#did other countries even have the clangers?

[woodsie]

[cute, harmonious beeping]

[sternerstufftoys]

Don’t Kickback In Anger

The year is 1985. England have somehow won the Ashes. Supergran has been unleashed on an unsuspecting nation. In the charts Dead or Alive are spinning right round right baby right round like a record baby. And the Decepticons got a little creepy crawly...

The Insecticons were always there. They were a stalwart, a reliable background troop of mooks for the baddies to fall back on when the big names weren't enough to carry the day. Much like the Constructicons (who debuted around the same time) Kickback and the gang never quite rose to A-list status despite a few notable appearances. For me, as always, it's the Marvel comic which has left the strongest impression, with them acting as enforcers for Straxus on Cybertron and getting all sneaky and bug-like when they arrived on earth. But mostly there were there to fill out the numbers, and the ability to clone themselves used in the cartoon was presumably considered a workaround for the perennial problem of the Decepticons being horribly outnumbered. Turns out good-guy toys sell better, who knew?

But then everything above could be said about any of the three Insecticons. What's Kickback got that the others don't? Bombshell can take control of your brains, Shrapnel can shoot lightning... these are some hefty superpowers right there. Kickback... kicks. I mean, he's good at kicking, don't get me wrong. But alongside Professor X and Thor, Eric Cantona is looking a little out of his league. He didn't even get the fun little speech quirk that Shrapnel got. Yeah, objectively Kickback is the least effective of the three Insecticons, which is something of a shame considering his bio makes him out to be a smooth-talking con artist that makes friends easily, even among humans. That would have been great to see! Ah well.

Luckily, in toy form Kickback has a lot going for him, especially in this Titans Return incarnation. The only one with translucent bits, the only one with a flip out chest/pilot seat and the most poseable of the bunch by a country mile. Despite his small size, Kickback has a striking figure, with well-proportioned limbs and a headsculpt that stands out for just how cool he appears, in a 1985-version-of-cool kind of way, of course. Wraparound shades will never go out of style (until 1986 when The Dark Knight Returns put them out of style forever). No accessories, which for the other two wouldn't have been such a problem, but makes it all the more important that Kickback Paddywhack gets in close to deliver a swift knee to the clangers of his enemy, otherwise he's not such an imposing presence on the battlefield. I kind of imagine him as more of a civilian liaison for the Decepticons, recruiting fresh cannon fodder on Cybertron and negotiating with various ne'er-do-wells on Earth, and only getting involved on the battlefield when he has to.

Transformation is a lot less fiddly than Bombshell and doesn't have the super-stiff joints of Shrapnel, and so long as you can get his arms to form the insect butt you're well away. He's not a bad little grasshopper all told, despite the cheeky cheat of having the robot head just snuggle down inside the insect head. While it's hardly a very poseable beastie this is probably for the best. Young'uns won't remember the days of Beast Wars bugs having ball joints at every opportunity, and inevitably buckling under the weight. A harrowing reminder that articulation doesn't always lend itself to poseability.

The translucent robot chest becomes more of a feature in this mode as well, flipping up like it did on the G1 toy to reveal a cockpit... which inevitably is far too small for titan masters to sit inside, and operates more like a saddle than a cockpit. Or, if you're feeling retro like me, plonk a Diaclone pilot in there. The Waruders are reborn! It would have been nice to have had a proper cockpit, as the rest of the legends size class could comfortably seat titan masters and close up after them, but it would have come at the expense of a big chonk of a robot belly, so we're probably better served this way.

Okay sure. Kickback may have been poorly served in the superpowers department, but he's definitely come out on top in terms of toy representation. Bombshell's colours and insect legs don't match up to his brethren, and Shrapnel's big solid yellow chest feels a bit lacklustre next to Kickback's gleaming transluscoguts. It would have been nice to have got an Energon cube to stash away in there though, something which has still eluded mainline transformers. It's just a little plastic cube. It's not the most complicated thing to manufacture, I'm sure. Oh well.

[falkenscreen]

JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM

These films are better the second you realise they don’t take place on earth.

Yes it looks like our world but New York et al is merely the stage not the setting on which this tale elapses. With the Greek, Roman and altogether classical symbolism more blatantly rampant here than ever before, John Wick (Keanu Reeves) is not of our world, he is a Demigod; scrambling to complete his tasks before the high table of Olympus.

References to rowboats, passage to the underworld, Dante etc being only a little more complex than can be found in a Dan Brown novel are by the by however. Returning Director Chad Stahelski, too Reeves’ stunt double across innumerable projects, assures us this universe is never so interested in it’s symbolism than the creative ways Wick can kill his ever-growing horde of pursuers.

Having John dispatch his first with a copy of Dante’s Inferno should drive the point home for anyone still thinking that this series has aspirations far beyond some of the most captivating, kinetically staged fight sequences in recent mainstream cinema.  

And the sequences are thrilling, with Reeves and his long-time collaborator behind the camera sharing a partnership rarely seen in film. Permitting a dynamism between cast and crew as interchangeable and seamless as ever, the talented creatives and indeed star being familiar and able to rely on each other to such a degree both grounds and illuminates the action either when Reeves is so evidently performing a dangerous stunt or one by it’s nature near-imperceptibly demands a stand-in.

It near goes without saying that Reeves is excellent in this role. It’s his best one to date; ideally suited to his emphatic if finite acting range. Fans of one of Hollywood’s most debated stars will relish his deadpan, rage-filled return.

Parabellum ramps it up for several sequences featuring among several prominent martial artists Yayan Ruhian and Cecep Arif Rahman, both veterans of The Raid series; too a clear influence on the Wick films. One mirror-filled encounter, if a carbon copy in respects of John Wick 2’spenultimate clanger, is still transfixing to watch; the nicely foreshadowed addition of something as seemingly mundane as a belt being handled beautifully.

Mark Dacascos is the best of the bunch as Zero; a Wick fanboy and biggest foe. He is the only counter who is given much personality in this, save Asia Kate Dillon’s ‘Adjudicator,’ yet another symbol-ridden advent well-framed against the conveniently fiery dungeons of the Continental. Lance Reddick’s Concierge Charon, here returning for a third outing, gets a little bit more to do this time around with some welcome character development beyond being relegated to the wallflowers. Ian McShane does his God/Demigod thing.

Halle Berry joins proceedings as another Continental manager who deserves a film all on her own. Game of Thrones veteran/90’s heartthrob Jerome Flynn rocks up with a terrible Vito Corleone impression to cash in a paycheck.

Now to the plot dear me. Yes the answer to whether a film doesn’t have a plot is sometimes “but did you enjoy it” yet good films, and the first two Wick flicks certainly count among those, almost always have one to speak of.

Immediately picking up from the first sequel’s conclusion, John is now excommunicado (one of the film’s most entertainingly symbolic flourishes); running for his life from everyone in New York City – because everyone in New York is an assassin. Keeping this up for the better part of the first hour the initial action sequences, including one that takes place in what can only be an antique knife store, are the best of the film as fights, if brazen, become heavily repetitive.

Introducing a plot sometime around the second act it’s all over in 20 minutes and just a pretext for John to reunite with some other folk before carnage reignites. No the plot was not the best thing about the first John Wick film but it gave it a fun basis for striving in such creative directions; it’s simplicity endearing beyond all else. The absence of anything even remotely constituting the thought that went into the backbones of the first two films does not recommend Parabellum, nor do the attitudes of the villains to John.

Much of what drove John Wick was the incessant underestimation of John as his opponents, alongside us, gradually come to reckon with the extent of his destructive power. There’s no such turnaround here; with everyone primed and ready we get no such satisfactory arc for our main guy.

Moreover, for a film built on a universe of stated order, it annoyingly breaks its own rules. Seen not just in a needless subversion of the Continental rules at the moment John makes it to the hotel, the Adjudicator strangely goes out of their way to punish one of John’s allies for collaborating with him in the last entry even though they had clearly been acting according to the same laws handed down to everyone else.

When John does visit a locale that is not his home, the energy of the world wanes as the premise of simply anyone and everyone being an assassin nay resonates so strong. What makes the New York setting so palpable is simply, as McShane’s Winston pointedly elucidates, that such a world can exist within the hilariously exaggerated confines of this city as many are predictably busy doing their own thing and might not bother so much as to whether assassins’ games were going on around them. It doesn’t ring true in Parabellum’s other, much more traditional setting, nor in a confrontation in the middle of New York’s busiest transport hub where characters can inexplicably, frustratingly vanish.

It’s fine to imagine this world, as this author prefers, as one that only resembles our own to the extent that it is a backdrop, or otherwise a version of our planet where seeming millions of well-trained slaughterers can teem just beneath the surface. Recommending the Wick series as a classical, modern-set parable is fine, yet that doesn’t fly when this sequel makes ostensible strides to affirm the real-world setting while having characters miraculously evaporate into thin air or survive things no mortal possibly could.

Either direction is fine, you just can’t have it both ways. To note even Hercules, in most adaptations, had well-defined physical limits; no such luck for stretches here. When the symbolism does reach its height during an escapade in the wilderness it’s to diminishing effect in what is the least impressive sequence in the entire now saga.

We do thankfully get a little more insight into John’s world or underworld as you might have it with Anjelica Huston entering the fray, though why Belarus is always the go-to nondescript reference for intendedly clandestine action films where they don’t want to make up a country I’ll never know; it’s not that difficult to find on a map.

The ending embraces John Wick’s B movie roots more than anything to date; the series’ strongest departure from that otherwise roundly evinced as prestige schlock fare. Resembling favourite third person shooters in whole episodes as Wick dispatches differently-uniformed assailants depending on their garb with increasing numbers of shots, come for the action but really try not to think too hard about all this.  

John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum is in cinemas now

[the-warmesthello]

dr. baron von nazi as billy bragg songs time!! because even though he's my least favourite character, he matches a couple of my favourite songs and i'm thinking about those right now.

the few (original song) (my preferred version)

this song is definitely about england, and baron is german, but that's a trivial limitation and most of the lyrics still make sense if you change the country.

(the third line doesn't work for him but) the general tone of this song is about the power trip fascists tend to go on, and only picking on people that can be scared with bigotry instead of actual intimidation is kind of a pathetic thing to do and would be funny if it weren't a real problem. baron is a satirical version of that kind of person.

i mean... you get it. he doesn't see anything as real and refuses to accept anything more complex than other people bad, my childhood good. to take the first line out of context, it feels similar to when he and the dma are about to shoot the prince; orchestrating things up in the stands instead of where the action is on the field.

in having such an intense emotional reaction to the assassination without consulting facts, vanger borschtit makes baron's plan look like a 'big bad' situation and creates more fear, which is exactly what he wants.

this is his whole plan.

not so bad.

self explanatory.

now, i don't think this applies to the literal 'society that spawned [him]', the child. i think it's more applicable to how he managed to get to be THE nazi guy as an adult, with as much power as he had in canon. even if chimera knew him to be a pathetic puppet, he still had enough behind him that it was worth manipulating him. so how did the post ww2 climate get to that point? why would people follow him, and was it to do with something innate to them? (no)

goalhanger (original song) (my preferred version)

this one's tempting to do a line by line analysis but that's really annoying for my desktop clutter so i won't. btw this song is so bitchy and i love it.

this guy's charisma is -900000000. we only see him when he's trying to seem powerful but tell me he isn't like this when someone has authority over him.

what a bitch.

nazis, when they don't have any structural power, are like this in general, but brian does a really good job showing it with baron.

this one is just vibes based i think. i stand by it.

he's trying so hard to be a big boy involved in big boy politics, but he's actually just annoying.

again, he sees other people as pawns in a game and not actual people whose lives he's ruining. unfortunately, that's on purpose, and even more unfortunately, he's very bad at political chess.

(i didn't know this before looking it up, but a goalhanger is a person who stays near the opponents' goal so they can get easy goals without doing any of the work. also a clanger is a blunder, mistake, etc.) this dumbass really thinks he looks cool.

[livingcorner]

Secrets of In the Night Garden

His hand slaps down on the sketchpad. “Don’t read that,” says Andrew Davenport, refusing to move his fingers, despite my cajoling. “It’s terrible.” His hand is covering a short rhyme, written in pencil, that was his very first attempt to devise a song for a shapely piece of blue fluff called Iggle Piggle, who first came to life on these sketchpads three years ago, and who has since all but taken over the world.

I’m astonished to find Davenport so unwilling to let me see the rhyme. It’s not as if his reputation as the king of kids’ TV isn’t assured. As well as being the co-creator of Teletubbies, which in its 13 years has travelled to 120 countries and generated £2bn, Davenport is the man behind In the Night Garden, the gently surreal bedtime show for pre-schoolers of which Iggle Piggle is the star. In the Night Garden – which first aired on the BBC in 2007 and features engagingly colourful characters who meet, play, sing, wander about, then tuck up for bed – may even eclipse Teletubbies: it has already conquered 35 countries and territories, from Norway to China, where book sales have reached 1.5m. More importantly, for at least a year, the show was pivotal in getting my own daughter, now three, off to bed. As far as I’m concerned, Davenport is bigger than Santa.

You're reading: Secrets of In the Night Garden

We turn the page. “This is the first ever drawing of Iggle Piggle,” says Davenport, who is opening up his prized sketchbooks to an outsider for the very first time. The Guardian’s photographer, also the father of a toddler, and I both gasp. Davenport points to the figure’s floppy, bean-like head. “That head shape was the main feature. It became characteristic. With a drawing, you can create reality immediately. Character almost forms itself: you can switch off your editorial mind. In the Night Garden all started from this sketch. He’s a sort of a lost toy, a floppy character who has made his way through the world somehow.”

The first ever Iggle Piggle drawing. Photograph: David Levene

Iggle Piggle is now making his way through the world all the way to the stage: the In the Night Garden Live show opened in Liverpool last month and has just arrived in London, before heading for Glasgow and Birmingham. “For a long time, I didn’t want to do a stage show,” says Davenport. “It’s difficult to create something that works for a theatre audience in the way that a TV show works for one. And conventional theatres are simply not designed for two-year-olds, with those seats they can’t see over.”

Read more: History of Gnomes | LoveToKnow

The solution takes the form of a travelling inflatable theatre fitted with baby-friendly touches, such as microwaves for the warming of milk (promising a whole new kind of interval drinks bedlam). Audiences are offered a choice of two stories. “One features Iggle Piggle losing his blanket,” says Davenport. “The other features Makka Pakka washing everyone’s faces.” Neither story, it’s safe to say, will come as a great surprise to regular viewers of the show, many of whom are parents who find its soothing antics easier on the eye and the ear, not to mention the imagination, than Teletubbies.

We flip to the first ever sketch of Makka Pakka, outside his cave, dripping sponge in hand. Where did the idea for this bear-like, pint-sized wiper of faces come from? “Often, children don’t like having their faces washed,” says Davenport. “If you can make a playful version of that, it will defuse the situation, if you like. I thought it was quite funny to have him just come on with a trumpet and interrupt the whole narrative – to make everyone stop and have their faces washed. It seemed quite truthful for a child.”

The first Makka Pakka sketch. Photograph: David Levene

Davenport, 45, has no children of his own, but a godson, he says proudly, “has lived through In the Night Garden”. Tall and slim, with cropped hair and a quick laugh, he wears a dark blue shirt and looks as smart and spotless as his studio in London’s East End. At his desk sits a keyboard and a phone – he sings into its answering machine if he thinks of a tune while he’s out; a piece of software turns it into music.

Shelves bear the sort of books you might expect: A History of Toys by Antonia Fraser, and Seeing Things by Oliver Postgate, Davenport’s hero and the creator of his own favourite kids’ TV show The Clangers. “Who wouldn’t want to live underground on a separate planet?” he says with relish. “It’s a totally alien world that’s just fantastic.” Some titles are, however, a little more cerebral: The Developing Child by Bee Boyd, The Language and Thought of the Child by Jean Piaget.

The original Upsy Daisy design. Photograph: David Levene

He quotes Piaget when I ask him to explain the phenomenal success of In the Night Garden, and how it manages to be both soporific and entertaining. “I’m not sure soporific is the right word,” he says, pointing out that the show finds very young children just as their play is expanding out of the mere physical (bang it, chuck it, break it) and into the world of ideas. “Piaget had this notion of operational play and symbolic play. Up to a certain age, a child will take hold of a doll and bang it to see what it sounds like. Then, at a certain point, that doll becomes symbolic. It starts to stand for a person. It’s that kind of play In the Night Garden is accessing. And it’s that, I think, that is so calming.”

Read more: Yellow Garden Spider | National Wildlife Federation

Before setting off to meet Davenport, I’d asked my daughter if she had a question for Iggle Piggle’s daddy. “Why does Iggle Piggle have to go to bed?” she said. “That’s a really interesting question,” says Davenport. “He’s the connection for the child, the one who goes to sleep at the beginning and enters the Night Garden. But he’s also, crucially, the only character not in bed at the end. ‘Somebody’s not in bed – Iggle Piggle’s not in bed.’

“Bedtime really commands a child’s entire day. Very often children don’t have a proper sense of time. They live with the idea that, at any moment, someone could just take them from what they are doing and send them to bed. It can be a difficult moment: being suddenly alone. So In the Night Garden makes a metaphorical explanation for sleep, which is one of the only things in a child’s life it can’t be accompanied on. That’s why you have the image of Iggle Piggle alone on a boat at the start, floating on a dark swelling ocean that’s a metaphor for sleep.”

Source: https://livingcorner.com.au Category: Garden

source https://livingcorner.com.au/secrets-of-in-the-night-garden/

[billvsamerica]

A Little British Jaunt

A week before we were due to depart to Florida on May 17th, I had a sudden realisation. Kroc Fury, a local 9-12 year old football (soccer) team, were set to play in the finals on May 18th. Normally, I wouldn’t care very much that a children’s team had a game, but on this occasion it was important because I’m the coach. Unbeaten since the first game of the season, they had a real chance of winning the whole thing for the first time since my inaugural season nearly three years ago. I had to make a decision: a) disappoint my wife, leaving her to drive eight hours alone and go down a day later to Florida on the plane, or b) disappoint a bunch of children who idolise me as a demi-god and changer of lives. I booked my flight for after the game. Oh yeah, it was also my wife’s birthday on May 17th. We lost the game on penalties, so I made the wrong decision. They really did let me down. Embarrassing. 

Kroc Fury changing their name to “The Let Me Downs” for next season.

Anyway, after sorting all that out we arrived back in England on Monday morning. After a day of tea and biscuits, we joined my parents on a trip to Oxford to see my brother. He’s teaching there while his girlfriend gets a degree from Oxford (ohhh, posh). Wandering the streets where other great academics had once roamed — Tolkein, Wilde, Hawking, Theresa May (ahem), had made me feel quite at home. I started to wonder whether I should have made more of an effort throughout my school life, messed around less, participated in positive extracurricular activities, got the qualifications I needed to get in, and had actually applied to go there, but then I thought, that sounds like a lot of hard work and I may never have come second in that pizza eating contest if I’d have chosen that path. 

After exploring the historic buildings, like the pub that Tolkein himself used to frequent, the old university grounds, and the Uniqlo that sold those boxer shorts that I like, we ate a Lebanese meal with my brother and headed back to Worcester on yet another pretty train ride. 

The next day, I was planning on getting pissed with my friends from University. It’s mad to think that I’ve known these guys since I was ten, because I haven’t. We met at University, I just said that — pay attention. My friends were coming from Cardiff and they suggested meeting in the middle at Chepstow on the border of Wales. After arriving, I quickly found out that it was only 15 minutes from Cardiff and over an hour and a half from Worcester. Haha, they don’t half like a wind up, those guys.

Bros in Chepstow on tip toes.

They had been in Wetherspoons since 10am, so me and Shelby had some catching up to do and we did so in one of the top five pub gardens in the whole country —the Three Tuns Inn. The only thing that was three tonnes by the time we left was my bladder after all the ale I drank, let me tell you (because I’m proper tough and manly). We reminisced over old memories and looked out over the nearly thousand year old castle. I was a little bit tipsy by the time we got back to the train station, where Rich (my so-called friend) twisted his ankle on the bridge and made quite a fuss about it. Maybe that wouldn’t have happened if we’d have met somewhere closer to Worcester, like Cheltenham perhaps, where I’ve heard the floorboards in the bridge have recently been refurbished. 

This candid picture was taken just after the incident. You can see Rich looking at his ankle and, from a safe distance, Jake also staring at it, both wishing they were in Cheltenham no doubt. 

The weekend came along and with it was the dawning of “Family Day”. In the morning, the family came over to our house and we drank mimosas and Bloody Mary’s. Later on we went over to my aunt’s house for pizza and the main event: Shelby’s Great British Poker Tournament. Joel, wearing sunglasses to disguise his sad little eyes, went ahead early on. He was incredibly cocky the whole time, which made it even more unbearable. I looked like I was heading for an early exit at one point. Down to my last chips, I went all in. I had to win to stay in the game. And did. The weaklings dropped like flies around me after that — Cat was so afraid she didn’t show up; Leah, gone; Lucy, bye bye; Mom, pathetic; Leah, it’s not snap!; Abby, come on now; Mika, no chance; Dad, embarrassingly kept saying that he was getting no cards up his end of the table when I know for a fact he was because of a carefully placed mirror behind him. Down to the last four players, the game started to get interesting. Jack won big and had the majority of the chips. He really let me down with a couple of poor decisions and then I basically bowed out to make him feel better when he lost them all. James came in second and Joel won. You’d think he’d won the Superbowl (that’s basically the Wimbledon Final for the Brits out there).

“And this one is called Cooke, the Baker. Now, do you understand, Joel?”

The next morning, James, Joel and Mika rocked up in a massive clanger of an Mercedes that he had bought recently. He kept saying how it was a cult favorite and everybody wanted one. Yeah, it was a cult favorite alright, looks like the bloody Manson Family used to own it! (Unfortunately, I didn’t say this at the time because it has taken me a couple of weeks to think of it, but I think my silence said basically the same thing). Still buoyed from his jackpot the night before, Joel was ready to splash some cash at the local flea market and I was ready to be told I didn’t need certain items by Shelby and that we couldn’t get them back on the plane anyway. As we turned into the car park, the parking attendant told James to roll down his window. I was half expecting him to tell him to leave because he’d sold him a dodgy motor in the past. Instead, he said “Can you get me one of those cars? I’ve wanted one for ages.” James, smugly smiled. 

After we entered, James immediately walked off in no particular direction rather than wandering around with his nephew he hadn’t seen in nearly a year. The rest of us traipsed around the stalls, Joel purchasing a carved wooden candle stick holder shaped like Jesus and Mika spotting a great gift for Ed Ford’s birthday. It was a lamp that had been crudely taped to a cricket bat and ball. It was the tackiest thing in the whole market. Joel was conned into buying some sunglasses that made him look like Ted Bundy and I bought three old West Brom programs for my brother and dad. All in all, a partial success of a market. When we were about to leave, Mika and Joel went back to buy the cricket lamp. They returned sullenly a little while later with no lamp. Remarkably, somebody else had bought it! Howzat!?  

Ted Bundy and his weird dog, Bear, who kept jizzing on everything (the dog, not Joel).

After Family Day drew to a close, Monday was unofficially named “Friend Day”. There’s a pub in Worcester that Ali Wilson says is his favourite. For this reason and many others, I have never ever been there. On this occasion, it was worth it. They were hosting a reggae sound system in the garden on Friend Day afternoon. With the sun beating down and the beats booming out, I could see why it was a good place to be, until I went inside to order a drink. I refused to give Joel the money to increase his single whisky to a double. In response, the landlord said something antisemitic about me not paying for it. Fortunately, Shelby was still outside, otherwise he might have been on the wrong end of a Jewish headlock. The music thumped out of the speakers and the droves of white people with dreadlocks bopped their heads in tandem and smoked a special kind of cigarette that had a very distinctive smell to it. I wouldn’t know what that stuff was though.

The next few days flew by like a low flying drone illegally filming somebody’s barbecue. On Tuesday evening, I jogged down to Pitchcroft, the local racecourse to play football with the lads for the first time since my knee operation. Will I ever be the player I was before again? I hope not, as I wasn’t that great and this knee is supposed to be better than the last one according to my doctor, Neil Snapinhaff, I think he’s Dutch (say it slowly to get the full benefit of this excellent joke). 

Stoked to be here, folks.

Wednesday, we drove out to Malvern and marvelled at the ancient hills that were said to have inspired Tolkein’s Lord of the Rings (this blog is very Tolkein heavy for some reason). Thursday, we said goodbye to dad and went to Brighton for one final night of fun before hopping on the plane home. 

Once in the coastal home of my cousin and her girlfriend, Abby, we went to eat a wonderful curry and had drinks at a cafe with computer games and stuff in. I didn’t much feel like playing games though. I took a moment alone outside and walked to the pebble beach. It was quiet out there, just the sound of the crashing waves to keep me company. I stared across the pebbles. There’s no place like it I said, but I looked around and nobody had followed me outside to hear my poignant statement. I ran back into the building and shouted loudly “I said there’s no place like it!” They all stared at me and then carried on playing their games and drinking their drinks. I suppose, life goes on for these little Englanders when I’m not around. And my great country will still be here for me whenever I need it. 

Not the only pebble dashing I’d done that week.

Sidenote: I was astonished to see the amount of kids who now do wheelies down the streets of Worcester. I may sound like a Daily Mail reader here, but I would just like to say that it’s very annoying and frightening for the elderly women who are just trying to stand and look at clothes they won’t buy. If all of you are doing it, then it’s not as impressive, is it? So, I propose you design a schedule that allots a different weekday for all of you to do it somewhere quieter, like, the car park of an abandoned warehouse. Also, I tried the Gregg’s vegan sausage roll and it was so good, I actually thought the woman in there had inadvertently given me a meat one, which, in fairness, she might have done as it was very busy. So have that, Piers Morgan, you daft bell end. 

My mad and sound family, plus that guy off Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 

[morganbelarus]

Why Americans love the Great British Bake Off

Image copyright Love Productions

It’s the most British of shows, yet this world of Victoria sponges and Bakewell tarts has Americans transfixed. What’s the recipe for its success in the US?

It was a Bedfordshire clanger that did it.

Laura Sampson was in her farmhouse in rural Alaska, watching the Great British Bake Off (known as the Great British Baking Show), when the hosts unveiled the contestants’ latest task. It was a stuffed suet pastry – half-savoury, half-sweet – a recipe long forgotten by almost everyone in the UK and certainly unknown on the other side of the Atlantic.

“For some reason, that was the bake that got me worked up. I wanted to be in the tent,” she says. “That’s when I decided to start my own bake-a-long.”

Since September, Laura has been running a Facebook group for fans of the series based in the US.

“The Official Steamed School Pudding Thread!” is a sample post in the group, which now has more than 200 members. Laura gives tips on converting measurements in the show to the US equivalents, and then posts a weekly challenge, allowing fans across the country to come back with pictures of their creations.

At first she thought about sourcing a big prize, but then she realised this was not in keeping with the ethos. What Americans often praise about the show is the lack of cut-throat competition or monetary incentives.

Image Copyright @danielle_grega @danielle_grega

Report

Image Copyright @danielle_grega @danielle_grega

Report

As the LA Times once wrote: “Contestants never say things like ‘I didn’t come here to make friends.’ There are no irritating product placements and – perhaps most incomprehensibly to American audiences – no material riches to be won.”

Incredulously, it continued: “That’s right: The winner of The Great British Baking Show wins a title and an engraved cake stand, and that’s it.”

A tricky start

The show’s introduction into American life has not been straightforward. First, the name had to change, because the Pilsbury company have trademarked “bake off”. It was also shown out of sequence, via the PBS network.

And then there was the controversy of the third series of the American version – called The Great American Baking Show and running on ABC – when host Johnny Iuzzini was accused of sexual harassment and the series was pulled midway through its run. Nobody saw winner New York lawyer Vallery Lomas take her prize and she has recently been calling on the channel to air the missing episodes.

To attempt to reboot the American version, Spice Girl Emma Bunton took over as host at the end of last year, but it is the original show that has got the most attention.

In August, it was acquired by Netflix, bringing it to an even wider audience, which has been bingeing it over the winter months.

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Many US viewers have said that they decompress watching the show, and they like that it is the antithesis of the nation’s fraught politics.

Laura says her baking group is a politics-free zone. “That was the biggest surprise for me. After the first round I felt I had truly found a place on social media that was kind,” she says.

Lisa Gorski, a federally-employed microbiologist from San Francisco, can also relate. She has been baking recipes from the show while off work during the government shutdown. “I’ve been so inspired by the show that I’ve just been using my time off in the kitchen to try new things,” she says. “It is a total escape.”‘

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And if you really want a sense of how people are finding solace in the show, look to former UN Human Rights chief Zeid Ra’ad al-Hussein. Last year, he gave the most unexpected twist to a hard news story, when he told Reuters that the Great British Bake Off was his release after dealing with world horrors.

“This man pulls out a soufflé just before the competition ends and the thing collapses,” he said, recalling an episode. “I burst into tears and I couldn’t stop.”

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“I watch them all,” says Charles Skinner, a government auditor and drag racer from Maryland, who is a member of the Facebook bake-along group. “The Great British Bake Off, the Great American Baking Show, Zumbo’s Just Desserts [an Australian desserts competition].”

He likes the American version, but not as much. “It’s less technical. You wouldn’t get a bread lion,” he says. And he was a big fan of Mary Berry, who presented the original BBC run of the show. “I would love to meet her. She seems so witty.”

Image copyright Charles Skinner

Image caption Charles Skinner has been inspired by the bread week challenges; this is his cinnamon star bread

He has expanded his own kitchen repertoire through the show. “I live in a remote area and I never know if what I am making is turning out right, so that’s why I like watching the judges’ reactions.” And that’s why he joined the Facebook group.

Chrystina Cappello, an engineer from Philadelphia, also wanted to try out the show’s recipes alongside others, and she decided to create her own “baking tent” atmosphere by running themed parties.

She started getting a group of friends together – those who bake and those who want to judge. “There was a score card, and the judges would deliberate and talk about why each item deserved its score in each of the categories: level of difficulty, originality, presentation, and taste,” she says.

She says it was the camaraderie of the show that won her over. “The producers focus on the moments that the team are working together – when someone helps someone take something out of a pan, when someone has a suggestion on how to fix something, or just gives a much-needed hug. It’s endearing, and it’s exactly what the world needs right now – more feel-good television.”

The original presenters – Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins – are often credited with helping set the tone of the show. They reportedly stormed off set during the first series, accusing a producer of trying to manufacture X-Factor-style drama when a contestant was reduced to tears over a personal issue.

“No one ever cried again,” Perkins told the Telegraph. “Maybe they cry because their soufflé collapsed, but nobody’s crying because someone’s going ‘Does this mean a lot about your grandmother?'”

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Image caption Entries for “cake week” at Chrystina Cappello’s Bake Off party

The Great British Baking Show is now part of US culture. The New York Times has run a translation guide. “Stodgy is bad, scrummy is good, gutted is bad,” it explained.

Saturday Night Live has spoofed it; The Late Late Show has broadcast its staff bake-off; The Daily Show has used it to explain Brexit, calling it the Great British Break-Off.

The hosts and contestants are becoming household names.

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Great British Bake Off contestant Val Stones is a regular visitor to the US, but says she started to get recognised a lot more this year, after the show went up on Netflix.

The retired headteacher from Doncaster has had fans approach her while doing a charity fun run in New Jersey, during a wine tasting in New York State and at a Waffle House in Memphis, among other places.

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Image caption Val Stones on the 2016 series of The Great British Bake Off

“My husband says that as we walk through places, such as Tennessee and Kentucky, folk would give me a second glance on hearing my distinct voice, but then think they were wrong,” she told the BBC. Lots of people start the conversation with “Do I know you? Do you live on my street?”.

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And it is that neighbourly familiarity combined with an across-the-pond sweetness – which even the British find unusual – that has made it so popular.

The New York-based Fansided website recently summed up the appeal of the “cheerful little series” following a spat of difficult news worldwide.

“Nobody shared their views on Brexit or gave their opinion on Theresa May. Hardly anyone even mentioned personal hardships […] All that outside noise, is left where it belongs – outside,” it wrote.

“The Great British Baking Show,” it concluded, has become “the perfect set of arms to run into”.

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The Great British Bake Off

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Why Americans love the Great British Bake Off was originally posted by MetNews

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"Major upgrade", "Doubt Brands could pull it off" - Everton target £49.5m-rated star - verdict

Everton have certainly shown ambition in the transfer market since Farhad Moshiri took over, but it hasn’t always worked out how the owner would have wished for.

Big money signings like £45m Gylfi Sigurdsson and £27.2m Yerry Mina have been criticised often this season and have contributed to a Toffees side that has significantly underachieved, as they currently lie 12th in the table.

There is clearly room for improvement, and according to Italian publication Gazzetta Dello Sport Everton are interested in Milan’s Gianluigi Donnarumma in search of exactly that.

The goalkeeper is highly rated – Chelsea and Liverpool’s interest indicates as much. That could decrease Everton’s chances of bringing him to Goodison Park, particularly considering the finances involved, though the Carlo Ancelotti factor could make a difference.

It is certainly an interesting move and could mean the Merseyside outfit are heading in the right direction when it comes to transfers, though not all of our writers would agree with that.

Here are the opinions of Football FanCast writers on the interest shown in Donnarumma.

Jonathan Radcliffe

Donnarumma may be only 21 years old, but he already has a wealth of experience under his belt – this is already his fifth full season in the professional game.

However, whilst he announced himself to the world early on, it seems there has been little progression. During the 2016/17 season, he managed a save percentage ratio of 78.8%, but he has not managed to match that since, and even recorded a number of 69.9% in 2017/18. This term, his number stands at 72% – six goalkeepers in the Premier League have managed more.

“He may have just one year left on his current deal, but with a Transfermarkt value of £49.5m, he should still cost a pretty penny. Brands should be wary before making his move.”  

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James Beavis

“Donnarumma would obviously be a great signing for Everton, but I doubt Brands could pull it off.

“Just a few years ago, the Italy international was seen as one of the most highly-rated young goalkeepers in Europe, as shown by the fact he has 190 AC Milan appearances to his name despite only turning 21 years of age last month.

“Given his stature for both club and country in his home nation, it seems almost inconceivable that he could end up at Goodison Park anytime soon, even if they do have Carlo Ancelotti at the helm.

“You’d have to assume that bigger teams than Everton, with all due respect, would be keen on the stopper, who looks to have an excellent future ahead of him.

“The Toffees may be trying to show some ambition, but it would be a shock if they got this over the line.”

Call yourself an Everton expert? How much did each of these January signings cost?

Viji Jeevathayalan

“Make no mistake about it, Gianluigi Donnarumma would represent a major upgrade on Pickford.

“The latter has embarrassed himself and Everton countless times with mind-numbingly amateur mistakes – just look at his infamous howler in the Merseyside derby at Anfield when he dropped a clanger and saw Divock Origi pounce from a yard out.

“Standing at an imposing 6 foot 5, Donnarumma just seems perfectly built for PL football and all the rough and tumble you get from it. His height automatically radiates a sense of calm and authority to proceedings, something that the 6 foot 1 Pickford desperately lacks. The current Everton shot-stopper is on the shorter side when compared to other goalkeepers in the division, and so swooping for Donnarumma makes perfect sense.”

Kealan Hughes

“While Gianluigi Donnarumma is one of the top prospects in Europe and could go on to be one of the best goalkeepers around, he would still be an expensive outlay that Everton can’t afford to splash out on currently.

“Carlo Ancelotti needs to strengthen a number of areas in his squad and already has a steady pair of hands in Jordan Pickford, even if he has made poor errors of late, namely against Manchester United and Newcastle.

“Donnarumma would demand high wages and Milan an expensive transfer fee, yet with a shaky defence in front of him – which this season has conceded 46 goals in 29 league games – he will be unable to stop goals flying past him.

“As a result, this is one they should put on the back burner in order to concentrate on targets who could make more of an immediate impact.”

Meanwhile, an interesting comparison has been made between an exciting Everton player and another who left the club in search of greater achievement…

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Sportsmail’s experts answer the big questions from the World Cup group stages and make predicitions

Sportsmail's experts have been asked about the key performers and stand out moments of the World Cup among other big questions.

Nasser Hussain, Paul Newman and Lawrence Booth give their verdict and offer predictions for both semi-finals.

How has the World Cup group stage leg for you?

Nasser Hussain

(former England captain and Sportsmail columnist)

It was worrying when the rain was around but since it became drier I've enjoyed the multi-cultural nature of the crowds, the atmosphere and the fact 'neutral' venues have been virtually sold out. We have had excellent cricket and it’s almost everything you could ask for.

Lawrence Booth

(Wisden editor and Sportsmail cricket writer)

Better and better. It was saved from predictability by Sri Lanka's win over England, which brought several teams into the shake-up. It wasn't until the 39th group game out of 45 – Sri Lanka v West Indies – that we had the first dead match.

Paul Newman

(Sportsmail cricket correspondent)

It's a vibrant, exciting tournament played out in front of packed , various crowds. I disagree with those who say it hasn't made an impression on the wider public. It's all about papers and social media and video clips viewed will top two billion by the final. The free to air debate has been overplayed in my opinion.

The tournament has been extremely well supported and there are vibrant crowds

What has been your best moment?

Newman: OK, I know I'm not meant to be biased, but England winning their last two matches. After the losses to Sri Lanka and Australia I really thought they were going out and that would have been unthinkable after all the prioritizing and investment.

Hussain: The Ben Stokes catch on the first day but the best thing has been the pitches. I was worried it was going to be a "boreathon" or batting with 400 plays 380 in every match but there is something in it for the bowlers and that has been made for a more even contest. Whoever's idea it was to prepare these kind of pitches deserves great credit.

Booth: A toss-up between Jofra Archer's Bangladeshi Soumya Sarkar with a ball that ricocheted off the stumps and flew over the boundary at Cardiff – and those seconds when Carlos Brathwaite thought he had hit the winning six for West Indies against New Zealand at Old Trafford, only for Trent Boult to deny him at long-on.

Ben Stokes took a mesmerizing catch to dismiss Andile Phehlukwayo in the first game

And the biggest disappointment?

Hussain: The Indian run-chase against England with MS Dhoni and Kedar Jadav at the crease. I'd been a function with Indian supporters who had flown in from all over the world to be at Edgbaston and it just fizzled out. India were probably going to lose anyway but at least give it a go. To see them push and prod around made me feel for supporters.

Booth: In terms of the teams, South Africa, West Indies and Afghanistan have all been a letdown. In terms of the tournament, the lack of buzz around the country outside cricket bubble. Well done Sky for acknowledging the problem and making the final free-to-air if England qualify.

Newman: Shame Afghanistan didn't make more of an impression. The biggest disappointment for me was when their captain Gulbadin Naib brought himself to a bowl at a crucial stage against Pakistan when victory was in their grass. What was he thinking?

Gulbadin Naib brought himself to bowl when his team were close to victory over Pakistan

Your player of the tournament so far?

Booth: Indian opener Rohit Sharma has ridden his luck to make five centuries, and Mitchell Starc has been incredible at whichever stage of the innings he has bowled for Australia. But neither has had to carry a team like Bangladesh's Shakib Al Hasan: 606 runs and 11 wickets for the side who finished eighth is an incredible effort.

Newman: Jonny Bairstow. I loved the way he has become one of England's most important players and I loved the way he picked a fight with the world for no apparent reason and then insisted to us all he had meant to. Remember what he has been through in life to get this stage and it's easy to make allowances for his sensitivity.

Hussain: Shakib Al Hasan has immense but Rohit Sharma edges it for his five centuries. It's just so pleasing on the eye and makes batting look so easy. He's a ridiculously good player and would walk in to my all-time world white-ball side.

Rohit Sharma has been outstanding at the top of the order for India in the group stages

Some sublime, and ridiculous, fielding

Hussain: For an England captain in Eoin Morgan to say his side had been out-fielded by Pakistan was a concern but then look at the Ben Stokes catch at the Oval and the Chris Woakes one at Edgbaston and they are at the other extreme. Sheldon Cottrell also pulled off a stunner at Trent Bridge and some of the outfielding has truly truly remarkable.

Booth: Three blinders: Ben Stokes against South Africa, Sheldon Cottrell running along the boundary for West Indies against Australia, and New Zealander Martin Guptill's flying miracle at gully to catch Australia's Steve Smith. The worst clanger was South Africa's David Miller dropping the ultimate dolly at cover to reprieve Sharma at Southampton.

Newman: I always think of Trevor Bayliss when England field badly, as they did at Trent Bridge against Pakistan, because it's the one thing that can drive the calm and composed coach potty. The Ben Stokes catch at the Oval was incredible and Nasser's TV description or it will go down as a classic commentary. Chris Woakes against India not far behind.

Sheldon Cottrell took a great catch for the West Indies to dismiss Steve Smith

Did the format work? Has it been a vintage world cup?

Booth: In advance it looked great: all play all, no room for excuses, four out of 10 qualify. Then it is threatened to become predictable. But, whether or not you agree with the absence of the likes of Ireland and Zimbabwe, it has ended up working. Whether it goes down as vintage will depend on the semis and the final.

Newman: I think it's the best World Cup since 1992 and it's no coincidence that this is the same format as then. The 50-over World Cup is always too long but I have no problem with 10 teams. I disagree with Nasser on pitches. They have been too slow for me and that has tasks something away from the entertainment.

Hussain: Nothing can be done about the four washouts but there was a worry about predictability and a lot of dead rubbers at the end of the group stage. England's loss to Sri Lanka changed that and opened it up. If I could change anything I would use results between the sides as the first tie breaker rather than just run-rate.

Lasith Malinga helped Sri Lanka beat England and that helped blow the World Cup open

What would be your Composite XI?

Lawrence Booth: 1 Rohit Sharma (India) 2 David Warner (Australia) 3 Kane Williamson (New Zealand) 4 Joe Root (England) 5 Shakib Al Hasan (Bangladesh) 6 Ben Stokes (England) 7 Alex Carey (Australia) (wkt) 8 Mitchell Starc (Australia) 9 Jofra Archer (England) 10 Lockie Ferguson (New Zealand) 11 Jasprit Bumrah (India)

Nasser Hussain: 1 Sharma, 2 Jason Roy (England), 3 Shakib, 4 Root, 5 Williamson, 6 Stokes, 7 Carey (wkt) 8 Archer, 9 Starc, 10 F erguson, 11 Bumrah.

Paul Newman: 1 Sharma, 2 Jonny Bairstow (England), 3 Root, 4 Williamson, 5 Shakib, 6 Stokes, 7 Carey (wkt), 8 Starc , 9 Archer, 10 Mark Wood (England), 11 Bumrah.

Shakib Al Hasan makes the composite group stage team for all three of Sportsmail's experts

Who will win the first semi-final and why?

Hussain: India are just too strong. They will always get a score. New Zealand have been under-par and a bit lucky to be there. Are there enough New Zealand batsmen in form to be able to chase down whatever India score? I don't think so.

Newman: Brendon McCullum's pioneers there is still much to like about Kane Williamson and Co . But for the sake of the tournament we need India in the final. And surely they will be.

Booth: India. They're not perfect, as we saw against England, but they are far less imperfect than New Zealand, who arguably pipped Pakistan on just run-rate because their group game against India was rained off. They edged out West Indies, then lost their last three matches. Williamson will have to play a blinder.

Virat Kohli's India are favorites to overcome New Zealand in the first semi-final

And the second semi-final?

Booth: It's in the lap of the gods. The toss could be crucial: England have lost three out of four batting second, and Australia have two out of three. But if England can remove Warner early, they will access the Australians ’soft underbelly. The Edgbaston crowd can then help them over the line.

Hussain: England will be pleased to be playing Australia away from Lord's because we saw in the group stages Lord's suits the Aussies and the way they play. Their swing bowlers would have been more dangerous at Lord's than Edgbaston. England love playing at Edgbaston and I will go for them. Just ..

Newman: I think whoever will win first and that's a weakness of the tournament. England have shown they really can adapt on different surfaces but their old preference for chasing just doesn't work on these pitches. Wouldn't fancy either side chasing in excess of 300.

England and Jonny Bairstow have more effective when batting first so far

Who will win the World Cup and why?

Newman: I said England at the start of the tournament and I've got to stick with them now they've come through their difficult phase. But I do think Eoin Morgan has continued his habit of this tournament in winning important tosses. If England are chasing 300 plus in the final against India it really will be squeaky Jasprit Bumrah time…

Hussain: If England beat India twice they will be worthy winners of this World Cup and nobody could argue. There are some great players in this India side but there are still a few holes and I don't see any holes in the England team. I'm going for England. Just.

Booth: If England make it through, they can go all the way. Sharma's outrageous form has to end at some point, and India is not dealing with their MS Dhoni problem: he is not the player he was, but no one has the guts to drop him. Virat Kohli has the ability to spoil any party, but so do Roy, Bairstow, Root, Stokes, Buttler, Archer and Wood.

Jos Buttler is one of a number of England stars that can win a game for the team

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