#depressed & traumatized & forced to look after kids they didn't want anything to do with

[notkakashihatake]

Everyone wants to talk about Gojo and Kakashi but no one wants to make the real connection to Kakashi and Nanami

[cosmoknightchaos]

Hehe>:3 1, 2, 6, and 8. (Do whatever character you’d like:3)

Oh boy! Any character I want! I'm going to do all of them.

There are 35 different characters listed below. I'm not kidding when I say the response is long.

What memory would your OC rather just forget?

The following OCs are from a project I've dubbed Project Scepsis OS, a futuristic dystopian featuring a failed science experiment, an amorphous blob, a shapeshifter who eats organs like jelly beans, and a depressed 40-year-old man.

Paisley, despite being trapped in a laboratory for most of their life, isn't that bothered by it. If anything, they'd just prefer to go through and get rid of a whole bunch of memories, to clear up space. It's like clearing photos from your storage. Also, they're definitely the type of person to stay up at night thinking about that one embarrassing moment from years ago, so they'd trash all of those.

Marci, on the other hand, desperately wants to forget most of its time in the lab. Especially before it met Paisley. All of that was hell for it and it wants to forget that.

Kat is a very "Sparkle off, it's Thursday, forget who you are" type of person. She doesn't want to remember a single thing and be consumed by the personality of whomever she eats. Life has not been kind to her after the war :(

Vincent would most likely want to forget his son's death. It would be so much easier to bury himself in his work if he didn't have the weight of his son's death looming over him, even if that is what caused him to become a workaholic in the first place. Either that or erase all memory and involvement in the Scepsis model, though unfortunately his name has gone down in history with that one and he will never escape it.

What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?

^This is Kat! She is a wanted war criminal across multiple planets for murder, cannibalism, and impersonation.

How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

Dill do you have any idea who you're talking to. I am the MASTER of the moral compass and how characters feel about it. I could write a full essay on a singular character's morals.

Moral compasses exist on a pentagram for me, with each angle being an extreme and every character existing on an extreme or somewhere in the middle. Congrats, you get all five extremes.

On the first point of the pentagon, the unbreakable and completely fucked compass. Myo, The Queen, and Flower, who may be so wrong in their actions but their compass has long been broken. The philosophy here is You cannot betray your moral compass if you don't have a compass to begin with. They're either too insane to have morals or whatever the fuck Queen is.

Second, our stubborn characters! Probably the biggest category of the extremes. Edge, Sky, Penelope, and Cosmo. While having a variety of personalities and motives, they all have very strict moral compasses. Not really strict in an uptight way, but they know where their loyalties lie and are so comfortable with that spot that it's gonna be ridiculously hard to break that. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad. It's just comfortable. However, with enough force, it can be broken- but that does require a lot of force.

On the next joint, characters like Altalune, Marion, or Anne, who's compasses are thrown to the wind every other Tuesday. High and mighty as they may think they are, both are giant hypocrites and will betray their moral compass the moment it becomes an inconvenience to their motives. There's also characters like Echo or Marc, who crumple like paper once put under the slightest pressure. They wouldn't betray their morals by themselves, but they fold like laundry when another person gives them orders.

Second to last are the traumatized folk. Gospel is probably the only real extreme of this group, but Kaizo is a very close second. This is for characters who have a strict moral compass at first, but after a certain event(s), their compass shatters and they have to go buy a new one. More often than not, that first set of morals isn't as healthy for them, and the new set helps them improve as people, but that doesn't mean it isn't earth-shatteringly traumatic and destroys everything they ever had faith in in the process.

Finally, the sporadic. Entropy! Tranquility by extent and pretty much all of my Higher Being/God/Godlike/God complex characters count too, but Entropy is the definitive extreme. The moral compass here functions like Captain Jack Sparrow's, simply pointing whatever way the character wants it to. It is fueled impulse, desire, and the Godlike arrogance and detachment from mortal life. There are no moralities, only fun and chaos.

Would your OC ostensibly be able to get away with murder?

Let's just go down the list, shall we? OCs are categorized by source material!

Beyond the Graves (OC) Marci/Marc: Normally, no, possessed than yes. And does canonically. Echo: Same as above! AJ: More likely to commit murder than the other two, but doesn't. Cosmo: Probably did? Doesn't seem like it. Queen: Definitely. Easily. Canonically. For funsies

Ivy (OC) Jenny: Nope! She would only kill someone if she had to, and she would not get away with it! Morgan: Same as above, only she's slightly more willing to commit murder Myo: Without hesitation

Project Scepsis OS (OC) Paisley: Although they do commit it, they wouldn't get away with it very well. Marci: If it would happen, it would be accidentally. It would latch on to a living organism and accidentally tear their mortal form apart. It would never do it intentionally. Kat: She eats people's organs for fun Vincent: Definitely not. Even if he is responsible for the war machine that killed hundreds if not thousands. Creator: Said war machine mentioned above

Where Time Stands Still//Stopwatch (OC) Penelope: Absolutely not. Baby girl Altalune: Definitely. And if he doesn't get away with it, then he'll kill whoever witnessed it. Tristen Kannaroe: Little bitch man. Unfortunately he has not committed murder but he would not get away with it, he would get caught, and he would get what he fucking deserves. Entropy: Do you know who we're even talking about. This is the fucking God of Chaos Tranquility: Ironically, for being the God of Death, they have never taken a life. However they would very easily get away with it if they needed to. Eternity/Stopwatch: They wouldn't do it, but they'd get away with it if they did. I think gods in general have a good track record of getting away with murder

The Religious Trauma Squad (Hollow Knight) Gospel: She wouldn't commit murder, but if she did she wouldn't leave a single trace. Eviscerated by lightning bitch Edge: Oh yeah. Absolutely. Gospel would know in a heartbeat. Marion: He put his days of murder behind him after he left the troupe! He's reformed now! (<-Nearly fought Edge to the death if Gospel hadn't stopped him)

The Horalo AU/Where Time Stands Still (A Hat In Time) Skyscreamer: Commits murder canonically and does NOT get away with it. Thanks Entropy Flower Man: Have you read the book Entropy: They are still the Deity of Chaos Kannaroe: Doesn't and don't get away with it

The Wanderer AU (A Hat In Time) Ester: Yes! The Gravedigger: Uh... does it count as murder if they're ghosts? Cathrine: Nope! Wouldn't hurt a fly <3 Adrianne: Would and get his ass caught. Idiot Tranquility: Still a pacifist!

My other AHIT OCs Anya: Nope! They'd whack you with a large branch, but that's about it. Kaizo: He would eat your insides like a muffin for breakfast.

That's as many as I can remember. Feel free to ask about any of these I guess.

[twee-lil-lass]

Aforementioned Shit:

Optimistic Nihilism completely changed my life. Like realizing that there is no inherent meaning/importance/value to anything and that you are the only authority on how your life gets perceived & lived.

I did not have a very good childhood, I was abused at school and at home and moved around a lot so i never formed any long term relationships. Anytime I mention something that happened to me that i think is "funny" people will give me really concerned looks that makes me realize that maybe what happened to me actually wasn't funny and maybe super traumatic? Anyways, surprising no one, I was depressed as fuck and regularly contemplated killing myself just to escape. Things didn't really improve that much for me until I was half way through getting my degree at like 23 when the pandemic hit (fun fact, my father made me homeless on my 23rd birthday right before the pandemic hit too! yay!) but i suddenly had a LOT more time by myself and it reminded me of when i was a kid and i'd spend hours alone in my room with nothing to do but tell stories to myself.

It wasn't until I'd experienced ego death after a bonkers trip that i realized that I'd been focusing so much on the negatives in my life (bc it's all i had for most of my entire life) that i wasn't letting myself feel happy about any of the things that were actually really sweet. I was being a passive occupant in my own existence, idly hoping for salvation from others that was just simply never going to come. If I truly wanted to feel happy, I would have to work hard to make space for that happiness to grow.

And it took so fucking long. Unlearning toxic behaviors, learning to be mindful of my mental biases & act above my initial pessimism. Trying to focus on the parts of me that were lovely, like my love of game design & story telling, and my natural ability to play leader & caretaker. The more i learned to love myself, flaws included, the more i found that others would express loving me. Even people i had huge blow outs with would reconnect with me years later to tell me how much they missed me & apologize for tossing me out.

That old adage about "feeding the right wolf" is right. Hate and Love are both very powerful forces, but only you control which one of them dominates your life. It can be hard to pull yourself out of the swamp, but you fucking have to.

you know what while i'm rambling already i might as well just rant about the Important shit

[love-my-rat-boys]

⚠️⚠️⚠️TW: PHYSICAL ABUSE. SEXUAL ABUSE. HARASSMENT. BULLYING. ALCOHOLISM. SUICIDE. DEPRESSION. SELF HARM. MANIPULATION. TOXIC BEHAVIOR. KNIFES. CHILD ABUSE. AND MANY OTHER. VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED ⚠️⚠️⚠️

It's fun looking back and remembering old characters, you can read exactly how I felt and what i was thinking about.

This boy is a really only character, i callem him "Geraldo" in Portuguese, "Gerald" in English. He is my biggest regret and my biggest achievement.

I made him with the intention to see how far I could go, my reaching point of what's ethically ok to do, and what's not

Of course i learned a lot with him, i related to his sadness back then. But now i see I've doomed him from the start, and i can never forgive me for that.

He lost his mom in an early age, in a car accident. She entered a coma, while him and his dad suffered light injuries. His dad blamed him, and eventually he blamed himself too.

With Time, the grieve took a hard tool on his dad. He became very irritable and started to hit Gerald, taking his anger on him. Gerald couldn't do anything, and started to copy the irritable manner of his dad on school.

He'd often get in trouble, and in house he would get spanked. It kept that way for a while, his dad getting more and more abusive, berating Gerald for every little thing, and starting to drink too.

One day, when Gerald was 7, his dad had some friends over. Drinking and laughing, they were also used to abuse Gerald. He hated those guys, and wasn't afraid of showing it.

The game they must liked to do with Gerald was force him to drink excessive, and force him to do random things. Like read a book (he didn't knew how to read well), pour water, pile things up.

He'd fail most of times, or get hurt. And would only get laughed at. They did that until he was phisicaly incapable of getting up, or throw up all over himself.

The things changed when one time, one of his dad new friend made an offer. He offered money to have a night of "fun" with Gerald. Enough money for the father not only to consider, but accept and offer their basement to him.

They hammered Gerald, took him down the basement, tied him up.. and the guy had his fun.

After that, it became an usual thing. People would offer money, he would accept, and Gerald would get abused. It was the most traumatic thing he has ever suffered, but it wasn't the end sadly

Felling even more powerless than before, and in fear of worse things, his behave shifted on school. He became much more silent, almost didn't talked, and would sit alone most of the time. The other kids make a great notice of this, and decided to give back the bullying he'd made, back to him

He got bullied hard, getting trowed around at school, get his things stolen, get called names, tumors being spread, even getting beaten some times

He didn't saw anything good in life, and at age of 9, he decided to take his life out.

After a his dad friends went away, he went to the kitchen. Took a knife, and held it close to his chest, ready to stab himself on the throat

His dad looked at him, scoffed and reminded that, if his mom ever woke up from the coma, she would be so disappointed to know her only son took his life.

Gerald wanted to end his life, he hated everything about it and didn't wished to be alive anymore. But thinking about his mom gave him a glimmer of hope he hadn't felt in a long time..

Maybe, if she woke up and see what his dad is doing to him, she could help. She was so sweet, always read Gerald his favorite stories before sleep, and prepared the most delicious sweets. She could be his salvation, he didn't wanted to bring her sadness.

He didn't killed himself that night, but that wasn't the last attempt

It kept that way for a long time, his dad charging more and more as Gerald grow up. In highschool, the bullying didn't stopped, but with time he became numb to it

Distancing himself, disconnecting from the real world and just lose the sense of his body, as a way to avoid his current situation. He was losing himself, and ironically enough, he started to drink like his dad too.

He'd steak his dad drink, bring it to school and just drink trought the day. It didn't bought him any joy, and he even got caught some times, but he couldn't stop. He needed that, and even found some kids that talked to him and drank with him.

It werent real connections, not even good people, they just liked the sense of wronging and someone they could trash on, but Gerald didn't had any other connections, so he stayed with them

One time his so called friends decided to go out to drink, and trash on some houses and cars. They made Gerald steal his dad alcohol, and bring it to them, in a private area that wasn't supposed to be crossed. And Gerald did it, he did and they drank the night out

His friends didn't got too hammered, of course. But when they couldn't drink anymore, they made Gerald drink the whole rest of it, with the excuse of "not leaving any proof"

He did so, and couldn't even talk right afterwards. The friends laughed at him, until they heard someone coming. Of course they ran away and left Gerald in that horrible state.

The person who came was a girl from Gerald school, she was the class orienteer and the teacher pet of the class. Always getting the best grades, and loved and liked by everyone, even with her snarky personality.

She came to check what was the fuss about, the property was her house backyard, so she came to check when she heard weird noises.

She immediatly recognized Gerald, and started to berate and saying she would call the police before realizing the pitiful state he's in.

She took a moment to think, sighed and helped Gerald get up. He was as limp as a doll, and it was a great effort to get him into her house, but she eventually got it. There, she helped him take all the alcohol out of body (by vomiting) and gave him something warm to eat

She berate him, but much more lightly. Said how those people aren't good for him, and he should to better if he wants a decent future. He just began to cry, bawl his eyes out

He told her everything, not leaving a single thing out, finally letting out everything he had kept to himself for years. And she heard him.

When he finished crying and talking, they stayed silent for s bit.

She then stated "I'll be your new friend, you need new ones. I'll be your first one"

Gerald didn't really understood and thought the was joking. But she kept her word and started to walk with him on school.

Helped him combat with his grades (even tho it didn't changed much, he appreciated the intension), she made sure he didn't had alcohol with him on school, And even walked with him home.

That was one of the first time he felt loved, truly wanted. Thinking about her made his heart race, and he realized. He was in love

Seeing her was one of the only times he felt good, he felt happy. He got addicted to that felling, and wouldn't leave her side.

Well, she had other friends, and with time the necessity and dependency he developed on her started to affect her private life, and she tried to put an end to it

She talked to him, stated he was way to pushy, and go back off a bit.. and he didn't took that well. He did backed off, but also started to avoid her actively

On the start she appreciated the alone time, and focused on getting with her old friends and studying. But with time she started to get regretful.

Seeing him being again victim of bullying, and remembering everything he told her that first night, same as what she told him. She regretted, and decided to talk to him again

She chased him day after day, trying to get a hold of him, either he runned away, or just looked very frighten by her

With Time, she gave up. If he didn't wanted to talk to him, then she wouldn't disturb him anymore, but made sure to tell him that, if he ever wanted to talk again, she was free

They did talked again, a week before the highschool Graduation. He looked very happy, and talked a lot. They caught up the last times, she apologized and he did aswell. Even gave her a present, a small little necklace with a horse on it (her favorite animal).

She was so happy he started to talk to her again, they kept on contact till the day before the graduation. She was excited, and he was excited too, they promised to each other to meet up on the graduation, and so they parted ways

The next day, she met Gerald, he had a bag with him and said he needed to do something before the graduation. She told him to not take long, and so he went

The graduation time came, and Gerald was nowhere to be seen. The graduation ended, and she went after him. Searching everywhere

In the back of the school, in a tree, she found Gerald. He had hanged himself there, his limp body moving with the light wind, the bag open under his feet now empty.

She screamed, cried, and blamed herself. She took a long time to get over his death.. but she made peace with herself

He had left a letter, telling his history and why he did that. And what he whished to happen. He told his side crush, how he felt, how she made him fell. And what he whished her to a good life, full of well deserved happiness

She kept the necklace, always wearing it everywhere. And living a happy life with a husband. Even if her friend isn't there anymore, if he could see her, she want him to be proud

And that's the end of his history. With his death

I think he was a important part of my structure as a creator, test how trauma works and ways to cope with it, but that's doesn't mean I'm completely proud of it

I hope with this, some can see that it's ok to make mistakes when creating. Not everything need to be perfect, And flaws are there for a reason. Still, there need to be a limit, and to know that limit you first have to cross it.

None of the things i described here are ok, most aren't even legal in most of places. I am aware of it now, but i can't let go of him

That's it, thank you all

Take care

[ratcandy]

Subcon Forest Analysis

Hi everyone I'm here to spill my aggressive overflowing thoughts on Subcon Forest and what it represents because it's been driving me insane since I finished the Sleepy Subcon time rift. Okay let's go. Obvious spoilers for AHIT ahead so proceed with caution.

This is also very, very long.

Disclaimer/warning: I will be discussing abusive/unhealthy relationships in this analysis. I mean. Vanessa. Come on. Also, there is a section on the nooses, and that delves, of course, into mentions of suicide. It will be sectioned off and easily skipped, but if you'd rather be safe and skip the entire post, that's completely understandable! Please stay safe. <3

Alright. Main point to be had here:

Subcon Forest is a giant extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character.

You all get to now listen to me spout nonsense about metaphors and symbolism because I'm a sucker for analysis and I'm given an opportunity to go ham. So perish.

The Ice

Let's start with the most obvious and most glaring thing in Subcon. The ice. It's everywhere. Not just outside Vanessa's manor, either; no, it's throughout the village, too. Shows up in the well and in random locations sprinkled about. When it comes to literal plot, we know that ice is just what lingers after Vanessa's wintery curse on Subcon. But going deeper and analyzing the meaning behind it?

Well, let's look at this from the perspective I've suggested. Subcon Forest being an extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character. A symbol for Vanessa then litters his mind, enough where it's certainly noticeable at first but blends in more easily once more of Subcon is unlocked to Hat Kid. This is clearly meant to be his lingering trauma, whether or not he wants to acknowledge it. Which he doesn't, as he never mentions it directly in his forest (that I can recall). Her influence plagues him, as to be expected with the traumatic experiences he went through with her. Breaking the ice is something Hat Kid must do in order to fulfill the wishes of the Fire Spirits (another subject I'll get into shortly), which, if self-indulgently playing with the found family idea, could mean that Hat Kid is helping him heal; if indirectly. Even if fulfilling the Fire Spirits' wish to die is... counterproductive, in that measure, which I'm now getting ahead of myself so hold on a sec!!

Vanessa. Ice. Everywhere. Traces of it all over his forest. That's the effects of an abusive relationship! Especially in a worst-case scenario where... yknow! One party in the relationship dies! So of course ice would be everywhere.

In and of itself, ice is a common symbol in literature and other forms of media. In this case, it's presented as an antagonistic force; emphasis is placed upon freezing and the harm that comes with it. The cold is unwelcoming, threatening, merciless. Snow can act as an insulating force, at least, but ice cannot. It can only make things colder.

A slight stretch: Seeing as this game deals a lot with time shenaniganry, I'm not sure if it'd be too out of left field to connect "freezing" with the theme of time. Yknow. Frozen in time. Both parties here, Snatcher and Vanessa, would be in this frozen state. One largely repressing it and never fully moving on, and the other doomed to her isolation ever since the event in question. They never moved past that moment after the Prince and florist's interaction.

The Fire Spirits (& the Portraits)

I'll put a slight warning here for suicidal ideation, if only because... it's the Fire Spirits we're talking about. It's not as grossly in-detail as the noose discussion will be, though, so make of that what you will.

To me, the Fire Spirits are a very interesting case. After all, they're fire. They're a direct contrast to the ice, thus being the only thing we're shown that could potentially melt it. The Fire Spirits, in my opinion, represent hope or a strength to continue. A strength to move on after troubles of the past.

...And that hope wants to die.

The Fire Spirits wish to burn out, to leave this mortal coil and abandon the forest to the cold. They make no effort to melt the ice, they simply dance, blissfully ignorant towards their surroundings. This being a metaphor for Snatcher's own hope for moving on is made all the more obvious by the fact he wants them gone. The first contract is to kill the Fire Spirits, to kill the hope. Perhaps he believes that sort of thing to be fruitless or naïve, so it only clutters his mind or has him foolishly optimistic at points. So, get rid of it. And the hope is happy to oblige.

(That, or their willingness to leave the forest to its own suffering and not aid in the ice's thaw angers him. Besides the whole "bark bark growl I can't get to parts of my forest because of them!!" which... also could represent a naïve hope clouding his judgement, not allowing him to see a bigger picture. But hope can't all be lost if one wants to move forward...)

A little side-tangent now on the portraits! And it's another slight stretch but the idea is in my head and I can't let it go. Portraits are another common symbol, usually being a physical representation of a memory or idea. For our purposes, let's say they're memories. I know in canon they appear to just hold souls captive or something but for now we're just Ignoring That(tm). The Fire Spirits have to burn the portraits to disappear. See where I'm going with this, maybe?

Instead of handling bad memories (or perhaps memories of the past in general) in any healthy manner, Snatcher chooses to forget/repress them, which just allows his hope to progressively die out.

I'm really hoping this is making sense because it makes a lot of sense to me but I might be insane rn

The Fact that this is a Forest

Forest symbolism breakdown! What's a forest usually mean in literature? "Traditionally, the forest has come to represent being lost, exploration and potential danger as well as mystery and 'other worldliness'." Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. That certainly works with the whole aesthetic we've got going on. Wood usually is life, growth and strength. But the trees of subcon are all dead. So what about that? It stands for death, big whoop, very spooky, we know Snatcher's dead and so are the children, yadda yadda wowie wowie. But. :) The trees in Subcon look a lot like trees that were scorched in a forest fire. Don't believe me?

(You could also argue they're just regular marsh/swamp trees bUT SSHHSUUHSH HANG ON HEAR ME OUT LOOK LOOK,)

What I believe to have happened was a controlled fire to rid the forest of the majority of its ice and snow. Likely done by Snatcher. It leaves behind a very desolate, depressing, barren scene... but. What else do dead/burnt trees symbolize? Rebirth. After all, controlled fires happen to make way for new trees to take the place of old ones. Some trees only drop seeds in fires/hot temperatures, so new ones take root and begin anew. Weird. It's almost like... I dunno. Snatcher was given some sorta second chance, given he's not just a corpse in Vanessa's cellar. So were the subconites. Another life given then by Snatcher. All connected I tell ya!!

Generally, aside from that, forests have many connotations. Mystery, isolation, claustrophobia; a place to dwell on regrets, or the past; to worry over one's future; to seek escape from or escape inside of... hmgmrnmm!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The Nooses

The t/w is given at the top and another cut-off point will follow the bottom of this, for those that would like to skip. This will delve into talk of suicide and abusive tactics used by abusers. Please don't read if it will upset you or make you feel unsafe!!!

Personally, I cannot stand the nooses, but that's just due to my own triggers. Were there a way to hide those from the game or replace the damned talking ones with anything else. I would take it. In a heartbeat. But I can still appreciate the potential analysis to be had with them. So now i'm gonna talk about it despite how uncomfortable it will make me to do so. yEa

So, what about 'em? There are three types of nooses seen in Subcon. At least that I remember but I didn't really go looking for them. Empty ones, ones containing empty subconites, and the talking ones.

Nooses in general obviously can hint towards suicidal thoughts or behaviors of the characters that interact with them. If saying Subcon is Snatcher's mind, it could suggest that he suffered from some sort of suicidal thoughts in life (or currently, if second death is possible... or if he never truly died... or maybe he's trying to figure that out...which has given me... a separate idea...uh oh). But. And hear me out. Different perspective.

A talking noose. I hate them with a fiery passion that is unmatched. But think of the packed symbolism of a noose that talks. And think more about what it says. "I wouldn't mind being strapped around a cute neck like yours." "Be careful now, I don't want to see you meet a miserable end anywhere, but with me." Oddly, a lot of what the noose says seems almost... endearing? One could argue it's a way of luring someone to put it around their necks, which in and of itself is a whole lot to unpack when it comes to suicidal thoughts beckoning one forward; painting itself as something romantic, almost. But. Here's a wild idea, now. What if the nooses, at least the talking ones, are another symbol for Vanessa?

They're tinted blue, after all. While Vanessa's scheme is more red, one could argue two things: One, ice. Blue. Ice. yeah. Or two, the fact that Snatcher's scheme is more purple. Blue and red... make... purple. So, for all we know, Snatcher's current state was a compound effort between suicidal thoughts and Vanessa's treatment of him. Perhaps he even found a way to put himself out of his misery before freezing/starving to death. (I know he has dialogue that argues against that, but... are we certain Snatcher would be the kind to admit suicide over freezing to death?... I don't think so.)

At any rate, a common threat by those in "control" of an abusive relationship is that of killing themselves should the other person not do as they desire. It's a cruel form of emotional manipulation to get their way, worse off if the other party is an empathetic individual. As a person who has been the empathetic individual in relationships like this... I would know. I've been here, unfortunately So, it's not completely out of the question to say Vanessa could've used some tactic like that, even before the whole... cellar ordeal. Did she? I dunno. I'm tossing ideas around. But if she did, the threats of such would sit around in the Prince's mind easily. Even if she has a reputation of not going through with it. It doesn't matter. That shit sticks with you forever, that scare, the potential of it ever being true, is horrifying and it ruins you. I'm projecting, Squirtle.

Still. A noose cannot hang itself. It has to have a victim.

...yea.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W PASSED -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Misc. Ideas

- The spiders: Aside from the usual things spiders can be chalked up to symbolizing - toxicity, alluring danger, just... general pain - I like the potential wordplay that can happen here. Yknow. A black widow. Say the Prince and Vanessa were married when one died. What would that leave Vanessa? A widow. ...She's red and black, too. Yknow. Like a black widow. HA wordplay is fun isn't it?

- Snatcher's tree: Love this place, love sitting in here. But not the point! The inside of Snatcher's tree is such a harsh juxtaposition to the rest of Subcon that it kinda throws ya off guard. After all, the dark, purples and blues then contrasted with the bright warm colors of the inside. Even the music switches over. The thorns outside aren't present indoors. Ohh yeah this is gonna be on the nose as hell but the Tree(tm) is 100% representing Snatcher's appearance/put-on personality vs. his truer nature. Spooky outside with thorns, foreboding, unwelcoming. Then the more comfortable interior. VULnerable. Have I even mentioned that the tree is HOLLOW I mean COME ON. The sturdiness of that tree? Nonexistent. He's not a sturdy guy at all no matter how he fronts

- Intrusions are unwelcome: Snatcher does not like the fact that Hat Kid sticks around in his forest. His personal space. His mind. In fact he tries desperately to get rid of her after their fight, not wanting her presence in his forest at all. He has no problem providing more contracts later on with the Death Wish thing, and he finds great entertainment in messing around with Hat Kid, so it's not just a weird sudden hatred he has for her; it's the fact that. After she's finished being useful, he no longer wants her around, lest she find some things she shouldn't find. Now he's just uncomfortable with her in his personal boundaries. Could just be a denial that she's helped him heal (breaking ice, stealing from Vanessa, being something interesting for his kids to interact with) or just not really wanting a child to get wrapped up in. All that. Most likely the former. Considering the amount of joke-hints he drops regarding his background during his Death Wish dialogue. I see you funny man, making jokes out of your trauma as a coping mechanism. Punts him

Annnd I think that's all I got, for now! I'll make an update post if I get any more sporadic ideas. If you read this whole thing, thank you!! and also!! Wow that was a lot!! Hell world. Please feel free to elaborate on any of my points or debate with me on em!! I'm always open to other ideas, just be aware that if I disagree I am not shy when it comes to debate hehehe, tho I won't be aggressive to any extent I prommy!!

Alrighty. goes to sleep goodnight

[annie-blackhill]

Aight, I know that I've been away for awhile but now I'm back and I have ideas babes!

____________________________________

Warnings:

Depression

Anxiety

Past panic attacks

Mentions of past domestic violence

Abusive childhood

Post traumatic events unconscious coping mechanisms

Unconscious flinching out of instinct

Sudden panic when hearing fighting between a man and a woman screaming very near

Loss of breath

Domestic violence

Blood

Panic attack

____________________________________

Dazai Osamu

________________

Safe and Sound

________________

Dazai and (Y/N) have been in a relationship for two years now. They're so in love with each other that everyone at the ADA are questioning the fact as to why they weren't married yet.

Dazai really loves (Y/N) and she loves him just as much back. They both really love each other and they both understand each other the most too.

But there were still some things that Dazai didn't know.

The main reason why (Y/N) and Dazai weren't married yet was because Dazai wanted to get her parents' blessings first. He was so excited to get their blessings, to meet the people who brought his perfectly imperfect lover into this cruel, tainted world.

He was eternally grateful to them for bringing her into this world, although the cruel world had tainted her and made her the broken person she is now, he still loves her for her. She's the only reason he has to live now. And he loves her for that.

Whenever Dazai asked (Y/N) about her family, she would tell him stories about when she was a child and how her dad would bring them to the beach every weekend because they lived near to the beach or when they went back to school shopping together.

But that was it. Her dad never really appeared in her other stories much. He would pop in at some point of the tale and then disappear. Her mum, was mostly the one to witness her achievements.

But (Y/N) has never described her parents' proud expressions whenever she achieved something.

At times, when Dazai did pry lightly, she would turn the story somewhere else, mostly to her friends.

He knew that she didn't really have a good primary school life, seeing as she's told him before that she's been bullied at that time. She's described them as the loneliest years of her life and how much she's hated herself those times.

Whenever (Y/N) talked about friends, it would be about her friends from her high school life. Her high school was much more on the better side.

She had been a prefect in her high school years, since her first year to her last year.

The only bad memories she had was when she realized that being in the first class and being the top of the class meant the other students would sabotage her and the two times in her senior years where she had to fight back as self-defense when she tried to break up a fight and they started to hit her too.

Dazai wasn't daft. Of course, he picked up on all the signs she showed that she wasn't really fond of her parents.

At first, he thought that it was just because of a small fight they had. But two years have passed in their relationship and (Y/N) hasn't cracked even the least to tell him why her childhood stories are only until a certain age or why she's never told him how proud her parents were of her.

Dazai was worried. In the end, he decided that maybe her parents just have a slightly tight relationship with each other.

Dazai decided to not ask. He let it slide and slip past them. He never touched the subject of her parents for the half of the second year of their relationship.

As the other half year of their relationship rolled in, Dazai and (Y/N) had saved enough money to buy a cozy little apartment near the ADA and move out of the ADA's hostel.

The day they were moving in, the couple were greeted by the middle aged woman who lived next door with her husband and 4 year old daughter.

She had been a very sweet auntie that welcome the sweet couple to the apartment complex with open arms and a sweet smile.

More than once had she cooked good food for the duo since they always returned late from work.

"You two kinda remind me of how my husband and I used to be when we were younger and so in love," the auntie would say to the duo all the time.

The little 4 year old would also come by and play around with the loving couple whenever they were on leave.

Auntie would always try persuade her daughter from "disturbing the lovely young couple" as she would always say to her daughter.

"It's alright, auntie! I love kids! (N/N)-chan and I are planning to have a few little munchkins like this when we're married too!" Dazai would assure her, while playing with the little girl.

But there was always something about how (Y/N) would send the auntie knowing looks as though she knew something that he didn't all the time, so he decided to pay more attention too.

When Dazai did start to notice more, he noticed the dark bags under the auntie's eyes and he noticed how tired she always was.

The more he noticed the more concerning she looked to him day by day.

"Auntie, would you like to join us for tea, today? Osamu and I wanted to play with that sweet little angel," (Y/N) invited the auntie.

"WHO'S THAT AT THE DOOR???!!!" the booming voice of the male from inside the auntie's house shook (Y/N) to the core and it ignited old memories that she didn't have to remember.

"Auntie, you really should come. Osamu insists! You know how he gets when he doesn't get what he wants! He'll be whining all day long like a little baby!" (Y/N) tried to convince the auntie discreetly.

"I ASKED 'WHO'S THAT AT THE DOOR'! ANSWER ME YOU USELESS WOMAN!!!" the man shouted from the bedroom again.

(Y/N) flinched. She was regretting sending Dazai to the store now. They had been running low on groceries and she had sent Dazai to the store, as she would say "please contribute you're lazy arse to do something in this household, my love" and he had carried his lazy arse to the store near the apartment complex.

After Dazai had left was when she started to hear the shouts and yells from the next door auntie's house.

Even as the bad memories plunged her being, she had forced herself to go and at least try to save the auntie before anything bad happened to either her or her daughter.

But even then, if you looked closely at (Y/N) you could see that she was trembling badly and that she could barely stand on her two feet.

"Auntie, come on please!" (Y/N) begged in a mutter exclamation.

"I'm sorry," the auntie murmured before closing the door on her with an apologetic smile.

"Auntie, no!" (Y/N) exclaimed.

And that was when she heard the terrible screams and the yell. The cries of the little 4 year old teared her soul apart into the smallest of pieces.

"NO, NO, NO!!!!" (Y/N) yelled as her mind turned blank and the memories flooded her brain.

Her mind turned so blank that she forgot that she was slamming her fists onto the door and that she had an ability.

The memories of how her father would come home drunk and lay on the sofa. Of how her mother had found out that he was having an affair. Of how, he would beat the living daylights out of her mother.

(Y/N) never told Dazai any of that. She felt ashamed to tell him that her childhood was the most terrible thing to ever happen to her.

A blood curdling screamed pierced the air along with a loud cry and that was enough for (Y/N) to snap out of her traumas and remember that there were lives on the stake right now.

She finally regained her senses fully and remembered that she has an ability.

Using her elemental abilities, she bent the wooden front door so much that it broke it half and broke off of it's hinges. The lower half flew to the side of the corridor almost hitting her while the other half flew into the house and hit the middle aged aggressive man that was about to beat his wife over the head with a glass flower vase.

The auntie stood in shock as the younger woman ran to her and hugged her.

"Auntie! Are you alright?! Are you bleeding anywhere?! Do you have any fatal injuries?!" (Y/N) questioned quickly as she held the shorter's woman's face in her hands and looked her over, making sure that she wasn bleeding anywhere majorly.

"Why you little freak show! You must one of those freak shows that are born with those little abilities! How dare you interfere with someone else's family problems?! Youngsters these days don't know how to respect their elders! Let me teach you then!" the man yelled at (Y/N) as she stood in front of the trembling woman, making sure that the older woman was perfectly hidden behind her.

(Y/N) slipped a hand into the back pocket of her jeans. She clutched the holster of her gun.

"Step away, right now before I seriously hurt you," (Y/N) warned as she held her left hand out to stop him from coming any nearer to them.

The man took off his belt and folded it into two, straightening it out with a snap, which caused both women to flinch as more dark memories flooded into (Y/N)'s mind.

"I said STOP RIGHT THERE!" (Y/N) warned yet again. It was against the law for her to shoot him and she couldn't even use her abilities against him as he was a normal civilian.

She was trying her best to not hurt anyone here and let the civilian authorities handle the ruthless man.

The moment the man raised his arm was the same time (Y/N) slipped her gun out of her back pocket and shot his arm.

The man let out a cry of pain and fell back from the sudden pain. He looked at the younger woman, wide eyed as she held the gun tight and pointed the barrel to his forehead.

"Armed Detective Agency member, (L/N) (Y/N)," (Y/N) announced as she showed him her ADA card.

The man backed away more at that. His eyes wide as he realized that she was a member of the authorities.

"(Y/N)?!" Dazai shouted as he entered only to see the bloodied situation of the man and the two trembling women.

"Where's the child?!" Dazai asked immediately.

"Sh-she's in her room," the auntie answered meekly.

Dazai nodded. He looked down at the man, disgust, venom and a desire to kill clear on his face.

The man even then, still tried to gain Dazai's pity as Dazai was a fellow man too.

"S-sir! All I was trying to do was educate my wife to be more better and obedient! I wasn't trying to do anything other than that! I swear!" the man said.

That only made Dazai even more disgusted as he spat on the man's face in disgust. He stomped his foot harshly on the man's hand that was holding the belt.

"You disgust me you old fool! You're an utter disgrace of a human being! I'm disgusted to see people like you are still alive! Terrorizing women's lives! Making them only feel like obedient dolls that should only do whatever you say!

I'd rather kill you then let you go to jail and then get back out after a few months! People like you shouldn't exist at all in the first place!

Your wife is supposed to be your life partner! Not some maid or toy that would do everything you say! You're supposed to live life and do everything together!

I can't believe you even had a child with her only to state your dominance over her and make her unable to run away from you!

You disgust me!" Dazai yelled at the man as he twisted his foot on the man's hand more and stomped it over and over and over again, intent on breaking it.

(Y/N) shielded the auntie's sight form her lover's rage as he broke the man's hand and rendered it completely shattered under his shoe.

"Osamu..." (Y/N) called out for him.

Dazai raised his head to look at his lover, tears streaming from his eyes from utter pure white hot rage.

"Are you alright? Are the two of you alright? Is that little angel injured?" Dazai's voice turned so soft that (Y/N)'s heart broke at the mere sound of it. He sounded as scared as she was feeling.

Dazai went over to the two women and squeezed them into a light hug, he buried his face into the crook of (Y/N)'s neck. (Y/N) hugged his waist, her arm practically limp, but her hand still clutching the gun tight just in case the man tried anything, her ear was placed against his frantically beating heart.

The older woman had wrapped her arm over his back and was hugging him tight, scared out of her life and grateful for the presence of the two youngsters at the moment.

"Osamu... We need to call the police and the ADA, specifically Kunikida-san. We need to explain a hell load to them all," (Y/N) murmured lightly to the shaken man.

Dazai nodded lightly at her statement before pressing a light kiss to the crook of her neck and removing himself from the hold of the two women.

"Auntie, do get your little girl and wait outside of the house. (Y/N) and I will call the police and our co-worker to handle the mess here," Dazai informed the older woman.

She merely nodded, not trusting her voice to be strong enough to answer him as she went to the little girl's bedroom to get her out of the house.

Once the child and woman were safely out of the house, Dazai dialed Kunikida while (Y/N) dialed the police station.

Both at had arrived at the house. The man was brought away on a stretcher by the paramedics as (Y/N) was explaining to the police as to why she had used her gun.

Kunikida and Dazai, both standing on either side of her, trying to justify the reason as to why she did so and the police accepted the reasons in the end.

Dazai said his end of the story and then they moved on to ask the wife and the child about their ends of the story.

"(Y/N), you know you shouldn't have used your gun. I'll have to confiscate it for now. You'll only be allowed to use it on missions. I'm sorry but those are the rules that you need to follow after that little act of 'misusage' as the police says," Kunikida sighed as he took the gun lightly from her slightly slackened grasp on it now.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I was scared and he raised the belt above me, ready to hit at any moment---" her voice cracked and she couldn't continue the sentence anymore.

Kunikida held her hand softly as Dazai brought (Y/N) into a soft side hug, holding her softly and rubbing her shoulders.

"I know and that's why I'm the one that's supposed to be saying sorry for taking away your gun, (Y/N)," Kunikida said.

"Hey, hey. It's alright, the both of you. I'll pull some strings here and there and make sure, (Y/N) gets her gun back, alright? Easy peasy!" Dazai lightened the mood up a little.

"Sigh, thank you, Dazai. For making this easier for all of us," Kunikida said before excusing himself, saying that he needs to fill out a few more forms at the police station and make sure that neither Dazai or (Y/N) get accused for anything that they didn't do.

Dazai proceeded to lead (Y/N) back to their little home as the auntie and her daughter were led to the second ambulance by the new paramedics.

(Y/N) leaned into Dazai as she curled up onto him. He held her close and tight, knowing full well that she was shaken up from the encounter.

"Osamu... Remember how you always asked for the truth about my childhood... What you witnessed today that was happening to that auntie and her daughter? That's the real truth to my childhood.

But no one saved us. And as I grew and my dad lived his other life with his little affair, he would come and go to let off steam on my mother and my mother started to blame me for how miserable our lives were.

That's why I never had a past occupation like everyone else. I had been working with the ADA ever since I was 18 and I ran away from her.

The president helped me. He helped my mother by providing her safety and a new home.

My father is still out there, somewhere with that other woman.

And I... I've never seen my mother since the day I ran away. She must be happier now," (Y/N) said, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Dazai hugged her closer and kissed her forehead.

"It's alright, love. You have me and the other ADA members for you as well now. Hell, even the Port Mafia is with you right now after how much you helped them out when we were all having trouble with The Guild and Fyodor. You have all of us here for you.

Most importantly, my love, you have me. I won't let anyone so much as hurt you even a little bit and go off the hook.

I swear," Dazai murmured softly into her ear and she snuggled closer to him, their feets touching and their hands interwined with each other's.

____________________________________

"Port Mafia strikes again as a man who was arrested yesterday due to commiting domestic violence was murdered by them brutally in his own jail cell much to the surprise of all the police officers present.

Police officers were considering requesting the Armed Detective Agency to further an investigation at first, but has now decided against it as the chief of the police station has deemed it as a waste since the man was a criminal," the news reporter announced on the morning news as (Y/N) sipped her (bitter/sweet/neutral) (coffee/tea) and Dazai adorable chewed his crab sandwich.

"Who did you ask to do it?" (Y/N) asked immediately as soon as Dazai swallowed.

"Chuuya was more than willing after I told him the story. I didn't even have to tell him which police station and cell that scum was in, he ran off and figured it all out himself and finished the job," Dazai answered before continuing to adorably eat his crab sandwich.

"That scum deserved it," (Y/N) agreed as she continue sipping her (coffee/tea).

____________________________________

Awareness Note:

Stop domestic violence. The pain lingers on even after the relationship has ended. No one should have to be bounded to a spouse that only views them as an object and an inferior instead of a human being and an equal. No one has to go through physical and mental pain with a monster that prefers to take control of everything. No one has to go through such pain.

Marriage isn't pain! Marriage is a bond of two people who love each other!

If it hurts both physically and mentally, then it's not love.

Know the difference.

[beclynn-herondale]

hi! ❤ hope you are well, i'm so happy to know you liked my last robert analysis. it feels very safe and nice to write about him to you, so it makes me really glad that you're enjoying too. forgive me, it took me a while to write this one!

between the points you mentioned, what you said you think about his trauma got my attention first. what you think is right, and i thought it would be a good idea to help you with your conclusions if i explained robert's trauma in details.

to examine it closely, i separate robert's childhood trauma into three parts. i guess we could say he had three different childhood traumas. you probably remember it generally: rune experience, parents, and discrimination. each one was deeply connected to the others but had a different effect in some ways.

1- rune experience: it's kinda hard to people to understand what happened because its horribleness was complex. i'll try to summarize. it was robert's 12th birthday. first of all, robert was being burned alive non-stop. he wasn't having his flesh burned, he was something like "burning inside." how intense the pain was: it consumed his entire being, he lost the ability to think, the pain blocked any thought or memory he could have, so robert didn't know who he was, where he was or what was happening, because all his body/mind/soul were processing was the extreme pain. it was mortal pain, it was supposed to kill robert, he was supposed to die consumed but the burning pain. but it didn't. somehow, while he hadn't the ability to think or feel anything but pain, he had strenght to stay alive in pain instead of die. he was enduring something people shouldn't be able to survive to. in his state where his sould/mind was enduring differently of his body, there were demons, and they tortured robert physically and verbally. then, his family members appeared to him, basically saying he was worthless and should die. he really was supposed to be dead by then, and he could see it, he literally could see hell right waiting for him to finally expire. but it didn't happen. somehow he endured it. now, all of this, lasted one entire month. it's actually hard to imagine someone somehow enduring this for one entire month. i don't think any other character had to endure something like this, except maybe annabel. it's the worse i ever saw happen to a tsc character, it was an entire month. (it's very depressing how nobody could ever understand robert cuz no one else around survived something like this. annabel was tortured, buried alive and then painfully ressurrected, and went literally insane because of it.)

this had multiple consequences to robert. physically, he took a while to recover, but then it was stated his body was fine. the effects were mostly mental. after receiving his first rune, robert was supposed to continue his training, but he couldn't. other kids of his age were evolving their training, while he was doing nothing about it. he both hadn't the energy and couldn't do it, cuz he was afraid of steeles. something perfectly logical since a steele caused that month of agony. you know he eventually managed to learn to use steeles to be an actual shadowhunter. but it wasn't all.

the first rune is something normal that happens to all shadowhunters, and it's mostly something good. the way it was horrible to robert in a way no one could have expected, made robert develop extreme anxiety; because the worst happened to him triggered by something common. so while doing common things, robert would be always scared and anxious, thinking about the worst of the worst that could happen. while it wasn't much notable to other people, it harmed his development and behavior a lot, consequently harming his self-steem, cuz he couldn't do things right, he was always worried and overthinking everything.

to compensate it, robert became somebody who worked on two extremes: he was always overthinking everything, except in battle. in battle he wasn't what we define as brave i guess. he was fearless. valentine is the one who helped robert to achieve that. (we know his actual motivations, this isn't important now) the mental process valentine taught him was: robert's inherent fear and anxiety made him fail, and that made him despise himself (that's something robert does a lot for countless reasons). robert should not only embrace the fury he felt against himself, but it should dominate him, and he use its intensity to block his fear. then basically, robert should do a mental form of self harm, letting the strenght of his hate for himself take his mind and use this strenght to control his actions. robert's fury leading his actions, not his fear and anxiety. as expected with this process, robert then was able to engage in normal shadowhunter activities, but fearless when it came to physical risk. logically this would be very dangerous, but we can imagine how useful it was for valentine to have on his team a warrior like this who was such a big and strong man and centainly could take a lot of physical damage and pain (and i guess it shouldn't be any doubt that being so tough helped robert a lot to survive through the years). we know it was because of this robert felt he owed loyalty to valentine.

2- parents: first, something kinda interesting is that robert had other relatives and they were there when robert's first rune was made. we are informed that his state during that month of agony was a scandal and robert's parents were the ones being absurd. so we can assume his other relatives had nothing to do with it. another strong evidence is robert naming two of his children with names from his family, what indicates he didn't saw his entire family negatively. now his parents... let's never forget what happened to robert was supposed to kill him on incredible intense pain. andrew and phoebe deliberately let their child to die in pain so he wouldn't be a mundane. i personally classify them between the worst shadowhunters parents along with céline's, annabel's, valentine and tatiana.

after robert woke up, they (or anyone else) never cared to ask robert how he felt. all they wanted was to make everything seem normal, without caring about how robert was taking it. they never showed any regret about what they've done: they did the opposite of that, telling robert right on his face what they did and how they were sure that it was totally worth it to make him go through that to not be a mundane. it hurt (and traumatized) robert a lot.

love from parents and relatives is supposed to be the first love someone gets. and robert didn't have that. if his parents showed love to him on his first years alive, it never mattered because these two traumas mentioned made robert forget anything about his parents from before his first rune. he couldn't ever remember them as actual parental figures of love. the only parents he remembered and recognized were the ones who left him to endure that, looked proud of it and never cared about its effects on him afterwards. as far as it counted, robert lived a loveless childhood. as i mentioned, andrew and phoebe wanted everything to be as normal possible, so they just acted as robert's parents as if anything happened, but it was pointless and felt cold. after knowing what they did to him (what they let happen to him), knowing that they didn't actually love him as their child, robert couldn't have a bond with them, he couldn't even be comfortable around them. it's described that their presence was what intensified robert's loneliness the most. so he didn't spend much time around them, he stayed in his room.

without his parents' love, robert's first experience with love was when he was 13 years old, with michael. it was setting a standard of love to him, with the long-term consequences afterwards being devastating. (i guess someone could even connect robert not recognizing his parents affection with his future performance of fatherhood, but that would be mostly guessing and i rather work with things i can prove. another good guess i think would be connecting his loveless childhood to how robert during his teenagehood had messy limits between his love for michael and his affection for maryse and didn't know how to handle or recognize it. i mean mostly things like, if michael was robert's best friend/parabatai and maryse his romantic partner and probably future wife, why did robert see maryse and women in general as a threat to michael's place in his life and their parabatai and best friend relationship? he saw valentine having a parabatai he loved and a girlfriend he wanted to get married to, and still freaked out about a woman as his wife replacing michael who was his parabatai, what didn't make any sense. i know people joke about robert being "clueless" about michael but it isn't much funny with this context. finally, another guess would be connecting robert's discovery that his parents' love for him was faulty through they letting him hurt to his beliefs that what he did to michael proved his love for michael was faulty. you can deliberate about all of these conjectures if you want).

3- discrimination: before his first rune, robert had other kids to play with, but he wouldn't remember much of it. yeah, we can say robert doesn't remember anything about how he was treated by people before his first rune. robert doesn't know a life without trauma.

since what happened to robert was a political scandal, with everyone trying to save robert and his parents wanting him to keep his painful and mortal rune, what happened to him was kind of general knowledge. then, no kid wanted to play or train with him. at first he was still recovering, but then he couldn't move foward because he didn't have anyone. he didn't want to be around his parents' coldness and no one else wanted to be around him, quite literally. other people would be around him only when being forced, and then would stay the most distant of him possible, to never get physically close of him, as if to not catch a disease. this is absolutely dreadful to a child.

being treated like this hurt and traumatized robert terribly. being around any one was horrible, so he spent most of the time hidden in his room. not being able to improve on anything because of his fears and anxiety and not having anyone to train with or even to socialize with, and basically never being able to move on about what happened, robert hated to be alive and wished to be dead, wished the rune had killed him as it should have, because he thought no death could be worse than his life, so be dead would be better. this state of mind dured an entire year before michael came around. a lot of damage had been done by then.

being treated like he was "sick" and ostracized left a huge psychological wound on him. to him, discrimination was one of the worst things ever, for something that was never his fault and he never choose to.

(one may think that if robert hates discrimination, it doesn't make sense to him to dislike downworlders, but it actually does. all robert wanted was to be a normal shadowhunter, and he had deeper reasons than most to be passionate about being one. disliking downworlders would be an ideal average shadowhunter thing to do. but robert was far from ignorant. he didn't think downworlders were animals or demons and was far more inclined to defend downworlder segregation than downworlder extermination. of course segregation is something horrible in general and should never be defended, but with downworlders being different sub-species, it wasn't as absurd as the extermination valentine defended, and robert being actually smart and open minded, we know he actually changed his beliefs).

now, to him, one being discriminated by their peers was one of the worst things that could happen, and the perspective of being discriminated terrified and triggered robert deeply. we know the perspective of homosexuality freaks robert out because of the discrimination, marginalization and "anormality" experience that comes with it (and robert is a 60s kid and shadowhunter society is a conservative mess, so it would naturally seem so much more taboo to him), what scared him deeply. we see him getting extremely anxious over himself, michael and alec about the perspective of homophobic discrimination.

robert only started training with runes after his 14th birthday. his training was late, and between his 12th and 14th birthdays, half of the time was extremely traumatizing, the other half he spent most with michael (who helped him a lot about everything). but still, it was a very big share of his childhood-teenagehood and he didn't have the feeling or normality. everything i said about his anxiety over shadowhunting, specially over runes, applied intensely during his entire teenagehood, but robert went to the academy with michael where he was having normal training and final got to socialize a little. he loved so much to feel a little normal. he still felt like a weak and useless trash, but at least he was doing normal shadowhunting things and living like a teenager. the problem was: he wanted to live his entire teenagehood, and he just couldn't do that. training is supposed to end when shadowhunters are 18 years old. robert would stay at the academy until he was 19, and still didn't seem enough. while he was older than his fellows, he felt far less mature. much of his development time had been lost, and he would never get it back. in this context, it made very sense to robert's girlfriend be a younger girl and his admiration for a younger boy (valentine), and there were jokes about him being old, but what bothered robert the most was that he should soon live an adult man average life with wife and kids, when his perspective of life was being with michael in the academy. we also know how that went... and he married maryse when he was about 21/22 years old and maryse about 19.

forgive me for any grammar mistakes. i think this summary can help a lot! at least i hope it's useful to you or anyone else who read it! writing it was very thoughtful (and it's really a huge joy for me to explain things about robert, if you haven't guessed) and i hope to start working on my next ask soon

xoxo, take care of yourself, kind fellow ☺ thank you for your attention

First of all,. I'm sorry for getting to this late.

Second, I don't think I need to add anything. This is written very well, and gave me a deeper understanding.

And I am once again saying: let Shadowhunters get help with their trauma 😭

Also, TSC has a lot of bad parents. But it sadly represents real life 😔

Thank you for taking the time to write this out. I enjoyed reading it. And I agree with a lot that was said.

[the-purest-wolf]

Hi just wanted to say that I recently started watching this (mostly because of Jon Bernthal) and not that I'm biased (maybe a little), but I think it could have been handled differently. The whole thing with Shane descending into madness? I think the guy just needed a little help, and Lori and her manipulation didn't help.

" Let me dispel it you. Stay away from me. Stay away from my son. You don't look at him. You don't talk to him."

And this:

They clearly needed to talk. Lori, Shane and Rick. Couldn't they have settled this between them? I think Lori loved both Rick and Shane, just like Rick and Shane were brothers to each other and cared about each other. Couldn't they just be together? Since they all loved each other, couldn't they talk? It's not like Shane planned it so that he would fall in love with his best friend's wife. But Lori, instead of talking to Shane after Rick returned "to the living," she avoided him and told him to back off.

It's scary and depressing. To suddenly be cut off from the only family Shane had. I'm not saying he had the right to take Lori by force. No. It's horrible and it was a mistake. But this lying to Rick was weighing on all of them. Ba! They dragged Carl into it. Shane pushed the kid away because he wanted to get away, because he cared, and then Rick came back and took everything from him. Shane had no right to take anything by force, the three of them should just talk like adults.

That was how Shane slept with his best friend's wife. For comfort, for comfort, and with the knowledge that this one was dead.

Yes, Rick may have been angry about what happened, however, if according to his family he died then isn't that what he would have wanted? For Lori and Carl to have someone to protect them at all costs? If he cared about Shane and Lori then he should understand that after his "death" they found comfort in each other's arms.

Yes, Lori lost her husband, but she wasn't the one with blood on her hands. It was Shane who witnessed Rick being shot. Wasn't Shane traumatized by it?

It was Shane who had to make the decision whether to take his friend out of the hospital, even though the friend wasn't breathing. After all, there was an apocalypse, those who were supposed to be protecting civilians were killing everyone - living and dead. Shane didn't know what was happening, it was loud and scary. The world was collapsing and he couldn't hear his friend's heartbeat. He wasn't a rescuer, he knew how to fight, not save, so he left Rick in the middle of all this mess.... and wasn't that hard? Leaving the person who was closest to your heart?

Besides, why did Lori blame Shane for leaving her husband alive in the hospital? What if she had to decide? Rick's heart skipped a beat over the damned din. Shane didn't hear it. Did Lori think Shane didn't blame himself every day? After all, Rick was his family, too.

So what did Shane do? He took care of the people his friend left behind, his wife because she was important to Rick, his son because he was a part of Rick. He wanted to protect them, he didn't plan on falling in love with Lori.

And Lori? She had torn Shane's heart apart. She should be talking to him, not selling out when Rick came back to the living. She disposed of what they had between them, ignored it as if nothing had ever happened. She took Shane's feelings and trampled them. The guy could have broken down, right?

This lack of conversation and Rick taking over the group... Shane was losing ground and starting to descend into madness. I think he needed direction and reassurance that he still mattered. After all, Rick was back in the group, so Shane was no longer needed, right?

However, he still cared about the Grimes family. I think Otis was the key moment when Shane fell into darkness. This horrible, violent world began to consume him, and his friend did nothing about it.

Am I the only one who feels like Rick was more focused on strangers than his own family? He was... everywhere. And yet all he had to do was talk to the people closest to him. Get angry that a friend slept with your wife, but for God's sake! Rick was dead and now he's alive, so get a grip because you're all alive! You're all safe and sound, and you're fighting for leadership over an indecisive woman and that poor kid. And Carl? It's terrible that he lost his father, but Shane sort of filled that gap because he loved that boy. I'm not saying he replaced Rick, but Uncle Shane was always there, right? Always, so why, when he got his father back, who was supposedly supposed to be dead, and he finally has all the people important to him by his side, does Shane want nothing to do with him? Did Lori have the right to forbid Shane from talking to the boy? And Carl's feelings?

I think they could have fixed that, right then, in front of the church. It was enough for Rick to hear Lori and Shane talking. If Rick had been there instead of Andrea?

He would have had a lot of questions.

He would have been inquiring.

Maybe Lori wouldn't have let Carl go with the men to look for Sophie.

Rick would have finally found out that Shane slept with Lori.

Carl wouldn't have been shot only Shane, who would have been sanctimoniously convinced that an enraged Rick would leave him to bleed to death.

Shane would eventually break down and start apologizing, sanctimoniously convinced that this was his end.

Rick would be angry and terrified, but he would still carry his friend to Hershel, because Shane may have slept with Lori, but he's STILL HIS BEST FRIEND and WILL NOT LET HIM DIE.

The thing with Otis would have never, ever happened and Lori, Rick and Shane would have finally, finally talked like adults.

Shane would have been saved.

I really do love that they brought Shane back for Rick's exit. Shane was integral to Rick's character in a way that helped to form the Rick we saw after season 2 and how he handled everything. Like Shane says here "I'm sure others influenced you but I'd like to take full credit for that."

I will never forgive Lori for getting in between them. They had a pure love for one another, a true brotherhood and partnership. Not knowing Rick was alive and taking comfort in one another is one thing, but Lori pushing manipulating Shane and then Rick the way she did once Rick was back, with the added pressure of a zombie apocalypse and then Lori being pregnant, no wonder Shane snapped. Am I saying Lori is the main reason? No, but she definitely added to it. I think in a lot of ways Shane wanted what Rick had and when Rick wasn't stepping up to the plate the way he thought he should (with the group, keeping Lori, Carl, and the baby safe, etc), he made the choice he did to step up and replace Rick. Shane was definitely unraveling and who knows how things would have gone had Shane survived and Rick died, but I don't believe for one second that killing Rick wouldn't have bothered Shane. He may have told himself to "forget that shit" but I think it absolutely would have stayed with him until the end. Just like it did with Rick.

This relationship in my opinion was one of the best on the show in the early years and deserved further exploration (plus Andy and Jon had amazing chemistry in their scenes together, they played very well off of one another), but no matter how it turned out, I'm just grateful that they showed the love these two men had for one another, even if it was only platonic/familial. They were truly brothers. (was there potential for more? yeah I think so but I respect what they chose to do especially since they didn't try to ratebait or try to hint at/play with anything else and I'm grateful for what they gave us)

I mean, I love all of their scenes (even the tough ones to watch) but this one still gets me every time:

He held Rick together, he cleaned him up, and he fought for his son. Even though I don't agree with the way he went about it, he did what he felt was necessary to get back with the supplies for Carl. And before that, he got Lori and Carl to safety, continued keeping them safe, went back for Rick, and barred the door even though he thought he was beyond saving (which ended up saving Rick's life). That's love, man.

edit 9/23/21: due to certain reactions, let me just clarify that I am very well aware that Shane was unraveling at the end of his story and that he had become unstable, increasingly dangerous, and a very serious threat. Hence why Rick did what he had to do in the end. When I say that's love, I'm talking about their relationship overall (minus all of that ugliness at the end obviously), which pre-existed the apocalypse. I think this goes without saying (but apparently some people don't think so) I DO NOT condone, nor have I ever nor will I ever condone, Shane's attack on Lori. Ofc that's not okay. It's NEVER okay. And despite how I feel about Lori's character, she obviously was NOT to blame for that attack. She NEVER was. That was all Shane. Now saying that, I am able to look at his story as a whole (just like Lori, just like Rick, etc) and still appreciate it for what it was despite me wishing they had not included that moment (I have zero idea how his story plays out in the comics). So feel free to keep coming for me but ultimately, you won't change my mind. And apparently, the show agrees how important Shane's character was for Rick and his turning point after his death because they never would have brought him back for that moment during The Governor arc or brought him back to be one of the important moments Rick experiences before his end in the series. They also would have never had Rick confirming that he knows Judith to be Shane's (twice), something that was completely unnecessary to confirm on screen for the story (though I think it was important for Rick's character quite possibly), which easily could have been altered to have her be Rick's biologically. (again, I have no idea what occurs in the comics, but the showverse didn't need to follow any of that to the letter, i.e. Daryl) So, to sit there and call me names and talk about how apparently fucked in the head I am for seeing the love these two men had for another (which was purely platonic and brotherly as the show indicated) that ended up getting warped in the end but still loving it, to sit there and talk about Shane sleeping with Lori as a power move (maybe I'm forgetting something but when their relationship happened they thought Rick was dead?), that fans of slash ships will do whatever they have to in order to justify their ships (homophobia anyone? when will you people realize that when you say "slash ships" or "gay fanon ships" that this not only generalizes your point which supersedes the ship in question but that this actually tells the rest of us way more about you as an individual in life than it makes your supposed point?), well, I in turn have to ask, just what show were you watching? That's what I thought. So kindly fuck right off and have a great day. Don't let the door hit you on your homophobic toxic ass on the way out. Hope you become a better human being in time. Until then, peace. ✌️