#didn't someone try to do that and die

[probably-bitchy]

HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS???

APPARENTLY Hercules Mulligan has FUCKED A HORSE?? IS THIS A KNOWN FACT? WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME

[eastbluecrewed]

things you can't get back

aka i've been waiting so patiently to see kidd get his ass beat by shanks (affectionate)

[varpusvaras]

Seventeen stares at Arell. He has to bite his teeth together so hard it feels like they are breaking in order to not to continue saying anything more, no matter how much he wants to do so. Let the bastard say what he wants in turn, and then Seventeen can continue and finish this and do whatever he wants afterwards.

Arell stares right back. He is holding back, Seventeen can see it, because he has forced his face to be expressionless, but Seventeen can still see the contempt in his eyes. He stays quiet for one, two, three, five, ten seconds, and Seventeen wants to fucking strangle him already-

"Just cry", Arell says.

Seventeen feels something twist inside his head.

"What?" He snarls.

"Just cry", Arell repeats. "There's no need for you to stand there and throw insults at me. Just cry like a normal person."

Seventeen wants to go over there and strangle him right now.

"In case you have not noticed already, I am not-"

"Shut the hell up with that already." There is emotion now on Arell's face. His mouth is contorted into a disgusted sneer. "I am not a normal person, shut the hell up. You are just a person, just a human being, there is nothing special about you. There are billions of you all over the fucking Galaxy, and you have the nerve to stand in front of me and tell me that you are somehow special, somehow different from all of them? No, you are not. You are a regular human being that the Galaxy has been kicking to the head for your entire life, and what you are supposed to do now is to be a normal person and cry about it!"

Seventeen wants to fucking kill him.

"Shut up", he says. He isn't yelling. He doesn't do yelling.

"What?" Arell scoffs. "You don't like hearing the truth? That you are not some unfeeling killing machine, too good for normal people stuff? Well that's too bad, because that is what you need to hear, and I am telling you that right now. You are not special. You are just a human!"

"Shut up." Seventeen is not yelling. He doesn't do yelling. Yelling doesn't do anything.

Neither does crying.

"Or what?" Arell asks. He stares right at Seventeen, unmoving, challenging, like Seventeen is not a highly trained soldier, bred for war, capable of snapping his neck with his bare hands if he wants to. He is staring at Seventeen like Seventeen is just a regular person, living their regular life and a normal house, doing menial daily tasks like laundry and dishes and cooking and cleaning because that is what his life is.

There's a stab at Seventeen's abdomen. A phantom pain that wants to spread like a fire to the rest of his body.

"Or what?" Arell repeats, like he can see it, like he knows that Seventeen is not a threat to him, because he is a broken product that has been cast aside because he is of no use anymore.

"Shut up!" Seventeen is not yelling. He does not do yelling. Yelling helps nothing. Neither does crying.

"Or what!" Arell takes a step forward. Seventeen stands his ground, no matter how much his body is burning, no matter how much it is telling him to just collapse to the ground and lay there and scream. "Or what, Seventeen? What are you going to do? You can't keep running away from this! You have already lost the first half of your life, do you want to keep wasting the rest of it away too, pretending to be something you are not?"

"Shut up!" There is fire everywhere. "Shut up! You don't know anything!"

"I know enough!" Arell is standing in front of him and looking down at him. "I know that you are a human! That's all I need to know! That's all that you need to know! Now cry, damn it!"

Seventeen screams.

He is being stabbed through his abdomen, with a blade that is hotter than all the blaster bolts he has ever shot in his entire life, and his legs stop working and he falls to the ground, both numb and on fire, and he heaves the air in and out, like it is supposed to help, but nothing helps, nothing ever does, he has tried, he has tried and nothing ever does, he doesn't need it, he needs to just keep going-

There is a strange noise coming from somewhere. It's guttural and sorrowful. Angry and frustrated. Pitiful and pleading. Seventeen knows the noise. It's how all the cadets had sounded like when they would fall down, bruised and beaten by everything, tired and angry and scared about everything happening around them and to them. They would wail like that, asking for help, and it never helped anyone.

Seventeen listens to it, wondering what had been the cause this time. If it had been the ten hours of training, if it had been the trainers screaming insults for every missed mark, if it had been the pains of a body that had been growing too fast and kept changing even faster. If it had been the fear of what was to come. If it had been the nightmares of death plaguing them even when they were awake.

It never helped. Nothing would change if you cried. No one would ever help. It was pointless. All you could do had been to just stand up and keep going, no matter what.

Seventeen can't stand up.

He listens to the crying.

There are no cadets there. Not even other clones. None other than him.

Seventeen is on the floor and he cries and he can't stand up.

There are hands on him. They pull him straighter and then drag him forwards, and then there are arms wrapping around him.

Crying had never helped. There had been no arms to hold you if you cried. The only thing you could do had been to stand up and keep going.

It's wrong. It's not how this is supposed to go. There isn't supposed to be anyone there. It's not supposed to help.

Arell sits on the floor in front of him and holds him.

It's wrong. There isn't supposed to be anyone there. It's not supposed to help.

It's not-

"I hate you", Seventeen cries.

"That's okay", Arell says.

It's not supposed to-

"I hate you", Seventeen cries.

"That's okay", Arell says, again.

Seventeen cries.

[zukkaoru]

sorry i'm thinking abt megumi's incessant desire to be the first to die vs. the narrative keeping him alive despite and how the most tragic ending for him is not actually dying, but being left behind. for megumi, the worst fate is living a long life

[good-to-drive]

I think Conan is my favorite comedian firstly because he's been to Calvin Coolidge's memorial and secondly because he likes to pause in between silly bits to remind us that eventually our graves will go unattended

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

i would like to stop experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions every day please. putting this out into the universe

[necromancy-savant]

Rehab was pretty hit or miss - I met some great people, but the program was very 12 Steps oriented, and I'm more convinced than ever that the 12 Steps is a cult that leads its members to an early death. On the other hand, changing my medication totally killed my desire to drink as did the conviction that I do not want anything to do with the world of recovery

[lilowoof]

ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[airs-headspace]

I want to ask my friends very deep and substantial questions because all of my friendships feel so superficial (on my end specifically) right now and I want them to be deeper.

[sharkneto]

What’s your opinion on writing pre-s3 fics post-s3? As in I have a ton of fic ideas for tua but they would be set before Viktor transitioned. Would following canon and referring to Viktor as his past name & gender be deadnaming him? Or should I refer to him as Viktor and forget that anything else ever existed? I’ve seen various opinions in irl from trans people about this (from wanting to never refer to that other gender or to often talking about it) not sure what to do in the case of fiction

So. This is a question that is going to have different answers from different trans people. I dug up when I last answered a question like this back when the news of Viktor first came out (HERE), but I'll restate my thoughts on it here, too, with a bit more nuance than I gave it then -

First, out of context - referring to Viktor by his previous name and gender would be deadnaming and misgendering.

In context, it all comes down to intent. My position on Viktor's story is his transition is a huge component of it - with his upbringing and the drugs, he never had a chance to figure himself out until he was free of it and off the pills. Even if he wasn't trans, his story over the first two seasons could really easily be a trans allegory, along with just being a queer story. To completely ignore that he is trans feels like it would ignore a significant part of who he is and his journey to get there.

But intent. I do think intent goes a long way. If you're writing a canon-compliant fic set pre-S3, I wouldn't judge for deadnaming and misgendering him (**with a disclaimer at the beginning of the fic/chapter that it is taking place pre-transition** ). I think this especially if his transition is part of his journey or scope of the story. I do this in both my fics Joining Together and Holding It Together, in which JT his gender is never questioned but will be in the long run and in HIT we have a post-transition Viktor present with a pre-transition Viktor mentioned.

That said, if his gender journey isn't part of the scope of the story and he's an especially prominent character... I would consider AUing this one bit. If his transition doesn't play any part in the plot of the fic, it wouldn't affect anything to have it happen earlier so he doesn't get deadnamed and misgendered the whole time.

How's that for complicated advice? At the end of the day, you're showing you care by asking, and you're not going to please everyone - there's too many opinions on the matter with personal emotions involved. No one has a blanket, correct answer. And, like you said - it's fiction. We can't ask him, he's not real an he's just a character being used to tell a story to explore emotions and themes.

TLDR: Follow your gut, write what makes sense to the story you want to tell, do your best. That's all anyone can do.

[mad-hunts]

✧

send me a ✧ and i’ll bold all that apply to your muse! (with italics as a 'sometimes' option because i'm a rule-breaker and things may depend on the situation).

i would kill you. ✧ i would physically hurt you. ✧ i would attack you unprovoked. ✧ i would manipulate you. ✧ i dislike you. ✧ you annoy me. ✧ you scare me. ✧ you intimidate me. ✧ i hope i intimidate you. ✧ i pity you. ✧ you disgust me. ✧ i hate you. ✧ i’m indifferent toward you. ✧ i’d like to get to know you better. ✧   i’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ i’d like to be friends with you. ✧  i’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ i’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ you are my friend. ✧ you are my best friend. ✧ you are my mentor. ✧ i look up to you. ✧ i respect you. ✧ you are my hero. ✧ you inspire me. ✧ you are my enemy. ✧ you make me happy. ✧ i want to protect you. ✧ i would fight by your side. ✧ i consider you an equal. ✧ i think you are beneath me. ✧ i think you are above me. ✧ i would lie for you. ✧ i would lie to you. ✧ i would sleep with you. ✧ i would sleep by your side. ✧ i would hug you. ✧ i would kiss you. ✧ you are family to me. ✧ i would die for you. ✧ i would kill for you. ✧ i would trust you with my life. ✧ i would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ i would trust you with a secret. ✧ i would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ i love you (platonically). ✧ i love you (romantically).

[vault81]

ik i already did smn like this before but im doing it again!!

(template below cut!)

[stormyoceans]

thinking about pirate captain sea and surgeon jimmy like

[gu6chan]

99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????

[the-insanity-of-mojiru]

What do you mean this audio is 6 years old, I just heard it yesterday--