#didnt think i should say this but im not jesus these are just MY opinions MY interpretations i could be wrong | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

a-v-j · 2 years ago

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RULES FOR NEW COMERS(or everyone really in general)

Most especially if it’s a newly-made account and/or empty blogs or obviously recently filled with with likes from my work to not look empty

*Don’t ask me for requests or free drawings, i only do that for my friends(or announced events)(requests are currently closed, commissions open tho)

*Make good first impression(dont just compliment me that won’t work)(whether if it’s dm or ask), otherwise you’ll be labeled as troll alt acc and will be blocked after 3 violations(no notices, no warning). Automatic block for those who intentionally violate rules

*Know my work first before trying to befriend me(genuine interest in my work=genuine interest in me)

*Know im not always nice but will try to keep things friendly as much as possible

*It’s ok to make a mistake, but don’t make the same mistake twice

*Take note i occasionally make 18+ skeleton materials so when you happen to bump into one and it’s totally not your cup of tea, know that it’s on you for not reading this pinned post

*I’m very keen in details, so better get names right if you want me to have a good impression on you

*Don’t do “what’s everyone’s reaction to this” “what do you think of my oc” in my Ask box. Ask one to two characters only because like you, i get tired drawing too. Unless the question including multiple characters of mine is answerable with words then ok

*Note that i answer asks in three ways; with words only(occasional old art for visuals), drawings(static or animated) or not answering at all. So in such case i dont answer immediately with words, then your ask might be answered with a drawing(or with a gif if it’s taking longer, no promises) or has been ignored due to technical difficulties that i don’t want to answer it.

*Do not submit to me your oc that isnt even related to my characters, im not gonna be some advertisement ad to showcase your stuff in my blog even if that’s not your intention and im not an art teacher who you be submitting your art to. Im sorry, i just can’t give any genuine opinion on things i didnt make or not interested in(it requires me to think harder than i should and I don’t want that) but im not saying your art is bad or anything

*Jesus, one ask from one person at a time. If curiosity gets the best of ya, compile it in one ask. Youre giving me quite a workout, kid

*If you get blocked, im sorry, but you didnt read the rules

*Do not ask me for my favorite things because my head usually doesnt keep record of what they are, I would try answer my friends of course

*When sending an ask addressed to a character, make sure they are residents of Avjverse. See the full list here**. Asking a character i don't have will result in a block under the belief youre just deliberately doing it on purpose to spite me. So read for your own sake

**note: not everyone in this list are available for Asks

*If youre a new acc, DNI, especially as an ask. Your acc must have been 2 weeks active or had been filled with posts. I have issues with previous trollers opening new acc and trying to befriend and exploit me so take in mind it's not to personally attack you i just dont want more bs coming from these people. If youre unable to post anything in your blog make sure your ask or dm to me is within rules so I'd have a good impression on you. It's hard to trust new accounts, im sorry

*DONT send an ask twice because either it's in queue to have a drawing or I DO NOT want to answer it. DONT DM me saying to answer your ask

*Any roleplay fanblogs not run/authorized by me that includes my characters, do not claim youre official 'cause that's a dick move, bro but any one's free to open one. I discourage any acts that could potentially ruin any of my character's image. Refer to this blog for the canon stuff

*No, i do not support Anti_ErrorxErrisk. For Anti, Errisk is A CHILD. So dont creep him up or make him a creep please, make sure Errisk in your version of the ship is of legal age.

*Yes, its totally fine with me to draw fanart of my characters (and to tag me lol) There's no need to ask permission. But i do discourage any fanart that is intended to cause bad image to my characters, any acts relating to hate, racism and assholism. Im against that. Im ok with fanarts with ships(my character x oc/another Avjverse/nonavjverse character). As long as you dont claim it to be the official one and/or canon, im ok with it. If i say i dont like a certain ship, you can still make fanart just dont tag me.

*Dont initiate RP that is meant to be long and reblogged in the asks, i dont do that. Well, occasionally with friends only, and most likely not in tumblr

*Note i block accounts that had been deemed enough to be hot listed

*I prefer not to be tagged in a post where someone is requesting to draw my characters, solo or in group. I had this notorious troll who was very rude and theyre adamant in requesting many people to draw my characters which i honestly dont want them to since they have zero respect for my characters at all and theyre also notorious in changing acc names as well as creating new ones, their usual intro is "hi, im new here" when they're actually not. I just don't want to be in the same post as they are so i request to not be tagged in such situation.

*dont start with "hi i love your art/your oc, can you draw <request>", it's registered in my brain negatively, leads me to think you're only complimenting me/my art/my characters because you want something from me. My brain will hotlist you, even if you were of good intention

*know that AVJ is unpredictable and the way our head functions varies from moment to moment. We're working on our part and it would be a nice if you also take part on yours

A mini guide on how to get around AVJ, brought to you by 10:12,07/01/22 AVJ and et al

#rules #rule #pinned post

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theygotlost · 2 years ago

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FRANCIS. and donnie. and…… 🙈 ezzie… ezzie dax.

jesus christ this is long. im putting it under a readmore

franny:

Sexuality Headcanon: bisexual. I don't think he realized it until his teen/adult years and now it doesnt really affect his life much now since he married piama so young but I can also see him using the fact he likes men as a way to rebel against lois (sidnote i wouldnt really consider lois homophobic if any of her kids came out she would be like "well i believe in equality so I'm going to make all you boys' lives equally miserable regardless of your sexuality. idgaf if you're gay go clean the toilet". um anyway). i just think it would be funny if piama had a celebrity crush or something and she was like wow hes sooo hot and francis would b like yeah he is 🤨😳

Gender Headcanon: i think hes a whiny little cis boy sorry. francisgender

A ship I have with said character: i do think he and piama are cute together :) i just wish she was in the show more and had an actual personality and stuff >:(((((((

A BROTP I have with said character: I like when he's with the rest of his family and gets to hang out with his brothers :) DEWER ESPECIALLY there is something so special to me abt him taking care of dewey and being kinder to him than malcolm and reese are

A NOTP I have with said character: Any other time in the early seasons when he dated a random girl for 1 episode i was like. um ok? but i didnt really HATE any of those

A random headcanon: uhhhh i feel like i should have something prepared to say here but idk. I think he listens to. weezer. fuck this

General Opinion over said character: FEMINIST WOMEN LOVE FRANCIS. also you already know every opinion ive ever had about francis already but hes so pathetic and stupid I need to squish him between my thumb and forefinger

don of tello lol:

Sexuality Headcanon: HES SO GAYBOY. LOOK AT HIS GAY ASS ANIME GIRL STANCE WHAT IS THISSSSSS

Gender Headcanon: i dont think he is cis or trans i think he is a turtle . i think he can swimming in the water for algaes. hope this helps

A ship I have with said character: nobody... tbh the ninja turtles are kinda unshippable to me. theyre just Creatures they dont “date”. But im not that far into the show yet so maybe there is another character that he can have a yaoi moment with later. But im not counting on it

A BROTP I have with said character: obviously all 4 of da turtle brothers are awesome together but DONNIE AND MIKEY ARE BESTIE VIBES!! Theyre my 2 favorites and i love their dynamic esp since they get paired up kinda often. I feel like they are the closest to each other out of all of them cause they’re both kind of the “weird” ones. Theyre neurodivergent and a minor. Also i like that donnie calls mikey “michael” its funny

A NOTP I have with said character: theres not really any viable shipping options to like or dislike . other than like the really reprehensible stuff like incest which is just like Why. do you know how sad and upsetting it is that so many tmnt blogs have to stipulate “no incest” in their bio? Can we all be normal and regular please?

A random headcanon: definitely the most online guy. Its really funny to enivision him being like a discord mod and getting into fights with people on reddit. Basically this 👇

General Opinion over said character: he’s kind so annoying but in a funny and endearing way (much like many of my favorite guys...) but he ourple so that makes up for it. My favorite tutle

ezzie:

Sexuality Headcanon: Dax and all their symbionts are like. Inherently and canonically bisexy

Gender Headcanon: everyone likes to take the “I’m having trouble with my pronouns!!” line out of context 😑 but for real she said “some mornings I don’t know if im a man or a woman until i pull back the sheet” which um... kinda transphobic... we CANCEL the ezri!!!! Jk she can be whatever you want baby. Any pronouns

A ship I have with said character: MIRROR EZRI INTENDANT KIRA HOT SOAPY BOOBS YURI LESBIAN KISS

A BROTP I have with said character: she has no friends lol sorry. Theres not really any bestie vibes between her and sisko the way there was with jadzia

A NOTP I have with said character: ONE MILLION TIMES JEZRI. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!! umm also when she started making out with worf i was like fml. That episode got me feeling so worfzia warrior but only because i was thinking “damn i wish jadzia was still here and worf was making out with jadzia instead.” it just feels weird to me

A random headcanon: idk what do you want me to say. shes so tumblrina.General Opinion over said character: i know ive tormented you enough with the senorita awesome video but that really is how i see her. Im so sorry sam please dont be mad at me but I just don’t like her that much. She’s so #QUIRKY and its really grating. And I know that she didn’t formally complete her training but she is NOT a good ship’s counselor. If i went to my therapist and told her i was depressed or whatever and she was like “yeah sometimes i wanna kill myself too 😋 the #intrusivethoughts are so AWKO TACO!!” i think i would blow my brains out. But in Field of Fire when she was trying to solve that murder case and was hunting down that vulcan guy with a cool gun that was the ONE epsiode where i liked her and thought she was cool. I would like her more if she was badass like that more of the time

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lilacandladybugs · 2 years ago

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Hey lilac! So I’ve been a Christian for pretty much all my life (I am fairly young though) and I wanted to start by saying that I really appreciate your openness about your relationship with God, it’s really inspiring!

I had a question to get your opinion on as well: I have a lot of friends who are lgbtq, and it’s something that I sometimes struggle to reconcile with my faith, and I guess I wanted to ask if you have this struggle and how you balance it :/

(I’m not expecting you to be like, an expert btw, just searching out opinions and thoughts from others)

I'm going to preface this by saying im not a theologian, or a pastor, or in ministry im just some guy who's had a hard time and ive thought about it a little. i didnt respond to this for a long time bc i just now have come across something that might be comforting to you

i was reading the bible cover to cover this month and sticky tabbing everything that i felt like i needed to research and it was so overwhelming i wasnt sure if i would be able to continue believing in god. the bible is brutal, triggering, and unfiltered image of humanity and sometimes it even makes it hard to know who god is

the law is not written for modern readers and that makes it confusing to read. i was reading a theology book on just a couple of passages that took 15 years to write because uncovering what the text meant to the people at that time just . is difficult

fortunately jesus gave us the simplified version of the law: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. that is the most important thing for you to take away from the law

similarly, the thesis statement of the new testament is "for God so loved."

everything else? i think that our relationship with god is a journey and i think that if we pursue him, if we just believe that "for God so loved" and we follow those two guidelines, love God and love others, everything else should fall into place

i talked to mrs. smith about this yesterday for three and a half hours and she said listen, is learning about theology something that is from God? is the idea "im going to learn about this" is it something that you feel in your spirit God motivated you to do? is it drawing you closer to god? or is it just because you feel the need to know, from yourself? if it isn't from God, then maybe you need to rest.

from your message i think this might be true for you too. i think the most important thing to know is that i promise from the bottom of my heart that god loves you. he loves you he loves you he loves you.

what other people think about your relationship with him doesnt matter. ultimately your walk with god is between you and him. i cant tell you what to do and nor can anyone else, this is just something ive found personally comforting ig

god loves you, that's what's most important. idk maybe we should just rest in that and not worry about everything else. if he's real and he cares, he'll bring it up when it matters. just remember those three things, love God, love those around you, because "for God so loved"

#religion tw #religion #homophobia tw #christianity tw #eslyea #feel free to take or leave this #it just meant something to me as I've struggled with so many different things #if you want to see me struggling check out @in-the-whisper #where i talk about god

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actually-impostor · 3 years ago

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I am so tired

And exhausted. Disappointed. And worried

Jesus christ I'm worried

Because they are kids. They are childrens.

I'm gonna go on a long rant, everything will be tagged as it should, and this post will be behind a read more. Care for yourself while reading.

Tommyinmit. Tubbo. Ranboo. Hell, even Purpled (tho luckily i havent seen him be fucking attacked and hounded and harassed in this way. Small mercies)

They should NOT have to carry the weight of expectation A Bunch Of Adults Have Put On Their Shoulders

Read that again

YOU AS AN ADULT SHOULD NOT PUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS ON THE SHOULDERS OF CHILDREN

Should they try to better themselves every day? Yeah, but that's something every human should do

Should they stop being children just because they have a platform?

FUCK NO

Im sorry the internet and the world and the adults around you failed you to the point where you think having a mental breakdown everyday for all the struggles around the world you Are Forced To Read About is somehow normal.

Because darling, it's not.

Its not normal, or okay, or something to flex about, that your mental health is being put to such a risk just so you can stay "on top of things"

Im going to re-phrase something i said in 2019 about child actors (i know they aren't "actors" in the traditional sense but they are child celebrities, and it fits)

What you guys have to realize is that the difference between them and... idk, kids you see in your school or in your neighborhood, is that They Have An Audience. They had a sudden spike of people who from one day to the other focused their attention on them and decided "mh, I want to give them attention and a platform for a/b/c reason". You gave them your attention, if you disagree with something they said or their attitudes or whatever, you are in complete liberty to take away your view without feeling like you have to put them on blast.

They are young enough where their personalities, reactions, and opinions are still an echo of the adults and friends who surround them. They are starting to form their own opinions, but its still very much filtered by whichever influence got them first (parents, idols, teachers, older siblings, etc)

We are all ignorants when we are kids, even those who had to suffer thru a lack of privilege are ignorants of things up to a certain point. We grow to educate ourselves in whichever way we can, but we are still ignorant to A Lot Of Issues while we are growing and becoming ourselves.

The difference between us nobodies, and child celebrities (or kids with a following. Twitch streamers, tiktokers, youtubers, actors, etc) is that they have a constant spotlight and millions of eyes on them.

Everyone has access to when they fuck up because its never in private, Because They Dont Have That Privilege.

They are not allowed to mess up, because they are expected to be perfect.

Read that again.

They are KIDS who are Not Allowed To Make Mistakes Anymore.

They aren't allowed to make mistakes, a central point of growing up that helps you become a better person. They are not being allowed to grow and become better because they are not being allowed to fuck up, which is human!

And instead of Actually being helpful, the solution you, ADULTS, have come to... is to send them hate?

Your solution is to call them racist, homophobic, horrible humans who wont better themselves.

What have you done?

Answer that to yourselves.

What have you done?

Have you donated to your charity of choice? Have you given the microphone to the ones that struggle? Have you woke up and think "im gonna do a random act of kindness"?

Or are you just going to waste your energy and yourself bashing a teenager on twitter and staring as his mental health fucks off? In front of a live audience that instead of realizing they were taking things TOO FAR decided to try to "hammer the point"

What are you gonna do if they fuck off?

Because what´s happening is not "EDUCATING"

Is bullying a child.

Thats all there is. You have successfully bullied a child, yay. Now he doesn't want to learn better because no matter how much he educates himself yall still decide he is the worst human being on the planet for not being able to express something in a way YOU feel HE should.

Allow people to make mistakes without them being crucified every fucking step of the way.

Another thing is this need to remind them "i have this mental health situation, now say something to make me feel better"

Fantastic that you found someone and something that can help you out of a dark place. Now do the next part of getting Actual Capable And Profesional Help.

They are children, they are streamers. They dont have the necessary knowledge and equipment and training to help you with something serious. It should not be in their shoulder the weight of actively helping people thru a traumatic event or a shitty situation. If their streams comfort you, great. But thats all they can do.

And if they want to be educated on something Dont Immediately Shut Them Down. Let them educate themselves even if it's on something considered problematic, or something you think "is not important enough", just let them explore their interests without feeling like they have to perform everything for their audience.

Be better.

Do better.

And honestly? I didnt wanted to add this, but after all my sister has a point.

Why are you guys putting so much effort and energy into this? They play video games for a living.

Use your energy into bettering yourself and doing your part for the world. Not into bashing a 16-17 years old child.

Go outside, see the sky, change your scenario a bit. Touch some grass.

I think tomorrow i'll go for a walk.

#twitter tw #long post #cancel culture #tommyinnit #ranboo #tubbo #purpled #child celebrities #please let me know if i missed a warning or tag #updated to add a few things and fix the grammar mistakes

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ficsforeren · 3 years ago

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Don’t ask why I’m sending this many hours later then the first one lol. Also I put something about mikasa in the last chapter review by accident oops, but here’s the ch16 thoughts

1. I still have more to say about mikasa, when she said she wasn’t gonna delete the pictures she took I was so passionately angry. like I get it, I really do, that was a really important night for her, but to disrespect him after he says he’s in love with someone else that he’s planning on marrying them just made me so upset. IM SO GLAD HE SMASHED HER PHONE

Compared to the way you made reader and Erens relationship, they both love each other but also don’t want to get in the way of each other’s happiness. Mikasa on the other hand didn’t even care about his feelings, she wasn’t willing to give him up to let him to be happy. But she was also being selfish the way reader suggested Eren should be, selfish so she could experience happiness and love for herself.

Also the way she took advantage of him knowing he was drunk in that moment was really upsetting, I know he was willing in the moment but if he was drunk to the point where he couldn’t remember the next day, the least she could do was tell him what happened between them or check on him. No hate to her character but she’s a little psycho. I hope I’m not contradicting myself, I don’t like her but she’s really well written, you did a fantastic job with her.

2. Mina and the pictures, Jesus Christ, reader is never gonna get a break from seeing eremika acting like a couple.

3. When reader threw up the first time I was like 👀🤰? Then pieck asked her if she was and I was like😮 and when she found out she really was pregnant I was so happy, but also that ob-gyn needed to read the room😭 the fact that she was congratulating her when it wasn’t necessarily a good time for this news made me so uncomfy, WHAT IF SHE WAS R@PED??

4. Eren bringing her muffins and them reuniting and having breakfast together was a wholesome moment. Even if it was awkward it, seemed somewhat peaceful despite the tension, especially considering how their interactions were through text, you could feel the effort they were putting in to fix things. I think that’s something I love about you as an author, how you really get into every detail of their emotions, and it makes you feel like you’re in the room with them.

This is just my personal opinion but their conversation felt really authentic, I’m pretty honest and understanding during serious situations so I could see myself having their conversation. Especially when it comes to someone you love, It feels comforting and safe when you can lay out your feelings and the other person is ready to listen and understand them. It shows their dedication to each other and I love that. My eyes definitely started watering when Eren said he loved her for 12 year I’m so fvcking soft jdbfjdjfj 🥺

5. THE INTIMACY, Idk what you put in your writing but I’m literally on cloud fucking 9. I wanna hope everyone else feels that way too, maybe I’m only like this because I’m touch starved and single. When he asked to hug her, when he caressed her cheek, the kisses they shared after they made up, the kisses on her knuckles, UGH IM SUCH A WHORE FOR WHOLESOME INTIMACY 😩

6. CABIN EREN SUPREMACY.

That’s all for that

7. ERENS SPEECH OF LOVE, kana I literally have no heart left, it burst from a wholesome overdose when they first confessed their love, I’m on my death bed now and it’s your fault. #KanaKilledJoli

It was just to sweet, I surprisingly didn’t cry but I felt my heart clenching at his words. I wanna be loved like that, maybe not so publicly but to the point where someone calls me their home *cries in single*. I told one of my friends she felt like home to me once and she started crying, so I’d assume it feels really good to hear.

8. JEAN NOT BEING AN ASSHOLE>> I’m so proud of horse face for being supportive

9. NOW KANA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BUT THE FACT THAT SHE DIDNT TELL HIM SHE WAS PREGNANT HAS ME ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT (just like someone will be in the epilogue)

I don’t know if the car accident in the warning was about mikasas parents or that’s how someone’s gonna die, but I’m down for a car accident death.

But if he dies on his way to her I will die too. Him not knowing he could have a family with her is the saddest thing ever. I was thinking about this happening in that snippet where Levi tells her to tell eren something before it’s too late, I don’t want Eren to hear that she’s pregnant while he’s dying😭

Okay I think that’s all for the chapter.

Also I get the urge to tell you how much I admire you and your talent EVERY SINGLE DAY, but I don’t wanna be annoying. I don’t think I can tell you enough, but you are so gifted, so talented, so incredible and every other kind word in the dictionary, you deserve to be showered with a million compliments. ❤️💕

Me every time you post a new chapter:

i already told you just how much i love you and appreciate you in the previous ask, so I'm just gonna go straight to your reviews UGH I LOVE YOUUU

your reaction about mikasa is literally the reaction I wanted to pull from my readers. honestly, i can't interpret that scene better than you did. in my head i see that there are two different kinds of love: 1) where you love someone because you love them (so you put their happiness as your number one priority even if it means that you won't end up together like how eren always thought yn deserved better and vice versa) and 2) where you love someone because you want to be loved. mikasa is clearly case number two. she loves him, she really does, but she loves him because she desperately wants herself to be loved. she won't give up on him even when he tries his best to let go. this is not necessarily a bad trait but when she's really crossing the line this time. on the opposite, eren loves y/n because he thinks she deserves to be loved, and she's like that about him too. they always put each other's happiness first (which obviously in my story leads to them taking forever to finally get together lol)

yeah gotta rub more salt into the wound, am i right? 😏

and about the ob-gyn's reaction oh god why didn't i think about it like that? she could've been ra**d! omg thank you so much for your input, that was so very insensitive of me to write it that way. i am so sorry if this made you or anyone who read this feel uncomfortable. i will be more careful next time.

babyyy thank you so much for saying that 😭😭😭 it was a real struggle for me to write that scene because i had to put myself in their shoes and try to think about their feelings and it was so hard because i've never experienced that kind of love or fight and i was so worried that it would make y/n sound annoying or make eren sound like he was too much of a coward. but yes, i want to make my readers see just how much their relationship has developed throughout the story that they're now able to lay out their feelings like that. it's been a wild ride phew

DUDE ME TOO!!! i always like to add the little details like how eren would kiss the lines of her palm, or her knuckles, or her forehead or her nose because personally, those kinds of kisses are the ones that make my heart flutter lol i'm a softie too

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!! WE BELIEVE IN CABIN EREN SUPREMACY!!!!

i'm glad you liked the proposal scene! i already wrote that scene before i finished writing chapter 12 lol. there's just something about him that makes him so attractive in that scene because eren was always so guarded in the past, like he wouldn't talk about his feelings even to his bandmates, let alone to strangers. but there he is, in chapter 16, standing on the stage, singing a love song and pouring every bit of his soul out in the open for literally the whole world to see my man is simping so hard please help him

jean actually cares about eren very much. you'll see more of their interaction in the epilogue 😉

and you can see eren's reaction about her pregnancy in the next chapter too lol

the "car accident" warning was about mikasa's parents, actually, but... well, you'll see 😏

I'M RUNNING OUT OF WORDS TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU SO HERE HAVE THESE INSTEAD

#AND JOLI PLEASE #I WILL NEVEEEERRRR FIND YOU ANNOYING #ARE YOU KIDDING ME????#YOU'RE THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY!!!#YOU'RE THE YEE TO MY HAW #THE FREEDOM TO MY EREN #I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCHHHHHH #TLS chapter 16 review #the last song canon

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akechicrimes · 5 years ago

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7 or 71 for either shuake or yukamitsu [big eye emojis]

7. “I told you that I’d never leave you; I’m not going anywhere.”

On Goro’s thirty-fourth birthday at ten-thirty in the morning, Akira calls him at work and says, “Happy birthday, dear. I just got hit by a car, and I need to know what color bike you want.”

On Goro’s thirty-fourth birthday at ten-thirty in the morning, Akira calls him at work (which Goro dubiously eyeballs for a whole four seconds before picking up) and says, “Happy birthday, dear. I just got hit by a car, and I need to know what color bike you want.”

Well, neither Goro nor Akira own a car for Akira to drive, so that means Akira got hit on foot. Goro is very calm, and has no immediate panic response to that, because he’s a rational and responsible adult. “Are you dead?” Goro asks.

“Probably not.”

“And is there a reason you’re calling me instead of the ambulance?”

“Oh, I’m fine. I think I have a bruise on one of my legs, if that counts. But I was riding your bike when it happened, so the bike got totaled, so, you know. They’ve got the same model you had, but there’s tons of new colors, if you want pictures.”

Goro takes a very long, very deep breath. Goro is very, extremely calm. “Anything is fine,” he says. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, hundred percent. I even landed on my feet; you should’ve seen it.”

“You should go to the ER anyway,” says Goro, in a voice that is truly the epitome of calm.

“I mean, I guess I could, but that seems like a waste of time. And I don’t want to just leave your bike in the middle of the road.”

“Throw it away if it’s wrecked, then.”

“But it deserves a proper send-off.”

“You’re doing this to me on my birthday, Kurusu.”

“I’ll go to the ER if you go with me,” says Akira hopefully, who is a perennially bad influence who is of the opinion that Goro should have just said he’d be ‘working from home’ and spent the day with him.

Goro takes a look at his calendar, tallies up how many meeting he’d have to reschedule, and waits a whole five seconds before he lets himself say, “Fine,” because Akira just said that he’s fine and Goro isn’t upset and everything is so calm that Goro can wait five seconds before agreeing to leave work. “I’ll see you at Leblanc.”

“Wait, wait, which color for the bike? They’ve got green, blue, a red, a kind of fun rose-gold thing, which is a bit excessive considering it’s a bike, and teal, and a kind of blue and orange Naruto-y thing…”

“Anything is fine.” Goro stops. “Except the last one.”

“Red it is! See you in a bit.”

“Don’t ride that bike back to Leblanc,” says Goro, as if lightning might strike twice on the same day on the same man riding the same model bike of the same color, but Akira’s already hung up. Goro speed-drafts a rescheduling email, copy-pastes it to four different people, and then sprints out the office door without even a goodbye to his coworkers.

Friday, 11:16 AM

FUTABA: hey

FUTABA: hey goro

FUTABA: hey gorororororororororo

FUTABA: HEY MR AKECHI KURUSU

GORO: If it’s about the traffic accident, I heard about it.

GORO: I’m going back to Leblanc now.

FUTABA: no it’s smthg else

FUTABA: well it is about the accident but i got smthg else for u

FUTABA sent MOV19.mp4

FUTABA: ripped this from the traffic cam

GORO: Is this footage of the accident?

FUTABA: yeehaw

GORO: …Thank you for the offer, but I don’t know if I want to see this.

FUTABA: ok i hear u but i promise it’s hilarious

FUTABA: and also u might feel better if u see it

FUTABA: like idk what he told u on the phone but like

FUTABA: look the car even slowed down at the intersection

FUTABA: the dude was obeying traffic laws and everything he was doing something like ten under the speed limit

FUTABA: the car ENTIRELY missed akira

FUTABA: got the bike full on

FUTABA: and then he just rolls up across the hood and up the windshield like a looney toon

FUTABA: rip ur bike tho it just goes cronch

FUTABA: instant pretzel

FUTABA: ty bichael for ur sacrifice

FUTABA: also idk i figured you

FUTABA: might wanna see for urself that he’s okay

FUTABA: like u can see him stand up at the end and he’s not even confused or anything he’s super duper ok

FUTABA: he’s not bullshitting u over the phone and pretending he’s ok when he’s not ok

FUTABA: u know how he does lmao

GORO: …Huh.

GORO: He really did land on his feet for a whole second there, didn’t he?

FUTABA: yeah like a cat

FUTABA: it’s nuts tbh

FUTABA: and then he remembers he’s a human and falls on his ass LMAO

FUTABA: show it to morgana i want his professional kitty cat opinion on the matter

FUTABA: rate akira’s near death experience

FUTABA: also the driver was v nice and v apologetic and he gave akira his insurance

FUTABA: but i have his home address and work address and phone number and the name of his dog if you want it

GORO: Just the insurance will be fine.

FUTABA: kk

GORO: …And thanks for sending the video.

GORO: Even though I already knew he was fine.

FUTABA: you know those like

FUTABA: itty bitty teeny weeny micro dogs

FUTABA: that are like four and a half pounds

FUTABA: but they think they can take any mfer on the block out of sheer will alone

FUTABA: and theyve always got their eyeballs bulging out and they pick fights with 70 pound dogs

FUTABA: and they have only two emotions which are rage and anxiety and they shake constantly because theyre only four pounds and they have So Much Emotion and nowhere to put it so they vibrate at the speed of sound

GORO: Is this a metaphor about me.

FUTABA: it’s a metaphor about you

FUTABA: because i can hear your shaky angry anxious four pound vibrating all the way from the other side of tokyo

GORO: You are the smallest, angriest, most anxious person I know, who regularly picks fights with international hacking organizations and billion-dollar companies.

GORO: And I, somehow, am the angry shaky dog.

FUTABA: your husband got hit by a car on ur birthday

GORO: I know that.

GORO: I do not need to be reminded.

FUTABA: ah yeah

FUTABA: sorry

GORO: He’s fine.

GORO: He said he’s fine.

GORO: And from this footage, he’s more than fine.

FUTABA: he is super double extra fine with a side of fine

GORO: Unless this footage was in any way edited.

GORO: And unless he was faking his call, somehow.

GORO: In which case, I’m going to walk into Leblanc and find out that he was just pretending to be okay so he could hear my voice one last time and Leblanc will be swarming with police officers to break the news the newly bereaved.

GORO: But that’s not going to happen.

GORO: Because Akira is fine, and I’m perfectly fine.

FUTABA: im rly glad to hear my man

GORO: This footage isn’t edited, is it.

FUTABA: no

GORO: Are you very sure?

GORO: Videos are easily modified.

GORO: Would you even know if it was edited?

FUTABA: yes im a literal wizard of course i would know

FUTABA: where are u even getting this idea from

GORO: The entire series of events is unrealistic, isn’t it?

GORO: You said yourself that it was almost like something out of a cartoon.

GORO: The likelihood that someone gets hit by a car and comes out of it entirely no worse for wear is practically ridiculous.

FUTABA: i ripped that film straight from the cam it is entirely unedited

GORO: But how can you be sure? Did you see him in live camera?

FUTABA: i mean no but he texted me

GORO: What if that was his dying text.

FUTABA: i rly dont know if his dying text would have been the “i lived bitch” meme with the cat filter

FUTABA: he’s fine dude

FUTABA: that’s why i sent you the video

GORO: I KNOW he’s fine.

GORO: I’m asking if there’s any solid evidence.

FUTABA: THE VIDEO

GORO: I’m going to call him. Brb

FUTABA: so what he can tell you he’s fine AGAIN and you’ll be like

FUTABA: “oh but what if it was secretly a pod person who stole his body after he died tragically after calling me one last time to hear my voice”

FUTABA: he is FINE

FUTABA: like go ahead and call him if u want but

FUTABA: the only person who was gonna edit that footage was me

FUTABA: and if he were dead i would not be functioning enough to be doing any kinda photoshop like that

FUTABA: let alone LIE to you jesus christ!!!!!

FUTABA: god

FUTABA: i pronounce you King Shaky Dog

FUTABA: the tiniest and angriest and shakiest and most anxious four pound goblin

FUTABA: i will reclaim my title tomorrow

FUTABA: for now it’s my birthday gift to you

FUTABA: the title of Shaky Dog allows you to go absolutely apeshit and nobody will judge you

GORO: You know I hate birthday presents.

FUTABA: did you call akira

GORO: I hate birthday presents so much that I will be refusing my title as King Shaky Dog and will henceforth not be going ape shit.

FUTABA: ok so

FUTABA: i didnt mean to

FUTABA: get snippy with you or anything

GORO: It’s fine.

GORO: I wasn’t… exactly polite, myself.

GORO: So.

FUTABA: um

FUTABA: you really can call him if you want

FUTABA: there’s nothing wrong with that

FUTABA: between u and me……………………. i definitely did that more than once for a lot lesser reasons than someone getting hit by a car

GORO: My stop is in less than thirty seconds.

GORO: I will probably live.

FUTABA: lmao ok well

FUTABA: if u change ur mind about losing ur shit then please know i gave u that footage in the first place because i think if something like that happened to MY partner i would mcfreakin lose it

FUTABA: speaking of her

FUTABA: sumi says happy birth btw

FUTABA: but cuter because u know how she is

FUTABA: “happy birthday crow-senpai~~~~~~~~” in her shy voice that makes u wanna die

FUTABA: ofoogofhghhfoghfhhghfh g gh SUMI ur so cute ilysm

GORO: Tell her I said thanks.

GORO: And stop telling me how much you love her and use the ring you made me go ring shopping with you for.

FUTABA: HHHHH

FUTABA: im being cyberbullied for being a cowardly lesbian

GORO: I’m at my stop, by the way, so I’m going offline.

FUTABA: which tbh i probably deserve

FUTABA: oh kk see u

FUTABA: watch the video again mr shaky dog

FUTABA: akira is fine

FUTABA: everyone is alive

FUTABA: you are one year older

FUTABA: happy birthday goro

The bike is totaled.

Akira isn’t the sort of person to dump a piece of trash right in front of Leblanc, but it’s hard to miss sticking out of the nearby public trash bin. The back wheel has exploded into serrated wheel-spokes and limb rubber bits that Akira’s shoved into the trash as best as he could. The body of the bike is crushed in on itself, exposing its sharp hollow innards; the handlebars resemble a badly-tied knot. The front wheel is left to stick up and out, creaking gently, spinning overhead from half a hinge like a head not quite fully severed.

The cafe is empty except for its usual barista who, of course, is a very normal and mild-mannered barista, who has nothing to do with the several hundred millions worth of dollars of repatriated art hiding in the attic en route back to South Korea. That would be illegal, of course, and Akira Kurusu-Akechi has never once in his life done anything illegal in the name of what’s morally right. “Welcome back, dear,” says Akira, and hangs up a coffee mug to dry, and it’s so normal that Goro is convinced that either he’s experiencing yesterday, or maybe he’s re-experiencing the year 2016 all over again, or maybe Akira really is dead and this is just his ghost.

Goro sits in his usual spot at the bar. Same chair, sixteen years later. Unbelievable. Maybe Goro’s giving him a little bit of a dumbfounded look, because Akira tilts his head, leans across the bar, and pecks Goro on the cheek.

“Where’s Sakura?” Goro asks.

“Having his midday old man nap. So,” says Akira, looking pleased with himself, “either we can close Leblanc for an hour and raid the kitchen and make lunch, or we can close Leblanc and go out and have a fancy lunch. Your choice because I already made dinner reservations and we’re doing those no matter what.”

Goro really means to give him an answer, because Akira really does love Goro’s birthday every year and never fails to pick someplace nice for the day, but instead what comes out of his mouth is: “Did you ride the new bike back home?”

“Yeah, I did. Figured I might as well take it for a test drive. It’s a good bike.”

“Why didn’t you take the subway?” Goro says sharply.

“Didn’t have my card.”

“You just rode the bike all the way across Tokyo?”

“It wasn’t all the way across Tokyo, just a bit away and back… Goro?”

Ah, Goro’s going to become one of those people who has a meltdown any time their loved one gets on a plane or a train or ksomething else associated with heebie-jeebie nonsense magical thinking. Great. Fantastic. God dammit.

“Do you really want me to go to the ER?” Akira asks eventually.

Goro really wants Akira to have never gotten hit in the first place, but people don’t get what they want and sometimes the universe decides to send one bad fucking driver through a red light and take away Akira’s entire life in a split second—one mistake, a coincidence at the wrong place and time, and the boy who fought God and won is a smear of bones on the pavement.

This would be different if it were sixteen years ago, and Goro had the power to bend people’s minds in half until they broke, or dive into the deepest, bloodiest parts of the collective psyche and pummel the worst of them to a pulp—but what’s he going to do here? Lambast a guy who was going ten miles under the speed limit and just wasn’t looking the right way? Is he going to summon a new Persona from his soul and undo time itself?

Can he do anything if the universe decides, one day, that Akira’s time on this earth is up? He spent all those years desperate for power, and then abusing that power, and then desperately guilty for having abused that power, and then desperately trying to get up that power, and now here he is with the power to do jack shit when his husband almost gets run over and if the Metaverse were still around he swears he would have carved Loki from his own soul out of sheer fury alone—

“No,” says Goro sharply, and stands up. “It’s nothing. I’m not hungry, and I’m going for a walk. Please don’t text me unless it’s an emergency.”

“What—hey! Goro, wait, wait—”

“I’m getting some fresh air!”

Akira’s scrambling to get out from behind the bar. “Didn’t you just get here—?”

Goro spins around and points a finger at Akira like it’s his fault: “You were the one,” he snarls, “who promised, when we got married, that we’d always be together. And now you get hit on a bike, and then stand up like it’s nothing and—and get on another bike and go cycling around the exact same streets where you got hit—? Aren’t you scared? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Akira falls silent. “I didn’t go back to the same intersection,” he says at last.

Goro can’t take this. “I’m taking a walk.”

“Wait wait wait, Goro, just—” Akira grabs Goro’s hand and Goro has the sudden urge to yank his arm away, but Akira’s hand is also incredibly real, just like it felt this morning and yesterday and the day before that and all the days Goro ever took Akira’s living, breathing body for granted. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. He was going, I dunno, twenty miles per hour at most. It was an intersection. He’d slowed down beforehand and everything, and I didn’t even get hurt on the fall.”

Right, because Goro’s the one who’s just freaking out for no reason. Right. Okay. Because that’s how he is, isn’t he, always being dramatic over little things. Right. Of course. This is fine.

When Goro doesn’t turn around, Akira moves around to the front to look him in the eye. “Sorry if I made you worry,” says Akira. “But it was really nothing at all.”

“Maybe it was nothing this time,” says Goro forcefully. “But what about the next time—the next car—the next time you borrow my bike? What about tomorrow? Or the day after that? Literally any one of the hundreds and hundreds of days coming up where you could easily die just as easily as you died today.”

“Then I’ll escape death hundreds and hundreds of times,” says Akira.

Goro scoffs.

“I mean it. I was a Phantom Thief, wasn’t I? I escaped death more than once. Did it again today. I’ll do it as many times as it takes until we’re both old and grey.” Akira takes Goro’s hand, but it’s Goro who laces their fingers together.

“Sometimes it doesn’t work that way,” says Goro, like a bad echo of his ten-year-old self, trying to figure out what kind of world would let his mother die.

“I’m just keeping my promise,” says Akira. “I told you that I’d never leave you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Sometimes that’s not your decision to make.”

“It is and I’ve decided I’m immortal until you die.”

Goro scoffs. “Don’t be arrogant.”

“Is it being arrogant? I didn’t let death steal you away from me. I’m not letting it steal me away from you, either.”

“Sometimes…” Goro begins.

“'Sometimes’ what?”

'Sometimes’ what?

Sometimes things get worse. People die early, and unfulfilled; they streak through the sky in a blaze and then wink out, without even a burst of fire to show for it. Sometimes nobody gets a say in what happens, and plans don’t pan out, and wishes aren’t granted, and everything happens for no good reason and no good end.

Today, Goro Akechi-Kurusu is thirty-four years old, about sixteen years older than he ever figured he was going to be. He has a career in a non-profit for maladjusted youth getting reacclimated to school systems and preparing for college, instead of the career in law he figured he’d have if he actually lived that long. He doesn’t just have one friend, but multiple friends. He has, unbelievably, a husband, which honestly still floors him to this day, considering that he was and maybe still is convinced that marriage is a scam devised by asshole men like his father to manipulate young women into a false sense of security. The other day, Akira mentioned that he wanted to get a cat to keep Morgana company, maybe in a few years when they moved into a pet-friendly apartment, and in Goro’s head, it made sense that they would both be alive and together entire years in the future for them to get a cat.

Today is already an impossible day, isn’t it?

“Sometimes,” says Goro flatly, “you say ridiculous things, and I think that you could actually pull it off.”

Akira grins. Akira leans in for their regular greeting kiss when one of them comes home, but this time, Goro closes his eyes, leans into it, really tries to memorize the feel of Akira’s lips on his. Every line and scar on his hands, the odd ends of his fingernails, that familiar way he waits for four beats, then takes a breath through his nose and kisses Goro again, and never can quite seem to avoid kissing him more on the bottom lip than the top. “I don’t make promises I can’t keep,” he says plainly not three inches from Goro’s face. “It’s bad form to leave a calling card and never show up.”

Goro smiles. “Then I won’t let you break your word.”

When Akira pulls away, he kisses the back of Goro’s hand, like a proper gentleman thief of old. “Happy birthday, dear,” he says, and surprisingly, despite the way this awful day started off, Goro thinks that Akira might be able to pull that promise off, too.

#clouis-loumentine #mine #I TRIED RLY HARD TO WRITE YUKAMITSU but it wasnt happening im sry #please take this apology akeshu instead #also yall have no idea how much self control it took for me to write this oneshot instead of #'goro akechi goes bald at age 24 and akira reassures him he still loves him even tho he has shido's hair genes'#honestly i shouldve done that

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 4 years ago

Text

Discord pt 91

[Date: 17/03, 07:20 PM GMT - 17/03, 07:41 PM GMT]

[CW for self-harm, gore]

Little-K1ng: “hello everyone i just woke up”

Maxwell: “eyyyyyyy

so....

things have gotten worse”

Little-K1ng: “oh?

at least my migraine subsided a little (for now)”

fetch: “...hey.”

Little-K1ng: “so i can handle Problems and possible Consider Solutions

...hey”

Maxwell: “we had about uh two arguments”

Little-K1ng: “oh ffs

between who”

Maxwell: “uh fetch and jack then a small problem with prince”

fetch: “and since everyone's yanking my collar here i figure I should tell you.”

Jack the Observer: “Fetch and I”

Maxwell: “or rather asher”

fetch: “i... have a circlet growing too.”

Little-K1ng: “ah..... of course you do

somehow that doesnt upset me as much as knowing you felt the need to lie to me about it”

Jack the Observer: “...”

Maxwell: “and then uh prince saw fetch and jack were arguing over whether or not to tell us when prince appeared....”

jayyyyyyyy: “hey mona, check behind your ears? considering youre the fourth”

Little-K1ng: “am i?

did one of them say that?”

jayyyyyyyy: “well, crown did say all the four were together when you were with fetch, marcus and max

it was heavily implied..?”

Maxwell: “we tried to tell faem not to look in here but fae did and prince read back a lot of stuff”

fetch: “there's nothing official. if you aren't growing one then we don't have to worry.”

Maxwell: “and found out me and fetch were knight and page—”

Little-K1ng: “i cant feel anything, but as long as fetch has figured out the difference between knotting hair and gold, i will take a second opinion”

Maxwell: “i then told prince faer name before fae became prince and uh didnt go well

fae panicked and were confused and then more arguing started”

Little-K1ng: “what did you think was going to happen when you did that?

i mean that in a very kind way, of course.”

Maxwell: “i dont kow the others brought it up but i didnt think it would cause such a bad reaction to faem”

Jack the Observer: “And you’ve been getting migraines, Mona.

Better be safe than sorry.”

Maxwell: “fae....fae ended up scartching their arms really bad”

[Jack the Observer: “And you’ve been getting migraines, Mona.]

Little-K1ng: “thats my secret, jack. i always get migraines”

Jack the Observer: “But.

Little-K1ng: “its alright, max. you didnt know”

Jack the Observer: “Make sure.”

Maxwell: “oh and uh...theres more buds

and theyve started blooming....”

Little-K1ng: “oh? let me see

hm, yeah... thats some buds, bud”

Jack the Observer: “Remember someone to check Marcus as well.”

Maxwell: “heh

he feel asleep earlier but said we could check

hes got nothing as far as we saw”

Little-K1ng: “ill check him later”

jayyyyyyyy: “thats kinda making me wonder. why are flowers only blooming on max and fetch, but not marcus?

marcus is arguably a more important asset to crown. hes been there since the beginning”

fetch: “they aren't flowers on mine. they're just seeds.”

jayyyyyyyy: “you know what i mean”

Maxwell: “honeslty im fine with them not appearing on marcus it hurt so fucking much man”

Jack the Observer: “Marcus seems... historically immune to Crown’s abilities though.”

Maxwell: “my head felt horrid this morning”

Little-K1ng: “here, i have some ointment stuff thats like a local anesthetic, itll dull the pain”

Maxwell: “thank you”

Little-K1ng: “then we can see about the headache”

jayyyyyyyy: “yeah i was just about to say

painkillers are a good idea too

this may seem kinda gorey, but, uh..

(tw)

you think maybe the circlets you had on, uh.. planted something? in your heads?”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “oh hi marcus”

Marcus: “Good...morning?

What time is it?”

Little-K1ng: “i havent even looked, im just up as well”

Marcus: “Oh”

Little-K1ng: “mid afternoon, almost definitely”

Marcus: “oh”

jayyyyyyyy: “hi marcus”

Marcus: “Wait when did I.. how long was I asleep?”

Maxwell: “yeah im surprised you didnt wake up from our arguing”

Marcus: “Hi jeight”

fetch: “you've been out for a while. was starting to get worried.”

jayyyyyyyy: “really pulling a gnf huh”

Little-K1ng: “marcus and fetch, you both have been sleeping almost more than i do”

Marcus: “I would back read but....judging from the recent stuff I see, I’d rather not”

Little-K1ng: “yeah...

would you two like to update him a little?”

Marcus: “We’re checking laurels?”

jayyyyyyyy: “want a summary?”

Maxwell: “ive been tired but trying to keep from sleeping, ive been falling asleep at school though...”

Little-K1ng: “im just putting some stuff behind max's ears to help the pain

if you start getting pain there too, let me know and ill do the same”

fetch: “max's laurel is growing, prince remembered faer real name and disappeared.”

jayyyyyyyy: “falling asleep at home is better than during class, max :(”

[fetch: “max's laurel is growing, prince remembered faer real name and disappeared.”]

Marcus: “fuck”

Maxwell: “fetch has seeds on his head now too”

fetch: “...yeah. that too.”

Marcus: “Guys...come on

There’s a reason..

guys”

jayyyyyyyy: “you good?”

fetch: “its whatever. max is the one who's hurting, we should help him first.”

Marcus: “Before you two, people went to crown willingly”

[fetch: “its whatever. max is the one who's hurting, we should help him first.”]

Little-K1ng: “dont lie to me. if you're in pain, you had better tell me. we talked about this...”

Maxwell: “yeah prince found out me and fetch were page and knight and it did not end well

fae thought we left because of faem”

[Little-K1ng: “dont lie to me. if you're in pain, you had better tell me. we talked about this...”]

fetch: “I'm fine.”

Marcus: “Fetch.

Come on”

fetch: “im telling you guys im fine I promise.”

jayyyyyyyy: “being all humble n shit isnt gonna help anyone, fetch”

Marcus: “Don’t start arguing Fetch

seriously

Who does that help in the end

Who”

fetch: “for fucks sake why does nobody ever let me do things myself. everyone always has to get involved in my own problems.”

jayyyyyyyy: “this isnt just your problem”

Marcus: “Fetch, your problems are very quickly becoming everyones problems”

[fetch: “for fucks sake why does nobody ever let me do things myself. everyone always has to get involved in my own problems.”]

Little-K1ng: “because i care, fetch. ive had to go through the grief of losing you too many times. the least i could do is dull some of the pain”

Marcus

We’re not trying to get everyone involved

We’re telling you that if you’re in pain, we can help

fetch: “im not in pain jesus fucking christ.”

Maxwell: “....”

fetch: “it doesn't hurt.”

Marcus: “Fetch.”

fetch: “max's does.”

Little-K1ng: “it wont in a while, ive done what i can to treat it”

Marcus: “it doesn’t matter if Max’s hurts, you can both be hurting at the same time”

Little-K1ng: “its your turn. sit down and let me help”

jayyyyyyyy: “fetch, tell the truth. does it hurt?”

Marcus: “Tell the fucking truth”

fetch: “no it doesn't hurt how many times do i have to tell you.”

Marcus: “Don’t hide shit away in a document and then delete it when you get called out”

Maxwell: “IT DOES”

fetch: “i can barely fucking feel it.”

Maxwell: “I KNOW IT DOES

SYD SCREAMED IN PAIN WHEN IT HAPPENED AND IM IN PAIN

It hurts and you know it”

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:marcus #by:fetch #if the crown fits

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dumbdancemomssideblog · 5 years ago

Text

S1E1: The Competition Begins

okie dokie first ever episode of dance moms rewatch starts now :0 i actually remember watching this the very first time it aired on lifetime because i was channel surfing and saw a commercial for it earlier that day. that was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. ah memories... i didnt know what to expect because i did dance when i was a kid but not on a competition team and it was mostly ballet so i was pretty unfamiliar with this whole world.

anyway lets begin. this is probably gonna be a longer post than what i’ll end up writing for the other episodes in season 1 bc the first episode introduces so much info, just a heads up

Act 1: (aside: yes its insufferable to divide this into “acts” when its really just like “segments separated by commercial breaks” but thats how they’re called in actual tv scripts so im just going with that cuz i cant think of a better/easier way uwu)

god this is so fucking early 2010s lmao

i miss these days where they were just talented nobodies from pittsburgh on a low budget reality tv show that nobody even knew would be successful. and the bad hair and makeup but idk if that was also just a 2011 thing lol

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES GREEN SCREEN INTROS IM DYING

the chalkboard !!!! they werent doing the pyramid on the mirror yet

(apparently abby never did anything similar to the pyramid thing but the producers made her and it became a whole Thing on the show and thats why the moms were like wtf is this bullshit the first week)

mackenzie looks like a toddler. chloe is so tiny. theyre the 2 who changed the most physically over the course of the show

i remember watching this for the first time being used to ballet lyrical and jazz but never having done or really seen acro/gymnastics in dance choreo and being SO flabbergasted. i was thinking “a chin stand is not dancing what the actual hell” and yknow what? i was right

melissa: “my boyfriend knows how much i spend on dance because he signs the checks...............hermehhemrherrmehermh” (the most awkward laugh omg)

maddie is wearing a fucking bumpit in her hair i cannot

melissa deadass just said out loud “im here for my daughter im not here to make friends” ok everybody mark that one off on your catty women’s reality tv show bingo card!

camera man accidentally getting in the shot filming right in front of the huge wall-mirror.... what is this, amateur hour? i’ll let it slide since its the first day of filming rehearsal but step it up, boys

aw i forgot about maddie getting sick and crying :/ poor kid

melissa saying “i cant stand a chid that’s sick” sounds so edited like the intonation made it seem to me like they just cut her off mid-sentence i love lifetime

oh this was still when they were wearing normal stuff to class/rehearsal like black leotards bc they werent getting sent a trillion crazy 2-piece dancewear outfits for free yet bc they werent famous, man those were the days

Act 2:

[obligatory b-roll footage of downtown pittsburgh]

the maddie chloe paige trio !!!! this is making me feel so nostalgic

“knees together, paige. you’re bow-legged, you need to fix that”

“you’re tall, you’re skinny, you’re a beautiful girl, you can do better than this. FOCUS” shes like 10 abby what the hell

“people think im tough and i guess i am but i would rather be the one to make your kid cry in the privacy of my studio than at an open-call audition in front of hundreds of people”

okay unpopular opinion alert: i agree with a lot of what abby says about stuff like this but her delivery is flawed, to but it euphemistically, that being said i think the production team of the show and the fame inflating her ego changed all of this somewhere over the course of the second season and its really sad to see :/ i can expand on that thought later tho

aw paige crying bc abby correcting her (but not saying anything personal or out of line, just technique corrections (at based on what we were shown, we dont know everything she said oop)) shes a sensitive kid she never should have been put on this show :(

paige looks exactly like her mom i didnt realize that before

nia and holly were done so dirty throughout the whole series in terms of the narrative the producers set up about nia being the weakest link :/

Act 3:

cathy’s entire involvement in the show from the very beginning was so painfully obviously scripted (or at least heavily staged)

vivi was also done dirty by the show’s narrative and she was only 6 and they presented her as like the butt of the joke bc her mom’s “character” was crazy and also she wasnt good at dance. i wonder how she feels about the show now that shes a teenager hmm. she really seemed not to give a fuck about dance for better or for worse when she was a kid tho so maybe she doesnt care ?

in what universe would an owner of another competitive dance studio bring her own kid to another studio more than an hour’s drive away, AND be under the impression that she could compete with them in a week, especially when they showed the kids’ and moms’ shocked reaction at the start of the episode to having to learn a dance in a week and compete it? like really what is the point of cathy and vivi being a part of this show im so ????

Act 4:

THE MINISTER DAWN OUTBURST HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS

this fight is about 50% of what got them a full season 1 and then things took off from there tbh. the other 50% was the electricity dance but thats a point for next episode..... :)

“you’re a minister act like one” “YOU’RE RIGHT I AM A MINISTER! LET’S PLAY THE BIBLE GAME ABBY, WHEN JESUS SAW THINGS THAT WERE WRONG HE WENT AFTER THEM, AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS TO MY KID” ma’am i think the wrongs jesus addressed were of slightly more importance than a preteen being told she cant take a dance class if shes violating the studio’s dress code

this is so good bc it wasnt staged afaik and there are regular students all throughout the building just STARING at them like lmao what even is going on, so im pretty sure this is real???

regardless, yeah dont wear socks and a tshirt to an acrobatics class, thats common fucking sense

another cameraman-in-mirror sighting, but its hard to think about angles when filming spontaneous drama like this, so i wont count it against them

“you called me fat” (i remember that being in the episode but thats not on the episode available through lifetime on demand that im watching from my moms tv hmmmmmm) “i told you to close and tuck in your two-piece costume, theres a big difference. HOW CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT BUT YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR FEET OUT” uh scream

she really called the police on this woman i cannot handle this. can you imagine being a police officer responding to this call?

“we have a parent thats out of control. pardon? no shes doesnt have weapons, just her mouth” iconic

im sorry im still not over the hair and makeup. the flat hair with the side bangs. the black pencil eyeliner applied all the way around the eye. why did any of us think this was a look :( why did we do this :(

Act 5:

they went all the way to phoenix to compete 3 numbers, only 2 of which are shown in the episode.

i think this is the only time they ever went to west coast dance explosion because its an actual competition and they wouldnt allow filming after this lol i think they did go to wcde one weekend in addition to a competition where they were filming but it wasnt shown or mentioned at all

abby not wanting brooke and paige to have a french manicure on stage if theyre the only ones in the group with the french tips is perfectly valid idk why it was framed as some crazy micromanaging shit

i also am really not a fan of the whole “high functioning alcoholic wine mom/crazy stage mom” schtick they were pushing for the first few episodes of this show

in retrospect i feel like so many of the quips in this episode were intentionally fucking crazy just to get the audience engaged enough to want to watch more episodes...

“see those girls down there, those girls with the legs? thats who you’re up against, so step it up”

abby warning them that its dangerous for their little party hats to slip when they’re doing aerials and pirouettes and stuff: “what if you were at radio city music hall and they had the ice rink out and you were doing a side aerial and fell 13 stories down and died, huh?” fantastic point abby thank you for saying that to 5 girls ages 8-12 less than 5 minutes before they went on stage. perfect time for a teaching moment like that :)

i forgot how bad the camera work was in the first few episodes for footage of their performances. like they really didnt think the show’s audience would actually want to watch the kids dance, the producers and editors thought we just wanted to see stage mothers yelling at each other lol

also the mic feed over the music of abby talking to herself giving them corrections while watching them dance on stage.... im so glad they quit doing that. i dont remember them doing it like that for any other episode, i hope im right

this choreo is very basic and its a cute dance i guess but its very cringe in some places and for the first episode this is such a forgettable group routine

their scandalized reaction to placing third and the sad piano music is so funny honestly

and maddies reaction in the interview which was almost definitely fed to her by the producers where shes like “i win all the time i dont really know what its like to LOSE i always win or get runner up” so many of maddies lines from season 1 interviews sound so fake and she was probably too naive to know they were getting her to say that stuff so they could paint her as a conceited brat (she was EIGHT)

the trio costume was so ugly im sorry (is it supposed to be like a 50s pinup bathing suit?) (and the headband thing looks so bad) and also the music is bad but they had no real authority over that bc of copyright stuff

chloe’s headpiece coming forward and the ensuing drama was another moment in the episode that really solidified public interest in the show imho....

“YOU’RE IN THE BAR HAVING A DRINK AND YOUR KID’S HEADPIECE IS FALLING OFF” “it did not FALL OFF it CAME FORWARD it was FINE!!!”

“mistakes happen, we’re human.” “YOU are. mistakes like that dont happen to me”

and then the “next time on dance moms” with the WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE electricity dance, of course. genuinely that was really smart of the producers in terms of structuring things to generate intrigue lol. and obviously it ended up working....

#dance moms #s1e1 #season 1

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ilguna · 4 years ago

Text

i also have a list of shit my history teacher (this year) has said and done so I will share it with you:

warning: its really fucking long bc he would say/do shit MULTIPLE times a day

goes onto the next slide, “it’s a meme, get it?” proceeds to explain the meme (its the hey arnold meme with the first)

also goes onto another slide, with the twitter opinion meme. at the end of the paragraph it says “this class smacks, I’m lit”

“I’m going to beat up your brother. i am going to pummel him.”

On the 6th day of class he finally realized that there was a total of 6 guys and the rest were girls

student: “You should not put it in (as an assingment)”. teacher; “laugh out loud, im dead”

he was teaching us how to write a DBQ, the computer had a pop up saying that the battery was low, and then a spider shows up out of fucking nowhere, hanging from the ceiling. he CLAPS it, jokes about eating it, and then sets it on his desk (not in the trash can 2 feet away) so he can “deal with it later”

his endless military stories, specifically ORANGE DESERT

he wrote “if you would have had your thinking skull on” on my first DBQ

him saying “I hate this” after typing a word wrong multiple times while teaching us DBQ’s lmfao

“For the lols”

Threw a box of tissues across the room into the trash can

threw a box of tissues at a student

he had this obsession with throwing expo markers at his whiteboard, trying to make it land on the metal part so expect that a lot.

“Do you want me to drown him in a bathtub?” (which was about a student’s dog that had separation anxiety lmaoo)

Sang the rain drop, drop top song

The collars on his shirt turned up

“He’ll be beaten for that distraction” (after his son called him during his lesson and he willingly answered)

“Stay woke”

“It was a hot boy summer for him”

expo marker landed on the metal thing for once thanks to a towel that was there

kyle (it must have been a story or something i dont remember)

He woah’d at some point

HAHA so there was a kid in my class that had got caught with a bong on the second week of school and he was suspended. when he came back to class, we were going over what the south grew in the U.S. very early on into colonization. and he used the bong kid as an example of a tobacco farmer

tried to eat a balled up paper

“important revolutionary war stuff”

“My bae, George Washington”

“They could’ve killed g-dubz, but they didn’t”

called george washington “g-dubz” frequiently

“Facts”

“Swagtastic”

he got excited over a military general (baron friedrich von steuben) for being a gay military general--”That was very well respected!”

“He had a ton of swagger”--referring to ben franklin

“His nickname was the swamp fox. You guys can call me that”

The snowball fight story--his brother was friends with a kid he hated next door. my teacher challenged the kid--Eric--to a snowball fight. In preparation, my teacher had froze snowballs, and so when he did have the fight, he LITERALLY knocked Eric out and left him on the front lawn unconscious (he was an elementary school kid)

one time he gave us the punishment quiz by accident, tried to make up for it by giving everyone the answer to #6. however, it turned out to be wrong so he just gave us all 100′s instead

another military story of the goat he bought from an old man with his buddies. unfortunately they had to kill the goat to eat, but the FACT that my teacher said this “a cute little goat--you know, baaa?” as if we didn’t know what a goat was

He was the golf/hockey coach!! so not only would he talk about beating up the kids in the golf club

he would also do random golf swings all the goddamn time! with no gold club or ball, it was just air.

“You are about to get clowned, young lady”

pronounced pamphlet as pamplet fora good part of his teaching career (another story he told us)

“It’s definitely not the declaration of independence you mouth breather!”

George washington = bae on a powerpoint

“you tied me up real good”

“France also popped off”

Compares the Connecticut compromise to ppap (with the song and everything!)

Told someone to shut up after they suggested that Iowa was the least populated state (he’s from Iowa)

hick iowa, to be exact

Wrote 23 as 32, realized his mistake and said “oop im dyslexic”

“If it’s a purge, I’m killing everybody”

“Federalism, not onion!’

“Who’s the dumbass guy? Ducey!” (our state governor)

he got arrested once. his mugshot is on google images and everything

he got arrested bc some guy was destroying his house w a baseball bat at a party his friendw as throwing (but it was at my teachers house). my teacher respectfully punched him and brought him to the front lawn. called the cops when the guy wouldnt leave and ended up being arrested too. teacher thought his career was over and threatened the guy the entire way to the police station

“laugh out loud!”

“We beat the begeezus out of a bunch of british people”

pronounced wolf as woof

“Who was his daddy? Who’s his daddy?”

Called a swim cap a bonnet

“Kick!”--then proceeds to kick a tennis ball. before that he had just thrown it to get out of his way

“Jesus, you’re a big boy”

for like 2 weeks straight he used that same tennis ball to try and erase a whiteboard. and im not talking rubbing it on the board, he fucking threw it at the wall, getting it off little by little. he eventually gave up, though

“I’ll snot rocket into the trash can”

“Cause I realize most of you are morons”

was obsessed with the cowboy boogie

“Every time I cough, my tail bone hurts”

“Do i look normal?”

“I look like an old man”

“Shut up your faces”

“I see you back there, queen”

“Some of you girls need to learn from this article”--the article was old & about girls being submissive

“that would hurt some people’s feelings, but I’m not gonna show it hurt mine”

“He’s just--’meow’”--about his cat

he had a sweater that had his face on it, photoshopped over a boxer that a student gave him. he wore it during winter

flicked a tennis ball across the room with a hockey stick. hit the coffee thermo on his desk, stared for a couple of seconds, and THEN realized that it was open

First off, all you kids making memes about dodging the draft--we don’t want your dumbasses anyway” --continued to rant for a few minutes after that

he HATED the national anthem with a burning passion

“I’m old as shit”

also, his cat’s name IS meow cat

more expo marker throwing

“Hey there handsome”-- to the teacher next door

“Henry clay is going to haunt you until april” (unfortunately we didnt make it that far into the school year bc of covid. disappointed that i didnt get to be haunted)

Singing electric avenue

“but here’s the tea”

“Flagstaff is like--” *reaches as high as he can to put expo marker on the wall

“I’m adopting all of you, and we’re moving to saudi arabia”

teacher: “I’m gonna break bowers kneecaps in front of you. you still want to be on strike?” not bowers but a different kid: “no...?”

Cleaned the shades in the middle of him explaining something

“You know your pinky toe? this little roast beef?”

THE TURTLE SOUP STORY. when my teacher was still a kid, he found a turtle in the wild, and brought it to his grandparents house (they owned a farm). he took care of the turtle for a while, even after his grandfather found out. until one day he came home and saw blood everywhere, went to find the turtle to see it was gone. then found his grandfather chopping up the fucking turtle so they could have it for soup for dinner. his grandfather literally made him fatten up the turtle so they could eat it

“Did mr.*****--?” (referring to himself in 3rd person, also blocked out to protect privacy)

“i’m going to staple your nostrils closed. staple, staple. ‘I can’t breathe mr.*****!’ should’ve done your DBQ!!”

his pedo stache

stood with a paper and smiled, thinking that a student was taking a picture of him when it was really the paper

doesn’t know who gaston is???

him: “I’m going to staple your noses together. One staple” Student: “*****’s piercing parlor!”

*singing* “beauty and the beast”

“I’m going to tackle you”

more random golf swinging

“What’s up (my name)?” me: hi *he then hits the bun on the top of my head on his way in the door*

And he did it again the next day

he literally made kids compete with pastries

which reminds me, he brought donuts in 2 days in a row like a week after that and make us (his first hour) take bites bc he realized he didn’t want to eat it. one of the girls was glad to take it from him, everyone else told him no

“Good morning (my name) how are you?” me: “I’m sick again... do you need help? (with the door)” him; “Actually, yes” (normally he can open the door even when his hands are full but there was a stack of pop tart boxes that were as tall as him so) i opened the door, he goes in and says, “thank you (my name), for not being rude”

the following quotes are for the Hot Seat

Student: “what do you do--?” him: “you’re in the hot seat!”

“Some people cry”

“La *****, luxurious”

“You sit here, and you stare (into the projector light)”

basically everyone in the class had to answer a question as a review. there was a stool in front of the smartboard, perfectly placed so that the projector light would LITERALLy be in your eyes. i actually got the question right on some miracle.

“2 points of weed?”

“Can I get some of that hot leaf?”

“They will make more drugs! You can’t do that much drug!”

“You guys bullied me and stole it”

“Whole rest of the nation sucked an egg”

“Whelp, let’s just kill myself”

“Do you guys know david chapel?” *sigh when everyone says no*

*some girls singing the national anthem* Him: “no! none of this, none of this!”

“Calibri’s for idiots” (the font)

“The only thing that was in--shit”

“and uncle sam--gettin lit”

“Their daddy--UH--”

“They’re going to blame the jews--my people” (he got a dna test done, he’s not actually jewish)

“Whatever you say, boomer”

“Use my words to plagiarize in college”

“I’m jewish, that’s offensive”

“Tell him he gave me instant cancer”

Me: “can i go to the bathroom?” him: “I’ll allow it”

him: “He’s antisemetic and it hurts my feelings” student: “what does that mean again?” him: “Hates jews :(”

“You guys can call me kingfish if you’d like”

~ after we said no to the nicknames, we tried to make one for him ~

student: “cornhusker!” him: “no, that’s offensive... and it’s also nebraska”

student: “corn picker!” him: “no--that sounds like a racist term or something”

“Unless corona really does take over--” (thank u, mr. for ruining the school year”

Student: “how old was she (his mom) when she had you?” him: “thirteen”

“My mom just turned 40 the other day...” (a joke)

him: “My brother got t-boned by a semi truck last night” Student: “Why are you laughing?” him: “Because he lived.”

“Yeah bc I would hide out in a public school with 300 new kids a year” (about him not living in iowa so he’s hiding out in az to get away from his “criminal record” (refer to the 1 time hes been arrested))

“Baby death?”

“Their family has more money than jesus”

*Standing outside the door yelling “CORONA” to students walking in”

“Hey I’m *****, f-word, blah, blah”

“We should fight our cats.”

“OH that’s a big chonk cat.”

“Mortal Kombat is pretty cool. I haven’t played in 25 years”

he told us in class once that we shouldnt open the front door if cops show up at a party. just to shut the blinds and be a little quieter bc the cops cant legally open the door

also one time he had a gun pointed to his face but he never finished that story bc he never liked it

during quarantine he set a DBQ as 1000 points (and i still didnt do it)

and “Here’s the tea, kiddos!”

honorable mentions: all the time he’s sent out emails bc theyre fucking hilarious

#ilguna #high school #gen z

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