#didn't do it today bc of STUPID emotions

[nervocat]

Gonna try to go to bed now

[girlivealwaysbean]

hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now

[indigodawns]

.

[luveline]

idk if you would write for this I checked your guidelines and wasn’t sure but I would LOVE a pregnancy scare with Aaron (May be reader is younger than him?)! And she’s just panicked bc he’s older and already has a kid and etc and the test can be pos or neg totally up to you!

thank you for requesting! 1.3k, fem (possibly) pregnant!reader

cw reader's and hotch's attitude towards pregnancy is mostly positive

Your period is twelve days late. 

That is not a small amount of time. 

You don't notice it at first, and when you do you figure it's a few extra days without an irksome pain, a balm to soothe the ache of your absent boyfriend and a hard job, but when Aaron comes home from a case and you still haven't started your period, the panic begins to set in. 

You have a hard time keeping things from him for obvious reasons. His being a human lie detector felt fascinating when you first met, but now it's making things worse. You would've liked some time to yourself for denial, only he can always tell when something is wrong, though it's clear to you he's not sure exactly what it is. He'll realise eventually, you know. 

"Let's go to the store," he suggests, his hand flirting with the back of your neck. "You always feel better after a sweet treat." 

You've been to the store today, unbeknownst to him, for some emotional support chocolates and a small box you'd rather not think about. You'd hoped that he might get called away to give you time to open it, but without him you're not sure you have the strength. 

You hadn't expected to feel this way. You want desperately to tell him, but you're just so, so scared. 

"I don't feel like going anywhere." 

He hums as his hand moves to your shoulder, squeezing a loving path down to your hand. Jack bangs a toy down in his bedroom across the way, and the washing machine spinning from the utility closet sounds louder than it ever has before, like a rocket about to erupt. You don't know what it is that gets you, but suddenly you're overwhelmed, a confession stuck in the back of your throat as Aaron meets your panicked gaze. 

"What's wrong?" he asks. "Here, honey, sit down." 

He guides you to a kitchen chair. 

"What's wrong?" he asks again, bending at the waist. 

Your head rushes with white noise for a second. You wet your chapped lips with the tip of your tongue; you've missed your period, but it isn't that alone that scares you. Perhaps in an instance of a psychosomatic symptom, you feel weird, other. Something has changed. And you're starting to feel sick. 

"Aaron, I don't know what to do," you say. 

His eyes widen with an expression you don't often see. "Has something happened?" 

It's so, so hard to say. "I think I've messed up." 

"Not in any way I can't fix." 

"Maybe I have," you say miserably, panic hot behind your eyes. 

He shakes his head. "You haven't. I swear you haven't. Please, tell me what's wrong before I have a heart attack." 

You can't say it while he's looking at you, and when you do it's hardly audible. "I think I'm pregnant," you breathe. 

Aaron pauses. You can't even raise your head, anxiety its own heartbeat and nausea rising fast. You let out a gasp you'd held in and try to calm down, even while every little part of you worries about what he's going to say. 

You don't know if you want to be pregnant, or have a baby, but you know it would probably break your heart just a touch if Aaron didn't want to have one with you. You're not sure why. And Jack is a beautiful kid but he's growing up. Aaron isn't young. 

"How sure are you?" he asks, tone completely measured. 

"I… I feel it," you say. "I know that's stupid… 'N my period is really late, nearly two weeks now." 

"You feel it?" 

"I feel sick." Your elbows on your thighs and the backs of your hands pressed to your eyes, you curl in on yourself. "I'm so scared." 

"You're scared?" Hands on your forearms. Aaron gets down on his knees in front of your chair and rubs fondness into your skin, his voice a soothing, familiar comfort as he says, "Sweetheart, you have nothing to be scared of. Don't be scared. I'm right here." 

Tears like a shock, relief and horror mixed into one. "I'm so stupid, I haven't even taken the test yet, I don't know why I'm acting this way." 

"We all react differently to foreign situations than how we might imagine. What's important now is that you take a breath, because otherwise you'll panic." 

While you're afraid of what he's thinking, you trust him implicitly. "Okay." 

"Okay," he says, pulling your hands away from your face. "Just breathe, honey." 

He's more patient than you knew another person could be. He wipes your straggling tears with his hand without a word, his breath coming in even inhales and exhales for you to follow. The small spike of panic swiftly melds to plain old tears. You're embarrassed. You're unhappy. You and Aaron certainly weren't trying for this occasion. 

"What are you scared of?" he asks eventually. 

"Of you. Of what you're thinking, and– and what if I– I mean, what if I'm pregnant?" you ask, as though pregnant is a new word. When you said it at first, you'd meant, what if we end up having a baby together? But now you're more inclined to think about the process itself. What if you're physically pregnant? 

"Well, you have absolutely no reason to be scared of me. I love you." Aaron puts his hand just under your ear, his thumb to your cheek. "Whatever happens. Nothing else matters to me besides you." 

"Because you want a baby," you say unhappily. 

"Who says I don't?" He smiles at you softly. "I think we should've had this conversation a long time ago, but the long and short of it is that I love you. I love you and I'll do what you need me to." 

"I figured you'd be done having babies," you say, still hesitant. 

"Evidently not." He laughs, and you laugh back and he acts like you've hung the moon. "If you're scared of being pregnant, maybe you should take the test before you wind yourself up, hm?" 

"I guess I'm acting pretty silly, huh?" you ask, sniffling and wiping your eyes, the two of you caught in breathy laughter again. 

"Hormonal, maybe," he says. "Don't be scared. I don't want you to be scared." 

"What do you want?" you ask. 

"I just want you to stop crying. It's not right…" He strokes your damp cheek. "If I'm honest? If you take that test, and you aren't pregnant, or if you don't want to have a baby," —his face is calm, a small smile playing on his lips— "then I don't want you to, either." 

"But if I am?" you ask. 

"Then I will be so, so happy, because it's you." 

A missed period isn't necessarily indicative of pregnancy, and you could be freshly pregnant or four whole weeks and the test could still come out negative. Maybe your weird feeling is indigestion. Whatever happens, you really believe that the man in front of you is here for whatever answer you find. 

"I love you."

"I love you, too," he says, bone deep sincerity turned to something lighter, fondly teasing as he lifts himself up and hugs you close. "You know that." 

You let him hold you for a little while, calming down, looking at the positives and all your options. "You think Jack would be happy?" 

"He'd love a brother or sister… eventually." 

You wipe your tears and runny nose in his shirt and he does you the generosity of pretending not to notice. If you are going to have anyone's baby, you'd want it to be his. 

[allfearstofallto]

College au is so delicious bc you can have Childe having to deal with the fact that you don't like him. Whether it be his sus vibes or how...dead his eyes look, you just don't like him. So you avoid him like the plague to save the both of you from any trouble.

But the thing is, he likes you and he's sure he can make you feel the same way about him. You'll come around, he's sure of it.

Just Childe engaging in pest behavior is all I can think about for this au

-🐇

Writing Childe without his power and assets is so goddamn challenging, but also so fun!

He's such a pest though. That pretty face can get him so damn far, I'm sure of it. I have to think about how easily I fell for Childe before it was revealed that he was super fucking evil, so obviously it wouldn't be hard for him to develop a pretty powerful influence with enough smiles.

Childe <3

College AU

Yandere! Childe x Fem! Reader

You don't like Ajax? Or Childe as they called him. A stupid nickname, but one he apparently earned. Where he got it from to even who he was, you truly didn't care. You didn't like him and apparently that was a problem with everyone, but you.

You were okay with not having a relationship with him. The campus was big enough where you didn't have to see him if you didn't want to and you both studied different majors, although you put more time and effort into your study. He spent most of his energy on being the life of the party.

People didn't understand why you didn't like Ajax, apparently just saying that you found him creepy wasn't enough of an answer.The Ajax who made an effort to always invite you out? The Ajax who always wanted to walk you to and from classes even though you never told him your schedule? The Ajax who was the only person to buy you gifts for Valentine's, heart shaped, lavish chocolates and a bouquet bigger than your head, even though you weren't romantic with him? The Ajax that called and texted you at random hours of the night to “check on you” when you didn't give him your number? No. Not that Ajax. That Ajax wasn't creepy at all.

The worst part was his dead eyed stare. You wondered how people enjoyed his company when he had the eyes of someone with no true compassion, the eyes of someone who was obviously faking their emotion. Was everyone just pretending to not notice how his smile didn't reach his eyes, or had you truly gone crazy?

The dim, setting sunlight hit your note pages as you sat in the library to study, a typical thing for you to do when you had hours between your classes. And Ajax, the one who was failing almost every single class he took, decided to sit only a few tables over from you, pretending to be nose deep into a book for a course he didn't even take.

You could feel his eyes on you as you tried to focus on anything, but him. The books, the clocks, your phone, anything but him, where he sat unmoving. Why was today the day the library had to be empty? Where was everyone else who was supposed to be studying? Why were you alone with him, only a few tables between you.

A weight lifted off your shoulder when you heard someone stomping up the stairs to the library, calling his name loudly, “What are you doing here man? I didn't even think you knew what a library was!” they ostracized him while playfully smacking him on the back. They were obnoxiously loud, something that would've annoyed you any other day, but today you were grateful for their rudeness.

He was distracted. You could tell because you could no longer feel those eyes on you. This was your chance to scoop all of your books up and toss your bag over your shoulder, running out the door before he had the chance to notice you were gone. You breathed a sigh of relief, feeling the cool autumn air against your skin eased you more than the tense air of the library.

It was worrisome how much more you'd been seeing him these past few days. More than usual and not in the coincidental way. It was like he always knew where you were going. You tried to brush the thought from your head as you walked to your next class, trying to focus on anything else, but that feeling was back. The feeling of eyes on you. And not just any eyes. Those dead eyes. He was nearby.

You stopped in your tracks and turned on your heels with your eyes closed. In your mind, you were silently praying that it was just the nerves and your mind was playing tricks on you. That it was making you imagine the feeling, but sure enough, there he was, messy orange hair, charming smile, and lifeless eyes.

“You're jumpy today,” he said playfully. You took a hesitant step back, but he still closed the distance between you, with little hassle. All it took was two steps from his long legs and suddenly you could smell his oaky cologne. He tossed an arm over your shoulder and pulled you back into his chest, “You left pretty quickly back there. I didn't even get to say hello.”

“Sorry,” you muttered beneath your breath. His baggy clothes hid it well, but he was built firmly beneath them, all muscle with little to no fat. He wasn't choking you with this arm, not yet, but you could feel his ability to. And it would be easy for him to do.

His orange hair tickled your cheeks as he leaned down to be closer to your face, “You didn't answer my text,” his voice just barely above a whisper, his tone playful, but you could feel the malice behind it. He was annunciating each syllable of each word, speaking slowly so you couldn't say you didn't hear him correctly.

“T-text?” You stuttered back. Which text? Ajax texted you all hours of the day and night. Was he actually taking your dry, one word answers as replies? Was what you were doing to try to push him away only making him push back harder?

With an arm still around your neck, his other hand trailed down your body. His fingertips traced every curve of your clothed person, until they landed on the hip. He took this time to squeeze and groped your lower body before slipping your phone out of your pocket and typed in your password.

The blood drained from your face while you watched him scroll through your apps. No one knew your password. No one. Yet he typed it in like it was a regular occurrence for him.

“Didn't even save my number,” he whined, “Don't worry, I've got you.”

His name was changed from a string of numbers to “Childe <3” not giving you the chance to protest.

“You really are a bad girlfriend,” he muttered again, not caring about your lack of a response to him. Girlfriend? Since when were you his girlfriend? You felt like you were spinning in place and your head just felt so heavy. He was saying everything so casually, like you were supposed to agree with it, like you were the one who was wrong.

“Ajax, I think you've misunderstood something,” you said a little too quickly, but your lungs felt like they couldn't get any air in them.

It seemed like he ignored your words completely as he continued to scroll through his messages to you, where he was practically talking to himself, “See? Right here. I asked to take you out for coffee,” he held the screen up to your face.

Sure enough, he had. But you never responded and that text was quickly swallowed up by the myriad of other texts he'd sent you. His flirty messages were ignored by you, more often than not you only replied out of what felt like obligation and fear. Anyone who said you were lucky to have the oh so popular Ajax crushing on you, obviously didn't look into those empty eyes enough.

He sighed and using that arm around your shoulders, began to drag you in the opposite direction from where you were going. You tried to stop him and pull away, but his strength only made you stumble over your own steps, falling into his arms.

“Where are you taking me?” Fear was laced in your words as you continued to struggle in his grasp, but he didn't stagger.

“Coffee.” He spoke with ease as he continued to drag you along with him, that well built, muscled arm shifted ever so slightly to your neck and starting to choke, “I think we need to talk.”

[educatedsimps]

Hi! Saw your requests were open and I just had to stop by! Could I request a (not exactly angst bc the idea is funny but definitely in character for him) Bokuto x reader where he's ranting to a friend about how he loves to hug the reader and his friend just makes an offhand comment about how he'll probably crush her since he's a pretty big guy and he goes all emo mode about it. He doesn't want to hurt anyone :( Obviously we gotta add some comfort at the end for the silly guy

≪ back to fics masterlist

bokuto kōtarō  x f!reader

a/n: omg of course!! i haven't had the chance to write for bokuto and yes i agree this is literally perfect for him 🥰

cw: timeskip spoilers, atsumu being stupid, some hurt/comfort, msby crack

"I can’t wait to go home after this. I’m exhausted," Sakusa sighed.

"It’s not useful practice if it’s not exhausting, Omi-Omi. Be glad you’ve got teammates like us," Atsumu drawled, winking at his teammate and earning a disgusted glare from across the table.

"I thought today’s practice was fun! We got to try the new unorthodox version of our quick attack, and we've almost got it!" Hinata chirped next to Atsumu, with bits of his food flying from his mouth.

"I'm fine with it as long as you guys don't overexert yourselves during training," Lisa, Atsumu's girlfriend and the team's physiotherapist, chimed in from Atsumu's other side.

"What are you guys planning to do when you get home?" Meian asked, stuffing a rice ball in his mouth.

"Shower," was Sakusa's immediate answer.

"Probably do a little bit of meditation," Hinata mused.

"Call my brother to ask for more meal prep bentos," Atsumu said. An amused scoff came from his girlfriend.

"What about you, Bokuto?"

Having been focused on his food the whole time, Bokuto nearly choked on his rice when called upon by his captain. With tempura crumbs coating his lips, he smiled widely and announced, "I'm going home to give y/n a big hug!"

"You sure love hugging y/n, Bokuto-san!" Hinata chuckled, popping a salmon nigiri in his mouth.

"Of course I do! I love hugging her! She's so huggable and I just wanna squeeze her so tight all the time and transfer all of my love for her," Bokuto said, with with his fists in the air. "You guys should all hug your girlfriends tight! The tighter you hug her the more she'll know you love her!"

Shooting Lisa a lovesick smile, Atsumu stated, "We all love hugging our girlfriends, but I won't accidentally crush 'er to bits like someone." He nodded towards Bokuto.

Bokuto stilled, staring at Atsumu with confusion.

"Miya..." Meian warned under his breath.

"What? I mean, have ya seen the guy? He's huge! Could prob'ly flatten 'er if he wanted to," Atsumu continued, chortling at the thought. He stopped short as he noticed the glares from Meian and Sakusa. "What? What'd I say?"

By then, Bokuto was already in a completely different headspace. He had a blank expression on his face and a faraway look in his eyes. His shoulders were slightly hunched and his usually spiky hair seemed to droop at the edges.

Sakusa sighed what was probably the heaviest sigh in the history of mankind as Hinata stage-whispered to his teammate, "Atsumu-san, I think you hurt Bokuto's feelings."

Wide eyed, the blonde setter started to defend himself. "WHA-?! no, i- I DIDN'T EVEN-"

Sensing Bokuto's incoming emotinal shut down (or emotional episode, in this case), Lisa quickly tried to divert their attention. "Please, 'Tsumu. You wish you were as strong as Bokuto-san. Your spikes are weak as shit-"

" 'Cause I'm literally a setter!"

"-and not an all-rounder, which is why Kageyama-kun is ranked first in the country and you're second."

"BABE-"

"Maybe I shouldn't hug her anymore. I don't wanna hurt her. What if I really crush her one day? Then she'll really be flattened like a piece of bread. I don't wanna hurt her. So this means I can't hug her anymore. But I like hugging her. But does she even like my hugs?" Came Bokuto's voice. His brows were now furrowed and his face was etched with worry.

"Of course she does, Bokuto-san! I'm sure she loves your hugs, and you love her too much to ever hurt her, right?" Hinata and Lisa attempted to cheer up the saddened spiker.

Finishing the last of his food, Sakusa stood up, muttering, "I'm exhausted, I can't deal with this right now. My partner's here to pick me up anyway," As he walked past the other side of the table, he spoke to Atsumu in a low voice. "Only a jerk like you would say something like that to Bokuto, of all people."

"SHUT UP, OMI.”

"I’m home…"

Your ears perked up at the sound of Bokuto’s voice and you immediately noticed his dejected tone. Closing your laptop, you got up from your desk and bounced over to the front door to greet him.

Sticking your head round the corner, you saw him place his stuff down by the counter before staring into space. His face was blank and devoid of emotion but his eyes were filled with inexplicable sadness. Seeing him like this tugged on your heartstrings and you knew he was going through one of his emotional episodes. You just didn’t know why.

"Hey, Kō! How was your day?" Slowly walking towards him, you reached out your arms to give him a hug but stopped short when he cried out.

"NO, DON’T HUG ME. I’LL CRUSH YOU."

You froze with your arms mid-air before you dropped them back to your side. He had one hand held out to stop you from coming closer and his face was tucked into his other arm. You could hear quiet sniffles coming from him and your heart broke seeing how upset he was.

"But you already have a crush on me, baby. And I have a crush on you too! I thought we’ve already established that?" You joked, trying to lighten the mood.

It didn’t work. It was like he didn’t even hear you, so you decided to give him some space (like Akaashi had advised). You guided him to sit on the couch while you went about the house finishing up your chores. After several minutes, he seemed to feel a little better and you decided to talk to him (also like Akaashi had advised).

Sitting by his side on the couch, you reached out and held his hands in your own. His eyes were downcast and he was avoiding your gaze as if his life depended on it.

"Kō? What's wrong?"

"Nothin'."

"Look at me, baby. Please? I wanna see your cute face," you cooed. He pouted for a while more (which was adorable, by the way) before he finally caved.

"Tsum-Tsum said I'll crush you if I hug you too tight 'cause I'm so much bigger and stronger than you. And I don't wanna crush you, I promise! It just made me sacred to think I might not know my own strength and end up hurting you in the process. That's why I'm scared of accidentally hurting you when I’m excited and I know that if I did, you wouldn't say anything which is why I don't wanna accidentally hurt you with my hugs in the first place-" He swallowed the rest of his words as you pressed your lips to his.

"Kō, I love your hugs. They're the warmest hugs anyone has ever given me. Don't tell my mom, but sometimes your hugs are even better than hers," You giggled softly. A small smile appeared on his face as he looked at you. "And it's not a bad thing that you're so strong. It makes your arms really nice to hug! I promise you'll never be able to crush me. I'm stronger than you think, you know?"

"Really? You really like my hugs?" He asked, hope in his eyes.

"Really. A hundred per cent. A thousand per cent. I wouldn't like it any other way, Kō," You reassured him, kissing him sweetly once more. Within seconds, his entire mood had shifted and he was now beaming.

"Okay! I can hug you now!" He cheered. Before you could process anything, you were held in your favourite set of arms and wrapped up in the warmest hug on earth. You hugged him back tightly and felt his soft lips press against the crown of your head. Snuggling into his warmth, you felt so lucky to have him.

"Oh my god, anyone who says your hugs aren't perfect are clearly stupid," You sighed happily.

"Tsum-Tsum is pretty stupid sometimes," Kotaro hummed.

You pulled away, gasping in faux shock. "Really?"

"Pfft, yeah. Even Lisa says so!" He guffawed.

Before you could reply, your phone buzzed with an incoming message.

Lisa: “hey girl! hope everything’s ok with bokuto. my boyfriend’s kinda stupid sometimes so he doesn’t think before he says stuff. hope bokuto’s not feeling too down!”

Y/n: “it’s all good! managed to cheer him up pretty quickly today, haha”

Lisa: “that’s good to hear. you’re the only one who can cheer him up like that, y/n! anyway, rest well, you two. see ya next week!”

Reacting to her message with a heart, you put your phone down and turned back to your boyfriend.

"So, you gonna hug me or not?"

a/n: UM I HOPE THIS WAS OKAY??? pls lmk what u think 😭

© educatedsimps 2024. do not repost, copy, translate or plagiarize any work from this blog on tumblr or any other platforms. if you do, the simps will hunt you down. likes and reblogs are appreciated!

[linatheweirdooo]

Don't hurt me

I wrote this fic on ao3 originally as a vent, but due to the positive reception I'm gonna post it here too :3 here's the link to it on ao3 if you wanna give it a kudos or reply or read any other stuff I wrote bc I don't plan on posting that much on here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56567776/chapters/143770822#workskin

TW; implied S/A (it's hurt/comfort but the subject is mentioned and implied)

~~

It all happened so fast.

The sensation of water trickling down her synthetic skin, the studs of soap covering her body. It was a normal day, V just wanted to take a shower to clean herself off after an especially bloody hunt. Until she slipped.

Her entire frame collapsed onto the soapy ground, and her optics struggled to make out what was happening. Her processor overwhelmed with the sensory information from all fronts, it retorted to its only defense; to connect this situation to something familiar, something that has happened before.

In her disoriented state, instead of seeing the shower in her home, she saw a room in the old manor. And instead of feeling water slide down her hydrophobic shell, she felt hands. Hands that were distinctly human. Hands of the people whom she still can't remember the faces of, violating her. Touching her in places she shouldn't be touched, abusing parts of her body that are too sensitive for it.

This was stupid. She was a robot, she was a servant, why would she care if she was used? Wasn't that what she was made for? She shouldn't be whining.

Poisonous words from the person seemingly executing this echoed in her audio receptors. Even when it happened, V could bearly make out proper sentences.

V just yelled for them to get away, but her pleas proved vain when nothing changed.

Eventually, she succumbed to it, with only whimpers and muffled sobs with the occasional "stop" escaping her mouth.

~~

N was out today, which only left Uzi and V in their home, but the purple worker couldn't help but feel slightly worried by how long her girlfriend had been in the shower, she was usually quick.

But Uzi brushed it off. Maybe she's doing some self care for herself. V was responsible, they've known each other for a while now. Long enough to build a life with her and N.

That was until she heard V's voice, muffled by the walls of the bathroom and too far away from Uzi to make out any actual words. But why would V be yelling? There's nobody else in the house other than her, right?

Uzi panicked, but took a deep breath. She needed to stop assuming the worst all the time. So she calmly (albiet still quickly) walked up to the bathroom she was in and knocked on the door.

"V? You okay?"

No reply. At least, no reply that was directed at Uzi. It was hard to tell what she was saying, which worried her. Uzi does know V has a... complicated past... but even after getting together, she didn't talk about it more than she needed to. What if she was stuck in some kind of flashback?

No. No jumping to the worst case scenario. She'll just ask her again.

"V? Did something happen? Can I come in?"

No reply again. This was now a cause for concern, so Uzi opened the door, only to see her girlfriend on the floor of the shower sobbing and whimpering.

Immediately she ran up to V. But the disassembly drone sat up and made eye contact with Uzi.

Fear. The thought that V was even capable of the feeling had never even crossed Uzi's mind, but the hollow yellow rings that replaced her eyes were all that stared back her girlfriend.

V looked sad, tired, and scared, and while she has shown more emotion in front of her partners than she would to anyone else, this was different. It was raw, it was unfiltered, and it was heartbreaking. Her wet hair covered parts of her face and water was still pouring over her. She looked helpless.

"V?" Was all Uzi got to say before the disassembly drone tensed up and her endoskeleton started to shake. Pants and suppressed sobs were all that escaped the drone in front of Uzi, and when she tried getting closer, V cowered, pushing herself on the floor into the corner of the shower.

With her knees to her chin, one cone-shaped arm wrapped around her legs and the other in a protective position, hiding most of her face, V looked...vulnerable.

Noticing her girlfriend's reaction, Uzi moved backward. V must've thought she was someone else. Why else would she be this scared at the sight of her own girlfriend? Did Uzi do something?

V seemed to relax slightly, but she still looked like a helpless, terrified kitten in the rain. It hurt Uzi to see someone so important to her look like that. Only a year or two ago, Uzi would be scared of V, stating what she would think would be her final words if she crossed by any disassembly drone. Never in a million years did she ever entertain the idea of dating not one, but TWO of them. And now one of them is terrified of her.

As Uzi prepared to speak again, she heard V mumble something mixed with a sob. Uzi's audio receptors may not be as advanced as her girlfriend's, but she could make out a few words.

"Don't hurt me" were those words. The rest were lost to the sounds of whimpering and water from the shower hitting the floor, but Uzi's heart sank at the thought of what those words implied.

"V... it's me, Uzi"

It was a softer tone and volume, and it seemed to have worked as V relaxed a little bit and lowered her hand. However, she was still shaking and her eyes were still hollow.

Uzi leaned down to get on V's level, in an attempt to make her more comfortable. "it'll be okay" she comforted. Maybe it won't be, she had no way to tell, but it may help calm V down. She grabbed the towel V had hung on the hanger. "Can I get you out of here?"

V, still shaking and her eyes still hollowed, nodded. She didn't say anything, as if her voice were being held under a lock and key.

Uzi got into the shower and turned the water off as V stared at her, with digital tears hanging from the eyes displayed on her screen.

The worker drone reached out a tender hand to her girlfriend's cheek, which she immediately leaned into and closed her eyes.

Now that she was closer to V, the stress lines under them were more obvious, and as she brought back her hand, Uzi draped the towel over V like a blanket.

"Do you want me to dry you off or do you want to do it yourself?" Uzi asked in a loving tone.

V took a bit to respond, but she then replaced her eyes with text that read "I'll do it, but stay here" before adding on a "please".

Uzi nodded in response, and V blinked away the text as Uzi used one hand to interlace her fingers with V's and the other supporting her other arm, lifting it up and allowing V's limp body to stand at its full 5'11" height.

V took the towel that was hastly draped over her and wrapped it around herself after she had dried off the plastic and silicone that shielded her insides from the elements.

Uzi looked back at V once she was done but before Uzi got the chance to marvel at how beautiful her girlfriend looked, V collapsed onto Uzi before clearing her throat and spoke.

"Can you..." She paused, as if she was incapable of asking Uzi to do anything for her.

"Can you brush my hair?"

Her voice was scratchy from the crying, and her voice was still shaking despite thinking all the tears were gone. Maybe it was from embarrassment. The strong and terrifying Serial designation V asking for help? She might as well be dead at that point.

"of course..." Uzi smiled before going onto her tip toes and closing the gap between the two drones in a short, soft, loving kiss.

~~~~~

Uzi walked out to let V change, and after a few minutes she saw her girlfriend in a baggy purple sweater collapse into a hug, burying her head into Uzi's shoulder.

"..'m sorry for scaring you" was all V said, partially muffled by Uzi's shirt.

But Uzi just hugged her back and smiled into V while running her fingers through her girlfriend's still partially wet hair. "Its okay, it's not your fault"

V must've believed her. Or didn't feel like arguing. Because she just hummed in reply before pulling away from Uzi and sitting on the edge of their bed infront of the worker.

As Uzi played with V's hair, she wondered what must've happened. Who did V think she was? Why was she scared? Was she stuck in some kind of memory? What was happening in it?

She didn't want to ask too much. V was already secretive about her past even after getting together. But if it was hurting someone she cares about so much, she should at least ask her if she's okay now.

So she asked.

"What happened in there?" And immedietly felt bad. What if she was forcing V to re-live this memory? Was she overstepping a boundary?

"Uh.." V stopped in her tracks, almost trying to remember what just happened before Uzi cut off her train of thought.

"N-not that you have to tell me! It's just-" Uzi sighed. "I just want to know if you're okay"

A moment of silence passed, but to Uzi it felt as though it was a thousand years, and to V, half a second.

V took a deep breath before adjusting her position so that her knees were to her chest and she rested her face on them. "No... you deserve to know. Just-" another beat passed. "- just... i-it's just hard to talk about... uh.."

It was hard to keep talking, trying to figure out which words to carefully string together to form a cohesive sentence. She shouldn't be nervous, but she hasn't really talked about this to anyone. Her mind just kept flashing back to moments she has tried so hard to forget every time she wants to attempt to tell the most important person in her life what happened.

"V? You okay? You don't have to talk, you know"

Shit. She zoned out.

V collected herself and rehearsed what she'd say in her head. Why was she overthinking? She can trust Uzi.

"I..." Her eyes trailed down, and Uzi moved to the left of V to get a better look at her.

"Th-this was like, a long time ago and-"

She stared at her hands, and watched as she fiddled with them to relieve a bit of her anxiety. Or was it fear? Nervousness? Even she can't pinpoint the feeling. But, she does know she needed to talk about it.

"When I was a- uhm... w-when I worked for the Elliot manor... there were some...bad people" she took a slightly shaky breath. Uzi could probably see that V wasn't okay. Maybe that's why she rested her hand on top of V's after she said that. And despite the topic at hand, and emotions racing through her head, V made eye contact with her girlfriend and smiled. Not the sadistic smile she sported in hunts, or the beaming one she wore when Uzi said that magic three-letter word after asking her out. It was soft. It was okay. She's safe with Uzi.

So she took another shaky breath, and continued. "They hurt me. And... the ways they did that, varied..."

Uzi's digital eyes displayed slanted lines, reminiscent of human eyebrows when someone was sad.

"A-and one of those ways... included parts of me that I still wonder why I have. Maybe it was to feed their sick fantasies" it was hard to talk about, she figured by now the lump in her throat would've left but her voice cracked as she finished that last sentence.

V opened her mouth so speak, but choked on a sob that she had been trying to suppress. Damn it. She can't be crying now. She supposed to be scary. What was she even doing right now? She was stupid to think she can be vulnerable. She's supposed to be big and scary.

While V spiraled in her thoughts, hypocritically degrading herself for things she did three seconds ago, she snapped out of it by a sudden weight, and arms wrapping around her.

It was Uzi hugging her.

Suddenly, she couldn't control it anymore, and V let out more sobs as she finally broke down. Uzi held her through all of it, she even moved in front of V to face her. And as V sobbed and cried into the crook of Uzi's neck, she wrapped her own arms around the worker, despretly shaking and clawing onto her to make sure Uzi will never leave her side.

Between V's slightly muffled sobs and sniffles, Uzi lifted her head slightly to plant a kiss on V's cheek and whispered comforting words into her audio receptors.

"I'm here now" "Its okay now" "im sorry", they all helped but sounded the same to V. Until Uzi said a particular phrase.

"You didn't deserve that"

What a joke. She absolutely did. Maybe she hadn't done anything bad when it happened but the things that were done to her was probably something whatever higher being looking down on her did to punish her ahead of time. Maybe they thought it would stop her from doing the horrible things she did later in her life as a disassembly drone. In reality V didn't deserve Uzi. Or even N. She doesn't deserve loving partners who care about her. She doesn't deserve the affection she received from them or any forgiveness that they gave her.

But V couldn't even muster the energy to say that. Uzi would probably tell her it was absurd to think that way. Maybe it was. It was hard for someone programmed to serve people to imagine those people may be bad.

At some point in her thoughts, V's sobs got reduced to just occasional hitches in her breath, and her digital tears were replaced with tired lines under golden eyes. And they were very visible to Uzi, who pulled away from the hug and was now holding V's larger hands that were slightly illuminated by the yellow triangles on them.

"Hey, it's getting late. Do you want to go to bed now?"

V blinked a few times and looked at Uzi, then to her own hands. Hands that were made to kill people like Uzi. But right now, hands that were being held by her. And she watched as Uzi's thumbs brushed along her palms.

"Yea. Maybe" V finally sighed, and leaned onto Uzi, who pushed her own weight towards her and hugged her harder.

An "I love you" escaped the purple drone as she rubbed soothing circles on her girlfriend's back. It almost made V start crying again.

She was fine. Everything's fine now. She'll never be hurt that way again. She's loved now.

She's loved now

V's voice shaky from the newly built up tears, she reciprocated the statement

"I love you, too, Uz"

It was quiet, muffled, half mumbled, but it was enough for Uzi to hear her and squeeze her girlfriend tighter.

They shuffled a bit while cuddling, and ended up in a position where Uzi was spooning V. There's a first time for everything, she guessed. But it wasn't that bad, being cradled by the one she loved the most.

Minus V's purring and occasional sniffle, it was relatively quiet. But, it was comfortable. Uzi subconsciously ran her fingers through V's hair as V listened attentively to the rhythm of Uzi's core and wrapped her tail around Uzi's leg. Getting used to how clingy and physically affectionate V was took a bit of time, especially since before dating, Uzi's only ever seen her murdering people, playing with their corpses like dolls only to animalisticly take a bite of her prey.

But it was nice. Paired with V's purring, Uzi really enjoyed cuddling with her, too.

It was a while before V broke the silence.

"You know... I never thought I'd ever tell anyone that experience, much less to a worker"

Uzi looked down at V in her arms, which caused V's complimentary eyes to look back at her.

"Not that it's a bad thing. I'm really glad I could finally talk to someone about it. I never thought I'd see myself this close to someone like you. You opened my eyes to a diffrent way of looking at things, and I'm forever grateful we met. I'm sorry I was such a dick at first."

Uzi's face softened at the remark before she leaned down to kiss V's hair

"Don't say that. You were scared. And you've changed" Uzi paused to cup V's face in her hands and lean in for another kiss, V holding the back of Uzi's head.

"I'm glad you trust me enough to talk to"

V didn't talk, but her smile and blush spoke a thousand words. Uzi just held V to her chest and continued playing with her hair.

It continued like that for a while, until V's "eyelids" grew heavy, and she eventually succumbed to her exhaustion.

~~

Uzi didn't know how long it's been, and frankly she didn't care. That was until she heard footsteps walking into her room before she saw the unmistakable yellow headband of a disassembly drone.

"Hey Zi d-" N cut himself off as he saw V asleep and walked over to Uzi.

"Did something happen?" He asked Uzi in a hushed tone, careful not to wake the drone laying in his girlfriend's arms.

"...Yea. I don't know if she would let me say what happened, but..." the worker looked at the murder machine curled up in her arms, asleep, and smiled. "...she's fine now" Uzi replied, petting V's hair.

N's face shifted to a sympathetic smile as he sat on the edge of the bed and eyed V.

"I hope she is" was all he said before going behind Uzi and snuggled up with her, hugging her from behind before he too fell asleep.

Which left Uzi alone with her thoughts.

V was right, though. A few years ago Uzi's life was hell. It was hard to even avoid hurting herself. But she's so glad she didn't. Now instead of walking to her home after a shitty day at school to be ignored by her father, she walks home after another day of university to a home with her girlfriend and boyfriend, ready to tell them about her day and hear about theirs. Now she looks forward to life, as long as she has her two favourite people in it.

Eventually, Uzi also fell asleep, being hugged by N and V, and hugging the latter back.

[scekrex]

WAIT HOLD ON, I GOT ANOTHER. BWOAH

The Heavenly team of Exterminators playing hide and seek as a training to find demons if they hide somewhere and they only choose like a couple of people to hide before they start searching for them. Reader being on of the people chosen to hide, the problem is he hid so well that they can't find him. Reason for that being his amazing hiding skills that made him choose to hide in some sort of a chamber that there was only one way in, but it was hidden, so unless you knew how to get in and if you even knew it was there, you wouldn't know how to find the guy. Adam getting concerned where his husband went since they've been searching for him for a good hour and still couldn't find him before he hears a ding from his phone an a video message from reader "An hour in the chamber, they haven't found me yet, but when they do, they gon' be surprised" and Adam just having a whole ass "What the fuck, where is your stupid ass??" moment with reader just replaying "Bitch call me, I'm stuck just come get me out" and directing him to the chamber 😂😂

Okay hear me out: airtag for reader NOW bc otherwise Adam might lose that dude for good (no he won't bc reader will always find back to him but it causes a panic attack almost every time) also I live for the Adam pics you always send w ur asks

Constant Headache

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, yet another crack fic

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

“Soldiers,” Lute yelled as she slowly walked towards the group of exorcists. If you were to be honest you didn't even fully understand how you had managed to become one of them, Adam had a pretty strict ‘women only’ rule when it came to his army, on the other hand had your husband never been fully able to tell you ‘no’, he had always given in sooner or later.

“Today’s practice will be about spotting and fighting the demons that think are clever by hiding from us,” she smashed her fist on the palm of her hand, “But we're smarter. And in order to spot hiding demons, you will be divided into two groups. The ones that will be hiding and doing their best to stay hidden, we want this to be as realistic as possible after all so once you've been spotted, put up a fight. And the ones who will seek for those hidden.” You looked up from your nails and raised an eyebrow at Lute, “So what you're saying is we're playing hide and seek, gotcha. Y'all get ready to suck dick because I will win this bullshit.”

Lute sighed heavily as she pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head at you, “No, Y/N, we're not playing fucking- Adam,” she turned towards the first man, who was currently busy on his phone. Once his name was called out he looked up in confusion though, the LED face on his mask seemed slightly annoyed by Lute's attitude, “Huh?” That caused the exorcist to groan loudly and she threw her head in her neck to underline her emotions, “Tell your little fucktoy that we're not playing hide and seek.” Adam turned his phone off and let it disappear in his pocket before crossing his arms over his chest, “First of all, don't fucking disrespect my husband like that, only I'm allowed to call him my fucktoy,” Lute shot you a warning glace as she saw the shit eating grin on your face, you flipped her off and mouthed a silent, “Yeah bitch, fucking respect me.” With every day that she got to spend with the two of you she understood more and more why you were married. The two of you were equally obnoxious. “Second, bitch what do you want from me, this is literally a game of hide and seek, babes is right about that one.” ‘When was babes not right about something,’ Lute thought but remained silent. Instead she turned to face the group again, ignoring Adam's words skillfully. “Anyways, group A, you will be given ten minutes to hide, once the ten minutes are over group B will start their seeking. Good luck,” and with that she started a timer.

You lazily walked over to Adam, who was back to playing some shitty mobile game, “Hey big guy, if you manage to find me soon we might have a little time for a quickie.” It was needless to say that that caught Adam's attention immediately but before he had the slightest chance to answer you, you pushed yourself off the ground. “Where the fuck are you even going,” the first man yelled at you, you turned around mid air to look at him from above, “Find out, if ya find me I'll suck your dick.” And that was s promise to Adam's liking.

You took off, already knew where to hide. It was a little chamber that you had found a couple hundred years ago. You weren't quite sure how you had stumbled across it but ever since then you have made it your little man cave and whenever you felt overwhelmed you simply went there to calm yourself down and escape from the bright colors of heaven for a few hours. The chamber only had one entrance and it was hidden behind ivy vines.

All in all it was a cozy little place and a comfortable hiding spot, you also doubted that anyone would find you there and that was a simple win in your book, you'd win that game of hide and seek just to shove it in Lute's face. Yeah Lute… that was a thing you didn't like to think or talk about lately. Ever since the extermination day got closer she became insufferable. The training schedule was tight, jokes seemed to be forbidden and she treated everyone like they were garbage - sometimes even Adam. Usually the exorcist was fun to have around, she'd be up for one or two stupid decisions and would crack the most unfiltered jokes but with extermination day being in two months she just threw all of her likable traits away to become that bossy bitch that hated on everyone, no matter how well they were doing.

You sighed as you sat down on the cold yet dry ground and waited. It would probably take a while for one of them - probably your husband - to reach out for you and check where the fuck you were. So you took out your phone and checked social media.

In the meantime Adam was having a crisis, he had looked behind every rock, in every tree, fuck he had even searched for you on the bottom of the river at that point. But you were nowhere in sight. “Where the fuck is that bitch,” he mumbled to himself as he checked a tiny cave he had just discovered but nothing. “Someone’s mad he won't get a blowie?” Lute's grin was audible and it caused Adam to sigh in annoyance, “Fuck off, Lute.” She dropped the grin and got serious again at that, “Actually Sir, I'm here to inform you that all exorcists had been found, well all but Y/N.” That made the first man worry even more and a little bit of panic was noticeable in his voice when he ordered Lute to tell the exorcists to look for his husband. The lieutenant executed the order given to her within a heartbeat.

An hour passed and there was still no sign of you, that was until a notification popped up on Adam's phone screen.

‘Babes has sent you a video.’

The brunette opened it immediately and frowned as he watched the video of you showing off the chamber you were hiding inside, “An hour in the chamber, they haven't found me yet,” your voice sounded quite pleased with that result as you flipped the camera to grin at it, “But when they do, they gon’ be surprised as fuck.” Adam started at the screen for a moment, then he smashed his fingers down onto the digital keyboard, typing out in all caps, ‘What the fuck, where's your stupid ass???’

It only took you a moment to respond, a voice message this time, “So y’know, maybe I'm stuck in that man cave of mine,” Adam looked irritated at that, was he supposed to know where that said man cave was? Had he missed something? “Just fucking call me and I'll give ya the directions, get me the fuck outta here I'm starving.” Adam turned to look at Lute who shrugged apathetically, “Your bitch not mine.” Fucking great.

So Adam called you and you directed him to where you were still hiding. It took the first man quite a while to both get his ass there and find the entrance but once he did, you were already waiting there for him. “Okay just grab me and pull me out,” you mumbled as you reached for his hand. He grabbed your forearm firmly and did as he had been told.

As soon as you were out you cockily leaned against his side, “Took ya a while.” Adam grumbled something about your hiding spot being unfair but you ignored that, instead you asked, “So, did I win?” The first human soul in heaven rolled his eyes at that, “Yeah, yeah you won.” You patted his chest as you walked past him, “Awesome, now let's go so I can shove it in Lute's face.” Adam simply followed you, “What about my blowjob though?” You turned around to face him, a small grin on your lips, “If you behave like the good boy we both know you can be I'll blow you when we're back home.”

And in that moment Adam was really fucking thankful for his mask because while he was sure you knew he was blushing, you had no proof for that. “Fucking fine,” he whined but you knew as much as he did that it was just an act. So the two of you flew back to Lute and the others.

“What the fuck took you so long?” Lute snapped at Adam once the man had set his foot on the ground next to her, you were quick to jump in tho, “Dickmaster here had been busy shoving his cock down my throat, now we're here so shut up and give us the next task already, hide and seek was way to fucking easy.”

[hibischush]

Hello! Have you got any kissing headcanons for Eiland, March, and any romanceable you'd like? Thank you! :3

Ohhhh yes yes I do! I did the "spin the wheel" for the rest of the romanceables because I literally couldn't choose they're all so lovable already. Adeline was the chosen one so I guess we have a sibling special today lmao 🌺

Also, some of these are a bit suggestive, so⚠️minors proceed with caution!⚠️

Eiland

at first I feel like Eiland would be very gentlemanly when kissing you

Like after one of your first few dates he definitely leaned down and kissed your hand

bro is literally courting you like its the regency era

I think that it would take him awhile to gather up to kiss you

But I wholly support the idea that you initiate your first kiss

Like this is an outta-nowhere-unplanned-spontaneous kiss

Because Eiland would be the type to plan out extravagant dates to be memorable

I think you would kiss him for the first time when he's busy explaining (in great depth) the history behind an artifact at the dig sites

His eyes were just so bright and his voice was so animated and passionate and his lips were just

irresistible

You cut him off with a quick chaste kiss and oh man

His expression was priceless

He was so shocked and his face immediately heated up

Eiland was speechless for longer than you expected and you asked if he was okay

"I...yes! Of course! I just..." he pauses, thumbing the bottom of your lip while leaning closer and whispering, "I want to properly kiss you this time, with my full attention."

Once kissing became as natural as breathing air, Eiland kisses you more confidently

He almost always uses one hand to cradle your face and another to pull you closer by the waist

His favorite place to kiss you is your lips, but he is not picky in the slightest

When things heat up, I think he would be a... lip biter

BLASPHEMY I KNOW. A NOBLE LORD SUCH AS EILAND?!

He'd also kiss and nibble on your neck as long as you're fine with it

March

March 100% kisses you before you both are official

Bc he's a silly impulsive little tsudere

and to be clear its obvious that March likes you at this point, and you reciprocate

You want him to bring it up though because he will deny that he likes you lmao

Like you both were hanging out near the fountain in town and the tension is so thick that you could slice through it with a sword

heavy eye contact, fleeting touches, sly comments, etc.

you are breaking this man down

"You are so cute, March," you giggle, shoving him aside playfully

He blushes and pushes you back, almost defensively

"S-shut up. You just don't take me seriously, idiot."

Alright. This guy--

You're tired of his bs

"God, March," you groan, "you want to kiss me so damn bad it makes you look stupid!"

He fumes, before grabbing you by your shoulders and hesitating for a second

before you can say anything, his lips crash against your own

it was short but passionate

"Not so stupid now, huh?"

Anywhoozies

March is a very passionate guy, especially for you

While I believe he is a rough kisser when feeling extra...loving (purely out of desperation btw)

I think his favorite place to kiss you is on your nose 🥺

Especially as goodnight kisses

Adeline

Prefacing this with Adeline is lovely kisser

She always kisses you with purpose and emotion

You're her favorite person, and you help her relax when she can physically love on you

Your first kiss with Adeline was after a nice candlelit dinner after you two had been dating for awhile

Also just another hc I'm going to throw in here:

I think Adeline really enjoys ball room dancing

She used to do it more when she was younger and didn't have to watch over Mistria

So afterwards she asks if you would like to dance (ofc you accept)

While dancing and enjoying such a tender moment with Adeline, you noticed that she faltered and slowed to a stop

You quietly ask her if she was alright, and she looks at you with such warmth it made your heart race

"May I kiss you?"

When you nod your head yes, she smiles, wrapping her arms around your neck, as her eyelids flutter close and she gives you a soft lingering kiss

Afterwards you both kiss often, often short but sweet

Like kisses on the cheek in passing since the both of you are often busy

Adeline loves to kiss you on your cheek!

And she loves to receive kisses on her forehead

When you both have the alone time to be intimate, Adeline kisses you like you're her first breath of air after resurfacing from water lemme tell ya

The pair of you don't get much alone time together so she makes the most of it!

In conclusion, I am in love with them all. I honestly don't know which romanceable I'll go for in my first playthrough, I guess we'll all have to wait until August 5th 🥲

Side note: what is the God in this game. Using "God" just sounds weird as an interjection

[waddleonmywaywardducks]

Practicing with adhd.... (A kinda long commentary on how to work with ADHD in your practice instead of against it)

(disclaimer: I'm making this post as someone who has a struggled with ADHD. In no way am I glorifying mental illness or symptoms of mental illness. This is just something I've dealt with all my life and i know other people have too. I'm just posting my own experience and advice. You do not have to use this at all.)

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was either 7 or 9 and have been struggling with it ever since, idk why I never grew out of it. Over the years of practicing, I've encountered a lot of practitioners with the same problem as me, only all of their advice was to try to get rid of ADHD has much as possible, well I tried that, I'm still the same. But that's just it, ADHD is apart of me, whether I like it or not. For years, I've always hated my ADHD, I constantly feel stupid, childish, and not responsible, but I am, I just need to work with my ADHD instead of around it. And that my friends is what Im going to teach you all here today, so grab a nice comfort TV show and a fidget bc your ADHD ass WILL READ THIS POST!!!!!!!!

My biggest problem with adhd and witchcraft

honest to the Gods, my biggest problem has got to be that witchcraft isnt dogmatic, you aren't going to get a rule book, there is no duality, you pick what's right from wrong, you make your practice your own. I had such a hard time figuring that out because I'm a very hands on learner. I grew up in a Christian household, most historical events that I wanted to research I could read in the Bible, or go to a church, or if I wanted to find community to help me figure out where to go well....it's basically all around me. But we don't have that with witchcraft. We only have ourselves (unless you were born into pagan/witchy family then lucky you I guess 😭😭). So obviously the only thing we can do is research.

"but omg chaos,,, I can't research I have executive dysfunction!"

I understand. Executive dysfunction is so weird why do humans have this??? Why was this built into my system??? Anyways, the best advice I can give you for executive dysfunction is that you can either go one of two ways:

1.) while you are laying in bed, cursing yourself to get up and do something. At least do something, but you just can't. That's ok. Dont beat yourself up about it, honestly the more you do that the more you're not going to want to do it. Allow yourself to be like this, allow yourself to just lay there. If you need to give offerings but you just can't get up, say sorry out loud, I always find that this brings me comfort and that my deities will know I'm truly sorry. Then forget about it, now it's time to allow yourself to just be. And then you wait until you find the strength to do it. That's it. Just be.

2.) you're laying in bed and you really need to give offerings to your deities. Get up. Just do it. Immediately once you have the thought in mind don't even think about it just do it. I know this doesn't work 100% of the time but it does for me. So 🤷

"how do I know if my practice is my own or if it's just a hyper-fixation?"

OK OK. I don't know anyone else who has this struggle but I have. When I started out, I was just a bright eyed kid filled with questions about the "unholy". I really started practicing when I was like 13-15. During these times, I didn't know how strong my hyper-fixation was with Greek mythology and religion until I fell out of that fixation. It was very disappointing to see myself gain so much momentum only to come crashing down. One thing that helped me decipher whether my practice was my own or not was simply asking questions to myself about my own beliefs and upg. If I couldn't answer these questions then I knew I wasn't really practicing I was just researching. Without my own experience, my own UPG, my spells weren't working correctly, and my rituals were failing. If there is no emotion behind it for me then the spell is just a bunch of herbs in a bottle.

"I struggle with grounding and meditation, how can I become better at that?"

Firstly, I need people to realize that I don't believe there is one right way to meditate. For me, starting out, I listened to guided meditations which helped me A LOT. Guided meditations I feel like are really slept on but I got a lot of communication done with my deties through this way, I met one of my guides this way bro. Another way you could do is laying down. As long as you are allowing yourself time to get into the meditative state, and if you can't, oh well, don't beat yourself up about, you can always try again.

"I have trouble remembering herb properties, correspondences, and holidays"

Write. Everything. down. Every spell you've ever created, every experience you have with your deties, every tarot card reading. Write it all down. Cross-research everything until something sticks. Give up the idea that grimoires need to look a certain way or give off a certain vibe. Just start writing shit down. In any book.

How I work with ADHD in my practice

Have you guys ever seen those post, I think they were floating around here around like 2019 or 2020?? They we're like "spells to get rid of ADHD" or "spells to get rid of depression" and shit like that. Yeah, I never understood those. I don't understand why we are treating these illnesses/disabilities like they are monsters?? I hate the ideology that all illnesses are bad, because yeah they impose a great risk to our health, but we can always look on the brighter side of things. My ADHD allows me to feel more deeply, because of this I feel connected to the gods always. My ADHD makes me passionate about my Interests in the gods, my ADHD can work with me.

Some ways I work with ADHD in my practice is by making a schedule and sticking to it but a bigger importance to that is recognizing when I need a break. During days that are dedicated to the gods, or holidays, I often times have a big thing planned that might take up a lot of energy. I allow myself breaks with things that aren't witchcraft related at all, then when I'm ready I pick it back up from where I left off.

I honestly think if you are reading this and you're like "yeah maybe I should start working with my ADHD instead of against it....but none of this stuff is hitting for me."

Then I advice you to look at your own symptoms and try to see if you can find any way you can work with yourself. For example, if one of my symptoms was that I was impulsive, one thing I would do is dedicate something impulsive to one of my gods. Like dying my hair, going out of town for the night, getting drunk on a Tuesday afternoon (keep it stable buddy.), who gives a fuck. You are using your symptoms in a way that works with it instead of against it.

In conclusion....

I've had this post in mind for a while I just never had the words for it until now, and I still don't even know if this makes sense😭😭 I just hope to help atleast someone (it's 3 am and I literally decided to write this like....20 minutes ago.) this post was also me bashing on people who think ADHD is "all bad." Anyways, if anyone has any other advice or suggestions on how to work with ADHD, please leave them in the comments! I would love to get as much advice from adhd practitioners as I can! Alright I'm going to sleep now

[fivewholeminutes]

Alexxxx!!!

Tell us all about your experience!

I'm stuck at work, so if or when you have time! Let me live vicariously through you! 🖤🔥

-♥︎

HELLO MY DEAR GHOST, sorry for taking my time with it, i needed 37495 hours of sleep 😮‍💨🫂

Where do i even start!! Apart from how glad i am i could experience this with my beautiful friends @a-s-levynn @takemetoasgard and @thevenomousseprent (which was also my host for this trip mwah mwah mwah thank you once again, tell your cat i miss him 💖)

The rest under a cut, bc i am yapping a lot

It might sound silly, but that was my very first actual gig experience with friends who are as dedicated to see a band as me and it's HUGE for me ok. I am still emotional about this, I've never had this before 😭

And boooy. The coldest day of the week in Budapest and we've been by the venue by 9am. It was so so worth it tho, we've got barricade on iii's side, babey!!!!!!!!!! The organisation of the venue was so good too. At some point they came out to us with hot tea, the ticket office was giving people valuable clues, they opened a merch stand inside in warmth for people who were queueing early, the security check was swift etc. etc.

I forgor to check Bilmuri before the show and i was positively surprised by them, what a band!! Their energy was extremely contagious.

And now, the main event. It was a blast, seeing them after almost a year, man. They were so close. The sound was surprisingly good, for where we were standing (not perfect, but still, i could even hear Espera well, which never happened before!!!!!). It felt unreal, i missed seeing them live so much, like. They're here. A few meters away from me!!!! My neck stopped hurting from headbanging only today.

The cloak man's prancing is even more free, it's good he got a bigger enclosure for his shenanigans. The podiums for the girls and ii moving up and down was a nice touch (idk if they did that in the US??), iii was in his element, feeling the music very much. And iv. Well. The screams are scrumptious live. And you probably saw the Neck Photo™

The catwalk was so much fun too!! Let Espera or ii walk down the catwalk next time tho

They're so good live what the fuck man who gave them the right i mean. I knew this, but still. What the fuck, maaaan. With more money for the sound design and light design it's even more ethereal than before. The fucking. Lights. At one point i turned to look at Vessel on the catwalk and the lights shining on the back walls were so good i started taking photos of the lights instead of Vessel. Sorry, Vessel. But look at those lights!!

The drum solo returned my will to live. iii's moves returned my will to live. Well, the whole gig returned my will to live.

There weren't many bad things happening either! Someone laughed out loud during one calmer part of Atlantic, but it was a coincidence, i think. No stupid yelling, no crowdsurfers (THANK FUCK), well, at least not where we were standing.

Also, the whole time before the show, there was a Vessel cosplayer standing ominously at the top of the section with seats. It was hillarious:

Kudos to whoever decided to play the whole LP's Reanimation album between doors opening and Bilmuri's gig. And to that one ST crew guy who had to run closer to the stage every single time anyone from the band was going to the catwalk, poor guy. Also, i didn't recognise Adam in the new haircut at first lmao

ii made a mic drop with his drumsticks after one song (don't remember which), it was funny. You go, red bull man!!

Starting with TNDNBTG and finishing with Euclid gave me -374959HP damage. I managed not to cry on Euclid, tho. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR EUCLID LIVE?

Btw. During Euclid i caught iii's pick. I mean, technically it hit me in the chest and landed on my fanny pack, but yeah. Do you know how much it means to me that it was during motherfucking Euclid of all songs??? Especially when it was my first time hearing it live???

Here's a pic with a very done-with-his-owner's-shit model:

(Dw, he was purring anyway)

I took around 150 bracelets with me to give away to people. Yes, 150. Yes, i am unwell. It's only the half of what i've already done, anyway. People thought i wanna sell them lmao. Nope, i am Just Like That and Yes You Can Take More Than One Bracelet, I Don't Mind. I did get some things in exchange from some people, though!! Behold, exchange gifts and gifts from my friends (love u 🥺):

Peeled Vessel plush (and fivewholeminutes bracelet) from @thevenomousseprent 🐍✨️💓

Print and Berry Vessel (Bessel, if you'd like) from a very cute person who in the midst of everything i forgot to ask about their name. Thankfully, i have a card with their insta handle!!

I didn't ask the ii sticker person and Euclid/Jericho/Calcutta bracelets about their details too 😔

Atlantic keychain from @taka-chan 💖 (ALSO I REALISED I WASN'T FOLLOWING YOU??? I WILL CHANGE THAT IN A SECOND, I'M SORRY, I AM CHAOTIC)

Hands keychain from @bubacorn 💖 (I LOVED YOUR HAIR AND OUTFIT BTW, BUT I WAS TOO SHY TO TELL YOU, SORRY)

Euclid bracelet and serpent ring from my beloved @takemetoasgard 😘😘😘

And, of course, the army of Tiny Tokens from @a-s-levynn 🔪🍌❤️‍🔥

Overall, amazing experience, 10/10, i love my friends, i love Budapest, i love this stupid fucking band that makes me travel for the whole night in a bus and stay in 2 Celsius degrees for hours.

Ok, that is finally all, sorry it was this long. Thank you for this ask, it was very fun summing it all up, i hope you could at least for a moment live through this experience while reading my ramblings 🥺🫂💖🌸🌸🌸

EDIT: i forgot i also got this banger keychain in exchange!! From a person who came for a few rituals from fucking Canada.

LOOK AT THOSE TEEF!!!!!!!!!

[inchidentally]

seeing some headloss on twt over oscar cropping out lando from his post-qualifying instagram post 💀

we haven’t gone through the trenches with this season and bounced back from it for people to discredit their partnership based off of a cropped photo.

anyway here’s a video from twt of where you can see osc clapping for lando as he goes for his f1tv interview, people should touch some grass honestly 🫵🏻😧

https://x.com/ln4norris/status/1865414347817693444?s=46

this is why I don't personally use twt at all - I feel like there's a whole alternate reality going on there that doesn't exist in any other part of fandom lasfgajlfglaf I feel for the decent ppl who use it bc damn, y'all are gods strongest soldiers! just today I've been told that ppl decided Lando was "distracted" by Carlos when he said he couldn't hear what Hinch was saying when it's clear he was referring to how loud the crowd was and the god awful reverb from the PA system. then apparently people said Lando looked "serious" with Oscar and "happy" with Carlos but when I watched it back he's smiling with Oscar but also clearly strategizing bc… teammates ?? fighting for a championship ?? and like, he shook Carlos' hand and they had a giggle ?? like yea if I wanted to go rpf and be stupid I could pretend that meant smth other than them being very good friends but in real life that's genuinely all it is ! and Lando does that with fully half the grid bc he just makes men love him like that!

and like, this is so so cute ;__; watching the guy he's fanboyed over for years and that little clap he's doing bc he just wants to and not bc he thinks anyone will even notice by zooming way in on it like we have <3

so how does it play out in the rpf competition !! when Lando wants to make Oscar laugh just the day before?? what about Lando’s maybe a lil bit pointed speech about team loyalty even when tempted with better offers while Carlos is sat right there ? ooh and Lola grabbed Lando and Oscar giggling and talking together while Carlos was answering questions - does that mean Lando betray Carlos oh jail for Lando for a hundred years ??!! like I need people to get a grip and realize that if rpf is stressing you out then a)you're taking it too seriously and b)you're stressed over an invented narrative that doesn't exist and will always be ruined by reality. it's why these people end up in fresh rages over Carlos so annoyingly proving that he not only loves Rebecca, he actively wants her with him even when he's doing normally Boys Only stuff. that even when Lando is around or available, Carlos has the audacity to for example, choose to spend a quiet dinner with her and Hulk and his wife rather than go out for Lando's win. that Carlos asks her to come to the Netflix Cup and keeps checking in on her while Lando third wheels a bit while they talk before leaving early to go hang out with his own friends. that Carlos ends up wrapped around Rebecca at a club after Singapore last year and Mexico and Melbourne this year even tho Lando is sometimes right there or didn't go out with them. how can carland0 be special and secretly gay if Rebecca not beard who Carlos hates and Ferrari/insert superpower here is paying and forcing to be with ????????? and don't even get started on the rages over Carlos daring to treat Charles special and express deep emotions over their relationship and all the time he says they spend together off of work talking about "every subject you can imagine" and doing things together with no PR or Ferrari benefit. that considering how often their own families are openly warring and taking sides unchecked by anyone, Carlos and Charles have defiantly chosen to truly like each other and stand by each other. but they'll never be carland0!!! they just caaaan't be !!

ITS SO WILD like I wanna shake these fans and remind them you rly can indulge in rpf and still maintain a full grasp and appreciation for real life friendships where no one is stuck in middle school and "competing" for which friend they like best lsafhglsafgjafg

and omg this whole social media stuff - yes, McLaren's socmed admins prefer Carlos and Daniel over Oscar and it's very clear even if it's for no deeper reason than Oscar doesn't do PR at all well and won't schmaltz up his friendship with Lando for fan service. which is fine bc honestly I don't mind being pandered to sometimes with certain ships (obviously) but I also do kinda wish they "got" Oscar better bc so many of us rly do adore his humor and his natural, unpolished personality. and they're clearly stumped when people enjoy landoscar content despite no queerbaiting and no memeable jokes. we just like watching them be cute and smile all crinkly eyed at each other :3

but yea, this whole season has been a PR festival of Emotions About Carlos for McLaren and Lando (and Netflix, if you've been watching how the boom follows these moments around) and when combined w their not unkind but definite ambivalence toward Oscar means there's times social media kind of forgets that Oscar's also there with just as much reason to celebrate him too. like I'm not at all moved by these millionaires moving team to team in itself but yes in certain cases it's very emotional for different reasons and therefore ofc going to fill up sm feeds! they were also like that about Lewis when it was carland0 at McLaren. we just wanna see more of Oscar even if he doesn't lend himself as well to popular narratives!

BUT reminder that Oscar outed himself twice in just the last two months as usually not being the one in charge of his social media content and that he isn't even for a second measuring his own personal presence or impact on social media ! Lily takes all their holiday pictures, Kim or one of the PR ladies takes the pictures at races and his new PR manager Sarah grabs any other content and uploads pretty much everything you see to Oscar's accs. if a post has a sarcastic caption like the driver's group dinner or is unusual like when he filled the top row of his instagram with photos/videos of him and Lando at Silverstone (for poignancy) then you know it's him. but that's probably about six to eight times in a year ngl. the rest of the time he's personally using social media to look at benign memes and sports updates while other people maintain his presence on his own accs.

also, as a charlos girlie I've got to say that ppl need to start calming down the emotional rollercoasters bc even when Lando and Oscar inevitably start to have issues that can be seen publicly, they'll blow over just as fast! the teammates who end up truly hating each other always have an existing past that makes them incapable of separating on track from off track in a healthy way. it's why Carlos immediately brought up the fact that he and Lando have never had their friendship tested by the kind of competition he has with Charles and to not compare the two relationships. and as I always say every time some idiot wants to banish Oscar and jam Carlos into his spot for the power of frandship or delusional rpf, Carlos and Lando's friendship is exactly the kind of foundation that leads to bitter rages and fall-outs that last years (sometimes longer). those gifs, bro - they weren't even teammates when that happened so do we rly want to watch that unfold every weekend by making them teammates locked in intense WDC battles??

whereas both Oscar and Lando and Carlos and Charles have formed their respective friendships alongside intense direct competition with each other. they negotiated how to cope with each other's temperaments and reactions at the same time as learning who they were as people. time and again that's proven to be the best way to preserve friendship with the guy you're battling with for wins and a WDC.

so there's no point flipping a table over the occasional fight in situations like Lando and Oscar battling each other sometimes. unlike like the cases of hideous erosion of affection into hatred that happens when long time besties suddenly fight for the same prize for almost the entire calendar year. that literally never ends well.

/rant

[imerian]

Here goes little essay about everything going on with Logan bc i have a lot of thoughts that I want to organise a bit .

I'm not sure where i want to start bc there so much to this whole situation with Logan and Williams but I'll firstly discuss today's fp1.

I hate what media portraying Williams got, yes they fucked up and critique is fair but there much more than just critique online. I tend to believe that the gave logan repaired chassis not bc they disrespect him but bc his car is tuned to alex and tune new one to him is faster than redoing both of them. It may give him some disadvantages that it's too bad. The part that I'm really sad about is that Williams didn't clarify any of this and we never gonna know for sure. It all doesn't exclude possibility of this just being decision but somehow i find it unlikely.

Another part that i have a lot of emotions about is today's crash, i hate it and people's responses so bad bc firstly we never gonna know is it car or logan bc once again we can't be sure with how Williams talked about it, but even if it was logan i can hardly blame him bc amount of pressure on him js insane.

He wasn't ready for f1 when he was brought into it, everyone already said that. Plus he constantly compared to oscar which isn't fair, you can look at their cars for example (bc in this sport they matter a lot, fact that somehow a lot of people forget) or where their teams are. I remember how in f3 oscar told that he was excited to fight with Logan and that shows for me that logan can do better it's just his circumstances that are unfortunate. He's season in f2 also was really good, he obviously couldn't get first place with domination of filippe but he still did his best.

Another thing about f2 is how much pressure he had there because Williams announced him as their f1 driver even before season finished and it put Logan on a spot bc he could actually become that driver only if he finishes in top three. And he did!!

But you can see how than, in his first f1 season and eveb now amount of pressure doesn't go down, he constantly needs to prove himself or he'll get kicked out of sport, same sport that his family sacrificed all for him to get in.

I absolutely don't understand his haters, especially those that compare him to alex at least because comparing them is stupid with this big of experience gap. Same discourse i see about lando and oscar which is also stupid because at the moment lando is objectively better at least because of his experience, and oscar doesn't need to be better than him, he needs to learn and get that experience himself for any comperasing to make sense.

Big problem with Logan is that he can't get that experience to grow as a driver, even alex said that it isn't stange that he crashes that much in his first season bc Williams car is hard to work with. It was Alex that said that, same person that car was made for so i think it's pretty good evidence. Also that was ghe reason why u was very excited to see Logan this year because he would finally have car that made for him as much as it was made for alex. And then the season started :)

In first two races he couldn't prove himself in any way bc of the reasons that wasn't in his control and what happened in Australia is just horrible for him as a driver. But i really hope that his patience will help him to hold his seat for the next year. As much as it sucks right now if him helping the team can improve his chances for the seat next year than it matters most, bc even of he has shit year he could have another one to prove himself ( which i think will absolutely happen at one point or another of his career if it continues)

In the end i want to add that i believe that James have good intentions bc even knowing how negative internet going to be he made that decision in Australia for the team. As logan fan i was very sad about it but i hope that with same good intentions for team he will keep logan that already shows how supportive he is to the team and with their growth it's probably exactly who they need at the moment

[tartigglez]

Hihi! Congratulations on the 100 followers! :D

Could I request 💙 with Ike Eveland?

Thank you!

"ten-twenty"

・❥・helloooooooooo nonnie i apologise for making this angsty but i will make a lighter ver if you aren't happy with it! see also: i would like to once again apologise for my tardiness :)

・❥・ike eveland x gn!reader

・❥・0.6k

・❥・heavy depression tw, dissociation, reader cries,, like a lot. physical touch, ike may be slightly ooc bc i haven't been keeping up w/ him lately. this was really, REALLY self indulgent and i apologise but it just happened.

ps. I cried twice whilst writing this lollll

ike x 💙

the emotions we’re overwhelming, almost unbearable. soft plush of the couch cushions beneath the weight of your body provided a seat as you hugged yourself, tears streaming down your face. nothing felt real in that moment. was it normal for people to feel this way, simply because of circumstance? was this an amplification of an insecurity of yours, or something more? 

you leaned against the back of the sofa, the cushion against your right ear providing white noise as you curled up against it, seeking comfort from it, somehow. 

your mind was suddenly impeded by a soft knock on your front door. you slowly uncurled yourself from your current position, trying to wipe the tears from your eyes in case you may have to answer. you felt pathetic, but knew you’d feel even worse if you had to open the door to someone you didn't want to see. you moved the cap on your door viewer to peer out at whoever was intruding upon your emotional outlet. 

the fisheye you stared through revealed none other than your boyfriend, who you had completely forgotten had arranged to come over today. you blinked your eyes rather desperately, trying to make it look like you hadn’t just been sobbing your eyes out. you pushed down the handle of the door after unlocking it, slowly pulling it towards yourself. 

you kept your head slightly lowered, hoping this would make it look like you were doing fine. he stepped into the room, heels clicking a little on the floor, bright smile not wavering when he entered your home. “hey sweetheart~” he cooed, smile slightly lowering when he realised you weren’t looking at him. “hi ike,” you spoke, voice cracking as you did. 

“is everything okay?” he asked, placing a hand on your shoulder in a failed attempt to get you to look up at him. you quickly nodded before trying to walk away to the living room again. 

“hey,” he spoke, voice lower and softer than before, “look at me. are you okay?” 

you nodded once again, trying your hardest to make eye contact with him. he could tell you had been crying, so clearly your methods of trying to make yourself look happy didnt work. as your eyes met his, you spoke again, “i’m fin-”. this time, another voice crack was the result of tears welling in your eyes, and face contorting into a frown. sudden uncontrollable bawling took over as he pulled you towards him instinctually, drowned sobs making their way into his shoulder. 

he knew you struggled like this sometimes, he knew sometimes it would hurt more than others, and he learned. he was willing to learn for you, he wanted to know how to help, how to make things feel a little lighter, whilst respecting that this was your battle to fight. 

“shh, it’s alright, i’m here now,” he whispered, quiet voice reverberating against you. “you should’ve called me over” he spoke, calmly leading you towards your couch where you would be able to take a seat with him. “i didn’t want you to worry,” you mumbled into his t-shirt.

it still didn’t feel real to you, you didn’t feel normal, not like this. if there’s one thing ike values, it’s honesty. maybe voicing your concerns would help you feel better.

“nothing feels real anymore,” you whispered, “it doesn’t even feel like you’re real. you’re tangible, but it’s just- do i sound stupid?”

“no, no you don’t sound stupid. but please remember that i’m right here, i’ve always been right here, and i’ll always be right here.” he said softly, “please don’t forget that”

“i won’t” you sniffled, knowing you were safe with him. 

“so,” he opened “what can i do to help?” 

sfw masterlist

© tartigglez, 2023. do not copy, translate or repost

[crimeronan]

re: your empathy posts. As someone who probably has higher than normal empathy (I used to ask people around me how they deal with sympathetic distress in common situations that occur in a job and only got blank stares) you're so valid!! The lionizing of this random subconscious process called empathy is so useless! It says nothing about the person and their values! As your other commenters suggested, people disparaging you may just be trying to boost their own shaky feelings about how their own emotional stability is deeply tied to their people-pleasing tendencies.

If anything, I think learning to function "normally" in society with "empathy" makes you more messed up. I understand this person's distress. I acknowledge it, and know how my actions will make it worse. I make them feel worse anyway, because that's the organizationally approved behavior, causing more pain for both them and myself. All the while I must behave as if I am cheerful and unbothered. Internalizing that hurting others and yourself to achieve your goals is Fine is necessary in order to stay sane. This is counter to everything people say they believe, so lying also has to become a virtue.

Buying kindness from the store seems like a really kind thing to do tbh. I am passing you on the street as I am schlupping over to pick up some callousness.

this last sentence made me giggle a lot. but YEAH!! a lot of this is spot-on to stuff i've been thinking about lately. like, "normal" empathy levels seem to be socially defined as "you care about people and want to help them, but you don't care so much that you'll harm yourself in pursuit of that" and it's all just..... i dunno. so much pathologizing of how we think and feel and whether we're Human (TM) about stuff. it's all so Weird

like..... i keep thinking that my lack of empathy gives me certain advantages in social situations. but in a similar vein to the ppl worried about sounding like tiktok empaths for being hyperempathetic, i worry that this makes me sound like an alpha male influencer writing youtube essays about why emotions make you weak, or whatever.

it's not that emotions make people weak or that having less empathy makes me like, a Cold Logical Calculating Math-Loving Strategist. i'm a writer who focuses solely on character-driven stuff, u probably wouldn't expect that from a stereotypically sociopathic person. part of why i LIKE writing character-driven stuff so much is BECAUSE i've had to actively teach myself how other people think, how they feel, how they struggle, etc

a lack of empathy means i can choose not to get invested in other people's feelings or lives, i don't feel guilty for emotionally disconnecting, i'm not afraid of being disliked. but i still know how to act like a decent human being. there's that one post about how stupid it is not to realize being nice gets people to be nice back, and fuckin. YEAH!! it's astonishing to me to read about cases of """clinical sociopaths""" (who are just people who didn't get the 'pretend you give a shit, moron' memo) manipulating and gaslighting people and whatnot. everyone in the comments will always be like "ooo so scary... they didn't feel bad at ALL... so terrifying that people who don't feel guilt exist..." and i'm like.

IS GUILT THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS YOU FROM COMMITTING ATROCITIES???

BLOWS MY MIND. IT'S LIKE..... THE LEFTIST EQUIVALENT OF SAYING EVERYONE WOULD BE MURDERERS IF THEY WERENT SCARED OF GOD. LIKE. YOU ONLY AVOID DOING BAD STUFF BC IT MAKES YOU FEEL BAD??????

good LORD. at least having no empathy means i've had to grow my principles organically. oh my GOD.

anyway what brought these thoughts up today was that i was thinking about gansey and luz noceda, since theyre extremely similar characters & on my All Time Faves list. and i've said this before but the things i love about them (the kindness, self-sacrificing shit, anxiety, etc) are things i don't see in myself. but Wish I Did. like i wish i was kinder on the inside than i am.

but i know that i admire ppl with luz and gansey traits both in fiction and in real life. so i simply just..... emulate the luz and gansey actions. not always successfully, esp because i have a temper and very little patience, but like. i try to be kind where i can bc i wish i was someone who tries to be kind when they can. so i'm just going to be. u know??

[florianwirtz]

Emotional junk incoming <3

I am trying to figure out how to put it into words how much Bayer Leverkusen winning the title means to me, so apologies if there is no coherence, correct grammar or whatsoever in this wall of text, but I really have to get this out of my mind <3

This blog started its football journey during the 2018 World Cup. I used to have the biggest crush on Julian Brandt who was also the reason why I started supporting Leverkusen the years prior. Before tumblr, I didn't know a single Leverkusen fan as I was a United fan first and supporting two clubs is a bit frowned up in football culture, especially when you do not have any territorial connections to them. However, I quickly found out that the tumblr community does not care who tf you support and welcomed me with open arms. There are so many lovely people with whom i had the pleasure to interact with and some who I even call my friends now.

I ain't gonna lie, the number of leverkusen blogs I was able to interact with is small and usually, it used to be the same 4 blogs posting content except when non-fans used to post content about popular players such as Julian or Kai, but just knowing that there were like-minded people around here made me appreciate them even more. Finally, I had people, who weren't the typical dudebro football fans, to talk (and complain) about the club I like.

I am not active on tumblr anymore, but winning this title reminds of the times when I used to live blog games with my few mutuals - times when we celebrated important wins, when we lost in some stupid way and we were just happy if we reached champions league at the end of the season or made it far in any competition. Times when we lost an important player and thought this is the end but then we got other players who made this team complete. Hence why I had to log in here again and speak out how much this title means to me.

Never ever in my time as a Leverkusen did I think that the team was capable of whatever this season is. I don't think any of us can believe what is currently happening. I wasn't a fan back then when Leverkusen bottled three chances to win a trophy and the name Vizekusen/Neverkusen was born, but I remember the times we were so close to win one and yet something always came in between and we were wondering if we would ever get rid of this name because we weren't sure if we would ever get a chance like that again.

And today, it finally happened and I am tearing up just thinking about it. Thinking about all the former players who have suffered with us, who gave everything for this club and are part of the reason why this current team is flourishing rn.

So I am dedicating this to my mutuals @musialawirtzrichten @loserkusen @nickcassldy and countless other leverkusen blogs who have either deactivated or most likely have moved on from tumblr or I forgot to mention bc i have the brain of a fish lmao 😭. Thank you so much for making leverkusen tumblr the way it is, i always had so much fun interacting and suffering with you guys ❤️❤️ we mfing deserve this trophy after countless years of suffering.

hopefully this is just the beginning 🖤

DEUTSCHER MEISTER SVB 🖤