#did i have to remove a lot of the quotes i wanted in here bc i couldn't find most of the sources? yes

[schizowitchic]

also like i partially found out i might be intersex because i was looking at trans stuff and there was like "(however many) months on t and finally seeing some bottom growth" and like pictures of t-dicks and i was like.... um.... that's kind of just what my clit looks like anyways. so i was like "hey google give me a quick rundown on this" and learned what clitoromegaly was and then i was like. hm. intersex resources. and it's like a sign? symptom? side-effect? of certain intersex conditions

[byanyan]

laira schmitt, with love, always. / emily berry, the numbers game / p.d / unknown / cowboyvamp

[ruegarding]

Wait what's the tea on Wotg makin' Percabeth even worse? /gen /nf

tldr; rick is continuing his trend of having annabeth imply that she thinks her bf is stupid (u can see what i mean by trend here). this is coupled w a lot of ableism: acting like percy is too stupid to function and removing annabeth's disabilities so she can be a girl boss while refusing to address their mental health. this is supposed to make percabeth look cute, somehow, but instead comes off as mean-spirited at best.

first, to establish context, percy's incredibly overworked,

(he's also on the swim team) and bc of this percy is falling asleep in class and waking up in a panic. this is never addressed seriously despite being a series abt disability. as if that wasn't enough, percy also is never shown to enjoy any of his classes and is frequently written to be stuggling w his grades, just in case u forgot he was stupid (he also is written w the ableist stereotype of being lazy abt school work, too, instead of, you know, disabled). his main motivation is that annabeth will be successful with or without him so he better not be a stupid failure.

completely ignoring percy was the one who wanted to go to nru. also, zero mentions for the accommodation percy is receiving for his disabilities (nor annabeth's, but she's written like they don't exist so).

and then percy says that annabeth's friend, hana, doesn't like him bc she doesn't think he's good enough for annabeth, going on to think yeah that's fair. this is never addressed bc it's supposed to be a cute percabeth and #girl boss annabeth moment. then percy makes a joke (?) that annabeth's friends are gossiping abt how annabeth can stand to date him when he's too stupid to understand architecture when percabeth walks away to talk. this is not a percabeth win and i'm genuinely not sure how anyone on rick's team thought it was.

then there's this:

just in case u forgot, percy is the stupid one and annabeth is the smart one. teehee.

and, in relation to ignoring their mental health, annabeth talks abt putting spider webs all over hecate's mansion (bc she wants to make a haunted house), which rick says is ok bc it's not spiders. except part of annabeth's huge traumatic fight w arachne was being covered in spiderwebs that literally pulled her into tartarus. so. weird plotline. similarly, percy has a bit abt having nightmares abt cereberus, which is equally stupid. i talked abt it here. not necessarily percabeth but worth mentioning for context. oh, and percy also bodily-fluid-bends later in the book w no comment except annabeth's shocked expression. correction: while percy does bodily-fluid-bend w no fanfare, annabeth is not there. percy poison-bends in front of annabeth w no comment.

rick then keeps poking fun at how percy and annabeth would make great parents. which. they're seventeen. btw. but yeah anyway percy would make a great dad bc he's got the funny dad jokes (bc he's stupid. haha get it). annabeth would make a great mom bc she's soooooo nurturing what w taking care of a puppy who decides to call her mom and taking care of her stupid idiot useless boyfriend. i wish this was a joke. more on this later.

the line "[annabeth] looked surprised—me comforting her, kind of switching things up" is self explanatory and written specifically to piss me off.

this passage,

which sucks for many reasons, but especially bc this is rick trying to rewrite book canon w show canon despite very easy ways to include this without acting like percy is an idiot who just didn't notice for the past THREE BOOK SERIES (like a war that took place recently where chiron was injured idk just an idea). instead, percy has to take the fall for rick's error and annabeth has to act like her bf is the stupidest person on earth.

btw, did i mention that annabeth is ahead in her classes and percy sucks at school? teehee.

wow, it's like annabeth's dyslexia isn't even there!

now, it may seem that i'm exaggerating percy's incompetence.

this is a real quote from the book.

so is this!

and this.

and—u get the point. rick is acting like percy hasn't outsmarted his opponents bc his personality is stupid and annabeth's personality is reduced down to having the brain cell.

then, percy has a moment where his empathy shines thru and he's allowed to succeed at something (for the first time in the book), except he has to put himself down to make annabeth feel better. bc we can't have percy feeling good abt himself since it makes annabeth look bad. or something. idk.

again, there is no exploration of percy's self-esteem or their myriad of trauma.

to make up for all the times percy was treated like an idiot, annabeth says percy is "a pretty smart guy,"

which is a surprise to her despite them having known each other for five years.

furthermore, rick is writing percy w a sort of incompetence towards household tasks that is, quite frankly, sexist. here is a good post on how it mirrors weaponized incompetence and here is another one abt the disturbing nature of mom-ifying annabeth. i should make it clear annabeth provides percy food in multiple scenes while percy does adjacent to nothing. she also tucks him into bed like a child in one scene and gets nicknamed "mom" by a dog that pees on her (AND she cleans up the pee while percy does nothing).

so, wottg is essentially 300 pages of mean-spirited bullying from all sides. none of the humor shines through these jokes, none of the facetiousness, like hey isn't it funny that percy is really smart but sometimes completely oblivious, is there. there is no comedic disparity between percy's power and skill and his ability to trip over his feet bc there are no impressive feats of power and skill (anything that would count are immediately brushed off). comments abt percy learning to tie his own shoes w his newfound octopus tentacles don't land in a book where he's acting like he cannot have thoughts without annabeth. and there's no grace to be given bc at no point in any of this handled as a serious exploration of percy's insecurities despite the ample opportunity to do so.

then, when percy isn't being hounded w vitriol, annabeth is being reduced to a sexist caricature of a woman. it does not make percabeth look good in any way.

finally, i need to make it clear that however bad this breakdown makes the books seem, it is worse. i summarized and skipped over a ton of stuff for my own sanity.

[lumi-nescentt]

What A Blessing To Feel Your Love

Pairing: Pierre Gasly x Reader

Warnings: a few sex jokes here and there bc they like to tease each other

Words: 6k

Summary: You and Pierre have been dating for a few years and he always loved spoiling you so when Max tells him about his stay in st barts, Pierre decide that he has to take you there.

A/N: I did ended up quoting the song Red Desert by 5sos... couldn't help myself :)

Being Pierre's girlfriend was already a great life experience during the season, the man loved to have you with him as much as he could whether it was in the paddock, in his Milan apartment or in whatever place he had to be for work or pleasure.

Since you had to work with his schedule, yours was a little less busier, it was simpler that way. Pierre insisted on paying for everything when you travelled to meet him. You had tried arguing with him but whenever it happened, Pierre just shut you up with a kiss and told you that whatever he was paying for was worth it if he got to see you a little more often.

It was hard to argue with that logic, especially when he smiled so fondly whenever you agreed to come with him. Despite having this kind of intimidating aura, Pierre was the kindest and most thoughtful boyfriend you ever had. Being with him felt like coming home in a way and that was the most comforting feeling.

When the summer break came, you usually tagged along to wherever his friends had planned to go that year. It usually circled back to the same three locations: Greece, Italy and the South of France. All three destinations were great: beautiful landscapes, clear waters and warm sun. It was the perfect destination to get a good tan for both Pierre and you.

The Frenchman knew how much you loved your summer trips so when he had heard Max talk about this beautiful island he had gone to for New Year's, he had immediately booked a trip for the both of you during that same time.

Keeping it a surprise had been the trickiest part. He wanted to surprise you but he needed to be sure that you were free during that time. In the end he settled for just telling you that he was taking you somewhere right after Christmas until after New Year's. You had tried to get more information out of him but the little fucker had kept his mouth shut, no matter what sneaky tactics you had tried to use. 

That’s why you were currently sitting in a private jet, still clueless about your destination. Pierre had only told you to let your best friend pack your suitcase because it was the only way to keep the secret for this long. The only thing you knew was that the flight was going to last around 9 hours so you were prepared to be a little bored. 

Pierre hated flying, he had told you countless times, when it was just the two of you laying down in bed at night. How, even with how much he did it, he couldn’t shake how terrified he was to crash. A 9 hours flight meant that you were most likely crossing the Atlantic ocean and that took a lot out of your boyfriend so, even though there were a lot of seats you could have taken, you sat on the one right next to him, holding his hand and letting him rest his head on your shoulder.

You knew Pierre had relaxed a little when his breath evened and the death-grip on your hand loosened slightly. A wave of relief washed over you as you saw his peaceful face, brushing a strand of hair away from his face before resting your head on top of his, finally allowing yourself to rest now that Pierre was fast asleep. 

You woke up a few hours later to Pierre trying to remove his head from under yours without waking you up. Noticing he had failed, the Frenchman offered you an apologetic smile that you brushed off with a soft press of your lips on his cheek. Since you were now both awake and still had time to kill, Pierre got his laptop out so you could watch the latest show you had been watching together. 

The both of you got so lost in it that you didn’t notice right away as the plane started to go lower. Pierre was the first one to realise, his whole body tensing and gripping the arm rest as discreetly as he could. However, you knew him too well not to see that so you put his hand back in yours and started to trace random shapes on the back of it until the plane finally came to a stop. 

The first thing that hit you when you got out of the plane was the heat. Gone was the December cold and the snow you had experienced in Europe, you felt the heat envelop you and your sweatshirt was gone the second you put one foot outside.

The second thing that hit you was that you weren’t heading towards the terminal and instead you were being led to an even smaller private plane. You looked at Pierre with a questioning look on your face but all you got in return was a cramped smile. 

The Frenchman tried to look as chill as he could but Max had told him that the plane ride from St Maarten to St Barts was one of the scariest he had experienced. And that came from Max Verstappen so Pierre took it more than seriously.

Once you were back in the air, you watched in awe the crystal blue water that seemed to stretch forever as Pierre tried his best not to let the fear take over. Luckily for him, the flight barely lasted 15 minutes and soon the both of you watched as the plane’s nose dipped towards the earth at a rapid pace. Pierre watched terrified as the plane manoeuvred between two mountains before dropping down on the runway he could see from the plane’s windshield from where he was sitting. 

As soon as the doors were opened, Pierre was outside with his bags. He ran towards the minuscule airport, giving you a sorry smile as he bent over the edge of the closest bin and finally released what his stomach had tried to hold onto during the short flight. 

After passing the border control surprisingly fast, it only took you 2 minutes from the moment you crossed the first door to the moment you were back outside, Pierre stopping to the bathroom to brush his teeth, the Frenchman looked at you with a brighter smile.

-“ Welcome to St Barts mon coeur”

-"Pierre, this is beautiful. That's the best surprise ever." you exclaimed, wrapping your arms around his neck

-" Wait till you see the place we're staying at, it's even prettier."

You had trouble believing Pierre but the moment your boyfriend stopped in front of the hotel, you knew he might actually be right. The hotel was overlooking a beautiful white sand beach with red sunbeds and a few swings. Pierre went to grab the room key and as he did a quick room tour, you let yourself crash onto the bed, groaning into the pillow.

-“ You should really get up and take a look at the view, you know ?” Pierre chuckled as he sat on the edge of the bed, his hand coming to rest on your lower back

-“ I will in a minute, I promise. I just need to rest my neck for a second.”

-“ Are you feeling alright ?” Pierre asked, sounding a little worried as you shifted on your side to face him

-“ Don’t worry about it, I’m just a little tense because of the flight but I’ll be alright.”

-“ Come here, sit up please.” Pierre said as he patted the space in front of him “ Tell me if I’m putting too much pressure on it, okay ?”

-“ You don’t have to give me a massage Pierre.” you affirmed but as soon as his hands were on your neck, you couldn’t keep the sigh of relief from leaving your mouth

-“ First off, I’m doing this for both of us because I’m not going to be able to enjoy myself if you’re in pain and you should know that. Second, I won’t miss out on having my hands on my beautiful girlfriend.” Pierre smiled cheekily, pressing a kiss on your cheek

-“ Well, when you put it like that.” you said, not able to keep a laugh from escaping your lips

After Pierre’s massage that had inevitably turned into a quick and needed makeout session, you finally got to do your long awaited room tour. The bedroom was facing an enormous window with a sea-view and over your own private little infinity pool. The next room was a walk-in closet made of oak with a glass sliding door that opened on your terrace with a little table and two sunbeds. 

Finally, the bathroom was separated in three parts: the toilet room that was just what it seemed only expensive looking, the double sink part with a marble countertop and a mirror that reached the ceiling and finally, the italian shower that was entirely covered in black stone tiles with a small square window that, of course, showed you a clear view of the beach and the never-ending ocean in front of you. 

You were still looking at the bathroom when Pierre sneaked his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder which made you jump slightly.

-“ So, what do you think ? Is that a good surprise ?” 

-“ It’s perfect, I couldn’t dream of a better place to spend the holidays.” you smiled, caressing his cheek softly

-“ What about the company ?” 

-“ You already know what I think about that, Pierre. You only want to hear it again because it flatters your ego…”

-“ Maybe I just like to make sure my girlfriend is as in love with me as I am with her.” Pierre retorqued, kissing your shoulder 

-“ The company is the best. Thanks for bringing me here, darling.”

-“ It’s my pleasure.” the Frenchman smiled “ Do you want to have a quick nap or do you want to go explore a bit ?” 

-“ I don’t think we came here to sleep so let’s get ready, Gasly.” 

-“ I mean, I wouldn’t mind a little time on the bed but you’re the boss so let’s go.” Pierre winked, unwrapping his arms from your waist

-“ Get your mind out of the gutter and get out so I can shower please.” you laughed, grabbing the nearest towel, fakely hitting your boyfriend who started laughing

-“ You’re no fun, you know that ? If you change your mind, just yell. I’ll come in a sec.” 

-" It won't happen but alright, now go please." you smiled, kissing Pierre tenderly 

Now that you were finally free of your very loving boyfriend who had gone on the balcony to lay in the sun, you finally got ready to go explore the island a little before jetlag caught up with the both of you. 

When Pierre showed you the car he had rented, you couldn’t help the laugh that got out of your mouth. The car was cute but it was a bright orange small open car that looked straight out of a cartoon. It definitely wasn’t something you had expected your boyfriend to drive but with his white linen outfit, he weirdly fit in this beach day paradise picture. 

Pierre seemed to know where he was going, reading the indications on the signs and smoothly manoeuvring the car on the tight roads. The drive wasn’t long and yet it seemed like you had travelled elsewhere. Gone was the busy hotel and the white sandy beach full of tourists, you were now faced with an empty beach covered with rocks and waves crashing on the shore in intervals. 

You were rendered speechless by the view, turning towards Pierre to say something, anything, to tell him that it was the most beautiful place you’d ever been to but there was no word to describe exactly how magical the moment felt. Especially when the sun was slowly getting down and casting a warm orange light on Pierre who was just smiling at you with so much love. The whole scene made you want to do a single thing and you quickly did, pressing your lips against Pierre’s as a way to express the tumult of feelings you were feeling inside. 

The two of you sat on a small stonewall overlooking the beach as you watched the sun descend behind the horizon line, your head on Pierre’s shoulder and his hand on your thigh. Neither of you said anything until the sun was completely hidden and Pierre tugged on your hand, motioning for you to get off the wall. 

You could have stayed there forever with him but if you were being honest, the jetlag was starting to catch up with you and you were getting hungrier by the minute. Pierre was well aware of the last part as your stomach grumbled rather loudly during the car ride back to the hotel, making the both of you laugh. 

Despite wanting to discover the island a little more, you decided to order room service for the night, too tired to go out. Plus, eating in your room wasn’t a bad thing at all, you got to eat while listening to the peaceful sound of the waves crashing and nobody would be telling you anything about decorum if your body was leaning and desperately clinging onto Pierre. 

The Frenchman wasn’t complaining at all about that last part, happy to have you close and even happier when you agreed to go for a quick swim in the pool with him before bed. Well, swim was a big word because you were mostly hugging Pierre the whole time as he tried to move around before giving up and sitting on the stairs to cuddle in the water. 

You could have dozed off right there under the pale moonlight and the warmth of Pierre’s skin but he wouldn’t let you because he knew better. You were tired and not used to the temperature yet so that could make you get sick easier than usual and Pierre didn’t want that at all. Knowing that you’d be too tired to do anything now that you were almost asleep, Pierre just dragged you to the bathroom, washing your face and rinsing the chlorine off your skin before giving you one of his shirts to sleep in. 

Between the softness of your boyfriend’s t-shirt, the weight of his arm around your waist and the AC softly blowing air in the room, you could definitely say this was one of the best nights of sleep you got in a while. Pierre would have honestly said the same if he hadn’t been woken up by the feeling of your finger poking his ribs and tickling his neck. He tried to feign annoyance and act grumpy but the act was dropped the moment you started peppering kisses all over his face until piercing blue eyes were looking at you with an infectious smile. 

Breakfast was eaten in a hurry, Pierre telling you he had planned a whole day of activities and that you needed to be ready soon. His warning would have been nice if he had actually said what you were doing so you knew how to dress but he was adamant on keeping it a surprise, only telling you to wear a swimsuit. When he jokingly complained that you were taking too long to get ready, you reminded him that looking this gorgeous took a little time, teasingly adding that he wouldn’t know about that as you came out of the bathroom. 

When your eyes fell on him, your urge to tease him completely melted. His body was resting against the door frame, lazily playing with a few unruly strands of hair and he couldn’t have looked more attractive to you. It didn’t even look like he was trying hard to look good too with his crisp white linen shirt and those orange swim shorts you had found horrendous at first. Now you couldn’t help but notice how it complimented his already tanned skin and toned body. 

-“ You like what you see, mon coeur ?” he exaggeratedly winked

-“ You don’t look too bad for someone who took 5 minutes to get ready.” 

-“ What can I say… Some of us are just naturally breathtaking.” he laughed as you pouted

-“ Some of us ? Should I feel insulted ?” 

-“ No, never. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. No matter what you’re wearing or not wearing.” Pierre teased, putting his hands on your hips, pulling you against him to kiss you slowly

-“ Alright, as much as I love what we’re doing right now, you said we couldn’t be late to what you had planned so we need to leave now.” you mumbled, lips inches away from his as he grunted, knowing you were right

The drive to the mysterious spot was nice and despite how short it was, Pierre’s hand was on your thigh as you watched in awe the turquoise water that seemed to stretch for hundreds of miles and the trees full of colourful flowers. You were so focused on the scenery around you that you almost didn’t notice when he stopped the car and came round to open the door for you. 

You looked around, trying to guess what you were doing today and when your eyes fell on the yachts lined up next to each other, you turned towards your boyfriend with an excited look on your face. Pierre nodded before wrapping his hand in yours and walking towards one of the boats. Since it was only you and him, you expected to go on the smallest one but instead Pierre marched towards the biggest one and saluted the man waiting in front of it before climbing aboard.

You knew Pierre was rich. You had been dating for years at this point and you had witnessed his financial growth first hand, going from quick and cheap cinema dates in small towns to expensive restaurants all over the world but this was something else. Pierre had always been pretty quiet about his wealth, he knew you didn’t exactly come from money and hated to feel like you were just leeching off him when there was a cheaper equivalent that was just as good. 

However, this was different. You couldn’t lie and say you didn’t enjoy the luxurious boat you had all to yourself. Not when Pierre was looking all too happy to show you around, explaining how he had asked for this specific boat and why. It was endearing really, the way he seemed so happy to please you and treat you like a princess. In all honesty, he was probably enjoying the smile and the kiss you gave him as a thanks more than the actual boat he had paid thousands to rent. 

Your day on the water started on a high because as soon as you were out of the marina, the boat threw the anchor down and suddenly jet skis were dropped down in the water for you and Pierre. The Frenchman tried to convince you to try it on your own first but when he realised that having you on the same one as him meant having you as close as possible, he stopped arguing and almost jumped on the jet ski with a sly smile. 

You spent about an hour and a half hanging onto Pierre for dear life as you let out screams of pure adrenaline when you jumped over the waves at high speed, crashing with brutal force, knocking the air out of your lungs for a few seconds before you laughed. The sound was music to Pierre’s ears and you could tell he was doing his best to pull it out of you as often as he could by showing off and going as fast as he dared. 

When you finally came back to the yacht, someone was waiting to tell you that lunch was ready whenever you were. You hadn’t realised how hungry you were until you saw the table filled with your favourite things and in quantities you could never ingest, even with a boyfriend that could eat his own weight in food easily. Nevertheless, you sat down on the bench determined to honour the time the people who cooked must have spent making this. 

You realised you had eaten too much a bit too late so when Pierre asked what you wanted to do after lunch, you just shrugged, wanting nothing more than to sleep until you were feeling less groggy and full. Without you having to say a word, Pierre understood and took your hand so you followed him towards the front of the boat where the sunbed was. It was the biggest one you had ever seen, taking most of the place there and it looked so comfortable you couldn’t help but sigh expectantly. 

Pierre lied down first, spreading his arms out as he settled on his back with one hand behind his head. He looked almost unreal like that, all flushed skin from the sun, shining with what you assumed was a thin layer of sweat from the sun that peaked above you. You didn’t ever care about the heat or the sweat as you joined him on the bed, half on top of him, your cheek resting on his chest, his chin on the top of your head. 

You hadn’t even realised you were starting to fall asleep until you felt something cold hit your back, shrieking at the feeling. You looked up when you felt Pierre laugh softly, glaring at him menacingly to make him stop whatever he was trying to do.

-“ Relax princess. I’m just putting sunscreen on your back so you can sleep without looking like a lobster tomorrow.” 

-“ Oh, that’s really nice of you. Thanks.” 

-“ Wouldn’t want you whining about how your back hurt the whole trip now, would we ?” 

-“ I don’t whine, Pierre.” you huffed, rolling your eyes as he smiled even bigger now

-“ You’re a terrible liar but it’s okay, I still love you.” he tried to kiss you, chuckling when you pulled back, still acting offended

-“ Even if I did whine, which I don’t… I thought you liked hearing me. Isn’t that what you said last time in your driver’s room ?” you asked, looking at him with the biggest doe eyes you could as his whole face flushed red

-“ You– You’re going to be the death of me one day, you know that ?” 

-“ It’s okay, we both know you love it.” you winked, pecking his lips before stretching and settling down against him again, ready to nap for real this time

-“ Oh no no, mon coeur. You don’t get to tease me like that and then just fall asleep after you reminded me of this. If I can’t sleep, you’re not sleeping either.” he promised, shuffling under you, picking you up with ease

-“ Pierre. Put me down.”

-“ What’s the magic word, princess ?” 

-“ I’m not calling you daddy, if that’s what you were asking for.” you teased, knowing it would rile him up

-“ For the last time, y/n, I do not have a daddy kink so please for the love of God, stop saying that every time we’re in public because people are going to actually start believing it.” Pierre blurted, his face flushing

-“ But you’re so cute when you blush. How could I resist when teasing you is so fun and so easy ?” 

-“ Who are you calling cute ?” he tried, flexing his muscles as he tried to pull you towards him, attempting a biceps curl 

-“ Slow down big boy, I don’t want to fall face first and whine all week about how much it hurts.” you teased back

-“ You know what ? I was going to be nice and just put you back down but I feel like you’re a little too feisty today and maybe you need to cool down a bit.” Pierre nodded to himself, walking closer to the end of the boat as you wiggled in his arms, demanding that he put you down with screaming giggles

Pierre liked to think he was a nice boyfriend or at least nice enough to make sure he warned you before jumping so you could close your mouth before entering the water. The water wasn’t particularly cold but you definitely felt a rush of blood course through your entire body from the suddenness of it . You tried to look mad when you looked at Pierre but between his goofy smile and the water dripping from his hair onto his nose and his lips, you didn’t last a second before pressing your lips against his. This may not be heaven but it felt pretty damn close to you. 

After kissing for a bit in the water, Pierre letting you control the pace and how long you did it for, claiming it was his way of apologising when you both knew he was enjoying this just as much as you, you finally got your nap in the sun. You were still laying on top of Pierre and as time went by and the sun slowly got down, you could feel your boyfriend grow restless under you. You tried to ask him if he wanted you to move off him or if something was wrong but he just told you not to move and that everything was perfect. 

You didn’t quite believe him but you knew he would tell you at some point if something was really bothering him so you let it slide. Still wanting to show that you were there for him, you tightened your arms around his body and started playing with the hair at the back of his neck just the way he loved. It seemed to make him relax a little because by the time the captain of the boat came to tell you they had to head back to the marina, Pierre was smiling again.

After spending your whole day outside doing activities, you expected Pierre to want to rest for the evening and have dinner in your room but as soon as you were back at the hotel, he was off to shower telling you that he’d leave you the bathroom once he was done so you could take your time to get ready. Before you could even say something, he told you that the restaurant was a surprise and that it was a pretty fancy place so you could dress up if you wanted to. 

You tried to drag your boyfriend on the bed when he came out only wearing a towel around his hips but despite giving you a long and languid kiss, Pierre didn’t give in. He was adamant that the plans he had made needed to happen and that even his drop dead gorgeous girlfriend, his words, couldn’t convince him to be late. Since he was never one to turn down such an offer to have fun, you couldn’t help but grow suspicious at his behaviour. 

Just when you were about to say something about it, Pierre pushed you towards the bathroom with a kiss, biting your bottom lip and playfully slapping your ass before leaving you to get ready. Now, that was more like the Pierre you knew so you brushed off your previous feeling and started getting ready. 

The restaurant was more than beautiful. Pierre had picked a place straight out of a fairytale with that one. It was on the beach, dim lights everywhere that created an intimate ambiance paired with the sound of the waves crashing and the low jazz music playing in the background. You expected to be seated at one of the tables you saw but the waiter walked a little further away on the beach, revealing a secluded table surrounded by palm trees and what looked like fancy fairy lights.

You let Pierre drag your chair for you as you took in your surroundings. The Frenchman was watching you with a soft smile on his face, a clear affection written all over his features.

-“ So, do you like it ?” he asked as he anxiously sat down

-“ Pierre, this is perfect.” 

-“ Really ?” 

-“ Yes, I couldn’t dream of a prettier place to eat with you.”

-“ I’m glad you like it, I had a bunch of options but this restaurant was the only one that felt right, the only one that felt like us.” he admitted, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck

-“ You made a great choice but you really don’t have to stress yourself over this. I’ll be more than happy to eat junk food sitting on the pavement if that means I get to spend time with you.” 

-“ I know, I just like spoiling you and showing you off I guess.” he smiled brightly as the waiter came back, stopping the moment you two had been sharing

It was a dinner filled with good wine, exquisite food and even better company. Despite having the waiter come back a few times to ask if everything was alright, it truly felt like you were the only two in the world right now. Pierre was a little touchier than usual, keeping your hand in his whenever you didn’t need it and scooting his chair closer to you so he could rest his hand on your thigh when you nodded both hands to eat. It was endearing and you couldn’t do anything but smile back and melt into his familiar touch. 

You knew your boyfriend too much not to notice he was growing antsy as the meal was getting closer to the end but despite moving around a lot, he was still smiling and he seemed happy so you let him be again, not wanting to ruin the romantic atmosphere. When the dessert finally came, you dug in with appetite in the beautiful tiramisu as Pierre laughed at your behaviour before moving his seat back a little. 

-“ I’m so happy to be here with you, mon coeur.” Pierre started while you were still looking at your plate and eating, your full focus on the food in front of you “ We’ve been together for almost 5 years now, you know ? I wish I could say that I find this crazy but I really don’t. I feel like I’ve known you forever and 5 years seems way too small compared to what I want with you.” 

-“ Oh Pierre…” you started, finally looking at him as you felt your voice quivering with emotions

-“ I’ve thought about us a lot recently and there isn’t a single moment where I’d want us to be apart. You’ve been there for me at my worst and yet you still found it in yourself to love me for who I am and I don’t want to imagine where I’d be without you. I know I’m not usually one to talk about feelings and stuff like that but you make me feel safe enough to do so just by being yourself because you’re the most understanding, loving and caring person I know.” he declared, wrapping his hand in yours before continuing “I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else on this planet because I truly believe we are made for each other. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone else and that’s why I actually wanted us to come here because you deserve to know how much you mean to me and how much I love you.” 

-“ I love you so much, baby. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else ever either.” you murmured, fighting back tears as you watched Pierre slowly grab something in his pocket

-“ I’m glad you said that actually because I wanted to ask you something.” he smiled, letting go of your hand to grab the velvet box in his hands

-“ No, you didn’t !” you exclaimed, slapping your hand over your mouth while Pierre dropped to one knee in front of you

-“ Y/n, mon coeur, you’re the love of my life and there’s nothing I want more than to be able to call you my wife and grow old with you. Will you give me the honour of calling you my wife ?” 

-“ Yes, God, yes I’ll marry you. I love you so much.” you cried as he put the ring on your finger before kneeling down on the ground and kissing him with all the force you had

-“ I love you too, amour. You have no idea how much.” Pierre smiled, tears wetting his cheeks too while you rested your forehead against his

-“ I think I do after your big speech.”

-“ That was kind of the point of the whole thing.” he laughed, the sound making your heart soar with love so intensely you felt a sob wash over you at thought that this beautiful man in front of you was now your fiancé

-“ You’re such an idiot making me cry like that, you big dork. I must look awful with the tear stains.” you sniffled, Pierre pulling you in for a hug before helping you sit back on your chair again

-“ You look perfect, I promise. You look like someone who just got engaged.” 

-“ It’s not fair, you look beautiful as always and not all snotty from crying like me. I hate you so much. I hope you know we’re not taking engagement pictures with me looking like that.” you scoffed, hiding behind your glass of champagne that was now empty

-“ Don’t worry, I’m not crying much now but the day we get married I’ll be a crying fountain and you can laugh all you want then.” 

-“ I still can’t believe it, you’re going to be my husband. Oh my God, I’m going to be your wife.”

-“ You’re not already regretting it, are you ?”

-“ Of course not. I know it doesn’t look like it with all the tears and the teasing but there’s no word to describe how happy I am that you proposed. You’re the love of my life, P. I mean it. You’re my person, always and forever.”

-“ Good because I might have invited our families and close friends to celebrate with us here for New Year’s.” he admitted with a grin, making you laugh

-“ You were that sure that I’d say yes ?” you teased him with a nudge of your shoulder

-“ I was just really hoping you would because it would’ve been really uncomfortable otherwise.”

-“ Well it’s a good thing I’m head over heels in love with you then.”

-“ The feeling’s more than mutual mon coeur.” Pierre smiled, pressing his lips against yours, pouring all the love he felt for you in that slow kiss

The days between your engagement and the arrival of everyone had been spent in a daze. You and Pierre were completely immersed in your own bubble and everything felt like the beginning of your relationship again. Whatever Pierre said made you blush and he couldn’t help but feel the need to impress you and make you fall in love with him all over again. 

Seeing the ring he had chosen on your finger was making him feel all kinds of things and it seemed like being apart from you for two seconds was now impossible. He was always touching you in a way and he gave you nothing short of the princess treatment. 

It was endearing and you couldn’t lie and say you didn’t feel the exact same way as you took pictures to share the news to everyone around you. Pierre was beaming with pride whenever he caught you looking at the ring with a smile or when he looked at his own. There was truly no one else he’d want to spend his life with so he was relieved you said yes. 

The day you finally got married, Pierre kept his promise and wept as you walked in and as he read his vows, taking a deep breath before saying the last sentence of his carefully written text. Holding your delicate hands in his, Pierre said: “ You’re the only one I'd do this with, what a blessing to feel your love, mon coeur.” 

That last sentence was engraved in your head and in your heart, probably resonating deep in your soul until you’d give your last breath and leave the love of your life before he joined you into eternity. Because you knew Pierre and you were bonded by something bigger, you were twin flames, two parts of one being separated in two bodies, destined to find each other in every life, no matter what form that took. You were sure of it, it was the reason you agreed to marry him, he was your person, always and forever.

[lonelychicago]

hi i’m super nosy and was wondering if you could explain the 1d guy drama happening rn

oh oh anon there's SO much tea!!!

okay so i think all of this started when liam did this podcast with logan paul i think??? one of the paul brothers anyway. same thing.

ANYWAY. on that podcast he was drinking and being all... kind of talking hinself up a lot?? like, he said simon made 1d around HIM. and like he was supposed to be the frontman, the "leader" of 1d. he said that simon made 1d FOR him, like bc of a promise he made liam when he forst auditioned for the x factor. (all of this is a lie, simon didn't even formed 1d. other judge did!!!)

and anyway. the podcast was.... rough to listen to. but at one moment he told this story about something that happened during the 1d days. he said there was a fight backstage and that one member pushed him against the wall, and he said. HE SAID AND I QUOTE— "if you don't remove those hands, there's a high likelihood you won't ever use them again." KAJSJSJSJJSJSJ. (me personally i think he's talking shit and don't believe he said that at all but whatever.)

i digress. the thing is that since then it's been something everyone wondered about. like WHICH 1d member pushed him against the wall. a lot of ppl said harry, louis or zayn. (niall was never am option lmao) and it's been like a really discussed topic I'd say(??

so TODAY maya henry (liam's ex gf who also wrote a book where she tells how abusive he was to her) posted a tik tok today saying like: it was zayn guys. it was ZAYN. here's the tik tok in question.

so then ofc all the liam stans went for her throat and like complained that she was riding liam's fame. (like, WHAT fame girl, he is the least revelant 1d boy but whatever.)

so maya was like, okay bet. and basically did a 10 min tik tok exposing liam. she told how he wñuld say things like "we can do whatever we want, because the fans will always have our back and defend us." and basically like, no one will believe YOU. and also she said how he's constantly harrassing her and sending her and her family and friends messages, even though he has a gf now.

ALSO ALSO. that he shit talked the boys but then showed up at their concerts. so far he's been to argentina TWICE. once in may 18th for louis' concert, where he posted himself singing where do broken hearts go and also was photographed with one of louis' hoodies. and i think it was this week??? or maybe last week that was niall's concert. AND LET ME TELL U IT WAS SO CRINGY AND HARD TO WATCH. like he posted on snaptchat that "he had things to talk with niall, nothing bad!!! but they had A LOT to talk about" and that's why he was going to argentina. and also like danced macarena at the VIP balcony before niall was out on stage AND ignored a bodyguard when he tried to stop liam, because he was calling so much attention to himself that the fans were pushing each other and crowding and it was genuinely becoming a safety issue.

here's the longer tik tok woth all of the tea!!

[melonteee]

Do you think ur going to do a review or analysis of the live action? Because even tho i kinda liked it i think i have the same problem that you have with the characters, like zoro. It's weird bc i think that the characterization of the characters is kinda good, but also there's something laking, i think it's the removal of some core senes but honestly idk fully if it's that or something else. I know they had short time to adapt like 90 chapters, but i think the time they had would be better used if they didn't had the b plot be abt garp. Tho that's also not right, bc i think some of the scenes with the marines were fun? But in this case i think garp characterization is just not that great.

Idk its super weird bc i feel the world is really one piece and it was fun to watch but there's some things that are kinda :/

Okay uh, let me preface this by saying part of my degree had to do with adaptation - in terms of what it is and how it's really god damn hard. So this live action intrigues me not just as a one piece fan, but in terms of my studies, and I have no doubt my favourite teacher is getting a kick out of this as we speak lol.

If you don't want spoilers for ep 1, don't read under the cut. If you don't want to feel bummed out cause you super enjoyed the show, also don't read. I am analysing this in a very critical way because I was dead interested in how this was handled.

I have only watched one episode, I can only judge so far at the moment, so feel free to take this all with a grain of salt. There is indeed charm in this series! The only thing is, there's charm when it's trying to be itself exclusively, and it falls really flat when trying to replicate One Piece because...I didn't feel One Piece from this in any sense. Any 'faithful' shots I received felt like a cheap replica attempting to force some nostalgic emotion out of me with nothing earned.

And, from what I can see, that's the problem here. This series isn't sure how loyal it should really be, nor is it sure how much fidelity it should keep - but it's trying to remind me at every damn second "This IS One Piece, do you SEE One Piece?" And it's not just me saying this, the producers themselves admitted that they were TRYING to be loyal. A quote from them is;

“What we learned is the fans are expecting you to be true to the source material,” says executive producer Marty Adelstein, whose Tomorrow Studios produced “Cowboy Bebop” for Netflix before embarking on “One Piece....As we read the comments, it was always, ‘Well, they didn’t do this character the same as this and that.’ … It really taught us a lot of what we needed to do with this one.” “It became everyone’s goal to make sure that when you looked at the show, you thought this was a live-action version of the manga that just felt like another feather in the legacy of Oda,” (source)

So here's my question here, to myself and One Piece fans - did you FEEL like you were watching a 1:1 version of these characters? Did these characters FEEL like themselves instead of being TOLD they're apparently themselves?

Of course, it's an adaptation! It's supposed to be different! But this statement directly contradicts that, and so does everything else. After all they apparently hired Oda to 'check off' on it, they used the Japanese VAs for the Japanese audio version of it, they even have the manga/anime version of Luffy sitting there in the One Piece logo - constantly reminding me OF the original no matter what I do.

So with all these comments, and with all these decisions, what else to expect but "Oh, so they're planning to stay loyal and not deviate from the original? This is clearly their goal."

And that's where the problem ensues for me, because they try DESPERATELY to ham fist in original source material, they really want me to point at the screen and go "JUST LIKE THE MANGA!", but they're not going all in on it and, as such, the changes become increasingly obvious that this ISN'T the same. Because, if you only have a BIT of Zoro's character implemented from the original, but not ALL of it, what else am I to see but a bastardised version of the original here?

This script does this thing where it's giving me beats of Zoro, but not all of Zoro, and suddenly I'm left with a guy who's a weird, bizarro version of Zoro. He's not quite original enough to feel like his own being, and he's not quite loyal enough to feel like the original. And of course, it's not just Zoro, but it's this way for the other characters too.

The 'loyalty' the producers are talking about, and the lesson they've seem to have learnt here is; "We need to unnaturally shove in as much fidelity as we can in an exposition-dump, so we can get it out of the way, make everyone feel like we're respecting the source, and get on to the original scenes that add nothing but a laugh."

And...it's a shame! It's weird to say this series would, so far, be better if they weren't TRYING to replicate One Piece's energy, but from everything I am seeing, it's clearly what they are trying to do. This show has charm when it has its OWN charm, but cutting from a fun little original scene to an exposition dump of lore is so incredibly jarring I don't even really know what to make of it.

For example, we were shown Zoro being tied up to a pole. We are going to point at it and go "I remember that!" but then...the whole reasoning is different, the motives are different, and...the time is all different? In all respect, this series is doing what Disney live actions are doing, where they are giving me MORE scenes with LESS information - and due to seemingly TRYING to be loyal, it feels like the original scenes are fun, but a waste of time due to the exposition dumps being incredibly rushed and lacklustre.

In a complete ironic twist, their desperation to be loyal has them falling flat, so instead I'm seeing a hollow replica of what One Piece is - when it could've been an original live action that's trying to work on its strengths of BEING its own live action.

All in all, the first ep would've been fine if I turned my brain off, but I don't...watch One Piece to do that. I don't ever feel numbed by One Piece, and by all means I was given the expectation that this WOULD be the story RETOLD but with BIGGER action and LARGER characters because they just LOVE Oda and respect him SO MUCH!

But at the end of the day, for a first impression, I got another Netflix live action that COULD work on itself, but ultimately is making me appreciate the original a lot more. It's making me appreciate Oda's writing more, the Strawhat's original characters more, and the world more. It seems great as a digestible family show, which I'm sure is what Netflix wanted, but it's already got me feeling uneasy.

Of course, this could very well change the more I get through, and I'm very open to it, but the first episode in itself makes for a fascinating case study on the fidelity of anime live action adaptations.

And just in case anyone gets up in arms because there seems to be a weird forced positivity crusade on this series right now, Oda himself has said he intends to happily take criticism, because he knows it'll come from a place of love. This by no means is a disrespect to Oda, and is more a look in on how Netflix operates.

[basil-appreciation-comic]

IMPORTANT UPDATE!!

the comic is cancelled. you probably already assumed that since i havent posted anything about it in a while but yeah the things dead now lol. mainly because i dont care much about omori anymore, the comic sucked, and it was too much effort. i feel kinda bad about leaving you guys in the dark for this long tho, so i thought id go ahead and include all the scrapped stuff for the comic that never got finished

while i was writing the comic i started a google doc that laid out ideas i had for future pages. heres that if you wanna know how the story ends

it was written over several months and (most) things are in order of where they go on the timeline not when i wrote them so it might be a little hard to follow

also some art i never posted

(at least i dont think ive posted the last one)

i quoted not liking this comic as one of the reasons i stopped so let me explain that with a list of things id change about this if i were to remake it (which i wont)

remove the swearing that was so stupid

make omori mute (and probably use sign language)

omori does not express fear or stress in-game, thats sunnys job. quit it

he also does not cry and generally shows emotions (even the big ones) in more subtle ways (which i think i was trying to shift towards later in the doc) idk why he was so emotional all the time

literally everything about how i portrayed omori actually that was all just awful

the panic attack scene is fucking embarrassing i have no clue what i was thinking. im so sorry for writing it like that i did 0 research beforehand

make it shorter why did i think that would work out

id probably just make it a fic, comics take way too much outta me compared to just writing things

it does not need a big epic ending and probably shouldve ended not long after they escaped black space

the romance is horrible but thats the foundation of the comic so idek what id do about that

stop making everyone talk like therapists 24/7

and yeah it has a lot of problems but i still do care about this due to the ammount of effort and love ive put into it, i just cant and dont want to continue it

so yeah thats where this story ends ig. i had a lot of fun along the way, and thank you so much for all the support. bigger thanks to that one sunflower discord server (if you came from there you know which one) for being my main motivation and support throughout this journey. sucks this comic never got to see its full potential but im relieved to finally lay it to rest. the blog will stay up for archival purposes but i will not continue the comic any further obviously. the ask box will remain open if you wanna say anything or if you have a question about the story or whatever. thanks for reading.

[loumauve]

For the Character Ask! Right backatcha while I think on your asks, 17 and 18 for Silga and Untalla!

(in reference to this ask meme)

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about

---

gonna drop the entirety of this under a read more bc it's likely to get long with even just the poems (no, I did not leaf through my collection of 15+ poetry books just for this) (also, no songs, sadly, not yet. I'll send you a message on discord tho if I do decide on some in the future)

also, the reason this reply is late is because I wanted to take my time with finding the right songs, but then that never happened because of me losing my mind over Jesse and Emily once again other distractions, so I figured I'd rather get around to it now because I love them and I think about them all the time and I didn't want you to think I was ignoring them

Untalla is a bit hard for me to pin down, so I'm going off vibes here

i never expected death to be my most faithful companion, but she is the only one who will come without having to be asked. - the only one who will never leave (from the princess saves herself in this one by Amanda Lovelace)

This is me, I am the eye of the storm and my heart is a little broken. But if you want me, I'm yours. (from Pillow Thoughts by Courtney Peppernell)

[..] The Grieved - are many - I am told - There is the various Cause - Death - is but one - and comes but once - And only nails the eyes - There's Grief of Want - and Grief of Cold - A sort they call "Despair" - [..] (part of poem 561 from The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson by.. well, Emily Dickinson, my eternally beloved)

Silga is a whole load of grief and longing, if I had more hope-filled poetry books I would have tried to find a hopeful one as well. I think that would suit her, but alas

what do we do with all the things we need to say to someone we'll never see again? - maybe that's why i write (from to drink coffee with a ghost by Amanda Lovelace)

I wish that it were easier for me to explain that you won't really get inside my head for a long time even though I want you to crawl inside my mind as badly as I want to curl up with a flashlight inside of yours and read for hours on end [..] (part of Things I Would Like To Tell You but Probably Won't (At least, not for a very long time) from High Wire Darlings by Kalyn RoseAnne Livernois)

[..] The thing about heartbreak is it feels too big for your body. You become cavernous - A walking Mariana Trench. Nobody knows how deep you go because the pressure is heavy enough to fold bodies into paper cranes and naive enough to call this beautiful. [..] (part of Survivor's Guilt from Wrong Side of a Fistfight by Ashe Vernon)

..and THEM because I love them

I was lying beside you and you had this half smile because my hands were drifting down your spine. And you looked at me and I lost track of everything. Because I realised just how badly I want under your skin. (from Pillow Thoughts by Courtney Peppernell)

[..] Do not dote on me Do not say anything about my eyes when we are watching the stars I will know you adore me by the way you remove the space between us before we fall asleep It will be in your eyes even when you didn't mean to tell me [..] (part of Irromantic from High Wire Darlings by Kalyn RoseAnne Livernois)

[..] Find the pocket of your heartbeat where you keep Forgiveness. We will try again tomorrow - I know you've got a bone to pick with tomorrow, but it's coming anyway. [..] You think you've seen every ugly corner of this whole rotten world, but listen: There is an infinite number of things we don't know and, statistically speaking, at least half of them are probably very, very beautiful. (part of Post-Panic Attack from Wrong Side of a Fistfight by Ashe Vernon)

as for therapy.. oof.

how many hours do they have? lol obviously a LOT of grief counselling, trauma processing for both of them. and maybe they can go to couple's therapy together, even if they're not dating, just to figure out how to best communicate and support each other. and maybe figure out what kind of intimacy is the kind they want and can handle. sometimes it can help to have external structure for those kinds of conversations

[uncomfortableyoutuberthrowaway]

Hi everbody this is my throwaway. I already gave a lot of details but there's still some questions that need to be answered so here I am.

To start, no, I didn't send the fic to the YTber herself, but to the ex-friend, who proceeded to send it to the YTber. I don't believe she is the asshole for sending the YT the fanfic, since when I initially presented it to her, I pretended that it was written by somebody else. We stopped being friends for entirely different reasons that aren't relevant here, but yeah she's not to blame for this.

As for what was in the fanfic, it was basically a femslash fic between my favorite character and her girlfriend in canon and essentially dealt with a character who is the villain in canon trying to break up their relationship. I won't deny that the fic was dark and contained violence and stuff like that, but the original story also includes dark stuff and violence so I didn't think it was a problem. Think like if someone wrote a dark fic of The Walking Dead or Tokyo Ghoul, it was basically like that. There was some sexual stuff(with canonically adult characters only), but not a lot, and it was all kept to a minimum, there were no sex scenes, no instances of graphic or overly explicit rape or sexual assault, the fic wasn't NSFW in the sexual sense and wasn't smut or porn in any way. I never got to finish the fic because the YTber demanded I remove it, although it would've had a happy ending for the main couple(not like that matters anymore lol). However, and this is what I feel is the most crucial piece of information, but according to my ex-friend, the YouTuber didn't even actually read the fanfiction, she was merely upset by the existence of fanfic itself more so than the content therein(although she did also dislike the content, again without having read it). So it wasn't so much what was written in the fic that was the problem with the YouTuber, and more so the fact that she didn't like the idea of people writing fanfic at all. That seemed to be the main issue in all of this.

The stuff I discussed with my friend on Tumblr was mainly headcanons, incorrect quotes, all that jazz, or just gushing over our shared favorite character, nothing inappropriate or out of the ordinary.

I respect and appreciate everyone saying NTA and that I should post the fic back up again, but I really don't want to after everything that has happened, plus by the time this ask has been posted I had long gotten over the YT and her work lol.

The YouTuber is about the same age as me. I don't feel like I have the right to say her exact age but yeah we're both adults, although I am older than her.

Anyway thanks to me she's now given up on the old story entirely, she stated multiple times that she's abandoned it due to people being "obsessive/parasocial" with it and "crossing boundaries" that she had, she's also deleted all of her Instagram content involving the story and replaced it with a new one(that I'm not that interested in tbh) and changed her Instagram handle. So yeah. And someone else already said this, but I'm barely on Instagram, the "reside" part wasn't literal, I don't live on there lol.

Also, since so many people have asked me to drop the name of the YouTuber, here it is.

I hope I answered all of your questions lol, if I missed any then please let me know. Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words, bc I really did worry about my behavior being TOO parasocial and out of line, although I do respect the one person who said YTA. In the future I will make sure that the YTber I write fanfics for(if I ever do, which I probably won't at this point in time xD) is okay with it first.

Bye-bye!

AITA for making a YouTuber feel uncomfortable? 

Here me out please, before you all make assumptions. 

A couple months ago, I(19F) began following a YouTuber that I quickly began to love. I won’t be saying the YouTuber’s name for the sake of protecting their privacy, obviously. I started to watch their videos(which were mainly about a story that she came up with, featuring her ocs) and enjoyed them all, enjoyed the ocs, too. This YouTuber is a relatively unpopular one, but not so unpopular that they’re obscure or completely unheard of, they’re just not one of the big names in the YouTuber community. I made a few amazing friends due to us being in the same fandom and both enjoying this YouTuber’s content. One day, I decided to write a fanfic for this person’s story featuring her ocs. I uploaded the fic to AO3 and made sure to credit the YouTuber with creating these amazing ocs. I then showed it to my few friends, who all loved the fanfic. However, one day I made the mistake of showing the fic to a mutual friend(now an ex-friend but that’s a topic for another discussion) that me and the YT both share, and she sent the fanfic to the YT without my permission. Now before y’all get up in arms, I didn’t mind at all that she had sent it to the YT, in fact, I actually wanted the YT to see. However I really wish that she had asked me first, because I would have been more than happy to show it to them! Unfortunately, a few days after I sent it to her, my other friend(let’s call her M) showed me an announcement the YT made on her Discord, in which she complained about people writing fanfictions of her ocs and “using” them in her stories without her permission. She also stated that she felt like she was losing control of her story when other people wrote fanfics of it, and that whoever wrote the fanfiction “didn’t understand boundaries”(even though she didn’t have this boundary before and also wrote in the announcement that she used to be okay with fanfics of her work, but now no longer is). I deleted the fanfic the moment I saw the post from my friend, but I was a bit disappointed since I never meant to make her feel uncomfortable and only wanted to show my love and appreciation for her story, and possibly get more people to check out her story as well. Still, I deleted the fanfic from AO3. 

Now, here’s where things get interesting. A while later, I joined the YouTuber’s Discord server, where I met many people that I got along quite well with and quickly befriended. I often engaged in conversations with them about the story, and often drew fanart of my favorite character and posted it to the art channel in the server(she’s okay with fanart of her ocs, just not fanfics). Now is probably a good time to mention that while I was in the Discord server(and even before that) I often talked about the story with my friend on Tumblr(not M, these are two separate friends) who did not have Discord but loved the story just as much as I did. We often talked about the story and how much we enjoyed it, and often came up with jokes and headcanons, basic stuff like that, that any fan would do. Anyway, back to the Discord, one of the rules of the server was not to be disrespectful or rude or malicious towards other people, and another was that if you received two warnings about your behavior in the server then you would be quickly banned from the server and no longer allowed to come back. I understood this and tried to conduct myself to the best of my ability. However, one day, I found myself mysteriously unable to access the server, and when I tried to rejoin, I was again unable to. I found out that the reason I couldn’t access the server was because I had been banned due to “disrespectful behavior”, “engaging in arguments”, and making the YouTuber(who ran the server) uncomfortable. I was confused, because I genuinely don’t remember ever engaging in rude behavior with anyone. The few instances(according to them) in which I had been allegedly rude or disrespectful to people were both genuine misunderstandings, and both times I had apologized for them and did not repeat the behavior. I also did not receive any form of warning before being banned, despite one of the rules being that you will receive two warnings before being banned from the server. Still, I apologized for my alleged hostility and asked if I could come back, however the YouTuber said no, and went on to add that not only was I rude to people in the server(which, again, were both genuine misunderstandings), but that she had seen my Tumblr conversations with my friends in which I talked about her story, and said that she was “wildly uncomfortable” with how “obsessive” I was with it as well as my favorite character in the story. This bewildered me to no end because the YouTuber did not have Tumblr and had never once ever mentioned being on or having access to Tumblr, so I did not expect her to see my posts(and even if she did, I did not expect to get banned for them as they do not violate the rules of the server). It made me wonder why she didn’t just talk to me and explain to me that she was uncomfortable with me posting about her work instead of just banning me altogether and not giving me a chance to defend myself. I ended up sadly and reluctantly deleting all of my posts relating to her story, and requesting my friend to do the same. I told M about this scenario, and she was enraged on my behalf, saying that the YouTuber probably was actually upset about my having written a fanfic for her ocs, and said that she didn’t understand me being called obsessive because I acted like a normal fan would(which I agree with). Some of my other friends have sided with me as well and told me that the YouTuber was acting petty, however some of my friends have taken a middle ground. None of them entirely condemned me, but that may just be because they are biased and don’t want to hurt my feelings. The mutual friend/now ex-friend(of course) merely told me to “self-reflect” and move on from the story. Regardless, the YouTuber now has me blocked, not just on Discord, but on Instagram as well, where I also reside. 

Reasons why I think I might be the asshole: I will admit that I have a tendency to really hyperfixate on things and get especially attached to fictional characters that I adore and resonate with, so I can see why that would make them uncomfortable. That being said… 

Reasons why I think I might not be the asshole: I genuinely wasn’t trying to make this wonderful YouTuber feel uncomfortable or be “obsessive” with the story. I merely wanted to show my appreciation for it in a way that I thought was normal for online fans, which included writing a fanfic, drawing fanart, and geeking out about the story with my friends(admittedly publicly). I had no idea that these actions would turn the YouTuber off, and merely wanted to show how much I enjoyed the story. I also was never rude to anyone in the server and apologized whenever a misunderstanding rose up. I never tried to be aggressive with anyone or cursed anybody out or tried to have arguments with people, so I have no idea where that came from. 

So, what say ye, oh wise people of Tumblr? Am I the asshole or not?

What are these acronyms?

[hauntiella]

quote from me on genius.com about this album cover. posting here because they might remove it.

"yeah so this is……. a bit graphic…

this is a photo of the bodies of the columbine shooters after they killed themselves moments after they shot up their high school. a lot of the music i listen to often has this really dark and grotesque art, but thats all it ever is. art.

however, i decided to wayyyyyyy cross over the line and use real dead bodies of absolutely horrible people uncensored. this band i listen to called larval therapy (sick asf check em out) has a cover that has real dead people on it, but at least they had the decency to cover it up in some way. me? not at all i ripped the photo straight off the internet. the reason i know this photo even exists is because of the one time FTP used this picture on the back of one of their shirts and got insane backlash for it.

the quote "maybe if we wake up, we could see the sky" is a turn on the lyrics from "bulls in the bronx" by pierce the veil where vic says "maybe if we never wake up we can see the sky"

my take is a much more positive and optimistic one. vic is (or at least as i understood) saying that the only way they could truly find peace is after we kill ourselves. but mine is a reply saying, maybe the reason we cant find peace is not because we're not dead, but because we never truly got to live. which fits somewhat into the story of the columbine kids. they felt their lives and the lives of the people they took meant nothing, and when they killed themselves they were probably under the same words of "we can find peace in the afterlife" bc we're already dead and we have nothing left to live for. but im talking to them or people who have similar thoughts to what they did and am saying that life is too valuable to throw away. i understand wanting to die more than most people ever would, but you're already here, you're alive, as much as you might hate that and want to put a gun in your mouth and kill yourself, you might as well try. even if this shit feels worthless, fuck it. you never know whats waiting tomorrow."

[cuhcuhcuhcory]

bioethics blog 1

Hi deep thinkers and smooth brain babyloves, I'm blogging for posterity now. who knows how long this will keep up <3

Its day 2 of my Bioethics class and I am already ahead of the curve. This is a 2 week 3 credit hour rollercoaster and I started the dang thing front row seats with our arms up. Anyway, I just got done reading the passage in the book about the ethics of Christian Scientists and others who don't believe in medical treatment and how horribly common it is for parents to be providers of maltreatment on religious grounds. I thought the quote from the supreme court ruling about the Prince V. Massachusetts case was incredibly sharp and on point. It said, "Parents may be free to become martyrs themselves. But it does not follow they are free, in identical circumstances, to make martyrs of their children before they have reached the age of full and legal discretion when they can make that choice for themselves"

beautiful logic. brilliantly written. chef's kiss. i just wish it were that simple. cults are so so powerful. belief is terrifying when diametrically opposed to any facts or logical processes of any kind and those people represent the ultimate opposition to logic-- Healing by faith alone bc your wounds and ailments are a symbol of your failing relationship to god, not the reality of being a goofy little delicate meat machine. all systems can be vulnerable! But I digress... We're not going to spiral down that rabbit hole because here i doth present the only conversation I ever *knowingly* had with a Christian Scientist Nurse.

I did hair for about 8 years professionally in my 20s. This is from nearing the middle to end of that 8 year period. I had seen this woman a few times but infrequent, maybe once or twice a year but she alwys came back to me and she was sweet, pretty with lots of freckles and very bright eyes. It was probably 4 or 5 visits before she came out to me as a Christian Scientist Nurse. She was always really sweet but kind of in that guarded yet pleasant way-- Not a moral judgement just an observation based on the premise that people kind of let you know how to they want to be engaged if you let them (and hairdressers who pick up on this make better money). Anyway, she started venting to me about how hard it was to treat with people and work with them with end of life care and that sometimes she wishes she could sneak in some real morphine or some drugs that are more effective than ibuprofen. And i said yeah i cant imagine how painful dying of old age is, I dont think i could do it without hard drugs XD Then I asked her what it was like to provide care like that but not medication and she said that its basically just regular hospice care. sitting talking, helping with the little things. Holding their hand and listening. I was really nice and pleasant but she kept going on about people she was "treating", more elderly and end of life care, more diabetes related complications. I was just floored. flabbergasted. What could I say to her face but holy hell i was upset and confused hearing all of this willful ignorance, failure to comply with practical medical advice, idk what to call it bc faith "healing" implies people get better and they dont. they die.

So thinking about it now years removed seems so strange. Cuz like at what point are you not a monster for pretending to offer treatment but only offering hollow words and hand holds. Its so strange. I still dont understand if that is good or evil. If they truly believe they're doing good, how can we make them see the harm or be responsible for truly setting aside their moral stances for the betterment of their kids when they see it as a complete failure of faith. failure of faith or not, I certainly wouldn't call it moral to withhold medication or to promote the rejection of modern medicine. Plus, by the morphine comment, it felt like she knew that medicine would work in some capacity so i just dont and will never understand the decision to choose to suffer and to choose to witness and support suffering like that.

anyway maybe i'll write my paper on christian scientists and how fucked up they are. religion is a cancer sorry not sorry

[araekniarchive]

Do you remember who all those tags belong to? On your poetry-in-the-tags post

Oh boy. Here we go.

The only tag I remember-remember is @searchingforserendipity25's, because she's the loml and I was super psyched to include her and hype her up as she's always doing the same for me. Her tag was:

Whilst I don't know any of the others off the top of my head, I am juuust nuts enough to go back and find them all again (which isn't quite as huge an undertaking as it sounds, as they're all tags from a) the last month, and b) in posts reblogged from this blog) so if you get tagged/are just curious, look under the read more for the rest.

I didn't put the tags in chronological order in the post itself, just mixed them up until they felt right, but in the interests of my not going insane, the following tags are in the chronological order (most recent to oldest), not the order they're in on the post. I'll put the tag/reblog I used first, and then tag the person who wrote it afterward in brackets - if anybody would prefer their name not be listed here/connected to the tags (which I totally get, as usually they're v anonymous and limited only to your followers and the op of whatever you reblog) then let me know and I'll remove you from the list <3 If a person has more than one tag on the list, I will put then all in the same bullet point, but seperate them out with an and in italics.

Final note: as the original post has moved so far beyond my immediate followers, a lot of the reblogs I get on it are saying 'actually this isn't original poetry, sorry to tell you this is ____' - and I promise you're not telling me something I don't already know. I'm a quotes blog; part of the beauty of words is that they can be reused, and that somebody in my tags is quoting something is really not news to me. Poetry is poetry is poetry; this is about appreciation of that, first and foremost, and how lovely it is to find in the tags of something you've made.

I'm so sorry, my love. I deserve this destruction (@ladygrinnxngsoul)

#we fell apart like two branches from the same tree; your name overlaps my orchard; do you remember me? and #ill write my own happy ending // i beg for this not to end in tragedy (@pari-prince)

#wasting years chasing ghosts (@ciaran)

#no better love that ever has loved me (@wangjjs)

#last one is me listening to almost the entirety of 'we have always lived in the castle' and not remembering a single thing #because me and ***** were listening together and i couldn't not think of him instead (@felfeslik)

#i want a love that falls as fast as a body from a balcony (@iiiphigenia)

#somedays i take my memories and play pretend // not reliving pasts // just dream that it only existed in my head // perhaps it did (@aflowerherself)

#this hunger cannot be sated (@amaratayakul)

#oh my madness and #more on my cruelty and strange wishes #and mortified were my desires (@wigilda)

#so cold no fire can warm me (@hurricane-in-a-teacup)

#oh lover loveless take me take me by my hair take me to your lair (@hornbachers)

#'I would have died for you but I never had the luck' (@captain-lovelace)

#if you're hurting so am i (@lyriumrain)

look at the clouds in the sky they mean nothing and yet they are there and they are pretty. isn't that nice? (@strangewomanwithanefariousagenda)

#tenderness sharper than any razor (@bookwyrmbran)

#i have no other homeland but you and #i want to be a body for you (@immoralsofties)

#if you be the one to cut me i'll bleed forever (@lokahjarta)

#thinking abt the time my mom tried to explain the love she had for her children to me and my sister #n she told us abt how when she was a kid and living in korea n how a lot of the time they couldn't afford food. just basic shit. and how #when her mom my 할머니 would always take the head of the fish when she cooked #and she said that it was the best part and the most flavorful #and my mom learned years later that it was bc the fish head has the least amount of meat. and she had always left the majority of the food #for her kids #and my mom used to do the same exact thing when she was raising us #and then she said i didn't get it back then i didn't get it when she told me about it #but when i had u guys i got it then!! (@solipsism-lemonade)

#it squeezes and writhes (and we call it love) (@zoanzon)

#as certain dark things are to be loved (@pierremichelofavignon)

#we are all just trying to be holy (@sleepysunshines)

#'it starts with a lamb and ends with the murder of the very person you should love most' and 'i pity thee who lovest what must perish' // 'and i thee who lov'st nothing' (@evakant)

#when the world does not leave you room for love it doesn't simply disappear #it reshapes itself #into something cruel and monstrous and greedy and desperate and terrible and still. #there is love. (@danielederossi)

i loved you as icarus loved the sun. too close, too much. (@dearestdeaths)

#this whole cursed love #and i will wage wars in your name (@kikidiesunddas)

#i am desperate for a language to hold me (@parallelwebs)

#i call you and you don't come. i love you and you don't come (@ashineintheblue)

#you are not obligated to finish it; you are not free to abandon it #you cannot stop spring from coming (@dialux)

#yesterday i thought and went. I think I already lost the person who was the light and the person who understood and maybe it cripples me (@iammissingautumn)

#[ no matter how long we hold it in our trembling hands ] (@letisnotonfire)

#you wanted to burn (@meradorm)

#i am your echo. i would rather break the world than lose you (@clacing)

#we call up our angels to cut us down (@thegreyunderstanding)

#our hands dirtied by the other's desire; i will declare my love with a slaughter (@horrifically)

#our hands empty except for our hands (@youngestdaughtersyndrome)

#hmm. #this again. this always maybe (@trulydarling)

#some day i want to write letters like this to the girl i love (@zhouxus)

#the colour of anger and love is red (@jaamun)

#what if we traded hands? (@touyaz)

#what you touch touches you back (@wantingbuthopingitnot)

you were the brightest shade of sun i had ever seen. (@mcginnis)

you die like angels sing (@cloudheaded)

I know I haven't included all of them - I probably missed them, I got quite tired toward the end - but it's not an intentional snub or anything - if you think one of the unclaimed tags is yours, lmk and I'll check it/you out to see :)

[iamanartichoke]

Another totally unprompted ask, on the assumption that you are definitely no longer in need of them… another thing I’m trying to work out about Loki characterisation in preparation for perpetrating fic torture on him is how suicidal the poor sod is most of the time. This is another thing I’ve seen referred to a lot but only in passing. Though obviously this is a pretty triggery topic, so ignore if you want.

I am always in need of totally unprompted asks, otherwise I just assume no one wants to talk to me lmao

So, hoo boy. I have been mulling over this for, apparently, three days now bc there's just ... there's a lot to unpack here. Putting under a cut for obviously triggery content and also for length bc fml.

In my opinion, the response to "how suicidal is Loki most of the time" is "very, but whether or not he wants to do anything about it varies from moment to moment" (see what I did there? I'll see myself out). In other words, I have always had a headcanon that Loki is consistently, passively suicidal. This is a headcanon that comes straight from TDW, bc I'm certain that Loki never had any intention of surviving their mission. And that could be a whole other post, really, but the point is that even though this is a TDW-centric headcanon, I have come to adopt it as applying to Loki in general as well, not just in those specific circumstances.

When I say passively suicidal, I mean that Loki is just sort of ambivalent about the value of his own life. He feels like he doesn't deserve to be alive, and feels like there's little point in being alive. Which - I don't mean to sound all gloom and doom, like, poor uwu emo Loki (and I kinda hate that I have to pause to disclaim that, no, I don't just have a fixation on Loki being depressed for funsies/the aesthetic/whatever); I think that this mindset stems from really complicated places that I'm not sure I can articulate, but I will try.

I view Loki as someone who suffers from a severe inferiority complex, and I feel like it stems from being abandoned as an infant. Loki's life started with a traumatic event and, even if he doesn't remember the event itself, the feelings he experienced stayed in his subconscious. Feelings of loss, of fear, of despair and abandonment, of suffering - these are all feelings that burrowed into his bones and lived there for his entire life, feelings that colored how Loki viewed himself as a person as well as how he compared to the people around him.

Keep in mind that Loki didn't know he was abandoned until the events of Thor 1, obviously. We don't really know how old Loki is, in human years, but I have always assumed that he and Thor were at least adults (not teenagers), maybe the equivalent of early twenties - and the reason I bring that up is because it means Loki made it all the way to adulthood carrying the weight of a trauma that he did not remember or even knew had happened, so to him, there was no real reason for how wrong he felt. There was no explanation for the feelings of loss, of neglect, of fear. So on top of struggling with those feelings, Loki was also burdened with the alienation that comes with wondering why one can't just be like everyone else, why one can't just "snap out" of depression, why one's sense of self-worth has always been lacking.

So imagine what it's like to grow up as Loki. He was traumatized as an infant. The trauma has been with him his entire life, along with the confusion/alienation of not understanding why he feels the way that he does, and then on top of that, his basic personality lends itself toward introspection and isolation, so he likely felt even further removed from Thor and from his peers. Loki's too smart for his own good, and he's got an enormous capacity to feel and I feel like this is a combination that works against him as much as it does for him, bc it probably means he spent a lot of time examining himself and identifying all of his perceived flaws - and then berating himself for said flaws.

People with depression are probably pretty familiar with the bully that lives in your head, the one who is always there to remind you that you're stupid, or ugly, or that nobody likes you, or that you have nothing of value to contribute to anyone, etc. Loki's no different; he's got that bully in his head, too. Add onto this the fact that his brother is literally perfect, that he feels his father doesn't love him (or love him as much), that his interests in things like magic are looked down on in his culture, and that he's a prince (meaning that along with the privilege comes pressure, and being in the public eye, knowing that everyone around him is comparing him to Thor as much as he compares himself to Thor, well.) and you have a total clusterfuck of a mindset, and Loki's been existing inside of that clusterfuck for nearly all of his life.

I always go back to the quote where, when filming I think the vault scene, Kenneth Branagh directs Tom by saying, "This is the moment where the thin steel rod holding your brain together snaps." And it's such a significant moment for Loki bc this is where it all crumbles for him, learning the truth, but I also fixate on the "thin steel rod" part of the quote bc that's not how one would describe a healthy, stable person's mind. The implication, to me, has always been that Loki wasn't that stable to start with due to his general upbringing, his internal struggles, and his personality, so of course the devastation of learning he's adopted, and Jotun, would send him over the edge. One doesn't go from zero to 60; one doesn't fall over the edge unless they were balancing fairly close to it in the first place. And to me, the "thin steel rod" basically equals the aforementioned clusterfuck of a mindset.

THE POINT IS. (Holy shit, I ramble.) This is the foundation on which I'm basing my headcanon that Loki neither values his life nor feels as if he even deserves to live it - bc his default mindset is one of inferiority, of loss, of pain. And I think that going from being a general unstable person pre-canon to being passively suicidal post-canon is a thing that happened because, somewhere between the vault in Thor 1 and the dungeons in TDW, Loki just stopped caring.

Life is exhausting for everyone, but even moreso when your mental load becomes more than you can carry. Loki is exhausted. His experience is that things just keep getting worse and worse for him - he's never been valued, he's always been found wanting. He discovers that he was literally thrown away as an infant, unwanted and left to die, and things haven't gotten much better for him since then. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. His plans spin out of control. He's unable to prove his worth and his value and when he is, in fact, rejected, he literally tries to kill himself (only to survive and end up in an even worse situation).

It all just continually goes downhill, and Loki is fucking exhausted. He's done. He has no hope that anything is ever going to change - he will never be valued or even seen, he's unable to connect to anyone, he has no family (aside from Thor, but their relationship is so fraught with pain). As far as he's concerned, his life has been nothing but a waste since he was born and if no one else values it, why should he?

So - passively suicidal. He places no value on his life, and doesn't shy away from situations that could cost him his life. It's possible that the only reason he's not actively suicidal is bc his previous attempt not only failed but led to such a horrible situation that he's probably too afraid to intentionally seek out death again. He doesn't want to fail and end up worse off for it.

And - not that you asked this in particular, but - my biggest disappointment in the series is that none of what I've just written is addressed in a satisfying way (to me). That is, we don't get any real explicit acknowledgement of the trauma of Loki's abandonment as a baby or how that affected his mental health growing up; we don't get to explore how devastated he was to learn of his adoption; we don't ever see him reconcile his ingrained belief that jotuns are monstrous savages with the fact that he is jotun. He says "I betrayed everyone I loved, but I'm different now" and we're supposed to infer what he means without Loki actually articulating why he feels that he's the only one who should be held responsible for all these things that had happened or what "I've changed" even means to him (aside from not betraying Sylvie).

I would have liked to see these things addressed for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is that I would want to see how Loki comes to terms with all of his issues and his pain enough that he stops being passively suicidal. We never get to see that; after TDW, the time that passes allows for Loki to kinda chill, resulting in the Ragnarok version, but if there was any real healing or recovering going on, it was happening off-screen, with the audience expected to just go with "yeah Loki was going through it for awhile but he's kinda better now."

Furthermore, much of what I've written here is based on prime Loki's development through TDW, but doesn't account for series Loki's split from that timeline nor the theme of "Lokis survive" that's so prevalent in the series. So I don't think the "passively suicidal" headcanon is really appropriate for series Loki but, at the same time, I'd like to have seen why. I'd like to have seen Loki learning to value his life, or where the "we survive" mindset comes from, since that's not really been a thing before now. (Out of universe, I suspect it comes from the context of Loki just not dying whenever he tries to, but since TDW and IW haven't happened, and Loki didn't intend to survive his fall from the bifrost, framing Loki as an innate survivor doesn't really make sense, but to be fair, I'm just being picky.)

So, yeah. I'm not saying Loki doesn't experience growth or development in the series, I'm just saying that his arc left much unsaid and, furthermore, framing his growth as "wanting a throne to not wanting a throne" without addressing that Loki doesn't actually want the power of the throne, he wants the value and self-worth he associates with the throne, is - well, again, unsatisfying. Not bad, but it leaves viewers like me wanting bc we're cognizant of how much more could have been done.

I ... am going to end this now. This is probably nonsensical and all over the place, so I'm very sorry, and I'm sure this is why I don't get meta-starter asks lmfao bc no one's out here trying to read my dissertation submission for a Ph.D in Loki, but well, sometimes it just be like that.

Thank you for the ask and the opportunity to ramble.

[i-love-side-characters]

hot take for the aoas fandom but i don’t ship curaday. not bc i just don’t like the ship but bc i don’t like how faraday was curie’s previous mentor. idk... it just seems manipulative and predatory to me that they ended up together with the power dynamic so unbalanced.

hmm i definitely see where you're coming with that. and don't worry its fine that you don't ship them!!! that's perfectly acceptable!!!

i have to say a few things first on the predatory aspect, if that's alright. also disclaimer this is quite rambly, i'm sorry i'm just very tired.

additional notes:

important points/things i want to stress in bold

quotes are italicized

thunderhead + the toll quote used!!! not really spoilers, but careful if you haven't read books 2 and 3!!!

if you're not a coward here's my askbox

now in my opinion, there are a few things that might make it seem as though curaday is a very predatory relationship. one, the mentor/apprentice problem. two, the age gap. three, the essence of their romantic relationship. because you didn't state why you felt it was predatory, i'll adress those issues.

1) the nature of their relationship during the mentor years

the "original" curaday as such wasn't really a romantic relationship. there was no hint of the relationship between the two while faraday was mentoring curie. at the time when their relationship was only mentor/apprentice and indeed adult/minor, there were no requited feelings from faraday.

"....then tore [the journal entry] out the next day, when i broke down and confessed my love with eyeball-rolling melodrama. [...] [scythe faraday], on the other hand, was a gentleman [...] and let me down as easily as he could." ― scythe curie, (page 347, scythe)

just to be thorough, here are several definitions of "let down." all links in sources.

convey bad or disappointing news in a considerate way, so as to spare the person's self-respect. ― idioms free dictionary

to try to give someone bad news in a way that does not upset them too much. ― macmillan dictionary

an unrelated expression is let someone down easy. this phrase refers to breaking up with someone in a relationship in such a way that they are not devastated of overly sad. ― writing explained

so it's clearly implied that faraday said no to her. after curie confesses her feelings, she describes what happen after that.

"i lived in [scythe faraday's] house, and remained his apprentice, for two more awkward months." ― scythe curie (page 347, scythe)

note that there is no mention of there ever being a romantic relationship between the two scythes during the remainder of the mentorship. this shows that no adult/minor predatory behaviour had occurred between the two scythes.

just to add on, some thoughts from my friend ref. ( @jam-is-my-food )

"if their romance took place when or anytime around when curie was his apprentice, yes. absolutely that would be a tilted power dynamic and uncomfortable and Not Good."

this, as well as the quotes, removes the "predatory" aspect of your concern. but that's just my opinion!!! you can still believe that is an unhealthy and wrong relationship. but personally i don't think the mentor/apprentice concern is a factor, since the romantic aspect took place much later.

2) the age gap during the years of their romantic relationship

there is a 5 year age gap between the two scythes. according to the wiki, at the start of scythe, curie is 219 years old, and faraday is 224. during scythe curie's explanation of her crush on faraday, she pinpoints their exact ages.

"i was seventeen and full of righteous indignation at a world that was still heaving in the throes of transformation." ― scythe curie (page 345, scythe)

"i was seventeen, remember. childish in so many ways. i thought myself in love." ― scythe curie (page 346, scythe)

"but at twenty-two, [scythe faraday] was just as inexperienced in such matters as i was." ― scythe curie, (page 346, scythe)

the five year age gap during the mentorship would have made it an adult/minor relationship, but as they grew older that simply isn't the case.

"then, nearly fifty years later, when we both had turned our first corner and were seeing the world through youthful eyes once more―but this time with the wisdom of age on our side―we became lovers." ― scythe curie (page 347, scythe)

they became romantically involved until fifty years had passed. which would put curie at around 67, and faraday at around 72. curie even outright says that they had "the wisdom of age on [their] side." this shows that curie believed that both parties were mature in their starting of a romantic connection.

here is some more input from ref. ( @/jam-is-my-food )

"and, adding on to [the earlier statement], if faraday was the one who had liked marie when she was his apprentice. even if a lot of years had passed, that would i think still make it inherently predatory and yikes.

but the thing is, that's not what happened. all that happened when she apprenticed for him was that marie had a crush on michael.

and he turned her down. because she was a kid. and that's the end of it."

this, i would say, addresses the general complaint of the age gap between the two. most often people believe that because faraday apprenticed curie that he was a lot older but that's not true. the gap is only 5 years. now that absolutely does not make their relationship "not predatory", but it does show that both parties were mature in their decisions.

3) after their romantic relationship + friendship

now this part is less technical than the others. this is mostly my opinions. but just to start off, i want to look at their relationship after the 7 deaths and 70 years.

your feeling of their relationship is that it is "manipulative and predatory". now i've never been in an unhealthy relationship before, but i don't believe this is one (please correct me if i'm wrong! i am not speaking from experience here and could easily make a mistake!).

out of everything, their treatment of one another after the romantic relationship stands out to me the most. personally if their romantic had been unhealthy in that sense, i don't believe they would have stayed friends as they did.

i had written an essay a while about curie and faraday together. if you could read it that would be great! however i'm linking my friend nisha's ( @genyyasafin ) reblog of it, as she adds in a small bit at the end about how faraday humanizes curie. [ here ] is the link.

as i was saying, i don't think this is a predatory and manipulative relationship simply from the way they act afterwards. they are described as old friends constantly, and that friendship seems natural, to me at least. now you could be saying that this is a manipulative relationship and neither of them notice, but i don't think that's true.

“seven deaths, and seventy years later, many things had changed. we remained old friends after that, but nothing more.” ― scythe curie (page 348, scythe)

"i have observed the rise and fall of the romantic relationship between [scythe curie and scythe faraday], as well as the many years of devoted friendship that has followed." ― the thunderhead (page 383, thunderhead)

these two show that even the thunderhead, which is an incredibly knowledgeable force, does not seem to be troubled by their relationship.

not to mention this quote:

"other scythes―the ones i'm friendly with―will call me marie." ― scythe curie (page 235, scythe)

and through that quote it is shown that both curie and faraday are comfortable around each other. this isn't every instance in the books, but the ones i found quickly.

"marie―scythe curie that is―...." ― scythe faraday (page 371, scythe)

"and you, marie." ― scythe faraday (page 383, thunderhead)

"where are you my dear marie?" ― (page 102, the toll)

i didn't add in any quotes where its the reverse and she calls him michael, because he never mentioned his policy for first-name-basis, but this shows how comfortable curie is around faraday. not to mention it is implied that curie and faraday talk often, as curie knows about an event that only faraday, citra, and rowan know about.

"didn't you already attend a family wedding?"

citra wondered how scythe curie knew that, but wasn't about to let herself be derailed. ― scythe curie - dialogue, citra terranova - narraration (page 231, scythe)

the comfort in which they speak to and reference one another suggests to me, at least, that there is not a manipulative intent or feeling in the relationship.

4) conclusion i suppose

if you read all the way here, then i applaud you for your dedication and i thank you very much. that seriously means so much to me.

to anon: this essay was a whole 1,429 words. i am so sorry. however i do disagree with your opinion but i hope i've voiced mine in a somewhat coherent manner. thank you so much for reading all this way!!!

5) sources:

scythe curie wiki

scythe faraday wiki

arc of a scythe - book one: scythe

arc of a scythe - book two: thunderhead

arc of a scythe - book three: the toll

let down - idioms by the free dictionary

let down - macmillan dictionary

let down - writing explained

[straighttohellbuddy]

i want to cry you gave me so much from my tired rambles i love htlgi universe and just. we love demon reader and ranboo with that almost matching chaotic energy, the friendship w big q and the passionate arguing w philza looking like a dad holding apart two screaming children, the third child just sitting to the side smugly bc He Knows What He Did. and then w/ wilbur and protecting the teenagers oh my god fucking DAMN i love you so much. also. the small side story for the universe you posted had me losing my shit. I LOVED IT. you know if you ever want to share more i’ll always love it 🥺-🐈‍⬛

I UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT

other thoughts I've had about these dumbass kids

- reader and tubbo are the Sharp Duo because of the reader, in the middle of of hypothetical, saying idly "I have sharp teeth and will protect ranboo" and tubbo piping up "I also have sharp teeth and will help protect ranboo!". (this spawns a plethora of fan made art on Redbubble with the quote "i have sharp teeth and will protect Ranboo", often accompanied by an image of his minecraft skin. It's like a club.) also I feel like a popular dsmp headcanon is that your character is c!tubbo's parent, but like, since you're barely on the server, it's more in the same way that mumza is canonically the God of Death and married to c!Philza.

- @.YourTwitter: EVERYONE SHUT UP IM TAGGED IN A DSMP FIC ON AO3 I OFFICIALLY HAVE PLANS FOR TONIGHT 🥰🥰🥰

- youre incredibly socially adaptable, which is why it takes Phil a while to properly connect with you, as you almost always match the energy of whoever is being The Most in the vc, but the first thing you say to him privately is that you're in awe of his consistency with his schedule and that he has impeccable vibes. but you hang out in the chat for a few of his streams and eventually join a vc just to chat with him and the two of you end up talking about how it's strange to see teenagers with so much fame and that you both wonder about the longterm effects of it, before you remind Phil that you've been on YouTube for 9 years now, and that you'd only been a year older than the bench trio when you were doing your first tour.

- Phil's whole view of you shifting not because of demon reasons, but because you've willingly put every part of you online since the age of 15, and realising that that's why you're Like That. But also that despite the way you gracefully leap from one foolish chaotic moment to another, the fact that you have no notable scandals apart from ghosting your friends 4 years ago, points to you actually being a master of manipulating your own public identity.

- then you say something about how if you had an OnlyFans you'd only sell feet pics and bath water and phil tries to reconcile the conflicting understandings he has of you as a person.

- reader was canonically friends with Dream before they were even friends with Corpse. I just wanted you all to remember that.

- also because I fuckin can: Reader at the 2021 MET gala paying homage to 1920s New York gangsters, wearing an impeccably tailored, chocolate brown pin stripe suit, matching fedora sitting atop your head at an angle, with a sheer, cream button down underneath, top few buttons undone. Over your shoulders you wear an oversized, mid-toned grey trench coat, that upon closer inspection, has a print of old newspaper articles. When the coat is removed, and you pose with the jacket slung over one shoulder as you're holding the collar, there's detailing on the back of the suit jacket done in exquisite black and red crystals that look like bullet wounds. A jewellers interpretation of brass knuckles that still look like fancy gold rings, black leather shoes, simple make-up, a prop cigar.

I definitely had more thoughts but it's almost 2am and I'm sleepy...... seriously tho I'd love to hear what thoughts/dynamics you wanna talk about,or that you want me to talk about,yanno??

I love you and I love that I can so easily springboard into thinking about this world thanks to a lot of your asks,,, I love it here

[forestofbeginnings]

while I do agree with what you’re saying about character’s sexualities needing to be explored rather than being seen as the easy option, having “just a few” LGBTQ+ characters means every LGBTQ+ player is SEVERELY restricted in terms of who they can choose to be with, ESPECIALLY since those few LGBTQ+ characters run the risk of falling into harmful stereotypes to make it “obvious” that they are those characters. it leaves a LOT of room for separation rather than inclusion, for distance between players and characters bc the player may not think the other characters are worth getting to know when those characters arent the “few” LGBTQ+ ones. as much as it is important to have the detailed representation, as a member of the LGBTQ+ myself, I am equally happy with stories going in depth on character’s sexualities as I am with them just being completely normalised. video games are pleasant, peaceful escapes for people, and as much as it would be “realistic” for them to experience some kind of discrimination or self hatred, I personally prefer the idea that in the world of the game, everyone is just fine with it, as they should be. that leaves room for discussion on why the real world ISNT like that already, how we can HELP it become that way by assisting in the normalisation of it, etc. this is in no way a direct argument against you, it’s solely my standpoint on the whole LGBTQ+ marriage options. I just think it should be a fair game to everyone, and no player should feel their options are limited based on their own sexuality and having just a few characters in the game who match that, instead of it being equal for everyone, if that makes sense

That's a very good point, thank you for sending this to add to the conversation! I'll try my best to respond to all the good points you make.

(my reply is very long and under the cut and includes a lot of my Opinions of queer rep in video games so here we go)

I know you're probably talking about Fire Emblem when you're talking about the severely limited LGBT+ options. And it does suck, I'm pretty lucky that I fell hard for one of the few bisexual offerings in FE3H (looks fondly at Mercedes). But on the other hand...my primary experience with LGBT+ rep are Bioware games, where everyone has their own distinct identity. In Dragon Age Inquisition, out of the romance options there's 1 straight woman, 3 straight males (albeit two are limited to elves/humans), 1 pansexual male, 1 bisexual female, 1 gay male, and 1 lesbian. And most of the writing does not focus on their identities. In a majority of the romances, the most you get is a "sorry, not interested" from a character if you're not what they're into. The only route with clear focus on sexuality is for the gay man, which is fantastically written (and is written by a gay man about his personal experiences so take that as you will). All of the other LGBT+ characters’ stories don’t focus on their sexuality at all and don’t face discrimination for it. 

The game isn't perfect (the writing for the lesbian is bad in the base game, just straight up bad), but it's what I think of when I say "everyone has an identity." No matter who you play, not all options are open to you. Doesn't matter if you're straight or LGBT+, your options are limited. And honestly, despite the more limited options...the impact that games like Fire Emblem and Dragon Age gave me are still things I remember fondly as a bi/ace woman. I loved Mercedes' romance in FE3H because she was specifically bisexual like me. I was absolutely giddy when Josephine's romance (the bi option in DAI) did not include a sex scene, which meant she could be asexual like me. And to me, I don't get as much excitement playing SoS or SDV. The girls like me because I'm the player. That's it. It’s not because they’re bisexual with their own identity, it’s because I’m the player. And it just reminds me of that quote from The Incredibles like "if everyone is super, nobody will be." Everyone is ""bisexual"" and...

I think when you talk about people not being interested in learning about other, non-LGBT+ characters, that's more a flaw in farming sims in general? Because you can't really...befriend a romance option. You can't learn their full story unless you're romancing them. Which, again, isn't a thing in Fire Emblem or Dragon Age. You can A support anyone in FE and it only becomes romantic if you choose to S support them. In Dragon Age, you learn a character's full story and learn about them regardless of romance. I don't think people will be less interested in knowing other characters...it's just if you don't want to romance them...you can't really know them? So why befriend a character if you can’t just be friends?

But I do really want to touch on the point you make on how LGBT+ romance doesn't need to be realistic and can be idealized. I 100% agree. Making it not a big deal and not put under a microscope helps it become normal. It's actually the kind of rep I prefer. I don’t like when huge deals are made about LGBT+ characters because it just accentuates that they’re different and ‘the other,’ rather than just another person that happens to not be heterosexual.

But literally the only romance-based video game I've played where a realistic struggle of an LGBT+ person is focused on is Dragon Age Inquisition. With the gay route I mentioned and touched on with a non-romancable trans man. Sexuality is not really spoken about in FE3H. Some characters are just...bisexual. Nothing more to it. Mercedes certainly doesn't say anything about it. She can just be romanced by both men and women. It is barely spoken about in Dragon Age games aside from character preference and Dorian's romance. In Dragon Age 2, one bisexual romance option mentions his first experience with a man. Another option is hesitant to date a female because of cultural reasons. That's it.

I do get your point. We don't need to include the realities of the world in our video games. But also...we're allowed to still acknowledge sexuality in video games. I joke about my bi/ace-ness all the time. Even in a perfect world of a farming sim...I'm pretty sure a character can make wisecracks about liking both men and women...or only men/women. Being bisexual always means some kind of discovery that you like more than one gender. Has this love interest dated someone of the same or opposite gender before? Will they tell me off-hand that I'm the first girl they dated? Will they express interest in a character of the opposite gender but can be romanced by a same-sex player? Representation doesn't need to be a sanitized thing completely removed from reality. Even in a completely perfect world where there is no such thing as discrimination against the LGBT+ community, we’re still allowed to speak about our sexualities. It’s a part of who we are. 

When I say I want specific representation, I don't want a realistic depiction of the current-day struggles our community faces. I just want a character to say something that makes me know that they're like me. That they're specifically bisexual or specifically pansexual or so on. That they have their own preferences and are their own character and aren't blindly into me because I'm the player.

I do get why you want representation to be equal across the board. It is the easy option and a simple thing to do. But I want quality over quantity. I don’t want a character to marry me because I’m the player. I want a character to marry me because they’re bisexual or pansexual or a lesbian or asexual with romantic preferences or so on and so forth. And the reason why I’m so passionate about this and want farming sims to go towards this direction is because I’ve seen it done in other genres! It can work! 

Inclusion of LGBT+ romance options does not have to be at the sacrifice of the identities of bisexual and pansexual individuals. And now I get off my soap box and drink some water because I just got my 2nd COVID vaccination.