#dick when he’s first starting out as robin always makes me giggle

[suppernerd]

Everytime someone acknowledges that dick grayson as robin is both a ray of sunshine and an angry disobedient little shit (affectionate) an angel gains its wings

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

DPXDC prompt. Nanny Wilson

Little Danny is almost lost in the mall when his parents suddenly run too fast in an attempt to catch up a ghost that their equipment has detected. Young Fenton is not a crybaby at all, but being alone without daddy and mommy is a little scary, so he begins to whimper and run around, trying to find familiar features in the blurry figures around him. Finally, he bumps into the thigh with a gun. It doesn't look much like an ectoblast, but dad is always inventing something new, so Danny quickly hugs this leg as hard as he can and begs loudly.

Danny: Daddy! Don't leave me! Slade: What the hell… Boy, I'm not your dad.

Danny blinks a few times and realizes that this man really doesn't look like Jack.

Danny: Oh. I'm sowwy. Can you help me find my daddy?

Slade: What makes you think I'm going to do this?

Danny: You have a gun and dad has a gun, so you're good. Are you here to hunt too? Slade: Something like that...What's your father's name, kid?

Jack: Danny! There you are!

A huge figure in a hazmat suit rushes towards them and Danny notices that his new friend is hastily hiding the weapon. To cheer up the man who is obviously meeting Jack Fenton for the first time, Danny smiles broadly. Dad may look scary, but he doesn't steal other people's toys.

Jack: Oh, thanks for looking after him. Our goal turned out to be too fast and we didn't even notice when our boy started to fall behind. Slade: No problem, colleague. Maddie: ? Danny: Kind uncle is also a hunter. Maddie: Oh, that's great! Em, sorry, but is there any chance that you have a time to look after our boy for a few days? We'll pay you well. You see, he rarely trusts people so quickly, and we absolutely do not have time to look for a replacement for our old nanny, and we really need to complete the last project as soon as possible.

Looking at the giggling boy trying to see if there are any other interesting things on him, Wilson decides that this will not be a bad experience in case he decides to establish a relationship with his found daughter.

Slade: All right, I'll take your order.

~~~About ten years later~~~

Danny, who is much more familiar with death than in canon, after being freshly ghosted: Damn, nanny will be so mad at me.

~~~~~ Danny: Hey, Slade. Do you want me to show you something cool? Slade: Not now, kid, nanny is cleaning up. Danny: Yeah, about that. *makes a corpse go through the ground* Ta-da! Can we talk now? Slade at the first second: *Surprised Pikachu face*. Slade when he notices a strange glow around Danny, like from ectoplasm in the lab of the boy's parents: >:( … >:( … >:( Danny: S-stop it!

~~~~~ Slade: And take out the bloodstains from those shirts too, they're my favorites. Danny: Oh dude, have you heard that child labor is illegal? Slade: Whoever doesn't help uncle Slade doesn't get a new knife for Christmas. Danny: Pfff…Now I'm my own weapon, come up with something new or I'll find myself a cooler mentor. Slade: Jackanapes!

~~~~~

When Wilson stumbles upon a distraught runaway Robin, he sincerely tries to take care of him as well as he took care of Danny. Deathstroke is an experienced babysitter, so there shouldn't be any problems with vigilante child being around on his missions. All children love knives, workouts and guns, right? Plus, staying alone when they are upset, as Jazz says, is unhealthy.

~~~~A few days later~~~~

Dick's thoughts: He wants to make me his evil sidekick, oh no! Wilson's thoughts: What's wrong with this kid? Batman so fucked up? Wayne needs to be stripped of his parental rights. I'm calling Jazz.

~~~~~

Wilson, who does not understand that he has been hanging out with Fentons too long, looks with perplexity at Grayson, who's running away from flying pieces of Maddie's pizza, then shoots some pepperoni and sits down at the table. It's going to be a long way. Poor boy.

~~~~~

Meanwhile, Fenton family is visiting Masters for the first time. Vlad tries to flirt with Maddie and then pretends to be good-natured while getting to know Danny.

Danny: I know 54 ways to kill you with this fork. If I were you I think I'd watch my mouth. Jack: He's joking, V-man. Danny: I'm not. Jack: He's just like his babysitter. They have such an unusual sense of humor. I think our boy really likes you! Usually Danny is too shy to talk like this with strangers. Vlad: Babysitter? Maddie: Yes, Mr. Wilson helped us out a lot and often did not even take payment. He's an angel. Vlad: I think I've heard that name somewhere before... Jack: Ugh, I want to introduce you anyway! Danny: Me too. Jack: Great. What about Wednesday? Danny: Dad, uncle might be busy. Let me ask him when he has time to, um, pay your old friend a visit.

[flwrkid14]

The Tim Drake Heartthrob Conspiracy

It started as a slow, creeping suspicion. A few throwaway comments here, a couple of odd interactions there. At first, no one thought much of it.

One day, Dick was grabbing coffee near Wayne Enterprises when he overheard two interns chatting in line. “I saw Tim Drake today, and let me tell you, I think I’ve developed a new celebrity crush,” one of them said, giggling.

Dick nearly choked on his iced latte. Tim? Celebrity crush? He shook it off, chalking it up to the occasional corporate crush, nothing out of the ordinary for someone who runs a massive company. But then he heard it again the next week at a Titan’s briefing. Garfield leaned over to him during a meeting, nodding toward Tim across the room.

“Man, Tim’s really come into his own, huh? Guy’s kinda a looker now,” Gar commented.

Dick blinked, then frowned. “Wait, what?”

“Oh, come on, Nightwing,” Gar teased, “you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed! The quiet broody thing is working for him. I bet half of Gotham has a crush on him.”

By the time Dick got back to Gotham, the gears were turning in his head. Did half of Gotham have a crush on Tim?

Then it happened again. This time it was Damian’s turn.

He had been sparring with Jon in the Batcave, when their conversation drifted, as it often did. “You ever think about what it would be like to date someone like Tim?” Jon asked, completely out of the blue.

Damian froze, mid-punch. “What?”

“I mean, he’s smart, right? Responsible, kinda low-key. Would probably make a great boyfriend,” Jon continued, completely oblivious to the growing horror on Damian’s face.

“Grayson and Todd, are enough. I refuse to let another sibling of mine become Gotham’s romantic fascination!” Damian exclaimed later that night at the dinner table. The others laughed, assuming Damian was just being overly dramatic, as usual.

But the seed had been planted.

It didn’t take long for the other Batfamily members to start picking up on the signs.

Steph first noticed when she logged onto a Wayne Enterprises fan forum (because yes, those exist) and saw a thread that was simply titled, “Tim Drake’s Glow-Up Appreciation Post”. The page was filled with comments fawning over him—talking about his “sharp jawline,” his “dark, mysterious aura,” and how “charming” he was during interviews.

Naturally, Steph sent the link to Cass with a laughing emoji. “Look at our boy, growing up into Gotham’s next heartbreaker,” she joked.

But as more and more of these comments popped up in the oddest places, Steph’s joking tone faded. Was Tim really the next heartthrob?

The realization hit Jason last, as most things concerning Tim usually did. He was scrolling through his usual online haunts, browsing forums that discussed Gotham’s vigilantes, when he stumbled on something unusual.

A post titled: Top 10 Reasons Why Red Robin is the Best Looking Vigilante in Gotham.

Jason almost clicked out of it immediately, assuming it was some kind of joke. But no. There were paragraphs. Analysis. Photos that somehow made Tim look like a damn model, even in his ridiculous Red Robin cape.

Jason scrolled through in disbelief, not sure what he was more stunned by: the fact that people were thirsting after Tim, or that someone had gone to this much effort to explain why he was hot.

“That’s it. The internet is officially broken,” Jason muttered to himself, before sending a screenshot to the family group chat with the caption: Since when did Tim become a fashion icon?

The real kicker, though, was Alfred. After weeks of the Batfamily casually throwing around jokes about Tim’s newly discovered “status,” Alfred finally made his observation one morning over breakfast.

“Master Timothy has always had a certain quiet charm about him,” Alfred said as he served coffee, completely unbothered by the ensuing chaos.

Dick, nearly spilling his coffee: “Wait, you knew about this? Why didn’t you say something?”

Alfred raised a brow. “It hardly seemed necessary. I assumed you all were already aware of Master Timothy’s appeal.”

Appeal. Appeal.

Jason was laughing so hard he had to leave the room, while Steph and Cass exchanged glances that said everything: they needed to re-evaluate everything about their little brother.

The whole Batfamily was still coming to terms with it. They joked, they teased, but there was an undeniable shift. When they looked at Tim now, they saw what others had apparently been seeing for years—a quietly confident, strikingly intelligent young man who had somehow grown into one of Gotham’s most eligible bachelors.

Of course, the moment that really sealed the deal came when Tim rode into the Batcave one evening on his Red Bird bike, wearing hastily thrown on stylish outfit—a black leather jacket, perfectly fitted jeans, and a shirt that gave him a casual, yet effortlessly cool look. Running a hand through his still damp hair, a look of mild annoyance on his face.

“Sorry, I’m running late. Got a date.”

For a moment, the Batfamily just stared.

Holy. Shit.

And then, as if on cue, Dick, Steph, Cass, Duke, Jason, and even Damian had the same thought at the same time: Oh my God, Tim Drake is the Batfamily’s biggest heartthrob.

The realization was almost too much to handle.

[l0s3rd0wnt0wn]

"Oh, you were not what was desired, but that makes you no less dear to me. A boy would have been the Son of France, but you, Marie Thérèse, shall be mine."

With reader and her mom

Reader is a mama's girl through and through; you'll do anything with your mother. Father's Day is just another Mother's Day on the red carpet. The two of you will wear matching dresses and nails. Your mom is a huge fan and supporter. When you show her your boyfriend or girlfriend, she'll tease non-stop and then threaten whoever breaks your heart. You're her baby, no matter how old you get. When Bruce cheated on her and had a whole other child with that woman (a.k.a. Damian and Talia), you were born, and you were the only thing that made sense in this world. Holding you for the first time was like holding the most precious jewel in the world—her baby girl. Sure, she loves Jason and Dick, but no one can top you. She'll smile with the other Batkids at galas or photo shoots, but she'll wrap her arms around you when photos are being taken or press a wet kiss to your forehead as the press snaps a picture. True, Bruce Wayne has his sons, but your mom has you—her perfect little girl. She can't even fathom the idea of you getting older. When you started saying you were too old for tiaras or princess parties, how could you be too old? You're only eleven! You can still wear the Tiana dress she bought you, but she knows you're getting older, so she'll just have to deal with it. But please, put this princess dress on for her—pretty please! Your mom looks pretty young; lots of people think she's your sister, but that's only because she had you at a young age. You should see the looks on your teachers' faces when your mom, Gotham's sweetheart supermodel, comes scrambling to the door because you forgot your lunch. If you become a Robin or Batgirl, she'll be upset, but it's your life, not hers. She supports you all the way, even getting you a training tutor or going to the gym with you. Let's just say the two of you get really competitive on the treadmill. There's a picture in Bruce's office of your mom holding you in her arms. You could have been a toddler at that time, dressed in a bear onesie with a scarf around your neck. It's the middle of December; your mom wanted you to have a day out with Bruce. There are little snowflakes in her big black curls, and she has a bright smile on her face while her scarf swishes in the wind. Bruce took the picture, and it took him a while because he couldn't stop staring at your mom. "Brucie, hurry up! I can't feel my feet!" she giggles and squeaks, running into the limo, sighing when she feels the warmth. She cuddles you gently. "Did you like the snow, sugar butt?" Your mom laughs, kissing your rosy cheeks. When things get too hectic, Bruce can always stare at that picture and think about what he lost.

[backwzzds]

Plug!Zoro x Black Reader. It’s literally 4 am right now and I cannot get him off my mind like just imagine him pulling up and his dark green hellcat for a late night drop but really he’s trying to give you more than just weed 😵‍💫

i never even thought of plug!zoro omg…cuz u onto sum!

like literally i can imagine zoro being that chilled n laid back typa plug. unlike eren or even connie, not a lot of people even know that he sells. he’s the type of plug that has like a set list of customers, and the only way you could cop from him is if one of his already-customers vouched for you to him.

it’s not that he’s scared of getting caught or anything, zoro can give less than a shit about that. but he just didn’t like having his business out there like that. in addition, he didn’t even mean to become a trustworthy ‘plug’ in the first place when his dumb ass accidentally ended up growing some fire ass weed one night. this is purely a hobby for him, one he just happens to make mad bread from!

you on the other hand would be on zoro’s client list through his close friend robin. you forgot how you even got close with him, but that’s how long you’ve known zoro. you could hit him up at any time at night and best believe that blacked out, tinted, emarald green scat pack would be parked outside your house within the half hour.

you couldn’t help but open the door for zoro before he even had the chance to walk in like he usually found himself doing. there was some sexual tension there, you both knew that. but you knew yourself well enough to know that if you gave yourself to zoro, you were never getting your soul back.

“hey mama.”

“man, bout time you got my shit.” the drug dealer gives you a lopsided grin before briefly smiling, flashing you the shiny gold of his canine grill piece. zoro holds up a back and smirks at you. this man would be so fine with the way he’d pat your ass the moment you turned around to let him inside the house.

with a little jump from his grip on you, you playfully roll your eyes at him before taking a seat on the couch. with a small joke, you tease, “31 minutes to get here, that mean my bud free?”

“tch,” the man gives you a quick suck of his teeth as he rests his gun on your coffee table before grabbing your rolling tray and pouring bud on it. “you always get this shit for free, don’t even play with me.” you giggle and throw your feet on his lap underneath the tray as you watch him roll up for the night. “we testing six tonight?”

“are you trying to kill me?” you gasp.

“nah, not when i can do something else,” zoro teased, not even looking in your eyes as he started to seal the first blunt with his saliva. but he doesn’t miss the way your brown cheeks flush a deep red and you look away from his pretty face. he chuckles at your nervousness around him. you were so cute.

six said blunts in, and you were both gone. here you were, perched nearly in zoro’s lap as you yapped his ear off.

“nah, cuz i see the way you be lookin’ at her,” you teased, recalling the memory of some mutual friend of yours, flirting with zoro.

“yeah, so?” zoro teased. “she’s annoying as shit. don’t want her.”

you gasp loudly before giggling. “zee! that’s so mean!”

zoro chuckled, “i didn’t say anything wrong. besides, i got someone else being a pain in my ass right now. i’m good with that,” his voice drops an ovtave as he shoves his face in the crook of your neck. your hand can’t help but fly to his green hair and run your fingers through it.

“damn, imma pain in your ass huh?”

“fine as fuck too,” zoro muttuers, kissing along your neck. “you gonna let me give you sum’n besides bud tonight?”

your breath falters as you feel zoro move his kisses as his hands traveled all over your body. his large hands find their way underneath your pajama shirt and they grip at the fat of your tit, possessively squeezing the flesh in his hand. “yeah? what?”

“could give you dick or head. your pick, mama.” between your legs nearly tingle at his reserved nickname for you. soon after, zoro’s kisses trail across your face as he’s pecking all over your lips. “‘m stayin’ the night either way though.”

you can’t help but test your influence over the plug by teasing him. “ion know, you me playing round. how i know you don’t just wanna fuck me and dip?”

zoro rolls his eyes and slowly shoves his hands down your pajama shorts, finding your already wet heat. with a lopsided smirk, he looks at you malevolently. “yeah, i think you’d like it if i stayed tonight too.”

“nah i don’t think my nigga’ll like that,” you tease, just pulling his leg. at the sight of his glock laid out against your coffee table, you add, “he got a gun you know. like to shoot people. like real scary shit.”

zoro can’t help but smile into your skin as he pulled you into him. “he sure do.”

“oooh, fuck!” you’re damn near struggling to breath as zoro has you split against his cock. “you’re reaching so deep, daddy.”

“yeah, daddy reaching deep in that little pussy baby?” zoro teased as he gave you long and deep strokes. “tell him how much you like that shit mama.”

“so much, daddy. like it so much,” you cried, holding the back of your knees up as far as you could. “gonna cum soon.”

“i know baby, i know,” zoro mutters as he thumbs circles against your puffy clit. “gonna show you that this pussy’s all mine. ‘s all mine right? no one else’s?”

you’re breathing hard as you watch the site of where you two connect. “all yours, zee.” a white ring soon forms against the brownish base of zoro’s cock, highlighting the mix of both your arousals.

eventually, you begin to feel overstimulation peak your adrenaline, so out of instinct, you can’t help but rest your small hands on zoro’s pelvis not exactly pushing him away, but instead trying to relieve the own pressure between your legs.

“man move your hand,” zoro kissed his teeth, but you were too fucked out to even listen.

“‘s too much!” you whined.

ignoring your pleas, zoro gravs both your legs and rests them on your shoulders, watching as the gold anklet he bought you dangle by his ears. “mama move your hand or imma move that shit for you, don’t play with me.”

immediately, you move your hand but let out a sharp cry when zoro grips your hips tight and begins to drill your shit with no mercy. “o-oh my go—“

“can’t help you now, pretty.” zoro gave you his million dollar smirk as he began to rub your nipples between his fingers. “fuck, ‘m almost there baby. gonna cum soon.”

“gonna cum soon daddy?” you whine, grabbing his hand. zoro uses his free own to wrap around your neck, lightly squeezing as he watched you effortlessly submit to him.

“mhm,” zoro hummed, feeling the familiar knot tie in his stomach. gosh, he loved fucking you in missionary like this. he loved looking in your eyes and watching all the love you had for him just flow right down to the juices of your waterpark pussy.

it was rare that a smoke session with him didn’t turn into this man fucking you an inch from pure insanity. zoro was crazy and he proved it each time he stroked his dick deep inside you and flooded you with all of him.

“damn girl, this pussy’s so fuckin’ good,” the drug dealer muttered to himself. “all fuckin’ kine. no one’s fuckin’ you like this but me, ya hear?”

you immediately nod your head, finally feeling yourself cum against him. “i’m coming zee! i’m coming i’m com—!” your screams are cut short as your legs shook around zoro’s shoulders

“might be a little selfish and might just put a baby in you,” zoro smirked down at you. “you’d want that pretty? want me to fill you up and make you a mama?”

“yes,” you whined, feeling your energy slowly drain as you continued to cream against him and the sheets. “please come in me, zoro!”

“sure you want it baby? gotta use your words mama.” zoro bites down on his lip as he tries to hold himself back from drilling into you like a madman.

“mhm, yes zee! cum in me please!”

the greenhead takes a deep breath as he feels his dick twitch inside your warm gummy walls. with the green light, he uses the last inch of stamina left in him to completely wreck you. “fucking hell, that’s it, mama. that’s it. just like that. milk me for all i fucking got—fuck!”

you’re left breathless as zoro fills you up and then some, his cum dripping out of your gaping hole and onto the sheets below you. with a collapse beside you, the plug pulls you into his chest and places chaste kisses all along your face.

[tiny-space-platypus]

Part 4 Miscommunication

(Damien's POV)

Previous

School had started now and a new kid came to the academy today. A girl roughly his age but a little shorter. This girl was loud and obnoxious, gathering quite a crowd of friends on her first day. That was fine though, Damian didn't exactly want to have to talk to another brainless civilian. Though Grayson did say he needed to make more friends. Explaining that not having friends would blow his cover.

Before Damian decided what to do the girl who was just with a group of his classmates was now behind him, startling him. Startling Him. Damian had been trained by assassins, by his mother, father, and siblings to always be acutely aware of his surroundings yet this girl scared him? Damian needed to understand how.

The girl who introduced herself as Dani Nightingale giggled.

Damian: "You startled me"

Dani: "yeah I do that"

Their classmates are cheering no one has ever managed to sneak up on Damian and now this new girl has. Great this girl was now going to be another nuisance to him. Then the girl frowned at him and apologized softly before avoiding him for the rest of the day. Odd.

Damian also found that this girl was very smart. She was great at science, math, and knew so many languages that it was just impressive. She was odd.

Dani avoided Damian for the rest of the day. She fucked up, she fucked up big time, even if he doesn't show it she can still feel his emotions. She wants to fall in for the floor and disappear but she can't do that. So instead she decided to focus on the school day. Answering and doing as much as she can to avoid Damian. The boy she accidentally made hate her. She can't wait for today to be over. The end of the day rolled around and Danny was there to pick her up. Just as she ran up to Danny, Damian did the same. Damian got to Danny first.

Damian: "Todd, what are you doing here?"

Dani running into Danny and giving him a massive hug. "Danny!"

Danny (confused) "sorry kid, but I'm not whoever Todd is?"

Damian now also confused and looking closely at Danny because his brother was laughing and smiling and not normal. Then he looked at the scars on the man's arms and neck and mannerisms. That wasn't Jason but just looked like him, odd.

Dick and Tim now confused that Damian didn't come to the car, walk over and react the same way Damian did though more extreme. "Jason??"

Danny (sighing): "No my name's Danny. Nice to meet you" (looks at Tim) "or re-meet you, how was your debate thing or whatever? I assume that was why you were in a suit?"

Tim (confused before remembering the coffee shop) "oh! Um yeah everything went well"

Dick smiling while internally screaming about seeing someone who looked like a happy version of his brother. "It's nice to meet you too"

Both Nightingales feeling the turmoil and odd feeling from the 3 and decided. Nope! Not my circus not my monkeys even if he does maybe look like he belongs to that circus. Not his, nope, they have enough problems, whatever this family has is not also his.

Danny: "anyways we've got to go, I'm sure we'll see you around"

Danny left with Dani and went home with her neither aware of the tracker Damian had left on Dani.

----------------------------------------------------------

Danny and Elle having a normal night doing homework, having dinner together, all that jazz while being watched by Robin and RR who had now taken a special in this family. Especially after Tim could find almost nothing on any of the Nightingales past a few months ago when they came to Gotham or when their sister went to Stanford. They watch Danny put Elle to bed then begin tinkering with a side project (he is an engineer after all). They seemed normal but something still bugged the both of them about the Nightingales. Something was still off, they'd have to keep investigat- Danny pulled out the 2 trackers that were were placed on both him and Elle and sat them on the table in front of him. He knew about the trackers. Maybe he was a threat.

Danny had of course found the tracker on him immediately and decided to fuck around making it go absolutely everywhere far too quickly till he realized where the tracker was from. It was shaped as a bat of course it came from Batman and his spawn. SIGH he supposed he couldn't avoid the bats and birds if they were already tailing him, might as well try to make friends first. The fact that they were looking for them was only solidified when he found another on Elle's school bag. 1) how dare they put one on his little sister. 2) who the hell put it there?? Was it suit boy again? Or was it one of the others? He'd have to tell Elle to be careful around them from now on. He'll have to be more careful now. Welp might as well try to reverse engineer these trackers so he can make something to scramble them when those guys eventually try again. He and to at least protect Elle.

(Things I thought of but didn't know how to add it yet soo)

Dani goes by both Dani and Elle depending on if her brother is around. Its confusing when they're both being refused to as Danny after all.

Tim is going feral because he can't find anything on them, like they didn't exist before this summer.

Oracle is also going insane because her cameras can't pick the two up. Every time she tries to focus on them the camera feed glitches out till they're gone.

The next part will be about Jason getting caught with GIW because they think it's Danny (and Elle maybe.) Still writing.

Next

[wizardwomenwisdom]

steve and eddie pre-season 4 doing divorced parent swaps of dustin after hellfire meetings.

at first, when steve hears dustin’s becoming friends with eddie, he doesn’t really care. it’s not his business, honestly, and if his friendship with robin’s taught him anything it’s that cliques in high school mean so little.

it’s only when dustin’s mom pulls him aside one day, when he drops dustin off, that he begins to worry. because dustin’s the last on the list of hellfire members to get dropped off in eddie’s van, and there aren’t seats back there, and honestly eddie’s driving is bad on a good day.

so at first, steve offers to start driving dustin home from the high school. and the way dustin acts, well, steve feels like he just offered to take out an armed russian guard again. after a bit of arguing, he gets to the bottom of it: dustin likes hanging out with everyone on the ride. and since the way to his place passes the closest micky-d’s, eddie and garath always take him to get dinner.

so they make a deal: steve’ll meet them at mcdonald’s, pick dustin up, and take him home so his mom stops stressing. it’ll be a quick weekly hand off.

only every friday, when he pulls into the lot, eddie’s standing outside waiting with a few sarcastic quips. steve and he almost always argue about dustin while dustin finishes eating (“if it were a sports car you wouldn’t give a shit about seatbelts” “that’s why i don’t drive a fucking sports car to pick him up, dick.”) (“you’re late.” “i had a date.” “and he has a bed time.”) (“i get that your campaign is important, but he has a c in latin right now.” “i can’t make him do homework if he doesn’t want to.” “you most certainly can.”)

the first time robin comes with him, she spends the whole ride to the hendersons giggling. when dustin’s finally out of the car, steve turns in the driver’s seat and crosses his arms.

“out with it, buckley. what’s so funny?”

she blinks twice, and then starts laughing again. “what’s the custody agreement look like between the two of you?” she manages.

“what?”

“do you not realize it?”

“realize what?”

“you and eddie ‘the freak’ munson have spent the last three months doing a quintessential divorced parent drop.”

“wait, wait-“

“the arguing? the mcdonald’s parking lot? the weird pseudo-flirting?”

“i do not flirt with eddie.”

“does that make me dustin’s shitty step-mom?”

“robin!”

“oh my god.” she’s laughing so hard at this point that she can’t breathe.

steve shifts back into the driver’s seat. he doesn’t say anything until they’re back on the road, and robin calms down, and his face is sufficiently red. finally, he manages a “fuck you, buckley.” which starts robin into another laughing fit.

steve’s extra aware of how eddie calls him sweetheart next time they meet up.

edit: wrote a fic of this lowkey.

[notdotspot]

Dp x Dc Stinky

Part. 1 Part. 2 Part. 3 Part. 4

Breakfast is never a quiet affair in the Wayne manor and Jason in his normal lateness expects everyone to be waiting for him to start. He takes his seat at the table and feels the emptiness next to him.

“Where’s Tim?”

“Sleeping,” Damian replies quickly. 

“Tim? Sleeping? Since when? He barely sleeps to start with much less sleeping in.” At Jason’s comment, the table seems to quiet, realizing just how odd it is. 

Steph speaks first, “I hate to admit it but Jason is right.”

“Hey!” He protests as she giggles into her hands.

Bruce jumps in before his children have the chance to turn the dining table into a warzone, “He has been having nightmares.” The group’s attention turns to him, so he continues, “Damian noticed he had not slept in days. By the time I approached him, he was delirious. I do not even know how he went on patrol like that.”

“B, it is not your fault. I can see you blaming yourself from here. You have to remember Tim was on his own for a long time. His parents did not care like you do and he is good at hiding his weaknesses,” Dick chimes in. The mood in the room is weighed with worry. 

“He will be fine. I told Titus to keep him in bed as long as possible. He will be better.” Luckily, everyone was distracted by Damian’s rare display of emotion, allowing them to shed some of their worry for their brother.

“Welp,” Jason stands, “Lovely family meal as always. Thank you, Alfred. See you later, losers. Places to be, people to see.” He then quickly made his way to the Batcave. Dressing quickly and grabbing his motorcycle. Crime Alley does not wait for him. Though Jason would be lying to himself if his only concern was fighting crime. 

Ever since he passed through that weird area in the Bat Burger two days ago, he has not seen a glimpse of the Pit Madness. Not even when he ran into a few Joker goons. An encounter like that would have meant lethal force, flashbacks, and a subsequent panic attack right there on the street, but it never came. He was in civilian clothes and did not even flinch to pull a phantom gun from its holster. He paused like any other person native to Gotham and was left scouring his brain for any clue about the miraculous cure he accidentally came across. 

It was not until he felt it again the previous night on a rooftop that he realized the affected air had an eerie green glow. So today, his mission is to find the source. 

Unfortunately for Jason though, other people do not care if he has something to do today. Now Jason is chasing some type of creature along the streets. 

“Why is this thing so fucking quick?” He yells into his helmet. He turns the corner to the alley it had disappeared down. Jason is forced to turn and brake quickly before he runs directly into the wall of the dead end. His gaze shoots up and the thing is waving at him. By the time he makes his way up the fire escape, it is gone. 

“Fast little shit,” he whispers under his breath. 

His earpiece cracks to life and he hears, “Need any help, Hood?”

“Are you not supposed to be having your little nap, Red? Where is Oracle?”

“Shut up! I slept enough. It is not like Dami or B will let me out on patrol anytime soon, and unlike you, Oracle has a day job. She is a functional member of society.” 

“I am dead to society. I am sorry I can not go work in a corner office at Wayne Enterprises.”

“Do you want help or not, asshole?”

“Yeah, sure. There is some creature racing around Crime Alley. Black tail, white hair, and Lazurus green eyes. I am sure Ras made it.”

“Green eyes?” Tim whispers. “I will come meet you.”

“No. No, you will not. You are on house arrest.” 

“In civilian clothes. I can ride on the bike with you. I need to see this thing.”

“No Red Robin?” 

“Yeah, no Red Robin.”

“Okay, meet me at the Bat Burger. You have to eat something first.”

“Be there in thirty minutes,” he says as the line disconnects. 

Jason signs. 

“Who are you talking to?”

If Jason were not trained to school his reactions, he would have lost his shit. He whips around to see the creature he has been chasing since he arrived this morning. He could now make out the features of a person. “Meta?” He thinks. “Oh? It has legs now, too”

“Who are you talking to?” 

“Red Robin,” he says cautiously. Jason can never be too careful. His hand finds his knife in his sleeve. “Why were you running?”

“Bored. No one to fight here.”

“Are you meta?” 

“Meta? I guess by your definition, yes.”

“Batman does not take too kindly to uninvited metas.”

“This is my first offense, though. No three strikes, you are out?”

“No.”

“Do not worry yourself, then. I am just on vacation. I only needed to stretch my legs.” The meta’s legs morph into a tail and back. 

“How long are you here for?” 

“I do not know. A few decades? A century? I lose track of time easily these days.”

Jason is slowly being lulled into a state of calm. He did not even notice his hand releasing his blade or his anxious caution leaking away. 

“You stink. Do you know that?” One sentence and Jason was snapped back to reality. He was questioning a potential threat and he was nowhere near able to defend himself.

“People keep telling me that,” he replies as casually as he can. His mind is panicking at how easily he lost his focus. He begins making up time. He observes the meta more, noticing the barely perceivable green fog leaching off of the person. A younger guy he is realizing. A young teenager maybe fourteen. 

“Wait,” he interrupts his own thoughts, “green glow and calming effect.”

“It might be the dirty ectoplasm you are carrying with you.” He does not linger on his newfound awareness. He is caught up in something entirely new.

“Ecto-what?”

“Ectoplasm. Glowing green goop. Radiating ghostly energy? Ring a bell?”

“Like a Lazurus Pit?”

“A what?”

Jason takes a breath to begin explaining but his phone ringing interrupts him. He answered without a second thought. 

“Where are you?” Tim says over the line. “I am here.”

“That was way less than thirty minutes.”

“No, it has been longer. Almost an hour.” Jason’s eyes flicker to the person floating in front of him. 

“Okay, I am not far. I am bringing a guest.” He ends the call as quickly as he had answered it. “What’s your name, kid?”

“You can call me Phantom.” He smiles.

“Do you eat burgers, Phantom?”

“I do!”

“Then, come on.”

---------

also on ao3

I am excited for the upcoming chapters

[brie-annwyl]

Angst because it’d sun to feel every once in a while

Bruce has never known a day of peace since he took in Dick as his ward, not because he’s a father now and it led to him adopting multiple other little hellians. Because all of his children love to prank and spite him. Dick (surprisingly) was the most tame out of them all, only occasionally hiding things from Bruce or using nerf guns against him at the most inconvenient times (galas especially).

Jason after living on the streets for a few years picked up on how to be EXTREMELY quiet and how to hide well. Without any pattern or explanation Jason would just randomly disappear from the manor, sometimes to make it more interesting he would stage it like he ran away or that someone took him. Bruce believes Jason wanted to give him a heart attack before 50. Jason always tried to get Dick to join in on the little pranks but with Dick and Bruce not having a good relationship, he never got the chance to. (Jason staging “running away” and “kidnappings” were the reason Bruce wasn’t immediately freaked out when Jason wasn’t in the manor when he went to Ethiopia. He just thought Jason was pranking him.)

Tim is in for a rude awakening when he tries to prank Bruce. It’s been a while since he became Robin, him and Dick are incredibly close and he’s started staying at the manor more often than not. Bruce ruffles his hair and laughs at his jokes, they even had a movie night the other day! So when Dick subtly mentions how he used to prank Bruce and that Jason followed in his footsteps, he feels like it’s a right of passage for Robins to do so. Tim accidentally brings back an old memory of Jason by doing a prank like Jason would do, Bruce just freezes when he sees Tim and leaves the room. Tim doesn’t prank him after that. (Bruce immediately realizes his mistake after Tim never tries to participate in pranks again but is too socially inept to fix things.)

Damian thinks pranks are ridiculous and stupid. He never attempted one until Dick pranked Bruce one day a few months after he came back from the time bs. It’s the first time Damian watches Bruce wheeze, he pulls Dick into a tight embrace and kisses his forehead and it fills Damian with an ache he’s never felt before. So, he researches pranks he can try and asks Jon for assistance. In the end he tries something small, he puts saran wrap on the entrance to the kitchen in the evening. Bruce absolutely eats shit but laughs all the same when he sees Damian giggling from the dinner table. (Tim pretends not to notice the commotion from his tablet. There’s a lump caught in his throat throughout all of dinner.)

Steph only pranked Bruce whilst on patrol as Robin. She hasn’t done it since and rationalizes the pain she feels by saying “every Robin does it” instead of “all his kids do it.”

Duke? He will help others pull off their own pranks, he never makes one of his own. He doesn’t feel as though it’s his place (even though he lives there and Bruce loves him all the same. Sometimes he can’t believe it)

Cass blames her pranks on others, she wants to be included with her brothers but doesn’t know what Bruce’s reaction to her pranks would be if he knew they were her own (he does know, he sees her set them up but still acts as through he doesn’t see them)

Jason re-enters the family with a prank, he hides in Bruce’s study whilst he waits for him to get home. He cannot honestly say what he hopes to achieve in doing this, he just wants a sense of normalcy that he had when he was little he misses his dad and just wants a hug again (touch starved Jason is canon you will not tell me otherwise). The prank worked, Bruce got scared but upon realizing it was Jason he immediately pulls him into a hug and kisses his forehead. Jason melts completely and stays for dinner that night upon Bruce’s request.

Tim watched on from afar as they all prank Bruce. A privilege he doesn’t believe he deserves. It’s noticed by everyone but no one knows why he doesn’t except for Bruce, the one person who is physically incapable of being emotionally vulnerable. So Tim watched on as his siblings get forehead kisses and full belly laughs and he’ll give them half smiles and thumbs up as he escapes to another room (most likely the cave) so he can bury his sadness for another day.

[pssyinboots]

Hate To Be You

Oh look i can actually make multiple parts of things!!!

again i listened to the entire Lexie Jayde album, along with Olivia Rodrigo (this took forever to write)

but the main song this is based off is i’d Hate to be you by Lexie Jayde

Strutting into family video you walk straight up to Steve who’s busy rewinding video tapes. Or well was before you walked. “Hey sweetheart, what are you doing in here?”. Leaning over the counter you pull Steve in by his work vest to give him a peck on the lips. Before he could respond Robin cuts in with her fake gagging “Ew. Gag me with a spoon. Do you guys really have to be all cutesy here. In public?”. Steve just glares at her while you hide your face giggling into his chest. “Really Robin.”, she just shrugs at him and returns to restocking. Turning his attention back to you, Steve leaves a kiss on your forehead. He began to ask if you wanted to hangout to tonight before being interrupted by the bell above the door. Signaling someone entered the store.

Eddie knew that it was risky entering Family Video,he knew that you told Steve and Robin what happened and they now despised him rightfully so. But Dustin was bugging him about some new horror movie that he “just had to see”. Instantly He regretted his decision immediately when he sees you cuddled up in Steve’s chest. Eddie was going to turn around and make a break for it, but before he could all eyes were on him.

You whip around to see who just entered the store when you see him. Eddie Munson, the man who you thought was going to be the love of your life before he threw it all away. You wanted to roll your eyes, to scream at him, to combust into flames. Instead you just smiled and waved, “Hey Eddie. What’s up?”. He just stood there with his mouth hung open. He didn’t expect to see you.He knew you were friends with both Steve and Robin,but he just hopped that he wouldn’t see you here. He certainly didn’t expect to see you with you and another guy. Especially when that guy was Steve.

You could feel the anger radiating off of Steve. He was the first person you went to after everything happen with Eddie, he was the only person to see you cry about everything that happened. To everyone else you put up a brave front, but Steve was the only person you could let your guard down with. Since the breakup you’ve basically spent every night with Steve. At first it just started as rebound sex. What he’s hot, plus it doesn’t hurt that Eddie has always been envious of him. plus he has a big dick. After a week you realized you might actually have feelings for him. You guys weren’t official official, it had only been two weeks after all. But Steve really helped you feel better, he was always patient and kind towards you. Not being able to take the tension any longer. Robin just had to say something,“Eddie are you ok?? If you keep your mouth open any longer you’re going to start catching flys”. Quickly Eddie closes his mouth and starts looking anywhere that wasn’t in your and Steve’s direction. “Uh- yeah…um Dustin said something about The Vindicator. How I really needed to watch it….” Quirking his eyebrow Steve just points over to the middle of the store, “Aisle 4.”. Nodding Eddie turns and walks over, tripping over his feet on the way. Wanting to not laugh you cover your mouth, but you couldn’t help letting out a small chuckle.

Turning back around you return your attention back on Steve, smiling up at him. “So what were you going to say?”. You could tell that he was trying to read you, see if you were ok or not after seeing Eddie for the first time. “Steve I promise i’m fine,it’s ok.”. You knew there was no point lying to him he could read you like a book,yet you still attempted to anyways. Steve grabs your hand giving it a squeeze and leans down so only you could hear him, “It’s ok. You don’t have to pretend like he doesn’t affect you. Im here for you. Plus i can always kick his ass if you want me too.” You just laugh at that, maybe a bit too loud catching both Robins, and Eddie’s attention, though his was already on you. Faking being upset, Steve takes a step back and puts his hand over his heart, “You wound me you know that.” Trying to stop yourself from laughing you lean up on your tip toes and give him a kiss,“I’m sorry Stevie it’s just you don’t really have the best record when it comes to fighting.”

Eddie swears he’s going to be sick. How could you move on from him that quickly? Sure he’s fucked people since you’ve broken up, but it was just to try and keep his mind off of you. Which didn’t work he couldn’t stop picturing you, he’s even said your name a few times every time. He was honestly starting to get angry. He knew it wasn’t fair considering what he did to you. It just felt like you were rubbing Steve in his face, you were. Going up to the counter he fakes a cough to get both your and Steve’s attention and places the tape on the counter. Scanning the Tape, Steve hands it back to him,”That’s gonna be three dollars.”. Eddie hands Steve the money, keeping his eyes glued on you. He just couldn’t help it. He hasn’t seen you in weeks and here you were looking like a walking wet dream kissing up on Steve fucking Harrington. “Hey can we talk outside for a second.”, startled your head shoots up to look at him. He looks desperate, like he would do anything for a second of your time. You were about to reply before Steve beats you to it, “She’s good man.”, Eddie just glares at Steve, “I wasn’t talking to you.”. Jesus Christ, men and their testosterone. “Ok, ok can we please save the dick swinging contest for another day? Steve i promise it’ll be just a minute. I’m fine I promise.” Reluctantly Steve nods his head giving his sign of approval. You start Walking outside Eddie trailing after you. walk him like a dog bitch.

Leaning against the back of Eddie’s van you signal him to speak. Eddie shoves his hands in his pockets staring down at his feet, “I missed you”, scoffing you just cross your arms. “Is that all?”, finally Eddie looks up at you with a secret plea in his eyes. “Please don’t be like this. Baby ple…”,you couldn’t believe him. How dare he try to call you that after everything. “Dont you dare call me that. You lost that privilege when you cheated on me.”. Eddie just hung his head in shame, he thought it would be easier than this. He really was a idiot. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I know there is nothing i can do to fix this. Im still in love with you can we just- please.”, he was on his knees at this point. Eddie Munson Was on his knees begging for you in a parking lot. You would be lying if you said you weren’t relishing in this. “Really? Are you really doing this. You broke my heart Eddie. You broke my fucking heart. You absolutely destroyed me, i’ve always told you that cheating was the worst thing you could ever do. And guess what you did Munson?”. You couldn’t help but laugh. This entire situation was fucking hysterical. You couldn’t do this, talking to him was a mistake. Turning back around you start walking back to the store. “I was drunk! You know if I was sober i would of never done that to you.” You were shaking with anger at this point, fuck trying to be nice, fuck trying to keep the tears inside. You couldn’t do this anymore. Whipping back around angry tears are freely rolling down your cheeks. Each one feeling like a bullet into Eddie’s heart. “IT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER, IT DOESNT EDDIE!!! I DONT CARE IF YOU WERE DRUNK, I DONT CARE IF YOU THOUGHT IT WAS ME, OR IF IT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE IN YOUR LIFE!!! YOU STILL CHEATED!!!”, tears were falling from both your and Eddie’s eyes at this point. Robin and Steve could hear the entire encounter, Robin Physically had to stop Steve from interrupting. “No matter the cause, or the excuse it was still cheating. I cant stand here and say i don’t have feelings for you Eddie, But those feelings are covered with resentment and the idea of your lips on someone else.” Turning around you walk the final steps to the door, but you just couldn’t resist one final blow. “You know what Eddie, I would honestly hate to be you right now. You lost the best thing that will ever happen to you for nothing. There’s no one who will fill my place in your life. Even if you get married you will still be thinking about me, hoping it was me. And you deserve that.”

There was that stupid fucking bell again. Signaling the start of your future and Eddie’s end.

[paragonrobits]

Movie Review - Holy Musical B@man!

I am a simple person, with simple tastes (albeit ones that periodically have me wistfully imagining people incredulously asking me if my brain is broken or if my entire life to date has been an incredibly elaborate bit I am doing), and my tastes in movies are fairly straightforward. Oh, yes there are certainly layers to it; on the proper occasion, perhaps one day my reviews will give me room to ramble on about my undying fixation on ‘robots and nonhumans as personhood’ plot elements, or extensive use of practical effects, and my love of bathos (or, as I always assumed it to be, the dramatic changing of register for comic effect, but apparently that’s a different thing), and it is this last point that I keep thinking about with Holy Musical; namely, ITS REALLY GOSHDARN FUNNY.

I’m not a very emotionally demonstrative person. It’s not that I am consciously detached or try to limit my expressions, but I am NATURALLY not a very emotive person; it’s just not natural or easy for me to express myself with the same extremes as other people do. Sometimes this is a problem; around my family I find myself having to constantly overact because they get upset and take it personally when my normal reactions are subdued. When I find something funny, I usually only have a small response; a small laugh, a little giggle, something like that. And when something gets a big belly-busting ‘oh god someone send help I can’t stop’ laugh, that’s either me making a TRULY HORRIBLE pun so awful I can’t even say it before busting up laughing, or I really was having the time of my life enjoying something.

This movie is the latter; whatever else it has going on, it got me a TON of laughs, over and over, and for that, I really have to appreciate it. Whatever else it has going on, it is genuinely and consistently funny.

On a broad strokes basis, this movie strikes me as being something of a reconstructive parody; specifically of the darker and edgier Batman, with both the first two Nolan Batman movies and Frank Millar’s well known (infamous, in my book, as I REALLY don’t much care for it) The Dark Knight Returns. Early stage Batman of this musical is definitely a comedic depiction of Batman at his most, to quote Overly Sarcastic Production’s take on the matter, ‘Punisher in a silly hat’. I normally DON’T like this take on Batman at all; I can’t stand people who go online and sincerely say that Batman is a billionaire that beats up poor people or reduce a nearly 100 year old running character to some pithy remarks so they can feel like a smart aleck for a few minutes. Yet somehow, this play makes it work for me; it’s probably because its just SO over the top and coming from a place of love that I really don’t mind, say, Batman depicted as an overzealous hunter of criminals that’s willing to pop out PLANE-MOUNTED GUNS on a guy who technically stole from his own till by forgetting to put in some money before he left.

Following a brief falling out with Alfred (who is essentially all of Batman’s friends in disguise, including Lucius Fox, a joke that had me wincing in discomfort the moment it popped up and feeling profoundly relieved when it just moved on, only to be repeated a few more times; frankly, I feel that if this has come out a few years earlier, we would be seeing outright stereotype racism jokes; the corners of the Internet this would have been popular around at the time went nuts for that and I hate that), Batman ultimately turns a new leaf when he meets Dick Grayson, in this portrayal played off more as a brotherly character rather than the more familiar depiction of them as a father and son duo. There is a LOT of Burt Ward’s performance as Robin from the Adam West Batman series, and this brings me to the fundamental point.

I feel that this musical is all about Batman starting out as a dark and edgy jerk-face with an overly zealous approach to crime and playing all the worst borderline fascistic interpretations of the character to comic excess, to gradually mellowing out as he befriends Robin and becoming a much more genuine and humane character, and with the campy tone, by the end of his character arc he resembles nothing less than Adam West’s famous depiction of Batman, played straight and with love, and I HAVE to appreciate that; it's sort of a love letter to camp and not being ashamed of its roots, as a lot of the ‘comics can be SUPER SERIOUS and we don’t have to be gross and campy’ attitude tends to go.

Batman’s villains are similarly extremely campy and they’re an absolute BLAST; virtually every line from them is packed to the brim with thematic puns and in particular I really like this musical’s take on Penguin; less a mob boss guy, and more of a heavily bird-themed crime villain who can’t go more than a few words without working in bird puns, and I LOVE IT. Everyone is like this, from Poison Ivy to Catwoman (And this alone is probably an indicator of this musical’s lean towards the likes of the West Batman show, as Catwoman hasn’t been considered a rogue in QUITE a while and her portrayal here is a dead ringer for that era). Of note, Joker off-handedly dies off screen early on. I say GOOD RIDDANCE. His role is instead filled by Sweet Tooth, an absolutely delightful villain chock full of furiously quick candy puns, genuine menace and a ton of fun pretty much every moment he’s on screen.

He’s very clearly a Joker stand-in, but without the kind of baggage that Joker himself usually brings on board. Its with him that we have a scene taken directly from the iconic ‘choose who dies’ bit from The Dark Knight, but instead voting on whether Robin lives or dies; I was struck at them in the death of Jason Todd, which never fails to impact me. (Perhaps not as much as harshly as Jason Todd outright referencing it in Injustice 2, but this is pretty close.) He adds in a Harley Quinn analogue, who carries both the blatant abusive dynamic and being a legitimate threat in her own right despite her silly demeanor. Interestingly enough, despite my assumptions that he was an original creation of this project, he actually IS a pre existing character, but a very minor one; he apparently has only had a couple of appearances prior to this and was considered forgettable even by the standards of one off gimmick villains. I consider this the equivalent of someone bringing back the Penny Plunderer as a genuine villain without losing a bit of campiness.

I mentioned before that I feel this musical covers elements of the Nolan movies and Millar’s work. From the latter, we have other superheroes periodically making appearances throughout, and here’s where we get SUPERMAN. Now, I’m honestly pretty defensive about works, especially parodies, getting Superman right in any capacity; I get REALLY touchy about it, and honestly, I think this movie does better to give Superman an antagonistic role than The Dark Knight Returns did, even with a similar scene (albeit with Obama rather than Reagan); instead of being a government stooge, this take on Superman is deeply insecure and resentful of Batman’s popularity despite his own vastly greater power and success, which also feels like something of a meta commentary on Batman often being perceived as a better character than Superman. (PErsonally I feel a guy in his 30s who has mastery of ALL the skills and martial arts disciplines, despite individual ones taking a LIFETIME to learn, is even more inherently absurd than a superpowered alien that happens to look exactly like a human, but that’s a whole different rant.) We see a bunch of other heroes throughout, most especially Green Lantern who has a running gag of being late for a Thing with Solomon Grundy (I don’t know if Grundy was picked for specifically starting out as a Golden Age Green Lantern villain, but I’d like to think so), and is portrayed as a shlubby Brooklynite, which is honestly a take that feels… right. Not sure why, but it does!

Ultimately, it comes down to Batman outright just asking Superman for help, because he’s the only one that can do things on that scale; essentially having him drop his ego and pride to sincerely ask for help, which feels like a really nice way to directly address the rivalry that is applied to them in a lot of comedic works and come to terms between them, and Superman doing the famous Reeves Time Warp spin (which was alluded to earlier in the movie) to undo catastrophe.

This in particular cemented a feeling that the movie is essentially about Batman developing from a parody of his darkest and most edgy characterizations set off by people imitating the vibes of the Dark Knight Returns and the Nolan movies, through a storyline that incorporates aspects of both into its plot, and at the end, through his friendship with Robin (a character notably absent from the Nolan movies save for Rise, and honestly I don’t feel that counts), and embracing the most fun and campy aspects through Robin, THE old school campy character, developing into something akin to Adam West’s Batman.

That said, Batman himself is a bit of a hard sell here. He’s a fun character, no question, especially as the movie progresses. But while he IS fun, he generally does work better as a straight man and it’s hard to say he handles that super well, at least to me. I do think Batman being just as quirky and weird as his cast is appropriate, but he’s mostly interesting not on his own but how people react to him. A lot of his best bits here are when he’s part of a larger scene, or people are reacting to him; his manchild mannerisms and demented behavior get a lot funnier then. They’re never bad, but they’re not really GREAT per se.

But all the same, it IS a genuinely fun experience that had me busting out laughing like a self-satisfied hyena, and you know what, I love it just for that alone. A great watch, all around!

Some other things of note:

- I really liked how no one seems to know what a robin is. “What is that, some kind of lizard?” And Robin’s parents being assassinated by one is honestly so bizarre but I can see that being a thing in the DC universe.

- Pour one out for poor old Killer Croc, who died as he lived; poisoning the water supply in the tradition of camp villains of old!

- People just… knowing that Superman is Clark Kent is honestly kind of a gas. Yes, there ARE reasons why he maintains his secret identity, but it's fun for the people involved to play it as a non-issue.

- Not a gag but Plastic Man looks fantastic in his brief appearance.

- Also not a gag but I read Garth Ennis’ Batman Reptilian not too long ago, and I’m struck by how both these works seem to poke at the idea of a much more brutal and callous Batman. Not much of a similarity, true, but it is striking how they go in opposite directions; this one opts for escape into the blessed realms of camp, while the other… well, it’s a Garth Ennis work, its exactly what you’d expect from the person who made the Punisher (and a completely non-ironic take) a signature character. If you HAVE to have Batman being the sort of person who takes glee in plane weaponry, I’d rather it be played for comedy.

- There’s a LOT of similarities between this and the much later Lego Batman. Apparently the people who made this even commented on that!

- Okay, okay, Robin determining his hero identity in a parallel of Batman’s is hysterical. SEARCH YOUR HEART. IT IS TRUE.

[originaltyphoonkryptonite]

Chapter 23: The Dunkel Clan Comes To Town

Zella pov

I hum as I help Alfred clean some dishes. "Sorry that me and Dick are staying here until the baby is born. But on the plus side, we didn't really plan a honeymoon anyway."

"Think nothing of it Mrs. Grayson! Besides......I really doubt ANY of the bat family will want you too far away right now. At least Master Bruce has the apartments renovated into one large one for a wedding gift for you and Master Grayson and it is already done.", he replies as he washes the dishes then hand them to me to dry. "Well Master Bruce and Mr. Kent's wedding gift. Having Superman doing the work makes it done faster and ensures that the work is done by the best."

"Just gives you more time to figure out where to have one if you want one.", Gus says as he takes the dried dishes and put them away. "And very true old friend. Clark gets a nice check he can save for a rainy day for a few days work. Wally also paid off the favor he owed me by helping those two with the apartment."

"All are very true.", I giggle as we work.  "So, you sold your old apartment?"

"I did. Then bought the building that is apart of the building of your place. Gonna open a cafe on the ground floor, have Lina work there. Us two would be having the two upper floors."

"That's not a bad idea Gus! You and Mrs. Grayson could have a book-cafe together!", Alfred says with a smile.

"That is a great idea Gus.", I say as I smile as well. "And sorry for making a midnight snack and a mess."

"Don't be!", Alfred turns to me with a mock glare. "Besides, that just means there are snacks for when the family returns from patrol."

We all pause as we hear barking and yipping.

"Looks like Cippia and Haley are having fun...it boggles the mind that anyone would hurt a sweet pup like her just because she is missing a leg.", I say as I hear them coming closer.

Awhile back, about a month ago, Dick found the poor girl when on patrol. We were staying with Gus and my sister for a week or two to get caught up with her life and mine. Then of course afterwards, Bruce insisted Dick, Aileen, Gus, Haley, Cippia and I move into the manor for the rest of the pregnancy. We couldn't exactly refuse the offer, the rest of the bat clan were very insistent as well. 

Aileen knows the family secret so no worries about her finding out. I personally think she has a crush on Jason who she is near the same age as. Gus was smirking when he told us her favorite hero was always the second Robin, then when she got older the Red Hood when he came on the scene. I think he and Alfred are planing to play matchmaker again. And the funny thing is, I think Bruce is encouraging them.

"Well Cippia never had a puppyhood so he is making up for it by being the best big brother he can for the little girl.", Gus says as he gets some dog treats ready.

I smile as I watch the two wag their tails as they gobble up the treats. "Good practice for when the baby comes."

"So Dick thinks that it is a boy still?", Gus asks as he goes back to putting the dried dishes back.

"Yes. Though I personally just want the baby to be happy and healthy.", I say as I hand Gus the last bowl then go to sit down. "And if they have powers, then I won't shame them for having them. I WON'T let them go through what I did."

"Well said.", Alfred says as he hands me a cup of tea. "Here, good for morning sickness."

"Thank you Alfred.", I say then take a sip.

"You're welcome, my dear.", he says as he and take a seat at the table with me.

"So......I heard Roy started a betting pool on the gender and whether they will have Dick's parents' names as the first name. Dick joined in."

"Why in the world would he do that? .............what did he say?", Alfred asks with a mischievous grin.

"He says boy and that the name of the baby won't be John."

"I did say we could name the baby after his parents depending on the gender.", I say as I take a bite of the cookies we made. "But he said he'd be fine with his father's name being the baby's middle name. So I made a deal with him. If he is right about it being a boy, he can name the baby. But if it is a girl, I name her, and I told him that she will have Mary as the first or middle."

"That sounds fair enough."

"Just wish I could get him to stop singing you are my sunshine to my belly every time he comes back from patrol, or even just being five minutes away from me.", I sigh.

"And if he isn't singing it, he's humming it......well guess we have an idea of the baby's nickname now.", Alfred says with a wry smile.

I just groan. "He's lucky he is cute....."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dick pov

I have a goofy grin on my face as I soar through the air.

"Hey slow down Dickwing!",I hear call from behind me so I stop on top of a tall tower.

"Ever since your wedding you been more annoying then normal.", Red Hood says as he lands beside me. "Poor Phantasma."

"Really? Why is everyone liking her more then me!?", I say with false hurt.

"Because she is better?", I hear the new girl 'Goldfinch' reply. "I mean.......it's kinda obvious?"

"Remind me WHY  having Lina work under Oracle was a good idea again?", I pout.

"Because Nightwing,", Oracle responds with no doubt a smirk, "It wouldn't hurt to have someone trained to do my job if something happens."

"I thought Agent G was being trained?", Hood asks.

"He is, but he will be more kinda like Agent A but for the superhero team in Bludhaven along side Goldfinch. He will also be more of a medic."

"Either way,  if Oracle or Agent A is sick, injured, or worse, we have some backups.", I say with a shake of my head. "B's idea.....one of his backup plans. Though I have to admit....this is a valid worry to have so."

Red Hood snorts. "We are NEVER telling him he was right....he won't let us live it down."

"Do I look like I want to deal with him being smug?"

"Hey Hood,", we hear Goldfinch suddenly ask. "We still up for self defense training later?"

"Yeah we are."

"Good, we'll check in on you two later.", she says as she hangs up the comms.

"Self defense training?", I start to ask.

"Hey! Not training her to be like us, just enough to get away should something happen."

"But why with you? I.." I pause in speaking and start to smirk. "Aw. My little brother is growing up!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"YOU LIKE GOLDFINCH?!"

"W-What!? Are you insane!? Wait...what am I asking of course you are insane. But anyway! N-no I don't!"

"Well even if you don't I am pretty sure she does LIKE you.", I say as I sit on the ledge of the building.

"No way she does.", he sighs as he sits next to me. "But let's say she DOES like me like that......how are you so sure?"

"Hood..... she's not over with her crush of the second Robin who now is Red Hood....then we need to have refresher lessons on your detective skills."

"Wait.......she had a CRUSH on me back when I was Robin?"

"Is that all you got out of what I just said?"

"I guess it is kinda obvious now that I think about it...."

I smile but then frown. "We're being watched."

We go to stand up and when we do, we see a figure covered head to toe in black run across the roof then dive off.

"What the fuck!?", Hood says as we dive after but stare in shock at the figure's arm turns into a large hand to grapple around the rooftops.

"Well....that's new.", I say as we give chase. "Think we should call it in?"

"Nah, might be just Nighthound trying out a new form or something....what? If he can change sizes or add things, then why can't he be able to turn into a human form?"

The figure soon lands near the docks and runs into a abandoned warehouse and we enter.

"Where did he go?", I ask.

Suddenly, there are a bunch of figures melt out of the shadows and surround us. Some on the catwalks, others hanging upside down on support beams, and some blocking the door ways and windows. Even the skylights looked like it had at least ten surrounding each one.

"OK....safe to say...it's not Nighthound.", Hood says

I snort as I get my weapons ready. "Gee...who could have guess it wasn't."

"Yeah, yeah. Just call it in already."

"I am afraid you won't be able to.", we hear a voice from the darkest part of the building. "We need to get Phantasma's attention and what better way then having Nightwing follow one of us so we can have a chat."

And despite how cliche it is, a older man with what looks like a reverse of Jay's hair steps out of the shadows His green eyes the exact same shade of green as Zella's.

"So.....shall we chat?", he asks.

[allzelemonz]

Robin Reveal: Leonard Hofstadter X Gender Neutral Reader

Prompt: Request, Leonard is a sucker for revealing clothes Pronouns: None Mentioned Physical Sex: Any, vague language is used when needed Rating: E/Smut Warnings: Top Leonard, bottom Reader, Reader wears revealing clothes in a private space, clothing is vaguely worded to make it gender neutral, fingering, penetrative sex, Sheldon is a Dick Grayson fanboy, Leonard is a Tim Drake fanboy, Reader has their own comic knowledge and opinions, based around the argument Sheldon had with Stuart about who should succeed Batman Summary: After a long day at work Leonard comes home to find you trying on an exceptionally revealing new outfit.

Leonard sometimes wonders why Sheldon always has to have his debates while going up the stairs. Coming home from work, all he wants to do is relax with whatever show you happen to put on that will keep Sheldon quiet. But first he must endure the climb. Like Samwise Gamgee escorting a particularly chatty Frodo up Mount Doom.

“Leonard, are you even listening.” Sheldon asks, eyeing his roommate with a particularly high brow.

“Yes, Sheldon.” Leonard responds, hardly registering the question.

“So, do you agree?”

“Yes, Sheldon.” Leonard responds again as he turns the corner, just one more flight to go.

“So you won’t mind telling Stuart that Dick Grayson is the only logical choice to take the Batman mantle!” Sheldon’s excitement catches Leonard’s attention just as they reach their floor.

“Woah, woah, woah. Hold on.” Leonard pauses in front of the door. “Dick Grayson? Batman?”

“Well, yes. He’s the most logical choice-”

“Tim Drake is the most logical choice.” Leonard corrects his dear, very incorrect, friend.

Sheldon’s mouth drops open, “Tim Drake!”

“Yes, Tim Drake! He’s the best detective of all the Robin’s, he’s a tech mastermind, and he’s wildly underrated within the Batfamily.”

“Tim Drake does not hold a candle to Dick Grayson.” Sheldon snips as he marches past Leonard and into the apartment.

“Why did I get sucked into this?” Leonard asks himself before following him inside.

Sheldon has started a glaring period that will likely not end until Wolowitz comes around and says something about Damian Wayne just to rile him. Leonard ignores the stare, but he knows that it continues even after he’s gone down the hallway. He takes his bag off as he walks and opens his door, dropping it on the floor. When he looks up his mouth falls open and he hesitates for a second before closing the door.

“Wh-What are you wearing?” He asks, flattening himself against the door as if it might cave in.

“Just trying something out.” You answer as you adjust a piece of the fabric. “I’ll change in a minute, just wanted to make sure it fit.”

Leonard can’t help himself as his eyes rake over you. The clothing isn’t covering much, barely even the essentials. He’s never been more thankful that you’ve started spending more time here than at your own place. His breath catches in his throat when you look up at him and catch him staring nearly as intently as Sheldon, but with an entirely different intent.

“Is there something you wanna say, Leonard?” You let a smile spread over your face as Leonard squirms a bit against the door, redness flushing over his skin.

Leonard licks his lips and tries to smile, get words out, or stand up on his own. Anything. All of these attempts fail when you make a movement, messing with the bit of fabric that covers you.

“Oh my god.” Leonard mumbles.

“Can you stand, Leonard?”

He manages a nod, but doesn’t move.

“Then come here and help me get this off.”

Leonard moves faster than you’ve ever seen him move before, for a moment you’re concerned he’ll bring on an asthma attack. His hands are on you in seconds, finding a resting place on your hips and connecting your lips as you lead him back to the bed. He giggles with a smile fixed on his face when you lean back and push his jacket off. He follows your lead, stripping everything he can before you pull him back in for another kiss.

You pull him back until he’s above you and let him take the lead. He lowers himself against you and lets his hard dick press into your thigh as he presses further into the kiss. Your hands go to his hair and you relax as Leonard just enjoys the moment. He moves to kiss down your neck and rolls his hips against yours until you can’t wait anymore.

You begin to rid yourself of the outfit that Leonard admires so much and he follows you, shedding his boxes and making sure his glasses are in a safe spot on the nightstand. When you come back together Leonard doesn’t waste any time, he hovers over you and lets his hand sink down. You pull him in for a kiss as his fingers enter you and he stretches you out, preparing you.

Once you’ve urged him along, unable to wait much longer, Leonard lines himself up and pushes in slowly. You stifle a moan, trying to keep quiet with Sheldon in the apartment. Leonard brings your lips back to his to keep you occupied while he begins a steady rhythm, pulling out and thrusting in with the occasional change of angle until you’re nearly screaming into his mouth.

Your orgasm comes too fast and you can’t give Leonard a warning before it happens. Leonard fucks you through it, keeping his kisses frequent to stifle the noises you make before he comes himself. His thrusts become more erratic and he grips your hips tightly as he spills into you. His body falls onto yours and his breathing is heavy as you both come back from your highs. Leonard reaches a hand out, fumbling with his nightstand until he gets his inhaler. He lifts himself off of you and tries to catch his breath with its aid.

“I guess you like the new stuff then?” You ask, breathless as well.

“Yeah.” Leonard says with a laugh.

You laugh along with him for a moment before Leonard’s phone goes off from his pants pocket. He leans, reaching his arm off of the bed and grabbing it out of the pocket. He groans when he unlocks it and looks at the screen.

“What?” You ask, still catching your breath.

“Nothing, just Sheldon being Sheldon.” Leonard sighs and shakes his head.

“What did he say?”

“He wants to know who you think should take over Batman’s mantle.” Leonard tosses the phone back into the floor by his pants.

“Oh,” You chuckle. “No one.”

Leonard gives you an odd look. “No one?”

“Yeah,” You move your hand to brush back his slightly sweaty hair. “All of the Batfamily have become their own heroes, if Bruce dies Gotham will be fine in the hands of his very large family.”

Leonard looks up at the ceiling, his face screwed into that thinking face he gets when he’s considering something he’s never thought of before. Then he picks up his phone and texts Sheldon your answer. A few minutes later there is a triad of knocks at the door accompanied by your name in an alarmed tone.

[sanjisblackasswife]

“He Watches Us”(NSFW) Part 1

Idk this is my first fic for Sanji.

Summary: Luffy’s curiousity gets the best of him and Y/N gets the feeling she and her boyfriend are being watched when together.

Reader: Black Fem Chubby Reader x Sanji

Cw: Smut, Luffy (he needs to be a warning trust me), Oral, Being watched without consent, vaginal penetration, a bit of angst I guess?.

You and Sanji have been dating for such a long time now, going very slow in the relationship with you both just having your first kiss 1 month after dating and having to prevent it from being too much of a blood fest you actually had to blindfold him to calm his nerves before doing so.

But he’s grown from that.

Sort of.

None the less you both have had trial and error with the more sensual side of your relationship and since then you both finally feel comfortable enough with each other to have sex.

After being 2 years apart you both have grown and matured (and became more horny) for each other and your sex life became a pretty crucial part of your relationship, especially considering your boyfriend is a pervert and once he finally got a taste and feel on your insides he literally could not stop.

And everybody on the ship knew.

Well not everybody.

“Where’s Sanji I want to see if he can cook this fish Luffy and I caught!” Usopp asked Robin on the Sunny proudly showing the large fish beside his captain with a toothy grin.

“He and Y/N are—-“

“Oh brother again?” Zoro scoffed walking from out of one of the rooms to sit on the deck and take a nap. “Those two are gross.”

“I think it’s kind of cute.” Robin giggled.

“I think it’s annoying.” Nami grumbled , “I love y/n being more confident since she’s been with him, but she could at least be more subtle when she’s around him.” Nami remembering all the times you and Sanji were shoving each other tongues in each others mouth in the kitchen or when you would not so subtly make a joke about Sanji’s dick when you drank too much.

Luffy was always confused as to why some of the crew mates felt the way they did about you and Sanji’s relationship. He didn’t much care for it, relationships wasn’t something in the for front of his mind, he did however support you two and never questioned it.

“What are you guys talking about?” Luffy cuts Nami off her small vent, “Sanji and y/n aren’t bad for each other.”

“I’m not saying they are it’s just….ugh everyday so far they been—“

Zoro clears his throat cutting Nami off not wanting her to finish her statement since Chopper walked in. He nearly was going to stop her anyways because he didn’t want to hear it.

“Nothing , Luffy. Sanji should be done in about….15 minutes.” Nami looked at her wrist and went back to reading.

“As if he could last that long.” Zoro snickered causing Brook to laugh with him. And unfortunately Luffy heard his smart remark.

“What do you mean What are they doing ?“ The question got no answer with everybody awkwardly looking away and avoiding eye contact from their captain just made Luffy more confused.

Nobody in the crew necessarily knew whether or not Luffy understood completely what you and Sanji do when you both are alone let alone sex itself if anybody were to tell him. Everybody just assumes he has the same mentality as Chopper so they steer clear of not saying anything sexual around them both. Whenever he’d ask to join you and Sanji after you dated you wanted to hang out with your boyfriend (privately) Sanji immediately turned him down before dragging you to the bedroom. Yall knew he knew you both were boyfriend and girlfriend but the amount of times he has asked to hang out with you both just to be shot down made everybody assume Luffy didn’t know you both were having sex constantly.

Until tonight.

“S—Sanji! …yessssss right thereeee.” Your raspy voice moaned so softly rubbing Sanji’s hair back as his tongue was swirling lazy circles on your clit. The feeling on his wet lips kissing in between licks drove you mad as you started to grind your hips on his face & that’s what Sanji wanted.

“Good…girl.” He muffled. You could feel his teeth grazing inside you as if he was threatening to bite your clit.

You kinda hoped he did.

The sounds of smacking, sucking, and moaning continued and it began to seep through your door.

“Aaah!” Luffy happily yawned leaving the bathroom. He was exhausted and slowly walked himself to his room for the night.

As he was walking in silence his eyes began to feel heavy wanting him to exhale once more, but his yawn was cut off by a weird sound he heard coming from your room.

“Hm?” He hummed to himself, he decided to follow the noise. He finally got to your door and placed his ear to hear closely when the door slowly creaked open with it going unnoticed between you and Sanji.

“Oh.” Luffy was welcomed to the side view of Sanji pounding your insides with your head so close to hitting the headboard if it weren’t for Sanji noticing and holding it with one hand to prevent that.

This was actually one of the very rare times that Luffy was not only embarrassed, but flustered seeing how you looked under Sanji.

You were the official gunslinger of the crew. Your skills were unmatched (a little under the skill of Shanks’ gunslinger) and in your past you were known for being an assassin so you were anything, but weak. Luffy knew you to be a bit more of a mixture of unhinged, to the point, and not to be messed with demeanor so seeing you with tears filling your eyes practically whining and begging Sanji not to stop was a whole new look for you.

(You ever have one of those dreams about someone that whether it was good or bad you now woke up and seen them differently? Yeah this is the same thing for Luffy but 10x over)

“Ri—right there! Yes! Ah! Yes! Yes!” Your arms were reaching out for any blanket or cover to grip as you felt the tingly and overwhelming sensation of another orgasm hitting the bottom of your stomach. Your arched your back which welcomed Sanji to stop moaning for a second to lower his head and suck on your now sensitive nipples for extra stimulation. His thrusts began to stutter emphasizing the wet sounds of his hip slapping your butt.

“SA—mmmm.” Your last moan was cut into a muffle with Sanji rushing to your face lowering your leg down gently to kiss you sloppily. The hand that was once on the headboard is now wrapped around the back of your head and his other now free hand rubbing soft and teasing light circles on your sensitive, gooey clit. It was so wet and hot between you two the cool feeling of Sanji’s cold fingers touching you made you gasped welcoming his tongue inside your mouth.

Luffy was overwhelmed.

Yeah he’s seen plenty of women naked, but seeing his left hand man and his loyal gunslinger in the bed making such a mess. It now left Luffy actually speechless.

Then it began to click as to why Nami and Zoro said what they said.

Sex! You both have sex a lot!

Luffy felt his face heat up at what he seen and also felt a tightness in his pants. He looked down to see a boner, which nearly scared him because he very rarely gets those! He notices Sanji slowly getting up off of you and out the bed and Luffy sprints off knowing that if he were caught he may get kicked in the face by a naked Sanji.

The next day you guys docked on a small island for a quick store run. Everybody had breakfast which wasn’t out of the ordinary for anybody except Luffy. He usually sits beside you while eating and it’s never an issue, but this morning he couldn’t stop fidgeting next to you. His eyes lingered to your mouth as you ate the delicious pancakes Sanji made. Noticing the syrup that ran down the side of your mouth looking oh so similar to how the drool fell down the side of your mouth as you came last night.

After learning about what you both REALLY do when you are alone, Luffy was feeling a bit awkward being around you and Sanji now and it nearly annoyed him, but he wasn’t sure how to handle it especially of how his body reacted to seeing you both last night.

His immediate thoughts were cut short from hearing some familiar voices.

“Luffy!” You smiled walking towards your Captain holding your pretty boyfriend’s hand. “Where’s Usopp i thought you both were paired off to buy some food?”

“Y/N!” Luffy turned to smile back at his beautiful friend, and right after he pointed his thumb outwards to answer you question he gets a better look at you.

“Oh he um…” Luffy‘s words trailed off slowly after seeing the purple ish red hickie on your exposed chest. It wasn’t completely noticeable since it was peaking from the side of your top, but it didn’t go unnoticed by your captain. “He um…I don’t know I lost him.”

“Well you better find him, Nami said we have to leave in an hour. “ Sanji took an inhale of his cigarette. “Also we found that meat you like so much. I may cook it tonight if you want.”

Luffy immediately smiled and of course agreed to eating some of that delicious meat. He actually began to slowly forget what he was so nervous about after hearing his favorite word.

Meat.

That evening everyone was back on the ship doing their daily routine of either training, reading, or working on the ship. Usually, you sit and chat with Sanji in the kitchen following his every movement with your eyes. It became a thing you did to tease him when you first joined knowing how nervous he was around you, and though he still feels a tint of nerve being around you he actually enjoys you around. You believe those nightly cooking sessions with him are what made you fall for him.

“Open.” Sanji sweetly commanded you as he had some white substance on his fingers. You do as told by lightly gripping his wrist to guide it closer to your mouth and innocently suck on his index and middle finger. Sanji swears to you he only feeds you like that because “it’s a better way to taste it”, but you knew it was really because he loved when you suck on his fingers.

“Oooh that taste like cheese cake!” The creamy sweetness melted on your tongue as you smacked your mouth to get a better taste .

“It’s a cheesecake frosting I made for tonight’s dessert. I know how much you love cheesecake.” Sanji chuckled a little taking a subtle suck to his fingers he pulled out of your mouth. You giggle at him before Sanji leans down to peck your lips.

Mid kiss you felt someone standing to your left. You were always alert to your surroundings by default and with being with the crew for so long you can now tell which crew mate is in the room without having to even look at them.

However last night the only sense you had was Sanji pounding into you.

“Hey Captain. Whatcha doing?” You didn’t have to face Luffy to greet him, you just smirked a bit hearing his footsteps approach you from behind before kissing Sanji’s cheek one last time so he can finish dinner.

“I um…” Luffy scratched the back of his head chuckling to himself contemplating on his next question. ”…Y/N can I sleep in your room tonight?”

TBC…

Part 2 Here.

Don’t steal or rp my writing it’ll piss me off

[incorrectbatfam]

Castaway

Batfamily Week 2023 day 4: Deaging | Miscommunication | “I just crashed the Batmobile!”

Summary

When you leave a kid in charge of other kids, you still have a group of unsupervised kids.

In unrelated news, Alfred gets turned into an 8-year-old boy.

“Alfred, have you seen my jacket?”

“It’s in the dryer, Master Jason.”

“Alfred, I need you to fetch the Riddler case file.”

“On it, Master Bruce.”

“Alfred, can we have cookies after patrol?”

“As long as no one gets injured, Miss Cassandra.”

“Alfred, tell Damian to stop biting me!”

“Tell Timothy I claimed the shower first!”

“Leaving your towel in the sink isn’t claiming it.”

“Is too!”

“Alfred, where is my super suit?” Duke giggled. “Just kidding, I’ve always wanted to do that.”

Alfred groaned and rubbed the pulsing vein in his temple. He slapped the case file on Bruce’s desk, receiving half a grunt in return, before going to the kitchen to start those cookies. 

As he mixed the dough, he felt someone crouch under the sink, breathing against his leg.

“I’m sorry, Miss Stephanie, but you’ll have to wait until I’m done to lick the bowl.”

Stephanie silently pouted and sulked off. 

He stopped to wipe a bead of sweat off his brow. And as timing would have it, Dick flipped over the island and flung an arm over Alfred’s shoulder.

“Heya Alfie! Ooh, you’re making cookies. Can you make me a really big one that I can call dibs on? As the oldest and awesomest, I think I should have that privilege. And if Babs asks, I can say I technically only had one cookie.”

“First, Master Dick, I told you no more kitchen gymnastics,” Alfred said. “Second, like the other dozen times you asked, my answer is no. You have to share.”

“Come on, just this once? Pretty please?” 

“If I give you a spoonful of dough will you stop asking?”

“Sure.”

Alfred scooped a spoonful of the chocolate chip dough and was just about to plop it in Dick’s cupped hands when he stopped.

“Did you wash your hands?”

“Whoops! One sec.” 

While Dick did that, Alfred turned and nearly had a heart attack.

“Miss Stephanie! Get off the refrigerator this instant!” 

Stephanie licked her lips, eyeing the dough.

“Oh, fine, you can both have one.” 

He gave Dick one dough ball. Stephanie opened her mouth and he reluctantly flung the other at her. She caught it and crawled back down like a spider. He didn’t even have a second to process that, however, as the phone rang.

“Wayne residence, may I ask who is calling?” He squeezed the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he rolled the dough onto the floured countertop. “I’m sorry, Mr. Drake is not available right now. Please call back during his office hours.”

He hung up. It rang again.

“I already told you—oh, sorry, Mr. Fox. I mistook you for someone else there.” He resumed his awkward phone-holding position as he rummaged around for the cookie cutters. “Yes, I can pass the message. We can place a rush order for those parts by tomorrow. Does that work?” Alfred stamped out the shapes. “Excellent, I’ll have Master Bruce follow up with you.”

He slammed the phone down and made a mental note to get a new one with caller ID. He arranged the cookies on the platter… 

Only to realize he forgot to preheat the oven. 

Sighing, he switched it on. While it slowly warmed up, he passed Lucius’s message along to Bruce, broke up a fight between Tim and Damian over a shampoo bottle, and scrubbed down all the mixing bowls. Then he put the trays in the oven, set the Robin Laid An Egg timer, and finally let out the breath he’d been holding. 

“Alfred!” someone called. 

He sighed softly. “I will be right there.” 

.

.

.

Read the rest on Ao3

@batfamilyweek

Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3

[nervousgardenerkid]

hello hello bestie!! robin request headed your way :D

can i get robin with a crush on reader who’s a regular at scoops ahoy, so much so that robin thinks that reader is there to like ogle steve or something (he needed a win to be fair) but steve knows reader is there all the time for robin and goes about trying to convince robin that reader has a crush on them too (with many shenanigans and the recruitment of the squad tm)

thank you <3333

Wednesdays

a/n: ROBIN MY BELOVED!! ugh i kinda love this im ngl👀i hope you enjoy this bestie!! i love you and ur beautiful brain for this idea UGH ur so smart! credits to the gif owner! <3

warnings: none! just some good ol fluff <3

Wednesday was possibly one of the slowest days for scoops. Robin hated Wednesdays and she always will! At least that's what she thought until you started coming every Wednesday. Robin mentally curses as her hands go clammy at the mere thought of you coming in. You go to school with her and thankfully you have a free period at the end of the day so you leave an hour earlier than everyone else.

She glances at the clock, gulping when she realizes she has five minutes till she sees you. Steve walks out of the backroom, tossing his hat on the small counter behind them.

“I never get why they schedule us both on Wednesday. I mean, seriously, we've had one customer all day.”

Robin hummed without listening to him. She was lost in her thoughts trying to figure out what to say to you when you come by. She stood still chewing nervously at her bottom lip as she thought about the last interaction you two had. Steve did most of the talking because of how awkward she was, she would just nervously laugh along to whatever Steve said. This cannot be like the last time she thinks to herself.

“Robin!”

Robin breaks free from her thoughts and looks at Steve's annoyed facial expression.

“What the hell do you-”

“Hi, Robin.”

Oh no. No, no, no this can't be happening. There's no way Robin was that lost in her thoughts that five minutes flew by. She slowly turns to where your voice came from and lets out a nervous giggle.

“H-hey y/n! What uh, what are you getting today?”

Steve rolls his eyes and mumbles something along the lines of the same thing she always gets.

You giggle at her nervous behavior and smile at Steve.

“Oh it's okay, you looked pretty deep in thought so Steve said he'd ring me up.”

At the mention of that, Robin turns and sees Steve flashing you his charming smile while he hands you the cone of strawberry ice cream. Her heart breaks a little as your fingers brush against his. Of course, Steve Harrington gets the girl. Steve always gets the girl, and Robin feels embarrassed that she even thought she had a chance with you. She tunes out the rest of the world, her brain going on autopilot mode. She sees Steve's mouth moving but she doesn't hear anything, she's grateful for it because of the blush on your cheeks she can only imagine what he told you.

You clear your throat and nod your head at the two of them. “Well uh, I guess I'll see you both around?”

You sound hopeful as your eyes fall on Robin who's nodding her head and giving you a sad smile.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow l/n.”

“See you next Wednesday y/n!” Steve shouted as you walked out of the small parlor. Steve crosses his arms against his chest and smiles.

“What a nice girl.”

Robin rolls her eyes at Steve.

“You're a dick, you know that?”

“Excuse me?!” he scoffed.

Robin storms to the backroom and throws herself down in the first chair she sees.

“Out of every girl in Hawkins you had to get the one I like,” she grumbled under her breath while crossing her arms.

Steve follows her, confusion evident on his face. “Robin what-”

She grabs the marker putting a tally mark under you rule.

“I guess you can use the win though.”

“What the hell are you talking about Buckley?!”

Robin slowly turns to look at him, upset that he's making her say this.

“You got a date with y/n. Congrats.”

Steve furrows his brows and shakes his head.

“Okay, you need to pull your head out of your ass 'cause that's not what happened.”

“I do not have my head in my ass.”

“Oh really? Cause your ass must be jealous of how much shit is coming out of your mouth.”

Robin’s jaw drops and she puts a hand over her chest in mock offense.

“How dare you-”

“Shut up. I love you, but shut up.”

Robin sighs and leans against the chair. She nods her head signaling for Steve to say what needs to be said.

“I never asked her out, if you would listen,” he said while pointing at his ears. “You would've heard that I was trying to help you out.”

Robin tilts her head in confusion, help her out how?

Steve shakes his head and chuckles.

“For someone who likes girls so much, you sure do suck at reading them.” he humbled under his breath.

Robin ignores his snarky comment and backtracks a bit, trying to wrap her head around what Steve is saying.

“So, you didn't ask her out?”

“No, I wouldn't do that to you.”

Robin smiles at Steve, she begins to erase the tally mark she drew earlier and chuckles under her breath.

“You know what this means Harrington.”

Steve furrows his brows, then rolls his eyes when he sees Robin draw a line under you suck.

“This just isn't your year!”

“Bite me.”

-

Robin anxiously chews on her nails as her eyes fall on the small clock. She doesn't want to sound like a stalker, but you're late. It's not five minutes late no, you're thirty minutes late, and Steve left for his lunch nearly twenty minutes ago. That means Robin has a ten-minute window of just you and her talking and to say she's nervous is an understatement. When she sees you turn the corner she lets out a breath she didn't even realize she was holding and waves at you.

“Hey y/n!”

You smile and sigh. “Hey, Robs! Is uh, is Steve here?”

Robin feels her shoulders slump and she clears her throat.

“Uh, y-yeah he is, he left for his lunch though.”

“How long ago?”

Why does it matter? She thinks to herself.

“Maybe twenty minutes ago? He should be back in ten if you wanted to stay and wait.”

Robin knows you aren't here for her, but she still finds herself hoping that you'll stay and keep her company.

“Ah, I can't stay that long. Can you tell him I stopped by?”

She gives you a tight-lipped smile and nods her head.

“Of course.”

You dig in your bag, grabbing a pen and a napkin from the dispenser that was on the counter. Robin watches as you scribble your number down, adding a small heart at the end of your name.

“Here, you can just give that to him and tell him to call me whenever,” you say with a smile as you slide the napkin her way.

“I gotta head out now. Bye Robin! I'll see you at school!”

Robin doesn't even bother saying bye. She gives you a sad wave goodbye and grabs the napkin that's resting on the counter. She stares at it and stuffs it in her pocket. It took her a while, but she feels comfortable in her skin. She's happy and content with the life that she has but god does she want to be Steve at this moment.

What does he have that she doesn't? Why does Steve always get the girl and why did she believe him when he told her that you had a crush on her? She should've known better, Robin Buckley isn't Steve Harrington. She doesn't have his charming personality, she doesn't have his amazing hair, and she doesn't get the girl.

“Here you go, Buckley,” Steve said as he gave her the plate of pizza he got from the food court. “How you eat that plate of grease is beyond me, but to each their own.”

He leans against the wall, arms crossed over his chest as he looks over at his quiet friend.

“So, did y/n come by?”

“Yup.”

“How’d it go?”

She reaches into her pocket and shows him the napkin. Steve stands straighter and smiles at her, looking around to make sure no one is around while he congratulates her.

“Robin, that's great! You got her number.”

“No, you did,” she said as she put the napkin next to him.

Steve opens his mouth ready to ask her a question, but she grabs the pizza and starts to make her way to the food court.

“Like I said last week Steve, congrats. You needed the win.”

-

The next day comes faster than Robin would've liked. She stayed up late all night tossing and turning trying to not think about how you could be on the phone with Steve. Her stomach churned at the thought of you giggling at the stupid jokes he tells. Stupid Steve. She knows Steve would shut it down the second a move would be made, but she likes to torture herself.

That's why she's in her first-period class, chin resting in the palm of her hand as she imagines you and Steve on a date. Better to move on than wallow in her puddle of sadness. She's deep in thought when she feels a piece of paper hit her arm. She turns her head to see who threw it, brows going up when you point to the paper on the floor by her feet.

Are you mad at me?

She twirls her pen in her hand and looks over at you.

No.

I don't believe you >:(

Robin chuckles at the angry face you made and shrugs her shoulders.

Don't know what to tell you then, but I could never be mad at you.

She misses the blush that dances along your cheeks and feels her heart start to pound when she reads what you wrote.

Meet me under the bleachers after lunch? I have something to tell you.

She gives you a nervous smile and nods her head. Her hands feel clammy as she stuffs the note in her pocket, she's definitely gonna read the note until she meets you under the bleachers trying to figure out what you'll tell her.

Robin decides to skip lunch altogether because she's too nervous to eat the food she packed for herself. She finds herself under the bleachers, picking random pieces of grass before throwing them back on the floor.

“There you are! I was starting to think you were avoiding me.”

She looks up at you, her brain short-circuiting when she sees you.

“Uh, no. I'm not avoiding you. W-why would I avoid you? Do I need to avoid you? Are you sick-”

You giggle and gran onto her shoulders.

“Calm down Buckley. I was just making an observation.”

She nods her head not listening. She wants to remember how your hands feel on her.

“Are we okay though? Like…us?”

“I don't see why not,” she whispered.

You sigh and sit on the patch of grass, tugging Robin’s arm so she can join you.

“I talked to Steve last night.”

Robin wants to leave. Of course, you wanted to talk to her about Steve. She feels so stupid for thinking otherwise.

“Steve is a great guy, you're in good hands.”

“Wha-”

“I mean, he can be a little dumb at times but overall he's a good guy. He's like a golden retriever, so I'm glad he's your boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?”

The air around you gets tense.

“Yeah? Or has he not asked you out yet? Oh my god, did I ruin the surprise?! He's gonna kill me, don't tell him I told you-”

“I don't like Steve.”

“Oh…well, you better let him know 'cause I don't want him to fall for you only for it not to happen.”

You giggle. “Trust me, I think he knows.”

Silence falls over the two of you before you clear your throat to speak up.

“Steve knows I don't like him, but do you?”

“I do now, yeah.”

You sigh. “But do you believe it?”

She didn't. She knew eventually you'd fall for Steve, they all did. Her thoughts stop when your hand suddenly grabs hers.

“I need you to believe it, Robin.”

“Why?” she asks quietly. She squeezes your hand gently getting used to the feeling of it. She doesn't want you to let go.

“I don't like Steve,” you whisper back.

Robin chuckles. “Yeah, I gathered that.”

You chew at the inside of your lip anxiously, you want to cry. You're not sure why, but the familiar stinging that's coming from your eyes is irritating and you want to scream at the lump that's forming in your throat. Robin notices the change in your behavior and sits up straight.

“Hey, what's wrong?”

“I don't like Steve, Robin.”

“Okay, okay I believe you-”

“I'm supposed to like Steve. I'm supposed to be with someone like him, get married to someone like him, have someone like him be the father to my children, but I just…I don't.”

Oh. Oh.

Robin’s mouth goes dry at what you're saying. She gets it. She gets all of it. You squeeze her hand tightly, scared of how she'll react to what you're about to say next.

“I gave Steve my number because I needed advice.”

“On?”

“...on how to ask out a girl.”

Robin felt like she took one step forward and one step back. She's over the moon that you like girls, but now she's sad because what girl do you have a crush on and how can she get it to be her?

“U-uh, who's the girl?”

“You.”

She's dead. She has to be. There's no way her crush has a crush on her. This doesn't happen to Robin, it never has and she thought it never would, but here she is. Under the bleachers, holding her crush's hand as she confesses to her.

“I-i get it if you don't feel the same and if you want to stop hanging around me. Steve just gave…lots of hints and made it seem like you felt the same way, but from your lack of response, I'm guessing you don't? Actually, can we just pretend this never happened-”

“I like you too.”

“What?”

Robin is smiling, it's the kind of smile that hurts her cheeks and reaches all the way up to her beautiful eyes, and god do you want to kiss her.

“I like you too. Ever since you walked into scoops and asked for a strawberry ice cream. Which, by the way, you didn't get yesterday-”

“Shut up about the ice cream Robin,” you mumbled while pulling her in by her jacket.

“Yeah, yeah okay. I can do that. A-are you gonna kiss me?”

“Can I?”

“Yeah, yeah you can.”

That was all you needed to hear before your lips were on hers. You're both smiling into the kiss, teeth gently clashing against each other, a squeal leaving your mouth when her hands fall on your waist and bring you into her waist. Your hands go up to her neck, playing with the ends of her hair as you try to bring her closer. You curse yourself for needing oxygen as you pull away from her.

Both of you are panting, trying to catch your breath while giggles leave you both. Robin has been happy before, but this is new. She feels like she’s on cloud nine, she’s convinced that she can do absolutely anything she wants but all she wants is to feel your lips on hers again. So that's what she does. She leans in again smiling against your lips when she hears your giggle.

“Robin,” kiss. “Robin, we're gonna,” kiss. “We're gonna be late!”

She pulls away to pour at you. “I don't want to go to class. Let's skip.”

You snort and roll your eyes. “And do what?”

“I mean, I can think of a few things.”

“You horn dog!”

She lets out a laugh and plays with the rings that decorate your hands.

“Can you say it again?” she asks you quietly. How she manages to go from being confident back to being nervous is beyond you, but you wouldn't change it one bit. You gently hold her face in your hands and have her look up at you. Your heart leaps out of your chest when she turns her hand slightly and places a soft kiss in the palm of your hand.

“I like you, Robin. I really like you.”

“Yeah, you're pretty cool too,” she mumbles before bringing you back to her lips.

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