#difficult to tell how much is the book (and if so how much is you genuinely not vibing / liking it and how much is the book pushing you

[otaku0411]

A Future Rewritten

Summary: After years of dreaming of parenthood, Y/n and Nanami face the devastating loss of their first pregnancy. The grief threatens to consume their relationship as Y/n struggles with feelings of guilt and inadequacy while Nanami fights to hold their bond together.

TW: Miscarriages, infertility, mention of alcoholism, and depression episodes

A/n: This is my first angst-like fanfic so please don’t be too harsh and my first JJk fanfic🥲

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Both of y’all went to the doctor to see if there wer anything wrong that could affect yall fertility. The results came out great for Nanami. However for you, it said that you might be struggling with fertility issues. Doctor explained that it’s not impossible, but it will take a while longer for you to conceive. Feeling upset at the news, you try different herbs and positions that could increase your chance but nothing seems to work.

It became more difficult when friends and family would have get together and their children would be around playing in blissful innocence that they still have. There was one time where Gojo brought his son, and for some odd reason he was following Nanami around all day and your husband eventually gave in a play with him and even carried him on his back. That moment has you feeling so much pride but sadness because you couldn’t give him a baby. (It’s all your fault)

One morning, you woke up and immediately went to the bathroom and puke your gut out. This was abnormal, especially since you didn’t eat much of anything for dinner. Nanami knock on the door.

“Sweetheart, is everything alright?” He asked with concern in voice.

You flush the toilet and wash your hand and brush your teeth. “Everything good! Just needed to go to bathroom.” You chuckles, trying to play it off.

He doesn’t buy it one bit, he knows when you’re lying. He sighed” Okay but if you’re not feeling well, please tell me.”

“I will!” Nanami back up from the door and walked away.

You hate lying to him but you don’t want him to worry right now. You soon get ready for work and leave the house. Throughout the day, all you could think about is the vomit, but then you get a notification on your phone that says your cycles is 5 days late. Okay this is a sign!

After work, you when to the drugstore and went home. Luckily Nanami was still at work so you took the opportunity to take three pregnancy tests. You waited for 5 minutes. Those five minutes were the longest time you felt. Anticipated and nervous for the results. The timer went off and you decided to look.

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Nanami comes home with takeout from your favorite restaurant. He shouted out your name to announce he’s home. You slowly come out of the hallway with both of your hands behind your back.

“Hey love I brought yo-…….what’s behind your back?”He quickly noticed how you were standing. He look around you to see if he get a peep but you dogged his attempts.

You had a big grin on your face as you were too excited. You show him the pregnancy test with two big bold lines. Nanami looks and his eyes begin to widen as the realization hits him.

“You’re…..pregnant?” A smile and excitement creep on his face.

You eagerly nodded your head and before you could say anything, Nanami pick you up and hug you tightly.

“We’re gonna be parents!!!!” He chanted loudly. You laugh at his excitement. This was the best news he could get all year! He slowly put you down to look at you.

“I’m so happy to be a father and to have you as the mother of my children.” He caressed you gently and put his hand on your stomach.

“I can’t wait to meet you little guy.”

The next few months was full of restfulness and excitement for the arrival of the baby. Nanami has ordered many pregnancy books and preparation for the baby as you’ve been dealing with the occasional nausea and fatigue and sickness that comes with the first trimester of pregnancy. You two were at every appointment making sure that the pregnancy was going well and that the baby was progressing successfully.

On the 12th week, Yall had went to the appointment for an ultrasound to see the baby. Y’all were very excited to see the little one and to see how they were growing in your belly and any updates that you two need to know. The nurse happily lead you guys to the room, place you down on the bed by the ultrasound screen and put the cold gel on your stomach as she put the wand onto the stomach and begin moving around to see the baby. You and your husband hold each other hand excited to see the baby not knowing what was to come. The nurse who once looked at the screen once with a smiley, happy face turn into a very neutral expression on expression.

The nurse looked at you two and told you “I’ll be right back.” She left and you two were wondering what was going on y’all waited a few minutes and then the doctor came in and told you the heartbreaking news.

“I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Nanami but it appears that we could not have found a heartbeat we checked again and there are no sign of life.”

You two look at each other in shock at the new, not wanting to believe what the doctor is saying.

“What are you trying to say?” You didn’t comprehend what she’s saying, or rather what you don’t want to comprehend.

The doctor sighed as she basically realized she has to say the difficult part, “I’m saying you have miscarriage at 12 weeks.”

Hearing those words come out the doctor’s mouth of the room to be muffled and silence as the two you just looked at each other, not knowing how to express or what to say. The doctor explained that it was nothing that you have done and miscarriages commonly happen in the first trimester. All you could think inside your head was ‘what did I do? What’s wrong with me? How could I let this happen? Could I prevented this?!’ You asking these questions over and over again in your mind.

Nanami see that you space out and called you, “Honey? You okay?”

You snapped out and continue listening to the doctor.

The doctor continues explaining that it is possible to try again later down the line.

Y’all came to the hospital with a baby and now leaving without it. They induced your labor to get the baby and the placenta out. It was painful and caused discomfort for you and Nanami.

After the surgery, you was prescribed with medication to make sure everything clears out of your uterus and to make sure there are no complications after the miscarriage. you inform your job about a medical emergency and you need to have a week off from work.

Nanami drove you both home, the car drive was filled with silent. You put your purse on the table and just sat down on the couch looking down at the floor. You try to hold your stomach with a small bump that was once forming is no longer there. Nanami sat right beside you holding your hand, trying to come for you the best way he can. He’s processing the pain too but knows that it’s harder for you since you were carrying the baby.

“Do you wanna talk about this?” He ask you, he cares about you. He wants the best for you to make sure that everything is okay, but instead of just talking about it and spread your feelings, you shut down how can you be a wife? You can’t even give your partner a child

“What do you want to dinner?” You blurred out , not wanting to talk about the event that just happened back at the hospital no, we look so confused. Why are you not talking to him? You literally just had a miscarriage?! Nanami can see the way the pain as you look at the ground and knew that you didn’t wanna talk about it right then and there, so he just went along with it to make peace at the moment.

“I’ll take care of dinner. You don’t have to worry about cooking dinner.” He answer you with his soft tone, you nodded your head. “Okay, I’ll be in the bathroom.” You get up the couch and wash and left and went to the bathroom.

Once you close the door, all the tears that accumulated all day when the moment you got the news just start pouring out. You just sobbing as tears cover your face and cheeks. You’re a mess. You don’t know how to process this. When you thought you finally got a break and finally gonna be a mother. It was taken away from me just like that.

What was wrong with me? What? Why can’t I carry a baby in my stomach??

The week that you was off from work, you just laid in bed in silence. You did not eat sleep or eat or drink anything. The only time you got up really was to use the restroom. Sure you wash your face from time to time but other than that you did not do nothing, you barely even shower. The only reason you somehow survived is what because your husband cooked dinner and semi forced you to come down to eat dinner with him.

he tried to talk to you about the miscarriage, he wanted you to talk about it. He did not blame you for what happened. he blaming you for losing the baby. He mad at you cannot how can you be a good wife if you cannot give him a child what’s wrong with you?

Why it is so hard for me, but not for other women that’s all you could think about in your mind. Every second will consume of the miscarriage in the could’ve been and would’ve been and everything around it. You hated yourself for it, you failed as a woman, partner, and mother.

One night in bed , you were up looking at the ceiling just thinking about everything that happened. Kento saw that you wasn’t sleeping ”are you OK? You can’t sleep?” You look over to your right at him. “No, I’m not really tired right now.” He sighed, he knew why you’re up. He knows that you are too hard on yourself right now. “You know I’m not mad at you right?” You look away from him. You want to believe him you really do but all you can think of your mind is the opposite.

he’s gonna leave you for someone who can give him a child.

That’s all you can think about all that you worry about you turned your back at him “I’m going to Sleep. You have a good night.”

Nanami was shocked by your behavior. you never turn your back on him. But he wasn’t gonna give up on you. He pulled you close, with your back towards his chest as he wrapped his arms around your waist. He whispered in your ear “I love you.” before he try to go to asleep.

The week you return from work, you put a mask on for your coworkers and carry on with your work and project that you had missed out like nothing happened. despite the effort, you were still thinking about the pregnancy at home, but at work all you can think about what project deadline, reports, and meetings.

You bury yourself in work, helping every project in the company and contribute to many groups around the department that you were in. Your supervisor ask if you want to stay a little later to finish the report and you happily answered yes. anything to not be at home and think about the miscarriage anything to not go home and be a disappointment to your husband at least at work you are something here. A somebody with purpose. Somebody who accomplish a lot of things here.

The next few weeks, all you did was work and overtime, work and overtime, work and overtime.

You’d come home exhausted from work and became close friends with your wine cellar. Indulging on a few glasses of wines and cocktails every other day after working overtime. That feeling of intoxication and praise at work helped block out the depress thoughts, even if it was for a couple hours.

After finishing a huge project at work, your team decided to go out and celebrating with drinks. At the bar, you were laughing and talking with the few coworkers you enjoyed spending time with. Y’all were having a good time and even offer Sasha, one of your colleagues and good friends, a drink. Normally she’d accept it but she shook her head.

“Not tonight. I’m not allowed to drink for the next few months.” She explained as her hands is placed on her belly. The whole team look at Sasha surprised but soon follow up with excitement. Many congrats her and ask about the baby. As those conversations were happening, you couldn’t help but think about your own pregnancy and how far along the baby would’ve been by now. You’d been 7-8 months along.

You congrat Sasha, paid for your tabs and quickly called it a night. But that didn’t stop the drinking. You went to the liquor store and got some Taylor Port and Patron. You made it home around 9:35 pm and immediately pour yourself a glass and chugged it. You pour yourself another glass when a voice behind you spoke.

“You’re drinking again?” He look you at very distressed. He seen the way you been acting the last few months and it’s getting worse.

“Yeah so what?” You replied as your mouth touch the glass with the alcohol entering your throat.

Nanami was tired. You come home late, smelling like liquor and being borderline drunk every other day was getting old and fast. He walked up to you and grabbed your glass.

“What the fuck?! Give it back!”

“No, I’m tired of seeing you like this (Y/n). Coming home late and drinking is not healthy and it’s not you!”

“So what?! It’s not like I’m hurting anyone.” You protest.

“You’re hurting me! And more importantly you’re hurting yourself! You can’t continue on like this. This is not the woman I married.”

Taking his word the wrong way you blurred out “Well go find another bitch who’d give you everything you want!”

Nanami look at you stunned by your words. Before he could say anything, you continued with slurring your words.

“Maybe you should end things with me, find another woman who will give you ALL the kids and babies you want instead of being with one who couldn’t even carry one in their first trimester.” As you yelled out, tears begin to form in your (e/c) eyes. You already imagine in your mind that he’d leave you, find someone else, marry her and have a family. A family with beautiful children. A family that doesn’t include you.

Silent was the only thing that was heard in the kitchen. Nanami spoke out softly, “Sweetheart…….,” as he walked closer towards you.

You just lost it. All the months of holding it in secret and emotional turmoil just came out as tears fall against your face. Nanami quickly held you tightly as you begin to cry out in his arms.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?!”

“Hey hey, it’s okay-“

You abruptly cut him off “No it’s not! For two fucking years we’ve been trying to get pregnant. Over and over again all because I have a hard time getting pregnant! And I one time I did I fucked up and lost our baby!”

He stood there holding you as you vented out everything you’ve been feeling. This was a long time coming.

“I’m sorry I failed you…..” Your voice cracked as you spoke. Nanami look at you disappointed. Not at you, but at himself and how he wishes he tried harder to get you to open up sooner.

“Y/n, you can’t blame yourself for this. I hate seeing you blaming yourself for something that isn’t your fault whatsoever.” You continue to sob as Nanami gently grab your chin to make you look at him.

“Look at me, you are strong, intelligent, and beautiful person inside and out. Our next pregnancy will be stronger and better. And you’ll be one hell of a mother.”

“But…..what if I never get pregnant again Kento. It took me years for just one. I know how much you desire to be a father……and I’m scared that we’ll separate because of—“

“Don’t.” He paused you. You look up at him confused and still upset.

“I don’t care if it takes two years, twenty years, or even if it never happens, Y/n. You are who I envision as the mother of my children, but more than that—you are my everything. If we can’t have children, I’ll still feel complete, because I have you. I see you in every vision of my future, holding my hand, laughing with me, growing old with me. Children or no children, you are my home and my forever. I’m not going anywhere, Y/n. Not now, not ever.”

You soon get overwhelmed with emotions from his speech. Sure he has said many heartfelt words before but this one is definitely up there. You buried yourself into his chest as you continue to cried out in sob with a soft “Kento….”

Y’all stay in position for a while, embracing each other after a long time since the miscarriage. Tonight has helped you two beginning to understand the importance of being vulnerable again. You two don’t know what to expect in the future ,but you guys know that regardless of it y’all have each other and that will be enough.

[dsireland86]

Requesting Noah x reader where the reader experiences post partum depression after giving birth to their newborn baby girl.

Post partum depression is no joke and something so many women, including myself, have had to deal with. I wish it on no new mom. But, when you have a good partner who supports you entirely, it makes all the difference🥰

Post-Partum

Tag list:

@philomenie @supersquirrel1996 @foliosgirl @angelmarie89 @fadingintothegrey @thisbicc @lma1986 @dominuslunae @shayzillaaaa @mrsnoahsebastian @flowery-mess @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @stardustsirenmelody @romanreigns-supreme @anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @rumoured-whispers @myownthoughts12 @sister-sebastian @nyxthedestroyerofworlds-deactiv @missduffsblog @bngurngheart  @somebodyllelse @xxkittenkissesxx @fadingangelwisp @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

I held her in my arms like she was the most valuable thing in the world. To me she was. She was my daughter. She was the best part of me and her mother put together, a treasure created out of pure love. I looked over at my wife, watching as she delivered the remaining proof of her pregnancy, feeling nothing but pride and respect for her. What I had just witnessed in the last thirteen hours was nothing short of an absolute miracle. I had no idea how difficult it was for a woman to give birth until now. The strength and resilience I saw in her made me see her and all women in a whole new light. It was an indescribable yet incredible feeling. She looked up at me, smiling her beautiful yet exhausted smile. She looked completely different now; she was a mother. I grinned back, offering her our daughter and gently laid her on her chest when she said yes. "Noah, she has your nose and your eyes," my wife gushed, kissing our little girl's rosy forehead. "She really does, doesn't she?" I marveled, unable to hide my grin. I kissed my wife's forehead, praising her over and over for what she went through for us. I had what I'd always wanted. I had my family.

Days after we came home were a struggle. The nights were sleepless, the days exhausting. The constant feeding and changing diapers was a lot of work I wasn't prepared for. But neither was my wife. She started crying more than usual. At first, it was simple little tears, but then there were days where those tears lingered all day and sometimes into the night, too. They would lead into spurts of her doubting her ability to be a mother and caring for our baby the way she needed to be cared for. That's when she would say things like, "Our daughter does better when I'm not around. Maybe it's for the best", or "I just want to disappear. All of this is too much." I knew she was exhausted, not mentally prepared for any of this, so I did my best to help take the burden off her shoulders, hoping it would help. Sometimes it did, but most of the time I think it only made things worse.

A few weeks went by, and things began to mellow out some; with our daughter at least. We got into a routine and a schedule of sleep, making the nights more bearable. But my wife would still have her spouts of irritability, sometimes waking up and starting things for no reason. It was usually over little things like dishes or clothes, but then it started to become bigger. She accused me of not being home enough and not helping out enough which would always end with her falling apart and crying again. It broke me. I didn't know what to do, except hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay, even though I wasn't so sure. I would watch her during feedings and how she seemed distant from our baby, looking away, never making that mother to baby eye contact I read about in the "What to Expect When Your Wife is Expanding" book Jolly bought me for my first "father's day". She was physically there, but not mentally.

Days after our daughter turned a month old, I came home to find her sitting on the couch in the living room, staring into nothing. She had the most distant spaced out look on her face, her eyes completely void of anything. "Baby, are you alright?" I gently shook her. She finally snapped out of whatever daze she was in, shaking her head. "Noah," smiling weakly at me. "Baby, I'm really worried about you. You're not looking or acting like yourself," I finally admitted to her. "I feel okay," she said weakly. "When was the last time you ate?" I brushed some loose hair out of her eyes, running my hand down her cheek. She thought for a moment then shrugged. "Come on, I sighed, taking her hand and pulling her towards the kitchen. That's when the baby monitor went off, signaling our little girl was awake. "Why don't you go get her, and I'll make us something to eat." My wife shook her head. "No, you get her. She wants her daddy." Letting go of my hand she made her way into the kitchen, leaving me in a bit of shock. I thought this was the worst of it, but I didn't know how much worse it could get.

Sex was out of the question. Not just for the first six weeks of course, but even past that. She closed herself off to me, not wanting me to touch her or be around her. It got to the point that she was sleeping on the couch and whenever I came into the room she would leave. I didn't understand any of it. I eventually had to stay home from the studio and recording with the guys, having everyone bring everything to my house because I was too scared to leave her and the baby alone. Something was off with my wife, and I couldn't figure it out. I was taking it personally, thinking that the end of us had come and what was meant to be the happiest time in our lives was now becoming the hardest and most hurtful. I was done. I couldn't go through with it anymore.

One night, after our little one fell asleep after her feeding, my wife laid her in her bassinet then turned to leave the room. "Don't leave. Please. Just stay with me for a minute," I asked, trying not to sound too desperate. She turned and looked at me with tears in her eyes. All the color was gone from her beautiful face, her complexion dull. Her hair, normally shiny and in her wavy ponytail, was unkept, piled high on the top of her head in a messy bun. Her sleep clothes were the same ones she'd worn for almost a week. This was nothing but a shell of my wife and it killed me seeing her this way. "Come sit with me, baby, please," patting the bed next to me. At first she hesitated, but then, surprisingly, she came and partially sat on the bed. I tucked her hair behind her ear, smiling at her when she looked at me so sadly. I leaned in to kiss her, slowly so as to not startle her, and felt relieved when she kissed me back. Her hands found the back of my neck, twisting the longer pieces of hair at the nape of it. Her touch sent shivers down my spine. I was longing for her in ways I didn't even realize. "I miss you," I confessed, placing my forehead to hers and holding her head between my hands. "I know," she sniffed and I wiped away the tears that slid down her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs. "I miss you, too, Noah." "Then talk to me," I whispered, "tell me what you're feeling. Even if you can't make sense out of it. Just tell me anyway. I'll listen." And she did. I ran a hot bubble bath and for the first time in months I held my wife's beautiful naked body against mine, listening as she told me everything she had been going through. I washed her hair, scrubbed her back, and helped her shave her legs, and in return, she gave me the best sex I'd had in a while. Watching her face as she came on my cock buried up inside her made me cum, the feeling taking us both to a higher place we hadn't been in a while. It was euphoric. Once out of the bath and fully dressed, she checked on our little angel still fast asleep, and for the first time since we brought her home, I watched the brightest, sweetest smile grace my wife's face as she looked down on her. It made my heart swell with joy. We discovered that night, after some slight research that what she was experiencing was called postpartum depression. It's something most new mother's get, some more extreme than others. We weren't throwing all our eggs into the basket of self diagnosis, but she promised to call her doctor the next morning and schedule an appointment.

Seven months old. Time flies when you're having fun. I watched my wife as she attempted to feed our angel sweet potatoes for the first time. Surprisingly, she liked them. A quarter of the jar later and we had a happy, sleepy little baby. I cleaned her up and handed her to mama as she willingly and lovingly took her and cradled her just the way she liked it. With some warm milk, a soft blanket, and mama's arms, our little girl was out like a light. My wife looked up at me, smiling brightly. She was herself again and there was no better feeling than to see her return. With a mild medication and a little therapy, postpartum depression slowly made its way out of our lives, restoring to me the woman I loved. She apologized, over and over, time and time again, but I always reminded her there was nothing to apologize for. None of it was ever her fault. "Thank you for sticking it out with me, Noah. Thank you for not running away." I took her hand and kissed it, rubbing her growing belly carrying baby Davis number two. Now that we knew what to mostly expect, this little gem would be easier to handle. "For better or for worse, Princess. You've got me and them, forever."

[figurantedefilme]

— boyfriend!sam winchester headcanons.

pairing: sam winchester x gn!reader

summary: how sam would act if he were your boyfriend.

cw: friends to lovers, some details of romantic relationships, brief mentions of fighting, but lots of cuteness. poorly edited.

a/n: hiiii, so, these are some of my hcs of how sam would be dating his best friend ;)) these headcanons were very inspired by some of my favorite writers!! english isn't my first language. enjoy it ♡

— send me a request!! <3

▪︎ before you started dating, you were best friends, you did everything together. you were always in love with each other, you just hadn't realized it yet.

▪︎ dean always teased you about it, especially sam, saying he was too slow to not realize the obvious, you, of course, ignored it completely, thinking that the other didn't feel the same way or that you would never have the chance.

▪︎ after, this became difficult, hiding the heart-shaped looks whenever the other looked away, always trying to disguise it but failing miserably.

▪︎ sometimes you shared a bed and by some chance you woke up hugging or with your legs intertwined and this resulted in almost an entire day of tension, you barely talking to each other or making eye contact until you intended that nothing happened and continued to be the same as always. but then, unable to bear having to hide all this "unrequited" love any longer, one of you tries to distance yourself, thinking that these feelings could ruin your friendship and you don't want to lose each other's affection.

▪︎ this ends up leaving the other confused, thinking that they did something wrong, and doing everything to understand what is happening. after all this confusion, you understand each other, talk and finally confess your feelings to each other.

"i thought you hated me."

"i could never hate you, sammh. it's just that my love for you is so great that i couldn't stand being around you anymore."

"i ove you too, i'm so relieved about that, but promise me that you'll never hide anything again, no matter what it is."

"i promise."

▪︎ ever since you started dating, he always needs to touch you in some way, whether it's intimately or just holding your hand on a cold night. with that, know that he will never be able to sleep well again if he is not hugging you or at least with an arm around you.

▪︎ over time, he began to show his clingy side, sometimes needy just for your touch, your hands in his, or his somewhere on you, usually an arm on your shoulders or a hand on your hips.

▪︎ he also likes to always tell you how beautiful you are, that he loves you and how much you matter to him. even if he doesn't say it directly, he always tries to show it by doing something for you, even if it's small things like picking up your change of clothes when you take a shower, or when you're sick, he's by your side, available for whatever you need, buying you a drink that you like at the coffee shop, buying you a book that he knows you would like to read or simply paying attention when you talk, and making mental notes about little things that you do or like.

▪︎ he definitely loves it when you reciprocate or do similar things, in your way of showing your love for him.

▪︎ he won't admit it, but he feels so good when he sees you wearing his shirt, and how big it looks on you. he thinks the height difference between you is cute and sometimes he gets annoying.

▪︎ he's become more overprotective, but he tries not to suffocate you. this has also made him more worried about you during hunts, and the same goes for you.

▪︎ sometimes you fight because of his overprotectiveness, sometimes he doesn't want to let you go on a hunt because he thinks it's too dangerous and you get upset. dean tries to give sam advice about how he should stop trying to exclude you because you're too strong and can handle yourself, so he apologizes later and you're still a little upset, but then everything works out and everything's fine.

▪︎ dating sam can be complicated sometimes, especially as hunters, but you always support each other and know that everything will work out.

[underatreedrinkingtea]

Something Golden, Something Glistening

Chapter Summary: Lucanis, Rook and Spite spends some time together in the quite, early morning. There is some light flirting and teasing involved. Rook/Lucanis/Spite

Hello again! I enjoyed writing these idiots so much and think I will add more chapters to this. Might just be small snippets in their down time when they are not running around saving the world. Im not quite confident enough writing fight scenes and following the main story and what not. We shall see what direction this takes! Again, english is not my first language so if you see any mistakes I will do my best to correct them. Enjoy! Added a picture of my Rook if you wanted to know how I visualise her.

Chapter 2

The first thing he notices when he wakes up is that he feels...well rested. His mind is clear, sharp. Then suddenly sits up and panics, how long has he been asleep? Did Spite try anything while he was out? Did he hurt anybody?

“Mmh. Why would I? I can behave!” Spite appears before him and smirks. Lucanis regards him for a second, he sounds sincere, at least as sincere a demon can be. But Lucanis does not trust him, he knows Spite. And Spite has never given him a break before so why is this time any different. He always makes Lucanis' life more difficult in some way when he falls asleep.

“Spite, you always misbehave. Tell me what you did. How long were you up causing trouble last night?” Lucanis asks. The demon gives him a long look, and seems to think before he answers.

“Sleep well?” He asks with a small knowing smile. Like he is in on some kind of joke. Lucanis shakes his head and begins to demand an answer from Spite when he hears the kitchens open. Somebody is here for breakfast then. He needs coffee before he can handle Spite in a productive way anyhow. Lucanis begins to move towards the door when Spite suddenly inhales and exclaims;

“Smells like vanilla, old books and candles. Rook!” He sounds way too excited and Lucanis doesn’t like it one bit. ‘Mierda.’ He still wants that coffee. 

When he enters the kitchen and makes his way to the small kitchenette with the coffee pot and cups Rook is already there, making herself something to drink. When she hears him entering she turns around to greet him with a big smile. There’s several books on the table along with some paper and ink, no doubt belonging to Rook.

“Good morning, Lucanis! I see you slept in today, good for you.” She says in a cheerful manner. His eyes widened, oh did he really sleep that long? ‘Damn’ Rook sees his panicked expression and gives a breathy chuckle, shaking her head. 

“I’m only joking Lucanis. Don’t worry, it's still very early. We are the only ones awake actually. You are way too easy of a target not to.” Rook is smiling even bigger now, cloudy eyes radiant. And he is a fool

“Hah! Rook is fun! Lucanis. Believes. Anything. Rook tells him!” Spite is having way too much fun and he is sick of it. He does not feel well rested anymore. ‘Damned demon.’ Lucanis looks his way and gives him a hard stare and thinks ‘Spite, enough. Let me have some peace and quiet.’

‘Will you. Beg?’ Spite now wears a wicked grin on his face. If it was possible to somehow punch a demon, he would find a way. Spite’s grin grows and begins to make gestures as if he got hit.

“Spite please. It’s not nice to tease before a man has had at least 2 cups of coffee!” Rook looks between the two now, and compared to Spite, a soft welcome expression on her face. “And one needs a full stomach to handle..your bite.” She teases back with a sparkle in her eyes.

Spite drops his smirk and looks to Rook. One could say he almost looked like a disciplined pet. Shocked, Spite is shocked and doesn’t know what to answer. 

“But!” He looks to Lucanis and then back at Rook “You just did! Ugh, you tease him!” Spite lets out a frustrated huff. She gives him a pointed look and after a moment he is gone. Lucanis feels a tight knot in his stomach, hot and flustered. No doubt this is Spite, and tries to shake it off. This just leaves the two of them.‘Right, Rook can hear and see him." Lucanis thinks and clears his throat.

“I’m sorry about him. He is…extra annoying this morning.” Lucanis scratches his neck and looks down. 

“Oh no, that’s fine. I shouldn’t have encouraged him by teasing you…I.”

“I’m s-“ she starts off. 

“No it’s-“ he exclaims at the same time.

Rook lets out a quick laugh and clears her throat. “How about that breakfast now hmm?” She leans closer, smiling up at him. 

“Yes, let me get it started.” Lucanis turns quickly and begins to prepare for the meal. He needs something to do with his hands and get out of this awkward situation as soon as possible. Lucanis makes his way to the pantry to get eggs, bacon, bread and fresh fruit. He spares a quick look in Rook’s direction and her expression is..unsure and one of disappointment. She’s fidgeting with her books, looking for something to occupy herself with

‘Let her help! Don’t ignore her! Rook wants to talk. With us!’ Spite bursts out in his head, scolding him. Lucanis hates to admit it but Spite is right, and he wants to spend time with Rook as well, she is a breath of fresh air. He has never really gotten close with many people before. But with her, with this team…it feels like it could grow to be one of the good things in his life. He should cherish this, see where it goes. The complicated feelings he has for Illario and Caterina, the love he has for them is unshakable and mighty. But being shackled and caged for a year by Zara has left both Spite and himself split open, full of torment, with jagged edges ready to maim. Now more than ever before. He pushes those thoughts away for now.

“Can I trust you with cutting the fruit Rook?” Lucanis offers in a soft tone. He feels Spite’s approval.

Rook shuts her book at the sound of his voice, meeting his eyes she gasps;

 “The famous assassin is giving me a knife?! Is it because it’s the dullest blade that you’re trusting me with it?” She blurts out in jest. It seems Rook is quick on her feet with her playful jabs. And Lucanis finds himself enjoying this side of her, basking in her attention. Surrendering into this feeling. 

‘Go on..’ he hears Spite softly muttering, hopeful. Lucanis flexed his hands and went to pinch the bridge of his nose. With a quick breathy laugh he said to her;

“Yes, I fear the fruit has a gruesome fate waiting for them. But don’t worry, I’m extremely skilled in cleaning up a crime scene. The others will not know a thing.” The amusement clear in his tone. ‘You do know how to be fun.’ Lucanis ignores him, full focus on Rook now. She looks away from his gaze and shifts down at the floor, pulling at her fingers. He makes out rosy cheeks growing ever so slightly redder. He catches himself thinking he likes that colour on them. ‘Taste like joy, lightning in the stomach, honey and passion. Delicious. Pretty Rook.’ Spite voices in his head. Now Lucanis' cheeks start to feel warm. He wants to ignore him and the tingling butterflies within him. But he agrees with Spite because she is radiant, like an angel. He snaps back to reality by the sound of her laugh.

“Well I’m in the mood to murder some oranges this lovely morning, are there any left since you and Bellara went to the market? How about some cheese too?” 

“Cheese and oranges? You mean to have that for…breakfast?” Lucanis asks bewildered. Bellara warned him about Harding’s eating habits, but nothing about Rooks. 

“When I woke up today it just felt like an oranges and cheese kind of day you know?” She answers like she didn't just tell him the most ridiculous breakfast combination ever. Now Spite decides to chime in cheerfully. ‘I agree with Rook. Feels like cheese and oranges. Today!’ ‘Of course you do, you exist to torment me.’ He feels Spite’s amusement before he gets a reply;

‘Now there is one more!’ 

They work in comfortable silence for a while before Rook drops what she's doing and cries out;

“Oh, I forgot about my tea! I need to try that new one Harding grew in her garden for me.” Chair screeches against the stone floor followed by hurried steps towards the kitchenette. The knife in Lucanis hand stills and he feels like choking on his tongue. The tea is for her. Spite brings him back to the present by adding ‘She wants honey! In her tea.’ 

[the-bad-guys-2-reportage]

🟢 Director Pierre Perifel explains the connection between The Bad Guys 2 & the first movie, the books, and more!

The characters are based on the popular books by Aaron Blabey. Is this new story also based on a book or is it an original story?

Pierre Perifel: "It's an original story. We borrow elements from the book, we borrow situations, we borrow names, we borrow characters."

Damon Ross:"The bad girls are elements from the books. They're not called the bad girls, but their names are pretty similar. We just changed one of the names. However, the situation in which they meet is completely different. And even their dynamics are different. But the characters themselves are pretty similar."

How difficult was it for you to find a story for a second film?

Pierre Perifel:"I always liked the ambiguity of the last scene in the first film, when you see Diane Foxington picking them up from prison. When she says, "All right, guys, ready to work?", that could mean being ready to take on more, bigger missions. But it could also mean just working. Our characters have just gotten out of prison and they're out of work and in a lot of debt. They go from interview to interview and can't get a job. And then they get sucked back into the life of crime by this trio of bad girls who want them to pull off one last heist. I think that was just our way of pushing ourselves to do super cool action stuff."

Damon Ross: "Here's a new crime syndicate that will test Wolf's decision to become good in the first film. It's one thing to become good, but another to stay good."

Pierre Perifel: "Things have changed though. Nobody runs away from them anymore because they're afraid of being eaten by the wolf. It's more of a distrust. People don't trust these people yet. Wolf believed that people would welcome them with open arms since they had served their time and saved the town from a crazy guinea pig. But that's not how it works. I think that makes the film quite realistic in a way. They have to pay bills but don't have the money because nobody will give them a job."

Have you ever thought about making a prequel?

Pierre Perifel: "I don't think we ever thought about it. We open the new film with a prologue. It's a scene that takes place years before the first film. We also have flashbacks to refer to the first film and explain what our characters went through. But we never thought about making a complete prequel."

Damon Ross: "Right now we're focused on moving the story forward."

What can you tell us about these new characters?

Pierre Perifel: "They kidnap our bad guys to force them to do one last job. They're also great thieves and really badass. The criminals are led by Kitty Kat, a snow leopard voiced by Danielle Brooks. She's super smart, super charismatic and super strong. And then we have Pigtail the wild boar, who's kind of like a MacGyver engineer. She's a crime nerd with a big brain but very shy and always wants to hang out with them. Her voice is by Maria Bakalova. And then we have Doom, a raven, and she's very dry and quick-witted and sort of the femme fatale of the group. She's voiced by Natasha Lyonne. These three are planning a big heist and need help. So they kidnap the gangster gang. And when they say that they are good now, the girls reply: "We don't really ask." And during this work, the two groups grow closer and Wolf begins to wonder if he should return to the criminal life."

You felt like you had to prove yourself to the audience of the books, the fans, and of course you wanted to please them. After proving yourself to them, you now feel pressure to please the fans of the film. Which pressure was greater for you?

Pierre Perifel: "The second film, definitely. Because now we have the entire fan base that we have to serve and that we cannot disappoint."

Damon Ross: "We now have the fan base of the books and also the fan base of the first film. So it's just expanded and gotten exponentially bigger. The books are much bigger now too. But I will say, we work closely with the writer Aaron Blabey. We talk to him all the time and we've shared early cuts of the film. And the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive. So I feel like the fans of the books are going to be super excited because he's excited. And I think that will translate to the general audience as well."

Interview from Rezensionen

[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

„Really,“ Tommy scoffs, „you’re my trainee pilot? Zorii Bliss?“

He frowns, as if he’s reading the name on his clipboard for the first time. 

„You wouldn’t have accepted my request if I’d gone by my real name, would you,“ Buck goes, somewhat defiant. „I did the prepayment, so don’t waste the money, give me my flying lesson. By the way, your fees really are competitive.“

„You looked up the fees of other pilots?“

There’s something in the air, a special kind of tension. Every word seems ambiguous, just like this whole situation. Buck's intention is clear. It's just difficult to convey it. The hangar with the helicopter seems to have shrunk, reduced to a pair of steel-blue eyes that once looked so lovingly at him and now seem so stern. 

“Listen,” says Tommy, ”if you have something to tell me, you didn't have to book a lesson under a false name. I…“

„Yeah, but believe me, this was the only way,“ Buck blurts out. 

Tommy looks at him, confused. But there's more to his gaze, isn't there? Buck, whose mind was filled with TommyTommyTommy for weeks, would read something into every little wrinkle next to his eyes, every vague movement of his lips. He realizes that, but he doesn't care. 

“You really want a flying lesson?” 

“I do.”

Maybe it's not right to pressure Tommy into a debate in this way. Does he give in because he knows how stubborn Buck can be, or because it means something to him too? There are so many questions, so many unresolved issues. 

As they board the helicopter, Buck can’t help but feel like this might just be a dream. Maybe it is, he's had a lot of dreams in the past few weeks, and Tommy has been in every one of them. But if it is, it’s the most genuine of dreams, and it’s not a nightmare. There’s not only tension in the air, there’s also Tommy’s aftershave. His presence makes him dizzy, he hardly listens as the man starts his spiel about how a helicopter works. Tommy’s talking about the cyclic and about autorotation, and he just feels like planet Buck, rotating around his sun again. 

“You won't learn how to take off or land in the first lesson,” says Tommy sternly. “But the sensation of flying, of keeping the machine under control in the air, that's what I'll show you. You got that?”

Flying, Buck thinks. Exactly what I’m craving.

They ascend, and with every altitude, Buck’s fear shrinks. The fear of being rejected. The fear of not being able to say what he actually wants to say. But also the fear that he's only doing this because he's actually addicted to Tommy. Addicted to the feeling this man conveyed and that he’s missed so much. 

But as they rise into the deep blue sky, he realizes it’s something else. Addiction is dependency, and Buck is coping alone; he has learned to endure loneliness long before Tommy. What he can't cope with is ignorance. And…

“The silence,” he muses aloud, and Tommy gives him a questioning look. 

“It's not exactly quiet in a helicopter,” he says, tapping his headphones.

It's not the ideal conditions for a conversation like this. But none of them can run away at this moment, and besides, this is Tommy's territory. His domain, which he controls; something from which he draws self-confidence. Buck didn't book this flying lesson because it really was a last resort to talk to Tommy again. 

“I was talking about you,” Buck returns. „You bubbled me, but you never sent a message.“

„I… bubbled you?“

Tommy's furrowed brows are a question mark. Buck shrugs, “I saw you were about to text me several times, but then you didn't. I've been staring at my phone for days, so close to calling you. L.A.'s having a flour crisis because of me.”

“Flour,” Tommy repeats uncomprehendingly. “What altitude are we flying at?”

This is either a test or a distraction, but Buck has done his homework, and his eyes find the information immediately.

„Nearly 11,500 feet. Still not very close to our maximum altitude.“ 

“High enough for you to explain to me what this is all about,“ Tommy says.

Buck heaves a sigh. It’s not easy to find the right words. 

„Zorii Bliss is actually a woman’s name,“ he begins, although he can see that’s not what Tommy expected. „There’s only so many queer characters in the Star Wars universe, and she’s not one of them; but she’s a past love interest of one main character.“

„That makes me Poe Dameron?“

Oh, he’s quick. And he’s almost smiling. That’s a start, right? But then he says, “You're giving me a little too much credit, I think.”

“You think you're not a main character? To me, you always were.”

Tommy's sideways glance is wistful, the look of a man who’s been trying to come to terms with his past for a long time. 

“We talked about this,” he says, though his white knuckles gripping the cyclic tell the opposite. 

„No, we didn’t. Which is why we’re here now.“

Now it’s Tommy’s turn to sigh, it sounds like a breath he held weeks ago. 

“I actually wanted to text you,” he admits as he stares out the pane, avoiding Buck's gaze. „Because… I’m really sorry how that went. Not my best move.“

„Breaking up with me? Definitely,“ says Buck with a hoarse laugh. 

“To leave without explaining myself,” Tommy emphasizes. „You did nothing wrong.“

„Oh, but I did. I asked you to move in with me at a point of our relationship that just wasn’t the right one.“

Only now does Tommy turn to him, a questioning expression on his face. 

„You think this is all about timing?“

„Of course not,“ Buck says softly. „It’s about us, stumbling through half a year of…“

„Fun,“ Tommy interjects. 

„Yeah, but it was more than that, right? You weren’t with me only because I was a sexy himbo you had fun with.“

Tommy’s jaw drops. 

„You’re twisting…“

This time, Buck doesn’t let him finish.

„No. You made assumptions about me, figuring out who I was and what I actually wanted. That hurt, because everything I wanted was you. I realize, though, that I didn’t really show you. But in the end, Tommy…“

He stops to put his hand on Tommy's arm, just for a moment. His muscles are tense and hard, and his jaw is working as if he’s chewing on Buck’s words, but he’s still listening. 

„In the end,“ he continues, „it was never about me not knowing who I am, but who you actually are. I missed out on you. That was never as clear as the moment you left.“

“Do you realize that one possible conclusion of this is that we just don't fit together?” Tommy says, but his eyes say, convince me otherwise. Buck wants to believe that. 

“I can think of at least half a dozen other conclusions,” he replies. „And I want to try and see if I’m right. Because there’s something else I realized.“

Maybe he’s deliberately making a dramatic pause, staring at the horizon from nearly 11,800 feet altitude.  

“And that would be?” Tommy asks, his eyes now on Buck's lips. 

“I've been abandoned so many times in my life that I assumed that's how it had to be. Fate or something. True, people told me that’s wrong, that I deserve to be happy, yada yada.“

His fingers draw exclamation marks in the air, but Tommy still only has eyes for his face. Does he look at his blue eyes and thinks, just like Buck, that the horizon is reflected in them, and with it infinite possibilities?

“But that made me passive, and I'm not. I don't want to be like that. Not when something is so important. Hey, I'm the guy who sued the department to get his job back. Who found his sister after her crazy first husband left her half-dead. Who would have dug up his best friend with his bare hands if he could have. But I’m also the guy who never fought for his relationships. Look, Tommy, is that me? Is that who I want to be, the guy who fights for his loved ones but not for his actual love?“

„What?“ Tommy blinks, then his eyes widen. 

Buck laughs. It’s a liberating sound, this time. 

„Yeah, like in one of those hallmark rom-coms, you like those. Something, somebody is taken away from you, and only then do you realize how important he was. That hurts, and at first you're angry, especially because he said that you don't know what you want anyway and that he's just a stopover.”

Tommy raises his hands defensively, “I'm sorry. I really am.“ „You better be. Because I want us to be together again. I can’t actually promise I won’t break your heart, because that little thing seems a bit fragile to me.“

Out of the blue, he pokes Tommy in the chest with his index finger, but he doesn't even flinch. The corners of his mouth lift a little, at least. 

“But we can work on that. Together. We're a bunch of problems, but we can also be the solution.”

“What you said earlier…” Tommy begins, his gaze searching Buck’s, and he nods.

„I love you. I want a second chance, Tommy. If you don’t want me, you can just land this helicopter and I’ll walk away.“

There’s a pause, but the silence is not unpleasant, not awkward. 

„Put your hand on the cyclic,“ Tommy finally says. 

Buck looks at him, confused. Not the answer he had hoped for, but not a flippant rebuff either. For a moment, they just stare at each other. Then, ever so gently, Tommy takes his hand and places it on the stick. 

„You wanted to know what it’s like, flying,“ he remarks with a smile. 

(Thank you so much for letting me use that idea!) AO3 version | All my BuckTommy on AO3

tommy's radio silence goes on for too long so buck does the only reasonable thing—

he books a flying lesson with tommy

[daincrediblegg]

anyone else up getting sick of hyper-cynic contrarianism that serves no real constructive purpose? or is that just me?

[soracities]

I'm reading Possession by A.S Byatt right now, and I saw in one of your posts that you've read it!! I'm not close to finishing it and i haven't opened it since december, I really really want to love it, and part of me does but it's just very slow. Please tell me how wonderful it is to motivate me to continue, everyone who has read it seems to really like it!!

honestly most of my reasons for loving it as much as i do (aside from the fact that it really is just an astonishing book) are very personal ones so i don't know how much help those will be, but one thing i can say about it--and that i'm still captivated by--is how intense of a love letter it is inside and out--literally, and figuratively: it's not just a book about books or a book about reading and writing and study but also about the very intense hinterland that lies beyond and within those things and what kind of a resonance this holds--it's a book whose love language is language, by which i don't mean "words of affirmation" language, i mean the very texture and nature and depth of language itself and the act of engaging with it as intimately as writers, readers, and critics do (it's also got a very healthy dose of the Gothic which i love).

it is a slow read at the start, but thinking back on it i'm also not so sure how much of this is exceptional and how much is down to us being used to having narratives that move rather quickly through their own set-up because Posession absolutely does not do that. i do think its slowness, though, genuinely fits the book perfectly: most of the book revolves around academic detective work in an attempt to untangle this large, unexpected mystery but the act of research itself is slow (especially pre-internet)--even so there isn't a single chapter or a page that i think is extraneous to the story as a whole--whatever the characters are doing or experiencing, we're experiencing in tandem with them--the pace at which this narrative builds is also the pace at which the protagonists are moving through it, trying to uncover it or simply living it: they, and us as readers, are heading towards the same place, at the same time--to me (and maybe it's paradoxical, i don't know) this slowness is part of what makes it so immersive: each detail, each dead end, each archival trip, each story within the story, demands your attention in such a way that you're pulled in deeper as you attend to it all--you're part of this investigation, too.

if, as i said, your love language is language, is the historic, emotional resonance of storytelling (or you just love sardonic and pointed jabs at academia bc Byatt excels at this), then i definitely believe its worth seeing it through, purely for the immersion alone. but at the same time, i also want to say that i do think there's a time for certain books and you shouldn't put unnecessary pressure on yourself if that pressure is coming solely from seeing other people love it and feeling compelled to "catch up". but if there is a part of you that does love it then you are free to take your time with it and progress through at whatever steady pace feels best until you get a feel for it. but please don't feel as though it's something you HAVE to do either 💗

[laniidae-passerine]

Honestly I think Dean Highbottom has some shit to answer to as well. The mockery, the derision, the outright admittance that he was hoping Coriolanus would fail and the Snow family would continue to suffer. How someone who loathed the Games still treated a young man with cruelty because of the past, because of social divides that would be so easy to tear down. In the end, it wasn’t just Gaul who shaped Snow into the man he became. So bitter and hateful. So incapable of compassion and forgiveness. Just like his father. Just like his Dean.

[mintmentos]

Winds me up how many people I work with, when I say I read on the train, respond with ‘i wish I had time to read’ like babe you do??? Most of these people have a commute on the train of at least half an hour you could read then you’re just choosing not to

[strwbrymlkshake]

LOVE ME THE MOST THE MOST YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!!!!! LOVE ME THE MOST I NEED TO BE THE ONLY THING IN YOUR MIND

[coquelicoq]

Hi again! Thanks for answering my previous ask! I find it funny that I have the opposite thoughts about story formats, feeling more comfortable with static images from manga (or words in a book) than the fluidity of animation/live action series. I guess having read manga since I was like 10 I'm just used to it as a format and don't find the points you make any issue? (Always read top to bottom, then right to left, and dialogue has pointers or an icon in/besides the bubble, rarely left wholly to context.) While in contrast, during dramas I often feel that I didn't get to catch the details before they're gone from the screen. Regardless, it was cool to hear your opinion on manga! 🐰💛

(By the way, yep, natsuyuu simply comes from mashing the words together to make the name shorter, which is pretty standard, especially if there's not enough words to make an interesting acronym. And if I may comment, I love the FMA manga, so if you do get to watch either of the anime version, I would enjoy knowing your opinions on the FMA:B adaptation, since it's the one that's closest to the manga. Only if you decide to watch and share, of course. 🐰💛)

that is really interesting! i like that you're distinguishing between static forms like books/manga and moving forms like animation/live action. that makes a lot of sense. my first instinct is to think of it as forms with pictures (manga/graphic novels/animation/live action) vs. forms without pictures (books), because any time there are words and images, the images become secondary to me. i'm so into words that sometimes i don't even look at the images because i just want to get to the next words! whoops!!

thank you for explaining the whole "natsuyuu" thing because i was almost at the "i don't know what this is and now i'm too afraid to ask" point and then i would have just been suffering in silence lol. i think FMA: Brotherhood is the one that was recommended to me earlier, so hopefully i will get around to watching it someday! thank you for all of this info and for your thought-provoking questions! have a lovely friday <33

[bumblingbabooshka]

The Pathways Novel is the holy grail of young Tuvok characterization because I can just sense so clearly through the page how insufferable he would be to talk to

[blueish-bird]

I should be working on classwork but instead I’m once again Listening to my Chainsaw Man Playlist and Thinking

[yellowocaballero]

#miguel o'hara#i reblog a lot of miguel slander but hes actually a really well written character#miguel thinks about the greater good of the collective multiverse#and not just one kid#but at the same time#that kinda goes against spiderman's whole deal of fighting for the little guy (friendly neighboorhood spiderman)#idk if any of this makes any sense ive never read the comics#spiderverse @kitzels

Sorry for putting you on blast, but I definitely wanted to point this out! I actually intended to talk about this in the post, but the post was long enough already and it would have been off-topic lmfao. But this is really important. It's why Miguel is the antagonist in the story, and it's why he's pulling some real dick moves right now.

Miguel lacks compassion. He knows what defines Spider-Man, but he forgets what Spidey is about. Peter puts himself last, but I don't think he's ever thought about the bigger picture in his life lmfao. He's the most selfless person alive, but that's because he has a tendency to be selfish. Because his inability to let people die is a psychological guilt-based complex and not, like, a legitimate philosophical stance, he impulsively prioritizes saving the person in front of him and typically doesn't worry about the consequences. This is protagonist behavior that is true of the majority of protags.

But beyond dunking on the guy, it's also just because he's never cared about the bigger picture. That's not important to him. Peter doesn't care about politics or ego or the gears of the universe. He's in this game to save the guy in front of him, and he doesn't let it get more complicated than that. He's the friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, and a Spider-Man story that forgets how Peter just wanted to help the people on his block isn't really a Spider-Man story. Spidey's about NYC, and NYC is what he cares about. Leave the drama to the Avengers. Peter's here to help people, and he won't complicate that.

Peter's a compassionate person. He cares for every life. No one person is more important than another. He's also a normal person who doesn't enjoy murder. Daredevil will talk for two hours about the philosophical, legal, and spiritual reasons why he will never take a life and how difficult it is not to murder people all day, and Peter will stand there going, "Of course I don't kill people, that's a freak thing to do. Like 97% of the time it does not occur to me to kill a human person. That's a human person. Do you actively struggle not to kill people? Who who raised you." King.

Miguel lost that thread of Spider-Man, and it's what's making him the antagonist today. Spider-Man doesn't put the good of the many above the lives of the few. And Spider-Man doesn't BEEF WITH TEENAGERS -

Miguel is Fine, Actually (Being Spider-Man's Just Toxic As Hell)

Before I watched ATSV I said that I would defend my man Miguel O'Hara's actions no matter what, because he's always valid and I support women's wrongs. I was joking, and I did not actually expect to start defending him on Tumblr.edu. But I'm seeing a lot of commentary that's super reductive, so I do want to bring up another perspective on his character.

Miguel wasn't acting against the spirit of Spider-Man, or what being Spider-Man means. Miguel isn't meant to represent the antithesis of Spider-Man. Miles is the antithesis of Spider-Man. Miguel represents Spider-Man taken to its extreme.

Think about Miguel's actions from his perspective. If you were a hero who genuinely, legitimately, 100%, no doubt about it, believed that somebody is going to make a selfish decision that will destroy an entire universe and put the entire multiverse at severe risk - if you had an over-burdened sense of responsibility and believed in doing the right thing no matter what - you would also chase down the kid and put him in baby jail to try and prevent it. He believed that he was saving the multiverse, and that Miles was putting it in danger for selfish reasons. Which is completely unforgivable to him, because selfishness is what he hates the most. And then he goes completely out of pocket and starts beefing with a 15yo lmfaooo he's such a dick.

But why did Miguel believe that? Why did he believe that Miles choosing himself and his own happiness over the well-being of others was the worst possible thing? Why did he believe that tragedy was inevitable in their lives, and that without tragedy Spider-Man can't exist?

Because he's Spider-Man.

Peter Parker was once a fifteen year old who chose his own happiness over protecting others. It was the greatest regret of his life and he never forgave himself. Peter's ethos means that he will put himself last every time, and that he will sacrifice anything and everything in his life - his relationships, his health, his future - to protecting and helping others. Peter dropped out of college because it interfered with Spider-Man. He destroyed his own future for Spider-Man. He ruins friendships and romantic relationships because Spider-Man was more important. If Peter ever tries to protect himself and his own happiness, then he's a bad person.

That is intrinsic to Peter. Peter would not be Peter without it. A story that is not defined by Peter's unhappiness is not a Spider-Man story. If Peter doesn't make himself miserable, then he's just not Peter.

That is a Spider-Man story: that not only is tragedy inevitable, that if you don't allow yourself to be defined by your tragedy then you're a bad person. If you don't suffer, then you're a bad person. If you ever put anything above Spider-Man, then you're killing Uncle Ben all over again. Miguel isn't the only one that believes this - as we saw, every Spider-Man buys into what he's saying. There's no Spider-Man without these beliefs.

Miguel attempted to find his own happiness, and he was punished in the most extreme way. He got Uncle Ben'd x10000. He tried to be happy, and it literally destroyed his entire universe. It's the Spider-narrative taken to the extreme. Of course Miguel believes all of this. Of course he believes this so firmly. He's Spider-Man. That's his story. And the one time Miguel tried to fight against that story, he was punished. And like any Spider-Man, he'll slavishly obey that narrative no matter the evil it creates and perpetuates. Because if he doesn't, the narrative will punish him. The narrative will always punish him. It's a Spider-Man story.

I don't think the universal constant between Spider-Mans, the thing that makes them Spider-Man, is tragedy. I think it's the fact that they never forgive themselves. And Miguel is what that viewpoint creates. He doesn't believe this things because he's an awful, mean person. He believes them because he's a hero. He's a good person who hates himself.

Across the Spider-verse isn't really a Spider-Man story. It's a story about Spider-Man stories. Miguel's right: if this was a Spider-Man story, then Miles acting selfishly really would destroy the universe. But Miles' story isn't interested in punishing him. It pushes back against Peter's narrative that unhappiness is inevitable and that you have to suffer to be a good person. It says that sometimes we do the right thing from love and not fear, and that Peter's way of thinking is ultimately super toxic and unhappy. ITSV was about Miles deciding that he didn't need to be Peter Parker, that all he needed to be was Miles, and ATSV is about how being Peter Parker isn't such a good thing. Miguel shows that. Whatever toxic and unhealthy beliefs he holds - they're the exact same beliefs that any Spider-Man holds. He's a dick, but I don't think he's any more awful a person than Peter is.

TL;DR: Miguel isn't a bad person, he just has Spider-Man brainrot.

[ms-demeanor]

So You Need To Buy A Computer But You Don't Know What Specs Are Good These Days

Hi.

This is literally my job.

Lots of people are buying computers for school right now or are replacing computers as their five-year-old college laptop craps out so here's the standard specs you should be looking for in a (windows) computer purchase in August 2023.

PROCESSOR

Intel i5 (no older than 10th Gen)

Ryzen 7

You can get away with a Ryzen 5 but an intel i3 should be an absolute last resort. You want at least an intel i5 or a Ryzen 7 processor. The current generation of intel processors is 13, but anything 10 or newer is perfectly fine. DO NOT get a higher performance line with an older generation; a 13th gen i5 is better than an 8th gen i7. (Unfortunately I don't know enough about ryzens to tell you which generation is the earliest you should get, but staying within 3 generations is a good rule of thumb)

RAM

8GB absolute minimum

If you don't have at least 8GB RAM on a modern computer it's going to be very, very slow. Ideally you want a computer with at least 16GB, and it's a good idea to get a computer that will let you add or swap RAM down the line (nearly all desktops will let you do this, for laptops you need to check the specs for Memory and see how many slots there are and how many slots are available; laptops with soldered RAM cannot have the memory upgraded - this is common in very slim laptops)

STORAGE

256GB SSD

Computers mostly come with SSDs these days; SSDs are faster than HDDs but typically have lower storage for the same price. That being said: SSDs are coming down in price and if you're installing your own drive you can easily upgrade the size for a low cost. Unfortunately that doesn't do anything for you for the initial purchase.

A lot of cheaper laptops will have a 128GB SSD and, because a lot of stuff is stored in the cloud these days, that can be functional. I still recommend getting a bit more storage than that because it's nice if you can store your music and documents and photos on your device instead of on the cloud. You want to be able to access your files even if you don't have internet access.

But don't get a computer with a big HDD instead of getting a computer with a small SSD. The difference in speed is noticeable.

SCREEN (laptop specific)

Personally I find that touchscreens have a negative impact on battery life and are easier to fuck up than standard screens. They are also harder to replace if they get broken. I do not recommend getting a touch screen unless you absolutely have to.

A lot of college students especially tend to look for the biggest laptop screen possible; don't do that. It's a pain in the ass to carry a 17" laptop around campus and with the way that everything is so thin these days it's easier to damage a 17" screen than a 14" screen.

On the other end of that: laptops with 13" screens tend to be very slim devices that are glued shut and impossible to work on or upgrade.

Your best bet (for both functionality and price) is either a 14" or a 15.6" screen. If you absolutely positively need to have a 10-key keyboard on your laptop, get the 15.6". If you need something portable more than you need 10-key, get a 14"

FORM FACTOR (desktop specific)

If you purchase an all-in-one desktop computer I will begin manifesting in your house physically. All-in-ones take away every advantage desktops have in terms of upgradeability and maintenance; they are expensive and difficult to repair and usually not worth the cost of disassembling to upgrade.

There are about four standard sizes of desktop PC: All-in-One (the size of a monitor with no other footprint), Tower (Big! probably at least two feet long in two directions), Small Form Factor Tower (Very moderate - about the size of a large shoebox), and Mini/Micro/Tiny (Small! about the size of a small hardcover book).

If you are concerned about space you are much better off getting a MicroPC and a bracket to put it on your monitor than you are getting an all-in-one. This will be about a million percent easier to work on than an all-in-one and this way if your monitor dies your computer is still functional.

Small form factor towers and towers are the easiest to work on and upgrade; if you need a burly graphics card you need to get a full size tower, but for everything else a small form factor tower will be fine. Most of our business sales are SFF towers and MicroPCs, the only time we get something larger is if we have to put a $700 graphics card in it. SFF towers will accept small graphics cards and can handle upgrades to the power supply; MicroPCs can only have the RAM and SSD upgraded and don't have room for any other components or their own internal power supply.

WARRANTY

Most desktops come with either a 1 or 3 year warranty; either of these is fine and if you want to upgrade a 1 year to a 3 year that is also fine. I've generally found that if something is going to do a warranty failure on desktop it's going to do it the first year, so you don't get a hell of a lot of added mileage out of an extended warranty but it doesn't hurt and sometimes pays off to do a 3-year.

Laptops are a different story. Laptops mostly come with a 1-year warranty and what I recommend everyone does for every laptop that will allow it is to upgrade that to the longest warranty you can get with added drop/damage protection. The most common question our customers have about laptops is if we can replace a screen and the answer is usually "yes, but it's going to be expensive." If you're purchasing a low-end laptop, the parts and labor for replacing a screen can easily cost more than half the price of a new laptop. HOWEVER, the way that most screens get broken is by getting dropped. So if you have a warranty with drop protection, you just send that sucker back to the factory and they fix it for you.

So, if it is at all possible, check if the manufacturer of a laptop you're looking at has a warranty option with drop protection. Then, within 30 days (though ideally on the first day you get it) of owning your laptop, go to the manufacturer site, register your serial number, and upgrade the warranty. If you can't afford a 3-year upgrade at once set a reminder for yourself to annually renew. But get that drop protection, especially if you are a college student or if you've got kids.

And never, ever put pens or pencils on your laptop keyboard. I've seen people ruin thousand dollar, brand-new laptops that they can't afford to fix because they closed the screen on a ten cent pencil. Keep liquids away from them too.

LIFESPAN

There's a reasonable chance that any computer you buy today will still be able to turn on and run a program or two in ten years. That does not mean that it is "functional."

At my office we estimate that the functional lifespan of desktops is 5-7 years and the functional lifespan of laptops is 3-5 years. Laptops get more wear and tear than desktops and desktops are easier to upgrade to keep them running. At 5 years for desktops and 3 years for laptops you should look at upgrading the RAM in the device and possibly consider replacing the SSD with a new (possibly larger) model, because SSDs and HDDs don't last forever.

COST

This means that you should think of your computers as an annual investment rather than as a one-time purchase. It is more worthwhile to pay $700 for a laptop that will work well for five years than it is to pay $300 for a laptop that will be outdated and slow in one year (which is what will happen if you get an 8th gen i3 with 8GB RAM). If you are going to get a $300 laptop try to get specs as close as possible to the minimums I've laid out here.

If you have to compromise on these specs, the one that is least fixable is the processor. If you get a laptop with an i3 processor you aren't going to be able to upgrade it even if you can add more RAM or a bigger SSD. If you have to get lower specs in order to afford the device put your money into the processor and make sure that the computer has available slots for upgrade and that neither the RAM nor the SSD is soldered to the motherboard. (one easy way to check this is to search "[computer model] RAM upgrade" on youtube and see if anyone has made a video showing what the inside of the laptop looks like and how much effort it takes to replace parts)

Computers are expensive right now. This is frustrating, because historically consumer computer prices have been on a downward trend but since 2020 that trend has been all over the place. Desktop computers are quite expensive at the moment (August 2023) and decent laptops are extremely variably priced.

If you are looking for a decent, upgradeable laptop that will last you a few years, here are a couple of options that you can purchase in August 2023 that have good prices for their specs:

14" Lenovo - $670 - 11th-gen i5, 16GB RAM, and 512GB SSD

15.6" HP - $540 - 11th-gen i5, 16GB RAM, and 256GB SSD

14" Dell - $710 - 12th-gen i5, 16GB RAM, and 256GB SSD

If you are looking for a decent, affordable desktop that will last you a few years, here are a couple of options that you can purchase in August 2023 that have good prices for their specs:

SFF HP - $620 - 10th-gen i5, 16GB RAM, 1TB SSD

SFF Lenovo - $560 - Ryzen 7 5000 series, 16GB RAM, 512GB SSD

Dell Tower - $800 - 10th-gen i7, 16GB RAM, 512GB SSD

If I were going to buy any of these I'd probably get the HP laptop or the Dell Tower. The HP Laptop is actually a really good price for what it is.

Anyway happy computering.