#developing a crush on someone who supported me emotionally when i felt like no one else understood me

[kayzero]

MIRAKANE CONTENT ... literally jumps up and down in joy fr fr

I was gonna answer this privately because I’m gonna delete the thing you’re referring to in a day or so, so this ask won’t make much sense after that happens, but I started rambling about something that Wasn’t That so I guess it can be public

but yeah! Mirakane! The murderest of lesbians that I’m aware of! and also one of them unequivocally hates the other for crimes committed in the past except she isn’t aware that those crimes were committed by this specific murder lesbian!

idk if Mirakane is requited in the “True End” Route of ZWG, i have no idea if my Akane is capable of separating The Person Mira from The Act Of Killing Sally Valentine and therefore Getting Akane’s Father Sentenced To Death. the attraction would have to be present in the first place for her to even put effort into trying to untangle that knot, but i suppose a world exists where Akane has enough distance to say “there’s no way Tiny Mira had the foresight to see past the immediate consequences of her murder, I should instead get mad at the American Court System for killing a man, who was not proven beyond a shadow of a doubt to have killed the woman in question, just because he himself was not American”

don’t know if that world is this world

but you know what, I will always support and spread Aromantic Lesbian Mira Propaganda

and i maintain that the only reason Mira ever attached herself to Eric in canon was because he attached himself to her first and she had enough self loathing to go “welp, this is probably the best I’m ever gonna get, even if I don’t like it I guess it isn’t unpleasant”

[geekalogian]

Please feel free to ignore this if it's too personal, but I was wondering if you have any advice for figuring out your sexuality while being demisexual? I've followed you since the ouat days and I relate to a lot of stuff you said when you came back to the blog. I've just felt like it's hard to figure out since it takes forever for me to develop crushes and get to a place where I even want to pursue a romantic relationship. I also grew up in a religious household/went to religious school so there's a whole extra layer of stuff to deal with there. Again, absolutely no pressure at all to answer, and I hope you have a great weekend!

I'm far from an expert on this, but I definitely know how difficult this stage of life can be. All I can really do is just tell you my experiences and hope something resonates! Like most people growing up in evangelical spaces, I just assumed that I was straight and cis. What else would I be? I fell in love and got married, and then dealt with the fallout of a waning emotional connection changing my relationship with sex entirely. I got crushes whenever I'd be connecting with somebody (GUY somebodies. With the ladies I'd just, y'know, be completely obsessed with their well-being and how shitty every guy was to them and how they deserved someone SO MUCH BETTER, not like I was saying me, obviously, I'm straight. . . .) and beat myself up internally for not being emotionally faithful to my spouse. When I came out as demi, my spouse definitely did not understand, but attempted to be supportive. I tried explaining my experience of demisexuality to him many a time, and he'd basically say "I get that that makes sense to you, but that's completely alien to me and I have no way to really relate to it." I didn't really hit a point where I understood myself until getting locked in my house for roughly three years for self-reflection (read: COVID and losing my ministry job, ending with me being a housewife for three full years). I had very intense crushes on roughly three of my friends at the same time, two of whom were women, and I was finally able to really understand those as crushes because I knew the guy one of them was dating and he was genuinely wonderful to her. So my concern over her well-being wasn't just "I wish she were dating somebody better," it was "I wish I was able to make her life better. Me, specifically. And maybe kiss her. a bit." I was able to trace that backwards through my life and reflect on other times I'd had similar feelings about women in my life, and recognize that I'm bi as hell. This was also the point in my life when I realized that I'm polyamorous, because I recognized that my desire for multiple romantic connections had very little to do with dissatisfaction in my current relationship, or a desire to move on (although that was coming--BELIEVE ME, THE WRITING WAS ON THE WALL I JUST COULDN'T READ YET), it was just my desire to share that kind of love with more than one person. Again, recognizing those things and doing a lot of research enabled me to reflect on the thread of continuity through my whole life, and just recognize what had already been there. That was also very much my discovery of being genderfluid, but that's a WHOLE OTHER STORY and this post is already bonkers long. So I guess my advice is this: Be reflective. Think about the ways you've felt close to people. Recognize that in some cases, crushes on differently-gendered people feel different from one another (some people don't have that experience, obviously, I think that tends to be a large distinction between bi and pan persons, but that's how it's been for me). Read blogs--I wouldn't know how hella gay I am without tumblr itself being a font of information in my mid-20s. Rely on trustworthy friends who know and understand you--I was fortunate to have a really great friend group that supported me (and lovingly bullied me) through my own coming-out process. When I came out as bi to them, a dear friend said "Ronnie, I'm gonna say some shit now....IS THIS NEWS??? I THOUGHT WE ALL KNEW AND YOU JUST MOSTLY HAD A PREFERENCE FOR DUDES. WHAT? YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE BI?????" It was pretty funny and great, tbh. I hope the very best for you, and that you get the time and resources to be authentically yourself. I am still very much a person of faith and I believe wholeheartedly that God loves the person they made you to be, as well as the you that exists now, and there is nothing to fear from learning more about yourself <3

[marriedmyfandom]

Wednesday in a QPR for season 2

Okay, this started as an idle thought because someone said that aroace Wednesday would destroy her emotional/social character arc which is just ???

Like first off, you can definitely develop your social skills and how to check in with your emotions by just... making friends. Wednesday staying a single aroace but learning how to make and maintain friendship would still be character development.

But for the sake of the argument let’s pretend that you subscribe to the allo monogamous notion that for everyone there is this one (1) *special* person out there. So let her be in a QPR!!! Is my main argument for this that I finally want QPR representation, especially in mainstream media? Yes, but that doesn’t make it any less important. I  mean is that really too much to ask?

Now, I know Enid is the most prominent choice for Wednesday’s QPR and I hear and support you but may I propose Tyler...? Hear me out:

I know him saying she was sending him signals got some mixed reactions to say the least. But most people at some point deluded themselves into thinking their crush was sending them signals when their crush very much did not. And also, it’s not as if Wednesday sent anyone else non-platonic signals because she’s probably aroace. Add to that Tyler might be aroace himself but in denial so all he knows about romantic/sexual relations is what society and media taught him and the whole situation gets even more confusing

So why Tyler? (let me preface this by saying this is gonna include some self-projection but isn’t that the point?)

It’s very clear that he cares about her and is very intent on clear communication. Wednesday would always know where she stands with him and we know he has the nerve to ask her where he stands with her and is respectful of her boundaries. Which is important in any relationship but especially in a QPR. Also the fact that she kissed him shows that she felt comfortable enough to explore her own limits with him and trusts him to stop when she shows signs of discomfort because his previous actions were proof that he does.

Of course there is the issue of the Hyde but the more I think about it the more adamant I become that this is not his fault. Like he was groomed/manipulated/traumatized so much. We know he did not intentionally start everything and I would not be surprised if he  actually did not enjoy any part of it. But he was told that he did over and over again so he finally deluded himself into believing that because it gave him some sense of control. (honestly, how many groomed ppl during the relationship think that they actually want this only to later realize that they very much did not). Especially given how emotionally vulnerable he was in that entire situation.

But why should Tyler be in a QPR? I’ve stated before (on Twitter) that I believe both Tyler and Wednesday are queer. I don’t care if you call it mlm/wlw solidarity, bi4bi, QPR, ... there’s something fruity going on between these two. Now this is where the self-projection is getting heavy. The whole Hyde thing will probably cause an alienation between Tyler and his body because so much happened to his body that he had absolutely no control. And as someone whose body does a lot of stuff I have no control over because of my physical disability, let me tell you that it makes intimacy with other people complicated to unappealing (now, I have no way of knowing if I’m simply on the ace-spectrum or if sth caused by my anxiety about my temperamental body. But since I’m generally interested in it but then end up worrying myself in a frenzy about my body’s movements during something as simple as a cuddle session even though physical touch is my primary love language I’m leaning towards the latter). So Tyler would also need to be in a relationship with someone who is aware and respectful of his physical boundaries.

And that’s why I think they should be in a QPR together and will now delude myself into thinking that the show is giving us signals that it will happen even though it’s absolutely unrealistic.

[from-your-older-wiser-sister]

When someone has a crush on your partner

I've been in this situation in the past, and it stirs up some really tough feelings. Looking back, I have some thoughts I'd like to share related to my own experience. It's a bit of a wall of text, so my advice is at the end if you'd rather skip to that.

The Situation

My partner (A) and I were living together during university. They had made a pretty close friend in their class, B, who was really struggling with being away from home, and general mental health. A and B saw each other every day for class, as well as studying and hanging out, mostly in group settings but sometimes just them. While I would sometimes meet up with them, our schedules didn't really align. My partner loves helping people and feeling needed, so they jumped all in trying to support B, making sure that they were fully available via text and call if B needed to talk about anything. After a few months of this unconditional reassurance and support, B told A that they had developed a crush on them.

Initially I decided to be super chill about it. You can't control who you get a crush on, and it seemed pretty straightforward that nothing was going to come from this. I even spoke to B about it, and kind of laughed it off.

After a few weeks though, I started to realise just how much I was feeling jealous and hurt by the attention that A was continuing to pay to B. B was messaging A with every little thought and concern, seeking continuous reassurance in a way that struck me as more akin to how you might emotionally rely on a partner. On a group trip, B was constantly standing or sitting physically next to A, and I was miserable. Another friend on that trip knew the situation, and reassured me that I wasn't being paranoid, B's behaviour struck them as overt and disrespectful to our relationship.

Throughout all of this, my partner was in denial about B's behaviour. They saw B as one of their best friends, and gladly accepted all of the attention that B was offering along with the gratifying sense of being needed by someone that you can help. When I asked at some point whether B had crossed any lines, A could only think of B leaning on them while they were watching a movie, but A noted that they didn't really do anything besides shift away a little, because it could've just been friendly (Again, full denial).

The final straw was when I found out that B asked A whether, if we ever broke up, A would consider dating B. A told B no, but it cut me so deeply that B, who I was trying so hard to see as a friend despite everything, would so blatantly seek to undermine my relationship and my happiness. There was a big falling out between myself and B. I blamed B for all of my unhappiness that I had been feeling, and accused them of being manipulative and cruel. Simultaneously, A continued trying to maintain their friendship with B. A few months later, B started dating someone else in the group, and basically completely dropped A. This really shook A, as this undermined A's sense of being a super close friend of B, which had been their justification and source of plausible deniability for all of their interactions.

Reflection

I really regret placing all of the blame for my unhappiness on B. Yes their behaviour was selfish, but looking back on that time, I can see how young we all were, and how much we didn't know ourselves yet. We all acted in ways that perpetuated the situation, and we all could've done things differently and avoided a lot of pain.

A clear source of unhappiness for me was that I didn't know how to articulate my need for comfort and support. The jealousy I felt when A was supporting B and not myself was largely self-inflicted, because A had no way to know that I even wanted or needed support. As far as A knew, I was generally doing fine. We fell into the trap of assuming that living together was equivalent to spending actual quality time together, and so I couldn't explain or justify why I felt so lonely and disconnected from A when I was objectively seeing them everyday. I was so concerned with not being the kind of person who stops their partner from hanging out with their friends, that I didn't speak up for myself. Learning to know myself and communicate what I needed to feel comfortable was a process, as was A learning to hear and understand my experience when it didn't match theirs.

It was also entirely within A's control to set boundaries with B, and avoid most of the drama that happened. B told me later that they had assumed that A would tell them if they did anything that crossed a line, and A never did. B took what they were given willingly by A, including encouragement to seek A out whenever B wanted to talk to someone. When I was lying awake seething that B would have the audacity to be messaging A late at night, B had the understanding that this was all totally fine because if it wasn't, wouldn't A say that they could talk some other time instead? I was as much in denial about A's behaviour as A was about B. I've discussed it with A since, and learned that ultimately A enjoyed the attention they were receiving, including the sense that they were so needed by someone. A had been able to frame everything as friendship right until they were replaced by a real relationship. It was only when that attention was removed, when B stopped 'needing' A, that A could look at the situation more objectively.

Advice

If you find that your partner is spending a lot of time with a friend, and then you learn that that friend has a crush on them, here's my advice:

Communicate. Be honest with your partner about how you feel in the situation. Don't try and downplay your feelings, as that can just lead to you making your feelings easily dismissable. After shared interactions with the friend, let your partner know if anything that happened made you feel uncomfortable, including your partner's own behaviour. Work together to see if you can avoid those sources of discomfort in the future.

Set boundaries. Work with your partner on this, because you can't assume that their boundaries are the same as yours. Talk it through, and decide if any behavioural changes would be appropriate. This could look like not always being on call for this friend, and leaving their messages to be replied to later. It may look like not spending time together alone. It doesn't have to be rigid rules, but it can help to share with your partner what makes you uncomfortable, so that you can be clear of what crosses a line for both of you. It sets up your partner for success as they endeavour to respect you and your relationship.

Act with respect. Chances are the friend doesn't actually want to cause any harm. Hold them accountable for any untoward actions if its obviously out of line (like kissing your partner or something) or was explicitly pointed out as crossing a boundary. Otherwise, if they're just trying to stay friendly, try and continue to be friendly in return, and don't be hard on them for crossing lines that they didn't know about.

Consider a break. If the friend is starting to push on your relationship, or you find that you can't handle them being around your partner at the moment, it may be worth suggesting that your partner withdraw from the friendship until the crush abates and the friend's behaviour returns to normal. That could look like your partner becoming less available to spend time with this friend, or stopping initiating messaging. It's a difficult conversation, but ultimately reducing contact can help stop a crush thats been developing based on consistent interactions, and also allows room for the friend to spend time with other people who might be better crush candidates for them.

[the-lady-writes-what]

How did you find out that you're a lesbian? /gen you don't have to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable

TLDR at the bottom if this essay is too much

It's not an uncomfortable question at all. Thank you for asking. So me coming out as lesbian is a really long story about 30 years in the making. I guess I was socially programmed into thinking I was straight for most of my life by the outside world. I didn't grow up in a religious household or anything but at the same time I didn't have any understanding of gay, straight, bi, pan, etc. I did, however, grow up in the 90's and early 2000's where LGBTQ+ presentation wasn't, you know, great. I was conditioned by the media around me, which was cis het (and mostly white) 99.9% of the time, to think that straight and me being straight was what everyone was doing and normal with no deviations whatsoever.

Flash forward to my high school years, more specifically sophomore and junior year. I tended to have a lot of boy crushes and looking back on it now, I'd say it had more to do with seeking male attention and validation because of Daddy Issues. This was now the early 2010's where there was this trend with everyone and their weird aunt coming out as bisexual. I had this friend who I used to be close with and I thought I had feelings for her on a romantic level. Having no real established knowledge or understanding of what bisexual meant or being queer or gay, I just went with it. Add into the mix a heady mixture of teenage hormones, emotionally unfulfilled home life, and religion, and you have a disaster. By the time I was a sophomore, I had converted to Catholicism of my own free will and ironically because of a lesbian. Trying to be "good" Catholic and having a girlfriend conflicted, so I broke it off. In retrospect, that might have been a good thing because this friend developed a codependency on me and stalked me on Facebook a couple times after I ended the friendship when one too many lies and inconsistencies became too much for me to handle (and also because she was not the emotional support I needed).

Between high school graduation and college, I dated a number of people. I had three romantic partners, one boyfriend and two partners who later came out as transwomen. Between all that time, I kinda hated myself. I would date someone for a few months and then break up because of something I couldn't define. I was there in the present, but couldn't see a future with that partner. I felt like something was wrong with me and my sexuality was broken. In my early 20's, I discovered asexuality and thought "oh. maybe this is why the way I am." Asexuality became my identity. Dating and sleeping with men no longer was a priority for me. Aside from this one partner who I dated off and on for about...10 years, I didn't feel the need to date men. I eventually stopped being Catholic around 2019 and then COVID happened.

I spent 2020-2021 doing a lot of introspection. I noticed things that I hadn't before about my behavior and reactions when socializing with the same or opposite gender. I realized that it has always been easier for me to talk to women than men, and not just because of my issues with my dad. Oh. Okay, then. Maybe I'm asexual but have romantic feelings for women and men? I can date women if I wanted to, I don't have to sleep with them. And over the next couple years more and more pieces of the puzzle fell into place. I started reading wlw fantasy books. I've always been excited to see two people or two characters of every persuasion find love. I love love. But when I read "The Tiger's Daughter" by K. Arsenault Rivera and "The Jasmine Throne" by Tasha Suri, I felt a deeper connection to those romances on an emotional level. It was something deeper than being excited about love, it was something more akin to longing, as in "wow. i wish i could have that." This was not the same response I have to cis het couples.

Then, I had to look back on my interests. I realized that most of the men I lusted after were all fictional. Shouta Aizawa, Sesshomaru, Hawks, Loki, etc, none of them were real. I never thought about a male celebrity in that light. High school crushes are very different from having adult feelings, so I can say that I've never had the same feelings for men in the same way I have for Aizawa. There's only been one or two exceptions to the rule, but I've never imagined actually sleeping or falling in love with Tom Hiddleston. He's just very good looking and I like Loki. How I talk about male celebrities I like for their looks and female celebrities is very different.

Example

Tom Hiddleston: Wow. He's super handsome.

Markliplier (youtuber): Wow. He's super handsome, funny, AND he has a great personality. His girlfriend is so lucky.

Florence Welch, existing:

Me: Beautiful. Amazing. Talented. Stunning. Goddess, I worship at your feet. I want to drink from the same cup of wine that graced your lips and dance with you at midnight under the full moon....

You get the picture.

There are other examples that I looked at. Interest in Greek mythology especially anything to do with goddesses or female characters (of course, Artemis was my favorite, because GAY, though i have moved on to Athena and Aphrodite). I was always more interested in female characters in books. Lack of interest in sex with cis men. My favorite poem is "The Goblin Market" by Christina Rossetti, which has some very queer/lesbian undertones for a Victorian poem. I have a strong aversion to resembling as a male stereotypes, though I'm still trying to work on being less aggressive. The list is probably longer than this. Oh, and I have a Pinterest board made up of 581 and counting pictures of Florence Welch, and there is no heterosexual explanation for that.

All this came to a head in November and December last year. I had been discussing this with my friend (who I had also dated before she came out as trans) and my sister, who is a decent ally. In December 2022, I had no other choice but to admit to myself that after 30 years that I was not at all straight. The problem was that I had to wait to come out until a little later because at the time my uncle was very sick and died a week before Christmas. Coming out of the closest last year as soon as I realized it was not a good idea. I came out to my sister and my friend in January and I've been getting used to the identity ever since. Sorry this is a fucking biography but I tend to be very verbose and take a long time to explain anything.

TLDR: American society conditioned me into thinking I was straight for most of my 30 yrs of life, but that was incorrect because women are pretty and I'm in love with Florence Welch.

[ericspinkhair]

dirty thoughts from a distance

pairing: dom!changmin x virgin!reader, best friends to lovers, college au!

synopsis: you masturbate while thinking of your best friend and he catches you moan out his name

word count: 3.8k

warnings: maybe slight angst, (getting caught) masturbating, mutual masturbation, sex in general ig

a/n: y'all are crazyy! it has barely been 19 days and I have already hit 100 followers🤧 thank you guys so much for your support and sending in requests!!! everytime I see leave me nice messages I feel so encouraged to keep on writing even though there is still a lot of room to improve and I am not always completely satisfied with what I create. I wish all of you a great day and hope that you stay happy and healthy!!

this chapter is especially dedicated to @bangcrispychannie​ and anon who requested this kind of scenario ❤️

masterlist + requests

for three years you wondered why you hadn't lost your virginity yet. it's not like you didn't have enough opportunities since you had been in two relationships so far, both lasted about five to seven months.

the feelings in your first relationship were been mostly one-sided however.

when a guy in your biology class named Minho confessed his crush for you, you thought that the only logical next step was to become a couple. you were quite flattered that he had taken such an interest in you and believed and hoped you would eventually develop feelings for him as well. the problem was you didn't. after not being able to be emotionally let alone physically intimate with him for a few months into your relationship, he finally confronted you and you confessed that you just couldn't bring yourself to see him that way. your relationship came to an end just before becoming a senior in high school.

in your last year, you got close with Seonghwa. you were seat neighbors in your english class and you'd chat all the time. he was perfectly sweet, smart and funny and you instantly got along just fine. you developed an interest in him and he seemed to feel the same way. he asked you out with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and some chocolate and you agreed to being his girlfriend without much thought. you caught yourself falling in love with this boy and didn't shy away from physical affection such as kissing and holding hands. you were convinced you were ready to give yourself to him during prom night but when it came to it you chickened out. a couple of hours before, you had found out that your best friend changmin had broken up with his girlfriend of six months.

for a long time you hadn't been able to decipher why you hadn't slept with Seonghwa then. as time passed, the unpleasant answer became clearer and clearer: you had brought up your hopes.

you had been best friends with changmin basically since you started elementary school. on the first day, he scared you with a stupid horror mask he had sneaked in from home and made you cry. he felt so guilty and was determined to make it up to you and to become friends. you had been inseparable ever since.

when he got his first girlfriend in junior year you were devastated. you convinced yourself that the reason for that was that you had been scared he was going to replace you as his best friend but in reality you had felt jealousy.

you were suppressing your feelings because if you confessed, things might become awkward. there was no way changmin could ever like you the same way.

all of this became more difficult as you moved in together for college. you were sharing an apartment now and every day, it became harder to avoid your growing and troublesome feelings. your heart would beat faster whenever he walked around shirtless (which was most of the time) and you decided to try to ignore him. this was especially difficult since you wanted to appreciate his physique. when had he become this handsome? changmin had been dancing all his life so he had always been fit but now that he was majoring in it and training most of the time, his body had developed and he had become super toned and his abs were more prominent.

he'd often make his way into your dreams and you'd let him do inappropriate things with you. you'd wake up wet and needy and even more confused. you were ashamed of seeing him this way. this was not how one normally thought about their best friend.

it was a wednesday morning and you were eating breakfast when changmin joined you in the kitchen. he flashed you a big smile, making his pretty dimples appear which you didn't see as you did not look at him.

'good morning, y/n!' he greeted you in a good mood. you just grunted in response, intensely staring at the cereal swimming in your bowl.

the fact that you couldn't even spare him a glance hurt changmin but he tried to not let it show. he wanted to get you to talk to him.

'do you want to watch a movie and play some board games today after class?' he proposed. you hadn't spent a lot of time together ever since you had become aware of your feelings.

'I have an essay due tomorrow,' you quickly made up as an excuse. the corners of changmin's mouth twitched but you didn't notice as you were too preoccupied with doing anything that didn't include looking at him.

'then maybe on the weekend. or next-' 'I'll be busy,' you interjected. 'I have lots to do.' you stressed the lots to emphasize there was absolutely no way you would be able to hang out with him any time soon.

'umm… okay. I'll be going to class.' he told you dejected. your heart sank but you didn't respond. he was wondering whether he had done anything to make you upset but he couldn't wrap his mind around it. this had been going on for a while and he was starting to become desperate.

when you first got the apartment you spent every free minute of the day together, happy that you finally moved out and could be with each other 24/7, but then you stopped talking to him completely out of nowhere. from one day to the other, you would avoid leaving your room when he was outside and barely talked to him anymore. at first, changmin thought you were just stressed and that you'd eventually warm up again when exam season came to an end but a few months had passed and, if anything, the situation was even worse than before.

you were watching the time and after ten minutes you decided to leave for classes as well. you had started doing this so you couldn't possibly catch up to him and risk having a conversation.

'hey, y/n, what's up!' your friend chanhee hugged you when you arrived on campus. you were both majoring in fashion design and were getting along on well since the beginning of the first semester.

you sighed exasperatedly. 'changmin's up.' you puffed your cheeks and pouted. chanhee nodded knowingly. he was the only person who was aware of your little secret and that was only because you had accidentally drunk confessed the whole story to him at your first college party.

'you know maybe you should tell him. this whole thing is clearly not making you happy and I saw changmin walk by a few minutes ago. if I had to guess I'd say he was in an even worse mood than you. someone accidentally ran into him and he pushed them hard and called them names. it's not like him to overreact like this. he's usually super collected. I think you finally managed to break his spirit,' chanhee reported to you.

this had never been what you intended. why did everything have to be so difficult? you didn't want to be the cause of your best friend's unhappiness.

'he must feel like I despise him. but I cannot confess to him, that would be the end of our friendship!' you were constantly torn apart by this dilemma.

'well, if you're not gonna act on your feelings, maybe try to move on? find something casual or serious with someone new? then you'd forget all about changmin and you'd be able to go back to acting normal around him' he suggested.

chanhee's advice didn't sound too bad. if you couldn't get with changmin then you had to de-crush yourself and find somebody different to focus your emotional energy on. but on who?

'is there anyone you could think of?' you ask chanhee. he had great taste in practically everything so you highly valued his opinion.

'hmm, you could potentially try younghoon hyung? I've seen him eyeing you for weeks now and he even told me thinks your gorgeous.' he wiggled his eyebrows teasingly.

younghoon was a pretty art student, whom chanhee knew from high school. you didn't talk to him often, mostly at parties and he wasn't exactly your type but you tried to remember shouldn't judge him by his first impression when you haven't even got to know him.

chanhee pulled out his phone and soon you felt yours vibrate in your back pocket. you looked at him questioningly.

'I sent you his number in case you're interested,' he explained proudly. he put his hand on your shoulder and you could see the concern in his eyes. 'you really need to get over changmin if don't want to confess,' he insisted firmly.

so you decided to text younghoon during class. he was very polite and you thought he was cute as he seemed excited to talk to you. you agreed to hang out sometime to get to know each other and decided to meet up friday for dinner.

after the end of your classes, you walked home to warm up yesterday's leftovers. to your dismay, changmin had also decided to come home for once. since you began acting all weird and refused to eat with him, he usually spent lunch time with his dance mates as they had practice after anyway. why had he decided to come here today? your question was answered when he ran up to you, smiling from ear to ear and you noticed he was hiding something behind his back.

'you know how there is a blackpink concert downtown on friday? guess what!' he held up two tickets. surely you would at least agree to spend time with him if it meant being able to see your favorite group, right?

he must have gone through so much trouble to get tickets for you and since blackpink were your favorite music artists you were actually contemplating on going but then you remembered you had made plans.

'I can't. I'm going out with younghoon friday night.'

'kim younghoon?' he raised an eyebrow skeptically.

'why would you to be spending time together? I didn't know he was even talking to you,' he questioned you. anger was boiling inside of you.

'maybe it's because you don't know everything about me,' you snapped at him. you were aware that you were being harsh but somehow his words hurt you. why did he doubt you? did he think you weren't able to get with someone as awesome and popular as younghoon? did he not consider you pretty enough?

the microwave beeped, indicating your food was ready, making you snap out of your thoughts.

'y/n, I swear, that's not what I meant.' he stepped directly in front of you so you were forced to look at him. you stared deep into his pleading eyes as you closed the microwave door, turned your back to him, stomped to your room and slammed the door shut, leaving changmin behind in the kitchen.

your whole body was tense as you listened closely to any sounds coming from outside and felt relieved when you heard the front door close. feeling sad and depressed always made you feel tired so you decided to take a nap to forget about all the negative feelings.

when you woke up you were horny af. you had a dream about changmin taking you on the kitchen counter and now your panties were completely soaked with your arousal.

desperate, you pulled them down and tossed them somewhere to the side. it didn't matter. you needed relief now.

you closed your eyes as you slowly started rubbing your clit, imagining it was changmin's slender fingers touching you instead. your imagination was running wild and you sped up the tempo.

eventually, you plunged your middle finger and then your index finger inside you, pretending that changmin was stretching your walls with his cock.

you moaned loudly and picked up the pace, chasing your high. oh, how much you wished he was the one making you come.

'yes?' you opened your eyes and gasped loudly as you saw changmin watching you from the doorway. you hecticly pulled up your blankets to your chest to cover your naked lower body. for how fucking long had he been standing there?

'oh fuck, changmin...' you cursed out loud.

to your surpise he laughed. 'oh, is this why you have been so distant? were you embarrassed about imagining doing dirty things with me?' your cheeks were burning red and you were unable to move a muscle.

'you know, if you had told me you were thinking of me while doing it then I could've helped you out already. that would have spared both of us a lot of frustration.' he stepped into the room and pulled the sheets away, his hungry eyes fixed on your desperately dripping pussy. you tried to hide it with your hands.

'n-no… what are you saying? aren't we best friends? ' you couldn't comprehend what was happening right now. the way he was acting was so unexpected that you didn't know how to react or what to say. he brushed his hand over your burning cheeks. his eyes were conveying disparity.

'but what if I told you I don't care? that I like you? that I see you as more than just my best friend?'

'wait, you like me?' you couldn't believe your ears. was he actually reciprocating your feelings?

he groaned in exasperation. 'y/n, why did you think I ended things with my ex out of the blue?' you shrugged your shoulders as you weren't sure. you had thought it was because she had lost interest in him, at least that's what changmin had told you back then.

'because I realized I was in love you, you dumbass. how could I be together with someone if I had feelings for someone else?'

'I actually ruined my chances of having sex with seonghwa for the first time for the same reason. it was just after I had found out about the breakup,' you confessed, relieved that you were finally beginning to make sense of everything.

he climbed onto the mattress and positioned his knees next to your closed legs, leaning his hands on the wall behind you so that he was hovering above you.

'I'm sorry that you lost that opportunity. let me make it up to you,' he whispered with his face mere inches from yours and then kissed you. losing all self-restraint, you immediately pulled his body closer so that he was straddling you. after all these months filled with sexual frustration and just frustration in general, you were desperate for his touch. your hands wandered under his dance shirt and you were finally able to touch those abs you had been secretly admiring for so long.

you broke the kiss to take off both of your shirts and changmin skillfully unclasped your bra.

while his tongue was exploring the insides of your mouth, his hands were kneading your breasts, occasionally rubbing and pinching your hardened nipples. you felt his hard dick press against your lower abdomen as he grinded himself into you to get friction.

after having dreamt about this moment for so long, you felt impatient. this was too good to be true and you were scared that if you didn't act quick, your bubble would bust.

without thinking twice about it, you pulled down the hem of his sweatpants and boxers just far enough so you could easily reach inside and whip out his dick. you stopped for a moment to admire his length. it looked even better than you had ever imagined in any of your wildest dreams.

he sat upright, leaning on the wall behind you, while you stroked his cock. he was sensitive to your touch and not shy to show you how well you were doing by responding with moans.

'fuck, y/n. you're doing amazing.' his praise made you eager to show him just how good you could make him feel. your lack of experience was barely noticeable as the adrenaline flowing through your veins was guiding you.

you tapped his thighs to signalize him to inch closer. that way your mouth had easier access to his dick. you hesitantly licked up his length and were fascinated by how he tasted. wanting to have more of it, you swirl your tongue around his pink tip. changmin eventually became impatient and forced more of his dick inside your mouth so you tried to take as much of him as you could but your gag reflex made it difficult for you. instead, you worked your hands where your mouth couldn't do its job.

not wanting you to feel neglected, changmin reached behind him to stimulate your clit. he skillfully started rubbing all the right places and you moaned around him, sending vibrations through his cock.

he couldn't take this stimulation for much longer before he had to force himself to pull out of your mouth.

'wow, you almost made me come there.' he panted heavily. 'but I want to be inside you first.' you got lost in his touch as he placed a long kiss on your lips but a sudden thought brought you back to reality.

'wait, I don't have a condom,' you informed him embarrassed. you hadn't planned to lose your virginity any time soon so you hadn't bought any. did that mean the end of this wonderful dream?

but changmin laughed light heartedly. 'no need to worry. hold up, let me get some from my room.' you relaxed again as he disappeared and came back shortly with a condom wrapper in his hand.

you were prepared for him to start right away and took a deep breath in preparation but he didn't do anything.

'I don't think it's a good idea to start yet since I haven't even prepared you. the last thing I would want to do is hurt you so just lay back.'

he positioned your legs over his shoulders so your hips were hovering in the air. you felt his warm breath against your vagina before he drove his tongue inside you, seeing for himself how wet he had made you and tasting your arousal. you clasped your hands over your mouth to stop yourself from releasing any sounds.

'don't do that. I want to hear how good I make you feel,' changmin complained.

when he slid two fingers inside you, you couldn't hold it in anymore and let out some kind of aroused squeal. you felt self-conscious but it seemed like changmin was only more eager to please you.

at the same time, his tongue was abusing your swollen clit and it was impossible for you to hold back the curses that were spilling out of your mouth. the pleasure he was making you feel was a whole different sensation from anything else you've experienced before.

'more please, changmin!' you begged. you wanted more. you needed more. you needed him.

he carefully lowered your hips back down. 'are you sure you want this?' he asked you, waiting for you to clearly consent to having sex with him.

'I want you. you, and only you,' you reassured him and brought his face closer to kiss him. changmin's typical bright smile formed and you felt the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

he positioned himself at your entrance, swiping his dick between your folds like a credit card to coat it with your juices.

you gripped his arms tightly as he pushed in. he slowly continued until all of him was buried deep inside you before stopping. the feeling of a whole penis inside of you was very different from your or changmin's fingers. it filled you up to the brim and was rubbing all the good spots. while it initially caused you a bit of discomfort, it wasn't overwhelming and it also felt good in a weird way.

when your walls finished adjusting to his length, he began to steadily move his dick in and out.

changmin intensely studied your face. he couldn't believe that after all those years you were finally close to being his. he wanted to savor every single expression you made while he was inside you.

you wrapped your legs around his torso, trying to push him deeper. he slammed his cock back inside you.

'you are mine,' he declared and started going harder and faster.

'I am yours,' you confirmed and wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him in for a kiss.

because of the extensive foreplay and your own masturbation prior to this, it didn't take long until your walls were tightening around his dick and you felt an orgasm approaching.

driven wild by you clenching around his cock, he thrusted into you even faster. you rested your sweaty foreheads against each other as both of you almost came simultaneously.

changmin kissed the top of your head before he pulled out and threw away the used condom. you opened your arms and he let himself fall right into your embrace.

'I know this might be kind of weird to talk about right now but do you want to be my girlfriend?' Changmin asked you. he still wasn't too sure what all of this meant for your relationship and he desperately needed to know where your mind was at.

'after having liked you for all this time I'd be an idiot to say no.' 'you're an idiot anyway,' he teased. you slapped his arm.

'hey! I'm not the one who ignored you for a couple of months because my hormones are out of control.' you hid your face in the crook of his neck, too embarrassed face him.

'I'm really sorry for that. you just mean so much to me and I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of our friendship.' he stroked your hair.

'I do understand that. if I hadn't heard you moan my name today I wouldn't have acted on my feelings either. but all is good now, right?' 'right.' you smiled and placed a small kiss below his ear.

'there is still one thing you need to do,' changmin tried to remind you. you looked at him, puzzled.

'what do you mean?' 'younghoon,' he hinted. you immediately started looking for your phone. that date was definitely going to have to be cancelled. there was no need for you to find a distraction anymore since you had been granted your wish after all.

[fireemblems24]

Dimitri's Supports

I have waited FOREVER for this. Let's go. And I decided to put my patience to the test, saving Dedue for last.

Since it's Dimitri and I love him, and like Dedue who I also love, he's the only one unlocking all his A-Supports, I'm going to blog all my reactions to them like I did with Dedue. Part of me wishes I thought of this for the other characters, but honestly it would've taken forever lol. Plus Dimitri and Dedue get special treatment because I said so.

Raphael

Starting off with something light hearted, I hope. I do wonder if I'm going to regret not saving this one for the inevitably heavy-handed stuff coming later.

I'm seriously betting this is a support you're supposed to get in part 1 lol. Dimitri sounds young (or maybe I'm just haven't heard non-growl part 2 Dimitri enough yet?)

Dimitri's training made Raphael think he was dying lol. Dimitri's strength is really meme tier.

I need fanart of Dimitri and Chrom co-miserating their mishandled strength breaking something. And Lucina.

Lamo, Raphael has never felt a cramp before. Lucky bastard.

Raphael is a sweetie, going to apologize to his muscles. I really wish they gave him something else to talk about other than muscles and food. Not everyone needs Dimitri tier development, but I think I'd like Raphael a lot more if he just got a smidge more depth.

Got to say, it's a bit jarring to go from "moments away from a suicide charge in the rain" to "lol, Raphael, it's muscle pain." As glad as I am that I got this support, I do think some should've been locked to part 1.

And this isn't just for Dimitri's development. I also saw Marianne and Raphael's B before this support and she reverted back to her part 1 self too.

Catherine

Maybe it's just me, but he does sound a bit older.

OMG - Dimitri's back. 😭😭😭

Sorry, it didn't really hit in that first one since that seemed like a part 1 support.

Oh, cool! I was wondering if anyone would bring up Catherine returning to Faerghus. My bets is she's too loyal to Rhea. (I guessed right)

Catherine be simpin. That's ok, I get it.

So it's not because Catherine dislikes Dimitri, or that she's absolutely needed to rule House Charon, so I think Dimitri just likes her. She's cool though. I get it.

Lamo, she told him he'd better get his sleep like he's a kid.

Curious how the A+ support will play out.

Mercedes

Team Mom's support!

Oh, no, this one's taking a serious turn isn't it? But their initial supports were so light and cute.

Mercedes just told Dimitri that he's kind to a fault. Somehow I know he's going to deny that.

Annnnnd I'm right 😭😭😭He's still calling himself a killer and disgusting monster 😭😭😭

OK - so THIS seems perfectly in tone with his recent character development. But it's so sad hearing him still talk about himself that way.

Mercedes is such a therapist. I can't. She's too pure. But savage. I saw that Lorenz support.

"I am scared . . . so scared that I will forget their faces." 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Dimitri why????

Mercedes telling Dimitri to live in the present. Her supports are always so good. I legit think she's easily a top 10 favorite in this game.

Wow, Dimitri saying if someone told him that 5 years ago, he'd be different. DID NO ONE EVER GIVE HIM ANY HELP AT ALL???

I love how she's talking to him as a classmate, and equal, and not talking up to him. He's always wanted that.

Dimitri's never given his own dreams any thought 😭😭😭He really was just 100% living for other people most of the time. 😭😭😭

Awww MERCEDES, I can't. She says she just wants to keep being his friend. This is so damn sweet. And heavy. But still sweet.

It just hits super hard knowing how badly Dimitri just wanted friends in part 1. And looking back, Mercedes and Sylvain were really the only two who were pretty casual with him.

Aww, yeah, Mercedes not putting up with the bullshit, Dimitri. Telling him to quit the self-deprecation! God, I love her.

Oh, God, they both said the old FE code for "we're married" i.e. I want to "stay by your side."

Ok, @garlandgerard, I totally get why you ship this. Mercedes loves to nurture people, and Dimitri's emotionally needy, so they match pretty well. She also didn't put up with the constant self-put-downs, but stayed gentle about it. And they talked like equals too, like friends, which is what Dimitri always wanted. It's all very sweet.

Annette

Yeah, see, this one starts off with "your highness," but Mercedes it was just Dimitri. No hate for Annette. She's my girl.

These two always give me sibling vibes.

Haha, Annette "I thought I already knew you, but I'm not sure I really do." Hmmmm wonder what Dimitri did that made her think that maybe there's parts of him she didn't know. No. idea.

Hey, Annette, no one blames you for not knowing what to say to Dimitri when they reunited lol.

Annette too pure too, wanting to cheer Dimitri up with his favorite food.

Her not knowing what he likes to eat is 100% that moment when you realize you don't know someone's favorite color.

HOW can Dimitri have no strong feelings about food. I'm having pizza right now. Let me tell you, I have strong feelings about some food.

I love how easily Dimitri deflected from talking about himself lol.

Awwww, Annette wants to live with her family again. I'll make that happen, Annette. Don't worry.

Haha, they're conspiring together behind Gilbert's back.

They still have an A+ support, which is weird, because that seemed pretty well ended? Like I see why Catherine's needed more, but not this one. Still, not going to say no. I like their dynamic.

Ingrid

OCF they're training. God I love all the Faerghus childhood group though.

Oh, fuck, here comes Glenn again. My heart's not ready for this with Rodrigue dead. Poor Felix.

Ingrid being Dimitri's knight 😊😊😊 as it should be.

Haha, Dimitri asks her for an interpretation. Just make her your knight.

Glad he hasn't started saying "I'm not worthy!" Because right now it's about Ingrid's feelings.

Wow, there, Ingrid. "However you please, Your Highness." That . . . that sounds like an invitation. To "staying by your side."

Dimitri laughed. 😊😊😊

Oh, God, this is so cute. His pause asking her to support and defend him as his knight. 😊😊😊 OMG. I'm not sure that's all she had in mind though, good Sir, have you LOOKED in the mirror?

Seriously though, Ingrid's just surrounded by studs, isn't she?

Oh, God, I'm right. She didn't just mean knight. But Dimitri's too dense in that area to notice. She crushing hard. Girl, I get you.

She blushing, saying "for the Kingdom," naw, she just like him. Me too, Ingrid. Me too.

Dimitri always makes people promise not to die on him. It's so sad considering . . .

Flayn

With Flayn it's always a toss up. Sometimes things are super light hearted, and other times it's way heavy.

On a random note, does no one wonder why Flayn hasn't aged a day in 5 years?

Flayn having nightmares. Not allowed. I bet it's fucking Jeritza's fault. I'm glad you get to rip him a new one so many times in this game.

Why is Flayn apologizing?? She's never done a thing wrong in her life.

Right, Flayn's other support with Dimitri was pretty heavy. And it started so funny with him stomaching her food.

Oh, good grief, what's he apologizing for? Ok - so Dimitri did do some things wrong. But not to Flayn.

He lied. Let me guess. Her food actually sucks.

Aw, got it. He went right to the meal. Is he really going to come out and say, well it actually sucked 😂

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE MEALS???? AND THE TEA an embarrassing amount of tea.

Wait. He can't taste ANYTHING??? Like. How? Did he hide that????

Ok - I need to look at his team and dining dialogue.

OMG. He really never says a word about how anything tastes? He always just talks about smells????

OMG. How did I NOT NOTICE. I've taken Dimitri to dinner a million times. And tea timed him too many times to admit too.

AND I NEVER NOTICED HE NEVER ONCE SAID HOW ANYTHING TASTED. HOW.

OMG that support with Annette hits different now 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

OMG and Dedue's support with Flayn hits different now. Since he wanted to badly to find food Dimitri loves 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Does Dedue know? Is that why he's so dedicated to cooking??

Can I headcannon that?

OMG, I feel so awful about that jab about pizza. Dimitri CAN'T TASTE pizza or anything 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Please someone tell me there isn't any more "this awful thing also happened to Dimitri and he's failed to tell you" like learning he almost fucking died at Duscur. And now this. Dimitri needs to learn how to fucking complain.

The writers are so fucking mean to Dimitri. OMG. OMG, how am I supposed to take him to dinner and tea now, knowing this?

Why does everything hit so differently now? And so many Blue Lions supports are about food - but Dimitri can't relate

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

This game needs to stop bullying Dimitri.

But like, God, can you imagine? Not tasting anything? I'd starve. I'd actually starve. I never really get hungry. I really would starve.

On the flip side, he's good for Flayn then, since someone can eat her cooking I guess.

"I was just saying what I thought you would want to hear . . ." Dimitri - a summary.

Naw, that's a kind lie. That kind of lie doesn't really hurt anyone.

Oh - dear God. Flayn. Stop. No sampling pungent food.

Oh, she blushing. Dimitri got her blushing

Please tell me in their paired ending Dimitri gets his taste back.

Oh, there's an A+, does he taste something. Please tell me he tastes something.

This support though. It wasn't really one on my radar but

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Gilbert

Oh, man, this one right after Flayn's. God, I'm going to need the Alois one after this. Gilbert and Dimitri are two of the most somber characters in the franchise.

And I haven't forgotten that heartbreaking B support.

Haha Lambert sucked at lying too. Dimitri too pure. Weirdly, despite everything, it's still pretty true.

Oh, shit, oh shit, we're back to Dimitri's demand that Gilbert kill him. I'm betting you usually get that in part 2.

God, imagine seeing Dimitri recover only to see him beg for death again 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I need alcohol.

I need the Alois support.

OMG, shit, Dimitri. No. Don't. Stop.

Like, I know Gilbert won't really kill him, but damn. This support is heavy.

No, Dimitri, no Gilbert is not cruel for not killing you. God.

Oh, not sure about this. I get what Gilbert's going at here, but telling Dimitri that he's not allowed to die because he's got a duty is . . . I think Rodrigue's and Mercedes' live for what you want/the present is a LOT healthier.

At the same time, this is a pretty effective way to make sure Dimitri won't go and try this again, because he really takes duty seriously.

Dimitri doesn't wish to die? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Oh, thank God.

"Many times I have felt that I cannot afford to die . . . But this was the first time I truly feared the prospect." 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"Is it really right for me to live?" Oh, dear God. I'm so soft for Dimitri. I can't.

Gilbert answered that one right. 100%.

Damn, these supports.

Alois

OK. I need this one. I really need this one.

I really hope Alois' inspiration is bad puns. I need bad puns right now.

Pretty sure this is a part 1 support though. I love how Alois, not Dimitri, is leading this. And that the person the Kingdom NEEDS is running around and getting attacked by monsters lol

Ok, bad puns. Bring them.

There we go. Thank you, thank you, Alois.

OMG no one's laughing 😂😂😂

Dimitri's laughing 😭😭😭😭😭😭

That's it. This is always getting saved for part 2. I need to hear part 2 Dimitri laugh.

I'm also so glad someone finds Alois funny. Dimitri and Petra need to start a club.

OMG I love the two other confused soldiers. I needed this 😂😂😂

Marianne

These two were so sweet in their C and B supports.

I swear I'm going to end up shipping Dimitri with everyone. Except maybe Annette, no hate, they just seem so much like brother and sister to me.

And Felix x Annette 100%

Survivor's Guilt - the pairing. Both wondering why they survived 😭😭😭

"There are so many others who are much more deserving of life . . ." - who said it? Marianne or Dimitri?

These two just understand how each other feels so well. It hits so different compared to Marianne's other romantic possible supports where they just try to make her smile.

Instead these two take comfort in finding someone who understands how they feel so well and feel relieved they can share that with someone.

Haha - "I must go on living. I cannot give in to death so readily." This coming right after his support with Gilbert. Good job, Gilbert.

They've both had it so rough 😭😭😭😭😭😭

"There is no need to force yourself to smile as your soul bleeds." Dimitri always gives such good advice that he never follows.

Aww, now at least it's getting cute instead of just heavy. Marianne laughed too 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Yesss, Girl, preach. I got a little sick of her other supports all being "cheer up!" Like I know it's all in good faith, but I'm so glad this chain exists. It just hits different.

Dimitri doesn't think he's strong enough to live his life. 😭😭😭 this game. I swear.

ohhhh - ohhh, Dimitri blushing now. And all she needed to say was they've been brought closer together. Congrats Marianne!

OHHHH tables have been turned. Now someone's making Dimitri promise he needs to live!

"I don't know what I'd do with myself if we lost you . . ."

"I promise to the goddess of Fodlan that I will never give you cause for despair."

OMG these two are being so sweet, I can't. 😭😭😭😊😊😊

Felix

Oh, boy, here we go. This should be . . . interesting.

Oh, we're starting off good I see. Felix telling Dimitri he needs to answer quickly or get cut in half 😔Felix. No.

Dimitri sounds so somber 😭

Dimitri admitting both are him - the vengeful "boar" and the friendly good person. And this is why I love him.

Dimitri feels the need to shoulder all the regret the dead feel, please don't. They wouldn't want that 😭😭😭😭😭

"The dead won't acknowledge your loyalty, they don't care." - Felix not wrong there.

I partly agree with the idea Dimitri is "serving his own ego" by claiming he's acting for the dead. I think it's a bit more complicated than that, but I think that's part of it.

Felix saying some good stuff here about the dead being dead and the living being living.

"If you keep stringing gravestones around your neck, you'll snap." - Felix, I don't know if you noticed but . . . uh . . . he sort of did.

Felix telling Dimitri to become a grave keeper is a bit funny. Not going to lie.

"I'm not immune to emotion you know." - just tsunderes things

Aw, Felix is upset his father died 😭😭 after all that shit-talking about Rodrigue 😭😭

Wish Felix didn't cut Dimitri off when he said "more than anyone you-" (care about other people, unless he joins CF and just kills everyone)

Oh, God, Felix is such a tsundere. "I couldn't stand the pathetic look on your face. That's all." Sure, Felix.

Kinda wish these two had an A+ though. Seems like there's more to do than the A+ with Annette and Flayn.

Really curious to see what their paired ending is like after that. Seems they're still learning to learn about each other. Well, Felix is. Dimitri didn't seem too upset lol.

Dedue

Ok guys. Here we go. I can't believe I managed to wait for this for last. Everyone hyped this one, so let's hope.

Really? We open with Dimitri having scars on his back? 😭

From 9 years ago? So scars from Duscur then?

Images of shirtless Dimitri now. though Not bad images.

He got scars protecting Dedue?

"It makes me think that is was worthwhile that someone like me survived." 😭😭😭 he's talking about protecting Dedue? 😭😭😭

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"But I saved someone - saved you. That and that alone has been my crutch." 😭😭😭😭😭

I always knew these two were co-dependent.

Dimitri really out here saying that saving Dedue helped him "justify" surviving. 😭😭😭😊😊😊

OMG THAT'S THEIR STORY

OMG, poor Dedue. And Dimitri 😭😭😭did he literally "take a bullet" to save Dedue 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and still has scars? No wonder Dedue's so loyal. Some kid he didn't know did that. That's one hell of an introduction.

And picturing little Dedue just resigned and angry and waiting to die and just 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Oh, Dedue, you've repaid that debt ten-fold I'm sure.

Ahaha, Dimitri's doing the "you'd better accept your worth!" discussion this time lol.

Dear God these two. Now Dimitri's bringing up that Dedue busted him out of the jail.

I swear, these two have more of a plot off screen than some routes do on screen.

And now picturing Dimitri resigned and just ready to die. And then Dedue busts in. 😭😭😭

"That was nothing more than my duty as your vassal." Stop that Dedue. Dimitri doesn't want you to be his vassal. He wants more.

Holy shit.

"You are irreplaceable. Cherished." 😭😭😭😊😊😊😭😭😭😊😊😊😭😭😭😊😊😊😭😭😭😊😊😊

Not to be that person - but I tell all my "friends" that.

Yes, Dedue, stop saying insisting you're just a "vassal" - that's a worse joke than Alois' puns from earlier.

"Please . . . do not look at me that way." What way, like you're about to make Dimitri cry, or like . . .

"You promised me you would build a Kingdom that is proud to boast of Duscur blood." - shit, man, these two. I just . . .

OMG so much emotion from Dedue. The only time I ever heard that before was in VW when he learned Dimitri died. But let's not remember that right now 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Oh shit. He called him "Dimitri." 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

And it made him blush.

OMG.

Guys, these two.

Aww, Dimitri looks so surprised. 😊😊😊😊😊😊

Oh, these two are so soft for each other. I can't. I just can't.

"To be your friend . . . is what I have always wanted." You're going to get it.

Man, I feel almost guilty S-Supporting Dimitri. He needs to pair up with Dedue pronto.

Dimitri sounds chocked up. OMG.

"So please call upon me when you walk alone at night." Ok. Dedue. Ok. Yes. Guys. This is all very straight.

I'm not saying it's - you know - cannon, but there's some big feels here.

Oh, Dimitri, stop it. You like Dedue's overprotectiveness. Don't lie.

Man, you guys were so right. Dimitri really just came out and said Dedue was "cherished" and "irreplaceable." Like, I'm not making this stuff up. And Dedue blushing hardcore just saying Dimitri's name.

They're both just so soft. I can't. I literally cannot. This support was gold. It was worth all they hype.

And learning more about how they meant. Dimitri really taking a bullet for Dedue there. I just . . .

I just want all the happiness for both of them. They're really something special towards each other. Like I legitimately think this is one of the most two-way loyal relationships in the whole franchise, and definitely the tightest bond in this game.

Like in past games you had Seth for Ephraim and Erikia and Soren for Ike and it's not like Ike, Ephraim and Erikia and etc don't care, but it wasn't the same level, you know? But this is such a two way street.

And I'm so weak for bodyguard with a crush. Like Seth/Eirika? Yes. Geoffrey/Elincia? 100%. Riza/Roy (Fullmetal Alchemist) there again. I'm sure there's more, but those are my top ones. Even Merlin/Arthur sort of counts even if Arthur doesn't know Merlin's his bodyguard lol.

I need to read fanfic for these two. I really don't want to spoil anything, but I'm dying. They're both just so sweet, and I just really love their dynamic. I really want to do a write up on it once I get to the end of the game.

[genshin-garbage]

Regret and the Truth

Lumine falls for the distant alchemist, Albedo, but he doesn’t realize his feelings until it’s too late. He hurts her in a way he can’t undo and regret settles in his heart. Regret can be ignored for a while, but it always comes back.

When Lumine first saw the alchemist, her first thought was that he was really pretty. When they officially met, she found the rumors about his coldness to be unfounded. He was quite pleasant to work with and engaged in conversation avidly. Albedo wasn’t shy about asking questions about her nature as a traveler of worlds, and was curious about her biology. She initially chalked this up to being about his research, but as the questions became more and more personal, she couldn’t help but be curious about him in turn.

Over time, their talks started to resemble normal conversations people have to get to know each other. Questions like: what are your hobbies and what’s your hometown like. Lumine eventually forgot how insatiable his curiosity really is and came to consider him a close friend, later even developing feelings for him. She went to visit his camp on Dragonspine whenever she was free, and when she had to stop by the Knights of Favonius headquarters she always asked if he was there.

It didn’t take long for most of the knights to realize Lumine’s crush, Klee especially was excited as she wanted to see the honorary knight be happy with her big brother. Aside from Klee, the knights generally supported her. A few who were closer to Albedo however, were a bit hesitant and tried to steer her away from him. Sucrose and Timaus in particular tried to tell Lumine about his one-track mind, and how he has a hard time understanding normal emotions. However, Lumine’s feelings couldn’t be stopped and those who were reluctant do eventually stop trying to sway her.

There came a day when Lumine had finally worked up the courage to confess her feelings with the support of her friends (and maybe a little bit of alcohol). It was sunset and Albedo had been collecting research materials in Dragonspine, she was a bit tipsy and waiting for him in his lab.

“Hm? Lumine? What are you doing here?”

“Albedo I, I need to tell you something.”

“Yes?”

Lumine approaches him, she was too nervous to look him in the eyes. “I, I like you a lot!”

“Hmm, I see. Then I wonder…” He leans over and kisses her. Lumine doesn’t kiss back out of surprise but quickly leans into the kiss. Their hands roam each other's bodies as they kiss, feet taking them to the couch nearby. As Albedo lays her down on the sofa, he kisses her down her neck and leads the night in a more passionate direction.

Lumine wakes up naked next to Albedo. Her head stung a little but she remembers clearly what had transpired. She blushes hard, she felt there was a possibility of Albedo returning her affections but she didn’t expect the night to turn in that direction. It felt good though and she doesn’t regret it. He never properly said he liked her back however, which irked her a bit, but there was still time. She feels Albedo stir below her, one hand moving from her waist to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes.

“Mhmmm, good morning.” He sits up carefully so as to not push her off the couch.

“Good- good morning.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I feel great. A bit sore but I really enjoyed last night.”

“Nothing out of the ordinary? No changes anywhere?”

“No?” She hesitated, dread washing over her. “Last night, you never really told me how you felt.”

“About that, I don’t want you to misinterpret my actions. I was merely curious about your biology and how your kind reacts to romantic interest, nothing more. Perhaps if the results were different we could have continued this charade a bit longer, but they turned out to be the same as any average person in Teyvat.” He reaches over to grab his shirt from the floor. “Please excuse me, I have work to do and I must record the data from this experiment.”

Lumine shifted off him but remained silent, tears began to well up in her eyes as she felt her heart be torn to shreds by every word that came out of his mouth. To him she was nothing more than an experiment, a specimen in his research to find the truth to this world. She was had, used, and now was being discarded as if she was nothing. “So last night, my confession, it all meant nothing to you? All those times you called me beautiful, was it all a lie?”

“No, not entirely. You are attractive and your company is pleasant enough.” He puts on his clothing as he speaks, his tone disinterested and his face neutral. It was clear he didn’t care what happened next or how Lumine felt. “However, beyond my research I don’t feel the need to be anymore than acquaintances. It was simply convenient to use your attraction to get a better idea of how you work.”

“I see.” Her voice cracked and Albedo turned to look at her. Tears fell down her cheeks and a fake smile plastered on her face as she put on her clothing. “I’m- I’m glad that I was at least some use to you. I, uh, I need to go. Paimon must be wondering where I am. Goodbye.”

She rushes out the door leaving a surprised Albedo alone in the lab. While he did expect her to be upset, he didn’t expect her to still treat him with such kindness. He expected her to beat him screaming at him for playing with her emotions. He felt a tinge of regret before smothering it, there wasn’t time for regret in the pursuit of knowledge. It was a necessary step in getting the data he needed. Still, the hurt expression lingered in his mind as he planned out his new routine until the people of Mondtstadt forgot about this incident.

The next few weeks, Lumine was emotionally absent. It was hard not to notice how she robotically went through commissions, taking more of them as well as bounties. Paimon noticed that what little sleep she did get on a daily basis was cut from her schedule, and that she had started eating less. Whenever anyone asked what was wrong, she would always say that she was fine. They knew it had something to do with Albedo, but he was more elusive than usual. He was the last to come and first to leave during meetings, all of his experiments now took place in Dragonspine, and his time spent babysitting Klee was now spent studying the area around Star Snatched Cliff.

One night, they had finally had enough and managed to convince Diluc to let Lumine drink in hopes that some alcohol in her system would finally get her to tell them what was wrong. He agreed, and so Lisa, Jean, and Amber took Lumine out on a girls night out while Diluc manned the bar.

Lisa was the first to prod after Lumine was decently drunk. “So Lumine, What happened between you and Albedo? You haven’t asked about him in a long while. Did your confession not go well?”

“He- he doesn’t like me in that way. I’m nothing but a specimen in his research.” Lumine takes another long sip of her drink. “He said it himself, ‘beyond my research I don’t feel the need to become anything beyond acquaintances’.”

“I have a feeling that if he had simply rejected you, you wouldn’t be this upset.” Jean stated. “Something else happened between you two. You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, but as your friends we want to help you in any way we can.”

“Yeah! Like Jean said! We all hate seeing you all mopey and sad! If Albedo did anything to you I’ll make it my personal mission to set Barron Bunny on him!” Amber added, crossing her arms to exaggerate her point.

Lumine, touched by their words, and incredibly hammered at this point, began to cry. “Tha-thank you guys. I- after I confessed we spent the night together, it was consensual and I enjoyed it, but the morning after he admitted that he only slept with me as part of his research. I- I really thought he liked me back, but he used me! I feel like there’s something wrong with me! I feel so dumb for falling for him, Sucrose and Timaus even warned me! Am I just not good enough? I thought I had a chance, but I was so foolish for thinking I was good enough. Why would he fall for someone like me? I’m nothing but an outlander!”

The rest of her words become unintelligible babble and wails. Amber held her in a tight hug as she bawled her eyes out. Looks were shared between the three women and Diluc as a roaring rage began to burn in their eyes. How dare he use Lumine like this. How dare he play with her feelings, then cast her aside like a toy. Any sort of respect they had for the alchemist beyond his genius had dissipated in the wind.

It wasn’t long before everyone in Mondstadt knew what had happened. He found the increased difficulty in obtaining items in shops and finding people to assist him irritating but not unexpected. He didn’t care about the glares from adults, but the questions from Klee did sting.

“What did big brother do to big sis Lumine to hurt her feelings? Klee can go get Jean and see if she can help big brother make up with Lumine!”

“It’s ok Klee, I’m sure Jean and Lumine have better things to do.”

“But-”

“Klee, it's fine. How about you go play outside.”

“Ok…”

As Klee exited the lab, Sucrose came in. She had an anxious look and was fidgeting. “Master Albedo? Do you have a moment? I wish to speak to you about something.”

“Very well, what is it Sucrose?”

“Why- why did you do that to Lumine? There were other ways to get the data you wanted without hurting her. So why did you do it?”

“It was simply the most convenient way at the time, and the data I collected was easier to analyze since I didn’t have to rely on a third party. It was simply easier to get objective information.”

Sucrose clearly didn’t like that answer as her body tensed up and her face had a hurt expression. “I see. I’ll leave you be then. I won’t be available to assist you for a while. I hope your research was worth Lumine’s pain.”

She stormed off in a quiet rage and left Albedo alone in the lab. He seemed to be alone more, he attributed it to the lack of hands helping him but he knew deep down it was because Lumine wasn’t there anymore. For the second time, regret flared up in his heart before he smothers it again. If loneliness was a consequence of getting closer to the truth, then he shall make himself the loneliest man alive.

The month after the confrontation with Sucrose, he overhears that the traveler had returned from Liyue with someone. He pays this no mind until he sees her with the man himself. An ugly feeling rears its head as he sees her laughing and smiling with a green haired man. If Albedo hadn’t been so observant he would have thought the man to be annoyed by her presence, but he notices how soft his eyes look at her and how he stands in a position ready to protect her if anything were to suddenly happen. When the man pulls a fallen leaf out of her hair, the ugly feeling grips harder.

Before he can stop, he realizes that he’s walking towards them. It’s too late to turn around as they notice him. “Welcome back, Lumine. May I ask who this is?”

Lumine shifts uncomfortably in place, she turns to hide herself a little. “Oh, uh, hello. This is Xiao, Xiao this is Albedo.”

“Is he the one you’ve spoken about in the past?” Xiao’s expression has lost its softness as he looks at Albedo.

Lumine hesitates to answer the question, nervous of his reaction. “Yes… yes he is.” She grabs his arm when she sees him tense up. “Please don’t do anything, it’s in the past. I just want to forget it happened.”

“Hmph, fine.”

“I shall take my leave. Enjoy your stay in Mondstadt and a pleasure to meet you Xiao.”

“I cannot say likewise.” He growls.

As Albedo walks away, he sees in the reflection of a store window that Lumine had kissed Xiao on the cheek.  Flustered Xiao turns away, but not without holding her hand in return.

“That could have been me.” The thought stakes its claim in his mind. As much as he tries and tries, he can’t smother the feeling of regret in his heart. He loves Lumine, but he hurt her, and now he can never have her. When he turned into his lab, he sunk down onto his knees and truly let the feeling sink in. He was a genius but clearly he still had much to learn, he just wished he had realized sooner what his teacher truly meant when she told him to learn the truth to this world.

He closed his eyes and hoped that if he were to ever be reborn he wouldn’t make the same mistake again, then let the darkness consume him.

[everythingthemoontouches]

Hello

I love your blog, I'm Soy Pisces Venus/Venus in 12th house. I'm curious what details you could give me.

Thank you.

If you need additional information about me, feel free to let me know.

Hi

I can't help but feel like you sound a little entitled? What sign is your mercury in?

I feel like this is something I'd do too 😅

12th House Venus

We are gonna start with a movie for this one.

Language: hindi

The Spiritual Tecaher

Love guru / Dating coach

Spoiler alert at the bottom, but in the movie SRK coaches his students giving them music, life and live lessons. He is always there for his students when they need support and he is a force advocate for dissolving differences to come together as an act of love.

Key themes : Breaking Tradition for Love. Wisdom. Divine mastery of craft. Unity. Peace.

💕May lack tact. 😋

💕May not have received a lot of compliments for their looks growing up.

💕Could be really private about your relationship.or be prone to clandestine affairs. Could have a cheating / weed / alcohol / intoxication kink.

💕People may think they know you/ your relationship with your partner way better than they actually do. But you understand how sacred some things are and that you don't need to post your boo online.

💕Could have some trouble expressing love? You may feel things so deeply that it almost seems like a disservice to sully it with words.

I think what saves it is that venus is in pisces. It's sign of exaltation.

💕You're super accepting of people. With you Unconditional love is a given.There's this bollywood epic called Mohabbaetein where the lead consoles his childhood friend /crush saying ' if someone claims to love you / let them love you as you are/ accepting of all your idiosyncrasies / cause if they attempt to change (curate) your unique personality traits then its not really love. More of a trade'

Could be a little too forgiving.

You could have an instinctive understanding of what a person needs to feel loved.

People feel like they can be their real, vulnerable self around you. You make them feel accepted.

There could be a tendency to attract people with emotional/mental / addiction issues.

You could really romanticize the idea of love.

Venus in the 12th house shows your mom may have felt a little disconnected from those she loved during her pregnancy. Women's bodies go through such massive changes and it can be really hard in them emotionally too. Increased possibly of post natla depression.

Your type is creative, easy going spiritual and is in tune with the flow of the universe.

Your relationships require the depth of an ocean. A meeting of two souls. Purely carnal relationships could leave you feeling a bit disappointed if there is limited emotional connection.

I see Pisces as the most grown up sign. High vibrational Pisces venus is the kind of love that they talk about in soulmate romance. It's like your body and mind are completely in sync with your partners. Generous. Wise. Mystical. Think Jupiterian traits as Jupiter rules Pisces in traditional astrology.

Spoiler alert : the lead actor, SRK auditions to be a violin teacher at an esteemed Indian University for boys. The Principal is a man of tradition and it's heavily implied that the school is in a foreign country but his strict discipline is the reason they have been able to hold on to tradition as well as academic excellence. SRK convinces him to let him teach music citing holistic development. The movie deals with the issue of losing a spouse at the age of 19, widow hood, remarriage, interaction between sexes in a time where it was a lot more taboo. He guides 3 of his students on their love issues the principal obviously does not like his carefree approach. The students are advised to keep to their studies or they could risk the same fate as that one guy who was expelled and was denied admittance in every other institute as a result. It was basically the end to his career and no one knew what happened to him. Later on in the movie it is revealed that the violin teacher was the legend who had been expelled from the institution because the Principal had found out that SRK' s character had been dating the Principals daughter. Keep in mind that this movie was released in India in late 90's early 2000's when dating was a major no no in most circles.) When prompted to choose between her father and love, the daughter had opted to end her life instead.

It's a pretty good watch if you've got some time/ like song +dance routines

[reluctant-mandalore]

Because You’re You (Din Djarin x Reader)

Warnings: Fluff, established relationship, pinning/yearning (only a little at the start), reader is asexual, reader is  short, gender neutral pronouns used for the reader. Soft boyfriend Din. like very slight emotional hurt/comfort, its not super heavy or anything. Its pretty much just fluff. 

Word Count: 1,797

Pairing: Din Djarin x gn!Reader (reader is also short and asexual)

a/n: @remmyswritings​ Thank you for requesting! I’ve never written an asexual reader before so I hope I did the fic justice. I’m a bit nervous about it tbh, but I really do hope you enjoy. This fic mostly features Din being soft and affirming the fact that he loves the reader very much and them being asexual doesn’t change this. He’s just all around a lovely fluff ball with supporting them. 

The Mandalorian was always nervous about meeting new people. Over his years of bounty work, he had found that trust was a hard thing to come by. People were willing to stab you in the back without a second thought out there in the outer rim. So, it was safe to say that he was a little concerned when it came to meeting you for the first time.

Cara had vouched for you though, insisting that you were trustworthy and would do great with the kid. He was uneasy with the whole arrangement and was unsure of if he should even go to the meeting. Although, his trust for Cara and his need for someone to help him with the child had pushed him to go anyway. He knew that he should at least meet you before making up his mind on the matter, especially since you were a close friend of Cara’s.

When he did finally meet you, the first thing he noticed about you was how small you were compared to him. He practically towered over your own form, and he almost felt like a giant when standing before you that day. The next thing he noticed was your smile. It was one of the sweetest ones he had ever seen, dripping with kindness and brightening the room in an instant. Din had immediately known from that moment on that he never wanted to stop seeing that smile of yours.

Yes. Din Djarin—one of the most feared warriors in the Galaxy—had effectively begun to fall in love with you all thanks to a simple smile.

Overtime with you working on the Razor Crest, he had started to learn more about you and who you were as a person. He had seen how kind and patient you were, watching from afar as you looked after the child like he was your own. He admired your brilliance and found himself in awe at hearing you laugh. Everything about you was amazing in his eyes and each new thing he learned made him want to know more.

These discoveries had only solidified his growing feelings towards you, making his drop of infatuation develop into a full blown crush all too soon. He had found himself feeling things he had never felt before for another person—things he thought he wouldn’t ever feel.

At first your affection between one another came in small waves. Sometimes it was only a simple brush of the fingers or a touch of the shoulder. Other times it was a gentle compliment or flirtatious praise. Each one allowing your feelings for one another to grow more and more with every passing day.

Admittedly, he wasn’t the greatest with flirting, and at times he felt awkward when he tried to flirt with you. He had never really had the chance to experience a love like this—one that was soft and kind—making it completely foregin to him. Although, he had found himself desperately craving it and he wanted to confess these feelings of his to you. He wanted to be with and loved by you more than anything, though he never thought it would ever happen.

Stuff like that just didn’t happen for a man like himself.

Eventually Din had let it slip by mistake the one day. He had said it so simply and nonchalantly that he hadn’t even caught himself saying it. The realization of his accidental confession only came to be, when you had stared at him in shock and questioned him on what he had just said. Instantly, his cheeks had warmed with a blush, the next words leaving him turning into a muddled heap. He had tried to back track on what he had said, afraid of having just ruined the still developing relationship between you two.

Though the smile you wore on your face had made him pause his frantic rambling. Soon finding himself once again feeling lost while gazing at your captivating smile. His trance only breaking when the words that had left you caused for his own smile to form on his cheeks.

“Din I love you too.”

From there on out, you two were a couple through and through. Nothing could ever seem to get in between you two. You both were supportive with one another, and always seemed to have the other person's back. The relationship you had together appeared to be a perfect one, and it was something he cherished everyday.

Well, that was until he had noticed you suddenly acting differently around him.

Din could tell something was on your mind. He could see it in how you walked and noticed it in your unfocused gaze. You had started to look away from him in passing, sometimes avoiding him all together, your usual bright smile now missing completely.

The sight of you so down had made him feel worried and concerned. He didn’t like seeing you so upset all the time and he wanted you to feel comfortable enough with telling him things. Although, he really had no idea of how to bring this up to you, as he wasn’t well versed when it came to addressing these types of things.

For most of his life, he hadn’t been the most emotionally invested person. He had built up walls around himself, choosing to lock away his feelings in order to protect what was left of his already shattered heart. So when it came to talking or comforting someone, he found himself at a loss of words, unsure of what to say or what to do.

So, he didn’t say anything, instead choosing to comfort you through small gestures. Sometimes it was something simple, like buying your favourite snack at the market or leaving little notes for you around the ship. Other times it was through him taking the child off your hands for the day, or even staying in bed a little longer to cuddle with you in the morning.

Din knew that when you were ready to talk to him that you would. It didn’t matter how long he had to wait. All that mattered to him was you feeling comfortable and ready when you did. Until then, he would continue to support you the best way he could and knew how to.

“Din?” your quiet voice spoke to him one day, briefly pulling his attention away from the crate he had been rummaging through, “I need to tell you something.”

Hearing those words from you had instantly caused the man to completely pause what he was doing, turning to give you his full attention, “of course cyar’ika, what is it?”

Din had watched silently as you shifted awkwardly on the spot. His fingers twitching with the need to cup your cheek and comfort you away from whatever was currently clouding your mind. His heart had ached at your worried expression, and he soon found himself taking a step towards you, only to pause again when you had finally spoken again.  

“I’m asexual.” You had said, biting your lip as you did,  “I… it means that I don’t feel a need to have sex.”

Din had blinked in surprise, tilting his head in wonder as he continued to stare at you silently. He wasn’t expecting for you to say something like that in the slightest, though he felt a bubble of relief roll through him at the realization of your words.  

“Is that what you’ve been worried about lately?”

“Yes? I mean… of course I was worried!” You said, tears forming at the corner of your eyes, “I was scared that you’d want to break up or leave me because of it.”

“I would never leave you over something like this!” Din had said quickly, his heart dropping at your words and at the sight of the tears leaving you, “I love you more than anything! I would never even consider ending things over this.”

“Really? So you don’t mind?”  

“Why would I mind?” he said, titling his head as he looked down at you again, “I mean… You being asexual doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

“I… Din are you sure?”

“I’m more than sure.” He affirmed, taking your hands in his as he spoke, “Cyar’ika you’re one of the most important people in my life. I don’t know what I would ever do without you. You’re the most beautiful and wonderful person I know. And I love every bit of you. From your laugh, to your smile, and everything in between. I… Cyar’ika what I’m trying to say is that I love you because you’re you.”

“Really?”

Din had nodded, smiling softly beneath the helmet and brushing away some of your tears, “You being asexual doesn’t change who you are to me, nor does it change the fact that I love you. Cyar’ika you are everything to me and I only wish for you to be comfortable and happy.”

After those words he had pressed his forehead against yours, more small praises leaving his lips in hushed whispers as he did. His compliments were like music to your ears, his soft voice becoming a blanket of love and affection that held you close in its warmth. A few more tears had fallen from your eyes as you felt yourself relax in his arms, allowing for yourself to be swept away in his soothing presence.

“I’m glad you told me.” He had said, pulling back slightly to lock his gaze properly with your own, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide those things from me. We’re partners and I’m always going to be here to support you Cyar’ika.”

Hearing his words had brought a small smile to your face, and you sniffled quietly while looking up at him, “Thank you Din, for always being so kind and being there for me.”

“You don’t need to thank me cyar’ika,” He said lovingly, as his one hand moved to cup your cheek to brush his thumb against your skin again, “I love you so much and I’m just happy to have you in my life.”

In an instant you had thrown your arms around him, hugging him tightly and burying your face into his chest, “I love you too Din, and I’m happy to have you in my life as well.”

The Mandalorian had hummed in response now, his arms wrapping around you again as he rested his chin on the top of your head. He had held you like that for a while, allowing for the whispers of sweet praises and comforting words to leave his modulator once more. The rest of the evening would be spent with you two together, happy and excitedly looking forward to what the future held for the both of you as a couple.

----

[filmmakerdreamst]

How Xena: Warrior Princess Allowed Me To Accept Myself

I was living in a city all alone and these two characters showed me that it was ok for two women to love each other.

In order to understand the following story, there’s something you need to know about me. I have always loved fiction. From the age of about 5 to 11, I loved books more than I loved people. I was a shy child who found it easier to emotionally engage with fictional worlds than the real one around me.

See, fictional worlds are created for your brain’s enjoyment. Their rules make sense. Events happen for a reason. The narrator tells you why characters behave the way they do, allowing you to empathize with them on a deep emotional level. Easy to understand, easy to identify with, easy to love.

But real people are complicated. The real world is complicated. And things are seldom laid out nicely in a coherent narrative format for you. Real things are much harder to love.

This emotional disengagement continued from the age of 11 onwards, although it was no longer as pronounced. My habit of retreating into fiction would fade during good times and come back in force during difficult or stressful periods. During the stressful periods of college, the rise of Netflix allowed me to become certifiably obsessed with my favorite TV shows. And naturally, I joined Tumblr in order to more easily fangirl with people who shared my interests.

Only for some peculiar reason that I didn’t care to examine, my interests were slowly gravitating towards girl-girl couples. Soon I was shipping, reblogging, and reading fanfiction almost exclusively about female couples. But I, who had always considered myself straight despite lacking interest in the boys around me, didn’t think this meant that I was gay. I probably just found female couples more emotionally satisfying. I was friends with mostly women, I was a woman myself, so it was natural that I just understood them better. Yeah, that was probably it.

Fast-forward to nine months ago. I was living in Boston and incredibly depressed about it. My job and my boss were making my life miserable and I had very few people to socialize with. I was making the rough transition from the constant socialization of college to the isolating pressure of a city where I had few connections. My days and nights were some of the loneliest I had ever experienced. I looked for something, anything, to lift the heart-crushing emotional silence.

My solution was the same one I always chose when I was dissatisfied with the real world; obsession with a new TV show. And thanks to my femslash-focused tumblr community, I knew just what my next feel-good show was going to be.

My tumblr friends had told me this: Xena: Warrior Princess is an action-fantasy show that enjoys a cult status, much like Buffy: The Vampire Slayer (which I watched and loved). The two shows were made in the same mid-to-late 90's era, with similar bad special effects and endearing campiness. But XWP is much… MUCH… more gay.

That was about all I knew about the show going in. And amazingly, that was all I needed to know to be excited about watching it. You’d think that fact would have told me something about myself, but no. The mental walls of denial were years in the building and needed more force than that to be shattered.

For anyone unfamiliar with the show’s premise, Xena: Warrior Princess is about the title character and her quest for redemption. You see, Xena did some bad things in her previous life on another show (Hercules: The Legendary Journeys). In her storied career as a warlord, she committed such petty crimes as genocide, the slaughter of innocents, that kind of thing. But now she has seen the light and wants to atone for her crimes. Except she can never undo the terrible things she did. All Xena can do now is help people on a day-to-day basis and hope that it’s enough for someone to show her mercy.

Which is already fantastic from a character standpoint. But there is a secret mirror to Xena’s journey that is not reflected in the show’s title, and that is Gabrielle and her character arc.

Oh! Gabrielle! When I met her in the very first episode, I loved her straightaway. She is a feisty, naive, talkative small-town girl who accompanies Xena on all her adventures. Her character quickly assumes paramount importance in the narrative. Gabrielle is Xena’s only friend. She comes to know her better than anyone else and love her for who she is, all the while believing Xena can reach redemption. Yet Gabrielle is not just a support system for Xena; she goes on her own heroic journey. The two character arcs intertwine and co-develop in a way I have never seen in any show before or since.

As each episode rolled by and their relationship grew in complexity, I found myself more and more engrossed. And I came to realize: this was something I wanted. The day I accepted my own desire was the day I accepted myself. What could be more strangling than denying the existence of your own feelings? Yet I had been doing this to myself for years — cutting off the possibility of being attracted to other women — without even realizing.

Before beginning the show, I thought the fandom had read in between the lines to construct a romantic relationship between the two characters, the same way as femslash shippers do in all other TV shows. Except not this time. This one is mind-blowingly different.

Not only does the narrative place utmost importance on the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle, but the actresses bring such multi-dimensional love to their parts. When I saw Lucy Lawless (Xena) and Renee O’Connor (Gabrielle) interact, I could so easily believe that these two women loved each other beyond friendship. Xena and Gabrielle display every kind of love you can think of. They protect and sacrifice for each other. They tease and flirt. They cuddle and console. They have inside jokes with each other. They dance sexily. They play pranks and drive each other crazy. They sweetly kiss. They come back from the dead together. They bathe together. They raise each other’s children. They meet in alternate timelines and fall in love all over again.

I could have left my mental walls of denial in place. I could have said to myself “oh yes, I want this. But with a guy.” But no. Lawless and O’Connor’s incredibly attractive faces and bodies broke down the door of my mental closet. Precisely because they were fictional, I felt safe to admit my attraction to them. One of the key mental blocks I had always had towards accepting any attraction towards other women was the thought that I was being creepy. That since they could not possibly feel the same way about me, it was wrong to feel the way I did. But in my mind, that barrier didn’t exist with fictional characters. They couldn’t feel anything for me. Therefore, it was fine to feel whatever I want about them.

The walls cracked. The water came rushing in. Oh my god. I am attracted to other women. Like, every day of my life. Those flickers in my stomach when I talk to an attractive female coworker suddenly make a whole lot of sense now. I now saw my historical awkwardness when talking to beautiful girls, which I always dismissed as “me being weird”, for what it was. All those short-term girl crushes on older girls throughout high school. How was I so sure they were platonic? That heart-aching infatuation I had with my best friend that lasted for years? Yeah, add that to the ‘definitely gay’ list.

Since then I’ve realized that my feelings are valid regardless of what others feel for me. Just because feelings are unrequited doesn’t mean they aren’t real. That’s what Xena and Gabrielle taught me. Their fictional example was the final blow to my rapidly-crumbling resistance to the idea of homosexuality.

In our culture today, so many forms of media reinforce heteronormativity. How many commercials have you seen that assume attraction between a man and a woman? How many billboards tell women that they need to look sexy for the men in their lives? How many times has a movie ended with the guy getting the girl? It’s the combined action of a thousand small rocks shifting to make a cultural avalanche. You can’t move against it. All you can do is stand still and try to maintain your footing against the current, to maintain your identity in the face of a world where you and people like you are often swept away by the mainstream.

Xena: Warrior Princess is one of those rare stories that dares to go against the grain. It celebrates a romantic relationship between two women as the most natural thing in the world. And in doing so, it provides a mirror for me and people like me to recognize themselves in. There we are. Look at us fly.

This story isn’t over yet. I still have a lot of work to do to accept myself, but thanks to Xena and Gabrielle I’ve taken one huge step towards living the open life I want to live. I moved on from that horrible job and lonely city, but in the end I’m grateful. Grateful that circumstances pushed me to the depths of loneliness necessary to bring down the prison I had built in my own mind.

- How Xena: Warrior Princess Allowed Me To Accept Myself by Lyra Hall

[skullsandwineglasses]

Ancient Love Poetry (2021) - Episodes 1-3 First Impressions

This is not bad so far. I’ve seen a lot of mixed reactions about this drama, but it’s actually pretty decent. I heard that it’s being ripped apart by audiences in China, but some people on reddit mentioned that the drama is actually good, but people are just critical of Zhou Dongyu and Xu Kai. AvenueX was skeptical of the drama, but I find that her reviews of xianxia dramas can be kinda harsh. The drama hasn’t finished airing yet so there aren’t many ratings and reviews on MDL, but the drama currently has an 8.3 on there, which I think is a pretty decent rating even though it’s likely to change as more people finish the drama. Most of the dramas that I’ve enjoyed also average at around an 8.3 on MDL. 

Plot

The plot is pretty fast-paced. The leads develop feelings for each other really early on. The opening does a good job of establishing the personalities of the characters and drawing you into the story. A drama will successfully draw me in if it raises enough questions and establishes enough plot points to make me curious to see what will happen next.

The FL has a different background from the FLs in other xianxia dramas. Shang Gu is destined to become the leader of the 4 realms, but she’s been spoiled by her guardians Zhi Yang and Tian Qi, so her powers are underdeveloped. The FLs in other xianxia dramas tend to start off as a nobody/underdog, but Shang Gu starts off as the most highly regarded figure in the realm. She’s basically a princess. Her guardians are played by Li Ze feng and Liu Xue Yu respectively, and they’ve always had such strong performances as supporting characters in other dramas, so it was a pleasant surprise seeing them both here. Their characters have great brotherly chemistry, and they provide comedic relief. 

The ML is your stereotypical stoic, brooding, emotionally suppressed, and powerful immortal. He has no interest in women, that is until he’s tasked by Zhi Yang and Tian Qi to be Shang Gu’s mentor in order to help her unlock her powers. All the women in the immortal realm crush over him, but he couldn’t give a rat’s ass about it. Very typical. 

Chemistry

The ML and FL’s relationship reminds me of Bai Zhi Hua and Hua Qian Gu’s teacher-student relationship in Journey of Flower, which was the first xianxia drama that I watched. But, unlike Journey of Flower, Bai Jue and Shang Gu are less like teacher-student, but more like bickering enemies who eventually develop feelings for each other. 

My issue is that they develop feelings for each other too soon. And so I don’t really feel much chemistry between them, even though I want to. Bai Jue teaches her a few moves, helps her unlock her inner powers, they accidentally touch and get too close physically, and bam, feelings start to form. These are immortals who are thousands of years old. How are they able to develop feelings so easily and quickly? Especially Bai Jue who’s know by everyone to be lofty, emotionless, and misogynistic? 

There was only one moment when they were able to emotionally bond, and that was when Bai Jue misunderstood Shang Gu. Shang Gu was trying to fulfill the challenge he gave her, but he mistakenly thought that she was greedy. When he realized he misunderstood her, he began to soften towards her. But this event alone wasn’t convincing enough to make me believe that someone as cold as he is could fall for a spoiled and obnoxious girl like Shang Gu. 

They could have made it so that his character secretly enjoys Shang Gu’s loud antics because it makes his home more lively. That’s usually how they do it in other xianxia dramas where the bubbly FL is the manic pixie dream girl who uproots the ML’s quiet lifestyle and he falls for her against his better judgment. But no, they don’t do that in Ancient Love Poetry, so Bai Jue falling for Shang Gu felt forced. 

Acting

I’ve loved Zhou Dongyu since seeing her in the 2010 film Under the Hawthorn tree. But because I’ve seen people criticize her in Ancient Love Poetry, I was prepared to be disappointed. But honestly, it’s not that bad. Even her costuming isn’t that bad. She’s not impressive, but then again, it’s not an impressive or complex role. A lot of actresses are capable of playing her type of character, and a lot of actresses already have. But Zhou Dongyu delivers, and she does well with what she’s given. 

Xu Kai isn’t terrible, but he could definitely be better. Like what I mentioned above, his character is the stereotypical xianxia ML. And so there have been plenty of actors before him who have shown how to portray a cold, stoic, and resistant character who’s slowly moved by the FL: Cheng Yi in Love and Redemption, Wallace Huo in Journey of Flower (although he also got a lot of flack at the time for being expressionless), and Chang Chen in Love and Destiny. The key to playing this kind of ML is that you’re emotionally suppressed, which means that you try to be emotionless, but there are moments when you can’t hide your emotions and they break to the surface. It’s all about the internal struggle where you pretend to act one way but feel another. As an actor, you need to be able to convey subtle and nuanced microexpressions that reveal how your character truly feels. 

Granted, Bai Jue is a little different from Bai Zhi Hua and Sifeng who forbade themselves from falling in love, but Bai Jue is more like Jiu Chen and Ye Hua who just have never known love before and is now experiencing it for the first time. But for all of these MLs, the common thread is that they undergo a change in character. In these first 3 episodes of Ancient Love Poetry, we keep being told by other characters in the drama how Bai Jue has changed “so much” since agreeing to mentor Shang Gu, but I don’t see this change in Xu Kai’s portrayed of Bai Jue. 

On reddit, I’ve mentioned how I've seen Xu Kai in The Legends and Arsenal Military Academy and IMO, Xu Kai doesn't really do well in roles where he has to be stoic and emotionally reserved. But he did really well in AMA where his character was a flirty, spoiled rich kid who eventually matures during his time at the academy, and it made me realize that he's capable of acting when given the right opportunity. His character was full of life and the complete opposite of his character in The Legends. He can be really expressive when his character warrants it, but when the character is supposed to be brooding, he doesn't bring enough nuance to his expressions and instead defaults to being flat and unmoving.

I also feel that Xu Kai’s performance was a little better in The Legends than in Ancient Love Poetry, but then again, I’ve only seen 3 episodes of ALP. I don’t know if it’s because his costar was Bai Lu and he felt more comfortable with her, or if it’s because Bai Jue is a character who’s supposed to be old, experienced, and wise, and Xu Kai is still too young to pull off that kind of role. He also looks incredibly young. He’s my age, and I’m just in awe of how clear his skin is and how it still looks like he has some baby fat. I’m also not a fan of his costuming. I like how Zhou Dongyu’s hair frames her face to make her look more delicate, but Xu Kai’s wig seems to flatten his head. I also think he looks better in dark robes like in The Legends, or his leather trenchcoat in AMA. He looked more rugged. But his white clothes in Ancient Love Poetry takes away from his character’s demeanor as a powerful immortal, and unlike Wallace Huo who’s older and thus is able to pull off dainty and delicate white robes, Xu Kai’s baby face doesn’t really pair well with it. 

Other notes:

The CGI is probably some of the better CGI that I’ve seen to date, and I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty impressed. Objects magically appear and disappear almost seamlessly, and characters teleport smoothly. 

Still waiting for the OST to come into full effect. It probably won’t happen until later in the drama when there’s more angst and emotion, but I also find it weird that they don’t have an opening theme? It’s just Zhou Shen singing some vocal effects, but no actual song. 

Overall, I’m going to keep watching. I’m a sucker for xianxia, and I love comparing the similarities and differences between different dramas, so I’m looking forward to seeing how this goes and whether it’s as bad as people say it is. 

[lady-byleth]

My friend, I want to hear more of your opinion regarding the questionable how-did-we-get-here relationship between Soushi, Kazuki, and Maya. I actually had fun watching Maya crushing on Kazuki in S1 and to an extent in Exodus. Then there's the canonical ship tease between Soushi and Maya, which is IMO flimsily written? (They had a stronger chemistry in S1). I don't know where I'm going with this. All I know is that everything derailed the moment Maya's characterization shifted.

I have a lot of thoughts about this, though full disclosure, I haven't watched The Beyond cuz everything past the movie is just...no.

If you ask me, the ship tease between Soushi and Maya doesn't work whatsoever because in season 1 she vaguely resents him and treats him like the number 1 reason for Kazuki's problems. Which, in her defense, isn't necessarily wrong but disregards a lot of his own problems

She isn't downright nasty to him but she is very clearly aware of the fact that Kazuki cares about Soushi more than anyone else and while she doesn't like that she knows getting Soushi to stop being so cold would help Kazuki mentally a lot, which she doesn't like cuz she'd prefer being that person for him herself but she's emotionally mature enough to put those two fools first

Meanwhile every canon piece of media ever has made it a point to mention that Soushi also cares about Kazuki more than anyone, especially post reconciliation in season 1 and their connection in the movie, and past Heaven and Earth he repeatedly implies that he knows he won't be around for long, especially in late Exodus. He doesn't make it a secret that he won't survive the season and actually makes an effort to build up Kazuki's support system for him, including Maya.

And since he was also fully prepared to die for the island as early as season 1, him suddenly giving clumsy hints towards Maya makes zero sense, especially when they already established a much deeper emotional connection to Kazuki as early as the first episodes of the series.

From my perspective, Maya giving up on Kazuki because he's more focused on Soushi and Soushi pushing them together cuz he knows Kazuki will need someone who cares once he's gone is more in line with their personalities and their previous characterization

Maya still being in love with Kazuki and just not pursuing it is very much something she would do cuz she never puts herself first, never has. That's shown as early on as her friendship with Shouko.

Kazuki never showed any interest in girls whatsoever, and even when he figured out Shouko liked him in the novel he didn't even see her as an option, so if they actually show something developing with Maya that'd be weird

Soushi doesn't know what being selfish means unless it comes to Kazuki so him showing interest in Maya is also weird cuz of how one track his mind is concerning Kazuki

The love triangle being Kazuki -> Soushi -> Maya -> Kazuki is weird when you consider their behavior and characterization for most of the series.

It being Maya -> Kazuki <-->Soushi while Soushi keeps himself back because of the circumstances of his return and impending death to instead instead try and push Maya and Kazuki together makes more sense

Idk if that what you wanted to hear but that's how I view it. Again, haven't watched The Beyond cuz everything after the movie has just been...kinda meh, especially when they began pushing the Kazuki and Soushi dynamic to the background and even forgot that Kazuki would lose his goddamn mind if Soushi jumped in front of a gun of him in season 1

Just...remember his reaction to Idun kidnapping Soushi? Kazuki thought he was dead and BEGGED HIS FATHER to let him go on a suicide mission to get revenge? He even outright compares his feelings to what his father felt when Akane died. Remember that? Cuz I sure do.

Everything less than that level of devotion is ooc and not my Kazuki

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

This is totally cool, lol! That's why I tagged you, I like different perspectives 🥰 and I adore lesbian Jenny

I've been thinking a lot about Jenny's character and sexuality lately since I'm in the middle of rewatching the show. I totally agree that she's attracted to women and most times she pursues guys it's mainly to increase social status and not because of genuine interest. Nate always felt different to me, though. Like, the two times she really pursues him is in season 2, when she's being homeschooled and trying to make it as a designer, and the end of season 3, which is after the whole Damien drama and she's just looking for someone who cares about her and respects her (I know you said once that it doesn't even feel romantic here, which I also agree with, poor girl just needs a connection). I do really see how it can be interrupted as comphet, though. Like she feels like she's supposed to be attracted to Nate because who wouldn't be?

I think the reason why I lean the other way is probably just projection. Jenny's been my favourite GG character since I first watched the show when I was 12, partly because I relate a lot to her, and since I'm bisexual... Add that plus the fact that I totally have had a crush on Nate and of course I'm gonna ship them. I've been relating to Jenny even more this time around cause I dropped out of school this year, so her season 2 arc really hit close to me. So this made my jenate feelings come back tenfold and also made me that much madder at Rufus, lol. I just wanted to go through the screen and shake his shoulders like "There are other paths than the one you want your daughter to have, not everyone has to go through life like society expects you to let your daughter carve out her own unconventional path you fucking idiot!" Luckily my parents have been way more supportive.

Mainly I just see Jenny as bi with a strong lean towards women, but I like to think about lesbian Jenny, too. It wouldn't exactly be the first time I had contradicting headcanons.

I don't know I just think it's really cool that different people can have such different interpretations of the same character. I think that's what's so interesting about fiction, to see how we view things differently depending on how we view and relate to things based on our own experiences. Tumblr can be so focused on hating people who disagree with you, but I like following people with different opinions, it helps me understand people better.

Yeah, I'm glad you tagged me!! back in November, some anons were mean to me about shipping Jenate (me??? who literally does not even - anyway) and ever since then I've been trying extra to ensure that Jenate shippers feel welcome on my blog - you may already know this, because I've brought it up before, but I'm saying it here to let you know that every time you tag me in your Jenate edits I get so happy that you're sharing something you're so passionate about with me!! I'm also a big believer of like........ making the content you want to see (a big part of why I even learnt to gif is because nobody was giffing Dan & Nate, and I was like...... that's the content I need, so if it's not already existing, I'm gonna make it happen!) so regardless of my feelings it's always so cool to see the way you conceptualise JN + their feelings re: each other, and your choice of scenes + lyrics (??? I'm not actually familiar with where you got the words for your edits, they're likely songs I haven't heard, haha) is just so interesting & good!

OH my full Jenny & Nate feelings are a lot more complicated than just comphet on Jenny's part. I feel like..... neither of them was romantically/sexually into each other? and that is kind of the appeal to me? I've always interpreted Nate's interest in Jenny during the s2 arc as sort of like - everything in his life is so unstable and undetermined, and here is Jenny who is so clear on who she is and what she wants, and he admires and respects that, and he wants to be there for her and support her, so when she kisses him he just sort of lets her take their dynamic wherever she wants to? that is very much the vibe I got. You already know how I feel about lesbian Jenny, I mean, you quoted my meta right back at me :'))

but I DO agree with you that Nate is different from the other guys to Jenny. JN have this really specific kind of honesty to them - well, when Jenny wasn't spiralling and trying to get power and acting out, and when the writers actually cared? I still think that NJ had the potential to be a SOLID dynamic but the writers made it sorta unhealthy on the show :(( - but I've spoken abt moments like in seventeen candles and the empire strikes jack before, where they're both able to be emotionally vulnerable around each other in ways we don't see them be with anyone else. I've even compared that to what I like about Derena, whom everyone knows I ship in every possible way, haha. But there's something about characters who trust each other and allow themselves to be honest with each other in ways that they wouldn't otherwise EVER be - especially with characters like Jenny & Nate who have spent so long trying to seem fine and okay even when they're really not.

I honestly really like the idea of queerplatonic Jenate - they're life partners, they're each other's rock, they're each other's person - but it's not romantic OR sexual - and for Nate & Jenny, whose adolescence has involved navigating other people sexualising them so much + not having the best track record with romantic relationships - for them, I feel being qpps gets REALLY interesting, because you get all the perks of a relationship without the romantic/sexual obligations? (obligations isn't the best word, but i don't know what else to use here? LOL) and that's something i love to explore.

I feel like book Jenny was bi! The way she gushed about Nate, whom she canonically had a crush on, and the way she gushed about Serena were EXACTLY the same. Also YES I love multiple headcanons always, it's a lot of fun seeing people explore that!!! I know people who have aroace readings of Jenny, or aro lesbian / ace lesbian readings of her, and I find that really cool, too!

I also definitely get you about relating to Jenny a lot, and feeling that kind of connection. It's similar to how I feel about Dan, and .... explains a lot of my contradicting dair views, actually. A few years ago I had a seriously intense crush on a girl who was... a lot like Blair, in many ways. I spent a ridiculous amount of time writing poetry about her, etc etc, but I never actually acted on it. If she'd fabricated schemes that involved us kissing, though..... I don't know. I don't think I would've denied it if I'd felt like I actually had a chance. I think we just had a case of bad timing, & I like to think in another universe, maybe we were actually together for a bit. I'm glad that your parents are supportive of you and better than Rufus! <3

I think that's what's so interesting about fiction, to see how we view things differently depending on how we view and relate to things based on our own experiences <- THIS exactly! this is a big part of why that "proship" is in my bio. like this is exactly what it means to me and how I conceptualise & understand it!!! Like you, I also like engaging with people who have different understandings and opinions of the characters -> it definitely helps you make new friends you would otherwise not meet by staying in your bubble, & from a fandom point of view, it also helps you develop a more nuanced understanding of a character. Some of the best written Jenny Humphrey I've read was in Jenate fics - and I've had people who don't even ship Blenny tell me they liked the way I wrote Jenny in my post canon blennyfic, so... idk. it's loving Jenny hours - each and every single iteration of Jenny!!!

[bigsteeb]

this is gonna be a long post so bear with me, growing pains got a b i g emotional reaction out of me & I need to share my thoughts & feelings about it because jesus fucking christ.

ok first things first, someone hug this boy immediately. he’s sat in his room, still in his pajamas, in day time watching dog copter. this whole scene is just steven going “lol I’m sad, I’m gonna comfort eat & stay in my pajamas & watch a kids show I watched when I wasn’t as sad haha” & it’s not only upsetting, but relatable too fuck. his room is a mess along with him eating ice cream at what I assume is morning… making it his breakfast? geez steven. also idk if it’s just me here but in this shot he looks… bigger? like ignoring his body size shifting later on in the episode he looks a lot wider than he usually does when paul & drew board episodes to me, he’s rivalling etienne & maya’s steven’s wideness. did he… get chubbier from comfort eating? how much time has passed since together forever for him to put on weight if he has? this could literally just be steven slouching or his pajamas making him look bigger but as someone who is an advocate for the body positivity shown in su & suf it has me curious. I want to hug this soft, sad boy. It could also be due to how steven’s design fluctuates through the animation process, it’s never really on model all the time. 

the grunting noise he makes in this scene is very distressing, as are other moments from the episode too. a glimpse at the glow-bracelet he proposed to connie with is enough to physically pain him? fuck me man. is he leaving his room where there’s already ice cream… to get more ice cream? sobs. also the puns in this shot. I cant? slow burn?! you’re evil crewniverse. not to mention his body size changing throughout this scene, god this poor lad.

screams, this was when I started worrying. the boy is now in an environment he has never been in before & is feeling extremely uncomfortable & vulnerable. look at the lines under his eyes, his sad eyebrows & pout I hate it. also don’t even get me started on this part. the slight raise of a voice being enough to send him into panic?! fuck I hate how much I relate to that. 

here’s where I immediately broke, no god damn pun intended. seeing steven’s skeleton, steven’s fucking skull, like this pained me. that crack on his skull is from fucking jasper in jail break. I can’t express all of the visceral emotions that were going through my body at this. there was intense sadness for steven, extreme anger at jasper & the gems for allowing shit like this to happen to him. turns out he’s not as resilient as we thought he was. each hit he takes physically breaks him & then his gem instantly heals his wounds, my heart fucking broke at this. think back to everything that happened to him, everything that physically hurt him. it broke him I can’t deal with it! then there’s what priyanka says to steven next;

“you seem to of made a series of miraculous recoveries, but that doesn't change the fact that you experienced trauma. you’ve recovered physically but, have you recovered mentally?”

this part here along with her reassuring him that there’s nothing wrong with his brain, how childhood trauma can have an impact on how your body responds to stress & how you act in your social life, the usage of the word “cortisol” too. this stuff being in a children's tv show is incredible. the writing for priyanka describes trauma simply enough for kids to understand, but for adults to fully realise too. folks, steven has ptsd. there wasn't one bit of sugarcoating about it or nothing, this is canon fact & it hurts me. for so long have I wanted steven’s emotional issues to be alked about, to not only be brought to steven’s attention but to the audience’s too.

everything that has happened to him has built up to this moment. this moment where his behaviour & coping methods are finally making sense to a large majority of the fandom, & to steven himself. he’s hurting; physically, mentally & emotionally, & he isn’t coping well what so ever about it. his emotional support system is complete garbage, no one regularly checks in on him & folks just take steven at face value like “oh yea glowing pink? he’s fine it’s just steven” but he’s the bad person?! I hope a lot of you out there who genuinely believe steven is a bad person re-think yourselves after this. dealing with trauma is tough as shit. some days you even wonder if that one thing that fucked you up is really worth being labelled as trauma. I still can’t believe this is the route they’re taking, if he doesn’t get some form of therapy by the end of future I’ll be furious.

then things begin to spiral as he remembers what happened with connie. he clutches his chest in pain & begins changing size over intense amounts of stress & it was extremely distressing to watch. steven immediately reassures connie that this isn’t because of her, but because of everything else that happened to him. however. I believe that that’s a slight lie, he wouldn’t of spiralled if he hadn’t of remembered the proposal, steven you fucking himbo. he continues to reassure them both that he’s fine, just that he needs them to leave so he can calm himself enough to control himself.

then this happens.

“I. CAN’T. BE AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW!”

this was fucking intense. he means this literally in 2 ways btw. his body size shifting over the stress he’s feeling is a danger to both connie & priyanka in this moment, but it’s also because of how it started. being around connie hurts him. he’s not mad at her though let me make that very clear, just that thinking about what happened when he tired to propose to her is sending his head in a fritz. he did what he did full of confidence in together forever, for connie to then make him realise how silly he was being. these two are destined for each other, but that advice from ruby & sapphire has really fucked with him. he looks up to those 2, looks up to garnet, their relationship is so strong & stable. for them to give him that advice & to then scream “DO IT!” in his face is incredibly tasteless imo.

then greg gets here. I knew connie was calling for either greg or the gems when she was on her phone as she left the room, fuck yea connie I love you. the breathless, strained “thank you” from steven towards connie for calling his dad? g o d. connie telling him she’ll be there for him when he’s ready?! g o d. these next boards were done by rebecca, I knew immediately when I saw steven’s face. it makes sense that rebecca boarded these, because fuck. 

how do I move on from all of the stuff I’ve been through? how do I live life if it always feels like I’m about to die!?

I’m tearing up as I type this. when I first heard the leak of this audio I so badly wanted to believe it, but to also believe it was fake too. I was an emotional mess off & on for about 3 days over it because I couldn't stop thinking about how fucking distressing it was. like… shit steven. he seriously feels this. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain he felt just saying this in front of his fucking dad. he is hurting badly. this boy, this sweet sweet boy we’ve watched grow & develop into the person he is today is distraught about his future & life. it is… soul crushing to watch this. a group of friends of mine have found joking about the episode as a form of coping with the intensity of it & as much as that’s valid as fuck, any joke coming from this episode feels morally wrong to me. I can’t bring myself to join in it feels terrible even thinking about laughing at it to cope. I love them all, but I can’t bare myself to join them. this moment ending with greg comforting steven, telling him he’s here for him & all of his struggles, got me weeping. greg is possible the best father figure I’ve seen on tv, let alone a kids tv show. he’s amazing.

the final scene right here is lovely. greg making steven a hot chocolate & listening to him vent, reassuring him over his worry for his future. this right here is exactly what steven needs. someone to talk to, someone he could trust to talk about his feelings to. this the start of his support system, tag on peri from in dreams, bis in bismuth casual as well as connie from the past few episodes & it’s already looking great! even when greg eased him about being there for him steven still feels guilty about him leaving his tour, leaving his tour because he got a phone call from connie about his son being in need & steven feels guilty about it. fucking hell man. I did enjoy how the episode ended though, with that little moment between the both of them;

“just get some rest kiddo. you don’t have to solve all of your problems in one night.”

“yea. thanks dad.”

it’s a great message too, all of your struggles can’t be dealt with all at once. I’ve used a similar analogy before but it’s like removing a dead tree. you have to deal with all of the little things surround this issue first before you get to the deep, harder stuff. along side the message about trauma they’re both very important messages, I’m glad they exist in the show.

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one more thing before I end my thoughts & feelings over growing pains.

this ending shot;

as soon as I saw the frog mug my mind raced back to the promo for this scene, & this whole moment to come entirely. if you remember this moment has the first set of leaked audio within it, the audio of the gems basically cornering steven about him not opening up to them. christ pearl even gets mad at him for his gem building a wall behind him, protecting him from them. it’s common knowledge, I hope, that steven’s gem reacts to his emotional state. pearl herself has said this;

“I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind.”

his gem building this wall? it felt like steven was being threatened by them. this scene now has awful connotations with it. because since we now know what the pink mode is doing to steven, how actually painful it is, think back to these;

yea. fuck the gems. I’ll let it slide if steven, greg or priyanka haven’t told them about what happened at the hospital. but if they do know, if they know how much it hurts steven being in his pink mode & still press into him about it I’ll see red. with steven’s trauma & now ptsd being cemented into the show I fucking hope garnet, amethyst & pearl get held accountable for what they put on him as a kid. that shit will not slide with me if they don’t. do not condone what the gems put him through. do not condone the gems for making steven feel like he had to be his mum for them. just… don’t. please.

[fmdjoomi]

introducing mimi., the leader, main vocal and rapper of calypso...

what’s up guys? it’s yaz back at it again with another muse. this time around, i have joomi here. i had a muse of the same name before, but this joomi has a completely different background and all that jazz. i hope you guys like her and if you’re interesting in plotting, let me know by liking this post and i’ll message you. 

joomi’s history + personality:

for starters, joomi’s mother, seoyoung, was the absolute worst. she was a beautiful woman that used her looks and charms to practically con men out of their money. she left a trail of broken hearts behind her throughout her late teens up until her mid twenties until she met joomi’s father, jinho. 

jinho fell head over heels in love with the image of seoyoung, completely fooled by her charm and charisma. within a year of meeting one another, he asked her to marry him. she agreed, despite not really loving him back. she was just interested in what he could do for her financially. 

a few months after their marriage, she found out that she was pregnant with joomi. she was less than thrilled to say the least. she wasn’t even thirty yet and she was going to ruin her figure for some snotty nosed brat? hel no. unfortunately (in her eyes) she had to go through with the pregnancy. on february 14th of 1990, she gave birth to a baby girl - joomi. 

seoyoung couldn’t stand joomi, but jinho considered joomi to be the apple of his eye. he adored her and drowned her in attention, gifts and everything she could ever need or want. of course this didn’t make seoyoung happy. she was used to having all of jinho’s attention and she didn’t want anyone else having it - not even her own child. 

the arguments between her parents (mainly on seoyoung’s side, jinho was too much of a gentle, kind man to ever raise his voice, even when he was angry) and joomi was a witness to almost all of those arguments. it gave her a pretty warped view of her mother honestly. it wasn’t like they were particularly close to begin with, but seeing her mother verbally and sometimes physically attack her father left a bad taste in her mouth. 

by the time joomi was four years old, seoyoung had filed for divorce and was going to take her with her, but jinho refused to let her have joomi. it was the only time he actually raised his voice at seoyoung, which was enough to make her see that she wasn’t going to win that battle. so she signed away her parental rights, took her divorce settlement and left. 

not even two years later, jinho’s father had moved on with joomi’s nanny, which she didn’t mind at all. she saw her nanny more like a mother than her actual mother anyway. and not too long after that, her new stepmother and her father welcomed a baby into the world - joomi’s younger half sibling (gonna send in a wanted connection for that *wink wink nudge nudge*) 

her stepmother was the one who introduced joomi to singing. she used to sing and dance with her when she was really little, and as she got older, her stepmother could see the potential in her. she was the one who convinced her father to sign her up for singing lessons. to this day, joomi is extremely grateful towards her stepmother for being her introduction to music. 

when she was fifteen years old, she began auditioning for different labels and companies. she was accepted into bc entertainment and dimensions - she ended up going with the latter, a decision she kind of regrets. if she went with bc, she would’ve found more success because she most likely would’ve debuted with lily, but she loves her girls too much to ever truly regret her decision. 

there were times where she felt like throwing in the towel and giving up, but joomi was quite the stubborn one. even though she had to balance her school life with training, she never allowed her exhaustion or frustration to get the best of her. 

it didn’t help that her life outside of training had gone through ups and downs as well. she was fifteen years old when she developed her first real crush on someone - a cute boy at school. she was completely unaware of the fact that he was a total fuckboy. she ended up losing her virginity to him, something that he spread around school, leading people to think of her as “easy”. 

as a teen she was still softhearted and forgiving. she was a hopeless romantic that would melt whenever a guy told her that they liked her, just long enough for them to talk her into sleeping with them before they dropped her. she wanted someone who would treat her like how her father treated her stepmother. and they would treat her really well, until they got what they wanted from her.

this happened two or three more times before joomi finally realized what was going on and she became emotionally closed off. from that moment on, she swore that she would never let anyone in to hurt her like that again.

she finally debuted in dimensions’ newest girl group at the time, calypso, as the leader, main vocalist and rapper. the weight of being the leader of a group of girls weighed heavily on her shoulders, and when they lost members not even a year into their career, she couldn’t help but feel like an embarrassment in the eyes of the public. 

the feeling of embarrassment only grew tenfold when they lost yet another member two years after they debuted. she knew that there was nothing she could have done, but at the same time she also felt as though it would reflect badly on her. what kind of leader couldn’t keep their group together? 

it was frustrating, to say the absolute least, to never have their hard work pay off. from the moment they debuted, joomi made sure that she pushed her members to be the best that they could possibly be. but it seemed as though they couldn’t catch a break no matter what. no matter how much joomi forced them to practice, how much she forced them to sing songs over and over again until they got it right, they still couldn’t seem to make their songs stick with the general public. 

calypso wasn’t pulling in the kind of money that dimensions wanted them to, which meant that joomi and the girls were slower when it came to paying off trainee debt, and didn’t get much when it came to allowances.

not wanting to live off of her father’s money, despite him practically begging her to take it, she decided to find other ways to make money for herself and calypso. she had seen other idols make the journey into acting, and she had heard that it could become a lucrative career. 

in the beginning, acting was just a way to make extra money for her. she wasn’t amazing at it, but she was good enough to land a supporting role here and there, which made her realize that she rather enjoyed acting. it was a nice change from singing and dancing, and while singing would always be her first love and the most important thing in her life, acting was something else that she wanted to continue pursuing. she also knows that it’s a very good career to transition into once she lays her idol days to rest. 

personality wise, joomi’s learned how to be more or less aloof. she doesn’t let people in easily because she doesn’t want to run the risk of being hurt yet again. she can, begrudgingly, understand why her mother behaved the way she did. getting hurt by someone was way too big of a risk. in the words of yuna: i’d rather be selfish, hundred times better than pretending to be nice and getting hurt.

however, she’s very loyal and so protective of and attentive to her group members. calypso’s fans call her “mama mimi” because of the motherly role she plays in the group. 

honestly, she loves calypso’s sexier concept. she thrives with those concepts, and she likes feeling sexy. it’s v empowering for her. she doesn’t like it because it gets her attention, she likes it because of how it personally makes her feel. 

mimi’s image

as not only the leader of calypso but the eldest member as well, joomi is often seen as the “mom” of the group. she’s often seen taking care of her members - feeding them, covering them with blankets when given clothing on the shorter side and coming to their defense whenever they need her. it’s a role that she had fallen into rather easily, especially given her age and seniority. their fans have taken to calling her “mama mimi” as a joke because of this, but it’s something she takes in stride and even encourages from time to time by playfully introducing herself as “mama mimi” whenever calypso has to introduce themselves.

on the flip side of that, being someone who connects more with their sexier concepts, it’s no surprise that joomi is one of the sexier members in the group. where she lacks in dancing technique, she makes up for in stage presence and sex appeal, some people even going as far as to say that she “does too much” on stage or even that she “makes them uncomfortable” by how much she gives her all in sexy concepts. however, seeing as how their main fanbase, which consists of men, don’t seem to mind her onstage persona, dimensions does little to nothing to try to change her image, as it’s worked for her for the time being.