#depressionisadisease

[hellgalrules]

***Possible trigger warning***

ADDICTION

What's an addiction?

According to an American psychiatric association addiction is a complex condition, a brain disease that is manifested by compulsive substance use despite harmful consequence. But, is it limited to ONLY substance abuse?

People are amazed to know when I tell them that I am not on weed anymore (smoke in general) and how I left alcohol ages ago. FIRSTLY, I was not addicted to that stuff. SECONDLY, it does not provide me any sense of relief from my pain and stress. It doesn't used to make me feel "good".

My addiction~

Self harm

Can self harm be an addiction? Can causing yourself pain be an addiction? Yes, it can!

I know, you must be wondering that how harming yourself be "good"?! How someone cutting and burning his/her skin be pleasing? How any of that be satisfying? Well here is a scientific explanation to that-->

Self harm releases endorphins (happy harmones) just like any other time you feel pain. These hormones are natural opiates and work to ease the pain. It becomes like a distraction from the mental pain that a self harmer goes through.

"Generally it is not the action itself that is addictive, what is addictive is the feeling of relief that comes with it."

Self-harm is an addiction because of the immediate sense of relief it provides to someone who does it. When a person is in the mindset of wanting to self-harm, there is a high level of stress, anxiety, or depression; much the same way that someone who smokes cigarettes and feels instant relief, someone who injures themselves feels an immediate sense of relief. This is instant, and the next time the feelings arise the person knows what worked last time, and they go back to it.

You don't need to be hooked on a drug to have an addiction. I sometimes cut just to cut, even if nothing bad has happened- that's the addiction. My body is craving the endorphins. A fall back system that I can easily lean on when I am not feeling happy and need an instant dopamine boost. Like anything though, it wears off and then you're just left with a bunch of nasty scars. It's a slippery slope, if it's not too late for you get help immediately. I can't express this enough!

[stephenscottday]

The darkest time of my life is now a short film. First, a little back story:

I was sitting on my patio with my hands cuffed behind my back trying to answer all the questions the police were asking me as I watched my mother crying in the doorway. There were a few cops inside, searching my room, probably for other weapons or maybe drugs or whatever. They confiscated my step-dads shotgun, which was a gift recently given to him by his dad. I was barefoot and in my boxers in the back of the cop car for the forty-five minute drive to the emergency psychiatric ward. On the ride there and for the next few days I could not stop thinking about how scared my mom and family must be. My mom jumped on my back when she saw me hovering over the gun, she had to hear me damning my existence, her own son. My four day stay gave me more than enough time to reflect on my actions and my feelings that lead me to them. I met people with a variety of different illnesses. I heard stories of internal and external adversity, and I heard it straight from the mouths of the people it affected so regularly. These experiences began to reveal the bigger and nearly hidden picture of people facing the issues of mental health and the systems put in place to help them and how ineffective those systems can be and how mysterious these problems are.

Months before all this I was living in Austin, TX. I lived in a one bedroom apartment by myself. All my friends and family were back in Los Angeles. I made a couple friends there in Austin but wasn’t hanging out with them very often. I was a real estate agent, Uber driver and Postmates driver. None of my jobs really had co-workers. Instead my jobs meant interacting with new people every day for brief periods of time. It wasn’t long into this lifestyle that I started feeling the effects of isolation. I became debilitatingly depressed. I found myself drinking and smoking in excess. I spent night after night by myself, crying and wishing I didn’t exist. I wished for a button to press that would quietly, unobtrusively delete me from history. I valued the end of my terrible numbness more than I did the well being of my friends and family. That is to say I stopped caring about who might weep for my death.

I got a therapist and shortly after that I moved back to LA. Things were better but I was still a bit shook. There were a couple months I was feeling particularly lost and anxious and that’s when the whole shotgun and trip to the psych ward thing happened.

I’m here now writing this (on my way to the beach for my cousin’s birthday), so you know I made it out of all this shit alive. I can confidently say that I’ve amassed enough of an emotional/psychological toolset to keep me out of those super low lows. I still have lows because like anyone reading this, I am a human. Unlike before, I now see no low worth my resignation to life.

The biggest set of tools I have can be categorized as “sense of belonging”. Humans are inherently social beings, whether or not we need tons of alone time. When a group of people have a common goal that they’re genuinely enthusiastic about, there is a deep fulfillment that makes it near impossible for depression to rear its ugly head. I got a job with co-workers who I loved to be around. I doubled down on my art and months later I was doing what I loved for a living. I began spending more time with people pursuing the same things as I was. It’s good to have any kind of extreme intimacy but the most potent kind is with someone that you share goals with. Find a tribe to hunt with and you’ll seldom be tempted to escape existence.

There’s a handful of things that helped me through those dark times, but there are a couple really important sources I’d like to share:

Tim Ferriss’ “Some Practical Thoughts on Suicide” http://tim.blog/2015/05/06/how-to-commit-suicide/

Sebastian Junger’s “TRIBE” https://www.amazon.com/Tribe-Homecoming-Belonging-Sebastian-Junger/dp/1455566381

For the longest time I’ve suspected there to be a huge disconnect between the way humans have evolved to live and the way modern, developed (and mostly Western) society has been designed. Though I’ve seen plenty of films dealing with isolation and depression, none have really addressed directly the things that made my experiences so excruciating. Out of my experiences I’ve made a film reflecting the causes of my sickness and the values that have helped me overcome it. It’s called “A Short Introduction to Love and Purpose”. Though there are many more facets to what I went through, I made sure that the film embodied the most important things: isolation, feeling hopeless, and not being able to recognize that same thing in anyone other than yourself.

I hope that at the very least the film could be an insight into one of the many ways depression takes a hold of people every day, and that if anyone facing these things themselves sees this film they can find some sort of catharsis or hope in getting through their darker times. https://vimeo.com/217615235

A Short Introduction to: Love and Purpose (2017)

[samyjo6542]

#miserylovescompany #beyourownhappiness #crazyisascrazydoes #dontlettoxicpeopleruinyourlife #nopitypartieswanted #depressionisadisease #happinessisthecure #wordsofwisdom

[1antoniowrightthigpen-blog]

IN SPITE OF WHAT YOU MAYBE GOING THROUGH TRUST ME YOU THE WORLD IS GOING TO GO ON WETHER YOU ARE STANDING ON TOP OF IT OR STRETCH OUT 6FEET UNDER IT...I've been through it all and still dealing with some things. I've been @rock bottom, I've been hurt, I've been lost, & uber depressed but I KNOW WHO TO CALL ON! If you just need someone to talk to from time to time well so do I so let's connect...I'M HERE FOR YOU! #depressionisadisease #fuguy #happyguy #faithfulguy #1manmanytalents #1antoniowrightthigpen #thewrighteous1 #themasonbar16 #themanknowscouture #artist #blessed#brooklynhairstylist #newyorkhairstylist #freelancehairstylist #celebrityhairstylist #editorislhairstylist #industryhairstylist #salonhairstylist#malehairstylist #fashionreference #fashionobsessed#luxurybrands #designers#musicians#legends#meninfashion #style#manstyle#meninfashion #luxurybrands #eyeforfashion#eyeforart#music

[moodybroodysblog]

Found out my younger brother is really depressed... Kind of killing me to find out when he texts me how upset and lonely he feels. I think I know part of the reason why- they must be fighting again, my folks and probably bringing my brother into it. My brothers extremely sensitive, I think more so then the hard shell I can be when things get bad. I wish I was there for him. I pray he doesn't try to do anything to himself and that he feels better and can avoid the tension-especially in the summer. I don't want him to fall to pieces like I did when I was a young teenager... It honestly fucks you up in a way, and you can't quite get over stuff like that completely.

[mitra-n-madness-blog]

The Pratyusha Banerjee “Case”

WARNING. This is going to sound rude and insensitive, but I think that it is high time people understand the severity of this issue. I am not against people who suffer from depression, I have been there myself. However, what is wrong is wrong, and sugar coating things is not going to help anyone. I’m not saying depression is a sin, but suicide IS; and this need to embedded in EVERY head. 

I'm not much of a T.V person, but still I usually follow one thing at a time throughout. There was a time, many years back when a little plump ‪#‎Anandi‬ and a mischievous little ‪#‎Jagya‬ were too adorable to ignore. Before the show turned into a typical irritating disaster, ‪#‎Balikavadhu‬ used to be a household favorite. I still remember when little Anandi secretly ate a Laddoo with her "husband" not able to resist hunger on a fast. I remember how she was locked in an old room, I remember her cries so clearly. I remember when her sister-in-law got widowed, that haunting scream still makes my heart skip When I recall the episode. I remember not wanting to continue watching the show when we heard that #Anandi and #Jagya would be grown up. Then, I remember the new #Anandi and #Jagya being quite convincing and watching it anyway. One of the last things I remember is #Anandi finding out about her "Husband's" second marriage. I remember her locking herself in the bathroom and crying. I also remember her fighting her battle and coming out stronger. Then, I did stop watching the show, along with many other viewers. What I realize is that as viewers, we usually link the Actor with the Character and start believing that the Actor is no different. That's probably why it was such a disappointment seeing her as a "Delicate Darling" sorts in Big Boss. I had no idea then, that disappointment wasn't that. It's this. This is beyond shocking and quite frankly disgusting. #Anandi would have never done that, no matter how bizarre the show made her later on. Life is tough. I remember a 19 year old me having such thoughts once upon a time and even once after, and I remember telling myself that I'd rot in hell for doing something like this. There is not a person alive, who hasn't though of ending their lives at some point or another. The beauty of human beings, I think is that we all are so broken somewhere inside and yet we all smile and live with grace. That's strength, that's grace. Look around, just look into random eyes, even of people you don't know too well, you will definitely see some hurt somewhere in them. What if we all started hanging ourselves for that? Would the world be a kinder place? Would that solve anything? If yes, I am willing to do it instantly. But it doesn't, ‪#‎PratyushaBanerjee‬. If taking someone else's life is a crime, so is taking your own life. You should be punished for this, but you're dead now. Excuse my harsh words, but it's true. You know who will be punished now by your "bizarre" act now? Your parents, your family and your friends. They will be haunted by your memories life long. You didn't make it easier for yourself, you just made life shit for 2 people who brought you to this world. ‪#‎Shameonyou‬. No problem, no stress, and definitely no "boyfriend" is worth something like this. No, I don't know what you were going through and what your problem really was, but I just know it couldn't be big enough. My mind is going haywire all morning, can anybody imagine the state of her parents? People are prone to fall prey to weakness. It is just a natural phenomenon. But this, this is just sick. 24 years of trying, and that's all your heart could take, eh? ‪#‎Coward‬. Then, a few days ago, there was another news that her fan hung herself in front of her 1.5 year old son. Can anyone explain that to me? Is everyone going to justify that with sugar coated quotes? Depression and suicide have a very strong bond, which must be broken. It is high time.  . Prayers for her family. #Shameonyou #Pratyushabanerjee Doubt that you will ever rest in peace.

[therealdustyc]

What it feels like to need help, but not want it. Been taken down, people say get back up, sometimes you are knocked out and can't move. #trdcart #PTSDAwareness #chronicillness #depressionisadisease (at Life)

[hellgalrules]

Unheard whispers~

Entry-1

After being diagnosed with depression for almost a year, I've recently started to feel somewhat "normal". But still I am not sure of when I will get triggered and become lifeless again. Every day I battle depression, anxiety.. I battle myself. I haven't shared this with anyone, not even with my friends or any family member. In fact, I have isolated myself more because of my situation. The thing is, people don't get what I am going through and it's worthless to share about my mental illness as they don't get it. Moreover, I see people around me got their own fair amount of problems to deal with, so why disturb and cause them any trouble?🤷 So, here I am AGAIN posting this useless thing and just venting out. Because that's what I've always done since I was a child; then on a piece of paper and now on the internet, making a fool out of myself online.🤡

Anyway, here is the story. It's about my self-harm scars/cuts. As you know from my previous post I have left all kind of toxic stuff and with that I have become more conscious and self aware about myself. Due to which I have become more aware of my physical form and of the outside world. Now when I see people noticing me, I feel like they are noticing my scars, even if they are not. When I was depressed(less body conscious) I wouldn't even care about someone noticing them. But now I always worry if anyone's going to notice them. And the ones that notice(*sigh* don't ask me), out of which few ask me about those scars out of curiosity(just to get out some interesting story) while the rest of them just give me that look and that nervous smile(gosh that nervous creepy smile, that's the part where they are judging me). There is this constant thought always running in my mind of being judged by people because of my cuts/scars.🤦

Though I am not ashamed of my scars, neither do I regret having them. After all, every scar tells a story. It's a reminder for me of how have I survived those dark times. I can only hope that people don't judge me and just mind their own business.🙄

End

[epitomeofafatshionista]

Rest on beautiful @simonebattle #simonebattle #depressionisadisease

[bradduron]

#anxietyattacksaturday #aas #fml #sickandtiredofbeingsickandtired #depressionisadisease #ihatethis (at My Cave aka My Room )

[vodkah]

Is that you in the picture. Holy hell 💕💕💕💕💕💕👌😍

yes it's me, why? :D

[moodybroodysblog]

Hey y'all just to let you know I'm feeling pretty sad today. Don't know why exactly.... Maybe it's just my hormones, or my anxiety acting up, maybe it's the fact when my folks called me today to visit they were being pretty demanding and a bit nasty and maybe that's triggering my anxiety and sadness... Regardless I don't want this morning sad to get me for the rest of the day. Depression and anxiety runs rampant in my family and it can definitely make someone feel terrible and even outright nasty themselves. So I'm trying really hard not to give into those feelings today and I'm going to make today really sunny as I can.

[hellgalrules]

Yo it's ya boi! You know me😎

Got some good news for y'all out there.. I am 3 MONTHS clean of weed (smoking in general).

You heard me! I feel so good about it, moreover proud of myself because to be frank, I was getting used to that stuff and didn't really thought that I would be able to quit and detox myself but I DID THAT!! I have to admit that I was trying to kill my depression, stress and anxiety with it, but in reality it doesn't help you cope with any of that, it just used to make me calm. I mean, that's how it worked for me, though its effect varies from person to person. I was getting too calm, almost feeling numb for days, eventually making me feel depressed in the end, which was not good for my mental health.

Finally I am free of that stuff and don't need it anymore in my life. YAY!!😊

I am posting this because many of you out there are trying to quit smoking/ drinking/ any of your bad habit and it almost feels like next to impossible but it's not. Trust me on that! If I can, you can too.

[hellgalrules]

I am chartreuse

like an aging bruise.

tender to the touch,

fragile from abuse,

occasionally excused

when used to seduce.

and I might have, back then

but these days I REFUSE.

Halsey via Twitter

[hellgalrules]