#did anyone else have an obsession with that rp series??

[shiningstarlight101]

This question randomly started plagueing my mind. Do modern hermitcraft and traffick fans know? Do you guys know he was part of someone else's yandere high school rp?

Personally I used to watch that series all the time so that is straight up my first introduction to Grian 💀

[thesmpisonfire]

Q! Brazilians Background, Lore and Summary, as I could gather from Day One

Backstory:

Felps is at fault for crashing the boat, he didn't had a license for controlling the ship since he thought it was just like riding a bike

Pac, Mike and Cellbit already have a story together, Pac and Mike have been previously betrayed and saw friends die due to Cellbit's fault

Pac and Mike are a Duo, Do Not Separate

Cellbit and Felps have been friends for ages

Pac and Mike have a backstory when dealing with Herobrine, coming from an old rp series called "Herobrine: The Legend", where they started getting haunted by Herobrine at age 14, managed to banish it around their 17s, and then it came back to haunt them when they were 19, and its still around

Forever had a lover, Brunim, that looks eerily similar to Phil and it's the reason Forever is obsessed with Phil and took such a hit when Phil kept pushing him away

Q!Characters server lore and summary:

Forever has brought weed with him in the boat, and made a deal with Quackity to create a prison, lock up everyone, and get rich with a drug empire

Later, all Brazilians agreed to make a mafia without anyone else knowing

When Richarlyson was adopted, first thing they all did was teach him how to steal quick and then how to kill. That diamond sword of his is crazy

Forever didn't care much for Richarlyson at first, leaving him with the other 4

He went after Philza, finding him with Tallulah, Chayenne, Dapper and BBH. He and Phil fought when Phil offered to help him build a home, when Forever wanted to live with him

Forever then said he didn't want Philza as his sugar daddy anymore, and left their place crying

He then decided he'd build a prison and lock up Phil to force Phil to love him

Forever got tricked by Quackity at first into believing Tallulah was Q's child and that Phil had kidnapped her and vowed to help

Later, when Cellbit went find Forever, Quackity tried to convince him of the same. Cellbit talked to BBH and made a deal to get some itens or else he'd help Quackity get Tallulah, BBH payed him

Quackity and Cellbit fought, Quackity started berating all the eggs, and Cellbit stepped in when Quackity talked about Richas, saying Q only hated the eggs because he had none

Quackity jumped off the wall, and so Cellbit felt guilty and offered 1% of Richas' paternity to Q, who accepted

Meanwhile, Pac, Mike and Felps were almost dying to a LOT of mobs while trying to find a place to settle. Richas was honestly the MVP here bc he defended all 3 of them when they barely had armor and weapons

(Between these two things happening, Forever was trying to find Pac, Mike and Felps)

They regrouped and everyone grumpily accepted Q as one of Richarlyson's dad, they had settles over a couple of mounts and decided they'd build a big house complex on the hillside (A favela)

Suddenly, they saw a white man walking around and Richarlyson had disappeared. Out Of Character, what happened was that the mod Richas' admin was using crashed and he stopped looking like an egg, but Quackity managed to save it lore wise by saying it was Osito Bimbo/Cucurucho that had kidnapped Richas so everyone went with that as well

Richarlyson showed up fine couple mins later

While everyone went out to gather wood and food, Cellbit went with Richas to mine

As they were digging down, Richas fell into a cave, with Cellbit immediately jumping for him and managing to kill some mobs and get Richas out of there

He told Richas to not tell his other dads that they fell into the cave, but else they went down carefully

Cellbit met Felps building, and got him to go down with him and Richarlyson to the cave

This is when Richas died

Cellbit immediately held Felps to make up a lie to make up for their failure. They settled in saying a "Cloaked figure with white eyes, probably a Necromancer, invoked tens of Skeletons that killed them and Richas", hoping to take advantage of Pac and Mike's trauma with Herobrine to be believed

Cellbit's plan worked when Pac immediately asked if it was Herobrine who took Richas' life, but when Q overheard the talk he said it was probably Cucurucho again who killed the egg

After this, things became more chill with Richas. He stayed with Mike building their favela while Pac and Cellbit went down to mine

Here is when the things get a bit more freaky, Pac and Cellbit went all the way down to bedrock and found a weird, man-made cave system, lightened up with torches. It didn't seem like strip mining, since there were literally no holes in the walls that would indicate that an ore was mined out

They kept exploring and ended up lost and had to dig their way up

All the time they joked it was Cucurucho's tunnels and he was going to be upset with them

Meanwhile, Forever got back worried for Richas' death, and so he stuck around to help protect him

Felps, Mike and Forever made a farm, and also a bed for Richarlyson, plus Mike had made a canvas and painted Richas a nice painting of him :)

Someone trapped a chest they had next to the farm, someone they just saw a glimpse of, and when Felps opened the chest, it exploded and killed him

Time passed and soon BBH came by to see how they were, he then noticed Osito Bimbo watching them and Forever and Cellbit chased him down, since he started running. Cellbit got distracted by BBH calling him and Forever kept chasing

BBH warned that Richas was too vulnerable by sleeping in the living room since people could just kill him when they weren't looking

So, naturally, they build a secret room behind a wall and locked Richarlyson in there with stone since they had no means to build a fancy door

Cellbit then talked to BBH in private, since BBH had similar characteristics as the Necromancer Cellbit had made up (white eyes, cloak) and asked BBH to pretend to be the Necromancer to help him out

BBH agreed

They finally managed to build a security door, locking Richarlyson in there (it's NOT a captivity room) and then covering the door with a painting

They all logged out after that

Richarlyson got his life back since it was his first day

[goddessxoflight]

SHIPPING INFO. answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

what’s your OTP for your muse(s)?

Considering my Palutena is a canon-divergent version of herself from the Kid Icarus series, I did a lot of creative liberty to her backstory. So to those who are aware, I ship Palutena with Icarus, the son of Daedalus who drowned from getting too close to the sun. It's a tragic tale that left Palutena with a lot of loss trauma. I also ship her with @ikarosxflight's Pit considering his ties to Icarus. But if anyone else can (and is willing to) thaw her icy heart, then you know I'd ship it hard!! lol

what are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

I don't have a lot of triggers and those that I do have, I can differentiate between story telling and real life. Basically, what I mean to say is that if there is chemistry, I can make it work!

my partner would need to realize that things could get super dark, if my partner is willing to allow it to be. Palutena is a force to be reckoned with. She is manipulative and doesn't fall for someone easily, and will most likely use them for her own benefit rather than seeking out a romantic partner. It would have to take a resilient person for her to want to open her heart to them.

What I mean to say is, I'd want to ship with someone who understands this and is willing to write a toxic one-sided love story, or is willing to try and save her. (like jfc give me a Tohru Honda!! Palutena would buckle so hard lol)

how large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

Anyone Palutena would be interested in would have to be an adult well over the age of 18-- maybe even 25. She's thousands of years old, I promise she will not be looking at a 16 year old, lol. She's too mature to want to dabble with a child.

are you selective when shipping?

I am, but also... I'm not, if that makes sense, lol. So long as someone can show that they can have chemistry with Palutena, I can find a way to make it work! Though the person would have to understand that Pit would always come first, no matter what. It would be a tragic and angsty plot point in their love story, especially if they find out that Palutena is just using them for personal gain.

I'd want to discuss with my partner, but I'd like to write together beforehand, establish a plot, and then see if there is a connection both in writing and ooc.

how far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

Once hands start to explore and kisses become.... deeper, then I'd ask my partner if we could move the rp to discord or DM's, because it'd be obvious that the plot was about to take a mature turn and I'm a shy bean when I think about other people reading the nasty bits. Unless we both agree that our muses will be interrupted by something, then we can stick to tumblr!

does one have to ask to ship with you?

I wouldn't mind it at all! By all means, come to me and ask! I'd love to discuss something. But also, if it happens naturally too, I'm also okay with that. But given Palutena's nature, I definitely feel like it'd have to be something we discuss beforehand so we're both in an agreeance with how things will go.

how often do you like to ship?

With other muses, I'm a shipping whore! Love a good filthy romance and always looking for an excuse to write fluffy goodness and smut. For Palutena though, it's a little harder. I've only ever written shipping stuff with Dae's Pit, and that's only cause our muses have a lot of history together.

are you multiship?

I am! Palutena has lived for years. I can either make it that their relationship is just a blip in the long timeline of her life so I could make it canon to her story, or can make it an alternate universe that doesn't corelate with another ship I'm having with someone else. It really does depend on who I'm writing with and what we agree on, and if shipping with that person can change the trajectory of her story in an interesting way.

are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

....... I am ship obsessed, I admit. But I'd never force it down someone's throat, even if I thought our muses could work well together!! If my partner says no, I will back off so fast!

what is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

none, tbh;;;

finally, how does one ship with you?

Just vibe with me. Talk to me, poke at me and bother me, make friends with me! I'm friendly! lol If you keep talking about our muses and the possibilities that can happen between them, I will eat that shit up!

Tagged by: @piousolus!

Tagging: Anyone who wants to participate!

[praeteritus-memories-muses]

Name: Ai Hoshino

Series: Oshi No Ko

Continuity: Anime

Age: 16-20 (RP dependent)

Height: 4'11"

Birthday: January

Birthplace: Japan

Orientation: Heterosexual

Species: Human

Occupation: Idol from B-Komachi

Children: Aquamarine and Ruby Hoshino

Bio:

TRIGGER WARNING: CHILD ABUSE AND STALKERS

Famous idol from B-Komachi, Ai Hoshino, started out in the worst circumstances for a child. She never knew her father and her mother was extremely physically abusive towards her, this would result in Ai never knowing what love actually is.

Ai would eventually be taken away from her mother for a separate crime she committed and sent to a group home until her mother was released from prison, but years later her mother would be released and she chose to give up legal custody of her. The next few years, Ai would live in this group home without any love until she was scouted by an agent at 12.

Although she was reluctant at first, she agreed to become the lead singer of B-Komachi in hopes that someday all the lies of love that she tells her fans will someday be true and she'll get to know what love feels like.

Yet Ai did not start out as the dedicated and perfected image of a true idol and celebrity. She was originally sloppy and unprofessional behind the scenes, until she met Hikaru Kamiki while taking acting lessons at the Lala Lai Theater Company. Ai believed she might've experienced love for the first time because of how much he helped her become the confident yet secretive woman she is today, but soon that 'love' had faded. They mutually broke up a few months later, but Ai found herself pregnant at sixteen, with Hikaru as the father.

Although she was urged by her manager to terminate her pregnancy and even Hikaru, Ai chose instead to keep her baby, not knowing she was carrying twins, where it was decided she would publicly announce she was ill while she would live in a quiet countryside village until her child was born.

There she met a kind doctor who told her she was having twins, as well as reassuring her that she was safe here and he would do everything to ensure she had healthy babies. Ai would befriend this doctor for the next few months of her pregnancy, hiding out from the public in this hospital to prevent herself from being recognized, and she felt glad to know there were kind people like him in the world instead of someone shaming her for getting pregnant so young.

On a chilly Winter evening, Ai went into labor but the doctor was nowhere to be found. The staff had to help Ai together to give birth to the twins, while her nor anyone else knew what happened to him. What she doesn't know is the doctor died trying to scare off an obsessive fan who was stalking her and planning to kill her for becoming pregnant.

In fact, in a twist of events, that doctor and her biggest fan were reincarnated as her children that she named Aquamarine and Ruby. Many would question Ai's strange naming conventions but she loved knowing her children had unique names.

Raising her twins in secret, Ai is an extremely loving mother towards them and she can finally say she knows what love feels like because of her children. Though she has never told her children she loves them, because she has never said "I love you" and meant it, she deeply loves them more than life itself and would gladly sacrifice her life for them in countless lifetimes.

Although Ai is hardworking and dedicated, yet sometimes that vulnerable and rough side of her personality still leaks through her lies. Although she frequently lies to her fans that she loves them or even staff, she believes lying is a form of love. After all, if you lie enough doesn't it eventually become the truth?

[cynical-harlequin]

3, 5, 12, and 30 for the ao3 ask game!

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

the stories we tell ourselves a Jiang Cheng & Jiang Yanli wartime exploration about the different kinds of strength and sacrifice, and comforting lies.

I also struggled so much with this not for the writing itself but because I needed details about troop movements/frontier development and pinpoint their locations at certain specific dates, something which MDZS is very sparse on. It was an absolute ordeal that nearly had me ragequit the entire fic several times, so I'm very proud of having persevered.

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

musts and the entire wants & needs series, really. I set out to write purely self-indulgent A/B/O fluff and smut, I didn't write this to appeal to anyone else, so it was a wonderful surprise that each installment in the series received so much feedback.

12. How many WIP's do you have in your docs for next year?

Actual WIPs I have Lingchi and entrapped harmony, but I also have plans for the next installment of wants & needs which I have been talking about starting literally since March (I did start a prequel at some point but that petered out). There are also some other fics to which I want to write sequels, such as the WWX & Madam Yu-centric second installment to The Lotus-Wrapped Promise I've been talking about since 2021.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

Honestly, a) that I'm still so single-mindedly obsessed with writing Chengxian (inconvenient as this is for my ambitions to write for my other favorite canons) and b) that people still want to read my fics. Back when I wrote mostly for multifandom exchanges and RP, I had such a wide range of canons/characters/ships I'd jump between, I feel very much like a one-trick pony in these past years.

[bonesandthebees]

so moral debates aside, can we just talk about how well written c!quackity is as a character?? like watching the latest lore stream... holy shit

/rp

since the first big cinematic lore stream from quackity, we have seen quackity descend deeper and deeper into his obsession with gaining power, and it's all presented in such a logical fashion too even though it wasn't necessarily chronological

the first of the big cinematic lore streams we had from quackity showed us the start of quackity torturing dream. as viewers, this feels a little shocking to us because up until this point, while we knew quackity was power hungry, he was still largely seen as a comedic character with some serious moments. but now, we watch him manipulate sam into letting him torture dream in the prison, and see just how far he's willing to go to get what he needs. from a writing standpoint, this succession of events is brilliant because while it still surprises the viewers to see quackity go this far, it's also not completely unbelievable. up until this point, we know that quackity is willing to go the distance to get what he wants, and we know that as time has gone on he's become more and more cynical and uncaring. too often, trying to pull dramatic twists with a character suddenly doing something very dark and unexpected falls flat because it comes out of left field completely, and it doesn't feel in character at all. but for quackity, it still feels in character, a logical progression of character development after everything that's happened to him up to this point. it's consistent.

the second lore stream we got in the series backs it up a bit, and explains more what exactly happened to let us get to this point. we see quackity a few days before his first torture visit, when he tries to convince sam to kill dream. the time in which this happens is when tommy is still believed to be dead, and you understand the anger and frustration quackity is likely feeling, while still recognizing the chance to manipulate sam's own anger at himself to help quackity's goals. while the attempt fails in the end and sam doesn't let quackity kill dream, it sets the scene for the chronological event we saw in the previous lore stream.

quackity, already angry at dream for what he did to tommy, then made a bet with schlatt to get the revive book, which gave him another reason to get into the prison and take out his rage on dream. and sam, who is still beating himself up and who quackity has already started to manipulate, preys on his self-hate once again to convince him not to kill dream this time, but to torture him to get the information they need out of him.

back to the flashbacks in the second lore stream, we also see quackity learning about kinoko kingdom, and realizing that the people closest to him forgot about him. he loses the last real connections he has with others, and he fully commits to the idea that he can't trust anyone, and that caring about others only leads to pain. manipulation is the only way to get people to do what you need. quackity later visiting wilbur's grave to tell him that he understands what he meant about power now only solidifies this.

without the flashbacks in the second lore stream, the events of the first lore stream are shocking and dramatic but don't seem out of character. with the second lore stream, all the puzzle pieces fall into place of just how they came to that point.

then we get to the most recent lore stream. we see the culmination of everything that's happened so far and how that's affected quackity. how he's closed himself off to any real connections after the kinoko kingdom betrayal, how he only sees people as pawns now. he's cold, harsh, and uses his words to go for the throat with anyone he talks to. after month's of violence, loneliness, and focusing solely on getting power, quackity has completely committed himself to his goals because he has nothing else left at this point. he doesn't care how wrong his actions are because he sees this as the only possible way to get what he wants.

just... I admire cc!quackity's writing of c!quackity so much, it's such a well-written villain arc and I can't wait to see where he goes from here

[kaaras-adaar]

Comfort Character Challenge ; .

tagged by: @ellana-lavellan-rp tagging: @ravusnightblossom @sunlilted @aylenlavellan @dragonagedmage @theharellan​ @not-born-heroes​ and anyone else! Tag me so I can see!

I guess the gist of this is you have to do three gifs of your comfort characters. Here are mine :D

1. Ellen Ripley (Aliens franchise)

I guess this might seem a weird ‘comfort’ character, but the Alien series is the reason I drew so much as a child. I was OBSESSED with space and aliens, any chance I could draw aliens or write up projects inspired by aliens, I would. I may not draw or write much Alien stuff now, but I have consumed as much Aliens content as possible over the years. Books, games, movies, comics. I have a signed book from H.R Giger (altho it’s a print I think?). I just love the world, the series, and Ripley is a hero to me. I ADORE Sigourney Weaver to absolute pieces. If I could ever meet her in RL, I think I would just stand there gawking like an idiot. I just love her, also her voice is amazing (which is why, ofc, she’s Kaaras’ mother’s VC >.>). 

2. Simba (The Lion King)

The Lion King is my all time favourite Disney movie. I... wouldn’t consider Simba my favourite LK character, I actually love Mufasa, Scar, Shenzi and Zira more... but as a kid, that Nintendo game... I legit just got it for Switch and completed the whole game for the FIRST time in my life because it was SO HARD as a kid (because there was no save feature on the SNES). This is the first movie I remember seeing in theatres, and I would have been near 4 years old, and I remember my dad took us (which he didn’t do a lot), and my sister crying when Mufasa died. It’s one of those childhood memories I’ll always have, and I LOVE The Lion King 1 and 2. Also, I’m 100% convinced I’m a furry because of Kovu, so... there’s that LOL. 

3. Megatron (Transformers) 

I mean, of course Magatron is making the list. I’ve always been split between Megatron and Shockwave because they’re my all time fave TF characters ,but the WORLD I had built around this mech... Most of my late teen/early 20′s was writing and world building Megatron. Transformers got me back into writing, and BOY did I write. My TF series (which sadly went unfinished) was over... probably more than 200 chapters over the course of... 4-5? series or something? I don’t know, all I know is that it’s the longest series I’ve ever written, with multiple parts, and I was SO consumed by it that it became my whole life for a solid 4-5 years lol. And I loved it. I met so many amazing people in that fandom, it’s just a shame that the place became so damn toxic, because writing Megatron was an absolute PASSION of mine, not to mention all the art and smut I did. 

This series made me discover a lot about myself as a person but also as an artist as well. I really, really miss Transformers. I have... so many comics, so many figurines, I have so much art and so many fics, not to mention ficlets. God, I would love to find the passion and drive to continue my story, but most of the friends I made there left (for the same reasons as I did), and I’m afraid it just wouldn’t be the same. You can pretty much thank this fandom for the writer I am today, though. I learned so much. 

[ieatmypizzawithaforkandknife]

MAG 020 - Desecrated Host (part 2)

Summary: Jonathan reads the second half of the statement of Father Edwin Burroughs, regarding “his claimed demonic possession.”

I’d like to propose an alternate title for this one: “Bartleby”. I couldn’t help but see the parallel between Bartleby the Scrivener’s “I would prefer not to” and Father Burroughs saying, “seeing those bound corpses before me, I made the decision to take no action ever again.” Ah, Burroughs! Ah, humanity!

I mentioned in my last post that this episode was very heavy in the “altered reality” theme. I’d like to amend that: this entire episode was one long, terrifying fever dream. I’ve never been high but I think this might be what a bad trip feels like.

Jonny Sims et al. really outdid themselves on this one though, in both the writing and the performance. So many episodes really suck you in (not literally, fortunately - we’re luckier than some of the characters that way) and grip you ’til the very end. But this was one of the best so far for that. We get more than standard descriptions of things - we get things like that small, whispered “it was bright...so bright” in Father Burroughs’ description of the “church” and the resounding, gonging bell sound accompanying the bell-speech Father Burroughs hears. You can almost feel his throbbing head and blurring vision, and at times it just feels so real.

But it wasn’t. At least, not in the way that we like to think of reality. Whatever an outside observer might have seen that night, this statement was Father Burroughs’ reality. We do know that at least some of this episode was real in the normal sense of the word though. There are snippets, like Father Singh’s reaction to seeing Father Burroughs in the small chapel, and Father Burroughs later seeing Father Singh in the hallway, that seem like they were part of objective reality. Was this slip between reality and the illusion just so that we, the audience, knew that it wasn’t real? Or was it because whatever was affecting him couldn’t keep an airtight grip on his senses? I’d like for it to be the latter, but I’m worried that’s not the case. I do not like how powerful this thing seems to be.

During the “confession”, “Father Singh” recounted all of Father Burroughs’ past sins...so this thing either actually knew about all of those events, or it made Father Burroughs imagine that “Father Singh” was naming all of his sins (a la the psychic paper in Doctor Who). Also disturbing was the detail about its accent during the “confession” - it had “a crisp and clipped RP accent”, as opposed to Father Singh’s Indian one. The change in accent made it obvious for us that it was not Father Singh speaking, but otherwise it just makes no sense to me. Was it unable to imitate Father Singh’s accent for some reason? That might fit if it’s the same thing that spoke in a “low, grating voice” to Laura Popham in episode 15. But those are the only two times (that I recall) that the person making the statement has noted a change in the person’s voice when that static appears.

There are two possibilities I’m seeing for how this thing operates. Either it’s little more than an illusionist, or it can actually alter reality itself. The first would certainly be easier to deal with, but I’m leaning towards the latter. My main reason for thinking that is not strictly things seen in this episode, but more how things in this episode seem to relate to things in the rest of the season so far. We hear that recurring creepy static/interference twice in this episode, once when Father Burroughs reads Genesis 4:14 (after opening his Bible to Luke, no less) and once when “Father Singh” says, “Spiritual pride that has led to quite a fall.” And of course we have another appearance of creepy eyes: “the church’s large round window shifted as I watched, as though it were a tremendous eye that were turning to focus upon me.” The eye and the staticky voice tie these events to many others from the first half of this season, including a few times when reality itself seems to have been affected, rather than just people’s perception of it.

There were two Bible passages referenced in this episode. The second was Mark 9:14-19, which appears to be a pretty straightforward reference to Father Burroughs’ situation, as that passage tells the story of a boy “who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech” (NIV). But the first, as mentioned in the paragraph above, was Genesis 4:14: “Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the Earth, and from they face shall I be hid. And I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the Earth, and it shall come to pass that everyone that findeth me shall slay me.” And the writing around it seemed to swirl and was “obscured by dark stains”. This is obviously significant, given the static and the unexplained stains and the fact that this verse is actually quoted in the text (unlike the passage from Mark also in this episode, which was referenced but not quoted). But I can’t figure out the significance of this verse. Cain says the text of this verse to God after God banishes him for killing Abel. Cain is more or less saying that his punishment is too much to bear and that he fears for his life, presumably from others who will surely be angry about him killing Abel. The only possible parallel I can see between Cain and Father Burroughs is that they’re both cut off from God. If there’s anything more to this verse, I’m not getting it.

I’ve also been wondering about the various figures Father Burroughs sees throughout this hallucination. He sees shadowy figures along the street that “were always gone when I approached” - and then there were the parishioners in the pews at the “service”. Were the shadow figures the parishioners? Or were the shadow figures actual, real people, and his inability to reach them just a reflection of how trapped in this hallucination he was? And why did the parishioners come and go like that? Why were they leaving before the “service” was over? If they were real people then I think they had to have been members of the People’s Church of the Divine Host (episode 9). I just feel like there was something else going on at the “service” that Father Burroughs wasn’t privy to.

At the end of the episode, Jonathan calls attention to the man who met Father Burroughs at the Oratory door: “the altar server he described seems out of place with most of his other delusions, in that he appeared to have active agency.” We aren’t given much of a description of the “altar server” - he is tall, pale, and has thin, bony arms. None of that rings any particular bells (haha) to me, but I guess I’ll be on the lookout for a tall, pale guy with thin, bony arms. *shrugs*

“Cause of death was listed as blood loss from multiple lacerations all over their legs and torso, as well as removal of both their faces with a sharp blade, possibly a scalpel.” However, no tools or weapons were found at the scene, and “at no point did he perform any actions that might be analogous with the binding and actual murder of the students,” leading Jonathan to believe a second person was there. HMMM. I WONDER WHO THAT COULD HAVE BEEN.

The cause of death is very unusual, though, when you consider it from a real-world standpoint. It’s pretty easy to die of blood loss if, say, your carotid or jugular is cut. But lacerations on the legs and torso? Those lacerations would have to be extensive to cause fatal blood loss. It just doesn’t sit right with me - and it reminds me of another death we heard about previously. In episode 8, Ivo Lensik says his father was found dead in his study “with deep gouges along his wrists and arms”, and the coroner couldn’t identify the tool used on his arms. Robert Montauk (episode 9) also bled out, but that was after being stabbed 47 times, so it’s similar but not quite the same. The common threads I’m seeing in all three deaths are (a) cause of death being blood loss and (b) the idea that someone committed the murder who was not known to be there at the time.

Coincidentally, Father Burroughs was imprisoned at Wakefield Prison, the same place where Robert Montauk died a few years prior. I thought something might be up with that prison, so I did a quick search and apparently it’s a high-security prison for those who’ve committed crimes such as murder, rape, armed robbery, and kidnapping (Wikipedia). So there may not be any kind of supernatural connection there, but now I’m wondering if we’re going to get statements from or about anyone else in that prison.

One last observation. The sickly yellow color seen so many times in episode 18 made two appearances in this episode. Father Burroughs describes the parishioners at the “service” as having “fevered, jaundiced yellow” skin, and the stole that Mystery Altar Server gave Father Burroughs was “a pale, sickly yellow.” Oh, and that stole from Father Burroughs’ fever dream? An identical real one was delivered to the Oratory a few days prior to these events by Breekon and Hope Deliveries. And it must have been one of their last deliveries, since they liquidated some time in 2009, the year these events occurred.

Curiouser and curiouser...

This post is part of a series where I write my thoughts about each episode and obsessively connect dots in an effort to figure out The Big Mysteries of the series. All posts in this series are tagged “is this liveblogging?” Comments and messages are welcome but I have only listened to season 1, so I ask that you not spoil me for anything beyond episode 40. In the words of Jonny Sims…thanks for listening!

[maos2013]

Get to Know Me Tag!

I was tagged by @justanalto

Name/Nickname: Ashley, Ash

Gender: female

Star Sign: Virgo

Height: 5′6.5″ (I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again - the .5″ is important.)

Time: 6:55 PM

Birthday: September 15

Favorite Bands: Paramore, The Head and the Heart, Panic! At the Disco, The Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton (does this count? Idk, but I’m listing it anyway)

Favorite Solo Artists: Taylor Swift, Lizzo, and I’m sure there are more, but my brain is empty. 

Song Stuck In My Head: “happiness” by Taylor Swift

Last Movie: Holidate it was cute!! And I watched with friends, so even better!

Last Show: The 100. I am possibly a little obsessed.

When Did I Create This Blog: sometime in 2017? I think? Maybe late 2016? Idek.

What I Post: memes, fandom content, cute animals, whatever strikes my fancy.

Last Thing I Googled: samsung galaxy book comparisons (waiting on that stimulus check to hit my bank account so I can finally get a new computer lol)

Other blogs: @theofficialagentdavis though I don’t think any of us have been active on our RP accounts in a while. Could be wrong though.

Following: 1043. Um. Wow. Had no idea it was that many.

Followers: 348 of y’all really like my random assortment of content and ramblings huh? Alright. Maybe, I am doing something right then.

Average hours of sleep: ok, listen. The average makes me look pretty sane, ok? It is almost always either 4-5 or 10-12 with very little in between. Don’t come for me.

Lucky number: Is that a real thing? I dunno. 

Instruments: I played the trumpet very poorly in middle and high school. TBH, band got me out of working on Friday nights since I had to go to all the football games, sooo. Sit outside with my friends for a few hours each Friday or work at KFC/Taco Bell? The choice was easy for me.

What I Am Wearing: a pair of comfy shorts that I’ve owned for way too many years, and free t-shirt from my dentist’s office

Dream Job: stay-at-home dog-mom

Dream Trip: go to London/ Paris with my bestie. We’ve been trying to plan/ schedule this for almost 2 years and it hasn’t happened yet for a variety of reasons.

Favorite Food: Italian!! My dad is part Italian and when h cooks from scratch it is so good!!

Nationality: From the US. More specifically, I’m from the deep South, y’all. Don’t hold it against me. ;)

Favorite Song: depends on the day. But today, I listened to “champagne problems” and “happiness” by Taylor Swift on repeat while I was out and about running errands.

Last Book I Read: I think it was P.S. I Still Love You by Jenny Han. 

Top 3 Fictional Universes I’d Like To Live In: Probably His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman - I’ve always wondered what form my daemon would take. Then of course Harry Potter (but like @justanalto said, without the JKR bullshit.). And finally the Inheritance series by Christopher Paolini - I just want a dragon, ok? Don’t remind me that I’m afraid of heights, it’s fine.

tagging: @browneyedgenius @aleksandrachaev @sapphicsgaia @immhungry @queen-of-love-and-beauty @ussjellyfish or anyone else who might want to participate. :)

[molsno]

Now that Neo Danganronpa 56 is over, I can FINALLY post about my mastermind: Kyra Acker, the Ultimate Neuroscientist. There’s a long recap about her and the killing game below the cut. Content warnings for murder and suffocation.

Nero Tamochi promised Kyra she would be able to continue Danganronpa and become an Ultimate Despair worthy of rivaling Junko Enoshima. So she took up an offer his sister, Vivian Tamochi, the Ultimate Programmer, made to collaborate on a virtual reality program that interfaced directly with the human brain. Of course, Kyra intended on betraying Vivian by using it to use the program to continue Danganronpa.

After Nero Tamochi used the other members of Ultimate Despair, the members of Kyra’s class, Class 2, to initiate a real-world Tragedy like what was seen in the original Danganronpa games by dropping a nuclear bomb on Hope’s Peak, he and the rest of his class, Class 3, were transported to an island for protection. Little did Hope’s Peak know that Nero Tamochi was the one behind it all. After a year on the island, he started Neo Danganronpa 54.

Kyra was furious. All of the other members of Ultimate Despair knew about Nero’s plans, and they didn’t tell her about them. So unbeknownst to them, she defected, joining the Future Foundation, which was founded to stop the Tragedy. Of course, she intended to betray the Future Foundation as well. She was hellbent on continuing Danganronpa, and even if her game couldn’t be first, then at least it would be the best. Seeing the pathetic excuse for a killing game that 54 was, she was determined to make her game even better.

Then, unexpectedly, another killing game started only a month after 54. This time it was run by a billionaire named Jacques Hughes, who had found the members of Class 4, who were thought to have died in the bombing of Hope’s Peak, and forced them into a killing game for two reasons:

For the entertainment of a world obsessed with despair.

As a birthday gift to his sickly daughter Antimony, who he had cloned over and over and performed multiple biological experiments on to stop her from dying every few years.

After Hughes abandoned 55 and fled in a helicopter when Vivian and the others refused to vote and demanded to see him face the consequences of his crimes, Kyra was even more furious to see the franchise she was so desperate to revive made a mockery of. The Future Foundation rescued the survivors shortly after, and Kyra worked closely with them to help them recover their lost memories. After some time, Hughes was located and brought into Future Foundation custody, and so were his daughter and all of his employees.

Shortly after, the Future Foundation began tracking down the Remnants of Despair and taking them into custody. The Future Foundation president, Isaac Stoke, wanted to put them all to death for their heinous crimes, but Vivian convinced him to let them undergo rehabilitation. At first she suggested using the program she and Kyra developed, but he refused, only allowing it as a last resort in case normal rehabilitation failed. He wanted nothing more than to prevent another Danganronpa from occurring.

So, each of the Remnants met with Kyra, who secretly erased their memories of her involvement with them before assigning them a therapist to treat them. It took nearly 6 months of therapy nearly around the clock for all of them to be fully recovered. Once they were, the program was no longer needed, so it was stored away in a room that only Vivian and Kyra had access to.

Kyra began making changes to the program in order to set it up for the killing game. After all her preparations were complete, she put them all in the program in the middle of the night. There were just two exceptions:

She put Antimony in the program.

She brought Hughes into the room as well, tied up and unable to move.

She had several goals with the killing game. First, she wanted to use it to kill all of the Remnants of Despair, who had betrayed her and caused a horrific Tragedy to occur all over the world. To do this, she would manipulate Cara, who was the most obsessed with Nero, into committing a gruesome murder of someone she was close to, by making her remember Nero in the 5th chapter. Then, she would be waiting in the general manager’s office after Cara emerged from the elevator, and murder her. Due to the spikes she implanted in the simulation pods that would penetrate the user’s skull upon death in the program, their death in the real world could be guaranteed. Unfortunately for her, the other students figured out that Cara was the culprit, and so Kyra lost her last opportunity to kill them all.

Her second goal was to kill Hughes and Antimony, keeping the blood off her hands the whole time. Hughes’ death was understandable. She knew Antimony was innocent, however. To her, the fact that she had been cloned over and over was unethical. She had previously destroyed all of her remaining clones, leaving only this one alive. She thought it was ethical to end Antimony’s suffering once and for all.

To achieve this, she gave Antimony a note to meet her in the break room, then used the secret slide in her restroom into the general manger’s office, and logged out of the program. Due to the way the program worked, her avatar was still in the general manager’s office, completely immobile without a consciousness being uploaded into it. She forced Hughes into her simulation pod, who found himself in her avatar in the program. He exited the general manager’s office, dazed and confused. Antimony, who believed only the mastermind had access to the general manager’s office, murdered who she thought was Kyra by suffocating her to death, but little did she know it was actually her own father. The spikes in the pod penetrated his skull, killing him for good.

The other students found Kyra’s body and naturally assumed that she had become the first victim of the killing game. In a tearful class trial, they voted for Antimony, who was executed by Monokuma.

Kyra dragged Hughes’ body out of the pod and logged back in. Due to the time dilation within the program, about 12 times more time had passed than in the real world. Fast forward 24 days within the program, and only 2 days have passed in the real world. The 6 remaining students found many interesting things in their investigation of the program. Most notably, they found out that Kyra was scouted as the Ultimate Neuroscientist. She had lied to all of them and claimed to be the Ultimate Chemist so that it would not be immediately obvious that she was the mastermind when they found out that it was a simulation that interfaced directly with their brains. Moreover, they found that she didn’t have a file documenting what she did as a Remnant of Despair. Among other evidence, it became very evident that she was the mastermind all along.

Kyra revealed herself in the final class trial, and revealed the truth behind their voting options. If they chose to Graduate, then Faust’s (one of the players, long story) personality and memories would be overwritten by nothing, effectively turning him into a vegetable in the real world. If they chose the Future Foundation’s other method, to simply log out of the program, then at the end of the broadcast, the source code and everything else needed to run the program would be aired all over the world, effectively allowing Danganronpa to continue forever.

Vivian and the other two Future Foundation members found a solution. Because of the time dilation within the program, only two days had passed in the broadcast. They had several weeks to find out how the killing game was being broadcast and shut it down.

Kyra panicked. If that happened, everything she’s worked for would go to waste. Even worse, Vivian and the others told her she was nothing more than a pawn for Nero. She did exactly what he wanted her to do. All this time, Kyra truly believed she was doing this for herself. She didn’t side with Nero or the Remnants of Despair or the Future Foundation or anyone. But in the end, she was just another victim of Nero’s manipulation. Rather than face the truth and see all of her hard work go to waste, she executed herself. She would rather die than admit that she was used. Of course, she wouldn’t actually die in the real world. The spikes in her pod were already used on Hughes, and were firmly lodged in his skull. She would simply be comatose for a while instead, but that didn’t matter to her. She couldn’t accept defeat.

Kyra has become one of my favorite characters over the past year that I’ve been planning this killing game. She did many unforgivable, downright evil things. But she, like everyone else in this series, was a victim of Nero Tamochi. She wasn’t inherently evil like he was. Deep down she’s nothing more than a nerdy scientist who sees herself as intelligent, independent, and determined. And Nero took advantage of all of those traits.

I took so many precautions in order to make Kyra’s reveal as climactic and surprising as possible, all the while dropping hints throughout the game that subtlely pointed to her. The most impressive feat was claiming I had a friend named Amber who would be playing Kyra in the killing game as early as January. I logged into “Amber”’s account nearly every day at set times and changed her profile picture every few months. I occasionally popped in our server to talk as “Amber”, using a different way of typing. After Kyra died in game, “Amber” claimed to have family issues, which is why she was ok with dying first, and I made her less active over the remaining course of the game. I did ALL of it to convince everyone that “Amber” was a real person, when it was really just me all along.

I’m so thrilled that NDR56 went so perfectly. I’ve been working toward this reveal and ending for the past year, and everyone loved it. And I’m even more happy that I can finally talk about Kyra, and hopefully I’ll get to RP as her again soon!

[hrsloren]

HELLO EVERYONE ! i’m rlly excited to be here at hearsay. actually is a new kind of rp concept for me so if im a little slow in coming up with ideas please be patient w me, i promise i’m engaged and interested. i’d also love recs of your fav murder mystery stuff for inspo! neway some info about ren is under the cut (along w some plot ideas!) and ill message yall once i have a chance to read over the apps so that hopefully i can come 2 u with some thoughts for plots~ ur also welcome to message me first of course or hit that like or really anything else lol!! discord avail on request for plotting, too, if thats more your style. 

kwon loren is a 26 yr old scorpio, horror enthusiast, entrepreneur (cough, drug dealer), n webtoon artist and she’s never met a villain she didn’t want to write a redemption arc for.

yes i almost exclusively chose her name bc it can be nicknamed into ren which obviously sounds like wren and i thought it was punny / suitable lol. 

unfortunately the only one of those that makes any money is the entrepreneurial bit and that is a totally illegal path. so her day job is her night job as the overnight manager of the gs25 near her dingy apartment building.  she works sunday to thursday nights, usually, since she makes the schedule she selfishly schedules the part timers on prime weekend night slots.  she also draws weird commissioned porn for folks w strange kinks (tentacles?? yoikes no judgement but yoikes) when she needs the xtra won.

she was the black sheep of her family even before her personality really showed itself, and once she revealed herself to be a tomboyish, unruly, temperamental, reckless, passionate, and alarmingly contrary child the whole thing just got worse. rlly the only person she was ever very close with was her grandfather, who is a somewhat-renowned murder mystery / horror writer. sneaking peaks at his books and manuscripts was probably what kindled a lot of her weird proclivities as a child, which she carries forward to now.

she’s quite excessive in a lot of ways. too much smoking, too much drinking, too much feeling, too much dreaming, too much scheming, too much writing.... basically the only thing she doesn’t overload on is sleep?? so check out those atrocious under eye shadows sometime bc its a yikes from me yall. 

u can track her moods pretty easily despite the fact that she’s got a hard to read face. once  you get used to her habits and mannerisms its rlly clear to see that she’s an open book. the only thing that can throw it off is that she’ll try to stop smoking abt once every 3 months, at which point she becomes a complete nightmare w very little notice. it usually doesn’t last very long unfort for her lungs.

speaking of smoking shes the kind of person to immerse herself in things easily and get totally wrapped in them. like, she’s v prone to addictions or obsessions. this can be with things, people, television shows, etc. she’s never known a good series she didn’t binge as quickly as possible, a good book she didn’t read cover to cover, sleep be damned. this means she’s often kinda grouchy or trying to sleep something off. she’ll also talk ur ear off about whatever she’s fallen into at the moment. 

just for a weird fact, she has a complex about her hair. its naturally relatively coarse and bushy and curly and frizzy. her mum used to pull it back every morning in a rlly tight ponytail and pin down all the unruly bits with bobby pins or barettes and she hated it, it always made her head hurt and obviously it made her feel like her hair was ugly.  so for a long time she chemically straightened it and did all kinds of treatments, but now she’s trying to maintain it more naturally. so yeah sometimes it looks like a birds nest but at least it’s healthier. 

she’s very picky about her surroundings and organizing her personal space, especially when she wants to work on something. she gets picky about things being in a good visual order, and if she notices something is out of place around her, she’ll hyper focus on it until she can fix it. this can be something meaningful (noticing she didn’t do the dishes) or something absurd (noticing someone left a napkin on the ground at the cafe, across the room, and having to go throw it away before she can focus on anything else). 

just like with her surroundings, with aesthetics, and with substances or media,  she hyper focuses on people too. when she decides someone is ‘hers’ she will go all in on them, becoming loyal to the point of honest to goodness fault. this isn’t to say she’ll tell them they’re the best at all times or be unrealistically enamored with them. she’ll still be fully cognizant of and happy to point out faults, but she won’t turn her back on them. she’d help you bury a body, basically, but she’d tell you what a goddamn psychopath you were as she did. 

FOR SOME PLOT THOUGHTS

her only real established canon relationships have to do w her drug trade or her much better cousin (just ask anyone in her family) so she’s very well open to just about anything. she’s canonically close to magpie and cousins w swallow, of course, and sells to an established handful. i’d love to get her a bit wrapped up in things these days, maybe some secret trading or ferreting things out. i imagine she feels loyalty to magpie and resents those who might come out with accusations against him. 

i’d love her to have an outcast ride or die best friend from high  school, someone who was also on the black sheep side of things. she did participate in the high school literary magazine (layout) and on the newspaper (though not as seriously as one might have hoped) and certain undesirables spread rumors about the english teacher “favoring” her (at least some guiding figure finally liked her dammit). so bullies from high school are fully possible. she was kind of a weirdo (duh) so i imagine it would have been pretty normal to pick at her here and there, though she did try to fly under the radar a lot. people who used to harass her coming to her for pills now could be a thing to explore, or someone who dated her in high school but didn’t really want to be “out” about it due to you know like dumb high school social differences so resentment grew and it was a whole teen movie drama that ended up without the happy ending and now its weird when they see each other, which could go many ways. those she’s befriended or so forth since coming back to town down on her luck, also, would be welcome! 

anyway if you made it to the end of this ily very much and i hope we can plot asap huhu

[madsciencestudent]

5 Fave Male Characters

Tagged By: @pandoramusicbox09

Tagging: @enelle2890, @paper-doodle, @sleepy-shark, and anyone else who wants to do this.

(Oh geez, here we go. XD)

1. Steven Universe

Okay let’s get the show that ripped my heart out last out of the way first. Steven is the pure cinnamon roll on this list, and why he’s my favorite. Steven in the original series was the compassionate male hero I always wanted but never realized I wanted! I did have an issue with him always putting others before himself, but then the creators turned around and BAM! Addressed it in Future with a poor 16 year old who’s trauma finally caught up to him and manifested. Steven is a newer character, I’ll admit, but his stories and development into a hero and then a struggling young adult just... Sticks with me.

2. Orochimaru

Smart, mysterious, dangerous, a ‘mad scientist’, even if it’s for selfish gains he takes in the lost, abused, and abandoned, cynical and wanting to watch the terrible world he lives in burn, an Asexual Icon even if the homophobic and transphobic fans like to say otherwise (all those jokes about him being ‘gay’ or ‘wanting to be a woman’ were NOT meant to be empowering but derogatory-I was there I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE), and with absolutely BEAUTIFUL hair and eyes, awkward weeby teenage me was obsessed with the best character in Naruto. And never really got over it. I stopped following one of the most popular manga and anime the first time the Sell Out of an Author tried to make it look like asshole Sasuke was better than him, and thankfully the character was never ruined for me like I know he was for others and the series as a whole was the longer it was milked for money. So Orochimaru remains the same dangerous and well written villain he was when he first pulled off that face in front of Anko all those years ago to me.

3. Alastor

Another newer character, Alastor is one of those fun yet deadly villains that is also layered. He was a serial killer in life- which if properly written can be interesting in his development and spiral down the path for becoming a serial killer- and a powerful demon in death. There is a lot of potential there for him to develop into a fascinating character as well as a mysterious one. Everyone else in the series seems like they can be redeemed and actually change their after life, but Alastor is the one who seems like he’s going to drag all of them back to Hell and is going to be there true threat of the series. Yet, he also seems like the one who is necessary for the others to access the resources they need to turn their afterlives around. So there’s more conflict there. Are the resources they’re receiving from him actually what they need, or is he undermining them at every turn disguised as aiding them? He’s fun and impossible to get a decent read on!

4. GraveRobber

The character that gets things rolling in Repo! The Genetic Opera, and mostly acts as the narrator in the final cut of the film, GraveRobber is exactly what his name says. One of the poor souls who fell into Geneco’s debt trip and now works as a drug dealer and grave robber (in order to actual get the drug from corpses’ brains) to get by in the world built on organ failures and capitalism! GraveRobber doesn’t have a lot to do in the final film, but his songs and guidance of the main character are an excellent touch. He also adds what I think is a main undercurrent of the film- none of the characters are truly ‘innocent’ or ‘pure’ like most media portrays; they all have some undesirable parts and ways to get by.

His actor is also one of the writers and performers of the indie stage shows that inspired the film (who did in fact write the film) and whom I’ve met in person, and he was very nice when we interacted.

5. Sweeney Todd

Well, since he IS the title character of my all time favorite movie, I better mention him here. Also fun fact he’s the inspiration behind the one black streak I have in my hair which sort of became my own brand over the years SOOOO- Tragic and vengeful, Sweeney Todd is just... A complex character who’s been kicked around by the corrupt system and world enough that he gives into the darkness and wickedness of it all to become his own monster at the end. (He killed the woman he loved and who he thought he was avenging the whole time!)

Honorable Mention Since I’m Not Sure Where This One Fits Anymore:

Cell

(I can hear @paper-doodle​ from here and @sleepy-shark​ calling me out for the Weeb I am. XD)

So... Cell is a favorite all time character of mine without a doubt, but given my thoughts and headcanons I had developed for him when I used to RP him on here and still use to this day.... I kinda don’t entirely classify him as a ‘male’ character anymore? I mean I kinda do but- IT’S COMPLICATED. It is pretty well established that in the manga Cell is referred to with ‘he/him’ and ‘it’ pronouns (even more so in the English dub of the anime I first grew up with because MANLY ANIME IS MANLY and woman can NEVER be that buff right that’d just be ugly (I’m being sarcastic if you can’t tell)) but it’s mostly other characters using those pronouns when talking about Cell. And because Cell technically is classified as ‘female’ by human definitions when it comes to reproduction (if an multicellular or macro organism is capable of asexual reproduction- like Cell is (see Cell Juniors)- then they’re usually classified as female), and at least in the manga Cell doesn’t seem to give a flying fuck about anything that isn’t fighting related, I kinda got to wondering about whether Cell does view themselves as male or female or both or neither. Eventually I developed the headcanon that Cell honestly doesn’t care one way or the other; people can call Cell whatever pronouns they want and Cell will just roll with it (so basically Agender with no pronoun preference), though Cell will pull out the ‘you know, by human definitions, you know I’m a female, right?’ line whenever a sexist is mouthing off near them because the dawning fear and back tracking fuels Cell. Cell has mostly gone with the male pronouns though since those are the ones used the most when applied to him, but like I said, Cell can change gears pretty quick based on the other person.

Sooooo, yeah. Canonly and a majority of fandomly speaking, I guess Cell is still classified as a male character, but since I developed a different view on him.... Eh? I guess I’m in the Cell is Nonbinary Camp so maybe Cell shouldn’t really be on this list. But again, Canon and a majority of Fandom and his own flexibility in my headcanons makes it complicated so Cell gets a special mention.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #258

“as above, so below, what you reap is what you sow. what you give comes back threefold, as above, so below.”

Who was your favorite cartoon character when you were a kid? Pikachu! Have you ever asked a guy out on a date? No. Who do you consider your best friend in your workplace? N/A Do you have to have your bed or anything else in your room a specific way before you go to sleep? I think I almost always have to be facing the left, but I can't really say with total certainty considering you don't really like... *realize* when you fall asleep. Have you changed your mind about anything lately? I've been on the fence about things. What do you dream about most? What is the general tone or mood of your dreams? They're either uncomfortable, melancholic run-ins with Jason or horrible nightmares about being attacked in some way and being incapable of fighting back. Do you mind going grocery shopping or is it something you enjoy? Does ANYBODY enjoy it?? If you could have a physical feature like wings, horns, a tail, ect., what would you have? GIVE ME RAM HORNS. What is something you wish more people understood about who you are as a person? A lot of my struggling goes on in my head. Like I think I'm relatively open about when I'm having a hard time, but it's come to my attention recently that there's a lot of battles people don't see and leads to the belief I give up easily. Have you ever gone through a time when you had no friends? How did you deal with it? No friends I ever hung out with or anything, yes. I just had to start reaching out and opening up a bit more, and that's when Colleen came in. What is your favorite food to have as a snack? It depends on what flavor I'm craving. Usually though, something sour and gummy. What time do you usually eat dinner? That can vary from as early as 5:30 to as late as like, 8:00. When was the last time you felt extremely happy? Like about a week ago, the second night Mom slept on the pull-out bed a family friend got us versus that damn couch she's slept on for years. Her doing it a second time was like, verification that she was more comfortable and would keep doing it, which she has. Has any food ever made you sick to the point where you’d be afraid to try it again? No, thankfully. What is something you wish you had the opportunity to do more often? Get out of the house. Do you have any interests or hobbies you thought you would outgrow, but haven’t? I wasn't sure if I would ever "outgrow" RP. Apparently I won't. Is there an outfit that you wear much more frequently than any other? There are a few shirts, yeah. How old is your television? We got it when my parents were still together, so it's old. Do you have a laptop or desktop? A laptop. Do you own any television series box sets? Just Meerkat Manor. Have you ever been in a fight with your best friend? Yeah. Was the last movie you watched a horror film? No. Where is your favorite place to go when you’re depressed? On a car ride where I can blast my music. In high school, were you in trouble a lot? No. I only ever got in trouble for too many tardies in the morning. Do you enjoy your hairstyle? Yeah. Do you have weak upper body strength? Yikes yes. Do you think hugs are awkward? Not if they're friends or similar. People I don't like and/or know well but am expected to hug anyway, yes, it's uncomfortable. Story of my life with my sister's in-laws. Do you think facial hair is gross? ... No...? I mean sure, if it's not groomed it can be, but it's very natural and normal? Would you ever dye your hair an unnatural color? UGH I want to. My hair has such a hard time holding color... Has anyone ever been weirdly obsessed with you? No. What is your favorite band of all time? Ozzy Osbourne. Always. Would you consider getting a tattoo any time soon? Literally ASAP. I was supposed to get my Mark one tidied up big big time for my birthday by a really professional artist with both holiday and birthday money, but Mom literally had to use it to keep this house and the car. It was admittedly frustrating, but I could tell she was far from happy about it and I can't *rightfully* be pissy about it. Then the cancer came along and threw a massive wrench in the plan, so now idk when that's happening now. What movie did you last watch with someone? I THINK it was the live action The Lion King with Dad. It's been a long time. Are you afraid of airplane rides? Not very actively, no. I acknowledge the risk, but it's not something I deeply worry about. If you’re reading a book, what page are you currently on? Don't have a book to read currently; I just finished the second Wings of Fire book, now I'm moving onto The Testaments by Margaret Atwood when we can order it over Amazon. Do you have a job you like? I don't have a job period. Have you ever lived with a roommate before? Yeah. How many scarves do you own, if any at all? Maybe one? If even that. Did you tell your last girlfriend/boyfriend that you love them? Yeah. What was the last thing your parents got mad at you for? Idk about Dad, but Mom... probably something I said? But I'm not sure. Do your pets have favorites? I'm the only one who handles Venus, and I'm Roman's favorite. How many people could sleep comfortably in the room you’re in? Just two if we share the bed. Would you like to have a treadmill in your house? I DESPERATELY want one. My legs are getting bad again now that I haven't physically been in school for what, a month? What’s the longest you’ve ever liked someone without telling them? Well, that would be Girt, but I went on-and-off with like-liking him for years... Since freshman year, really. It's hard to say because of my mind constantly changing. When is the last time you were on a swingset? Wow, no clue. At sleepovers, do you usually sleep on a bed, couch or floor? I haven't had one of those in too long of a time to really tell you. It would depend on the relationship, too. What’s the sweetest thing a gf/bf can do to get you to forgive them? Changed behavior. How hot does the temperature get in the summer where you live? High 90s/lower 100s. Was the last hoodie you wore too big for you? No. Did it belong to someone else? No. Have you ever taken Ambien to fall asleep? I was given it at the hospital, but it never did much for me. Did your last ex try to get back together with you after the break-up? No. Do you know someone who has 6 or more siblings? Possibly, but I don't think so. Do you rent movies frequently? Nope. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Take pictures. Will we ultimately end up destroying our own race? Yup. How do you think the world will end? Human life, climate change. Earth itself, probably like a meteor or black hole or something. I believe the universe itself will always exist. An alien ship lands at your house, and they want you. Do you go with them? Errrr no. If I even had the option. What’s your favorite meal to cook? I don't cook. Homework: Do you actually READ the chapters, or just skim through them? I read. I'd be too nervous about missing vital info to skim. If you were in a horror flick, would you be one of the first ones to die? Probably, but it depends on the predicament, I guess? What movie has been taken WAY too far, as far as sequels go? I don't know. I'm not a film buff. Do you refuse to eat certain foods because of what they look like? Yep. Green olives, for example, look so fuckin gross to me. Would you ever become a fan of a team you hate to please your spouse? No? Can you handle scary movies? I love scary movies. I enjoy the adrenaline of 'em. How often do you get a new purse…and for guys a new wallet? Not often at all. What is the most money that you have ever spent on getting your nails done? Never done that. Do you have a fake I.D.? Nope. Would you date someone 5 years older than you? Yeah. Have you ever been fingered? Yes. What is your favorite horror movie? Hmmm. I've got a bias towards Silent Hill, of course, but I also really enjoy both The Blair Witch Project movies, as well as The Crazies. Has a little kid ever fallen asleep on your lap before? Yeah. What’s your favorite kind of float? (coke, root beer) I can't remember the last time I had one of those. If you heard your best friend’s significant other was cheating on them, would you tell them? Even if you couldn’t prove it? UM yes. I mean it kinda depends on who told me this, like it could be total bullshit, but, they'd deserve to know that there was a possibility. If you discovered you were pregnant at this point in time, would you keep it or abort it? Why? If I got pregnant now, it'd have to be a case of rape, in which case I would probably abort, considering I'd be fucking traumatized worse than I already was. What is the last thing you googled? Uhhh shit. I think the definition for a word to ensure I was using it correctly? Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool? Nooo. I always wanted to as a kid, but I was ultimately too scared. Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers? Hot, usually. Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? Yes. Where did your mother and father meet for the first time? I think work. Have you ever stayed in a cheap motel? No. I'm too much of a germaphobe for that. Have you been to Mount Rushmore? No. Do you sleep with the door open, kinda open, or completely closed? Open or kinda open, depending on if the cat moves it or not. How old were you when you got chicken pox? Never got it. What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual. Do you have full or thinner lips? Uh idk, they look pretty normal to me. Which of the Pirates of the Caribbean's was your favorite? Never watched 'em. Do you press the delete key or the backspace key to get rid of a mistake? Backspace. How far do you live from your parents? I live with one. How many family photos do you have in your home? Like, on display/the walls? A pretty decent amount. Are you happy with how much money you make? I make none, so like... guess. Are you the type of person that will parallel park? Fuck that. To you, what is “the best thing since sliced bread”? Probably the Internet. Do you read and believe your horoscope? No. Do you have rules for naming your future children? I'm not having kids, but if I was to, no. Which actor, in your opinion, played the best Batman? I haven't seen them all. Have you ever TURNED DOWN an invite to a wedding? Why? No. Do you believe people should get married in a church? lol get married wherever the fuck you want. Name a movie everyone else thought was funny, but you couldn’t stand: *shrugs* Does the mall you go to have an arcade? Do you go in there? No. What is your favorite Little Debbie snack? This is ACTUALLY impossible. Don't ask me this question lmao. Got any interesting wigs? I don't have any wigs. What Mario game was your least favorite, and why? I've literally only ever played Mario Kart. I'm not that interested in the games. Have you ever been snowed in? Not to where like, we couldn't go outside. Does playing games in 2-D bother you because you now play mostly 3-D games? Oh no. Graphics absolutely do not make a game. Sure, they're more desirable considering it greatly improves immersion, but still. Sometimes 2D fits the "vibe" of the game. Tell the weirdest name of a town/city you’ve ever heard: Conetoe. You're pronouncing it wrong. Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have a cell phone? I don't think so. Do you like pineapple? Oh yeah. Do you get a flu jab each year? No, but I should start. Did you ever dream about being an animal? Maybe? Idk. What's your favourite colour on a dog? Orange/red. Do you have an electric or gas cooker? Gas. What do you like to drink at a restaurant? I usually get a soda. If we're at some fancy place for once, I'll usually get some light, fruity alcohol. What was the last book you read that also is a film? I don't have a clue. Have you always known what you've wanted to do with your life, career-wise? It's changed many, many times now. Would you stay at a haunted hotel? Hell yeah. What is the best HAND-MADE present you've ever received? It was this long, extremely sweet letter my mom wrote for my b-day two years back. It meant a lot to me. Have you ever gotten pizza delivered to your house that you didn't order? I don't believe so. Do you follow a 5-second rule after dropping food on the floor? NOOOOOOOOO sir. Did you take Flintstone vitamins or any others as a child? EW, no. We were lucky enough to have fruity chewy ones, not chalky crap. What types of things do you think the government is hiding from us? Oh my fucking god, a universe of information. Aliens probably being one of the least scary things. How do you like your soda: I think it tastes best cold from a can. Have you learned anything valuable today? No. What's your favorite kind of Doritos? Cool Ranch. Do your parents have MySpace pages? Mom has a Facebook. Be honest...ever peed in the pool? Noooo. When I was a kid, you went behind the pool and handled that. Have you ever pulled a fire alarm? Nope. Have you had your tonsils removed? No. Isn't Chef Boyardee awesome? Not a fan. What reality show has been taken WAY too far? I don't watch enough TV for this. Must you grab a souvenir from almost everywhere you go? Nah, not always. Did you enjoy making things out of Play-Doh as a child? I did. What do you put on hot dogs? Mustard and ketchup. Can you swim? Yeah. Hot dogs or cheeseburgers? Cheeseburgers. Your favorite hobby? Taking pictures, particularly of animals. Do you wear glasses? Yes. Do you have a phobia? Plenty. Can you drive a stick? Never tried. How many TVs are in your house? Two. Do you like to sing? Not very long. Favorite car? Idc. Is there anything (out of the obvious) that makes you feel really ill? Perhaps, but I'm not certain. Maybe some smell. WELL WAIT, gasoline can give me a real headache, but I don't feel like, REALLY sick. Do you know both of your biological parents? Which one do you prefer? Yes, and I don't want to choose between them. When was the last time you wrote so much your finger ached? My final exam for Writing last semester. What is something you think about yourself that nobody agrees with? Quite honestly, I wouldn't put extreme emphasis on my loyalty, but only because if you prove to me that you're undeserving of my friendship, trust, or anything like that, peace. I'm out. Family, friend, whatever; I don't care. Yet most people who know me have pointed out I'm extremely loyal, but really in all cases I can think of, I remained loyal because the person was worthy of it. What about something people think of you that you don’t agree with? This depends on the person and situation of course, but mostly, that I put on a damn good front of not being a socially anxious mess. Teachers and friends have pointed that out quite a bit, but I could NOT disagree more. I think I do awfully. What design is on your calendar this year? I don't have a current one. What is your favorite type of video game? Horror. What’s the weather like where you live? (All year round, not today) The baseline is IT'S HOT. Even our winters are - usually - very mild. Summer usually soaks the shit out of us; afternoon storms are literally an almost daily occurrence, so as you can imagine, the humidity could kill a man. The weather in general is very unpredictable year-round. When was the last time you climbed a tree? I've never actually properly done so. I grew up with almost exclusively pine trees, which only have branches much too high to climb.

[twilightvolt]

And so, another year has come to pass.....almost. ^  ^

Remember when i said i was branching away from Digimon back when i drew up Venom fanart? y’know, “I wanted to be more than what i used to be.” that being “a Digimon artist.”

2019 was basically just that. lots and lots and LOTS of fandom hopping.

If last year was me recovering from the pain and crippling anxiety of 2017, then this year was me finally getting up again, learning to stand up and live for myself rather than in fear of those i shouldn’t care about anymore. life still hasn’t been too kind to me even though, compared to last year, we’re in a better space. but i’ll get into more detail about that while i go through everything month by month on the clock.

Before we begin, if you’d like to see the previous years, here’s the links!

2018:https://twilightvolt.tumblr.com/post/181732950569/i-kinda-was-saving-this-for-when-i-had-the-time-to

2017:https://twilightvolt.tumblr.com/post/171806337539/a-3-month-late-art-summary-featuring-art-that-i

Might wanna grab your popcorn, my dudes. this is a long one.

January: On the Web

Coming out of 2018, things were pretty ok if i remember. i don’t remember much from this month aside from a few doodles i did like this one from when Spiderverse was the hottest thing. this was one of the last things i drew in my old style. before i decided to officially change things up in the next month.

February: Gotta Kick it Up

Pokemon Sword & Shield were announced and things were hype! oh, how things soured as the months went by. lol

But yeah, this was me taking that experimental sketchy pencil style from that Smash Bros. drawing and rolling with it all the way! it’s become my new go-to style and even though it’s still hella sketchy at times, i feel like it looks better in comparison to my old ink outlined drawings.

March: The Overdrive Dweebanoids

Oh right. my old Ben 10 phase that lasted for a millisecond in 2016 returned with a vengeance. and it was glorious. lmao

It spawned an AU that i didn’t delve into much, but if i ever get that spark for my favorite alien watch bearer, i’ll get back to it.

April: True Blue Lizard Bois

My Ben 10 streak continues and i was crankin’ out art left and right for it. i luved all the “doodle dumps” i made, but this drawing was wholesome and i picked it because of that.

To some extent, this could be a comparison between my past and my present. that being Overdrive!Ben being what, at the time, was my current obsession while Digimon!Vivi was a representation of where i used to be, back when i was starting out and entering Digimon OCTs on Deviantart.

May: Return to the Realm of Sleep ~HD ReMIX

Now THIS i feel was one of the grandest drawings i’ve done this year. hell, i even made a wallpaper out of it.

like, it was just a redraw of an old drawing from 2017. but to me, it was a way to tell me just how far i’ve come since then. and i couldn’t be happier.

This was also the month i rebooted my DA after a long time of inactivity!

....Iiiit didn’t really work much, but i’m still working on it. though i highly doubt it’s worth it considering most of the ones i used to hang with there are either people i don’t wanna associate with or people who left while i was gone. seriously, it’s a ghost town there.

June: Art Fight 2019 ~Dreams Vs. Nightmares~

Ahh, my second year of Art Fight. for this year’s event, i wanted to be a tad more grandiose. like drawing up this banner. i like being extra and stuff even if it kills my drawing hand, so yeah. lmao

...

Florida thunderstorms are friggin’ terrifying. idk HOW anyone can get used to that.

July: - BREAK DOWN -

Oookay, it was hard picking my favorite attack this year cuz i pretty much was satisfied with all of them. but i had to go with this attack because the artist i drew it for was someone i really admired for years and i’m just happy i could finally have an opportunity to draw them something. like, i luv how it came out, so yeah.

This was also the month i forced myself to finally do the thing and let go of the constant fear i felt towards certain people i used to hang with. while remembering 2017 will never NOT hurt, i can’t let that fear rule over me forever. i have to take control and not let it stop me from doing what i want. and that’s exactly what i did.

August: Ricky ~Sapphire, Emerald and AlphaSapphire

Oh yeah! after Art Fight ended, i returned to Pokemon randomly cuz i wanted to go back to my roots for a moment. revamping Ricky, formerly Ragna, and Yagami was something i’ve been meaning to do for awhile and it reignited a waning love for a series i started growing distant towards since Gen VII.

I used to really like Ricky’s old design even though i barely ever used him. but i guess this just shows how much more original i’ve gotten in terms of character design. ^  ^

September: Heartbeat Inferno

Now, i haven’t really talked much about what’s been going on life wise for most of this post, but trust me when i say irl, things weren’t really.....happening. like, it’s hard when you live (or rather, lived now) in a place with little job opportunity and you have NO experience whatsoever. the lack of progression must’ve hit something in me, so the week i drew this was me just....shifting moods, feeling everything at once. one day i’d be agitated as hell, the next i’d be so depressed i took a some odd hour nap and didn’t wanna get out of bed. like, for most of this year, i haven’t felt this stressed out and frustrated with myself. so this sudden crash was kind of....unwelcome.

But this drawing was a fresh change though, if i’m being honest. i’m not usually this uncaring about how clean the coloring job is, but i like it! i’d choose that other drawing i did for my friends’ birthdays, Skirmish at the Cable Club, but this one had a more personal drive behind it.

October: - PAPERMOON -

beastarsbeastarsbeASTARSBEASTARS--*COUGH COUGH AHEM* I MEAN....hai. :D

Continuing with my Pokemon shenanigans, i drew this big piece which was something i had in my head for years now, but never actually acted upon it cuz i always felt it was too big of an idea to work on. i’m happy i’ve managed to capture what i envisioned originally.

As for interests, i’m sure most of my current followers can deduce that i quickly shifted gears to Beastars as soon as the anime was released and so far, i regret nothing. it’s spawned a metric butt ton of new art from me and the way i see it, this phase ain’t stopping as long as this series continues. brace yourselves fam, i believe i’ve finally found the successor to my Digimon phase. lmao

Like, damn, i had a tough time choosing art for this month. i was stuck between this, - SMILE/WILD SIDE - and Slip Into Madness. so many good drawings i was satisfied with, y’know?

November: The Future is Now

I was SO planning on putting something else here, but then suddenly i just kinda had this urge to redraw that uggo gouache painting of Miyagi from highschool. and it turned out so good that i had to. like, really. lmao

As with the redraw of Dream Drop Digital’s key art, it was a reminder of how far i’ve come since then art wise. and i feel like i’ve accomplished so much this year because of it. ;w;

December: Winter Lights

And now we’re back to the present time. after over a year or so of living in Florida, we’ve moved once again back up north a bit. yet another clean slate, but things seem to be looking up despite the rather large bumps in the road the past week or so. lately i’ve been feeling that seasonal depression starting to set in, but i think i’ll be fine as long as i stay positive. cuz y’know, it’s not being happy all the time. it’s just knowing that things will get better someday.

One of the other reasons i drew this drawing was cuz i REALLY wanted to have something Beastars related on this clock. this series (and Legoshi in particular) really inspired me, so i had to leave a wedge open for my boi.

Looking back at the beginning of this decade (as 2020 would mark the next one), i realized that the 2010′s were basically me becoming more artsy. finding enjoyment for a new hobby that quickly became something i’m now more passionate about than video games which i didn’t think would EVER be the case.

Funny enough, it all started in the RP section of a little forum for an MMO called Wizard101. i was only in middle school at the time and, to tell you the truth, i had no idea i’d be going at it for this long. thought i’d just do it on the side but not really delve into the art world more.

But despite all the trips and falls, fandom drama or otherwise, i wouldn’t change anything if it meant i wouldn’t have the friends who’ve stuck by me in the aftermath of those times.

I may not be really succeeding in much, but it’s the small steps in life that matter most in the end. these past few months in particular was me getting fed up with feeling sorry for myself for not doing the things i was interested in in the past, getting over my regret and making plans for starting something new even though i know i’ll suck at first and not worrying so much about how others might perceive me.

And just like how life was changing for our resident grey wolf this first season, mine seems to be doing the same. and i believe this decade ended on a better note than i thought it would during the past couple years leading up to this.

Here’s to a new decade! ^  ^

~ For a future I want to believe in. ~

[chaosbcrne]

lil ooc update abt current situation + whats happening with this blog etc

where to start. i think it’s obvious i’ve been struggling a bit recently, for anyone who paid attention to the quite many times where i kept cursing holiday season for keeping me too busy and exhausted to do stuff here and stating that as soon as i would get a breather i would get stuff done, and then that... didn’t really happen. i had almost a whole week off and could not, for the life of me, get myself to work on drafts, or anything really. it wasn’t just in terms of rp, literally everything else i was planning to get done during my time off did not get done. the moment i told myself ‘ok, you can relax now’ my brain switched off and all i could do was idly play games and watch random series. which in itself is not a bad thing. i know with hindsight after what i dealt with during the holiday (and arguably the whole month of december), it was important that i gave myself a break, a real break. 

the bad thing is the guilt i felt at not being able to keep my word.

and frankly, it wasn’t even because i lacked motivation. it’s just that it never... ends. not that i should want it to, because this is a enjoyable hobby, but whenever i find the time and inspiration to dive into things here, it increases, in a way. the more i do, the more i have to do. the main example being for the christmas stuff i never finished, or the couple of memes i’ve tried to do this week. i go in motivated, full steam ahead. get 3, 4, 5 things done, so more are sent my way, and it feels like what i’ve managed to accomplish up to that point was pointless because it only gets attention in the form of people asking for more of it, if that makes sense. what i do never... feels fully rewarding, in a way. and it kind of deters me from wanting to keep going, even if its flattering that so many people are interested.

given that, like i said, whenever i go into these im motivated and fully intending to get it done, there’s no obvious solution to it. im not a big fan of putting hard caps on things, be it memes or starter calls or whatnot, as sometimes i just get more inspiration for some than others regardless of what order they came in. so the only thing i can do about that particular issue is be more selective. which, is not something i like much either, knowing how many people here suffer from RSD, and that anyone who sends something in that i don’t actually get to will likely feel rejected to a degree. unfortunately it’s probably the best course of action for me, if i want to keep doing stuff without burning the fun out of it. i’ll do my best to find some kind of balance, and i apologize to people who will feel let down because of this.

something else that i feel has been damaging my capacity to get stuff done here is, in a way, my activity. not as in, how much writing i do, but the fact that, as i’ve stated in another post a couple of weeks ago, both my home life and work situation allow me to check on the dash almost constantly. which i love ! i don’t want that to change. i love being able to see what everyone is up to, and almost always being around to join in on whatever discussion or playful discourse is going on, whether ic or ooc. the problem with having such a constant access to the dash is that it leaves me feeling like i should always be doing something productive on said dash. which is incredibly unhealthy, ultimately. this is something else i’ve brushed upon over the last few weeks, but my level of accessibility should not dictate how active/productive i must be.

and this is why i feel like things have been going downhill over the past few months for me here, in terms of actual activity, and also quality (in my opinion); always feeling like im not doing as much as i should for someone who gets to be online as much as i am. because now, whenever i get actual, suitable free time to write, it feels like every other hour of the day where i could technically be writing but am not, and it typically passes me by just the same.

once again, it’s not something i intend to change, per se. i don’t plan to force myself to check on the dash less often or anything like that, and i still want rp to remain one of my main hobbies because i really do love it ! but i need to find a way to make myself not feel like i should always be doing more just because im there, so when i do get that perfect time to write, im motivated to actually use it.

i suppose this is the closest thing i have to a new years resolution: finding a couple of other things to keep busy with throughout my downtime, both at work and at home, so that even if i can always keep an eye on the dash i dont pressure myself to get things done and ruin the experience for myself.

so i can actually hold myself accountable for that, i’ve applied to take some online classes (i want to eventually graduate college despite working full time), so i can spend my downtime at work doing homework instead of scrolling on tumblr and wishing i could will myself to write. i’ve finally secured a url for a potential art blog so i can have a place to dump my aimless doodles on and hopefully, by extension, make it more of a habit to practice and draw. sometime this year i want to teach myself hand-sewing too. anyone who knows me knows that im obsessed with stuffed animals and i want to have made one myself by the end of 2020, no matter how simplistic.

ultimately, i don’t think any of these changes will affect my activity much, since, like i said, i wasn’t being nearly as active as i could have been anyway just because i put so much pressure on myself to be doing things just because i was there. i wholeheartedly believe that pushing myself to take interest in pastimes other than rp will make my actual rp experience a lot more enjoyable and productive when i actually sit down to write.

in any case, i wanna thank everyone for both their patience and understanding, as always. im very thankful for the friends i made here and the many talented partners i get to write with, and i just want that to show in the content i put out from now on.

[multi-muse-mayhem]

Don’t get sucked in

So I came back, wanted to start rping again, and then promptly began writing obsessively all day every day for about two weeks.  Would have been nice if I’d written on the novel I’m actually supposed to be working on, but no.  I started madly writing a fanfic for the Merry Gentry universe.  Rant with spoilers if you haven’t read A Shiver of Light.  You might want to skip it.  I wish I had.

Why did I start writing madly (in just about every sense of the word)?

Because I finished reading A Shiver of Light (which I only recently discovered was out and have been patiently waiting for for about EIGHT YEARS at this point).  Not only did almost nothing interesting happen for 90% of the book, at the very end she just flat kills off Sholto.

I exaggerate not dear reader.  I was so infuriated by this level of plot shock on top of Sholto and Merry repeatedly telling each other both in private and public they are not in love (WHY THE FUCKING HELL NOT?!?!).  I was so infuriated, I became physically nauseous and started having palpitations.  I sat on the floor in the bathroom for about twenty minutes before I trusted myself not to puke.  It really felt like I might.  It ended up, I only dry heaved a few times. 

I was that angry.

Why was I more enraged than I have ever been over a book?  Well, firstly because I’m a book nut who gets really into reading (if the book is good).  Secondly, I connected with Sholto on an emotional level more so than with any other character including Merry herself.  I won’t go super in depth into why, but suffice it to say I had a lot of body image issues growing up, and Sholto with his nightflyer father’s squiggly nest of tentacles personified that body shaming so many of us have been scarred by.

Thirdly, I was infuriated by the atrocious pacing and lack of general story progress.  SO much time was spent on Merry ooing and ahing over her triplets, freaking out over whether they will get hurt or hurt others (cause crazy be in the family hard core), and going on and on and on about how her body changed during and after the pregnancy.  These things would have been fine, except they seemed to make up 70% of the book.  Merry only physically leaves the house twice in the novel.  Once in the beginning for a dr appointment during which her water breaks, and once in the end to see Sholto (when he gets shot and killed). 

You could argue she leaves four other times: twice to visit soldiers in need of Goddess’ blessing and twice for dream sequences where Taranis invades her mind.  That feels like reaching to me though.  The fir dearg (however the hell it’s spelled, I’m not wasting my time to look it up right now) are mentioned, but none actually appear in the book.  I was severely disappointed but this persistence in a loose thread of story line that started...three books ago?  I think.  Again, not going to waste my time checking, cause this is a rant.  There are rumblings about a potential shift in power among the Goblins, but NONE of the mentioned goblins (Holly, Ash, King Kurag) makes an appearance.  They’re just mentioned. 

I think, almost worse than her Killing off Sholto was how slap dash the last two chapters were where Merry briefly interrogates the Seelie refugee whose fingerprints were on the rifle.  We don’t get to hear who else exactly was involved, other than Taranis, and I’m not entirely sure anyone else was involved, because basically all Hamilton writes is a summary at this point.  A summary that amounts to, “He told us everything.  He didn’t try to bargain for his life.  Just his wife’s.”  And then, we don’t even get to see the bastard executed!  No wonderful description of the Sluagh avenging their very beloved King.  Not even a hint of if he died horribly or quickly, though I suspect the former cause this is sluagh we’re talking about.  And in the very end, Aisling returns to the Seelie court (cause the king has been dethroned and exiles have an option of returning if they wish) and is reported to be recognized as the new King.  I say “reported” because for some fucking reason Hamilton can’t be bothered to actually have someone go with him even though Merry is no longer pregnant, has plenty of guards, mutilated Taranis (so her enemies are now quite fearful of her), and could go with him. 

I sat through about 300 pages of a new mother worrying about the same damn things over and over for about 70 pages of story.  The two chapters where Merry is summoned in spirit to help soldiers were powerful and wonderful things.  Powerful!  I cried at the first and nearly cried at the second.  I loved every moment of those scenes! 

The rest was like reading someone’s personal journal where they just worried incessantly about the same handful of issues.  And then, she (Hamilton) SHOT SHOLTO!  No foreshadowing really.  No warning.  Just BANG!  Oh, he’s dead.  No, he’s really really dead.  Totally dead.  Shot through the heart by a high powered sniper rifle dead.  Why?  FUCK IF I KNOW!  She could have gotten a lot more drama out of him being critically injured through the end of the book, and still done everything else she dead, and instead of deciding not to buy her next book (unless someone posts spoilers that Sholto gets brought back, maybe by sacrificing Taranis and Andais.  I’d be cool with that), I would be eagerly awaiting the next novel.  Instead, I’m dreading it.

I feel like someone else wrote most of that book, and Hamilton just wrote the scenes with the soldiers.  At least the fan part of my brain feels like that...

sigh

The up side of all of this is, I rabidly began writing a fanfiction to correct this utter travesty of an event.  In the course of about two weeks I have written over 100 pages and almost 100,000 words.  Would have been nice if it could have been on the novel I’m supposed to be finishing, but hey, I’m not under a deadline, so I can take a break.  I am very proud of the quantity of words I’ve put out, but as I read back over what I’ve written, I’m also pleasantly surprised by the quality.  My scenes are intense.  The pacing is almost exhausting (my poor MC scarcely gets a moment to rest).  She’s not the perfect candidate to restore Faerie like Merry was, but she’s doing the best she can and making progress as well as mistakes that bite her in the ass.

Eventually, I want to reshape this fanfiction into a novel in its own right and offer it up to the hungry mass of Hamilton’s fan base and former fan base who loved the drama, action, mystery, and just the right sprinkle of sex in the early novels.  A delicious combination of elements that is sorely missing in the latest book of the series.  I have so many books I want to write though...

If I ever get the hang of finishing a novel, I’m going to be damn near as prolific as Piers Anthony.  I think I might have to give up gaming to do it though, at least solo gaming, and possibly rping as well.  The latter isn’t much of a loss since I don’t really have anyone to rp with anymore.