#director's commentary meme

[burins]

Hi! I need the director's cut for "get out before the drop" please!

oh MAN. thank you for asking about get out before the drop! the jaydick topdrop fic is one of my favorite things I've written. i've been a little reluctant to talk about my jaydick fics because part of me was worried i was going to get death threats in my inbox and i got enough of that at work. but fuck it! i'm very proud of those fics- I think they're some of my best characterization work.

i wrote the bulk of get out before the drop on my phone at 2 AM after waking up in the middle of the night (like all the best fics: while slightly possessed.) like everything i write it's about bodies, but it's also about identity and boundaries and how your own understanding of those can smash up against someone else's. i say that not because i generally set out to write fics that are capital A About Things, this isn't an episode of degrassi, but it's kind of obvious what themes I had rattling around in the trunk.

continuing the rest of this below the cut (including discussion of consent and sexual assault)

obviously it's also a fic about consent. I said this in a few comments but I think fandom often sticks to one kind of story about consent-- which i absolutely understand. your standard rape recovery fic is a very cathartic story for many, many people! but in real life your partner is not a perfect fuck machine who dispenses sex in exactly the way you want it, in part because they are a human being and not a mind-reader. but also in part because for anyone, but particularly for survivors, it is often difficult to tell the difference between "this is uncomfortable but in a good and healing way" and "oh god i gotta eject." and that's no one's fault! learning to listen to your body again after ignoring its signals for a long time is hard, and it sucks, and sometimes you learn where your boundaries are by whacking right up against them.

that's all general; in particular i wanted to write that kind of story for dick and jason, who are two people who have lost control of their bodies innumerable times and in incredibly dramatic ways. i think that has got to fuck with your head unbelievably! i think dick in particular is extremely used to pushing through physical discomfort to get what he wants to achieve, whether that's a mission objective or a training goal or emotional closeness. he's been doing it since he was a kid on the aerial bars! he started out ignoring his body way before the multiple on-page sexual assaults that DC doesn't want to acknowledge as sexual assaults. and also all of the mind control, of which there is so much that i wrote a whole other fic about it.

jason, on the other hand, I think is someone who tells himself one story: he has very carefully forged his body into exactly what he wants it to be, which is a weapon. and he is determinedly not thinking about the ways in which he has had absolutely no control over his body (his death, his resurrection, the pit-related changes.) the story Jason tells himself is actually quite similar to the one Dick is clinging to, which is another reason I love to write about them.

a side note: I'm of the school that doesn't ascribe to long term pit madness. I think Jason comes out of the pit a little crazy in ways that have everything to do with profound trauma and very little to do with supernatural whammies. he makes his own choices immediately after coming back and they are bad ones. I think taking that agency from him makes the story much less satisfying and much less tragic. and there's plenty of other ways he loses agency! he died!

all of this was rattling around my head while I was writing. but then I had to actually end the fic. which I struggled with! I was worried the ending - where Dick says alright, let's go again, redo - would come off too pat. but I also didn't want to fall into the trap of making dick a weeping damsel. (fandom's general desire to make dick grayson experience misogyny could be an essay in its own right.) and ultimately I'm happy with where I ended it! it is almost certainly a bad idea for them to jump right back into sex after both of them had panic attacks. and what is jaydick but not a bunch of bad ideas that somehow end up working out.

this post is so long. I didn't even get into the identity stuff, but I feel like that is much more on the surface of the fic and I kind of said what I wanted to say in the fic itself. thank you for asking!

director's commentary meme!

[meyerlansky]

Can you do director’s commentary for all of dctctc?

I SURE FUCKIN CAN!!!

okay since i have no idea how to format longer director's commentary style stuff in a tumblr post, i went with leaving comments on a gdoc, which should be accessible anonymously! please please PLEASE let me know if this doesn't work and i will figure something else out, because this was SO much fun. feel free to leave replies and reactions on the commentary as well—i would LOVE to hear what people think about the behind the scenes stuff.

there are a LOT of comments and they don't all fit on the page at the same time, so to read a full comment, on desktop put your cursor over the chunk of highlighted text and it'll expand the comment on the sidebar. example/preview:

on mobile, in browser it looks like it's footnote style, and in the gdoc app tapping on the highlighted text brings up the comment pane and you can go between comments from that.

director's commentary meme!

[snailwitdamail2]

[kybelles]

⭐star⭐

hello loml thank you so much for sending this 🫶🏼 i thought about it a little and i think i’ll go with this section:

i remember being so excited to write this bit because we were so close to actual catharsis! laurent was simply furious in this part (and humiliated and crashed and 0.5 seconds away from bursting into tears) and yet he was still willing to pretend like everything was okay just so he wouldn’t lose damen. 💔 i think it was very interesting to write about laurent’s (unnecessary) endurance on being subjected to emotional horrors in the name of love. i just loved portraying how much control he had over himself even when he had every right to comfort damen with a screaming match.

[liobi]

about that director's commentary thing

i'm curious if there's anything on that scene in the beginning of always where lappland has a weirdly charged discussion with kal'tsit in her room

Oooo, The beginning of always!

Background on this fic, I cannibalized two other WIPs that got incredibly jossed by the release of Il Siracusano (One of them a TexLappSora fic where Lappland took Popukar to a concert of her favorite idol, only to discover that under the lupo disguise, Sora was the little bunny girl whose journalist father Lappland had offed under her and Texas's boss's orders. She had let the little girl who witnessed the deed go, but their boss found out and ordered Texas to liquidate Lappland leading to her expulsion and infection). But anyways, on to the setup!

Both Lappland and Kal'tsit care deeply for the vulnerable. We see as much any time they are the focus of various events, but they go about it in different ways. Kal'tsit is methodical, scheming, and uses her long life and connections to accomplish her needs. She's got plans upon plans, irons in the fire galore, a Machiavellian master sitting atop a mountain of fallen foes and destroyed obstacles.

Lappland on the other hand is a bundle of unrestrained id, packaged and fired like a bullet on a path set by either herself or others, a genius at improvising and legitimately charismatic, if only used to get under people's skin. Lappland is the MacGyver of mob heroes. Lappland is also very consciously trying to be the opposite of her father. It's why i think under the right circumstances she'd be good with kids actually!

While she may believe that once she returns to Siracusa she will be helpless but to eventually become what she fears, in the meanwhile she is fighting tooth and nail to be kind and friendly and open to anyone that will have her (despite everyone thinking she's got sixteen layers of malicious plans and mindgames going on), but also she kinda sucks! She DOES sometimes have sixteen layers of malicious plans and mindgames going on! She CAN be mean and kinda nasty in fact she intentionally digs into people's sore spots constantly! She contains multitudes.

So with the fact that Kal'tsit and Lappland have opposite styles of operating, it's only natural that Lappland sees at least on a superficial level some similarities between Kal'tsit and her father.

Kal'tsit is also super hot and manipulative and leaves nothing to chance so!

PREAMBLE OVER, ON TO THE SCENE ITSELF

~

Lappland had no idea how much of this was actually Dr. Kal’tsit and how much was a carefully constructed facade to convince other people she was just like them.

Kal’tsit motioned across the room. “Sit where you like.”

Some small part of Lappland wondered where exactly the night would go if she chose to sit on the bed.

~

Right from the get-go Kal'tsit has the intention of measuring Lappland's... everything. Looking for any foothold that will give her power over the negotiation, some way to maneuver Lappland into giving her exactly what she wants; a teacher for Popukar who can handle the little berserker and an operator with a talent for improvising and resourcefulness that would absolutely be willing to cross names off a list if Kal'tsit needed her to.

The conversation is a game of chess, of battleship, right from the start and they both know it. Lappland thinks back to the mafia sit-downs her father brought her to for a reason! This is one, in its own way.

On top of all this, we know from Il Siracusano that Lappland despite everything still wants her father's approval and affection. So when she's confronted with a woman who on a surface level reminds her of her father who is not so subtly asking if she wants to get into bed, she's gonna have a boner that's hard (lol) for her to examine all at once (lolol).

The rest of the scene really consists of them testing the water, trying to gauge where the other person is at and what they're getting out of it. Lappland is set up to both care about kids and also Amiya, and Kal'tsit cares about both of her daughters and keeping Rhodes Island alive and running and sometimes you need assassins and terrorists to do that. So they find somewhere in the middle to meet and Lappland doesn't rip her stitches because of ill-advised sex.

[indignantlemur]

The Directory!

Emigre: link

Pairing(s): Original Andorian Character/Original Human Character (Dagmar/Shral), Andorian/Andorian, Andorian/Human/Andorian/Andorian

Rating: Explicit (as of chapter 44)

Status: In-Progress, available via AO3

A tear in the fabric of space and time has consequences that echo across ages; an unexpected arrival from the twenty-first century challenges a nation's perceptions and sets a most unlikely precedent. An exploration of Andorian culture from a Human's POV.

The Stars Keep Watch: link

Pairing(s): Va'Al Trask/Original Human Character (Va'Al/Mira)

Rating: Explicit

Status: In-Progress, available via AO3

Mira Vos signed up for Starfleet only to find herself posted to hell. Undersupplied and overstressed, the fighting on J'Gal threatens to wear her down. The arrival of a special forces unit led by a handsome Andorian promises a break in the routine... A classic wartime romance - but In Space.

Deck the Halls (and Not the Vulcans): link

Pairings: Dagmar/Shral (background)

Rating: Teen

Status: Complete, available on AO3

It's winter time in San Francisco, and the Andorian embassy has just been challenged to participate in a friendly competition between the Federation's founding species' embassies. The objective? To see who can best decorate a Terran Christmas tree. The prize? Nothing less than deeply coveted bragging rights for the coming year.

Dagmar Gunnarssen has never been so ready for anything in her entire life.

Hoarfrost: 🚧🛠️

Pairing(s): Dagmar Gunnarssen & Ambassador Thoris th'Kor, Background relationships from Emigre

Rating: Teen

Status: In-Progress, not yet available via AO3. (Pssst! Sneak peak available: link)

An unusually powerful ion storm forces Ambassador Thoris and his retinue to abandon ship over a largely uninhabited planet. Some of the last to make it to the escape pods, Thoris and Dagmar wind up separated from the others. Together, they must navigate a frozen, eerily barren landscape - and survive.

HERE

Andorian Headcanons:

Andorians and Food

Andorians and the Sea

Andorian Governing Bodies & The Role of Nepotism

Andorian Marriage Dynamics & Divorce

Andorian Proposals

Andorian Religion & Spirituality (And horror stories)

The Andorian Imperial Clan

Andorian Hair

Andorian Holidays

Andorian Courtship Ring Metallurgy

Andorian Medical Professionals

Andorian Awards and Commendations

Andorians and Figure Skating

Andorians and Dancing

Andorians and Currency

The Andorian Facepalm?

Andorian-Vulcan relations pre-ST:ENT

Andorian Language and Conlang

Andorian Weddings and Funerals

Andorian Attitudes on Interspecies Relationships

Andorian-Human Hybridization

The Am Tal and The Andorian Incident

Andorian Clan Identification and Chitin Patterns

Andorian Names

Andorians and Adoption

Clanless Andorians

Andorians and Rites of Passage into Adulthood

The Code of the Ushaan and the Holmgang

Andorian Fairy Tales

Kelenthor the Clanless and Watercolours

Human-Andorian First Contact headcanons

Andorian Fashion and Fabrics

Are Andorians Extroverts or Introverts?

Andorian Family Dynamics

Andorian Cosmetics and Perfumes

Andorian Arts: Theatre/Opera/Poetry/Etc

Andorian Quad Marriages vs Bonds

Temperatures on Andoria

Andorian Humour and Philosophy

The Spirits of Andoria

Andorian Blood Chemistry RE: Toxins and Cyanide

Andorian Homes and Decor

Star Trek Species in the Star Wars Universe

Andorian Mate Selection (Pheromones, Personality Traits, & More)

Andorians on Punks and Goths

Andorians on Diss Tracks

Andorians and Crime & Punishment

Andorian Etiquette vs Human Etiquette

Kelenthor the Clanless - More lore!

Andorian Lore & Character Lore tidbits

Character Lore Tidbits: Thoris

Character Lore Tidbits: Shral

Character Lore Tidbits: Thelen

Andorians and UV Exposure: Do Andorians Tan?

Andorians and Cave Diving

Character Lore: Shral's Family & Childhood

Andorian Conservation Efforts & Environmentalism

Andorian Education and Childcare

Andorians of Human Family Units & Thoris' POV in Ch 5

Andorian Quads and Larger Arrangements

Character Lore Tidbits: Thoris' Childhood

Emigre General Discussions:

Healing and Grief in Emigre

The Bulreeng Taal Beatdown

Author's Commentary: Chapter 41 - Grace and Poise

Author's Commentary: Chapter 37 - Connection

What Do The Andorians (and Dagmar) of Emigre Smell Like?

Author's Commentary: Chapter 43: The Star Thief

What Language Is Dagmar Speaking?

Author's Commentary: Chapter 46 - Face the Facts

General Writing Asks:

Advice For New Writers

HERE

HERE

OFFICIAL TAG LIST

(You can always request to be added to the list!)

[butchlifeguard]

who up traveling they octopath

[ID: 2 images. the first is a whisper post of a cowboy sitting sadly with his elbows resting on his knees and his head in one of his hands. the caption is "is it really possible for a emo girl and a country boy to be in a relationship?" the second is a traditionally sketched redraw of alfyn from octopath traveler in the same pose. the text has been cut out from the original photo and overlaid. end ID.]

[antiadvil]

i was reading your hoodie bow fic and this ask is just to let you know that i am so in love with that fic its actually insane. like if i could inject that into my veins i would. get that tattooed on my forehead. oh my GOD the silly banter... the way i could hear the whole fic in their voices in my head bc every word sounds exactly like what they would say... the initiating sex via kicks... and the END OH MY GOD LOU ITS INSANE IT HURTS ME like wtf why did you do that😭😭😭😭 do you WANT me to explode😭😭😭 "you have to get married to get divorced" "that's the fucking plan" literally shut up i hate gay people so much its unreal. im voting for trump in the next election bc i think he can put a stop to this bs with his zombie wife and maxxed out credit cards... sorry to send to a crazy rant ask btw but i think i already commented on ao3 and i didn't want to look TOO insane... anyway I'm actually fr in love with you thanks for being the best person ever and writing rpf with your glorious talent🙏🙏🙏🙏 bowing down to you fr💖💖💖💖💖 love from esmé

<333333333 look i'm insane about this fic too. i don't always get why some of my fics blow up and some don't but this one? i get it. within like a week it was my most kudosed story on ao3 and i get it. some of my fics i post and go "thank god i never want to look at that again" but the hoodie bow incident?? i reread that shit like 5 times after posting. more probably. basically i kept rereading it until i posted oh baby, seasons change, and then i started alternating rereading them lmao (i haven't decided which one i like more, i flip back and forth, i know the people have spoken and the hoodie bow incident has way more kudos but i think that's just because the "disgusting amounts of fluff" is not properly sycned with the "fluff" tag so it's harder to search for. I think I like the 2010 section of seasons change more but in the 2024 section they're not standing close enough to like mess with each other's hair and stuff and in the hoodie bow incident they're touching (omg) for most of the fic. but i like both fics a lot i think they're very vivid and just like punch you in the face with the sweetness. like "you've got to get married for that first." OOF. i know i wrote it but... it's the kind of thing that doesn't feel like i wrote it, it feels like it just appeared in my head. like it was the natural progression of the dialogue and i needed to put it on the page as fast as i could physically type before it somehow disappeared).

my favorite part of phil being like hey let's fuck and kicking dan's leg is actually when dan is like oh yeah sure. oh wait you mean NOW? it's so funny to me. like. babe can i finish reading this twitter thread first it's really funny :/

[woodswolf]

⭐ for dogs leading dogs!

Director's Commentary Ask Meme

Okay we're actually going to do something a little different for this one — not commentary on a specific scene, but on a very specific recurring detail that either nobody has noticed or that nobody has commented on yet. Let's talk about numbers :)

There are very very few numbers in the text that are random. If a number is specified, it usually means something, except in some cases where specific numbers are important are important for conveying What's Happening in an understandable way (such as group sizes for Pikmin, especially in chapter 4). But even among those instances, most of them are not random. And if you go back through and look at the numbers, you can start to see patterns.

In particular, I would like to point out two particular numbers: thirty, and combinations of five and four.

Let's start with the combination first, because it's easier to explain for how difficult it is to describe. The five-four combination (perhaps easiest expressed as 5 = 4 + 1) is specifically associated with the wraiths. This is actually pretty solidly established in the games themselves - the Submerged Castle has 5 floors of which 4 of them are sprawling hazardous labyrinths and 1 is the Waterwraith's boss arena.

The Plasm Wraith is also heavily associated with the number 5 for a lot of reasons. The Formidable Oak is the fifth of five areas in Pikmin 3, and is made of five rooms, two of which can alternately count as the wraith's boss arena depending on whether you consider the player's perspective or Olimar's. (Either the top of the Oak is the boss arena for Olimar, or the bottom for the player.) Additionally, the Plasm Wraith's boss music is basically Five: The Musical, with the most obvious and applicable bit being this section, where the Plasm Wraith's 4-bar motif starts minimally but grows over 5 repetitions until it takes over the entire body of the song. There's a lot more five-and-four that you can pull out of this theme but it's a bit more of a reach.

Arguably in the context of the games, this five-and-four pattern is more strongly associated with major bosses. In addition to the aforementioned points about the wraiths, the Titan Dweevil has five phases for removing each of its four offensive treasures until it's left with none; and the Ancient Sirehound also has five phases, of which four are elemental (ice/electricity/fire/gloom). I may or may not exploit this fuller context of the five-four's scope - no matter what, it isn't going to be relevant again until several sequels from now (namely until I start writing DLD's direct sequel rather than catch/cradle, which is more of a highly relevant side story) so I have a lot of time to think it over.

As for how this combination has been used in-text so far, there is one major instance:

“...The initial shaft descends for 625 millimeters before leveling out,” it eventually begins. “From there, it begins to rise until it emerges into the bottom of an underground lake. After that, the path should be dry, and will eventually lead to another chasm that drops into the cave system itself. It’s rather like…” It trails off for some reason. “It’s rather like a sink trap.”

625 can also be written as 5×5×5×5, or 5⁴. :) Shoutouts to Five Five Five Five Five and the rest of the SCP Antimemetics Division tales, though there is no relation other than incessant fives. (All of those stories are just a very cool read especially if you haven't read them before.)

Thirty, on the other hand, is a very different beast. Where the five-four combination is actively malicious, thirty is something closer to inevitability. This is very often a bad thing (the thirty day time limit, combined with several instances so far where either thirty Pikmin die/are predicted to die/are the only survivors of mass death), but it isn't always. Thirty may be inevitable, but it also is complete - thirty survivors that will no longer suffer, thirty sacrifices to prevent more deaths, thirty seconds or minutes of waiting before something miserable is over, 330 hours of travel time between Hocotate and PNF-404, thirty pills to heal, thirty ship parts in thirty days for a (thirty) perfect ending.

Thirty is powerful. It can be all of a weapon and a tool and a source of comfort. It is assurance. It is a time bomb. It is both the gentle hand of death and the rallying cry of life. It means many things, but if it means anything, it means hope - hope either that things will end, or that they will begin again.

There was only ever one way that dogs leading dogs was going to end. It's been in plain sight since the first chapter. It always comes back to thirty.

If you want to break things down exceedingly far, you can combine both of these important number combinations and notice that both of them involve five - thirty can be prime factorized as 2×3×5. So if I had to break things down very specifically:

2: Pairs, particularly where the parties involved in the pair are somehow foils or can be heavily compared or contrasted in another way.

3: Repetition. (There's actually an even more specific concept that I could use for what three means, but if it isn't already evident between all of my emphasis on the "riddle" and now all of the rest of this, using that word would be spoilers as of this moment in time.) Can also be read as luck and/or virtue and/or lessons learned through repetition.

4: Death, as the common trope goes :)

5: Endings, as something both inevitable and complete.

So we can essentially read the five-four pair as ending in death, and thirty as pairs repeating for an ending, which is basically the theme of the entire story.

Thanks for the ask! :D

[croszukis]

director’s cut for the boat fic - talk to me about the sushi on the beach scene if you don’t mind!

the main inspiration of the beach scene came straight from actual events one below deck episode! with a boat getting stuck and the crew having to push it off the sand together

I combined that with another scene from a separate season where the chef (who's actually a big candaian brunette...?) had to step in to help with the lines during docking because they were down a deck hand and thought "oh how fun would it be if sid had to step in to help with something like that?"

it's all a vehicle to develop their closeness / sid & geno's relationship through the job and a fun way for them to work together since their actual positions on the boat keep them apart? i'd like to think soaking wet sid shoving a boat and showing off his arm muscles is like swoon worthy for geno too :)))

and actually you could argue the bigger emotional Moment of that scene is sid giving the sushi to geno (one of his many gifts in this work actually? lol) but that was put in to this specific scene because my outline had one line of geno complimenting sid's food & then obviously the fanon tribute to geno eating sushi

[meyerlansky]

⭐️!!!!!!

this one's top of mind purely because it makes me laugh every time i think about it, and no one's commented on it so i'm gonna point it out. from moon's low:

“What crawled up your ass when I wasn’t looking?” Bucky hisses at him.

it's funny because bucky's always looking at curt's ass. 'cause they're fuckin'.

director's commentary meme!

[notasapleasure]

fanfic director's cut: only ever just one night!

ohhhh hohoho careful what you ask for my friend. But thank you <3

Only ever just one night - director's commentary meme

And while I'm here, a HUGE shout out of thanks to @weirdsociology-writes for reccing this fic!

BACKGROUND The first SW fic I've written in….five years! I've been noodling around very small fandoms since then. I mean like…under 20 fics total on ao3 for the main one (a Georgian film about gay dancers). And a 1980s band AU of a 1960s book series about a sixteenth-century Scottish mercenary where we call ourselves 'tiny fandom' for a reason. So it's both extraordinarily lovely to have so much engagement with this fic and also kind of alarming. To enumerate my alarm: (1) What if I haven't researched the world coffectly (see: misspelling 'caf' as 'kaf')? (2) What if my first fic for this fandom is my best and I have no other ideas to explore coherently? (3) What if I want to write more and it Grows Plot and I end up with just another perpetual WIP trailing its innards all over my ao3 dash? (4) What if I fluked out and wrote something people vibe with while in a trance, but my justification for my actions has bad vibes? However, I try not to cultivate shame, so Andor fandom, specifically Brassian fans: know that you are lovely and it's making Not Looking Down easier.

CONCEPT The fic ambushed me in a back-alley when I was still trying to work through what I did and didn't like about the show (having been immersed in Jyn/Cassian fic and Rogue One backstory when I last did SW fandom). But I knew that what I very much did like was that hug in Rix Road. I am an absolute sucker for second-fiddle characters who are just quietly waiting for an opportunity to fuck shit up on behalf of the skrunkly little creatures we call main characters. Thankless and loyal, competent and smart - not a himbo, but someone who's watching their friend get into trouble and rolling their sleeves up to wade in and help without being asked. The ones you trust to help you hide a body. Also for characters who seem…I don't know, too good to be true on the surface, but have deep reservoirs of potential for darker emotions. I could also have just said I like broad-shouldered black-haired guys who give the best hugs (Brasso. Irakli. Jerott.)

Anyway, I find the best way to explore the relationship between two characters I like is just to make them fuck. I'm being a bit flippant, but only a bit. Communication - spoken and unspoken - is key whether it's good or bad, and you can do a lot with a character's idea of themselves as well as their idea of the other person. It's a performance, it can be about getting a response, and there can be a lot of motives at work. So I wrote this fic to work out how I saw Cassian and Brasso's friendship through a long-term lens - the trust, but also the distance Cassian keeps. Brasso's concern for him, which is overlayed by his frustration at Cassian not telling him everything. Brasso going into these interactions with eyes wide open and still finding it worthwhile, because although Cassian never gives anyone everything he gives something of himself to Brasso that no one else gets. Cassian actually relying deeply on Brasso as a constant in the turbulent life he's made for himself and feeling something almost like guilt for letting himself rely on someone that much. But needing that little hit of stability too much not to keep coming back.

FIC

It's in the present continuous because I was possessed by brain worms and they insisted. I literally haven't written anything in that tense for years so…?

Well, I had to try to replicate that hug. Turning favoured scenes over and over with new words is a fun exercise. And while I am very eyes emoji at the idea of Luthen/Cassian I'm also into the idea of Cass having One Place he knows he can always go back to for safety and comfort without any sort of judgement, and that place being wherever Brasso is. Hence also the idea that, although Cassian claims it's for Brasso's safety that he won't say where he's been or who he's working for, there's also an element of Cassian preserving his bolt hole. If he keeps this relationship separate from the Rebellion then whenever the work he does becomes too much, he can always go somewhere that feels like away from the Rebellion. Which isn't exactly fair if Brasso might choose to be involved in the fight himself, were he given all the information. And is something I want to poke at properly if I can sort out the right kind of Macguffin for the plot I have in mind following up from this fic. It would encompass, in theory, Cassian moving from a state where his work for Luthen feels still like a kind of ownership/debt repayment/self-flagellation towards the kind of responsibility and service he treats it as by the time of Rogue One, where I don't think he has any kind of release valve or bolt hole or temporary place to escape/experience respite from The Cause.

All this is bound up with the idea that Brasso sees Cassian in a way many others on Ferrix don't. I think Maarva sees him, but she's too close to what she did and all the guilt and resentment around her just taking him from his home for that understanding to come without massive strings attached. And Bix, similarly, I think she understands Cassian perfectly well and she's made the conscious decision that That's Not For Her. For all the telling the series does about their previous relationship, the showing doesn't involve much pining (from my perspective), or inclination to get back together, just two people who know each other too well to put up with the other's bullshit. Brasso has that too, but with what the series gives us there's not the same kind of caveats to his understanding of Cassian. At least, that's how I see it.

Connected with 'although Cassian never gives anyone everything he gives something of himself to Brasso that no one else gets', I wanted to keep the two of them isolated from the other Ferrix survivors here. Cassian's in too vulnerable a place to face up to them all together - what's that trope, where a shapeshifter gets confused by being presented with too many things to change into? I think that would be Cass trying to maintain his armour around Bix and Bee as well - lying about the jobs he's doing and where he's been to them all together it too likely to leave him exposed. He can be selective with his information around Brasso, and he can tell when Brasso knows he's holding out and would rather he didn't, but Brasso's also not going to push too hard, because he knows that just gives Cassian an excuse to leave.

'Brasso merely nods - it's only ever just one night. The first time it happened he believed those words and afterwards, ablaze with memories of that one night, he had come to regret agreeing to it - he'd burned through the long sleepless hours between the first time and the second, convinced that he'd just learned what it was he truly wanted only to be denied any repeat of it. Then there had been a second 'just one night'. A third. Brasso had begun to understand that just one night actually meant something else when Cassian said it. It meant I trust you. I need you too much to ruin it by staying longer. I'll be back. I'll always need to come back.'

Of course, in trying to figure out how this would go as something established, I backed myself into a corner of wondering how it might have started - hence Counting on you (ugh I really wish I'd had the patience to think of better titles for these two fics). But I like the idea of seeing how this relationship came into being without ever really having been talked about, just changing bit by bit to incorporate more - as I was saying to @elwenyere, it's a ship of Theseus kind of deal, where both physically and emotionally they're scoping each other out and building on each encounter, as well as on the friendship they had anyway, but really it's just 'yes and-'ing each other without addressing their feelings directly.

I'll admit to taking a deliberately contrary stance to what I expected to be the default take on this ship - that Cassian would be more experienced, more likely to make the first move. I just prefer a dynamic in my ships where they're differently experienced and both invested in making the other feel good, so there's always a bit of a wrangle over who's initiating what. From the way Brasso meets Cassian's improvised alibi to the way he knows exactly where to find him with Maarva's message, I don't believe for one second this is a man who's shy about using his initiative. And like Cassian is, I think he's highly conscious of how people view him and his body and has learned to manipulate expectations around that - either to make himself seem less threatening or to do the opposite. It's something that's part of what they both get out of being together - no facade, Brasso doesn't need to make himself seem smaller or less threatening (he defaults to bumbling when confronted with Imperial patrols, it really takes a lot to get him swinging that brick on Rix Road) because Cass doesn't find him threatening, and Cassian doesn't need his sharp edges, or to make himself seem small in the way he does, too (I keep thinking of how those two Corpos talk about him in the bar in episode 1).

In the end, I think Cassian does believe he's not coming back. Whether because he won't last that long, or because he can't keep this reminder of life outside the dirty work of the Rebellion without the contrast hurting too much/compromising the armour he needs to do his work. And yes, a lot of this comes from pondering Cinta's attitude to her and Vel's relationship - again, if I manage to write more, expect them to be there and that to be part of it. So while it becomes clear to Brasso that Cassian thinks he's not coming back - in a different way from all the previous 'not coming backs', I think that catches Brasso off-guard. Because I think Brasso...wants to believe he would be more honest about how he feels if he really could grasp the idea of it being the last time he sees Cassian. He'd go all in if it was his last chance to do so. But without time to prepare? I think he's made too much of being the one who can let Cassian go (cf. Bix - he's always leaving) and that that's what lets him keep coming back. If you never give something a beginning how can you give it an ending?

A question I find myself confronted with regularly, 50k words in and utterly lost. Stay tuned?

[kybelles]

HELLO HI HELLO I AM HERE FOR THE DIRECTOR'S COMMENTARY MEME:

"There is a reason why Damen put Pallas and Lydos in charge. They are a terrific pair, so in sync without even needing to communicate verbally, and to this day they have never failed to manage one of the tasks Damen has assigned to them. Perhaps it’s vain of him but they also remind Damen of his youthful days with Nikandros and the thought fills his chest with fondness.

Fondness and some other emotion. Damen doesn’t dwell on it."

hello hi hello love 💕 💕 thank you so much for asking!

OH BOY THIS PART…… idk if you can tell but whenever i write about damen and nik in my fics i’d like to portray their relationship as ambitious as possible. there’s always a very strong implication that nik does feel something for damen, something more than one would feel for a beloved friend or god forbid a brother but for various reasons he knows it’s not going to go anywhere. especially after damen meets laurent and he marries sibylla. (i’d also like to point out that nik does love sib! it’s just that damen will always be his the one that got away)

damen is very aware of those feelings but he’d rather die than acknowledging this situationship cause he loves nik sooooo much (just not in the way nik hoped) and acknowledging it would mean damen is actively hurting nik even if that’s not his intention at all.

so i’d say that “some other emotion” damen doesn’t dwell on is mostly guilt 🥲

[alynnl]

for the ask game, definetly:

“I believe the next morning will be brighter for both of us,” Olberic said positively.  “Let us go to bed, and wait for it patiently.”

Walking arm in arm with the professor, Olberic approached one of the four beds in their lodgings and pushed the blankets aside.  Cyrus climbed into it, relaxing against the pillows and resting his hands over his stomach. Olberic grabbed onto one of the deep blue blankets, pulling them up to his companion’s shoulders.  Then he lingered for a moment, placing his hand softly on Cyrus’s shoulder.

He spoke quietly to wish the scholar a good night, but realized too late that he’d slipped.

Olberic meant to say it in their common language, but he spoke the words in Hornburgian.

“Ah, my apologies, Cyrus, what I meant to say was-” Olberic was close to correcting himself.

“Good night, Cyrus, Wise One,” the scholar spoke a perfect translation of the phrase, and smiled warmly.

“Good night, Olberic, Valiant One.”  Cyrus returned the sentiment, speaking it in Hornburgian as well.

It was a surprise for Olberic to hear his native tongue spoken back to him after eight long years of not hearing it at all.  There was a trace of Cyrus’s Flatlands accent, but it was not off-putting in the slightest.  It was the feeling behind the words that mattered more than their precise pronunciation, and in that regard, the professor spoke wonderfully.  Olberic could not think of the words to thank Cyrus for this in either language, so instead he answered with a simple wordless nod.  

The mutual Hornburgian greeting, from Legacy of the Lost. I know it well!

What was I thinking when I wrote it? I’ll level with you.  I wanted sap and I thought this was one of the ways to deliver it.  What better way to show how much you care for someone than to talk to them in their native language, even if it’s different than your own?  There are bonus points for Cyrus making the effort to make sure Hornburgian doesn’t turn into a dead language.  And of course, Olberic appreciates the gesture wholeheartedly. What made me write it in the first place? It actually formed in my head when I first had Cyrus and Olberic talk about learning different languages.  In Cyrus’s case, he was learning Hornburgian in his anticipation of visiting the place, and Olberic learned the common language shared between the Travelers and their starting towns so that he could adjust to life in a place where the words and culture were different than his own.  Bilingual headcanons are so fascinating to me even if I myself am not bilingual.  I think it adds a layer of depth to the characters and gives a richness to the world I imagine them inhabiting.  It paints a picture of Orsterra being sort of like our own world in that it’s very diverse, and there are many different ways for people to express themselves. What was going through the characters’ heads at the moment? Olberic was low key embarrassed here!  He thought that he made a tiny blunder.  And this was foreshadowed, since he mentions expressing himself in Hornburgian when nothing else will do.  But when Cyrus greets him back in the same language, that embarrassment quickly fades into admiration for the scholar, who’s meeting him in the middle.

Then we have Cyrus.  He’s the sweet, earnest scholar we all know and love who wants to study so he can leave the world a better place.  Cyrus knows that Olberic might have spoken in his native tongue by accident, but he’s never one to discourage anyone!  Instead he chose this small way to acknowledge where Olberic came from.

These two understand each other even deeper from this tiny exchange of words.  It shows that the language doesn’t matter: they will always value each other.

Why did I choose the words “Wise One” and “Valiant One?” Mostly, I wanted the Hornburgian expressions to sound cool.  Haha.  But also I thought these words expressed the traits that these two admire the most in one another.  Olberic looks to Cyrus for his wisdom and counsel, while Cyrus marvels at Olberic’s prowess on the battlefield and listens to his judgment when they’re in a dangerous situation.  There’s actually an extra bit of lore that didn’t make it into the main fic.  That the brightest scholars/tacticians earned the title of Wise One and the most distinguished knights earned the title of Valiant One.  It might be better if there is no formality or politics attached to these expressions though.  Anyone can be called these or other titles if the speaker thinks they should be, and that’s beautiful.

What does this moment mean, in the context of the rest of the story? The entire story of Legacy of the Lost is about Olberic finding out why Cyrus chooses to study Hornburg to this day.  It’s a “How it started, and how it’s going” overview of one of Cyrus’s main interests.  The mutual Hornburgian greeting is a good way to show how Cyrus’s tale of hope, loss, and renewed resolve changes both his and Olberic’s outlook on life going forward.  We have Cyrus truly making an earnest effort to begin speaking the language, and Olberic’s acceptance of it despite the accent.  Neither of them corrected each other, because they were each sincere in this moment.  This shows how much trust Cyrus and Olberic have built between them on their journey.  They don’t need to be precise.  This mutual understanding is a love language all on its own.

Any music I would set to this scene? The Piano Guys version of A Thousand Years definitely goes with the vibe I want from this one.

[onekisstotakewithme]

for the writing meme, i'd love director's commentary on as much of the last section of "Beautiful to Take a Chance" as you'd like to provide! that's one of my favorite of your fics

I didn't know! Good old "Beautiful to Take a Chance," I'd be glad to offer director's commentary on this story 💜

Apologies in advance if this is like, less than coherent, the story is four years old... 😅

(but to spare everyone else, I'll do it under a read more)

Okay so it's obviously just a basic 5+1 structure, and this is actually a fic I don't think about very often! 😅

It starts with snuggling because I'm a soft-ass bitch at heart.

There are actually more parts to this universe, backstory pieces that demonstrate how Hawkeye has come to be this way (involving Carlye, primarily, and how she's the root of some of his insecurities.)

“Where do you get off always telling me I’m…” He chokes on the word. “Is that supposed to be funny? Cause if you look closely you may notice I am expressing zero mirth.”

This part particularly - Hawkeye doesn't believe he's beautiful. The whole story is kind of inspired by Alan being mildly self-conscious, and by Hawkeye not looking like a conventional "hero".

“See, there you go again!” Hawk says. “Look, pal, I’ve looked in the mirror a handful of times in my life, and I can tell you, it’s never Gene Kelly looking back at me.”

Why did I pick Gene Kelly? Because at the time I was mildly obsessed with Singin in the Rain. Although, personally, I prefer Donald O'Connor.

ANYWAY EVERYONE SHOULD TELL HAWKEYE HE'S PRETTY.

“Well why didn’t you lead in with that?” Hawk asks, certain he’s bright red by now. “I’d have believed you much sooner if you’d brought up sex.”

Don't you love when he says something upsetting and means it? I do. But like Hawkeye reducing himself to a tired old lech (this is particularly on my mind at the moment having watched That's Show Biz the other night. Hawkeye ties his worth to being good in bed.

Idiot.

“Too long nose. Too many limbs that are too long and gangly. I look like a stick insect. The wrong face.” Hawk gestures to himself. “Extra fat in the wrong places and skinny everywhere else. A small cock.”

And here's where i confess something: i don't like that last line. At the time I wrote this, the server I was in LOVED Hawkeye having a small cock and I kind of ran with that based on their influence. On my own merits, I wouldn't have written that because it feels cliche to me, a way of making him the "woman" in his and BJ's relationships. So anyway, this is an average Hawk cock truther blog.

“Yeah,” Hawk says. “In the same way Igor is a gourmet chef.”

On your left, you'll see me never missing the chance to take a jab at Igor, who I irrationally dislike.

“Shush.” BJ says, giving Hawk a searching look. “Your face is just right, dummy. Maybe your nose is long, but it gives you character that Gene Kelly could only dream of. Skinny arms and legs, so what? The food’s bad and you happen to be tall. I’ve heard women - and men - like that.”

Someone commented this on the fic i believe - and I agree wholeheartedly - that it's important that BJ doesn't dismiss how Hawkeye feels. He acknowledges those feelings and then proceeds to say that he loves them. That matters to me at least (also my nose is slightly too big so <3 )

“No,” BJ murmurs. “It’s the curve of your ear, and the silver in your hair, and the scar you have from falling off your bike when you were six, and the blue of your eyes and the scar on your lip… you’re beautiful, Hawkeye.”

I'm quite proud of this line! (most of the time I look back at older writing and go 'ehhh what's so special about it' but this line...)

anywayyyy I love them. Thank you!

[gloryofteamrocket]