#disappointed it’s only 30 mins felt too short

[twelvegrimmyplace]

Anyone else listen to Sidetracked yet? Curious to hear your thoughts

[lusi-raul]

My thoughts on the last moments of QSMP Purgatory Day 4:

In short: I understand Bad’s frustrations and ALSO feel bad for Green Team’s loss and agree that them getting stuck at spawn was a bug…. Also Red just minding their own business and being feral little masked gremlins while this shit was going on is peak BOLAS energy AHAHAHAHA

First of all a short explanation and recap:

It’s 30 mins left before the server closes down and Green is winning against Blue by a huge margin (Red isn’t even on the board LOL) and the Blue’s strategy is to log in at the last minutes to submit the global task in order to make a comeback. Green is also heading off to the global tasks and I can’t rewatch Etoile’s vod to see his perspective on this because he’s still live but from what I understand is that an earthquake/quicksand disaster was happening at that time and when Blue logged on, the green got caught in the disaster WHILE in the spawn protected area and got stuck underground without being able to get out because you can’t place or break blocks. The admins and Etoiles declared it a bug and the admins gave all his gear back to him. The blues then was able to submit their tasks without much problem and resistance from the Green team and overtook the greens and secured the win.

Now the issue:

Bad was a bit upset over the fact that what happened to Greens was a bug because in his point of view, he was prepared for the disaster and has countermeasures against it so even though he thought that even if what happened was not intended by the admins, it was not a bug. He was afraid of the twitter mob undermining their win because they would claim that the blues only won due to the bug against the greens. He was afraid their win would not be celebrated properly due to the twitter mob disregarding their efforts to win today. He is also upset because the epic ending and the final battle against the green to end this day was taken away from them. They were deprived of an intense conclusion to this session. Their win felt so anticlimactic. He was upset the earthquake happened against the green… he wished it didn’t happen in the first place.

My thoughts:

I completely understand Bad’s frustrations. I feel like he was so caught up in the terminologies and was trying so hard to explain and clarify is that he knows full well that a mob will go for him on twitter. I also feel for them…. Imagine winning and no one cheers for you because they think you don’t deserve it. They won fair and square let’s all agree on that. Ket’s give blue the love and celebrate their win as much as we do our favorite teams. Their win might be a bit cheesy but it’s all strategies. All is fair in war guys. Let’s not ruin this event as the audience by taking it too personally guys. There are no real stakes just pure entertainment and let’s treat it as such. If the creators and admins are fine with it we should be too. Even Bad admitted he took it too seriously today on Tubbo’s stream. EVERYONE COMMUNICATED AND HAVE PUT THIS SITUATION TO REST. Bad had gone on to Tina, Etoiles and Tubbos streams and have come to an understanding. It’s not communication smp for nothing… there’s nothing to worry about.

I’m not worried about the Green’s loss because even Etoiles said he had fun. Yes it’s disappointing but the increased motivation this will give the Greens to win for the next few days will bring this group closer together. The Reds were united because they were pushed past their breaking point. This time it’ll happen to green too because loss after loss, the greens are gonna make an ultimate comeback. The Reds and Greens have a joint enemy.. the Blues. It’s an interesting arc. Let’s just view whatever happens unfair or not as narrative potential guys. You don’t get the most satisfying revenge story if there’s no one there to play the villain to make your life miserable. Rooting for Green these next few days.

Reds…. Reds are just a lost cause without Carre and Phil. They’re even crazier today than day 1. Their base is death valley. I’m not worried about them even one bit. Their Bar isn’t even on the board but they’re having the most fun being masked little gremlins of the server. Phil and Carre come get yo kids! This group is literally the definition of the neighbor kids your parents wants you to play with AHAHAHAHA.

[daniclaytcn]

i was thinking about one of my complaints about the s6 finale was that the emergency was too short and after i just rewatched the s3 finale color me surprised but the train emergency was actually only about 30 mins too. the rest of the episode was wrapping up personal stuff for everybody. it's just the emergency itself was better done probably, more high stakes, and all the post-emergency stuff was better done and i cared about it more (buck+abby convo, everything at the party at athena & bobby's, madney pregnancy reveal, etc.)

anyway i don't mean to rehash my complaints about s6 finale in your inbox i just thought it was interesting how our feelings affect our memory of things a little (like in my head the train emergency was a full hour lol).

sometimes it doesn't really matter how long the emergency is, as long as it has that high-stakes feeling. take the escalator call in 2x04, it was probably 5 minutes max but its something the fandom remembers because of how it broke our hearts. some disasters only work well when given a longer runtime, though, like the earthquake and the tsunami—i still maintain that the s6 finale should have been a two-parter. that's not to say it was necessarily bad, but...idk. aside from the heart of the champion guy, and the team rescuing bobby, it didn't really make me feel as much as other emergencies have. and i think it felt doubly disappointing bc of the way the finale was promoted and how hyped up we were for it 🤷🏼

[parttimedragonslayer]

10k training updates. I haven't been great at putting the updates here, but I have been keeping a diary, even if I might not write the entry til a day or two later.

Day 9 (Day 11) - Completed 10 November 2023

I swapped today’s cross training and tomorrow’s rest day because I’m going hiking tomorrow. So today was rest day.

Day 10 (Day 12) - Completed 11 November 2023

Cross training today (swapped with yesterday’s rest day). Some girls I met from Okayama University took me to visit Smile Rock, one of the local sites. I wasn’t sure what to expect as it was called a hike, but it also seems pretty accessible. I prepared for a serious hike so I was a little disappointed when it was just a bit of a walk around for about 40 mins. I suppose that technically meets the needs of my cross training, but I do feel like a little bit of a slacker. All that said, the actual sightseeing part of the trip was amazing. Great views, a cool rock, a bunch of cats and I even hung out with people and managed to be somewhat social and not entirely awkward the whole time. 

Day 11 (Day 13) - Completed 12 November 2023

This was the first run that was starting to get close to the types of runs I was doing before. 2 mins on 1 min off. The run felt pretty easy and I ran for about an extra 5 mins at the end. I found a loop that I can run that makes a 5.5km circuit. So PR for distance today too! Part of the route I took today is the actual 10k race course. I want to scout the entire course on my bike soon. I know vaguely where it goes, but I want to follow the actual path as much as possible while training to get used to any hills. 

Day 12 (Day 14) - Completed 13 November 2023

Cross training today and I went to the gym for a weights session. It’s been almost 2 weeks since I last did weights as I’ve had other things to do for cross training. I did 10 mins on the treadmill for warm up, deadlifts and the push press machine. I started on some lunges but was saved from having to finish them by Steve finishing up his workout at that point. I hate lunges. It’s been almost three weeks since I’ve done deads so I think I’m going to feel it tomorrow. 

Day 13 (Day 15) - Completed 14 November 2023

Really pushed myself to run in the morning before work today because I don’t like taking away from evening hang-out-with-the-husband time to run. Also I have four classes today so there’s a good chance I’ll just be too tired or have a headache at the end of the day and chances of bailing are high. 

So I did the morning run. It was very cold. 5 degrees. It wasn’t too bad though once I got going, which is promising. I’ve been a little worried about running in full winter. The run itself was easy. I only did the prescribed amount, no more. I surprised at how short the 30 second rest breaks felt. 

Started feeling the DOMS from deads later in the day, so I have another reason to be glad I ran in the morning. The idea of running in the cold evening with post deadlift DOMS, ergh…

Day 14 (Day16) - Completed 15 November 2023

Scheduled rest day. I’m wondering if I should run though as I have English Camp the next two days which I think means early start and late finish. There’s a high risk I won’t run because of that so maybe I’ll run tonight instead. 

Day 15 (Day 17) - Incomplete 16 November 2023

I should have run yesterday. As predicted I didn’t run today because a) I had to get up early for English camp, and b) when I got home I was super tired and didn’t want to, so I didn’t. 

Day 15 (Day 18) - Incomplete 17 November 2023

Didn’t run again because of English camp. These camps really take it out of my, mostly because a lot of my day is spent around the other ALTs and I just can’t deal with people anymore. Especially noisy Americans. I end up drained and headachey. 

Day 15 (Day 19) - Complete 18 November 2023

This run was scheduled for 8 intervals of 2:30 run, 1:00 min walk. This was about what I was doing before starting the program so I knew this would be a fairly straightforward run, and it was. It was super cold too, probably the coldest I’ve ever been running, about 5 degrees, I think. I’m going to need to get some gloves and a headband that can keep my ears warm for future winter runs. My poor ears were so cold they were hurting.

Day 16 (Day 20) - Complete 19 November 2023

Cross training today was hiking and it was amazing! We headed out to the local hiking mountain where we’ve been before, with no expectation of how far we’d climb. It’s been a long time since we went there and the last time we only made it to the halfway point. But today we made it all the way! It was such a fun hike too, with some actually difficult bits here and there where you actually have to scramble up rocks and use the ropes that are placed there in order to pull yourself up. It was so much fun! I can’t wait to do it again.

Day 18 (Day 21) - Complete 20 November 2023

Decided to skip rest day and try to catch up a little. Today was the first day of the conference and I got home a little early so I went out as soon as I got home. I took a slightly different route to what I have been lately. I’m glad it was still light because it ended up being through some windy back roads that I hadn’t expected. 

The run itself was easy - only 8 intervals of 1 min on, 1 min off so I tried to push a bit on the run intervals. I also finished with some extra running, about 12 mins straight, which I’m still surprised I can even do. 

Day 17 (Day 22) - Completed 21 November 2023

So today ended up being rest day instead. I had fully intended to just continue on and do a cross training session today, but I didn’t. It’s a pretty lame excuse too. Steve messaged me about 4pm saying he was heading to the gym. I had been planning to go with him when I got home, but even that slight change was enough for me to say “my plans are ruined, might as well not even do anything now!”, because that’s just how I am. 

Day 18 (Day 23) - Incomplete 22 November 2023

I intended to run today, even though it’s cross training day, but I didn’t. I don’t really even have an excuse. It was the last day of the conference so I think my mental battery was just completely drained by having to socialise so much. 

Day 20 (Day 24) - Complete 23 November 2023

I know my next session was meant to be cross training, but I felt like running today instead. Today is a national holiday so I have no excuse. It was sunny out, actually a little warm so I only had to wear a t-shirt, I didn’t need to worry about long sleeves. This last week or so has just been a bit squiffy training wise, what with switching days around and English camp and conferences. 

This run was the first time it’s really pushed me past what I’d already been doing before starting this program, so I was a little apprehensive, but still pretty confident that I could do it. It was 6 intervals of 4 mins run, 1 min walk. I was worried that I’d be out of gas for the 4 min intervals but I was mostly ok. The last two intervals I was starting to feel like it was a push but I got through it ok. I felt more drained at the end of this run than I have any so far, so I think I’ve found the point where this program is going to start to get hard. There’s some big jumps coming up - like 5 min intervals, to 10 minutes, to 3km no stopping all in the space of a week. This might be where I tap out. Not that I want to, but historically that’s what’s happened. The program makes a big jump that I can’t keep up with and I quit. This time, if I can’t keep up with the intervals I’ll just repeat days as much as I need, or add intermediate steps in there. Like 7 min intervals, or 2kms without stopping. I have extra time - there’s 65 days left of the program and 92 days until the race, so that leaves me room to slow things down and add in additional training if I need it. What I shouldn’t be doing is using those days for extra rest days, unless absolutely necessary. 

[hoseokslefteyebrow]

An Act Of Kindness || M.YG

Pairing : Min Yoongi X Reader

Genre : soft yandere?

Summary : When your summer camp groupmates decide to go 'off rhe road', everything goes wrong.

Wordcount: 2.6k lol

[ A/N: Suggested for my Baby Project series, but it was a little too dark so here's a one shot instead. I'm not exactly great at 'yandere' genre yet so like,, I tried lol.Enjoy!]

" I don't know about this guys." You tell your annoying group mates as you're walking of the path and into the depths of the forest.

One of your groupmates, Heeyoung huffs as she looks over her shoulder at you.

" Psh, don't be such a whimp. We're just going off the road to make a shortcut." She tells you.

Jungkook grins at you from a few steps up front.

" Relax, it'll be fine. Besides, we've got the map, nothing will go wrong." He smiles, waving said paper map with his hand.

You still hesitate.

" I really don't know guys, they did forecast that it'll rain today too. Besides, how do we even know where we are from the map? If we walk off the path, we won't be able to track our own location." You point out.

You really aren't in the mood to die just because of these people. You've seen enough horror movies.

" Relax, it'll be fine." Jimin nudged you from beside.

You look at Jimin's face, the male has always quite charmed you in a way, and unlike the other two, he wasn't quite as annoying either.

" Jungkook's right. What could go wrong?" He smiles at you.

-

Quite frankly, almost everything went wrong.

It's now around 4 hours later, and the four of you are hopelessly lost in the depths of the forest.

It's raining now too, buckets of water falling from the grey skies, not exactly pleasant.

" Wait, can you show me the map one more time?" Heeyoung asks Jungkook as an excuse to huddle close to him.

He looks at her weirdly as she presses herself up against his arm, but doesn't comment on it. Figuring she probably just feels cold.

All of you are dressed in shorts and a t-shirt after all, except for you, as you're also wearing a long sleeved up zip up hoodie. You were lowkey prepared for this, but considering it's been raining for at least 30 minutes now, your small preparation had no effect anymore, and so you too have chattering teeth.

You watch in disappointment when Jungkook unfolds the soaked map, only to have it literally slip through his fingers, the flimsy pieces of paper falling hopelessly on the ground.

Heeyoung watches the thing fall before hitting Jungkook, now suddenly mad.

" You know what? This is all your fault! If you hadn't soaked the map!-"

" My fault?! You wanted to walk off the damn path!" Jungkook argued right back at her.

You pinched your brows. Great, so you were stuck with two idiots now too.

" Okay, uhm, let's just not blame anyone. It can't change how we're situated now, let's just find shelter and check our phones." Jimin suggests.

You nod numbly, teeth chattering as all of you go to seek for coverage.

Jungkook and Heeyoung are suddenly not attached to the hip anymore as you do so, it appeared the girl wasn't interested in him anymore.

" Hey, uhm, I'm sorry for not listening to you. I should've agreed." Jimin says as he now walks beside you.

You smile at him gratefully.

" Thanks, I appreciate that actually." 

He nods.

" So, uhm, do you mind if I hold your hand? I know we're not close and all, but you seem cold, and I can't exactly offer you my jacket, not to mention that I'm quite cold too." He suggests, not looking at you as he says so.

You smile at his antics, finding his behavior cute.

" Sure." You reply shortly as you move to grab a hold on Jimin's hand.

His fingers interlock with yours easily. Both of your skins feel cold, even against each other, but it admittedly felt nice to not feel alone in a situation like this.

It isn't until another twenty minutes later that Jungkook has found something.

" Guys! Look at that! That seems like shelter." Jungkook says, pointing to, what seems to be, part of a roof.

Jimin and you exchange glances. 

For some reason, it felt like he was asking something, and so you shrug as a response.

He nods before turning back to the other two.

" Okay, let's go there." 

-

" Nope, mine is dead too." Jimin sighs, pocketing his phone before running the same hand through his hair.

He hasn't let go of your hand since thirty minutes ago, except for when you took out your phone, and for some reason, the small action made you feel a little funnier about Jimin.

The four of you are stood in front of, what seems to be, an abandoned, mansion. Most blinds are closed, but the blinds that are open show dark rooms, and are mostly on the second floor.

" We could, try to knock?" Heeyoung suggests.

You blink, looking up at the bit of the building you can see. For some reason, it gives you a cold vibe.

" I don't thinks anyone even lives here-"

You've barely finished your sentence when Heeyoung is already knocking.

You sigh, not all too surprised by her in all honesty.

However, surprise and fear greet you as the door suddenly jiggles.

Jungkook's eyes widen, and Jimin tugs you closer to him as the sound sounds.

All of you are even more surprised when the door opens, being greeted by a rather old looking male, who blinks at all of you.

" Excuse me, but can I help you?" The man asks politely.

He seems to be around his fourties at least, and all of you let out a breath.

" Hello! Sorry for suddenly knocking. It's just that it's raining-"

As she speaks, it also starts to thunder.

What a great moment.

" - And thundering, so we wondered if we could stay here for a while until the weather dies down a bit." She asks them, a friendly smile on her face.

The male clears his throat.

" Well then, please come in and wait here in the hallway. I will ask master Min for permission." He tells her before opening the door wider.

She smiles, turning to all of you, and motioning with her head to follow her in.

You all do so. The hallway is large, stereo typical for a mansion, with multiple doors, and a clean marble floor, along with a grand staircase to the second floor.

You subconsciously tighten your grip on Jimin's hand.

He turns to you with a worried expression.

" You okay? We can go if you think it's a bad idea." He tells you.

You're barely turning to look at him before he clarifies.

" I trust your judgement."

" Oh. I see. Well, I really don't know. It feels here kind of off? But I feel like it's going to storm soon, so maybe we should just ask for a phone connection and wait here." You suggest.

He hums.

" Sounds like a plan to me."

A few moments later the man returns, a kind smile on his face.

" The master will be with us shortly, he'd like to know who'd be seeking shelter in his house before he will grant it." The man smiles.

As you study his stance, you realize that this man is most probably a staff.

" Oh, where are my manners? My name is Charles, I'm the butler of this mansion." He smiles.

Jungkook nods, about to introduce himself, when the sound of clacking shoes sounds.

All of you turn to the grand staircase, where a single male is walking down from. Your eyes widen in surprise. The male who's walking down said stairs is stunning. He's got a pale skin, black hair, and is wearing a dark blue suit with a white button up underneath.

Who relaxes in that kind of outfit? Not that you'll complain or anything, he was admittedly good looking. He walks down unbothered, seemingly not bothered by your looks.

" Say whatever you want, but he is very handsome." Heeyoung whispers to you.

You nod silently in response, and Jimin clears his throat.

You turn to blink at him.

" Something wrong?" you ask him.

" No not-"

" My name is Min Yoongi. I live here. Who are you?" 

It appeared the male, now known as Min Yoongi, had already come to a stop in front of you.

" Right, sorry! My name is Heeyoung, these are Jungkook, Jimin and Y/N." Heeyoung smiles at him.

He doesn't smile back, simply letting his eyes go over all of your forms for a moment. You shivered as his eyes went over your form.

" Fine, you may stay for now. Has any of you had dinner yet?" He asks, voice deep, and eyes holding a bored expression.

" Dinner? We've only had breakfast!-"

" Uhm, thank you! But, that's not necessary. If we could maybe make a call though, that'd be great." You hurriedly stop Jungkook.

Yoongi raises a brow at you in surprise, as both Heeyoung and Jungkook come at you.

" Okay, y'know what?! This is enough. He's literally being nice to us by offering us a meal, and you're just going to turn him down? What is wrong with you?!" Heeyoung yells at you.

" C'mon Y/N. Just one meal? We're all hungry." Jungkook tries, a little more softly.

Yoongi watches you and your friends sharply, not exactly amused by the rudeness of your group mate.

You squeeze Jimin's hand softly as you step back, not entirely sure on what to do.

" Alright, uhm, let's not get mad at her. And staying for one meal should be alright. Right?" He tries too.

You sigh, but nod anyway.

The meal was filled with chatter of your groupmates and charles, Yoongi was mostly silent, and so were you. Heeyoung tried her best to get Yoongi's attention, often complementing him for the meal and his hospitality, he didn't really do much in return, simply nodding until he at some point friendly told her to sod off.

Soon after you tried ringing the camp, but to your disappointment, the lines were dead, and the storm had only worsened.

" It's dead. Any idea if we can fix it?" You asked Yoongi as you put the phone away.

He shook his head, bangs moving.

" I'm afraid not. I can offer all of you a bed for tonight only." He suggests, messing his hair up.

You bite your lip in thought, looking out of the window beside you.

The storm certainly wasn't going to get better anytime soon.

You sighed, before nodding. Going out there now was a death wish.

" That'd be nice. Thank you, and I'm sorry for us suddenly turning up on your doorstep." You tell him.

He shakes his head.

" Don't worry about it."

About an hour later you're seated on your bed. You, Jimin, Heeyoung and Jungkook all had your own rooms. The other three in the bedrooms across the hallway from you while you're situated beside Min Yoongi's very own bedroom.

After about twenty minutes, there's a knock sounding at your door.

" Come in." You call out.

The door opens, and you're surprised to find Yoongi standing there.

" Oh, hi. Is everything alright?" You ask him.

He hums.

" Yeah, just wanted to talk to you, if you don't mind. " He tells you with a small smile.

You nod, sitting down at the bed as he sits down opposite you at the desk.

Conversation went surprisingly smooth, after a few minutes into talking, it went as if you two knew each other for years.

" Y'know, you seem to be a pretty perfect person." He tells you as your laughter died down.

You snorted.

" Pft, nah. My grades really prove otherwise." You tell him.

You're flattered a man of his 'rank' thinks like that about you, but you really don't agree.

He grins.

" Grades are just a social structure." He shrugs.

You smile at him.

" Thanks, but really though. No one is perfect. Especially not me." You tell him honestly.

You don't hate yourself, but that doesn't mean you view yourself as perfect either.

He shakes his head.

" I think your head's messing with you due to the time. I'll see you tomorrow. You guys can still stay for breakfast right?" He asks.

You think about it for a moment.

You're already here anyway. How bad could staying over for breakfast be?

-

The first thing you notice when you wake up is that it's already light out.

The second thing you notice is that it's eerily quiet.

You bolt out of bed, changing in the bathroom and folding the borrowed clothes on the sink. There's a packaged toothbrush by the sink too, and so you brush your teeth before going downstairs.

"Y/N?" You suddenly hear Yoongi's voice from somewhere beside you.

You turn around in surprise, barely tripping over your feet in your hurry.

Yoongi reacts quickly, catching you by your shoulders and holding you upright.

you both blink at each other before he gently lets go of you.

" Sorry, uhm- What are you doing here?" He asks you.

You furrow your brows at him.

" What do you mean? Where's the rest?" You ask him confused.

" They left already, I thought you went with them." He blinks.

Did they really leave you?

-

Meanwhile Jimin is looking around him in confusion.

Where was he?

He looks around, checking his surroundings.

He, Jungkook and Heeyoung seemed to be sleeping in a clearing in the forest. It takes him a moment before he remembers what happened. It takes him another moment before he realizes you're missing.

Jungkook wakes up soon after.

" Hey, where's Y/N?" Jimin asks him.

Jungkook blinked, before rolling on his side.

"Idunno, probably still asleep." He mumbles sleepily.

Jimin rolls his eyes before throwing sand at the younger, who's quick to get up.

"What the hell?-"

"What are you lads doing here?" Another voice suddenly joins the conversation.

Both males look up, only to see a man, seemingly a little over his 25's standing there.

" Uhm, hi. We're kind of lost." Jungkook explains, waking up Heeyoung before getting up and dusting off his pants.

The man blinks before nodding.

" I can see that yeah." He responds dumbly.

" We also lost a group mate. Seen a mansion around?" Jimin asks him.

At the words of a mansion, the male pales.

" You don't mean to say you're lost travelers?- I- I thought that curse was gone." The man spoke warily.

Heeyoung, who now got up, switched wary glances with Jungkook.

" Curse?" She asked.

" Yeah, there's a curse of a mansion. Apparently the Min family lived there somewhere back in the 1800's or something, but a burglar got in and killed most of the family, apart from their twenty-something year old son. A few years ago we found bodies here, on the very place you're standing right now, they were barely alive but managed to warn us. They were the last people who came from that mansion, until you that is." He explains with wide eyes.

No one knew how to react to that.

Did this mean you're dead?

" You see whenever it storms, people turn up dead. Except for the people before you. You're the only ones to have made it out alive and well. You're the first survivors- But your friend..." He trails off.

Jimin's hand balls into a fist, as Jungkook's doe eyes widen and Heeyoung held her hand over her mouth in shock.

Did they really kill you by not listening to you?

[namparktae]

Kim Seokjin 

𝐌𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫ᵏˢʲ

You sat down at your desk, typing away at the keys of your laptop. You had an assignment to finish by the weekend and right now, it was a late Thursday night and you were exhausted. Extremely exhausted. ".... I just can't do it!!" You exclaimed as you threw yourself onto your bed and muffled out into your pillow. Reaching for your phone, you decide to call your boyfriend Jin. You knew he'd make you feel better as he was your number one when it came to hard situations like this, he was always loving and he knew how to calm you.

"Jin babe, can you come over? I really need to see you." You whined through the phone as you heard him lowly chuckle at your sudden neediness as soon as he answered.

"I'll be over in no time baby, I'll bring my keys and let myself in."

Within 30 minutes he arrived bringing the two of you takeout pizza for dinner, to see you sitting at your desk again but this time you were crying.

"Y/n baby. What's wrong?" He pulled you up to bury your head in his chest as your tears left wet patches on his thick sweater.

"I just can't complete my assignments Jinnie, it's too much. I've got nearly no time left to finish and I'm no where near done."

"Don't worry baby, you need to relax for awhile. We're gonna spend tonight together okay? Completely stress free and then tomorrow I'll help you finish off your work."

He rubbed your back to soothe you and you looked up into his eyes with your arms wrapped around his torso. Jin cupped your face and kissed your swollen lips, then your tear stained cheeks, making you blush. He let his forehead rest against yours with your noses rubbing together as he whispered out "You're to pretty to cry baby, no more crying for me please. Can you do that?"

The two of you ate the pizza sitting on your bed watching a film that he had chosen to watch and soon enough you were wrapped in his arms with your head placed gently on his well-built chest. He kissed your forehead making you look up at him, without any hesitations he kissed your lips and slipped his tongue into your mouth as you accepted and slid yours into his mouth. Large hands held your hips as he guided you to straddle his torso, intentionally making your core press against his bulge. Your hands travelled to his hair as you run your fingers through his soft brown locks as he gripped your ass, making your hips slightly grind against him as you felt him grow hard.

You pulled off your small pyjama shorts leaving yourself in a small red lacey thong and a white tee, revealing your bare torso and outlining your nipples. Seokjins eyes widened at the sight of you on top of him as he kissed your neck leaving behind red splotches and saliva on your skin.

"We're gonna try something tonight baby."

"O-Okay..." you mumbled as he began to pull at your waistband of your underwear whilst hovering over your body as you laid across your bed. His fingers looped underneath and he pulled them down your thighs with no trouble at all, you instantly felt the wetness as you got butterflies, fluttering at his touch. You was so hooked on him. Everything about Jin was absolute perfection. His hair fell perfectly around his face, framing it beautifully to show off his eyes. You looked deeply into his eyes while he slipped a finger through your now glistening folds.

"You're already this wet? We've only just started playing y/n."

"Jin stop teasing me. Please." You whined for him as you held the back of his neck with your arms draped around his broad shoulders. Jin pressed a passionate kiss against your lips, it felt as if he wanted to devour you, but he was too gentle and delicate to completely let loose.

You decided to test him by whispering up in his ear, his fingers played with your pussy gently, pressing against your clit and rubbing through your wet slits yet still not pushing his fingers inside your clenching walls. A smirk crawled across his lips as you pulled him down to kiss your lips, you moaned into his mouth as he finally inserted two of his fingers inside you making you squirm instantly. Pulling away from his lips, you whispered deeply into his ear, letting your hot breath hit against his soft skin.

"You know how sexy you look right now?"

You let your hand trace the bare skin of his shoulder as you lightly tickled his upper arm, ensuring to soothe him. He looked you dead in the eyes after you pressed a small kiss to the side of his cheek, pushing his fingers deeper into you and curving them as he fucked you with his fingers at a quicker pace than before. Lust waved over him and he stared back at you, watching you completely unfold in front of him as you submitted to him in such an early stage.

"Let's get a better view baby." He hummed against your skin, making you shiver. You was completely confused as to what he was about to do with you, yet you wasnt about to stop it. He pulled away his hand from your pussy and you hissed from the loss of pleasure. Jin took your hand and stood you in front of the long full length mirror that was mounted to your wall, standing behind you and pressing soft yet sensual kisses along your nape and then along the previous marks he made. Every movement he made you could see with your own eyes, turning you on even more than before. His large hands roamed around your body, causing your skin to burn at his touches. Your nipples hardened through your tshirt, making Seokjin run his fingers around them before he gently pinched your left nipple through the fabric. The two of you were looking at eachother in the mirror, admiring the way you two fit together and the lack of clothes you shared as his trousers and sweater had disappeared, leaving him in just his boxers. His lightly toned abs pressed against your back while his hard member was kept in his underwear, making the fabric tighten around his waist as his cock grew harder and harder due to being wedged against your ass.

Jin suddenly stripped himself of the inconvenient fabric, letting his dick spring up and hit just underneath his belly button, taking ahold of his cock and pumping himself a couple of times to make sure it was rock hard. You bent over slightly to allow him to enter you from behind after you'd realised what his plan was, you wasn't disappointed at all. Seeing him pushing himself all the way in made you wetter in ways you couldn't ever imagine, he held your hips as his dick filled your pussy and he let you adjust to his size. Your mouth hung open at the sight and made you spill out the loud moans you so desperately tried to keep inside. Yet his member hit your spot over and over again causing you to moan out his name loudly. You could see everything, his dick was entering you at an inhumane pace and every vein in his hard cock could be seen.

Continuing to thrust harder, he reached around to stimulate your clit by rubbing softly against your nub

"Fuck Jin... I'm so close." You moaned out.

He managed to latch his lips onto your neck once again, breathing out heavy and uttering your name repeatedly into your skin. He enjoyed you looking so fucked out for him almost way too much, it was absolutely euphoric for him. Your high was near as your core threatened to spill out over his cock, the knot in your stomach unraveled as your release dripped down his member.

Pants escaped your mouth as you knelt down in front of him, you realised he hasn't cum yet and you wanted to taste him.

"Oh y/n you're such a good girl for me baby."

He whispered as you took him inside your mouth, letting him guide your head along his shaft with his fingers gripped in your hair. The rest of his shaft that you couldn't take in your mouth, you pumped with your hand to let him feel extremely pleasured. Jins cock twitched inside your mouth letting you know he was about to cum, you sucked the tip of his dick before opening your mouth and hanging your tongue out, ready for him. His white strings of release were left all on your tongue as he pumped himself with breathy moans.

He cleaned you up giving you a passionate kiss once the two of you were dressed, resuming your position in bed cuddling together as the credits of the film rolled down the blank tv screen. "Y/n we missed the film babe." He muffled into your hair with a small laugh escaping his lips. "It's okay baby, we can always watch it another time." You smiled back at him.

"You always know exactly how to take all my stress and troubles away you know?" You told him with a peck on his nose. He rubbed your arm lovingly, chuckling to himself. "It's what I do best y/n."

Unedited 25/3/21

1.6k words

This took me so long to write omg I'm sorry 🤍🙈

But anyways Hiiiiii :)

Masterlist

Wattpad - Namparktae for more one shots

[dagss]

What did you think of this year's Césars? PS: I've been watching your movie recs andI loved Adieu Les cons, Gazon maudit and Raw. Zone Blanche is also ridiculously great.

u mean the winners or the ceremony itself ahah? (both weren't that great idk, although the ceremony was hosted by antoine de caunes my meowmeow ksjksjksj)

last year i had seen most of the movies and it's so cool to watch award shows when you know about every movie, but this year i missed a lot of them and only watched the women directed ones so i was out of the loop for most wins, mostly for illusions perdues which won a bunch of categories but i still don't feel like watching it idk 😢 i had watched all the shorts but my favorite ones (des gens biens & le départ) didn't win, sobz. my fav animated short (le monde en soi) didn't win either but the actual winner (folie douce, folie dure) sounds dope, ngl. will watch it.

so happy that valerie lemercier got the best actress one tho, she's so funny she deserves it for her whole career,,, still gotta watch aline tho.

i'm also kind of disappointed la fracture didn't get many noms/wins because it was legit amazing and highlighted a huge systemic problem with french healthcare so idk if you'd relate as a foreigner but it's still a really powerful watch!! lots of anguish and despair, chef's kiss

on another note there's also a small polemic rn on filmtwt about the way the animated movie category got shortened and the winners' speeches were rushed by management, because the program was like 30 mins behind schedule. personally, that felt really wrong to me since animation already lacks room to exist in this ceremony and more generally it lacks recognition in french cinema. i just sat there trying to listen to the super important points the animators were trying to make while the crowd and host were ostentatiously annoyed at the speech being "too long"... it literally wasn't.

also disappointed for adam driver who came all the way here, sat through 3 hours of lame french jokes and didn't win anything 💀

there was a lot of positive things too tho, it was way less boring than other years, the sparks performed so may we start live (i sang my heard out ngl), omar sy was there and made people dance, xavier dolan read a tear-jerking homage letter to gaspard ulliel (dunno if you know who that is but he's an actor who recently died from an accident and it was so sudden and shocking coz he was only 37), cate blanchett's speech was admirable and she spoke french my love!! (even though she told people to shut the fuck up lmao that's going to be a meme on french twitter now)

the extra positive thing is that, despite getting many noms, bac nord didn't win anything, and that's great since neonazi scums reclaimed it almost immediately after it came out & the (white) director didn't want to clarify, nor admit his movie was political, nor acknowledge it had an obvious right-wing vibe about its depiction of poc and Paris' poor districts 🙄 i don't know if i'm gonna watch that one, regardless of the director's initial intentions, his reaction to justified criticism really bothers me, and so i'm glad it didn't win 'cause the nazis were like: >:(

anyway i think i'll add onoda, maalbeek, folie douce, folie dure, aline & le sommet des dieux to my watchlist. from the nominated movies i'd already seen, i'd recommend la fracture, the father (obvi) & annette (i hated most of the songs tho ksjksksksj). oh and also boîte noire was super cool and i love pierre niney!! (i might have said that already i think???)

--

i'm so glad you liked my previous recommendations, ah!!! was gazon maudit funny to you? i'm so scared the humor might get lost and the movie might feel weird to people from other cultures 😭 i'm especially glad you like zone blanche omg, even in francophone countries people don't talk often about it, smh.

[svtshine]

Jeonghan as your Sugardaddy

Pairing: Jeonghan x reader

genre: Sugardaddy!au

Type: scenario

extras: As always, requests are welcomed. This was really fun to write ngl.

Jeonghan had never stayed in a relationship longer than 10 days.

he only needed a shower to get over someone

which was why he wanted a relationship where, he would just need to spoil someone, and in return get his needs taken care of.

If it’s one thing Jeonghan couldn’t get rid, was his money.

Damn this man is stacked

and he’s willing to spend it

The first time the both of you met was when you were working as a bartender.

There were tons of human beings at the club since it was the most popular hour. Sweaty beings pressing against each other, lips finding each other desperately at the side.

It was a long night as always. Your shift was going to end in 30 mins and you couldn’t wait to get out of the shorts and revealing shirt you had to wear

Your bed awaits you.

You focused on making the next drink as Jeonghan walked in.

He was going to meet your boss for an upcoming business deal.

When he first walked in though, he couldn’t take his eyes of you, alike many other men at the bar.

The way you made the drinks while looking so sexy and hot. He just wanted a taste.

Jeonghan could hardly even pay attention to the person infront of him.

“Who’s that” pointing towards you. Your boss turned his head and recognised you.

“That’s Y-y/n, as i was saying sir-“

Jeonghan didn’t look away from you at all. “I’ll raise the price. But i want only her to stay”

Jeonghan was going to invest in that bar, he didn’t need the pervious employees, only you.

Your boss closed the bar early and gathered all the employees.

“Listen, i’ve sold the bar to this man, Yoon Jeonghan sir. The rest of you have to find new jobs now.”

You felt eyes on you as you face the man named ‘Yoon Jeonghan’

“except for Y/n” Everyone looked at you in confusion. Even you raised your eyebrows.

You weren’t the BEST bartender, why the hell did they want you?

The rest of the employees left and Jeonghan motioned for you to follow him to the back.

The private room had a nice couch

“Now darling, as you’ve heard, this bar is officially mine now.” The strange yet hot man spoke.

“i need you, not as a bartender but you to be my sugarbaby” Your eyes widened. You weren’t unfamiliar with the term, but you’ve just met this guy and who knows what kind of person he actually was.

He held up a finger when you opened your mouth to retaliate. “Now, your job will be easy. Keeping me company when i go to events, and fulfilling my requests for you. While you get cash every month from me and any present you want”

He moved closer to you, gently grabbing you by the chin. “You just have to be my good girl”

You moved away from him. This hot, attractive stranger was asking you to be his sugarbaby?

you didn’t know whether to be confused or disgusted

ok both kind of

i mean you didn’t know who he even was till today.

“You should know darling, i get whatever i want and i want you.” Smirking at you

“your apartment building isn’t very expensive at all to me you know. If you didn’t agree to be my sugarbaby, you could very well end up jobless and homeless in a blink of an eye” God you so badly wanted to wipe that smirk off his angelic face

How could someone look so angel-like but be so cunning

So you agreed to the deal.

Jeonghan actually spent a lot of time with you. Given he was a ceo and he needed to attend lots of events.

During which he makes fun of snobby rich people with you and asks you questions about yourself.

He may be a little cheeky but he’s also a very kind man, you’ve come to realise.

He made you move into the same apartment building as he was in.

High rise building, with the most amazing scenery of the city.

Jeonghan surprises you with a present everyday.

It could be a bouquet of flowers with a small card, a necklace, a watch, earrings, dresses, heels.

Sometimes he’d buy items worth millions to thank you for joining an event with him that lasted two hours only.

His favourite thing to do with you, is to relax in his private jacuzzi with you after a long day at work.

Jeonghan loves the feel of your smooth skin against his and you sitting on his lap in the jacuzzi, planting soft and gentle nibbles on his neck and massaging his shoulders.

Damn was he in paradise

He slowly started to realise he was falling in love with you, when he noticed how much you reminded him of home

Returning to his apartment was never returning “home”. But he’d be in his office and thinking about, “What is my Y/n doing at home” or “What did she cook for tonight’s dinner”

That one time you went home to visit your family, he stepped home announcing. “Y/n i’m home” before realising you went to visit your family after seeing the table you left on the table for him to reheat

He felt so disappointed when you didn’t greet him as usual.

his apartment just felt so empty without you. It didn’t feel like ‘home’.

After getting to know Jeonghan, you wanted to give him something in return as well.

He made you so happy everyday. You felt so alive and happy around him. His presents made you happy, but you knew he deserved some too.

You knew you were playing a risky card. You fell in love with him way before he did.

You dugged out whatever savings you had from previously

With a total of 5k you bought him a small and cheap rolex.

Yeah of course you knew it probably meant nothing to him, but you knew getting this for him was worth it even if he decided not to wear it ever.

You were extremely nervous when you were going to present it to him. He had just returned home and you were watching him reheat the food that you cooked for him.

“I’m sorry baby, i know it’s been a while since i took you out but, work really had me cooped up” He said, brushing through his hair. His spectacles still lying on his nose bridge

You knew how hard he worked for the company so you smiled at him and made sure he knew you understood.

You excused yourself to get the watch.

“Hannie” he mumbled a ‘yeah’ as he munched on to your food. You nervously hid the watch behind you and continued.

“This may not seem like much but i wanted to do something for you” You brought out the watch and presented it to him.

“i’m sorry, it’s not even that nice. I used the savings i had from my previous jobs and got you this. You deserve more than this though han”

Jeonghan placed his chopsticks down on the table top and stared at the watch. You didn’t know if he really didn’t like it or not but the anxiety was creeping up onto you as he continued staring at the watch.

“I’m sorry hannie, it’s okay if you don’t like it-“

You reached for the watch, but jeonghan grabbed your wrist and gently brough you onto his lap.

That was when you realised, he had shed a couple of tears. Your eyebrows raised in alarm as you brush away his tears.

“Sweetheart, this has got to be the best gift anyone has given me.” he whispered to you

“It’s been so hard, but having you by my side makes everything better.” He took off his current watch and replaced it with the one you bought for him.

“Thank you, thank you so much my love. i’ve never felt more lucky to have met you” Kissing you on the nose and the face. Rubbing the sides of your leg up and down.

“I love you so much, please stay with me forever Y/n. Not as my sugarbaby but my lover as well. i really can’t imagine my life without you. As corny as it sounds” And of course you agreed, giggling at the end.

a year gone by, Jeonghan’s still wearing the watch as well as the shiny ring that adorned his left ring finger.

Similar to the one you had on your ring finger.

Masterlist

Wonwoo Sugardaddy!au | Mingyu Sugardaddy!au

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Bad Manners (S2, E5)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:35 - Martin totally thought John Watkins abducted and killed Ainsley. Mark my words. 

0:44 - Holy. Shit. Ainsley is FIVE years old (or younger) here right? A five year old with that much determination?!?! She literally stayed silent in that clock for probably hours......and no one was concerned about this kid when Martin was arrested because...?

1:09 - Anyone else impressed with Malcolm’s aim here? Just me?

1:20 - Gil and Malcolm talking about sleep and murder is so freaking sweet. <3 Honestly, they’re acting like friends instead of co-workers and it warms my cold dead heart. 

1:29 - Does Gil become a grumpy old man when he doesn’t get 8 hours sleep? I really want to know now. 

1:39 - OMG. Gil pointing at Ainsley here is hilarious. He’s totally acting like some weird mix of a stern pissed off high-school teacher, and a step-dad trying to discipline an unruly teen. hahaha AND MALCOLM’S FACE. Look how done Malcolm is. He looks so so tired, sad, and exasperated. 

1:44 - Wow. Girl power. Ainsley has those camera guys bending to her will. I honestly would’ve thought they would just read the situation and turn the camera off themselves. 

1:47 - “It’s not a game.” Yikes. I have thoughts about this:

Malcolm is right - it’s not a game. 

Malcolm is a bit of a hypocrite for saying that to Ainsley. Although, to his credit even when Malcolm is excited/inappropriately happy about murder it’s always pretty clear that he thinks murder is wrong, and that he has sympathy for the victims and their families. 

Ainsley does not have that same sympathy for the victims. That much is clear later in this episode. 

Pretty sure the writers are trying to turn Ainsley into a serial killer this season. 

2:13 - “You know I like to share these things with my friends.” .....does this mean Malcolm thinks Dani and JT are his friends now? Last I checked (Ep 1x05) Malcolm didn’t have friends. This absolutely melts my heart. <3 I’m honestly so happy that Malcolm considers someone other than Gil to be his friend.

2:18 - “We lost Dani to vice.” .....What is vice? AND WHAT IS THE REAL LIFE REASON THAT DANI WASN’T IN THIS EPISODE?!? 

2:19 - Edrisa has a medical degree right? She has to know how dangerous consuming that much caffeine is right? Plus aren’t energy drinks super dangerous if you drink a lot of them (or maybe that’s just what adults in my neighbourhood told kids)?

2:30 - Edrisa SHINES in this episode. She’s so funny and awkward and I just love her. 

2:36 - hahaha Gil has adopted the whole team. Look at him throwing the “Dad warning stare” at Edrisa. 

3:31 - Why does Edrisa start bouncing around looking upset when Malcolm says, “rejection is a powerful motivator”?!?! Has she recently been broken up with or something? Is this a reference to how she has a crush on Malcolm (who doesn’t reciprocate)? I WANT MORE INFORMATION.

3:47 - TWIZZLERS!!! <3 Damn I love how this tiny detail about Malcolm’s character keeps coming up. 

3:55 - Ainsley is on a rampage this episode. She’s so determined ...actually she’s acting a lot like Jessica (think girl in the box bracelet). However, unlike Jessica, Ainsley’s motives aren’t about justice or the safety of her loved ones.  Ainsley is chasing personal gain (career) with a side of (a subconscious?) need to be exposed to murder and her father’s twisted world. 

4:05 - This whole interaction between Ainsley and Malcolm is really interesting. Ainsley is knowingly manipulating Malcolm to get the answers she wants. We’ve seen her do it in 2x4 and 1x19. She knows her big brother would do anything for her. It makes sense, they’re five years apart and after the trauma they experienced as children Malcolm felt responsible to protect Ainsley. He never wants to disappoint Ainsley. Not a burden he should’ve had to deal with but I digress. PLUS Malcolm looks weary of Ainsley here. He knows what she’s doing. He’s scared that she’s turning to the dark side. But he still gives her the answers because if he doesn’t - that means something has changed. He thinks that would make Ainsley suspicious and then she might remember what happened to Endicott. He’s scared of and for Ainsley. 

4:32 - OKAY. I’ll say it. The thing that annoys me the most about this episode is that it suggests that Ainsley was a debutant when in 1x6 AINSLEY TELLS MARTIN SHE WAS NEVER A DEBUTANT. She went to etiquette school - I guess that doesn’t strictly mean she also did debutant balls but it sort of suggests it in the context of this episode? Did she actually graduate from the etiquette school (there was bullying, maybe she was expelled/dropped out similar to Malcolm and Remington?)?

4:59 - “No stabbies” OMG. How is this show not classified as a comedy?!? Istg I laugh harder watching this ‘drama’ then I do watching most of the shows that call themselves ‘comedies’.

5:35 - It’s honestly kind of amazing that Ainsley and Malcolm are as ‘sane’ as they are. They were raised by a stubborn predatory psychopath and a stubborn rich meddling socialite. They had no chance of normalcy. Look at the amount of pleasure Martin is currently getting by throwing his son under the bus with regards to Jessica. 

 5:45 - “No actually, I cleaned it up.”.....does this have a dual meaning? Did Martin do something to make Malcolm dispose of the body? We already know that Martin has tried some sort of conditioning on Malcolm (remember ‘C’mon boy!’ from 1x14? The stabbing?). What if Martin said some sort of trigger word to control Malcolm and coerced Malcolm into getting rid of the body? What if this isn’t the first time?

6:05 - Ainsley is a sociopath. I’m calling it again. I called it when I first watched Q&A (1x7) because the way she treated Malcolm was more than just selfish/careless. It was cruel and she didn’t feel any remorse for literally broadcasting her brother’s private health details on television. That is messed up. I honestly won’t be shocked if the writers make Ainsley a full blown serial killers (although I’m not sure I want that because I don’t know how Malcolm would remain the main character if the story goes in that direction?). 

6:12 - Poor Jessica. I honestly feel really bad for her. Sure, she’s a headstrong alcohol dependant crazy rich woman. She also has a good heart. She’s been dealt a pretty shitty hand when it comes to relationships (minus Gil but she ruined that because she’s a MORON) and now she’s terrified that her own children have become monsters and she blames herself. She definitely hasn’t been a perfect mother but I don’t think she’s to blame for Ainsley and Malcolm’s obsession with murder. If these kids had a different bio dad, they would probably just have a low-key drug problem or some other common rich kid baggage. 

6:15 - “You know that’s not how cancer works right?” LOL. hahahaha

6:33 - Martin kind of has a point. There’s no rehab for murder. That’s why he’s been in jail for 20 years and he still wants to kill people. In my opinion, given what we’ve seen of Ainsley’s personality: as soon as she fully remembers that night - she’s gone. She’ll go full serial killer and Jessica and Malcolm will lose her forever. 

6:40 - Jessica’s little jazz hand finger twinkle as she spins on her heel and leaves Martin kills me. It’s so extra. It’s so funny. And it’s sooo Jessica. 

6:47 - Damn. Martin is pissed. I’m worried. That’s murder-level rage. If he escapes ISTG Martin is going to try and kill Gil. For so many reasons 1) because he hates Gil, 2) it’ll hurt Jessica, and 3) killing Gil will eliminate his ‘Dad’ competition. 

6:54 - Edrisa on caffeine is AMAZING.

7:43 - I love Edrisa but her blatant, unreciprocated crush on Malcolm is honestly getting a little creepy. 

7:52 - Gil spent all last season drinking out of a Yankee’s mug. Doesn’t that mean he’s a baseball fan? Why doesn’t he know this pitcher guy?

7:56 - hahahaa “Where is JT?” Because obviously JT is the team sports fan. 

8:22 - Does Gil get nightmares about cases? He always seems really uncomfortable around the dead bodies. 

8:45 - “And suddenly I’m wide awake” SERIOUSLY - is anyone else laughing every 60 seconds when they watch this show? Is my sense of humour just super dark and messed up?

8:54 - YES. The liquorice is BACK.

9:00 - I love Malcolm talking to JT about his obsession with candy. I love how Malcolm doesn’t even hesitate before giving JT an honest answer. Malcolm is acting like JT’s annoying little brother and I am here for it. One thing I did notice though - Malcolm specifically mentions candy+dopamine but doesn’t mention his depression/anxiety. Processed sugar can be a short-term (unhealthy) way to boost your mood. It’s why some people eat their feelings. I really want more backstory about Malcolm with the lollipops and licorice though. 

9:19 - “But you didn’t do anything wrong.” Awwww Malcolm is so soft here. I love how much he genuinely cares about JT. <3 I love how JT is comfortable enough with Malcolm to give him an honest answer. <3 THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS GONE THROUGH SUCH A GLOW UP. <3 

9:32 - “Like toy dolls?” hahaha the way Malcolm perked up here. All I could think was “SQUIRREL!” hahaha. 

9:41 - Malcolm is doing better than he has been the past few episodes? I mean he’s still suffering and he’s still in a terrible mental state. BUT he also seems happier? IDK maybe he’s just entered the more manic nervous energy stage of his emotions as opposed to the depressed and scared stage. 

9:49 - “Deep childhood trauma”. So we’re looking for a debutant killer with childhood trauma who is chasing perfection? Debutant = rich lady culture. Like Ainsley. AND Ainsley went to the same etiquette school as the first two victims. The writer’s wanted us to assume the killer was Ainsley for the first 15 mins of this episode right? I’m not the only one seeing it?

10:04 - “My sister went there too.” ....why is there something super attractive about the way that line was delivered?

10:08 - I’m so done with this absolute tom foolery. Why does the team keep splitting up into two teams - where one team is JUST MALCOLM. The one who is unarmed and technically a civilian?!? This makes no logical sense to me (except for plot).

10:25 - Was Martin just about to say, “Just like the old days”?!? Is Martin referring to Endicott? OR is Martin referring to something that Malcolm’s repressed from his childhood?

10:30 - “I always root for the bad guys.” .....finally some truth from Martin.

10:40 - Soooooo I guess Mr. David doesn’t know? I promise you Mr. David has suspicions though. How could he not?!?!

11:24 - “It was brutal for Ains.” Look at how sad Malcolm is! Ugh. This hurts so much. He clearly loves his sister so so much and what she’s done is slowly killing him. I honestly think that part of the reason Malcolm helped Ainsley dispose of the body is that Malcolm doesn’t want to loose his sister. His sister is one of the only good things he’s always been able to count on. If word gets around that she’s a killer - Malcolm’s fragile world gets shattered a little more and I don’t know if Malcolm can recover mentally from that. 

11:36 - “Teasing made her capable of...stuff.” C’MON. There’s no way Mr. David doesn’t know. 

11:45 - Sooo is Martin saying that he recognized that Ainsley was a sociopath when she was a small child? Or did she just respond to his (or John Watkins’) grooming much ‘better’ than Malcolm?

11:56 - “Because she’s her mother’s” Okay. So I see the point. I can see that Ainsley is driven and stubborn like Jessica. BUT it feels like Martin is suggesting that Jessica is capable of murder? Which - I honestly don’t think she is. If anything - Malcolm is more like Jessica than Ainsley is.

11:59 - There was a look in Martin’s eyes when he was comparing Ainsley to Jessica that really freaked me out. I can’t figure out why. It makes me wonder if Martin still somehow views Jessica as ‘his possession’ (he refers to her as his wife all the time but I always assumed that was just to get a rise out of people?). Martin’s dream from 2x4 certainly suggests that he still wants Jessica romantically. I honestly think he’s going to try to escape and rekindle the romance with Jess; and it’s going to go very poorly when Jessica rejects him. 

12:06 - Preach JT. Preach. This is creepy af. 

13:00 - Ugh. Of course this creep has a history of indecent exposure. Now I understand why Gil and JT were hostile with the dude right from the start. 

13:12 - Man. People will use the Bible to justify anything. No wonder people hate Christians ( I say this as a practicing Christian).

13:18 - JT is such a good dude. I’m so glad he’s a dad now. <3 He’s going to be such a good one. <3

13:26 - “One phone call and this place will be shut down.” OH SHIT. GIL THAT IS VICIOUS AND I RESPECT THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

13:35 - I soooo thought that dude was going to sprint out of that room. 

14:30 - THIS. YES. This is why I have a problem with Ainsley’s enthusiasm for murder vs. Malcolm’s. Ainsley’s enthusiasm is centred on her nee to ‘get the story’. She’s obsessed with forwarding her career and as a result she’s treating crime like a competitive sport. Malcolm’s obsession (while it can border on creepy and reckless) is always centred on his need to find the killer and stop the murders. Malcolm is seeking justice and his heart is in the right place. I can’t say the same for Ainsley.

14:31 - “We’re brother and sister, everything is a competitive sport”.....whoever wrote this doesn’t have a sibling they experienced trauma with as a kid (and as a result was raised by a single parent). Seriously, my dad was abusive he lived with us until I was 10 and my brother was 7. Then my parents got divorced and my mom was a single parent (he didn’t pay child support or see his kids after the divorce). Are my brother and I competitive? Sure sometimes. But the way we grew up forced us to become partners. Annoyed with Mom? Let’s rant about it together. Is he struggling in math? I’ll tutor him in exchange for a Reese cup. Am I struggling at daycare because I have massive social anxiety? He’ll include me in whatever he’s doing so I’m not sitting alone in a corner. My point: siblings who experience trauma together don’t have the typical sibling relationships that are widely televised in North America. There’s a lot less fighting and competition and a lot more teaming up and commiserating. 

14:39 - “It. It’s terrible.” - Notice how Ainsley didn’t actually say how it made her feel? She gave the standard “TV response” to a murder “a terrible/horrific/tragedy has occurred”. She doesn’t feel bad that these women are dead. She’s too consumed with getting a story to even stop and let herself feel anything. I’ve been saying it since last season - the way Ainsley shows no regard for other people and their feelings when she’s obsessed with her job is concerning. 

14:50 - “Remind me of the people who cut us off after Dad’s arrest.” ...Are you kidding me?!? The whole fandom has been speculating about this since early season one and they’re not going to elaborate on that line?!? I’m going to need some more information about this and it better be in the upcoming episode where Jessica’s younger sister appears. 

15:40 - She thinks of her students as family? Sooo what does she think of Ainsley? Wasn’t Ainsley bullied at this school? Did she do anything about it? 

16:00 - this is like a ‘weekend/evening school’ right? Kids aren’t living in this house like a boarding school/summer camp?

16:01 - “Mr. Whitly” UGH. This bitch preaches etiquette and she doesn’t even have the common courtesy to call Malcolm by the name with which he introduced himself? Nah. I don’t like her. 

16:13 - Ugh. Ainsley, seriously? Why don’t you help your brother solve the case. AND PREVENT MORE MURDERS. Why are you indirectly but purposely obstructing justice?

16:37 - “Of course.” Huh. Do you think Martin might try and manipulate Ainsley into killing Malcolm? Ainsley definitely capable of it. She doesn’t actually seem to care about Malcolm nearly as much as he cares about her. 

17:17 - WTF?!? That’s creepy af. How did no one in this show think this assistant was a suspect? She has a super creepy doll that she ‘forgot’ on the floor the middle of a hallway. AND THE DOLL WAS STANDING UP. Not sitting, not dropped carelessly, STANDING UP.

17:30 - Look at Malcolm’s face. He’s definitely going to be having nightmares about that doll. 

18:25 - OMG. This was amazing. JT just totally bulldozed his way into catching that dude. Very badass. Also kind of funny (maybe that’s just my messed up sense of humour again?).

18:44 - Ugh. This dude has a thing for dolls. I don’t want to kink shame but - no. no. There’s something really gross about that.  

18:48 - I’ve seen some people say that this doll looks like Ainsley and how that’s supposed to be some sort of foreshadowing/symbolism. I kind of see it? I mean the hair colour is similar and if you pause the screen at 18:48 the angle kind of looks like Ainsley? It would be an interesting metaphor though - Ainsley played with dolls as a little girl. John Watkins gave her angel statues. She is Watkins’ and Martin’s doll’ in the sense that she was the object that murders manipulated/groomed. 

18:53 - Then again, pause the screen here and there’s something about the facial structure that looks like Dani to me. 

19:00 - Jessica lets Ainsley work in the murder office?!? No. No she doesn’t. This is garbage. Jessica would’ve forbade it. Jessica would’ve bordered up this room immediately after Watkins.

19:57 - Poor Jessica. She’s clearly terrified that she’s losing Ainsley and terrified of Ainsley. BUT Jess, sweetie, running to Europe won’t fix this. 

20:16 - “She wanted the dolls to look like her students.” AND PEOPLE SEND THEIR CHILDREN TO HER?!? WTF?!? NO. NO. NO. NOT OKAY. 

20:31 - HAHA look at Gil’s face when Trevor tells him he can make the ‘perfect woman’. Gil’s like WTF - can I arrest you for thinking you can fabricate a ‘perfect woman’?!!?

21:06 - Malcolm is having so much fun playing with Trevor’s doll head. Look at how excited he is. It’s kind of adorable but his manic energy is showing which is concerning. 

21:10 - Why is Trevor giving his doll fancy 1940s(ish) names? 

21:31 - Props to LDP. I honestly believed Gil was annoyed with Malcolm for barging in on the interrogation the first time I watched this. 

21:42 - “They got a word for everything.” hahaha OMG. This is so reminiscent of a teenager explaining some new tech to their tech-illiterate parents. 

22:00 - I can’t tell if Gil feels sorry for this creep or if he just thinks the dude is really gross. Probably a mixture. 

23:00 - Oh we’re bringing up the chloroform again. At least Malcolm knows not listen to Martin about this nonsense. 

23:25 - “It doesn’t feel fun.” - THIS. This is why I honestly don’t think Malcolm will ever become a serial killer. His guilt complex is just too big.

23:56 - Are. You. Kidding. Me? This is next level. Ainsley is so out of line here. AND SHE SHOWS NO REMORSE. SHE DOESN’T THINK SHE’S DONE ANYTHING WRONG. THIS GIRL HAS GONE DARK SIDE (she was already halfway there).

24:17 - I’m getting papa!Gil vibes when Gil is talking to Ainsley and I want more scenes of them interacting. Seriously, did Gil have a relationship with Ainsley when she was a kid? I MUST KNOW.

24:45 - Ainsley has no conscience. I honestly don’t think Ainsley has a conscience. 

25:00 - “Who is that!?” Malcolm is totally acting like he’s Ainsley’s father-figure right now. I’m here for it. 

25:22 - SORE LOSERS?!? I’m sorry. What? If you weren’t concerned about Ainsley you damn well should be now. That is seriously messed up. People are dead. This is not a game. Do you know who else thought murder was a game? Martin Whitly.

25:31 - Okay. Ainsley has a point. Malcolm lecturing anyone about being reckless is pretty hypocritical. But at least Malcolm cares about her. 

25:54 - Heart. Shattered. Look at how terrified Jessica is. Look at how gentle and reassuring Gil is. UGh. WHY DID SHE BREAK UP WITH HIM??! I mean, I know why I just think she’s a moron for doing it. 

26:00 - Poor Gil. He’s so confused and so concerned. The whole Whitly family is acting crazier then usual and he doesn’t know why. 

26:11 - “Both you and Malcolm are at an 11 and I’ve never seen Ainsley like that.” FIND YOURSELF A MAN WHO CARES LIKE GIL AND NEVER LET HIM GO. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Seriously. The love and concern he shows for this family warms my cold dead heart. 

26:16 - “Her father?!” Oh shit. Now Gil knows there’s something BIG happening. Jessica would never run to Martin unless she absolutely had to. 

26:19 - annnnd Gil’s also being a prideful man who’s feeling are hurt. “You went to him?” He’s right to be though - the woman he loves went to a serial killer for advice before going to the guy who practically co-parented with her. 

26:33 - “I’m here. Whatever you need. I’m here.” <3 <3 Gil is the definition of a good man. <3 I’m in love with it. 

26:48 - “You were right on time for me.” ....*snort* subtle Gil (and in front of JT!!)

27:08 - Edrisa is hysterical on caffeine. hahaha. This whole scene is perfect. 

27:20 - You know someone is acting manic when Malcolm Bright is concerned about their eccentric behaviour. 

27:34 - Annnnnd Tom Payne was a split second from breaking character here. I don’t blame him. hahaha

28:05 - EDRISA flipping and dropping that pencil. HAHAHAHAHAHA

29:10 - “Absolutely not.” hahaha this is funny but also really sweet. Malcolm knows that Edrisa hopped up on caffeine isn’t safe to have near an active killer. Who knows what’ll happen. I wish he’d care that much about his own well being. Looks like calling for backup last episode was a one time thing. 

30:37 - I’ll give the writers one thing - Miss Windsor makes a convincing murder suspect.

31:22 - GIL. STANDING. UP. FOR. JT. IS. EVERYTHING. Where is O’Malley’s back up? Oh yeah, they’re not brave enough to defend him.

32:00 - Huh. Bright texted for backup. This is growth. I’m proud of him. 

32:15 - YES. This JT arc was handled right. Sure JT could’ve complained. It would’ve been episodes upon episodes of bureaucratic nightmares and injustice. This show isn’t about racism. They showed enough to portray that the system is broken and they had JT act like a responsible adult. It’s not fair that JT had to go through this or that he’ll likely experience something similar to it again. But the fact that JT is acting like a bigger person is perfect. JT will protect his family. Always. That includes Malcolm. So JT avoids putting through a formal complaint because he knows that will take time away from doing his job, from protecting others, from hanging out with his wife and kid. JT’s taking the higher road, it might not be gratifying or fair but I respect the hell out of him for taking it. 

32:28 - Gil is so so proud of JT. Look at him. <3 <3 

33:40 - Look, Miss Windsor is a bit of a stuck up bitch but she has a good heart. Look at the way she immediately tells Malcolm where Ainsley is when she realizes what’s happening. 

34:14 - This confused me during the first watch - Ainsley obviously didn’t drink any tea - so why is she drugged? (obviously I know now). 

34:17 - Big brother Malcolm frantically looking for Ainsley is so so sweet. <3 

35:42 - The music, the dolls, and Miss Windsor’s speech here. There’s something about this part of the episode that is strangely reminiscent of 5x16 of Criminal Minds.

36:20 - ......does Miss Windsor have some sort of mental illness? She’s talking to herself and ranting erratically. Is this just emotional stress or something deeper?

37:00 - This is why Malcolm’s not a serial killer. Even now- looking at a killer - he’s trying to sympathize with her. He’s trying to understand why. He’s trying to calm her down, diffuse the threat, and get her mental help. 

39:00 - Oh yeah. Ainsley was definitely going to kill without remorse. Again. I’ve seen some theories that Ainsley only ever tries to kill to protect Malcolm. I disagree. I think Ainsley’s trying to protect herself. Ainsley is pissed off that this girl tried to drug her and kill her because she thinks Ainsley is wicked. Ainsley was pissed at Endicott for whatever he did to Ainsley before Malcolm got there. I think Ainsley felt threatened and scared so she reacted. I don’t think this has anything to do with protecting Malcolm.

39:41 - Malcolm isn’t a killer. Look. He smells gas but he takes the time to carry an unconscious murderer (who literally just tried to kill his sister) out of the building. 

40:00 - The drama. Holy hell. What a weird ending to this case.

40:48 - Who gave Ainsley a police jacket and let her keep it?

41:14 - She almost died and she’s still obsessing over ‘winning’. This is seriously unstable behaviour. Way more concerning than anything Malcolm’s done since 2x1. 

41:45 - “My father was a serial killer also.” Anyone else super irritated by that phrasing?!?  Just me?!? Something about the ‘also’ feels super wrong to me.

41:53 - Oh sweetie. I’d argue that you are more messed up than Malcolm. 

42:06 - Jessica went to see Martin twice in one episode. THIS IS BAD.

42:15 - “Maybe even more so than Malcolm if that’s possible.” Jessica knows her kids. I’m on her side here. 

42:20 - Martin is way too happy about Ainsley showing signs of serial killing. 

42:30 - Jessica? You married an act. That man never existed. He’s always been a serial killer. You just didn’t know it. He’s manipulative and you were a victim to it. 

42:50 - “A partner.” OH THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL. ESPECIALLY FOR THE GIL/JESSICA ARC.

Okay....so definitely the weakest episode of the season so far. AND the fact that we got no mention of Tally and/or the baby this episode is a crime. 

BUT I’M SO SO SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE. It’s going to be a televised fanfic and I can’t wait. 

[heckingsadsac]

So I decided to try and start the recovery journey (again) about 2 weeks ago, and it’s both easier and harder then I expected. I’ve been working out for minimum 30 min a day, but most days I end up somewhere closer to 60-75 min. I wake up at 6, try and start my morning workout (or stretching on sundays, my designated rest day) by 6:10-620. Then I have my cup of coffee (with cream!😁) and write in my journal (either a motivational quote, what I’m grateful for, that kinda stuff) and I’ve been writing a to do list. I’ve been trying to make it a doable list, I’ll put little things I know I’ll do anyways, just to keep myself motivated when I can check things off. Then I’ll make breakfast around 8, usually either a piece of Ezekiel bread with a bit of avocado (that was scary at first, but then I realized it was less then 200 calories for the whole thing), a serving of oatmeal with some fruit, or a smoothing depending on my mood and how quite I have to be. Sometimes I kinda fail and miss breakfast, but I’m trying really hard to eat it. For lunch I usually have some sort of salad, and I’ve been working on including more variety in nutrients. Like I’ll put some chickpeas in it, or some guacamole, or maybe even both! Then I usually have some kind of protein snack, usually these no cow protein bars I found (they’re kinda gross but also good? Idk how I feel about them but they’re 22g of protein, vegan, and 190 calories) and start my evening workout around 5. Those are either 30 or 40 min depending on the day. Then I’ll shower and make dinner, something with a lot of protein and veggies, and some type of carb/fat. And some days I’ll even have dessert! Last night I made some “icecream” and had it with a half serving of granola, it was so good! It was frozen banana, strawberries, and cherries, blended with a tbsp of natural peanut butter (also scary) and a splash of unsweetened cashew milk (lower in calories then almond milk, who knew!?). So good! And according to my apple fitness I’m still burning more then I’m consuming. And something really strange happened the other day, for the first time EVER I weighed myself and was actually slightly disappointed that I’d lost weight?

Idk this was super long and I’m sure no one is going to read it, but I just felt like I should do an update🤷🏻‍♂️

Also I kinda have baby abs now? I mean, they’re not like super prominent but they’re there! And (tmi) my butt is looking a lot less saggy 😂 and I actually think I look better now then when I was at my lightest? I mean, it’s only a 7lb difference, but still! My love handles are smaller (I have never had the confidence to wear lower cut pants without a shirt before) baby abs are starting, I don’t have any pictures of my butt but maybe I’ll do a before and “after” (I plan to keep this up so the after will be more of just a this is now). And my tight shorts don’t make my legs bubble out as much as they used to! Enjoy my messy room and sleepy cat!

Also not that it matters but in case anyone doesn’t know, I’m agender and have had too surgery and was on hormones for a few years (I stopped them a couple of months ago), just in case I post a picture in a bra or something super fem that’s why😂

[taking-over-his-life]

The leather bitch

t was a fantastic summers day. I had ridden down to Kent to be at the bull bikers bash, a hells angel run biking event. I was in my horniest leathers, laced jeans high boots leather shirt and jacket. Sunglasses just tipped the balance I was a horny fucker and knew it.

As the day rolled on I was getting hornier and hornier, some of the men were just out of this world, hot, hairy, dirty bikers, muscled and greasy woof, just what I liked. I followed several but got no where, they all seemed straight.

They were after the bitches here, and some of those were really hot, High thigh high leather boots leather trousers, bras, damn gorgeous, they even made me feel a little hard.  I had followed one guy a good distance through the crowds and had rubbed against him a couple of times, tats, sweat ,leather, hair, woof ,my kind of man. I was disappointed when he met up with this bitch.

She was about 5 8, short black hair, very pretty, dressed to fucking kill, more leather on her than a cow

His dick jumped when he saw her, fuck I wish I could been her for an hour or so as what followed just stunned me. He got down and pulled up her leather skirt and was straight into her cunt, licking like a good one, she was in ecstasy. Then he pulled her towards his dick and rammed it straight in, massaging her tits as he entered deep into her, it was heaven to watch.

He finished and went away, she looked at me, ‘did you like that’? She said, ‘yes’ I said ‘but not the way you think’. I’ bet I know, bum boi’ she said ‘you watched his arse more than mine’.

I blushed, ‘you got it, wish I could have been you for that session’ I said. ‘Now that would be interesting wouldn’t it, you'd have a cunt as well as a hole, huge tits, and lots of men. Saying that id be able to try outa dick, wouldnt mind trying.’ she said. ‘if only’ I said smiling at her taking in every curve.

I went back to her tent with her, It was covered in leather gear, we chatted for ages, and got on real well. Her name was Ann. We talked about possessing each others bodies and what we would do, it was so hot and horny. She let me touch her, all over and it got me going. My dick was hard and she sucked me off. First time for a bitch.

She pulled off her leather boots, 'smell these’ she said, and as I did I was getting horny, she liked it. ‘If you could change bodies would you,’ she said, Im not sure ’I responded ‘but id like to try’. ‘Take this’ she said and gave me a tablet, . ‘Do you want to swap gear, pretend your me and I'm you’, I looked at her standing there in full gear, ‘sure’ I said

She was so curvaceous in her gear, I would love to be her.

She stripped off and passed me her knickers. Her cunt had leaked the guys cum, but I wanted it and put them . they were warm and soft as they pressed against my dick. my dick was solid. Then she took off the suspender belt and stockings and passed them to me, I pulled the belt up so it was around my waist and started to pull on the stockings, They were black fish nets, not easy to manoeuvre, but soft and silky as I pulled them up on my legs and attached them to the belt..

‘I want your body Mr ‘she said ‘whats your name’ I responded ‘ Dave’. ‘Your now Ann’ she said’, I'm Dave’.' Call me Dave' she said  I did

She passed me her leather jeans tight and horny then the stiletto thigh boots, fuck I felt so good. The jeans were tight as I sat down and pulled them on then over my dick. The stilettos were high I pulled them on so the top came to my waist, I tried to stand up, difficult, but they felt hot.

At the same time she was wearing my gear, she took off her lthr jacket and bask then the bra

‘Suck these’, I sucked at her tits, ‘you want them, ’she said.  ‘you bet I do. ’I responded

I put her bra on ,it was warm where her tits had been, soft leather, she tied it for me, ‘here’, she said as she passed me some stuff to fill them

Then she helped with the bask and pulled it tight, I was feeling like her.

I pulled on here arm long leather gloves, and started to feel myself all over

We were dressed as each other. ‘Whats your name’ she asked, ‘I'm Ann’ I said. She was strapping a huge dildo to her waist. ‘On the bed bitch’ she shouted, I did as i was told, balancing to the blow up mattress on the floor of the tent, feeling the strangeness of her gear all over me. The tablet was taking effect and i was so damn horned up by this.

Suddenly my legs were in the air, a back zipper had been opened in my leather jeans, at the dildo she was wearing was entering me. ‘whats it like to be a bitch Mr.’ she said ‘I want your body and life and you will have mine.’

She fucked me deep and hard, and I played along, ‘Dave fuck me deeper’ I cried ‘fuck me hard I'm your bitch’ I screamed as I moaned with delight as the dildo went deeper and deeper into me. I looked at her in my gear the thought of a transfer was incredible. The tablet enhancing it.. I came in her knickers, and she got down and licked them out.

Gradually we both fell to sleep

I woke up about 4 hours later, with the noise of someone moving. As I looked I saw the back of leather clad guy leaving the tent, he was tall and had the same gear as me. Strange I thought. I stood up and was feeling really strange.

As I stood up I noticed I was wearing stocking and suspenders, I must have changed with her, I thought, yes i remember the role play last night. fuck, nice, but as I started to feel them, I felt different, fuck I thought, as I moved my hand to my dick, it was gone and a cunt was there instead, It was warm moist hairy, and it was a cunt, shit!!. I was terrified, what had she done, ‘no, no NO.’ I shouted but it wasn't my voice,  I got a mirror and looked, she had done it, I was her, it was her face, her body she had stolen mine.. Fuck want am I going to do

I was terrified, sweating ad pacing the tent. Looking around it was her gear bitch things. I started breathing slowly to calm down, and I started to feel my new self, huge tits, and boi are the nipples sensitive, huge hips, and a huge cunt as I touched it I tingled.

I stripped off, and lay there feeling and examining. I liked it, I could have that greasy biker now.

I searched around and found a pair of leather knickers and put them on, leather suspender belt and fish net stocking. I found some leather jeans and I had problems getting them on they were so tight, but fuck did they look good, no the thigh high leather stilettos fuck I thought. Can I walk in this.

I found a leather bra and a bask on the went, and boi did they fit well, then long leather gloves .

I needed to get out and get fucked.

Boi did I turn heads as I walked out. There was so much dick I could have, then I saw too black bikers, there dicks were sticking through their leather, woof I thought.

I went over too them and within minutes I was in a wood behind their tent

Their dicks were out and I was on my knees with both of them in my mouth God that was good.

There pre cum run down my chin, there hands caressing my tits, the feeling was unbelievable.

I let there dicks slide out of my mouth and stood up, one a huge guy, shaved head with a moustache pulled me to him and started to kiss me his tongue entered my mouth and caressed me, his hands pulling me too him and holding me firm, the other was stripping off my boots and jeans, licking at my arse and cunt, I was in heaven, then I felt the head of his dick against my arse gently pushing in, the second guy let me go and took out his dick and put it against my cunt, his hands were on my tits.

I pushed against his dick and it started to go in, the second guy entered my arse, his hands were on my nipples, the first guy started kissing me again and his hands were on my arse, Both got into a rhythm and both started to enter deep into me.

This was unreal, the feels just so intense, they started to pound me from both ends as well as deep tongue and nipple play, I just lost myself and got totally into it, deeper and deeper they went, I was totally into this, and didn’t want them to stop. After about 30 mins they bothy came inside of mf pushing so deep and hard I could feel their juices filling me, then they pulled out and we all lay on the ground.

After a few minutes, the bald one started to kiss me again and play with my tits, the other was stretching my legs apart, then I felt his tounge deep inside my cunt, he was licking me out and sucking his m8s cum they were gods .

Then it happened an orgasm, my first female orgasm, I was just lifted to another sphere, it was so so intense, I shuddered and screamed,

The in it was time to go, they handed me my leather knickers and I slid them on, enjoying the feel of the leather against my new cunt and ass hole, my new body and the gear, just turned me on I wanted to cum , but couldn’t, again. they watched me intensely. Then the leather bra, over my sensitive tits, fuck they were huge, the nipples sore and very sensitive after the session, then the jeans nice and tight, the boots, and the jacket and gloves, I was sex on legs and was looking for more.

Both kissed me and rubbed my cunt and arse and off I went.

I went to a tent with a bar. As I walked in the wolf whistles started. I got to the bar and this hairy muscled tattooed god, offered me a drink. Whisky and soda. I knocked it back and we began to talk. He passed me an e. I took it more whisky, and he wanted to dance . I got up and strutted my stuff. He was rubbing his erect dick against my pussy, and I liked it.

He got hold of me and led me outside. ‘I want to fuck you so much’, he said. ‘Me too, I want you in me’ I said. We went to his tent at the far end of the camp. By this time I was out of my head, he carried me part way, and I just looked up at him, fuck me I said

He stunk of oil, leather and sweat, his nazi metal helmet, cut of studded waistcoat and jacket, muscles and hair. My cunt was seeping, I was tounging him as he laid me down.

His head just moved and he started to lick at my leather crotch, I placed both gloved hands on the back of his head and pushed his head in.. he started to lick through the leather, while at the same time, massaging my tits,

I could feel his dick growing as his crotch was on my leg so I started moving about to stimulate it. I wanted him in me.

He got up on his knees, and started to pull my thigh high boots off me, one at a time,

Smiling at me with such a filthy smile he unzipped my jeans and gently pulled them off me, inside I was bursting . he got on top of me and started to tounge me, deep and penetrating. His leather covered dick pushing at my wet hot cunt.

He sat up and took out some quaffs, lit up and passed one too me, I took a drag. ‘They are strong babe’, he said, 'he stronger the better' I said, ‘I'm sure that cock of yours is thick and long, I may need this to survive,’ I smiled, he lifted his eyebrows, ‘then lets see’

He unzipped his dick and it emerged from the leather a good 12 ins and really thick. It was like a telegraph pole and I wanted it

I pulled him down on me and started to feel his hairy chest I want you in mw I said

He puled down my damp leather knickers and pointed his dick to my cunt, I grabbed hold of his arse and pulled, he started to enter me. Deeper and deeper, it was so good he was filling every inch of me.

In seconds we were both but naked and he was hammering me. Drugs flowed and two other bitched came in, I was fighting for his attention and didn’t like. It then 4 guys, and fuck was of them was Dave, my old self, fuck Ann you look hot he said

He was on me in seconds in a dark corner of the tent. You enjoying this, yes I said, I am too, having a dick is great, I wan t to fuck you rigid, please I said.

Soon I saw my own face and body feeling my own dick. I'm not giving this back Ann, you will when u tire, no never this is mine, I'm Dave, I started speak and he covered my mouth and forced an e in me, rest Ann, enjoy your new life, he forced his dick deep into me.

[aggresivelyfriendly]

To Be So Lonely Harry Styles au pair AU-

Chapter 3

Another Day Till Paradise

HI! Thanks for reading, to @chasm2018​, for brainstorming, @papiermachecat​ for the catalyst, and @dirtystyles​ and @emulateharry​ for the read through!

Enjoy!

"Just one more set of notes to go over and I get to put this case away forever! And we get to go to Malibu!" Vee sing-songed into the phone. Harry's  chuckle was in key with her happiness.

"It's a long time coming, I know." She could imagine his fond smile. "You've been working hard for months."

"Months and months." She stretched long and groaned a little.

"You tired?" He asked. "You were up before Maribel and out the house."

"I am, but also really restless. I was so excited about putting this one to bed, I wasn't able to sleep much myself." She started to get her auto dictating stuff together. She usually typed things, but she was feeling the 12 hours she'd been up and knew the words would blur. She'd do it like this and have her assistant proof and file. She was ready to go home. That meant she needed to get off the phone. "What are the babies doing?" She asked instead.

"Oh, well, they are thrashing about in their cribs." She heard him move the monitor. "Looks like Bel is up and staring at Teo, willing him awake."

"Seems late for them to sleep." Since they dropped to one nap it was just after lunch until 2:30.

"We had that date with Jameson's nanny from playgroup, remember? They are on a slightly later schedule, so I fed them and then had them walk the short distance home."

"How did you do that?" Her mind boggled trying to picture it, she was sure her eyes goggled too.

He laughed. "I alternated. One by hand, the other on my hip, and when one started whining while the other started to drop off, I switched them." God, he was strong.

"Nice." Vee really should go.

"Yeah it worked a treat. You done typing the brief? when will you be home?" She heard him click off the monitor. "Teo is more than stirring now."

"Um," she'd be about done had she either got off the phone to dictate or typed it while they spoke. She opened a doc and started typing. She may be tired, but this was faster. "Give me a half an hour."

"Need to let me go?" She kinda did. He was walking, his breath was a little faster.

"No, put me on speaker and let me talk to the babies. We can wake them together." She heard a cry.

"Oh no need to wake them. But mamas voice may quiet them." She put her own phone on speaker and talked with Teo while she heard Harry with Maribel in the background.

She'd be jealous she wasn't there except she would be for the next two weeks. Harry had a friend in LA, a wealthy one (she'd have to ask about that), who had offered his beach house. She'd been bandying about vacation ideas when Harry's face brightened in that way he had. His ideas were usually brilliant, and he told great stories, though usually his tales of their day revealed more about himself than any direct question she had asked him. When she asked about him, he'd shrug and go over his CV. Born in the north of England, divorced parents, amazing mum, lovely sister, moved to the states to do his doctorate, couldn't keep up with the expense, was in sabbatical to earn some money to finish.

Those were all pleasant facts, except the divorce, his face scrunched like bitter lemon on that tidbit, but they weren't really about him. The thing she knew, were from observation, or his long asides.

He liked his coffee black but his tea strong and sweet, and only from a pot, not a bag. His favorite meal was breakfast and he ate it at all times of the day and night. Once she'd found him making pancakes at 2:30 am. "Couldn't sleep, and it's always a good time for pancakes," he'd grinned. "Try it." So she'd sat at the breakfast bar and been a good student of anytime breakfast. He also liked to grab cold pancakes as a snack, as did her babies now. "I use the whole grain mix and put in eggs, so they get protein." He'd looked for approval.

He looked for her approval a lot. She wasn't sure if he was trying to keep her involved, was being polite, or really was unsure. Harry's ideas and ways were nearly always A+.

He had asked for approval on the Malibu idea. And he'd told the story in that meandering way of his. Vee, how she'd come to think of herself since he adopted the nickname, usually left with more information about him, and less about whatever the actual topic.

The day they'd been talking about vacation ideas was a perfect example. Harry had been sitting across from her with that sweet little cock to his head he got when she was talking at length. It might be the first time in her life she felt like somebody listened to her and really liked it. Her mama did too, now, but when she was little her mama had been so tired. She worked too hard, too much, and too many jobs. Mama was tired when she got home, and she never had the money or paid time off for a vacation. Because of that, all that scarification, Vee did.

"I should be done with this case at month ends I think I'd really like to go somewhere, relax, play with the babies, sleep in."

Harry laughed. "Vacation with the twins means you won't be getting to sleep in much."

"Not if you come with us." She raised her eyebrows at him. He deserved a vacation too. He'd been working a lot right along with her. She'd paid him extra, but wanted to do more, and there was the other benefit. "Then we can switch off days, I'll keep them most nights, but maybe you can keep them a few mornings?" She hoped he liked the idea, or maybe he would like to just have the time off to see friends, or maybe even go home. "If you want too." She tried to take the pressure off, scale back the hope in her eyes.

"I think that vacation sounds amazing!" His dimples were so huge, she liked that they showed sometimes even when he wasn't smiling. He was now. "What kind of vacation were you thinking, mountains, beach, big city? Driving or flying?"

He was about to keep going when she cut him off. He might start talking about his favorite vacation when he was 12, or something, and entertaining as that time in Portugal may have been, it wasn't germane to the moment.

"I would actually just love to get out of the city, but still have city amenities. Beaches, and laying around, with nice food and hiking, but not an all inclusive. Ya know. And sunsets. I'd really love some devastating sunsets." She missed heat too. "Somewhere warm. And flying. But not too far. And no layovers. Not with Beli and Teo."

Harry had straightened up in his chair and smiled with flashing eyebrows. He'd put a finger up while he stood before disappearing into a room. He came back 15 min later with the same light on his face stirred together with a bit of triumph.

"I have the perfect vacation for us!" He grabbed the barstool he'd vacated with one dinner plated sized hand and sat across from her. Then leaned in with his chin on his fist. "Have you ever been to LA?"

Victoria wasn't able to school her face.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But there are some really amazing things to do and see there, if you avoid the star walk and such." She'd not been to the star wall. She'd been there for a conference and hadn't seen much but the walls of it, and the immediate area in downtown LA. She hadn't been impressed.

"How'd you know so much about LA?" It was on the other side of the world after all, from the place that imprinted on his voice.

"Oh, I have family, although I guess more close family friends there," he stopped to puzzle over the tree and its branches. "Yeah, just my dad's old college mate, not actually blood relations, though I called him uncle my whole life. Anyway, I wasn't sure where I wanted to go for my post grad. I talked to myself about the requisite places in England. But Oxford and Cambridge seem so stuffy."

"And Harvard isn't stuffy?" She'd gone to Brown.

He had a goofy snicker sometimes. It might be her favorite flavor of his laugh. "Not nearly as cool as Brown. Who went there?" He rapped his chin. "Oh JFK Jr! That's right. Who else?"

There was a list but she just narrowed her eyes.

"Anyway. The opposite of stuffy seemed like California. So I decided that Stanford might be nice. So I called my 'uncle' in LA to see if I could stay with him and commute to school or something."

Vee giggled.

"Ya, I had no idea how big California was. I guess I figured it was like San Francisco, Stanford. LA. Three hours tops, make a tour, see the sights, catch the vibe," he mimicked a surfboard and she lost it.

She was full out laughing by now. His hand illustrations and the little literal hop, skip, and a jump he performed before that. He should go to Disneyland too with that level of animation. "Did your uncle teach you different?"

"Well, no, like kinda. He mostly just was excited to have me. But we went to his house on the beach in Malibu first and then drove to Stanford. Which was beautiful. Up the coast."

"Isn't that like 12 hours?"

"Like 10, I dunno, forever, but we stopped in Monterey. That was nice. And beachfront. By the time we got to Palo Alto, which means high stick by the way, that's a weird name for a town, I was disappointed. The weather was way better in Malibu. Also I had imagined Stanford was waterfront."

"It's not far. The whole state can't be on the ocean."

"Think my expectations were ruinous. I had no idea how big the place was. But, it wasn't what I had in my mind." He shrugged.

"And Boston was." That was the puzzle. It was cold here, and definitely not postcard beaches.

"Well, it's waterfront."

"Do you do much swimming?" She asked.

"I had it in my mind to go abroad by then, and  Boston seemed to have shit weather like home."

"Shittier." Vee flashed her palms like that was a given. There was more to this story, something she wasn't getting.

"Oh, Texas has better?" Harry derailed her and got up to move behind her in the kitchen. He was grabbing food now. Oooh, nap snack time. She loved when he did this. It was like an informal nosh, so different from the stuffy steak lunches at work when she had to go to client things.

How the hell did he pull together a bruschetta bar so quickly? "Made it last night." He answered her face. "Had a craving, made loads." She'd been around the office late again Friday evening, but only two more weeks until the case officially ended. Her part anyway. But she answered his cheek while she loaded up a toast point.

"Claro, San Antonio at least. Houston's a bit shit, Dallas gets cold, and hellishly hot—"

"Isn't San Antonio really hot?" He interrupted.

"Yeah, but it's a little drier, and there are hills and Austin is close, and it's just better. Certainly than Boston." She sighed. Sometimes she missed how big the sky was and that the clouds looked like cartoons.

"You'll have to show me." She'd like to. The house that built her. That was like the only country song she liked.

She smiled and nodded looking. "Yeah, sometime, you can come to when we go we abuelita. But, much as I love my mother, that's not a vacation exactly."

"Right." He nodded along. "So I just called James, my pseudo uncle, and they are going home for a month. He said we could use his beach house...." Harry's eyebrows  were as high as they could go, floating on hope.

"I only have two weeks."

"Yeah, that's enough, you'll be missing the east-coast-no-bullshit by then. Everybody is fake happy and nice in California." He sounded like he was standing behind a lectern.

"Like you." She felt the need to remind him. He was the happiest person she knew.  But she knew a lot of lawyers.

"Oh, mine's not fake." He shook his head.

That was true. He really was just ridiculously nice.

"But it has its perks. Last time I was there, I found this smoothie shop, amazing wheatgrass shots, and they have a vegan restaurant." he responded to her face, again. He read her like a favorite book. "When in Malibu, Vee." His smile required an answer and a question.

"What the fuck is wheatgrass?"

"You just cursed!" He covered the speaker of the monitor.

She smirked, "That's so we can hear them, not them us, tonto."

"Did you just curse again, but in Spanish?!" He made his offended face. "You def need some California vibes and lots of wheatgrass to detox that liver. All that anger!" He was s shaking his head.

"What my what? None of what you just said makes any sense." She was giggling.

"I dunno, I'm making it up, based on what I can remember about how the guy got me to drink juiced grass. He said anger lives in the liver or the pancreas or some such. But it was good! The grass, kinda. And I felt good and my skin glowed after a few days of it."

His skin always glowed.

He misunderstood her incredulity. "You'll see! We can try some—"

"I'm not drinking grass, like I never ate mud pies." Victoria insisted, shaking her head at him, but carefully keeping her elbow against him. His had come to rest against her a moment ago. He was warm. It was hard for her to find the right temperature. She didn't have that trouble when they were adjacent.

"It's a thing. A Malibu thing, guaranteed to chill you out." That phrase sounded weird and wonderful in his accent. "All we need is flights, a car, everybody drives there, and bathing suits!" He picked up his phone. "Where do they have bathing suits right now? It's outta season."

The snow was black and melting. They may get one more blanket, or not. It was technically spring, just not in Boston.

"Target, it's almost Spring break." She reminded.

The corners of his lips turned down and she cocked her head to the side. She needed to look at his timeline. He seemed to really want to go back to school. She'd miss him dearly, but maybe they could work something out. Maybe she could hire somebody else for when he was in class and studying?

His brow cleared and brightened with an idea. "Wanna go pick stuff out while they finish their nap? Then we can meet you at the green. I'll bundle them up."

She checked her weather app. "Layers, the actual sun may come out!" She was already putting on her purse.

Vee had essentially been packing since that day, little by little. Well, shopping was probably a better word for it. She bought her first mum suit, and tried not to think much about it. Her old suits still fit, or fit again, just not like they used to, and her stomach had new pink welts, like veins of cotton candy, down the sides. She supposed there was nothing to be done about it, two humans had lived in there for a time. That had to leave a mark, right?

She still packed her old high cut black one piece. It looked good and she felt great in it. Victoria caught herself wondering what Harry would think of it before she switched her focus to the babies' suitcase. Like that mattered.

This mattered. Traveling with small children required stuff.

She'd been shopping for Teo and Bel as well. Who knew that resort wear for near toddlers were so adorable? There were a few pieces she knew would be super frustrating, long dress style things, cover ups she supposed.  She just wasn't sure what a baby needed to cover up. But it was so damn cute she'd bought it. There was a little voice in her head that said the inhibited movement may be worth the squalling near a pool. And what a pool it was.

More like an oasis from Harr's pictures. The lush greenery around the deck was like ivy, made it private from the beach the stairs led to. There was a gate, so the kiddos couldn't fall down the path or into the foliage, and the lounge chairs looked so plush, they made her want to nap immediately. "The fabric is moisture wicking, so you don't really need a towel." Harry had told her. She felt like it was made so you could swim naked, all the privacy screens and no need for linens. Not that anybody would be doing that. Small children and platonic nanny relationships and all.

Hmm.

But the moonlight glinting off crystal blue water and the night lighting of the pool were ethereal. Still took the swimmer to a new place it looked like, but instead the island oasis of the day, it was more a fairy hill, where magic things happened.

Magic.

She missed magic. She wasn't sure she'd ever really had it. The ex, well they'd had some good days, hanging out on quads and dancing late into the night. But, they'd gone straight to law school, then to a firm. There hadn't been much frolicking. Even their honeymoon had been serious, a tour of St. Petersburg and Poland. It was his dream trip, but some of the things they saw killed the libido. There were certainly no fairy lights or naked swimming.

Had she ever skinny dipped? That seemed like something that should have happened, and she was too old now to add it to her bucket list.

Was she too old?

Maybe it was time to start dating. She felt lonely. And was thinking about Harry in weird ways. She supposed it was just that they were going to a beautiful place that could be romantic. They made good friends, partners really, but he was younger, and they maybe flirted a tiny bit sometimes, but there was nothing romantic. He was just the nearest male. She needed some attention maybe. She hadn't in ages.

Victoria imagined kissing someone, a faceless someone, on one of the loungers, after a delicious midnight dip, of the thin variety. Wet lips and cool skin, hot breath. The feel on long fingers on both sides of her cheeks holding her still to deepen the kiss. The slide and wiggle of a rough tongue along her top mouth. Vee could feel the plump bottom lip  she imagined, and the broad back under her hands as she was rolled under most of the 60's, if the dates on his shoulders were a timeline.  The v of the back to a slim waist against her palms as they slid over skin beaded with cool water, and strong thighs with bits of text and fauna etched against the crux of her. She stood and defiantly closed the zipper.

That got oddly specific .

She needed to go on a date. But, obviously, after they got back from Malibu. Could she make up an excuse to leave the kids with Harry one day and meet with someone at the four seasons? Could she swipe right? She didn't think so. She'd just book a massage instead. The reviews there were amazing.

The knock startled her attention away from her suitcase. The door was open, the knock was courtesy.

"Hey, Harry!" She brightened her voice and smoothed her hair. For a moment, she thought about avoiding eye contact, but that would be a tell. She never did that. Especially not in court--a good suit and strong eye contact were good armor. He'd know something was up, she just had to pretend she wasn't just thinking of him on top of her or a liaison with a random to distract her from it. "You packed?"

"Yeah, did it during nap time today. Thought I'd see if you wanted help with the twins' bags?"

"No, gracias." Ohhh she was distracted. "I did them mostly yesterday, just got together the things that came today."

"And you are done?"

She fidgeted with the zipper her hand was still on, looked at it, so she didn't have to be staring into his eyes anymore. Eye contact was good, until it was eye fucking. She didn't want to get caught there, and her mind was still under the moon. "Yes!"

"It's easy to pack when everything is new huh?" His voice was lined with laughter. His teasing voice; she loved when she caught him talking to the littles in it. The dimples pressed into his voice and his cheeks.

"I put a few older things in there." She was looking in his eyes again. The smile was there too, and in her answering grin.

"Swimsuits, a dress or two you don't intend to wear?" He guessed expertly.

"How do you know that."

"Sister, mum." He shrugged. "But, since you're done, nightcap?"

It was only 9 pm, but their flight was ungodly early, so the kiddos would hopefully sleep until the airport, and they could get a full day on top of travel. "No, a melatonin is probably a better idea. Thanks though." Wine or anything like it, was a bad idea. Red wine made her languorous and chatty. Nope. And horny, which she was already battling, for the first time in a good while.

"Ok, see you before the sun."

"Yes, what a way to start the day!" She felt lame. That was lame, right? But he giggled.

"Oh yeah, I usually like it from the other side more."

"I used to, when you get to be my age, you'll see."

He rolled his eyes, but they had had this discussion before. "Sleep well, Victoria."

He didn't really call her that. She liked the way the syllables rolled off his tongue.

She needed that melatonin. No thinking about his tongue. Anymore thinking about his tongue. She'd need the moon medicine and to meditate, or something, to sleep.

In the end, meditating turned into masturbating, and she slept like a baby, for longer than she had in two months thanks to the case. She was thankful, the flight was hell. They were delayed, their early flight for baby sleep plan backfired, and they didn't make it to the beach house until sundown. And the kids were already sleeping as it was almost their bed time by their internal clocks.

She wished she could pretend she had jet lag, or she was tired at all. Instead, she was shaking from all the coffee she had consumed. Harry, too. They both drank iced coffee the way you were supposed to drink water.

They'd put the babies in the appointed room, where their hosts had put a lovely crib for them. It was only a minute to get the pack and play up. They'd have to alternate nights, seemed fair, though the babies would never know.

She watched them for a second. Two years ago, in the throes of a dying marriage, she'd have never imagined this life, this new life.

Part of that was Harry, he was a godsend. They had  dealt with the rough travel day together, baby switches and breaks included.

Apart from the shakes from all the iced coffee he kept producing, she could not fault him. He'd make somebody a great partner one day.

"Victoria?" She heard and followed the voice. The house was a good size, but not so large she couldn't hear him, and most of the place had a fantastic view.

The view outside was way better than the pictures. The sun was going down and the sunset started like cotton candy, there was a widening purple streak, and from the stairs down to the desk she could see the sun sinking into the ocean. It looked like it went on forever. It stole her breath.

Here sense was taken as well, because the view on the deck was better, Harry was stood between two of the plush deck chairs she had dreamed of and had fantasies about. He had two glasses of champagne, and was backlit by the sunset.

The worst of it, was that he was shirtless.

"Dios mio!" she exclaimed.

"Right," he opened his arms and turned around. His back was broader than she imagined. "Could this view be more gorgeous?

No, no it couldn't.

[rainbowsnsunnies]

Days 29 - 37 of 100 - 18/08 - 24/08 - The Productivity Burnout

Let me begin by telling you how proud I am of myself for sticking to this challenge for this long! I complete a month and ten days today, and you guys, when I say I never, in the slightest bit, imagined I’d reach this level of consistency, I MEAN I THOUGHT I COULD NEVER!

So, if you are just looking to start the 100DOP journey, don’t overthink about your patterns/consistency goals, you’ll be able to do it. Just start!

And now, onto what this past week has been like. Well, it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. 

I dove into the week with full on study sessions, workouts, practising Italian, giving my A at work, forgetting I have social media accounts, meditating 10 mins a day and just being a productivity machine! That has been the goal since the start, right? So what happened when I actually did achieve it?

I had a burnout. Is it even possible to have a burnout this soon?

If I do the math, I have been pushing myself to do better and more than the previous day, non-stop, for the last 30 days! And when I realised I could push no more, it was a disappointment. I started thinking I’m such an underachiever, I haven’t achieved anything and consequentially pushed more and more, until one night, I didn’t sleep. At all. Didn’t even bat an eyelid. I stayed awake the whole night!

It wasn’t even like I was trying to stay awake. But my brain, it just didn’t want to turn off. I kept trying so bloody hard to fall asleep but nada, I just didn’t. Thinking about it the next day, I realised my brain was stressed (meaning I was stressed of course, but I like to put it that way so I can understand that my brain has its own needs, haha) and it wasn’t just stressed, it was absolutely EXHAUSTED. It couldn’t rest, as soon as I took some time to just sit idle, it would be like nope, you gotta go through your law readings, or work on that accounting assignment, or practice Italian. I pushed myself to be productive to the point where my body doesn’t know to relax anymore. Sure, I enjoyed being so productive and ticking things off my to-do list and feel like I’m on top of the world, but was it worth it? 

Then came Friday, I pulled out my to-do list that morning, filled it up tightly, squeezing in tasks at every possible minute but half-way in the day, and it felt like my brain was done. Like a short circuit in an electric board. Like some wire was burned out and it needed to be replaced. I shut my laptop, went straight to sleep but guess what, I couldn’t sleep. My sleep pattern is now messed up terribly and I struggle with sleeping even 4 hours straight. I keep waking up every hour or so.

So, I took the weekend off, didn’t do one productive thing. I forced myself to be a proper couch potato in an attempt to rewire my system. I watched 2 movies, started reading a new book (The Picture of Dorian Gray), gave myself a little hair trim at home (obviously), ate instant ramen for dinner and subway for lunch, and just didn’t allow my brain to think, at all. Also watched the DYNAMITE mv by BTS on loop all day! As soon as I found myself thinking, I’d indulge in a mindless task, which was distracting enough. (Turns out none of them were distracting enough for my hard wired brain so I had to force myself to not think. Took a bit of effort but I was there in some time).

Monday morning, I allowed myself to sleep in till 9 AM! (Can’t believe I had to ‘allow’ myself when it was something so natural on day 1 of this challenge). Went to work, come back, video called some of my friends and then made a plan for going ahead with balance. I need to see how I spend my days and how I feel every 4 hours or so, so I have started tracking my time and moods on an app. I am also going to work on my sleeping patterns and will track that too. I have also cut down on my crazy one hour long workouts, and now I am going to only jump rope for 10 minutes everyday (am going to track that too, might as well track my inhales and exhales every second,hahahaha and will post any results/changes) and the most important change, I have 30 minutes every single day now to NOT do anything and I think that will help push the next burnout a month further away. We shall see!

Its so crazy how my post titles went from trying to be productive to a massive productive burnout. Just goes to show anything is possible if you put in enough effort.

Wish you all the best week ahead! Byeeee <3

Also, found this image with some pretty helpful tips on Pinterest. Love it!

[writer-rochelle]

The Fridge (The Mandalorian x reader)

(a/n: So my friend Alyssa sent me this -------> https://vm.tiktok.com/nLbsfK/  tiktok which I highly recomned y’all look at as it is the inspo for this first part of what will eventually become a short fic. Please let me know what y’all think and don’t hesitate to leave a request <3) warnings- some cursing, wine (consider yourself 21+ in this, use your imagination), my weak attempts at jokes ;))))

Okay so what if this was the third time in the last hour you got up to stare aimlessly into the refrigerator.  It’s not like there was much else to do! You’d already finished folding and putting away your laundry, turned in a majority of your assignments, hell you’d even willingly joined in on the Zoom lecture your Psychology professor had hosted early that morning and taken notes.

You had been hoping that there would few cases of the virus in the town you were staying in for uni for as long as possible, but with the numbers in the towns around you growing you knew it would only be a matter of time before there would be a shelter in place order.

You had officially spent a week alone in your apartment, having left only twice; once to get money from your Aunt and Uncle 45 mins away, and then again a day later, getting up at the crack of dawn to stock up on non-perishables, wine, several movies from the $5 bin, and some crafting and baking materials. All in all, you had enough food and distractions to last for at least a month and a half before you needed to venture out again. However, the repeated routine of eating, homework, movie, chore, eating, homework, movie, chore was starting to drive you a bit crazy.

Opening your fridge, you signed. Your theory that the items within having a conscious and could talk and move (ala Toy Story, and Sausage Party) was a bust. ‘Unless they know I know’, you thought. You rolled your eyes, grabbing a water bottle and proceeding to stare at the containers of leftovers, produce, a half-empty can of Red Bull, and various other food items.“Hey guys, just checking in,” you said, shutting the door and cringing at how absolutely crazy you sounded. Yeah, you needed human interaction. Now.

You longed for the days of being able to jump into your car, drive to Target, and wander through each department and aisle for hours. Throwing various things you didn’t need into your basket, Fleetwood Mac, Beyonce, and various other artists crooning interchangeably through your earbuds. Granted that wasn’t true human interaction, but you were in public with other people! And occasionally, you worked up the nerve to go to the cashiers instead of staring at yourself in the self-checkout security camera. (okay maybe you just missed target)

You could call your parents on that stupid Portal thing they insisted on buying (“It’s easier than that damned Facetune crap you kids are always trying to get me to use!” your dad had argued) But you would rather not spend the next hour and a half listening to your mum beg you to come home, while your dad talked over her, insisting that not only would you traveling pose as a risk to yourself (more importantly them and your brother), but you also had a lease to keep and classes to finish. And it was almost 8 o’clock, an excuse you would use should your mum happen to ask why you hadn’t called.  Finally, you decided that watching TV and indulging in a few glasses of wine wouldn’t hurt. Once again, not like there was anything better to do. After all, you weren’t being charged by different streaming services each month for nothing.

Turning back to your fridge, you grabbed the bottle of wine you had been sipping on (pointedly ignoring your friends), a random cartoon decorated cup from your cabinet, and sat down in front of your TV. Sinking back into the indentions your bum had made not too long ago, you logged back onto Disney+ and continued watching the Mandalorian. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the first time you had watched the show but who really cared when there was no one around to bully you about it. Personally, you would much rather be quarantined with a silent wall of beskar, and a green baby but alas you would just have to stick to watching your show.

You giggled, watching as the Mandalorian attempted to seat himself atop the female blurg, Kuiil’s disappointed headshakes reminding you of your late grandfather. Growing slightly drowsy you leaned forward to place your cup onto your coffee table, before laying out across the couch snuggling under your lavender comforter you had dragged from your room earlier that morning. ‘I’ve seen this episode before, it wouldn’t hurt to close my eyes.’

wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

You woke with a start. The various sounds of the brass section in the theme song reaching your ears in the half-awake state you were in. You groaned sitting up and lowering the volume on the tv before getting up to trade your wine for a bottle of water. Tossing the cup into the sink, you glanced at the clock on your microwave, the numbers [11:30] flashed back at you. How long had you been asleep? You didn’t even bother to check what episode autoplay had gotten to for you. You sighed, ‘May as well shower and go to sleep’ You opened your fridge, going to place the bottle of wine back in it’s designated place when you stopped.

“What the hell?”, you did a double-take. Where had all of the stuff in your fridge gone? Where there once had been shelves and food was now empty save for the ones attached to the door and was that…

“No fucking way”,  you turned and placed the bottle in your hand on the island behind you before turning and lifting an egg-shaped container out of the fridge and onto the island as well. It looked exactly like the pram on the show that was still droning on in your living, the faint sound of blaster fire mixing with the sound of your pounding heart. How the hell did a prop from your favorite tv show get in your fridge? Slowly you reached forward and spread the two sides of the pram’s lid apart. Nestled within was none other than The Child. Your eyes widened as he cooed, making uppy arms, his big eyes blinking up at you.

“Hey, little guy how on earth did you get here?” you cradled him to your chest, glancing towards the wine bottle on the counter.  ‘Is this some sort of whack ass wine dream? Am I still asleep on the couch?’ you shifted the kid into one arm, reaching down with your right hand to pinch your thigh before grimacing. ‘Nope I’m definitely awake’ You had been so caught up in your thoughts that you hadn’t noticed the figuring looming behind you till you felt the child shift in your arms reaching for…..

The Mandalorian….the fucking Mandalorian was standing in your kitchen. More importantly, the Mandalorian was standing in your kitchen with his blaster pointed directly between your eyes.

“Hand over the kid,” he said, his modulated voice sending shivers down your spine.

Yeah, this was definitely not a dream.

(a/n: ahhhhh so that”s it...for now ;)))) i hope y’all enjoyed it and want to see more! xoxo rochelle)

[faboover]

Have I Gotten Better or Worse? The Numbers Say Worse

I have been making videos on RWBY for a good while now. I started with a crappy AMV (https://youtu.be/l4XP7OEKqR0) and then turned that into a Fan-Trailer (https://youtu.be/oA2GG86G8Ng). Ever since, I have been making Fan-Trailers for every Volume of RWBY. I already have a plan for what I'm going to do for Volume 7 once the Blu-ray releases later this year. (You can watch all the RWBY Fan-Trailers I made here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUBqONa_FjUu6otFJlBTmc4EAcYSa7DGE)

In a change of pace, I have been making video essays/critiques/reviews/analysis for RWBY for Volume 4 up to Volume 6 since mid-2017 (I am currently in the writing process for a video about Vol. 6's Design). I can say that the Volume 4 videos did well with the Animation video becoming the highest viewed video on my channel as of right now.

RWBY Vol. 4 - Story: https://youtu.be/GHQpfMdGAE0 (44 mins)

793 views, 23/2 likes/dislikes, 49 comments

RWBY Vol. 4 - Animation & Editing: https://youtu.be/Dxvu8QaV60g (17mins)

2,938 views, 107/3 likes/dislikes, 26 comments

RWBY Vol. 4 - The New Look: https://youtu.be/PVNObGIzCSI (9 mins)

605 views, 22/0 likes/dislikes, 16 comments

RWBY Vol. 4 - Miscellaneous: https://youtu.be/8do0dT86IWY (14 mins)

301 views, 10/0 likes/dislikes, 14 comments

RWBY Vol. 4 - Final Thoughts: https://youtu.be/78UeP6BkRxI (32 mins)

197 views, 4/0 likes/dislikes, 40 comments

There was clearly a diminishing return after the Animation video. The performance of those later videos is what I expected to get since these were the first set of videos discussing RWBY to come out of my channel. I can say that a fair amount of what I said back then are things I don't 100% agree with anymore. The Animation video did include a reference to a now controversial figure in the RWBY community that I have not referenced since and will not be referencing going forward.

The next two videos to come out in this style are the ones I wrote discussing the Character Shorts for RWBY Volumes 4 and 5. One video for the Ruby, Weiss, and Yang Shorts, and another for the Blake Short.

RWBY - The RWY Character Shorts: https://youtu.be/rXjujR6p8Rs (7 mins)

141 views, 1/0 likes/dislikes, 2 comments

RWBY - The Blake Character Short: https://youtu.be/x9TvfssSmxI (22 mins)

137 views, 8/1 likes/dislikes, 1 comment

Both performed as I expected. The Blake Character Short video is the most negative I have been about the series since I simply didn't like the Short. If you watch the video, only watch the first 10 minutes of it as the rest are pretty much worthless.

I wouldn't say that any of the videos mentioned so far in this series to be particularly great. That changes with the next set of videos I made for Volume 5.

RWBY Vol. 5 - Story: https://youtu.be/KTptl7o9hVw (23 mins)

191 views, 5/1 likes/dislikes, 11 comments

RWBY Vol. 5 - Animation & Editing: https://youtu.be/ndjxOBrBvQU (14 mins)

158 views, 5/1 likes/dislikes, 2 comments

RWBY Vol. 5 - Design: https://youtu.be/FdSTf2iHHXU (7 mins)

116 views, 1/1 likes/dislikes, 2 comments

RWBY Vol. 5 - Final Thoughts: https://youtu.be/09Rp88xEovo (27 mins)

81 views, 4/1 likes/dislikes, 4 comments

These videos, I would say, are the best set of video essays I have made for RWBY so far. I like what I did with them and I feel as though I was clear about my views as best as I could. One person did comment in the Design video wondering how I don't have more views. I'm just too small at this point.

I do wonder if the reason I don't get more views deals with the titles, thumbnails, or tags I use. I do promote these videos on my social media (Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Discord). This set in particular is when I started posting my stuff to this Subreddit, and they got 10 or less upvotes.

This brings me to the current set of videos I am still making for RWBY Volume 6. These videos have come out really late, as I usually have them all out between August and December. The Story video came out in December of last year (2019), and the Animation video came out in July of this year (2020).

Why did they come out so late? Well, I hit a writing block. I knew what I wanted to talk about, but I couldn't think of what I wanted to say or even how to put them into words. It was almost as if I forgot how to write. That and me getting a full-time job after graduating that just sapped my motivation to do anything when I would get home. So, the late and inconsistent releases can explain why they might not be performing well.

RWBY Vol. 6 - Story: https://youtu.be/M33mCTQul14 (30 mins)

165 views, 3/1 likes/dislikes, 5 comments

RWBY Vol. 6: Animation & Editing: https://youtu.be/M7atmigZPIY (30 mins)

92 views, 2/0 likes/dislikes, 7 comments

The Story video did alright, but the Animation video has definitely under-performed. I have gotten a fair amount of people telling me directly that the Animation video is very good with the 10 minute analysis of the Yang vs Adam fight being their favorite part.

I did post these videos on this Subreddit. The Story video got about as many upvotes as the previous ones did; however, the Animation video doubled that and currently stands at 15 upvotes (https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/hjfjap/thoughts_rwby_volume_6_animation_and_editing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). I did see it peak at 18 upvotes at one point. But, no one gave any responses to the things I brought up or the questions I posed at the end of the video, which I do for every video.

I felt I had brought up some very interesting topics and ideas, but I didn't get the response I was hoping for. The comments on YouTube are from 2 people who do address the things I bring up, but they are from people I expected to get comments from. I was hoping more people would engage with it.

I can say that I'm not the best writer when it comes to the Introduction portion of these videos. I'm pretty damn sure I started each Animation video out the same way, "RWBY's animation has always been a mixed bag." You would think I would come up with something different by this point, but it seems I'm not creative enough.

My channel has grown while I have been making these videos. I currently sit at 86 subscribers. Mom would be proud. This would be more than double what I had before I started making these video essays on RWBY. Even though, the Fan-Trailers would do well, they wouldn't get me subscribers. My Let's Play style content wasn't bringing people in either, but I digress.

I can't help but feel disappointed that the video essays I make on RWBY have performed less and less compared to how I started; even though, I feel as though I am getting better with each video. Do I need a better thumbnail? Do I need to utilize better tags? Do I need to spread the videos to more areas? I don't know what I need to do in order for them to perform better or, at least, as well as they used to.

I have currently finished doing a crap ton of research for the Design video I will be making for Volume 6. This will be done in a completely different way from all my previous videos. So, I hope you will find it enjoyable and informative when it finally comes out.

I'm sorry this was so long. I just wanted to express my feelings about the content I have been producing and to try and get some answers on how I can reach a bigger audience. This is not for money or clout, as none of the videos I make will be monetized. I just want to build a bigger discussion about RWBY.

All my Thought videos on RWBY can be found in this Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUBqONa_FjUt5Os2ybv8cL7kuMMfTK1-W

[pl-dubois]

Never Go To Bed Angry - Travis Konecny

A/N: hiiii guys this isn’t the first fic i’ve written but it is the first i’ve posted (and longest i’ve written lol) so pls be kind! feedback is always welcome though and please let me know if you want to see more! also i wanna make a quick joke and say i know i was going to post this last night after that big oof, but i didn’t mean to make this based on an actual game lmao. okokok, i hope you enjoy it!! Word Count: 1515

The slamming of the front door shook you out of your trance as you looked up from your computer to see Travis throwing his stuff down.  You hadn’t been able to watch the game tonight, on TV or otherwise,  due to having to write a paper, but when you checked the final score, you had a vague idea of how upset TK would be.  You could feel the frustration and anger coming off of him in waves.

“Babe?” you questioned, setting the laptop aside and rising to go meet him. “Is everything okay?”

Instead of going to you for a hug and words of reassurance like he usually did, he didn’t even look up at you when he spoke.  “I really could’ve used you at that game tonight, Y/N,” he responded, his tone sharper that usual.

Taken aback, you were left momentarily speechless. “Travis, I-“  You didn’t really have anything to say, you were more just surprised at the harshness to his voice.  Your shock only increased however when he moved to shoulder past you without so much as another word, aggressively working on his tie as he made his way through your apartment to the shared bedroom.  Your mood quickly changed from worried to irritated.

“TK, what the fuck?” you followed him into the room where he was busy putting his tie and suit jacket away.

“I’m just saying, it would’ve been nice for you to be there,” he replied, not bothering to turn to address you, which didn’t do anything expect piss you off more.

“I had class, you know that,” you crossed your arms, definitely not standing down any time soon.  “I’m sorry I can’t skip it all the time in order to go to your games.”

“Well you could every once and awhile...” He mumbled his response under his breath, seven words meant only to be heard by him, but he wasn’t that lucky.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?!  You aren’t seriously asking me to skip a class that I’m playing $500 to take just so I can make it to one of your stupid games.”  You so didn’t want to fight tonight, but it was pretty much inevitable at this point.

“We both knew it was going to be a rough game, Y/N!  And it’s just a class, how hard can it be?!”

Scoffing at his unbelievable response, you shook your head and held up your hands in a way that said “I’m done” before making your way out of the room and heading for the kitchen.  You turned your focus on making yourself a hot cup of calming to tea distract your head from spinning with anger and more arguing.  Unfortunately for your plans, he wasn’t finished and instead followed you out.

“Y/N, are you seriously-” TK started, only to get cut off by you whirling around on him and prodding him in the chest with one accusatory finger.

“You couldn’t even imagine how difficult this class is,” you said, voice dripping with venom.  With a step back from your boyfriend and a cold, humorless laugh you added, “After all, how could you?  You didn’t go to college, you went hockey.”

“Hey, I went pro.  There’s a difference between that and playing just to play.”

You can only guess how done your face looked as you rolled your eyes at his words.  Honestly, it was days like this that you wondered how you even tolerated him sometimes.  You opened your mouth to respond, but closed it just as fast when you realized TK had more to say.

“And my hockey career is just as important, if not more, than your college classes.”  As soon as the words, laced with the worst kind of poison, fell from his lips, regret colored his features.  “Wait, shit no, Y/N-“

Your heart twisted in your chest, appalled that he could even think those things, let alone say them.  He had told you so many times how proud he was of you for doing so well in school and no matter what happened, your education would always be as important as his hockey career.  Holding up a hand to stop him, the angry tone you had used before dropped out of your voice and was instead replaced with sadness. “I wish you would just learn to shut up for five minutes.”

“Baby…” Travis said softly, his eyes apologetic.  He tried to reach for you, but you just took a step backward.  Any other day, you would’ve been in his arms in heartbeat, but you just couldn’t forgive him that easily today.  Not after his hurtful words.

“I’m going to bed.  Don’t follow me.”  The anger and frustration returning, you pushed past him without letting him respond.

You heard his voice, full of bitterness yet again, echo from the kitchen, “You know, they say a couple should never go to bed angry!”

All the hostility you had been feeling suddenly bubbled to the surface in a single, physical act; you slammed the door to your room as hard as you could, letting Travis know how you really felt without words.  All you wanted to do was just curl up in your bed and cry, but you told yourself you needed to do your nightly routine or else you’d feel worse.  For the next 30 mins, you distracted yourself from anxious thoughts about what your next conversation with TK would be like with a hot shower, your nightly skincare routine, and some soft pajamas.  Flipping off the light and crawling into bed facing away from the door, sadness engulfed you.  Why would he even say those things?  You felt tears well up in your eyes, but before you could let them fall, you heard the sound of your bedroom door opening and closing.  The bed dipped under the familiar weight of your boyfriend as you hastily wiped your eyes.  Silence settled around you two; the was feeling so intense, it was almost suffocating.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry.” Travis spoke first, his voice taking on a completely different tone than the one he had had earlier; it was quiet and gentle, the sound you were used to when he whispered sweet nothings in your ear after a long week or told you that he loved you in the middle of the night.  “I shouldn’t’ve said that your path was less important than mine- I don’t know why I even said it…”  He paused to sigh, as if he was disappointed in himself.  “I was just frustrated and hurt, I didn’t mean any of it.  I shouldn’t take my anger out on you.”

“No, Trav, you shouldn’t…” It was the first you’d spoken to him since you went to bed.  You could feel some of the tension dissipate, you two were talking.  It was as if you had both let out a breath you had been holding.  You finally rolled over to face him as you added, “It’s not fair to treat me like that.”

“I know it’s not,” he shook his head, “and I understand why you’re so mad at me.  I was being a huge dick to you, you don’t deserve that.”

You nodded, sighing softly.  “I’m sorry too.”

“For what?”

“Calling your games stupid,” you finally looked up to meet his eyes.  “And implying that you’re kinda dumb.”

“Oh my God, sweetheart,” he laughed softly, shaking his head.  “You don’t need to apologize for that.  Sometimes my games are a little stupid.  And honestly?  I can be kinda dumb.”

A small giggle slipped from your lips and the sound made Travis visibly relax.  As you smiled up at him for the first time that night, TK tried his luck and pulled you in tight to his chest, holding you close.  The action made all the tension from earlier leave your body.  You buried your face into his chest and inhaled his familiar scent; he was safe, he was home.

“Are we okay?” he asked, letting you go enough so you could look up at him.

You nodded.  “Yeah.  We’re okay, babe.” Reaching up to touch his face gently, you let your thumb brush lovingly over his cheekbone.  He closed the short distance between you in a soft kiss, one that you could’ve sworn said “I’m sorry, I love you.”

“Do you wanna talk about your game?” you asked tiredly when you broke apart, the emotions of the evening finally taking their toll on your body.

Travis let out a short chuckle as he shook his head.  “We’ve had enough drama for one night.  We’ll talk about it in the morning, baby.”

You yawned with a nod before making yourself comfortable by snuggling into his chest.  TK’s arms were still wrapped securely around you, almost as if he was afraid to lose you.  Closing your eyes, you felt safe and warm.  There was no way you were going to go anywhere; he was home for you, fights and all.

“I love you so much, Y/N…” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

“I love you too, baby.”