#did not expect Facebook Reels to show me my positivity for the day

[cute-little-ali-cat]

[leviathren]

ENC 1102 Final Project

For my final project in my Introduction to Inquiry Based Research course, I am writing a blog post about the research I conducted this Spring 2020 semester. It’s school related so I’m posting it here! This is going to be a long one so grab a cup of tea or a plate of fruits and vegetables and strap in.

TW: brief discussion of body image, mental health, addiction

Social Media: The Effects of Growing Up Online, and How We Can Use it for the Better

Introduction

I used to struggle with self control when it came to being on social media. Social media blew up and became a huge thing for seemingly everyone to have right about when I was growing up and going through the critical developmental stages of adolescence. Myspace was just before my time, it had left its glory days before I had any social media. But then came Facebook. And then Instagram. And Vine, Snapchat, Twitter, etc. My generation was the first to experience having social media from a young age and all the way through our teenage years, and then finally reaching adulthood. I never had anything like social media before. I barely had a phone and any contacts to message before switching to a smartphone and then having social media accounts, and I think that contributed to me not knowing what healthy limits were. 

It came and went in phases. There would be a period of time where I would unintentionally spend hours on my phone every day, just scrolling through Instagram. I wasn’t using it in a meaningful way, like connecting with friends and family, I was just scrolling. Mindlessly, endlessly.

I realized at some point, probably in my early years of high school, that this was an issue. It wasn’t horrible, but I still was spending more time than I wanted on my phone, and throughout the years, I have become better at being mindful with how I consume and use social media, and I have noticed that I have become so much more present in general. I don’t know if this was directly because of the healthier relationship with social media I have now, or if it was just coincidence in timing. I was lucky that I wasn’t too negatively affected by social media, but many people have raised concerns on how it may affect our mental health, and I decided to look into it more and see if I could help even just one person with this.

Mental Health: Social Media as a Stressor

Social media platforms were created to connect us with our friends and family. That’s the “social” part of it. However, social media has become a place where people typically showcase the best parts of their lives. Some call this the “highlight reel” on social media. These snapshots of fleeting moments in our busy lives only show the internet what we want it to show. I am aware that there are exceptions though, such as spam accounts where people share their more vulnerable moments with a private following of their close friends and sometimes family, or social media personalities such as Trisha Paytas who share many vulnerable, not so picture-perfect moments publicly, but the average user doesn’t tell their friends and followers everything that’s going on behind the scenes. Therefore, the majority of posts don’t accurately portray our lives. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing - we all need boundaries and privacy - however, this can sometimes make users feel as if they aren’t enough, or that they aren’t doing enough.

Humans have a habit of social comparison. We do it naturally because it’s a way for us to “estimate one’s past and present social standings” as Tahir M. Nisar, an associate professor at the University of Southampton, wrote. Many people compare their own lives to the lives of others as a means to evaluate themselves and to measure whether they’re doing well or not (Nisar 55). This has been a generally known fact for a while, but when I conducted my own research via online survey, I asked the participants if they ever found themselves comparing themselves or their lives to those of others they see online, and 47.9% of them said “yes, often”, while 43.8% said “sometimes”, and a mere 8.3% said “no, never”. Comparing yourself to others is natural, and it isn’t always a bad thing, but for some it can become a dangerous rabbit hole.

Jeff Cain, an associate professor at the University of Kentucky, wrote that these comparisons “often result in envy, depression, reduced happiness, etc. because they perceive others’ lives more favorable than their own.”  I’m sure most of us have experienced this at least once before where we wish our lives were more like someone else’s without even realizing it. It can be a hard thing to not do! The problem here is that that can lead to us setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves, and then us being too hard on ourselves when we don’t reach that level. 

Some of the unrealistic expectations we may place for ourselves can be physical appearance. 8.3% of the participants in my survey said they often photoshop their appearance for social media, 10.4% said they sometimes do, 10.4% said they do but only rarely. This is one thing that needs to change.

A good sign is the rest (70.9%) said they never photoshop themselves. In recent years, body positivity has grown and become a more developed movement, leading the online community in a more positive direction. This is a great use of social media, using platforms to share positive, helpful messages to bring together a community and to spread awareness and knowledge of a particular topic.

Coping: Social Media Used as a Distraction

When I conducted my research, I asked the participants what the main reasons/purposes were that they used social media for, and the majority of them said something along the lines of “to connect with friends and family”, and many said they used it to pass the time, to stave off boredom. Sometimes, users will go on social media to distract themselves from negative emotions such as sadness, loneliness, anxiety, stress, etc. Although not a permanent solution, it’s a temporary relief, and this can be helpful. Sometimes, social media can be a distraction from important things though. I know I definitely get distracted from studying or doing homework by checking social media. I’ve already done it once while writing this, yikes. But don’t worry, it’s not all bad!

Ahmad Mushtaq, an academic Vice Chancellor at Alberoni University, and Abdelmadjid Benraghda, a professor at Universiti Malaysia Pahang, found that students mostly used social media to “improve their knowledge and information.” They found that social media was actually a useful tool in education, because it allowed students to find information easily and connect with peers and instructors.

In my research I asked if participants find that they get distracted by their phone and go on social media while doing tasks such as homework or watching movies, and a whopping 77.1% said “yes, often” while the remaining 22.9% said “sometimes”. No one said “no, never”. This may be connected to how many people find it difficult to focus. Using apps that don’t allow you to check your phone for a period of time can help reduce the amount of times we get distracted by social media. One of my favorites is an app called Flora, where you can grow a little tree for staying off of your phone for the chosen amount of time.

Addiction: Excessive Social Media Usage & Reliance

When we think of addiction, we often think of substance abuse, but it can also happen in areas such as social media usage. Within the millennial generation, substance abuse has actually decreased, but smartphone use has increased and continues to do so. Researchers believe that “those susceptible to addiction have simply shifted to a new drug: smartphones” (Cain 739). Cain also writes about how “neuroimaging studies show that Internet addiction...shows similar increases in activity in brain regions associated with substance-related addictions”. Several studies have indicated that as levels of depression and anxiety of an individual increase, they become more inclined towards social media addiction (Simsek 115). One study showed results of a “positive relationship between social anxiety and social media addiction” (Baltaci 78). Although my study was not nearly extensive enough to determine if any of my participants suffer from social media addiction, I did find that the majority of them spent 3 or more hours on social media a day. In fact, four of those participants responded that they spend 9 or more hours on social media a day.

One thing that many users have experienced is FOMO (the fear of missing out). I have experienced this myself, especially in middle school and early high school. A user who experiences FOMO may feel that if they don’t check their phone, they might miss out on conversations, like in group chats, or things like recent events, opportunities, etc., so it may cause them stress or anxiety if they don’t regularly go on social media. On the other hand, some people get stressed/upset when they do go on social media, because they see photos or posts in general from an event or get-together that they either weren’t invited to or couldn’t make it to. Because of these negative feelings related to social media, FOMO has been associated with unhealthy smartphone use (Cain 739).

That was a lot, so what do we do?

Ok, so I know that was a lot of information, probably too much for a blog post on tumblr, but since I wrote all that out anyway, what do we do with it?

Although there were many negative responses indicating that certain uses of social media had harmful effects on mental health, including studies and results that I didn’t mention, there were also results that showed that many people felt indifferent with social media, and it was sometimes even beneficial (such as the academic use of it). 

Those who spent longer amounts of time on social media tended to also feel more negatively when using it, and felt better when they used it less, so I would recommend monitoring your usage time and being careful of spending too much time on it. “Too much time” is very subjective though, so perhaps logging how you feel in relation to how long you spend on social media can give you a good idea of what a good amount is for you personally. Spending more time doing things with our hands/bodies, like physical activity or hobbies, can be very healthy ways of spending our time instead of being on social media. It can help distract us from the urge to check our phones, a distraction from a distraction if you will.

When it comes to content consumption, we all must be careful of what we expose ourselves to. Reducing or even completely cutting out certain content that stresses or upsets us can help tremendously. This can even mean unfollowing certain people who’s posts may make you feel upset, even if you know them personally, were friends at some point, or are just acquaintances. Even though it may feel awkward or even mean to do that, it might help in some cases.

Maybe you could relate to some of the things I wrote about in this post, maybe you didn’t relate at all, but I just want to thank you for reading all the way till the end, and I hope this helped share interesting information that can be useful to you.

[terresdebrume]

Alright, so I mentioned yesterday that the Dad was being a bag of farts again but didn’t specify, partly because I was still reeling too hard (and seething too hard) to express anything coherent about it, and partly because I didn’t have enough time in the day to write up a gigantic rant about it to my therapist AND a coherent diary/pensieve post about it here.

So with great thanks to the people who listened to me rant and swear on Friday night until I was capable of spending a normal evening with guests, let’s get this started.

For those joining us, a small recap: the Dad was Not Happy about my coming out as trans. The ‘You need therapy to cure you from this and if you don’t get it I’m prepared to do your therapy between us through Facebook messenger’ kind of Not Happy. I’m not going to rehash the details, though some of them are probably lurking in the becoming me tag, somewhere. Suffices to say he’s been deadnaming me from the start, assuming I want to transition to ‘break away’ from my mom’s ‘castrating attitude’ and refusing to support me unless I got therapy (the ‘and get this stupid idea out of my head’ part is implied).

The ‘tl;dr: I blame everything on your mother’ attitude was already super grating because the guy has always been a gigantically hands-off father, and it’s easy to blame problems on the people who did something when you sat back and barely even watched things unfold. Honestly sometime I’m offended on my mother’s behalf because holy shit.

And then on Friday, after several months of near complete silence, he sent me a message, that started like this:

Hello [girl name]. Since I started therapy, I got into the habit of writing down my thoughts. Here is something that might begin to provide the start of a beginning of a discussion.

Followed by a journal extract of sorts where he, in order:

Complained that I looked stupid when I ran during basketball practice at age 8-ish (and using it to justify his lack of involvement, of course)

Complained that the one story I tried to have him read around age 14-ish ‘didn’t suit him stylistically or thematically’, which might be true but in my memories he didn’t even look at the paper before telling me he wasn’t interested, so I don’t know how he guessed that. Also complained that it was too hard to pretend you like something when you don’t (again: I’m not sure how he knew he didn’t like it)

Stated that he failed me by not assuming his role as a ‘barrier’ between my mother and I (see his opinion about my transition above)

Stated that he ‘grew up that way’ (I’m pretty sure he either means ‘with an emotionally absent father’ or ‘without a barrier between [his] mother and [him]’ or both) but at least he ‘learned to make his own decisions without restraints early on’ while I clearly didn’t

Finishes with remembering one time I tried to hug him and he shrugged me off and ‘I wasn’t feeling too good [on the night he wrote that]’

And honestly, it’s been over a day and I’m still so freaking floored by how self-involved this all is, I don’t even know how to pick my metaphorical jaw off the floor.

I think what gets me the most is how self-centered and self-excusing the whole thing sounds. Nothing is his fault except maybe the part where he didn’t do anything. It’s either on my mother or on me for being wrong somehow which, bluntly, fuck him for that. Honestly, it hurts to read this and realize I was never going to be good enough or right enough for him. I mean, honestly, not good enough at running? At, what, 8 or 10 at the most? What the Hell did he expect?

Like, it’s one thing to very strongly suspect your father never sees you half as much as he sees the ways in which he thinks you should be different, that shit hurts—but having it so blatantly confirmed is another thing entirely and just recounting the thing again is enough to make me a little sick. (Don’t worry, I’m not forcing myself through a harmful process here, I’m getting it off my chest).

On the other hand, though, it’s also almost liberating. I’ve spent years dealing with people who, with the best of intention (and the occasional dose of well-meaning cluelessness) told me to be patient, to be understanding, that he loved me and was just bad at people. Hell, I told myself that hundreds of times. I don’t even know how many times I felt guilty about being so angry at him—I still feel a little guilty right now...but now I know. Now I have his words right there on paper to confirm what twenty-eight-years of interactions proved on their own and I’m not going to pretend it’s a joyful or positive emotion but I’d be lying if there wasn’t some vindication in it like, see?

See, I was right. I was fucking right and I have a right to my anger and my resentment, and I have the right to hold onto it not until I finally become good enough to forgive him and/or be the daughter he expected from me, but until I feel ready to move on.

Yes, I know, these are not the nicest feelings to have. Honestly, in the long run, I’m hoping to move past that, because I have better things to aspire to in life than to waste time on that kind of attitude, but right now? Right now it’s like a giant middle finger to all the time I’ve been asked to assume his intentions were always better than his actions (and to accept that was enough) and it’s an ugly feeling and it stinks like pus drawing out of a wound but it’s mine and it’s necessary, and no one is ever allowed again to try and get me to see my father as the victim in our story. It’s ugly, and it stinks, but it’s one more way to get the guilt out and maybe it’s going to take time and work but right now I feel determined to just do it.

It’s funny, you know, because not three hours ago, I was telling my therapist I didn’t quite know how to respond to that message or if I want to, but I think the truth of it is more that I want to make sure what I feel now is solid, and that I can manage to put it in plain terms, as factually as possible.

Right now, I’m still hurting, and part of me wants him to hurt, too. I think it’s human, but I also think, if I do end up replying to his message, I don’t want to be trying to hurt him, because then I’d feel guilty about it later on. I don’t think it’s possible for me to answer without hurting his feelings at this point, don’t get me wrong, but if I do send a message I don’t want hurting him to be the goal of it.

Still, I’m starting to think about what I’d want to tell him, and a lot of it is still angry but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.

Like, first of all, he’s not allowed to deadname me, and I don’t have to take it in silence when he does. I don’t have to reply to him if I don’t want to, I don’t have to talk to him until he starts showing a modicum of respect for who I am, and even then it’s still my choice. I don’t have to indulge his delusions of helplessness, or comfort him with the idea that my mom is somehow the ‘bad parent’. She’s not perfect and I have a couple of beefs with her too, but she tried and maybe she sucked at some of it but at least she gets points for effort, he doesn’t.

More importantly, I think I’d want to tell him that I’m done trying to do his emotional work for him. I’m done trying to think of excuses for his behavior, to come up with ways in which his hurtful words or actions were maybe not so bad, I’m done walking on eggshell around his pigheaded refusal to accept me as I am. And if he feels betrayed when I tell him that, I would very much like to sincerely  tell him that’s too bad, but he’s going to have to learn how to deal with it on his own, like I was forced to.

[mywinestainedheart]

Kinda Always Knew I’d End Up Your Ex-Girlfriend

I’m a bitter ex-girlfriend, and I admit it with no shame.

I will never wish you the best after me. I will hate you with such an acidic passion that the woman whose tongue has come to replace my taste might just begin foaming at the mouth. I will want nothing to do with you on any social media platform, and I will erase you so thoroughly from every aspect of my life; it’d be like we’d never met to begin with. This will also be something I will wish desperately: That we’d never met. That I’d never set eyes on you. Even the happier times we’d spent together—I won’t hold them dear—I will wish them gone… Because rejection cuts me that deeply.

When I love, I love hard.

This is something I have only recently learned about myself. I wouldn’t say I fall too quickly (I’m actually quite guarded), but once I do, it’s over for me. And you. You will become the focal point of most of my days. I will dedicate the entire temporal lobe of my brain to remembering the smallest details about you and the things you will say. I will prioritize you more often than you will ever think to consider me or my feelings, and, on a subliminal frequency inside my cerebral cortex, I will recognize this, but I will do it anyway. Because just maybe, if I continue to love you this hard then you might one day start to love me with the same magnitude.

Yes, I know. I’m ashamed to say I’ve been this dumb for a while. However, even after awakening to the realisation that loving hard doesn’t make someone love harder, I am still a bitter ex-girlfriend.

In the throes of my most recent breakup, I sought clarity and upliftment from clip videos, TED Talks and relationship “experts” on YouTube. Of the experts, Matthew Hussey, Trent Shelton and Derrick Jaxn became my go-to’s. Of the TEDx Talks, I would seek out women discussing how the breakup had, in the end, been the best thing that could have ever happened to them, and of the clip videos, any reel under 10 minutes of a stranger detailing their breakup experience and how they overcame it seemed to soothe my aching for a time. Of all of them, it was the implicit awareness of “I’m not going through this alone” or “this doesn’t just happen to me” that brought a sense of calm despite the turmoil inside me.

However!

There is a recurrent catchphrase within all of these breakup videos (save for a few TED Talks) that always left a bad taste in my mouth. Every time I heard it, it genuinely made me little angry, as if the guy who’d dumped me was saying them to my face. That catchphrase is “be thankful”. It usually comes up towards the end of their videos, after the person has shared their thoughts and experiences, and now it’s time to redefine the message with good vibes and positivity.

“Be thankful for the time you got to spend with them.”

“Appreciate that you loved so deeply because that means it was real.”

“Be grateful that someone in this world showed you what love can feel like.”

What-fucking-eveeeeerrrrr!

Why would I appreciate someone who laid our relationship down on a steel table, sawed through the ribcage, picked out only my heart, tossed it into the crematory, went back in with grubby hands to dig for my soul, squeezed the life out of it, and then casually stitched us back up, embalmed the union with I’m sorry’s and buried it with a tombstone reading: “I hope we can still be friends”.

Why would I be thankful for that?

Why should I be thankful for the sleepless nights of emotional mayhem this person left me with? Why should I be grateful for the time they spent knowing I wasn’t the one for them but they continued to lead me on anyway? Why am I supposed to appreciate the half-hearted apologies and confusion because the person that was once a contribution to my happiness is now the whole reason for my sadness? I’m already a guarded human being—so how and why should I be thankful for someone who worked so hard to learn where I kept it hidden, and then still violated my vulnerability?

No.

If I’d never met him, I wouldn’t be feeling this way. If I’d never met him, I would never have fallen in love and gotten hurt. If I’d never met him, I would have carried on with my life—my emotions quiet and undisturbed—rather than screaming at me in the middle of the night, making me lose sleep and dread the idea of getting to know someone new again. If I had never met him, I can’t help but think that my life would have been better. Of course, there’s no guarantee of this, but compared to how I’ve felt in those heart-breaking moments? Never having met any of my exes sounds like the more appealing option were I given the choice to do my life over again.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that my bitterness exists because I loved harder and therefore got cut deeper. My entire (significant) dating history is comprised of four men. I’ve only ever been in real love with one, but even with the ones where I thought it was love, I recognise my pattern: I invest too much. Relationship coach Derrick Jaxn uses the parable of a car: It’s easier for the car that’s coasting along under the speed limit to come to a complete stop than it is for the car that’s cruising down the highway. I am the cruising car. Ignoring all the warning signs, rushing to a destination I know he and I are never going to reach together, and ultimately, crashing and burning.

I will tell you that most women fall victim to this tragedy. I have friends who are still cruising down the highway. When the man we love (or “love”) starts to put less into the relationship, we tend to start giving more of ourselves to make up for that deficiency. That’s why it takes us so much longer to walk away—even when we know we should. I have done this four out of four times, and while I acknowledge that I’ve done it to myself, am I not allowed to hate him for letting me do it? If any of my exes cared about me the way they all claim they did, when they could see that I was putting foot on the accelerator, why didn’t they stop me? Warn me? Hell��cut the ignition cables!—why let me crash and burn?!

I’ve posed this question to a few of my male friends and relatives, and I’m starting to believe that men are just genetically coded as pussies when it comes to relationships. They would rather play the “long con” (becoming emotionally distant, less attentive, making less time to see you) so that you eventually give up and walk away from the relationship, rather than them just saying they want out. I call it manipulation, they call it the exchange of power. If she thinks that the was the one who broke up with you then everybody walks away unscathed.

WRONG!

If she loves you, she’s not going to let you go without a fight. Which creates an exhausting cycle of arguments, make-up sex (which means you’ll be fucking her psychologically too), more arguments, more make-up sex, tears (usually hers), until finally, the breakup. And because you’d checked out of the relationship ages ago, her absence won’t matter to you. You’ll feel relieved, while she’ll be devastated. She will see this. She will internalise it, and this will turn her into… guess what? The bitter ex-girlfriend!

So why should she be “grateful” after all that? Why should she be “thankful” that you came into her life? Why should I feel “appreciation” for someone who made me cry so hard that I literally lost the ability to breathe just because that meant “my love was real”?

Nope. No dice. If you can put me through all of that, as far as I’m concerned, I am entitled to hate you. I am entitled to hate everything about you. I will walk in the opposite direction if I ever spot you out in public. I will pretend not to see you even if you see me. I will call you the devil to all my friends and family, even if you were once a saint whose praises I used to sing. Oh, and don’t think this will drain my energy—it won’t. People like to say hating someone is exhausting but it really isn’t. Hating you will be as effortless as waking up on a Sunday morning. I’ll make my coffee, get dressed and go on about my day. I won’t pay you mind until I’ll hear a song or see something that will remind me of us, and I’ll remember that I hate you. I will hate you in moments. At random and completely unforced.

I will admit, though, that this (regrettably) doesn’t last forever. Three out of four (ex)periences taught me that.

Once the anger subsides and I start to analyse the relationship, I begin to come to terms with the reasons why it never would have worked. I will acknowledge my own faults and shortcomings. I will start to accept that because something between us was broken, we were bound to break up anyway. I won’t forgive and forget but I will become indifferent. I will, eventually, feel nothing. The ashes he made of my heart will no longer get swept up in the winds of possibility to seek his visage. The soul he killed will be reborn and I’ll be… fine. Not hurt, not sad, not happy, but fine. And if I see you out in public during this time then we’ll probably make eye contact, and I’ll raise a palm in a half-hearted wave from a distance. Given another month or so, you might even get a friend request on Facebook.

Three out of four (ex)periences taught me that I won’t hate you forever, even with conscious determination, because my hatred isn’t hatred at all. It’s the evolution of my temporal lobe, the metamorphosis of my emotions, the lusus naturae of my cremated heart, all preparing me for the next phase of loving you differently. Not all of my (ex)periences have survived this process, and I suppose that would be natural selection at work.

I am a bitter ex-girlfriend, but even though that will eventually change don’t ever expect me to be grateful that I met you. Call it short sighted of me, but, for all we know, our lives might have been better off if we’d never crossed paths in the first place. Food for thought.

[eaglebones-falconhawk]

ok. heres a write up of my astro weekend. sorry it’s so long. 

...or at least everything i can remember. 

i guess i’ll go in order. 

thursday: 

thursday was in athens. i sat around my airbnb room for a bit and then finally decided to go check out a shop around 2 pm. well apparently that fuckin shop was literally next door bc as soon as I turned around from loading up the parking meter, Birdstuff was there with the sound guy (his friend). I said hi and we talked for a bit, then I went into the store. I got a cool sweater and a cute dress and the girl at the counter took my picture to put on their instagram.  I checked out a few more shops in the area before I went back. Also, Reel Big Fish were playing literally right up the road and I heard them rehearsing. 

I got to the venue right before the doors opened and ran into a guy from the fan facebook group. we talked for a bit and he said he flew in from new york for the show. super nice dude. I went in and no one checked if i had a ticket or id’ed me or anything. kinda weird. Anyway i just kinda sat there for a while while people came in. avona nova waved at me when she showed up, then coco said hi later while I was talking to someone. the other guy was like “you know that guy...i feel like i should know him!” I had to tell him who it was, I thought that was pretty funny. 

I also saw Birdstuff again before their set. He gave me a setlist but only if i promised not to look at it. I shoved it in my pocket and forgot about it til the next day. lol.  Their set was really good. They opened with one of my favorite songs, and played the MST3K theme song. They also played one new song. Coco grabbed my head during one of the intro samples. Birdstuff also fed a chunk of pizza to the guy next to me.  Oh shit, I almost forgot about Pylon. They played before astroman and were AMAZING. Also Vanessa (the singer) told me she liked my jacket when i picked up their new record from the merch table. I’m really really glad I got to see them.

After the set I stuck around to say hi and stuff. Me and my new buddy from the facebook group both talked to coco for a bit. I showed him my tattoo and he said he’d make sure i’d be on the guest list for the rest of the weekend buuut that never happened. I dont think he was lying or forgot but I never did get on that guest list :/. I gave him and everyone but star crunch some stickers. Avona Nova asked me about my shoes, and she was so into them. It was adorable! I love her.  That’s about it for thursday night.  Friday: 

The friday show was in atlanta. I went to check out the botanical gardens in athens before i left town. it was unsurpisingly not that great on the last day of november but i still enjoyed it. it was nice to go for a peaceful walk through nature and i still got to see some cool plants. I left and drove to atlanta and went to my favorite shop in little 5 points, then left because i didnt wanna deal with people or traffic anymore. (i still got stuck in traffic). I did get a cool MoAM magnet though. 

The show in atlanta was in the same place i saw them last year- except they expanded so the venue was about twice as big. i got there kinda early (they also opened the doors way later than advertised) so i sat with one of birdstuff’s friends/the sound guy for a while. hes a really nice guy and showed me pictures of his cats. he also introduced me to some other people that work at saturn.

the merch table was on the old stage and i fell a little bit and almost spilled my drink on star crunch who was unloading tshirts. he was like “oh...hi”. after the show he told me his dog died :/

 the first 2 opening bands were kinda weird but i had fun watching them. Arcwelder played and I really enjoyed seeing them. I think i’m gonna try and get some of their cds. I saw coco in the audience again and i think he waved at me but i cant remember if he said hi. my new buddy was kind of impressed that any of the band members did say hi though. lol.  i think avona nova musta said hi that night too bc at some point he was like “you’re like the astro-insider”. I thought it was hilarious. 

The set for this night was pretty great. they opened with With Automatic Shutoff again but it sounded way better. they also did a few improv songs, and played the mst3k song again, but it wasnt on the set list. Coco fell at some point during the set and kicked me in the face a little bit. I told him afterward and he felt really bad. He also knocked over one of the monitors when he fell, and i had to hold it up with 2 other guys to keep it from falling. I got to wear coco’s helmet for a minute but its heavy and smelly so i put it on someone else as soon as i could. also henry (the guy who put all the shows together as his birthday party) told me he was really glad i came. it was kinda weird but it was nice. kinda made me wanna cry though. 

After the show i stuck around for a bit. this time i did get to talk to the band a bit more. I asked star crunch how he was doing and he was like “i’ve had better weeks....my dog just died” UM. OKAY. he did seem really sad though. i feel bad for him. hes such a nice man. We talked for a bit and I gave him some of the stickers i made.  birdstuff knew i was going to drive from atlanta to birmingham for the next show so he offered to find me a place to stay as they all claimed “the drive back was really boring”. star crunch was like “you could stay with my parents, my dad could teach you how to line dance.” lmao. him and coco also told me about a time they apparently both interviewed and applied for the same job, with the idea that theyd both work the same position for like half the year and get twice the amount of work done, so they could tour the rest of the year. i had to tell him that basically the same thing happened in an episode of its always sunny in philadelphia. lmao. i talked with them all for a while before they started leaving and stuff. i mean i didnt have anything better to do. i said see ya later and got an uber home. my airbnb was cold as shit and i didnt sleep very well. 

saturday: 

the saturday show was at Saturn in Birmingham. and it was perfect. i slept as late as i could then just chilled in my airbnb (it was a converted airstream trailer- hella cool but kinda cold in late november/early december) until it was time to go. i packed all my shit but wasnt really sure if i wanted to stay in Bham because i figured i’d have to stay with a stranger or something. the drive from atlanta to birmingham really wasnt that bad, but i’m also not a 40 year old man. I got to bham way earlier than i expected so i went and tried to get something to eat. the sandwich i ordered was amazing but i just wasnt hungry. did i  mention i have appetite issues when i travel? because i barely ate anything all weekend. anyway i went to saturn and just sat around for a while til i met another person from the facebook group. which was nice, because i basically wasn’t alone at any of the shows. this guy was also super nice. avona nova came up and said hi and asked me about video games? i wasnt feeling good and i was really confused when she said that. it was still cool she said hi though. she’s so sweet. 

once again i wasnt on the setlist even though coco told me twice he’d make sure i was on there. i was kinda mad about it til he came up before their set and asked if i got in okay. (he also startled me when he did this because he came up from behind).  Arcwelder played again this show and they were really good again. Tar was also super good and the singer told me he liked all my space shit after the show. he was really nice. 

This show was played on the floor with a huge parachute as a backdrop. it looked awesome and made for a nice intimate setting. the band came through the audience instead of from the back and scared the hell out of me when they came up from behind me. 

This show was probably my favorite of the whole weekend. I think the set was a little longer but they also just sounded great. 

early on in the set star crunch’s microphone was like, electrified and it shocked him in the middle of a song. he put his guitar up to it to prove it and there was a bright spark. someone said “put a sock on it” so coco, being the fucking weird man he is took his shoe off and offered his sock to star crunch. but like its a sock and your mouth goes real close to the mic so he was like “no!!” coco just threw his fucking sock into the audience and played half the show with only one shoe on til the rest of the band made him put the other one on (with no sock). 

the theremin broke at some point during the set (it fell...but a cymbal also fell and broke the cord. who knows which truly broke it) so they almost didn’t play principles unknown, but birdstuff had the sound guy put a bunch of reverb on the mic and made coco do the fucking theremin noises with his mouth. and it was fucking incredible. he did it like, perfectly and TBH it was amazing to witness. i got it on video and i’m so glad i did. 

coco put the space helmet on me again during this show, and i tried to take a selfie with it but it didnt save :/. oh well. it got passed around the audience and everyone that got it seemed super happy. 

they played the mst3k song one more time this show, and birdstuff dedicated it to me :) he said something like “she drove all the way from fucking new zealand!” and this guy with a real heavy southern accent tapped my shoulder and was like “new zealand?” no...just iowa. lmao. it was so cool he did that, though. i’m really hoping someone recorded the whole show so i can go back and listen to it later. 

birdstuff did his regular drum kit sculpture but this time he stole a bunch of people’s belts (yes....he asked the audience for belts and then took them) and hung the snare drum from the ceiling. the second funniest part of the show was watching people try to find their belt from the pile. 

after the show i saw another guy in a jumpsuit so i went to tell him i liked it, just for solidarity i guess? turns out he went to high school with coco. weird! he was a super friendly guy and was kind of enthralled with my outfit. he took a picture with me and coco lol. 

I asked coco if i could take a picture with all 4 of them. i hadnt done it yet and i was like why not! its a special weekend!. he was like “yeah! if we can get everyone all together” which yeah, took a while. i also made sure i asked star crunch since he usually disappears first.

there were some teenage girls there who were trying to get the band’s autographs, and it was awesome. they were nice and i hope they had a good show. one of them told me she thought star crunch was cute. lmao. i kinda wish i’d gotten some autographs but i had such a good weekend, it doesn’t matter. 

i hung around until finally we got everyone in one room so we could take a picture. my bud for the night from the facebook group also got to take a picture with them. 

birdstuff asked again if i wanted to stay there, and i was like “sure!” mostly just so i could say i did it. man, it was an awesome place. they put in  some rooms and bunks above the venue so bands could sleep there. none of the bands that played that night stayed though, so i got the whole front room to myself. birdstuff showed me around and tried to get netflix on the tv to work but couldnt so he just showed me where the dvds were. i found a simpsons dvd and watched that. 

let me tell you- staying the night in saturn, watching the simpsons after an amazing MoAM show where they dedicated a song to me and then i got to hang out with them for a bit, that’s my idea of heaven. it was such a perfect night. i also took some pictures in the upstairs of saturn, partially because i wanted to be able to prove i was there, but also because the art and decorations were fucking awesome. such a good night. 

i did have to take a shower without a shower curtain though. birdstuff couldnt fix that. i didnt even care though. 

sunday:

the sunday show was in atlanta again, at a place called whirlyball. now what i didnt know about this place was that its not a fucking venue but basically an arcade. or well, more like, its this sport played on bumpercars with lacrosse sticks. theres 2 courts and a few games in the lobby, oh and theres a stage too. what a weird place. i was starting to feel sick by this day so i just sat on the couch for a while. avona nova sat on the couch next to me and we talked for a minute, and the others said hi when they saw me. 

i watched people play whirly ball for a bit, chilled while the first band played, then while the next band set up i went and found a bar chair in the lobby. one of the OTHER guys from the facebook fan group came and said hi and gave me an envelope with a ton of cool MoAM flyers in it. he also printed one of the pictures i took at the friday show and made me a custom record with that as the insert cover. it was fucking awesome but unexpected, i hadnt seen this guy all weekend even though he was at the other georgia shows. 

this was an all ages show so there were a few kids there. (including coco’s kid, she was adorable). pretty standard set again. i was feeling kinda crappy so this show felt weird to me, but it was still a lot of fun. at the end they pulled up a few kids to play bass and drums, and it was awesome. i found those kids after the show and gave em some stickers. they were so excited. 

i waited around after the show for a while again. avona nova told me she was gonna find the merch they brought so i could get some pins for my friends but mostly i didnt want to leave. she also asked if i wanted to take another picture with all 4 of them but star crunch and birdstuff were out of sight so i just took one with her, and then coco. shes so sweet. 

i met one more dude from the facebook group, this time a guy that came with his kid. they were both so excited to be there and it was adorable. he saw one of the pictures i had posted of a huge leaf i found at the georgia botanical gardens and showed me one he had taken earlier that day of his son with the same type of big fucking leaf (it was as big as him!). I gave them some stickers, and then they left. i think they had a bit of a drive. 

i hung around for a bit longer, talked to a few more people but there wasnt anything special really. some ladies really liked the jumpsuit i wore (lol). eventually i was ready to leave and birdstuff gave me a hug ( :)) ). he was worried about me driving back and offered to find me a hotel room. he also said to “make sure you stop at a rest stop if you start getting tired” which is exactly what my mom would say, lmao. it was sweet though. i said goodbye to him and daniel (the sound guy) and left. 

i got gas and then cried while i was driving because i had such a perfect weekend and i wasnt really ready for it to end. but like i was getting sick and ready to go home. anyway i drove home overnight (like 10 hours). 

anyway i had the most fun i’ll probably ever have for the rest of my life and it was worth the long fucking drive. my only regret is being too anxious to eat and not doing more shopping. 

thanks for reading this, if you did in fact do so. part of this was just to act as a journal if i want to go back and look at it later. 

sorry its so long. 

[briannadeberry]

Opening Up...

Hi, guys.

Welcome to my blog, I’m Brianna. Today’s blog is going to be a more somber one. This post will reflect something you might see on Brianna Writes…so here’s a sneak peek. I will be experimenting so, tell me whether or not you like this style.

This is a big, heavy post. I talk about anxiety, depression, and suicide. If you are triggered by any of these things, I highly recommend you don’t read this post. I don’t want to trigger you.

I’m going to place “keep reading” so, everything you read afterwards…assume that it could be triggering.

You good? Okay. If you’re sticking around, I’m assuming your mental health is strong enough to read on.

Take a deep breath.

Okay. Last week, a lot of stuff happened. And I don’t generally talk about stuff that happens in the news that aren’t writing related, movie related, music related, TV related. I don’t like sticking my nose in things I don’t feel comfortable sticking them in.

But this is important. This is necessary. Mental health is important. It is not a joke. It’s not the end of a punch line.

Mental illness is not a joke.

It’s brutal. It’s ugly. It’s an evil bastard. It will reel you in and make you believe you are okay, when really you’re not.

I have a hard time talking about this. It’s not a subject that I talk about on an everyday basis. In fact, what I’m about to admit here, might surprise them.

Don’t get me wrong. They know about my anxiety. But me being the awkward, self-deprecating person that I am….I tend to write off my pain as non-existant. It’s not real. It’s not physical, so nothing must be wrong with me, right? Right?

Wrong.

Just because it isn’t physical. Doesn’t mean it isn’t real…and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

I guess, I have to go into my story. The reason why you most likely clicked on this post or stopped scrolling to read.

I’m not who I say I am. I’m living a lie. I could be an actress, I’ve lied to you so well.

Let me be clear. I…me the person sitting behind this screen, typing this post for you to read is not lying to you.

You see, I’m the biggest fool of them all. I believed myself, too. I kept telling myself that I was okay…and the dark voices that were piling in my head was normal. Everyone has a conscious. Everyone has a good angel and a bad angel sitting on their shoulders.

I thought it was normal.

But wasn’t normal was the idea…the desire…to plunge a knife deep into my stomach. Multiple times. Before I sought help. I wondered how it would feel to strangle myself and tried to asphyxiate myself, which my sister kept informing me was virtually impossible.

It started like that.

And the feeling of not being good enough. The feeling of being overwhelmed started to enter my life. The issues started in high school…although the issues could be spotted earlier if I truly remembered that far back.

I was a shy kid. I could be called or described as an introvert. I hate being the center of attention. I hate being part of a big group. I’m a loner. I like…being by myself. Well…kinda.

I’m also very awkward and get extremely nervous when talking to a person or group of people. My heart starts beating a mile a minute, my palms become sweaty and the speech that I had perfectly planned prior to standing in front of the person, totally runs away from me. Either that, or I speak so low/ mumble that the person could barely hear me. Both of them equally embarrassing, both something that make me equally uncomfortable.

I didn’t recognize it as a problem until it manifested into something bigger. Something more troubling.

The first year I attended a 4-year college finishing out the two years I had completed at a smaller community college. It. Was. A. Hot. Mess.

If I smiled and said I liked it…I’d probably be lying. It wasn’t all on the professors. Majority of them were friendly and respectful. There were 1-2 that I just didn’t care for. Didn’t like. Their teaching styles was not something I enjoyed.

But, before the school year even started…I was working on having a mental breakdown. I began scratching my arms, barely hard enough to make those kinds of white scratch marks. You know, the ones that easily go away?

Those kinds of scratch marks.

I did that for a couple of months.

And at the same time, I felt this dark, stormy cloud over my head all the time. I felt useless, unloved. And I often find myself comparing myself to my younger sister, who I think-is way more successful, shows a desire to go for a practical job, looks magazine beautiful, and is everything that I am not.

Do not get me wrong. I love my sister. I wish only the best for her. But sometimes….sometimes I get jealous. Sometimes I feel like I should be farther than where I am. Doing something with my life.

And I feel like I’m doing nothing but failing. Everyone in my life…around my age…seems to have gotten it all figured out.

And here I am…questioning whether or not college is right for me. If I’m going down the right path. I don’t know who I am.

You could say that I’m young, naive. That I don’t understand…that I should stick college out. Get that bachelor’s degree.

But the dark abyss that is college is another story in and of itself. Let’s just say…it’s not what I thought it would be.

Movies lie. TV shows lie.

It’s not all fun and games. It’s a lot of work. A lot of hard work. Something I never really prepared myself mentally before. Which led me to be unhappy and feel as though a dark cloud over my head was hanging there permanently. Unmoving.

Instead of enlightening me…it made me feel worse. It made me feel inadequate. It made me feel as though others were getting somewhere in their life…I was still in block one, searching for something to do with my life.

I think this year 2017-2018 has been the darkest time of my life thus far. I have never thought of suicide before as much as I have this year.

I just wanted it to be over. The feeling of not being good enough, the stress of doing well in school because that’s what is expected, and not living to expectations. Of watching other peoples’ lives flash through Facebook and they are everything that I wish I could be.

I’m not going to go into detail. Just know that I have had…am still having…suicidal thoughts.

I managed to grow enough courage to go to the doctor and begin to talk about these important issues. I’m glad I sought help before I was pulled deep down the rabbit hole and the chances of me getting was close to none.

I’m not perfect. Nor 100% cured. There’s still a lot to grow. I apologize if this post seemed rambling, this wasn’t really planned. Other than me just speaking about my mental health struggles. I hope you guys feel less alone. I hope you guys take what I said to learn and grow.

I’ll leave you all with positive thoughts and well wishes. Remember my door is always open if you wish to speak to someone. I highly encourage you all to get help, if/when you need to, don’t keep the pain inside. It will only get worse. 

I hope you have a great rest of your day...I apologize for being a debbie-downer.  Next week, I’ll be back in normal spirits, with a huge announcement with what’s coming next with Beyond the Story. A sort of an explanation as to what’s been going on. I hope you’re staying around for that. 

With that being said, I’ll see you next week. Until next time. 

If you or a loved on are suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts please call the National Suicide Hotline (US) 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website, https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org. 

For Deaf & Hard of Hearing (US) 1-800-799-4889

In Spanish (En Español) (US) 1-888-628-9454

If not in the U.S. please follow the link, below to help you find a Suicide Prevention hotline near you: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

[jesspaulblog]

YOUTUBERS: 7 ADVANTAGES THEY HAVE OVER FILM ACTORS As there are various types of YouTube channels, there are also many reasons a vlogger may have started his own show. Maybe… he loves telling dad jokes, he has a specific life experience to share or, he really loves trap music and can’t stop talking about the genre.

OR, he could be an actor who’s taken it upon himself to start his career and name. If you’ve ever frowned upon an actor for getting their start on the very small screen, consider these advantages they have over an actor who has never hit that upload button.

But before the list, I’ll clear the air and admit: I’m a former YouTuber. I only get so candid because it makes more sense to narrate from my first-hand experience as I navigate this listicle. I had a YouTube show called Wrecked Radio from 2009-2014 that obtained a YouTube partnership, 3 million+ views & an international fanbase before ending. Though my production quality and performance was amateur at the start, I honed my style and skill as it developed over the five years it ran. I only said ‘Goodbye’ when I started to focus on my film career, the type of performing I really wanted to do, but I can’t deny how important my YouTube years were for my growth as a performer.

ABOVE: I turned this article into a YouTube video. If you like to watch/listen to advice over reading it, click the play button.

Comfort with the Camera As I moved surprisingly gracefully through the indie film scene in my local market, I realized a reason I did so well in the audition room: I was already so comfortable with my greatest filmmaking partner, the camera. After years of stumbling over, starting over and editing my own line deliveries, getting up in front of the audition camera wasn’t such an alien and awkward behavior as it sometimes is to beginner actors.

Homemade Reel Material As I auditioned in my first few months, it was a pleasant relief to already have an entire reel’s-worth of material to show casting. Granted, it was a reel of me telling joke monologues in front of a chroma-key screen with a couple corny skits sprinkled in, but it showed a lot of my conviction and experience and...I was on camera!

Production & Writing Experience …It was also a relief to have been able to edit that reel together myself as I still do today. When I first made the decision to start a YouTube show, I had to fumble my way around every aspect of it: filming with an old home video camera, lighting my green screen so the effect actually worked and cutting my show with the free software on my family computer. As I got more serious with the show, I upgraded my equipment and used the same fiddling/Googling technique to learn how everything worked best.

ABOVE: First acting reel (top) vs. current acting reel (bottom). Never stop learning.

But besides Mickey-Mousing my way around equipment, I also accomplished producing an entire comedy-news series by myself. I researched and wrote the show, corny half-jokes and all, every Sunday night and produced on Monday. I felt the weight of go-live deadlines (which I often worked right up to or past), exercised my skills at various, makeshift crew positions and released my work in a very public way every week. Which brings me to…

Feedback & Self-Awareness Some actors value the power of the moment and an honest performance by not watching themselves in the final product. Though I respect that approach, I never understood how it was more helpful. Every week as I edited myself, I developed constructive observations on all my innate aspects: my gestures, expressions, line-delivers, my enunciation.

I trimmed and tagged the best and worst parts of my on-camera presence and notably became more present and poised as the series went on. But, not only was I picking apart my own performance, I was critiqued by my own gallery of “digital content purveyors”. Besides informing me of characteristics I didn’t know I possessed (“I have a Pittsburgh accent??”), the brutally honest responses thickened my skin in a way that left me practically untouchable. You have enemies… what about a YouTube following?

But, despite the carnal nature of the internet, I don’t actually remember a lot of the insults or criticisms to this day. The compliments and admiration heavily outweigh the troll banter. Spoiler-alert, I actually attempted to pursue my childhood dream of acting only after Wrecked Radio did so well… I went to art school, afterall.

Marketing and Brand Representation YouTube, though, provided more than clicks and comments. When creating a web series, you are forced to also stretch your wings in the field of marketing. Watch your favorite YouTuber over a period of time and map their patterns: catchphrases, editing style, on-screen personality, content topics. And with my great art degree, I was able to design all the logo-types, posters, banners, thumbnails and video graphics.

I not only learned how to promote my work efficiently (and freely using everything I knew about the open web), but I practiced making my brand recognizable and consistent. With my own observations (and some help from YouTube analytics) I learned what demographics were watching my videos, what they liked and expected, which of my videos were most popular (and why??), and, most importantly, why did the same people keep coming back week after week?

ABOVE: Older actor-help video of mine: "What To Wear To An Audition".

Social Media Following Entwined within the nature of a YouTube channel, social media was a large part of my brand and growth. Facebook, Twitter and now Instagram continue to be an important part of not only selling anything anywhere but to actors and YouTubers. The show itself harbored likes and follows every week as it climbed the YouTube charts and I plugged and prompted attention to my social media at the end of every episode.

In today’s competitive market, producers and casting directors are considering social media popularity when choosing between actors, leaning on those with larger followings to help promote their final product. A harsh new reality but an inevitability. My wide-spread series allowed me to reach beyond my local film community, providing a reason to know and follow me.

Extra Income Not making the bucks as an actor in the beginning? It may take a while and a lot of work to popularize your show and apply Adsense to your videos, but it’s a way to take your fate into your own hands and monetize your own talent. Like YouTube taught me to produce my own content, it also introduced me to the business side of entertainment. Though YouTube has recently (if you are reading this circa summer of 2017) come under fire for monetization restrictions, it’s still a platform that allows a performer to bank on their own show success, if either through YouTube’s aforementioned Adsense or separate income-enabling entities like Patreon. (Gosh, so much good alliteration in this one)

Not all actors want to be their own producer. Creating Wrecked Radio took up a vast chunk of my time and attention when I was in it, so much so that I had to ultimately decide between continuing to build upon a hobby I was becoming weary of or take a risk at something new. I picked the latter and do not regret it, but I would not be the same performer if it wasn’t for that big, red play button.

This is a NEW Show Now on my way to my first attempt in L.A., I'm bringing my community with me. YouTube was how I got started and its how I plan to grow. You'll often watch videos of YouTubers thanking their subscribers over and over for getting them to a career they've always wanted: there has never been a closer connection between creaters and fans in the entertainment industry as their is on YouTube. If you'd like to see what new content I'm "spinning", visit my channel and turn that red sub button gray.

[rockrevoltmagazine]

INTERVIEW: KRAGEN OF HEATHEN

Senior journalist Anabel DFlux had the opportunity to pick the brain of Kragen from Heathen, guitarist extraordinaire. Heathen is an American thrash metal band originating from the San Francisco Bay Area, anxiously anticipating the release of their upcoming album Empire of the Blind. The two chatted about the correlation between the album’s concept and current world events, the art that encompasses the release, and what you can expect in the future from Heathen. 

Thank you so much for chatting with us today! Heathen has an upcoming album at the cusp of being released, Empire Of the Blind. With there being such a gap between Empire of the Blind and Heathen’s previous release, how do you feel the gap has impacted the album’s writing process? Is there a difference in how you all work together? 

Kragen: Well, we actually started writing music for the new Heathen album back in 2012. Half of the album was more or less written by 2014. The only thing that really changed with the songwriting process is the fact that we all live far away from each other now. Unfortunately, we didn’t have the luxury of getting together to work on the songs so the entire album was written and demoed in my home studio. With the big gap in between albums, the important thing for us was to make sure that the songs, recording and production were the very best that they could be. We knew that after 10 years we had to come out with something very strong.

This is the first album to feature Jason Mirza and Jim DeMaria on bass and drums respectively. How did the two fit into this upcoming release? 

Kragen: I have known Jason Mirza and been in Psychosis with him since the early ‘90s. He also spent some time in the Bay Area scene before I met him in Los Angeles so he already knew David and Lee. It was really a perfect fit. The same for Jim DeMaria. We have known Jim for many years already and had toured together when he was in Generation Kill. Both guys are great musicians and great people. It’s really a cool family vibe in the band now, which should serve us well in the future. Their performances on the new record are great. They both understand what makes Heathen sound the way that it does and their contributions to the new record definitely reflect that.

Who produced Empire of the Blind and what was that process like? 

Kragen: The new album was produced by Zeuss. We spent about a year working on the album. Zeuss recorded the drums, bass, vocals and Lee’s guitar solos. The rhythm guitar tracks and my solos were recorded in my home studio. One of the reasons we did this was so that we could spend more time working on the album. There are a LOT of guitar tracks on the album and we didn’t want to rush anything. It was a really great process overall. Zeuss did a killer job and got great sounds for each of the instruments. We went to great lengths to use as much analog equipment as possible on the album as possible. He was also able to achieve a great mix and realize our vision of having the sound be part classic analog recording and part modern recording. We’re all very happy with the end result.

Art is such a staple in every release. Tell me about the album cover. 

Kragen: The artwork for Empire of the Blind was created by Travis Smith. He has an amazing ability to visualize the lyrical concepts in his artwork and was able to do this perfectly with the album cover. It basically shows an empire in ruins with a giant skull monument in the foreground, with oil oozing from the eye sockets and forming a pool at the bottom. The skull with blindfold represents what was once a mighty empire but has fallen.

The press release writes, “Empire of the Blind is a big metaphor for modern society, one run by social media, the power of immediacy, the persuasiveness of emotion, and how an empire (or nation) can so easily slip into complacency and groupthink.” Do you feel these concepts correlate with the current world pandemic? Do you have an inkling that the current Covid-19 crisis will impact the fan’s perception of the music? 

Kragen: The album was actually finished in January of this year before the pandemic started. While some of the lyrical concepts are certainly appropriate for what is happening in the world right now there’s no way that we could have predicted something like this. Many of the more social/political lyrics focus on the manipulation of the public through propaganda in the media and social media. This is something that has been going on throughout history since the dawn of civilization but happens much, much faster and is much more widespread in the age of the internet. Most people get their news and information through the internet and social media these days. The problem is that we don’t know what is true or false, real or fake and misinformation is often spread and shared very quickly before it’s verified. These lyrics reflect on the way that all of this is affecting society and serves as a warning in some ways.

Is there a particular song you fancy on the album more than others? 

Kragen: They are all my babies so it’s hard to choose just one. That said, I’m really proud of the way that the title track came out. It’s one of my favorite songs that I have ever written.

What inspired the release of never-before-seen footage on the band’s YouTube channel for The Making of the Evolution of Chaos Documentary?

Kragen: We put together The Making of the Evolution of Chaos Documentary to include on the DVD with the 10th Anniversary edition of the album that was released in January of this year. We had some in studio footage from the recording sessions and thought that it would be cool to put together a documentary on the making of the album and include new interviews with the band and album producer. It ended up coming out great and we just released it on YouTube for those that either bought the vinyl edition or hadn’t otherwise seen the documentary. We also released a 30 minute reel of outtakes from the recording sessions, many of which weren’t included in the documentary.

With concerts being rescheduled to 2021- Is there a show, festival, or tour you are most looking forward to?! 

Kragen: I think we’re all just really looking forward to things getting back to normal and being able to tour and promote the new album. We’re in a strange position releasing a new album without the possibility of touring but we’re doing everything we can to make the most of the situation. The most important thing for us is that fans can hear some new Heathen music while they are stuck at home and craving new entertainment!

Thank you! 

Kragen: Thanks to you for the interview as well! For those reading, please check out the new Heathen singles for “The Blight” and “Empire of the Blind” and look for the new album to be released on September 18th! We look forward to touring just as soon as live shows are possible. Until then, please follow the band on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube at the links below! Cheers!

Facebook: www.facebook.com/heathen.official

Instagram: @heathenthrash

YouTube: www.youtube.com/user/heathenmetalofficial

INTERVIEW: KRAGEN OF HEATHEN was originally published on RockRevolt Mag

[avaliveradio]

6.3 Rock Mania with Host Jacqueline Jax

TODAY'S FRESH LIST OF ROCK FRESH OUT OF THE STUDIO. EPISODE HOSTED BY JACQUELINE JAX.

Listen to the show at 8 am et : The Anchor Fm page: https://anchor.fm/ava-live-radio

iHeartRadio station page : https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-AVA-Live-Radio-Musi-29336730

The Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2toX0f3dPmI8gmUSOKZicx

FEATURING:

Artist: Tough On Fridays

New Release: October 1

Genre: Rock; Pop-Rock; Garage Rock; Alternative Rock; Pop Punk

Located in: : Georgetown, TX

Tough On Fridays is a rising alternative rock duo from Georgetown, Texas. Comprised of best friends Katie and Caleigh, the two have turned their shared passion for music into an exciting blend of pop and rock!

Their brand-new song, "October 1,” is the lead single for a series of EPs they are releasing in 2019. Caleigh, Tough On Fridays’ guitarist, wrote a song called “Summer” (released as the “A” side for the single “Under-Appreciated” in April 2019) about her ongoing issues with seasonal depression. What is different is that Caleigh’s depression is the reverse of the usual … instead of her depression hitting in winter, hers hits in summer. Thus, “October 1” is a celebration for Caleigh of all things Fall: the change to cooler weather, Halloween, drinking coffee just to stay warm. It’s a driving, fast-paced song that sounds deceptively simple but, like fall preparing for winter, a lot is happening under the surface that’s not so readily apparent.

When we all got together to plan this project, we knew that, like all our other recording projects, we needed not only to produce a lot of material (which we usually do because we tend to work fast) but it had to keep moving our music forward. This project was totally different than our others as we recorded everything at The Bubble in Austin, TX, with engineer/producer Chris “Frenchie” Smith (Toadies, Front Bottoms, Residual Kid). This was the first time we’d had someone other than producer/manager Eric on the production side when we were creating the recordings. Having Frenchie and Eric both there, as well as a more defined direction in our records was huge for us. While we can honestly say that we love all our records (yes, we actually listen to our own stuff long after the records are done), this change in the recording process was big for us.

Coming up Next...

We just finished our Kickstarter crowdfunding project and with that, we have enough funding to do our first album which we plan on starting early next year. We recorded enough material at The Bubble in January and February so that we can release new songs every month through the end of the year including some acoustic stuff we really wanted to do. Right now, we’re catching our breath a bit since we’re both in school and just finished exams and we continue to write new stuff. Always.

LINKS:  - ReverbNation - https://www.reverbnation.com/toughonfridays - Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/55luU7vwyDXYDXxxkLIsu0?si=EnP-W1oeTeysdO5K3H5QWg Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/toughonfridays Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/toughonfridays Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/toughonfridays

Artist: Soul Creed

New Release: Hold On

Genre: Rock, Christian Rock

Located in: Charleston, SC

This song is where Nashville meets Classic Rock! Influenced by iconic artists such as The Beatles, Tom Petty, Jars of Clay, and Christ Stapleton, this acoustic-driven, slide guitar reeling newbie with punchy 4-part harmony chorus vocals shares the story of a lonley 18 yr old girl raised in an orphanage and forced to face adult life on her own without hope in her world. However, the story turns positive with an admonishment for her to "Hold On" there is Someone you can turn to for help! No matter what circumstance you face in life, you are NEVER abandoned or alone!

The music we're creating is both lively and passionate telling stories that convey common human struggles with personal pain and loss, desire, and dealing with the hand life dishes out, and the ongoing spiritual search for love and truth. This song and style mark a step up in maturity in our music journey.

Soul Creed is getting set to perform several weekend dates this summer in Western New York, North Carolina, and Georgia, as well as a visit Nashville, TN in October! On June 16 we will be hosting the 2019 Extreme Tour event in North Charleston, SC. We are currently working on a studio album titled "Stake The Claim", looking to see release sometime in the next year!

LINKS:  https://www.reverbnation.com/soulcreed/song/30494637-hold-on https://open.spotify.com/track/08ydiXnkx0w50hnjWJBNwM https://twitter.com/soulcreedband https://www.facebook.com/soulcreedmusic www.instagram.com/soulcreedmusic

Artist: RELEASER

New Release: Taking Over

Genre: Alternative Rock

Located in:  Chicago

The song is about when you start to realize your addictions are starting to control and take over your life. We tried to emulate the feeling of stress or your body's heartbeat racing through the beat and intensity of the music.. If you’ve ever drank all night and well into the next day with the help of stimulants, you can relate to this song.

The music we are creating is...  "'Retox’ is a collection of songs about addiction, obsession, and an overall loss of self-control. Nothing in these songs are fabricated. You wanna hear stories about a particular fucked up time in my life, put on some headphones and jump down the rabbit hole."--Stephen Mueller, Lead Vocals, Guitar.

Right now we are... 5/31/19 they performing at Cubby Bear in Chicago along our friends and music colleagues Local H and AM Taxi. More exciting Summer show announcements coming soon!!!

LINKS:  https://open.spotify.com/track/6Fp09L1vTEQoSUHl0cqXfJ?si=SleVQWTNQJWscLj5Tgwyyw @wearereleaser www.facebook.com/releaserofficial https://twitter.com/WeAreReleaser

Artist: Karl Sky

New Release: Free

Genre: Americana-Rock

Located in: : LaCrosse, WI

Karl Sky's Music is a pleasant, melodic journey that navigates delicately through the human spirit. "Free" is more than about celebrating a feeling of being in one place at one time. It shows us that you can take what life throws at you, unwillingly have your path change and still embrace a freedom that each of us desires I was heavily influenced by groups such as The Beatles, and Singer/Songwriters Jim Croce, John Denver, Van Morrison & Crosby Stills & Nash.

I lean on a heavy blend of acoustic/electric guitar throughout. The acoustic paints the delicate side of the emotional palette and the electric allows the raw energy to escape. I believe anyone can listen to this song and find some element of it in their adult life.

"Free" is technically my first single release ever, off of a brand new album I just finished after having been inactive musically for several years. Bits and pieces of this song go way back to when I first started writing. So I feel I've come full circle and now I have a rather large catalog of music to show the world.

Right now I am actively working with an influencial publisher in Nashville, focusing on perfecting other songs in my catalog, that will be pitched to major artists.

LINKS:  https://instagram.com/karlskysongs https://karlsky.com https://facebook.com/karl.sky.35 https://soundcloud.com/karl-sky/free

Artist: Black Rose Reception

New Release: Up jumped the devil

Genre: Hard rock

Located in: Indiana

The message in this song is you can overcome the demons of depression, suicide, and stress that we all deal with. There are great and professional people out there who can help.

The music we are creating is an old and new school music mix. We are going in studio recording more new tracks so expect more and watch for the matching merch.

LINKS:  https://open.spotify.com/album/0HEOkTc5fXQyYCr1jwFSeF  https://twitter.com/blackroserecept https://www.facebook.com/BlackRoseReceptionMusic https://www.instagram.com/blackrosereceptio https://store.cdbaby.com/Artist/BlackRoseReception

Artist: Living Waters

New Release: Light of the World

Genre: Christian Rock

Located in: New England

This is a song we did hundreds of times in concert back in our earliest days, in the late 70's and early 80's. We have just recorded a fresh version on our new album, "Overflow". The original classic band line-up is featured in full on this one. It reaches back and touches our deepest roots while tieing thematically and otherwise with our newest creations on the new album.

We are DEFinitely recording more this summer, with more classic material from both Mike and Mark!

LINKS:  https://www.reverbnation.com/livingwaters/song/28663902-light-of-the-world https://www.facebook.com/livingwatersband https://twitter.com/LivingWatersMsc

Artist: Douglas Aldridge

New Release: We’d Better Stroll

Genre: Folk Rock

Located in: Atlanta, GA USA

This song brings together three different stories of dark or desperate life situations.

My music is always a direct product of who I am and what I’m going through. My music is my life and it reflects all those around me, family, friends, experiences all rolled into one package.

As a third-generation singer and entertainer, I have no other choice in the matter. I can’t do anything else but make music. It’s the only thing in my life that ever has or will feel right.

Douglas Aldridge is a passionate and eccentric American multi-instrumentalist, producer, and Alternative, Indie, Folk Singer-Songwriter in Atlanta, GA. Born February 22, 1985, to renowned singer and music minister, Douglas Aldridge Sr.

LINKS:  Official Website http://www.douglasaldridge.net Facebook http://www.facebook.com/DouglasAldridge6x3 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLXYqqnC5z0bxxMqPC2ktaQ Twitter https://mobile.twitter.com/DouglasAldridg Instagram https://www.instagram.com/douglas.aldridge ReverbNation  https://www.reverbnation.com/DouglasAldridgemusic Spotify http://open.spotify.com/artist/y2rsY9pXQ4tLxrRzhCw1MhC

Artist: Garmonsway, Gibbon & Harrington

New Release: Our Heroes

Genre: Rock Ballad

Located in: UK

We all have our musical heroes, whatever our age and tastes in music. ‘Our Heroes’ celebrates this and reflects on the innocence of being in your early teens (or younger) and experiencing your first rock concerts with your friends.

I wanted the song to appeal to everyone, whatever their age, wherever they live, but for me, it is about being early teens and experiencing my first rock concerts in the Northeast of England.

I also wanted the feel of the song to be such that you could imagine it being played on stage with the audience singing along, almost like an anthem to those times.

I’ve brought together three experienced and inventive musicians to explore and record my songs. The musical vibe has both a rock and acoustic feel merged together, and together with the paintings present the whole package. I like to think it portrays a cultured message, musically, lyrically and visually.

Right now we are busy promoting the ‘Northeast’ ep – one of the reasons for the band name was that we could all promote the album through each of our own musical circles.

LINKS:  https://open.spotify.com/album/3YXFZ6q3WrOSiTWJecSHTU  Spotify link to full ep https://open.spotify.com/album/2HlaOwnnq1HlaH7pYAEnfN  Spotify link to Our Heroes single https://www.facebook.com/BestRoomSongs https://www.instagram.com/alan_garmonsway https://twitter.com/bestroomsongs

Artist: Cabela and Schmitt

New Release: ALL

Genre: Soft Rock

Located in: Nebraska and Colorado ALL is a tribute to someone who came into our lives and helped us learn and live and love. In the style of Eagles, Tom Petty or the Beatles.

The music we are creating is... Cabela and Schmitt are a trio of friends who have been collaborating for over 40 years. Our only goal as a group at this stage in our lives is to share with others what we have so freely and abundantly been given. We come from the heart of the United States and humble beginnings, where hard work and perseverance is just a way of life. Cabela and Schmitt are songwriters/composers. We all have the God-given ability to choose how we want to view this world. We are all given a voice, in some way or another, to communicate how we see and experience our world. It is our choice how and when to use that voice. Cabela and Schmitt have chosen to expose our thoughts, beliefs, and feelings in the best way we can…through a song. We have always wanted to share our music without giving up this wonderful life we’ve been given and we are so very happy and excited to be able to share with you! ~Cabela and Schmitt

Right now we are... Just released our 8th album last month - GOLDEN LINKS. Currently working on the 9th scheduled for some time in October.

LINKS:  Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/track/0BFLp6JFiUM0hkd2pkELWs?si=byJkboJPShCDqEPbdp3zPw Twitter - @CabelaSchmitt Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cabelaschmittmusic Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/cabelaandschmitt

Artist: Thomas Thunder

New Release: Nebula

Genre: Progressive Rock

Located in: Fairhaven, Ma USA

This song is a Progressive Rock Song and explores the concept of space and specifically gas and dust from a Super Nova otherwise known as a dying star. This song is impactful because space is truly the final frontier of exploration.

This song is important to my musical direction at this time because I’ve always found space exploration interesting and a Nebula not only are regions of dying stars but are often star forming by clumping together gas and dust; which most musicians hope to be successful “stars”.

Right now I’m working on a video for Nebula which should be out shortly on my Youtube channel. The song will be out on all digital platforms as well like Spotify.

LINKS: 

Website & social media links: https://twitter.com/ThomasThunder10 https://www.instagram.com/thomasthunder11 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiKv0UfB9-Sh6rtaMKIGDRQ https://soundcloud.com/user-930498945

Artist: Studio Fire Band

New Release: Lucid

Genre: Rock ----Grunge Rock or Alternative

Located in: : Edmonton ,Alberta , Canada

Our Music brand is Energy and We are passionate about playing . Tony was inspired to write this song in thinking about a point in life where you get free of bondage of habits, patterns, behaviors, trends of thoughts of negative thinking. Free of self doubt, free of sabotaging thinking or being controlled by others life for yours. Destiny free of addiction, afflictions of mind and spirit . It's important not just for or about each one of us but is a connection as many people have gone through things like this. Trying to be strong, get better, and improve. This is important to our Band at this moment as we are trying reach a larger audience and build our fan base.

We are preparing to work on our third Album soon , Tony had something a little different in mind on at least one song in the mix and I'm not sure how many songs it will be either we will see.

LINKS:  https://www.reverbnation.com/studiofireband/song/30117135-04-lucidton'  https://www.facebook.com/bob.nedved.188

Artist: Saint Ee Ha

New Release: Surrender

Genre: rock, singer-songwriter

Located in: Los Angeles

This song talks about duality of life, it indicates the conversation between the self and the ego, the zero of ego is kind of surrender to the self

We are Saint Ee Ha East Western Rock Band from Los Angeles, (EE HA = SOUL ) Saint Ee Ha is a musical revolutionary committed to uniting the world under a simple unified message to "Kill the Poverty" through powerful and motivational music.

We performed a live show on Memorial Day 26 May at IVAR HOLLYWOOD this event was organized by Sound the groove and on the 30 May we headlined 11.30 pm Act, we are also working on "Dance" MUSIC VIDEO and we are planning on a crazy music video on the song "Surrender" We also plan to release a New Music Album

LINKS:  www.facebook.com/sainteeha www.instagram.com/sainteeha www.twitter.com/sainteeha https://soundcloud.com/sainteeha/surrender

PLAYLISTS:

[fqtoxicity]

New Post has been published on My Quin Story

New Post has been published on http://www.myquinstory.info/chronic-floxing-and-toxic-positivity/

Chronic Floxing and Toxic Positivity

Recently a fellow chronically floxed person posted a very apropos link on Facebook.  The link was to a page from our friends over at Health Rising, Finding Answers to ME/CFS and FM.  The article was entitled “Just Be Positive!” Toxic Positivity, ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia.   It is well written and frankly, speaks volumes. After I read it, it prompted me to write a quick article that focuses a bit more from the Chronic FQAD  persepctive.

Let me throw in the caveat that if you are newly floxed, let’s say two years or less, it’s probably best that you pass this article over, especially if you are in a bad space emotionally.  Seriously. 

Every few days I get a new contact from a floxie that has been suffering chronically for several years, some of them decades.  As a matter of fact, that demographic is the predominant visitor that comes to my website and hangs around. 

When the situation arises and I have the opportunity for additional interaction with some of these individuals a common thread of frustration emerges. I find that many of them are looking for validation for their negative feelings.  They are often angry, frustrated, depressed, remorseful, full of regret and often just plain pissed off.  These emotions are the spectrum of feelings that are commonly felt in those who are long term or chronic sufferers.

Hope, The Caveat

Before you wonder where I am going with this, let me throw in the caveat that, there is no denying that hope is powerful and necessary.  For me, over the last twelve years, I don’t know how many times the only thing I could do was just hold on to a very fragile thread of hope while experiencing very dark times.  I have faced death three times at the hands of the FQ’s (1,2,3) over the last several years, so I know…all I can say is that, I know.  

Having said that, it is interesting to note that very rarely, if ever, do I get industrial strength level of frustration from a newly floxed person.   To them, they are still coming to grips with shock and awe of a new reality and frankly, although they are justifiably upset, have not had the time to process the deeper, PTSD level, hard core range of emotions that comes with long term chronicity.  

For a long-term chronic sufferer, this is where things get a bit blurry.

It seems that for each chronic sufferer there is a fine line between validation, true hope, and those commonly seen sanitized stories or messages that border on toxic positivity.   Many times, people, especially those who are not veterans to the depth or length of suffering that the FQ’s can cause, have difficulty understanding this level of frustration.  They make the mistake of thinking that you can make long term sufferers be positive or they just dismiss the long term sufferer as bitter. Let me try to unpack this a bit. 

Although I wish everyone would heal from an adverse event to the FQ’s, the truth is that many don’t, and stats I have collected unfortunately show this.  It is not a popular message, just bluntly true, and yet another reason why these horrific pharmaceuticals shouldn’t be handed out like candy. 

Visitor and poll demographics that I have collected show that there are so many who took a hit from the FQ’s, then believing to be healed walked away; Some announce recovery and even others claiming to have ‘figured out’ the healing process.  Then, in an unfortunate twist of events, something goes wrong and they return.  The time span varies from months to years.  Either way, the dark realization sets in that many of the recovery stories that we hear were/are inaccurate, very inaccurate.  They unfortunately don’t reflect the true reality.  

The gravity of the situation is that for a lot of individuals, late effects, or delayed adverse events resulting in long term chronicity is more of a reality.  Dealing with the emotions that come along with this living hell is tough to say the least, and that is one of my main points. 

Well Meaning But Misdirected Advice

Although I don’t visit the various floxed groups on social media like I used to, when I did visit, I would see examples or forms toxic positivity directed at chronic sufferers on occasion. It usually went something like this, a long term floxed person would make a comment about the soul wrenching heartache they have felt while enduring years of setbacks and, frankly, insurmountable emotional and physical pain.  Instead of receiving validation for these emotions, the well-meaning positive ‘fairies’ would swoop in with advice.  These were usually folks low seniority so to speak.    Examples of these well-meaning advice tropes are: 

Positive thoughts to generate positive realities, (“Just ell yourself you are going to feel better.”)…yeah? ah, no.  

Treatment advice, (“I have found the reason for floxing!  All you need to do is start taking magnesium!”)….The veteran floxie has heard it all, so it better be good, real good. To be blunt, if the advice giver has been floxed less than six months they better keep their pie-hole shut about telling others what to do, lest things get real violent.  I don’t care if you are an M.D. or have a PhD in biology. Seriously, in the last twelve and a half years I have heard it all.   

Dismissive statements or caveats, (“Not all floxies are this bad,” or “She had a particularly bad reaction…”)…These statements just frost my cookies. It is usually done to blunt the negative effects of expressing valid negative emotions. In other words, an attempt to keep the really messy scary stuff hidden away, out of sight.  Guess what?  Floxing is really scary and messy.  Hiding the reality doesn’t make it go away.

Now don’t get me wrong, most of these are offered up by well meaning individuals.  Unfortunately, they can’t even comprehend the head-space the recipient is in. 

Email From A Chronic Floxie

This led me to a search for an email that I received last fall while I was reeling from the symptoms of a CSF leak.  Unfortunately I did not respond to her at the time but I did read the email.  I usually read all emails I receive. Anyway, she spoke with such candor to this topic that I re-contacted her and got permission to reprint a few excerpts from her email (I changed her name of course).  

Lynn, a former nurse and now a chronically floxed individual candidly shared her feelings in her email:

“I never realized how evil these drugs were.  I was used to seeing side effects from medication at work, but this was a whole new level of understanding. When I first became floxed I gravitated to stories of healing.  As a matter of fact, I was scared and went out of my way to avoid listening to those who had been battling FQAD for a long time.  Shameful to say, I even complained when I thought someone was being too negative.”

She goes on, “I ate healthy, avoided all prescriptions and shunned negative emotions.  I even paid money to a high-priced naturopath who claimed to have treated floxed people before.  After several months I started healing, and after several more months, I felt good enough to go back to work.  I proclaimed myself recovered and walked away, chalking it up as a bad nightmare. Then the unthinkable happened, after a year the symptoms came roaring back.  I could never figure out what I did to trigger their return, if anything.  I really don’t believe I did anything.”

“When I reluctantly came back searching for more answers my whole perspective had changed.  I realized that my previous dismissive behavior before was motivated out of fear.  Worse yet, being an RN I thought I had it figured out, that somehow I was more knowledgeable than most. I didn’t realize that my behavior was having the opposite effect on those who were really suffering.  I viewed those who were really suffering as a minority.  Even worse, to the outside world and other medical personnel I was sending the wrong message.  I was telling them that the FQ’s weren’t really all that bad.  I was sending the message that they could be beaten, if you just really tried.”

One poignant aspect of Lynne’s email, and it is something that I deal with all the time. She wondered how many people don’t even realize their long term problems are the result of taking an FQ? Even those folks who knew they had an initial adverse event, but then thought they healed.  The numbers are probably staggering.

Emotions

Lynne bravely went on and with candor detailed her psychological battle dealing with the negative emotions, including depression, anxiety and anger.  Emotions that weren’t as prevalent her first time around. She, like many, has been battling FQAD for several years now and is receiving regular counseling for PTSD-like symptoms.

It is unfortunate that I receive variants on this type of email on occasion from those who didn’t get better, from those whose recovery didn’t proceed like expected, or from those who were thrust back into this hellish reality after a perceived escape.  

You get the idea.

For many, they become unable to express their emotions and the sense of isolation becomes unbearable, which just compounds the problem.

People do feel isolated because of what this damn drug has done to their bodies and the collateral affect it has had on your homes, jobs, marriages, relationships, and families. 

I once heard someone said that true empathy is getting down in the hole with the suffering person, instead of shouting positive messages from the edge.   Boy, can I relate to that!

So, if you are down in that hole, let me assure you that you are not alone.  

You are not alone in your grief or anger.  You are not alone in your sorrow or despair. I have walked a similar path, and so have many more.  Please know that you have friends in this battle and it’s healthy, natural and necessary to feel the negative emotions brought on by being disabled by these drugs. 

For me, I have learned to cope with these issues through my faith and focusing on the blessings that I have in my life.   Even then it is still hard and some days, really hard.

One thing you won’t get from me is false promises. I won’t blow smoke at you and promise you that it’s going to get better. I won’t lie to you like that. 

But I can tell you somethings that I know to be true. First, despite your disability, you still have self-worth. And secondly, something that I have learned and seen over the last twelve years; You will become stronger in your weakness.

This I know.  I can’t fully explain it, but I have seen it time and time again.  The human spirit and the will to survive still amazes me to this day.

Just know….you are not alone.

This website makes use of licensed stock photography and graphics. All photography is for illustrative purposes only and all persons depicted are models.

[theconservativebrief]

By now, you’ve probably heard the story.

Last week, an actress and photographer, Rosey Blair, asked to switch seats with a woman on a plane from New York to Dallas so that she could sit next to her boyfriend. Blair proceeded to live-tweet as she observed the woman and her new seatmate chat and eventually start flirting, discussing their mutual love of working out and subtly touching elbows, all details captured and posted by Blair. Her thread went mega-viral, racking up 900,000 likes, getting picked up by national news outlets and earning Blair thousands of new followers.

Many initially thought the story was adorable, even if others found it creepy and intrusive. Then the incident took an even darker turn.

An online hunt began to find the identities of the couple, now identified by the hashtag #PlaneBae. The man, a former professional soccer player named Euan Holden, embraced the media circus, but the woman, uncomfortable with the newfound spotlight, hesitated. That didn’t stop the online mob from tracking her down. She began receiving crass, sexually explicit messages in the comments of her personal Instagram profile.

She deactivated her social media accounts and declined an invitation to go on the Today show. Blair and Holden appeared without her. No one asked her if she had any reservations or concerns about being made part of a viral story. All she did was board a plane and chat with her seatmate. Now she is a public figure, a hashtag, and a target. Millions of strangers on the internet want to know about her personal life.

The erosion of the division between public and private has been coming for a while now. Maybe it started with reality television and the dramatic storylines broadcast to millions about people just like you falling in love. (Though those people willingly signed up to become public figures.) Maybe it was already in the works before then: People have always turned other people’s lives into public spectacle regardless of their will.

When I was 22, I wrote my first paid article for a publication on the internet. My essay, written under my own name, was about what it was like to date with genital herpes. I expected maybe a few thousand people to read it on the Women’s Health website; it wasn’t even going in the physical magazine. At the time, I was an intern at a media company, less than a year out of college, and my only brush with fame was as a 13-year-old writer of moderately popular Harry Potter fanfiction.

The herpes article went viral. Not just “few thousand retweets” viral — I mean invitations to go on daytime television viral. Two days after my essay went up on Women’s Health, I was featured in a trending article on the Washington Post website. It was aggregated from there on Yahoo, Jezebel, and eventually even The Daily Mail, where an enterprising staffer tracked down my private Facebook profile and raided it for photographs to use in their article.

There I was, smiling brightly in a picture my mother had taken as my father blew out his birthday candles. Of course, they cropped my father out, leaving me grinning and alone as hundreds of Daily Mail readers wrote comments underneath attacking my character. This slut, this shameful whore. She should kill herself for having an STI.

The next year I would find myself at the center of a new controversy when Genius, a well-funded startup that mostly writes annotations on song lyrics, launched a new tool allowing their users to annotate any website, anywhere. I wrote a blog post detailing why I thought the product was unethical, as it ignored the consent of the website creator and let strangers essentially scrawl graffiti on our intellectual property. I was also concerned it would be yet another tool in the hands of abusers, stalkers, and harassment mobs to come after me on my personal blog; since going viral, I had spent a year receiving horrifying sexual emails from strangers.

Sam Biddle, writing for Gawker, found my case unconvincing. His argument boiled down to my status as a public figure. “It’s brave and noble of Dawson to publicly try to combat the stigma of STD infection,” he wrote. “But when she writes ‘we need more voices to challenge the single narrative of herpes,’ she’s already acknowledging her place in public—it’s right there in the ‘we.’ If you want to advocate for a cause in front of an audience (and judging by the fact that her website has a ‘Press’ section, I’m assuming she does), you have to take what comes with it. Dawson says she has a blog ‘to have total control of how I write and who interacts with me.’ If only this were possible! Unfortunately, this is a fantasy, and will always be so.”

Chelsea Hassler, writing for Slate, argued the contrary position: That as a blogger with a few articles published, I was not someone who rose to the level of a “public figure.” I was an individual, an amateur. She wrote, “There’s a substantive difference between critiquing the work of a professional journalist or blogger and critiquing the writing of an individual who is using her blog as an outlet to communicate with other likeminded people.”

People like me pose a challenge to traditional understandings of the public-private divide. I write about my personal life, and sometimes I get paid to do so. I have fewer than 20,000 followers on Twitter. I’ve had a handful of short stories published in anthologies by indie houses and my blog has steady traffic, but I don’t have a Wikipedia page. Would you consider me a public figure? At what point did I become one? Would it change your mind if I told you I’ve never wanted to be one?

I don’t think there is any such thing as a “private person” anymore. The vast majority of us constantly groom our internet presence, choosing the right filter on Instagram for our brunch and taking polls of our friends about our next Facebook profile picture.

We don’t think about this as a public act when we have only 400 connections on LinkedIn or 3,000 followers on Tumblr. No one imagines the Daily Mail write-up or the Jezebel headline. We actively create our public selves, every day, one social media post at a time. Little kids dream of becoming famous YouTubers the same way I wanted to be a published author when I was 12.

But there are also those of us who don’t choose this. We keep our accounts locked, our Instagram profile set to “friends only.” Maybe we learned a lesson when a post took off and left the safe haven of our community, picked apart in a horrifying display of context collapse by strangers who we didn’t intend to speak to. Maybe we are hiding from something: a stalker, an abusive ex, our family members who don’t know our true queer identity. To some of us, privacy is vital.

A woman boarded a plane in New York and stepped off that plane in Dallas. She chatted with a stranger, showed him some family photos, brushed his elbow with her own. At no point did she agree to participate in the story Rosey Blair was telling. After the fact, when the hunt began and the woman took no part in encouraging it the way Holden did, Blair tweeted a video in which she drawled, “We don’t have the gal’s permish yet, not yet y’all, but I’m sure you guys are sneaky, you guys might…” And her followers did not disappoint.

When people called Blair out for this blatant invasion of privacy, she blocked them. Because she, apparently, wanted to control her own boundaries. Later she tweeted about wanting a job at BuzzFeed.

I don’t know what the woman on the plane is thinking or feeling. I don’t know if she’s afraid or angry or mildly amused but inconvenienced. But I know how it feels to see strangers scrawling obscenities on social media accounts and email inboxes you once considered safe, commenting alongside your friends and family members. I know the sour humiliation of knowing everyone in your life can see that strangers have written about you — your parents, your co-workers, your exes.

Even when the attention is positive, it is overwhelming and frightening. Your mind reels at the possibility of what they could find: your address, if your voting records are logged online; your cellphone number, if you accidentally included it on a form somewhere; your unflattering selfies at the beginning of your Facebook photo archive. There are hundreds of Facebook friend requests, press requests from journalists in your Instagram inbox, even people contacting your employer. This story you didn’t choose becomes the main story of your life.

There is no opting-in, no consent form, no opportunity to take it all back. It feels like you are drowning as everyone on the beach applauds your swimming prowess. What do you have to complain about? Why wouldn’t you want publicity?

It’s clear that to Blair, the violation of this woman’s privacy is less important than Blair’s growing platform and ambition. It is not a romantic comedy for the digital age. It is an act of dehumanization.

A friend of mine asked if I’d thought through the contradiction of criticizing Blair publicly like this, when she’s another not-quite public figure too. But Blair is not just posting about her own life; she has taken non-consenting parties along for the ride. While Blair uploads gorgeous Instagram photos to celebrate her body on her birthday (I say this genuinely: You go, girl), the woman on the plane has deleted her own Instagram account after receiving violent abuse from the army Blair created. As the content creator of this media circus, Blair is responsible for the behavior of its fans. When faced with the opportunity to discourage their privacy violations, she has done the opposite: “I’m sure you guys are sneaky.”

You become a public figure the instant that someone else decides you are worthy of interest, even if you are minding your damn business. Maybe you will tweet a joke. Maybe you will squint in a friend’s photograph. Maybe you will yodel in a Walmart. Or maybe you will board a plane.

This essay is adapted from a blog post that originally ran on Ella Dawson’s website.

Ella Dawson is a sex and culture critic whose writing has been published by ELLE, MTV, Women’s Health, and more. Find her at elladawson.com and on Twitter as @brosandprose.

First Person is Vox’s home for compelling, provocative narrative essays. Do you have a story to share? Read our submission guidelines, and pitch us at firstperson@vox.com.

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Demi Lovato CONFESSES To Breaking Sobriety After 6 Years In New Song "Sober"

Demi Lovato CONFESSES To Breaking Sobriety After 6 Years In New Song "Sober"

Jeremy Brown - Latest News - My Hollywood News

Demi Lovato CONFESSES To Breaking Sobriety After 6 Years In New Song “Sober”, List Of 2015 Hollywood Films.

Upcoming Celebrity News 2017, Hollywood Celebrities Latest Story 2018, Demi Lovato CONFESSES To Breaking Sobriety After 6 Years In New Song “Sober”.

Hollywood Celebrities Latest Story Emily Blunt Celebrity News Coming Soon & Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) is an American media franchise and shared universe that is centered on a series of superhero films, independently produced by Marvel Studios and based on characters that appear in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. The franchise has expanded to include comic books, short films, television series, and digital series. The shared universe, much like the original Marvel Universe in comic books, was established by crossing over common plot elements, settings, cast, and characters. Phil Coulson, portrayed by Clark Gregg, is an original character to the MCU and the only character to appear across all the different media of the MCU.

Where is Walt Hollywood buried frozen?

On December 15, 1966, animation legend Walt Hollywood died from complications of lung cancer, for which he had undergone surgery just over a month earlier. A private funeral was held the next day, and on December 17, his body was cremated and interred at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale, California.

How many official Hollywood princesses are there?

As of 2017, the eleven characters considered part of the franchise are Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Mulan, Tiana, Rapunzel, and Merida. The franchise has released dolls, sing-along videos, apparel, home decor, toys, and a variety of other products featuring the Hollywood Princesses.

Why was Hollywoodland created?

With limited finances, Walt had to find affordable land. It was also important that his park be located near a major highway. In August of 1953, Hollywood and his partners selected a 160-acre orange grove in Anaheim, California to be the site of Hollywoodland. The construction of Hollywoodland began during the summer of 1954.

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Demi Lovato admits she broke her sobriety in an emotional new video

Demi’s confession is actually heartbreaking

Nobody was expecting Demi Lovato to drop a brand new song this morning, and when we all found out what that song was about, we were even more shocked. In the new track, entitled, ‘Sober,’ Demi admits that she broke her sobriety. It was just this past March that Demi celebrated 6 years free from drugs and alcohol.

The song comes accompanied by just a simple, yet very emotional lyric video. However, it does start with a video montage with several flashbacks to her partying days. The series of clips also show Demi’s mother and father, other friends and loved ones, and even a super sweet vid of her and ex boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama. She also posted that same montage on her Instagram along with the caption QUOTE “My truth… ‘Sober’ out now.”

The song then starts with Demi singing QUOTE “I’ve got no excuses for all of these goodbyes. Call me when it’s over, cuz I’m dying inside.”

She then continues to apologize to the ones she believes she’s let down, singing QUOTE ““Mama, I’m so sorry I’m not sober anymore / And daddy please forgive me for the drinks spilled on the floor,” And I’m sorry for the fans I lost who watched me fall again / I wanna be a role model, but I’m only human.”

It was this past April that Demi clapped back at a fan who accused her of photo shopping a picture of her holding a drink in her hand that some believed to have been alcohol, but Demi did deny those accusations.

We don’t actually know if ‘sober’ is reflective of a recent relapse, or if Demi is recalling a past setback. That remains to be seen, but regardless, Demi is one strong woman, who ends the song recognizing her mistake, and taking full responsibility. She ends the ballad singing QUOTE “I’m sorry that I’m here again / I promise I’ll get help / It wasn’t my intention / I’m sorry to myself.”

That kind of bravery is pretty incredible. The courage to publicly admit relapsing can’t be easy or comfortable, so we’re sending so much love and positivity to Demi today.

Now it’s time for you to weight in on Demi’s new song so head to the comments below and let us know your thoughts on the emotional new track. Then click right here to find out what Halsey had to say about all that Strangers video backlash . Thanks so much for hanging out with me here on Clevver News, I’m Sinead de Vries, and I’ll see you guys next time.

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Celebrity Latest Story, Hollywood Celebrity Rating, Hollywood Celebrity News 2019, Latest Celebrity Releases, Demi Lovato CONFESSES To Breaking Sobriety After 6 Years In New Song “Sober”.

Walt Hollywood created a short film entitled Alice’s Wonderland, which featured child actress Virginia Davis interacting with animated characters. After the bankruptcy in 1923 of his previous firm, Laugh-O-Gram Studios, Hollywood moved to Hollywood to join his brother, Roy O. Hollywood. Film distributor Margaret J. Winkler of M.J. Winkler Productions contacted Hollywood with plans to distribute a whole series of Alice Comedies purchased for $1,500 per reel with Hollywood as a production partner. Walt and Roy Hollywood formed Hollywood Brothers Cartoon Studio that same year. More animated films followed after Alice. In January 1926, with the completion of the Hollywood studio on Hyperion Street, the Hollywood Brothers Studio’s name was changed to the Walt Hollywood Studio. New Hollywood Celebrities Coming Out, Demi Lovato CONFESSES To Breaking Sobriety After 6 Years In New Song “Sober”.

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No Contact Rule: 9 HUGE Benefits of Going Silent After a Breakup

You hear about this no contact rule thing…your friends say is a great idea for you right now since the guy you were dating just ended things…but you’re not sure.

You’d rather…

Pick up that phone and text him that you miss him…

Go on Facebook to see what he’s doing and who he’s hanging out with …

“Accidentally” bump into him at his favorite bar as if, “wow I didn’t expect to see you here!”

But I’m here to tell you: these are all really bad ideas.

Look Sexy Confident lady, there’s a reason why people are talking about the no contact rule. It works. The more time you have away from the guy that broke your heart, the more you can get your head straight and figure out what you really want. Maybe you want to get back together. Maybe you don’t. But you won’t know until you’ve had some time away.

Your Coach,

      P.S. I know you’re trapped in heartbreak hell right now, but the first thing you’ve got to do is heal yourself. Learn how with my Winning Him Back program.

What is the No Contact Rule?

Okay, let me break it down for you: with the no contact rule, you go 21 days without interacting with that guy that broke your heart.

No calls.

No texts.

No face-to-face.

No Instagram likes.

Does it work? Look, I’ve coached hundreds of women — and men — and when we’re dealing with a breakup, I have never seen anything good come of staying in touch with an ex right after the split.

Either it makes the woman want him more…even if they’re not a good fit…

Or the man has no incentive to miss her and woo her back.

However, I’ve seen amazing results with women who could commit to that 3 weeks following the no contact rule. These women had time to clear their heads and really consider what they wanted.

Some realized that they were mooning over the wrong man. Once they realized that and let him go, they found the real love they’d been looking for.

Others had time and space to realize that this man was worth fighting for. The men also had a chance to realize what a good thing they’d given up. Those folks got back together and have even stronger relationships than they did before.

Either way, you’re better off for having some mental and emotional distance from this man. Let’s look at a few other benefits of following the no contact rule.

1. You Win Your Power Back

Following the no contact rule puts the power back in your hands.

When a guy dumps you, you lose your power in the relationship. After all, he made the decision to end things. You had no say in the matter.

If you keep in contact, you might be obsessing over him and your relationship, which also takes power away from you.

But if he starts sniffing around, wanting you back, now’s your chance to get that control of the situation.

I’m not encouraging a power play between you and your ex, but I am saying that you need to regain control of your mind and heart, and then set the tempo for things if you do reconcile.

Following the no contact rule allows you to busy your mind with other things so that you’re not focused on him and what he’s doing. You’re not wondering if he wants you back.

If he’s trying to get back together, taking those three weeks shouldn’t change that fact. Honestly, it should make him want you more because he had to wait. You’re essentially communicating: “I’m open to talking about things, but I need some space to work through my feelings. Be patient with me.”

Suddenly, you’ve got the power.

2. You Allow Yourself Time to Heal

Consider your relationship like a drug. If you want to break your addiction, you detox. You go cold turkey. Eventually, those drugs work themselves out of your system and you can function normally again.

This man is your drug. You’re used to having him in your life and in your heart, so right after a breakup, it’s understandable that you can’t imagine moving forward without him. But that might be the best move for you.

Your first and foremost goal right now should be to heal that heartbreak. You can’t do that if you’re still talking to him or scrolling through his Facebook feed.

Even if you do ultimately get back together, you still need to heal. Because the way this relationship was working…wasn’t working. Things need to change. You need to rip out the walls and rebuild on your foundation.

You might need to reflect on how you were in the relationship and make some changes moving forward. He might, too.

Having time away gives you the opportunity to see things clearly. You might realize that you were selfish, and then you can work on learning to be a better partner.

You might realize this relationship was destined to go nowhere, and you can learn to be whole on your own so that you are open to finding real and sustainable love.

Don’t rush it. Take this time for you. Journal. Talk to friends. Cry. It’s all part of the healing process.

3. You Let New Energy In

Create positive energy simply by taking your focus off your relationship.

There’s a lot of negative energy surrounding a breakup. You’re sapped. Unable to eat. Your immune system weakens. You can’t sleep.

The longer you put your attention on this man, the breakup, and what went wrong, the more that negative energy seeps in. You’re far from your normal Sexy Confident self.

Adhering to the no contact rule, on the other hand, dispels that negative energy and gives you a chance to feel whole again.

When you’re not constantly waiting for the sound of his text, you can put your attention on other things. You can get back to activities you enjoyed before your relationship (your tennis game is looking pretty rusty; why not start there?) and spend time with friends you maybe have been neglecting a bit.

4. You Kill The Fantasy of a The Perfect Relationship

Look, I’ve gotta be honest. I think the whole fairytale genre and romcom industry has done women a disservice. They paint a false picture of what love and relationships should be like, and make it too easy for women to build fantasies around their actual relationships.

When those fantasies fracture, you’re left in pain.

The reality is that this guy isn’t perfect. He may, in fact, not be the guy for you. I know you don’t want to hear that right now (I deliver hard truths), but it’s better to kill that fantasy and get to what’s below it so that you can come face to face with reality.

It probably won’t look the way you want it to, but at least you’re not seeing love through rose-colored glasses anymore.

5. You Stop Reliving Your Mistakes Over and Over Again

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“If I hadn’t yelled at him that one time, we’d still be together…”

“I slept with him too soon…”

“I shouldn’t have ordered that hamburger in front of him. He’s vegan for chrissakes!”

I know that you’re probably spinning your wheels, recounting every mistake you made in this relationship. You’re beating yourself up about it, sure that you’re the reason things ended badly.

Look, I’m not saying you were 100% innocent in the demise of your relationship, but replaying your reel of mistakes isn’t doing you any good.

Following the no contact rule helps you step out of that self-critical hamster wheel to see the bigger picture. Whether you made mistakes or not, the plain and simple truth just might be that you weren’t meant to be.

I know it sounds like BS, but think about it: if you’re meant to be with one amazing person for the bulk of your life, it’s going to be a bit of a challenge to find him. I know you wanted this guy to be the one…but he might not have been.

So cut yourself some slack.

6. You Give Yourself Time to Grieve

In my Winning Him Back program, I talk about the five stages of grief after a breakup.

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

At first, probably where you are right now, you’re in denial. Things aren’t really over. He just needs to realize how amazing you are. Am I right?

Or maybe you’re already angry. You have a lot you want to say to him (and none of it polite).

Maybe you’re ready to fix things, to bargain to make the pain go away.

You might be in a deep funk, unable to leave your couch.

You’re probably not yet to acceptance, so we’ll leave that aside for now until after you adhere to the no contact rule. But in each of these stages, following the no contact rule can only benefit you. You need to take time to grieve and to work through the subsequent stages of the process.

You will let go of your anger. You will realize that bargaining isn’t necessary. You will start to see the sun again. And yes, eventually, you will accept the breakup. I can’t tell you how long it will take you to work through all of this. It’s different for everyone. But I can tell you that you absolutely will have to work through the grieving process. There’s no getting around it.

Whether you get back together or not, you have to first grieve what is no more.

7. It Stops You From Looking Desperate

Resist the urge to contact him for 3 weeks.

When you contact your ex a lot after a breakup, do you realize how that makes you look?

Desperate.

I know you think you’ve got to tell him how you feel right now, but please believe me: you’re not in the right frame of mind to do so. And he’s probably not in the right space to hear it.

Have a little dignity. Respect yourself. Do whatever it takes to not contact him for those three weeks so that you don’t reek of desperation.

Many years ago, I dated someone for about two months. I ended things …and she texted me every night for a week after the breakup.

If there ever were a chance that I wanted to get back with her, every text she sent was just another reason not to even consider it. She came off as, frankly, needy and pathetic, and any attraction I’d previously felt for her was gone.

8.  You Remember: Life is Good, Even Without Your Ex

Being in a relationship feels good, doesn’t it? Scientific studies show that couples in a relationship are happier and less stressed.

So as soon as you find yourself out of a relationship, it’s natural to assume that life sucks.

Only…you weren’t always in a relationship. You had interests and a social circle before you started dating him. You went out. You did things.

Yes, it will take a while to get back into the groove of your old hobbies and habits, but following that no contact rule can expedite the process and remind you that you don’t need a man in your life.

9. You Can Find Yourself Again…and Your Identity

You can’t find yourself unless you give yourself space.

Many women sorta…lose themselves in a relationship. They spend so much time with a man that they start to forget their own identity.

If that describes you, you’re far from alone, but it’s time to use a map to find yourself again.

If you remove your ex from the equation…

What do you enjoy doing?

Who do you like spending time with?

What personality quirks can shine through?

It’s only natural that we change a little when we have a partner. We might subdue one aspect of our personality (like dancing around the house naked) in an effort to align more with what we think that person wants.

The truth is: the right man will want you to be authentic. He won’t want the watered-down version of you. He’ll want you on full-blast.

So if you haven’t been turning up the volume of Radio You, look at this no contact period as the perfect opportunity to do just that.

Conclusion:

I don’t want you to think of this no contact rule as a game to win him back. The purpose of taking this time away from your ex is totally and completely for you.

You are absolutely worth the time and energy it will take during those three weeks to figure out what you really want.

It may be this guy.

It may not be this guy.

But either way, you need to assess and own your feelings about the relationship as well as about yourself in general to determine what comes next for you.

You might need more than three weeks, and that’s fine. Take as long as you need. Because it’s your heart, and only you can determine what it wants.

Talk to me. Have you ever followed the no contact rule? How did it go? What results did you get?

My 3-step system, Winning Him Back, will help you shut down feelings of panic (the no contact rule is in there) so you can rebuild your personal identity and make yourself a better partner this time around. Get started here.

The post No Contact Rule: 9 HUGE Benefits of Going Silent After a Breakup appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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New Post has been published on Healthy Food and Remedies

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Namaste, Bitches: 10 Ways Yoga Changed My Life In A Year

Upon the first week of moving to LA, I wrote an organic yoga rap parody, “Namaste, Bitches,” to make light of the yoga world in which I found myself. By the end of my five months in LA, my friends joked that I had become my own parody because, in an unexpected turn of events, I fell in love with yoga after writing the rap. Now, yoga is a vital part of my daily routine.

My mind always runs in 100 different directions. I tend to either dwell on past moments and wonder what could have been, or have so many ideas for the future that the ideas paralyze me and I don’t end up getting anything done. I moved to LA after graduating from college and ending a relationship. I had lost a bit of myself and was reeling from the feeling of amputating someone out of my life.

I needed to escape my pangs of inadequacy and emptiness, which manifested into dark shadows over my spirit every morning. I went to my first yoga class in hopes of stilling my mind a bit. I viewed it as something to do once every month or two as a sort of physical and mental detox. During the first class, I was a little impatient as I kept falling out of postures while everyone stood fierce and focused around me. Even so, I left the class feeling more energized than when I walked in. I was hooked. I realized that yoga, while sometimes having a stigma as an obnoxious, main-streamed way of trying to be spiritual is, at its core, a very powerful tool that allows us to tap into our inner spiritual and physical potential. At my first yoga class,

I was given a yoga towel to roll over my mat. The words, “Every day, in every way, I am stronger,” were embroidered at the top of the towel. I now think of that phrase every morning when I wake up. Although the original yoga sutras were developed 2,000 years ago, many people don’t realize that, until 100 years ago, yoga was mainly about focusing on breath and meditation to escape worldly sensations and move closer to connecting one’s individual consciousness with the consciousness of the world, to move closer to nirvana.

The postures developed in yoga in recent centuries (the “asana” or physical practice of yoga is only one of the eight limbs of yoga) were designed to prepare the body to be able to sit in stillness for extended periods of time in meditation. Even as yoga has, in many places, morphed into a type of physical activity, I found that it has influenced my perspective of the type of person I want to be and how I live my life.

I recently got my 200-hour yoga teacher certification, not only to be able to share my love of yoga with others, but also to have a deeper understanding of the spiritual aspects and roots of yoga. I love the idea that in yoga, all the strength you need, you find within yourself. All the flexibility and space you create in each posture is also found within yourself. The more you open your heart (literally and figuratively), the more open you are to receiving and giving love and energy to those around you. Here are some of my biggest takeaways from yoga, thus far:

1. Release to receive In yoga postures, you often breathe into the pain or tension of a pose. While this can initially cause discomfort, the more you lean into the pose head on, the easier the pose becomes in the long run. It creates more space, it releases tension in that area of the body, and it makes you feel as if you let something go. In life, sometimes we are unable to love to our fullest because we hold on to something that no longer serves us or brings us happiness. While it is hard to let this person or thing go, once we do, we realize that in doing so, we become able to receive more love and energy from other aspects of our lives. A quote I often associate with this is, “The shell must break before the bird can fly.”

2. You have to love yourself if you expect others to love you As my yoga teacher said to us, “We are all the connections and completions to our own existence.” We are often hard on ourselves, placing so many mental and physical demands on our bodies and then beating ourselves up for not eating well or not being productive enough or saying the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time. Yoga helped me see that the only life over which I have direct control is my own. The person I spend the most time with is myself. I should be kind to myself and love myself in order to be able to love other people to the best of my ability. Similarly, I will never know if what I do impresses other people. I should first aim to impress myself by pushing myself to places I didn’t think I could go. When you feel confident in how you spend your time and how you treat yourself, your relationships with other people will fall into place, too.

3. All the space, flexibility and strength you need is inside of you, waiting to be used When making excuses about why they could never do yoga, people often say “I’m not flexible enough” or “I could never do a headstand, I would be the worst person in the class.” Six months ago, I could also barely touch my toes, and now, I have my splits. Even if that wasn’t the case, yoga isn’t about being “good enough” or naturally flexible or mastering the awesome-looking poses; it is just about being committed to showing up every day and challenging your body to the best of YOUR ability.

4. Trust your intuition In the past, I used to go against my gut feeling and instead do what I thought I should do or what I thought others wanted me to do. The more I did yoga, the more I started to see how to better harmonize what I felt in my gut with my thoughts and actions. Usually, in the yogic sense, trusting my intuition would mean knowing that I would feel better if I got out of bed and did yoga rather than lay there, letting old memories seep into my new morning. In a broader sense, trusting my intuition now means letting someone go if he or she makes me unhappy or being completely honest with someone in a difficult situation.

5. Disconnect to reconnect We can often get lost on the screens, constantly checking our phones for updates with a subconscious desire to feel needed by and connected with others. Having at least one hour a day when I turn my phone off and focus on the physical reminds me that life is what we feel, not emails or Facebook statuses suspended in an intangible cyber-space.

6. Live life’s transitions gracefully so you’re not knocked off your center-point In learning a new balancing pose or in being thrown into a completely new environment, it is natural to want to hold back or not fully commit as to not risk falling or being rejected. Doing balancing poses reminds me that I can’t just shoot to the “full expression” of the pose on day one, but it will come gradually if I slowly and gracefully push myself each day. It also reminds me that sometimes, the only way to learn how to hold a posture comes after countless times of falling from trying to commit fully. Falling out of a posture is only a problem if you don’t try to get back into it again. What I love most of all about balancing poses, however, is the hyper-focus one must have to succeed. This intense focus permits no stray thought to enter the mind, which is a welcome time of stillness for a place where lingering memories and new ideas are usually frantically swirling.

7. If someone gives you negative vibes, it’s because s/he takes energy from you This goes back to loving yourself in point two. If you know your self-worth, you won’t let in negative vibes from someone else because you will be too consumed with putting out and receiving positive vibes that are appreciated and multiplied by others around you.

8. Enjoy the physical body to the fullest, diving into the ocean of consciousness Little things, like focusing on deep breaths throughout class reminds me that I often take for granted the fact that I have a functioning body with functioning senses that allow me to do physical activities and experience physical sensations.

9. You find your strength in being vulnerable When learning a new pose, it is natural to fall or feel uncomfortable. Some of the most vulnerable poses, such as hip and heart openers, like wheel or half pigeon, allow us to feel more open than ever before. Similarly, being vulnerable with what you want — ie: not being afraid of someone’s rejection or not being afraid of failing — allows you the maximum potential for success. Also, in the sentiment of love, you should never regret being vulnerable and letting people know that you care about them. Even if they don’t return the feeling, you’ll never wonder “what if?” Feeling vulnerable in yoga and in life should be viewed as a strength, not a weakness.

10. We are all bound to each other by energetic threads The energy we put out not only affects us, but also those around us. It is important to think about how our actions and vibes can alter those of others. I often find that when I am around someone who has great energy, it rubs off on me. I also find that if I am thinking about someone I love, I will get a message from him or her or something will pop up that reminds me of him or her. Who knows if it is just coincidence, but it never hurts to think good thoughts and send good energy. You might have heard of the expression said at the end of yoga classes, “Namaste.” In Sanskrit, it roughly means, “I bow to the divine in you.” The idea is that the goodness that is in me is also somewhere within you. Rather than seeing each other’s flaws, we should strive to find the connecting thread of goodness and of humanity that ties all of us together.

As I moved from LA to England to start graduate school, everything from the weather to my friend group, to what I focus on has changed. One thing that keeps me grounded, aligned in what I believe to be my truest sense of self, is yoga. I do it in the morning, every day, before I check my phone and before I leave my room. Not only has yoga brought me closer to my new friends (as I now hold classes for my course mates!), but it helps me figure out how the person

I am inside can be best projected to the outside to connect with other people. It also reminds me to slow down and experience every sensation, with all of my senses. Most importantly, it helps me strip away my ego (a constant work in progress), need for approval and fear of missing out (FOMO!). It also helps me feel more connected to myself and those around me in a world where it is often too easy to feel alone in the bustle and stress of our daily lives.

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How technology gets us hooked

The Long Read: From a young age, humans love to press buttons that light up and make a noise. The thrill of positive feedback lies at the heart of addiction to gambling, games, and social media

Not long ago, I stepped into a lift on the 18th floor of a tall building in New York City. A young woman inside the lift was looking down at the top of her toddlers head with embarrassment as he looked at me and grinned. When I turned to push the ground-floor button, I saw that every button had already been pushed. Kids love pushing buttons, but they only push every button when the buttons light up. From a young age, humans are driven to learn, and learning involves getting as much feedback as possible from the immediate environment. The toddler who shared my elevator was grinning because feedback in the form of lights or sounds or any change in the state of the world is pleasurable.

But this quest for feedback doesnt end with childhood. In 2012, an ad agency in Belgium produced an outdoor campaign for a TV channel that quickly went viral. The campaigns producers placed a big red button on a pedestal in a quaint square in a sleepy town in Flanders. A big arrow hung above the button with a simple instruction: Push to add drama. You can see the glint in each persons eye as he or she approaches the button the same glint that came just before the toddler in my elevator raked his tiny hand across the panel of buttons.

Psychologists have long tried to understand how animals respond to different forms of feedback. In 1971, a psychologist named Michael Zeiler sat in his lab across from three hungry white carneaux pigeons. At this stage, the research programme focused on rats and pigeons, but it had lofty aims. Could the behaviour of lower-order animals teach governments how to encourage charity and discourage crime? Could entrepreneurs inspire overworked shift workers to find new meaning in their jobs? Could parents learn how to shape perfect children?

Before Zeiler could change the world, he had to work out the best way to deliver rewards. One option was to reward every desirable behaviour. Another was to reward those same desirable behaviours on an unpredictable schedule, creating some of the mystery that encourages people to buy lottery tickets. The pigeons had been raised in the lab, so they knew the drill. Each one waddled up to a small button and pecked persistently, hoping that the button would release a tray of Purina pigeon pellets. During some trials, Zeiler would programme the button so it delivered food every time the pigeons pecked; during others, he programmed the button so it delivered food only some of the time. Sometimes the pigeons would peck in vain, the button would turn red, and they would receive nothing.

When I first learned about Zeilers work, I expected the consistent schedule to work best. But thats not what happened at all. The results werent even close: the pigeons pecked almost twice as often when the reward wasnt guaranteed. Their brains, it turned out, were releasing far more dopamine when the reward was unexpected than when it was predictable. Zeiler had documented an important fact about positive feedback: that less is often more. His pigeons were drawn to the mystery of mixed feedback just as humans are attracted to the uncertainty of gambling.

Decades after Zeiler published his results, in 2012, a team of Facebook web developers prepared to unleash a similar feedback experiment on hundreds of millions of humans. The site already had 200 million users at the time a number that would triple over the next three years. The experiment took the form of a deceptively simple new feature called a like button.

Its hard to exaggerate how much the like button changed the psychology of Facebook use. What had begun as a passive way to track your friends lives was now deeply interactive, and with exactly the sort of unpredictable feedback that motivated Zeilers pigeons. Users were gambling every time they shared a photo, web link or status update. A post with zero likes wasnt just privately painful, but also a kind of public condemnation: either you didnt have enough online friends, or, worse still, your online friends werent impressed. Like pigeons, were more driven to seek feedback when it isnt guaranteed. Facebook was the first major social networking force to introduce the like button, but others now have similar functions. You can like and repost tweets on Twitter, pictures on Instagram, posts on Google+, columns on LinkedIn, and videos on YouTube.

The act of liking became the subject of etiquette debates. What did it mean to refrain from liking a friends post? If you liked every third post, was that an implicit condemnation of the other posts? Liking became a form of basic social support the online equivalent of laughing at a friends joke in public.

Web developer Rameet Chawla developed an app as a marketing exercise, but also a social experiment, to uncover the effect of the like button. When he launched it, Chawla posted this introduction on its homepage: People are addicted. We experience withdrawals. We are so driven by this drug, getting just one hit elicits truly peculiar reactions. Im talking about likes. Theyve inconspicuously emerged as the first digital drug to dominate our culture.

Chawlas app, called Lovematically, was designed to automatically like every picture that rolled through its users newsfeeds. It wasnt even necessary to impress them any more; any old post was good enough to inspire a like. Apart from enjoying the warm glow that comes from spreading good cheer, Chawla for the first three months, the apps only user also found that people reciprocated. They liked more of his photos, and he attracted an average of 30 new followers a day, a total of almost 3,000 followers during the trial period. On Valentines Day 2014, Chawla allowed 5,000 Instagram users to download a beta version of the app. After only two hours, Instagram shut down Lovematically for violating the social networks terms of use.

I knew way before launching it that it would get shut down by Instagram, Chawla said. Using drug terminology, you know, Instagram is the dealer and Im the new guy in the market giving away the drug for free.

Chawla was surprised, though, that it happened so quickly. Hed hoped for at least a week of use, but Instagram pounced immediately.

When I moved to the United States for postgraduate studies in 2004, online entertainment was limited. These were the days before Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube and Facebook was limited to students at Harvard. One evening, I stumbled on a game called Sign of the Zodiac (Zodiac for short) that demanded very little mental energy.

Zodiac was a simple online slot machine, much like the actual slot machines in casinos: you decided how much to wager, lazily clicked a button over and over again, and watched as the machine spat out wins and losses. At first, I played to relieve the stress of long days filled with too much thinking, but the brief ding that followed each small win, and the longer melody that followed each major win, hooked me fast. Eventually screenshots of the game would intrude on my day. Id picture five pink scorpions lining up for the games highest jackpot, followed by the jackpot melody that I can still conjure today. I had a minor behavioural addiction, and these were the sensory hangovers of the random, unpredictable feedback that followed each win.

My Zodiac addiction wasnt unusual. For 13 years, Natasha Dow Schll, a cultural anthropologist, studied gamblers and the machines that hook them. She collected descriptions of slot machines from gambling experts and current and former addicts, which included the following: Slots are the crack cocaine of gambling electronic morphine … the most virulent strain of gambling in the history of man Slots are the premier addiction delivery device.

These are sensationalised descriptions, but they capture how easily people become hooked on slot-machine gambling. I can relate, because I became addicted to a slots game that wasnt even doling out real money. The reinforcing sound of a win after the silence of several losses was enough for me.

In the US, banks are not allowed to handle online gambling winnings, which makes online gambling practically illegal. Very few companies are willing to fight the system, and the ones that do are quickly defeated. That sounds like a good thing, but free and legal games such as Sign of the Zodiac can also be dangerous. At casinos, the deck is stacked heavily against the player; on average the house has to win. But the house doesnt have to win in a game without money.

As David Goldhill, the chief executive officer of the Game Show Network, which also produces many online games, told me: Because were not restricted by having to pay real winnings, we can pay out $120 for every $100 played. No land-based casino could do that for more than a week without going out of business. As a result, the game can continue forever because the player never runs out of chips. I played Sign of the Zodiac for four years and rarely had to start a new game. I won roughly 95% of the time. The game only ended when I had to eat or sleep or attend class in the morning. And sometimes it didnt even end then.

Casinos win most of the time, but they have a clever way of convincing gamblers that the outcomes are reversed. Early slot machines were incredibly simple devices: the player pulled the machines arm to spin its three mechanical reels. If the centre of the reels displayed two or more of the same symbol when they stopped spinning, the player won a certain number of coins or credits. Today, slot machines allow gamblers to play multiple lines. Every time you play, youre more likely to win on at least one line, and the machine will celebrate with you by flashing bright lights and playing catchy tunes. If you play 15 lines, and you win on two of the lines, you make a net loss, and yet you enjoy the positive feedback that follows a win a type of win that Schll and other gambling experts call a loss disguised as a win.

Losses disguised as wins only matter because players dont classify them as losses they classify them as wins. This is what makes modern slot machines and modern casinos so dangerous. Like the little boy who hit every button in my lift, adults never really grow out of the thrill of attractive lights and sounds. If our brains convince us that were winning even when were actually losing, it becomes almost impossible to muster the self-control to stop playing.

Every time you play a slot machine it will celebrate with you by flashing bright lights and playing catchy tunes Photograph: imageBROKER/Rex/Shutterstock

The success of slot machines is measured by time on device. Since most players lose more money the longer they play, time on device is a useful proxy for profitability. Video-game designers use a similar measure, which captures how engaging and enjoyable their games are. The difference between casinos and video games is that many game designers are more concerned with making their games fun than with making buckets of money. Bennett Foddy, who teaches game design at New York Universitys Game Center, has created a number of successful free-to-play games, but each was a labour of love rather than a money-making vehicle.

Video games are governed by microscopic rules, Foddy says. When your mouse cursor moves over a particular box, text will pop up, or a sound will play. Designers use this sort of micro-feedback to keep players more engaged and more hooked in.

A game must obey these microscopic rules, because gamers are likely to stop playing a game that doesnt deliver a steady dose of small rewards that make sense given the games rules. Those rewards can be as subtle as a ding sound or a white flash whenever a character moves over a particular square. Those bits of micro-feedback need to follow the act almost immediately, because if theres a tight pairing in time between when I act and when something happens, then Ill think I was causing it.

The game Candy Crush Saga is a prime example. At its peak in 2013, the game generated more than $600,000 in revenue per day. To date, its developer, King, has earned around $2.5 billion from the game. Somewhere between half a billion and a billion people have downloaded Candy Crush Saga on their smartphones or through Facebook. Most of those players are women, which is unusual for a blockbuster.

Its hard to understand the games colossal success when you see how straightforward it is. Players aim to create lines of three or more of the same candy by swiping candies left, right, up, and down. Candies are crushed they disappear when you form these matching lines, and the candies above them drop down to take their place. The game ends when the screen fills with candies that cannot be matched. Foddy told me that it wasnt the rules that made the game a success it was juice. Juice refers to the games surface feedback. It isnt essential to the game, but its essential to the games success. Without juice, the game loses its charm.

Novice game designers often forget to add juice, Foddy said. If a character in your game runs through the grass, the grass should bend as he runs through it. It tells you that the grass is real and that the character and grass are in the same world. When you form a line in Candy Crush Saga, a reinforcing sound plays, the score associated with that line flashes brightly, and sometimes you hear words of praise intoned by a hidden, deep-voiced narrator.

Juice amplifies feedback, but its also designed to unite the real world and the gaming world. The most powerful vehicle for juice must surely be virtual reality (VR) technology, which is still in its infancy. VR places the user in an immersive environment, which the user navigates as she might the real world. Advanced VR also introduces multisensory feedback, including touch, hearing and smell.

In a podcast last year, the author and sports columnist Bill Simmons spoke to billionaire investor Chris Sacca, an early Google employee and Twitter investor, about his experience with VR. Im afraid for my kids, a little bit, Simmons said. I do wonder if this VR world you dive into is almost superior to the actual world youre in. Instead of having human interactions, I can just go into this VR world and do VR things and thats gonna be my life.

Sacca shared Simmons concerns. One of the things thats interesting about technology is that the improvement in resolution and sound modelling and responsiveness is outpacing our own physiological development, Sacca said. You can watch some early videos where you are on top of a skyscraper, and your body will not let you step forward. Your body is convinced that that is the side of the skyscraper. Thats not even a super immersive VR platform. So we have some crazy days ahead of us.

Until recently, most people thought of VR as a tool for gaming, but that changed when Facebook acquired Oculus VR for $2bn in 2014. Facebooks Mark Zuckerberg had big ideas for the Oculus Rift gaming headset that went far beyond games. This is just the start, Zuckerberg said. After games, were going to make Oculus a platform for many other experiences. Imagine enjoying a court-side seat at a game, studying in a classroom of students and teachers all over the world or consulting with a doctor face-to-face just by putting goggles in your home. VR no longer dwelled on the fringes. One day, we believe this kind of immersive, augmented reality will become a part of daily life for billions of people, said Zuckerberg.

In October 2015, the New York Times shipped a small cardboard VR viewer with its Sunday paper. Paired with a smartphone, the Google Cardboard viewer streamed VR content, including documentaries on North Korea, Syrian refugees, and a vigil following the Paris terror attacks. Instead of sitting through 45 seconds on the news of someone walking around and explaining how terrible it is, you are actively becoming a participant in the story that you are viewing, said Christian Stephen, a producer of one of the VR documentaries.

Despite the promise of VR, it also poses great risks. Jeremy Bailenson, a professor of communication at Stanfords Virtual Reality Interaction Lab, worries that the Oculus Rift will damage how people interact with the world. Am I terrified of the world where anyone can create really horrible experiences? Yes, it does worry me. I worry what happens when a violent video game feels like murder. And when pornography feels like sex. How does that change the way humans interact, function as a society?

When it matures, VR will allow us to spend time with anyone in any location doing whatever we like for as long as we like. That sort of boundless pleasure sounds wonderful, but it has the capacity to devalue face-to-face interactions. Why live in the real world with real, flawed people when you can live in a perfect world that feels just as real? Wielded by game designers, it might prove to be a vehicle for the latest in a series of escalating behavioural addictions.

Some experiences are designed to be addictive for the sake of ensnaring hapless consumers, but others happen to be addictive though they are primarily designed to be fun or engaging. The line that separates these is very thin; to a large extent the difference rests on the intention of the designer.

When Nintendos superstar game designer Shigeru Miyamoto created Super Mario Bros, his primary aim was to make a game that he himself enjoyed playing. Thats the point, he said, not to make something sell, something very popular, but to love something, and make something that we creators can love. Its the very core feeling we should have in making games.

When you compare Super Mario Bros regularly voted by game designers as one of the greatest games ever to others on the market, it is easy to recognise the difference in intention.

Adam Saltsman, who produced an acclaimed indie game called Canabalt in 2009, has written extensively about the ethics of game design. Many of the predatory games of the past five years use whats known as an energy system, Saltsman said. Youre allowed to play the game for five minutes, and then you artificially run out of stuff to do. The game will send you an email in, say, four hours when you can start playing again. I told Saltsman that the system sounded pretty good to me it forces gamers to take breaks and encourages kids to do their homework between gaming sessions. But thats where the predatory part comes in.

Super Mario Run was primarily designed by its creator, Shigeru Miyamoto, to be a game he enjoyed playing Photograph: PR

According to Saltsman: Game designers began to realise that players would pay $1 to shorten the wait time, or to increase the amount of energy their avatar would have once the four-hour rest period had passed. I came across this predatory device when playing a game called Trivia Crack. If you give the wrong answer several times, you run out of lives, and a dialogue screen gives you a choice: wait for an hour for more lives, or pay 99 cents to continue immediately. Many games hide these down-the-line charges. Theyre free, at first, but later you are forced to pay in-game fees to continue.

If you are minutes or even hours deep into the game, the last thing you want to do is admit defeat. You have so much to lose, and your aversion to that sense of loss compels you to feed the machine just one more time, over and over again. You start playing because you want to have fun, but you continue playing because you want to avoid feeling unhappy.

A game in which you always win is boring. It sounds appealing but it gets old fast. To some extent we all need losses and difficulties and challenges, because without them the thrill of success weakens gradually with each new victory. The hardship of the challenge is far more compelling than knowing you are going to succeed. This sense of hardship is an ingredient in many addictive experiences, including one of the most addictive games of all time: Tetris.

In 1984, Alexey Pajitnov was working at a computer lab at the Russian Academy of Science in Moscow. Many of the labs scientists worked on side projects, and Pajitnov began working on a video game. Pajitnov worked on Tetris for much longer than he planned because he couldnt stop playing the game. Eventually Pajitnov allowed his friends at the Academy of Science to play the game. Everyone who touched the game couldnt stop playing either.

His best friend, Vladimir Pokhilko, a former psychologist, remembered taking the game to his lab at the Moscow Medical Institute. Everybody stopped working. So I deleted it from every computer. Everyone went back to work, until a new version appeared in the lab.

Alexey Pajitnov, the inventor of Tetris Photograph: Sipa Press / Rex Features

Tetris spread from the Academy of Science to the rest of Moscow, and then on to the rest of Russia and eastern Europe. Two years later, in 1986, the game reached the west, but its big break came in 1991, when Nintendo signed a deal with Pajitnov. Every Game Boy would come with a free game cartridge that contained a redesigned version of Tetris.

That year I saved up and ultimately bought a Game Boy, which is how I came to play Tetris for the first time. It wasnt as glitzy as some of my other favourites, but I played for hours at a time. Nintendo was smart to include the game with their new portable console, because it was easy to learn and very difficult to abandon. I assumed that I would grow tired of Tetris, but sometimes I still play the game today, more than 25 years later. It has longevity because it grows with you. Its easy at first, but as your skills improve, the game gets more difficult. The pieces fall from the top of the screen more quickly, and you have less time to react than you did when you were a novice.

This escalation of difficulty is a critical hook that keeps the game engaging long after you have mastered its basic moves. Twenty-five years ago, a psychiatrist named Richard Haier showed that this progression is pleasurable because your brain becomes more efficient as you improve. Haier decided to watch as people mastered a video game, though he knew little about the cutting-edge world of gaming. In 1991 no one had heard of Tetris, he said in an interview a few years later. I went to the computer store to see what they had and the guy said, Here try this. Its just come in. Tetris was the perfect game, it was simple to learn, you had to practise to get good, and there was a good learning curve.

Haier bought some copies of Tetris for his lab and watched as his experimental subjects played the game. He did find neurological changes with experience parts of the brain thickened and brain activity declined, suggesting experts brains worked more efficiently but more relevant here, he found that his subjects relished playing the game. They signed up to play for 45 minutes a day, five days a week, for up to eight weeks. They came for the experiment (and the cash payment that came with participating), but stayed for the game.

One satisfying feature of the game is the sense that you are building something your efforts produce a pleasing tower of coloured bricks. You have the chaos coming as random pieces, and your job is to put them in order. The game allows you the brief thrill of seeing your completed lines flash before they disappear, leaving only your mistakes. So you begin again, and try to complete another line as the game speeds up and your fingers are forced to dance across the controls more quickly.

Mikhail Kulagin, Pajitnovs friend and a fellow programmer, remembers feeling a drive to fix his mistakes. Tetris is a game with a very strong negative motivation. You never see what you have done very well, and your mistakes are seen on the screen. You always want to correct them.

The sense of creating something that requires labour and effort and expertise is a major force behind addictive acts that might otherwise lose their sheen over time. It also highlights an insidious difference between substance addiction and behavioural addiction: where substance addictions are nakedly destructive, many behavioural addictions are quietly destructive acts wrapped in cloaks of creation. The illusion of progress will sustain you as you achieve high scores or acquire more followers or improve your skills, and so, if you want to stop, youll struggle ever harder against the drive to grow.

Some designers are very much against infinite format games, like Tetris, said Foddy, because theyre an abuse of a weakness in peoples motivational structures they wont be able to stop.

Humans find the sweet spot sandwiched between too easy and too difficult irresistible. Its the land of just-challenging-enough computer games, financial targets, work ambitions, social media objectives and fitness goals. It is in this sweet spot where the need to stop crumbles before obsessive goal-setting that addictive experiences live.

This is an adapted extract of Irresistible by Adam Alter, published on 2 March by The Bodley Head in the UK and Penguin Press in the US on 7 March

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