#did it have a different connotation when these names were thought up or was some old guy just drunk off his ass and thought it was funny?

[fruitymocha]

So there’s a variety of watermelon called “sugar baby”

There’s also a variety of pea called “sugar daddy”

I don’t know what to do with this information.

[moralesluvr]

IDFC | BILLIE EILISH.

୧ ‧₊˚ your best friend comes home drunk again, and you realize that hiding your love for her is dawning on you more than you thought. | part two

pairings & aus. billie eilish x fem!reader warnings. angst & nothing but it | unrequited love | no happy ending (but do tell if you want a part two...) author's note. hello second upload of the day!! (this is so unlike me) but i had this revolutionary idea while listening to idfc by blackbear...so here's this very angsty fic lmao! enjoy! word count. 2.7k

falling in love with your best friend has got to take the cake for the ‘dumbest shit i’ve ever put myself through’ award, you think.

you didn’t mean for it to happen— of course not, and it all happened so quickly that you didn’t realize how deep you were in it until months later.

you and billie had became friends in an odd way, you knew someone who knew claudia and of course, billie did too— so the both of you mingled at her birthday party a couple years back, when the both of you were just shy of eighteen.

nobody could seperate the two of you if they tried, and that trait carried on with you and billie until you stepped into adulthood. moving in together seemed like such a good idea in the past— you two were tight, and billie wanted to live separately from her family now— it should’ve been so easy, right?

well no, of course not.

before meeting billie, you assumed that you were straight. but as teenagers, that when lines start to get blurred and things start to mess with your head, and you would sometimes catch yourself staring at her for a little too long, or your heart twisting whenever she texted you.

it killed you to fall in love with billie. it was painful and long, and with every day that passed— she only made it worse.

because she was billie eilish, she would unintentionally flirt with you, but that’s because she did it with everyone, of course she wasn’t going to treat you any differently. she always called you nicknames like ‘baby’ and ‘mama’, which wouldn’t have bothered you that bad if you understood the friendly connotations behind it. but you wanted her to be yours so damn badly, and every time she called you anything but your name, it made your skin fiery to the touch.

but the worst of the worst, god— the thing that’ll haunt you forever, was when she had kissed you in your shared apartment after your 20th birthday. compared to her at the time, you were much more innocent, and hadn’t hardly kissed anyone in your entire life. and with your own speculation that you may not be strictly into men, you had drunkenly asked her to take your ‘girl kiss virginity’ away, and she obliged like it was nothing.

you didn’t like the kiss at all. not because she wasn’t a good kisser— she was a damn good one, but it was because the kiss was deep and passionate, and her hands were roaming all over your body as one kiss turned to two, and two turned to three, and you don’t even know how long the both of you were wrapped in each other until she complained that she was tired and that she was going to go to sleep.

it made you feel like shit. she had slipped out of your room and left you lonesome, and you brushed your fingertips over your lips to try to make sense of what just happened. you had just made out with your best friend, which wasn’t the issue, the issue was that you liked it.

you eventually had to pick a side, if you were going to let your little crush get in the way of friendship, or if you were just going to sweep all of those romantic feelings under the rug. and that’s exactly what you did— you pretended like it didn’t hurt when she would get into relationships, or come to you asking for help to plot on someone she wanted to be with.

you were just being a good best friend by helping her out. she would always ask you why you didn’t ever date, and you just made up some lame excuse about how that wasn’t what interested you. which wasn’t entirely a lie, it didn’t interest you, because only she did.

in current time, it’s half past two in the morning when billie stumbles through the door of your shared apartment, keys jingling on her carabiner against her jean-clad thigh when her eyes meet yours. you’re sitting idle at the kitchen island with a bowl of cereal in your hand, clad in nothing but a pair of billie’s boxers and a lacy white tee. you shoot her an inquisitive look, “where have you been dude? it’s like, two in the fucking morning, and i’ve barely seen your face all day.”

she gives out a nonchalant shrug, closing the door with her foot, and you can just tell by her sluggish body language that she’s anything but sober. she’s smiling too much and not talking enough, and when billie gets like that, it’s usually because she’s had a couple of drinks.

you’ve been out all night, don’t know where you’ve been, youre slurring on your words, not making any sense— but i don’t fucking care.

“where have you been, billie?” you ask her, dropping your spoon in your empty bowl as you looked at her, waiting on your answer.

she’s moving so slow that it starts to piss you off, and she just gives you another drunken shrug with a wave of her hand, “don’t worry a-about it, mama, just..a l-little get together.”

the nickname that she gives you makes your skin crawl, and you slide off of your stool and grab your phone, placing your bowl in the sink without saying a word billie. you don’t have the energy to entertain her shit tonight, so you walk up the stairs quietly, slamming your room door in contrast to your silence.

you don’t expect her to bother you for the rest of the night, but billie being billie, she unsolicitedly opens your bedroom door, leaning against the door frame with one arm resting above her head, the other at her side, holding a cup of juice.

“what did you do…tonight?” billie’s words are choppy, and you try your best to not pay any mind to her. usually when she’s drunk, you’d take such good care of her, getting her into comfier clothes and letting her sleep in your bed. but you were irritated now, and you tried your best to fight the urge to be your usual, hospitable self.

“nothing, i waited on your ass to get back so i could sleep.” you responded coldly to her, walking over to your dresser to grab a hoodie to slip on. your eyes scanned the array of clothing, and you bit your lip when you realized that all the clean hoodies you had belonged to billie.

you pretended like it didn’t bother you and grabbed a gray essentials hoodie, pulling it over your head and fixing the hood, “i’m gonna go to sleep, so…”

billie sunk into the oak wood of your door, and of course, when you turn your head for five seconds, she slips and falls straight to the floor.

“fuck!”

you quickly whipped your head around, and you wanted so badly tonight to just keep to yourself and not deal with billie’s shenanigans, but you couldn’t control yourself as you ran over to her, kneeling down and grabbing her face. her eyes were closed like she was asleep, and you tapped her cheek lightly but frantically, “bils? talk to me, are you awake?”

“i-i’m fine.” billie breathes out after a couple of moments, sitting up with her back pressed against the wall. she lets out a deep sigh that makes you let out one in relief.

even though you spoke against it at first, you were determined now to put her to bed safely. you offered her your water bottle that was on your dresser as you promised her that you’d be back, venturing out into the hallway and stepping into your bathroom.

you drew a hot bath for billie the way she liked it, leaving a change of clothes on the toilet, paired with a towel.

your blood was pumping adrenaline through your veins so hard that you could feel it heat your forehead. you weren’t even angry anymore— you just felt weak now, upset with the fact that billie always seemed to have this hold over you.

you loved her too much. it was becoming an issue now, but there wasn’t anything you could do or say, so the only option you had was to stay silent and suck it up. and although it hurt, really damn badly, those were your only options.

so you walked back into your bedroom and helped billie to the tub that waited for her, helping her strip out of her clothes that reeked of burberry perfume and tequila. her shirt was now discarded on the floor along with her pants, and the only thing she was in now was her bra and underwear.

of course, billie being your best friend— you’ve seen her naked plenty of times, but it still shocks you a little when she slips out of her undergarments, sinking into the bathtub, resting her head on the side of it.

“will you stay and talk to me?” billie murmurs, a little more sober now, and you nod silently, sitting crossed legged on the floor next to her.

it takes everything in you not to kiss her right now. she’s resting her head on her arms and looking at you with soft, tired eyes, her eyelashes drooping as she fought against sleep. her lips were pink and a little swollen, and she parts them to whisper lowly, “i’m….sorry.”

“sorry for what, billie?”

silence hangs in the air for a second until you hear her move in the water, taking a loofah and lavender scented body wash. she starts with her arms, head leaned against the wall behind her, “such a mess. i am— i-i’m sorry that you…have to put up with my shit.”

“it’s okay.” you mutter silently, “i do it because i love you.”

that makes billie smile, yet she’s got no idea that the love you’re describing is so much deeper than either of you could ever imagine. but you mask it well, flashing her a fake and small smile, throwing your head back to rest it on the toilet seat lid.

you honestly start to fall asleep until you hear the water drain, and billie grabs her towel and clothes behind you as you rub your eyes, jolting awake.

there’s no talking between the two of you. you just wait until she’s done putting on her t-shirt and sweats and when she’s ready, you lead her back to your bedroom instead of her own. you didn’t trust her to be alright on her own, so you let her sleep in your bed.

when you turn all of the lights off, billie climbs into bed next to you, her face so close to yours that your noses are almost touching.

her hand touches yours for a brief moment, “thank you…for always taking c-care…of me. i love you, y/n.”

billie falls asleep before you can even reply, and you eventually do the same, a tear slipping down your cheek silently.

the morning after is quiet, too quiet. the kind of quiet that presses against your chest and makes you want to scream just to break it. billie is still asleep when you wake up, her face turned toward you, the sunlight peeking through the blinds casting lines across her freckled skin. her lips are slightly parted, her breathing soft, and it makes your chest ache in that stupid way it always does when you look at her for too long.

you slide out of bed as carefully as you can, trying not to wake her, but even in her sleep, she stirs when you move. her hand stretches out to the space you just left, searching for you instinctively. it’s not fair how effortlessly she makes you feel like you belong to her, even when she doesn’t mean to.

the kitchen is the only refuge you have. you busy yourself making two cups of coffee, your hands shaking just enough to make it hard to pour the water into the machine. every sound feels too loud—the clink of the mug against the counter, the hum of the coffee pot, the low groan of the fridge door as you open it. your head is swimming with the memory of last night—her drunk apologies, the way her voice broke when she called herself a mess, and how much you wanted to hold her and never let go.

but you can’t. because she doesn’t love you like that.

she shuffles into the kitchen a while later, her hair a mess and her hoodie hanging off one shoulder. she looks like chaos wrapped in comfort, and it’s unfair how effortlessly beautiful she is. she rubs her eyes, leaning against the doorway as she watches you. “morning, mama,” she says, her voice still scratchy from sleep.

you don’t even bother correcting her nickname this time. it’s a battle you’ll never win. “morning,” you mutter, sliding a mug of coffee across the counter toward her.

she takes it, wrapping her hands around the warm ceramic, and gives you a soft smile. it’s the kind of smile that would make anyone else’s heart flutter, but for you, it just feels like a weight. “you didn’t have to do all that for me last night, you know,” she says quietly, her eyes downcast.

“it’s fine, billie,” you reply, your voice more clipped than you intend. “you were drunk. i couldn’t just leave you like that.”

she frowns, her brow furrowing like she’s trying to figure you out. “are you mad at me?”

you laugh bitterly, shaking your head. “no, billie. i’m not mad at you. i’m mad at….myself.”

her frown deepens, and she sets the mug down on the counter. “but why? you didn’t do anything wrong.”

her response makes you want to scream. you want to tell her everything, every little thought that’s been eating away at you for months, years even. but instead, you bite your tongue, because you can’t risk losing her. so you lie, like you always do. “forget it. it’s nothing.”

she doesn’t believe you—of course she doesn’t. but she doesn’t push, which almost makes it worse. because deep down, you wish she cared enough to dig. you wish she could see past the walls you’ve built up and realize that every time you look at her, it feels like your heart is breaking all over again.

the day passes in a blur of nothingness. billie spends most of it curled up on the couch, scrolling through her phone and occasionally singing along to whatever song is playing softly in the background. you try to distract yourself with chores, cleaning the apartment until your hands are raw from scrubbing. but no matter how much you busy yourself, your thoughts always circle back to her.

it’s late when she finally speaks again, her voice cutting through the silence like a knife. “do you ever feel like you’re…stuck?”

you glance up from where you’re folding laundry, startled by the vulnerability in her tone. “stuck how?”

“like…like you’re not where you’re supposed to be. like you’re waiting for something to happen, but it never does.”

your throat tightens, because that’s exactly how you’ve felt since the day you realized you were in love with her. “yeah,” you admit quietly. “i know what that feels like.”

she doesn’t say anything else, but her eyes meet yours across the room, and for a moment, it feels like she’s trying to tell you something without words. but then she looks away, and the moment is gone.

later, when she’s fallen asleep on the couch, you sit beside her, watching the rise and fall of her chest. the lyrics to “idfc” play in your head like a cruel mantra: “tell me pretty lies, look me in my face, tell me that you love me even if it’s fake.”

you reach out, brushing a strand of hair from her face, your fingers lingering for just a second too long. “i love you, billie,” you whisper, your voice barely audible over the sound of her breathing.

but she doesn’t hear you. and maybe that’s for the best. because no matter how much it hurts, you’ll keep pretending. you’ll keep being her best friend, her safe place, even if it kills you. because as much as you wish she could love you back, you’d rather have her like this than not at all.

and so you sit there, the weight of your unspoken feelings pressing down on you, and you let the tears fall silently, knowing that tomorrow, nothing will have changed.

[dullgecko]

I love a trans Riz moment and one of my headcanons is that goblin names are gendered by the number of syllables (Pok, Sprak, Riz all being one syllable, Sklonda being two).

And we all know that middle school Riz was Going Through It in terms of bullying so he was almost certainly also misgendered constantly by the other kids.

I think that’s part of why Sklonda is so against the other Bad Kids using nicknames for Riz because The Ball is two syllables and they’re accidentally misgendering Riz (according to goblin grammar) and she has had enough of other kids misgendering her son because they think it’s funny.

It’s also why Riz hates the multi-syllable nicknames like Rizbert and Rizwalda and keeps insisting it’s “just Riz”. But equally he also doesn’t want to come out. He’s sure it would be fine, but he doesn’t want to risk it just in case things go wrong. So he doesn’t know how to explain it so he doesn’t say anything, but it definitely hurts every time they do it.

(I think at some point he does deserve to snap at them though, as a treat).

(I’ve been trying to write a fic about this for ages but the words aren’t wording right, so I offer it up as a humble headcanon to be rotated in other peoples brains)

Goblin biology is different from humans or elves or even half-orcs. They're goblinoid not humanoid after all, their anatomy was different and their ancestors could be traced all the way back to the fae realms in eons past. Like with most creatures of the fae realms their relationship between their biological sex and gender is fairly loose, or more realistically practically non-existant. Hells, if you want to be a different biological sex the switch is incredibly quick and easy. Just go and talk to one of your hordes elders and with magic you'd be done within half and hour. Simple.

Riz grew up in Elmville though and Solesians tended to be weird about the whole thing. Sex and gender seemed to be intrinsically linked for some reason and, in order to naturalise better, goblins tended to stick with the gender that most-accurately reflected what was expected of their current biology.

Riz was six years old when he told his dad he didn't want to be a girl and that was that. A quick jaunt up to his families ancestral home, dinner and a minor name change and he was back in Elmville ready for school on Monday. It should have been as easy as that but even after explaining that he was a boy now the kids at his school just didn't seem to understand. They constantly kept calling him by his old name, some of the Helio kids even going so far as to corner him and preach at him about how what he'd done was evil. The bullying lasted for years and followed him all the way through middle school, only adding more ammunition to what he was already dealing with just by being a goblin in the first place.

He thought he'd managed to leave he worst of the bullying in the past when he finally made it to high-school. None of the kids who knew him in middle-school had come to Aguefort so no-one knew that he was a girl before. Just to make double sure though he made sure to dress the part. No one would call someone in a suit a girl, it was the most masculine outfit he could think of after all.

Honestly it was going better than expected. He did wince initially at the whole The Ball nickname but that was fine. His friends didn't know the multiple sylables were a thing in goblin, though his mom still drew her lips into a think line and glared whenever she heard Fabian call him that. They didn't even call him that in a teasing way anymore, it was more of a title so he felt like it didn't have the same kind of connotation.

At the moment though they were teasing him a little bit. It was all good-natured, someone having commented that the nickname Fabian still used for him was weird and they should really think of another one. They'd rotated through quite a few humerous titles but had somehow strayed dangerously into nicknames playing off his own name which he protested.

"Oh! What about Rizbert? Or Rizmothy." Fig waved her spoon towards the goblin, swallowing around mouth full of icecream even as Riz winced.

"Guys no. Just Riz is fine. Or The Ball. I dont mind The Ball. Plus you keep making my name longer aren't nicknames supposed to be short?" He clutched at the glass of his milkshake, claws tapping at the glass as he tried to get them to change the subject.

"Yeah but you cant go shorter than Riz so we need to think of something else." Kristen nudged her shoulder against their rogue, the height difference meaning she just bumpd him directly in the head which made him make a quiet 'ow' and rub his temple where she'd clocked him.

"What about Rizzy?"

"Guys seriously I don't-"

"Rizriz?"

"Please stop."

"Rizbian, no thats too close to Fabian."

"Kristen honestly I don't like-"

"Rizgug! No wait same issue as the Rizbian one. OH how about Rizik."

The goblins eyes narrowed down to thin slits as the last name was said, Riz baring his teeth and slamming his glass into the table with a loud bang that made his party members jump.

"It's just Riz." He spat, venom lacing the short sentence as he pulled his ears back and down. Kristen holding her hands up in front of her in a defensive posture even as the goblin grabbed his breifcase off the seat beside him and slid down under the table.

Riz duck between his party members legs, not able to hear them calling after him over the sudden roaring sound of his own blood in his ears, and stalking out of the diner without another word. Milkshake dripping onto the spot where he'd just been sitting because the glass had cracked when he slammed it down with too much force.

They'd tried to follow after him but it was basically impossible after he left their line of sight, the rogue was incredibly adept at not being seen when he didn't want to be and he really didn't want to be right now.

He managed to drive his party into a mild panic after only a few hours, the goblin marking himself as offline in their group chat and declining their calls after a few rings (including Fabians, which did not bode well considering how pissed off he'd been when he had stalked out). Adaine had even tried to skry on him, but his wisdom was high enough that he easily slapped down her attempt and sent her a single text message consisting of the word 'no' before turning his crystal off completely.

They'd ended up splitting up to search for him across the city, heading for any spots he might go and promising to fill eachother in if they spoted him. Fabian had been circling the town on the Hangman for a while by this point, squinting down alleyways as he passed just in case he could spot their sneaky party member down one of them.

He'd passed the Strongtower Appartments at least twice before he thought to check there as well. Sure, it was a far too obvious a spot but maybe The Ball HAD just gone home.

Fabian hopped off The Hangman outside the front of the apartments, patting its seat and telling it to continue circling and searching without him as he stepped inside. He knew where Riz's appartment was, hells he even had a key these days, so he head there directly and let himself in.

He probably should have knocked before just barging in though, given that there was a rather pissed off goblin woman currently sitting at the dining room table glaring daggers at him. "Ah. Apologies. I did not expect you to be home. Have you purchance seen The Ball recently?" He had paused, half-inside the apartment with his hand on the doornob and very nearly backed all the way out again when she somehow managed to look more annoyed when he spoke.

"I'm not going to confirm or deny if I've seen Riz recently." She put heavy emphasis on his name, ears flicking as she interwove her fingers on the table in front of her. "But, if you have come to apologise I may see fit to pass it along when I do see him."

"Pardon?" Fabians look of genuine confusion made Sklondas demeanour shift, ears flicking into a more curious position rather than the angry one they'd been settled in before.

"You're not here to apologise for deadnaming him?"

"Sorry I'm not following? We were having lunch and he got pissed off and stormed out. We were looking for him because well.... we were worried and he switched his crystal off." Fabian entered the apartment completely, letting the door swing shut behind him with a click as he stood awkwardly in the entrance area.

"You called him Rizik."

"Kristen called him Rizik." Fabian corrected her, noteing that the normally open door to Riz's bedroom was shut. "Fig mentioned that you didn't seem to like when we called him The Ball and was trying to find a new nickname. I recall that may have been among them."

Sklonda rubbed her hands over her face, heaving a sigh before tipping her head back to look towards the ceiling as if asking a higher power for help. "Don't use that name again. Didn't you know it would upset him?" "No?"

The goblin woman gave him a confused look, pushing back her chair and heading over to Riz's room to knock on the door. Cracking it open slightly and chattering at the person hidden inside in goblin before shutting it again.

"Goddamnit kid. How are they supposed to know if you don't tell them." She donked her forehead against the closed door before turning back to face the fighter.

"Look he's fine and home. Tell the others that but he doesn't want to see anyone at the moment. I think he's mostly feeling silly about getting so pissed at you all and storming off because you couldn't have known it would upset him." She pointed a finger at Fabian before waving for him to sit down at the table. The half-elf pulling out a chair and sitting down obediantly when directed to.

"The kids at his last school used to call him Rizik all the time and thats because it was his name. He shortened it when he told us he was a boy and I'm only telling you this because he said i could. Don't tell the others."

Fabians eye went a bit unfocused as he tried to process what he was being told, eyebrows shooting high on his forehead when he finally put it together. "TOLD you he was a boy.... So he wasn't before... Ah. Deadname. Understood. I'll.... inform the others that that particular nickname is completely off the table."

[naneun-no]

From my drafts so it’s late but:

Today’s delulu thought is that Standing Next to You has too many lyrical coincidences to not be about Jimin.

🫣 I SAID IT WAS DELUSIONAL OKAY

You are free to disagree. You probably should 🤣

I mean we know it wasn’t written by Jung Kook but obviously the version he recorded was arranged with and for JK, and “leave your body golden” can’t be a coincidence right? Like it’s the whole ass album name, plus a word that carries connotations of JK himself, which the ppl who worked with him on Seven must have known.

So if that wasn’t a coincidence… then what about:

1. “How we left and right is something we control” — a callback to both Left and Right by CP feat JK, but also a nod to Butter, a massive BTS hit and a song that he performs alongside his boyfie bestie JM.

2. “When it’s deep like DNA, something they can’t take away” — a callback to another massive BTS hit, interesting. And *delulu warning* also reminds me of JM and JK’s extreme similarities that they themselves have referred to before?? They’re wired the same, they have the same sense of humor, they live and breathe for the same shit and even though they have some very key differences, they really do seem like twin flames (even if you just see it as platonic). They are similar in ways that seem braided into the fibers of their being. Like, in their DNA 🧬 some may say. *delulu warning #2* I’m also reminded of Jimin’s Letter lyrics: “After all this time has passed will we still be the same? Just like we were when we first met.”

Also, “something they can’t take away” is an interesting turn of phrase… more on that later.

3. Okay the real meaty part:

Screaming I’ll testify that we'll survive the test of time, they can't deny our love. They can't divide us, we'll survive the test of time I promise I'll be right here

[I seriously can’t believe how closeted-couple-coded this song is]

First off, again with the Letter lyrics mirrored here with the “test of time.” Then it’s got all this drama about being ripped apart and how it won’t happen and how they’ll be next to each other no matter what and that they have “something they can’t take away.”

Not only does all that line up with other Letter lyrics, but it is so goddamn dramatic and for what?

Be for real, what straight couple in this day and age would have this much working against them?? The only possible explanations are: 1) within the fantasy world of a song I suppose this could be some sort of Romeo and Juliet/West Side Story motif, and to be fair the music video did have a kind of rival gang/crime family look to it? Sort of? With the men fighting below the stage? Idk. Or it could be 2) the fact that idols do in fact often have to hide even their straight relationships, which is wild to me. But I know it’s a thing, so. I suppose there’s that. JK doesn’t seem the type though honestly. I think he’d be even more open about it than V.

On the other hand, the lyrics seem SO fit for a couple who are a) queer, b) closeted, c) currently in/about to be in a legislatively homophobic military and country (am I saying that right? Lol) and d) internationally famous pop idols in the SAME BAND who are both widely regarded as heterosexual sex symbols and would be shunned by many people in their homeland AND internationally if their queerness were to be revealed, much less if they were truly an item and THAT news broke.

Whew. That was a lot but like… that would be a real example of a relationship that would be VERY threatened by outside forces plotting against them and trying to separate them. Not JK and a hot blonde model, not him and a Korean actress, not basically any other scenario but a queer relationship.

Idk I know he didn’t write it but like ??? What the hell is that theme? I’m dying to get inside the mind of the people who DID write it, because are they or are they jikookers at this point like?!

4. Just for fun I’ll also point out the “leave your body golden like the sun and moon” 😏 like. Okay. At this point the songwriters are watching Jikook compilations, drooling over @slaaverin edits like convince me they’re not. CONVINCE ME.

5. “Deeper than the rain”?! “The pain”?! Alright I’m not even serious at this point but ??? Rainy day fight 🌧️?!?! 🤣🤣

6. “Standing next to you” oh you mean like… for 18 months? In a companion enlistment program? Like that?

Alright alright I’m done but you get my point. What even is this song if not an anthem of jikookery?! It’s more on-the-nose than Letter, more sneaky than Still With You. It wasn’t written by JK but at this point I’m calling that the songwriters are as delulu as me.

Hope y’all are well. If you made it to the end of this thank you for donning your tinfoil hat with me and I hope you at least got a giggle.

✌️

[nieceeee]

“It’s Better This Way.”

P/S: baby daddy!eren and reader are having casual conversation like old times

W/C: 1146

A/N: cute SFW fluffy scene just showing their relationship together. No triggers, light flirting, baby mentioned…

Little snippet of the backstory of my OC (substituted for Eren) showing their relationship dynamic and maybe a few mixed feelings. Wanted to do something cute and simple. (Note: Eren is now in a relationship but wasnt @ the time of conception or in previous fic ‘Let Me Help’) lots of dialogue this time

Previous fic: Let Me Help

“Aye yo, whats up baby mama!” Eren says as you pick up his daily call. “Ugh E, you know I hate when you call me that.” You say, rolling your eyes. You shift the phone to the right side pressing it between your ear and shoulder. “I mean is that not who you are though,” he concluded. You could hear the shrug in his voice. “I would prefer you call me by my name or at least the mother of your child.” you express. “I don't get the negative connotation behind it anyway. You had my baby. You are my baby’s mother therefore you are my babymama.”

Knowing this conversation wasn't going anywhere, you decided to switch the subject. “Anyway, are you coming by to see c/n today?” You ask as you rummage around your room. “I’m going to try. Things have been a little iffy on my end.” He said with a release of breath. You press the speaker and lay the phone down on the dresser. “Issues at home?’ You question as you reach into the top of your closet to grab your shoes. “Unfortunately. I don’t know man. I mean he’s 6 months old. I thought she would be over this by now.” He said.

You and Eren hadn’t been together when he found out about your pregnancy. And when he finally found out, he was already in a different relationship. It wasn’t the easiest thing for him to get back home and tell his then girlfriend that he had a child with his ex. She initially left him out of anger but eventually came back around to try again. Of course, they were still having their own problems in regards to his relationship with you but he refused to let her be a barrier between him and his son. You and Eren had been on and off for years and were best friends well before then so your relationship was pretty much solid before she ever came along, still that didn't stop her from acting the way that she did. You could see how stressful it was on him some days but you both tried to make the most of it. “Well, Rennie baby, if you want it to work then it will. But things like that can take time. But don't get discouraged. You’re a good man and an amazing father.” You encourage him.

You pull a black bodycon dress dress with a thigh spilt and keyhole neckline out from your closet and press it against your body as you speak. “How is he doing anyway?” He asked “Acting like his daddy. Always making noise and trying to eat anything he gets his hands on.” You tease. “Sounds about right. I miss my little man.” He sighed. You laugh to yourself. “Eren, you literally just saw him yesterday.” “Yeah, and that’s way too long. Where is he anyway?” He questioned. “He is in his crib taking a much needed nap.” You say. The sound of a FaceTime call coming in grabbed your attention. “Damn E, I was changing.” You say as you rush to swipe to answer. “I mean, it’s not like I haven't seen it before.” He teases. “Boy, don’t get cussed out.” You say as his face comes into view on the screen. “Can I see him” he asks. You roll your eyes and walk across the hall to the nursery.

Opening the door slowly you turn the camera around so that he can see into the crib. His face softens at the sight of his son as he snaps a few FaceTime photos. After he is finished, you creep your way back out of the room, “My little man is so handsome. Looking just like his daddy.” He smiles. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re full of yourself?” You remark, propping your phone up on the dresser as you walk back into your closet. “No, but I’ve been told I fill people up. You would know.” He playfully shot back. “See this is why you keep getting in trouble now, that mouth of yours.” You say. “I would respond but I’ll let you have that one, where are you going anyway?” He asked. “If you must know, I have a date.” You say checking yourself over again in the mirror. “A date? With who? Since when are you dating?” he fired off questions. “Okay, first of all, you’re c/n’s daddy not mine. Second, you don't know him. And third, why does it matter.” You respond, placing a hand on your hip.

“Cause I need to know who got you out here in this freakum dress like you grown.” he fussed. “Boy, I am grown.” You laugh. “Yeah, aight. Don’t get no whoopin.” He said. “Been there. Done that.” You teased, sending him a wink. You both start laughing again. “But seriously y/n, you look amazing.” He said gently. “Thank you Rennie.” You smile. You pick up two pairs of your heels and hold them out in front of the camera. “Which shoes?” You ask him. “Nude, you only wear red bottoms for me.” He smirked. You roll your eyes again. “You are seriously a hopeless flirt.” You say as you slip into the nude stilettos with clear straps that he chose. You grab a matching set of earrings and a thin chain necklace to complete your fit. “Okay, final look?” You say to him and you give him a spin. He watched you intently, looking you up and down. “Reeeeen.” You whine, “Serious opinion.” “Seriously?” He questioned. You nod at him. “That. Right there. Is why you’re my baby mama right now, cause damn y/n.” He responded. You shake your head at him as you feel the heat flush your face. “Whatever, I have to get ready and go.” You grab your purse and your phone and walk towards the door.

“If you decide to come by text my mom. She’ll be here with c/n.” You tell him grabbing your keys. You say goodbye to your mother as you walk to your car. “Okay, have fun. Be safe. Let me know when you make it.” He sounded off. “I know. I will. Will you be here by the time I make it home?” You ask him as you open your driver’s side door and get in the car. “Depends on how late you get back so just text me when you’re on the way.” He says. “Okay, I'm going.” You say. “Okay, I love you babydoll. Talk to you later.” He responds. “I love you too E.” You reply. He smiles and blows you a kiss before hanging up. You sit in the driver seat for a few moments, letting out a bittersweet sigh. It’s better this way you remind yourself as you start the car and pull out of the driveway

[inawickedlittletown]

What's In A Name (BuckTommy) - one-shot

Summary: Buck didn't like his name and definitely didn't like other cutesy nicknames…at least not until Tommy uses them

BuckTommy Positivity Week Day 2: nicknames and terms of endearment

Rated: G

Words: 1.5k

@bucktommypositivityweek

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Read on Ao3

The strange thing about being known entirely by what was essentially a nickname given to him because he was the second Evan to arrive on the first day at the Fire Academy, was that his first name felt less and less like his identity. Growing up he’d never had any kind of nickname. His parents called him Evan. Maddie called him Evan. When he got into football the coach had called him Buckley and his teammates had gone back and forth from Evan to Buckley and never anything different. 

During his long trip across the states he was always just Evan. In Peru he was Evan. A unique name for somewhere in Peru that at least seemed to make him interesting. Granted as a foreigner whose Spanish was heavily accented, he would have stood out no matter what. He never stayed anywhere long enough for more than a hookup or two and he never made any promises. Even when he did stay somewhere long, it never seemed to him like anyone wanted him to stick around. 

Despite that, it made him feel a little used and he hated that moment where two or more nights were blending together and calling them “baby” saved him from the possibility of getting a name wrong. Worse, when he was the one being called “baby”, a clear sign of where he stood. 

He grew to hate it as a term of endearment. Cringed the first time Abby said it. Shuddered when Ali called him “babe”. Liked that Taylor called him Buck and never tried to call him Evan much less anything like “baby” or “honey”. To Natalia, he was Buck and maybe even a walking corpse. 

The first time Tommy Kinard said his name, it felt like a revelation. 

“Evan,” he said in a tone that implied a caress, like he was literally tasting his name and giving it some kind of approval. Approval that Buck had admittedly not known he was looking for. 

Any other time, Buck would have corrected with, “call me Buck” but he hadn’t felt the urge. When Tommy said his name it was like he was taking it and clearing it of all the baggage attached to it, like he was giving it new meaning and through that giving Buck new meaning. 

He’d gone from Evan the needy child, to Evan the ranch hand, the bartender, the surf instructor, the vagabond, the guy that thought he could become a Navy Seal. The Fire Academy had landed him on Buck and Buck was a firefighter, he was a hero, he was useful and he had friends that quickly became family. Buck had always felt like more even when Chim was using his name as a verb in a bad connotation. Even then, he was Buck. Tommy turned it around again. He called him Evan and Evan, when Tommy said it, was who he was supposed to be.

The part where he realized that he was bisexual and the part where he realized that it was okay to want and to be wanted for exactly who he was. 

Everytime Tommy said his name, Buck felt like he could soar away because he felt so light and so soft. No one else seemed to understand it. Maddie had been taken aback the first time he heard Tommy say his name, even more so when Buck didn’t react like he usually did. Eddie had been surprised too and Chim had tried to call him Evan a few times before claiming it was weird. Buck had found it weird too when it didn’t come from Tommy. The first time he heard his mother say it since meeting Tommy, it sounded like a screeching chalkboard. Wrong. So so wrong.

Months into the relationship, long after they had defined each other as boyfriends, he thought he’d gotten used to the way it made him feel. Sometimes, it did still catch him unawares, but more and more he was used to it. 

Of course, that was when one more morning in a kitchen lit up perfectly by early morning sun, Tommy turned and said, “Baby, can you pass me the pepper?” 

Buck all but melted right there and then. He almost sent the pepper mill to the ground in his haste and then when he handed it over, didn’t let go immediately.

“Evan, you okay?” 

“You, uh, you called me baby,” Buck said. 

“Oh,” Tommy said. “Sorry, do you not like it?” 

He shouldn’t. He should be reminded of all the reasons why he’d hated it before, and yet he couldn’t forget the way it sounded from Tommy. The fondness. The way it didn’t replace his name as much as it added feeling. It added depth because Tommy said it because he wanted to show Buck that he cared, that he appreciated him. 

“I…I never used to before,” Buck said. 

Tommy smiled easily. He set down the pepper mill after seasoning their eggs. “So you like when I call you baby?” 

“Yes. Yes, I think I do.” 

“Hmm, good. What if I called you sweetheart? Or honey or—”

Buck kissed him about it. He pressed his lips against Tommy’s in what was becoming familiar and no less exhilarating. Tommy moaned into the kiss, pulled him close, deepened it, until they both realized they were in the middle of cooking breakfast. 

“I think you can call me anything at all and I’ll love it,” Buck breathed out. 

“You’re adorable, you know that.”

Buck grinned. “So you’ve said. Is there, uh, anything I should call you?”

Tommy chuckled. “What, is Daddy not enough?”

Buck just smirked, playing with the neckline of Tommy’s shirt. His fingers touched Tommy’s neck. “I mean if you want me to call you that outside of here or my apartment then…”

Tommy kissed him again. “No, baby.” 

“I think I’d combust if I ever called you that in public,” Buck said. 

He didn’t clarify if it was because it would make him hard instantly or because he’d feel so much schadenfreude that he might need to move out of state and start his life all over.  He supposed that depended on who was around to hear it. Buck would never rule out sex almost in any place, but he could admit that things were a little different with men, but not that much. Tommy, though, probably wouldn’t go for exhibitionism. 

“You look deep in thought,” Tommy said. 

“Hmm, maybe I could call you daddy outside of the bedroom, if you like?” 

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Only when appropriate, sweetheart.”

“Yeah yeah…”  

Tommy’s smile was that amused but fond one, the one that made his eyes sparkle. He looked at Buck seriously in the next moment. “Well one day I hope you can call me husband. But for now, you can call me anything you want to. I know I’ll love it.” 

Buck was at a loss for words. He could only stare at Tommy and he was lost to the idea. He and Tommy actually married, exchanging vows and signing the papers and belonging to each other. It hit him how he had never thought about marriage and forever with anyone else. Just Tommy. It was, he realized, because he had never wanted it with anyone else. 

“Evan?”

“I — I want that too. I want that so much. I can’t wait.”

Tommy’s smile matched his own and they shared another quick kiss. Over breakfast they kept smiling at each other and Buck knew that Tommy was imagining their future together too. 

It hadn’t even been six months, but time didn’t matter when you knew and when you wanted something to start. It was especially true when you were aware how easy it was to lose the one you loved. 

“What if…what if I want to call you something else right now?” Buck asked.

“Something else?”

Buck took a breath. He could feel his heart racing. “What if I wanted to call you fiance?”

Buck didn’t know if he’d ever seen Tommy so shocked. Maybe that coffee date after the ruined first date when Buck had invited him to Maddie’s wedding. Tommy had admitted weeks later how sure he’d been that Buck was trying to just let him off the hook easy. 

“Evan?”

“Look we could do it right and one of us could get down on one knee. But we’re not busy today and I’d rather do this together. What do you say? Want to go pick rings out with me?”

When Tommy didn’t say anything, Buck started to feel like maybe he needed to backtrack. He was pushing it too far, running ahead instead of letting things develop naturally. He tried to tamp down the disappointment that settled on him, but then Tommy's fingers were there under his chin. 

“Yes, sweetheart. Yes. Let’s go look at rings.”

“Really? I mean because I know it’s—“

Tommy kissed him and when he pulled back, inches from Buck, he said, “my fiance.”

Buck couldn’t have stopped smiling for anything. 

[loustyleshtommo]

Song Theory of Taylor Swift’s The Tortured Poets Department: Track 28

Because Matty Healy is a stinky red herring. Let me tell you why Track 28 Peter is actually about Louis Tomlinson whose favorite number is 28, and present the evidence that Taylor Swift really said: forget that guy on the chief coming straight home to me. Goddess Karlie can STEP ON ME.

ps. I blame this entire song analysis on Taylor releasing folklore on One Direction’s 10th HBD.

Peter

Forgive me, Peter, my lost fearless leader

“my lost fearless” could refer to Taylor’s second studio album. She lost that masters to Big Machine. Before she announced her re-release of Fearless (Taylor’s Version), Louis released his solo debut album Walls, with a song called Fearless, “Cash in your weekend treasure for a suit and tie, a second wife” seemingly referencing her Lover era (ME! mv) as well as her past relationship with Dianna Agron and her present with Karlie Kloss.

“Now I’m not saying that you could’ve done better. Just remember that I, I’ve seen that fire alight.” Louis knew Taylor was planning to come out and was well on her way to execute that plan before it all went wrong. (Re: The 2019 NYC Pride Parade Outfit She Never Wore)

His song was encouraging her to become that fearless again. To tell her that he knew she tried. But why did Louis have to reassure Taylor? Why did Taylor feel the need to apologize to Louis?

In closets like cedar preserved from when we were just kids.

Both Louis and Taylor were queer kids who got stuck in the closets as soon as they stepped foot onto the music industry scene. It’s not a pleasant place to be. Just listen to the anxiety in Taylor’s voice when she asked “Are we out of the woods?”

Was it something I did?

Who could ever forget the Haylor Winter Romance? One Direction dropped their second studio album “Take Me Home”. During that promo season, Harry Styles and Taylor Swift got papped together a lot. The fandoms were divided. Some fans still believed in Larry Stylinson and/or Swiftgron. But the tabloids insisted it gotta be Haylor. Is it Taylor’s fault that they’re still stuck in the closet today? If she hadn’t participated in handholding in Central Park/NYE kiss/Blue Dress on a Boat, would everything be different today?

The goddess of timing once found us beguiling

Both Louis and Taylor were lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time for their music career to start like shooting stars (Louis: we were lucky once, I could be lucky again.)

The things about “beguiling” is that it doesn’t only mean enchanting/charming, it has the connotation of being deceptive. The goddess of timing did not find them to be truthful.

She said she was trying.

Actual deity is all powerful and rarely has to try. This is such a human quality. This person is comparable to a Goddess but she’s still just a person. I believe that the Goddess of Timing here is Kali, while the person Taylor is calling a Goddess is Karlie.

Kali is a Goddess from Hinduism aka the same place as the concept of karma (who is Taylor’s boyfriend when she wrote the songs. But once she put it out and performs it for the audience, she no longer thinks of the song Karma as her own. In her mind, it already belongs to the fans. And if that’s the kind of entertainment they’re expecting, she will continue to sing “Karma is the guy on the Chief coming straight home to me.” Because the Goddess already sees her as a liar, what difference adding one more lie is gonna make? (Did she forget about the last straw?))

Peter, was she lying?

For the Goddess of time, this is the same question about fame (what Taylor earned with the help of fortunate timing) that Taylor has been wondering about since her first Speak Now era: Never Grow Up (Keep this line in mind, it will come into play later: It’s so much colder than I thought it would be, so I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on. Wish I’d never grow up. (Such a Peter Pan thing to think.) Continued into RED (Lucky One: Now my name is up in the light. I wonder if I’d make it out alive) All the way to Clara Bow in the tortured poets department. It’s the question that’s been haunting her for ages.

For the person comparable to the Goddess, was Karlie lying? Well, if she really is with Taylor then she’s also very deep in the closet and hiding a core truth about herself. So, yes, she was lying.

My ribs got the feeling she did

This is the line that cements it for me.

This Goddess must be Kali.

And Taylor fancies herself Kali’s consort.

One of the most popular form of Kali is Dakshina Kali. She is typically shown with her right foot on her consort’s chest. It’s a show of his devotion to her.

I got the information of Kali legend from Wikipedia, and this is what THE POETS got to say about the guy at her feet.

Here’s the thing, those who worship Kali are said to be able to overcome death itself. (Honey, I rose up from the death I do it all the time. Reputation is a Karlie album confirmed by a Goddess.)

Another thing about Kali is that she is not just a Goddess of Time. She is also known as Mother Goddess; Goddess of Time, Change, Creation, Power, Destruction and Death. (So basically, the entire theme of the Tortured Poets Department. Damn, girl. Way to talk about devotion.)

Another form of Goddess Karlie Kali with her left foot on her consort, Shiva, is much more violent. She was in uncontrollable rage. To stop her from destroying the entire universe, Taylor Shiva laid down on her warpath. When she stomped on him (and likely hurt his ribs in the process, ouch), she realized with horror that she had gone too far. (Taylor’s The Great War: The worst was over…I vowed, I will always be yours.)

And I didn’t want to come down.

I thought it was just goodbye for now.

The pre-chorus subject will later change from I to We, but the theme of thinking they would have more time keeps coming back around. Taylor still wanted her name up in the light. She thought she would have more time. She thought hiding crucial part of herself was just a temporary thing.

You said you were gonna grow up and you were gonna come find me.

This chorus is why I think the YOU in this song is Louis/Harry. The anxiety-inducing repetition is reminiscent of Out Of The Woods aka the song I believe was written from Louis’s perspective, and also contained one of her earliest blatantly queer-coded lyrics: The rest of the world was black and white but we were in screaming colors.

Said you were gonna grow up and you were gonna come find me.

In the early One Direction days, Louis once admitted that growing old is one of his worst fears. Isn’t that the most Peter Pan thing you’ve ever heard? Taylor be like “I think I’ve seen this film before, and I didn’t like the ending” This is one of the many reasons why I think William Bowery has never, ever, ever been Joe, but rather was actually Louis William Tomlinson (who curses like a sailer so much that infects Taylor. She never dropped f-bomb before she started writing with WB). The ships passing in the night imagery is such a Louis and Harry thing, and Taylor started using it heavily from 1989 onwards. Aka the album she wrote Style and invited the fella over there with a hella good hair to come shake it off.

Said you were gonna grow up and you were gonna come find me.

But can they really shake off the tumultuous emotions of hiding the love of your life like a skeleton in your closets? No matter how many hiding places she knew?

Words from the mouth of babes

Exhibit A to infinity: baby boyfriends

Promises oceans deep

Rope & Anchor, Ship & Compass, Pirates and nautical theme couple tattoos. You name it, they got it. Louis’s Strong and Harry’s Happily lethal combo: My hand, your hand tied up like two ships. I don’t care what people say when we’re together.

But never to keep

Exhibit crying in a cool way:

1D’s Something Great: The script was written and I could not change a thing.

1D’s Story of My Life: Written on these walls are the stories that I can’t explain

Harry horse-noises-and-i-would-lean-towards-no Styles, Sweet Creature who? Never heard of her.

Louis doesn’t-know-what-tattoo-he-got Tomlinson, but this compass is so sweet for pointing home, innit?

Never to keep

How many times are they going to have to deny their love? How many times do they have to parade around with someone else for the camera? How many times do they have to bring up conspiracies and how unfair it is for their loved ones? They keep doing things that practically break a promise of ALWAYS IN MY HEART. Are they doomed to never keeping their promises?

Are you still a mind reader?

It’s not just Louis’s Fearless song before she unlocked the vault to Fearless (Taylor’s Version), just look at the way he wrote lyrics that Taylor clearly had in mind:

Louis in Don’t Let It Break Your Heart: I know you left a part of you in New York

Taylor in Hoax: You knew I left a part of me back in New York

Louis for 1D’s Love You Goodbye: Baby, go on, twist the knife

Taylor in Hoax: my twisted knife, my winless fight

Louis for 1D’s Midnight Memories first leaked: Diana, let me be the one to lift your heart up and save your life. I don’t think you even realize, but, baby, you’d be saving mine.

Taylor in reputation’s Call It What You Want: You don’t have to save me. But would you run away with me? Yes. And keep this line in mind: My baby’s fly like a jet stream.

A natural scene stealer?

I mean, I am very biased. But Louis has always stolen the scene. Whether it be “NO! Jimmy protested” on the staircase, Kevin the Pigeon, it said do not dial 9 so I dialed 9, or when singing/carrying 1D choruses, especially clear in What Makes You Beautiful and Story of My Life a cappella version.

In relation to Taylor, as soon as Haylor officially ended according to tabloid, Louis proceeded to get this giant Swift bird tattoo in his right arm.

And remember the game 1D played for FOUR promo? Louis wasn’t even trying to do anything funny and the universe was like let’s make sure the pulling-words-out-of-hats game has the funniest possible outcomes.

Harry: mine said Louis Tomlinson

Niall: got papped snogging

Zayn: Taylor Swift

*chaos erupts*

Louis: *incredulous laughter*

Harry: *seize the opportunity for the funniest joke ever* I mean, you could’ve told me

Louis: Jesus.

Anyhow, I digress. Niall said without Louis, 1D would be the most boring band in the world.

I’ve heard great things, Peter.

I mean, World Tours/Festivals/Faith in the Future. Yup, great things indeed. But it also implied that they hadn’t seen each other in person for a while. (That’s why I still on the clown train that WB is Louis. They wrote together in lockdown. Nobody was out to see anybody.)

But life was always easier on you than it was on me.

This is where I am extremely dubious of my own clown theory. I don’t believe Louis had it easier than Taylor, especially given how he lost his mom and his sister. But it helps that the next line made it clear which aspect of life she was talking about.

And sometimes it gets me, when crossing your jet stream.

This line really takes Harry out as a contender for being Peter/you. Because he already has his own place here. He’s the “your jet stream”. My baby’s fly like a jet stream. Harry is Louis’s baby. It’s been well-documented in the Larry Stylinson fandom/organization/conspiracy/call it what you want to. 😂

We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon in different galaxies.

Both Taylor and Harry did the best they could do under the same circumstance. From the point of view on earth, there is only one moon. It seems so big and just within reach. But when we zoom out to the level of galaxies, it’s practically impossible to pinpoint the same moon among billions of other celestial bodies. Yet, the dark night cycle for Taylor and Harry is exactly the same. They’re both stuck in the same style of closet from when they were just kids. (Womanizer/Slut aka someone with many different partners, before it shifted to long-term low-key/marriage material themes. Likely due to the songs they kept writing which couldn’t possibly be about one-night stands, no matter which angle anyone look at it. The messages are loud and clear. They are in love and deeply devoted to one person only.) The difference is Taylor didn’t get to meet Karlie before the industry broke her spirit down. (Let all your damage, damage me.) But Louis and Harry have always had each other to rely on. #welivetogetherdealwithit.

Harry was once asked if falling in love is the best part of a relationship. Well, he said he actually believed the best part after that initial rush of infatuation is becoming a team. If that’s not enough to sound like someone in a long-term committed relationship. Harry also has a habit of singing “I’m in love with Lou and all his little things”/ “You’re still the one I run to, the one that I belong to. You’re still the one I want for life.” /“Hopelessly devoted to Lou.”

So, yeah. No wonder Taylor believed life was always easier on Louis and Harry than it was on her. Not even mentioning the things she said on The Man: I’m so sick of running as fast as I can, wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man.

And I didn’t wanna hang around.

So Karlie and Harry was seen hanging out once and never again.

We said it was just goodbye for now.

I think Louis/Harry and Taylor/Karlie were always planning to come out at the same time, but that coming out schedule kept getting postponed.

You said you were gonna grow up and you were gonna come find me.

Said you were gonna grow up and you were gonna come find me.

Said you were gonna grow up and you were gonna come find me.

Words from the mouth of babes

Promises oceans deep

But never to keep

Never to keep

It’s the same ol’ shit, just different days. The anxious anticipation and fear of consequences for when they finally come out feel oceans deep. They can’t get rid of it. But they still can’t commit to it 100% either. All they could do was making promises after promises with blatant Easter eggs like Harry running around with rainbow flags on stage, Louis wearing a giant golden H on his chest for his livestream during COVID-19 lockdown, Taylor’s entire Lover era. The list goes on and on.

And I won't confess that I waited, but I let the lamp burn.

I’m gonna let the burning of Lover house in the Eras tour speak for itself. Their plan to come out was a failure time and time again.

As the men masqueraded, I hoped you'd return.

As Taylor kept switching out these Kens, while stuck in the same ol’ closet, she still hoped Louis won’t give up on their plan.

Well, here’s Louis in Just Like You aka the song he announced on National Coming Out Day saying: 25 and it’s all planned.

Did that plan include dropping his album Walls with Come so far from Princess Park & For every question why, you were my because on the last day that Harry was 25 years old? Because that happened.

And here’s Taylor in Lover for Death By A Thousand Cuts: Paper cuts sting from our paper thin plans.

Did that paper thin plan include Taylor releasing ME! on Lesbian’s Visibility Day? Because that happened.

Soon we will see the reason why Taylor would be asking for forgiveness from Louis. But let’s see first what she was hoping for and didn’t get.

With your feet on the ground, tell me all that you'd learned.

Remember Cloud lyrics from 1D: Some days you’re gonna see the things that I see… Never coming back down.

And from Louis’s Walls in We Made It: Never coming down with your hand in mine.

Because the thing about We Made It, is Louis still had to throw in a line for his girlfriend Eleanor. Yes, Harry and Louis made it. But they’re still stuck in the closet, anyway.

'Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned

This is when I realize that Taylor has been tracing the stepping stones, starting from most recent events and making her way back to the start in a non-linear manner. Well, she certainly did called this album a post-mortem study. But exactly whose death are we mourning in this particular song right here?

And you said you'd come and get me, but you were twenty-five

And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired

Lost to the "Lost Boys" chapter of your life

Remember Harry’s “Not That Important”? Or all the Rainbow Bondage Bear and Sugar Baby Bear RBB/SBB shenanigans? Louis and Harry were throwing themselves at the closet door, banging against it and making such loud noises. They wanted so badly to show the world that they’re together while still in the band. That fantasy was one hell of a drug. Especially after Zayn left and they felt like they’ve got nothing left to lose. That was, until Belfast (where a Victorian-styles woodvale park is located, remember that not-an-Easter-Egg-I-promise! in Taylor’s hide-and-seek edition of folklore? Uh huh.) and babygate caged them into ironclad closet. But it wasn’t only just those events and One Direction going on hiatus that ensured Louis was completely and utterly lost.

Louis was trying so hard to make everyone sees that he’s not the father. He was so, so loud about it. So loud that it’s still causing troubles every time he brings up Freddie TODAY. Way too loud to ever be shut down, basically.

Louis was doing everything he could to leave the closet. But in December 2016, he lost his mom and turned twenty-five.

How could anyone expect a grieving boy to have another fight left in him?

Forgive me, Peter, please know that I tried to hold on (hold on) to the days (to the days) when you were mine.

Louis performed Just Hold On for the first time only days after his mom passing. In front of the person who made damn sure he couldn’t be himself under the spotlight. It’s a testament to his strength and I will never stop admiring his resilience. And although Taylor didn’t come through with their coming out plan, someone else made sure to have done the leg work.

Before her passing, Johannah, Louis’s mother, took the time to delete all of Freddie pictures off of her instagram, two weeks after she told Louis that she had terminal cancer.

(How do I know this? Well, it’s a hindsight is 20/20 thing. When Jay did that, fans had no clue she was sick and dying.

Years later, Louis talked about his mom breaking the bad news when he was at Jamie Vardy’s wedding.

And that wedding happened a fortnight before Jay removed all of Freddie pictures.)

Louis’s mom took out the rose thorns and made damn sure her baby boy could walk down their memory lane with the least pain possible. Louis had a great mom who taught him how to get through the darkest nights.

And though it’s not acknowledged so publicly, Louis has had Harry by his side all this time. I don’t think Louis ever needed an apology from Taylor just because they couldn’t complete their plan to come out/“Speak Now” in time for his mom to hear it, too.

Regardless, it’s possible that Taylor still felt really, really shitty for failing to execute their coming out plan as grief-stricken Louis ran out of time. By the time her scathing reputation prologue letter came around (as if inspiration for music is as simple and basic as a paternity test), it seemed Louis was in too deep with the conspiracy from One Direction days to ever be rid of it now. Quite literally lost to the lost boys chapter of his life

But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light.

And I’m not gonna lie, the sudden reappearance of present tense in descriptive lyrics here gave me a jolt of anxiety. Taylor already released Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) in which she repeated “So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on. Wish I’d never grow up.”

See, if we’re sticking with the original story of Peter Pan, Wendy grew up and Peter Pan didn’t. But in this version of the story, our Peter Pan aka Louis had been through such grief that pushed him to grow up first. He’s actually the one waiting now. Wendy aka Taylor had been playing catch up. (Fuck 🛴 for that.) Hence, this present tense about the woman who has turned out the light is the continuation of wait for the signal and I’ll meet you after dark.

By the way, how does the intro sequence of The Eras Tour go again?

It’s been a long time coming. It’s you and me. It’s Fearless. Big reputation. And they said Speak Now. Into folklore. My name is Taylor and I was born in 1989. Hey! evermore. Loving him was red. Meet me at midnight. Nice! Lover.

It’s you and me that’s my whole world. They whisper in the hallway she’s a bad, bad girl.

Taylor started her Eras Tour with Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince. The song I believe was written to Louis from Harry’s perspective. “You know I adore you. I’m crazier for you than I was at sixteen.” Corresponding nicely with the song 18 that one of her best friends, Ed Sheeran, wrote for One Direction. The one Louis used to sing as “I have loved him since we were eighteen.” And Harry immediately followed up by screaming “Sixteen!” at the crowd.

You said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Said you were gonna grow up

You said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Said you were gonna grow up

This set of repeating chorus above isn’t the same as the other ones before. Can you spot the difference? Here’s the rest of the chorus that actually looks the same as the ones in the beginning.

You said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Said you were gonna grow up

Then you were gonna come find me

Both contain six lines, but I assure you, there are differences. The order changed. The last line changed. Devil’s in the details.

Words from the mouths of babes

Here’s the most surreal experience for me as someone who read too much between the lines. In Louis’s own documentary All Of Those Voices, out of all the song he has written, this is the one he chose to play as an opening segment for Freddie, aka his son who is arguably the most controversial and divisive topic in his fandom: Angels Fly.

This is a song about helping someone process grief, from someone who’s already been there before.

In hindsight, Louis’s babygate was a boon of sort. A blessing in disguise, if you will. Fans were so busy tearing this paternity narrative apart. Louis was able to keep quiet about the actual tragedy he was facing. Whatever drama Louis needed to keep his name on the papers, Freddie’s family helped provide it in spade. He was allowed to carve out truly private time to prepare for the inevitable. And when the news of his mom’s sickness broke, Harry was the one who got papped near the hospital that she was staying at. He took that publicity burden off of Louis’s shoulder. If that action did not speak of Harry’s immeasurable love for Louis, I don’t know what else will.

Promises oceans deep

Remember how Taylor almost had to go through the same thing Louis did? With her mom’s diagnosis? On my very first listen of Peter, I felt the same gut-punch of grief as when I heard her Soon You’ll Get Better, or Ronan, or Louis’s Two of Us. It’s the worst kind of heartbreak to recognize. And it doesn’t matter how long it’s been, that pain is edged oceans deep into your soul.

But never to keep

Fortunately, with time, anyone who has experienced such great loss will begin to realize that grief has ebb and flow, like ocean waves. You learned to live with the pain. You start to see silver linings. Maybe you quantify this grief with the size of the moon. So you build a galaxy around it and the eclipse doesn’t seem so daunting anymore.

TL;DR

I think Taylor is 1) apologizing to Louis for postponing their coming out plan over and over again, 2) acknowledging that the fear of consequences for coming out is nothing compared to the grief of losing your loved ones forever, and 3) confirming the plan to come out. Sure, words from the mouths of babes, promises oceans deep but never to keep. However, they’re both grownups now. So remember:

Wait for the signal and I’ll meet you after dark.

And now:

The woman who sits by the window has turned out the light.

Hello, darkness my old friend 👋

Most importantly, Taylor worships Goddess Karlie, byeeeeee.

[agentjazzy]

oh wow, it looks like Disney's Primos is coming out - I thought they shelved it!

I showed my parents the trailer, and they immediately said that the main character looks just like I did when I was little lmao, because it's true

Because, like, 1)I'm Chicane, and we have the exact same coloring, 2)I had short hair and braces from ages 9-11, 3)I had many many pairs of jean shorts, 4)glasses, lol, and 5)my mom shaved my unibrow every month when I was little

And then, of course, the premise - when I was 8 I had to live with my cousins for Summer (+ one month of school) before we moved in with my grandparents bc *~*technically we were homeless for several years*~*

How many cousins? Well, first with only 3, but then there were problems, so then we moved in with a different tía, who, at the time, had 7 kids.

(if anyone's curious, I have 20 cousins total, with 1 more on the way)

Being in single 3 bedroom house (with 2 makeship rooms in the garage) with 7 cousins, 4 adults, and my little brother was. Um. An experience.

But anyway, after I showed my parents the trailer, I told them this show was supposed to premiere a year ago but had controversies after the theme song dropped, then I showed them the original theme song to see if anything caught their attention.

And sure enough, absolutely nothing. My mom questioned the nickname Nachos, bc it can sound kinda iffy, but nothing else caught their attention.

(and oh, for context, they both grew up in LA, both growing up translating for their parents)

I showed them some clips of why people hated it, and yeah, they were confused bc they would say "oye primos," not "oigan primos." I guess my grandparents weren't concerned with teaching exact grammar at home, more concerned with making sure that my parents were learning english at school

everyone being mad at "terremoto heights" was um. weird. because we're constantly making earthquake jokes, because we're waiting for The Big One, which we know will inevitably screw us over and possible strand us without water and home if/when it comes. but we still joke about it, you know? my whole class made earthquake jokes, and my parents made earthquake jokes when they were in school and they lived through the LA quakes

it makes me wonder if Animaniacs released their "A Quake" song today, would people have been up in arms as much as they have for Primos?

but I guess changing it is fair, if Disney wants to have an international release. even if making earthquake jokes is part of SoCal culture.

they were really surprised about the nickname controversies, because here in SoCal, those nicknames are like. pretty common. yes, even the one that they ended up changing. it's almost as if words have different connotations in different places..........

ANYWAY the biggest thing is that they agreed that the voice actress was out of line (although they think it's obvious that the "shithole" comment was poking fun at trump and that that was being taken out of context in bad faith) but - and this is an inside joke I'm not gonna elaborate on - makes sense considering her name

(IF YOU'RE A MUTUAL OR A TRUSTED FOLLOWER, if you're curious about the joke, I WILL dm you to explain if you ask)

but yeah. it's obvious that this is Disney's answer to The Loud House and The Casagrandes - that being said, all the vitriol towards this shows seems very unfounded. this show just seems very Chicano, moreso than other things I've seen.

and like, as I've explained here, this show is very, heavily relatable to me specifically. none of my white friends understood the pains of living with a bunch of your wild cousins - but multiple of my Chicana friends did. at different schools districts even.

it's just... a lot of the things people are shouting is "bad representation" is literally just... my life. And, apparently, the creator's life, considering it's based on her childhood.

I think it's nice that she made a show about Chicano culture. It does suck that apparently no one knows or even seem to want to know what Chicano culture is.

I just can't help but to wonder if I ever make something about my life, my lived experience... will people call me bad representation? idk.

anyway, I'll probably check the first few episodes out. I'm not sure I'll watch the whole series, since, lately, Disney's shows have been kinda a miss for me. but maybe I'll be surprised. I'm willing to give it a shot

[olderthannetfic]

Sometimes I think about that time when I found a fic that clearly followed the plot of a fic written by astolat. A fic she written over 10 years ago, but still.

I made a comment saying, hey, this seems super similar to another fic I’ve read. did you get inspired by astolat?

And they said, ok yeah. Sorry, forgot to mark it as a remix. My bad, it’s fixed.

But I wonder if that author really did make a mistake, or were they trying to plagiarize astolat before getting caught? I’m not a fic writer, so I’m asking is forgetting to mark a fic as a remix actually an easy mistake to make?

Ps The notes says the fic is self-indulgent and written in just an hour, which makes me suspicious. “Self-indulgent” has the connotation that it came from only you, “written in an hour” makes me think you read it and rewrote it on an hour.

Do I have something, or am I just reading too much into this?

--

I think you have something, but I also wouldn't worry about it. Ideas are cheap. Execution is what matters.

I periodically run across fics where it looks like torture, but really, the characters are just undercover and it's a BDSM thing (little do the bad guys know). And one of them demands the other as payment at the end to get them out of there. I've written something more or less like this myself, though not pre-negotiated.

And if I know the author, I'll be like "So... that one QuiObi fic?" and they'll be like "Fuck yes!"

Unless I actually dug up what the hell the name of that fic was, reread it, and copied it a lot more closely, I'd never bother crediting it for such a basic trope any more than I'd credit the trope where one hero is like "What monster came up with this villain's trap???" and it turns out to be from the other hero's trashy novels.

(It's The Jewel of the Nile. It's always The Jewel of the Nile. In my fic. In every other Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty fic. Seriously, it's always this movie. An entire generation of viewers imprinted on that damn joke.)

Granted, this sounds like it was a lot more than just one trope, but even whole plots are a dime a dozen.

It wouldn't be surprising if they didn't think credit mattered that much or if they thought everyone would notice anyway because astolat is popular. Or maybe they were trying to get away with some shit. But even then, I can't work up much emotion over it because it's not the facts of astolat's plots that make people like her fic: it's the sum total of how she writes them.

I'm trying to think about why I don't usually care about this when I do care about the kind of nonfiction idea theft Hbomberguy did that video about. I think it's because most cases of the latter involve significantly more research to come up with the nonfiction idea, so there's a lot more pretense of intellectual work and originality. The plagiarist is citing the original researcher's sources as though they found them on their own.

For fiction, unless it's a barely-rephrased version of the original, it feels like much of the work was the actual writing of the prose, and the second author did do that themselves. They might have first encountered the tropes in a particular fic... but they weren't exactly very original there either.

I might feel differently if I read the actual fic in question though.

[swallowedbyfandom]

(Card with bouquet of yellow carnations)

Mr. B. Bridgerton,

After over two decades tied to one man riddled with vices, please be assured I am not in the market for another.

I implore you to never speak to me again. It is not necessary for us to do more than exchange polite greetings.

I rebuke you in the name of Jesus.

Never again,

Lady Featherington

Ben!

Did you take some of Colin's Grecian tea, again? What on earth did you do, to make Portia Featherington send you such a harsh message? Kate and mother literally winced when they saw the floral arrangement!

Did you make some sort of sexual overture at her? I cannot emphasize enough, how bad an idea it would be to take Portia Featherington as a mistress. Can you imagine the horrors Penelope and Colin would inflict on you?

You should avoid mother for a while. Lady Featherington sent her a letter to clear up any confusion. Mother did not share the letter but she was mortified and muttering darkly under her breath after reading it. Be wary, brother.

Wishing you were a civilized being,

Ant

Dear Violet,

I am hoping to clear up any issues before they arise. I AM NOT, I REPEAT, NOT INTERESTED IN TAKING YOUR SECOND SON AS MY PARAMOUR. I am aghast that your ridiculous boy seems to believe I am the sort of Lady who would go around inviting children into my bed! Heavens, the hubris of your son to think a friendly gesture is some sort of covert invitation.

Yesterday I gave your Benedict a pillow the midwives recommended Penelope use after birthing the twins. She had an extra one here. My thought process was that be could use such a thing to ease his discomfort. He kept squirming about his seat when he waited for Colin and the twins to join us for tea. I only meant to be a good host! Your whore son began a long winded spiel on how given his recent injury he did not believe we could possibly perform such an illicit act together. When I politely asked what in all of creation he meant, your son proceeded to wax poetic about such filth. I was forced to flee my own home in sheer horror. It is unspeakable Violet. I do not know what type of people your son has learned such depravity from but I want no part of it.

I have taken six baths and gotten completely foxed thrice and still I cannot rid myself of the shame of hearing such blasphemy. What the hell is wrong with your son? I shall pray for his soul.

Regards,

Portia

Benedict Benjamin Bridgerton,

When I get my hands on you! I shall wash your mouth out with soap. I will not protect you from whatever justified, revenge Lady Featherington is currently plotting. If Portia Featherington of all people deemed something utterly unspeakable, I know whatever you said must be truly appalling.

I feel it only fair to warn you that Portia asked Penelope for Eloise's current mailing address. I am positive you deserve whatever those two are going to plan for you. I s it too much to ask for a single season without scandal? How am I to ever marry you off to a decent lady? If you insist on behaving like a feral Tom cat in heat?

I am sure I will regret asking however, what did you think the pillow meant?

Regretfully,

Your mother

Mother,

This is all an awful misunderstanding. I assumed that if she managed to keep Lord Featherington out of the brothels for a solid decade then she must be more adventurous then she appears. How was I to know she did not realize what her gesture meant?

I am a Gentleman I would never have spoken on such a topic if I knew she was innocent on such things. I would have simply warned her that her gesture had different connotations in certain circles. You must understand that such pillows are often used for recovery after a rather taboo act.

I will apologize and make amends as soon as possible. I am currently going to look at some properties in the country. I am dodging Colin's attempts to avenge Lady Featherington's honor. I will keep in touch.

Love,

Ben

Ben,

You can run but you cannot hide. The longer you drag this out the angrier I shall become. My wife is with child once more, so I cannot be distracted by hunting you down.

Let us handle this quickly and quietly. Name a time and place so that I may punch you in your mouth.The punch is nonnegotiable. You accused my mama of wanting to engage in acts of sodomy with you! You absolute scoundrel. She is our family! There is no earthly reason for you to believe she would ever offer you such a thing!

Disguised with you,

Col

Ant,

Please send me the invoice for the replacement of all of Benedict's trousers, when it comes in. I am ashamed to admit that in a fit of hormonal anger I may have broken into Ben's home and cut the crotch out of every pair of trousers he owns. I am sure his staff will soon discover my misdeeds and send word to you.

Can we please keep this quiet? I am terribly embarrassed to have reacted in such a childish manner.

Shamefaced,

Pen

Sister,

I so adore your mischief. Think of it no more, that is a hilarious prank. I shall have new trousers commissioned but I will leave the altered ones in place so he can discover them himself.

Do not concern yourself with the invoice. Benedict can afford to pay for his lapse in good sense.

Fondly,

Ant

[annbourbon]

Soul, Dolls & Eyes

In one of my last posts I explained what a Name is, what I did not explain because I was leaving it for another time, was the soul. In my defense I thought it was not a concept to be explained in depth, but as I checked out xXxHolic again I realized of my mistake. It is indeed a concept I need to explain because for starters, it differs from one culture to another~ and secondly, the soul is linked as a concep to dolls and eyes, which is why the post will delve into it as well. So let's start!

What's a soul? The concept is vague and long at most but I'll leave you something in the links for you to read and I'll focus on the basics:

A soul it's a spiritual or immaterial part of a human being or animal, regarded as immortal.~ Google

You got that? Cool, neither did I lol luckily for us then they put this as an example, "they believe death is just one step in a soul's journey through the universe"

and complete with:

a person's moral or emotional nature or sense of identity.

Sense of identity. Name. Which make us come back to it in a sense. But not quite. Hold on.

If you give someone your name, they can take your soul. If you give them your birthday, they can control your life."

~ Ichihara Yuuko, CLAMP

There's a concept of a person's name being linked to their soul or identity. And is a belief deeply rooted in many cultures and spiritual traditions around the world. This is because a name is more than just a label; it is a unique identifier that carries a person's essence, their spirit, or even a piece of their soul.

In Egyptian mythology, the name was considered a powerful part of the afterlife. The Ka, or spiritual double, was often associated with the name. The Hebrew Bible often emphasizes the significance of names. For instance, names were changed to reflect a new identity or destiny. Many Native American traditions believe that a person's name holds spiritual power and is connected to their life path.

Some astrological traditions believe that a person's name is connected to their birth chart and influences their personality. While many spiritual practices emphasize the importance of a person's name as a symbol of their identity and connection to the divine. In numerology (The study of numbers and their meanings) often associates a person's name with their character and destiny.

And as I explained in my other post, names do hold a lot of power within fairy folklore. You can be controlled or control someone's over a name, and even bargain something over. So, yes, the belief that a person's name holds power is not only rooted in ancient cultures and spiritual traditions but also in the magical world of fairies.

One thing to notice is that the concept changes in XxXHolic, as Yuuko does not takes possession over someone's life but someone's dearest habit, or something they really are fond of, it can be a laptop, a sword, or blood. Anything but their life. Because life it's very precious and very difficult to pay back, and in terms of balance, and karmic laws, it would take a real toll, so she definitely tries to avoid it. This is why some people think she plays human chess when in truth all she does is placing responsibilities where they need to be.

Dolls

Dolls were used as playthings back in the day too but they also had another connotation~ and they were used in ceremonials. So in some cultures people ended up believing that a doll is or was like an empty vessel where some "souls" end up residing.

Animism would be one of this, a belief that inanimate objects have a spiritual or supernatural essence. This can lead to the idea that dolls, as objects created by humans, can be imbued with life or spirit.

So dolls, especially old or unusual ones, can be seen as mysterious or unsettling. This can create a sense of unease or fear, which may be attributed to the presence of a supernatural entity. Children imagination can also help to keep these ideas running, my mom tells me that when she was a kid there was a song about dolls coming back to life and she often recalls how scared she was. Even now lol I had to create an account on Reddit because my friend wouldn't, as she was really embarrassed about it, and wanted to ask about a doll, and the answers people gave to me were really funny because they really thought the doll could have been something demonic. So all this can contribute to the idea that dolls can be inhabited by spirits or souls.

And even though there's no scientific evidence to support these beliefs, many cultures have folklore or superstitions about dolls being haunted or cursed. These stories can reinforce the belief that dolls can be inhabited by supernatural entities.

Another big one related to this is hoodoo. And yes, they are related. In a way at least. While I'm not gonna talk a lot about it here's a rundown:

Animism is the belief that inanimate objects, such as plants, animals, inanimate objects, and even natural phenomena, possess a spiritual or supernatural essence. It's a widespread belief found in many indigenous cultures around the world.

Hoodoo is a form of African American folk magic that incorporates elements of various spiritual traditions, including those of West Africa, Native American, and European cultures. While Hoodoo has its own unique practices and beliefs, it often incorporates animistic principles. Both traditions emphasize the importance of honoring ancestors and connecting with the spiritual world. Talismans and charms are often used in both animism and Hoodoo to protect against evil or attract good fortune. These objects are believed to contain the spiritual power of the materials used to create them.

Hoodoo practitioners may use a person's name in spells or rituals to influence their life or behavior. This reflects the belief that a person's name is connected to their spiritual essence. While Hoodoo is a complex tradition with its own unique practices and beliefs, its roots in animism and other spiritual traditions are evident. The belief in the spiritual power of nature and the interconnectedness of all things is a central theme in both animism and Hoodoo.

So why am I talking about this? Because Animism and Hoodoo do have connections to names and souls.

Names are identifiers of spiritual essence: In many cultures, a person's name is seen as a powerful identifier of their spiritual essence or soul. This belief is often found in animistic traditions, where names are believed to have a spiritual significance.

gif by @akuman0mi

Using a name is giving power to it. This is especially true when we talk about hoodoo practice although not exclusive of it. So as you can see while the specific practices and beliefs may vary, the connections between names, souls, and spiritual traditions like animism and hoodoo are evident. These concepts often intersect in ways that reflect the belief in the power of the human spirit and the interconnectedness of all things.

Possession of the Doll/Player

The following is not really mine but more a mix of ideas from the video I have left to you in the links for you in case you're interested, along with some of my thoughts.

One of the first things I noticed when watching this video is how the bad endings on Cheritz do talk about Anxious Attachment a lot. From the perspective of the player becoming exactly what Coraline should avoid, a poppet, a doll. Like, the Doll in Neil Gaiman's Coraline serves as a symbol of the protagonist's journey into the Other World, a twisted reflection of her own reality. And that is exactly what MC is to us players. MC is our doll. It's funny because I have talked to some of my friends who even knowing this, and knowing it is a bad ending, knowing the psychological connotations behind all this, they still choose to have buttons for eyes and become a doll for Jumin or V for example.

I was astounded at first and I did tried to correct them but I remember there's a quote from Yuuko Ichihara that says:

People can wish for anything. Happiness or unhappiness. No matter what kind of choice you made, it was the result you chose... as long as you're not regretting the result, it is all right.

So in the end these attachment styles are actually a thing I have observed in many people so I don't think it's all bad to take a moment and put it here.

Why? What does it has to do with anything in the Cheritzverse? And more specifically, because this was not supposed to be an analysis, right? What does it has to do with Souls? Names and Eyes? Or Dolls?

Well~ if you put the video on the minute 26:17 you're gonna have the answer right away. But I'm gonna type it here too for the sake of consistency lol although I do invite you to watch it all because it's a great input not only on Coraline but on many other aspects.

Possession as motif. Not being loved:

Because, possession is not love. Possession is not a relationship. It's not an interaction of two different people where they can challenge you or push you or have disagreements.

Possession is only to have a thing. To hold. And to keep it still. And to STOP it from EVER leaving their side. It takes away the power.

But you cannot manufacture engagement.

This does reminds me a bit of Labyrinth speech when Sarah takes her brother back from the King of the Goblins, and she says, you have no power over me.

Because through the whole movie we have been led to think Jareth, in Labyrinth or The Other Mother in Coraline, love them more, more than anything, even more than their own parents. That's crazy! But because they give them everything they, Sarah and Coraline want, we think as they want us to think.

Why would anybody give you so many wonderful things unless they did care about you?

And as you can see this is why I decided to leave the quotes. Because it does talks about us as players, and also MC as character. In Coraline, the Doll can be considered as a doppelganger, that mirrors her appearance but lacks her essence. Or even as a symbol of the soul: This represents the idea that while the body can be replicated, the soul, or the unique essence of a person, cannot.

And to have your soul is what they want. All of them. This is why I have a weird feeling around the Cheritzverse, because I think there's a lot of eerie similarities between Coraline and The Cheritz games

image found on Pinterest

The idea of Dolls coming to life in Nameless while it's appealing to a certain degree, it's also creepy when they take care of our protagonist because it might also seem the other way around. After all, like a Queen Bee, our MC is unaware to be trapped, because of how much power it seems to have, so they do not seem to understand that the colony might change of mind at any given time. In both, Coraline and Nameless, the dolls play a significant role. Although the poppet feeling will not leave the player shall this pay attention. And Mystic Messenger is not shying away from it either. For starters, the MC has no eyes. Has no name either. And no memories. In several of the bad endings we get stripped from our power. Wether it's by drugs, or by the guys making us prisoners. Well, making the MC, prisoner. Not us, not exactly. And according to some parts of the games, they know this. I mean they even break the 4th wall, in an attempt to reach us, the real player. We're gonna get there, because this has a reason, I just need another post for that.

The Ssum has basically no MC at all. And by that I mean, the 5 choices are never truly displayed. So the identity is never mistaken. It's us. We're even given enough choices to go along with our own weather, and at several points, it's said that we're not even in the same dimension. So the choices mark a true difference between the world they are and ours, making it even more difficult, not to mention outright impossible for us to meet. The supernatural element is always present. The Angel is nothing more than an addendum.

In Coraline, the doll acts as a gateway to the Other World. But if you think Coraline is the only one with a similar thematic, it's not. Even though not quite the same, The Velveteen Rabbit and Pinocchio offer similar ideas for when we talk about poppets and dolls. It is the idea of being loved vs. the idea of being possessed. Being real, does not equals that, because, as it's said in the quote, possession, it's not the same, if you cannot talk back, argue, have disagreements over...

One of the things I don't think people understand enough about disagreements, it's that, conflict, disagreements, not being in your comfort zone, pushing each other, it's what makes you grow. Now, there are differences between doing it in a healthy way, and doing it just for the sake of bullying someone. But when it's done in a certain way, it's amazing. I'm gonna leave the TED talk about that cause it seriously changed my perspective. Even though it dereails on the topic, lol I'm sorry. Anyways back to the topic~

In some traditions, fairies are seen as guardians of souls or intermediaries between the human world and the spiritual realm. They may be responsible for guiding souls to the afterlife or protecting them from evil spirits.

Souls are after all the essence of a person, the core of a person's being, their unique identity. Which is why when a fairy gains control over a person's name, they may be seen as gaining influence over their soul or essence. (After all I already said that fairies do not have the same concepts as us humans~)

IMHO It is because they feel seen. They feel real. They feel valid, that, Coraline is able to defeat The Other Mother. The Velveteen Rabbit becomes an actual rabbit and Pinocchio comes back, saves his father and all the things that could have ended up in a catastrophic way, end up well. If you still don't understand, the karmical laws are interconnectedness, and creating your own reality. Although you can only create your own reality so far, because of interdependence and interconnectedness. Talking about that~

The Eyes: Windows to the Soul

What is the connection between soul and eyes? Some people believe there's power in the eyes, as in magic powers that you can store in them. See Fye and Syaoran as reference.

The belief that the eyes hold power or are connected to the soul is a concept deeply rooted in many cultures and spiritual traditions.

This idea often comes from believing the eyes are reflection or windows of the Soul. Sometimes called mirrors. They are believed to reflect a person's inner thoughts, emotions, and character. In Jane Austen's era there was a lot of hype for countenance. Which in a way can be also applied to this. (I left a video on the links section in case you're interested, but by context it's easy to understand too~) As the eyes are our first tool when expressing emotions, conveying joy, sadness, anger, and love. This connection between emotions and the eyes could reinforce the idea that they are windows to the soul. Moreover in some spiritual traditions, the eyes are believed to be centers of spiritual energy or power. This energy can be used for various purposes, such as healing, divination, or influencing others.

Some cultures, believed the eyes are/were seen as a direct connection to the divine or a higher power. Which can give the eyes a mystical or sacred quality. In that same context many cultures have beliefs about the evil eye, a malevolent gaze that can cause harm or misfortune. Back in the day "witches" and "wizards" were burnt for it. Since hypnosis and mesmerism often involved intense eye contact, it was suggested that the eyes can exert influence over others. And while there is no scientific evidence to support the idea that the eyes possess magical or supernatural powers, one does wonder why precisely the eyes was the foundation for Rika's Cult, or the reason behind the attack towards V's eyes. Especially when it's connected to more poignant clues as it is his birthday flower, or his attacks towards the RFA~

On the other side of the coin we have MC/Player in MM who has been stripped of her own eyes unlike in Nameless and Dandelion.

Take as an example, Coraline. When Beldam demands that Coraline replace her own eyes with her doll's buttons. The act would leave Coraline unable to leave the Other World, stripping away Coraline's freedom, unique identity and connection to the real world. Coraline's refusal to give up her eyes signifies her resistance to the Beldam's control and her determination to maintain her true self. The eyes, as the windows to the soul, represent her individuality and her ability to make choices. Ability that our MC, lacks of. 606.

The Eyes are a symbol of identity and connection, the fact that our MC is depicted without eyes can be interpreted as a symbol of vulnerability, dependence on others, and a lack of control over one's own destiny. And in a way it is. Her destiny is always reliant on the choices we players make. The fact that she lacks of memories could be seen as a similar symbol of loss of control and identity to Bedlam's attempts of controlling Coraline.

The doll, the soul, and eyes are interconnected as symbols through several stories, that explore the themes of identity, choice, and the dangers of temptation and the ability to resist to those and to stay true to oneself it's something we need to keep practicing but, ultimately the choice is ours.

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Links:

♡ Soul

♡ Full concept of Soul according to egyptians

♡ Dolls - Wiki

♡ Animism

♡ Hoodoo

♡ Sympathetic Magic

♡ Gris-Gris

♡ Nkondi

♡ Annabelle

♡ Why Magic Matters

♡ Beauty of Conflict

♡ The Velveteen Rabbit

♡ Countenance

♡ For Women, Against Women: An Argumentative Essay About The Ssum's Failure

♡ Coraline Attachment Theory (Video)

⋆ ₊ ﾟ ☽ * ₊ ⋆⋆ ₊ ﾟ ☽ * ₊ ⋆⋆ ₊ ﾟ ☽ * ₊ ⋆⋆ ₊ ﾟ ☽ * ₊ ⋆

Credits to:

@akuman0mi

[spamtoon]

DCRC PKNA Week 11--Silicon Time!

thankfully our little book club break has meant i've had enough time to rest, get into what is potentially a new hyperfix, and feel motivated to read paperinik! ...and um ducks on the road. at some point that's not now.

you know what. im feeling ultra relaxation for this issue let's go to the cove. nevermind i got distracted and entered the pizza parlor

angus fangus cosplay

starting off and first of all i have to say dear lord. the airport experience is indeed horrendous as someone who has been on an airplane recently the sign "clogged toilets delay flights" baffled me. like i understand why but im also like okay. the toilet is clogged. there are two toilets per plane surely the line woudlnt get that long

im gonna be real i thought big nosed human guy was gonna be exclusive to silicon. like i didnt think he would just. also show up here

the idea that angus fangus hasn't had a day off makes me wonder like. was the new zealand thing last issue technically a work trip despite the fact he was there to save his tribe. because if so that rules

it's nice getting to see scrooge again despite the fact he's probably gonna be written out of the story. i missed him

thought he was wiping his sweat with his money for a second here i'm goign to be so honest. and in the second panel he's sillouetted for no reason it amuses me. i mean i know why hes threatening to ruin donald and uno's situationship but he doesn't know he's doing that

i love you chilling in purple shirt donald

i love their little dumb mirco-bickers. they're so domestic

rip to whatever italian pun was lost in translation here. unless there was no pun and donald is just like ughhhhhhhhhh because he does not care

hi little drink serving robot... these things did exist in the 90s but they were very very basic and mostly for flash. which is why it would absolutely get on the news when the only other news is its hot. donald's pose and uno's response is also so cute im. who would have expected comic silicon would have Uno Content

ohohohohoho... oh no, how tragic! how tragic it would be if a certain robot enjoyer skipped to the next town over for this specific day--nevermind he's on vacation too he's at the supervillain convention in florida (SORRY)

cog these car panels are cool... i am once again praising paperinik action moments

rest in peace all the computers at duckburg technofinancial im glad they at least got a viking funeral

it feels so werid to see angus fangus in a tank top and shorts. he belongs in a trenchcoat. and i just

the way he gazes into the distance makes this panel feel so much more contemplative than it actually is i love it

i love how the evronians have a whole division that's job is just. to deal with xadhoom. who is presumably killing evronians off camera all the time

i hope its a story where its the computer in the tower that did it like we saw in the start but he's just messing around. he's just like hi uno!!! :) remember when ducklair made you i was there when you were born uno and he's like oh BROTHER this guy STINKS !

:// i know the computer literally said the evronians might be useful but like i saw computer wanting to use the spore hatchlings and i was so dissappointed. especially disappointed that he wants to shut uno down. i think. at least i assume its a computer hence the name silicon if it was silicon and it wasnt even a computer there was a guy in front of it i would be SO dissappointed but im pretty sure its the first ducklair sentient technology at this point

i have absolutely zero thoughts about this robot rhyno thing its just an important enough detail i have to bring it up. actualy i do have a thought and its look at him. he's so fucking stupid looking. neutral connotation ITS FUCKING DUE AGAIN? FUCK OFF DUE. i gaslighted myself into thinking we were gonna get a different computer but no. okay. alright

of all the villains to figure out donald's secret identity im so. two. of course. not that he's going to get it i dont know if they'd go that route but

im gonna be so real after his introduction issue i fulyl expected them to never use due again

this panel si so dramtic (i LOVE the rainbow windows) but out of context its just like TWO !!!! im so mad

i know its the 90s but i like how it was confirmed later in ducktales 2017 if due did launch donald like that it wouldn't have done anything as long as he thought about the triplets (or maybe uno in this case) hard enough. our bravest man on two worlds... (yes i know they're different donalds)

IM SO MAD donald just kinda handwaving away the duck avenger's inveolvement. they hate each other so much

im so mad the way he's just. at channel 00 news now. due and the evronians deserve to be fighting each other for a while i think

and that was silicon!! i enjoyed seeing more of uno but i was disappointed the computer turned out to be. due again. but maybe im just a little loser who always wants a new robot OOPS i miss lyla lay hopefulyl we see her next issue considering we're going back to channel 00. hoepfully she had a really good vacation while this was all giong on

[hatari-translations]

Refuge (official English production of Griðastaður) - review

A while back, Matthías's play Griðastaður was staged in English at the New Nordics festival in London, in a professional translation by Philip Roughton. Being that I had previously translated the play myself, I was always interested in the proper professional translation, but I never got around to watching it until today (a friend recorded the stream when it happened). Various thoughts and rambling below!

First, let's talk about the title for a moment! Refuge and Sanctuary are both valid translations of Griðastaður; Philip Roughton went with the former and I went with the latter, which is handy for distinguishing the two translations. When I wrote my translation I don't think the word refuge actually came to mind for the title - but I did find sanctuary and its connotations of sacredness metaphorically appropriate to how it's used in the play, where IKEA isn't simply an arbitrary place to escape to but somewhere that feels very personally important to Lárus (he doesn't literally consider it sacred, of course, but sanctuary is often used in senses where it's not literally sacred). I definitely won't claim it's a better translation than Refuge, particularly since Matthías presumably gave his personal blessing to Refuge as the English title, but I think I do stand by why I went with Sanctuary myself.

Overall it's, of course, just a different translation of the same play. I was amused to hear some turns of phrase that Roughton had translated identically or more or less identically to what I'd come up with, and noted various places where he came up with something I really liked that's definitely better than what I did (the prisoners of war in the POW camps who keep taking care of themselves were "happy campers", which is amazing; "quite absolutely stone-cold dead" was good; loved "I'd look like a twat" about going back against the traffic through IKEA), and a couple spots where I still kind of prefer mine. I noticed there were lots of general inconsequential script changes, compared to the filmed Icelandic version on the Academy of the Arts website that I translated - the order of some sentences changed, little bits that got removed, references to things swapped out for references to other things. I don't know if these were tweaks Matthías made before the public Icelandic run, or after, or if some might be liberties taken by the translator, or if either Jörundur Ragnarsson or Martin Donaghy slightly mixed up lines somewhere - it doesn't really matter at all, but worth noting! I suspect Matthías made at least a lot of these tweaks, though.

Somewhat unusually, the character names are all localized - Lárus is Laurence, Guðrún is Loreen, his mom Stefanía is Stephanie - but the setting is not. They're still talking about the IKEA in Garðabær and about the Griljera stove that costs 160,000 krónur. I think that's a bit of an odd combination - if we're still set in Iceland, why do we have a Laurence and a Loreen? The Q&A afterwards indicated they'd gone back and forth a bit on whether the setting should be localized or not, which gives me the impression perhaps the translator originally fully localized it and then in the end the director made a call on swapping the setting back to Iceland while still keeping Philip Roughton's character names.

The one more noteworthy actual script change is that instead of talking about a Chinese guy, Laurence just talks about the Deodorant Man. He's not from any particular country, just vaguely from the opposite side of the planet, and Laurence doesn't try to imitate any kind of accent or dialect even for two sentences. I think that's definitely a good call, as a cultural translation and in general - Lárus being a little bit racist wasn't really contributing anything that mattered to the narrative, and I like the choice to make him Deodorant Man a lot; it identifies him better as the guy from that story and makes the identifying reason Laurence made him up into the important thing, which just fits. Deodorant Man unfortunately wouldn't exactly have flowed off the tongue in Icelandic where svitalyktareyðismaðurinn is nine whole syllables (maðurinn með svitalyktareyðinn sounds a bit better but is ten syllables), but in English that's absolutely the best thing to call him, A+ on that.

The direction is definitely a bit different from how Matthías directed it himself, and Martin Donaghy plays Laurence a bit differently from Jörundur Ragnarsson's Lárus. Lárus is more neatly dressed and has a more repressed, nervous, intensely awkward nerd vibe, where Martin's performance is more energetic and he feels like a more folksy, average sort of guy (apart from the bits where he's being a total weirdo, of course). It doesn't totally change how his character comes across like in the early draft version, but it does make the overall vibe feel a bit different - not in a bad way, mind! This will always be the case to some extent when different actors interpret the same character.

Refuge definitely plays the bit about the spiders like in the draft version, where the imaginary spiders attack as he's talking to Deodorant Man, and he acts out the whole action scene of trying to escape from the spiders (there's a silly James Bond reference in the staging), where Jörundur Ragnarsson played it completely differently, just standing and not really acting it out, more like a kid playing with action figures or an adult playing along with one. That bit is weird and comes across weirdly in the Icelandic version, and is probably more coherent and works better as it's staged here (but still a bit weird). Given here it's more similar to the draft version, I'm curious if it was largely down to Jörundur wanting to play it the way he did.

On the other hand, in other bits I feel like the Icelandic version and Jörundur Ragnarsson's performance were more effective. I kind of miss the fake PowerPoint, which added a bit of humour to that contemplation. And I liked how he played the employee who approaches Lárus in the staged bathroom, how much like a genuine employee he sounds in his polite prodding about whether there's anything he can help him with and how subtly awkward he is about Lárus throwing the bit about his mom at him, compared to the kind of flat speaker-voice in Refuge.

Perhaps most significantly, my favorite sequence of the play is the bit where Lárus gets the message about his mom's death, curls up on the shelves until after closing, then imagines the encounter with the security guard, then suddenly feels really hungry and goes on this manic little trip to the cafeteria where he gets worked up about food waste before he finally goes to the bathroom and calms down. In Matthías's original direction, and Jörundur's performance, I thought this whole sequence worked really well and was emotionally effective. We actually see him curl up inside a shelf, looking small and vulnerable as the lights dim. We hear him sniffle quietly for a few dark minutes as slow, mournful music plays, getting a sense of the six hours he spends there like that. Then he gets up slowly and talks about how quiet it is, that he's all alone in IKEA, flatly repeats the message about his mom (showing it/his impression of it is burned into his mind and he's still thinking about it), and then starts imagining the security guard coming to throw him out - where at first he's pleading and trying to explain himself but then takes it all out in a desperate violent power fantasy where he beats up the security guard, manically threatens him into calling him the king of IKEA, and then continues to beat him half to death... before having a silent, abrupt 'what the fuck' moment and immediately redirecting all that tortured energy into going down to the cafeteria and getting viciously angry about that instead before he finally manages to actually cool off in the bathroom. It's an intense emotional progression of grief redirected into helpless anger and rage and I love it a lot.

So, in part this is definitely just me disliking that they took the thing I liked and changed it, I know, I know. But in Refuge, he simply climbs behind a bit of the set and only pauses for maybe a second after saying he was there for six hours. There's no moment of broken vulnerability, no curling up like a child, no dimmed lights or music, just him standing there, moving on from saying he was up on the shelf for six hours to talking about the silence. Martin does a good job on the security guard bit, and I particularly like how well he does the body language of having his hands wrestled behind his back without anyone there, but during the assault he plays the security guard in a very exaggeratedly pathetic, squeaky-voiced kind of way which I feel like makes it all cartoonier and detracts from the fantasy brutality of it a bit - it is fair and absolutely a valid acting choice that makes sense when Laurence is imagining this power fantasy, but it's just not quite as effective to me.

And instead of proceeding straight from there to him abruptly realizing he's hungry and going down to the cafeteria, this production inserts a sequence where Laurence grabs a curtain, puts it on like a cape, takes a paper crown on a pillow, and crowns himself king of IKEA while Sigur Rós plays, before he declares he's hungry and goes to the cafeteria. Which is amusing and all, but it completely breaks the continuity there! Suddenly it isn't that he's still in that manic worked-up state where he imagined that security guard encounter; he's just mad about the food waste, I guess. Similarly, where Jörundur was clearly cooling down in the bathroom, catching his breath, going, "Okay. Okay," at himself, in this version he more just seems to go there to pee, takes one deep breath and appears more just relieved to empty his bladder than anything else.

And... when Lárus is in the bathtub, eating his chicken salad, he says, "What was that. What was that." In context, the way he delivers it, he's asking what that was - that whole bonkers emotional outburst about the imaginary security guard and the food. It's clearly that, because he repeats it a couple times to himself with blank exhaustion but no surprise. He's still cooling down from a breakdown, a little freaked out at himself. He goes on from there to remind himself that there's nobody there, that the security guard was imaginary.

Laurence, on the other hand, goes "What was that?!" in a startled way, like he's just heard something that freaked him out. Which is a valid reading of the script, you could even read his subsequent comment about there not being a soul around in relation to that, but I feel like it's just a bit of a less interesting, less nuanced reading of the script.

He's also got the curtain cape and paper crown on all the way until Loreen leads him out of IKEA, which makes the interpretation of Laurence feel more distinctly childlike, not in a vulnerable way but a naïve, simplistic way, perhaps. I do think that's sort of a fair interpretation; a bit different, but definitely a reflection of real qualities he has in the script (the spider sequence definitely feels like something a child would make up). I'm not sure I'd personally associate the king of IKEA bit, which was part of a violent grief-induced rage power fantasy, with those qualities in him, though.

Finally - the bit where he rants to his mom about how everyone dies has a pause before he tells her he loves her, which is an interesting change to me because in the Icelandic version it just sort of slips out finally at the tail end of this rant about how everyone dies so fuck it, while this version makes it seem more conscious and considered on his part (which also makes it a little weirder that he then goes on to say "No, of course I didn't say that").

All in all, though, it was a lot of fun to see a different interpretation of the play and an actual professional translation of it! Despite all the niggles above, I thought Martin Donaghy's performance was great overall - different, but not worse. Similarly, I take issue with some of the direction, but other direction choices were great! Matthías talked in the Q&A about how seeing things in a different context is always revealing, and I think he's right - different interpretations of works always reveal different facets of them to explore.

[oddygaul]

LAIKA movies

Ira and I visited Seattle at the end of August, and happened upon the Laika exhibit at the Museum of Pop Culture. In the exhibit were tons of the sets, models, armatures, and clothing from all their movies. Seeing it all made me realize that for how much I’ve thought of Laika as an amazing studio and how impressive I thought Coraline and Kubo were… I’d actually only ever seen those two. So we decided to get caught up on the rest together, in release order.

ParaNorman

I felt nothing about this movie

The Boxtrolls

Damn, this one was great. I’m trying to remember why I never watched it; I think I must’ve just read the name and blurb and was uninterested. Clearly I never saw a trailer for it, because the setting and designs are gorgeous and incredibly unique. I love the fucked-up, stupid Cheese England setting, I love all of the costume design, I love the Boxtrolls themselves and how they move (especially the tandem platforming in the intro).

This one did strike me how it felt like a bridge between the more character-focused, close-in shots of Coraline (and ParaNorman) and the wide, sweeping landscape shots featured more heavily in Kubo (and Missing Link). While Coraline certainly had its large setpieces (the house is obviously iconic), it feels like this is the turning point where they started working more on showing off huge vistas to lend a larger sense of place to their worlds. The mountain cave Kubo and his mom live in was my ur-example of this; the lingering establishing shot of Cheesebridge from Boxtrolls now supplants it.

One of the things that stood out to me in the exhibit that I hadn’t considered much before was all the clothing. I guess, somehow, I imagined they were just part of the model, like you’d do in claymation… but in fact each character has separate, fully sewn and handcrafted outfits that are put onto and worn by the armatures. Seeing it in person was pretty incredible; there’s tons of tiny details nearly too small to see, let alone create, and lots of them seemed to be made with custom fabric / textiles to get the exact shades and patterns they wanted. With that fresh and front of mind, watching this movie was honestly pretty staggering. The texturework alone on the outfits of all the nobility and the snatchers…

Deborah Cook is the head costume designer at Laika, which I’m writing down here in hopes that I remember it.

Kubo and the Two Strings

I saw this one when it first came out, actually, and was somewhat disappointed. I think that while I liked the aesthetic, animation and action, I felt let down by the narrative and writing - I remember coming out of the movie thinking that every joke fell flat, all of the dialogue felt slightly off, and the wider narrative didn’t conclude in a way that felt particularly satisfying.*

Holy shit, it hit different seven years later.

I started to crack within the first five minutes, as Kubo tends to his catatonic mother who can’t even feed or clothe herself on her own anymore. Then, as night falls, she becomes alert enough to talk to him again, even if some of the words are wrong, even if she’s forgotten a thing or two, even if she can’t quite finish some of her sentences… and then as quickly as the lucidity came, it goes again, leaving her incommunicable. Why yes, certainly, as someone who in that seven year time gap has spent a lot of time dealing with a parent with Alzheimer’s, yes, that scene certainly did have a wholly different connotation to it, and yes, it certainly did immediately make me cry before even establishing much of the story’s premise.

The dialogue landed quite differently to me this time around, as well as the tone of the movie in general. I think my first impression may have just been an expectations issue; obviously animation doesn’t (and shouldn't) have to be aimed solely at younger audiences, but in western productions it almost always is, so I think I went in expecting a certain amount of levity. Instead, the movie is just intentionally pretty god damn serious the whole time. Monkey is grim nearly the whole movie - her introduction scene consists of her giving Kubo a sharp reality check and telling him there’s no more room for fuckups, and any jokes she gets to make are usually at someone else’s expense. Beetle has some great line deliveries that break the tension, but the jokes themselves are never laugh out loud funny.

The thing is, this kinda just makes sense - the leads are in a bad fucking situation and the movie takes it seriously. The movie is about Kubo, a child, who above all else Must Not Go Outside at night because his grandfather ripped his eyeball out and wants to rip out the other one, Going Outside Anyway and getting his entire village destroyed as a result. After spending the entire journey with Monkey and Beetle, he realizes they’re his parents only moments before they are killed in front of his eyes. The movie tries to end on an uplifting note by swelling the music and presenting an uplifting voiceover, but there’s really no getting around the fact that the closing shot is Kubo standing alone next to the ghosts of his two dead parents. What the fuck?

With this in mind, the tone and dialogue really worked for me this time. Monkey is dead serious, because she knows she’s dying and she has one last chance, with the time limit measured in days, to get her only son to safety. With that context, the stern demeanor, slight remove and awkward clip of their interactions fully click into place, and now I mostly just find myself impressed by how serious and genuine they managed to keep this story and still get it distributed.

*Well, and I also remember thinking it was criminal how little shamisen was actually used in the score, given that the main character is literally a goddamn shamisen bard - and despite acknowledging that it managed to be enough to be the reason I want to learn shamisen, I still fully stand by that criticism today. On rewatch, I will at least grant it that the Regina Spektor cover over the credits fucking slaps.)

Missing Link

After loving Boxtrolls and Kubo so much, I was really excited to get to this one and see what the most cutting-edge release of Laika’s had in store. Ultimately… disappointing?

After the absolutely killer opening sequence, I was all-in on the character of Sir Lionel Frost - from the intense Loch Ness Monster setpiece, the vibe I caught was a smarmy, uncaring exterior covering a heart of gold, a man who would fight through hell for his comrades despite his faults. Unfortunately, he then unrelentingly spends the entire rest of the movie being an intolerable piece of shit to every single person he’s around. It feels like a lot was cut from this movie, or it had some issues in the editing stage, because the character arcs felt more like character right angles, and none of the reconciliations or growth moments felt especially earned or natural to me.

Also, I found it odd to release a movie in 2019 about a racist, English colonialist explorer trope character and not really interrogate it much. It felt like they flirted with it a bit, with some of the monologues we get from the Society Chairman indicating he’s even worse than our lead, but the movie making Frost look good by comparison still doesn’t leave him looking especially good. I seriously felt like I was teleported into a movie from the 80s while watching the dinner scene with the yak cookies…yikes.

The action sequence in the tilting boat was great, though.

—

Unrelated to any specific movie, this was also the first time I really dug into Laika’s past as a studio and how exactly Travis Knight came to be CEO. I was previously aware that Travis Knight kinda forced his way in there via wealth, but figured, hey, he does seem to at least be a decent animator, and I have to applaud one of The Rich using their fortune to keep an incredibly niche artform alive rather than the multitudinous bullshit they usually use it for. After learning Laika was essentially formed from the ashes of the studio of one of claymation’s pioneers in a somewhat forceful takeover, though…

Well, I think the upshot for me is still largely the same, but it definitely does make me feel some sort of way now seeing Travis Knight be the one spotlighted in all the post-credits timelapses and featurettes, that’s for sure.

[faintvibes]

Historical Hetalia Day Two: 5000 BCE - 0

Day Two: 5000 BCE - 0 // Celebrations @historical-hetalia-week

My day two piece takes place in the Roman Republic, and this time features nyotalia! This one was a bit more of an experiment than the others, and so undoubtedly features more errors and timeline inconsistencies, but I'm taking those in stride :)

More about the process under the cut!!

So this is the image that's gone through the most revisions from concept to final idea. Originally, I wanted to focus on Prussia's early life, perhaps with Templar &/or Hospitaller (though Templar and nyo!Prussia are my day 7 piece, so if that interests you stay tuned!!), or something to do with the Baltic tribes in BCE, though I could never settle on something that pleased me...

Eventually, my idea drifted from them entirely, and to the Mediterranean. I have a tendency to speedrun writing/worldbuilding concepts (😅), so in the near month I spent considering this, my focus and ideas had shifted more to playing around with the Italy family. Specifically, I was curious about the relationship dynamics between Rome and her (in this instance) granddaughters. To memory, though I'm sure I'm not the most credible source on this, Rome shows a level of favouritism to North Italy- this is particularly interesting to me when tied into South Italy's Himaruya-approved name: Lovino, which could be connected to Rovino, which is from rovinare- which means to collpase/wreck. While we can't know when this name was adopted, the thought that Rome could've chosen it (or something along those lines) sure has some interesting connotations. Of course, the canon status of these names are easy to dispute, so it may not play into their canon relations at all!

(If you can't tell, I'm not here to play things exclusively by canon's playbook- though no hate if we differ on that front.)

Regardless, the idea of showing favouritism and uneven dynamics in the Italy family interested me, and various earlier sketches made this quite explicit. However, again, none of them really satisfied me, and I knew I wouldn't have fun fully drawing them out. So, though I kept this in mind, I started moving farther away from this as the main focus of the piece. Instead, I began leaning more towards family portraits- or something of that style. This brings me to the sketch that would become this illustration.

From here, the details came into play- and thus so does the inevitable inaccuracies. Ancient Rome has never really been my playground, so I'm unfamiliar with the rules. Some of my favourite books on historic fashion pay them some heed, but it is far from the focus. (And, at least in one, pretty much all of the Roman references are Roman recreations of Greek statues, so their credibility in regards to representing Roman fashion is questionable! And that's not mentioning all the French recreations of Roman dress, far after the Roman Empire's fall...) So while these were kept in mind, they weren't my main information sources this time 'round.

From James Laver's 'World of Art: Costume and Fashion', the following were referenced:

And from Panorama's 'A History of Fashion: Loincloths to Lycra' by Jacqueline Morley, David Salariya, etc:

(This one is directly where I took Rome's hair, veil and circlet from- though the rest have far less distinct influences on my piece)

Instead, the source I found most useful was 'How They Did it- Growing Up Roman' by Invicta on Youtube, and I will be scattering illustrations featured in the video amidst my explanation. While I'm unable to verify the sources of all these paintings, the video does itself credit a variety of sources:

Now, it's not specified when in Roman history these paintings are attempting to depict (or even if they are primary sources) nor the class of the people featured (though that, to a degree, can be interpreted) so, while I have used these to create my image, they may not entirely represent my desired vision. To research that to the desired degree would not be possible in such a short span of time (the extensive reworking and re-conceptualising process behind this piece left me with little time to actually complete it), so please bear with me, Roman historians.

The background is interpreted from this painting depicting the inside of a Roman estate:

The top left of the image is directly what I referenced for the background. As for the clothes of the characters...

Rome's was more of an attempt to mess around with the layering of Roman garments than based off anything in particular. Personally, I think it could be reworked in a future exploration of this period of fashion, but I'm glad to have attempted it- without that, I wouldn't be grated by how much it could be improved, because I wouldn't know!

As for North Italy, my main inspiration was a mix of these these lovely ladies (you may need to click on the images to properly see them):

I adored the colours on the second image, and took some inspiration from the shape of the other - though that's mainly hidden behind her grandmother! The addition of a flower crown (and the tree next to her where the flowers come from) is more drawn from lingering vestiges of the favouritism theme. Not only is Nth Italy's section in the image bigger than her older sister's, and she is behind Rome on the elder woman's right (emphasis on ROME'S right, NOT the right side of the illustration), implying a quite close connection. My idea behind the tree is that Rome went out of her way to get both girls a tree of their own in the garden. However, she got Nth Italy the tree that grows beautiful flowers in the spring, so that they can make flower crowns together. Sth Italy still got the tree as a gift, but not the extra level of thoughtfulness.

Talking about Sth Italy, let's move onto her clothes! She was mainly drawn from these women:

Again, adored the colours of the second image and liked the structure of the first outfit.

One other change to Sth Italy I'd like to point out is in regards to complexion. I'm aware he tends to be portrayed in canon as quite light-skinned (though I believe this is less the case in the manga?), however I've always been interested in his speculated Arabic and African roots. This ties into my headcanon about the forming of the two Italian siblings, which is detailed below. If you have no interest in that, here's your conclusion! I hope you found some interest in my ramblings :)

So, we know Nth and Sth Italy came to exist during Rome's rule- why? There are plenty of potential explanations, I'm sure, but I like to imagine it is because they originally represented the Roman territories of North Italy, and the Roman territories of South Italy respectively. Therefore, South Italy came to be either when the Italian peninsula was fully conquered by Rome in 264 BCE, or after they conquered Sicily in the First Punic War (in 212 BCE- though it was considered a province by 241 BCE). I choose the latter, which gives the opportunity for South Italy to be of Carthaginian (and thus Phoenician) heritage, giving a reason for their darker complexion. North Italy, I imagine, was born later on- for while Rome is said to have conquered the Italian peninsula in 264 BCE, this does not actually include the part of Italy where Venice would later be established- and so I don't count it as North Italy's birth year. Instead, I wait until the province of Cisalpine Gaul comes under Roman control by 191 BCE, which does include modern day Venice! This Gallic heritage is also where I get North Italy's fairer skin from- considering I make Rome more in between both of their grandchildren's skin tones.

And there is my explanation! If you made it this far, I greatly appreciate it!! Comment/reblog with an Italian flag if you'd like to show that ;)

Criticism/feedback is greatly welcomed, especially the aspects of Roman fashion I definitely want to learn more about! (Why did no one ever tell me the colours are so pretty?? Ough I want to wear them so bad)

[yomiurinikei]

hibiki for the ask meme (annie)

I TYPED ALL THIS UP FOREVER AGO THEN. never uploaded it. it’s just been in my drafts.

cw for mentions of the god awful ship (not /pos and it’s not brought up by name) + brief mentions of her canon trauma and my desire for it to be handled differently (not in depth/explicit)

everything after this read more was written forever ago i don’t even really recall what’s there i just skimmed it for cws

hi annie!!!!! we have the same brain huh (both asked for biki..)

my identity hc for them

just a little girl. uhhhh ya okay. obligatory 'this is an au where things were. not good but Better' disclaimer, im gonna handle this whole post under the context of. i do what i want and what i want is for hibiki to be okay. she's still a system just because of abuse at the hands of her parents which was exacerbated by kanade being toxic. not uh. yeah.

aaaanyways. she's very nonbinary to me!!! i think she likes like.. all the labels. nonbinary trans genderqueer and one hundred million thousand microlabels. she prolly rbs a ton of incoherent "i am like if a bead rolled underneath a industrial refrigerator before eventually being sucked up into a vacuum, slipped out of the garbage onto the ground where it slowly sunk into the earth was a girl but also not a girl" posts.

also i think she's questioning her sexuality/how she experiences attraction but she like. loves loves having qpps. to her its like... a great sign of friendship but also she wants to signify that shes very close with a lot of people. its a high honor but not a rare one to receive. her relationship with it is just like. i have someone who is very dear to me but without any sort of romantic or familial connotations how lovely and cool this is, how happy it makes me <3. she's just chilling!!!

Thoughts on their home life/family

ooogh. okay. actually i never included this in the ask meme. mm,,, how do i want to handle this. hm. i thiiink.. hibiki and kanade deserve some time to be estranged from each other. obvi this is again, within how i choose to write them. so i dont think this will be a relatable take. buuuut yeah. sometimes the best thing for siblings is to not be siblings for a bit. if anyone asks they just share a last name but have no relation. i think that would be good

i have a very normal relationship with my siblings (<- only child who used to be a younger sibling. that is what i am choosing.)

How i feel about their canonical writing/handling

mmmm,, she is so so so fucking system and i really wish she belonged to anyone but linuj. do u guys remember when i said hm maybe the otono twins were abused by their parents and thats why kanade took control of the situation by hurting the one person she could who would always have to be around her? and then a few months later linuj was like oh kanade is just born evil shes inherently bad because i think thats fun and cool^^ ? i remember. i remember very well.

i think,, hibiki was just ultimately underused. and like. it sucks and was bullshit what happened but also i Understand it within what it did narratively. even if i think linuj kinda dicked up the way it couldve affected the tone of the game. buuut. really the largest disservice that happened was like. the way she ultimately had no agency. according to linuj, no matter what, kanade would be Like That, and hibiki would get hurt, and the end. im not saying what happened to her was her fault, thats not what i mean when i say she has no agency, i mean. there was no in universe reason for what happened, not at the end of the day. she was doomed from conception in and out of universe and it just sucks and makes her feel flat because u cant even go what if not without completely ignoring the way linuj writes a wholeass character. hoping that all makes sense?

buuut yeah. tldr. she couldve been vv well written and handled well, even with her ultimate fate staying the same. but by admitting there's absolutely no way hibiki could have made it out okay, not even a "well, the cards would never line up like this, but if x had happened, and then y, then kanade would've fucked off", but making it that no matter what, kanade is gonna do what she did. it just kinda leaves a bad taste about things

The one thing i’d want to make canon about them

she actually is a person who exists outside of what kanade did <3. yes she has that puppet state sure whatever but also she's part of a system and has alters and one of them is "puppet state" but the others have hopes and desires and likes and etc etc.

My number one favorite ship for them

going off earlier, just assume all these ships are qpps <3! her and setsuka have a really fun relationship. cop out answer but ya know

…Now everyone else i ship with them

i like sora and hibiki!

The thing i will NEVER ship

ignoring the Obvi. i can’t think of anyone? again using ships here to mean like. hibiki having bestie-isms, i think she’s p shippable. she’s fun and friend shaped!

a dynamic/relationship i wish was explored more (in canon, or in fandom)

uhhh i agree w/you she and nikei would be silly. they deserve to be character who is like :D but is then like D:< together.

thoughts on their design (appearance-wise)

hair so pretty eyes so pretty. kinda weird colors

A music-related thought- a song that reminds me of them, or what their music taste is, etc

dreamin chuchu always makes me think of her i cannot explain why