#digital painting is so fun but so time consuming my god

[asterparfait]

🩸

[transmasc-slykinnie]

Projects my religious trauma onto the twink from a game with pretty bad writing

[gemapples]

im so sorry it took me so long to answer these oml but YES i'd be happy to show how i draw and color :)

— SKETCHING

please note that i almost always sketch traditionally first lol it's just a lot easier for me to determine how the drawing is placed that way, but i always go over and re-sketch it digitally

for magolor i always start with a basic egg shape (lmao) and then i add his ears. then I draw the scarf; it's easy to determine the shape and dynamicism based on where the bottoms of the ears are located

then i usually add the cape and hood together. where and how these are placed and what these look like in general are very important because they're the main area that perspective is directed to (the ears and everything else is important too ofc!! but the hood and cape usually help demonstrate where he is looking and how he is moving the most). then i add everything else, usually his hands last!

— LINEART

ohhhhhh god my worst enemy. Hope youre sitting down because this will be embarrassing LMAO

lineart is easily what i struggle with most and is more often than not the most time consuming and grating step for me. If i had a choice i would drop it in a heartbeat, but my style is so dependent on thick lines and shapes that it's difficult to 😭 a hole i dug myself into unfortunately ITS FINE THOUGH. ANYWAYS I'm getting sidetracked

i use my finger to draw all my digital art, which means i usually have to use a Heavy stabilizer to avoid shakiness and staggered lines. Unfortunately ibis paint's stabilizer is actually dog water and doesn't even stabilize more than half the time (in which case i have to repeat lines over. And over. And over again until i get it right) but when it does like me and works properly it's very helpful!

i always use the soft school pen bleed brush as my main tool for lineart. This brush has been my best friend for everything, i even use it for sketching idk it just really like the way it looks lol. sometimes i change the aspect if i want the lines to look more ,, chalky?? or smoother depending on the work

i don't really use this tool much but for this specific piece, force fade was my partner in crime

also i think i need to mention that i use so many layers for this. So many layers lol like to the point it's embarrassing. and at the end i merge most of them (except for the gear patterns, rings on his ear, and eyes + hands, which usually need to be by themselves as they're colored separately) Thank you for layers

and i end up with this!

— COLORING && SHADING

yippee yahoo the fun part !!! the part that i love the most

at this point, if i havent already, i always create a folder for convenience in organization because this is the part that i stress the most about what details are on which layers lmao

then i add ANOTHER layer below that for the color, then i put every single color used on their own separate layer!

now, for shading, if im working on larger pieces with more complex shading, i'll usually plan it all out. normally when just drawing magolor, i don't really need to do this anymore because i'm so used to it lol, but for funsies i did it here anyways

then i use the bucket tool to fill them all in

i usually have a set color palette for all the characters i draw (though the way i shade white differs. A lot between my work as you can probably tell fhdfgf). For every color, i have two specific tones that are associated with the shading. for example, indigo + violet are shaded with my blue, pink + light orange (or lighter pink depending on my mood lol) are shaded with yellow, etc.

so, i shade the other areas with the 2nd shading color

a big tip i can give for coloring is to look at a color wheel when you draw. i know that sounds like. Such basic advice LMAO but that seriously was a huge help for me when developing my shading and something i learned while studying — if you notice, in all of the shading in my work, all of the colors used are analogous on the color wheel. note that not ALL combinations will work together like others obv !! but it's a huge step in knowing where to go with it

then i add other extra details like extra lighting, halftones (if i feel like it // if it fits the work), glow to his eyes, and color the lines and ta-da!

another tool i use a lot especially with my more recent art are blending modes, especially multiply. i use a clipping layer to add a dark color (usually a dark blue or purple) and set it to multiply, then erase the areas that emit light

and this is the end result! this is a very very basic demonstration of it fhdjg i was a pretty messy with the lighting and erasing in this example but you get the general idea right

and that's how i draw :) i hope this was helpful, and thanks for asking and being so patient with the response!

[gargyshmub]

i do apologize for the 9 billion reblog spam. i have to just say though your UTDR art is some of the best ive EVER seen. or at least some of my favorites now. i just LOVE everything about your style it's so god damn good !!!!!

but also i must ask, if you will. how does one go about getting that crusty ms paint texture i Need that in my life. ok thanks have a good night

THANK YOU BIG COMPLIMENT BIGGEST COMPLIMENT THANK YOU you are REAL FOR THIS THANK YOU!!!!!

you can spam reblogs as MUCH AS YOU WANT you can just keep doing it FOREVER you can just Spam reblogs so much its FUN and COOL.

as for the ms paint texture, if you wanna do the cool hylics shading thing (i dont know what to call it) use the spray-paint can on the ms paint WEBSITE!!!! remember to use the WEBSITE!!!! i started using the website version of ms paint like, at the beginning of this month, and its the most fun i've ever had with drawing digitally, like i hate to break it to you adobe/krita/everyone else but ms paint has been giving you hand over ass since 2009 you CANT beat this.

I will say the spray-can technique can be kinda time consuming, since theres no layers and you can only redo 3 strokes at a time. It really starts to become painting in like, the 'irl', its insane.

so anyways, have fun with that tumble-heads : )

[virtual-macchine]

I've been getting into digital art these last few months because I missed oil painting and digital art is cheaper. But today I started thinking about why drawing musicians performing is so fascinating to me while working on my current piece.

I think there's something interesting about viewing someone from so close and from an angle you're not often in. As a musician, you spend a lot of time watching other musicians play and you can tell when someone is just at ease with their instrument. I love trying to capture that in a figure's form. But it's more than that also. For me, it's this idea that I'm not the only one watching this person and looking up to them in that moment, literally even.

I think I'm a little obsessed with the idea of idolatry, for many reasons including having been raised a muslim. If you don't know, idolatry is considered 'shirk', which is translated as polytheism, and it is a Big, Bad Sin. In fact, by drawing realistic figures with faces, plenty of muslim scholars would argue that what I am doing is haram. While that would have given me serious anxiety when I was younger, now I find a kind of glee in it to know that this inconsequential thing I find happiness in infuriates some people so much, especially when I sin in much worse ways (IM VISIBLY QUEER ASF AND I HAVE SOME SHIT TATTOOS). Like yes, get your knickers in a twist because I had fun trying to recreate the beauty God put on Earth -- seeing as I'm going to hell anyway, of course I'm going to have a good fucking time before I get there.

Oh yeah, being a musician is also haram, technically. Big No to one of the most important forms of human communication. Depending on interpretation and who you ask, that includes all of singing, guitar, piano, etc., and listening to music.

Yes, I spent my formative teenage years rebelling through plastic discs and headphones. I stressed out my mother because I liked the twang of an electric guitar.

Also, look at these homoerotic pictures:

While I'm definitely not a Harry Potter fan anymore, I think about that scene in All The Young Dudes a lot where Remus is watching Top of the Pops and he's secretly fascinated by this fleeting moment when David Bowie and another performer share a mic. That one little scene captured so much of what it felt like growing up as a repressed little queer boy in a violently homophobic environment where everything gay was completely banned. For a long time, this was the closest I got to consuming outright gay content because if I was caught, it was a lot more explainable and I know I wasn't alone in it. So yeah, it’s quite important to me and I have a lot of memories and feelings attached to the music.

And you know, if the day of judgement comes and I really am told to give life to my creations, so what? If God didn't want me to imitate his creations then He shouldn't have made them so goddamn beautiful and I stand by that, so help me God.

Or maybe I'm deeping it too much, let me know xxx

(side note - I have this memory of being told off for watching BBC Sherlock as a young teen because my mum heard the word 'gay'. It was the scene where Watson denies being gay. I find it funny that the arguably homophobic show was also banned in our household because even acknowledging the existence of gay people was too much.)

[amsnider]

ARTGR 522 Reading Reflection 3

Rob Giampietro, “I AM A HANDLE” was so beautifully written. For a good portion of the reading I felt like I was reading a riddle but not one that frustrates me, one that makes me feel really passionate about software and how it works. I liked the line, “it’s a haze unlike the virtual reality we’re now in, a dreamy mix of bits and atoms from which all new metaphors have sprung, including that our data’s presence in an unseen, ever-present cloud.” It painted a photo in my head for me of where we came from in the land of software and how far we have gotten since the beginning. I also began to think of how we all are a walking ‘cloud’ we have all of our data surrounding us at all times. I think that is why it can be so peaceful to unplug sometimes and not be consuming information or providing data to algorithms. Even when we are listening to music on walks we are participating in this game of data development. When we unplug I envision us walking out of a stormy cloud that stays up and waits for us to be drawn back to it.  The paper goes on to talk about virtual is defined as “making a world where one is not.” It got me to thinking how every virtual world first started in someones mind (a metaphor) So, does this mean my day dreams are a step away from being a form of virtual reality? That is obviously easier said than done but it is fascinating to think about making a world that only existed in your head before. Giampietro broke down the gods in the sky vs the ghosts in our computers. It was a helpful metaphor for me to imagine. The little ghosts in my computer are basically throwing lightening bolts at the commands I ask of it. Something I liked described was how a pencil in a software represents a pencil in real life, but the commands are quite different. You can get a perfect line, erase it really easily,  change its color etc. I used to be really invested in fine arts, and I plan to get back into it once I have more time after I graduate, but I have noticed the few times I have tried to paint for fun this school year I am incredibly frustrated at the time it takes to paint something. I have grown to be accustomed to instant satisfaction in Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator, and every other digital program that can immediately change something in just a few clicks. I don’t necessarily see that as a bad thing but I do think the level of patience is something to be weary of. Overall, I liked this poetically written riddle about software. It was enjoyable to imagine software like this. 

[paintedsunshine]

summer all over (blame it on timing)

total painting time: 16h 57m

inspired by this post by @deacons-wig and @drefvalentine’s big-brain-tags on it

[Image Description:

The first part in a series of four digital nature illustrations painted in the style of the art nouveau movement. Each scene depicts two animals in serene landscapes. The animals are changelings — Margaret and Travis Matagot from the Campaign Skyjacks Podcast.

This scene depicts spring. It’s dawn. A brown sandhill crane gracefully opens her wings, a large white snake hangs from her neck, curled around it like a living scarf. The crane is solid colored except for a patch of red on her forehead. The snake is showing his small red tongue. He curls his body in an S-shape next to the crane’s neck and then wraps himself once around her neck and almost protectively over her torso.

The pair are posing on a meadow with patches of lavender and yellow daisies, fields of pink hills in the background. The horizon shows a large front of clouds that is illuminated in shades of purple, pink, and orange by the sun that rises out of frame on the left.

The scene is framed by a complicated pink border. At the top of the frame, surrounded by tiny small leaves and flowers, a large vintage font reads “Spring”. The frame is very ornate and overlapped from the lower left and right corners by two flower arrangements of black lilies and Baby’s Breath.

The artist’s signature is in the lower right corner.

End ID]

[mercurybluewrites]

Fingernails Chapter 1

Hello all, my first time posting fanfiction since 2014 (lmao!) All fics will be posted on AO3 and will be posted there 1st! Below is the link to it on AO3. Happy reading and please remember to interact and reblog!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41220963

Fingernails

V rummaged around the cabinet underneath the sink looking for a very specific plastic tub. Between working any gig that she could get her hands on and trying to find a way to evict her brain parasite without dying, V had almost no downtime. A point she has made very clear to said parasite many times and was now regretting that.

“Jesus, V. How many times have you said ‘We don’t have time for this, we can’t stop, I gotta take this gig, blah blah fuckin’ blah.’ Now you’re painting your nails like some corpocunt”, Johnny taunted.

V rolled her eyes and placed the tub of nail goodies on the counter, accidentally spooking Nibbles from her nap in the sink bowl. “First of all, I said we had very little time to relax. So we have some,” V smirked at Johnny and continued after soothing the poor cat. “And corpocunts wouldn’t paint their own nails, they get color-changing nail implants or some shit. At the very least, they’d pay someone to do it for them. God forbid they actually lift a finger.”

Johnny snorted out a laugh at that and materialized a fake cigarette. He puffed on it for a bit while he watched V pick out a nail color and gather her tools. “You know what I’m about to ask next,” He said, moving closer to the merc and tossing out the digital cig butt.

That was the ‘fun’ part of sharing a mind. It was more than what Vik said of becoming one person, it was knowing and feeling everything about each other. Including what they were about to say to the other person. They figured out at some point that if they focused hard enough they could hide things from each other. However, it wasn’t a passive thing to do - it took actual effort and so most things passed between the two connected minds.

“It’s…hard to explain why I like taking care of my nails. After all that crap with the Voodoo Boys, you know how important my mom was to me. We used to paint our nails together all the time before…well you know,” She let out a sigh before pushing those emotions to the side. “Plus nail polish and shitty drug store makeup were stupidly easy to klep when I was with the Bakkers,” V grinned proudly.

Johnny gave V a small smile, “Ya know talking to you sometimes is more depressing than kicking a puppy with progeria. Now grab a nail color and let’s watch some shitty TV, Samurai.”

And V did just that. She grabbed a dark purple color that had flakes of slivery glitter swirling around in it and flicked on the TV. Watson Whore. Neither of them liked modern TV, the corpo propaganda wasn’t even hidden and the acting was worse than atrocious. However, V would sometimes indulge in a guilty pleasure of consuming really really awful weeknight dramas. She would only catch every other episode so she had no fucking clue what was going on. Right now the lead girl was in a really expensive-looking bikini and sobbing over some hunk of a guy with a crazy amount of stab wounds.

“I swear if Maxtec or some other corpo comes bursting in to save her night, I’m taking over and changing the channel,” Johnny grumbled as he popped up next to V.

“If I smoke a cig or two will you shut up?”

“Yes.”

V lit one up and started puffing on it. She started by cleaning the old polish off and clipping her nails as the nicotine entered her bloodstream. Johnny finally seemed to settle down. A weird sense of peace also settled in - or peace as much as Night City would allow. It was funny in a way. Just a few hours ago, V was dodging bullets and separating Tyger heads from their bodies. The scratch she made was disappointing, to say the least, only a little over 6K eddies for all that work. Enough for rent and some food at least but not much else. So a nail day was much needed to say the least.

She lifted up a nail file and inspected it. It was an old metal one that was starting to dull on one side. V was too comfy to get up a grab a new one, plus Nibbles decided her lap made a much better bed. She flipped it over to the other side and started filing away. While she enjoyed taking care of her nails, she wasn’t creative and just shaped them into the standard oval shape. Being a merc doesn’t allow for nail creativity anyway.

V ashed the cig as she grabbed the cuticle oil next. She poured a generous amount on each nail bed and massaged it in. She rubbed the oil in slowly, both to actually let it absorb into the nail bed but the act also released the soreness from her overworked digits. V paused and briefly wondered if the oil could smooth out the callouses on her hands. Her trigger finger was…bad. That didn’t even start describing some of her scars. Hell, the road rash down her leg was horrific when she wiped out on a sketchy-ass bike when she was 17.

“Oh come on it's not that bad!”

“Jesus fuck!” V jumped hard, no longer relaxed and neither was the cat. The oil bottle swiped across her knuckles (she’d find out if cuticle oil would help after all) and landed on the coffee table, “I thought you said you shut up?” V leveled a look at him and stamped out the dying cigarette. Even Nibbles seemed to give the digital ghost a look before deciding her food bowl was much more interesting.

He smirked, bastard enjoys messing with her. “Pipe down, I got bored. Plus when did you get so concerned about looks?”

“Johnny, I think it’s fair to say anyone in NC is obsessed with looks. Kinda the first part of the battle when it comes to decent street cred.”

“Heh, I guess not everyone is blessed being able to look this good this easily,” With his signature grin, he leaned back and folded his hands behind his head. The only thing V could think of is that if Johnny is going to be in the passenger seat much longer, Vik would have to give her some blood pressure meds along with those blockers.

Instead, V just shook her head and lit a 2nd cigarette. She briefly considered fixing herself a drink, they were taking time to relax for once, but as much as the digital brain parasite annoyed her… He’s definitely grown on her. A part of her wonders if that was the relic rewiring her brain or if they were actually getting along. Rouge and Johnny never shared a brain (Thank God, even if that would be the most entertaining thing of the century.) and they meshed well in their own way. Sort of.

‘Nope…’ V thought to herself. Tonight is supposed to be relaxing and following that line of thought is the opposite. To remedy that, she grabbed the chosen nail polish color and unscrewed the cap. The familiar chemical smell that comes with any bottle of nail polish flooded her senses. Most hate the smell or at least think it’s too strong, but V loved it. Could it be because that smell was present during a time of her life when things were safe and ok? Probably, but right now it was as effective as synth-lavender.

V is no nail tech but she knows a few tips and tricks from years of nail care. She dipped the brush in the swirling liquid and pressed it on the bottom of her thumbnail. Not all the way down though, don’t want to flood the cuticle. She then smoothly and gently pulled the brush up to the tip and angled it so it would cover the edge of the nail. Always wrap the tip.

“That’s what I’ve said for years,” said Johnny. V at first wanted to berate him but couldn’t help but laugh.

V repeated the motions until the thumbnail was covered. The purple and silver glitter complimented each other nicely. She held it to the light. It made it sparkle brilliantly and the purple shimmer with an iridescent flare. She hummed to herself in approval and continued on to the next fingernail. V entered almost a meditative state as she focused on covering each nail, not noticing her parasite was watching intently as she went along. The two minds were finally relaxed and contented for once.

The episode of Watson Whore ended as V finished the last stroke on her pinky finger. There were a few mistakes where she accidentally got some paint on the skin around the nail but overall, her fingernails gleamed. Besides those bits would wash off in the shower. She grinned and looked over at Johnny. Much to V’s surprise, he was also admiring her nails. She expected a joke or a comment but instead…

“Ok damn. I’ll admit it V, I’m impressed,” He said while gesturing for her to show off her other hand.

V was flabbergasted for a second before composing herself, “Too bad you’re a ghost or I could make you look so pretty,” She joked.

“Tell ya what, we both somehow make it out of this… You can paint my nails, V.”

“Wait, what? Really?!”

“I’d cross my heart but I’m fuckin’ dead.”

“Even the gaudiest, loudest shade of neon green?”

“V, I know I’m an asshole but be reasonable.”

She laughed a true and deep laugh, feeling in a great mood for a rare time, “Fine. I think a nice shade of blue would look hella nice on you.”

“I’ll hold you to it, Samurai,” Johnny said as he dematerialized for the night to some dark corner of her mind.

For a moment, V almost missed the presence of Silverhand until she realized it was almost 1 in the morning. She placed all her nail goodies back in the tub and then under the sink. Nibbles was already a step ahead of her and was curled up asleep next to V’s pillow. Still feeling relaxed and just in a good mood for once, V slid under the covers and sunk into the bed. V drifted off to the sound of Nibbles purring up a storm. Of course, there would always be the lingering stress of what tomorrow would bring in Night City that any resident has but tonight things are ok. In fact, they were so ok that the nightmares left them alone as well.

[hannie-dul-set]

US, AGAIN | four.

SUMMARY. they say history repeats itself, but you’d like to disagree. you had to disagree. history changes, even if you had to force it. but when all your attempts to twist fate were met by nothing but the flashing recurrences of the past, what were you supposed to do?

or, wherein you try everything in your power to have nothing to do with na jaemin, but na jaemin wants nothing but you.

PAIRING. na jaemin x female! reader GENRE. college! au, historical! au, soulmate! au, past lives, forbidden love stuff, reincarnation, romance, drama, humor, angst, fluff, looots of flashbacks, this is an entire kdrama, very loosely inspired by the webtoon “see you in my 19th life” WARNINGS. (for this chapter only) swearing, night terrors, hospital mentions, passing out, the works hgdhjasf WORD COUNT. 5.1k

NOTE. I’M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG <///3 but life is life thank god we only have to go through this once unlike our dearest mc HJGASDJSF anyway!! lots of jaemin fluff here!! you’ll want to punch him in the face!! hope u enjoy <3

CHAPTER FOUR: why the sun sets and rises

(Running.

Through the winding branches that cut into the air, the silver lake, the jagged ground, the clouds in the wind at each and every shallow pant, you were running—

A gunshot.

—running until your legs gave away.)

You woke up in a cold sweat.

God.

Looking around, you noticed that it was far too early for you to be awake— the hazy light that barely slipped through the thin curtains, the desolate silence that seemed to have consumed your room whole, and the bedside digital clock down below you that said 6:21AM in big bold letters, indicating that you should be fast asleep especially after staying up at ungodly hours in the morning finishing up an assignment. But even after burying your head in between two of your pillows, you couldn’t even suffocate yourself into unconsciousness.

You groaned and jumped off of the top bunk.

When your feet landed on the floor, you had expected to see Seungah’s ghost of a face lying sideways on the bottom bunk, but all that met you was a small, neon orange sticky note laying soundly on her smoothed out pillow. ‘Had to leave early to the diner! Eat the breakfast I made you or else xoxo’, it said. You sighed.

There was no point mulling over the past when you had an entire future to take care of.

“Oh my gosh.”

Hong Nabi was in shock with what she saw when she arrived at the benches by the garden to work on your group assignment today. It was shocking to the point that she dropped all her binders and papers onto the pavement.

You sighed, sliding out of your seat to help her. She spared you a few, quick glances as the both of you were slouched on the floor, and he couldn’t help but bite her bottom lip in worry. The Y/N that was usually so cool, so put together, and so unbothered looked like she was casket ready. That, or ready to star in a Tim Burton animation.

“Is it Halloween today..?”

“Let’s just get this thing started,” you groaned, finally finished cleaning things up and you were now back onto your seat. Nabi sat right in front of you, organizing her now jumbled up material. She wanted to ask if you were okay— but would that be offensive considering that you were very clearly not? Still, she opened her mouth to speak, but was scared into silence when you suddenly cursed out loud. “Since when did this become a paired project? Where the hell are they?”

Nabi pressed her lips together, looking around. “I’m not sure.”

You still had around two weeks more until the presentation, but that didn’t mean that they could slack off as much as they wanted. In a fit, you grabbed your phone from your sling bag, exasperatedly tapping on the fragile screen that Nabi was almost sure that you were going to break it, but before you managed to burst a vein, an incoming sound of noises and laughter approached your ears.

Boys will be boys, but you weren’t having any of that shit.

“Yah,” the moment Jeno, Renjun, and Donghyuck showed up at your table as if nothing was wrong, you decided to smack the nearest head with a rolled up sheet of stapled paper. “Didn’t we agree to start at nine?”

“Yah,” Donghyuck snatched the weapon from you, his other hand focused on caressing the spot on his head that you’d just every so gently smacked. “Don’t you ‘yah yah’ me, missy. Did you forget that you’re younger than us?”

If only he knew.

“Is that so? You should grow a sense of responsibility, then. It doesn’t take fifty fucking years.”

With that, you let out a huff and swung your laptop open.

The rest of the people occupying the table exchanged concerned glances as they shuffled to find seats of their own. They haven’t known you for long, but this type of temperament from you was arguably out of the ordinary. Even when Donghyuck would strike a chord too dangerously, you wouldn’t snap at him— today, you weren’t your usual self, and they all mutually agreed in silence that they were going to tread carefully if they still wanted their heads attached to their necks.

When the sounds of your fingers clicking against the keyboard stopped, they felt their hearts stopping, as well.

You looked up from the laptop screen, proceeding to look around, closed your eyes, and then breathed out. “Where’s Jaemin?”

At that moment they all flipped their phones open, scrolling, clicking, and typing before they can taste any more of your unraveled temper. You had to admit, you were feeling a little guilty for being such a bitch. A part of it was yes, sleep deprivation, shitty nightmares, and a whole truck load of stress can really take a toll on your sanity, but the other part was voluntary.

Jeno looked up, the first person who managed to pinpoint Jaemin’s whereabouts. “He just texted. He says he’s running— oh, there he is.”

There he was indeed, a couple of feet away from where you all were. Once you confirmed that he wasn’t absent, you turned back to continue working, but the rest of them continued to stare at Jaemin, who was barely hanging onto his dear life, sweating and panting. And as they all watched the poor boy breathlessly running towards the table, they all thought of the same thing with one mind, heart, and soul.

Na Jaemin was a dead man.

He pulled up right in front of you, hunched over breathless with his hands on his knees. He stood up and promptly apologized. “Ahh, so sorry for being late. I had to stop by somewhere and there was traffic. I’m really—”

“I didn’t ask about your personal business,” you hummed, not even looking at him. Everyone, not only Jaemin, flinched at your explicit coldness. “Did you get the files that we need?”

He looked at you. You weren’t looking at him, but you knew he was looking at you.

“...Yeah. Hold on.”

As if the mood wasn’t already shit earlier, it actually turned into absolute horse crap after Jaemin arrived. It wasn’t his fault, really, but circumstance after circumstance didn’t exactly paint the prettiest picture of him. When the clock finally struck eleven in the morning, everyone except you all released a synchronous sigh. “We’re done today, right?” Renjun asked, and you responded with a quick nod, noticeably a lot more mellow than earlier.

Nabi stood up and started fixing her things. “I’ll send everything later to you tonight, Y/N,” she smiled at you.

“Yeah, sure,”’ you hummed, nodding. “Thank you.”

The four boys froze. Why were you being nice to her? Of course, their complaints were verbalized into nothing more than silent whines, groans, and grumbles that easily flew above your ears, Jaemin being a lot more quiet about voicing his complaints than the rest despite taking most of your attacks.

Still, even if you were being particularly thorny to him, he thought it would be a good idea to speak out just as you were about to leave. “Do the both of you have any classes after this? We were planning on getting lunch together,” he said. “Would you like to join? My treat.”

You looked at him. There was a polite smile on your face. Evidently forced.

“No, thanks.”

Donghyuck let out a genuine gasp.

“Did she just—” he stammered, switching his sight back and forth from Jaemin to you. “Did she just turn down a free meal offer?”

“She did,” you sighed, rolling your eyes as he continued to gawk at you. You picked up your heavy bag from the bench seat. “I gotta get going. Have fun, you guys.”

And you let them just like that, with five pairs of eyes trained at the back of your head until they finally lost sight of you.

For someone like you, the bulletin boards at the bus stops were like a gold mine. A gold mine of part-time jobs just waiting to be filled. There were flyers haphazardly plastered onto the board, all in different colors and different fonts. You bit a chunk off of the granola bar that served as your lunch for today, eyes meticulously scanning the available offers, a few flyers already wedged in between your armpit.

“Hair salon assistant— can’t do that. Diner waitress— a hard maybe. Already have a restaurant job pending, my shifts might clash. Library assistant? Alright, I need to check it out further, though. What about a movie— oh!— oh my god, you scared me.”

“What are you doing here, Y/N?”

Sooah suddenly appeared beside you, looking up as she clutched her backpack straps. You let out a sigh of relief upon the realization that it was just her.

“Fancy seeing you here, cadet,” you hummed, folding the neatly folding the few flyers that you had and shoving into your sling bag along with the emptied granola bar wrapper. “Are your classes over?”

“Mhm! I’m waiting for my mom to pick me up.”

“Aren’t you honored to spend time with me as you wait?”

You let out a chuckle, sitting down on the wooden seat, patting down the empty spot beside you, and Sooah happily hopped to sit down right away. Peeling off one of the flyers stuck onto the board, you decided to fold it— once, twice, countless more times until the flat, square piece of paper was now shaped into a lotus flower. Sooah beamed in amazement.

“Y/N,” she started, and you dropped the little paper flower onto her tiny hands. She placed it on her lap before looking up to you, large eyes hinted with curiosity. “The story you told us last time— was it a true story?”

You suddenly felt a chill in the air.

“...Why do you ask?”

“Oh, well,” she mused. “My mommy is a Korean Literature teacher at my school, but she teaches a grade above me. Sometimes, I’d go through her stuff to read some stories that I haven’t read in my class, and the other day—”

Uh oh.

After living for twelve whole lifetimes and currently going through your thirteenth, there was always this feeling that haunted you all throughout, a feeling that you were all too familiar with. It was gnawing, grinding, and chewing up the bottom most part of your gut. A warning sign for something bad to come.

You were definitely feeling that right now.

“—I found the same story as the one you told us, big sis.”

Yep. It was never wrong, and it never will be. You bit down your bottom lip.

“And I found something interesting!” oh, how much more must anxiety drown you, but Sooah seemed so excited that you didn’t have the heart to stop her. You raised a brow, urging her, and she smiled brightly. “You said you don’t remember the girl’s name, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Y/N! She has the same name as you!”

Of fucking course.

“The last name is different, though—” she added as an afterthought. “She was Song Y/N, and you’re not. Still. Isn’t it really cool?”

Not cool at all. You wanted to scream, maybe cry a little and lose a generous chunk of your mind, because as far as you knew, there had never been an instance where you had heard of this story being shared to the public— to an entire class, nonetheless. It shouldn’t matter, right? It wasn’t your life anymore. Just an old, tragic tale passed on from mothers to their children as a bedtime story.

But somehow, it made you feel vulnerable.

How many more people knew about this?

“But, sis. You’re kind of a dummy, though. How could you forget someone’s name when it’s the same as yours?”

Sooah questioned, tilting her head, but it eventually washed pon her that you weren’t looking all too well. You had your lips splayed into an evident frown, worry creasing your forehead, which she could not at all get. Were you okay?

“Did you finish reading all of it?”

You asked after a bout of silence. Sooah shook her head in response. “No, not yet,” she huffed. “My mom caught me making a mess out of her things and scolded me.”

That’s good, you thought. At least she didn’t make it to the end— that would only complicate things. After a second of deliberation, you figured that this would be the best move if you played your cards right.

“Sooah,” you started. “Do you think your mom will let me borrow that story?”

The next day, your classes were all condensed into the afternoon— a deliberate decision to allow yourself to recharge in bed for the entire first half of the day.

But right now it was eight in the morning, yet you were already busying yourself inside the campus.

No, you didn’t have a group meeting today, neither did you have any prior commitments needed to be accomplished here in school, but you figured after not having a single fucking blink of sleep last night thanks to Sooah’s revelations yesterday, you might as well head to school early to apply for the part-time job at the library. Only one problem— where was the library?

It was eight in the morning. You had been here since seven-thirty. Not a single bookshelf in sight. You opted to just give up and mold yourself into the floor because you couldn’t even ask anyone for directions because no one was there.

Well. Almost no one.

You had just passed by a single living soul earlier as you were trudging around the bottom floor like a zombie, but you completely missed him. Na Jaemin caught your disheveled figure marching through the hallways earlier, evidently lost, as he left the faculty office with a steaming hot cup of coffee in his hands. He immediately brightened upon seeing you— as if his bloodstream was directly charged with caffeine, but he didn’t come around to approaching you until now. He couldn’t get the timing.

Even now, as he discreetly tailed behind you without your knowledge, he didn’t know when was the appropriate time to give you a simple ‘hello’. He pressed his lips together, taking in a sharp breath through his nose, and decided screw it— you wouldn’t even be happy to see him no matter the timing.

He picked up his pace and sounded from right behind you.

“Morning, group leader.”

You stopped, swiveling your heels around, and he was met with your grimacing face.

As expected. He gave you a blinding smile.

“How are you?”

“My morning is shit, thank you very much,” you spat. “Even more now, after seeing you.”

Ouch.

Jaemin knew that you weren’t exactly fond of him, and he’d spent too many hours wondering why. Maybe you just disliked him without bearing much of a reason. Some people were like that, but he didn’t hold it against you. He still pressed on with a smile.

And it irritated you.

(You believed that it was irritation, or made yourself believe. Yeah, let’s go with irritation.)

“Now, what do you want?” you crossed your arms, shifting your weight to one leg as you looked at him with exasperation. “You’re definitely not here to ask me about our assignment, right? I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I might as well say it to your face for your own good.”

You roughly shoved a finger to his chest, mustering up not a glare— but a plain look of disinterest.

“I don’t like you.”

Jaemin simply looked at you.

“You don’t like me.”

“No matter what you try to do, that won’t ever—wait, what? What the fuck?” you had to double take, expression suddenly morphing into a comical confusion, which Jaemin found cute, but of course he couldn’t say that out loud. He settled with the same smile as earlier, which you found a little more irritating as much as it was conflicting this time around. Within a second of silence, you felt heat slowly rising and you felt it slowly getting to your head. “You’re just gonna take that...as that?”

He let out a hum, shrugging. “I can’t dictate how you feel, can I?”

You gawked at him.

“You’re not even gonna ask why? Not even gonna protest?”

“Do you want me to?” he leaned forward, face a little closer to yours, smile a little more irritating than before, the heat growing a little more prominent than ever, your grasp on your consciousness becoming a little more hard to hold than earlier. You felt yourself getting caught in a stammer. “I would, if you want me to.”

Fuck this shit and fuck it completely.

“Where are you going?”

“None of your business,” you stormed off before you could find yourself getting caught inside a heatwave, breathing out long, fervent breaths to calm yourself down, the dizzying heat slowly getting to your head making you woozy. It would be a bad idea to even turn around and look at him. “I’d appreciate it if you don't follow me.”

Jaemin frowned when he saw your back yet again. He felt like this was the only thing he’d seen from you— your back perpetually facing him without any hope of you even turning around to spare him a quick glance, but he didn’t want to go against your wishes. He wasn’t planning on following you. But when you suddenly collapse on the floor a few feet away from him—

Thud.

—what else was he supposed to do?

(“Your Highness.”

It was without question that he’d answer your call sparing not even a second to waste with those gentle eyes of his, and this time was no different. The only difference being the quirk of his lips— pursed, pouting. He stepped away from the bush of azaleas, and stepped closer to you.

“I thought I told you not to call me that anymore,” he huffed, languidly dropping beside you on the stone bench, taking your hands into his with an earnest glimmer. “Say it. I want to hear you. Please?”

It was impolite to laugh at the prince— a punishable crime by itself. You were fortunate that he liked you enough.

“Your Highness,” you hummed. His shoulders drooped down, visibly dampening, but he shook his head with a newfound resolve and instead lended all of his attention to you, instead. “It is without saying that the very breath you take is incomparable to any person on this land—”

Your gaze darted upwards, looking at him.

“—but why do you choose to come see me everyday in the garden? Even when I am not around?”

He was still for a moment, fazed and the littlest bit taken aback, but not a second too long for you to spare any worry. A newfound smile playing on his lips, he lifted up your hands that he was holding, pressing a tender kiss on your knuckles.

“Why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west every single day?”

He looked at you, continuing.

“Just because it was made that way.”)

“Daegang.”

The whisper that you sounded in your state of unconsciousness caught Jaemin’s ears as he carried you to a vacant room inside the campus hospital. He looked down at you, your voice as clear as day despite the hoarseness of it, peeling himself away from your closed eyes, lashes fluttering above your cheeks before he could stumble over his own feet.

When he gently dropped you on to the bed, the mattress sinking underneath your weight, his windpipes nearly closed, a choking noise escaping the moment he felt you tug him down by the sleeve of his shirt, but he maintained his composure. He dropped your sling bag onto the bedside table, taking notice on the colorful piece of paper peeking out of the bag’s zipper mouth, a huff of a smile when he closed it up. Even you can be a little disordered, sometimes, he wondered in amusement as he gazed down on you.

Jaemin let out a huff of breath, dropping down the chair placed beside your bed, and he pulled out his phone to send a few messages here and there. An hour passed. He noticed you stirring underneath the sheets.

“Ah, you’re awake!”

Maybe you were, maybe you weren’t. You couldn’t tell if the blurred out silhouette of the face you have grown to both hate and love was a mere figment of your memories, or if he was actually real. There was the temptation brought about by your disorientation— to stretch your arm out to his face just to make sure, but you were lucky that your flimsy consciousness came at just the right time before you were to do anything regretful.

“Ugh.”

“You’ve been out for over an hour. Maybe you should just skip your remaining classes today,” at that point you were sure he was real. Na Jaemin had worry laced all over his voice, expression, and posture. It wasn’t a sight welcome to your peace of mind when you had just woken up after passing the fuck out. “What happened? Did you not get enough sleep? Did you skip breakfast? I asked Jeno to buy some food just in case you wake up and I’m not here, but you were unconscious for longer than I expected.”

“I’m fine, I’ll just—”

A regretful action. You tried to stand up, but all that happened was you falling pathetically back onto the bed.

“...”

“Don’t push yourself, Y/N,” Jaemin sighed, tucking you back in and placing a hand on your forehead, and by god you could hear the alarm bells ringing in your ears. “I checked earlier. It doesn’t seem like you have a fever. Oh? You’re starting to heat up, maybe you actually do—”

“I don’t!”

Was it possible to voluntarily pass out?

You threw the blanket over your head.

It was fortunate that he didn’t decide to press on, and instead he just left you alone underneath your makeshift tent to calm the sudden blazing of your face. Did he know that you were embarrassed? Oh god, did he know that it was because of him? Not that it was, of course, but it wasn’t unlikely for him to assume that he was the cause of your sudden temperature rise. It would be much better for him to believe that you did have a fever. Fuck, you should have just told him that you were sick.

“Knock knock,” outside of your blanket shield, you felt something lightly pressed at the side of your head, prompting you to peek outside, just enough for your eyes to be exposed. When you turned around, you were met by a box of Orion Choco Pie, just one of the few snacks that he had brought for you. “Here, have this. Eat.”

You blankly stared at the red box.

“What are you waiting for?”

“Leave it. I’ll eat once you leave.”

“No can do, missy,” Jaemin clicked his tongue, and without your consent, grabbed your nearest hand and opened it into a palm, placing the far too large box on top of it. “I have to make sure that you actually finish it.”

He was resilient.

Much like someone else, you grumbled, opening the packaging and stealing one of the cakes nestled inside. He had a satisfied smile on his face— almost like a proud parent watching his four year old daughter writing her name for the first time. You wanted to throw the damned snack to his face, but voted against the act and took a bite from it instead. “Fine. But for your information, I might have passed out because I barely got any sleep last night, so stop wasting your worries.”

“That doesn’t make things any better,” he said. “How am I supposed to stop worrying after hearing that? You should take care of yourself, Y/N.”

“I can take care of myself, thank you very much.”

“I’m not buying it. I have to make sure that you’re getting enough sleep every day.”

“What the fuck? Do you think you’re my mom, or something?”

“No, what the hell? Don’t make things weird,” He grimaced, looking at you in disbelief. Holy fuck. You nearly broke out into a fit, if you were being honest. Na Jaemin who was usually all smiley and kind was looking at you with an expression that you were sure his facial muscles didn’t even have the knowledge to conjure. His next words were nothing more than a low grumble. “How can she think I want to be her mom when I like her? Jeez.”

The choco pie that you’d been eating threatened to climb back up your throat.

“Wh— What the fuck?”

“What?” Jaemin replied naively. “One more time? Should I repeat it? Y/N, I like—”

“Okay, okay, I got it the first time, please—!”

Dear lord, he was going to be the death of you. You took in a long, sharp, painful breath.

“I get it.”

Jaemin looked at you with a small smile. He didn’t seem like he was going to continue teasing, so you quickly scared down the remaining chocolate snake inside the box so that you could slip away from him as soon as possible. That wasn’t the best idea, though, because the choco pie almost ended up going down the wrong throat and the guy was sure to freak out over it. Luckily you managed to get away with forcing it down and having Jaemin only looking at you with a minimal amount of concern.

It was time to get the fuck out of here.

“Thank you for the food, Jaemin, but I need to get going,” he didn’t even get the chance to say anything, but you were already on your feet, ready to set out to the door. You looked back at his frozen stature before reaching out for the door handle. “I’ll pay you back some other time.”

You bowed politely. Jaemin had only gotten back to his senses once he’d realized that he couldn’t see your face anymore, only the back of your head— a sight that he’s used to seeing, a reminder of where he stood. He scrambled to his feet and took off after you.

“Wait, you should drink water first! And take these with you! Y/N—”

Shit. He didn’t want you to leave yet. Not when he’s finally had a proper conversation with you. The two of you were already out in the hallway, the glimpse of light from the heavily clouded sky leaking through the windows and coloring the white walls and floor with an out of place brightness and at one point the light stuck on you. It was difficult to match your pace— staying not too far behind, not right beside you, never ahead of you. He swallowed.

Jaemin felt bad about pulling this, but he couldn’t think of any other way to make you stay.

“Daegang.”

You froze on the spot.

There was a heavy weight anchoring Jaemin’s conscience, falling even heavier as you slowly turned around to face him. It fell to the bottom of his stomach the moment he caught your expression.

“How—” you stammered. “Where did you get that name?”

He pressed his lips together tightly, a considerable distance between the both of you as he averted his eyes. “You muttered it earlier while I was carrying you.”

“C—carrying?”

How else would he have hauled you over to the campus hospital? But an obvious fact such as that was still enough to dumb your IQ a couple of notches down. You would have been fine if he didn’t mention it and leave you in your blissful ignorance, but he just had to drill the existence of that fact that you were in his fucking arms when you had sworn to be a piece of shit to him.

The heat was rising to your head again just like earlier.

“Ah.”

You heard Jaemin utter a sound from a few steps in front of you— a light grumble, you’d assumed, but you weren’t entirely sure— and it was at that moment that you’d realized how freaking awkward the distance between the both of you was. Were you social distancing?

His hollow sigh and evident pout threw all of those meager thoughts out the window.

“Is he the reason why I can’t get close to you?

What the hell does he mean?

“An ex you can’t over?”

You broke into a coughing fit. Jaemin instantly ran over to you in panic, patting your back to help appease the violent coughs, but in reality he wasn’t of any help at all because his palm was barely touching you. “Holy fuck”—cough—“oh god. I guess— I guess you can say that...?”

“Sorry,” he mumbled from behind you. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. It must be a sensitive topic.”

“If you knew that it was touchy then why bring it up in the first place,” you shot him a glare, looking back, but it was less threatening and more questioning. You couldn’t bring yourself to get mad at him at this point. He stood there in blatant guilt, his expression, stature, and demeanor without any intention of hiding it all. This was why you couldn’t get mad at him. Jaemin was transparent.

You weren’t sure if it was just his nature or if it had something to do with you.

You wouldn’t know what to do if it was the latter.

His lips finally parted after a moment of silence to answer you— even if you hadn’t expected an answer in the first place.

“I didn’t know how else to make you talk to me a little longer.”

You didn’t know what to do, at all.

Jaemin’s cheeks were stained with a shade of pink and fuck— you could see in his eyes that were looking at you, trying not to look at you, that he was bearing all the sleeves of his heart to you without an ounce of regret, but a euphemism of the bright red color that he was trying to hide.

God.

Why did you have to meet him in this life?

“Why?” you voiced, quiet. “Why do you like me so much? You don’t even know me that well, and I’m not even in any way nice to you.”

He didn’t answer.

“So, why?”

For a moment, Jaemin kept quiet, as if waiting for the pink to fade from his cheeks before doing anything, but it never did. Even when his lips stretched into a closed smile, his eyes crinkling and showing the stars that weren’t in the sky, he was still tinged with that soft, powdery color.

He didn’t wait. He didn’t wait for you to speak when he left— when he left right after saying two words that stretched inside your mind until the sun set in the west and the skies turned pink.

“Just because.”

<prev | MASTERLIST | next>

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© hannie-dul-set, 2021

[spicysugar019]

Alrighty folks here's my pinned post.

About me:

He/him/male

Im 21 years old (born in 2000 baybeeee)

Not comfortable sharing my first name (even tho it's super common and you couldn't find me using it). So on here I'll go by Eugene (my middle name).

Im currently at the highest weight I've ever been at, litterally 100 lbs over my starting weight (when I was either 11 or 12 at 4 foot 2 I think?). So please be cautious when talking to me about numbers at the present moment (Feb 2022).

Gae 💅 though currently dating a nonbinary beast

List of disorders cause I find it funny:

EDNOS, PTSD, chronic MDD, Chronic Insomnia, SAD, Chronic Substance abuse, ADHD, Bipolar (aka manic depressive disorder), (fuck dude im making this at 4am so im forgetting so fucking many), GAD, Panic disorder, dysthymia (I group that in with MDD but it's still a separate diagnosis ig), Social Anxiety disorder, unspecified psychosis, codependency disorder, gender dysphoria, and lastly a thing im not diagnosed with cause I don't bring it up in therapy and I actually don't feel like disclosing because of stigma around it and I'm not in the place to be told I'm faking by random strangers who don't know me or being told I'm doing it on purpose for attention thanks very much assholes.

How am I not permanently in a mental facility? Negligence probably! Stick around to see if that fact changes I suppose.

God what else do I say?

Stats: (again I'm at my highest weight ever, please don't comment on this to me, I just found out about it yesterday legit).

Cw: 270

Hw: 270

Sw: 170 (I was 12 and 4"2)

Ugw: 98

Is it even possible???

Im 5"4 (short kingg)

Things I struggle with due to mental health:

Eating (ok duh?), weight, body image, flashbacks, sleeping too much or too little no in-between, depressive episodes that usually land me in the hospital, hospitalizations (high score: 6 times in one year between December and March), major mood and behavior swings, Panic attacks that can last up to like a full fucking day rendering me completely useless, sometimes I see shit that isn't there, sometimes I hear shit that isn't there (they're thinking these are depression related psychosis mixed with not sleeping for like 4 days solid and not eating. Makes sense to me), I need people. No like I need them like I cannot be independent without trying to k!ll myself every single day, suicidal ideation, self harm, I have to get biweekly IM injections of boy juice into my ass-- and not the fun kind-- so I don't try to die constantly, and then other things I will not disclose ♡ and im poor.

At the moment I see 3 therapists and I'm looking for a fourth. Just therapists, this dosent include physical doctors or psychiatrists or psychologists or anything. One does CBT, another does EMDR, another is a nutritionist, and the one im looking for will be a DBT therapist. Gotta fucking collect them all am I right? (I'm not treating it like a game: I have to make jokes about it).

I am currently restricting and exercising (doing a piss poor job at it if I do say so myself).

Trying to stay below 800 a day currently.

Want to exercise daily but I simply do not have the time to. Will do it on the weekend tho! But right now I wake up I work I come home and scroll through tiktok and tumblr and then I "wake back up" again. I "sleep" when the gym is closed.

Wanna get to know me more? Please send an ask or message me im lonely and very open and honest about what I go through (except the disorder I will not disclose to anyone, thank you in advance for respecting that boundary!).

I love music and deeply enjoy connecting through music with people. I listen to anything I can understand the words to (this excludes country im sorry).

My favorite things to consume? Cigarette smoke and human hearts 💕

and taco bell 🥺

I like playing the cello, doing art (painting, sculpting, throwing, drawing, digital, animation, glass work, and a few lesser ones). I love and adore my partner they are the best thing that has happened to me. I like driving and singing.

I dislike showers (body dismorphia and gender dysphoria and ptsd, MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS), and yeah.

Im getting tired fucking finally after 2 days so I have to act now and sleep or else it'll be 2 more. Please message me if you have any question, need advice, want to talk and chat, ect. Disclaimer: if you are asking for advice I reserve the right to refuse and turn you down. This is not personal. You issues are real and they are valid you're on fucking eddie tumblr for God's sake.

DNI: Pedo/pedo sympathizers, under 18, fat phobic, homophobic, transphbic, or a generally shitty person.

Ok off to bed I go. Thanks for reading even though I know no one did. Thanks for letting me pretend.

Goodnight friends! Good morning? Fuck off dude idk, it's 5am.

[peachpitmp3]

bESTIE

I HAVE. TALL ENERGY?? THAT IS SUCH A COMPLIMENT OH MY GOD /pos

yeah but i'm 5'2 yeehaw, some of my friends have to bend over/hunch their shoulders somewhat in order to talk to me fshdjklfxj

mm yeah that's fair honestly, it was an okay book if you ignore the problematic bits which. questionable way to read any book. but i don't think you're missing out on much with catcher in the rye. lmk if you like the odyssey!! i'm interested in seeing if my opinion was biased bc of school or not (or if i re-read it i'd like it more, idk!)

oooooooh !!!!! that's going on my tbr list, so thank you for the half-rec? i've wanted to read it vaguely, but !!! if you liked it i'm sure i would too yknow?

FHSKLDJF fair fair. we also did a typing game!! it was called type to learn? idk if that's the same one you did or not

pesto pasta is incredible. amazing. beloved. cooking in general is quite useful, i mean. most people do need to consume sustenance or whatever. and i guess people like their nutrients to taste good or something like that. idk. *checks palm* i too lick god food, fellow humans *nods wisely*

!!! shirt. dilf. shirt. but you're so right that shirt is wonderful

sdhfjklwjsdbfiuxh and you're so valid for that!!

favorite image (ish) (i'm lazy but i have most of my images in folders and don't want to look through all the tiny little icons of pictures, and plus i have a few out)

what's something you regret spending so much time on? if you had a jean jacket to decorate with pins and patches, what would be some of your ideal decorations? if you got a houseplant, what type would you want? random, but actually useful website that you use? what browser extensions do you have? f- 🌵

hmm maybe! it sounds really fun and interesting, but i'm not very good at sticking to plans if there's no one else with me so i'd. probably get sidetracked and/or lost which is maybe not very sustainable? math!! it's a uh. certainly a thing. geometry can BURN IN HELL, but algebra is really fun :)

when i was younger i used to stay up late in the dark and watch five minute craft videos :/ i wish i could have gone back in time and told myself to a) read more books instead!! no internet only books <3 (to clarify, i did read a lot of books at night, but i wasted a crap ton of time on those stupid youtube vides) and b) save my eyesight because i'm almost certain that was Worsening Me Eyes from a young age. art and music, honestly. i wish i could draw, or paint, or draw digitally but i Cannot. and i wish i had discovered more music artists from a younger age, instead of cramming them all into the now, because i don't think i'm absorbing a whole lot of it! that's okay though because at least it's fun :DD

flying squirrel!!! have i told you about my younger obsession with them? i think so,,, not sure. but yep! flying squirrel <3

what's something you regret spending so much time on? if you had a jean jacket to decorate with pins and patches, what would be some of your ideal decorations? if you got a houseplant, what type would you want? random, but actually useful website that you use? what browser extensions do you have? if you started a podcast, what would it be about? - 🌵

NO YOU LITERALLY DO. like if i had to guess i wouldve said you were at LEAST 5'6"

dw i'm still shorter than u tho <333

oooh yeah okay my sister is reading it for school rn so once she's done i'll steal it and see what i think :)

yeah yeah !! let me know what u think if u end up reading it. i LOVE talking about that book sm

hmm no it was not that one. that sounds kinda. fun ?? ish ???? no ours was called typing instructor for kids or something. it was like a treasure hunt sorta game ?? and as you went through different locations you learned different keys. fun times

"*checks palm* i too lick god food, fellow humans *nods wisely*" HELP. SKFHWEGSJOSJFLS. i mean idk personally i just like me some chicken nuggets but. cooking is cool !! we shall see. i really really just want mac n cheese that isn't the boxed kind lol

SHIRT DILF SHIRT. SO TRUE.

OH DUDE THAT IS A SICK FUCKING IMAGE. I WANT THAT SHIRT . HELP ???? THAT IS SO COOL.

LMAO that is very very fair. yeah. being lost would def be a concern. and omg no LITERALLY. geometry is awful but algebra is cool !!

HELP NOT THE FIVE MINUTE CRAFTS.... I DID THAT TOO THO. but yeah books would probably have been better. for a lot of reasons. oh god same.... society if we could draw ......... ooooh yeah that makes sense !! yeah it's hard to absorb all the musics ™ if it is all coming in at once. .. . . dude flying squirrels are so cool yes omg

hmmm something i regret spending so much time on.... probably watching shows that i never really liked in the first place? like i binge watched both greys anatomy and criminal minds and neither of them were particularly fun for me. and binging them had really negative impacts on my sleep schedule and how i did in school so...... hm. no thanks.

ooooh i would probably want a cactus patch (<333) and a mushroom or fourteen and maybe the nonbinary flag if i was feeling risky LMAO. also maybe some sort of book patch. or pin idk.

i would want a cute lil succulent that looks great but doesn't take that much attention to keep alive. random but useful... uhhh... how about random but useless. tumblr dot com. no uhhh hmmmm probably the tag replacer for tumblr !! i use it a lot when my mutuals change their aliases or when i wanna change how i tag something !!!

browser extensions uhhh. netflix party and google docs dark mode. on my school acc i have momentum ?? oh also i have honey and grammarly which i am THIS close to deleting it's so fucking ANNOYING.

omg if i started a podcast... it would probably just be about reading every single queer book that people freak out about on tumblr and giving my honest opinions on them lmao. also shows. and movies.

if you started a podcast, what would it be about? do you listen to audiobooks? in a perfect world, what would your ideal house be like? what would you have in it? do you enjoy writing essays?

[jupitermelichios]

DC: The High-School AU: The Series: The Staff (the musical)

So I finally cast the school staff and teachers for my DC High School AU, which I thought some of you would have some fun with! I took the subject list from a fairly fancy looking private school, because only schools you have to pay for have their subject lists online, so I’m probably offering way more classes than your average state school, but hey, it’s my AU and I wanted to cram in as many supervillains, obscure heroes, and bad jokes as possible.

Admin & Staff

Principle - Amanda Waller

Deputy Principle & Treasurer - Noah Kuttler (the Calculator)

Nurse - Myra Mason (she was Dr Midnite’s nurse and love interest in the 40s & 50s, then got fridged, but I’m unfridging her and giving her a job with much better survival prospects)

Councillor - Ethel Peabody (she’s a psychiatrist from the Gotham TV show, and also in my headcanon, Amanda Waller’s sister)

Librarian - Stanislaus Johns (The Librarian. I considered bookworm for this job but he’s literally called the Librarian, what was I supposed to do, not use him?)

Admin Staff - Laura Conway (Superman supporting cast and occaisional vampire), Mabel Martin (Riddler’s secretary), Theresa Collins (Goldstar, also Booster Gold’s secretary)

Business

Loren Jupiter (aka Mr Jupiter the richest and therefore most thrustworthy man in the world) - Business 101, Business Law, Entrepreneurship

Wesley Dodds (Sandman) - Business Communications

Annabeth Chamberlain (Brimstone) - Marketing, Hospitality & Tourism (she doesn’t work in tourism, but I figure anyone who can waitress while also having the power to set people on fire and damn them to hell and keeps her job probably knows a whole lot about customer service)

Family & Consumer Science

Miss Tribb (Lobo’s childhood teacher who inexplicably survived the extinction of their species) - Childhood Developement, Early Childhood Education

Neil Richards (The Mad Mod) - Texiles/Sewing, Fashion

Tenzil Kem (Matter-Eater Lad) - Food & Nutrition

Finance

Noah Kuttler (The Calculator) - Personal Finance

Foreign Languages

Matron Bertinelli (Nu52 Huntress, who I’m declaring a sepperate character and the aunt of pre-52 Huntress because they’re radically different characters and I like both of them) - ASL, Italian

Chang Jie-Ru (Nu52 Yo-Yo) - Chinese, AP Chinese

Yolanda Montez (Wildcat II) - Spanish, AP Spanish

Barbara Minerva (Cheetah) - Latin

Health Sciences

Myra Mason - Emergency Medical Responder training

Charles McNider (Dr Midnite) - Anatomy & Physiology, Health Class

IT

Brian Durlin (Savant) - Computer Programming, Web Dev

Jennifer Lyn-Hayden (Jade) - Digital Art 101

Arnold Wesker (Ventriloquist) - 3D Animation, 3D Graphics (I don’t know why but the idea of Wesker as an animator just tickled me. Obviously his real passion is stop-motion, but he learnt 3D because there were more jobs)

English (the fancy private school called this ‘language arts’ which is so prentious it makes me feel slightly nauseous)

Wesley Dodds (Sandman) - English Language, AP English Language

Rac Shade (Shade the Changing Man) - English Literature, AP English Literature

Chloe Sullivan (the worst character in the Smallville TV show, a hotly contested position) - English Language, Communications 101, supervises the School Paper and the Yearbook

Shelly Gaynore (The Whip III) - Englist Literature, Creative Writing

Basil Karlo (Clayface) - Intro to Shakespeare

Nick Scratch (officially his supervillain name is just Scratch, but I refuse to consider that a code-name, looking at you Drake) - Communications 102: Public Speaking

Mathematics (which has a 100% villain make-up, which seems accurate from what I remember of high-school maths)

Noah Kuttler (The Calculator, because I think I’m funny) - Pre-Calc, Calculus, AP Calculus

Harlan Graves (The Underbroker) - Stats, Algebra 1, Algebra 2

Angelo Bend (Angle Man, becuase I know I’m funny) - Geometry, Trigonometry

PE (I realise this is probably too many PE teachers but there are a lot more caonical althetes than just about any other job in the DCU except maybe scientist)

Lawrence Crock (Sportsmaster, you knew this was coming) - Gym, Weight Training, coaches Baseball, Basketball, Tennis & Hockey

Lisa Snart (Golden Glider) - joint-coaches Cheerleading, coaches the Drill Team, Wrestling

Randy Hanrahan (Stallion) - PE, joint-coaches Cheerleading & Cross-Country, coaches Football

William Everett (Amazing Man) - PE, joint-coaches Cross-Country, coaches Track & Field

Matron Bertinelli (Huntress, sort of) - coaches Soccer & gymnastics

Performing Arts

Lisa Snart (Golden Glider) - Dance

Hartley Rathaway (Pied Piper) - Music 101, Music Theory, Composition, teaches Guitar & Percussion

Isaac Bowin (The Fiddler) - Music 101, AP Music Theory, leads Jazz Band, Orchestra, Marching Band

Siobhan Smyth (Silver Banshee) - part-time, leads the Choir and teaches singing

Basil Karlo (Clayface) - Theatre, Theatre 101

Simon Trent (Grey Ghost) - Theatre, Theatre 101, Film Studies

Ted Kord (Blue Beetle) - Theatre Tech

Mary Louise Dahl (Baby-Doll, from B:TAS) - Film Studies, Video Production

Betty Bates (Lady-at-Law, who is technically owned by DC now due to corporate buy-outs) - Debate

Science (do you have any idea how hard it is to pin down areas of specialisation for comic book scientists? TNT is on this list entirely because he’s the only actual honest-to-god professional chemist I could find)

Kirk Langstrom (ManBat) - Biology, AP Biology

Pamela Isley (Poison Ivy) - Biology, Environmental Science

Thomas “Tex” Thomas (TNT) - Chemistry

Achilles Milo (Professor Milo, again not really much of a code name) - Chemistry, AP Chemistry

Will Magnus (I refuse to even dignify it as a code-name) - Physics, Earth Sciences

Ray Palmer (The Atom) - Physics, AP Physics

Adam Strange (DC is just doing this to fuck with me, personally) - Astronomy

Social Studies & Humanities

Barbara Minerva (Cheetah) - World History

Maxie Zeus (ffs) - World History, AP World History (fun fact, Maxie was canonically just a normal history teacher before he got lightning powers, became convinced he was Zeus incarnate, and set out to become a criminal, making him my favourite DC mobster by a country mile)

Terry Long (aka one of the only characters to really deserve to get fridged) - US History, AP European History

Eobard Thawne (every code-name he has is stupid, but lets just go with Reverse-Flash as the least awful option) - US History, AP US History

Nick Scratch - US Government, AP US Government, AP Comparative Politics

Rex Tyler (Hourman) - AP Art History

Magdalene Kyle-Burton (Sister Zero, she’s a sometimes-nun and a sometimes-sister to Catwoman) - Comparative Religion

Michael Carter (Booster Gold) - Economics, AP Microeconomics, AP Macroeconomics

Jonathan Crane (Scarecrow) - Psychology (there is exactly one heroic psychiatrist in all of comics, and I’d already used Dr Fate elsewhere. Scarecrow seemed like the least bad option of the remaining pool for being around children, and he does at least have teaching experience)

Adam Strange - Sociology

Betty Bates (Lady-at-Law) - Law

Richard Occult/Rose Psychic (it’s complicated, lets just say Dr Occult and leave it at that) - part-time, Criminal Justice

Technology & Engineering

Ted Kord (Blue Beetle) - Electronics, CAD, Woodworking

John Henry Irons (Steel) - Engineering, Metalworking

Will Magnus - Robotics

Visual Arts

Linda Lee/Danvers (she’s Supergirl, but I’m making her a different character from Kara Danvers/Kent because the DCU is really short on artists and I needed someone to teach the damn class, although the only thing that really makes her distinct from other supergirls is that she fucked a horse that one time and IDK how that will translate into a personality...) - Ceramics, AP Studio Art: 3D Design, Art 101

Rex Tyler (Hourman) - Graphic Design, Drawing, AP Studio Art: Drawing

Jack Knight (Starman) - Painting, AP Studio Art: 2D Design, Art 101

Jennifer Lyn-Hayden (Jade) - Photography

So there you go - I’ll be honest I still don’t really understand how high-schools in the USA work, and I have no idea what Design studio art even is so I kind of assigned those ones at random, but now it’s done and cannot be changed.

As always this universe is open to prompts so if you want a chapter focussing on any of these characters just drop me an ask or a comment and I’ll see what I can do. Making Dr Occult & Rose Psychic a single gender-fluid person is already on my list to do, since that’s who I thought they were for a longest time when I started reading comics and I’m still kind of annoyed that isn’t canonically what’s going on.

[tarithenurse]

The good Villain - 8

Based on the prompt “You’re the villain and you know that you just want the ‘good guys’ to understand why”

Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader Content: Mission with all it entails: violence, killing, gore, angst. We also have a bit of fluff going on at some point though it’s paired with a neat scoop of denial. And much more! A/N: Busy day today! Gonna attend a wedding that’s been 20 years in the waiting or so, and it’s Superbowl night which is always fun…though it’s more for the company for me. Thanks for all the loving, reblogs, and likes!

Chapter 8

…   Reader   …

He was everywhere you went. Not just the meetings where you and the Avengers put your heads together in an effort to intensify the search for the last Leech but also when you were going to the kitchen or even at night, Loki would either already be there or appear shortly after. One day Romanoff showed you the gym with all its equipment begging to be used and it took less than an hour before the Asgardian revealed the library, telling you how you could normally find him there.

At first you suspected he was guarding you due to lack of trust. You may not have been a prisoner anymore, there was no cell at least, but you were still a stranger disrupting the natural balance in a group vital to this planet. As time passed, however, and you spent time on scouting missions and at the team’s base it became evident that his reasoning was personal.

This theory was solidified the day Banner announced to have found a potential suspect.

Together with Stark and Romanoff, he had created a series of algorithms scouring the digital records of Terrans within a certain area to compare medical data, and social media, plus changes in their behavioural patterns. The metal-armed Barnes and his friend with the shield had left to verify the suspicion before you were notified.

All you could do was wait. The moment they returned, you confronted them.

…

“Another restless night?” Loki’s voice is a clear chime calling you back to reality gently.

Swinging down from the bar to land on the floor, you shake your limbs out after the exercises without worthying him an answer. Just go. Of course, he does not leave, choosing instead to draw nearer.

Plopping onto a bench along the wall, you feel the restlessness return as an itch in your legs and a chest full of knots of worry. Tomorrow. You have stopped counting the time spent hunting the monsters that killed your crew – your friends – a long time ago. One goal. One all-consuming mission culminating with a plan that you have gotten approved by the Captain. Tomorrow. By this time tomorrow, your hunt will be over. I should be relieved, but I am not.

As if reading your mind, Loki nudges you gently back to the present. “Do not worry, my pet.” He sits down next to you, calm and cool. “Everything will go well…the plan is good.”

“I know.” Being near to him soothes your nerves if only a little.

“Then you can clear your name, live your life.” There is an edge to his voice which you cannot place. “Regain your honour.”

“No.” You can see the answer startles him. “I will return, but not to clear my name.”

“You are innocent! You may have escaped prison, but you got justice fo-“

“Justice?” You barely contain the sarcastic laughter as you round on him. “Do not pretend to think this ever was about justice or honour! It was revenge and nothing more! The leeches are simply a species doing what they must whereas I was the one who brought my crew in danger…th- hrm…the one who brought their end upon them.” Ignoring his protests, you carry on, unable to stop despite a breaking voice now you have started talking. “I shall return home…face the Elders and accept my punishment with peace in my heart.” Fists balled and body shaking, restlessness has morphed through anger into determination.

“You’ve nothing to atone for!” he cries out, a cold hand grasping yours and sending (not unpleasant) shivers along your spine, “y- ‘tis time for you to live.”

“That is not your decision…and why do you even care?”

From what you have learned about the smooth-talking God of Mischief, the sight of him sitting there with his mouth ajar yet nothing to say is rare. A soft blush paints the pale face even as he gathers his wits once more. “At least stay for the celebration. The uh they always mark a successful completion of a mission with a party.”

You hesitate, knowing that it will only be postponing the inevitable. Still, a little chip of your heart is urging you to accept the offer. One night of freedom. Looking down, you realize his hand has not moved but that at some point you have returned the gesture by wrapping your fingers around his. Oh. Gingerly, perhaps not to appear rude, you free yourself from the connection and start to leave.

“…[Y/N]…?”

Why do I hesitate? Maybe the question is unnecessary if only you would accept a new feeling inside your chest. “Fine, I will participate in the revels.”

 …   Loki   …

It is a dreary morning with grey clouds hanging low over the city, shielding it from the beginning day at least until the sun eventually would gain enough power to evaporate the layer. For now, however, it also served as a natural softener of all sounds as the mismatch tea of Midgardians, Asgardians, and a Betan move towards the house in the suburbs.

The entrance is swift and quiet. In groups of two or three, they move from room to room. Loki is among those covering the ground floor and it allows him to see the father of the family rounding on Barnes who only keeps a safe distance between them thanks to a strong hold with the metal arm. By the Norns! What they had expected to be a docile civilian opens his mouth further than humanly possible to reveal a black nothingness where teeth and tongue should have been. A strange sound of air being sucked picks up for a second before a shimmering metal rod flies past Barnes’ face and into the gaping mouth, effectively killing the not-so-human man.

“What…the fuck?!” Barnes’ is clearly shaken as he stares at the corpse.

Everyone else is looking to [Y/N] who steps over to retrieve her weapon.

“Leech.” She wipes off the blood on the dead’s pants with a sigh. “Once the soul is completely gone the feeding Leech can choose to either let the corpse die naturally…or they can multiply by inserting a shard of themselves.”

“So…the others?” Rogers might both be referring to the former victims of the Leeches as well as the rest of the family.

“Doubt it,” [Y/N] shrugs, “does not seem to be possible several times in a row…”

There is a soft sound over the com in Loki’s ear and he knows everyone on the team hears it too when Natasha speaks. “Eyes on kids and mother upstairs, left off the stairs.”

“On my way,” the Betan responds before continuing to the three males around her, “get this one on there.” She motions to the couch.

Rather than helping them, Loki hurries after [Y/N].

Upstairs, the sight is differently gruesome with three Avengers’ weapons trained on a girl of maybe six years and her mother who is cradling a baby in her arms – a clearly lifeless child though the woman does not seem to have noticed neither that nor the intruders. In fact, only the little girl appears to be aware of anything. Blond curls, rosy cheeks, dead eyes staring at the strangers.

“You gotta be kiddin’ me,” Stark groans, “it’s the kid?”

“Of course…no one mistrusts a youngling. They can get close enough to feed.” The hollow voice of the Betan does nothing to resolve the tension, and it is possible to see Barton’s bow tremble.

Stark simply powers down the weapons imbedded in the suit’s gloves. “I…I can’t do it.”

“Go downstairs,” Natasha offers, “you too, Clint.”

…

Grim faces on everyone. Gathered in the living room, they have placed the entire family in the couch – three of them with lethal wounds as proof of the closest thing to mercy the Betan could grant. Now she is rummaging through the kitchen while the others try to come to terms with what has happened. Words unspoken, yet most of the Avengers clearly shaken.

“Let’s get outta here,” Stark croaks, “clean-up’s coming to deal with…this.” The half-hearted wave of his hand encompasses the entire situation.

The Betan returns with several bottles of flammable liquids and all the paper around. “No rush…”

She barely gets time to open the cleaning alcohol before the remedies are snatched from her by the Captain. “Not this time.”

“We have to.”

“I said no.”

“But in a mo-“

“No!”

Ignoring the order, [Y/N] tries to bypass him only to be shoved backwards into Loki’s arms that instinctively wrap around her. “Not this time, pet, let them do this the Midgardian way.”

Suddenly, he has to fight to hold her back as a panicked anger takes over her mind. Curses and warnings become garbled as she screams out the frustrations, and the rage only subsides once Loki has managed to drag her outside though the woman does not relax. Eyes trained on the door. Body taught and shivering against his chest.

“It’s okay, pet,” he soothes, “it’s over. You can let go of it.”

“Not yet…not over yet…”

As if to prove her right a gun goes off inside. Once. Twice. Moments later smoke begins to billow, herding out Thor, Stark, Clint, Rogers, Romanoff, and Barnes.

“The…the father…” the metal-suited man explains, “he…woke up? He started moving…”

Flames are licking against the windows now and it is possible to feel the heat already. Finally, with a deep sigh, [Y/N] relaxes against the Asgardian’s chest, allowing the years of stress to be replaced with a bone-deep exhaustion.

She is asleep in his embrace by the time they return.

[deviationdivine]

Holy- can you imagine with the whole hickey thing, the reader is fussing at them and the boys just make direct eye contact and are like, "From the way you were moaning last night I thought you enjoyed my name," cause like 👀

Oh anon you don’t know the half of it baby. Let me break itdown for you: 

Connor looks like an innocent puppy in the mornings. Wakingup, basking in the glow of his human who he happens to tease by leaving obvioussigns of his love. Everyone should know you belong to someone and that someoneis him. Oh, it’s too obvious that he does this on purpose. 

“No, Love. I only meant to show you how much I loveyou.” 

Negotiator android on site! Protocols call for deftprecision in convincing you otherwise. He smirks behind your back, chocolateeyes boring fiery, needy on his handiwork. 

You ignore his excuses attempting to apply enough make up tocover up his tracks. Why are his fingers suddenly there getting in theway? Stroking along those marks in a thorough admiration of how well he paintedyou for wandering eyes to steer clear. His touch is too much to handleespecially when you are supposed to be angry with him!

“Connor, you better stop.” Brushing his arm aside grants youa quick embrace as he tugs your back against his firm chest. Leaning down topress cool lips over the rapid pulse of your throat, drinking in the very humanessence that makes you thrive in his arms, that makes him more alive.

“Do you want me to stop yet?” he asks on purpose, pepperingkisses against the love bites. Drawing your chin up under his hand to make youlook in the mirror and his eyes connect direct through glass.

A hitch of breath tightens an already aching chest. Achingfrom those sensations he continues to ghost your body with shivering goose bumps.Anger steels your gaze to the best of ability but seeing that sweet face formsuch a sly, lusty smile in response to his mouth work previous evening disarms.All it takes is one husky breath:

“From the way you were moaning last night I thought youenjoyed my name, Y/N.”

Connor’s tone deepens, tapping into his dominant side. Thevery part of his programming that makes him a detective prototype. To you it ishis way of turning you on to no end, “Don’t you, Love?”

“Yes, Detective.”

“I honestly do not see the issue.”

How prim is he going to be today? Acting as if he did NOT dothis on purpose! Can’t even believe this android of all people, dressed up inhis white jacket, snug turtleneck fitted across his broad chest showing offthose pecs you so love to trace with fingers, lips.

If you didn’t know he was an android he would look like atypical pompous prince sitting there with a leg crossed, shoes shined toperfection, not a hair out of place; potentially sipping a Macchiato if hecould consume proper sustenance. The closest thing is him seated straight backed,all of the above without his coffee but with a personal digitized pad in handprocessing electronic ‘paperwork’ for DPD.

The vague smirk on his lips is what really starts youtearing down the walls of this beautifully shared flat. You know damn well hedid this on purpose.

“Nines, I am going to kill you!”

“Hmm,” he hums disinterested in the threat. Clearly, theRK900 finds nothing at all concerning in his craftsmanship. Emblazoned serialmeets warm skin in a way, a manner beseeching how utterly important you are tohim. As well as to force anyone, android and human alike to look elsewhere; heswipes a finger across screen.

Indifference be damned! You march over, every intention topull that pad out from under his nose. Always raised upright as though he werekingly looking down on everyone else as his meaningless subjects, it suits theandroid’s blustery disposition.

However, he completely unravels from his stoic crown,wrapping fingers around your wrist and pulling you down with him upon loveseat. The soft cream is a perfect match to his monochrome aesthetic but hiseyes, crystalline fire, are most beautiful, hungry of all.

A huff escapes you, pushing upright with palms against hischest. Entirely muscled beneath that soft fabric and all yours to mark if youso choose. It’s really a shame you can’t get him back properly for thesehickies. His healing component always spoils the fun.

“You did so love to moan my name,” he growls against yourear. Pulling you flush, tangling fingers with yours in a show of affection hereserves for quiet moments alone. “I imagined you would enjoy it upon yourbody, Y/N. Or was I mistaken?”

An immediate build of arousal consumes and flips anger toneed. Guttural, raw his voice teases as his artificial breath invades in ashiver. The question is almost a challenge and you melt upon this harsh androidin molten desire.

“N-no,” you stammer. “But you’re going to pay eventually.”

A rare chuckle rumbles against your palms where touchremains in a brace atop the android’s chest. “I look forward to it…little bite.”

A smirk is already on his face by the time you awaken.Curling up as a feral feline, gazing over your curves, skin smooth and limbsquaking beneath him just hours ago into night. How delicious.  He enjoys whenyou yell at him. It sends his circuits into overdrive. A pleasant searing heatripples outwardly, tendrils ablaze in this deviancy that he scoffs at but alsoembraces as he embraces you.

Oh, does he love the anger on your face. When you begin torealize as he casually dresses, not a hair out of line. Not even a blemish toshow for your long hours of sex.

The smell remains in his advanced processors long after thefact. He gets off on that residual aroma of pleading sighs, slippery skin.

You do look beautiful marked by his expert mouth. Expert youthink but this android also knows how good he performs.

“Little fucker!”

You push at his shoulder to attempt rustling him. His smileonly widens. This is exactly what you hate about him! It’s also what youcompletely adore but who’s counting how many kinks this android has to make youquiver head to toe? He knew what he was doing too! He wanted to see how long ittook and of course he got what he wanted.

Now he’s trying to ignore your wrath. Sometimes you thinkthis boy is a masochist on a good day.

“I swear to God, Sixty!”

“Yes?” he addresses you quite seriously, tilting his headwhile adjusting a tie around his collar. “You rang, Sweetness?”

Scoffing doesn’t do a response to that smug attitudejustice. Of course he does this to rile you up. Best way to get a reaction andoh does he get plenty of them out of you. They’re always very good but today he’sgoing to get it.

“You know damn well we’re not through with thisconversation. Need I show you again?” Pointing at your throat, pressing thighstogether out of instinct since he left bites there too, you glare.

“Just slap some paint on them.” The android waves off yourrage. It’s beautiful on your face.

“Paint? Oh! You mean like the paint you used to…!”

Everything stops when this android snags your waist. Pullingyou into him, lips crashing hungrily against yours and the very moans from lastnight return in a flutter of wings. Weightless you become, sinking against yourboyfriend, the same model type as his co-worker.

RK800-60’s smile is partially sinful but most assuredly inlove. “Do you hear that?” Sixty traces a fingertip in a swoop lining the shapehe carefully suckled and bit into flesh. “It sounds like a gospel of moans tome. The very moans that spilled as such a delectable choir up your throat. Fromthe sound of them, I thought you liked my name…little lamb.”

Oh, somebody needs to smack him upside the head. Shudderingagainst his solid frame, you realize that’s going to have to wait a bit longer.

[jaz-transmits-official]

How do you draw stuff? Ive been drawing digitally and yeah, its fun but... GOD IS COLORING IT TIME CONSUMING.(also, im very impressed by how good your art is dispite how quick you are with it- hope you're not neglecting taking care of yourself)

Paint bucket tool and preset colors. I only manually color the spots where the paint bucket cant reach. Shading is also kept really really simple and on a clipping layer. I keep characters and background seperate so they can be shading seperately with clipping layers.

No worries, the only thing I'm neglecting is my sleep schedule and my arthritis :')

[morethanithoughtofficialblog]

Chapter 7: As useless as a broken mirror

In which you realize your life is crap... 

for now

*Your POV*

Talking with someone yesterday was good, I guess. I normally talk about work topics only, so it feels weird to have a casual conversation about... anything. And it was weirder, considering Sans was the one talking.

It would be today, though, the day where we would see each other again in order to discuss... more terms. They all deserve to know and I also need a few papers for them in order to get them into society. I just need the basics, though- report cards, previous jobs on the Underground, and I will put them some tests in order to see which educational level fits better each of them. But that will be later.

So there I was, waking up and trying to french kiss the morning as Bon Jovi does. And failing miserably, just as always.

I tried my best to keep a smile on my face. It didn't work out, either. I groaned loudly, realizing that it was four in the morning. So yeah, I just can't french kiss the morning when it isn't morning, you know. And so I felt stupid and went back to sleep...

...

Except I didn't.

No matter how many positions I tried or how many different pillows I took, I just couldn't get my head together. I was thinking about everything and, at the same time, about nothing at all. I felt numb yet desperate to be a normal person and fall sleep immediately, considering how freaking tired I actually was.

I sat on my bed silently and put on the lights. Bad idea, but I still do it every night like this.

I frowned remarkably and stood there until my eyes got accustomed to the light. And then I started to question what the hell was I doing, as usual.

I looked at my annoying digital clock again: 4:11 am.

Great, guess I'll stay like this until the day officially starts... or until I pass out, that is.

Maybe a good drink would have been great to forget it all. Then I remembered that I had work and that, besides, I don't drink. I groaned again.

I felt like crying, like screaming or like to go outside and let a fucking weirdo kill me or make me disappear forever...

That's the worst idea I've ever had.

I wanted to punch something; maybe a mirror, maybe that elegant flower vase with a dead daisy on it, or the TV. All of those were great options, honestly. But I wasn't up to clean the mess or to deal with angry neighbors, so I didn't move.

I shoot a glance at one of my bureaus, that only had an old book on its top. Maybe I could read. I tried to stretch my hand and get it, but I ended up falling out of the bed, making my head hurt like hell. Ouch. Maybe I couldn't, after all.

I, unsurprisingly, groaned again. If I had a cent for every time I have groaned in my life, I could probably have a car instead of taking that goddamn subway. Or I could get a house. Or a life...

Nah. That's way too expensive.

I eventually got up and stared at my drawer. Then, without thinking, I opened it. My heart sank when it did.

Medicines here, medicines there. Medicines FUCKING EVERYWHERE! There was barely any space left for even a fricking pill. This is not the first time I have seen this, though, but it still hurts to see how pathetic I am. This is just a small proof. There's more, that's for sure.

I stood there silently, anxiety consuming me over. I could even make a fucking drug store out of this drawer...

Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea.

I shook my head, resisting the urge to be sarcastic to myself... again.

But, yes, I had such a huge variety I could make a store out of it. Do you have anxiety? Well, Zoloft for you, that is! Are you depressed like me? Well here, took a Prozac pill! Come here and get your problems away...

And contribute to mine.

Oh my god, just end my suffering.

Thanks to my wonderful boss and work partners (including college and the monsters' case, of course), I forgot that I had emotional problems as well. And that means that I haven't been following my treatment. For months.

Shit.

Then I started to wonder when I had to see my psychiatrist again. I probably missed the date he gave me. Just wonderful, right?

I sighed and closed the drawer, feeling worse than before. I went to the bathroom to see my wound but there wasn't anything there. Thank God.

I ended up looking at my face, slightly frowning. People have said that I'm pretty, yes, but I think that's just out of sympathy. Therefore, I haven't been comfortable with my looks since... a long time ago.

My (e/c) eyes looked paler than when I was a kiddo. Ah, childhood. It was wonderful in its own way. No problems, no low self-esteem, no nothing. Just laughs and friends, videogames and nights playing Dungeons and Dragons with my dorky dad and my aunt. Those were good days.

I remember that I received a lot of comments, telling me that I would have a brilliant future. Hard to believe in that now, looking at what was happening.

I work in Congress and I am finishing my studies to finally become a biochemist. Being a scientist has been my dream, and I'm just a few steps before I can call myself "Dr. (Y/N)". And I'm just twenty.

When I was little, my dad took me to a neurologist in order to see my IQ. She said, in a few words, that I was super smart and super talented. I believed it but never used it as an excuse to think of me better than anyone else. Right then, I thought everyone had talents and intelligence. Now... I'm seriously doubting all those encouraging words were true. Because, even if I was a nerd, that never meant my future would be brighter.

A lot of my school partners and friends are being way happier than I am, having a perfect balance between emotions, college, and work. Me, who 'has it all' to become an important person, somehow has three mental breakdowns (at least) in one day, and it's struggling between having or not new friends, afraid of screwing up.

Is this what my parents would have wanted? For me to be a coward?

Well, surprise surprise. Your daughter is such a disappointment of a kid.

I'm a genius. That's what experts told me. They also said that this high IQ thingy may include problems socializing and, well, even mental illnesses. To be honest, I prefer being normal and not having these things than being a Leonardo Da Vinci and die internally every five seconds.

Then I noticed a warm feeling on my cheeks.

Oh crap.

I snapped back to reality and saw myself in front of the mirror, crying as if my life depended on it. Well, it kinda does, but that's not the point.

I tried to wipe them as quickly as possible, trying to banish that feeling instantly. But instead, I cried harder. And harder. And I felt more miserable than before, if that was possible.

My legs felt like jello and my eyes turned all red and puffy. My mouth was shaking, trying to transform itself into a smile. Why was I crying, again? Oh yeah, because I hate myself so much. I look awful, I'm just full of myself, lonely, and easily replaceable. There's nothing I can do about it.

I will finish my dream career, but all for what? To be more stressed? I don't know if I can quit at the Congress since I kind of accepted to be the ambassador of the monsters. Wow. I should have left someone more capable than I am to do the job. Now I'm going to disappoint them as well, whenever they see how weak I am. I mean, I'm crying while I'm looking at myself in the night... again. This is isn't new. But it just feels worst every time.

I gasped for air, almost forgetting how to breathe thanks to all that crying. I blinked a couple of times and took long breaths until I calmed down. When my vision wasn't blurry anymore, I saw my face again. All red and uglier than before. I looked like a baby losing its toy, like a child whining, or like a teenager who has an impossible crush.

I frowned, knowing I wasn't any of them. I was an adult, for God's sake.

Can this get more frustrating?

Can I be more pathetic?

I closed my fist and punched the mirror until my fingers went numb and my blood painted my whole hand...

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*Frisk's POV*

I woke up later than usual, rubbing my eyes at the incoming sunlight. I groaned at the clock, seeing it was 10 am. But deep down I knew that Toriel would come for me, and so I got up.

I took a quick shower and put into more presentable clothes. I colocated a cute ribbon on my brown hair, feeling quite silly yet pretty. I stared at the mirror and saw my look with satisfaction. I was looking great! I even made some silly faces and giggled a little before coming out, interrupted by an angry skeleton who wanted to take a shower.

"kid, just fucking get out of there! what're you doin'? takin' a trip to narnia?"

"Sans, behave yourself!!!"

"...sorry ari-mom..."

I contained my laughter, knowing that Sans would be really angry if he heard me, and I walked out of the bathroom. Just a second passed before a quick flash of white ran into the room and locked the door. Oh, Sans, since when are you this desperate to take a shower?

The ones who hadn't showered groaned impatiently. I would have too since Sans lasts a long time in the shower. One time I swear I heard him singing a popular rock song (so popular I don't remember its name) and then eventually creating a song of how much he loved ketchup...

...I must admit I feel worried about his future...

Eh... let's just hope for the best.

After a bunch of complainings towards him and more people showering, we could finally take breakfast together. Thank God they were pancakes, or else Undyne or Papyrus would be trying to find out the best egg combination (which, according to them, hasn't been found yet). At first, it is fun to hear their crazy ideas, but then it turns into a competition that I get somehow dragged into it. Most of the time voluntarily, though.

However, I was too excited to let all my energy be drowned into an egg fight. Today we will be seeing (Y/N) again, and honestly, I was looking for it! She's nice, and I've been waiting to be friends with her all this time. So now that everything was, well, settled, this was my chance!

We all ate rather quickly and head out of the house. However, Asgore stopped us before we could go running to... anywhere, actually.

"Let's wait here a moment, ok?" he smiled eagerly, making me suspicious.

So we waited there for five minutes or so until a simple-looking taxi made its way towards the house. Then a 5'5 feet tall woman got out of there, who I recognized immediately.

"(Y/N)!!!!!" Papyrus screamed unearthly loud, hugging (Y/N) immediately. She looked a little bit startled by such a sudden move but hugged back shortly after him.

"Hello, Papyrus. It is good to see you again...!" she tried her best to sound enthusiastic, but she felt somehow... different. Why, though?

"Oh, (Y/N) sweetie, I'm so glad you could make it!" Goat mom added with a smile, which (Y/N) returned it kindly. Maybe I was just imagining things, after all "But, hey, come in! We want you to see where we have been living all this time!"

Sans looked a bit tense but quickly relaxed. He must have forgotten for a second that Papyrus was his roommate. Therefore, there was NO WAY his room could be dirty. Since when he cares about that, though?

And so we gave (Y/N) a small tour through the small house. She behaved as always; shy, anxious, not wanting to intrude or sound rude, making small compliments and comments in amusement. She was just super nice! I think she's one of my favorite humans.

After making her laugh a bit and answer some of her own doubts about the Underground, we all headed off to the Congress, talking about the simplest of topics.

"Oh! I remember hearing a song called 'Imagine' one day!" I told (Y/N), keeping up with the musical topic (at Sans's petition).

"You have? Well, I mean... which artist are you talking about?"

"I think it was Marshmello"

"...then no, I haven't heard that one"

"Is there another song called 'Imagine'?" Alphys asked, curious about our conversation.

"well, there's john lennon's, y' know..." Sans added, smiling lazily.

(Y/N) seemed perplexed for a second, then smiled widely.

"Yep, John Lennon's 'Imagine' is my kind of... 'Imagine', you know"

Throughout all the way we all were talking about music. (Y/N) turns out to be a Rock N' Roll and Indie listener, similar to Sans's taste. She is kind of a music nerd, actually. She would give a casual comment of something history-related to music. I think Sans felt like he was on his own mind, opening up strangely. Then I realized he was just another music nerd, and that both of them were never given the chance to talk about this with others so freely.

However, I noticed an unusual expression on Sans's face. Not a good one, I must say. He wasn't suspicious or anything- by any chance, I think he was worried...

but of what?

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*Sans's POV*

It feels good to have someone to talk about these things. I mean, someone that at least can say who Slash is.

While I was talking to (Y/N), however, I noticed a wound on her right fist. Not to be rude, but she is a bit taller than I am, and I didn't want to look at a... private part of her body. Therefore, I ended up noticing a serious-looking injury on her fingers.

Should I ask?

I saw how happy she looked, talking about when she started to hear Rock N' Roll and watch concerts on TV.

Eh, I'll do it later...

Still, my mind wandered about that topic the rest of the road. And so, I didn't talk anymore, focusing on other things. Well, can you blame me? That looked like some serious shit happened.

When we arrived at the Congress, I noticed different looks from her work partners. I recognized one of the feelings on their looks: shame. They probably felt ashamed after hearing that we succeed. My smile grew wider, at least a bit, after thinking that.

We discussed a few things in her office like it was any day. Except it wasn't.

The human president made a public announcement on TV, radio, and social media, saying that monsters would be finally released and be accepted as legal citizens. Despite everything, I felt a bit uneasy. He might have been nice, but the others are clearly not like him. I just don't want to put Papy's security on risk.

We ended up leaving sooner than I thought, and for the first time in our lives, we used public transport. We received some glances, but in between, there were also kind smiles. Just like (Y/N)'s, just less dorky...

Did I just call the ambassador a dork?

I mentally groaned and took a seat, never erasing my apparently permanent smile. I felt like I was forgetting something, so I made a quick rewind on my head. But what would I have forgo- oh.

Oh.

You forgot to ask her, you idiot.