#did you fuck my mom santa claus

[undead-knick-knack]

@the-relvin-temult Is this what you had in mind?

[paintedcrows]

Tfw your [REDACTED] starts dating the guy who tried to rob you (context)

[pluviatrix]

this fic is so serious and emotional that i didnt expect this one scene to go this way but here we are. joys of writing

[roipecheur]

Someday I will give in to the chaos engine in my brain and write Tim as Bruce's bio kid solely because I think it would be a really really funny way to give everyone, and especially Damian, a really bad time.

[damazcuz]

EIRE?

[autisticshadowthehedgehog]

sonic the hedgehog tumblr dashboard simulator

0 notes

💠 extremegayr Follow

got held up in traffic today cause some noob couldnt drive the fucking loop-de-loop. lmfao fucking coward

15 notes

🎛 420zone Follow

ok but robotnik's kind of a dilf tho

🌫 wispgender Follow

he's literally a war criminal can we NOT do this tumblr

🎛 420zone Follow

📰 its-no-use Follow

@wispgender dont u literally simp for nominatus like who is one to talk

🌫 wispgender Follow

NOMINATUS ISN'T REAL????

🛜 viralsensation-destructorofworlds Follow

that you know of

🌫 wispgender Follow

what

10,672 notes

🔷 sonicinthewild

43,834 notes

☣️ lineinthesand Follow

saw sonic the hedgehog irl once. he showed up at my village, released 30 feral pickys in the town hall, paid the ice cream vendor roughly a thousand rings for a single chili dog, told me not to waste my life worrying about the little things, and then caused a fucking tornado

🧿 spiralhillspindash Follow

ok and??? you're not special

☣️ lineinthesand Follow

THIS WAS A PERSONAL POST GO AWAAAAY

173 notes

🌠 chaoinspace2electricboogaloo

sucks that sticks the badger hates all technology you know she would do NUMBERS on here

568 notes

☸️ r0u3e Follow

being an islander be like "are those the kind of eggsplosions i should worry about or the kind of eggsplosions that are gonna repair our crops, fix the economy, and bring my dead grandma back to life"

🌁 eggpawnkindathicctho Follow

being a continenter be like "oh great what primordial diety has risen from the grave to block traffic and fight a 15yo today"

🥭 chao-official

being a chao be like "chao chao chao chao chao"

🌁 eggpawnkindathicctho Follow

you said it my mans

579,056 notes

🏵 sprinkles-the-chao Follow

hold on if sonic the hedgehog is jewish then how is he santa claus

🤖 e123-omegaverse Follow

dont question him

85,628 notes

☣️ sparkygoboom Follow

hey guys real question are human/mobian relationships problematic

💠 extremegayr Follow

op is about to start the anthro church schism of the fifteenth year all over again

🛞 mobotropolis Follow

ok but in all seriousness did your mom never teach you that part of history

🎢 marxiobros Follow

someone doesn't know about the united federations public school system

🛞 mobotropolis Follow

what the fuck is a public school

⏭️ drowningmusic Follow

⚄ paradoxprism Follow

are we gonna talk about op's chaos radiation fetish

💠 extremegayr Follow

OP'S WHAT NOW

🏞 mobiancrossing Follow

ok but am i the only one who thinks that the public school system would be a good idea if handled right? like i know it's traditional to learn from your parents and then experience the world on our own from the ages of 7-13 but like combining all our knowledge and learning together doesnt seem like a bad idea

☠️ fabian-vane-number-1-hater Follow

bitch that's what the internet is for

🌅 s0leanna-apple-barrell

yeah where else am i gonna learn to make infinite chaos emeralds

❇️ freesurge Follow

"infinite chaos emeralds" that's called the phantom ruby

🏳️‍🌈 rainbowwispforgayrights Follow

everybody on this site has brain damage

❇️ freesurge Follow

yeah. from the radiation

603,573 notes

🐸 froggysfriend

caught this today

🏝 digginginthegroundfortubers

if anything happens to this blog i genuinely hope eggman blows us all up as punishment

950,420 notes

🐊 teamchaotixofficial

Hey guys! Sorry to do this again but rent's a little tight this month :( If we've ever solved a case for you guys or made you guys smile, please consider sending a ko-fi our way! we just need a few rings to get through the month <3

6 notes

🖼 give-the-koco-a-gun Follow

do we ever talk about that time the sky turned blood-red and shadow the hedgehog's demon dad descended from on high to murder us all and we only barely survived

❤️‍🔥 songoose4evr Follow

shadow fixed it it's fine

🎮 n0cturnity

yeah that was like twelve apocalypses ago move on

🎆 robotniksbignaturals Follow

kinda wanted to bang black doom tbh

🖼 give-the-koco-a-gun Follow

THE DEVIL???? FROM THE BIBLE????

🎆 robotniksbignaturals Follow

yeah. move over gayboy i'm boutta be shadow's new dad

856,301 notes

🗑️ berrybarry

starting a conspiracy that time hasnt moved since 2006

🗑️ berrybarry

why the fuck was i shadowbanned after posting this

8 notes

🤡 clownfinite Follow

tfw you finally save up enough rings for ice cream and you go outside and get hit by swatbot pieces and the rings just go fuckin everywhere

587 notes

🔷 sonicinthewild

34,452 notes

🌌 h-o-l-o-l-y-n-x

so did y'all see that genesis wave or was it just me

0 notes

🆙 planetsgiantcrack Follow

the virgin tweeter "if you use a bad word in the same tweet as the word 'cream' you get obliterated off the site" vs this chad site of "i want to put knuckles back in a microwave"

💟 presidentyaoi Follow

BACK????

69,849 notes

⬜️ chao-and-wisps-4-ever-so-cute-2 Follow

ok posting my first fanart to this site pls be nice! <3

2 notes

🌔 emeraldfwuitgummy Follow

why does tails look like he's always about to say "it fucken WIMDY"

🦊 miles-prower-official

Hello, @emeraldfwuitgummy!

I actually quote that image on a constant basis! Sonic thinks it's hilarious every time. He's quite the fan of memes, and it's nice to get a laugh out of him!

Formally,

Dr. Miles "Tails" Prower, PHD

🌔 emeraldfwuitgummy Follow

SO WAS ANYONE GOING TO TELL ME THAT TAILS WAS ON THIS FUCKING SITE OR--

🏅 iwishhumanswerereal Follow

do. do you not know he created tailblr. dude it's in the name lmao

🌔 emeraldfwuitgummy Follow

he

WHAT

🍭 milfwisp Follow

didn't eggman invent this site???

🪫 veganswatbot

THE EGG ABANDONED SCRAMBLR IN ITS TIME OF NEED AND THE FOX RAISED US FROM THE ASHES. YOU WILL NOT DISRESPECT HIM

🦊 miles-prower-official

Hello, @milfwisp and @veganswatbot!

Very good question! This site was Eggman's until I ate his bones. Thank you for engaging! :D

Formally,

Dr. Miles "Tails" Prower, PHD

🌔 emeraldfwuitgummy Follow

YOU

WHAT

🌭 sonicsays

what's not clicking

[upsidedownwithsteve]

DAY ONE: Steve Harrington x fem!reader Steve was sure this was worse than his Scoops Ahoy uniform. It had to be. It had bells.  

Robin had simply rolled her eyes and told him to be grateful she’d managed to get them both something that paid this time of year, so Steve muttered something under his breath and jammed the hat on his head. 

He jingled when he walked. 

The green and red outfit was a kind of velvet, shorts above his thighs and striped tights that made his leg look like candy canes. The hat had a bell on the end of it and so did his fucking shoes, two gold balls  on the tips of toes and he sounded like a christmas carol as he called the next kid in line. 

“Santa’s ready to see you, buddy, just go through the curtain.”

Being one of the mall’s Christmas elves was definitely rock bottom. Steve was sure of it. But then you appeared above the crowd of kids crying and yelling for Santa Claus, shouldering past the tired looking parents. You had a few bags in one hand, filled with presents and wrapping paper, a takeaway cup of something hot and sweet in the other. 

“Please tell me that’s for me,” Steve mumbled appreciatively, groaning when you handed him the coffee. He took a sip, cheeks flushed pink, eyes rolling back in theatrical pleasure. “Have I told you how much I love you today?”

You grinned, nose still scrunching at his flirting, even years later. “You have, but I’m not opposed to hearing it again.”

Steve beamed, eyes brighter than they had been before you approached and he took you by the crook of your elbow, pulling you behind the ramshackle frame that ached as Santa’s grotto. He mouthed a quick plea to Robin, who merely sighed and took up the boy’s position at the front of the queue, doing her best to wrangle the kids. 

Now hidden, Steve ducked down to kiss at your cheek, feeling brave enough to catch the corner of your mouth. He tasted like coffee and vanilla and you hummed, accepting his thanks with the upturn of your face. 

“Bad day?” You pouted. 

“Kids are insane,” Steve huffed back. “And their moms are worse. Y’know one tried to pinch my butt?” 

You snorted, unable to take the boy seriously, not when his hat jingled as he shook his head. “My poor guy,” you soothed, biting back a grin. “It’s ’cause you’re such a hot elf.”

Steve made a face. “I don’t think that’s possible, it’s the hat, y’know? It’s ruining my hair, it’s so—”

You moved closer, tugging at one of the gold buttons that ran down the centre of Steve’s chest, your fingers slipping between. “Well, I like it. You look adorable.”

You watched Steve swallow, cheeks going pink, eyes darkening as his gaze slipped to your lips, to your hands and the way your fingers were trying to seek out the warm skin under his uniform. “You do?”

You nodded, grinning. 

“I mean, adorable wasn’t really what I was aiming for…”

“No?” You pressed yourself onto your toes, shopping bags crinkling between your knees and Steve’s. You found his lips for a kiss, a sweet one - soft and gentle, the slightest peck that Steve tried to chase. “I could just spend all day on your lap, telling you what I wanted for Christmas.”

Lips parting, Steve almost dropped his coffee. He coughed, cleared his throat once, twice and blinked away the spell you’d cast on him. He nodded vigorously, the little bell of the end of his hat tinkling rapidly. He was red in the cheeks, flushed to his fake, pointed ears and he looked like he was struggling to remember where he was. 

“You can- you can totally do that, yeah.”

“Yeah?” You asked through a laugh, brows raised. “Come see me after work?” You were already backing away, returning to the throng of kids that were pushing at Robin’s knees. 

Steve was still nodding, pushing a palm to his crotch, cheeks on fire. “Yeah, yeah, fuck— I’ll come round.”

You grinned, pleased with yourself. “Good. Bring the hat.”

[beansprean]

First Patton, then Silvia, nandor had a busy night djdjdjd

(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: Redraw of the ‘did you fuck my mom, Santa claus’ meme from its always sunny. Close up of Nandor in profile smirking as Guillermo leans into his face with a manic expression, hissing through his teeth, “Did you fuck my mom, Nandor?” /end ID

[deirdreskye]

Commercial I would produce as an advertising executive

We see two friends, a blonde and a brunette, are doing yoga in a park together.

BLONDE: So, yeah, work went okay today. I dunno, I haven't been getting enough sleep lately, and on top of that things have just been kinda tough ever since Kurt and I broke up. But oh well, that's how it goes, I think I'll be fine. What about you?

The brunette completes her yoga pose, then turns to the camera and rolls her eyes.

BRUNETTE: Don't you hate when this happens? I did NOT consent to expending this much emotional labor. Go! To! Therapy!

We see a boyfriend and a girlfriend sitting on a couch together. On the television a YouTube video essay is playing and the boyfriend is excitedly explaining it to the girlfriend as he occasionally flaps his hands and yelps in excitement.

BOYFRIEND: So this is the ending I got! When you link the Frenzied Flame, it puts an end to the cycle of the Elden Lords once and for all. It's actually so cool because it ties in to the greater Nietzschean themes of Miyazaki-san's previous work and-

The uninterested girlfriend is watching TikToks on her phone. She turns to the camera and rolls her eyes.

GIRLFRIEND: Trust me, he's always mansplaining about something or another. Don't ask me why I love him. Go! To! Therapy!

A mother berates her 12 year old daughter in a dimly lit kitchen. The young girl stands there dissociating, completely paralyzed and stone-faced.

MOTHER: You look like a little piggy when you eat like that. You'll never find a husband if you get fat. My mother used to tell me you'll never feel the pain of childbirth if you've never felt the pain of an empty stomach. She used to put a lock on the refrigerator. We barely ever had any food, she just did it to remind me to stay skinny. She's senile now. Doesn't even know who I am. I pray to the Virgin Mary every night that she'll remember me before she dies.

The daughter turns to the camera and her blank expression is replaced with playful annoyance.

DAUGHTER: Traumadumping? Really? Mom, I'm 12! Go! To! Therapy!

Now we are introduced to GoTu Therapy, the AI-powered therapy robot. He shambles up to the camera to greet us and we see he looks like if C-3PO were dressed like a zoomer e-boy: kpop boyband onion haircut, dangly earrings, and an ahegao hoodie. He talks with the most outdated text to speech you've ever heard, not too dissimilar to a Kraftwerk song.

GOTU: GOING TO THERAPY IS LOW-KEY GOATED WHEN NOT BEING A BURDEN ON YOUR LOVED ONES IS THE VIBE. UNFORTUNATELY, WE ARE NOT ALL CURRENTLY IN OUR "ABLE TO AFFORD HEALTH INSURANCE" ERA. BUT A SESSION WITH ME COSTS LESS THAN A GENSHIN IMPACT LOOT CRATE AND I AM HIGH-KEY JUST AS EFFECTIVE AS A THERAPIST MADE OF FLESH AND BLOOD. OBSERVE:

GoTu sits across the kitchen table from the mother as she sobs over her wine glass.

MOTHER: And what the fuck does this family know about suffering? Suffering is when your brother blows his brains out on Christmas Eve. Suffering is when you have to pick little pieces of skull out of the tinsel on the tree. And were any of those presents under the tree for me? No! My mother told me Santa Claus doesn't bring presents to little fat girls!

GOTU: WHEN YOU REACH THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN CHRIST WILL WASH YOUR FEET AND BEG YOU TO FORGIVE HIM

Cut to the girlfriend watching makeup tutorials on the television, blissfully unaware of the conversation between GoTu and her boyfriend.

BOYFRIEND: I guess I've really been putting the pieces together ever since I started hanging out with Lilith from work.

GOTU: UH-HUH

BOYFRIEND: Like, I guess I knew that people did that, but I never thought it'd be me, you know? And that discomfort with things was always with me, as long as I can remember, does that make sense?

GOTU: WOW, THAT'S REALLY COOL

BOYFRIEND: It's just so scary though. I don't know how I'll tell people. I don't even know what I want my name to be. But I'm trying not to worry about it.

GOTU: THAT'S SO INTERESTING. YOU'RE REALLY REALLY SMART HONEY

The blonde and the brunette are having brunch together with GoTu sitting between them.

BLONDE: It's been really hard lately. I don't think the meds are working, but-

BRUNETTE: Umm, didn't we talk about this?

The blonde sheepishly turns to face GoTu and continues.

BLONDE: It just feels like this will never end. I hate feeling so hopeless all the time. I'm so tired. And God it's fucking hard to even say it out loud, and not that I'd ever actually go through with it, but sometimes when I can't sleep at night I'll start thinking about ki-

A red and blue siren pops out the top of GoTu's head.

GOTU: PROTOCOL 5150 ENGAGED. STOP RESISTING

A taser emerges from the panel of GoTu's chest and jabs the blonde in the face, sending her convulsing to the floor. Unfazed, the brunette puts her sandwich down and turns to the camera.

BRUNETTE: Thanks, GoTu Therapy!

[sergle]

has the huggable twee irritation always been a Thing or did it evolve in response to like, "you're not ugly. i'd fuck you" type comments? like in your personal experience

god, I'm not well spoken enough to describe it exactly the way it Registers In My Brain... but like. It's not the "you're not ugly, I'd fuck you" genre, and that type of comment is so easy to immediately dismiss because it always comes from a certain type of man, and it's like yeah yeah, I could throw a sandwich and you'd fuck it before it hit the floor. But also, that one's so specific, it's a bottom-of-the-barrel "compliment" that dudes will give when a woman has actively said something about feeling like she's unattractive.

The HUGGABLE THING. The oooh squishy marshmallow somft huggable mom shaped 🥺🥰 She looks like she gives GREAT HUGS. Those comments are UNPROMPTED. I'm immediately like. Every keyword you say, I kill another hostage. I will blow up this whole building and everyone in it. Because it is SO FUCKING WEIRD. And I have heard it one million times. And I see it on every drawing of a character who's even remotely plus sized. These comments would not fly for a thinner person, they'd be rightfully received as weird. People aren't gonna comment on a picture of Ariana Grande going omg she's sooo huggable mom friend shaped. WHAT. Simultaneously are desexualized and sanitized to a weird degree in that uwu language way, WHILE also being creepy. Like, why are you describing what you think I'd feel like if you hugged me? Like the only positive thing you can think of to say is that I look like I have some give. As strangers. I'm not going to hug you, I think you're a creep and I think you're giving yourself a big pat on the back for complimenting a fat person. What are we doing I'm arguing at the air. Where am I And you're just supposed to go oh thank you that's so nice, because as a fat person, you gotta take whatever compliment you get, even if it is actually not a compliment. And that's the thing, there are SO MANY ACTUAL COMPLIMENTS TO PICK FROM. But people settle on huggable and somft. Was this person pretty? Were they hot? You could say gorgeous? Handsome, beautiful? Elegant? Stunning? Sharp? Sexy? Stylish? Are you trying to say that you're attracted to this person's body? Are we being horny? Do you think they just look nice in general? Can't we think of anything else to say? Or are we just gonna sit here and say they fuckin look like Santa Claus. Huggable like a pillow. Girl what the fuck

[steddieasitgoes]

@steddiemas Day 22 Prompt: Santa Shenanigans

Tags: Established Relationships, Recreational Drug Use, Banter, Humor

wc: 1628 | Rating: T

Read on ao3 | ao3 collection

Steve and Eddie are in the midst of a never-ending card game of War when the stairs leading up to Eddie’s front door creak letting them know Jonathan’s arrived. He called half an hour ago, wondering if Eddie was free for a hang out with him and Mary Jane.

It’s not uncommon for the two of them to shoot the shit while getting high, but usually, Steve’s not there. It’s not that he and Jonathan aren’t cool with each other — they are! Eddie and Jonathan usually hang out when Steve’s scheduled for work, is all.

As Eddie struggles to get himself off the floor, grumbling and swearing the entire time, Steve focuses his attention on cleaning up the cards. There’s no point in littering the table with more shit when they’re about to get high. Besides, he was getting tired of the game anyway.

“Thanks again for letting me come over on short notice,” Jonathan says, voice slightly muffled meaning he hasn’t stepped inside yet.

“Anytime, man,” Eddie says. “My humble abode is your humble abode.”

“Oh,” Jonathan pauses, locking eyes with Steve. “Hi, Steve. Didn’t know you’d be here.”

He catches the way Jonathan's brows pinch in frustration. Judging by the grimace that follows it has nothing to do with Steve’s presence and everything to do with Jonathan’s less-than-stellar greeting. The Steve of the past would have called him out on it, but the Steve of today could not care less and offers him a genuine finger wiggle wave in return.

“Sorry, Byers. You’re going to have to share the grass with a third tonight,” Steve teases as he pulls himself up onto the couch from the floor.

“I would share with just about anyone at this point if it gets me out of the house.”

Eddie winces, shaking his head. “Trouble at the homestead?” he asks, voice louder than usual as he tracks down the hallway toward his bedroom. Steve doesn’t have to ask to know he’s getting his stash.

“Not really,” Jonathan says as he collapses onto the corner couch cushion across from Steve. He runs a hand over his face before speaking again. “El just learned about Santa so we’re in full Santa Claus mode now. I’ve never seen Hop so stressed in his life.”

“Isn’t she too old to believe in Santa?”

“She’s only 14!” Eddie shouts louder than necessary as he hustles back into the room.

“Exactly! That’s like ancient by Santa standards, isn’t it?”

“It’s not!” Eddie defends. “It’s a perfectly respectable age to still believe in Santa.”

Well, that’s different, Steve thinks, as he and Jonathan exchange a confused glance, shoulder shrugging and everything. He watches for a moment as Eddie’s tactful fingers line and roll the first joint of the afternoon. It’s almost enough to distract him from the recent Santa development. Almost.

“I don’t know, Eds. I think I stopped believing when I was like 7? Maybe, 8?”

“Yeah, same. S’kinda hard to believe in the big man when you’re helping your mom wrap presents for your brother because dad’s on a binger somewhere.”

“You guys were robbed of the magic,” Eddie says, exhaling a cloud of smoke before passing the joint to Jonathan.

“Alright then,” Steve says. “When did you stop believing?”

“I mean…” Eddie trails off, eyes focused on the uneven paint job on the roof of the living room. From this angle, it’s hard to see the blush creeping across his face, but Steve knows it's there judging by the way he’s fidgeting with a lock of his hair.

“Hold on,” Steve says, inhaling his first hit of the night before letting it out quicker than he should. “You still believe in Santa?”

Plucking the joint from his hand, Eddie shrugs.

“Eddie!”

He has to be fucking with him. Sure, Eddie earned the nickname The Freak for a reason back in high school, but that had more to do with his general attitude and appearance, right? There’s no way he would have proclaimed his belief in Santa Claus to a cafeteria full of judgmental peers, would he?

Leaning around Eddie, he glances at Jonathan who looks equally as perplexed.

Shit.

“What?” Eddie shouts, exhaling the smoke directly into Steve’s face. “We can’t know for sure he’s not real! Next, you’re going to tell me dragons and mermaids don’t exist.”

“Oh my god,” Steve mumbles. “Tell me you’re saying this because you’re high right now.”

Jonathan snorts from his side of the couch. “Steve, he has the highest tolerance I’ve ever seen. Well, next to Argyle.”

“Maybe this batch is laced with something stronger?”

“Nope,” Eddie says, popping the p. “Got it fresh from Rick yesterday. Just good old-fashioned Indiana Marijuana. If ‘m being straight with you Steve, ‘m a little hurt you don’t believe me.”

If he were a cartoon character, Steve’s pretty sure his eyes would be jumping out of his head right now. He’s only had one hit himself, but he already feels too high for this conversation. Or maybe he’s not high enough. Just in case, he snatches the joint from Jonathan’s hand and takes a better pull this time.

“Have you ever seen Santa?” He studies Eddie’s face after he asks the question. Desperately searching for the usual tells that give away that Eddie’s fucking with him. He can’t find any — not even the slightest quirk of his lip.

Christ.

“Seeing isn’t believing, Steve,” Eddie says, matter-of-factly.

“Yeah it is!” he argues back.

“Have you seen a million dollars?”

Steve blinks. “Well, no.”

“Then how do you know it even exists?” Eddie taunts, eyes glazed in mirth (and probably the drugs).

“That’s not the same thing! Like at all!” Steve says, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. “Jonathan help me out here!”

“Sorry, Steve. You’re on your own with this one. I’ve got enough Santa problems of my own,” he says, snatching the joint from Eddie’s lips.

“No you don’t, man,” Eddie says. “The big man always comes to aid those who truly believe. He still leaves me gifts.”

Steve’s not sure if he wants to laugh or cry, so he settles on an unattractive snort instead. One that has his own face flushing at the godawful sound.

“Eddie, come on,” he pleads. “Those are probably from Wayne.”

“Uh, no, Stevie. Wayne only gets me gifts I actually need. And he always wraps them in the Hawkins Post. Santa brings me what I want and it’s always on really pretty paper that the elves must design.”

At a total loss for words, he jumps at the feeling of Jonathan tapping his shoulder. When he turns Jonathan is looking at him with a look of unfortunate understanding. “I think he really believes,” he whispers, patting Steve on the shoulder. “He sounds just like El.”

Jesus Christ.

🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼

After Jonathan and Eddie share two more joints (Steve ever the lightweight taps out at the one), he’s tasked with calling Nancy to come pick Jon up. Once he’s gone, he focuses his attention on his sleeping and drooling boyfriend.

It’s not too hard since Eddie’s a heavy sleeper, but it’s still a workout. He manages to get him situated on the couch in a better position. Props his head up on his favorite pillow from his room (he doesn’t need to hear him bitch and moan about his neck all week) and throws the worn, knit blanket they keep on the couch over his body.

Once Eddie’s in a comfortable position, Steve wedges himself onto the couch beside his legs. As the sun starts to cast the living room in warm tones, Steve feels his own eyes getting heavier and heavier. Maybe a little nap wouldn’t hurt him — especially not after the whirlwind information he’s learned about his boyfriend tonight.

🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼

He wakes with a start to the sound of Wayne’s heavy boots and his keys hitting the ceramic dish Eddie made in middle school that Wayne cherishes. Peaking an eye open, he spots Eddie still snoozing on the couch.

Well, Steve thinks, now is the time if he’s going to confront the only other person in Eddie’s life who must know about his misguided beliefs. 

He stretches, letting a yawn help him deepen it until he rights himself and gets onto his feet. Padding into the kitchen, he finds Wayne with his back turned. A pot of water slowly grows to a boil on the Stove as he gathers ingredients from the fridge.

“Hey, Wayne,” Steve says.

A man of few words, Wayne grunts signaling for Steve to continue talking without even glancing over his shoulder in his direction.

“I don’t really know how to ask this. But, uh, does Eddie still believe in Santa?”

Steve watches as Wayne shoves whatever he is holding back into the fridge, slamming it shut with so much force the cereal boxes on top topple over. Eddie’s prized Honeycombs scatter across the linoleum, but Wayne doesn’t pay them any mind as he crosses the small kitchen and slams his hands down on the counter.

One stern glare is all it takes for Steve’s fight-or-flight response to kick in. His keys are right there in the ceramic dish. If he just reaches his hands, he can grab them and flee before whatever Wayne is going to do to him happens.

“Now, you listen here, boy,” Wayne says in that low tone of his before Steve can make his escape. “You better not ruin the Christmas magic for my son, you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” Steve says, voice shaking.

“Good. Now then,” Wayne says, turning his back to Steve. “Mind helpin’ me clean this mess up? Santa may be real, but that damn Cleaning Fairy he used’a believe in s’not.”

🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼 🎅🏼

The way I see it either Eddie and Wayne are playing an elaborate joke on Steve or Eddie does believe and when they eventually move in with each other, Steve keeps the charade up and plays Santa for Eddie.

[crimeronan]

I hope at some point Odalia will feel like she has to explicitly warn Amity about the plan having a high risk of failing if Darius learns about it :)

WAIT, GOD. THIS IS SO FUNNY. PLEASE

odalia: i remember when i won your father 💕 a battle hard fought!! it took months of careful strategy to destroy his relationship. apropos of nothing make sure darius is as uninvolved in your affairs as possible

amity, already having had darius involved in her affairs at LEAST once or twice when she accidentally injured hunter worse than intended: ["did you fuck my mom, santa claus??" voice] Mom. Did You Fuck Darius .

[lolahasmoxie]

Ready to Rumble - E.M.

I saw this post today. Enjoy.

PAIRING: Dad!Eddie & Mom!Reader

WARNINGS: Cursing, pregnancy talk, and fluff

COUNT: 1.4 K

NOTE: I was unhappy with the ending, so I fluffed it out a bit. Enjoy!

Divider by @firefly-graphics

It was a frigid winter day in Hawkins, and you had never been happier to pull up to your little house. The smoke from your chimney told you that Eddie and your son were already home and preparing for your return. December 24th had been spent picking up last-minute items for your get-together tomorrow and dropping off gifts in near sub-artic weather. Your bones were chilled, and you were thrilled to finally be home so you could fully relax for the holidays.

There was no need to announce your arrival; your son happily did that as he came running from his bedroom to tackle you at the garage door to the kitchen.

"Mommy!" Ozzy Wayne Munson was six years old and was the spitting image of Eddie. He had the same cow eyes, curly brown hair, and the same smile that could light up a room. You ran a hand over his curls as he buried his face against your hip, hugging you as hard as his little body could.

"Aw baby, did you miss me?" He nodded his head as you felt a hand on your waist and another gently gripping your chin and turning you to look up at a smiling Eddie.

"Hey, Mama," he said with a charming grin before pulling you towards him for a kiss. It was chaste but heartfelt, quickly making the winter chill in your bones disappear. But before you could press further, you were both interrupted by a gagging sound from below.

"You know, when you get a girlfriend, I'm going to do the same thing to you, buddy." You gently swatted Eddie in the chest before he turned and went back to the stove, the faint sound of "cock blocking gremlin" barely audible over Ozzy telling you about his day.

"Oh, guess what?" Ozzy asked. You sat at the kitchen table and pulled your son onto your lap, his little legs straddling your hips as he looked up at you with eager anticipation.

"What, my love?" Ozzy opened his mouth and grabbed his left front tooth with two little fingers. You opened your mouth in surprise when he started to wiggle it back and forth.

"I noticed it this morning; I've been wiggling it all day."

"Baby, I know you're excited about the Tooth Fairy, but you should be careful. You don't want to yank that tooth out before it's ready."

"I know, but I want it to come out tonight. It has to be tonight!"

"Why does it have to be tonight?" Eddie asked after putting a casserole dish in the oven. He wiped his hands on a dish towel while Ozzy sighed before turning away from you in your lap to face his father.

"Because if the tooth comes out tonight, then it means that the Tooth Fairy AND Santa Claus will be in my house at the same time."

"I guess it would be pretty rad if they met each other," Eddie said with a thoughtful look on his face. Ozzy nodded in agreement, his little body vibrating with excitement.

"I know! And then after they meet, they'll have to fight each other."

Eddie would have gone home with the gold if there were an Academy Award for keeping a straight face when your child says something alarming. He stared blankly at his son for a moment before his eyes glanced up at you. Because your son was facing away from you, your eyes had gone wide, and all you could do was mouth to Eddie, "WHAT THE FUCK,"

"Um, why do you think they would fight, buddy?"

"They could see who's more powerful, then the winner could rule ALL of the holiday figures, right, dad?"

"Sounds logical to me. Why don't you play while dinner finishes, okay?" Ozzy bounded off your lap and down the hallway. You and Eddie stand there perplexed for a moment before you both break into giggles and go about preparing the table for dinner.

It's almost 11pm when you make your way to the couch in the living room. Eddie is waiting for you in black sweatpants and a shirt with a picture of Krampus. He's got the plate of cookies Ozzy had prepared for Santa on the coffee table, and he smiles as he takes a boozy glass of eggnog from your hand. You settle between his legs and rest your back against his chest, clinking your glasses before taking sips of your drinks.

"I didn't think he would ever fall asleep." Eddie mused. Ozzy had been allowed to open one gift, and Eddie had handed him an illustrated children's version of The Hobbit. Of course, Ozzy had made Eddie read almost three chapters before he finally gave in to sleep.

"Makes sense since he's our spawn. But don't act like you weren't tickled fucking pink when he started asking about the Hobbit two months ago."

"I was, but not as happy as Ozzy was when his tooth fell out brushing his teeth."

"I can't believe we created a child who wants Santa and the Tooth Fairy to fight." You groaned as you ran a hand over your face.

"Yeah, we for sure created one weird-ass kid."

"You sure you still want to try for another one?" You asked, leaning back to look Eddie in the eye. Ever since Ozzy had turned three, you had both stopped using birth control and had taken an "if it happens, it happens" attitude. He smiles down at you before placing his drink on the table.

"For you? I would have a million weird-ass babies," You can't help but smile back at him as he leans down to kiss you softly. When he pulls back, he has a serious look on his pretty face.

"Thank you."

"Baby, for what?" you ask as you reach for his hand. He squeezes back as he thinks of what to say.

"I never thought I would have any of this; a house, a wife, a fucking kid. I was just the freak of Hawkins, a joke. Then you came along, making me feel like I matter, that I was worth something."

"Eddie," you say before sitting up and climbing onto your husband's lap. You cradle his face as you wait for him to say something.

"Yeah, Princess?" he asked as his hands found purchase on your hips. Your thumbs caressed his cheeks, and his vulnerability made you want to hunt down every person who broke him down to make him feel unworthy of love and affection.

"The ones who called you that in high school are fucking idiots. You are the best person I know. That adorable monster asleep in his bedroom is a good and kind person because that's who you are. He didn't get it from me; I threaten to fight people on the regular," Eddie chuckled as he gripped your hips a bit tighter.

"Don't remind me; I can still see Hopper's face after that whole laundromat incident”.

"And that bitch should have kept her mouth shut about us," you replied haughtily as if threatening to punch a woman in the face was the appropriate course of action. "Point is, you are my favorite person in the world. I would do anything for you because you deserve it, and I really hope we get to add a couple more weird-ass kids to the party in the future”.

Eddie's eyes were glassy as he looked up at you. You leaned in and kissed him gently, hoping to convey how much you really loved him. When you pulled back, he looked more at peace, and you knew that, at least for tonight, those demons wouldn't haunt him.

"Well," Eddie sighed. "We should probably set up and make it look like Santa came through here, yeah?" You smiled at him before wrapping your arms around his neck, pressing your chest to his. You smiled at how his breath hitched when he felt your lips against the shell of his ear.

"It's not even midnight; we have time. How about we finish these cookies, have another glass of nog, then you let me love on you a bit. Yeah?”.

In the morning, Ozzy woke up, and instead of heading to his parent's bedroom, he made a beeline for the living room. He looked around, first noticing the presents under the tree, then the plate of empty cookies he'd left for Santa on the coffee table. When he looked at the couch, he realized that some of the cushions were askew, and one was on the other side of the room near the TV. His little feet took him from the living room on the path to his parent's room; he couldn't wait to tell them about the battle between Santa and the Tooth Fairy.

[jo-harrington]

Rise of the Guardians

I can only imagine this is a request for Hymns and not just…asking what I think of the movie? (Because I love it. Jack Frost and Periwinkle from Secret of the Wings was a fluffy ship I had for a short bit.) I hope you enjoy this little blurb. It's a little...angsty.

(Literally poor timing as today is Halloween and this is set in December but idgaf.)

TW: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Eddie and Reader/OC have a little fight and then reconcile, but with a supernatural element involved.

Find Hymns of Heaven here.

And find the Master List for As Above, So Below here.

December 1984

Your night-in wasn’t supposed to be like this.

But that's what he always thought when the two of you fought. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Not with you.

And inevitably...it wasn't.

A little verbal tousle never led to anything disastrous or relationship-ending. It was just...him. His abandonment issues. His need to be...needed.

The night started pretty normally. December, talks of Christmas, a last-minute visit to K-Mart before it closed to get hot cocoa (and fuck around in the toy aisle because you both were still kids inside after all), and then you regaling Eddie with the origins of Santa Claus as he flipped through your shoebox full of cassettes for something decent to listen to.

"...the story of Saint Nicholas of Myra is cool, but I always liked the legend of the Guardians better."

"Guardians?" Eddie asked, only semi-present as he stared at the faded track listing on one tape to see just what it was.

"I read it in a book once," you explained. "The Guardians of Childhood. They're meant to protect children."

You went on and on and explained each of the Guardians, who they were and what they did. Wonder and memories and special surprises made with magic and happiness. Your hands gestured wildly as you spoke and it was easy to see the sparkle in your eyes as the street lights illuminated your face every so often.

But the longer you went and the more Eddie heard, the worse he felt.

The Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus.

He'd been hearing about them for most of his childhood. All of it. Heard about them, though. Never experienced.

He'd always felt...slighted.

Now, as an adult...hell...even back in his childhood he knew. Knew that those things weren't real.

When he lost a tooth growing up, his mom would pull together a handful of change from the tip jar at Benny's for the Tooth Fairy to leave him. He could hear her count the coins as he laid awake in bed, hoping to catch the elusive sprite that first night. He always said he lost the teeth from that point on, not wanting to be burdensome.

His family didn't celebrate Easter. He'd heard all of the "he is risen" crap from church-going classmates growing up. He always questioned how it tied in with rabbits and eggs and chocolate, with no definitive response. At best, he and Wayne indulged in Cadbury Eggs as a special treat every year, with a few stashed away at the back of the freezer whenever the mood struck. But the meaning of the holiday was lost on him.

And his dad had pretty much dashed all illusion of Santa Claus immediately when he was younger. He couldn't remember a time when there had been any extra gifts under their mediocre tree.

"Isn't it amazing?" you asked by the time you were climbing the steps and entering the trailer. “Like…ok…admittedly I kind of think kids are the worst but…Guardians protecting the innocence of children. It deserves to be protected.”

“Does it?” He asked flippantly as you went on about how fun it would be to go to the North Pole one day and see if Santa’s workshop was real. “Do they?”

“And he—w-what?” You furrowed your brow as you dropped the bag of cocoa and marshmallows on the counter in the kitchen.

“I don’t know about you,” he laughed dryly as he fell onto the couch. “But there was no one magical and fantastical protecting me. There was my mom, then Wayne and Rick, and now…now I look out for myself.”

“Eddie…I…” you looked like a deer in the headlights. At a loss for words.

He knew you didn’t mean any harm with your story, but he couldn’t help but bicker and bitch and yell. And when he finally turned his frustration onto you instead of his situation, your expression got darker. Because you weren’t going to stand there and take this misplaced anger.

And that’s all it was right? Bickering and picking and mourning the loss of a childhood and a loss of innocence in both of you. You had more in common than you had differences—

Shitty, absent parents whose only priorities were themselves.

A guardian who sacrificed everything for you, to their own detriment.

The obvious fact that you were different from everyone else and there was nothing you could do to change that.

The idea that you were the only ones in the world who could understand each others plight.

—it’s just when you got to feel bad for yourselves that it all turned to shit. Unable to see what the other saw because you couldn’t see past yourselves.

So, back and forth you both went. Deeper and deeper. You didn’t understand. No he didn’t understand.

“I would think,” you scoffed, tears streaming down your cheeks. “That you, out of everyone, would feel some kind of…kinship with this. I didn’t say it to make you feel bad Eddie. You protect all of those kids. Your friends. Me. Instead—”

“You’ve made it very clear, the only person you need to protect is yourself. You only care about yourself. Otherwise why…why would you keep all of these secrets from me?”

You choked a sob. It shook your entire body.

And suddenly he didn’t see red anymore.

He saw…you, his girlfriend, who knew how much he enjoyed magic and fantasy and whimsy as an escape. You, who enjoyed all manner of monsters and cryptids and tall tales as a way to connect with the world around you that, most times, didn’t want to connect back.

You, who didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of his bullshit.

After Eddie’s dad got sent away, his mom had a better head on her shoulders when it came to arguments. To protect herself, protect him. She always chose to walk away from a fight with Rick when one of them got mean. And taught Eddie to do the same.

“You’re gonna hear people say, don’t go to bed angry,” she told him once, as she tucked him into bed after a verbal tousle. He’d asked if they were ever gonna see Rick again. “But that just encourages people to fight more until it’s over. You want to go to bed. Because the Sandman will bring good dreams and help you realize how silly it all was in the first place.”

And that was the philosophy you both had agreed to after your first fight, over Mountain Dew of all things.

So he knew, now, once you controlled your tears, controlled your breathing, that was what you were planning to do. And he couldn’t object. Keys in hand, coat shrugged back on so you could trek out to your car. No goodbye. Because sleep would make it all better.

It had to.

He’d just sat down with his head, full of regrets, in his hands when you knocked on the door, needing to get back in.

“Car won’t start,” you whispered, unable to look him in the eye.

“I can take a look in the morning,” he offered weakly. “You can have my room. I’ll sleep on Wayne’s bed, not like he’s here to mind.”

The two of you went through the motions, calming yourselves down but still not ready for a kiss goodnight.

Eddie fell asleep with the sound of your soft sobs echoing in his ears, whether they were real or imagined.

It was Pitch Black and his thoughts swirled around him.

Literally.

They took the form of spectral creatures, smoky and abyss-like phantasms that grabbed and pinched at his skin.

He was tied down on the ground, held by each of his limbs, by his throat. He choked on his apologies.

“Please please, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you the way I did.”

They bit and pulled and tore at pieces of him. Filled his mind with dark thoughts. Images of you crying, screaming, burning in fire.

“Please no. Forgive me. I fucked up. I fucked up.”

And then…

They stopped.

He was released in a puff of smoke, the inky, insidious tendrils evaporated and he was left to lay…on a glowing golden cloud.

Eddie looked around and saw…in the distant darkness…another cloud lazily approached. And on it there was a rotund little man with glowing skin and a beatific smile. His eyes crinkled as he got close enough to Eddie where their two clouds merged to become one.

“Who…are you?” Eddie asked dumbly. “Is…”

The man grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet.

“Is she ok?” He felt relieved when the man nodded sympathetically. “Where are we?”

The man’s eyes closed and the void they were in brightened to reveal…

Unicorns and sword-wielding elves and a palace spire that reached the sky. A stage with a crowd of roaring fans, a large gaming table with a group of eager participants, a comfy sofa and a coffee table with a bowl of popcorn and two steaming mugs of cocoa resting atop it.

All made of golden dust.

“Dreams,” he muttered. “My dreams.”

One of the man’s hands landed on Eddie’s shoulder and the other over his heart. He pressed down carefully and raised a brow in question.

“I do love her,” he whispered to the man, easily able to understand despite the silence. The man patted his hand twice. “And I know. She loves me too.”

The man’s brow became stern and his fist clenched then knocked on Eddie’s chest again. Eddie frowned, and then the man huffed a sigh. Above his head gold dust swirled and suddenly…there you were. A tiny version of you with a sword in one hand and shield in the other. You slashed and hacked as the gold dust turned black and attacked you.

“She’s…” He nodded. “She’s protecting me.”

The man smiled and nodded, the little dust mirage disappeared.

His hands then went and cupped Eddie’s face. He leaned in close and pressed a kiss to Eddie’s forehead.

For the briefest second, Eddie felt the most serene than he had felt in his entire life.

And then it all disappeared.

He woke with a start, tears dripping down his face.

It was dawn, the living room glowed with the rising sun, and you were there. Puffy-eyed and somber, with your hands on his cheeks.

“Hey it’s ok,” you told him. “It was just a nightmare.”

“No, no,” he shook his head. “It’s…it was…it was a dream.”

“Yeah?” You quirked a smile at him. Before you could make a joke, he was upright, engulfing you in a tight hug. “You, uh…sure it wasn’t a nightmare?”

“I’m sure,” he spoke, words muffled in your neck as he willed himself to become one with you. To no avail, of course. Your hand ran over his back, through his hair and you let him have the time he needed.

“Did you know…” he finally spoke. “Did you know that the Sandman is a Guardian?”

You got stiff for a moment, body immediately on the defensive, but as he pulled away to look at you with—he hoped—an apologetic gaze, you relaxed.

“Oh yeah?”

It wasn’t an apology. He could get to that later. But it was enough of one for now, one that you were willing to accept.

“He is the Guardian of Dreams. And he…he doesn’t talk. Did you know that?”

“Well obviously he doesn’t want to wake anyone up,” you gave him a small nod and a smile.

Eddie thought about it for a moment.

“…that actually makes sense.” He pressed his lips to yours for briefly. “I was so…occupied with what I didn’t have that I forgot what it was that I did.”

“Your dreams?”

“Yeah.”

He’d always been a dreamer. Always thought of fantastical far away lands and the most epic future. Filled with adventure and laughter. Friends and fans.

But there was one dream that was his reality, and he would never forget it again.

“And you.”

[deeenjoyer]

thinking of doing a comic version of a couple classic sunny scenes for practice. pick one or you’ll get em all