#did any of you guys also get an older brother vibe from Fred in the books

[bluecookiedisaster]

Depressing late night thoughts

I just began thinking about how lost George must have been after Fred’s death. Fred was the leader- it was always “Fred and George”, not “George and Fred”. Now it sounds even more wrong as just “George”.

[fredheads]

I would like to hear your thoughts about parentdale and the new killers album

thank god i have many!!!!

all the songs about opioid addiction.... enough said on that point

wow i rly thought i could answer this without a read more but i have LOTS TO SAY!!!!!!! everything else under the cut:

quiet town... how it's about the dark underbelly of this small town and how people willfully look away from tragedy and how tragedy manifests itself in that kind of community and how it does or doesnt fit the narrative already scripted for this place... "things like that aint supposed to happen in this quiet town, families are tight, good people still dont deadbolt their doors at night" like shut up!! parentdale... this one to me is about the generational trauma handed down from their own parents and how it repeats itself... and how the narrative of "this is a good town nothing bad can happen here" existed for artie and bunny and prudence and everyone too and some of them (fp) know that was always bullshit but others (fred) were fed the narrative that the good old days were better and bought into that to an extent until they couldnt anymore... its about all the bad shit that happened to them when they were kids and how it was swept under the rug. oscars death comes to mind too...

terrible thing.... would it be unkind of me to call it fps song... i mean really its all of them when they were teens locked away in their bedrooms fucked up and the terrible things they were on the verge of were many (the abortion alice didnt get comes to mind but there were much worse things too) and also the way the first lyric ("the parking lot is rammed with shotgun pickup trucks/ at the jones rubber plant where all the guys end up/beer-drinking boy scouts living life like they ain't stuck") HITS!!! for fredsythe. and its a masterpiece of 'this town is a machine and spits you out into this hopeless mold where you just drink with the boys after working all day' and how thats fps story but also how its subtly about masculinity and the failure to fit that mold is also a failure to live up to a masculine ideal... much to think about.

cody is almost my favorite track off the album I love it so much. there's no character I think of specifically for it but the way Brandon flowers said it was an amalgamation of guys older brothers he knew is making me go batshit feral. "Bottle rockets on an August night/Raid the coolers in the trucks/If we're lucky, we'll get loud and we'll drink/Whiskey from a plastic jug" is excellent parentdale small town tomfoolery imagery too...

when sleepwalker said "everyone is afraid of something even the strongest man alive" that was for hiram lodge 🥺i cant say more its just a feeling

runaway horses can be any of their relationships that almost worked out but did not

in the car outside is another of my favourites FRICCKK the first 2 verses give me halice (especially "She's got this thing where she puts up the walls so high/It doesn't matter how much you love/It doesn't matter how hard you try") and then the 3rd is fremione ("I dropped a line to a flickering high school flame/We laughed about all the ways that our lives had changed/She’s up the road, about thirty-five miles north/Got two little boys in school, just had a real bad divorce/And in a moment of weakness/I told her if she ever needed a helping hand/I would lend, swear to God") wow glory days who... and then "it's like the part of me that's screaming not to jump gets lost in the sound of the train its a lot" ... footloose screaming at trains hours

in another life.... is so deeply parentdale it hurts!! its for all of them realizing they turned out these small town cliches because they didn't have a choice and looking back on all their missed opportunities... ("I passed a couple of kids holding hands in the street tonight/They reminded me of us in another life" could literally be any of them..) ("When that jukebox in the corner/Stops playing country songs of stories that sound like mine" SCREAMS SHUT UP!!! its about class too....) and then the killer... "I spent my best years laying rubber on a factory line I wonder what I would have been in another life" that's FOR FRED ANDREWS BABY! and to an extent artie... like how his father made all these sacrifices for him and might have been anything in another life but fred carries this guilt around.... it runs so deep...

desperate things gives me such bruce springsteen state trooper ballad type vibes but I skip it every time anyway lmfaoooo.... that said...... sierra and tom??? ok....

pressure machine is for all of them!! the way it's about having your hope slowly crushed, ("hope will set your eyes agleam" is them when they were young teens so hopeful.... fp thinking he could be on the football team and pretend to be northside, Penelope thinking she was being adopted by a loving family, alice thinking she could overcome her roots, fred thinking he could play pro ball, etc) growing up in this small town where everyone expects something different of you and you lean into some expectations, you fight against others, but either way your surroundings and upbringing and that pressure forms who you are and then you've lost your innocence and your life is just slipping away faster and faster ... i think this is the best song on the album by far I adore her

and then the getting by ("I know some who've never seen the ocean" ) and these small town people, how there's dignity in this simple living that their parents had and all they can do is get up every day and "hold on till the getting's good" and that's what they've always done... tis parentdale

[crrpsebride]

the garde and the honoraries at hoGGY HOGGY HOGWARTS

nine and five as slytherin

slytherin house values ambition, leadership, self-preservation, cunning and resourcefulness. slytherins always find ways to employ their skills to their advantage, and can make the best of any situation. slytherins strive to be the best, and because of their ambition, they usually are. slytherin represents the element of water, and its house emblem is the snake.

notable characters: merlin, the malfoys, bellatrix lestrange, tom riddle

adam, ella and marina as ravenclaw

ravenclaw house values intelligence, knowledge, curiosity, creativity and wit. all ravenclaws possess a strong thirst for knowledge and a desire to explore and inquire. ravenclaws are highly individualistic and don’t succumb to peer pressure or do what the majority decides to unless they believe in it. ravenclaw represents the element of air, and its house emblem is the eagle.

notable characters: luna lovegood, cho chang, filius flitwick, rowena ravenclaw

sarah, sam and eight as hufflepuff

hufflepuff house values hard work, dedication, loyalty and fair play. hufflepuffs make some of the most loyal friends, and won’t back down from your side. they are also some of the most hardworking people - though they may not possess ravenclaws’ passion for learning, or slytherins’ ambition - but it always pays off. hufflepuffs are honest, and always feel a desire to tell the truth and behave as such. hufflepuff represents the element of earth, and its house emblem is the badger.

notable characters: cedric diggory, pomona sprout, newt scamander, nymphadora tonks

john and six as gryffindor

gryffindor house values bravery, daring, nerve and chivalry. gryffindors stand strong in the face of adversity, and show courage in everything they do. they tend to see the world split as good and bad, white and black, and do everything they can to protect the good and innocent. gryffindors aren’t afraid to put themselves in physical danger, and will do so to defend others. gryffindor represents the element of fire, and its house emblem is the lion.

notable characters: the golden trio (harry potter, hermione granger, ron weasley), the weasley family, the marauders (james potter, sirius black, remus lupin, peter pettigrew), minerva mcgonagall

other opinions 

adam is a slytherclaw. full stop. he just gives off the sophisticated, intelligent energy that all of them possess

both nine and five’s second house is gryffindor, and six’s is slytherin

john is half-half gryffindor and hufflepuff (he has both qualities it just depends when they shine through) but i did put him in gryffindor because he’s got the main character disease

john would be a keeper for the gryffindor team, and six a chaser, and nine and five would be a beater for slytherin because they need their dose of beating the shit out of something (they’d hate each other but make a good team yk). eight would be a keeper too for hufflepuff and ella is DEFINITELY a seeker or a beater no in between

nine gives me INCREDIBLE sirius black vibes. like young sirius black they are the same‼ no i will not be taking constructive criticism on this!!

- and to tie into that, JOHN IS YOUNG REMUS LUPIN!! ALSO NOT TAKING CRITICISM!! the way he’s good when he wants to be and is overall the mother, but is batshit crazy when he’s with his friends

my friend (@picnicgrannyforpresident ) said six gives off BOOK ginny energy and i agree

also i think nine would have the same backstory as sirius, like his family tradition is being sorted into gryffindor (or ravenclaw maybe) but he got put in slytherin and they were sorta like “oh…” and he was like “no.” and hated slytherin and everyone in it at first </3 (also could be adam but... i wanted to save him from trauma on top of trauma on top of trauma)

sam gives me ron weasley vibes cause ignored best friend™ despite how loyal he is (DESPITE WHAT PEOPLE WITH COMMON SENSE HAVE TO SAY) 

on that note that does not mean i ship ginny weasley and her brother PLEASE 🤮🤮🤮  that’s so nasty i’m just saying that sam and six have the same energy and kind of character base as them both

adam would choose post-mortem studies as an elective in his third year (the study of ghosts) because… you know the irony. he would be the top of his class at everything except divination - he’d have the same problem as hermione and think it was bullshit and just quit the subject entirely

ella’s top classes would be astronomy and flying, and quidditch would be her secret passion and she’d refuse to try out until the captain saw her training with eight, nine, john, six and five and went “oh shit she’s good” (her mum was a well-known quidditch player in hogwarts for ravenclaw too). she’d try her best to hang out with all the older kids (let’s pretend adam is the same age as everyone else 😳 ) but ultimately she’d have to make friends in her year who would end up with her like this 🤞

nine’s top classes would be potions and dada (defense against the dark arts). at first he’d try and mess up his potions to piss off snape, but then he realised that he was actually pretty good at it, so he stopped and tried to do it properly. he was never top of the class, and not the teacher’s favourite but he did well and he was proud of it. his favourite dada teacher probs would have been lupin (who could blame him) and he thought he was pretty cool

sam would love history of magic classes in my opinion. like they’d be his favourite part of the week because he was a history buff and loved learning about what brought around everything in his time yk? he’d also be really good at dada and lupin would love him because he always tries his best no matter if he succeeds or not

MARINA my goddess her top subjects would be herbology and magic in art because she’s the artsy hipster 🙄  duh this is ms sea queen we’re talking about. she’d have a natural knack for plants and it would be one of her favourite things to do, just go and help out neville with his plants THEY’D BE BESTIES FOR SURE and ella would just sit in the corner munching on a treacle tart and be like “you guys are NERDS”

five’s top subject would be potions too for sure and him and nine would have like this unspoken rivalry and would constantly try and one-up each other. he’d also suck up to snape and become his favourite and rub it in nine’s face

john’s favourite subjects would be charms and transfiguration. i feel like he’d have a problem where he’d be shit at memorising spells but he’s got talent so his friends would help him memorise the words with flashcards and stuff so he’d be prepared and not fail every single one of his tests

SIX the baddie she is as soon as she got on a broom she was like “YEAH THIS IS MY JAM!! TURN IT UP!!” and she would practice every summer because she had very high standards for herself until she finally felt she was good enough. she’d try out and get in immediately and soon become captain (sike you thought i’d make john captain Y’ALL THOUGHT WRONG). she’d be one of the best chasers gryffindor had seen and she’d be one of mcgonagall’s favourites (close to harry potter on that pedestal he has set up)

sarah would love cooking with magic (yes that’s a subject) because we all know she’s practically strawberry shortcake. she’d excel at it and she’d also probably excel at charms too because we all know she’s got that talent 

EIGHT MY MAN would be the best in the year at transfiguration. like no, his parents were NOT good at it, no one in his family was, but here we are with him getting the top mark time and time agAIN! yes this ties into his shapeshifting legacy but still he’d be so good at it i just know as well as POTIONS. this man would love cooking up evil shit in a basement for hours on end and i know he wouldn’t be super at it but he’d try

nine would also be friends with the weasley twins and plan so much shit and take the fall with them. if he didn’t show up to quidditch practice, everyone would sigh and go “who wants to make a bet how long it takes him to break out of detention”

john and sarah would be prefects and so would sam <3 (ily sam)

marina would run for prefect and insist on adam running too but he’d be like “nah man no one knows me” and she would secretly hand out fliers and shit and be like “vote adamus for prefect! he’s smart and courageous and i know he’d die for his house” and at the assembly or wherever it’s announced he’d win the title and he’d be like 😳  and constantly try and make it up to marina because she knew he wanted to be one

john, sam, and six would be in the year between the golden trio and nine, marina, five, eight, sarah and adam would be in the same year as fred and george. ella would be in the same year as ginny too and you bet your ass they’d be the best of friends

okay that’s all i have so far but please reblog and tell me your opinions cause i’m DYING to hear them LMAIEJRHSFe

[avatarrikki]

Figuring out the Nerd Lab’s ages... (HC as of 04/23/18)

Obviously Hiro is 14. That’s canon. It’s mentioned a million times. It’s fact.

But everyone else?

*Warning: Spoilers for BH6: The Series*

*Edit: This was created April 23, 2018, so any info learned after this date might not match up. May update this as we learn more. It’s just personal theories and headcannons.*

Also, this is going to be long because I am really, really, bored...

Tadashi:

It’s not mentioned in the movie, but the fact that he had his own lab in the building to work in most likely means he’s an upperclassman. Universities don’t have a whole lot of space to work with so they don’t just hand those bad boys out to anybody. You usually have to be a junior or senior with good academic standing to be given one of those. The average age of a junior is about 20, and by the end of senior year they’re usually 22 (and I didn’t get the impression Tadashi was a graduate student) so I feel he’s somewhere between 20-22, 6-8 years older than Hiro.

Big Hero 6 (Disney Book of Secrets): Hiro’s San Fransokyo Files says he is 18. This is considered Disney publications and I’m guessing this makes 18 canon. But I don’t agree, and I think diving into the series might change this.

In the first episode, Granville wonders what she should with this “upperclassman lab”, implying only upperclassmen are awarded them. Upperclassmen are juniors and seniors,while lowerclassman (or underclassman as spell check wants me to say) are freshmen and sophomores.

In the episode “Failure Mode”, which has yet to be released in the US at this time, Baymax mentions that one of Hiro’s designs for his project is the same thing Tadashi did when he took the class, which would imply Tadashi finished at least one full semester, most likely one full year, at the university before his death, making him not a freshmen by the start of the movie.

Tadashi also did 83 tests on Baymax. That would have taken a long time. He could have been working on Baymax as a freshman, but if he started as junior, (and he probably did because it seems like a lot of the videos of his tests were done in his lab) he was probably halfway through junior year, or fully through the year by the time Baymax was working. People usually end their junior year finally being able to drink alcohol so that would make him 21 depending on where his birthday fell during the school year.

As much as we all love Tadashi, and have been told he was a good student, I don’t think he would have gotten the lab freshmen or sophomore year. I don’t think he was a prodigy like Hiro. I think he started college at the time most people start college, around 18, and would have probably finished at 22.

Hiro got the lab as a freshmen because he’s our prodigy protagonist so obviously they’re going to give it to him (and probably because his brother was killed by one of their professors at an event they were hosting and if this had happened in real life you know the university would be trying to save face at the moment, not just with the family but with the public).

Anyway...

In conclusion, Tadashi seems to be between 20-22, and I’m going to headcannon 21. Tadashi just has that senior aura around him.

For the rest of the team, a lot of the clues come from the episode “Failure Mode”.

Gogo:

This is where things get a bit tricky, and I probably won’t get into it as much as I did Tadashi. There’s nothing to go on in the movie, and Disney hasn’t said anything about her.  Even though Gogo doesn’t have a private lab to work in like Tadashi, that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not an upperclassman. She might not be a great student, or more likely, her major might not offer private labs to students. But she is a college student, and is most likely between the ages of 18 and 22.

In “Failure Mode”, when Hiro shows everyone his second draft for his project, Gogo dryly remarks that that was what she did as a freshman. This establishes that this class Hiro is taking, that Tadashi also took, is a freshman class. But an even bigger clue is her saying: “that’s what I did when I was a freshman”, implying that she isn’t a freshman. She could now be anywhere between 19 and 22. 

There’s also a possibility she started earlier. Some people start college at 17 if their birthday barely misses the cutoff for what grade you can go into (that’s why you don’t see 3 year olds in 4th grade). Usually they’ll turn 18 within a couple of months of classes starting, but it’s not uncommon for it to happen. We already know Hiro and Karmi are the youngest to be admitted into SFIT at 14 and 15 respectively, so none of the team was admitted before 15. Gogo was the one who told Hiro in “Issue 188″ that he stole Karmi’s thing of being the youngest ever admitted to SFIT. Maybe she was admitted at 17 (or even 16) and knows how Karmi feels. That would make her between 17 and 22, but I don’t agree with that. Granville was worried about Karmi not making any friends because she’s antisocial and surrounded by adults, but Gogo is  also a bit antisocial and if she were seventeen years old, Granville (or maybe even Callaghan if Karmi was a student at the time he was dean) would have tried getting them to hang out together as the youngest students in school. (Granville might also be one of those teachers who likes pairing up her students but I digress).

I don’t think she’s older than Tadashi. I think Tadashi is the oldest of the group. The others seem to look up to him like that. But I do think she’s either an upperclassman, or close to being one. The first time we meet her, she’s driving her bike through a crowded lab without a care in the world, but also has this  way of describing her work as being not fast enough, and being a little annoyed by how it’s not working. The way she walks and talks seems more junior than freshman.

Anyway...

In conclusion, Gogo seems to be between 18-20, and I’m going to headcannon 20.

Honey Lemon:

Honey Lemon doesn’t have a private lab to work in like Tadashi, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not an upperclassman. Her major might not offer private labs to students. But she is a college student, and is most likely between the ages of 18 and 22.

By the way she works in the labs, and how she shows Hiro her project, she doesn’t give off that vibe of freshmen. I think she’s been at the university for a while, and has gotten into a little groove with her work.

Now in the series, we get a couple of clues. In “Failure Mode”, she mentions her own project that she did, and that she’s sure Hiro’s project is much different, implying she’s already taken this freshmen course. She’s most likely no longer a freshman, and is probably between 19-22.

She seems younger than Tadashi. She’s a lot more upbeat, like the weight of the real world hasn’t hit her yet, and she could be a bit younger than Gogo too. I think I’m narrowing it down to 19-21.

Anyway...

In conclusion, Honey Lemon seems to be between 19-21, and I’m going to headcannon an older 19, almost 20.

Wasabi:

Wasabi doesn’t have a private lab to work in like Tadashi, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not an upperclassman either. Hs major might not offer private labs to students. But he is a college student, and is most likely between the ages of 18 and 22.

I always got this older vibe off of Wasabi. He seems more mature than most college students.

In “Failure Mode”, Wasabi mentions getting lost to his first class. The way he mentions this, it sounds like it happened a long time ago and he’s no longer a freshman.. Given the fact they were at the school before Hiro arrived, I don’t think any of them would be freshman, but still. I think Wasabi is somewhere between 19 and 22.

I don’t think Wasabi is a senior, though. I think he’s a good enough student that as a senior he would most likely have gotten a private lab to work in. I’m shrinking it down to 19-21.

There’s not a lot for Wasabi. But I kind of like to headcannon that Tadashi and Wasabi met on that first day of classes, and Tadashi helped the poor guy find the right building.

Anyway...

In conclusion, Wasabi seems to be between 19-21, and I’m going to headcannon 21.

Fred:

Yeah, there’s even less for Fred.

He’s not a student, so we can’t use that as a stepping stone. He’s the school mascot (which they forget to mention in the series). I think with how late games and stuff go, there’s probably regulations in place for minors, so Fred is probably an adult. I don’t think the school would hire a teenager who can only work a certain amount of hours. But as a placeholder, he’s probably around 18-22.

In an earlier draft, he was supposed to be Tadashi’s lab rat. I think he can still be a lab rat for the team. He’d have to be older than 18 in order to do that, of course.

I also headcannon that his parents gave a lot of money to the school (like enough for a new wing) and the school was like “do you want us to let your son enroll here” and his parents were like “nah, he’s just a science enthusiast, but can he be the school mascot” and the school was like “uh....sure?”

Anyway...

In conclusion, Fred seems to be between 18-22, and I’m going to headcannon 19.

Baymax is, of course, ageless.

The End.

[aion-rsa]

I Think You Should Leave Season 2: Ranking Every Sketch

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How on Earth did we survive two years without new episodes of Netflix’s brilliant sketch comedy series I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson? The first batch of six episodes premiered on April 23 of 2019 and proved instantly iconic. 

Contained within the season’s roughly two-dozen sketches was absolutely hilarious and essential comedy that provided ample memetic kindling for the internet’s conversational fire. For the focused enough mind, it’s entirely possible to communicate with one’s friends exclusively in I Think You Should Leave memes. Lord knows, I’ve tried it.

Thankfully, ITYSL season 2 has finally arrived on Netflix after its COVID-19 delay. It features 28 sketches that range from “pretty funny” to “I can’t stop laughing. Oh God, I can’t stop laughing. It hurts, surely this is the end. Surely, I will die.”

Check out our rankings below and then begin yelling at our chances like Spectrum is dropping your network.

28. Credit Card Roulette

If nothing else, Tim Robinson and I Think You Should Leave co-creator Zach Kanin are incredible comedy scouts. Through two seasons, the show’s sketches have been a who’s who of up-and-coming comedic talent, like the wonderful John Early who is featured in this sketch. Unfortunately Early is not served well by the material here, which doesn’t rise to the same ludicrous heights as season 2’s other sketches. The best moment is Early’s immediate resolve that he’s not paying the bill, but the sketch doesn’t go too far after that. 

27. Dave’s Poop Double

The sketch that serves as the cold open of season 2’s final episode doesn’t get things off to the best start. The concept of Tim’s “Luka” hiring a guy who looks just like his coworker Dave to take monster shits every time he gets up is certainly fun but missing an important layer of added absurdity. Luka is probably the best name for any of Robinson’s random characters yet though.

26. Little Buff Boys Pt. 2

Season 2 features many more callbacks to previous sketches than the first season did. This followup to Little Buff Boys is the worst of the bunch but still quite funny. Perhaps the only thing more absurd than a Little Buff Boys competition is someone being proud of running “one of” the biggest LBB competitions in the Greater Cincinnati area. This sketch also passes up an easy Cincinnati Chili joke in favor of creating the truly vile “cherry chuck salad.”

25. Detective Crashmore Trailer

This trailer for action thriller Detective Crashmore is funny enough on its own but doesn’t reach another comedic level until the AOL Blast interview two sketches later. Still, I unironically want to see an action film with a lead character whose main quip is “Eat fucking bullets, you fuckers. You fucking suck. You fucking SUCK!”

24. I Should Have Got That

I Think You Should Leave deserves a big spread in AARP magazine. No other sketch show revels in the talents of older comedians quite like this one. After 81-year-old comedian Ruben Rabasa stole the show in season 1, season 2 ups the ante with many more sketches letting old folks shine. It’s Bob McDuff Wilson’s turn this time around and his child-like obsession with his student’s burger kills right up until the shockingly dark kicker.

23. Office Surfing

“I almost killed myself, Jullliieeeeee” is one of the best line-reads of the season. The sketch it’s built around isn’t too remarkable but man, does Robinson knock that one out of the park. 

22. “No, I Don’t Know How to Drive”

This is a quickie but a goodie. Robinson’s characters break down in tears quite often this season and this is one of the better occasions. How far have Tim’s characters come – from reveling in the existence of four-wheeled motorcycles to looking at the inside of a car and weeping “I don’t know what any of this shit is and I’m fucking scared.”

21. The Capital Room

Speaking of top tier comedic talent, thank God Patti Harrison stopped by another season of I Think You Should Leave. This time around, we get two heaping doses of Patti. This one, the first of the two, is the inferior but still quite great. In the span of roughly 30 seconds, Harrison unveils the saga of a woman who A. Got sewn into the pants of the Thanksgiving Day parade Charlie Brown float, B. Hates all bald boys, C. Sued the city and won a fortune, D. Is now helplessly addicted to wine, and E. Is tragically self-aware that her money will run out soon.

20. But It’s Lunch

Just like last year’s opening sketch, “But It’s Lunch” (this is probably a good time to mention, that I’m naming all of these things myself. You could very easily call this the Hotdog sketch but that would confuse it with last year’s hotdog sketch) sets the perfect opening mood. The sight gag of Robinson’s Pat trying to stealthily eat a hotdog is wonderful, and the fact that things so quickly escalate to hotdog surgery and puke is just sublime. 

19. Carber Hotdog Vacuum

The follow-up to “But It’s Lunch” occurs a full two episodes later and proves to be a hell of a pay-off. Robinson’s unnamed character (who is obviously Pat) very quickly reveals that there is one very specific reason he made this hotdog vacuum invention and you’ll never guess what it was. We all make mistakes. We shouldn’t be fired for them.

18. Insider Trading Trial (Stupid Hat)

This sketch somewhat mimics the experience of trying to explain what I Think You Should Leave is like to someone who has never seen it. “So, this guy took too small a slice of toilet paper…” or “…and then he has to have to have sex with his mother-in-law.” “Insider Trading” rotely describes the bizarre behaviors of one of Robinson’s deeply strange characters, Brian, as it’s being read into the court record. Brian and his stupid fedora with the safari flaps is in attendance to provide a visual aid. As are some hilarious flashbacks in which Brian attempts to roll the hat down his arm like Fred Astaire and instead encounters only wheelchair grease. 

17. The Ice Cream Store is Closed Today

Before he was a criminal lawyer, Bob Odenkirk was one of the most legendary sketch writers of all time. It’s only fitting that he stop by ITYSL season 2 to provide his comedic blessing. Odenkirk is great from the get-go but this one doesn’t really get rolling until the end when Robinson finds himself truly immersed in the fictional life of this sad old man. “His wife’s sick but she’s gonna get better” is a shockingly emotional moment amid pure farce.

16. Barbie and the Blues Brothers

This is the sketch that climbed the most in my rankings upon a second viewing. What first seemed to be a waste of Conner O’Malley’s manic comedic energy became a semi-classic once I submitted to its strange vibes. I don’t even know what to call this one but Robinson’s character refusing to stop dancing as Barbie the dog melts down is hilarious. O’Malley is better served by last season’s “honk if you’re horny” sketch, still he gets some bangers in this time around like “She thinks he’s a whole new guy because of the glasses and the hat” and “it’s her house, she’s doing what’s right!” Robinson once again closes this nonsense out with some well-earned tears. “It’s just me, Barbie. I’m not the Blues Brothers.”

15. Jaime Taco (I Love My Wife)

“Jamie Taco” is a prime example of just how rapidly (and how well) I Think You Should Leave is able to veer into pure nonsensical genius. At the top, this sketch comes perilously close to making an actual statement about how men are too quick to pretend like their wives are horrible nags. This sketch, however, has its sights set on something much dumber…and therefore better. Our hero (played hilariously by Richard Jewell’s Paul Walter Hauser) loves his wife because she helped him through his darkest moment, which just so happens to be when snotty young actor Jamie Taco refused to let him say his Henchman lines in a play.

14. Comos Restaurant 

All hail the return of the great Tim Heidecker! Heidecker, of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! fame, is one of the few comedians with a strange enough sensibility to be reasonably seen as an I Think You Should Leave forerunner. His season 1 turn as a walnut-obsessed jazz douche is a classic and this one reaches similar heights. This time, Heidecker’s character, Gary, and his lovely date, Janeane (Tracey Birdsall), have good reason to be annoyed by their date night at the sci-fi cosmos restaurant being interrupted by some hacky jokes. Of course, they use this opportunity to reveal that Jeannine’s mom used to drink puke for the Davy and Rascal radio show to pay for school supplies. It’s oddly refreshing to have a Heidecker character given a game partner and Gary and Janeane make one great team.

13. Detective Crashmore Interivew

While the Detective Crashmore trailer is the setup, this interview with AOL Blast is the punchline. Detective Crashmore is played by Santa Claus, because why not? Actor Biff Wiff’s gruff, nasally Midwestern timber is the perfect accent to accompany this lunacy. This is a Santa who in one breath demands to be taken seriously as an actor (Billy Bob Thornton-style) and in the next admits to seeing everyone in the world’s dick.

12. Sloppy Steaks (I Used to Be a Piece of Shit)

From here on out, it’s nothing but absolute homeruns. “Sloppy Steaks” could very well have been number one on this list and few would have batted an eye. The setup here is amazing as it gives Tim Robinson a reason to essentially have beef with a baby. The baby cries because he knows Robinson used to be a piece of shit. But don’t babies understand that people can change? That’s funny enough to begin with, but the real gut-busting moment here is the reveal of what “being a piece of shit” really means. In this case it means slicking one’s hair back and dousing the steaks at Truffoni’s with water to make sloppy steaks.

11. Johnny Carson Impersonator

Just a quick rundown for those who are confused…

Johnny Carson = Can Hit. George Kennedy = Can’t Hit. George Bush = Can’t Hit. 

10. Driving School (Her Job is Tables)

This is the rare I Think You Should Leave sketch that actually provides an answer to all the lunacy. As Robinson’s character’s Driver’s Ed class watches Patti Harrison’s actress in some dated videos, they can’t help but wonder what she does for a living. “Tables,” Robinson answers over and over again. This would be funny enough on its own but the reveal that Harrison provides tables to Monster Cons is a rare and valuable moment of “Ohhhhh that’s why” for this show. Equally as valuable is Harrison, who really sells that those tables are her lifeblood.

9. Claire’s Ear-Piercings

One has to wonder how much time goes into choosing the perfect “order” for the sketches in I Think You Should Leave. Two seasons in a row now, the show has selected pitch perfect opening and closing sketches. This closing number is oddly melancholic as the Claire’s orientation video for girls who want to get their ears pierced somehow gives way to one 58-year-old man named Ron Tussbler’s existential dread. If we really get to see the “highlights” after we die, forcibly fake laughing every ten minutes to make the voyeuristic experience all the richer sounds like a good strategy and not sad at all. Hang in there, Ron.

8. Little Buff Boys Competition

What. A. Crop. It was a virtual certainty that ITYSL season 2 would feature a spiritual successor to the classic “Baby of the Year” sketch in season 1. Thank God “Little Buff Boys” is up to the challenge of replicating that magic. This one has all the right elements to be another hit: Sam Richardson (in a wig this time, no less), a grand pageant hall, and some precocious youths. Troll Boy also joins the canon of young ITYSL characters who everybody instinctively hates alongside Bart Harley Jarvis.

7. Tammy Craps

There’s something weirdly nefarious about this commercial for a poisonous doll that doesn’t have farts in her head anymore. It’s a criticism of late stage capitalism crossed with the cursed nature of the Annabelle movies…while not being like either of those things at all. In reality, this is just another absurdist concept sprung from the terrifying inner depths of the writing staff’s mind. It also happens to be a particularly great one. The girl weighing her clothes down with rocks so she can hit the magical 60-pound threshold to safely play with Tammy Craps is one of the best gags of the season.

6. Karl Havoc

“Little Buff Boys Competition” and another upcoming sketch are likely to produce the lion’s share of memes and quotes from this season of ITYSL. But the one quote that’s stuck in my mind most aggressively comes from this hilarious episode 1 clip. The sight of Robinson’s Carmine Laguzio posing as the dead-faced freakshow Karl Havoc and muttering “I don’t want to be around anymore” is quite simply one of the funniest things I’ve ever witnessed. This is a marvelous, unnerving, utterly hilarious sketch. That there are somehow five better sketches speaks to how strong this season is. 

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5. Dan Flashes Pt. 1 (Office)

I Think You Should Leave is now two for two in introducing the most cutting edge items in men’s fashion. Season 1 featured the arrival of the highly practical TC Tugger shirt. Now season 2 ups the ante with the stylish Dan Flashes. This sketch succeeds because it takes a simple question “Why is Mike laying down during a business meeting?” and divines the most outlandish answer possible. Mike isn’t eating because he’s spending all his money on Dan Flashes shirts. 

4. Dan Flashes Pt. 2 (Hotel Menu)

It’s one thing to introduce a hilarious concept, it’s another thing entirely to put it into practice. This second entry into the Dan Flashes canon is amazing. Back in part 1, it seemed as though the intricate patterns on the Dan Flashes shirts have a hypnotic effect on men who look exactly like Tim Robinson. Seeing the reality of that – pasty men battling one another to get their credit cards to the cashier before the other – is truly hilarious stuff.

3. Coffin Flop

This is the second sketch of the entire season…the second! And holy shit, does it set a strong precedent for what’s to come. This impassioned message from the Corncob TV CEO for Spectrum to save his network and its precisely one television program is a masterclass in shock humor. Watching body after body busting out of shit wood somehow never loses its grim luster. Somehow, in a sketch that features dozens of naked corpses flopping to the ground unexpectedly, it’s Robinson’s monologue that hits the hardest. “This world is so fucked up. And people are mad at me because I showed a bunch of naked dead bodies with their spread blue butts flying out of boxes? Really?”

2. Calico Cut Pants

Every episode of I Think You Should Leave season 2 features five sketches save for episode 4 which has only three. And that’s because episode 4 is dominated by a near 10-minute epic called “Calico Cut Pants.” In many ways, Calico Cut Pants is the platonic ideal of an ITYSL sketch. It takes place in a nightmarish world where every bizarre action only leads to an even more bizarre reaction. Nothing ever cools down. There is always something stranger on the horizon.

In this instance, Mike O’Brien (longtime SNL writer and the creator of the terminally underrated comedy A.P. Bio) plays an office drone who enters into a living hell merely because his co-worker helps him out of a mildly annoying social jam. Robinson’s character introduces him to a website that advertises pants with piss stains on them. That’s all well and good but once you know about Calicocutpants.com you Always. Have. To. Give. It’s like PBS, but more demonic. This remarkable sketch includes everything that’s great about this show, right down to characters with inexplicable idiosyncrasies like Tim Robinson’s adamance that doors must always be held open for him.

1. Ghost Tour

The funniest moment in ITYSL season 2 (and maybe the funniest moment in the history of the world) occurs in this sketch. Tim Robinson’s character has been admonished for his potty mouth during a ghost tour over and over again. The tour guide even said he’s ruining his job. But this poor man sincerely cannot understand why he’s in trouble. This is a tour for adults and he’s following the rules by using adult language. Like any good Robinson character, he truly believes that he’s the sane one and it’s the rest of the world that’s taking crazy pills.

So in his darkest moment, the man musters up his strength through tears and delivers the following query:

“Not trying to be funny. Not trying to get a laugh. I don’t want anybody to have the worst day at their job. But. Do any of these….fuckers….ever blast out of the wall and have, like a huge cum shot?”

Cue: riotous, damn near apocalyptic laughter. What a treasure and blessing this whole show is.

I Think You Should Leave season 2 is available to stream on Netflix now.

The post I Think You Should Leave Season 2: Ranking Every Sketch appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[the-jade-cross]

Fairy of Hogwarts - Chapter 3

“You feeling better Ginny?" Arya inquired.

Ginny smiled from her position on the hospital bed, "Yes, thank you Arya."

the girl sat down on the end of Ginny's bed and handed her a chocolate frog, "Harry asked me to give you this."

Ginny smiled as she took it and blushed, "How is he?"

"Better. still bed ridden," Arya replied.

Arya looked at Ginny and saw that the girl was smiling to herself. Smirking, Arya sat back.

"So, it must have been cool having Harry save you!"

Ginny glanced at Arya and smiled, "Sadly I don't remember any of it cuz I was unconscious."

"How has it been.... with Harry?" Arya asked.

The girl sighed, "Hard. Some times I think he likes me back and other times it doesn't seem like it."

Arya nodded, "That's when it's tough. Just hang in there. Harry is worth fighting for."

"He is that," Ginny whispered. "What about you? Have you found a guy you like?"

Arya shrugged, "Theres a bunch of guys I like.... as friends... nothing more. I honestly don't know if I care for someone as much as you love Harry.... honestly I've never felt I so I don't know what it is like."

Ginny smiled, "It's wonderful! It's painful at times but most of the time it feels good. You feel happy whenever you're around him.... sad when he's not around. You worry about him no matter what, fall asleep thinking of him."

"You're definitely in love," Arya whispered.

"Sh," Ginny hissed, "Don't let Harry hear!"

Arya smirked and Ginny's eyes grew wide, "Don't even think of telling him!"

"I wont," Arya promised.

YEAR 3

"Hey Arya," Luna greeted. "Where are you off to?"

They had just recently started their third year but Arya had spent all summer at Hogwarts, helping the professors start for the next year and to practice her powers with Minerva and Dumbledore.

Arya looked up from where she was trying to walk down the hallway, a knapsack on her back that carried her medical stuff, a pile of books she needed for her classes and a box that carried little nicknacks that Fred and George had bestowed upon her as a welcome to third year gift.

"Oh I have to drop by Professor Dumbledore's to talk about fire use. Then I'm off to potions with the trio."

Luna nodded, "Well I'm off to herbology."

"Say hi to neville for me!" Arya called as her best friend scurried off.

Arya soon came upon the stairs but found it incredibly difficult. She was angry that she didn't know how many steps there were so she was fated to trip. Reaching the bottom, she didn't know she had reached the bottom and she tumbled forward, dropping everything.

She landed on her hands and knees, her bag slamming into her back hard.

"Oh ow," she groaned, slowly getting up.

A hand reached out to help her and she took it, "Thanks."

When she was pulled up, she was surprised to see none other than Draco Malfoy standing there. It had been all summer since she had seen him and he had changed... not a lot but his hair wasn't slicked back as much and he actually looked handsome.

"Well if it isnt the school's own little healer," Draco said in a rather kind tone.

He reached down and began to pick up the girl's books. Arya scooped Fred and George's gifts back into the box and picked it up. Draco held out the books to her and Arya was about to take them when he stopped.

"Hey you're carrying enough. I'll help."

Keeping the pile of books in his arms, he walked with Arya. The girl felt strangely nervous around him. Draco was never this nice and it had been two years since he had owl written her. Now, he was carrying her books for her.

"So you stayed here all summer? that's gotta stink."

Arya shook her head, "not nearly. Most of the time I had free time to work with the professors on my talents."

"How is it going?" Draco inquired, immediately intrigued.

"Okay," Arya admitted, "I'm still having trouble with the pure."

"The pure?" Draco inquired.

Arya nodded, "it's a spell that only faerie's can cast. It's when the soul of the faerie and the soul of his or her loved one combine and protect everyone around them... I thought it would be the soul of one of my brothers or my parents. No such luck."

"Maybe it has to be your soulmate," Draco suggested

"Maybe so."

When they reached the classroom, Arya took her books from Draco and thanked him, earning a smirk in return. Draco sauntered over to sit next to Goyle while Arya plopped down next to Luna.

"Right everyone," Slughorn called. "We're going to be working on creating the love potion today."

Luna and Arya began getting the necessities out and stood up, preparing their cauldrons. Just then, Arya heard a whisper and turned to see Draco trying to get her attention.

Looking at him out of the corner of her eye, she saw Draco quickly fold up a paper bird and make it fly in her direction.

She knew that the bird was a letter folded up so when it landed on her cauldron, she unfolded it and read it. It was a picture of Arya making a potion and as it began to move, she saw that as the drawing her poured stuff into the cauldron, Draco's face appeared in the water.

She rolled her eyes, knowing that Draco was implying that when she made the potion, she would think of him. She looked at Draco to see him grinning at her with a smirk and she huffed. Grabbing a pencil, she drew on the picture before sending it back to Draco.

She watched Draco open it and smirked when she saw his eyes widen. She had changed the picture so that when Draco's face appeared in the cauldron, she would pour something else in the pot and it would explode. That's what you get for trying to flirt with her Malfoy!

"Good to have you back guys!" Arya chirped to Fred and George.

Fred grabbed the girl by the waist and hauled her onto George's back. Trying to not drop her bear book, Arya looped one arm around George's neck and clutched her bag with the other.

"Glad to see you little one," George remarked, trotting towards the others with Arya on his back.

"Heads up brother," Fred whispered. "Malfoy on the loose."

The twins looked over at Draco to see that the boy was watching them out of the corner of his eye, a glare on his face. Fred and George exchanged looks. They weren't stupid but they had noticed that Draco would look infuriated whenever they played around with Arya.

George set Arya down and ruffled her red hair before the girl trotted over to Luna and Ginny.

"If you were older, I would say that Fred and George had a crush on you," Ron suggested.

Arya rolled her eyes, "Oh come on! They're like big brothers! why are you always assuming things like that Ron?"

"Because he's in love!" Ginny whispered, earning a snicker from Luna and Harry.

Arya chuckled, trying to hide her grin behind her mouth as Ron looked at them in puzzlement.

"Psst Arya," Ginny whispered in her ear, "Don't look now, but Malfoy is staring."

Arya waited a few seconds before looking over in Draco's direction. He was standing near the front of the group, chewing on an apple while looking directly at her. She didn't understand the look on his face. It wasn't content, happy, angry or sad.... it was just blank but he wouldn't stop staring at her. Arya ducked her head away and looked at Ginny.

"What is his deal?"

Ginny grinned and at once Hermione answered, "Because he's not the only one."

Arya cocked her head in puzzlement and Hermione pointed around. Sure enough, there were at least four other boys Arya's age or older who were looking at her.

"Do I have something on my face?" Arya whispered.

Ginny chuckled, "No Arya. They're looking at you because you've changed over the summer. Your hair is more auburn, your face is adorable with those freckles but you've also gotten older... and prettier."

Arya ducked her head, "No I haven't."

the two girls nodded, "Yeah you have," Hermione whispered. "Even Ron and Harry pointed it out when we arrived. Face it Arya, you're the school beauty at least for our year."

Luckily, Hagrid approached and began the class so Arya got her mind off of the many eyes watching her.

"Now this is buckbeak," Hagrid explained. "He's a temperamental fella. Who would like to say hello first?"

Everyone stepped back and Arya noticed that she and Harry hadn't moved.

"Harry, Arya, which of you two would like to go first?" Hagrid inquired.

Harry looked to Arya in fright. He didn't want to go first, "Ladies first."

Arya rolled her eyes and playfully socked him, "Oh you're going to pay for that!"

Sighing, the girl stepped forward, ignoring everyone else who was whispering to themselves. She approached Buckbeak slowly.

"Now bow," Hagrid instructed.

Arya was just about to bow when Buckbeak snorted. Everyone froze. The beast walked over to Arya and standing barely five inches away from her, he lowered down and bowed incredibly low to her.

There were gasps in the crowd and Hagrid chuckled, "Well what do you know!"

Buckbeak didn't rise until Arya approached him and touched his head. The griffin looked at her and nuzzled his huge head into her chest, making her chuckle.

"Harry," Hermione whispered. "Malfoy alert."

Harry looked over to see that Malfoy was watching Arya and Buckbeak with a bright smile on his face and adoration in his eyes. Harry and Ron had made a pact with all the boys they knew to keep an eye on Malfoy. They had all noticed how Malfoy had liked Arya in the first year and after the potions class the day before, they had banded together to make sure Malfoy didn't try anything with their little fairy, which they had now decided to call Arya.

"Can I go now Hagrid?" harry inquired.

Arya stepped back and Harry stepped forward. While Harry was doing his thing, Luna literally jumped on Arya.

"What did you do!? A griffin never bows to someone unless they bow first!"

"he must have sensed who she was," Hermione suggested. "He must have gotten a vibe that she was a faerie and he wanted to be respectful."

"Respectful my foot," Ron muttered. "That was bloody brilliant."

Arya smiled at her friends as Ron hugged her. She didn't know why Ron was hugging her but she did notice Draco glaring at the Weasley out of the corner of her eye.

Soon, Arya was so busy talking with Luna that she didn't notice what had happened until Buckbeak was standing before her. Everyone else backed away but Arya shushed them.

"It's okay."

Buckbeak leant down and brushed the girl's hair with his beak and she chuckled.

Harry beamed at her, "he likes you! Do you have that affect on everyone?"

Arya smiled, knowing he was referring to animals but Draco didn't think so. Storming over, he pushed Harry aside as far from Arya as he could.

"You're not such a dangerous beast are you?" Draco said, looking at Buckbeak.

"Draco," Hagrid warned, "DOnt forget to bow!"

Draco ignored him and approached Arya and Buckbeak. he wasn't intending on doing anything to Arya but he wanted to prove that Buckbeak wasn't almighty, and also to get Potter as far from Arya as he could.

Buckbeak growled and pushed Arya away from Draco.

"Draco no," Arya warned but it was too late.

Buckbeak reared and struck Draco in the arm with his hoof. Hagrid rushed to Draco and Arya calmed Buckbeak down.

"it's okay boy," she whispered.

"Arya," Hagrid said, lifting Draco up, "You should come with me to the medical bay. You'll probably be needed."

Arya nodded as Hagrid called recess. She spied Draco looking at her from Hagrid's arms but she glared at him.

Arya was with Luna in the Gryffindor's common room. They were all watching Harry and Ron who were battling against each other in Wizard's Chess.

"Ooh that was a bad move Harry," Arya whispered, earning a nod from Luna.

Just then, there was a knock at the door and Professor Dumbledore entered, causing everyone to fall silent.

"Ah there you are Arya," Dumbledore greeted, "I need your help."

Arya got up from her spot on the floor, "What is wrong professor?"

"I know you and Draco are not exactly friends but he will not let Madam Pomfrey help and he won't fall asleep. Madam Pomfrey is at her wits end and asked if you might come and try to calm the boy down."

Arya closed her eyes and sighed, not wanting to roll her eyes in front of Dumbledore. Sighing, she nodded, "Okay."

Everyone groaned, upset that they were losing Arya's company to Draco. What was worse, none of the boys could go and make sure Draco behaved himself.

"Wish me luck," Arya groaned to Fred and George.

"If he gets annoying," Fred said.

"Wallop him," George added. "You have our permission."

Arya smiled and nodded, "Will do."

A few minutes later Arya entered the medical bay to see Madam Pomfrey rushing about.

"Oh Arya, thank goodness you're here!" she cried. "That boy is a nuisance and he cannot leave till I change his dressings but he wont let me! I couldn't call any of his friends down because besides prefects, only you are allowed to come down here at this hour. Can you try to change his dressings?"

Arya nodded and headed over to the curtained off area where Draco sat.

Draco considered the boy who was glaring into space. He looked a fright. His hair wasn't as slick as usual and his arm in a sling and bandaged up.

Crossing her arms, Arya leant against the wall while Draco noticed her presence. He smiled but Arya glared.

"Seriously?" she snapped. "Cant you be a decent human being for five seconds and let someone change your dressings? You're worse than my baby brother!"

Draco smirked as the girl sat down next to his bed and began gathering cleaning material and bandages, "It's not my fault that Pomfrey is obnoxious."

Arya snorted, "Guess who rubbed it off on her?"

"I'm not obnoxious," Draco objected.

Arya rolled her eyes and sat her bag down on the table next to the bed, "Well try to at least be decent while I change your bandages."

Standing up, ignoring Draco's smirks, she removed his sling and grabbed his wounded arm. Of course he didn't even flinch when she squeezed and she knew it wasn't that bad. Removing the bandages, she saw that all those bandages and the sling were barely necessary.

Grabbing a warm cloth she began to clean it while humming to herself. She didn't notice Draco's eyes watching her... never leaving her.

"What's that song?" he inquired.

Arya looked up, having almost forgotten he was there, "Oh a song my brothers taught me when I was little. They would sing it to me when I was scared."

"I'm sure you sing better than they did," Draco remarked smugly.

Arya snorted, "Not really. My singing is pretty lame."

With that, she began bandage the wound.

"Well you make up for it in your looks," Draco remarked, flashing the girl a smirk.

That smirk was different from his 'I told you so' kind of smirks and Arya didn't understand it but she shrugged it off and began to fix his sling. She sat back and began to grab her things when Draco spoke up.

"Can I ask you something?"

Arya shrugged.

"Why do you never respond when people flirt with you?"

Arya stopped, a handful of books in her hand, "What are you talking about?"

"Whenever a guy flirts with you, it goes clear over your head. You act like it didn't even happen," Draco explained, frustration evident in his voice.

"Well for one thing," Arya pointed out. "no one has ever flirted with me and for another, I don't even know what it is."

Draco's mouth almost dropped open and his eyebrows shot up, "You don't know what it is?"

Arya nodded. Draco pursed his lips, trying to think of a way to explain flirting to her and realized, he didnt have a good description. Suddenly his eyes fell on a book she carried. PRIDE AND PREJUDICE. he was instantly glad that his parents had made him read it.

"Your book. When Mr. Wickham was alone with Elizabeth and kinda left her stunned," Draco explained, earning a nod from Arya, "That is flirting."

Arya thought a moment, trying to remember the part and then it registered, "Then I suppose flirting is a bad thing because Mr. Wickham did it but didn't really mean it."

Draco almost choked on his own words, stunned, "What makes you think that?"

"Because apparently it's what all the bad guys do," Arya said. "Thanks for the warning."

With that, she got up and trotted off to class, leaving a stunned Draco. He could faintly hear her talking to herself as she left.

"If someone ever flirts with you... he's a bad guy... good to know."

Draco facepalmed and groaned, "Oh way to go Malfoy! Just peachy! Now she'll think you're a bad guy!"

When Draco was let out, the first idea that popped into his head was to find Arya. Of course, the usual thing he would do was go and locate Crabb and Goyle but for some reason he couldn't get the conversation he had with the girl out of his head.

Heading through the whole of hogwarts, he had to ask Luna where the girl had gone before he finally found her in the abandoned girl's bathroom where Moaning Myrtle resided. When he found her, he hid in the shadows for he saw that all the hogwarts ghosts were in the bathroom, all talking to Arya.

The girl was wearing a rather cute outfit and was sitting on one of the bathroom sinks, listening to the ghosts chatter. Moaning Myrtle was sitting beside her and they were talking about who knows what.

"Have you managed to master fire use?" Sir Nicolas asked of the girl.

Arya shrugged, "Mostly. I almost set Luna's bed on fire the other night so I would say it's not perfected."

The ghosts all chuckled at the idea of Luna getting scared out of her life from her bed burning.

"What's on your mind lass?" Helena Ravenclaw asked. "I can tell something is troubling you."

Arya sighed, "I was just alerted to the definition of flirting."

All at once, Helena and Myrtle squealed with excitement which only caused Arya to roll her eyes.

"Who is the lucky guy?" Helena inquired. "Did you return it? DO you like him back?"

"Woah pull it back a ways," Peeves remarked. "She just said she found out the definition."

"Please explain my dear," Nicolas inquired.

Arya sighed and fiddled with her jean shorts, "I was called into the medical bay to help Draco Malfoy... and he asked why I never returned any man's flirting and when I told him I didn't know what it was, he described it for me."

"How did he describe it?" Myrtle inquired, skeptically.

"He used a description from Pride and Prejudice."

"Oh that is a bad example," Helena sighed. "Sweetie, sometimes flirting isnt a bad thing. Flirting doesn't mean that the person is a bad person. Flirting is a way of showing your attraction to someone by openly expressing what he or she likes about the other."

Arya nodded, "I think I'm getting it..."

"So Malfoy thinks that a lot of guys flirt with you?" Peeves inquired. "Have you noticed anything?"

Arya shook her head, "I mean... Harry and Ron say I look pretty sometimes.... but that's about it."

Nicolas nodded and patted the girl on the shoulder, "You'll know when you see it."

"What should I do if someone does try to flirt with me?" the girl pushed.

Draco felt his heart stop. What were the ghosts going to tell her?

"I would suggest that if you don't like the person, ignore the flirtations or tell him to buzz off," Helena suggested. "If you don't mind him but do not return his attraction, act like he wasn't flirting but just complimenting you.... but if you like the person...."

"Play hard to get," Myrtle suggested. "If the boy really likes you, he'll find a way to get to you even if you are trying to be stubborn."

Arya smiled but Draco cringed. Arya was already known as being a very determined and stubborn person. If she was going to play hard to get, it would be impossible for him to even get a word in!

"Thanks for the advice everyone," the girl said, getting up. "I should head to Boggart class now."

LATER

Draco couldn't help it. He couldn't exactly help in the class but he could watch. He saw Arya standing with Hermione and Luna, chatting happily and it annoyed him. Why must those disgusting Gryffindors surround her all the time?

"Now, our lesson today will be on fighting against Boggarts," Professor Lupin explained. "We will practice the redikkulus spell on a boggart."

The kids all got into a line to see who would go first, meaning that Neville was going to be first. Arya found herself squashed between Luna and Ron. When Ron went, Arya shivered at the sight of the horrible spider.

Finally it was her turn and the boggart paused a moment before changing.... into Arya. Arya's eyes widened but then she realized that it wasn't her... it was Ashanya! It was when they were little.... Ashanya was crying and she had a knife sticking through her chest.

"Arya!" Professor Lupin cried, rushing forward.

The boggart changed to a full moon and Lupin performed the spell. When they turned to look at Arya, she was frozen, tears streaming down her face and her eyes wide.

"Are you alright my dear?" Lupin asked.

Arya slowly nodded but everyone knew she wasn't, "Can I be excused?"

Lupin nodded and Arya wasted no time in sprinting from the class. Draco watched her go in puzzlement. He looked back at the boggart which was now locked in the cabinet again... who was that girl? Why did it scare Arya so much?

After class, Draco was heading back to the Slytherin Common room when he noticed a small figure sitting against the wall in the dark, crying.

Draco approached and could tell from the  red hair that it was Arya.

"What happened back there?" he asked, crouching down in front of her.

Arya lifted her eyes and Draco swallowed. She looked so beautiful when she was crying but it hurt his heart to see her crying.

"My twin sister Ashanya," Arya replied. "She was killed by a death eater when we were little....It looked so real Draco...."

Draco nodded, understanding the horror of seeing something that horrible happen all over again. Sitting down next to the girl, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"It's alright. We all have our fears."

Arya sniffled and dried her eyes. She smiled at the boy, "Thanks Draco. I'm sorry if I've upset your day."

Draco shook his head, "Don't worry about it. I was a rotten friend to you the past few years. Its the least I can do."

Arya smiled but then looked at her wrist watch, "I have to go to divination. See you later."

With that, she leant over and planted a soft kiss on Draco's cheek before standing up and heading off briskly. Draco sat there a moment in the spot, completely frozen. Arya Gerasimov had kissed him!

"DRACO!" Pansy's voice screeched. "COME ON!"

ya was heading down the hallway on her way back to her dorm when she was stopped by Dumbledore.

"I think you might want to come with me my dear," the headmaster said. "The sorting hat wishes to speak with you."

When they arrived in his office, Arya spoke her mind, "but the sorting hat never asks to talk to anyone."

Dumbledore nodded, "It seems this time it's important."

The girl approached where the sorting hat was sitting and picked it up. she rested the hat on her head and at once it began to talk.

"Ah, Arya Gerasimov. Long time no see,"

"What is it that you want of me Mr. Hat?" she asked, sitting down.

"Dumbledore mentioned that you are conflicted about many things. For the past year and a half your mind has been torn in several directions. What is troubling you?"

What neither Arya, Dumbledore nor the hat knew was that Draco Malfoy had just had an encounter with Hermione during which the girl had punched him. Crabb and Goyle were running ahead of him when they passed the office. the door was slightly ajar and it caught Draco's curious attention.

Creeping to the door, he peered in to see Arya sitting on a couch with the sorting hat on her head. They were obviously in a deep conversation for Arya's eyebrows were furrowed.

"If you know everything that is happening in hogwarts right now, then how come you don't know what is wrong with me?"

"There is nothing wrong with you child," the hat replied. "You are just conflicted. Why is that? What is on your mind?"

Arya sighed and fidgeted with her skirt. Draco swallowed. Since Boggart class last year, Draco had tried numerous times to flirt with her but she either didn't catch on or some Gryffindor stole the girl away. it was incredibly difficult for Draco to be near her because the twins, Harry, Ron and Seamus were on the defense.

"It's just... I like this certain boy.... but I don't know if he likes me back.... and I don't know that liking him is the best thing for either of us," Arya admitted.

Draco felt his heart drop. She liked someone else....

The hat chuckled softly, "My dear Arya. You can put your mind at rest for the boy you like likes you back."

Great! Draco thought; that minimizes the possibilities to about twenty boys from the whole school. SO NOT HELPFUL!

Arya furrowed her brow, "How do you know that?"

"Because when I sorted him into his house, I read his future. I know everyone's future. When I read his future, I saw you in it.... I saw all the times he would feel his love for you...."

"But that doesn't necessarily mean he likes me right now does it?" Arya inquired.

"Not necessarily," The hat agreed. "What you need to do now is be patient, let time tell."

"But I'm not sure that loving him is the best thing," Arya started but the hat interrupted her.

"Believe me, it's exactly what both of you need."

Arya sighed and nodded, "Very well. Thank you Mr. Hat."

With that, she removed the hat and returned it to his post.

Draco scurried from the door just before Arya headed out. He needed to know.... he needed to know who it was that Arya liked. That way he could try to get between her and him.

Later, Draco found his way into the medical bay. he had made an excuse to Crabb and Goyle so they wouldn't follow him. He headed into the room to find that Arya was alone, cleaning the room up.

"Hey there," she greeted, "What happened this time?"

"Sore jaw," Draco replied.

Arya led him over to a bed and had him sit down on the edge. she sat down beside him and touched his jaw, inspecting the bruise, "It's just a bruise. It will be gone within two days. Who started the fight?"

"Not me," Draco said but Arya rolled her eyes.

"Well then who finished it?"

When Draco didn't reply, Arya knew that he had started it but he hadn't finished it.

"What was it about anyway?" she asked, rolling up a few bandages that were lying on the table.

"Granger was mad because Buckbeak is going to be executed and she decided to blame me," Draco replied.

Arya dropped the box she was holding and it clattered to the ground, "Buckbeak is going to be executed?"

Draco felt himself internally smack himself for the fear and horror in her face was evident, "Yeah... today. Probably already done by now."

Arya sank down to the bed and buried her face in her hands, "No, no, no... they can't do that! He didn't mean to hurt you!"

"THat's not what my father thought," Draco remarked.

Arya's head snapped up, "Your father? How did your father hear about this?"

"I told him," Draco replied without thinking.

At once, Arya's face went red, "You ratted to your father because you got a scratch!??!?!?!? What were you thinking?"

"The beast was dangerous," Draco objected.

"HE WAS PROTECTING ME!" Arya shouted. "The reason he hurt you was because he thought you were going to hurt me! He was defending me!"

Draco felt his mouth go dry and he stared, "Wha.... what?"

"He was just trying to protect me!" Arya cried. "And you ratted out to your dad!"

"I had no idea!" Draco retorted.

Arya's face was red with fury. "But you don't have to go cry to your father every time something doesn't go your way! Harry didn't go whine to his parents when he got bitten by the Basalisk!"

"That's because Potter doesn't have parents," Draco muttered.

He had no idea where it came from but his cheek, the bruised one, was suddenly stinging from where Arya had slapped him had on the face.

"You're wicked," she hissed. "You're wicked, arrogant, proud and self serving ferret! You have no idea what it feels like to lose someone that close to you!"

Before Draco could even speak, Arya had stormed off, leaving the upset box on the ground before him. Bending down, Draco began to pick up the items until one thing caught his eye. It was a picture in a frame. Picking it up, he realized that it was of Arya and her sister Ashanya with all her siblings and parents.... when they were little. Arya looked so happy with her curly hair all over the place and Ashanya's straight hair perfectly pulled back... they looked so happy....

Arya was right. He had no idea what it felt like to lose a loved one like that.