#developed a crush for a girl here while saying stuff like im not gay but- which says a lot

[diari0deglierrori]

I have heard nothing about Suburra Eterna so im guessing its not worth the watch? but i just heard Acida and thought about Spadi'

[moodywyrm]

bookish lil crush

college au! Abby Anderson x bookworm! reader

she is occupying my every thought I want her so bad but here!!! a lil series of thoughts I had about abby bc she is so cute I wanna hold her hand. occasionally nsfw/suggestive at times so MDNI pls go away u can’t be here I'll block u 

also listened to do I make you nervous by dreamer isioma while writing this! I am also!!! so down to talk about these books and other books pls talk to me about books in my asks I love reading so so much and so does abby! or talk about college abby bc she is rotting my brain away 

wc: 1.7k im sorry idk how

Thinking so much about Abby developing the most debilitating crush on the cute girl in her class who is always early and always reading

Like one day she decides to show up to class earlier than usual, bc she usually gets there like 5min before class starts and gets stuck with weird seats or super packed aisles that had the only seat open and it really sucks

So out of spite she just starts showing up unreasonably early (1hr before class) to make sure she gets a good seat and low and behold there is no class in that room before her english class (bc I firmly believe she would do an english minor and like maybe kinesiology? I have not put too too much thought to her major but i would love to hear opinions!), so she gets her pick of the entire room!

She nestles into the third row bc it’s the perfect spot! Not too far back to be easily distracted but not immediately in front of the professor. I think she’d pick an end seat, but the ones next to the wall and not the aisle bc she knows she’s a bigger girl and she doesn’t want to make people like crawl over her to get a seat and she’s always super aware of how much space she takes up anyways

There she is! In her lil seat! An hour before class just hanging out! She’s checking her laptop and her phone and getting her note-taking situation set up and god she is so regretting not bringing like a book or something bc this is a lot of free time and it would be perfect for reading and then!!

Like fifteen minutes later you show up and she doesn’t really notice until you sit in the same row as her, a few seats down

She looks over and she is f l o o r e d bc who is this cutie??? Have you always been in her class??? How did she not know??? She thinks ur so cute in ur lil outfit, how much shorter you look compared to her, even in the seat, ur headphones in and ur music barely audible and she’s just staring at this point and oh god oh no you notice and now she wants to crawl into a hole and decay 

You, unbeknownst to her, are completely Awestruck by this absolute goddess of a woman who is suddenly sitting in your row and thank god she didn’t take Your seat that you have been sitting in since the class began and oh god ur not gonna change seats now so you have to sit next to her

So you act Natural and pull out your stuff as you usually would, including your current read!! Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo!! Very good very gay and oh my god you hope the mystery girl sees the girls on the cover and gets the hint and you hope that she also likes girls bc wowowowow!!! She’s even prettier the closer you are to her!! And she looks so strong!!! Her arms so big and now ur head is spinning bc she could probably pick you up and mandhandle you and do whatever she wanted and now ur completely off track bc she is just so pretty

And she is staring at you!! So you panic a little bit and send her a lil smile and wave and her heart damn near stops because One she got caught Two ur so fucking cute so she Composes herself and waves back and then

Just turns back to her laptop

Like a coward. Bc u are so cute and she wants to talk to u so bad so Obviously she can’t bc she can and will make a bigger fool of herself than she already did

n this makes you sad bc duh, she’s so cute u thought she was gonna say something but no :( so you just start reading ur book and u get so into it that u don’t notice that abby keeps looking over at u! And she thinks ur so cute! Bc ur so focused and there’s this lil crease between ur brows from how hard ur focusing on this book and oops now she’s trying to look at the cover without u noticing and oops now she’s typing it into her browser and would u look at that! It’s in stock at her favorite bookstore! so now she knows what she’s doing after class instead of homework!

so u two sit and u read and she watches and floats aimlessly on the internet and then class proceeds as usual and abby feels so much better in this seat! She can actually hear and see without being stuck with ppl who talk during class or are super distracting on their laptops bc ur the closest to her and ur a diligent little notetaker! truly the best idea she’s ever had good job abby :)

Immediately after class she hauls ass to the bookstore and picks up the book u were reading (and maybe two more ok she has little self control in here it’s fine her dad is a neurosurgeon) and she starts reading it that day and omg!! She loves it!!! She reads like half of it in one day and forgets to do her homework and oh shit okay she has to bust out two discussion posts before midnight and now she’s panicking but it’s fine she’s got this!

the next time she has that class, she brings the book with her to read beforehand and u show up! But with a different book :( she’s so sad she wanted to talk to u about this one but u probably already finished it! So, of course, she pulls out her phone and writes down the book ur reading now, In A Lonely Place by Dorothy B. Hughes

she is both kinda shocked that it’s so different, some old crime novel but it sounds interesting so after class she runs back to the bookstore to get it and it’s there!! She didn’t even bother to check if it was in stock but it was! obvs the universe wants yall to have this connection so ofc she buys it and starts reading it the next week bc school caught up to her and it took a second to finish the first book :(

so she’s so excited when she shows up to class that week with the book, which she hasn’t started yet! And then u show up! And omg she might cry bc u have another book again :( ur just so fast she cannot keep up but she is gonna keep trying!

another two weeks pass with another two books and by now ur starting to notice that she always seems to be reading the last book u read and u don’t know if it’s intentional but if it is that is so sexy of her and u will hold her hand about it

so u decide to test it! u slow down on ur reading speed for the next book and u intentionally pick a less popular one (???)  bc at that point what are the odds it isn’t intentional? So u show up with When the Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore for the next three classes and sure enough! By the second class she has it and she’s reading it and so are u and ur both so excited about it!!

Abby is like ninety percent sure she’s been found out but her suspicions are confirmed when u turn to talk to her, voice low even though ur like the only people in the classroom bc class doesn’t start for another forty minutes, and u ask her how she likes it, especially compared to the rest of the books and she just turns Bright Red

She’s so cute and blushy and tripping over her sentences when she tells u she really likes it even though she just started it and by god she thinks she’s gonna melt into a puddle of pure sapphic when u giggle and smile at her and tell her ur glad!! Bc it’s one of ur favorite books!!

n y’all start talking about the books you’ve been reading and ur both so into it that u completely give up on reading before class today! Not when this absolute sweetheart of a girl is reading the book u read!! For u!! Bc abby straight up tells u she wanted to talk to u but didn’t know how so she just started reading all the books u read bc that makes sense?? I mean it worked so yeah!! Makes sense!!

u scoot into the seat right next to her, abandoning ur old seat :( but for a much better one bc omg she smells so good u wanna bite her or kiss her or sit in her lap and snuggle into her :( and abby is freaking out bc u also smell good and ur so pretty she wants to hug u and kiss u and make u cre-

Anyways eventually class starts :( which sucks so bad but ur right next to her and she maybe finds it a lil bit harder to focus but it’s fine!! She gets through it and at the end of class, she builds up the courage (tbh she wasn’t really listening to the last ten minutes bc she was so Anxious) to ask u for ur number!!! Which u give her ofc, and right before u leave u nearly make her heart pop out of her chest

As u pull on ur bag, u turn to her and say that you’ll text her to set up ur lil bookclub :( maybe you can go get coffee to talk about it :) and by god that is close enough to a date for abby that she just nods dumbly and smiles and watches as you leave, a lil smile on ur face that makes her want to pull u back and kiss u silly!!

She knows then and there that she has to make u her gf or she’ll literally wither away (ofc she succeeds!! She’s abby!!!)

Anyways yeah thinking of her debilitating crush i luv her

[iwasbored777]

so ur trolls posts got me to watch trolls world tour again. i remembered liking it but i couldnt remember why, but now i know for sure

I FCUKING LOVE TROLLS WORLD TOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL THE INCREDIBLE WRITERS WERE SECRETLY ON TROLLS 2 !!!!!!’n

I CANT TBINK OF A SINGLE FLAW IN TROLLS WOULD TOUR!!!!!!!

i was NOT expecting a brilliantly written masterpiece about colonialism, but thats what i got, and its going in the greatest of all time hall of fame in my brain forever.

im not gonna sit here and regale you on the message of the movie. they only said fax, no printer, and its an important message to send kids. alot of the messages kids get about races and borders is “we are all the same 😚” but they came in with the “we are NOT the same and that is both good and bad, both exciting and dangerous so you need to be aware of dangerous ideas of “harmony”” and thats so real. kids need to understand differences are OK.

i love how they backed off the “chosen one” vibe poppy had in the first movie and talked about her flaws as a leader. while her stubborness was a good thing in the first movie to contrast branches pessimistic nature, it wouldnt have worked here, and i can see a cheap writer (like m*chael w*ldron) either insisting she gets away with her selfishness and carrying on with the happy ending anyway, or pretending that wasnt a character trait at all (because w*ldron doesnt watch the first movie and writes a sequel anyway)

my favorite scene is the bubble scene and the woods right after they leave funk where branch confronts poppy. do i even need to tell you why?

i just want to mention it because im pretty sure branch sings a cover of “girl crush” by little big town, which is a country band, and branch said he likes country music earlier and that slays. but when poppy comes in, what they sing is definitley not girl crush, and i cant tell if its giving “trolls can mix music” or im completley wrong and its a different song alltogether. but i cant tell if that song is homophobic or is super gay, so if im wrong thats prob for the best.

the only flaw i can think of is the country music, as a midwestern i can confidently say that was an affront to real blue grass country music. i guess born to die “works” but it didnt represent country as well as the other genres did. theres alot of controversy in the country music fandom with alot of singers who sound exactly the same and produced like its a factory line. but even if people still think miranda lambert and carrie underwood arent true country singers, their songs wouldve worked better than born to die. also the country trolls shouldve been on a self sufficient farm instead of the wild west. that wild western jazzy piano and country music isnt the same.

the only bad part about the movie is that it ended and barb ATE. SHE LEFT NO CRUMBS WITH THAT INTRO. send ask.

Lol I love your review. I love Trolls World Tour a lot too and all their other movies. Great stuff.

And yeah I love Poppy and how she can accomplish A LOT but she doesn't make it on her own, she needs character development and help from others just like everyone else. Characters are surprisingly realistic.

Barb really was goat, the best antagonist in the franchise. I love parallels between her and Poppy, how both had different intentions (Poppy wanted to help and Barb wanted to conquer) but Poppy's method was also wrong and both Poppy and Barb and everyone had to make compromises for all tribes to live in harmony because no one has to change their lifestyle for that to happen, all they have to do is accept that they're different and that's perfect. Just be yourself and let others be themselves.

That song in the end (Just Sing) slaps hard (and so does Can't Stop The Feeling btw).

P.S. Tiny Diamond fucking slays 🔥🔥🔥

[denpadokei]

Old blue ending nova theory time, no clue how to start this:

Some main points to get out of the way

I do believe photon and the blue girl in melty land nightmare are the same

I don’t believe photon and long haired girl (from atmosphere) are the same, mostly because they’re different characters in the anni art and I think atmos has brown hair

Do I need to say I think blue ending nova does take place on the blue planet

I don’t believe Yakusoku and Photon Blue take place on the same railroad tracks, rather, photon has a dream planet of all her favourite memories and since she lived on the blue planet when she was alive, the railroad tracks are included in that

Oh yeah and probably most importantly I think photon is dead.

Dream planets are places the characters create and can visit in their dreams right. I also think personally that they are where humans native to the blue planet go when they die. That is if they are not turned into an adult.

I believe Chaldene is a separate character in the same story. I call it karudene.

This is a year old, was made in one day, and I no longer really understand it but I’ll give this a shot.

BLUE ENDING NOVA INTERPRETATION: IM NOT DONE YET O JUST NEEDED TO POST THID BEFORE THE DAY EBDED Y’KNOW

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I’m really not good at this huh

Don’t know where to put this but I’m wondering if photon and melty had some sort of trade. Melty needs to eat, but photon wants to keep remembering her dreams, so melty ends up having to eat photon’s memories instead. Photon might not even be able to remember they made that deal. I assume this happened before Photon died, and is what caused her to want to die, gradually starting to forget everything. In promising a “daybreak” she really did not think it through though. It might not have even been her who promised such. It might be some sort of lie the adults made up, or maybe last light.

Okay so a girl with short hair (ginga) a girl with long hair (atmos) and a girl who likes the colour blue too much (photon) are all friends and that go to school together. Last light also might be part of the group or she’s off to her own side idk.

Photon somehow knows about dream planets and the crazy stuff in space where the others don’t. Ig in a society run by adults all that stuff has been forgotten. I think she does try to tell her friends about it but they don’t believe her.

Everything spoken about in Photon Blue happens around here, and the “you” is prolly ginga. Maybe she thinks that she meets Ginga in space, possibly the melty land, because Y’know people go to dream planets when they sleep. But melty eats those dreams up and neither of them are aware of it. Photon wants to go out to a dream planet or a star and see for herself ig. Possibly unrelated but while I think ginga and Atmos are just friends ginga and photon are definitely gay, there was definitely some crush developed in a summer festival or something anyway. Atmos and Ginga are just strong platonics ig I think they continuously refer to each other as “my best friend”.

The catalyst is literally when photon dies, Last Light witnesses it and ends up being the one to tell everyone else about it, about whatever the light is - it could be the technological advances of the blue planet somehow, it could be something from space, it could literally be the futarino whale. I used to think it was an accident, but I’ve recently wondered if she intended to off herself on the blue planet somehow, be reborn on her own dream planet, and then go back to the blue planet to prove that it’s all real. Like she stood in front of the whale in order to get run over, that’s what Last Light sees.

Her death is what’s being referred to at the start of sekai ga owaru no yo. The “daybreak” might be her codename for her return after dying. Years later, Atmos and Ginga pull a futarino. I don’t think it was their intention to find photon, even though it seems in the lyrics that Ginga thought photon really would come back. They were just sick of the world and felt like nana and lili did ig. They way they do this is by getting themselves run over by a train together. That’s siren heard from far away there, they talk about it like they’re on the train together because they wanted the death to be a secret. This was all before the handmade ginga short film came out alr. You could believe that they did get onto a real train that actually went out into the galaxy, possibly what we see in the film, and that this is also what photon took that last somehow interpreted as a death due to not actually seeing it fully. And then I think they pass out.

They wake up in photon’s dream planet somehow. It’s crazy. The air is clean like dreamlike eyesight, etc. it’s exactly the sort of world ginga would have built herself including everything she likes. Atmos also refers to Photon as Betelgeuse for some reason (either she likes tim burton or it’s a way to mock her for yapping about space and planets and what not). And Atmos and Ginga start to have an argument while they wonder around all these strangely familiar places photon has recreated. Atmos is stressed out by the fact she’s still alive, by the end of the song she believes everything she is experiencing is fake. Ginga wants to look for photon though, so they split up and Atmos just sits there.

Ginga does eventually find Photon. Problem is, uh, Photon can’t remember anything for some reason (I’ll get to this) I’ll admit Summer Alice is the one I have the least for. I think the stuff about the fireflies is just ginga making new discoveries about the new planet and stuff. The thing about stopping the summer might be due to Ginga not feeling as if she’ll be able to enjoy summers without Photon, or feeling like time has stopped in the new planet ig. Or this song is actually about Mikage or Navy or something. Alice might even be a completely separate abd new character. even so, ginga finds the amnesiac photon. (MAYBE: I think it’s cute that photon thinks ginga likes summer a lot but ginga might only like summer because photon said she liked summer but in the process of melty eating everything she forgot that even before she died. Died? I dunno it’s weird.)

Okay tbh photon blue could also happen here actually with the lyrics in quotation marks being what Ginga tells Photon are things she’s said\heard in the past. And she might still be talking about travelling to space and meeting ginga in a dream planet since melty hasn’t eaten that stuff yet so she could still think she’s alive on the blue planet.

Galax Gate and ginga log are hard for me to theorise about because the first way I interpreted the lyrics was so weirdly personal and relatable to me (I could go into this in a separate post) like it became a comfort song. But I’ll try my best uh. I think this is just about Ginga realising on her own that everything Photon said was true. And in hindsight the daybreak being an actual physical literal daybreak is probably the actual case uh whoops. No clue what she means by lighter, might be something about attacks on the blue planet and wanting to secure her own planet or residence so she never needs to live on the melty land and therefore come to forget everything. OH YEAH the big one uh this might be where she realises she could still be alive and just asleep on the blue planet? As well as Atmos maybe? Because she’s heavily associated with telescopes in AP, she’s looking out for dream planets and photon’s residence. Perhaps it were all just a dream and now she’s living this double life, memories of her dreams would presumably never be forgotten automatically because she doesn’t seem to have had any brush with the meltyland. Ig it’s not mentioned at all in ginga log because she’s basically talking to someone with dementia it’s not gonna mean anything. Ginga log abd gakax gate sound TOO powerful to just be about one realisation as basic as “omg I actually believe you now”. “The silhouettes overlapping at the edge of the horizon” can just be the two kissing idk. It’s probably a lot cooler than just that though.

In my notes for this I just have “ayo what the karudene doin” idk y’all. Actually I do dk you were fooled. Basically I think this is where we’d have homesick Halley and we’d go back and hear about Atmos’s side of the story, but for some reason it’s karudene in the album instead because karudene was more recent and more popular.

Also I’m tired :(((((((( I think I’m gonna stop now and try continue in the morning. Which sucks because I was supposed to work on the mikuexpost tomorrow. I love procrastination okay. This is a good place to leave it though, I guarantee that it does officially and successfully all go to shite though. And it’s all melty’s fault. Okay she might have been trying to feed her family/friends/coworkers/neighbours/theguywhorunshercarwash/entirerace though. At least I used to think so. But nah the melty population seemed to die before anything else in the Gohan universe existed- I don’t believe any of this anymore so it’s okay. This isn’t gonna be a part one and two thing I will literally edit this when I wake up. I’m sorry I’m such a failure. I am still Ben’s second strongest soldier though. Because Ben has no other soldiers. Unless the Gohan server would have a gander idk pop off Gohan server I love you. okie bedtime. Sorry :(

[dipplie]

Temporary list of my stories and OC’s until one day I make a comprehensive and well made list:

Blinded:

Polli: My oldest OC and fun fact was my persona till she become edgy and I wasn’t 12 anymore. Everyone’s favorite yes yes I’m aware. Yellow, energetic, eats dirt and bugs, I can’t tell if she’s evil because of a wisp possession or just crazy. Breaks the 4th wall. Is she a Mary Sue???????? Who knows.

Melody: NOT Polli’s girlfriend despite Polli’s delousions. Has an abusive mom :(. Only has one eye and then no eyes and then robot eyes or smthn idk she becomes a badass when she gets older. But otherwise trembling in her shoes all the time.

Melodys Mom/Sharren: Bitch. Okay well all I’ll say is she’s old and grumpy and probably smells bad.

Louise: Total hotty, rich kid, FtM, got bullied as a kid for his weight. Had a squad of fans basically in high school. Lived with his mom after his parents got a divorce but his mom was semi abusive, projected her femininity onto him, and wouldn’t have been supportive of his transition, so between middle and high school he went to live with his dad and got his sex change and testosterone. His best friend in elementary and middle school stopped talking to him after his transition, and became his competition for the most attractive and sought after boy in school (except Louise is a sweetheart while his friend Tommy is a dick and really gross) His dad runs a company that specializes in technology, and after meeting and falling in love with Melody (even after all her abusive trauma and losing both her eyes) he has his dad and some of the developers create a way to get her vision back and I mean honestly I love him how could you not love him he’s so perfect.

Watching:

Fick: Big nerd boy with thick glasses. I feel like he’d use Reddit but don’t quote me on that. Big crush on Vivinya. Boy don’t wander into the woods- oh look dead body with a curse on it don’t touch it- aaaand now he has a wisp that makes him kill people, way to go kid. Panic attack central.

Vivinya: True crime girl, yucky yucky. Probably had a knife collection. “uwu I’m insane” except she actually is and starts using Fick to kill people for her and treats him like her “Yandere boyfriend” or something cringe and gross oh god. She deserves jail. JAIL. Needs to learn guys need to give consent too. Just overall sucks 1/10.

Tommy: I mentioned him early to be Louises ex best friend and rival. He used to have a crush on Louise actually but that don’t excuse being a BITCH!!!! Also needs to learn people gotta give consent he is just as gross as Vivinya. Cheats on all the girls he gets with because he’s again, a bitch. Idk if he deserved to get murdered though I mean he was still a teenager but it’s fine. Thinks of the song Seventeen from Heathers actually this story does feel a tad reminiscent of heathers with vivinya being a crazy and wanting to off a bunch of students. Huh.

Suzannie: Tommy’s older sister who’s a detective. What a coincidence. Monotone and depressed. Probably because her little brother got murdered. Gets real awkward when she’s talking about her brothers murder(s) to Fick and Vivinya like “when I find who did this to him they’ll regret being born”. Kind of really pretty actually.

Adolescents (there isn’t actually a story here yet but don’t worry about it shhhh):

Nelson: HIMBO HIMBO H- Jock stupid idiot big dork god he’s so awkward and his main personality trait is having a crush on Naomi and being a dork when talking to her. Probably could benchpress you.

Naomi: Gamer or something and a nerd geek. Her main personality trait is having a crush on Nelson and also being a dork when talking to him. Probably a weeb and fandom dweller. Can’t draw but she commissions artists to draw. She does write copious amounts of fanfiction though.

Andrés: Ohhh the school bad boy babyyyy. Baseball bat with nails in it or something. There’s like... A thing between him in Charlotte and he wants to be a thing but she’s being difficult and makes it hard to talk to her or about her and ugh.

Charlotte: Princess, high school princess. She’s actually pretty nice when you get to know her- but she’s a diva. Ballerina after school. Best friends with Naomi and doesn’t know what she’s talking about when she mentions ships or OTPs but she listens anyways because she’s a good friend. There’s like... A thing between her and Andrés but she doesn’t know if she’s super into him but geez he’s really hot but she gets such mixed responses when she asks her friends about it and what if it doesn’t work outttt.

Marlon: They/Them but they’re okay with either pronouns they aren’t sure yet, he or she is okay... Box boy box boy. Autism... He doesn’t want to admit He’s attracted to men but he’s totally attracted to men. He lives alone which is probably illegal for his age but somehow he manages. Everyone thinks he’s “the quiet kid” and he’s really sad about it no don’t make jokes like that please guys ahh-

Sing for Me:

Kat: The color pink, addahadda(adhd), angry and loud and short. For being only like 10 and being an adorable little lesbian dressing in sparkly pink dresses she actually likes screaming a lot and would totally sing heavy metal if her producers let her. Loud and mad but gets so soft around her girlfriend. “If anything happens to Brie I’m killing everyone in this room and then myself”.

Brie: French... Birds and stuff. Loves her girlfriend even though she is so loud. So fast. So much. Likes to write pretty things. Is only like an inch taller than Kat. Filled with so much love for everything.

Elliot: The girls manager. Lots of coffee. Stressed out of his MIND please help this man. Probably gay. Seems like a smug dick but he is just a tall and lanky dork that loves puppies and wants nothing more than for Kat and Brie to be happy. Accidentally brands them as sisters and then Kat kisses Brie and- oh fuck oh shit oh no what has he done. Hides the fan and non fan responses from them. Poor guy.

Horror Hosts:

Ichabod: Hot demon who’s the son of the current ruler of hell or something. I mean he’s hot, smart, and royalty, what more do you want. I very specifically hear the dub voice of Kyoya Ootori from OHHC as his voice don’t @ me. Goat legs????? Yeah??? Don’t be rude.

Barnabie: Ohhhhhhhhh big orc teddy bear I’m crying I love him????? He puts up a more confident ploy and the given stereotypical personality orcs supposedly have but he’s just a shy boy that wants to give girls flowers and call boys pretty. Help him.

Garrison: Gary Burger. Fat hairy gay man. I mean werewolf. Wouldn’t it be funny if I made the whole werewolf thing backwards and made him transform into a HUMAN only on the full moon??? Party animal, pun absolutely intended. LOUD AND FUNNY he’s a dork. Bites. Horny on main Garrison please you’re supposed pamper and flirt with the guests but not quite that much.

Vincenzo: Token Vampire but he’s Italian because I felt like it. Talk and lanky of course. Bitch face. Blood coffee? Yeah lots of coffee. Tired. Let him sleep in Ichabod. Steps on people. Can summon and reanimate corpses but has a bitter attitude towards them because they get annoyed with him as much as he gets annoyed with- everyone else. He does have a soft spot but idk where it is. When he’s talking to guests he’s more suave and sexy though.

Kai: Genderfluid haha get it because slime fluid-... I’ll stop. Probably objectively the hottest because they can look anyway they want and shift their vocals to sound like almost anything, also probably objectively the best in bed (if you’re okay with the texture of Jell-o) and honestly come on save some for the rest of us it’s not fair. This boy can SING oh my god seranade me and whisper in my ear baby. Spunky and sassy.

Hallvor: BABY OCTOPOD BOY OHHHHH I LOVE HIM HE’S SO SWEET AND IS AN ANGEL DARLING BOY SO EMBARRASSED SO SHY SOFTEST VOICE OHHH- ohhh nooo he’s got a knife ohhhhh Hallvor baby don’t be like that ohhhh... Used to work in hentai actually (I wonder why) but quit because of immoral practices and good for him we love that. Okay he’s not actually a yandere or whatever but he DEFINITELY wants to squeeze you a little too hard and has those crazy eyes.

Carla: Main character of this OHHC monster clone. She sucks I don’t like her because listen listen she kills monsters as a living and when she tries to kill our boys here, Ichabod catches her and goes “no” but then the rest (not knowing her murderous intent) fall in love with her and Ichabod is like: “shoot well I’ll keep you alive and around but I’m watching you” and blah blah romance and feelings and character development and wow she seems like she’s grown to care about them... So Ichabod removes a curse he put to prevent her from harming them or leaving... AND THEN SHE STABS THEM ALL IN THE BACK IM CRYING. I mean she might have an extra reason for needing to kill them but I haven’t decided if I want to actually put it in the story yet so.

Fingertips:

Maria/Marianna: Was this goth angry chick and the head of these losers but after a failed heist, fire, and being betrayed and dropped from a window on a 3rd or 4th story down into flames, and going to the hospital and changing her name, she changed totally and become a soft pretty girl... And then the next three boys went “HEY BOSS WE FOUND YOU” and she went “oh no” and now she’s just an anxious wreck like “no no no no no I don’t shoot people in the face anymore no no no no no” And has a fear of hands. Also was Diamontés best friend in primary school and yes all these characters went to the K-12 school all the other characters do/did. Pretty voice. The story is mostly about her being anxious around all the other characters because who was it that betrayed her and dropped her into the flames below? Find out next week on th-

Nikki: He’s that character that you see and immediately go “oh he’s gross and is angry and is a bitch” and you’re right he is and has a cockney accent and screams a lot and probably swings a knife around a lot, but he’s got a sweet interior (somewhere in there... somewhere) Screamo heavy metal. Him and the rest of these character briefly talked about having a band and then they didn’t and then at the end of the story they do and although he plays guitar mostly, if he does do lead vocals he screams a lot. Bitch.

Anthony: Pretty boy but like the “was in the army” pretty boy vibe. Probably played football in highschool. Pyromaniac. Punches Nikki a lot. Almost gives himbo vibes sometimes, almost. Kind of likes the old timey cozy aesthetic. Plays the piano sometimes but “oh I’m not very good at it” Plays extremely well

Diamonté: TALL. Purple goth boy aesthetic hellll yeahhhh. CRAZY EYES AND THEY SPEAK VOLUMES WATCH OUT. Drums. The scary kind of quiet because he just smiles at you. Crowbar. Okay but he’s actually really sweet though. Secretly loves watching Anthony and Nikki get into fights so that’s why he rarely puts a stop to it. I think he’s a sadist. Can be a gentle giant, but can also be a not so gentle giant. The only time he’s really talkative is after copious amounts of booze.

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: Literally a pimp and he’s pretty gross. Blonde hair and pink and white clothes.

Unnamed/Undesigned 2: Chick that likes to throw knives and be angry and threatens Marianna a lot but in a quiet and monotone way, Marianna is pretty scared and hopes that these are just shallow threats uhhhhh.

Unnamed/Undesigned 3: Sells guns (without a lisence of course) and wears a bandana over his face a lot. Tired. Grumpy.

Unnamed/Undesigned 4: Like Marianna, was cold hearted and cool but then got caught in the fire and got all soft. He only has one eyes but how sweet his eyepatch is a heart. Recoved along side Marianna and they are good friends good friends tha- wait Marianna are you going back with them oh god you can’t do that oh dear oh no oh-

(I don’t have a story or name for these two but they’re my comfort ship OC’s and my current hyper fixaction right now):

Rodriquéz: I literally designed him with almost all the traits I find attractive in a guy other than freckles so as you can imagine I find him super HOT. I also designed his personality on what I find attractive from a guy so as you can imagine I find him super GREAT. But anyways he’s grumpy and closed off and monotone and smug. I really could go on for hours about how I want him to step on me I’m so sorry guys. Both him and Samantha give the “21 and having immature fun” vibes. They’re a thing but they like going to bars together and splitting off and doing their own thing (or doing someone else’s thing if you get what I mean haHhahHhahGahGhaha-) But so help them if anyone doesn’t oblige by the “no” from one of these two, someone’s gonna get beat up.

Samantha: (She literally just my personality shhhhh don’t tell anyone it’s a secret) Bubbly, energetic, a little shy by extroverted, bombshell blonde or something? It took me way too much time and effort to design her but I’m really happy with how I finally designed her, I love her outfit. She could kick me in the face and I’d say thank you. Girly drinks at the bar. Got that trauma and anxiety™️ secretly though. Skips and jumps a lot. As I’m typing this I keep looking up at the drawing of her and more and more I would want her to also step on me.

(Space Story I don’t have a nice title for):

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: So... Funny story this story originally was with me and uh... My ex I guess... So I gotta replace the MC’s... Whoops ahaha... Awkward. But anyways the MC is a robot and a girl and is a slight tsundere or smthn.

Unamed/Undesigned 2: Has a space ship, works for this organization in space that protects the galaxy. Is cocky, lazy, sly, oblivious, and an idiot. The love interest- obviously. Probably accidentally committing space crimes. (Like space pirating hAHAHA-) Kind of cool when he wants to be.

Dandelion/Dandy: CAT. WITH A JET PACK. Kind of an asshole. Fun fact used to be Polli’s cat but then when the Second MC crash landed on earth she was like “fuck this noise I’m going with space boy laterz” (okay she can’t talk but she thought it).

Zizii: Lesbian alien? Yeah???? Okay but I mean her main character trait is being a dorky back alley doctor and engineer obsessed with the MC because they’re a sentient robot with emotions and a lazer arm and rocket boots WOW!!!!!!!!

Story I want to revive:

So I had a story I started writing a long time ago about this tech theatre kid that had a crush on this other theatre kid character, but in a play that other character has to kiss another person for the show, and as the story progresses the MC convinces themselves that it isn’t just a play and that their crush actually loves and is kissing that other kid. And in the play, that other character is supposed to die. Show night comes along and they die, but like actually, and by the hands of the MC (Idk maybe like a light falls on em or smthn). So it’s a grotesque scene the audience sees as just an act. (Mutters I dunno I think my idea’s cool...) So I’ve been wanting to design these characters and work more on the story but I’m busy being obsessed with Rodriquez and Samantha so. (And the Horror Host Club too I love them too still).

Other Characters that either don’t have a specific story or are kind of like background characters:

Jacqueiliquinne Merril: Sara Berry vibes from 35mm (go look up The Ballad of Sara Berry, maybe like an animatic idk the first one that comes up is nice) But otherwise rich, pretty, popular, bitch. Tries to like, steal Louise from his squad and it’s like bro that’s unnecessary who hurt you that’s so rude. She gives Nui from Kill La Kill Vibes too. Oh she knows her name is long and annoying but you have to say the whole thing.

Brianna: Jaqueiliquinne’s sister. Big titty goth gf??? She’s pretty popular too and kind of a bitch too but to a much lesser degree. Her and he sister throw hands a lot when no one is around, you know, “THEY GIRLS ARE FIGHTINNGGGG”.

The Louise Fan Club: 4 characters I haven’t named yet. One writes fanfiction of Louise and shares it with the others and with him sometimes and although he thinks it’s a bit weird he also finds it a tad endearing and supports her. One is an aspiring photographer and is constantly asking Louise to model for him. One is an artist and draws Louise all the time. And one is an aspiring musician who writes songs based of Louise’s relationships which again he finds a little weird but endearing and supports her.

The Jacquiliquinne Merril Fan Club: Genderbent-ish (I say ish because one of the characters is a little bit less defined gender wise) versions of the Louise Fan Club. Yes I’m lazy, and no they don’t get along with them, infact they hate each others club with a passion. 

Unnamed/Undesigned: I wanna make some hacker kid just because I wanna have one.

Unnamed/Undesigned: I also really wanna have a super cutesy magical girl and then a really super duper generic boring character probably like star vs the forces of evil idk I never watched that show but it looks cute.

Me: I exist in the universe fukc you I can do what I want it’s my story and I get to chose the who also if you wanna be in the mess of a universe go ahead draw yourself with my OC’s I allow and encourage and appreciate it. I literally made the Horror Host Club as a sort of Harem story and you are absolutely allowed to make out with them if you’re a monster fucker DO it GO ahead it’s canon.

and that is ALL I have FOR now Knowing me I’ll make like 12 more characters by July, and I mean I need more characters for the high school anyways so...

[kommunistkaitou]

my other ramble snce I'm inebriated talking about personal stuff rn is that like ok im very. Tied to my identity as a gay dude like not just in a sexuality way but like my gender as a guy in general is tied to faggotry but like im also not someone who considers gender to be more important than who somebody is so while im not going to develop a crush on a woman it is apparently within the realm of possibility for someone ive been into for a long time, to come out as trans, without me stopping being attracted to her, & the thing is its definitely mutual and like we mightve even gotten together before she came out to me if it wasn't for covid

But like im worried that even if I do see her as a woman (which tbh i mostly do but not 100% yet bc she JUST came out to me like less than a week ago and we've known each other for almost 3yr and she's still closeted to other ppl so I still have to deadname her often) im worried that us dating would be like mutually harmful to each of us in a gender way except also blike why should we let a fucking labeks and social contract definie who we can date if we both like each other

& also she's said ishe doesn't experience mich dysphoria like she isn't miserable being perceived as a fem gay guy, its more gender euphoria around womanhood like it just makes her extra happy to be girl. So maybe itd be ok but like ya.

Oh but also there's the concern that like im into her now but like i have no idea how my attraction meter (lol) would respond to her medically transitioning like tbh it would probably be ok bc i have dated trans guys who were both pre and post different various stuff but like idk i don't want to break both our hearts. U know. Also unrelated to the gender thing but she also has some issues with internalized ableism that i also have but the things we find helpful to talk about them tends to be opposite (*hurtful) to each other by accident so we have temporarylt tabled that discussion until we r ready for it so like idk if dating would be get bad in that condition idk. Anyway none of my relationships have ever rlly ended well except for mayhe my 1st one which was online the whole time anyway and we met via msparp i was 15 and she still said I broke her heart even tho we stayed for friends and we both ended up being gay later idk. don't want to throw away a good friendship is what im saying here.

[akalegos]

Could you tell us a little about your characters?

Y E S !

but due to me having at least over a thousand characters I’ll just give a quick summary of the 25 I manage to dig up over 3 sketchbooks.

Y’all can pick and choose which of them interest yall or who you wanna hear more about!

Also because I’m extra, I made sketch icons for the 25 characters, info under the cut

I’ll talk a bit more about my actual Original Characters first, starting with

Aiko! Otherwise known as Echo

- A marked individual in a steampunk world that gets mixed with magic, because I like both of those things

- Echo runs an underground lab that does helps the underground world with replacing body parts, illegal surgeries etc etc

- Even though she marked, which puts a bounty on her head already, she is well respected by the community for not cheating for your money, stealing your cash, or shanking/killing you mid-surgery

- however, Echo does long for adventure and sometimes do get bored in the lab

oh yeah,, Echo like stealing eyeballs, so if you’re low on cash and wouldn’t mind losing an eye, you know who to call!!

Bonus:

Here’s Echo’s boring, undeveloped sidekick!! I don’t like her and I don’t know how to make her better. Yes, she doesn’t have a name.

here’s my god playboy that left “heaven” due to having an early mid-life crisis, I call him God boi cause;

- He goes by many names! 

tbh, he’s probably the closest character I have to being genderfluid/-neutral? I’m not sure,,

- The god has many powers, from lightning to shapeshifting

- The shapeshifting part allows him to change every part of himself, allowing him to change depending on his situation.

- God boyo, or originally Aristide, is obsessed with the idea of perfection. A god should be perfect, if a god is out of line, he is no god. 

- Same goes for him, which means whenever something is wrong with him, it affects him, extremely

However, leaving the land of gods to live among humans aren’t all perks

- Aris isn’t immune to diseases or injuries. In fact, he actually fell down and died on impact when he came to earth, being reborn into another child immediately.

- He doesn’t gain his memories back automatically tho!! He has to have a major shock to the brain in order for him to remember his previous lives

- Sometimes the shock isn’t enough either, when you have a thousand over lives, you won’t remember every single one of them. So forgotten lovers coming back to haunt because your brain hates you? That’s everyday for him!

i just,, i like playing with the concepts of god,,

Up next we got Ayeka Himura! A japanese student going to a neighborhood, but still a pretty good, school living close to poverty due to her father’s constant spending habits and obsession with art supplies. With the household lacking a mother due to wacky shenanigans, Ayeka takes care of her two younger siblings and the house, all while maintaining a very well-paid job and slowly loosing interest in actually studying for a good, honest job.

also she likes birds!!

Yes her design is heavily “based” off Toga but I love her current design too much to change it, h e l p

So like,, I suck at chinese and I made ocs that exclusively spoke in chinese to help with that but I’m still stuck at 40~marks

I forgot his scar but remembered his earring i hate myself

my og chinese kiddo! he was was first to come and I love his design ever since

he radiates fuck you energy except the girl below. He’s neighbors with her and they acknowledge each other existence ever since. he has a dumb cliche crush on her and is a bit protective of her because nothing says having issues than latching onto someone that makes you happy

Only this girl got named!! even tho she was the second character.

Li Shen, yes she doesnt have a surname, is apparently main ho now, according to my old oc chart of my “main” ocs

She’s the group’s resident sweetheart and really does not want you to do stupid shit, stop doing stupid shit. She tutors my son up there ^^ even though he’s actually smart and just refuses to do his work properly. But she still deeply cares for him.

As well as the girl below shdifhd

the last girl of the ching chong trio and the reason I had to switch up my son’s design is this girly over here! Her design was too business-y and formal so I enrolled all of them into college. A rich girl who doesn’t know how to deal with her g a y thoughts. Tried sending Li Shen some flowers once. She didn’t realize attaching her name would be a good idea and son got a good laugh.

i like paranormal stuff so they apparently look into that shit in their spare time. They’re all actually really fun characters to do prompts with I swear!! send some in and I’ll write them

I had a previous concept for son and Li Shen before last girl came and if yall want me to talk about it,,, i found my sketchbook with the old ideas,,

NEXT UP IS MY OLD GIRL ELORA!!

Elora herself used to be a fan character but I pulled her out and wow\

cant fucking believe she used to be straight for Vylad

shes the outgoing, fun adventure type! bit of mommy issues here and there tho,, I don’t want to say too much since I have an entire for her +

her now upgraded bro, Vincent

i really like the name vincent,,

also now he has mommy issues

Ead, the knight who used to have armor

I hate drawing armor 

he also have issues

AND IRIS MY SWEET GIRL IM SO SORRY

she doesnt have that much issues tho

basically I made elora and her bro have mommy issues, I’m sorry in advance if that spoils anything

I, sometimes, post about these 4 over on @eloradiesismydocsname​ and its a gay ol��� time

not that gay tho because uhh,, medieval times,, but I need prompts for a modern au of them and I am happy to talk about their personalities and even go semi in-depth for any of them!!

here we have ghoster.png,, which is her file name cause I didn’t name her,,

A horror enthusiast + film student that goes to a supposedly haunted shack to film her upcoming project with the boys. wacky shenanigans occur and the boys left leaving ghoster here to starve and eventually fall to her death. But because it’s my oc i get to bring her back from the dead, now hungry as ever and will fucking eat you, its not a kink thing, shes just that hungry and angry

tax fraud.png

a robo girl that i created during social studies cause they were talking about taxes and i just went, “what if,, a robo runs on taxes,,, and like,, she haunts you down for not paying your taxes,,” thus she was born! I don’t know what to name her but she is set in the future so-

Time to go future-apocalypse style because I love that setting too and was upset that I didn’t have any ocs in that style. So I created Alex A. ! A cybrog filled with memories of the previous generations as a sad attempt to preserve human life.

He’s accompanied by his sister/cousin idr i didn’t draw an icon for her, didnt like her design. they go on a hunt for food and to return with nothing. She gets to meet this other dude who has a plant arm im pretty sure i based him off someone’s elses oc but i cant remember. The 3 are forgotten. Kinda want to bring them back tho.

Neon! A character set in the future utopia of lazy people, where gamers rise up. its the best I can describe her story without getting too deep. She the new hacker on the block, joining the underground gang of elite hackers. She’s another one of those wacky characters that just has fun. I mean, when you know your way around codes and the world you live in is full of it, would you not take advantage of that?

as for fan characters,, uhh,, i have em

STARTING WITH MY WIFE!

Alexzandra Zara oh my god i forgot to draw her necklace and shirt

anyways,, Alexzandra is one of the more older ocs I have that didnt get a big revamp. Only an au I develop to the point I forgot the actual shows and the original cast are a little different from the source haha what? She’s the emotionally unstable german war veteran, yes the wife thing isn’t mutual, and haha shes only 27~. I cling onto her so much?? She’s hits a lot of “edgy” points but I still love her cause idk,, the story I made for her is something I hold dear cause Alexzandra was one of my first ACTUALLY DEVELOPED CHARACTER. Is it wrong to say I hold her really close to my heart? Is that weird? probably a little cringy sorry haha. I probably project a little into her which might have strengthened my love for her ack. Her story delves more into the depression very unstable needs to talk to someone side and i get scared talking about my wife’s story online so uhh, idk ask me specific questions about her, I’ll be more inclined to talk.

Dr Watts! The spoiled ass dick that stole dst Wilson’s house and yes this is a dst oc, yes im slightly sorry.

He’s just fun?? almost ran a blog with him and a friend’s oc. He’s your typical uptight old science gramps that took advantage of the fact that no one knows his real name that he calls himself a doc. He’s not. I put everything about him up to a 9-10? He’s one of those wacky characters and I love him for it! His story is really wonky tho so might need help solidifying that part 

and from the angry old man to my sweet man that will adopt you even if you’re noisy or call him ginger. Pilot here is a TF2 OC I made to interact with other tf2 OCs cause some of them are fun and i wanna join in :((

He’s the Canadian stereotype, and yes, he adopted scout, that was one of my character notes. 

Like the actual cast of tf2, there’s barely any real story to him. I only gave him a vague I don’t know my past but hey, i fly really really well. He participated in war unlike certain men but he’s still really nice and will only kill you if you hurt his family. Which he doesn’t know so he just considers the cast his family. He keeps mentioning a wife though, pretty sure he doesn’t have one but you do what makes you happy son.

Ai! an oc I HEAVILY revamped oh my god i hate her old vers. So if yall remember my random shouting of missing my og son, Aru. Here’s his bff. cause he barely has any actual friends that give a shit. And I just cant have that. but here’s your yandere revamped into a last minute addition. I actually feel like I did Ai a lot of justice. I don’t want to delve too deep cause I will start making charts. I’ll do that in a separate post if yall are keen

Isamu Aena! a mp100 oc I made by accident cause idk,, I was thinking about lolita fashion and all of a sudden, the actual oc I was going to make turned into a mob psycho oc. She’s one of my few ocs where her sexuality matters (she’s gay yeah) cause it plays a role in her storyline. She went from being “manipulated”/used to Mob’s wingwomen. She spots out things that can help him in the romantic department cause she’s into romance. A student of the school Mob infiltrated and a fantastic tailor, not to mention a pretty decent pyschic. wait where do models get their lolita stuff from,,

im gonna ignore that and move onto Lillian Yi! Who, i swear i did not meant for it, is very close to lloyd. I mean,, none of the ninjas were with him after s3, who you think he’d meet. Lillian is a survivor from the Great Devourour and yes I’m still pissed LEGO stole my backstory for Lillian to use for Harumi. FUCK YOU LEGO, i still love both of em tho,, The event did leave a big scar and it made Lillian job jumping for a bit, ending at Chen’s Noodles in S6~, where ya know,, stuff got better. She was a medalist for gymnastics and continue the activity, even after her parents’ death, to please others. She was already lost at the time so staying in the sport would help, right? Needless to say, after being rejected at a cop academy for youths, or something similar, she gave up for a while but got back into the idea of saving people by using her skills she already had. It helped with the weight and feelings and meeting the green ninja was a very big bonus. Also Lloyd dubbed her the “mysterious stranger” when she refused to speak in fear of her identity, slight shame, and maybe a bit of being star struck. It helped Lloyd too in a sense where he had something to distract him from Zane’s passing.

 Their relationship was eventually formed, strong and almost unbreakable, except for harumi but uhh thats a different story. Throughout the seasons, they stayed close and lloyd was always comforted by Lillian went times get ruff.

Also Lillian is my most light-hearted characters and I think that says a lot

Then there’s Nite “I don’t want to be your dad”. A character that is supposed to be in the ninjago world but barely interacts with the main story and only stays in his self contained plot. He was supposed to get a bf but uhhh idk. He’s the master of shifting and streams that online, taking out small crimes, and is actually really shy and doesn’t like interacting with people.

also haha fortnite

Nora Akino, the sin of despair! its an ad thing, I think. She speaks only in a foreign language that only Odin understands and is either big gay for Ava or Maggi, she can’t pick. And yes she did drink the vial, when TITAN attacks your planet and you accidentally die, how else can you meet your family again? also my grandpa walked in and said she looks like royalty. cool-

she wouldn’t leave my hand for like,, 3 days or something

Petri, a fellow troublemaker at camp campbell’s music camp. She managed to pick the camp because apparently a parent who doesn’t acknowledge your hard work don’t read the fine print! Please let David adopt her,,

LASTLY! Yukimaru Atsuko, hero name; Gummie. She goes by Yuki and is a big dick. She’s a studious student but gets more thrills on the actual battlefield. Living with her uptight grandma and her big bottom energy bro, she has the dom energy thing going. and apparently folks on G+, or the people who comment about her, thinks she’s really pretty, which was oddly a thing back before UA. She’s the dick you can like, not like Bakugou but she will definitely want to fight Bakugou. 

A gum-related quirk is not full of perks when its only your hands. I’d dive more into her like her insecurities and stuff but I’ve been here for probably 3hrs. Sorry anon.

Also I’m so sorry to anyone who reads this all the way through.

[tinycamembert]

can i get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh , marian and cyanthia (also i see your ask but my responsibilities have come back to bite me so it MAY take a while to get done but eventually. i will)

Marian

favorite thing about them: uuughhhhgfjkdkjd i love her........... i think it has to be how she takes younger players or less experienced players like logan or whinter and becomes a mentor to them and gives them support bc she knows how it feels.... like the fact that one of the reasons she chose whinter was bc she understood his financial situation and wanted to give him a chance. im emoleast favorite thing about them: Bad At Communication fdjfdk but i dont mean it like its a bad development of her character? like i think it makes her a v well-rounded and realistic character lol. but girl..... quit avoiding ur problems n face that shit head on u know. u can do itfavorite line: probably the page in final match where she says something along the lines of "you guys have worked really hard and no matter what happens, i'm proud of you...... NOW GET OUTTA HERE" fsdkjfhds. honorable mention the time she called whinter starfish brainbrOTP: her and the rest of splat jam like i said for logan, also her and clem! and i want her and cyanthia to be friends lol i just feel like past any initial Weirdness they'd have bc Same Crush they'd probably get along pretty well, the same way arnick and cyanthia are buds yknowOTP: Maribella The End (although if vadelma gets more consistent development in bup i wouldnt be upset if they end up together bc i feel like its p expected yknow? they both gotta work some stuff out before it really seems viable imo, but unless its really horribly done im not gonna be mad at a canon lesbian romance in a series that im a fan of)nOTP: i mean. marian with any guy. like shes a lesbian who has two really viable and interesting female love interests right there in the comic. anyone who seriously wants to ship her with some dude who she probably has like two lines with in canon if that.........? such bad taste lol cant relate sorry random headcanon: hm i have a good deal of headcanons abt her... but one is that she probably has a very dry sense of humor that pops up unexpectedly and No One is ready for it bc she's serious most of the timeunpopular opinion: kinda referred to it above but if she still has lingering feelings or has unresolved issues from her relationship with bella, her and vadelma would not realistically last or have a good relationship... its not gonna be convincing in canon if we see how marian has such a strong history w bella and then it never gets resolved before she moves onsong i associate with them: comeback kid by sleigh bells and bishops knife trick by fall out boy bc i love crying. i gotta make a playlist for her at some pointfavorite picture of them: 

couldn’t just choose one... there are more ofc but for the sake of space here’s 2

Cyanthia

favorite thing about them: she doesn't take shit from anyone! even tho she's "delicate" as tammy says and gets hurt easily she's still tough and really skilled at her sport and thats just Relatable For Me Babey !least favorite thing about them: boy i sure wish she had a solid personality or more than like three canon lines. tammy has acknowledged this before so i hope she gets more focus in bup (ik she's not a super prominent character in the story and thats fine but that doesn't mean she should be like... totally neglected in terms of content yknow)favorite line: "Oh! If it isn't the manipulative seacow who got Belladonna out of the team because she had a crush on the captain." LIKE...... SHE REALLY DID THAT. GO OFFbrOTP: i like that she and arnick are friends!! like i said for tetrox i just wanna see toxink shenanigans all day long.. also although i can totally see how she and tetrox wouldn't get along at first but if the whole team is so close i think they'd become really good friends eventually! OTP: bellanthia!! i do prefer bella ending up with marian in the end but bellanthia is still rly good and i like their dynamic and i will never complain when we get content of them because its so rare fkdjsfhsnOTP: literally any guy considering she canonically hates men lmfao just dont (like there was that ask where tammy said something along the lines of  "arnick is the only guy she can really tolerate" lmfao)random headcanon: she's really into fashion and gives everyone on toxink outfit advice whether they want it or not jfdhkfjs. also she's rly good at makeup and the rest of toxink let her practice new looks on them unpopular opinion: idk if this is unpopular but like.... that quote about vadelma getting bella kicked off the team? she was right and she should say itsong i associate with them: you should see me in a crown by billie eilish. its Gothfavorite picture of them:

subtle cheek squish. nice (also any picture where she’s being Gay for bella and making that face where she’s like “WOW i like this girl. wow”)

[flamewyrmz]

a late night rant from twitter im putting in one place, because its a trainwreck of several threads there. mostly copy/paste and still not proofread, but a collection of thoughts on gender, sexuality, personal identity, and love and support within the lgbtq community. i do really lay myself bare here so id like to ask that if you disagree or have criticism you do so respectfully and with that in mind, thank you <3 and if this means something to you itd mean the world to me if you shared it

dunno if ive said this here before but like. if you think you might be bi/pan but youre on the fence cos maybe youve never had a crush on a nonfictional guy or get more crushes on guys than on girls and you find yourself tied up in knots like "well im gay but im also attracted to nonbinary people unless theyre mostly woman-aligned but i dont wanna say im bi/pan because then people will think i like girls and like i like them theoretically but--" let go. just say fuck it! im bi/pan! 

try it out and if it doesnt feel right it doesnt feel right and thats fine and in the end no matter what youll have learned a little about yourself. this is actually my advice on any gender/sexuality dilemmas you might be having. go wild. try it out. see how it feels. dont feel like you have to confine yourself to something just because youve stuck with it for some amount of time. 

if youre questioning dive right into the deep end! no matter how it goes youll be a better swimmer in the end. its all not quite rigid and a little fluid anyways (for some more than others obv) so if youre unsure, man... go for it. its ok to backpedal

--

this is important advice to me because ive struggled with it multiple times in the past and this has only recently clicked and i really wish it had sooner. first it was with being... not straight in general. like i was actively dating someone of the same gender and i never considered that that meant, uh, im not straight. always "do you like boys or girl?" "uhhhhhhhhh. uh. UH" 

then with being in the range of aro/ace spect. then with being nonbinary! then with being nb but primarily male. and then goddammit im just a boy. accepting that God I Love Men And Only Men (and with it that i *wasnt* aro or ace in ANY capacity) and then, very recently (like up until a couple months ago. like im p sure this year. not 2017), going back on that and admitting i was bi. it is so so freeing to just say "fuck it" and test those waters!

hell, you find something you resonate with but looks a little silly? go for it! use those bun/buns/bunself pronouns. go with stargender! ace-flux demibiromantic? hell yeah rock that shit! it can always change and you can always decide its not right and go back! h4y dudes

--

all of that especially goes for teens who dont know what the fuck theyre doing. im only 20 yea and barely 20 at that but man i wish id heard this sooner

and please dont take that as me saying "well if youre a lesbian sexuality is fluid and maybe youre actually bi"! hell no. if youre a lesbian and you KNOW youre and lesbian and couldnt ever be anything else then rock on you funky little lesbian! but if you id as a lesbian but are teetering on something like "well im attracted to some fictional and theoretical men but not any real ones and maybe its just compulsory heterosexuality but im not sure and--" dont be afraid to try a different label. its all what feels right to you and theres absolutely no harm

--

people bash on like. """mogai genders""" and nounself pronouns and the split attraction model and all that and like. yeah! those things can hurt people! personally i struggled with the split attraction bit combined with how broadly people define the ace spectrum. it can be used to hurt. and it is used to hurt. sometimes its deliberate, sometimes its not. but the hurt is there. but its not inherently good or bad. 

and yeah, some of it sounds silly. hell, it sounds silly to me sometimes! but to some people hearing that label makes everything click into place, even if just for a little bit, and i take that very seriously. it is one of the best feelings in the world and i want as many lgbtq people (of any age) to experience it. 

for some people it feels right to zoom waaaaaaay in and section it into lots of little bits and for others its "fuck it! i dont know shit! im just queer!" and those are both equally valid (that words been thru 12 garbage disposals but i cant think of a better one) maybe you go back n forth and thats fine too! as long as youre open to it changing or being wrong it cant hurt and, like i said, its one of the best possible feelings to have it click like that

--

as an aside: being bi can *totally* mean "im attracted to men and nonbinary people are long are they arent primarily woman-aligned" or it can mean "im attracted to everyone fuck it" personally? i use bi over pan because i feel like it better encapsulates that i *do* have preferences (i say this all the time but God I Love Men) but ultimately gender doesnt really matter to me cos everyones cute and hot and generally attractive and im not leaving anyone out because im just a little more inclined to kissing boys. but thats me!

--

as Another aside: i do still to some degree identify with uhh this is gonna sound contradictory but agender boy? or more like boy agender? boygender with left none? i just dont personally feel like its worth taking the time to explain over n over. but it used to be, for me, n i dont regret that a single bit! i wouldnt regret that even if i *didnt* still feel that way in any capacity. honestly? 

i dont regret any of the ways ive identified in the past even though feeling stuck and cornered into some got a little harmful to me (and if youve gone through somethin similar and DO regret it and wish youd never heard whatever term you used thats good too. im very strongly advocating for "use whatever labels you want and if it dont fit it dont fit" here but if they did hurt you and youre still hurting about it i understand 100% just dont use it to pull others down. if it concerns you say your piece and let them decide)

--

this is personally a little hard to admit so bear with me here 

honestly? ANY sort of strong identity didnt start developing in me until i was.... 14 or so? and very slowly at that. like gender evened out around 18 and sexuality just a few months ago LMAO. but up until i was a teenager i didnt really feel much of anything re: gender or attraction (and the attraction thing is pretty normal for kids and even teens tbqh!) 

and i just.... didnt really think about it! i had This Name and apparently was a girl and i didnt really get what it was like to BE a girl but thats what people said and i didnt know there were other options so i went with it! the name didnt bother me either (except for when people made jokes about a Certain Historical Figure with the same one. just thinking about that i get tired) 

and when it came time to actually grapple with the whole concept of being *into* people i just kinda... slunk away! no joke until like 10th grade if someone started a rumor that i was dating x or y had a crush on me i would start to avoid them entirely. lost a friend in 4th grade that way but then in hs hed turned into a TOTAL DICK so no loss there. i think part of that was also people making the assumption that i was straight though? big shrug! 

i didnt even realize attraction was a thing i had until i got asked out and just kind of "oh wow??? that sounds so nice??? i feel the same??? yes??" and thats WHY i went thru varying aro/ace labels. cos it unfolded slowly (which again is totally normal if youre a teenager, so dont worry about it if youre going thru that. roll with the punches. and if youre a teen and youve got it figured out? thats totally normal too!) 

and the gender thing was similar once i learned that it was an actual possibility (especially being nb, and ESPECIALLY especially being agender) i slowly just... poked at it until i figured something out (fun fact: what set me off to finally go "fuck it im not a girl at all" was being stuck in an awful hair salon chair while my mom got a haircut that took FOREVERRRRRRRRR and i was having godawful period cramps. like i knew not being a girl wouldnt DO anything about them but i made that decision then n there n didnt look back!) 

and then i kept pokin at it and watching it like the seed id planted finally started to sprout and i realized i didnt actually know what kind of seed it WAS. i guess ive always been very nebulous in those aspects and its just now forming into something solid. like i said, its a little hard to admit and i... dont think ive actually talked about this in this depth before to, like, anyone? 

because the "oh ive always known" narrative is the only one you ever see in popular media and sometimes even from the community itself! and theres nothing wrong with having always known! but theres also nothing wrong with being like me! but i still feel a little anxious talking about it like it somehow means im a sham. 

hell, id even go so far as to say i WAS a girl as a kid! i WAS varying shades of agender and nonbinary and ???? as a teen, and i AM, like, 95% a guy right now! maybe in a few years ill be something else. none of those things contradict each other. things like that can change! its not set in stone (but like i said: for some people it is! or, like, set in slime that you left out for 5 years so now its pretty much a rock but if you really try it still squishes into something else?? none of these things invalidate the others! were all unique). 

i wouldnt say that at any point ive been cis or straight, cos even when i just went with being a girl and stuff it was always a little ??? but, yknow. even if i HAD been those things at some point it wouldnt matter to me? things just are the way they are and were the way they were

--

im making myself really vulnerable here and my thought process is a mess and i ramble and repeat myself and my memory and attention span is like 2 seconds and i dont proofread but. its important i think. i dont have a lot of followers and fewer still thatre active but... that really doesnt matter. 

maybe someone will retweet at least one of these messy, messy threads. maybe link it to a friend. maybe screenshot it and post it on tumblr [note: LMAO YEAH AND ITS YOU DUMBASS], or to keep for themself. if any of my words help anyone out even a little then it matters and honestly? then its the most important thing in the whole danged world. if even one person sees any of the things ive said tonight and it means *anything* to them, even if just "oh, im not alone in this" then ive succeeded here. 

i dont want any of us to ever feel trapped or alone because shit! lifes too fuckin short for that! its goddamn hard being anything but cisgender and straight! sometimes it sucks! like really sucks! there have been so many times ive broken down completely over being trans and felt like, for myself, its the most awful thing in the world. its why prides so important. its why community is so important. 

because even when the pressure of the world brings you down so low you think youll never escape theres something or someone there to take your hand and pull you back up, put you on your feet, and say "i know its hard. and itll get hard again. but i believe in you, and youre strong enough for this, and im here with you through every step". that goes for anyone but especially goes for us. and im not just talking about lgbtq youth here. all of us. which is *why* im laying myself completely bare here. 

most of this stuff? ive either never talked about or only vaguely mentioned. but im putting it out there. because there was a point where i needed it but didnt have it, and even if its just one person, i want to give someone this advice so at least they dont have to deal with the same stuff i did. and if youre reading this? i love you. im here for you. im my dms are always open and if for some reason they arent its almost definitely an accident and if you say something ill reopen them. 

and if youre someone who hates me? maybe even mutually? if it came down to it id let you come to me at your lowest moment, no questions asked, no judgement held, and at the end of it still be the same kind of enemies we were before and never speak again. there are some exceptions of course but honestly ill forgive a lot for someone who needs that kind of support. and if youre one of the people this applies to, i know youll probably never take me up on it. i dont expect you to. i dont expect you to even for a second be comfortable with that idea. thats fine. but if for some reason you ever need it, its there. 

i can count on one hand the ex friends that i wouldnt give that to and thats ONLY because theyve legitimately hurt me and left lasting damage (and for some of them? its mutual. and im sorry for that, regardless of how i feel about your treatment of me im truly sorry for my actions. that probably sounds fake and anyway i digress) 

and if youre a complete stranger? someone who follows me but has never interacted with anything ive posted? a mutual i havent spoken to yet? im here. and im bumbling, and awkward, and not the best at comfort but you can always come to me if you need someone. im only one man and im under a lot of stress but i swear ill do the best i can, even if its only reading and replying 3 days later and even then just listening and offer whatever gentle comfort or reassurance youll accept. 

because thats important to me. thats the impact i want to leave on this world. i dont ever want anyone to feel as small, as scared, as worthless, as alone as i have. im no fighter. im not going to lead any revolutions and hell im too anxious to even go to protests but im here for support. im here to help and heal. and thats important too

--

and if you listened to that? thank you. if you just skimmed? thank you for that too. if you shared it with someone? thank you (so much). and if you dont? thank you anyways, just for the time

just know this: i love you. i dont care who you are, if youre reading this i love you and im behind you 100%. im here if you need it. stay strong, do something that makes you smile if only for a moment. take that leap of faith. dont restrict yourself for even a second

i meant to go to bed at least two hours ago so goodnight <3 be safe, drink some water, if you have any kind of pet give it some love. take care of yourself. youre the most important person in your own world and never forget that, even if you dont think you are. even if theres something or someone you treasure above everything else. dont diminish your own worth! you are alive, and you are here, and theres nothing more important than that, really. the things you love matter more than anything else. hold them close

[syxsol-blog]

hey guys. not so happy annoucement this time, but bear with me

I have health issues that i need to focus on for now, so ive decided to leave the directory (a wandering ghost of a character around the ship doesn’t really help development of the directory you know??). i know it seems really sudden, but i wouldn’t leave like this if it wasnt really important for me to. I love everyone here, i love the story line, and i love watching everyone create these super detailed characters to drive along the plot.

however, im a pretty sappy person, so ive decided to write some personal goodbyes. some of you i didnt get to speak with on as regular of a basis, but i still read your stuff on dash and appreciated you creating a story and experiecing that passion second hand. without further hesitation...

@sysidereus​ you’re married to multiple people but i GUESS that’s fine. as long as im the number one wife, it’s okay. ;) I love talking to you, even if it’s unrelated to the directory or just random shit about tv shows like jane the virgin (i still wanna make that meme board including the entire crew of serenity). we vibe well, and you’re an incredible writer. sid has always been one of my favorite muses here, and the one thing i regret-- TWO things i regret are not being able to talk you as much, and not being able to see sol and sid become best friends but sorta gay. like naruto and sasuke. honestly i adore you, and i hope i see you around again.

@syxephraim​ babe babe babe Bae. I know you’ve been worrying about my disappearance acts for a while, but ill say it a hundred times over. you’re one of the best rp partners ive ever had. no contest, really. you’re incredibly sweet and wonderful, too. the plot between eph and sol is one of my favorite plots ive ever had, and I’ve had a LOT of plots, trust me. there’s nothing quite like finding a writer like you who i can trade headcanons back and forth so seamlessly until it becomes this story that’s bigger than i ever imagined. there is not one moment i regret logging in to send you a message, even just a quick one before i fell off the earth. i wish i had more time to develop the relationship between sol and ephraim. spoiler for you: Sol is in love with ephraim, and he has been since he left persephone. He loves that boy down to his core, and there’s no changng that. I hope to return one day so I can write with you again. You’re loved, angel. Don’t doubt that.  

@kamorasy​ what’s funny is our characters always end up in brother/sister roles together. you have me on twitter, too, so we won’t lose contact, but you still get a sweet message from me because *clenches fists meme* I just love you that much. we knew each other from vanta black, too. and girl... your characters are like discovering treasure. so complex, well thought out, and experately played. we’re always able to headcanon w each other (altho for some reason we can never quite actually rp). but i never have a problem writing with you. it runs like clockwork. take care of yourself, okay? & if you ever need someone to drive away a strange man that hits on you, call me up

@syjaewon​ Queen Bee. you’ve been really understanding with everything and i can’t even say how much i appreciate that. like... wow. two directories we’ve known each other, and in each one, im awed by you. jaewon is an unforgettable muse, he really is, and you’re unforgettable mun, you really are. you’ve built an amazing place for people to come to and feel safe to express and write stories together. in all my rp years, ive only seen that a few times. thank you for letting me be a part of serenity, and you know where to find me if you ever need me. <3

@syxhenry​ Hi, doll. sorry that goodbyes have come down to this long ass message full of sap. i still think it’s hilarious that you were in kingsman & i didnt realize that till much later. there’s something very special about your characters. they’re all so well done, and the way you write them makes you want to keep reading everything about them. i’m lucky that i did get to write with you in not one, but two different places. henry and sol’s relationship didn’t develop quite as far as i would have loved to see them go, but there’s always more opportnities. i loved talking to you about characters, and plotting out the bizarre admiration sol has for henry. and i will always probably ship henry/noi. can you blame me?

@syaudrey​ im crying in the club right now because i have to say goodbye to one of the muns of a kickass engineering lady. you make me happy bc of how you are as a person, and the fact you’re writing about characters people don’t normally write about. can i just say how much i love the fact that audrey is asexual and amazing and complex and hilariously prickly all in one? sol and audrey are so funny bc all sol wants is to be friends with her, and she finds his bubbly attitude suspicious. i wish we’d gotten to rp that relationship to completion. we only started talking more frequently for a little bit, but omg i wish id had more time to chat with you. you’re so great and so is your muse. i only wish you the best, babe.

@sysullivan​ i only hope you can forgive me... maybe if i get on my knees. we had a lot of plans, and im sad we didnt get to write them out together. maybe some day, right? you’re one of the first people i talked to a LOT here, and i just want to thank you for humoring me, especially when i would send you the most ridiculous ideas or thoughts about things. also, i was the one that sent that secret admirer message that one time. ;))))) sol’s little crush on sullivan was really fun for me to write out, even if i only got to for a short time. what i like about you the most as a writer is how much thought and detail you put into your characters. absolutely blows my mind, honestly it does. i hope you never stop writing that way. you’re brilliant. thank you for sticking with me

@syxyihan​ you NEVER fail to make me smile, it’s incredible. plus writing with you is always really fun-- i had the most fun writing with you because you’re not afraid to be silly or a little ridiculous. i love both versions of your muse with all my heart, and i enjoyed every second i did get to speak with you. you’re in the wind now, like i am, but i still hope you see this. your creations are some of my favorite to see, and i really hope you keep writing. there’s a particular quality about your writing that makes you want to keep reading and reading and reading, and you’re sad when you reach the end of it because you want to see more. i loved the relationships between our characters even if they were short lived... and for the love of god i need real closure with yihan and henry. im crying. BUT. ill just write fanfic for them instead. LMAOO. your writing is gorgeous, it really is. best of luck to you <3 thank you

@syxmina​ mina is my kick ass cool aunt :( you’re one of the first people i interacted with... and their dynamic is sol being the annoying little kid who almost gets killed by mina all the time. yet, i love that. she never really killed him and deep down i like to think she still sort of... tolerates him in a positive way. i love mina will all of my sol (LMAO LET ME BE LAME). the way you play her is great to see. i hope you keep writing, and continue to spread your creativity. it’s worth wtinessing every time

@syxsonmi​ WE NEVER GOT tooooo WRITE. i’ll always remember you becuase you plotted that super cool, super dark plot with me right from the start. it takes a certain person to go crazy with that subject material right along with me, BUT YOU STILL DID AND I ADORE YOU FOR IT. you’re also a dreamcatcher fan and i gotta protect my fellow dreamcatcher friends. siyeon is my wife and ill worship her until i die but i digress. i love sonmi, and im sad we never got to write out that super cool plot. i only hope you can forgive me for disappearing on you. i loved watching sonmi develop beyond her trauma. you write her well, and this rp wouldnt be the same without you

@sybyul​ you thought i wouldn’t mention you, didn’t you? Well, think again. we didn’t get to writing that super awesome dynamic between our characters, but it’ll live on in my head and ill always remember you fondly. 1) you’re a really talented writer. 2) you’re really funny lmao afFALSKJKl. i wish i had more time with you, but maybe ill come back, or maybe we’ll run into each other again in a different directory. your writing is gorgeous, i never get tired of reading your application ( i think ive read it at least five times ). no lie. sorry that we have to part ways like this, but i really did enjoy being around you. remember to watch ice spiders or dragon wars & hate me for bringing that into your life. <3

at @ everyone else.

you make this place unforgettable, you really do. ive been here for a while, although i have been a ghost, i still logged in to keep up with the activity and the development of everyone’s characters. i don’t regret one moment or one second i spent here. one reason i didn’t write a solo of sol leaving is because i hope to return, i really do. but for now

you’re all talented, and I enjoyed watching all of you be so creative and passionate about this place. i love all of you. and since ive already been sappy, ill be a little even more sappy. remember to be kind to people, take care of yourselves, and keep writing.

see you, space cowboy

<3

[kenmaash]

huge ass vent

huge fucking vent ahead:

two of the people i'm ab to talk about follow me and i'm in deep shit if a certain one of them sees this (ALSO JAMIE IF UR READING THIS SHUT UR GODDAMN MOUTH AT SCHOOL)

i'll be using fake names for everyone but if anyone involved is reading this, they'll know who they are

ok so my love life is fucking WEIRD ok?

my first relationship was in early august 2019 and with this girl we’ll call jess. i had liked jess for like 2 months and finally got the balls to ask her out. she said yes and we went on like 2 dates before she broke up with me. she said that it would be ‘too hard to date someone who didn’t go to the same school as her’ which tf, and also she didn’t want her moms to know. even though they literally already knew. 

either way, i developed a crush on a girl in my class named ‘rose’ pretty fast but it was only a “shit she’s hot” crush so it did nothing. and that only lasted like 9 months simply thinking she was hot as fuck and nothing romantic.

that same year in november, i met this person named angel (fake name) at a dance. they were wearing a suit but also makeup and i was like “uh yes i want this one please” so i asked them out. well, my friend asked them out for me. angel an i exchanged numbers and started dating. we dated FOR 5 MONTHS before angel finally told me that they only had platonic feelings for me and had only liked me as a friend this whole time. i was so relieved because i felt the same way but was too scared to say anything. we’re still best friends and they’re still number one on my prettiest people list (ily ‘angel’ lol). they also helped me figure out my sexuality and gender identity so i owe a lot to them <3

ok here’s where the fucking weird shit starts.

(the rest is below the cut)

WEIRD ASS LOVE LIVE CONTINUED

ok here’s where the fucing weird shit starts.

in march-ish of 2020, i met this girl online named allie. we were best friends for 2 months before she confessed to me and we started dating. i fell in love super fast and ended up breaking up with her because i was afraid of what being in love with someone i hadn't met in person would come out to. the two weeks we were separated were the worst two weeks of my whole life (at the time) and i couldn't live without her. one of my best online friends confessed to me and i was just kinda like :’) and pretended to like her until i just couldn’t anymore.

like a week after that, i apologized and explained myself and we got back together. just for allie's mom to find out about us in august and block me, take her phone, threaten me and allie, and leave it at that. 

a little while later, i started talking to this girl (also online bc im literally stupid and didn't learn my lesson) and we started dating. that one lasted a week before i realized how much we weren't compatible. she was cool to have as a friend, but she was way too clingy and obsessive for me. i broke up with her and said i would wait for allie because she was much kinder to me and better for me.

a month or so later, a girl at my school (we'll call her taylor) admitted she liked me. i was up for dating because i thought it would help me get over allie.

it didn't, and i broke up with taylor after 'dating' for 2 days. (a pattern starts here)

allie's birthday was in october, and i tried to text her to see if she would respond, just wishing her a happy birthday etc.

she answered me.

allie and i talked for a little bit and i asked if she still had feelings for me and if it was still okay for me to call her my girlfriend. she said no, and it literally crushed me. she said that she was actually aromatic (doesn't feel romantic attraction) and i helped her figure that out. because she didn't love me.

so you can imagine how i felt then,,, i was so upset but obviously i didn't tell her. i asked if we could still be friends and she said yes. i had to leave to go to school so we said bye and i left. that afternoon, after school, i texted her again and asked how her birthday had gone. my message didn't deliver. the next day i asked if she blocked me, just to be sure. didn't deliver. so i tried again the next week and of course it didn't deliver. i tried to forget about her after that, but i still woke up every morning worried that something happened. fast forward to late december, when i developed feelings for one of my best friends (we'll call her sam).

my best friend figured out that sam liked me too, and we started dating. it lasted 48 hours before she told me she actually didn’t like me like that. (see what i meant about a pattern? it keeps going)

new years eve! i’m hanging out with my best friend and they decide to text allie. remember her? so allie answers and says she actually unlocked me a little while ago. so i text her from my phone and we talk.

only to have this girl tell me she’s actually not aromantic, she’s cis straight and has a boyfriend (she used she/they and identified as a lesbian when i dated her), and she lied to me the entire time we dated. she said she never loved me and she was “lying to herself as much as she was lying at me”. then she starts quoting bible verses at me and says “i don’t have a problem with other people being gay, i just can’t be. i just can’t”. and my friend and i agreed that she’s probably in denial and her church brainwashed her after her mom found out about us.

so she says that shE WONT BLOCK ME BUT WONT TEXT ME UNTIL WE’RE 18 (very soon) SO WE CAN MEET???????????? AND SHE WANTS TO MEET ME AND BE MY FRIEND????????????????? so i blocked her ass

-[let me bring up a creepy dream real quick. a few nights earlier, i had a dream that i met allie and we just hung out as romantic partners. she kissed me, hugged me, and i said goodbye. she just smiled sadly and said “sayonara, ash” WHICH IK HUGE BANANA FISH VIBES BUT in japan, “sayonara” is only supposed to be used if you’re never going to see someone again. in the dream she said sayonara to me and then this happened. i’ll never see the girl i knew again…]-

after that encounter happened, me and my best friend agreed that 2021 would be our year of getting over the people we’ve been in love with since march (allie for me and this other girl in our friend group for them). then 2021 came...

on like the 10th of this month (january lol), this girl in my class started flirting with me. i flirted back bc there’s no harm in that yk lol. she was straight but ended up turning queer because of me. i went WAY too fast and shoved myself into a relationship with (we’ll call he summer). she ignored me the entire time the ‘relationship’ happened. it lasted 48 fucking hours (i’m really just moving through these girls in my friend group like thatttt) before i told her i rushed myself and didn’t actually have feelings for her. she was like “lol fine” and then badmouthed me to our entire grade for the rest of the week. she was on our friend group group chat and started badmouthing me there too, but one of my best friends just removed summer’s sorry ass and we all blocked her on everything. i’ve been in this friend group for 6 years and she’d only been officially in it for a week, so idk why i was so surprised that my friends were so loyal to me through this whole thing.

ANYWAYS, the day after i broke up with summer, i realized i had feelings for sam again. i’m not going to act on them because i love her too much as a best friend, but the feelings are there and she follows me so im kinda dying lol. (i also figured out recently that she didn’t rly understand relationships and though that people who dated only dated when they were fully in love with each other, and she was in love with me back in december and had been for a while. she only fell out of love when i reciprocated,,, so uh :D)

i also spend $80 on stuff for sam yesterday and my fucking caRd dECLINED WTFFFFFFF AMAZON??

,

,

,

,

,

tyvm for sitting through this, anyone who decided to do that <33

[iyliss]

Was tagged by @lily-liegh and @scattered-irises (and i can't believe i now have more and more friends out there. I love you guys so much).

Rules: Write down 10 facts about yourself and tag 10 followers you want to know better

1. I have some weird aesthetic taste. IRL, I only like the female spectrum. I just can't judge the appearance of someone more male, while I can always say if i find a girl pretty or not (and usually they are omg girls are so pretty).  In fiction, it's the opposite. I can't say much about female characters' design, but some male character are so visually pleasing. In the end I have more friend on the female spectrum, and more fav characters on the male spectrum.

2. Even weirder is that i prefer het broship and gay/lesbian ship. Somehow, in a bond between two characters of the same gender, I can easily see a romantic attraction. But between two characters of different gender, it'll be more platonic. Well i can still ship het pairing and i have some boy/boy and girl/girl brotp  but i have this strange favoritism

3. I just love relating nightcore to ygo characters. I can spend hours going through the weebest nightcore, and imagine what character it would correspond to and imagine how the fan art would be and all.

4. I like 13 feet long verse. I sometime write poetry just in 13 feet cuz i like the rythm of it. Also, I love alliterations and asonances.

5. Speaking of poetry, I like to write some stupid song lyrics based on my current obsession. I don't usually save them, I only write them to get out a bit of my overflowing passion.

6. I have two type of fav characters. Those I imagine only fluffy stuff about, how they grow better in their relationship and just really pure things; and those I imagine only angst about, and hardly find any good end for them. I think it's mostly because I relate more to some of my fav more than to others.

7. For all the time I make fun of alloromantic people for how messy their relationship with their crush are, I am actually incredibly awkward when it comes to tell a friend I love them if im not used to. I can spend hours just telling someone I love them and Im so glad they exist in my life but I feel like it's to strange so I avoid doing it. Im mostly afraid of them thinking it's romantic while no I just love my friends a lot.

8. Even tho talking with other ygo-loving friends made me slowly open up about it and more comfortable, I still have a hard time talking about it with strangers or showing how much i love it. I can see my progress tho, and I could never be thankful enough to all the people I met through ygo that made me braver.

9. I have a lot of stories, aus, and hcs about ygo ive never posted here. either because I can already talk about it with someone and I don't think anyone would be interested, either because it's just too strange (like i have two whole stories based on ygo, one being a classic series, one about the card game and it's strangely well developed. the only common point is that they have the same protagonist).

10. I paint shirt with ygo stuff. It can go from making a character's shirt (yusei, yuma, and even if it isnt a shirt, vector, astral and ignis) or just references (the most glorious one is "came for wars, stayed for pancakes" that no one in the world could ever understand). I now have enough of them to never wear anything that isnt ygo-related and im incredibly happy about it. Im currently hesitating of making a "it's d-time" shirt, I don't want people to think Im allosexual.

So I guess I only have @sleepy-space-nerd to tag (but if you want to do it please do, that why I can see who'd like to be tagged in the future).

[meepface]

boyyyyy am i sad please ignore this while i try n distract myself 

1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

definitely

2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused?

taken

3: What if I told you that you were pretty?

i’d say thank u i appreciate being complimented

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?

no but i told my first boyfriend that guess who’s cringin

5: Are you interested in anyone right now? 

yeah my gf

6: What are you looking forward to in the next week?

idk i kind of want to take an entire week off but i have classes n stuff. i hope i get to see my friends some time next weekend i really miss hanging out with my friend Kate

7: Do you want to be single?

nah i love my gf a lot

8: Did you go out or stay in last night?

i stayed in and watched that stanford prison experiment movie w my family which was really cool

9: How late did you stay up last night?

1 am 

10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot? 

i realized i like my gf a lot like senior year of hs and look at us now

11: Last three things you had to drink?

water x 3 im boring

12: Have you pretended to like someone?

did you mean: my straight phase

13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?

absolutely not

14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?

yes

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

uhh i think i move on kinda quick but also no relationship or crush i had before my current gf were very serious so idk

16: Think back five months ago, were you single?

no

17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? 

i was in the backseat of my car w my gf parked at this park and my mom drove by us and she didn’t see us or realize it was my car but man was that awkward

18: Hold hands with anyone this week? 

yeah

19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? 

yeah

20: What would you name your future daughter?

uhhh idk i like the name grace a lot

21: Do you miss anyone?

yeah

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?

no

23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed

not my last one but i did kiss my gf on her bed today

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

yeah

25: Have you ever cried from being so mad?

yes that’s why i get scared to tell people when i’m mad at them bc i always cry about it

26: Who did you last see in person?

my brother, we were watching videos from the weird side of youtube just a min ago

27: Are you listening to music right now?

no i’m in a weird mood where even listening to music seems overwhelming rn. it’s been a day

28: What is something you currently want right now?

to go to sleep. i finally get a day to sleep in tomorrow and i’m takin the whole damn day off i’m tired

29: What is the last thing you said out loud?

“why did peppa pig’s parents murder their kids”, in reference to a very weird youtube video my brother and i watched

30: How is your heart lately?

not to be edgy but it’s been so sad sometimes i get chest pain just from bein sad

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? 

sometimes ya

32: Are you wearing socks?

no

33: What do people call you?

elyse, mom, dad, elly, that one ginger, my gay friend

34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? 

she just texted me

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?

a whooooole lot of em

36: Who did you last share a bed with?

my gf and i laid in her bed for a while today

37: Did you do something good today?

tried to

38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?

i hugged my dad this morning

39: Do you get stressed out easily?

yeah

40: Did you sing today?

no

41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?

yeah all the time

42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone?

my gf or my friend stein or my friend joe or my friend elissa sometimes my brother or my mom or i just vent here or on my sideblog

43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?

no

44: What are you listening to right now?

my brother playing his new batman game in the other room

45: What is wrong with you right now?

got my hopes up again

46: What is on your wrists right now?

my tattoos

47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing

forever 21 probably

48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider?

hot chocolate

49: Do you make wishes at 11:11?

no

50: Are you a good artist?

nah i’m alright

51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?

can be

52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?

idk things were just as bad then i’m pretty sure. make it 7 and then yeah

53: Ever been on a golf cart?

yes

54: Do you have trust issues?

i’ve sorta started to develop them. used to trust too easily and now all that does to me is make me wanna die

55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who?

i stayed up until like 3:30 AM skyping some girl i liked a long time ago, i don’t talk on the phone tbh

56: Do you own something from Hot Topic?

i have some angsty band shirts and some chokers my emo friend bought me

57: Do you use chapstick?

every day. gotta love that burt’s bees

58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face?

yes

59: Do you have a little sister?

no a lil brother

60: Have you ever been to New York?

yes i was just there for my second time before Christmas last year !! it was nice but v cold. also i was a lot more hyped about it the first time i went, bc the second time i was a lil :/ the whole time. maybe i was just bein moody

61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

yes

62: Have you hugged someone within the last week?

yes

63: What were you doing at midnight last night?

crying

64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? 

no

65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

yes

66: Were your last three kisses from the same person?

yes

67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?

yes

68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?

tonight i’m in a Mood and i wanna be alone but sleepin by my gf is nice

69: Will next Friday be a good one?

i have the day off so i am hoping so

70: Are you happy?

honestly not to sound emo again but i’ve been the least happy i have ever been the last six or so months

[mercenarypark]

tf2 gender/sexuality hcs since i never posted them here bear in mind i typed most this out at like 2 AM #transitioning #long post #text heavy 

for clarities sake: tf2 has a really confusing universe that is both incredibly modern[esp technologically] and very backwards, due to australium’s influence and the time period. so while i wont go into too much detail, i generally assume tf2′s universe is pretty advanced when it comes 2 gender stuff like hormones, surgery, etc, but the mindset of society at large is still kinda hit or miss, since the series mostly takes place in, well. the 60s-70s. i dont wanna detail that too much though bcause it makes me uncomfortable, but its smth 2 keep in mind for all these

medic is a BIG GAY,, im not totally dead set on whether he’s gay or if he’s bi w/ a definite preference for men. he’s a nonbinary man, he figured out he was trans very early in life, the nonbinary part he figured out later; he uses it/its pronouns some of the time [but most ppl go w/ he/him, which he’s fine with]. he’s known he was gay+trans since he was very young but much like his jewishness, it was something he had to hide for a long time, until he was in college and decided to Finally be open about all of those. and G-d help the man who challenges him on them

heavy is gay aaaaand he’s like, none gender with left man [so hes also a nonbinary guy, but he/him only]; he’s generally very private about both his gender and his sexuality. his father’s death and the gulag taught him to keep quiet about anything that might paint a target on his back, unless he knows he can strike back.

spy is genderfluid and bi, alternates he/she/they pronouns[though using just he/him is fine too if thats too difficult], presents however the hell she wants on a given day; usually wears skirts while at the base just bcause its more comfortable to them. spy doesnt really pay much mind to her gender, doesnt really see it as something important, at least not to them. how someone else might react is a different story, of course

soldier is bi and bigender, preferably she/her, but they/them and he/him are ok; she’d been openly trans for years bfore joining the mercs but she’s never bothered w/ hormones and stuff bcause she doesnt deal with much dysphoria, she’s fine w/ her body

engie is pan, transmasc nb, he/him or they/them; he’d been on T for a while prior to joining the base, maybe a year or two, and like heavy, hes extremely private about his gender+sexuality. living in the south, you learn to keep your mouth shut and your head down [speaking from experience, sadly]

pyro does not have a gender. they dont even id as “agender”. theyre null gender. gender is fake 2 them. [they/them only, also] their sexuality is also similarly unlabeled, but they’re definitely Not Straight by any means. they don’t remember much of their childhood or really, much of anything before joining the mercs. 

demo is bigender[sometimes he’s more of a guy and sometimes hes ???], pan, and any pronouns are fine they dont mind. he’s generally been aware that hes Not Straight and Not Cis for most of his life, and for a while it was another source of self loathing on top of Literally Everything Else [Please God Help Demo], but eventually he worked through that. they’re still very self-hating though. dont get me wrong. for the love of god i love demo so much please help them work through their childhood trauma please GOD

scout, upon arriving at the base, is a very closeted trans nb woman who is unlearning a lot of internalized stuff and self hatred that comes off in the form of her acting out for attention, a lot of hypermasculinity and heteronormativity,and just overall being a rude asshole for a while before she finally figures shit out, straightens up, and goes through a lot of character development[tm] with the help of her New Adopted Parents aka The Majority of The Base[except sniper and spy]; she’s bi w/ a preference for girls, and she/her + they/them

sniper is..........

 if uve paid attention to some previous headcanons i’ve posted, u can probably guess that, my friends and i do not like sniper much. at all. for a lot of reasons, some more personal, some more joke-y, some just out of spite for the fact that a lot of the fanbase really loves the shit outta this dude and ignores characters like demoman or heavy, who have such vivid and detailed, SAD fucking backstories, and a lot of depth and character to them, and- alright im rambling. basically. sniper is usually either a cishet dude in our hcs, or hes some variation of a “cisgender demi-heteromantic heteroflexible sapiosexual” mogai tumblr abomination.  finally, ms pauling and zhanna are both trans women[she/her for both], ms pauling is a lesbian and zhanna is bi, and merasmus is genderfluid and goes by he, she, or xe pronouns -- below this are basically who everyone is dating, in our hcs almost everyone is polyamorous, also, we[em+gabby+myself] do have specific hcs of why there’s two of every merc and how that works, but i’d rather not spoil our ideas, so im just gonna say- yes, in our hcs, there’s two of everyone, and we have explanations for it. but also we’re not gonna have like, medic/medic, or any other selfships. we lived through undertale fanbase. we know better also all the above gender+sexuality hcs apply to both RED and BLU variations [IE, both BLU solly and RED solly are bi trans women] - RED spy is dating scout’s mom, RED medic, and our OC Phillip; BLU spy is smitten with both scout’s mom and phillip but for spoiler reasons, is officially not allowed to contact them; [not sure if BLU spy is also dating BLU medic] RED heavy and RED medic are dating, and BLU heavy and BLU medic are also dating; BLU heavy is ALSO dating BLU demoman RED demo and BLU solly were in love but had a bad breakup because of the administrator’s influence; RED demo fell in love with RED engie and RED pyro afterwards. its possible he continues seeing BLU solly as well, in secret[not cheating ofc, pyro and engie know, but the administrator doesnt] both RED and BLU engies have crushes on their respective medic, but medic is Incredibly Oblivious to a fault RED solly and zhanna are in love  scout did have a crush on ms pauling, but it faded over time bcause pauling just wasnt interested; we’ve been spitballing an OC that scout gets a crush on and eventually starts dating, we dont rlly know much about her except that she’s an nb girl ms pauling, meanwhile, dates one of heavy’s other sisters sniper is alone with his piss jars.

[suckit-aynrand]

wow okay.

i just now finally got the guts to softblock my ex’s tumblr after a fucking year and a half.

ive wanted to rant and piss and moan about that whole debacle on here for so long but because she followed me etc. i never did because i didnt want to stir shit up

i shouldve done this a long time ago because every time i saw a post she reblogged i’d feel sick to my stomach and get really depressed tbh.

so now im trying to release all my shitty feelings by writing it out....

she was my first kiss and then she ended it before we were even able to give it a chance even though i’d liked her for over 6 months prior.

she was a fucking bitch though and made me feel so shitty about myself... unfortunately, i have an issue where i need everyone to like me so the more someone doesn’t care about me the harder I try and any drop of affection from them is like a drug.

ok so like she told me she was gay in like february or some shit and i told her I was bi because i was still trying to figure my shit out and then I started developing feelings for her (ie, see above) which i’d never done before because id never opened myself up to thinking about a girl that way and never with guys except for feeling ill....

so yeah, we were friends for a long time and i really liked her that whole time but i was fucking what 19 and had never done anything with anyone and was really nervous about stuff like that and, especially because of her personality where she’d be a total bitch 75% of the time and shoot down anything i said (which id just brush off as a joke or whatever and laugh) so no way in hell was i going to ever fucking make a move and i’d sleep over at her house (she lived at home) and she knew I had no experience and i told her id never even kissed anyone and she’d call me a “spring chicken” and shit because i was such a fucking everything virgin

we spooned once but i was so nervous and freaking out because im bad with touching people in general because i have this huge fear of doing something wrong and being rejected and totally overthing everything??

we also had this stupid bullshit thing about “ymir and krista” from attack on titan- shut the fuck up, i know, but like it was kind an apt metaphor for our personalities and looks (besides height because i was taller than her) so i remember and breaking point in my crush was when there was a “pick ten pictures that represent your aesthetic” on tumblr or whatever so i picked a bunch of pics or whatever and then one that was ymir/krista and i tagged her to do it too (do your sleuthing on your own time fellas) and she ALSO put a ymir/krista pic in hers so i was like HOLY FUCK IS THIS KISMET??? and then got my shit together to admit to my sister that i liked her and was bi (lol... that was a while ago...) and planned to ask her out myself.

anyway, like the next night, and incidentally on the night of the Supermoon in 2015 (when there was an eclipse on the night of the supermoon) i stopped by her job at gamestop when i was at the mall with friends to say hi (which i would do whenever possible... again, i was/am desperate for affection) and she said she was getting off soon and her grandparents were in town and were going to dinner at a place at the mall and would i like to go with so i was like sure so we went and then I went back to her place with her family and we sat outside to watch the supermoon and we were like holding hands and shit because it was cold and it was montana in late september etc. and i was nervous and all but all blushy and excited because of my previous nights shit, and then we eventually moved onto the back porch and she asked me if id want to date and i was like yes and then her homophobic grandparents came out to see if we were still watching the moon or whatever and then we went in to her room where i slept over and when we were looking out the window she kissed me and i was super nervous and blusy so it was like just a quick peck but it was my first kiss and i wanted to do it again but also i was scared to (like... because of her? and i was scared she wouldnt want to?)

so then the next morning i got a ride back to my place by her mom because i had an early class and we kissed (quickly again) before i left and then the next night i slept over at her place again but we didnt kiss at all... after that i would keep texting her and trying to make plans and stuff - i wasnt a student at the time but i lived close to campus so i was always like let me know when youre free and i can come up and meet you for lunch or i can come up and do anything because i wanted to see her and shit and she’d always be like “im busy with work/school/band etc.” so i was just like ok let me know when youre not and id visit her at work when i could but i didnt have a car and she was working and i didnt want to hang out in gamestop or whatever so id just pop in and it was awkward...

id said earlier that i wanted to go to the rocky horror show live that they did downtown so i saved up over $100 to get us tix and dressed all slutty for it (for her but also for rocky) and she wasnt really into it and i was trying to make it fun etc. and i had planned for her to stay the night at my place afterwards because i had an extra mattress under my bed for guests (THAT I LITERALLY ONLY BROUGHT WITH THE SPECIFIC INTENTION OF IT BEING FOR HER) but she said she had to go home or whatever and so i drove her home and walked her in and we kissed (quick kiss again) as i was leaving and then we kissed again, but like a couple little kisses in a row, and i was trying so hard to do it right but i was so nervous and that was all good (except she told me that my fucking MAC LIPSTICK didnt taste good... that fucker....) and then i left and continued to try to meet up with her and then one day she asked me if i was free to come talk to her on campus so i tried to dress up all cute and then she broke up with me.

the break up was so weird too because she was like “ive been too busy to see you, and ive been having a really hard time with my mom lately, and my dads cancer just came back and i want to still be friends and maybe next semester we can try again” and all and she was like crying (like a little bit) so i didnt want to be dramatic and make her feel bad so i tried to keep it light etc. (like i always do because im a fuck) so i was like its all good im so sorry youre having all this shit let me know if i can do anything etc. and then i hung out for a bit to try to make her feel like it was all good (even though i was devastated inside..... im just really awful with my emotions...) and then i left and was in a trance for a few days.... like even though practically nothing happened i didnt know (and still dont know???) what happened???

like....... was it because i wasnt really making any moves??? because i was trying like especially at halloween etc.????? and like she was the one who asked me out?????? like... i was also open about the fact that i’d be moving away the following summer most likely because i was changing schools and whenever i’d bring it up before we were “together” she’d legit like tear up and be like “you cant leave” and shit...?? was that why???? and like this still really gets to me even though it shouldnt and she truly was very hurtful to me in so many ways beyond this bullshit??? i just feel like i expended so much effort on building my relationship with her and never got any reciprication? 

like... there were a couple of times the following semester where she’d text me and ask to get together with another friend or whatever and i really really really wanted to say no but that word isnt in my vocabulary because im an anti-confrontational pushover so we would and it would be so weird for me but id really really work to pretend like it wasnt and then i moved.

and i really honestly wanted to message her and be like can you just be open with me about why because i feel like i got no closure and i thought about doing it a bunch but i never did because im a coward and scared of putting other people in situations that might make them uncomfortable because i know how uncomfortable they make me and how much i hate it???? i also thought about asking a mutual friend if he knew anything about it because he was closer with her but i didnt even know if she told any of her friends/family about it because she was super open about being gay but didnt want me to be open about our relationship because, in her words, “they’d say we told you so and we knew” and she wanted to prove them wrong for as long as possible or something?

but now like a year and a half later its sooooo way beside the point and too late so like i cant do it now.... but i havent been in another relationship obviously and like last semester i was getting really unreasonably jealous over her ambiguous snap story about getting ice cream with her girl and how much she loves her even though im more than halfway across the country from her and now ive definitely calmed down and have faced the fact that she was a bitch but like i still feel so stuck with no closure and also am terrified that i’ll never find anyone else? and i also know that its my fault but i wish i knew how much and what i could do better in the future because im terrified of making the same mistakes again and feeling this emptiness?

i wish this were easier. im so sorry for spilling all this shit but ive been bottling it up for so long and have only ever told my sister and even her i didnt tell everything and i feel free now that i wont be seeing her posts anymore and can hopefully let this settle even more....

[thepalegoldmoon]

Answers

so i was asked to answer all of these so here i gooooooo!!!!~… kms… ;u;

— 1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

uhhhhmmm i dont really hold hands cause i over heat and the get clammy easily, so the last person i “held hands”/ linked arms with was actually at Anime Boston with this rad dude Jay, we were cosplaying Keith and Lance from Voltron. it was a good day, but we were tired as fuck.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

kinda both depends on the situation and who im around tbh

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

in general or like famous??? uhhhmmm, if we’re going in general tbh me rad ass mate Jay cause why wouldnt I be looking forward to seeing this kid??? hes literally the best thing or person to see ever, duh! and if were going famous??? uhhhmmm music wise either Panic! At The Disco, TOP, orrrrr maybe a tie between some one from the Hamilton, or Heahters musicals.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

again depends on the situation and people. over all id say yeah in some way.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

uhmmm idk because we’d both probably be shit faced and tumbling over each other screaming, incoherently and laughing our asses off. While simultaneously getting into 20 different fights over cheese, bread, and cats. Then crying about video games and anime. probably in the midst of this we’d be laughing and patting each other’s back telling each other how good of a bro the other is an how we’re gonna take over the world by the sheer brute force of dogs and cats

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

uhhhhmmm i dont really have a type but there’s a guy i like alot whos my dream guy tbh, and to me hes perfect in alot and pretty much every single way. ºuº

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

probably not but its nice to hope and dream c:

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

either rn my friend Casey cause shes in spain this week for vacation or my childhood bestfriend Liz cause her birthday just pasted on april 7th and i havent seen her in years.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

depends on who im with and what exactly kinda stuff were talking about. but im always awkard af with everything so im always uncomftorble.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

mi boi Jay!!~ we tend to get into deep conversation alot. i enjoy it alot tbh hahaha.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

(when i got to this quesion)

 WE WILL BE TRASH GODS!!!~

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

UHMMM pass cause honestly the whole entirety of Heathers and Hamilton pretty much.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

OMFG HELL YEAH I DO!!!!!!!~

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yeah man thats always been something i believe in because i have the most terrible luck but i like to believe miracles have happened in my life.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i started the change in my social life and i got a really rad friend through the beginning phase of it!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

uhmmm ive only done pecks cause im  fucking looser so that was Jay, so hell yeah i would man hahaha! (hes got a kissable face its nice alright, i swear im not this fucking awkward XD) ((and bro i know youll end up reading this. i love ya man!! i hope this isnt too bad lol~))

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

fuck yeah i do bro. i wanna befriend at least one of them tbh.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

not really cause the kid left after 5th grade and i never saw him again,

19. Do you like bubble baths?

fuck yes.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

i dont really talk to them haha.

21. What are you bad habits?

i have alot, talking to much and fighting HARD during a fight, and having the worst timing for smart ass comments, and trying to change things i cant change too much. theres more but thats a good few.

22. Where would you like to travel?

everywhere and anywhere tbh

23. Do you have trust issues?

a bit ive more developed them because of shitty people

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

either shower or the part where i come home and either draw, eat, play video games, get to text my boi, or where i get to sleep.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my nose, the corners of my mouth or my big toes.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

text my friend good morning or get up and play with my mouse for a few minutes

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

i enjoy my skin tone but i wish i could tan ith out burning although, ive always wanted to either be albino or see what its like to be darker.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

either Jay, or my friend Casey

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope because i dont talk to them XD

30. Do you ever want to get married?

at some point maybe haha

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

almost but the sides and some of my bangs are just a teeny bit off from making it :u:

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

uhmm not really any tbh theyre all to much older than me

33. Spell your name with your chin.

alyxx/ nyxx

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

ew no but i like swimming and to go on walks for fun

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

thats hard cause i need both for background noise

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

not really, i dont think so

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

something really stupid and half the time really provocative

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

ahhhh hahaha well i dont really know because the guy im crushing on is my dream guy js. and if i were to try and describe him id butcher the amazing and astounding beauty of the real person to be honest

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

ahhhh idk, lush?? and anything with food tbh

40. What do you want to do after high school?

die, or move to salem WITCHever comes first -u0 lol (bad pun i know i know)

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

i belive in ALOT of chances tbh

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

either im tired, extremely sad/depressed, overthinking/ thinking, focusing, thinking how to reply something or im REALLY fucking pissed off at you for something.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

REALLY FUCKING AWKWARDLY AND IN REALLY FUCKING AWKWARD SITUATIONS

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

UHHHHHH BOTH!!!!!~ TF?

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

THE INPENDING FEAR AND DOOM OF CRIPPLING ANXIETY IF I MISS THE BUS OR if im hanging out wiht someone that day the motivation of not being alone in my room with myself for the whole day or so hahaha, or a con/ meet up which applies to friends.

46. What are you paranoid about?

AAAHAHAHAHAHA IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION???? fucking everything…

47. Have you ever been high?

yes

48. Have you ever been drunk?

buzzed not drunk

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

uhhh i dont think so im not really very secretive. maybe like PERSONAL shit but no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

a few times

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

uhmmm either eye color and nose Physically.and personality wise i wish i wasnt so stubborn tbh.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

lush is the closest thing to makeup i use hunny

54. Favourite store?

lush

55. Favourite blog?

@thedevilandhisfiddleofgold​ c;

56. Favourite colour?

Blue

57. Favourite food?

uhmmm theres too many to list, all?? except spicy

58. Last thing you ate?

a cracker with nutella on it

59. First thing you ate this morning?

a cinnamon powdered sugar doughnut

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

nope

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Suspending, accused of stealing shitty locker wallpaper panels. THAT I ACCTUALLY FUCKING HADNT ;U;

62. Been arrested? For what?

nope

63. Ever been in love?

YES ;-;

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

never fucking had one kiddies sorry no story time for this one

65. Are you hungry right now?

kinda i want chips

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

uhm my only tumblr friends are friends in real life so not really because how do you like someone more on tumblr than you like them in real life??? not like its impossible its just odd.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

neither tbh, i only use my facebook for my work schedule

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

TUMBLR

69. Are you watching tv right now?

yes i started 13 reasons why

70. Names of your bestfriends?

jay, casey, liz (ranked most to least interaction and tbh who ive talked to most recently, those other two loosers never text me)

71. Craving something? What?

chips, cookies, FOOD, and love, BUT MOSTLY FOOD RN

72. What colour are your towels?

we have mostly white and black towels but theyre all just multicolored

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

(im also counting my stuffed animals as pillows)

at least 11 tbh

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

(refer to last question)

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

9

75. Favourite animal?

wolf, fox, raven, snowleopard, cat, snake (i cant choose)

76. What colour is your underwear?

black like my soul bitch

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

birthday cake or cotton candy/ bubblegum

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black

80. What colour pants?

dark grey

81. Favourite tv show?

uhmmmm Voltron or steven universe

82. Favourite movie?

heathers and the crow

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

havent seen the second one (refer to previous question)

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

the lebanese chick and the gay guy that were friends with lindsay lohan’s character

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

thats a hard question cause i love them all ;-;

87. First person you talked to today?

Jay (and caiden???) i sent a message to a group chat right after i woke up, i was pointed at Jay but theyre both in that chat

88. Last person you talked to today?

same chat

89. Name a person you hate?

ahha ahhahaha hahahaha, mmmmm theres alot 

90. Name a person you love?

Jay, Casey, my pets

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

better question… is there not????

92. In a fight with someone?

i dont think so but im aboutabe casue they wont give me times on if theyre coming tomorrow or not ;-;

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

2 and a pair of sweat pants i made into shorts

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

hehehe at least 6 or 7. tbh my attack on titan one has been issing for a while and it makes me sad

95. Last movie you watched?

heathers, im not saying the technical last one cause it was gross as fuck and doe not count as a movie to me

96. Favourite actress?

ehhh hellena bonham carter

97. Favourite actor?

johnny depp

98. Do you tan a lot?

not really cause i burn and im afraid of getting skin cancer

99. Have any pets?

2 guinea PIGS and a mouse

100. How are you feeling?

alright kinda missing my friends and also kind anxious

101. Do you type fast?

depends on my mood, what im typing on,  and about

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

so.. many… things…

103. Can you spell well?

fairly decently i think, average nothing over the top but i try haha

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

ehhh Liz and my friend Julia from Germany she was cool.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

nope

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

there was a girl named shannon who was all over me and head over heels for me, she mightve been a taurus. she tried to use some serious mental shit to try and get me to stay. i told her to seek professional help and not me.

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

nope

108. What should you be doing?

a 10 page paper and finishing final fantasy, and getting more loot boxes in overwatch

109. Is something irritating you right now?

not really knowing what to do with my senior paper, shop friends, being alone, and not having enough hours in the day and always being fucking tired.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yes, i do right now, tbh, but its cool

111. Do you have trust issues?

this was already asked. slightly it depends on the person

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

no one, mentally and close to physiccally jay and caiden, but im always mentally crying. i dont physically cry if i do youre special, im not that soft.

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Ash

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

i was born in pittsburgh, pa. i lived in townsend, ma and i just recently moved to pepperrel, ma.

115. Do you play the Wii?

not any more

116. Are you listening to music right now?

not really

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes

118. Do you like Chinese food?

YAS

119. Favourite book?

how to make the perfect boy?? (its something like that) i also really enjoyed mrs. perigrines home for peculiar children.

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

im afraid of what might be in it

121. Are you mean?

i can be

122. Is cheating ever okay?

ew not wtf

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

probably not

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

kinda but only to an extent

125. Do you believe in true love?

again kinda but only to an extent tbh

126. Are you currently bored?

a bit

127. What makes you happy?

chilling with jay, playing wiht my animal or sleeping 

128. Would you change your name?

i want to, im trying to get Alyxx as my name hahah but i have a genius way to keep ASH

129. What your zodiac sign?

GEMINI BIATCH!!!!~

130. Do you like subway?

yeah its alright

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

uhhhh hahah i already dated my childhood bestfriend. Liz was chill but id kindly turn her down

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

already answered this up top, but Jay

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

hmmmm i have too many tbh, id love to put one here but i cant think of a good one atm sorry my dudes

134. Can you count to one million?

maybe but im to lazy to fam

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

hahaha ive told too many to put those down

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

CLOSED OMFG NO #TRIGGERED

137. How tall are you?

5′5.25″ ( THAT QUARTER IS IMPORTANT ;u;, believe it or not i had=ve alot of friends that are taller than me)

138. Curly or Straight hair?

wavy-ish

139. Brunette or Blonde?

i myself am a “brunette”

140. Summer or Winter?

kinda both

141. Night or Day?

ehh more night but i enjoy both

142. Favourite month?

either, October, November, December, and i actually am not a fan of my birth month may haha

143. Are you a vegetarian?

nope but ive thought about becoming one to cleanse and to get in better shape kinda reasons

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk and white

145. Tea or Coffee?

both

146. Was today a good day?

ehhh kinda

147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers but i wanna try a mars bar

148. What’s your favourite quote?

hahah either

“ another fucking heather! -sighs- Our love is god let’s go get a slushie!”

-JD “Heathers”

( i relate most to the heather part tbh)

  “ill hook ‘em…” “..and ill cook ‘em!”

-Roadhog and Junkrat “Overwatch”

( YEAH I KNOW IM TRASH BUT ITS A PRECIOUS QUOTE BETWEEN TO REALLY GOOD BEST MATES OKAY!!!??)

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

WHOLE HEARTEDLY, IVE SEEN THEM, IVE FELT THEM, IVE HEARD THEM, TALKED TO THEM, I RESPECT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM AND THEY ARE KINDA SLIGHTLY TERRIFYING BUT I LOVE THEM!

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“WOW MAGNUS, you’re probably thinking. That was… stupid!” 

Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard