#despite it being a painful ask

[ridaine]

Stay your pretty eyes on course.

[mirensiart]

The newest pain sharing update is literally just the post about that 6 week old kitten trying his best to take care of a couple 2 week old kittens

Its them

YEEEES, THAT'S THEM !!!!!! OMG

I personally headcanon hyrule to be 16 almost 17, four to be 15 and wind 13 almost 14, so they're all babies lmao

A kitten looking after two kittens being chased by a mountain lion lol

[bitchfitch]

I had a shrink appointment today and while I could not see it I knew my doc was going through the five stages of grief while I explained my fool proof strategy for doing my t shots despite a crippling fear of needles: By abusing my vastly more crippling fear of being an inconvenience.

My mother and I play phasmophobia together every week. she usually has a pretty limited time to do this bc she's like. a doctor and a college professor whos always busy. So I asked her to just. hold me to doing them. We don't start playing until the shot is done. so my needle fear doesn't matter because now it's Wasting™ her time and I have to do it quick. Using one neurosis to defeat another.

It's a horrible coping mechanism because it's feeding the inconvenience fear, but it is definitionally a coping mechanism.

[quins-makeshift-menagerie]

Wait you went through labor unmedicated???? 🤯 How are you not mentally dying from the pain? Was it painful? Did it take a long time?

Uhhhhh hard to say considering I got through a little over half of it before my appointment yesterday morning but it LITERALLY just felt like my typical period cramps and I guess I have a decently high pain tolerance that it was a nonissue for me until I was admitted and further along :’D My chosen pain management didn’t work because I was already so along but by that point it was basically already time for pushing. It definitely hurt but now it’s like 🤷‍♀️

But I spent maybe 10ish hours in labor in the hospital and I wanna say the birth itself took maybe one?

[bnnylvpn]

I was extremely right for this actually

[novelconcepts]

i'm the same anon who asked abt the tattoo, so. you can be as controversial as you want, but could i ask why taivan is not as prominent/noticeable in comparison to shaunahat, or fanon ships? like, your opinion. because, genuinely, as much as i see their scenes and ppl cheering for them, idk, it's not as HARD and LOUD if that makes sense. thank you in advance!

I dunno about controversial--I'm never actively trying to be a shit-starter, I just. My honest take is twofold. One, people are definitely being steered by racism. I mean, I see that just in the way Jasmin is constantly under fire no matter what she does or says. This is a biracial Black queer person (noticed recently she's operating with she/they pronouns, playing in the gender sandbox, and good for them) who is clearly always working so hard to better their world and be a voice for the various minority groups she inhabits, and I feel like I'm just constantly seeing people be awful to and about them. Like, constantly finding excuses to set her aside, or send her the worst messages in the world, and I'm just like. Let this person live, for the love of Christ. The inability to not take unearned ownership of someone else's journey is...insane to me, but I feel like I see it constantly with her. So to have Taissa be this incredibly complex Black woman who is not always likeable, not soft and sweet and constantly striving for other people's approval--yeah, I'm not surprised the fandom ignores her. Furious! Always furious about it! But not surprised.

Van, too, gets set aside an awful lot, and that's obviously not about racism (although the interracial couple aspect is there). I think people are...so volatile about Van in ways that will never make sense to me. Half the time people are calling her a villain, the other half they're calling her boring, and in both cases, those people are just not watching the same show I am. Liv's performance is so nuanced and so carefully escalated, and Lauren is following suit; there is so much going on with this character, with Taissa's character, with their growth together and apart, and...yeah, I dunno, man. I think it's a lot of what Tai says onscreen in season one. They're not what people expect, or what people want them to be, so they get written off as "boring" or less appealing than the noncanon ships. Some of it is the racism, some is the complicated nature of gender and Van's butch qualities, and none of it makes sense to me because those aspects are so much of what I love about Taivan as a ship. Like. They are so real, so multifaceted, so good and so toxic for one another at the same time, and they are played by 3/4ths (at least, I don't know Ambrose's life) openly, proudly queer actors. DUDE. For me, that's the fucking dream.

THAT SAID. My other thought is a lot simpler. And that's just: what happens in canon belongs to the writers, and we get to share it. What happens in fanon belongs solely to fandom. The fanon interpretations of characters can be worlds away from the actuality of those characters onscreen, and I think there's a freedom there that a lot of people really love. Subtext has been the bread and butter of queer audiences for so long that I think a lot of viewers just naturally feel more comfortable in that space, reading between lines and making up the necessary filler as they go. It doesn't hurt that a lot of these characters are white and/or conventionally attractive, but I think it's more to do with...not needing to put the canon of it all at the forefront. Like I love Jackie/Shauna, I love Lottie/Nat, I live for Shauna/Lottie--but they're all subtextual relationships, to various degrees, and so I can just sort of...do whatever with them in stories, so long as I'm feeling the characters out. I personally have a preference for writing fic as close as I can to existing character profile/voice, but that's not for everyone, and I've noticed a lot of the fanon-born ships are...not simpler, necessarily, but simplified. Which, in turn, makes them more palatable. I dunno. I get it! I do. But I will never understand throwing aside the canon queer ship in favor of subtext. That just...ain't my bag.

And then I guess there's a third, less prominent idea of like. Who's the main character of the show? If you had to boil it all down, it's Shauna. She's the POV character, if we have one, from the start. So not only do you have the freedom of fan interpretation, but she's front and center a lot of the time just by the nature of the narrative. And then Natalie is probably the next "main" character, so...that speaks for a lot of the louder ships, I suppose. I'd really love to see more attention on Taissa for the same reason, since she's been at the front from the beginning, but...see above, i guess.

[crabsnpersimmons]

Hi, how are you dear?

:)

awww thanks for asking

honestly

sore 😅

had a busy day at work today and it involved cleaning some stubborn marks, so now my arms are super sore 😂

but hey

i got a job done so now i'm getting paid 😍 i'm saving up for the new 8 inch Sun and Moon Youtooz figure! cuz it's so cool and i missed out on the original. can't wait 🥰

how about you? how are you doing?

[rodentbloodart]

today's shiny haul

Azurill, Pyroar (male), Scovillain x2, Houndour, Basculegion (male), Vulpix and Ninetales (themed after my friend Vaxsin's pokesona)

[xycuro-illuminati]

hey long time no talk. every time ive ever seen you talk about fratt its like im sitting here wide eyed + horrified like what? what? huh?

I'm not kidding it is legit like that NOW. And I guarantee you it probably hasnt change from it. Like I said before, I watched it go from a niche rarepair with a good amount of comics fans understanding how to make it fun and hilarious to all m/cu fans writing the most OOC and ableist bs ever written bc they know 0 about BOTH source materials

[lobotomy-lady]

Why do/did you work with dogs if you hate them? Honest question

ummm...bc I Don't hate them & I love them v much actually...which is part of why I dislike interacting w unknown pits (& their frequently very delusional owners). for every human mauled to death there's about a thousand beloved pets who have been lost bc some fucking idiot set their pit loose or took it on a walk despite not having the strength to control it or brought it to the dog park. my cousin has a pit lab mix who is sooo sweet but I would not let her interact w my baby brother bc its simply not worth the risk. plenty of pits who had sweet dispositions & who would "never hurt a fly" have turned on their owners out of nowhere.

anyways if I hate dogs so much explain why I have like 3000 pictures of opal just sleeping on the couch saved on my phone

[danzsoldier]

sometimes I think about how Caine is canonically oblivious to the suffering that the humans trapped in the circus go through. Makes me wonder if he even understand the suffering if someone explained it to him because he’s just an AI, a robot with no soul and no understanding of how complex being human can be

[good-beanswrites]

Okay, kyanako said that I can ask for a director's commentary on the fic you wrote for me.

Is there anything you’d like to share about writing this fic? Any thoughts during the writing? Maybe any questions for me?

Not you too 😭😭😭 Haha, but thank you for the option to ask you questions, because I actually do have a few! My normal commentary is in pink, but I put questions in blue :) Some of them are specifics about your characters, but I also just want to hear your takes on writing Es 👀 I don't write them super often, so I'm curious how you characterize them...

Es clutched at their head. Their fingers tore through their hair. It was the middle of the night, so they resisted the urge to shout. They didn’t want to draw any attention to themself. If they remained completely silent, though, they wouldn’t need to refrain from crying.

And so they cried.

I wanted to start off right away by setting the theme of Es experiencing the typical pain of a child in their position, but refusing to be treated like the are.

You see, there is only one sensation worse than waking up from an awful dream: waking up from a very, very, good one. 

I'm kind of relying on readers understanding this feeling already, I didn't really know how to put it into words 😅 (Is this common for people?) It's happened to me several times, and it genuinely can hit harder than a nightmare.

Es had grown accustomed to the nightmares that Milgram produced. In these dreams, Es might take the place of the prisoners. Their stomach would twist with horror at the blood on their hands. Other times, they found themselves in the victim’s shoes. They’d wake in a cold sweat, feeling hands closing around their throat, or weapons swung at their temple. 

I feel like a lot of fics (rightfully) focus on all the messed up things Es experiences on a daily basis, like this. I'm usually more upset by their canon lack of interest in their past and future. Their refusal to miss/hope for anything better is really what hurts me, and it took a while to figure out what may push them to the point of finally acknowledging it. I thought a dream was a good start. When you picture them, are they wondering about their identity a lot? Would certain things be enough to jog their memory, or do only extreme situations get through to them?

But they weren’t prepared for a dream of absolute peace. They were happy. They were laughing. There were people nearby, smiling. It was all emotion and no detail – not a single face, place, or voice, was clear – but they knew for sure what the dream had consisted of.

Es was with their family. 

I debated so long on naming specifics about what they saw, whether it was glimpses of your characters or small lines of dialogue... I still hadn't decided if I wanted the dream to be a real memory or just their imagination, though, so I kept it up to interpretation. (Also, I was so afraid of getting something wrong about who they'd be close to or how they'd react in your mind 😭 "he wouldn't fucking say that" fr). In an early draft of this, Es had fallen asleep while cataloguing the prisoners' family members, and dreamed that they were a part of some of those families. It wasn't as effective as I'd hoped, so I got right to the point and made it their own family here.

So uh, I guess, what would they dream about if it were 100% accurate to their real family? I also thought about making the dream a vision sent from them to communicate a message -- is this something that a family member could/would do? And which relative is Es closest to? I've heard you talk more about their father, but I wasn't sure if that necessarily meant they were the closest. (I wanted to make a more specific parallel with one of the prisoners. I'd pair them with Amane if they were close with their father, Haruka if it was their mother, Mikoto if it was a sibling. Since I wasn't sure, I thought Haruka was a safe bet.)

They choked out another sob. 

For the longest time, they wondered if they even had a past to remember. But that was all foolishness – Milgram was in the business of judging humans, not creating them out of thin air. They’d tried asking Jackalope, once. He turned out just as cryptic as some of the prisoners in their interrogations. Another time, they had considered using the prison’s mysterious machine on themself. There was no way to operate it alone, though. And when it came down to it, they were always alone.

Yeah. So. I made myself upset realizing the isolation Es feels :((( They're at Jackalope's mercy as much as the prisoners are, but they can never truly bond with the others over it. They're different from the prisoners, but they don't even have that much power over them (only responsibility). I thought about including an actual attempt to use the machine without someone watching over them, and what a risk that would be. It ended up taking the story way off-focus, but I wonder what could actually drive them to the point of doing something dangerous in the name of getting memories back, or would they always be accepting of the situation, given their personality?

They curled themself tight, dragging the bedsheets with them. Usually when they wondered about their past, mere curiosity washed over them. Now, they were flooded with an entirely new type of longing. It filled their chest. No, that wasn't it. Rather, the feeling left a wide hole through them.

I'm glad you thought the curling up was cute ;--; I just wanted the reader to remember how young and small they are ;----; I was sad writing this and needed everyone to remember along with me 😭

If they did have a family, had Es been stolen away? Could there be someone else out there right now, crying in the middle of the night, just as hard as Es was crying for them? The thought was not comforting.

Or, like Es, had they forgotten all traces of their connection? That possibility also did more harm than good.

Es tried to reassure themself – if this family hadn’t come looking for them, maybe it meant they weren't wanted in the first place. Maybe Es had been willingly turned over to Milgram, their parents glad to be rid of them.

That thought didn't help at all.

I had a lot of fun evilly choosing the most painful possibilities for Es to consider >:3 (<- SHE'S LYING SHE MADE HERSELF CRY). The uncertainty would hurt any any reader, but as my target, I hoped to pinpoint some exact things you'd mentioned in the past. I was picturing the art of Es' father hunting Milgram down, and some of your comments about them remembering and missing Es.

Something clattered out in the corridor. That must have been what woke them. They rose from bed, ready to raise hell. How dare one of the prisoners rip them from such a dream. Es could never return. The offender would pay for this. 

It took only a moment to put on their uniform and wipe the tears from their cheeks. They swung the door open to find Haruka stumbling down the hall. 

I'm always a sucker for the uniform being a symbol of Es' obsession with their role -- putting it on is the same as them putting up an act, even if they don't quite realize it.

“Prisoner number one, what the –” they grabbed his arm. Only then did they notice the dazed look in his eyes. His body flinched, waking from what must have been sleepwalking.

“Ah! W-warden!” He blinked, his mind still stuck somewhere else. “I’m s-sorry! What, ah… I was dreaming... She was – she was right here…”

After this part I tried ending the drabble with Haruka saying, "I was dreaming," and Es replying bitterly, "me too." Haruka then says, "it was about my family," and much quieter, Es repeats "me too." As much as I loved the exchange, I wanted the gut-wrenching pain of Es rejecting their family rather than missing them at the very end 😎👍

Es took a measured breath. They steeled their expression. There would be no unleashing hell tonight. They had lost sight of their role. They had gotten distracted with childish emotions and silly dreams. They were Milgram’s warden, not some kid like Haruka who wandered around the prison late at night looking for his mama. 

Es adjusted the hat over their hair. It was good, they told themself, that they couldn't remember a thing from the dream. They didn't need any of those people. They were perfectly fine on their own. Such a distraction would not happen again.

I had to mention the uniform hat again because I'm just too obsessed with the symbolism asdfsdfs. And yeah, like you said, all of this was an attempt to convince themself. They don't really believe it, but they have to make themself believe it, or else they'll be in even more pain...

“Let’s get you back to bed.”

“But, my p-parents, they were–”

“They’re not here. Nobody is. Back to your cell, prisoner.”

Of course "they're not here" is reflecting Es and Haruka both missing their parents, but I hoped the last line would also continue the parallels between them -- at the end of the night, Es is a prisoner here too :(

[apocalypticdemon]

hmm. spiraling. fun.

[shawoluvs]

🎀 tagged by @babyange1face to do this one~ thank you~ 🎀

♡ last song listened to:

Shhh by Seventeen

♡ favorite color:

I go between colours but largely pink, green, blue and purple

♡ currently watching:

Doctor Who, Schitt's Creek, GLOW (very slowly) and Interview with the Vampire (also super slowly)

♡ last movie:

The Family Stone (listen this film is a bit of a hot mess but also a classic, great cast, and Everett can go fuck himself)

♡ currently reading:

The Star-Child by Oscar Wilde

♡ sweet , spicy , savory:

Tend to crave sweet and then savoury in a consistent loop

♡ currently obsessions:

Very recently became obsessed with making friendship bracelets after I went to a Taylor Swift night (where we were 'promised' friendship bracelets but only managed to get two between five of us) and have also been obsessed with my cat (always tbh she is an angel) and finding new pairs of jeans/some good going out shoes that are also comfy

I shall be tagging~ @fourseascns, @solaarflaree, @eternallys, @kseulgiz & @archeryqueen95 to take part if you wish~

[iwasthewind]

THE 2.2 HSR HAS RUINED ME

I FINISHED IT WITHIN EIGHT HOURS OF IT COMING OUT AND I AM NOT OKAY I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THE SIBLINGS NONSTOP UGH!!!!! AND THE BOOTHILL/DAN HENG DYNAMIC IS SO FUNNY I NEED MORE OF THEM PLEASE

[petitsdieu]

𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙𝑠 𝑎 𝑏𝑒𝑑𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑐ℎ 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑢𝑙𝑎𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛. ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑢𝑟𝑛𝑠 𝑜𝑛 ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑟𝑖𝑝 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒. ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑐𝑒𝑑𝑒 𝑜𝑛 𝑐𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑏𝑖𝑟𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡. ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑦 𝑟𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑠, 𝑓𝑖𝑟𝑡𝑙𝑦, 𝑣𝑖𝑎 ℎ𝑜𝑚𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑚𝑖𝑥𝑖𝑛𝑔 ... @deficd