#didn't fit this in my last gifset
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Charles Rowland & Edwin Payne | Dead Boy Detectives 1.01
#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#george rexstrew#jayden revri#didn't fit this in my last gifset#but it needed to be shared#mygifs#dbdagifs#dbda101
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A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 6
(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10)
I meant to post this on January 1st since we didn't get a new episode that day, but then I got distracted making gifsets and writing other meta. Oh, and I was also busy finally watching the show with my mother. Whoops. But my thoughts on episode 6 are finally here! ENJOY <3
Pronoun situation: As usual, just assume Fadel and Style use the rude guu/mueng with each other unless I point out a significant pronoun switch.
To recap: Style has spent all of last episode coming to terms with the fact that he was falling in love with someone who regularly kills people. By the end of the episode he has come to a conscious decision that he wants to be with Fadel no matter what. Fadel ends up spending the night in Style's bed where they have a significant conversation about trust before they make love. "Making love", because love is finally most definitely involved in the act.
No. 1: Morning Cardio
It's the morning after and probably the very first morning in their relationship that they wake up together. They bicker and Style finally gets his morning cardio in. All is good, all is well, everyone is happy, no one is sad. I desperately try to repress any memories of how this episode ends in order to get through this scene without sobbing. I end up crying anyway as I think about how the first time they hooked up Fadel abandoned Style on the floor of a cold, dark room after punching him in the gut and now Fadel is lying on top of Style, cuddling and kissing him in a warm room filled with the brightest sunshine.
Anyway, so Fadel wakes up Style who really doesn't want to get up yet. Fadel chides Style for not setting an alarm. But Style won't lie there and get scolded again and so he immediately scolds Fadel back: "I told you to hold back and you didn’t listen to me, either." And since everyone loves the language tidbits so much, here is the literal translation of the "I told you to hold back" part:
Last night I told you to stop เมื่อคืนอ่ะ กูบอกให้มึงหยุด [mêuua keun - àh • guu - bòk - hâi mueng - yùt] last night - [particle] • I - tell - for you to - stop
As grumpy as Style is about being woken up and having to get out of bed, there's a lot of amusement in his voice when he says this and his facial expression is also warm as he looks at Fadel. But then he closes his eyes again and immediately goes back to being a little morning grump as he dramatically laments that his body is sore and that he oh so sadly can't go to work. Fadel is now so relaxed around Style that he finally starts cracking jokes and playing along with Style's antics, offering to take Style to the hospital while trying to scoop Style up bridal style (haha. style. 🤭) in order to take him just there. But it's too early in the day for these games and Style really does not wanna leave the bed just yet. And so he impatiently complains about Fadel trying to carry him, and then explains: "I was just being overdramatic." In Thai, the word that was translated as "overdramatic" is สำออย [săm-oi] which my native speaker friend defined as "pretending to be weak about something" and explained that it's a negative word that is mostly used to make sarcastic remarks. That would certainly fit with Style's slight morning grumpiness. I also looked up the word on thai2english which defines the word as following:
[to] look for sympathy (by acting excessively sad or crying)
Style wasn't exactly crying when he complained about his body being sore, but he sure was looking for sympathy. So he clarifies that he was only pretending and that Fadel didn't need to maneuver him out of bed and then goes on to say: "I know you’re like a block of walking ice, but you should learn to read between the lines." In Thai Style uses the word อารมณ์ [ah-rom] here which translates to "mood" or "feeling" or "emotion":
An ice wall like you should learn to read other people's mood/emotions. กำแพงน้ำแข็งแบบมึงอ่ะหัดอ่านอารมณ์คนอื่นบ้าง [gam-paeng náam kăeng - bàep - mueng - àh - hàt - àan - aa-rom - kon èun - bâang] ice wall - like - you - [particle] - practice - read - mood, emotion - others - some
And Style's current mood is "staying in bed" and "wanting to be babied". The message finally reaches Fadel and he pushes Style back onto the pillow. He props himself up above Style and comes back to what Style was saying about his muscles being sore. "They say we should hit it right where it hurts. It’s like exercising. That’s how your body builds stronger muscles." Style responds with a challenge: "Thanks for the trivia, but I don’t see why you’re telling me this." In Thai he actually phrases it like a question:
[...] but what are you telling me this for? แต่บอกกูเพื่ออะไรเนี่ย [dtàe - bòk - guu - pêuua à-rai - nîia] but - tell - I/me - what for, why - [particle]
(Alt. translation: But why are you telling me this?)
I personally prefer it phrased as a question because it makes the challenge a little more direct. With the exception of rhetorical questions, a question encourages a response. With Style phrasing it like a question, Fadel is pretty much obliged to respond because a question is expected to be followed by an answer. And the answer is? "You need to exercise daily."
Fadel leans down and starts pampering Style with kisses. By now Style's morning grumpiness has faded away completely and is replaced by contentment instead as the lyrics "And now I'm yours / All yours, baby / Now I'm yours" play. Now they are officially each other's. They are officially in love.
No. 2: Awkward Encounters
Unexpectedly, Style's dad returns from his fishing trip just in time to catch Fadel leaving the garage. Style walks in on his dad having a very awkward interview with Fadel and comes to Fadel's rescue. By now Style is much more awake and in a considerably brighter mood than he was right after waking up. His dad immediately starts teasing him about Fadel, but Style isn't having it. He shoots his dad down by calling Fadel his "friend" (part of me wonders if he does that because maybe Fadel and Style haven't really discussed how open/official they wanna be with their relationship outside their inner circle of KB/FS and he doesn't just wanna drop the news to his dad without checking in with Fadel first), he lets his dad know he is being embarrassing and then gently sends Fadel away, releasing him from this very uncomfortable situation that he was suddenly trapped in. And I just adore the way Style stares after Fadel, watching him leave without tearing away his gaze:
Even when his dad starts making a teasing sound, Style takes a moment to fully process that his dad is talking to him while he himself is too busy looking at Fadel and having his attention and thoughts fully on his boyfriend. It's only when his dad starts speaking properly that Style finally turns his head towards him. His dad continues to tease him but even with Fadel gone, Style still isn't in the mood for it and quickly changes the topic to his dad's fishing tip. And their ensuing banter is very endearing because you can just clearly tell how important Style's dad is to him and how much they genuinely like each other. And a little detail I also love is how Style's dad wears a vest similar to the one Style wears later in this episode.
(Btw, y'all, Style stares after Fadel for so long that I had to go with using only every 3rd frame to make the gif fit in the 8mb size limit. That's how long Style stares for jgkdkjfdg)
Side quest: To Play or Not to Play
Now, if you read my previous metas and especially my ep3 meta you'll know that I've been arguing for Style not actually being into sleeping around all that much. Now, you could take Style's dad asking Fadel "Are you his one-time thing or are you taking him seriously?" as confirmation that Style is a player after all. However, I still don't think so. First of all, I'm not gonna believe it until Style has said it himself and even more importantly his actions and behavior also convince me otherwise (considering how many lies all the characters in this series constantly tell) and second of all, I'm not sure Style's dad himself actually knows whether his son sleeps around or not. After all, this is the same man who only the other week said "I forgot you like men". And also the way he was so surprised about seeing an unfamiliar face coming out of his house lets me think that Style usually doesn't have any random over-night visitors. Not to mention his dad being surprised about Style's type ("Oh, well, who’d have guessed that’s your type?").
And all that isn't to say Style never has a one-night stand. I'm just saying, I don't think it happens on a regular basis. As I said in my ep3 meta, I think Style makes very deliberate choices of who he sleeps with and that is also confirmed in episode 5 when Style mentions how his dad tried to set him up with some mechanics but Style wanted to be able to choose for himself. If Style does have one-night stands, it seems like he either never brings them home or he simply just doesn't sleep around often enough for his dad to be in any way used to it. Personally, I think it's the latter. I think Style gets picky about who he sleeps with, because to him sex matters (as discussed in my ep4 meta as well).
Oh, and also in Thai the dad uses the expression หลอกฟัน [lòk fan] which is a colloquial phrase which my native speaker friend explained as "to trick someone into sex". And by the way, Style himself uses that exact expression in episode 4 at the Rise Up meeting when he bitches about getting nailed and bailed. And now I'm a bit angry at myself that I felt too awkward to ask about this phrase back when I was writing my ep4 meta, because the "tricking" connotation of this phrase definitely adds some nuance to Style's anger in episode 4. But coming back to episode 6, I think Style's dad isn't necessarily saying this because of his son's potential love life habits and it's more him being a bit of a protective dad who wants to make sure the people his son keeps company with aren't gonna cause heartbreak to his son.
No. 3: Make the Most of It
Style and Kant meet for a drink and Kant gets right to the point: "If they really decided to carry out their operation tomorrow, and got arrested by Captain, what should we do?" Style doesn't like the thought of Fadel (and Bison) being arrested and suggests a solution: "Let's stop them." Kant reminds him that he can't just walk up to Bison and outright tell him to abandon the mission and Style agrees that Kant would not make it out of that situation alive. "Unless you leave him right now", Style says. Or more literally:
Unless you get out of his life from now on. นอกจากมึงจะออกจากชีวิตไบซันตั้งแต่ตอนนี้ [nôk jàak - mueng - já - òhk jàak - chii-wít - Bison - dtâng-dtàe - dton-níi] apart from, except - you - will - depart, leave - life - Bison - since, from - (right) now
It's not like the literal translation is a big difference from the official translation, but I just thought "leave his life" sounds more dramatic and I'm sure some of you will appreciate this little tidbit of info as well.
Style doesn't know if Kant can simply just just get out of Bison's life or not but what Style does know is that he himself certainly can't just drop out of Fadel's life to never see him again: "But as for me, I’m getting kinda attached to Fadel". Or what he actually says:
But to be honest, I've already begun to worry about Fadel. แต่เอาจริงๆ กูเริ่มเป็นห่วงฟาเดลแล้วนะ [dtàe - ao jing jing • guu - rêum - bpen hùuang - Fadel - láew - ná] but - honestly, seriously - I - begin - be worried - Fadel - already - [particle]
Thai doesn't have verb tenses, so I think a possible translation would also be "I'm beginning to worry about Fadel". Personally, I think present perfect tense is more fitting, since last episode Style already told Kant "I’m beginning to worry about him now", which – something I missed it in my ep5 meta in my hurry to finish before episode 6 dropped and have since added to the post – but what Style says in reality in episode 5 is:
I'm worrying about him now. ตอนนี้กูเป็นห่วงฟาเดลแล้วว่ะ [dton-níi - guu - bpen hùuang - Fadel - láew - wâ] now - I - be worried - Fadel - already - [particle]
(Alt. translation: I'm worried about him now.)
In episode 5 Style says nothing about "beginning to" worry, no, in episode 5 he clearly states that he is already worrying about Fadel and so I think it makes sense to interpret his statement in episode 6 as "I've started to worry about Fadel", since it's something that began in the past (episode 5) and is still ongoing as of this point.
Anyway, so Style questions if Kant would be able to get out of Bison's life and lets him know I myself can't get out of Fadel's life now that I've started to worry about him. We immediately see proof of his worry as he practically begs Kant to hurry up with getting the boss behind everything arrested so that this mess can finally come to an end. And once again we see that Style is quite the optimist: "Those two will be free, and we can go on with our lives."
I think it's not just optimism that led Style to say this words, but also bit of wishful thinking and most importantly, a lot of hope. He is well aware that the situation is messy and difficult, but he still hopes, hopes for the best, hopes for a happy ending for them all. There's gotta be a way, right? If Captain Christ only wants their boss, then everything will be fine, right? But Kant reminds him of the bitter reality: "You think Captain would let them walk? They kill people for a living. If they ain’t shot dead on the spot, they’d at least get a life sentence."
I think deep down Style already knew this, but actually hearing it out loud hits different. I think it's only now that it truly sinks in for him that it will likely be the very last time he'll get to spend time with Fadel. Style sinks back into the bench, looking miserable. Kant moves over to Style's bench to comfort him: "We can only make the most of what we have now." For once, Style isn't in the mood to talk. He grabs his drink, clinks cans with Kant, and they both try to wash away their worries with beer. It's not helping. Style stares dejectedly into the air.
No. 4: Please Don't Be Mad
(Side note: in my ep3 meta I couldn't quite tell if Style went to the bar to purposely seek out Fadel or not, and well, I have my answer now hahaha)
Just like Style already mentioned to Kant and to us, him and Fadel are spending their evening at the heavy metal bar. Fadel tells him that this is the first time that he didn't come to the bar alone and Style tells him "Happiness shared is happiness doubled". Style is serious, he really means it. He is here because he wants Fadel to be happy, wants them to be happy together. Fadel makes heart eyes at him. Style gives a little smile back. Fadel gets the tickets. The ticket seller informs them that the band will be playing for the last time. Style looks serious again. The band isn't the only one having a last time. The ticket seller continues: "It’s gonna be a memorable night." Style looks towards the ground. This hits different for him. "You’re right," he finally says, "for me, tonight is certainly going to be a memorable night." And again, his tone is serious. His words hold a certain weight to them, he really means what he says with all his heart. Then he looks at Fadel. Style was speaking to the ticket seller as he was saying this, but really, it's a message to Fadel. I'm going to remember this night, he says, I'm going to remember you. Style may not be able to tell Fadel about how this will potentially be their last night together, but at least he can be honest about his feelings. This night matters to Style, and it matters a lot. The knowledge of this possibly being a goodbye weighs on him and we can tell by the way just how serious Style has been throughout this short sequence. Not the loud, bubbly boy that we've all grown to love. I think Fadel can also tell that something is off about Style, because he raises his eyebrows at him and stares at him quizzically for a moment before he turns to enter the bar. Style follows him.
Once inside, Style is looking rather tense. There is something on his mind that he needs to confess but that he struggle to say. In the end it does burst out of him. "I don’t really like heavy metal," he shouts in the middle of a heavy metal bar. It makes for a funny moment, but Style is clearly distraught. Fadel says he already knew that and Style is relieved that Fadel isn't angry. Now, I've had some thoughts about this.
I'm not sure this confession was really about Style's music preferences at all. It kinda reminds me of how, remember episode 5 of Bad Buddy when Pat "confessed" to Ink, but it wasn't really about his feelings for her at all but rather Ink and that confession served as a stand-in so that he could get the weight off his chest without having to open the real can of worms? Yeah, I think we have something somewhat similar happening here. Now I do very much think Style was absolutely telling the truth when he said he doesn't like heavy metal music. After all, we did see him jamming out to a song that was very much not heavy metal music, so the content of his confession definitely wasn't a lie. But I do think it served as a bit of a stand in for all the things Style CAN'T confess to right now. And there is a lot that Style could and should and probably also kind of wants to be confessing to: the fact that he knows of what Fadel does, the fact that Kant has informed the police of Fadel and Bison's next mission, the fact that said police will be awaiting the brothers there, the fact that this will likely be Style and Fadel's very last night together. Not to mention the fact that Style hit on him for a car before he fell in love for real. But as Kant pointed out earlier that day when they were having a drink together... It's not like they can just walk up to the brothers and just say it. The brothers are killers after all. And in a way, I think Style's confession serves not just as an attempt to be more honest with Fadel but also as a way to assess how Fadel will react if he learns that Style actively lied to him.
Style looks almost a bit too upset and guilty for it to be just about his music preferences after the truth is out of his mouth.
The situation is a bit awkward, because he ends up yelling it loudly in a room full of heavy metal fans, but I don't think he really cares about that more than a whoops in this moment, because what really matters is: "You’re not mad at me, are you?" There is so much urgency to it, his expression kind of pleading:
I'm sorry that I wasn't being honest with you. You're not mad at me, right? You're not mad that I lied to you, right? Please don't be angry with me. Style is so very stressed about this. Fadel's reaction is important.
And Fadel? Is not angry that Style lied. In fact, to Style's surprise, Fadel actually already knew the truth about him (foreshadowing, anyone? 👀). Style is veeery relieved about this:
มึงไม่โกรธอ่ะ กูก็สบายใจแล้ว [mueng - mâi - gròht - àh • guu - gôr - sà-baai jai - láew] you - not - angry - [particle] • I - [sentence link] - happy, pleased - already
In the subtitles Style says "All I want to know is that you’re not mad at me" here. I checked the original line with a native speaker friend who translated it as "You're not mad, then I'm relieved" (and if you put the Thai line into Google Translate it also spits out "If you're not angry, I'll be relieved") which I think matches what Dunk is portraying here through his body and his facial expression a lot better. However, the official English translation summarizes the whole point of the confession very nicely: all Style wants to know is how Fadel will react to the fact that Style actively lied to him and he's desperately hoping that Fadel won't be angry to find out the truth.
And then Fadel isn't angry. And tells him that he wants to see the real Style. Style tilts his head at him, not looking entirely convinced despite the huge relief just now. There is still a lot Style is currently keeping from Fadel, things that are a much bigger deal than his music preferences. Style is still keeping truths from Fadel, still lying to him. And then Fadel drops: "But still, liars should be punished." This has Style genuinely stressed again. There is almost a bit of fear in his voice when he inquires what the punishment will be as he reluctantly lets Fadel drag him away. Style now knows that Fadel won't be angry at him for lying, but there will be consequences (a punishment) (again: will this be foreshadowing? 👀).
No. 5: Fake Fan
Turns out Fadel's punishment isn't all that scary after all, even if Style isn't too hyped about it. Nevertheless, he patiently sits there and lets Fadel paint his face without stopping him. But no matter his patience, Style still can't let Fadel do this without at least a verbal protest. He points out that that Fadel isn't wearing face paint either and is almost kind of offended. YOU aren't wearing any so why are you making ME do it? Style then questions if Fadel even has the skills for what he's doing. Unlike before, Fadel now easily gives up information about himself to Style without hesitation: "I used to wear the same makeup as my favorite band."
A major running theme that we've had going on over several episodes now is how Style keeps trying to get Fadel to loosen up and to have fun. We saw this happening in episode 1 already when Style tried to get Fadel to play along when he made him get the pin off his shirt himself (which actually happened even before Kant made Style hit on Fadel). We saw it in episode 2 when Style pretended they were on a cooking show and provided commentary while Fadel was preparing a customer's food. We saw it in episode 3, when Style follows Fadel to the heavy metal bar for the first time and tried to get Fadel to party and to scream a little. We saw it in episode 5 when Style convinced Fadel to wear the matching couple shirts, pulled him into a dance, and even got him to sing karaoke. And what's more, we've also seen Style trying to get Fadel to socialize. And yeah, of course a lot of what Style was saying and implying about Fadel doing things with Style specifically he said because he was actively hitting on Fadel, but I do think he genuinely meant it when he said things like "But some things are better done together" (episode 2, sports field) or "How’d [having a good time all by yourself] even work? You need someone to 'scream' with" (episode 3, heavy metal bar).
So Style has been trying to coax Fadel out of his shell pretty much since the beginning, has been trying to get him to just enjoy life, has been trying to pull him out of his loneliness. And he's doing it again here: the moment Style learns of Fadel's old hobby, Style immediately suggests Fadel paints his face too. Matching make-up for the two of them. It's something that Fadel clearly enjoys and also they'll do it together. Obviously. Because some things are better done together. And happiness shared is happiness doubled. But Fadel refuses, because he never lets anyone see him with band make-up on.
Edit: There is so much going on here in this scene that I totally forgot to mention a very important language note (and I'm really mad at myself that I didn't catch my mistake before publishing this meta): the word for make-up/putting make -up on is แต่ง [dtàeng] which also means "to marry". So when Style says "Then you should put some makeup on, too" it actually also sounds like he is saying "Will you marry me, then?", which is why Fadel suddenly stops and looks up at him. Make of that double meaning what you will 🤭
After that we get even more running themes: only moments ago Fadel said "I want to see the real you", but this is something that goes vice versa for Style as well. In episode 5 he told Fadel "I promise that no matter who you are, I’ll still like you" and while this was mostly in reference to Fadel's secret hitman identity, this sentiment counts for everything else about Fadel too. And if Fadel enjoys wearing his favorite band's make-up, then Style will also like him for that. Style wants see Fadel's real him and he wants Fadel to be the real him, to live the real him. "How long are you going to live someone else’s life?"
And it's not just that. After episode 5 I was discussing the double date scene with @secriden in our DMs and she talked about how Style was giving Fadel a safe space to participate in all that socializing by being even sillier than Fadel so that Fadel didn't have to be embarrassed about dancing silly dances or wearing silly couple shirts. And I think the very same thing is going on here. Fadel never lets the public see his painted face, whether it's out of fear or embarrassment or something else. And Style offers for them to wear matching make-up. "Try just being someone you want to be," he says, "We’ll do it together." Fadel isn't alone in this, Style is right here, by his side, with him. A safe space. "There’s nothing to be afraid of." Not if Fadel is with Style. Style will support whoever Fadel is underneath his thick, icy walls no matter what. Style is set on it. And tonight, potentially their very last night together, Style will gladly wear make-up for Fadel and Fadel will wear make-up too for his own happiness. They'll do it together and there is nothing to fear when Style is with him. Well? How about it?
Fadel is quiet. He lets Style grab his face and paint on him. Style gives Fadel an encouraging nod, like See? It's not that bad. It's not that scary. I'm right here with you. Be happy. Be you. I love you.
Now, the tear tracks that Style draws on Fadel's face are obviously foreshadowing to how this episode is going to end with Fadel crying because of Style's "betrayal". But honestly, the very first time I watched it? This foreshadowing went right over my head. Admittedly, I was also running on just 3h of sleep that day because I'd been up all night finishing my ep5 meta so I could post it before the new episode dropped and took a 3h nap around noon, so that might have also been a factor in that, but yeah, it totally didn't occur to me that the episode could end in Fadel's real tears (not sure if that made the last scene better or worse tbh). No, the thought that I had instead while watching the episode for the first time was: "Are those the tears that Fadel never got/gets to cry?" And to be honest, I do hope later down the line we'll get a scene where Fadel finally lets it all out, let's out all the pain from all the trauma(s) he's been through while Style is right by his side, supporting him through it, is there for him. Because they'll do this together and Style will always be ready to happily offer and create a safe space for Fadel, just like he did in episode 5 when he was asking Fadel about his parents or when he was trying to get Fadel to let lose and dance a little in the bowling alley or now when he's offering to wear matching make-up with Fadel. And when Fadel cries (and I hope he will cry, and not just from Style's "betrayal"), then Style will offer a safe space for Fadel to cry in, too.
No. 6: (Bitter)Sweet Happiness
Both in make-up, they now proceed to have the time of their lives at the concert, smiling the brightest smiles. They even get to take selfies with the band. Fadel is happy, and so is Style. I think this may actually be the most carefree we've seen Fadel in the entire series so far and it's all thanks to Style.
After the concert they end up standing by a glass window. "Thanks for coming with me," Fadel says and Style looks at him with the warmest, most loving, most adoring expression.
Of course Style accompanied him here. He had promised Fadel in episode 3 already that he would make Fadel 'scream' at some point (that is to have fun, basically) and now they're both here, Fadel is having a good time, and Style is happier and more in love than he could ever have imagined. Fadel continues his little thank you speech: "If it weren’t for you, I’d probably have sat alone over there." Style knows this very well. He saw him sit all by himself last time, refusing to have fun with Style. He saw Fadel stand by himself in the crowd. And even then he was of the opinion that "You’re supposed to have fun with your friends at a place like this". And now Fadel is here. Having fun with him. And there is absolutely no need for Fadel to thank Style, because just getting to see Fadel smile makes Style happy already.
However, as the night is coming to an end the happiness Style has been feeling is overshadowed by the knowledge of what is about to happen next. It's overshadowed by the knowledge that this is almost certainly the last time they'll get to spend time with each other like this. "You wanna come over tonight?" Style asks, "I want to cuddle you to sleep." He doesn't want this night to end. He wants to hold on to Fadel just a little longer, wants to hold him for as long as possible before all of this is over. And best case-scenario, he also manages to stop Fadel from going on the mission like he suggested when he was getting drinks with Kant.
He looks at Fadel with hopeful eyes. But Fadel declines. Style's dad is home and besides, Fadel's got work tomorrow. Work? This has Style listening up. He seizes the opportunity, just like he did back in episode 5 on the floor of the garage. He starts subtly grilling Fadel: "Grocery shopping? I’ll help." Which, by the way, is actually: "The market? I can go with you."
ตลาดหรอ เดี๋ยวกูไปด้วยได้นะ [dtà-làat - rŏr • dĭieow - guu - bpai - dûuay - dâai - ná] market - ? • moment - I - go - too, with - can - [particle]
And that makes me cry a little, because the market one of their spots by now. Like, of course Style would gladly go to the market with Fadel. But Fadel isn't going to the market. He tells Style he's doing something else. But Style already knows exactly what Fadel is doing and where he's going. Once again Style tries to get Fadel to spill the truth: "You’re doing a lot of second jobs, aren’t you? What else do you do besides working as a host? You can tell me. I won’t judge." I promise you I won't judge you for being a hitman. I already know this and I'm cool with it. And if you would just SAY it out loud already then I could tell you not to go through with the mission tomorrow. Then I could keep you by my side just a little longer. Please tell me. Style looks at Fadel with big eyes, full of hope and encouragement.
But Fadel does not say what Style wants him to say. Style is disappointed.
He leans back against the glass wall, upset. In the gif on the right it actually almost looks like he could start crying any moment now:
Fadel is confused, but amused, assuming Style is probably just being his usual overdramatic self. He laughs and asks Style what's wrong. Style side-eyes him, still upset and pouting.
This is potentially the last time they'll be together. Tomorrow Fadel will probably get arrested. Tomorrow Fadel will probably be taken away from him. And he can't even talk about it. Can't even stop him from going.
Fadel continues on:
You act like we're not going to see each other again just because we won't be spending the night together. แค่ไม่��ด้นอนด้วยกันเองทำอย่างจะไม่ได้เจอกันอีก [kâe - mâi dâai - nawn - dûuay gan - eng - tam - yàang - jà - mâi dâai - jer gan - ìig] only - not - sleep - together - just - do - like - will - not - meet/see each other - again
Style might not be able to outright tell Fadel that he's acting like that because they actually, for real may very well never see each other again when the night is over, but at least he can try to be as honest about his feelings as possible: "It’s been a good night. I don’t want it to end." I don't want to say goodbye. Fadel tries to console him. "When I’m back, there’ll be more nights like this." Style so badly wants to believe him.
He looks at Fadel with big, hopeful eyes. You promise? Fadel nods. And I think, despite Style knowing that the police will interrupt Fadel's mission and that it won't go smoothly and will likely end in his arrest, I think despite all that deep down Style holds Fadel to that promise. And we can once again see how optimistic and especially how hopeful of a person he is. Now matter how bleak the situation seems right now, Fadel has promised to come back and Fadel has promised that they'll have more nights full of happiness together. And a promise is a promise, right? You can't simply just break it. And so Style hopes for the best. He might not be able to get him to stay but at least Fadel will be back. Because he promised.
They seal that promise with a kiss. And it's interesting, because Style doesn't immediately close his eyes when Fadel goes to kiss him but instead looks at him for a moment longer. And then his eyes keep fluttering open for a moment. It's almost as if he can't tear his eyes away from Fadel, as if he can't help but use every opportunity to look at Fadel, to catch every last glimpse of Fadel while he still has the opportunity to do so. They break apart and Fadel tells Style that he's (also) very happy tonight and Style (re)confirms his own happiness. They lean their foreheads against each other. And again, Style can't really close his eyes and fully sink into the moment the way Fadel can. It's like he tries to close his eyes but they keep fluttering open a second later because he just can't keep his eyes away from Fadel, is compelled to keep looking at him while he still can, while Fadel is still right there with him. And even when they break away from each other and turn to look out of the window towards the stage, it takes Style a couple of seconds to tear his eyes away from Fadel, who is already looking elsewhere:
After they've turned around, their hands find each other. And I think in that moment Style really needs that support through his distress and I think Fadel can feel it, even if he can't figure out what exactly is up with Style and why he is acting the way he's acting.
No. 7: Moving On
Fadel and Bison's mission has passed. Kant's brother nearly got caught in the crossfire. Kant wonders if Bison saved Babe. Kant guesses that Bison saved him. With that he also implies that if Bison was the one saving Babe (since Bison is the one who actually knows and recognizes Kant's brother), the one taking the shot must've been Fadel, implying that Fadel would have injured or killed Babe. But Style, who has been spending a lot of time with Fadel and has slowly been getting to know the real Fadel underneath all those walls, just can't imagine Fadel would shoot a random kid. When he asks Kant "You think Fadel would shoot Babe?" it's definitely in defense of Fadel. And that's interesting, because so far he's always been supportive of his bestie and his investigations. He hasn't always been happy about it, but he still never fought Kant about it. This is the first time we see Style actively go against Kant to stand on Fadel's side instead.
Style continues: "You think he knows you’re a snitch?" I think this is partly still a bit of an attack on Kant in his defense of Fadel in the sense of What, does Fadel to have a reason to kill your brother because you did a shitty job staying undiscovered? and partly a genuine question to find out if Fadel would actually have a motive to shoot Babe on the off chance that he did mean to do that. Not that Style actually believes that, though.
Kant says no and says that his work is over and that he's done being a snitch. This should be good news to Style, but Style doesn't look very comforted. In fact, Style barely acknowledges Kant's words. His mind is somewhere else, is with someone else. "I want to see Fadel." Once again we aren't simply just told through text that Style worries about Fadel but we are also shown. And on top of worrying, Style also misses him.
As so often when Style expresses genuine care and attachment to Fadel, Kant immediately disapproves: "Style! You have to get over it. You can’t ever get together with him. Move on." In Thai, Kant uses the word ตัดใจ [dtàt-jai] when he says "get over it". Thai2english defines this as:
to part with something, to give up something (somewhat unwillingly)
Style is unwilling to give Fadel up. He can't part with Fadel, no matter how much he knows he should if he wants to get out of that mess of a situation. "It’ll become a funny story," Kant says, but Style isn't laughing. He is miserable.
No. 8: Will They or Won't They (Come Back)
Fadel and Bison's mission hasn't gone to plan (neither for them, nor for the police), they've gone completely MIA and our two remaining love struck boys that were left behind now stop by the restaurant in the hopes of meeting them there in person if they're already not picking up their phones. However, Style and Kant find the restaurant abandoned as well. Style looks a little disappointed when he states that the diner is closed, but he's not necessarily all that surprised and he is definitely very concerned. Kant walks away from him to check the inside through the windows just in case and Style follows him. They run into the black cat and end up having a little chat.
And what's interesting about it is that during that little chat Style isn't even all that depressed, despite still not having any clue whatsoever about Fadel's whereabouts. In fact, he actually sounds kind of cheerful when he asks and talks about the cat, unlike in the scene before where he was simply just miserable. Style's tone as well as his expression do both get more serious when he says "I guess [the cat] misses Bison, then. He’s a food source, after all", but no matter how troubled he is about the whole situation, no matter how worried he is about Fadel's well-being and no matter how much he misses him, he won't let himself wallow in misery.
Kant says "Why do I have a feeling that this isn’t over? They can’t run forever, that’s for sure. If they haven’t completed their mission, they will definitely come back" and once again we see Style's optimism and bright outlook on life when he replies "I guess you’re right. Before things went down, you saw how attached they were to us". But similarly to the scene in the beginning when they were having drinks, Kant comes back with some realism: "No matter how much you love someone, you gotta prioritize saving your own butts, right?" Style thinks about it for a moment and raises his eyebrows like Yeah, I guess that's true...
Once again, his expression gets more serious and his smile fades but we know he's not giving up any hope of meeting Fadel again whatsoever, because he'll be back in a week to check on the restaurant again. And let's be real, the series might not have shown this to us but we all know Style went to the diner every single day of that week. Possibly even multiple times a day.
No. 9: Something Special to Eat
A week later and we see Style checking on the restaurant again, this time without Kant. And to his surprise and utter joy, the lights are on! Fadel is back and he looks well! Style stares at him through the window, breathes a small huff of relief, then shakes his head a little like he can't believe his eyes, like he can't believe that what he is seeing is real. As I mentioned before, I'm absolutely convinced Style went to the restaurant every single day for the past week and now it turns out that he was right not to give up, not to lose hope, to stay optimistic like he always is. Style's joy about Fadel's return manifests in his whole entire body as he hops and skips through the restaurant doors.
Once inside, Fadel doesn't seem surprised to see him. He doesn't even say hello, but immediately opens up with the words: "I was thinking of going to your place. But you were more impatient than me, huh?"
Language side note, for all you language nerds out there... In Thai the "you were more impatient" is actually only implied, not explicitly stated:
I haven't gotten round to go see you yet. กูยังไม่ทันไปหามึงเลย [guu - yang - mâi tan - bpai hăa - mueng - loiie] I - yet - not be able to (do sth in/on time) - go visit - you - [particle] You came running to see me. มึงมาหากูซะละ [mueng - maa hăa - guu - sá - lá] you - come visit - I/me - [particle] - [particle]
(For the second sentence I decided to translate it as "you came running" because the particle ซะ [sá] can imply that the action should be done quickly. And Style did come running very quickly the moment Fadel was back.)
And when Style replies "Where have you been?" his words are also a little more dramatic in the original, as is fit for his personality:
Where did you disappear to for so long? มึงหายไปไหนตั้งนานอ่ะ [mueng - hăai bpai - năi - dtâng naan - àh] you - disappear - where - for a long time - [particle]
(It's basically "Where have you been for so long?")
A whole week is a long time to not see your boyfriend, especially when you know something bad has happened and you have no idea if he's alright or not. And so Style rightly complains. Fadel says that his phone broke and that he had to change both his phone and his number. Style throws him an almost disappointed look. He knows that this is a lie (or at least the "my phone broke" part probably is. Fadel might have had to change his number for real when he went into hiding). And more importantly, it only explains why Fadel wasn't replying to his texts. It does not answer Style's question of "where have you been?" and so Style is left none the wiser. Fadel says that he was busy and Style continues to complain: "And you didn’t think to contact me a little? I was worried sick about you, you know?" And we saw that. We got to see how Style was worrying when he was longing to see Fadel after hearing how Babe nearly got injured and we saw it when Style checked the restaurant at the very least two times, once with Kant and once by himself (and let's be real, he definitely went more than twice, we just didn't get to witness it). We see it even now in the way he complains to Fadel about him ignoring Style for a full week. Style thought he was saying goodbye to Fadel at the concert because the police would be ripping Fadel away from him but then that didn't actually happen because Fadel managed to escape and Style spent a full week worrying about him, missing him, longing to see him. And then Fadel is back and he's doing well and he didn't even think to tell Style about it. Style has every right to complain and Fadel should know it, too.
Fadel complains about Style's complaining and then offers to make him food like a peace offering and/or an apology. And fun fact, when he says "Anything you'd like to eat?" in Thai it's:
Anything special you wanna eat? อยากกินอะไรเป็นพิเศษป่ะล่ะ [yàak - gin - àrai - bpen pí-sèt - bpà - lâ] want - eat - anything - that is special - ? - [particle]
I'm telling you, when I heard Fadel say the words "eat" and "special" in the same sentence I immediately expected Style to say "you". I think I even said the word "you" at my screen when I watched the episode for the first time. And then Style DIDN'T. He just... didn't say it. When it was literally right there. I'm truly disappointed in him ngl.
Style does not say "you", instead he sits down and let's Fadel decide on the menu and compliments his cooking. Fadel is immediately sus about the sweet talking and asks: "Did you do something wrong?" Style doesn't know that this is a very pointed question, has absolutely no idea that Fadel is currently suspecting him of snitching to the police. "No," Style replies, but his voice doesn't sound entirely genuine. It's not a full lie but it's also not entirely sincere. Did he do anything wrong? It's hard to say. Technically he isn't the one to tip off the police so technically this isn't something he's done wrong. Style also knows a lot more than he should and that's also not something that he's necessarily doing wrong per se, but it's still something he's keeping from Fadel which could be considered wrong. And one could also say that not explicitly warning Fadel about how the police would be at their mission wasn't right. So technically there is something he did do wrong and that he could be feeling guilty about. No matter whether he really did do something wrong or not, Style chooses to deflect and distract anyway. And he changes the topic to something that really is completely true this time: "I just really missed you." Although, when he says "Is it so weird to get a little affectionate?" it's almost a bit of a challenge. Tell me again how I'm doing something wrong. Style continues: "You know, all this time apart really frustrated me." And there we finally have it. The "I want to eat you" bit.
I think at this point it's pretty obvious that Style is being genuine about his flirting, but I just wanna point out that what I noticed before about how Style acts when he truly wants Fadel continues to hold up: instead of being loud and performative, Style gets quiet, goes almost into a whisper by the end of the sentence. And he also gets handsy with Fadel. He reaches for Fadel's nipple specifically and it works. Fadel is very much distracted. But he stops Style because this is not something Fadel wants to do in the middle of his restaurant in front of a wall of glass windows (probably? Who knows with them 🤷🏼♀️). Fadel decides on making spaghetti for Style who approves and fondly smiles at Fadel. They keep holding on to each other's hands for as long as possible as Fadel turns around to walk off and I cry and then I cry some more about the way Style once again can't tear his eyes away from Fadel.
No. 10: Oh, I Wish That You Hadn't Pulled the Trigger
It's later in the evening, Style has presumably finished eating (and maybe Fadel, too?) and now they're both wiping down the restaurant. And once again we see something that I've been talking about for the last few episodes now: Style likes helping. Fadel explicitly tells him that he doesn't have to help and that Fadel will do it himself, so likely Style just grabbed the cloth and started wiping without a second thought while Fadel had his back turned. Because helping people is something that comes to Style naturally. He wants to help. And so he insists on continuing to help with the cleaning and, if it makes Fadel feel better about it, offers Fadel to think of it as payment for the free food.
And I know this meta is actually about Style, but I see Fadel watch Style for a moment after Style said that and I can't help but remember how Style was there in episode 3, helping Fadel out at the restaurant when Bison was nowhere to be found and now Style is here again, helping Fadel out at the restaurant without hesitation and of his own free will and I can't help but think that this is probably one of the things that Fadel has come to love about Style. Style is here and he helps and supports Fadel no questions asked. Which make the news he is about to hear even more painful. And right on cue, Fadel's phone rings.
Fadel steps outside to talk to Bison. In the meantime inside, Style moves on to wipe the next table. He lifts his head just in time to catch Fadel looking at him through the window. Style smiles at him fondly.
Style is so happy that Fadel is back, is so content to be around him. The night of the concert wasn't a goodbye after all. He had bid farewell to Fadel internally already but now he gets to have a new beginning after all. Style is overjoyed.
Then Fadel comes back inside, proceeds to turn on some music and Style is confused as to why he would do that. Fadel asks if he can't get romantic and Style calls him out for scolding him earlier about Style being too sweet and cheesy only to turn around all of a sudden and wanting to be romantic after all. Style has absolutely no idea that Fadel sees him in a completely different light now, but I think he can tell that something is kinda off and that the phone call might have had something to with Fadel's sudden change of mood. So Style asks what Bison said. And Style being Style who cares about his loved ones also wants to know if Bison is with Kant. Fadel confirms. Style comments that Bison probably missed Kant. And right after the sentence is out of his mouth, for just a split second before it cuts back to Fadel we can see a very pleased smile form on Style's face.
Bison wasn't the only one missing someone. Style was too. He was missing Fadel so very much and he was worried sick about him and now Fadel is back, Fadel is standing right in front of him in the flesh and everything is all good in this world. Of course, Style is pleased.
And then Fadel says "I also missed you". Style's eyes widen in surprise, his expression serious now. Ever since they officially started dating Fadel has been saying things like "we're on trial" and "I won't ever trust you 100%" and while he did admit to being very happy earlier in the episode at the concert, I think Style wasn't really expecting Fadel to suddenly be so open about his feelings, almost out of nowhere without any obvious triggers. But then Fadel continues his confession by telling Style that there is no one messing with him when Style isn't there. Ah, there he is, that old nagger that Style has come to love. A compliment that comes in the form of an insult. That's more like him. Style is amused and in a lovingly teasing, but also slightly serious tone asks if he's just an annoyance to Fadel and whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. Fadel is quick to assure him that it's a good thing: "Having someone to miss is good. It makes me want to go to the market and go jogging with the hopes of running into you."
Did you notice that I changed something in Fadel's wording just now? Because the official subs wrote "grocery shopping" instead of "the market" and once again I just don't understand the decision to translate it like that because the market is literally one of their spots!! It's not the action of grocery shopping that's important here, it's the place!!! Because Fadel is likely doing some of his grocery shopping at a supermarket too, but it's when he shops at the market place specifically where he has memories with Style!!!
In fact, let me just share Fadel's exact wording of the whole bit:
Having you to miss is a good thing. การมีมึงไว้ให้คิดถึงเนี่ยมันดีนะเว้ย [gaan mii - mueng - wái - hâi - kít-tĕung - nîia - man - dii - na wóiie] having - you - to - miss - [particle] - it - good - [particle] It makes me want to go to the market, มันทำให้กูอยากไปตลาด [man - tam hâi - guu - yàak - bpai - dtà-làat] it - make that - I - want - go - market go jogging in the morning, ไปวิ่งตอนเช้า [bpai - wîng - dton cháao] go - run, jog - in the morning because I'm hoping I'll get to meet you. เพราะหวังว่าจะได้เจอมึง [próh - wăng wâa - jà - dâai - jer - mueng] because - hope that - will - get to - meet - you
And also a little bit earlier when he tells Style "I’ve got no one messing with me when you’re not there":
Without you, there is no one messing up my life. ไม่มีมึงอ่ะ ไม่มีใครมาป่วนชีวิตกู [mâi mii - mueng - àh • mâi mii krai - maa - bpùuan - chii-wít - guu] without - you - [particle] • no one - come - be chaotic - life - I/my
This confession is a parallel to his "I hate that I don't hate you" confession: In episode 4 Fadel said "I don't like you messing up my life" and now in episode 6 he says "Without you, there is no one messing up my life". In episode 4 Fadel said "I don’t like myself when I look for you on the morning jog or at the market" and now in episode 6 Fadel says "It makes me want to go to the market and go jogging in the morning with the hopes of running into you". In episode 4 Fadel said "I don’t like that I miss you." and now in episode 6 he says "I've missed you. Having someone to miss is good."
It's his confession from episode 4 but this time it's romantic and Style even points it out very amusedly, but is also very happy about it: "Are we officially entering romantic territory?" Fadel says that he wants to do what lovers do and Style tells him "I don’t want you to do what you don’t want to do". Or in his exact wording:
I don't want you to do anything that isn't you. กูไม่อยากให้มึงทำอะไรที่ไม่ใช่ตัวเองนะเว้ย [guu - mâi - yâak - hâi - mueng - tam - arai - tîi - mâi châi - dtue eng - ná wóiie] I - not - want - that - you - do - anything - that - not - yourself
Fadel told him at the concert that he wanted to see the real Style, but the same goes the other way around. Style wants Fadel to be the real him, too. And he doesn't want him to do anything that isn't the real him. But Fadel replies:
But I can be like you want me to be. แต่กูสามารถเป็นอย่างที่มึงอยากให้กูเป็นได้ [dtàe - guu - săa-mâat - bpen - yàang - tîi - mueng - yàak - hâi - guu - bpen - dâai] but - I - be able to - be - like - that, which - you - want - for, to - I/me - be - be able to (cont.)
It's a loaded statement. And it has Style confused.
It's the exact opposite of what Style wants. Style wants Fadel to be himself, Style doesn't want him to live a life that Style tells him to live. Style doesn't understand and while there are questions written all over his face, he doesn't ask any of them out loud. He stays quiet and smiles a little in uncertainty (He's currently living through a happy little romantic moment with his boyfriend, right? Right?? That's definitely what's happening here, isn't it???) as he waits for Fadel to continue and to maybe elaborate. Fadel takes a step towards him and says:
I think... I already love you. กูว่า...กูรักมึงแล้วว่ะ [guu - wâa... guu - rák - mueng - láew - wâ] i - think... i - love - you - already - [particle]
(Alt. translations: "I think... I love you" or "I think... I love you now")
Style is delighted to hear these words. Distracted from his bemusement from only seconds ago he smiles a satisfied smile. He's been so open and honest about his own feelings and finally Fadel is opening up too and giving back. Style happily kisses Fadel in response.
He, too, loves Fadel. He loves him and he's missed him and he's been worried sick about him when he didn't hear from him for a full week and didn't know how he was doing and now Fadel is back, Fadel is well, they get to have more nights like the night of the concert together, they get to be together for longer than Style thought they would. Life is great.
After they part, they lean their foreheads against each other. When they did it at the concert, Style's eyes kept flickering to Fadel's face. Here at the diner Style can sink into the moment and into the touch a lot more now that he knows this isn't gonna be the last night he'll be together with Fadel. (I've hit image limit, but here's a parallel gifset.) He does look up at Fadel at one point, almost as if to check if Fadel is still there, that he is real, that this is not a dream. And maybe it's also to check on him, since he's been acting a bit weird since the phone call. But then Style closes his eyes again and sinks into the moment one more time, just like when Fadel leaned into him. The two move into a hug as they sway from side to side. Style can neither see nor feel Fadel's tears dropping onto his back.
Of course I'm gonna have to wait to see what future episodes bring before I can say for sure, but honestly speaking, I do think Style can kind of tell that something is off about Fadel after his phone call with Bison. Style immediately clocks that Fadel is behaving strange the moment Fadel turns on the music, Style calls Fadel out for suddenly being romantic when only shortly before that he was telling Style off for being sweet, he gets confused when Fadel goes "I can be like you want me to be" when that's the exact opposite of what Style has been asking for and there is also something in the way Style really sinks into the forehead touch but then his eyes open and flicker to Fadel as if he's checking on him (almost as if he was also checking that Fadel was still there and hasn't gone away again, as if Style can feel that Fadel is in the process of saying goodbye to him). Fadel is in a weird mood and that mood probably does reach Style. But the thing is, Style is missing a key piece of the puzzle and even if he can tell that something is off, to Style it still looks like a happy picture. To Style it still is a happy picture. And what Style doesn't know, but what we, the viewers, can very much see coming is that this happy illusion will burst soon enough.
(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10)
#the heart killers#thk#fadelstyle#stylefadel#thk ep6#thk meta#thkmetamine#my meta#adrm#HIIIII GOOD MORNING MY META IS FINALLY OUT#i'm glad there was no new episode for once bc i didn't have to stress out about this meta and i'm STILL making it in time before ep7#i'm already dreading the next three weeks bc my semester is about to end#i have a presentation at the end of the months and a few (time consuming) assignments to do rip#watch me pull several all-nighters again just to get my metas out before the new episodes
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She has no throne. Girls without thrones should not have knights, but hers won’t go. Princess Zelda – the girl who killed Calamity – would love to fade into legend, but Link’s bought a house, he’s fighting off monsters, and he’s selling giant horses to strangely familiar Gerudo men. She'll never have any peace now. Heather Says: This fic. THIS FIC. Is so richly built. Is so intoxicating. It leans into found family. You spend chapter after chapter watching Zelda and Link traverse Hyrule with the hot Gerudo that they met along the way after the events of the first game. And it is so fucking compelling. Honestly, while I'm happy that they smooched, I would have been completely fine reading another 100k of just these three wandering Hyrule together, being absolute goblins. 10 out 10, will read again.
9. one hundred years past by tciddaemina | BotW/TotK | Ganondorf/Link | 38k
Link wakes up a century early. It changes everything. Heather Says: Can you tell that playing Tears of the Kingdom left me desperately thirsty for any and all Ganondorf content this summer? I'm a sucker for all sides of the poly triforce but I'll admit that Ganondorf and Link scratches that enemies to lovers itch PERFECTLY if it's done well. And this one is done well.
10. Step Right Up by entanglednow | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 3k
Steve had mostly given up on trying to meet anyone new after everything, but it's been six months and his friends had started giving him pointed nudges to get out there again. Heather Says: Told you it wouldn't be the last you saw of entanglednow. I actually think that this might be my favorite fic that they've written? Which is saying a lot because I will scream it to the rafters that any Steddie fan should read their fic. But this is FUN HOUSE MIRROR MAZE and MISTAKEN IDENTITY KISSING. Guys, I have no chill about this fic. I have no chill about Steve's hands in Eddie's hair, or the sounds that he makes, or the smell of strawberry. It is just so so good.
11. the most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it’s you by @greatunironic | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 35k
Sixteen years after the world didn't end for the last time, Max Mayfield showed up on Steve’s doorstep and said, “You gonna walk me down the aisle in May or what?” Or, it’s 2002 and Steve Harrington attends a wedding, a funeral, and a birth. Heather Says: I genuinely do not think that I have words for this one. It is one of those all encompassing fics that sucks you in and just won't spit you out again. It hurts, an ache just under the breastbone. But god, it's so beautiful.
12. Fight Night by @rlnerdgirl | Teen Wolf | Derek/Stiles | 12k
Stiles starts fighting in college. He doesn't tell anyone. Heather Says: There are three...? Yeah, three Teen Wolf fics on this list. Three. Like it's 2015 again. Like my brain broke and time went ticking all the way back to when I was ridiculously invested in these characters. But honestly? All three Teen Wolf fics on this list are incredibly therapeutic. They get to be the ending for me instead of whatever clusterfuck good ole Jeff tried to pull. This one in particular is fantastic because it's canon-divergence after SEASON one. Yes, we have Erica and Boyd. Yes, Stiles is BAMF. It's a good read.
13. strange fear i ain’t felt for years by Sister | Batman | Tim/Jason | 31k
“Can’t believe a pretty thing like you has to come begging to the Red Hood,” he says against Tim’s neck. “Thought they’d be lining up down the block for you. Thought Daddy would need to get the shotgun.” Heather Says: Oh look, another ship and fandom that I was only peripherally aware of that had me in a chokehold for a good month and a half. I don't even like DC that much.
14. Silver-Tongue by starkraving | Baldur's Gate 3 | Astarion/Karlach | 9k
Astarion fast-talks an abnormal number of enemies into killing themselves in the shadow-cursed lands and the team makes idle (then less idle) conversation about it. Heather Says: Okay, so I STILL have not finished this game. I have however very carefully consumed as much content as I can get my hands on without being completely and totally spoiled. This was the first fic that I really loved in this fandom. It's no surprise that I ship Astarion happily with everyone, but damn is he good with Karlach in this one. Their characterization is perfect.
15. A Sign of The Morning by ToEdenandBackAgain | Stranger Things | Eddie/Steve | 86k
Vecna is dead. The Upside Down is cut off from Hawkins yet again. Steve is trying to go back to normal, whatever that is. He's also trying to figure out exactly how Eddie Munson has managed to fit so easily into his life. Heather Says: Honestly? What can I say about this one? It has 19,000 kudos despite being published last June. It's on a ridiculous number of collection/rec lists. The tension is exquisite. The found family? Even better.
16. Phantom of Truth by Haiju | Danny Phantom | Maddie Fenton & Danny Fenton | 58k
Locked away in a secret government lab with Phantom as her sole object of study, nothing stands between Maddie and the truth... except, perhaps, herself. Heather Says: Oh look, another fandom that I have never ever been a part of. I saw this REALLY NEAT and angsty tiktok (tw for ghosty gore) and basically immediately was sucked into a show that I've never even watched before. The comments lead me to this fic which is perfectly gen, angsty, and honestly absolutely perfect. I cannot get over how much I loved this.
17. Manacled by senlinyu | Harry Potter | Draco/Hermione | 370k
Harry Potter is dead. In the aftermath of the war, in order to strengthen the might of the magical world, Voldemort enacts a repopulation effort. Heather Says: I did the thing. I read the incredibly dark fic that I've been avoiding since 2018. I typically steer-clear of anything that is overly bleak and I do not tiptoe into non-con waters often. But one of our groomsmen who isn't even involved with fandom read this so that his girlfriend would watch Star Wars with him and then spent a good portion of a Halloween party talking it up. So I gave it a shot. Over all, it is too bleak for me. That said, I finished it in a weekend. I loved it. I hated it. I wish I'd broken it up over a longer period of time because the emotional bleed off of it was intense.
18. Ready for Love by @idiopathicsmile | Singin in the Rain | Cosmo/Kathy/Don | 12k
Don and Kathy would move in together. They would have a dog or two and then inevitably, a small parade of adorable little brats who would call him Uncle Cosmo, and they would spend less and less time with him, not on purpose but busy with the rest of their lives, and ultimately Cosmo would learn to make his peace with it because he’d have no other choice and he would have to try to move on and not live too much in his memories. He could picture it so clearly, he figured if the songwriting gig with Monumental didn’t pan out, he could always return to the backwater circuit with a new act: The Amazing Cosmo of the Cosmos—ladies and gentlemen, he sees the future, he reads the stars, he silently pines for his best married pal and all the while tap dancing! Don and Kathy inviting him along on their honeymoon, though—that part was a surprise. Heather Says: I LOVE this movie. It is one of my biggest comfort movies. I watch it to feel happy. I watch it when I'm sad. And I have always shipped these three but NEVER read fic for it. And honestly? I'm glad I waited for a good fic to find me because this one was perfect.
19. A Series of Forgettable Events by @trensu | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 27k
Steve wanted to be a dad more than anything. Unfortunately, he was a single dude in his thirties which meant no adoption agency in the world was willing to give him a chance. Or at least no human adoption agency. Heather Says: Honestly just a delightful little jaunt in a world where Steve wants to be a dad, Eddie is a very overprotective siren, and the kids are, well. Little horrors. I love it. There's a sequel now which I am very patiently waiting to read it until I am less busy in RL.
20. the dry sand of daylight by @andthepeople | Inception | Arthur/Eames | 15k
Arthur is married to Eames for the better part of a decade. Then he wakes up. Heather Says: This fic left me ACHING for the Inception fandom circa 2010-2012. When livejournal was still a thing and the fandom community was alive and thriving. It is so achingly tender and perfect. I had forgotten how much I loved them.
21. brutalist masterpieces by @greatunironic | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 12k
Ten years on, in a town in Nova Scotia, on the edge of the Atlantic, Eddie finds Steve again, and also maybe himself. Heather Says: Maybe that's my thing this year. Achingly sweet tender pieces that leave you reeling in the aftermath. This fic is SO incredibly beautiful.
22. What Made Milwaukee Famous by synthetica | Danny Phantom | Vlad/Danny | 30k
Ten years after establishing a tenuous truce, Danny crash-lands at Vlad's Milwaukee lakehouse with a particularly nasty wound, three days recovery time, and absolutely nothing to do but talk to his long-lost archnemesis. Heather Says: I'm told that this is something of a rarepair. However, from the limited information that I have from the series I can say with full certainty that two ghostly beings locked for years as enemies growing up and meeting in the middle? Fully my thing.
23. then now and always by @raisesomehale | Teen Wolf | Derek/Stiles | 13k
Stiles is stuck. Stiles is stuck in the fucking snow in the middle of bum-fuck-nowhere at night with a broken down car three days before Christmas, and the nearest tow truck company—over fifty miles away—doesn’t open until morning. Heather Says: And here we have the promised third Teen Wolf fic, the most cathartic of the bunch. I am so so sweet on future fic particularly in this fandom with missed chances. And this one is just so syrupy sweet. It's winter! There's horses! Derek's an alpha! They smooch. Anyway, this is how I cope with a series finale that didn't happen and a movie that doesn't exist.
24. Terminus by @rcmclachlan | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 4k
"Keep me here," he begs against Mobius's lips. "You must keep me here." Heather Says: What do you mean you didn't spend all three replays of the Loki series finale weeping into a pillow? What do you mean you didn't spend the next few days trying to find the perfect coda? What do you mean that you didn't find this fic and positively expire from the sheer fucking tenderness in Mobius' voice? What do you mean? What. do you. mean? Anyway, I know I'm not supposed to have number one favorites. This list exists because I cannot condense it further than 25. But guys, this was my favorite fic this year.
25. Eye Of The Beholder by @entanglednow | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 22k
Eddie works himself up to ask Steve if he can borrow his instant camera, because the type of pictures he wants to take are…not the kind he can get developed in town. Heather Says: And to round it out, another Steddie. This one with sexy photos. The tension is killer.
#heather says what#top 25#year in review#fic recs#recommendations#2023#new year's memes#teen wolf#stranger things#loki#inception#supernatural#danny phantom#dc#harry potter
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2025 QL Anticipations, Wishes, and Resolutions
After wrapping up my top 10 list for 2024, it's time to look ahead to next year with my most-anticipated upcoming series, series I'm planning to catch up on, and some resolutions.
Top 5 anticipated series in 2025
Us (pilot trailer) / dir. Fon Kanittha (GMMTV) / adaptation / rumored for January: Emi Thasorn had her Mark Pakin moment last year—she was literally everywhere (Last Twilight, Beauty Newbie, Wandee Goodday, The Rebound, The Trainee, and currently in Perfect 10 Liners), and that has built up my anticipation for her first leading role. I don’t actually have super high expectations for the storytelling, as this is an adaptation of an author with certain weaknesses, but I’m hoping the simplicity of the plot allows the acting to shine, and I’m enticed by the potential of two fresh GL pairings in EmiBonnie and ViewMim (if they do end up as a side couple).
Khemjira (pilot trailer) / dir. Ron Patarapon + Aoftion Kittipat (Mandee Works) / adaptation / currently filming: I am not the biggest fan of Domundi/Mandee projects, but this feels a little different in scope and flavor, with the supernatural horror elements and a largely rural setting. Also, I can’t lie, I'm excited for the combo of KengNamping and TleFirstone. I have a weird little fascination with the entire [vague handwaving] of DMD The Friendship and TleFirstone are my third-gen blorbos; I suffered through the entirety of Secret Love just to see if they kissed good (they did). Also, with the musical talent here, if we don’t at least get a banger OST out of this show I’m going to be so mad.
Knock Out (pilot trailer) / dir. Tee Bundit (Deehup/WeTV) / adaptation / recently did fitting: Boxing/martial arts settings are gonna be everywhere in 2025 (there are at least two more QLs that I can think of), but the combination of Deehup production quality, WeTV je ne sais quoi, and a promising new acting pair in GunNice is just delicious, especially after seeing that pilot trailer. Tee Bundit excels in not only drawing out excellent physical intimacy but also making show settings feel lived-in, and the action scenes in Jack & Joker were pretty decent, so I'm excited to see how he brings a boxing gym with ties to the mafia underworld to life.
Love You Teacher (pilot trailer) / dir. Dome Jarupat (Parbdee/GMMTV) / original / script being written: Boy, was this ever the most willfully misinterpreted pilot trailer from the entire GMMTV25 event. This post beautifully sums up most of my thoughts on that matter, but I want to add that after two episodes of watching PerthSanta elevate the milquetoast Perfect 10 Liners with impeccable chemistry, my excitement for them in these specific roles has grown exponentially. Give me the sunshine/grumpy dynamics with a poignant exploration of devotion and care! And we know p'Dome will bring the poignancy.
Girl Rules (pilot trailer) / dir. Jojo Tichakorn (Moongdoo/GMMTV) / original script / most likely late 2025?: p'Jojo is bringing the gospel of messy gays to the sapphics this year, and I will be seated front-row for it. I already know that Milk Pansa playing a stone cold casanova bitch is going to be A Problem for me, and I am on my knees begging for some honest-to-god hatesex or spite-fucking, just give me a truckload of whatever they have going on:
(I didn't include series like Cranium, Ticket to Heaven, and Love of Silom, which have either already been slated for 2026 or could go either way. Or series that simply don't have enough info, like 8 Hours. Ggurhggh I'm hoping the last two I listed above make the cut...)
5 series to catch up on
Pluto: I watched the first ep and definitely wanted to continue, but the series ended up on the back burner due to time. I also thought it would be a good one to binge due to the melodrama of the storyline. From the gifsets I've seen, I'm in for some good fucking food.
Century of Love: Honestly, I'm kind of looking forward to DaouOffroad's next project a little more (I think they are going to thrive in the bodyguard dynamic), but I know I'll want to watch something lakorn-ish at some point, and CoL will scratch that itch.
Reverse 4 You: This seemed to fly under the radar in fandom circles, but the concept sounded interesting (it has speculative elements like time manipulation and precognition) and by all accounts the acting was really solid. I also have Apple My Love (Kongthup + Ormsin lead = winning combo in my world) on the list but this one is just a little more compelling so it will take precedence.
Blueming + Where Your Eyes Linger (movie version probably): After losing my mind over LFCT, I promised myself to finally finish off the Hwang Daseul cinematic universe this year. 🫡
The On1y One: I prefer to binge Taiwanese series, so it's nice to have this in the back pocket for a slow weekend or whatever. See Your Love is making me remember how much the pacing of TWBLs drives me nuts sometimes, so we'll see when I'm in the mood again...
2025 resolutions
Prioritize GL! This might be obvious from the series I mentioned above lol. I did such a bad job of this last year, but luckily GL seems to be a growing slice of the pie. The things I'm looking forward to: new pairings, messier dynamics (GIRL RULES), and hopefully more original scripts (GIRL RULES!!!!) as well. Pipe dream: CAN I GET ONE (1) NON-FEMME SAPPHIC CHARACTER PLEASE...
Watch a series outside of the big four markets (Thailand, Japan, Korea, Taiwan). There are a couple of completed Filipino series on my watch list, so it's just about making time for it.
Write more consistently about QL. I did participate in Tumblr discussions this year, albeit spottily, and I'd like to do it more! I tend to put my thoughts in tags rather than adding onto a reblog or commenting on a post, so let's see if I can break that habit and contribute more directly.
#us the series#khemjira#knock out the series#love you teacher#girl rules the series#anticipated ql#ql resolutions
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I can’t believe it’s over😭😭😭😭
What. A. Rollercoaster.
I laughed, I cried (my god there was so much crying) I was confused, I was angry, but overall I was so happy.
No notes for OonMay. They had their “I can’t think straight” book signing moment (May had her “gotta get my girl back” fit on and looked 🔥🔥🔥) that led them to getting back together and then got married. WHATS NOT TO LOVE!!!!
Oom getting MUCH NEEDED THERAPY!? I cheered! So happy for my girl ✊🏽🥹
Also, I refuse to accept that kos and oom got together, instead my headcanon is that oom and pim met at the wedding and immediately hit it off. Can’t change my mind!!! (Give me PimOom or give me death)
But like for real #LetKapookGetTheGirl2025 right!? Everyone gets their happy endings and pim gets what….A FUCKING APOLOGY EMAIL FROM HER BOSS????? Mhm that’s not right
The other part that doesn’t sit right with me is MAYS HORRIBLE TERRIBLE FATHER! That man should’ve been on the ground BEGGING for forgiveness like May was when she saw Ben. He sends May a picture of some flowers AND SUDDENLY WERE ALL GOOD!? They should’ve just left the parents out of it and had May become closer with the grandma instead.
But I digress
Us has some really big shoes to fill when they jump into plutos Saturday slot in the coming weeks!!!
-🤫
i can't believe we spent months waiting for this show and it was over in like a blink of an eye, i'm very serious. what do you mean we had them for 12 weeks? it didn't feel like it, anyway…
i love how may was, "oh yeah, as if she'll even sign this book for me", and proceeded to look hot as fuck for the book signing thing to win her woman back, and i respect that. she had a goal and said, "independently of the results, i'll look like stunning," and stunning she looked. oonmay are just so cute, man, that whole scene with oom asking her why there are 20 copies of her book in the house, and may going all, "🥺🥺 i wanna support you, am i not being sweet?" i wanted to eat her up right at that moment.
i said this last week i think. people were being very harsh on oom (which you know, understandable), but girl just woke up from a very traumatic experience. and she healed and learned as much as she could in the span of a year. i'm glad she got treatment and even enough to go back to a highly stressful job that is being a flight attendant.
i'm so sorry, but i laughed so hard when the whole kosol x oom scene happened. i didn't take any of that seriously tbh. i think they were scared to put namtan with another woman (kapook) in her first gl with film, but it would have worked just as fine since kosol and oom barely interacted before and there was no trace of anything between the two until that scene. in my head that didn't work out, and oom and pim are somewhere getting to know each other better.
again, for the last time hopefully. I HATE THE THROUPLE! maybe hate is a strong word bc i do like every part of this trio separately (even you pang, you have your moments of clarity), but god, what a turn off this storyline was. and sure jan, you didn't know if pim would make you wait for long and that's why you jumped to pang even though you didn't like her much at first? pim was right, you're both very much alike. love you all, wish you had more development.
well, see, what's better after traumatizing your kid her whole life other than suddenly having a change of heart and giving her girlfriend a plant for them to take care of? dude, i wish you were dead, i don't need your redemption, i need you not breathing. i'm serious. and the problem is that the mom eats it up and feeds may with delusions of her father changing with nothing to back him up. fuck that guy.
idk if you watched the trailer for us, but i can already tell it's going to be way more depressive than pluto despite bonnie's cute little 🥺🥺 face. and i say that fully aware that i managed to make a full gifset with only the crying scenes in the trailer of pluto.
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Multiple questions for you.
What were your thoughts on the Netflix castlevania show when you first discovered it?
How did you feel about the show when watching through each episode?
When did you realize the show was hopeless and would have zero redeeming qualities?
What are your overall thoughts on Netflix castlevania now?
1) I actually heard about it as it was airing - I vaguely remember posts related to Dracula and Lisa, or gifsets of the "I'm killing my boy" scene before I started playing the games. Needless to say, I heard nothing but good things, posts about how it was a great adaptation. I tried watching the first episode before getting into the games, but I got only confused and bored because of the CHURCH BAD scenes that had little to do with the plot lol. When I asked @spinningbuster98 (the friend who urged me to play the games) if it was worth watching it, his response was more or less "ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh", before sharing part of his grievances. At the time, I only vaguely understood the issues. After playing SoTN, CV3 and CoD, let's just say that everything became crystal clear.
The actual show turned out to be a much more unpleasant experience than simply "they fucked up the lore and the characters" could have prepared me for.
2) I actually have chronicled my first experience here :) as you can tell, while my criticism was not as well worded as I would phrase it today, it's proof that I only had a tolerable time in S1, and then things progressively got worse. Here's my second rewatch, if you're curious.
3) No doubt, S3 was my breaking point. S1 was mediocre but tolerable, S2 was boring and sluggish, but S3 was just a mean-spirited waste of time with a terrible, immature message and needlessly sadistic torture porn this side of an edgy fanfic. By the end I was so sick to my stomach, I really didn't want to watch S4, and to this day there are some episodes (mostly the ones focused on the Trepha plot) that I simply skipped because I just want it to be done.
4) That it's bad :P it's a bad adaptation, because it was obviously written by someone who only read the wiki and supervised by fans blinded by their own ego, people who didn't get the spirit of the original series and wrote a shallow Berserk ripoff with only the vague aesthetic of Castlevania: just the writing of the characters is appalling in how everyone was reversed for no reason, almost on purpose. And it's a bad story in itself, because it's rife with shocking writing mistakes, such as an over reliance on telling, glacial pacing, condescending hand holding to push you to think in a certain direction, long pretentious speeches to simulate depth, ridiculous amount of swearing (and even bland swearing) that doesn't fit the characters, dropped plot points, rushed plot lines, immense favoritism towards certain characters combined with the humiliation of others, a lack of focus in the last two seasons, and a general... mean mentality, that I can only describe as a combination of snobbish intellectualism, British imperialism, and victim blaming.
Aside from the cool fight scenes and the old-time fans who are so starved for CV content they'd eat dirt, I genuinely will never understand what people like about this show.
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Every month of 2023 ✨
Post your most popular and/or favorite edit/gifset for each month (it’s okay to skip months!)
thank you so much for tagging me zey [x] @smileytharn, mj [x] @forcebook, jessi [x] @daymork, and antania [x] @raypakorn ♥ it was so lovely to look through all of your creations! you've all worked hard during the past year and i hope i get to see more creations from all of you throughout this year ^^
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i'm collecting my creations for each month under the cut but let's look at some fun statistics at first! (inspired by antania's post ♥)
i created 68 edits
additionally, there were 5 photo collabs (jimmysea photoshoots)
and 4 text post meme posts (for last twilight)
the most edits i made in may (due to our skyy 2 episodes)
most of my edits were related to vice versa (13 in total)
the second most popular ones were bad buddy (8 edits) and last twilight (10 edits)
most of my edits were either lovely/warm or angsty
i got deep into episode edits this year
and also took inspiration from other than poetry and lyrics
thank you so much for being part of all this!
January
my most popular edit was this vegaspete set i made for @spicyvampire ♥ i actually like it a ton! but my personal favorite from this month is my bad buddy characters + the real 5 love languages set. i like the meme a ton and i loved how the set turned out (+ for me, it's super funny).
February
my most popular edit this month was the toddblack differences edit i made for @i-got-the-feels ♥ it was a very different type of edit and i'm very happy ppl liked it this much. personal favorite is this jimmy(sea) set for the varitda mv he/they appeared in. i loved the aesthetic of the mv and i feel like i captured that very well.
March
the most popular edit in march was my akkayan + one direction piece dedicated to @fitfmybeloved ♥ i think i need to make something else with a similar style sometime. my favorites would be the puen & talay's top 10 outfits edits which technically happened in february and march. i had a ton of fun with them and i honestly adore looking at the results.
April
my birthday month! the most popular creation was my beyond evil edit which was interesting to make according to @nongnaos's request ♥ i had never edited this show (or any kdrama) before and i also struggled a bit with figuring out the layout. it's a very simple set but felt fitting. my favorite this month would be this puentalay set made for you antania ♥ it took a lot of time, especially all the coloring, but it was worth every second! (special mention for my sea bday set which i still cannot believe the bday boy actually saw and liked on twt ;; i love him so much!)
May
i think it's very deserved that my most popular edit in may was this puentalay one for my our skyy 2 episode edits series. it's for the first vice versa episode and tbh also my personal favorite out of all those episode edits i made ^^ the coloring just worked super well there. my true favorite of the month was the pran's life anthem edit i made for @pransobrave ♥
June
as is fitting for pride month, my most popular edit and also my personal favorite was my our skyy 2 couples edit where i tried to describe all of their different loves through the colors of a rainbow. it was a lot of fun to do!
July
the most popular edit this month was the pran set i made for @punpunsutatta ♥ i had a lot of fun with this one bc i got to try some new things with it. personal faves and my peak as an editor (in my own opinion) were the two puentalay edits i made this month. this sam smith song inspired one i made for you zey ♥ i adore the layout and the colors, it makes me think about vintage images and letters. and this other one was born bc the quote haunted me. i love the pink in it a lot, it's so soft.
August
for august, i felt like i was making a ton of things even if i didn't have the energy or the time. in reality, i didn't make that many but i made a couple of very big sets. one of them and the most popular one this month was my winteam set made for @jimmysea ♥ making it took some research and then i had to go through the episodes a little while i searched for the fitting scenes. personal favorite was this akktheo set bc it turned out looking very cute. i think it captures their feeling as a couple and their story well. special mention for my jimmy bday set bc i poured my heart into it ♥ i love this man so much (and i currently wish he is fine and gets well soon, he's apparently in the hospital ;;)
September
things got hectic in september as i started my internship and had to travel around a lot. i was too tired to do much else but work and study and watch dramas without any brain. that's why i only made two edits. my most popular set was my last request edit for my event. it was patpran with the lyrics from ford arun's song come closer and made for @celestial-sapphicss ♥ i love the colors in this so much. personal favorite, only barely, is still my puentalay + 8 types of love set. i had a blast making it as a kind of collab with @dimpledpran who made the patpran version!
October
made only two edits (or well, one cut into two parts) in october too due to being very busy and tired. they were quite big tho bc i used a long while gathering material for them. it was its own type of research project when i wrote down all the times puentalay told each other 'i love you' without saying those exact words to each other. i struggled with the layout too as mimi can probably remember :'D but i love these sets a lot so they're both my favorite and most popular ♥
November
finally in november last twilight came to save all of us and so it's no wonder i created a lot for that during this month :'D i honestly wished to make more but i was still mostly busy with my internship and with starting my thesis. my most popular one was this last twilight trailer edit. i think it was fun to kind of make it similar to my mock trailer edit all that time ago. my personal favorite is the mork + linkin park edit that probably caters to only myself lol. am honestly obsessed with each song mentioned in this bc i can see it with mork so well. it was a relief to get that one out.
December
haven't really had the time to dive as deep into last twilight and make as many edits for it as i'd wanted due to using most of december to catch up on sleep and all the studying i couldn't do during my internship, but hopefully now i'll have more time to devastate yall ♥ the most popular post was this last twilight + random tweets thing and my personal favorite is the only morkday quote edit i've managed so far. i love the colors and the whole concept to bits, and cannot wait to make more ^^
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thank you if you read this far! i'm not sure who hasn't been tagged yet bc i'm a bit late with this one but if you have done this already, you can always send it my way! i almost demand you do. i love appreciating all your art ♥
tagging: @dimpledpran @jimmysea @moonkhao @chinzillas @khaotunqs @pranink @dengswei @taeminie @psychic-waffles (i'd love to see your art!) @yilinglaozu @eohachu @difanghua @mooninagust @namchyoon ♥
#tag game#what a year it has been huh#tbh i love most of my edits this year#i had a lot of fun with the requests#they pushed me into thinking outside the box#and trying new things a lot#so thank you everyone for joining in ♥#last twilight#vice versa#bad buddy
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IT'S TIME FOR. a star trek update. and BOY am i behind. wednesday we watched tng's "frame of mind," friday we watched ds9's "progress" and tng's "suspicions," and last night we watched ds9's "if wishes were horses." i am so thrilled to announce that despite the high amount of episodes including tng episodes i have almost NOTHING to complain about this update. like a little, but not much.
frame of mind (tng):
first of all we must acknowledge this gifset, which according to the timestamp i saw with my eyeballs near the end of january which (and i checked) was right after the episode where picard is like yeah worf should kill himself. IN the course of the episode worf asks riker to assist with his suicide which is both the most horrible and romantic thing that's ever happened with them. so i went into the ship tag. found it most bereft except for this gifset. i have been DYING to know for a MONTH AND A HALF what's going on in this ep. i finally cracked recently and read the summary which only made me more excited.
so. drumroll. DID THE EP DELIVER..............???
yes.
yes, with VERY minor caveats.
i think my only real complaint about this episode is that it was a me problem. like i was picturing some scene where worf tenderly (for him) talks riker down from a fit of madness and also he was the real worf. i built it up too much in my head. that's not what happened. in my mind palace it is. i'm a little tempted to do a rewrite of it to make it happen but i barely have time to breathe so that will remain a wistful thought for now. like, i knew the enterprise setting wasn't real, but regardless of the amount of worf/riker (e deanna) ship content it was just kind of disappointing to learn that the mental facility was ALSO not real because the worf and data that rescued riker were not real and the beverly that snuck in to see him was also not real and his experiences there also weren't "real" in the physical sense, even though he very much did still experience them. very "it was all a dream!" of them
OTHER THAN THAT. i was really into it. i loved everything about it. i loved riker's break from reality. i loved that crazy lady with the spoon. i loved how even data got weirded out at riker's antics. i love that the part of riker that is his feelings is represented by deanna and the part of him that is action is represented by worf WORF E RIKER E DEANNA REAL! i didn't like picard being his logic. spock should be everybody's logic. get that guy outta here
also, what a great touch to have very chill very normal very laid back riker be like yeah if i don't tear this set apart with my bare hands before i sleep i really WILL go crazy 🙃
side var didn't beverly say people were coming to clean it up in the morning...what happened to the ship cleaning itself smh. justice for the invisible janitors and housekeepers of starfleet
also, why did this episode make me slightly into riker and beverly as friends with benefits...the whole trill boyfriend situation adds so much fun complication to that as well depending on a multitude of varying and equally valid interpretations of that event. like, girl, forget picard's two-timing ass. what's he ever done for you except knock you up with an affair baby. join the worf e riker e deanna polycule. they could make better husbands. shit, i could make a better husband. forget him girl! you don't need him
progress (ds9):
holy fucking shit.
this episode BLEW me away. easily a must-see on my spreadsheet, when i (eventually?) catch up. every single thing they do with kira is AMAZING.
the old guy was so instantly likable. he was likable even when he was being sexist BECAUSE he was being sexist specifically to wind kira up because kira was playing bad guy. their chemistry was so good. i was just as worried about him as kira was the whole episode long
what a brilliant way to discuss war, not by showing the violence or the gore or the death but by simply showing us this guy who won't leave his farm and sleeptalks during his nightmares and these other two who can't speak but WILL kill you with pitchforks. like, you have "chain of command" with picard and the four lights and then you have this, and both of them are so important in our understanding of the cardassians and what they do.
sisko was so absolutely kind to kira. like, he outlined her struggle perfectly - she's no longer the underdog, and in some ways that sucks, because she now has no idea how to behave. her morals and her logic and her heart are all telling her different things.
AND LIKE. SISKO. KNEELING DOWN. TO BE EYE TO EYE WITH HER. i cannot possibly express how important that is. HE IS SO GOOD!!!
i'm actually really glad she got teary eyed but DIDN'T cry. we just watched her ugly cry in that episode with kai opaka and i think to do it twice together so soon would have been too much. but it DID need that emotional beat, and they struck the perfect balance.
the through-line of the fucking kiln. every time i saw them building it. wah.
the ending was so shocking and so horrible...actually, my one tiny nitpick with this ep is that there wasn't really the proper setup for it. the air will be poison if those guys tap the moon, but surely the ostensible utopian starfleet is not gonna tap it with even one holdout...? though i guess bajor isn't in starfleet proper? tng often has too MUCH technobabble and exposition but this didn't have quiiite enough - i feel like forcefields or masks or other scifi tech might have solved this problem and i didn't REALLY believe the only two solutions were to let this guy die on the moon or forcibly relocate him, especially when kira brought up a slower way to get the energy they needed - but maybe that's the point, that she ended the fight before it could become one, idk. i also wish he had said "as long as this house is still standing" a little earlier - having him say it right before the end sort of gave away what kira was gonna do before she did it, though i DIDN'T expect her to start with the kiln.
other than though it was so good. it says so much about the nature of the cardassians as a group, and bajorans as a group, and about kira herself.
also, sorry, jacket coming off hot.
suspicions (tng):
THERE WERE SO MANY WOMEN IN THIS EPISODE??? let's count
beverly, and it's a beverly-centric episode
hot klingon lady who threw beverly around like a sack of flour (again: beverly is bicurious)
VERY snooty vulcan lady with the human??? husband????? sorry but doesn't he have a refractory period how do they get BY during pon farr? ok. none of my business. moving on
nurse ogawa who helped commit women's wrongs
guinan, beverly's confidant and pretend tennis elbow haver...
deanna also had a few lines which i'm choosing to count in the spirit of things
also, that green alien guy? long feng from atla.
anyway, i was tickled with this episode. not only because they finally wrote a ferengi who isn't racist, showed another vulcan/human couple, included a bunch of women, AND gave beverly the main role, but also because the mystery was perfectly done. it gave us just enough information to stay interesting, and i figured out long feng faked his own death RIGHT before the reveal - not early enough to bore me but early enough to make me feel smart
i didn't really understand why beverly chose to end ferengi racism in a field that she wasn't even in but i support her so much. also, she got to do an illegal autopsy and steal a fucking shuttle. GOOD for her
again i want to state that this klingon lady TOSSED HER AROUND it was so fucking sexy. get it beverly. i so rarely have so much fun with a tng episode and we got two good ones in a row!!
if wishes were horses (ds9):
this is a sequel to an episode of tos i mostly don't like, "shore leave." tng also had a "shore leave episode" (the one where picard's mom showed up and i think some ensign got spliced into the floor) so we have done "our thoughts manifest as reality" twice now and i assume will continue to do it in every star trek series going forward. so far i have not liked any of these episodes because of the redundant and irrelevant nature of them (oh look! a random tiger!) but ds9's is probably my favorite out of the three
i just feel like you have the potential to get so real and do such character work when thoughts are manifested as reality and instead it's always this crazy shit. i think tng tried to do it with more gravitas, but it's tng and early tng at that, so i've yet to see star trek do one of these successfully and i doubt i ever will.
ANYWAY. number one complaint with this is of course the fake dax. i think it's really funny that she keeps gently but firmly shooting julian down, and while julian is a likable cringefail loser i NEVER saw him as a creep, not even with repeated attempts to ask her out...and then this happened, and it was very touch and go for a second there. i'm glad his instinct was to fight dax when she was compromised, really horrified when he "gave in," and then was extremely relieved when they were interrupted. he tried i guess. i'm gonna try not to hold it against him. if i can forgive geordi i can forgive julian.
we ALMOST got it working right. dax was like you know julian in a way i kind of feel like we invaded YOUR privacy it's not as though you can help having fantasies and they should have been safe in your head which was like. ok great take actually! we are being adults! but then the fake one showed back up and tried to pick a catfight with the real one and SSSSIGH
keiko and o'briens little daughter is SO cute. i mean she is SO fucking adorable. rumpelstiltskin was easily the dumbest part of this episode but that little baby is so adorable it was almost worth it to see her. i also didn't like that obrien didn't immediately say no as a kneejerk reaction to selling his daughter. girl what's wrong with you
i DON'T like that there's no baseball in the future. number one i refuse to believe americans could ever fall out of love with baseball even if it's only in a "let's bring back this vintage game" kind of way and number two it's one of the only sports i kind of like and understand. sisko being a nerd about an ancient dead sport is so funny though. good for him.
THAT SAID. i was kind of hoping sisko would see his dead wife. we got a great little moment where kira imagined an explosion and a guy on fire, which touched on something she probably actually has seen, and it was a fun way to give a stupid and silly concept some gravitas, but when everything got quiet there at the end i was expecting sisko's wife and no, it was just mr baseball again
shoutout also to odo running around with two real live birds on that set, quark fucking the birds after they turned into ladies, and then odo imagining quark in jail. truly a series of events, though given quark offering to make him a changeling lady friend in the holosuite (refreshing that at least in ds9 they acknowledge it as a sex toy), i kind of expected a serious moment with him too where he got his wish unwillingly.
and finally, i had SUCH a hard time following the plot of this episode.
the ending of this...eh. the power of positive thinking got rid of the rift = funny? the power of positive thinking is why a bunch of aliens showed up to wreak havoc = ehhhhh. the closest we came to having that serious moment i wanted was kira's .5 second scene and it JUST wasn't long enough. probably my least favorite ds9 episode yet, if we don't count the one with q, but still not as excruciating as some of tng's duds - it was entertaining enough not to make me hate existing for a single watch.
TONIGHT: tng's "rightful heir" (worf episode???👀) and ds9's "the forsaken" (deeply not looking forward to this...the summary says LWAXANA TROI is supposed to be mencing my best boy odo. please save him please get the tng out of my ds9 please please pleeease)
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trials (and errors) - masterpost
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | AO3
Exiled from the public's eye, young Marisa Coulter is preparing to go and stand trial for adultery. On the other side of Oxford, young lord Asriel Belacqua is preparing to go and stand trial for murder. A lot has been said about how 'as soon as they met, they fell in love'. That is exactly what made the rest of it so hard.
I've posted excerpts from it here, here, here, here and here.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f12bf9210f8a7e2b608f4d095daa5116/d8f86f59fe9f24de-5f/s400x600/c9fdaa743413b10d1623b28b6da3c7af702233eb.webp)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ddfca4d19dc82c8f39a129fd1832b67d/d8f86f59fe9f24de-4a/s400x600/d09e06b3377b4703f8b043f2256a0fb564c9307e.webp)
gifs by the absolutely bonkers incredible @tragicotps because i am still in awe you would even do something like that! 💛 | the whole gifset here |
Behind-the-scene stuff includes:
I wanted a scene where, at trial, a question is raised about whether or not Marisa has ever furthered her crimes by trying to get rid of a child before it was born. I had a flashback scene in mind where Asriel offer to go north, for witches have many practices men consider heretic, while Marisa hesitates, but ultimately refuses. I thought it was neat that she had a chance, but didn't take it, because it's her and Asriel's baby that was in question. In the end, I cut it because yikes progressive much, also it just didn't fit in the general flow very well.
I LOVE Marisa and Thorold's interactions. One of the drafts for the last chapter was that they kept meeting by chance, with scarce chances to talk, but that Thorold was Marisa's last thread to Asriel and she kinda missed the old man himself. Thorold's affection for Marisa is !!!!! in my head. It didn't work out, but Thorold became that fateful person to bring Marisa Coulter to life - and to her path.
Another draft for the last chapter included Marisa returning to the Institute OR the Council meeting where she proposes the 'silver cages' and their bullshit benefits. It didn't work out because I never knew what gave her an idea in this case.
I desperately wanted to get Masriel one last meeting. It wasn't too realistic cause their feelings got really rough & hard over the years with blame and stuff, so a softer goodbye wasn't working out. If it was, it would be Marisa also returning to the Institute and taking Asriel's office while he's up north. She'd found the first of Lyra's photos. Asriel would have to come and take them upon his return, yada-yada, conversations, but it would be linked to the way she looked at Lyra's photos in Asriel's journal in the series. le sigh
I love the monkey? And the kind of relationship Marisa has with him? It's especially interesting in their youth because the rules haven't been formed yet. Anyways, it's way more fascinating in my head than in the writing but just know that it's good :D
#i love those bastards SO much ugh#still going strong#hdm#hdm fic#his dark materials#trials and errors fic#masriel#young masriel#marisa coulter#asriel belacqua#marisa x asriel#asriel x marisa
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I'm not sad, I just feel empty. I have moments of the excitement that just fizzle away after 10 minutes when I've moved onto focus other things. I can be excited for other people's things, I think because it's easier to rally the enthusiasm and maintain it for that, but the inner enthusiasm is something I can't hold onto rn cause you know, depression.
So I hyperfocus on you know *holds up babies* because that's a solid dopamine hit (and also I'm just getting to the meat and excitement of the story things are moving and happening, etc). Which makes sense!
So the photographer and my realtor are at the condo today and the listing should go up today or tomorrow. My period is almost done so I can go ahead and sign up for planet fitness. I need to fix my masterclass login (I didn't mean to use google to sign in). I need to, you know, leave my house. I think being sick isn't helping and I just hit the burn out exhaustion phase at the end of december like a lot of us did. Not burn out from writing, but just from everything else. Like the last two weeks of december were exhausting and then I got sick and so of course I feel bad and icky and all that stuff.
It's weird to think that this is how I spent the majority of my life constantly feeling, which I suppose is how this largely snuck up on me in a way I didn't quite realize. Which says a lot for how far I've come and how well I've done, but also just... managing. And therefore underscoring that it was a good idea to move back in with my parents so I'm not alone in the house with my pets and no human interaction.
Good news is joey and I figured out the screencapping issue yesterday so now I just need to muster the motivation to work on that lil gifset I wanted to do. But they both have so little footage so I have to figure out what I'm trying to do.
#tbd#thoughtful thoughts for this wednesday#tw depression#I guess#I'm doing laundry!#so when that's all done I'll get outta these sweatpants#and I'll even put on a bra like a chaos gremlin
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I saw that you have a otp tag for Rory and Logan, but don’t have one for literati. Did you want them to end up together? I’m just asking because you’re always making literati edits and I’ve never seen a rogan one from you, so I was a little surprised when I noticed that haha
Oh, yeah, I've gone into this before! I don't really consider myself a literati "shipper", mainly cause I don't really engage in the romantic aspect of their relationship like that, if that makes sense? But I love both Rory and Jess as characters so much and their relationship with each other is really important in examining who they are and how they evolve. So, I consider myself more of a literati studier lol. And, yes, I also do not want them to end up together. Because I don't think it's a fitting ending for either of them (notice how all of my literati gifsets are angsty ones about why they didn't work out). At the end of the day, to me, the truth is that Jess was always going to leave and Rory was never going to be able to look past that. This doesn't make their relationship less meaningful, though. I actually think that Jess, out of all of her boyfriends, had the biggest impact on Rory as a person. Sometimes things are meant to be, but not meant to last.
As for rogan, I do consider myself a shipper, though I don't want them to be endgame, either. My ideal ending is the exact one we got — Rory ending the show single — so I'm pretty happy lol. But if I had to choose one of Rory's boyfriends for her to end up with, I would definitely choose Logan.
I'd actually really like to gif rogan someday, I'm just not as familiar with that part of the show cause I've seen it less. And I also relate to Jess so much that inspiration for edits for him and literati comes quite naturally to me. When I get to season five in my rewatch, though, I'll sure be giffing tons of their moments and might then get some ideas for edits to a song or a quote as well!
#as always i'm totally fine with people disagreeing with me#all opinions are welcome here as long as you're being nice about it!#gilmore girls#jess mariano#rory gilmore#rogan#mal answers
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hi friends 🩵
it is now day 4 of being sick and i feel much better. if you couldn't tell, i just posted 3 gifsets! even though i slept terribly last night, i was going hot and cold, i swear i had a fever, i kept getting up to pee, and had some coughing fits. BUT i woke up feeling better! my super sexy sick voice made me sound worse than i felt. but as we're approaching the end of this night, i'm mostly congested, coughing, AND i didn't take a nap today!
i'm hoping to get more sets done tomorrow and i'm hoping that i feel even better tomorrow when i get up.
i hope you have a merry christmas, if you celebrate. happy kwanzaa, again if you celebrate. please stay safe out there, make good choices, and stay hydrated my friends! 🩵
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top 5 ouat characters?
Thanks for the question !
1. Emma Swan - Funny story I was a KJ stan first and foremost at the beginning. liked her just fine I just didn't really identify with her but becoming a CS fan, I started following blogs that were more centered around her + the fact that some people really didn't like for no reason she became my fave
2. Killian Jones - He's so my type as a male character it's not funny. Handsome asshole with a heart of gold who worships the ground of the women he fall in love with ??? HELL YEAH He's an asshole but respects women ???? HELL YEAH You can't give me a character who hides his pain under a cocky exterior and not expect me to fall in love with him
3. Rumplestiltskin - He is the best villain of the show (followed closely by Peter pan). I loved his sacrifice in season 3A it was so fitting (him ending the father-son cycle) and he should have stayed dead. That's the only redeeming storyline I liked for him. If they really wanted to keep him, and I understand Robert Carlyle is a great actor, they should have commited and made him iredeemable until the end.
Ok for the last two I'm going to be honest it has been tough to choose because it has been a long time since I've watched the show in it's entirety and not just snippet of scenes to make Emma Swan/Capain Swan gifsets so all the other characters are kind of a blur (except the ones I really don't like lol) so the next time I rewatch the show these 4 & 5 could change
4. Snow White I really loved her in season 1&2 but after that unfortunately I did not care for the storylines they gave her so it was hard to still care about her but I love the character development bewteen and Regina it was really cool to see these two get closer.
5. Ruby Lucas - I really liked the twist of her being the wolf and LOVED the S1 episode that was centered on her especially her storyline in Stoybrooke (her thinking she's too incompetent to help Emma is too real for me) They could have done so much more with her in later seasons, I wish they kept her as a main character. Also I still think she could have been the perfect beast for the beauty and the beast story, Meghan Ory and Emilie De Ravin had great chemistry.
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This is a true fandom story and idk if it will make sense if you don't know the source material but it BAFFLES me but I Think also sheds a bit of light on the whole "fandom doesn't know what platonic means" thing.
I was discussing in a discord (a fandom discord, in fact, but for a media property than the one this story is about) a book that had recently been adapted to film. The central character of the book has a close male best friend whom he canonically routinely had sex with while intoxicated which they then do not acknowledge in the sober light of day. When they parted ways, thinking it was to be for the last time, one of them kisses the other goodbye, and the other has mixed feelings about this, wondering if this makes him "a queer" but also, a part of him wanting to say he loves him.
This person on the fandom discord was saying how the book was "a bit gay" but that the movie was "even gayer". What the movie did was strip most of that out. They impulsively kiss goodbye but there's absolutely none of this other context around it - certainly not the sex, but also none of the confusion, the mixed emotions, etc.
Suddenly in that moment I realised that this flattening of the idea of a storyline between two men being "a bit gay" kind of had the same root as attributing "gayness" to two men interacting casually/platonically. It isn't really about what is happening in the storyline for any of these men. It's about how easy it is to take screenshots and make gifsets that fit a preconceived idea. The actual content of the story could be different in either direction and for certain kinds of fan engagement that does not matter.
You explained this very well and I think you really got at something! I was just thinking about the abstract, vibes-based meaning of "gay" in fandom that may or may not have anything to do with two people of the same gender being in a sexual or romantic relationship. In my opinion, the recent popularity of "gay sex" as a phrase was a response to this, but it's undergoing the same abstraction process. The same thing shows up in "this too is yuri."
With m/m shipping in particular, it's often more about fitting stock gay narratives than interpretations that fit the story or anything to do with the specific characters. One of the best parts of Gonchrarov was watching the Goncharov/Andrey ship evolve around a set of very popular beats when the movie didn't even exist. You don't need the source material! Screenshots and gifsets tell the whole story!
I personally find this flattening in all its forms kind of devastating. It's the exact opposite of what I want out of gay content! I want all kinds of different, richly textured stories!
Also I'm obsessed with people declaring the adaptation where two men didn't have sex more gay. That's so incredibly online.
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Top 5 gifsets you ever made
Ooh!!! :3
This Soma edit that I made for a gaming gif event for a favorite quote! I think this will always be my favorite because it's Soma, but I also feel like I let myself be creative with the typography and split gif effects and it turned out pretty well. :')
This edit for The Last of Us Part II, which also mixed in lyrics from "What Could Have Been" from Arcane. I think the song fits these two well, and I feel like I did a decent job with the coloring and text/scene splitting effects.
This Cyberpunk 2077 edit, using the Phantom Liberty credits. I LOVE screening effects in case that wasn't obvious, and I think I chose good scenes! (IMO this would've done numbers back in the day, but... Tumblr...)
This Mirror's Edge Catalyst color palette edit! Probably one of the better one's I've done because I didn't rely on using full layer masks and actually chose scenes that were close to the desired color already.
This (very recent) Mirror's Edge Catalyst edit where I showcased my top 5 locations. :) I did somewhat better with adhering to a color palette for each location, and had a lot of fun revisiting the game and writing something about each section.
#delzinrowe#ask#ask meme#thank you stef!!!#recency bias absolutely is affecting my choices but it's not like i remember every gifset i've ever made#although i'd include some of the ones from my own overwatch gameplay on the list if it were longer hehehe
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i just realized i told someone in the replies of my last rb that my next disney gifset would include wendy and then it. didn't. because i couldn't find a good scene that really fit the set :( wendy i'm so sorry
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