#didn't realize that i actually properly came out in one of my reviews

[jacquelinemerritt]

Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged Episode 6 Review

Originally posted on November 5th, 2015

The one where Cloud actually crossdresses.

So two weeks ago I talked about how Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged has shown the extent by which Team Four Star has grown, especially in regards to their handling of representation of the queer community, and how Cloud’s crossdressing arc showcases the utmost respect they have for trans and gender nonconforming folks. And this episode is no different, with Cloud’s crossdressing only being seen as degrading by one character, and praised by the rest.

Now, if you’ve been following me for a while (or read my last review of FFVII:MA), you’ll recall that the first time Team Four Star had a character make fun of a masculine woman, I was very critical, pointing out that being demeaned is something that trans and masculine women are forced to deal with on a regular basis.

I also argued that in the context of the show, having the only masculine woman be treated this way during the only time she is asserting her proper gender feels more like the intent is to make fun of masculine and trans women in general, rather than being the bit of representation they likely intended.

With FFVII:MA, however, Takahata101 seems to be going out of his way to assert something different: namely that trans and masculine women’s genders are valid, and it is only reasonable to treat their gender as such.

With that in mind, Tifa making fun of Cloud for crossdressing works, because it matches the cruelty and emotional carelessness of her established character without being the only voice we hear speaking of Cloud’s crossdressing.

The Church of Brodin has been more than supportive, a group of Chip ‘n’ Dale dancers gladly gave Cloud panties, Giuseppe is more proud of Cloud than his own son, and Aerith has been nothing but supportive since the beginning. And to top that all off, not even Don Corneo rejects Cloud upon discovering his true gender; if anything, he seems more excited once he knows the truth.

None of that is to say that this episode is perfect, of course. It suffers from some pacing issues, which is par for the course when Team Four Star is dealing with slower and calmer material. In particular, the scene in the “sex dungeon” feels slow, and while the slowdown is necessary to develop character (and expand upon Aerith’s innocence and jealousy), it feels like a significant shift both from the rest of the episode and the series as a whole, in regards to both pacing and tone.

The tonal shift in that scene might pay off later, of course; it could easily be a sign of the kind of moments we can expect to see in the future, and if that’s the case, then it means Takahata101 is working to overcome Team Four Star’s weaknesses in slower storytelling.

Rating: 4/5

If you enjoyed this review, consider supporting me on Patreon.

Stray Observations

Cloud: “One drugs, please.”

Cloud: “Grapefruits and three bras.” *sigh* Rookie mistake, Cloud. Everyone knows for a quick and dirty breast form you use nylon socks filled with grain and tied shut.

Cloud: “You don’t want me. I’m a virgin!” Poor, sweet, little Cloud, unaware of predators love for innocent prey.

Before I close, I want to take a brief moment to talk about the importance of representation. To do this, I’m going to take a small tangent. Back when I published my review of Dragonball Z: Abridged Episode 15, not long after KaiserNeko decided to reblog it and spread it, I received a message whose sender I am making anonymous, and in it I was asked “who are you and what makes you think Team Four Star needs to pander to tumblr gender politics.”

Well, sender, the truth is, I am but a humble critic, and my personal reasons for wanting to see proper representation of gender nonconforming folk is not a sufficient reason for them to want to do better (well, it kinda is, but I’ll get to that). There is, however, a sufficiently compelling reason for them to do so, and that reason is respect.

By acknowledging criticism of their representation and working to better it in the future, Team Four Star shows that they have respect for their viewers that they may have misrepresented, and for the actual experiences that they must go through every day. “Tumblr gender politics” in general is based upon this same notion, and through efforts to raise awareness about what these people’s experiences are, they imply the need for respect of their person, and show the harm of disrespecting someone’s identity.

The next question you might ask, then, is why I personally care so much about this notion of respect, and specifically how it relates to the treatment of trans and gender nonconforming women. And the answer, reader, is pretty damn simple: I’m a trans woman.

[poppletonink]

BOOK REVIEW: Ellie Pillai Is Brown - Christine Pillainayagam

★★★★★ - 5 stars

"'Won't you love me?' she cried out to the Man in the Yellow Mac."

Ellie Pillai is just a teenage girl, and as far as she can tell she's a bit weird - applying eyeliner properly is virtually impossible for her, and she doesn't understand how to be cool. Not to mention the fact she hears songs and sees dancing 60s girl groups inside her head - music is her escape from her everyday life, and from what she can tell, that's weird. But not only does she feel weird, most of the time she feels invisible, except from this year - the year she's going into Year 11. She can't tell if it's the new boy at school, Ash, who likes the same music as her and makes her smile like her face is literally going to explode into sunbeams. She can't tell if it's the new drama teacher, who finally sees her potential and makes her realise that she isn't as bad at drama as she thought. She can't tell if it's the lie she told her parents over a year ago, the one that is a ticking time bomb at the back of her mind with everything she does. But no matter what, maybe this year, Ellie Pillai won't be as invisible as she was before.

Ellie Pillai Is Brown is quite frankly my new favourite book. Everyone needs this book in their life - a coming of age story written like a rom-com with key themes of music and identity? What's not to like? This book explores identity (in numerous ways including, but not limited to, race and sexuality), and romance, and how we are all just people, amd even how life can be so wonderful even when everything falls apart.

Ellie is a character who I relate to in a way that I didn't even realize was possible. A girl who doesn't know how to be herself, and over the course of the book she realises how important it is to be just that - herself - and that weird isn't such a bad thing after all - "Weird is good. I like weird". I love how she escapes from the world through music, and I felt a sense of recognition with her love of The Beatles mirroring my own. The fact that she loves English, Drama and Music but hates Maths was most definitely relatable, and I laughed out loud when she said, "I hope that maths will never end, which is a feeling I’ve had exactly never in my life before". I guess the point that I'm trying to make is that Ellie is an amazing character: she's a witty, music loving, dramatic teenage girl trying to build up her confidence; she's actually an accurate depiction of a teenager, which is nice to see, even if rarely across the world of literature.

Putting a brilliant, but unconventional twist on the YA genre, Ellie Pillai is Brown has an album available on any streaming platform that links into the story. For me, within this album I found two new all time favourite songs: Give Me A Minute and Earphones (I also love No Fairytale and Young a lot but the other two really stuck out me, even upon my first listen to the album). But as a whole, the album can only be described as absolutely amazing, with songs that link to the storyline and have the amazing vocals of Christine Pillainayagam (who also happens to be the author of the book). Each song is meant to be played when it appears within the book, and the immersive experience that the reader has as a result is outstanding.

Did I originally pick up this book because I thought the cover was pretty and that the yellow background, pink metallic writing and the pretty doodles down the side were calling me from across the room of a local book shop? Yes. Did I fall in love with everything about this book slowly and all at once? Also, yes. Am I convinced that this book is mortifyingly underrated? Most definitely.

This book is everything I didn't know I needed to hear. It changed my life and it came to me at a time I didn't realise I needed it, when in reality it was the time I needed it the most. It made me laugh out loud, and cry, and smile. I couldn't put it down, and I can guarantee you will feel the same way.

[grumpyneko]

#1: Whirlwind

It's been a while since I wrote something in here. Wanted to document stuff here so the future me could look back at something.

Life had been so quick lately and I have been extremely busy and sort of overworked in a sense that it is also actually my fault.

Long story short: I have graduated from my undergrad, currently reviewing for the licensure exam (which, at this point of my life, idk if I can actually take), and is starting med school literally in 3 days.

It's kinda insane to think about how stagnant my life had become back during the height of the pandemic and then I've been extremely busy. Looking back, God truly had the best timing in life.

I took a 6-month break from studying and I was privileged enough to be able to do that. I realized I wasn't learning anything at all with the online setup, worry about the pandemic, and just the overall changes in environment - a quick talk to my parents have made me decide that they are willing to let me rest for a while. During that period, I've always pondered about how stagnant and slow my life had become. It had been some sort of baggage in me. Seeing peers graduate and achieve success, whereas I'm still in the middle of the battlefield. I was at home, feeling alone and left out. It was a double-edge sword. I was able to rest but I was also k*lling myself with defeating discouragement. It was prolly one of my bravest decision.

While I do not regret that decision, I always think of "what could haves." What could have happened if I didn't pause? What could have happened if I did things differently? It was futile!

When 2022 came in, I was willing to do everything I could, determine to finish this program and to race towards my dreams. And that's when the perfect timing came in, I was given the opportunity to practice clinical internship on actual hospital, was given opportunity to learn outside the computer screen again. And for me, that was all what I desired at that moment. Albeit, I had to sacrifice many things to move to the province to be able to do this. I had to do my very best since everyone was counting on me.

Stopping by one semester means I have to wait. The waiting game was killing me. I finished the program. Med school doesn't start until the middle of the year. I had nothing left to do. I wasn't planning on taking the licensure exam, just letting life takes its course. A random one day in the 3rd month of the year, I had a conversation with a friend where she asked me whether I'll be taking the board exam. The lingering feelings I had after that conversation had me thinking that maybe I really do have a desire to have a license on my undergrad course. I busted my ass out and quickly prepared all the materials and papers needed for the licensure exam, as well as my med school application. I was able to enroll on April, but review would only start at June. That gave me two months to actually properly review for the exams.

In between leisures and entertainment, June quickly came in and I had virtually zero rest since then. Classes are daily. We had to cram 4-year worth of study materials in 1 month so we could focus the other remaining one month for reinforcement. It was physically taxing and mentally draining. And I'm surprise that I had zero mental breakdown since review started. My sensitive teenage self would be so proud of what I have become.

And after a long waiting game, we finally had our graduation ceremony. I wasn't excited about it if I were to be honest. It kind of feels like I have many things on my plate right now. But just this afternoon, I had a self-reflection and realized just how thankful I am that I have come this far.

Med school is starting in Monday. Board exam is in two weeks. Everything is happening so fast now. I am scared, and anxious but the excitement overpowers anything. There's a certain optimism living in me. Idk if it's just the bliss of innocence left in me or if it's my blind faith to something unseen. I may or may not receive a good news next month, but If I have learned anything for the past years is that the fact that there's always a perfect timing for everything. I'll be ready for it when it comes to me.

Signed: July 28, 2023, 12:16 A.M.

[the-thieves-gambit]

Reaching out towards Lena, she placed a gentle hand on her arm. "I can't say that everything is okay because I've never been a parent. What I do know is that she has amazing parents and wonderful family.

Nodding, agreeing with her that these times were indeed exciting. Thinking about where she and her best friend were in their lives when they met, to where their lives were now made her smile. Life had surprised them both and now look at them. Him, married and happily awaiting a new child, and here she was shopping with her boyfriends sister in law. Who were they?!

"Peach cobbler does sound delicious. I'm not a fan of very sweet things either. I feel like there's a difference between making something taste good and flavorful or drowning it in sugar hoping it just tastes good. So I'm trusting your judgement. " Something she learned when she and Orion would bake and the videos they followed called for more than enough sugar, especially fruit-flavored things. Anything too sweet just was not something she enjoyed, it drowned whatever you were supposed to taste.

The more she began to open up and talk to everyone, she began to see the signs that he had more than just liked her all along. This was one of them. She had never thought of him as being overprotective about who took care of Dolly, especially not since the woman and the dog seemed to like each other since meeting each other. "I didn't know that but yeah." She really was dumb or blind, whichever it was she really ignored a lot of things that she should've picked up. "No, I actually didn't care if he liked me then. When I came over I was asking his help about a case and didn't know about Dolly. I just took a liking to her and asked about her before asking him to review my case. It really took him three weeks to let you guys dog-sit?" She hoped Lena had been exaggerating.

For a moment she regretted having been so open but as she sat down next to her and listened, she realized she couldn't have opened up to anyone better. "Yeah," she let a breath out with a small chuckle. "It's a bit strange, I just hear how long some you all have known each other, how everyone seemed to have their person since the beginning or known them at least, and I guess it just makes me worry that we're wrong about this sometimes. I didn't have the best people to look up to in my life or any relationships except my best friend and for him, he just knew the moment they met. It all just makes me feel like I don't know what I'm doing. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one that feels, or felt, that way."

Shaking her head no when Lena asked, which was honest, she still didn't understand most days why anyone liked her in any way shape, or form. She laughed at the thought of Annie telling people to like her, and then a genuine thankful smile came to her face as Lena said she'd be there for her. "Thank you." Was all she could seem to say, unable to properly convey how much this, she, meant to her. "And I'm here for you too, I know it's not much since I'm the newest but if you need anything I'm there for you."

Taking a deep breath and it out, she nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. Thanks.." This talk really made her feel a lot better about everything. "I'm actually really looking forward to the festival now. But lets go get some of this ice cream you've been hyping up before we continue shopping, my treat."

"I'm sure you won't." That kid had her mother's heart. "Well maybe except if you kill her uncle. Then I don't know if there's any coming back from that." A light joke to level out the atmosphere. With all his near misses, those jokes still carried weight. "Especially someone like her. She is emotionally incredibly mature. Which scares me sometimes."

Lena beamed and nodded. "If they need anything please let them know I'm available to help. That reasting period is so fun. I miss it sometimes. Not that I was ever you know , nesting. That was my wife. But anyway, exciting times."

"It is extremely decadent. But on a hot day which is always around here, it's good." She smiled as her bright blue eyes shined. "We shall get that on our way to the next store then. It's really random as far as flavors go honestly. But something I don't hate. I'm less into sugary sweet so this one is perfect. Tastes a bit like peach cobbler."

"He let you take Dolly? Oh my gosh. He really did like you." The laugh couldn't be helped. "He's anal about who takes care of his dog. It took us three weeks for him to finally let us dogsit and stay at his place. So, see when you talked about Dolly. Did you feel pressure to be liked? Or did you just lead with the conversation?"

Lena gestured for her to leave the items on the counter, one glance to the cashier and she knew to save them. Then walked her to the corner bench of the store. Something she was grateful for. Patting the seat next to her she scooted over and smiled softly as she let the other continue. "You know, it's okay to feel like you're a fish out of water. Relationships are," she tried to come up with the appropriate word for them. "Complicated. Different. Not one size fits all. At their best they're messy and at their worst they're devastating." She let out a sigh as she moved her feet side to side. "No one is going to hold that over you. This being your first real one. I mean, everyone is a beginner at some point in life. I think you're inadvertently putting too much pressure on yourself. Are you comparing relationships to where you should be? I'll be the first to tell you that's the worst thing to do to yourself. It adds another weight to you. One you do not need. I was the last one to get into a relationship. My brothers and even my parents met at the ages of four. It was an immense pressure to feel like I wasn't where I was supposed to be because they were all already set. It wasn't good for my self esteem either."

"Take it one step at a time." If she knew Wally and she did. He wouldn't throw Liz into meeting everyone at once. "You've met half of the kids. That didn't turn out so scary after you met them right? If you want it to go slow I think we both that you'd be given grace. No one is an expert at this. Believe it or not we all fuck up even in established ones. You just need to be patient with yourself and remind yourself no one truly fits in. We just find the people that let us be perfectly imperfect puzzle pieces work in progresses." Lena made sure to lean forward a little to look at her. "You know why I like you? It's not because my daughter tells me about you. It's because you're real. You're not afraid to admit when things are overwhelming. Admitting your own feelings is the first step in letting people see who you are. I wouldn't say this if I couldn't vouch for my own family but, we aren't as scary as we look from the outside." Each family set had a troubled past, something that made them tainted one way or another by other people. "If you're not ready. There's never any pressure to meet everyone. If you need someone to tell your inner secrets to. I'm your gal. I promise I'll be a friend to you."

"Don't be sorry for being honest. That's what I'm here for. I think being the oldest in my family prepared me to be helpful in any situation. You can always come to me for whatever, if telling Wally isn't as easy." Everyone needed that person that wasn't their person to come to.

"I'm ready to move to the next store. But first I want to make sure that you're okay. We can sit for a bit longer and talk it out."

[tomorobo-illust]

This may be a bit late, but I couldn't articulate my thoughts properly before. I wanted to tell you how good the page before last was, the one involving Ingo.

Up to that point the comic was a roller coaster of emotion as we watched Emmet, Zora, and Auntie Xena struggle to escape the caves and deal with starvation, sickness, and injury, ultimately leading Emmet to commit to sacrificing his own arm to feed the others. Once the climax was reached, things jumped all over the place, but I actually like how you did it. Instead of lingering to see the horrible aftermath, you cut ahead to when Zora finally broke through to the outside, showing us not only that she got better and survived, but also her obvious grief at what happened and her desperation to get help. You showed help arriving and Emmet being carried out by Xena, still alive for any who might have thought he died if they were only following the comic parts. Then you showed a brief flashback to the aftermath of the amputation, giving a clear explanation for why he did it in case it wasn't obvious to everyone.

Then after that double decker baconzilla of an angst burger, you cut to something completely different with Akari/Dawn talking to Rei/Lucas about what happened to Ingo, showing that Ingo felt his twin's pain throughout the whole ordeal. By showing/telling us that Ingo also came down with a fever and was bedridden for those few weeks, only to suddenly start doing much better after dreaming of eating a giant egg, we know that that must be the journey Emmet took after his amputation and subsequent rescue. Despite that, Ingo in still mentioned to be recovering, so we know that Emmet also still had some recovering to do from his injuries.

I love that you chose Ingo as a way to give this information, as not only does it indirectly tell us what's happened with Emmet, but it also cleverly brings Ingo into the narrative. We get to see what he's up to, how this affects him, and even at what point in the story it is compared to the game, since he knows the player character. You even managed to throw in a bit of humor, giving a moment of brevity from the heart racing events from before.

You could have stretched these pages out much more and focused on the carnage, but you sped it along and gave us only as much information as we needed about the big thing that happened, while weaving in some worldbuilding and character introductions. All in all, I think it was a FANTASTIC bit of storytelling.

BRAVO!XD

HOLY FROOT LOOPS!!! I am stunned and speechless and crying at this review you sent and I was not expecting such a detailed analysis of the Chapter 2 comic ;A;

THANK YOU!! I loved reading this and how you've articulated the story beats and story telling--even bits I didn't even realize what I did but just felt right pacing wise and you explained it so well in a way I wouldn't have been able to <3 <3

BLESS you so much for taking the time to write such a lovely review and for reading the comic!! Seeing this, I can feel how much you enjoyed it and that means so much!!! Please have this as thanks from me to you~

[17sasuke]

thoughts on badhaai do

it definitely wasn't a perfect movie and the story was too obviously led by cishets but i loved how it didn't end w everyone's acceptance. sumi's mom wasn't even present during the pooja at the end but it didn't matter bc they had what was important to them. freedom, a child and their own acceptance. and that of sumi and rimjhim under the pride flag? i owe them my life for it. if i'm reviewing this objectively its 7/10 but i'm attached to the characters this is now one of my comfort films so for introducing sumi, rimjhim, guru and shardul's mom to me i'm giving this one a ten. (also for the pride scene. cinematography.)

spoilers under the cut

what i didn't like: it does drag in between while some other plotlines are never properly explored (i honestly didn't feel like they focused enough on sumi and shardul's relationship although it was supposed to be the backbone of the film). the kabir plotline should have been completely deleted actually and instead focused more on shardul's misogyny and his relationship w sumi.

the entire kabir plotline was so bad tbh. one, the age gap was a questionable (they'd been together 3 years already so). two, wow were they gonna write that domestic violence off bc they were both men?? bc shardul should have gone to jail for that wtf?? three, it wasn't even ever resolved. if they were carry it in this direction anyway there should have been a scene where they sat down and talked but?? four, the domestic violence thing. you can't raise ur hand on ur lover and it looks so much worse bc shardul's around 8-10 years older than him he's dating a college student and when he realizes the dude's bored of him and lying to him he hits him and then says sorry stfu and go to jail.

also there's many times thru out where i really felt like this story was made largely by cishets. the romances really suffered from the heterofication of gay love bc a) the violence thing w shardul and b) when sumi and rimjhim fought and said callous things to each other but never talked about it, apologized or even addressed the root of the issue (rimjhim's jealousy. u can argue that it'd be futile to bring it up since everyone knows suman's gay but it doesn't hurt to write a scene where a girl placates her gf's insecurities.)

basically. heterofication. like they had to show gay romances were like toxic cishet ones to make the audience more accepting or smth i literally dk but i hated it.

oh and the biphobia. did they have to shove that on rimjhim's character. like ik gay ppl can be v biphobic but if ur not going to address that as an issue that needs to be changed then don't bring it up at all.

lastly, shardul's misogyny. tbh i loved that they brought it up bc really cis gay men can be so fucking nasty and misogynist and its almost never talked about bc apparently gay men are more understanding of women (suman even exclaims this once!). it was done well and used as a comedic device which did give way to some good jokes but in the end we never see him grow out of it, realize he was wrong or apologize to suman. from the one year skip its obv it was resolved he isn't a dick anymore (bc shardul's misogyny came from his need to hide his sexuality behind the alpha male façade) but instead of wasting time on the kabir plot i wish they'd instead explored this deeper and concluded this plotline onscreen.

what i liked:

everything else. i loved every lgbt character (except kabir bc idk what to think about him and shardul bc he's on thin fucking ice), shardul's mother and suman's dad. also loved naaznin. if only we got to see more of her.

i teared up so much by the end esp during suman's conversation w her father and when shardul's mom hugged him. but its when her father tells rimjhim to sit beside sumi that i genuinely broke down. everything else was like sumi herself said: u expected this much from them. u imagine that soming out scene so much when they say those exact words that lock u up w terror, u feel like u've already heard it before. her father was the only one she had hope in, her father was the only person she had any expectations for. he too let her down thou, he too broke her heart. but he got over it, he made up for it. he didn't only accept her, he accepted her gf too, as sumi's partner, as the mother to sumi's child. he told her to sit next to his daughter and sobbed so hard like i'm never going to have that so its soothing to see a fictional character get that.

and shardul's mom oh god i adore her. she shouldn't have outed suman ever but i can't bring myself to think of her as a bad person for that. bc when it came to her own son? she accepted him the minute he said he was gay. she gave him what sumi wanted from her father, what she begged her father for. not understanding not even kindness just acceptance. and that's true love yk that's what parental love should be like. u don't need to understand ur kids u should be accepting them no matter what. i do think the reason she outed suman had less to do w her being gay and more w her thinking suman cheated on her son thou. this is like the only time i've forgiven an outing wow this movie really did that.

anyway the whole kabir sequence was unnecessary and only made me hate shardul more. cis gay men Are misogynist and i like that they addressed that but it wasn't properly resolved onscreen and that combined w kabir made shardul such a despicable character. if i delete that thou then i adore him misogyny and all. i was so proud of him in the end. when he came out in anger hearing his family insulting sumi (inadvertently insulting him), when he wore the mask during pride and when he called his bf over during the pooja. loved his growth thou really instead of the kabir plot i wish they worked more on sumi and shardul i wanted to see them bond more to see them become best friends, each other's ride-or-dies. only good thing that came out of that plotline was that we got sumi-shardul bonding moments. yeah my only gripe w this movie is the kabir plot. all that screentime wasted when they could have focused on other plots like sumi-shardul, shardul/guru or more of sumi/rimjhim. or the resolution of his misogyny.

omg guru. i loved that guy so much loved every scene w him in it he really saved the movie by fixing the male lead thank god. (those scenes of him flirting w shardul. the business card and the secret hand holding omg.)

my favorite thing obv was sumi and rimjhim. there was smth so accurate about lesbians moving in immediately and then discussing children within weeks of dating. their romance arc their relationship the way they're moms!! (they're MOMS!!) all of it was such a delight to watch. it felt so good to watch a wlw romance in a bollywood movie i could watch them for hours i wish they got a full length feature film like all that chemistry, their acting, their story, it feels inadequate watching it all squeezed into the movie as a parallel plot. (wish we saw them getting married. just a marriage scene is that too much to ask for.)

[stiles-hoodie]

HSMTMTS REWATCH - TAKE TWO 1x8 The Tech Rehearsal

Episode 7

Ricky vs Bowen Count: Ricky [5] Bowen []

This Episode: None

Ribbon Count: [1]

This Episode: 1 (Nini)

When Miss. Jenn said hug your neighbour Ricky's first instinct was to try messaging Gina again. We see he's try messaging her a few times. I would like to point out that Gina abruptly leaving probably reminds him of his mom doing the same thing. He called his mom last episode after finding out the Gina is leaving and Gina found it pointless to keep in contact but he's going out of his way to make sure that they do.

Kourtney's reaction even if storyline was planned at the time or not does show her anxiety already.

EJ grabbing the audition file to figure out why didn't get Troy makes sense for him as a person. Up until this point he's had the leads, he's let go of wanting the part at this point, but he still wants to know why he didn't get in the first place. He wants to know what he could've done better. In the beginning he kept acting and wanting to come across as this perfect person and finally admitted he wasn't, he came clean about a lot of stuff, but ultimately knew some things were just him being himself and apologizing helps, but in the end I think him getting cancelled made him realize he can't just apologize he actually needs to do better, he can't just keep apologizing if he is just going to keep doing it (he figured this out a lot quicker then a lot of influencers lets be real). So not only him finding out about the audition notes make him overall very curious to know, but also he had a completely different motivation to wanting to know at this point. He finds out what he did wrong and tries his best to show he can do it, only for him to not fully know actually how to do it. Which makes sense somethings do take longer then a couple minutes and emotions are very much one of them and out of everyone EJ is the worse with emotion.

Another reason Ricky and EJ are kindof a mirror they're both bad with emotions for completely opposite reasons. Ricky pretty much has to much of them for him to handle himself sometimes and it makes him panick, while EJ has a hard time properly expressing his and never really lets his guard down to do that. In the end though they both have a hard time saying what they feel because, they either have to much feelings to put into words (Ricky) or because he's never really let himself feel them at all (EJ). Which could tie into how EJ was raised once again to be this picture perfect person from his father. Whats the worse thing that can show your not perfect, being emotional.

As soon as we get to everyone on stage EJ is immediately watching Ricky and Miss. Jenn talking to each other and there is no jealousy there at all it's all insecurity. He's completely comparing himself to Ricky here. So when he was actually given the chance to fill in for him he took it and tried his best to come across as he was emotionally connect, but since he wasn't emotionally connected it was clear to be an act and he overcompensated again.

EJ's high pitch scream when seeing the mannequins. I never realized that was EJ until now.

I honestly I can't watch this scene sometimes I feel the embarrassment for EJ lol I'm powering through it and I'm happy I did because when Carlos says "This is a tech rehearsal and I'm your choreographer you can see the EJ actually have a small vulnerable moment and the insecurity is coming back. EJ actually is vulnerable here a bit. He's feelings insecure and Carlos and Miss. Jenn's reaction probably made him feel worse. He thought he could actually do this and wanted to show that he could. Or he wanted to do this so he can get better, but either way it's actually a lot harder then he thought it would be. Him starting to feel actual insecurity and a little vulnerable here makes him overcompensate even more. He wants to be emotionally connected to the script, but doesn't want his actual emotions to show

I'm pretty sure I talked about the scene with Ricky and Nini in my last review

It is canon that Ricky had a small speech problem, I wish that was an actual storyline or something we learned more about from his past at least

Ricky was excited about Nini signing up for YAC and it faltered a little bit when she mentioned Denver. At this point his mom has officially moved away, Gina is about to as well, and now Nini was thinking about it too. Three people women/girls in his life he felt comfortable and safe around all seem to be leaving. He still encourages her talent though.

So her real name is Jennifer

The Role Of A Lifetime is such a fun song they both sound so good I think it's underrated. Miss. Jenns song in general are underrated.

They've been foreshadowing Frozen since season 1 (and beauty and the beast of course)

"I'm the teacher." - Miss. Jenn

[jooniens]

October 2022 TBR

Hello reader babes!

Despite what the weather tries to tell me, it is full on fall. My house is full of pumpkin spice scent and my closet has been restocked of my favorite, cozy sweaters.

I'm super excited for October and like any other normal person, I save all of my horror/thriller books for this season. To be honest, after reading the chunky book that was The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson I have felt a bit of reading slump coming on and while I am ahead of my reading goal, I don't want to start falling behind.

No more rambling, let's get into my reading plans this coming month.

Hide by Kiersten White

When I first saw this book I was immediately intrigued because it reminded me of a book that I read as a child called Closed for the Season by Mary Downing Hahn. I love the concept of a spooky, haunted amusement park. I have seen quite a few mixed reviews but when it comes to thriller/horror books I am easily entertained.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab

According to Goodreads, I read this some July 2-3 years ago but I don't think I actually finished it (I didn't realize how to properly shelf things at the time). But now that I have more understanding of fantasy under my belt and more of a grip on V.E. Schwab's writing style I think I will be able to actually enjoy the story this time around.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

I remember when this book first came out and everyone was losing it. Yet, a couple of years later I hardly hear anyone talk about it. I know that with the release of the Shadow and Bone series on Netflix that any of Bardugo's work has taken the back burner while the Grishaverse runs its course on booktok. I don't know much about this book other than it contains a murder mystery (I think). It all seems very dark academia and I love it.

The Troop by Nick Cutter

I've seen this book pop up multiple times in the vlogs that I have seen from the booktubers that I like and honestly their reactions are enough to have me interested in the book. Small confession; One of my biggest fears is parasites. I hate them all and they all creep me out so it makes sense that this book would rightfully terrify me. I'm going to try and brave through it and hopefully I'm not a wimp and it will make it's way onto my October Wrap-Up.

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong

I absolutely adore Chloe Gong as a person so it is a mystery as to why I haven't read this yet. I have started this multiple times and each time I have been intrigued especially with the beginning scenes and the idea of a scary monster terrorizing 1920's Shanghai? Wonderful and it sounds so spooky and a perfect autumn read.

While this isn't a concise list of all of the things that I want to read in October I think it really provides a snippet of what my reading mood is for this month. Hopefully this new schedule will work for all of you lovely readers and I'm working on bring you guys more content . Side Note: I'm working on getting a YouTube Channel set up so that I can hopefully reach a wider audience and bring more bookish content into this world.

Anyways, I'll check in with you guys on my Mid-Month reading check in and I hope you are all enjoying your fall reading.

Much Love,

June <3

[samshogwarts]

My review of 2020

Or: I say thank you.

First of all, sorry for the long post 😅. You guys know I don'tike long posts without a "read more under the line". But I nade the post with my mobile phone.... Aaaaaaaanyway. Also sorry for all the tags. I hope I don't annoyed someone with it <~<. So let's continue:

I think this year has been a particularly difficult year for everyone. As 2020 is drawing to a close, I mentally let the year pass again.

The bottom line is that I have to say that 2020 was turbulent for me, but not necessarily bad. Much good, but also bad, has happened. And I want to start with the bad things right away.

At the beginning of the year, my depression and eating disorder relapsed. I've always had trouble talking about it because I know my friends can't handle this issue. I felt pressured because they wanted to do things with me, but I couldn't. So I withdrew completely, hiding my emotions and wearing a mask.

At that time I created this blog. At first I didn't want to create my own content, just follow the content of @ladycibia, @hogwartsmystory and @kyril-hphm. Incidentally, that is also the reason why I call these 3 blogs the Big Three. So it's their fault that I'm here. Lol.

And then the first Hyops message came at the end of March. A very good friend of mine got Corvid-19 and lost the battle against the disease a few days later. I still remember how the news pulled the floor from under my feet. It feels like I completely lost faith in everything and I started to realize how dangerous this year could be. 

But life goes on and so I visited a friend and her family in early July. It was the anniversary of her husband's death, who was also a very good friend of mine. He died of cancer last year and I couldn't go to his funeral. So I wanted to stop by on the day he died. I actually thought I could do it. But when you read a friend's name on a tombstone for the first time.. Guys, that's a punch in the stomach like no other and I can't really describe how it feels. I had made up my mind not to cry in front of his wife or children because it was hard enough for them. Didn't work.

And of course this year meant to go one better.

Another friend of mine died of the virus in mid-August, leaving behind a wife and a child. Again, I was unable to attend the funeral. And to be honest, it still bothers me way more I want to admit. In two years I lost three wonderful people who meant a lot to me and I couldn't say goodbye to any of them. When I see the three of them again after my death, you can be sure I'll kick their butts for it.

But August was the worst month for me in many ways. In addition to the death of my buddy, my father's family also volunteered. And that means only one thing - trouble.  And properly. I haven't had contact with this family for over 12 years for good reason. Now one person from this family has passed away. And first of all, I don't really care if anyone of them would die. I don't even know the person who passed away. But I wasn't told either by my grandmother or my father. So my deadline to cancel the inheritance has expired. Of course it was debts. You have to know that the inheritance rights of my country are very complicated. The reason my father or grandmother didn't tell me about it was because they didn't want to bother with the paperwork. They always had the opportunity to contact me via Facebook or my half-sister. But that would mean work for them. And while I was walking from lawyer to lawyer to court to court, I was allowed to hear sayings from my grandmother that I apparently have achieved nothing in my life. Nice to know that some people never change. I'm still struggling with this matter to this day and will probably not be able to fully clarify this until the beginning of 2021.

At the end of October everything seemed to be taking its revenge and I passed out at a friend's house. Nobody knows exactly what happened until today, but my friend took me to the hospital where I had to stay one night. That was Halloween. And I'm such a big fan of hospitals hahahaha hahahaha. After that I was allowed to wear an ECG for 2 weeks and it turned out that my heart values ​​had deteriorated. Why not. Let's just take everything with us this year!

Rounding out the negatives this year was my (as a teenager) best friend's suicide. I have to say that I haven't had any contact with this person for 9 years. However, it is the one who cut herself in her youth and then called me afterwards because she didn't know what to do. It was also the one I tried to get into therapy for 2 years. But her mother was always against it. And it was exactly this mother who was standing in my mother's shop, telling her about her daughter's suicide and that I was probably in the farewell letter. I don't know exactly what it said, but the mother now blames me for her daughter's suicide. And do you know what's craziest about the whole thing? I agreed with her! I really thought it was my fault because I knew how sick my former friend was. Yet I was the one who ended the friendship (for many reasons that had nothing to do with her depression). And I still wonder what would have happened if I had acted differently.

But enough of the negative things! A lot of nice things happened this year too. Among other things, I have found a new job within my group, earn more money and have pleasant working hours. I've renovated my apartment and I've started saving money on a new one. My two nieces are now going to school and I am a proud aunt. My male best friend and his girlfriend (my best harry potter friend) are pregnant and are expecting their first child soon and my mother's health is better.

But one of the best things that happened to me this year is this blog.

I already mentioned that I actually only created this blog to stalk the Big Three. I didn't want my own content at all. But I discovered more and more blogs and these incredibly great MCs that I thought I wanted to do whole too. And so Samantha O'Connell was born.

I received so much great support and encouragement on this platform. I don't think many people even realize how much that means to me. Especially this year.

I have also found great and lovable people here, some of whom I also call my friends. Even if we come from other countries, speak other languages ​​and may never see each other in real life, you are my friends and I am grateful to know you.

@annabelle-tanaka-official : I'll start with you of course! XD on tumblr you are just my best friend. I don't write as much with anyone as I do with you. You are such an incredibly talented person and so warm hearted! Over the year we have invented so many insiders that soon nobody will know what we mean.  Be it the monster hug, or that my cats are your spies or our many RP scenarios, which I really enjoy and which always make me laugh. I thank you for that!! I love you so much and I am so glad that we are friends! *minster hug*

@lunasilvermorny / @lunasilvermore : you are next to you !!! XD the next person I write to almost every day. What started with a little conversation about among us has turned into a friendship. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to streaming with you next year (and this year)!!! You are such a good listener that strengthens me. Your support is so nice of you too! Just the fact that you have subscribed to my YouTube channel xD (because of the language I even have an idea). I'm looking forward to the next year with you! Thank you so much for dealing with my craziness and still likes me! 

@kyril-hphm : muahahahaha. You can't escape me !!! Yes, what should I say? One of my big three even made friends with me. One of my Senpais noticed me! And then it's a lovely fluffy marshmallow! I still think it's funny  that we have such similar circuits and hearts! Nevertheless you are an incredibly honest, loving and talented person. I've never told you before, but sometimes I stare (for 20 minutes +) at your drawings to improve my style (just not working so far). You are an honest person and I am happy every time we talk, or when you react to my content. I would like to say thank you for that too! You are great and you can trust yourself more.

@carewyncromwell : my Chinese fireball, my Disney princess. Yes, for me you exude the aura of a Disney princess and nothing can change my mind. So! You were one of the first friends I made here on tumblr and one of the first to write with me! I still remember how proud and nervous I was back then! Just when I was in the hospital on Halloween and couldn't sleep that night, you kept texting me and distracting me from my fear. That means a lot to me. You are such a creative and lovable person too. Ah, that's just amazing. Your comments or hashtags always make me grin or laugh. Thank you for all your support and help!

@catohphm : my fluffier Ravenclaw brother!!! Of course you can't be missing either. I also write with you almost every day and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your kind words and your support. I just love the energy between Samantha and Cato. And it's always fun to write RP with you!  Thank you for being such a lovely and kind person!

@mira-shard : MIRAAAAAAA! It's kind of funny how long we've basically walked next to each other without talking to each other. And now I don't want to miss you anymore! You are such a fun and happy person. Writing with you is just fun! I also love your cosplay photos. Someday I'll come to visit you, and then we'll do cosplay shootings together until the camera bleeds! I would also like to thank you for your support and your kindness. 

@sirfluffig : ha. I hope you didn't think you were escaping me! Where should I start with you? Maybe that you were one of the first to give me such lovely feedback on Samantha? Or this super funny stream and that you helped me to stream in English? Or just like that, when we talk about our MCs or pen and paper. It's definitely always fun. I want to thank you for that and I'm looking forward to playing together again soon (get Among us)

@nightrhea-hphm : * run into you in slowmotion * Night! My wonderful supportive Gremlin! I've grown very fond of them over the years. And your support and feedback are just amazing. I also love the friendship between Night and Samantha. I think it's very similar to ours, right? You are also such an incredibly creative and lovable person. You make you feel like it's ok to be who you are. Thank you!

Of course there are many, many more like @rosievixen, @wangxianforever000 , @mollydarling-hphm , @morningstarinwinter , @hogwarts9, @hphm-brooke , @raymondhope-writer , @nikyiscreepy , @immagrosscandy , @mizutoyama , @ariparri-hphm and many many more.

I want to thank you all for your encouragement, support and feedback. You are the reasons why I am adding more and more details to this blog, why I dared to start with the fan comic and many more. 

It's still so amazing for me to meet so many talented, creative, kind and funny people. 

This year showed me again that life isn't just black or white. Life is Grey. Good things and bad things happen. Sometimes one side more than the other side. But as long we are taking the next step, life wl continues. Just keep in mind, as like you support me, I want to support you. So if you ever wanna talk, no matter what, remember you guys can always contact me. 

I'm really looking forward to next year and already have so many plans. I can not wait any longer. Enjoy the last days of the year, stay safe and most important: they the way you are guys! 

Love you all so much. 

[gravihtyk]

What happened to my April 2020 Goals: My First Steps to Gaining Weight + My Goals for May 2020

For the month of April, I set three goals for myself:

1. To wake up in the morning each day.

My body clock has been pretty messed up since last year. I've always been a night owl, so when I was reviewing for SOA exam P, I got used to studying all through out the night and going to bed when the sun is almost up. I usually woke up at around 2 in the afternoon. I got enough of sleep and I got enough work done at night, but I missed pretty much most of the day and I felt like my days were going too fast. Last March, in the midst of quarantine and having no classes, I felt worse about my sleeping schedule. I thought waking up super late in the day made me unproductive and still left me feeling like I had no energy. I also felt like I was always running late especially when I had to meet a professor at school or needed to go to the bank. It also made me miss breakfast and lunch and even with that, I woke up not feeling hungry at all. I felt like I was losing weight again and I dreaded it. So I made myself wake up in the morning all through out April, still not early in the morning but at least before noontime, so I can do (and eat) more during the day.

2. To eat breakfast everyday.

As I've already mentioned, I kept skipping my breakfast because of my bad sleeping schedule before April. I know that breakfast literally means breaking your fast from sleeping, so any meal you eat after you wake up from a long sleep is your breakfast. But in March, I would wake up not feeling hungry at all so I didn't eat anything immediately and sometimes I didn't notice the time, it would already be dinnertime for my family and that's only when I would remember to eat. I was like doing intermitent fasting without even trying. I didn't get to eat 3 meals a day at all. I only ate twice and sometimes once a day, and it left me feeling so weak, all I wanted was to lay in bed all day. I often got headaches as well. So when April came, I told myself that I need to fix this problem if I wanted to gain weight. I have to eat after I wake up in the morning, fill my stomach with something and be energized for the day.

3. Eat 3 meals a day.

I realized that one reason why I did not feel hungry even when I missed meals was because I had no appetite. Even when I ate, even when the food used to be my favorite, even when it was so tasty, I could only eat a small amount. I told myself, this can't be. I have to eat a lot to gain weight. It had been like this for a long time now. I didn't get hungry after I woke up, I didn't get hungry when it was the usual time for a meal like during lunchtime. And I realized that it was because I wasn't always eating my meals on time and I kept missing meals. I did a lot of searches related to appetite on Google and Youtube and in every article or video that I read or watched, it was recommended to eat on a schedule so that your body gets used to it that when the time comes when you usually have a meal, you will feel hungry and you will have the appetite to eat. So I thought, I have to eat my breakfast, lunch and dinner on the usual times that most people eat them. But since I only made it a goal to wake up anytime before noon, I was content with setting around noon time as my breakfast time, anytime before evening as my lunch time and evening as my dinner time. I also only made myself eat 3 main meals even when it's usually recommended to eat more often throughout the day for weight gain (I eat some snacks too, I made myself a meal plan which I'll share to you soon!), because I thought that I might not be able to eat 4-5 meals a day since I was still used to eating twice a day, I might not be able to reach that goal. So I set a reasonable and achievable goal for myself.

The month had come to an end, it's actually already May 1st when I'm writing this, and I'm glad to say that I'd been pretty much consistent in working on my goals. I tracked my progress using the Habit app on my phone.

As you can see, I only really started getting consistent on April 12, because that was when I started my meal plan and I told myself that to be able to stick with my meal plan and eat everything in it, I had to wake up early to be able to eat my 3 meals, which were basically already my goals. I didn't do them every single day (some days I forgot to track them too 😅) but I'm already happy that I did them on MOST days. I also hadn't been waking as early as I wanted to. Although I didn't make it a goal to wake up early, I set my alarm clock at 9am every single day because to me that was an ideal time to wake up, but I just turn the alarm off and close my eyes again, promise to just get the dryness out of my eyes then I'll get up from my bed but I usually fall back to sleep. 😅 I'd get up right before noontime or when I wake up and it's past 11, I usually turn to my phone and check social media until it's way past noon and I'd only get up when I remember that I have a meal plan to stick to and goals to accomplish. It's been like that the past few days, but for the most days, I was successful in getting up before 10am.

There were days that I wasn't able to eat 3 meals, but note that what I consider my meals are the meals in my meal plan. So if I didn't eat the lunch that's in my meal plan because I got so full from the food that isn't in my meal plan that my mother gave me (like bananacue and boiled potatoes 🤤), then I skipped lunch even when there was an alternative. (Also, if you're Filipino, you know that any meal without rice is not considered a meal. 😂)

I was most successful in eating breakfast each day. There was just a day that I stayed too long in bed after waking up so I didn't consider that I ate my breakfast that day even when I did, a punishment for not getting up immediately. 😅

I'm honestly kind of still disappointed about myself for not doing all these every single day but as I've told myself before, this is enough. I have actually already made it a habit to wake up in the morning and eat my breakfast and I have an appetite and these are all that matters. My end goals are to wake up early and to eat my meals to gain weight, and I'm happy that I know I'm getting there already. I think what hugely contributed to my success is that I set achievable goals for myself. I didn't ask myself to wake up at 7am. I didn't ask myself to eat 6 meals a day. I didn't ask myself to gain these many pounds in a month. I made myself took baby steps instead of long strides that don't last that long because they're just very hard to do when you still have short limbs. I also looked for the root of my problems. I couldn't eat a lot so I couldn't gain weight, but that was because I didn't really have an appetite. I couldn't eat at least 3 meals a day, but that was because I wake up so late. So I worked on my appetite and getting up in the morning.

I've realized many things in the month of April and I'm definitely going to take those lessons with me through the month of May to be able to achieve my new goals.

For the month of May, I want to:

1. Wake up and get up from bed earlier, before 10am.

Having my lunch and dinner almost right after the other keeps my stomach very full and I feel uncomfortable. So I'd have to get up earlier so as to have more time in between my meals for my food to get digested properly.

2. Be more consistent in eating 3 meals a day.

I just hope I have all the foods and ingredients I need for my meal plan all the time. If that doesn't happen often, then I'd have to settle with alternatives, especially to my ulams, but I'll make sure I eat a full cup of rice every lunch and dinner.

3. Workout each day.

I know this might seem excessive but I want to try the 30-day ab workout challenge and see if it really works. Eating more food has me feeling bloated most of the time and I think doing ab workouts helps with that, so I'll try doing it everyday for 10-20 minutes. I'll also be dedicating alternate days for upper body and lower body workouts.

I hope to develop better habits this May and get nearer my goals. I also wish you success in your own journey, whatever that may be. Let's keep working hard and striving for the best for ourselves. 💕

[aimee-does-things]

The Big Easy Decision

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller

The whole world can change in a week. We've seen it happen over and over again in 2020. We started the year with the devastating loss of our cat Soggy. He was a stray who showed up at my doorstep when I moved into my last apartment in mid-2019. He would greet me whenever I got home, rolling over to show his belly. He was always happy, and because of the constant rain in Florida, always wet, thus the name, Soggy. When Hurricane Dorian was on the way, I got worried about the little cat that seemed to live on my front porch. I took him in, bathed him, treated him for fleas, and let him ride out the storm in my apartment. Once the storm had passed, my boyfriend George and I took him to the vet to get his shots. He stayed with us for three months. One fateful day in January of this year, I walked into the hallway and noticed a trail of feces. "These damn cats!" My first thought was to grab the paper towels and bleach. But why would they have pooped all over the floor? 

I looked toward the bedroom and saw Soggy's tail twitching. "Soggy?" I said nervously as I peeked behind the door. There, curled on the floor, was Soggy. Mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes fogged over, twitching. We were immediately in the car driving down the street to the vet. We were too late. The vet said she thought it was a stroke. We buried him in the back yard and spent the next week in tears. We had lost our baby, and the year had just started. It was devastating, but we were optimistic; it was January, and we had plenty of time to make happy memories for 2020. February and early March were sprinkled with good and bad. George lost an old friend to depression, but we got to see one of his best friends get married, and we took a trip with his Nephews and my son to the NBA Experience in Orlando, Florida, and had a fantastic time.  

In mid-march, COVID-19 had become a worldwide pandemic, and we were in lockdown. George is an actor, so he was entirely out of work, and I was worried that I'd soon lose my job. The bad of 2020 certainly seemed to be taking over. In June, I tested positive for COVID-19; even though I hadn't gone out (I had even been having my groceries delivered), I was supposed to paint a sign for The Riverside Children's Arts Center, where I work. I had been delaying it because I didn't want to go to the hardware store to buy the supplies I needed. On June 24th, I decided to wear a mask and get the stuff. I walked in, stealthily dodging people, staying ten feet away from everyone I saw, went straight to the lumber section, grabbed my piece of wood, and did self-check-out. I got back to my car, doused myself in hand sanitizer, and went straight home. Later that day, I realized that I couldn't smell anything. I was hesitant to tell George because I didn't want to be locked up in a room by myself for 14 days. But I did the right thing. I quarantined myself and got tested. It took ten days for my results to get back to me, but I was sure I had it. I was coughing, had shortness of breath, going to the bathroom made me feel like I had run a marathon. I had so much resentment for that stupid sign. 2020 was totally sucking, but I am happy to say I have made a full recovery, including regaining my sense of smell.

It's been a prolonged year. It's August, and losing Soggy seems like something that happened ten years ago. Since March, George and I have started a nightly routine of drinking hot tea on the front porch in the evenings before bed. This past Friday, during our porch time, we came up with a crazy idea. What if we went on a road trip out to California and back? We talked for over an hour; I gushed about my love for California; it's my home. The next morning when I opened my eyes, George was already awake, he greeted me with his bright blue eyes and sparkling smile, "So, are we doing this?" I knew exactly what he was talking about, "Yes!"

At breakfast, we had a more serious discussion about it. Could we actually travel across the country with only a few day's notice? More importantly, could we travel across the country during a pandemic? I guess the even more important question was actually, should we travel across the country during a pandemic? I know that the most obvious answer is no, we shouldn't. But I had spent most of 2020 indoors, and our recent venture out to Americus, Georgia, had me aching to travel again. So I justified it like this: we want to go. That's it. Now, I'm not thinking that I'm immune to COVID just because I already had it, and I don't believe that a mask is going to protect me from everything, and I'm not one of those people that's like, "Fuck the coronavirus, I do what I want." But I am someone who wants to enjoy life, and see the world. So we decided that we would go, and we would be as careful as possible. As someone that's done a decent amount of traveling, I was very uncertain about how exactly we'd have a fulfilling vacation with so many things being different. So we packed our things, and plenty of hand sanitizer and face masks, and we headed out on the road.  

Our first stop was New Orleans, Louisiana. While I had been to Louisiana many times, I had never been to New Orleans, and George visited last when he was eight years old. So it would be a new experience for both of us. The first day of the trip included driving through Alabama and Mississippi. When I was younger, I looked really young. I mean, when I was in 7th grade, I could have passed for seven years old. I spent nearly all junior high feeling insecure, and like I was being judged for what I was wearing because my mom would dress me in matching short sets meant for 7-year-olds. I thought those feelings had long been forgotten until I wore a face mask in Alabama. At one of our restroom stops, there was even a man that looked at me, smirked, and stood so close he was touching my shoulder as he browsed the donut case. He let out a light chuckle as I immediately stepped away, not just because of COVID, but because, ew!

We arrived in New Orleans around 3 pm, and checked into our Hotel. We had a goal to try to spend no more than $50 per night on hotels and had managed to find a Motel 6 for $47 per night taxes included. I love staying at fancy 4-star hotels, which probably goes without saying, because who really is against luxury? That said, I'm not above staying somewhere cheap, especially if it means more money for my favorite part of travel; the food. It was everything you'd expect a $47 per night motel to be, no-frills, and pretty shabby. The room itself was okay; they provided us with two towels, a tiny soap, and sheets that looked clean, minus the cigarette burns. We wiped everything in the room down with disinfectant wipes (just to make sure.) After resting awhile and getting cleaned up, we headed out to check out the French Quarter about which we'd heard so much. I was delighted with the Creole townhouses and cottages that lined the streets, New Orleans Square was always my favorite area of Disneyland as a kid, and seeing the real-life version was very exciting. We decided to go for a walk down Canal Street and Bourbon street because as tourists, that was our job. It wasn't terribly crowded, but there were still plenty of street performers out filling the air with music and a sense that everything was fine, and life is entirely normal, which is everything I would expect from Louisiana in general. The city's downside was a massive homeless population and panhandlers that ask for money seemingly every few feet. We decided to risk going inside a restaurant for dinner; we ate at Olde Nola Cookery, which we found based on online reviews. We both had catfish, which was terrific, and the restaurant staff took extra care to keep germ free. They wore masks properly, gloves when serving food, and even had digital menus so that we didn't have to touch a menu used by anyone else. After dinner, we were exhausted from our trip and returned to our rented rat's nest to sleep.

We awoke the next morning at 7 am, and by eight we were out at breakfast. We chose Two Chicks Cafe because it was highly rated for breakfast, and it didn't disappoint. We had their special eggs Benedict, with a cajun hollandaise sauce, and a croissant instead of an English muffin. The croissant was decent, not the delicate thousand-layer dream you'd get from an authentic French Bakery, but far from a Pillsbury recent roll. It was a respectable croissant. The poached eggs were really poached eggs; they didn't use any kind of egg-poaching device, someone actually poached this egg with expert skill.

After breakfast we stopped by the Metairie Cemetery, these beautiful old cemeteries are something I've always wanted to see, and I was so happy that we got to stop. We're now on our way to Dallas Texas!

[kitliveblogs]

so this is basically a long-ass rant disguised as a review of Little Mermaid II that I originally posted on a different blog. maybe someday I'll actually get back to that blog, but for right now the theme is broken and I can't read anything on it anymore.

so for now, this will live right here instead c:

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Everyone's already taken their shots at the notoriously bad Disney sequels made in the late 90s and early 2000s. They're basically a walking punch line just by existing. But really, not all of them are completely worthless, and a couple of them are even pretty enjoyable, in a hilarious "I can't believe they actually made this" sort of way.

But I'm here to talk about only the most heinous of cinematic disasters. And let me make one thing perfectly clear: this isn't just Kit being a bitter and cranky old fogy with a chip on her shoulder because the shitty sequel ruined her childhood. I mean, I am bitter and cranky, but The Little Mermaid II couldn't possibly lower my opinion of the original -- there's not really anything lower than rock bottom. (yeah I hate The Little Mermaid fight me)

This movie is just flat out that bad.

word count: 3070

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I'm just gonna get one thing out of the way right now: nothing about this movie frustrates me more than the cast. This cast is made up of particularly well-known voice actors, and it's heartbreaking that they all got wrangled into doing this shit. Jodi Benson (Ariel), Samuel E. Wright (Sebastian), Kenneth Mars (King Triton), and Buddy Hackett (Scuttle) all return to reprise their roles from the first movie, and Pat Carroll who played Ursula is here to play Morgana, the main villain and Ursula's conveniently-never-before-mentioned sister. Yeah. They're doing that. And on top of getting so much of the original cast, they also roped in:

Rob Paulsen (Eric)

Tara Strong (Melody)

Clancy Brown (Undertow)

Cam Clarke (Flounder)

Rene freaking Auberjonois as Chef Louis

and one my favorite VAs Stephen Furst as Dash, one half of the Timon and Pumbaa knock-offs for the film.

When just looking at the cast list pisses me off this much... I don't think this is going to be much fun.

A quick recap for those who have been living under a rock since the late 70s: The Little Mermaid is the story of Ariel, daughter of the ruler of Atlantica, who at the completely world-wise age of 16 decides she's had enough of life under the sea and wants to live with the humans on land. She turns to the sea-witch Ursula for help, and in exchange for her voice is given a pair of legs and a deadline: kiss the man of her dreams within three days or join the shriveled legion of Ursula's previous victims. Naturally the witch doesn't play fair and Ariel fails, and King Triton offers himself in exchange for his daughter, thus sacrificing his washboard abs and obscenely powerful trident to Ursula. One climactic battle later, Ursula's dead, Triton turns Ariel into a human, and she and Prince Eric live happily ever after.

Until the sequel, of course, where Ariel and Eric have a baby girl, Melody, which makes me question the exact biology of this bizarre offspring. I mean just look at this thing:

She was just born but she's got a full head of hair and disturbingly large blue eyes. It's freakish. But anyway, this is where movie number 2 begins.

And we're off to a good start: smacked in the face with a terrible music number. I would say get used to those, but there aren't really enough in the movie to warrant it -- which is pretty bad when you consider this is supposed to be a musical. Also, "listen to Ariel's Melody"? That's... wow. I can't even say that's cute in a sarcastic way that's just terrible.

But oh no! The party is interrupted by Morgana, who is, as Sebastian so eloquently puts it:

Oh good. I can see we'll be dealing with truly ingenious writing here.

So after stealing the baby Melody, ranting and raving about being better than her sister Ursula, and attempting to feed the baby to a shark (all while Ariel, Eric, and Triton stand there doing absolutely nothing), Morgana flees to the arctic. Wait, the arctic? Well, alright, you need to escape pursuit to a barren wasteland, that's fair. I won't linger on this for now, as the geography problems will get a lot worse later.

One of the main MacGuffins of the movie is a gold locket with Melody's name inscribed on it, that projects an image of Atlantica and plays a lullaby when opened. King Triton was giving it to the baby before Morgana came onto the scene, and after failing to find her in a massive search of the sea, Triton drops it in the water and leaves. This strikes me as odd. Wouldn't you want to hang onto it? As a keepsake of your family? Or at the very least dispose of it more properly, just in case Melody might one day, oh I dunno, find it and realize her mother and father had been lying to her her entire life? Nah, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Fast forward 12 years. A giant wall has been built on the shore to keep Melody and the ocean apart, but being a tenacious kid she naturally figured out a way around it. Or rather, under it. Which raises the question: if this child could figure out a way out, why couldn't Morgana figure a way in? It would have been a simple matter to slip under the wall, scale the outside of the tower with her suction cup-riddled tentacles, and kidnap the baby to hold for ransom. Why was it so imperative to wait until Melody found the locket before enacting her plan to steal the trident?

Oh, yeah, that thing I mentioned before about her finding it? Lo and behold, she discovered the damn thing on one of her jaunts to collect seashells (which are comically huge by the way). If only Triton had done literally anything else with it, this whole mess might have been avoided.

But no time to worry about that now; there's a birthday party to attend!

Through a convoluted mess of trying to hide her seashells and pretend she'd been in her room the entire time, Melody accidentally ties Sebastian into the dorky bow on the back of her party dress. I'm sure this will have no consequences down the line at all--

Huh. Didn't see that one coming. This leads to a ridiculous scene of Chef Louis chasing Sebastian around the ballroom like some sort of crazed lunatic. I know this was a thing from the first movie, but this guy is out of his fucking gourd; why do they keep him around? Ultimately, Melody runs off to her room out of embarrassment.

I really don't want to linger on anything for too long since this movie doesn't deserve that much energy, but there's two things about this scene I need to address. One: so basically if Sebastian had just remained calm and waited it out... none of this would have happened? I think the blame for this one falls on him. And two: why the hell are all these other children making fun of Melody? I know she's ~weird~ and all, but she's the freaking princess. Don't you think they'd know better than exclude the princess of the entire kingdom? I would want to stay on her good side is all I'm saying.

Anyway. Melody finally takes a good look at the locket and realizes something's up, confronting her mother about Atlantica. Okay, Ariel, here's your chance. If you just explain the situation, she'll understand and maybe you could even take her to Atlantica under heavy guard or something so she can finally meet her damn grandfather.

Or you could just get mad. Getting mad is good too.

Naturally after that Melody decides to take off, rowing a rather conveniently placed boat out to sea to try and figure it all out for herself. While she meets Undertow and agrees to follow him to Morgana, Sebastian is back at the castle psyching himself up to tell Ariel that Melody ran away.

WAIT. YOU DIDN'T KNOW? IT'S BEEN TWELVE YEARS AND YOU HAD NO IDEA SEBASTIAN WAS KEEPING AN EYE ON MELODY??

So in the end, a) Ariel is the least observant person in the world, b) Sebastian never once told her about Melody's excursions beyond the wall (remember that for later), and c) Triton didn't bother to let Ariel know he'd assigned Sebastian the job, continuing the family cycle of not communicating with each other. In hindsight all this bullshit family drama isn't that surprising.

Back to Melody and Morgana (yes, somehow Undertow and the manta ray minions hauled the boat to the arctic in just a couple of hours), Morgana is doing what she does best: whining about Ursula. Honey, I don't think your mother favored her because she was the oldest; I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that Ursula was actually competent and managed to accomplish her goals. Plus her magic is clearly more powerful than yours, since you have to use one of her potions to turn Melody into a mermaid.

OH MY GOD A SONG. I forgot this movie was supposed to have those. It's an upbeat little tune about learning to swim with her new tail, which quickly evolves into a duet with her mother and finding their "worlds:" Melody finding a place she belongs underwater, and Ariel keeping Melody safe. It's boring, but at least Tara Strong can sing well, and Jodi Benson can still belt it out like she could twenty years ago.

Morgana tells Melody that the spell will only last for two days, and that in order to make it permanent, she'll need the "powerful trident that was stolen from her." I'm sure you're as shocked as I was when it was revealed that she didn't just want a puppy and someone to make her pie. So off Melody goes with naught but determination and a map carved into a block of ice. Wait. That seems... poorly designed.

There aren't even words on it. Now I'm no cartographer, but that seems like a pretty major flaw for a map.

Meanwhile, Ariel has joined the search for Melody as a mermaid again, because apparently, according to Eric, "You should go. You know these waters -- and you know our daughter." Um. I'm not even sure where to begin with that one. Let's just say I agree with half that statement; I'll give you one guess which half.

Back in the arctic-- Stop. Okay look. I liked Timon and Pumbaa well enough. Timon had his moments of obnoxiousness, but Nathan Lane was likable enough to always bring it back, and Pumbaa is still my favorite character from The Lion King. But lemme tell ya, I HATE what Timon and Pumbaa did to Disney for a while. They wanted quirky, amiable sidekicks that would keep the kids entertained and distract from the lion sex happening in the background. I can understand that. But when every kid walked away singing Hakuna Matata and the Disney execs realized what they'd stumbled on, every movie afterward that was bound to fail miserably tried to shoehorn in a pair that would have the same appeal to sell more merch. Timon and Pumbaa themselves wound up with their own movie and a SATURDAY MORNING CARTOON SHOW. YEAH. THAT REALLY HAPPENED.

Why do I bring it up? Do you really have to ask?

Meet Tip and Dash, your knock-offs for the evening.

They are, as they put it, "adventurers slash explorers." That might have actually been a good way of setting them apart from the lackadaisical Timon and Pumbaa -- except that in their very first scene they attempt to save a baby penguin from a shark and completely botch the whole thing by being complete cowards. And then when the penguin family gets upset and berates them for their piss-poor job, the movie has the audacity to frame this like we should feel sorry for them. Movie, I refuse to sympathize with them when all the criticism against them is CORRECT. Also sharks don't live in the arctic. Neither do walruses. Just throwing that out there.

From there they bump into Melody, and she convinces them to take her to Atlantica, since Morgana was an idiot for carving the map into an easily-breakable piece of ice. By the way, for the record, Dash is the only likable character in this entire movie, but even then that's not saying much when you consider I'm biased because of his VA. He's the one that actually agrees to help Melody because she's "a damsel in distress," and doesn't care that she's actually a human-turned-mermaid. Come to think of it, this could have been a really good analogy for trans youth, but that probably would have been way too complicated a subject for a shitty Disney sequel.

Also I was gonna skip this part but it's stuck in my head so I'd like to introduce you to the CATCHIEST AND MOST OBNOXIOUS SONG IN ANY MOVIE EVER. Like damn! That would be an accomplishment if it wasn't so terrible. And I'm not exaggerating; I'm completely immune to It's A Small World, but THIS? This garbage sticks to me like glue. (and if you decided to skip the song you now have It's A Small World in your head so either way you have to SUFFER WITH ME)

Ahem. Moving on.

The Three Stooges here finally make it to Atlantica, just barely missing Ariel, Triton, and Flounder going the other way. Flounder, in the past twelve years, has had about five annoying kids and developed a dad belly. It's not really relevant to anything but it's just hilarious to me that even fish can have dad bellies. But there's only a half hour of this turd left, so let's keep chugging along.

On their way into the palace they bump into a piece of-- what? Fish jailbait? Jail fish bait? Eh, whatever. THEY BUMP INTO THIS KID:

Yes, as a matter of fact it was. Even though Atlantica is clearly in tropical waters. Starfish, sea urchins, and crabs all live in tropical waters, whereas penguins live in colder climates. This geography is seriously messed up. I don't think anyone on the creative team even bothered to so much as glance at a map while making this -- which would also explain the terrible ice map, I suppose.

Melody swipes the trident and heads back to Morgana's lair. Cloak and Dagger, the two manta ray minions (I know, subtle), follow behind, and Ariel catches sight of them. She and Flounder in turn follow them, discovering the witch's hiding place in the arctic. Personally my first thought was "So, we've looked everywhere actually means except there because it's cold as balls and nobody wanted to?" but Ariel's a bit more focused than I was by this point.

Ariel tries to send Flounder back, to let Triton know where they are, but Flounder, being an idiot, says he won't let her go in there alone. DUDE. GO GET HELP. Who does, in fact, go to get help? Why Scuttle, of course!

And it's all your fault, bro.

Ariel rushes in in the nick of time to stop Melody from handing over the trident, but naturally the two of them get into the argument that puts the final nail in coffin. Melody actually says "You knew how much I loved the sea!" but I'd like to refer you back to the facts. Melody and Ariel never had an honest and open conversation about, well, anything. The closest evidence we have to support this statement is that Melody thought Atlantica was just an old fish tale, which means at some point Ariel told her stories about it and the mermaids. Otherwise there's just genetics: your mother's a mermaid so you must love the sea too. That's an awfully big leap. And there's the fact that Sebastian never told Ariel about Melody's adventures outside the wall. She had zero idea about any of it. So how could she have possibly known how much Melody loved the ocean, outside of sheer guesswork?

Oh, but "you know our daughter." Well if you SAY it it MUST be true!

By the by, Melody's little realization here of "I have made a horrible mistake" when she gives Morgana the trident is just priceless.

De-licious.

Finally we've reached the big battle. Morgana builds herself a big fuck-off tower of ice, and we're ready for action.

Scuttle, in a rare moment of non-stupidity, comes soaring in, tailed by Prince Eric's ship. Before blasting it to pieces Morgana asks, "Come to join the party?" and I have to agree; where the hell have you been for the last 40 minutes, anyway, Eric? ALSO

And I present you the only funny line in the movie:

...If it feels like I'm rushing through this it's only because I am.

After getting the trident, Morgana had sealed Melody and Flounder into an ice cavern. Unfortunately for her, Melody's two days are now up, and she turns back into a human in a chamber full of water. Tip and Dash rush in to save her, and come face-to-face with a full-sized Undertow. Through a not-at-all suspenseful sequence of the shark chasing them around, they manage to trick him into ramming the ice wall trapping Melody and Flounder, and get her back up to the surface. Where she just. wakes up. No coughing water or dizziness or trouble breathing. NOPE. Her eyes open as soon as she hits air and she's good to go.

Disney: showing the lighter side of almost drowning.

As Morgana fulfills her power fantasy of getting everyone to bow down to her and shrieking "WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE NOW, MA" (yeah I'm pretty sure it's still Ursula), Melody scales the ice tower in an attempt to retrieve the trident. If nothing else, this movie shows a very inaccurate portrayal of trying to walk on ice. Unsurprisingly, Melody succeeds and tosses the trident back to Triton, who seals Morgana in a block of ice to rest forever at the bottom of the sea.

So Ursula was literally stabbed through the chest with an entire boat and died but Morgana gets punked out in a block of ice? Weak.

The family reconciles, Melody takes the whole "grandfather" thing a little too well, and the movie ends with them tearing down the wall so the humans and merpeople can interact freely from now on.

I only have two questions before I finally shut up about this stupid stupid movie:

1. So does the whole kingdom just sort of take it in stride that a) merpeople exist and b) the prince married one? 2. How can a movie that's only an hour and ten minutes long sans credits feel SO MUCH LONGER

This whole thing was ridiculous from the jump. Who was demanding a sequel to the Little Mermaid of all freaking things? Who really wanted to see sequels to any of the movies from the Disney Renaissance? And there are quite a few of them. Like I said, some of them can be pretty enjoyable if you like cheesiness. But most of them are just terrible like this one, and if you're wondering whether you'll be seeing more of the Dark Age of Disney, don't worry. Their days will come.