#devouring this bag rn

[the-lavender-clown]

Cool Ranch is the best Dorito flavor and I will not be taking criticism

[supersonicgf99]

lately ive been soooooo mentally drained by research & resentful of my own decision to be in academia but i finally finally snapped into the paper im working on and there is literally nothing like the feeling when all the pieces start coming together

[eupheme]

I am obsessed w Logan rn & I’m itching for something where wade teases logan about not being able to please reader in bed so Logan eats her out & fucks her in front of wade while he watches & gets himself off? 😇 (love you btw 🥰)

Oooh love this idea, anon! This felt sort of like a reverse version of come on and show me! so imagine the same vibes, in a different origin story kinda way 💖 thank you for sending this in!

wade wilson x f!reader x logan howlett

rated e | 400 words | wade pov, oral (f rec, implied piv)

He should be ashamed.

It’s like taking candy from a goddamn baby, wrapped up in one of those fucky little sleeping bags. Not even his best acting, and that’s saying a lot. Green Lantern-level, if he’s being honest.

Logan is just too easy. All it took was a pensive look, as he had come in the door. A little shrug, an “I dunno babe, he’s cute and all-“

Paired with an appraising look, as his roommate’s lip curled, “I just-, sorry. There’s no way you’re using your mouth like I can.”

It works. Of course it fucking does, he’s a goddamn genius. Has cheat codes downloaded from GameFAQS that tells him just the right buttons to rile Logan up.

Logan bristles, this full-body thing that Wade can see. A sharp glint in his eyes, a rough growl in his throat.

Wrapped right around his finger.

Like he said, as he gives a sideways glance - too fucking easy.

Logan is a beast.

Should he taking notes? He should be doing something other than staring - breath caught in his chest as Wade watches him devour you.

His tongue is as long as the rumors, and the whimpers Logan pulls so sweetly from you proves he clearly knows how to use it. Fingers that match, plunging deep and curling. Macaroni in a fucking pot, and it’s not even noon.

One of your legs hooks over his shoulder, across the yellow suit, and Wade wants to thank his lords and saviors Liefeld and Nicieza, Dolly Parton - whoever the fuck is listening - that Logan had decided to leave it on, the little freak that he is.

The scene has him as hard as Cap’s shield, and he hasn’t even touched himself yet. Afraid he’ll burst, and if they’re playing some form of sex chicken right now - he’s sure as hell not coming first.

No, that honor goes to you. Logan’s name chanted out, begging - hips rocking into his beautiful, chiseled face as you gush around his fingers like a goddamn goddess.

A filthy glare shot in his direction from between your thighs - and Wade’s never come untouched, but this old dog is certainly willing to learn new tricks.

It’s a clear challenge - Logan’s lips slick with your release and the thought of tasting his girl on those lips have his nails sinking into his ballsack of a bean bag chair.

“Is that good enough for you, mouth?” It’s snarled out, as if Logan isn’t hard as fuck beneath all that leather.

“Oh,” Wade sighs, in a sing-songy voice, “Must have dozed off, peanut.”

Puts his whole wadussy into it, this time. Deserves an Oscar, really, with the way he stifles a yawn. Stretches.

Unable the help the grin. “Guess you outta show me what that jacked hughman can do.”

[emptywwwriting]

Brat

Paring: Joel Miller x reader

Summary: After you make a stupid call and get you and Joel into a bad situation he teaches you a lesson

or

Joel fucks some sense into you over a table.

Warnings: Smut, rough sex, Joel is mean, Joel calls you names, reader is high on pain pills lowkey but everything is consented to, it makes sense I promise just read, Joel pushes you around, age gap

WC: 2.5k

A03: Brat

Notes: This is nasty asf im so sorry, feel free to leave feed back. also send asks if u have ideas for future fics. Anyways I have had this written but unpolished for a while, and im lowkey unmotivated with my age gap Jackson fic rn so I wanted to give y'all something until then

Edit: I finally edited it! i hope it sounds a little better, and tysm for notes :)))

“What the fuck is your problem?” Joel yells slamming the door harshly behind him.

“My problem? What the fuck?” You throw your bag down in defeat. 

“We could have brought back all that fucking supplies and you just blew it all up.” You’re yelling at him now.

“Yeah,” He huffs. “real good it would have done us dead!” He's taking steps towards you.

Your throat tightens.

“That loss was on fucking you. We could have just slid by and not started nothin’, now we're down on supplies even more and you have a fuckin hole in your side.” He’s seething and growing closer.

“Yeah, I would've had a real good fix if you had listened to me!” You're shaking, and taking steps towards him, finger in his face.

It's a screaming match, but you're losing steam, the wound on your side is manageable but painful, the stitches pull at your skin and you're still a little dizzy from the blood loss, but the pain pills Joel had shoved in your mouth should kick in any moment.

You and Joel had just stumbled into the middle of a hunter's base while traveling. It was filled with supplies like ammo, guns, and food. The two of you disagreed on whether to get the supplies or not, Joel thought it was too risky but you disagreed. Your stubbornness led to a massive shootout, and shortly after the first shot was fired, the two of you were cornered. Joel had to throw a pipe bomb, which inevitably killed the hunters and blew the supplies to pieces. You barely escaped the fight after a bullet grazed your side. Now you were left with no ammo or supplies, and a pissed-off Joel.

“Listen to you?” He retorts, shocked. “You nearly got us killed!” He's gaining on you, backing you into the wall.

“I was thinking ahead! If you would have just followed me and not made a fuss, we would have been fine!” Your voice starts to falter as his tall frame devours you.

“Thinking ahead my ass, you were only thinkin’ bout yourself!” He furiously spat. 

You back up slowly, as he continues to yell. You can't think of anything else to say, and your throat feels raw. His eyes are filled with rage, brows pinched together tightly. His hand lands on your shoulder, and with a firm shove, your back instantly hits the wall. Before you can process what happened, his hand flies up, grasping your jaw harshly and pulling your head to look up at him.

“If you’re gonna act like a fuckin’ idiot again, don't drag me down with you.” He says carefully. 

His chest is rising and falling quickly fighting aginst the constaints of his flannel The breath has been ripped from your lungs as you stare up at him anticipaitingly. You can't break eye contact, and silence is starting to take over, only both of your heavy breathing fills the air. His eyes are black, staring so deep into your own you feel like you can't hide anything. His grip on your jaw loosens, only for a moment before you are yanked towards him. His lips crash into yours messily, capturing you in a violent kiss. His body is pushed into yours, knee slotting in between your legs, pressing you even further back into the wall. You feel his teeth graze your lips, biting and nipping at anything he can. You try to keep up with the frantic kiss, but can't. His hands move from your jaw to your neck, to your shoulder and back, like he doesn't know where to go. Your own are frozen at your side, balled into fists. The fast pace is bruising and your jaw begins to ache from his force. 

His lips leave yours, as he brings your head up further craning it. Just as you are finally able to take a breath, he reconnects to your neck. Sucking on every inch of skin he can, it's fast and almost narotic, anamiliostic even, but it doesn't stop you from trying to squeeze your legs together. His bites become more harsh and you can't help but let out weak groans. He pushes his knee up into you more and your legs go numb. Your mouth is wide open, eyes screwed shut.

Joel is littering kisses and merciless bites down the column of your neck, hands feeling feverishly up and down your sides.

He trails to your collarbone, biting it gently then making his way back up. He kisses his way to your jaw and over to your ear before standing up completely. His leg disappears from under you and you have to catch yourself from falling.

Looking down at you, his eyes are still dark.

“Go stand in front of the table.” His voice sounds scratchy and out of breath. 

You stare at him blinking dumbly trying to make sense of everything that just happened. Your mouth opens to say something, but the thought is lost as soon as it had come to you. His hair is disheveled, sleeves are rolled up exposing his aged yet muscular forearms. He is so tall and so brooding, it's so terrifyingly attractive. Something about his rage is just turning you on more and you know its wrong but it feels so good.

“You stupid or sumthin’?” He sounds mean, so condescending, and normally his talking down on you enrages you, but right now, everything in your head wants more of him. His kisses, his smell, the way his knee felt pushing up against your most sensitive part, you feel high.

He tilts his head at you warningly, and you slowly push yourself off the wall and walk shakily over to the table in the middle of the dusty room. You place your hands on the edge of the table standing up straight and facing away from Joel. It's quiet for a minute before you hear the thudding of his boots growing closer to you. They stop just behind you and you're shoved over the table by a rough hand. You whine at this quietly, hands braced against the surface. Once again he makes contact with your back, pushing you slowly yet firmly into the piece of furniture, forcing your arms out to the side of you.

“You’re a fuckin’ brat.” His hands trail their way to your hips squeezing long and hard, pulling them against his own. He's kneading the flesh, you feel his eyes burning holes into you.

“Just a stupid kid, thinkin’ you always know what's best.” He trails off and starts pulling your jeans down and over your ass slowly. The cold air of the room gives you chills and you attempt to push your legs together.

You turn your head to the side.

“N-not a kid.” You are barely able to get out, your lungs still feel empty.

His hand makes contact with your now bare ass. Not hard, but enough to make you close your mouth.

“Shut it.” He's serious.

He sighs and continues.

“You're cocky, and young...” He pauses for a moment, maybe second guessing himself about to fuck a twenty year old girl, the same thought crosses your mind but neither of you really care at this point.

Your head is spinning out of control, a slight nausous feelings seeps into your gut when you suddenly recall the three multi-colored pills Joel had given you earlier. Your stomach drops for only a moment before you recognize the euphoria flooding your brain. 

You barely notice the sound of Joel’s belt buckle coming undone.

“Should have listened to me ya know,” He says, grabbing your ass firmly and pulling it away from the table, and snapping you out of your thoughts. 

“I've kept you safe for how many months now?” He grunts, prodding your entrance.

You gasp.

He leans to the side and makes eye contact with you.

“Listen to me next time and maybe you won't have a fuckin’ hole in your stomach again.” He stands back up straight again.

“Mhm sorry-” Your apology is empty, you feel like you're melting into the table, and all you can think about is the feeling of his dick at your hole. You're not really sorry, your just sorry hes not already in you.

You know this, and he knows this.

“Yeah, sorry don't cut it no more. Think you can look all pretty at me and I'll forgive you? I'm done with that shit.” He thrusts into you so suddenly you yell, or at least you think you do, but you're too dizzy and the feeling of his cock deep inside is all you can feel. He's saying something but you can't hear anymore, your eyes are shut and all you know is the weight of him inside you. His touch is like a mantra in your head.

Joel Joel Joel Joel

He pulls back quickly, then slowly sinks into you again. You're moaning over each inch, unable to do anything but take it. He pushes your ass apart, and pulls out slightly, sinking back in once more. He repeats this slowly a few more times, mesmerized by the sight of you sucking him in. Your moans come out strangled, and you stumble over incoherent words.

“I always take care of you right?” His voice is low. His hands go to your hips again and continue at a slow pace. The wet sound is so disgustingly loud, that it makes you cringe, but just as with every other thought, it is quickly blurred. Your brain is foggy with lust, and probably the painkillers, but that doesn't matter right now, nothing but this amazing feeling inside of you matters.

You moan in response. He huffs out a laugh.

“You're never this compliant, this what I have t’do to make you listen?” His hands squeeze you harder.

You hum so brokenly in response he almost feels bad, but the way you're gripping around him lulls him in further, there's no going back now.

“Gon' be real good for me?” His southern drawl drips off of every word he says. 

“Let me take care of you like I always do. You be a good girl and keep layin’ here.” You go to speak but your words die in your throat when he slams into you again. 

His pace quickens so fast you can't move anymore. Your eyes are now wide open staring across the empty room, mouth open moaning non stop. He is hitting something so devastating inside of you that your knees go weak and hang loosely over the table. He's grunting, with each thrust, lost in the way you feel.

“Fuck, so good. Feels so good.” He's breathless, holding onto your bruised hips for dear life.

“Shoulda' done this months ago.” He slurs.

The thought of Joel fucking you, in the truck, in the woods, in dilapidated houses, really anywhere, is making the blood rush to your head. Your neglected clit is throbbing needily, and your stomach is beginning to tighten.

Your walls squeeze around him and his pace falters for a moment as he lets out a strangled moan, he sounds like he's in pain. You on the other hand are just yelling at this point, weak moans lace everything that comes out of your mouth. Your arms are gripping the flat surface as much as possible, bracing yourself against his violent movements. The coil tightens and you feel your orgasm approaching.

An “Oh god” leaves your mouth but it's so slurred and desperate it doesn't feel real.

“Come on baby girl.” He angles his hips down and you're blinded by the feeling. 

“Fuckin’, god... Brat. Come all over me.” He sounds breathless, yet still furious. 

You're so high on his everything, that the words only push you further and further over the cliff, and suddenly your whole body tenses so unbelievably tight you can't move. Your hips stutter back against Joel, locking him inside of you. He's sputtering your name, mixed with Fuck’s and You feel so good’s.

Your insides clamp down on him and he stops moving completely, now just grinding his hips into yours weakly. Each wave tightens your body even more than the last, it goes on for what feels like forever. Eventually, the final surge passes and you melt into the table, completely limp. Your senses are numb, and all you can feel is Joel's dick jerking in you rhythmically.

He must have come but you were so overwhelmed by your own orgasm you didn't even notice. He's breathing hard above you, your body is coated in sweat, soaking through your shirt. Slowly your feelings come back. Joel finally releases your hips and pulls out of you gradually. The feeling is deflating, and you feel even smaller than before. Your hole flutters around nothing, but you can't move off the table still. You feel Joel staring at you, and then you feel it start to trickle out of you, shame floods your mind and your face goes red. You feel him bend down to grab the jeans that were still hanging off your ankles, pulling them up and over your ass again. The dampness of his cum makes you shift slightly, and you try to push yourself up off the table. When you do your vision goes black, and you hesitate not wanting to pass out on him right after he fucked you.

Slowly now you stand, legs trembling under your weight. The euphoria of the painkillers is coursing through your body so intensely, that you had forgotten about the wound. Reaching down to feel it, it was dry still not bleeding. 

That's surprising.

You turn to see Joel gathering his things from around the room, and throwing his backpack over his shoulder. He's running his hands nervously through his hair.

How does he look so composed?

Your hair is tangled and messy, dried tears crust your face, and your jeans are still not buttoned and unzipped.

“Get your stuff.” He says quietly, timidly, and not making eye contact.

He wants to leave now?

“We’re not-, I can't even-” You stutter, shocked at how he expects you to be able to walk back to the truck in this state.

“Get  your   stuff.” He says again, giving you a warning glance. 

You blink at him, you're dizzy and weak, everything is sore in the best way possible but you genuinely don't feel like you can walk. You struggle over to your backpack and scoop it off the floor, putting it on. When you look up Joel has already opened the door and is scouting the area, making sure no one is in sight. Once clear he steps out, holding the door for you. You walk slowly, limping over to him not looking him in the eye, you're too embarrassed to. When you step outside he closes the door and begins walking in the direction of the truck. You feel frail and the idea of the half-mile walk back makes you feel even more fatigued. He seems weirdly unbothered by everything that just happened, while you on the other hand are a wreck. 

The whole way back, you stumble after Joel, underwear uncomfortably wet. 

[sovksluv]

hi! could you do something with luke castellan x a lowkey bitchy reader? like very snarky and kinda bratty, but is only rly sweet to him?

sparks

𖤐 . pairing - Luke Castellan x gn!reader

𖤐. summary - you’re a hater at heart (so real) buuuuut you have the sweetest soft spot for your sweetest “best friend”

𖤐 . content includes - mean/hater!reader (as you should), random (probably douchey) ares kid, allusions to crushes, the word loser (im watching it so that’s in my mind rn)

𖤐 . word count - 536

𖤐 . taglist - @perseus-jackass @niktwazny303 @st4rzl7

𖤐 . a/n - sorry this sucks 😭 but i hope you guys like it !! also i had smth else to say but i forgot it so oh well

���okay?” you retorted, dragging out the ‘y,’ venom laced between the waves of your words. the Ares kid in front of you — whom you were arguing with, paused, face red and searing with anger, searching for his next comeback.

you smirked in a momentary victory, preparing to finish off your battle with clever last words however, your attention was drawn away at the shuffling beside you.

the familiar warmth of a hand on your leg sent your head flying to the side, face immediately lighting up as your eyes were engulfed in the ever so familiar sight of his chocolate curls.

“hey, Sparks! what’s happening?” said Luke, who then began immediately stuffing his face, eyes never leaving yours.

the beaming smile on your face was a great contrast to your previous heated moment, which you had just been reminded of at the sound of a throat clearing.

both of your attention was drawn to the Ares kid who had yet to leave, unlike others who were in his situation before. “what are you still doing here?” you snapped, firing up again.

after a moment of silenced shock, he went to speak again, only to be cut off. “i asked a question! now leave!”

he scoffed, slamming his palms on the table as he dramatically stomped away. “he should win an award with all that drama.” you sneered, eyes practically rolling into the bag of your head.

Luke snorted from beside you, hiding an amused smirk with his chewing as he gave you a look, eyebrows raised. “what!” you yelled, a smile taking over your features again.

he shrugged, failing to hide his laughter as you playfully shoved him, your own laughter following suit. “nothing, nothing!”

you laughed, eyes brightening with fiery joy. “why are you laughing at me, Luke?” he smiled, eyes tightly scrunching as he scooted himself closer to you, erupting warmth throughout the both of you.

“it’s just funny,” he reasoned, suddenly breaking your eye contact to stare at his empty, devoured plate.

your eyebrow raised, interest peaked as you shoved him again, his head instantly turning back to you. “what is?”

“your attitude.” he quipped, very, very slight fear etched in his words.

“my attitude?”

“yes your attitude. like- you’re so sassy to everyone.”

you scoffed, eyes scrunching up. “well, everyone but you.”

Luke thought for a second, realization crossing over his face. “yeah. everyone but me. why?” he asked, smirk returning and eyebrows raising in anticipation.

“because I like you.” you answered, voice strong despite your weary insides, hoping Luke would fail to understand what you were truly saying.

he softly chuckled, his sweet smirk reappearing. “yeah, cus’ i’m special.”

you snorted, “yeah, you really are special.”

Luke scoffed in offense, and now it was his turn to shove you, dramatically crossing his arms at your words.

“whatever, Sparks. you’re just a hater.”

you laughed, dragging your body closer to his as the two of you continued firing snarky remarks back and forth.

neither of you seemed to notice or care about the stares from the campers around you.

it was unlikely that anyone would understand your unexplained softness towards the hermes boy. they just didn’t understand you like he did.

losers.

© sovksluv 2024 , please do not repost or translate my work !

[hitomisuzuya]

YAY UR OPENNN AKSKSKWKWKWKEJW🌸 I MISSED U SM!! here's some flowers for u: 💐🌹🌸🏵🌸🌹🌹🌼

can i request for smut... uhm.. LIKE FRUSTRATED HUSBAND SCARA- AND AND READER JUST CAME HOME AT THE SAME TIME, and scara didn't know that reader went out SO IT FRUSTRATED HIM MORE- AND- AND HE BENDS U OVER THE BALCONY OMDMWJEEHHWHWHEHSH- and an ending where scara and reader fix their argument- if that's okay with u

currently playing genshin rn, farming for father arlecchino🎀

Scaramouche x fem!reader. Smut. Rough sex. Creampie. Slight Yandere Scaramouche.

Thank you for the flowers 🥺 Happy farming and good luck with your pulls. I'm skipping her sadly, but Scara's cons call❤️

If it wasn't one thing, it was another. If it wasn't someone messing up, someone was reporting in late. Scaramouche swore he could've squeezed a stress ball to mush in his hands from frustration. And to top it all off, he had to be away from you.

And he fucking hated that.

Thinking about how your lips lingered against his when he pulled away from his departing kiss this morning led to him thinking how much he wished he could be impaling you on his cock instead of dealing with this shit.

Scaramouche instantly knew you weren't home the moment he walked in the door. Which only frustrated him more. He'd told you to stay home like a good girl. And it didn't help that he was incredibly set in his ways. If he couldn't go with you himself then he liked to send an escort, or guard of sorts (as incompetent as his squad was).

You came through the door as he walked out onto the balcony to look around. "Scara, you are home," You said, smiling at him as you set a few bags down on the counter. "I missed you," You trotted up to him, and started to tilt your head up to kiss him.

He put a finger on your lips to stop you. "You went out?" He asked, glancing at the bags on the counter. The discontent was evident in his eyes. "You didn't tell me."

"Yeah, I just needed a few groceries. And we needed cat food," You narrowed your eyes stubbornly before you said what led to you being bent over the balcony once his hands finished furiously pawing your clothes off while he devoured your mouth in a harsh kiss: "I'm perfectly capable of going down the street on my own."

That wasn't the point. He knew you were strong, but that's exactly why you needed him to protect you.

Scaramouche's arm was wrapped around you, holding you against him as his fingers danced over your throbbing clit. You mewled feeling him pinch and roll your nipple, grinding down needily against his fingers.

"You should've told me," He growled, delivering another pinch to your nipple that sent a sharp jolt right to your swollen clit. Your breath hitched in your throat as his hand suddenly came down across your ass, "If I couldn't have gone with you, I would've sent a guard."

"Scara, I-I--" The pads of his fingers rubbed firmer circles on your clit as you cried out, making your words die in your throat as your pussy started to clench around nothing. He continued to assault your clit, soaking his fingers in your juices, watching the way he you grinded against them.

Your head was fuzzy when Scaramouche took his hand off your clit to take out his cock. You jumped feeling the head smack wet against your clit. "Tell me who you belong to," He hissed, swallowing back a groan as he rubbed the head of his aching cock on your clit, "Say it," He smacked your ass again, soaking up your mewl of pleasure.

Grabbing a hand full of your hair, he pulled your head back. "Who do you belong to?!" He reiterated, smearing his precum on your clit before pushing his cock inside of you.

His cock pulsed as it stretched you apart, your pussy swallowing it as he bottomed out. He let out a shaky moan, pulling out half way so he could bury his cock deeper inside of you. His hips angrily pounded into yours, each thrust made your moans rose in octave as his cock kissed into your sweet spot.

"Yours! I'm yours, Scaramouche!" You cried out, your legs shaking as you pushed back against him, struggling to keep up with his pace. Your whole body trembled nearly limp with bliss as he pounded his cock inside of you.

Your words sounded so sweet in Scaramouche's ears. He kept an arm tightly braced around you, holding you against him. He put a hand on your neck, holding your head and sinking his teeth into your neck. He pulled a fold of skin into his mouth, sucking and grinding his teeth as he moaned muffled into your neck.

"Fuck, you are so tight, kitten," His groaned, his mouth sucking wetly on your neck. He prodded his tongue against the inflamed skin. He was fucking you possessively, getting lost in the pleasure of your walls squeezing around his cock while you moaned and whimpered for him.

You let out a broken sob of pleasure, your body shaking as your orgasm hit you. The only thing you could focus on was him and how good his cock felt dragging along your sensitive walls.

Scaramouche continued to bully his cock inside of you, intent on fucking you dumber through your orgasm. You felt every pulse of his cock as it ribboned cum inside of you, his body shuddering with pleasure as his thrusts turned sloppy.

His cheek nuzzled against your neck as he pulled out of you. "Want me to run you a bath?" He asked softly in your ear.

"Mhm," You murmured tiredly. "And feed the cats to," He chuckled as he turned you around, supporting you as you leaned against him.

[hynzsn]

★ SUMMER DAYS ★

☆ jaehyun x male reader

꩜ .ᐟ fluff

contents: established relationship, boyfriends, romance, soft, domestic fluff, clingy!jaehyun, summer days, lazy days, summer, jaehyun is whipped, jaehyun’s soft for his boyfriend, cuddles, sleepy cuddles, nap time, ice cream eating, fan on blast, playing with jaehyun’s hair, ponytail!jaehyun, rubbing feet (affectionately), texting, pet name (baby)

wc: 0.8k

summary: scorching summer day + clingy boyfriend jaehyun = a whole lot of sugary treats, playful touches, and sleepy cuddles on the couch.

♡︎♡︎♡︎ likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated ♡︎♡︎♡︎

📱 -> incoming message from jaehyunnie 💕💕: hey hey hey you free today? 🥺👉👈

📱 -> outgoing message to jaehyunnie 💕💕: depends… what’d you have in mind, babe? 🤔

📱 -> incoming message from jaehyunnie 💕💕: nothin specific rlly… just miss your face 🥺🥺 can i see it??

📱 -> outgoing message to jaehyunnie 💕💕: oh you little flirt 😩😩 fineee you win, i’m coming over! what’s your address again? jk i’m already outside your apartment complex lol

📱 -> incoming message from jaehyunnie 💕💕: OMG WAIT REALLY??? IM COMING DOWN RN HOLD ON BABY BE THERE IN A SEC!!! 💖💖💖

you smile down at your phone, the summer sun warming your face. even through the screen, you can feel jaehyun’s excitement radiating. he’s always been a ball of sunshine, but summer seems to amplify it tenfold.

the elevator dings, signaling your arrival on his floor. as the doors slide open, you’re met with jaehyun practically vibrating with anticipation. he’s leaning against the wall opposite the elevator, a wide grin splitting his face as soon as his eyes land on you.

before you can even register what’s happening, he’s crossing the short distance between you and engulfing you in a hug that smells of like pure vanilla. “you’re here, you’re here, you’re here! you’re really here!” he chants, squeezing you tight before pulling back with a blinding grin.

he’s wearing a simple white tank top that shows off his toned arms (you always did have a thing for his arms) and a pair of grey sweatpants hanging low on his hips. his hair is a mess of tousled black, sticking up in different directions. cute, but you know it’s gotta be bothering him in this heat.

“missed me that much, huh?” you tease, letting him tug you down the hallway towards his apartment

“always,” he says, already fumbling with his keys, “come on, i stocked up on ice cream and everything.”

he ushers you into the cool air of his apartment, the same scent of vanilla and something even sweeter - probably the ice cream he’s been going on about - hitting you immediately.

“you’re spoiling me,” you say, following him further into the apartment.

“only the best for my baby,” he replies, already leading you towards the living room.

the living room is a haven of comfort, with sunlight streaming through the windows and a large fan oscillating in the corner. you collapse onto the plush rug, jaehyun immediately joining you, his legs tangling with yours. he’s already digging through a bag of groceries, pulling out a carton of your favorite ice cream and a bag of colorful ice lollipops.

“you’re really the best, you know that?” you say, accepting the offered spoon with a grateful smile.

he just beams at you, already digging in his own carton.

the afternoon melts away like the ice cream you’re devouring. you talk about everything and nothing, your laughter punctuated by the whirring of the fan and the occasional slurp of a melting popsicle. at some point, you find yourself leaning against jaehyun, his arm draped lazily around your shoulders. his hair keeps falling into his eyes, and you can’t resist reaching out to brush it back.

“hold still,” you murmur, gathering the front strands into a small ponytail. he lets you, tilting his head back against the couch with a soft sigh.

“what are you doing?” he asks, amusement lacing his voice.

“fixing this mess,” you say, tugging gently on the makeshift ponytail. “there. much better.”

he turns his head to look at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “you think i look cute with a ponytail?”

you laugh, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “don’t push your luck, jaehyun.”

he pulls you closer, nuzzling his face into your neck. “but you love it,” he mumbles against your skin.

and maybe, just maybe, you do.

you spend the rest of the afternoon sprawled out on the couch, binge-watching your favorite tv series. the fan whirs, a constant white noise against the backdrop of the show’s dialogue. jaehyun, never one to stay still for too long, has his bare feet resting against yours, playfully rubbing them together.

as the sun begins to set, casting long shadows across the living room floor, you feel yourself drifting into a comfortable sleepiness. jaehyun’s breathing has slowed, his head resting against yours. his arms are wrapped tightly around you, as if he’s afraid you might disappear if he lets go.

you’re just about to suggest moving to the bedroom when jaehyun speaks, his voice thick with sleep.

“don’t move,” he mumbles, tightening his grip on you. “just stay here… with me.”

and really, how could you possibly say no to that?

so you let your eyes flutter closed, the warmth of jaehyun’s body and the steady rhythm of his breathing lulling you into a peaceful sleep. the summer heat might be relentless outside, but here, in the embrace of the boy you love, everything feels perfectly, blissfully cool.

[official-n3va3h]

Not so sweet

« Seungmin x fem reader »

Synopsis: he always being so sweet and loving, who would’ve thought he could do the things he’d did.

Genre: fluff, smut

Warnings: use of pet names, f!ngering, cursing, begging, mirror smut yk, seungmins a lil freak.

A/N: THIS IS LIKE SO UGHHRH IDK IF ITS GOOD IM NOT THAT GOOD AT SMUT AND ITS SO MUCH DIFF FROM ME READING IT BUT I HOPE ITS GOOD😭😭😭

•———————————————————————————•

*

Seungmin was always so kind and sweet, as your boyfriend he knew how to take care of you and your needs. He made you feel amazing even when away from you. You just couldn’t help but fawn over his sweet antics.

•———————————————————————————•

Today 8:28am

Seungminni🩷: Goodmorning, wanna stop by later and watch our practice :)

•———————————————————————————•

You read the text from you boyfriend after you woke up, it was around 9:30 when you got up. You continued to lay in your bed looking out past the sunlight. You stretched and sat up your eyes still adjusting to the bright sky. You seen your bedroom door ajar, figuring so, seungmin left it open because he knows how cool it gets at night and how you hate waking up cold. What a sweet heart.

You stood up and walked towards your bathroom and began your morning routine. You washed your face, brushed your teeth and headed towards the kitchen for breakfast. As you entered you noticed a lime green sticky note sticking to your fridge.

“Made you breakfast, it’s in the fridge, enjoy it :)”

your heart gushed at the note. Here he was again making you feel like royalty even when he isn’t here. You opened the fridge and took out a plate covered with another plate, you lifted the plate and you were met with a delicious smell, you look at the plate of your favorite thick and fluffy waffles. You heated them up and devoured them pretty fast. Making your way back to the bedroom you took of your pajamas which consisted of being just Seungmins shirt. You put on your white skirt and oversized knitted sweater to match, you put your shoes grabbed your purse and phone and headed out the door then towards your car. You got inside, you started your engine and before pulling off you decided to send your loving boyfriend a text.

•———————————————————————————•

Today 10:23

Y/N: ofcc, I’m otw rn😋

Seungminni🩷: okay, btw while your out, you should pick up some lunch for meeee

Y/N: oh, was that why you asked just for me to get you food later😔😔

Seungminni🩷: maybeee👀, but I also would enjoy your company

Y/N: mmhmm, Alr I’ll let yk when I’m outside. I love you💕

Seungminni🩷: I love you too

•———————————————————————————•

You pulled off and stopped at the convenience store to pick up his favorite ramen. You eventually pulled up outside the building, you made your way inside and went up towards the dance practice rooms. You knocked on the door and poked your head in. You seen seungmin and the other members all sweaty, laying around and some still dancing in front of the mirror. They’re attention all shifted towards you.

“Hey, got your lunch” extending the bag forward.

Seungmin walked up to you grabbing the bag, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Thank you.”

The rest of the guys greeted you and you watched them dance and giggled with them throughout the day. A couple hours later they were all taking another break and Seungmin came over as you were on your phone and slouched his head on your lap. He was sweaty and panting.

“Seungmin your all sweatyyy..” you whined, but made no effort to move him.

He smiled and placed his hand on your thigh playing with the ends of your skirt. You placed your hands in his hair slowly playing with some parts twisting them around your finger. He mumbled something under his breath but it was to quiet for you to hear. You continued to play with his hair. His hand traveled from the ends of your skirt towards your upper thigh, still playing in his hair you continued to watch some of the guys practice until Chan spoke up.

“Alright let’s try again all together”

Seungmin slowly rose up from your lap and placed a kiss on your cheek but before leaving he went close to your ear.

“Your skirts pretty baby” he said softly

You were just about to thank him but he spoke again.

“so pretty it makes it hard for me to not bend you over in front of this mirror and ruin you”

Your mouth fell open and you slapped your hand across your face to cover your smile that grew across your face. He then placed another kiss on your forehead and hopped up as if nothing happened, his hair flopping around his “innocent” face. You crossed your legs feeling hot and bothered, you felt a kaleidoscope of butterflies inside your stomach, and your core was heating up.

*

After awhile of getting caught up in your own thoughts, Seungmin approached you. You didn’t even notice the members had all left and it was just you too in the room.

“Hey, we’re done”

You reverted back to reality, looking up at him, his dark brown hair sticking to his forehead, his cheeks flushed from the continuous dancing, and eyes gazing down on you.

“Oh..yeah” you responded standing up

You went to grab your jacket and bag that were leaned up against the huge mirror wall. as you stood up you seen seungmin was already behind you.

“Mm, you know I meant what I said earlier”

He took another step closer to you and wrapped his hands around your waist. He slowly slid his hands down your thighs than back up trailing under your skirt.

“Min..” your breathy voice spoke out.

“come on, let me make you feel good baby, right here” he lifted your head with one of his hands, smiling. You were already conflicted to his touch so there was no point in denying him. You slowly placed your bag on the floor, giving him the answer that your staying.

“mm, baby your so beautiful, had me struggling not to ravage you all day.” Unbuttoning your big knitted sweater, his touch was warm, yet refreshing to your body.

Looking at you in the mirror all the air in his lungs left.

“Fuck…babyy for me?” His hands roamed your bare stomach and traveled up the white lace covering your chest. Your eyes fluttered, he was so slow with every lingering touch and it was killing you, he’s gotten you riled up and now he’s taking his sweet time.

“Min…just touch me already” you whined.

“Mm, baby is that what you want me to do, want me to ruin you” so into the moment and in your own head, you didn’t realize his hands completely under your skirt tugging down your underwear. You bit your lip in anticipation, waiting for him to do something, anything. He finally slid his hands up your pantie-less skirt, massaging slow circles into you. The friction was amazing but painfully slowly it almost hurt.

“Min…faster pleasee” you begged.

You could feel his hard up against you as you called out to him.

“Minn…pleaseee”

“Mhm, you want me to go faster baby? Is that what you want?”

You nodded your head almost immediately, watching him touch you the way he was through the mirror was almost mesmerizing.

“kinda slutty hm? But since u asked so nicely”

One finger at a time, thrusting into you. He picked up the speed with his fingers, and you loved every second of it.

“F..fuck min, feels good” your voice Called out breathy and tired.

“ damn baby your sopping down here, wanna see”

He grabbed your face making you look up in the mirror

“See baby, your really feelin it hm?”

You moaned out, feeling so exposed yet still feeling good, as your orgasm was creeping up on you.

“Shit, I’m gonna-“

“Cum, come on baby cum, right here on my fingers cmon”

A little bit longer and you were at your peak, your orgasm rushing out.

“Fuck, fuck, fuuuckkkk” you moaned out, as your cunt leaked your cum all over seungmins fingers.

“What a show baby, you really enjoyed yourself hm?”

You nodded, drool on the side of your cheek and cheeks flushed bright red, your legs trembling still.

“Hm, let’s put these back on, and when we get home I’ll really make you feel me yeah?”

He slipped your underwear back on you, and grabbed your hand leading you out the practice room all while giving you a sweet smile. That same innocent, sweet smile that has almost everyone’s fooled.

[faefeedee]

“Ugh, fatass!” I say accusingly as you reach for another pint of ice cream— the one that was supposed to be mine. You have the decency to at least blush before pulling off the top and digging out a big greedy spoonful.

I’m not upset, of course. In fact, I love what a greedy little hog you’ve become, unable to go even an hour without stuffing yourself into a fat, sugary stupor. I can already see how this pint will end: your stomach a bloated mess of melted cream. You just can’t help yourself can you? The spoon isn’t efficient enough, so you have to put the pint straight to your lips and basically suck it out like the piggy you are.

Then this pint won’t be enough either. Maybe you’ll devour a bag of chips or a whole plate of fries, depends on how you want to balance out all that sweet. You’re flat on your back at this point, your stomach a mound you can’t even see over. Soon your stomach will settle, and all those empty calories will turn into even more thick, doughy fat. You look over at me, knowing that you’ll need my help to get up, but that’s not what you want, is it?

You let out a huge burp, then: “More?” you manage to whimper.

Of course, piggy. Of course.

being in this scenario rn would fix me

[12thhouse-sun]

Writing Interview Tag Game!

Thanks for the tag @pouroverpaloma!

When did you start writing?

I’ve always been a highly creative person, visual art my usual and longest-standing vice, but writing I’ve always been interested in. At 15 years old I tried to write a book (didn’t finish it). I forget what the word count was but it was a high fantasy Percy Jackson-esque. I tried working on the worldbuilding for a book in college and afterwards but nothing concretely got…written. Not plot just worldbuilding lmao. That project has since turned into my D&D homebrew world that I have yet to subject to any players. 

I’ve done some short creative writing here and there, a spoken word-style poem a few years ago and I took part in Escapril 2020. Otherwise, I have not been writing creatively in quite some time. I majored in engineering in college so there weren’t a lot of opportunities for me to stretch those creative muscles. The writing I’ve done for my GalexTav fics are my first big dive into writing since high school. 

I would journal as a therapeutic device but I’m only ever to keep up with it when I’m in crisis as it’s very effective at emptying my brain but it’s not necessarily good writing, it’s often train of thought and very emotional.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I read mainly fantasy and I write fantasy so there isn’t a lot of difference there. Maybe when I start branching out with my writing I’ll have an actual answer but for now, no!

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I haven’t had anyone compare my work but there’s lots of little things I see in the fic authors I read that I certainly feel strongly about but have yet to attempt to emulate. I want to be funny like goldenhearts (@yourworsttotebag). I want to go to poetry land like i88 (ao3). I wish I could figure out how to write 10K plus chapters every chapter like @linnetagain. I see so many little things in everything that I read that makes me want to try and be better.

I’m also still trying to figure out my own style. It’s been so long since I’ve tried to write anything longform that I am still exploring what my voice even sounds like. Even the first few chapters for you’re at the top of my lungs I wrote just a few months ago I cringe at when I read now. I’m in a high growth stage at the moment and I feel like I haven’t really settled into anything yet. But I’m in the midst of it and maybe if any of you who’ve read my fics notice anything please tell me lol I would appreciate the insight.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I have a few lmao. So I’m currently at work (if you’re my bosses, this is a joke I’m not at work rn) where I have two screens and as of today a fancy new click clack keyboard. Job-provided desk chair that’s okay and surrounded by work-related things. 

My office at home is much cozier. I have a blanket on my lap and around my shoulders, at least two drinks within arm’s reach (usually a water and an Olipop) and a fresh bag of Nutella biscuits waiting to be devoured. I also have a click clack keyboard there and I’ll put on my big gaming headphones to blast music as I write. 

I don’t like writing on my phone. If I do, it’s to quickly get down a rough idea while it’s still in my head but I can't do it for a long period of time as typing longform on my phone like that stresses me out. (Those who write entire fics in their notes app, I salute you.)

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Reading other fics! Anything that gets me thinking of new ways to put the pookies into new situations. Great example is @yourworsttotebag (goldenhearts on AO3) just started posting a Parallel Universe fic where the Gales from two different universes get swapped. It got me thinking of how that would work with Gale and my Tav, and how that would go if my Tav was the one who got swapped. I’m not going to write this fic, but it’s fun to think about! It gets me thinking outside of my usual settings and it helps me think of situations and conversations that might end up applying to what I’m actually writing. 

I'm also constantly listening to music and while I'm horrible at being able to hear lyrics and therefore have a hard time linking song meaning to a scene or plot point, the flow and energy of a song can give me ideas just by themselves.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I don’t think I’ve written enough variety to have developed anything. I actually went back and skimmed through my writing, posted or otherwise, with this lens to try and identify anything but other than the usual stuff you’d expect out of a Galefic I’ve got nothing.

What is your reason for writing?

Brain got too full of my Tav and Gale and I needed to drain it lmao. Now it’s just a constant flood. I’m also just enjoying it! I mention earlier that I’m usually a visual artist but the art block and imposter syndrome has been very bad. Writing fic has been freeing and has allowed me to create freely without judgment. (Or, well, the minimum amount of judgment required to even post something lmao).

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Any, really. But especially if a commenter calls something out in a chapter they particularly enjoyed or related to that really gets me going. I’ll scream at any comment someone leaves even if it’s a “chapter kudos” or whatever. Seeing Hit # going up is gratifying in that I know that people are here and reading it but a comment really solidifies that a real person is here and enjoying it. Never be too scared to leave a comment. If I feel anything in any fic I read I try to comment because I know how much it makes my day as an author so I try to be that person for authors as well. 

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I hope they’re enjoying what I’m reading! I hope that the readers that are subscribed to me and my fics get just as excited when they see an AO3 email about one of my fics come through like it does when my faves update. That’s the dream.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I like my action and combat scenes, but I rarely write them. I have posted one I think and I have one in a WIP that won’t be posted until the whole thing’s done. But that unposted WIP chapter and then Chapter 4 of you’re at the top of my lungs are some of my favorite things I’ve written.

A lot of these questions have made me realize how little feedback I get as a writer and maybe I need to find a writing group or something. 

How do you feel about your own writing?

I honestly feel like it’s awkward and stilted. I find I have to try hard to make it all flow. I think that’s the years of having to write engineering reports coming through, being straight and to the point and all that. I usually feel like my writing is good and I am able to get across whatever point I’m trying to make but I would love to be more flowery and go to poetry land more often. I want to get across big feelings and big ideas and have it feel visceral and not like I’m just throwing words on a page.

Tagging @waterdeep-weavemoss, @dr-demi-bee, and @crimson-and-lavender

[jealousmartini]

Yes it's me who jungkook asked to make ramen😭🫶🏻 ill put this emoji 🐤because jimin said he's happy that I'm shorter than him and I look like 🐤 compared to him😭

I'll love to answer the questions yes omg!

I'm more close to jungkook and Jhope definitely! I hangout most with jungkook because all we do is eat, go for shopping and stay up annoy the neighbours UNINTENTIONALLY 😭😭

I scripted that I am a soloist because don't want them boys to take my shine🙂‍↔️💅🏻however THEY KEEP HIJACKING MY PRACTICE STUDIO especially Jhope when he comes up with new moves 🙂man's won't let me practice at All!! Though I've been in my DR for solid 2 years and I've worked with Suga, Jimin, and now "working" with Jungkook new song (all we do is eat because we pigs 🐖) I get to go to their concerts so we close because of that.

I have THE FATTEST crush on Jimin and it shows because I was having a ✨️admiring him era✨️when I worked on a song and an MV with him, he had to get through the dance FOR MONTHES LMAO😭💅🏻Hobi won't let me live it down because he gets on my nerves INTENTIONALLY 🙂👏🏻

So this is sad to me because I've been planning to eat that apple since I got off my practice, usually I'd eat junk food but that day I just NEEDED to eat an apple and I kept it in my bag but I also had to get ready after practice because I had to film a what's in my bag with RM and guess who had decided to join HOBI! and I had put that shiney yammy red apple in my bag😭to eat but when we were filming I put it on side after j hope literally couldn't stop laughing that I had an apple in my bag. When I was busy showing the rest of the things he literally took that apple AND BIT IT! the way I gasped and got off my chair so fast😭running behind him while RM was like 🫢😳so it was caught on camera literally everyone kept making memes and I saw one meme that had the red riding hood clothes edited on Jhope and a grandma can in my hand as I was running behind him IT WAS FUNNY😭😭he did get me sliced apples as a gift in a plate that day😭and his fans would like send apples wrapped in gift papers as an apology on his behalf 😂😂😂i love AMRYS

LMFAO LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD IS TOO FUNNY☠️☠️☠️

THANK YOU FOR THE ANSWERS 🐤ANON!! THIS IS SO MOTIVATING FOR ME BECAUSE I WAS JUST YAPPING WITH MY TWIN ABOUT BTS AND OUR GIRL GROUP AND THE SIGNS WEVE BEEN SEEING IN THIS REALITY.

YOU AND JK EATING LIKE PIGS IS SO REALLL STOP. I AM LITERALLY THE BIGGEST FOODIE IN MY GROUP LIKE ANYTIME I GET A CHANCE TO EAT I DOUBLE THAT CHANCE AND DEVOUR IT WHOLE.

I also think that's pretty cool how you're a soloist. What company are you under? I'd guess Hybe/Bighit since you're incredibly close with BTS right? Plus Jimin saying you look like a chick might just be the cutest thing I've heard in a while🥹🥹 are you going through the whole crushing phase on Jimin rn then? Would you plan on getting together with him anytime soon? If so make sure to script Armys won't come for your throat for taking their Jimin LMAO😭☠️☠️

LOVED YOUR ANSWERS 🐤ANON, DONT BE AFRAID DROP MORE STORIES IF YOU HAVE ANY IN MY ASKBOX😋😋

[kittyhighfive]

Tag Game

Thanks for the ta @late-to-the-magnus-archives

Currently Reading: The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner by Stephanie Meyer, It Devours by Joseph Fink+Jeffrey Cranor

Favorite Color: I think rn it's pink :3

Last Song: Hand me my Shovel, I'm Going In by Will Wood and the Tapeworms

Last Movie: Twilight

Sweet/Savory/Spicy: I have an incurable sweet tooth and cannot handle spicy food.

Currently Working On:

-A crochet jellyfish

-Putting together @malevolent-fanzine

-Like 300 other crochet/knit projects (a baby blanket, a bag, a sweater, a hat, a scarf...)

-Finding fun road trip destinations for this summer

-Putting together a list of clothes I want for the new school year

Annnnd some more tags:

@universe-exhale @valentine-gore @quackmaster24 @seasonallyappropriategoth

[ducktollers]

absolutely devouring thsi 200g bag of McSweeney’s Canadian teriyaki flavoured beef jerky rn i feel like i am turning into a beast. my dog treats i got into the bag of dog treats

[nightfallsystem]

devouring this bag of candy corn rn

[lemony-snickers]

*Throws down blankets and sleeping bags* TOP 5 CATS OF ALL TIME!? If not cats then books of all time? And why would you recommend them? Also any sweet gossp goin on? ANd who u crushin on?

good morning, my friend!

top five cats of all time in precise order:

eliza.

grace.

miesca.

mookie.

ben.

some of you may recall that last year i asked for book recs because i was trying to get back into reading. happy to report i read 12 books last year as was my goal and that this year i've already read 10! so now, some recommendations (not a top 5 really but let's see how we fare...):

small angels by lauren owen. a little bit of horror, mostly suspense. read this last year and it was my fave book of 2022.

the shades of magic series by v.e. schwab. i read this earlier this year and fucking devoured this trilogy. i love the world & the characters & i'm so excited to delve into some of the other material related to it.

giovanni's room by james baldwin. baldwin is one of my fave authors of all time and i am currently making my way back through his works starting with go tell it on the mountain. giovanni's room is stil probably the most beautifully rendered novel i've ever read.

the light pirate by lily brooks-dalton. really, really beautifully written and heartbreaking. the shifting perspective is evocative and then crushing. definitely very much about climate change and so i can't necessarily recommend if you suffer from as much environmental existentialism as i do, but it's a very worthwhile read.

the hobbit by j.r.r. tolkien which i'm sure you've already read but which i cannot make a list of books without including.

no hot goss, i'm afraid. i live a pretty sheltered life with very few exciting things happening in it a;ldkjfasl;dfj. aside from kakashi, i'd say my main crushes rn are holland and lila from shades of magic and alucard from castlevania, ahaha.

[bearboiferer69]

My father is a lecho fanatic

Be me, Anon lvl 28. Since I remember my father was a lecho fanatic. Since I fucking remember he only made lecho. It started innocent, somewhere during the communist occupation him, my mother and my older brother went to Hungary. He liked it so fucking much that he stole the whole fucking pot from the local Gordon Ramsay and shoved it into his shitty car with mom and my brother and fucking drove away. To this day mom talks about how he ate bowl after bowl with a retarted smile on his face until he was shitting pure liquid. The peak of fucking communism, no fucking gas station anywhere and every now and then he stopped the car and shat orange unto the bushes. But he kept fucking devouring with no end in sight until they ran out. He threw out that pot and said "Honey, tomorrow we're making lecho for dinner!". Mom has panic in her eyes, brother started crying. After returning home he went to the market looking for bell peppers. Motherfucker bought around 30 Kilo, dragged along the cauldron near some glass jars and put it on the gas stove. Oh, how fucking furious he was, as we had a renovation in he apartment building! He ran to the technicians and started fucking beating them with his ladle until the cops locked him up for 24 hours. Nowadays he keeps fucking yapping about how he suffered under communism for this country's freedom. Bullshit. He was suffering because of lecho.

Motherfucker can stay in the kitchen for 4 hours and send me twice a day to get bell peppers from the shop, because he himself is banned. As soon as she sees me, the lady behind the counter, without a word, gets a whole fucking bag of bell peppers from the back of the store. Now drag this like a moron up to the 3rd floor with no elevator. I once wanted to take a bath, and I fucking couldn't because "Not fucking now, the bell peppers are in there!". Fucking hell, I can't even take a bath in my own house! Motherfucker will stand over the pot and talk to himself "ooh I'd love to eat some lecho rn". He can fill up the whole fucking freezer with this shit. When I was a kid, on Easter he told us to look for gifts from the Easter Bunny near the apartment building, and what did I fucking find under a bush? A jar of fucking lecho! Great fucking gift. I'm not even gonna mention how the jar was warm and that old fuck stole it from me and fucking devoured it for breakfast. Besides, he doesn't eat anything else. One time I wanted to eat some ice cream. Of course dad had to help me with that and made fucking lecho ice cream! Fucking imagine that, lecho on a fucking stick! Once he added way too much salt and pepper because the whole container fell into the pot. And he fucking ate it like that. 15 litters in two days, can you imagine that?! He ate and shat lecho. My brother told him to install a pipe from his ass to his mouth, because he got fucking mad. Dad beat him with a bag of bell peppers, and then lamented that he wasted 20 kilo on him! Christmas, Holidays, funeral wakes, he only ate fucking lecho for dinner! We don't have any guests over anymore, because who's gonna eat lecho while drinking vodka. One time on a trip to Cracow I wanted to go to a McDonalds, he replied that "you're not gonna eat that fucking kemichal slop, daddy made some good food" and takes out a military thermal cup in the middle of the city square. Thankfully mom had 2 loafs of bread for this occasion. I feel ashamed before my peers because when they were sending me off to Biskupin for a trip, dad brought a barrel full of fucking lecho! "Eat some, you're gonna walk for the whole day!" He's able to put a whole fucking pig into it instead of just sausage. Because it's apparently cheaper. He bought an electric cauldron with 500 liters of capacity and put it in the building's dryer room. The block's administration started ignoring the neighbours' pleads for him to fucking throw it out of there. They gave up after the 70th complaint. He now orders bell peppers from a farm. In massive quantities. Mom's crying, because now we have no money for anything except lecho. So he came up with the idea of a bar, where he will only serve lecho. Dense, Diluted, any way you can fucking imagine!

Whenever he could, dad tried to get money for his new investment. After visiting a few banks, where, by the way, they told him he's a fucking lobotomite, he sat furious for a week, scheming. He schemed so fucking hard, that on saturday, at 4AM, he left the occupied drying room, screaming something about Hungary. After half a year they cut off electricity in the drying room, so he would only sit there and hug the cauldron. He went back to cooking home, driving the gas bill through the fucking roof. He kept crying over how everyone at the administration doesn't understand anything and only take rent. Overall those fucks could've left his electricity on, because now the whole flat fucking reeks again. He came back home with fury in his eyes, saying how those whores didn't want to sell him a ticket for a polish bus with luggage in the form of a 500 liter cauldron! Finally he bargained out a bus from an uncle who worked construction, which he will use to go to Hungary. He kept fucking yapping about his grand vision, all day chopping up the fucking peppers in the bathroom, taking turns standing over the pots in the kitchen. He would swing that shit around like he was on fucking speed! His eyes were even fucking glowing.

Next day uncle drove up, and this fuck told him to put that fucking cauldron in the baggage. They got really mad at each other, because he also wanted to get some money for gas. Truly polish. They started fucking fighting in that dryer room, so much that mom had to separate them. Old fuck got a bruised eye and kept lamenting. Uncle took his bus and that's the last we've seen of him. He's on terrible terms with my dad. I can't blame him to be honest. He ate a whole fucking cauldron to calm down, of course unstirred lecho, which managed to burn at the bottom. He kept fucking screaming at us how it's our fault that we didn't keep an eye on it. I don't give a shit.

This time he tried his luck with his buddy from work, but he only had a passenger car. Father complained like a motherfucker, but whatever, he loaded 15 fucking liters onto the car and off they went. We had 5 days of peace at home. He came back driving next to the house in some truck with some equipment and screamed "Honey, I'm leaving work! I found a fucking investor in Hungary!". This was way too fucking much. Out of the truck came some dude in my dad's age and started talking some bullshit about byshy ryshy kyshe lecho eshgdar. I had no fucking clue what he was talking about. Dad didn't either, but he was happy like a child. Apparently when he was away he molested some translator, who had enough of him and agreed to translate a business proposition.

After a week of cooking and devouring lecho in ungodly amounts they bought some crackhouse in the outskirts of the city to renovate it. That old fuck was excited to the max and literally orgasmed at the thought of making money from lecho. I don't give a fuck, I hope he does well. I had enough of this shit already, so I decided to move out. Mom is fucking furious at me, father even more, since who's gonna fucking help him. I told him to fuck off and to hire someone. After the renovation they started their business. At the beginning he kept abusing his electric cauldron and selling everything but he wasn't cooking fast enough. He was so incredibly pissed that he had to hire someone to help. That poor man didn't know what he signed up for. Everything he did was fucking wrong, because he made the fucking lecho wrong, because he did it in a diffrent way, because he's gonna fucking lose it. In the meantime I moved away 50km away from home. But sadly, it's not the end of the adventure.

It's been a couple of weeks since I was home. I call mom everyday, she's not that pissed anymore since dad isn't home for days and his business is bringing in some money. She told me abou how he apearantly went insane because people are eating lecho like crazy and he's gonna build a fucking factory alongside this Hungarian. God damn, good for him. Maybe it's for the better.

No it fucking wasn't. He got so unreasonable that he decided to get himself the biggest fucking cauldron in the whole fucking world. Insanely fucking big. I had no idea what that would look like. The dude my father hired at the beginning even got a higher position. Even tough he's the CEO, my dad does everything himself, becase he gets fucking furious when he sees how they mismanage his lecho. Mom called me and told me that dad is trying to secure funding . Turns out he secured a fucking beating. Turns out even the marshall wanted to sue him, because of how insane he was when submitting the application. Fucker wanted funding for innovation, they laughed him off and told him that lecho isn't innovation and told him to fuck off. Like, in a nutshell. I heard that he got insanely mad because he lost his chance at money. But it wasn't all so bad, as he secured a contract for lecho with Biedronka (european chain store). Now besides this enourmous fucking cauldron he will also have a whole array of freezers. When the Hungarian heard the news he was jacking off for a week, taking turns with the secretary. I mean, she jacked him off, not him her.

I said 'fuck it' and decided to go see what's going on with my father. I'm driving on the express road and suddenly I see a collosal fucking factory from 10 km away. I thought "oh you old fucker, you sly dog". Imagine a pressure cooker the size of the fucking Culture Palace. And on it, a giant fucking neon sign, proclaiming 'LECHO!'. Motherfucker now orders peppers and tomatoes in wagons. He hires like 500 people, but "they don't know anything about lecho, I need to watch over everything myself". I drive up to the factory, he comes out saying "see sonny, you should've stayed here and helped me, you would've been a supervisor". We enter a really fancy office, and I can't fucking believe my eyes. A pool full of lecho! A whole fucking olympian swimming pool full of fucking lecho! Old fuck takes off all his clothes and jumps into this fucking pool. What the fuck is going on here?! I'm leaving, I can't take this anymore. On the way out I trip on some scared technician's foot. He's screaming "Boss, the pressure lock got fucked, everything's about to blow up!". I turn around and I see terrified dad with his junk out, looking at the newly formed cracks on the biggest lecho cauldron in the wold. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKK!!!!!!!". He didn't even get a chance to finish, when all the lecho started flooding the town as if Johnny from Brazzers came through that crack. They even talked about it on national television. A whole city flooded in lecho!

Dad got such a trauma that I kinda felt bad for him. All he did was reheat the lecho from the freezer and eat it, he didn't say a word to anyone. He fucking devoured lecho and stayed silent. Oh no, sorry, he got diarrhea, but even on the toilet while shitting only lecho came out. He only complained in his sleep about some motherfucker named Zenek who sabotaged his factory out of envy. Until that day came. And I foolishly hoped that it would never come. He woke up screaming "I GOT IT!".

"I KNOW, I FUCKING GOT IT!". At that moment all of my optimism burst like a grown, mature cyst. Why the fuck did I decide to move back in? Dad got dressed up and, to everyone's suprise, didn't swallow a jar of lecho for breakfast, he just flung out th front door even faster then when he was going to Hungary. I tought "what the fuck did he come up with this time? He got enough insurance money to sit on his ass all day and not move an inch". But not my father. He came back in the afternoon. Red like a motherfucker and gasping as if he had a heart attack. I expected another bag of peppers, but I was sadly mistaken. He got a satchel weighing like 50 kilo, some bags full of clothes. You won't guess what this old retard came up with. You won't fucking guess.

I wouldn't have guessed either. Until he sadly enlightened me. "Anon, remember that neighbour who kept going to shamans? The one downstairs?". I wasn't sure where he was going with this. "Yeah I do, but what about her?". Oh how I fucking regret asking..."Because they LECHO cancer! And they healed her!" (Lecho sounds like polish word 'heal' or 'cure'). Oh my fucking God. He throws the open bag onto the glass table, out of which medical insruments spill out. The bag is heavy like a motherfucker, the table breaks, mom screams at dad, dad screams back that nothing happened and that he'll buy a new one, some dog in the corridor (since when do we have a dog?!) wans to take a shit cuz dad only feeds him lecho and has the same medical maladies as him. A fucking crawling circus. Yes, you guessed correctly. He wants to cure cancer with LECHO! I'm at my fucking limit. He called the uncle from construction, but when the call connected, I only heard a collection of the finest insults directed at my father. "Fuck him". He retaliated. He went to the post office to put up an ad to the newspaper. A couple of days later he found a new place with a giant fucking neon (yes, the one leftover from the factory)- here we LECHO cancer. He even recorded an ad with his phone, which he sent to our cable tv: a woman walks on the street and asks a bystander "where do they LECHO cancer?", and then my dad in a white lab coat jumps out screaming "HERE THEY LECHO!" and adress. I felt nothing but shame. I can't show my face in town. Patients are going in like crazy. As you can probabbly imagine, they don't cure cancer. Afer half a year my dad got found out by the government for not having a right to be a doctor. And it all went to shit. They gave him a year with possible parole, luckily he paid off with the insurance money from the factory. Now he fucking cries about how you can't do anything in this country. You had a great fucking idea you old moron. He was so furious he started eating and shiting lecho again. Until one day he brought home some newspapers: Polish Fisherman, Fisherman's World and Super Carp. And so it began...