#depression poems

[petrichor-moss-and-lightning]

you think about killing yourself. you think about going to bed at a reasonable time. you do neither of these things.

instead, you resign yourself to staring at the cracks in the ceiling—tell yourself that tomorrow will fix it. that a mouth to the underside of your jaw will fix it. that ginger shots or yoga or taking three deep breaths or patching the goddamned cracks in the ceiling will fix it. you've been trying to fix it—this gasping, hollowing sensation in the gore of your chest—since you were fifteen and bitter and lurching into traffic / into lovers you couldn't love back / into any scrap of warmth that would have you.

you take three deep breaths. you watch the ceiling. you let time pass through you like a knife.

[thismightbeacryforhelpwhoknows]

i have a talent for loneliness, i would be alone in a crowd. but it is entirely my fault.

i run from embrace and hide from people's warmth because everytime i've had it before it has been stolen from me and i will be left on the floor, broken and bloody. again.

i shut down and keep them out but still silently demand that they see me. i want them to push back when i tell them no and fight me to stay because how else can i be sure that with me is where they want to remain.

all the while, there is a little girl sat alone on the floor, cold and alone, in need of hand to guide her back to a home she has never known.

[ineedibuprofen]

cool about it, boygenius // i don't want to hear any good news or bad news, elisa gabbert // ana mendieta // this post, @inkskinned // drowning sailor, jack nichols // you are jeff, richard siken // everything i wanted, billie eilish

[sweet-fox-mari]

Emptiness, everywhere

Everywhere I look, in everything I touch

I feel your absence everywhere

It feels like numbness at my fingertips

That somehow swallows me whole

[knockingfrominside]

I feel like a zombie

Like I have nothing left to give

And I’m just existing

Perhaps it’s the new meds

Or perhaps I just have hit my limit

[waitingforlostsouls]

Water On The Carpet

I should stop having breakdowns on the floor It's bad for the environment Leaves me feeling awfully sore I need to stop crying Crying on the floor Because now there's water on the carpet And we can't be having that Just causes mold Makes you breath in lint I need to stop breaking down on the ground Crying in the fetal position I'm not great at making decisions And this is one of them

[spaceat6pm]

today i woke up and for a split second i forgot your absence. and then it hit me. there would be no goodmorning text from you to wake up to, and i wasn’t going to send one to you.

im going to work with floodgates of tears begging to escape from my eyes.

im waiting for you to come back to me

[desideriumorsa]

.

I think you are supposed to be here.

I think you were supposed to be born.

I think you are supposed to stick around, and hold onto life.

I think you should stay.

.

[that-one-gay-idiot1227]

How Long?

How long has it been 

Since the metal touched my skin 

Since the blood came out in splotches

How long has it been since I broke the promise

I cut deep that night

I remember the way it felt 

To know I disappointed you 

Maybe you aren't here to be disappointed

That didn't change the way it felt 

I knew you were watching

With sad eyes from afar 

I'm sorry I fell apart

I could've kept it together

I should have. 

I'm sorry you had to see

All the little scars that run free 

I'm sorry you have to look down from above

Watching me etch new ones in 

I always cleaned the cuts

Sometimes before the blood was gone 

The cold sting of the wipes 

Ripping the pain away from my heart 

All red is the same to me now 

I don't see it anymore

It passes right below my eyes 

Everything is gray white black 

Maybe you'll come back 

But that's not how death works is it? 

Your not in Alaska 

Your much further than that 

Or are you?

How far is death? 

Is it in a distant country 

Or is it just up the road

How long until I see you again 

How long until I can tell you im sorry 

How long until the metal leaves my skin

[mortilith-parade]

[the-one-they-call-zephyr]

Everything tells me to feel

Everyone tells me not to

I'm made to feel insane, trapped inside my brain, day in day out it always feels the same,

I'm lost

I'm at a loss for words

Nothing I say ever feels right

Nothing I do ever feels right.

I don't know what's going on anymore

I don't know what to do anymore

I think maybe a bullet to silence the demons, but the demons are all I even have left.

[autumn-eve-e]

I reached my hand out to death and he reached his out to me for that was the only way to escape my loneliness and the only kindness any man had ever shown me ~ Autumn Eve E

[thismightbeacryforhelpwhoknows]

a day where i dont see you is a waste of a day.

most of my days are wasted now.

i want to go back, to when it was good, to when my life had colour and leaving the warmth of my bed wasnt a chore. but i cant.

i can feel you slipping away with every interaction. your promises are starting to sound hollow, and your words are just to placate me.

i wish i was stronger. i wish one word answers from you didn’t feel like daggers, and i wish that i didn't need your attention to be able to breathe.

i wish i was different and i know you do to. i am so so sorry.

[ineedibuprofen]

Silvia Plath, The Bell Jar

[sweet-fox-mari]

It creeps up on you

You never see it coming

By the time I notice it's already too late

The numbness has set in

Made it's nest inside my head

So deep I could drown in it

It feels inescapable now

Every time I think I've beat it

It evolves and comes back again

I keep thinking I've tied the score

But then depression takes the lead

Once more

[knockingfrominside]

They are not responsible for healing me.

They are not responsible for my triggers, my bad days, my mood swings.

They are not responsible for putting me back together on the days I shatter.