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the-monkey-ruler · 1 year ago

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Is there a list of all the challenges the pilgrims went thru and what they mean/represent?

There is a list of all the challenges that the pilgrims went through as graciously given by GuanYin in the last chapter.

What they are meant to represent, though I think would be more up to the reader's interpretation, and while I would love to give each trial its own literary analysis, afraid that for 81 trials, that would come out to be more of an essay worthy of being a thesis than anything else.

But I could try to give a little snippet to each one.

1. Gold Cicada banished is the first ordeal [chap. 8]; Particularly the first few ordeals are just for Tang Sanzang (唐僧) in particular and that Sanzang's first life being banished from heaven does have a lot of meaning when it comes to how important both being attentive in a lesson and the rice the Golden Cicada (金蟬子) spilled. We do not know a lot about the Golden Cicada in particular beyond his role as the Buddha's second disciple, and his friendship with Immortal Zhen Yuanzi (hence why he wanted to give him the ginseng fruits). Also that the information about Sazang being the Golden Cicada was leaked and wasn't intended to be well-known among demons. For a more in-depth look at him, try here! Sanzang is based on the Monk Xuanzang who went on his own 17-year-long journey to India and from there recorded his own called the Great Tang Records on the Western Regions and was popularly re-told again and again until it was what inspired the Xiyouji we have today! Despite being the reincarnation of the Golden Cicada, Sanzang was chosen for his own merit, being a kind and compassionate soul, hand-picked by Guanyin herself. He is to face many tribulations in his life starting at his birth.

2. Being almost killed after birth is the second ordeal [chap. 9]; Sanzang was about to be murdered by his stepdad Liu Hong with the help of his fellow boatman Li Biao until his mother had to save him. Liu Hong murdered his father, Chen Guangrui, but luckily he was saved by a river dragon that he contingency saved him before when he was trapped as a carp and Chen Guangrui put him back into the river. Moreso just highlights how he was separated from his parents and his mother's love which is something he’s leading bullied for. The river does have a lot of symbolic meeting later down the line, especially when they get to the end of the journey and again, they have to cross the river. But this is definitely the start of his new life and can also show how it’s also the start of his next life.

3. Being thrown in the river hardly a month old is the third ordeal [chap. 9]; That is kinda symbolic of him being put into fate's hands to lead him on his path to being a monk but more just setting him up for his monk life. He was founded by the Jinguang Temple and was raised as Jiang Liuer or River Float. Again this touches on how this is the start of his new life from the one that he could’ve been born into, but instead due to circumstances he was directed into a life of being a monk. I believe that the original Xuanzang started being a monk around 10 years old but here it shows that even before he was a year old he was adopted into the monastery.

4. Seeking parents and their vengeance is the fourth ordeal [chap. 9]; Sazang at the age of 18 was really pushed to find his parents after being bullied by his classmates. I did find it interesting as this was like the first time Sanzang was upset enough to get revenge for his parents, finding his maternal grandparents and blind fraternal grandmother and rallying soldiers to arrest the men that 'killed' his father and have them executed. All within the confines of the law of course but still the only time we see him trying to seek out that kind of justice. While the men were still brought to justice, his mother was in a horrible depression after being forced into marriage with her husband's murderer. Luckily the after does come back from healing underwater right now. Would have been a big happy family but his mother still took her own life despite clearing her name...

5. Meeting a tiger after leaving the city is the fifth ordeal [chap.13]; This was when General Yin (寅將軍) came and captured them as General Yin is the first yaoguai that Sanzang encounters and he is a tiger yaoguai.Kinda interesting as his element is meant to be fire and the tiger is a fire element as well. Hence why I believe why that Sanzang was the one to make Wukong's tiger pelt to show their connection and later down the line, he becomes a tiger as well. There is a legend that in the Han Dynasty Li Guang shot a tiger despite there being a lack of known tiger populations suggesting General Yin is an extinct North China tiger.

6. Falling into a pit and losing followers is the sixth ordeal [chap.13]; Sanzang losing his first two disciples sounds pretty traumatizing (though we never get their names) I know some media has it that they ran away to save themselves but these guys really tried to keep him safe but ended up dying as well. They were eaten by the Bear Mountain Lord (熊山君) and Occupier of a Special Place (特處士) These were the three monsters right outside Gongzhou city and it is said that because Sanzang was so eager to leave that morning extra early was the cause of their meeting. He was in such a rush they fell into his trap. To think he just started and just for his own enthusiasm he and others are to be punished for that. Horrible start to a journey. It was an a lot to say about these demons in particular, except that they were able to get away with their crimes and never address again. It was only because of Taibai Jinzing that he was able to survive.

7. The Double-Fork Ridge is the seventh ordeal [chap.13]; This is where he lost his followers and he was on his own, about to be eaten by just normal animals SEVERAL times. Very nature vs man fight right there as it was clear he was not able to handle it himself. Maybe this was the start of his having to humble himself that he really can't do this on his own. After losing his disciples and being saved Sanzang had to go up the mountain alone. It was only when Liu Boqin the hunter was able to save him last minute from being eaten alive that he was even able to make it to the next mountain. He did exercise their home of their relative's spirit free of charge for spending the night and they gracefully made him a vegetarian diet when he excused himself from dinner.

8. The Mountain of Two Frontiers is the eighth ordeal [chap. 13]; This is where he had to save Sun Wukong (孙悟空), and the start of where they are going through ordeals together. These two come from such different backgrounds with one being an ex-warlord and the other being a young monk. Ther are so many different dichotomies to be played with how Wukong and Sanzang reflect each other with how they but heard to how they interact with one another. Wukong being a symbolic meaning of the Mind while Sanzang is the symbolic meaning of the Heart. This being in the character 心 that they would both share. Esnically they are to both play the struggle on the journey as while they are struggling with different battle, both can reflect the other. Sanzang is battling a mental fight while Wukong’s battles are more of will. And both endure physical fights as well. Wukong Wukong it is about endurance while Sanzang it is about survival. Sanzang is going into the world to be question and tempted on everything he has ever known, while Wukong must learn how to rain in his desires for bloodshed and temper, both fighting an uphill battle. There are so many connections between the two but this start does show that Wkong was more than grateful to Sanzang for saving him from under the mountain and even comes back on his own because he does want to keep that promise. Sazang is more than happy to take him on but within their week he has already see how bloodthirsty Wukong is when they encountered 6 robbers. Wukong plays with them before killing them soundly which led to their first fight about what it means to value life. This was a lot about trying to have two flawed people with different worldviews can be around one another, knowing that one needs the other but the other knowing he has to repay him back while also having them both being on equal footing. Wukong is so much more powerful than Sanzang and Sanzang is just a normal human being trying his best in a terrifying situation. It’s also to be noted that symbolically they are two different philosophies as well, Sanzang has been written to be more Confucius in this version and Wukong practicing a more Daoist attitude. The start of their relationship is fascinating in that Wukong can show such gratitude but also let his rage get the best of him whenever he is met with criticism and Sanzang also has a quick temper and hates being proven wrong but is forced to see the world with new eyes full of dangers he never knew and has to keep moving on. They both are lost in their own worlds at the start but it is fascinating to see how they grow as the journey continues.

9. Changing horse at a steep brook is the ninth ordeal [chap.15]; Wukong fighting with The White Dragon Horse (白龍馬) and changing out the horse can have a LOT of meaning in a previous post. Paricualty how the horse and the monkey have such a deep meaning with one another when it comes to the Mind Monkey and the Horse of Will and what they mean for one another. Before the Havoc in Heaven with Wukong rejecting to be the Bimawen he wasn't ready to practice self-control and train his mind but how he captured Bailong and started the journey shows how this journey is his path to self-reflection. He is finally putting in the work and dedication needed to change who he is, at first as a sign of gratitude for his life being saved, but now it is also seen as him having the inner perspective that he needs to change if he wishes to show his gratitude and perhaps becomes a better version of himself. Bailong is the third son of Ao Run, the Dragon King of the West Sea, and is called the third prince of Yulong. He was sentenced to death by his biological father for setting fire to the jewel in the temple and was rescued by Guanyin. He was waiting in Yingchou Stream of Snake Pan Mountain but he did lose his scales, horns sawed off, and formed into a horse for most of the journey.

10. Burning by fire at night is the tenth ordeal [chap.16]; this was mostly how Wukong rather than stopping the fire that the Jinchi Elder (金池长老) at the temple tried to kill Sanzang for his cassock, Wukong actually increase the flames so that Sanzang was the only one safe but everything around them burned to the ground. This could be about these monks' own hubris and how it was their own downfall, Wukong just took the chance to push it over the edge. But it is to show that anyone could be an enemy within the journey as well, there are good and bad yaoguai, good and bad celestials, and even good or bad monks, whether they be Daoist or Buddhist. Anyone can make mistakes and be pushed to the edge if the temptation is there, hence the need for constant struggle to keep oneself in check. This abbot, in particular, couldn't handle that he just lost everything in a fire and did commit suicide before Wukong could question him about the cassock. In his moment of greed, he let himself try to take the life of another person and instead lost every material wealth he valued, valued more than his own life apparently as he did not wish to continue to life without it.

11. Losing the cassock is the eleventh ordeal [chap.16]; this was Wukong's own hubris being his downfall as none of this would have happened if he listen to Sanzang and didn't show off their cassock. Sanzang was against the idea claiming that he didn't want to show off and perhaps draw attention to his own treasures but Wukong has always been a shameless individual (and we love him for that) and loves to show off even what isn't his. Letting the Jinchi Elder at the Abbey look at their cassock, leading to being taken by the Black Wind King (黑風怪) who was the one teaching the Jinchi Elder how to live longer in exchange to learn more about Buddhist scriptures. Funny enough it might be this that saved him as when Wukong got Guanyin to help capture him he was taken under his wing as the Mountain Guard of her sanctuary. At this point, more humans have died on this journey than demons lmao. Also Wukong first instinct of using vore as a tactic. This whole chapter was to symbolize greed and what it can do to a person. Even Black Wind King intended to go to the abbey to help stop the fire but was so intrigued with the cassock that he forgot about his friend, the Elder, and left with the treasures. One can't be able or willing to help their friends in a time of need if they are blinded by their own greed and this need to get rid of that greed. It is also in this chapter that Guanyin disguises herself as Lingxuzi (淩虛子) a wolf spirit that Wukong had killed Wukong jokes that Guanyin has turned into a demon, and Guanyin laughs along but does say how "One's origin means nothing." She is suggesting that it doesn't matter if one is a human or a demon for it is what is in the heart that matters, and Guanyin shows that if someone still has greed in their heart, then it is what makes them a demon. Even she could become a demon if she allowed greed in her heart for greed, hatred, and ignorance (plus two others) at the roots are suffering. Black Wind Demon's own greed led to the death of two of his friends White Robe Scholar (白衣秀士) and Lingxuzi despite their friendship.

12. Bringing Eight Rules to submission is the twelfth ordeal [chaps.18-19]; Zhu Bajie (豬八戒) being the 12th ordeal! I have definitely gone off about Bajie and changes throughout the story here but I do know there is a lot I didn't get a chance to say. Once a Marshall of Heaven was sent to earth after coping a feel on Chang'e when he was drunk he was reborn as a pig to regain his merit. Wukong pretending to be his wife Gao Cuilan to lure Bajie into a false sense of security is just hilarious all the way around but our first taste in how Bajie was pretending to be a hardworking man only to stop working once he thought he finally got what he wanted. I think this was kinda a jab at how people once they get what they want change into who they truly are. Bajie is to represent the desires, most of the body and mind as he lets his jealousy of Wukong cloud even his own judgment. His own slander and need to provoke Wukong is played both for comedy and drama within the story as it is only when Bajie started cutting off the desires of his heart does he becomes a team player, even becoming Wukong's best helper in fights as they work together to defeat demons and ride west. Although he never makes it to the point where he loses all his vices as Wukong or Sanzang did in the end, he still showed much more sincerity and concentration than at the start, the genuine desire to help others finally coming through. He is to represent a human's hard-working, simple, and straightforward qualities; you don't have to be the smartest or the strongest to still be valued by those around you. He is to represent a human's greedy and selfish nature but also that people have the ability for more than that as well. He is a to be a human, a god, and a pig in his nature. Even his name is a limitation set on him of what he can and cannot eat, a constant reminder that he is supposed to abide by these new rules for his own good. He is the clown of the story, there to offer entertainment through more low-brow humor while Wukong covers more high-brow human (piss jokes aside) but also Bajie is to be seen as what one's own insecurities can do to a person if they are overwhelmed by them, only being a harm to others and themself. I think a lot of people can relate to Bajie as well, as while Sanzang and Wukong are to be the heroes of the story Bajie is to be the one that still has vices that he must battle. Wukong struggles are far different from Bajie's own struggles and it depends on the person to who they can relate more. Bajie's different personality does make him hard to work with but more often than people find him cute and even relate to his desires for a simple life. He is a selfish, lazy, simple-minded, playful, and hard-working coward full of dichotomies and changes. They say his origin may lie with the story "猪臂金铃" by Gan Bao in Jin Dynasty. Or that he was inspired by He Bo Feng Yi, because the prototype of Feng Yi is a pig. Wu Zimu's "Meng Liang Lu" mentioned that "Tianpeng" was originally a Taoist fairy official. Some people also think that the prototype of Zhu Bajie comes from Indian Buddhist scriptures, as Chen Yinke said. There is a portrait of "Pig Head Bodhisattva" in the Thousand Buddha Caves in Kizil, Xinjiang, excavated in the early Tang Dynasty. He is called "Marizhitian" in Buddhist scriptures. Zhu Bajie has something in common.

13. Being blocked by the Yellow Wind Fiend is the thirteenth ordeal [chap. 20]; This one is funny cause Sanzang actually was worried about demons down this path, only for Wukong to assure him that he could handle it. And of course, Wukong got excited in a fight and left Sanzang alone so he can join Bajie in his fight against a Tiger Vanguard (虎先鋒). He was the one to actually use the "Golden Cicada Escape" to shed his tiger pelt and escape Wukong... which is gross. But he was killed by Bajie eventually. The first time I think Wukong gets his taste that he can't just fight he needs to learn how to protect. However, Wukong was blinded by Yellow Wind Demon (黃風怪) and his Samadhi Wind leading to Bajie having to help him out to be healed. Yellow Wind Demon is our first demon that is an escaped Heavenly beast that needed to be subdued and captured. He was able to gain his humanoid form by listing to scriptures at the food of Lingshan and stealing oil in a glass cup. Funny enough he is to be considered a demon that didn't see Saznag worth eating as he was already tired of cultivating from Taoism.

14. Seeking aid with Lingji is the fourteenth ordeal [chap. 21]; This was more just for them searching for someone that can subdue Yellow Wind Demon and they finally found Lingji Bodhisattva to get his weasel. Think this could be the first time Wukong starts to let it sink in that he needs to rely not only on other people but even start to get help from even immortals, celestials, or other Yoaguai if need be. It was also here that Wukong was the first time critically injured forcing him to rely on Bajie in his blinded state until Guanyin was able to heal his eyes.

15. Hard to cross Flowing-Sand is the fifteenth ordeal [chap. 22]; this is when they meet Sha Wujing (沙悟淨)! I do love this arc myself as they were only fighting because of miscommunication and Wujing didn't know that was the monk he was waiting for and that Wukong's first choice is often "hit first ask questions later." Also that Wujing possibly ate all of Sanzang's past lives. But needless to say, they were having trouble crossing the Flowing Sands River as it was far too long and too deep for anyone to travel without a boat. I did talk about Wujing's importance in the novel before and his importance to the book desire for his quiet role. He claims he made the monk's head into a necklace, not knowing what else he wished to do with them as not even a goose feather was able to flow on the Flowing-Sand River, so he knows they must have been special. Wukong and Bajie did make a plan to lure Wujing out of the river but because of Wukong's impatience, Wujing was able to get away from them time and time again. This led to Wukong having to get Guanyin who cleared up the whole miscommunication.

16. Taking in Sha Monk is the sixteenth ordeal [chap. 22]; I do find this funny that by crossing the river and then actually finally communicating with Wujing, Wujing has able to have the upper hand against two stronger opponents because of his location in the river. Maybe this could suggest this was harder on the group as either this was more than just replacing the previous guards, or that Wujing being an ex-cannibal was a larger hurdle to overcome. Wujing was the Rolling Curtain General in Heaven who broke a glass cup at the Peach Blossom Festival. Whether this is an act of anger, defiance, or even an accident is hard to tell but he was punished by being sent to the Flowing-Sands River to be pierced by flying swords for every seven days, being spared the death penalty. This is what lead him to hide in the river to avoid this punishment and eat all the fish in the river and started eating humans as well. Wujing plays the role of more of the last line of defense if Bajie or Wukong is out of the picture at the moment, leading to him having fewer moments of both skill display and power as his elder brothers are the ones to take the spotlight first. But he is the best when it comes to guarding and even underwater adventures, proving to be a reliable and level-headed member of the team. Though his anger and emotions do start to become more prevalent as time goes on, his stoic behavior melts as he becomes more emotive, both with happiness and sadness, throughout the journey. He is to be considered both gently and conservatively but not afraid of hardships and indispensable. He is considered rough after years of isolation but he is true intentions, and despite his brutish looks he has spiritual wisdom that he speaks a few times. he is to be loyal and selfish, he is most willing to bear the more laborious tasks of carrying the luggage but another sign of his dedication. While easy-going and obedient, he doesn't stand out too often due to his more quiet nature and thus being overshadowed by his louder elder brothers. While his obedience is noted he rarely gets a chance to speak his own thoughts, only showing more willingness to speak as the years go on. He is the least distracted of his brothers as he takes his role as a protector very seriously, trying earnestly to learn but also very laid back when it comes to participating otherwise. He's a symbol of 'clarity of mind' showing his obedience and kindness but at the cost of showing his own emotions. It is only in moments of crisis he is able to express himself, either expressing great anger or great encouragement to his brother in times of need. People see him often as the most unlucky of the pilgrims suffering the most for one of the weakest crimes, leading him to have a subdued spirit and lacking resistance to fighting back. But he has shown to be a righteous fighter with a strong will in both words and deeds and while he is content with his life, a contract to those that are eager for quick success and instant benefits, Wujing is able to enjoy in the present. Some scholars believe that the Wukong comes from the image of the deep sand god of Esoteric Buddhism from "The Poetry of the Tripitaka of the Tang Dynasty" as Shensha. Shensha God exists as an authentic Buddhist god however, in the scriptures translated by Zhu Tanwulan in the Eastern Jin Dynasty, Shensha and Fuqiu existed as evil spirits, rather than Dharma protectors. In the Tang Dynasty, the worship of Shensha God was serious

17. The Four Sages' epiphany is the seventeenth ordeal [chap. 23]; this was when they were met with Lishan Old Mother, Guanyin Bodhisattva, Manjusri Bodhisattva, and Puxian Bodhisattva disguised as a widow with three daughters. Of course, they were tested to give up the monk lifestyle for a good wife and a land full of luxury. And each one gave up that temptation. Sanzang for his mission, Wukong had no interest, and Wujing would rather focus on his redemption, but Bajie was the one to give in in the end (after being bulled a bit by his fellow brothers). This was more for comedic effect was Bajie was greedy and wanted to marry all three daughters, leading him to be blindfolded and resulting in a buried face and nose. He got trapped in a pearl shirt over it and when he woke in the morning tied to a tree he promised to give up the idea of finding a wife and focus on his goal to get the scriptures in the end.

18. The Five Villages Temple is the eighteenth ordeal [chap. 24]; this would most likely be when Wukong and the gang stole the ginseng fruits and were being punished for it. Sanzang denied them being off put how human-like they looked while Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing enjoyed three for themselves, Bajie wanting more afterwards. Because Qingfeng (清風) and Mingyue (明月) (both are to be about 1,200 to 1,300 years old but have child bodies) wouldn't stop insulting Sanzang and the gang Wukong lost his temper and destroyed their tree. The Great Zhenyuan Immortal (鎮元大仙) of the Abbey (a friend of the Golden Cicada) was going to boil them alive for ruining his ginseng fruit tree. Wukong was able to get away about twice times I think but they would run away all night only to be caught in the morning, meaning they went three days without sleep trying to run away. This was the first time Bajie, Wujing, and Wukong did something together and the first time the fillet was even mentioned to Bajie and Wujing. But otherwise, Wukong did feel responsible for Sanzang being punished when he was defending his students against the other immortals' accusations, even going so far as to say he will repay them back for the fruits himself because his disciples are his responsibility. But Wukong let his anger get the best of him and ruined the whole tree which only escalated the situation.

19. The ginseng hard to revive is the nineteenth ordeal [chap. 26]; Wukong tried serval times to trick Zhenyaun with imitation clones to avoid their beating without it working. This is where Wukong went to Gaunyin to fix the tree after he found he couldn't fix the tree himself. He relies on Guanyin a lot in these ordeals as she was able to heal the tree without huge issues from her previous experience. In the end, they were able to enjoy another taste of the ginseng fruits and even got the Immortal to be his sworn brother after that. The ginseng fruits are to be considered a sign of spiritual roots that needs 10,000 years to bloom, bear fruit, and ripen and giving 47,000 years on someone's lifespan if they eat one and 360 years just by smelling one. Zhenyaun is a master when it comes to roots and how everyone has spiritual roots and can return to these roots instead of the obstinate learning of emptiness and extinction, mistaking the human root and ignoring the immortal root

20. Banishing the Mind Monkey is the twentieth ordeal [chap. 27]; This was def the hardest time in the pilgrimage I have already talked about this a lot here about how it means who is right versus giving someone the benefit of the doubt. White Bone demon (白骨精) is clearly the bad guy and obviously wants to eat and kill Sanzang but also despite her intentions she hasn't done anything yet either. Wukong just knows demons enough that any demon trying to hide their true self is simply just trying to lure their prey into a false sense of security. And while Wukong is so very right to be suspicious, Sanzang also has that mindset that he should give everyone a chance until proven wrong. That whether Wukong is right or wrong, if he should be allowed to kill someone who hasn't hurt them yet and that Sanzang should trust Wukong's judge of character when it comes to how demons operate. Sanzang is still naive in his thinking of course but not having faith in his own disciples as well. Wukong has shown that he doesn't hesitate to distinguish between human and demon at this point but still, Wukong's understanding of how demons operate should have been listening too. Didn't help that every time Sanznag was about to believe him Bajie would turn up for payback at the teasing for being hung by Guanyin. This was the true test of the pilgrim's loyalty to only another as Sanzang let his anger get the best of him while Wukong was quick to show that he was right before risking Sanzang being kidnap and risking his life. This was all part of White Bone Demon's plan to separate Wukong from the group, allowing her to finally prey on Sanzang, until Wukong used the other gods of the day and night to hold her to finally get rid of her. Her plan still worked as Sanzang banished Wukong thinking he was out of control and not even he could help. She was the first demon to learn about eating Sanzang would give one a longer lifespan, something not even Yellow Wind knew about. This one is really a test of character and if you can to should judge a person on what they are or rather their action, but even then if their intentions are true or not. There is giving people the benefit of the doubt but there is also being naive and too trusting with one's own safety. The Bone Demon some inspiration from the drama "The Peony Pavilion", which was written almost at the same historical period as "Journey to the West", the heroine Du Liniang in the play was exhumed and opened by Liu Mengmei three years after her death, and was resurrected. The two married in private and Tang Xianzu clearly stated in the script "Inscription" that "it seems that the capital of the Jin Dynasty guards Li Zhongwen, and Guangzhou guards the affairs of the sons and daughters of General Feng Xiao." What is said is all about the "resurrection" of the young girl who was born in the sky in traditional Chinese culture.

21. Getting lost at Black Pine Forest is the twenty-first ordeal [chap. 28]; This was def how Sanzang was kidnapped by the Yellow Robe Demon (黃袍怪) right off the bat. He is another example of a celestial coming from heaven, but instead of being a beast that cultivated and came to earth, this is the first human/deity that does so. He was the Kuimu Wolf Star of the 28 stars in the sky but he wished to be with a Jade Servant and together they planned to escape heaven and meet on earth (because getting married in heaven is taboo). It was only when Bajie went to find food did he fall asleep on his duties, and as such Wujing follows after him thinking he got lost. And of course, Sanang is about to faint he gets so hungry and wanders off to get food and WALKS RIGHT INTO A DEMON LAIR. It was disguised as a pagoda and he thought he would find monks there but still. From there, Sanzang meets the princess to rely on her family where she is. But Yellow Robe Demon only let Sanzang go when the Princess asked him to and Bajie was under the delusion that he could protect Sanzang without Wukong's help. There is a lot of good Wujing and Bajie moments here since they are the one playing off each either but Bajie is getting a bigger head than he should have head only leads to more trouble down the line.

22. Sending a letter to Precious Image Kingdom is the twenty-second ordeal [chap.29]; It was only through the princess's mercy that Saznag was the one to send the king the Princess's letter about her kidnapping. This task was easy enough in itself but does lead Yellow Robe Demon to know that the monks gave away their position and thus starts his plan for revenge. Bajie of course volunteers himself to go save the princess thinking it would be fine, but Sanzang urges Wujing to join else he knows that Bajie is going to get killed. I do like how they worried about each other but now they are the ones to save a princess. I really think this is more Bajie's journey at this point, him being so full of himself now that Wukong is gone only to be knocked down to his lowerest when he sees that he really can't do all this on his own. It is given here that the gods of day and night do assist Bajie and Wujing when Sanzang in near, kinda like a boost, but without Sanzang near Bajie and Wujing lost the battle horribly. More great scenes of Wujing protecting the princess too. It is said this trial could be about the relationship between a husband and wife. Yellow Robe and the Princess are like the wood that restrains soil. The one who restrains the husband is a wife, the earth color is yellow, and she is a yellow woman; The "robe" is covered with wood and soil, but it is a loess garment, and the yellow robe is added to the body, which is also an image of exercising power at the right time. It describes the appearance of a devil, and it is called "blue face and blue hands", and the general shape is green with the color of wood.

23. Changing into a tiger at the Golden Chimes Hall is the twenty-third ordeal [chap.30]; This one is another connection between Sanzang and the tiger as he was turned into one by Yellow Robe Demon and hunted by the people of the palace. He was stabbed, whipped, and captured and it was said id he didn't have the spirit protect him and that it isn't his destiny to die that night HE WOULD HAVE DIED from the torture. It was said that it was enough pain that 20 other monks would have died over it and reduced to minced meat. I cannot stress enough that he was TORTURED. He couldn't speak, he couldn't communicate, and no one believed him when he said he wasn't a demon... but no one listened. I really think this reflects how Wukong felt when Sanzang didn't listen to what he said. The tables were turned and Sanzang felt what Wukong felt in that moment of what it is like not to be listened to and being punished for trying to be honest. Yellow Robe was able to completely have everyone on his side with his good looks and magic abilities but at the same point, Sanzang was the object of ridicule here. And sadly this isn't included here but Bailong stepping up and trying to attack the Yellow Robe Demon himself. He didn't succeed but he did succeed in getting Bajie to go get Wukong which I really think it the crux of the story itself. Bajie knew he had to right to ask Wukong, he was the one that made Sanzang push him away even if that wasn't his intention. It was Bajie finally humbling himself and while he still wasn't honest in his intentions Wukong would clearly see that Bajie was trying to downplay his own grievances. There was a single scene where when Wukong was done teasing Bajie in that he wasn't coming he does ask to stop and let him bathe. He had killed about 10,000 hunters when he was back home and I think this was him trying to cleanse himself of that sin before going back to meet his brothers. I don't think he regrets what he did... but he defiantly didn't want them to know about what he has done when he was gone. That he was so quick to go back to being violent and murderous without any supervision and this single act was his only way to try to rid himself of that past. Even in the end when Wukong meets with Sanzang again, he acknowledges that Sanzang is the kind of man that even pities demons, not that he didn't believe him that she was a demon, but that even human OR demon Sanzang didn't agree to kill her before she commits any crimes (yet). And whether he was wrong or right for having that stance, he was still the one to push Wukong to leave which was his own downfall in giving up on Wukong. Wukong knew that White Bone was going to attack and his mission was to protect but over and over again Wukong shows that in coming back was how he recognizes the differences between them. Wukong was the one to accept that they may not agree on everything but didn't have to make them at odds. And it was in the end that Wujing and Bajie other addressed how they stood by and let Wujing get kicked out, kneeling down to show their regret for their inaction or sabotage. Wukong has the stance that he doesn't forgive easily, rather than dealing out punishment harshly but it was only here that we see him saving Sanzag in his tiger body. Sanzang even says that he owes everything to Wukong and that he should have all the merit for his actions. I think that Sanzang could learn through his own struggles what it means to be looked over and ignored when they were in the right as well, and only then could he see what he was putting Wukong through as well.

24. Meeting demons at Level-Top Mountain is the twenty-fourth ordeal [chap. 32]; this was the chapter they meet Golden Horned King (金角大王) and Silver Horned King (銀角大王). These two are also heavenly beings that fell from heaven, being Laozi's fire tenders that stole five of his magical weapons and wanted to make it big on earth. Funny enough Bajie was the first to get kidnapped here because he went on ahead after being bullied a bit more into it. Good stuff. Wukong just thought if worst came to worst he could save Bajie himself... but it did lead to Sanzang and Wujing being kidnapped as well while Wukong was trapped under ANOTHER mountain and very pissed about it. This is where we get to see Wukong's greatest show of strength when he was about to run a comet speed with a demon weight about two mountains on his back. But Wukong was sadly put under ANOTHER mountain and forced to stay there until he bullied the mountain deity to GET IT OFF HIM. From there he was about to infiltrate and learn about the Brother Kings from Sly Devil (精细鬼) and Wily Worm (伶俐虫) not to be caught in their treasure... only to be caught in their treasure.

25. Being hung high at Lotus-Flower Cave is the twenty-fifth ordeal [chap. 33]; this was when Wukong finally was able to infiltrate the cave as Nine-Tailed Vixen (九尾狐狸) who might be the same fox from Fengshen Yanyi. There is a lot of history to the Nine Tails, especially in other media but she isn't a major enemy in Xiyouji as she is in other media. She is meant to be a punishment to Kong Zhou (along with two other demons) when he claimed to make Nvwa his concubine and thus Nvwa sent the Nine-Tails (and company) to reach havoc for him and his kingdom as his new concubine. She was only taken out by Jiang Ziya in the end as he was the only one to overpower the control she had in the courts. The idea was while they were created for the sake of chaos they got addicted to and disobey's Nvwa's decree in the end. That all being said in Xiyouji It is noted that this is the ONLY demon that Wukong has ever bowed to, even under the disguise of the servants Hill-Pawing Tiger and Sea-Lolling Dragon. He was forced to show her the same respect as a servant would their superior, leaving him to tear up from pure frustration. But she is killed by him without much fanfare or acknowledgment of her heavenly ties or connections with Nvwa. This chapter was especially good as while the gang was tied up in the cave being hung up and Bajie was up there and saw Wukong's ass just knowing it was him. But Wukong is founded out and they had to battle Nine Tail's little brother King Fox Number Seven (狐阿七). I can't say much here as Bajie was the one to take him out and Laozi was just able to save his fire tenders before Wukong beat them both to death (he already beat Silver Horn to death Golden Horn was just left). These two had the most treasures out of any of the demons they have fought before but at the same point, they only used two out of the three in a useful manner. They were both cautious in their planning but in the end, they were still overwhelmed but Wukong's own cleverness and cunningness as they got lazy and allowed Wukong to take advantage of their laziness. If anything there is something to be said about how the heavens are making trials for the pilgrims and purposely making their road harder, yes it is for the sake of them reaching the 81 trails mark to be enlightened but at the same point Wukong is right to call them out on that behavior.

26. Saving the ruler of Black Rooster Kingdom is the twenty-sixth ordeal [chap.37]; This was when Sanzang was met with the Black Rooster Kingdom's dead king and how they had to save him from the well. This was surprisingly similar to how Sanzang's own father 'died' and then revived as well. Might be a call back to his own trauma. Pretty much the kings advisor, someone he thought, as a Daoist Immortal came by to help him with his drought issues and while the drought was dealt with the king gave his utter trust in the immortal. Sadly, the Daoist was actually a cultivated demon in disguise as he tricked the king into getting closer to a well to push them down, and essentially kill him. From there the demon transformed himself into the king, and took over his life, from his kingly duties to his family. It shows that people that help you and you come to trust can still be using you and stab you in the back.

27. Running into a demon's transformed body is the twenty-seventh ordeal [chap.37]; So this is the Lion-Lynx demon (獅猁怪) or rather the Azure Lion (青毛狮子怪) as he will become to know later in the novel when he returns but right now he is solo and pretending to be king of the Black Rooster Kingdom. Saznag was visited by the ghost of the king, whose body was preserved in a well, VERY similar to how Saznag's own father's body was preserved as well. But Wukong was able to have the King's body become alive again with a immortal pill from Laozi and this trial took a more diplomatic approach as it was their goal to convince the prince first that Lion-Lynx that has been pretending to be his father. This leads to a lot of reveals and can't say too much there besides a family being reunited which is lovely and might be how Sanzang was reflected with his own. (He was lucky that the Lynx-Lion was gelded else his mom could have made some baby demons.) I can't say much beyond it was seeing a demon wanting to take another person's life, and while he served as a fine king, he still murdered someone that trusted him and took over his life.

28. Meeting a fiend in Roaring Mountain is the twenty-eighth ordeal [chap. 40]; this is when Red Boy (紅孩兒) was on the trail, mostly trying to get the guys to come and save him. Wukong actually does a good job of steering Sanzang away from Red Boy until Sanzang heard a child's cries for help and can't help but need to help him. Another trap of course but it shows that Sanzang still wants to help anyone he can even if there are demons after him and that is still seen now when Red Boy says that his parents have died and he is all alone. Wukong either in a moment of lack of empathy or can see through Red Boy's lies suggests that the kid would be better off dead since his family is dead is actually funny not going to lie. Red Boy is the son of Princess Iron Fan and Demon Bull King but his inspiration comes from Shancai, who is Guanyin's faithful servant. Shancai in Buddist legends once traveled south to visit 53 teachers and achieved Buddhism. Mahayana Buddhism is used here as an example of becoming a Buddha in one body, and its process of seeking the Dharma represents the various stages of Huayan entering the Dharma Realm. According to the 54 entries into the Dharma Realm of the old Huayan Sutra, Shancai is the son of the elder in Fucheng. When he is in the womb and born, all kinds of treasures emerged, so he was called good fortune boy/child of wealth. Later, he was taught by Manjusri Bodhisattva and traveled all over the southern countries to visit Bhikkhu Gongdeyun, and received the samadhi of reciting Buddha. It is more so that Red Boy is meant to be a reference to Shancai as while they have different backstories they are meant to be the same character as well.

29. The sage monk abducted by wind is the twenty-ninth ordeal [chap. 40]; Wukong gladly took the opportunity to carry Red Boy as they were traveling up the mountain as he thought this would be a great time to finally kill him. He attempts to throw Red Boy off a cliff he turns into a wind and kidnaps him right off the horse. They are getting more creative with how they kidnap him, even just taking him right in daylight without Wukong just being nearby. It might be another example of how Wukong was more focused on killing his enemy rather than trying to protect at the moment. This was a sweet moment for Wujing as he was the one to cheer Wukong on after they lost Sanzang, Wukong thought at this point, even if he tries to kill demons BEFORE they attempt to kidnap Sanzang it still doesn't matter. Really hits him hard that he thinks he is a failure and for the first time it shows that he really thinks he can't do it. That is until telling them how they are untied in this front, and no matter what as long as they stick together they can overcome any obstacle. Even Bajie is moved by his speech and agrees they must always try and says how he is sorry for even doubting their group. It was only then that they were able to move forward to save Sanzang.

30. The Mind Monkey being injured is the thirtieth ordeal [chap. 41]; this was honestly so sad with how Wukong was teary up from the smoke and sire and how it affected his eyes. Legit it looks like his old injuries from Laozi's furnace affecting his eyes as he feels that burning smoke, so painful that he passes out. It was here that Wukong is truly defeated in a combat situation and it's from someone he saw as family. He was going in with the hope to appeal to that family loyalty as he was DBK's sworn brother but was rejected again and again by Red Boy that he both didn't believe Wukong or that he just didn't care about those relations either. This lead to Bajie having to be the one to resuscitate Wukong while Wujing is terrified over his life. Wukong didn't want to attack Red Boy at least not when he found out that they were, what he considered, family. But in the end, it was not enough and while Wukong through he could handle the flames the pain from the smoke in his eyes lead him to faint. This is the ONLY time that Wukong has never been in such pain that he has fainted. No other treatment has ever put him in such a state, maybe the Yellow Wind demon but even then he was blinded, not down. Wujing really thought he died, starting to cry over Wukong's body because he thought he lost their brother. Bajie instead didn't believe it for a second, didn't think for a moment that Wukong was dead, and instead started right away to resuscitate him. It was like Wujing was overwhelmed with sadness while Bajie just couldn't even think of Wukong being defeated like that. It was only because they got to him in time that was Wukong not permanently hurt or perhaps even dead from such an attack.

31. Asking the sage to subdue monsters is the thirty-first ordeal [chap. 42]; this is when Wukong went to ask Guanyin to help subdue Red Boy which she does so as Red Boy himself was disguised as her and using her image to trick Bajie, leading to his capture. Gaunyin actually comes with the lotus platform of swords to capture Red Boy and I think that there is actually a big connection with how Red Boy and Wukong were similar when they were starting off as their own kings of the mountain. Similar to how Wukong was so powerful at the start of his warlord career, Red Boy as well showed great powers from the start, being more than powerful to run his own mountain. And that Red Boy is trying to fight people that are arguably stronger than him, only to be taken down by a Bodhisattva that being GuanYin while for Wukong it was Buddha. From there, after he tried to attack Guanyin again she subdued him with golden bands and was taken under to be a disciple. They are not exactly a one to one, but I like to think that Wukong saw a lot of his younger self in Red Boy and how he was going down that path of destruction that could only lead to hundreds of years of punishment if he wasn’t taken down at the moment. Maybe Wukong thinks about how he could’ve avoided a lot of the mistakes he made if he just had someone stronger than him make him see reason. Also that Red Boy is the one to become Shancai who does have a different origin story in Indian lore but in Xiyouji, Red Boy is the one to become the Child of Wealth and be at Guanyin's side forever, along with Muzha and Longnv.

32. Sinking in the Black River is the thirty-second ordeal [chap. 43]; This one is what I remember this is a more underwater adventure with Tuolong Black River God (鼉龍 or Xiao Mojie) and Wujing getting his timeline a bit more as it’s very much underwater. Wujing went underwater to find out who took Sazang again and it was Four Dragon King's sister's (I guess there are five siblings now) ninth son. But after the death of her husband Dragon King of Jingehe (The same dragon from the start of the novel actually), Ao Run (Bailong's father) was the one in charge of raising them. Surprisingly very little is being said about Bailong despite his imminent family being involved in this trial. Tuolong played a boatman as Sanzang and Bajie got on his craft only to flip the boat sending both Bajie and Sanzang into the water. Toulong was going to invite Ao Run to eat Sanzang (and Bajie is there) WITH him as a way of showing thanks for raising him all these years but in reality, it was because he has not done anything with his life and has been causing mischief, trying to get back in his Uncle's graces. Ao Run after being confronted by Wukong with these accusations of trying to eat Sazang admits that he thought his nephew was cultivating and had no idea of the trouble he was bringing. Ao Run sent his eldest son, Ao Moang, Bailong's eldest brother, to go subdue Toulong else Wukong was going to kill the guy himself. Wukong and Ao Moang were able to subdue him and Ao Moang took him back to Ao Run to be punished for his crimes. Wujing in this one finds Bajie and Sanzang and frees them luckily. This might have something to do with the youngest sibling, trying to prove himself by capturing Sanzang and giving it to Ao Run in honor of him, being his father figure, but in reality, he’s just being selfish, and jealous that all his other brothers were able to integrate with society just fine with respectable jobs but he has not. But this story does touch on children that grow up without a father, especially losing them quickly is to be seen as more sensitive. And how Toulong losing his father to the rules of heaven, shows his defiance of not falling the same rules that lead to his father's death. Toulong's sense of rebellion also comes from a sense of entitlement that he should be the exception to the rules for his own suffering as if trying to justify his actions to bring suffering to others.

33. Hauling at Cart Slow Kingdom is the thirty-third ordeal [chap. 44]; this one is definitely a personal favorite due to the humor, but there is a lot to be said when the gang comes to the kingdom that is enslaving Buddhist monks in favor of Taoist monks. The ones pulling the strings behind this abuse are Tiger Strength Great Immortal (虎力大仙), Elk Strength Great Immortal (鹿力大仙), and Antelope Strength Great Immortal (羊力大仙) that are controlling the king. This is the chapter most would recall Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing trick these three immortals into drinking their piss but I do find it fascinating how Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing take the places of the three pure ones when they are crashing the feast and take the places of the most important figures in heaven. Wukong as Laozi, Bajie as Yuanshi Tianzun, and Wujing as Lingbao Tianzun. I’m not sure if that was supposed to be meta-commentary about anything like how the three might be bringing in a new heaven or Age of Enlightenment themselves, but I did greatly enjoy the political symbolism that it could provide. This one definitely highlights how there were a lot of religious tensions between Daoism and Buddhism and how is that even because of these acknowledgments of the tensions, this book was banned in certain areas. But rather than Sanzang or anyone in the pilgrimage trying to refute Daoist beliefs, rather acknowledge that both are looking for the same thing when it comes to personal self-improvement and how well they can be different they can still respect one another (though there is some bias is that Buddism is better). Wukong saving the monks also shows how they put so much faith in waiting for Wukong and how he even gave each one of them a hair to keep them safe. It shows a great deal of compassion on his part from what I believe at this point. Not to mention I really think that this is the arc that is important more generally when it comes to character interactions as we get to see a lot of how they start to become more comfortable with one another. And this is just like in the Ginseng Fruit arc where they are all stealing food similar to before, but rather this time, they all agreed to cover each other’s backs.

34. A mighty contest is the thirty-fourth ordeal [chaps. 45-46]; In each of these test the immortal either loose face or die and honesty if they have kept the challenges simple with Saznag then they could have lived... sucks to be them. This one I do find to be one of my favorite segments personally only because it’s toeing the line of monks should not lie which Sanzang refuses to do however, it’s not lying because Wukong is simply changing the answers, kind of proving that the Yaoguai either had prior knowledge of what the answer should have been and can’t work around the new answers and rather Wukong is the one cheating for Sanzang rather than Sanzang cheating himself. Wukong definitely does most of the heavy lifting, but it shows his increasing durability throughout it all. Personally, think this was meant more to show off his powers and I could be missing the significance of each one of these powers, but that is what I am aware of. The first test of one of bringing the rain. Sanzang can't bring rain (he says a much) but Wukong goes up and THREATENS the people if they make rain for the Tiger he will beat them to death... so they don't and do rain on Sanzangn's turn. Diplomacy! Elk and Saznang have meditation content in which they try to cheat and a bug tries to break Sanzang's concentration. But Wukong turns into a bird and eats that thing and then turns into a centipede to break Elk's concentration and it works! Last is where they guess within the box and Antelope guesses fine clothes, peaches, and a Toaist disciple. Wukong goes into each box, tears up the clothes, eats the peaches leaving only pits, and shaves the disciple's head to make him a Buddhist monk. In each segment, Wukong was pulling the strings as Sanzang followed Wukong's instructions on what to say. They could have lived if they stop there but... nah. Tiger continues to have a head-cutting-off contest. Wukong has his head is cut off and it is kicked away, but he just regrows a new head while Tiger loses his head, and when he can not put it back on in time he dies. Elk tries to have a disemboweled contest but Wukong easily took out all his guts to "clean in there" while Elk died as he tries to gouge out his own heart. And finally, Antilope and Wukong could see who could live in boiling oil. Wukong pulled a prank and pretended to be dead but showed that he was just fine. Antilope did try to cheat and keep his oil cold but Wukogn quickly fixed that and he boiled alive. Overall a decided victory.

35. Expelling Daoists to prosper Buddhists is the thirty-fifth ordeal [chap. 47]; When the king saw that his advisors were indeed three Yaoguai that were most likely planning to kill him (similar to Lion-Lynx’s plan) he was shaken out of his stupor and saw the error of his ways. The monks that escaped at the start of this chapter were able to come back home and gave him back his hairs as they were finally freed from their sufferings. This kind of goes back to how the tensions between the two religious groups were high but I believe the intention was for there to show how despite differences there can be bridges to connect those gaps. Wukong being one of those bridges as he trained in Daosim and even received all his powers from it, but he is still a proud Buddhist monk as well. Having both knowledge did not hinder him, and either way, but if anything, it allowed him to excel in both philosophies. Wukong is nearly as familiar with scripture as. Sanzang is and even knows it a bit better in some cases. It kind of shows how that kind of relationship gap can be bridged through a general respect for both practices, and I think Wukong was meant to be that kind of representative for that respect.

36. Meeting a great water on the road is the thirty-sixth ordeal [chap. 47]; They are blocked by the very large river and as such stay with the Chen family (which funny enough is also the surname of Sanzang) and find out they have had to sacrifice their children to this demon for the past few years and after Sansang saying they have to help (Wukong suggesting buying more kids to sacrifice to save their own kids, no that is not a solution) Wukong and Bajie agree to go undercover as the children and fight the demon King of Spiritual Touch (靈感大王). The demon does get away but everyone thinks that is the end of that while the demon does see Saznag and plots to kidnap him being suggested by the Perch Mother. That was the trial itself rather than actually fighting The Spiritual Touch King. I’m not sure if there’s a lot of significance here besides perhaps highlighting how Sanzang misses his home, especially surrounded by people with his surname. That might be more of a plot detail, than huge significance allegory-wise.

37. Falling into the Heaven-Reaching River is the thirty-seventh ordeal [chap. 48]; this one was an elaborate trap as the gang is forced to walk across the huge river as it has iced overnight. I do enjoy this part only as Bajie was the one to make sure Bailong's horseshoes can walk on ice and Wukong even makes sure that the ice is thick before walking across it. Sadly while they were in the middle of the river this is when the Spiritual King breaks the ice and despite best efforts does kidnap Sanzang. As much as I did love how there was a lot of teamwork between Wukong, Wujing, and Bajie, as they were trying to lure the demon out of the water for Wukong to fight him properly, Spiritual King was able to escape due to its advantage of being underwater. As such this is what led to Wukong getting GuanYin again as he saw no other way that Bajie and Wujing could handle him on their own as the King locked himself up in his palace and no amount of goading was going to get him out again. Even faking they were hurt, to faking defeat wasn't enough to get the Spiritual King is risk fighting against them as he knew he was eventually going to lose.

38. The Fish-Basket revealing her body is the thirty-eighth ordeal [chap. 49]; I do find this particular way of entrapment to be very interesting as it touches upon Gaunyin and her connection with the fish basket. There’s actually a famous story about this as well, but the story is about a beautiful woman who is selling fish and comes to a village, and how every man in the village wants to marry her but she would only marry someone that would recite Suntras every day and release all the fish she has, and whoever could memorize the Suntras, would be able to marry her and pretty much it was inspiring people to learn more about Buddhism. The one man that was able to memorize all the scriptures she called for, decided to continue his life and still teach in her honor. It was a famous story, showing the fulfillment of learning scriptures. This arc was made in reference to that story and I do find that a great way to tie her into the narrative as well.

39. Meeting a fiend at Golden Helmet Mountain is the thirty-ninth ordeal [chap. 50]; This chapter I do find interesting the fact that this is another heavenly beast that escaped heaven Single Horned Rhinoceros King (獨角兕大王) and at this point, it’s almost standard for heavenly steeds to be the enemy for the sake of there being enough trials. This time Sanzang and the gang are in the middle of a snowy mountain and Wukong goes off to find food while leaving them in a circle. There’s actually a lot of symbolism in this chapter, especially when it comes to circles. Wukong creates a circle around his party as he goes off to try to find a village for food, a creation of his own making intended to keep them safe as long as they follow the instructions that he has given them. While, in the meantime, his party escapes the circle and put some of themselves in danger. This kind of circle symbolism is also seen in how Wukongs two iconic symbols are also circles that being his fillet and his golden hoop rod. His fillet is a circle that constraints, created for the purpose that he is to act in a certain limitation that he can't act solely on his own desires but rather focus on his own self-restraint to work with others but his staff is a circle that breaks his limits, allowing him to transition the limitation said he has been given through sheer force of will and power to overcome obstacles in his path. And it’s specifically here that Wukong gives his own limitations to the party but they bypass those limitations, and find themselves in danger. Similar to how when Wukong breaks his own limitation he puts himself in danger and others when he acts without thinking. It is almost karmic when Wukong tries to impose limitations on others when he himself is known for breaking these limits again and again and seeing what it feels like to be unheard when he only has the best intentions for his party. When Wukong tried to break into a new realm as the Jade Emperor he also had to except the dangers that came with that, hence, his punishment. It’s that kind of symbolism I personally think of when it comes to breaking barriers you have to also expect the risk that comes with it and accept it. Sanzang and the gang fall right into the Rhino King's trap and are taken in by him.

40. Heaven's gods find it hard to win is the fortieth ordeal [chaps. 51-52]; Not much to say he’ll personally except that this enemy has proven to be stupidly strong because of his magical item. The amount of extra power that this item has given him is insane, considering that Wukong needed to get the heavenly armies and Nezha in order to fight this guy, and it still didn’t win. But even Nezha lost all his weapons due to the Rhino King's Golden Ring to simply steal magical weapons from other people. Wukong lost his cudgel here, a symbol of his ability to break limitations and overcome the odds, and thus is left powerless without gods that also lost their magical weapons. And this is where I really enjoy seeing that Wukong really understands that he canceled all his problems through brute strength, but rather he needs to understand his problems in the first place in order to overcome them. He has the entire army of Heaven on his side but he can’t defeat this demon and it’s because he doesn’t understand how his powers walk in the first place but once he does understand where his powers came from. Once he learns even more about his enemy, he’s able to defeat him properly showing how cunning and willing Wukong can go when it comes to figuring out battle strategies and finding weaknesses in others. The amount of times that Wukong actually had to play peacemaker amount the troops because the armies were getting discouraged over losing the weapons is amazing, I don’t think it really shows how Wukong is also a great leader, especially when it comes to facing horrible odds against him. This is most likely the strongest enemy that Wukong has faced during the journey. Sun Wukong not only asked the Jade Emperor to find out the origin of this person, but also asked Li Tianwang, Nezha, Lei Gong, Huode Xingjun, Huanghe Shuibo, Tathagata, Eighteen Arhats and many other masters in the world of immortals and Buddhas for help

41. Asking the Buddha for the source is the forty-first ordeal [chap. 52]; Pretty much Wukong couldn’t find how to get any more information about his enemy, and of course had to go to the highest level to know who this guy was, and how to defeat him. If anything, I think it’s more of a humbling moment that Wukong had to do in order to ask than anything else, and it kind of shows how far he’s willing to go when it comes to protecting his party even if it means admitting that he needs help in the first place. And considering how prideful and arrogant Wukong is at the start of the story I think that’s a trial within itself. Even Sanzang at the end, admits that he should’ve listened to Wukong and promised to try to do better. A lot of humbling in the chapter. There is an actual legend to how Laozi got this Rhino in the first place as when Laozi was 8 or 9 years old he found a rapid divine bull that was eating people in the wild. Laozi and his brother at that young age went to cut the grass for baskets and play games. The bull came out of nowhere that has been eating people and the two confronted it for all its crimes to their neighbors. Laozi knew better than to hit it head-on rather than wait for the bull to run over him and stab it in its underbelly with his sickle. It ran away and they chased after it and after a fierce battle, they rode the bull down the mountain in their victory. From there Laozi took the bull as his own and domesticated him to eat only grass and pull plows and carts.

42. Being poisoned after drinking water is the forty-second ordeal [chap. 53]; it was actually a lot of symbolism when it comes to the Mother-Birthing River especially when it comes to Hindu mythology. There is an old legend about how a prince got pregnant himself when it was supposed to be his wife but he was still able to give birth. And that’s kind of reflected here as well when it comes to finding that kind of in qi energy and reaching enlightenment, I believe. It is quite interesting that the ones chosen here are Sanzang and Bajie. I think Sanzang was chosen for the symbolical representation similar to the prince while Bajie was for all the jokes that Wujing and Wukong absolutely throw his way because they find the whole situation Absolutely hilarious. They had to face off against Immortal Ruyi (如意真仙) who is Bull Demon King's younger broth and the Uncle of Red Boy. He was more of a nuisance than a threat as he kept making Wukong spill the Aborition Water so he had to get Wujing to help him out. Wukong claimed he only pared him because he is Demon Bull King's younger brother, or else he would have beaten him to death.

43. Detained for marriage at Western Liang Kingdom is the forty-third ordeal [chap. 54]; this one was interesting, and the fact that the main villain, for most of the arc, wasn’t the scorpion demon, but rather it was the Ruler of Women's Country (女兒國國王), because she absolutely refused to let Sanzang go and holding him hostage until he agreed to her demands for marriage. Wukong of course says they cannot attack else they would have to kill all of her soldiers as well and does push for Sanzang to play along with her fantasies, even though Sanzang is absolutely terrified that he would be forced to fulfill the “marriage vows.” But I do think this one shows how much trust Sanzang has gathered for Wukong because he follows the instructions to play along in order to avoid fighting with the entire kingdom or the army and they just leave the kingdom last minute… which honestly would’ve worked if it wasn’t for the last-minute demon. I do love how protective Bajie gets in this one, even Wujing lifting Sanzang off the carriage to get him away from the queen, kinda reflecting on Bajie's own past actions with women and how he is coming around to the importance of boundaries. In the end, the queen admits to feeling ashamed of her actions once she sees how Sanzang and Wukong and gang had such powers and were meant for greater things than just being kings. She was convinced that their union was set up by the heavens and refused to let him say no. She was very direct in her approach, very different than before trying to seduce Sanzang with no hope as he was more frightful than tempted. She is the only woman that isn't a demon that has tried to seduce Sanzang and while she is honorable and respected she shows that same kind of tenacity. There are not all good humans in the book and at times the gang has to be creative with how to get around them. She was willing to give up her own country based on Sanzang's own beauty showing a single-minded desire to have him as their own.

44. Suffering at the Cave of the Lute is the forty-fourth ordeal [chap. 55]; if anything, this one just shows how another heavenly animal escapes and this being the Scorpion demon (蠍子精). This is one of the only times we see an attack actually affect Wukong beyond the samadhi powers as this kind of venom does hurt him extremely. He got horrible headaches from the poison, enough to take him out of the fight for quite a while. Wujing and Bajie were unable to help in that case. Funny enough this is also just because of this one power that Wukong acknowledges that brute strength cannot win against her, and hast to go to another person for help. In the end, they were able to sub to her and she has to be sent back to heaven, but this was definitely kind of leaning into the idea of being trapped by lustful desires. She was more of a pest that was listening in on Buddhist scriptures than anything else being brushed away by Buddha until she stung at him, being the only demon known to inflict damage on Buddha. She took Sanzang in his moment of freedom only to trap him in a similar hostage situation of being forced to marry but I do notice how she did prepare vegetarian meals for him alongside her human meals... so awkward but how polite? Sanzang rejected her every time until she was annoyed enough to tie him up until he changed his mind. It wasn't until Wukong at the Pleiades Star Offical (a rooster) to subdue the Scorpin Demon was about to be killed by Bajie as well. A noticed trait is that Bajie is usually the one to kill female demons that have committed similar crimes as him when it comes to sexually harassing people. I like to think it is to show Baije's own personal fight with his own sexual and romantic desires. The Scorpion Demon is taken from the Xiyouji Zaji play when they have the 17th episode "The Queen's Forced Marriage where the Queen's brutal side is the direct reflection of the demon and how the two are more connected in the play. Considering that the only other demons in that play were the Demon Bull Family it shows how she was considered quite popular with this arc as well.

45. Banishing again the Mind Monkey is the forty-fifth ordeal [chap. 56]; this is the Six-Eared Macaque (六耳獼猴) Arc and I kind of did a deep dive about the symbolic meaning of the monkey mind and all this here, but this is definitely one of the defining points of the chapter is right in the middle of the journey. I didn’t know that this was such a big question but apparently, a lot of people did wonder why did Wukong progress back into violent killings in this chapter in particular with the robber and while I do admit that Wukong has come a long way there hasn’t been yet a really defining point of him, addressing the fact that he does go overboard when it comes to his enemies when he believes that it’s justified. He has been doing a lot to show more empathy to his companions in even to other people, but I really think halfway through the journey. This is him trying to find more empathy for people that he believes don’t deserve second chances despite him receiving a second chance as well. It’s almost hypocritical for him to think that people he believes others should have to die for their crimes, and that he should be the judge, jury, and executioner in these circumstances. It might have been because even the family itself never really said they valued the son's life more so they only want to keep him as he has no other heir, which is also sad within itself that a family only sees value in the son at this point because he can continue the family rather than value him as a person that he’s just done so much damage. And Wukong also has such filial respect, and how much importance he puts to family and elders. Kind of pushed him to his limits even when this particular burglar has been given a second chance by Wukong by not killing him the first time he met with his group rather than just killing his leader. If anything Wukong probably thought he was already justified in showing him mercy and the guy just came back again trying to hurt his party after being shown that mercy was pushing him over the limit.

46. The macaque hard to distinguish is the forty-sixth ordeal [chaps. 57-58]; This shows the progression of how far Wukong has come, both were fighting enemies and fighting with himself and who his identity is. Wukong not fighting with his identity is one of the main things in Xiyouji that I think anyone could take away from it as Wukong has been shown to be defying limitations on himself but also never really having that kind of ability to fit in a category, either making him very alone as well. And I think this chapter really highlights how Wukong can either be seen as a character that fits nowhere or the only character that truly is able to bridge the gap between different realms and be able to fit everywhere thing. He was able to see the worst traits of himself being pushed into his face and overcomes what those traits inside of him mean and even what they represent. He never denies who he is but rather shows that he is much more than what he sued to be, that he can grow and change and learn and become more than what he once was. When Sanzang sent Wukong away in this arc he really thought that he could not help Wukong anymore and that he has failed as a teacher but rather it was Wukong's own battle that he had to fight first as no one can force himself to change besides Wukong. The Six-Eared Macaque created duplicates of the entire gang, planning on killing them all and replacing them so he can gain credit and glory for bringing back the scriptures and becoming the "Sun Wukong" of legend. It was only under Buddha's eyes that was he able to discern the two (and a hell cat) and the truth of the matter came to light about the four spiritual monkeys that are the same species as Wukong. The phrase "Six Ears" has two different meanings. 1. meaning "A third party, outside intervention," such as an eavesdropper when two people are to be having a private conversation. Like saying make sure a sixth ear isn't listening in. Something that Wukong even says at the start of the book when talking to master Puti about their classes. Guan Hanqing's "Butterfly Dream": "Three people make big mistakes, and six ears do not conspire." In the novels of the Ming Dynasty, there is also the phrase "six ears do not preach", and "six ears" has gradually become an external object that refers to the hindrance of "preaching". The 2. meaning in from Buddhism has the theory of "six roots" of "eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body, and mind". From the "six roots", "six consciousnesses" are born. It should be eliminated first on the road of practice. At the end of the story, when the demon is eliminated, this point is also pointed out: "God returns to the heart, the Zen formula is fixed, and the six senses eliminate the pill." This is to show how those that now the truth cannot be tricked by falsehoods as such, discerning between the true and false monkey. The truth must be false, and the truth will be let go; the false will be true, and the false will be attracted. It is because real practitioners are regarded as false practitioners, and false practitioners are also mistaken for real practitioners. Those who are "four monkeys mixed with the world" have the four minds of greed, anger, ignorance, and hindrance. Sun Wukong symbolizes the "mind", and the six-eared macaque is the "evil" that deceives it. " Longing and the contradiction of "superego". Just because Sun Wukong's mind is turbulent, and he is often in a state of "ego" but "ID", so "evil" has an opportunity to take advantage of. The process of Sun Wukong destroying the demon is the process of "doing good and eliminating evil" in one's heart. In fact, the Six-Eared Macaque not only symbolizes the delusion of Wukong alone, but also the delusion of the party as whole as they are originally one. Therefore, after the "false heart" was destroyed, there was a description of the master and apprentice and the other three also "cutting the two hearts", and the team worked together and went to the west.

47. The road blocked at the Mountain of Flames is the forty-seventh ordeal [chap. 59]; this one was a hard trial to get past as they were literally trying to go around flaming mountains, but this is like the first time I’ve actually seen where Wukong’s past actions have influenced the road ahead as the fire only started due to Wukong pushing Laozis furnace to earth. Not only did this cause tremendous changes to the landscape, but also it led to the people of us being punished as well in the crossfire. Innocent people were forced to enter these harsh heats and we’re only able to five because Princess Iron Fan (鐵扇公主) took advantage of the situation, making herself the immortal of the mountain. From there, she was actually able to gain power because of these grievances. I think this is very interesting and how even unintentional consequences can have large repercussions. Princess Iron Fan is a Rakshasa within the novel and mother of Red Boy and the wife of Demon Bull King. Princess Iron Fan is a symbol of material love but also envy as she is alone without both her son and husband at her side, taking her anger out on one she could without restraint at least. Her Xiyouji creation was inspired by three different courses the first being the 10 Rakshasa who is in charge of guarding and reciting the Lotus Sutra from Buddha lore. The Guizimu God also from Buddhism lore who lost her own child in a miscarriage sworn in the neck life to be a demon that eats other's children which did happen. She saw the error of her ways and came to the heavens to protect the Dharma. And the last is the Iron Fan Immortal who is a Taoist Immortal from the Xiyouji Play where she has different family relations such as being the sister of Li-shan Laomu and is connected to another legend where she was a Taoist Wind goddess that was friends with the Queen Mother (and Pilanpo), however after a slight party over the Queen Mother bringing her own wine Princess Iron Immortal went to earth where she became a demon. She never married in this version and plan to keep it that way and thus she was greatly offended when XingZhe kept hitting on her. All these inspired her Xiyouji debut.

48. Seeking the palm-leaf fan is the forty-eighth ordeal [chaps. 59-60]; this one was definitely the most elaborate, as this was a lot with the family situation. Wukong encountered their son Red Boy just a few years ago, and because of his intervention, Red Boy became a disciple under GuanYin, a position that could be considered even higher than being claimed as a deity in Eastern Heaven. Wukong isn't wrong in saying that their son is better off being a disciple under the goddess of mercy, rather than running amok on his own mountain, being a king, yes, but only building himself up to be taken down in a few years, similar to what Wukong had to go through. If anything, he could’ve saved him a lot of pain and suffering in the long run because his power and arrogance were going unchecked. But of course, no parent wants their child to be dethroned, and as such Princess Iron Fan wishes to get revenge on her son’s behalf. Wukong may have saved Red Boy’s life in the long run, but he did separate a family as well. There is something to be said when it comes to seeing two choices that both have negative consequences within them. At the time I’m sure Wukong wasn’t even thinking about how Princess Iron Fan or Bull Demon King (牛魔王) would react to seeing their son gone but definitely doesn’t make it any easier when he has to be the one to take responsibility for that separation. Wukong had to pretend to be Bull Demon King while he was away with his new concubine Jade-Faced Princess (玉面狐狸) who wanted to keep him to herself. She was the daughter of the Long Live Fox King who left behind all his fortune and Princess Jade Faced wanted someone strong enough to protect her and her territory. Wukong was able to get the fan but it was taken again by Bull Demon. This led to a confrontation between brothers and after Wukong's change of heart and mind, he sees how that change is being put to the test, being forced to fight someone he sees as a brother.

49. Binding the demon king is the forty-ninth ordeal [chap. 61]; Wukong is fighting someone that he sees as a brother, someone that he has looked up to for many years, and still looked up to him, even while they were fighting. They have similar paths and similar backgrounds and of being similar minds, these two really reflect each other but while one was able to hone his mind the other did not. He wanted to go easy on him because of their brotherhood and in fact, does time and time again, going easy on them because he doesn’t want to hurt his family. He sees Iron Fan as his sister-in-law and Bull King as his brother but because of his actions toward the child, they refused to help him in his quest. And this kind of tension and stress kept building and building until Wukong had to completely destroy their brotherhood and arrest Bull King, Wukong knew he couldn't leave without the fan else their entire journey would be put to a halt but both Iron Fan Princess and Demon Bull King refused to help Wukong, rather wishing to hinder his quest. And I think that kind of betrayal, no matter how emotionally justified, still hurts because Wukong is a very family-oriented guy. And I think that this arc being right after the Six Ears arc is a coincidence as that arc was supposed to symbolize Wukongs own turning point within the journey and now we get to see how Wukong is shedding his past relationships in order to move forward with his new life. Bull King was another reminder of his warlord years and well I’m sure he would never want to hurt his family… sometimes cutting people out of your life is the best way to move forward and heal at least in the circumstances. Also, Bajie being constantly there assisting Wukong and all the fights kind of shows how Wukong has moved on from his old brotherhood and has gained a new one. Wukong faced off against Bull Demon but at the same time, they are at a stalemate until Wukong gets backup from Nezha. The prototype for Bull Demon was Demon Bull Xisuo from ��往世书” where Xisuo was an incarnation of Ashura and planned on doing harm to the world and was only stopped because the multi-armed goddess Durga was able to subdue him. This might make a connection to why Nezha who also had a multi-armed form, was the one to subdue Demon Bull King. this one I think, is without a doubt, the hardest fight that Wukong has to go through at least emotionally.

50. Sweeping the pagoda at Sacrifice Kingdom is the fiftieth ordeal [chap. 62]; this within itself wasn’t too much of a trial, but it was a moment that I really enjoyed between Wukong and Sanzang in how Sanzang has made his own promises to himself about sweeping pagodas they visit and how Wukong is insistent, that he still helps and stays up with him. There was no reason for this, no obligation, just Wukong and Sanzang cleaning a room together, which, of course, let the funny to encounter with Benbo'erba (奔波兒灞) and Babo'erben (灞波兒奔) at the top of the tower who just so happened to be bragging about the sacred treasure their master stole and how the monks took the blame for the fallout. Their boss has been causing the town a lot of grief and trouble and as such the monks were being blamed. The first two generations of monks were tortured to death so... extreme. But that wasn’t the trial itself. The real trial was the cleaning aspect, which I think shows that, despite all the demon fighting that was to still be considered of the utmost importance. This is probably the first time we see Wukong and Sanzang doing so domesticated together and I think it hits home how Wukong's change of mind and heart has affected how he interacts with those around him.

51. Recovering the treasure to save the monks is the fifty-first ordeal [chap. 63]; this one was more for the sake of clearing, the monks of this kingdom were blamed for the stolen treasure which is the Rishi mushroom (part of transitional Chinese medicine). It was stolen by the local dragons, and also the Nine-Headed Insect (九頭蟲) that convinced the Wansheng Dragon King (万圣龙王) his father-in-law and Wansheng Princess (萬聖公主) his wife and to do so. Wanseng Dragon wasn't always this high and mighty, between his Son-in-law's persuasion and his backing from Bull Demon King he became quite bold with his power. He was the one that Bull Demon King stopped his fight with Wukong so go have tea with. Friendship with Wukong has died, new friend is Wangsheng Draong King. This arc does tie in with another legend about the Nine-Heads which is why he got away with the story. It is because he’s actually connected to another legend. The Nine-Heads was most likely inspired by the Nine-Headed Bird from "Shan Hai Jing Da Huang Bei Jing" and how the legends grew that a house of blood drops will be blamed on them, similar to what happened in the story. Quan Xiaotian was about to bite off one of his heads before he ran away. And also it was just great to see Erlang Shen and how he and Wukong became sworn Brothers as well. (Please note that for years I was duped by the 1986 series into thinking the Wansheng Princess and Bailong were ex-finances like I believed that for YEARS). But also I have already done a whole thing as to why Wukong was so grateful to Erlang in the first place, mostly being that he was under the family-ties punishment order and he was supposed to kill all of Wukong's little suns, but give them time to hide and let them live, hence why Wukong is so grateful that he had a family to come home to. I could go on for days about Erlang and his importance and how he foils Wukong's own story but this is his only major character appearance.

52. Chanting poetry at the Brambled Forest is the fifty-second ordeal [chap. 64]; this one was particularly said, in some instances as this was one of the few times Sanzang was kidnapped by demons (that is common enough) but rather than trying to eat him or sexually harass him, instead spend the entire chapter reciting poetry to one another and talking about philosophy. Sanzang spends most of this chapter with three spirits Shiba Gong (勁節十八公), Guzhi Gong (孤直公), Lingkongzi (凌空子), and Fuyun Sou (拂雲叟), and their servants Naked demon (赤身鬼) and Apricot Immortal (杏仙) Sanzang has shown time, and time again that he does value all life and that includes demons as well. He doesn’t like the idea of Wukong killing them he does ask Wukong to spare them when he can... he just usually never gets a chance as they are already dead by the time he is recused. He never really gets a chance to show this kind of appreciation for life, because while Wukong does try to kill the demon to save Sanzang there are a lot of demons that are arrested and sent back to heaven. And I think that this is a great chapter to show how Sanzang does enjoy talking philosophy with other people, but it also shows how he would ever enjoy interacting with other Yaoguai when they are not harming him. Sanzang even asks Bajie to spare them in his rampage as while they did try to push Sanzang to marry Apricot Immortal he didn't think they actually hurt him. Wukong claims that even yaoguai that go through self-cultivation eventually give in and try to mooch off qi off of humans, as that is the quickest and easiest way to cultivate. Wukong has always had a “hit first, question later” mindset and I think it’s really submitted hear how he even treats Yaoguai similar to his warlord days with an iron fist. And perhaps how his empathy still needs room to grow.

53. Meeting disaster at Little Thunderclap is the fifty-third ordeal [chap. 65]; this was doing the fight with Yellow Brows Great King (黃眉大王) and when he was impersonating Buddha. Something I find very interesting is how Wujing, Bajie, and Sanzang all fell for his track, but Wukong KNOWS Buddha. Yes, fought with him, but definitely knows a fake when he sees it. Funny enough this guy isn’t trying to kill them for the sake of trying to gain immortality rather it’s similar to Six Ears desire for fame and glory particularly he says he’s after the right fruit. He wishes to be the one to deliver the scriptures to China and I think this is because he is also a fallen celestial that was a disciple of Maitreya Buddha. This one is a lot of Sanzang lamenting that Wukong was right and how he should’ve listened, which is very cathartic. But this could be an allegory about how the heavens aren’t perfect either and how anyone can be susceptible to their own desires if they let them get the best of them. Hence, why cultivation and practice are always a continual thing rather than a destination and you always have to keep yourself in check

54. The celestial gods being imprisoned is the fifty-fourth ordeal [chap. 66]; But also, this is another enemy that is extremely hard for Wukong to face head-on because of the magical items that he possesses the Golden Cymbals. While they did break that treasure he had another treasure to trap Wukong and his reinforcements in a bag. Twice. It starts to get very frustrating every time Wukong has to get more reinforcements to help his previous reinforcements. This leads to a lot of humiliation on Wukongs enough to make him cry and leads to him also having to use more elaborate schemes in order to defeat him… schemes which include turning into a watermelon seed to be eaten and jumping inside his belly until he gives up. Always a classic.

55. Being blocked by filth at Pulpy Persimmon Alley is the fifty-fifth ordeal [chap.67]; this one’s probably a very forgettable chapter as Python Demon (蟒蛇精) in this chapter doesn’t actually speak because it is said that she is not cultivated enough to speak. She has to rely on eating humans to cultivate rather than practicing, hence the increase in human killings. It is definitely a larger version of his animal form but she has not yet reached a humanoid form, just making her a giant monster at the moment. This one’s more banter between Wukong and Bajie when it came to them, trying to trap this demon together and honestly, I really did enjoy more of the interaction, in this chapter rather than any overarching themes, I believe. Wukong is again eaten by this demon and just grows until he punches a hole in her belly to kill her. Wukong considered this one of the weak demons he has encountered due to her low cultivation. But overall this was a good example of how Yaoguai try desperately to eat humans in order to take on a humanoid form of their own. Another popular legend of a snake demon is from “The White Snake,” where a Yaoguai and a human fall in love and it’s a forbidden tragic romance. That actually has no connection with this demon sadly, but I still thought that referencing other similar demon types could still provide some kind of insight.

56. Applying medication at the Scarlet-Purple Kingdom is the fifty-sixth ordeal [chaps. 68-69]; this is one of my favorite chapters, mostly because of the comedic aspects again. This one is about how Wukong ropes Bajie into agreeing that they are going to heal King Zhu Ziguo by taking a piece of paper and Wukong shoving it in Bajie's back pocket for a prank. The entire palace is terrified of what they look like having Wukong before medical practices behind a curtain at first. But this really shows Wukong's ingenuity and creativity when it comes to talking his way out of situations. The best example of this is how Wukong demands a little bit of every kind of medicine they have just so when he creates the end product no one in the kingdom is able to replicate what kind of medicine he did create. The creation itself has actually been of soot from a frying pan and Bailong’s own urine. Apparently, it has magical properties which I cannot deny but also that they had to ask BaiLong in the first place is absolutely hilarious to me. And then he proceeded to ask Ao Guang for rain, which last-minute the best he could do is sneeze a few times without his rain equipment leading to two kinds of dragon fluids in the medicine.'

57. Healing fatigue and infirmity is the fifty-seventh ordeal [chaps. 68-69]; Despite the questionable materials that Wukong used within the medicine in the end he was actually able to heal the king from his ailments, as he has shown that he just needed another, push to finally get himself out of bed so to speak. I’m not sure how much of the dragon fluids what part of that or if perhaps it was a placebo effect, but in the end, what mattered was that king was more than convinced that he was all healed up and then proceeded to say the source of his ailment started when he game depression from losing his wife. The reason he was fated to lose his wife was that he once shot two young birds, male, and female, children of the Bodhisattva Peacock King. After the Peacock King repented and the Buddha Mother ordered the king to suffer for three years losing his own mate, and he became ill.

58. Subduing monster to recover a queen is the fifty-eighth ordeal [chaps. 69-71]; Wukong was able to infiltrate Sai Tai Sui (賽太歲) lair and even have the kidnapped queen who was his hostage help steal Saitaisui's magical treasures the Purple Gold Bells while he was under the disguise of Spring Grace (春娇), the queen's demon servant. It was with this help that Wukong was able to defeat him. The queen was protected all these years with his own treasure the Five-Colored Dress which made it impossible for anyone to touch her from Immortal Ziyang. It’s actually quite lovely to see how Wukong even cooperates with the captives in their own escape plan, as they already have a trusted position with the demon. Wukong disguises himself as Going and Coming (有来有去) and once he gets the treasure he still wanted to keep the treasure for himself, but in the end, Wukong shows how his patients and planning were able to win another battle. This demon was Guanyin's celestial beast that escaped heaven, her wolf mount, and she was glad to take him back to heaven.

59. Delusion by the seven passions is the fifty-ninth ordeal [chap. 72]; this one was quite sad to me, only in the fact that Sanzang insisted on being the one to get water on his own, as a thank you to his disciples for always being the ones to get food and water for him. He wanted to start putting in his own work, despite just being a human and leading by example. Sadly, this does lead him to be the only one to encounter the seven Spider Demons (蜘蛛精) and of course, being taken back to their home. Despite all his attempts to leave peacefully, he was unable to do so and even pleaded with them to let them go else they might have to face his disciples. In the end, I just find it quite sad to think that, despite him trying to just get something as simple as water he was punished for such things. The seven spider sisters are supposed to resemble the seven emotions so there’s a lot of symbolism with the sisters themselves. There is also an appearance of Wukong fighting the seven sisters and seven adopted sons, listed as Bee (蜜), Hornet (蚂), Cockroach (蠦), Cantharis (班), Grasshopper (蜢), Maggot (蜡), and Dragonfly (蜻). All of them were given the choice of either being adopted or eaten by the sisters... they choose "forced adoption".

60. Being wounded by Many Eyes is the sixtieth ordeal [chap. 73]; Wukong was very much solo in this arc of this kind of journey as his companions have been poisoned and leaving them unconscious by the Hundred-Eyed Demon Lord (百眼魔君) who is the elder brother of the seven spider sisters. But their brother they did not share a cultivation master, but rather simply cultivated together by proximity. Wukong is actually very distraught for a lot of the chapter over the idea that his companions might really be dead. Hundred Eyes is powerful in that his eyes can produce golden lights that still inflict damage on Wukong's body of gold and steel. It’s only when he’s able to receive help by searching for his natural enemy himself that he was able to get what he needed not even from a person, but rather the same person that he used to fight the Scorpion Demon, the Star official Pleides... who is still a chicken. It was only with that chicken they were was able to subdue the centipede demon at the cost of his sisters. While the sisters call Hundred Eyes when Wukong held them hostage, Wukong offered to release them for the exchange of his party. The sisters begged their senior brother, but the senior brother abandoned them for eating Sanzang and as such Wukong took the sisters lives for his choice. The man was able to be subdued himself and even taken in by Plian who said he will keep him as his mountain's guardian, similar to Balck Wind Spirit and Gunayin. He was able to keep his life but this shows that even those that you considered family do not always have your best interests in heart and might betray you for their own selfish needs.

61. The way blocked at the Lion-Camel Kingdom is the sixty-first ordeal [chaps. 74-75]; this is arguably the largest amount of enemies that Wukong was forced to face and it is a possibility that Wukong could just go headfirst and defeat all of them. He does say he could make his staff as larger as a mountain range and smash his enemies to death. But the amount of damage that it could cost to the landscape and even leaving his party behind could have unspeakable consequences. Rather, it was so clever and amazing for Wukong to go behind, enemy territory, disguised himself as Small Wind Cutter (小钻风), and uncover information about his enemies, which is always a delight to see how Wukong it’s very clever and so charismatic that he’s able to sync on his feet quickly. Immediately he is indoctrinated within a demon army that they just give him all the information about their kings, Golden Winged Great Peng (金翅大鵬雕), Yellow Toothed Elephant (黃牙老象), and Azure Lion (青毛獅子) and be able to make plans for how to counteract the demons of camel ridge. We see a lot of changes in his reaction throughout this journey especially now that he’s actually becoming more remorseful when it comes to killing Yaoguai and especially when it comes to the protectiveness he feels for his group. If anything, this is a great chapter as it’s three-on-three with Peng, Elephant, and Lion verse Wujing, Bajie, and Wujing respectively. The Lion has the power to swallow enemies whole, Elephant can use their nose to capture people, and Peng with his golden wings to move faster than anyone else. Peng ate the king of Lion Camel Country 500 years ago, right after Wukong was imprisoned. He was the one to team up with Lion and Elephant to defeat Sun Wukong with their combined strength.

62. The fiends divided into three colors is the sixty-second ordeal [chaps. 74-77]; Wukong's first mission in order to counteract these demons is when it comes to trying to separate the group into three parts, leaving them far more defenseless than they have originally been. By creating rumors and lies within the ranks, he was able to disband the army by the thousands as they all left the stations leaving the path between his party and the other side of the mountain more unguarded than they originally planned. It was also through this that Wukong was able to even infiltrate their own caves and see these demons firsthand. Honestly, the amount of gaslighting Wukong does on these demons is actually masterful, and it kind of goes into that saying how knowledge is the most powerful weapon in any warfare kind of ideology. Also, very interesting to see Wukong very much voicing out to the younger demons that they are not going to get any benefits from serving their kings, very much a kind of rebellious attitude that I think follows him heavily down the line. While Wukong does disband the armies he still gets caught by the kings for a moment, first in Peng's flask which he had to use his three hairs gifted by Guanyin to escape, and the second being drunk by Lion and punishing his way in his stomach. He also breaks his teeth when trying to bite down on him but he bit on his Iron cudgel instead and then tying him up and has the other two surrender... only to fight Elephant later.

63. Meeting calamity in the city is the sixty-third ordeal [chaps. 76-77]; Sadly despite best efforts Sanzang is still captured and taken to the demon city that we have created. This is only because Wukong was able to capture Elephant and keep him hostage. He knew when he was captured by his trunk to just stab him from Bajie's advice, but Sanzang truly believing that the demons have learned a lesson asks for Wukong to let them go once Elephant says they will just escort them out of the mountain and they can continue living in their demon city. Sadly, Peng finds that he cannot live with a slight. Despite Wukong subduing Lion and Elephants he still left them alive and Peng organized another attack, tricking the party and leading to Sanzang being captured. This again leads to another battle between all six of them with Wukong fighting Peng, Bajie fighting Elephant, and Wujing fighting Lion. Which does end with the entire pilgrimage being captured due to their secret abilities until Wukong is able to escape and stop them from being cooked alive in a giant steam pot. However, Peng hearing this, spreads the rumor that Sanzang has already been eaten, trying to deter Wukong from saving him. Instead, this plan backfires and leads to Wukong and Bajie destroying the entire demon city and the entire mountain once they heard rumors that Sanzang was eaten and plan to avenge in a single night by destroying the entire demon army and kingdom. Teamwork makes the dream work!

64. Requesting Buddha to subdue the demons is the sixty-fourth ordeal [chap. 77]; Wukong actually goes to Buddha himself once he believes that Sanzang is dead to complain about how he could do this to him. Wukong went in and destroyed the entire city of demons to avenge his master but it still didn't bring him back, he was distraught and blamed Buddha himself for doing this to him. He goes right to Western Heaven to blame Buddha for this enough and there he demands that he fulfill Sanzang's mission himself as his last wish or for Buddha to let him go since he just plans on playing these games. Of course, Buddha explains to him that Sanzang is not dead in his mission and isn’t destroyed, but in fact, goes himself to take down the demons as one of them is, in fact, his uncle, due to interesting relationships. This is what led to the Lion, Elephant, and Peng are to be taken back as heavenly beasts. Lion is the steed of Manjusri Bodhisattva and escaped earlier as well when he was the Lion-Lynx King and pretending to be a prince's dad. The Elephant is the steed of Puxian Bodhisattvawho was actually blown down to earth by the Yellow Wind Demon who was one of the first demons. Being the six-tusked white elephant means he was most likely inspired by Sakyamuni and his white elephants that he road with six tusks as well. The white elephant holds a lot of symbolism connected to Bodhisattvas showing his connection to heaven. And Peng is the most connected to the heavens, making him the eldest brother of the trio as he is to be subdued by the Tathagata Buddha himself, similar to how Wukong had to be subdued by him. Peng tried to fight off Tathagata but as Lion and Elephant were panicking at their own masters he was quickly taken down. Peng was a descendant of a phoenix and his sister a Peacock as another demon that ate Tathagata Buddha. Instead of killing the Peacock, Tathagata Buddha made her his godmother, making Peng his Uncle, hence their connection. Pengs, or rather Garudas, are known to be dragon eaters in Indian mythos, being their natural predators but they are usually seen as more positive symbols in literal beyond Xiyouji or even Fengshen Yanyi. The Golden Peng here is VERY similar to Wukong in both his arrogance and his symbolism. Great Peng is also an of the unity of the Buddha and the demon, similar to Wukong as well, but while Peng was given his stance in Buddhism, he rejected it for the sake of glory, while Wukong is working TOWARDS that stance of enlightenment. They are reverse mirrors of each other, coming from different backgrounds but having similar fillings in life for their pursuit of powers. Peng and Wukong are both cunning and clever but while Peng was fighting to become glorious, Wukong fights with himself to become a better person.

65. Rescuing the lads at Bhiksu is the sixty-fifth ordeal [chap. 78]; this one was definitely one of the most convoluted trials as this was a White Deer Spirit (白鹿精) tricking the King of Bhiksu into thinking that his illness can only be healed with the hearts of 10,000 baby boys. Sanzang is moved to compassion and asks Wukong to save the boys he gets thousands of local spirits to take the boys into the woods, and feeds them fruits until he’s cleared up the mess with the kingdom. The mess was White Deer being the King’s father-in-law, and saying that this was the best way for him to heal. There’s a very funny moment where Wukong is pretending he is Sanzang because now the White Deer is saying that they should just eat Sanzang and I’m not sure if a human would gain immortality by eating Sanzang but I think it’s safe to say he’s been very much manipulated. Wukong pretends to be Sanzang when he is asked for his heart, Wukong literally starts ripping out nine hearts from his chest and says he doesn’t have a black heart to give. I think this shows how he thinks of Sanzang and how he greatly enjoys using his body to scare his enemies. White Deer Spirit was originally the mount of the Star of Antarctica and escaped when he was not paying attention, also stealing his panlong crutch as a weapon.

66. Distinguishing the true from the deviate is the sixty-sixth ordeal [chap. 79]; Sadly White Deer's plan to use his adopted daughter White-Faced Vixen Spirit (白面狐狸) is what leads to her own death as she was the one in charge of feeding lies to the king and uncovering her as a demon trying to use him for power. White Deer has the audacity to try to defend himself saying that he should be allowed to practice his own beliefs, but Wukong quickly shuts that down when he says that it doesn’t come at the cost of sacrificing literally thousands of other lives for his own selfish benefits, which I think shows his own kind of growth of how he shouldn’t sacrifice other for the sake of his own gains. Similar to how Wukong showed very little empathy for his sworn brothers' armies in the past (while Wukong's army was safe his sworn brothers' armies were captured by the heavens), and now see how he is changing his worldview that it doesn’t matter who you sacrifice know when it should be the cost of your own benefit. Similar to how White Deer is subdued, but in the end it cost him his own adopted daughter White Vixen who died. The Vixen is a symbol of how often foxes are used to symbolize the fall of a country, like in the Nine-Tails Fox story, White Vixen here was poisoning the mind of the king with false promises and using her beauty to cover her scandals. She is killed by Bajie again showing the continuous trend of Bajie being the one to fight demons that use their power of seduction to get what they want.

67. Saving a fiend at a pine forest is the sixty-seventh ordeal [chap. 80]; I find this trial to be absolutely fascinating, especially when it came to like how far the journey mates have come, but also shows that Sanzang still refuses to compromise on his own beliefs. Lady Earth Flow (金鼻白毛老鼠精) is of course, pretending to be a woman in need and while Sanzang is all for helping her Wukong tells him that she could be a demon in disguise that could hurt him. And of course, Bajie says otherwise. If anything Sanzang was actually more prone not to believe Bajie at this point, especially when he accused Wukong of just wanting to sleep with the woman himself, and Sanzang knowing Bajie is lying at that point started to walk away from the fiend. But she played the old “what kind of monk doesn’t help someone who asks for help” and Sanzang does feel guilty for compromising his morals. He explains to Wukong that while he does agree that there was a high chance that she could be a demon in this could all be a trick, he cannot give up a chance to help someone that still calls for help, human or a demon. And it’s that kind of mine said that put him in danger a lot but it’s also that kind of mine said that I think is very hard to keep especially after everything he’s been through. He’s still willing to put himself in danger if that means he can help someone that’s actually in need. Yes, that could be considered very foolish of him, but I think it also shows that he’s still very brave as well, that he doesn’t want to become someone that questions every single person he helps just for the sake of himself.

68. Falling sick in a priestly chamber is the sixty-eighth ordeal [chap. 81]; this chapter is very interesting because it actually dives into what the Golden Cicada actually did in order to be forced down to earth to live out 10 lifetimes. This is the only real connection we get to learn about the Golden Cicada as a lot of this before it’s just brushing off his punishment of defying the scripture in a vague way. And honestly, it’s understandable because the Golden Cicada really isn’t that vital to the story, rather, this is just about Sanzang’s own merit. I think a lot of people get confused that Sanzang was chosen because he was the Golden Cicada, but I really don’t think that’s the case. Rather Sanzang was chosen because of what he has accomplished, hence why GuanYin had to go look for someone to complete the mission in the first place. She didn’t immediately suggest him and that wasn’t the entire plan, but rather it was just the perfect opportunity for Sanzang to live out his final 10th lifetime and because of what he has accomplished in the past before. Sanzang has done a lot of work himself, and it is a shame when people usually brush it off to think it’s just because of who he used to be rather than who he is. He does fall ill and Wukong and the gang stay at a monastery for him to heal up and rest. Meanwhile, a certain female demon is keeping her distance but rather aiming for OTHER monks in the meantime.

69. Being imprisoned at the Bottomless Cave is the sixty-ninth ordeal [chaps. 81-83]; this is of course when Lady Earth Flow finally shows her true colors, and it shows that she is in fact, a Yaoguai. Surprisingly took quite a while, and she even waited until after Sanzang was feeling better to kidnap him, of course. In the meantime, she kidnapped other monks, making the whole vibe of the arc kind of like a murder mystery, but it really wasn’t in murder mystery because it’s very obvious that it was her. But to the rest of the monks, they were just wondering who could be attacking them while Wukong immediately confronted her but sadly she was able to slip away and steal Sanzang. Wukong was able to infiltrate the cave and see that she recognized King Li and Nezha as both her godfather and godbrother that he went to heaven to confront them. From there, they accused him of lying and tired him up with rope and the whole debacle of Wukong not wanting to sue King Li. This led to one thing after another, honestly of trying to appease Wukong who wanted to roll all the way to the jade emperor’s court to sue. Luckily, the star of Venus was able to come and down, and of course, Nezha and King Li were able to get the lost adopted relative under control. She was a heavenly pest in heaven, a golden nose albino rate, and was considered to be the Banquan Guanyin as she took two candle sticks from Tathagata after being vouched by King Li and Nezha she was renamed Banquan Guanyin and took on the mantle Lady Earth Flow.

There is legends of Cintāmaṇi or the 如意寶珠 a wish-fulfilling jewel within both Hindu and Buddhist traditions. The Cintāmaṇi is one of several Mani Jewel images found in Buddhist scripture. Later texts portray the Mani Gem in an unexpected way. It was said to have been owned by the god Indra in the beginning, but it fell to the ground during a conflict with the Asuras, granting the wishes of those who possess it. The Mani Pearl is also spewed out by the Treasure-Vomiting Rat/Ferret(吐宝鼠) in Vaisravana's hand. The rat is on a lot of statues of Vaisravana in the Devaraja Halls but the few Tibetan buddhist temples have the rat actually spewing out pearls that gathered in a bowl at the bottom of the wall painting. This rat is probably an inspiration for Lady Earth Flow being the adopted daughter of Li Jing, who merged with most of Vaisravana's iconography

70. Difficulty in going through Dharma-Destroying Kingdom is the seventieth ordeal [chap. 84]; this one was more insane over how in the first place this all came to be. The Ruler of the Kingdom of Miefa (滅法國) has slaughtered 9,996 monks within his kingdom within just 2 years and was aiming to go for 10,000 monks to kill. Not only is this just a ludicrous amount of people dying within the time frame, but specifically that he wanted to kill monks because priests in the past have 'slandered' them. Gee, I wondered why. The gang tries to bypass through under the disguise of merchants but are trapped in wardrobe boxes when trying to hide and are taken to the king directly as the boxes were "stolen goods." But Wukong at this point has stopped himself from attacking first and asking questions later, showing that he rather use manipulation tactics to show people the error of their ways. Wukong in the middle of the night, he made thousands of razor blades and decides to shave every head within the kingdom, not a single head was spared in that whole kingdom to make them all look like monks as well. Luckily this entire act was met with the king humbling himself a great amount when Sanzang and company came in to ask for permission for the travel receipts. If anything Wukong was the one really leading the situation, changing the foundation of an entire kingdom enough that they changed the name to Dharma-Honoring Kingdom. Really shows what a leader Wukong can be and how intelligent he is to convince an entire kingdom.

71. Meeting demons at Mist-Concealing Mountain is the seventy-first ordeal [chaps. 85-86]; this one, in particular, is one of the most emotional chapters, without a doubt as this is another chapter where the King of the Southern Hill (南山大王) tricks Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing into believing that Sanzang was eaten, and in fact, he gives them a fake human head to sell it. Wukong at first sees through the first deceptions but when they are given a real human head (of someone else) this lead to them all mourning Sanzang. This demon knows that he is not strong enough to actually fight Wukong head-on, and is one of the few demons we see that doesn’t have a treasure or special ability to fight Wukong. He understands he’s not strong enough and thus he has to use more tactics than usual with the help of his vanguard Iron Backed Grey Wolf (铁背苍狼). It’s actually very sad to see how much the gang goes through the morning process because they think Sanzang is truly dead. Big mistake on the Southern Hill King's part in thinking that they would leave after three days of mourning because instead of leaving or anything like that, Wukong and Bajie both agree that they should avenge the master and kill every demon within the cave, and then burn the cave to the ground. Not a lot of symbolism, though it’s very straightforward, especially when it comes to avenging one's master but it’s great teamwork to be seen and the reunion is absolutely adorable. Wukong back and forth between saving Sanzang from his ropes and killing the passed-out demon not knowing which is the better option. But Sanzang gives thanks to the dead man whose real head was used because if it was not for him, his disciples wouldn’t have tried to invade the cave and then save him in the process. The demon was said to cause havoc in the Zheyue Lianhuan Cave of Yinwu Mountain, referring to Mount Zhongnan, which is one of the birthplaces of Taoism and an excellent place to cultivate immortals. This leopard spirit claims to be the king of the southern hill, but he is boasting as the narrator in the original book calls him the old monster of the southern island.

72. Seeking rain at Phoenix-Immortal Prefecture is the seventy-second ordeal [chap. 87]; this one, in particular, is more about how Heaven interacts with the Earth, and how heads of state or responsible for their people in particular. It’s common in Chinese mythos, that if there’s ever a great famine, or if there are just natural disasters, it is to be blamed on the current king or person in charge of the province. And this was a way of saying the person in charge at the moment is a bad omen, and that should either be removed from power or they appease heaven forever for crimes they commit. This includes usually tax refunds, pardoning people, and giving back to the community in some way or form in order to not only appease the community doing these hard times but also to appease heaven. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. And in this case, the King of Phoenix-Immortal Prefecture (凤仙郡王), insulted Heaven by flipping a table when his wife gave him some terrible news. As such the land around him with the drought for about three years. The king was unaware of his crimes because he was in a fit of rage and once he was able to rectify said crimes rain was able to come back to the prefect.

73. Losing their weapons is the seventy-third ordeal [chap. 88]; this chapter is focused on Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing's weapons because this is the chapter where the three all take on disciples that is in the form of three princes. They were so incredibly amazed by the gang's magical powers and weapons, that they practically beg to be taught under them. Of course, because the princes want little copies of the masters' weapons, the weapons were sent to the forge to get measured. Sadly, when they were out of the sites was when Tawny Lion Demon (黃獅精) was able to snag them in the middle of the night. This does lead to more shenanigans than originally thought, but it’s quite interesting to see how Wukong was able to bless these princes with supernatural powers in order to keep them strong and young even longer than they originally intended. Luckily, Wukong has about to find out where their weapons were taken thanks to Shifty (刁钻古怪) and Freaky (古怪刁钻), two demons that were talking too loud. It is noted that these demons do not usually involve themselves in the affairs of humans and were considered to be very low-key until this point.

74. The festival of the rake is the seventy-fourth ordeal [chap. 89]; the original weapons were going to be taken by the Tawny Lion and like his six other brothers, Gibbon-Lion (猱獅) Snow Lion (雪獅) Suanyi (狻猊) Baize (白澤) Wildcat (伏狸) Elephant-Baiter (摶象) who just wanted to go for that fame and recognition from the weapon festival that was to be held soon. Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing designed themselves to be Shifty, Freaky, and a goose header to infiltrate inside. I do enjoy this as this is the first time we see Wujing use his transformation powers and the group's first infiltration mission together. The demons seem to have often made trade with humans and even buy their food stock supplies from them. they were not about to make it far as another demon Child Blue Face was able to call them out on their inconstancies. It is revealed that these seven brothers are the god-grandson of a heavenly beast Grand Saint of Nine Spirits (九靈元聖) and feel the right to take the weapons. I can’t say too much about the implications of this battle but I do want to just reiterate how the heavenly beast often wants to go down to earth, and why did they adopt other demons into the family or simply create a new family it is quite often to be met with disaster, how they brought them into the schemes. Funny enough while Nine Spirit is high in power he does not have a humanoid form yet, whether it be from his own choice or that he hasn't had enough time to cultivate one, he still was able to amass an army and speak without any trouble. But it is nice to see demon civilizations that are not hunted down just for being demons, rather it is always a moment of being provoked on either side that starts this conflict, and in this case, it is theft.

75. Meeting disaster at Bamboo-Knot Mountain is the seventy-fifth ordeal [chap. 90]; it was definitely at the height of the battle after losing his grandchildren does Nine Spirits finally joins the battle, does more clever tricks of trying to figure out who these people are, and from there Wukong finds Nine Spirits' owner Tianzun in order to wrangle him in. In the end, it’s very sad to say that the runaway heavenly beast lost all his grandchildren because of this constant battle between the two. If anything, I do find it kind of a reflection of how Wukong also treated his subjects as his own grandchildren and what kind of devastation it would feel to lose any of them. Wukong lost his own subjects, those that he saw as his own adopted grandkids and similar Nine Spirit lost all seven of his adopted grandsons. Nine Spirits at this point did not kidnap Sanzang for the sake of immortality but rather wanted vengeance for his own children’s lives. While he was a loving grandfather he still indulged in his grandchildren's theft when he knew they were outgunned from the start, leading to the loose of all his family. He does kidnap the princes and all of the group other than Wukong but the main idea was to have revenge for his little lions rather than the idea of eating.

76. Suffering at Mysterious Flower Cave is the seventy-sixth ordeal [chap. 91]; this one was just sad how Sanzang can’t even do a simple thing like worshiping without the risk of being kidnapped. Wukong just let him out of the site for a single second and the Yaoguai pounced on it, just a second before Wukong could warn Sanzang to look out. This one is mostly dealing with three demons King of Cold Protection (辟寒大王), King of Heat Protection (辟暑大王), and King of Dust Protection (辟塵大王) that have been tricking a monastery into that they are Buddhist deities and have been stealing the oil supply the entire time. At this particular moment, when Sanzang was bowing to give respect Wukong was just a fraction too late to tell him about his suspicions and Sanzang was quickly winded away. I actually really enjoy this chapter for the sole purpose that Sanzang tries to warn his kidnappers not to take him, and actually brags about his disciples. It makes the demons more alarmed, but he did try to spare their lives. At this point, Sanzang knows strong demons versus weaker demons and does try to give them a warning about his disciples for their own sake. Even when the rhinos plan to eat him quickly, Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing are already at their door and they try to hide Sanznag.

77. Capturing the rhinoceroses is the seventy-seventh ordeal [chap. 92]; Sadly despite being on time to stop the demons, Wujing and Bajie do get kidnapped themselves and Wukong need it back up to save them. This leads to him asking the four-star offices to help with taking them down, and they tried to run away to the west, the Dragon Prince of the West Sea, Ao Moang, (Bailong's brother) stops them and helps Wukong in their capture. They are about to free Bajie and Wujing and Bajie killed Cold Protection, but they were able to arrest Dust Protection and Heat Protection who would be executed. Kind of brutal, but it is interesting to see how Wukong how has become very well-versed in which criminals go where to be properly charged for their crimes rather than being the executor himself. Something that he has brought about is that he knows exactly who to go to, and for what solution as he has ties with every person. I think it kind of just pushes on the fact that Wukong rather than being seen as the only one of his kind, rather sees himself as being connected to everyone and therefore can go where he pleases to get help, advice, or backup.

78. Being forced to marry at India is the seventy-eighth ordeal [chaps. 93-95]; this one is a personal favorite as it doesn’t get a lot of attention, but the Jade Rabbit Spirit (玉兔精) is the enemy of this particular arc where she is trying to sleep with Sanzang under the guise of being the princess. The Jade Rabbit already has a lot of lore behind them, and this one is quite interesting how instead of playing a pet, or at least a supporting role, they are the antagonist within the story. In the end, it actually touches back to Bajie and his connection with Chang’e as they had to get her to retrieve her pet back to the Moon Palace. They have to go to a kingdom to find the real princess but once the real princess has been revealed, Jade Rabbit does kidnap Sanzang for a while instead of trying to play princes any longer. This is supposed to be another test of preserving one’s body, which Sanzang completes flawlessly, and even Wujing has some great one-liners in this. Bajie despite all that he has done so far, still shows that he is head over heels for Chang’e still for one seeing her Wukong has to slap him out of his stupor. The Jade Rabbit usually smashes medicine in the Moon Palace but this time they slipped out of the palace and fled to earth and took over the appearance of Princess of Tianzhu who was reincarnated by Su'e. Su'e was a fairy that kicked the Jade Rabbit while in the Moon Palace, something that the Jade Rabbit still has a grudge against, and thus in Su'e reincarnation, the Jade Rabbit planned to have revenge by taking her likeness and kidnapping Sanzang to be her husband as the cherry on top. There are serval legends of the Jade Rabbit, one being that they are Hou Yi transformed by the Jade Emporer after his shooting of the ten suns and another is that they were once owned by the Queen Mother and a gift to Chang'e who was turned into a toad when she came to the Moon Palace to have a partner to help her create medicine. However, the toad legend was dropped cause it wasn't that popular with people when it came to Chang'e's beauty. Another legend has it that Wu Gang, the woodcutter on the moon was offered a meal by a fox, monkey, and rabbit. The fox and monkey gave him food but the rabbit offered itself and threw itself in the fire. As such Wu Gang and Chang'e were so moved that the rabbit became immortal and became the Jade Rabbit. Another is that the Jade Rabbit is one of the zodiac animals under the Jade Emporer. Or that the Jade Rabbit is actually the incarnation of Chang'e. In Taoism, the Jade Rabbit is often opposite to the Golden Crow, representing the coordination of yin and yang in the cultivation of the golden elixir. There are a lot of legends is what I'm trying to say.

79. Jailed at Bronze Estrade Prefecture is the seventy-ninth ordeal [chap. 97]; this one is absolutely one such defining chapter because it is a reflection of the first arc that Wukong and Sanzang went on together. Because in this one, they also face robbers that have come to steal from them. But rather than in the original site where Wukong fought the six robbers and let them get a few hits on him so he could kill them… can you freeze in them all and ties them up so they can be properly arrested for their crimes. This is such a big difference from where he was at the start of the journey, where he would just kill them for their transgressions, but it shows that he found it recognizes that he knows how powerful he could be, and while yes he could kill them without any effort, he decides to subdue the humans rather than killing them, and I think this shows growth from his past actions to his present actions. Of course, they still get blamed for the murder of Squire Kou (寇洪) because they were the 'last people there' when it was actually the robbers they just arrested. Kou was a kind man trying to feed 10,000 monks and he just reached 9,996 when he was luckily visited by the gang to complete his number. Sadly, he was killed the next morning and his family wanted swift justice, and his wife made it to frame Sanang and the gang as she blamed them for this calamity in the first place. They have to spend the night in jail but Wukong just pretends he’s a ghost, and told them to let them go, get the robber's testimonies, or else he’ll still haunt them. The wife admits her false allegations from fright and the four are sent off again. Wukong even goes to Hell to make sure that Kou gets his life back and even gets to live longer for his good deeds.

80. Delivered of mortal stock at Cloud-Transcending Ferry is the eightieth ordeal [chap. 98]; this one it’s kind of tricky, as technically Sanzang "dies" in this circumstance of events. He goes through a transformation, similar to that of a cicada when he loses his mortal shell in favor of his new immortal body as they watch his old body float down the stream. This can be similar to how he was first brought into the world, floating down the stream to keep him safe and now he is still watching himself float as he enters a new life for himself. The gang watches his body go down the stream as Bajie, Wujing, and Wukong are already immortal and when they finally cross from then on, he finally reaches his long way to go of reaching the Mount. It’s very emotional probably what he has to go through seeing his own model carcass leave him, but in return is the new body he attends. And while this most likely is not a trial I do want to say they were almost ricked by Ananda (阿傩) and Kasyapa (伽叶) two of Buddha's disciples that if they did not bribe them with material goods they wouldn't give the scriptures and while Wukong wished to report them they give in... only to give them FAKE scriptures. They were only aware when White Heroic Honored One warned them and they went straight back to complain and get the real ones. Buddha pardon them saying that since they came in with empty hands they were to get empty scriptures and they could be used as scriptures if one was already enlightened... which is kinda rude considering the scripture were there to help that in the first place. But in the end, gave them his alms bowl, the one that was gifted to him by Gaunyin and funny enough the whole room called the two out for their shameless behavior of asking monks for gifts in the first place. But they still kept the bowl.

81. Thrown off by the White Turtle [chap. 99]; and the final last-minute trial in order for them to reach enlightenment was being thrown off by the Great White Turtle (大白老鼋) and soiling in the scriptures they work so hard to attain. This is the same turtle whose home was taken away by the King of Spiritual Touch and once he was taken back to Guanyin this turtled offered to take them across the large river in promised that Sanzang would have how long he has until he can cultivate into a human body as he is already so old. However with all the confusion, Sanzang forgot to ask Buddha and thus the turtle shakes them off his back, ruining some of the scripture. The four try desperately to salvage what was wet by drying them on a rock and all throughout the night man deities, demons, and spirits tried to take the scriptures if not for Wukong and Sanzang mere presence of enlightenment. Heaven and Earth were both so envious of the descriptions that both gods and demons were trying to snatch them away. The scriptures was dried by some were ripped, leaving their make on the rock and thus it is called Scripture Drying Boulder or something. Wukong in all his wisdom says it is because neither the Heavens nor the Earth is perfect either and as such having perfect scriptures, would not fit such a World. Instead, there should be room for doubt and should be room for ambiguity in order for the world to resonate with the scriptures. I do find it quite philosophically and interesting that a book that is saturated with religious allegories still tries to push for the idea that there should be a sense of searching for one’s own path as well and not all the answers are going to be in scriptures, but rather you’re going to have to take things into your own account of what you believe as well. Also, this is supposed to reference Xuanzang’s own pilgrimage back home and how he also lost some scriptures in a river and spent many years trying to recover that lost information. It’s such a tragedy that he spent so many years getting them, only to lose some on the way back, but I greatly enjoy how Wukong within this novel explains that not everything in the world can be perfect and as such fits to have imperfect scriptures in an imperfect world.

AND THAT IS ALL THE TRAILS IN THE 14-YEAR JOURNEY!

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a-soft-fluffy-girl · 9 months ago

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TL;DR: Steam just made library sharing so much fucking easier and so much fucking better. Instead of login-trading, it's just a simple goddamn invite.

Read this. Really. It's a good read. Because it shows that, full-stop, Valve isn't just doubling down on their stance to make sure that people can and should be able to share their copies of digital goods as easily as they can physical ones, but they're making it better and easier than ever.

But you know how Steam allowed you to, with either friends or family, link accounts with another person to be able to establish an ability to share game libraries with one another? The general gist of Steam Family Sharing was that, with a limit of five people plus you (six in total) on a limit of ten computers total could share account access to willingly mix your libraries. You could play theirs. They could play yours.

This was a huge boon. It was meant to emulate sharing a physical copy of a game. A way to allow children to play games their parents or siblings had bought without having to fork over double the cash to buy it a second game. But it had some major limitations and drawbacks, and was archaic to use.

If a person did not share the same computer, you had to manually log into that computer to give it and the accounts on it access. This wouldn't be a problem if both accounts were used on the same computer, but many households (and astronomically more family and friend groups) had multiple computers, all used by different people.

If that computer, at any point, was hard reset to any point before the sharing occurred, you lost access. And had to do the whole process again. This was also an issue with computer transfers. The whole kit and kaboodle needed to be redone on upgrades. On top of that, the old computer is now just dead weight that you may not realize you have to manually revoke access to.

Putting your account information on another person's computer opens up security issues. They could, intentionally or accidentally, land themselves on your account if the login information was stored. Which could easily lead to purchases or bans you did not want to happen.

If anyone was, at any point, playing any game on their own library, you had no access to their games. Even if it was a totally different game, you had to wait your turn as if waiting for their computer to be freed up to sit at. (Admittedly this is kind of like the "mom said it's my turn on the xbox" meme, but hey, kinda archaic.)

You could not choose whose library you accessed a game from. Not at all. It always prioritized the first library it gained access from, DLC access and multiplayer be damned. If another friend you were accepting games from had more DLC? Too bad.

And yet here we are. Steam Families Beta fixes EVERYTHING about the above issues. By just going through Settings > Interface > client Beta Participation and clicking onto Steam Families Beta? You get:

No more login sharing. No more computer links. You can now choose which person's library you borrowed from. And you can play any other game from someone's library, even while they're in-game. It just needs to be a different game than what they're playing.

Pick five people. Invite them to your family. And now everyone has access to everyone's library. My goddamn library went from 150-ish to almost a goddamn thousand in ten minutes of setup.

Account sharing and password sharing are dirty words that "lose" billions of dollars. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, Max. They aren't game storefronts, but they still allow you to access massive libraries and scream like you murdered their firstborns for daring to share your password with your mother after you moved out.

Microsoft tried pushing to demonize and undercut used games sales and borrowed copies of physical games. Remember the first attempt to reveal the Xbox One? People forget, but these vultures tried to make an always online console that checked to see if you were the account that owned the game, even if you had a physical disc, and prevent access to the disc's contents if you weren't the original downloader.

Valve walked the fuck up. Valve tapped the mic. And Valve dropped the fucking thing right onto the ground with one feature's revamp.

About the only issues I can see with this are twofold:

If someone sharing your library gets banned from a game's servers... so do you. No one else in the family does, but the both of you do. This is... rather unpleasant, because banhammers can be dropped quite frequently by mistake. I'd urge Valve to rethink this one, but I see the logic: don't cheat and effectively bite the hand feeding you. Still making me side-eye that, though.

If you leave a family you've joined? You have to wait a YEAR to join a new one. It's to prevent people form jumping ship to another group and screwing over who's in the former one in the process, but a YEAR? OUCH.

Problems aside, though... it's probably the biggest fucking power move I have ever seen a media distributor make in the current economic climate. It's the kind of thing that would let so many new games be available in a way that's easier than ever. Just a few clicks to send or accept an invite, and bam. Permanent access to dozens or even hundreds of new games with so much more freedom than earlier drafts of the system.

It's the kind of thing that slaps you in the face with positivity after so many Ls from the games and media industries. And I'm all the fuck for a W like this.

#steam #valve #video games #steam games

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simplyreveries · 11 months ago

Note

I ADORE YOUR WRITING!!

what about a reader who’s unknowingly flirting with the twst wonderland cast (specifically savanclaw, octanaville and diasomnia) because of culture differences and species differences?

e.g petting their ears, giving them gifts, smiling with teeth (bc for moray eels that’s how they mate 👀)

OR fem reader who has her period and some of the twst students can smell it I LITERALLY HAD A NIGHTMARE ABOUT THIS 😭😭😭😭

OMLL I APPRECIATE ITTT!!! sorry for the wait!!! i chose some from each dorm bc of my character limit btw!!

azul ashengrotto

despite how much azul continues to do his best to learn about life on land… relationships are certainly difficult for him to understand sometimes considering how long he has spent his life in the sea and though there are many similarities between merpeople… there are still some differences. once azul is rather close to you he does become unintentionally— clingy with you. (when you two officially get together that's another story) but he has a habit of wanting to lean close to you or have a hand on you in some way, like on the small of your back when showing you something in the mostro lounge.

so needless to say, he is in love with any sort of touch from you he takes that as some sort of hope and sign that you reciprocate how he feels haha. jade and floyd tease him ALL the time about it especially when he was struggling to keep his cool-headed composure after you once gave him a hug after he did something to help you once.

like I've said azul really doesn't think about it or even try to be this way around you he just does aljdfajdkhf. he’ll feel like a smitten fool as he sits in the vip lounge as he's doing papers and just think about how you playfully linked your arm around his to bring him somewhere. small things like that are actually quite big to him when it comes down to the differences.

jade leech

he's aware you probably don't know that you're unknowingly flirting with him, but he finds it amusing and plays along with you, nevertheless. he thinks it's cute that you don't know and all the more enticing, you’ll find him chuckling, trying to hide his grin with his gloved hand “oh my, I didn't know you liked me that much fufu” he’d say. you can't help but feel confused as to what he finds so interesting… like you literally just yawned.

it'll take him a while to actually tell you what it means since he finds the obliviousness to be quite cute. you only put two and two together when he tells floyd about what you did right in front of him and the two laugh about it. now you've got floyd teasing u about it..

like azul he is a little more affectionate just in a different more. in a less obvious fashion, though there definitely have been a few occasions where he likes to bring your hand to his lips and see your reaction, he finds it so amusing. he always has his teethy grin plastered on his face.

leona kingscholar

he hates the way he can always tell when you're wearing cologne or perfume and he hates that he likes it as well, he may or may not be a bit addicted to your scent. he literally can tell if you're near just because he knows the damn fragrance you use.

if you two are particuarly close... like him falling asleep around you and such. if you happen to pet his head and his ears, he immediately shoots you this look then mumbles something before being too tired to do anything about it or give you some retort. he just lets it happen... he does enjoy it anyway. slowly he kinda doesnt realize how clingy he can get with you because of it. he becomes a little needy and wanting more attention from you. he cant help it.... i mean you basically just showed him that you're fine with it anyways.

leona seems to be someone who can get pretty possessive, unintentionally too over you. kind of territorial, like if you're someone he has eyes for then he doesn't expect others to really get in the way of that.

malleus draonica

malleus is not only a fae but a pretty sheltered one too, I’d think he’d take almost anything from you as a sign of you being completely infatuated with him as he is with you. you could offer split your ice cream or invite him out somewhere, show any sort of interest in him as he talks about gargoyles as he’s doing single club activities. the one time you asked curiously and wanted to touch his horns, he’d be searching for the loveliest jewel to bestow you for your wedding day.

speaking of jewels… he gifts to you a lot especially after you give him anything first (it could be a cool rock you found) and he’d be so smitten and glad to reciprocate that by giving you earrings, rings, necklaces etc. and when you accept them even though you're not exactly fully understanding why he takes it even more as a sign of you accepting his advances.

after taking any of your little acts of being somewhat kind to him and he’s already so deeply into you, lilia would certainly be someone who hears just all about it. i think he would only feel happy for malleus, as it appears he must’ve found the right one. he is just supportive of malleus and is simply overjoyed to know he has some little human that makes him so happy.

lilia vanrouge

he has lived long enough and in different places to understands human courting's and more so than someone like malleus. he knows how different it is, trust me he is fully aware, but he thinks it's amusing. lilia pretends to take it the wrong way and watch you get all confused, when he's just being playful.

just cant help that he finds it so adorable when you unknowingly show him affections as a fae would in his culture. even just being slightly affectionate with him is enough to have him giggling and warning you to be careful to what fae you do that to. they do tend to take very kindly towards any affections and gifts!

lilia will straight up tell you though too, you could gift him and give him something neat you found or made, and he'd look up at you with a stupid grin like "kfufu... i accept your love, dear" NO???. he still holds onto anything from you with the utmost joy.

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1moreff-creator · 2 months ago

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DRDT CH2 PT2: Full Analysis

While CH2 Part 2 was releasing, I chose to make liveblog-reaction posts to the episodes to record my immediate thoughts for posterity, but that meant that actual, coherent analysis was pushed to the side in favor of me freaking out over… everything going on. But goddamn; even accounting for recency bias, this might just be my favorite trial of any DR style killing game I’ve ever seen (though admittedly I'm working with a small sample size). So I felt it merited a bit more… cohesive analysis. That’s what this post is!

WARNING: This post is around 28k words long. Do not click "read more" unless you're ready for lag, and make sure to take breaks while reading if needed.

Spoilers for DRDT CH2. CW: Murder, suicide, hanging, execution, gun violence, self-harm, blood, stabbing (fork).

(Btw you can find my immediate reactions in my post masterlist. Not linking each individually here because I hit Tumblr's 100 link limit. I know, I know)

How do I even structure this? I guess I’ll start with the actual case itself, then go character by character because WOW.

Also, I hope you forgive that I can't put images for every referenced piece of dialogue (Tumblr 30 image limit when I catch you...), so I'll save them for when they're necessary and instead add links to the referenced quote in the episode.

The Case

Although I’ve made many posts talking about this damn thing, I don’t think I’ve ever expressed just how cool the actual mystery is. The evidence is all there from the beginning bar the note and alibis, introduced in a way that doesn’t make the method obvious, but that still allowed the audience to figure out the main aspects without much issue. Everything follows logically, and while there’s a few things that ended up being less important than some expected (that glove will haunt the fandom forever I fear), everything got explained in what I consider to be a pretty satisfactory way. It wasn’t obscenely complex or crazy, but I consider the method to be just right for a chapter 2 case.

Oh and the Nico case was cool too, even if half the shit in that crime scene will haunt me forever. Why were there two weights off to the side-? not important.

If there’s one critique I can give the actual discussion of the case (and this is legitimately the only real critique I have of this entire set of episodes), I’d argue that the way the method is presented is… weird. Like, I get why, DRDT is clearly more focused on character conflict than the murder mystery aspect, but there were still a lot of moments where it felt like Teruko’s thought process wasn’t explored properly, to the point where it sometimes felt like Teruko just… magically got the answers whispered to her by the ghost of Kirigiri.

As an example, take the ball of clothes over the rafters. Ace mentions the issue of getting the rope up there, and Teruko immediately jumps to the right conclusion of the seemingly completely unrelated ball of clothes.

To illustrate why this feels weird, let me tell you what my thought process was when I came up with the theory (because again, the evidence was laid out well enough that I did manage to call this, even if I got a fair bit of other stuff wrong). Obviously it's not the only admissible thought process, but it's a good example to see how I feel the presentation of evidence should have been handled.

We know Arei was hung from high up (Veronika’s account) -> We can confirm something happened on the rafters because the lights are broken -> Brainstorming how that could have happened (screening room connection? Secret ladder?) -> Perhaps something was thrown up there with the rope attached -> Ball of clothes.

In the series, however, we get:

Arei was probably hung from high (Veronika’s account) -> Discussion continues, literally the entirety of Nico's situation gets explained -> Ace brings up the issue for the first time like three years later-> Teruko immediately points to the ball of clothes -> The lights are only mentioned after.

You get what I'm saying? The progression doesn't feel as natural, because we immediately jump to the conclusion without discussing the evidence that leads to it. This also happens with things like the pulley method, where Teruko explains everything before bringing up the tape on the spinny thing, which is the only thing implicating said spinny thing in the method. And I feel like the reason quite a few people felt there should be more to the case is because the evidence wasn't presented properly.

That said, this is an extremely minor point. Again, DRDT is more focused on character drama than murder mystery, so I don’t particularly mind if I can nitpick a few things in the writing surrounding the mystery solving.

And oh boy, was there character drama this trial! Thank the gods I’m only covering Part 2, I think I’d die if I tried to talk about the entire trial as a whole.

Character Analysis

I’ll go in order, starting with the characters I feel had the least prominence, and making my way to the ones who really stole the spotlight this part.

Mai Akasaki

No content lol. Though this is probably a good time to mention that, in this post, I'll mostly ignore theorizing related stuff and focus more on straight up character analysis, even if the two sometimes intersect. Game Theory-like speculation will mostly be saved for dedicated posts :p

Xander Matthews

He got mentioned, but he’ll come up in David’s section so. Skipping him.

Min Jeung

Well, there were a few references. Such as:

Min: I'll fix your mistake! - Teruko: But I'll fix my mistake.

Something something, David-Xander vs Teruko-Min parallels, etc. And also:

I like the visual symbolism that the images are effectively flipped (Teruko on the left-Teruko on the right and hugger on the right-hugger on the left, Teruko facing the camera-Teruko facing away), because the situations are inverted. In Min’s, the culprit hugs Teruko after she dooms them to their fate, and in Eden’s, a non-culprit hugs Teruko as she starts defending them. I did notice on first watch, but didn’t say anything because at the time it was still possible Eden was the culprit. Alas, the symbolism is consistent!

There's only one last thing to mention about Min. One tiny, itsy bitsy detail that probably has no lore relevance whatsoever.

MonoTV [2-16]: Now loading the default XF-Ture Tech personality drivers.

Min [BE1]: But one day, we were visited by the founder of that big company, XF-Ture Tech. He told my parents that he would sponsor me and pay for all of our expenses.

Oh yeah, MonoTV was created by the same company that sponsored Min as the Ultimate Student! Hey, what the fuck?

We'll get into it more later in the (I cannot believe I'm about to say this) MonoTV section (or rather the post linked to in said section), but MonoTV seems to have been created specifically for the killing game. This means there's a very real chance XF-Ture Tech is behind all this. That paints the sponsorship of Min as a strikingly shady thing (well, more than it already was), to the point there's a very real chance Min is straight up connected to the origins of the killing game, if not outright the mastermind. We'll have to see how this plays out later, since right now, we're still lacking a lot of critical context.

But hey! We might get more Min content in the future! I, for one, am very, very excited.

Charles Cuevas

Not too much character insight on this one, but he got a couple of cool moments. As always, funny, bounces well off Whit, very helpful in the trial, weirdly knowledgeable about jockeying (or maybe he just, like, thought about it, it’s not like most of what he says aren’t conclusions anyone could arrive at by simply knowing what horse racing is), and-

Charles [2-15]: I'm the only person reasonable enough to make that sort of judgement call. Everyone else who does so is being biased to the point of idiocy.

-it’s nice to see his pridefulness didn’t just go away after CH1! He’s neat :)

J Rosales/Moreno

Half of her dialogue this part is just her talking about how murder is bad. It’s fine, it’s just odd.

I guess if you want someone to point out murder’s bad, J’s one of the only real options, isn’t she? You need a confrontational character (so no Eden or Rose or Whit), who wouldn’t be a hypocrite (this eliminates Nico, Ace and Levi, arguably Hu since she defends Nico), who is mentally stable enough for their opinion to be held in high regard (this eliminates Arturo, David and Veronika, alongside half the cast), who is willing to derail the trial to talk morality (eliminating Charles and arguably Teruko), and who isn’t dead or missing (like Xander, Arei, Mai or Min).

Wait that’s the whole cast. Holy shit she actually is the only one that makes sense to be murder bashing how is this even possible.

…Regardless, you could still argue that you don’t need someone constantly pointing out murder’s bad, meaning there could very much be a deeper reason J is being so vocal about it. Apart from possibly being setup for her to be primary support moving forward, I personally think all this points to her just having a very strong set of beliefs regarding most things, which we could already kinda infer anyways.

Or maybe Mariabella killed a guy. Yeah, sure. Why not?

Veronika Grebenshchikoba

There were certainly a couple interesting Vero moments here, which is always fun. It was finally confirmed her secret was, as most theorized, the “took on your talent to distract yourself from the need to hurt yourself for fun” one. I mean, I feel like everyone called that one from the moment the curtain fell away from the screen with the motive secrets, but you get the idea.

We also learnt she had a pact with Hu regarding their secrets, which I would love to learn the details of, and definitely makes me interested in where these Recap Foils are going, as well as-

Veronika [2-13]: After all, my own so-called secret isn't even the worst thing I've done. Isn't that so utterly disappointing of this motive?

… whatever the hell that means. Why’s she gotta be so ominous? (I love this about her).

The last notable scenes to point out are all the scenes where she's... Veronika, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Her psychoanalysis of Levi will probably wait for when I talk about him, and her help during the time Teruko was figuring out the murder method is appreciated, but specifically about her:

Veronika [2-15]: Swallow your pride and say that you're too weak, too stupid, and too incompetent to perform this murder. Accept the fact that no one thinks highly of you. Or defend your dignity at the risk of admitting that you're perfectly capable of committing this murder and continue to be our number one suspect.

I just think the voice acting in this line in particular is very auditorily pleasant so I wanted to point it out :D

But Episode 15 actually has a much more insidious Vero moment, which I felt was way more noteworthy. After Ace admits to the crime, he goes on his whole speech, which includes directly calling out Veronika's words as part of the reasoning why he killed, there comes a point when Ace calls himself a "piece of shit", and no one denies it. When that happens, Veronika smiles.

Veronika: Oh my. How tragic.

She is such an awful person, just such a piece of garbage. I adore her.

Anyways, my appreciation of actually horrible women aside, we need to discuss the biggest question she leaves us. And that is "hey, why is her reaction to Ace's execution and Levi's almost death so different from her reaction to Min's death?"

Veronika [about Min, 1-12]: Min died in such a cruel manner...

Veronika [about Levi, 2-16]: If Levi dies because of this... Kehehe... I'm sure I'll miss him, but... This is quite a way to go. I can't say I wasn't entertained.

Veronika [about Ace, 2-16]: Aha... Ahaha... How incredible...

So, after considering it for a little bit, I think we're lacking a little bit too much critical information on Veronika to confidently state why the hell her reaction is so different, but I can come up with a few different possible answers. I'll list them in ascending order of likeliness in my opinion, and we'll see just how wrong I am once we get more insight on her!

+Veronika cares more about Levi than Ace, and more about Min than Levi. This is because she just said Ace's execution was "incredible," while she mentions she'll miss Levi, and obviously looks genuinely distressed over Min. I see no actual reason to believe this, though, because I... don't think Vero and Min ever even interacted beyond the trial? So unless we're pulling some very strange Veromin agenda out of nowhere (or Veronika is Mai Akasaki), this doesn't work imo.

+Veronika was acting in T1, but doesn't care by the start of T2. Possible, and it's true that Vero was more self-conscious about freaking people out in CH1, but I'm not sure if there's enough evidence to truly say she was only pretending to be distressed by Min's death.

+Veronika's reactions are based on the executions (and execution attempt) themselves, not anything else. This is consistent with her specifically reacting to the way Min died ("Min died in such a cruel manner") rather than the death itself. She specifically says she'd be entertained by Levi's death, and is clearly entertained by Ace's. So, I guess she just finds Min's execution particularly cruel/boring? Does she... have wolf related trauma? Test related trauma? I don't know, but I think this fits decently well, so.

+Veronika's slowly getting worse. A logical conclusion from the fact that she reacted one way in T1, and another literally four days later. Certainly possible given her analysis of people shattering in the killing game, so for now this is the interpretation I'm going with.

Whit Young

.... Sigh. You're not even that important to this part, how are you still gonna require so many words of analysis?

Alright, let's start with the pretty infamous scene where he talks about drop hanging. I do want to make one thing clear; just because Whit talks for a pretty long time about drop hanging, it doesn’t mean he actually says anything particularly groundbreaking. Like, everything he says is very logically sound, which means they’re conclusions anyone could have drawn.

Like me. Because even though I don’t think I wrote them down explicitly, I did more or less arrive at the same conclusions as he did, and I don’t have any experience with drop hanging. I’m clarifying this because I’m on enough lists as it is just by firefoxing shit like “can turpentine knock you out” and “how long do people pass out after being strangled” I do not need any more allegations on my person!

That said, I am also not a fictional character who exists within a story which follows narrative conventions (as far as you know, anyways). Whit is. And it’d be silly to instantly dismiss that the dev specifically chose Whit, a character who is otherwise not the most helpful in trials, to be the one to deliver this explanation, and without any interruptions no less. Even Teruko and Charles usually have one character or another finishing their explanations, like Levi when Teruko explained the slingshot or… Levi when Charles talked about jockeying. Huh, Levi kinda goated?

Thus, because the dev specifically chose Whit to give this explanation with no interruptions, we can infer that he may have a special connection to drop hanging. Given what we know, I find it likeliest that his mother committed suicide by hanging. At present, I don’t find much evidence that he would have attempted himself, though…

You know how Whit dyes his hair to look like his mom’s? And how Color Theory in LGI gives him (among other stuff) “degraded copy”, likely in reference to this? If his mother killed herself via hanging, do you think he would try to replicate that, too?

Food for thought. Again, not much reason to believe it yet.

Other than that, there are... the allegations. The part started strong with MonoTV stating it let slide a rule violation because it was funny (especially weird given what we learn in 2-16, but Whit's not the only rulebreaker in the cast so we're chilling). And then, 2-16 happened.

Whit [seven seconds before Teruko's execution, 2-16]: Charles, stop talking and cover your eyes! [...] Whit [post Levi shooting]: Ah, crap. The smell of blood is really strong. Even though I told [Charles] not to look, he still...

And, of course.

Whit: ...

Of course.

Alright, so let me start by the elephant in the room. The hand behind the back. The moment the cast learns the elevator doors won't open, we see Whit with his left hand behind his back. Many have assumed this means, understandably in my opinion, that he may be holding a remote control of some kind to close the elevator. In other words, Whit's the mastermind. But, while I consider him one of if not the best mastermind guess in the market, I don't think this is good evidence of it.

You see, there's no reason to believe such a remote would be required. By all accounts, it should be MonoTV's AI who is keeping the elevator closed with no need for outside interference, regardless of who the MM is. There is simply no reason to believe that any MM would have an "elevator manual stop" or even an universal remote (apart from J!MM for obvious reasons), because it should be MonoTV who is running this stuff.

As an aside, I will point out that, per the CH1 QnA, every character is right-handed apart from Teruko (lefty) and Arei (ambidextrous). You could use this to argue Whit shouldn't be doing anything with his left (the hand behind his back), but that's not good reasoning, as the sprite might just be drawn that way for aesthetic reasons and you're supposed to ignore handedness. Eden also used her left to rip out Xander's eye, apparently. I haven't seen anyone bring it up, but I have made this mistake before with a certain bat swinging Milgram prisoner, so I'm saying this to avoid others making the same mistake.

That clarified, however, the first point is still valid. Although I consider it perfectly possible, at present I do not believe Whit is holding anything behind his back.

Why does he pose like that, then? To answer that, perhaps it'd be better to answer what the deal with his other behavior is.

Because it's weird, right? Whit focuses on Charles even when everyone else, Charles included, are fretting over Teruko and Levi. And then, despite being able to brush off things like Levi's secret confession and Min's execution with nothing but a "that's wack," joking about rewatching said execution, etc., somehow the elevator being closed is what finally gets him to bring out the breakdown sprite?

Well, yes. And this shouldn't be all that surprising, imo. Because everything about Whit's reaction is perfectly in line with his previous behavior. Not to say it isn't weird (it is), just that it's weird in the way Whit's always been weird, and not in any new special way.

This is because every part of this reaction comes from the already established way Whit deals with tragedy; he avoids it, and moves on. You'll immediately think of Whit's mom when I say that, the way he omits her death whenever he speaks of her to the point he genuinely forgets that's a thing until a few seconds after the secret Rose received was brought into the conversation, but there's more examples that are actually closer to this situation. In particular, I want to direct your attention to the investigations in both chapters so far.

For the first trial, Whit spends literal hours hanging out with Charles while the Chemist has a breakdown, to the point he almost didn't investigate at all. This is excusable, of course; he was helping someone in need, and the culprit was thought to be obvious enough that investigation wouldn't be necessary.

The second, though, is perhaps a bit stranger. First, Whit doesn't look closely at Arei's body because he was busy comforting Eden, apparently. Alright, fine. But, hey, how did he try to comfort Eden after everyone started to filter in?

Whit [2-8]: There, there. Pat pat. Do you want to sit down somewhere else?

He immediately wants to leave the room. But, he's still trying to help Eden; maybe he's projecting? Because he'd want to leave the room if a loved one died, so he's asking Eden if she wants to do it?

Except, he does leave the room. He doesn't have any other lines in the playground past this point, and then he starts investigating with Charles, the one dude he knows won't enter the scene of the crime.

And you know when he splits off from Charles?

Whit [2-8]: If you're worried about Rose tampering with evidence, then all you need is another witness to watch over her, right? I can do that, since I'm here. I mean, unless Charles needs me for something.

My guy will genuinely do anything except investigate the playground.

And that's where the pattern starts to be noticeable. Whenever something bad happens, Whit finds any excuse he can to distance himself from the situation. And to be clear, they're usually good excuses; it makes sense for Whit to do all this in a vacuum, it's just odd that he constantly finds them. Other examples include him bringing up alibis when the note first comes up, and then, when he's pressed about it:

Whit [2-9]: Eden has [the note]. Ask her.

He doesn't even... want to have the responsibility of the note? Admittedly that could be for other reasons, but still.

With this pattern of avoidance in mind, the things he says in 2-16 are perfectly explainable. Instead of focusing on Teruko's incoming execution or Levi's injuries, he chooses to focus on Charles, because that's easier for him. He's once again finding an excuse to look away from tragedy.

By the way, I don't want to make it sound like Whit doesn't care about Charles as anything but an excuse to get out of thinking of bad stuff. It's pretty clear a big part of why Whit does the shit he does is that he genuinely cares about Charles as a friend (crush?). Whit probably does want to help Charles just for the sake of helping him, but it does come with the benefit of helping Whit avoid stuff he doesn't want to think about.

This whole avoidance thing is also why Whit is so perturbed by the elevator. When Levi gets shot, Whit probably hopes that they get to leave the trial room quickly to take care of him, at which point Whit can just avoid the situation entirely by just sticking to Charles like usual. But they can't. The elevator is shut. Not only does Whit probably realize that means they have to watch the execution, but it also means Whit is not able to get out of the room where a guy is actively dying, and sticking to Charles only lets him ignore the situation so much.

Why does he have his hand behind his back? Well, this is gonna sound like I'm on anti-Whit!MM copium (I swear I like the theory well enough), but I think he's simply balling up his fist out of stress. It's just that Whit "I don't want to talk about any problems ever and don't want anyone to ever know when I'm suffering" Young is instinctively hiding it so no one sees any sign that he might not be okay.

Does that make sense? Barely? Well, it's not like "emergency elevator shutdown button" is particularly more believable in my eyes, so that's the answer I'm going with for now.

Anyways. Jesus Christ Whit you're barely even relevant to this part how the fuck did you still force me to write so much about you.

Arturo Giles

I have less to write about Arturo than Vero and Whit because he's a bit more straightforward, but I'm still putting him here because he was more directly important this part. Speaking of, what notable things did Arturo do these episodes? Ah, right.

Arturo [2-12]: You shut your whore mouth!

"I thought you were only doing necessary imag-" This one's necessary shut

I'm using this to talk about the big speech about his talent, that he started studying plastic surgery when he was 12 and that it's impressive he's a plastic surgeon this early in his life. Props to dev for addressing this, I know some people are irked when characters are in the medical field from way too early in life without good justification like this. The fact he started so young also adds to the theory that Arturo's home life sucked, because it'd be really odd for a 12 year old to already be planning to leave otherwise.

The way the cast keeps insulting his skill, even though as he's said several times over the course of the series, the shit they expect him to do is way beyond his area of expertise, is a good way to build up to the way the cast also dismisses Ace's intelligence and skills later.

Other than that, there was one more moment when Arturo took part of the spotlight. When Levi gets shot, despite everything that happened earlier, everyone still turns to Arturo to save the Stylist. This leads to one of the most human moments Arturo's given us since 2-10:

Arturo [post Levi shooting, 2-16]: I--! I'm not that kind of surgeon! I've told you, over and over, I have no experience with saving lives! Something like this! There's no way I can do it--

Apart from the stellar voice acting that cannot be pointed out enough times, Arturo's doubt over Levi's condition is certainly a good setup for CH3, I'm really interested in how he'll handle this. Especially because...

Do you think he'd think of Felicity, looking at Levi like that? Because just like Arturo ignored Felicity's feelings (to an extent) in pursuit of his dream, he also neglected to study the more standard medical knowledge in favor of becoming a plastic surgeon faster, and now he needs that standard medical knowledge to save Levi's life. Food for thought.

Arturo is definitely an interesting character to watch out for moving forward, he's certainly in for a very curious CH3. Final note:

Arturo [to Levi, 2-13]: How could you simply *forget* that you murdered your own family member?

Get it because the death of Felicity haunts him even though he didn't kill her himself- Man I love recap foils.

MonoTV

I cannot fucking believe that this hunk of metal is getting its own section, but it is. 2-16 what an episode you are.

Thankfully, I've already expressed most of my thoughts about this damn thing in this linked post, so I'll just refer you to that one instead of writing it all again. As a summary, there's quite a few lore implications to the fact that we now have a clearly stated purpose for MonoTV, a goal for the killing game, a connection to XF-Ture Tech (because MonoTV seems to have been specifically created for the game), and I'm really wondering why the hell the default XF personality seems to care so much about Teruko and where that could lead to in the future. Also, very curious where the theme of fate will be taken with it, as well as where dev is planning to take the fact that it seems to have feelings of grief and pain and maybe even cares about Teruko??? Or has compassion in general??? What is wrong with this dog-

Rose Lacroix

Btw I greatly appreciate everyone who colors her name rainbow, I see you and you're valid for it. I need to color code my highlighting though, and if I have to do rainbow for every word I highlight I will actually die. Also I would need to put in an epilepsy warning in my posts lol

Rose got a few nice lines, but when it comes to her, there's one big moment that's really on everyone's mind.

Rose [2-14]: Has it really gotten this bad? I think my brain is falling apart. I can't even recall what day it was when that happened. Levi: You can't remember? I was under the impression that your memory was the best out of everyone here. Rose: It's true that I remember everything I see. But that means that most of my memories are meaningless junk. The kind of thing a normal person would forget without a second thought. But I can't forget. My brain won't work the way I want it to. I can't draw associations so easily. Everything reminds me of something meaningless, and I get distracted. And the worst thing is that I remember it all in perfect detail. Xander's body. Min's execution. I can't even look at Teruko without seeing blood. I know I'm supposed to remember everything. I know I'm supposed to be smart. I know I'm supposed to be helpful. Yet I'm not. I... I'm sorry for being useless. Maybe if I tried harder, if I just got over myself--

Do I... need to talk about this, beyond pointing out how good the VAing is? Everything about it is heartbreaking, but pretty straightforward. It's an extension of the conversation she and Teruko had in 2-5, where we also throw in Rose's growing self-doubt and self-blame over everything that's going on around her. It adds into the theme of this cast pushing expectations on each other (like wanting Arturo to be a better doctor or Ace being too stupid to do a murder), throws in some parallels to Teruko and Hu and Eden (the self-blame sisters!!! *fire emoji* *fire emoji* *fire emoji*) and Xander (the survivor's guilt boy!!! *fire emoji* *fire emoji* fire emoji*), foils with J (J who rejects what others like Mariabella want from her VS Rose who internalizes the expectations and accepts the whole Spurling situation), there's the "a normal person would forget" wording that kinda connects her to Nico and Levi and David (the "feeling separated from other humans' experience" siblings!!! *fire emoji* *fire emoji* *fire-), obviously memory is connected with Charles and Teruko, etc.

You see why I don't always talk about parallels? I have to bring up every single character up every time because that's the shit that happens when your writing is this *fire emoji* *fire emoji* *fire emoji*.

The other thing is Nico, but maybe it's better to keep that for their section. Overall, just a fantastic feast for enjoyers of Rose angst.

Arei Nageishi

You know this trial went crazy when Arei got a whole ass character arc during it, and she's the dead one.

For this part in particular, the big Arei moment was obviously during 2-13, when we finally got to hear the end of the conversation between her and David. I'm not transcribing it, because I'm sure we all got the gist. Arei figured out one of the main themes of the chapter, that everyone is a flawed person, and that means that no one's ever too far gone. There's always a possibility of becoming a less shitty person, and that's sweet.

But beyond Themes, learning what Arei's mindset about good and bad people was really helps to understand her actions before this point, though I do find it interesting that the whole "sorting people into good and bad" mentality she had is actually pretty similar to the way she talks about people in her FTE, which is some fun consistency!

Arei [CH1 FTE]: Yup, that's right! I organize everyone I meet into categories of how I should bully them.

... Well the context's different but you get the idea.

Arei used this principle of "sorting" people into "good" and "bad" to deny herself the possibility of getting better, because trying to change is scary. Man I wonder why that rings a bell.

Teruko [to Whit, 2-2]: But if you start talking about me and saying that I could be a good person if only I make an attempt to change, then I'm going to stop you right there. Don't say that I could be a good person, because all it'll do is make me feel bad that I'm not.

Ah right because Teruko's a well written protagonist. And actually wait, isn't there someone else?

David [2-11]: "People can always change?" What complete bullshit. No one ever changes. People who are born lazy, useless and stupid will stay that way until they die. If you were able to "improve" yourself into a better person, then it only means you were a better person to begin with.

Ah right because David is a well written character. Carry on then.

I do wonder why she waited until night three after the motive handout to talk to David about it, though, instead of doing directly after the playground breakdown. Was it, like, she didn't want to confront it directly after and only got the motivation/courage/whatever after talking to Eden? And then couldn't find David until then? It's odd, but I imagine there's no, like, big reason behind it necessarily.

Eden Tobisa

Hey Eden sorry I suspected you as the killer for a year can we still be friends? :,)

There's two big Eden moments to take into consideration, one in 2-14, one in 2-16.

Eden [2-14]: Why... No one... believes in me... Why? I'm... Arei's killer? No... No way....... Hu: Eden? Please don't cry. Eden: This whole time I've been trying to hold myself together... because Arei died...... I wanted so badly for this all to be a dream, and for Arei to be alive and by my side.... But now, you all think I killer her? Why? I cared about her! Arei is... She could have been my friend! Why would I kill her?? Levi: Eden, please calm down... Eden: Why am I being accused of murdering Arei? I wanted to help her! I just wanted to be friends with her! Why would you say that I killed her? Is it because you think I hated her? That's not true! I didn't hate her! Teruko: Eden.

I'm gonna cut it off there and resume in a bit, partly so I can organize this better and partly to make absolutely sure I don't hit the Tumblr limit on characters in a single text block (because my entire blog is evidently dedicated to testing this hellsite's limits lmao).

There's honestly a surprising amount of nuance in this small breakdown. We start with re-establishing that Eden is someone who constantly tries her hardest to remain strong in the face of adversity, holding herself together as best she can when her newest friend just died and she's more or less blaming herself for it.

Then, while I always praise the voice acting (because it deserves it), I need to bring special attention to the sheer amount of emotion in that "Why? I cared about her!" Hearing Eden genuinely frustrated at the accusations on top of her sadness is heartbreaking, and just a wonderful display of humanity from a character who is at times almost inhumanly patient. Makes me feel bad for suspecting her, and she's fictional in our world!

On top of that, "she could have been my friend" is an interesting choice of words regarding Arei. This is where having hyper-analyzed all Eden lines comes in handy lol. Because taken at face value, it means that Eden recognizes that her relationship with Arei wasn't at a stage where she could genuinely called her a friend, given that as far as we know the last conversation they had was after the Arturo thing. Nice depth!

The rest is pretty standard, though again the phenomenal VAing still makes my heart ache. Continuing:

Eden: Teruko... I didn't kill Arei..... Do you believe me?! Teruko: Listen-- Eden: *sniff* I, I didn't do it! Please.... Believe me... This whole trial has been cruel to me.... Help me, Teruko... I can't stand it... I just wanted to help Arei.... I didn't kill her... Teruko: You know I can't just take your words at face value, Eden. Eden: Please, Teruko... You're my friend, aren't you? Friends help each other... So please, help me... I promise I didn't... I didn't kill her.... I'm innocent... Please trust me..... Please.....

AAAAAAAAAAA-

Okay with that basic reaction out of the way, because evidently the reactions didn't have enough "text screaming" for me to fully get it out of my system, this is just a really heart-wrenching scene. Just the combination of VAing, music and visuals, man... ouch. It's especially tragic when taking the following line into account:

Eden [2-3]: Teruko, relationships aren't transactional. It's not that I did something good for you that you should do something good for me.

The Eden hyperfocus comes in clutch again- Is it weird that being an Eden!Culprit believer for so long is making me appreciate her character more now that she's confirmed innocent? :v

Teruko has, up to this point, never outright claimed herself to be Eden's friend, at least not as far as I can recall. Hell, her lines following Eden's plea for help seem to completely disregard the idea.

Teruko [2-14]: So for now, I'm going to assume you're innocent. Eden: W-What? Really? Thank you so much, Teruko... Teruko: Don't... get me wrong. This isn't out of kindness or pity or anything else. This is only because you helped me in the last trial. I'm repaying your favor, and nothing else. That's why I'll trust you, just this once.

How much she means that is for the Teruko section. What's important is that this means that when Eden says "you're my friend, aren't you?", she is actively going against her claim that relationships aren't transactional. She expects Teruko to consider herself Eden's friend because Eden has done a lot of stuff to try to make that friendship work.

This. Is. Wonderful. Don't you love it when characters fail to uphold their beliefs when faced with a horribly stressful situation? Well, I love suffering, so I sure do! :D

To be clear, I'm not trying to paint Eden as a hypocrite or anything. She's right in saying that relationships aren't transactional, and is justified in asking Teruko to help her because she considers Teruko her friend, even if it's a slight contradiction. After all, what are humans if not a swirling well of contradictions, desperately arranging themselves like the magnetic moments of a metal to try to make the slightest bit of sense of a reality they hopelessly seek to understand-

Ehem. The point is I like Eden a lot :D

Speaking of wonderfully human moments, time to switch to the other big Eden character moment!

Eden [2-16]: This... This all could have been prevented, couldn't it? [...] Of course I know [we can't blame ourselves for Ace's murder]. Ace planned to kill Arei, and even before that, he was planning to kill me. Rose: Then how can you forgive him? Eden: I never said I forgave him. It's just that... The Ace that I met for the first time wasn't a murderer. I... I can't forgive him. He killed Arei, after all. She was innocent, and he killed her for unfair reasons. But... Those unfair reasons were unfair to him as well.

You know, we joke about how awesome it is that the entirety of the DRDT cast is mentally unstable (because it is), but it's also cool to see the one actually more or less functional member of society in the group being the voice of reason like this. Not to spoil anything, but I find her stance regarding Ace's murder as the most reasonable stance one could have, and it's always cool to see a character who has reasonable opinions every now and then. But having such an opinion is easy when you're outside the show and the characters are all pixels on a screen; the fact that Eden can still find it in herself to be charitable towards Ace's situation while not outright forgiving him for his actions is a really powerful statement about her strength and sense of morality. Eden could not stop catching Ws this part.

Anyways, here's a few more fun Eden moments this part gave us.

Eden [2-15]: Wait, but... Is Ace even capable of doing a feat of strength like that? He's injured, after all.

I just think it's sweet Eden tries to defend Ace even when she's the other prime suspect :)

Levi [2-13]: And if tomorrow it turned out you all had passed away, I'd care as much as if we had never met. Eden: But you're a good person. Why are you saying these things when it's clearly not true? You're so kind to everyone. You're always helping others out, even when it'd be easier not to. Like that time Ace almost died. You kept trying to help him, even if he always pushed you away. Isn't that what "a good person" does?

For all the Eden Ws, she had to take an Eden L. Come on, Eden, Levi doesn't need to actually care to be a good person, he just needs to do good things, you know this :(

It makes sense character-wise, though. Eden has a surprisingly strong belief system, which is heavily shaped by her emotional nature, so it makes sense that Levi's Deal of doing good things with no emotional attachment to them would throw her off.

Still cool of her to accept Levi as a good person even though she just learnt he killed four people, however. It's good characterization; despite her misunderstanding with the lack of empathy thing, she still chooses to judge Levi based on the things she's personally observed, as opposed to making assumptions over things she only has half the story for.

Man, she's just so mature and cool and awesome and not fucked up in any way! Now that the tape thing's been resolved, I can't think of a single thing that would make anyone think that she might be a little-

Ah. Right.

Well, as a first reaction, this is definitely an Eden W in the oh so prevalent... DRDT powerscaling scene? She apparently managed to slash at Xander's eye, twice, with a fork. And with her non-dominant hand no less!

So... what the hell am I even supposed to do with this? Unfortunately, we're currently missing gigantic amounts of critical information regarding this situation, meaning I can't for the life of me come to any conclusions, at least not confidently. I tried to look at the pre-prologue dialogue to see if I could find anything, but...

Ouch... I really wasn't expecting her to attack me like that. I made a massive mistake to trust them. I can't rely on anyone. All by myself... I have to end the killing game. And even if I can't do that... I have to kill Teruko Tawaki. No matter what.

Fuck am I supposed to gather from this.

Uh... someone told Xander that Eden would be down with whatever plan Xander had to end the killing game if he just showed her whatever documents we're seeing in the Bloody Hands scene??? And she got too scared and just stabbed him with a fork??? Who is the "them" who told Xander this, a group of people, or a single person and Xander's playing the pronoun game? Or was it Nico???

Nico [1-9]: Are you really using unclear pronouns for dramatic effect? That's such a cliche.

Fuck it, locking in Nico as the one who told Xander to talk to Eden, just because that's the funniest possible reason Xander could have used "they" there. I doubt it's true, but it's gonna feed my God complex if I get it right, so-

Yeah, in case it isn't obvious, I have very little idea what this scene could even be about. Very excited to see where this could go :D

Nico Hakobyan

Nico stole the show for practically half of 2-14, so it's natural we should start at the main event.

First, the soft confirmation that Nico really did attack Ace with a plan to get away with the murder and escape as the blackened, particularly framing Hu by using her wire. This... vaguely contradicts something they claimed earlier, so we gotta discuss the implications.

Veronika [to Nico, 2-9]: Is this what you were envisioning when you tried to kill Ace? That the trial would happen like this, but with Ace instead of Arei dead? Nico: I didn't... I never thought about it... I... I never should have... done that...

Were they just... lying here? Did they mean something else?

My best guess to explain this apparent contradiction is that Nico thought about the trial in a more... impersonal sense? Like, when planning to kill Ace, they figured they should try to hide that so they didn't go down with him, but sort of... ignored that winning the trial would kill everyone else? It's hard to describe, but that's what I get from that line as well as:

Nico [2-14]: I tried to kill [Ace] because I don't like [him].

When they say they "never thought about the trial," they probably mean that they never thought about the full implications of it, even though they did plan for it. They knew in some level they were supposed to hide the murder if they did it, but things like escaping the killing game and actually getting everyone else killed didn't fully register. This thought process makes sense in my mind, I hope it makes sense in yours because I don't know how to describe it any better :v

Second.

Eden [2-14]: That's- That's so cruel! Nico, why? Aren't we all friends? If something was bothering you, you could have talked it out with someone else you trusted? Nico: ... Someone I trust? What are you talking about? I don't trust anyone here.

Fantastic bit of characterization here. Nico, despite being relatively civil to anyone they're not actively planning to kill, apparently trusts no one. However, I want to explore what exactly that means. Because it's not like Nico is paranoid they're gonna get killed per say:

Hu [2-12]: Nico does have an alibi. I was having breakfast and tea with them in their room early in the morning as well. Drop it, Ace.

I can think of few better opportunities to kill someone than being alone with them, in their room, at around 7:30 AM when it's still officially nighttime. Nico, at least, trusts that Hu won't kill them, though whether that's because they're confident they could survive anything she tries or because they genuinely trust she wouldn't try at all is up in the air.

Point is, Nico is distrustful, but not as paranoid as, say, Ace. Because of that, currently, I believe Nico's claim that they don't trust anyone is an extension of things they've said before; that they prefer animals because people are unpredictable. Really, Nico's lack of trust being interpreted as "not trusting people to react to their concerns properly" is very consistent with the way they've acted in the past, particularly their reaction to getting forced into revealing their secret, so we probably shouldn't be surprised.

Nico [2-6]: I thought you would laugh at me. I was worried you would pick up rocks and start throwing them at me or pick up clumps of mud and start throwing them at me.

Next point:

Nico [2-14]: You all are right. I tried to kill Ace and pin the murder on Hu. What else should I say? Ace: W-- "What else should I say"?? You tried to murder me. You fucking tried to murder me! And after all's said and done, you can't even say something as simple as "sorry"?! Nico: ... I tried to kill you because I don't like you. Even now, there's still no use to try and pretend that I like you. If I say "sorry," you're still going to hate me.

... Yeah.

Nico [2-2]: If you're having dinner and want someone to pass the salt, you can say, "Please pass the salt," or you can say, "Give me the salt." One of those things is supposed to be more polite than the other, right? But why? They both mean the same thing. They're just slightly different mixes of words. It's like that. I don't understand why some mixes of words come off as "rude," and some don't, even if they mean the same thing.

I don't even think I need to explain this further. I think it's pretty clear why Nico wouldn't apologize to Ace. Nico's just not to into social conventions.

Except:

Veronika [2-15]: What's wrong, Ace? You seem stressed. [Your neck injuries] are only wounds. What's the issue? Could it be that almost being murdered has traumatized you a little bit~? Ace: You think?! You think that almost being killed could have maybe given me a little trauma!? Nico: ... [Whispered voice clip: "I'm sorry"]

This one's... odd. Nico doesn't say it loud enough for Ace to hear, evidently, so it's just a genuine reaction to the harm they've caused. What could have triggered this change? Uh... maybe a little extra trauma dump will help? Let's pick up after where we left off in 2-14.

Rose [continued]: D-Do you even regret what you did to [Ace]? Do you regret what you were planning to do to everyone else? Nico: O-Of course I regret doing it! I'm not Levi, of course I feel bad about something like that. I'm not heartless! Levi: Heartless? Nico: That was the worst choice I've made in my life. I wish I had never done that. But looking back, I still understand why I did. I... I just can't stand being treated like that. My teachers, my classmates, my father... I don't ever want to relive what they did to me. It's because of those kinds of people that I can't be happy with who I am. That's why I hate Ace.

Okay cut off there. First, interesting to see Nico calling Levi heartless. I've seen it brought up that it makes sense for Nico, who struggles to relate to other people on a good day, to latch onto any defense of their "normalcy" they can, including "I'm not the weirdest person here" despite how hurtful that can be to say. That's some neurodivergent on neurodivergent hostility right there! Fun to see characters being flawed in new and unique ways /gen.

Apart from that, there's some nice reveals to Nico's backstory, which are always welcome. We already knew Nico was harassed because of their identity, but now we have names (as in, identity of aggressors); teachers, classmates, and Nico's father. That obviously comes with a question; was Nico raised by a single father, or did they have other relatives who were more accepting? For now, we got no clue.

But that final line is important, because I believe it's what explains Nico's whispered apology in 2-15.

Nico [already written]: It's because of those kinds of people that I can't be happy with who I am. That's why I hate Ace.

Nico's apology comes after Ace explicitly mentions being traumatized over the murder attempt, in particular in regards to his neck wounds. This can be taken as Ace revealing he's not happy with a part of himself (scars) as a result of Nico's actions. When abstracted this way, the comparison to Nico's situation (unhappy with a part of themselves (gender identity) as a result of others' actions) is much clearer. Nico apologizes for accidentally causing Ace a comparable trauma to their own. Which... I think makes sense from their point of view? People apologize when they do something hurtful they didn't mean to; Nico meant to murder Ace, so no apology for that, but they didn't mean the trauma, so they say sorry for it. Not that Ace heard it, but you know.

... That's a weird ass thought process, but I think it makes just enough sense to explain the apology. Let's finish the 2-14 scene.

Nico [continued]: Even so... I'm not a child. I know that murder is wrong. I'm not the victim here. I know that it was dumb to resort to murder. I don't even know what I thought I would have accomplished back then. I mean, I started regretting it as soon as Eden and Teruko saw me. I don't expect you to forgive me. Very few people ever do. So I don't see the point in acting sorry. ... That's the entire truth of my murder attempt. I don't have anything else to say.

So... "I don't even know what I thought I would have accomplished back then" seems to corroborate what I said earlier about Nico not truly grasping the full implications of a trial while they planned the murder, which is nice.

Nico's attitude over this ("I'm not the victim here") is nice to see, and makes me very interested in where their arc is going to go from here. Especially since Nico maturely accepting the blame is already causing friction between them and Hu (even if Hu doesn't seem to notice), and will likely continue to do so in the future.

Hu [2-14]: You all are too cruel! None of you understand how much stress Nico was under! And yet you continue to insist on bringing this up. Can't you see that you're traumatizing them? Nico: Hu, I-- Hu: Don't worry, Nico, I'm on your side. I'll always defend you. I can be reliable for you. You trust me, right? Nico: ... I never asked you to defend me--

... We're gonna have to talk about this in the Hu section.

Finally, "I don't expect you to forgive me. Very few people ever do."

Nico, what the hell does this mean? What have you done in the past that requires so much forgiving? What in the [DR2 CH3 killer]-?

Unfortunately, this is one of those "we're missing critical information" situations when we can't even begin to speculate what, if anything, this is supposed to mean. We'll move on and patiently yet eagerly await elaboration.

There's one more big thing to bring up in respects to Nico, and that's... Rose. For who knows what reason, Nico never gives an explicit answer to whether they actually were interested in learning to paint or not.

Rose [2-14]: Did [Nico] even want to learn to paint? Or to be my friend at all? Or were they only using me as a tool for murder? Nico: ...

Regardless of what the answer is, that's kinda weird. I'm leaning "no, they didn't want to learn to paint," because it sure would be a hell of a coincidence that they just happened to gain an interest in painting just when they're planning a murder that happens to require a painting supply.

That said, Nico does still seem to somewhat care about Rose, and probably would like to be her friend. At least enough to eventually apologize to her out loud.

Rose [2-16]: [Ace]'s right. Only Nico took [the turpentine] from me, and I really doubt they gave it to Ace afterwards. Hu: You're always attacking Nico like this! Nico: It's the truth, though. And Rose is right. I kept it. I still have the turpentine in my room. I'm sorry.

And it's not like anything this chapter erased the FTE:

Nico [FTE]: I was going to thank [Rose] for hanging out with me. I really enjoyed her presence.

So, while I can't know for sure, I hope Nicorose can make a comeback, at least in time for Nico to die so dev can inflict extra psychological pain on Rose! :D

Final highlight:

Nico [to Levi, 2-13]: If you said you killed [your father] because you just didn't like him, I could understand that. But you're saying you forgot about taking a life...

Apart from Nico obviously projecting their own murder motives on other people, do we think Nico ever considered killing their own father? I doubt they actually did, else that would probably be their motive secret (provided it's not a Veronika situation where their secret isn't the worst thing they've done), but I could see them considering it given how they talked about him and Ace in the same breath, and... yeah Nico sure did want to kill Ace alright.

Hu Jing

Hu was quite fascinating this part, wasn't she? For someone that actually ended up having zero relation to the murder, she sure had a lot of important character scenes. Let's start with the confirmation of a particular theory that really helps understand her character better.

Hu [2-13]: I've been quite selfish this whole time, keeping my secret because I didn't want you all to think less of me. Most of all, I wanted to lie to myself and pretend that I had no ties to the person that I used to be. I wanted to believe that the past never happened. But that's just self-centered. I've always been a selfish person, haven't I? I should put those feelings aside and do what is right. No, I should have done this from the start. I will share my secret as long as you all promise to immediately move on. I have Veronika's secret, and she has mine.

Well that's just sad.

I don't think I particularly need to analyze this, it's all pretty explicit. Hu wants to be relied on because she feels useless if she doesn't provide guidance:

Hu [2-11]: I have to be the one to give everyone guidance. That's the only thing I can do. If no one relies on me, then I won't be useful anymore.

And if it comes out that she's attempted suicide, then in her eyes, that makes her less reliable.

(Obvious disclaimer is obvious, the character's views don't reflect my own, there's no shame in having attempted suicide or needing help to keep fighting it, etc.)

As a result, she dislikes the memory of that "hopeless child" who attempted three times, and wishes to avoid talking about it if possible. Metamorphosis (butterfly) and rebirth (water by her name being "still lake") symbolism pulling through.

Also, while there's many reasons someone could attempt suicide, that little "I've always been a selfish person, haven't I?", especially combined with other statements she's made in the past, heavily implies her attempts were a result of self-loathing :( . Thus why she so desperately seeks value in herself by helping others, which is sorta crumbling as everyone she put her faith on (David, Nico especially) starts to reveal themselves as not-that-great-people.

Hence why I'm worried we might see a fourth attempt in the killing game. Her secret quote seems to go against the idea, which combined with some of her statements in the series proper make me doubt it, but y'know... The precedent's there.

Anyways, I'm bringing this up first because, again, it helps understand her other actions this chapter.

Hu [to David, 2-12]: Unacceptable! What on earth [sic] is your problem? I have had it up to here with you! Because this killing game requires us to live, you think you should just reject that notion and kill us all? You lied to me, manipulated everyone, and tried to make us all commit mass suicide! You really are the lowest of human beings. You have no right to decide whether I, whether any of us, live or die, all because *you* feel like you have no chance! If you're so bent on dying here, then die! But don't you dare try and make everyone else die with you. If we decide to continue living, then we will. It is not and never will be your decision as to what happens with our lives. David: ... Rose: Wow. Hu can be scary. Hu: ... I'm sorry to everyone else. But I've lost my patience. I won't apologize to David.

(Obligatory props to VAing ofc)

I mean, yeah, it makes sense for someone who used to be suicidal to be mad at David's bullshit. Especially considering that, in regards to "you lied to me, manipulated everyone here," the line I mentioned before about providing guidance continues like this:

Hu [to David, continued from before, 2-11]: I have to be the one to give everyone guidance. That's the only thing I can do. If no one relies on me, then I won't be useful anymore. You knew how I felt, and yet you... You... You toyed with my heart! All that time you acted like you were encouraging us to reveal our secrets to "prevent conflict." That was all a lie!

Assuming the whole "You toyed with my heart!" thing isn't referring to a conversation we don't have information on (which, to be clear, is 100% possible), it's possible that at this point in the trial Hu felt bad for going along with David's plan, especially since she might have believed it directly led to Arei's death. I think it's worth noting that she's one of the two first person to speak after Ace confesses, and she asks if he did it because of the motive.

Ace [2-15]: I killed Arei. That's exactly right. Shit, it sounds really bad when I say it out loud. Eden: Why? Why did you kill her? Why would you do such a horrible thing? Hu: Did you kill Arei because of MonoTV's motive? Because you wanted to keep your "secret" hidden--

Which could be read as her trying to confirm whether or not going along with David's plan was a good or bad idea, maybe?

Admittedly, "going along with David's plan" in her case literally just means "she told David, Nico and Teruko that people used to call her Julia," which you could argue is too small for her to genuinely feel like she contributed, but keep in mind the "you toyed with my heart" line is directly before a line referencing the "reveal the secrets" plan. At the very least, she didn't go against it, not in a significant way anyways.

If I'm right to be reading these lines the way I'm reading them (which, again to be clear, might be wrong), then David purposefully used Hu's desire to help and be relied on to get her to agree with his plan, or at least not go against it, or at least Hu feels he did. Whether he intentionally targeted her, or if his methods to convince the others to convince the cast of revealing their secrets just happened to strike a cord (zither pun not intended) with Hu, is still unclear, but both are possible.

So she's already incredibly pissed at him for that, then he says he wants everyone dead, yeah my girl's got the right to go off.

Though, speaking of Hu blaming herself for what happened to an extent:

Hu [2-16]: Arei wasn't killed because of an accident. Bad luck or not, Ace had made up his mind to go through with this murder! So we can't possibly blame ourselves for failing to prevent something like that.

This is after Ace confirms that the motive and David's BS had nothing to do with the murder, so Hu can fully deny blame for what happened. Which is relatively fair, it's not like being mean to someone makes you guilty if they then choose to kill someone, but it's also presumably really important for her mental stability.

Did any of that make absolutely any sense? Maybe. Hopefully.

And that's just all the Hu-only stuff. Because a big part of her character this chapter was defending Nico far beyond what anyone could possibly see as reasonable. I'll bring back the example I gave before, because I think it's by far the most extreme.

Nico [2-14]: Someone I trust? What are you talking about? I don't trust anyone here. Hu: Stop! Just stop it! You all are too cruel! None of you understand how much stress Nico was under! And yet you continue to insist on bringing this up. Can't you see that you're traumatizing them? Nico: Hu, I-- Hu: Don't worry, Nico, I'm on your side. I'll always defend you. I can be reliable for you. You trust me, right? Nico: ... I never asked you to defend me--

Like, this goes beyond unreasonable. Nico literally says they don't trust anyone in the killing game, but Hu still thinks they trust her for... some reason. And even though Nico says they never asked her to defend them, Hu continues doing it past this point.

The thing is, though... why? Like, I get the basics here, it's what we talked about earlier. Hu only finds worth in herself by being reliable, and she sees Nico as someone who needs her reliability, so she tries to defend them no matter what. Hell, she even specifically says "I can be reliable for you" in the quote.

But... is there a reason she's so adamant towards them in particular? She doesn't get like this when Eden starts being accused, even though they have a good relationship with each other. Apart from reciting Rule 10 when it first comes up, once that gets thrown into question, the only thing Hu says when Levi and Arturo talk about Eden possibly being the killer is:

Hu [2-14]: Eden? Please don't cry.

She never pushes back against David's claim that he saw the corpse, even though that would practically exonerate Eden via BDA; that's Nico who does that. And Hu never claims Eden is being traumatized by being accused even though she clearly takes the accusations a lot worse than Nico was taking them in 2-14.

So, like, what the hell? Is there a deeper reason she's so defensive towards Nico and not Eden, or am I just going insane?

Well, at this point, if such a deeper reason exists, I have no clue what it could be. I could speculate about Nico reminding her of someone in the past, be it herself or someone else, or maybe Hu just sees Eden as less "in need" because she's generally more stable and happier than Nico, but really, I have no way of knowing.

The thing I can talk about in regards to the Hu-Nico thing is its parallels to Veronika-Arturo and Levi-Ace.

Veronika-Arturo is funny because, well.

Veronika [2-10]: Arturo, you're... You're so... Fascinating. You're really entertaining. So I'll take your side. I don't care about morals. I don't care about whether people get hurt or whether they die. I just need to be entertained. If you become more and more irredeemable, then I'll only love you more~ I want to hear all about those terrible things you did with no justification. Arturo: For someone who's taking my side, you sure are making me look a lot worse!

I really love how a big part of the Vero-Hu recap foil so far can be reduced to the "I can fix them" vs "I can make him worse" meme :p There are their secrets as well, but that analysis will have to wait for further elaboration on them, presumably in CH3.

Meanwhile, Levi-Ace... will have to wait for the Levi section, because this is already getting quite long for Hu, and it requires a bit more context on his character.

Miscellaneous highlights!

Hu [2-14]: Hang on! Eden isn't the killer! Don't accuse her! Charles: Not this again. You can't keep blindly defending the people you hope to be innocent if you don't have evidence, Hu.

Hu: I do have evidence! Why are you writing me off? All because I-- ... *sigh* Rule 10...

Damn she really gets defensive when you question her reliability huh?

Well, moving on. That was a pretty long section, hopefully the next one will be easier to write.

...

Oh. Oh no.

David Chiem

YOU

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Genuinely what is this motherfucker's problem? Everything he does seems to contradict something he did before, for reasons unknown. The only way I can even begin to try to analyze this son of a bitch is to go through everything he does in the series in chronological order, because trying to figure out his thought process in any other way would drive me in circles harder than anything in LGI ever did.

The first thing David truly does that informs us on his later actions is forming a genuine and positive relationship with Xander. In case the LGI MV didn't make it clear that David genuinely cared about the Rebel, we finally got near 100% confirmation of why exactly David liked him so much.

David [2-12]: You, and everyone else listening. I do so kindly request that pretty please stop talking about Xander at all if you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. It pisses me off to no end. After all, it's still unbelievable to me... ...That I'm the only person here who remembered him. Even if you all lost a year of memories for this killing game, there's no reason you shouldn't have recognized who he was.

While we unfortunately don't get much more clarification, it seems David knew what Xander did to earn the title of Ultimate Rebel, and likely admired him as a result. As per Xander's numeral I in LGI, "I have always looked up to you."

This admiration is presumably why David was so adamant in the first trial that there was no way Xander really tried to murder Teruko.

David [Debate Scrum, 1-8]: Are you saying that Xander is a killer? I find that difficult to believe.

You might argue that maybe he was just trying to throw the first trial, the same way he tried to throw the second. But that's not possible.

This is where we get to Weird Point #1. David didn't want to lose the first trial.

Nico [1-11]: Ah, right. Min was going from the laundry room to the kitchen. That path crosses the computer lab. She would have seen Teruko's body if the door was open. Min: ... Ace: And why exactly would the fucking door be open? Nico: U-Um... David: I suppose Min may have arrived near the computer lab's entrance just as Charles left. If she was curious, she would have even gone out of her way to see what was happening in there.

If David was trying to throw, he wouldn't be the first to explain how it would be possible for Min to be involved in the murder. And this is only one example, there's other lines where he specifically suspects Min. Apparently, he simply cannot handle a bad bitch winning (committing murder and trying to sacrifice 14 lives for her own benefit).

However, something in David shifts upon seeing Min's execution.

David [1-12]: I... I've seen enough. There's no point in keeping my hopes up anymore. We are all certainly going to die here.

This line is said pretty somberly.

Which is weird. Because not four days later, David will be trying to throw a class trial, which will kill everyone and him. Interesting detail about that, David doesn't seem to believe that the blackened will escape if they actually voted wrong, based on this line.

David [2-12]: 15 lives. Some of them are very dear to you. And your own life as well. Is there anything at all that could be more important to you than those 16 human lives?

Where he seems to imply a wrongful vote will cause 16 deaths.

But the thing is, it's not just the trial, is it? David also tried to instigate a murder through his "reveal all motive secrets" idea. That's what he does during the majority of CH2, starting in 2-4, just two days after Min's execution. Now, it's fully possible that at this point, he wasn't yet planning to throw the next trial, but rather, he was just doing this to hide his own secret. He certainly considers losing his "speaker persona" a genuine sacrifice, so it isn't unbelievable that he'd hope for a murder even if he was planning to win the trial if it happened.

David [2-12]: Even so... Lying about all that wasn't easy. Even I like to have good relations with others, however fake they might be. And I had to throw that all away. I know that no one will ever trust me, believe in me, or look up to me again after this. But doing "good" things requires sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice is being seen as "a good person." That's what I learned from Xander. Even if doing something will make you hated, if that action is for a greater good, then it's an action that you have to take.

(By the way, his views of goodness as martyrdom are quite interesting and I'm curious to see where it will go, but currently we don't have much more than this line for insight on it)

However, I don't quite think that he just wanted to keep the others' goodwill; I think he was already hoping to throw from the moment he started instigating the murder. And this is where we need to ask; what was it that made David switch up? What happened between the first trial and the second that made his goals change from surviving to... whatever he's cooking now? Because in case it wasn't clear from how I'm talking about it, I don't believe David gave the real reason for his throwing to the class. Let's look at the "confession."

David [2-12]: Ugh, fucking fine. You want an answer so badly? Any answer? ... I...

Ah... We're... in a television show, after all. That's... what MonoTV said, right? "Entertainment" is an ongoing show. If Min successfully got away with the very first murder and escaped while we all died, then isn't that way less interesting for a TV show? What's the point of roping 14 other people into one murder, only to kill them all off immediately? The killer is supposed to fail and be executed. We're all supposed to catch the killer, again and again, and participate in trial after trial. You're *supposed* to try to survive. All of you who are trying to solve these class trials to continue living on are playing straight into MonoTV's hands. [Confident] As if I'll accept that. I don't care how low I'll sink, or how despicable I'll have to become. I'll do anything to carry on Xander's ideals by ending this killing game, even if it means that I have to dirty my hands.

Although I wrote it all out, I want you to focus on the start: ".... - I... - Ah... We're... in a television show, after all." Even beyond the meta argument that it's unlikely we'd actually get the answer to why Xander wanted to win the class trial this early in the series (which is a valid argument, but I prefer to theorize without meta reasoning), that hesitation should tell you everything. The way it's written, it makes it seem like David is hesitating because he's making everything up on the spot, up to the "Ah..." potentially being the exact moment David figured out what angle he wanted to take. Given he's already admitted to both being manipulative and wanting to get everyone killed, this is the only reason I can see for why he'd hesitate to give such a relatively simple and "reasonable" (as in, it logically follows even if it's still insane) answer.

So, now we have two questions. What does he actually want to achieve by throwing, and why did he only start pursuing it after the first trial ended?

Well, let me say first that I don't think we're supposed to be able to answer these questions yet. Obviously; we're dealing with shit very closely connected to some pretty large, overarching mysteries of the series, which we probably won't get full answers for until much later than CH2. But we can try to speculate the general direction of what the answer will be. Let's look at another one of his lines to try to do just that.

David [2-13]: Achoo! Ah--Bless me! Also, excuse me! Wow, thank you for your support, everyone!

(I only included that line because it's fucking hilarious and I didn't want that to go unappreciated :p)

I have another interruption~ Hu: ... David: Teruko. Own up your [sic] goddamn secret already. You are the last person to do so. [...] Teruko: ... My family. David: ...

So, just like everyone who is somewhat deep in the DRDT theorizing community, I don't think this is true. I am pretty sure David has Teruko's secret, that secret being "How could I even select what secret to be your motive? Just about everything you've done in your life is worth killing for. The killing game is all your fault." There's many reasons beyond the weird ass David sprite pictured above, which many have already covered, but as a quick overview: the family secret ("you're constantly blaming yourself for the death of your parents and siblings. It doesn't matter that it's not your fault, just that you didn't go with them") fits Xander better (see: Bonus Episode 2, Xander's secret quote being the definition of survivor's guilt), the family secret mentions "siblings" plural when Teruko's only claimed to have one brother, we don't know what happened to Teruko's parents and brother when we know Xander's family is dead, Teruko didn't believe David when he said he got Xander's secret so she probably suspects the killing game one is hers, "this killing game is all your fault" is consistent with the second anniversary art code ("It's all your fault" in a picture which only features Teruko reaching out to presumably-Mai's hands, which disappear), etc.

So now we have four questions, because evidently I'm quite bad at this. Apart from the two mentioned before, we need to ask why David lied about the secret he received, and why he was happy when Teruko answered with the family thing.

But sometimes, one question can answer others. The reason I'm bringing this up is because I believe David's heel turn was likely motivated in some way by receiving Teruko's secret. Take a look at his immediate reaction when the secrets are first handed out.

Pretty frowny, huh? Yeah understandable given the secret he received is "hey the killing game is all the girl that Xander tried to kill's fault." Unfortunately this is the only reaction David has to any of the secrets, as the rest of his dialogue after this is just explaining J's secret. Well, and this:

Eden [2-1]: Then let's end the killing game before [the motive secret reveal]! Nico: Eh?! David: Optimistic as ever, Eden. I'll do my best.

Which is kinda funny in retrospect. Yeah, he sure did do his best to end the killing game before the secret reveals.

Tangent aside, the important thing is that David wasn't necessarily surprised by Teruko's secret, but rather, uh... Well it's hard to read him on expression alone. Frustrated, maybe? Possibly mad that Xander didn't succeed in killing her? It's also worth noting that this is shortly before Teruko goes into her whole "I don't plan on leaving" shtick, which includes the following tidbit (and yes David is in the room to hear this).

Teruko [2-1]: And I'd recommend that you drop that foolish optimism for making it out of here alive. With 100% confidence, I can say that... You will all die down here without ever seeing the outside world again. Ace: This bitch is totally out of her mind. Teruko: I'm not saying this out of ill-will. It's simply how this story works. You all have the misfortune of being "characters" in a story where I'm the "protagonist." Because of that, you're all doomed.

What's so important about this? Because I believe that, in David's mind, this proves Xander right. It proves that there is something off about Teruko, that he probably did have a good reason to attack her, that the note he received wasn't complete bullshit. If there is any single thing that would get David to follow Xander's footsteps, regardless of whether he has the full story or he's just doing what Xander was trying to do even without knowing the reasons the Rebel made the moves he made, it would be getting confirmation that the person he tried to kill specifically has something suspicious going on.

Especially because David does, in fact, seem to have a very weird fixation on Teruko.

David [2-14]: As long as there's a possibility that the evidence is false, as long as there's even the slightest reason to distrust others, then Teruko cannot trust Eden. Isn't that right, Teruko? Teruko: ... David: It's in your nature to distrust people. Everyone you know has already betrayed you. There's no one in this world who won't hurt you. Even the people you love will turn their backs on you in the end. You know that well enough, don't you? So distrust in others. Because that's the only way you know how to live. Teruko: ...

(Obligatory props to VAing ofc)

... Alright so it's five questions. Because how does he know all that?

Let me knock that one out quickly, though. Right now, I don't think this is solid enough reason to suspect that David knows more about Teruko than he's letting on. I could be wrong about that and David could just be aware of her entire backstory, but I currently don't believe that.

Instead, I think this might actually be an extension of his talent, in a way. The joke that he gave Teruko a "demotivational speech" is funny, but I also think it's actually on the right track. David knows the right things to say to someone to inspire them, to push back against their insecurities, as he did with Arei in the playground breakdown. Thus, it logically follows that if he's able to identify emotional weakness to push against it, he would also be able to exploit it.

Or, try, at least. He actually fails pretty spectacularly, since Teruko ends up trusting Eden anyways, and I don't think there were any reverse psychology 5D chess moves on David's part given his immediate reaction to Teruko's 2-14 speech to Eden.

Like, that's the face of a man who tried to be slick and failed miserably.

(And in case it isn't clear, I don't think his lie of seeing the body had anything to do with the trial, he did it just to fuck with Teruko)

In any case, what happened here is that he figured out the (relatively obvious, it doesn't take an Ultimate to see this) trust issues that plague Teruko, and is trying to make them worse in order to... uh... fill in the blank I guess. One option I've considered is that he knows something about how her luck works, that it hurts people she likes, so if she doesn't trust anyone then her luck's effects will be concentrated entirely on Teruko. However, that requires a pretty deep understanding of something he shouldn't have that much info on, so I don't find it that likely. Also I'm not 100% sure if this is how her luck actually works so there's that.

Yeah, unfortunately, at this point I struggle to see exactly what David's angle is here, which is probably intentional given, again, CH2. However, it does somewhat tie back into what we were talking about. Along with everything else I've mentioned, this fixation on Teruko's trust makes me believe that David's heel turn is at least partially motivated by receiving her secret.

And if we once again combine questions 3, 4 and 5, we can actually arrive at a new conclusion. We know David's hiding Teruko's secret, we know he's happy that she's not calling him out on it, and we know that he has a vested interest in getting her to distrust others. With all these combined, I believe that David is trying to look for a way to manipulate Teruko specifically as a backup plan if the cast managed to win the trial, which they did.

By getting her to distrust others, she'd isolate, making her an easier target for manipulation as she wouldn't have anyone to fall back on if David starts getting to her. And the secret is good blackmail, pretty straightforward why he he hasn't revealed it yet. That's also why he's happy she helped him keep it hidden; he can pull it as a card to make her seem less trustworthy and isolate her further. "She lied about her secret, she was trying to hide it." If she had been honest and said that neither the family nor the poison secret fit her and that someone lied about their secret, it would make her look comparatively better once the secret came out. In other words, it makes the blackmail even better, especially because now David knows for a fact that she wants to keep it hidden.

That brings up to question 6: why does David want to manipulate Teruko in the first place? And this is where we finally reach a dead end, because again, CH2, we're not gonna get all the answers yet. I have less than zero idea what David will try to manipulate Teruko into doing, when he will make his move, what his end goal is, or any other question you can imagine. I have my doubts that he'll succeed, obviously, but of course that depends a lot on what his final angle ends up being.

So, let's recap.

David knew of Xander before the killing game, admiring him because of his work as the Ultimate Rebel. As a result, David tried to establish a good relationship with Xander once the killing game started.

David originally rejected the idea of Xander attacking Teruko out of denial and nothing else. He had genuine faith his friend wouldn't do that. David wanted to catch the correct blackened in the first trial.

Upon receiving Teruko's secret and hearing her speech about everyone dying as a result of misfortune, David begins to believe Xander was in the right, and chooses to pursue what he thinks Xander was trying to accomplish. This includes trying to instigate a murder and admitting to killing Arei.

David lied about his motivation to throw the trial. I don't know if he's specifically trying to kill Teruko, or if he thinks everyone in the cast needs to die for some reason, or if he genuinely has no idea what Xander was trying to do and he's just following his actions blindly, or if it's something else entirely; whatever motivation he actually has, it's not what he said.

As a backup plan if the cast manages to win the trial, he hides Teruko's secret and plans to manipulate her via blackmail, for reasons yet unknown. This is why he's happy that she also keeps it hidden, and why he tries to build her distrust in others.

And that's the basics of what I believe regarding his actions... related to throwing the trial and Teruko. We still have one more David Moment TM to deal with.

David [about the Arei conversation, 2-13]: ... Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I didn't say anything to her, and she didn't have much to say to me either. Arei simply got annoyed with me and left without saying anything else. Nothing else happened between us, I promise. Eden: You promise? You absolutely promise, you didn't say anything to her? David: One hundred and one percent, I promise. Ace overheard everything, and what he told you all was the entire truth. Does that satisfy you? Eden: ... That's... a relief. That you didn't make her feel bad, I guess.

So, question 7, why does he hide the truth from Eden? I doubt he suddenly gained an interest in progressing the trial without further interruption. He's also not doing this for Eden's sake; what Eden wanted to hear was that Arei walked out of that conversation still hoping to change for the better, which she did. Hearing that Arei still wanted to "be less shitty together" even after knowing David's a manipulative asshole would have made Eden very happy.

But David doesn't want to hurt Eden, either. If he did, he'd lie and tell Eden that he said something that made Arei run out crying and having lost all hope, or something. I also can't really think of anyone else who would have much of a reaction either way, since as bad as it sounds to say it, Eden's more or less the only person who was genuinely invested in Arei's progress. Maybe "the blackened," but if David doesn't know who the blackened is, there's no way he'd know how they'd react, so it's likely not because of that.

So, if David doesn't hide the truth for the sake of the trial, and he doesn't lie because of Eden, and he doesn't lie because of anyone else, then he's lying for his own sake. I believe that David is trying to hide how much he genuinely cared about Arei, and probably doesn't trust himself to be able to tell the story without giving the game away.

And to be clear, he did genuinely care about Arei. If his immediate reaction to her death doesn't convince you, his breakdown after hearing the Arturo-Eden-Arei story should.

David [2-8]: Of course. Of course this would happen.

David [2-10]: If Eden and Arei really had that conversation, then it explains a lot. I had my doubts. A clearly suspicious note, asking her to meet alone and with no explanation as to why. During a *killing game* of all times. What kind of person would fall for such an obvious trap? You'd have to be shortsighted, naive, foolish, senseless, downright idiotic. ... Unless, of course, you were Arei. That girl wanted desperately to prove herself as a "friend" to Eden. And yet she completely lacked any experience with what "friends" were actually like. Of course it never occurred to her that handing out suspicious notes was not something that normal people did. What could she know about "friendship," after all? Someone like her, who had not once experienced kindness in her entire life up until now? Even if she had her misgivings about something so suspicious, she must have pushed it aside due to her unwavering faith in her blossoming friendship. A friendship that she didn't understand in the slightest. It's... It's so... Ahaha. It's just so foolish. For someone to take advantage of Arei like that. It's absolutely unforgivable. All she wanted was to change. What a reprehensible person this killer is. I look forward to seeing their painful execution.

(Do you think all this talk about "suspicious notes" is making him think of Xander with the suspicious note he received? Don't know, maybe :p)

Between David hiding the end of the conversation and the whole "Arei was a temporary weather spell" line, it seems he's really committing to the role of someone who doesn't care about Arei.

There are many reasons he could be doing this, but I believe he's just pulling a Teruko: Showing no vulnerability, because if he did, then maybe people would actually try to reach out to him. And then they'd get hurt like Xander and Arei; quote one of the Hamlet quotes in LGI (one of the eight lol): "I did love you once. You shouldn't have believed me." And/or David would need to confront how awful he is to try to change and better these new relationships.

Because it's a lot easier to be an irredeemable asshole who will never get better, than to confront the reality that he can, just that it's hard. Cue parallels with Arei and Teruko and Ace and you get the idea.

Final note, completely unrelated.

Whit [2-12]: Hey, hey, you could say those fish were a... red herring? David: Ugh! Goddamn it, Whit, does everything you say have to be made into some shitty dumb joke?! You're actually really fucking annoying! Shut the fuck up!!

Question 8: Why is David so pressed about Whit's jokes? At the moment, my only guess is that Whit's attitude of always remaining positive enough to crack jokes reminds David a bit too much of his "cheery" persona, which also is supposed to always remain optimistic in the face of adversity, and David either hates that because he hates himself, or because he's envious that Whit can hold that optimism without trouble (as far as David can see). I lean on it being a combination, where he does hate his "cheery" persona, but also wishes he could genuinely be like that, but it's very hard to tell atm.

Alright that took way too long. Can't wait for this all to be proven horribly wrong the next time we get any solid info on David!!!

Levi Fontana

Hey Levi sorry for calling you an accomplice for like a year are we still cool? :,D

Although Levi had a lower amount of Big Moments than David, I consider them more impactful to the chapter. And when you're talking Levi, you're talking 2-13 and 2-16. Let's start with the former.

Levi [2-13]: The secret that Arei received, "You're a murderer, and you hold no remorse...." That's my secret. [Cast reactions] If you were wondering, it's not in my legal records. The court struck it from the records. Ace: No shit! There's no way Hope's Peak would have scouted a murderer! Levi: Don't make the mistake of switching cause and effect.

Let's take our time with this one, it's a long speech. First, nice to see we called this secret, it's nice. Also, I'm not the first to point this out, but it's a neat bit of characterization for Levi to first talk about the legal side of his secret instead of anything more related to emotions; he only really cares about the effects things have in the present (that'll become explicit in a bit), so the first concern he thinks of are the legal repercussions.

Then, Hope's Peak... Hope's Peak why are you this shady. Between Rose's situation, the Ultimate Contest for Eminent Students, and now this, it's now three times they've specifically targeted people in vulnerable positions. Four if you count Teruko, but that would imply they rigged the lottery for the Lucky Student, which I would believe but we currently don't have evidence for. No wonder Xander has issues with them, they're cooking something weird.

Rose [1-4]: I'm sure Hope's Peak wants me to become some sort of appraiser or forgery detective with the skills that I have. Taking some offending youth and turning them into a productive member of society would be a pretty good look for them.

Unnamed Classmate [BE1]: Why would Hope's Peak announce [the UCES] 12 years before it would actually take place, when all the would-be contestants are just children? Min: Because they wanted the contest to hang over the heads of kids like me for 12 years, from childhood all the way into high school. They wanted to single out those who were obsessive enough to spend their entire lives preparing for this one test from childhood.

Unnamed Classmate [BE2]: If you set out to do something, then never give up on that, no matter what obstacles may stand in your way. Even if it's risky or against the rules, as long as it's for a good cause... I'll trust that you know to do the right thing. Xander: Yeah. Of course. That's why I've come to Hope's Peak, isn't it?

We currently have no clue where this is going, but I'm noting it for further reference. Let's pick off from where we left.

Charles [continued]: Care to explain yourself? Levi: At the time, I was confronted by three guys who tried to start a fight with me. I believe they were some old enemies. I killed their leader first, which may have been justifiable as self-defense, but then I tracked down his two remaining friends several days later and beat them to death. J: "Old enemies?" "Leader"?? Were you in the freakin' mafia or something? Levi: No. J: ... Levi: ... J: Are you not going to elaborate?? Levi: I don't particularly think I need to elaborate. After all, that happened in the past and has nothing to do with Arei.

One question this speech leaves us with is "why did Levi track down the other two after killing the leader?" We don't have enough info to tell for sure, but I assume it's a matter of safety? Like, Levi thought those two would try to attack him again if he left them alone, so he needed to make sure that didn't happen. I think that makes enough sense for me not to lose sleep at night over it, but of course I'm open to being wrong.

Also, this is the point where Levi's pure pragmatism becomes apparent. "It's not important right now, so why would I elaborate?" A philosophy which is born from his lack of empathy which will be discussed later. This pragmatism is probably why he's the one to argue that Eden was in an advantageous position to kill Arei; the logistics of murder come before emotional aspects in his mind, which is understandable.

Eden [continued]: Who... Who did you even kill? Levi: They were three guys... a few years older than me... Uh... I don't remember their names or who they were.

Do we think Levi knew their names at one point and forgot, or did he somehow track down two people without learning their names? I find the former more likely, just wanted to point that out.

Levi [continued]: I was a bit of a delinquent when I was younger, so they could have held a grudge against me for any reason. Maybe I smashed their windows and robbed them? Or, wait, maybe something to do with that car I blew up once? Rose: That's... kind of a lot to admit all of a sudden.

One thing I always enjoy is when the character who reacts to cut off a monologue has some kind of connection to the thing being discussed. Like, of course Rose is surprised at everything Levi is saying. She's out here being haunted by the crimes she committed, to the point where the debt she put her family in is her motive secret, and then this other guy has broken All the Laws and is just admitting it openly lol.

Levi [continued]: I've forgotten most of the details, as I haven't though much about it since I was cleared of my charges. Sorry, I can't really remember why that happened. Arturo: How could you forget something so important? You can't even be bothered to remember their names? Did you not care that you killed three people?

Speaking of matching reactions to character, Arturo "I feel unending guilt over the death of my sister who I did not even directly kill" Giles cannot conceive how someone else isn't haunted by the lives he took, more recap foiling at eleven.

Veronika [continued]: You say that your backstory and secret aren't relevant to this trial, but they are. That second part of your secret, that you "felt no remorse" for killing people... If you don't care about murder, then you'd have a much easier time killing than anyone else here. You may even be unbothered by the fact that passing the trial would mean everyone else's execution. After all, you seem completely detached while admitting not only to murdering 3 people, but to several other crimes as well. Almost as if you didn't care about any of this. At least not from a moral standpoint, that is. Levi: I won't deny it. That is indeed how I feel. Ace: You are one sick bastard. What could you possibly say in your defense.

This is the first big hint of Levi's low to non-existent empathy, but I'll wait until it's fully elaborated on to discuss it in depth. Also this hints to Ace business that will be discussed in his section. Why am I even writing here.

Levi [continued]: That incident happened when I was in my junior year of high school. My junior year was also the year that Hope's Peak scouted me as the Ultimate Personal Stylist. To my understanding, it would have reflected poorly on Hope's Peak to recruit a murderer, so they pressured the court into not pressing charges.

I do wonder now why Levi even started styling in the first place. By his own admission he's pretty new to it, though he's got at least a year or two of experience if he was scouted in junior year (I think? USA why can't you fucking number your grades like sensible people I don't know what "junior" means without firefoxing that shit). Maybe a job he picked up after disownment? Though that heavily depends on when and why he got disowned in the first place; was it because of his father's murder, the murder of the three dudes and the court case just took a while, or was it something else? Questions to mull over, but can't answer without further info.

Levi [continued]: Err... Hang on. Now that I've thought about it a little more, my motive secret may not be referring to those guys. It could also be referring to the time I murdered my father. J: Wait, you-- YOU WHAT?! Levi: It's quite difficult yo tell what these motive secrets truly mean because they're all phrased so vaguely... It's a bit of a bother. J: No, fuck that noise! Go back! The hell you mean, you fucking killed your dad? Levi: Correct. I simply forgot about it up until now. That would make four people in total that I've killed, not three, I think...? Arturo: How could you simply *forget* that you murdered your own family member? Nico: If you said you killed him because you just didn't like him, I could understand that. But you're saying you forgot about taking a life... Levi: It wasn't that important. Not even the police cared about a man like him, so nothing came out of it. I truly just forgot.

(why is everyone blue you're fucking up my color schemes-)

Back to the whole "appropriate reactors" thing, while I've already mentioned the Nico thing, I think it's cool J (the anti-murder spokesperson with a bad relationship with her mother) specifically says 'dad,' while Arturo generalizes to 'family member.' Someone's being reminded of his past~

I find this admission pretty funny for a few reasons, and very interesting for many others. Funny because my guy is complaining about the vagueness of the motives while admitting he killed his dad and not elaborating in the slightest. Interesting because... why did that happen? Levi doesn't respond to Nico's comment, so it seems like he didn't particularly dislike his father or anything? Especially in the context of the way he's talked about his family in the past.

Levi [responding to Eden, 2-1]: No, not at all. It's for the best that neither I nor my family see each other ever again. Eden: Eh? If you don't mind me asking, why? Levi: Why? My father, my mother, my brothers... We were all bad influences on each other. That's all that needs to be said.

I mean, Levi's father probably wasn't a shining beacon of hope or anything, given the police didn't even investigate his death, but like... lumping him in with the mother and the brothers, and just saying they were "bad influences" instead of, like, genuinely shitty people, it all makes it sound like there's no specific grudge against the father. Which makes sense, right? Even his father would feel like a stranger, as Levi will describe later. I really wish we get some elaboration on this, because I'm pretty curious about what kind of situation would lead Levi to this. I did try to check what's caused Levi to snap before, see if I could figure out what could have prompted it:

Ace [1-9]: What's the damn point of this whole trial if we're going to make choices based on dumb crap like that?? You useless shit-for-brains! Are you even taking any of this seriously?! Whit: Huh? Am I taking this seriously? Nah, not really. Ace: YOU--! Levi: Ace, calm down. You are not helping at all with this argument-- Ace: You shut your damn trap too, Levi!! I'm done with you trying to play the moral high ground by pretending to be some peacemaker! "Oh dear, oh my, calm down, everyone. Let's not fight, alright? Aren't I such a level-minded pacifist?" Stay the hell out of this if you know what's good for you. Levi: ... Ace: That's right. Shut your damn mouth, you coward-- Levi: Fuck. Off. Ace. How far do you want to push it? Do you think that I don't have a limit to my patience? I would gladly strangle you right here and now to shut you up if I were allowed. But if you're the coward I know you to be, then you should back up before you dig your own grave. So shut. Your mouth. Before I shut it for you.

Uh... Personal attacks against Levi? Yeah I have no idea what the hell his father could have done to prompt the murder. As usual, we're missing too much critical information to make a call on it. I'm gonna wager a guess that Levi didn't plan the murder, but rather it was an in the moment decision, but again I have no actual way to be sure.

Levi [continued]: Frankly speaking, I see no reason to remain hung up over some incident that is long past, especially as it ultimately had no impact on my life. Eden: You forgot about all of the things you did simply because you didn't face any consequences? That's incredibly selfish! Shouldn't you feel even a little bit bad? Those were human lives you took! I don't know what happened within your own family, so I can't pretend to understand why you killed. But even then, I'm sure those other people had families and friends who cried over their deaths!

Again the responders; remember how Eden feels guilty over both Min and Arei's death even though she never "faced any consequences" for them (mainly because she didn't actually do anything wrong but you get the idea)? Yeah that.

Levi [continued]: *sigh* I wonder if I should really tell you the truth, or if it's best to keep it to myself. I don't know how you all will see me after this. Teruko: You've already admitted to murdering 4 people. If you insist on not being completely honest with a secret this bad, then you're going to be the next one on the chopping block. Out with it.

Considering the stuff he says later, it's interesting to me that Levi seems to be more worried about revealing his lack of empathy than admitting to murder, especially with the knowledge that he's only doing this because he thinks being honest will make him "a good person."

However, I think it makes sense. Amongst the cast, there's already several people who either killed or tried to: Xander, Min, and Nico. But a lot of the others still speak of them in good terms; David talked about how good of a person Xander was for several minutes, Eden has made it clear she still misses Min, and Hu still defends Nico. Not to mention that Levi himself already threatened to kill Ace, and got called "a good person" by Eden just a few hours later. That means that, although admitting to murder will probably make the others more wary of him, there's precedent that Levi will still have people who stick by him after all's said and done.

Meanwhile, as far as Levi can tell, he's the only one who doesn't understand empathy in the slightest. And that means he has no way of telling how the others will feel about him if he reveals it, which is why he's more nervous about it than the murders. It plays on the themes of feeling disconnected from the rest of humanity that characters like Nico (via gender identity) and David-

Tally 5 Page: "... I wasn't capable of ever becoming human in the first place."

-have going on, which is definitely something that's cool to mull over. I hope these three get some kind of interaction about this in the future.

By the way, as always I'm just kinda guessing why Levi does the things he does and says the things he says, I could always be wrong.

Levi [continued]: It's not really that I don't care about killing people. Rather, it's more accurate to say that I don't care about people at all. No matter how much I hear about such things like empathy or compassion or love, none of those concepts resonate with me. Are those emotions really universal? The idea that people naturally "care" about others is a completely foreign concept to me. Nico: Eh? What are you saying? Levi: Judging by your reaction, I suppose that's a bad thing. But I wouldn't understand why. On the other side of this planet, there's a person who's suffering. Maybe they're even drawing their last breath. But none of you care, do you? Why would you? They're a stranger, after all. You don't know them. Their life holds no consequence for you. For me, everyone I've ever known is that distant stranger. It doesn't matter how long I've known you, how much we've done for each other, or even if you were my own father... You're still a stranger to me. And if tomorrow it turned out you all had passed away, I'd care as much as if we had never met.

So here's the big reveal, bolded text and all. Levi has extremely low empathy. I'm not gonna try to assign any specific disorder because I'd have no idea what I'd be talking about, but the empathy thing is pretty clear. I'm also no authority on whether this would be good representation for that or not, but for what it's worth, I think it's done pretty well. Levi's perspective is presented neutrally, in a way that shows his lack of empathy doesn't inherently make him a bad person, but not shying away from some of the real effects that can come from it (combined with other factors of course), such as the whole 4 murders situation.

I also like the way Levi describes it. It does a good job of getting the audience to understand his feelings, while still holding quite a bit of characterization in there. For example, the reason he gives for why the cast wouldn't care about the stranger on the other side of the world is because "their life holds no consequence to you." Even when trying to speak from the others' perspective, his understanding of why someone would care about someone else is still shaped entirely by what tangible effect that person has in the other's life, in a way sorting people by "holds consequence/holds no consequence."

Eden [continued]: But you're a good person. Why are you saying these things when it's clearly not true? You're so kind to everyone. You're always helping others out, even when it'd be easier not to. Like that time Ace almost died. You kept trying to help him, even if he always pushed you away. Isn't that what "a good person" does? Levi: In all honesty... I don't personally care what happens to Ace. Whether he lives or dies is none of my concern in the end. Ace: ...?! Levi: But it is a "good" thing to make sure someone else doesn't die, even if I personally do not care about the outcome. I truly believe that. But I adhere to that principle out of duty, not sentimentality. Does that make any sense?

So I'm gonna do a funny here and skip Ace's reaction to this, because that's more for the Ace section than this one. I also already talked about Eden's reaction to this.

Instead, I'll focus on Levi, particularly the question of "does Levi actually care about Ace?" To answer that, it'll be helpful to get the full Veronika Breakdown TM.

Veronika [continued]: Hm hm... I understand now. You're quite the interesting person, Levi. From what I've seen of you so far, your personality has been awfully inconsistent. It's like you don't know how to act. Trying to act like "a good person" without any intuitive sense of what's good or bad is hard, right? For someone like you, who lacks compassion, it must be quite difficult to pretend to be nice. You're always guessing as to what a normal human would do in your situation. You're so awkward in social settings because you can't tell what other people want. You act like a big pushover because if you go the other direction and stand up for yourself, you won't know where to stop. You offer to do things for others because you've observed that "good people" help others, and you parrot noble assurances without understanding why. Such things like that. Not only are you trying to act without a script, but you don't even understand the story. And you slip up constantly. Levi: You explained it better than I could. You really have an intuitive understanding of other people, Veronika. That's a trait I envy. The way I see it, it would be beneficial if I was "a good person." Then other people would trust me and not pick fights with me anymore, and they'd do things for me because they "liked" me. If I was a good person, then I wouldn't have to live a life full of violence anymore. I did everything so that I could have a better life.

Okay hold on there's a bunch to talk about here. Let me do that before circling back to the Ace Question.

Veronika is thankfully good enough at describing the stuff she said that I don't feel the need to elaborate on that. It's basically just a perfect read of Levi's actions so far under this new frame of someone who lacks empathy yet still is a good person. His awkwardness, his outbursts towards Ace, him being sort of a pushover, everything. I also like the little comment of Levi envying Vero's understanding of people, it's neat characterization.

Aside from that, there's also cool contrast between the way Levi sees being a good person as a sort of purely pragmatic social contract (being good leads to a peaceful life and ensures others help you) and Eden, which as referenced earlier sees friendship in a purely emotional and non-transactional way. Not exactly fully comparable, but close enough, and still worth mentioning given the chapter starts with a conversation between the two of them about how they're good people. Both of these have their merit, the point is that, in the end, no matter the reason you have for doing good things, regardless if it's out of sentimentality or just duty, doing good is enough to be a good person. While still of course keeping in mind Arei's message that no one is effortlessly good 100% of the time, and simply trying to be as good as you can be and improve on your flaws is enough.

Also, "I did everything so I could have a better life," huh?

Arturo [referring to Felicity's suicide, 2-10]: How is it possibly my fault that I wanted to live my own life!?

Get paralleled, idiot >:D

Wanting better things for yourself can end up having good effects on others (Levi being good to the cast), or negative (Felicity dying), fun contrast.

But I'm beating around the bush. The question I asked earlier, does Levi actually care about Ace?

Well, there's definitely room for interpretation, but my read is... well, not in the usual way. I mean, Levi explicitly says he doesn't particularly care if Ace lives or dies, so that's kind of a giveaway that he still very much does not feel empathy towards him. To better understand Levi's perspective, it might be helpful to analyze the previously mentioned Hu-Nico and Levi-Ace parallels.

Fandom has long since grouped together Hu and Levi as the "parental figures" of the group, and while I don't particularly enjoy applying familial relations to friendships, there's some basis for the interpretation. They both (to varying effect) commonly act as peacemakers and moderators in the context of the group, but have had this position compromised by emotional outbursts (Hu's defense of Nico and Levi's threats to Ace). Hell, there's even parallels in the way people react to some of these outbursts.

Levi [after the previously linked outburst, 1-9]: I'm terribly sorry for that, everyone. Please continue discussing as you were earlier. Ace: So scary!!

Rose [reacting to Hu's "fuck David" outburst, 2-12]: Wow. Hu can be scary.

To be fair the 2-12 outburst is far more justified than a lot of Hu's others, but you get the point.

They both act this way for similar reasons; to control the cast's perception of them. Hu wishes to be seen as reliable in order to feel useful as a way to counteract her suicidal tendencies and self-loathing, while Levi wishes to be seen as a good person for the reasons he states (to live a peaceful life where others do things for him). And in order to do this, they've both chosen to focus on one person in particular to "protect" or help in some way; Nico for Hu, Ace for Levi. The reasons for this are different mind you, but the effect is similar enough.

However, while it's still unclear why exactly Hu is so adamant about Nico in particular, we kind of know why Levi is focused on Ace. Simply put, before the second trial, Ace was sort of the only person who had legitimate reasons to dislike Levi, at least in Levi's mind. Because of the death threat in trial one of course. Most people haven't really expressed an opinion on Levi either way, but they're civil and at least neutral towards him. Hell, Eden even specifically says Levi's a good person after the death threat, and since she's a pretty rational person, it follows most of the cast would see him that way as well, given how quickly they all moved on from the death threat.

Ace was the exception, however. Ace was very explicitly (and understandably) pissed at Levi for the death threat, so he stood as somewhat of a threat to Levi's goal of being seen as a "good person." Levi trying to fix things with Ace is an extension of this goal, and I don't think there's much else to it. Even to the very end, Levi's frustration at Ace doesn't come from a sense of betrayal or sadness or remorse for not being able to stop the murder, or anything like that. Levi only gets frustrated at his inability to understand Ace, which we already knew from his envy of Veronika's psychoanalysis abilities is a point of insecurity for him.

Ace [2-16]: I just needed a reason to stay mad at you, any reason at all, goddamnit! [sic] Levi: Why? Why do you have to force yourself to be angry at me? You just said you know that you're in the wrong, so why do you still do it?! I don't understand. I can't understand you, no matter how hard I try.

Levi, under this reading, still doesn't "care" that Ace is about to die, not in the way Eden felt bad about Min's death for example. He's frustrated that he's trying to be a good person towards Ace, and it isn't working for reasons he can't grasp. More on those reasons in the Ace section.

I am very curious as to how he'll react to Ace wanting to speed up his execution to try and save his life, and I predict Levi will probably try his best to honor Ace's memory and his sacrifice, but as always, out of duty and not sentimentality. Sorry Acevi fans, hope you still find a way to make it work :/

Since we're on the topic (and Ace's section is gonna be long enough as is), I'll talk about the other side of the Hu-Nico and Levi-Ace parallels, the way the "protected" act in respects to the "protectors." The main point of contrast is that, originally, Ace specifically sought out Levi for protection, while Nico never asked Hu for it.

Teruko [1-2]: Since when were you two so friendly? I distinctly recall yesterday a certain someone being terrified whenever Levi came near him. Ace: Whaaaat? Me, scared? Are you just making things up? Teruko: ... Ace: Okay, fine. Yeah, Levi's scary as hell! But I realized that MonoTV is even scarier than Levi! At least Levi is sorta safe to be around. And I like to be safe, you know?

Nico [to Hu, 2-14]: I never asked you to defend me--

Then comes the aspect of "betrayal" in both these relationships, where the roles are flipped. It's Levi who originally "betrays" Ace by threatening him, while it's Nico who "betrays" Hu by trying to frame her with the wire. However, Ace takes this betrayal much more personally than Hu, getting mad at Levi while Hu continues to defend Nico. As a result, Ace gets a bit of a victim complex, while Nico fully acknowledges blame for the murder attempt. Etc.

Okay time to continue with 2-13 because no we're not done with it.

Levi [continued]: After listening to David, I concluded that a good person would also be honest, even if the truth makes them look bad. Ace: You're taking advice from David of all people? Look at this asshole! David: Try looking in a mirror before you talk, Ace. Levi: I thought David was a prime example of a good person. Is he not? David: Wow, you really don't understand people at all, do you. Levi: I don't want to distract you all from this case any further. So, I apologize for this tangent.

Another really cool bit of characterization here. Levi struggles so much with understanding most people's sense of morality that he still thinks David "I actively tried to kill everyone here by pretending to be the blackened" Chiem is a good person. There's also the quick implication that David doesn't see himself as a good person, but I feel we're well past the point where that's news.

We also get the reason why Levi even said all this; he thinks being honest will help him be a good person, and presumably only brought it up after the whole David thing got resolved because "good person" David was (eventually) honest with both his motive secret and the reason he tried to get voted out. Or, rather, Levi thinks David was honest on the latter. Fair ig.

Levi has a few other lines in this part, but the next most striking thing to talk about is, fittingly, not a set of words, but an image.

Levi's protective streak has always been a big part of his character, and now he's literally taken a bullet (or 5) for Teruko. Just for the record, I imagine he'll survive, because there'd be no real point to most of the end of 2-16 if he didn't.

The big question around this is, naturally, why did Levi jump in? Obviously, it's not that he particularly cares if Teruko lives or dies, not from an emotional standpoint anyways. It could also just be Teruko's luck somehow manipulating him the way it seems to have influenced Min somewhat, but I can't see that as the only reason this happened. So, like most people, I believe he feels he owes Teruko.

Teruko [1-2]: No... I should be the one apologizing. It's my fault you got hurt. Levi: What do you mean? Without your warning, I could have gotten fatally injured. I should thank you that my wound is not more severe.

Teruko warning him in the prologue is the most obvious case where Teruko saved Levi, especially since it parallels this scene. Teruko saves Levi from execution, so he returns the favor. However, we also need to keep in mind that, without Teruko carrying, these people would not have made it through the trials, so Levi might feel he owes her for that too. And "good people" repay their debts, don't they?

Very interested in seeing where Levi's character goes from here!

Teruko Tawaki

You know a series is doing something right when the protag has so much shit going on in a trial where she didn't even have strong relationships with either the victim or the killer. Now, a big chunk of her screen time was devoted to crime solving, so her section might end up smaller than Levi's even though I consider her more important, but the order of this analysis is kinda all over the place anyways :v

I'll go in the order of Teruko moments as they appeared, though I'll skip the whole "fix my mistake" thing since I already mentioned it in the Min section.

David [2-12]: Xander is a good person. He's the only good person I've ever known. I swear, I'll follow in his footsteps and-- Teruko: And get everyone killed in the class trial? Xander is a good person? Are you hearing yourself right now? What virtuous reason could he possibly have for trying to kill me and everyone else here? David: I'm sure he had a good reason. I believe that he did. Xander is not the kind of person to do anything for frivolous purposes. Teruko: You *believe* that he had a good reason!? Hah! Based on what? The 3 days you spent with a fan who was too infatuated with the ideal of you to treat you like an actual human-- David: SHUT UP!

She says all this like she wasn't play-acting her Xanruko fix-it AU with cacti, like, two days ago lol.

Teruko Cactus [2-3]: That's right. Give up now, and surrender. Then I'll consider letting you live. Xander Plant: Teruko... I've changed my mind. I promise, I will turn my back on whoever made me do this and stay by your side from now on. Do you forgive me?

I don't actually have much to say about this. Teruko's complicated feelings about Xander aren't exactly news; genuinely angry at him for attempting to murder her, also genuinely upset that things didn't go better. No wonder David's uncritical view of the guy ticked her off.

2-13 had a lot of murder solving from Teruko, which is cool but not crucial for character analysis. Meanwhile, 2-14 had quite a bit more going on.

Rose [2-14]: I... I'm sorry for being useless. Maybe if I tried harder, if I just got over myself-- Teruko: Rose. Don't blame yourself anymore. You are helpful. It's because of you that I can solve this murder. Besides... I'm as much to blame as you. Maybe more, even. If only I listened to you when you said the tape was missing, then maybe I would have realized the truth of this case much earlier. Once again, I've made a stupid mistake. I simply wanted to believe that I could make it through this killing game without relying on anyone else. That I could be dismissive of everyone around me without consequences. So I refused to listen to anyone other than myself. I thought that if I did that, then I could avoid a repeat of the last trial, where I had made the mistake of trusting people too much. But now I'm making different mistakes instead. Again and again, I keep messing up this class trial with hasty assumptions and overlooked evidence. So... Rose: ... Teruko: ... Thank you, Rose.

Yuri stays winning.

Again, it's hard for me to add any commentary when Teruko's just... explaining all the themes out loud. We go back to the idea of Teruko fixing mistakes that she seems to have taken to heart from Min's CH1 breakdown (YURI STAYS WINNING), which ties into the idea of self-betterment that Arei's scene conveyed; and we basically have Teruko stating a reworded version of her secret quote, "It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all." It makes me wonder how Teruko will behave moving forward. Will she trust a few select people? Will she continue to keep other's at arm's length, but being slightly more open? Well, based on what she does with Eden, it seems Teruko is willing to trust select people until the situation merits distrust, which is a pretty solid way of looking at things.

Speaking of that.

Eden [2-14]: I just wanted to help Arei... I didn't kill her... Teruko: You know I can't just take your words at face value, Eden. Eden: Please, Teruko... You're my friend, aren't you? Friends help each other... So please, help me... [...] Teruko: Eden. Eden: *sniffing* Teruko: Eden. Pick up your head. Look at me. At this point in the trial, since I've narrowed Arei's killer down to just two suspects, I'm going to pursue each suspect individually under the assumption that they're the killer. That way, I can see if any evidence matches up to them only. [...] So for now, I'm going to assume you're innocent. Eden: W-What? Really? Thank you so much, Teruko... Teruko: Don't... get me wrong. This isn't out of kindness or pity or anything else. This is only because you helped me in the last trial. I'm repaying your favor, and nothing else. That's why I'll trust you, just this once. Eden: Teruko... T... Thank you, Teruko... Teruko: ... Let go of me.

YURI STAYS WINNING!!!

That's what I was talking about. Choosing to trust Eden over Ace, but being willing to turn suspicion on the Clockmaker if Ace turns out innocent. A very reasonable approach! We love character development in this house.

That said, Teruko is still being a bit of a tsundere, with the whole "repaying a favor" thing. Levi parallels anyone? Well, not exactly, since Teruko does feel empathy towards Eden, but close enough. What's more interesting is that Teruko is using the exact transactional logic that Eden warned her against, which is intriguing setup for the future when it becomes more undeniable that Teruko is definitely not doing this just to repay a favor.

Also, the Trauma remains. Teruko telling Eden to let go fully completes the parallel to the Min scene, where she says the same thing (among others). I imagine our girl won't be too receptive of hugs for a while.

Before we get to the next big moment, real quick, we gotta fulfill our "Teruko's life is miserable" quota.

Teruko [to Ace, 2-15]: And three. You took the tape for first aid. Arturo: That's ridiculous. Who uses non-medical tape for first aid? That's sickening. Teruko: It's not that weird. I do it all the time.

Alright quota fulfilled. Let's move on. In this case, I'll skip to when Teruko gives up on the "show me your injuries Ace" line of reasoning.

Teruko [2-15]: No. It's fine. That's not a very fair line of logic, so forget it. You were almost murdered, after all. I should have understood that.

I don't know why Teruko really thought this line of logic was even worth following in the first place, but it makes sense for her character to ignore Ace's possible emotions in favor of the trial. But it's also cool to see her backing down when she realizes the harm she may be causing, especially as someone who has very notably hid how much her own murder attempt affected her, and in particular the wound that came from it.

Teruko [2-15]: The point of this trial is to determine who the killer is, not to determine every single little detail of what happened. It doesn't matter that you're not convinced. It's not going to help you, nor change your fate. No matter how you feel or what you think, nothing will change. [...] I've been fighting this entire trial to find the truth using real evidence. And when I make mistakes, I own up to them. What have you contributed? Show me some concrete proof of your innocence. Otherwise, shut up and stop wasting everyone's time. Ace: ... Teruko: Are you silent now? What happened to all those things you were shouting earlier? Don't you have anything to say for yourself? Ace: ... Teruko: Any evidence, any deductions to show that you're innocent? Come on, Ace! Don't you want to live?! Defend yourself!

So, a few things. First, regarding that second paragraph. "It's not going to change your fate"? "Nothing will change"? We'll circle back to it, but it seems Teruko is projecting how she feels about her own fate (before the Levi incident at least) on Ace. You could even say-

Literature Girl Insane: Even if we cry make noise shout go mad - this world won't change!

The foils ever.

Anyways, I assume that's why Teruko gets so worked up over Ace remaining silent. She sees a bit of her situation in trial 1 (almost murdered, suspected as the killer) in Ace, so her emotions run high with both the frustration of a long trial and the bad memories this is probably bringing up. At least, that's how I interpret it.

Also another mention of correcting mistakes, which shows up one more time before the episode ends, which I already mentioned as being tied back to Min and Arei; alongside with another "fate" drop. "Fate" is becoming the new "good person" isn't it :p

Teruko [2-15]: Confront the mistakes you've made. Then accept death. That's the fate of everyone who choose [sic] to participate in this killing game.

Also I find it endlessly funny that Teruko's reasoning for the Closing Argument being necessary reads a lot like "this is a DR trial we gotta do this, it's in the contract." Consider me amused.

But I've beaten around the fate bush enough. Let's get all of that over with in one fell swoop.

Teruko [2-16]: It's just... misfortune. That's why Ace killed. That's all.

Teruko [regarding her execution, 2-16]: What's the point [of running]? I should have known this would happen. [...] Even if I shield myself behind others, even if I search for an escape, it always comes down to this. I have to face the consequences of my actions. There's no escaping that. [...] Arturo: What are you talking about?? You're going to be killed!! Teruko: Killed? I doubt it. As if something so kind could happen to me. [...] I won't die, even if MonoTV puts a hundred bullets in my body. I'll only be badly injured. Possibly lose a body part. Maybe I'll even end up in a coma for months. [...] But I won't die. I never will. There's nothing I can do but accept my fate. It's what I deserve, after all. [...] I was perfectly willing to get shot. I thought I didn't have to care about what happened to other people, and especially not about what happened to me. I thought that if I lived alone and died alone, nothing would stain my conscience. Even if that was a selfish way to live. But even so...

Teruko [to MonoTV, 2-16]: Can you really say it's fate's fault for everything you've done, and pretend that you hold no blame in the matter? I have always said that my misfortune, my personality, the choices I make, everything was all a product of a bad luck that I can't control. That I grew up in such terrible circumstances, so I was destined to grow up to be a terrible person. That everyone else abandoned me, so it's not my fault that I'm alone. I want to say it's fate's fault, and that I had no choice in the matter. But, even so... Even so... Everyone. Xander, Min, Arei, Ace. Maybe even Levi. Is it my fault that they died? [...] MonoTV: You have to decide the answer for yourself. Teruko: Whether it was the fault of fate, or my fault... I already knew the answer. I had known what the answer was since a long, long time ago.

Alright I made myself sad, so something's been achieved, I guess. Poor Teruko :(

Just to start somewhere, we get confirmation of Teruko's suicidal tendencies in the present, which was already implied strongly enough, but now she straight up says she considers death something "kind to her." Just sad in general, but I wonder if there will be some discussions of it with the fellow suicidal characters like Hu. In fact, I wonder if that's the reason that Hu was the one to see the scar on Teruko's back during 2-2; so she'd have a vague idea of Teruko's backstory for some interaction in the future.

But the main point of these scenes is Teruko's relationship with the concept of fate. She basically goes through an entire character arc from the moment she says Ace's murder was just misfortune to right after Levi jumps in to save her. Basically, she used to blame fate (or "bad luck") for everything she did and what happened to her, thinking that just accepting this fate would allow her to live more easily. Especially noticeable because part of her "bad luck" is being betrayed, which gives way to her trust issues.

Teruko [2-2]: If I get in a car, it'll crash. If I stand in a construction site, it'll crumble to dust. If I trust others, they'll turn their back on me.

Hence her internal monologue about "living so nothing stains my conscience." If everything that happens to her is fate's fault, then she doesn't have to change, she doesn't have to confront her faults. Even when she talked about accepting the consequences for her actions, it was always in the context of accepting her fate. If she just accepts whatever consequences her actions bring, then she can excuse herself from fighting back against that, which is an easier way to live, but as she says, could be considered selfish. What's easier for Teruko is not always best for others, exemplified perfectly by Levi protecting her; Teruko chose not to fight her fate, and it got Levi hurt. Funnily enough, this somewhat parallels Hu feeling selfish for not sharing her secret, which is fun contrast. Hu is more justified in not sharing her secret, so it shows that feeling selfish for doing things that are good for you can be pretty bad. Meanwhile, Teruko shows that not taking others into account can also end up hurting people.

Of course, the whole "not fighting fate" thing also obviously parallels Mr Literature Boy Insane's feelings on the whole thing, to the point where they have practically the same character flaw. Believing themselves and others unable to change as a result of fate is the way they try living with themselves, because of the whole self-loathing thing, but that means they're resistant to changing their flaws. MonoTV says similar things, but it's a machine so it's not so much a flaw as just the nature of its character. It was a flaw Arei had, though, but she grew out of it through Character Development, similarly to the way it's implied Teruko is growing out of the "all fate's fault" mindset in the last inner monologue. You might also notice that tying fate into self-betterment allows you to draw a connection to the theme of admitting mistakes and fixing them, tying to Min who is also connected to the concept of fate through her entire backstory of being "destined" to be the Ultimate Student from the moment her family accepted XF-Ture's Tech contract, and obviously Min contrasts Xander who is all about fighting fate as the Ultimate Rebel, and that's without mentioning all the other "fate" bullshit going on and-

Yeah you get the idea. Too much peak for me to write it all out.

Very excited to see where Teruko's character goes now that she's not going to blame her bad luck for everything now. I worry she'll swing too hard the other way and end up blaming herself for things she shouldn't, but oh well, that's just more character development to be had.

That was the biggest Teruko thing, but there's still more to cover.

Teruko [to Ace, 2-16]: If you can't [attack MonoTV]... If you can't do that, then tell me, why did Arei have to die?! Ace: ... Teruko: It's because unlike Arei, *you* couldn't make amends with the people you made enemies out of. *You* were too scared to confront the people you hurt, say you're sorry, and promise to be a better person. So instead you took out your own personal problems on other people by murdering someone who had nothing to do with you! Arei died because you're a coward, Ace!

Uh... someone's projecting~

Teruko [already linked, 2-2]: But if you start talking about me and saying that I could be a good person if only I make an attempt to change, then I'm going to stop you right there. Don't say that I could be a good person, because all it'll do is make me feel bad that I'm not.

Damn it's almost like she hates herself because she already knows deep down that her mindset is flawed and so when she sees someone else behaving like she does/did she gets upset at them that's crazy :O

(I mean it's not 1:1 because Teruko never did anything as bad as Ace, but the point stands :v)

Final note, as always, voice acting was peak, just that there's too many good examples to point them all out one by one. Same with Levi btw, I think I forgot to mention it in his section.

Teruko continues to be probably my favorite protag of any DR or DR inspired story, though as always I'm working on a small sample size. Really excited to see her development in the future!

Ace Markey

Well if it isn't the man of the hour! It's only natural the blackened gets to close things out. Let's do the same thing as we did with Teruko and go by (mostly) chronological order.

That includes the quick, retrospective observation that a lot of Ace's behavior in the trial and investigation now needs to be re-analyzed with the understanding he's the blackened. It mostly just adds an extra layer to Ace's constant accusations towards Nico, though, since Ace didn't really do much most of the trial. The only other notable thing he did was revealing David's secret, and even then, nothing too big. I know it's a bit silly to go so hard on Nico when David is almost easier to frame, but this is Ace we're talking about. He's emotional and not quite the most strategic, so nothing weird there.

Although, speaking of Ace knowing about David's secret, why did he not hear the end of the Arei-David conversation? I doubt he's hiding it, because he doesn't really have a reason to, so apparently he just, like, left. I guess he just didn't care enough :p

Finally getting to PT 2 itself, we have a 2-13 speech we skipped earlier, don't we?

Levi [2-13]: I don't personally care what happens to Ace. Whether he lives or dies is none of my concern in the end. Ace: ...?! Levi: But it is a "good" thing to make sure someone else doesn't die, even if I personally do not care about the outcome. I truly believe that. But I adhere to that principle out of duty, not sentimentality. Does that make any sense? Ace: You... Hah. Hahaha. You-- You fucking piece of shit. Levi: ... Ace: I was right all along. That you felt bad for me... That you actually wanted to help me... That even if everyone here treated me like shit, there was at least one person who still cared about me... That shit's too good to be true, isn't it? Yeah, good thing I didn't fall for that in the slightest. Not one bit. I was totally right all along to burn our friendship-- No, I can't even call it "friendship." There's only one person in my whole life who I've ever been able to call my friend. That I ever thought, even for just a short time, that you and I were "friends" is an insult to his memory. I probably sound real pathetic admitting that. But I'm not nearly as pathetic as you. After all, you're a piece of trash who probably has never had a single friend in your life. Levi: ... Ace: Got nothing to say to me now? That's fine. Hey, Levi. I really hope you fucking die.

Okay there is... so much to unpack there. Let's... start by the smaller thing, which is the Taylor Riley drop in "there's only one person in my whole life who I've ever been able to call my friend." This guy's name was revealed in a now deleted CH2 PT1 QnA answer, alongside with the name of a friend of Veronika's who gave her her green triangle earring, Alyssa Belyaeva. We got main series confirmation of the name in one of the graves of Thanatophobia, alongside the names of Elliot Cuevas and Felicity Giles.

We know... zero about Taylor, apart from the fact that he was Ace's friend and is now very evidently dead. Thankfully, we get a bit more context on his death by one of Ace's comments:

Ace [2-16]: Execute me right now, you hear me, MonoTV? MonoTV: ... Ace: Because... Because Levi is gonna fucking die, and I'm going to have a third goddamn death on my hands!

Third, huh? Arei, the hypothetical Levi death, and presumably Taylor. Sure, the third could be Ace himself, but I feel the line makes a bit more sense with Taylor.

So, Ace blames himself for the death of Taylor. Given he liked the guy, probably not intentional murder, but who knows what the hell he did. At this point, we really have no way to deduce the way Taylor died or how Ace could have caused it somehow, though. Maybe we'll get some answers in the Bonus Episode? Hopefully :p

But that's the easy part. The hard part is Ace's feelings towards Levi. Immediately, we can tell the whole "I never thought you cared about me, not one bit" thing is a complete lie, not just because the line itself is extremely unconvincing, but because of something Ace says later in this episode.

Ace [to Levi, 2-13]: You piece of shit. I can't believe there used to be a time I actually liked you.

So, yeah. Similarly, based on the fact that Ace wanted MonoTV to speed up the execution to try and save Levi's life despite his fear of death, we can infer that Ace is also lying when he tells Levi "I really hope you fucking die."

No, Ace really does care about Levi. For the reason stated at... some point in this analysis; Ace feels safer around Levi. And that creates a bit of a problem for him, because if he wants to escape the killing game, he's gonna have to kill Levi to do it. It's unclear if that's the reason he originally pushed Levi away, "burning their friendship to the ground" in his words, or if he just didn't want to trust him after the death threat in trial 1. However, guilt over trying to get Levi killed is definitely part of why he says this:

Ace [2-16]: I knew... I knew that I wasn't allowed to call [Levi] a murderer. I had no right to act betrayed, because I was the one who betrayed everyone. But still, I...! Levi: Why-- Ace: But still, I--! I don't care what it was! I don't care if it made me a hypocrite! Even if I was completely in the wrong, and even if it made my life worse! I just needed a reason to stay mad at you, any reason at all, goddamnit! Levi: Why? Why do you have to force yourself to be angry at me? You just said you know that you're in the wrong, so why do you still do it?! I don't understand. I can't understand you, no matter how hard I try. Ace: Good! Stay that way! I hope you never understand me, even after I'm buried a billion miles deep in the ground and you're weeping at my grave, you piece of shit!

Ace tries very hard to find reasons to hate Levi because he's afraid of growing close to anyone in the killing game, mostly because he thinks he'll be betrayed, but by the point he starts plotting murder, also because he's trying to kill them all. Being close to them is a good way to feel more horrible about himself than he already does.

To be clear, the reason I say the first reason is more important is because I think I can more or less pinpoint the moment Ace starts thinking about murder, and by that point he's already trying to cut Levi off.

Ace [2-2]: In this killing game, everyone is out to get me. Especially people who love picking fights with me, people like you [Teruko] and Levi. I can't believe I wasted my time with all that dumb shit like arm wrestling and running around screaming at meaningless stuff. I was fucking stupid to not take this killing game seriously from the start. I'm done with being everyone's kickable scaredy cat. The only thing I should do is look out for myself and myself alone.

Well he sure did take the killing game seriously after this point now didn't he?

Obviously, this is a pretty direct parallel to the way Teruko tried pushing everyone away in this chapter, and the way David pretends not to care about Arei after the magical girl transformation. More on this whole thing in a bit.

The relationship between Levi and Ace is one of contrast. Levi, who doesn't actually care about Ace the "usual way", chooses to try to get closer to him. Meanwhile, Ace cares about Levi maybe too much, and his fear of this attachment drives him to push Levi away. The yaoi truly is doomed with this one. Moving on.

Ace [to Nico and Hu, 2-14]: You two are a real fucking joke. It would have been one thing if Nico gets away scot-free with trying to kill me, but now they apparently also have a fucking defense brigade to shield them from even having to think about the fact that they're a murderer. Who's gonna stick up for me, huh? No one. Because I have a spine and I don't need other people to lie to me constantly to keep me happy.

Ace [to Nico, 2-14]: You tried to murder me. You fucking tried to murder me! And after all's said and done, you can't even say something as simple as "sorry"?!

Ace [to Teruko, 2-15]: Were you convinced by Eden because she had a little sob story ready? Should I start crying and wailing too to change your mind? Teruko-- No, everyone here. You're always attacking me for stupid reasons. Everyone always has it out for me. That pisses me off. All of you piss me off.

Ace [2-15]: You all actually think I'm too goddamn stupid to accomplish anything? Do you really think I'm 2 seconds away from choking on my own spit and passing out?

This is where we start to see Ace's persecution complex on this part, which was already alluded to in the previously linked 2-2 Ace quote. He thinks everyone is out to get him, and to an extent, he's not horribly wrong. Very few people in the cast have favorable opinions on Ace, and he knows that if he gets revealed as a murderer, that "few people" will likely turn to "no one." I mean, not even Levi wants to defend him.

Ace [2-15]: Hah... I expected everyone else to get on my ass, but for you of all people to think I'm the murderer... What happened to ever wanting to make things up, huh? Besides, between you and me, we both know who's really a murderer.

And hell, Nico's already tried to kill him! Ace is the victim in that situation, even if he did "start it."

Which gets us to one of the most interesting moral quandaries this trial presents us with, Milgram style. Because the thing is, Ace has given the cast reasons to dislike him. Ever since the start, he's been confrontational, insulting, and just generally not the most delightful person to be around. Especially to Nico, who he specifically targeted to bully. Obviously it doesn't justify being horrible to him back, including things like Hu's slap and Levi's death threat, and especially Nico's murder attempt, but... well, if people don't feel about Ace the same way they feel about some of the calmer cast members, there's a reason for it.

How justified is the cast in the things they say about Ace? How much of it is Ace's responsibility, and how much is it the cast's? How much responsibility do they hold for creating the hostile environment that pushed Ace into murder? How does the mastermind and the killing game itself factor into this valuation? These are all interesting questions the series asks us to ponder on, and by their nature don't have any one right answer. Especially because "blame for a thing that happened" isn't a number that can be evenly divided by percentage, it's a very complicated and subjective thing. J puts it pretty well in her speech to Ace in 2-15, giving her perspective as well.

J [2-15]: Maybe I was too harsh on you. Me and everyone else here, I don't think a single one of us stopped to think where the breaking point is. ...But. Murder is unacceptable, no matter what. Your problems might be awful, and they might be the worst in the world, but they're still not so bad that killing 13 people is acceptable. You can't be forgiven as a murderer just because your life sucks.

My personal opinions on this are probably best saved for when we get the full picture in just a moment.

And speaking of the full picture, since Ace's persecution complex feeds into his fear of death, why don't we skip right into the big speech?

Ace [already linked in the Hu section, 2-15]: ...... God damn it. I'm such a piece of shit. [...] You're right. I'm screwed. There's no way I'm making it out of this trial alive. I just... wanted to stall for time. I'm scared of dying, I really am. [...] I killed Arei. That's exactly right. Shit, it sounds really bad when I say it out loud. [...] Hu: Did you kill Arei because of MonoTV's motive? Because you wanted to keep your 'secret' hidden-- Ace: Hell no! I don't give a damn about that motive, or my dumb little secret, you idiot fuckwad! Who do you think I am, you?! *sigh* That wasn't why I killed her. I was scared of dying, that's all. [...]

Quick thing, but I think it's cool that the motive really had jack shit to do with the murder. Hate to bring the guy up so much, but it helps make David's "plan" of revealing all the secrets unequivocally wrong, which I feel is important for some of the themes of the chapter. In particular, the idea that gets pushed that everyone should be allowed to reveal their secrets at their own time, aka privacy is important. Nico's public secret reveal happened before they were ready to share, and that was a bad thing, after all. And a lot of the conflict in this chapter came from MonoTV giving the motives in general.

Ace [continued]: I'm definitely going to die in this killing game if I don't escape. Everyone hates me, right? Because I'm a volatile asshole who can't help but pick fights and make people mad at me. Veronika was right. If pushed to kill, everyone would feel the least guilt if they killed me. They might even have some sort of grudge. I wouldn't be surprised. When Nico tried to kill me, that just confirmed it. There's a part of me that's a little pissed that Nico didn't succeed back then, because that would have saved me the trouble of having to go through this stupid-ass farce. Although I'd be real fuckin' pissed if they *did* successfully kill me. I'm kind of pissed at Nico for trying to kill me, either way. Nico: ...

Interesting to hear part of Ace wanted Nico to succeed. It certainly speaks to a great level of defeatism, where everything is horrible and death would be preferable, which parallels Teruko nicely. That defeatism for Ace comes partly from the persecution complex discussed earlier, and some other stuff we'll talk about in a moment.

Ace [continued]: But still! If I didn't kill someone and escape... then I was going to die. I'm fucking terrified of dying! I can't sleep at night because I keep thinking about how I'm going to die young in this goddamn killing game! I didn't want to die! I want to live. Just like everyone else. Live, and escape this killing game, and go back to my shitty life where I can't do anything on my own because I can't control myself. Back to that life where I can't do anything but a sport that I hate because I suck shit at everything else. I was forced into that fate, to kill someone because I'm scared. It was either that, or I would be killed first. There were no other options for me, because I'm a coward who can't fight my own fate. [...]

I think an underrated part of Ace's character is just how much damn symbolism is hidden in his talent.

The first connection is the more or less obvious "if I didn't kill someone, I would be killed first" mentality, where Ace literally views the killing game as a race to be the first blackened to get away with it. But that's almost an extension of the other connection.

You hear it from him here; he feels he completely lacks control of his life, that it's all decided by a fate he can't control, the same way that a jockey doesn't walk on their own, but rather is carried by a horse to their destination. And it's no wonder that this feeling of lacking control is referenced in his secret quote, "I don’t know what to do with myself anymore." After all, it's this feeling of lacking control of himself and his situation that causes him to seek control of anything he can, be it bullying Nico because he sees them as an easy target, distancing himself from others because it's easier to control his feelings that way, killing someone because it's the only way he can control his place in the killing game, or anything else I might be forgetting.

And this fear of lacking control is probably part of his fear of death, isn't it? Because no one can control what happens after death. Maybe yes, maybe not, but regardless, Ace's thanatophobia is pretty evident. I mean, it's the name of his execution, and it's a fitting one. Ultimately, Ace's fear of death is what gets him killed, both metaphorically because it's the reason he became a blackened, and literally because he dies of a fear-induced cardiac arrest. That, alongside with the incredible art and banger music, is why I consider Thanatophobia one of, if not the single best DR style execution I've ever seen. Simply peak.

Ace [continued]: Do you think I give a crap about you all? Why would that matter to me? No one gives a crap about me either! None of you even respect me enough to think I was capable of killing Arei! In fact, that made me feel way less guilty about killing-- [J makes her anti-murder speech] Ace: ... I know that [I can't be forgiven]. I'm the one who murdered Arei, so of course I know that. Arei... She was a piece of shit too. Just like me. Even if she said all that nice bullshit to Eden, there was no guarantee that she really was going to change and become a good person. Maybe if she lived, then by tomorrow she'd be right back to her annoying bitchy self. ... But at least she was trying. And I can't even change one thing about myself. Not my shitty job, not my shitty personality, nor my shitty life. I really am a piece of shit, huh?

At the end of the day, Ace is his own worst enemy. What really gets Ace killed (apart from the already mentioned fear of death) is the inability to change, to see the flaws in the way he behaves himself and try to better himself. Or, rather, he does see the flaws, he knows he's a target of the killing game because of his aggressiveness and that he drove himself into a corner out of fear, but he considers himself incapable of changing that. Changing is difficult, and Ace is scared to even try. Like he says, maybe Arei couldn't have managed it either, but she was trying. And that's what ultimately separates the two.

In case it isn't obvious, my take on who's to blame for everything that happened is pretty much squarely on Ace. Sure, there were things the others did to Ace which aren't justified, but you can't blame people for disliking someone that knows he's unlikable and cannot find it in himself to try to change that. Arei tried to change; she died a good person. Levi tried to make amends for trial 1; he's a good person too. The tragedy of the situation is that Ace himself could have been a good person too, because everyone can be, but it's a decision that must be made, as Eden put it earlier in the chapter. And it's a difficult one, too difficult for Ace.

Teruko, David, all these people... they can also be "good people," in the sense of always trying to be "less shitty together" in Arei's words. Ace is a cautionary tale of how not doing so can end up really, really badly.

Which is the setup for Teruko and David's continued foiling, isn't it? Teruko will presumably look at all of Ace's flaws (lack of trust, unwillingness to change, accepting fate without fighting it) as pitfalls to avoid, because of how similar the two of them acted in CH2. Meanwhile, David, since he heard Arei's speech and knows just how hard she tried to change, will see those same flaws as strengths. In his eyes, Arei died because she trusted the note, because she tried to change, because she tried to defy her nature. At least, that's my prediction. Where all of that will go is anyone's guess.

But, how do we know that Ace could have been a good person? How do we know that it isn't David who is right, that neither Ace nor Arei could have ever gotten better, had they simply tried? Well, simply put, because in the end, Ace does start changing. As a final, tragic note, Ace's ability to confront fate and try to correct his flaws only surfaces when it's far too late. And not only when he punches MonoTV, though that also is a good example of it, but also when he chooses to face execution quicker in an attempt to save Levi.

Ace [already linked, 2-16]: Execute me right now, you hear me, MonoTV? MonoTV: ... Ace: Because... Because Levi is gonna fucking die, and I'm going to have a third goddamn death on my hands! Arturo: E-Even then, there's no guarantee that he'll live--- Ace: Shut up! What the hell are you talking about? Aren't you a surgeon? Can't you fix him? Arturo: I--! I'm not that kind of surgeon! I've told you, over and over, I have no experience with saving lives! Something like this! There's no way I can do it-- Ah! Ace: SHUT UP! Shut up, Arturo! You *can* save his life! Shut the fuck up! Stop saying you can't do it, because you can! Don't you understand? I'm going to die right now, and you're going to live! So decide whether you want to at least *try* and put in some fucking effort for once, or keep making excuses for yourself like a sniveling coward for the rest of your life. I don't even get to make that decision anymore! Stop complaining, you whiny little shit! Grow some fucking balls and save someone's goddamn life, asshole! Because you can!

There's layers to Ace's shouting barrage at Arturo. Obviously part of it is just Ace trying to convince himself that Arturo can save Levi so he can die with a relatively clearer conscience, but there's also a sort of self-awareness of Ace's faults in the things he says. Try swapping "save Levi's life" for "be a better person," and pretend it's being said to Ace by someone else who is about to die.

You *can* [be a good person]! Shut the fuck up! Stop saying you can't do it, because you can! Don't you understand? I'm going to die right now, and you're going to live! So decide whether you want to at least *try* and put in some fucking effort for once, or keep making excuses for yourself like a sniveling coward for the rest of your life. I don't even get to make that decision anymore! Stop complaining, you whiny little shit! Grow some fucking balls and [be a better person], asshole! Because you can!

Because moments ago, it was Ace who was making excuses like a coward for why he felt he would never be a good person, and why he had no control over his shitty personality that made everyone hate him and made him a target of the killing game, etc. He never put in the effort to change because he thought it was pointless, that he was unable to, and didn't realize the falseness of that preconception until he was faced with death. Seems I was on the right track when I connected his thanatophobia to his issues with control; death robs him of the decision to try and be a good person ("I don't even get to make that decision anymore!"), which he hadn't even realized he had until that moment.

It's no wonder Ace was a popular survivor guess; he could have changed, could have been a good person. And despite the harm he's caused, the way he robbed Arei of the opportunity to do what he couldn't and attempt to change, the intention he had of killing everyone in the trial, his death remains a tragedy for the hypothetical of what could have been. Maybe if Levi had managed to properly reach him the way Eden reached Arei, this could have all been avoided. But alas, Ace didn't accept the hand strectched out to him, and now it's too late to fix things.

I said during my reactions that I felt just as emotional during Ace's execution as I did with Min's, which was certainly true and very impressive given my massive bias towards the Ultimate Student. And while I can't say that I'll miss Ace as much as I miss Min (because come on), I'll certainly hold him close to my heart for as long as I live regardless.

As a final note, holy shit the voice acting. If I pointed out every line where the acting for Ace was spectacular, I would be here all day. I doubt I need to elaborate on this; the sheer perfection of the performance should be obvious to anyone who can hear it. Godspeed Seth Raffield, you truly were incredible. Can't wait to hear what you do in the Bonus Episode, provided there is one.

---

I am free! Holy shit that took way too fucking long. I need to figure out a better way to do this shit for later chapters, because geez. You have no idea how much Tumblr's drafts lagged because of this shit, I had to write the final sections in different drafts and copy paste them over because it was unbearable. Not to mention hitting the goddamn link limit which is just clinically insane from me. Anyways, if you somehow managed to read all of that, I feel genuinely sorry for you. You know you can be a good person if you try, right? There's no need to punish yourself like this.

I'm being silly, of course. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!

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anonymous-dentist · 1 year ago

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Hi, I’m A.D., I’m a historian, and let’s talk about the nuclear bomb and why the one that exploded at the end of QSMP’s Purgatory Event probably didn’t kill all that many people upon initially exploding.

The nuclear bomb, as everybody knows, has only ever been used in a war twice. Both explosions were caused by the United States in their war against Japan at the tail end of World War Two in one final terrible last ditch attempt at ending the war through any means necessary.

Pictured above are the atomic explosions at Hiroshima (left) and Nagasaki (right.)

These are big huge clouds, which makes sense! Nuclear weapons, on average, have the strength of somewhere between 10 and 50 megatons of TNT. Hydrogen bombs, meanwhile, are WAY worse, with the first test coming in at a whopping 10 MILLION tons of TNT.

To put it in Minecraft terms for all you nerds out there, imagine Doomsday from the Dream SMP and how it razed an entire nation to bedrock level by using somewhere in the range of 20 stacks of TnT (if I’m remembering correctly.) A nuclear bomb, in these terms, would have blown L’Manberg up something like eight times over and then some.

So that’s. Bad. Right?

Well, here’s the QSMP’s bomb as was constructed by our favorite depressed detective, q!Maximus:

This bomb, notably, is underground. It was never dug up, it was just moved somewhere else. It isn’t above ground, and it never left this room. Watch the cutscene back (linked here), the bomb never left the room.

So this is where underground nuclear testing comes in.

Underground testing began in 1951, and it remains the only form of scientific nuclear testing not banned by the Limited Test Ban Treaty of 1963.

No big surprise, a lot of early underground tests were conducted by the US out in Nevada, where they kinda tested nukes legit fucking EVERYWHERE in the desert for a long time. Below are some photos, just for funsies:

What’s important about underground nuclear explosions is that they actually end up releasing less radiation into the atmosphere than regular nukes do. What happens beyond that depends on whether or not the radiation remains contained.

A contained explosion’s aftermath:

And an uncontained explosion’s aftermath:

There hasn’t really been many negative biological effects reported from these underground tests, which is really saying something considering how close to nuclear blasts the US had its guys at most of the time (see below)

The worst you got out of the underground tests was some radioactivity in cows’ milk, which is NOTHING compared to the effects of the above-ground nuclear testing at the Nevada Site:

So… what does this mean for the QSMP?

Well, if we’re going off of historical and scientific precedent, legitimately nothing substantial happened to the islands of Purgatory. There’s more of a risk of dying from the pre-established radioactive rain disaster effects as well as the earthquake and meteor disasters.

Fun fact! Underground nuclear explosions usually registered as weaker than actual fault line activity, aka actual earthquakes.

If Maxo’s nuke was dropped from above, the devastation would be greater. Nuclear fallout is no joke; even today, cancer rates in the American West are still pretty high from the above-ground testing conducted at the Nevada Site. The Bikini Atoll will never be the same after all the testing the US did there, either.

But, because this nuke seemed to have gone off underground, I can safely assume that the damage done to the islands above was minimal at worst. Maybe there’s a radioactivity leak, but everybody staying on the islands had already experienced radiation up to that point.

It’s important to remember this because several characters did stay behind on the islands, and the fandom is assuming them dead because, well. A nuke went off. But those characters aren’t dead yet (outside of q!Maxo, who was possibly directly above the nuke when it went off and thus would’ve been hit full-force by the explosion.) Many were on the beach, far from the the nuke. They’re fine, and you can prove it with history!

TLDR; the nuke from the end of Purgatory was assumedly set off underground, which would have negated a lot of its potential damage, so everybody’s fine except for the unfortunately deceased q!Maxo

#long post #qsmp #I’m not a nuke expert BUT I do specialize in the Cold War

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morganski-19 · 1 month ago

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Chills Right to the Marrow Part 50

ao3 link| part 1 . . . part 47, part 48, part 49

Packing is a bitch. Not because they have much, but more because it reminds Wayne of all that they lost. The memories that were bound up by crime scene tape and biohazard bags. The things that they’ll never get back. That Wayne will never get back.

Eddie doesn’t know this, but there was a box that he hid behind his armchair. Not that big of a thing, just a small carboard box. But it was filled with memories. Drawings that hung on the fridge until they were replaced. Hand drawn birthday cards, school projects, grade reports. Just anything that Wayne justified keeping with the limited space they had. Things he wanted to keep, to ensure that moments in time were kept.

Somethings hurt more than others to lose. The hat collection, his mugs. Years of time and effort and money just taken in a blink. At the end of the day, they could all be replaced. What couldn’t was everything in that box. Reminders of the life Wayne and Eddie had before all of this. Back when Eddie was still little, when they were just starting on this path together. Back when uncle actually meant what it was supposed to. It was that box that reminded Wayne that he could step into this new role. That he needed to do it, for both of them.

When Eddie was in that coma, when it wasn’t looking good, Wayne missed that box. He missed anything that reminded him of simpler times. Of the many fights, the long struggle. Because then, he knew that there was an end. There was a fight that could be won. Where he had a direct role in it.

Everything that’s been going on with Eddie’s health, he has no control over. Never had. Never will. All he can do is watch it happen.

If he were to focus on everything that needed to be fixed and no way to actually fix it, it would make him immovable. He’d become stuck in one place and never find a way to move again. So, he focuses on the things that he can do. To make sure that he keeps moving.

What he can do, is drive himself to the house with the dresser he found at a yard sale and put in his bedroom. Stare at the door he gets to call his, and a dream that became tangible. Watch as he slowly puts the pieces together, and creates the home that was once only figments.

Each step, no matter how inconsequential, still matters. While he can’t give Eddie the body he had at the beginning of this year, he can give him a home where he doesn’t have to feel any different. Some place stable to land, with someone who will never leave falter in support.

Wayne can build a new box of memories. He can build a new collection of hats and mugs. He can keep moving. All because life didn’t stop. He didn’t become rigid. Didn’t become stuck.

Eddie lived. Which means Wayne did too.

The house, no matter how many times Wayne has driven up the drive in the past few weeks, always amazes him. It isn’t anything special. Simple siding, a few windows. Door with paint chips from the wear and tear. But walking into it felt like a grand hall. With more space that he knows what to do with.

Without the furniture, it felt overwhelming. Slowly, he started finding things. Bringing them here. Jim helped him out with moving when he could. The furniture filled up the square footing the way he always hoped it would.

Nothing was crammed. Nothing felt out of place. There was even space for a real kitchen table. It was good enough, it almost made him cry.

“Need a hand?” Steve calls out from the porch. He’s been helping Eddie deconstruct, and then reconstruct his room.

“If you don’t mind.” Wayne opens the bed of his truck, waiting for Steve to come over.

They carry it inside and place in on a random wall in Wayne’s room. Once he gets a bed, he’ll rearrange everything later, it’s more about getting everything first.

“How much more stuff do you have left to get?”

Wayne chuckles. “If this is another ploy at trying to get me to take some of your parent’s furniture, don’t even start. You’ve already done enough for us.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like they’ll use it. They’ve listed all the furniture with the house, I don’t think the new owners will care if a few things are missing.” Steve follows Wayne out of the room, not giving up on the issue.

“I appreciate it, kid, but I said no.”

“At least take some of the stuff in the kitchen, they didn’t list that with the house, and I don’t need all of it. Seriously. They have enough place settings for thirty people.”

Wayne sighs, knowing this isn’t the first or the last time they’ll be having this conversation. He appreciates the gesture, he really does. But Steve’s already given them so much, Wayne could start standing on his own two feet again.

“Oh Jesus, not this again,” Eddie complains as he walks out of his room, empty box in hand.

It’s a good day for him. He’s able to walk around with crutches less and less. Body finally gaining a good bit of strength now that he’s actually doing his physical therapy exercises. The good days are starting to outnumber the bad.

“Tell your uncle to accept my housewarming gift.”

“Oh, that’s what you’re calling it now,” Wayne snorts. “Why don’t you tell Steve that he’s already given me enough.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “I’m not tell either of you anything. Your both adults, figure it out yourself.” He grabs his cane from where it was resting on the wall. “Come on, we can probably bring another box over today.”

Steve follows him out, leaving Wayne alone in the house. The mostly empty house.

As much as he hated to admit it, Steve did have a tiny point. Most of the things in that house are probably just going to get thrown out anyway. The new owners deciding what they wanted to keep, what they wanted to get rid of. It was nice stuff. It would hurt to see it so carelessly thrown away.

It was a nice gesture for Steve to offer them some of the stuff. A nice gesture to give it to someone who needs it, instead of letting it get thrown away. But Steve had already let them live rent free in the house. Refusing to let them help out with any of the bills. Claiming that his parents took care of most of it, but Wayne’s not sure that’s the case.

He’s seen Steve bring home his paychecks and sit at the kitchen counter with a little book. Separating it out into different categories, sighing and erasing when it was wrong. Looked a lot like Wayne when it was time to pay the bills.

So if anyone should get the things in that house, it should be Steve. He should take as much as he can so when he finds his own place, he doesn’t have to shell out anything to fill it. He can start his new life with everything he ever needs, nothing less.

When Wayne gets back later that night, he planned on bringing it up again. Thought about bringing up the fact that Steve needed to start looking for a place. The time was running out for all of them.

But the phone rings as Wayne is walking through the door, and when Steve picks it up, his body visibly sinks. Wayne tries to ignore Steve’s hushed words as he unties his shoes. It’s hard though, as he hears Steve’s voice tighten the more words come out.

Eddie walks by as Steve hangs up the phone. As he leans his head on the wall with a sigh.

“Are you ok?” Eddie asks, placing a hand on Steve’s arm.

“I have to start packing,” is all Steve says before escaping upstairs.

Time was running out faster than they all thought it would.

tag list (closed): @the-they-who-nerded, @insteviewetrust, @croatoan-like-its-hot, @jettestar,

@tinyplanet95, @steddie-as-they-go, @slv-333, @littlecelestialmoth, @thatonebadideapanda,

@fandomsanddeath, @marismorar, @wonderland-girl143-blog, @glass-bottle03, @gutterflower77,

@here4thetrama, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @jaytriesstuff, @cryptid-system, @manda-panda-monium,

@resident-gay-bitch, @anaibis, @xxsutherlandxx, @forevermineliv, @mugloversonly,

@gregre369, @n0-1-important, @different-tale-student, @spectrum-spectre, @tartarusknight,

@devondespresso, @swimmingbirdrunningrock, @cheertain, @anti-ozzie, @autumncrocusandladybug,

@greeniebean911, @cr0w-culture, @stillfullofshit, @connected-dots, @daisynotquake,

@morgannotlefay, @a-little-unsteddie, @dolphincliffs, @maskofmirrors, @me-and-my-sloth,

@papergrenade, @waelkyring, @sweetheartprincess28, @katouasobj, @astercomoasflores

#chills right to the marrow #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #wayne munson #wayne pov #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie

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notafraidofredyellowandblue · 2 months ago

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youtube

Flake (from about 0:04) reading for Drecksack evening 2024-10-18

Topic "His better half" which Flake first mentions is his wife, who everyone who knows them will say is definitely his better half, but then moves on to the actual subject of the reading: his keyboard ❤️

While doing so, he mentions a couple of nice side-notes (like Flake always does) like the disadvantages of playing with Rammstein

like wanting a little painkiller at the dentist only to be laughed at '....but you play with *Rammstein*!"

or people charging him to pay double for stuff because Bild wrote how many millions Rammstein earn, without mentioning the costs they have

or his place getting burgled because the tourdates are published so everyone knows when he's away (but his place is a bit of a mess anyway so he still doesn't know if something went missing)

has a little dig at guitarists who give their guitars a women's name, Flake names his keyboard just what it says on the label. Keyboards and samplers all have nice long names like Ensoniq EPS 16 Plus, not like guitars which are just called 'Gibson' or something.

When Flake got a real keyboard that he could take along to concerts, his dad got him an old violincase, a straight box, which fitted the keyboard perfectly. For concerts further away it also had room for a toothbrush and some underpants. After Flake got a new keyboard that was a little bit bigger, it still fitted the case, but there wasn't room for underpants anymore.

(After 20 minutes and turning another page he says "such a long text...who writes something like that" 😄)

His band (and himself) got a bit tired of the keyboard and got the idea of getting a sampler, with which you can take random noises and play them with the keys, at 0:30 he mimickes how a sampler works 😊

Flake loves music because it just exists in a moment, then it's gone, there's nothing left. Just air being moved in specific waves (at abt 0h32 he mimickes this) which create sound, it's there when you play it, and then it's gone, and evrything is back to how it was, but different because the music changed things. Just like a concert, it's there in that moment, but after that it's over and that's it, everything back to normal. Just like life..

The Ensoniq sampler was very complicated and you had to think of a whole lot of things to use it, and even had to take care to remove the bits you didn't use, because storage space on the device was very limited, for storage you needed floppy-disks (Flake says he sounds like opa before the worldwar talking about it)

At one show (0h36) Flake wanted to play his solo with a broken down micstand, but then the sampler didn't play any samples anymore...when he tried the old trick of turning the sampler of and on, it didn't even do that. At Rammstein Flake's sampler starts the sequencss at which the whole band takes direction to start songs, so when the sampler broke down, the others just stood there and waited (Flake chuckles mischievously at the memory) 😊 after that he got an external harddrive, and a UPS (in case electricity failed) and had to schlepp more and more stuff to shows, but nobody really noticed because by that time the guitarists had started to a (gear) competiton (bringing ever more stuff)

As there came more songs and Flake wanted to have them all on one sampler to avoid having to changes storage in between, he ran out of keys to put the samples on and often shifted an octave to different keys, until no key actually matched the right note anymore... at this point the band 'with soft pressure' to move with the timds and made him start using a keyboard device linked to an Apple notebook, and Flake was amazed how much music he could now play with the one keyboard. He had to redo all his samples, get used to playing this all new, and what was worst...because all the others in the band used a similar system and actually did understand it, they all felt they could help invent new samples and keyboardmusic, some even better than his own.

With all these electronics, when a loud bang happened on stage or a huge pyro or light went on, sometimes the computer froze and had to be elaborately restarted which took it's time. Maybe that's the reason why you can see Flake dancing or walking around on stage so often.

In the end all the electronics failed too often, and the Ensoniq got too old (like Flake himself he says) so he bought a Nordstage organ, two of them, both having the same sounds on it so he can choose which to use. Problem with that one is that everyone has it, you see it everywhere, like a Volkswagen Passat car, everyone has it, it works, but you'd rather have something different.

(0:43) Imagine saying that about your better half, Flake realises he is a lot better off with his wife 🌺

(couldn't help doing a little 'take'...i miss his podcasts)

#rammstein #flake liest #flake lorenz #good to see him back #Youtube #i miss #flake's podcast #tastenficker

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jpitha · 3 months ago

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The Long Way

This is an edit of an old one of mine.

"No" Cellmenian's voice rose in pitch. She was trying to hold back the rising tide of panic. "No." Her fur bristled and stood out straight, making her look fluffy. Without knowing why she did it, humans might call it cute. It was not.

The blast had only happened about an hour ago. They were en route from Sol to Parvati, a ferry flight of the Starjumper City of Troy, when three of the four reactors had oversped and exploded. If that wasn't bad enough, they were just about to engage their wormhole generator and link over when it happened. The explosion had caused an overload of power to flow to the wormhole generator, and they mis-linked. THe wormhole generator was sheared in half, with the other half somewhere else in space. Deep in interstellar space, Troy was able to triangulate their location from known pulsars, but that was a small comfort when they calculated how long it would take to cruise to where they could be rescued.

"I'm sorry Celle, It's the only way." Kat said, shrugging. "We're too far from the warp gates; we lost most of the reactors in the blast. Hibernation is the only way to get back. It won't take that long. Maybe a decade."

The humans had explored space for a long time before they found other sapients in the galaxy. Long enough to try out just about every different kind of way they could think of to shrink the distance between stars. Most other sapients think the humans insane for the different ways they made "canned mammal" and flung it into the abyss.

They assumed it was some human thing; a desire to leave their planet by any means necessary. They thought the humans were trying to escape. They were right, but not for the reason they thought. It wasn't escape the humans sought, but exploration. The need to see what was out there with their own eyes. The need to go somewhere new.

Among the more gossiping sapients were whispers that there were still human generation ships, soaring in the interstellar darkness between stars. Ships where whole cities of people grow up, live, love, and die just to be caretakers of their hibernating colonists. Being born, living, loving, creating the next generation, and dying not even knowing that their compatriots back home can now warp between stars in days and (for the truly in a hurry) punch holes in spacetime and link between planets with a wormhole. When asked, the human authorities get quiet and make noises that make it clear that this line of conversation is done.

Only the humans make wormholes, the other sapients shudder at the insanity of it, yet, will still use their systems when they need to be somewhere right away.

"Cellmenian?" It was City of Troy, the ship. "I do not have the printable mass to repair the wormhole generator, and even if I did, the reactor's destruction severely limited my power producing ability. I can thrust towards Parvati, but at this distance, it will be... a while before we get there. I am sorry."

"No!" Cellmenian was screaming now. "You can't consign me to spend however many years it takes for us to get to a place where we can be rescued when I...when I..." She broke down, sobbing. "When I have my family to get home to." She slid down to the deck, sitting rather than passing out, tears streaming from her large eyes. "This was supposed to be a one month trip!" She cried "One month!" Kat couldn't help but notice that the K'laxi cried just like humans did. She didn't mention it though, Celle was going through enough.

Kat sat down next to her friend and said nothing. After a while, she put her arm around the smaller sapient. "I'm sorry Celle." She whispered. "If I could wave a hand and fix it, I would."

They sat in silence together, the gravity of their situation pinning them to the floor.

"What about everyone else?" Celle asked.

"Unfortunately, many of them were caught in the blast." Troy said. "You, Kat, and a few others are all that is left. They are all preparing to enter hibernation as well."

"And you're just okay with this?" Celle's ears and tail were flicking in irritation. "Most of the crew is dead, and you're all being entirely too calm about it."

"Well, for one thing, we've had training." Kat said, gently. "We understand that even though we've been a spacefaring species for a long time, accidents still happen. Any trip we take could be our last, or could take so long that everyone we know is gone by the time we return." Kat sighed. "And for another thing, if we stop, we'll die too, Celle. We will mourn them when we're safe. For now though, we have to put it aside for our own survival."

"A beacon!" Celle stood suddenly, unsteady on her feet. "Why don't we link a beacon to Parvati for help?"

"Our supply of beacons was destroyed in the blast." Troy said. There was a touch of sadness in their voice. "I am making a note to recommend that emergency beacons be placed in other areas of the ship for future revisions."

"So that's it then." Celle said, sitting back down, her eyes welling with tears again. "I spend decades in a box, and when I awake, everyone I know is old or dead."

Kat said nothing, she just sat with Celle.

"Okay." Celle said, with a sniff. "If we're going to go into hibernation, I want to do it now. I want the shortest possible time conscious before I see my... family...again." as she blinked, more tears ran down her cheek.

"Well Troy?" Kat addressed the ship. "Are the hibernation berths printed?"

"Almost, Kat." the ship replied. "Luckily, I had some data from Contact about K'laxi needs in hibernation. You can both hibernate safely for the boost home. You'll climb into the cabinet, close the door, and before you realize what happened, the door will open, and you'll be at Parvati."

"Let's go then. No time like the present."

#writing #jpitha #sci fi writing #humans are deathworlders #humans and aliens #humans and ai #humans are space orcs

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phoenixcatch7 · 5 months ago

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Okay you know what actually yeah. I was tired but I had a point.

Why. On earth. In zelda fics. Do people not shut up about everything being hylia's fault forever and ever.

Like, the one deity out of a dozen odd who got cursed into this right alongside Link. All the focus on one great all being power who then gets blamed or blessed for everything that ever happens. It's just... I don't know, it just seems like a culturally Christian thing. Not even that - American catholic.

Especially Legend omg when people write him he never shuts up about how everything bad that's ever happened to him is all hylia's fault and she's doing it on purpose with no thought to her poor beleagured hero. He sounds like someone who grew up in an American conservative household who turned out to be queer and never bothered to unpack any of it and acts like he's now atheist.

But even then you could do something interesting with that!! The common headcanon that Legend is hylian royalty - of course that family would put immense worth and worship on hylia as her descendants, she who founded their kingdom. And maybe legend could feel bitter about not inheriting the magic, or the throne, or whatever meant he grew up away from the castle. Give him some unexamined religious trauma! Heck, he could bond with Flora over disappointing your family's expectations or something! They could work on unpacking it together! If you must make it part of his character at least think about why!

Because that belief is wrong, because hylia is literally the one deity we can pretty safely understand is not all seeing, all knowing, all being.

Every time she has a voice, a role, we see her make mistakes or be tricked and have regrets.

Skyward sword, she's literally zelda. She's a young protective warrior goddess (she used a sword and lead armies to battle against demise) who was created by the Three to guard the triforce and keep watch over hyrules lands. By the time ss starts she's already made several tough calls, not limited to yoinking hylians into the sky. When she was zelda she hated every second of leading Link around and even then!! It all hinged on him being completely willing! He was never forced to do anything, she didn't even have her memories with the plan until after she'd fallen to the surface! Their relationship was entirely genuine and she very nearly overestimated her own willingness to go through with the plan! And even then she still managed to get kidnapped lmao. That's not what happens when you're in charge of fate.

And in botw and totk - she's in her full divine form, her full divine powers, she's ancient and magic and worshipped in every corner of the kingdom. And (spoilers!) she loses contact with one of her own mf statues. Not just any ten apples high chibi statue you see in the towns, no, it's The Big One. She's got no idea what happened to it, but she's (rightfully) worried, and asks Link to check it out. And in an entirely separate instance, her OTHER big statue in the ToT gets overridden!! By a triangle head! And ol creep in the deep is the one who releases the statue! It's been what 20k years of power and worship - if she's not all powerful then she never will be.

Hyrule - every hyrule - is very, very polytheistic. She's not even a goddess of time to be in charge of stuff like that! There's multiple of them: Naryu, Cia (and Lana), Farosh to an extent, and many artifacts that can cause time travel, like the harp of ages, the ocarina, the big portal in ss, those time shift stones in the same game, the statue in wind waker. Please stop treating her like the magic elf equivalent of Monotheistic American Christianity God.

She was introduced in skyward sword. The game that came out before botw. She did not exist in any of the games that came before that. There was a lake hylia! In the kingdom hyrule! That's it! Her name or even existence wasn't even hinted at before that. It's actually canonically pretty unlikely any of the chain (cough cough legend) have even heard of her! And her assigned job is protector of the triforce. That's it. And she can't even use the thing. She can very explicitly as a main driving force of the ss plot not use the triforce she protects. And the triforce, shockingly, is not even in every game.

Cases that hylia often gets the most flack for (links awakening and all the trauma from that, Link failing in botw, the events of totk) hylia has absolutely zero part in. Hilariously. And she has zero power over wishes made to the triforce or who makes those wishes or what the triforce does about it.

She even gets all the blame for the cycle of the hero, the reincarnation! Which? We know exactly how that happened. Blaming her for a curse she herself is a victim to?? Demise, in skyward sword, explicitly, on screen, doing it ON PURPOSE, cursing the spirit of the hero and the blood of the goddess.

Hylia, I don't know if you've noticed, also has her own blood. Whether or not she lost that blood upon return to her divine form, she still couldn't break the curse. Link, spirit now tied to whatever demise had cooking up, is basically to reincarnate in time for whenever the Interesting Times happen. And it's demise's fault, who, again, did it on screen, on purpose, explicitly, pointing at the camera with text bolded and everything.

So why do people even blame her? I think it comes down to this:

Her name matches the kingdom. Whatever her connection to the people with the same name, I don't know, but she did found the surface kingdom as a mortal. Being named zelda at the time I wonder who chose the name XD!

Her worship in botk as a high ranking deity. Again, not monotheistic, there's temples to the Three and there's Malanya and Satori and the great fairies and the yiga worship ganon, but hylia is the most widespread for all she's basically a side character working for the new heart piece situation. Again, this is only the case in ss/botk, she doesn't appear in even aoc.

A misguided belief spread in fanfiction that in linked universe, hylia is the one opening and controlling the portals. To my knowledge, lu canon is that the portals are opened by dark link, or at least that's the working theory. I think it's assumed that hylia is the one who gathered the heroes together to combat it? If that's true? Congratulations! We have one (very plot necessary) act of hers in a fan comic. That is not canon to The Legend Of Zelda series.

An american Christian (I hesitate to say evangelican?) cultural understanding of religion. The differences between polytheism and monotheism. How one might feel if the divine was proven real on earth. Zelda is a Japanese property, it is not a Christian country. Though it draws aesthetic inspiration from western medieval fantasy it is not and never will be culturally western. The majority of ao3/tumblr users are American or at least English speaking, and that will always affect interpretation. It's giving 'be thankful to God no matter what for he always has a plan. Trust in him and your suffering will be rewarded' which is not a universal religious belief.

Something I've noticed to be surprisingly common in fandom, is where a mentor or figure of authority who is anything less than perfect or all forgiving can very quickly have their reputation ripped to shreds by the fandom. And then newer authors come, read those works, internalise that about the characters and produce new works that assume that character's cruelty to be par for the course. I will not be listing those characters or fandoms for a variety of reasons lol. But it is amazingly common and very hard to untangle, especially in larger fandoms. It's character bashing in a way near identical to cancelling people irl. It's not 'giving them depth' or 'making it more realistic' (grittier equalling realism is an ice cold take proliferated by dudebro comic authors and wrong besides.) Have some critical thinking.

Lately, I've also been running into a great many fics (not so much comics) that make hylia do some fairly heinous stuff... And then unironically blame her for it. They do remember they're the ones deciding what the characters do, right? She's not an abusive master playing with her puppets until they break, she's quite the opposite! Use the right tags (dark hylia/ooc characters/character bashing/author made them do it, idk) or dial it back. This is a growing percentage of fics and I'll never restrict content but yanno, if you're going to make hylia evil or manipulative at least understand it's a canon deviation (and do something interesting with it, I once read an amazing botw fic with evil hylia and fierce deity!).

TLDR, To summarise, hylia is canonically incapable both emotionally and physically of doing the majority of things characters in fics blame her for. Stop using her as a scapegoat especially when demise is right there. Please give your whumpees deeper characterisation than hating on hylia. Please give legend deeper characterisation than hating on hylia every time he or someone else is sad. Please remember wild can talk to hylia if he wants. Please double check anything you're not sure about :D!

#loz #legend of zelda #Loz hylia #hylia #goddess hylia #the legend of zelda #tloz #There's also the fact that like. Playing ooa/oos showed me a young adventurer of pure heart going into the almighty wish granter for only #Pure hearted people artifact room alone and immediately getting whisked away to a new adventure. Like.#That reads so very much as legend eagerly volunteering to go on more adventures to the point that he wished on the triforce!!!#Veeeeerry different depiction to fanon #Heck even in lu he's more sarcastic and hates seeing (the master sword) other people hurt than spiteful and abused #Speaking of I will not hear a word against jojo it's her amazing creation and dedication that built this fandom up and she's doing it free!#She is a fan creator with incredible attention to detail and her creative decisions in lu are very well researched and thought through #She is a cornerstone of the entire loz fandom and any differences of opinion are just that #lu chain #lu legend #linked universe #Oh yeah and I'm not counting the ss manga as canon.

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silverskye13 · 3 months ago

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Are saints allowed to serve their paladins, or is it mostly a one-way street? Are saints allowed to exist and act when unasked for?

Hmm. This turned a little rambling I apologise. Also I end up saying the word "domain" a lot, so in lieu of finding a good place to explain what I mean by domain, I'll just say it before the cut.

A Saint's "domain" is the thing about the universe they've learned to manipulate, using the faith of the people that believe in them. For large gods who maybe always started as concepts [Order of Remembrance for example], the domain is a broad concept like memory. If memory is involved, it will pull apart the universe to affect it. However, if it wanted to do some kind of miracle [calling a paladin to capture someone maybe, or healing a terrible wound], if doing so would have no effect on its domain, it could not affect change. Smaller saints might have more niche concepts attached to them. [Ie, I have a headcanon VintageBeef's hels is a Saint of Slaughter/Butchery, and is best followed by people who do hoglin hunts in hels. His following is small, and he channels his power for only This Specific Thing, and can affect nothing else.]

I think it depends a bit on the deity in question, and how much deification they get, whether their power is a physical two-way link. Something they use with the same proficiency they put into others.

Small Saints who have basically no followers, and have little to no idea what they stand for, or why, are basically Just Guys. They are Guys powered by someone else's faith, who have interesting powers that manifest on occasion, and they have a habit of collecting very dedicated friend groups. But they are still, at the end of the day, Just Guys. They can act when unasked for, they can help their priests and paladins literally, physically, or do the miracle they want to do themselves, because at that point, everything about them is small and personal, and human. If your neighborhood pastor could work a miracle under a set of memorized rules, and sometimes shook your hand and let you do it too, they would be a Small Saint.

[That's not to say a Small Saint isn't still powerful. They are people who can mess with the weave of the world. Anyone not prepared for that is going to get the shock of their life. Anyone who isn't a Saint who is channeling that, is going to suffer consequences. It's just that, a Small Saint could maybe channel through one person at a time, and they might not even know how they did it. *Coughing noises, glances at plot*]

Medium? Saints? Saints that have a following, that have too many people to have an individual relationship with, get a little more unfathomable and constrained. At some point, messing with the universe has repercussions for everyone. If the Hermits had a whole city of followers, they would default to this. The world looks different to them. They can see the edges, where infinity and coding lies. In hels, a Saint who reaches that point stops seeing people as people, and they themselves stop looking and feeling like people. They can affect several people at once. They can justify things like punishment, and creating a moral code for people to follow. Being able to balance between the universe and hels is more important. They could still intervene on someone's behalf, but it's no longer a personal decision, and now something measured in loyalty, faith, prayer. You are one person, and your Saint is changing the world for a dozen of you, but power has limits.

[I imagine Evil X is somewhere around here. He has creative mode. He knows he can break the world to his will. But he also still has a physical body, and can just walk across the room and move something. He's still a person, he's just a person who's taken on the Uncanny, and knows there are no true repercussions to his actions. He's not a kind Saint, if he can rightly be called one. I imagine he was very destructive when he discovered his power, and had to mellow out over time. His domain has to do with chaos, and breaking things for the sake of breaking them. He had to learn it's a power he can use, not a power he has to use.]

Big Saints [and gods], get eldritch. They don't really exist as people anymore. Maybe they went on pilgrimage one day and never returned, but an echo of them has manifested as something people can tap into now. Maybe they stayed a person as long as possible, but at some point so much faith elevated them into something Different, a change a simpler more human them would have feared, but they no longer remember that simpler person anymore. Instead they are the impulses and principles they ruled themselves and others by, and their only memories have narrowed into parables and legends that only show hints of the person they used to be. They can give their power to a select few people willingly, but they no longer go out of their way to intercede in their daily life. They have gifted a piece of themselves to someone, because that person can be trusted to use it well, but they won't mourn that person if they leave. One person is small in the eye of the universal.

To me, Helsknight's Saint of Blood and Steel is a large, old Saint, with a congregation that deals best with the impersonal. They are people looking to be swords in the hands of the divine, so their Saint treats them as such. If the Saint had no congregation, as a deity always looking for a sword, they would act on their own until they found someone willing, but they would always be looking for a sword.

I also feel like some of how personal and two-way the connection is, is dependent on the nature of the domain.

Tanguish, if he ever becomes a true Saint with a following, doesn't know what his domain is. All he knows is, Helsknight promised to protect him, and so when he needed help, he Called, and Helsknight Answered. It was terrifying. He pulled a thread of the universe and used it to change what should have happened. If Helsknight were suffering, as someone who is human, who can't even see the threads they're pulling, Tanguish would do everything he could to help, and if he stumbled into his domain along the way, he would use it for that purpose. The power he has, whatever it is, can be genuinely harmful when used, because helsmets were not made to feel the full force of the universe -- something that already seeks to devour them on principle. He is someone who just found out that sometimes, seemingly randomly, he touches a person and they're struck by lightning. Whether they willingly touched him, and whether he would willingly take the lightning strike in their place, isn't exactly the current issue.

The God of Memory, whatever gives the Blue Lady her paladin powers, probably feels small and personal despite coming from a large idea and probably never being human. Its domain is Remembrance, and that implies something that tries to be personal despite how Eldritch it is. When its power is channeled, it always harms the channeler grandly and dramatically [the Blue Lady saying a small prophesy and being blinded by ink is a very light repercussion. It doesn't know what humanity is. It doesn't know what a body is. Or eating or drinking, or that someone who needs crutches to walk can't just drop them and not hurt muscle and bone. It just knows its will is needed so it acts. It is learning. It doesn't want to lose its followers, because it wants to form long, lasting memories of them. But it will break a lot of people before it learns limits.]

Meanwhile, the Saint of Blood and Steel definitely started as a person. They have an origin point [the plot will get there someday], they even have a Known Ascension. But they are a Saint to things like Vengeance and Justice, distant concepts that are best when they're not personal, a swinging sword that Exacts A Price. Channeling them will damage because the nature of the power is damaging, but they temper that by only calling people for a cause worthy of dying for. If there is a chance jumping off a cliff will break your legs, they will first guarantee there's a reason to get to the bottom. The Saint of Blood and Steel knows who they are, and knows that every knight or paladin or priest to pass through their halls is, almost certainly, doomed. They might have tried to save a few, long ago when they were something closer to human, but now they know a universal truth: whether they succeed or fail in saving anyone, whoever served them will have done it willingly, and there will always be someone along to replace them. When a sword is broken, you do not mourn the sword. You pick up another. Though you may grow melancholy for something cared for, now lost.

No matter how large, or loved, or powerful a Saint is, the Universe will always be more so. It has to be. If every helsmet had to become a Saint to hold a fraction of the potential a Hermit has, and every Hermit has faith in the universe, in the fact that it exists, that it speaks to them when they fight the monsters in the world, that it loves them, the Universe will always be bigger than even the largest hels-born Saint could fathom.

#rns asks #archetypal-archivist #hels worldbuilding #rns worldbuilding #probably talked too much on this one #i feel like im dancing on plot spoilers #im not #this is at most flavor text #but its like. explicitly stating concepts that havent even been sniffed at in canon yet

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pearwaldorf · 1 year ago

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I have heard of Hbomberguy and the "why Sherlock sucks" but had not actually watched any of his stuff until today. The recent plagiarism video is long and extremely good:

youtube

The main bulk of the video is about James Somerton, a video essayist who I was only vaguely familiar with. I watched the Our Flag Means Death video he made and thought it felt kind of flimsy, and moved on with my life.

Turns out he's been lifting words from other published sources, many of them queer writers who were paid freelance rates or possibly nothing at all. This is a screenshot of the transcription of the video he did on queer horror (ID in alt):

I have legit never seen this level of plagiarism before. I am honestly surprised these videos sound thematically coherent at all, given the variety of sources he's cribbed them from. (There's a lot you can say about queer horror, and not all of it is going to overlap.)

The thing I don't understand is that given how much work it must have been to compile these sources, he could have done all the fucking reading himself and synthesized it in his own words. He could have just thrown up a Pastebin of links he consulted and nobody would have noticed.

One of the reasons plagiarists steal is because they have no respect for the effort put into the work or people who do said work. A (presumably cis) white man stealing the words from other queer people, many of them economically marginalized and/or of color? I'm going to say that probably figured into it.

I don't know how much he made, but it was a significant fucking amount. That's money he took from the mouths of other queer people who are probably way worse off. That's discoveries of ideas and words people have been denied because they thought they were his.

(Hbomberguy is donating proceeds from this video to as many people who Somerton ripped off as he can track down. It's absolutely not his problem, and I imagine it's going to be a bitch and a half to identify and contact all these people. It is a mitzvah, in both the colloquial and religious sense, to do this.)

And as marginalized people, we know that context (historical, global, personal) is important, sometimes essential. Removal of that information greatly hampers comprehension and understanding in ways we are already limited or denied.

It feels like a deeply personal betrayal because we like to think we (as in people who have this particular trait or share a community) are all above cynical sociopathic bullshit. But [trait/thing] people are people, and sometimes people fucking suck. I regret to say that despite knowing this in my head, my emotions do not always remember.

#plagiarism #james somerton #hbomberguy #pear text #Youtube

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blossom-hwa · 3 months ago

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a very fine line, indeed [6] | c.bg

pairing: Beomgyu x fem!reader genre: fluff, angst, enemies to lovers, regency era!au, nobility!au warnings: cursing, period typical misogyny word count: 11k notes: — updates every M/W/F at 8pm EST until the series finishes — inspiration taken from an amalgamation of different bridgerton stories - let me know what easter eggs you find! — story takes place in the same universe as my duke!yeonjun and earl!taehyun fics - check out the link to the series below for some more easter eggs :) In a society where it only takes a year for a young woman in search of a husband to be considered out of season, it is no wonder that by your third year out, you are desperate to marry. Known as one of the beauties of the ton, such a task should not be difficult for you—but with an absent father, no dowry, and a reputation centered around your inability to keep your mouth shut around one certain Beomgyu Choi, your prospects are more limited than you’d like. While you cannot recover your family or your wealth, however, the one thing you can try to control is your reputation. So when the third season rolls around, you resolve to keep your distance from Beomgyu Choi, your childhood enemy, and the man you hate most in the world. Enter Beomgyu Choi, second son of the Kensington Viscountcy, one of the most eligible bachelors in the ton. His older brother, cousin, and good friend have all recently married, leaving the mamas to salivate at his doorstep for the chance of marrying one of their daughters to him. When Beomgyu walks in on a particularly traumatizing moment between you and one of the most unsavory men in the ton and learns of your desperation to marry, despite your history of enmity, he proposes you a devious deal—to pretend to court you. It seems like a winning situation for both of you—more gentlemen will take notice of you, enhancing your prospects, and he will have the ton’s mamas off his back—and so, despite your misgivings, you agree. With you hell bent on marriage and Beomgyu completely indifferent to the concept, even independent of your hatred for each other, it seems unlikely that any sort of true affection will bloom. But as you begrudgingly put aside your differences to spend more and more time in one another’s company, and as you grow to know each other beyond your ill-conceived preconceptions from childhood, you begin to realize that perhaps you two have more in common than you had once thought. And as your faked acquaintanceship becomes more truth than fiction, a friendship beginning to bloom most unexpectedly— Perhaps you no longer need to convince the ton of the veracity of your courtship, because anyone with eyes can see that it is true. Part 5 >> Part 6 >> Part 7

Series Masterlist | TXT Masterlist

When Beomgyu wakes up in the morning, he decides he is never going to sleep again.

Not truly, of course. Even in school he was never able to stay up all night to study, something Taehyun did often with ease. But if his sleep is going to be as restless as it has been for the past two weeks, then he’d almost rather not sleep at all so that the dreams can’t find him.

The dreams are what really are going to kill him.

How many times will Beomgyu have to relive that kiss—the moments before, the awkwardness after? How many times must he feel your lips against his, hear your little moans into his mouth, see your eyes fluttered shut as he holds you to him closely, so closely? Not to mention when his dreams go a little further than reality did and he ends up even closer to you than he ever could have imagined before…

God, he thinks about you too much. Dreams about you too much. Through his dreams alone Beomgyu almost thinks he could trace the planes of your face, your neck, your torso, onto paper, or shape it from a lump of clay. He sees you nearly every day, if not in person, then through visions at night.

It’s torture.

Beomgyu groans, rolling over in his bed. He’s never thought of a single person this way—never wanted anyone like this—and it’s screwing up his whole life. He doesn’t know how he survived the Bridgerton ball without you noticing anything. The entire time you were dancing, he could hardly stop thinking about kissing you right then and there.

He was so grateful, too, when you spoke to him of being friends. Of truly leaving your grudges in the past, and continuing to see each other not for the sake of the deal but just for being friendly with one another. He certainly didn’t have the courage to say anything about it which just makes you even more admirable in his estimation, not to mention that you did all that while apparently being terrified that he would view you with derision if you tried.

Did you enjoy his company that much? Did you truly like him so?

Even the idea that the answer to those questions might yes makes him want to smile like a child in a candy shop, and that terrifies him.

All of this terrifies him. It’s hardly an exaggeration. He’s come to so many realizations about you over the past few months that just thinking about all of it gives him a headache. You are not the person he once believed you were, just as he said at the Bridgerton ball. You are vivacious, you are kind, and you have a wicked sense of wit that keeps him easily entertained. You are intelligent, honorable, and lovely not only on the outside, but in your heart as well. You are far more than the arguments you used to have in years past.

Beyond that, though, you like him. You wanted to be friends. And you were brave enough to admit it, even with years of hostility and distrust behind you, which means you cared for him on a level deeper than perhaps either of you ever believed possible. Beomgyu should feel over the moon because of this.

Instead, he just finds himself wanting more.

It’s the stupid kiss’s fault. He resists the urge to throw his pillow across the room. He shouldn’t have offered, shouldn’t have played along, shouldn’t have gone with you until it was too late, but—it wasn’t supposed to mean anything. You were going to stop seeing each other in less than a month. It shouldn’t have mattered to him or to you.

Yet here he is, dreaming about the kiss, and wanting something more than friendship.

Wanting. Beomgyu isn’t accustomed to want, as shameful as it is to say. He’s always been provided for, has always been given access to his basic needs and far more. He had a loving father and still has a loving mother. He has a wonderful brother, though he’ll never admit it, and his sister in law has only ever brought good things to his life. He has a good cousin. He has very good friends. He has never wanted anything more than what he currently has.

But now…he wants you in a way that friendship won’t fulfill. And he doesn’t know what to do about it.

He still doesn’t know what to do about it later that night when the family carriage pulls up in front of Lady Park’s home for a dinner party, the lights in her windows bright and warm and in stark contrast to the anxiety that’s been building in his blood throughout the entire day. You’re supposed to be here tonight and if Beomgyu knows anything about Lady Park, she’ll seat you two together for her own entertainment. Half of him rejoices. The other half of him wants to keel over and die.

“You look constipated,” Soobin says as the carriage rolls to a stop. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” Beomgyu scowls, which probably makes him look even more constipated. He can’t tell Soobin that he’s nervous, because then he’d have to explain exactly why he’s nervous, and he isn’t ready to go into that with anyone. Not even himself. “I’m not constipated.”

“Good for you.” His brother’s wife smiles at him serenely and Beomgyu wonders exactly why he wanted them to get together so badly. They’re both menaces to him and to society and combined, they have some synergistic effect on him that’s more than awful. He almost wishes they would go back to pining for each other in secret. At least then they didn’t have time to tease him nearly as much. “Settle your expression so it doesn’t look like it, though, or Lady Park is going to have a field day with you.”

Beomgyu does manage to relax his face, but his mood improves very little as they enter the hall. In fact, it takes a downturn as he looks around and can’t find you among the small crowd of people milling about the entryway. On one hand this is a good thing—he doesn’t have to deal with your eyes staring back at him, your terribly kissable lips curving into smiles and frowns and every other micro-expression you have in your arsenal— but on the other hand, seeing you is half of the reason he’s here.

“Mr. Choi!”

Ah. And there’s the other half of the reason.

Beomgyu pastes a smile on his face that isn’t entirely faked as Lady Arina Park comes walking up, her cane thumping ominously on the ground. “Lady Park,” he says politely, bowing in greeting. Soobin and his wife have somehow managed to vanish and he curses them with every ounce of his being for leaving him to deal with her alone. “Thank you for inviting my family and I tonight.”

“Of course I invited you.” Her eyes glint, and Beomgyu is reminded why he finds this old woman so terrifying. She must be in her seventies or even her eighties, but even in her old age with her stooped walk and her cane, she remains as sharp as ever. Beomgyu shudders to wonder what a force she was in society when she was younger. “You, Mr. Choi, are one of the only people in this ton with an ounce of wit in their head. You were one of the first people I put on the invite list, along with that girl of yours…Miss L/N.” She clicks her tongue while Beomgyu just blinks. “What are the chances of you two bringing down the house tonight, Mr. Choi? Can I expect some marvelous entertainment from the two of you?”

“…We’re courting, Lady Park,” Beomgyu gets out. He’s almost certain she knew this already.

“Oh, I already knew that.” She waves her hand dismissively and Beomgyu just feels stupid. “I wanted to hear it from your own tongue. I could hardly believe it when I found out, you know. Your, ah, discussions, had been my greatest entertainment in years.” She sighs, as though remembering some good old days, then leans in to Beomgyu almost conspiratorially. “Though I suppose it makes sense. The line between hatred and love is always finer than anyone believes it to be.”

“Love?” Beomgyu splutters. The wit that Lady Park mentioned before seems to have abandoned him entirely as he tries to remember how to breathe. “Lady Park, that is hardly—”

“Ah, is that your lady?” Lady Park’s eyes narrow on something behind him. Beomgyu turns to see you entering the hall, looking vaguely uncertain until you meet his eyes. Your expression breaks into a smile that only grows wider when you see the woman standing next to him.

“She’s hardly my lady,” Beomgyu says, though he can’t hide his own smile at seeing you.

“Delusion doesn’t suit you, Mr. Choi.” And as he’s reeling from that statement, she thumps her cane against the floor and grabs his arm with surprising strength. “I believe I will accompany you to her. I should like to speak to the girl myself.”

Beomgyu tries to convey his apology through his eyes as the two of you draw near, but you don’t seem to be the slightest bit terrified or even hesitant to see Lady Park hanging off his arm. “Lady Park. Mr. Choi.” You curtsy, the smile on your face unwavering. “Lovely to see you both.”

“And lovely to see you too, my dear.” Lady Park reaches out to give you a fond sort of pat on the cheek and Beomgyu just gapes. He’s never seen her outwardly display such affection before. “I was just telling Mr. Choi that I should like to see some entertainment from the two of you tonight.”

You blink. “Um, Lady Park. We are courting.”

“I know that,” she huffs. “Why is it that both of you seem to think I am daft?” Before either of you can apologize, though, she’s plowing on with her next comment. “Watching you interact is already marvelous enough. I never thought I would see the day that you two could stand in the same room civilly, let alone be courting. And I have been in society with you two for over twenty years!”

Beomgyu has no idea what to say to that. Judging by your expression, you don’t seem to either.

“I could shed a tear.” Lady Park lets go of Beomgyu’s arm—damn, he didn’t realize how tight her grip was until it was gone—to wipe something away from the corner of her eye. Beomgyu would bet five quid that it was fake. “That two of the people in this ton with a reasonable amount of wit should court and potentially raise families that will be surely be the ton’s sole source of intelligence from now and forever on…oh, if I were capable of crying in my old age, I would already be doing it by now.”

You open your mouth, then close it. Beomgyu would try to help, but he is still trying to process the fact that Lady Park expects you two to raise a family.

“With all due respect, Lady Park,” you finally say, a carefully blank smile affixed to your expression, “I think you might be getting somewhat ahead of yourself here.”

“I am never ahead of myself, Miss L/N.” She sniffs. “I say what I see how I see it.”

For some reason, Beomgyu almost laughs. “That was never in doubt, my lady.”

“Take care to keep it that way.” She gives him a threatening little smile that, despite her age, makes Beomgyu want to take a step back. “Well, Mr. Choi, Miss L/N, I should love to stay in your company for the rest of the night—” Beomgyu hardly bites back a shudder—“but alas, my duties as a hostess precede me. Mr. Choi.” She turns to him sharply. “Do take care not to offend Miss L/N. I do not believe I need to be the one to tell you that letting her go would be the biggest mistake of your short life.” With a parting whack of her cane to his calves, she disappears into the crowd, leaving Beomgyu to stumble forward with the force of her smack almost right into you.

“Careful,” you say, steadying him with a hand. Your eyes twinkle. “How hard did she hit you?”

“Hard enough,” he mutters, trying not to fall over again at the touch of your skin against his. God, between Lady Park saying he’d be remiss to lose you and her speculations about a possible family, he’s losing his mind. “Apologies for letting her accost you. She insisted on accompanying me the moment she saw you.”

“No apologies needed. I quite like her.” You grin. “Do you not?”

“I certainly don’t dislike her,” Beomgyu replies. He shudders a little. “But you can’t deny that she’s terrifying.”

“In the best of ways,” you agree. “She’s hilariously witty. I want to be like her when I’m older.”

Beomgyu glances at you sidelong. “I don’t think you’ll have much trouble with that.”

“��I’ll take that as a compliment.” You take his proffered arm. Beomgyu tries very, very hard not to notice the way your lips curve when you smile anyway. “I like her.”

“She also seems to like you.” He raises an eyebrow. “If her saying that I would be an idiot to lose you is anything to go by.”

“And that might be the greatest compliment of all.” You turn a little towards the crowd and Beomgyu’s heart does a little skip of panic when you tug his arm and it feels as though you might pull away. Good Lord, he needs to get a hold of himself—he’s gone two weeks without you suspecting anything strange on his part and he doesn’t intend to break that streak anytime soon, at least not before he’s figured out his own thoughts first. You don’t let go anyway so he feels stupid for panicking in the first place. “It looks like everyone is going inside,” you say, apparently oblivious to his internal turmoil. “Shall we follow them to dinner?”

Beomgyu survives the meal. He survives sitting next to you for the best part of two hours, watching you eat and talk all the while with that lovely smile on your face. He survives having to talk to you for the entire two hours and doesn’t spit out any food every time he remembers that Lady Park expects you two to have a family, to have children.

What he very nearly does not survive, however, is when he is talking to you in the drawing room when the men have rejoined the women after they’ve drunk their port, and Lord Cho comes up to steal you away from the conversation.

Beomgyu notices him eyeing you first from across the room. “Lord Cho incoming,” he says, and he only manages a half smile to indicate that this is a joke. Or at least that it was meant to be, because he doesn’t feel much like smiling.

You glance at him. “I don’t understand why you don’t like him,” you say frankly. “He’s very nice. At least he seems genuinely interested when he speaks to me, unlike many others I could name.”

Beomgyu shrugs. He wishes he knew why too, but he can’t exactly explain why Lord Cho gives him that slightly slimy feeling that puts him off so. Outwardly there was nothing amiss with their conversation the first and only time they spoke, but everything about it still felt all wrong. “He seems nice,” he agrees. “But just because he’s nice doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take precaution as you do with all the other men who might seek your hand.”

“As I should have done with you?” you ask, raising an eyebrow. A teasing smile plays on your lips and in a moment of weakness, Beomgyu imagines kissing it off.

He pinches himself hard. Maybe he needs to get a brain replacement. “Well, I think you have already seen many of the worst parts of me,” he says superciliously. You laugh and he preens a little for having been the cause of it. “So I don’t know how much more precaution you must take around me. You have already proven yourself quite capable of fighting back.”

“Might I take that as a compliment?”

Despite himself, Beomgyu smiles. “Yes, you may.”

“Then I’ll thank you for that.” You take the last sip of water from your glass and place it on a nearby empty tray. “And I’ll take your advice, Beomgyu. I appreciate it, though I don’t know how warranted it is.”

Beomgyu tamps down the stupid thrill that rushes up his spine when he hears his name from your voice. It’s not that hard to hide this time, not with Lord Cho’s approach dimming his mood already. “Just be careful, is all,” he says quietly, just before Lord Cho makes the last step into conversational range.

“Miss L/N. Mr. Choi.” Lord Cho makes a polite bow. Against his will, Beomgyu moves slightly to include him in your small group. “I haven’t had the chance to speak to either of you tonight.”

“A pity that Lady Park had us seated on opposite ends of the table,” Beomgyu says, not really meaning it.

You shoot him a sidelong glance which tells him you heard all of the indifference in his tone, but he doesn’t really care. You look more amused than annoyed with him, anyway. “A pity indeed,” you echo, giving a short curtsy. “How are you, Lord Cho? You look rather well.”

“Better now that you’ve been so kind to me.” Lord Cho smiles, and Beomgyu fights the urge to roll his eyes. Maybe this is why he doesn’t like Lord Cho—he’s never been one to stomach flirting, at least not as outright as this. “It seems Mr. Choi has quite kept your attentions this evening. Would it be remiss if I stole some of your time?”

“Of course not.” You smile prettily before taking his arm. “Mr. Choi, I shall see you later tonight or sometime soon, I am sure.”

“And I, you,” he says, smiling directly at you. He doesn’t bother looking at Lord Cho and the other man doesn’t seem to care as he turns you to another corner of the room. Beomgyu watches you leave on his arm, then decides he doesn’t care much for the scene and goes to get another glass of whiskey. He suddenly very much feels like he needs it.

Soobin sidles up to him as he picks up a glass from a servant’s passing tray. “Well, you look like you have a mouthful of sour grapes,” he says, and Beomgyu nearly spills his drink all over both of them. “Hey, watch out!”

“You watch out,” Beomgyu hisses, cradling the glass to his chest. “You’re the one who startled me.”

“Well, if you weren’t so busy glaring holes into Lord Cho’s back, you might have noticed me approaching.” Soobin sniffs. “What did he do to you this time?”

Beomgyu groans. “Of course she told you.”

“What, my wife? She tells me everything.” Soobin smirks. “Including that you might have felt a pinch of jealousy towards the man who’s talking to the woman you’ve decided to court this season.”

Annoying as Soobin is, his words throw a splash of cold water over Beomgyu’s thoughts. He isn’t courting you. Not really. Even though you decided to continue seeing each other, it isn’t because you wanted him to pursue you for real. It was because you wanted to be friends. He has no business feeling like this, wanting to kiss you, feeling annoyed when someone else steals you away. He can’t even put it down to just blatant uneasiness about Lord Cho anymore because even if that unease might still exist, to say that there is no jealousy whatsoever would just be a lie. “I regret the two of you ever realizing your feelings for each other,” is all he manages to say around the sick feeling growing in his stomach.

“You’re the one who complained about suffering in silence amidst all the pining,” Soobin points out. “Though if I may—”

“You may not.”

“—I’d say I understand your frustration, now.” Soobin glances across the room where you’re chatting animatedly with Lord Cho and a few others, then back at Beomgyu. “This tension is unbearable.”

“There is no tension,” Beomgyu snaps.

“Beomgyu, I may not have your gift for discerning personalities at a glance, but I’m not daft.” Soobin fixes him with a deadpan stare. “You clearly feel something for the girl. Whether that feeling is a simple interest or something more, I will not presume—I would like to believe you know yourself better than I—but there is something there. I only wonder why you have done nothing about it yet.”

Oh, if only he knew. Beomgyu barely suppresses a scoff. “And you are so knowledgeable about love?” he snaps. He’s lashing out because he’s angry and frustrated, he knows, but in this moment, God he doesn’t care. “It took you years to realize that you were in love with your wife!”

Surprisingly, Soobin looks more amused by Beomgyu’s outburst than angry at his tone. “First of all, I never said anything about love.” He waits a moment for Beomgyu’s spluttering to stop, then continues. “Second of all, though it may have taken me a long time, at least I did realize it in the end.”

Beomgyu raises a sardonic eyebrow. “And how, exactly, did you realize it?”

“I realized that every moment I was away, I wanted to be with her,” Soobin says seriously, either not hearing or completely ignoring Beomgyu’s sarcastic tone. Beomgyu is inclined to believe the latter option. “When I did not have her attention, I wanted it. When I was with her, I was happier than I believed I ever could be.”

Involuntarily, Beomgyu’s gaze flashes towards where you are speaking with Lord Cho right now, that pretty little smile on your face. His heart spasms and he finds himself with the passing thought that he’d much rather that smile be directed at him. That he dislikes that it’s being directed at someone else. Specifically Lord Cho.

“I do not claim to know your heart or your thoughts with any certainty,” Soobin says. From the way he’s looking at him, Beomgyu gathers that he noticed the glance. “But I would implore you to make any decisions you need to make before it is too late. And, Beomgyu.” He smiles teasingly, which Beomgyu does not appreciate for even a second. “It would do you well to remember that the line between hatred and love can be a very fine line, indeed.”

. . . . .

After the fifth time you stab yourself with a needle, Soyoung removes the embroidery from your hands. You barely put up a struggle. It’s late, it’s dark, and all you can really do is stare at the small bead of blood welling up from the pad of your finger, deep red in the flickering candlelight.

“What’s wrong with you?” Soyoung asks. You’ve always liked working with her in the dark of night—she becomes more casual, lets her words and laughter flow more easily as though the darkness erases some of the social barriers between you two. But right now, you wish you were alone. Your thoughts are hard enough to unravel as it is. You don’t know how to explain any of it to yourself, much less to someone else.

“Nothing.” You shake yourself out of your daze and reach for your embroidery. Another dress, hopefully one of the last you’ll have to remake for the season—you’re not sure you have it in you to put together much more before the season is out. Each one already takes up so much time. “Soyoung, please give it back.”

She narrows her eyes at you. You’d smile if you weren’t so tired. “Not until you tell me what is bothering you so, Miss L/N,” she finally says, though she slides you a small towel to wipe off your finger. “You’re usually never this careless, especially not with your own clothing.”

Suddenly you’re tired. So tired. Between the whirlwind of society events and doing the household chores and keeping up your ruse with Mr. Choi—Beomgyu—you’ve barely had a moment’s time to truly relax. To breathe. You barely have time to sleep. Makeup can only hide your dark circles so many times and you’re already running out of your concealing powder. You’ve counted the remnants of your pin money and you hate the amount you’re going to have to set aside for more powder but there’s no choice but to do it. And what little time you do have to yourself after the days are all done and over now has to be spent on refurbishing your old gowns because you have no money to buy new ones.

All of this, and you still have to contend with emotions. Feelings. Desires and wants that you have no right to have and that you really don’t want to have, but that you do anyway. It is an incredibly annoying situation and you are tired of having to deal with said emotions, because they are really getting in the way of things that are very important. Like marriage.

You try to put your face in your hands and very nearly poke your eye out with the needle you’re still holding. You can’t even muster the energy to glare at it, not in light of yesterday’s events. When you accepted Lord Cho’s invitation to promenade that afternoon, you had thought little of it. He’s a suitor. A nice one at that. This is normal. To be expected.

You did not expect him to hint at a proposal.

Everything logical tells you that you should be happy about this. After two seasons of despairing you will ever be married, you finally have a hint that you will really receive a proposal from a very eligible gentleman who will be certain to take you far from this place. You want to be happy. You really do. But you aren’t, at least not nearly as much as you should be, and you don’t know why.

Actually, that’s a lie. You know exactly why. You wanted someone else to propose.

You wanted Beomgyu to propose.

Which is—insanity. Your courtship isn’t even real. It doesn’t matter if you are friends now—none of the presents, none of the dances, none of that meant anything. Not even the kiss. You knew you had felt something after the kiss but you put it down to it quite literally being the first time you kissed someone. Of course anyone would feel butterflies in their stomach for days after that. Right? Right.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to matter if that’s true. What does matter is that the kiss wasn’t apparently just a kiss for you.

Candlelight flickers in the dark, throwing strange shadows on Soyoung’s face. “Miss L/N?” she asks softly.

You feel close to tears. It’s too late and it’s too dark and you’re feeling far too many things right now for you to process. You should be happy to marry Lord Cho, so happy. But now all you can feel is dread for the next time you will see him, because while you know the answer you will give him must be in the affirmative, you know that you won’t be happy with it.

When did you start feeling this way about Beomgyu? When did you start liking him beyond just the basic acquaintanceship, then the tentative friendship? When did you start wondering, however subconsciously, whether you could live a life with him that wouldn’t just be filled with screaming and arguments? It wasn’t just the kiss. That may have been the final straw. But you know yourself, and you must be honest with yourself right now, and you know that that wasn’t when it all started.

Maybe it will begin to make sense if you try to speak of it.

You choose your words very carefully. “I may receive a proposal in a short time.”

Soyoung’s entire face lights up. “Oh, truly? That is wonderful!” Her voice feels brighter than the candle and it makes you head hurt a little. “I was honestly expecting it since you’d been spending so much time with him, but now that Mr. Choi has all but confirmed it—”

Mr. Choi?

“Soyoung.” You interrupt her excited exclamation, a very strange feeling in your stomach. “Soyoung, why do you think it was Mr. Choi?”

She stops midway through a word, her mouth still open like she plans to finish it. You watch her open and close it several times in the ensuing silence, her expression morphing into confusion. “Is it not?” she finally asks. Her voice is much smaller.

“No.” You shake your head. “It was Lord Cho.”

“…Oh.” She doesn’t sound so enthused about him, and that reaction just intensifies the strange, sick feeling still roiling in your stomach.

You two sit in silence for a moment. Soyoung’s hand has gone slack, but you can’t find it in you to take your embroidery back. You probably wouldn’t even be able to do anything with it even if you had it—at least nothing beyond stabbing yourself another five times on accident. “Do you not like Lord Cho?” you eventually ask, though you’re not sure you want to hear the answer.

“It’s not that I don’t like him!” Soyoung frantically shakes her head. “He seems to be a nice man. But that one time he asked about Mr. Choi…”

You remember that moment and how uncomfortable it was. How cornered you felt, how the intensity in Lord Cho’s voice and eyes made you tense up in…not fear, not exactly, but wariness at the least. You didn’t enjoy that conversation even after the tension was cut. Soyoung was there and confirmed then and now that whatever that was, it wasn’t normal.

But it only happened once. Lord Cho has never given you any reason to be wary of him since, and if it weren’t for Beomgyu’s insistence that you remain on your guard you’d probably have relaxed around him entirely by now. He wouldn’t hurt you, you’re sure. At least not in the way that Mr. Thompson would. And anyway, it is entirely understandable that one suitor might be wary or want to know more about another. While you may not have appreciated the way Lord Cho went about to get that information, you think you can understand why he did it.

So why does Soyoung still have so many apprehensions?

“It was only one time,” you say, uneasy. “You’ve been with me and him before. He hasn’t done anything strange since.”

“Yes, but…” Soyoung looks down, fiddling with her needle and a little bit of thread. “I don’t know. You do seem happy around him. He seems to be a good man. You would likely be very happy if you married him.”

For all the certainty of Soyoung’s words, her voice only thinly hides a current of wariness just beneath the surface. You debate for a moment whether or not to press her on the topic—have her explain why she dislikes Lord Cho so. But you decide not to. She doesn’t seem to know herself.

It reminds you of Beomgyu, when he was trying to explain the same thing to you.

You return to your original question. “Why did you think it was Mr. Choi?”

“Well, you just…you just always seemed so happy around him. Not always in the beginning, but even then, you were always…yourself.” She glances around the room like she’s afraid someone else will hear. “Even when you were arguing. You didn’t try to hide that part of yourself like you would have around others. And when you were just talking with him, your smiles were genuine. You didn’t try to be pretty around him the way you do with Lord Cho. Especially recently, whenever you look at him…I don’t know. You look at him like he’s the only one in the room."

The sick feeling in your stomach intensifies. You feel like you might throw up.

“And he looks at you the same way,” Soyoung continues, apparently oblivious to your growing sense of dread. “He didn’t do it before but now he’s always smiling, even when you two argue. It seems like he’s not arguing with you to hurt you anymore. It’s more like…he just wants to keep talking to you. No matter what.” She pauses, and then her voice lowers. “He gave you gloves.”

Stricken, you can barely even nod to confirm her statement.

“I don’t know who would perform such a gesture for anyone they didn’t love,” Soyoung says, almost as though she’s in awe. “When I saw that, I just…I thought there was no way he didn’t love you then.”

You seriously might throw up. You—you tricked her. You tricked Soyoung. You tricked the whole ton—you knew you would, that was the entire plan, but somehow, hearing it from Soyoung, one of your closest friends, that she really thought you were in love…

Suddenly you can’t stand it.

“It wasn’t real.” You force the words out one by one, horrible relief coating your voice as Soyoung’s eyes widen. “None of it was real, Soyoung.” In as few sentences as you can, you tell her about the deal, about how you two conspired to trick the ton for the sake of winning you more suitors and discouraging his small army of followers, about how it succeeded. You don’t say anything about the kiss. You don’t say anything about being friends.

You don’t say anything about the sick feeling in your stomach that rose to your chest when she said there was no way he didn’t love you.

After you finish, silence descends upon the table. The candle burns low but you can’t move yourself to replace it, just watch the wax melt slowly, slowly, until the moon provides more light than the flame. Soyoung switches between staring at the candle and staring at you. She doesn’t say anything.

“You can’t tell anyone,” you finally say, the warning rough in your throat. “I’m serious, Soyoung.”

She blinks. Shakes her head slightly, like shaking off a daze. “Of course I won’t,” she replies, and you immediately feel bad about doubting her. “I’m sorry. I just—it seemed so real.” She shakes her head again and you can’t tell if the disappointment in that movement is directed towards you or the situation at hand. Maybe both. “If I didn’t know that you would never lie to me, I wouldn’t have believed you.”

The room is too stifling. Too hot. Never mind that there’s only one candle barely burning and you’re wrapped in a blanket. You rise from your seat on stiff legs to open the window. The sudden burst of cold air hits you like a hammer and forces you to think.

Soyoung’s words made you feel sick because they were true—at least on your end. You can say nothing about Beomgyu and how he feels. But it is true that you haven’t really felt that you had to hide anything around him. It’s just as he said before, as yourself have thought before—you’ve seen the worst of him and he’s seen the worst of you. There isn’t much left to hide if anything at all. You think less about your words, care less about your appearance—you certainly feel freer around him, more able to express yourself than around anyone else.

You swallow. Soyoung said you never tried to be “pretty” around him, like you did with Lord Cho. You unfortunately do have an idea of what she means. To nearly everyone in the ton, you are just a pretty face with no dowry to accompany it, which means you’ve had to rely on that pretty face to get you where you need to be. It’s not extremely effective, which tells you exactly what you need to know about how much money is valued in this society, but that’s not the point. The point is that you’ve never been able to let that pretty little façade drop around anyone, because that is your main selling feature. Your beauty.

Only you don’t have to hold that façade up around Beomgyu.

Against your will, the kiss comes back to mind. Cool air rushes over your face but even then, your cheeks start to warm with the memory. God. None of this would have happened if you hadn’t been idiotic enough to go down that train of thought with a man with whom you were about to separate in just a few short weeks. Instead, you got caught up in the moment, had your first kiss, dreamed about it for days (and unfortunately you are still dreaming of it), and then begged him to be your friend so you at least wouldn’t have to stop seeing him ever again. What kind of idiot does that?

An idiot in love.

You grip the blanket tighter around your shoulders. Maybe you really are in love with him.

The heavens really must be having a good laugh at you right now.

“Miss L/N?” Soyoung’s voice brings you back to earth, the call of your name soft and uncertain. “Are you all right? It’s quite cold.”

You look down and realize that for all you felt stifled before, you’re now shivering under the blanket. You let Soyoung help you close the window and light a new candle. The flame dances cheerfully in the dark, a stark contrast to the emotions sitting in a solid, tangled lump behind your chest.

“Don’t tell anyone,” you say again, voice far more ragged than before. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything.”

“I won’t,” Soyoung promises. “On my honor, I won’t.”

That reminds you of another oath taken on someone else’s honor. An oath of silence when that person found out your deepest secret, the cracked and swollen secret hidden behind a thin layer of cotton fabric.

You love him. You don’t love him. You might love him. The three statements bounce off the corners of your skull. Two of them are lies and only one of them you know for certain.

“If Lord Cho proposes,” you mumble, “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Soyoung looks at you sympathetically. “Miss L/N, I’m sure that when the time comes, you will do what is best for you.” The certainty in her voice only makes you feel a little better.

Silence falls save for the clicking of needles and rustling of cloth. Soyoung doesn’t say anything more, and you stab yourself another five times before you finally give up and go to sleep.

. . . . .

Beomgyu shouldn’t have come tonight.

Objectively, there is nothing wrong. The Haynesworths always host good parties, if not particularly interesting ones, and Beomgyu sees nothing to complain about this ball right now. Anyway, even if he did, it’s only their second year holding a ball for the ton. Flubs would be understandable and Beomgyu won’t insult them for it. But there are no flubs. The music is pleasant. The food is good. The decorations are nice.

What is wrong, however, is the fact that you have been attached to Lord Cho’s side the entire night.

He arrived late, which wasn’t his fault—dinner with Kai, who just returned to London, took longer than expected. By the time he stepped into the ballroom, Kai at his side, you were already busily conversing with Lord Cho. The sight annoyed him slightly, but Kai was there and he didn’t want to ruin his friend’s night so he tried not to react. It didn’t matter—he would just find some other time to talk with you, and maybe dance.

It's been just over three hours and Beomgyu has still not been able to speak to you once.

He really thought it was just coincidence and bad timing during the first hour or so. Fine. Normal. Beomgyu came late and you kept getting whisked onto the dance floor by one person or another in between very long conversations with Lord Cho, so Beomgyu tucked himself away with Taehyun and Kai and caught up with his friend’s inheritance issues some more. He took to the dance floor a few times and enjoyed himself well enough.

By the second hour, however, he was starting to suspect Lord Cho was keeping you sequestered away on purpose.

It can’t just be coincidence that every time Beomgyu leaves the dance floor, you and Lord Cho are deep in conversation on the entire other side of the ballroom. It can’t just be bad timing that every time Beomgyu tries to make eye contact with you, Lord Cho hands you another glass of lemonade or guides you to another area of the room. As the second hour passes and the third hour rolls around, Beomgyu is grinding his teeth visibly and Kai is starting to look slightly concerned.

“What’s wrong with him?” Beomgyu hears Kai whisper.

“I don’t know.” Taehyun shrugs. “What’s wrong with you, Beomgyu?”

Beomgyu does not answer. You just laughed at something Lord Cho said, and he feels vaguely sick.

“Ah.” Taehyun has apparently come to a conclusion even without Beomgyu saying anything. “He’s jealous.”

Kai frowns. “Jealous?” he asks, at the same time Beomgyu snaps, “I’m not jealous.”

Taehyun ignores him, which he’s had ample practice with since they went to school together for almost ten years. It does not make Beomgyu feel any better. “Beomgyu here used to have a mortal enemy,” he says sagely, as though Kai isn’t completely aware of the previous animosity between the two of you. “That used to be Miss L/N over there.”

“…I’m aware.” Kai looks even more confused. “Why is he jealous of her?”

“I’m not—”

“They started courting this season,” Taehyun says, evil delight coating his every word as an irritatingly pleasant expression remains on his face. “Apparently they’ve put their past behind them, or something. They’ve become quite attached at the hip especially recently, but because Miss L/N is quite beautiful, of course she has other suitors trying to win her hand.” He gestures slightly at you. “Voila, Beomgyu is very jealous of Lord Cho.”

“…Just how much did you omit from your letters when I was abroad?”

“Quite a bit. Sometimes, telling stories via letter just isn’t as impactful as telling them in person.” Taehyun is still wearing that easy smile and Beomgyu is feeling the growing urge to punch it off his face. “Beomgyu, if you keep glaring at Lord Cho like that, you’re going to bore a hole in his head. Not to mention Whistledown will be scribbling terrible notes with her feathered pen to round out the gossip papers in a few days.”

With effort, Beomgyu looks away from Lord Cho. He still feels vaguely sick—his throat feels tight for some reason—so he takes a sip from his glass. “I’m not glaring at him,” he snaps.

“You’re not now,” Taehyun agrees. “But you were.”

Beomgyu nearly screams.

“Is there something wrong with Lord Cho?” Kai asks timidly. “You seem to hate him a lot more than you would if he was just a suitor.”

God, Beomgyu doesn’t want to go into this again. “I don’t like him,” he snaps with finality. “It isn’t just because he’s trying to court Miss L/N. He feels strange to me, and I don’t trust him. I wish I could tell you why.”

Kai looks at him strangely. “If I didn’t know you better,” he says slowly, “I’d say you were in love with the girl.”

Buzzing fills Beomgyu’s ears. The orchestra fades into white noise, the lights of the room suddenly too bright and loud against his eyes. Love, Kai had said. He didn’t hear wrong. He said the word love. And he said that Beomgyu was in love with you.

Beomgyu blinks rapidly. Some of the spots clear out of his eyes but everything still seems too bright. “I beg your pardon.”

Taehyun steps forward, the previous humor drained from his expression. “Beomgyu,” he says quietly. “Are you all right?”

“Yes. Of course.” The room is too bright and his head vaguely feels like it’s spinning and his stomach just dropped to his feet, but he’s fine. Completely fine. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Some of the sardonicism returns to Taehyun’s face. “I don’t know, maybe because when Kai said you might be in love with Miss L/N your entire face turned pale and you looked like you were about to keel over right then and there.”

Lies. Slander. There’s no way Beomgyu looked like that. “I’m not in love with Miss L/N,” he says emphatically, but even though that’s supposed to be true, every single word sounded wrong.

“Then why do you care so much about her?” Taehyun presses. “Let us assume Lord Cho does not have the lady’s best interests at heart. I will grant it is normal to be concerned. But to stare at them for nearly three hours wearing that expression on your face?” He waves a hand at Beomgyu. “That is hardly expected of anyone.”

“Well, she’s not a monster,” Beomgyu snaps. “Of course I should care.”

“You used to talk about her like she was one,” Kai says, raising an eyebrow. “And Taehyun’s point wasn’t that you shouldn’t care. It’s that you care so much more for her than would be normal for an acquaintance or a friend who was simply concerned.”

Beomgyu flounders for a response. Taehyun takes the opportunity to go in for the kill. “So are you going to give us another reason why you are so jealous of Lord Cho you can’t even see straight?” he asks. “Or are we going to have to go with the very logical conclusion that you are in love with the girl, and resent him for keeping her away from you this entire evening?”

Almost involuntarily, Beomgyu glances across the room at you and Lord Cho. Several others have joined your group but you seem only to have eyes for him, standing close by with that bright, pretty smile on your face. Not once since an hour ago have you looked at Beomgyu. Not even once.

Maybe…

Maybe it is jealousy. But if it’s jealousy, then where did it come from?

Against his will he recalls Soobin’s words from Lady Park’s gathering.

“I realized that every moment I was away, I wanted to be with her. When I did not have her attention, I wanted it. When I was with her, I was happier than I believed I ever could be.”

“It would do you well to remember that the line between hatred and love can be a very fine line, indeed.”

Kai thinks he’s in love with you. Taehyun thinks the same. Soobin certainly seemed to be hinting at it. Beomgyu clutches his glass, feeling suddenly like the floor is tipping beneath his feet. Is he in love with you? Is he truly?

He blanches. The fact that he’s even considering their words says far more about him than he’d like to admit.

“I need to go.” Beomgyu swallows hard and puts his half full glass on some empty tray. “To the washroom.” He doesn’t wait for a response before he starts pushing through the crowd.

The washroom is quiet, empty. Beomgyu stands in front of the small basin and splashes water onto his face until he feels a little more alert. There’s a small mirror hung up above the basin and he looks into it, not really seeing his reflection, but contemplating it.

These are the facts. Beomgyu likes you. He enjoys being your friend. At some point he disliked you very much, but most if not all of those feelings have disappeared. You are a good person. He is happy to know you. He is even happier that you have overturned your previous opinions about him, and that you like to be around him. He was upset at himself when he mentioned ending your courtship. He was overjoyed when you said you didn’t want the friendship to end.

And yet he still felt like something was missing, even with all that hope and joy fluttering in his chest.

Beomgyu swallows. There are still more facts to sort out. He kissed you. He wanted to kiss you. It was the only kiss that had ever made him feel something more, the only kiss that had ever made him want more. He dreamed and still dreams about the kiss and he doesn’t know why.

Or does he?

He takes a deep breath and lets it out quickly. Slowly, slowly, he forces himself to consider the fact that he may be in love with you.

It unfortunately explains a lot of things.

The jealousy. The dislike of Lord Cho beyond the fact that he seemed only to view you as chattel to win in marriage. The fantasies about the kiss, the constant dreams where the kiss morphs into something more. The desire to be with you, to be the reason you smile and laugh.

Beomgyu splashes more water on his face. He can’t do this right now—maybe can’t do it ever. He can’t face the facts or even try to make sense of them. He needs to get out of here or else he’ll go insane.

He wipes his hand on the roller towel and leaves the washroom. Kai and Taehyun are nowhere to be seen, which is annoying because he really should tell him he’s planning to leave. Beomgyu wades into the fray again, searching the crowd for his friends, but then his eye catches someone else’s.

Lord Cho’s.

It seems as though he’s frozen in time. Lord Cho regards him with an impassive gaze, Beomgyu still rooted to his spot halfway across the ballroom. For a moment neither of them reacts.

Then Lord Cho smirks.

All at once there is nothing in Beomgyu’s mind except the desire to punch this man into the floor. Unfortunately, an ounce of sense remains—just enough for him to know that that would be a terrible idea, one that would land him in Wooyoung’s bad books forever and possibly even the town jail for a night or two.

Besides, there’s another way he might wipe the smile off Lord Cho’s face for an hour or two.

He pushes through the crowd with singular ease, beelining right for where you stand next to Lord Cho, listening to something a nearby gentleman is saying. The man’s words falter as he sees Beomgyu walking towards them, and when he does, you turn to see who he’s looking at and meet Beomgyu’s eyes.

Beomgyu would dearly love to give Lord Cho the cut, but years of politeness in society force him to give the man at least a small nod in greeting before turning directly to you. “Miss L/N, we haven’t spoken all night.” He doesn’t wait for a response, only extends his hand. “May I have the next dance?”

. . . . .

The next dance is a waltz.

Which—normally wouldn’t be a problem. You have to get permission to take to the floor for this dance—with all of the touching and close holds, it is still considered extremely scandalous even several years after it was introduced to the ton. To dance it with anyone who isn’t a close relative or betrothed could be social suicide. You’ve never had an issue with this, though, because you’ve never been given permission to dance the waltz, and you’ve never bothered to ask.

Though today, you do have permission. Your mother is friends with Mrs. Haynesworth. She extended that permission as a token of friendship with the invitation to tonight’s ball, and while it might have been nice to think about it, you never planned to use it. No one has proposed to you, even if Lord Cho seems close to it. You have no close male relatives with whom it would be acceptable to dance. It doesn’t matter—you’ve always sat out the waltz and you planned to do the same tonight.

But now Beomgyu stands before you, his hand extended, his mouth smiling but his eyes sharp, burning with a fire you have never seen before. You have no idea if he knows what the next dance is. You have no idea why he’s looking at you as though no one else in the room exists.

Some of Soyoung’s words come back to you, from several nights ago. “You look at him like he’s the only one in the room,” she had said. “And he looks at you the same way.”

Beomgyu asked you for a dance. Not just any dance, but the waltz. You don’t believe Beomgyu is an idiot. You don’t believe he would have asked for the next dance if it didn’t mean anything to him. Nothing he does in society is without reason. So if he is asking you to waltz…

A stupid, burgeoning hope starts to burn in your chest. Might Soyoung’s words be true? Might he be in love with you, the same way you might be in love with him?

It’s like you watch yourself place your hand in Beomgyu’s, watch from above as he smiles as you with the force of ten thousand suns as he leads you onto the ballroom floor. People are watching, whispering, but you seem to hear none of them as he bows and you curtsy. You feel light, almost like you’re floating on air—you don’t seem to have any weight as Beomgyu effortlessly spins you through the opening bars of the dance.

Watching the waltz before, you had never quite understood why it is considered as scandalous as the old-fashioned mamas of the ton make it out to be. Sure, it involved some more close contact than usual, but other than that you couldn’t see much of a difference from the other dances.

Dancing it now, though, you see exactly why the waltz could lead to social ruin.

Beomgyu’s hand rests lower on your back, just beneath your shoulder blade. Your bodies are almost flush together. Your hand, gingerly placed before on his shoulder, has since slid down his arm, and when you turn to face him, his eyes are barely a few inches from yours.

Your breath catches. From the looks of it, Beomgyu realizes, and a little smirk begins to curl his lips.

You hate how attractive you find it.

He spins you out and catches your other hand before you manage to fly away. Even though several feet now separate you two instead of mere handsbreadths his fingers curl around yours, so strong and steady as he pulls you back into his dancing embrace. His eyes still hold a hint of that fire from before and in your burgeoning hope, you allow yourself to wonder if he was perhaps…jealous. Envious, maybe, that another man had your attentions for so long. While you don’t love jealousy, it does make your heart flutter to think that he might care about you enough to care about that.

Truth be told, you had been trying to get away from Lord Cho for some time. The first hour was nice, and you hadn’t seen Beomgyu at all during that time so you weren’t bothered. But while you like Lord Cho, and his friends are fine, the moment you saw Beomgyu, you wanted to go to him. You tried to make excuses time and time again to leave but someone always struck up another vein of conversation with you or asked you to dance, or Lord Cho easily sidestepped your request and led you to another area of the room to speak to someone else.

It wasn’t unpleasant. But even then, at some point, you wished you were elsewhere. Though you couldn’t have dreamed that you would end up here in Beomgyu’s arms, waltzing the night away.

Beomgyu catches you in the crook of his arm and lowers you into a slight dip that has you staring directly into his eyes. Your arm wraps around his shoulder, half as part of the dance and half to steady yourself on your jelly-like legs, and you can’t help it when your heart races even faster. Beomgyu’s breath whispers over your lips and suddenly it reminds you of the kiss. You almost trip over his foot when he pulls you back up.

Judging from the way Beomgyu’s eyes flutter down to your lips, you’d say you weren’t the only one feeling the same way.

As the waltz begins to wind to a close, you feel your face getting hotter as Beomgyu spins you once, twice, three times. You feel like you’re flying—your toes barely skimming the floor, your skirts whirling around your legs—your feet follow the one-two-three rhythm of the waltz with ease, your slippers tapping merrily against the floor. The song ends but you still have that rhythm in your blood and Beomgyu seems to realize that because he spins you out as the orchestra finishes, letting the momentum carry you into your deep curtsy.

When you stand up, you’re smiling like no tomorrow, and nothing, you think, could ever induce that smile to fall.

A smattering of polite applause comes from the outskirts of the ballroom. The sound reminds you that you and Beomgyu are not, in fact, the only people here and you almost jump. Were it not for Beomgyu’s hand in yours, you might have. As it stands, though, your heart begins to pound as you look out at the sea of faces whose expressions range from astonished to horrified and everything in between.

It hits you what you’ve just done, then—danced a waltz, the most scandalous dance in polite society, with a man who wasn’t a close relative or even your betrothed fiancé. You knew that when you accepted Beomgyu’s invitation, but somehow, now that it’s over, it all feels so much more real.

But you trusted him. You trusted Beomgyu to know what the dance was, and to know what it would mean both to you and to the ton. And when you look up at him now, precious hope cradled close to your chest, you wonder if he will do what you have wanted him to since…well, almost since Lord Cho hinted at a question he might ask the next time you were in more private company.

You wonder if Beomgyu will ask you to marry him.

It is a small hope. Maybe even a futile one. But though you thought it impossible over the past week, when you first realized you desired it so, now you think that maybe it wasn’t so impossible after all. Not with the way he looked at you when he asked you to dance. Not with how he treated you as he spun you across the floor. Not with the way he looks at you now…

Right?

You look at Beomgyu. He does not look back at you. With his head turned just so, you can’t tell what expression is on his face. For the first time since the end of the dance, true unease prickles your chest. You trusted Beomgyu so completely to be right, to do right, but why won’t he now look at you? Now, when it is most important?

“Beomgyu?”

At the sound of his name, he starts. And then he does look at you. But where you expected to see love, trust, that same fire that burnt in his eyes throughout the entire dance, now he just looks…

Blank.

You swallow hard as dread begins to creep up your spine. “Beomgyu,” you say quietly, hoping your words will jerk him out of whatever daze he’s in. “That was…that was a waltz.”

Some of the clouds clear from his glassy eyes but not in the way you expect. He still looks mostly blank, and a little shaken—panicky, even. He takes a deep breath that rattles around his chest in a way that you’re not sure you like. “So it was,” he says, and the subtle tremble in his words only unsettles you more.

You dare to glance at the gathered crowd. Even more people are staring now, eyes glued on your figure as mouths whisper behind pastel fans. Your heart beats even faster but not with excitement—instead, you feel like you might throw up. “You’re lucky I had permission to waltz,” you say, forcing a certain lightness into your voice. “What would you have done if I didn’t?”

Apparently this was the wrong thing to say, because Beomgyu looks down at your still-linked hands and immediately lets go.

A chill travels up your spine. Your hand suddenly feels incredibly cold, even though you felt so warm just minutes ago—the heat of Beomgyu’s palm against yours suddenly ripped away, only the cooling silk of your gloves left to caress your skin. Your fingers curl into each other, nails pinching through silk to bite into your palms as you try to rein in your trembling.

You expected a witty answer. After all, that’s what Beomgyu is—wit and intellect rolled into one annoyingly handsome person. But the longer you look at him, the longer he says nothing, and the more you begin to realize that you’re waiting for a response he isn’t going to give.

“Beomgyu?” you ask, voice a little more pleading this time. His face looks pale now, his skin a little clammy, and his eyes, while trained on you, don’t seem to see anything at all. “Beomgyu, is something—” You reach out, touching his hand with the tips of your fingers, and he flinches.

You drop your arm immediately. “…Is something wrong?” you finish quietly.

Buzzing fills your ears in the silence that follows. The entire room is too bright and your heart has crept into your throat. Beomgyu’s face is becoming blurry in your vision and you really, really hope that doesn’t mean tears are coming. “Beomgyu?” you try one last time.

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he turns tail and pushes his way out of the room before you can react, almost running in his haste to get away.

To get away from you.

You stand there on the ballroom floor, alone, staring at the path he carved through the crowd when he left. He knocked one or two people over but you can hardly hear their grunts of pain over the buzzing in your ears. You’re starting to feel incredibly lightheaded and when you bring a hand up to touch your temple, one finger brushes against your eye and you feel the telltale wetness of tears.

Damn. You’ve never cried in front of another person before, not to mention the entire ton.

You look up to find every single person in the room staring right at you, and in that moment, two things hit you very suddenly.

One. You are in love with Beomgyu Choi.

Two. He just as good as left you at the altar.

You suppress a hysterical laugh. As it stands, a strangled noise still manages to leave your lips as you contemplate the irony of it all. This is actually even worse than if he left you at the altar. At least then you would have been betrothed, and the blow to your reputation might have been softened by pity. Right now, though, you’re as good as ruined. A dirt poor, barely titled harlot who seduced an unmarried, unbetrothed gentleman into a waltz, only the most scandalous dance of the decade, and had the nerve to smile after it.

Well, you certainly aren’t smiling now.

The humiliation hits you hard and fast and the tears start flowing in earnest despite your attempts to blink them back. You were an idiot to believe Beomgyu could love you, an idiot to think he would ever want you beyond what any other man has ever wanted you for—your face, your beauty. You were an idiot to think anyone could ever want you for more than that. You were a fool, a bloody stupid fool, for thinking you might have been worth sacrificing his reputation for.

You really trusted him. Trusted him, and his honor, because even when you hated him before you had never seen him act less than gentlemanly around anyone else. He kept your secret. He gave you gloves. You thought you could trust him and you fell in love, even, because of that trust. But now…

Embarrassment burns hot in your throat as you remember asking, practically begging him to be your friend. All because you couldn’t get a single stupid kiss out of your head. All because you held on to a stupid hope. All because you dared to want something more than you ever deserved to have—attachment. Care. Love.

What an absolute fool you are. Just as your stepmother always said, you will never be worth such things. It was all you could do to try and secure a husband and look at where that got you.

Desperation is a cruel mistress, and you are just another groveling subject at her feet.

A choked noise rises from your throat and you clap a hand over your mouth to rein it in. Eyes burning with tears, you cut through the crowd just as Beomgyu did seconds or minutes or hours ago, fleeing into the night. No one follows.

You find yourself in the Haynesworths’ rose garden. A small stone bench sits in a small clearing. The moon glows brightly overhead. It reminds you far too much of the night you struck a deal with the man who just left you on the ballroom floor.

You sink to your knees in the grass and cry.

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