#did this in a very short period of time
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Decided to participate in another SOTW in the TSBS Discord!
Had to speedrun it at the end cuz ran out of time, sadly. Couldn't add everything I wanted to add, but oh well qwq
Just a banner for an imaginary SAMS takeover :3
#didn’t really like how it looked right when I finished this#but now looking at it the next morning it looks pretty good actually#did this in a very short period of time#surprised I got it done lol#tsams#sams nexus#tsams nexus#sams dark sun#tsams dark sun#tsbs sotw#sotw#banner#dxrk draws
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I have traveled far beyond the path of reason, take me back to Eden
edit: more context in the tags of the root post
#sleep token#sleep token fanart#levynn tries to draw#so the thought behind this..#there was a lot but in short#the concept is that the moth represents vessel mostly#the masks are the past cycles or states of being#essentially they represent the past selves of the individual#and the moth is chasing those past memories and feelings and familiar things even if they kill it#and Sleep is basically trying to protect them from that#by physically pulling them back#but i wanted to have the tentacles a sort of insect like feel to them#to somewhat evoke a spider in a way so that protection still probably going to harm the moth#and beyond that maybe even play on the idea of it trapping the insect and maybe even consume it up after a period of time#so the moth is both trying to escape that reach but also chasing that pull of the beacon like familiarity of the past#there is no escape#there is no reason left#no options just what is behind and what is in front#stuck between the two#in a way this is an iteration on my idea of the vessel failing and getting lost on the journey at the very end#anyway this was a fun little one day project and i hope you enjoy it at least half as much as i did drawing it
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Holy fuck, man. What a trip Fearne has been on, huh?
You tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life, you flatter her, you tell her you need her, that you have to do this together. You have her make a promise that has this woman, born of chaos and fey, agreeing through shaking hands and a trembling voice.
You make her deceive your friends; you make her follow where they cannot know; you make her help you into this contraption; you make her feed this thing into you despite the fact that you both have been warned extensively of the risks. You make her watch you crumble and splinter and shatter and fracture and burst and implode. You make her watch you die, over and over and over and over, for a minute in agonizing bullet time.
You make her do all these things, because when she tries to back out, when she tries to not be the one who let you do this—how could you do this—
you tell her, "YOU PROMISED."
Because if there's one thing you know, it's that the fey do not break a promise.
#cant wait for her to fucking pissed for a very long time. shes really packing the entire human experience in a very short period of time.#critical role#cr spoilers#c3e77#fearne calloway#ashton greymoore#bells hells#just gonna get ahead of the um actually mfs and state that i am aware that its not confirmed that thats why ash brought up the promise#but boy howdy would it make for some great drama down the line huh?#edit: apparently i did not get ahead enough cuz ive had to turn off replies#since ppl were somehow interpreting this mini introspection piece as me infantilizing fearne??#anyway the first line is now changed to something a bit more neutral. after sleeping on it i do see how it was a bit aggressive at the top#other than that im not sure how else to reword without completely disregarding the core of the post#i might make more posts addressing this but im not sure yet. i wanna try to approach it in the best way possible.#but if it helps any the point of the post was not to say fearne had no agency. she had plenty of moments where she tilted one way or the#other. the POINT was to just shine some light on the emotional pressure she had been put under.#hasnt your friend ever asked you to keep a secret or promise that felt wrong or unsafe or made you anxious?#it has nothing to do with the amount of agency she had. ash wasnt holding a knife to her throat and forcing her to follow against her will#all i was trying to do was take this detail about his reminder of the promise that i thought was interesting and have some fun writing an#overview of the kinda stress she was under BEFORE theyd reached that scene. this entire ep was everyone discussing how grateful they were#for this family theyd made. and while im not saying ash was PURPOSELY emotionally manipulating fearne..#there is a level of unintentional manipulation when you pair the severity of his request with the convo theyd had 2 seconds prior#as well as the desperate need they all have to save each other NO MATTER WHAT.#ash was giving incredibly strong energy of a friend who peer pressures you into helping them do something that you know in your gut WILL#cause problems. hes a fucked up guy. theyre all fucked up guys. even if he didnt mean to “force” her into anything the pressure was THERE.#<- i feel like all of this overall gets my message across. i think maybe ill clean it up later into its own post.#im gonna try not to rush myself to get it done tho.#im under no obligation to explain myself. especially when ppl approach the misunderstanding by being rude af. but i do think it CAN#be clarified so id at least like to try to some degree
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Fine, I'll admit it. With long hair...
He's very attractive. He really is.
But, he's a harebrained trend chaser, who will butcher his good looks for fickle fashion.
He also looks like he should be wearing a kilt, not a cloak. Because of the long red hair, not David's nationality.
#good omens#crowley#good omens crowley#diary pages#good omens fandom#fine he's handsome hot even#but he's a trend chaser#no i get adapting and that he'd need to have short hair in certain time periods like the roman empire#but when one can why not return to your best looks - he seems like he ditched the mane forever#crowley you stupid idiot moron#also did he come from hell or did he escape from braveheard he looks scottish with a trademark sign#maybe it's a bi girl thing maybe it's a me thing but men usually have to have long hair for me to find them attractive#there are exeptions paul bettany as michael in legion the frontman of behemoth even michael langdon#don't get me wrong david's a very good looking man but he's not eye candy short haired XD#tbh everyone men AND women are mostly attractive me with long hair#good omens gifs#my gifs#david tennant#trend chasing is lame tbh some style choices are to be timeless#wait speaking of that does he wear the sunglasses so people wouldn't assume he's wearing colored contacts#me to my fem!Crowley: my baby#me to regular Crowley: you stupid idiot moron
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one of my best friends is about to have a baby today........... so weird to be on the periphery of something so life changing. I want to go "life is going to change forever" as if it hasn't already
#I was thinking last night about how different we both are from the versions of us that were being young and active and busy and fit in pgh#before the pandemic and before her very targeted focused dating efforts yielded her the result she wanted (her now-husband)#[also I don't say that cattily lol she had the most coolheaded and down-to-business approach to dating bc she knew what she wanted.#and it worked!]#anyways I think back on that halcyon year of 2019 when we went to spin classes and spent every weekend doing something#or hanging out in her tiny mt. washington studio where we could watch downtown buzz at night#truly it was such a short period of time in retrospect. she convinced me to move here + then a year and a half later the whole world changed#and so too did we#I miss the her of those years (and I miss the me) but I'm making peace with not getting her back. it's cool to see her on this new journey#which she has worked so very hard for. like I cannot overstate the methodical and intentional way in which she has shaped her life to be#what she wants out of it. accounting for many bumps along the way that she's weathered admirably.#anyways within the next 48 hours she should be a mom. that's crazy#I feel weird when everyone around me is making lifechanging moves while I'm ''ho hum where should I go on vacation in the next 2 years'' lol#ay yai yai. strange to not want things other people want and being fine with that until you start losing touchpoints with your peers#then you're like. hang on now. what am I supposed to be doing right now
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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Aaooughh razclem on the brain
#they’re sosososo interesting to me#I hc that Clem had a crush on Raz back at camp#also that he got attached to Raz since from what Raz says abt his dad before meat circus ( ie him being anti psychic )#Clem related super hard bc his own dad is very anti psychic ( also just an overall abusive person )#so when he actually meets Augustus in that short period of time before RoR/Pn2#and finds out that he’s actually a decent person#Clem is kinda crushed bc he thought he had someone who had a similar struggle to him#which festers into a bitter jealousy when he’s older#which isn’t helped by the fact when Clem joins the intern program Raz is kinda dead set on trying to help Clem with his issues#bc Raz feels really guilty for not realizing back at camp#( he doesn’t do the walking on eggshells thing like he did with Crystal though )#but due to Clems attitude he starts to get worn down#Crystal even warns Raz not to push himself to help Clem at the expense of his mental health/well being#bc she herself was in a very similar position before she and Clem had their falling out#but Raz doesn’t listen and eventually Clem goes too far and makes a really nasty remark about Razs family ( possibly maligua related )#and Raz loses it#he and Clem get into a huge fight and after that they avoid eachother or get into arguments with eachother#I have many more thoughts abt this but I’m gonna run out of tags lol#psychonauts#clem foote#razputin aquato
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another fun episode from my life was this march when my grandmother was still in limbo following her botched heart surgery (exactly what it sounds like) and my therapist asked me what my emotional state had been like lately and I told her that a week or so ago my mother had bashfully texted me saying she had taken $+100 from my checking account for groceries and I said oh okay! don't worry about it I don't mind :D (the knowledge of her shame in having to ask me for money and the responsibility of providing for my family weigh on me heavily but I didn't want to tell her that because of. the shame. so I didn't!) and then when my brother texted me about how I was feeling I said I was sad about our grandma being transferred to yet another hospital (he didn't know about this. he learned about it when I told him) and he said Cheer Up. She Wouldn't Want That For You. wait no not like that I didn't mean it to sound that harsh :( and I texted him back oh that happens. I don't take it personally. and irl I burst into tears. and my therapist said yeah I think if that happened to me I would cry too
#bolo speaks#I made daily attempts to call my grandmother for weeks since we were in different cities. a lot of the time she couldn't pick up#because of her fatigue or she could but she could only talk for a very short time (because of the fatigue)#but it made me so happy when she did.#anyway. to quote one of my calls with her from this period ''I feel like a real adult crying about health and money this much''
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okay fine. puppy is getting uppy. I GUESS
#sleep centre of my brain is clearly undergoing some kind of metamorphosis this is very unusual for me#even in times of mania (which I have considered) it's always been a struggle at getting to sleep. or. I guess sleeping very short amounts#did mean that I was waking up earlier than preferred#but that was like 0-3 hours during those periods. I slept like 6 hours last night#I'm not manic I'm just doing what I want to do and having fun and sleeping slightly less than ideal#only normal and hot levels of insanity here
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this next period im gonna get soon is going to wreck me bc i’ve never cried so much over random things like i have this past week lol
#kai.rambles#i usually already get super emotional before my period but this week dude?!?!?#i’ve cried over food#cried over small situations#cried from seeing vids on tiktok of dogs just doing doggy things#alex’s recent fic has popped in and out of my head multiple times at the most inconvenient times and ive cried each time#if you see this pls know that i will go back to your page soon to read the being stuck in the tundra w/ kats one soon-#it’s just i feel im gonna cry again when i read it so im waiting a bit BUT I WILL READ IT I PROMISE 🥹#anyways ive cried over bkg still being dead but that’s normal at this point#even cried about my new comm last night bc it’s so pretty#where i live we have a lot of macaws flying around and they are very loyal to their partners and will sit on random places calling out to-#their lover so they can find eachother and continue flying together if one stays a little behind#and one did that right outside my window on one of the mango trees and it was so beautiful to see one so close that i also cried when i saw-#them reunite and fly off together :(((#long story short ive been a crybaby all week 🥲
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Decided to participate in another SOTW in the TSBS Discord!
Had to speedrun it at the end cuz ran out of time, sadly. Couldn't add everything I wanted to add, but oh well qwq
Just a banner for an imaginary SAMS takeover :3
#didn’t really like how it looked right when I finished this#but now looking at it the next morning it looks pretty good actually#did this in a very short period of time#surprised I got it done lol#tsams#sams nexus#tsams nexus#sams dark sun#tsams dark sun#tsbs sotw#sotw#banner#dxrk draws
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everyone has some pretty reasonable dynamics and then there's soleil and gale
#plum charas#detailing in tags#soleil and astarion consider each other partners and equals beyond just lovers#but i went by the chart for this one rather than changing things for them#soleil did find amusement in gales nerdy flirting and thought it was cute but when given an ultimatum he chose astarion#gale got very upset about tav and astarion dating in my game after flirting with them constantly#so for a short period of time things were kind of awkward between them#but now they consider each other like close family friends (gale still likes soleil but respects their feelings)#halsin and soleil consider each other friends. both are attracted to each other but halsin moreso than soleil#jaheira and soleil consider each other friends but they didn't bomd as much as everyone who was around earlier (esp origin charas)#still they hold each other both in high regards and respect for each other#karlach and wyll both are very good friends to soleil. however i found them late in act 1 (i didn't know where to find them before) and by#then i already had much more relationship built with the party i was running with (shadowheart laezel and swapping gale and astarion#depending on the fight and if i need another spellcaster or a mobile melee)#plus i had kitted laezel to be my tank and soleil is already a warlock so i really didnt have them in my party except to do their personal#quests#but i still got pretty high approvals from them so theyre still very good friends#karlach went to avernus with wyll in my playthrough so i like to think every once and awhile the pop back up on the prime material for a hi#and vice versa with soleil and astarion finding a way to avernus to say hello#soleil also had a small puppy love crush on wyll but it was mostly attraction since they didn't persue anything#laezel and shadowheart are both very best friends with soleil and laezel still keeps in contact using the rary bond ring#both liked soleil in early game but soleil admitted they were nblm so they weren't interested back#laezel still feels admiration for them as a leader and helping in freeing orpheus and aiding laezel however they can against vlakith but#doesnt oersue for obvious reasons. shadowheart just overcame her feelings and treasures their friendship more#and sorry to minthara but i killed her. whoops#over all i like to think everyone (especially the origin charas) (minus minthara ofc) meet up regularly for reunions at whoevers home to#catch up and be together and very found family vibes. plus with the rary bond ring they can still talk whenever theyd like anyways#because im a sucker for found family#i also have my headcanons for everyone dynamics together outside of tav but. for another time#a very pan rambles set of tags
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unironically Jurassic World Dominion was great and I had a wonderful time watching it, even if it took me about three times as long as the actual movie (and I watched the extended edition).
also I think they might have taken notes from the SW ST on what not to do with the original trio. but like? the nostalgia and callbacks were perfectly done. it fixed some of the missing pieces of the earlier two JW movies. also I love to see a stupid evil billionaire get eaten by dinosaurs (in a great callback scene).
#going through all six of these movies in a relatively short period of time#and the succession of things that happen to stupid evil billionaires has been very cathartic#hammond was a theme park guy and he just genuinely wanted to make people happy#masrani was a guy who wanted to have a theme park#the rest were uh. well. they weren't quite stupid enough to be realistic but dodgson was the closest to *gestures vaguely at twitter*#did I start crying when alan and ellie were onscreen together? MAYBE.#I don't find the new kids that interesting but blue is a very good girl#bedlam watches movies
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I’m going through my copy of The Lady Tars and this was just incredible.
William Brown (birth name is unknown) may have been the first black woman to serve in the British Royal Navy. While the book here says Brown served for 11 years as captain of the maintop (others say capt. of the foretop), there’s another conflicting account that has her rated as a landsman in the ship’s muster. The Times wrote about her and this is the main source that she was a foretopman. The paper also says that Brown intended to enlist again as a volunteer and it’s completely plausible she did. However, it’s completely unknown either way. What is known indisputably is there was a young black woman from Granada going by the name of William Brown serving on the H.M.S. Queen Charlotte in 1815.
#ripping my hair out coz yes. there was a woman going by William Brown in the navy in 1815#but that’s about all that can be verified#and the fact that there’s this conflicting account from The Times drives me up the walls#I want these people to have been better remembered and personally that’s where the genuine tragedy lies#did she re-enlist? did she have prize money? did she serve for a few weeks or over a decade??#more than likely she wasn’t a capt. of the main or foretop#especially if she really did only serve for a short period#there’s just a sadness in it that we don’t even know her story or really anything about her#that’s why I’ve been reading about all the polly olivers in the navy#but yeah. incredible that she even DID that#I hope she lived a good life#that’s all. I don’t like wild speculation when researching historical persons as tempting as it can be#so I only hope and wish the rest of her life was a good one#also it’s just so important to know these stories or what we can learn of them#a man (or woman) is only dead when their name is no longer spoken#I want to help keep these women alive for as long as I can#also PLEASE double check your sources! I ran into a few instances where person A just makes stuff up about person B’s findings so. please.#I don’t like making assumptions based on what *I* want to be true either so again. there’s very little known about her so take all this#with a few grains of salt#william brown#age of sail#history#women in the navy#(also frustrating coz William Brown was/is a pretty common name…)#I found a couple of other sources talking about her so I’m gonna see if there’s ANYTHING else I can find out#black history#I’ll come back to this and write it clearer. I’m running on fumes#also should add that The Lady Tars is a compilation of auto/biographies of 3 women and this is just from the foreword#but I need to nap rn
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This really is the Vibe of being in the Elimetri fandom since 2021 and watching everyone else slowly trickle out :(
Not people saying “Fandom has always been like this” in that vent post I made. No. It hasn’t always been like this. Fandom has NEVER been like this until recently and if you were in fandom pre-tumblr purge, pre-twitter, pre-netflix boom, pre-tiktok….then you would fucking know it was nothing like this.
We still had the drive to create. We still sold prints and charms and made zines…but it was never like this.
The introduction of streaming, binge shows that drop all at once, tiktok and vine RIP i still love u vine but you were the beginning of a particularly ugly era) creating this bite sized, quick paced ‘content’ era of creation and it bled out into fucking everything else.
Fandoms didn’t die down when the show ended or the season was over. You didn’t mass unfollow artist, writers or moots just because they changed fandoms. There wasn’t this need to please the algorithm in order for your posts to get seen by people and enjoyed.
Fandoms used to last YEARS. Star Trek is literally the oldest running fandom out there and you got people in there that could care less about the new stuff and still have been happily prancing through their fucking fifty year old fandom today. Hell, even SPN after all it’s fuckups and shitshows has a dedicated fanbase STILL creating tons of art and fic.
There is no patience anymore. No calm feeling of taking in fandom and friends at a pace that which doesn’t make you stressed and is still fun.
Do I blame fandom for this? Of course not, but people are complacent with it and start changing their vocab to accommodate and end up making the situation so deep it cant be fixed.
We call Art & Fic Content now, completely stripping the value of what it is to a level of consumerism instead of personal entertainment & community bonding.
#Like. My posts get SO much less notes and interaction than they once did#I remember early 2021 there was such a large passionate community!!!#And it bums me out because like#Where did that passion go where did y’all go#And on some level I get it because prior to CK I rarely stayed in fandoms for longer than like a year#But the Elimetri fandom seemed so dedicated and enthusiastic#And it makes me so sad that all that seemed to dissolve in a relatively short period of time#And like yeah it’s the between season lull and we barely got fed last season#But what of the AUs??? The character studies??? The missing scenes???#It’s just me and a handful of others doing them in this post-apocalyptic wasteland I guess lmao#Anyways I’m actually very glad S6 got delayed because that’s more time before this fandom evaporates completely akfxgrd#binary boyfriends#elimetri#hawkmeat#hawkmetri
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I feel Bad
#am I getting sick?#I don't know I don't get sick often#I might just be tired and anxious but I'm tired and anxious a lot and it doesn't normally feel like this#and I have an audition 🫠 for the community theatre show this summer#which is Anastasia which is not a very good musical btw#I am wearing a dress and I do not like it#I just had my mom take a picture of me because I need a headshot and I#don't take pictures of myself#unless I look especially gay and that's not. what I need rn anyway#here's the thing about auditions#I will not get a main role#which is fine#so many talented women in my area wow#but I WILL be upset by this#even though I have been trying to talk myself down this whole time#and then I will get over it and have a great time this summer but like that short period of time is gonna suck real bad#also I was definitely singing better earlier in the week I cannot sing right now wtf#I feel miserable and unwell and ridiculous#and I am trying very hard not to make a mountain out of a mole hill because it's going to be FINE#I am trying not to catastrophize it's not working#I CAN'T cry it will ruin my voice#I did not practice enough I am going to forget the words#everyone is going to laugh at me in my stupid little black dress HATE#I don't even have pockets this sucks so bad#and I have preemptively chicked out of going to the pflag game night afterwards#AGAIN#cuz I just can't even though the proximity of the two events is why I chose this time slot#thought I was being fucking clever or something
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