#directed at a certain someone for drawing purposes >:)

[trashyandtiredsol]

>:)

[loupy-mongoose]

So, I made some impulse purchases recently, including this lovely little gal.

Hai Luna~

When I ordered her, it started a bit of a Gardevoir kick in me. So I went and did some brainstorming about Jamie's Gardie pal, Clover.

This did get very long, but there's a lot of art that I really like! :3 Plus I borrowed a certain someone from @mewtwoandme~

Growing up I always drew the green headpiece as a bony structure with maybe green skin on it, like deer antlers. (Except it doesn't shed lol)

But in my efforts to redecide what it actually is to me, I went to Bulbapedia, and that called it hair. So I tried out hair as well, and I kinda like that better...

I love my deranged Gardie. :>

(Leaning into "Mischievous Fairy/Pixie" energy)

I wanted to draw some Gwen (M&M's Gardevoir), as her and Clover's characters are different in a lot of ways, and I thought it would be fun to draw them together. Turns out Gwen dwarfs my girls, and I adore that in every way. XD

I also came to realize that Jamie would admire Gwen--She doesn't wish change on Clover in the slightest, but she does like the grace that more conventional Gardevoirs possess. Plus she'd be astounded by her sheer size.

For the fun of it, I tried drawing them both in each of our styles. (Or more like "Features" than "style")

I did not like drawing Gardevoir in her style. All the respect and love to M&M, but it felt SO wrong to me personally. XD

Annnnd... I kinda accidentally thought of a different way to take their designs...

And then I tried to figure out the logistics of giving Gardvoir a tail. I kinda like the idea of there being one that blends into the Skirt, splitting and running down the length of the skirt ends.

A little character lore; Clover removed her skirt on purpose.

Growing up, I always had in mind that the skirt was skin, maybe acting as thermoregulation, or something like that. I don't think I ever decided whether they can feel through their skirts or not, but if I want it to be more angsty, then yes, they can feel.

Warning for general and self-inflicted injury in this paragraph. As a kid I figured Clover cut it off to prevent it from getting caught or grabbed. But now, with the developing idea of there being a tail involved, I got another idea with even more angst. I'm thinking possibly Clover had a tail bone broken, and maybe it healed wrong, causing her pain so she ripped off the whole skirt.

Okay, injury warning is over.

And now a little silly that's not exactly canon, but close enough. XD

Y'all can thank @puzzled-zebra for this, as she brought up the idea during a chat. It was too good to pass up. XD

And now I wish to finish with a nostalgia ramble, because Clover is very precious to me, along with Jamie.

I started a playthrough of Soul Silver many, many years ago--even before the playthrough that would become Jamie's trainer journey over ten years ago. It was a solo run, with a Ralts egg sent in to be my only companion. (I kept the rules soft, though, as I remember needing help from other Pokemon to beat Bugsy. XD) My memories of that playthough are faded, but I remember that Clover alone beat the Champion at level 64-65. Sometime within the next few years, she was my first ever Pokemon to reach level 100 without the use of Rare Candy or experience cheats. That playthough and whatever happened in it has no bearing on Clover's story, but it's what gave birth to her as a character, and I hold that very dear.

Her nature is "Hardy, Likes to Fight", and I'm really proud of little me for taking that in the direction she took it. XD

Anyway, that's my super long love-dump of my beloved gremlin fairy. Thanks to everyone who made it all the way, I know it got pretty long. ^^

[creepa-b0t-inc]

Muffet-related secret boss fans when the [[DATA EXPUNGED]]-related secret boss walks in:

So I've replaced Teel da Eel with my take on Fakeris, using my rejected ideas from back then!

Xirsk [pronounced zer-sk] is a failed caricature of Kris drawn by an artist at the Festival. in the Dark World, they were a simple unfinished concept floating out in the abyss, with no mind and no purpose. Then they were approached by a strange someone, and given a direction to drift in.

Throughout the Festival World, a strange NPC, identical to Beta Kris, will appear to be following Kris. It won't show up in every room, but it will show up after certain important moments, as if it were watching them.

Near the end of the chapter, a strange door will appear on a wall, like it was scribbled on. If Kris goes through this door, they alone will be trapped inside, and be forced to traverse a strange set of rooms, like a child's drawing of a house.

Now, after leading Kris to their dwelling, the strange figure transforms from their simplistic figure into a warped, monochrome mimicry of Kris themselves. They have fully realized their purpose: To become Kris, the Hero of Light. And to finally fulfill this purpose, they need one last thing: THE SOUL.

Now, whether or not you get to this fight depends ENTIRELY on two choices: Talking to that artist at the Festival and getting the caricature, and going through the door at the end. If neither of these requirements are met, no Xirsk.

[vvh1sk3y]

Please a humble request! Can I have relationship HC’s with König! Much appreciated 💜💜💜

hehe of course ♥️

character(s): könig, gen!reader

warning(s): mentions of anxiety, könig's got it rough

könig is very much the shy one in your relationship. it takes him quite some time to feel comfortable engaging and asking to do certain things. he'll often beat around the bush or wait for you to make a move.

he needs constant reassurance. the poor man overthinks everything. if you look at him the wrong way he'll probably cry in the bathroom because he'll think you're mad at him. he is always worried there is someone much better than him out there that you'll leave him for.

he has absolutely no experience with relationships. no one ever liked him growing up, and the one time he asked a girl out he was purposely led on, manipulated, and then made fun of. after that, he found himself too scared to even attempt to flirt, never mind ask anyone out.

könig is so unbelievably touch-deprived. no one has ever touched him romantically in his life and the last time he was held or comforted by someone was as a young child, so small things like a hug or hand-holding will make his entire day.

he is a very large man- i imagine him to be 6'9 or so-, and of course that draws a lot of unwanted attention to him. people will sometimes stop and ask him tall he is or just stare. he feels much more comfortable with you by his side if he ever goes out. having you there to squeeze his hand and silently reassure him that he is okay means the world to him and makes life a bit easier.

he likes to be held, even if it's hard because of his large size. he likes resting his head on your thighs or your chest and having you pet or play with his hair :)

an ideal date for könig would be going to a botanical garden, when it's not busy that is, or going somewhere with lots of plants or wildlife. he knows a lot about nature and likes to tell you random facts about animals or plants he sees.

he likes to write you romantic poems and letters, he has a hard time telling you how he feels (he gets very very nervous and embarrassed) so instead, he'll slip you a paper with something he wrote and will go in the other direction. for your birthday, he wrote you a very long and elaborate letter in a card and was beat red and fidgeting as you read it.

he can be quite romantic at times. he likes to set up little candle-lit dinners at home and share an expensive bottle of wine with you.

könig is a huge nerd, he is a big fan of all things fantasy. lord of the rings, dungeons & dragons, etc. it was one of the many things he got picked on for growing up, and because of that, he kept it a more private interest until he felt comfortable enough talking about it with you. you'll randomly ask him questions about it just to see his face light up and to hear him talk.

likes calling you schatz (treasure) or liebling (darling) :,)

he taught you some german once thinking it would be fun to have you learn, but it makes him so flustered to hear you speak it.

[the-masked-ram]

Sweet and Sour- Part One

CW: SFW, Slow burn, Eventual NSFW, Tags will change with each installment, Fem!reader, sassy reader, opposites attract

A/N: I am taking some liberties with Kaji and the Wind Breaker world with as much as we know about it. This is kind of canon divergent but not an AU

Kaji first met you when the sun was setting. Music was blaring in his ears, a sucker pressed firmly in between his teeth and cheek, and he was frowning down at his scuffed-up knuckles. That damned cat was far more trouble than it was worth. He pursed his lips; it was going to get fucking hurt one day. That thought, the thought that a part of the town that cared for him and accepted him and gave him purpose, might get hurt and wither like a dying flower caused a vicious twisting sensation in his chest.

---

He huffed and shook his head, pushing that feeling away. It was his job to make sure none of that happened. Even now that he was only in Bofurin and no longer in Furin, even though he was too old to truly be part of the school, it didn’t matter. Everyone who was ever once part of Bofurin never stopped. Not until they were forced to.

His gaze dragged along the park he’d found himself in, alone after a long day of patrols. He was still considered a cornerstone in Bofurin, but he was certain one day someone would take his place and that day he would need to find something outside that world that would carry him. Kaji just wasn’t sure what the resting beast inside of him would accept. He’d only known violence, he’d just found a way to channel it for good.

Only one bench had an opening, but you sat on the other side. He hesitated, uncertain, he didn’t want to be bothered now. But then he noticed the orange glow glinting off your headset, the gentle nod of your chin as you bobbed it in time with whatever music you were listening to while your fingers dug around a tin of candy.

His gaze slipped away from you, intending to avoid drawing your attention. He dropped onto the farthest edge of the seat, twirling the stick of the sucker so the candy rolled its welcoming sweetness against his tongue. Your head hadn’t even shifted in his direction.

It was strange, being part of Bofurin meant never getting a moment of peace. Something Kaji usually thrived in, he liked the noise, the rowdiness, even if he didn’t show it. Yet, it also meant when he needed a moment, just a second, to himself so he could think things over it was near impossible to find it. With a town member so close he imagined that you would start thanking him, making his spine stiffen and his hackles raise until something vulgar, and defensive came from his mouth, even if he tried to soften the blow of his words it never quite worked. You didn’t though.

In fact… Kaji tilted his head as he leaned back against the bench, eyes roving over you discreetly, he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen you before. He wasn’t necessarily good with names, but he wasn’t terrible with faces. He was certain he’d remember yours too. You gave no acknowledgement of his presence though and there was something about it, something about you being there, smiling as you nodded along with your music, sucking on ume sour candy, and staring across at the sparkling horizon. Your silence was comforting, was welcoming without needing anything to be said, it was different, and Ren liked it.

“Here,” you said, holding out a bandage.

There was a piece of him, so small, that wanted to ask your name. It made his skin itch and his teeth grind with nerves, but he pushed it down. He was never the one to talk first. He didn’t want to encourage that. He’d rather be left alone right now; he was bothered enough by the others in Bofurin.

He looked down at the damage to his hand once again and sighed, soaking in the last of the warm rays against his jacket. A shadow fell in front of him, and he startled, looking up with his fist clenching in preparation.

“Don’t be an idiot,” you narrowed your eyes and tilted your head, challenging him.

Your headset was down around your neck and your cheek bulged with the candy. He scowled.

“Don’t need it,” he huffed, as he shifted his headset away from his ears.

“It’s just a damned scrape,” he grumbled, fighting to soften his voice. “I’ve had worse.”

“I’m sure you have, still… even the smallest thing can get worse. A scrape can get infected,” you said persistently and knelt down, ripping open the package and taking his hand in yours.

Instantly Kaji moved to pull back, but your fingers tightened, and you fixed him with a glare that had him freezing up. Not even Kotoha could do that to him. Your touch was delicate though even with the furrow to your brow as you pressed the bandage into place causing your face to morph into a pleased smile.

“Don’t be dumb, keep that on,” you said as you stood and dusted yourself, only to turn and leave.

Kaji could do nothing more than blink, a light flush burned his cheeks, and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you as you walked away before the sun set completely. He definitely would have remembered you. Who the hell were you?

[formula-nyoom]

Stars Racing Past-2

Summary: After managing to escape the phantom on Tatooine, (Y/N), Seb, and Kimi head to Coruscant to meet with the Jedi Council to hopefully allow (Y/N) to become a Jedi and be assigned a teacher.

A/N: Thank you guys so much for the support on the first chapter. I'm really glad people liked it and I can't wait for you guys to read what I've got cooking. While I don't really like taglists, I will have one for this series. I think the max I can tag is 50(ish) people so I will have to cut it off at some point. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Series Masterlist

~~~

The ship seemed to remain in one piece as it traveled through lightspeed. And with nothing indicating that the hyperdrive would fail, Kimi switched on the autopilot as he and Seb focused on the girl that was now with them. Now that things were calm, she seemed to be processing everything that just happened as her eyes stared at the light rapidly traveling past the ship

 “(Y/N)...” Seb gently said, drawing the girl’s attention to him. “Can you tell us what happened? Why was this person chasing you?”

 “I don’t know. He had come into the store after closing…he…” The girl trailed off.

“Can you tell us exactly what happened?” Seb quietly asked. (Y/N) took a breath and nodded.

 “I was working on repairing my speeder when I heard Mr (L/N) tell a customer to leave. He mentioned the two of you…I thought you guys had come back to get me or sent someone to come get me. But when I peered in… there was just something about this person that felt wrong.”

 “What did you sense from this person?” Kimi asked.

“Sinister…and dark.” (Y/N) said. “He didn’t feel anything like when you guys had come in earlier.”

 “You said that he killed them…did he kill Mr and Mrs (L/N)?” Seb asked. The girl nodded. Her eyes started to water as the scene of the phantom driving his red lighted blade through their chests replayed in her head. 

 “I ran as soon as he saw me. I jumped on my speeder and took off. I didn’t know where I was going at first, I just knew I had to get far away from this…this phantom.”

 “Lucky you were able to find us then.” Kimi said.

“I don’t think it was luck.” Both Seb and (Y/N) said. Seb looked at the girl perplexed. 

 “What do you mean by that?” He asked

“I..I felt something. I don’t know how to really describe it, but I felt something guiding me in a certain direction. It led me to you guys.”

Seb smiled. 

 “I knew The Force would make our paths cross again.” He said. (Y/N) tried to mirror Seb’s sentiment, but her mind kept going back to the phantom.

“Who…who was that person that chased me. What did he want with me?” (Y/N) asked.

“He was a Sith.” Kimi said. Seb looked at him with concern.

 “Are you sure? The Sith hadn’t been seen in ages.”

“Everything about him screamed Sith, from his lightsaber to the way he fought.” Kimi said. “I don’t think this was a random occurrence.”

 “What do you mean?”

“On a previous mission, I was investigating rumors of potential dark side activity. I didn’t have enough evidence to warrant bringing this matter up to the council. But now I think we should.” Kimi said.

 “What’s a Sith?”(Y/N) asked. 

“Dark side Force users.” Kimi said. (Y/N) still looked confused. Seb kneeled down next to her to be eye level.

 “There are two sides of the Force. There’s the light side that the Jedi use to try and bring peace, and there’s the dark side that the Sith use for conflict and nefarious purposes. Before the age of The High Republic, the Jedi and Sith would fight constantly before most of the Sith were wiped out and hadn’t been seen since.” Seb explained.

 “But it seems like they may be trying to come back or rise to power.” Kimi said.

“What would the Sith want with me?” (Y/N) asked. “I’m…I’m just a slave.”

 “You’re not a slave. You’re so much more than just a person.” Seb said, gently clasping the girl’s hands. “(Y/N)...I believe that you can become an exceptional Jedi. You seem to be well in tune with The Force. I saw you use it in the shop, and you were able to channel it to help you find us. You seem to have a much better grasp on it than any other untrained force sensitive person I’ve come across.”

 The girl was silent for a couple moments.

“Are the stories true? That the Jedi fight for the good of others? Bring peace to the galaxy?” She asked.

 “Yes. The Jedi stand to be guardians of peace and justice. We use the light side of the Force to help protect and fight for others who can’t. And you could be that kind of person…” Seb explained. “But I also don’t want to pressure you into coming with us back to the Jedi Temple.

 “Considering the circumstances, you’re no longer a slave.” Kimi said.

“He’s right. You’re free now to do whatever you want, go wherever you want to go.” Seb said.

 “But that Sith we encountered will still try to come after you.”

“Kimi’s unfortunately right about that too. Whatever the Sith may have wanted with you, it’s not good. You would be safer with us back at The Temple. But again, I leave the decision up to you.” 

(Y/N) looked back towards the flying stars, taking in all that was said. Seb and Kimi were right, she was free. She could make her own choices now.

 “I’ll come with you. I want to train to be a Jedi and fight for those that can’t.” (Y/N) said. Seb smiled.

 “That’s wonderful to hear.” He said. 

(Y/N) smiled. Seb looked like he believed in her. That’s the first time someone has looked at her that way.

 “Don’t get too excited, Seb.” Kimi said. “We still have to meet with The Council about this matter. They may think she’s too old to start training as it goes against The Code.”

Seb didn’t seem deterred by Kimi’s words.

“I have faith that they’ll make the right decision. Besides, we'll have to inform the Council about our encounter with a Sith. I think once they hear about that, they’ll see how important the matter is.” Seb said. 

The time traveling to Coruscant wasn’t long, but it took enough time for (Y/N) to doze off, the events of the past few hours finally catching up to her. When she woke, she was met with blue sky and the sight of city skylines.

 “Have you ever been to a planet like Coruscant?” Seb asked when he noticed the girl was awake. (Y/N) shook her head.

“I’ve lived on Tatooine for most of my life.” She said. 

(Y/N) tried to take in all the new sights as Kimi piloted the SF-16. She watched as other smaller ships flew past various buildings and apartments. There seemed to be so much hustle and bustle in Coruscant. A stark contrast to Tatoonie. Eventually the SF-16 flew towards a giant structure that seemed to stick out compared to everything else in the city. It had various towers while looking very square. (Y/N) could tell that this was The Jedi Temple that Seb and Kimi kept mentioning.

Kimi piloted the ship onto a landing pad and the three began to disembark.

The ship door opened and (Y/N) was hit with a blast of cool air and no humidity as she followed Seb and Kimi off the ship. Now seeing the Temple up close, it was way more imposing with an almost wing-like symbol displayed on banners that hang from the front.

A young man greeted the three of them as they made their way closer to the temple entrance. He wore the same clothes as Seb and Kimi, minus the robe, and had short blonde hair with one long braided strand.

“Master Vettel! You're back! How were the negotiations?” The man said. 

 “We had some complications. Could you alert the Council of our arrival. There are matters we need to discuss with them.” Seb said.

 “Certainly.” The young man said. He turned around and started to hurry off.

(Y/N) followed Seb and Kimi past the entrance and into the temple proper.  Various people greeted Seb and Kimi as they walked past while also giving curious glances towards (Y/N). (Y/N) tried to stick close to Seb, not wanting to draw any attention herself while also trying to take in all her surroundings. The temple was big and open with high arching ceilings and architecture (Y/N) had never seen before. Some of the adults that passed by were accompanied by kids (Y/N)’s age, having the same braid as the young man that greeted them at the entrance. And the atmosphere of everything, it felt the same to (Y/N) as when Seb and Kimi first walked into the repair shop but multiplied by 10.

It felt both safe and suffocating at the same time.

Soon the three of them made it to a set of tall double doors with the same intricate symbol as the ones on the banners. The young man that greeted them when they landed stood in front of the doors and smiled at Seb as they approached. 

 “They’re inside ready to meet you.” He said.

“Thank you Mick. Will you wait out here for me? I need to talk to you about some things regarding your training.” Seb told him. Mick nodded. 

Standing in front of the big doors, (Y/N) suddenly felt very nervous. The idea of having to meet with people only referred to as “The Council” seemed very nerve wracking to the young girl. Seb seemed to notice this as he placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“I just want to reassure you that there is nothing to worry about. The Council may seem intimidating to you at first, but they aren’t.” Seb said. 

 “I was intimidated by them when I first met them.” The young man, Mick, said. He gave (Y/N) a reassuring smile. (Y/N) tried to give one in return but she was pretty sure that nervousness still showed on her face. 

“You can stand by Kimi while I talk with The Council. I don’t think I’ll have to do much convincing to have them allow you to become part of The Order, but they may ask you a couple questions.” He said. “Are you ready?”

(Y/N) took a deep breath to try and steal her nerves. 

 “Yes.” She said, Seb smiled and nodded his head before opening the door. 

The circular room was much smaller than (Y/N) expected it to be. 

Nine chairs were arranged in a circle that took up most of the room. All of the seats except for two had someone sitting in it: Men dressed in the same attire as Seb and Kimi. 

Most of them greeted Seb with a smile but all of them seemed to look at (Y/N) once she stepped into the room. She moved closer to Kimi, almost trying to hide behind him.

“Master Vettel. It’s good to see both you and Master Räikkönen back in one piece. Master Alonso informed us that the negotiations with the Trade Federation didn’t seem to go well.” Master Webber, one of Seb’s fellow councilmen, spoke. Seb nodded his head.

 “You are correct, Master Webber. The Trade Federation was not up for negotiations in the slightest. We tried to have an open discussion with them but after a couple minutes the Leader left the room and me and Kimi were soon swarmed by battle droids. We had to fight our way out of there and during our ship’s retreat, the hyperdrive ended up being damaged, causing us to crash land on Tatooine.” Seb explained.

 “Seems you may have picked something up while on Tatooine.” Master Ricciardo said, glancing behind Seb at (Y/N). He wore a friendly smile, but (Y/N) couldn’t help but try to make herself seem smaller due to nerves.

“We encountered a member of the Sith while on Tatooine.” Kimi said. Some of the men looked at each other with either confusion or concern.

 “The Sith haven't been seen in ages.” Master Bottas said.

“What was a potential Sith doing on Tatooine.” Master Rosberg asked.

 “That was the other matter I wished to discuss with you. I had mentioned to Master Alonso earlier that me and Master Räikkönen believe that we have found The Chosen.” Seb said. He turned around and gestured to (Y/N) to come join him in the center of the room. (Y/N) quietly walked over and stood next to Seb. The tone in the room seemed to shift once (Y/N) stood before them, as if they could sense something she couldn’t. (Y/N) wished she could be as small as possible with all these sets of eyes on her. 

 “What’s your name, young one?” Master Webber asked the girl. 

“(Y/N).”  She quietly said.

“You’re from Tatoonie?” He asked. (Y/N) shook her head. 

 “No. I was sold on Tatooine. I don’t know what planet I'm originally from.”

 “You were a slave?” A different man asked. He had darker skin and wore his hair in braids. The girl nodded.

“(Y/N) said that the trader who sold her only dealt with Force sensitive. That’s a matter I feel we should discuss as well but at a later time." Seb chimed in. 

 “How old are you?” Master Webber asked her.

“11.” That answer caused some of the men to whisper to each other. (Y/N) tried not to think about what Kimi had said earlier about her possibly being too old to join The Order.

 “How old were you when you were sold?” The man with braids asked.( (Y/N) would learn later he’s addressed as Master Hamilton)

“Five.” She told him. Master Webber took in the girl’s appearance, how she stood and how her hands fidgeted with the hem of her shirt to try and ease her nerves. But (Y/N) felt that he was trying to sense something else.

 “(Y/N), with all that's happened to you in the past hours, you don't seem to be upset about being away from what was your home planet.” He said. (Y/N)’s face seemed to harden at his observation.

 “Tatoonie never felt like home. Neither did the people who owned me.” She said, her voice now at an even and clear volume.

“So you have no attachments to the life that you had on Tatooine?”

(Y/N) didn’t need to think hard about that question. The people she belonged to were dead. She never made any real friends on that planet and besides repairing old speeders, she felt there was nothing to call her back to Tatooine. 

 “No. There’s nothing left for me back on Tatooine.” She said firmly. Master Webber looked to Seb

 “You think she should join the Order.” Master Webber. It didn’t sound like a question, more so like Master Webber already knew Seb’s intentions.

“She’s too old.”Master Rosberg said.  “She hasn’t been taught the proper teachings like every youngling must learn.”

 “I understand that but I’ve seen how she uses The Force and how she’s been able to channel it. I believe if given time, proper training, and a good teacher, she can become a great Jedi.” Seb explained. (Y/N) wanted to smile at Seb’s words, but as she took them in, she also remembered that Seb had referred to as “The Chosen" earlier. (Y/N) wanted to know what he meant by that. It sounded like something with high expectations.

The men broke out into whispers amongst each other as they debated on what decision to make. Seb looked down at (Y/N) and gave her a reassuring smile and her shoulder a gentle squeeze. It comforted her a bit.

“The Council has decided…” Master Webber spoke after a few more moments of hushed whispers. “...that despite her age and considering the circumstances, (Y/N) will be allowed to join The Order and train in the ways of The Jedi.”

Both (Y/N) and Seb seemed to let out a relieved breath.

“Master Räikkönen will be her teacher.” Master Webber said. Kimi cleared his throat, having stayed at the back of the room the whole time.

 “With all due respect, the missions I go on are not fit for a padawan.” He said.

 “I’d be happy to take her on as my padawan.” Seb said.

“You already have a padawan Master Vettel. You can not take on another one.” Master Button said.

 “I believe that Mick is ready to take on the trials to become a Jedi Knight. I’ve trained him for many years and feel he is prepared to handle his own missions.” Seb said. A few of the Council men glanced at each other.

“The Council has seen Padawan Schumacher’s progress. While he has learned and grown over the years with his abilities regarding The Force since becoming your padawan, recent months have cast doubt on if he is ready to become a Knight. Unfortunately we will have to deny your request.” Master Webber said.

 “Not to mention that there are more younger Jedi Knights who are ready to take on padawans. I understand that with you believing that this girl is the Chosen one, that she should have a more experienced teacher, but The Council have not yet seen anything from her that truly proves so. Therefore she will be treated like every new padawan that comes into the Jedi Order.” Master Alonso explained. Seb nodded his head.

 “I understand.” He said, hiding his disappointment inside. “If that is the case…then I believe I may know of a suitable teacher for (Y/N).”

~~~

The sounds of lightsabers clashing echoed throughout the training room as Seb entered. Once the council meeting had ended, Seb had asked Mick to show (Y/N) to what would be her new living quarters while Seb headed to the training room to look for a certain Jedi Knight. One or two people training greeted Seb as he entered, but most were engrossed in the sparring match that was happening in the middle of the room. 

Two young men were engaged in a fierce lightsaber duel. One had dark blonde hair and wielded a blue lightsaber with intensity. His opponent deflected the hits with his own two green lightsabers. They seemed evenly matched, each deflecting hits that came their way. One may suspect that the young man wielding two lightsabers would have the upper hand, but a subtle feint and quick force powered shove from the dark blonde sent the brown haired young man he was fighting down to the ground, dropping one of his sabers. 

“I win this one Charles.” The dark blonde young man said as he held his lightsaber in front, almost as if stopping the brunette from getting up. But the two smiled at each other and the blonde lowered his lightsaber to offer Charles a hand up. Those around that watched the sparring match applauded the two of them. Seb included.

 “Max!” Seb called out. The dark blonde turned and, after giving Charles a pat on the shoulder, walked over to the Jedi Master.

 “Yes, Master Vettel?”

“I know we haven’t spoken about this matter in a while but I wanted to know if you still had your objections about taking on a padawan?”

 “Like I’ve said before Master Vettel, I don’t think it would be fit for me to take on a padawan. I’m-”

 “-not a good teacher. I know, you’ve said that multiple times. However, I’ve just met with the council regarding an important matter.” Seb said. 

 “The Council can’t assign me a padawan. I have to be the one to choose.” Max said.

“I know that, but we think you and her would be a good pairing. You know what it’s like to have high expectations placed upon you.” Seb said. Max gave him a confused look.

 “What do you mean by that exactly?”

“Come with me. I think this matter should be discussed somewhere more private.”

(Y/N) should expect that everything on Coruscant was going to be better than what she had on Tatooine. Yet she was still surprised by the living quarters that Mick showed her. The room had a proper bed with a mattress (Y/N) felt she could sink right into, a window with a view looking out at the Coruscant skyline, and a closet filled with garb like the ones everyone in the temple was wearing. It was all so much more than (Y/N) ever had.

(Y/N) didn’t hesitate in changing from her old, Tatoonie clothing into a fresh set of tunic and pants, throwing her old pair into a trash can without hesitation. The clothes fit perfectly, like they were meant to. She caught a glimpse of herself in the window’s reflection. Her hair was still messy and there was still some dirt and sand left smudged on her face, but everything else she saw looked nice, looked new. 

“This is different.” She thought to herself. “This place feels safe.”

She looked again at her new living quarters. (Y/N) assumed that she was supposed to wait for Seb or someone else to come get her. But after traveling with Seb and Kimi for the past couple hours and having to meet with The Council, (Y/N) finally had some time to herself. And even though (Y/N) could spend hours on end sitting by the window staring at the skyline, there was a whole Temple to explore. And that’s what she was going to do.

~~~

At the moment, (Y/N) had no idea where in the temple she was. Honestly she should have expected this, being in a big and elaborate building she’s never been in before. (Y/N) had managed to find the temple’s library, mess hall, and the same entrance she had entered in with Seb and Kimi. But in trying to find her way back to her living quarters, (Y/N) seemed to have gotten a bit turned around. 

 ‘Maybe if I double back and try and retrace my steps-’

(Y/N)’s thought process was interrupted as she accidentally bumped into the back of someone.

 “Oh, sorry about that.” (Y/N) apologized as the person turned around. It was a boy about her age, with brunette hair and brown eyes. He wasn’t alone, as a blonde boy with blues stood behind. Both of them had the same singular braid in their hair that Mick had.

 “No worries.” The brunette boy said. His voice had the same accent as Master Webber. He looked at (Y/N) with curiosity. “Are you new? I’ve never seen you around The Temple before.” The brunette boy said. 

“Oh, yea I’m new...just arrived today.” (Y/N) told him. The boy smiled. 

“I’m Oscar. This is Logan.” The brunette boy held out one of his hands for (Y/N) to shake. (Y/N) shook it and held out her hand for the blonde boy to shake. He hesitated before shaking her hand with one of his gloved ones. 

 “It’s nice to meet you Oscar, Logan. I’m (Y/N)”. She said, “I was trying to explore around but ended up getting a bit lost.”

 “It is a bit hard to find your way around this place when you first get here.” Logan said.

“Well me and Logan were gonna head to the training ground. Maybe we could show you parts of the temple on the way there, if you want to join us.” Oscar said.

 “Sure. That would be great!” (Y/N) said.

Following the two boys, Oscar and Logan showed (Y/N) parts of the temple she had missed, like some of the teaching rooms and outdoor atrium. Just as she was about to follow Oscar and Logan into the training room, someone called her name.

“(Y/N)!” It was Seb, who walked over with someone in tow. (Y/N) waved goodbye to Oscar and Logan before walking over to meet Seb.

“I was wondering where you may have wandered off to.” Seb said. “I have someone I want you to meet.”

The girl standing before Max wasn’t what he expected. Master Vettel had told him how he thought Max would be the perfect fit to train someone who was expected to become a great Jedi, that there was some prophecy involved with the person he was supposed to train. 

 “Max, this is (Y/N), she just arrived today. (Y/N), this is Jedi Knight Max Verstappen.” Seb said, introducing the two. The girl, (Y/N) as Seb introduced her, had started fidgeting with one of her sleeves as soon as she walked over. But she seemed to steel herself and held out a hand for Max to shake. It had smudges of dirt and a bit of dried oil left on it.

 “It’s nice to meet you.” She said. Max shook his hand.

As soon as their fingers touched, Max felt The Force wrap around him, as if it was trying to tell him something. He tried to steel himself, and hone in on the feeling. And he found that it was coming from the girl in front of him. Did the girl feel it too? Max couldn’t tell as she pulled her hand away. He did the same.

 “I was just discussing with Max on how I think he would be a good teacher for you and that you would make a good padawan for him to train.” Seb said to (Y/N). “However the decision does come down to Max, so I thought it would be best for you two to at least meet before any decisions are made.”

Max didn’t think he was the type of person that would be a good teacher, that he wasn’t fit to train a padawan. He’s admitted multiple times that he’d rather spend his time training and going on missions where he could use his lightsaber a plenty than be in the temple teaching a youngling the ways of The Force.

But there’s something about the girl in front of him. Not only with The Force but with just everything about her. Max looked at (Y/N) and saw his younger self staring back.

 “Now Max, you don’t need to make a decision now, but I advise that you and (Y/N) try to get to know each other before-”

 “I'll do it.” Max said, interrupting Seb. Seb looked at Max with surprise.

“Really? “That’s wonderful to hear!” Seb said, now smiling. “Well my previous suggestion still stands that the two of you should get to know each other before you guys start training. I'll leave you to it.”

Seb gave (Y/N) a reassuring pat on her shoulder and a nod to Max before walking away, leaving the pair alone. The two stared at each other.

“So I assume I address you as Master Verstappen?” (Y/N) asked. Max grimaced.

 “Don't call me that. Max is fine.” He said. (Y/N) could now pick up that Max spoke with an accent, one she had never heard before. “Have you eaten at all since you’ve got here?”

(Y/N) shook her head, now realizing how long it had been since she had last eaten.

 “Well I can show you the dining hall and we can talk, “get to know each other” as Master Vettel said. Is that ok?”

 “Yea, sure. I’m starving.”

Through the windows of the dining hall, (Y/N) could see the sun slowly setting on the Coruscant skyline. After putting various food on her tray, (Y/N) followed Max as he led her to a more secluded part of the dining hall.

As she followed though, (Y/N) couldn’t help but notice the various stares or hushed whispers from people as they passed.

 “Is that Verstappen…with a youngling?”

“Verstappen said he would never take on a padawan.”

 “Do you think The Council forced him to take on one?”

Max took a seat at one of the tables tucked into the corner. (Y/N) sat across from him and looked down at her food.  

“Master Vettel told me you lived on Tatooine. I’ve never been to that planet. What’s it like there?” Max asked. While Max was trying to skirt around the unfortunate circumstance the girl was in before she was found by Sebastian and Kimi, Max still wanted to try and get to know the girl. So he thought asking about the planet where (Y/N) grew up would be a safe question to ask.

 “Hot. Sandy. Hot and Sandy is the only way to really describe it.” (Y/N) said with a neutral face as she poked at the food in front of her.

“What was your favorite thing to do there?” Max asked. (Y/N) took a bite of her food and smiled a bit. 

 “Trying to repair an old speeder that someone left behind.” (Y/N) said. “A bunch of races are held almost every month on Tatooine. I was hoping to get it fixed and enter some of the races. Win enough money to get me off the planet.”

 “I prefer racing ships over speeders. A lot more action and opportunity.” Max said. (Y/N) looked at him curiously.

“Is that what I’ll be able to do at some point? Pilot a ship and race it past the stars?” (Y/N) asked. Piloting was something (Y/N) always wanted to learn. Properly. She learned bits and pieces from the pilots that would come into the shop for parts or repairs, but (Y/N) always wanted to learn how to fly a ship. Probably to better her chances of getting off Tattoonie. But (Y/N) no longer had to worry about that.

 “Maybe. What I’m supposed to do is teach you how to harness The Force.” Max said. “But you are my padawan, so I can teach you things The Council may not want you to learn when you’re just starting out.” Max said, giving the girl a slight mischievous grin. (Y/N) couldn’t help but smile back. 

After the two had finished eating, Max walked (Y/N) back to her living quarters. Whispers and stares seemed to follow them as they walked and (Y/N) tried to brush it off. 

 “We’ll start your training tomorrow morning.” Max said as they stopped at the door to (Y/N)’s living quarters. “I know it may feel strange sleeping in an unfamiliar place but try to get some proper sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

 “Ok. Goodnight.” (Y/N) watched Max walk away. As he passed by a group of younglings with braids in their hairs, they looked at Max with awestruck faces. But he didn’t pay them any attention. (Y/N) remembered what she felt when she and Max first shook hands. Something seemed to pull her towards Max, The Force trying to tell her that something about him was important. She couldn’t help but wonder…who exactly did Seb assign as her teacher?

TAGLIST: @fangirl-dot-com @chasing-liberosis @miarabanana @vicurious28 @mayo-0-o

[lonleydweller]

🥀Yandere Self aware Nubbins (TCM game) hcs🥀

This wasn't a request.. but I thought of the idea and figured it'd be a fun write

Warnings: yandere trope, obsessive behavior, 4th wall break, self aware character, stalking

Yanderes are OK to enjoy in fiction. They should stay fiction. They are not examples of healthy relationships. These behaviors are NOT okay in real life. They are horrid. This is for entertainment purposes

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● I'm assuming for this concept that you're more than likely someone who mains Nubbins when it comes to playing as family. Always choosing him if someone else hasn't already chosen him during a match!

● The greasy feral man was your favorite, he could easily maneuver through gaps and crawlspaces to pursue victims, moved swiftly, and had helpful little traps you could set around. Little did you know the favoritism would be reciprocated.

● I mean he must be your favorite right? You play as him every chance you get! You always seem to have so much fun playing as him! He knew he was the best! Otherwise why would you choose him over the rest? The idea of being someone's favorite, your favorite, the favorite of what is essentially an omnipotent being to him, makes him giddy.

● He loathes whenever you're away from the game, or when you're unable to play as him in the match because someone else is. He dosen't want these pigs controlling him! He wants you to! Just you. You play him the best!

● You may notice when you play as survivor that all the hitchhiker players you encounter seem to struggle killing you. Even high level players seem to stopping irregularly, missing hits, going the opposite direction of you even after spotting you, and randomly falling over even when no one's barged them. Perhaps it was a simple bug? Lag? Or maybe you were just getting that good at the game?

● If you're playing as a family member and someone else has taken up Nubbins, then the issues aren't as prevalent. However the character still shows irregular behavior. Doing certain animations like stomping his foot, being stunned, or swinging at nothing, even when they're not doing anything that would warrant the animation to be played. Almost as if Nubbins was having a fit, but that would be ridiculous right? It's just lines of code.

● You may notice slight, changes in your game, ones you could easily brush off as luck. Struggling to get a certain perk in the skill tree? What do ya know you got all of them! Nubbins seems slightly faster than normal? Maybe you're just tripping yourself out! Were you struggling to hit victims sometimes? You're getting a few extra hits in now!

● Do you like hearing him talk? Do you smile or laugh whenever he says a line? Do you make comments and talk back thinking you're just talking to nothing? He seems to babble even more as you run around and slash as victims. Especially the lines you seen to like the most.

● Slowly the lines might change. He starts saying the lines he'd say to other characters, like cook, Johnny, leatherface, ect. Even when they're not anywhere in sight. Particularly lines that used words like we, us, our. Maybe they were nearby and you just didn't notice?

● Now I feel it would take awhile for Nubbins to do anything drastic such as look at you through a camrea, connect to other devices, or dig through personal information and files on whatever device you play the game on. If he eventually does however, it will certainly further his obsession. Especially if he finds out you're a fan of the original tcm movie, if you have merch, drawings, or even met his actor, it kicks his obsession into overdrive.

● Many of the irregularities you may notice can just be passed off as bugs, errors, player fault, or luck. Nothing strange. Nothing to indicate that the lines of code were sentient. At somepoint however, the occurrences get to the point they can't be just be brushed off as a faulty game.

● He starts speaking new lines, one's you know aren't in the base game. One's that are too specific. Too direct. Praising you, your skill, what a great team you two make. Insulting other players. Commenting on your appearance, your home, your voice, things you've been recently doing. Then the console won't turn off. The game keeps opening even after you close it. You get loaded into rounds where there's no other players.

● Your best bet at this point is to throw out your whole console. Any tcm media too. Hoping he hasn't infected other devices, hoping he hasn't leaked into the real world. Could he? If he could do this what would stop him from going farther? Who says he can't come out from the movie itself? His original source? You'd never be able to know until it's too late.

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[ugotnojamzzz]

Rulers of Ruin

Chapter 5

Genre: Mafia!au , Slowburn, Angst, Hurt, eventual smut, TW (it is a mafia!AU, after all)

Pairing: Mafia!Jungkook x reader

Synopsis: There will come a day when I will sit down and write an alluring synopsis for this series. But that day hasn't come just yet lol. Stay tuned for more chapters to come.

Disclaimer: English isn’t my native language. Also, don’t come for me over the theme, people. It’s an Alternate Universe, which means the bangtan boys are essentially what I like to call meat puppets to serve the storyline. This is obviously not a projection of their actual real-life personas.

Wordcount: 2.9k

Masterlist

Chapter 4

--

As her initial days at the Kim estate unfolded, Y/N found herself not so much in captivity as in an odd limbo. Though technically a "guest," her freedom was limited by the subtle yet unmistakable presence of guards who followed her every move—to the visible annoyance of Taehyung, who seemed to bear the brunt of this duty.

Namjoon, the orchestrator of her current predicament, was conspicuously absent, his presence dwindling to nothing more than brief sightings at long corridors or fleeting shadows behind closed doors.

This absence gnawed at her, feeding a growing unease about what might be going on—was there some new development involving her brother? Was the standoff between their clans escalating in ways she couldn't see from her gilded cage?

The estate was too quiet. Here and there, people would appear—agents, staff, and other unidentified figures who seemed to have urgent purposes and places to be. Their steps were brisk, their conversations clipped and hushed, hinting at a larger narrative playing out just beyond Y/N's reach.

No one ever seemed to so much as glance in her direction. She was part of the scenery, a fixture within the ornate walls of the mansion, which allowed her a certain degree of observation she wouldn't have possessed otherwise.

Y/N quickly found herself attuned to the rhythms of the house. She began to memorize the patterns of the guards’ patrols, the shifts changes, and the locations of the surveillance cameras—each detail a potential piece in the puzzle of her eventual escape, should the opportunity arise.

Her days developed a routine that brought a semblance of stability. Mornings were spent in the vast, sunlit atrium where breakfast was served promptly at seven. The meals were quiet, the food exquisite yet eaten with the mechanical motions of someone whose thoughts were elsewhere. Afternoons allowed for time in the extensive library, where Y/N pored over books with titles ranging from political treatises to ancient warfare.

Walks in the garden were permitted in the late afternoons. These were her least confined moments, though still shadowed by Taehyung. It was during these walks that she carefully counted steps, noted blind spots, and committed the timing of guard shifts to memory, all under the pretense of leisurely strolls.

One quiet afternoon, Y/N was absorbed in a book, sipping tea in the plush setting of the drawing room, with Taehyung lounging beside her.

The picture of absolute boredom, he sprawled in his bergère chair, idly swiveling his head back and forth to the ticking of the clock when suddenly, the calm was shattered by the doors bursting open.

Two young men marched in with confident strides.

"Taehyung-ah, there you are! We’ve been looking for you," one of them called out, his voice echoing slightly in the spacious room.

"Come on, let's go," urged the other, his tone impatient.

"Can't," Taehyung sighed heavily, nodding in Y/N's direction as she sat immersed in her book.

"Aish, still on babysitting duty, I see," grumbled the first, and with that comment, Y/N's patience snapped. She closed her book with a definitive clap, her eyes lifting slowly to assess the source of her interruption. Her jaw clenched as her gaze fell on two faces that weren’t linked to particularly fond memories.

"YN, this is Jimin," Taehyung introduced, gesturing towards the platinum blonde who had escorted her from the depths of the basement upon her arrival. He sat down next to Taehyung.

"And that’s Yoongi," he continued, nodding towards the man with piercing eyes who had struck the hell out of her a few days prior.

"We’ve met," Y/N responded icily, her gaze fixed on Yoongi. She subtly ran her tongue over the small cut on her lip—a lingering souvenir from their last encounter.

"Yeah, sorry about that, by the way," Yoongi said with a nonchalant shrug as he picked up a tangerine from the table and began peeling it, "you know the drill, orders are orders."

Uninterested, YN turned her attention back to her book.

"So, they really have you following her around all day?" Jimin's question, laced with curiosity, sliced through the room's previous tension. Y/N couldn't help but feel a flicker of offence at their casual disregard for her presence.

Taehyung nodded, a hint of resignation in his voice. "And nights too," he added, rolling his tired eyes slightly. "Guess that's my punishment for the whole capture thing."

"Yeah,” Yoongi chuckled, “I heard that was quite a scene."

"Shut up," Taehyung shot back, not quite able to mask his irritation. Though the physical mark of his black eye had faded, the embarrassment of the botched operation lingered like a stubborn stain.

It had all been planned meticulously, expecting her to be passed out in the SUV almost the second she stepped off the plane. Everything was supposed to go smoothly. What could some frail boarding-school girl possibly do, anyway, right?

But she clearly hadn’t gone down without a fight.

"To be fair, everyone has their strengths," Y/N suddenly commented, her voice even and calm, eyes still fixed on the page of her book, not even granting them the courtesy of her gaze. She turned a page deliberately, then added, "It’s just a shame yours isn’t your job."

At her words, a stifled giggle escaped Jimin, who couldn't help but appreciate the sharp jab. His laughter, however, was short-lived. Without missing a beat, Yoongi delivered a swift slap to the back of his blonde head, a clear reprimand for his lack of decorum.

"Punk," Yoongi muttered under his breath, shooting a glare at the younger boy, who rubbed the back of his head, still smirking slightly despite the admonishment.

Jimin shifted his focus. "Hey, by the way, did you end up finding a proper room for her?" he asked, turning towards Y/N with a curious gaze.

Yoongi leaned forward slightly. "Right, where did they stash GI Jane?"

Taehyung raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Oh shit, you haven’t heard?" he said with a smirk, "Namjoon had her moved to the attic."

The boys exchanged a knowing look.

Yoongi whistled softly, "You’re joking."

“I wish,” Tae replied.

Then, with a sly grin, Jimin added, "Well, someone’s going to be happy about that."

The three of them chuckled together, sharing a moment of amusement that. Y/N didn’t quite understand what they could possibly mean, yet she felt little inclination to probe further.

“Alright,” Yoongi suddenly said, rising to his feet with a glance at his phone. “I’d love to stay and have tea with you ladies, but I’m afraid I got some business to attend to,” he added, a slight smirk playing on his lips. “You know the drill, ord—”

“Orders are orders?” Y/N interjected, her eyebrow arched in defiance.

Yoongi paused to look at her, a hint of respect flickering in his eyes. “I like her,” he stated to his friends, before heading towards the door.

« Wait, are you going to the vault ?” Taehyung asked, suddenly up on his feet like a puppy eager for a walk.

“I am,” Yoongi confirmed. “You’re not.”

“But Hyung—” Taehyung started to protest.

“You’ve got a job here; can’t leave the girl alone, can you?” Yoongi cut him off, nodding towards Y/N.

Taehyung paused for a moment, before quickly turning his attention to Jimin, who already knew what was coming. “Jimin-ssi,” he began tenderly.

"No.” Jimin cut him off,

“-Please, » Taehyung insisted, "I’ll be super quick.”

But Jimin didn’t look convinced. “It’s gonna take more than that,” he said, leaning back in his chair with a content smirk.

Exhaling in frustration, Taehyung negotiated, “I’ll take your training shifts for a month.”

“Four,” Jimin countered without missing a beat.

“Three?” Taehyung bargained.

“Deal,” Jimin agreed finally.

Grinning triumphantly, Taehyung leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on Jimin’s head before hurrying out the door. Y/N watched the scene from the corner of her eye, slightly taken aback by the easy camaraderie among the boys, a stark contrast to the rigid hierarchy and stern discipline that characterized her own clan.

The room settled into an uneasy silence after Taehyung’s departure, the echo of the door shutting marking a palpable shift in the atmosphere.

Y/N returned her attention to her book, the quiet only disrupted by the occasional rustle of pages turning. Jimin watched her for a moment before finally breaking the stillness.

“It’s a little on the nose, don’t you think?” he commented, a slight smirk playing on his lips as he nodded towards the cover of the book in her hands.

The Count of Monte Cristo.

“Subtlety isn’t my forte,” Y/N responded without looking up, her voice even and composed.

Jimin chuckled softly, the sound lightening the mood. "What a refined way to make a point," he mused, settling more comfortably into his chair.

“Everyone loves a good escape story,” she remarked, “Vengeance and all.”

“Is that what you’re doing?” Jimin frowned in amusement, “Picking up some tips?”

Y/N finally looked up to meet his gaze steadily, "Ravens don't need tips when it comes to revenge," she countered, her tone lightly mocking. "Besides, had it been the case, I would've opted for something a little- bloodier,” she added thoughtfully. “Some Greek tragedy, perhaps."

Jimin's eyes narrowed slightly as he considered her words, a flicker of intrigue passing over his features. The idea seemed to both alarm and amuse him.

"Now, if you don’t mind," Y/N concluded, turning her attention back to her book with a definitive air.

However, words from their previous encounter lingered in her mind, unresolved. Distracted, it seemed the words she was reading might as well have been in French. After a moment, she gave in, her eyes drifting from the page to meet Jimin's once again. Her gaze was intense, laden with unspoken questions.

"What is it?" Jimin asked, noticing the change in her demeanor.

She wondered whether she should bring it up. "You said something," she began slowly, recalling the unsettling moment before she’d been dragged to meet Namjoon. "Back in the basement."

"I remember," he acknowledged, his voice steady.

The memory was sharp in her mind: his grip firm on her, fingers pressing into her jaw uncomfortably. "You may not remember my face," he had said, "but I certainly haven't forgotten yours, little bird."

She drew a deep breath, maintaining her composure. "I might have been playing a part down there, but my answer was honest," she stated clearly. "I don’t remember ever meeting you before."

“I’m not surprised,” he replied, a slight smirk appearing as he crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.

Y/N's eyes, sharp and ever observant, caught a glimpse of something on his forearm. The fabric of his slightly rolled-up sleeve had shifted just enough to reveal it—a mark all too familiar to her.

It was the raven scar, the very same that marked the completion of the rigorous initiation within the Park clan. It was unmistakable, a sign of trials endured and loyalties bound.

He noticed her stare and followed her gaze to his arm.

"Y-you—" Y/N began, her voice faltering.

"I’m not a spy," Jimin quickly interjected, reading the suspicion in her eyes. "If that’s what you’re thinking."

"But- that’s—" she managed to say.

"I know what it is. » Jimin paused casually, “I did have to do it myself, after all." He nodded towards her own arm, acknowledging the similar mark that she bore. "Just as you had to do yours," he added, locking eyes with her.

Y/N unconsciously ran her finger along her own scar, tracing the line that symbolized so much more than just membership. She stared at him, clearly confused.

“Listen," he continued, “if you need to know anything, it’s that, far as I’m concerned, this ,” he casually pulled aside his collar to reveal the tattoo of the Kim clan emblazoned on his skin “is the only true mark of allegiance I bear.”

"But you..." Y/N began cautiously, glancing around as though fearful of being overheard.

"You can say it out loud” Jimin said casually, “it’s common knowledge around here.”

"You used to be a raven, then?" she asked directly.

Jimin smirked, mischief coloring his expression. "Well, kind of,” he confessed. “I guess I never technically completed the induction."

YN's brow furrowed in confusion. It was unheard of for Raven pledges to back out. In fact, it- never happened. You either got in, or you died trying. Suddenly, a memory clicked into place.

"The farmer boy," she murmured aloud, her voice tinged with realization.

His eyes met hers, and he flashed a knowing smirk. "In the flesh."

She remembered now. She must have been twelve at the time. A pledge, no older than 15, had vanished on the night of his induction. The clan had sent a whole militia to search for him, but the boy had disappeared without leaving a single trace. They assumed he’d somehow gotten himself killed.

"You didn’t have blonde hair back then," she observed.

"Yeah, well, a fugitive does what he must to survive," Jimin replied, running a hand through his platinum locks. "But I reckon it suits me, don't you agree?"

YN, still contemplating, ignored his remark. “They never did figure out what happened to you," she noted.

"It’s simple, really. I just made a break for it—headed south- well, as far south as my busted shoes would take me,” Jimin explained, “Ended up in Seoul.”

His voice took on a reflective tone as he thought back to those early days. It had been a daily struggle, filled with petty thefts and back-alley skirmishes. Things were rough, but nothing compared to the grim fate that awaited him up North.

That was until a significant encounter had changed everything. He vividly recalled the moment a black-haired boy with a distinctive tattoo on his neck had noticed him during a street fight, knife in hand, moving as if it were merely an extension of his body. The boy, though slightly younger than Jimin, had watched him defend himself with a calculated interest, a smirk slowly forming on his lips.

Impressed, he had approached Jimin immediately after the scuffle, casually extending an unexpected offer for food and shelter against some- off the books labor.

“And just like that," Jimin snapped his fingers, his eyes lighting up with the recollection, "my new chapter began."

“So, you’re telling me the Kims just— took you in?” she scoffed in disbelief. “Do they even know you’re a northern traitor?”

“Are you kidding? It’s my edge," Jimin countered with a hint of amusement. "They don’t get trained fighters like me on every street corner, not to mention my knowledge of the Park clan can always come in handy, especially in times like these.”

YN's expression hardened slightly at his words.

“So, you're a snitch” she shot back sharply, her disdain clear. “Surprised you didn’t join the rats. »

 “Oh, come on, give me a break,” Jimin rolled his eyes at the insult. “Like you’re one to talk about loyalty? Didn’t you take off right after your fa—”

“I didn’t take off,” she snapped back, cutting him off sharply. Clearly, he had touched a sensitive nerve.

“What would you call it then?” Jimin pressed.

“I—” Y/N began, her voice faltering as she caught herself, the raw edge of her emotions nearly breaking through. She quickly regained her composure, straightening her posture as she held his gaze. “I don’t owe you any explanation,” she stated firmly, though Jimin noticed the white-knuckled grip she had on her book.

Jimin nonchalantly picked up his cup of tea, the steam curling lightly above it as he spoke. "Rumor has it you didn’t even make it to the funeral," he remarked, taking a casual sip. The observation was pointed, and he watched closely as Y/N's jaw clenched.

He had caught wind of it. After all, the news had echoed through the underworld back then, a tantalizing piece of gossip for those in the know. Park Sanghoon, the formidable leader of the Park clan and Y/N's father, had taken his last breath. Of course, his only son Jaebeom had been there to take over the operations; still, his daughter’s abrupt disappearance at such a critical juncture had been nothing short of an oddity.

The room fell into a heavy silence, the air thick with unspoken words. After a moment, Jimin set down his cup and met her eyes with a level gaze. "I would say I’m sorry,” he started, pausing deliberately, “about his passing, I mean."

YN's throat moved visibly as she swallowed, her face a mask of controlled emotions.

"But I’m really not," Jimin continued, his voice dropping slightly. "And I have a feeling you’re not that sorry either."

At his words, Y/N shot to her feet, her movements sharp and sudden, fists clenched at her sides. Her body radiated animosity, but a trace of something else flickered in her eyes.

"You don’t know shit," she spat before storming towards the door.

Jimin let out a heavy sigh. “You can’t just walk off on your own,” he called after her.

“Call the cops,” she snapped back, her voice echoing as she strode through the hall, her back stiff with defiance, "see what they have to say about it."

--

Hope you liked it. If some of you are intrigued or interested in finding out more, don't hesitate to interact and I'll start posting some more chapters! Also questions and remarks and feedback are welcome xxx

Some of you may be wondering when our second lead will appear... Well, fear not, for the smell of fresh kookies is coming from the kitchen I'm cooking in today.

Chapter 6

Masterlist

Taglist

@princess-sunshyn

@loumin908

[cat3ch1sm]

Okay so this has been on my mind for a few days and when I saw your requests were open I just KNEW I had to ask!

(Also I adore your fics and hope you're doing well. Remember to take care of yourself :D)

Onto the request!

Can I get a fic/drabble about what L would do if Light started slightly harrassing/bullying L's partner? Like even if Light was being mean about stupid stuff like where they put papers or how they always sit really close to L, for example (Light might be a lil jealous if you wanna add that?)

Anyways thank you for your time and I totally understand if this makes you uncomfortable in any way (^v^)

🕯~ hello, my dear, im so sorry for the wait :((( thanks so much for being patient, i love u @multi-write

🕰~ watched death note today so im newly inspired 😁 im gonna set this in the yotsuba arc, when they are finding out Kira’s killings are related to yotsuba:) also, nothing here is directly quotes from the manga, i just made up the dialogue

⋇⊶⊰📺⊱⊷⋇ gender neutral reader

✧༺💚༻∞

“So, Light- you’re entirely sure that the Kira that has appeared recently is someone affiliated with the Yotsuba Group?”

It was just you, L, and Light in the dimly lit room, illuminated only by the screens of a dozen monitors in front of your group. You and Light stood at one computer, observing the long list of the usual criminals Kira had been killing along with a good mix of business executives- an out of character move for the Kira the task force was familiar with.

Light sighed, a dubious expression on his face. “I can’t be one hundred percent certain- but that’s what it looks like. The names that don’t belong to criminals on this list belong to officials of almost every surrounding business in the area- but there are no names belonging to any of the higher-ups from Yotsuba.”

“That’s true,” you added, moving over to L and leaning over his body to point at the monitor right next to him. “And if you look at this live line graph containing the revenue that each of these businesses is gaining, it’s obvious the Yotsuba’s group is way up while the other corporations are clearly suffering.”

“Yeah, Y/N, we can see that.” Light joined you and L in front of the monitor, handcuffs clanking; you on one side of the detective’s swivel chair and him on the other and L in between you both. “There’s no need for you to bend over Ryuzaki like that.”

You looked over at Light, brow furrowed, and L glanced in his direction as well before both of you decided to brush it off. L ‘s arm wrapped around your hips as he opened his mouth to talk, drawing a noticeable scoff from Light, which again he chose to ignore. “The both of you are quite sharp- and judging by the rest of this data, Light’s conclusion is a safe one. We seem to have pinpointed Kira again- and this time, we cannot afford to lose him.” He let out a deep breath, eyes narrowing in thought. “So I suppose our next course of action would be to gain material evidence of this- perhaps an infiltration may be necessary. But that is something that would require the help of everyone here.” L turned to look up at you. “Y/N, would you mind calling the rest of the task force upstairs? No sense in both Light and I going down there cuffed together like this.”

“Alright. I’ll be right back.” You let a hand brush L’s shoulder passing him, but when you walked by Light, his shoulder suddenly blocked your path and made you bump into him, causing you to stumble backward.

You shot Light an beseeching look, clutching your upper arm while Light kept his eyes averted to one side, his expression stony. Finally, L turned around, a questioning expression on his face as he looked from you to Light and then back to you.

“Light- is there an issue?”

Light seemed surprised as he turned his gaze down to meet L’s eyes. “Not at all. Why do you ask?”

“Then I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t purposely knock into Y/N.” The curious expression L had before was gone, replaced by a more serious one. “And don’t think I failed to notice your attitude towards them earlier. I’m not sure if there’s something going on that I’m unaware of, but let’s keep it out of the Kira investigation, shall we?” His tone was deadpan and monotone, his gray eyes burning into Light’s, finally forcing the other man to look away. “Sure,” Light replied gruffly, his eyes flicking in your direction. You avoided meeting his gaze as you simply stepped away from Light and made your way downstairs.

𝒾 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓊, 𝒾 𝒽𝑜𝓅𝑒 𝓊 𝑒𝓃𝒿𝑜𝓎𝑒𝒹 <𝟥

[kamikotorayama391]

Kamiko's commissions (summer 2023)

HELLO~ BEAUTIES AND GENTLEBEAUTIES~ I'm opening some comm slots. How many? I don't really know. When I have enough for me to work in 2-3 maybe 4 weeks, I'll close it. If you want to commission me something, text me in DM or my Discord (torayama_kamiko or Kamiko391#0846)

I draw: - fandom-based characters (anime and manga, animation, TV series, books, comics, and so on); - original characters; - fan characters; - animals, anthro; - blood, some wounds

I DON'T draw: - any politics-themed art: - fetish art (any kind of it); - ecchi/hentai; - NSFW (if you still really want to - +50% to the price tag); - Mecha (I’m bad at it) - pony.

General requirements:

A detailed description of the desired result (poses, expressions, and so on). I will write if further explanations are needed.

3 or 4 character references. I might need more (We’ll specify when placing an order)

If the background (if it will be) is a certain place – 1-2 background references

If there are any time limits – warn me in advance

If you do not live by Moscow time, please, tell me your current time and what time is the most convenient for you to talk

Additional characters: 1-3 additional characters +50% 4-6 additional characters +100%

About work time - depends on the complexity of the commission. If there is a deadline, please let me know in advance. The set time may change for various reasons; in case of an unexpected situation, I will notify.

Working process:

1) After placing an order, I start working on a quick sketch that will roughly show what the result will be. Once the sketch is approved, a 50% prepayment is made.

2) In the process of working on the commission, I will send the results of each stage

3) Before finishing the artwork, I send you the commission in reduced quality and with a watermark. If you are satisfied with the result, you pay the rest of the price. As soon as the money arrives, I send the result in high quality.

If you decide to cancel the commission, I keep 30% of the total cost with me as a refund for the work already done. The rest will be returned to you (even if it may be difficult for me, since, uh, I don’t have an international wallet right now….)

The finished artwork may be posted on my blog as a way of self-promotion as an artist. If you’d rather keep it private, please, notify me in advance.

All prices are in USD

Payment method: via Boosty (more information in this video ) Payment in USD is available now, so you don't need to ask me to re-count the sum in my currency

Some rules to avoid copyright conflicts: 1) If something does not suit you in the commission, don't be shy to tell me so that I can definitely fix it in no time. Until the result satisfies you by 85-100 percent, and the full payment has not been made, I will polish and change the drawing to suit your wishes. 2) Do not request me to redo someone else's work if you are not satisfied with the result provided to you by your other artist. I don't want any conflicts with other creators, I just want to do my job in peace and do what I love. In case of any copyright problems, I will be the first one who has to deal up with the mess, not you. So please don’t. 3) I allow to use my art as references or even a base for your work, but try to avoid direct copying or tracing. Wait at least a month before trying something of this. Try not to use any commissioned artworks for these purposes (if it's not a commissioned reference image or a reference list of course).

[sashkapi]

Kindall headcanons?

Oh, you want me to become an unskipable cutscene? /j

Kskfkksf ok, I put some of them before they would start dating

1. Already said that but Kick does likes getting Kendall's attention, so he sometimes messes with her on purpose and then denies it as "well, I mess with her because I don't like her"

2. Kendall, who usually comes first to the school, opens windows in some classes. She tells teachers it's because she wants some fresh air, but also there's a certain someone who doesn't respect doors as an entrance point and she kinda doesn't like seeing him hurt.

3. Their bickering sometimes goes into such a ridiculous territories. Why on earth someone like them would get into a heated argument about koalas?

They want to talk to each other and are used to doing so that way, that's why.

4. Speaking of which, their bickering is also their way of flirting. If you don't pay attention you won't notice, but it is somewhat obvious.

5. While Kendall does get scary when she's angry, she also hates when in that state she is not taken seriously. Kick started pretending that he likes when she's mad to piss her off even more.

And then he actually started liking it.

6. Kendall once mentioned that a lot of science related problems could be used as stunt prep and Kick now has no problems with math/physics/geometry. She teases him about the fact that she is so good at academics that she basically tutored him without tutoring him at all.

7. Gunther and Mouth are the only two people that know that Kick and Kendall are crushing on each other. Gunther doesn't interviene because he respects Kick as his friend and is wary of Kendall. Mouth on the other hand? That prick enjoys the drama and Kendall kinda has a lot of incriminating info on his shady deals so he has to keep his mouth shut.

8. There are some detentions Kick got that were unexpectedly cut short. Guess who's doing is this.

9. Some of Rock Callahan's films are based on books. Whenever there's a trailer for a movie based on a book she red, Kendall would tease Kick about spoiling it (she does that to Gunther sometimes too)

10. Whenever Kick has a grandiose stunt to do that attracts a crowd, he (unconsciously) would look for Kendall in that crowd. Boy is in a denial, but he still wants to impress her the best way he knows how.

11. After some time Kick started calling Kendall "Kends" occasionally, which gets on her nerves. If she refuses to call him by his nickname - he will give her one.

12. Kick and Gunther have a "Stunt book" - a journal they use to write ideas that they can't execute right here and now or use it for calculating speed, angles, sizes for ramps ect. Both of them doodle in that journal too. Of course among Kick's doodles there's drawings of a certain bratty rule-loving girl. He erases them most of the time but Gunther already knows so Kick mostly does it to keep lying to himself about his growing fondness of said brat.

13. Since they do fight verbally a lot, they also do seriously hurt each other feelings sometimes. Whenever Kick is hurt he becomes cold and bitterly direct towards Kendall and doesn't engage in their fights if Kendall tries to initiate them. When Kendall is hurt she straight up ignores his existence and if she has to talk to him out of necessity - she becomes so overly polite that it's creepy.

14. Adding onto previous, the ways they "apologize": Kendall would genuinely ask Kick if he's ok/hurt physically even if it isn't obvious that he was doing anything dangerous and "somewhat" compliment him like "You have to think about your safety too, even if your stunts are breathtaking I guess", while Kick would ask her to help him a bit with academics even if he doesn't need it, like asking her how to memorize history dates and names quicker or what was the themes of the novel that they had to read for literature and genuinely thanking her when she (while being creepily polite) helps him. It's not the best way, but at this point they are just not ready to communicate properly.

15. Based on my "Kendall writes adventure/romance novels in secret" hc: she unconsciously tends to make male leads in her stories danger-loving and stoic-y. She herself actually haven't noticed.

16. Kick thinks Kendall is beautiful. The thing is: he doesn't realize that it's just him. He really thinks that she IS beautiful when in reality others think that she is just "okay" by beauty standards. This can lead to an exchanges like

Kick: Of course that bratty teacher's pet has pretty privilege >:(

Gunther: She does?

Kick: What do you mean? Look at her! She does!

Gunther:... no she doesn't?

Ok. I have to stop myself or I'll be here the whole day, but yeah

I have an ask in my inbox that will be sorta like part 2 for this ehehehehehe

[no-brain-just-akutagawa]

A quick analysis of the new official artwork

Who would've expected haha Time for my first analysis of this year! As always, more underneath the cut ^^

To begin with, Fyodor and Dazai look beautiful here. I’m especially enchanted by Fyodor, because as far as I’m concerned it’s the first time we’ve seen him in colour while he’s wearing his usual outfit, but not his hat and he looks absolutely stunning. I’ve been wishing for a depiction like this and my wishes have been heard. He looks so comfy, I’m jealous. This time his shirt is also a turtleneck and now I have a theory that the shirt is for spring/summer and the turtleneck is for autumn/winter. Dazai of course looks beautiful as well, and I always appreciate it when Harukawa draws his shirt with details such as buttons.

My next observation is concering the screens. They’re obviously meant to represent the prison screens and who’s on whose side. On Fyodor’s side we have Nikolai who has this cheeky smile on his face that reminds me of that time when he asked Fyodor if he already had a plan, but it’s also a very typical facial expression for him, so I wouldn’t pay too much attention to that. Underneath we have Chuuya who has this eyes averted and I think it’s partially because he’s a vampire and partially because he’s not actually on Fyodor’s side. On Dazai’s side we have only one person and that’s Sigma who’s not having the best time.

For the 3 remaining screens I want to start with the 2 on Dazai’s side, because the top one shows a room being targeted and it’s most likely the drowning room as I like to call it (the room where Chuuya and Fyodor are currently drowning) and the bottom one is broken. Now, the broken screen could symbolize many things such as Chuuya leaving his side, but personally I think it’s meant to symbolize Oda who was Dazai’s biggest ally and is now dead therefore he cannot physically impact the outcome any further and can’t switch sides. Both Sigma and Chuuya have switched sides (whether willingly is not important right now), so a broken screen representing Chuuya would mean he can’t come back to Dazai side, but that’s still possible.

I find Fyodor’s top screen more intriguing, because it looks as if it was hacked. It displays the letter R (which may stands for Rats, but also for something entirely different), has 3 stripes (and we have 3 doa members present in Meursault now) and blue and yellow colours, which were probably chosen for the aesthetic purposes, but thise are also the colours of the Ukrainian flag and Nikolai is Ukrainian, so it could be a possible reference if Nikolai plays a really big role in this arc. There’s also one more think I’d like to mention and it’s the black markings on the screen. The top one definitely reminds me of an eye, which is a nice symbol for being observed and the 4 of them are being recorded on CCTV. There’s a possibility of someone who we haven’t met watching them as well. Unfortunately the rest of shapes don’t remind me of anything, but if anyone has any ideas what they could symbolize, I’d love to read them!

Another interesting thing is the yellow line, and it’s a really short point of mine, because it simply reminds me of blood and cutting throat, because of the way it’s drawn and positioned. It runes from one side to the other, connecting the two sides and it’s located directed over Fyodor’s and Dazai’s throats. It could be a strong of fate too, but as we know I always think of the most morbid possibilities first haha

Next thing I’d like to mention are the black creatures in the background. Personally I have 2 theories. The first one is that they’re butterflies, which symbolize rebirth and in the context of bsd being save from death’s door. Them being present could suggest Fyodor and Chuuya surving the drowning room even if that seems impossible, escaping the certain death. My other idea is that they’re moths and moths are known as creatures of the night, so it would fit this eerie picture. Also if butterflies symbolize life, moths could be used as a symbolism of death, and I find this implication interesting since in bsd’s context it could mean a sudden death when someone seems safe. In this case, my bet would be Sigma dying in this arc despite not being a target. But who knows.

Now, let’s look at the bottom of the picture where there are hands reaching out to the two characters. I find it a bit ironic, because both Dazai and Fyodor are known for using their abilities through hands, but not necessarily in a good way. Dazai’s ability nullifies other abilities and Fyodor can kill through touch, so they’re not really people one would want to touch. I wonder if those gestures appeared in the manga beforehand, but I’d have to make an extensive research to try and figure this out, because it first glance they don’t remind me of any particular scenes.

Lastly, there’s the tree in the background that seems like it was taken out of the horror movie. The branches, the tied strings, it all created a spooky vibe, and with the context of the yellow line, I’d also add that it could be a hanging tree.

In conclusion

This is without a doubt one of my favourite official artworks. It looks quite scary for the standards of bsd and it makes it even better. I love how characters are positioned, that Dazai, Nikolai and Sigma look directly at the viewer, and Fyodor looks somewhere else (something very characteristic for him to always be scheming), it created a nice effect and will look gorgeous in print. It has this feeling of symmetry, while also not being perfectly symetrical and that’s something that always brings me joy. Oh, and I also aboslutely adore the colours used here, I nearly forgot to add that haha

[kjack89]

Back to Where We Started (Chap. 2/?)

The E/R Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU continues. Read Part 1 here (tumblr | AO3)

Modern AU, established E/R.

Three Years Later

The village president heaved a sigh so loud that it actually caused feedback on the shoddy microphone system set up in Village Hall. “The Board recognizes Mr. Smith for public comment,” he said with a reluctance usually reserved for someone agreeing to a root canal. 

Enjolras stood to head up to the podium, but before he could even inch away from his seat, a board member raised her hand. “Mr. President,” she said shrilly, “I would like to remind the speaker that public comment is limited to three minutes per speaker.”

She had the audacity to smirk at him, and Enjolras ground his teeth together as he glared at her. He was well aware of the rules, especially since the so-called ‘Smith Rules’ had been voted into effect only the prior year, and only after he had successfully filibustered the village board into not renewing an entirely unnecessary TIF district.

Of course, he was also well aware that the local ordinance on public comment was in direct violation of state statute, just as he was equally well aware that he had no ability to fight it lest he do the exact opposite of his intended purpose and draw attention to himself.

After three years, Enjolras was fairly certain that this was his personal hell.

Still, he took a deep breath and forced his expression into something slightly less murderous as he stepped up to the microphone. “Good evening,” he said. “Four days ago, the village library board of trustees voted in a meeting that was not advertised to the public – in violation of the Open Meetings Act, I would add – to remove a number of books from the shelves without any public input. These books—”

“Mr. Smith,” the village president interrupted, sounding bored, “if you have an issue with the library board, you should take it to the library board.”

Enjolras gritted his teeth and counted to five in his head before continuing, “As much as I would love to take it to the library board, that board has implemented even more draconian rules when it comes to public comment, including submitting a request to comment five days in advance and then subsequently denying such requests. Therefore, I would like to use my time here to make sure the public record reflects—”

He was again interrupted, this time by a different board member. “Motion to table public comment,” he said.

Enjolras’s scowl deepened. “You can’t table public comment—”

“Seconded,” another board member said.

“All those in favor?” the village president said quickly, before Enjolras could say anything else. He didn’t even wait for any of the board members to speak. “The ayes have it and public comment is tabled. Turning now to our committee reports…”

Planning how to best simultaneously firebomb the entire village board’s houses using nothing but common household goods was the only thing that kept Enjolras from losing his entire mind on the drive home. 

Grantaire glanced up when Enjolras stomped inside. “I’d ask how it went, but…”

Enjolras snorted and flopped down on the couch. “I think putting bamboo shoots under my fingernails would be preferable,” he said dryly.

Grantaire nodded. “Want me to take your mind off of it?” he offered.

Enjolras sighed, considering it for a moment. “Yeah, ok.”

“You know,” Grantaire said about twenty minutes later as he looked for wherever he had tossed his boxers on the living room floor, “if it bothers you that much, you can always just not go.”

Enjolras propped himself up on his elbow, frowning. “What?”

“I’m just saying,” Grantaire said with a shrug, tugging his jeans on. “You don’t have to go to every single village board, library board, school board, whatever the fuck board meeting in this town.”

Enjolras stared at him. “But then how will things get better?” 

Grantaire gave him a look. “You tell me.”

Now Enjolras sat up, his frown deepening into a scowl. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Just…” Grantaire sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “You’ve been doing this for how long now? And has anything gotten demonstrably better?” Enjolras opened his mouth to respond but Grantaire beat him to it. “And don’t give me that, the arc of the moral universe thing—”

“Yes, Dr. King is generally fairly difficult to argue against, so I can understand why you wouldn’t want me to bring that up,” Enjolras said coolly.

Once upon a time, this would have devolved into an argument, the kind that had them shouting at each other and usually ended with them fucking on the floor until one or both of them had rug burn. Now, Grantaire just shrugged his shirt on and buttoned it with nimble fingers. “Anyway,” he said, “I’m gonna go order food. The usual?”

“Yeah,” Enjolras said, a little dully. “The usual.”

Grantaire nodded and headed into the kitchen and Enjolras got up off the couch, grabbing his own clothes and putting them on mechanically, his mind elsewhere. 

Mainly on continuing the argument he and Grantaire should’ve been having in his head. Where he always won, of course, though it wasn’t nearly as satisfying this way.

He started to follow Grantaire to the kitchen but paused in the hallway in front of one of Grantaire’s photos, blown up and framed. It was one of Enjolras’s favorites, a close up of an elephant sloshing through mud, and a sudden memory popped in his head, unbidden.

Grantaire pressed a kiss between Enjolras’s shoulder blades as they lay tangled in the sheets in their hotel room in Nairobi. “What are you thinking?”

“Mostly that what we just did could get us sentenced to jail,” Enjolras told him.

Grantaire laughed lightly, reaching down to lace his fingers with Enjolras’s. “Yeah, but it was worth it, right?” He didn’t wait for an answer, trailing kisses up Enjolras’s neck until Enjolras turned over to kiss him properly. “But I don’t think our committing illegal acts of sodomy is the only thing on your mind.”

It hadn’t even been two days and Grantaire already knew him better than anyone in a long time, and Enjolras sighed, scratching his fingernails lightly across Grantaire’s stubble. “It’s not,” he admitted, “but what I’m about to say is going to sound stupid in comparison.”

Grantaire turned his head to brush a kiss across Enjolras’s palm. “Try me.”

“This whole time that I’ve been in Africa, I never got to see an elephant.”

“Seriously?” Grantaire said with a light laugh, though his expression softened when he saw the look on Enjolras’s face. “I’m sorry. That’s not stupid.”

“You say after laughing,” Enjolras grumbled.

Grantaire leaned in and kissed him, slow and sweet. “How about this?” he said softly. “I’ll bring you back to Africa one day, and we’ll see all kinds of elephants.”

It was a ridiculous thing for anyone to say after only two days, but for some reason, Enjolras couldn’t find it in himself to make fun of him. “Ok,” he said instead. “That sounds like a plan.”

But they never had made it back to Africa, or anywhere else for that matter. Combeferre had seen to that, in perhaps some kind of extremely thorough retribution for Enjolras going just slightly rogue.

He had seen Combeferre exactly once since returning stateside three years prior, on the day he and Grantaire went to fill out the paperwork for their marriage license, when Combeferre had brought him a driver’s license, and nothing else.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” Enjolras asked, almost insulted, as he squinted at the driver’s license Combeferre had just handed him.

“Nothing,” Combeferre told him, unusually dry. “That’s sort of the point.”

Enjolras frowned at him. “You’re not even going to give me a passport?”

Combeferre just gave him a look. “I give you a passport and at the first sign of anything exciting happening in some country halfway around the globe, you’ll be gone, defeating the entire purpose of this little exercise.”

He was right, of course, not that Enjolras would ever admit that. “So, what, I’m just stuck here for the rest of my life?”

“Only for the next three to five years.”

Combeferre didn’t say it harshly but Enjolras still flinched, the reality of what faced him hitting for perhaps the first time and settling like dread in the pit of his stomach. “But what am I supposed to do for the next three to five years that’s actually worthwhile?”

For the first time that morning, Combeferre looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh, or at least smile. “Have you ever heard the expression ‘act locally, think globally’?”

Enjolras stared at him, incredulous. “You want me to change the world from here?”

“No,” Combeferre said honestly, “but I suspect you’re going to try regardless.” He fixed Enjolras with a stern look. “Just as long as nothing you do gets absolutely any media attention outside of this town, county at the most, you’ll be fine.”

“Do you have any idea—” Enjolras started hotly, but Combeferre cut him off.

“This was your idea,” he said, matching Enjolras’s tone. “Don’t blame me for trying to make sure it gets executed properly.” He paused, giving Enjolras a searching look before adding, deliberately casual, “Unless you no longer want to go through with this.”

Enjolras’s stubbornness more than anything kept him from admitting that he’d been thinking just that. “I didn’t say that.”

Something flickered in Combeferre’s expression, and he shrugged and looked away. “Fine,” he said. “Then if you do want to go through with this, this is how you do it. You stay here, you keep your head down, and you don’t draw any attention to yourself.”

Enjolras swallowed and nodded. “Fine,” he said, tucking the fake driver’s license into his pocket. “Then I’ll see you in three to five years, I guess.”

But of course, all of that was easier said than done, and not just because dealing with the village board and all the other nominally elected boards in the village were enough to drive Enjolras to drink the way that Grantaire did. There was also the small matter of Grantaire, who had apparently taken his promise to take Enjolras back to Africa seriously.

They had spent much of the first few weeks of their marriage lying in bed next to each other, Enjolras’s head pillowed on Grantaire’s chest as Grantaire enthusiastically told Enjolras all of the places that he planned on taking him for their honeymoon, or on vacation.

And every time, Enjolras would demur, or hedge, or make up some reason why now was really not a good time. Until, on the fifth time Enjolras had suggested that they should instead reupholster the living room furniture, Grantaire had rubbed a soothing hand down Enjolras’s arm.

“I just want you to know,” he said, his voice quiet, “I understand, and I want to try to help you.”

Enjolras frowned, rolling onto his side to look up at him. “What do you understand?”

“Your PTSD,” Grantaire said, and Enjolras stared blankly at him. “I wish I had put it together sooner, but…that’s why you don’t want to leave, because of what happened in Burundi.”

“No, that’s not—” Enjolras cut himself off and pushed himself away from Grantaire, his blood inexplicably pounding in his ears. “I don’t have PTSD.”

Grantaire watched him with something wary in his expression. “Ok,” he said, though he didn’t sound like he believed Enjolras even remotely. “Just know that I’m here for you, in whatever way you need me to be, and for however long it takes.”

But it hadn’t taken long for Grantaire to stop asking altogether, and as their life together settled into a well-worn and, to Enjolras at least, miserable pattern, the gulf between them had grown to the point where they might as well have been in separate countries, if not continents. Enjolras spent most of his time on his computer or phone; Grantaire spent most of his time at work or in his dark room he’d set up in the garden shed; and neither of them said anything to fill the space between them.

Maybe that was just how marriage was supposed to go.

“Food’ll be here in twenty,” Grantaire said, breaking his reverie so suddenly that Enjolras flinched, startled. Grantaire frowned slightly, his brow furrowing. “What are you doing?”

Enjolras jerked a shrug. “Just looking at this picture,” he said, before throwing caution to the wind and asking, “Do you remember promising to take me back to Africa?”

Grantaire’s eyes slid to the picture then away again, his expression unchanged. “Yeah,” he said shortly, before telling Enjolras, “Don’t forget, I have an early start tomorrow morning.”

“Right.” Grantaire nodded and started to brush past him but Enjolras reached out, grabbing his arm. “Grantaire, wait. I—”

He broke off as Grantaire looked back at him, something almost pained in his expression. “What?”

Enjolras’s throat felt tight, and he shook his head. “Never mind,” he said. “Food’ll be here in twenty?”

Grantaire nodded again. “Yeah.”

“The usual?”

“Yeah.”

After three years of marriage, what was even left to say?

— — — — —

Enjolras woke up the next morning alone in bed, and it took him a moment to remember what Grantaire had said about having an early start. He rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, trying to summon the motivation to get out of bed for yet another day of the same exact thing.

Without warning, he heard the shrill sound of his cell phone ringing, and he heaved a sigh, turning onto his side to reach for his phone on his nightstand. 

But that phone was silent, its screen black, even as the piercing ring continued, and Enjolras was suddenly reminded of the only other thing Combeferre had given him.

“Here,” he said, a little gruffly, handing over a small black flip-phone. “Paid for in cash, entirely untraceable. Use it if there’s ever an emergency.”

Enjolras scrambled out of bed, dropping to the floor to paw through the storage bins under the bed until he found the phone in question, plugged in underneath the bed where he’d put it almost three years ago. 

With trembling fingers, he opened the phone and held it up to his ear. “What happened?”

“Good to hear your voice, too,” Combeferre said, and Enjolras allowed himself about thirty seconds of smiling at the automatic relief of hearing his best friend and partner-in-crime’s voice after so long.

“It is,” he said. “Good to hear your voice, I mean, but I don’t think you called just because of that.”

“I didn’t,” Combeferre confirmed, suddenly serious. “Someone leaked a number of top secret documents relating to foreign, namely American, interference in Burundi.”

Enjolras went very still. “With Lamarque?”

“Yeah,” Combeferre said. “The documents included a redacted file on Lamarque’s killer.”

Enjolras stood instantly, his heart pounding. “Then it’s go time,” he said. “Three years are long enough for the moral universe. Time to get some justice on our own terms.”

“Enjolras,” Combeferre said, something strange in his voice, “the documents were leaked.”

“So?”

“So someone wanted us to find them. Counted on us finding them.”

Enjolras shook his head, not following where Combeferre was going with this. “And?” he said impatiently.

“And I need you to remember that,” Combeferre said, his voice low. “Whatever was released was deliberately chosen by someone and leaked in such a way that they knew we’d find it. That you’d find it. And they had a reason for doing so.”

“Combeferre what—”

“It was Grantaire.” 

Combeferre delivered the words with solemnity, like he was dropping a bomb onto Enjolras’s life, and Enjolras paused, trying to understand what he was saying, and what Grantaire could possibly have to do with any of this. “What was Grantaire?”

Combeferre took a deep breath. “Grantaire killed General Lamarque.”

>>Read Part 3 Here>>

[thesherrinfordfacility]

does aziraphale understand suffering?

i spent quite a while last night thinking about this topic following reading this thought-provoking analysis from @lstarart which, as the first bit indicates, early-days aziraphale only understood what it is to suffer in the abstract when it has a direct link to whether or not someone is Good (summarising very poorly!). nonetheless, i thought perhaps the concept of suffering according to aziraphale might need exploring a little further.

(warning: very long post - frankly it's just self indulgent)

suffering from lack of self-worth

one of the most heartbreaking moments in s2 for me is when in ep6 it seems that shax has a penchant for driving right at the heart of insecurity. she demonstrates this with maggie and the insult she directs at her, which to me acts somewhat as a parallel for crowley, culminating in the line “you are unloved, and unlovable. you’re nobody, and you’ll live - and you’ll die - a nobody.” now first of all - crowley isn’t there to hear it, and so only the audience can draw this as a narrative parallel. second - maggie’s reaction is to rise up to meet shax, and fight fire with fire; she looks first back at nina, perhaps for conviction or strength, says to the demons, “my god, you lot are pathetic.”, and appears instead to own those insecurities and refuse to be ashamed of them.

but then shax later turns her attention on aziraphale, who doesn't have that same conviction nor bolster from crowley being physically present, and shax directly drives at the heart of things about him of which he ought to be ashamed. we’ve always seen these elements of aziraphale as being the most lovable parts of him, and are what makes him the enigmatic and dynamic character that he is. however, as is hinted in s1 and now becomes abundantly clear, aziraphale guards these deep in his soul as being his deepest faults, cracks that he has ignored as they have widened, and has carried as a mark of him being lacking:

“Aziraphale… what are you? Crowley’s emotional support angel? The softest touch. The one who went native. Do you need more big, human meals, Aziraphale? Shall we send up the sushi?”

ive written about this before, so a lot of this is going to be repeated, but my thought process on these particular ‘faults’ is this; it is not beyond belief that aziraphale has major issues with self-worth and feeling like he isnt ‘enough’. what shax strikes at are, as i said, elements of ‘fault’ within aziraphale that we have had glimpses of through s1 and into the earlier episodes of s2; she remarks on his propensity for indulgence (sushi/meals), his tendency to be overtrusting and naive ("softest touch"), his lack of traditional angelic quality ("went native"), and the question of what exactly crowley feels for him and what purposes aziraphale serves in their dynamic (emotional support angel").

the way i see it is that aziraphale looks to two sources when evaluating his own self worth; heaven (and possibly god by extension), and crowley. heaven and the archangels completely disregard aziraphale, and are condescending and reductive in how they perceive and interact with him, with gabriel going so far as to insult his corporation (an insecurity that, iirc, we can even glean directly from the book when aziraphale reacts 'with disappointment' to the body he is in after adam splits him from madame tracy).

and crowley? well, to my mind, crowley’s dispensation to overprotect (whilst coming from a good place, of that i’m certain) reduces aziraphale’s agency, especially when crowley essentially talks over him in ep5 (and at other points too), and i could imagine leaves aziraphale questioning what exactly he is able to contribute to their relationship other than being a receptacle for crowley’s sense of loneliness and desertion. we know that's not the case, that it's infinitely more than that, but i could imagine that in this sense of feeling dismissed, aziraphale could see it like this.

then we have the two occasions where crowley strikes at aziraphale in regards to his naivety and belief, (“how could someone as clever as you be so stupid?”, “you’re better than that, angel!”) which, whilst is entirely valid from crowley’s perspective - because aziraphale is naive in his belief in higher power being willing to do the right thing, or be better - from aziraphale’s perspective, he’s struggled through millennia of reconciling his belief system and whether or not the side that he ‘belongs to’ is in fact Good or Right, and he in this he's still struggling. but hes getting there, and crowley has effectively been by his side guiding him through this monumental shift in his psyche; to have it turned on him in this manner had to hurt, even if he knows/realises after the fact that crowley was right.

imo, all of these elements strike at the notion that aziraphale is not “good enough”, especially in the eyes of the two entities to which he needs most to in fact think of him as enough, exactly as he is, in order to affirm any sense of self-worth. as i said in another post on this point:

“he's good enough to guard the eastern gate, but not good enough to keep adam and eve from temptation. he's good enough to guard and monitor the antichrist, but not enough to be truly accepted as part of the heaven hive (his physical sentry post on earth notwithstanding). he's good enough for crowley to run away with to alpha centauri, but not enough to convince crowley to choose to stay and fight with him to prevent the apocalypse… right up until ep6 when he's good enough to be loved by crowley enough to spend eternity with, but not enough for crowley to sacrifice his hang-ups with heaven and help him rebuild it as a team so noone else ever has to suffer what they both did.”

what point am i trying to reach here, as regards aziraphale’s perspective on the concept of suffering? well, to me, in this context, he knows suffering very well. he knows suffering of the personal kind, and it has never left him. It might have burrowed its way down, hidden under the affirmation that ‘i’m happy with myself, and crowley seems to want to know me, so it’s fine’, but it never has left him. he has been essentially ignored and neglected and traumatised by his experience with heaven, and slowly dismantling that belief system has been difficult and painful. however, instead of resolving to replace the source any sense of self-esteem with a belief in himself, he appears to have instead replaced it with crowley. and that's not fair on crowley, to be put on that pedestal (yes, my favourite topic of pedestals rears its ugly head).

aziraphale takes the opportunity with heaven given by metatron not only as one that would prevent further harm to him and crowley but also to others, an opportunity arguably of a more altruistic kind, but he sees it as an assurance that he, as himself (someone who is not wholly Good and in fact has faults), is what is needed to bring change to a broken system. it wouldn’t surprise me if in s3 aziraphale initially changes his emotional allegiance to heaven, away from crowley - a mirror of his resolution at the end of s1 - because the opportunity he’s been given, in his eyes, shows that heaven considers him enough, even if crowley no longer does. he channels his suffering in a wholly unhealthy way, unable or refusing to find self-worth in anywhere but a third party where he lays his absolute loyalty, whereas instead he needs to find it within himself first and foremost.

suffering from fear of discovery

somewhat leading on from this is aziraphale's fear of his and crowley's relationship being discovered. ive covered this in multiple other posts, but please be mindful that i go into this section under my own interpretation that neither crowley nor aziraphale have been in love with each other since the pre-fall scene. aziraphale is clearly crushing on the angel who crowley was (AWCW), that much is obvious (and AWCW is rather... ignorant of this), and even in a short space of time aziraphale comes to care enough for AWCW that he experiences concern and fear for the repurcussions should he start asking questions. but i don't think he's in love.

arguably, aziraphale and crowley from eden onwards begin very much as acquaintances. this evolves into allyship and burgeoning friendship, but the tone of their relationship to each other doesnt seem to shift until 1601, when aziraphale vocalises his worry over their arrangement, "but if hell finds out, they won't just be angry - they'll destroy you." aziraphale doesn't express any kind of concern for himself, only for crowley.

now this, i think, is a reflection of aziraphale's prejudice on hell being the black in the black and white; even if heaven found out, whilst they'd be angry, they wouldnt do anything drastic because it's the side of love and mercy. hell by contrast is torture and pain and cruelty. but beyond this - because i do think at this point aziraphale has started to truly recognise that crowley is not of hell himself - i think it is also out of genuine concern compared to that of his own wellbeing. the two reasons are not mutually exclusive.

this kind of continues into 1793; crowley tells him not to thank him for rescuing him, and aziraphale seems to recognise that crowley has a point - he immediately rewords his thanks as being "very grateful", and instead offers a transaction to express his gratitude. maybe not as deep and meaningful, but he seems to recognise that placing crowley under any scrutiny, however inadvertently, could spell for disaster. there is also the suggested risk of heaven now potentially keeping a closer eye on aziraphale, which is compounded by the legendary chocolates scene that didn't unfortunately make its way into the final cut.

that being said, the scene is in the script book - and as such, im mindful to accept it firmly as canon (can't remember if neil has confirmed it canon or not, given its not in the show). as a recap: in this, gabriel and sandalphon turn up unexpectedly to aziraphale's bookshop just before its opening in 1800, tell him he's being commended, and is required to return to heaven, thereby abandoning his sentry post on earth.

at this point, unnoticed by gabriel and sandalphon, crowley turns up armed with a gift box of chocolates. aziraphale pushes that he needs to remain in earth, citing that only he is able to properly thwart his hellish counterpart, adding that crowley is wily and cunning and brilliant - prompting gabriel to remark that it sounds like aziraphale admires him. this aziraphale understandably immediately denies, adding that he can't possibly like or admire a demon, but does respect him. crowley at this point has disappeared, but later enacts a pantomime that gabriel overhears, and gabriel resolves later to keep aziraphale stationed in earth.

if nothing else, this must put the alarm bells in aziraphale's head that heaven can turn up any time they want, and it could be at the most damning time; in this instance, it very nearly was. i would like to think that crowley understood why aziraphale had to say what he did, understood it was nothing personal, and aziraphale absolutely does not think this himself, and it was instead a ruse to protect them both from discovery. but following on from this scene? it would stand to reason that that fear is always in the back of aziraphale's mind; that heaven is just as capable as hell of ripping them apart and potentially making them suffer for it.. and in this case, the separation would have been a byproduct. imagine what their sides could do if they actually tried.

but back to 1827, where crowley is pulled down the hell hatch; what i personally believe to potentially be a direct consequence of aziraphale complimenting him on doing a good deed, and hell potentially overhearing. but this moves swiftly into 1862, which starts off tense and cold, for reasons that ive recently parsed out. aziraphale is placed into an incredibly difficult position by crowley's request for holy water. crowley is desperate for it, his body language and certain cues in that scene support that, but aziraphale doesn't fully know why. we, the audience, can hypothesise that it's likely a direct result of the 1827 yeeting, but aziraphale doesn't necessarily know that - a) because he's not truly listening to crowley in that conversation, and b) crowley presumably hasn't told him. at the very least, aziraphale doesn't seem to put the puzzle pieces together until 1967.

he immediately refuses the holy water because it could harm crowley, and to boot would mean that aziraphale himself would come under scrutiny. in the same breath, he reduced their friendship to fraternisation, either out of hurt/upset of crowley having ghosted him for (what we assume is) 35 years, or to put distance between them for crowley's and his safety; it'll be horrendous enough to be discovered for that, let alone if either side find out how far the fraternisation has actually gotten. if you bring the 1800 missing scene into this, that reaction would make sense.

1941 is rather self-explanatory, because it openly poses the risk that if aziraphale and crowley's relationship were discovered, crowley would be subject to a pretty shit existence in hell. aziraphale saves them though, and all is well, but it was a remarkably close shave. i do think that we are missing a key part of context that will be revealed in s3, but for the moment let's speculate that there is a trilogy aspect to 1941, and in that last part they get a little too close to More, and/or the reason behind the holy water request is revealed and discussed, but for sake of crowley's immediate safety aziraphale once again refuses.

between then and 1967, aziraphale seems to come to the conclusion that crowley having access to holy water is the lesser of two evils, and even if it is dangerous, it is infinitely more palatable than crowley being subject to whatever hell could bring to him. aziraphale hands it over, but is still beside himself at doing so - that he could be responsible for crowley's destruction - and physically and emotionally distances himself from crowley because of the implications of it. but nonetheless it seems that aziraphale firmly places crowley's wellbeing above his own, and risks discovery in order to ensure that crowley has a way out if things go tits up again.

i think it can be accepted that crowley and aziraphale don't truly interact again until 2008(?) when the antichrist business begins. aziraphale visibly blanches at gabriel's mention of crowley in the sushi bar, which i think can be interpreted as being out of that long-stagnating guilt of their association, reawakening the fear of heaven finding out, and also just out of good ol' fashioned pain of the separation aziraphale presumably enforced following, "you go too fast for me".

their interactions from st james seem stilted and tense (even in the ritz and the bookshop, to me it all feels very business-like, especially from aziraphale's perspective), up until tadfield manor, where their old dynamic seems to rise to the surface for air, and they settle into their old familiarity. crowley gets aggressive about being complimented, but it seems that aziraphale's fear of heaven finding out about them takes a backseat. that express lack of fear doesn't really come back to bite aziraphale until the archangels later accost him, and accuse him of consorting with the enemy - aziraphale denies this, not knowing that they have literal evidence of it.

but once we cycle through to the airfield, it feels like all bets are off; because as far as theyre both concerned, they're breaking away from heaven and hell. they do their little body swap, get them momentarily off their backs, and they don't have to hide anything anymore. we find out from crowley's perspective in s2 that that isn't entirely the case - that shax and beelzebub still manage to work their way into his life - but he doesn't tell aziraphale, and aziraphale assumes that they're free to live - and love? - as they please. this is evident in how gung-ho (by aziraphale standards) he goes in demonstrating his affection for crowley throughout s2.

aziraphale suffers for his association with crowley, and crowley for vice versa. and they both know that the other suffers, or at least surmises it. aziraphale specifically knows that their relationship, if the full extent were truly discovered, could lead to their respective downfalls, and this is where i think the true point of suffering comes into this context. aziraphale is obviously apprehensive of what heaven would do and how they would react to their relationship, but it's never really explicit what exactly he fears - he never mentions a fear of falling, for example. no, instead, the only true fear he vocalises is what would happen to crowley - a much more powerful and compelling motivator for hiding the truth.

and that has to hurt aziraphale, this being of love who wholly cares and (post-1941) loves crowley (and arguably also realises that crowley might have Feelings for him too), but the safety of the subject of that love is directly compromised should he act on it, or even acknowledge it. the only time he truly does is at the end of s2, by pleading with crowley to finally be with him where he (in his mind) thinks they won't have to hide anymore - who would dare challenge them? - but crowley can't do it.

and that's understandable, but it will require them to not only mask what they feel for each other from their respective sides (as if metatron didn't know already - he explicitly states that he knows about their association), but also now, once again and with the aim of not fully feeling the pain of their separation, from each other. the need to mask and hide and camouflage that love is suffering of a different kind, and again - aziraphale knows it all too well.

suffering from crisis in belief

now this is where i think we get to the kind of suffering that either aziraphale can't understand, or refuses to acknowledge because of the implications threatening to shake apart a core tenet of his character.

for this, im going to start back at the beginning, and specifically with adam and eve. aziraphale seems to know that without a literal weapon to protect themselves - which so happens to be a flaming sword, he went all-out - their lives are going to be rather short ones. eve is already expecting a baby, and aziraphale sees the absolute need to protect human life as paramount. he is a guardian, so this would track. he seems to understand that they would come to harm, that they would suffer, if they didn't have a means with which to defend themselves. the only key point that he and crowley both seem to miss is the implication of knowledge, specifically between good and evil, could also lead to suffering in humanity.

aziraphale just seems to know that it must be bad, even after literally seeing the fall (presumably) first hand... there is an issue with knowing the difference between good and evil, because it leads to conflict. but when crowley brings up that god should have made it more difficult to get to the tree, if it would lead to this, aziraphale chalks it up to all being 'ineffable'. he justifies that whatever happens to humanity - and by extension whatever suffering it encounters - it will all have been for a reason. that being said, he obviously feels some degree of doubt; he gives them the sword.

then we come on to mesopotamia, a thousand years later, when aziraphale is faced with the flood. he tries to excuse the flood by way of remarking that it only appears to be localised, and even then some humans are going to be spared. but crowley quite rightly points out that there are children that will be killed, and aziraphale meekly agreed, giving the suggestion that he too thinks it immoral, but that they cannot judge the almighty, and once again it must all be for a Reason. this extends into uz, when aziraphale battles directly with disobeying god's orders to bring suffering to job and his family when they have done nothing but be loyal and faithful in god. he remarks that he doesn't think that this is truly what god wants, but evidently can't be sure - and yet nonetheless fully commits to ending their suffering, and in turn expects to fall for it. he doesn't.

we then fast-forward to golgotha, and both of them watch as god's son is crucified, this time adding that he doesn't get consulted on policy decisions - intimating that if he did, if he had a choice, this wouldn't be happening at all, and he would end jesus' suffering. this one is difficult, because we as the audience know that the wider context is that jesus is submitting himself to die for humanity's sins; we could assume that aziraphale doesn't necessarily know this, but maybe he does, and to know might hypothetically cause him further internal conflict. does he save the one, and ensure the suffering of the rest? to have that dilemma would bring him too close to acting god, but it's an interesting prospect nonetheless. in any case, aziraphale seems to recognise jesus' suffering.

we don't really then have any further flashbacks of aziraphale being faced with human suffering until 1793, with the reign of terror. it doesn't go into detail on the intricacies of the terror or indeed the revolution, but he does remark that the execution of suspected and confirmed counter-revolutionists was "terrible". he remarks to crowley that he had heard france was getting rather "carried away", which would indicate that he had at least heard of what was happening and why.

we could take this in either two ways; that aziraphale, as a foreshadowing of 1827 - doesn't see why the people were revolting (and resulting at this point in robespierre and the committee's measures) - doesn't understand why people would be driven through their suffering to revolt, or he does see it and still feels that the measures they've resulted are not suitably justified. we don't have enough narrative of aziraphale in this particular setting to be able to reliably gauge what aziraphale's reaction to the terror truly is.

if i were optimistic, however, i would say it was the latter, because that would indicate that aziraphale has a higher level of thought on suffering, but still finds that the terror is unjustifiable - i think that would be a perfectly fair conclusion to arrive at, objectively. but unfortunately i think it is the former - that he doesn't really stop to consider why the people are revolting, doesn't see why the objectively awful thing they are doing may actually have moral justification, and what has driven them to these extremes. again, we don't know the reason why this might pose internal conflict for aziraphale... but we definitely do in 1827.

everyone knows this minisode, i think; a lot of it hinges on aziraphale being faced point-blank with reconciling why morality is not binary, and is always dualistic. he sees elspeth digging up bodies, desecrating them, and selling them to a surgeon for money. this is bad. he justifies his conviction because it is an immoral thing to do, and instead elspeth should have chosen another, more righteous, good, path. crowley correctly points out that that is difficult - if not impossible - when to do good is not an option that you can afford, or it has not been afforded to you. aziraphale argues that in fact to have experienced suffering, to start from the bottom, gives you more opportunities and more choices to chose the good thing simply because it's good. he further argues that it is ineffable, and that suffering is ultimately for a Reason.

but then he learns what is done with the bodies. he cradles the tumour of a young boy that didn't survive because doctors and surgeons didn't know what it was. he is confronted with the prospect that what he believes to be bad is in fact good, because it leads in this instance to human advancement and the possibility of ending suffering to more people. and he still misses the point. it's not as simple as switching out the label, because nothing is wholly good or bad; everything is a bit of both.

digging up bodies has the potential to hurt the people that mourn that person, but it educates others into ensuring that medically-preventable death doesn't need to happen. you could extrapolate this to elspeth - giving her the money doesn't guarantee her a better life, it could even make her a target, but it gives her a chance to feed and house herself away from the streets. preventing her suicide is good because her life is worth living and she could give and do so much, but she'll now presumably live her life suffering through the grief of losing morag. all he - and crowley - can do is give her the choice, and that is the right thing.

i think the ultimate issue with aziraphale being confronted with the suffering of humanity is that it directly plunges his belief into crisis, and specifically the belief that god is good, that god is benevolent, and god is ineffable. he watches as people suffer - all the examples ive listed above - and it directly contradicts his steadfast confidence in god and her action/inaction, because it leads to the question 'why'. further than that - what if he doesn't agree with the answer, if it's ever given? he definitely sees and acknowledges suffering, but doesn't look deeper into why they are given suffering in the first place, because of what answer he could potentially find.

aziraphale opts to turn a blind eye, to deliberately not see it, because he is scared of the possibility that he doesn't agree. he might not even realise he's doing it; that he's avoiding confronting the fact that he might not like what he finds. as i alluded to in the golgotha example, to potentially know more would be to place him in the position of god; able - and potentially enticed - to change the paths that people are going down that they should be able to follow or divert off of by their own choice.

heres where i come to the example of maggie; she is struggling with paying the rent, and resolves to move out. aziraphale initially doesn't fully comprehend that she cannot pay, just chalks it up to him being absent-minded and forgets the concept of not being able to pay for things, but when she clarifies, he offers up the opportunity to just forget the debt. ultimately, it means nothing to him, but i don't think he means this in a superior way; he's a supernatural, millions-year-old being where money is frankly irrelevant. its obvious that forgiving the debt, regardless, benefits him, and acts as his main motivator (and he even acknowledges this to crowley, "it hardly counts; a purely selfish action."), but he is being indirectly benevolent and kind through that selfish action. a bit of good, a bit of bad. maggie is grateful, but he doesn't take any gratification from it - if anything, he looks uncomfortable.

i think it's possible that now, following his historical experiences, being in the position of being able to do good somewhat makes him more uncomfortable that he's willing to admit. because to do good like this would be to acknowledge suffering. acknowledging suffering by way of countering it puts him in the position of having to understand why the suffering exists. and if suffering exists, then that shakes his belief of god - and himself - being good in the first place.

[spurious]

Compulsory Heterosexuality & McShep: Parallels

Thinking about the parallels between John & Nancy and Rodney & his relationships, because one of the really just absolutely nuts-making things that I've realized about McShep is how much they're mirrors of each other in so many ways (insert "everybody straight until the narrative foil walk in" textpost here)

So like, with Rodney and Katie/Jennifer there’s this sense of “ok this is what is supposed to happen/what I’m supposed to do” (not even just in the narrative but even in the show itself where it's like...do the writers not feel they need to build out a relationship for them? That they can just tell us that it's happening and we'll be like "OK yeah sure seems right" even though what they actually show us is Rodney spending all of his time with John and his team?) but anyway you can see both women are these very smart, successful, self-possessed women who would look at Rodney as someone "safe," like yes he's volatile and an asshole in certain ways but those ways are almost "harmless" compared to a lot of men, and in addition--and this is what I feel is pretty important--is the fact that he doesn't really require a ton of...care and feeding? Attention? He's pretty clearly not going to pull them away from their own (accomplished and serious) trajectories. Rodney being self-centered and distracted is a feature not a bug.

So they work as essentially these little "placeholder" relationships on both sides. For the women it's "ok, boyfriend, got that sorted, rarely see him but that's fine he doesn't need much from me" and for Rodney it's like this badge of Masculine Success (tm) that he has this beautiful woman who likes him or tolerates him or whatever (see: Brain Storm and how he pretty clearly sees Jennifer as a trophy to display to his former peers).

And so, ok, I titled this note (while I was working on it) "John and Nancy" and then spent two paragraphs on Rodney but HEAR ME OUT, we're getting there.

I think we can draw a pretty direct parallel in the sense of "this is what's supposed to happen" with Rodney's relationships and John's (only big relationship we know about since the man does not have a single viable love interest in five seasons.../seal shouting "gay".png).

There's a sense (from the info we have) that John was just...never really present with Nancy. That this was something that seemed like a correct step, and it'd make his family happy or whatever, and hey, it's not like he was gonna really go off and Live His Truth if he wanted to fly fighter jets, so why not settle down with a nice woman? And I think Nancy in the beginning saw it the same way Katie and Jennifer would see Rodney, like OK this guy doesn't want much from me and I have my own aspirations, this can work as something that checks off that box.

And then eventually, for one reason or another, it ends, I imagine because Nancy looked at what they had and realized she deserved a lot more than that, and John wasn't going to argue because he knew it was true, and he cared for her and didn't want her to be shackled to him if it wasn't doing something for her.

NOW. The thing that has made me want to set things on fire and throw myself into the sea. Is realizing that John is watching Rodney go through exactly what he has already lived and he can't fucking stop it.

And maybe he thinks "well it's different for Rodney," thinks that because he's fucked up in a way that makes him patently unloveable and unworthy while Rodney isn't, thinks that because he's gay and Rodney isn't, that maybe it'll work for him in a way it never did for John.

So now I just go absolutely fucking feral about John Sheppard and how he doesn't think he's worthy of love and happiness and tenderness, and how he thinks that his purpose, the best thing he can possibly do, is die for people he loves; so of course he lets Nancy walk away because he knows it's better for her, and of course he lets Rodney bumble his way through these relationships because the alternative is, what, being with John? and as much as he loves Rodney and wants him, he believes deep down that Rodney deserves "better."

I don’t know exactly where to go with this other than screaming and wanting others to scream along with me but like. The two of them fit together so perfectly but it’s just out of reach because it’s not what’s expected of them, and John’s self-sacrificing streak means he’ll never try it, while Rodney just…I think doesn’t really put that much thought into relationships to understand that he could have something different than the boxes he’s attempting to shove himself into? Ofc our job here in fandom is to give them catalysts that bridge that gap but without some outward impetus I can see them running along these sad little parallel tracks forever and oh my god, why has a military science fiction tv show from the early 2000s given the world this amazingly complex relationship WITHOUT EVEN MEANING TO?

[existingkirb]

ExistingKirb’s DELTARUNE: Chapter 3 Take

“Smile! You’re on Camera!”

I decided to do a revamp the Chapter 3 take I did awhile back and turn it into a fully-fledged project of mine! Check out the Twitter thread as well! I plan on posting characters in batches on Tumblr, but you can see them posted as soon as they’re finished on Twitter.

READ BELOW FOR CHARACTER INFO

TENNA

It’s Tenna! THE Tenna! The Dark World’s ruler, but she doesn’t seem to care about asserting her authority, she’s just here to goof off and embrace the vast empire of entertainment she’s built. She frequently shows up throughout the chapter to host a show involving the Fun Gang for entertainment purposes. She doesn’t antagonize them, and is fine with them sealing the fountain as long as they stick around a bit to provide some quality entertainment! She’s TECHNICALLY an antagonist, but not a bad guy by any means.

MIKE

Tenna’s right-hand man and second-in-command of the Cathode Crew! Tenna’s not good with all that business-y junk, so she lets Mike take care of all that stuff while she goes about without a care in the world, this also includes running the late-chapter shop. He used to trade business tips to a certain salesman before going to work for Tenna. also im like 75% sure he qualifies as a sexyman

DIROOKTOR

And…action! Like his name implies, he directs most of the shows in the Dark World and is Tenna’s, as she puts it, “left-hand man, right-hand brother”. He’s short-tempered and has a no-nonsense personality, which is the exact opposite of his sister’s. He seems to know a little something about dark fountains and doesn’t seem keen on letting the Fun Gang mosey on over and seal it like his sister is. He’s hatching a plan behind the scenes, so stay tuned.

VIOLET

Who’s this kid again? Oh yeah! In her younger years, she was a relatively well-known street mime, often regarded as a child prodigy for how good her acts were. She was a sweet kid with a bright future. After a while, she started noticing a strange someone who always appeared in the crowd when watching her perform, which must’ve did something to her, because now she’s missing from the spotlight and isolates herself in an abandoned film studio. Violet and Kris both have a few strong connections with each other, mainly the fact they’re both angsty teens who feel they have no control over their lives. Violet enjoys Kris’ company (And Kris seems to enjoy her, at least more than Spamton), but things take a turn for the worse when Susie and Ralsei show up…Violet doesn’t seem to eager to let her new friend go so soon.

r. money

he’s the silly joke npc of the chapter like starwalker and nubert. he’s this guy who shows up sometimes and brags about how much money he has. he does nothing other than that and is a completely worthless character. everyone loves nubert, so this guy’s the polar opposite. no one likes r. money. no one. he’s based off that valentines spamton drawing recently toby did, because i thought it’d be funny if there actually was a character who was literally named “r money”.

These are all the characters I have finalized as of now, this’ll be updated as I make more, usually posted in batches.

Once again, check out the Twitter thread where it’ll be much easier to keep up with updates to this take.