#despite them hating me and his dad recovering from eye surgery

[itslarsyouguys]

I think I have finally accepted that my husband is just not able to help me with my burnout and need for a break from childcare and I need to save myself if it is ever going to happen

But how does someone overwhelmed and overworked grappling with decision fatigue do the work to find baby childcare and figure out where I could go, even if he could handle the big kids at school?

Like I specifically need a few days where someone is taking care of me, how much worse will I be after I work my ass off to arrange something?

[peterspinkrobe]

Communion | AU Priest Miguel O’Hara x female Reader

A/N: I commissioned the above Priest Miguel. Ever since the artist sent the sketch, (@ ejpuki on twitter plz go show love!) this story has been a brewin’ in my cranium. I am not a newbie when it comes to fanfic, but a virgin to writing Miguel. Please accept this offering to the mania that is fandom. Feedback is appreciated. I know the tenses are probably all over the place. Part 2 is live!!. Let me know if you’re interested ~~

Warnings: Religious content, parents, dirty-minded reader, no mention of Y/N

As you sat in the middle pew, aisle seats, you fiddled with the dress your mother guilted you into wearing. The hem of the skirt had a little fraying and you couldn’t help but pick at it.

The meddling was met with a small smack on your wrist from your mother.

“Stop! You’re going to make it worse! I know it’s an old dress but it will only look that way if you pick at it.” The sharpness in tone and the lacy lilac dress from high school brought you back to all of the Sunday mornings you’d been ripped from the comfort of your bed to attend church.

Church. Your head was already starting to hurt from the early morning light pouring through the stained glasses windows, but your tried to remain neutral to spare mom.

Your relationship with the Almighty soured not long after your father passed. Faith was hard to come by and the struggles you’d faced recently only strained that even further.

“Sorry, mama.” You say quietly, acting like you’re still twelve and not in your mid twenties.

Ever since you moved back in you’ve had to live under “her rules”. Sunday service is one of those rules. Considering the headache you’ve caused her recently, you ignore your own and do as she asks. It’s only fair.

But church? Last week was your first time back inside a church since leaving for college five years ago. It was the same one you’d been dragged to in your younger years. The same stained pews, same old books of Psalms, same feeling of estrangement despite being surrounded by the same old folks.

Your mom had turned her attention to the lady that lived on our street and you turned your own attention to your fingernails, scraping underneath them for dirt that wasn’t there. You think about how you had dropped the habit until moving back in, but was interrupted by microphone static.

You pulled your gaze to the front of the church and saw Father Steen tapping the microphone. Despite only being five years since you last saw him, the man seemed to have aged decades. His frail frame balanced on the podium as he spoke. You realized why the microphone was needed when he started speaking - amplifying the hushed tone of the elder addressing his congregation.

“Good morning and many blessings to you all this Sunday morning,” he began and you couldn’t help but lower your gaze back to the frayed bit of your dress. His monotone voice was… kinda boring. You hated thinking that way because Father Steen was such a good man and he cared for your mother greatly when dad passed. He was mentioning an upcoming surgery and you were back to picking at your fingernails. His voice eked on through the speakers, “so we will be having a transitional deacon come in to take over my position until I recover. This fine young man has graciously accepted this position as he is working to become a priest himself. Please welcome Mr. O’Hara as he leads us in prayer to begin communion for this month.”

There is respectful applause and your eyes are still on your hands until your mom elbows you gently. You start to apologize again for not paying attention but notice she and her pew neighbor are giggling as they clap. You start to clap your own hands as you look up at what they were giggling like schoolgirls about when your hands freeze in their clapped position - almost like you’re praying.

The deacon that Father Steen introduced was… gorgeous, and he was looking at you. You blushed, embarrassingly, under the gaze of the dark eyes. Could he tell you hadn’t been paying attention?

Well, you most certainly were now.

You pulled your eyes away from him to look at your mother who was wiggling her eyebrows at you, causing you to blush even deeper and turn back to the front.

The first thing you notice about the man standing at the front of the church was his height. He towered over the podium he placed a hand on. Father Steen came up to only just above his elbows with his hunched body.

The eyes that were watching you now surveyed the room and the light from the windows shown dark, warm pools of irises. His face…

Sharp symmetry made up his countenance. Distinct cheekbones bobbing as the smooth bronze skin stretched upwards into a smile. The strong jawline accentuated with the muscles of his lips pulling back, revealing a dazzling toothy smile.

When he spoke for the first time, you understood why your mom cried during Psalms at times. His voice was gospel.

“Thank you, all, for welcoming me into your parish. I know that you have received excellent spiritual guidance from Father Steen. I can only hope to at least partially fill his shoes in his absence.” His voice boomed throughout the church with no need for a microphone. “Before we begin the sacred ritual that is communion, let us bow our heads in prayer.”

The church around you dutifully lowered their heads, and you did the same. Hating closing your eyes to the alluring man in front of the church. At least his voice still filled your ears with song.

“Heavenly Father, we are gathered here today, in your house, in the name of your Son to receive the Body and Blood of Christ…” you decide it won’t be such a terrible sin to sneak a peek during prayer. You lift your head up to catch another glimpse at the ethereal creature leading prayer while he wasn’t looking.

But he was looking. Right at you as he continued to recite, “We are all sinners, and we are all in need of your grace and forgiveness.” You start to think about how much you needed his grace, when you pinch yourself for the blasphemy.

You’re still staring at each other as he finishes, “We pray that You will bless this communion and that it will deepen our relationships with You.” You instantly feel heat in your gut when you wonder just how deep it can go..

You think you see him grin slightly, but he pulls his eyes away from yours and you quickly put your head back down.

“In Your Blessed Name, Amen.” He ends. “Amen”, the church responds in unison and you squeak it out as well.

The first pew stands and approaches the front of the church, choir boys retrieving the communion goods. You notice that there is a split in the line as one is given the small wafer and grape juice shot by Father Steen and the other line the new deacon.

You can’t keep your eyes off him as he offers the sacrament to each person in line. He is taking longer than Father Steen, seeming to ask questions before presenting the body and blood of a savior.

As it came to be your pew’s turn, you stood. With only a few people in front of you, you studied Miguel’s figure in short glances.

Along with being a towering figure, he was a wide one as well. Muscles filled in the long-sleeved black button down shirt. His large upper body tapered off into a slim waist, tucked neatly into dark pants. A belt accentuated the fit waist even further. Your eyes trailed quickly across the thick neck that was accessorized by the all too familiar white collar of priesthood. When you were just behind one more person, your eyes fell to the floor.

Part of you wished you would be on Father Steen’s side as you feel as though you’re about to burst from this proximity of the giant man. He was bent over speaking to an elder of the church, giving her a soft smile as she blessed him for coming to ‘our little church.’

The man in line in front of you stood to Father Steen and the woman was letting Mr. O’Hara go from a sweet embrace.

Thank God, you guessed, for the years of attending communion as your muscle memory tore your legs from their form rooted position at the altar.

You approached the tall figure and your eyes are locked on the lips of the man in front of you. You see them move, hearing nothing but the beating of your heart in your eardrums.

“I-I’m sorry. What?” You sputter the words and heat creeps into your chest and face.

A soft chuckle escapes his full lips and he smiles as he repeats, “What is your name?”

You give it to him. And he says it. The way your name sounds in his music makes you smile up at him. He holds your gaze for a moment before speaking again.

“The Body of Christ.” He extends his hand in an upward position, the white wafer between his index finger and thumb.

You bow your head slightly in reverence of the offering. As you start to pull your head up again, his pinky and ring finger catch under your chin, lifting your face the rest of the way.

You breathe out a small gasp and open your mouth. He seems to mirror the action slightly as his own mouth drops slightly open. You extend your tongue a little as he places the thin wafer onto it.

His gaze is heavy as he watches you take the offering into your mouth. Your breath hitches when he runs his thumb across your pouted bottom lip, catching some saliva with it.

“Amen.” You respond and it’s not until he pulls his hand from your face when you turn to grab a small glass of grape juice. “The Precious Blood.” You hear him say behind you as you bring the glass to your lips, relishing the sweet refreshment.

Your face is red hot as you turn to walk back to your pew, ignoring your mother’s glances as she had already been back to her seat.

The burning in your cheeks is even more fiery as it dawns on you that the whole church saw the exchange. You hope, you pray, that it was perceived as a normal moment between a new Shepard and a member of his flock.

Communion wraps up and Father Steen takes a seat behind the the new head of church as he begins his sermon. The slight pressure of his thumb on your bottom lip created a pool of heat in your belly that wouldn’t go away.

You try to pay attention to the Good Word, you really do, but your mind is other places. Definitely not holy places.

Maybe coming to church won’t be too bad after all…

[macverse]

Denim & Mistletoe Desires

---

JC and Justin have been separated for far too long during the pandemic. With the world slowly falling back to what can be considered normal, it's the holiday season and they finally are able to be with each other again.

---

I know you like it

I know you like it it it

I know you like it

I know youI know you like it it it

When you walk in it’s as if the world slows down around me. Like magic, the sea of people between us parts, and all I see is you. Perfectly dressed as always; black on black with a hint of Christmas red at your breast. You wore your glasses that you hate because I love them and I asked you to wear them. My fine ass man that I haven’t seen in over a year because of the pandemic. 

We didn't need to stay apart but it was the best choice. When your dad injured his back for the second time this year and unfortunately needed surgery to help recover it was clear that you were the best person out of your siblings to make the sacrifice and go all the way to Florida to help your mom out. Although we knew we’d miss each other we ultimately decided that you’d stay put with family after your father recovered rather than risk contact trying to get back to each other. Trains were just as risky if not riskier than planes and I didn't want to ask you to drive the 42 hours between us. As the days turned to months then turned to years the 2,780 miles between you and me felt further and further away but finally tonight my eyes can behold you without the guise of a computer screen between us.

Don't know why, but girl, I'm feeling close to you

Maybe is this ocean view, I'm so emotional

And all these stars been dancing on my head

Too long, too long, too long

You haven’t seen me yet as you are greeted by the people you know closest to the door. I’m all the way across the room but I can still enjoy watching you from here. Almost everyone knows you; by association or by fame. The ones you worked with that beautiful year you spared to work with me greet you with surprise and exclamations. Mike from accounting who you used to talk about traveling with. Leslie, whose position you had temporally filled after she left to get married, hugged, and kissed you around her baby bump. It's been so long since anyone has seen anyone and everyone is a sight for sore eyes this year at the company holiday party. 

David, the one who you trained to replace you, hugs you warmly and his now almost three-year-old toddler grabs on to you with joy from his fathers’ arms although he’s never met you. This does give me a chance to see you in the rare but beautiful element of you with a child. Although you've told me time and time again that you never wanted to be a father it’s always been clear that you are the best with children. Even my son, now our son cracked through your iron-clad door to parenthood. A soft smile finds my lips as my heart warms to see you take the toddler in your arms with a soft toss in the air and hug him sweetly to your body. His giggles are like music even from where I’m standing and many heads turn to see the happy child.

I wrote a song for you, I wanna sing to you

But every time I'm close to you

The words wanna come out, but I forget

It's so strong, it's so strong, it's so strong

Moving closer to where you are I am stopped by Marcella and Johan. I lose sight of you as I stop to speak with them, passing along holiday wishes and hopes for the new year but the chimes of your laugh reach my ears through the cacophony of the largest group anyone has been comfortable to be around in a while. Thankfully we’re a small company and we were able to rent out a large space to keep everyone comfortable and stress-free. We’ve had a good year despite the total shift to work from home. Lots of other brands had suffered during the past two years but WilliamRast was thankfully not one of them. Our sales dropped slightly but this year we nearly cracked the hundred million so obviously, we had to celebrate. 

The other people in the group with Marcella and Johan ask me about my year, about our son but my answers come automatically because my mind is only on you. My heartbeat picked up the moment I caught a glance of your now long, gray-streaked hair. Bless your mother for keeping you from dying your gray away and keeping your luscious chestnut lock from getting too long. You look like something out of my dreams as I spy you now closer to me talking to a new group of people. We both gained and lost, and lost some more weight while we quarantined. Not that I could complain before but the return of your perfect strong, sturdy form had me wishing for your return more and more each day. Your back is to me so I take full advantage; eating up just how toned your already beautiful ass has become. 

Didn't I seem like I'm catching something

That's because it's true

I can't deny it, I won't try it

But I think that you know

I look around and everything I see is beautiful

Cause all I see is you

And I can't deny it, and I stand by you

And I won't hide it anymore

I don’t want you to find me too soon. I’m enjoying watching you work the room. Not one to spoil a good show, I excuse myself from the group that had pulled me in under the pretense of needing a refill. Unfortunately, I have to turn my back to you as I head off in the direction of the bar. Our son, now almost seven years old flys by me with his cousins on his tail. He’s been just as excited to finally see you as I have been and had barely wanted to sleep the night prior. 

He's not the only one that aches for you. My hand and lips were hungry to hold and taste you as my eyes were to see you. Each day we've been apart a dull ache has built inside of me that after all this time feels like it's meant to be there. For the first time in so long, it's gone and I almost feel lost without it. With each step away from you, my mind says ‘ turn around’. Accompanied with each heartbeat I hear 'he's just over there’. I'm going against my body's instinct to reclaim my place by your side but as you’d taught me the anticipation is just as sweet as the beholding. You've already been here just a few miles away from our home taking the appropriate time to self-quarantine after traveling back to me. Your last day of quarantine couldn’t have come sooner. 

Our son signaled to me that I was going the wrong way, that you were behind me but I placed a finger on my lips signaling to him to not say that he’d seen me to you. I sealed our silent agreement with a wink as he giggled and continued at high speed towards you. I heard his exclamation of joy as he careened into you. Peeking over my shoulder once I reached the bar I see you crouched down hugging him and gesturing at how tall he’s gotten. You’ve missed almost half a foot of his life all this while. Even from here, I can see the disappointment under the joy on your face. I feel a pang of sadness in my chest but quickly think that you still have at least his full body height more to go and there will be time to make up for the lost six inches.

Soon you're complimenting my nieces on their dresses and I see you twirl the youngest of the two causing the light to play off the sequins on her skirt. She’s pulling your hand, probably saying she wants to dance with you. You expertly swing her up into your arms and glide across the floor in your usual effortless way. We're all a family here and there are many children here tonight but the co-founders’ children are the center of the attention. Many eyes turn your way as you waltz across the dance floor with my business partner and best friend’s youngest to the music softly playing in the room; spinning and dipping her high and low causing her to giggle and the spectators to clap as they look on. 

You're in the best of moods tonight. I'm sure it wouldn't take me long to guess why...

Read the rest of the story on my AO3

[ragingbookdragon]

So Live A Lie, Just Tonight, And Burn Out Bright

Batsis x Hal Jordan One-Shot

Word Count: 3.8K Warnings: Explicit Language, Mature Themes

Author's Note: I decided to compile that one Batsis "story" into one doc, and I added the alternate ending for the one anon who asked! Enjoy! -Thorne

**********************************************************************

“Alright, easy sis, easy,” he worried, watching her carefully for signs of pain flickering across her face as he helped her off the bike.

She scowled, managing to drag her injured leg forward. “Quit nagging. I’m—ngh—fine.”

“You’re on emergency oxycodone and you’ve got a broken femur,” he retorted. “I’m nagging until you’re in surgery.”

“Ugh, stop reminding me.”

Someone hauled her off her feet with a quiet, “I’ve got you.”

She grunted in pain laying on the gurney. “Thanks, dad.”

“Miss Wayne, are you alright?”

Her eyes found Alfred’s. “I’m good. I just ne—motherfucker!” she yelped, glaring at her father who was squeezing her thigh. “Hey! That’s broken, jackass! Quit!”

Bruce grunted. “You need an ORIF now.”

A pinch in her arm made her twitch and she turned her attention to Alfred who was uncapping a needle. “Alfred, what’s that?”

He shook his head. “Nothing to worry about, Miss Wayne.” Smiling, he stuck the needle into the line. “You’ll feel better when you awaken.”

Her vision blurred rapidly, “Gonna take…a nap…now…” her head lolled, and Bruce met Alfred’s gaze.

“Call Damian. He’s got the steady hand we’ll need.”

***

“How’re you feeling?” Jason asked, setting a cup of juice on the bedside table.

She blinked slowly, staring at her fingers. “Why are my fingers like this?”

“Like what, Queenie?”

“Bendy,” she replied, flexing her fingers. “It’s fuckin’ weird.” She looked at him. “I feel weird.”

He snorted, nodding at Dick and the others who were walking in at the sound of her voice. “You’re on hydromorphone, sis.”

“Hydro—what-what?”

“Hydromorphone, sister,” Damian said. “It has increased your threshold for pain and reduced the perception of it.”

She stared at him like she hadn’t heard a word come out of his mouth. “I didn’t understand a single goddamn word that you just said.”

Snickers sounded around her, but her head was up in the clouds and she rested back against her pillow. Her family gathered around her, sitting up on the bed, and suddenly she cocked her head up, squinting at each of them.

“Sweetheart? What’s wrong?” Bruce inquired.

“Where’s Dick?”

“I’m right here, sis,” he answered, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand. “What’s up?”

“Why’d you break up with Kori?”

His eyes widened. “I—what?”

“Kori. Tall alien with the shooty-hands.”

“I know who she is. What about our breakup?”

“Are you kidding me? That woman is spectacular, and you broke up with her. She’s gorgeous, wicked intelligent, fantastic in bed and—”

“Wait, back up there,” he interrupted. “Good in bed? Did you sleep with, Kori?”

“Oh yeah, totally. I was her rebound after you.”

Dick blinked while the others cackled. “Have you…have you slept with any other exes?”

“Of yours? Or in general with the family’s exes?”

“Wait,” Jason said. “Have you slept with any of mine?”

“Did you date Artemis?”

He shrugged. “Sort of?”

“Then, yes.” She looked at Bruce. “I slept with Selina too, but to be completely honest we were both drunk and I don’t think either of us remember.”

“I uh—” he started, then quieted. “I didn’t know you were gay, sweetheart.”

She let out a ‘pfft’. “I’m not.”

“Oh, you’re bi, then?” Dick smiled and she shook her head.

“Nah, I like the wine but not the label.” She grinned. “I’m a lover of people.”

“How many superheroes have you slept with?” Tim questioned and she pursed her lips.

“Uh…I dunno…kinda lost count.”

For a moment no one said a word, then Jason asked, “You know how we call Dickhead the fuck-boy? Can we refer to you as that now? I think you’ve topped his count.”

Her eyes narrowed into a glare and she pointed at him, though she was seeing double, so it was entirely possible that she was pointing at the wall. “Keep that up and I’ll sleep with your best friend again.”

“You slept with Roy?!”

“I was talking about Kyle, but Roy works too.”

“OH MY GOD! IS THERE ANYONE YOU HAVEN’T SLEPT WITH?”

She thought for a moment, then offered, “Diana. But I asked her out last weekend so it’s up in the air until our date.”

***Part Two***

There was only one rule that everyone collectively followed in Wayne Manor and that was: no excessive noise until after twelve P.M. It was mostly influenced by Alfred who’d more than once pulled out the shotgun but surprisingly, mornings were usually calm and quiet. Keywords: “Were” and “Usually”. There were some special cases.

An ear-splitting scream shattered the silence of the breakfast room and in an instant, everyone was jumping from the table, sprinting towards the staircase to find out what was quite possibly murdering their eldest sister. As they neared the staircase, they came face to face with her as she stood behind the banister, her hands gripping the railing until her knuckles started whitening.

“Sis, what’s wrong?” Dick worried, already starting to come up the steps, Jason and Tim close behind.

“I’m late,” she whispered, and they leaned forward.

“What was that?” Bruce inquired, brows furrowing, and she looked at him.

“I’m late.” Her voice was firmer this time.

He blinked. “How long?”

“Two months.”

“Wait, what’s going on?” Jason questioned, shaking his head and she scowled.

“My period’s late, jackass.”

She wished she’d taken a photo of their faces, because nothing would ever amuse her as much as the way their jaws went slack, eyes widening in total shock. Running a hand down her face, she groaned, “Oh my God. I knew something was up. I completely forgot about it.”

“Sooooo…” Tim drawled out with a recovered grin. “Who’s the daddy?”

Her eyes narrowed and she shot him a glare. “Shut. Up.”

“C’mon sis, someone—some guy did it for you.” Jason quipped. “Who’s the lucky man?” he paused, seeming to remember something. “How many superheroes have you slept with in two months? That have dicks, of course.” She clenched her jaw and his eyes widened. “Oh no. Oh no…is it, Roy?”

“It’s not Roy!” she hissed.

“Kyle?” Dick offered and she shook her head.

“No. I’ve only slept with one guy in the past two months.”

“Who was it sister?” Damian quizzed, placing his hands on his hips. “I have yet to meet anyone acceptable for you to populate with.”

“Thanks Damian,” she griped, then groaned. “Oh God, I know who it is too. And I wish I didn’t.”

“Why’s that?”

Her eyes found Tim’s. “Because we were drunk as hell after a League mission.”

“Who is it?” Bruce grunted and she met his gaze.

“You’re not going to like it.”

Something passed between them, and his eyes narrowed. “Please don’t say that’s who you slept with.”

She nodded, pressing a hand to her face, hiding her embarrassment. “Mhm.”

“You slept with him?”

“Unfortunately.”

Jason looked between his sister and father. “Wait, I’m confused. What’s going on?” A snort sounded beside him, and he looked over, seeing Dick in tears. “Why are you crying? What’s so funny?”

Dick cackled. “SHE SLEPT WITH HAL JORDAN!”

Another round of slack jawed brothers appeared in her sight, and she hissed. “It was an accident!”

“YOU’RE HAVING A BABY WITH HAL JORDAN!” Dick gasped, starting to drop to his knees from laughing so hard. “OH MY GOD, YOU SLEPT WITH THE GUY DAD HATES THE MOST!”

“You slept with Hal Jordan?” Tim gagged. “Ew.”

“Sister, I am disgusted in your choice of partners for children.” Damian noted and she scowled.

“I hate all of you.” she looked at Bruce.

He sighed heavily, a defeated father…or maybe a defeated grandfather. “I’ll go call Hal…and order prenatal vitamins.”

She ran a hand down her face. “I’ll call Leslie and get in for an exam.”

“Holy shit,” Jason gasped. “We’re gonna be uncles!”

***Part Three***

He shifted the phone to rest between his ear and shoulder, hands busy pouring coffee into his cup. “Hello?”

What are you doing right now?

“Bruce? Is that you?”

Answer the question, Hal.

He rolled his eyes and frowned. “Well, it’s nine A.M., I’m making a cup of coffee. I know bats are nocturnal, so this might come as a surprise to someone like you, but rest assured it’s a normal habit for us normal folks.”

How fast can you get to Gotham City?

“Willingly?” Hal chuckled, setting down the coffee pot to grab the phone. “What’s going on?”

I need your…help…with something. And I need you in Gotham as fast as you can get here…please.

He almost dropped both the phone and coffee mug. “Did you just say you need my he—” the line went dead with a click, and he pulled the phone from his ear. “Asshole,” Hal scowled and shoved the phone in his pocket, before putting the mug down. His body flashed green as he suited up and he sighed. “Can’t believe I gotta go to the land of the living dead at nine A.M.”

***

He rubbed his temples as he disconnected the call, barely suppressing the sigh that wanted to escape him. “Are you mad at me?” he heard behind him, low, scared, and worried; he shook his head.

“No.”

She leaned against the desk, staring down at the side of his head. “Are you disappointed in me?”

Bruce sighed this time. “At your basic lack of common sense and sleeping with a team member despite the fact that I’ve told you time and again that inner-team-dalliances only end badly? Yes.” He turned his eyes to her. “But for being pregnant? Never.”

“Doesn’t seem like it, dad,” she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest; he watched them lower to hold her stomach.

“I think Hal Jordan’s an idiot,” he stated. “If it seems like I’m upset, it’s because he’s going to be my grandchild’s father and I’ll have to be nice to him now.” She huffed a laugh and he reached over, placing a hand on her arm. “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. We’ll take care of this.”

“I know, it’s just…” she sighed. “I never expected this to happen.”

“No one ever does,” Bruce answered. “Have you contacted Leslie yet?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I’ll go see her around three.” Grunting, she muttered, “Figured if Hal got here in as soon as possible, we’d have enough time to sit and talk about this before we went.” She ran a hand over her face. “God, I can’t believe I Hal knocked me up.”

“Please don’t say that,” Bruce griped. “I don’t like that phrase.”

“But that’s what happened, dad. I got knocked up by Hal.”

“Why do you hate me?” he scowled, dropping his head into his hands. “How did this even happen?”

Sighing, she recounted, “After the mission in Brazil, Hal invited Barry back to Coast City for a drink and Barry invited me.” She shrugged. “I didn’t wanna be rude even if I am typically antisocial, so I accepted, and we got there and found a bar. After a couple hours, Barry had to get back to Central and we just decided to keep drinking.”

She grunted. “Hell, by seven thirty we were already gone so we got a ride back to his place and he offered to let me stay the night and one thing led to another and—”

Bruce raised his hand, effectively silencing her. “I can infer what happened after that.” He rubbed his temples. “Let’s just wait for Hal to get here, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she agreed, falling silent.

***

Alfred cleared his throat. “Master Jordan, is here, sir.” They both looked up from the Batcomputer at the test pilot.

“Thank you, Alfred,” Bruce said, and the butler nodded, ascending the steps.

Hal walked towards them. “So, what’s the deal? Why do you need me?”

Bruce looked at her and she sighed. “Actually, I’m the one who needed you to come here, Hal.”

His brown eyes darted to hers, a flash, a recognition of something and he nodded. “Aright. What’s up?”

“Dad…give us a moment?” he nodded and stood from the Batcomputer, walking to the medical section on the other side of the cave. She waved Hal over. “You might wanna sit down.”

He did, albeit suspiciously. “Why are you acting so…weird?”

“Hal,” she said, then looked at her hands. “I’m…ah crap.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked, brows furrowing.

She took a deep breath and admitted, “My period’s late and there’s a good chance I’m pregnant.”

For a moment, Hal didn’t say a word, then he burst into laughter. “Oh, that’s hilarious!” he held his stomach and wiped his eyes. “That’s a good one.”

“I’m not joking, Hal,” she spat. “In the last three months, you’re the only man I’ve had sex with. If I’m pregnant, you’re the father.”

He stopped laughing at that. “Are you being serious?”

“Dead.”

Hal ran a hand through his brown hair and let out a shocked breath. “Holy hell.” She watched him and he gaped at her. “W-what…what do we do?”

“I’ve got an appointment with Doctor Leslie at four. You’re welcome to come along if you’d like.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I will.” Swallowing thickly, he said, “Does he know?”

“Dad? Yeah. They all do.”

“They?” he repeated, eyes wide.

“My brothers.”

“You told them we slept together?”

She chuckled. “Apparently a year ago under heavy meds, I admitted I slept with Dad, Dick, and Jason’s exes.” She shrugged. “There’s not much I keep from them.”

Hal’s eyes shifted to Bruce’s back. “Can’t imagine the Big-Bat is happy about this.”

“Oh, he’s not. He thinks you’re an idiot, but judging by the look on your face, you already know that.”

He scoffed. “Your dad likes to think he’s smarter than everyone else.”

She cocked a brow. “He is.”

“And it seems like you’re following that strain well,” he shot back, and they glared at each other before cracking smiles.

“If this is real, we’re going to be some parents, huh?”

Hal could sense the fear in her voice, and he stood in front of her, placing his hands on her hips. “Hey,” he murmured. “No parents are perfect. And we’re sure as hell not.”

“If this is supposed to cheer me up, it’s not.”

“I’m not trying to cheer you up. I’m trying to reassure you,” he corrected, squeezing her hips lightly. “We’ll work through this, and we’ll do it together.”

She gazed at him then heaved a sigh and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Thanks Hal.”

“Don’t mention it,” he chuckled, then murmured, “But if we really are going to be parents, should we tie the knot?”

“Absolutely not.”

***

“Hal, for the love of God, will you sit down?” she griped. “You’re starting to make me anxious with all that pacing.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair before shrugging off his bomber. “I can’t help it,” he retorted. “I hate waiting.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” She rolled her eyes. “Leslie’s working as fast as she can. Just sit down and be patient.”

Hal paced for another minute before collapsing into the seat beside her; she took his hand in hers and rubbed her thumb on the back of his hand. “What are you doing?” he asked, and she hummed.

“Comforting you.”

“Why?”

She looked at him. “Because you’re worried.”

“How are you not?”

“I am,” she commented, and he scowled.

“You don’t look it.”

“Well, that’s because I was trained to retain my emotions a as child,” she retorted. “It helps when I’m dealing with children who are scared.”

“I’m not a child,” Hal hissed, and she snorted.

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“You know what? I’m gonna—”

The door opened and their mouths snapped shut as Leslie walked in with a smile. “Good afternoon.”

“Hey Leslie,” she greeted, then glanced at the papers in her hand. “So? What’s the verdict?”

Leslie handed her the file and she looked it over. “Case of irregular period, dear.”

She blinked and said dumbly, “I’m not pregnant?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Our bodies act up sometimes, even when we’re grown. Irregularities can still happen even now.” Clearing her throat, Leslie added, “But your blood and urinalysis came back negative. You’re not pregnant.” She looked between Hal and her. “With the results, you’re free to leave.”

She stood to her feet, but when Hal didn’t, she tugged his hand. “Hal,” she whispered. “Come on.”

He staggered to his feet. “Yeah, I’m coming.” He disappeared out of the clinic room, and she sighed, then looked at Leslie.

“Thanks doc.”

“Of course.”

***

They were quiet on the park bench, watching the sun reflect off the water and listening to the birds singing in the sky. “So…I guess that’s a relief,” Hal stated, and she nodded.

“Yeah. I guess it is.” Laughing, she said, “I mean could you imagine if I were actually carrying your kid?” when he didn’t laugh, she looked over at him. “Hal?”

He blinked, shaking himself out of his thoughts. “Yeah, couldn’t imagine it.”

“Hal,” she plead. “Are you upset that I’m not?”

“What? No. No, I’m relieved you’re not pregnant, but…” he sighed and shrugged. “I dunno at the same time as scared as I was, I was happy, you know? Ready to step up and be there for you.”

She lowered her gaze to his hands and reached over, placing hers over his and he took it, squeezing. “Well, look at it this way. This was the universe telling you that you’re ready to be a father and this was the universe telling me that I’m not ready to be a mom or your baby’s mother.”

Hal gazed at her for a moment then chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it is.” He squeezed her hand again and climbed to his feet, flashing green as his suit appeared. “Now that everything’s sorted out, I should be getting back to Coast City.”

“Sounds good,” she agreed, standing to her feet.

“Can I drop you off anywhere?”

“Nah, I’m gonna walk around for a bit,” she said.

Hal took to the sky then looked down at her. “If you ever find yourself ready…call me?”

A shocked laugh bubbled in her chest, and she shook her head. “Not a chance in hell, Jordan.”

“Come on, don’t you think it would be fun to have the old Bat call me his son in law?”

Giggling, she waved him off. “Get out of here, Hal.”

Winking, he replied, “See you later, babe.”

She couldn’t help but chuckle and watch him leave, then she shook her head. “Ridiculous.” But a small smile was still on her lips as she headed down the street.

***Alternate Ending***

She gazed numbly out at the water, not sure if she should feel surprise or shock, but whatever emotion she was feeling had completely dumbfounded her. She was pregnant. Her hands had unconsciously pressed tight to her stomach, and she felt sick more than anything. Sick, scared, ashamed, every emotion that came with sleeping with a coworker—and every TV show and movie where the woman got pregnant from the affair.

How was she going to explain this to her family? To her friends? How was she going to face their scrutiny? Pregnant out of wedlock? With the biggest skirt-chasing, arrogant asshole in the galaxy? She’d take the brunt of their scathing opinions. He’d get off scot-free. He’d—

“(Y/N).” Someone’s hand rested on her shoulder, and she blinked, suddenly brought from her stupor and she looked over at him; his gaze was full of worry. “Are you okay?”

Instantly, she felt angry, and she jerked away from him, standing to her feet. “Am I okay!” she shouted. “You got me pregnant! Do you have any idea what this is going to do to us! To our reputations! To mine!”

Irritation etched across his face, and he stood to his feet, getting in her face. “It takes two to tango, (Y/N). We both did this—not just me.”

Her mouth opened to retort sharply, but damned if he didn’t have a point and she shut her mouth, tasting something bitter as she looked away. “I’m going home.”

She turned and his hand shot out, grabbing hold of her arm. “Wait, I don’t want you going alone.”

“Let go of me.” She hissed, trying to pull away, but he tightened his grip.

“No. It’s too dangerous for you to be out alone.”

(Y/N) scoffed. “I think you’re forgetting who you’re talking to Jordan. I’m—”

“The mother of my child.” Hal declared and she gaped at him. “I know what you and your family think of me. I know you think I’m an arrogant asshole and yeah, I’ll admit that I am.” He pulled her to him and wrapped his arm around her waist. “But if you think for a second, I’m going to let you wander around this bat-shit crazy city alone while pregnant, then you’re the one who’s being arrogant.”

He searched her gaze. “I’m many things, (Y/N). But I’m not going to abandon you or shy away from whatever this is.”

She swallowed thickly. “What do you mean ‘whatever this is’? Parents?”

“Us.” Hal said. “Maybe it’s just my big head, but I see the way you look at me. Yeah, I annoy the hell out of you, but you care for me.” He reached up, cupping her cheek. “And I care about you too. More than just what teammates should for one another.”

(Y/N) didn’t know what to say, because he did have a point. Hal was an annoying prick who at many times provoked her into physical confrontation, but on the other hand, there was nothing she loved more than fighting with him, because she knew he found it just as amusing.

Her gaze lowered and she felt tears well in her eyes. “I’m scared, Hal.”

“I know. I am too,” he murmured. “But we’re going to get through this.” He tipped her head up, catching her eyes once more. “We will get through this. Together.”

(Y/N)’s lips wobbled, and she tried for a lighthearted comment. “Isn’t fraternization against the rules?”

Hal grinned. “Only in the military.” He winked. “Last time I checked—we’re not in it.”

She laughed, leaning forward, and pressed her forehead to his. “How’s everyone going to react to this?”

He shrugged. “Probably with shock. I mean about me getting a girl pregnant? Not likely. Getting you pregnant? More likely.”

“Shut up.”

“I think we should consider getting married though.”

(Y/N) pulled away and stared at him. “Excuse me?”

Hal looked at her. “(Y/N), we should think about getting married. I mean, we’re gonna have a kid together. Might as well tie the knot while we’re at it.”

She merely blinked and spun, walking off. “Nope. Not happening. I’ll be your baby-mama, but I am not marrying you.”

“Hey! Wait up!”

[jobrookekarev]

He's Wrapped Around Her Finger

Chapter: 1/1

Words: 3500

Summary: While Jo’s sleeping Alex gets to know his newborn daughter and settles into the role of Dad.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson.

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, Helena Karev, and Meredith Grey.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Babies, Baby Care, Fluff, It’s so fluffy I'm going to die, Alex being a Dad, Alex and Jo being smitten with their daughter, Blood Mentioned.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

AN: 3 fanfics in a week who is she! Also I had to Google what color the indicator line on diapers were because I remembered it was yellow at the start, but I didn't remember what color it would turn when it was wet so that how long it’s been since I changed a diaper.

……………………………………………………………………

“Helena Meredith Karev born on November 26th at 5:36 am at 21 inches long and weighing at 8 lb 15 oz., just 1 oz short of 9 lb,” Alex announced as he spoke to Meredith on the phone.

“1 oz. short of 9 lb wow,” Meredith said in astonishment. “How's Jo recovering?”

“She's doing good. She and the baby are asleep right now.”

Alex looks over at the bassinet that was parked next to Jo's bed. Jo slept on her side with one hand in the bassinet on their daughter's chest. Jo’s abandonment issues had come up earlier and Alex noticed she was having a hard time letting Helena out of her sight. Her hand on Helena's chest in the bassinet was how Jo maintained contact with her daughter while getting some much needed rest.

“Good, now promise me you'll never tell Jo that her daughter almost weighed 9 lb. at birth,” Meredith insisted with a little laugh.

“What? Why not?” Alex said confused as he looked over the little note card posted on  Helena's bassinet that listed her weight and other details. “Jo knows how much she weighs.”

“Yeah, Jo knows Helena weighs 8 lb. and 15 oz., but when you say she almost weighs 9 lb it isn’t the same thing. Thinking of your baby as 8 lb vs 9 lb is different. No woman likes to be remembered how big their baby was and how hard it was to push them out unless you want Helena to be an only child.”

“Okay, I promise to say she weighs 8 lb. and 14oz. whenever Jo asks,” Alex said rolling his eyes at Meredith as he watched Jo shift in her sleep so her legs were more apart.

Watching Jo be in excruciating amounts of pain as she labored was hard for him, but he pushed it aside to be there to support his wife. Jo’s pain was to the point of which she was completely out of it, just going through the motions as she pushed their daughter into the world. Alex had watched quite a few women give birth, but it was different because it was Jo. He loved her and he hated seeing her in pain knowing that he had partially caused it. 

When they had discussed having kids, Alex knew it would include a painful labor and that it would be hard on Jo and her body. Despite her training as an OB and numerous birth classes they had gone to, Jo didn't realize she was in labor until she was in active labor and they had to rush to the hospital. Alex knew that because of this experience Jo may not want to get pregnant again. If that was her decision, he would abide by it. Alex was happy because he was so absolutely content with the little girl in front of him. 

“Congratulations, Alex,” Meredith said, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“You said that already,” Alex said although he didn't mind hearing it again.

“Yeah well, I'm going to say it again. Have you texted Cristina yet?”

“No, not yet and we haven't talked to too many people, apart from the video call earlier, I’ve just talked to you and my mom. It's hard to find the time. I just keep staring at her, and thank you Meredith for everything.”

“You mean for waking you up so you didn't miss your wife's labor, you're welcome.”

“Yeah that especially,” Alex said as he couldn't help but chuckle as he remembered the chaotic events of that morning. “I'll talk to you later, bye”

“Bye.” 

Alex put away his phone and settled into the uncomfortable chair next to Jo’s bed. He thought that they'd make these chairs more comfortable considering that most second parents and family members usually ended up spending the night there, but apparently not. He would have to check the budget and see if they could upgrade the chairs. Despite how he was no longer the chief of surgery, Alex learned a lot, and he still occasionally found himself reverting to taking care of the business side of the hospital. Alex shuffled around trying to get comfortable but clearly, he was not sleeping in this chair that afternoon.

Alex watched over his girl. He smiled at the thought, his girls, he had a daughter. He had a child of his own and oh how he was in love with her. Helena squealed in the bassinet throwing her arms around and Alex was up in an instant. Her tiny face squished even further as she let out a single cry. Jo stirred next to her and he felt like he was in the middle of a complicated surgery. 

Alex was quick to slip his hand under Helena as he took Jo's hand and put it next to her. He was cautious so as not to wake his sleeping wife and let her get the rest she deserved while also soothing their newborn. As soon as he put down Jo's hand and moved to cradle Helena, he stopped for a moment. Jo sighed but didn't move or wake up and he looked down at Helena who cried out again. Helena spread out her arms and continued to fuss. After a certain number of years, soothing babies became instinctual and Alex started to sway and shush. 

“Shh, Shh, it's okay, Daddy's got you.” Alex smiled down at her as she stopped fussing and opened her eyes to look up at him.

Helena studied him for a moment, staring into his soul in the way only a baby could before she decided this wasn't what she wanted, and cried out again in that little uh fussy cry. 

“Okay, okay,” Alex said, he looked back to the chair before he sat down and laid Helena on his knees. He undid the blanket intending to redo it into a proper swaddle. “Oh, I see what it is.” 

Alex saw the full diaper and the blue line that indicated she had her first wet diaper. He was weirdly proud about it especially as it meant that her kidneys were functioning well and she was hydrated. “Okay, give me a second.”

Alex cradled her close to his chest as he got up and walked over to the drawers where they kept wipes and diapers. He got the supplies and went over to the changing table in the bathroom. He propped the door open in case Jo woke up as he didn't want her to panic when they were gone and got the changing table open.

“You know, I promised your mom I’d do all of these diaper changes since she carried you for nine months, basically built you from scratch, and just now endured quite a few hours of labor with you. She wanted an epidural you know, but she didn’t realize she was in labor. You gotta remind me to tease her about that later, but not until after her stitches heal, and you were eager to get here too huh?” Alex said to Helena as she continued to fuss a little bit more as he quickly changed her and got her settled in a fresh diaper. 

Alex staring down at her as he pulled down the onesie Jo had put on her. He knew Jo like the ‘little turkey’ onesie, but it had buttons and buttons were always a struggle, even for a seasoned Ped’s doctor like he was. Alex resisted the urge to grab the other baby gown or even the one with the zippers as he finally did the last button. 

“There we go, are we happy now?” Alex asked, Helena looked around and was content and wiggled around. He wrapped her up into a proper swaddle before he picked her up again, but she looked up at him and then cried out again, still not happy. “I know, I am not-mom right now aren't I.”

Alex quietly talked to her as he settled her in his arms and walked back into the room. He sat down in the recliner and started to rock back and forth. “I'm not-Mom. I'm not what you want, I know, we don't know each other yet, although you might recognize my voice. I've read you lots of stories while you were still in your mommy's belly. I even did a little bit of singing too, but don't tell anyone around here that.” 

Alex settled into the movement of the chair as he looked down at Helena. She had stopped fussing and stared up at him again, seeming to take him in as she listened to his voice and he took that as a cue to continue. 

“I guess now would be the proper time for an introduction. I'm your dad, most people call me Alex or Dr. Karev around here at the hospital. Your mom calls me Alex too, but she drags it out a little in a way that's pretty adorable. Your Aunt Cristina is going to call me Evil Spawn and your Auntie Mare might do it too. You've met her already, although you probably didn't notice. She was on the video called when you were born, but I remember how you and your mom only had eyes for each other. Your mom and I, we don't have a big bio family, but we do have lots of friends and they're our family. They all love you so much already, especially your cousin Ellis.”

Alex rambled off to her as Helena just watched him, and he took in his daughter. He never really saw familiar features in newborns. They always just looked similar, like babies and not much else. The features really didn’t come in until they were a little older and then you could say they look like one parent or the other. Yet, as Alex looked down at Helena he saw his chin and his crooked lips in the way that she frowned as she cried. She looked like Jo too, she had Jo’s cute little cheeks and her eyes. Although she looked like an even mix of them now, he could tell that she was going to be a little tiny Jo running around their house. They joked about how they'd never be able to say no to their kid, and Alex knew that with just one look from Helena and he would melt like snow in the sun. His daughter would always be the bright spot in his day.

Helena's eyes started to droop, but she would occasionally blink them open. As if she was fighting sleep as much as Jo did. “You are already so much like your mother. She does that same thing too, you know. When we watch movies on the couch with Reese's, you haven't met him yet and he just knows you as the thing that keeps him from sitting on Mommy's lap. It might be a while before you two become friends, but you’ll like him too.” 

Alex rocked her as she fell asleep in his arms and it made him feel some weird sense of accomplishment because his kid fell asleep in his arms. He knew from experience that getting a baby back to sleep was no easy feat. He continued to hold her, not ready to put her back down again. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be ready to put her down and he knew why Jo was hesitant to do so as well. He just sat there and rocked his daughter and held her and patted her back. 

“Anyway, Saturday nights are movie nights and your Mommy always curls up in my lap and puts her head on my chest. She always says she'll stay up and watch the whole movie,” Alex said as he leaned closer to whisper to Helena. “But she never does.”

“That's not true,” Jo whispered and Alex looked up to see her smile from where she was curled up in bed. 

She must have been watching them for a little while and he smiled back at her. A sense of relief filled his mind as she had woken up without panicking for the first time and he tried to remain calm as he smiled back at her.

“It is true, you always fall asleep just, like clockwork before the end credits.”

“I didn't fall asleep when we watched that one really bad horror movie.” 

“Yeah because it scared the crap out of you. I had to turn it off because you started crying.” 

“No, we had to turn it off because Reeses wouldn't stop barking at it.”

“Okay Princess,” Alex said, smiling as she raised her eyebrows at him and he chuckled as he got up and walked over to sit on her bed. The second he sat down Jo reached out, and he thought she was going to take Helena, but instead, she smacked the side of his arm. “Hey, I've got precious cargo here.”

“She’s fine and you can't use our daughter as a shield to protect you against my wrath,” Jo teased with a smirk of her own. She carefully sat up and Alex's smile faded as she grimaced when she moved. 

“Is your ice pack still cold? Do you want me to get you a new one or something?”

“No, I think I bled through the pad again.” 

Jo pulled back the blankets and he was relieved to see that there were no bloodstains on the sheets. Jo carefully got up out of bed and Alex put Helena down in the bassinet. 

“No, just hold her, I’ll be fine,” Jo said, waving him off. 

“Jo, let me take care of you,” Alex insisted as he watched Helena for a second to see if she’d fuss before he went over to help his wife. 

Alex put his arm around her and grabbed the IV pole as they took small and wide steps over to the bathroom. Jo let go of his waist as she stepped into the bathroom and grabbed the peri bottle and her other supplies. Alex got out a new ice pad and activated it, shaking it up before he felt it cool in his hand. He handed it to her before she waved him off again. 

“Just let me help you, Jo. I know it hurts you to whip and…”

“Alex,” Jo said, slightly annoyed as she cut him off. “You can change our daughter's diapers, not mine. I got this.”

“Are you sure, because honestly, I don't mind,” Alex argued, he wasn't sure how much she would let him take care of her, but he wanted to do this for her. If she let them. 

“Alex, today multiple people, several of whom are my coworkers, have seen me naked on a bed pushing out a baby. I need a moment of privacy,” Jo said, holding her hand out to block him from coming close.

Alex nodded and took a step back. He made a big thing about covering his eyes and turned around to go back out into the room, bumping into the doorway as Jo laughed behind him. He smiled as it didn't hurt that much and hearing her laugh after her tears earlier felt good. Alex rubbed his forehead as he went back into the room and picked up Helena again, knowing Jo would want to hold her the second she was back in bed. 

Alex looked down at her and smiled, completely smitten. From the moment Jo told him she was pregnant, he was over the moon. He had seen how parents had fallen in love with their child and he felt that love the moment Jo was pregnant. The moment Carina had placed their daughter on Jo’s chest. It was like his heart burst with love and happiness. It was so overwhelming and utterly consuming. He loved his daughter more than he could describe. 

He had taken care of babies his entire life. His mom had started to slip just after Amber turned one so the majority of her care fell to him. He practically raised Amber and Aaron until they were all put in foster care. After Amber got sick and had to go to the hospital and the state finally stepped in. After that, he took care of his mom throughout high school and college up until the day he got the job and flew out to the then Seattle Grace Hospital. Even then he sent money and hired someone to check on her. When it came to his career, he wanted to go into plastics, but somehow he ended up in Peds and he was good there. 

He took care of thousands of babies over the years and in caring for them he loved them. Alex watched their parents love them more than anything in the world, and he got a bit of that love when it came to Meredith’s kids. They were his nieces and nephew and he loved them like they were his own because they were family, but he still didn't experience the kind of love a parent had for their child, until the moment his child was there. It was all he could think about. She was all-consuming in a way that he could just stare at her for hours.

It wasn't until he really succeeded at being a Peds doctor that he knew he could be a dad. Even though it still terrified him. Every injured kid that walked through the door he could see being his kid. He went home to Jo and put his hands on her belly and he worried. Alex worried about all the possible complications, diseases, and injuries that their kids could get. Even now staring down at her, he knew she was perfect. Her APGAR score was a 10, she had good reflexes, and she was eating and wetting her diapers, and she was perfect, but he still worried. He was so lost in thought that he even noticed Jo had come up behind him until she pressed up against him and they stared down at their daughter. 

“She's perfect, Alex,” Jo whispered to him, kissing his cheek. She had always been able to since his worries.

“Yeah, she is,” Alex said as he put his arm around her as they both stared at Helena completely in awe of their daughter.

Jo moved to get back in bed and Alex helped her up, despite how she protested. After she was settled, Alex placed Helena in her arms before Jo could even ask.

“Thank you,” Jo whispered, cradling her close. 

They both continued to stare down at her and Alex sat back down in the chair and scooted closer to their bedside. Helena’s little eyes fluttered open, but she didn't cry as she stared up at Jo who smiled down at her. Completely smitten as well. 

“Yeah, that’s Mommy isn’t it,” Alex said reaching out and putting his hand on Jo’s knee. Jo didn't even glance up at him, she just smiled down at Helena. 

In the past nine months, he had watched Jo go through so many emotions, as he watched her become a mother. Everything she did was to care for their daughter. He knew that Jo was terrified about becoming a mom when they first started talking about kids years ago. She knew the heartache of a bad childhood because she lived it. She was terrified of her genes and she wanted a career first so he waited patiently for her to be ready. 

Watching her with their daughter in just the past few hours Alex thought she was the best mom in the world, although he might be a little biased. Jo was so good with her, the second Helena fussed or cried, Jo would pick her up. She was so attentive to their daughter and so loving, Alex couldn't help but just watch them together. 

“Daddy is staring at us,” Jo giggled as she looked up and caught him.

 Alex smiled completely unashamed. “What can I say, I'm awestruck by the two beautiful girls in front of me, my girls.”

“Your girls,” Jo smiled before she realized something and giggled. “Alex Karev has a daughter.”

“Oh God,” Alex said, putting a hand over his face as he realized the karmic payback that was coming to him. 

“With your luck, she’ll probably be crazy for whatever gender she ends up liking,” Jo laughed putting her hand on his arm as the color drained from his face.

“No, no, she is a baby. We're not talking about this,” Alex said, shaking his head.

“She's not going to be a baby forever,” Jo said as she tilted her head and smiled at him, clearly enjoying torturing him.

“No, but she is a baby right now, a newborn and she's going to stay that way,” Alex said looking down at Helena and rubbing her little cheek.

Jo giggled again as she leaned forward and reached her hand out to wrap around his neck and pull in for a kiss. Alex let himself linger on Jo's lips as she smiled against his lips. Helena squealed and they parted with a laugh as they looked down at their daughter who stared up at Jo. Jo traced her finger down Helena’s cheek as she rocked her and Alex smiled at his girls. Yeah, this was perfect.

……………………………………………………………………

AN: On a scale of 1 to 10 how much did this turn you into a pile of mush?

[springday-aus]

Superpower!AU with Hyungwon

—

Group: Monsta X

Member: Chae Hyungwon

Genre: fluff, romance, small [very minimal] angst

TW: car accident - don’t worry, no one died 

Type: Bulletpoint AU 

Word Count: approx. 2.8k

→ Inspired by the AU Prompt: “I know you can read minds and I really like you so I’m constantly filtering my thoughts—stop making fun of how I think of fighting giraffes, it’s my go-to when I think about you shirtless” 

so Hyungwon has the power of telepathy

how he got it was rather odd

he wasn’t necessarily born with it—it kind of came to him

despite what people might think, it wasn’t radioactivity

it was actually due to an accident

when he was young, there was a minor encounter

basically, there was a car and semi-truck incident

next thing he knew, his parents were in critical condition and he was being rolled into the ER for surgery

when he woke up, he was in his hospital bed and the ventilator was hooked up to him

he heard the voices of the nurses and the doctors, but their mouths weren’t moving

originally he brushed it off since he hasn’t fully recovered and his vision kept going in and out

but once he did recover… he could still hear them

luckily, his parents were okay

and that was how he was able to confirm his new-found power

he was able to hear theirs first and it was…. insane

he was freaked out, his parents were freaked out 

once they calmed down, they tried to figure out what to do—they eventually came to the conclusion to just let it happen

they can’t control that so they might as well figure it out together 

at first, it was uncontrollable, so he heard these voices whether or not he wanted to hear them

it was always loud and his own thoughts were never heard in his own head

oh, the amount of migraines he’d gotten from a young age…

but, don’t worry, he learned to maintain it as he grew up

now, he’s able to listen whenever he looks at someone and concentrate a bit more

he’s got a better control of it, but it also means he has to be careful as to where he looks bc he doesn’t wanna listen in on someone’s private thoughts

he’s always been getting in trouble when he was trying not to get in trouble when it comes to his telepathy

that tends to happen a lot in general though

because you’re hearing a lot of thoughts that you’re not trying to hear

which is why music became a good route of distraction

at first, the monsta x boys made fun of him for not getting airpods, but, after telling them about his telepathy, they understood why he got those big ass headphones

but, we’ll get to them later

anyways

bruh, high school was extra rough on this man

can you imagine hearing all of those thoughts? especially of hormonal teenage boys?

nasty

anyways

I like to think that this is why he sleeps so much

when he first got it, it was very emotionally draining for him and he slept like twelve hours at a time

unfortunately, he got into this habit and now he can doze off if he zones out enough

he slept a lot in high school, considering that he was trying not to hear his teacher’s thoughts and the other students and focus on the lesson and would end up falling asleep on his desk and then getting in trouble with the teachers

again, it’s that whole getting in trouble without meaning to get into trouble

so anyways

his family are the main people who know and god

the amount of family tea he’s gotten from his parents’ thoughts

while he does hate being able to hear all these thoughts without a choice, his favorite is the family gatherings and reunions

homeboy could make a tv novella with all the information he’s got on his family

because his immediate family are the ones who know, whereas his cousin that’s like twice removed doesn’t, but that’s justifiable

also, his parents have to be careful when they’re talking about him or his younger brother tho

(Hyungwon: “dad, am I not your favorite?”

his dad: “I don’t have have favorites”

Hyungwon: “the lies”)

other than his family, his long time friends also know, i.e. the monsta x boys

I’m talking long term because he’s so comfortable with them and Hyungwon was stupid and let it slip

Jooheon: I know we agreed on Chinese but I kind of wanted pizza

Hyungwon: “we can get both if you want”

Jooheon: “get what?”

Hyungwon: wait a second

oh, whenever they play games, Hyungwon uses this telepathy to help him cheat

and Changkyun was suspicious of how Hyungwon, the guy who falls asleep 20 minutes into a movie, had such good gaming tactics

his suspicions were confirmed when Hyungwon told them but they all also lowkey were confused and didn’t believe him, altho it did fill in a few of the gaps

like how Hyungwon gives perfect gifts for people that they can actually use

and how he can easily solve issues before they can even become bigger issues

there were just bits and pieces that came together and he did get to prove it

Kihyun: “what am I thinking about?”

Hyungwon: “I don’t think you would want me to say it in front of our Minhyuk here”

Kihyun: …… “okay, you pass”

but revealing this also means a lot of questions

especially from Minhyuk, who’s bouncing around and is curious as to how it works

and isn’t like always being verbally asked

like, the questions will just pop into their heads and Hyungwon hears it

actually what he hears is

Minhyuk: can he hear animal thoughts?

Minhyuk: do they speak English? or do they speak in that animal sound?

Minhyuk: should I ask him? or am I going to be bothering him?

Minhyuk: okay, try to be casual and slip it in and-

Hyungwon: “I can only hear people’s thoughts, now can we please get on with the meal?”

Minhyuk: oh right he can hear mine

Hyungwon: “YES I CAN HEAR IT PLEASE BE QUIET”

Wonho: …. “what’s going on????”

this is why he favors you compared to the others

you’re curious, but not like super curious like Minhyuk

but it’s also because your thoughts are the most hilarious ones

it’s primarily because you censor a lot of your thoughts with other thoughts and they are….. eccentric

there’s a reason tho

long story short: you like him

you two are basically childhood friends

you met in middle school and woke him up before he could get in trouble and it was all history from there

it wasn’t until around the college years that the feeling hit you like a ton of bricks

and when it did hit, you were lucky Hyungwon wasn’t around to read your thoughts

because……... oof

he went from that kid with acne that you used to spray water at to keep awake

to a handsome young man that makes your heart pound so loudly in your chest

he had told you about these powers of his about a year into college, when he realized you weren’t going to disappear from his life so easily

but also because you were thinking about how the fbi is definitely listening in on your conversations because you got an ad on instagram about those sleeping bags that make it look like you were being eaten by a shark and he HAD to make a comment

Hyungwon: “dude what the fuck”

You: “what?”

Hyungwon: “how bad is your anxiety that you’re worried about the fbi agent in your phone?”

You: …… **narrows eyes** “I didn’t say anything about an fbi agent”

Hyungwon: ah shit, here we go again

anyways

that’s just a small glimpse of what Hyungwon has to hear

your thoughts were hilarious to tune into, to the point where Hyungwon listens in when you’re daydreaming and it’s like his news for the day

and it only got worse (at least for you) because you were constantly censoring your thoughts after your self-discovery of your feelings for him

you two were studying in the library one time for finals and he got real close to get a good look at the textbook to see where you were

and you couldn’t stop thinking about how close he was

but when he looked at you

you immediately switched your thoughts to think about that time Wonho choked on his ramen noodles

Hyungwon: “why are you thinking about Wonho choking?”

You: “because it’s funny?”

Hyungwon: …… “fair point”

and so now, you have something to turn to each time an incident happens

whenever he says something that makes your heart flutter, you think about Ted Bundy’s yellow buggy

whenever he makes you unconsciously jealous, you think about fat cats sitting on glass tables

you have something for everything

and Hyungwon has no idea because you’ve gotten so fucking good at hiding it

until one day, you were out with the boys, trying out this new restaurant that opened beside the river

Jooheon talks about how nice it would be nice to go to the beach sometime

Shownu tries to start plans and says y’all could plan a barbeque and make a whole trip out of it

but then Kihyun whines, saying he’s not ready because he hasn’t gone to the gym in a month

Wonho: “you haven’t gone to the gym period”

Kihyun: “better than me living there like you do”

Wonho: “and who’s the one with the abs?”

Kihyun: “son of a bitch”

that got you thinking

Hyungwon? on the beach? that means he’s just gonna chill on the side

but that also means….. a shirtless Hyungwon

Shownu: “what do you think (y/n)?”

You: “nothing, absolutely nothing”

Hyungwon looks over at you with a knowing look in his eyes

You: “what?”

Hyungwon: ………….. “why are you thinking about fighting giraffes?”

Minhyuk: “.... is that really what (y/n)’s thinking?”

Changkyun: “dude”

You: “sorry for thinking about the zoo?”

Hyungwon: “we were talking about the beach, why were you thinking about the zoo?”

You: god, I wanna die

Hyungwon: “well, are you going to die before or after the beach trip?”

Shownu: “we need to keep track of the body count, (y/n), this is important” 

sometimes you also wonder why you like him when these moments occur

but then he gives you that smile and you think to yourself

it do be like that 

and because you all are trying to plan out the beach trip, you couldn’t stop thinking about…. shirtless Hyungwon

therefore 

starts up more thoughts about fighting giraffes ensue

and more teasing on behalf of Hyungwon to you

Hyungwon: “do you wanna go to the zoo instead???? is that why you keep thinking about these giraffes????”

You: I. want. to. die.

Hyungwon: “you’ll die if you join the fighting giraffes—oW OWW OKAY I’LL SHUT UP”

the nonstop teasing for weekkkkkksss

until he finally asks you, the day before the trip

Hyungwon: “seriously, are you upset that we went out to the beach instead of the zoo?”

You: ugh, this whole ass man keeps making fun of me for thinking about fighting giraffes, this is your fault for being so fucking attract-

You: WONH O CHOKI NG ON RAMEN

Hyungwon: “WHOA NO FINISH YOUR THOUGHT”

You: NO

You: WONHO. CHOKING. LALALALLALA-

you avoided him for the rest of the day and filled your head with more censored thoughts

so he couldn’t hear anything else

and he didn’t

homeboy was left so confused because

he really likes having you as a friend but

having you as a partner would be so much better

he’s liked you since high school

hearing your thought process and little quirks

he grew fond of them

he knows it’s really invasive, but, in his defense, he was still learning to control them

and he found himself staring at you more and more, accidentally hearing your thoughts

one thing he really hated about his power is that even when he’s just taking in your presence………… he can still hear it even if he doesn’t try to

but anyways

he was sure of his feelings, but didn’t wanna push anything until he was absolutely sure

and now just might be that chance

so, after ducking him the entire day, which is hard to do when he’s trying to find you the entire day

(it’s not that hard considering all he hears from you is “FBI AGENTS GET OUT”)

(at least, that’s what you were trying to think so he doesn’t hear anything else about how you were going to explain yourself)

and he manages to catch you when the boys set up a bonfire and there’s no other spots…… except the one next to Hyungwon

which he totally, 100% did not plan

;)

anyways, you try to distract yourself by focusing your attention the marshmallow you have roasting over the fire

whereas he’s trying to read your mind, but it goes to waste as your attention is solely focused on the marshmallow

hence the tune of IU’s Marshmallow being played in your head

some of the other guys leave the bonfire, either to take a nightly beach stroll or to sleep 

and that left you, Hyungwon, and a melting marshmallow that you were trying to keep from completely burning

before you could flee though, Hyungwon speaks up

Hyungwon: “what? no fighting giraffes?”

You: “I will hit you with a flaming marshmallow”

you thought about it for a second tho, why did you think about fighting giraffes?

the boys were talking about the beach and then they talked about the trip

and the beach made you think about a shirtless Hyungwon

…………. shirtless Hyungwon

FIGHTING GIRAFFES

Hyungwon: “wait what”

You: fuck

You: “fuck”

and then your worst nightmare happens

he starts laughing

You: “sssttttoooppppppp”

You: “it’s my go-to when I think about you shirtless, okay? are you satisfied?”

he keeps laughing

Hyungwon: “do you like the image that much that you have diverted your thoughts from it?”

You: bitch

Hyungwon: “I heard that”

You: “I KNOW YOU DID” 

there’s a bit of a lull and you try to focus on your marshmallow again, but the heat on your face isn’t from the fire alone

Hyungwon: “don’t be embarrassed”

You: “I’m embarrassed because it’s you, idiot”

Hyungwon: “why?”

You: because I like you

Hyungwon: “how dumb of you to think I didn’t feel the same way”

you turn to him

You: really?”

Hyungwon: “yeah really”

Hyungwon: “your marshmallow is burning”

that’s not the only thing burning 

you both assumed that was the night that you both agreed to date

the next day, were the boys shocked that the two of you are dating?

not exactly

bc they knew Hyungwon liked you for quite some time and also the fact that whenever one of them did think you were cute….

let’s just say Hyungwon’s mouth said idc but his eyes said he could murder them and get away with it

also he trusted you enough to tell you about this secret of his, so there was definitely a high chance he was going to develop romantic feelings for you anyways

*cue a sad Minhyuk in the corner somewhere*

KIDDING

or am I

anyways

there isn’t much change to your relationship

other than additional cuddling and pecks here and now

altho there are a couple of changes

your thought processes are more clear because now you have nothing to hide but

they are also unclear because it’s like

Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hyungwon. Hy—

he also tries more and more not to hear your thoughts, but sometimes it’s hard not to hear them, especially as he openly stares at you more and more

but then again, because of that, he’s gaining better and better control of his powers

he lowkey does use it when you get into arguments because it gives him a better understanding of your perspective and that allows him to provide his and it opens up more communication between you two, even if you don’t have telepathy

also he tried to make up for it by saying everything he’s thinking

that was a very bad idea from the start bc you got annoyed really quickly

but you also kind of sympathized with him

You: “I’m sorry you have to hear my thoughts all the time”

Hyungwon: “that’s not your fault”

You: “but that’s not yours either”

he loves being able to talk to you about these things bc it really feels like someone’s in his corner

you try to understand him better and make things easier

whether it’s getting him better headphones

or distracting him with your own obscure thoughts

I’m very sure that anyone who dates Hyungwon in general is going to nap with him so…

many many naps with him with lots and lots of cuddles

you both take care of one another, physically and mentally

especially since you know he isn’t the type that opens himself up to many people

and hearing all of these thoughts, yours and others, must be exhausting for him 

anyways in this household we love and protect Chae Hyungwon bc homeboy is just tired and needs a break 

[crewhonk]

Only Happy Accidents (13)

AN: Second last chapter!!!! How insane is this! Sorry for the late upload, the queue ate the original post rip. Anyways!

Summary: Steve and clan deal with the consequences of YN’s high risk emergency surgery and the birth of Steve’s son, Charlie

Warnings: Surgery complications, mentions of blood, Steve is afraid, Bucky is afraid and he has a little meltdown

“Uneven Odds”— Sleeping at Last / “Everything Changes”— Sara Bareilles / “The Story”— Sara Ramirez

Only Happy Accidents

_________________________

July 5th, one day post birth

Steve sat by the bed, staring. It’s all he could do, honestly. Charlie was asleep in the cradle a foot away (he slept with his mouth as far open as it could go— just like Steve did), and sleep was so far away he couldn’t even think about it. So, he stared.

YN was alive, but the tubes and wires connected to her body and going down her throat made her seem farther away than ever. Her hands were warm, sure, but she wasn’t breathing on her own, so what was the point, really. 

Helen had found him crying over Charlie, and she’d sat down in the chair opposite him and told him that YN’s heart had stopped beating for a while during surgery— something about blood loss, and the lack of oxygen going to her brain for that extended period of time put her ability to wake up or even breathe on her own a slim possibility. Cho had taken him and Charlie down to YN’s room, and the tubes and wires were honest to god worse than the screaming and blood, because at least when she was in that amount of pain, his wife was still alive. Sovereign. 

Steve had immediately asked if he could do something, and after getting his blood tested, found out he wasn’t a match for a blood transfusion— hoping that the enhancements in his blood would help YN heal. Even in all his super-enhanced glory, and with the enhancement created under the best of intentions, Steve still couldn’t save the people he loved the most— no matter what century it was, he couldn’t stop things like this from happening. So, Steve had cried like a damn baby as he held YN’s limp hand, begging and praying and compromising with the universe for her to wake up. 

Charlie was the only thing stopping him from doing something dangerous— the cooing happy baby, unaware of the grief around him was a reminder for Steve that good things still existed. To think that Steve could ever hate something like this— something so good that he’d created made him sick to his stomach. When Steve wasn’t cradling the baby or hovering over the bassinet, he was at YN’s head, pushing the hair away from her face and glaring at the tubes and kissing her cheeks and knuckles. 

Apparently, Bucky Barnes had taken enough pity on him after walking in on him crying for the fifth hour in a row and had pulled Helen aside, asking if he, possibly could get tested. 

He was a match. 

So, that’s how Busy Barnes found himself standing next to his godson and best friend, watching as his own blood— that created and given to him by such evil people for such evil purposes as it saved the lives of the people he cared most about in this world. 

His best friend. 

His godson.

YN Rogers, who had brought so much fullness to everyone she touched— she reminded him so much of Rebecca it tore his heart in half some times. 

And he waited with the Rogers family, holding Charlie when Steve was too distraught to hold him, and leaning into Natasha when he needed the support she gave him. She was taking it hard, too. Not being able to have children herself, and then watching a wonderful, peaceful pregnancy turn into something so traumatic had shaken her to her bones. Her bravery in this made Bucky admire her more than he ever had, and the ring in his pocket burned a hole through his skin down to his bones as more days passed. 

As soon as Helen had injected the blood, her stats had increased gradually— not the dramatic, gasping romantic event he’d half been expecting, but as the hours went on, YN’s cheeks grew flushed with just a little more colour. 

The room remained quiet into the following day. The sun rose slowly on the anxious family, and Steve squinted as the sunlight shone directly in his face. He’d fallen asleep with Charlie sprawled on his chest in the armchair next to YN’s head, and someone had thrown a clean blanket over them, keeping them warm as Charlie was kept in a comfortable snooze agains this fathers heart beat. Steve’s hand cradled the kids bum as he rubbed his back lightly and leaned his head back, shutting his eyes and listening to the constant heart rate beeping from the monitor beside him. She was still alive— that was nice. At some point, Bucky had put Charlie in the basinet so Steve could fall forward onto the bed and just rest his eyes for a few seconds. 

“Steve—” A raspy, chalky, but all too familiar piped up from beside him, and his eyes flashed open as he jolted, almost forgetting the newborn in his arms before hugging him closer and staring at the woman in the bed. 

She didn’t look as if she was awake. Her body hadn’t shifted, and her eyes were still shut peacefully, but the breathing tube was nowhere to be found so either YN was dead and her ghost had come to haunt him or—

“YN?” He whispered, leaning towards the bed and staring hard, begging the Gods again to just stop playing with him. 

“You’re yelling, you know.” She whispered back, cracking her eye open at him. 

“How long have you—“ Steve whimpered, standing and leaning over her, tracing his eyes over her features— she looked good. 

“A few minutes. You looked like shit so I figured you could use the beauty sleep.” She teased and he let out a sound halfway through a cry and laugh before he ducked down and kissed her breathless. He knew she felt just as relieved to have her eyes open by the speed of the heart monitor— it beeped quicker than it had today, and the thought of her alive and well and responding had tears wetting his cheeks. 

“YN, baby. I thought you were— I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do if you didn’t—“ He choked out, tears falling onto her cheeks, which he kissed off quickly. 

“Hey, don’t think about that, okay, baby? I’m alive and— wait, where is my baby?” She cut herself off, suddenly remembering that she was in fact a mother now. Steve smiled and kissed her nose once more, trailing his fingertips over her cheek and lips as he stood up. She kissed his fingertips and he flushed, pulling them away regretfully before turning around to the cradle and scooping a sleeping Charlie into his arms and walking over to his wife. He moved slowly, watching the adoration fill YN’s tired face as Charlie got closer. 

Steve placed him on her chest, and her hand, delicate and hesitant rested on his back as if her touch would shatter him. Charlie stirred only slightly, burrowing his face into YN’s chest and wrapping his tiny fists into the fabric of YN’s hospital gown. 

“This is our son, Charlie.” Steve whispered, throat tight with emotion as YN let out a dry sob. She ran her fingertips over his coned head lightly, the soft downy hair caressing her fingers. 

“Charlie.” YN whispered, tears streaming down her face as she looked down at him. “He looks like you, Steve. And my dad, but there’s a lot of you in him.” She commented and he smiled, hand on her thigh as he stared at the scene in front of him. This— this is the only moment of his life he would ever want to remember. Somehow, despite how scared and angry he had been, everything— everything leading to this moment was worth it. 

“I thought he looked like you. Wait until you see his eyes, baby.” Steve whispered, brushing the back of his knuckle across Charlie’s cheek. 

YN looked up at him, eyes bright and shining and alive and she lips pulled into a tired smile. “Kiss me, Steve Rogers. Please, kiss me.”

And so he did. He sat on the bed next to her, and covered over his little, perfect family and kissed his perfect wife breathless. 

“I love you, YN Rogers. I love you, I love you, I love you and thank you for surviving and coming back to me.” Steve whispered against her lips and she shuddered out a breath. 

“Hey, you married me so you’re stuck with me for life, pal.” YN smiled, kissing him again rubbing her thumb across his cheekbone once she pulled away. He leaned into her touch, turning his face to litter her palm with kisses. The small family was interrupted by a soft knock at the door. 

Steve loved Dr. Cho. He really truly did, and he had all the respect int he world for her, but could he just have an hour without seeing her wearing that stupid damn poker face. There was a polite greeting as she looked over YN’s charts, nodding and humming to herself before she clipped the board back on the bottom of the bed and looked at the Rogers. 

“So, YN, we should likely discuss the surgery.” And with a small nod, Cho continued. Steve shifted to take YN’s hand as she wrapped her free arm around Charlie who made a tiny squeaking noise before smacking his lips and falling back to sleep. 

“So, the surgery was extensive, and did not go without trouble. Your heart stopped for longer than any of us would have liked, and it is because of Mr. Barnes that you’ve recovered so well.” She started and YN looked at her confused. 

“Pardon?”

“Mr. Barnes donated his blood— he was a match for donation, and the serum he had been enhanced with kickstarted your recovery. Without it it’s unlikely you would have woken up with full brain function if you woke up at all.” She said, grimly and YN looked up at Steve quickly, watching him purse his lips and nod. 

“I tried, but we weren’t a match. I couldn’t save you, I’m sorry.” He whispered, coughing when his voice cracked. YN, shocked with the news clutched his hand harder and nodded, turning back to Cho.

“There’s something else, isn’t there.”

“Usually, the placenta carrying the child would be set up higher int he uterus and away from he cervix. However, your own was lower— closer to your cervix, and had adhered to the uterine wall too deeply for it to release properly. Usually, this complication would have been detected in scans, but it was such a microscopic abnormality that we missed it, and during your contractions, your placenta detached too quickly which caused the bleeding and damage.” She said, and YN fell back against the bed. She clutched Charlie closer to her as a comfort and the feeling of his little fists tightening reassured her slightly. 

“So what happens now?” YN whispered, not wanting to look at Steve for fear of him looking disapointed in her. 

“Well, there was so much damage to your uterus that the chances of you becoming pregnant again are low, and if you did the pregnancy would be incredibly high risk. If you’d decided to carry on with the pregnancy, you would likely have to have a cesarian, and depending on the placement of the placenta, the entire uterus would need to come out.” Cho said, trying her best to keep her poker face. 

YN’s chin wobbled at the news and her eyes grew hot as she flicked them up to the room, glaring at the ceiling with everything she had in her. Why would this have happened? Was it because fo the snap? Was it just her body’s inability to deal with things like this? 

Before he let YN fully pull away and retreat into herself, Steve squeezed her hand and called her name. On the third repetition of her name, she looked at Steve and the tears finally fell from he corners of her eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” She whimpered. “I know you wanted a big family but—“

“You stop that right now,” he demanded, voice strong despite the sinking feeling in his heart. “This is not your fault, okay? And I’d rather have a healthy, alive wife and a healthy, loved, spoiled little boy than anything else, okay?” He ducked his head, trying to catch her eyes again. Her beautiful eyes looked up at him again and he cooed, wiping her tears away with his fingers. “And if we decide we want another baby, we can adopt. Maybe we can even get a pet first— cause, you know. That’s something that couples usually do before they get married anyways.” He joked and YN snorted, wiping her eyes and nodding. 

“Maybe a plant.”

“Maybe even a plant.” He confirmed and smiled, kissing her nose and playing his hand on Charlie’s little bum. 

“I would also like to take you out on a date for once. No baby. Just me and you.” He offered and YN smiled, blushing lightly. 

“Yeah, we kinda skipped out on that bit too, huh?” She smiled, and neither Steve nor YN noticed Cho leaving, noticing that her company was no longer wanted in this moment. 

“Like a movie and dinner, and I take you home and kiss you on the doorstep.”

“We live together, Steve.”

“It’s the thought that counts.” He defended. 

“I want flowers.” She said. “And chocolates. I wanna be wooed.” 

Steve sat back and laughed, hand resting over his heart as he looked at her so fondly. “I married you and gave you a baby and you still need to be wooed?”

“No, but I like the way you get flustered when you try to flirt with me.” She wrinkled her nose at him and he rolled his eyes. 

“I do not get flustered.”

“Okay, you big ol’ beefcake DILF. I’ll believe it when I see it.” YN teased, giggling when a blush crept up his neck at the nickname. 

“I am not a DILF.” He hissed, smile on his lips. 

“You’re my DILF.”

_______________

Charlie had latched onto YN’s nipple immediately, and soon enough, the soreness in her breasts diminished exponentially. She sighed and leaned back into the many pillows Steve had brought her once they found out she’d be in this room for the next week and under Cho’s careful eye. It was the first time YN had alone with her son, and frankly, she couldn’t wait to watch this little guy grow up into someone she could love relentlessly. 

He had her eyes. It was simple and plain as the sun— her eyes lived on in Charlie, and seeing the exact mirror of herself in this creation which had lived in her stomach for nine months was nothing like she’d ever felt before. Holding this squirming, cooing little angel in her arms as he fed on her was the most satisfying thing she’d ever felt. She felt productive and accomplished, and peaceful as she ran her fingers over his body. Down his head and cheeks and over his back and bum, poking at his chubby little thighs and counting his toes and fingers over and over again. 

She was scared she wouldn’t feel a maternal surge take over her body once she met Charlie— it was a common thing, apparently. She’d learned about it in the birthing classes she and Steve had gone to, as well as the couples therapy they’d gone to, but it was a weight off her chest to feel this much love for her little guy. 

There was a knock at the door, and YN looked up to see Bucky walk in and upon seeing her breastfeeding averted his eyes. 

“I can come back later if you—“

“Bucky come in.” YN smiled, feeling an incredible warmth of appreciation flood her body at the sight of this man. This man who had given her chances upon chances and who had walked her down the aisle and saved her life— she wouldn’t have anyone else as her sons godfather. 

Bucky nodded, and placed the small bouquet of sunflowers he had brought her on the bedside table and sat in the armchair that Steve had made his home in. His eyes never left Charlie, smiling at him and how well he was feeding. 

“God, he’s a strong little guy huh?” He hummed and YN nodded, looking down at him and sighing. 

“I didn’t think he’d be so small, though. I thought he’d be way bigger considering how big my stomach was.” YN hummed, almost missing the swell of her stomach. She’d shrunk well, but her skin was loose and soft— something she’d have to train down once more with the provided trainers Cho recommended. 

“You did have a huge bump.” He laughed and YN pretended to be offended. There was a period of silence before Bucky spoke again. 

“Did Cho tell you?” He whispered, looking down at his hands and YN nodded. 

“Thank you, Bucky. I know you weren’t the biggest fan of me in the beginning, but that was a very wonderful thing you did.” She responded, feeling regret at her words. No matter how much she praised Bucky and thanked him, he would never know just how damn grateful she was. “You’ve done so much for me these past few months, I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you.”

Bucky let a rush of air through his nose and he shook his head. “You take care of Charlie and Steve, and let them take care of you. That’s how you pay me back.” Bucky smiled a closed mouth smile and he went back to picking at his nails. 

“What’s going on, Buck?” YN whispered, reaching towards him. He shook his head and opened his mouth to speak before shutting it again. “Buck, talk to me.”

“It’s just— I was enhanced with HYDRA’s serum. I was only allowed to save your with a serum hat killed so many people and caused so much pain and that’s not fair to you— you deserved so much more than—“

“James Buchanan Barnes you listen to me now and you listen closely.” She said, making her voice strong but remaining quiet as to not disrupt Charlie. “I don’t know how many people have told you this before, but I’m assuming you’ve heard it more than once. You are not the serum in your blood. You are not the things they made you do. You are the man in the stores Steve told me. You are the man who loves science, and space, and technology. You are a man who loves gun and knives and knows to treat them with respect. You are a man who is planning a proposal to the woman who he loves, and you are a man who carries the ring around waiting for the moment you feel she deserves. You are a man who watches. A man who looks out for the people in his life— for Steve, and Sam, and Natasha. You are the man who sacrifices himself for those he loves. That is the man I want to have as my child’s godfather because I believe that man is someone to look up to as a hero and an idol. James Barnes you are one of the most magnificent people I’ve ever had the true honour to meet.”

Bucky looked up, tears making his grey eyes shine, and he grabbed YN’s hand before pressing his head against it and letting out a sob. She let her hand glide through his hair, soothing him to the best of her ability as he cried into her mattress. 

“You are worthy of the love you receive, James.” YN whispered and he nodded into the mattress, coughing out another sob before wiping his nose and eyes and looking at her with soft eyes. 

“I’m sorry I ever doubted you.” He whispered. “Thank you.”

“You’re my family now, it’s my job to tell you how everyone else feels.”

Bucky wiped his face again and sat back, sighing out a choppy breath. It was a while before his head shot up and stared hard at YN. 

“How did you know I was planning that?” He asked, brows furrowed. 

“Steve’s really bad at keeping secrets. You’re better off doing it sooner than later before he lets it slip to Nat.” YN shrugged, smiling as Bucky’s eyes widened and he shot up front he chair, rushing out of the room to find where Natasha and Steve had gone to, fearing that his best friend really was as ditzy as his wife claimed he was. 

________________

July 13th

“We could so make it all the way down this ramp with me on the back of this wheelchair.” Steve joked as he pushed YN through the halls of the compound in her wheelchair, and YN threw her head back and laughed, slightly startling the baby in her arms. 

“Steven Grant we will do no such thing with your child in my arms, do you understand.” YN scolded through her laughs and she could almost feel Steve’s smile behind her. Charlie had grown strong, and his eyes were brighter than ever as he stared up at his parents and listened to their happy sounds. He was swaddled tightly in a thin blanket, and was dressed in the softest light yellow onesie YN had ever felt. YN’s favourite part of the outfit Steve had chosen today, however, was the black and white beanie with cartoon zebras dancing around the rim of it. God, she’d done well. 

“Yes ma’am.” He chortled, and the sliding doors opened in front of them, making YN gasp a large breath of fresh air. In this moment, she made a vow that she would spend more time outside. This past week of indoor solitude was enough to make her insane. She was excited to go home, though— the familiarity of her own home and the welcoming scents of her and Steve was something that made her eager to leave the compound. 

Steve walked up to the range rover and scooped Charlie into his arms, stealing YN of her breath. It was an image she would never get over— the man of her dreams carrying their child and making Charlie look like the smaller thing in the whole wide world. Steve lifted Charlie up to his face and peppered light kisses all over his chubby cheeks, eliciting shrieking giggles from the child. Steve was the one to make Charlie laugh the most, and it made YN slightly jealous. Mostly happy, but what the heck? She carried the kid for nine months, why wasn’t she the favourite parent. 

“Remember to have it tight! But not too tight because—“ YN watched as Steve put Charlie into the car seat, and he looked back at her, glaring slightly in amusement. 

“I know how to strap the kid in, Sweetheart.” He chided and YN pursed her lips, watching Steve’s every move. Steve tucked Charlie into the seat with a blanket and pulled the carseat hood over him, encouraging the kid to take a nap in the car. 

Steve shut the back door and turned to his wife, smiling down at her. Before she could move to stand herself, he curled his arms around her and scooping his arms around her as he lifted her bridal style. She squealed and cliched at him, making him laugh. He continued to hold her with one arm as he opened the passenger side door and placed her on the seat, cupping her face in his large hands and kissing her softly. 

“How about we go home, huh?” He whispered against her lips and smiled and nodded, kissing him again slowly and tasting him. God, YN would never get over how damn lucky she got with him. 

“I would very much love that. Can we stop at McDonalds though? I need to do something that Cho doesn’t approve of for once.” 

______________

 Later that same night, YN came out of the master bathroom wrapped in a towel to find the hottest thing she’d ever seen before. 

Steve was sitting against the headboard shirtless, his slow even breaths telling her that he was asleep. His long eyelashes dusted over his cheeks, and his mouth was wide open, head lolling to the side. His wide shoulders were bare and the dark smattering of brown chest hair made YN’s mouth water. However, the hottest thing about this whole situation was the fact that Charlie was curled up on his chest, mouth open the same way and eyelashes mimicking his fathers. His ear was pressed flat against the left side of Steve’s chest, and had probably been lulled to sleep by the steady beat of Steve’s heart. 

“Fuck.” YN cursed, dashing over to the best of her ability to grab her phone, taking several pictures for reasons. She threw her phone back on the bed and pulled on some underwear and a pad as well as one of Steve’s hoodies— the first time she’d actually managed to fit into one in months. It wasn’t long before she walked over to her boys, sitting next to Steve and using the long hair he’d grown from his eyes. 

He hummed, furrowing his brows and closing him mouth, licking his lips and rolling his head to face YN. He opened his eyes slowly, and blinked in the light from the bedside table. 

“Hey, beautiful.” She murmured and his cheeks darkened slightly. 

“You stealin’ my lines now, Sugar?” He whispered, hands wrapping around Charlies body and hugging him tighter to his chest. 

“They’re good lines.” She replied, wiggling her fingers around Charlie and scooping him to her chest. She stood slowly and bounced her way over to the cradle only two feet from Steve’s side of the bed. She lay him in gently and jumped slightly when Steve hands circled around her waist, hugging her to him as he rested his chin on her shoulder. The two stared down at this creation and swayed. 

“What the hell do we do now?” He snorted and YN giggled, making him kiss her neck and cheek in pure happiness. 

“I have no fucking idea.” She shook her head and reached up behind her, curling her hand into his hair and scratching his scalp almost making him purr in delight. 

“How about we figure it out together, huh?” He replied and YN turned in his arms, wrapping her own around his neck and standing on her tip toes to kiss his chin. He squeezed her upper ribs, careful of her incisions before guiding her to the bed and sitting her on it, cupping her face in his hands before bending over and capturing her lips in his in a heated kiss. 

“We got time, don’t we.” YN mumbled against his mouth as she backed up on the bed, making room for him to crawl on her and cage her between his arms. 

“We have so much time, baby. So much damn time to figure out anything we wanted.” 

“You’re not tired of me yet?”

“Not yet.”

“Shithead.”

“Your favourite shithead.”

“Maybe so.”

_____________-

Tag List (send me an ask, ONLY. must interact with the fic more than a like): yesfanficsaremylife / notyourtypicalrose /  laurxn-robinson / disaster-rose / lille-kattunge / wwecrazed2010 / vxidnik / chewingoffmyfoot/ vitamingrant / captainamericasbeard / chrisgalore / songforhema / mmyepic / multifandommandy / tommyhoe / lostdarksoul6 / crist1216 / taeeemin / jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory / feelmyroarrrr / teller258316 / mrsdeanwinchester19 / qrangr / mariswritingforfun / nerdypinupcrystal / kittycatlover18 / laucontrerasv / printedpeterparker / @dumblani  / @captainomad / eversonaive / rainbowkisses31 / i-think-i-am-adorable / rainbowkisses31 / smalltintedgorl/ geeksareunique / jennmurawski13 / clutteredmind-emptythoughts / venezuelaanklemayonnaise / manuosorioh / stupendousshepherdloverpony

[staywritten]

A Love That Lasts│Bedtime

A Love That Lasts │Bedtime

Synopsis: You come home to find your husband putting your daughter to bed.

Genre: Parent!Au, Dad!Bang Chan, Fluff, Nonidol!Au, Oneshot, domestic fluff

Word Count: 1268

If you would like to read the entire (completed) Single parent! Bang Chan series A Love That Lasts Masterlist it’s here and on AO3

Masterlist. AO3

You yawned walking into your house in the middle of the night. You just finished up another 24hr shift at the hospital. You hated staying there overnight, but sometimes it couldn’t be helped. Your patient was recovering well after the surgery and that was all that mattered. You stretched your arms above your head, feeling your stiff back crack. You were so eager to sleep, you took a shower at work, and changed into your pajamas there. So all you had to do when you got home was make it to your bed. 

Toeing your shoes off in the foyer you made your way into the living room. Setting your overnight bag down on the coffee table you gently shook Felix awake. “Hey, thanks for watching Minseo.”

He yawned sleepily, sitting up on the couch. “Mm Hey” he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “Channie-Hyung got home a little while ago too”

“He got back from his trip early?” You gave Felix a pat on his back. “Go sleep in the guest room, it’s late”

“You don’t gotta ask me twice” he stood up, rubbing the crook in his neck from falling asleep on the couch. “G’night” he waved before disappearing into your downstairs guest room. 

Absently you cleaned up the snacks and toys, evident of Felix and Minseo’s long night of playing. Once the living room was reorganized you padded upstairs, stopping by Minseo’s room first. 

A soft smile graced your face seeing your husband, cuddled in Minseo’s bed, his arm wrapped around her tiny frame as he read her another story sleepily. You could tell he was exhausted, but even in that state, he read the stories so animatedly. Using his different voices and grand gestures. Leaning against the door frame, you couldn’t help but watch them fondly. As he finished the book he looked down at his daughter, the little pout still on her lips, despite loving the story. 

“You want another story?” he asked, ruffling her hair. “You’re pouting, how are you feeling?”

“I’m sad” Her pout deepened looking up at him. “When’s mom coming home?”

He smiled, kissing the top of her curly hair. “I’m sorry Baby, you know she has to work. Any time she’s not here she’s saving lives. It’s very important.”

Minseo crossed her arms over her chest. “I know… But I still miss her”

“You sleep better when she’s here don’t you?”

She nodded “I don’t like when you guys aren’t home...Uncle Felix is fun too, but...I like knowing you’re here…” she huffed. “What if I have a nightmare and you’re not home?”

“Aww… Baby” Chan pulled her into his chest, hugging her tight. “I’m sorry...I’ll try to make sure at least one of us is home next time.” Working late nights was pretty normal for him, but occasionally he had to go on weekend trips, and it just so happened that this one overlapped with one of your overnight shifts. “I can’t promise that it’ll never happen again, but we’re gonna try”

“Ok… pinky promise?” she held out her pink, letting him wrap his around it and pressing their thumbs together. “I understand...I just miss Mom..”

“I miss her too…” he whispered softly. 

Watching them always warmed your heart. You loved everything about your daughter, but when you especially loved was how she was able to communicate when she was unhappy. And You know it’s because Chan always valued communication. “I’m home” you finally chimed, from the doorway. You almost broke out into a laugh at how Chan and Minseo looked at you. Their heads in perfect sync as they looked at the door. 

“You’re home!” Minseo gave you the brightest smile, her cheek dimpling. 

“I am” you grinned pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Can anyone tell me why my whole family is awake in the middle of the night?”

“I couldn’t sleep until you got home” Minseo patted the tiny bit of space in her bed. “Sit”

You laughed squeezing into a twin bed with her, it was a tight and cozy fit but the three of you managed. Was her princess styled bedframe digging into your side? Quite possibly but it worked. Minseo practically on your lap as you cuddled at her and let Chan pick another storybook. He leaned over giving you a little peck on the lips, his gaze lingering a little too long; Making you feel shy. “Welcome home” he whispered before pulling away to display the book. 

As he read the fourth storybook of the night he had to hold back his laugh when he finally looked back at the two of you seeing you both sound asleep. He quietly got out of bed and adjusted the two of you into the middle of the bed, trying not to disturb you. 

He smiled seeing Minseo hug her stuffed Kangaroo toy his parent’s bought for her. Her face buried into the plushie, while you had your arms securely around Minseo. He snapped a photo, knowing this was going to be his new background image on everything. 

Chan took a quick shower before throwing on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. He was working on some lyrics for a client when he looked up and saw you make your way into your shared bedroom. 

You padded into the bedroom. “I woke up and you weren’t there” 

He laughed, opening the blanket, letting you crawl into bed with him. “Ah, is that where Minseo gets it from?” 

“Maybe” you mumbled sleepily. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you placed your chin on his chest. “I missed you”

“I missed you too” he pulled you in for a much deeper kiss this time. His tongue, flicking against the top of your mouth, enticing a little whimper.

Pulling away, you gazed at him with the dreamiest look on your face. “How come you didn’t tell me you got back from your trip early?”

“It just sorta happened. As soon as I could I just made it straight home and then I got wrapped up with Minseo. I was gonna text as soon as I put her to bed.” he chuckled “As you saw, It took longer than I planned”

“You’re so good to her, seriously you’re incredible” your fingers absently played with the collar of his shirt. 

“I try, I’m still learning” he grabbed your hand, placing a kiss on it. Being that this was the first time that he’s really touched you for two days. “I’d like to think I’m good to both my girls” he grabbed your chin, making you look up at him. “Aren’t I?”

“Well I’m wide awake right now, how are you gonna put me to bed?” you giggled. “You want me to grab you a storybook?” 

“I have a few other ideas” he laughed, rolling you onto your back and pinning you to the bed with his hips. The tiniest of growls, echoed from his throat as he nipped at your lower lip. That playful glint in his eyes turning into something much more mischievous. “You’re gonna have to be very quiet for me Baby…” he whispered huskily, his strong hand caressing your cheek before spanning gently over your neck. He winked before disappearing under the blanket. 

End. 

Thank you all for being so patient with me, I’ve had like the opposite of writer’s block lately and I’ve had a ton of ideas. But because of that, I’ve been writing a bunch of stories and not finishing any of them lol so I’m super happy I was able to pump out this fluffy, domestic chapter..

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

Edit: I forgot my tag list when I posted lol

∘Tags List:

@cobbiebaexqueen @minnieskz  @em0cleo  @chwrryeols​ @binki-g @mythicalamphitrite @skzsprinkles @tophuphu @hugs4chan @channieboyo @tonfilm @soobinssmile

[anxiouslymalicious]

Losers Club Plus One Part 9

A Richie Tozier x daughter!reader series.

Read the previous part here or go here for the full masterlist!

A/N: Hi! As always, I want to apologise for being shit at updating but a lot is happening at the moment and I’m hella stressed out and hella depressed and hella anxious but that’s okay. 

This is about 3.5k words and the usual warnings apply. I hope you enjoy!

Y/N didn’t question what Richie was doing. She didn’t feel she had the power to. So, instead, she tried to muster up the most confused expression she felt capable of. Richie, almost maniacally, pulled her back outside to the car and made her sit down in the front seat. He finally noticed her looking on, in a stupor, not moving. Her face looked almost blank, only a hint of wonder lightening it up.

“I- I can’t. I can’t just leave them here. We can’t leave them here. We are Losers and Losers stick together.” Richie told his daughter, gently cupping her cheek. He was hoping for some kind of reaction but, upon receiving none, let a watery breath escape his lips. He felt tears stinging in his eyes yet again, before adding another whispered explanation.

“Stan wouldn’t want this. He wouldn’t want me or you leaving our friends behind. He wouldn’t want me leaving Eddie behind.”

With that, she nodded a little, facial expression still unphased. Richie shot Ben a quick text, letting him know that he and the little Tozier would meet them at the library, that they had gone out for a quick smoke or whatever. Given that he and Bev started smoking like a chimney at a younger age than her, he thought the excuse sounded pretty believable.

Impatiently, he drove through the town. Richie’s fingers were restless against the cold leather of the steering wheel. He tried to distract himself, tried desperately to recognise the buildings around him, the streets and faces, something he could hold on to. Richie felt like his life was slipping through his own hands like sand, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t hold it together.

Richie’s eyebrows were furrowed, face growing a grim expression and his jaw started clenching, all going unnoticed by himself.

What didn’t go unnoticed by Richie, though, was his presumed daughter’s hand on his wrist. He spared her a little glance which was all it took for Richie to step off the gas a little and lean back in his seat. He was still nervous, but the reassurance and worry in the big, familiar eyes of his daughter calmed him a little. Richie knew she didn’t hate him. He could read it in her eyes.

And he was right. Despite everything, she couldn’t hate Richie. He made a mistake, yes, but there were more important matters at hand right now. Besides, Richie didn’t love her any less, right? She could still pretend everything was alright. They could go back home once all of this was over and pretend it never happened. But, of course, it had happened and couldn’t be undone. The thought of Richie not truly being her father weighed heavily on her chest and would continue to do so until she knew for certain. And she feared whatever a stupid little test might say. Because, no matter what, their relationship wouldn’t be the same. Y/N felt like something had been taken from her, as stupid as it sounded. Because Richie was right beside her, it was just like she couldn’t look at him like she did before. 

The town was slowly growing colder to the girl. Not weather-wise, no. She felt that Derry didn’t care about them. She felt that no one in that town would notice if they needed help. She felt that the town wouldn’t care if each of the Losers died, stiff bodies recovered later that day, not even a lousy newspaper article would be written about the bodies. And it terrified her.

“Dad?” Y/N whispered, voice breaking as she swallowed the lump in her throat. She felt the tiny hairs on her arms stand up straight, embracing herself. Richie, a little surprised to hear her call him that, tried to look at her as he was navigating the car through the streets. Quick glances were casted her way until he finally had the chance to properly look at her as they reached a red traffic light.

“Yeah, kiddo?” Richie now asked. His lips were parted as he didn’t know what to expect, brows furrowed in confusion, but also a little curiosity.

“We’ll be alright… Right?” Y/N asked, raw fear very prominent in her voice. She looked at Richie with the eyes of the child she used to be. Many situations popped into Richie’s head. Moments when she had been terrified, almost petrified by the pure horror crawling under her skin, as she had asked the same question. He had always had an answer. And he had always been right. Because that was easy. Like when he saw the little girl with her pigtails (braided by Richie himself) in the doorway of her classroom on her very first day of school. She had been incredibly intimidated by the other students, but he told her that she would be alright if only she went in there with an open mind and a friendly face. She did. Richie was right.

Or the time she was scared of giving a presentation in middle school that her teachers would base a lot of her grade on. She was crying at her desk, little cards with notes carefully written out were strewn mindlessly around the table as her panicked eyes were directed to her laptop, presentation opened. She was scared of failing her class. Richie told her that there was nothing to be scared of. Failing a class wasn’t the end of the world, he had failed more classes than he could count himself. He told her that she was incredibly bright, told her to keep him in her mind and she would ace that presentation. She did. Richie was right.

Or the time Richie had to undergo surgery after miraculously breaking his nose. He had never told his daughter how exactly it happened, but she had called a taxi to drive them to the hospital where Richie was quick to be put under medication and have a surgery scheduled. She was standing by his side in tears, broken heart beating painfully in her chest as she watched her father grow loopy. Richie had enough of a straight mind to lay his wired-up hand on her cheek and give her the most reassuring smile he could. She was scared that Richie wouldn’t come back to her, that he would fall asleep and never wake up again. Richie’s smile faltered a little as his mind reminded him that there could be serious consequences to a surgery, but he was quick to shake that thought off. He told her that it was just a quick fix of his beauty. Told her that she should follow the nurses, they would be taking care of her, and after a bit of time he would be as good as new. He told her that all she needed was a little faith and patience, and trust. He told her that he wouldn’t ever leave her to fight for herself like that. He wouldn’t leave her alone. She did. And Richie was right.

But now was different. This was bigger than a surgery, a broken heart, a presentation or a first day of school. This was much bigger. And now, Richie was the one to be terrified, skin prickling with fear, cold sweat on the back of his neck, with no answer on his mind.

“Yes,” he rung out, “If you believe that we will be.”

With that, the car grew silent again, the only exception being the Beatles, singing for Help. A bitter smile grew on Richie’s lips as he remembered the flyer for ‘Richie Tozier’s All Dead Rock Show’.

“There must be some kind of way out of here…” mumbled the man to himself, shuddering as he thought about his encounter with the clown.

Despite his talk with his daughter, despite her telling him that it was okay for him to feel love for men, Richie still wasn’t sure. It was still one of the easiest ways to hurt Richie. But he couldn’t deny that it hadn’t been as bad as it could have been. The thought that Y/N would support him, regardless of who he loved, comforted him immensely. It was easier for him to make the clown piss off.

“Said the joker to the thief.” Y/N continued, turning the bitter smile into a genuine. A huffed breath escaped Richie, a cruel, self-deprecating joke on his lips, as he was about to reply, but swallowed it down instead as the old library building came into view. He felt the tips of his fingers go numb as he thought of the story Ben had told them of his first encounter with IT.

Slowly, painfully so, did the car roll closer to the building before coming to a gentle halt as Richie gracefully parked the expensive car. Y/N didn’t waste a minute and got out of the car the second the car stood securely, marching up the stairs to the heavy front door of the old building. She thought that Richie would take ages to muster up his courage again, which was why she sought the peaceful distance, but to her utter surprise, Richie was fast on his feet, almost eager to go to Mike, the man who hadn’t got a clue of any of the shit that was going on. Blissfully unaware somewhere in that building, hiding away between the thick books. He was probably happily reading through his notes on the history of Derry, the unawareness a constant companion. Or so Richie thought. Because, in truth, Mike was fighting for his life with a man he didn’t think he’d ever encounter again. Especially not in such a cruel way.

Richie, surprisingly, didn’t enter the library with a bang. Something held him back. It was like something was trying to quieten him, to make his and his daughter’s presence unknown to whoever or whatever else was in the building with them.

Y/N felt cold as she watched the eerily quiet library.

“Is Mike late or-“ she started, but didn’t get to finish her sentence for Richie shushed her, not letting her utter another sound. At first, just for a few seconds, she didn’t understand, an uncomfortable coil tied up in her chest. That was, until she saw the pure focus on Richie’s face. Furrowed eyebrows, tongue poking out just a little between his lips as he strained his old ears, hoping to pick up the faint sounds yet again.

And suddenly, she did too. The grunts were quiet, almost not audible if they had as much as walked through the library, searching the bookshelves. It seemed that even the lightest breeze could have drowned the sounds out, but once they heard them, they were there. And neither of the pair had any kind of doubt. Someone was struggling. Badly.

“Stay here.” Richie grumbled out before falling into a sprint. As quickly as he could, he moved up the stairs, hoping for the grunts to grow louder, to grow more present, but most importantly, he was hoping that they wouldn’t stop.

A glint of light caught Richie’s eye. A glass case was attached to one of the dark walls. An axe to be used in case of emergency, as the sign told him. Presumably, in case of a fire. The man jerked his clothed elbow against the glass, shattering it easily.

“This is an emergency after all.” Richie said to himself before turning around and running further upstairs. His lungs were burning with the effort. Something he wasn’t used to anymore. It was at that moment that he cursed his younger self for picking up that very first cigarette, the thing of all evil, basically. He shook his head. No time for thoughts of that sort.

It wasn’t until he reached the top of the stairs that the grunts and screams finally seemed close. And they were. Behind the door, Richie was met with the back of someone kneeling above his friend. Things weren’t looking good for Mikey. Richie didn’t even feel as though he was the one acting in that moment. He liked to think that it was some weird out-of-body experience, controlled by the pure adrenaline pumping through his veins, fueling his body.

Y/N had been hot on his trail, running just after him. She didn’t feel safe on her own, not even with the assurance of the mirror shard still in her pocket as a weapon. She arrived just in time to watch as her father raised the axe and rammed it into the man’s head, not a trace of hesitation in his actions. It was almost frightening to watch the lifeless body slump to the ground. Y/N almost felt like she could watch the life seep out of the man’s body with every drop of blood that left his body. Richie tried to make a joke, but was interrupted by his own body as he doubled over, emptying his stomach as a shrill scream escaped his daughter’s lips.

Y/N stumbled back, falling against the wall behind her, only to slide down to the ground. She too felt sick to the pit of her stomach, but she tried to suppress the bile from coming up. Instead, she scooted closer to the wall, instinctively curled up against the cooling surface as she watched the crimson stain the ground, the puddle growing bigger by the second.

Hands clasped together before her mouth in disbelief, she tried her best to breathe evenly, but any rational thought had left her brain. Y/N felt cold, her body shook heavily with fear clawing at her. It wasn’t until she heard a different scream, a feminine voice, that she noticed how her father was desperately trying to catch her attention, blocking her view of the body with his own body.

The other Losers filled the room, one more shocked than the other. Eddie’s face was almost as white as  the gauze on his cheek when he entered the room, anxious eyes immediately analysing the situation. Until his eyes finally found the Toziers sitting on the ground, Richie desperately trying to get any kind of reaction out of Y/N, any reaction other than fear. Eddie shot Mike, who was still on the ground, a sympathetic smile before dropping to his knees by the duo.

“Hey, hey, Y/N, it’s uncle Eds. It’s alright, you’re alright.” Eddie muttered as the rest of the bunch took care of Bowers’ body and Mike, who felt as shaky as a leaf in late autumn months.

Slowly, her eyes travelled to the smaller man, the fear never leaving them, but they were moving. She was with them.

“Uncle Eds?” Richie whispered to himself as he leaned against the wall next to Y/N, letting Eddie take over for a moment. His hand stayed on her knee though, eyes intently watching their every move.

Ragged breaths escaped her pale lips.

“You’re alright. We’re all alright.” Eddie continued his soothing mantra.

“Dad- the man- he killed him-“ her gaze jumped between the two men in front of her, her instincts tried to get another look at the dead body, but Eddie wouldn’t let her, hoping that his body would fully block the view as Richie kept her body planted in place, gently but firmly, with his arm around her shoulders.

“It was self-defence. He needed to do that.”

“But- but-“ her lips quivered terribly as she looked up at Eddie, eyes huge. Her mind had a hard time understanding just what was happening, but it was slowly catching up with the situation. “I’m scared.” She finally whimpered out and with that, the dam broke and fat tears rolled down her reddened cheeks.

Eddie and Richie both embraced the girl as she broke down. The other Losers watched with sorrow, watched as the little girl broke down. Mike, who felt like he was the one at fault to put her through all of this, felt a stabbing pain in his chest as a few tears of his own managed to push past the barrier. The other Losers didn’t feel any less to blame, though. Each of them were thinking about what they could have done to protect her rather than stand by and watch as the town, but mostly IT, mercilessly tore her down, broke her spirit until nothing would be left, not even a will to survive.

Silently, Bev looked over her shoulder at Ben and Mike, both sat on the ground, who only needed the one pained expression on her face. They understood. No words needed to be spoken.

“It’s okay to be scared. But you can’t let the fear take over you. Not now. You’re stronger than that.” Eddie explained to the girl, feeling her tears against his clothes. His chin was resting on top of her head. Suddenly, a stinging sensation in his cheek made him cringe, but it was quickly replaced by his heart feeling as though someone was squeezing it tightly. Richie had nuzzled his own head against both of their heads. And with that, Eddie suddenly realised just how close he was to Richie. Arms embracing not only Y/N, but also each other, clinging to each other, Richie’s head lovingly nudging Eddie’s cheek, the closeness of their hands-

“I think I’m going to throw up.” Said Y/N, pushing out of the warming embrace, accidentally breaking the two lovers apart, as she stumbled just out the door to empty her stomach.

“Are you alright?” Ben finally asked, looking towards Mike. Richie, who was helping his friend get back to his feet, trying to put some distance between himself and Eddie. It felt so nice, embracing his daughter with the man he loved, but at the same time, it was intimidating. He still had no reassurance, nor did he have the courage to confess to Eddie how he felt.

“No, I’m not! I just fucking killed someone!” Richie replied, confused at the stupid question. Ben and Mike looked at each other carefully for a moment.

“I was talking to Mike.” He continued, earning an almost insulted glare from Richie. Y/N was coming back into the room, eyes travelling from Richie to Eddie, sadly realising the distance them. It was strange to her, watching them bicker and move closer with every ‘your mom’ joke they made, hold onto each other in moments of fear and doubt and yet move away from each other as far as possible once they realised what they had been doing all along. 

“What the fuck happened to your face?” Y/N asked suddenly, voice loud and clear despite her shaking body. All eyes were on Y/N for a second before everyone’s eyes travelled to the person she was looking at. Eddie. 

“Oh… uh… Bowers stabbed me.” Eddie replied, feeling not only Y/N’s eyes on him. Richie was eyeing him carefully, worry flooding him. He wasn’t there, he could have helped. But he was too busy being a coward to protect one of his closest friends, the man he admittedly liked in a romantic way.

Richie watched as Y/N stepped closer to Eddie, eyes not leaving the huge white patch on his face that had gone unnoticed as the adrenaline took hold over their bodies yet again that day. Richie bit his lip, trying to bite away the familiar stinging of tears behind his eyes. He didn’t want to cry, not there, not then. 

Y/N hugged Eddie tightly. He was a little thrown off-guard, hesitating just a little before embracing her too.

 “I feel like we can’t be trusted on our own. We’ll just end up hurt.” She said seriously, causing the group to chuckle a little.

Something was strange about the sound. Mike examined the group for a moment. Then, he felt his heartbeat quicken as he looked around the room and saw all the Losers, minus one.

“Where is Bill?”

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Taglist (let me know if you want to be tagged in the next part!)

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[ofnoras]

               『 candice patton. twenty-nine. cis woman. she/her. 』 oh heavens, is that NORA BARLOW from FAIR LANE i see roaming around mapleview ? minnie may’s always calling them -CIRCUMSPECT & -OBSTINATE. i happen to think they’re not that bad ! they’re a pretty cool PET STORE OWNER and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +PROTECTIVE & +AMIABLE. i hope i see them around again ! 

hello friends ! my name is elle and i’m super excited to be here !! i’ve been eyeing this rp for a while with bones of an idea and once i saw thia’s connection after my zoom class today, i began to piece the puzzle together ! there’s still more i wish to explore about nora’s backstory and personality, but for right now, this is what i’ve got !

BASICS.

full name: nora june barlow.

birth date: april 10th.

zodiac: taurus.

age: twenty nine.

gender: cis woman.

pronouns: she/her.

sexual/romantic orientation: heterosexual.

current residence: fair lane, mapleview, north carolina.

living conditions: with boyfriend, adrien ryerson.

occupation: owner of pet store, happy tails.

languages spoken: english.

BACKGROUND.

birth place: york, pennsylvania.

education level: college graduate with a bachelors in business administration.

father: franklin barlow.

mother: marian barlow, deceased.

siblings: older brother and younger sister.

birth order: middle child.

children: one on the way !

relationship status: engaged to adrien ryerson.

pets: three year old tortoiseshell cat named lady.

PHYSICAL.

faceclaim: candice patton.

eye color: brown.

hair color: brunette.

glasses/contacts?: wears reading glasses.

dominant hand: left.

height: 5′6″

build: slim.

tattoos: none.

piercings: both ears pierced ( previous belly button ring that closed up ).

allergies: peanuts.

EXTRA.

+ traits: protective, amiable, optimistic ( tries to be, at least ).

- traits: circumspect, obstinate, impatient.

hobbies: knitting, reading, driving aimlessly around town with the radio blasting.

likes: cold weather, animals, pastel colors, making friends.

dislikes: being alone, talking too much about herself, a messy room.

alignment: neutral good.

BIOGRAPHY.

was born on april 10th, 1991 to franklin and marian barlow, their second child and first daughter. grew up in york, pennsylvania until she was eleven and her parents decided to move to mapleview due to being closer to other relatives. though she now lives on fair lane, she used to live on sycamore way up until she moved out. her father was a dentist and her mother a teacher, two paths she never wanted to follow, despite their encouragement. as a family, they were never incredibly close -- her father had quite the temper and three years after moving to mapleview, her mother had an affair. it was the talk of the town and nora, nor her siblings, could escape the gossip. her parents soon divorced and life was never the same after that.

more than anything, nora and her siblings fought. the divorce split them onto sides and their clashing personalities never had peace between them for too long. her brother was too much like her father and her sister never had a nice thing to say. still, when it came to others, nora protected them fiercely and when push came to shove, she always had their back, even if the feeling wasn’t mutual.

as a child, in an environment that made it seem like there was a side to choose, nora chose her father. it was good that she had, as she and her siblings spent their weekdays with him in his two bedroom apartment. the constant bickering and fighting grew worse as they got older, many arguments turning physical or ending up with something broken. nora always tried to be the mediator, but nothing could ever calm anyone down once they’d been riled up. instead, she filled her high school years with clubs and as many friends as she could, keeping herself out of the apartment, always busy.

nora was sixteen when her mother passed away. tragic car accident. the two hadn’t spoken in nearly a year and at first, nora was numb. she was grateful for it, especially when the guilt came next and it never left. her siblings hated how emotionless she was with their mother’s passing, at the funeral, in the days after. it wasn’t that she hadn’t cared, but that everything hit her a week later, once she was alone in her bedroom. there are many reasons nora hates being alone with her thoughts, but her mother’s death was the start of that. it’s also one of the contributors to why she prefers to keep busy.

she distanced herself from her siblings and her father, never quite being as open with them as she once was. nora took a part time job at her dad’s office, working there for a few years until she graduated. with the inheritance from her mother and scholarships, nora was able to leave mapleview for college. she wanted a fresh start and in her mind, she never planned to return to mapleview. nora went to college out west and majored in business administration with the hopes of starting her own business in... whatever made her happy. meanwhile her father’s business closed and he was forced to retire.

after graduating, she planned to follow where business opportunities would take her. all that crumbled when she got a phone call that her father was in the hospital. he’d had a heart attack and nora was terrified that if she lost her dad, the overwhelming guilt she’d felt with her mother would come back. out of her own selfish reasons, she returned to mapleview. her father recovered with surgery, but was never quite the same. his health was declining and doctors were able to determine he had early onset alzheimer's. nora made it her responsibility to come home and take care of her dad, getting a job at the local pet shop while she did. the money she’d been saving up went to a day nurse for her father. he was family, after all.

years passed. when she was twenty four, she met adrien. his charming personality was evident from their first conversation and while it didn’t take much for nora to be smitten with him, she definitely made him work for it. soon after, they started dating, and they’ve been together ever since. with adrien’s job and the both of them being focused on their careers, a future was something far off in the distance. marriage, kids... they’d briefly spoken about it, but left the conversation for down the road. it was never a question that she wanted to be with adrien, but the idea of a family scared her. she wasn’t sure if she’d be a good mom and the unknown was something she didn’t know she could come to terms with. that was, until she got really sick one morning and decided to take a pregnancy test. the positive terrified her at first, knowing they had wanted to wait and that there was no way they were ready... but seeing adrien’s response and thinking about the future definitely got her excited. now her pinterest is full of “nursery ideas” and “first time mom tips”.

it was a year after she met adrien that she became the owner of her own pet store. the place was local, owned by an elderly woman that treated nora like the loving mother she’d always wanted. they both bonded over the years and when she decided she’d be retiring to florida with her husband, she wanted nora to have the business. even as assistant manager, nora couldn’t possibly accept... but then the deed was being put in her name and she jumped at the opportunity. a local place that sells pet supplies and occasionally takes in surrendered pets to care for/find loving homes for.

and that all brings us up to present time ! nora has been pregnant nearly a month at this point, owns and works in her own pet store ( which will have a name soon enough ), and just really loves being back in mapleview. she missed it, she really did. she’s excited for this new path and what the future will bring her for the first time in... well, for the first time ever, really. 

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS.

old family friends/neighbors from when she lived on sycamore way.

cousins/relatives that her family originally moved to town for.

perhaps bad tension with the family of the man her mother had an affair with?

exes/childhood friends that drifted apart/competition rivals in school.

someone who has been best friends with nora since she first moved to mapleview.

moms who nora has been bothering about future mom stuff/pregnancy stuff.

frequent customers of her store/people who had adopted animals that keep nora updated ( please, she always Begs for this when people adopt out ).

i’m honestly down for anything !!

if u read all of that ... phew ... idk why u did but THANK U ! i know it’s long ... i’m sorry ... but if you like this, i’ll message you to plot ! i do have discord so if you’d prefer that, let me know, i just don’t have it up right now so i’ll need to know if you wanna switch to that !

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Home Again Ch. 1 (Liam x MC)

Summary: AU TRR fic. Four years ago, Kendall fled Cordonia and the love of her life. But when she’s forced to come back, she’s also forced to confront long buried feelings and painful revelations.

A/N: I’ve been toying with this plot for over a year now, and I finally got around to actually working on it. Yay me! As always, let me know if you want to be tagged or untagged, or if I missed you.

Tags: @drakewalker04 @canknot @lapisreviewsstuff @akacalliope @senseofduties @badchoicesposts @sirbeepsalot @texaskitten30 @ao719 @eadanga @hopefulmoonobject @janezillow @ramseyandrys @aestheticartwriting

~v~

The water. If there was one thing Kendall missed about Cordonia, it was the gorgeous water of the Mediterranean, always warm, always blue. And the sun. There’s just something different about the warmth in her native country.

Stepping off of the private jet, she breathes in the slightly salty air. After almost 5 years of being away, Kendall isn’t sure if she’s happy to be home or not. While she did love Cordonia, she hates that she’s coming back under such awful conditions. 

When her mother called yesterday and told her that her father had a heart attack, it was a no brainer for Kendall to drop everything and come back home. Her dad is her own personal Superman, she’s never known him to even have a cold, so hearing that he had a heart attack threw her for a loop.

“Kendall!”

The sound of her name being called makes Kendall whip her head around. She sees Gladys, the daughter to her estate’s majordomo poking her head out of the window of a sleek black Escalade

One of the flight attendants grabs Kendall’s luggage as she rushes towards the car. Flinging the passenger side door open, she leans in and wraps Gladys in a warm hug.

Gladys is taken aback by the huge display of affection, but she hugs Kendall back. “It’s nice to see you too, my lady.”

“What have I told you, it’s just Kendall. You don’t have to be formal with me, Gladys.”

“Very well.” Gladys turns her head and sees the flight attendant putting the last of Kendall’s luggage in the trunk. “Get in, get in.” 

“I do not have to be told twice.”

The ride from the airport to the hospital in the capital was mostly silent. Kendall knows the older woman probably has questions for her. They haven’t seen each other in years, and Kendall swore she’d never step foot in this country ever again. But now she’s back. But it’s not like she’s back, back. She’s only here to see her dad through his recovery. Nothing more, nothing less.

“So how was school?” Gladys asks, breaking Kendall out of her thoughts. “Columbia right?”

The mention of her Ivy League alma mater brings a smile to Kendall’s face. “I loved it. New York is amazing, the school is amazing.”

“What are you doing now? My dad mentioned it was something to do with money, but he’s awful at explaining things.”

“Financial analyst.”

“Do you work on that fancy street? The one with all the walls of money?”

“Wall Street,” Kendall corrects with a chuckle. “And yes. But it’s not literally made with walls of money, Gladys. Just lots and lots of tall buildings.”

“Do you have a big office?”

“I have a cubicle. It’s not fancy, but it gets the job done.”

They spend the rest of the car ride in silence. Kendall can’t bring herself to care about the usual court gossip right now, her mind focused solely on her dad.

They make it to the hospital fairly quickly and Kendall barely remembers talking to someone at the nurse’s station before rushing off again to find her father’s hospital room.

She isn’t sure what she was expecting to see, but she definitely didn’t anticipate so many wires and machines. Her father is always so...strong and commanding, but in this moment, Stephen Mason looks incredibly frail. And her poor mother, Victoria, looks equally exhausted, hunched over his bed, their hands clasped together.

Stephen notices her first, and a smile slowly creeps onto his face. “Victoria, did you really call our daughter and tell her to come home?”

“Thank God she did,” Kendall says fully entering the hospital room.

“I’m fine. You could’ve stayed in New York.”

“You had a heart attack, dad.”

Stephen dismisses the statement with a flick of his wrist. “It was minor.”

Kendall ignores him and wraps her arms tightly around him. Tears prick the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over. She tries to relax, breathing in her dad’s scent. He’s alive, he’s here. She can breathe.

Stephen rubs a comforting hand up and down Kendall’s arm. “Don’t cry. I’m fine, sweetheart.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. My doctor said I was very blessed. I didn’t even need surgery.”

Kendall takes a shuddering breath and wipes her eyes. “So what caused this? When are you getting out of here? What’s your treatment plan? Do you have to do physical therapy?”

Stephen chuckles and turns to his wife. “She burns through a lot of topics, really fast. She gets that from you.”

“Oh, hush. For now, he’s going to have to take aspirin daily,” Victoria explains. “And we’re meeting with a nutritionist and physical therapist in order to get a diet and exercise plan.”

“Good.” Kendall visibly relaxes at her mother’s words.

“They hope to discharge me the day after tomorrow,” Stephen adds. “All of my tests and bloodwork have come back good so far.”

“Okay.”

“Why don’t you go home sweetheart?” Stephen suggests. “It’s your first time back home in a really long time, I’m sure there are more interesting things you can be doing other than staring at me.”

“I’m fine.” Kendall can’t leave, not yet. She hasn’t even met his doctor. Despite his words, she won’t feel at ease until she knows without a doubt that he’s going to be okay. His words are comforting, but they aren’t enough.

“I had to send your brother away,” Stephen says. “He was hovering as well, but he actually listened to me and went back to the estate.”

Kendall’s younger brother Zachary was always the more obedient child.

“That’s nice for Zach, but I’m staying with you for now.” Kendall sits down in an uncomfortable chair adjacent to her dad’s bed. “So stop trying to get rid of me.”

“Very well. But no hospital talk. Tell me how work has been.”

The three of them get wrapped up in a pleasant conversation about Kendall’s job, with her sharing funny office anecdotes and complaining about her least favorite coworkers.

She also gets to meet her dad’s cardiologist, Dr. Locke. He’s a nice, older guy and he doesn’t bat an eyelash when she grills him on his credentials and qualifications. Kendall isn’t the first overly concerned family member he’s encountered during his career and she won’t be the last.

“Ms. Mason, your father is doing incredibly well, and I expect him to make a full recovery.”

“About how long is the recovery process?”

“It depends on the patient, but your father is due for a follow-up in a few weeks. We’ll assess his progress then.”

“How long until I can go back to work?” Stephen asks.

“Oh you won’t be touching work for at least 2 months,” Dr. Locke replies seriously. “Work is inherently stressful, Mr. Mason, and stress isn’t good for you.”

“I’ll make sure he relaxes,” Victoria says, affectionately squeezing her husband’s hand. “I promise.”

“Good.” The Doctor checks the time on his watch. “A nurse should be coming in a few minutes to check your vitals, but it’s time for you to get some much needed rest.”

“Only if you kick this one out,” Stephen says, pointing to Kendall. “I won’t be able to relax with her here.”

“Dad! You can’t just kick me out.”

“Go home,” Stephen orders. “Get some rest, call one of your friends, I don’t care, but you cannot stay here and stare at me until I fall asleep.”

Dr. Locke’s eyes shift back and forth between the father and daughter. “Miss, if your father wants you to leave, then you have to leave.”

Kendall glares at her father, shocked that he has the audacity to remove her from his hospital room. “Fine. But I’m coming back tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you then, sweetheart.”

She huffs and collects her belongings. After kissing her parents goodbye, she steps out into the bustling hallway, trying to stay out of the way of the nurses, doctors, and patients. Once she’s out of the way, Kendall grabs her phone and scrolls through the contacts before finding the number she was looking for.

“Kendall, what a pleasant surprise.”

“I’m in town,” Kendall says, cutting straight to the chase. “And I need a drink.”

“Beer garden?”

“I’ll meet you there in an hour.”

~v~

King Liam strides down the hall to his study, a folder full of notes and documents in hand as Bastien trails closely behind. He has a meeting to attend to discuss the budget for Cordonia’s upcoming fiscal year.

Instead of seeing the Chancellor of Finance upon entering his study, he sees his father.

The visit catches him off guard. “Father! What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Can it wait? I’m supposed to be meeting with Stephen in a few minutes.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” Constantine says. He walks over to Liam’s drink cart and surveys the decanters of various alcohols. He settles on a vintage scotch and pours himself a glass. “You won’t be meeting with Stephen today.”

“It’s unlike him to cancel a meeting, especially one as important as this. Is he okay?”

“Victoria called Regina a little while ago. He had a heart attack last night.”

The admission shocks Liam. “Oh my goodness, is he okay? Is he…” 

“He’s alive and stable. But he’s going to be out of commission for a while while he’s recovering. I told her that Stephen can take as much time as he needs, we will manage without him.”

Liam nods. His father and Stephen Mason were good friends, and it’s been that way since they were kids. It was part of the reason he and Kendall grew so close. Back when things were good between them, at least.

“Of course, he can take all the time he needs. How is everyone else holding up?”

“Victoria seemed to be in decent spirits when Regina spoke with her. She said Zachary was with them earlier.”

Liam bites the inside of his cheek. His mind can’t help but wander to her. “Any mention of Kendall? Does she know?”

“Victoria didn’t say, nor did Regina ask.” The parents made a point to never bring their children up in conversation. It’s a lot easier to simply pretend the elephant in the room doesn’t exist. “I assume she knows. She adores her father. He adores her as well.” 

Liam snorts in derision. “Trust me, I know.”

Constantine quirks an eyebrow up in confusion. Snark isn’t usually his son’s forte, especially over Lady Kendall. 

“I told Regina that I’d pass along the news. Please send a gift basket or flowers to their estate, on behalf of the family.”

“Of course.”

Constantine finishes his drink in one large sip. He sighs and puts down his glass. “And buy better scotch.”

Liam rolls his eyes. “Goodbye, Father.”

Constantine chuckles to himself and exits his son’s study. Liam sits down at his desk and rummages through his pockets until he finds his cell phone.

He finds Drake’s contact and clicks it. After a few seconds, his best friend answers.

“What’s up, Li?”

“Nothing. I had a meeting scheduled, but it was cancelled, so I have no plans for the evening.”

“Max and I were thinking about heading to the beer garden for the evening. Are you in?”

“Of course. I’m not turning down an opportunity to drink.”

~v~

“Cheers!” Kendall clinks glasses with Olivia and downs her drink.

The red headed Duchess watches her friend, a bemused look on her face. “Slow down, Mason, that’s your fourth beer.”

“What, are you afraid I’m going to drink you under the table?”

“Of course not. But we don’t need you getting absolutely shitfaced.” Olivia turns to the bartender and hands him a $50 dollar bill. “She’s switching to water.”

“You’re not being fun.” 

“One of us has to be practical, you lush.” Olivia takes the bottle of water left by the bartender and slides it towards Kendall. “Drink up.”

Kendall stares at her friend, locked in a silent battle. Both women are stubborn to a fault, neither wanting to back down from a challenge. Olivia glares back, her emerald green eyes fixed squarely on the woman in front of her.

After a long while, Kendall relents and reluctantly opens the bottle of water, taking a tiny sip. “Happy?”

“Ecstatic.” Olivia hops off of her barstool and grabs Kendall by the arm. “Let’s sit somewhere else. We have some talking to do.”

Kendall allows herself to be dragged over to a table tucked in a far corner of the garden. It’s pretty quiet, with most of the patrons wanting to stick towards the middle of the space or close to the bar.

She looks around. It’s been so long since she’s seen the beer garden, and everything looks and feels exactly the same. Flowers still bloom all around, dainty lights hang from every surface of the room, giving off a calm and romantic vibe. Memories of happier times visiting this establishment flood her mind, but she shakes them away.

“How’s your dad doing?” Olivia asks, cutting straight to the chase.

“He’s...okay, I guess. Things could be better, but they could definitely be worse, so,” Kendall shrugs, “I don’t know. He’s alive and coherent. That’s all I can ask for at this point.”

“Your dad is a tough guy. He’ll be just fine.”

“When I got the call last night that he was rushed to the hospital, I panicked,” Kendall says. “My mom chartered a jet for me, thank goodness because there’s no way I would’ve been able to sit in the airport. I was so frazzled, I didn’t even call my job until I saw flying over Spain.”

“Do you like that job of yours?”

“Of course I do.”

“How long are you going to be in Cordonia?”

Kendall shrugs. “For as long as I can milk my job for family medical leave.” 

“You should just come back,” Olivia suggests, circling the rim of her glass with a perfectly manicured finger. “Hana’s been in Shanghai for the past month, and you’re the only other girl I like. Well, besides Gabriella.”

“Who’s Gabriella?”

“I forgot you don’t keep up with the court anymore. Gabriella is Maxwell’s girlfriend.”

Kendall’s mouth drops in shock. “Maxwell? Maxwell Beaumont?”

“Yeah, I think you’d really like her. She’s just so...nice.”

“Is she a noble?”

“No, she’s a veterinarian assistant. They hooked up after an incident with one of the Beaumont peacocks. That was a few months ago, and they’ve been together ever since.”

“How cute,” Kendall coos. “But to circle back to your little suggestion, the answer is no.”

“Why not?”

“Because I like New York. I like living there.”

“I gave you a pass when you first left because you were going to school. But you graduated, it’s time to come home.”

“You can use your authoritative duchess voice on everyone else, but it won’t work with me, Nevrakis.”

“I think you’re wasting your potential in the States,” Olivia admits. “Do you know who your father is? His name, along with your degree, could get you a job in any financial sector in this country.”

“Trust me, I know.” The last thing Kendall wants to do is rely on nepotism in order to secure a job. “I don’t want him to make things happen for me, I can do it on my own. I love New York, I love my job. Stop trying to convince me to leave.”

Olivia pouts childishly. “But you’re staying for a while, right?”

“At least 2 months,” Kendall admits.

“Good.” She goes silent for a while, pondering if she should even bring this up. “You’re going to run into him eventually, you know.”

“I don’t plan on it.”

“Oh really?” 

“I figured between the hospital, my dad’s physical therapy appointments, and taking care of him, I won’t even be getting out of the house much.”

“I don’t know if you're naive or delusional,” Olivia says with a snort. “Maybe both.”

“Look, I’m only back because of my dad. This isn’t a happy, social visit. Outings like this,” Kendall gestures to their surroundings, “are not going to be an everyday thing. Besides, I’m sure Liam will be busy doing princely things.”

“Technically kingly things.”

Kendall lifts her water bottle to her lips again. “Excuse me?”

“Liam’s the king now.” Olivia grimaces as Kendall spits the water out of her mouth. “Ew.”

“He’s king? Since when?”

“Leo abdicated last year. Literally left in the middle of the night and never looked back. Liam got crowned at the top of this year.”

To say the news shocks her would be an understatement. Kendall always knew Leo was flighty and impulsive, but this was an entirely new beast. “Wow.”

“Liam’s taken it in stride for the most part, but he refused to have a social season and pick a bride, much to Constantine’s dismay and he hasn’t spoken to Leo in months. The transition has been a bit...tough for him. Obviously he loves this country, but no one truly understands the weight of the crown, especially one that wasn’t made for you and that’s been shoved onto your head.”

Kendall doesn’t say anything else, trying to absorb all of the information given to her. Never in a million years did she ever think Liam would be the one running this country.

Olivia gauges her friend’s reaction to the news. She’s usually extremely stoic when it comes to Liam, shutting down the conversation when he’s mentioned or refusing to engage in anything about him at all. This is the most Kendall has spoken of him in years, it almost feels like a miracle that she doesn’t want to disrupt.

Kendall clears her throat awkwardly. “Can we please order another round?”

“One more, Mason. Then I’m cutting you off for–” Olivia abruptly stops talking as she sees Maxwell, Drake, and Liam enter the garden.

“You can’t cut me off,” Kendall says, not noticing Olivia’s shift in tone. “You aren’t the–”

A loud gasp cuts into Kendall’s sentence. “Mason!?”

Kendall’s head whips around and she sees the trio of guys heading over. Maxwell and Drake have broad grins on their faces, but not Liam. He looks as if he’s seen a ghost.

His heart hammers in his chest as he looks at her. It’s...crazy how many memories come flooding back to him. They all slam into him like a ton of bricks, one after the next.

“Liam!” 18 year old Kendall squeals as Liam buries his face in the crook of her neck, kissing her. “Liam, you’re distracting me.”

“You smell good,” Liam murmurs into her skin. She smells like coconuts. “You always smell so good.”

“Thank you. But you’re supposed to be helping me study! I have a test tomorrow for my government class.”

“Is that the only reason I’m here?” Liam pulls away from Kendall and smirks at her.

“Obviously,” Kendall teases. “What good is dating a prince if I can’t use him to help me ace my exams?”

Liam feigns shock, jumping away from Kendall. He wraps a hand around her ankle and tugs it hard, sending her flying forward. Her head flies back, hitting the pile of pillows she has neatly placed on her bed. She laughs at the action, a laugh that makes Liam’s heart still thud wildly in his chest, 3 years into dating her.

“Take it back,” Liam orders. Kendall kicks at him, but he jumps back, narrowly dodging her foot.

“Make me.”

The challenge causes Liam’s eyes to darken, mischief sparkling in their pretty blue depths. In one quick stride, he’s towering over Kendall, his arms braced at either of her sides. “You’re not with me because you can use it to your advantage.”

“Prove it, mister.”

“You’re with me because I make you laugh,” Liam says, leaning closer to his girlfriend. He kisses the tip of her nose. “Because I know how to make you smile after a long day.” He kisses the apples of her cheeks next. “Because I know you better than you know yourself. Because I’m your best friend, even though Olivia would murder me if I said that in her presence,”

Liam pounces onto the bed, his knees replacing his arms and barricading Kendall underneath him. His hands go up to cradle her face, touching her with care as if she were a piece of fine art.

“You want to know why I’m really with you?” Kendall asks rhetorically.

“Enlighten me, Lady Kendall.”

She turns her head slightly and kisses the inside of his arm. “Because I am absolutely, positively, head over heels in love with you, Prince Charming.”

Liam knows this. He and Kendall have never been shy when it comes to expressing their love for one another, but every time she says she loves him, it feels like the first time all over again. A wide grin breaks out on his face, something so bright and uninhibited, something reserved solely for her. “And I love you, Kendall. More than anything else in the world.”

Liam is pulled from the memory when he sees Kendall get out of her seat to greet Maxwell, her arms wrapping around his neck as they meet in a ferocious hug.

Maxwell kisses the side of her head. “I’ve missed you, my little blossom!”

“I missed you too, Max.”

“Is New York treating you well?”

“Yes. You guys need to come visit me again. I’ll take you to all the cool spots.” Kendall turns her attention to Drake next. “There’s a whiskey bar in Brooklyn that you would absolutely adore.”

“Is it better than the one in Manhattan?”

“Much.”

“Mason, you’re talking my language.”

“What are you doing out here?” Maxwell asks.

“It’s my dad,” Kendall says, sobering up instantly as she remembers the reason why she’s here. “He had a heart attack.” She sees the looks of panic flash across Drake and Maxwell’s faces. “He’s going to be okay, his doctors are optimistic.”

Maxwell nods. “Damn right he is. Stephen is going to bounce back better than ever.”

“If he stays on course, he’ll be released in a few days,” Kendall continues. “So I have a lot to get done within the next 36 hours.”

“Do you need any help?” Drake asks.

“No. I think I’ll call a cleaning service in the morning to make sure the estate is spotless. And once he meets with a nutritionist, I have to go grocery shopping. But for now, I’m okay. Thanks for the offer.”

Maxwell affectionately squeezes Kendall’s hand. “Don’t hesitate to reach out, Kenny, with whatever.”

Kendall’s eyes briefly flicker over to Liam. He’s still standing there, as still as a statue, and she looks away before he notices her. But she feels his blue eyes, burning a hole into the side of her head.

She feels dizzy, and she isn’t sure if it’s from being in such close proximity to him or the amount of alcohol she’s consumed. 

Because while Liam can look at her and remember the good times, the sight of him is quickly unraveling her.

The night of their breakup is still so fresh in her mind, her senses overwhelmed by the memory. 

Her heart thuds so loudly in her chest, she can feel it in her ears.

She can still recall the taste of the salty tears flowing freely from her eyes as she cried. She remembers the soreness, the way the muscles in her back and shoulders ached after she was wracked with uncontrollable sobs.

“Please, Liam!” The unrecognizable desperation in her voice rattles her as she drops to her knees in front of Liam. Who is she? “Forget about New York, forget about Columbia! I don’t need to go. I just need you, I want you. I’ll stay. I’ll stay and we’ll be together.”

Liam frowns sadly. “I can’t be the reason you stay. I need to let you go.”

“No! Don’t do this to us.”

Her breath hitches in her throat at the memory. It was the worst day of her life, and she’s tried for 4 long years to bury the memories and forget them entirely. But one look at Liam and she’s back to square one. In an instant, she’s that 18 years old girl again, the one that was hopelessly in love with him and got her heart annihilated in turn.

She turns to Olivia. “I think I should finally head home.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m tired.” It’s not a lie. Kendall is exhausted and it’s a decent enough excuse. But the gang knows better, they know her desire to flee is due to the monarch standing next to them.

“Are you good to drive?” Olivia questions.

“I’ll call Gladys or Zach to come pick me up.” Kendall grabs her purse and rifles through it with shaky fingers, looking for any random bills. “How much do I owe you?”

Olivia shakes her head. “Don’t worry about the tab, it’s my treat.”

“Thank you. I’ll call you when I get home, okay?”

“You better.”

Kendall turns to Maxwell and Drake. She plasters on a smile, one that’s rehearsed and doesn’t reach her eyes. “It was nice seeing you two again.”

The dig at the king’s expense doesn’t go unnoticed. Kendall treats him like he isn’t there, blatantly refusing to acknowledge his existence.

She gives them one last smile and wave, making her way out. “Goodnight guys.”

Kendall’s going to have to pass Liam in order to reach the exit, so he decides that now might be the only time he can talk to her. “Kendall, wait!”

He lightly grabs her arm, stopping her from leaving and that’s when things go south. Before he can react, Kendall turns around and catches his wrist between her fingers, twisting his entire arm at an awkward angle.

A pain shoots up his arm and he winces in spite of himself. Bastien, who had been keeping a respectful distance, strides over to the table, ready to diffuse the situation. “Unhand him at once, Lady Kendall.”

“Touch me again, and I swear I’ll break it,” Kendall hisses fiercely. She turns to Bastien. “That wasn’t a threat, it was a promise.”

“Let him go,” Bastien commands. He doesn’t want to escalate the situation by any means, but he can’t let the king get hurt, even if his ex is the one inflicting the wound.

Kendall drops Liam’s hand and he instantly goes to cradle it. When did she learn that move?

Without another word, she stalks off, not sparing another glance at her friends or the other patrons of the establishment who saw the incident.

“Are you alright, Your Majesty?” Bastien asks, surveying Liam’s wrist. 

“I’m fine. She didn’t actually break anything.”

“Everyone here will be signing a non disclosure agreement,” Bastien continues. It doesn’t need to get out that that king’s ex-girlfriend nearly broke his wrist for all of the public to see. He says something into his earpiece about closing the garden down for a few minutes, but Liam’s not listening anymore.

The young monarch turns to the scarlet haired duchess sitting a few feet away from him. He narrows his eyes at her. “Pray tell, when were you going to mention that Kendall was back in town?”

Olivia grins like a Cheshire Cat and raises her glass at the question. “Surprise!”

[spideyrights]

Partners (Series) - Detective Loki x Reader

X. LOVER

series masterlist

When you finally arrived at Keller’s Dad’s house having gotten the call that Loki had found Alex Jones there, you rushed to the location immediately. When you made your way up to where the majority of the officers had gathered, you could see Loki leant on the doorframe adjacent to the bathroom Jones had been kept in, a solemn yet determined look in his face.  You approach him quickly, a note of concern on your face. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, found Jones.”

“I heard. Nice work.” There was a kind of dull silence that followed that after the tone set by your last conversation. You rocked on your heels, hands shoved into your coat pockets whilst Loki’s gaze was fixed on the ground, neither of you daring to make a noise. You never thought you'd be glad to see O’Malley but when he made his way over to the pair of you a twinge of relief shot through you both as he relieved you from the awkward situation.

“I need you to go over to Holly Jones’. She needs to be notified.” “No I need to find Dover,” Loki interrupted, standing up straighter and raising his voice just slightly above that of O’Malley’s.

“Come on. You’re done with Dover.”

“You want me to go to Holly Jones’?”

“I want you to go to Holly Jones’ and notify her, please.” O’Malley walked away, leaving the two of you to exchange mildly annoyed glances at one another, typical of you to do so after the Captain had finished speaking, and it made you feel a little less cramped by the awkward tension.

“You coming?”

“Can’t. Just got a call from Eliza Birch on the way here, asked me to come back to the hospital,” you say, raising your phone in your hand. “Says she told her sister all about me and they both want to speak to me. Or do some colouring in with me but what’s the difference?” You chuckle lightly, almost coyly, at the idea and Loki’s lips upturn upon hearing your words. There’s a kind of soft adoration on his face. He likes how well you communicate with others, it’s a skill he’s never had. It makes him think that maybe you two are the perfect pairing, that he's glad you were made partners after all. He just doesn’t know how to say that.

“Lucky girls, getting to spend time with you,” Loki mumbles fondly and his honesty takes you aback. You’d never heard Loki say something so frank let alone when it came to you. You of course knew why he’d say such a thing.

“Listen, about earlier-”

“We can...talk about it later,” you said, cutting him off. This didn’t seem the right time to have that kind of conversation. “Once this whole case is over, even. Just go to Holly Jones’ and we’ll see where we’re at tomorrow morning.”

He hesitates on your words, nodding slowly before transitioning into a more firm nod of acceptance. He blinks hard, his eyes twitching. “Yeah, okay.”

“Well, be careful, don’t do anything stupid.” “When do I ever?”

It had been slow in the hospital. The Birch parents had gone to sleep just outside of Joy’s room, Eliza remained in the room with her sister and Joy was, surprisingly, the most energetic of any remaining member of the hospital including you. Your head was leant against the cool plastic of the hospital bed rails as you watched Eliza colour in the book you had brought her with a content smile on her face as her sister helped. You swore you could feel your eyes begin to shut before you were alerted by a loud though muffled sound from a distance away. You watched as one of the nurses just outside the room looked down the corridor to the source of the noise before her eyes grew wide and she raced towards it. You, now alert, followed suit.

“Take her, quick!” You can hear the familiar male voice from a distance away and as the thought creeps into your mind for just a moment that it may be Loki you immediately break out into a sprint. Rounding the corner you hear more clearly that the words of the male voice have changed. “Get (Y/N). (Y/N)”

Your pace quickens as you catch sight of Loki, blood dripping from his head, on the floor with one nurse by his side trying to understand what he’s saying. “David,” you call out, only noting your breaking voice and tone of desperation as the words pass through your lips.

“(Y/N),” he says, relief overwhelming his tone. You finally reach him, moving the nurse out of the way and telling her to go find a doctor which she does immediately. You crouch to the ground where Loki is now, unable to stand upright, pulling his body up so his bleeding head rests in your lap. You press your hand to where the blood seems to be coming from and he lets out an agonising, deeply pained groan which makes you wince. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you say gently to him before glancing around the hospital to see if anyone is coming which, much to your dismay, no one was around. “Help. Please help.” You scream, noticing your words punctuated by spit from the force of your voice. You try not to panic but your chest is heaving and your vision blurring. You return your gaze to Loki who's eyes are shutting for a couple of seconds at a time before they snap open.

“Hey, David, stay with me. Someone’s coming.” Surely enough the nurse runs by with a doctor just as you speak. They instruct you to move out of the way though you feel yourself unable to do so, heart aching at the thought of leaving him now. After another firm instruction from the doctor to move, you do so, standing back and watching as they lift him, using both of their shoulders to support his arms as they take him to a nearby empty surgery room.

The door shut, leaving you the only one in the hospital halls to deal with the aftermath of that panic. You raise your hands to wipe your disheveled hair out of the way but you stop, noting the blood on both hands. You quickly rush into a nearby bathroom where you take note of your appearance. You look positively terrible. You don’t notice but there are tears on your face, when they fell you don’t know, but they’ve dried on your previously luminously glowing skin, creating a sort of sullen dullness. Your hair is wildly sticking out every which was and there’s little smudges of blood on your clothing, your face and your shoes. You clean yourself up.

You internally reprimand yourself. You knew Loki would be fine, he had to be fine. What would you do without him after all? Go back home and never work as a detective ever again probably. But no, he’d be fine, he’s always fine.

You were apprehensive to approach Loki’s room. Something about it made your tummy stir. Like an uncomfortable heat was moving in your stomach, flipping its internal contents every which way. You watched as Anna and Joy left his room, smiling softly at the girls as they passed by you where you were waiting a safe distance away from his room by the receptionist’s desk. Mrs Dover lingered there a moment longer, continuing the conversation with him. You assumed she was talking about Keller and admittedly you pitied her deeply. You didn’t want her to have to lose the man she loved. You only experienced a hint of that the night before, you’d hate to think what it would actually be like to lose Loki. Not that I love-

“Go speak to him,” the receptionist said having been watching you nervously bounce your feet whilst leaning on the top of the counter and tapping at the cardboard of the box of food your brought, watching his room from afar. “The first thing he asked when he woke up a little while ago is where you were.”

She left at that comment, sending you accusative eyes as if to say ‘just do it’ and you scoff with a chuckle and a shake of your head before gingerly approaching the room. Once close enough you notice his gazed is fixed on the floor and so you knock on the doorman despite the already open door. “Hey, you’re up.”

“Yeah, I am. You just come to visit?” You inhale at his question, crossing your arms over your chest and looking to the ground.

“Yeah, um, I figured I might as well come say hi and, um, bring you this.” You hand over the box of food awkwardly and he sets it beside him. You continue to avoid eye contact but when you finally look at Loki after a few moments of silence he’s...smiling? Smiling strangely widely, more like a smirk of sorts that overwhelms his features as he stares you down.

“Huh, that's crazy. Because first thing the nurses said to me when I woke up is it’s a shame my girlfriend wasn't here to see me wake up considering she slept here the whole night waiting for me.”

Your mouth falls agape though quickly recovers as it transforms into a smile against your will. Your eyes remain fixed on your black boots as you kick them against each other in a bashful attempt to throw off suspicion. “Yeah, strange. You sure they didn’t mean Joy or Anna? Those girls love you.”

“They the only ones who love me?”

“Okay, busted, I was here the whole night,” you smile, throwing your hands up to indicate surrender “I left to shower, change and pick you up something to eat. I figured you weren’t a hospital food kind of guy.” His smile continues to grow in tenderness and whilst you concede to his remarks you step slightly closer, playfully reaching your foot out and kicking his gently. “You’re a quick learner.”

“Well I’ve also learnt never to put off a conversation with you or else you might get shot in the head just to avoid it.” He nods with an almost content sigh.

“Speaking of, I believe you owe me a conversation.”

“Detective, we need to check your dressing. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” You both turn to notice one of the nurses lingering by the doorway, bandages in hand before you turn to each other exchanging somewhat amused smiles.

“Don’t worry we’re used to interruptions by now,” Loki jokes, sending a knowing glance your way which only makes you smile more.

“I’ll see you in a bit.” With that you turn on your heel, ready to make your way out of the room but Loki’s voice stops you. “(Y/N)?”

“Yeah.” You turn as you speak and you’re mildly taken aback when you’re finally facing him completely. One of his arms is outstretched and for a moment you don’t know what it means before it clicks. A hug. Loki is completely, entirely willingly offering you a hug off his own accord. You bite down on the inside of your cheeks trying to control your smile as you step into his embrace. From where he sits and you stand you’re both at head level. His arms come around your waist, reaching upwards and resting on your back as your arms hook around his neck, placed comfortably on his broad shoulders. He nuzzles his head into your neck and you linger in the warmth of it all, shutting your eyes and squeezing tighter before you both pull apart. His cheeks are flushed and there’s a boyish charm to the way his eyes look briefly to yours before falling to the ground. You wave goodbye, trying to contain your smile as you leave the room, walking down the corridor until you can’t control your giddiness anymore, clapping your hands together and squealing as you walk, startling the waiting patients around you.

Hearing that Loki was already back at work later that day was no surprise to you. The man seemed to never cease working. When he hadn’t been to the office the whole day you enquired as to his whereabouts with O’Malley who reluctantly encouraged you to go join him.

“Need some company?” Loki’s head snaps towards you upon hearing your voice. At first his body tenses and his eyes are wide and alert but upon recognising you his eyes and expression soften, his lips turning up when he notes the two coffee cups in your hands “Though of course, I have heard you’re the ‘lone wolf type’.”

He chuckles softly with a light exhale, gratefully taking the warm bitter beverage from you. “I don’t know about that, partner,”

You give him surprised eyes, tilting your head with a pleased smile in response to his use of the word partner. You both let the eye contact linger on for a moment before diverting your gaze. The forensics team had left as you came in but it seemed Loki wasn’t done for the night just yet. You both allowed a pregnant pause and you were about to speak when you heard something. Both you and Loki caught the noise at the same time. A whistle.

Finding Dover certainly lightened the mood for you, Loki and the whole precinct just in time for your Christmas vacation. You couldn’t have been happier when you reunited the family a week before the holiday, especially when you saw the joy on Keller’s face to see his daughter again and the relief on Anna’s face to be back home. In the aftermath of the case however you did have a lot of paperwork that had to be completed. So here you sat, nose buried in a case file.

“Hey, listen, do you have Christmas plans?” Your head snapped up at the noise to meet the sight of Loki hovering above your cubicle. His finger tapped rapidly on the plastic top of it as his gaze searched the room with a harsh twitch interrupting every few seconds.

“Sadly, no, can't afford to head home for a week,” you sigh, punctuating your sentence with the pout of your lips. “Probably just calling my family and watching Christmas movies by myself at this rate. You?”

He inhaled sharply, rounding the cubicle and joining you, sitting atop your desk as you pushed your chair out to move closer to him. “Well that’s what I was going to mention. I don’t have plans either so I was thinking...would you- just a thought-I don’t know if you’re- what I’m trying to say is-”

“Detective Loki, are you asking me on a date?”

His eyes finally rose from the ground meeting your face to note a teasing smile spread across your expression. It makes his cheeks flush more than they had before, imbuing a deep crimson across his face. “W-well, not a date per se unless you want it to be a date but if you don’t want it to be a date that's fine but it’s also fine if you do-”

“Breathe,” you instructed softly with a chuckle, taking his hands in yours which he gratefully accepted, intertwining your fingers further. “I’m just trying to say that we might as well spend Christmas together rather than alone.”

“Alone together. Sounds perfect. What are we doing? I can’t exactly cook a Christmas dinner and I don’t know if anything will be open Christmas Day.” 

Loki thought intently for a moment before a knowing smile spread across his face. “I actually might know a place.”

“Merry Christmas, Detective!...And Detective’s girlfriend?” The Chinese restaurant was certifiably empty. The tables all looked crystal clean and there was no sign of a chair even moved out of place. Clearly, unlike the two of you, no one had been here on Christmas Day. The waitresses eager smile grew at the hope she might be right.

“No we’re not-”

“Thank you! Merry Christmas to you too!” Loki turned to you, wide-eyed at your acceptance of her statement but you simply shrugged with a small smile as if to say ‘just have some fun with it’ to which he seemed to put on a facade of reluctant agreement when he was more flustered than anything.

“I have to say I never thought I’d see the day Detective Loki brought a girl in here. He’s always in here alone,” the waitress giggled excitedly, pouring you a green tea whilst Loki sipped on his coffee.

“Okay, easy,” he commented, clearly embarrassed but passing it off as mild irritation in classic Loki fashion. 

“It took a lot of convincing but he warmed up to me. Right, sweetheart?” You kicked his shin under the table. “Right.”

When the waitress had finally left the two of you in semi-peace - you couldn’t call it peace entirely considering all members of staff working and people that didn’t even look liked they worked there were all staring at you through the clear screen of the kitchen, murmuring excitedly - Loki gave you a look of disapproval. 

“What?! I’m just having some fun,” you reasoned with a playful smile which of course Loki found to be as contagious as usual, forcing him to bite down on his bottom lip to contain his smile. 

“So pretending to be my girlfriend is fun?”

“Well not right now, you’re a terrible pretend boyfriend,” you joke, sipping on your green tea and he laughs, sitting back in his chair with a head-shake of disbelief. “Oh really, what am I doing wrong?”

“I mean if you were a good pretend boyfriend you would probably know I’d rather you sit next to me than across from me,” you spoke, an intonation of nervousness crossing your words that only you could detect. You didn’t expect Loki to comply so it was certainly a surprise when he stood from his chair with no hesitation, moving across the table to sit next to you at the four person table. He shifted so his body was facing yours as he slung his arm around the back of your chair making you tense slightly. Something he too noticed causing a smirk to grace his face.

“Anything else, pretend girlfriend?”

“Ummmmm,” You looked around the around the restaurant trying to find something you could make him do, mainly to satisfy your own fantasy but you hoped he wouldn’t realise that. “Well, pretend boyfriend, I’m rather cold in here actually.” 

Loki nodded, immediately reaching over to grab his coat. “I think I got this one.” He took the coat in his hands, moving it in your direction and you expected him to hand it to you but he purposefully diverted the coat from your outstretched hand, putting it over your shoulders himself, pulling it over your chest until it covered you as best as it could. You could feel the heat rising to your face and you began to knead your fingers into each other, a nervous tendency you couldn’t shake. When his arm returned to the back of your chair this time you found yourself easing into the comfort of it. 

“Anything else?”

“Nothing I can think of.”

You both allowed a moment of silence. Just looking at each other. Loki’s eyes were the bluest you’d ever seen them. Perhaps lighter from the relief of the case being solved, perhaps from the joy of Christmas or, as you’d hoped, perhaps from the happiness that came with spending time with you. 

“I can think of something,” Loki spoke, his voice gentle and quiet. You nodded, raised eyebrows, wordlessly asking for him to respond and it brought a soft smile to his face. It was unlike any smile of his you’d seen before. This one softened his whole face, all of his features, with a touch of adoration or awe as he looked at you. 

His hand moved from gripping the back of your chair onto your back in a touch so gentle you almost questioning whether it was really there. His hand was slowly rising up your back whilst pulling you in towards him. It finally came to a stop in your hair where his fingers were interlaced whilst his thumb came out to brush against your cheek. He leaned in ever so gently and you followed suit. Both of you were hesitant, that much was obvious. His lips were now all your eyes could focus on, a mere few inches away. The distance or lack thereof was intoxicating for you both. You couldn’t help but lean in, meeting his soft lips with yours. You both moved in synchronisation, latching onto each others lips and moving against each other passionately. His grip on your hair tightened making you let out a sharp breath, allowing his tongue to slip into your mouth. Your hand immediately reached out for his arm, clutching it to steady yourself whilst your other hand reached up to his face, pulling him closer into you. The both of you finally broke apart, evidently reluctant, to catch your breathe.

“I’ve been waiting to do that,” Loki rasped, placing another quick peck to your lips which made you smile shyly. “I hope it was worth the wait.”

“You don’t even know.” You both giggled at the statement, clearly on a kind of euphoric high after the kiss. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him and you moved into his embrace. It was only then that you noticed your keen audience seemed to have witness the whole thing and the entirety of the kitchen staff and waiters and waitresses were giddy with smiles and shooting you both thumbs up’s. You nuzzled your head into the crook of Loki’s neck, embarrassed, which only make Loki’s fond laughter grow louder. 

The two of you wished everyone a Merry Christmas, leaving the restaurant hand-in-hand. There was a strangely comfortable silence as you both couldn’t wipe the smiles off of your face. You tried to pull your hand apart from Loki’s so you could cross over to the passenger side of his car but he stopped you, gripping your hand tighter and pulling you into him. He moved you both so you leant against the car, trapped in place by his warm body which was pressed against yours. “What?”

He looked down at your intertwined hands with a smile before sighing contentedly. “What do we do now?”

You knew exactly what he meant. You were work colleagues after all. There was no firm line against dating your partner, not explicitly anyway but it was certainly implied and certainly frowned upon. But you both knew you couldn’t deny what was so obvious between you two, not to mention this might just be the happiest you’ve ever seem Loki.

“I don’t know,” you said honestly. “Is that a problem?”

“Nothing about this is a problem,” Loki half-chuckled, a doting sincerity in his tone. He leaned down, pressing another kiss to your lips, this one much softer, almost a touch of peace being echoed in how calmly and gently your lips moved against each other. You both pulled apart when your phones buzzed simultaneously.

“On Christmas Day?” Loki groaned, clearly annoyed to have been interrupted again. Of course the alert would have been sent to you both, the only people to ever promise to be available to work on Christmas Day. You both scanned through the message, meeting eyes when you’d read it all.

“You ready to go, partner?”

“As I’ll ever be, partner.”

THE END

tags: @mother-dearest-loves-me @mariamermaid@vigilanteavengerqueen   @superheroforrent @peterbxrnes   @igotanaddixon  @blablasomethingblabla @cafeaufeels   @montypythonsholysnail  @carolines24   @chimera4plums   @emma-frxst  @oswald-1998  @iv-nyc @twowaymirrorx  @skarlettmikaelson  @deviantly-gayy @frnchpy  @meliamarshall  @

[abundanceofsoph]

SkyFire 2: Chapter 12

The Late Show with Steve Colbert: September 28th, 2016

Word count: 2.8k

Song is Reaper by Andie Case

SkyFire 2 MASTERLIST

Aurora was anxiously pacing backstage as she waited for her time to walk out onto the set. She listened as Stephen Colbert began his opening monologue and she swallowed thickly as he explained how the following day marked the first anniversary of the shooting and how this episode was in honour of the 43 lives they had lost that day. Mark squeezed her shoulder in support as she was announced and she let out a shaky breath, trying to push her anxiety aside as the curtain was pulled back for her. Her hand trembled as she walked out into the bright studio lights, the crowd applauding as she approached were Stephen Colbert stood in front of his desk. She hugged him before taking a seat on the sofa next to the desk; the audience continued to clap and cheer for a few extra moments before Stephen shushed them and she felt the weight of everyone’s gaze fall on her. She had a smile plastered on her face and if her family were there, they would recognise how fake it was, but to the audience in front of her she looked calm and collected, some would even say excited to be there.

“Aurora, welcome,” Stephen said once the audience fell silent. “Thank you for joining us tonight.”

“Thank you for having me,” Aurora replied. “I know we’ve been trying to make this happen since your first show last year.”

“We have and of course everyone watching knows that it’s been an incredibly challenging year for you, so we are very grateful to have you here. What has this last 12 months been like?”

“Like you said it’s been really challenging. When I woke up in the hospital they told me I’d been shot about a dozen times, once in the abdomen, 4 times in my shoulder and then another 7 or possibly more in my left hand, so for the first few months I was just focusing on all the surgeries and trying to heal.”

“And about a month after the shooting you were trending online after you joined your fiancé Harry Styles on stage for One Directions last concert show. What brought that about?”

“I think in the wake of tragedies like the Columbia shooting we all focus on the victims and their recovery but not a lot of thought goes to the victim’s friends and families if they survive. For those that die, their families receive overwhelming support, but if your loved one survives, there’s not a lot of emotional support and that’s something I never realised until I found myself in that situation. While I was recovering physically and receiving the help I needed to deal with the PTSD and the emotional trauma, my family was struggling and that became pretty clear to me when I watched fan videos from the One Direction tour and I saw the way that Harry and the other lads were hurting. I can’t begin to imagine the trauma of hearing someone you love has been involved in a mass shooting and that they might not make it. That leaves such devastating wounds that I knew I had to go to London and help them through that pain. Getting on stage was just this last minute idea we cooked up to celebrate that I was still there and to thank the fans for all their support.”

“It was a beautiful moment to watch,” Stephen replied, “but you’ve been pretty quiet online since then.”

“I have yeah. I stayed on Instagram and I’ve kept posting there but I deleted all my other social media accounts after the shooting.”

“Why was that?”

“Emotions were running high and unfortunately the anonymity of social media really encourages the worst in people. There was quite a lot of awful things being said about myself and my family in those first few weeks and mentally I wasn’t in a good place so I just deleted everything and my manager does a great job of keeping my Instagram comment section clear of the worst of things.”

“Why stay on Instagram at all? Why not delete it as well?”

“Despite the fame and attention, I’m like most 21 year olds. I want to see what my friends are doing and share the aspects of my life that I’m comfortable sharing and I love my fans. They’re really wonderful people and I like being able to invite them into my world in small ways, I’m just learning how to do that in a way that’s right for my mental health.”

“You said you were receiving a lot of hate after the shooting, what kinds of things were being said?”

“While most people were incredibly supportive, there were also a lot of voices pointing out the special treatment I received because I’m a Stark. I saw the best surgeons and I never had to worry about hospital bills. I also survived because my parents responded to the emergency as quickly as they did, and I was rushed to the nearest hospital. A lot of people died because nobody got to them as fast as they got to me.”

“Did you agree with what they were saying?”

“Of course, and I still do. Growing up poor and then being thrust into my dad’s world has always caused me to have a tremendous amount of guilt. I have so much privilege and even though I knew how lucky I was I didn’t use that privilege to help people. It was really confronting to get called out for that on such a massive scale, especially when I was at my most vulnerable.”

“And you used that as a wakeup call, didn’t you?”

“I did. My father’s charity, the Maria Stark Foundation stepped in immediately in the wake of the shooting and set up the ColumbiaStrong fund to pay for the medical care and funeral expenses of the other victims. The fund has ensured that everyone had access to the surgeries they needed, as well as providing therapy for those of us who developed PTSD and other mental illnesses from that day.”

“It’s an incredible initiative,” Stephen agreed, “and we’ve heard that you’ve taken a more hands on approach in recent months.” Aurora looked at him for a moment, trying to work out what he was referring to. “It’s been reported that you’ve been visiting hospitals over the summer.”

‘Ahhh’, she thought, ‘So people finally caught on to that.’

“I thought I was doing a good job of sneaking around and keeping that out of the news,” she chuckled, attempting to cover her nervousness. “Ever since my own amputation I’ve been visiting the children’s hospitals and speaking to kids with prosthetics and residual limbs.”

“They must love meeting you.”

“They’re incredible kids. Honesty I think they’ve helped me more than I’ve helped them. They’ve always got a smile on their faces and they don’t see themselves as victims. Meeting them helped me come to terms with my own situation.”

“You’re very humble.”

“I just don’t like to take credit for things like I’m some hero. I’m just 21 year old girl that survived something horrific and I’m just trying to do the best I can with what I’ve got.”

“Well we’ve got some people joining us tonight who are also doing the best they can with what they’ve got,” Stephen said to the camera, the audience clapping along. “We’ll be right back with more of the incredible survivors of the 2015 Columbia Shooting and a performance by Aurora Stark.”

As the cameras cut to the commercials, Aurora stood up, making her way off the set to where Mark was waiting for her. “You did great,” he said and they both turned to watch the crew swap out the seat she’d just vacated with a three seater sofa and add three bar stools behind it. There were 5 other survivors of the shooting guesting on the show, all choosing to be interviewed together as apposed the solo interview that Aurora had just given.

“Welcome back to the late show,” Colbert said when they returned from the commercial break. “I’m joined by 5 incredible young men and women; Chris Watkins, Jacinta Flores, Brandy Taylor, Jacob Lawler and Daniel Thomas.”

Aurora watched the interview on one of the monitors backstage. She felt like her own experience was being recounted by the 5 people on set as they discussed their own recoveries and the challenges facing them, so similar to her own. 3 had returned to Columbia to continue their studies, while the other 2, like Aurora, couldn’t face going back. They all had a range of injuries, but she found that they all shared the same burden of nightmares, flashbacks and guilt. After Colbert threw to another commercial break, Aurora headed back out onto the set, this time heading for the stage area. She smiled at the members of Harry’s new band, grateful that they agreed to join her for this performance, and she felt a little less nervous with them sitting behind her after spending so much time with them all in her home studio. Sarah gave her a supportive thumbs up from where she was already sat behind her drum kit, Adam similarly smiling in support with his base guitar in hand, and despite feeling more at home with a guitar in his hands, Mitch had happily volunteered to play piano once he’d heard Aurora talking to Harry about how scared she felt to play live. She didn’t allow herself much time to be nervous about her first solo performance in years, taking a seat on the stool set up behind the microphone and listening on silently as Stephen continued to interview the other 5 survivors. She wiped her sweaty palm against her thigh and then she heard Stephen thanking his guests before walking over towards where she and the band waited.  

“With her new single raising money for the ColumbiaStrong fund,” he said into the camera, “this is Aurora Stark with Reaper.” The lights dimmed across the set, a solitary spotlight softly lighting where she sat as the song began.

Broke down, thought that I would drown Hoped that I'd be found, 'fore I hit the ground Sun rays out the corner of my eye Saw you weeping, saw you creeping Saw you sneaking in the shadow's dawn I feel so strong Saw you out the corner of my eye

Don't come for me today I'm feeling good I'mma savour it Don't come for me today I'm feeling good I remember when You came to take me away So close I was to heaven's gates But no baby, no baby, not today Oh, you tried to track me down You followed me like the darkest cloud But no baby, no baby, not today Oh reaper Oh no baby, no baby, not today Oh reaper Oh no baby, no baby, not today

So come back when I'm good to go I got drinks to drink, and a man to hold I got good things to do with my life, yeah Oh, I wanna dance in the open breeze Feel the wind in my hair, hear the ocean sing I got good things to feel in my life, yeah

Don't come for me today I'm feeling good I'mma savour it Don't come for me today I'm feeling good I remember when You came to take me away So close I was to heaven's gates But no baby, no baby, not today Oh, you tried to track me down You followed me like the darkest cloud But no baby, no baby, not today Oh reaper Oh no baby, no baby, not today Oh reaper Oh no baby, no baby, not today

Reaper  

As the song finished, the lights lifted, and Stephen walked out to hug Aurora before turning to the camera as the audience applauded. “Aurora Stark everybody!” Stephen yelled. “Reaper is available now, all proceeds going to the ColumbiaStrong fund to support victims of gun violence. We’ll be right back.”

She quickly hugged Mitch, Sarah and Adam before following Stephen back over to the desk, joining the others on the sofa.

“That was an incredible song,” Stephen said when the show returned from the ad break. “Thank you for sharing that with us, Aurora.”

“Thank you,” she replied.

“Now back at the start of the show we were talking about the ColumbiaStrong fund started by the Stark family to help survivors of the shooting, and I’m interested to hear what you all think about it.”

“I wouldn’t be sitting here without that money,” Brandy said. “My mom’s health insurance wouldn’t have covered the therapy I needed afterwards, and I was really struggling. My dad isn’t around so my mom was already working 2 jobs to pay the bills and send my 3 younger sisters to a good school. My medical bills would have bankrupted us if the Starks hadn’t helped us.”

Everyone else nodded and agreed, adding their own versions of the same story, while Aurora felt her eyes growing damp. She knew that the foundation had paid peoples bills and she knew that her father’s money had helped people but being confronted by it made it all the more real to her.

“I know Aurora was saying earlier in the show that she felt guilty that Iron Man and Captain America got to her so fast, but I’m grateful they did,” Daniel added. “If she hadn’t been on campus and they hadn’t responded, I hate to think about how many more of us would have died that day. When Iron Man stopped the shooter, he was heading for one of the busiest parts of campus. A lot of people walked away unharmed because Aurora sent out that SOS.”

As he spoke, Aurora felt her cheeks burning and she ducked her head in embarrassment. If she’d known that agreeing to this interview would lead to these people praising her for her actions last year, she would have declined the invitation. She didn’t deserve their praise or their thanks. All she’d done that day was cower under a table in fear and call her dads to come save her, but here these other survivors were, acting like she’d saved peoples lives. She hated it.

“I don’t know about everyone else, but I know I deal with a lot of guilt,” Jacob said. “My therapist called it survivors’ guilt and he said it’s pretty common for those who experience trauma to struggle with trying to understand why they survived when others died.” Everyone else nodded in agreement. “Aurora, I want to thank you, even though I’m pretty sure you don’t feel like you deserve it. You saved a lot of people that day and the money that your family has donated has saved a lot more. You shouldn’t be ashamed of your privilege because your using to help people around you. So, thank you.”

Aurora felt a few tears slip down her cheeks, painfully aware of the audience and cameras watching every moment. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want them thanking her for something she didn’t deserve.

“It’s very nice of you to say all of that but I shouldn’t be the one you’re thanking,” she said, quickly wiping at the tears threatening to drip down her blushing cheeks. “The first responders deserve our gratitude. The doctors and nurses. And my dads were the ones to set up the money so please don’t thank me for that. I was lying in a hospital bed just trying to hold myself together just like the rest of you. I’m not anyone’s hero.”

Jacinta, the blonde sitting next to Aurora on the sofa, pulled her into a tight hug.

“As you can see ladies and gentlemen,” Stephen said to the camera’s as the two girls hugged. “The emotional scars left behind by this tragedy are still very fresh in the minds of those who survived. Thank you for joining us this evening in commemorating those we lost and those still healing. Aurora’s single, Reaper, is now available for purchase from all the usual places with all profits going to the ColumbiaStrong fund to ensure support is available for those affected by gun violence. Thank you for watching and goodnight.”

Stephen stood up, walking around the desk to shake everyone’s hand as the audience applauded and Aurora pulled herself back together. She said her farewells as soon as she could, making her way backstage to where Mark and the band were waiting for her.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t know it was going to go that way.”

“It’s ok Mark,” Rori promised. “I don’t think anyone expected that to happen.”

“Let’s get you guys home yeah?” Mark replied. “Steve said he was cooking a big dinner for everyone.”

NEXT CHAPTER

OR CONTINUE READING ON AO3

[mandeebobandee]

I said I’d write a post with my experience with mental illness and here it is. I put it off for a while because I wasn’t sure how personal I wanted to get, or if anyone would be interested, but hey. It’s been bouncing around in my head for a long time, and if this helps me or anyone who might come across it, I suppose it’s worth it. I’m going to put a read more here so that this doesn’t kill people’s dashes, since I have a feeling this is going to end up being long and rambly, but...here we go.

I’m not actually sure when my first symptoms showed up. It’s possible that I had some form of mental illness almost as far back as I can remember? I remember being in preschool and having a fear of wetting my pants for an entire day, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t seem to get the thought out of my mind. In first grade, I remember being seized by a fear that I would start swearing at the top of my lungs in the middle of class. I didn’t, but it popped into my head, and that felt bad enough. A couple of times in 2nd/3rd grade, I had difficulty falling asleep because I couldn’t stop worrying about trying to get to sleep, and I would keep repeatedly counting out how many hours of sleep I would get if I fell asleep right then, and if it would be ‘enough sleep’.

So yeah. I always was a worrywart, it seems like.

I feel like I should note that I went to Catholic school from kindergarten through 2nd grade. I should also note that I’m fairly certain my experiences with religion shaped some of my first experiences with mental illness. This is not to say anything against anyone who is religious - I respect you and your faith. However, certain things I learned through religion...didn’t exactly help me, with how my mind worked.

In Catholic school, confession is a thing. You go in front of a priest and tell him your sins, and he gives you a way to seek penance for it. Usually repeating a certain prayer a certain number of times, or something along those lines. I dunno, it’s been a LONG time since I’ve actually done it. I’m agnostic now, so I don’t exactly go to church.

The reason I bring this up? 

My experiences when I was younger MAY have qualified as mental illness. I’m not 100% certain. What began near the end of 3rd grade? There is NO doubt about that.

It was Good Friday 1998. I was 8, soon to be 9. The reason I brought up my religious background is this - a religion related discussion precipitated my heardfirst dive into obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m pretty sure the comment was relatively harmless in hindsight, my mom making a comment about how Jesus died for our sins or something like that. All I know is that I suddenly found myself besieged by an overwhelming guilt as I thought about everything ‘bad’ I’d done in my life. Saying bad words, sneaking candy when I was 4 years old, all of it kept jumping to the forefront of my mind, and I felt like I had to confess it all to my parents as it came to my mind. I’m not sure how long this lasted...probably only a couple of weeks, honestly, but it wasn’t fun.

Also, the weirdest things became concerns of mine at that point. I had to make certain not to stick my middle finger out too far, or else I was afraid that I’d accidentally flip someone off, which I knew was bad. I didn’t want to say words like ‘wash it’ because...well, the end of the word wash combined with the word it sounded like ‘shit’ and ‘oh no bad word!’.

...I hate to say it, but this was only the beginning.

My mom and I were praying at one point at night when a really bad thought popped into my head. I was terrified, because what if it came true because I thought it while I was praying? And I didn’t really want to talk about it with anyone, because it was so horrible that I didn’t want anyone to know about it.

This continued for much of fourth grade. I was afraid I would hurt my mother. I didn’t actually want to, of course - I recognize now that these were what are known as intrusive thoughts, but there aren’t many nine year olds who know that now, let alone in the late 90s when I was experiencing all of this.

I recall being afraid to even touch knives, if that tells you anything.

I would also pray. By this point I recognized that what I was doing was ‘weird’, so I found ways to hide what I was doing. I would go into a room by myself and go through my routine, or I would do my daily ‘prayer’ in the shower.

...here’s why this was an issue.

I wasn’t just saying a quick prayer. I had an entire script memorized, that had to be said exactly the right way or I’d have to repeat it all over again. And it wasn’t a quick script either. And I often WOULD have to repeat it all over again. I recall at least one point where my parents actually made a comment about how long I spent in the shower, and the water grew cold with how long I spent in there. I didn’t tell them why, because I knew it was weird

That particular phase reached a boiling point one night when I was watching The Lion King. Here, I feel I should note that The Lion King was my favorite movie when I was younger. It came out when I was 5 years old, and I was Simba for Halloween in kindergarten. I had Simba and Nala stuffed animals, a Simba windbreaker with matching pants (yes, windbreaker..it was the 90s, okay?) that I took my school picture in, a Lion King casette tape, Lion King sheets on my bed...

You get the picture.

I bawled my eyes out during that movie, and while yes, I did often cry at certain scenes in that movie, for obvious reasons...this was different. This was almost hysterical crying, and my parents knew there was something wrong. They managed to finally coax me to admit my fears, and that seeing Simba accused of what happened to Mufasa in that movie was...well, it was a little too close for comfort.

Talking to my parents helped. I still had worries, of course, but my next big flare up didn’t happen until 5th grade.

Once again, the thing that set it off should have been something that didn’t affect me. It wouldn’t affect most people. 

A girl in my gym class cut her knee on one of those rolly scooters that you’d sit on and roll around on in gym class. Obviously not the greatest thing, but you wouldn’t think it would be something that would set someone off...would you?

Ahahaha. Yeaaaaaaaaah right.

To preface, some of this was due to ignorance on my part. I was 10, I didn’t know the details as to how the disease I was so afraid of was transmitted. I only knew that you could get it from blood, and there was blood on the floor in gym class. So then I started worrying that I might have gotten it on my shoes. Then, that anything my shoes touched could have gotten something on them. Then my clothes. Then...

You, uh, get the picture.

I was afraid that anything I touched would give me AIDS. X_X Again, I KNOW now that it doesn’t work that way. I also know that even with other diseases, those pathogens eventually DIE outside of the body, so you don’t have to worry about your shoes being contaminated with the same virus two weeks later. But, again, I was 10. I actually learned shortly after this the truth of how AIDS is spread.

Anyway, this was one of the points where my OCD was most stereotypical. I washed my hands constantly. Obviously my parents noticed, and they tried to poke and prod into WHY I was doing this. Once again, my shame and fear and recognizing that what I was doing was ‘weird’ led me to hide the truth to some extent. We’d watched Johnny Tremaine in class and my dad mentioned that after he watched that movie he’d been afraid that his hand would get disfigured like one of the characters’ in the movie’s hands did. So I claimed that I feared something similar, and that was why I was washing my hands.

I’m pretty sure, looking back, that he probably didn’t buy that.

6th grade came. My mom had surgery. My best friend had diabetes. Neither of these were their fault, of course, but both I’m fairly certain had an impact on my already anxious mind. I started worrying that I would develop diabetes like my friend had. Now, I was old enough at this point to understand that diabetes wasn’t contagious, so at least I wasn’t worried about contracting it from my friend. I was, however, afraid of contracting other diseases, so...yep, the hand washing continued. We also happened to have this lovely book of illnesses from the 80s that my parents bought with an encyclopedia set way back that I spent way too much time reading. Actually, reading that became one of my compulsions. There was an entry that I would read through every night before I went to bed. The same entry.

My mom wound up in the hospital with chest pains a couple of weeks after surgery. They sent her home with a diagnosis of acid reflux. It was 2 in the morning and they took me to a side room to see if I could get some sleep. I couldn’t. We were learning about the plague of all things and I couldn’t get the idea that plague bacteria could be lurking anywhere in that room out of my head, so...yep. Didn’t get to sleep until they released my mom out of the ER at 6 or 7 in the morning.

I started fearing heart attacks around this point. I would literally feel for my heartbeat several times a day, just to make sure my heart was still beating. 

Christmas that year was...stressful. My mom was still recovering from her surgery, there was family drama, my uncle’s girlfriend had a possible diagnosis of TB so everyone was paranoid of being around him because of THAT, my dad’s side of the family insisted on smoking despite the fact that being around smoke made me feel blah...

Still, that was a walk in the park compared to New Years.

We were invited to a neighbor’s New Years Eve party. Everything was fine until I walked in the door.

I still don’t entirely know how to describe the feeling that came over me. 11-year-old me summed it up as ‘I feel like I’m going to pass out’. I tried to continue as if everything was normal. I didn’t want to disrupt the party. The neighbor’s toddler daughter, who liked showing off for the ‘big kid’, wanted to show me a dance or something that she’d learned.

The feeling didn’t go away. I told my mom I wanted to go home, that I still felt like I was going to pass out.

We made it back home. I remember pleading with my mom to take me to the doctor, because I was honestly afraid there was something seriously wrong with me. The feeling eventually abated, but not without my discovering something quite interesting.

Remember that childhood illnesses book? When I read it, I usually stuck to certain communicable diseases that I was concerned about, or things like the diabetes that my best friend struggled with. My mom was looking through the book trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and started reading a definition that stood out to me. I don’t recall what all it said, and we no longer have that book (as it would be over 30 years old at this point). One thing I do recall was that she read something along the lines of ‘feeling like you’re going crazy or dying’.

It was under the heading of ‘panic attack’.

That New Years was the only New Years I can ever recall NOT staying up until or past midnight.

I ended up getting a fever a few days later, and in the midst of my fever, my delirious mind pounced on my fears and kept asking me ‘what if you really do want to hurt somebody?’ I was shaking uncontrollably, not realizing that I had chills and a fever, and ran into my mom’s room sobbing and telling her I thought I was going crazy. She felt my forehead and told me I was burning up.

You can understand why, when it was time to return back to school after Christmas break, I was uneasy as my mom pulled up to the curb to drop me off. I was afraid that I’d get a headache, or that I’d feel like I was going to pass out again, or any of the multiple things that seemed to be wrong with me recently. Of course, I had to pull up my big girl panties and still go to school, but...I started to become afraid to do things, out of fear that they would ‘set me off’, that something like what happened at that New Years Eve party would happen again.

And it did.

Not right away, of course. I didn’t walk into school and have it happen right away. It happened once in gym class. It happened at a school party. It happened when my parents were driving.

It happened twice in one day, at the beginning of 7th grade. To be fair, though, there were special circumstances that day. One instance was precipitated by a mental picture in my head of a plane crashing into our school, if that gives you some idea. Needless to say, even the adults seemed confused and panicky that day, and given how I was already..yeah, it wasn’t any surprise that 9/11 left me particularly frazzled. 

The summer between 9th grade and 10th grade was quite possibly the worst. I spent hours doing my various ‘rituals’ that I had to do each day. By this time, I was already getting involved with online fandoms, and every day before I could actually posted what I wanted to on the Harry Potter forum I was on, I had to post certain posts over and over again. By this point, I more than suspected I had OCD.

I actually mentioned it to someone on the board, who pretty much laughed and said. ‘You don’t have it. If you had it, it would be noticeable’.

...like it wasn’t? Did they think I was posting the same thing over and over again for fun? I was doing rituals until 1 and 2 in the morning for pete’s sake.

This was honestly the pattern off and on through high school. 11th grade was particularly awkward, as it began to affect my grades. Certain readings in American Lit would give me ‘weird feelings’, and I couldn’t bring myself to finish the assignments for them for that reason. 

The summer between 11th and 12th grade was when things hit a head. I developed a thing for straightening shelves in stores, and my dad was poking fun at me doing it at one point. I love my dad, but he can be particularly harsh when he teases, and by that point I was already in a bad position.

I burst into tears in the middle of Walmart. Not one of my proudest moments.

That said...it gave me the impetus to finally go to my parents about what was wrong. I knew I’d needed therapy for a few years prior to this point, I’d just never worked up the courage to talk to them about it.

The first part of the conversation actually went how I feared. My parents thought it was like the diseases I looked up as a child and would come into their room telling them I feared I’d get it (...ironically, I did that BECAUSE of this disorder, but moving on). 

I left the room crying and began to write out my experience year after year, much as I did here (though probably not quite as eloquently...I was 17 at the time, after all). Once my parents read THAT, they finally realized how much this was impacting my life, and agreed to take me to the doctor.

Not only that, but they confessed that they did similar things. Now both of them admit to having OCD to some extent, and it’s pretty darn obvious that much of my family struggles with anxiety and/or OCD...on both sides.

Sad thing is? It took until the millennials (me and my cousin on my dad’s side) and Gen Z (a cousin on my mom’s side) before anyone actually sought help for any of this. X_X 

I’m not going to pretend that I went to therapy and things magically got better. Therapy did help. I stopped therapy when I was 19, because my therapist was about to have a baby. I never went back to see her after that, figuring I was doing better at that point.

Of course, the ensuing decade after that was full of ups and downs.

2016 is probably when things began to get extra difficult again. I began to experience tremors. I would get dizzy/have palpitations. My doctor sent me to see a cardiologist and a neurologist.

They ran their tests, determined there was nothing physically wrong with me. The tremors, dizziness, and palpitations were new manifestations of my anxiety. At some point (not 100% sure when), I also gained a diagnosis of GAD.

Last year, I finally began to see a therapist yet again (the 2017-2018 flu season scared me particularly badly, and I still have a paranoia because of it), and started a new medication. Has everything gotten completely better?

No, but it has improved some from where it was prior to that point. I’m still working on it, and I’ll probably be working on it in some way, shape, or form for my entire life.

But hey, at least I can be more open about it now. And I know that I’m not alone, and that makes a huge difference as well <3

[forgetfulfrost-blog]

Memory Fragments from the Mist: A Child of the Snow

[[ A little drabble for that memory Rexis recalled during this lovely RP. A smol Rexis in the snow and/or with a pet is a happy Rexis. Enjoy~ ]]

Rexis grumbled in his seat as he stared out the window. Despite being born and raised on Venus, the ten-year-old hated how hot it was for the most part, save for the places that the Orokin had made cold. Why couldn’t he have been born on a cold planet like Pluto? Or among the water cities of Neptune? He loved visiting those places with his parents on business trips.

But Venus or Mercury? He hated both places but that was where his parents worked most often. Earth and Mars were hit or miss, but that depended on the location. Lua was also nice, but he was never allowed to wander there. Then again, he wasn’t usually allowed to wander anywhere. The only times he could was if invited by someone to wander with them when his parents made a house call.

He knew house calls meant someone was quite ill, but he liked them because he usually got to interact with other children his age. At least, he was usually allowed to explore and play with them in their home and the immediate area around while he was there. Unfortunately, this time the one who was ill was the only child of the family. He felt bad for the other child, but he was bored out of his mind.

Rexis was trying to behave himself as instructed. The only thing that encouraged the ten-year-old’s discipline at current was the promise he had made his dad and the one his dad made to him in return. That if he was good and didn’t cause a fuss, they would go to visit the snowy hills of Venus during the warm cycle that afternoon.

If there was one thing his parents could bribe him with, it was going there. He loved way the snow felt, the way that the coolant glimmered like liquid crystal, and he especially loved finding and watching the Virminks and Bolarolas wander around.

In his boredom, he started humming a song that his mom had recently started teaching him, trying to distract himself from the heat that radiated through the window. He wanted to get up and move to someplace cooler, but he was told to sit there. So he sat and waited.

After what felt like an eternity to the child, Rexis’ patience was finally rewarded when his parents came out to the sitting room. The mother of the other child thanking them for their help as his dad gave her final instructions for helping her child recover. Rexis’ mom came over to him with a warm smile.

“I heard you humming, sweetie. You’re getting better with hitting the right tones~” Melia praised her only child.

Rexis lit up. “Thanks mom!” He hopped up from the seat, eager to get going. But he knew his manners in front of others, especially others of the high class and nobility. “Will he be alright though?”

Melia ran a hand over Rexis’s soft, blonde hair reassuringly. “He will be fine. Don’t worry, sweetie.”

“That’s good!” The ten-year-old cheered as his father came over.

“Well, we’re done here for now. We’ll come back in a few days to follow up on his condition.” Kevir informed Melia as he led the way towards the door. Once outside and headed for their Liset, he then looked to Rexis with a smile. “Thank you for waiting patiently, Rexis. I do believe there is now a snow-covered landscape to visit after lunch.”

“Yes, please!” Rexis’s cerulean eyes sparkled in excitement and his parents laughed lightly as they headed for home.

That afternoon, the Glaciras made their way to the area designated for the public among Venus’s frozen terraformed landscape. Melia barely managed to get Rexis’ gloves on before he sprinted down the Liset’s ramp and into the snow, laughing the entire way. Melia and Kevir followed more slowly, her arm looped around his as they happily watched their child play in the snow.

“Rexis!” Melia started running towards Rexis when she saw him fall face-first into the snow.

Rexis quickly raised a hand with a tiny thumbs-up before flopping over onto his back, laughing as he made a snow-angel. His laughter stopped when a snowball landed on his stomach. He sat up and looked around, spotting his father putting together another one. “Hey!!” Rexis scrambled to his feet and attempted to put together a snow ball with his tiny hands, keeping an eye out for the next one to be thrown his way. He barely ducked under it before tossing the one he made. Unfortunately, it fell short and he stomped forward to be closer, scooping up more snow to make another.

“If you two are going to get rough, count me out!” Melia stepped aside while laughing, putting some space between herself and her husband, who was making another snowball.

Kevir waited until Rexis’ next snowball hit him before gently tossing the one he just made. Rexis didn’t move in time and it landed on the young boy’s head, dusting his blonde hair in more snow crystals.

“Brrrrr!” Rexis shook his head to shake off the excess snow before rushing towards his dad. He reached down and scooped a bunch of snow with his hands and flung it into the air at his dad, creating a mini cloud of snow.

Kevir laughed as he was dusted in snow before returning the favor. The two continued this for a few minutes, Melia laughing lightly at the scene, before Rexis suddenly stopped.

“Hmm? What’s wrong, sweetie?” Melia asked first, worried.

“Did you hear that?” Rexis looked around, searching for the source of the noise he heard.

Kevir and Melia both stopped and listened, the faint whistle of the wind was all that was heard until what sounded like quiet whimpering reached them.

“There it is again!” Rexis commented before running to where he believed was the source. Kevir and Melia followed and after a few minutes, the three found an injured Red-Crested Virmink cowering among the shelter of some rocks, the snow around it stained a brighter red than its fur.

“Aw… Hey little buddy…” Rexis said gently as he started to kneel nearby it. He kept a distance away just in case it lashed out, but he slowly reached a hand out towards it.

“Rex-!” Kevir started to scold him for getting near the injured animal but Melia placed a hand on her husband’s arm, silencing him.

The Virmink whimpered and shrunk back against the rock.

Rexis paused his movement, letting his hand linger in the air in front of it. “Shhh… Shhh… It’s ok. I’ll keep you safe. Let me help you…” He honestly didn’t know if the Virmink understood as he had only watched them from afar. But he kept his tone light and quiet, trying to show the Virmink that he wasn’t going to hurt it.

After sitting there in tense silence for a moment, the Virmink rewarded his patience by sniffing his hand a moment before shifting positions, exposing its injured hind leg. Very slowly, Rexis pulled off his scarf and slowly shuffled over to the Virmink close enough to gently wrap its leg. He paused every time the Virmink seemed to flinch, gently reassuring it before continuing until he had wrapped as much of the injury up as he could with his small scarf. The Virmink sniffed at the scarf when he pulled his hands away before it tried to get up. As it flopped back down into the snow, Rexis gently scolded it.

“No, no. It has to heal before you can walk around. I was just stopping the bleeding… Um…” He looked back to his parents worried. “Can… can we bring it home? Erm… just until it heals?”

Kevir furrowed his eyebrows while Melia put a hand to her chin in thought.

“Alright, we’ll bring it to a vet and see what they have to say.” Melia answered.

“Melia! It’s a wild animal! Let nature take its course.” Kevir said in a hushed tone, frowning deeply at her.

Melia shot him a look and kept her tone hushed as well. “How can you say that when it’s our family’s occupation to take care of the sick and injured? It hasn’t harmed Rexis and it seems to be one that is more docile than other Virmink. That’s probably why it got injured. See the trail?” She pointed to red-dotted snow that lead all the way back to a distant cave. “It must have run instead of fighting back.”

At the harsh hushed tones, the Virmink shifted slightly such that it pressed against the young boy’s back. Rexis felt it shaking against him, whether it was in fear or from the cold on its injury, he wasn’t sure. Trying to reassure it, the boy reached back and gently pet its soft fur. It froze for a moment at the unfamiliar touch before it pressed gently into his hand, eyes closing slightly from the nice feeling.

Kevir grumbled. “Fine. Just until it’s recovered.”

Melia smiled. “Thank you, honey.” She turned to Rexis and the Virmink, a look of surprise crossing her face as she watched Rexis pet it. She gave her son a gentle smile. “We’ll bring it home, Rex, and make sure it gets the care it needs.”

“Thank you!” Rexis chimed before looking to the Virmink. “We’ll take good care of you. Mom and Dad are amazing doctors.” He gave it more reassuring pats before slowly standing as to not startle it. It tried to stand again but before it flopped back down, Rexis gently steadied it. “Come on, Minky.”

“You named it already?” Kevir gave his son a dumbfounded look.

“I gotta call Minky something other than ‘the Virmink’ or ‘it’ all the time. I don’t know if Minky is a boy or girl yet.” Rexis countered as he encouraged his new furry friend to take a few steps forward towards his parents. The Virmink resisted a bit and Rexis gave Minky a reassuring smile and pet it again. “It’s ok, they won’t hurt you.”

After hesitating a moment longer, the Virmink finally moved with the young boy as he guided it to his parents and then on to their ship. Rexis held it close the entire ride to the vet’s and then stayed close, reassuring it as the surprised vet examined it.

“Nothing life threatening, but the ligaments are damaged. She won’t be able to run or walk properly for a long time. I could do a quick surgery to help with that, but since she’s a wild animal I don’t know if it’s worth it to you or not,” the vet, Christine, explained.

Rexis looked to his parents with quiet, pleading eyes as he pet the sedated Virmink on the table.

“You know, we have been talking about getting him a pet to keep him company…” Melia gently reminded her husband with an amused smile. “And since she’s so docile and the possible runt of a litter, per what Christine said earlier, she may not survive being put back out to the wild.”

“But it’s a wild animal, the wild is where it belongs.” Kevir countered. “It could have some disease for all we know, and we’ve let our child handle it this entire time.”

“Other than the injury she seems to be clean and in good health. While rare, you are not the first ones I’ve seen with a pet Virmink, probably not the last,” Christine answered the unsaid question.

Kevir looked between the vet, his wife, his son, and then the Virmink in question. With a sigh, he shrugged and chuckled. “I seem to be vastly outnumbered here.” He then looked back to Christine and gave a nod. “Alright, we’ll go through with the surgery. And give her any shots she needs.”

Rexis gave his dad a bright smile. “Thank you!” He then turned to the half-asleep Virmink. “You hear that, Minky? You’ll be better soon.” He kept gently petting Minky until she was taken away for the surgery.

Rexis sat in the waiting room with his parents as they discussed his new responsibilities as a pet owner. With the recommendations of the secretary nurse, they also created a shopping list of things to get from the pet store later. After the surgery, they borrowed an empty carrier to bring Minky home. Leaving Rexis and Melia to get Minky settled in to rest, Kevir went and returned the carrier before getting the pet supplies.

Minky was bright-eyed and actively looking around when Kevir returned, but she tucked her ears down and whimpered from her makeshift pet bed of soft blankets upon seeing him.

“Dad, come say hi to Minky. You gotta show her that you’re not gonna hurt her.” Rexis piped up from the living room as Kevir put all the pet supplies down in the kitchen. He had stayed next to Minky the entire time, gently petting her and finger brushing her fur as it had dried slightly matted from the quick rinse-off at the vet’s.

Kevir chuckled. “I should, shouldn’t I? Seeing as how Minky is now a part of the family.”

As Kevir came over, Minky coward a bit more. She was immobile with the cast on her back leg, so she tucked her face under Rexis’ arm.

With as gentle a tone as his baritone voice could muster, Kevir knelt beside his son. “Hey, Minky. It’s alright… I may have been upset earlier, but it wasn’t towards you.” He carefully, gently pet the soft fur of the Virmink, stroking down her neck to her back. After a moment of this, she slowly moved from under Rexis’ arm and the man stopped petting her, unsure of what she was doing. He held his outstretched hand still as she sniffed it before she pressed her head to his palm. He chuckled softly and continued petting her. “She really is a beautiful creature,” he commented, taking a closer look at the coloration of her fur.

“I’m glad we found her and not something or someone else.” Rexis commented as he gave her a hug, nuzzling his face into the soft fur of her neck before pulling away a touch, wrinkling his nose. “Though she could use a bath. Mom and I wanted to give one to her once you got back cus we don’t know how she’ll react.”

“Let’s get her settled in a little more before we surprise her with something like that.” Kevir pointed out. “We can get everything else set up for her in the meantime.”

“Oooh, ok!” Rexis beamed and followed his dad around the house as they prepared it for their new family member. 

The ten-year-old was excited to have Minky as his first pet, promising his parents over and over that he would take good care of her. In turn, he promised Minky that as soon as she could move again, he would take her out to run around in the snow of Venus together as often as their hearts desired. 

A few weeks later, the blonde young boy and his red-furred virmink were playing in the freshly fallen snow among the hills of Venus, as promised.

[chokememrstark]

The Soulmate Sam Never Asked For // Part 9

Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)

Words: 3109 (Chapter 9 / 12)

Fic Summary: A successful operation and good prognoses for his own and Raphael's recovery made Sam believe this would finally be the turnpoint for their bad luck. However, he's quickly realizing they still have a long way to go when Lucifer calls him in the middle of the night, asking for shelter.

college!AU, human!AU, soulmates!AU, dysfunctional families, abusive parents, dramatic romance, or romantic drama, your choice, big brother!Lucifer, soulmates hating each other, referenced alcoholism, death and abuse, some violence, and lots of feels, fluff and cuteness, some drama but not too much, lots of bickering, and two damn stubborn soulmates (!!)

Tagging: @shebahda   @sassysupernaturalsweetheart    @spnyoucantkeepmedown  @brieflymaximumprincess @multifandomhcsforinsanity @etysky @justasmalltownsuperwholock @humongouscandycoffee @daddycasstiel @nnegann

If you want off the tag list or want to be added, just drop me an ask or IM!

Read on AO3!

 The next day, everything went much faster than Sam had expected. At eight, a nurse came into their room and explained the procedure - Sam and Raphael would be operated at the same time, but doctor Francis would take over Raphael as soon as the kidney was ready to transplant and Sam would be done a bit sooner. The two boys nodded in agreement and smiled at each other. They came to pick them both up about ten minutes later and Sam saw how damn nervous Lucifer was. Sam assured him again that everything would be alright before he was rolled out too and Lucifer nodded weakly in return.

 The anaesthetist showed up quickly, explaining to Sam that he would be asleep in a bit and that the doctor would take good care of him, but he wasn’t very worried. He had talked a lot with doctor Francis and the man seemed to be very good at his job; Sam trusted him with this. All he asked for was that they’d do their best and the anaesthetist promised him that they would. Sam thought the injection of the anaesthetic was the worst, after that it only took a few minutes before his eyes began to feel heavy and he slowly drifted away into a dreamless, deep slumber.

 When Sam began to regain his consciousness around three hours later, it was a slow process and it felt strange because he knew he was conscious again, but he still couldn’t give any sign that he actually was. There was a certain pressure at his left hand, as if someone was holding and squeezing it frequently, but he didn’t know who it was. He liked the feeling, however. It was kind of reassuring and helped him wake up sooner, even if it sounded weird. It took another twenty minutes before Sam finally managed to open his eyes completely, which was a huge effort and he immediately realized that he felt very weak and worn out. Still, he had never been more relieved to wake up.

 “Sam!” a familiar voice sounded and not even a second later Lucifer’s face appeared and the pressure at his hand came back. “Finally, you’re awake! I was starting to worry.”

 “I lived, bitch…” Sam croaked weakly and with a cracking voice. Despite that, Lucifer smiled.

 “Yeah, you sure do,” he chuckled.

 Lucifer sat down next to the bed and gave Sam the time to properly wake up, even though it was still more of a half-awake, half-asleep state he remained in for a while. Sam didn’t notice that, however. He was content for the moment, that was what mattered.

 “The nurse said everything went well,” Lucifer smiled at Sam at one point, squeezing his hand again. “Raphael will be done soon too. It’ll be okay, like you said.”

 “Of course it’ll be,” Sam smiled silly and patted Lucifer’s hand with his free one. “You should listen to me, you know? I know what I’m talking about.”

 “Apparently,” Lucifer replied with a smirk. “How do you feel?”

 “Funny,” Sam said and chuckled. “It tickles… you know, down there.” He jerked his head a bit, signing into the direction of his hips. “Feels a bit empty too, but that’s fine.”

 “I’m sure it’ll be okay again soon,” Lucifer assured him. “You did something amazing today, Sam. I can’t tell you how happy I am about your decision.”

 “Oh please,” Sam waved his hand weakly. “If it were the other way around I’m sure you would’ve done the same. He’ll be okay, right? That’s all that matters.”

 “You’re truly a number,” Lucifer said and patted Sam’s hand gently. “You gave Raph another chance, I can’t thank you enough for that.”

 “Forget it,” Sam grinned. “He deserves it.”

 Before Lucifer could answer the door to the recovery room opened and two nurses brought in the second patient. Lucifer gave Sam a quick glance, who nodded in return and then quickly rushed to Raphael’s side.

 “Did everything go well?” he immediately asked, taking one of his hands.

 “Yes,” the nurse, Karen, replied with a bright smile. “Doctor Francis will come here in a few minutes to talk to you, but everything went perfectly fine. He’ll be better soon.”

 Lucifer’s relief couldn’t have been more visible when the nurses left. Sam knew he wasn’t fully conscious yet, but even he could see that. And while he looked at Lucifer, he felt a strange and new warmth crawl up in his chest. He didn’t know where it came from, but he figured it came from the happiness he felt about Raphael’s successful surgery. The two were silent until the doctor finally came, Sam focused on looking at the brothers and Lucifer on paying attention to Raphael.

 “The surgery was a great success!” Doctor Francis exclaimed as he walked in.

 “So, they’ll be alright?” Lucifer asked and doctor Francis nodded.

 “We are very positive about that. Raphael will wake up soon, when he does we will have to go through some tests again, but the kidney already began to work after we transplanted it, so we’re very optimistic.”

 “That didn’t happen before,” Lucifer said quietly and looked at his brother.

 “Yes and it’s a good sign. It means his body accepts the new kidney so far.”

 “Doctor,” Sam said, drawing the man’s attention at him. “Will he be able to leave again soon?”

 “He’ll have to stay here for a while longer, but if everything goes well he’ll be able to leave within a month.”

 “Awesome.” Sam smiled and laid back down on the pillow.

 “Thank you, doctor!” Lucifer said and jumped up, taking the man’s hand. “You saved my brother’s life, I can’t thank you enough!”

 “It was my pleasure,” doctor Francis smiled and grabbed Lucifer’s hand tightly. “Now, let’s wait for him to recover, so you all can go back to your normal life, shall we?.”

 Lucifer nodded and Sam smiled over in his bed.

 The following week, the two boys stayed in the same room. Raphael had to undergo several tests for the first few days, but he never complained and always assured Sam that he felt much better than after his last transplant - Sam only had to be examined every few days, to make sure the stitches were healing well. Lucifer was there almost the entire time, which obviously helped both boys to feel better.

 During this week, Sam unconsciously began to enjoy Lucifer’s presence. Not in an emotional way, but in a physical one. He was used to having the blond around at least once a day, but being in the same room for so long and talking and interacting as much as they did kind of made it almost normal that he was there. He couldn’t explain it any better, but Lucifer kind of grew on him. When the doctor told Sam that he was free to leave, he was actually a little sad.

 “Cheer up, buttercup,” Lucifer grinned when the doctor had left. “You can come visit us whenever you want.”

 “Yeah, I’m gonna do that,” Sam smiled. Raphael was reading a book at the moment, so he used the opportunity to do something he wanted to for a while already. “Hey, Lucifer, can we talk alone for a moment?”

 “Sure?” Lucifer replied a little confused. “I’ll be right back, Raph.”

 “Take your time,” Raphael mumbled, almost whispering, completely drawn into the world in his hands.

 After Lucifer had closed the door behind them, Sam decided to not sugar coat anything and get to the point right away.

 “You can’t live like this any longer,” he said seriously, earning an even more confused glance.

 “What do you mean?”

 “You live around half an hour away from here, with a taxi, don’t you?” Sam asked. “You keep going back home and come here every day, that must be draining. And you keep going back to your dad, that’s bad too.”

 “If you have a better solution just tell me,” Lucifer huffed. “I can’t afford to stay here every night.”

 “Of course I have one, just sleep at my dorm room,” Sam suggested. “I have no roommate, so why not? It’s only twenty minutes away if you walk, it’s much closer.”

 “Are you asking me to live with you?” Lucifer asked and raised a brow. “Are you drunk?”

 “I’m just being rational, Lucifer,” Sam sighed. “I have the space and I need to go back anyways, so why not? There’s a spare bed, you won’t have to see your dad and we can get back to campus in the evening together. I don’t see a problem, really.”

 “Sam, seriously..:” Lucifer stopped himself from continuing, shook his head and tried again. “Look, I’m flattered you suggest this, but don’t you think that’s taking it a bit too far? Won’t you get into trouble?”

 “Not really,” Sam shrugged. “I can have a guest for up to five days and really, they don’t give a shit. I didn’t get a roommate for months and if they do pair me up with one we’ll find another solution. I’m not asking you to jump your bones, okay? I just wanna help you out to see your brother more easily.”

 “Well, thanks,” Lucifer smirked and scratched his neck. “I have to admit it sucks going back home since dad is there again. I’d love some nights without his bullshit, really.”

 “Then why not?” Sam asked. “You can leave whenever you want, no problem. And I’m not gonna party, I can assure you that.”

 “I’m sure you don’t,” Lucifer laughed. “So, you really mean it, yeah?”

 “Sure,” Sam shrugged. “I don’t mind a roommate that knows how to behave, if you won’t bring girls to the room every night or smoke pot we’re good.”

 “Yeah, none of that, really, ” Lucifer grinned. “I prefer my silence.”

 “Just think about it then, okay?” Sam suggested. “Might take some stress away after all.”

 “Yeah, that’s true,” Lucifer smiled. “I’ll think about it, promised.”

 “That’s all I ask for.”

 Sam knew his offer was weird and very surprising, but he had no ulterior motives when suggesting this. Talking with Lucifer throughout the last week made it clear that the blond hated going back to his dad every night - if Sam had the chance to change that, why not take it?

 “Just tell me if you wanna come over, okay?” Sam asked, smiling. “You got my number, just call and I’ll get your bed ready.”

 “Thank you, Sam,” Lucifer smiled back. “I really appreciate it.”

 Sam nodded, satisfied for the moment with Lucifer’s answer. He didn’t expect Lucifer to agree right away of course, but he knew the other didn’t want to go back to his dad again and again, it was very obvious. If Lucifer wanted to take his offer, he’d let him know.

 Since he was allowed to leave and really had to catch back up with school, Sam said goodbye to the brothers in the evening. It was Thursday by now and it was of no use to go back to class for one day, so Sam decided to use the day he had and the upcoming weekend to take care of the most important things. When he left he wasn’t sure if Lucifer would accept his offer or not - he was still very hesitant about it - but Sam assured him again that it would be fine if he’d call any time he wanted to. He promised Raphael to be back on Friday or Saturday, depending on the work he had to do, and left when the sun began to set.

 Coming back rather late meant Sam walked through empty corridors, but it was nothing he minded at all. It was actually very relieving to not answer any questions or be held back by someone wanting to chat. When he finally arrived at his room he didn’t feel like catching up with his work though, so he laid down and almost immediately fell asleep. The hospital bed had been fine, but sleeping in his own bed was a whole different thing and Sam didn’t realize how much he had missed it until he pulled the blanket up and closed his eyes.

 Sam was ripped forcefully out of his peaceful slumber, however, when his phone suddenly rang. He didn’t bother checking the time before taking the call, didn’t even wake up properly, until he heard the voice at the other end.

 “Sam? Were you serious with your offer?”

 Sam blinked and sat up in his bed, finally glancing over at his clock that revealed it was shortly after two in the morning. He quickly shook his head and ran a hand through his hair.

 “Yeah, of course,” he replied.

 “Well, I might have to take you up on that.”

 “Okay, yeah, just come over whenever.” Sam was surprised, but he wasn’t going to back out on his offer. “I’ll get everything ready and-”

 “Doesn’t matter,” Lucifer interrupted him and only now Sam realized how heavy his voice sounded. “Can you come outside? I’m already here.”

 “Shit, really?” Sam jumped out of bed almost right away. “Okay, gimme a minute to get dressed, alright? Where are you? I’m gonna pick you up.”

 “Right in front of the dorm door, sorry for waking you up.”

 “Oh forget it, I’ll be there in a minute!”

 It turned out to be five minutes instead, but Sam hurried the best he could. He even went out of his room bare-chested and only slipped into his shirt on the way downstairs. The call was surprising enough, but the tone of the other’s voice was more worrying than the time he called, and when Sam opened the door and his eyes fell on a rain-drenched Lucifer he knew that this was more of an emergency than he thought at first. Not only was the blond soaked from head to toes, but his face showed that he had a pretty rough time before, as once again a black eye began to form and his left cheek was decorated with a huge cut. Sam also spotted strange markings on Lucifer’s neck and throat, which looked even worse to him.

 “Lucifer, my God!” Sam grabbed Lucifer’s arm and pulled him inside as fast as he could and closed the doors behind them. “What on earth happened to you?”

 “I guess it was a bad idea  to ask my drunk-ass dad if he planned to shut up anytime soon because I wanted to sleep,” Lucifer grinned and Sam had never wanted to punch him more in his life. Instead, he shook his head and pulled Lucifer inside and into the direction of his room.

 “You’ve got a death wish, seriously,” Sam said on the way, unable to stop shaking his head. “Why do you even provoke him? You know he won’t hesitate to use his fists!”

 “Because he’s a bastard that deserves it?”

 “And you deserve this or what?”

 Lucifer merely shrugged as an answer, which Sam took as a sign that he didn’t want to talk about this any longer. Luckily they didn’t meet anyone on their way, so when they finally arrived at Sam’s room no one noticed the breaking of the house rules - which clearly stated no overnight guests - and he could lock the door in peace.

 “Just look at you,” Sam eventually sighed when they were safe inside. “Now I have to patch you up again and you’ll surely scare Raphael tomorrow!”

 “Sorry for causing you so much trouble,” Lucifer said, to which Sam had no reply. He wanted to be mad, really, but after everything they’ve been through he just couldn’t. Apparently Lucifer’s bad behavior had grown on him as much as the good part, not something he had expected but there was nothing to do about it now.

 After patching Lucifer up the best he could and making the bed ready for him it was already past three, but Sam didn’t mind much. Lucifer kept assuring him that it was nothing and that he wouldn’t stay long, but to be honest the brunet prepared for the opposite. Because showing up at two in the morning on his doorstep, with nothing more than the things he wore and a black eye? That wasn’t what he called nothing.

 “You’ll stay here as long as you have to,” Sam said sternly as he finished off the bed. “If you think I’ll let you go back to that man you are dead wrong.”

 “Did you suddenly become my legal guardian?” Lucifer asked with a chuckle, to which Sam gave him a stern glare.

 “Do you wanna test me?” he asked, raising a brow. “Or do you wanna go back to that man and take a few more blows?”

 “Nope, I’m fine staying here,” Lucifer quickly said and shook his head. “I’m very glad you didn’t just hang up on me, really.”

 “I’d never do that,” Sam sighed and sat down on his bed, while Lucifer did the same with the newly made one. “I offered you to stay here after all.”

 “I bet you didn’t think I’d take your offer at such an inhumane time, huh?”

 “Not really,” Sam said and yawned behind his hand. “But I didn’t think I would be so okay with it either, so I guess it’s alright.”

 “I promise I won’t bother you much,” Lucifer said seriously. “I’ll be with Raphael most of the time, you’ll barely see me.”

 “I don’t mind seeing you, really,” Sam shrugged. “I kinda got used to your presence. As long as you don’t snore or wake me up at five in the morning we’ll be fine.”

 “I’ll try to keep the snoring to a minimum,” Lucifer smirked and made himself comfortable on the second bed. “But I can say that I got used to your presence too. You’re not half as bad as I thought you were.”

 “Thanks,” Sam laughed and laid back down. “You’re not either. And now, let’s try to get a few hours of sleep, okay?”

 Lucifer nodded and Sam took that as a sign to turn off the lights. He had said the truth when he told Lucifer he didn’t mind, but he was still very tired, there was no denying that, and Lucifer seemed to be in desperate need of some sleep himself. It didn’t feel strange that they were sleeping in the same room again, even though this time they were alone. He had gotten kind of used to having Lucifer around and even now in this unfamiliar situation it was alright with Sam. Of course it was clear that they would need to talk, but that could wait until the next morning.