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writeonwhiskey · 3 days ago

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act like you love me: ch 9

a/n: ahhh, it's finally here! lots happening this chapter, buckle tf up! word count: 5.3k tracklist: Behind the Light [ fic master list ]

WEEK 9

Today’s schedule is light—just some shots for the intro sequence and a round of promotional photos in the afternoon. You’re in the hair and makeup trailer with Felix—Yuna, Minho and Han left to scrounge up some snacks from craft services.

“I have a weird, kind of lame question…” you say.

“What’s up?” he asks, dabbing at the corner of your eye with a sponge.

“Can we take a picture together? I’m supposed to start building my social media more and I’m not permitted to share stuff from set…but I think I could get away with something of you and I.”

Felix blinks, then smirks. “Insignificant Felix to the rescue?”

Your heart sinks. “Oh, God. That came out wrong. That’s not what I meant, I—”

He rests a reassuring hand on your shoulder, catching your eyes in the mirror. “I’m messing with you. Where’s your phone?”

You pass it to him, and he angles it for a quick selfie. He grins wide, you manage something natural enough, and then the shutter clicks. He proceeds to move around you in the chair, snapping pictures from different angles until you loosen up. By the end of the impromptu photoshoot, you’re shaking your head and covering your face as you laugh.

“There,” Felix says when you’re done, handing your phone back. “You’re welcome.”

“I owe you one,” you reply.

Yuna, Minho and Han return and Yuna gets straight to work on your hair. You browse through the pictures, scanning for a few your agency may approve of. As your agent said, the vibe of your socials is meant to be authenticity and relatability, and what could be more relatable than goofing around with your co-worker?

“When are we all going to go out again?” Yuna asks, glancing at Han and Minho. “That night was so much fun!”

“Our schedules have been all over the place,” Han says.

“But we could try to plan something soon,” Minho continues, while Felix touches up his makeup. “Like a pre-wrap party.”

“All of us from last time?” Yuna asks.

“Why?” Minho pauses, narrowing his eyes. “Who do you want to be there specifically?”

“Seungmin? Jeongin? Hyunjin?” Han follows up.

You keep your expression unreadable at the mention of Hyunjin. You hope it’s not him she wants to see again. But is that a thing you’re allowed to hope for? He’s not even yours to claim.

And the idea of hoping other girls don’t like him isn’t a reasonable thought. So, you couldn’t blame her if she did. He’s Hwang fucking Hyunjin. Hundreds of thousands if not millions already do.

Fuck. That’s daunting.

“I bet it’s Seungmin,” Minho continues, causing Yuna to blush. “You both disappeared when we were dancing for a long time.”

You relax a little. Maybe that night at the club was the start of something more for them too. Part of you wants to ask for more details, but knowing what you’re hiding, it doesn’t feel right to pry.

“We’ll invite him…” Han trails off, a mischievous smile taking over his features, “If you tell us what happened.”

She rolls her eyes. “I don’t kiss and tell.”

“Don’t let them bully you.” You come to her defense. “I’ll make sure everyone from last time is there.”

Minho glares. “Way to ruin the fun, y/n.”

“Whatever,” you shrug. “I’m a good wingman. You guys are being jerks.”

Minho opens his mouth to reply when the trailer door swings open, dragging everyone’s attention to it. Hyunjin leans in, dressed as Jae-hoon was the day he arrived at the inn—a white shirt tucked into black slacks, collar open, sunglasses hanging from his shirt.

“You guys planning to keep me waiting all day?” He addresses the room, sparing a fleeting glance at the others, then his gaze snaps right to you.

“About five more minutes, your highness,” Felix says.

Hyunjin’s smile quirks, and he gives a small nod. As he steps back out, the door swinging closed behind him, you realize your heart’s beating faster than it should be.

Five minutes later, you make your way to set with Han and Minho. The inn is picture-perfect as usual in the morning. The crew is already bustling about, adjusting reflectors, setting tracks for the camera, shouting for equipment like the well-oiled, chaotic machine it always is.

You spot Hyunjin and Chan standing near the front entrance. Chan waves you over. Hyunjin’s lips curve into a grin the second his eyes land on you. You shoot him a look, willing him to behave in front of your boss. And he does.

The last few days have been a blur, but not in the way you expected. After that night with the supplies and the way Hyunjin held you until you fell asleep—you’ve been caught in this strange in between. A space where it almost feels safe. Like maybe you can balance on this tightrope without falling. Every glance, every touch, every shared smile weaves the fantasy tighter.

Chan starts briefing you all on the shots for the intro sequence. No dialogue. Just mood and chemistry.

You listen—you try to listen—but your thoughts keep drifting. You just want to touch Hyunjin. It’s ridiculous. Fifteen hours since you last saw him and it feels like an eternity. How did it get to this point in less than three weeks?

You start walking toward your mark with Minho and Han trailing behind you, ready to get the ball rolling.

You can’t wait for this day to end.

You can’t wait to have his lips on yours again.

After lunch, the courtyard of the inn becomes the backdrop for the photoshoot. You, Minho, and Han are scheduled for the first round, and they sit you down for solo shots to start. Soft music plays in the background, helping to settle your nerves and giving the shoot a more relaxed, easy vibe.

You pose. Turn. Smile when prompted—all while trying your best to ignore the ridiculous faces and poses Minho and Han are doing behind the photographer.

Hyunjin arrives just as Minho wraps. You watch him work, still a little in awe at how effortlessly he commands the space, how precisely he controls every feature of his face to give the camera exactly what it wants. He’s annoyingly good at this.

But it no longer irritates you. It makes you feel proud.

When the photographer claps and calls your name, you barely register it. “y/n, let’s get some of you two together.”

You head toward the table where Hyunjin’s sitting. He rises immediately, offering you the seat. You’re torn between slipping into professional mode and the temptation to reach for him.

He doesn’t speak—just moves into place behind you, one hand settling lightly on your shoulder. You graciously welcome the warmth that radiates throughout your body from his touch.

You shift poses—standing, sitting, one where you’re angled on his lap, your hand resting on the back of his neck.

“Closer,” the photographer instructs. “You’re lovers from different worlds. Let that tension breathe between you.”

He doesn’t know how accurate he is.

Hyunjin’s grip tightens on your waist. His breath brushes the shell of your ear as he leans in, murmuring, “It’s driving me crazy this is the most I’ve got to touch you all day.”

You bite back a smile, trying not to let it reach your eyes.

“Beautiful,” the photographer coos. “Give me more of that.”

You struggle to refocus, but Hyunjin keeps pushing the edge. He’s brushing your hair back, his thumb grazing your jaw as he subtly adjusts your angle for the camera, under the pretense of helping.

You glance over to check the others—Minho and Han are distracted, scrolling through their phones. Good.

But then something catches your eye. A figure near the monitors.

You freeze.

Your agent.

You knew she was supposed to come at some point this week, but not today. Not now.

Your pulse spikes.

Shit.

Her phone is in her hand, snapping photos of the shoot—of you and Hyunjin.

You sit straighter, putting a sliver of space between you.

“My place or yours tonight?” Hyunjin teases, oblivious as he closes the distance almost as soon as you created it.

You don’t answer—you can’t. Because your agent is watching. Her eyes on you. And Hyunjin. And you don’t know how much she’s seen already.

You shift away from his touch.

Hyunjin stills, brow furrowing in confusion. He doesn’t push the issue—but you can feel him pulling back too.

The group shots begin, and you welcome the distance. Anything to slow your racing thoughts. But the damage is done. Where there was anticipation, now there’s dread coiling tight in your stomach. There’s no telling what she’ll do with the pictures on her phone—you have no control over those.

The moment the photographer calls a wrap, you make eye contact with your agent and nod in the direction of your trailer. You don’t even look behind you to see if she’s following, but she steps inside moments after you.

She’s bearing a wide grin, holding up her phone.

“I got some great shots of you and Hyunjin. You’re a very photogenic pairing.”

Her words immediately put you on edge.

“I thought you weren’t coming until the weekend,” you say, keeping your voice level.

“Schedule changed. Plus, I wanted to bring the KBS contract.” She reaches into her messenger bag and produces the documents. “You looked good out there.”

Before you can reply, another knock sounds. You open the door to find Hyunjin—he’s changed out of Jae-hoon’s costume and is now wearing jeans and a long-sleeved plaid shirt. He clocks your agent instantly but doesn’t skip a beat.

“Some of us were gonna grab dinner,” he says. His voice is easy, casual, but his eyes are locked on you as always. “You coming?”

“Uhm…I’m not hungry. But thank you.”

He must see the hesitation written across your face.

“Later?” he asks quietly, just for you.

You glance once at your agent—she’s leaning against the counter, looking at her phone but most definitely listening—then back to him.

You give him a small, almost imperceptible nod.

He smiles softly and returns your nod before walking away.

“Cute,” your agent says without looking up. “You two have good, natural chemistry. You should capitalize on that.”

You don’t respond, instead reaching for the contract folder sitting on the counter. You flip it open, eyes skimming over the offer and schedule, but your brain won’t settle.

“We have to wait until after the premiere but sharing those photos of you and Hyunjin from the shoot will be engagement gold,” she says casually.

“I don’t want to use him like that,” you say, more firmly than you expect.

That gets her attention. She raises an eyebrow. “It’s not using him. It’s called leveraging the moment. That’s the game, y/n. You’d be doing yourself a disservice pretending you two aren’t working magic together.”

You set the contract down and take a breath.

You can’t tell her it’s more than that.

“Where do I sign?” you change the subject.

She flips through each page of the contract where you need to initial and/or sign.

“y/n,” she begins, as she’s putting the folder back in her bag. “I’m not the enemy here. I just want to remind you of that. I work for you.”

She’s right. But it’s easy to forget that when you’re more focused on keeping this secret from seeing the light of day.

“If you don’t want to post anything with Hyunjin, you don’t have to,” she continues. “Posting nothing but the two of you could be mistaken as clout chasing or spark dating rumors, sure, and I understand that’s not what you want. I don’t think posting once or twice will have a negative impact, though. But if you don’t share anything with him at all…have you considered how that will look too? Would people speculate about tension on set?”

You sigh, plopping down on the couch. You hadn’t considered that alternative.

“This is your first time going through something like this. It’s bound to feel conflicting.”

“It really is,” you murmur.

“I’m not here to tell you how to live your private life. But just…give me the heads up if I need to get PR out ahead of any groundbreaking news so we can help you navigate it, alright?”

You nod, forcing a smile as she waves and exits the trailer.

She was hinting at something very specific. If she could spot that after only an hour or so…what must everyone else on set be thinking about how close you and Hyunjin have gotten?

And what was all that about getting PR involved? That’s exactly what you didn’t want to happen, having hands dipping into the pot of your…whatever this is with Hyunjin.

This was so much easier when you loathed him.

You barely have five minutes of silence before the door swings open again.

It’s him.

“What are you doing?” you ask, already standing. Your heart kicks up as you peek out the window.

“What are you doing?” he tosses back, stepping inside like he owns the place, watching your frantic behavior. “She’s gone. I watched her leave.”

“I thought you left…were you waiting outside my trailer?”

He shrugs. “It seemed like you were ready to blow a gasket after she showed up. Your agent, right?”

You nod.

“Everything okay?”

You hesitate, your voice quiet when you finally speak, “Hyunjin…I think we really need to end this.”

He stills; confusion etched across his perfect face. “What? Why?”

“Because…you and I don’t make sense outside of this bubble,” you spout the first reasonable thing that comes to mind. “It feels fine, for now…but when filming ends?”

“What happens?” he asks, moving closer.

You lower your gaze. “We fall apart.”

He slides a hand around your waist, not at all put off by your pessimism. “Does your agency allow you to date?”

You exhale through your nose. “Yes. But I’m afraid they’d use this—use you—to build up my career.”

“And you won’t let them,” he says, already knowing the answer.

“Of course not. I don’t want to use you for anything.”

“You could use me for some stuff,” he teases, leaning down to kiss you.

You stop him with a hand on his chest. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” He brushes a thumb down your arm. “But I don’t care what anyone says.”

“You do care. About your career.”

He watches you for a moment. “So what—what do you want me to do? Pretend I don’t want you?”

“I don’t know…maybe stop looking at me like no other woman on this planet exists.”

“They don’t.”

The sincerity in his voice guts you. You curl your fingers in his shirt.

“You don’t have to be scared,” he says softly, reading you like a book. “You riding back with me?”

“I shouldn’t…”

“But you will?”

You sigh. “You’re making this really hard.”

“You thought breaking up with me would be easy?”

“There’s nothing to break up,” you whisper.

He kisses the top of your head. “I’ll meet you in the parking lot.”

And then he’s gone.

You change into your clothes, drop off the innkeeper’s costume at wardrobe, and head to the car that’s been your ride for weeks now. Changbin’s in the driver’s seat, Hyunjin already in the back, waiting.

You slip in beside him; he pulls you in without asking, and you let him.

“You hungry?” he asks.

“We can order in,” you say, settling into this familiar routine with far too much ease for someone who had just tried to end it a few minutes ago. “Changbin, did you eat?”

Changbin glances up at you through the rearview mirror. “Yes…but I can eat again—if the boss will allow it.”

“Yeah, but you’re going home as soon as you’re full.”

“That’s my secret, Cap. I’m never full.”

You shake your head, smiling despite yourself, letting their banter fill the silence in your mind. You lean into Hyunjin’s chest, resting your forehead there, eyes closed.

Today was a whirlwind—the photos, your agent, the crowding pressure of a future you can’t predict. And Hyunjin is the perfect calm to your inner storm.

Why does pursuing your career mean having to shut the door on something else you want?

It’s not fair.

You know you should stop this, but how can you when it feels so good to be held by him? To be cared for and looked after? To be needed.

But if you were to consider trying to have something serious with Hyunjin, it would have to be a secret for who knows how long. And when you’re both back in Seoul, it will be a hell of a lot harder to sneak around. Especially when the series finally airs.

His behavior, his reactions to everything you’ve said and done to push him away only make this harder. It’s fucking exhausting being the only one who’s always bracing for impact while he’s choosing to live in La La Land. Because he can. He’s not stressing the same way that you are, he’s not paranoid that one wrong decision could detonate everything he’s worked for.

His phone buzzes on his lap. He glances down at the screen, and, unfortunately, so do you.

Alessia [5:35 PM]: Dinner still on? 👀 You better not flake, Romeo.

You both tense.

The words on the screen close around your throat like a fist.

“Shit,” he mutters. “I forgot about this dinner thing. My agent set it up with the stylist for that concept shoot in a few weeks.”

You nod, slowly sitting up. “Yeah, no worries. Work’s work.”

But Romeo and dinner won’t stop echoing in your mind.

If it’s just a meeting…why would she call him Romeo?

Is that just her personality? Some flirty, casual nickname?

Or has he been hiding something?

What, then, was all of that moments ago about you being the only woman that exists?

Your stomach churns and suddenly you can’t breathe right. Your chest tightens, like your ribs are closing in on your lungs. You’ve been telling yourself for days that this isn’t real—that it can’t be. But what if he was counting on that?

You wouldn’t be the first naïve actress to fall in this kind of trap.

You start to feel nauseous as the car slows to a stop outside the hotel. Hyunjin shifts beside you, but you don’t look at him.

“I’ll text you later?”

You busy yourself with picking up your bag, fingers moving too fast, heart thudding in your ears. Something as small as a name on a screen shouldn’t feel like betrayal. But it does.

And as much as it fucking hurts, maybe this is exactly what you needed to get your head on straight.

“Sure,” you manage, and move to open the door.

He catches your arm, gently pulling you back. He hooks a finger under your chin to turn your face to him. He leans forward and presses his lips to yours.

You don’t kiss him back. You can’t. You’re currently imprisoned in the words of that text message.

He leans back slowly, eyes scanning your face like he’s looking for a way in. You won’t give him one this time.

“This is just a work thing,” he repeats.

“Even if it’s not…” You look at your hands, your lap, anywhere but him. “It’s fine. We’re not dating, Hyunjin. We can’t.”

You slip out before he can say anything else.

“Have a good time,” you add to drive your point home and shut the door behind you.

You walk toward the hotel entrance without looking back, and it’s for the best. Because if you did, everything inside you that’s falling apart may come spilling out.

You wake the next morning alone in bed. It’s been a while since that happened, and it feels a little strange. You pick up your phone to silence the alarm, blinking at the slew of notifications on your screen—including a few missed texts and calls from Hyunjin, and your heart involuntarily skips a beat.

Hyunjin [12:12 AM]: you up? i wanna see you

You opt not to reply. You have a long day ahead of you and don’t want the mess of last night to distract you from work.

Once on set, you go about your usual routine—makeup, wardrobe, a quick breakfast. You film some filler shots of your character walking into the inn, at the desk, in her office, etc. It’s magical to you, how they’ll take these snippets and thread them through the full tapestry of the series.

After the last solo shot, you return to your trailer to go over your lines for the scene you’re filming with Minho next when your phone buzzes. It’s a message from Yuna.

Yuna [11:05 AM]: OMG. Have you seen the article?

Your eyes widen, pulse increasing.

You [11:07 AM]: I don’t think so…what article?

She replies with a link.

You hesitate, wracking your brain for anything you could have been caught doing recently, but there’s nothing. Eventually, curiosity wins, and you tap on it.

📸 Caught on Camera: Hyunjin Seen Kissing Unknown Woman Outside Geongju Hotspot! Is Hyunjin off the market? The star was spotted outside Nox this weekend, a cozy, romantic restaurant, in what appears to be a steamy moment with an unidentified woman. The two were seen leaving through a side exit before sharing what eyewitnesses describe as a "quick but unmistakable kiss." While the woman’s identity remains unknown, fans and gossip accounts are already in overdrive. Is she a new flame? A close friend? Or something more scandalous? Neither Hyunjin nor his agency has responded to the photos circulating online.

Your stomach drops. That’s not you in the photo.

At first, it feels like a relief. But then it hits you. Hard.

Your eyes key in on a specific detail of the picture—the shirt she’s wearing. It’s the dark green plaid t-shirt Hyunjin had on yesterday.

You can practically feel yourself sinking into the couch in your trailer. You’re replaying every moment with him, tainting them with doubt, coloring in red flags you must have ignored.

How often did Hyunjin have to leave for ‘work’?

The late-night texts asking to come over?

Are you just the option that’s most regularly convenient?

Had you just never connected those dots before?

And that text you saw last night—the one with Romeo. You wanted so badly to use it to put some distance between the two of you.

But this?

This makes you feel like a fucking fool.

“y/n,” Jeongin’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts from the other side of your door. “You’re needed back on set.”

“Coming,” you call out to him.

You toss your phone onto the couch, not daring to bring it to set with you. You don’t want any other alarming texts to throw you off. You take a deep breath and meet him outside your trailer.

Once in front of the camera, you square your shoulders, push back the chaos, and force yourself into character. You have to. It’s the only way to get through the rest of today.

Your scene with Minho is short but draining. When it’s over, you collapse into a seat beside him, watching him eat while you stare blankly ahead.

“You okay?” he asks, mouth full of rice.

“Just tired,” you say.

“You sure?”

You nod, not trusting yourself to speak. He sees through it—he’s not easy to fool. But thankfully, he lets it drop.

You can’t talk to him about this. There’s only one person you can talk to, and you’re dreading having that conversation. Dreading having him confirm that all you originally assumed about him was correct and you’d fooled yourself into believing otherwise.

Jeongin comes once again to retrieve you for your next scene. This one is with Hyunjin. It’s one of the more emotional scenes and filming it couldn’t have come at a worse time.

The inn’s courtyard is dressed for atmosphere—dim lights, warm tones. There are multiple cameras set up for this shot to lessen the amount of takes needed for different angles.

Hyunjin shows up a few minutes later, Felix trailing behind him, trying to fix his makeup mid-stride. Your stomach turns when you see him. Your body aches to be near him. Your mind begs you not to.

He looks around until he finds you, and the moment he does, you avert your eyes.

“You ready, y/n?” Chan calls from behind the monitor.

You force a thumbs up.

“Places!”

Hyunjin stops walking toward you, a look of defeat on his face. He sits at a table in the courtyard with a bottle of soju. You stand just off camera.

This is the moment his character crumbles after leaving the inn to visit his father.

When Chan calls action, you wait a few beats before entering.

“I’ve been looking for you.”

“Well. Congratulations. You found me.” He raises the bottle. “Want a drink?”

“No...” you reply softly. “You left without saying anything. I wanted to know what’s going on.”

You stand next to the table, look down at him, and it takes everything you have not to crack at the look on his face. He looks stressed. Pained. And you can’t tell if it’s acting or if that’s really him right now.

He’s silent.

Too silent.

“Cut!” Chan calls. “Do you need your line Hyunjin?”

You glance toward the crew, but you feel Hyunjin still watching you.

“No, sorry.” He says. “Let’s do it again.”

He reaches out for your hand as you return to your mark. You pull away before he can touch you. His expression falls even further, and you have to look away.

You run through the scene again.

Take three. Take six. Take nine.

Every time, something’s off.

A missed cue. A dropped word. A breath caught in the wrong place.

“Okay, let’s take five everyone,” Chan says finally, trying to sound encouraging.

You walk away from the cameras and crew, needing some space from everything. There’s no time to make it to your trailer and back in five minutes, so you duck around the corner of the inn. But you realize being alone is not going to happen when footsteps follow you.

“y/n,” Hyunjin’s voice is quiet, but strained. “Can we talk?”

You turn to face him, eyes hardened as you remind yourself it’s better this way.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

He takes in your expression, your tone, your behavior. “Did you get my text?”

“I don’t have my phone with me.”

“I wanted to talk to you before all of this,” he gestures to you, “happened. It’s not what you think.”

“It’s fine,” you say. “Whether you’re seeing other people or not is none of my business.”

He takes a step forward. You take one back and hit the wall.

“It wasn’t—I didn’t—fuck.” He runs a hand across his buzzed head. “y/n, trust me, it’s not what it looked like.”

“I trust you,” you begin, and a glimmer of hope flickers across his eyes until you continue. “I trust you to get this scene done in a timely manner. Let’s focus on that.”

Jeongin rounds the corner and Hyunjin takes a step back.

“Five minutes is up.”

You’re staring daggers at each other. Neither of you move.

“I’ll explain everything after,” he says.

Every nerve in your body is wound tight, but you find it in you to nod. No part of you wants to hear him out at this moment, you want to chop this up as the loss that it is and move on with the project the best you can.

There’s too much riding on this to let it be derailed in the final weeks.

Hyunjin walks away first and Jeongin waits for you. He watches Hyunjin’s retreating back for a second, then turns to you.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you smile. “Just getting in the right headspace for the scene.”

Back on set, you and Hyunjin finally manage to get through the scene.

Hyunjin is incredible. Raw. Reminding you of just how convincing he can be. Reminding you that you should have never let your guard down.

“My father thinks I’m weak.” He idly plays with the bottle of soju. “That I lack ‘discipline’. That I’m a waste of the family name. Do you know what it’s like to walk into a room and already be a disappointment before you even speak?”

He takes another sip.

“I never asked to be his legacy. I just wanted to be his son.”

“You’re not your father’s shadow. You’re not just a headline. You’re allowed to figure life out as you go.”

The irony of your dialogue is not lost on you. Everything you’ve gone through with him has been ripped apart by a single headline. A single text.

“Maybe. But he’s not wrong. I am a disappointment. I do lack discipline. Honestly, it’s just easier to be that version of me.”

You pull an empty chair close to him and sit down, taking one of his hands in yours.

“But that’s not who you are now.”

“Isn’t it?” He looks up at you, his eyes welling with tears. “It still feels like it.”

“It’s not, Jae-hoon.”

He places his other hand on top of yours and squeezes it.

“Tell me who I am, then. Because without…”

He trails off and then silence consumes you. You nod a little, encouraging him to continue.

“Still rolling,” Chan calls out. “Find it, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin clears his throat, staring down at the grass beneath you. He takes a deep breath, blinks, and then his eyes flick back up to yours and your breath catches.

“Tell me who I am, then. Because without you, I don’t fucking know anymore.”

He delivers the final line with a vulnerability that wrecks you.

When Chan yells “Cut!” Hyunjin wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. You squeeze his other hand gently, knowing that wasn’t easy to get through.

A few hours later, you’re back in your trailer. You purposefully avoid your phone sitting on the couch. It certainly hasn’t been a breeze of a day on set, but you keep reminding yourself it’s better this way. You can’t cave in.

You have to put yourself first.

It isn’t until the ride back to the hotel that you finally unlock your phone to view your missed messages.

Pastry Prince 👑 [3:12 PM]: you need to see this please don’t freak out Pastry Prince 👑 [3:15 PM]: they twisted it. nothing happened Pastry Prince 👑 [3:17 PM]: i’m just waking up and heading to set i’ll explain it all

He included a link to the article and everything.

It’s too late, though. You’ve already spiraled. You’ve already talked yourself through a thousand reasons as to why this cannot continue.

But you’re too wired to sleep when you get to the hotel. Even after a shower and changing into your comfiest pajamas, your mind spins relentlessly.

You’re annoyed with yourself for being angry.

You’re angry at yourself for being jealous.

You knew this was a bad idea from the start, yet you let it happen anyway. All because it felt good. All because you enjoyed being needed, being wanted by him.

It’s a hard and embarrassingly foolish lesson to learn.

Your phone buzzes again.

Pastry Prince 👑 [11:56 PM] You in your room?

You told him you’d let him explain, and you will at least give him that closure.

You [11:57 PM] Yes.

A few minutes later, there’s a knock at the door.

Your heart leaps, even though you already know who it is. You unlock the door and pull it open without a word, still burning.

Still yearning.

It’s hard to push those feelings down when you’re this close and alone.

You set yourself straight with one resounding: after he speaks his piece, you have to end this.

For good.

a/n: alright i'm gonna go hide now. see you soon!

@hwangjoanna / @hanniesbubuwife / @straycat420 / @tsunderelino / @dessianna1 / @akindaflora / @tirena1 / @krayzieestay / @ehstay / @spookiesakura / @aria-again / @sakuraseyebrow / @brekkers-whore / @sailor--sun

#stray kids fanfic #stray kids fanfiction #skz fanfic #skz fanfiction #skz imagines #skz x you #skz x reader #skz x y/n #skz angst #skz fluff #hyunjin fanfic #hyunjin fanfiction #hyunjin x you #hyunjin x y/n #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin scenarios #hyunjing angst #hyunjin fluff

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wonyology · 4 hours ago

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The Years Next Door (m!reader x Babymonster's ASA) - part IV

part I - part II - part III (done)

Summary: Enami Asa - one of, if not the most important person in your life - moved in next door a few years ago. You didn't know it back then. It started with an awkward first meeting, a shared family dinner and washing dishes together. Looking back now, you still remember it like it was yesterday. But when did things change between two of you? You don't know for sure - once things shifted, there was no going back for either of you.

tags(?): angst, fluff, i don't even know

trigger warnings: mentions of exams, school stuff, universities (don't say i didn't warn u guys)

ASA x yourself/Original Male Character

Word count: ~18k (damn i really outdid myself)

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

The atmosphere that night was heavy, it hadn’t felt like this in a while. The clock ticked past 8PM. Your dad could be watching the news on TV right now if the incident had never happened. His phone buzzed once on the counter but he didn’t move to check it. You sat at the kitchen table, shirt sleeves pulled over your hands, hair still a bit wet from a half-ass, rushed shower. You were staring at the almost full bowl of rice in front of you. Across from you, mom cleared her throat.

“Aren't you going to eat?”

“I…uh, I’m not really hungry.” you replied, voice soft, lifeless.

“Did you eat anything at school?” mom asked, her voice quieter this time. “After that meeting.”

Your fingers played with the edge of your sleeves. You hated how loud the clock sounded, you hated how your heart felt, you hated how… you made Asa feel.

From the living room, your dad finally spoke up, still not looking up from his spot.

“The representative from the taekwondo association called.”

You hummed, head still down.

“They said this was a big deal, but they still want you. They’re seriously considering making an exception, just for you. We all have to be there at the meeting with them and the school’s ethics board.”

You hummed again, barely audible.

Your mom didn’t say anything this time. You knew what she was thinking. She always had that way of sitting whenever things like this happened, quiet, upright, hands folded on the table - except this was the first time you did something that had this big of consequence. Not skipping classes for PC bang sessions. Not scolding from teachers. This was something real. Bigger. The kind of things that came with write-ups, warnings, meetings with guys in suits - mouth spewing big words like ethics, disciplinary… The kind of things that could eventually get on the Internet and affect your adulthood in the future, or even worse… push Asa away forever.

“You know this is not what we wanted when we signed you up for taekwondo when you were a kid, Joonhyuk-ah.” your dad said, disappointed.

“I know, dad. It’s just…” you replied. “I didn’t think ahead…”

You weren’t playing victim, hell you didn’t even feel like one. You felt reckless. Like the hot blood in your body completely took over that night.

“Asa was hurt.” you added, eyes now moved to a small chip on the wooden table. “Those guys hit her. I couldn’t just let them get away with it.”

Your dad’s disappointment still lingered in the air, heavy, but something in the way his jaw tightened told you he understood, even if he didn’t agree with your actions.

“Joonhyuk-ah, that’s not your decision to make,” mom finally spoke again, her voice soft but steady.

“What’s best for her… what she needs… that’s not always your fight, Joonhyuk-ah. Even if it hurts to watch.”

The thought hit you harder than any punch you’d taken in any competitions. It wasn’t anger, or guilt - it was something colder. Lonelier. All this time, you thought you were there by her side, protecting her, stepping in when things got ugly. That you were doing something right. But maybe it was just your ego. Maybe you were just inserting yourself where you didn’t belong. Maybe Asa didn’t even like you ever si-

“Joonhyuk-ah” mom said, voice gentler this time. “You’re not nothing. That’s not what I meant. Don’t think like that.”

But the damage was already done. Not by her. By you. The memory of Asa’s face, turning away from you, her eyes glassy. Of her silence. Of the way she wouldn’t meet your eyes after it all went down - it kept playing in your head, over and over again.

And maybe, maybe she didn’t need you. At least not the version of you who acted without thinking. Not the one who let anger take over himself.

“I’m sorry.” you muttered, not even sure who you were apologizing to - yourself, your parents, or her. Probably all three.

Your dad let out a long sigh.

“We know, Joonhyuk-ah. But we are very disappointed. From tomorrow on, whenever school or practice finishes, and all that mandatory school work is done, you have to be home. At the meeting, you’ll have to be sincere and apologize to everyone, and if Asa allows you to… to her too.”

You nodded, barely. They were in the right, this whole mess was your doing.

Your mom stood up, gathering everything on the dinner table. The way she moved was slow, deliberate - like she was holding back worry, or sadness.

“I’ll make you your favorite tomorrow morning.” she said, like a peace offering. “Eat first before going to school.”

“Okay, mom…”

Dad now stood up, eyes watching you, tired. “You’re lucky, you know. People are willing to give you another chance.”

“I know…”

“And don’t waste it. Don’t make this mistake again.”

You nodded, this time your head was lower, like your neck couldn’t hold the weight anymore.

Tomorrow. The meeting. Seeing Asa again.

You leaned back on the chair. You used to imagine a future where she was always by your side, walking home together, and if you got lucky… ask her out. Now you weren’t even sure if she’d ever look at you the same way again. That hurt the most.

That night, you stared at your phone screen for what felt like forever.

Her name sat there at the top of the Kakaotalk. No recent messages. You hesitated, then your thumbs hovered over the keyboard.

[준혁선베🥋]

asa-ah

i know you probably don’t want to hear from me

but… i’m sorry

can we talk?

i’m really sorry

are you still mad at me?

You took a deep breath and stared at the screen. Waiting. A minute passed. Then two.

Then suddenly -

This user has either blocked you or deleted their account.

Your heart dropped.

No, no, no…You rushed to Instagram to search her name. Nothing. All your messages there? Gone. You tried clicking on her username on a tagged post.

User not found.

Blocked. There too. You now sat frozen, the weight of it sinking in fast. Asa cut you off. Clean. Quiet. Like it was the only way to protect herself now - from you.

The next morning was cold and colorless, a quiet kind of grey that mirrored everything you felt inside. When it was time, you got into the car with your parents and rode to school in silence, no walking with Asa from now on.

The meeting was held in one of those administrative rooms, far too quiet. On one side sat you, your parents; the other side of the table was the school’s ethics board which consists of the vice principal, student affairs director, and three high ranking officials from the national taekwondo association. All of them looked tired, like they’d read the reports too many times already. So, no CCTV footage. But there were a few witnesses. Some students saw what happened. Some didn’t know the full story. But most knew enough. No one said Asa’s name out loud. They didn’t need to. It was written in every pause. Every look. By now, everyone in school knew who it was about. Who it was for.

They talked about discipline, responsibilities that came with representing the school and the country. About how your actions, the violence - even if it was justified, even if provoked - still had consequences. You had to listen, it was a warning. Eventually, after what felt like hours, they laid out the terms: a probationary continuation with the national program. One strike left. You’d complete school-mandated community service, write formal apologies, and follow a closely monitored behavior agreement.

They emphasized, again and again, that you were the first, and probably only exception they would ever consider - because of your previous academic records, attitude, achievements and talent. They didn’t say it with anger. Just disappointment. And expectation. They all knew it wasn’t about taekwondo, or school pride, or even yourself. It was about a girl who wasn’t there. A girl, who by the end of the meeting, felt even farther away.

Outside, even the weather felt awful - still grey, still quiet. The weight on your chest now felt heavier, not only because your reputation was now tainted, you might’ve lost Asa for good. When the meeting ended, you dragged yourself back to class with a quiet breath and lowered eyes, unsure of what to expect. Everything still looked the same, but it only took one glance toward the back to realize something had really changed. The window seat, yours and Asa’s seat, was changed. Asa now moved to sit next to Minju at the end of the class, just behind you. Directly behind you. Sitting next to your seat now, in Asa’s old seat, was Yunah. She didn’t look at you when you passed. Didn’t flinch. Didn’t shift in her chair. She was talking to Minju, and it seemed like you didn’t even exist to her. The space behind you felt loud with silence. You could feel her being there, but it was like sitting in front of a wall.

You sat down slowly, throat tight. Yunah leaned slightly to your side and whispered. “You okay?”

You nodded - automatic but empty. “Mmm.”

She looked at you for another second, then added.

“Don’t stress too much. Our class… they understand what happened. We all sympathize with you, so… don’t worry.”

You didn’t really answer. Not because you didn’t hear her, but because all you could think about was Asa, the girl sitting right behind you.

The bell rang, but you didn’t move. Your classmates, even Asa, packed up quickly, chatting about hakwon and weekend plans, but it all faded into background noise. You stayed seated, waiting for the room to clear out. Yunah didn’t leave either, she chose to wait with you.

When it was just the two of you, she turned in her seat. “So… the school service or work thingy, you start today? Already?”

You nodded. “Yup… Behind the science wing. Trash pickup. Then cleaning in the other building. Repeat. And I also start training again tomorrow.”

“Ooh… that’s rough.”

“Yeah, I’m grounded too.”

“Damn, full combo.” Yunah winced.

You let out a tired breath. “I miss Asa.”

Yunah nodded, turning her body more toward you, propping her chin on her hand. “You okay?”

You didn’t answer right away. Not because you didn’t know how to, but because saying it out loud felt harder than it should’ve.

“I don’t know…” you finally said. “Everything just feels muted. Like I’m here, but not really.”

Yunah just watched you, her expression softening.

“She hasn’t said anything about me, has she?” you asked, a few bits of hope in your voice.

“No.” she replied gently. “But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t think about you. She just… doesn’t want to talk to you yet.”

You nodded slowly, eyes fixed on the board.

“She used to get annoyed when I zoned out during class.” you said quietly. “Now she doesn’t even care about me.”

“Asa’s still hurt.” Yunah replied. “Not just because of what you did. Because she didn’t get to choose how it happened. You made the decision for the both of you.”

“I know.” you muttered. “I thought I was protecting her.”

“I mean, you were… She was… she wanted to protect herself.”

“Feels like everyone’s disappointed. My parents, hers, the teacher, her…”

“Yah,” Yunah said, nudging your arm slightly. “Not everyone. Almost everyone in school, like a lot of us get it. We know why you did what you did. Some of us even said you could’ve punished them a lot worse.”

You didn’t say anything, but the corner of your mouth twitched. Almost a smile.

She glanced at the clock. “You’re gonna be late?”

You stood up with a groan. “Probably. But no big deal, I guess.” Yuna slung her backpack on. “Want me to walk with you there?”

You nodded. “Oh… she blocked me too. Last night, Kakao, Insta.”

“Really? That’s serious…”

You gave a small shrug, trying to play it off but Yunah clearly knew.

“Guess she meant it,” you muttered. “Didn’t even bother to read the messages. Straight block.”

Yunah adjusted her backpack on her shoulder, watching your expressions. “She always said she hated people who acted without thinking.”

You nodded, slow and tired.

“What exactly did you.. you know? Did to them?” she asked.

“Uh, I followed them. Beat them up. Took them a while to confess. Once they confessed, I beat them up once again then made them do, like, 50-60 push-ups.”

Yunah blinked. “Again?”

“Yeah, first round was out of anger. Second was… I dunno. Principle?”

She stared at you for a second, somehow looked both impressed and shocked. “And the push-ups?”

You exhaled through your nose, almost like a laugh. “Didn’t know what else to do. Figured if I was gonna get in trouble, might as well get creative and discipline them.”

“That’s not creative, Joonhyuk-ah. That’s insane. What would Asa say?”

The mention of Asa somehow made your heart drop, harder every time. You didn’t know how to answer. Just kept your eyes on the hallway floor, the marks, the lights buzzing above. When you two reached the stairwell landing, neither of you moved.

“Guess she didn’t ask for it.” you continued. “I was just a dumbass.”

“And now you have to pay for it.” Yunah said softly.

You nodded. “Yeah.”

The silence after wasn’t awkward. It was heavy, but honest. Like something both of you were finally letting settle.

“You’re not a bad person, you know.”

“Yeah, people say that all the time. Doesn’t really help me right now.”

She looked at you. “Well, for your information, if I ever got harassed, I wouldn’t mind someone going full K-drama for me. Text me whenever you’re in need.”

You smiled faintly. Yunah then nudged your arm lightly.

“Come on, you idiot. Let’s get you to punishment duty before you end up crying on the stairs.”

“Not crying.” you scoffed.

“Not yet.”

You didn’t say it, but you were grateful for Yunah. She was still walking beside you, when so much had already fallen away.

After what felt like hours of punishment duty, you finally managed to make it home. How am I supposed to make it through the year? Your body ached, but your mind wouldn’t stop. Every dull movement reminded you of Asa.

It was late. The kind of quiet where even Eungam-dong’s loudest dog stopped barking. You barely said anything to your parents. Just showered, changed and collapsed onto your bed, hair still damp. You turned your head toward the window. Her room, just right across from yours, is the light still on? You sat up slowly, heart beginning to pace without permission. The curtains were half-drawn, but you could still see Asa. She was sitting at her desk, headphones on, her beauty faintly lit by the light from her iPad. You hesitated, then finally decided to stand up and gently slid your window open.

The cool night air slipped in immediately, brushing your face. You knocked, once. It wasn’t loud, desperate. She didn’t hear it at first. Or maybe she was pretending not to hear it.

So you tried again, a second knock, just enough to make it clear it was you, like how you always did during lockdown. This time, she turned. Her eyes met yours for a brief second. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. Your mouth opened but no words made it out - you didn’t even get to say a word before Asa stood up and reached for her window-

Click. She slid the window shut and drew the curtains, clean. Not even bother looking back at you.

You stood there for a while, staring at her now closed windows. Everything inside you was full of things you weren’t allowed to say anymore. Then you stepped back, slowly - letting the silence take over the night.

That morning, since Asa didn’t even acknowledge you, you decided to walk to school earlier than usual. You couldn’t even sleep last night anyways, the way she looked at you for a split-second before sliding the window completely shut. You told yourself maybe she’d softened a bit overnight, maybe the silence wasn’t punishment. But when she walked into class, everything in her posture told you otherwise.

She didn’t pause at the doorway. She didn’t even hesitate when she got close to you and slid right into her seat behind you like you weren’t there. You turned your head lightly, giving it a few seconds so that she could see you if she wanted to.

Nothing. No glance. No flinch. Not even a shift in her chair.

Minju greeted her quietly. Asa responded with a nod and soft voice. It was careful, composed - like she had walls up now, making sure no one could see over them. You swallowed the dry feeling in your throat before turning back. When class started, Yunah leaned slightly toward you, whispering without taking her eyes off the board.

“Did you try again last night?”

You gave her a small nod.

“And?”

You didn’t answer. Just tapped your pen once against the desk and kept your eyes on the textbook. Behind you, Asa didn’t even acknowledge your existence. And somehow, the space between your two chairs felt like a thousand miles.

Later that morning, during break, you slipped out to the school cafeteria to grab the same thing you always bought her on the way to school, the banana milk - the one you first bought her while showing her around the neighborhood years ago. You brought it back to class, waiting for the right moment. Your palms felt stupidly sweaty. It took you some courage, but you managed to turn around - casual, like it didn’t mean as much as it did - and placed it the drink on her desk.

“I, uh… got this for you.”

Asa glanced at it for a second and said nothing. She then looked at Minju and gave her a slight nod. Minju obviously hesitated, her eyes flicked to you - apologetic, unsure. But she decided to reach out, slowly pulled the banana milk toward her side of the desk, mouthing sorry without any sound.

You didn’t say anything, didn’t need to. You just turned around and stared straight ahead, letting out an obvious breath. The cold air from the classroom’s old AC brushed your cheeks, but somehow, your face still burned. You laid your head on your arms, slowly - like your body just gave out. You didn’t cry. You couldn’t summon the energy for that, just staying there - forehead pressed to the desk, completely still.

Yunah stared at you from the side, feeling sorry for you. She didn’t say anything at first, but after a moment, she reached over. A light tap on your back, then your shoulder. Her hand rested there maybe a second longer than needed, enough to say I’m here.

You didn’t look up. Then, she gently reached forward and ruffled your hair. Soft. Careful. Like something she did all the time. Behind you, Asa saw it all. She turned her head for a second, just enough to catch the moment. The way Yunah’s hand lingered, the way you didn’t resist it, the slump of your shoulder. Was it guilt? Or… jealousy that flared in her chest? This was a sharp reminder that she used to be the one who understood you like that, she was the only one who could touch you like that. And now, she was the one who chose to let go.

She looked again, quickly, but the feeling stayed. It was buried, unspoken, and too loud to ignore.

Practice at the taekwondo center that night was colder than usual. Not the temperature or the air, it was the stares. The way the locker room went dead quiet the moment you stepped in. You bowed your heads to greet the sunbaes like usual, changed quickly and taped your fingers. Your body was already sore from community service, from no sleep, from everything that came crashing down on you all at once.

It started during drills. A mistimed sweep from one of the older guys - nothing too serious. The way he grinned afterward somehow told you it wasn't an accident. Then the sparring rotation came.

“You’re up, Joonhyuk-ah.” one of the sunbaes said, already bouncing on his feet. “Let’s see what the prodigy’s made of. They had to do everything to save you a spot, after all that.”

The guy was a college athlete - faster, heavier, just strong enough to blur the line between punishment and practice. The first few exchanges were hard and clean. Then came a roundhouse that hit your ribs, harder than necessary. You chose not to complain, just stumbling back a few small steps. Another hit - this time to your shoulder, then a low sweep that sent you sliding. Coach didn’t say much, or he didn’t even pay attention.

Then another one stepped in. “Switch. My turn next.”

Fuck…

You were still catching your breath when the next round started. A hit to your chest guard, a knee right below your belt. After all that, the guy just smirked. They didn’t say outright what it was, but you felt it in every strike - the resentment.

You were too young, too hyped. A high schooler from an academic school, not even an athletic school, not even a full time athlete, yet the association had made an exception for you. And maybe they didn’t like that. They didn’t even care that you were good, they just wanted to remind you where you were - just a high schooler who was lucky enough to stand here in their eyes.

You didn’t try to fight back. You just endured and let them land what they needed to land. Hey, at least it helps you build character. You gritted your teeth and kept getting up. Your head, your heart wasn’t in it, your body was.

By the end of practice, your legs were shaking. Your ribs ached. No one even helped you after the last round. You just lie there on the mat for a moment, staring at the ceiling - your hands red from the tape, joints stiff, a bruise already forming on your side.

You used to feel powerful here. Now you felt small, disposable, and alone.

The next morning, everything still hurt. Your ribs ached, your back felt like it had been driven over. You barely slept too, not just because of the pain but because your brain wouldn’t stop running in circles - from the bruises to Asa’s silent treatment. When you got to class, you moved like a zombie. The morning sun lit up the desks, the floor, even the smudges on the windows. Everything looked exactly the same as yesterday, except you felt like you’d aged a year overnight.

Asa was already there, sitting behind your desk, still not looking at you. Like yesterday. You slid into your seat beside Yunah, wincing slightly as your back hit the chair. You kept your face neutral, but the stiffness didn’t go unnoticed.

Yunah leaned in immediately. “You okay?” she asked under her breath.

“Uh… training.” you murmured. “The sunbaes, they went a little too hard. Maybe because the association made an exception for me and they didn’t like that.”

She tilted her head. “Wait, really? They really did that?”

“Welp… yeah.”

Yunah looked at you a beat longer before reaching out and gently pulled back the collar of your uniform where it had folded wrong. Her fingers grazed your neck, it was warm and light. She smothered the crease like it was instinct. Then she poked your temple.

“You didn’t do your hair.”

“Didn’t have the energy.”

“You really are falling apart, huh?” she signed through her nose.

And then, like she did it a million times before, her hand moved to your hair - fingers brushing softly through your hair, fixing it as best as she could. She ruffled it a few times, then used both hands to put it into place. You stayed still. It wasn’t romantic. She always did this kind of thing. But still, it felt nice - like she was the only one who could hold you together, for now.

“There.” she said quietly. “Just like Nam Joohyuk, but a bit more tragic. Is it that bad?”

“They didn’t really like me before either. Now they got an excuse to do something about it.” you murmured.

Asa heard it. Every word. Every pause. She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop. But when the room quieted and Yunah lowered her voice, your tone became clearer. The kind of tired honesty only Asa used to hear.

“They went too far, Joonhyuk-ah.” Yunah said. “You should’ve told the coach or someone.”

“I mean, I already got in trouble. Might as well take it all. If I speak up, it’ll look like I’m soft.” you let out a low breath.

Yunah didn’t say anything right away. She just looked at you, like she was trying to figure out how much of you was still holding on. Then, she reached over again and slowly rested her hand gently on the back of your neck. Not playful like before - just warm and steady. Her thumb brushed your hair lightly.

“You’re not soft. Just a bit tired.”

You didn’t move. But something about Yunah’s touch grounded you - like a reminder that even in silence, someone saw you. Asa’s eyes didn’t move from her notebook, but she had stopped writing minutes ago. Her fingers rested between tensed fingers. She could hear every word you and Yunah said. Every touch. And now, she could picture it without even looking - Yunah leaning in, hand on your neck, voice too soft to ignore. Asa didn’t react. But Minju, who sat beside her, noticed how still she had gone. The way her shoulder subtly pulled back, the way her eyelashes blinked slower, like someone who once belonged to her was now being affectionate with someone else.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

And so, over the next few months, school days became a battlefield - you kept trying in small, careful ways but Asa kept shutting you out, each moment colder than the last.

Once, when the bell rang, Asa stood up with Minju. The shuffle of bags zipping and chairs scraping filled the classroom as students headed for the next period. You stay seated, fingers tapping lightly against your knees. Just as Asa passed, you tilted your head slightly, voice low - careful not to draw attention.

“Asa-ah… can we talk? Just for a second.”

She paused, barely. A blink, maybe enough to let you hope. Then she kept walking, not a glance, not a word. Minju hesitated for a beat, her eyes flicking back - unsure, but she followed behind quickly. Beside you, Yunah saw it all but she didn’t turn her head around. She just reached out under the table and tapped your knee with her own.

“She’s not ready.” she said, soft enough for the two of you to hear.

You didn’t answer, just stared ahead, lips pressed tight. Your hand rested near the corner of his book, unmoving.

The cafeteria was loud with the usual midday energy - trays clattering, chairs dragging, the hum of lunchtime conversation spilling through every corner. You stepped in late, tray in hand, eyes scanning for the usual table. For years now, without ever having to talk about it, there’d always been a seat beside Asa. Some days she saved it with her banana milk. Other days, she’d shift lightly to make room for you. It was a habit between the two of you. A habit. But the past month had been… different.

Today, someone else was sitting in your place - some girl from the other class, joking about something with Minju. Asa sat beside them, nodding along, focused on her food. You stood there a bit too long, just enough for it to sting. Then you turned quietly and found an empty spot in the corner, deciding to sit alone. You didn’t touch your tray. A few seconds later, Yunah slid into the spot across from you without a word without asking for permission. She just sat there, maybe to support you.

“You didn’t eat lunch yesterday either.” she said, ripping open the straw and dipping it in her milk bottle. You didn’t reply. Yunah reached over and then held it up for you - gentle, like she was offering medicine.

“At least drink this. It’s delicious.”

You leaned forward and took the straw with no hesitation. Your eyes obviously tired, shoulders hunched. Your uniform was a bit wrinkled, shirt untucked just lightly. She then set the milk bottle on the table and reached over to tug at the edge of your blazer sleeve, smoothing it.

“You’re not even pretending anymore.” she said softly.

“Why should I?” You exhaled.

From across the cafeteria, Asa saw it all. Her chopsticks paused halfway to her mouth. She hadn’t meant to look, but her eyes followed you the moment you walked in. She watched the empty seat beside her be filled by someone else. Watched you turn away. Watched Yunah find you. And now she watched Yunah touch you, feed you, and sit close to you. She quickly looked away.

You were all friends, always had been. Nothing about it should’ve felt strange. But it did, to Asa. Something about the way you let Yunah care for you so easily - no hesitation, no awkwardness, it settled uneasily in Asa’s chest. It shouldn’t matter. Asa told herself that, over and over again.

One day, on a school trip, the buses were parked outside the school gates, engines rumbling, teachers shouting to check attendance over the chaos of students laughing and dragging snack bags onto the steps. It was one of those day trips out of Seoul - some museum just in Gyeonggi-do, an hour away. A break from the usual hectic school day.

Asa was standing near the bus entrance with Minju and her friend groups, her blazer draped over her hoodie to help fight the cold that had settled over Seoul those days. She kept her hands in her sleeves, her breath coming out in faint clouds. She wasn’t saying much, just nodding at whatever her friends were rambling about. Then she saw you.

You were coming down from the sidewalk in uniform, one hand in your pocket, the other gripping a shoulder bag slung over your wide but somehow thinner shoulder - maybe all the training, punishment duty, the late nights or maybe it was just Asa’s silence that slowly carved you down, piece by piece. Your hair was slightly messy - probably from rushing, and that usual sleepy look was also on your face.

Her heart did that thing it always used to do whenever she saw you. But this time… it faltered. You didn’t look at her, not even for a second. You walked right past her, no hesitation. As if Asa wasn’t there. You stepped on the bus, scanned the bus.

Oh, there Yunah was… she at this point had become your support, when you seemed nothing to Asa. She was sitting near the back, by the window, already half distracted by her phone. When she looked up and saw you, she smiled without thinking.

“Took you long enough.”

You slid in beside her and dropped your bag in the middle casually, like you’d already planned this, like it was always going to be Yunah. Asa stood outside the bus steps, frozen. Minju stopped talking. She watched you and Yunah settle into place - Yunah pulling out a packet of chips, you resting your elbow on the windowsill, eyes closed like you’d found somewhere soft to land.

They were all friends, Asa told herself that. Again. But somehow, seeing the two of you together like that made her stomach twist. Because for almost two months now, you seemed like you hadn’t looked at her with hope in your eyes, slowly giving up. You had waited. You had apologized. Now? Now you didn’t even glance her way.

The museum was quiet - the kind with soft lights and long hallways that smelled like polished wood and clean air. Students moved in loose clusters, some genuinely interested, others just bored and killing time. Asa walked slowly with Minju, half-listening to the guide’s voice, her thoughts and eyes elsewhere. They kept wandering toward you. You stood a few displays ahead, shoulder to shoulder with Yunah. You weren’t saying much, just nodding and sometimes laughed slightly at what Yunah said, her body tilted slightly toward yours. At one point, she turned to you with a grin and held up her phone.

“Take one for me.”

She posed casually in front of a painting. You held the phone up without protest, snapped a few, asked her to change the pose or adjust her hair and handed the phone back without even asking if they were okay.

“This one’s cute. Since when did you know how to take good photos?” Yunah said, laughing as she scrolled.

“Then post it.” you said, voice low, unreadable. “You look pretty.”

Since Asa taught me how to during our hangouts back then.

Yunah bumped her shoulder lightly with yours.

“You made me look good in this one, look.”

You didn’t say anything, but the corner of your mouth twitched. Asa looked away, pretended to read the text on the wall. Didn’t even absorb a single word.

Later, on the ride home, the sun had already dipped past the horizon in Seoul. The inside of the bus glowed gold for a while, then dimmed into the soft flicker of overhead lights. Asa and Minju sat across the aisle from you and Yunah. Far enough not to be obvious. Close enough to see. You had your head resting on the window, eyes half-shut. Your shoulders looked heavier these days, like everything you’d carried in silence had finally started to sink in your bones. Yunah sat next to you, airpods in, phone resting in her lap. At some point, her head tilted sideways and landed gently on your shoulder. You didn’t move. You didn’t flinch.

Asa saw it all, every single detail. Yunah’s cheek pressed against the fabric of your blazer. Your jaw relaxed. The space between you two barely a breath wide. You two looked… normal. Comfortable. Like you and Yunah’d found a rhythm that didn’t need fixing.

“You okay?” Minju asked her softly.

Asa nodded, too quickly. “Mhm. Just tired.”

There was a pause. Then Minju spoke again, voice quieter but not looking at Asa.

“Yunah doesn’t mean anything by it. You know that, right?”

“We’re all close friends. It’s just… Joonhyuk needed someone to-” she trailed off, then said gently.

“-you know, someone to be there for him.”

Asa didn’t reply right away. The hum of the bus engine filled the silence between them. Her eyes were fixed on the reflection on the window - not the scenery outside, but of the two figures. Yunah, still resting her head on his shoulder. You, still letting her.

She then exhaled slowly, but the breath caught halfway through.

“He always used to fall asleep next to me. Said he hated long rides.”

Minju blinked, hadn’t expected Asa to say anything. “Yeah” she murmured.

Asa then bit on the inside of her cheeks.

“It’s like… I keep thinking it’s temporary,” she paused. “Like he’s just waiting for me to say something and then… it’ll go back.”

Minju doesn’t answer right away. She reached over and placed a hand gently on Asa’s sleeve.

“I think he’s still waiting for you,” she said. “He’s just tired.”

Asa’s hands stayed in her lap, twisting the fabric of her hoodie. She blinked once, hard and kept staring at the bus floor. Meanwhile, Yunah shifted a little in her sleep, you didn’t move.

You didn’t stop trying. Never did. Just a bit… tired now.

You stayed behind after class, casually lingering by the door as Asa packed up her stuff. Just you and Asa, the room quiet, desks still.

“Asa-ah” you said, gently - like you were trying not to scare you off.

She didn’t even look at you, just zipped her backpack and walked straight past, her shoulder slightly brushing yours on the way out. No glance, no pause. Just cold air where something used to be.

One day, you spotted her near the lockers, alone for once while tying her shoelaces. You walked up slowly, not too close. “You-uh… dropped this earlier.” you said, holding out a pen she hadn’t even noticed was missing. Asa glanced at it, took it without touching your hand. Not even a thank you, nothing. She then turned and walked off before you could say anything else. The pen stayed clenched in her hand, but her jaw was tighter than usual. You just stood there, not knowing what to do.

The sky was already dark by the time hakwon ended, the street lights flickering to life one by one. You spotted her across the street, waiting at the crosswalk with her earbuds in, head looking at the sky. You jogged up beside her, not saying anything at first, just trying to match her pace.

“Want to walk home… uh, together?” you offered, gently.

She didn’t even take a second look at you, fixing her earbuds before crossing without looking back when the light turned green.

Fuck…

The air had a sharp chill that afternoon, the kind that cut through sleeves and made you tuck your chin into your collar. It was the day before your final squad announcement - the one that would determine who made the team to go to China. You'd already been on the official squad if it had been for that incident. Everyone knew it, the tension had been building around you for weeks, months now. It was hard, especially without Asa.

Asa was walking with Minju and Asa, her blazer draped over her hoodie, hands stuffed deep in her pockets. They weren’t planning to stop, but Yunah slowed near the side building where your punishment duty usually happened. Then Yunah broke the silence.

“You don’t have to worry. He never liked me, I don’t have that kind of feelings for him either. You know that, right?” her tone quiet - not defensive, just honest.

Asa didn’t respond, but Minju glanced between the two of them, lips puckered.

Yunah continued,

“I mean, sure, I teased him. Sat next to him. Took care of him when he was falling apart but it was never like that. Not for him. Not for me either.”

Asa kept walking, slower now.

“He was just hurting… alone.” Yunah added “ And I was there. That’s all.”

“But you let people think things.” Asa muttered, not looking up.

“So did you,” Yunah replied gently. “You let him think you didn’t care anymore.”

That hit harder than Asa wanted it to. They rounded the corner toward the school’s science wing, where your usual punishment duty happened. Yunah had casually suggested passing by - maybe to show Asa what you had been quietly enduring all this time.

“He still has to do service hours now? It’s been like 2,3 months now.” Minju asked.

Yunah nodded. “Yeah, he told me it’s until the very final squad announcement.”

They didn’t expect to see what they were about to see.

You were sitting on the ground, back resting against the brick wall, mop bucket beside you. Your blazer was rolled up to your elbows, forearm resting loosely on your knees. You looked like you’d been through it - hair sticking to your forehead, breathing in and out. Quiet, still. That was when Ahyeon appeared.

Asa noticed her immediately - even from this distance, even before the others did.

Ahyeon was a year below them, the kind of girl who always turned heads in the hallway: big, bright eyes, soft features that screamed confidence. Pretty with no effort. Talented too - known for her vocals in the singing club, dance collab routines sharp and clean. Asa had seen her around plenty. They’d even worked together a few times during the school showcase, shared warm ups. But right now, Ahyeon wasn’t smiling.

She walked slowly toward you. Her steps were hesitant, her mouth pressed into a nervous line. She stopped a few steps from where you were sitting. You looked up, surprised. Your brows lifted slightly, head tilted. “Oh… hey.”

Ahyeon took a breath. Her voice wasn’t loud, but it was steady.

“Sunbae-nim… I know this probably is not a good time but,” she said, her cheeks blushing pink,

“But… I… I like you, a lot, sunbae-nim. I’ve liked you since last semester. I just noticed things have been off with you lately. Between you and-” she stopped herself.

“I figured if I didn’t say anything now, I’d regret it.”

You blinked, caught completely off guard. You scratched the back of your neck - that shy, awkward gestures you always did when your brain short circuited a little. Your mouth opened, then closed, searching for the right words.

“Uhm… Ahyeon-ah.” you said slowly, rising to your feet, brushing dust off your pants.

“That’s… really sweet of you. Really.”

You really meant it. You voice gentle, sincere - not flirty or leading her on.

“I’m not really in the right place for all this right now.” you continued, rubbing the back of your neck again.

“But I’m glad you told me. It means… a lot to me.”

Ahyeon looked down for a moment, then up at you again. Her lips curled into a smile, sad smile - like she already knew the answer but needed to hear it anyway.

“Can I still… get a hug?” she asked, her voice shaky.

You hesitated for a moment then gave her a small nod. “Yeah, of course.”

She stepped forward and hugged you, tightly. Not a light, polite hug - but one that held meaning. Ahyeon’s arms wrapped around you like she didn’t want to forget how it felt. You stood still for a second, surprised before placing your hand on her back gently.

One tap. Two tap.

When she pulled back, she didn’t let go fully. She looked up at you, eyes shining brightly. Ahyeon was beautiful in her own right, really beautiful. However, you had eyes for no one but Asa. Then, she leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to cheek - quick, trembling but deliberate. Your eyes widened a bit but you didn’t pull away. You just stood there, stunned.

“Oh…”

Ahyeon then smiled at you, small and a little sad but kind.

“My only chance to do that,” she whispered. “So I took it.”

“I’m always here for you if you need me, sunbae-nim. Just in case… Asa-unnie never says anything. Good luck with the announcement tomorrow, sunbae-nim.”

Then she stepped back, gave a small bow and walked away - graceful, composed, not looking back once. You stood there, still, that soft echo of Ahyeon’s words still lingered in the air.

Asa had seen everything. Her hands clenched tighter now. Minju was the first to move.

“Asa-ah. Let’s go.” she said quietly.

Asa didn’t reply. Yunah stepped in next, her voice lower, firmer.

“Come on. You don’t want to watch this.”

They each took one of Asa’s arms and pulled her away. Asa didn’t resist. But Ahyeon’s words stayed with her - heavy, bitter and maybe far too honest:

Just in case… Asa-unnie never says anything.

That night, Asa sat on her bed with her knees pulled to her chest, hoodie wrapped tight around her. Her room was dim, the only light coming from her desk lamp. Her phone lay untouched beside her pillow, its screen gone dark now. It had been almost 3 months since Asa stopped talking, or blocked you. She hadn’t cried. Not really. But something heavy was sitting behind her ribs - like regret that hadn’t found a way out yet.

Then, the door opened with a soft creak.

“You awake?” Lisa asked, in Japanese.

Asa didn’t answer, but she didn’ tell them to leave either. That was enough.

Lisa came in, barefoot, hair tied up messily. Chisa followed, already holding snacks like she’d known this was coming. Her sisters sat on either side of her, like muscle memory. For a moment, none of them said anything.

Then Asa whispered. “A girl confessed to him today. I saw him.”

Lisa looked over, already knew who it was. “Your taekwondo boy next door?”

Asa nodded. “Joonhyuk.”

She paused. Her voice steady, but the ache underneath was obvious.

“She’s… someone I know. I worked with her. We’re not bestfriend or anything, but still… she’s nice, pretty, talented. She noticed things have been off between us, so… she took her chance.”

Chisa didn’t say anything, just opened a snack and handed it to her. Asa didn’t take it.

“I’ve been pushing him away.” she said, “For like… almost 3 months now.”

“And he seems… not okay.”

Lisa leaned closer. “What do you mean?”

“He’s changed a bit. He barely eats. He looks thinner. He stopped looking at me. Yunah said he’s been falling apart… and I saw it today.”

She paused, biting the inside of her cheeks before continuing.

“He looks so tired. And when she hugged him, kissed him on the cheek… he didn’t stop her.”

That last line sat in the air for a moment. Chisa looked at her.

“Do you still have feelings for him?”

Asa didn’t answer.

“Because it sounds like you still do. A lot.” Lisa said softly.

Asa then stared down at her hands, thumbs digging into the cuffs of her sleeves.

“I don’t know if he still feels the same. I’ve been…”

Lisa’s hand reach out to smooth out a wrinkle on Asa’s hoodie.

“What about the windows?”

Asa blinked. “What?”

“You two used to talk through the windows at night, right?” she added, “You told us that once, how he used to knock like an idiot until you answered.”

Asa’s lips pressed into a thin line. She nodded, then added, barely audible:

“I shut him down. Months ago.”

Neither sister said anything at first.

“He tried,” Asa said softly, as if saying aloud made it worse. “He knocked a few times after that thing happened. I saw him and just… closed the curtain.”

“Well, he’s probably still waiting for a knock back.” Lisa exhaled quietly.

“Not anymore.” Asa replied. “He kinda… stopped trying a few weeks ago.”

The silence between them was heavier than anything else. Not judgmental - just full of things no one could fix for her.

“I miss him.” Asa finally admitted, almost to herself. “And it’s my fault.”

Lisa leaned her head against Asa’s.

“So fix it, you little devil,” she said. “While you still can.”

Later, after her sisters had gone back to their rooms, Asa lay in her bed, phone dimly lit her hands. She tapped through the stories - muted reposts, dinner hangouts, memes. Then one caught her eyes.

Ahyeon had posted a blurry photo of the school’s science wing hallway - soft colors, empty steps, and in the corner, a mop bucket and a backpack on the floor… your backpack. Asa knew it right away.

No people. No faces. But Asa knew exactly who it was. The caption just said:

“오늘도 수고했엉ㅇㅇ☁️”

(You worked hard today too☁️)

Asa then locked her phone, turned it screen down and pulled the blanket over her head. Not crying. Not yet. But wide awake - her heart loud in the quiet.

The next morning, the classroom was buzzing. Desks weren’t even straight. Students huddled near the TV, or leaned over their desks with phones open, waiting for the real and final broadcast. Even the teacher didn’t bother settling them down. You sat in the back. You looked calm, too calm. But anyone who was really paying attention could see the tightness in your jaw, the way your leg bounced under the bomb. Asa sat right behind you, silent. Her eyes flickered between the TV and the back of your head, not saying a word.

“Is it starting yet?”

"No, dumbass."

“Shut up! You’re making too much noise.”

“I gotta put this on my Instagram.”

The screen flashed:

대한민국 아시안 게임 국가대표 최종명단발표

(Final Asian Games National Taekwondo Team Announcement)

Students shushed each other. Many also gathered around your seat. The broadcast opened with dramatic music before the voice of the announcer came in and steady.

다음은 태권도 국가대표 최종 명단입니다.

(Next is the final team for Taekwondo.)

The room went still. You sat forward, elbows on desks, jaw tight now. Asa could see it in the line of your shoulders now - the tension, the weight pressing down just beneath your still frame. Then, under the desk, Yunah’s hand moved slightly then rested beside yours. You didn’t hesitate this time. You took it. It was quiet, Small. A simple gesture. Comfort. Because you looked calm, but you weren’t. You were about to find out if everything you’d worked for actually meant something.

Asa saw it. The small movement, the brief contact, the quiet way your fingers wrapped around Yunah’s. It wasn’t romantic, but it still hurt. Her gaze now dropped to her lap, but not fast enough to unsee it. Names of professional and a few university athletes were being called. Elite-level. Expected.

And then-

“서울 중앙고등학교, 서준혁.”

(Seoul Chungang High School, Seo Joonhyuk.)

Silence. Then the entire room burst into noise.

“Hey, it’s you, Joonhyuk-ah.”

“That’s our school! Oh shit!”

“I need a photo with you for my IG.”

“Only high schooler.”

“I helped you with that chemistry test, remember?!”

Your friends gathered around your seat in seconds. Someone shouted your name, and another slapped your back like you’d just won gold already. You didn’t say anything at first. You just sat there frozen, blinking. Then your lips curled into a stunned, slightly breathless grin. That smile. The one no one had seen in months. Yunah squeezed your hand once more before letting go.

Behind you, Asa didn’t cheer. Didn’t move. But her eyes were now fixed on your back. She used to be the reason for that smile. Now… she wasn’t sure what she was anymore.

That day, you chose not to celebrate with the class, saying that you wanted to spend time with your parents and celebrate the news. You lied. You needed some time alone.

On the walk home, the wind had softened a little, the kind of a late afternoon chill that tugged lightly at sleeves and hair. The buzz from class still lingered - the celebration, friends, cheering - but it was quieter, more peaceful out here. Asa walked home with Minju and Yunah that day. She hadn’t said much all day. Not until now.

“I don’t think I can do it anymore.” she said quietly.

Minju glanced over.

“Do what?”

Asa looked down at the pavement.

“Ignoring him.”

Those words came out small, like they’d been sitting inside her throat for weeks.

“I thought I could. If I waited long enough, the feeling would go away. But it’s not.”

Minju stopped walking. Yunah did too, hands tucked behind her back like she was waiting for this exact moment.

“Finally,” Minju said, sighing.

Yunah tilted her head, grinning. “So what, you’re gonna start talking to him again?”

Asa nodded, quietly.

“I don’t know, but I want to. I can’t stand doing this anymore.”

Yunah bumped Asa’s shoulder with her own.

“You better. Because if you don’t… I’ll take him.”

Asa blinked. “Huh?”

“I’m serious. He’s handsome. His hands are warm. His shoulders? Surprisingly nice.”

Minju snorted. “Stop, you two.”

But Asa smiled. Just a little. For the first time all day.

“You wouldn’t.” she muttered.

“You sure?” Yunah teased. “I’ve been holding his hand and sleeping on his shoulder, remember?”

Asa pouted at her, it didn’t hurt this time. Deep down, she knew Yunah didn’t mean it. She’d been keeping you steady while Asa was gone. And now… Asa wanted you back. They kept talking as they walked on the familiar street, laughter trailing behind them like it used to. It felt normal for a while. Familiar.

“So when are you going to say something?” Minju asked.

“Maybe tomorrow,” Asa replied, eyes ahead. “I just… needed some moment that’s not surrounded by 40 screaming classmates.”

“I mean, we all root for you guys.” Yunah added with a roll of her eyes.

They walked the park - the same one they had always passed through on the way home. The sun had now dipped lower now, painting everything in soft gold and quiet shadows. That’s when they saw you, alone. Sitting on one of the swings. Your school blazer was still on, a bit wrinkled. You were slouched forward, elbows resting on your thighs, hands hanging loosely. You weren’t moving. At first, they thought you were just tired. But then they saw it - the way your shoulders lifted slightly, the way your head dipped and your hand came up to wipe at your face.

“Is he crying?” Minju asked, gently.

You were. Not loud or breaking down. But enough that it broke the moment. Everything fell silent. Asa stared at you. She’d never seen you like that. Even after all those years next door, after all those injuries, even when she shut you out. And now, on a swing, in the middle of a quiet park - you looked like someone holding everything together with shaking hands. Yunah took a step forward, then stopped and looked at Asa.

“C’mon, he’s right there. He needs you.” she said softly.

Minju didn’t speak. She just waited. Asa’s breath now trembled as she walked toward you.

You didn’t notice anything. Not the wind, not the light, not the footsteps approaching through the gravel. You were hunched over on the swing. Your blazer sleeves were wrinkled from the way your arms rested against your legs, your eyes slowly turned red. You thought you were alone. You didn’t even hear Asa until she was right in front of you, until you noticed her shadow.

Asa stood in front of you, quiet, arms by her side, face unreadable. You looked up slowly, eyes red. She stepped forward and reached out, gently cupped your face with both hands. You flinched - not from her touch, but from the sudden closeness. But when you saw it was her, you didn’t pull back. You just stared and tried to catch your breath. She held your cheeks carefully, her thumbs brushing lightly at the edges of your face.

The moment you felt the brush of her thumbs, you broke down again. Not loud. No sobs. Just a sharp inhale - and then tears came crashing down. Your hands came up, covering hers while they held your face. Your head dropped slightly.

“I’m sorry, I…” you whispered. “I didn’t mean to…”

Asa stayed there, steady. She listened to you apologizing over and over again, like you’d been holding it in for months now and it had nowhere else to go. Her fingers curled slightly against your cheeks, grounding you.

“You don’t have to say that.” she said quietly. “I’m here now.”

You kept your head down. Her hands still holding your face still, like if she let go, you would completely fall apart.

“It’s not just you,” she added, her voice cracking. “I messed up too. I’m sorry.”

The words hung there - soft, honest, not dramatic. Just real. And for the first time in months, the space between you and the girl next door started to close.

That night, it was Minju who said it first.

“Let’s go out. I’m starving. And someone just became a national athlete.”

“You mean someone just cried like a kid on a swing set.” Yunah added with a smirk.

Asa shot her a look, but you didn’t even flinch. You were simply too tired to react.

“I’ll come.” you said quietly. “If you want.”

So the four of you ended up at a familiar spot not far from home - the cramped place with cheap food and tables that always wobbled a bit. The kind of place that you went to when you didn’t know what else to do. Minju and Yunah were buzzing with leftover energy. You, not so much. You slid into the booth like you almost ran out of energy. Asa sat next to you without a word. Minju leaned across the table, a grin already forming on her face.

“You know, Asa didn’t say a word all day. Then the second we saw you crying on a swing, she walked to you like a K-drama heroine.”

“It’s like episode ten - redemption arc before the kiss.” Yunah added with a smile.

She was already sitting next to Minju, so without warning, she turned dramatically and cupped Minju’s face with both hands, eyes wide and voice trembling like a cheesy lead actress.

“Don’t cry.” Yunah said in a mock- serious tone. “I’m here now, baby.”

Minju gasped, grabbing both Yunah’s hands. “I thought you moved on, my love.”

The two of them broke into laughter, practically leaning into each other like they filmed a whole drama scene.

“I regret coming here.” you said, while Asa’s face was blazing.

Yunah recovered first, still wiping her eyes. “No but seriously -” she turned toward you.

“- was that the first time you’ve cried like that?”

You hesitated, eyes on the bowl in front of you.

“I don’t remember. I’ve cried before but… I guess so.”

That pulled the air down for a bit, enough for the teasing to settle. Asa didn’t say anything. Her legs brushed lightly against yours under the table - intentional, grounding. She nudged your food closer to you and placed an extra piece of spam on your bowl.

Yunah raised her eyebrows.

“Look at her. Taking care of him now. How nice.”

“If she didn’t make a move today,” Yunah added, popping a piece of food in her mouth. “I was gonna. You’ve got great shoulders.”

You laughed slightly. Asa then hooked her arm around yours and issued her warning. “Back off.”

Yunah grinned. “Heh, there it is.”

Minju quieted a little then leaned forward again, this time with a serious tone.

“Hey… what about Ahyeon?”

The whole table paused. Not tense - just the kind of silence that made everyone glance around for how to play it.

“How did you guys know?” you asked.

“Yeah, we saw the whole thing. That was a bold move. Girl really went for it.” Yunah didn’t miss a beat.

Asa didn’t react outwardly, but her fingers tightened slightly around her chopsticks.

Minju looked at you. “You let her hug you and kiss you on the cheek, didn’t you?”

You blinked once, then gave a small shrug.

“I mean, what can I say?” you muttered. “Ahyeon’s kinda… cute.”

The whole table went silent. Asa then turned her head slowly, eyes narrowing. Your lips twitched like you were holding back a smile but you managed to keep your face mostly straight. Minju snorted. Yunah gasped dramatically.

“Cuter than some Japanese girl next door?”

You tilted your head, pretending to think about it.

“Mmm… different type of cute.”

Asa, without a word, picked up a small piece of 오뎅 (fish cake), dipped it in sauce with surgical precision before shoving it onto your tray, hard enough to make it bounce.

“Eat.” she said flatly.

“Ooh, someone’s jealous.” Minju let out a laugh, small enough for your table to hear.

Asa didn’t smile yet - but her knee tapped yours under the table again. You picked the piece of fish cake up and ate it. It tasted like comfort. Closeness. Maybe even forgiveness.

After dinner, the four of you walked together home - but slowly, the group thinned.

Minju and Yunah peeled off at their intersection, still laughing and whispering like middle schoolers.

“Don’t do anything weird you two.” Yunah called as she waved back.

“I’ll tell both your moms.” Minju added while giggling.

You and Asa kept walking. For a while, it was silent but not heavy, not awkward. Just quiet. Your steps marched naturally. The space between you two was small, familiar. Then, as the houses started to appear up ahead, Asa slowed a little. You glanced over. Asa’s head was slightly bowed, her hands buried deep in her blazer’s pockets.

“Hey.” she said softly.

“Hmm.”

She hesitated then looked up at you. “Come over tomorrow.”

You blinked. “Tomorrow?”

“Yeah, weekend.” she said quickly, then looked away. “Everyone’s out - my parents and sisters. I’ll cook for you. You can come early… if you want.”

You didn’t answer right away - just watched her for a second. Then Asa reached out and took your hand. No warning or explanation. Her fingers slipped into yours like she’d missed the feeling and didn’t realize how much until now.

“It’s been a while since we hung out. I want to make up for you since… you know. I feel bad.”

You gave her hand a small squeeze. Still walking, side by side. But somehow, everything between the two of you felt a little more okay now.

By the time you got home, your mom and Ms. Keiko was standing out front near the gates, deep in conversation. Something about neighborhood’s gossip or someone forgetting to return a dish - just the usual. They didn’t notice you at first. But then Ms. Keiko looked up - and gently nudged your mom with her elbow. They both paused.

You and Asa. Walking side by side. Still holding hands. Ms. Keiko blinked. Your mom tilted her head.

“...Well, look who’s back walking together again.”

Asa let go of your hand quickly, tucking hers behind like nothing happened.

“Hi, mom. Hi, Ms.” she said, not quite meeting her mother’s eyes.

You gave a sheepish bow, greeting both your mom and Ms. Keiko. The two moms just stared for a second - not judging, just surprised, they looked pleased, even.

“Did you two eat?” Ms. Keiko asked, though her smile gave her away.

“We did.” Asa muttered. “We’re… just back from dinner. With Yunah and Minju.”

“Yes, with uh… friends.” you added a little too quickly.

Your mom folded her arms, not bothering to hide her smile now.

“Okay, at least you’re eating again. And you’re home together. Again.”

Asa glanced at you once then opened her gate.

“Going in. Night.”

“Me too.” you echoed, ducking into your own.

Behind you, the two moms shared a quiet laugh.

“They’re being shy now.” Ms. Keiko said softly.

“I’m just glad they’re back together now.” your mom replied.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

The next afternoon was quiet. Warm sunlight filtered through the curtains in Asa’s living room, casting soft shadows across the floor. She had been cleaning since morning - wiping all the tables, checking the kitchen twice even though she had already prepared everything. She’d done her makeup, just lightly, nothing dramatic. Enough to feel a little more put together. Just because it had been a while since you last came to her house. The doorbell rang earlier than expected. Asa peeked through the window and saw you, standing awkwardly outside her gates. She walked out and opened the gates slowly.

“You’re early.”

“I’m the type to be early, always have been. Remember? ” you said, reminding her of the first time you came over years ago.

She smiled and for a second, you just stood there - like you were unsure what to do. Her short hair complimented her face without trying too hard, and a touch of make up that suited her a lot. It’s been a while since you saw her like this.

Oh, Asa wore glasses today.

“You look…” you started. “Trying new things today?”

She touched the frame lightly.

“Yeah, got them a while ago… Just never wore them.”

“Why today?”

She shrugged, eyes flicking off to the side.

“Wanted to try something out.”

“They suit you.”

She glanced at you, brushing her fingers over the edge of the frame.

“It’s just glasses.”

“Still, it suits you a lot, soy sauce ghost.” you said.

She turned to let you in, letting out a soft laugh.

“Come in. Be careful before I kick you out, and that was a long time ago, you meanie.”

Well, at least you’re allowed back in now. The gate clicked shut behind you. Inside, the house was quiet, the faint smell of something cooking lingering in the air. You stepped in, slipping off your slippers like you always did. From the kitchen, she called out:

“Come here.”

“Smells good already.” you said, following the scent. When you came to the dining table, her omu-rice sat perfectly on the table. It looked warm, golden, and neat. Asa had set the table neatly: two spoons, two cups of water, nothing extra.

“Sit.” Asa gestured toward the chair across from hers.

You obeyed, glancing at the plate then at her.

“You made all this?”

“It’s one thing.”

She sat across from you, fingers fidgeting near her spoon.

“You know I’ve always liked cooking.” she said quietly. “But it’s been a while since I made something for… someone.”

She didn’t say it was you, but she didn’t have to. You picked up your spoon to take a bite. You chewed slowly then looked up.

“It’s good.”

Asa blinked. “That’s it?”

“No, like… actually good. I forgot you’re good at this.”

“I didn’t forget you’re annoying, meanie.”

You smiled, then kept eating. She also took a bite of her own, but didn’t say anything for a bit. A silence settled, somehow strange. Maybe because you two haven’t been alone like this in a long time. You leaned back a bit.

“This is kinda awkward, huh.”

Asa looked up, her glasses slipping slightly. She pushed them back with one finger, cheeks slightly blushing.

“Yeah… a little.”

“Sorry, I should’ve dressed up more. You’re also being weird.” you said, giving her a half-smile.

“You’re the one that cried on the swing.” she muttered under her breath, shooting you a glance. It came out sharper than she meant. She then looked down at her food after a pause.

“Sorry. That was kinda low.”

She seemed honest, almost embarrassed. You didn’t say anything right away, reaching for your water and took a slow slip.

“It’s fine.” you said after a moment. “I probably deserved it.”

“No… still,” Asa added. “I didn’t have to say it like that.”

You glanced at her. She wasn’t looking at you, just fiddling with the spoon and pretending to fix her glasses again. You smiled, just a little to assure her.

“Apology accepted.”

Things weren’t perfect yet, but they may be getting there. One bite at a time. After you two were done eating, the tension between you had dulled. Asa pushed her bowl around then set it gently.

“Do you want to watch something after this?” she asked, eyes not quite looking at you. “Only if you’re not too tired.”

You glanced over at her. The question sounded casual, but there was something careful behind it. Maybe it was her way of reaching out, or maybe she just didn’t want the night to end on that sharp note earlier.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Okay, I’ll pick something.” she muttered, standing up and carrying her bowl toward the sinking, not without letting out a shy laugh. “You can do the dishes. since I cooked.”

You let out a short laugh, relieved by how natural that sounded. “Deal.”

By the time you finished cleaning up, Asa was sitting curled on the couch, blanket half-draped over her lap, flipping through the selections.

“There’s that new one - The Glory, you probably won’t get half of it.” she said, glancing at you briefly.

“You mean I’m too dumb?”

“I didn’t say that…” Asa replied, her voice playful now. “But you said it, so…”

You gave her a look as you settled down, not beside her on the couch but on the floor. Your back leaned against the base of the cushion just right near her knees. She didn’t complain - just shifted a little and tugged the blanket over her legs properly. She pressed play and the room went quiet except for the sharp, haunting opening of the drama. You rested your arms on your knees, eyes on the screen but your thoughts drifted with the soft, repetitive movement behind you - Asa’s fingers gently combing your hair. At first it felt a bit absent-minded, like she didn’t even realize she was doing it but she didn’t stop. You didn’t have to look to know Asa was watching closely.

Then, you remembered something - it had just come to you.

“You haven’t unblocked me, by the way.”

“...On what?”

“Kakao. Instagram, too.” you said, still facing the screen. “Not that I made, like, another two accounts to stalk you or anything.”

Asa went dead silent behind you. The drama kept playing, but her fingers had paused mid-motion in your hair.

“...Seriously?”

You gave a tiny shrug. “I didn’t follow myself or anything. Just… checked your profile, sometimes.”

She let out a sigh - half sign, half laugh, but it felt like shy disbelief as you heard her reach for her phone.

“I forgot.” she murmured. Then, more to herself, “I’m such a jerk…”

You felt the glow of her screen behind you. A few taps, then she cleared her throat.

“There. You’re free now, little birdie.”

You tilted your head back to glance at her. She was looking at her phone, deliberately avoiding your eyes, but you could see the faint pink in her cheeks.

“You sure? I’m gonna bomb you with a bunch of texts tonight.”

Asa rolled her eyes, but you saw the corner of her mouth twitched.

“I’ll block you again if you start being annoying.”

You now leaned your head back against the couch, smiling at Asa.

“You won’t. You missed me too much.”

She scoffed, not arguing. Her fingers resume their slow path through your hair, a little gentler now. After a pause, she added under her breath.

“Also… Was it true? What you talked about with Yunah… the bullying at the national team?”

Your body tensed for a second before you could stop it. You didn’t answer, but Asa knew just by the slow breath you let out.

“Can I… see it?” she asked, voice uncertain.

“You really want to see it?” you stayed still for a moment before turning back to look at her.

Asa nodded, not trusting herself to speak. You hesitated for a second before reaching up to tug the collar of your shirt to the side, exposing the bruise along your shoulder and upper back. It wasn’t fresh anymore, but still a bit ugly - dark around the edges, with some yellow fading through the middle.

She leaned in with her eyes locked on the bruises. She didn’t speak but somehow, you could feel the way her breath hitched. Trying to lower the heaviness down a notch, you spoke softly.

“It’s not as bad now. Still happens here and there, but… not like before.”

Asa didn’t move right away. She kept looking and then quietly slid down from the couch, the blanket slipping with her, and folded herself beside you on the floor.

“I’m sorry.” she whispered, voice already shaky. Before you could respond, she wrapped her arms around your arm and buried her face against your sleeve. You definitely felt everything - the warmth of her tears, sudden and real, soaking into the fabric of your shirt between her soft breaths.

“I’m so sorry.” she said again, voice muffled.

You didn’t pull away. Instead you leaned slightly toward her, letting your head rest gently against hers. There wasn’t anything you could say to make it better. But Asa being here, finally, that alone said enough. She stayed like that, clinging to your arm, face still buried against your sleeve. Her shoulders trembled, and her breathing came out uneven, little hiccups breaking between soft sobs she clearly didn’t want you to hear.

Heh… cute.

Then came the question, from her - quiet, broken.

“Why didn-”

Hiccup.

“Why didn’t you-”

Hiccup.

“tell anyone?”

Hiccup.

You glanced down at her, smiled faintly despite the weight in your chest.

“I dunno. Didn’t want to make it worse, I thought I could push through and maybe I did. We were also really distant then.”

Asa didn’t answer right away. Her fingers now curled tighter around your sleeves. Then came another hiccup, she spoke - voice wobbly, words half-swallowed by tears.

“I didn’t mean to be-”

Hiccup.

“-so far away. I just got lost in the anger and forgot to-”

Hiccup.

“-talk to you without feeling like everything might break.”

Hiccup.

Why are you still so beautiful, Enami Asa? You didn’t stop her there.

“I thought if I could keep the distance, but... but I just couldn’t stand seeing you so broken.”

Hiccup

“You still treat me like this… Even when I don’t deserve this.”

Her shoulders shook. You heard her sniffle hard, frustrated with herself for still crying and falling apart like this. You brought your hand up and gently placed it over hers.

“You think I’d stop caring about you, dummy? Asa-ah, look at you.”

She blinked at you with blurry, teary eyes and confused. “What?”

“You’re crying your heart out, sniffling all over my shirt, hiccuping every three seconds… and you’re still the most beautiful thing in this house.”

Her breath caught, and for a moment she looked like she was about to cry harder - but instead she laughed. Just once, feeling embarrassed.

“You’re stupid.” she mumbled, not without hiccuping.

You smiled and leaned your head back gently against hers. “And you’re ridiculous. But I missed you a lot.”

You and Asa didn’t say much after that. Asa stayed pressed to your side, arms around your arm, hiccuping softly as her tears slowly, quietly settled. And for once, neither of you needed to say anything more.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

A few months later, late August 2023

Since that night on the floor, things had been easier. Like something heavy had finally been set down between you and Asa.

Incheon International airport was busier than expected, but maybe things in your head were different. Everything felt muffled - the announcements overhead, the wheels of luggage sliding across the tile, even when the polite conversations between parents a few steps behind.

Your mom was talking to Asa’s. Lisa stood nearby, scrolling on her phone. Chisa had her arms folded, airpods in, nodding slightly to whatever she was listening to, but she kept glancing over. Asa stood a little apart from them all, hands playing with her phone, eyes on the floor.

You finished checking in, dropped your bag off, and turned back to them. No one moved first. Then your mom stepped forward, fixing the collar of your jacket with trembling fingers and cupping your cheeks - trying not to cry, but her tears were already there.

“Eat properly,” she said. “And text us as soon as you land. Not hours later, okay?”

“I will, mom.” you said, letting a small laugh. Your dad stood nearby, seemed like he held it better than your mom could - on hand on her shoulder, his head giving you a firm nod. No big speech but his eyes said everything. Her parents each gave you a brief hug and kind words, clapping on your shoulder and telling you to take care of yourself and not to skip meals. Lisa gave you a salute and half-smile, while Chisa handed you a small pouch of vitamin gummies “just in case”.

Asa was the last one. She walked forward slowly, stopping just in front of you. For a second, it looked like she wasn’t sure what to do - hands fidgeting inside her sleeves, eyes flickering up at yours, then away. Last night, you two had been up texting until almost 2AM by the way. Then, without a word, she reached out and pulled you into a hug.

“Come back safe,” she said into your shoulder. “And win something. Or don’t. Just comeback safe, dummy.”

You smiled against her hair.

“I’ll try to win something. No promises tho.”

Behind you two, the quiet click of a shutter broke the moment - your dad, camera in hand, pretending not to have been watching closely. He lowered it with a smile on his face, another one to add to your and Asa’s section in the family photobook.

“Family tradition.”

China was unfamiliar but fun. The heat was different, the schedule was relentless. From the moment you landed, it was media duties, team meetings, practices and more practices - barely time to breath. Cameras followed the squad everywhere, coaches barked orders and didn’t care if you were exhausted - no one was special anymore.

But somehow, you still found time for your family, for Asa. Late at night, after everyone else had passed out or gone quiet, you’d slip a quick text “u up?” or send her selfies of you or sometimes photos of Hangzhou scenery. Sometimes, you and Asa video called, even if it was just for a few minutes. She’d been in her room, curled under a blanket, half asleep.

And then, her smile was the only thing that made the noise fade.

On a rare day break, they let athletes breathe a little - no training, no cameras, just a few hours to roam the city like regular people. You roamed through the streets of Hangzhou, hands in your pockets - trying to take in all the scenery and finding souvenirs, gifts for yours and her family. The lake simmered under the afternoon sun, and the smell of roasted chestnuts drifted from a street cart nearby.

You wandered around street markets, temples, small shops… Hangzhou was truly beautiful. You then took out your phone.

[준혁선베🥋]

you’d like Hangzhou

it’s really pretty

better if you were here with me

You then took a quick picture of what was in front of you - willow trees leaning over the lake, boats gliding slowly in the distance, the water catching the light just right.

You sent a photo

romantic ㅎㅎ

Later, while you were browsing through things to buy, your phone buzzed.

[김아사🌸]

don’t say stuff like that, dummy

*crying Loopy emoticon*

i’m gonna start missing you more

A pause - then another message right after:

[김아사🌸]

…send me more pictures

and don’t forget me, idiot

ㅠㅠㅠ

You smiled down at the screen, thumb hovering over the keyboard

[준혁선베🥋]

as if i could

also when did we get this cheesyㅋㅋㅋ

The day finally came. The living room was packed, warm with noise and nervous energy. Both families had crammed onto the couch, the floor. Your dad had the remote in a dead grip, eyes glued to the TV. Ms. Keiko had brought over snacks, but no one was eating. Even Asa’s sisters had gone quiet.

They’d been gathered like this since earlier in the day - watching every match, flinching with every hit you took, holding their breath each time the screen froze or the score was too close. Cheers had broken out when you made it past the quarterfinals. Your mom had been crying since the first time the name “Seo Joonhyuk” appeared along WINNER. The tension never really left the room - not once.

Now, somehow, here they were. You, in the final.

“Is that his final?” Asa’s dad, glancing at the screen.

“Yeah,” your dad replied without taking his eyes off the TV. “This is it.”

After commercials, the screen showed the arena in Hangzhou - bright lights, cheering crowd, flags waving. And there you were, jaw tight, eyes tired but sharp under the headgear, stepping on the mat. Then the commentator spoke up when the screen cut to you adjusting your gear:

“And there he is, Seo Joonhyuk of South Korea. Seventeen years of age. One of the youngest finalists in recent Asian Games.”

“The boy had already taken out two top-ranked seniors today. Most of these athletes are in their twenties, with years of international experience. But this kid is still in highschool, Minsoo-ssi.”

“Ah, yes. He’s not the youngest gold hopeful or finalist ever, but in this weight division? It’s been a long time since our country has seen someone this young make it this far. And now, here he is - final match. One game from gold.”

“Well, he’s going to be quite a celebrity at school, no - in the country when he comes back.”

The camera zoomed in just as you were exhaling slowly through your nose. Your name flashed across the screen in bold white letters:

SEO JOONHYUK (KOR)

Asa was sitting cross-legged on the floor, hands tucked under her legs, unmoving. Her eyes never left the screen. The referee called both fighters to the center. You bowed and raised your guard.

“Joonhyuk showed incredible form today. He took a clean hit to the shoulder and still came back to win it with a spinning kick.”

“No sign of nerves as of yet, too. You’d think this was his third or fourth major tournament.”

Final match, you went up against China’s reigning silver medalist. Asa leaned in even more, eyes still fixed on you. The light from the screen flickered across her face, catching the faint shine in her eyes. No one in the room spoke.

Then - the whistle blew.

The first round was cautious. Both you and the other fighter tested the water with fast footwork, feints and soft clashes. You landed a clean body shot near the end.

“Good control from Joonhyuk. Striking at the right time.”

Asa muttered in her breath. “Come on, just take him down.”

The second round started faster. China’s fighter was aggressive - older, bulkier. You took a hit to the ribs that made everyone in the room wince.

Damn, that hurts like a motherfucking…

Asa’s hands flew up to her mouth, knuckles white. Your mom whispered your name like a prayer.

“Ooh… that one landed clean. That’s going to hurt but our country’s representative is still standing, thanks to his great footwork. Incredible composure.”

The round now ended with you down by two. Tension returned like a wave. The final round started.

“It all comes down to this. One more round. Can Joonhyuk actually pull this miracle off?”

You started low, circling and waiting. Then it happened. A perfect timed sidestep. A counter kick to the body. One point. The whole arena roared. Then again - you ducked under a wild strike, spun and with ten seconds left: a head kick.

The buzzer rang.

Shit…

Did I do it?

The scoreboard lit up. WINNER: SEO JOONHYUK (KOR)

The house exploded. Your mom sobbing into a tissue. Ms. Keiko was hugging her, smiling through glassy eyes. Asa’s dad stood up and clapped, stunned. Her sisters yelled out loud. Asa…Asa didn’t move at first, her hands were still over her mouth, eyes still locked on the screen.

You, on TV, falling to your knees with tears in your eyes. The team ran out to grab you.

Your dad shot up suddenly, heart pounding and sprinted out the front door to shout:

“MY SON IS A CHAMPIONN! AHHHH!!”

His voice rang as if it went all over Eungam-dong. Curtains pulled back. Doors opened. As if on cue, the whole neighborhood lit up - porch lights flicked on, neighbors cheered from their houses. Inside, Asa was still on the floor, tears streaking down her cheeks. She didn’t try to wipe them away. Her chest ached, but it was the good kind - full, bright and overwhelmed. You’d finally done it.

The cheers echoed like thunder in the Hangzhou gymnasium. You stood still for a second, breathing hard, not even realizing your fists were clenched. Then your coach clapped you on the back, and someone shoved the flag into your hand. You walked to the podium, trying not to trip over your podium.

Bronze. Silver. Then you - Center.

Your name was called again. You bowed, straightened. Cameras flashed from every direction as officials handed out medals. Everything felt like a blur, you felt like your eyes stung, maybe from the lights, maybe not. Before you even reached the interview zone, the cameras swarmed you. Mics were shoved forward. Flashes everywhere. Reporters calling your name in Korean, English, Mandarin-

“Joonhyuk! First Asian Games and gold at seventeen - how do you feel right now?”

“You beat two former gold medalists today. Did you expect this result?”

“People are calling you the prodigy of your generation. What’s next?”

You answered everything - about the fight, the preparation, your coach, your opponents. You smiled where you had to, bowed politely, gave the safest answers - the kind that you expected. But then came the question that made you pause.

“What are your plans after this?”

“School? Are you pursuing this full time?”

You hesitated for a second while the noise dimmed in your ears. That question had been sitting in the back of your mind for weeks. Your hands brushed the edge of the medal.

“Oh, I’ve been thinking about that…and”

“I think I want to go back to school. Just be a student again for a while, I don’t want to lose that part of myself.”

The room didn’t go silent - but it felt like the moment held. And this time, the cameras caught more than a soundbite, they caught honesty. You weren't let go after what felt like 2 hours of interviews, maybe interrogation.

That night, the hotel room was quiet. The medal sat on the nightstand beside an unopened bottle of water. Your phone buzzed - the screen lit up with her name you didn’t even hesitate.

“Hey.” you said as soon as you picked up, camera shaking lightly as you turned it to your face.

Asa didn’t answer right away, her eyes pink.

“You cried, didn’t you?” you said, smiling.

“I didn’t.” she mumbled, voice tight.

“You look like you cried.”

“I watched everything,” her lips wobbled, just a little. “I felt like I couldn’t breathe during the last round. Did you call your parents yet?”

You let out a soft breath, nodding as you shifted straighter on the bed.

“Yeah. My dad was still yelling when I called. He went outside and started screaming in the neighborhood.”

Asa gave a watery laugh, wiping under one eye. “We heard. I think half of Eungam-dong heard.”

Your smile slowly crept up and stayed on your face.

“They were proud. I could barely get a word in. My mom wouldn’t stop crying either.”

“Yeah, well… I was scrolling on Instagram. You were on everyone’s stories. Even Aheyon’s…” she puffed her cheeks.

“Ahyeon?” you perked up.

“She posted that kick you did. Some hearts too, apparently.”

“Wow, guess I went viral.” you muttered.

“Don’t let it get to your head, dummy.” she squinted at the screen.

“Too late. I might start charging for my autographs.” you laughed under your breath, leaning a bit closer to the camera.

“Better start practicing carrying my bag again.”

“Is that how you treat the national champion? Eungam-dong's hero? Personal bag boy? I caught the corners of your lips twitching by the way.” you grinned.

She scoffed, though her pink cheeks were already giving her away.

“You didn’t see anything.”

“Don’t try to act cool now, Asa.”

She buried her face in her blanket for a moment before peeking out again, eyes narrowed.

“You’re annoying.”

“You’re still here.” you said, leaning your cheek into your palm.

Not denying it, Asa rolled her eyes for a moment before speaking up again, this time softer.

“That thing you said. In the interview.” she murmured. “About school and everything.”

“Yeah,” you straightened slightly and your smile faded into something gentler.

“I mean it.”

She looked down a second and started tugging on a loose thread on her blanket.

“Really?”

“Uh-huh, all of this is nice but… I miss being normal. I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Coming back and living like a normal person might be what I want. Family, school, you.”

Asa went quiet at the last word, finger pausing on the thread.

“...You sound really sure.”

“I am.” you said. “I mean, taekwondo is nice. I’m proud of what I did. But I don’t want this to be my whole life. I want to go to uni too.”

She nodded, eyes not quite meeting yours.

“I’m coming back, for real.”

A smile tugged her lips.

“Well… you better.”

“Already got gifts for everyone. Your mom, your sisters… even your parents?” you grinned.

She raised an eyebrow. “And me?”

You leaned in just a little.

“Of course. Saved you the best one.”

Her cheeks flushed again.

“If it’s tacky, I’m not taking it.”

“You’ll love it.” you said “I found it while I was wandering around a temple. Don’t worry, not cursed.”

“You’re unbelievable.” she shook her hand, trying not to smile.

“And you’re still here.”

“Yeah, I am.”

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

The airport was a blur of flashing lights and shouting voices. Cameras swarmed as soon as you stepped into the arrival hall, reporters calling your name, trying to get a quote or a smile, anything. You bowed, gave a few short answers then made a quiet exit - your mind was already far from the noise. By the time the car pulled into your neighborhood, the air felt calmer. Familiar. There were yours and Asa’s houses standing side by side, like always.

Your mom was already outside before the car fully stopped, rushing over to hug you tight, tears coming up again. Your dad followed right after, full of pride but trying to play it cool. You dragged your bags through the gate, the weight of the medal still slung on your backpack.

“I got gifts.” you said with a grin, stepping into the house.

There were boxes with everyone - your family and Asa’s. Neatly wrapped, hand picked too.

“Uhm, that one’s for Asa’s parents.” you told your mom, “This one’s for Chisa-noona… Lisa-noona too.”

She smiled knowingly.

“And Asa?”

You held up a box, wrapped a little neater than the others. “This one is for her. She’s still at school, right?”

Your dad checked his watch. “Should be getting out soon.”

You nodded, heart already picking up a little. You were home, but it wouldn’t feel complete without her

“Oh, let me show you guys the medal”

…

[준혁선배🥋]

hey

come over

im home now

The moment Asa got home from school and saw your message, she froze mid-step in front of her front door. Her heat jumped, she hadn’t even taken off her shoes before she spun around and rushed out the gates. She paused at your gates, trying to smooth her hair with one hand awkwardly. The gate opened before she could ring the bell.

“Ah, Asa-yah” your mom greeted her warmly. “You just got back from school?”

Asa nodded, a little breathless.

“Uhm, hi, Ms. Joonhyuk texted me.”

Your mom chuckled softly, stepping aside.

“He’s in his room. Go on.”

She nodded, bowing slightly as she stepped inside, her ears were red. She made her way upstairs, foot tapping quietly against the floor. When she reached your door, she hesitated for a second before knocking once and peeking in. You looked back from your desk, surprised - then grinned the moment she saw you.

“Asa-”

You barely got time to stand before she buried her face against your chest.

“You’re back.” she mumbled, voice muffled and uneven.

You smiled, arms closing around her without thinking.

“Of course I’d come home, dummy. Did you miss me or something?”

Asa didn’t answer, not with words anyway. Her fingers gripped the back of your shirt a little tighter. After a moment, she pulled back just slightly, cheeks flushed but eyes brighter than before.

“I thought you weren’t coming until the weekend…”

“I mean, I miss home so…” you said, reaching down for something in your desk drawers. She blinked as you pulled out a neatly wrapped box tied with a red string.

“What’s this?”

“For you.” you held it out. “I picked it out myself. Took me forever to decide.”

She hesitated then took it with both hands, carefully unwrapping it. Inside was a soft polka-dot scarf made from traditional silk, dyed in a delicate shade of black - and folded underneath it was a small jade pendant, pale green with flecks of white, the cord still looped neatly.

“I got the scarf at a traditional market near the lake. Thought the colors suited you,” you said, watching her expressions carefully.

“The pendant’s from a temple. The monk said it’s for protection. A lot more in Mandarin but you know… I don’t speak Mandarin but I explained more to him with Google Translate and he just gave it to me, saying it would be nice giving this to someone special. I figured… uh, you could use it when I’m… not around.”

Asa didn’t say anything at first. Her eyes stayed on the contents of the box, fingers gently brushing over the silk, then the smooth surface of the jade. You could see her swallowing once, lips parting as if to speak - but nothing came out.

“There’s one more thing…uh, I’ll show the medal later.”

You reached down your backpack, this time pulling out a tiny, carefully wrapped bundle of paper.

“This one was harder. I had to really ask around, got pointed to this tiny shop like three alleys away. The guy didn’t even have a sign outside.”

Inside was a delicate wooden hairpin - dark lacquered wood with a small porcelain flower at the end, a faint pink glaze catching the light.

“I really had to ask if girls with short hair could use this, and it cost a bit too. But as soon as I saw it, I just thought of you, so… worth it”

Asa stared at it - completely still. Her fingers hovered for a second before gently picking it up, as if she was afraid it might break just by touch. The soft pink simmered faintly as she turned it in her hand.

“You’re so cheesy…” her voice trembled.

“Yeah, I know.”

She then set the hairpin carefully on your desk and looked back up at you. Her cheeks were already warm, eyes glassy. Then, without a word, she leaned in. Her lips pressed gently to your cheeks - soft, lingering just a second too long to be anything casual. Her hands touching your sleeves, grounding her. When she pulled away, she murmured.

“...Welcome, home.”

You felt the heat rise in your face, warm and deep. You just smiled - wide, full and a little breathless before whispering back.

“It’s good to be back.”

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

2024

The months that followed settled into an easy rhythm - long afternoons, late sunsets, the kind of warmth that lingered in the air and on your skin. Summer crept in without warning. School was waiting - the teachers had started dropping the word 수능* more and more, and study groups were forming whether you liked it or not. But the pressure hadn’t fully arrived yet. Not really. There was still time to breathe. And somehow, between mock exams and hakwon, things between you and Asa had never been easier.

*수능/suneung: a standardised test to enter universities in korea.

Neither of you had confessed - but everyone knew. Your classmates, the teachers, even random second-years passing by in the hallway. The way your desks drifted closer during break. The way she always saved a seat for you without asking. The way you always waited by the front gate, even if she was five minutes late. You shared notes, earbuds, hoodies… Fought over ice cream flavors and countless other stupid stuff. Argued about who was slacking off more - even though both of you were doing just fine. Some evenings, you’d sit on the steps between your houses, books closed, letting the atmosphere settle in while she leaned against your shoulder. She never said much in those moments, but she didn’t need to. You guys never said much in those moments, didn’t need to. It wasn’t labeled. It didn’t have to be. Whatever this was - it was steady, real, and quietly yours.

One summer afternoon, on your quiet 18th birthday, there was no birthday party, no cake, no noise- just like you asked for since you wanted to celebrate after Suneung - just the steady hum of the AC and Asa sitting cross-legged on your bedroom floor. She was wearing one of your old t-shirts that she stole during her daily visits to study together. You were leaning on the chair, stretching now and then, tapping a pencil against your desk. It was simple, nice and exactly how you wanted to spend the day. Hours passed in comfortable silence, broken only by the soft shuffling of paper, the occasional sigh and your usual teasing. Then somewhere between mock exam questions and shared gummies, the conversation drifted - the way it always did in summer.

“We didn’ really talk about this. What are you thinking for uni?”

Asa blinked, unsure but lowering her pen. “You first?”

You shrugged. “Yonsei. Computer engineering, probably. I’ve been interested in stuff like this since I was a kid, it just feels right - I guess.”

She stared at you for a moment then let out a tiny, breathy laugh.

“What’s so funny, dummy?” you asked, glancing over at her.

“I was going to say Yonsei, too.” Asa replied, lips curling into a smile. “Design major. They’ve got a good program. Fashion design and all that.”

You turned in your chair to face her fully. “You’re serious?”

She nodded, twirling her pen between her fingers. “Dead serious.”

Your brows lifted slightly.

“So we’re… doing this again?”

“Don’t say it like that, dummy. Plus we aren’t even sure if we are in yet.”

You leaned back in your chair, a grin tugging at the corner of your lips.

“I mean, still. Out of all the schools.”

Asa shrugged, trying to play it cool but you could see the happiness in the way her cheeks got pink.

“It’s a good school.”

“Same school.”

“You make it sound like I plan it in advance.”

“Didn’t you?” you gave her a look.

“Just shut up.” she scoffed, tossing a highlighter at you.

You caught it easily, chuckling. Then your voice softened.

“It’s been like… years now, huh? We’re both 18 now. Feels weird.”

Asa blinked, her expressions shifting just a little - less teasing and now more thoughtful.

“Yeah” she murmured. “We were dumb teenagers when I first moved in. Now we’re… almost not.”

You smiled faintly, then pushed back from your desk and slowly slid down from your chair to the floor beside the floor. She looked surprised, pausing her pen mid-air.

“What are you doing?”

You sat cross-legged facing Asa, the soft hum of the AC filling the quiet between you.

“I don’t know. Feels like I should be on your level for this. Feels like I should’ve done this a long time ago too.”

“For what?” she asked cautiously.

Before she could make another smart remark, you scooted closer and reached up gently, brushing a few strands of hair behind her ear. Your fingers lingered there, lightly playing with the ends. Asa’s eyes darted to yours, startled.

You took a breath and finally said.

“I’ve liked you since back then.”

“Since you moved in. Since the day I took you around the neighborhood and since we walked together to school.”

Her breath caught but she didn’t move away.

“And I guess I just… never stopped. Somewhere along the way, I think I started to love you. Maybe you knew already but…” you smiled. “I want to say it properly now. Enami Asa, I love you.”

Asa didn’t speak. So you gave her a second, your thumb still gently brushing against the edge of her short hair. Then, softly - like it had been waiting all this time - she whispered,

“I knew, dummy.”

You met her eyes now.

“Still needed to say it. Like out loud, officially.”

The two of you held your gaze for a second longer - quiet, with years worth of feelings now all out in the air. Then your hand slowly moved to cup her cheek, fingers light against her soft skin. Steady, like you’d decided a long time ago and now the moment finally caught up. And when your lips met hers - it felt like everything. Familiar, new, gentle and completely real.

Asa didn’t pull back. Her eyes fluttered closed, and for a second, everything else - school, exams, even the fact it was your birthday - just faded. It was just Asa and you.

You pulled back, slowly just enough to see her face - her eyes were still closed, cheeks flushed, lips slightly parted in disbelief.

“That was…” she blinked, breath catching. You didn’t let her finish. Instead, you leaned in again to steal another kiss, this one slower, maybe just a tad bit deeper. Your hand was still cupping her cheek, thumb brushing softly beneath her eye. When you pulled away, you rested your forehead gently against hers, grinning now.

“Had to do it again.” you whispered. “To memorize the taste of your lips.”

She blinked, dazed. “What?”

“MyChew?” you tilted your head slightly. “That gummies brand you like?”

You paused a bit for effect. “Peach, right?”

Her eyes widened as the realization hit - then she smacked your shoulder, face burning.

“Why would you say that in the middle of this?”

You laughed softly, nose brushing hers. “I knew it. Don’t try to deny. You’ve been snacking while I was focused.”

Asa groaned and buried her face in your shoulder, her fist lightly hitting your chest now.

“You’re the worst.”

“Yet, you kissed me back.”

She groaned again. A beat then passed, you leaned back just slightly, grinning.

“Yah, what about my birthday gift?”

Asa peeked up at you - still red, still flustered, still beautiful, now yours - and pointed wordlessly toward her tote bag sitting at the edge of your bed.

“There.” she mumbled. “It’s in there.”

You turned your head to glance at it, then back at Asa, raising a brow.

“One last kiss before I open it.” you whispered, tone light but serious. “Before my parents come knocking and catch us.”

“Joonhyuk-ah!” her eyes widened.

But you were already leaning in again, smiling.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

2025

You went through it all, the hakwon grind, the pressure. And when Suneung came and went, you held your breath together. In early December, the results came. You had finally made it - Yonsei, together. Your hard work had paid off, and now you and Asa were going to the same university, just like fate wanted.

You two hadn’t told your families that you were officially together yet. Not in words, anyway. But both sides were starting to suspect - too much eye contact, too many quiet walks home, and the way you and Asa always seemed to know what the other was thinking.

To celebrate, both families planned a joint trip - a weekend getaway to Jeonju, full of traditional houses, cozy alleys, and cafes, food stalls lined with delicious treats. Now, in the van heading south, you and Asa were squeezed together on the back seat, an iPad propped up between you two. You two were scrolling through Instagram and Tiktok - looking at cafes, hidden hanok spots and food must-tries, bookmarking places. Asa was leaning her head on your shoulder.

“Ooh, look at this one.” Asa tapped the screen.

“They do those layered lattes with some kind of weird foam.”

You leaned in, squinting.

“You just want it for the glass cup. You’re gonna take a few photos and forget about the drink.”

Asa elbowed you lightly.

“Shut up. Do you want to go or not?”

“Of course.” you admitted, grinning.

From the front, you two could hear Ms. Keiko whispering something to your mom, followed by a round of giggles. Asa gave you a side eye.

“They’ve been whispering about us since we left Seoul.”

“Maybe they’re finally figuring it out.” you said without looking up.

“Well…” her cheeks turned faintly pink. “They don’t know anything.” “Does it really matter?” you smiled, nudging her knee with yours. “So, which one are we hitting?”

That night, after a long day of sightseeing, souvenir shopping, and taking too many awkward family group photos, both of your families gathered at a traditional restaurant tucked in an alleyway lit by warm lanterns. Laughter echoed across the table, parents chatted like they couldn’t talk at home, Asa’s sisters had gone quiet, full from the food. Then, after the dishes were cleared and tea was poured, Asa leaned toward her mom with puppy eyes.

“Can we go out for a bit? Me and Joonhyuk? Just the two of us. There’s a cafe nearby we saw earlier.”

Ms. Keiko raised an eyebrow, glanced briefly at your parents - who were already half smiling.

“You’ll be back by ten.” she said.

Asa nodded, already standing. You stood too, grabbing your jacket.

“We won’t be long, Ms.” you said.

Your moms exchanged looks - the one that said they knew but chose not to say anything about it.

As you two wandered into the soft, golden, evening light of Jeonju’s quiet streets - Asa turned heads, and not only yours.

She wore a short, white dress that hugged her figure just enough, the fabric catching the warm glow from lanterns above. The delicate cap sleeves and ruched bodice gave Asa a soft, vintage charm - but it was the black polka-dot skinny scarf tied around her neck that made the look hers. Elegant, a little playful but full of meaning. You couldn’t help but smile like an idiot.

“You’re wearing the scarf.”

Asa gave you a small nod, not looking at you right away.

“Of course, my boyfriend bought it for me… when he won a gold medal in China.”

“I’m still not used to you calling me that yet.” you let out a small laugh.

“Maybe I should start calling you ‘my boyfriend’ more often.” she teased.

The gift you’d picked out after wandering the streets of Hangzhou for what felt like hours now sat perfectly against her collarbone, swaying lightly with each step. You walked side by side through the quiet streets, rooftops outlined against the beautiful sky of Jeonju. The air had cooled since sunset, just enough to make her shiver without realizing it. Before she could say anything, you had already slipped off your jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

“I’m fi-”

“No, you’re shivering.” you smiled. “Just take it. I’m fine.”

She didn’t argue now. Just smiled faintly and clutched the jacket around herself tighter. A few steps later, she reached down and gently laced her fingers into yours.

“You’ve been staring.” she said, eyes forward but her smile tugged at her lips.

“You wore that dress on purpose,” you replied, squeezing her hands. “And it’s working.”

“I know, you’re head over heels for me.” she added, tilting her chin up smugly - but her red ears gave her away.

“Since when are you full of yourself?”

“You’re the one staring, ‘boyfriend’.”

You didn’t deny it.

By the time you arrived at the cafe - a traditional style place with glowing lighting and soft romantic music spilling out the door. The sky now had dipped into soft purples and navy blues. The scent of roasted beans and sweet desserts welcomed you in. You ordered for the both of you as Asa went ahead and grabbed a window seat, slightly hidden behind a bookshelf. The cafe was warm and the sound of ‘Romance Symphony’ by Jay Park, Big Naughty and Changmo was playing through old wooden speakers. The song settled in the air softly, giving you and Asa a cinematic kind of softness.

Asa sipped her drink quietly while looking out the window, one hand still wrapped in your jacket sleeve.

“This place is nice.” she said, chin in her palm. “I could stay here for hours.”

You grinned. “Careful. Your mom would kill me.”

She was smiling again, the kind that softened her face. The beat dipped along with the clinking of mugs and cafe chatter. Then, her eyes lit up. She leaned in a bit, pressing her nose to the window and scanning a connected gallery room to the left.

“Wait. Look in there.”

You followed her gaze. There was another space behind the window - great lighting, expensive looking wood and a mural stretched across the back wall. A low bench sat beneath it, clearly meant for photos.

Her head tilted slightly, lips pouting.

“Can you take a few pictures for me there, please?”

You smiled. “You know I can never say no to you, Asa-ah”.

She stood up, tugging you lightly with her hand.

“C’mon. While no one’s in there.”

You followed her into the next room. Asa then stepped in front of the mural and turned back to you before taking off your jacket. The lights above framed her perfectly, casting a glow over her short hair and highlighting the soft sway of the scarf at her neck. Her dress fluttered a bit when she moved. She posed effortlessly while you were trying to focus on snapping pictures and showering her with praises.

“Okay, let me see.”

She crossed the short distance back to you and leaned close, her hand on your wrist as she scrolled through the shots with her eyes lit up.

If you want, I can be your Mozart and Brahms

If you want, I can be your Yuki, Yiruma

The song kept playing in the background, while you and Asa were in your own world.

“These are good…” she said. “I look pretty.”

“My girlfriend always looks pretty.” you said easily.

If you want, can I be your 창모?

몰랐겠지만 나 형 랩 잘 따라 불러

Asa looked up, maybe about to give a smart remark on your compliment when your hands found her waist, guiding her closer. And then, without a word, you kissed her.

The music, the mural, the whole world faded behind you and Asa.

If you want, I can be your Dok2 and the Quiett

If you want 말해 뭐해, 다 돼 주고파요

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

yayy!!! my debut series/fic is finally done!!! thank u so much for the support along the way. i really hope u guys like the ending. all that talk was just for fun lol, i hate angst

i wrote the ending while i was listening to romance symphony and scrolling through those pics of asa lol

#babymonster asa #asa x male reader #asa x reader #enami asa #male reader #asa #babymonster #kpop #kpop male reader #fluff #ahyeon #Spotify

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hellaverse-critical-confessions · 8 months ago

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(from this video)

#not a confession #helluva boss #the fact that they even mentioned Chaz just made me screech mentally #because... you know. if you've read my oneshot you know #but yes exactly. I also tie back to him the fact that Millie was so serious and untrusting during the flashback #(to be fair. being a mercenary is cutthroat business. but even while fighting and killing she seems a lot goofier nowadays)#how the timeline works in my head is #affair in Wrath. Chaz bounces to another ring and breaks her heart. she stays home for a while after that before moving to the city in Prid #she could've had her walls up out of a sense that the city slickers would only betray her #Chillie seems significant to me bc we've SEEN just how MUCH it takes for Millie to snap when it comes to loved ones and their bullshit #let alone turn from loving affection to seething murderous hatred #so you KNOW that whatever happened between her and Chaz WOUNDED her. or at least offended in a huge way idk #someone on AO3 wrote it so he cheated on her with her sister. like yeah that could do the job alright #though that does imply she loved him which is easily the biggest plot hole here. like. look at that thing #what is there to love #about Chazwick Thurman #he's an embarrassing roach with a dick complex #(also my girl Sallie would never have standards that low. please. she's also a lesbian now but that's another thing)#tbf Chaz and Blitzo are quite similar... except Blitzo has way less shallow writing... I wonder if that could be explored #her currently being so close to someone who is in theory strongly reminiscent of her ex. putting up with so much from him too #ah but I shan't keep talking Chillie. we'd be here all night if I tried to explain all my mental lore #isn't it funny how I've thought so much about them despite despising S02e03 and becoming physically ill by Chaz's sceentime #on my first watch #and then never watching it again #it's just the Concept of him alright. like shared ex of M&M who's a conman a loser a former mafia goon & whores himself to survive #who are you and how did you get here #plus the fact that he's a shark bc sharks are so cool. did you know threshers harm and even kill prey by whipping them with their tails #wish we could've seen that #I love it when anthros have their animal traits acknowledged #wow the tags here really derailed from the original screenshot. ignore them please 🙏

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once-in-a-half-life · 1 year ago

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my friend and I have developed a sort of "tradition" or something where we doodle a little G-Man on each other's mirrors whenever we visit each other lol

the first three are mine, the rest is hers (featuring Gordon Freeman in his hev suit that she drew from memory haha)

#half life #gman #my stuff #art #i guess?#why the mirror? she has a habit of writing things on her mirror (like stuff that we want to do on that day together) so it kind of caught o #she doesn't know half-life or gman as well as I do but she's really chill with my current obsession and with me constantly talking about it #and i really appreciate that haha <3 #i made her sit through a powerpoint presentation about half life once to explain everything to her #and to help her understand the tons of G-Man memes and videos I have collected lol #the presentation lasted a few hours. not because the powerpoint was that long but bc I talked so much and showed her all the G-Man speeches #did i mention I know them all by heart? one night we even did a sort of cosplay... thing where I put on a suit (a black one sadly)#and recited them all. was a lot of fun haha #anyway enough rambling #its funny that she tried to draw him realistically while I just made G-Man into a silly little guy... my silly little guy <3 #artemis rambles

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kthologue · 3 months ago

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operation: get over your childhood crush! — gojo satoru

synopsis. in an attempt to move on from your childhood best friend—who definitely doesn’t see you the way you want—you hatch a series of plans to help you get over him. it doesn't go as planned.

contents. hurt/comfort, fluff, nerd!gojo, college au, childhood friends to lovers, mutual pining, unreliable narrator, miscommunication, insecurity, dorky references bc u make him go dumb and digimon inaccuracies probably

notes. i did not proofread this monster!! enjoy :P

The hum of the air conditioning fills the room as night settles in, the light from Satoru’s bedside lamp casting a soft glow over his mess of a room. You’re both sprawled out across his bed, limbs entangled like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Because, for the two of you, it is.

Satoru’s Nintendo Switch is balanced on his stomach, hands lazily tapping away as his little Digimon charges into battle on screen. You’re curled into his side, one leg hooked around his and a blanket thrown haphazardly across you both. The half-abandoned textbooks sit at the edge of the mattress, tragically ignored. Another study session: failed. Not that Satoru needed it. He passed everything with flying colors. It was more of an excuse for you to come over.

“Your room still smells like that cheap vanilla air freshener,” you mumble, nose scrunching.

“That’s because you bought it,” he replies without looking up, thumb expertly guiding his character through an attack.

“Because your room would end up stinking with sweat and whatever freaky stuff you do in here.”

“Hey!” He whines. “I shower everyday and you know it. The stink is all you. Have you ever sniffed yourself, princess?”

You swat at his stomach, and he lets out a dramatic grunt. “Rude. I brought that candle to add ambiance.”

“Ah yes,” he deadpans, “nothing like artificial sugar scent.’”

You snort, settling your head back down on his shoulder, the fabric of his hoodie soft beneath your cheek. There’s a long pause before you say, “You know, if we fail our exams, I’m blaming your Digimon addiction.”

He grins. “I’m raising digital warriors, thank you very much. And I’ve never failed an exam, don’t wound me now!”

“They look like mutant toddlers with attitude problems.”

He gasps, clutching his heart. “They’re champions, you monster.”

You laugh, letting the sound dissolve into something quieter as your fingers absentmindedly trace a pattern into the blanket. His hand rests near yours. Not holding it. Not not holding it.

His glasses are tilted again. Of course.

You reach up and straighten them with a sigh. “Honestly, you’d be lost without me.”

“Not true.” He says it reflexively, then pauses. His voice softens. “Okay, maybe. I’d probably just let them slide down until I walked into a wall.”

You smile faintly. “And there’d be no one there to patch you up.”

“Tragic,” he agrees. “Would bleed out on the floor, probably.”

“You’re so dramatic.”

“You’re so bossy,” he counters, shooting you a sideways look.

“Admit it,” he says, voice full of faux-smugness, “you’d miss me if I died tragically and left you all alone.”

You hesitate for a second too long before mumbling, “Don’t joke about that.”

It’s quiet. The game music loops in the background as his Digimon wins the battle with a triumphant fanfare.

He doesn’t say anything.

You suddenly feel too warm under the blanket. The joke had been harmless, stupid even.

But something inside you twists, the same something that’s been unraveling lately every time he mentions another girl.

Another type. That’s not you.

“You know,” you say slowly, eyes peeling from the screen to his phone, which lights up with a notification, revealing one of his favorite gravure model’s latest issues as its wallpaper. “You could probably date any girl you wanted. Why do you partake in freak stuff like this? It’s anti-girl repellent.”

He makes a noncommittal sound. “Doubt it.”

“I don’t. You’ve got that whole genius-who-doesn’t-realize-he’s-hot thing going on.”

He glances at you, skeptical. “Is that a thing?”

“It is. Annoying, but effective. Girls love it.”

He hums, clearly amused, cheeks slightly flushed. “Well, good to know I have options.”

You try to laugh, but it catches in your throat.

You shouldn’t ask. You really shouldn’t.

But you’re lying in his bed. Wrapped up in him like you belong here. And some part of you aches to know the answer.

So you pretend it’s a joke. You tilt your head against his shoulder, voice airy, teasing. “Hey, be honest—do you think I’m cute?”

He goes still.

His hand tightens slightly on the Switch. You think you’ve pushed too far, so you try to backpedal before he can respond.

“Not like… like that,” you say quickly. “I just meant, like, in general. Compared to those girls you’re into. Say, Waka Inoue. You know, long legs, shiny hair, cute face?”

His jaw tightens.

You’re still trying to play it off. “I mean, I’m not fishing for compliments. I just—was wondering.”

He finally turns to look at you.

His gaze lingers. And for the first time all night, he’s not smiling.

You feel your breath stutter in your throat underneath his gaze.

Then he shrugs.

“…Nah.”

It slices through the air with quiet finality.

Your heart drops. You don’t let it show. Not fully. But it must flicker in your face, because he quickly looks away.

You laugh. It sounds forced.

“Yeah, that’s fair. I mean, I wasn’t expecting a yes or anything.”

He’s silent.

You shift away from him slightly, giving him space. “I should head home soon. We didn’t really get any studying done, anyway.”

“It’s late. Why don’t you stay the night?”

Usually, you’d accept his offer with a smile, but you really wanted to go home and wallow in your own self pity.

“It’s fine, I have something to do anyway,” the lie slips out of your mouth easily as you begin to pack your things.

And you miss the way he watches you—guilt in his eyes, frustration on his tongue.

You knew it was time. Twenty years of hopeless, fruitless pining had done enough damage to your heart.

It had started the day your parents moved next door. Satoru had been the loud, obnoxious, too-pretty-for-his-own-good boy on the playground who shoved candy in your hand and asked if you wanted to be friends.

You’d been doomed since day one.

And to make things worse, you’d both gotten into Japan’s most competitive university—together. Same neighborhood. Same school. Same train route. You weren’t just stuck with him. You were haunted.

But you were young and hot. And allegedly in your prime. You couldn’t keep orbiting around a guy who still thought microwave gyoza was a food group and used your shampoo because it “smelled like you, so why not?”

You were sipping coffee with your two closest friends, and today’s topic was—unfortunately—your love life.

“Honestly, I can’t believe you’ve been stuck on Gojo for this long,” Utahime said, disgusted, as she stirred her latte like it personally offended her. “You could do so much better.”

“It was kind of cute in high school,” Shoko added “but now it’s just sad.”

You sighed, blowing on your drink. “I know, okay? It’s not like I haven’t tried. But he’s literally the only guy I’ve ever been close to. I don’t even talk to guys besides him.”

“That’s because he’s been gatekeeping you since the two of you met,” Utahime said flatly. “I swear, every time someone so much as glanced at you, he pulled that overprotective act.”

You wrinkled your nose. “That doesn’t sound like ’Toru…”

Shoko and Utahime exchanged a look. One of those knowing glances.

Utahime cleared her throat. “It doesn’t matter! What matters is you are hot. You’ve got the face, the body, the grades, the personality. You just need the confidence.”

You peeked up at her, unsure. “You really think so?”

Utahime leaned forward, smirking like she’d just won a war. “I know so. And that’s why I’ve come up with a plan.”

You narrowed your eyes. “A plan?”

She slammed her hands down on the table, eyes alight. “Operation: Get Over Gojo Satoru.”

You blinked. “That’s… a long title.”

Shoko blew a slow stream of smoke. “It’s either this or pine until you die and haunt him as a love-sick ghost.”

You stared into your cup, sighing. “Fine. I’m in. What’s step one?”

Utahime grinned.

“Whatcha doing?”

Gojo’s voice drifts lazily over your shoulder, followed by the soft rustle of his hoodie as he leans in. He’s far too close, obnoxiously so, his breath tickling your ear and his chin was nearly resting on your shoulder.

You don’t even glance up. “Studying.”

The two of you are supposed to be studying— finals loom overhead like a guillotine, but as usual, very little academic progress has been made. Mostly because your study partner is a six-foot-something genius who insists on sitting sideways in the booth, long legs tangled in yours under the table like it’s second nature.

He hums, skeptical. “Liar.”

You hum noncommittally, thumbing through the dating app Utahime suggested with vague disinterest. The guys blur together: not tall enough, too cocky, too bland, too not Satoru. One makes a joke suspiciously close to a Gojo classic, and you immediately hit unmatch with a scowl.

“Wait,” Satoru says slowly. “Are you on a dating app?!” He practically yells the last part. Half the cafe turns to glare at the source of the disruption.

You hiss under your breath, mortified, swatting at him. “Keep your voice down, idiot!”

His eyes widen dramatically, hands thrown up like you’ve stabbed him. “I leave you alone for two minutes and you’re already planning a life with someone named ‘Keita, aspiring poet and spiritual healer’? I’m wounded.”

“You weren’t supposed to read that far.”

“I’m a speed-reader,” he says with a smug grin. “It’s part of the whole ‘genius’ thing.”

Before you can argue, he snatches your phone with a level of ease that tells you this isn’t the first time he’s done something like this. He grins like he’s won a prize.

“Satoru!”

“Relax, I’m not texting anyone,” he says, fingers flying across the screen. “Just optimizing.”

Your heart drops. “What are you typing?”

“Nothing~”

You make a grab for your phone, but he effortlessly leans back, holding it above his head with those ridiculously long limbs. You glare at him from across the table, arm outstretched like a furious cat trying to swat at the moon.

“Give it back!”

“Patience.”

“Gojo Satoru—”

“Okay, okay!” he relents with a dramatic sigh, finally placing your phone face-down on the table like he’s done you a huge favor.

You snatch it up immediately, eyes scanning for damage. No weird messages. No unsolicited likes. No new matches.

“…What did you do?”

“I didn’t message anyone,” he assures, too innocent to be trusted. “I’m not that cruel.”

You narrow your eyes, suspicious.

“But,” he adds with a grin, “I didn’t know you were dating.”

“I’m not,” you mutter, clicking your phone off. “Just considering it. Trying. It’s not going well.”

“Good.”

The word comes out too fast. Too sharp. And his face doesn’t match the light tone he’s trying to play off.

You raise an eyebrow. “Good?”

He shifts, leaning back in his seat, suddenly very interested in stirring the foam in his overpriced coffee. “I mean, it’s good you’re not settling. You should be picky. Guys are the worst.”

You snort. “You are a guy.”

“Exactly. I know what we’re like.”

You smile despite yourself, rolling your eyes. “I’m sure you think you’re the exception.”

“I know I am,” he says, winking. Then he sobers slightly, eyes flickering to yours. “I’m just… looking out for you.”

The sincerity in his voice makes your chest ache. You wish it was more than just him being protective in that big-brotherly, annoyingly loyal kind of way.

You take a sip of your coffee to cool your nerves. It doesn’t help. The words come out before you can stop them.

“You know with the way things are going… maybe you should just date me at this point.”

Silence.

It’s a joke. Supposed to be. But the second it leaves your lips, it tastes real.

Gojo freezes.

You panic. “I didn’t mean—like, I was just joking—”

But he turns toward you, eyes unreadable behind the fringe of snowy white hair. “Maybe I should.”

You blink.

And then, with infuriating ease, he grins.

“Anyway,” he says quickly, swiping your phone from the table again before you can stop him, “Yuto here looks like the type to ghost you after three dates and a karaoke duet. You can do better.”

You gape at him, completely thrown off, your heart slamming in your chest.

You don’t even notice what he’s done until later—until you get home and open your app to find that your bio has been changed.

Taken. Mentally married to a nerd since birth.

You want to scream.

Operation: Get Over Gojo Satoru?

Yeah. Not going great.

Not at all.

You weren’t sure why you agreed to it.

Maybe it was the look in Utahime’s eyes, so determined and hopeful. Maybe it was Shoko promising she would help you find true love. Maybe it was the quiet part of you that wanted to see yourself through someone else’s eyes. Someone who wasn’t Gojo Satoru.

“Today,” Utahime had declared, curling the last strand of your hair like she was threading a spell, “is the first day of your Gojo-less future”

You laughed nervously, tugging at the hem of your skirt. It wasn’t your usual style—not the dewy makeup you weren’t used to seeing in the mirror, not the new haircut that made your eyes look almost too bright, not the blouse that left your shoulders bare in a way that made you feel strangely noticed.

But when you caught your reflection, your heart fluttered. You looked beautiful.

When you stepped onto campus, the sun was out, the wind teasing your hair. You spotted him immediately—Gojo, slouched against the wall outside your lecture hall, nose buried in his Switch as he muttered something under his breath about evolving stats and attack modifiers.

He didn’t notice you at first.

Then he looked up.

His game froze mid-battle. His mouth opened. Then closed. Then opened again, like someone had unplugged his brain.

“Wha—” he said eloquently. “Wh—what did you do.”

You blinked. “Hi to you too.”

He stared, unabashed. His glasses were slightly crooked, his ears glowing scarlet. He looked like someone had just told him Digimon was real and living in your shoes.

He blinked. “You look like… like you skipped two evolution stages overnight. Straight to Mega. Like if Angewomon fused with… I don’t know, some kind of rare, limited-release goddess-type Digimon that only spawns on a lunar eclipse.”

You blinked.

Utahime’s voice in your head: You’re hot. Unstoppable. He’s going to be speechless.

And Gojo was. But not in the way you wanted.

You tried to laugh. “So I look like a cartoon?”

“A beautiful cartoon,” he said, serious now. “Like the kind of boss character they only show for two frames because animating her costs too much.”

Your heart stuttered. It was the sort of compliment only Gojo could give: clumsy and dorky, yet brilliant in its own way.

But the moment passed.

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away, sunglasses slipping slightly as he muttered, “You just… you look different. That’s all.”

Different.

Not better. Not prettier.

Just different.

You swallowed. “Yeah, well. Thought I’d try something new.”

“I didn’t say it was bad,” he added quickly, but the words felt unsure. Flimsy.

“I should… use the restroom,” you mumbled, turning before he could say anything else.

In the bathroom, you stared at your reflection. Your lipstick looked too bold now. Your lashes too heavy. Despite the change, you were still painfully you— the you Gojo teased during study sessions, the one he let borrow his hoodie when it rained, the one who sat next to him during endless all-nighters. And maybe that was the problem. You weren’t like those girls on the magazines.

What you didn’t see, what you couldn’t see, was Gojo still standing outside the lecture hall, staring after you, Switch forgotten, game over screen blinking on the screen.

He didn’t even notice.

“You good, Satoru?” Shoko asked, walking by.

He blinked. “I think I just saw my best friend… and my final boss… and my future wife… all at once.”

Shoko snorted. “You’re a dork.”

Gojo just sighed, shoulders slumping as he muttered, “I’m so doomed.”

It’s a mild Friday evening when you meet him—Kazuya, the guy from your psychology class. He’s polite, articulate, and kind of cute. The kind of guy who asks if you prefer cats or dogs before ordering his drink, and actually listens when you answer.

Utahime and Shoko had insisted you say yes. “A change of pace,” they called it. “You need a baseline. Not every guy is going to be Gojo Satoru.”

Exactly. That was the point.

You’re sipping a matcha latte and nodding along as Kazuya explains his thesis on cognitive development when a very familiar voice cuts through the air.

“Well, well, well. Fancy seeing you here.”

Your stomach drops. You look up, and sure enough—

Satoru.

In all his tall, obnoxiously eye-catching glory, wearing a white t-shirt that was inside out and a grin like he just won the lottery. He's holding a bottle of ramune and standing directly next to your table, like he’s been there the whole time.

You blink. “What are you doing here?”

He shrugs. “Thirsty. Wanted a drink.”

“At this café? On this side of campus?”

“Yeah,” he says, tone innocent. “Weird coincidence, huh?”

Kazuya offers a polite smile. “You’re her friend, right? Gojo?”

“Oh, best friend. Lifelong. Practically her shadow.” He plops into the empty seat beside you without asking, casually tossing his ramune onto the table. “What’s your name again? Kaname?”

“…Kazuya.”

“Right, right. I always mix those up. You look like a Kaname, though. Or maybe a Yusuke.”

You stare at him, incredulous. “Satoru—”

But he’s already leaning over, squinting at the book tucked under Kazuya’s arm. “Ooh, Piaget. Bold move. Love that for you.”

Kazuya blinks. “Do you… like developmental theory?”

“I like being correct,” Gojo says with a cheeky smile. “Also, [Name] hates Piaget. She called him ‘the Freud of toddlers’ last semester.”

Kazuya turns to you in mild surprise. “Really?”

“I—I mean, yeah,” you mumble. “Sort of.”

Gojo beams. “Told you.”

Kazuya makes a valiant effort to steer the conversation back to safe, neutral ground.

“So, you mentioned you're interested in behaviorism, right?” he says, offering a gentle smile. “I thought Dr. Takeda's lecture on conditioned responses was kind of fascinating—”

“Oh, riveting,” Satoru cuts in, lounging back in his chair like he owns the café. “Nothing like bonding over Pavlov’s dogs to spark romance. Did she tell you she cried during Inside Out because the depiction of core memories was ‘psychologically resonant’? Real charmer, this one.”

You shoot Satoru a look. “I was twelve!”

Kazuya blinks, trying not to smile. “I actually thought that was pretty moving, too.”

“Wow,” Satoru deadpans. “A match made in neuroscience.”

Kazuya laughs politely and continues, undeterred. “So, uh, any research plans after graduation?”

You open your mouth to answer, but Satoru beats you to it again.

“She used to want to be a vet. Cried when she had to dissect a frog in middle school. Tragic day.”

“Is that true?” Kazuya turns to you, amused now.

“Technically, yes,” you mutter into your drink.

By the time your cup is empty, you realize you’ve laughed more at Satoru’s interjections than you have at anything Kazuya’s said. Not because Kazuya wasn’t interesting—he was. He was calm, thoughtful, well-read, and clearly trying. But next to Satoru, whose entire presence seemed impossible to ignore, Kazuya didn’t stand a chance.

Still, to his credit, Kazuya maintains a steady, if slightly strained, expression as he sets down his cup and finally says, carefully,

“So… is Gojo your boyfriend?”

The question hangs awkwardly.

You and Satoru answer at the same time.

“No,” you say quickly.

“Yes,” he says with a smile.

You both turn to stare at each other.

“I mean—no,” he corrects, waving his hands. “Just a joke. Hah. Obviously.”

Kazuya blinks. “Right.”

You can’t meet either of their eyes. Your drink is finished, your palms are damp, and the café is suddenly too warm, too small. You push back your chair and stand.

“I should go. Early lab meeting tomorrow.” It’s the weakest excuse, but neither of them calls you on it.

Kazuya stands too, polite as ever. “Thanks for meeting up. You seem like a really cool person.” He hesitates, then adds, gently, “I just think maybe you’ve already got someone.”

You freeze. You open your mouth, then close it again. There’s nothing to say.

Outside, the cold air kisses your cheeks like a reminder. It stings a little, or maybe that’s just the confusion burning in your chest.

Satoru’s already waiting for you. Of course he is. He’s leaning against the lamppost, silver hair catching in the wind. But his eyes are downcast, trained on the sidewalk.

He doesn’t say anything right away. Neither do you.

You exhale, watching your breath curl white in the air. “You didn’t have to crash it, y’know.”

“I didn’t crash,” he replies without looking at you. “I was invited.”

“By who?”

“Fate. Karma. The gods of poor decision-making.” He shrugs.

You roll your eyes, but it tugs a laugh from you anyway. Stupid, annoying, charming Gojo.

“So,” he says after a beat, nudging your arm gently with his elbow, “how’d it go?”

You glance at him. He still won’t meet your gaze. His lips are pursed like he’s holding back a hundred words and none of them are funny.

“He was nice,” you admit. Despite being rudely interrupted by the white haired idiot beside you.

“Nice is boring,” he mutters, kicking at a loose stone on the pavement.

You laugh, soft and tired. “You’re the worst.”

He finally looks at you then, lips quirking into that smug, too-knowing smile. “But you like me anyway.”

You look away, cheeks burning, heart thudding like a traitor in your chest.

You don’t answer.

You don’t have to.

Despite Operation: Get Over Gojo Satoru failing in every imaginable way, things were starting to feel bearable.

Almost good, even.

Satoru still hovered a little too close, always with that same half-smile like he knew something you didn’t. And maybe, just maybe— his constant sabotage, the teasing, the jealousy, the way he looked at you like he was about to say something important but never did. Maybe it all meant something.

You let yourself believe it, just a little.

And that was your first mistake.

It happens quietly, without fanfare or warning. Just a throwaway line between sips of lukewarm coffee and the soft shuffle of paper. You’re both at your usual spot in the library, surrounded by open notebooks and highlighted packets, pretending to study more than you actually are.

You’re halfway through underlining a term in your psychology notes when Satoru leans back in his chair, stretches like a cat, and says far too casually:

“So, guess who asked me out?”

You hum absentmindedly. “Who?”

“Ayane.”

The name hits you like a slap.

You freeze, highlighter paused mid-sentence. “…Ayane? From the biochem track?”

“Yeah,” he says, practically glowing. “You know her, right? She's in your study group sometimes.”

You do know her. Of course you do. Everyone knows her.

She’s beautiful, with this effortless, clean kind of elegance—long legs, perfect posture, and that quiet, poised confidence that makes professors adore her and guys fall over themselves. The kind of girl who posts one blurry bookshelf photo and still racks up a thousand likes. The kind of girl Gojo always jokes about marrying.

But he’s not joking now. He’s beaming.

“She asked me out to dinner this Friday. She’s so smart, too. I didn’t even have to pretend to know what quantum entanglement was. It’s wild.” He laughs, brushing a hand through his hair. “I thought she’d never go for a guy like me, y’know?”

You force a laugh. “A guy like you?”

“Yeah. I dunno. Too much, I guess? But she said I was ‘refreshing.’” He grins.

Your stomach sinks.

This is what you thought you wanted—for him to move on, so you could finally do the same. For Operation: Get Over Gojo Satoru to succeed, for real this time.

But now that it’s happening, it feels like someone’s slowly pulling your ribs apart.

“Oh,” you manage, smiling like you’ve practiced it. “That’s great. I’m happy for you.”

He doesn’t notice the way your voice cracks on happy. He just keeps talking, rambling about restaurant reservations and how she likes contemporary poetry and used to live in France. You nod in all the right places, but your thoughts are already slipping away.

Because it isn’t just that he’s going out with someone else.

It’s that he chose her.

Her with her flawless skin and quiet charm and the kind of beauty that doesn’t need to try. Her, with everything you’re not. And more than that, it’s that he made you believe you could have meant more to him, when really, he’d been searching for someone else all along.

You excuse yourself early, mumbling something about laundry.

He doesn’t follow.

You don’t cry until you’re halfway home, the cold air biting at your cheeks as your vision blurs.

For the first time in years, you don’t text him goodnight.

You don’t wait for a meme. Or a dumb joke. Or his usual, “Hey, genius. Sleep.”

You go silent.

And when he texts the next day, you don’t reply.

You skip your library meet-up. You don’t sit next to him in class. You even duck into the stairwell when you see his ridiculous white hair from across campus.

It’s not because you’re mad. It’s because you’re heartbroken.

And you can’t keep pretending it doesn’t matter—that he doesn’t matter.

You weren’t just losing your best friend.

You were losing the love of your life.

And he didn’t even notice.

It takes him three days to notice you’re gone.

Well—no. That’s a lie.

He notices immediately. The moment your usual seat in the library stays empty. When your laugh doesn’t echo in the café line. When your name doesn’t pop up on his screen at 2AM with some stupid meme captioned, “this reminded me of you, idiot.”

But he tells himself you’re busy.

Midterms, right? Stress. Coffee. You get like this sometimes, and he gets it. He really does.

So he waits. Tells himself not to be clingy.

But then Friday comes.

And he's sitting across from Ayane in some expensive, quiet restaurant where the napkins are folded like origami cranes and the water tastes filtered. She’s telling him about her research internship in Osaka, about enzymes and international grants, and all he can think is—

You’d be making fun of me right now.

You’d be kicking him under the table. Whispering some dumb pun about digimon. You’d be pulling faces every time he tried to pronounce the items on the menu. You’d be you.

Ayane is lovely.

But she doesn’t laugh when he says something stupid. She just smiles politely.

She doesn’t ask about why his glasses are always crooked (it’s so you could fix them). Doesn’t tease him for double-knotting his laces like a paranoid grandma. Doesn’t call him “Sato” like it’s some private joke only the two of you get.

He walks her home. Thanks her for a nice evening.

Then he goes to the convenience store. Alone.

And he sees your favorite snack on the shelf and buys two out of habit.

He stares at his phone the entire train ride back.

No new messages.

Just the last one you sent days ago:

“Laundry. Rain check?”

And nothing since.

He waits. Another day. Then two.

You don’t show up to class again.

You don’t like his latest meme.

You don’t comment on the Digimon pun he texted you out of desperation.

You are silent.

And Satoru Gojo—brilliant, blind-sighted, the golden boy of theoretical physics, always five steps ahead realizes, too late, that he’s been a fool.

That he didn’t just lose a study partner.

He lost the one person who knew him better than he knew himself.

The one person he couldn’t replace with rare Digimon pulls, half-solved physics equations, or overly sweet desserts.

And for the first time since he was a kid—

He’s afraid.

It’s been a little over a week.

A little over a week since Gojo Satoru has heard your voice. Since you shoved your coffee at him without asking, muttering “too sweet for me” when you really meant “I got this for you.” Since you poked fun at his stupid sock choices, or knocked your foot against his under the table like it was nothing.

And Satoru is suffering.

He's tried everything. Showed up to your house with excuses too weak to be called plans (“Hey, I brought your favorite snacks. I just... figured maybe you forgot you liked them?”). Waited outside your lecture hall until a security guard asked if he was lost. Took detours between classes hoping to catch a glimpse of your ponytail, your laugh, anything.

But you were always one step ahead.

You stopped answering his texts. Blocked him on that stupid dating app (which—ouch, even though you hadn’t used it seriously). You didn’t even show up to the library anymore. And even Shoko started looking at him with thinly veiled pity and a you really fumbled the bag look in her eyes.

Gojo Satoru is just tired.

Miserable.

So when he finally finds you—not because he’s chasing you down this time, but because he’s walking the long way home, and there you are, sitting on the old swings at the park where you first met—it knocks the wind out of him.

You don’t look surprised to see him. Just tired too.

“I figured you’d find me eventually,” you say quietly.

He swallows. His hands curl at his sides like he’s preparing for a fight.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he says, like it isn’t obvious. “Why?”

You look away. “You’re smart. Figure it out.”

Gojo looks down at his feet.

“I didn’t know you felt that way.”

Silence stretches between you, heavy and stinging. The playground is empty except for the wind dragging a soda can down the sidewalk and the faint creak of the swing chain.

Then he exhales, ragged and unsure. “Look, I can’t—I can’t take this anymore.”

You glance up.

“I can’t either.”

Hope flares too fast, too naive in his chest. His shoulders drop like he’s been holding up the world. “That’s good,” he breathes, stepping forward. “Because the silent treatment— God, I thought I was going to—”

“I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”

The words stop him cold.

“What?” he breathes.

You laugh, but it’s hollow. Like something already broken. “Don’t you get it? I can’t be friends with you and pretend that nothing’s changed. That I’m okay just being your best friend. I’ve been in love with you for years, Satoru.”

His heart stutters. You don’t stop.

“And I love myself too much to keep hurting for someone who doesn’t even look at me that way.” Your voice cracks, but you push through. “Do you know how humiliating it feels? To love someone so much it aches, and still feel like you’ll never be enough?”

He opens his mouth. Closes it.

You wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your jacket, swallowing the lump in your throat. “You never even thought I was cute.”

He looks like he’s been hit.

“I’ve been chasing scraps. Leftovers. Mixed signals and stupid inside jokes. I—I can’t do it anymore.”

You finally meet his eyes, and that’s when he sees it: the hurt you’ve been hiding behind every smile, every brush-off, every joke you cracked to keep the silence from swallowing you.

And for once, Gojo Satoru can’t find a single thing to say.

Not yet.

Not until he stops you from walking away.

“Where did you get an idea like that?” His cerulean eyes search yours desperately. “I-I don’t think you’re just cute, are you kidding?” he blurts, eyes wild.

“Y-you’re breathtaking! Everything I’ve dreamt of and more! That night when you asked me if I thought you were cute, I only said no because it would be a divine crime to reduce to such. All of my fantasies have been centered around you since we first met on that playground—since you tripped over your shoelaces trying to race me to the monkey bars!”

Your breath catches.

He continues, desperate now, like every second of silence might kill him.

“I love you! And not like a brother. Like—I want to marry you. Like, small wedding in Okinawa, barefoot on the beach, you wearing that soft blue dress you like. I already planned it. Our firstborn would be a daughter, with your eyes, my hair. She’d be the boss of the house.”

You gape.

“Wait—”

“I’m not done!” he says, hands thrown up. “Then we’d have twins. Boys. Chaos gremlins. One would look like my twin and the other yours, and they’d absolutely terrorize us—but their sister keeps them in check, she’s fierce like you.”

You blink. A tear slides down your cheek.

“I want to move to Kyoto,” he says, softer now. “Buy a house with a dumb little garden. Grow tomatoes we’ll never eat. Live out the rest of our lives where it’s quiet.”

You cover your mouth, stunned. “You… really thought all that out?”

“It’s easy,” he breathes, “when all I can think about is you.”

He steps closer. The wind tugs his white hair into his eyes, but he doesn’t blink.

“I go to study nonlinear quantum field theory and all I see is your face. I try to cool off and play Digimon, and even that’s ruined—my lineup is garbage now! I only keep the ones you said were cute!”

A laugh bubbles out of you, fragile and watery.

“You idiot,” you murmur.

“I am,” he nods solemnly. “I’m the world’s biggest idiot. And I’m in love with you.”

Another tear slips down. He wipes it away before you can.

“Is it too late?” he asks, voice cracking slightly. “Please tell me it’s not too late.”

You stare at him, this man, this brilliant, ridiculous boy who had held your heart long before you ever admitted it.

“It’s not too late,” you whisper.

He doesn’t speak. Just steps closer. Gently and carefully, like he's handling something sacred, he cups your cheek in his hand.

Your nose bumps his. His breath ghosts over your lips.

“I’ve been waiting to do this for years,” he whispers.

And then, finally, he kisses you.

It’s not perfect, your cheeks are still wet, his nose bumps yours again, and his hand trembles just a little, but it’s warm and sweet and soft. It tastes like home..

When he pulls away, his smile is sheepish. “So… are we still doing the whole ‘Operation: Get Over Gojo’ thing, or?”

You laugh, heart full, forehead pressed to his.

“Mission failed,” you whisper.

He grins. “Good.”

And then he kisses you again.

art by leimiruu on x!

#kt.writes.·:*¨༺#gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojou x reader #gojou x you #gojou satoru x reader #gojou satoru x you #jjk x reader #gojo fluff #jjk fluff #jjk angst #gojo angst #gojo hurt/comfort #jjk hurt/comfort #nerdjo #jjk x you

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cinnamorollcrybaby · 4 months ago

Text

To love me better

Tags: Yakuza Lord!Sukuna x fem!Reader, american!Reader, forced/arranged marriage, dark romance trope, dead dove, age gap romance (reader is around 21-22, Sukuna is 37) heavy dacryphilia, finger sucking, use of “good girl”, use of pet names, Sukuna is his own warning.

Synopsis: Yakuza Lord!Sukuna owns all of entertainment district. You’re trying to work to put yourself through law school. He has a proposition for you, and you have one for him.

An: I fear that I was going to explode if I didn’t write this. I’ve been in a not good headspace. Blah blah blah school sucks blah blah work sucks blah everything sucks. I’m sorry if this sucks too. Edit - I forgot to mention that this will be a multi-part fic.

Part one. | Part two. | Part three. | Part four. | Part five.

*art creds for sukuna image goes to @.maru6 here on tumblr

Nothing in this life comes for free.

Your father taught you from a very early age to never take handouts from anyone because they’ll always benefit the other person more. He was an immigrant to Japan, and he worked hard for every yen he made.

He instilled that same work ethic in you.

After being hurt on the job from working in a poor environment, your father became very ill. He couldn’t move around as much. Sitting up out of bed made him feel winded. He slowly withered away into a shell of the man who once raised you.

Your mom was long gone. She couldn’t help out, nor did she even want to.

All you were left with was a pile of debt and utter rage. Had your father not been taken advantage of by greedy corporate conglomerates, he would still be here today.

It inspired you to want to go to law school. Your dad should’ve received a hefty settlement check for what he endured from his workplace conditions. The money wouldn’t have solved everything, but it would’ve alleviated some of the stress your dad dealt with in his final days.

You’ll never forget how hoarse his voice sounded while he was on the phone with different agencies, trying to sue that place who forced him into an early grave.

You’ll never forgive them for stealing your dad away.

If you were more ambitious, you’d work to try to change the system entirely, but you knew that wasn’t your fight to face. You wanted to help the already disadvantaged families who were facing injustices beyond their control.

So, you started law school. You were smart enough for it. You had the heart. You just didn’t have a special last name to fund your college tuition. You were a first generation Japanese American in the family. While both your parents were born in America, you were born in Japan, but you were still an outsider.

You were never properly indoctrinated in the culture. Sure, you knew the basics. You knew proper etiquette and appropriate behaviors to live in Japan, but you didn’t understand the layers of how society operated. It was as if you were never assimilated into society as a Japanese citizen.

Your dad wasn’t born here, so he never could explain to you how your last name means everything in this town.

Despite it all, you’d become a lawyer even if you had to bury yourself into debt to do it. You’d work to put yourself through college. You’d do it and bear a smile on your face because you don’t take fucking handouts.

That lead you to becoming a bottle girl at one of the most exclusive clubs in the entertainment district: Malevolent Mass.

The manager said you had the right look, whatever that means. It didn’t matter. He hired you on the spot despite your lack of a substantial last name.

This would be fine. You’d work at night on the weekends and put yourself through school during the day, and you’d keep it a secret from your school, knowing you could lose your position in the prestigious school.

It was a perfect plan, right?

Yes, it was perfect.

Customers seemed to love your polite attitude and warm hospitality. You had quickly made a name for yourself in the few short nights you had worked there.

It was only your second weekend, and your section was full. It was almost comprised entirely of men and their gold digger wives, but you got use to the sexual comments and predatory smiles.

The environment was heavily secured. When you were hired, the managers made sure to show you where security was posted up at every dark corner. They also showed you where cameras were located and assured you that not anyone could just walk into Malevolent Mass.

However, you were well aware that the most dangerous people often worse suits and golden Rolex’s.

It was a busy Friday night. You had already shotgunned two 5 Hour Energy drinks, and you had been steadily sipping on a Monster throughout your shift. You had been in classes all day, and you were scheduled to work until close at 4am.

“Cherry, can we get another round of champagnes?” a sleazy voice pipes up, calling you by your codename. The club was so security driven that they gave all the bottle girls codenames to protect their identities.

“Yes sir,” you respond with an entirely fake bright smile. Your buzzed customers couldn’t tell the difference especially with the low lighting and bass boosted music.

As you walked over towards the bar, your eyes fall onto another table. A man was leaned back with his hands behind his head. He looked entirely relaxed as a girl was bent over your lap.

A crease formed between your eyebrows. They couldn’t be serious, right? Malevolent Mass had a whole downstairs portion dedicated to public sexual acts and other deviant kinks. Why the fuck were they doing that in the normal club area?

As you took a step further, ready to confront them, you realized that the girl was positioned oddly. She wasn’t angled towards his crotch, instead she was hovering over his thigh.

That’s when you noticed she had a rolled up 10,000 yen note, and she was snorting a white powdery substance off the man’s thigh.

Holy fuck, you were in over your head.

Stumbling back towards the bar, you felt your head start to spin a little. It was probably due to fact you’d only consumed energy drinks in the past 12 hours.

“Girl. You don’t look too good,” the bartender, Yorozu, said as she guided you to take a seat. “Are you okay?” she asked cautiously. Compared to the other bottle girls and dancers, Yorozu was the closest thing you had to a friend in this establishment.

“I’m fine,” you quietly replied, shaking your head. It was just drugs. You needed to take a chill pill. It’s not like people go to clubs like this just for some liquid courage.

Yorozu put a glass of water in front of you anyways, not quite believing your words. “Here. I promise you get used to it all,” she offered with a kind smile.

You gave her an appreciative smile as you took a sip of the water. Your hand was trembling, and you realized you had been sweating.

The water felt nice, and you inwardly warded off energy drinks for the rest of the night. It wasn’t worth feeling like a panicky mess.

“I need another bottle of Dom Prignon for booth 12,” you said as you looked back up towards Yorozu. She nodded and walked towards the back to retrieve the bottle of too expensive champagne.

While she was gone, you took a deep breath and looked around towards the security posts. It felt like a small safety blanket in a place like this. Finishing your glass of water, you felt infinitely better as she returned with the bottle.

“Here you are! Let me know if you need anything else, and seriously, don’t feel bad for reacting that way. It’s a bit of a culture shock for everyone during their first few nights,” she assured you as she handed you the bottle.

“Thanks, I appreciate you,” you replied with a genuine smile. Yorozu had a nice energy to her like you felt like you could get close to her one day. A girl friend would be nice to have in a place like this.

As you walked back over to your section, your lips curled into a frown as empty seats filled your eyes. Had they gotten tired of waiting and abandoned your section?

You felt disappointed as you looked around for your customers. They were nowhere to be found, but one silhouette remained in the very back corner.

“Did you bring that bottle for me? How sweet. Too bad I don’t drink,” a deep gravely voice spoke up with a hint of condescension and pure predatory prowess.

You hesitate as it feels like the air in the club shifts simply from this man’s presence alone.

“You don’t drink..?” your voice is uneasy. You feel off balance while interacting with the man tucked away in a dark corner.

“No,” the stranger replied, and he leaned forward a bit, propping his elbows on his knees as his eyes were staring straight at you. “Don’t be shy, girl. Come closer. I won’t bite…” the condescension in his voice tells you otherwise.

You swallow thickly before slowly taking a few steps closer. As you approached him, you were able to see him in all of his glory. The breath is completely sucked from your lungs as you’re able to finally get a good look at him.

He wore a white button-up top with black slacks that really didn’t leave much for the imagination. His sleeves weee rolled up to his elbows, showing off tattoos on his arms.

His face was hauntingly alluring. His tattoos also went up to his face. He had intricate lines under his cheeks that stretched down to his chin. His hair was a natural light rosy color that was pushed up from his forehead. It looked effortless and messy, unlike most business men who rely way too heavily on hair gel.

His eyes were a soft crimson color that looked like blood that had been spilled. A jarring scar slashed over his left eye, but it wasn’t ugly by any means. No, this man held a god-like status when it came to looks. However, his energy felt nothing short of daunting and corrupt.

“Who comes to a club to not drink?” you ask nervously, having to fill the eerie silence with something. It felt like you were suffocating in this man’s presence.

A rugged chuckle leaves his lips, and he tilts his head back slightly. It feels like his laugh sticks to you, making you relax and tense back up all at the same time. You can feel every yen he’s worth with each chuckle.

“If you must know, I come here for a… different sort of entertainment,” he says as his lips curled into a smirk. His eyes unabashedly roam your body — twice before he meets your gaze again.

“Oh, that’s downstairs,” you reply as you feel relieved. This man was just in the wrong section. Surely, you’d guide him to where he needed to go, and you’d be free from whatever kind of verbal hostage situation this was.

“I’m content with where I’m at,” he says with a sort of finality that leaves little room for argument. “Come closer, doll.”

His arm props up on the back of the curved booth, and his legs part into that sort of manspread position where he takes up a good portion of the booth with his massive size.

“I-“

The man pulls a clip of money from his suit, and he makes a show out of flipping through the money before he lays six 10,000 yen notes on the table.

What the hell.

“60,000 yen for you to shut up and come closer,” he says in a voice that lacks the faux kindness he was putting on earlier.

Every survival instinct in your body was telling you to run, but your brain was telling you that 60,000 yen was enough to cover your student housing and for a train pass for a month.

You slowly inch closer, your heels not even lifting from the ground.

The man gives you an amused look as he raises an eyebrow at you. “How much for you to sit on my lap?”

“I-I’m not a dancer..” you reply sheepishly, wondering if he thought you were one of the performers for the club.

“Good thing I’m not asking you to dance, doll. I’m asking you to sit in my lap,” His lips curl into a feline grin. He’s enjoying toying with you like this. “So, I’ll ask only one more time. How much?”

Your heart is pounding against the confines of your ribcage. It felt like you had a little angel on your shoulder telling you that selling this man your time will only further escalate, but the little devil on your other shoulder was telling you to milk him for whatever he was willing to give.

You stayed silent for a few minutes, calculating what a whole month’s expenses would cost you along with the 60,000 yen you already made.

“90,000 yen,” you sheepishly murmur, bracing yourself for him to yell at you for even suggesting such a high number.

There was a beat of silence before the sound of more money being unfolded was heard. He chuckled as he placed down nine more 10,000 yen notes.

“Look at you being all cute while asking for money from me,” he teased, resting his back against the back of the booth. His hand patted his thigh, signaling for you to take a seat.

“I’m not asking— You offered!” you protested, feeling a bit defensive that he would suggest that you just asked him for money.

“Don’t take such a whiny tone with me, doll. I’m only teasing you,” he says as he gestures to his lap yet again. “Sit.”

You bite your bottom lip as you look down towards his lap. You were really about to sit on this stranger’s lap for money… If your dad could see you now, he’d probably disown you.

Good thing he isn’t here.

You slowly walked over towards him, and you carefully take a seat on one of his thighs, planting your feet firmly on the ground so you’re slightly hovering. You need to be able to get away from him at a moment’s notice.

A strong hand slowly snaked up your back, towards your hair, and you tensed up quickly. The stranger wrapped his hand around the back of your neck.

“If I have to tell you again, I’m taking back my money. Sit,” he viciously growled in your ear.

You were already this far in. You should see this through. This club is safe. You were sure of it.

As you slowly allowed yourself to prop your full weight across his lap, your eyes scan around the club, looking at the security points. None of the men would even glance in your direction as if they were purposefully ignoring your section.

What did you just get yourself into?

“See? Was that so hard?” he taunted as his hand slowly dropped down to clasp around your hip. “Why is an angel like you in a club like this?”

Everything in you told you not to answer that question. As soon as he knew your weakness, he’d definitely use it to his advantage, but he probably already knew money was a good motivator for you.

“I didn’t know there was a no angel policy,” you say, trying to remain casual as you flash him a small smile.

A deep chuckle erupts from his chest. He appreciates you trying to use humor to deflect. Clever girl.

“I suppose you’re right,” he rolls his head to the side, cracking his neck from both sides. The sound of bones popping causes a shudder to go through your body. This man was good at giving a false sense of security. “But angels don’t last long in a place like this. It would be a pity to see you be ruined.”

His other hand firmly rested against your thigh, right above your knee. He gives your leg a light squeeze. “Tell me your name, doll.”

“Cherry,” You respond without missing a beat, giving your code name instead of your real name.

“You don’t know who I am, do you?” he asks, allowing his fingertips to glide against the exposed skin of your thigh. Your breath picks up in speed, noticing he’s getting more bold with touching you.

“Am I suppose to?” you ask, genuinely curious if this man was some big shot that you were suppose to know.

You very rarely kept up with politics, only knowing major crime names from your law classes, and you definitely didn’t keep up with conglomerates. This man wouldn’t be the first millionaire to walk through the doors of Malevolent Mass, and he wouldn’t be the last.

Another deep raspy chuckle escapes him. “No, I actually find it quite cute you don’t know who you’re dealing with.”

His hand slithered up your back once again, and this time he grabbed a fistful of your head, tugging your head back to look up at him. A gasp slips past your lips as your eyes meet his crimson ones.

“Tell me a secret, cherry,” he hisses your codename like it’s disgraceful on his tongue. “Do you belong here?”

You think to try to get up from his lap, but his other arm has worked to secure you to him tightly. The security men aren’t even glancing in your direction. No one would hear you over the music blasting if you tried to scream, and if this man was as important as his inflated ego suggested, no one would likely even help you.

You’ve done everything thus far to get out from underneath the rich man’s thumb, but it feels like every time you take one step forward, something pushed two steps back.

Do you belong anywhere? No where feels like home after your dad passed. Tears stung into your eyes. Why were you thinking of him at a time like this? He can’t save you now.

The man’s lips twitched into a smirk as he saw the tears building in your eyes. That alone was confirmation enough. You didn’t belong here at all.

His other hand reaches up to your face, and he gently strokes your cheek — a contrast to how tightly he was holding your hair. “Such a pretty crier,” he deep gravely voice coos to you.

You can’t even help it at this point. You try to blink the water away from your eyes, but the tears slip down your cheeks anyway. You just silently cursed yourself for ruining your own makeup.

“You’re a crybaby, aren’t you?” he asked as his fingers brush against your pouty lips, and he grabs your chin carefully. “Open.”

Accepting defeat, your lips part ever so slightly for him, and you can feel the way his heart races in his chest from the sight. He narrowly eyes you as two of his fingers slip past your lips.

You’re momentarily stunned from his thick fingers filling your mouth. You feel a thrum between your thighs, but you try to ignore it. Surely, your body was just betraying you, and his body was betraying him. You were able to feel every inch of his hard on through his slacks. The sight of your tears only served to spur him on further.

When you give his fingers a light suckle, he purrs a praise for you. Leisurely, he thrusts his digits in and out from your mouth. He admires the way you accept them in without a single complaint.

“Such a good girl for me. Try a little harder,” his voice darkly instructs you as he slides his fingers deeper past your tongue, hitting your inexperienced throat.

Your throat involuntarily constricts, causing you to gag and cry more. You hum around his fingers as you whimper. He merely laughs at your pitiful display.

“We’ll have to train your cute little throat to take more, won’t we?” he asked, making a dull ache settle in your lower stomach. You had never done anything like this, and the way he was treating all this so casually filled you with some sort of… excitement.

His words also struck you with fear as you realized this meant he was likely far from being done with his antics.

His fingers continue until you’ve coated them in a thin sheen of saliva. When he pulled from you, you were panting even though he hadn’t taken away your ability to breathe.

He smirked as he gazed at you as if he can tell that your cunt is clenching around nothing right now. It’s like he knows every perverse desire you’ve fantasized about in your alone time.

“You’re a vision, doll. I’m going to have so much fun breaking you,”

Before you could even think to inquire what he meant by that, an unfamiliar male voice spoke up to your side, causing you to flinch slightly. The other man was dressed in basic business attire, but he had a scrappier look to him.

“Sir?”

The stranger tensed, and you could practically see all the playful taunting energy in his face melt away. He stared daggers into the newcomer’s soul. “Speak.”

“Members of the Gojo clan were spotted near Dante’s 7th circle,”

“Dammit, what a pest,” the pink-haired male growled. He clearly didn’t fancy being interrupted.

You perked up a little from the mention of the infamous Gojo clan. You had heard plenty of whispers about the clan fluttering about on campus, and the clan had been brought up momentarily in your organized gangs class before the professor quickly shut down the conversation.

Yakuza clans were talked about in school, but the professors were very careful about what they chose to say, knowing that members were everywhere amongst them.

The stranger carefully moved you from his lap, and he stood up, gathering himself before turning to you. “You behave. I have to go tend to something, but I’ll be back for you,” he said as he reached into his coat, and he casually tossed a whole clip of yen onto the table.

Your eyes widened at the stack of money sitting on the table, and your heart began to race. It felt like the last two hours had been a complete blur, but now, you were face with a thick stack of money — probably enough to cover you for at least three months… and you weren’t even done with your shift yet.

Your excitement was quickly overshadowed by fear. He was coming back for you. How intertwined had you gotten yourself into this mess?

taglist: @theuniversesnepobaby

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kitimeq · 6 months ago

Text

ੈ✩‧₊˚we can’t be friends 🤍 xavier 星回 ੈ✩‧₊˚

RE-UPLOAD! The original post didn’t show up in the tags, sorry for the confusion :c

pairing ੈ✩: xavier x reader

summary ੈ✩: you and xavier had been best friends for years, nearly inseparable since the moment you met. But after one slightly drunken night, everything shifted: you became friends with benefits. You told yourself you could handle it, but as time went on, your heart began to ache. You had to end it, for your own sake. You were in love with him, but you couldn't shake the painful truth: you believed he’d never feel the same. Still, what if, all this time, while you were trying to push him away, he was quietly hoping to show you how perfect you two were together?

word count ੈ✩: 12k. omg. it’s LONG, long. grab some snacks and let me entertain you for a while!!

tropes ੈ✩: 18+, smut, best friends with benefits, miscommunication, unrequited love, not really tho, angst, angst with happy ending, plot with porn, love confessions, needy xavier, obsessed xavier, domestic xavier, i suck at giving tropes i swear i will get better someday, desperate xavier, everything is consensual, the consumption of alcohol mentioned, pet names, xavier was once in love with mc but the myths are not canon in this one!!

author’s note ੈ✩: GUYS this one’s IT. This idea was blooming slowly in my mind for quite some time. I really hope you’ll like it 🥹 also, please be gentle with me, i’m not a native speaker of english and I’m definitely not a writer. I like to think that everything i create is just fueled by my passionate delulu. please let me know if you liked it and if maybe you’d like to read part 2!! ♡ enjoy your reading!!

!!do NOT read if you’re not 18+!!

ੈ✩‧₊˚

It all started with the simplest of touches.

Your hands grazed, as if by accident. Then your eyes met. He grabbed you by your forearm, or maybe you grabbed him, everything was so blurry in your mind. A touch on a waist, a hand on a chest, and a sudden clash of your lips. You saw fireworks exploding in your mind, sending pleasant thrumming throughout your whole body.

Desperate touches. Rapid breaths. A whisper, maybe two. He said something. What did he say? The sound of your heart was the only thing you could hear.

Your dress came off. You felt lips. Lips marking every part of your body, leaving behind wet paths that made the exposed skin shiver due to the coolness of the air. He went down. Down. Down, and looked at you expectantly. Your head never nodded that quickly and it probably never will again. You saw stars. Millions and millions of them, shimmering under your closed eyelids. He grabbed your hand and put it into his hair. You caressed it gently, savoring the softness of it.

Then, you saw his eyes. Beautiful, deep blues that looked far too innocent for what he did and what he was about to do with you next. He kissed you again and again, and again, and he held you close throughout the whole night, making you shiver, moan, cry, beg — until you fell asleep from exhaustion right in the safety of his arms. He turned your world upside down.

And then came the next morning, when you began to question the entire ordeal. You panicked, thinking about your friendship that you valued the most and Xavier, whom you just couldn’t bear to lose. However, when you wanted to put it past you, to blame the alcohol consumed that night, act as if it was just a slip of your judgment, a mistake, a reaction caused by the need of intimacy after being single for a long time, he wasn’t having it. He said that he couldn’t forget about it, that it changed things, and you blurted out the first thing that came into your mind. You proposed the whole arrangement.

And that’s how, after several months, your relationship with Xavier stayed clear and technically uncomplicated. Friends with benefits. You thought that even if that night did change things, then in this way you could act as if it wasn’t a big deal to you. In this way, you wouldn’t have to lose him, wouldn’t make things awkward. You still acted normally in front of each other, you continued to spend time in almost the same way you were before that faithful night, but with one drastic change.

Almost every encounter since that night ended with you in his bed or the other way around. Hours and hours spent in each other’s embrace, touching and feeling too much, all at once.

And said feelings were what made you finally decide that you couldn’t do this anymore. You couldn’t continue sharing with him this intimacy, pretending that everything between you remained unchanged. You couldn’t do this anymore, knowing that it was all that you’ll ever get from him, despite being in love with him for so long.

You knew that he would never reciprocate your feelings. You knew that from the beginning, from the very first touch of your fingertips that night, but you foolishly thought that having him close for as long as he wanted you, would be enough for you. Even if he wanted you only for your body, because you were the easiest choice.

However, your heart was breaking every time you were reminded of one significant fact, a harsh reality that felt like a bucket of cold water in your face.

He will never love you. Because you were not her.

And you will never be.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

You already had a strategy to end the arrangement. You wanted to take it slow, step by step, with just a bit of pain on your side. You knew it wasn't your best plan, but it was a plan nonetheless. You wanted to end the friends-with-benefits arrangement in a way that would make you both slowly, almost naturally, drift apart—so subtly that he wouldn't even notice the change. As for you, you were ready to bear the painful consequences of your actions, if it saved you from the excruciating pain of a broken heart later.

You started with avoiding his kisses.

And it turned out to be a tough job to do, because you didn’t realize before how much of a kisser Xavier became during your friends-with-benefits situation. It never really bothered you before, you always accepted every single kiss with content. However, during your last meeting, you were trying so hard to avoid his lips, and noticed that he made it into an almost impossible task.

When you went out one night, he wanted to kiss you three times during hot pot, even though you were sitting across from each other. You thought that the sitting situation was enough of an obstacle, but you quickly learned that he always somehow managed to find a chance to try to steal a kiss. That not only bewildered you, but also made you blush so hard that you had to blame the spicy food for it to not look suspicious. Yet, you managed to stay your ground and ignored his needy attempts at capturing your lips.

You also avoided his lips while you were later watching a movie in his apartment, by pretending that you didn’t see or feel his constant gaze on you. You thought that maybe if he saw that the movie engaged you so much, he would finally drop the attempts. Unfortunately, your plan failed the moment his patience thinned, when he started kissing your neck while cradling your body to his. He was grabbing at you almost desperately and you really couldn’t escape from every single kiss he was giving you, no matter how much you tried to. And you really tried to.

“Why—why are you turning your face away? A-Ah… Let me look at y-you—mmm.” He said between his moans, and he never once stopped thrusting inside you. It was the day when he took you on a sofa between his soft, plushy pillows with the movie still playing in the background. Your legs were laying on his shoulder, his both hands holding onto them tightly while his hips thrust deep inside you, making you gasp in pleasure. When you didn’t respond and kept your head away, hoping that he would finally stop with his relentless kisses, his hand gently grabbed your face and turned it towards his so that your eyes met. He smiled softly, his cheeks pink and face damp. “Yes, there you are. You feel good? You wanna break?” He almost slurred and you adored how quickly he was loosing himself with you, how much he was losing his composure. When you squeezed your eyes, moaning at a harder thrust and shook your head no, he whimpered. Next thing you knew, he lowered your legs onto the sofa and lay between them, bringing his body closer to yours. Your chests touched and you could feel his rapid heartbeat, mirroring the rhythm of your own. He nudged your head, which was still turned to the side, with his nose.

“Give me a kiss, c’mon, starlight.” He kissed your cheek, slowing down his thrusts to a lazy, delicate ones. “I couldn’t get a kiss all day, I need it. Let me.” And when you saw his eyes, full of desperation and something that reminded you of adoration, you couldn’t keep denying him. Your lips touched his and he didn’t let go of them until you came, and later when he began growling straight into your mouth, chasing his own undoing.

It was the last time you met up, and after that you decided that you had to cut it off completely. You couldn’t continue being with him like this, not when you knew that he already loved someone else. Being with him this close messed with your head. You didn’t want to feel like a convenient second choice and you couldn’t help but feel that your meetings were slowly becoming more and more intimate. You had to constantly remind yourself that you weren’t together. You made sure to label the change in your relationship properly at the start of the arrangement — still on friendly terms, with occasional mutual pleasure. But the close proximity and constant intimacy started to make the lines blurry in your mind.

And your heart couldn’t take it anymore, it hurt every time you reminded yourself that he didn’t reciprocate your feelings, and that he never will.

After that movie night you decided that the next step to your goal would be to stop engaging in small talk with him, especially the one that occurred at work.

You worked together at the Hunter’s Association, he was one of the best Hunters out there, and you specialized in weapon modification from the safety of your own desk. You wanted to be a hunter once, but with your Evol involving micromodification you guessed that you could be needed in a position that involved working with weaponry. After working there for years, you were passionate about your work and elated to have a job you loved and where you thrived while helping others to the best of your abilities.

Thus, because of the shared place of employment, you saw Xavier almost every day. He was often near your desk, passing by it, putting snacks before you or teasing you with that soft smile of his. So, cutting the contact out there was one of the toughest jobs for you, but it had to be done.

When you knew that he would be free, you found a task that needed completion in other departments, so that you will not cross paths. Often, instead of others coming to you to fix their weapons, you proposed to make the trip instead. In this way you were always quick on your feet, going from department to department, back to the workshop and again to the others’ desks. You didn’t mind the extra activity, it made you think less about your breaking heart.

And when Xavier managed to catch you from time to time, because he always somehow would, you were trying to appear too busy even for a small conversation.

“Where are you rushing off to again? I didn’t manage to talk to you these past few days.” He said one day when he caught you by your elbow while you were going out of the bathroom. He must’ve seen you go in there and wait for you to come out. He brought you a little closer to himself and looked at your face so intently, that you got scared he could see right through you.

“Sorry Xai, I’m just really busy lately.” You answered, maybe too quickly, and were trying to calm your beating heart upon seeing him so close again. Too close. It didn’t help that he was in his hunter’s uniform, that made him look twice as dreamy. You were so close that you could also smell his comforting scent and see the small scar on his cheek that he got last year after you two tried ice skating for the first time.

The first and the last, for it appeared that you were much better at it than he would ever be, and you wanted to avoid him getting hurt again. It was also before your friends-with-benefits situation, when your friendship was pure and healthy. Your heart squeezed remembering how he grabbed your hand then, and how tightly he used to hold it throughout the whole activity.

“Xavier, are you sure you don’t want to go back home already? I’m afraid that your cut will scar if we leave it like that.” You said, looking at the band aid on his cheek, the only remedy for his small injury that you could provide at that time.

He squeezed your hand and still appeared sheepish after his fall. You secretly found him adorable, you never saw him doing something in which he didn’t excel in. It was as if he let you see a part of himself that no one had ever seen before. That thought made your chest warmer.

“No. I won’t let the ice defeat me.” He said surely and you knew that he won’t give up, even if his legs already visibly trembled from exhaustion. You let out a sigh. “Besides, you’re holding my hand now, so I feel much safer.” He looked at you, his voice soft and cheeks red, most likely from the cold air. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state made you completely overcome by the feeling of tenderness, and you send him a huge smile, thinking that it was the first time he relied on your protection, and not the other way around.

Little did you know that this smile would catch him by surprise so much that he slipped backwards, this time pulling you down with him. However, your reflexes slightly worked, because you managed to put your hand behind his head, shielding it from the impact with ice. You landed on him with a groan as his hands moved to pull your body closer.

“Oh god, Xai, are you okay? How did that happen?” You asked him, trying to lift yourself off of him. You felt him relax his head further into your hand, and when you raised yourself enough to face him directly, he sent you a wide smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners. This sight made your heart melt.

“See, I knew you would protect me.” He replied, clearly referring to your hand behind his head. “My little savior.” He called you, and when you puffed the air out, annoyed that he could have hurt himself for real this time, his smile turned into a full laugh, his body shaking under yours. He looked so angelic, covered in snow, laughing in a way that was so scarce that you couldn’t help but join him in his moment of happiness.

And thanks to your mittens, your hand was left with only a purple bruise from the impact. Still, Xavier couldn’t let you forget about it up to the day it disappeared completely, expressing guilt for the minor injury, his sight chasing your hand every time it appeared in his line of vision. He often caressed it softly with his fingers, looking at it with a mysteriously thoughtful expression, whispering “My little savior.” under his breath. It made you wish that the bruise would never disappear.

You took a step back, suddenly overwhelmed by the memories and the closeness between you. He always invaded your personal space, stood so close that you could almost feel his breath on your face. This time, you had had to cut it out for your own good.

“S’okay. You’re always busy but I guess I just got used to meeting you near your desk. Just text me after work? Maybe we could meet up for our book club today.” He said and you swallowed the awful feeling of longing in your chest. Book club was the term you came up with when you both just wanted to sit and read together for hours. Unfortunately, you knew how book club sessions looked like since the beginning of your friends-with-benefits arrangement.

You were sitting together in silence, reading for hours, then talked about your books until you both lost your breaths. A wonderful experience, you adored your little reading sessions, but you knew that recently they always ended with his lips on yours, and with your clothes scattered around his bedroom.

You couldn’t let this go on forever. You couldn’t go back to being just friends now, and you couldn’t keep him so close, knowing that he will never fully be yours. You pitied your poor heart.

“Sure, will do. See you around!” You were aware how awkward you sounded, but before he could stop you, you were already off to another task of the day.

You didn’t text him after work, and neither did you reply to his message in time. The next day you send him an excuse that you were tired and fell asleep quickly, and you hoped that he believed it or didn’t care enough to question you further.

If the distance hurt you this bad now, you couldn’t even imagine how would it feel when he eventually would’ve left you for her.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

The next stage of your plan involved not answering his texts at all. You allowed yourself small replies from time to time, most often very brief, if the situation called for it. Replying excuses from left to right. Then, you incorporated not picking up his calls, especially on weekends, when he appeared to want to see you the most, because you were absent from the Association building and he couldn’t catch even a glimpse of you.

The distance you yourself put between you broke your heart, and you were getting more and more depressed by the day. Ignoring the person you loved wasn’t easy, when he was the one with whom you wanted to spend your time the most.

To distract yourself from the situation, you were trying to pass your time differently. You were meeting up with your family and friends, or you started doing things that you were putting off for ages. Everything and anything to fill the void in your heart caused by the absence of the one you loved. The absence forced by you.

It had to be done, you reminded yourself daily. You had to end this somehow, no matter how it hurt you. You had to move on. You couldn’t still be in love with him the day he would end up with MC. You knew it would ruin you.

Three weeks passed since your last meeting at the Association and you could feel that Xavier was getting impatient. His calls were more frequent. His messages longer. Sometimes while running away from him at work, you could catch how he was scanning the room in search of you. How frustrated he seemed to be. How upset.

You understood it. You were best friends after all, and he also probably needed someone near him to help him get his head clear of MC. You knew that it must’ve been hard for him. But you were sure you were doing the right thing, that’s why you kept avoiding him during the past month, and not only it was the longest period you’ve been away from each other since the start of your complicated arrangement, but also the longest time since the start of your friendship. Even when the times were rough, you managed to see each other at least once or twice a week.

You felt the pain of the distance too. Missing him almost every second of the day. But you had your reasons. You didn’t want to try to satiate the hunger he felt for another woman anymore.

So every time his name appeared on your phone screen, along with the picture of him shoving two muffins into his mouth at the same time, you closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and waited out the signal, simultaneously praying for and dreading the silence.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

On a quiet rainy day, after a month of ignoring almost every attempt to make contact from Xavier, you heard your phone ping thrice. You sighed and put the book you were reading down, deciding that it was a good moment to reply something short to him in order to slightly ease his worries, and make him feel less alarmed. You wanted distance, but you still sticked to responding from time to time, to appear casual. To let the connection break off less abruptly.

xavier: why cant I see U at all recently.

xavier: why are U not picking up my calls and not replying to my texts.

xavier: are U hiding from me?

you: Of course not, just busy.

xavier: busy for me but not busy for others I know U are going out all the time.

xavier: are U mad at me? did I do something wrong.

you: No, you didn’t, don’t worry. It’s just me. I have a lot of things on my mind recently.

xavier: could U please have me on Ur mind too? I miss U.

xavier: so bad it hurts

You let out a rugged breath, and decided to stop responding, but then another text came. This time, making your blood run cold.

xavier: going back from a rough mission right now i think i need help.

you: Oh my god, are you okay? Are you injured?

xavier: cant tell U why dont you come and see me for Urself.

you: Fine, I need to see if you’re okay. Do you need anything? Food? Medicine? I will pick something up on my way there.

xavier: i just need U

You closed your eyes and hid your face in your palms, then swore it would be the last time. You will go in, treat his wounds and go out. It had to be the last time you allowed yourself to be this close to him, and then you had to cut him off completely. A month wasn’t enough to heal your broken heart, and these small sightings won’t make your heart feel any less burdened.

It had to end today.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

When the door opened, he managed to take your breath away once more.

First, only figuratively. His beauty always managed to amaze you. He looked so handsome no matter the circumstances, his hair so fluffy and shiny, his face like that of an angel, with sharp jawline and soft, pink lips almost screaming at you to be kissed. When you met his eyes, you almost gasped at the intensity of his deep blue gaze. There wasn’t a thing about him you didn’t miss terribly after so much time apart.

Then, literally, when the first thing he did was grabbing your hand and hugging you tightly to his chest, that was still clothed in his hunter uniform. He pressed his face into the crown of your hair and touched the nape of your neck, holding it gently with his cold hand.

“Was the mission that difficult?” You asked, thinking that his reaction to you was mostly due to his need for someone else’s closeness. The need for security. “Were you in danger?” You asked quietly, fear bubbling in your mind.

“No. I lied.” He murmured and you felt him squeezing you even harder, inhaling your scent with content. His hand started stroking your back, slowly making its way under your thin coat. “Didn’t know what else to say to make you come see me.” He said and you hoped that he couldn’t hear, nor feel the sound of your erratic heartbeat.

He shouldn’t say things like these, it made you feel too hopeful. You tried to push that feeling down, knowing that’s how he normally acted with you, his best friend. You knew that he didn’t have a lot of people beside him, thus he treasured the ones that stayed. And that thought made you so incredibly apologetic that you had to swallow the tension in your throat. You hated that you fell for him so hard. You hated that you had to leave him because of it. You hated that you knew, that he would blame himself when you’ll leave.

And you started to hate yourself the most because of all of it.

“Did you miss me that much?” You teased, trying to calm yourself with a friendly banter.

“Yes.” The answer was immediate. The kiss he placed on your temple as natural as breathing. “Everything and everyone seems to be taking you away from me these days.” He said and you could hear him sulking. Your heart squeezed again, but you knew that you were doing the right thing. The distance was necessary.

Necessary for you to avoid breaking. You had to protect yourself first, you decided. You couldn’t remain in love with him forever. You had to move on and in order to do that you had to keep the distance. Which was impossible with him around, when he craved physical touch so badly.

You started to be so mad at yourself for breaking your streak today. You didn’t realize how touchy he will be after some time apart and it was getting to your head. You were so conflicted. You felt too much, and that was always the case when you were around him.

He was in love with someone else. Your head was screaming loudly, trying to calm the wave of unwanted emotions.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. I love you, you thought. “But now I’m here, so maybe I can inspect you for any injuries? You always seem to neglect them as long as they don’t make you bleed out.” You managed to free yourself from his hold and missed how his hands went after you for a second. He didn’t want you to put distance between you two. Not yet, not ever.

He looked into your beautiful, shiny eyes and nodded without a thought. He couldn’t say no to you, not when he saw the still remaining hint of worry in them. Besides, checking for injuries always came with physical contact, and he was so starved. He needed to feel your body close to his. Your hands on him, somewhere, anywhere, everywhere. He felt addicted and craved some kind of relief. He looked after you like a lost puppy, following your footsteps closely, touching the familiar material of your coat that you left on a counter. The distance this past month made him feral, every part of his body screamed to hold you and don’t let go.

You sat down on his couch, and patted the place next to you, hinting at him to sit beside you. He was trying not to appear too eager while doing so, and also when he started taking off the upper part of his uniform. He was almost shaking with excitement knowing that you really came to see him. That you were worried about him. The distance was making him sick. Furious. Desperate. Hurt.

He suppressed a shudder when you touched his shoulder and peeled away the material off his back completely. Your hands were pleasantly warm, as always. He bit his lip trying not to gasp from the contact.

He needed more.

“Xavier.” He hummed, giddy inside upon finally hearing his name from your lips. He was bracing for your outburst. Couldn’t wait for it. “You said you lied about the mission being hard, while having a fucking gash on your back? I-I can’t believe you...” He heard your angry, shaky voice and smirked unintentionally. You were worried about him and he liked that. He liked the attention, when it was coming from you.

Yet, you didn’t know that.

You cursed under your breath and went to grab the first aid kit from one of his drawers, and proceeded to patch the man back up, having no idea that he allowed the Wanderer to injure him, to have an excuse to see you. To keep you with him for a minute longer, even if it was only under the pretense of tending to his injuries. He was ready to do anything at this point to keep you from slipping away from his grasp.

If you knew that, you wouldn’t be so adamant on distancing yourself.

But because you didn’t know, you also didn’t predict that after patching him up, he would propose you to eat dinner with him, making up an excuse that he didn’t want to be alone with his pain. Later, when you wanted to come back to your place, he mentioned he wanted to play kitty cards, the game you adored. You couldn’t refuse him.

During the next hours you spent at his place you both talked in the same way you always used to - about everything and anything, exchanging opinions, stories and everyday thoughts. You laughed together for the first time in weeks, and your cheeks hurt from how much he was able to make you smile. You always had so much fun with him; he was your favorite person in the whole world. You missed him so bad, despite knowing that you couldn’t back out from your plan fully. Yet, you allowed yourself a little break, telling yourself that it was in order for your distancing to not look suspicious. In addition, he was injured, and you felt the need to comfort him in any way you could. The gash on his back wasn’t that deep, but it worried you regardless.

The atmosphere changed drastically only when he managed to win the next round of kitty cards. You jokingly frowned at him, forging displeasure, and he looked directly at your pouting lips. The time seemed to stop when you noticed that look. He raised his hand to touch your collarbone, caressing it with his fingers, up to your neck and over your cheek. He looked deeply into your eyes, and you noticed how dark his became. You found it fascinating that his soft gaze could change so drastically in a matter of seconds.

His hand reached out to grab your chin and brought your face closer to his. And when he whispered: “Could I ask for a reward?” with that dangerous, needy voice of his, you knew that you couldn’t deny him anything.

When your lips touched, you decided that it will be the last time you let it happen. It would be your goodbye, before losing the feel of his touch. You thought that you could at least make the best of it, get lost in the artificial feeling of being treasured for the last time, before you started the last phase of your plan.

After that, you had to cut off the ties with him completely. No matter the measures. No matter the pain.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

“Xavier, m-maybe not today?” You asked when you realized how low he was going with his kisses. You knew what he was about to do, and you hated how much you couldn’t contain the sounds that were coming out of your mouth when he was doing it. Besides, it didn’t feel like a mutual pleasure anymore, it felt like an act of service and you were not sure you wanted him to pleasure only you.

He looked at you, having already dropped to his knees. He looked ruined, his hair already a mess from the touch of your fingers, lips wet and swollen, shirt off displaying his toned chest, bandaged in the center with caution. He was practically heaving. The sight made you blush.

“Why not?” His voice sounded whiny, his lips already kissing the inside of your thigh as if he couldn’t restrain himself. Every kiss sent electricity to your already wet core and you found it hard to think clearly. His hands were grabbing your tights possessively, relishing in their softness. “Please, let me eat you out. I’ll make you feel good, I promise.” The pleading in his eyes was so apparent. So unfiltered.

“Don’t you want to get to the point already?” You offered shyly and he huffed out a laugh.

“Where are you trying to run off to this time?” It sounded like a joke, but he appeared annoyed. “Relax, starlight and let me take care of you. Please.” You still hesitated. It made him pout. “I need it, please, star. I want to taste you so bad. I didn’t manage to last time.” He kissed your knee and put his head on it, looking for the answer in your unsure eyes. “Will you let me?” His pleading tone, along with his desperate gaze was what made you break. You whispered a soft confirmation and it was all it took before he quickly put his mouth on your core, licking vigorously, devouring you like the most delicious thing on the planet.

“Mmmm.” You heard him humming, before your own cries, along with the constant tremble of your legs, drowned out any other sound.

He was elated.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

“Mmmh— Yes. Yes. H—holy—” He whimpered at the same time with his thrusts and squeezed your waist harder, moving his hands up and down your back, caressing it affectionately. “You are s-so warm, so beautiful, fuck—” He moaned when you tightened on him. You stiffed a whimper and tried to commit to memory the touch of his strong hands.

He was taking you slowly from behind and the pace was almost unbearable for you. You needed more, and you couldn’t stand how romantic it felt when he was this gentle with you. However, at the same time you didn’t want him to strain himself, you were aware that the slow pace was reasonable due to the injury on his back. The slow pace did surprise you either way, you thought that after so much time apart he would be quick and rough, chasing his pleasure faster than he normally would. Instead, he acted even more passionately than usual.

The slow pace brought you so much pleasure that you couldn’t contain the sounds escaping from your lips. He kept pressing your most sensitive spots, his thrusts slow, deep and precise. His forehead rest on the back of your shoulder, and you could feel his hot, labored breath pressing against your damp skin.

He made you feel so appreciated, and so cared for, and that made you uneasy. More so, with the accompaniment of the things he was constantly saying to you, from the moment you allowed him to touch you today.

“Can you turn around now? Please, my star, I want to see you.” He half-whispered and started kissing your neck, then moving his mouth to every patch of your skin he could reach: your shoulders, back, arms. No place was left unkissed under his relentless lips. You shook your head no; you didn’t want to let this become even more passionate than it already was. You positioned yourself facing the headboard of the bed from the very beginning, and you were adamant to keep your stance up until the end. You feared that your eyes would betray you, displaying your feelings for him and that was what made you not lose your composure.

Upon hearing your refusal for the third time this night, he proceeded to voice his frustrations by grunting, and thrust into you a little harder. You moaned loudly, surprised at the sudden change of tempo.

“Please, starlight.” He begged; his voice achingly earnest. He picked up the pace and you almost choked with how deep he reached inside of you now. You thought that you could never get used to how big he was, his girth filling you up to the brim. “Turn around. T-turn around for me.”

“X-xavier slow down, I don’t want you to get hurt—” You managed to choke out, grasping sheets with your hands for some kind of stability. You closed your eyes when they were turning upwards, biting your lip in the process. He felt otherworldly, but you couldn’t help but think about the gash on his back. He shouldn’t strain himself.

“Then turn around and look at me.” He repeated and you shook your head again.

“I-I can’t, I—Ah—”

“W-why do you keep—Mmh—denying me?” His voice came out like a growl and he kept up the fast tempo. Then, he grabbed your shoulder and put his other hand on your lower back, making you bend over more. His thrusts got even faster, making you moan louder. “Like that. Yes.” You breathed quietly. So good. He was so, so good. “I just want to see your face. I need to kiss y—A—Ah—Kiss you so bad, so, so, so bad.” He thrust more deeply, making you involuntarily back out from the stimulation, your body almost collapsing, but he quickly grabbed you with his strong arms, and brought you even closer to him. You saw stars and touched one of the arms that held your whole body — from your waist, between your breasts, to your neck. His arm was so hard, so strong. He was huge compared to you. “No, n-no, don’t run away, star. You feel so good—G-God how I missed this—” He held you closer by the second, pressing more kisses to your shoulders, his thrusts becoming quicker, less deep. You were holding back your tears from how good he felt inside you. “I missed you. I missed you. I miss you.” He started babbling and that’s how you knew he was close.

To your surprise, he suddenly pulled out of you completely and grabbed you by your shoulders, turning you around to finally face him. Before you could show any signs of protest, he lowered himself onto his forearms, caging your head between his biceps so that he could have a perfect view of your face. He took his cock in one of his hands and he slipped himself into you again with ease. You shuddered and cried out softly with astonishment.

“Xavier—!”

“Yes. Yes, that’s my name.” He started thrusting into you again, this time much slower and more attentive, and looked deep into your eyes. You had nowhere to run, the only thing you could do was to close your eyes, but the sight of him so close made you want to never look away. “Say it one more time. Just once.” He looked ethereal, his silver hair wet from the perspiration that gathered on his forehead, and his cheeks painted a pretty shade of red. You could see how blissful he felt. “So p-pretty.” He finally kissed your lips softly. “So sweet.” He licked into your mouth, deepening the kiss. It made your toes curl, you loved when he kissed you this sloppily. When he released your already swollen lips, there was a string of saliva connecting you. It was all so intense.

“Why were you denying my kisses?” He kissed you again deeply, sucking on your tongue. His slow thrusts made you go insane. “You don’t like kissing me like this?” He sucked on your lips until they were red and swollen. There was so much saliva. He licked them and kissed them again. “I could come from this feeling alone. So soft.” You were shocked at how much he talked. Was he always this talkative? Or were you realizing it only now, when you knew that the closeness with him would soon come to an end?

“Am I making you feel good? Yeah?” You decided to nod at him truthfully, your moans short, resembling small hiccups. You were lost in the pleasure; you could feel the end approaching. He put his forehead against yours, breathing heavily. “W—wow, you—you sound so adorable, I won’t last long—” He moaned and grabbed your face in his hands, kissing your nose first, then softly your lips.

“Yes, yeah, let go. Let go my little star. My starlight, my treasure.” He whispered into your ear, feeling you clench down on him as you came with his name on your lips. You felt him reaching the end quickly after you, he shuddered, his mouth opened, and he released into the condom with a low moan. Still cumming, he took your face into his hands and kissed your forehead gently. When you both were still coming down from the high, breathing heavily, he began stroking your hair, pushing it out of your face, and kissing your cheeks.

What in the world was all that?

God, you couldn’t do this anymore. You couldn’t let this keep up, it felt too real, too romantic, and your heart really couldn’t take it. Not when every time you were together like this you keep thinking that he would like you to be someone else instead. Did he imagine her under him this time? You trembled, scared because of that thought, but the things he was saying made you feel that it really could be the case.

Your breath came out shakily and you took his muscular forearms in your palms and grazed them gently with your thumbs. You let yourself feel for the last time how warm his body was, how pleasurable his weight on top of you. You kept your eyes closed to not let him see your tears, but you couldn’t stop one from going down your cheek.

And of course, he saw it as soon as it appeared. He seemed to always look at you when you wanted him to ignore you the most.

He kissed it off, swiped the wetness with his thumb and proceeded to kiss your temple.

“Why are you crying?” He asked softly, his eyebrows furrowed. “Did I hurt you?” He appeared so concerned, and you felt the shivers going down your spine.

Yes, you wanted to scream.

“No, of course not.” You said instead. Because it was your fault for feeling too much. “I’m okay, just tired.” You lied straight to his face. He sent you a small smile and kissed your closed eyelids gently.

And when he shifted and pulled out from you slowly with a little hiss, you let out a sigh and knew that your time with him had to end now.

But before you could lift yourself up, he hugged you from the side and put his head on your chest. He was listening to the sound of your heartbeat, and you already knew that it had a soothing effect on him. His hand started caressing one side of your waist, his hair touching your chin, his scent overlapping you. You could feel his heartbeat on you, fast but steady. Another tear escaped from your eyes. You had to run away. You couldn’t take the closeness anymore. It was too painful.

“Xavier, I—” You swallowed the sob forming in your throat. Your voice came out rusty. “I really need to go.”

“Already? Stay with me for a little while longer.” He squeezed you harder to himself, showing no intention of releasing you from his hold. You hated that you needed to cut short such a vulnerable moment with him. “The night is still young. I thought we could maybe watch something together? Or bake these cinnamon cookies you like? I practiced, they taste and look almost perfect now.” You closed your eyes hard, moved by his thoughtfulness, and you almost sobbed audibly if it wasn’t for your hand quickly covering your mouth.

But he felt it, and it made all the muscles in his body tighten, as if he was struck.

“Star?” He loosened his hold on you and quickly studied your face. “What’s wrong?” His eyes became huge, filled with worry. And that concern on his features was what finally made you run.

You raised gently and pushed yourself from him, starting to pick up your scattered pieces of clothing. Your hands shakily put the panties and your sweater on your trembling body, not once looking Xavier’s way. He was waiting patiently for your answer.

“I can’t do this anymore, Xavier.” You replied, feeling more comfortable now that you had some clothes on. You couldn’t meet his eyes, but you heard him standing up from the bed.

“Do what?” He sounded puzzled. You heard him grabbing and putting on some pants hastily, clicking his belt in place. As if he was preparing to run after you. “Did I do something wrong? You didn’t like it today? Was I too intense?” You had never heard him speak so quickly, and the panic in his tone was a rare occurrence too.

“No, it’s— I am at fault here.” You answered truthfully, and you took a couple steps away from him. You wanted to run as fast as you could but for the love of God, you couldn’t locate any other pieces of your clothing. Your eyesight was clouded by unleashed tears. No, not now, you couldn’t let them fall until you were in the safety of your home.

“But you were perfect.” His voice carried more panic by the second. “We could change some things. You could tell me what to do differently, everything works with me as long as I do it with you.”

You suddenly remembered the beginning of your night, and rushed to his living room, were you finally found your pants.

“No. No, and please stop trying to persuade me. This—this friends with benefits thing, it ends now.” You uttered surely, now fully clothed. You turned around and finally laid your eyes on him, and saw him wearing only black jeans and a miserable expression on his face. God, he still looked perfect. He almost shined, the workout clearly visible on his face, his hair, his lips. Your resolution almost wavered.

“Okay. Okay, of course, I—I understand.” He answered quickly, and you felt a slight pang in your chest at how easily he took the news. This whole time you were so easily disposable. “But please stay. I want to spend some time with you, I haven’t seen you in such a long time.” He took a careful step towards you, and you wanted to bolt then and there. “Please, stay.”

“No, Xai, I—” You paused to take a breath, trying not to crumble in front of him. His worried expression felt like a knife to your chest. You were his best friend, yet here you were, clearly wanting to run away from him—how could you expect him to feel anything but hurt upon such a sight? You felt incredibly cruel. “I really can’t. I think I need a break from all—all of this.”

“You mean from me?” He didn’t wait for your answer, the thoughts in his head seemed to go quicker than lightning. “No, please, I swear that if you don’t like it then I won’t touch you anymore. I swear.” You hated how upset he sounded. You closed your eyes for a second and fresh tears slipped away. You couldn’t keep them from falling anymore. “You know how much you mean to me. Don’t make me stay away.” He looked as if you were tearing his heart out, his posture slumped, hands shaking. How you wished you could take them into your own and warm them up.

“I have to.” Your voice came out whiny. He stepped closer to you, keeping his arms in front of himself.

“But why?” His question was quiet, nearly a whisper. He couldn’t help but wonder, if you really wanted a break from him, then why were you crying as if you didn’t want to go?

“I—” You stopped yourself before going as far as to utter a confession. He couldn’t know. Not now. Not ever. “This— This situation, and how our friendship looks like right now it’s—it’s so wrong.” You opted for a response that was the closest to the truth.

“It’s not.” He replied immediately. “Not for me.”

“Well it is for me. Friends don’t sleep with each other, Xavier! We messed up so bad this time and I’m afraid we can’t let this past us.”

“Do you regret it that much?” His voice was losing its’ strength, and he seemed so utterly hurt. Meanwhile, you were just trying to protect yourself from feeling even more pain. How could you make him understand without confessing to him? You didn’t really know because you were always honest with him before. He was your safe place.

And to think that everything could be avoided, your friendship left unscratched if only you could control your feelings better. But you had no idea how to stop loving him so deeply, when he was everything that you’ve ever dreamed of.

“I should. I know that I should, it was never going to end well, I—”

“Stay. Please, starlight, stay. At least for one more night, let me hold you just for one more—” His arms went out to grab you and you flinched, taking a few steps back. His jaw tightened.

He was always afraid that he will see you run away from his touch. He felt as if his nightmare became reality - the thought of losing you too much for him to bear.

“Xavier, I can’t!” You trembled all over. Why did he make this so hard for you? “I can’t do this with you anymore, can’t you understand how much it hurts me?” The truth was at the tip of your tongue, craving to be spoken out loud.

“Why? Why does it hurt you? The only one who has a good reason to be hurt is me, you avoided me, ignored me, and for what? If you just talked to me honestly one time—”

“You are in love with someone else!”

The silence that followed was unbearable and seemed to last ages. Slow ticking of the clock was the only thing cutting through the tension, reminding you that the time didn’t stop, even if your heart seemed to do so.

You turned to him, the tears falling from your eyes in cascades now and your chest was coming up and down rapidly with how fast you were breathing.

The tears run down your cheeks quickly, making your vision less blurry. How you wished that they stayed in place, if that meant that you wouldn’t have to see Xavier’s pained expression, that quickly changed into one of utter confusion. You were shaking with how much you were feeling, your frustration pooling out of you in a form of shaking hands and bitten lips.

“I can’t continue being like this with you when I know that you’re in love with her! And I get it! I really do. She’s so wonderful, and so, so lovable. And I could never be her, no matter how much you would want me to be. I just don’t want to be a replacement anymore.” You continued, the desperation in your voice almost making you wince. You sounded pathetic and felt so embarrassed for it. You felt as if you were losing the ground beneath your feet.

“What?” He said completely stunned. He wasn’t moving a single muscle. “What on earth are you talking about?” He hissed, and took a step towards you, and when you shook your head and wanted to bolt through the door, he quickly grabbed you by your wrist and pressed your body close to his. You gasped at the contact, so sudden and forced. “No, stop running away from me!” He raised his voice, still holding your wrist tightly. You’ve never heard him sound so irritated. “Speak.” You kept your head low, when he was desperately trying to catch eye contact, but you couldn’t look at him right now. Not when your true feelings were basically flowing to the surface.

“About what? You really thought I didn’t know about your feelings for her?” You struggled to keep your voice from shaking. “Xavier, I know, and I knew from the very beginning, and you really don’t have to explain yourself to me. I really understand.” You tried to free your wrist from his grasp, but he held it too tightly. You needed to run, this conversation wasn’t supposed to happen, you didn’t even have a reason to be mad at him. You couldn’t blame him for not loving you romantically, nor for feeling this way towards someone else. You were only friends, and friends should be happy for each other when they find someone dear to them, not sick of the idea of losing the other to someone else.

“I’m afraid you actually don’t understand anything.” He sounded almost defeated. His voice back to its soft tone, but his hold on you unrelenting.

“It’s really okay, I—”

“No.” He scoffed. You finally gained enough courage to let your eyes meet his and you were instantly appalled at how furious he appeared to be. “It’s truly NOT.” He released your wrist and put his hands up to stroke his hair back. He breathed out loudly. “Who the fuck are you talking about?” He asked, confusion and irritation taking over his features completely. You never saw him wear that expression while talking with you.

“Oh, don’t make me—” You cut off, seeing his furious glare. You took a deep breath, stepped back from him and touched your cheek, trying to swipe the wetness caused by your tears. You failed, they were still coming down, one by one, making your efforts futile. “MC. You know that I mean MC.”

“You have to be fucking kidding me.” He groaned and let his head fall back. He covered his face with his hands for a second, and when he looked at you again, you couldn’t read his expression correctly. “Who told you about it? Where did you get it from?”

“Jeremiah.” That’s all he needed to know. And apparently it was enough for him to grasp the situation. He laughed humorlessly and shook his head, his hands squeezed tightly into fists by his sides.

“I will strangle him this time. I swear, I will—”

“Oh, please, Xavier, stop! What’s so wrong about me knowing? I was glad that someone finally enlightened me!” You couldn’t believe that he was so angry at you for knowing such an important thing. Not when from the moment Jeremiah said that he had a thing for MC for a long time, you wondered why he kept that a secret from you. “You never even said a word about it even though I thought we were best friends. I had to learn from someone else and that already hurt.” You wanted this conversation to be over. You wanted him to admit to it already and let you go away, with a broken, but at least free heart.

But he had different plans.

“Have you maybe thought that I never said a word about it simply because it wasn’t true?” He asked carefully, his voice still angry. “I just can’t believe you thought that I loved someone else—”

“What?” Your mind went blank. You needed a moment to collect your thoughts. “What do you mean it’s not true?” You sniffed quietly, confusion taking over your face.“B-But Jeremiah said that you had a past with her and—”

“I did. I had feelings for her once, but that was literal lifetimes ago!” His irritation didn’t ease in the slightest. “I had feelings for someone who looked similar to her. But she’s not the same person anymore, and even if she was, I couldn’t possibly fall in love with her. Not now, not ever.” You stopped in your tracks, trying to analyze everything he was saying to you and failing miserably at it. You looked at his face, your expression puzzled, searching for an answer there, hidden between his beautiful, soft features. It shocked you to see that now he started to calm himself down, gaze genuine, an image of complete transparency.

You couldn’t wrap your head around the idea that you were mistaken. All this time, when you thought you never stood a chance, when you thought that he loved another, when you wanted to let him go—

“You’re not in love with MC.” It wasn’t a question anymore, your voice quiet while you were trying to process that thought. He must’ve seen how you fought with the thoughts inside your head, because he released a groan and took a step towards you. You unintentionally took one step back. He frowned.

“Of course I’m not.” Voice sweet like honey, stance sure, his eyes searched desperately for yours. He looked at your face, covered in tears and his eyebrows furrowed deeper, hating how upset you seemed and didn’t know how to reverse it. “How could I ever be, when your face is all I can see, every time I close my eyes?” He uttered looking at you with such devotion that it almost made your knees buckle.

Complete silence took over your thoughts after his confession. You didn’t know what was happening.

But fortunately, his mind finally started to piece everything together in a picture, that although was beyond frustrating to think about, was giving him so much hope for something he thought he already lost.

He allowed himself to relax, took a deep breath and finally decided to drop his inner shackles, letting his emotions flow out of him without restraint.

“You are the one that I love.” He said clearly, not moving a muscle. He wondered if you could see the quick movement of his chest, with how hard his heart was trying to escape through it to reach you. Whereas, you felt as if yours stopped moving completely, along with the time around you, not ready to believe that this was truly happening. “It was you from the very beginning. I adored you since the day I first saw you.” He continued, his gaze piercing into your face, slight confusion visible on his features. “And I thought that was obvious? I wasn’t exactly the best at hiding my feelings, especially after I told you about them the first night we spend together.”

You blinked slowly. Once, then twice.

Your head hurt. You couldn’t wrap it around everything he was saying. Xavier was in love with you? And he already told you about it? You were so confused that the only way you knew how to react was with denial.

“You—You didn’t. I didn’t know, you are not being serious.” He shook his head in disbelief.

“I did. You really don’t remember?” His tone softened, and he waited a short second for your answer, but couldn’t contain his nerves. “It was the night I kissed you for the first time, thinking that would be the last. But you reciprocated.” His eyes gleamed in the moonlight, and you found yourself holding your breath, afraid even the slightest sound might interrupt the flow of his confession.

“You—You kissed me back, and let me do things to you I only ever dared to dream about before.” He took another step your way, a small smile grazing his handsome face. “And the confession slipped out of me so naturally before we even reached the bed.” He briefly recalled that fateful night, describing the conversations you forgot, but longed to remember since that very moment.

“You didn’t reply, but you responded nicely to my touch, so I thought that meant that you wanted me too, that maybe you’d accept me. As your beloved. Your soulmate.” You brought your hand to cover your mouth. You couldn’t believe it. “But then in the morning when you woke up, you were panicking. I tried to reassure you, but you weren’t listening to me.”

That part of the story you knew by heart, him telling you that he couldn’t forget, didn’t want to forget. Back then you didn’t connect it with anything close to confession, but more with the change in your relationship. You really didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, you didn’t even dream about him loving you, when you thought that he loved MC. Insecurities and false assumptions completely clouded your vision.

“And when you proposed staying friends, with the bonus of intimacy, of course I took the chance. I thought you remembered my confession and didn’t reciprocate my feelings, but I was so desperate that I would take anything you were willing to give me, even if it didn’t involve your love. I—” he cut off, blush flushed over his cheeks, up to the tips of his ears. He took a shaky breath. “I was clinging to the hope that maybe through the new shared intimacy I could show you how much you meant to me. And maybe, maybe someday you would start feeling the same, when you realized how good we are together and how good I can be for you.”

“Xavier—Oh my god.” You breathed, your hand still covering your mouth, your eyes never leaving his face. His beautiful, starstruck face, now so full of confusion and unspoken hurt. “Bunny, I’m so, so, so sorry. I had no idea, I—” Your voice practically a whisper, you were still coming to terms with the fact that your feelings were reciprocated. And that you were the one who complicated things between you. “I don’t remember anything you said to me that night. I couldn’t even hear you through the sound of my own blood thrumming in my ears, that’s how drunk I felt. How overwhelmed after our first kiss.”

The alcohol consumed that night also wasn’t of big help. You were a lightweight and you drunk only occasionally, so the few drinks you had already made you feel dizzy. Mixed with the intensity of your emotions, it overwhelmed you so intensely that his touch was all you could remember from that night. But now you could make it all alright.

“I only remember your touch, the things we did, and our conversation the next morning. I remember touching your hand and initiating the kiss, and my tipsy brain just thought that you went with it to forget about MC.” You said truthfully, letting it all pour out of you. Your cheeks burned with the embarrassment of admitting how desperate you were for him, that the thought he loved another didn’t stop you from having sex with him.

Then the blush deepened from the realization that from the very beginning the only one he was thinking about was you.

This thought made your head spin, the happiness slowly bubbling in your chest. Your whole body trembled.

“That’s— Fuck. You really don’t remember.” He shook his head again, realizing how deep the misunderstanding reached. “You didn’t initiate anything. I was the one who kissed you first.”

“No, I—”

“Yes. You touched my hand, smiled at me contentedly and said some things and I—I just couldn’t restrain myself any longer.” This time you were the one who started approaching him slowly. You needed him close. Always. And you realized that now you didn’t have any reasons to deny yourself that lack of distance. “You looked so soft, so open and kissable, and I just went for it. And then you reciprocated.” The light in his eyes started sparkling when he noticed that you were finally coming closer to him. He reached out his hand for you and you took it gently, still shaking from the unspoken emotions.

“I can’t believe it. All this time I thought that you were in love with someone else.” His hand was warm, the touch electrifying. You squeezed his hand and intertwined your fingers together. You saw how between your clasped hands, his Evol started shining brightly, shading soft light upon your features. It was a sign that he was excited. “I tried to put a distance between us, end this intimacy because I thought that I was just a second best for you. An easy distraction.”

“How could you think that? Almost from the moment I met you, I have loved you passionately—” He brought you even closer together, pulling you by your intertwined hands, and put his other hand on your cheek. He swiped the reminder of your tears with his fingers, looking into your eyes with a devotion so apparent that it took your ability to form coherent thoughts. How did you manage to miss the way he was always looking your way?

“X-Xavier.”

“I couldn’t even think about anyone else even if I tried to. You occupy my every thought. How could I ever find a place for somebody else in my heart when you fill the space out completely?” Everything that came out of his mouth was laced with impatience. He was trying so hard to make you understand him, and the intensity of his emotions. He couldn’t psychically hold it inside anymore, he restrained himself for so long that he felt as if all of his walls finally crumbled. He needed you to know everything.

“I love you, starlight. I’m so in love with you that I couldn’t contain that feeling inside anymore. I couldn’t even spend five minutes in your presence without trying to touch you, to kiss you, to hold you. My whole body longs for you constantly.” He said, thinking about the months after you started being friends with benefits. How at first, he wasn’t sure how much he could take from you, and then, when he noticed that you didn’t mind the affection outside the bedroom, he couldn’t contain himself. He kissed you every time he had a chance, he touched you everywhere he could, he was trying to stay away from you as little as possible. Despite thinking that you did not reciprocate his feelings fully, his love for you flowed out of him naturally, every look and every touch laced with unconditional devotion.

During the period of your silence and avoiding him, he thought that it was because he finally crossed a line. He let his feelings out too much, he finally made you uncomfortable. He was starting to act as you lover, not as your friend and it wasn’t what you agreed to. He thought you still didn’t love him and maybe that was a sign that you never will. And even if that could be the case, he still couldn’t let you go.

And it appeared that he didn’t have to.

That you were not uncomfortable, but unsure.

That it was all a huge misunderstanding.

And the words that came out of your pretty, little mouth next, almost brought him to his knees.

“Xavier. Xavier me too, I—” You stuttered, completely overwhelmed by how much you were feeling. You squeezed his wrists, and looked deep into his beautiful, hopeful eyes. “I love you too. And I fell in love with you long before our first night together. I just thought that it was wishful thinking, because your heart was already taken by someone else. And that I could just stay beside you as your friend and that would be enough. And then share your bed from time to time, if that meant that I could hold you close, be on the receiving end of your affection.” You said and raised on your feet to place a quick kiss on his lips. He chased after you instantly, despite appearing stunned. You noticed his hands were shaking.

“You really mean it?” He asked, leaning towards you, kissing your lips again, this time for longer. He had trouble keeping his mouth away from yours, especially now, that he knew that every one of your kisses was filled with love. “Am I not dreaming this time?” You smiled and stroked his hair affectionately, petting his head, wanting to convey your feelings in every way possible.

“Xavier, I love you.” You repeated, grabbing his head in your palms and looking deep into his eyes. Your voice was strong, leaving no room for uncertainty. “I love you so mu—” He didn’t let you finish that sentence, because he quickly picked you up and spun you around, holding you in his arms. You giggled and put your arms around his neck, holding him tightly, his face buried in your neck. When he stopped, he quickly found your lips again and that kiss felt groundbreaking.

He held you close to him, one hand squeezing you by your waist, and the other holding your jaw gently. His brows furrowed in desperation and his kisses were slow, sensual, sending pleasant shocks throughout your whole body. His tongue made an appearance, and he tasted you in a way that made your legs feel like jelly. He licked into your mouth, grunting lowly, his fingers placing a strand of your hair behind your ear, then tracing patterns on your warm cheek. When you opened your eyes for a second, you could see that the tips of his ears were red. The blush spread through his cheeks too, making him look so adorable.

“It does feel like a dream.” He breathed between kisses. “And sounds too good to be true.” He captured your lips again and you smiled into his mouth. Your heart was about to burst.

“I love you.” You repeated, basking in the feeling of finally being able to say it out loud, be open with your emotions. He released your lips and kissed your forehead. You looked up, and he placed his forehead against yours, his eyes closed, a wide smile adorning his face.

“Don’t stop saying that. You make me so happy.” He said quietly, and you whispered the confession once again, making him sigh shakily.

“I was so stupid. I should’ve asked you right from the start if what Jeremiah said was true.” You said and hugged him more tightly. “I should’ve told you sooner.” You placed your head on his strong chest, your ear touching his bare body, listening to his fast heartbeat. Your hands were hugging his waist, mindful not to touch his bandaged back.

“No, I foolishly thought that telling you once would suffice. I forgot that you drank that night and that could’ve clouded your memory.” He squeezed you harder to himself and started back away with you in his arms, until the back of his legs touched his couch. He fell into it, holding you close, making you sit on his lap. “To think that I could have you sooner—” He looked into your eyes, as if searching for something.

“You had me before, and you have me now. My heart, my body, my soul.” You positioned yourself more comfortably, placing your legs on both sides of his waist, and took his face into your hands. He closed his eyes at the contact, and started to caress your body, from your waist, down to your legs. He squeezed the plush of your tights and let his head fall against the couch pillows.

He couldn’t believe that this was happening. He prayed that this wasn’t a dream, that all of the things you were telling him were true. His chest vibrated pleasurably, incredible warmth spreading through it. His heart beat so quickly, and so loudly that he thought it was the first time he felt its’ beat so intensely himself. Your words made him feel drunk with emotion.

He opened his eyes to look at your face.

He almost choked with how beautiful you were. How divine, sitting on him, caressing his shoulders, smiling at him with the stars in your eyes. He looked at your lips, full and swollen, bearing the signs of his kisses. He looked at your neck, delicate and unmarked, and he stroked it with the back of his hand, wanting to change that fact immediately, knowing that now he was allowed to do that. He switched his gaze to your eyes again and drank them in, basking in their light, wishing that this moment could never end. Or maybe it should, so it could become your new beginning.

You were his treasure. His star, his light, guiding him through life, making his existence worth pursuing. You showed him that the world can be beautiful, despite its overbearing cruelty. You were his salvation, his safe place, his one and only, showing him every single day that he mattered, that he was not a lost cause, or a villain in disguise. You taught him that he was capable of loving so intensely and now, that he was loved as passionately in return.

He doubted his worth, but the only way he knew to prove his love for you was by protecting you with his very life. You had no idea, but his sword, now a symbol of your bond, was yours to command—and you were the only reason he continued to wield it.

“What are you thinking about?” Your voice was not more than a whisper, your eyes still looking into his starry ones, losing yourself in the deep blue. You loved them, how magnificent and expressive they were, and you swore to yourself to tell him about it every day.

He seemed to get out of the trace he was in, and his eyes softened, still taking you in. He smiled and took your hands into his, and kissed your knuckles, his kisses gentle and long-lasting.

“You.” He replied shortly, his voice gentle and reassuring. He put your hands on his shoulders, making you hug his neck with them. You complied and put your whole arms around his neck, bringing your bodies closer. One of his hands touched your waist, caressing it delicately, and the other one stroked your hair, admiring its’ softness. His eyes never left yours. “Always you, my starlight. Then, now, and till the end of my days. I will always carry you in my mind, and in my heart, to be able to reach you, no matter the distance.” You could feel his breath on your face with how close you were to each other, and he gazed at your open lips, which were already waiting to be kissed senselessly. “I love you, as I never loved anyone else in my life, and I never will again.” His lips captured yours in a kiss so soft, yet so desperate, and full of adoration, that you felt a single, happy tear escape from your eye. He deepened the kiss and held you throughout the night, kissing you and touching you, never wanting the moment to end, the warmth of your skin to become a memory.

It all started with the simplest of touches, and it never truly ended. The spark you ignited that first night has never faded. Since the moment you met, it has burned brightly between you both, a light so powerful that it could be seen across the vastness of deep space. Everlasting and exquisite, just like the different lifetimes you both had ahead of you, always finding each other, as if guided by its warmth.

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thank you for your time and please let me know if you liked it!! i was thinking of writing more for this au, maybe from xavier’s perspective? how they met and how he fell in love + how their first night really played out ♡

if u liked it, u can buy me a coffee here!: https://ko-fi.com/kitimeq

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stylesispunk · 2 months ago

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"I only see daylight"

Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: What is waiting for you after life ends? Joel woke up to a life he had spent missing this whole time. You are there, Sarah is there, and a baby too. w.c: 1,7k (tiny baby) warnings: mentions of blood, crying, and mentions of an afterlife. I don't know if you believe in that but I like to think about it.

a/n: I don't know if you could consider this a fix-it fic, but I hope you do because I love this little idea I had the other day. I know it's short, but I have requests to work in and more "Blind faith" chapters to work in. Happy reading. Please remember to reblog and comment. I appreciate them very much.

dividers by @/saradika-graphics

“Joel…Can I ask you something?” Ellie asked, clearing her throat.

He kept his eyes on the road ahead of them but gave a small nod. “Shoot.”

“Did you… I mean, before all this. Did you ever… you know. Love someone? Like, for real?”

Joel’s grip on his backpack tightened. For a moment, he wasn’t walking on that road anymore. He was somewhere else. Back when he was younger, with his baby girl in his arms and a woman’s laugh in his ears.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “Yeah, I did.”

Ellie looked over at him, surprised by the weight in his voice.

“Who was she?”

He hesitated, then let out a breath. “Her name was… well, she came into my life the day Sarah was born. Her mother… she didn’t stick around. But she did. God, she did. Never asked for anything. Just… showed up with a smile and a cup of hospital coffee. Held Sarah like she was her own. She was her mother and she was my wife.”

Joel smiled faintly, a ghost of a smile. “We were together for years. Raised Sarah, built a life in Austin. Didn’t even get around to getting’ married. World ended a month before that.”

Ellie was quiet, watching him. “What happened to her?”

Joel’s eyes clouded. “The outbreak happened.”

He didn’t say more. He didn’t have to.

He still couldn’t say out loud how you died on his arms two days after Sarah.

How the smell of fresh coffee that filled the kitchen at home became the smell of blood sticking on his hands while he tried to keep you alive.

The snow fell fiercely outside the lodge. Joel’s breath ragged and shallow.

He couldn’t take the pain anymore. He couldn’t survive another punch against his face. He was dying.

He could barely see Ellie, screaming some feet away from him. Pleading.

“Joel, please get up.” “Joel, please” she choked.

Oh, his baby girl. He wanted to swallow all the pain, but his broken bones and body could barely bear the pain.

One push, one try. But something sharp on his neck stole his lasts breaths away.

His vision blurred. The world dimmed. In those mere last moments, last seconds. He saw them.

Ellie crawling to him.

But he also saw you. Beautiful as ever, eyes wet, reaching for him.

And Sarah just as she was that night in Austin, her smile breaking his heart.

Joel tried to speak, but no words came.

A tear slipped from the corner of his eye.

Then, nothing.

All went black.

For a moment, or perhaps forever, there was nothing. No pain. No cold. No Ellie’s voice calling his name. Just silence.

The soft chirping of morning birds. The faint hum of a ceiling fan. And the distant smell of fresh coffee.

Joel’s eyes fluttered open.

His breathing was steady, his body didn’t hurt. No blood. No searing pain in his ribs. No snow or cracked lodge ceiling above him.

Instead, a familiar ceiling fan turned lazily overhead, and pale morning light streamed through the curtains of his room.

At home, in Austin.

He sat up abruptly, a cold sweat clinging to his skin.

The bed side next to him was made, your side, neatly tucked like you always did. A glass of water sat untouched on your nightstand. The clock on the wall read 7:14 AM. The same perfume he had never got to forget lingered on your pillow, soft and warm, and so goddamn real Joel felt his chest tighten.

His hand shot up to his face, searching for cuts, bruises, something. But there was nothing. His hair was damp with sweat, but his fingers came away clean.

He swallowed hard, heart thudding in his ears.

What the hell was this?

Joel swung his legs over the side of the bed, bare feet pressing against cool wooden floors. He could hear movement in the kitchen, the gentle clink of a spoon against a mug, the scrape of a chair.

His throat closed up.

It was you, your laugh echoing through the house.

Soft. Carefree. Real.

And for a moment, he was terrified to move, terrified that if he stood and crossed that room, it would disappear, like every other goddamn thing in his life had.

But the pull was too strong.

Joel pushed open the bedroom door.

The house was just as he remembered it. The old photographs lining the hallway. Sarah’s soccer trophies. The faded denim jacket slung over the back of a chair. Everything untouched by fire, or blood, or the passage of time.

And then, there you were.

Standing in the kitchen, back to him, pouring coffee into two mugs. One of them, his old favorite. The one with the chipped rim he had broken up.

You turned as if you felt his eyes on you.

That same smile. That same light in your eyes.

“Morning, stranger,” you teased, unaware of the storm brewing in his chest.

Joel couldn’t speak. Couldn’t breathe.

He crossed the room in three long strides and pulled you into him, arms wrapping around your waist so tight it made you laugh, the mug nearly slipping from your hand.

“Whoa! Easy, cowboy,” you chuckled against his shoulder. “Bad dream?”

His hand cradled the back of your head, burying his face in your hair, drinking in your scent, the warmth of your body.

“I… I don’t know,” he rasped, voice thick.

“Hey,” you whispered, pulling back just enough to look at him. “I’ve been right here, Joel. I’m not going anywhere.”

And when you kissed him , soft, steady, grounding, it felt like everything broken inside him finally came home.

He kept his forehead pressed to yours for a beat longer, eyes shut, breathing you in like a man starved. But then, something shifted. His hand, still resting against your waist, slid down, and froze.

A gentle curve. A fullness where there hadn’t been one before.

Joel’s brow furrowed, his eyes snapping open. He pulled back just enough to look down, and there it was.

Your belly, round and swollen beneath the soft fabric of your, his worn t-shirt. His mouth parted, but no sound came out.

You followed his gaze, a smile tugging at your lips. “Hey,” you murmured, resting your hand over his. “Don’t look so spooked.”

Joel swallowed hard, eyes flicking from your face to your stomach, then back again. His heart thundered in his chest, a thousand questions fighting for room.

And then you said it, soft and calm, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Ellie is right inside here.”

Joel’s breath caught.

That name.

Ellie.

The word carved through him like a lightning strike. His mind, already fragile, started to crack along the seams. He stared at you, at the tender way your hand cradled your belly, at the glow in your eyes, like this had always been your life.

“Ellie?” he croaked, his voice barely a whisper.

You smiled, brushing a thumb along his jaw. “Yeah?” you nodded, looking a bit worry because of his state. “Remember doctor says she’s stubborn already.” You chuckled, your eyes shimmering with a mix of joy and mischief. “Wonder where she gets that from.”

Joel staggered back a half-step, running a trembling hand through his hair. The room spun. A wave of warmth and memory and heartbreak crashing into him all at once.

He remembered Ellie. How couldn’t he? He remembered snow and blood and a lodge floor.

But here, here she wasn’t a girl with a mouthful of trouble. She was…

His and yours.

For real.

A future that had never existed. A life stolen from him, given back in pieces.

Joel’s vision blurred. His knees buckled slightly, and you caught his arm.

“Joel,” you whispered, concern flashing across your face. “Hey — hey, it’s okay. Breathe, baby. You’re alright. We’re alright.”

He clung to you like a man drowning.

Joel clung to you like a man drowning, his face buried in the curve of your neck, your hand stroking the back of his head, steady and familiar. You felt his breath hitch, the tremble in his arms. Whatever nightmare had clawed at him, it was still lingering in his bones.

Then, he heard the footsteps.

Light, quick steps padding down the hallway. The soft creak of the floorboard outside the room.

“Dad?” a young voice called.

Joel stiffened. His head jerked up.

And there she was.

Sarah.

Alive. Whole.

Framed by the doorway in her faded hoodie and denim shorts, backpack slung over one shoulder, a little messy ponytail, like she always rushed through it in the mornings.

“Dad, Mom — it’s getting late for school,” she groaned, rolling her eyes like any other teenager. “I already saw uncle Tommy waiting out front, and if I have to listen to him sing along to the radio one more time, I swear I’ll jump outta the truck.”

Joel’s breath punched out of him like he’d been hit. His lips trembled.

“Baby girl…” he rasped.

Sarah blinked, confused. “You okay, Dad? You look kinda… weird.”

You smiled gently, your heart cracking a little at Joel’s expression, and stepped toward Sarah, brushing a hand down her arm. “Hey, sweetheart — give your dad a second, okay? He’s just… he had a rough night.”

Sarah sighed, the way only a 12-year-old could. “Ugh, bad dreams again? Should’ve told him not to eat chili dogs that late.”

Joel let out a strangled laugh, a sound halfway between a sob and a chuckle.

You leaned in, pressing a kiss to Sarah’s temple. “Uncle Tommy’s taking you today. Go grab your stuff, and I’ll be out in a sec.”

Sarah groaned but turned, heading back toward the hall. “Tell him I call dibs on the front seat!” she shouted over her shoulder.

The moment she disappeared around the corner, Joel collapsed back to your arms, his hand dragging down your skin.

“Jesus Christ,” he whispered.

“You’re safe, Joel. You’re home.” You promised as you caressed his neck with your fingertips

His eyes, wet and wide, met yours. “Is this… is this real?” His voice cracked like it was too fragile to ask. “You. Sarah. Baby Ellie. Is this…?”

You leaned, pressing your forehead to his.

“It’s real,” you promised softly. “It’s ours.”

And for the first time in years, in decades, Joel Miller cried.

He didn’t know what he had done to deserve to see this light again.

But whoever had mercy on him. Gave him the chance to live a second life in daylight.

With you, Sarah, and a baby, Ellie.

#fic: I only see daylight #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller imagine #joel x reader #joel miller x you #pedro pascal character fanfiction #joel miller angst #pedro pascal

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blitziwitchwrites · 1 month ago

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DADDY WANTS A BABY!

pairing: ex best friend’s dad!ryomen sukuna x happy!reader

content tags/warnings: MINORS DNI, smut, filthy filthy filthy smut, ooc sukuna & ooc uraume, cheating, age gap (reader is in her early 20’s and sukuna is in his late 30’s/early 40’s), older boyfriend x younger girlfriend, uraume is sukuna’s offspring, afab reader, mentions of cheating (uraume slept with reader’s ex-boyfriend, hakari), cuteness with little yuji, breeding, unprotected piv sex, lowk yan!sukuna, feral sukuna, size difference, overstimulation, DADDY KINK!, creampie, oral (f receiving), fingering. rough/intense, slight jealousy sex, sukuna gets jealous that you gave yuji so much attention so he’s gonna give you a baby of his own, choking, hair pulling, mentions of car sex, clothes ripping, sukuna is lowk FERAL

summary: six months after your best friend, uraume, slept with your boyfriend and, in return, you slept with their hot father sukuna, you end up at a family barbecue at jin itadori- uraume’s uncle and sukuna’s twin brother-’s house. however, this time, you’re not there as uraume’s best friend, but rather, sukuna’s date. except uraume isn’t all that happy to see you there with their dad. luckily for them, yuji manages to distract you throughout most of the night. unluckily for you (aka extremely luckily for you), sukuna has a thing or two to say (and do) about you ditching him to hang out with his little nephew.

author’s note: AHHHH I KNOW THIS TOOK A WHILE, BUT HERE IT IS!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF THE LOVE ON PART ONE! hehehehehe here we go.

word count: 5k words

here is part one!

—————

if you got your hands on a time machine and went back in time to seven months ago, and told yourself about your present-day life? you wouldn’t have believed it for even a moment. which, honestly? how could you?

not only was your seemingly loving and devoted boyfriend, hakari, cheating on you… but it had been with your best friend, uraume. that information alone would’ve devastated and broken your heart, and it did, but what helped soothe the blow and made the pain far more manageable? you managed to get your revenge. not only did you fuck uraume’s father, sukuna (who you always thought hated you your entire life… turned out that was not true), but you were in a full blown relationship with him! six months in, you were already moved out of your parents’ house (they possibly had the world’s biggest freakout when you told them why you weren’t so heartbroken over uraume and hakari’s betrayals) and in with sukuna, sharing a bed with them- which uraume loathed. however, unable to afford a new place- and unwelcome to move into hakari’s apartment (after they got together as their own little ‘revenge’ ploy, despite the obvious disinterest in a serious relationship on hakari’s end), uraume was suffering.

and you couldn’t be happier.

except, while uraume’s suffering and burden of having to manage their ex-best friend loudly fucking their father every night was certainly delicious, it wasn’t why you were happy. no, sukuna treated you like a queen. he loved you far better than hakari ever did or could, and the side of sukuna that he’d shown you over the past six months had completely blown you away. you’d never even seen him kiss uraume’s mother, before she left. and yet, sukuna couldn’t seem to ever get his hands off of you. passionate kisses in the kitchen over coffee, running his hands along your skin when you were trying to brush your teeth and get dressed for school in the morning, pressing his fingers deep inside of you and up against your most sensitive places during nearly every car ride- you never thought sukuna’s love language would be touch, and yet, it clearly was one of his biggest ones, if not his biggest one.

today was no different. it was summertime, and it was a hot and sunny day out, and it was the day of one of the annual family events for the sukuna household that you had always gone to: jin itadori’s summer family barbecue. however, instead of going as uraume’s special guest and friend, things were different this time. you were with sukuna.

by the time you two arrived at jin’s house, you were already almost two hours late. uraume had arrived with hakari a long time ago, along with choso and yuki- jin’s eldest step son and kaori’s oldest son, and the boy’s fiance. but it wasn’t your fault! the two of you kept getting distracted when you were getting dressed, your light blue swimsuit hugging too tightly to your curves, your cleavage exposed and your pretty pussy just looking too tempting in the pretty fabric for sukuna not to have a taste (or three) before the two of you left. when you put your cover-up on over your swimsuit, sukuna looked at you like you’d committed the kind of heinous crime that even he was incapable of committing. and then, just to emphasize his claim on you, he couldn’t help but pull over the car on the side of the road halfway through your travel to jin’s house, bending you over in his backseat to pump you full with a load of his cum before finally managing to drive the rest of the way to jin’s house before he lost his self control and just drug you back home to rip it off of you and spend the rest of the day with his head between your thighs and his cock knocking on your womb.

when you walked inside jin’s front door, entering the foyer of his large house, you were immediately greeted with a view directly into jin’s kitchen, where he stood at his kitchen island, a large knife in his hand as he finished cutting up a ripe and fresh watermelon. sitting in the stools at the island, uraume and hakari’s gazes automatically snapped towards you. uraume scowled, their face scrunching in disgust at the way sukuna’s hand smugly squeezed your waist, his arm wrapped securely and possessively around you. meanwhile, hakari’s eyes roamed up and down your body, clearly taking note of your cover-up that just barely hid the shape of your body and the dip of your breasts. hakari’s breath hitched, earning a smack in the arm from uraume, while you smiled at jin and walked with sukuna into the kitchen, jin slowly setting down the knife and putting it away… all too aware of the dynamic between the four people he was now, unfortunately, trapped in the kitchen with.

“hi, jin!” you cheerfully chirp, your face lighting up as you step away from sukuna, over to his twin brother, who was much more tattoo-less and clean cut than sukuna, but not quite as muscular or sharp as him either. jin’s face softens, a gentle smile resting on his face as you wrap your arms around him in a hug, resulting in his hugging you back, tugging you close and giving you a firm, friendly hug. he had always liked you, even more than he liked sukuna’s kid, which he was never all that proud of. when sukuna had informed him of everything that happened, he was quite surprised to find out that his twin brother was fucking his kid’s best friend, but… he was just glad you were okay. at least someone was looking out for you. and you would always be considered family to him. “hey, kid. how have you been?”

“oh, she’s been good.” uraume said, their tone icey and cold and matter-of-fact. “i mean, how could she not be, considering she’s been sleazing around with my dad and all?”

you sigh, pulling away from jin as he shoots uraume a glare that tells them to behave themselves. hakari glances at uraume, and then at you, before he shrinks when he sees sukuna’s eyes land on him. the color drains from his face- for the past six months, anytime sukuna saw hakari, it wasn’t pretty. sukuna wouldn’t allow hakari in his house, always telling uraume to make him leave. hakari knew not to mess with sukuna… even if he loathed the man much more now than he did before for stealing his girl (as if it was sukuna’s fault that he couldn’t treat you right).

“did you need any help?” you ask, looking up at jin, straight up ignoring uraume’s taunts and attempts at getting a rise out of you. today was not the day for that- at least not for you. you weren’t going to cause a scene in front of the rest of the family. uraume was perfectly capable of looking stupid all on their own.

“actually, yeah.” jin said, scooping up the rest of the diced watermelon that he had sliced, placing it in the large serving bowl at the center of the table, “can you bring this outside? yuji’s been asking for it for an hour now, i just haven’t had a minute to finish prepping it.” jin said, looking over at you, before passing you the bowl. “i’m sure he will be quite happy that the food is being delivered by the person he’s been most excited to see all month.”

your heart swells, and you smile, giggling softly as you take the bowl from jin. “aw, i’m so excited to see him too!” you chirp, turning to exit the kitchen. before you do, a large tattoo hand rests on the island in front of you, stopping you before you can head outside. your face turns red as you look up, batting your eyelashes at sukuna while he leans down, cupping your cheek with his free hand. he tilts your head back, pressing his lips against yours, gently pressing his body against you. you back into the island, squeezing the bowl of watermelon, melting into sukuna’s kiss as you return it, your face turning even more red as he bites your lip hard enough for it to puff up and swell, his teeth marks imprinted into your flesh before he pulls away, dragging your lip out with his teeth.

“for fucks sake, dad.” uraume growls, getting up from the table. they huff, scowling at the two of you as you ignore uraume and hakari, too lost in your own little world of love to care about the steam erupting from their ears. uraume then huffs, grabbing hakari’s wrist as he watches attentively, his eyes glued to your face and the way you bite gently down on your swollen lip while you look at sukuna, his heart clenching before he scowls up at sukuna, turning to uraume, before stumbling after her as uraume storms outside, disgusted by the scene of the kitchen.

sukuna’s eyes flicker up as he watched uraume and hakari slide out the back door, into the backyard. a low chuckle escapes his lips, before he looks down at you, grinning to himself. “oops.”

“yeah. oops.” you tease in return, a soft laugh leaving your lips before you gently pull away. “alright, i’ma go see yuji. i will catch you in a bit.” you smile gently, before you turn, walking out the back door as well with the watermelon, sukuna’s eyes trailing down to your ass as you leave.

sukuna bites his lips, watching as you leave, before he glances over at jin, whose face is red as a tomato from the awkwardness of what he just witnesses. he glances over at sukuna, before he huffs, pushing his glasses up his nose as he looks at his brother. “you better not hurt that poor girl.”

with a low grumble, sukuna rolls his eyes and looks away from jin. his gaze falls out the window as he watches you approach yuji, who is sitting at one of the back tables. as he watches yuji scream and jump out of his chair, pouncing on you before sitting on your lap and beginning to babble and yammer to you as he munches on his watermelon while you listen, his heart squeezes. sukuna lets out a small breath, shaking his head. hurt you? “never.”

—————

you, in fact, did not catch sukuna in a bit. or, well, it was moreso that sukuna did not manage to catch you.

for the rest of the night, every time he managed to get close to you and strike up a conversation with you or get a moment alone? yuji came hopping right along, snatching your attention away before sukuna even had a chance to compete. and he would drag you away every time. he would drag you to the pool to watch him do canonballs in the shallow end (where you waited in the pool to catch him, every time, not wanting him to hit his head or hurt himself by accident). he would urge you to follow him to the grass to look at his mother’s new flowers or to look at a bug he managed to find and catched. even when everybody was eating at the tables, yuji begged to sit on your lap, to which you did, helping cut up his burger into little pieces and break up his vegetables and place his straws in his juice box. and you would stay with him while the two of you ate, watching how you would study yuji eating to make sure he didn’t choke, the boy continuously forgetting to chew his food and talking quickly to you with food in his mouth, just so excited to talk to you!

by the time the night was ending, jin had started the bonfire in the backyard, and the stragglers left at the barbecue were all seated in chairs by the warm glow of the fire. sukuna watched you sit in one of the lawn chairs by the fire, yuji curled up in your chest, gently sucking his thumb as his face rested on your chest, his cheeks squished up against you as his face gently glew from the warm fire, the little boy sleepily speaking to you while you listened, gently stroking his hair in the meantime.

sukuna hated it. the little boy had stolen your attention all night! he had barely gotten a moment alone with you since he arrived, and truth be told, sukuna was about ready to pry the kid right off of your lap and give him two seconds to decide if he wanted sukuna to toss him in his bed or toss him in the bonfire. but the only thing keeping sukuna at bay? was how incredibly sexy you looked while being so nurturing and practically motherly towards his nephew, and how much the little boy looked up to you. sukuna had never felt this way, even towards uraume’s mother when uraume was a small child. sukuna had been young. way too young for a child, and truthfully, sukuna did not want to be a parent. he stayed regardless, however. his father walked out and he could not bring himself to do the same to uraume. and sukuna stayed with uraume’s mother, but he never found attraction in her. she’d been a random one night stand, who got pregnant, and insisted on keeping the baby and raising it as a couple. for years, she’d begged sukuna to marry her. but he just couldn’t bring himself to. he never even slept with her after uraume was conceived. he had been celibate for uraume’s entire life… up until you.

and now? sukuna understood. and it was then that he decided: at the next family barbecue, if you were to be this distracted that you couldn’t manage to find a moment to pay him any mind? it wouldn’t be simply because of yuji. it would be because of your own offspring. sukuna wouldn’t mind as much if you were distracted, due to taking care of a child… as long as it was his.

—————

“sukuna, fuck!”

you hadn’t even made it to the end of the hallway of sukuna’s entryway before your swimsuit was already stripped from your body, your thin cover-up shorts and the bottoms of your bikini tossed across the room and hanging off the stairway leading to the bedrooms. you’re already up against the wall, your back pressed flush against it, your legs draped over sukuna’s shoulders and your hands locked in his hair, his head buried between your legs already.

sukuna’s tongue swirls around your clit repeatedly before he hums around it, causing you to jolt and let out a screech. as you cry out, sukuna slips his hand between your legs, two of his fingers pushing into your tight little hole, squeezing around his fingers as he sucks on your clit and hums. sukuna curls his fingers inside of you, the calloused pads of his fingertips pressing against your gummy walls as he pumps them in and out of your walls. he quickly finds your g-spot, pressing on it as he nips as your clit, causing your legs to spasm and shake while your thighs clench, squeezing his head as his eyes stare up at you from below.

you scream, your walls squeezing and clenching around sukuna’s fingers as he moves them faster, your clit aching and twitching as you kick your feet. you arch your back, tugging harder on sukuna’s hair as he devours your pussy like a man starved, his eyes never leaving your face. meanwhile, yours roll into the back of your head as you scream, your feet swinging and your toes curling as sukuna inserts a third finger into your tight hole. your entrance goes redder, straining and flexing, slightly burning in the best way from the stretch of sukuna’s thick digits inside of you, pummeling and pushing into you, stretching you open as your fluids gush onto his fingers, your guts swirling with need as your mind grows foggy.

sukuna always fucked you like he needed you more than air, but tonight? you had never seen him as needy as he was right then. he pushed you harder into the wall, shoving his face deeper into you and sucking harder on your clit as he pumped his fingers faster. you scream, your back arching against the wall as your hips buck into his face more, your knuckles white from how hard you tug on sukuna’s hair. stars cloud your vision, your eyes rolling into the back of your head and tears spilling from your eyes as you hit your orgasm, your fluids gushing across sukuna’s face as your walls convulse and squeeze, clenching violently around sukuna’s fingers.

and yet, he doesn’t let up.

Instead, he steps away from the wall, but eagerly takes you with him. he slides his fingers out from inside of you, moving his hands to grip your ass as he takes you upstairs, not pulling his face or his tongue away from your pussy for even a second. you writhe, curling downwards to avoid smacking your head on the ceiling as sukuna goes directly up the stairs, practically breaking open his bedroom door from how hard he pushed it with his body, the door swinging open and slamming against the wall beside it.

sukuna immediately moves over to his bed, pulling his face away, tossing you halfway across the room and onto his bed. your body hits the bed with a violent thud, and you bounce against the mattress, your tits swinging a bit in your bikini top, threatening to pop out. the bed creaks as sukuna climbs up onto it, hovering over you as he sheds his shirt, before quickly shedding off his swim trunks. you prop yourself on your elbows, leaning up, looking at sukuna and biting your lip, a soft giggle escaping your lips as sukuna’s cock is freed, smacking violently against his chest, above his belly button. his pre-cum gently splatters across his stomach from the force of its freeing, his tip bright red and angrily throbbing before you.

you gasp as sukuna leans down over you, his hand sliding up the back of your scalp tenderly before he suddenly grips your hair, locking his fingers up against your scalp. he tilts your head down, forcing you to look at his swollen, leaking cock. “look at what you do to me, baby. you can’t ignore me now, can you?”

“ignore you?” you pout slightly, gently bringing a hand down and sliding it down sukuna’s chest. you scoop some of his pre-cum up from his chest with your fingertips, before your gaze flickers up to sukuna. slowly, you stick your tongue out as you stare into his eyes. you drag your fingers along your tongue, slathering his pre-cum along it, his grip on your hair tightening as you curl your fingers into your mouth when you reach the tip of your fingers, slightly sucking on them as you reminisce in the bitter and salty taste of him. you pull your fingers out of your mouth a moment later with a loud ‘pop!’, before you reach the same hand down, poking the tip of your pointer finger onto his cock, rubbing the slit at the very top of his tip. “i could never ignore you, daddy.”

a low grumble escapes sukuna’s throat, his eyes flashing with fury from your teasing as his self control snaps. he slides his hand from the back of your hair downwards, his movement swift, before he pushes you against the bed as he wraps his hand around your throat, shoving you down as his second hand slides along one of your legs, pushing your legs apart and stretching one of your legs up, pushing your ankle to the mattress next to your head, putting you in a near-split as he rubs his cock along the slit of your pussy, staring down at you as he squeezes your throat.

“daddy?” sukuna chuckles, as if the pet name is new, even though it is far from. “the way you’ve been acting today almost makes me think you actually want to make me a daddy.”

“hm?” you tilt your head to the side a bit, bucking your hips up as you let out a soft whimper, his cock teasing your slick folds, “please, daddy-”

“ignoring me all day to take care of that little gremlin,” sukuna grunts, squeezing your throat again as he pushes your leg down more, causing you to gasp. “if you wanted a little brat to look after so bad, you could’ve just asked. would’ve had you bred and swollen already by now.”

“ah~!” you suddenly let out a loud yelp, gasping, your eyes rolling into the back of your head as sukuna pushes himself inside your entrance, your hole already bright red and pulsing with need. he releases a low groan as he splits open your pussy, your folds slick and sticky with your arousal. his cock only seems to grow bigger inside of you, angrily pulsing and throbbing inside your tight cunt, your walls squeezing him so violently that he can see a slight ring forming around the bottom of his cock each time he pulls out from how beautifully suffocating your insides are to his cock. “shit, daddy!”

“what’s the matter, baby girl?” sukuna coos down to you, pushing himself deeper inside of you, his thrusts slow and teasing and mean. he watches how your tummy bulges, the shape of his cock promiment each time he fills you up completely. he can feel the ring of your cervix everytime his cock hits its limit inside of you, and his cock only seems to grow more and pulse against your most sensitive areas when you roll your eyes back and gasp, seeing stars everytime his tip presses right against the entrance of your womb, as if threatening to breech it. “if you think daddy is filling you up now, just wait until you’re carrying daddy’s baby in your tummy, my girl.”

you whine, your back arching off the bed as you gasp, tears spilling down your cheeks from the stretch of sukuna inside of you. “you wanna give me a… a b-baby?”

“what’s the matter, brat?” sukuna grunts, his pace beginning to quicken up. he gently squeezes your throat again, hiding your leg up higher, causing your back to arch and slightly curl off the bed, your ass in the air, growing redder with each slap of his thighs against your plump flesh. “one baby not enough for you? how many babies does my brat want, hm? two? three? daddy’ll give you as many babies as you want, princess. is that what my pretty girl wants?”

as your breath picks up speed, your pussy squeezing and clenching as a knot in your gut gets coiled and wound up so tight you can feel it in your lungs, you let out a loud sob of pleasure. you move your hands, wrapping one around sukuna’s wrist on your throat, while your other hand rests on your belly, pressing down directly against the bulge in your tummy created by sukuna’s cock. his eyes widen, and you let out a loud whimper at the feeling of your walls squeezing even tighter around sukuna’s cock. you nod your head feverishly, your toes curling as you whine out, “yes, daddy! …want your babies-”

“yeah? my pretty girl wants daddy’s babies?” sukuna chuckles. “you gonna give me some good brats, yeah? you gonna be a good mommy to daddy’s babies?”

gasping, you nod your head, your eyes growing wide as sukuna quickens his pace, his cock slamming quickly in and out of you. his balls slap against your ass, your pussy pulsing and squeezing, crying nearly as hard as your eyes are. you sniffle, before you let out a loud scream of pleasure, your pussy squeezing and pulsing as your vision goes white as you cum, squirting on sukuna’s cock as your fluids gush out, coating his cock and his thighs as he pummels into you while you babble and nod your head, sobbing and whining. “gonna be such a good mommy to daddy’s babies…” you slur out, little incoherent babbles following as sukuna continues to mercilessly pound you out.

“such a good girl,” sukuna purrs down to you, squeezing your throat again, slamming himself hard and fast into you, a low grunt and groan escaping his lips before you feel him burst inside of you, painting your walls white with his cum as his cock pulses and pushes inside of you, pushing his seed out and into your womb.

gently, sukuna slows down, without slipping out of you. he gently releases his hold on your leg, tenderly kissing your calf, before he turns your body, plopping down next to you as he turns you on your side, your back pressed against his chest as he gently bends your leg, his hand sliding down and rubbing your thigh. his hand on your neck releases, and gently, sukuna brushes your hair from your face as he kisses your neck and jaw, behind your ears, and softly whispers into your ear. “such a good girl for daddy. daddy’s so proud of you. took my cock so well, baby…” he murmurs softly, burying his face in your neck, “you’re gonna look so pretty with my baby in your belly, my precious girl. you’re gonna be such a good mommy to our little spawns, i just know it. you did such a good job. you deserve all my praise and more, beautiful.” he murmurs into your ear, holding you close.

and gently, you melt into his arms like that, sukuna’s cock still buried inside of you, his cum and your fluids gently leaking out and dripping down your thighs. when he notices it, sukuna chuckles, scooping up the excess and smirking, gently bringing his finger up to your lips, wiping your mixed fluids on his lips as he looks down at you, a sly grin on his face.

“uh oh, baby… looks like some spilled out. daddy’s gonna have to fill you up again, okay, brat? make sure not to spill any this time, yeah? good girl.”

—————

two months later, you’re sound asleep in sukuna’s arms when you’re awoken by the sound of a truck beeping, signaling it is backing up. slowly, you lift your head from the sound, glancing up at sukuna as he groans, the sound having intruded on his dreams of you. he moves his arm up, groaning and moving it over his eyes, before huffing. “the fuck?” he grumbles, looking up at the ceiling. “who the fuck is being so loud this early in the morning?”

“can you go see who is being so loud, please, kuna? i’m sleepy.” you whimper softly, pouting out your bottom lip as you look up at the larger man.

gently, sukuna reaches down, picking up your hand. he slowly lifts it, looking down at it, gently rubbing his thumb over the warm metal of the ring sukuna had put on your finger only a few days after the barbecue. he hums softly, and you gently return the hum, before leaning up and kissing his cheek gently, pouting out your bottom lip against his flesh.

“i’m afraid i might end up behind bars for murdering whoever interrupted my beloved’s beauty sleep, princess.” sukuna hums softly, shifting in the bed, kissing your knuckles. “she needs it after all, since she’s carrying my-”

sukuna’s bedroom door suddenly swings open, and you both jump, looking up to the doorway. standing in the doorway, uraume scowls at the two of you, hatred written across their face. “i’m moving out. there’s a truck outside to collect my things.” uraume huffs.

“going so soon?” sukuna grumbles, rolling his eyes.

“fuck you two. you should be ashamed of yourselves. especially you, dad. what kind of disgusting pervert fucks his child’s best friend?” uraume snarls, clenching their fists. “i’m moving out. i cannot take your torture anymore. never speak to me again. as of today, you no longer have a child, sukuna.”

“at least i wasn’t fucking my best friend’s boyfriend behind her back and lying to her about it,” sukuna grumbles, rolling his eyes. “i am fine with you not being my child. but don’t be so naive as to assume that you will be my only child.” he huffs, leaning back down, snuggling into the bed with you as you shut your eyes, letting out a quiet breath.

“...what?” uraume murmurs out, the color draining from their face at sukuna’s words.

“it’s a good thing you are moving out on your own anyway. we needed your bedroom for the nursery.” sukuna said nonchalantly, shifting behind you.

the color drained from uraume’s face, their eyes widening as they looked at sukuna, before looking down at you as you shut your eyes, carelessly melting into their father. slowly, uraume glances at sukuna’s dresser, and immediately, they spot it: the positive pregnancy tests, all sitting on the dresser like collectibles. uraume stands up straighter, nausea flooding over them as they look back at sukuna. no, this couldn’t be…

and then, finally, your voice quips out as you turn in sukuna’s arms, stuffing your face in his chest. “just keep the noise down. it’s exhausting enough carrying being pregnant with your dad’s baby. i don’t need the sound of your bitterness keeping me up too.”

—————

masterlist!

not proofread.

please do not copy, steal, repost, and/or translate.

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docrobinavitch · 18 days ago

Text

penance

dr. robby x f!attending!reader masterlist content: 18+ mdni, ANGST, sexually explicit content, swearing, mentions of family trauma, complicated mother/daughter dynamic, sibling death, grief, age gap words: 5.6K synopsis: reader has worked too many goddamn shifts on the opposite shift as robby and they both take out their frustrations on one another. this takes place in the same universe as sacraments of healing, roughly a year and a half later. i think they can be read separately for the most part, you just might miss out on the full context of the fucked up family dynamics going on in the background here. a/n: well!! this was quite literally requested but for some reason i still get the feeling nobody wants to read this. kdfhgkdjhg perhaps because sacraments and now this one the reader is soooo much like me it feels like self harm at times when i write her ksdfhgkjdfg anyway i hope you guys like it!! i don't think i'll be writing anything else for these two but i am really so so grateful for all the love you've given sacraments. it is still a shock to me. as always thank you for reading.

Your eyelid was twitching. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d slept for more than three hours uninterrupted. You had worked seven night shifts back to back with a double thrown in the middle and you swore you could still hear the beep of the heart monitors even when you were at home. It was keeping you awake. It was also keeping you awake that you and Robby were on opposite schedules. You never slept well if he wasn’t in bed with you.

Your neck ached and you stretched it to one side as you held your phone a couple of inches away from your ear. Your back was pressed against the wall in the ambulance bay and your mother was shouting at you through the phone.

“If they repossess his car he’ll have no way to get to work and he’ll lose his job and he’ll be back at square one.”

“Well, Tommy should’ve thought of that before he financed a car when he had only had his new job a fuckin’ week.” You pinched the bridge of your nose, “I mean, Christ, does he ever think things through for more than five seconds?”

“We can’t all be perfect like you, Ace.”

“That’s not what I said—��

“Both our credit scores will be in the fucking toilet if they repossess, is that what you want?”

You paused and then scoffed, “You cosigned the loan?”

“He’s my baby and he needed help, of course I did,” You rolled your eyes, “I would do the same for you if you asked!”

“Well he shouldn’t have fucking asked is the point! He’s a grown man!” You sighed heavily, “How much does he need?”

Your mom’s quiet for a moment, “Fifteen thousand.”

You banged the back of your head into the brick wall behind you, squeezing your eyes shut tight. The throbbing in your neck had extended to your head. You were so fucking tired. “I can’t do this right now, I’m at work. I’ll call you back.”

“I know they pay you well at that hospital—“

“Do you have any idea how much debt I’m still in from medical school? You’re asking for the entirety of my emergency fund. Everything I’ve fucking saved.”

“He’s your baby brother. You would’ve done it for Benji.“

You balked, the back of your head bouncing off the wall. She could be so fucking cruel sometimes in an effort to get what she wanted, it still managed to shock you, to steal the air from your lungs.

Just then, Robby walked through the ambulance bay doors, backpack slung over his shoulder. He was heading home, sunglasses perched on his head to compete with the sun that was setting low in the sky.

Ever since he had come home with you that Christmas, he had become like a watchdog of sorts. His hackles would always raise whenever he heard you on the phone with someone in your family or you said you were going to see your parents. Despite it all, you still went every now and then, though you had taken to meeting them only in public where you could guarantee they wouldn’t make a scene.

The last thing you needed right now was for Robby to hear any of this conversation. He’d probably take the phone from you and tell your mom exactly where she could shove it.

You cleared your throat, swallowed down the bile of her words. “I really have to go, I’m at work. I’ll talk to you later.” You hung up without waiting for her reply, knowing you would get hell for that later.

“Hey,” Robby smiled at you, trapping you between himself and the wall, “Who was that?”

You sighed, “My mother.”

He raised his eyebrows, “Do I want to know?”

“No.” You rested your forehead against his, “You really, really don’t.”

“I miss you,” He whispered and caught your lips with his own.

You both loved Robby a criminal amount and missed him terribly considering you had been on opposite schedules for almost two weeks now, but with the call from your mom, the lack of sleep, and impending headache when you were just starting your shift, you couldn’t handle being touched right now. You felt like you were one inconvenience away from crawling out of your skin.

You pulled away, leaning your head back against the wall, “Sorry, I can’t right now.”

Robby shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away from you. It was clear to you he was trying to cover up his hurt and frustration at your rejection. It wasn’t the first time. You had been overwhelmed and overstimulated for days on end. The few times you’d run into each other you could barely tolerate a kiss on the cheek.

“Have you been sleeping?” He asked.

“Not really. Have you?”

He shrugged, “Enough. But going out of my goddamn mind from not being able to touch you for something like three weeks now.”

“Well then maybe you should tell Gloria to get me off the fucking night shift, like I asked you to three days ago.” You snapped.

He laughed shortly and ran a hand over his beard, “You know it’s not that simple. They were short an attending, you were asked to pick up the slack—“

“I wasn’t asked, I was told.”

“Fucking semantics. You get a week off after today, okay? Could you just be a team player?”

You laughed, “Have I not worked 80+ hours this week without complaint, including a fucking double? Or is this just because I won’t get on my knees and suck you off right now? Is that the kind of team player you’re looking for?”

“Wow,” He stared at you, shaking his head, “That was mean even by your standards. What did your mom say to you to provoke such vitriol, hm?”

You scoffed, “I’m fucking out of my mind with exhaustion, Robby, alright? Not everything is about her.”

“What did she say?” He repeated.

The ambulance bay doors slid open again and Abbot called out your name, “Incoming OD in five, we need you.”

You turned back to Robby, “Fuck off,” You said firmly and pushed yourself off the wall, skirting around him to get back inside.

“See you in the morning!” Robby called after you, anger lodged in every word, “Enjoy your shift!”

You raised your middle finger over your head as you walked back into the ED.

“Something going on with you and Robby?” Abbot asked. Immediately, you turned to scowl at him, “What? I can’t be concerned about my friends? You’re both tense as fuck lately, it’s killing the vibe.”

You raised your eyebrows, “The ‘vibe’?”

He stared at you, “Do you not know what it means? Because I can get Sarah to explain it to you, she’s like, fuckin’, fresh out of nursing school or something—“

“I know what it means, Jack, thank you.” Your eyelid was twitching again and you kneaded a finger against it as if you would find a reset button there, “Robby and I are fine, okay? Nothing to worry about.”

Ellis appeared behind the two of them, “She’s lying, they haven’t fucked in weeks.” Ellis hissed to Jack.

“Parker!” You whirled on her, “What the hell, I told you that in confidence!”

Jack was laughing, “It’s fine, I already knew. Robby told me.”

You scoffed and felt your face redden, “Oh, that’s fantastic, so the whole ER knows I’m going through a dry spell?”

Jack shrugged, a smirk on his face, “You know, if you want to get him back here I can make sure no one goes in the on call room—“

You raised a finger to quiet him, “Not another word.” You sighed and stretched your neck again, “Bunch of animals, all of you. I hate the night shift.”

“The night shift doesn’t like you either,” Ellis said, “You’re harshing the vibe.”

You and Jack made eye contact, and though you shook your head in exasperation, you were finally, mercifully, smiling.

***

Your phone wouldn’t stop ringing. It was past midnight and she was still hounding you. Text after text after missed call after voicemail.

If he doesn’t pay the 15k within 24 hours the car will get repo’d

if it was you, we’d all help you, Ace

But that was just it, wasn’t it. It would never be you because you had learned to be so fucking Type A from an early age so as not to be a burden. So you wouldn’t have to need anyone. You only ever needed Benji, and he was gone. And you loved Tommy, truly, but everything had always been handed to him. No one had ever told him no. It was why they were in this situation to begin with. He took and took and took and didn’t care who he hurt in the process. You had given him money more times than you could count, even when you really didn’t have it to give. And always, you’d regret it when he never suddenly became more responsible.

“Dr. Y/N?” It was Ellis in front of you when you looked up from your phone.

“Hi, sorry.” You shook the thoughts from your head, “What d’you need?”

Her eyes narrowed, tracing a path from your face to your phone and back again, “You good?”

You smiled, “Just tired.” You nodded to the iPad in her hand, “Is that South 17’s labs?”

“Yeah.” She handed you the iPad and you listened to her as she reported the results and her recommended course of treatment.

You nodded, “That all sounds good. Great work, Dr. Ellis.”

Ellis took the iPad back from you, but then looking over your shoulder, she paused, “Dr. Robby?”

You turned, and Robby was standing there in sweats and a hoodie. Immediately, your head went in a million different places at once as you rushed over to him, “What are you doing here, baby?” You looked him over, panic beginning to set in, “Are you hurt?”

“Oh, it’s ‘baby’ now, is it?” He looked tired as he looked down at you, “After the way you spoke to me earlier?”

You opened and closed your mouth, then sighed, “I’m—I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m so tired.” Tears pin pricked the backs of your eyes.

He nodded, “Can we talk for a minute?”

You followed him out to the ambulance bay, your anxiety a living thing in your chest. He was upset. He showed up at work in the middle of the night. This was it, wasn’t it? He’d finally had enough. He was leaving. You were always too much, always too much of a burden. You both needed too much and too little. There had always been an expiration date on the two of you, but somehow you’d thought maybe you could extend it further and further.

Robby turned to you and put his hands together in front of his mouth, looking down towards the ground, “I want to preface this by saying I did not go snooping looking for this information. Your iPad would not stop fucking dinging and I couldn’t sleep.”

You frowned, completely thrown off by this turn in the conversation, “My iPad? What about my iPad?”

“It kept ringing whenever you got a call or text from your mother. I went to go turn it off, but I saw the texts.”

You sighed, “Oh…” Then you shook your head, “I’m sorry, maybe it’s the lack of sleep, I still don’t understand why you’re here.”

“You’re not going to give Tommy fifteen grand, are you?”

Oh. He was here because he was worried about you. Not leaving. He wasn’t leaving. Suddenly, his protective behavior seemed like a relief. You felt the bizarre urge to laugh, then. But he was still looking at you, “Um, I—I don’t know.” You said finally.

He sighed, “Honey, I know you don’t have that kind of money. I’ve seen what you pay monthly for student loans.”

“I have fifteen thousand in my savings account.”

“That’s for emergencies.”

You huffed impatiently, “Can’t this wait until I get home? You should be sleeping.”

“No, because I need to know that you understand you don’t owe them anything.” He said fiercely.

“Robby—“

“No, don’t tell me it’s none of my business or, or I don’t understand. Every time you talk to them I watch them knock you down a peg. Make you believe you don’t deserve what you have or that you owe them for it. And still, you give and give and give, and it’s breaking my heart. You tear yourself open again and again hoping this time they’ll love you like you deserve,” He shook his head, “You don’t need them to. Baby, I promise, you don’t need them to.”

You shook your head marginally, eyes filling with tears. It was both frustrating and incredibly soothing to be known so well. “There’s still six hours left of my shift, I really don’t want to do this right now.”

“Too bad. I’ll tell Jack you’re leaving early.”

It was the wrong thing to say. You could tell he was genuinely concerned for you and that was all well and good, but you weren’t a child to be ordered around at his whim. Besides which, you had begged him to get you off the night shift days ago and he had simply shrugged his shoulders and said it was out of his hands. But now, suddenly, you could go home, when it suited him. Now he would do something about it with just six hours left.

Any progress he may have just made quickly evaporated and you carefully padlocked him out.

You shook your head at him, “I don’t need daddy to intervene on my behalf, I’m a big girl—“

“That’s not what I meant—“

“—Go home, Robby. We’ll talk later.”

You walked back inside without waiting for his reply.

What you didn’t notice was five minutes later when he followed you back inside. You were busy with a head injury on a two year old who had tried to climb out of his crib and hit his head on a dresser on his way down. You didn’t see him follow Abbot and pull him into an empty patient room.

Afterwards, you grabbed a Snickers bar from the break room and headed to the hub to see how bad of a mess the board was looking. As you tore a bite from the candy bar, Abbot walked up to you.

“You okay?” He asked softly.

You frowned and turned to look at him. He was regarding you with a soft intensity you had only seen him look at his residents with. The underdogs who needed a bit more encouragement to gain their footing. He was assessing you, you realized.

You shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot and looked back up at the board, “M’fine. Stop looking at me like that, it’s giving me hives.”

He sighed next to you, “Why don’t you go home? Get some sleep? You’ve worked eight days straight, you must be exhausted.”

Your jaw paused mid chew and you turned back to him before swallowing, “Where is he?”

“Hm?”

Your eyes flitted around the emergency room, “Don’t play dumb, Abbot. Robby, where is he? He told you to send me home? After I asked him not to?”

Jack sighed, “He’s worried about you.”

You laughed, “Right. And do you think if I came in during one of his shifts and said he should go home early because I was worried about him that he’d listen?”

He tilted his head to force you to look at him, “Come on, kid. You don’t wanna be here anyway, I can tell. Don’t be stubborn.”

You shook your head and scoffed, “The two of you are fucking insufferable.”

“Oh, don’t be like that—“

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving.” You said, walking off towards the lockers.

When you got to the lockers, you stopped and scowled when you saw Robby leaning against them. He pocketed his phone and eyed you as you opened your locker and grabbed your things.

You slammed your locker shut and started walking without waiting to see if he followed.

***

Of course, he followed. Long and even strides just behind your furious and frantic gate.

And it made you angrier that he was so calm, no doubt relishing in the fact that he had won.

Once inside your apartment, you dropped your backpack and kicked off your sneakers with an attitude so adolescent like, Robby had to fight a smirk.

You headed to the fridge, grabbed an IPA and cracked the can open before taking a long drink. Robby followed as you made your way to the bathroom, beginning to strip. Still ignoring him.

“You’re not going to invite me to share your shower beer?” He asked, leaning in the doorway.

The truth was, you were nearly buzzing with anxiety and frustration. With him, with your family, with Abbot. The feeling of failure at not being able to finish your shift. The exhaustion that infected you to your very bones. The thought that if you didn’t come through for Tommy he would lose his job and your mother’s credit would be fucked. You thought if he touched you then you might start yelling, or worse, sobbing.

You said nothing, turned on the shower and faced away from him as you waited for the water to warm. You tapped your fingers erratically against your beer can and stretched your still aching neck.

“Your neck bothering you again?” You continued to ignore him, but stopped stretching. You heard him sigh behind you, “I could give you a massage in the shower. If you agree to a truce. You were really mean earlier. I was overbearing and controlling just now. What d’you say we call it even?”

Your neck really did hurt and it had spread to your shoulders and upper back as well as causing a throbbing headache. And the last time Robby had gently kneaded at the knots there, the relief had been almost instant.

“Fine.” You said softly and climbed into the shower, perching your beer precariously in the shower caddy that hung from the shower head.

You heard him undress and then the sound of the curtain rustling as he climbed in behind you.

He rested his hands on your hips first, leaning his head down to kiss your shoulders. His touch was soft and tender and everything today and this week had not been. You had to remind yourself to breathe so you wouldn’t cry.

“Too much?” He murmured against your skin.

You were afraid to speak, so you pushed yourself back into him instead. He twined his arms fully around your waist, your back flush to his chest. You felt his chest heave with a sigh of contentment and suddenly you felt guilty of depriving him of your touch for so long.

In silent apology, you passed the beer can to him and kissed the palm of the hand he wasn’t using.

“I thought you were breaking up with me. When you showed up at the ER.” You said softly.

You felt him tense behind you, “Why would you think that?”

You shrugged your shoulders, “I don’t know. I was mean earlier.”

He’s quiet a moment, trying to find the right words to say, how to reassure you that it had never even crossed his mind, “We can both be… difficult at times. You worked too much this week, you should’ve never even been working that shift today. I was dismissive. You were exhausted. I know you didn’t mean it. That you wouldn’t have said it under any other circumstances. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

After passing the beer back to you, he raised his hands to the back of your neck, kneading gentle circles with his thumbs deep into your muscles. It took only a few moments of this before you were whimpering. You swore you heard Robby chuckle behind you at the sounds.

He moved his hands lower, to your shoulders, and hissed as he felt the knots beneath your skin, “Fuck, sweetheart, how did you get so tense?” He pressed a kiss to your hair, “Am I not taking good enough care of you?”

You turned in his arms so you could see his face, bringing your hands up to cup his cheeks, “If anything you take too good care of me.” You said softly, eyes searching him. He closed his eyes at your touch, inhaling deeply. “C’mere.” You wrapped your arms around him, pulling until his head rested on your shoulder as you lightly scratched his back. “I’m sorry.”

Under the warm spray of the shower and the beer starting to hit, the frantic energy was beginning to leave you.

“I’m sorry too.” He pulled away slightly to bend your foreheads together, “I still don’t think you should hand off your emergency fund to your brother, though.”

You ran your hands up and down his chest, eyes snagging on the chain around his neck. It had, tragically, been a long time since you had seen him shirtless. With the anxiety beginning to drain from you, the sight of him naked in front of you like this had your blood beginning to pound, “Can we talk about that in the morning, please?”

He must’ve heard the hitch in your voice because you saw the beginnings of a smirk on his face, “Was there something else you wanted to do tonight?”

You licked your lips and swallowed, watched as his eyes traced the bob of your throat, “Perhaps.”

His eyes darted back up to yours and he brushed a thumb across your lower lip, “It’s okay?” He asked, breathless, and it sent a pang through you. That he was worried maybe you didn’t want him.

You nodded eagerly and then his mouth was on yours. It was deep and imploring the way he kissed you. Slow and patient, even though he had been waiting, begging, to taste you like this for weeks. But Robby had never been a frantic lover, he always longed for deep and slow so he could really feel you, commit every touch and taste to memory to be dissected later when you weren’t around. When all he had to satisfy himself was the thought of you.

He was capable of doing it fast and rough, if that was what you needed, but he would choose this every time. Still kissing you, he reached behind you to turn off the shower.

“No shower sex?” You teased.

“Absolutely not,” He grabbed a towel and wrapped it as much as he could around both of you, drying quickly, “Not with the way I need to have you right now.”

Your stomach flipped as he guided you back to the bedroom, lips never leaving yours. When the backs of your legs hit the bed, you stopped him with a hand to his chest.

“You first,” You said, gesturing to the bed.

He raised his eyebrows, but said nothing more as he sat on the edge of the bed. You stood between his thighs, hand still pressed to his chest. Robby put his hand over yours, face tilted up just a bit so he could watch you.

You pushed gently until he was flat on the bed crawling over him until you were perched above him. Teasingly, you ground down, rubbing your folds against his erection and watched with satisfaction as his eyes rolled back.

“Fuck,” He swore, and then reached a hand to the back of your neck, pulling you back down so he could muffle his desperate whines with your mouth.

You kept grinding as you kissed him, sucking on his tongue as you slid against him, almost, almost allowing him to slip inside, but not quite. Over and over and over until he felt delirious and a little insane.

“This is fucking cruel,” He panted desperately after a few minutes of your teasing, “If I knew you were going to do this I never would have let you get on top.”

“Oh?” You smirked, “I thought you liked it slow?”

Again, you teased his tip with your entrance, and he made a noise halfway between a groan and a laugh when you slipped away again, “Oh, sweetheart, if you don’t ride me right fucking now, I will make you regret how much of a brat you’re being.”

As enticing as that sounded to you, you decided to put him out of his misery. Pushing a hand between the two of you, you guided him to your entrance before fully taking him. Your head instantly fell to his shoulder, gasping as he stretched you out.

“That’s it,” He sighed, his hips bucking into you. As you adjusted to the stretch of him, whining into his neck, he gripped your hips with his fingers and started rolling them himself, “Come on, sweetheart, this is what you wanted, right? Push that pretty head of yours up, wanna see your eyes on me when you ride me.”

You did as you were told. Pushed yourself up with your hands flat to his chest, he hit a different spot now and it had you gasping, how deep he hit.

“You can take it,” He encouraged, rolling your hips again with his hands. For a moment, the feel of him inside you was so intense, spots clouded your vision, “That’s it,” He said when he felt you begin to bounce on him without his assistance, “Good girl. Keep your eyes on me.”

He reached a hand to the apex of your thighs, circling your clit, and you very nearly folded in half at the sensation, but Robby caught you with his other hand, “Keep moving those hips or I’ll stop.”

It was supposed to be you who was in control, but as soon as he had filled you up, all ability to think had left you. The effect he had on you was all consuming. It was unfair, really. Whimpering, you continued rolling your hips, the two of you moaning in sync as you did.

Eventually, Robby sat up, his hands coming to your back to keep you in his lap, “I think it’s time I take over, hm?” He asked softly and kissed you when you nodded, breathless.

You lifted off of him, both of you hissing at the loss and then Robby directed you to lie flat on your stomach. “Up just a little?” He murmured, using a hand to pull your hips up just slightly at an angle, “There you go, good girl.”

Fisting his cock, he leaned down so he could taste you, licking long stripes from your clit to the ends of your folds and you moaned, fisting the bed sheets.

Your breathing caught when he pushed a finger into you and you heard him sigh from behind you. “Fuck me,” He murmured more to himself than to you.

Finally, he pushed himself into you and then leaned over you, pushing you both flat against the mattress. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, not to choke, but the suggestion that he could was there and your stomach tightened.

“I want you to come first,” He whispered in your ear as he started to rock back and forth, effortlessly hitting that spot that made you dizzy with pleasure. The movement created friction from the bed sheets to your clit and you moaned, “Think you can do that for me, angel?”

You hummed in response, “Already close.” You managed.

He quickened his pace only slightly, but enough that the rhythm had every one of your muscles tightening, coiling for release, “Oh, I can feel how close you are,” He groaned, your walls tightening around him, “Come on, sweetheart, just a little more.”

You rutted your hips further into the mattress as he rocked into you, creating as much friction as possible, and then you were coming undone. Robby’s arms tightened around you as if to anchor you as your muscles contracted repeatedly and he whispered how good you are, how pretty, all the while still rocking his hips into you.

As you came down from your orgasm, he quickened his thrusts, pushing into you harder and faster until he was quickly pulling out of you, ropes of cum releasing on your ass and back.

He collapsed to the side of you, both of you breathing hard as you turned to look at each other. You smiled softly at him, eyes drooping with exhaustion now that the rush of your climax had begun to fade.

He threaded a hand through the hair at the nape of your neck and pulled you to him, kissing you tenderly, “Don’t move.”

Once he had cleaned you up, he guided you back to the shower. Back under the water, he silently turned you so he could resume massaging your shoulders and neck.

“Gonna put me to sleep,” You said after a few minutes under the gentle assault of his fingers.

“That’s the idea.”

You whined, “But it’s been so long, don’t you want a round two?”

He chuckled behind you, “You need to sleep first, you’re running on fumes and spite.”

You smirked, “I have enough of both to make you come again.”

“Tempting,” He pressed a kiss to your shoulder, “But no.” He turned off the shower and grabbed a towel to wrap around you, “Bed. Now.”

“Buzzkill.” You teased as you dried yourself off, slipping into a clean t-shirt and panties before sliding between the sheets.

Robby joined you shortly after and the two of you faced each other in bed. Your eyes were closed and you listened to the sound of his breathing, he took a deep inhale before speaking again, “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I have a feeling your phone’s gonna start ringing very early tomorrow. I don’t want you talking to them before we’ve had a chance to talk.”

You sighed and blinked your eyes open again. The room was dark, but you could make out the shape of him, the soft glint of his eyes as they watched you. His hand rested on your hip, his thumb rubbing circles at the bare skin between your panties and t-shirt.

“What would you have me do?” You asked softly, “Tell them to get fucked?”

“You should tell them you don’t have the money.”

“But I do have the money.”

“When was the last time you gave Tommy money, hm?”

You sighed, “Last year.”

“How much?”

“Three grand.”

“And what did he do with it?” You were quiet, so he answered for you, “He gambled it all away in two weeks, if I remember correctly.”

“This is different, it’s for a solid, tangible item that he needs—“

“Yeah, a car he fucking needs and that he hasn’t been taking care of. He has no fucking reason to because he knows you’ll swoop in to save him whenever he needs it.”

Your chin wobbled and you were thankful the darkness must have covered the hurt look on your face, “You do realize,” You said slowly, focusing on making sure your voice didn’t shake, “That this is all I have? That I have no worth to them if I can’t… If I can’t be the one to fix things?”

“Baby, what I’m trying to tell you is that you’ll never win them that way.” He said gently, “You’ve been cleaning up their messes for, what? Twenty years now? Have you gotten what you want yet? Do they respect you? Love you? Are they gentle with you or do they keep trying to see how many pieces they can break you into?”

You flinched, “That’s a fucked up thing to say to me.” You said quietly.

You heard him sigh and he pulled you closer to him, a silent apology. He didn’t want to hurt you, but it was frankly exhausting watching the way your family continued to take advantage of you.

“What was it your therapist said? About your mom? About your brother?”

You took a shaky inhale, “That they’ve been like this their whole lives and have never tried to change. So my continued efforts to help them change are not only in vein they just end up damaging me instead.”

Robby said nothing, but rubbed your back as he waited. Waited for you to hear what you’d just said, what your therapist had been saying, what he had been saying all day. You deserved better than this from them, God knew, but you would never get it. And it would destroy you the more you kept trying.

You bit your lip, “Fuck.” He heard the tears in the back of your throat as you said it. The realization hitting you all at once, the one you knew but had been trying your best to avoid confronting

He kissed your hair, “Don’t give him that money,” He murmured, “Take care of yourself for once.”

You pushed your face into his neck and sighed, “Okay.”

“I’ll talk to them if you need me to.”

“No,” You said quickly, “No, I can do it.”

He tenderly kissed all over your face, and then finally, kissed your lips, long and slow and he hoped full of as much love as he felt, “You’re very brave, you know?” He said softly.

You smiled, “Thank you.”

Robby pressed one last kiss to your mouth before tucking you under his chin, “Now, get some sleep, sweetheart.”

#the pitt #the pitt x reader #dr robby #dr robby x reader #michael robinavitch #michael robinavitch x reader #dr robby fic #dr robby imagine #dr robby smut #mine

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kingkaisen · 2 years ago

Text

“You Want to Adopt Me?”

♡ — SUMMARY: You & GOJO decide to adopt Yuji & Megumi.

♡ — A/N: This is a continuation of my dad!gojo au, but reading the other parts isn’t necessary.

♡ — WC: 2k

Four hours had passed since the glorious moment in which Yuji discovered that his beloved teacher had a wife and daughter.

And, after having dinner with all of you that evening, he never wanted to leave.

Walking home that night — all alone, with no family around who would care whether or not he was safe — was one of the most difficult things he had to do. It made curse fighting seem like child’s play.

It was so utterly painful; he fought to hold back a tear as he walked down the sidewalk, staring at his shoes, which he could only see thanks to the dim streetlights.

Truth be told, he hated himself for getting so emotional over this.

Most, if not all of his friends were just as lonely as he was. Most of them didn’t sit at a dinner table and gobble down a nice warm meal with a loving family.

Most of them didn’t have a mother to hug them, or a father to cheer them up. And, if their parents were still around, they were probably distant and unloving.

Even so, it didn’t change the fact that having a family was, perhaps, the one thing Yuji truly wanted.

He just wanted to be loved.

The ache in his heart was so incredibly strong. The pain shot throughout his chest, through his veins, and down to his fingertips.

“Why am I so emotional? I can’t cry over this,” Yuji thought. “This isn’t something worth crying over.”

An unwavering lump in his throat formed from his attempts at holding back a cry.

That was when his footsteps came to a halt.

What was the point in rushing back to his lonely, isolating room at the school?

No one was waiting for him. He could go anywhere he wanted, and no one would truly miss him.

People would look for him, but mainly because of their obligation as sorcerers to track down Sukuna’s vessel. Nothing more.

Some people would actually prefer it if Yuji did disappear. And a few people were honest enough to tell him that to his face.

As he stood there, in the dark, alone on the sidewalk on such a cold night, he couldn’t help but wonder if his friends would secretly be happy if he did somehow vanish into thin air.

Maybe loneliness was destined for him. Maybe everyone would feel safer if he didn’t return to the school. Maybe-

“Hey, Yuji!”

Gojo’s voice startled the young boy, who instantly turned around to see his teacher approaching him, his hands in his pockets. “You didn’t make it too far — good.”

“Is everything okay?” Yuji asked.

Gojo could hear the sadness in his voice, but he decided not to comment on it. After all, he knew exactly why his student was upset. He didn’t have to be a genius to figure it out.

“Yeah, listen,” Gojo paused, “it’s pretty cold and dark out here. Why don’t you come back to my house and stay the night? We can both head back to the school in the morning.”

For a moment, Yuji felt a spark of happiness, but that spark quickly fizzled out.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Yuji frowned. “I’m a vessel. I’m dangerous. Having me sleep in the same house as your wife and kid would be-”

“Would be fine,” Gojo interrupted. “Nothing bad is going to happen, Yuji. Me and Y/N both know that you’re a vessel, and we want you to come anyway.”

Yuji didn’t respond. Nor did he move an inch. Gojo spoke once again.

“She wants to make you pancakes in the morning,” he said in a tempting tone. “Homemade too. The kind that has the crispy edges, but are very soft and fluffy at the same time? We have syrup and butter — orange juice as well. Or do you prefer apple juice? We have both, either way. Not to mention, the bed in our guest bedroom is bigger and way more comfortable than the one at the school-“

“Okay!” Yuji suddenly smiled happily, and it was a real, genuine grin.

He quickly rushed past Gojo, making his way back to your warm, cozy home eagerly.

—

Seven months later, Yuji visited your home as often as he could. Sometimes, Megumi would tag along with him, as the dark-haired boy secretly craved a connection with a loving family too, even if he’d never admit it.

On this particular day, Megumi was lying on the couch, covered in blankets as he watched a movie about two princesses going on some sort of adventure.

Megumi was injured during his last mission, and thanks to the chilly weather, he was also catching a bit of a cold as well. You insisted upon taking care of him, but your daughter insisted that making him watch Barbie movies all afternoon would make him feel better.

As the two of them watched the movie together, you were in the kitchen, standing over your wooden cutting board as you chopped up carrots, onions, and celery.

Yuji hovered over the sink, washing the dishes.

“I want you to have some soup as well, Yuji. You could catch a cold any day now.”

“Yes ma’am,” Yuji said, scrubbing a plate as he smiled softly. “I really appreciate it.”

Suddenly, the front door opened, and Gojo walked in, shouting casually, “I’m home, everyone!”

Quick, soft footsteps could be heard pattering against the floor as your daughter ran up to Gojo, holding her arms out.

“Daddy! You’re home!” She giggled as he lifted her.

“I’ve missed my little muffin so much,” tickling her, he said, “did you have a good day? I think my little girl has grown a couple of inches since I last saw her this morning! Did she grow? Hm?”

The sound of your daughter’s laughter made Gojo smile brightly.

As he held her, he walked into the living room and ruffled Megumi’s hair.

“Cut it out,” the teenager frowned.

“Good to see you too,” Gojo paused, pressing the back of his hand against Megumi’s forehead. “You’ve cooled down a little since this morning, that’s good. I’ll give you some more medicine later on, okay?”

“Okay,” Megumi mumbled.

Gojo slowly put his daughter down. “I’m gonna go say hi to Mom, okay? Keep an eye on Megumi for me.”

“Okay!” Your daughter happily replied. “I can keep an eye on Meg-mi!”

When Gojo made his way into the kitchen, ruffling Yuji’s hair as the boy walked passed him on his way to join Megumi and your daughter in the living room, you instantly stopped chopping your vegetables.

You wrapped your arms around your husband’s neck.

“Hi baby,” he greeted, kissing your lips softly. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too,” with a smile, you looked into his eyes. “Did you have a good day? Kill any curses?”

“I had a great day. Didn’t kill any curses, though. I was just stuck in a bunch of meetings with the higher-ups,” Gojo said softly, his face only inches from yours, his hands on your hips. “What’s on your mind? You have that look in your eyes.”

“Well,” you paused. “I know they’re teenagers, and they’re very strong and independent, but . . . I can’t help but feel protective over those boys. I love them both like they’re my own. Last week, Yuji accidentally called me mom. He was just so excited when he saw the new clothes I got him for winter, and it slipped out. And it just made me think that, well . . . Maybe he should be able to call me mom. Both he and Megumi. I wanna adopt them.”

Gojo was silent for a moment, which made you frown a bit in worry. Suddenly, he kissed your pouty lips. It was a soft, passionate kiss — one that told you just how much he loved you.

“I think that’s a great idea,” he mumbled against your lips once he pulled away.

“I just think that those boys deserve a place to call home, and that school certainly isn’t it, especially when the people who run it don’t care about their lives at all. It’s just horrible.” Your frown deepened. “And we have more than enough room here, too. We can keep them safe and happy.”

“Let’s go tell them.”

—

Yuji, Megumi, and your daughter were all sitting in the living room, enjoying each other’s company.

The sight of it only confirmed that you and Gojo were making the right decision.

“Hey, we need to talk to you three,” Gojo said.

Megumi grabbed the remote, switching off the television as he struggled to sit upright.

“What’s going on?” Yuji asked, sitting on the floor as your daughter sat down beside him.

“Well, we noticed that you and Megumi have been spending a lot of time here recently.”

Gojo’s words sent an all too familiar heartache through Yuji’s chest. He frowned sadly.

“They’re about to tell me to go away,” Yuji thought. “I knew this wouldn’t last.”

“Me and Gojo decided that it would be best for-”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain. I get it. I can leave.” Yuji suddenly cut you off, trying his best to hide his pain behind a smile. Slowly, he started to get up, and your daughter grabbed ahold of his pants leg, looking up at him sadly. “I’m sorry if I was a bother. Thanks for everything.”

“Woah, Yuji, where are you going?” You called out, watching the teenager head for the front door.

“Yuji, stop,” Gojo stood up from his seat.

Yuji, who was almost out of the living room, instantly stopped walking. But he didn’t turn back around.

Quiet sniffles could be heard. No matter how hard he fought, or how much he had been through, he wasn’t strong enough to hold back his tears.

The pain of feeling unwanted was simply too great.

He tried to wipe his tears away quickly and silence his little sobs, as he didn’t want to make you and Gojo feel guilty for not wanting a dangerous vessel like him around.

Slowly, Gojo approached his crying student. “Yuji, you have it all wrong. We don’t want you to go anywhere.”

Yuji didn’t respond.

Gojo placed a comforting hand on the crying boy’s head.

“Me and Y/N are going to adopt you,” Gojo smiled. “Looks like you’re my son now.”

“We wanna adopt you too, Megumi,” you said, smiling at the stunned teenager. “We want you to be our son too.”

“I don’t get it — why?” Megumi asked rather sadly. The pain of being unwanted.

“Because we love and care about both of you, so why not?” You said.

“You guys . . . You want to adopt me?” Yuji turned around, his wide, glassy eyes shiny with utter shock. “This isn’t some sort of prank, is it?”

“Of course not,” Gojo grinned at Yuji, before turning his attention towards his daughter, who was starting to tear up when she saw that Yuji was about to leave. “You’re going to have two new brothers, muffin!”

Your daughter smiled brightly, standing up and she ran over to the couch, throwing her arms across Megumi to hug him. Then, she ran up to Yuji with open arms, and he bent down and hugged his future little sister.

“This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Yuji said, flickering his eyes between you and Gojo. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I promise that I’ll be the greatest son ever!”

Megumi, who stared at his lap as he tried to process everything, suddenly spoke up.

“Thank you for everything,” he mumbled. “I really . . . Thank you.”

“Let’s have a group hug!” Yuji happily suggested.

“Great idea,” Gojo added on just as excitedly. “Everyone pile on top of Megumi since he can’t come to us.”

“Wait, wait, wait-“

Megumi’s new family instantly rushed over to the couch, hugging him and giving him more love than he could handle.

Truthfully, he had no idea how to begin processing this level of happiness, but he looked forward to learning what joy was like.

When Yuji cried this time, he didn’t bother stopping the tears. The warm and silly embrace was healing his soul in ways he didn’t know were possible.

His dream had come true — everything he ever wanted.

Yuji sighed in contentment as the hugging continued, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“Finally,” he said with relief.

He finally had a family.

Next part.

14K notes · View notes

farfromharry · 2 months ago

Text

I noticed

Summary: He never notices you, but Lando does

w/c 3456

Lando Norris x Reader

a/n this was meant to be a few hundred words, oops. if you have any lando or oscar requests, pls do send. also reblogs are hugely appreciated

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“I don’t know why you bother, he’s a dickhead.”

Your body sagged and you sighed, setting down your makeup brush and locking eyes with him through the mirror. He was still lounging across your bed in his going out clothes, hair done to perfection, his phone basically hanging out of his hand as he eyed you. It must have been the 4th time in the last hour he’d made a similar snide comment and you were growing tired of repeating yourself. “He’s not a dickhead, he’s just…” There were a lot of words you could have used to describe him. Hell, Lando could probably supply a few himself, not that you would like his suggestions. Rude and unpleasant came to mind. “Shy.”

He snorted. “Shy?” That was the last word he would use. “The last time I saw him he had his tongue down a random girl’s throat and his hand under her dress.”

You remembered that. The memory stung. It bad been a celebration for Lando, a race win, you couldn’t remember which one now. Much like tonight, you had gotten dressed up in the hopes of him finally making a move and yet when you arrived he already had a girl in his arms. Still, you shielded him from Lando’s harsh words, something he probably didn’t deserve.

“Lots of people kiss on a night out, Lando. He probably didn’t even talk to her.” Defending him to your friends had become somewhat of a routine for you.

“We were in a restaurant, Y/N.”

You didn’t know what else to say. It had definitely been inappropriate and you had no idea how the staff hadn’t put a stop to it. For some reason unbeknownst to Lando, you just couldn’t admit he wasn’t a good guy. You refused to hear it.

With a huff you picked up your brush again, resuming your makeup and paying Lando’s negative comments no mind. “Look, I don’t need you to understand it. You can keep your opinions to yourself.” Her tone was sharp, one he wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of.

He didn’t say anything else until they were ready to go.

On your way out of the door he grabbed your arm gently. You turned to look at him with a raised brow, annoyance still simmering under your surface. Sure you would get over what he said soon, but you didn’t want to let him off too lightly.

“Look,” he started, eyes peering into yours with a genuine sincerity you didn’t see all the often. “I just want you to be careful, that’s all. I don’t want some asshole to break your heart.”

Lando and Jake were technically friends too, or at least they ran in the same circle, but that didn’t mean he did anything more than tolerate him. He hadn’t ever really spent much time with him, not on his own, but he had seen enough in group settings. He knew what he was like. You were far too good for him, but you couldn’t seem to see the bad in him.

“He’s your friend too,” you pointed out. “You are the company you keep right?”

His face fell and he put a step of extra distance between them. The words stung. Lando didn’t think he was a brilliant guy. He had his flaws, he didn’t always show up, he had messed a few girls around in his younger years, but he wasn’t like Jake. For you to even imply that he could be, it hurt.

Somehow, you didn’t notice the change in his mood, or how stiffly he agreed with you. “Right.”

If you noticed the sudden shift in his demeanour, you didn’t mention it. The two of you just climbed inside his McLaren and made your way silently to the party. It was awkward, uncomfortable, something that spending time with Lando never was. It made you shift uneasily in your seat.

Every now and then you’d glance over at him, hoping to see him trying to hold back a laugh that would shatter the tension lingering in the air. Each time you looked over he was simply looking at the road. You hated it.

Usually when you arrived somewhere together, he acted like a gentleman. He would open the car door for you, loop his arm with yours and you would wander into whatever social gathering you were attending with wide smiles on your faces. In a totally non-misogynistic way, he loved having you on his arm. It created a sense of pride in him. This time, he barely even checked you were following behind him until you made it to the elevator. What followed was a very uncomfortable ride up to the rooftop bar.

You let out a breath as soon as you could finally get out of the confined space with him. The bar was your first stop, then once some wine was secured, you greeted your friends and the hosts.

You didn’t stick with them for long, finding an empty couch to sit on that had a perfect view of the entrance. You had to be ready for the moment he walked in.

As Lando headed to the bar with Max (who he had found very quickly, the pair never far from one another), you painstakingly made sure every bit of your look was perfect. Unbeknownst to you, he was watching every move you made, a habit he picked up years ago when he first decided he was in love with you. His eyes followed you as you smoothed out your dress, brushing some hair over your shoulders, straightening your posture, double and then triple checking your makeup. You wanted tonight to finally be the night Jake noticed you. The dark-haired man’s stomach churned just at the thought.

Every few seconds you shifted, like you were anxious. You scanned your surroundings a few times, making sure he hadn’t entered without you seeing. You’d had more than a few nervous sips of your wine.

When the elevator doors opened and the man occupying almost all of your thoughts finally wandered in, your heart began to race. It was now or never. Really you should have been practicing what you were going to say.

Each step he took that brought him closer to you made your heart rate spike.

“Jake, hey,” you greeted, a beaming smile on your face. Any sane man would have stopped in his tracks, been utterly starstruck by how beautiful you looked. Your hair fell delicately over your shoulders, back straight, dress highlighting every desirable part of you, skin basically glowing in the light. Yet he barely paused to throw a half hearted wave in your direction. He didn’t even smile back. The man had greeted you like it was an inconvenience to him.

Lando watched the whole thing from his seat at the bar. He watched as you deflated, an ache settling in his chest at the look of pure defeat on your face. The brunette knew more than anyone here how much effort you had put into trying to get his attention. You had taken hours to get ready. Adamant thay every detail had to be perfect. Leaving his flat you’d actually been excited about where the night might go. And he had just brought it all crashing down in literal seconds.

For a second or two you didn’t move. Your eyes were fixed on the ground, breaths growing deeper. He saw it in the way your chest heaved. You weren’t going to hold out much longer. The last thing you wanted to do was cry in the middle of a party.

Lando swiftly excused himself from his conversation with Max, not that he’d been listening for the last 10 minutes anyway, and made a beeline for you in the corner.

You didn’t see him coming, you were too in your own head. When a pair of hands landed on your shoulders you were startled. He didn’t leave you wondering for long. His breath brushed your ear as he dipped his head down so he could whisper to you. “Come outside with me? I need some air.”

A frown curled onto your lips. He knew that expression well, you were confused. “We’re already outside, we’re on a roof.”

A few eyes began to glance at you both. He smiled at them. “It’s too crowded out here. It’ll be much quieter.”

You turned your body so you could actually see his face and try to get a read on him. “Are you okay?” Your own sadness was momentarily put on pause as your worry for him outweighed it. Lando was susceptible to anxiety, even anxiety attacks every so offen, you didn’t want to risk that right now. If he was overwhelmed, her feelings could wait.

It was wrong of him, he knew it was, but he played into your worry. “I don’t know. I think I just need to get out of here for a minute.”

You nodded, grabbing your clutch and gulping down the last dregs of wine that had been in your glass. “Let’s go.” You rose to your feet, almost headbutting him on the way up, and slipped your hand into his much larger one.

Really he should feel guilty about it, but he was just glad it worked.

The elevator ride down to the lobby was quiet. You were beginning to think about Jake again, how he had so easily brushed you off. Meanwhile Lando was thinking about you, and what the hell he was going to say when you both got outside. You were going to be so mad at him. The ding that signalled your arrival was far too loud in the silence.

Fresh air felt like a blessing in disguise. You took a deep breath as you finally headed outside. Then you remembered your company.

You whipped around to face him, eyes wide and hands immediately reaching for him like you were checking for any injuries.

He grabbed your hands in his, stopping your obsessing. “I’m okay.” You looked at him as though he was lying. Now was the time to come clean. “I,” he sighed. “Look, I lied.”

“What?”

“I’m fine, really.” You were still unsure, eyes slightly squinted like you were trying to suss him out. “I saw what happened with Jake. You looked upset and I thought you needed an excuse to get out of there. I didn’t know what else to do.”

If there was one thing you wouldn’t do it was admit that you weren’t okay. Lando hated how you couldn’t even do it with him. “Lan, I’m fine. Jake just— he had other things to do, that’s okay.” Excusing his shitty behaviour only made the man more angry. He had seen it all, the way he ignored you, sauntered up to the bar, greeted Max and your other friends, ordered himself a drink and then probably started chatting up the first girl he set his eyes on. He certainly wasn’t busy like you claimed.

“That’s your problem,” he exclaimed.

Your brow furrowed and your face twisted into something of offence. “Excuse me?”

“You’re too nice, too willing to let him walk all over you. He doesn’t give a shit about you, Y/N!” All these feelings had been building up inside Lando for months now. Every time you went on and on about your crush, every time Jake let you down or dismissed you again, he couldn’t take it anymore. He’d had enough. You needed some tough love, someone to tell it to you straight. “Why can’t you see that? Everybody else can!”

Your face fell. The words hit deep. Logically you knew he was right, Jake was never going to give you the attention you so desperately craved from him. He liked having girls falling at his feet. You weren’t special to him, just another admirer. He would never see you as more than someone in his friend group who he didn’t really talk to. To have it pointed out so clearly, especially by someone you care about, it stung.

“No matter what you do, he never notices you. I always notice you.”

You weren’t sure what to take from that. Was it a confession? The thought of him telling you his feelings right now was overwhelming. “Lan…” Your voice wavered. Now that he’d had his initial outburst, his anger died down. Enough to see the tears beginning to line your eyes.

He was such a dick.

He sighed, shoulder’s sagging. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s okay. I know.”

Like a cruel twist of fate, a couple exited the fancy bar where the party was being held. As they grew closer, stepping into the soft glow of light being emitted from the street lamps, you realised you recognised one of them. So did Lando.

Jake clearly couldn’t read the room. “Oh, hey Lando, Jess.” He greeted you both cheerfully, his mystery woman staring at you both as she clung to him.

You frowned, heart cracking just that big more. He didn’t even know your name? It took everything in Lando not to swing. “Her name’s Y/N.”

He completely ignored Lando’s words. Despite the fact he had basically only just arrived at the party, he seemed pretty hammered and eager to leave already. “What are you doing down here? Party’s great.” His voice was loud, practically echoing through the streets.

“Just needed some air.”

His smile was tight-lipped, fake. All he wanted was for him to go away. Obviously he was too drunk to know when he wasn’t wanted.

There was an awkward pause. Well, awkward for you and Lando at least, he probably didn’t even notice. Jake didn’t notice a lot of things.

“We’re heading off, anyway. Enjoy the party guys.” With that the pair wandered down the empty street, leaving you and Lando free to resume your heated discussion. You didn’t feel like arguing anymore.

A sob escaped your throat before you were able to choke it down. The tears that had been ever so close to falling earlier were back in full force. There was certainly no stopping them now. It felt like your heart had just been stomped on.

There was no way Lando was going to let you suffer on your own. “Come here.”

As soon as you were in his arms you felt better. Whether it was the warmth of another person, his scent or just the fact he made you feel grounded. Everything felt a little less loud with him here.

He leaned his head against yours, one of his hands on the back of your head, stroking your hair. It was soothing. You had no idea how long you stayed like that before the tears stopped. You would stay there forever if you could.

When your sobs turned to sniffles and your breaths grew more even, he began to speak. “You deserve someone who loves you.” He took a deep breath and his hand stuttered on your head. It was now or never. “Someone like me.”

He expected to feel you tense, to have you pull away. Some sign of rejection that would break his heart. None of that happened. You simply tilted your head upwards, so you could look him in the eye. You didn’t look repulsed or afraid, that was a good sign at least.

Your cheeks still shined in the light with leftover tears and he risked wiping them away. The way his thumb trailed over your skin was tender, like he was trying to memorise you. Your heart throbbed.

“You love me?”

There was no hesitation in his response. Lando was a man who knew what he wanted. When he had his heart and his mind set on something, he didn’t stop or waver until he got it. “I’m in love with you. I have been for years.”

It should have come as some surprise to you, maybe shocked you ever so slightly, but for some reason it didn’t. He was always there, right by your side when you needed him, in both your happiest and saddest memories. When you thought about your life in years to come, he was always there. He made sense. You weren’t you without Lando. Subconsciously you had probably been in love with him for years too, it had just taken it being pointed out for you to realise.

The eye contact between you didn’t waver even for a second. If it were anyone else looking at you with such an intensity, you might shy away. The way he looked at you made you feel brave.

You didn’t say anything, just fluttered your eyes shut and closed the gap between your lips.

He acted like he knew it was coming. Maybe it was just the reaction time of a Formula One driver, but he barely wasted half a second before he kissed you back. There was an intensity in the kiss that you didn’t think you had ever experienced before. It felt like any second now fireworks would begin exploding over your heads. You cursed yourself for not having done this earlier.

He was the first to pull away. You chased his lips with your own and he cracked a smile. He granted you one more chaste kiss which definitely didn’t quench your desire.

“Are you pitying me or did you really want to kiss me?” That was insecurity shining through.

Lando had poured his heart out to you, he was terrified of being a rebound or a second choice. He refused to be second best to Jake. It would be tough to walk away from you if you admitted what he feared, but he would do it to protect his own feelings. The last thing he needed in his chaotic life was a relationship that was one sided. If you weren’t all in he was going to have to walk away.

“I really wanted to kiss you.” A weight was lifted off of his shoulders. “I think I didn’t realise how I felt about you was love. With Jake I wanted his attention, I wanted him to look at me and tell me I was pretty. I tried everything to get him to like me. With you, I don’t have to do that because you’re already looking. I don’t have to be someone I’m not. I can be myself, comfortable. I never worry that you’re going to judge me because you’re probably right there being weird with me.” He laughed as you laughed. “Lando, you, you’re my peace.”

He looked like he was about to shed a tear. “Do you mean that?”

You smiled. He had never really understood the term weak in the knees until he saw that smile aimed at him.

“I mean that. I love you, and I’m sorry it took me so long to figure that out.”

His thumb hovered over your lips, tracing their shape with a look in his eye that was so fond you could have melted. “I would have waited forever for you,” he admitted. Those words basically turned you into a giant pile of mush.

Your smile quickly turned into a grin. “God, you’re cheesy.” You weren’t you and Lando if there wasn’t some playful teasing sprinkled in somewhere, even in the middle of a dramatic love confession.

Lando scoffed. “I’m trying to be romantic here. Do you mind?”

Neither of you could be serious for that long.

“Just shut up and kiss me again, lover boy.”

The kiss he placed on you was done with such a ferocity you were surprised you didn’t get scolded for public indecency. Clearly he had been holding back. You were more than happy to make up for lost time though, just maybe not in the middle of the streets of London.

When you finally returned to the party your lips were swollen and joy was radiating from every part of you. Max’s eyes found his best friends as the two of you re-entered the party with your hands intertwined. He raised his eyebrow and Lando sent him a wink. The elder was rather proud of him for finally making a move. It had only taken years.

You found yourselves tangled together on the dancefloor, arms around one another and heads touching. You swayed to the music. It felt like you were in your own little bubble. Just you and him, as it always was meant to be.

He brushed his nose against your cheek, pressing a soft kiss to your jaw. “For the record,” he whispered, lips curling into a smile at the fact he got to tell you these things freely now. “I will always notice you.”

Your heart soared. Yeah, he was the one.

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#lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando x reader #lando x you #lando imagine #lando norris x you #mclaren #formula 1 x reader #formula one #lando norris fluff

911 notes · View notes

moonchild1 · 5 months ago

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jeon jungkook fic rec list (Ⅺ)

hi everyone i am back and boy has there been some amazing fics posted while i was away it's awaken that spark in me again and this list is honestly packed, i went over like 60 fics for this one and i even added some of my ult. faves. the ones i have to mention again because they are just so amazing, trust me you will be going back for more over and over again too. you might notice some fics from ao3 and wattpad included as well they are hold a special place in my heart, they are masterpieces that need to be shared with you guys so please enjoy this new list and give all the authors mentioned all the love and respect they deserve seriously they work so hard on creating these beautiful fics and they deserve all the attention and gratitude we can offer them so please share your love through a like, comment and reblog them so they can feel the love and more people can find their masterlists and accounts because they have some really good fics there as well.

I just wanna send an honourable mention to every single writer i have added to this list without you i would not have so much happiness when i come on this app and you have filled my heart and countless others with so much joy and happiness we appreciate you more than you will ever know and you make being here 10 times better your stories help us through alot and puts smiles on our faces and we get to spend time with a community of people who love what we love and we get to interact because of your ideas and it creates such an amazing experience so thank you for everything that you do the worlds you create and the ideas you come up and for sharing it all with us i adore you so much and you are just the best so once again thank you for everything and i look forward to what so many of you have planned - kiki ♡

NO MINORS ALLOWED PLEASE DON'T INTERACT!

happy reading everyone i hope you enjoy this extra long list of my faves and please remember to be happy and keep on smiling and interact if you want i love hearing from you guys and if you want you can send me a few of your faves 🥹🖤✨

f - fluff s-smut a - angst

series

yuanfen by @azurefangirl AzureFangirll s a unrequited love slow burn brother's best friend arranged marriage dadjk widower jk (315k) ao3

⋆ Yuanfen (yuánfèn), "fateful coincidence," is a concept in Chinese and Vietnamese societies describing good and bad chances and potential relationships. Koi No Yokan (Japanese): the feeling upon first meeting someone that you will inevitably fall in love with them. You did not know what was stupider, falling head over heels for your older brother's best friend the day you saw him, or agreeing to marry him after his wife died. Either way, you're now stuck with Jungkook whom you've loved since before you hit puberty, who can't stand the sight of you. Will he ever feel the same way, or does he just see you as the replacement mother for his infant?

lines of fate by @kookiestarlight s a exes au zombie apocalypses tattooist jk

⋆ the last thing Jungkook ever imagined was an outbreak that turned the dead into the living. But even more unexpected is seeing you—an ex he’s known nothing about in the past four years—with a small child who bears a striking resemblance to himself. As Jungkook grapples with the shock and the city spirals into chaos, the two of you are thrust back together, forced to confront unresolved feelings, long-buried truths, and the horrors of the deadly virus taking over.

lost stars by @hueseok f a roommates e2l slow burn college au (33.2k)

⋆ the last person you’d expect to be there for you is your roommate, jeongguk, on the night you break up with your cheating boyfriend; because as far as you’re concerned, the both of you aren’t exactly friends, and he definitely shouldn’t be running to get you upon hearing you sob via phone call.so when he does, you begin thinking that maybe you’ve just been hard on him over the years, or perhaps he just liked pretending to be an annoying shit most of the time. either way, it becomes the beginning of an unexpected friendship finally blossoming.

a lovers kiss by @/hueseok f s a fwb i2l college au (55.6k)

⋆ a friends with benefits relationship never ends on a good note. unless, both parties are not dumb fucks who find themselves falling for each other along the way of their agreement, of course. and in yours and jeongguk’s case, you should have known better than to think the two of you would be an exception to the so-called curse of being friends with benefits with someone you already hold dear to you, since not even five months since it was agreed upon—the line between being only friends and being a little like lovers only continue to get hazier and hazier.

hell is empty by @aquagustd f s a ft.kth love triangle dadJK exJK CEO kth (164.4k)

⋆ life has a tendency to throw things your way when you least expect it, when you’re content, and the ominous presence knows exactly how to steer your existence back into the darkness.

to the stars by arckook (ao3) a zombie apocalypse (94.6k)

⋆ It was always you, and Jimin, and your best friend Jihyun. But fate, regardless of whether you believed in it or not, had other plans for you. Jimin told you once, "It's a tough road to the stars." Nowadays it was hard to believe the stars were somewhere you could reach.

moirai by norabean (ao3) f s a soulmates slow burn (95.2k)

⋆ On your 18th birthday a name appears on your wrist. The name of your soulmate. It’s a momentous day that everyone looks forward to, but you’ve always brushed aside; refusing to believe in a fickle mistress called destiny. But what happens when on the morning of your 18th birthday you wake to find the name of your mortal enemy? Jeon Jungkook.

from home by @yuzukult f s a e2l richkid jk fakedating au (89.5k)

⋆ a rich kid who gets cut off from family money meets an average post-grad girl who may be the key to getting him back on his parents’ good side.

and they were roommates by @hoseok666 f s a ft. kth e2l love triangle tsundere jk s2l (103.k+)

⋆ it all started with a rejection from your longtime crush, jeon jungkook. you decided to confess to him on your last day of high school. after a harsh rejection and a rough summer dealing with the heartbreak, you were starting anew once your freshman year of college came. you were going to be sharing an apartment with two other roommates that you don’t even know. what a surprise you’re going to be in for once you find out it’s the one and only: jeon jungkook and kim taehyung.

future hearts by @jungblue f s a ft. pjm punk jikook s2l band au f2l lost love (114.6k)

⋆ It was everything, from his tattoos, to his touches, to the way sweat rolled down his neck as he strummed into his guitar on stage; everything about him completely enthralled you. So why are you now, two and a half years later, on a train to Seoul, telling a complete stranger the recollection of how you became fated to forever have scars on all of your future hearts due to the happiness, but most of all the pain, that came along with falling in love with Jeon Jungkook.

mind games by @yerion f a tsundere jk roommates au (31.8k)

⋆ jungkook drives you to think strict criticism isn’t too bad, purely because you didn’t expect things to turn a bit steamier than intended. as the one and only female esports player, misery was at your fingertip when your skills suddenly deteriorated. however, the stoic leader of your team—jungkook, simply couldn’t sit back. he puts you back on track, yet no one told you sparks would fly; and the crazy fact that it’s inevitable

heartbeat by @xbaepsae s a ft myg unrequited love (24.9k)

⋆ “You fell in love with a boy who was in love with music, and you weren’t sure if he was capable of loving you the same way. This thought should’ve caused you to move away from him; but, if anything, it just drew you closer.“

one year, my love by @hayjeon f s a historical/royal au 100 days my prince kdrama (31k)

⋆ You forge a marriage contract with the strangely speaking man who suddenly stumbled into your town with memory loss, but little do you know that he’s actually the lost Crown Prince, and a lot can happen between a married man and woman in one year.

the love prognosis by @awrkive f s a medical au roommates f2l (90.7k)

⋆ for as long as you can remember, you've always been a hopeless romantic. the girl who’s always dreamt of cheesy encounters with her soulmate, grand love declarations, and a cute little beach wedding to boot. but reality pretty much slaps you hard right on the face, because love, unfortunately, doesn’t come grand — it’s simple and it’s quiet, but it is quite painful, especially when the love that you’ve been seeking for all your adult life has just been right under your nose all this time.

ever a never after by @yoonia s ft. ksj enchanted au (51.8+k)

⋆ Some say fate can be a cruel thing. Yet you never knew how true it was until fate played a hand in your bad luck. Merely moments before your happily ever after, you are suddenly sent out to a weird place. A different world. You wonder if this is a test from fate to see if you are truly deserving of your happy ending, or if perhaps fate wants to show you something else. Something that fate wishes you to learn before you can finally move on to take the next step towards your happiness.

between takes by @jeonstudios f s a fluffer au porn star au (74.6k)

⋆ as a fluffer for a popular porn star, your focus is to keep him hard and performing on set. turns out he's not the only thing that's hard

Shatter With Me by @colormepurplex2 f s a surrogate au best friends husband (46.4k)

⋆ Your best friend, Jiyoon, and her husband, Jungkook, have faced years of hardship trying to start a family. In a last-ditch effort to have their dream life, they seek solace in surrogacy. Wanting to see your best friend smile, you offer to become the bright beacon at the end of the tunnel, giving them what they have always wanted. But what happens when you begin to shine your light on their darkness? Things aren’t always as they seem—happiness can be a façade, shattering under the lightest pressure.

Chasing Cars by @oddinary4bts f s a college au brother best friend forbidden love (218.5k)

⋆ when your brother goes to study on a semester abroad, your life collides with his best friend Jeon Jungkook, who's coincidentally your roommate. Will you survive the collision, or will you crumble into dust?

hold me close by @ahundredtimesover f s a brother best friend (41.8k)

⋆ When you're asked to look after your parents' house and meet them before they go on vacation, you, Jimin, and Jungkook take the trip to your hometown of Busan and relive memories of your youth. While your new relationship has you feeling like a lovesick teenager with all the affection that Jungkook shows you, you're still you - a professional trying to make it in the corporate world, and an eldest child trying not to disappoint her parents. And that turns out to be your undoing, as a little blunder causes a rift between you and Jungkook, resulting in a trip that you might as well have messed up… Not if your brother can help it, though

sugar high by @yeojaa f a idol au childhood best friends unrequited love (33.3k)

⋆ You thought you’d known real love and maybe you had - it just wasn’t with who you thought.

the law of attraction by @jexnkookie f s a lawyer jk girl of his dreams (26.9k)

⋆ Throughout his life, Jung Kook has only ever loved one girl. Despite her being out of his league and of an elite class that he wasn't born into, he fell hard, keeping his feelings a closely guarded secret. When they parted ways, and Jung Kook pursued his law career, he did so with the intent of moving on. But when she unexpectedly arrives back into his life, Jung Kook finds himself once again face to face with his own insecurities, and the girl of his dreams.

love bug by @here4kpopfics f s a established relationship (30.4k)

⋆ A collection of stories and drabbles with my comfort couple Jungkook and Love Bug as I affectionally call her. They were my first couple to write in over a decade and I hold them very close to my heart.

sh by @wwilloww f s a ot7 f2l (118k)

⋆ Six months of quarantine have kept you apart. Somehow the distance sparks something new in each of you: questions, unfinished conversations, threads once chased now left cold. So when your roommate invites you to come with him to a mysterious house in the mountains with your friends, how could you even think of saying no?

bloodlines entwined by @spideyjimin f s a s2l soulmates werewolf au royalty au (30.8+)

⋆ having a baby alone was supposed to be easy. but an accidental twist of fate pulled you into a hidden world of werewolves, and ancient bloodlines. navigating your already complicated life becomes even harder as you uncover your past; one tied to a legacy you never knew existed. and in the middle of this chaos stands jungkook, the werewolf king… and the father of your child.

jump then fall (into you) by @writtenwhalien f s a bf2l fake dating (52k)

⋆ bringing Jungkook along as your date to your ex’s lavish cruise wedding seemed like a perfect idea at first — all of your family and close friends together, nothing can go wrong… then Jungkook’s ex shows up and all of a sudden you’re in a years long relationship with him. You don’t mind though, really, how hard can sharing a cabin and pretending to be deeply in love with your best friend really be?

not in that way by @girlygguk f s a ft. myg unrequited love bf2l (30k)

⋆ in which you're hopelessly in love with your best friend, min yoongi. meanwhile, your other best friend, jeon jungkook, is hopelessly in love with you.

live through this by @starshapedkookie f s a band au exes to frenemies to lovers (46.5k)

⋆ A record deal. The one thing Violet needed to become the next big rockstars. As the front-woman to the band, life couldn’t have been any easier for you. That is until a devastating life event changes everything for you, leaving you heartbroken and in a downward spiral you can’t get out of. With your biggest competitor, Whailen 52 on your heels, your bandmates worried about the future, and your ex Jeon Jungkook being your only solace; you weren’t sure if you were going to live through this to see your dreams come to fruition.

a story that we paint by @thedefinitionofbts f a ft.kth college au scifi au (25k)

⋆ in which the lines between virtual and reality are blurred.

crimson park by heartbeatan f s a e2l crime au(159.6k)

angel in the darkness by @icyhobi s a mafia au prostitution au

⋆ after a patient urgently pleads you to go and help a friend of his, you naively agree to it. little did you know, that you would get more than what you agreed to, when he leads you to a brothel, to help a dangerous prostitute named jeon jungkook.

one night stand by @buryhny f s a ceo au e2l (382k)

⋆ as if the unexpected twist of a one-night stand turning out to be your CEO boss wasn't surreal enough, the situation takes a more challenging turn when both of you discover that you're expecting his child.

the alpha omega series by @borathae f s a childhood best friends to enemies to lovers werewolf au (40.8k)

⋆ Jungkook is the son of the pack Alpha and therefore heir of the titel. You are an omega and utterly out of his league. This is the story of how, against all odds, you and he became true mates.

4-7-8 by @jiminrings a marriage au (73k+)

⋆ you’re secure when it comes to loving jungkook, knowing that your husband loves you beyond words. what you aren’t so secure about is his first love — someone who isn’t you. alternatively, jungkook’s married to you, but he still celebrates his anniversary with his ex out of sentimentality.

netflix & chill by @1kook f s blindate collge au (113.7+)

⋆ If you planned things right, you could rain down your raging displeasure on Jeon Jungkook right after the meal but before this proposed ‘Netflix and chilling,’ maybe dramatically throw your glass of wine at him, before storming out of his place and reporting him to the authorities (Namjoon) for his douchebag personality.

the bad blind date by ravsisrekt f s a idol au f2l (wattpad)

⋆ Being set up on a date is hard as it is. But being set up on a date where the boy you're with loves your best friend is even harder-and trust me, being bubbly, cute, and incredibly hilarious doesn't work on him either…but on the other members it certainly does.

sns by narcotichobi f s a idol au s2l (wattpad)

⋆ Jae is a twenty-one year old Korean-American university student whose life is just ordinary. Struggling through the confines of cultural differences between her lifestyle and ethnicity, Jae finds herself through social media outlets and the integration of k-pop into her American life. Jungkook is a twenty year old singer, dancer and producer of the Korean-Pop idol group, BTS (방탄소년단). He works over twelve hours a day and has almost every second of his life circulating around social media. Jungkook, with newly found dating privileges, is slow to trust another person with his personal life and thoughts. Follow Jae and Jungkook through a love-story heavily motivated by social media and press

40 weeks by magicalmochii f s a teeange pregnancy f2l (wattpad)

⋆ They didn't want to be virgins when they graduated. Two friends agree to let go of their innocence together, no strings attached. Life had other plans.

unconditionally by magicalmochii f s a parents au (wattpad) sequel to 40 weeks

⋆ They survived high school and overcame the obstacles that tried to break them apart. Together they adapt to college life and work, all while caring for their new baby. Now, two friends turned lovers prepare for their wedding. Life had other plans. The continuation of 40 Weeks. Bring tissues.

blood ink by pocketbangtan f s a gang au tattoo artist jk (wattpad)

⋆ "That's my tattoo, Y/N, on your body. You know exactly what that means."

one shot

wait for your love by @/spideyjimin f s a exes2lovers parents (17.3k)

⋆ sixteen years ago, your life was turned upside down when you surrendered to the temptation — none other than jungkook, the star basketball player on your school’s team. today, after all that time, you reunite under tragic circumstances; a car crash where he saves your life.

Inkling by @gguksgalaxy s a f2l tattoo artist jk (17.7k)

⋆Jungkook is your brother’s boyfriend’s co-worker, they own a tattoo and piercing parlour. In other words, he’s tall, gorgeous, has his passion literally etched into his skin, looks incredibly good in a man-bun, and is semi-unattainable for you. Why? Well…you’re not entirely sure but him ditching right after a very heated make-out session sure isn’t a good sign. His extremely poor mood the next week sure isn’t either, but the only way to fix it is to face the beast head-on. Right?

in this paradise by @ressjeon f s a s2l survivor au (16.3k)

⋆ in an attempt to escape what’s been planned for him, Jungkook hopped on a ship only to face a tragedy that he didn’t expect and then there’s you who somehow couldn’t believe to find company in this isolated land. was this fate or was this just a temporary chance of bliss as a challenge for you both?

sleepover by @personasintro f s best friends brother (10.4k)

⋆ Jungkook is your best friend’s little brother who invites you to have a sleepover at his place. Nothing can happen, right?

bottle up old love by @wintaerbaer f s a exes to lovers (4.6k)

⋆ Jungkook may have broken up with you a year ago, but that's not going to stop him from coming to your rescue when he sees you being cornered by a creep.

the devil’s change up by @/jungblue f s a coach au (41.3k)

⋆ Majoring in athletic training means you have mandatory observation hours to perform with every single sports team at your school throughout the year, and so far it’s been going pretty great. However, when regrets from your past cause your rotation with the baseball team to become a little rocky, there’s one star pitcher who says that he can make it all better.

entertainer by @taegularities f s a s2l (32.4k)

⋆ Growing singer Jeon Jungkook is as charismatic as he is self-absored – that is, until he meets you. Caught in a web of secrets, he finds a riddle in you he urges to solve; even ready to turn the spotlight towards you until nothing remains… but regret.

habits of a clandestine nature by @alphabetboyluvr s a college au rich jk e2l (16k)

explorer by @/1kook f s alien au s2f2l (17.8k)

⋆ Jungkook does not want to impress the frankly tyrannical ways of his planet on you. He just wants to stay here and keep your couch warm for you, hold your hair back when you wash your face in the morning.

million dollar darling by @kooktrash f s a e2f2l crazy rixh asians inspired (19.7k)

⋆ jeon jungkook is well aware of how privileged he is to have been born into the life he was given. it was glamorous and influential yet close-knit and suffocating, something he thought he wanted to escape from. a trip back home to the circle of wealth and snottiness for his best friend’s million dollar wedding has reminded him of all the reasons why he wanted to leave in the first place… and all the reasons he should stay — the main one being you, the spoiled rich girl he knew was utterly perfect for him.

little surfer girl by @ppersonna f s a summer love suferjk (9.8k)

⋆ every summer you watched jeon jungkook turn into a perfect, professional surfer. every summer, you wanted him more. this summer, you were determined to make him yours.

the whole of your heart by @lcksndkys f s a husband au band au (8k)

⋆ Save a drum, bang a drummer.

sketch by @moonscriptsx f s soulmate au artist jk (9.6k)

⋆ After sixteen years of dreaming about the same unknown beautiful girl, Jungkook finally gets to put a name to the face — and she's so much more than what he's dreamt of

strings attached (to my heart) by @jungkoode f s spiderkook college au (11.8k)

⋆ You were a journalist at Yonsei University when you started noticing the strange coincidences between your favorite bumbling freshman and Seoul's newest superhero. The way Spider-Man's voice cracks on 'noona' exactly like Jungkook's does. The way they both bring you the same snacks, have the same nervous energy, the same tendency to ramble when flustered. You tell yourself it's just a coincidence, because the alternative means admitting something you're absolutely not ready to deal with.

it was always you by @/hueseok f s a childhood best friends to lovers (13.2k)

⋆ for as long as you remember, you’ve always had the fattest crush on your childhood friend, jeon jungkook. it never blossomed into something more though, because that’s what happens when life naturally takes it course—you grow up, you move on, and you pretend that those feelings never existed in order to maintain the good friendship that remained between the two of you over the years.so when he visits you after work one day, asking you to marry him, you do everything you can to refuse, because the reason he’s asking you isn’t due to the fact that he finally realized that he loved you after all this time, but because he thinks he’s doing you a big favor.or at least, that’s what you think.

mio angelo by @/hueseok f s a mafia au established relationship (33.3k)

⋆ it’s no secret to the whole nation how powerful the jeon family was. the efforts of the highly respected don jungsoo was the reason why the name of their clan continues to be a name that people thought greatly of and sometimes even feared. despite your father working alongside with the don, you never truly understood what the family possessed to earn them such acclaim; that is until you got closer to one of his grandsons, jeon jeongguk, that you caught a glimpse of how much power they truly seized as you see it first hand and become a part of it yourself. inspired by the godfather and vincenzo

ultimatum by @parkmuse f s spiderkook (10.3k)

⋆ Your pervy, idiotic boyfriend just so happens to also be your friendly neighborhood Spider-man (in bed).

melomaniac by @jungkxook f s a band au f2l (13k)

⋆ you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jungkook and yet you shouldn’t be because he’s supposed to be your best friend and nothing more. worst part of it all is that you know he’s in love with you too.

Navigating Tides by @jjungkookislife f s a exes2lovers (18.9k)

⋆ A cruise is the last place you expect to see your ex-boyfriend, Jeon Jungkook. You broke up six months ago, and your best friends Jimin and Yoongi assured you your ex wouldn't even remember this cruise that you booked a year in advance. However, on your first night on board, you discover your ex isn't only on the cruise ship, but there are no rooms available for him to stay in other than yours.

will it fit? by @jeonsweetpea f s idiots2lovers roommate au (6.7K)

⋆ So what if your roommate caught you masturbating? At least he forgot about it the next day. But he can’t exactly forget the big dildo you left in your shared bathroom…

pull me down by @starryeyedkoo f a badboy gang college au (22.9k)

⋆ “Do you regret it?” “What?” “Falling in love with me? It feels like I only weigh you down.” “I’ll let you pull me down to the depths of hell if that’s what it means to love you.”

espresso by @joonberriess f s a boxer jk idol oc (14.6k)

⋆ a rowdy boxer and the pretty it-girl he bagged by being him. jungkook’s doing anything to prove he’s serious, even if it means making a fool outta himself.

changes in between by @/taegularities f s a roommates s2f2l (24.7k)

⋆ Becoming the roommate of Jeon Jungkook is the biggest change you’ve ever gotten thrown into - but little do you know that the addition of another man will bring even further turbulence into your (love) life.

not my fault by @/taegularities f s college au classmates 2 lovers (12.6k)

⋆ After sparking a sinful conversation on a dating app, you vow to yourself that you won’t give in to more the notorious college fuckboy Jeon Jungkook might have to offer. That is, until he rings your doorbell just one night later – and it’s truly not your fault that he’s so damn hard to resist.

the secret beneath our stars by @subvk s a college au f2l (13.1k)

⋆ Falling in love with Jeon Jungkook was everything you’ve ever dreamed of and more, but maybe it was exactly that: a dream so blissful and comforting that it was too good to be true, something that could all disappear when the night changes to day, and your eyes open again. Or, making a marriage pact with your best friend was supposed to instill a sense of hope for you, so why does this hurt you more than it should?

mature by @/jiminrings f a pining f2l (8k)

⋆ alternatively, crushing on jungkook who's in your friend group is, has, and will never be a good idea.

movie goers by @mi55delulu f s a e2f2l (16.4k)

⋆ starting off on the wrong foot with your new neighbor was not on the top of your bucket list, yet you’ve made an enemy of jeon jungkook in less than 24 hours. unlucky for you, he’s not backing down either.

hopless hearts by @cupofteaguk f idol au s2l (17k)

⋆ you never understood the gravity of your position as an intern working Kcon until you fall for one of your favorite idols, Jeon Jungkook—quite literally too.

dissonance by @/yuzukult f s a rockstar jk student oc (19.4k)

⋆ something that first seems out of reach becomes a reality for him. screaming adoring fans, billboards with him and his band plastered on it, and touring across the globe with venues sold out. he has everything… but all he’s missing is you.

this is how we break by @ahundredtimesover f s a exes au (20.6k)

⋆ There are things you prepared for coming back home and that includes seeing your ex-boyfriend, but helping him design his apartment isn’t one of them. From meetings over coffee and lunches with your friends, you both learn more about the time in-between, and what you find out leave you heartbroken, wondering if there’s enough of you left to try to get back what you’d lost.

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