#deserve to be humbled in such a way. i dont know if its because being so stuck up made me rude or mean or bad or maybe its just the fault o

[shoresalt]

long post about school

i cant help but take academic advice and suggestions and marks so personally as if they reflect who i am morally and my personality. even the simplest mistake of formatting a citation incorrectly ((when citations weren't even necessary i just wanted to provide a source... ) makes me think i am unfixable. and then i see 80s on my report cards and freak out inside. but if anyone else told me they got that mark i would be happy for them. i dont view even lower marks as a representation of my friends? so why do i assume others are having those thoughts about me? is it because i dont know my teachers very personally? and they're more prone to making assumptions about me? (are they even, really??) i feel offended when i see that i'm not at the top of my class. because it makes me look lazy compared to past grades, even if my teachers and classmates didn't even know me then. i'm afraid they'll see me failing and be mad or rude or think i'm no good. grades never affect the way i perceive others. why isnt it the same when i flip it to myself???

i need to find a way to understand that that advice will result in me learning! it does! i have demonstrated this! i can learn from my mistakes!!! i already understand it, logically, but it still pains me anyways. maybe its the permanence of grades. the way they dont change even when i learn something correctly or fix a mistake.

[despazito]

wish script doctor bc i feel like this movie could've been a lot stronger with some things altered. like i dont even think it needs a complete story overhaul, a handful of changes could make it much tighter imo

asha does not live so close to central rosas, but a village on the outskirts of the kingdom, and this will be her first time venturing to see the mythical king in person.

not all wishes are equal in this magic system. selfish and shallow wishes do not contain much power, but noble and selfless wishes are very strong. (also i don't see the point of forgetting your wish you made?)

the grandad was animated way too in shape for 100 years old, make him weaker and frail. hell, put him on his death bed to raise the stakes.

perhaps have asha's grandfather be an esteemed but very humble scholar or medicine healer whose dying wish is to establish a library or hospital for the local people (or something). asha believes that if she meets with king magnifico herself, she can convince him to grant her grandfathers' wish. she believes she can do this because an old childhood friend of hers now works in the castle as his aid.

asha travels to rosas and meets her friend dahlia. expecting her to be very close to the king, dahlia sheepishly admits to being a much lower ranked servant who hardly ever sees the king in person, but still sneaks asha in to show her around the castle because she's such a fan of magnifico + introduce asha to all her friends/coworkers.

have dahlia be the only primary friend, relegate the rest of the lot to the background. we don't need much time with them all, use it to strengthen other relationships.

asha attends a wish granting ceremony and magnifico does not grant grandad's wish. after the event asha uses a sneaky corridor that she just learnt to ambush magnifico and plead her case to him. away from the crowd he goes mask off and tells her to fuck off, asha narrowly escapes his guards.

defeated, she sings her I Wish song and we meet the star.

instead of the short guy, have valentino play the grouchy foil. valentino hates the star, and they have slapstick together. hell if disney wants to be meta, have him resent the star for turning him into a funny talking animal or something.

dahlia is the only one who believes asha when she tells her about meeting the wishing star. the other friends think she's some kind of lunatic from out of town until they see the star for themselves.

have queen amaya be equally self absorbed as king magnifico and together act as an evil couple like in the concept art. she enjoys the luxury of being a self-made monarch and throws lavish balls and pampers her shitty cats or something. make them evil and campy together like mink stole and david lochary in a john waters film (we've had a villain based on divine, now its their turn)

alternatively, amaya can still have a redemption, but later on in the third act. perhaps she's vain and perfectly content with a certain level of fraud until magnifico crosses a line. have magnifico explain to her long ago that he gets strength from the wishes, but he only culls the shitty wishes bad people make. amaya thinks its reasonable that he crushes the wishes of bad people and people who "deserve" it. but selfish wishes aren't as powerful, and as magnifico begins to crave more and more power, he begins taking more innocent wishes to power himself. maybe he finally crushes the wish of some sick kid or asha's grandfather and that finally snaps amaya into realizing what they're doing has become completely irredeemable. i know disney is allergic to writing romance now so have asha stay single and instead take some time to explore this romantic relationship.

asha & co. defeat magnifico with the power of friendship or whatever, maybe even have the final final part of the battle be between magnifico vs amaya as asha rushes to care for her grandfather after his wish was just crushed. or magnifico goes full magical sorcerer and explodes asha's family home or something

everyone in rosas realizes they don't need magnifico to live their dreams and together (with some pitching in from a now queen-regent amaya) asha is able to build the library/school/hospital/insert public service building her grandad always wanted. amaya hangs the magnifico mirror above her cats' litter boxes. the end

[neonscandal]

Hi, Neon, just found your older ask here https://www.tumblr.com/neonscandal/700397520113876992/hiif-you-dont-mind-can-i-ask-something-from?source=share

Now, after 2 years, do you want to add something for the answer? Have you know it yet about the news? I'm still sad when I read that BNHA will be over in the next 5 chapters. Whatever happen, I'm grateful and will always love BKDK !!

Also, do you mind if I ask the same ask (same format : strength, weakness & dynamic) as that person above for Satosugu, Matchblosoom and Asheiji?

I have been sitting on this, and a few other asks since I've been slammed at work while still trying to make art on the side so I appreciate you hanging in there. 💖 At this point, the end of MHA has come and gone but my love lives on.

I will always find fantasy AU gifs appropriate.

⚠️ Spoiler warning through end of MHA manga.

TBH I find a lot of what I wrote to still be spot on, likely by design since I was trying to avoid spoilers at the time so I was indirectly speaking to observations we've now seen play out in the show. The notable difference simply being that the end of MHA brought a bit more exposition into the fact that, more than being number 1, Bakugo's one track mind was solely focused on Izuku.

Without Izuku, his ranking didn't matter. So he fought tooth and nail to get his childhood friend, his rival, his inspiration back into the game. Because they were both always worth saving, they were always making one another better.

Can I first and foremost just point out that Joe is voiced by Jonah Scott and thus deserving of a little romanticization in general?

⚠️ Spoiler warning through SK8 the Infinity S1.

PERSONALITY

Kojiro Strengths

Shockingly to say, Jo is humble. He might go around preening for the crowd but, as a founding member of S, he has the ability to meet Reki where he is when he is resentful of his own lack of growth because he's been there. Maybe that's more to say that he has a bit more emotional intelligence than he gets credit for, either way, there is more than meets the eye.

Jo is sentimental. He might joke about his restaurant not being a daycare or even banter bitterly with Kaoru but he is demonstrably still a safe space for up and coming skaters and a pillar for his high school friend even if we see he felt a bit left behind when he was younger.

Kojiro Weaknesses

I just find it interesting that he's very honest but only when Kaoru is unconscious. Like, he immediately carries Kaoru away after his big injury and really only alludes to valuing their friendship when Kaoru is knocked out beside him. From what we know of their lore, when Kaoru was looking to Adam, Jo was looking to Kaoru and I wonder how much Kaoru realizes that. Or how much Carla really probably bothers Jo as another thing that replaced him.

Kaoru Strengths

We know expeditiously who the brains behind the operation are. Kaoru is really intelligent, both in terms of picking apart Adam's battle strategy with the Love Hug and in programming Carla. Let us all be glad he went into calligraphy and not straight villainy because he'd be unstoppable I fear. There'd be nothing he couldn't mansplain, manipulate or malewife his way out of.

CHERRY IS SO GENDER. That's all.

Kaoru Weaknesses

He's stuck in the past with his vendetta against Adam. That's not to say that Jo isn't locked in a similar gear but Kaoru's motivation seems more personal and I suppose that informs a lot of fanon lore (and why Cherry will never beat the allegations). Kaoru already stands at the top of the pile of S skaters but he still has something to prove and it eventually costs him.

DYNAMIC

This is a really short series to extrapolate a ton from, to be honest, especially with its lack of a source material. I'm really looking forward to season 2 which will explore more of their lore specifically but any time there's an overture of disparaging banter with an undeniable foundation of affection?? I'm gonna love it. In short:

They keep each other honest - what happens on S, stays on S and, while Kaoru is hell bent on keeping his lives separate (professional vs skater delinquent), it's important to have people in your life who know the real you. All of you.

They maintain a shared goal - ultimately, friends are mirrors and the importance of that is touched on in the above. While part of their mission is to beat Adam, I think another element of that is to bring him back into the fold. Because when a homie starts acting weird, you gotta set him straight.

My sweet babies.

⚠️ Spoiler warning for Banana Fish series.

PERSONALITY

Ash Strengths

Despite every turn of his life showing him the evil of human nature, Ash still tries to do right by others. He protects the kids in his gang the only way he knows how. That's not to say he was always a good example because he had to do things that were not always on the up and up but he cared deeply about the people in his life and became the "monster" that could protect them, relentlessly.

Resilient almost to a fault, Ash's suffering is frequently short lived, knowing that he doesn't have the time to wallow. Not if it will be a detriment to his cause, not if it puts Eiji at risk, etc. He compartmentalizes his trauma and grief to prioritize the comfort and safety of others because so many people look to him for guidance. He is incredibly driven despite his age and life's challenges. This can be a strength and a weakness

Ash is brilliant. Strategically, skills wise, intellectually, he is brilliant and quick-witted, at that. Had his circumstances been different, who knows who he could have been in the scheme of things.

Ash Weaknesses

He's hardwired for martyrdom. Life taught him what people value about him and he sneers as he uses it to best them. While I love to see him able to turn the tables on so many of his abusers, it still belies that his confidence is more of a shield than anything else. When you're abused, especially continuously, you espouse feelings of guilt, shame and worthlessness. Regardless of one's resilience, you don't walk away unscathed. Regardless of one's intelligence, you still can't separate yourself from thoughts that suggest you're the reason for your abuse. Ash constantly walks into the line of fire, throws himself to the wolves, offers his life in exchange for others, leverages his experience and humiliation to shield the suffering of others'. In the end, despite what he found in Eiji, his decision to be the leopard, as it were, came from the fact that he thought that should be his fate. He did not think he deserved the softness of what Eiji offered. I disagree.

Despite making quick work of many challenges following the trail of banana fish, Ash can be hotheaded. He's emotional at times which is understandable but the worst instance of it was his overcorrection when Sing's men shoot Eiji as the fall out inextricably creates the situation that costs him his life.

Eiji Okumura. In many ways, Eiji is Ash's greatest weakness, often willing to walk back into hell if it meant an even exchange of Eiji's safety or life. But when it feels like you finally find a reason to live beyond just survival, is it not worth protecting?

Eiji Strengths

Despite the obvious culture shock, Eiji is unflappable, regardless of what he was running away from back home. From his pole vaulted escape where it all begins, to telling Ash to return to him safely, Eiji was just there for Ash and, more importantly, expected nothing in return. Both of these capture Ash's attention and quickly establishes a reciprocal relationship of respect and sympathy.

Eiji is as trustworthy as he is trusting.That's not to say he 100% has the best judge of who is deserving of his trust but his earnest nature endears him to others quickly. To the point where Shorter still does everything in his power to protect Eiji up until the point he can't. One could argue that should be chalked up to Shorter's friendship with Ash but there was a tenderness and concern to Shorter's protection that was specific to Eiji.

One thing about Eiji, he's gonna have audacity. He does not fear Ash despite the things Ash has had to do in the span of knowing him. He treats Ash as a person deserving of concern, deserving of kindness and deserving of attitude when the situation calls for it. In many ways, Ash is surrounded by people who care for him but Eiji sees him beyond his reputation and what he can do for him and it sets him apart. Even when Ash experiences things outside of what he can comprehend, when others treat Ash like a ticking time bomb to be regarded at arms length, Eiji is able to close the gap to comfort him.

Eiji Weaknesses

Despite that one year difference, Eiji is naive to the ways of the world. While it is presented initially like a cultural divide, fundamentally Eiji's upbringing, while not a walk in the park, is also so starkly different from Ash, Shorter's and other characters. A sickly father, perhaps distant mother, but he had promise and opportunities. Back home, he wasn't just surviving. This doesn't undermine the ego death of losing everything when he got injured and having to start from scratch. In truth, I don't think anything could have prepared him for the journey down the rabbit hole but he dove down it just the same. Perhaps because there were no alarms blaring about how it could cost him his life even after Skip's initial death.

DYNAMIC

Contrary to the above, I think Ash and Eiji don't always fall into the same dynamic in every part of the story. They fight for one another, sacrifice for one another, and provide protection (as best they can and in whatever way they can) for one another. Despite everything that should separate them and the one in a million chance of meeting one another, they did. While it meant both of their ruin in different ways it also irreparably altered both of their lives as they made indelible impressions upon one another.

I will never get over these two and, I suppose, neither will the rest of JJK since they're the reason for everything that goes awry.

⚠️ Spoiler warning through end of JJK manga. 😭

PERSONALITY

Will there ever come a time when I tire of writing about Satoru Gojo or Suguru Geto? No, I think not. I saved them for last because I felt like I'd probably have the most to write here but once I started thinking about it.. every single one of their strengths in turn becomes their weakness and leads to their undoing.

Gojo Strengths and Weaknesses

Gojo is strength. Tipping the scales with your birth had to make the list somewhere. He was an infallible weapon wielded by the higher ups until he became too unruly... but what could they do? He was the closest thing they had to otherworldly power. In many ways, without him, sorcerers didn't stand a chance. They conflated him with a god and it went to his head. It allowed him the hubris to gamble on a mission he knew could change the world.

Gojo's status makes him untouchable. In a society that prioritizes strength, Gojo was unmatched. Limitless is such an apropo technique for someone so far removed from others... or is he far removed from others because of his Limitless? Either way, by the time he meets Geto, he'd already been a weapon, been an anomaly for so long. He was raised without an equal, he is not unused to being the strongest and the responsibility that that entails. He's intelligent, pragmatic, and extremely capable. However, finding an equal in Geto made him greedy. Confident. A dangerous combination but, had he not always known such impregnable loneliness, perhaps things wouldn't have gone as far as they did. Regardless of the imperfect comparison (since being a Special Grade has a massive disparity in strength) these extremes created such a desperate need to never know isolation again. He was alone before Geto and suffered the weight of the world after Geto. It created an unprecedented sense of sentimentality, it drove him not to burn Geto's body. Even finding stronger students, people who could stand shoulder to shoulder with him, would one day surpass him... and he still couldn't really let them in.

It takes time and experience but, eventually, he has an adaptable worldview not defined by imposed obligation. This is informed by trauma but it becomes the catalyst for how he lives the rest of his life which is marked with the lofty benevolence of someone who doesn't have to interfere in the trivialities between sorcerers and curses/curse users but does if only to prevent others from experiencing similarly devastating loss or alienation. What he does after Geto defects does nothing to redeem Geto or salvage their relationship but, from that point, Gojo appreciates and protects the privilege of being young in the only way he knows how, by forging them to be strong in turn. It's not exactly a moral compass, one could argue it perpetuates a system that still exploits children but the response, as we've seen with the series end, sorcerers don't have the privilege of choice.

Gojo is out of touch with those around him. He can plot causation, infer complex logic, rehash history, etc. but it does nothing for the broken boy said to be his best friend. While he becomes aware of this weakness and tries to address it with Yuji (by having Nanami take over), it's too late. The damage had already been done.

Geto Strength and Weaknesses

Geto is no stranger to grueling and hard work. As an outsider to Jujutsu Tech, imagine coming into the fold, the only sorcerer of your family with a grossly unpalatable technique. Assessed to be the strongest after being plucked from relative obscurity and you stand at the top of the mountain with someone who won the genetic lottery with all the audacity to boot. We don't have much insight into Geto's whole back story but we see enough of Yuji's immersion into the jujutsu world to know that it isn't easy. But Geto made quick work of becoming an adept sorcerer, one who could keep up with the likes of Satoru Gojo even. Even as the strongest, he still must have had a bit of a bitter taste as he came to learn more of the world.

Geto is humble. Such that he earns respect and admiration from Nanami and Haibara respectively. His technique, almost an ill fit for someone who sought to be so pure, so noble, is unpleasant but it bestows such great power upon him. I imagine he had to rationalize it somehow. The sacrificial means to a suitable end in his mind. He is polite (but can absolutely be a little shit) and tries not to let being the strongest get to his head, frequently chastising Gojo for his behavior. But this practice of being humble in the face of such obvious power eventually creates a situation where he feels he is owed.

Geto has an inalienable sense of responsibility. It lends itself to his humility and keeps his moral compass pointed due north. Moreover, its what informs Gojo's reliance on his judgement. His worldview is simple, human even. Those who are strong are meant to protect. I think it further gives meaning to his discomfort every time he uses his technique. As if to say "in order to protect, I must suffer. Because I have great strength, I must be prepared to sacrifice,". This A + B = C mentality only works in a simple world without variables. But the world is unfair, curses are unpredictable and, sometimes, humans can be monsters. So when his worldview changes, it fractures something deep within him because of his simple but unyielding principles and inability to accept the world for what it is: a sea of gray.

DYNAMIC

They diametrically complement one another by design. In many ways, they differ to an extreme that begs the question of how they ever found any middle ground. But they did. And there was love. Or affection should you prefer. But it didn't make a lick of difference.

[chososcamgirl]

Sept. 29 daily check in for iya.. make sure to post + FINISH THIS WHEN SHE RESPONDS TO YESTERDAYS DAILY CHECKIN

Warning.. ⚠️ I YAPPED SO HARD IN THIS ONE DONT BE AFRAID TO NOT ANSWER EVERYTHING CUS IK I YAP A LOT‼️‼️😭☹️ + I kinda wrote this the night before becauseee I’m really busy today so if some things are in future tense that’s why…

HEYHEYHEY SIGMA ALPHA IYA I HOPE UR FEELING REALLLYYYYY SKIBIDI CUS U DESERVE IT AFTER THE LAST CHAPTER😫😫 IM ABOUT TO FLY OVER TO GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST KISS EVER ILYSMMMM AUFNENENDND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU DIDNT CAMEOS BUT ME MAKING AN APPEARANCE REALLY SHOOOOOKKKKKKK ME TO MY CORREEEEE UGHHH CAME 5 TIMES JUST READING THAT TWEETTTTT 😫🤰🤰

OKOKOK THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS CHAPTER SINCE MY FUCKKKK IT WAS SO GOOD I AM LITERALLY SO STUFFED (in both ways 😫 toge PLEASEEE)

YUTAMAKI SNEAKKK ANDNENNENENEJSOXKWNEN I LOVE THEM THEYRE MY SKIBIDI TOILET 🐺‼️ NOT YUTA BEING FUCKING HEADDDDD OVER HEELS FOR MAKI (me too lowk..) POSTING HER ON INSTA UGHHH ME AND WHO😭😭😭🙍‍♀️🙍‍♀️🙍‍♀️ (toge PLEASEEE) LIKE LITERALLY BECOME OFFICAL ALREADY I SWEARRRR 😡😡 I LOVE THEM RHEYRE SOOO SKIBIDI 💗☹️

UGHH I WANT WTV THE FUCK MEGUMI AND YN HAVE CUS GODDDDD JUST FUCK ALREADY EVERYONE CAN SEE THRU IT (just kidding YN STAY UPP DO NOT SIT DOWN STOP THINKING WITH UR PUSSY THINK OF YOUR PRIDEEEE (saying this even tho I’m proudly exclaiming that I would like to gain stds from inumaki BUTTTT IN MY DEFENSE THATS DIFFERENT 😭‼️‼️)

Brainrot references oh my GYATT me and toge are made for each other likeeeeee 😍😍 please slide into my dms and TALK TUAH ME‼️😫

ok seriously yn stand UPPP UGHHH CUS WHY WOULD YOU BE THAT SERIOUS FOR A MAN💔💔 WHY WOULD YOU GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO GO AGAINST YOUR 4LIFER FOR A FUCKING MAN…? WHY WOULD A MAN BE THERE????? WHY WOULD A FUCKING MAN BE PUT FIRST STOP THINKING WITH YOUR FUCKING PUSSY GIRL IM SERIOUSLY GOING TO BEATTTT THE SHIT OUT OF HER CUS ALL THIS OVER A FUCKING MAN IS INSANE (did I mention how this is extra insane because it’s over a MAN?? Like idgaf if he’s not girl get UPP) unless it’s over inumaki… then it makes sense.. WHO SAIDD THATTT (I’m projecting… sorry guys… I’m not sexist I promise ☹️☹️) (maki please humble her because if I was sjap yn I would’ve RANNN TO MAKII LIKE GIRL IM SO SORRY PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME ILY UR MY BSF AND ILL DUMP EVERY SINGLE MAN IN THE WORLD FOR YOU ☹️☹️☹️☹️😭😭😭😭)

THE CLIFFHANGER OMFG⁉️⁉️ IT BETTER NOT BE SUKUNA GIRL OTHERWISE IM BEATING THE SHITT OUT OF UUUU but at the same time.. megumi is BARLEY better… like by 0.000000001% better… so…. What if we just fuck toge instead 🤗🤗🤗 I’m EXTREMLEY fond of that idea sooo maybe keep it in mind?/j SRSLY THO ILL BEAT U UP IYA (then we can make out while watching despicable me after 🥰😘)

Omfg…. FUCKKKK YNNNN UGHHH GIRL STAND UP THIS IS WHAT BEING A WHORE RESULTS TO (as if I wouldn’t come running back to my ex with open arms if I had the chance…jk I don’t have an ex… it’s something I would do tho… I’ve done it for countless friendships… SIGHH) #projectingagain

#someonepleasefuckingshootme

#togepleasegivemehead😘😘🥰😍🤗

Ok DAMNN I HAD A LOT TO YAP… but it was a GOOD ASS CHAPTER IM LITERALLY SO STUFFED 🤰🤰

IM GONNA TRY AND GET ON TGAT GRINDD TODAY CUS ILL TRY ACTUALLY STUDYING FOR MY TESTS SO NEXT SJAP WEEKEND IS MY INSPO FS ‼️🤗🐺🔥 + I JUST CHECKED MY SCHEDULE AND I HAVE A FREE PERIOD TMRW YAYSYSYSYSYYSSYYAYAYAYSY I LOVE WHENEVER I START MY WEEK WITH A FREE😍😍😍

HOW WAS UR DAYYYY⁉️⁉️ SINCE ITS MONDAY FOR U IM ASSUMING YOU HAVE WORK SO I HOPE IT WAS GOOD 🔥🔥

IM SO GLAD MY COMMENTS FILL U WITH LOVE 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ CUS I FEEL VERY LOVED EACH TIME U RESPOND TO MY ASKS ‼️🔥💗

ANSWER TO LAST QOTD 🔥🔥🤗 TEA FSS I AM A SLUTTTTTT FOR UNSWEETENED TEA LIKE OML 😫😍🤤 I GREW UP DRINKING IT CUS MY FAM WOULD SHOVE IT DOWN MY THROAT EVERY CHANCE THEY GOT SO IT STOPPED AFFECTING ME LIKE A ENERGY DRINK UNLESS I DOWN LIKE 10 PACKS 😢😢 BUT ITS SO GOOKDDD UFGHGHH I LOVE THE BITTER TASTE 🤤🤤🤤 MY FAV IS GREEN TEA AND 紅茶 (I forgot what it was called in English 😢😢)

QOTDDDD ‼️🔥🤗 CAKE OR PIE 🥧 🍰⁉️⁉️

OKAH BYE SIGMA IYAAA IK I YAPPED HARDDDD WITH THE SJAP COMMENTS SO FEEL FREE TO NOT READ ALL OF MY YAP 😭 HOPE U HAD A VERY SIGMATASTIC DAY ‼️‼️ LOVE U POO POO

- 🐺

HI ALPHA!! 🐺

daily check in i love its 2am and i always answer ur check ins last bc i like ending it on a good note🙂‍↕️ LMFAO UR FINE <3 sorry if this is not coherent i am on the verge of sleeping so that’s why!!

HEH IM GLAD U LIKE UR CAMEO!! pucker up ill take that kiss now😼 YUTAMAKI FOR LIFE. like yes i also love nobamaki but ive never see yutamaki in smau’s so i decided to make them a couple 🙂‍↕️ #YNSTANDUP #CITYGIRLSDOWN pls guys we need her to stop thinking with her pussy💔🙏 TALK TUAH ME PLS ALPHA IM WEAK😭 u guys belong together fr. NO EXACTLY CUZ WHY WOULD A MAN BE THERE. this may or may not been me expressing my feelings in which my friend went back to her ex after us crying together abt it… #loredrop like pls i would forever choose my bestfriend over any man PERIOD

i was rubbing my hands together laughimg evilly at the cliff hanger heh.. am i evil guys😈 (i have received countless death threats) (im so on for watching despicable me pls) SONT BE! I LOVE UR YAPS AND I HOPE UR STUFFED AFTER EVERY CHAPTER (pause)

YAY FOR FREE PERIODS🔥 think of sjap as a reward 😼🫵 bc this next chapter WILL BE FR🔥 MY DAY WAS GOOD! i did not have work which is YAY but omg i made french toast and it was so bus liek omg pls my stomach is rumbling thinking abt it… AW ALPHA ILY <33

OOOOO TEA I LIKE IT LMFAO NOT THE BEING FORCED TO DRINK IT IK WEAK😭 U MUST GIVE ME RECS!

QOTD: CAKE! specifically cheesecake or lava cake i’m a SLUT for the both of them but i do love a good apple/berry pie.. pls now im so hungry im going to go to the fridge after this💔💔 WBY!!!

ILY ALPHA!! HAVE A SIGMA DAY AT SCHOOL PLS KEEP ON YAPPING <333

[missmeinyourbones]

kin assign your moots :)

ok this has been sitting in my drafts for so long and kin is too hard so i decided to ship my mutuals... so basically i am not answering ur question but alas here we are

also i have a lot of mutuals so i think im just gonna do a few rn... maybe the ones i interact w the most or who i see the most on my dash ???? idk i also haven't talked to some of my mutuals bc im a dumb scared baby so if you are not on this list please do not crucify me i love u and if anyone wants a ship/more of these pls ask me i swear i can be normal

@crysugu - why do i wanna say... d-d-deku.... I DONT KNOW something about him is making a lot of sense with you! two lil sweethearts who are so so selflessly kind but ik u guys are Freaks when it comes to one another....

@soumies - i know megumi is such a safe answer but its so real... like so real i cant even think of another name to put down here. my two sweet little babies !!! :3 ;P you match one another energies so well... i trust him in ur hands (and more importantly, i trust u in his)

@alert-arlert - porco LMFAO its always gonna be porco with you ryn! i want you to walk him like a dog so fucking badly. he is so annoying and you are so powerful i just KNOW you have the ability to tame him. close second is hange tho for similar but less intense reasons

@ghostbeam - again there is no answer that is not dabi... but weirdly... i see you with dabi more than touya ??? idk something about the dabi-eqsue yearning closed barriers angsty dark love that shouldn't work but it does fits you guys so well. an icon in the dabi universe is what you are

@demxnscous - im fearful that im saying osamu. and im saying this because the way u write him is so RAW that you cant not be soulmates. i swear you could turn anyone on to him and THAT right there is such a power to wield.... the power of ur love for that man deserves this title

@izurou - SUNA please my favorite suna baby. he annoys you and you let him and its so beautiful. you just get him !!!!! which is tough but you're tougher. i think about ur characterization of him all the time, specifically in the routine and thursday and i could cry with how lovely he is when it comes to you

@augustinewrites - augustine.... you feel so Classy to me. like in my mind u radiate the purest of elegance. a god-tier creator on this app amongst us mere mortals. i feel like your poetic way of existing could compliment sakusa really well! the two of you are so sexi you look like you'd bully people but in reality are so kind just a bit intimidating

@maplesuna - maple i love the idea of you and atsumu becuase i cant stand him half of the time and i absolutely adore you so i love the concept him just being absolutely whipped for you. like u boss him around and he adores it and i get to watch it all front row w some buttery popcorn

@touyangel - sunny my baby you are so sugary sweet i know that hawks would treat u sooooo good. because hes kind and a little fucked up but you truly see the very best in everyone and i think you could save that man from himself. also pls take his #2 hero money u deserve fancy things

@utahimeow - gojo!!!! char u are one of my go to gojo babies whenever i want to giggle and make fun of him or completely tear my hair out thinking about him...i know ur always game. u understand him so well!!!! u are also not afraid to humble him <3 which i love

@kentoangel - choso. choso choso and choso. i know u love him but it feels so right. u guys are like a quiet kind of morning love... like when you sit in a sunlit window and don't need words to explain how you feel. also i think about your mango piece every day of my life... need i say more?

[beea-idiot56]

Chapter 6 - Care free, live free

What happens when a person who has been diagnosed with extreme anxiety and had "retired" from volleyball finds themselves coaching a team full of guys who are a little too loud for their comfort(especially the ginger)?

‘Slow burn? ✔️ smut?❌ they/them pronouns?✔️ forced?❌ Childe x Reader Volleyball AU Wattpad Link Prologue link(Tumblr)

y/n climbed into the car, not knowing how to sit in this new environment, not wanting to be too comfortable and coming off as rude, or too stiff and making the air awkward. Childe definitely kept his car well made, the mats were vacuumed recently, the air freshener was shaped like a volleyball, the seats were coated in a nice black leather with no imperfections. The car itself was slightly crampt. Childe had his legs pushed against the steering wheel and he had to tilt his head far to get in the car. It made y/n wonder why he got this car if it was so small. Its not like he was tight on money, being a professional volleyball player and all. 

As if reading their thoughts childe smiled and looked at them, his eyes crinkling at the edges, “its a little small but i like it like that. Plus it was my siblings dream car and i wanted to get one so they could ride around in it.” he smiled, and y/n couldnt help but smile too. 

“Thats so…” they looked to find the word that was stuck between their lips, it was unable to escape their brain, “you?” they laughed a little, tilting their head to the side. 

“Whats that mean?” childe laughed, leaning back against the seat and looking at them with an offended expression resting on his features. 

“I dont know!” y/n laughed rubbing their face, not knowing how to put their thoughts together. “Its just, something i shoulve expected from you. To get a car too small for your long legs and then say its for your siblings. Yknow? It deserves a word that means something, and the only example of a word would be, you? Not as in the description, but the person. Childe. I- sorry im not making much sense…” y/n let their words run off, unable to justly explain their thoughts and emotions in a way that didnt require a three hour lecture. It might of been the college life in them, huh? 

“No youre fine! I think i get you! Like how the feeling of anxiety mixed with shyness contrasted with confidence in a way that creates this… abomination? Is just the way to explain you, without explaining you. Or like how i expect you to coach kids volleyball but still say youre not cut out for coaching my team?” he laughed before turning forward, leaving y/ns throat dry. How was he able to understand the words that fell from their mouth and yet be so off the mark as to what they meant?

“Hey! Those are two different age groups! Its easier to teach little kids because theres more to teach!” Y/n switched the topic over to coaching, not wanting to draw attention to the way he called them an abomination. The feeling of dread filling their lower stomach and giving birth to a bug they knew would eat at their brain if given the chance.

“And yet you still do a fantastic job at both” childe spoke, a teasing tone slipping into his voice that accompanied his eye roll, but they both knew it was all in good fun. y/n felt a thick layer of blush lay across their cheeks in humble awkwardness. They just laughed a bit but looked down at their shoes that laid against the floor mats. In the weirdest way possible, it just felt right. Looking at their feet compared to the floor. The way their legs pushed against the middle console and door, or the way their back slid into the seat. And for some reason it felt natural when childe reaches over and handed the aux cord to y/n, a smile present on his lips and words in his mouth that y/n was far to zoned out to understand. But that didnt stop them from navigating to the playlist they knew that both y/n and childe would like and pressing play, letting the feeling of the music vibrating in the speakers overcome their senses and the feeling of wind in their hair as childe rolled down the window. 

For some reason they were not uncomfortable. They were able to put their elbows on the console without worrying if they were overstepping boundaries. They didnt mind humming the lyrics to the songs they knew and bobbing their head to the beat of songs they hadnt memorized yet. It all felt natural, like a fever dream that they woud have in the middle of the night when sleep didnt come easy. 

Was this what it felt like to be happy? 

The thought echoed in their brain as they looked at the passing trees and buildings. Ease rolled off their shoulders and brought them comfort. The sun hit them right on the cheeks, like the many years before. The small bumps of the pot holes and rocks on the road was easy to get lost in, the vibrations sending their brain into a land of thoughts. For once the thoughts weren't even negative. Y/n was so used to having to block out their brain, in search of solidarity and comfort in silence. The music that usually flowed from the speakers of earbuds was what did that. However, now, they found themself in a car, comfortable with thinking. For some reason the answer to the question was easy to come, 

Yes. They smiled a little, they didn't need the greatest party, or a first time to be happy, the small sound of childe singing lyrics and the view of the car door caging the sky was enough to be happy. It was almost criminal that someone who was so full of energy and loud noises, things that y/n often found to be anxiety inducing, their heart would race usually, sometimes they’d find themself crying simply from being overwhelmed,,, and yet, now? They found themself yearning for this feeling to continue. 

It felt just as criminal that the moment had to end when childe pulled into the parking lot of a busy bar. The sounds of people chatting and clashing together glasses of beer rang forth, drowning out the music that played from both the bar and the vehicle they sat in. 

“I hope you don't mind us coming here, it's the only place with burgers that doesn't cost a liver and kidney to go to” childe laughed, scratching his neck nervously as he turned off the car. 

Suddenly, the feeling of relaxation seemed more like a corset, choking their stomach and bringing their senses to everything but the air around them. y/ns eyes danced from person to person that they could see through the windows. Then immediately to their reflection. The thought of brushing back their hair isn't even needed before they had been running a hand through the locks upon their head. Even when childe climbed out and stood by the car waiting for them, they couldn't help the feeling of dread cross over their senses. The furrowing of their eyebrows wasn’t enough for a microscope to see, but it was enough to set in stone that they knew in their heart that they wouldn't enjoy themselves here. 

However, could they say no? The look of happiness on Childes face brought them to resist the urge to take the keys and steering wheel and simply run. The blue in his eyes almost as inviting as the ocean, beckoning y/n forward with a call. Y/n wanted nothing more than to lose themself, yet, the sound of pool balls hitting the edges of a table brought them back to the earth they hated so much. 

“It's alright!” the sounds and words were out of their mouth before they tell themself not to submit. They had opened the door before their hands stopped shaking, they had already walked up the flight of stairs before they were even able to calm their heart rate. As childe opened the door they couldn't help but gasp, the air full of smoke and regret and day drinkers filled their lungs and brought them into a clench that was already there.  How were they supposed to say they wanted to leave before they even sat down? How was y/n supposed to stop and beg childe to turn so that they'd go somewhere calmer? I'll pay! They screamed in their head ill pay! Please let's just leave. Yet, the words never left and soon they were staring at a menu with almost nothing but burgers and fries and pizzas. 

A/N: super short chapter :00, but its good bc the next chapter is super fucking long. (i actually finished writing that, TODAY!!! i just posted it on wattpad and now im posting the 6th one here :"D.

Im also going to post the chapters on twitter via links, i think thatd be rlly cool hehe. so like- feel free to get check that out. its @A_idiot56

Anywayyssss, make sure to eat, sleep, and drink water! i love yall <3

[undlewear]

this is unironically very true and real. everything about hate is easy, it is easy to allow yourself to feel it, it is an easy way to make yourself feel better, it is easy to fall into hateful patterns and remain there, and really - it is easy to stop feeling too, with a slight change to your mindset + if you are smart.

love comes with a multitude of other emotions, actions and reactions that are unpredictable, it is a dance that no one knows all the steps to. love requires you to be humble, gentle, forgiving, understanding, compassionate, complimentary, it requires you to step away from your ego and strip yourself of it at times, it requires honesty and loyalty, it requires a willingness to withstand hardships and a desire to navigate trouble, you have to be vulnerable and expose your insecurities, you essentially have to flay yourself and expose your beating heart to someone as they do the same, while you both hold a knife inches away from each other’s chests.

when you see older couples who have been together for decades, you have to ask yourself “how many times have they forgiven each other, and why?” - because that is the territory. i don’t mean forgiveness like “my husband beat my ass but i forgive him because we have children and i love him” or “my wife wanted to be polyamorous and i dont want that but i compromised because i love her” - that is being a passive doormat. love requires putting your foot down, a pair of firm, steady, unwavering hands that help guide each other when the going gets tough. you have to love yourself, too, and not in an egotistical “im better than xyz” way that is actually rooted in hate, it has to come from a place of respect for yourself and your partner, a willingness to be better for the both of you (and they should also strive to be better, too).

a problem in our young adult generations (millennial and gen z) is the massive fucking ego, the individualism perpetuated by social media (which sounds like an oxymoron since its supposed to promote togetherness and bring likeminded people together). so many people put their partners on pedestals just to watch them fall, and subconsciously get off on the pleasure of watching them fall because it feeds their ego and makes them feel better than their partner, or like they deserve more. if you have a shred of emotional intelligence or actual empathy, you will not put someone on a ledge and say “you could never make me mad” or “you could never disappoint me”, push them off, and be surprised that they cannot fly on the two wings you just sewed haphazardly to their back. those are impossible statements to live up to. same as saying “i’ll never hurt you” - most people mean “i wont cheat on you, abuse you or cruelly lie to you” - but to say you’ll never hurt your partner shows a lack of foresight and understanding about what love actually means long term.

people who are capable of love in the long term and following through on the vows of “for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, to love and to cherish, to death do us part” - that comes with real, tangible intelligence and mental strength. that shit will test your limits and make you a better person - you cannot be an idiot and have a lifelong marriage. my grandparents were married 60 years before one of them died, and even a year before said death, they had new trials to overcome together (being past the point of “will i lose this person because they want to leave me” and instead being in the place of “which of us leaves first, whose death will cause us to part?”)

to put it simply, hate is individualistic + simple minded + egotistical + requires no real effort (and i dont mean healthy expression of anger and microdosing being a hater in the funny sense, i mean actually being hateful and cruel towards people you care about because it makes you feel better about yourself and your own shortcomings). with love, you will dislike certain traits and mistakes that your partner has and makes, but you will use all the other skills required to OBTAIN love in order to MAINTAIN it because it is like a two trees, their roots grow together and rely on each other, you have to prune them and water them and shield them from harsh weather, and sometimes one will need more attention than the other - when a tree with connected roots struggles, the other will offer its strength and nutrients to help, because if one dies - they both do. love is selfless and altruistic, and when its been trained - it doesnt feel “high level” or difficult or like work, its like muscle memory.

[traashvoid]

Im gonna say it

"Its Because They Were Raised That Way" is the biggest bullshit excuse on the mfing planet when it comes to people not correcting their friends or family or community. I, after giving my Mother the chance to change as a person from when she raised me, and essentially putting boundaries down. She learned to listen and be more open minded despite her struggles to understand. But if you wholeheartedly know what you are speaking about, and can explain it using ways they would understand, and being straight about about facts- if they are willing to listen and change and they respect you and your thoughts- and if you state it in a way they do not feel attacked but more of a "oh hey speaking of that topic i learned that yadda yadda yadda" its so much more receptive. My Mother and I spoke the other day about voting with a license and the topic on "affordable housing" and the truth in homelessness. And she looked shocked if anything. She struggled her whole life. Mainly with abuse growing up, then abuse and poverty after she got away from her parents. But due to her extremely sheltered life. And I do quite mean she spent her first 18 years in an abusive controlling (and i do mean quite controlling but thats for another post) household where her father was racist and murderous, violent and unfortunately an angry drunk addiction. Then she married my dad some time after I was conceived. And knowing my transphobic, misogynistic and racist father- who ruined her credit btw and life at that point- was more than like an abusive situation too, but not as volatile and long as her relationship with my ex step-douche.

And THAT is a story and a half. But he too is a super racist, hateful bigot. Who quite literally has not a soul in his life rn because of it. AND YET HERE WE ARE- My mother who was raised and kept sheltered for almost 40 years of her god damn life- The same mother who thought the same typical non fact based "welfare illegals are stealing our jobs and money" bullshit ideas my grandfather and ex step douche always kept saying- Is now on the cusp of breaking through to being a leftist. With every conversation- she grows more informed, more willing to talk about these hard conversations with me. More willing to become humbled especially on something she knows nothing on. With enough work, compassion, and interaction. People *can* be helped. I also would LOVE to add that the differences here are that meanwhile I cut off people for their shitty words to me- It is up to them to take that cut off and reflect and *apologize* for their ignorance and assholish behavior. I will always always always vote and protest and fight for everyones equal rights, especially the right to a world where we all dont have to struggle and be so angry all the time. We deserve to have community, and to love one another. Dont give up on each other, and quit making excuses.

[thecolorsofpain]

I never thought of myself as the type of person, woman, that felt undeserving of the better things.

What I meant is that I never did anything horrendous to others to want to punish myself subconciously into thinking I am UNDESERVING of a better life, a better boyfriend, better house, better job or better circumstances.

I always knew my worth, I always knew the things I deserved, without the arrogant part of me wanting them.

I have never felt a side of me feel Mighty and more powerful than others. I never felt better than others in the sense that OTHERS could ne inferior than me.

Nevertheless, I do, feel better than others sometimes.

When I know I never could rip people apart to get what I want, physically hurt other beings or wish ill upon others.

I know that I am different from many people. I am different in the way that other people are different when it comes to being good and choosing to remain so.

I am different in the way that I don´t have evil in my heart as a beast I need to feed to feel alive.

Sometimes, rarely at times.... I feel like I must feed a small beast... only happens when people are cruel to me and others.

I think that is justified. I think it is heroic.

I always wanted to be a heroe more than a lover

Standing up for others has always felt like a passion. I like doind things with passion. Being heroic is a way of living through emotion.

The emotion of compassion, of empathy, of bravery, true humbleness. Taking a leap of faith for others when they need you and asking of nothing in return. Taking a leap of faith for yourself knowing your true value with no remorse or guilt.

It takes a fair amount of bravery to stand up for your value and showing your true worth to the world. Because it means letting go of the shame you feel when you differ from others`opinion on the value they think YOU have. It means believing in yourself before anyone else and making your own belief irrefutable. Impossible to negotiate.

It takes courage to fight the guilt and beat it to death. A guilt that can weight 19, 50, 100 or more people depending on how many beings you know and are important to you and your view of yourself. How selfish it may be to them that you comfortably, casually and freely chase your dreams and hopes. How it hurts them to see you fly like a bird, they dont mean to cage you, they just want to fly like you but its so hard for them to become the bird, so they make you feel guilty for flying wherever you want. They dont mean to, its human emotion to covet.

So when you feel and act your freedom, you begin to live.

I cant help to wonder what my life would look like on the inside if I didnt have emotional chains on my ankles.

Emotional paradigms within me.

I know I can do better.

My entire existance, my face, my body is glorious. I have a magnifique presence. A wonderful heart, full of hope, faith, thrill, mystery, joy, melancholy, extreme empathy and love. A limitless brain, insatiable for knowledge and anxious for experience. How could a women with intention be so struck in demise?

Sometimes I dwell on this thought too long during an entire day adn I can never find an answer. Because it feels as if it is deeper than I could comprehend.

I think about how complex my feeelings really are. The revolution inside of me that is constantly active. Trying to change me, trying to transform me and it does. And I am a slave of this revolution. I wish to heal myself to be better for myself , for what`s coming, for others, for the world and for a transcendental purpose that is still cooking.

I dont wish to be dragged in the mundane, in the banal, superficial, materialistic, capitalist concept of a human life. I hate it. but it seems as if everyone must, forecefully become that. It used to be a constant pressure to become that myself but now that I wish not to be a part of that misery and insanity, I much rather WAIT.

Wait for a sould that wants the same as me. Serenity. Freedom. Love. Spirituality.

I want to be my own and I dont want anything or anyone to own me.

But I always act out of emotion and love and pleasure, passion.

I think about my current partner and think, Am I making the right decision in staying with him?

Is his bloodline really good for me? do I really want to lace my ancestry with his? is it any good.

A family so broken like his and yet so close and intimate. It looks like a broken and burnt ceramic vase. glued together alll over the place, missing fragments and burnt on the edges while it is expected to hold water in it.

My family is a broken ceramic vase as well. But it has been broken and accepted it is broken. Not rebuilt and expected to be useful.

I think we are both birds of the same feather. I cant pick which is more harmful.

I know my family accepts him and welcomes him and makes him feel good at home despite the troubles they might have caused me in the past.

but his family doesnt welcome me at home with warm supper and warm hearts. They all are so broken they cant welcome another member of a family. I am hated by the father and my value is constantly deconstructed by him. He teaches his kids that a woman like me is unworthy of love and marriage and living. He has such a cruel view of woman and people. So broken and torn and dark and poisoned and rotten inside.

[amyluu1]

Check out the video I made for my good friend Adam!

Adam is honestly one of the best Arborists in the world! My dear friend is a Certified Arborist a Certified Genius and a Professional tree climbing maniac!

I have known and admired Adam for a long time and he is so humble and down to earth that he would never admit to being a genius but I remember along time ago when we were seniors at Alta High.

It was Adam, me and a handful of other close friends we grew up with prepping for Collège and applying to Universities and scholarships together as a group so that we could help each other with applications It was nice setting goals with friends and getting the advice and incite that a true friend may see that we dont.

It is awesome to have friends that are honest straight shooters that love you encourage you and want to support you so that you can develop and grow into the greatness that they know you deserve they encourage and get love and service from you because they are true friends that give you what they see in you including the greatness, love and compassion that is unique to you!

I opened his SAT test results joking that he shouldn't be ashamed of the low score I would discover. It turned out that the joke was on me when I opened the envelope and read the score outload I almost fell over. I remember reading his SAT scores and later I read two other letters that came with Adams test scores I didn't receive any letters with my test scores and no one else that we knew of did either.

The first letter was from MENSA International and explained a little about what the group was its history and how they wanted Adam to be apart of the groups future.

The second letter was way cooler because it was from the Director of the CIA! It was recruitment letter that started congratulating Adam for his high score and his placement with the elite 2% marking him as one of the smartest young minds in the nation by scoring in the upper 98th percentile meaning he scored higher than 98 percent of all test takers and was ranked even higher then most of the smartest 2% of people in the nation. The test results only ranked to the 98th percentile but the CIA discovered he scored better than 99.5% of all test takers and that he almost got every single test question right and only got one or two questions wrong.

Adam was offered a full ride scholarship and was planning on going to Stanford until right before his scheduled moving day he lost both his parents in a plane crash. I was actually helping him pack and we were filling boxes having fun I was snooping through his stuff and making fun of some of his stuff that he had kept from our elementary school days. I was happy and teasing Adam as I thumbed through a photo album his mom had recently made for him. She had paid to have all here old photographs copied and she compiled them in a scrap book photo album that had made it is actually really beautiful and put together nice it includes motivational quotes that are glued letter by letter next to pictures and stories about love family faith and so on. She made it by hand with love for Adam to take to Stanford.

Like I said before I was making jokes and being silly when Adams phone rang and he got the worst news of his life. His Mother and Father were killed when the small plane they were flying in crashed.

Adam never went to Stanford instead he stayed home and attended BYU so he could take care of his younger Sister and younger Brother. He graduated from BYU with Honors with Bachelors Degree in Horticulture. and then decided to get an MBA from Westminster's Gore School of Business.

I have watched in awe as he climbs through trees faster than I ever imaged possible pruning and caring about every single cut made in every single tree that he cares for from the biggest trees to the smallest.

Pruning and tree preservation are his signature services and what he loves to do. He doesn't love tree removals but when he has to remove a tree he can remove it safely and very efficiently!

Did I mention that I love work? Yes I do I can watch it all day long! It is fun and exciting watching skilled Arborists work the professionalism I have witnessed is second to none and just plain amazing.

For example watching Adam as He climbs to the top of huge scary trees then use big ropes, straps, carabiners, pulleys, cranks and other rigging tools to tie off and rope down huge branches, limbs, and gigantic sections of trunk that are over houses decks garages sheds fences you name it and I guarantee its safe from harm when Adam and his Company are the ones called to remove a tree that could cause serious damage and often does if left to unskilled or inexperienced tree cutters that don't or cant rig and rope down tree removals like the pros at Arbor Services!

If you live in Utah or Southern Idaho and you need tree care services connect with Arbor Services through their site below or

Call or Text 801-784-TREE to schedule a FREE No Obligation Estimate and Consultation With one of their Certified Arborists at a time that works best for you!

Your Friend Always,

Amy Luu

Check out my blog and learn more about me and what I do when I'm not creating content for and bragging about my Friends or Family!

Amy Luu

[squeiky]

Like this kind of stuff is why i feel i am too weird to be loved. Which i weird because i know people like me, or mythologize, or demonize me, but "love"? What is love?

Had freinds i thought would stay with me forever, but now we're just strangers. Had stuff toys i thought id never loose but now ill never find them.

Maybe im still dealing with greif. A childish, almost stupidly insignifigant greif, but greif nontheless. Or maybe i've moved on and the feeling just hits back once in awhile.

Would i, a person who purrs, be deemed some mythos creature? Or would i be simply estranged. A person who "purrs". Outcasted weirdo.

I feel like i need to warn people before the get close to me. Infact, i try not to get close to anyone at all.

Like, you live a whole first half of your life being shamed and punished for who you are, and being praised for being someone else. In the end, while i try to recover the fragments of myself, torn asunder by an early age, small questions arrise in my mind like this.

The awnser, is an obvious "yes". I know this, ive seen the internet, i listen to and see how people are comfortable around me.

Yet i guess its like, an inner process thing. Its hard to swap a mindset of self hatred and loathimg, of shame and mockery and disgust to something rather positive. To let myself be a little confident.

Im unsure if people talk about this, about that process. Its always "love yourself!" "Postive self talk!" Or something. It works! Dont get me wrong. The "stick with it till you believe it" shit works for some, yeah. But ive spent a good portion of my life in the habit of playing pretend.

So yeah. Right now im just.. acknowledging that yes. I am a little weird. Obtuse and unknowable. And yes, i do hate PARTS of myself. I understand i am flawed, and as much as i hate to admit it- i am not perfect. But through it all, i am trying, and that effort is worth it, that effort is worth me.

That as i am right now, is okay. Not perfect, perhaps not even ideal- but if i can learn to appreciate my existence, to acknowledge and accept that this is who i am right now. Im me. Not for anyone else, not for anything else. That through it all i exist, and deserve to exist.

That yes. I am who i am, and that is okay.

Weird, Fragmented, obtuse.

Powerful, determined, cool.

All of this is me. And i feel, by accepting that, i can accept the idea of positivity. I feel that by embracing who i am, flaws and all, that i can feel better about myself. That it first starts with acceptance. This acknowledgement and understanding of who i am, then continuing onward from there.

You know, my username, was a play on the noisee spongebob's shoes makes, and how i keep mispelling words.

Its cause spongebob is my favorite guy, and in a way through joking about a part of myself, i acknowledged that yeah. Thats something i do.

I guess now i should probably try a get a little comfortable with the idea of being err.. confident in myself.

Im so afraid of being see as those villians or the people of "vanity", being hated on for appreciating yourself. I desire to be humble, despite it not really being something that is natural to me (i am, frankly, quite vain.) Simply because its more socially acceptable, and well.. makes people like you more cause you dont actively challenge their ego.

But it makes me wonder why i got to this point of keeping my head down. Obedient, subservant, unconfident, small.

Its the words that i revert to when i feel this way. A little mouselet, if you will. Its like my brain believes if i am small, if i am weak and take up the smallest of rooms, somehow i shall surivive. If i simply stop moving, and pretend i dont exist, by proxy the evil beast will forget i am alive and everything will be okay.

I guess thats probably from some trauma i havent worked out, or dont want to work out honestly.

Either way, its almost painful, and frightening to try and be... confident about myself. As if i take up too much space.

If someone tells me i suck, i bark and say im amazing. If someone tells me i great, i turn off the comments and run away.

Its a weird phenonomon. I can only handle insults, but can never handle compliments.

So, of course, when i try to truely be like.. kind to myself, or compliment myself i always feel "vain" or like a villian. I feel too cocky, or too "big".

I guess thats why my self-compliemnts sound so overblown sometimes. I mean i literally do call myself stuff like "queen/king" or fucking "ultimate life form" "superior [blank]" "the best looking motherfucker in the entire world". Type shit. And yeah, it sounds way over the top, and overblown and funky.

But for some reason it helps. It just works. So im going to keep doing it i guess. And maybe i'll inch my way down into the softer compliments too? Untill im no longer reliant on people telling me who i am, or what ill be. Just untill i can look at myself in the miror a little longer, and think about how good id look with a little beard, and how good i look already.

Like, idk. As im typing this my instinct is to already pedal back and go "no no no no! You areny like that! People will hate you now that your openly stating you think your cool and that you like yourself!" So now im openly mocking that little fucker inside my brain. Including the fandom one who keeps trying to compare me to shadow the hedgehog, depsite the fact that i was like this BEFORE i knew he ever existed. Like fuck you fandom brain, for once in my life i am MAKING IMYOU PAY THE FUCKING RENT. Did this shit with pinkie pie and that fucked me up so badly that im never fucking with the fandom brain every again.

Already big whoop vent brain off, go fuck off goddamit.

Someyimes i wonder if im too weird. Like if i get too comfortable i start purring. Will people find this weird?

[kidpunkjunk]

how good is arcade gannon... really...

the best. hes literally the best. thats the answer thats it thats all hes the most good.

i was about to make a big long think piece but you know what no, fuck you, i shouldnt have to. i shouldnt have to explain or debunk or anything, if you have any kind of comprehension at ALL youd understand. he is, morally, one of the best people in the entire wasteland. he tries so hard and succeds as best he can. he wants the best for himself and everyone around him which cant be said abt most fuckers in the fallout world. hes so selfless and caring and just. fuck dude.

imagine coming from one of the most vile terrible factions in the fallout universe, imagine growing up with those ideals and yet realizing no hey fuck that, thats bad actually. he subverted the mindset he grew up with so extremely, joining a group almost the exact opposite of the envlave. and even within them you could argue hes one of the optimistic and idealist people. like. shit dude. "he joined bc of their resources and knowledge" are you kidding ?? his main goal is to help people, thats his main drive in life and you dare imply its anything else? you dare imply hes shallow and selfish and would use them just for their books? fucking really? sure its a PLUS but youre emptyheaded thinking thats the only reason.

i will never shut up abt his parallels to carla. he is out of time, hes a prewar relic, he doesnt belong in the shithole that is post nuclear wasteland america. hes something out of a pristine photograph, as perfect as one can get without trying, while remaining humble. hes honestly too good for the world he is in. "how good is he really" too good, hes too good, and i dont mean that in a "its unrealistic how good he is" way, i mean that his world doesnt deserve a man so good.

when they said he uses his enclave knowledge in the independent vegas ending (best ending btw) they dont mean the fascist ideas they held or the conservative mindset they had, dude they were SMART in the enclave, wildly intelligent!! fucking !! sentient deathclaws the fuck !! they had fountains of knowledge, rivalling the followers and the brotherhood. say what you want, yes theyre horrible people, but their scientists were near genius' !!! which made them all the more terrifying!! like Caesar if he wasnt a goddamn dumbass !! their best president was an ai !!! and you misinterpret that so insanely its not FUNNY. hes using all this forgotten knowledge, knowledge that would be lost forever, for good, and you think they meant he was instating fascist regimes into freeside? really? really? and he doesnt. he doesnt want to be his dad. he doesnt want to not want to be his dad or whatever the fuck. he wants his dad to be proud of him. bc thats his fucking father. enclave or not, whatever the hell, thats his father.

he hates the ncr because the ncr sucks. only good idea that the enclave held: ncr sucks. they do. theyre imperialist, theyre capitalists, they suck. regardless of who installed that opinion in him, its right, its correct. bootlicker.

i believe that during the battle arcade, like the other remnants, kept their face hidden so they could go abt their lives after. its entirely believable that noone knew it was him in the tesla armour and he could return to freeside. enclave knowledge and tech is invaluable, im sure julie was willing to not ask too many questions for such helpful and valuable prewar recources. and after he returned im positive that he did not strive for a place of leadership within the fort, i highly doubt it. give orders? where did it say he started giving orders? where? point me to it ?

this is the story of a man with a troubled past, who comes from.horrible roots, who wants to be better than what he was set up to be. its the story of a man finding his place in a world thats not fit for people like him. its the story of a man who wants his parents to be proud of him, without being what they wanted him to be, a thing so many people go through. its the story of a man who fears he is destined to be horrible but defeats his perceived fate. its the story of a good man. arcade gannon is a good man. and thats why hes my favorite character. fuck you.

[oliviamillss]

reading dreams chart

im only going to use up to orb 3, for stronger accuracy lmao

**if you can’t be bothered to read it all, theres a summary paragraph at the bottom**

sun:

sun in 7th: strong emphasis on relationships. tends to copy others lingo/habits. extroverted. probably ‘needs’ others. only really shows his true self around his close friends/family/partners. 

sun at 19 degrees: a libra degree. (emphasis on this bc libra rules 7h), makes him a very charming, likeable, particularly popular guy.

sun opposite ascendant: inner conflict, probably doesn’t feel like people see him for his true self, may struggle showing true self. may feel misunderstood. may need approval/validation a lot.

sun square mars: hints to daddy issues. may struggle with a lot of built up anger and frustration, but it seems like he takes it out very positively, as you can see he is competitive, so i think he lets it out through gaming. probably very energetic, motivated.

sun square saturn: high expectations for himself. probably the type of person to think ‘i’m only good enough if i do this’. probably very hard on himself. also probably very insecure of himself, but doesn’t show it. another sun square masculine planet, more hinting to daddy issues.

moon:

moon in 7th: probably relies on close friends/family/partners a lot. loves to help people, esp people he’s close with (kinda mr beast vibes). probably very like ‘oh shit, he’s sad, i need to do everything within my power to cheer him up’ if that makes sense lmao

moon in virgo: looking after people!!! esp with the sun square saturn,, high expectations. probably a very much perfectionist, which also explains why he is competitive. may ‘always need to be right’. but virgo moons are actually so lovely omfg

moon at 9 degrees: sagittarius degree, likes to help people by optimism, and giving things to the person that they would want (im aware that sounds obvious lmao). probably feels a sense of achievement when cheers them up.

moon square pluto: probably hard time dealing with and growing from negative things that have happened, possibly struggles with letting things go. possibly self destructive (why did that one heatwaves part come to mind), possible trust issues + anxiety, probably very particular about who he lets close into his life, maybe quite protective. 

mercury:

mercury in 6th: likes to help people, probably not disappointed if he spends his time working with someone, may struggle with anxiety/depression. a quick learner, probably overthink every word because it wast the ‘perfect’ thing to say. 

mercury in leo: funny asf, and out there, also thinks his ideas/things to respond and say are the best, with the 6h and 7h placements, he is open to listen to others, but in the end he only really wants his one lmfao, good with conversation.

mercury at 1 degree: aries degree, another fire placement which emphasises the loud, out there kinda vibes.

mercury trine mc: career and reputation are strongly linked with what he says. (this is obv bc hes famous lmao). he’s smart, particularly with technology and its linked to his career. *im aware this sounds like im just describing him, this is exact so thats why its overly accurate*

mercury opposite neptune: daydreamer, probably has a lot of thoughts and ideas in his head, but they just dont come across right. probably zones out, may struggle with focusing. but very creative, has big and creative ideas. i havent mentioned it before but its come up too many times now, but he has a lot of placements, when manifested badly, creates a good manipulator

mercury square jupiter: optimistic, possibly thinks his ideas are the best (we’ve covered that before), can be really overly talkative or just nothing at all. (i rlly dont know much about this placement)

venus:

venus in 7th: he will have a beautiful relationship with his future partner. charming asfff, probably a good flirt. tends to love love. needs to be liked, sort of a pleaser. 

venus in virgo: the type of person to remember everything about the people he cares about. loves to help the people he cares about. probably sees the people he truly loves as ‘perfect’, which may end up being really bad if they’re toxic. 

venus in retrograde: struggles feeling loved, possibly feels like he doesn’t deserve love. probably the type to be like ‘how could you ever love me?’

venus square mc: attract people who take care of him. either has self-esteem issues, or is quite a dependant person. creative. may struggle finding people who support his career, or may have to change a few things about himself to be liked by others. 

venus trine jupiter: very likeable, and he’s veryyy lucky. he’s funny, and a generous person, probably very giving to his close friends and family. charismatic asfff, likely he will marry someone foreign. 

mars:

mars in 9th: more things hinting to attract(ing/ed to) foreigners. loves experiencing things with people he cares about. likes to learn more and more, possibly stubborn, makes sure his opinions are known.

mars in scorpio: that boy needs privacy in his life, doesn’t like being predictable. probably an overthinker. we’ve already known this but he’s definitely a top. probably could get anyone he wants, seductive asfff. also pretty spiteful.

mars at 17 degrees: leo degree, fame bitchesss

mars square ascendant: hates to lose, competitive. people may be intimidated by him at first, can’t really hide anger, pretty stubborn.

mars opposite saturn: really hard on himself. wants to be the best of the best, leader. stands up for himself. another placement hinting to daddy issues. harsh about his work, and himself in general, perfectionist. 

mars square uranus: anger may change a lot, a lot of energy, probably struggles to focus, doesn’t like to be the one who is being controlled/has restrictions. probably struggles with authority. outbursts of anger.

jupiter

jupiter in 3rd house: loves writing, and is actually pretty good at it. knows how to talk to people, how to persuade them, and how to manipulate them. good liar, knows how to sell his wants across, how to get what he wants.

jupiter at 4 degrees: cancer degree, cancer rules his 6h. he uses his luck/money to help others.

jupiter square neptune: big dreams, desire to escape the world as it is.

saturn:

saturn in 3rd: afraid of/ is often misunderstood. struggles to open up?, maybe he wasn’t listened to much growing up. hard on himself academically, feels like he isn’t smart enough. hard time expressing himself. maybe feels like noone really cares for what he has to say?

saturn at 16 degrees: cancer degree. idk what else to say abt it lmaoo

saturn square ascendant: quite serious, maybe struggle with the way he looks? possibly quite overwhelmed about his life,, feels like he has too much to do at times. fear of rejectionnn

saturn square uranus: maybe he doesn’t like change, tradition v change clashing. authority troubles. probably needs freedom, but feels unstable without what he’s used to. rebelling against norms. 

uranus: 

uranus in 12th: probably very curious about unexplainable things, maybe quite into conspiracy theories. two complete ends of the spectrum: fear change/need it, unpredictable things happen/ everythings the same. 

uranus at 14 degrees: taurus. taurus ruling 2nd, i guess it shows change in dream’s wealth.

uranus opposite north node (and conj south node): with exceptions, doesn’t like conflict. he is fine with joke conflict, but the second there’s an actual argument he tries to be the ‘peacemaker’ guy. technology is major in his life. also quite nervous about his career/future. 

neptune:

neptune in 12th: awful sleep schedule. overworking himself, never relaxing. vivid dreams. once again, this has come up loads and i just haven’t mentioned it: intuitive asf, george is the same. whether either are aware of it or not, they are super intuitive.

neptune at 2 degrees: taurus degree.

neptune sextile mc: creative, also likes helping others, empathy to the public. has big dreams career wise. 

pluto:

pluto in 10th: determined person, gets a lot of hate, but also a lot of love. trust issues, persuasion/manipulative abilities. leader leader leader. another hint to daddy issues, maybe privacy invading, maybe overprotective. don’t want to be controlled.

north node:

north node in 6th: overwork himself. but i think we can interpret this as his life goal to be working to help people. literally mr beast. just work hard, and give a lot away. humble.

chiron:

chiron in 9th: possible restriction from either his or his communities beliefs/religions. maybe he’s afraid of leaving where he is right now (sapnap moving to orlando, whenever its brought up its always george coming to orlando)

lilith:

lilith in sagittarius: need for truth. dislikes restrictions. hides emotions, uses humour to avoid them/ make people think they’re okay when they’re not. stubborn asf. 

lilith in 10th: tend to be sexualised/ reputations for being sexual. another placement hinting to daddy issues. really wants to be at the top, the most powerful. likes using his dominance/ power to seduce. motivateddd.

lilith conjunct pluto (exact omfg): typical ‘mystery’ guy. probably the mystery/scorpio vibes he pulls off attracts/ seduces people. the most dominant partner ever. sex is probably so intense and overwhelming

moon square lilith: possible mummy issues. his need for sex can change quick asf, from one end of the scale to another. struggles to open up. 

 i ought to mention!!

there’s a theory that the degree of your venus sign is the birthday of someone who is v important in your life. what’s dreams you may ask? 1. and when are george and sapnap’s birthdays? the 1st. they’re soulmates, your honour.

summary!!!

basically, dream has so much care and love for his friends and family, and probably relies on them a lot. he only shows his true self around them, and he (at least thinks) people don’t really understand him in the way his friends and family do. he is a social person, who’s very likeable and charming. he lovesss helping people, doing everything in his power to cheer others up, he remembers details about the people he loves. he is such a perfectionist, needing to succeed and win and everything, and is very competitive. he probably doesn’t think he’s ‘worthy’ if he’s bad at something. he sets very high expectations for himself. he is very hard on himself. if he wants to, he knows how to manipulate people. he has so so many placements for an amazing manipulator. he may struggle to express himself or open up, and may be hard on himself academically. maybe he doesn’t feel ‘listened to’. a lot of emotions like anger and sex drive may change rapidly for him. he over works himself a lot. a major theme in his life is tradition vs change. he is probably afraid of change, or finds it uncomfortable, or he may have some sort of attachment to traditional values/things, no matter how much he wants to change. he is also a peacemaker. he was born to be loved or hated, kinda like marmite but if the balance was more equal. he doesn’t like restrictions. he uses humour to hide his emotions.

im also thinking of doing a synastry reading between george and dream but idk yet lol

hope you guys enjoyed, this took ages lmao<3

[kewltie]

thinking of bkdk in their late 40s when all their friends have already settled down with a family, izuku muses a lil forlornly how he would like to have someone to come home and katsuki just stares him dead in the eyes and says, "marry me then. i wont let you be lonely in that empty apartment."

the thing is bkdk are super successful heroes, they're the ranking no.1 and 2 and everyone knows their name but because izuku put so much effort into his career he never give himself the chance to meet someone and fall in love because the next things he know he's already 48 yrs old and still very single. as soon as he got right out of UA he had put himself right to work and hasn't truly stop since so izuku feels like he misses out on his youth, the flutter of first love, and now he feels like it's too late to grasp that chance again because he's too old to be stumbling around at love BUT here is katsuki suddenly telling izuku to marry him as though that would solve everything, solve izuku's worries and fears that he'll never experience love the way his friends had or knows what it feels to come home to a waiting arms that will comfort him after a hard day at work.

izuku first tries to laugh it off because katsuki cant be serious right?? but katsuki doesn't crack a single smile. "Do i look like im the type to joke about this kind shit to you?" he asks, voice steady and true. it is then that izuku realizes katsuki had meant every word he said.

but izuku still cant wrap his head around why would katsuki want to marry him of all things?? it is because they're both bachelor and wretchedly alone standing at the very top of their career where nobody can touch or hope to nobody can understand them like they do to each other?? izuku thinks that's a very dry reason to marry someone for the sake of convenience and not love at all because even though he'd devoted all his time to saving the world and helping ppl and HE'S OLD NOW but he still earnestly yearn to fall in love the ways all his friends had.

"If you needed company, we don't have to marry each other. I'm here for you always, you know that," izuku offers instead. "We're partners."

katsuki is silent briefly, then, he says, "You think i want to marry because you're convenience?"

Izuku blinks. "is that not it?"

"No," he says, all grave and serious, and for a moment izuku is breathless with realization.

"Oh," izuku replies, looking down at the table like it has all the answer in the world. "how long?"

"Since our third year at UA."

izuku jerks his head up, eyes wide with shock.

"what—I, wait, you can't mean that right?" he shakes his head as he flounders for the right words. they're both almost hitting their 50s now, so if it started in their third year then it would be 30 years of katsuki waiting for him, of pining over izuku and all that time was lost because of it.

katsuki press his lips into a thin line. "I have never lie to you."

"I—I'm not—" izuku flushes, because this wasn't anything he had plan for. who would anyway? no one would ever believe that katsuki has been in love with him for almost 30 years and izuku only found out about it now. even though katsuki has revealed the secret he has been hiding for 3 decades, izuku has no answer for him. he didn't notice katsuki's feelings for this long not because he chose to willfully ignore it but because he has never thought of katsuki in that light and that is the sad truth of it all. katsuki must have realizes that too because he doesn't press for more from izuku.

"i'm sorry," izuku says, mind racing to come up with a proper reply to katsuki's feelings because he deserves that much. "it's not you—"

Katsuki scowls. "shut the fuck up, don't even start that with me."

izuku quickly shuts his mouth, floundering for another reply that with save both of their feelings.

"Six months," katsuki says instead, eyes firm and never once dull since izuku has known him. "give me six months to convince you and if it doesn't work out we can get divorce then."

"you still want to marry me?!" izuku asks in disbelief. "shouldn't we like date first at least? isn't that how normal relationship work?!"

katsuki roll his eyes. "we co-own an agency, you have your toothbrush at my house, and we spent 18hrs out of 24 together almost everyday. our friends joke about us being a married to each other as much as to our work, we're each other's first emergency contact if something were to happen," he continues, straightforward like he's listing their grocery for today, "and i cant ever imagine wanting anyone more than i ever want you."

throughout this strange turn in their conversation, izuku realizes not once has he ever heard katsuki said he loves him but the way katsuki had revealed his unwavering devotion that lasts 3 decades and the dry, bluntness in which he spoken of wanting izuku, it's heavy. this hefty thing that katsuki has carried with him for nearly 3 decades, and in those years what izuku thought katsuki was just disinterest in any romantic connection because not once had izuku seen him look at another person, but it's because he has eyes only for izuku and nobody else.

izuku should have known never to expect anything less then 120% with katsuki because if there's anything that means something to katsuki, he would give it all and then some. it's humbling really, to be loved so fiercely and with such devotion that 3 decades is worth every second of it but izuku doesn't know if he's worth it especially when he's hesitant about his own murky feelings. he loves katsuki undoubtedly. they're partners in more way then one, but he doesn't know if he can love katsuki the way he deserves to be love in return, to return that same level of intensity.

"and what if the six months went by and there's nothing show for it?" izuku mumbles, hands clasp together under the table. i dont want to ruin this friendship of ours, he doesn't say. "what if you get bored with me and realized this isn't something you want now. what happen then?"

"you're stuck with me for life even if we get a divorce. i won't let you ever get rid of me either way," katsuki says, lips twitching with the slightest hint of amusement. "and if you're worry about me getting bored of you, don't. i fucking wont." It’s firm, assured, and completely sincere.

izuku thinks anybody with a half a brain at all would see this admirable man right in front of them with his unwavering affection and devotion that he had nurtured for 3 decades would be half way in love already, but izuku neither race or skip a beat; it remains dull and unmoved. maybe he's really too old to love like this. maybe, it's not that he's too busy to ever search for it like everyone else but because he has all the love for everyone but none ever hold a special place in his heart. for all of katsuki's sharp edges, his feelings burn ever so brightly while izuku has since been numb to his own emotions. to give too much to the world, to his job that he has never let himself fall freely and unconditionally. it's terrifying.

"what if i hurt you instead?" he says, quiet and severe. "what if in the end i couldn't return what you've given me?"

katsuki doesn't answer right away. the air around them tenses, threatening to suffocate them in the waiting silence. then a hand grab his and draws it toward katsuki's chest. "don't fucking underestimate me, idiot. i can and will make you fall in love with me in 6 months. 6 months is more than enough to make you realize what a fucking dumbass you have been the entire time for not taking notice of me while i have been looking at you for almost half of our life," he says with the cocky assurance that propelled him to the no. 2 position and beyond.

for the first time since this exchange had started and taken a strange, strange turn that left him his world shaken to its core, izuku's heart feels lighten. He stifles a giggle. "i still think we should date at least. marriage is maybe jumping the gun a little too soon."

"No." Katsuki's eyes narrow, and he squeezes izuku's hand firmly. "i'm not giving you any chance to escape from this. we can do all the dumb dating things you could ever want but we're getting marry first."

izuku tries to draw his hand back but katsuki remains undeterred. "Kacchan, please," he says. half begging for his hand back and half pleading against his insane idea. who in their right mind would ever marry first then date each other?! That's just not how it work! yet, katsuki is an unmovable fortress against increasing izuku's distress.

"deku," he says, thumb running across izuku's knuckles in a soothing circle, "give me this chance. let me prove it to you that i can do it. take this leap of faith with me and i won't disappoint you. trust me with your heart like you trust me with your life and i promise i will keep it safe."

izuku draws out a long, lingering breath that leaves his head heady with a dawning realization. "o-okay," he finally acquiesces, shaken with the knowledge that his heart suddenly doesn't feel safe at all for the first time in a long time in the hands of the man in front of him. bakugou katsuki is dangerous, but to the tender beat of his heart.

Katsuki's lips stretch upward into a small, precious smile that rarely see the light of day, leaving izuku breathless just for a moment. "we'll go get the marriage license tomorrow."

"tomorrow?!" izuku shrieks.

maybe he has been wrong all along, maybe you're never too old fall in love and experience it for the first time and that sometimes the things that matter the most to you are always worth the wait even if take 3 decades and katsuki always been more patient then people give him credits for.

[sugar-spice-everything-vice]

I usually write OC fics because OCs are fun, but I don't like to have more than one or two cause it's hard to manage so many threads but shameless has me in a chokehold and there are way too many things i want to address/fix so I've gone and made a whole family so I can address all the different things but also keep that same family sticks together and supports each other vibe that is core to shameless

#1 thing for me is hispanic representation; the show gave me a taste with anne and then shot me right in the chest; thats fucked up, man; as of 2022, chicago's hispanic population makes up 28% of its demographic which mexicans being the most prominent hispanic population in that percentage. now, i know the southside specifically is predominantly white--jewish, polish, and irish, hence the Gallaghers and Milkoviches; but still the representation feels uneven

all that to say my OC family is Mexican--The Vázquez Family; there's 4 of them--they all share the same dad, but they don't all share the same mom.

the oldest is Nora; she's gonna help me deal with some of the Fiona stuff I really didn't like in the show; namely, 1. Fiona should've been bisexual, idc; i'm giving Fiona a bi awakening; i also wanna address the biphobia of some characters 2. Fiona didn't need to leave the south side; the south side wasn't the problem; the problem was the people around her; all she needed was someone to actually support her and be there to pick her up; she was always there for her family, but then they weren't there for her in the same way--which makes sense because of the mother/children dynamic they have, but like she deserves that support from someone; also i really like when there's a friend trio so V, Fiona and Nora are gonna be savage together

next is Alessandra; she's trans representation because I don't think they did the best job with that; they didn't do the worst job; but some of it was kinda weird? i dont have all the words for that yet; but also im adding a Milkovich OC too and she and him are gonna be a bit messy at first but wholesome like V and Kev because we need more of that

then the main one, Ximena; I'm saying from the bat that she's autistic, but she doesn't know it at the beginning; she's gonna be what Carl deserves; but also just two different types of autistics understanding each other; she's kinda fucked up and a mess so her relationship with Carl is going to be messy; buuut Carl needs someone who supports him, yes, but also listens to him, understands him, helps him communicate, is patient with him, doesn't judge him or look down on him for how he is, etc. I also want to explore him having a disability; do more with white boy carl and give that arc depth;

and last is Marko; he and Ximena are the same age, but not twins, they just have different moms; he's gonna be the friend Carl needed to help with his character development and give him someone else who isn't a love interest to support him and be there for him

The Milkovich OC is Avgust, known as Aggy; and I created him cause I don't feel like the show did a good job with certain things re: the Milkoviches; I think an older brother figure that is not a piece of shit would be good to help spur on certain character development for Mickey and also Mandy (who I am going to have leave, but then come back and actually come back and rekindle her friendship with Ian). Though I'm unsure what to do with Mandy outside of this; but maybe her become a secure independent woman is what her growth should be about

Am also thinking about Svet because I like her a lot and she deserved better; learning toward keeping her, v, and kev together and just choose to ignore the cringe ICE mini-arc situation and V's out of character lack of empathy

Still working out what I'm going to do with Lip; I want to give him the character arc he should've gotten where he gets humbled; but I'm still deciding the best way to go about that and then I have to think about what that would end up changing in the overall plot; but I'm pretty inclined to have him get beat up at some point cause he deserves it

Also still working out what to do with Debbie; Ximena is definitely going to be friends with her cause she needs a friend! I thought I was going to like Sandy and I was thinking of doing something with that but I didn't so I'm in limbo here; although part of me wonders if a relationship is what Debbie needs; she's spent so much of her life chasing for a relationship and love that maybe the best end point for her is to be single, but have a strong group of friends that support her and are there for and to learn to be okay with being single because she can get love in other forms?? still thinking about it.

And Liam; still thinking about what specifically to do with him too, but I want to make him a well fleshed out character with complex relationships with his siblings, which the show really didn't do well at all; definitely want more sibling bonding with him and Carl they are so cute together and I think Carl could be a good role model for Liam cause Liam is too much like Lip and he doesn't need to go down that path to being a dick

i did say it was a lot!!

am open to suggestions and questions!!

Carl Gallagher deserves a good girlfriend

100% ! im working on it lol got a fic in the works but its !! a lot!!

[honeypirate]

Train Ride Pt Two

Aone x y/n

A/n: i found a cute bento box on Pinterest and that inspired that part, is not the exact same though.

Part one Masterlist

Aone wouldn’t lie, he was nervously excited to see you again. He’s noticed you before, many times actually, you caught his eye once when he happened to see you play, when you took a spike the face and saved the ball and he couldn’t help but be in awe of you because of how you brushed it off. You had no nosebleed so you finished the rest of the game but the next day at school he noticed you during lunch and you had a big black eye. He heard you talking to your friends about it and how you said that mistakes happen in volleyball and in life and that’s how you learn, he was impressed. He thought you were sweet and humble but what he liked the most about you was that you were tough. He liked you yes, but what he struggled with was that he didn’t know how to talk to you. He would have really preferred any other way that didn’t include his teammates. But he was glad he has that window to be able to talk to you now and he can’t wait to see you again tomorrow.

Before bed you made yourself a lunch to bring and “accidentally” made more than enough so you could have an excuse to bring some for Aone. You make identical bento boxes for you both, Turtle shaped onigiri, two placed to look like they were kissing, some sautéed tofu, vegetables you shaped like flowers, and some apple pieces with hearts cut into the skin. Probably overkill with sweet lovey dovey but you couldn’t help it, you liked him. You set the boxes in the fridge and make a sticky note reminder to not forget them on the front door. Before you got in bed you texted Aone “are you awake still?” He responded with a simple yes so you called him so you could hear his voice.

“Hello?” He says, answering on the last ring almost too late. He stared at your name on his phone vibrating in his hand for what felt like forever before he panicked and clicked answer just because he knew he wanted to talk to you. Your voice was sweet to his ear, “Hey I just wanted to ask if you wanted to walk together to the train station or if you wanted to meet there?” He felt butterflies in his stomach, his face was flushed, and his palms clammy as he paced in his bedroom. “Yes” he says and you chuckle sweetly “yes?” You question and he curses in his head before taking a breath and saying quietly “I’d like to walk with you” you can’t help the smile that breaks out on your lips “good. I would like that too. Okay then I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Aone. Have good dreams” you say and his heart feels like its beating out his chest and he smiles as he hears you say his name “Goodnight y/n. Sleep well” he says before hanging up.

The next morning you’re up early, extremely early since you couldn’t sleep very well, you were too excited to walk with him to be able to shut your brain off. You change into your volleyball shorts and a tee shirt before slipping his sweatshirt on over the top and a pair of loose cotton pants over the top of your shorts to help you stay warm on your walk. You cover up the zit that just happened to pop up on your cheek but that was the only makeup you put on. You slipped an extra hair tie on your wrist for later because the one you’ve been using feels like it could break then grabbing your gym bag and your backpack you head downstairs to make some breakfast before it’s time to go.

You prepare a quick tamago kake gohan and some miso soup, you think of Aone and wonder what his favorite breakfast is. You pack up your breakfast like always to eat on the train and consider packing some for him as well, but since you made him lunch you thought it might be weird and instead settled for packing up extra and offering it to him.

You place the lunches in your gym bag and your breakfast in your backpack and go to slip your shoes on and wait by the door, discarding the sticky note reminder.

A soft knock on your door makes your heart race and a smile tug on the corners of your lips, you slip on your backpack before putting the gym bag across your body as well before slipping on a black beanie that said ‘I’m a big fan of space, both outer and personal’ and opening the door to see Aone, his hands in his pockets and wearing black sweats and a black hoodie that looks like the one of his you’re wearing. You smile big “good morning Aone-kun!” You say and he blushes and tries to hide the small smile on his lips “good morning y/n” he says quietly as you step out, closing the door behind you.

“I hope you don’t mind” you say and tuck your hands into the front pocket of the hoodie a little dramatically “but you’re never getting this sweatshirt back.” He blushes and his heart rate quickens when you look at him with a sweet smile “it’s the most comfortable thing I’ve ever worn and I think it’s big enough to fit us both together” his face gets even redder “I don’t mind. You can have it. I-it .. ah.. it l-looks good on you” he fumbles through the compliment and you can’t help but smile at his adorable shy awkwardness. “Thank you Aone-kun” you say softly and place your hand on his arm as you wait for the train “if it really does bother you though I’ll be glad to give it back. Tomorrow though because it’s all I brought to keep me warm” you chuckle and he looks at you with a small smile, his face the reddest you’ve seen, “I want you to have it. I like it” he says with a burst of confidence that it gives you goosebumps and makes your heart skip “you’re so sweet to me Aone-Kun” you say softly, both of you entering the train and sitting in the same spot as last time.

You pull out your breakfast and start to eat, he starts to text someone and for a few minutes you sit in silence as the train moves along. “Did you have breakfast this morning?” You ask as you look down at your food he mumbles something that’s an obvious no “do you want some of mine? I made too much” you smile and turn to him holding out your breakfast. He turns bright red and slowly nods, it looked delicious and he was hungry, he just didn’t have time today. “If you’re sure” he says and reaches out, “of course I’m sure! Eat up!” You say and place your hand on his forearm with a smile.

When he’s done you stash the empty containers back in the backpack, satisfied and heart warm being able to feed him breakfast, you liked the idea of taking care of him. You hope he likes your lunch as well.

When you exit the train you feel the wind had picked up, you wrap your arms around yourself and shivered you look over at Aone and notice his ears are red from the cold. “Hey hold on one second” you say and pull your hat off, running your fingers through your hair, he watched you with his eye brows furrowed “here” you say and pull your beanie down over his head covering his ears “now you can stay warm” you say and smile. His heart beat skips and his cheeks flush a bright red. He usually had a beanie but forgot it today, this small act from you made him feel so special. “Are you sure?” you shove your hands into your front pocket and nod “I’m positive”

He gets quieter the closer you get to school, the more kids around and more commotion had him responding quieter so only you could hear him. “So maybe you could show me your pet turtle tonight?” You ask nonchalantly and he blushes again, his face will be permanent pink around you for a while, “he’d love to meet you” he said back. You were early to practice so you stood in the hallway between the different gyms, looking at each other sweetly and talking. “Hey I hope you don’t find it weird” you say and pull out the lunch from your gym bag “I made too much lunch so I brought you some” you say and hold it out to him. He looks at the small package in your hands, an unknown feeling spreading through his chest and into his ribs, like electricity under his skin. He feels so soft and he can’t help loving the way you’re looking at him right now. Loves you taking care of him. Even if it’s only been a day since you really met he can’t help the sweet feeling in his heart and the butterflies that filled his stomach. You on the other hand felt nervous, your palms sweaty and heart racing, he’s looking at the lunch not saying anything and not taking it, you feel like you could die right this second until he slowly reaches out and takes the lunch from you. He meets your eye and you think they look a little misty. “Thank you y/n-Chan” he says softly and then he leans down and kisses your cheek.

You could die right this second but now for a different reason, he kissed your cheek oh my god he kissed you! This is HUGE! You smile goofy and happy up at him, your heart fluttering and butterflies in your belly as your fingers lightly touch your cheek where his lips touched. “Do you wanna walk home together too?” You ask quietly and he nods “yes, please” he says and your smile widens “good. I do too” you say a excitedly and you both blush.

“What’s going on here?” Koganegawa whispers to Futakuchi as the team stands down the hallway looking at the two of you, “he’s….He’s talking to her?” They stand there stunned, they’ve never heard him talk so much and he’s just, talking to you. “And what’s that beanie?” Futakuchi points out. Who were you and how did you get him to talk? Did you give him your beanie? He’s been in the team for a while and they’ve heard enough words to could on one hand, maybe two. He was blushing and smiling, nothing like his usual date tech iron wall Aone self. They were shook to say the least.

“Aone-kun I think your team is staring” you whisper and then you laugh when he looks over and scowls “dont give them too hard of time” you say and then pause, placing your hand on your chin thinking about it for a second as you look over at the frozen team. “well, unless it’s truly deserved” you say and laugh before looking back to Aone who’s been studying your beautiful face this whole time.

You two have been staring at each other smiling like idiots for way too long, all the bystanders started to feel weird watching and your cheeks hurt from smiling so much at him. You shake yourself out if it and cock your head which he thinks is so cute. You hear volleyballs hit the court and your team start to chat inside, signaling the time to leave. “Have a good practice! Be careful and don’t get hurt, I know you’re the iron wall and everything but still” you smile up at him and then take one step towards him, closing the distance and placing a hand on his chest as you stand on your tip toes to give him a sweet kiss on his chin/jaw since it’s the only thing you could reach. “I’ll see you later” you whisper, your hand still on his chest and you could feel his heart beat under his sweatshirt, strong and fast, his face red and his lips smiling, he looked so sweet and cute. He grabs your hand as you turn to leave and you turn back to him with your head tilted, his eyebrows are furrowed and he looks like he wants to say something, you can’t resist how cute his blush is and you reach out without thinking and place your hand against his cheek. His eyes widen for a second and so do yours before he reaches up and places his hand on yours, it’s like your small touch cleared the fog of overthinking in his brain and he feels comfortable with his words “be careful. Don’t get hurt” he says and you grin “I’ll do my best” you say cheerfully and softly move your thumb across his cheek before sighing at the same time as him which turns into you both chuckling before parting ways, you hearing his team shout at him the moment you disappear.