#didge watches ninjago

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I really appreciate Cole and Zane’s gay little workers union + revolution subplot in Season 4. Like okay unite the working class while Jay spits out one liners and Kai acts heterosexual 🤪

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"tWo bOYs, oNE hEaRT?" Stfu misako a polycule could save them

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Reassigning the Main Six Ninja Weapons Because I Lowkey Hate Them

The more I watch Ninjago, the more I realize one thing: I hate the weapons assigned to the ninja. Like, LOATHE them.

So, to fix that, here's me reassigning the ninja weapons that fit their element/fighting style/overall vibes more!

Before I start, I will acknowledge that: a) Ninjago is meant to sell toy sets. I get it. The weapons were probably chosen off of what stereotypical ninja weapon looks coolest, and b) that being a Lego restricts what can be made (it’s hard to make Lego gauntlets the size of a minifigure. I get it.), and c) I’m insane and really enjoy the different types of premodern combat weapons the world has to offer and they probably thought people over the age of 11 wouldn’t get quite as invested into Ninjago as I would.

Anyways. Me being a hater outweighs all those disclaimers. This post is a little bit of an essay, so I put everything under the cut.

Cole: I'm starting with Cole because he is, by far, the WORST. He's the reason I made this post.

What screams "rocks, dirt, earth and superstrength" more than a scythe? Just about every other option! In the show, Cole barely even uses his scythe, opting to instead throw hands, which makes so much more sense for someone with SUPERSTRENGTH. Scythes are notoriously not actually weapons and are not good at being a viable weapon. They are hard to inflict damage with due to their limited range and shape of the blade, and the blade can be snapped off with enough force (which Cole has in spades). Piercing an enemy is difficult as the point of a scythe is curved and flat and very small, and very far away from the user so accuracy is also difficult. Big sweeping strikes are not optimal as they are easy to block or evade. If he was the elemental ninja of nature or plants or whatever, he'd get a pass for aesthetics because farmers use scythes.

The solution is to lean into Cole’s strength: strength. Give him gauntlets, like Vi from Arcane or Generator Rex. He's a close range brick shithouse, might as well make him even more of one. Other options for the “boxer on steroids” theme include push daggers (small knives designed for in-between the fingers) or, to really push home the "ninja" bit, give him Chinese deer horn knives.

But, gauntlets aren’t the only weapon associated with feats of strength. To keep with the original scythe having a handle, he could also be given a large hammer or axe, like Amy Rose or Hilda from Fire Emblem: 3 Houses. He’s big and strong and needs something that can handle-and dish out- that same power.

Jay: the second worst offender. He, to me, is the opposite of Cole- the unstoppable force to Cole's immovable object. He is based around speed and long range, and NUNCHAKU ARE ONLY ONE OF THOSE THINGS. It's also very difficult to conduct electricity with such a short weapon, when chain lightning is basically thee lightning attack.

Give him a chain whip (metal is a conductor, after all) or a rope dart. Something that can be thrown far and whipped around (WHIP? LIKE HIT SONG AND NINJAGO THEME WEEKEND WHI-). It’s also a very flashy and eye catching weapon that needs quite a bit of movement and precision to use, and I think it suits Jay’s personality well! He’s a very intelligent character and something that needs precision and maybe even calculations would fit him. Rope darts in particular are, well, as quick as lightning. Speed is his greatest ally, and the wide range and high flexibility allotted to him serves to only make his job easier.

Zane: Shuriken aren’t the worst thing, but they also don’t fit Zane. He's a versatile fighter when it comes to range and never uses his shuriken close-up since they’re typically used as throwing weapons and are too small to really be good at defensive maneuvers.

I would give him either a polearm or chakrams- both weapons that can be either short or long range and take skill to master. (Chakrams are circular blades that originate from India and Southeast Asia that can be thrown or used as hand to hand weapons.) I could also see Zane using throwing knives- once again, they are both long- and short-range weapons that a user can have multiple at a time. In fan art, I usually see him drawn with a bow and arrow (I’m only on season five so I don’t know if he does switch to a bow as his go to weapon), but unless he’s Legolas, if an enemy gets close, he’s cooked.

Lloyd: Lloyd suffers from Specialest Character Syndrome, where the Specialest Character gets the most boring weapon because that’s the most easily identifiable one. He has a katana, which, yeah, cool, he’s a ninja…BORING!! I think he should get Jay’s nunchaku. One of the biggest themes around Lloyd is duality. He’s the green ninja, he’s the golden ninja. He’s so young, but also old after being forcefully aged. He’s a human…but half oni. He’s the son of Garmadon, but the protector of Ninjago, etc. Having a double-grip weapon symbolizes that and allows for enough speed and enough brute strength for him to use effectively. And it’s very ninja.

Kai: Specialest Character Syndrome #2. He’s the Main Guy, and as the Main Guy of a Team, he gets to be red. And have a sword. And have fire powers. It’s just how these things work. It’s cliched, yes, but fire is an interesting element. It’s quick, but devastating. Strong and painful, but not solid.

A sword allows for quick, successive strikes, but also allows for heavy and powerful swings. It’s a good balance, and very unassuming. For someone like Kai, who thought he was the Green Ninja and likes being the center of attention, having such a simple and basic weapon and being forced to learn it’s actually a good choice with a lot of versatility would work. (I can practically hear him complaining: “but, Sensei, even Jay’s weapon is cooler than mine!”) I think he should stick with the sword! There are lots of types depending on the area of the world and time period, so this allows a lot of flexibility.

Nya: I'm not that far into the series so I actually haven't seen her become a ninja and am going off of vibes alone.

Make her spear a trident. Guys. C’mon. It's RIGHT THERE. I think a spear fits the elegant and fluid nature of water, and trident goes with the theme! Yeah, it’s a little obvious, but sometimes you just gotta commit to the bit.

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Everyone during the Tournament of Elements: who's the spy??!!! It could be ANYONE!!!

Me, screaming, crying: ITS SKYLOR YOU DUMB FUCKS!!! ITS SO OBVIOUS P L E A S E

Me, immediately locking back in when I remember Ninjago is rated y-7 and meant for the brains of elementary schoolers and not the brain of someone in college: who could the spy possibly be...

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Yeah i get that having zane fall in love with the first female robot he laid eyes on is a cop out. That being said I love pixal and their relationship. She is quickly becoming a blorbo of mine fr fr

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Ninjago city being in the middle of a desert is so funny. Like if Sensei Wu was a little different they would all be cowboys. Farmer Wu and his group of gun totin', horse ridin' cowboys. Spinjitzu is actually a special technique of lassoing or something

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Chat I can't tell if ninjaball run is a steel ball run reference or having races end with "___ball run" is an actual thing