#deny your soulmate and find your own destiny au

[headlightsontonight]

let me think abt this for a second

while we all know samdean are soulmates, theoretically, technically, michael/dean and lucifer/sam are also "soulmates" as in being made for each other. by god. from the bible.

so imagine you just [yoinked your brother into hell/was yoinked by your brother into hell] and there's a promise from your Dad that one day, there'll be a guy for you and you can complete your destiny and fight it out idk

so you wait millenia for this one guy, your fated, your vessel, the one that was literally designed to be yours, only for him to be um in love with his brother. obsessed with him, whatever.

i would go insane like. i can't imagine what the angels are feeling because that's your little toy designed to understand the complex feelings that you've been suffering through for years and basically act as your mirror, but he isn't?? he just doesn't??? he's like "you're stupid and wrong for turning against your brother" and hes in love with your brother's vessel and you're like ?? dude wtf

[after-witch]

Late Night Break In [Yandere Uvogin x Reader]

Title: Late Night Break In [Yandere Uvogin x Reader]

Synopsis: You never expected to find your soulmate. After all, it���s not like there were lots of people named “Uvogin” out there.

Word count: 3000ish

notes: yandere, soulmate AU, breaking and entering

Another Friday night alone. 

But it’s okay. You won’t wallow in self-pity and think about the couples who were out and about the city on romantic dates, or snuggled up on the couch prepping for a night of passionate (or not so passionate, depending on the strength of their relationship) sex. 

Life’s too short to wallow. And it’s not like you were exactly alone.

You’ve got your movie collection and your antique figurines and your latest purchase, a vintage sofa with restored upholstery that means you get the benefit of the original aesthetic without the downside of years of stains, rips, and potential bed bugs. 

And you have friends. Maybe you don’t see them very often, admittedly because you got tired of being asked when you were going to find your soul mate, whether or not you’d consulted a searching service to find them, if you were interested in one of them paying for the service if you didn’t have the money…

Sure, some people might get a little lonely without their soulmate. Someone who you were meant to be with forever and ever, until one or both of you died. And your coworkers who’d long since found their soul mates or who were actively searching day-after day (usually using those paid services that were perfect for such things--not that you wanted to spend your money on that) sometimes looked at you with these awful pity-filled expressions that made you want to roll your eyes.  

More so than your friend’s worried clucks and glances between each other, because at least you knew your friends were coming from a place of worry and not from a place of “why haven’t you done this thing society expects you to do?” like your coworkers.

And, really--

It wasn’t your fault that you hadn’t found your soul mate. 

It’s not like there were tons of people in your home city named “Uvogin,” after all. 

At least his name was well-hidden on your body. It was written, as everyone’s was, in a neat cursive scrawl in black ink that would never come off. You’d heard stories of people who had gone so far as to cut off the skin that contained their soul mate’s name--fighting destiny and all that--only for the name to pop up somewhere else or sometimes even on the same spot, black as ever on the healing, mangled skin.

It wasn’t something you were going to try. 

Uvogin’s name, whoever he was, was on the back of your neck,  low, between your shoulder blades. You liked it that way. It meant you couldn’t be the target of scammers or people who’d been unable to find their real soulmate and were obsessively, dangerously desperate to get someone (anyone) to be with them.

And you? Well. You wouldn’t deny that it might be nice to find your soulmate. Some of your friends and coworkers and passers-by-on-the-street certainly seemed happy to be together. 

But you weren’t going to stop living your life just because you were still on your own. So if you spent your evenings watching movies or rearranging your decorations or making the perfect beef-and-wine stew for one, what was so wrong with that? 

--

You don’t wake up when someone breaks through the wood of your door with a simple stab of their fingers, slides their hand in, undoes the lock, and turns the door knob to enter without any more fanfare.

You don’t wake up when someone’s eyes dart around your apartment, looking for your bedroom.  You don’t wake up when your bedroom door opens with only the tiniest creak.

You only wake up when a hand is slapped over your mouth, and you jolt from a dead sleep with a dizzying suddenness that leaves your head swimming.

You’re awake--you think--and there’s someone above you, a big, heavy presence that seems to take up everything in your field of vision. The taste of salt and flesh is on your mouth, a big hand pressed over your lips and jaw to keep you from moving them.

To keep you from screaming.

“Where is it?” The voice asks, and you can tell it’s a man. But he’s huge, tall as anything, and even in the dimness of your room you can see he has a wild shock of hair that makes him look more like a lion than anything else. The thought is almost silly in the fogginess of your head, but as reality comes in, clearing the way, there’s nothing to laugh about right now.

“Where’s what?” You ask, or try to ask, though you can’t do more than mumble against the large meat of his hand against your face.

  It takes him a moment to register that you can’t actually answer. You can see, barely, his eyes narrow down at you.

“Don’t be stupid,” he says, and you won’t be. He wants money, presumably, and you can give him that. Or your TV. Or whatever he wants. As long as you make it out alive.

Slowly, he removes his hand, as if waiting to see if you’ll try to scream.

You don’t. As he moves his hand away, your thoughts come quick, untethered, flitting about the unfairness of the situation. You haven’t really lived yet, and you’re too young to die, and you hope he doesn’t hurt you at all but if he does just let him not kill you at least, is that too much to ask, God, you hope not--

“Where is it?” He repeats. And maybe it’s just your imagination or the fear getting to you, but he seems like he’s lowered his voice a little, sounding less harsh and more considerate. Maybe because you didn’t scream and you aren’t making trouble. That’s a good sign, maybe. It’s hard to tell. 

You swallow. You wish he would move back, so you weren’t lying on your back in bed. But he does no such thing, so all you can do is stare up at him, heart hammering, mouth dry.

“Where’s what?” 

He snorts. 

”Your soulmate’s name.” 

Does your heart stop? No, but it feels like it does. You expected him to say something else. Like. Your money or your safe or your most valuable items. But your soulmate’s name? Is he some sort of deranged loner who couldn’t find his soulmate and he thinks you’re itt? 

Or… 

You swallow, thick, as the thought finally comes to you. It’s not something you thought about often, because most people weren’t worried about things like this. But sometimes your soulmate was someone Not Very Nice. Someone that Hunters might be tasked to go after. And this man, bulky and strong and intimidating as hell, could definitely be a Hunter.  

More often than not, they went after civilian soulmates when catching the criminals proved to be too difficult--though no one could say for sure what might be done to them afterward. 

Some of them were used as bait. Some of them were taken to the authorities to help track down their not-so-law-abiding soulmates. And some… well. You’d heard rumors that killing a soulmate could hinder certain types of criminals. 

“None… none of your business.” Your teeth clack against each other, a thin, quick pain that seems to linger on in your mouth. 

The man’s lips twist into a frown, half-shadowed by the darkness in the room, although as your eyes adjust you can see more of him. It doesn’t make you feel any less worried about what’s going to happen, though. 

“No?” 

You see his arm move, and think he’s about to slap his hand over your mouth again, but what he does instead is shove his arm right in front of your face.

You blink.

And stare.

And it takes you a moment to realize what you’re looking at--on his arm, bulky as it is, scared as you are. 

It’s your name. In a nice, neat scrawl. Unmistakable and permanently stained on his skin.

This man isn’t a Hunter sent here to kidnap you or drag you into a station or kill you. And he certainly isn’t here to steal your wallet or your television or your collection of rare comic books.

He’s your soulmate.

Uvogin.

“B-Back… back of my neck,” you say, stammering. 

He hums. And then he shifts over on the bed, and you instinctively sit up in your bed, glad to no longer be prone underneath him. 

“Let me see,” he says, gruff. But there’s a gradual lessening of heaviness in the air, now that you know he isn’t here to kill you or rob you or who knows what else. That still doesn’t excuse breaking into your apartment and doing this, but…

You lean forward, and with a surprising gentleness considering his size, he pulls down the back of your nightshirt enough to see what’s underneath. 

“Heh, there it is, huh…”

 He lets the fabric go and you lean back, looking at him. He stares down at you, his weight sagging your mattress, his bulky frame taking up most of the bed.

“You gonna scream?” 

You think. You bite your cheek. You shake your head.

“You gonna try to run?”

You breathe out through your nose. And you think. And you shake your head. You won’t scream, you won’t run--you can tell without asking that neither of those would do you any good. And… do you really need to? There’s a strange sort of curiosity that’s building inside you, now that you know who he is--your soulmate. 

He nods, tilting his head back a little, craning his neck as if to stretch it.

“Hope so. Would be stupid if you tried, and I hope my soulmate isn’t that stupid. You get me?”

You nod again, and your breath hitches just a little when he stands up and begins to stretch his neck again. He sighs, evidently pleased by the releasing of tension, or maybe pleased that he’s found you and you didn’t shriek like a wild banshee and try to get away.

You could still try to run. Your fingers grip on your sheets, still uneasy. Sure, he was your soulmate but… soulmates didn’t usually burst into people’s rooms at night and tell them not to scream. Usually.

Uvogin, like his name, was definitely an outlier. 

He leans against the wall next to your bed, looking down at you with appraising eyes. It almost makes you wish you weren’t sitting in bed wearing an old nightshirt, eyes bleary, hair messy. It wasn’t exactly a good first impression. 

“Been looking for you for a while,” he tells you. “I thought maybe you were good at hiding… Shalnark’s soulmate kept him out of the loop for a while.” He chuckles to himself, reliving some private memory. “But looks like you’re just that much of a nobody.”

Something inside your chest bristles.

“Excuse me?” You sit up straighter, and finally get the nerve to lean over to your bedside table and flick on the lamp. Your eyes squint for a moment. The addition of new light doesn’t make your soulmate look any less intimidating. But it does make you feel less like some helpless rabbit in the dark, at least.

He raises his eyebrows, and there’s a small part of you--a churning in your stomach--that tells you to sit down and shut up. But you’re not about to be 

“That’s rude,” you say, as calmly as you can. “I’m not a nobody just because you couldn’t find me. Maybe it means you’re bad at looking.”

There’s a pause, a beat. You wonder if you’ve pissed him off. But then he throws his head back and laughs. 

“Fair enough,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “Fair enough.” He sighs, then, and looks up at the ceiling. “There is the question of what to do with you, though.”

Ah, there it is again. That churning in your stomach. A growing pit, tight and electric. 

You sit up straighter, and piece what little you know of these puzzles together in your mind. It doesn’t add up to anything particularly wholesome, even with giant chunks missing. 

“I… I’m guessing you wouldn’t be okay with a long distance relationship,” you mutter. 

He scoffs, a little laugh. “Oh? What gave you that idea?”

He leans forward, and you don’t know exactly what you expected him to do, but it wasn’t to pat you on the head. But he does. 

“Smart,” he says, while his voice is teasing there’s something that sounds a little genuine in there. Or were you imagining it? Was it just part of the soul mate bond, maybe, to automatically see things your soulmate did as pleasant? 

He sits back down on the bed. The bed frame creaks. You aren’t keen on spending money to replace it, but you aren’t keen on scolding your very large, very strong soulmate right now either. So you keep mum.

He leans forward and rests his hand on his palm, keeping his elbow on his knee.

“Well. I don’t exactly got a house with a white picket fence. Or without one, for that matter.” He rubs at his nose, and it strikes you, how casual this conversation is… your soulmate, sitting on your bed, after breaking into your apartment in the dead of night. You take the moment of his consideration to lean over and look through your bedroom door, which faces the entryway. You can just make out the busted wood of your front door… fuck. What would your landlord say?

“Some of the others got one place they keep their soulmates, suppose I should think about it…” He glances at you, gauging something. “Makes it easier when you have one place to go, ‘stead of dragging your soulmate everywhere.”

His words finally do let you feel a sense of unease. You don’t know who the “others” are, or why they would need to be dragging their soulmates everywhere. He wasn’t a Hunter, but maybe something like it. Something that kept him moving. Or, more likely considering the circumstances of your first meeting, something that kept him on the run.

The thought of being dragged around or even taken to some sort of strange house brings back that churning in your stomach, an awful, lurching feeling. Your eyes dart around your room, to everything you’ve set up in your life up until now. 

Every inch of your apartment was carefully chosen, down to the rugs on the floor and the color of the tension rods you’ve shoved into the windowsill. But it’s not just the decor. It’s… your whole life. Your job, the coworkers you’d carefully built relationships with, the fact that you have a favorite diner for breakfast and takeout spot for the weekends. 

“I… don’t want to leave here.” Your voice is soft and at first you think he doesn’t hear you, but when you see him raising his eyebrows and lean forward, you get the nerve to continue.

“If-if that’s possible,” you add, a little quickly. “I’d like to stay here. This could be your… the place where you keep me. Or whatever.” The last words come out mumbled. They’re almost embarrassing to say, like you’re some kind of pet.

He doesn’t say anything for a little while. You almost start talking again, some half-baked plead, but he leans a little closer to you. His look is serious.

“How could I trust that you won’t just run away after I leave?”

Your lips press together. 

“I worked hard for this place. For this life. I would hate…” And you search for the words, lost somewhere in the dimness of your room. “I would hate for it all to become worthless.” 

You sit up straighter, before leaning towards him. Maybe it will be easier to convince him if you don’t act so rigid, so scared. You can do that. 

“If you let me stay here, or-or even if you just let me take my favorite things with me, I’ll be… good?”

He snorts. There’s a hint of a smirk as he leans forward.

“Yeah? You’ll be good?”

Warm flushing creeps to your cheeks, and for the first time you think about what it really means to be someone’s soulmate. Togetherness. Intimacy. 

Your words come out halted, and fumbling. But you mean them, as long as it guarantees that you don’t have to give up your life. Your apartment, your spots, every carefully curated bit of your existence here. Or even--and the thought is desperate--if he is going to take you away, it would be enough if you could keep your belongings. Just enough. 

“I’ll do what you want?” You shrug, keeping your eyes downcast on  your lap, though you can see him shift out of the corner of your gaze.. “Cook or clean or… whatever.”

There’s a hand on your chin, but this time he doesn’t cover your mouth. Instead he tilts your chin up and holds it there, forcing you to keep eye contact.

“So what? You want to make a deal? I let you keep some furniture, and you’re going to be a good little housewife for me?”

“I didn’t--” You say, practically spluttering the words out. “I didn’t say that.” Your cheeks feel impossibly hot. 

He laughs, and lets go of your chin. You don’t look down.

“No, I like it. It’s cute.” He grins at you. “I’m lucky. Some of the others, well…” He rolls his eyes, and you don’t press him on it. 

He drums his fingers against the bed. 

You look up at him, eyes wide, hopeful. 

He sighs, then gives you a lopsided grin that makes your stomach churn in a different way than before. Though the feeling is just as unnerving.

“All right,” he says, with a casual sort of finality. “You can stay here.” A pause. “For now. If you try anything--and I mean anything, like going to the cops, telling your friends, whatever…” He moves his wrist around in a gesture that you can only take to mean “all of this goes away.” He looks at you with a seriousness that makes you want to press yourself through the headboard and into the wall. “Got it?”

You nod.

But then…

“There’s… one thing I need you to do before morning, then,” you say, voice tight and quiet but determined. “Uvogin,” you add, hoping that using his name might make him a little less intimidating. It doesn’t, but maybe that comes with time. 

Both of his eyebrows raise. You almost think he’ll just shut you down, but instead he asks--

“Yeah? What’s that?” 

You gesture towards your open bedroom door, towards the front of your apartment.

“You have to fix that door first. My landlord will have a fit.”

For the second time since meeting you, Uvogin throws back his head and laughs. 

[redrose10]

so i was told 'maybe in another life' pt. 2 was a possibility and here we are.... PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU GIVE ME A PART TWO AND MY LIFE IS YOURS 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

I hope this lives up to your expectations…

There will be another part to this one too. Sorry

This is a part 2/continuation of this one here.

Non Idol Yoongi x Loan Shark Female Reader. Soulmate AU

Warnings: Violence, guns, kind of suggestive, mentions of orphanage, murder, swearing, name calling

*******************************************************

Over the years, lifetimes really, you grew to hate the idea of soulmates. You used to think the idea was sweet. The thought of being tied to someone else so tightly that destiny would force the two of you together somehow seemed romantic. If only your other half had felt the same way.

The last time you saw Yoongi in person he was a famous idol that you happened to have to work with while he was completing his required military service. Once again he rejected your soulmate status though. He told you to move on and find someone else like he had. Because just like he said he would, he married another woman who wasn’t you. She was an idol just like him. Famous, talented, and beautiful. The wedding photos that were plastered in every magazine and all over the city were beautiful. Even you couldn’t deny that he looked at her with so much love and affection, something you never saw from him. They ended up having two kids, a boy and a girl. He had his own little happy family while you struggled every day to get by. Yoongi went on to live a long successful life filled with fame, money, and happiness from what you could see.

You can still remember the way you felt the day you saw the news of his passing. There had always been a part of you that hoped that maybe he would realize his love for you, especially after it was announced that him and his wife had divorced. Then the two of you could be together and finally put an end to the lifetimes of suffering you had endured, but you never saw him in person again.

And in that moment as you stared at his smiling face plastered on your tv screen while the newscaster discussed the upcoming funeral it sealed the deal and forced you into yet another life once your current was over.

In this new life you no longer cared to find Yoongi and instead accepted the fact that you would be forced to live a million different lives possibly for eternity. All of this lead you to be the cold, bitter, ruthless person you had become today.

“Please!”, the man in front of you sobbed, “I’ll get the money. I promise. Just give me another week.”

You pushed the end of the pistol a little harder into his forehead sure to leave a mark. “That’s what you said last week.”, you spat, “I’m out of time. The boss wants his money or a body. Which is it gonna be?”

“Please. I’m begging you. I’ll have it next wee-“

The man dropped to floor lifeless as you put away your still smoking gun. “Clean this up and get him over to the boss.”, you ordered to one of your men before pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one up.

The first time you killed someone you cried yourself to sleep that night. Their crying, sobs of desperation, the way they called for their mother… You had nightmares for weeks. But now, years later, it was just another day on the job. Tonight you will go home, crack open a beer, and forget everything that just happened. It was the only way to survive.

“Let’s go. Boss sent the next location.”, one of your men spoke from the doorway, “Said it’s a big one.” You nodded and put out your cigarette before following behind.

You don’t exactly remember how you ended up as one of the lead loan sharks for the biggest and fiercest mob boss this side of the planet, but somehow you got there. You were orphaned at a young age. Bounced around from home to home most of which not equipped to properly provide for you which resulted in stealing to get what you needed. One evening you smelled something that made your stomach growl even harder than it had been. A steaming loaf of fresh baked bread was left out in front of a bakery to cool. You were starving and cold and after making sure no one was looking you grabbed it and ran. You didn’t get very far before two men caught up to you grabbing you by your arms. They carried you back to that same storefront and into one of the back rooms where you were thrown on the ground.

“We don’t tolerate thieves around here.”, someone spat before forcing cold metal against your head. You closed your eyes not having the strength or motivation to fight back and hopelessly just wished for it to be over soon. You heard another voice enter the room demanding the gun to be put away. After some protests by your captor and a stern warning from the other man the gun was removed from your skin and the grip around your neck loosened. The man who saved you left the room without a word. You never even opened your eyes to get a look at him.

Before you knew it you were being driven to a large mansion just outside of the main city. You were given a bedroom and clean clothing. Three meals a day were provided which was more than you’d ever had. All of this was free of charge, you just had to promise to sign your life away to someone they only referred to as The Boss.

Regardless of what others think, to this day you’ve never seen him. Haven’t heard his voice since that day he demanded your release in the back of the bakery he used as a front for a gambling ring. You agreed to work for him because you had nothing else to loose and now many years later you were his top worker being trusted to lead his teams while doing all of his dirty work. It gave you a comfortable life by keeping you fed and housed and most of all kept your mind busy to the point you hardly ever thought about Min Yoongi.

“Ready? Boss says he wants this one alive if he refuses to pay. Wants to take care of him hisself. Guess this one has been extra mouthy.”, Baek said next to you. Baek was your right hand man. One of the few people in this business you trusted.

“Good, means we can be a little extra rough. I need to let off some steam anyways.”, you sighed checking to make sure your gun was loaded.

In the middle of an old abandoned factory you found a group of your men standing in a circle hurling insults and expletives, a few threw in a kick or punch at the man who was on his knees with his hands tied behind his back and a blindfold blocking his vision.

“Alright boys, step aside.”, you said pushing your way through the crowd of taller bigger men that you were never afraid of.

“Great. The princess is here.”, one of them groaned. “Wonder how often she has to fuck the boss for him to keep her around.”, another scoffed. You cocked your gun and pointed it directly in the middle of his forehead, “Who I fuck and when or where I fuck them is none.of.your.business.”

“Whoa whoa whoa Y/N let’s put the gun down. It’s late and we need to get this over with so we can all go get some rest.”, Baek said while he gently, but firmly forced your hand down.

“Yeah watch your mouth bitch.”, another in the crowd said, but before you could figure out who was the culprit someone else decided to interject.

“I’d be happy to keep her mouth occupied for a while.”, the man on his knees said making your stomach twist into a knot. That voice was oddly familiar.

Your head whipped to the side so fast you lost balance and when you composed yourself and got a good look at him you froze.

That smirk. You could recognize that smirk anywhere. That same smirk has haunted your dreams for centuries.

[cardansriddle]

could u do a tom riddle soulmate au! with a shy anxious hufflepuff and he’s like whipped over her

Faded ink of the fated- Tom Riddle.

part 2

PROMPT LIST

Warnings: None. 

A/N: Here you go with the soulmate au. I know the ending is a bit unclear so it is up for your own interpretation. I intended it to be a happy ending and thought it is best to end it at that. Tom might be a tiny bit ooc. ( As I’ve said I don’t really like soft tom but whatever.) Let me know what you think of this piece and if you want a part 2.

-

The universe was a strange little thing.

Well, perhaps not so little, since it was vast beyond imagination, but it most definitely was bizarre.

In all of its greatness and glory, it challenged you with a task that seemed almost impossible to fulfil—finding your soulmate.

You had always wondered how you were supposed to find the person that the stars had destined to be yours. The world was unimaginably big and the chances of you bumping into your soulmate were indeed close to nothing. Throughout your life, you had only seen a handful of people who had met their destiny, their soulmate, and had been able to intertwine their lives. Those who were not so fortunate had decided to settle down and fall in love with another, impatient and tired from waiting for their intended.

The delicate tattoo engraved on your wrist had always scared you more than it fascinated you. The picture was of a skull of a snake with its mouth wide open, looking as if it was devouring a flower. It did not make sense to you. How would a snake eating a flower relate to your soulmate? So after years of contemplation, you came to the conclusion that perhaps whoever was your soulmate would corrupt you and feed on your energy until you were nothing but a hollow shell.

A bold prediction.

One you hoped was wrong.

But as you sat in your usual seat during Divination, staring at your slightly faded ink covered flesh instead of the useless teacup, you could not help but feel a sense of deep longing for your destined person.

"If you keep staring at it any longer you might lose your mind," Alina whispered from next to you, having noticed your distraction. "For the love of Merlin, finish this assignment so we can leave. If I hear Professor Mistleswit drone on about leaves and teas any longer, I am afraid I will go bananas."

You chuckled at her words and finally tore your eyes away from the familiar tattoo. "And I am afraid if I force myself to look at this teacup any longer, I will throw up. What is that stench anyway?"

Alina shrugged before huffing. "This is such a useless class. Even Tom Riddle is bored to tears. Look." She pointed discreetly at the boy sitting a few seats away. You followed her gaze and saw Riddle half-heartedly noting something down on his parchment, his slender fingers moving the quill carefully and expertly. His hair was held neatly in place, save for a few strands that fell onto his eyes and you stared as his other hand went to brush his hair back, fingers sliding through luscious locks smoothly. Though you could tell he was bored by the slight clench of his defined jaw and the way he would throw glances at the clock.

He was truly a fascinating sight.

As if noticing your burning stare, he lifted his head and his eyes found yours and the eye contact knocked the breath out of your lungs. You did not miss the slight narrowing of his eyes or the way he tilted his head while continuing to look at you until you could no longer bear it. You looked away, heat flooding to your cheeks as you realised he had caught you openly staring at him.

Way to go.

"Why are you blushing?" Alina suddenly nudged you, her tone filled with suspicion as she regarded you.

"I am not blushing." You denied.

"Yes, you are."

"No."

She scoffed and was about to berate you further when the bell chimed loudly, announcing the end of your misery. You mentally thanked the gods and quickly shot up from your place, shoving your stuff into your bag before making for the door at a hurried pace.

You were almost out the door when Alina shrieked. "Hey! Come back here!"

You turned around to smirk at her, however you crashed into a chest instead. Hands wrapped around your arms to hold you in place and you quickly tried to pull away apologetically. "Oof. Sorry" You muttered as you glanced up at your victim and instantly froze.

Holy spit of Merlin.

You had crashed into Tom motherfucking Riddle.

You swallowed nervously, very aware of your heart that was now beating a hundred miles per minute and you hoped it would not break your ribcage with its unrelenting force.

Riddle's gaze was locked on you, his face blank.

"Sorry, Tom. I uh didn't see you there." You apologised once more and tried to smile gently at him but failed miserably. He did not utter a word and instead continued to look at you with an expression you could not decipher. You were painfully aware of his hands that were still around your arms and when you glanced down at them, he quickly withdrew his hands as if they were on fire and you found yourself strangely disappointed at the loss of contact.

What was wrong with you?

And Merlin, did you call him Tom? Since when did you assume you were on first name basis?

Your cheeks reddened even more. "Uh, I'll just go then." You said somehow pathetically before turning around and bolting out of the classroom.

Strings of colourful curses left your mouth as you rushed away from the scene, embarrassed. First, he had caught you staring unabashedly at him and then you had bumped into him before stumbling over your words like a fool.

Anxiousness overcome your senses as you pondered what he would think of you now. You did not even know why his opinion mattered so suddenly, but at that moment Tom Marvolo Riddle was all that consumed your head. It was as if he was suddenly the centre of all your thoughts.

You put your hand over your heart and willed yourself to forget about the wizard. Even if your efforts were in vain.

                          ━━━━━━༻♛༺━━━━━━

Sat between two of your closest friends, you could not help but emit a groan as Alina started telling your companions around you about the incident that happened in Divination. You huffed and rolled your eyes to express your displeasure, well aware that you were perhaps being a tad bit childish and that it would not stop your friend from retelling the apparently amusing story.

Why was bumping into Riddle such a big deal anyway? You were sure you were not the first one.

"You are aware that he stared at me as if I was a nuisance, right? He did not even say anything after I apologised like a hundred tim—" You tried to say only to be cut off by Alina continuing her story.

"—and then he put his arms around her to catch her. Ah, such a gentleman!" She cooed dreamily, putting her chin on her palm as she sighed. "He is such a charmer."

You could only frown at her exaggeration. "Well, I do not think he is that charming. In fact, I think he is arrogant and pretentious and not at all kind." You expressed your opinion sourly, crossing your arms in front of your chest and glaring at your friends who had...bewildered and panicked expressions. Your brows furrowed in confusion.

"Ahem." A voice sounded from behind you, causing your whole body to still and horror to wash over you. "I do hope I am not the subject of your disdain."

You slowly turned around in your seat and were greeted with the sight of Tom Riddle standing right in front of you with a raised brow. To make the situation worse, it seemed the whole Great Hall was sneaking glances in your direction since it was not every day that Riddle approached a table that was not of his own house.

You could only stare at him with mouth slightly agape and he seemed to be amused by your inability to say anything.

"How..how can I help you, Riddle?" You finally managed to ask and silently cursed yourself for stammering breathlessly while talking.

The corner of his mouth tilted upwards for the tiniest bit, and had you not been staring so intensely at him, you would have surely missed it. "You dropped this earlier today when we...encountered each other."

You glanced at the item he was holding in his hand, and sure enough, he was holding your book in his hand. You glanced back up at him through your lashes before gently grabbing the book and Merlin— your fingers accidentally grazed his, lingered for a second too long before you finally pulled it away. Yet you did not break eye contact all throughout the process.

"Thank you." You breathed out, at last, allowing a small smile to grace your lips. He merely nodded at you before departing with hurried steps, yet all you could do was stare after him in a daze.

"Merlin's beard! That was so romantic! I am truly jealous of you now that you managed to catch Riddle's attention." Layla whispered from next to you. Rolling your eyes, you looked back at the book now clutched tightly in your grasp and a small voice inside of your head urged you to open it. So you did and came across a small piece of parchment in between the pages. Looking around to make sure no one was watching, you flipped the paper and read the words written in elegant handwriting, which was no doubt Tom's.

'Astronomy Tower. Midnight.'

That was all that was written. You lifted your head to look towards the Slytherin table and was startled to see Tom's eyes already watching your movements carefully. You nodded once, to confirm that you would be there, and seemingly satisfied, he looked away with a small pleased smirk.

Throughout the whole day, you could not help but wonder why in the name of Helga he would want to meet with you. Not to mention at such an ungodly hour.

You kept wondering even as you climbed the never-ending stairs. Your stomach kept churning nervously, and anxiety started gnawing on your mind relentlessly. You placed a hand over your chest to calm your rapid heartbeat, yet your efforts were futile.

"You came." His voice sounded behind you once you stepped onto the tower, startling you and causing you to let out an embarrassing squeak. His lips twitched as he held back a smirk.

"Hi, Tom." You greeted quietly, before mentally berating yourself. Did you sound stupid? You desperately hoped not.

"Hello." He replied amusedly.

You took a moment to take in his appearance, noting that he was still wearing his robes and his dark hair was kept perfectly in place.

"Why did you want to meet me?"

His eyes left yours and you continued to watch him as he faced the sky and stared ahead. His fingers wrapped around the railing, clenching around it. Tom's composure crumbled the tiniest bit, enough for you to detect his hesitation. Was he nervous?

"May I...see your soulmate mark?" He voiced out quietly, still not daring to look at your face, and it was right at that moment when everything clicked in your head.

You cleared your throat. "Only if you let me see yours."

His spine straightened as he finally turned to look at you, and you stood rooted in your place as he stalked towards you with unhurried strides until he was standing in front of you.

"I do not have one," Tom whispered bitterly into the cold air between you. Your brows furrowed in confusion while your heart ached for him, for how could fate be so cruel to him? To give everyone a life-mate and leave him without one was a vicious punishment. What you did not know, however, was that the wizard in front of you had partially lied. It was true that at the moment he did not have the mark, yet he once had possessed it. Before he had split his soul while on a quest for immortality. And it had come with a price. To lose one's soul would surely result in losing their soulmate.

But despite that, Tom knew, he had always known it was you who was his soulmate. He had spent his days in the shadowed corners of the hallway watching you, made sure to know every little thing about you because he felt it in his bones that you were his destiny. Yet it was when you bumped into him that he knew certainly that you were his.

Slowly, he raised your sleeve to reveal the skin that bore the mark and his eyes fell upon the faded ink that tainted your skin. You helt him catch his breath and hold it as his eyes took in the sight. "It is fading." He stated, jaw clenching with what you assumed was anger. Perhaps even confusion. You could not read his emotions.

"I do not know why it is fading. It started around a few months ago." You confessed.

He swallowed the invisible lump in his throat. "Mine disappeared around the same time." Then as if ashamed, he hung his head low and shook it slowly. You could not help but wish you could read his mind so you would know what he was thinking. Your own thoughts were a jumbled mess, and you had more questions that answers about the whole situation.

You were about to ask him, but he lifted his head. The hand that was previosuly holding your sleeve slid down your arm to interlace with your fingers, while his other hand went to cup your cheek. You felt something churning in your stomach pleasantly at the sudden affectionate touches.

"Would you..." He cut himself off, and you wondered if you were imagining the sea of emotions that were swimming in his eyes. "Would you believe me if I said you are destined for me?"

-

[erika-being-erika]

More levihan reccomendations!

Part 1

• One Last Time by PiercingThePage

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Levi & Hanji have been dating for about 3 years in highschool. He starts to have feelings for one of the pretty girls names Petra Ral. After he starts cheating on Hanji with her, he decides he wants out of the relationship. Until the day he decides to tell her, ends up being the day she tells him that she's pregnant. Will they make it out well, or will Levi start to realize he is becoming his own dead beat dad

• Having My Baby by Countess_Dorkula

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Another SNK Kink Meme fill. Follow Levi and Hanji as they go through the marvelous adventure towards parenthood.

• catch me if you can by fanmoose12

[Multi-chapter || on going]

Summary:

The Ackerman duo. Just the mention of this name filled Hange with so many feelings. Mostly, when she reread the files of their cases over and over, until her eyes watered, she felt pricking annoyance. Sometimes, when she stared at the dead bodies of those scarce unfortunates who stumbled upon their crimes, she was filled with hatred and a pushing need for revenge. Hange couldn't deny, however, there were times when she marveled at the impudence of their crimes. And, when she was investigating the Ackerman's cases and saw just how meticulously planned they all were, she couldn't help but feel something close to fascination.

No one knew who they were. No one had seen their faces, no one knew their true names. Almost everyone knew of their crimes.

Hange was determined to unravel every last one of their secrets. She will put an end to their crimes and then she will get the elusive Ackermans behind bars.

• Partners by fanmoose12

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

When Petra was promoted to a detective and partnered up with legendary Levi Ackerman, she felt like the happiest person in the world.

But, as she soon found out, detective Ackerman she used to admire so much was actually a far cry from the ideal policeman Petra thought he was. He was rude, harsh and easily annoyed.

And, in addition, he still hadn’t moved on from the death of his previous partner - detective Hange Zoe.

• can't keep my hands off you by fanmoose12

[Multi-chap || completed]

Summary:

Hange, Levi and their not so secret relationship.

• Looking for You by fanmoose12

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Returning from a long mission, all Levi wanted was to spend sometime with Hange. But instead he got a message from Erwin, urging him to come to HQ. There he found out, that Hange was missing for over a week and that his new mission is to partner with Moblit, Hange's loyal assistant, and together find and bring Hange home.

• A Tale of Two Slaves by TundrainAfrica

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

"Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn't exist. Everything's a choice. And Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him."

Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn't.

• Free-Falling by djmarinizela

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Skydiver and tea shop owner Levi Ackerman meets the town’s resident mad scientist and tries to convince himself that he's not falling for her.

• All of Me by MannaTea

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

By the time they reached the trees, Sylvia's sides were heaving, her flanks covered in sweat-foam, but they couldn't afford to stop; two titans had become more. Hange refused to look behind her, but she could tell by the way the ground shook that one of them was at least a 13-meter class.

And all she had with her was one blade and a horse who was about to drop dead of exhaustion.1

• Dreams May Not Come True by MannaTea

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Levihan. Hange knows something is wrong when she goes down to breakfast one morning and the smell makes her stomach churn.

• Something Like Destiny by MannaTea

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Reincarnation AU. Zoë doesn't have dreams; she just knows.

• A Dangerous Game by just_quintessentially_me

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

A snk 1920′s AU:

Sina is wild, crowded, bursting with industry. Home to jazz, fashion - and corruption. Crooked politicians, dirty police, and powerful gangs have turned the city into a cesspit of violence where the powerful rule. At the center of the chaos are the Ackermans - one of the most powerful gangs in the city, Mayor Fritz - who is as corrupt as he is wealthy, Erwin - a police commander determined to weed out the corruption in his own department, and Hanji - a journalist willing to risk everything to expose their city’s darkest secrets.

• A Simple Choice by just_quintessentially_me

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

The rain had started up again. Fat droplets drummed over her hood, drenching the fabric. Her horse’s reins were wet and cold; though her fingers, numbed from continued exposure to the elements, could hardly feel them.

Following the sound of the explosion, they’d arrived at a clearing. It was a mess of blackened, shattered wood, and the wagon, a skeleton, was little more than a smoking husk. Beyond the wreckage, a titan lay prostrate. Felled, its limp, hulking form was barely visible through the rain.

As soldiers shouted, pointing at the creature, one of the horses still tethered to the ruined wagon, writhed. When the beast screamed a broken, panicked wail, her own horse shifted, flanks twitching with unease.

Hanji barely noticed.

The soldiers' voices, the poor beast’s screams, even the heavy, even thrum of rain - had silenced as she looked to the river.

A body lay at the edge of the dark, white-capped water.

• License to Science (And Kill) by just_quintessentially_me

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

When International criminal organization, TITAN, successfully steals an arsenal of missiles along with their encrypted launch codes, Code Blue is initiated. It up to Agent Levi Ackerman, a spy in a class of his own, and Research scientist Hanji Zoe, the premiere authority on the organization, to halt a global catastrophe in its tracks.

She lowered her glasses, brown eyes blinking over the rims. “Does this mean I have a-” One brow lifted. “License to Science?”

“No. But I do have a License to Kill. Don’t tempt me to use it.”

• Aftermath by just_quintessentially_me

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Levi rushes to the wall in the aftermath of the Armored and Colossal Titans' attack.

“Are you worried about your wife?”

The question shocked him out of his musings.

Levi looked up, “My what?”

But the pastor was already speaking, “You’re obviously beside yourself with stress – and it’s understandable. Not knowing if your wife has survived-”

Levi cut him off, “My what?”

The pastor hesitated, apparently realizing he’d made some mistake, but misunderstanding precisely what it was. “Your…wife? The woman we traveled with before? She’s ah – forceful. You two uh – have the same, er – strident personality. When we first met, she dangled me off the wall.”

• Terrible Things by someonestolemyshoes

[One-shot]

Summary:

The first time he tells her she’s pretty, Hange is all kinds of filthy - sweaty, dirty, twigs in her hair and mud on her shoes and a great big disgusting ball of everything Levi hates.

She is also crying.

It isn’t like he’s never seen her cry before - they’re nine and crying is just what kids do, especially kids like Hange who like to play with things they probably shouldn’t play with and like to climb trees even though they’re kind of clumsy and so the crying, in it’s self, isn’t all that weird.

What’s weird is that Hange - Hange, with her print-smudged glasses and ratty ponytail and clothes two sizes too big for her - is crying because a boy called her ugly.

• Acquiescence by 3LevisInATrenchcoat

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

On Judgement Day, the tide brought someone strange.

• My soulmate by a_golden_hearted_snk_fan

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

When your soulmate gets injured or hurt, their injuries show up on your skin with a slight sting then slowly fade. It was a rare thing to occur, but Levi and Hanji were the lucky ones.

• SOS by djmarinizela

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Levi is a reclusive senior student who shares an apartment with Mike, Nanaba, and his best friend, Hange, who he's secretly in love with. Oddly enough, they also belong to the same secret club with a special operations squad. The 104th cohort is a bunch of freshmen misfits they've taken under their wing, Moblit is Hange's lab partner also vying for her affections, while Erwin’s the newest instructor who doesn’t know how to teach. And they say school is fun.

• the moon is dark by alteirkay

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

His face was wet.

“What the hell?” He murmured touching his face to see if he was mistaken. He was not. His hair was damp with sweat. There was an uneasiness invading his whole body. He was filled with it like he had drunk it straight from a bottle. His chest was heavy, his breaths were uneven, and his right eye was throbbing like a hammer was hitting at it continuously.

He was feeling like he had just lost someone.

• The Experiment by KakashiSensei

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

After a public brawl between them, Commander Erwin confines Captain Levi and Zoë Hange to barracks. When the Survey Corps next heads out, they are left behind as a punishment. Soon bored out of her mind, Hange turns her scientific curiosity towards the most interesting specimen within her reach: Levi. When his past reaches out to him to claim him back, she joins him on a dangerous journey. Do budding feelings have a chance in the most desolate of places?

• windmill by alteirkay

[One-shot]

Summary:

Here is the thing about Levi, his heart is a windmill in the middle of a wilderness where there was no wind to make it twirl, there was no wind to make it beat, pound and feel. Just feel.

Until one day he got hit by a storm so wild, so rare and so incredibly terrifying but in the most beautiful and breath-taking way that it left him defenceless, vulnerable and weak. Like a tiny little flower which had long passed its day of blossoming in a fierce, winter dawn yet it stood erect with its fragile body, challenging against the merciless winds and the brutal frost.

He fell in love.

• In Your Shoes by Neighborhood_Nori

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary

Levi, Paradis Studio's strict ballet instructor, can't stand the newly hired hip-hop instructor, Hanji. As a ballet dancer with his own complicated history with hip-hop, Levi only has respect for the more refined forms of dance. Can Hanji change his mind about her and her style of dance through determination, persistence, and her passion for dance?

• Distractions by Rookblonkorules

[One -shot]

Summary:

Hange’s love for pop culture interferes with her and Levi’s work.

It’s annoying.

• Leave You Whole. by zerothecreator

[One-shot]

Summary:

Levi spends his last moments in Hangë’s arms.

• Moments by Anonymous

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Levihan Modern AU

She's a long-legged, sun-kissed beauty with tattoos in hidden places and multiple piercings.

Her leather jacket's on his bedroom floor, her ripped jeans too and she's pretty sure one of her heeled scarlet boots got left in the living room in their haste last night. At least her glasses are on top of the bedside drawer- they managed that, at least.

• more baby snacks by argethara

[One-shot]

Summary:

Levi tries to find out how and why boxes of Udo's biscuits are gone.

• Anniversary by EllePellano

[One-shot]

Summary:

AU One-shot: Erwin and Levi have a short conversation about the woman they both loved

• All We Are by TundrainAfrica

[One-shot]

Summary:

"We’re what’s left of the old survey corps Levi. We’re all alone.”

“We can’t be alone if there’s two of us.”

“So what do you suggest Captain Levi?”

“We stick together…” Levi answered. “We stick together, Commander Hange.”

During the time skip, Hange and Levi's relationship develops.

• Thin Ice by Xenobia

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Takes place between events in chapter 90 of the manga. Hange, now commander of Survey Corps, commissions Captain Levi to scout territory in the mountains to search for a supply tower she believes may still be stocked. The scouts need all the supplies and currency they can get in order to carry on with their goals. Against his better judgment, Levi joins her on this excursion. The bitter, early winter makes their mission harder than expected, however. The pair find themselves relying on each other to survive, and they find it increasingly difficult to treat one another as comrades in arms and nothing more.

• Hidden Meanings by WhatHistoryForgets

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Hange never thought a materialistic item could mean so much to her until she lost it.

• Of teacups and stale bread

[One-shot]

Summary:

Five times Hange prepared tea for Levi, and the one time that he did.

• Unintended Consequence(s) by Ella3982

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Not all of the Anti-Personnel Control Squad died when the cavern collapsed. Some of them escaped through the tunnel Hange, Moblit, and Armin used. When the two parties meet, the Anti-Personnel Control Squad takes the three Survey Corps members hostage with the intent to force the Survey Corp's hand. However, when they find out that Kenny Ackerman has died, they become more desperate.

If the Uprising Arc had ended a bit differently, how would it alter the course of the story? What would change, and what would stay the same?

• A Fire in the Shadows by free_pancakes

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

LeviHan in an Avatar the Last Airbender AU - a side story occurring alongside the events of ATLA

Levi, the nephew of a fire nation captain, stumbles upon a ragtag group of 5 known as the Scouts, formidably known for foiling the plans of local fire nation control, living in the forests a few miles north of Ba Sing Se.

• Speak Your Dark Pleasures to Me by Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)

Summary:

A collection of drabbles and oneshots exploring a sexual relationship between Levi and Hanji.

• Tips & Tricks by Sleepyheadven

[One-shot]

Summary:

Eren’s brow was furrowed forward in confusion as he spoke. “I thought you said that staring at people isn’t nice?” He said after a few moments, gathering his thoughts. He seemed genuinely bewildered as to why she was intensely staring down a stranger when she had told him countless times before that it was impolite to do so.

Oh, lord, was her only thought as she quickly scrambled for an excuse. “I - Uh - well, sometimes people stare at other people because -” before she could even begin to form a proper sentence, Eren interjected. She wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or dismayed by his actions.

“Is it because you think he’s cute? My friend Ymir stares at my friend Krista that way all the time, she says it’s because she’s so pretty!” Eren babbled happily, oblivious to the way Hange’s grip around the handle of the cart tightened. Her brown eyes darted back and forth between the stranger and her son, hoping that he couldn’t overhear their conversation seeing as Eren wasn’t the softest of speakers.

• A drunk man always tells the truth by krissixh

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Levi finds out that Hanji is engaged to a rich man. He gets drunk that night and confronts her his feelings. The two have to confront a lot of difficulties to be able to end as a couple.

• Relapses by Oreotragus

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Despite having become a great asset to humankind, Captain Levi still has some trouble adjusting to his post-crime lifestyle, especially the social aspects of it. One extremely badly coordinated step out of his comfort zone creates a grand mess that he has to clean up.

• Weight of Survival by otterbeans

[One-shot]

Summary:

Hanji gives birth to Levi's unintentional child. She pretends to be surprised when he shows up for it.

• Don't drink the kool-aid by smallblip

[One-shot]

Summary:

Think of a number between one and ten. Because that's how you love in this world. First you toss out the word love. You tell it to its face that Commander Erwin Smith says “love is the ultimate cult of men... A sect... A dirty ploy by the whatever god is up there to make us all vulnerable..."

And then, everything falls into place.

• until another thursday evening by pinkweirdsunsets

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

and ever since they were only five, Levi had protected her, whether it was from the daily shenanigans she came up with or the criminal background he came from. She was his sunshine, messy and grinning, and he shielded her away from all terrible things.

until zeke yeager came along.

• Make It Make Sense! By cznpai

[Multi-chapt || completed]

I can't add the summary cause I've reached the limit. Welp i still have a lot of fics here so ill make a another post of reccomendations... HAHA bye!

[f1-disaster-bi]

Soulmate au where instead of the markings being the same their fragments of one larger marking 👀 when you find your soulmate everything becomes clearer (you can see the bigger picture ba-dum-tsh)

Lance and Este having fitting markings but there’s clearly a part missing. Then one day, they start feeling more whole, seeing better, hearing better etc etc and they’re confused because they can’t think of new people they’ve met. Until they’re introduced to the cute quiet boy Mick who’s changed to their class. Mick doesn’t care about soulmates so he ignores the signs but they all start hanging out. Eventually mick realises his mark fits theirs and they get together

oooo baby thar's so cute 🥺

I love this idea

It would be so clear to Lance and Estban, and they just take what they can get because they adore Mick

And then there is Mick who doesn't care for soulmates. He wants to pick his own destiny and doesn't like that he's meant to magically love someone because of a mark on his wrist so he ignores all the signs until he can't deny it anymore

[smoll-tangerine]

a promise of infinity [teaser]

PAIRING. winwin x (female) reader GENRES. slice of life, romance, slight angst, fluff, lowkey strangers-to-lovers!au, soulmate!au

💌  part of the OF FIRST SNOWS AND SOULMATES collaboration with @ppangjae​, @sehunniepotwrites​​, and @jeongvision​

SYNOPSIS. denying your feelings has always been a talent of yours. it is a mindset that helped you stay clear of any unwanted trouble. ultimately, you’re the only one who knows what is best for yourself. but when you stumble upon a diary from your future self that goes against all sense of logic and your frame of mind, you have to wonder whether you should listen to those messages in order to secure your happily ever after, or ignore them to keep the status quo. but in the end, aren’t you the one who you should know yourself best?

PLAYLIST. i’m in love by baek yerin • violet by daniel caesar • dream launch by wayv • one step closer by intersection • if i could ride a bike by park bird & chevy • just friends by keshi • flower by johnny stimson • moonlight by ariana grande • fine by taeyeon • time and fallen leaves by akmu • roman holiday by halsey • love me the same by jessica

[a/n]: a small teaser because i am almost done with the story! i don’t have an exact date as to when will i post the whole fic, but this is for those who have been patiently waiting! thank you and enjoy this snippet xoxo

Summer was easily one of your favourite seasons.

You enjoyed the hot weather, the sunbathing, the laziness, the freedom, the stickiness of your sweat on your skin against your clothes, the occasional road trip to the city, the iced cappuccino from the coffee shop next door.

And most importantly, you enjoyed the time spent working at the old bookstore in your small town owned by your family during your summer vacation.

You met all kinds of people at the bookstore. 

People who travelled all around the world. People with stories to tell. People who decided to vacation in your small town. People who were your regular customers. People who eventually became your friends.

You adored returning to your small town after spending almost a whole year in the city for university.

Your friends had always invited you to travel or to stay over at their place, but you’d always refused. That feeling of always wanting to go back home, of returning to your family’s bookstore – it had always remained engraved in your heart, but you never understood why you’ve always felt such a pull, either.

Especially starting from this summer, more than ever.

For once, you actually considered accepting your friend’s offer to vacation at their summer townhouse. Your mum would always tell you to go out and enjoy your youth instead of spending it at your family’s dusty bookstore. But, you found yourself rejecting the offer. You didn’t understand the gut feeling that told you that there was nothing wrong with going back home for the summer holidays.

It almost felt as if destiny had nudged you just a little to make that decision.

The books that you and your mother had carefully picked from the catalogue provided by your supplier finally arrived. You thanked the delivery guy and grabbed the clipboard with your orders’ list to make sure everything you have received was correct.

You preferred manning the cash and helping people find the books they were looking for, over working in the back, counting stock. But this was the only time you preferred over working in the front because you get to have a firsthand pick on the newly arrived books.

There was just something about the smell of freshly printed books as you shelved them. To you, they always smelled like magic. As one of your favourite authors, Carlos Ruiz Zafon, said, there’s nothing that could beat the feeling of stepping into a bookstore and breathing in that perfume of paper and magic that strangely no one had ever thought of bottling.

As you finished counting the stock, you noticed there was still one left in one of the boxes. You frowned and returned to your list, wondering if you had missed one. But you didn’t. You weren’t one to make mistakes like that. You cautiously picked it up, a bit surprised to find there wasn't a title or the name of the author printed on the cover.

There was nothing special about the book – it was as plain as it can be. A bit tattered around the edges, but charming in its own way. You didn’t understand the pull that you felt towards the leather-bound book that urged you to open it.

To only find that it was empty.

It seemed like a diary and not like a mysterious book like you originally thought.

You were slightly disappointed.

You grabbed the book and headed out to the front. “Hey, Mum,” you said as you walked to her. “Did we order some stationery by accident or something?”

Your mum frowned and tilted her head. “No, I don’t recall ordering any stationary. Why?”

You raised the book and shook it slightly. “I found this diary in one of the boxes. Do you think the supplier made a mistake?”

“It isn’t really like them to make a mistake like that,” she replied with a concerned look and brought a hand to her chin. “And I don’t think they even sell stationary.”

“Huh,” you responded as you glanced at the diary and flipped through the pages. “Then, can I keep it?”

Your mum gave you a look. You smiled innocently as you patiently waited for her response. She sighed and waved you away. “Do whatever you want with it after calling the supplier and ask them about it. And you can keep it only if they confirm that they haven’t made a mistake. Understand?”

You almost rolled your eyes. “Yes, mummy.”

So, you quickly went back to the back and gave a call to your supplier. The latter was confused when you told him about it because indeed, as your mother pointed out, they didn’t provide any stationary. And since it was already in the box when they delivered it to you, they told you to keep it.

You weren’t one to keep a diary. You’ve always wanted one but you were either too lazy or too busy. You remembered starting a bullet journal to only give up after a week because it demanded too much of your time and energy. Bullet journals had to be pretty and decorated. Diaries did not. So, you immediately felt motivated to start a diary.

You wrote your name nicely in cursive at the designated page, right after the This belongs to, and smiled as you let the ink dry. You didn’t really have anything eventful to write. You told yourself that to make this easier for you, you would only start writing when something wonderful or terrible happened to you. So, the first page remained empty until further notice.

However, the next day, you realized that something was written on the first page. You didn’t carefully read what was written, just confused because you remembered not noting anything down.

“Hey, Mum, hey, Dad,” you greeted them as they were preparing to leave for the bookstore. “Did you guys write anything in my diary because you couldn’t find a notepad or something?”

Your dad looked at you weirdly. “Why would we do that?”

Right, why would they?

So, who did?

You shook your head at them. “Never mind them, have a safe trip. I’ll eat breakfast and then head down around lunch.”

“See you later then, sweetheart.”

You hummed as you flipped the diary back to the first page once again and began to read the first few lines as you ate your eggs.

June 20th

I’ve always felt that there was something magical about the change of seasons. And even more so when it’s the summer solstice because it means that my favourite season is finally starting for real. As one of the hottest days of the year, my friends blasted me with text messages saying I should have gone with them to their summer house and that I’d regret it. Truthfully, I really thought I was going to regret it.

Until he came to the bookstore.

Your lips tugged upwards at the words. Long forgotten was your initial confusion about the person who mysteriously wrote in your diary and curiosity replaced it instead. The author strangely reminded you of yourself. A bit naïve and romantic, but you always told yourself there was nothing wrong with being a dreamer.

You glanced at the date displayed on your phone. Coincidentally, it was June 20th as well. You went back to the diary entry. But your smile immediately fell as you read the next sentences.

Hey there, you bookworm, this isn’t a prank. This is a message written by yourself from the future. I’m hoping that you have received the diary and that you will read this message carefully. Please do not think for a second that this is some sick joke done by your friends. I know you best. I know myself best. You know yourself best.

You know you are the type to believe this. So, take a chance with this and continue reading on, okay?

On June 20th, you will meet your soulmate at your family’s bookstore. He goes by the name of Sicheng. Actually, you’ve already met him before but you two never got close.

You immediately shut the diary. You took a deep breath and exhaled sharply as you pondered at the possibility of this really happening to you. Yes, you were a dreamer, but you were a realist, as well.

Soulmate?

You couldn’t understand how this diary even got from the future to you. You decide not to think too much about it and wolfed down your breakfast before hastily heading to the bookstore, hoping that the store’s calm and serene atmosphere will bring you down to Earth.

You dared to reopen the diary as you took a seat on the bus that led you to downtown. You unconsciously rubbed the pages of the journal with your thumb, feeling the coarse paper on your skin and reminding you that this is in fact, reality.

You continued where you left off earlier. You told yourself there was no harm in reading the rest of the entry. After all, in the end, you were the one who can decide what to do with the newly found information.

Your eyes read over the name of your supposed soulmate.

Sicheng, you mouthed to yourself.

The person who wrote the entry wasn’t wrong though. You’ve already met Sicheng before, but you weren’t too close with him. You were in the same circle of friends, always cordial and polite to each other, but your friendship never blossomed into anything.

Truth to be told, many of your female friends or acquaintances either had a crush on him or went on a date with him, so you were never too comfortable sharing the fact that you had the tiniest crush on the boy.

(Who didn’t have a crush on him, anyway?)

You couldn’t remember much of your first impression of the guy. You remembered meeting him the first week of frosh. Your department didn’t have a frosh so one of your close friends, Dejun, invited you to his department’s and that was where you met Sicheng. 

He was a bit reserved but definitely opened up whenever someone approached him. You were slightly intimidated by his aura. Perhaps, that was the reason why you never got close to him.

You might think to yourself – how on Earth is Dong Sicheng your soulmate? The truth is, I know you’ve kept your distance from him because Sooyoung had a crush on him. But that distance is what led me – the you from the future – to become unhappy because she was too much of a coward to chase after someone who felt so out of reach.

I know you and the girls have always said to never ruin your friendship because of a relationship – because of a guy.

But, what if that guy was your soulmate?

I never realized just how in love I was with Sicheng until I was invited to his wedding. An event that utterly crushed me and left me pondering over the ‘what-ifs’ for an embarrassing, painful amount of time.

And I don’t want that for you.

So, I’m hoping this will reach you soon enough.

All the way back to the day the nature of your relationship with Sicheng changed.

When you meet him – whatever instincts that tell you to back off from him, ignore them. Whatever you’re going to think of doing, don’t and do the opposite instead.  Don’t be afraid and believe in yourself.

Don’t make the same mistakes as I did.

[witchersgoldenbard]

caaan i hear abt the soulmate au and the nonverbal dandy, naterino my darling??

Oooh of COURSE you can!!!

Soulmate au

- in which your eye colour changes, taking on that of your soulmate. One will remain yours; the other will match your soulmates eye colour

Ever since his first love at the ripe age of seven, Jaskier’s eyes haven’t stayed the same colour for more than a week. His left eye, once as blue as the summer sky, is always adapting to the person that holds his heart. And what a big heart it is. Granted, it is common knowledge that one of your left eye changes colours when you meet your soulmate – but it is nonetheless rare to have them change this early on. One could indeed say it is wholly unheard of, but then there are too many stories on the Continent, old stories from way before the humans came, so that would just be another assumption made in human hubris.

For the sake of this story, let’s make that assumption. And imagine the shock, the curiosity and the apprehension in the House of Lettenhove, when young Julian Pankratz’s eyes changed from his steely blue to a deep, dark brown the very second he met that stable boy – and then back to their original blue three days later.

His parents, halfway to preparing a scandalous betrothal between their noble son and a lowly stable boy with only a mother and a sick sister to call family, had been relieved when one day their son woke up with both his eyes back to normal. The stable boy, however, not yet nine years of age and his eyes unchanged, had been none the wiser. Nor had young Julian, noble prodigy de Lettenhove.

The new eye colour on one side was only interesting for as long as it took him to see the sun shining through his large bedroom window.

A child’s mind is rarely occupied with the worrisome side effects of love and Destiny.

Despite their relief upon seeing their son with matching eyes once more, the viscount and his wife were on the edge, not quite willing to wave it off as a trick of light. Instead, they were convinced they had somehow challenged Destiny, conceiving a child without love, and that young Julian Alfred was cursed. Or shunned by life itself, bound to be a reminder for all society, all nobility that Lettenhove was a loveless place.

— this is for @goldbvtton because I love her a lot

Nonverbal Dandi

- that one was supposed to be for @whataboutthebard. Prompt: dancing. In which Dandelion and Geralt, somfte husbands, find themselves at a solstice festival, a very small and cozy festivity. Dandelion, mighty poet that he is, finds himself without words, though, and Geralt catches on very quickly. He asks his love to dance, doesn’t speak to him because that would be unfair. Dandelion is aloof and stubborn, would attempt to counter Geralt’s words of comfort , would challenge his every compliment and would deny himself the peace of mind he so desperately needs. So, Geralt remains silent, simply tugs his husband to a meadow framed by faerie lights and dances with him, swaying in the dim atmosphere and holding him close.

Dandi has never in his life been more in love with the Witcher than he is in that moment, pressing closer and burying his face in the Witcher’s neck. Hiding from the world and from his own weakness of lacking the words. But Geralt doesn’t judge. He simply holds him there and presses kiss after kiss to his face, his lips, his cheek, his temple. “I love you,” the Witcher says, and Dandelion doesn’t have to respond. He doesn’t have to say all those words that keep evading him. All he had to do is listen, and that’s enough while Geralt leads him over the meadow.

[erbezdiez]

On your Seiya and Usagi post, you had a tag about an AU and YES I WANT TO HEAR please(:

YESSS *RUBS MY GAY LITTLE HANDS*

Click the read more because this post turned out longer than I expected but SEIUSA AU HERE WE GO

Okay, so this is basically just “The Sailor Starlights come to earth at the beginning of the series instead of in S4″ AU. In that specific scene/whatever, Fighter hears Sailor Moon screaming during her first fight and goes there to save her on pure instinct, not because she’s looking for the Silver Crystal or anything.

Honesty in my head I wouldn’t necessarily get rid of Mamoru or anything and the whole thing would kind of follow the same basic beats as the canon Sailor Moon story.

After the first fight, Fighter would get curious about Sailor Moon, and with time she’d end up aiding her too from time to time in her battles. Maybe she can even meet Tuxedo like that, when they both go to save SM at the first time or something safsadgs. Usagi would develop her crush on Tuxedo Mask while at the same time being curious about Fighter as well. Also during all this time Fighter is flirting with Sailor Moon because she’s a big lesbian and I love her, which would leave her feeling ~~confused~~.

Meanwhile, the Three Lights could serve as the standard “popular idol” like Minako does in PSSM, though I do like the idea of their popularity growing through the series exponentially.

Sometime after the senshi go meet Queen Serenity, Fighter would be aiding Sailor Moon and the others in a fight, but then get hurt herself. Then Maker and Healer can make their appearances, introducing the full group. They wouldn’t appear much more, but they would make it very clear that they’re not after the Silver Crystal so the senshi can have the whole “they’re not our allies, but they’re not our enemies either?” thing.

After the finale of S1, I like the idea of the Starlights noticing the senshi have forgotten about their identities and Figher being sad, but deciding that it’s better this way.

They could have a bigger part during the Makai Tree arc because that arc is great and I don’t care if it’s filler, where maybe they can sense something similar to Kakyuu’s light in the Makai Tree or something. Seiya and Usagi could meet while Mamoru is away as their civilian selves, and of course, Seiya falls for Usagi right away without knowing she’s Sailor Moon. Usagi however rejects him, because she’s still hoping Mamoru will return to her. When he does get his memories back and all that, Seiya stays friends with Usagi without telling her about his feelings.

And then during the Black Moon arc. Seiya could become a sort of emotional support for Usagi; she’s not sure why she likes talking to him so much, but it’s like he gets him in a way no one else does, not even her best friends. They grow especially close then Mamoru and Chibiusa go through the whole Black Lady thing. By this point, the Starlights are still focused on searching Kakyuu and only get involved in the other’s fight when they happen to be there or it’s something very serious, but they’ve become a sort of “sometime-allies we can rely on when something goes wrong”.

But then, of course, the Death Buster arc happens, and Uranus and Neptune are immediately wary of the Starlights since they’re from outside the solar system. They could go from suspecting them of working with the Death Busters, to attacking them on-sight. At the same time, Haruka meets Seiya while he’s hanging out with Usagi, and distrusts him right away. Partly because she feels “he’s just dangerous” and partly because let’s be honest she’s a bit mad that Seiya gets better reactions from Usagi than she does. Through this whole arc, Mamoru and Usagi begin to drift apart as she starts relying more on Seiya than on him, but she always denies the possibility of having romantic feelings for him, especially because she knows that Chibiusa existing at all depends on her staying with Mamoru. This however does nothing but strain their relationship even further.

Before the end of the arc, the Starlights would explain to all the senshi that they’re looking for Kakyuu, so Uranus and Neptune can stop trying to kill them for one second.

The Dead Moon arc is all about ChibiUsa and Usagi, and by this point, it’s undeniable that Usagi likes him too. Chibiusa could actually talk to Helios about this in her dreams, and how she’s actually scared Usagi will choose Seiya over Mamoru and either create a paradox or straight up kill her.

I would use Nehelenia’s motivation in this point as a way of separating the current Usagi (and by extension, Mamoru and everyone else) to their Silver Millenium selves. In Death Busters Uranus and Neptune are affected by their destiny in a positive way (they’re soulmates who can finally reunite, much like Serenity and Endymion) but in a negative way, when they think there’s no way to stop Saturn from destroying the planet. Now, when Usagi senses how much Nehelenia hated Serenity and her mother, she would feel sorry for her. Usagi had nothing to do with Nehelenia’s punishment and feels like Queen Serenity did a bad thing she can’t excuse. By creating this crack in the perfect image of the Silver Millenium, Usagi would begin to question if just because Serenity loved Endymion that means she should love Mamoru unconditionally.

And then of course, the Stars arc!! By this point, Usagi and Seiya are very close and both have feelings for the other, the Sol senshi trust the Starlights in varying degrees, and Usagi isn’t sure if she truly loves Mamoru and wants to fulfil her destiny. By the time Mamoru goes to America, he tells her they should “take a break” while they’re away so they can sort their feelings out.

I would also have Mamoru actually get to America instead of being kidnapped by Galaxia. Enjoy your education, boy!

Usagi tells Seiya rather quickly about this development, and they get even closer than before. Chibiusa hasn’t returned to the future yet, either because she senses it’s unstable or because she’s too worried about Mamoru and Usagi to leave them. She can tell Usagi that she knows how she feels about Seiya and that she’s broken up with Mamoru, and that she’s afraid of what that means for herself. For a while, Usagi starts avoiding Seiya because every time she thinks of him, she imagines Chibiusa disappearing and she can’t bear to choose between the two of them.

Then one day, Seiya gets targeted by one of Sailor Galaxia’s lackeys, and Usagi has no choice but to transform in front of him, revealing her secret identity. Seiya is surprised, but before he can say anything, Usagi runs away.

Seiya isn’t sure what to do, and she can’t even tell Taiki and Yaten about it because it would betray Usagi’s trust. One day, Seiya finds Usagi crying under the rain (or maybe the moonlight?) as she feels the weight of the whole world is in her shoulders. Seiya reaches out to Usagi, but she pushes him away when she thinks about hurting ChibiUsa. Seiya takes her hand anyways and holds it to his chest, telling her to look after her own happiness instead of the happiness of others for the first time. Usagi cries, and Seiya wipes her tears off. She then says “you were crying that time too at the jewel shop”, and Usagi isn’t sure what he means. Seiya transforms in front of her, showing her her true self.

This only makes Usagi confused for a second before she realizes that of course, it makes so much sense now. In a moment where she allows herself to think of her own happiness, she kisses Seiya.

She then rushes back home, suddenly afraid that she’s made Chibiusa disappear, but to her surprise she’s still there, alive and well. Chibiusa is suspicious of Usagi’s actions, but she leaves her be.

Shortly after this, before Seiya and Usagi have the chance to properly explore their relationship, the rest of the inner senshi have to transform in front of the Starlights (and vice-versa). By this point their relationship is much less tense than in the canon (both groups think of the other as allies, and now they’re united under the same enemy), and while Haruka still doesn’t like Seiya too much, she accepts her when Usagi defends her.

Eventually, the final battle comes, and in this version, I’d actually like Galaxia to be the villain not because Chaos corrupted her and she doesn’t have a Starseed, but because she became bitter and angry by the mere act of having to fight Chaos over and over again.

Turns out Sailor Galaxia isn’t just the most powerful Sailor Senshi of the universe; she’s the most powerful Sailor Senshi of all universes. Each time Chaos is born, she travels to that universe to destroy it. She’s been doing it since the dawn of time and is now so tired of her destiny that she just joins Chaos willingly.

So during the final battle (which honestly I’d leave almost the same because that battle is amazing), Usagi makes Galaxia see that she doesn’t need to keep on fighting just because someone decided it was her destiny. The existence of the Silver Crystal, the Golden Cyrstal and Kakyuu prove that Chaos can be fought against by other people, and that she’s already done more than enough. By realizing this, Galaxia lets go of Chaos, and by joining forces with Sailor Moon (and maybe with all senshi there present, even if it’s in spirit form), they manage to destroy Chaos.

I didn’t mention her anywhere else but ChibiChibi is here! And in this version, she actually is Sailor Cosmos, who’s awakened after Chaos disappears. She tells Usagi and Galaxia that Cosmos and Chaos will always be in battle, but that as long as people don’t let it consume her, peace will reign through all universes.

So the peace is restored, and the Starlights have to go back to Kakyuu. All senshi share a farewell in the school building, where Seiya struggles to let of Usagi and she has to try her best not to beg her to stay. Mamoru (who was captured during the final battle but is OK now) notices how Usagi hasn’t looked at him the way she looks at Seiya in years, and catches up very quickly. Seiya says that going back to restore her planet with Kakyuu is her duty, to which Usagi can’t say anything, because she feels she too has a duty to fulfil on earth.

But as they’re flying off into space, Yaten Taiki and Kakyuu tell Seiya that she’s already done more than enough. Seiya looks at them for a moment, when Usagi breaks down and cries, begging her to stay. Seiya leaves the space teleportation whatever the Starlights were using and jumps towards Usagi, who only barely manages to catch her. Everyone laughs and they kiss.

Later, they discuss whether or not this changes their destiny, since Chibiusa has never seen Seiya in the future. Setsuna could then explain that they may as well have created a new universe where nothing is set in stone, and that their future is now in their hands.

----

...And that’s that!! SORRY THAT WAS SO LONG asfshkgjhdfgksd. I know this fandom is very small so if anyone wants to idk expand on this idea or change anything or use it for something please go ahead!!! More seiusa content is always welcome. I hope you enjoyed this really long read!

[cheershalo]

By request, here are some of my favorite angsty fics in order longest to shortest. Some of these are angstier than others but I wanted to give a good range!

*note: make sure to read the tags because some of these deal with heavier topics! take care of yourself!

*also: most of these are b!L because that’s what i like to read! smut or no-smut is marked as well as the basic tags!

Remember to leave kudos and comment on all these lovely fics if you decide to read!!

💔 pray for some sweet simplicity by @eeveelou​ | E | 237k | abo | b!L - (motorcycles, racer louis, journalist harry, slow burn, a classic)

An AU where motorcycle racing is the biggest sport in a heavily divided world, Louis is trying to take control of his own destiny, and Harry is in for more than he bargained for.

💔 Collision by @tequiladimples​ | E | 225k | b!L - (mythology/fantasy, fairy louis, dark harry, enemies to lovers, slow burn, love love love)

Mythology/Fairytale!AU in which Louis is a dainty fairy with a temper who wants to be intimidating and Harry hurts people. Naturally, they hate each other.

💔 And I Wait for Paradise by You_Just_Mightx3 | NR | 209k | abo | b!L - (addiction, ptsd, pining, best friends to lovers, eventual mpreg, so heartbreaking and heart-wrenchingly beautiful)

The one where it’s not the Harry who touched Louis’ heart that comes home, but an addict thought to be hopeless. A paradise above addiction when Louis wins so does Harry.

💔 Don’t Let It (Me) Break by @falsegoodnight​ | E | 169k | b!L - (exes to lovers, slow burn, grief, panic attacks, healing/therapy, sad louis, def read tags, a fav of all time)

The one where Harry is oblivious, Louis is broken, Zayn and Liam are in love, Gemma and Lottie are lovely, and Niall is just waiting for everyone to get their shit together.

Oh, and it's all Malcolm's fault.

💔 Saving Symphony Hall by @helloamhere​ | E | 125k | abo | b!L - (touch depri, businessman louis, hurt/comfort, a fav)

“I think I have an idea,” Louis said. Slowly, and reluctantly, but with a growing sense of the inevitable. “God damnit, I think I have a really good idea.”

“Oh christ, that's the problem-solving face,” Babs said. “Last time we saw that face, he sold a company.”

“Wait, what?” Zayn asked.

“Right place, right time,” Louis said. “Also, fuck my life,”

“What?” Zayn repeated. Niall patted his hand.

“I usually just roll with whatever Louis is about to do,” he said. “It’s better for us all.”

“That’s the attitude,” said Louis, “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Tonight, I need to do some research. Zayn, give me your number. I’m gonna save our symphony.”

💔 The Dead of July by whimsicule | M | 117k | b!L - (avengers au, captain america harry, louis as bucky, ptsd, so fucking good)

Harry is Captain America, and Louis’ been dead for 70 years.

💔 Untangle Me by suicxne | E | 103k | np smut - (canon compliant, friends to lovers, first kiss, cute <3)

The one where Harry and Louis finally get it right.

💔 nothing worsens, nothing grows by @soldouthaz​ | E | 103k | b!L - (roadtrip au, college au, enemies to lovers, friends with benefits, ot5, a fav of all time)

Another roadtrip AU featuring Harry as the misunderstood hipster, Louis as the bitter psych major, Liam as the one with the secret boyfriend, and Niall as the one who just wants everyone to be happy.

💔 Here in the Afterglow by @harrybridgers​ | NR | 89k | b!L - (high school au, historical, 70s au, small town, slow burn, strangers to friends to lovers, soft soft soft)

1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

💔 And down the long and silent street by whimsicule | M | 86k | b!L - (historical au, regency au, poverty, wealth difference, hurt/comfort, a masterpiece <3)

Wherein Louis and Harry are on the opposite ends of the social ladder, but their paths still cross on the filthy streets Louis calls his home. The odds are staked against them from the beginning, and even more when Louis' past finally catches up with him.

💔 Consequences by @allwaswell16​ | E | 79k | b!L - (amnesia au, exes to lovers, hurt/comfort, secrets, amazing amazing)

Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

💔 We’ll Cast Some Light (You’ll Be Alright) by @harrybridgers​ | NR | 74k | b!L - (enemies to lovers, sort of exes to lovers, demons, demon hunters, INCREDIBLE)

There’s a standard procedure for this. Scan, track, kill. But with a solar eclipse and a Greater Demon with unfinished business looming, the path to keeping England safe from harm becomes complicated and shadowed by mystery and secrets. For Harry and his team, times have never been harder, especially when a few old friends turned foes show up. Harry is left with just over forty days to overcome the hurdle of tension between them and reconcile their past, and figure out just what Louis is hiding from him before it’s too late.

💔 Latibule by @quelquesetoiles​ | E | 54k | b!L - (spirited away au - ish, mythology, fantasy, god harry, human louis, sad louis, jealousy, amazing)

A Spirited Away AU of sorts where Louis just wants to heal and be left alone, only for all his plans to be destroyed by the hands of an infuriating British God.

💔 7 Up by @cherrystreet​ | E | 52k | b!L - (friends to lovers, growing up together, will make you cry like a baby, a classic)

Very loosely based on the British TV show "The Up Series" and somewhat inspired by the song “Something I Need” by Onerepublic, we follow the lives of Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson in an interview setting every seven years. They fall apart and come together, their lives and emotions recorded. Harry calls it a time capsule. Louis calls it a pain in the arse.

💔 Strangers in Love by @darlou | E | 42k | b!L - (amnesia au, car accidents, light d/s, growing up together, enemies to lovers, a fav)

Louis wakes up to find himself in a marriage with the last man he thought he'd ever end up with.

💔 Ever Fixed by @eeveelou​ | E | 42k | b!L - (strangers to lovers, divorce, depression, child death, the plot twist GOT ME SO GOOD - i read this yesterday with ris and h o l y s h i t)

Three years ago, Harry was happily married, successfully heading the largest technology company in the world, and raising his young daughter. After he loses nearly everything in the aftermath of his daughter’s lost battle with a rare brain tumor, it may take three strange and yet very familiar visitors – and a man from the therapy group Harry keeps refusing to go to – to get him back on track.

💔 before we knew by @falsegoodnight​ | E | 40k | b!L - (soulmate au, lawyer harry, editor louis, stubborn harry, pining louis, literally one of the best fics ever written) 

Louis has been skeptical of soulmates for years so it seems like fate when he finally bumps into the owner of the obnoxiously large signature printed into his skin since age sixteen: Harry Styles, a human rights attorney who is firmly against soulmates.

💔 where the lights are beautiful by twoshipsdrifting | M | 31k | abo | b!L - (THE accidental bonding fic, mentions of mpreg, have reread many times and it still hurts so good)

Harry wasn’t wrong about that, not in a general sense. Lots of omegas did seek out rich alphas and betas, hoping or planning to go into heat at the right time. Plenty of omegas saw this as their duty, especially if their families weren’t well off. Worse, Louis couldn’t honestly say he’d never thought about it.

If that had been his life, his goal, Louis would feel pretty good about himself now.

As it is…Louis feels like shit.

💔 autumn leaves by @suspendrs​ | NR | 28k | b!L - (war au, soldier harry, waiter louis, french louis, friends to lovers, so so good)

Harry is an American soldier in France during World War II, and Louis is a French waiter that doesn't mean to fall in love with him.

💔 Cherry by littlebluetui | M | 25k | b!L - (exes to lovers, famous harry, non-famous louis, comfort sex, light d/s, really good & really underrated!)

Harry and Louis were soulmates, no one doubted that.

Sometimes one soulmates leaves the other to go on a world tour though.

Sometimes not having them at all is better than only a little.

💔 like a bastard on the burning sea by vashtaneradas | NR | 22k | implied b!L - (cheating/infidelity - i don’t read cheating fics as a principle but this one just... hurts so good, haven’t reread and i don’t think i ever will but i think about it often)

Harry breaks Louis, Louis breaks everything.

💔 all this delusion in our heads by buttfucklarry | E | 15k | b!L - (exes to lovers, sad louis, sad harry, mentions of mpreg, another underrated beaut <3) 

After Harry and Louis break up, they cope with it in very different ways. What will happen when Harry keeps calling his ex over when things go wrong in his life, but Louis just can't take it anymore?

💔 a grocery list pinned in blue by dangerbears | NR | 20k | b!L - (exes to lovers, divorce, a masterpiece truly)

After eight years, Louis finally has everything he's wanted. Except for Harry.

💔 Cupid’s Chokehold by bluelemur | E | 35k | b!L - (soulmate au, cupid louis, human harry, virgin louis, feel good but also a bit angsty) 

Louis is a Cupid who tries to match up Niall and Harry. It doesn't work out as planned.

💔 Love is like this; not a heartbeat, but a moan by @loveletterharry​​ | E | 13k | abo | b!L - (enemies to lovers, ex-childhood best friends, pining harry, beach house, lovely)

In which Harry loves Louis, but Louis has been cold to him ever since he presented as an omega at age fifteen.

Eight years later, Louis approaches Harry with a request, and who is Harry to deny him?

Remember again to leave kudos and comment on all these lovely masterpieces! And feel free to let me know if I made any errors!

Request another category here. 

[reneejuliet]

Badbye

Author: reneejuliet

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader (sort of)

Rating: M (cursing, brief smut)

Word Count: 2,115

Genre: Angst, Soulmate AU, Idol AU (lolololololol)

Author’s Note: This is posting late - I’m sorry! But here is a snippet for Namjoon. It is HEAVY on the angst - PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS. This was an idea I had for a soulmate AU with Namjoon, and this is a taste of the darkest part of it. I may one day expand this, but it’s hard to delve into the theme that powers this idea so I can’t say for sure. Regardless, I do hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: DARK THEMES - depression, suicidal ideation/intention (not expressly stated but heavily implied), self-loathing, smut in form of brief sexual intercourse (MxF), unhealthy coping mechanisms, cursing, rejection, unrequited love, so many italics (I’m so sorry). Please read at your discretion.

The apartment was dark, illuminated only by the sliver of moonlight that peeked through the clouds just outside your window. Behind you, the glow of the opened refrigerator bathed you in fluorescence. Its faint chill crept up over your bare legs, shivering down your spine. At least, you told yourself it was from the cold.

It couldn’t have anything to do with what you were about to do. It couldn’t, because you didn’t have the capacity to feel remorse. You didn’t have the capacity to feel much of anything anymore. Not after…

No.

Your eyes shut against the unbidden memory that rose up like bile in your throat. The woman splayed out beneath him, whose eyes you saw through. Her pretty face scrunched up in pleasure, naked breasts bouncing from the force with which he thrust into her. The moans that tore from her throat and how they harmonized with the low, guttural grunts he contributed. The slapping of flesh on flesh, squelching of fluids, his name whined out into the darkness –

Namjoon.

You turned toward your sink just in time to vomit into its basin, your pathetic excuse for dinner regurgitated into an acidic mess. Hot tears burned in your eyes as you coughed, spluttered, and spat until there was nothing left. Until your stomach was a twisting mess, and you were spent of the energy to keep back the sob that wracked through you.

The only thing that kept you grounded was the burn against the curve of your thumb. Through your tears, your eyes focused in on that godforsaken name. It had been nothing but a curse on you since the day it appeared on your skin.

Kim Namjoon.

There was a time that the name had felt like a blessing, however short-lived it had been. When it first incinerated into your flesh, leaving behind the ashen shape of his name, the tears in your eyes had been joyous. Your fingers had stroked over the curves of every letter, fondness for this stranger you were destined to spend the rest of your life with blooming out of your chest into every crevice of your body. You felt warm, whole.

Until the phantom pain of your own name appearing on his wrist burned into you, solidifying your connection. And instead of happiness, or surprise, the cold, heavy sense of dread had sunk onto your shoulders. Disappointment wrapped around your heart, chasing away any previous euphoria. So strong was his feeling of misfortune that you didn’t just sense it – no, you felt it as your own. Soon, your tears rained for an entirely different reason.

Your soulmate didn’t want you.

It wasn’t unheard of. Many people who didn’t believe in destiny, in fate, disavowed their soulmate. It was an aspect of life they didn’t get a say in, after all. Of course they would rebuke the very idea. You just hadn’t thought it would happen to you. You, who had only heard love stories of soulmates. Your own mother spoke of your father to this day with nothing but love and adoration, even if he had left her to a life of solitude with his untimely death. Sometimes, you’d catch her stroking the crook of her elbow where his name had once been, and even though her eyes were overwhelmingly sad, still. There was always, always love beneath.

Growing up, you would not come to know that sensation for yourself. Kim Namjoon was not a bad man – quite contrary, he was very capable of kindness, of affection, of love. Just not for you. The few times he would touch your name on his skin, you would shiver under the sensation of disgust he held for it. For you. Every time you tried to reason that he didn’t even know you – that maybe, once he met you and actually got to know you, things would change – your heart would seize in a cold vice until it left you sobbing. Because you knew, with the certainty that only a soulmate connection could give you, that Namjoon would never change his stance. Not on this.

Not on you.

So you’d grown cold, distant. You didn’t acknowledge the occasional plucking on your bond that was triggered by intense emotions felt by your soulmate. If he didn’t want you, then you saw no point in putting any effort in yourself. It hollowed you out, but you figured that was for the best. The less you felt, the less it would hurt when he ultimately rejected you.

That day would come over a decade later, on perhaps the least suspecting of days. You had taken your niece to this concert she had been dying to go to, but your sister and her husband had been unable to accommodate. Ever the loving aunt, you had offered to take her in their stead. She’d been so excited, hugging her worn plushie to her chest while you stood in line for the fan meet, bouncing on her heels. She had been spouting nonsense to you about the members of this group, none of which you really cared to know. You didn’t stay up to date on current music trends. But you couldn’t deny the glowing in your niece’s eyes, nor the fondness it trickled out of your heart. It was one of the only things you had come to let yourself feel, after all.

And it would be your undoing.

Because taking your niece to the fan meet meant you also had to participate. You took your place before each member, grasping their hand and offering up vague niceties until it was time to move on to the next. Until you reached him. The second your fingers brushed his wrist and his, the curve of your thumb, a sense akin to lightning shook through your entire being. Your eyes shot up to meet the dark expanse that was Kim Namjoon, lit up in his own surprise.

“You.”

It hadn’t sounded particularly rude or disenchanted, but all you could feel was that chilling sense of dread that had suffocated you in your tears all those years ago. His touch sparked memories of every time he had felt your name and with it, each synonym for annoyed and burdened that you kindled within him. It cut you to your core, because he was so devastatingly handsome. In any other circumstance, you would have felt so incredibly lucky.

Instead, you felt like you were going to be sick.

You had rushed out of that room, throwing yourself through the doors and into the hall. A few straggling fans had turned at the sudden intrusion, but they did not linger upon seeing your distraught condition. Your hand was tangled so tightly in your sweater that your knuckles blanched and you gasped for air like you were dying. Deep down, it almost felt like you were. This was supposed to be the happiest moment of your life, meeting your soulmate, and instead you were collapsing under the sheer panic of it.

The doors had flung open behind you just moments later. Through them came the frazzled figure of Kim Namjoon himself, clutching the shoulder of your very confused niece. They walked closer, your niece looking between you and Namjoon before she sidled up under your arm. Namjoon, meanwhile, stared at you with wide eyes.

Forcing your gaze to remain on your niece, you slipped her small hand into yours and urged her quickly down the hall. She obliged, but hesitantly. Then you heard the footsteps following.

“Wait! Please!”

Your body betrayed you, shocked completely still at the sound of his voice. It was deep, and smooth. It was the honey in your tea, the caffeine in your veins. Goosebumps prickled your skin and you rubbed at your arms to dissipate them. This wasn’t fair, that he had his effect on you. He didn’t want you, he didn’t –

“Y/N!”

The sound of your name in his voice all but stopped your heart and you slapped a hand over your mouth to cover your sob. Tears sprung in your eyes and you squeezed them shut, turning your head away. Every nerve in your body trembled in the silence of that hall as he neared you, blood thrumming in your veins at the proximity.

This wasn’t fair.

Namjoon stood before you, just a couple steps away. He couldn’t help the way his chest heaved when he followed you, as if you had taken the very air from his lungs. He couldn’t even find it in himself to care about the scene he had left in his wake by his impulsive departure. All that had mattered was getting to you.

He hated it.

So he had used the ruse of returning the little girl you had left in your own hasty retreat, guiding her alongside him as they ducked through security and out the exit doors. And there you were, looking a complete mess. Because of him.

He had meant to speak, to say something to you, but you never gave him the chance. “Don’t,” you almost shouted the moment he had opened his mouth. “You don’t need to explain. I get it, okay?”

“Wait. Get what? I don’t –“

Your grip tightened on your niece and she had whined in protest, but she was the only thing keeping you from bolting. “You don’t want me,” you blurted. “You don’t want a soulmate. I know, okay?”

He had stood so still, he could have been a statue. He wouldn’t be completely out of place in a museum, you noted. You hated that you noted.

“I… I don’t – I mean, I never said –“

“You didn’t have to say it,” you cut off, far from caring if you came across rude. “I could feel it.”

Namjoon’s neck and cheeks had flushed, and he had brought a hand up to muss his hair. His eyes cast downward with a glint of shame, because Kim Namjoon was not a bad man. You hated him for it.

“Ahah,” he cleared his throat, cheeks burning red now. “I… I didn’t mean…”

“I know what you meant.” Your voice was devoid of emotion. Of anything, really. It didn’t sit well with Namjoon and he shifted uncomfortably. But that was hardly your concern.

“Listen, can we just –“

“But hey, it’s okay, you know?” You didn’t give him a chance to talk – didn’t give him a chance to confirm everything you had felt over the past so many years. To hear it aloud would quite possibly break you. “We’re even.”

Namjoon looked at you, confused. The empty stare he found waiting for him sent shivers down his spine.

“Even?”

You nodded imperceptibly, gathering your niece in your arms and steering her toward the end of the hall. “Yeah. You don’t want a soulmate, and I don’t want a soulmate who doesn’t want me. Even.”

You left that hallway without giving Namjoon a chance to say anything more. Once the concert began, your niece seemed to forget whatever troubles had happened and you tried your best to enjoy her happiness. Thankfully, your seats were far enough away that you didn’t have to worry about any awkward eye contact with Namjoon, and you purposely did not look at the stage any more than you had to. When you left the venue that night, you fully intended to have nothing more to do with your reluctant soulmate.

But because the world clearly has it out for you, things didn’t exactly go as planned. The soulmate bond is hard to ignore, especially once contact has been made. You began running into Namjoon at more and more impossible situations, until he finally trapped you into a conversation. And, exhausted from fighting fate, you conceded.

Namjoon didn’t want to hurt you. It was painfully obvious just how sweet he actually was. He just didn’t believe in fate, and that left no room for a soulmate. But there was nothing saying you couldn’t be friends, right?

Nothing, except the gaping hole he left in your heart every time he came and went. Nothing, except the overwhelmingly sickening urge you had to respond to every text he sent. Nothing, except the little pieces of you he took each time he left until there was hardly anything left.

It was just so easy to love him, despite how you tried not to. Despite how he didn’t love you back.

The water rinsed the last of your vomit down the drain and you wiped away the sheen of tears clinging to your lashes. The apartment fell silent again. You moved back over to the island, sniffling away the last traces of sadness. After this, you wouldn’t need it anymore.

I’m so sorry it’s so depressing! 

→ Taglist is open! Send an ask if you’d like to be added to my general taglist, or if you’d like tagged for a specific fic series or member!

@jin-fizz​ @fangirls94​

©reneejuliet 2021. No part of this material may be copied, photocopied, reproduced, reposted, or translated without consent.

[iam93percentstardust]

buckytony for the ask game?

1. Coffee shop AU: Who is the barista, and who frequents the coffee shop?

Tony frequents the coffee shop. Bucky has been working at Bean True to Yourself (the owners are hipsters) for the last three years, trying to put himself and Steve through college because while they both got scholarships, it wasn’t enough and Steve’s health doesn’t let him hold a study job. Bucky has gotten pretty good at latte art actually. Only Natasha knows that it’s because he’s got a crush on the cute brunet with the messy hair and Bambi eyes that comes in sleep-deprived every single morning and probably doesn’t even notice the hearts Bucky puts in his lattes.

Tony definitely notices and it’s only because he’s spent so much time in the spotlight that he doesn’t blush every single time he sees the new art. Besides, he remembers when he first started coming here and the latte art was terrible. Bucky’s probably just testing out his artistic skills on Tony cause he knows he won’t judge him. There’s no feelings involved, right?

2. Highschool/College AU: Who is the straight-A student, and who’s the backrow slacker?

Tony has come to the conclusion that the only way to get Howard’s attention is if he puts absolutely no effort into anything at all, which is why he’s currently taking graduate-level courses as Edward Carbonell but Tony Stark is failing out of high school. Any attention is better than no attention, right?

And maybe it helps that his teachers come to him after class and suggest that he find himself a tutor and did you know that Bucky, Mr. Gorgeous himself, works in our tutoring program? I’m sure he’d love to help you, Mr. Stark. Okay, so maybe they don’t call Bucky gorgeous, maybe that’s just Tony’s own mind, but it’s not like he’s wrong. But Tony gave up on school a long time ago and Bucky has a motorcycle and wears leather jackets and is super popular all while having straight-A’s. There’s no way he even knows Tony’s name, let alone would ever like him.

3. Rivals to lovers AU: Who takes their rivalry seriously, and who is half in it just to push the other’s buttons?

Bucky isn’t entirely certain how he ended up as a supervillain’s sidekick and he definitely isn’t sure that he really wants to be there but he won’t deny to himself that the best part of the job is facing off against Iron Lad while Captain America and the Black Widow are fighting each other for control of the Deathstick of Destiny or whatever it is this week.

Iron Lad’s just so cute with his sense of justice and his wit and the conviction that he and Bucky are destined to be nemeses for life. And one time, a building fell on top of them and Bucky got to peel him out of his compromised suit and that was the best thing ever because he got to see Iron Lad’s flight suit, which accentuates the most perfect ass ever. Seriously, Bucky just wants to reach down and squeeze but he’s pretty sure that then Iron Lad might actually use the unibeam that he’s been threatening to use for ages.

4. Enemies to lovers AU: Which one switches sides?

Oof, Bucky does. He comes back from HYDRA to find a world that’s absolutely a bigger mess than he remembers it being and maybe that’s those rose-tinted glasses Sam keeps accusing him and Steve of wearing but he looks at Iron Man, taking out the ultra-wealthy and distributing the money back to the people, and then he looks at the Avengers and how they keep causing more property damage than they can fix and decides that he knows what side he wants to be on.

He slips out of the compound in the dead of night, unnoticed by all except Natasha who just wishes him luck, and tracks Iron Man across two continents and an ocean back to his secret hideout - in Latveria of all places, who knew that Doom could share? - knocks on the door and when a man with the prettiest brown eyes Bucky has ever seen answers the door, Bucky announces, “Hi, I’m here to be a villain.”

In retrospect, he decides as he’s dragging a fainted Tony inside, that might not have been the best way to introduce himself to his future employer.

5. Soulmate AU: Who is eager to meet their soulmate? Who absolutely does not want to meet their soulmate?

The thing is, Tony knows that soulmates aren’t always perfect. His parents were soulmates and they absolutely hated each other. But Ana and Jarvis were soulmates too, and so is Aunt Peggy and Uncle Daniel, and they loved each other very much, so even though he’s been alive for almost 40 years and never once met his soulmate, he still has high hopes.

Bucky fell from the train without knowing his soulmate and the only thing he can thinks is Good. They won’t wind up with someone like Bucky, someone who has nightmares from his time as a lab experiment, who kills people without even blinking, whose main purpose in life is to be the shadow that dogs Steve Rogers’ heels. But then he wakes up.

And then he forgets he ever even had a soulmate.

The next time Bucky remembers anything, it’s 2014, he’s in a glass room (cage, really), and there’s someone standing with their back to him outside of the cage, doing something on a tablet.

“What’s it gonna take to let me out of here?” Bucky asks.

The person jumps, turns, and then a slow smile spreads over his face. “I don’t know, how about dinner?”

Fuck.

6. Single parent AU: Which one is the single parent? (Alt. if they’re both single parents: Which one is open to starting a new relationship from the start? Which one is never planning on finding love again… Until they meet the other and are instantly smitten?)

Harley’s got a protective streak a mile wide (Bucky thinks he’s learned it from Uncle Steve), which is why Bucky isn’t surprised when Harley comes home with a black eye and immediately proclaims that it wasn’t his fault, there were these two big kids picking on a younger girl on the playground.

“Oh yeah and here’s this, I guess,” Harley mumbles and shoves a piece of paper with a phone number on it in Bucky’s direction.

Bucky holds an ice pack up to Harley’s eye and asks, “What’s this?”

“Mr. Stark’s phone number. I said I wanted it in case Peter wanted to play but he seemed nice and looked like your type and I’m tired of you going out with jerks who don’t like me so I got it for you.”

Well, leaving that aside, “Who’s Peter?”

“Morgan’s brother. He’s in my class and he helped when he saw I was helping her out.”

Right, like that explains anything. He dials the number, intent on seeing if this Peter can tell him the full story, only for someone to say, “Stark residence, can I help you?”

Bucky doesn’t believe in love at first sight (er, voice) but whoever it is has got such a pretty voice and he kind of wants to hear them moaning his name so he purrs, “You sure can, doll.”

Maybe he shouldn’t be so surprised when they make an offended sound and hang up.

7. Doctor AU: Which one is the longsuffering doctor? Which one is the patient?

“Mr. Stark, please, I’m begging you, wear PPE when you’re working in your lab.”

“But then when would I get to see you?” Tony chirps, seemingly uncaring that Bucky is setting his fingers.

“At dinner,” Bucky says before he can think better of it.

They both freeze. Then Tony slowly says, “And that’s okay?”

Honestly? Probably not but Tony has been coming to the ER for months for his lab-related injuries and Bucky is always his doctor and they always end up flirting and he’s tired of this back-and-forth. So when he’s done splinting Tony’s fingers, he raises his hand to his mouth and brushes the softest of kisses over the back, smiling when Tony gasps.

8. Bodyguard AU: Who is the bodyguard? Who are they protecting? Which one is secretly pining for the other?

Howard Stark is convinced that someone is out to get him, his wife, and his son. He can easily take care of him and his wife but Tony recently moved out of the mansion, insistent on making his own way in the world so surreptitiously, Howard hires Bucky to keep an eye on Tony by moving into the apartment next door.

It’s probably the easiest job Bucky has ever had because Tony almost never leaves their building, too caught up in his projects as he is. He gets food delivered and sometimes, he has friends over but otherwise, he’s pretty much a recluse.

And that’s a damn shame that is because Bucky has really only seen Tony twice so far and both times have about knocked him flat out on the floor.

9. Pirate AU: Who is the pirate? Who is the member of the royal family who did not sign up for this?

Crown Prince Anthony Edward Stark, first of his name, heir to the throne, would like everyone to know that he absolutely did not sign up for this, no way, no how. Just about everyone on the ship though, sees it when he gives Captain Barnes what he obviously thinks is a secretive wink. And they all know that they’re going to hear it when the captain and his “captive” go below the deck that night.

Sam scratches his head awkwardly and looks over at Admiral Rhodes on the other ship. “You want to come over?” he calls. “They could be down there for a while.”

Rhodes sighs and crosses over. “Chessboard still set up?” he asks.

“Nope, Nat had to move it for one of her poker games. But I remember where the pieces were.”

10. Childhood best friends AU: Which one was super obviously in love with the other the whole time? Who was oblivious until they were older?

Everyone knows that Tony and Bucky are going to get married someday - except for Tony and Bucky themselves. Steve has been trying for ages to get Bucky to see that Tony is pining just as hard for him as Bucky is and Rhodes has been doing the same for Tony but they’re just...so oblivious. It makes Natasha want to bang her head against the wall - or maybe just lock them in a closet.

Except Clint tried that, right after Tony gave Bucky his first kiss when they were fifteen and Bucky just thought it was because they were friends. They’d been in that closet all night and when Clint finally opened the door in the morning, they were snuggling but still not together so he thinks they’re just too oblivious. There’s a school-wide betting pool on if they’ll get their act together before graduation.

(It’s okay though because Tony and Bucky have been dating since they were freshman. They’re just waiting to see how long it takes everyone else to notice.)

[zkfanworkweek]

ZFAW Content Creators: MarkedMage

Hey everyone! We hope you’re all excited for ZFAW, and to honor (ha!) ZFAW’s commitment to supporting and celebrating fan content creators in the Zutara fandom, we’re going to be rolling out a series of interviews with well-known and widely-beloved content creators over the next few weeks. We’ve got artists and fanfiction authors, some names you recognize as well as a few phenomenal up-and-coming talents, and we can’t wait for you to meet them all!

I know I got super behind with these, but I can’t wait to bring you the next interview with the lovely @markedmage! You can find her fanfiction HERE: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarkedMage/pseuds/MarkedMage 

Tell us about how you came to ship zutara. What does this ship mean to you?

 I first watched Avatar when it first came out and didn't pay too much attention to the ships at first, I remember seeing the final Kataang kiss and not really liking it. A few years later I rewatched the whole series and saw the chemistry and the strength of the bond between Katara and Zuko and it all just kind of went downhill from there. The pirate scene? Iconic. And I think I kinda knew, at the moment of CoD, that I was well and truly doomed. This ship means a lot to me, especially on a personal level, because I had a really tough year and a lot of hardships, and writing for Zutara was one of the things that got me through it.

 What inspires you to create Zutara fanworks? 

 I don't know if there's any particular thing that inspires me to write zutara, I just really love the bond and I love the respect and the love the two of them clearly hold for each other. They're beautiful, well written characters clearly meant for each other, and I just want to do them the justice that the original creators denied them so. I guess, if I had to narrow it down to any singular point of inspiration, it would probably just be the resurgence of ATLA on Netflix as well as reading a bunch of zutara fics that inspired me to write my own.

 Be selfish if you could request one fan work based on your art / fanfic what would it be? 

What would you absolutely love to see someone create? God I don't even know. I mean, my two favorite works of mine are make sense of all my broken parts and A Quiet Collision of Destinies, so if someone did any sort of fan appreciation for those two I would be floored. But honestly anything would be amazing- I know how laborious it can be to make content, so anything zk related (not even my works) is enough for me.

Any words for people who are new to the fandom and / or nervous about sharing their work for the first time?

 I mean if Zutara makes you happy, and writing/drawing them makes you happy, then you should do it. Because at the end of the day, this is the stuff that makes you happy and that matters more than comments and kudos on a page. That's the way I see it, that writing for Zutara makes me happy, and it's a bonus if it makes other people happy, but I'm writing for me first and foremost. I know there has been a lot of negativity towards Zutara supporters as of late, but I hope that doesn't deter any new writers/artists from doing what they love. At the end of the day, it's your content, and it's what makes you happy. And don't compare yourself to others! I know there's a whole mindset of comparing yourself to some of the big monster fics out there, like OATS and such, but in my opinion there is no real definition of what makes content good. Writing is in itself subjective, and people will either like it or they won't. So please don't compare yourself, and if you feel the need to, just remember that writing grows as you grow, so even if you think you're bad (which you're not!), Your writing voice will develop the more you do it. The same goes for drawing too!

What's an idea for a fan work that you have but haven't gotten around to making? 

 I recently read this most amazing fanfic called Purr by sparrowkeet1 and that lowkey inspired me to start writing my own modern zutara fic, although I haven't actually gotten around to planning and/or writing it yet. Other than that, I'm currently working on a soulmate AU, that I haven't quite finagled all the kinks out of it yet so it's an idea that's sort of in the works but not quite fully thought out yet. The first chapter is posted, but I really haven't gotten around to writing/drafting the rest of the plot, so I guess that counts, right? Are you participating in z f a w? If so want to give us a hint as to your plans? I'm going to attempt, emphasis on attempt. My life has gotten pretty hectic right now with grad school, so unfortunately writing for zutara has taken a backseat to academia, but if I do get around to writing for ZFAW, I plan on writing a fic inspired by Haylenfoster's animatics for zutara week!

[forasecondtherewedwon]

Beyond a Seasonable Doubt

Pairing: Peter Parker x Michelle Jones (Spideychelle) Rating: T Word count: 7478 @spideychelleweek​

Spideychelle Week Day 2: Soulmate AU

Summary: Peter's been living in winter for 17 years. A single smile from his soulmate would bring him into spring. Today, he finally has a real conversation with MJ, the girl he's pretty sure is the one.

Every day, Peter Parker wakes up certain of three things: that he won’t leave himself enough time to finish his cereal, that he should dress for snow, and the (probable) identity of his soulmate.

Ok, the first one’s not a certainty per say―sometimes he has microwave oatmeal or blueberry toaster waffles―but the second one’s been true his whole life. Every single day, for the past seventeen years and change, he’s been swaddled for winter weather. Could be January when he’s three years old and his puffy snowsuit looks totally appropriate as his mom pushes him down a slushy sidewalk in his stroller. Could be August 10th just last year and he’s wearing a woolen fisherman sweater (inherited from his Uncle Ben) and two pairs of socks to his own birthday pool party. Until his soulmate is confirmed, he won’t be part of the regular changing of the seasons that, up to this point, he’s only heard about and seen pictures and video of. For all intents and purposes, in Peter’s world, it’s winter. Some people say the date they’re stuck on bothers them. Personally, he doesn’t know how it could, since he’s never known anything different. You just have to layer up and get on with it.

His arm’s deep in his backpack, feeling around for the scarf he could swear he stuffed in there yesterday, as he walks into the kitchen. It’s a rare day; both Happy and May are at the table, working from home today. With ambivalence to the inevitability that he’ll be dumping half of it in the sink, Peter starts in on his Cheerios. He’s less apathetic about watching his dining companions. They haven’t had the easiest path, so he studies them for clues. May’s first soulmate was Uncle Ben. That’s not up for debate. Within 24 hours of when they met, the seasons adjusted themselves and two more people joined the rest of the world’s matched soulmates in enjoying the proper rotation of the earth around the sun. After Ben’s death, May told Peter that the seasons continued to change for her, but they slowed. Once a couple of years passed, there was a noticeable lag. She fell out of step with the world. When Happy came on the scene, things got back on track. Voilà, soulmate number two. From what Peter’s read, it’s not that unusual to find another soulmate if you lose your first, but honestly, he’d be happy just to get one.

May and Happy are dressed for mid-spring.

“Rain today?” Peter wonders, spooning Cheerios into his mouth.

“It’s holding off for now,” his aunt informs him.

When he turns to look out the window, there’s a cottony haze of thick snowflakes, like all of Queens is having a pillow fight on the rooftops. He sighs with acceptance rather than despair. Nothing was going to change overnight. It couldn’t, not without her, whoever she is. (He thinks he knows.)

“Cool.”

He leaves in a rush, slopping milk into the sink, and pulling on a hat.

A season isn’t much of a clue, but that’s not exactly how everyone experiences their pre-soulmate life. Instead of cycling through an entire spring, for example, and then starting again, each person exists in the weather as it was on the day their soulmate was born. The universe was kinda against Peter from the first. Snow, in his mind, goes with winter, but of course, in their New York climate, snow isn’t trapped between the boundaries of December and March. It wasn’t until he got his second clue that he figured out the first. The second clue was that this one girl would never smile at him. Soulmates need to smile at each other. That’s it. Just smile and everything else falls into place. No more dressing for the same temperature every day or involuntarily shivering when they see people in shorts and t-shirts in a world they observe to be covered in snow. Most people who haven’t found their soulmate yet smile a lot, trying to catch everyone’s eye, in the hope of locating the right person, so the fact that this one girl refused to smile at him (and continues to refuse) made Peter curious―curious enough to do some research to find out her birthday. End of November. Meaning autumn, not winter. He checked the weather for the year he was born, assuming he’s got the right girl and they share a birth year. Bingo. Big cold front, unexpectedly heavy snowfall that day. Plus, this girl dresses like it’s the peak of summer, which fits with when his birthday is, and he’s never seen her wear an outfit for cooler weather or hang around with any one person in particular (soulmates, especially those his age, tend to cling).

So, the third certainty. Peter’s pretty sure he knows who his soulmate is. What he doesn’t know is why the hell Michelle Jones won’t smile at him.

―

Every day, Michelle Jones wakes up certain of three things: that the inevitable sweat patches in the armpits of her uniform shirt will aid her in bullying Coach Wilson into letting her sit out during gym, that Peter Parker is her soulmate, and that she’d really prefer that he wasn’t.

People think she’s rude, which is maybe correct in the effect she has on them but not in the intention of her actions. She doesn’t like acting a certain way because it’s how she’s supposed to act. She doesn’t like etiquette, she doesn’t like rules, and she doesn’t like soulmates. Doesn’t want one, doesn’t need one. It’s an opinion adults condescendingly informed her she’d grow out of―as if accepting that she’s being denied free will is the kind of thing she’d mature into―until she quit voicing it. People love the system as long as they believe it’s working for them. What’s childish, as far as MJ is concerned, is placing complete faith in something as pervasive as soulmates simply because it seems too big to fail. That expression always makes her think of the Titanic.

She knows it’s not the cotton candy fantasy everyone wants to believe it is, and she’s not just disillusioned because she wakes up to a heatwave every day and has to carry deodorant with her all the time. Like most people, she was born the child of two soulmates. They met, they smiled, they took the soulmate bait, hook, line, and sinker. And then, even though they loved each other and got married and made MJ, her mom became mildly depressed. Her doctor thought it was the consequence of the seasons. MJ’s dad was a late-April baby, so maybe her mom was just one of those people who took longer to get used to variations in temperature and hours of daylight. The doctor thought she’d snap out of it when winter ended and nice weather came again. The problem was that MJ’s mom packed up and left in February. MJ’s never going to know for sure if it was the weather that made her go, but she does know that the soulmate bond wasn’t enough to make her mom stay. It taught her that, if a person’s determined enough, they can override destiny.

So she’s thankful to her mom, wherever she is, for that.

Based on her motives for distrusting the soulmate influence, the reason she doesn’t want Peter should be because she doesn’t want anybody, but no, it’s him in particular that MJ’s pretty much convinced she could do without. He’s smart, funny on occasion and mostly by accident, and he’s experienced family tragedy that’s different from hers, so they could connect over their messed-up pasts without too much overlap. All of that is more than she wants to deal with. If the universe attempted to shack her up with some trust-fund-having, loafer-wearing, future-frat-house-keg-meister, she could’ve worked with that. She would’ve smiled at the silver-spoon-suckling to confirm they were soulmates, then let that puppy-dog trail her from protest to protest while she told him when to pull out his chequebook and how many zeros to put down. There would’ve been a clear, Robin Hoodian purpose to that relationship. There’s not a point to Peter, besides him being someone she could very probably, very quickly fall in love with. Obviously, she can’t do that because soulmates are bullshit and true love is a con and long-term monogamy is a doomed enterprise.

…And she’s going to be late for her first class, Biology. Ugh, Peter always does this to her―intentionally walks slow to try to trick her into catching up with him. All that does is make MJ take a longer route and misjudge how quickly she needs to move. She wishes he’d knock it off. He’s backed off on a lot of other things for her sake (that’s an assumption based on observation because, of course, she’s never initiated a conversation with him), like sitting across from her in the cafeteria and dropping out of marching band (he plays trombone, she plays euphonium, and the brass section was too cozy a space for successfully avoiding someone). That second one was a waste because she was about to quit anyway, so now neither of them are in it and the whole band’s off balance. Too many fucking flautists. If Peter would commit to doing one or the other―pestering her or ignoring her―that would be convenient, but he’s inconsistent and she’s annoyed.

Oh, here’s another thing that happens every day: MJ hopes her displeasure will protect her from the urge to smile at the adorable, well-intentioned pain in her neck that destiny wants to tie her to until one of them drops dead or, marginally less dramatic, runs out on the young family they’ve created. It really pisses her off that Peter seems like he’ll be a great dad in another decade or two.

“Hey, MJ,” he says, when she finally makes it to Bio and slides behind the lab desk in front of his.

“Kiss my ass, Parker,” she mutters back.

He’s the reason for the sweat running down her spine. MJ pinches the front of her t-shirt and flaps it away from her skin, trying to stimulate enough airflow to make it through the period.

―

“You could trick her into smiling at you,” Ned suggests. They’re sitting together at lunch and Peter has a glumness hangover from MJ ignoring him (again) that morning.

“Babe,” Betty admonishes.

“Babe, he’d only feel bad if MJ really is his soulmate. If she’s not, then at least they know for sure and they can quit being weird with each other.”

“I’m not being weird with her,” Peter objects. “I’m just being nice! And I told you, I know it’s her.”

“You get that feeling?” Ned checks. “That warm feeling like I got the first time I saw Betty’s beautiful face?”

“Aw, babe!”

Their arms are already linked as they eat, but now Betty lays her head on her soulmate’s shoulder. If they get much closer, she’ll be in Ned’s lap, at which point Peter will have to make himself scarce. Though love is cute, it’s also kind of an affliction with a lot of messy symptoms.

“I don’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong!” he blurts out in frustration, jabbing at the salad May made him for lunch. “How could we be so incompatible?”

“You’re not though,” Betty counters. “You’re totally compatible.”

“Yeah, but we haven’t even taken the first step.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t think of it as the first step,” Ned suggests, being all wise.

“What do you mean?” Peter asked cautiously.

“Babe, you couldn’t be more correct,” Betty gushes. Peter sighs impatiently. He shouldn’t―they’re trying to help him―but it’s hard having paired up friends while his own soulmate stays just out of reach.

“Elaborate please,” he prompts.

He shifts in place and shivers when he accidentally moves out of the space his butt’s been warming. Meanwhile, here are Ned and Betty in their lightweight sweaters and sneakers. Peter’s boots clomp under the table.

“Well,” Ned posits, “isn’t confirming you’re soulmates more like the final step? You’ve done your waiting and now you get to be together?” Betty kisses his cheek in agreement.

“Maybe,” Peter allows.

“If you accept that confirming your bond isn’t the very next step, then you can start considering what is the next step. What do you think that might be, Peter?” Betty asks.

“I should… get MJ to tell me why she isn’t ready or interested in confirming it. In a respectful way that doesn’t pressure her,” he adds when Betty narrows her eyes judgementally.

“And how do you plan to achieve that?”

“Babe,” Ned intercedes, “let’s give him a minute to think about it.”

Peter tries to do that while he finishes his lunch. There are a lot of vegetables in here and they’re seasonal, just not for the season he’s experiencing. May’s always trying to load him up with vitamin-rich foods, since most of his day’s snowy; the clouds clear for a while around the time he gets out of school, allowing him some sun on his face as long as he doesn’t dawdle or land in detention. That train of thought makes him realize that detention would be the perfect place to talk this out with MJ, except that he’s against Ned’s plan of tricking her into becoming his soulmate and making sure she landed in detention with him would probably involve tricking. He knows she used to hang out there voluntarily from time to time, but not since they became aware of their connection. Now, she seems to avoid any place she might get stuck in and be cornered by Peter.

Ugh! He’s so ready to love and be loved! It’s super awesome to have people to love and worry about and have breakfast with. Love and breakfast are precious, in Peter’s opinion, and so is time. Getting enough of it isn’t something to be depended upon. After his parents and then Uncle Ben, he can’t trust quantity―he gives and gets quality love these days. He doesn’t know everything about Michelle Jones, but he’d like her to understand that, the irreplaceable value she represents to him. If she’d just be a plain envelope, he’d do all the work; put on the stamp, write out the address, compose the note it would hold. Right now, she’s like a sheet of paper, he guesses, one that they fold up into an envelope. She hasn’t been cut out or had that gross glue strip applied and it seems like it might be a long time before she’s ready for a letter or, like, a Happy Bar Mitzvah card. MJ might not want to be his envelope person, or she just might not know the things he could be for her (glue-licking, stamp-applying, Mazel Tov!-writing). If she at least knows, then he’ll concede that he’s done everything he can. If she knows, it’ll hopefully be enough for her to make a decision. Peter can’t force her to decide in his favour, but even if she understands and decides that she needs another five years before she wants to talk to him about the probability of their being soulmates and maybe revisit the smiling thing, he’ll know something too. Waiting is really tough.

―

“Don’t smile at me,” Peter requests, both hands up, when MJ shuts her locker to see him standing there.

She rolls her eyes. Nothing about the one person she’s actively avoiding hanging out at a place she has to be makes her want to smile. Did he decide that if he couldn’t be her soulmate he’d settle for being her stalker?

…Probably not. He’s way too good a person for that. Seriously, she tries to make these made-up accusations stick to him, but he’s just not that guy. That doesn’t mean she accepts, likes, or appreciates this latest move to get her attention.

“Are you trying reverse psychology now?” MJ demands.

“I’m just trying to make it extra clear that, whatever your reasons are for not smiling, I respect them.” He shrugs his shoulders and she glances down at the lunchbox he’s carrying. She wonders what he ate today.

“What if I’m not smiling because I’m plotting a bank heist in my head? Do you respect that? Do you respect theft, Peter?”

His expression is so satisfyingly startled that she almost does smile. No, fuck this. There are only ten minutes or so left in the lunch hour and she can wander the halls until the next class starts. She goes to step around him, but their shoulders brush and she feels something. It’s more aggressive than the welcoming warmth the bond (that’s what she attributes it to) usually makes her feel when she sees him. This is pure affection and it’s really hard to put her back to it. MJ pauses, facing away from Peter, and she’s almost got the new feeling under control when he turns and starts walking beside her.

“I think we can figure this out,” he says eagerly. Dammit. His enthusiasm for learning is one of the traits she finds most attractive in him. Can’t he just lay off with that fucking fated appeal?

“I think I already have,” she shoots back, not looking at him. “The universe wants to play sock puppets and guess what? We’re the sock puppets.”

“Look,” Peter says. He’s shockingly persistent today as he jumps in front of her and catches her eye. “We don’t have to play by its rules. We can make our own.”

“You wanna be with me?” she asks point-blank. Her chin jerks up instinctively when she questions him, eyes appraising. Either the question or the blunt stare makes him blush.

“Yeah, I, I think I probably do.”

“You want me to fall in love with you? For us to get married? Live together? Have kids? Me and you against the world, forever?”

“Maybe?”

“Well, you can’t just want one thing, Peter,” MJ tells him. Her fingers grip hard at the books in her hands. “There’s no shallow end of the soulmate bond. Its plan is not for us to casually date and let things plateau if it doesn’t work out.”

“But it would work out.” Poor thing looks confused.

“Says who?”

He shrugs.

“Everybody.”

“Check your sources.”

She hangs a left into the girls’ bathroom before Peter can respond, but he’s waiting in the hall when she returns.

“You can’t ignore it,” is the first thing he says to her, pushing off the wall. This time, MJ plants her feet.

“Or you, apparently, if you keep stalking me.”

“I’m not trying to. I just want us―”

“To talk,” she finishes for him. “Which is pointless. You’re not going to gain any ground with me, Peter. I have no ground for you to gain on this issue.”

“Maybe, if you told me why you won’t smile, you’ll feel better.”

“I feel fine.”

“You do not. You’re trying not to let someone care a lot about you when it’s guaranteed that they would. He would. I would,” Peter rambles. He takes a deep breath and looks her firmly in the eye. “Isn’t that, like, the one thing everybody wants? To be able to count on someone caring?”

“I’m not broken just because I don’t want what everybody wants,” she bites back, feeling herself flush with annoyance and, beneath that, embarrassment at being assessed.

“I would never call you broken,” he swears in a quiet voice. He is not going to make her tear up right now. She’s softening though, she can feel it. Stupid sincere soulmate. “I mean, if anything, I’m broken, so I could never judge, even if I wanted to. I know people try hard to find their perfect match, but I feel greedy sometimes with how badly I want it to happen to me. I know it’s not fair to you, I’ve been coming to terms with―”

“You’re not broken, Peter. Wanting someone to love you doesn’t make you broken. Or, if it does, then most people are. You’re not alone just because you don’t have me.”

Clearly, the time to stop herself was one sentence sooner. Because the jerk smiles at her and the next thing she does is agree to discuss this further after school.

―

There was something she said, while they were talking after lunch, that has him considering their potential as platonic soulmates well into third period. That’s what soulmates are for some people―they want all of the kindness and support of the bond with none of the romance, and the universe gives them what they need. When MJ said that stuff about marriage and babies and forever, Peter began contemplating whether they could achieve the third thing without the first two. Almost immediately, he ruled it out. He knew what attraction felt like. Sure, being soulmates was probably influencing him towards MJ, but she wasn’t the only person he found attractive. He used to have a crush on Liz. One day, when his Business class was on a field trip and it rained, he saw Flash with all the product washed out of his hair and was attracted to him (right up until Flash made a few loud comments about getting ‘Penis’ out of the cold weather before he shriveled up).

The conclusion he comes to is clear: Peter’s definitely hot for MJ. While marriage can wait, falling dizzily, hopelessly in love―and properly, in the kind of love they could have with their soulmate bond confirmed―is something he can only ever half-heartedly postpone. He wants to give her presents with love on her birthday. He wants to hug her and feel a new kind of complete. He wants to be her Valentine.

When Peter sees MJ hanging back to wait for him once the final bell rings, he’s relieved. Then tense. Not screwing this up might literally be the most important thing in his future. Trying to reassure her that he isn’t planning some sort of ambush to force a smile out of her, he suggests they talk someplace where other people will be around. She flat-out refuses to go to a coffee shop with him because it would be way too date-like. (Yeah, he gets that, picturing an awkward moment in which he attempts to pay for both their orders, or their shoes bump under the table.) They agree on the gym, where the girls’ indoor soccer team is having practice. Together―him in flannel-lined jeans and her in shorts―they thud up the bleachers to sit at the very top. MJ catches her foot and Peter notices that, when he instinctively reaches out to steady her, she shies away with a regretful look on her face. He really doesn’t expect her to explain, but then she does as they sit down.

“It does something to me,” she says, jerking her head as though to reference their near-contact.

Peter shrugs.

“Yeah, me too, but I’ve never been trying to avoid that feeling. I’ve gotten used to, like, um,” he stammers, “leaning into it. But I’m sorry. I won’t touch you.”

“Well, you know that I have the opposite habit.” MJ takes a deep breath, and Peter gets the sense that this would be the moment for her to be vulnerable with him and explain why she works so hard to ignore him. Ultimately, volunteering that information appears to be too much of an emotional effort. She decides to ask, “Is that something you’re interested in knowing more about?”

“Anything you wanna tell me,” he says quickly. He’s been waiting forever for this opportunity. “You can ask me things too. Open book.”

“I’m… not used to just spilling stuff about my life.”

He considers that.

“Why’d you say yes to this?”

She sighs and leans forward to rest her elbows on her knees. Then, she cups her face in her hand and turns to meet his eye.

“I’m tired of the way seeing you is always such a big deal. The bond says it’s wonderful and my brain hates it. I don’t want to be so torn all the time.”

“So…” he begins uncertainly. “Which outcome are you hoping for? Thinking I’m wonderful or hating my guts?”

The speed with which MJ turns her face away from him makes him wonder if she’s hiding a smile. He wasn’t trying to be funny.

“Quit twisting my words,” she requests, straight-faced as she stares straight ahead to where the soccer players are booting around what looks like an oversized tennis ball. “I didn’t say I hate you.”

“Just your brain.”

“Mhmm. My brain hates the idea of you.”

“MJ,” Peter says earnestly. She looks at him. “Why?”

“You control my whole life!” she says abruptly. “I’m sweating from climbing these stupid bleachers because of you. I have the urge to smile right now, when I’m irritated, because of you. Your existence tells me what to wear even when I’m not with you and how to feel whenever I see you.”

“I’m sorry―”

“And I can’t even seriously blame you because it’s not actually your fault!”

The girls’ team has quit weaving and shooting the ball, heading and passing it. Peter gets that MJ wanted a public place, but now he knows they’re being eavesdropped on. He’s quiet, though not because of the potential listeners; he doesn’t want to stop MJ from saying whatever she might tell him next. He’s been longing to hear her thoughts for ages.

“And that’s just, like, surface stuff!” she huffs. She’s flushed. If he could hold her face between his hands, the warmth might stay with him all the way home while he trudges along the sidewalk, ploughing snow aside with his shins.

“Please,” Peter says softly, “tell me more. Tell me anything you want.”

―

She went into it knowing she wouldn’t be allowing her soulmate to make her smile, but MJ didn’t anticipate letting him see her cry. He’s so open and she’s fortified her defenses against this topic for such a long time. Apparently, that’s enough for discussing her emotions and fears to make her crack like an egg. Peter doesn’t rush her or tell her that her feelings are the wrong feelings and the whole time he watches her face with a startling amount of attention. Has anybody looked at her like this? Really looked at her? Ever? She feels like a mom would’ve, but she can’t remember if her mom did. And that’s who she’s talking about, that’s the part of the story she’s at, when she feels the tears dribble out and tilts her head to let them drain away over her cheek. God, this is embarrassing. At least the soccer team packed up and left before she felt her throat getting thick.

“I don’t know if I’m still just letting my mom decide whether or not I get to be happy,” MJ admits, face wet until she catches her tear tracks with the back of her wrist. “I’m trying to do this, ignore the soulmate bond, for me, but maybe… I don’t know…”

“You’re forcing me away from you?” Peter suggests.

“Yeah. I’m abandoning you before we can get attached.” Somehow, this dork has Kleenex in his backpack and hands her one. She blows her nose hard, then crumples the tissue in her hand. “Pretty fucked up.”

“Ok, this is gonna sound really stupid, because we’re not even together, but I don’t think I’m the kind of person who could leave you.”

“You can’t promise that though,” MJ says―so, so quietly. She wants her words to run away and hide under the bleachers with the dust bunnies.

“Would you rather have nothing?” he asks.

Coming from someone else, she’s pretty sure that would be an ultimatum, some kind of threat to accept him as her soulmate now or never get another chance. Peter asks it with as little agenda as he’s asked everything else, easing her through her memories and her dreads.

“I’m not sure,” she says.

“Can I tell you something? I’m not sure I could be with someone whose goal was to resist getting or giving love. I mean, I’ve heard everything you’ve told me and I can see why you’ve been dodging the soulmate thing, but if you get to look way ahead and worry about things that are only possible and far in the future, like me leaving you, then I get to look ahead too.” He pauses and she nods to indicate that, yeah, that’s fair. MJ thinks this is very brave of him, stepping out of the situation for a second to consider what he might need later when what he wants is to be with her right away. “I don’t wanna be left either. I don’t want you not to be able to overcome the idea that soulmates are bad and wrong. Maybe it doesn’t matter if you think that in general, but if it’s a part of our relationship, then you’re always going to be expecting things to end. It would be like you were trying to think your way out of it instead of enjoying whatever we could have. And what we could have, by the way? I don’t think the bond has anything to say about that. Does it encourage us to get together? Yeah, sure, fine, it does and we accept that’s how it works. Once we are together though, isn’t the rest on our terms?”

Finally, Peter takes a longer breath and some of the intensity fades from his expression.

“You’re looking at me funny,” he notes. “I know I talked a lot. Are you gonna say something?”

“Just that you sounded smart and it’s pissing me off.”

He gives her dry joke a sad smile.

“Losing people sucks.” His voice is like a rock falling, falling, falling through deep water. “For as much as you don’t want me to make promises, I know that I’d try really fucking hard not to lose you. You can’t hate me, or your brain can’t hate me, for that. It’s the human element of this whole thing, which should be the part you like, since you’re so anti-destiny.”

Looks like Peter’s raised his own spirits enough to offer a conspiratorial little smile at the end there.

“Another repulsively astute point,” she says flatly and watches his smile broaden. Fuck, it makes her heart feel like a marshmallow that’s melting onto a s’more and simultaneously being stretched until it tears into sticky ribbons.

He checks his watch and gets to his feet.

“I gotta get home.”

“Did I miss the soulmate-decision deadline?” she teases. Feels weird. She stands too and they clomp back down to the gym floor.

“No! God, no, I wasn’t trying to rush you by looking at the time!”

“Parker, I’m messing with you. Chill.”

She eyes his winter clothing.

“Or maybe don’t. Looks like you’re chill enough already. Sorry for being born during a blizzard. My dad told me he and my mom barely got to the hospital in time for me to not be born in the car, the roads were so bad.”

Peter appraises her right back.

“Sorry for being born during a heatwave. I wish I could ask my mom what that was like, but you already know about my parents.”

“Shit, I didn’t mean to start comparing…”

“No, I know,” Peter says. “I miss her, but it’s not always the worst, having a certain moment make me notice that I could’ve learned something from her here. It’s actually easier to appreciate than forget, even if it’s sad for a little while.”

“If I promise to try it, will you cut it out with the insightful bullshit?”

Instead of answering that question, he springs something else on her.

“For the record, I know the only reason you didn’t smile at me is because you were trying so hard not to.”

Immediately, MJ turns her back on him and smirks as she heads for the far exit.

―

Peter’s seen a lot of snow. Almost all the weather he’s ever seen is snow, and even at the point in his day when the snowfall takes its lunchbreak, there’s over a foot on the ground and dense grey clouds up above. He thinks it’s crazy how snow fills people with wonder―mainly in Christmas movies and holiday episodes of TV shows. The way he feels about snow is probably how people living in late-spring-to-early-fall weather feel about grass. It’s just there, the base layer of their environment.

Except tonight Peter has his blind up, watching the thin sprinkle the blizzard has slowed into catch the light from other people’s apartments, a clean, meltable glitter. He’s tired and can’t sleep, but it’s a quiet comfort of sleeplessness, not the kind where he stresses and twists around between his sheets. The weight of the day keeps him flat on his back in bed as he thinks it all over. His feelings, MJ’s, the satisfaction of finally having a long talk with her, the biting pain of seeing her cry. In his mind, since he first guessed it might be her who’s his soulmate, he’s been tailoring their love. Their potential love. He didn’t know what it would look like before having her to mould a concept around. Learning that she was probably his soulmate, studying her, Peter decided they were meant for a slow love. Love would be something that slipped gradually across them, like pulling up the sheet on a bed or stepping into a long summertime shadow.

He’s surprised at the kind of love MJ envisioned; from the berth she gave it when she talked that afternoon, it sounded big and powerful and immediate. Faster than an avalanche, ringing through their lives louder than a thunderclap. He wanted them to confirm their bond soon so that unhurried love could begin to develop and she was afraid that the second they started would be the second they were swept away. No wonder she avoided him, Peter thinks. The love she anticipated would equal an act of god and he isn’t ready for that either. He turns his face away from the direction of the window and stares at his dark ceiling.

Peter has plenty of forceful love in his life―he can’t consider it enough forceful love, because there’s no such thing as enough love, is there?―thanks to May. She took on the mom-ish role of caring for him after his parents were gone, then the single-mom-ish role of raising him into approaching adulthood without Uncle Ben. While her aura is soft, her whole attitude has been very roll-up-your-sleeves where he’s concerned. May faced down his extreme need for parental TLC like it was a battle and continues to love him fiercely, even if his steadily increasing age and Happy’s calming presence temper her a little these days. So Peter’s covered in the department of that kind of love. He hopes his forever person doesn’t feel the need to bombard him with a truckload of love from the start; it would make him feel pitied, somehow, like they were putting all their effort into making up for the fact that he doesn’t have parents anymore. Peter knows he doesn’t have parents, he doesn’t want or need to be smothered to make up for their absence.

This chance (it still isn’t a solid thing) with MJ could let him grow into devotion. He’s kinda longing to know what that feels like. The theoretical adjective he’d attach to it is normal. Whatever the universe’s input here, Peter really believes the most normal thing after confirming their bond would be to allow things to develop however felt right. And with the bond backing them, technically anything they do would be right, right? He wants them to grow up together and grow into each other. He doesn’t want MJ to be the bond or a love lightning bolt, zipping down to fry him. The assurance that they’ll fall in love is enough to start. It’s an invaluable forecast, as dependable as the weather he’s been experiencing all his life.

When his phone buzzes on his nightstand, Peter feels as though he’s being retracted like a telescope―thoughts way far out in space drawing back to his building, his bedroom, his body. He rubs his eyes with his knuckle as he looks at the screen.

So… you were unexpectedly deep today, MJ’s text reads.

They never exactly exchanged numbers, but he got hers from Betty one time and saved it just in case. His heart beats faster at the thought that maybe MJ did the same.

And you’re still mad about it? Peter guesses, tapping out his reply.

Oh, you are up.

There was a lot to think about, he tells her honestly. Why are you still awake?

Because the day you were born must have been the most humid day of the year. It’s too hot to sleep.

Also, MJ tags on, that crap you said about thinking.

―

She lets her phone drop onto the thin cotton sheet of the mattress and uses its light to help her see as she rips nervously at the skin around her fingernail. Texting Peter wasn’t even really a thought―she just found herself doing it, surprised by how natural the instinct felt and despite the fact that she really doesn’t reach out to people. That she would reach out to the one person she was utterly vulnerable in front of less than 12 hours ago is something MJ would never have expected of herself. But she’s let him in this far.

And you decided to talk to me about it? Peter finally responds, postponing further anxiety.

I know. My boundaries are completely fucked after this afternoon. I might never be able to bottle up my feelings again. Hope you’re happy, loser.

Well, Peter texts, you don’t have to do that. If you need to empty the bottle every once in a while, I get it. I can be your glass. Or your straw?

You want to suck up my feelings? Like some kind of feelings-vampire?

God, she is fucking this up so severely. He’s going to wish she’d just kept ignoring him instead of caving to his persistent friendliness and that look he gets that’s all eyes, totally impossible to say no to. Amazingly, her last stupid text isn’t enough to make him say he’s going to sleep now, or worse, not respond at all.

Just a feelings-relief, he corrects. Unless you like the idea of the feelings-vampire better.

You don’t need to bend to my will like that, Parker. Suddenly, MJ’s kind of angry.

Don’t give me what you think I want just because you feel bad about seeing me cry, she continues. Or because you think you can make this work by doing whatever I want. Never appease me.

I care, he says simply.

Wow, she feels like a jerk.

Because destiny told you that you could take that care and trade up for the promise of eternal love? she snarks back, apparently not quite done with the jerk thing.

I had no idea texting you would be even more fun than talking in person.

Is he… is he being sarcastic with her? MJ smiles at her phone. Incredible.

I’m fun in all mediums, she says, not having a clear idea of what she means and looking forward to Peter trying really hard to interpret it.

Knock knock, is his response.

Who’s there?

Ummmm idk.

‘Ummmm idk’ who?

No, I seriously don’t know, he says.

MJ snorts in confused laughter and shifts around to find a cool spot on her sheet; she wasn’t lying about the heat.

Why would you send me the beginning of a knock-knock joke with no joke? she asks.

I thought I’d think of the rest of it in the moment. I know that’s dumb. It just felt like we were maybe in a zone there and I wanted to keep it going.

Relax. I’m not going to strike you out for one ill-conceived knock-knock joke.

What about two?

I wouldn’t test your luck, MJ counsels, still smiling.

She can see that he’s composing a reply, but she beats him to it: I was thinking about what you said about destiny. Actually, what you said about the opposite of destiny, the thing about the human element.

And?

She can practically sense his tension as she holds her phone in her hand.

I think it’s a good thought. That two people can still make a relationship theirs.

Ned said something to me today.

How unusual.

Shut up, Peter quips back. He said that confirming you’re somebody’s soulmate is like the last big step.

Oh?

Yeah, I think he’s totally wrong.

So do I.

Replying that way felt like a huge leap and yet, MJ took it. It doesn’t take long after that for her to start getting tired, blinking long and slow until she’s only opening her eyes when her phone vibrates against her fingers. Peter says he’s tired too and they wrap the conversation up. There’s a suggestion of seeing each other at school the next day. It shouldn’t have any special meaning―it’s a throwaway farewell, less than a promise―but she reacts to it with her last bit of focus. See you in the morning, are her exact words.

She cranes her phone out over the side of her bed with her arm, then lets it go just a little too far from the floor. Probably fine, though it clatters against the surface. Protected by the night and her closed eyes, MJ feels around inside her mind, looking for the taut tug-of-war rope that should be telling her that, one, she doesn’t want to meet with Peter because he’s probably her soulmate and soulmates are a lie and a scam, and two, that she does want to meet with Peter because he has a cute smile that he shows her even when she doesn’t give him much reason to. Then she thinks about how much she prefers first steps to last steps.

―

He could be a clone. He could be a clone in a programmed world, living his programmed life the same every day, but with, like, fake memories that fool him into believing in variety. Because he does believe in it. Today, Peter wakes up and change seems possible.

There’s snow on the ground outside and he has to get his socks on before putting his feet on the floor and he’s eating his breakfast too slowly and the way his aunt and Happy are dressed says it’s still spring. Peter asks about rain. May says, “Any time now,” and keeps reading the paperwork she has folded open on the table as she scratches absently at her arm.

“Amazing,” Peter replies, meaning it, as he picks up his bowl and slurps the rest of his cereal until milk runs down his chin.

His aunt glances up to give him a funny look. He’s pretty sure it’s not about the milk, but there’s no time to ask. If he hurries, he’ll leave ahead of his usual schedule, thanks to this new breakfast hack. He wants to get to school. School is such a great place to be.

Peter races out of the apartment and down the stairs like he’s 10 minutes late instead of 3 minutes early. It’s in the building’s entryway that he gets a feeling. Four feet from the glass door that he sees her standing on the sidewalk, snow she can’t feel partway up her mostly-bare legs. Pushing the door open when she quits looking away down the street and stares straight back at him instead. When MJ smiles, Peter smiles back. It could be a life-changing moment, or it might just be a reflex. Because they started to let each other in, he’ll probably never know the answer. Anyway, why does there only have to be one?

“I’ve been waiting,” she says. “I thought you’d be down sooner.”

He laughs self-deprecatingly.

“I tend to cut my timing kinda close in the morning. You wanna get going?” Peter jerks his head to the side.

“Yeah, we should. You’re probably getting cold just standing there.”

With his timing slightly off, they’re ahead of schedule for the bus he’s usually running to catch, so they decide to walk up to the next stop. As they approach the intersection, the light changes to yellow.

“We can beat it if we run,” Peter suggests, trying not to strangle himself by catching his scarf as he hikes his backpack higher on his shoulders.

But MJ goes, “Wait,” so urgently that he stops at the corner.

“What is it?”

“I thought I just…” With a puzzled expression, she extends her hand, palm up. Not towards Peter, but away from him. “…felt a raindrop.”

They lock eyes.

“You want my coat?” he offers. MJ smiles again.

“I’ll let you know.”

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Fix me, part 8/finale:

Summary: Love is complicated but incredibly beautiful, and if it’s healthy it will help you grow too.

Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing

Word count: 4000

Fix Me (doctor/soulmate AU) series Masterlist

A/N - heavily inspired by Grey’s anatomy, my own experiences and thoughts, but also by songs: Birdy - Not about angels, Bear’s den - Fortress, Matthew and the atlas - Out of the darkness, Harry Styles - Falling, Kodaline - Wherever you are, Isak Danielson - Love me Wrong, Dove Cameron - Remember me, Tom Odell - Can’t pretend, The XX - Angels, Coldplay - Fix you, Coldplay - The scientist, Elvis Presley - Can’t help falling in love.

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Kakorrhaphiophobia (n.) - the fear of failure

Atelphobia - the fear of not being good enough

She stared ahead blankly, her mind void of thought as well as her heart is void of emotion. Is this what it means to break? To lose your humanity once your heart is broken one too many times? To become numb, lifeless, no care for anything or anyone?

It's a fate she would never wish upon anyone, because when you lose the will to fight, why would you want to live?

For some unexplained reason, she felt like a failure...like she failed Ethan and like she failed the blob inside her that counted on her to nurture it until they’re full grown. She had always feared of not being enough, so what if years of chemotherapy had ruined her ability to bear a healthy child? Would Ethan want her then?

"What do you mean you can't find a heartbeat?!" Ethan, on the other hand, wasn't ready to give up. His soul bleeds, but his heart is strong - it's turned to steel, something his many years on the planet ensued. But it's more than age or experience, it's love in its purest form - for the woman beside him that went mute with the news and for the little clump of cells that bear his DNA inside her. 

It's hard to understand how one could care for something that's not even a fully formed human bring, someone you've never met or held, but he fucking loved Y/N before he met her and he sure as hell loved the child he thought she'd gift him with.

"It could mean one of two things. Y/N, when were you supposed to start your period?" Grayson felt the eerie emptiness in the girl before him and he couldn't help but notice his brother is dancing on the edge of that same cliff as well. 

They look pale, defeated, lost. Even with the hurt his words caused, they still hold their hands together, like Y/N is a tree looking for prosperous land to settle down her wary roots and Ethan had provided the perfect soil for her to rest and feel safe.

For a moment, Grayson expected Y/N to leave Ethan, to hate him. Yet, it would seem they are stronger than ever and he can't help but pray that he has it easier with his soulmate but for their bond to be as strong as their's.

"12 days." Monotone voice had sounded as she laid her head back, staring up at the ceiling. Tears prick at her eyes, but she can't even cry anymore. There's nothing left inside her to make her fight and yes, the touch of Ethan's hand is the only grounding sensation at this point.

"And I'm gonna guess you two go at it like bunnies?" This time he turned to Ethan for an answer. With a roll of his eyes and a reluctant nod, Ethan had realized where he's going with this.

"First possibility is that you will have a miscarriage very soon if the embryo didn't implant properly. But the second one I hope is true is that you just came in too soon. The heart tube doesn't form or start beating before the first month." Finally, Y/N blinks, looking back at Grayson who forced a smile for her benefit. Truth be told, he can't be sure but he has to believe in the positive outcome. For his own sanity, and theirs.

"So what does that mean for us?" Gripping Ethan's hand strongly once more, Y/N found herself choking on tears she wants to let out, feeling an overwhelming rush of emotions wash over her.

"For now? Go home. Rest up, avoid stress and eat well. I'll give you prenatals because I'm hopeful and likely right about the second theory. Just be with each other and enjoy the fact destiny gave you this time together."

As hard as it is to admit it, Grayson is right. Y/N knew that. She could still hold onto the anger and let it harm her and possibly the baby, or she can embrace the miracle of life that included both having the man she loves as a soulmate and having his baby she thought she couldn't have.

Resfeber (n.) - tangled feelings of fear and excitement before a journey begins

And in that moment, her eyes found his and a small smile crept up on her and it had made all the difference in the world. Just one smile she gave eased Ethan's raging heart and overwhelmed mind. She anchored him once again and the fear of losing her suddenly had no meaning. For the first time since he met her, Ethan felt that he can't lose her...until death do us part at its truest form.

They sat in the car and Ethan didn't expect much more than the smile she already gave him. He thought she'd ask to be taken to her apartment and be left alone and yet, before he has a chance to ask, she speaks first.

"I love you." Small as it may be to some, this statement she had showed mercy with had given Ethan strength to keep breathing - for both of them if necessary.

"I don't ever want to be away from you. So, if it's alright with you, I'd like to look for a house together." Is it a dream? An elaborate daydream where their relationship is perfect and he didn't lie to her and she isn't a flight risk?

"I choose to have hope. Before you, I wasn't exactly a person with a positive outlook on life, but I can't hide that you've influenced me and I have hope. Thanks to you." Swallowing thickly to hide the fact that he's completely choked up, at a loss for words, Ethan covers his mouth as a chuckle escapes him and he nods.

"Yeah. Yeah. I'd love nothing more." Deciding not to test fate, he started the car and set it to a route to his own home. There's no chance in hell he'd let her stay at her place now. Not when he finally has her - mind, heart, soul.

"I'm still going to be angry at you from time to time, so expect that." She giggles, as if all the worries of the world have washed away and nothing but love remained. 

Sneaking a peek, Ethan found himself mesmerized for her beauty is enthralling, her body intoxicating, but her heart and mind? It's what keeps him coming back for more. 

Ethan realized that everyone is looking for one thing in their significant other - that one person whose light would make all the darkness we've known worth it.

"I'd expect nothing less, sweetheart. As long as you know I plan to spoil you rotten and that I won't leave you...ever."

With a satisfied smile and a court nod, she looked away and out the window, whispering under her breath.

"You really are the sunshine brother."

Unaware Ethan heard her, she kept her gaze on the people outside the window, but Ethan as perplexed as he is with her statement had felt like he finally found meaning in every horrible thing he had went through in his life. His life was fairly good, but when it got bad it truly went up in flames. She made it worth it.

 All of it.

When he feels her love, it robs him of sadness and doubt and when he feels her pain, he senses he could fight the world if it meant she'd be happy again. There is no greater feeling in the world than to love deeply and be loved as passionately and as strongly as you've imagined.

Once they arrived at the apartment, Ethan took her by surprise as he swept her off her feet, holding her in his arms as she squealed with the unexpected loss of stability only to find herself as safe as she never thought she'd be, right in his embrace.

"What?! Are? You? Doooiiinggg?!" She taped his shoulder before wrapping her arms around him tightly, making sure he can't drop her like he once joked he would and then actually dropped her...on the couch, but it was still an accident and she bounced off it and bruised her hip in the process.

"Practicing for when we get married." Ethan smirked as her face flushed red with the thought of actually wearing a wedding dress and saying her vows. She never truly thought she'd live long enough to find her soulmate, let alone actually love him with every inch of her tortured soul and yet she found him and everything that happened after was beautiful, the unfabricated kind.

"You really want to do that?" Her voice went higher and Ethan knew she was nervous, but the good kind.

"If I don’t put a ring on that finger, someone might beat me to it. I'm well aware I'm not entitled to have you as my wife, lover or even friend just because we're soulmates. I'm always going to do my best to remind you that I am a besotted fool when it comes to you and I actually want nothing more than to wake up next to you for the rest of my days. I lived over a century and I never felt happier than I am with you." There was something about the way his eyes changed, the color deeper and warmer in the sunlight as his gaze conveyed all the love he could never express with words even though he tries daily.

Jaded as she used to be, Y/N couldn't deny destiny was right about this match, about the man sent to her when she found herself closed to love, giving up on the notion altogether.

She took his hand and wrapped both of hers around it with a gentle squeeze, hoping he understands how much his words truly mean, especially when he backs them with actions, only to manage a faint: "Ditto."

Raising his eyebrow in surprise, Ethan couldn't stop a chuckle from escaping him as he leaned into her and pecked her lips.

"Ditto? Really? That's all you got after I poured my heart out?" His deep, low tone had rippled through her heart and mind and wreaked havoc as she struggled to put together a sensible thought.

"Love you?" She squealed, his warm hand sneakily riding up her thigh only making her tremble, losing her ability to even breathe. He's intense. Always has been and even now, after everything, Y/N is learning how to survive him.

Aware of it all, he couldn't do much but capture her luscious, quivering bottom lip, claiming it as his, thinking just how much he loves her lips.

And while they hid in his bed for days to come, watching romcoms and eating popcorn, having time to just relax and be at peace with one another, Ethan had to return to his job after three days while she was officially put on bed-rest by Grayson who declared himself as her gynecologist, a little something she intended to change before the first vaginal examination.

Selcouth (adj.) - unfamiliar, rare, strange yet marvelous

"Wait!" Rubbing her hands as she approached him on her knees trying not to fall with her faux crawl from her side of the bed, Ethan laughed halfheartedly as he winked at her with his smirk setting on his lips once again.

"Already miss me?"

Rolling her eyes, she groaned as she took his hands in hers, rubbing them diligently while his confusion grew.

"Not to be that guy but why are you rubbing your soft, kinda oily hands on mine?"

"They're not oily!" Her defensive tone matched the quick sharpness in her eyes as she looked up at him before sighing.

"It's hand cream. Your hands are your instrument, Ethan, you need to protect them."

And he couldn't stop thinking about that for the rest of the day. The way her hands took time to make sure his were safe, it felt...different, intimate like sex and while it’s all he could ever ask for, Ethan was still adjusting to the feeling of being loved by Y/N. He’s been too used to chasing her for every inch of affection, too used to being the one giving her all the love in the world that he never realized she might have a whole lot of love to give as well and perhaps it’s time he lets her.

"You okay, bro? Y/N's fine?" Grayson placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, worried he might have to jump into caretaker mode in case something happened.

"Yeah, just...You know about that thing when girls put moisturizing cream on their hands and then take yours and rub it into your skin?" Ethan glances at his quiet brother who waited for him to continue, only to realize he was actually asking a question not just stating something.

"No. But continue."

"Y/N did that for me today and I swear I almost cried and I still might." Chuckling, Ethan realized he might sound like a baby but he honestly couldn’t believe he’s finally at a point where his life doesn’t seem bleak anymore. 

He’s a little worried how Grayson might take it – watching him grow old and having a family when in fact, that was Grayson’s greatest wish and losing his twin is his worst fear.

“Please don’t.” Grayson squinted, removing his hand off Ethan’s shoulder. “When you cry, I cry, and I’m in no mood to wipe any tears today, alright?” And while his brother joking words and expressions made Ethan’s day go by much faster, his mind remained on two…well, three things: 

how will Grayson fair without him, 

will he be a good father, 

and is he truly at a time in his life where happy ever after is real.

“Who did you operate on and why?” To say he didn’t quite expect to find Y/N rushing to the door with these kinds of questions would be an understatement of the century, but then again, she was never quite ordinary. If anything, this is what drew him to her – the quirkiness, the ambition and even the crazy glint in her eye she gets whenever surgery is even mentioned which intensifies when she’s actually in the operating room. It’s what every good surgeon has – a passion unparalleled to anything earthly and he admired how her fire burned bright and how her thirst for knowledge seemed unquenchable.

“Now I know you did not just decide to run when you’re supposed to be on bed rest.” Giving her a critical, slightly amused look, Ethan waited for her to roll her eyes at him before kissing her forehead. 

“I didn’t do any surgeries today, I was working in the clinic, but I’ll be sure to tell you every gory detail tomorrow after my triple bypass.” Pecking the tip of her nose, Ethan’s eyes dropped to her robe, noticing a hint of cleavage and he couldn’t help himself, smirking with the sight and the image of perfection hiding underneath.

“Don’t even think about it pal, not until we’re sure the blob is fine.” With a pointed, warning glare, Y/N adjusts her robe swiftly, enjoying Ethan’s groan of despair way too much.

“You really gotta stop calling our baby a blob.” Ethan drapes an arm over her shoulders, a small smile gracing his face – smile of content he long forgot could exist in his heart.

“I will when there’s something more than just a mix of DNA.” She retorted as he knew she would and he realized this would be his life – and he loved the very thought of having these silly little arguments with her even when they’re old and gray, stealing intimate moments while the kids are in the other room, being the embarrassing parents that are so in love with each other that their kids will never settle for anything less but their soulmate as well. 

He wanted that future and he was so incredibly grateful he has a chance to finally rest his head on her chest and just listen to the sound of her beating heart.

Ludic (adj.) - full of fun and high spirits

Within two weeks, Grayson confirmed the pregnancy and for once, Y/N realized life isn’t a bleak collection of painful memories but a beautiful, evolving thing that seemed to make every day a pleasure.

“That’s one strong heartbeat.” Grayson enthusiastic response made all three to cry the happiest tears one could ever shed. Hand in hand, Ethan and Y/N felt like the world was on their side and that even when they face hardships, together they will conquer them all.

The pregnancy wasn’t easy for them, especially when Y/N insisted she continued her internship till the end, pausing on residency for a while after she passed her intern exam. 

Ethan constantly reminded her to take her supplements, to rest up and eat and he often had to carry her to bed because she’d fall asleep on the ride home. He didn’t mind though, he just worried she was working too hard and he was way too happy about her residency break…even if it came at six months of pregnancy. 

If she was being completely honest, Ethan was driving her crazy all the time and sometimes it felt as if he were the one pregnant not her, but she took it all because it was a way he shows how much he loves and cares for her and she never felt so loved and cared for in her life.

He was relieved she didn’t suffer from any morning sickness or heartburn, but her night cravings were so bad he was out driving to the store almost every night and the things she ate were usually too disgusting for Ethan to watch, especially because she really liked everything his vegan ass wanted to freak out over.

“The things we do for those we love, huh bub?” He whispered at the belly, gently running his hand along where he felt the baby kick earlier. 

Ethan loved to stay up longer than Y/N and just talk to the baby, sometimes just about his day or about how he and uncle Gray made headway with the nursery or the really cute father-uncle-son outfits he found shopping online, but those moments where he believed it was just the two of them talking turned into his favorite time of day.

Y/N would hear him some nights, smiling softly into her pillow but she let him believe she was asleep but even he realized more than once she was listening in – truth is, she started snoring in the eight month, not that Ethan minded much. He truly couldn’t sleep from fear of early labor anyway.

Grayson wasn’t very happy when Y/N switched gynecologists at all. She still let him do the ultrasounds but anything else was a big no – no. Not that she could stop him from being in front of the office, yelling reminders for her actual doctor, knocking every ten seconds to ask Y/N if he can come in and most of the time she just laughed it off and Ethan appreciated her more for it. He knew if she could handle his crazy, over-involved brother, she would be able to handle anything – even the tiny Dolan in her belly that would surely drive his momma nuts down the road because Dolan men are rowdy, adventurous, headstrong and incredibly prone to accidents. 

To be fair, Ethan did warn her.

However, when labor did start, it was during one of the worst storms New York ever faced.

“Our whole relationship was a hurricane, why not crown it with a baby during an actual one too?” Y/N teased, showing no signs of worry while Ethan was a hot mess, holding her right hand and Grayson was guiding her through everything, holding her left hand.

Every time Grayson tried to see what’s happening, to make sure everything is going right, Y/N all but crushed his hand and Ethan shouted: “Stay where Y/N’s head is not the babies!”

After an eighteen-hour long labor, Hamza Cameron Dolan arrived, already loved and so, so wanted. Ethan and Grayson wept, trying not to freak out Y/N who held her son at her chest, a look of pure adoration on her face as she tried to remember every inch of Hamza’s little face.

“I think he has your jaw already. No wonder I felt something cut my cervix while he was passing through.” Giggling, she looked at Ethan – the man who had changed her views on love, on soulmates and on what it means to have someone you can count on, someone who will always hold your hand to prevent you from falling. He had taught her what it feels to really be at peace.

“Little mans is holding my finger.” Ethan cried out, making Grayson laugh through tears.

And as years went by, Grayson watched his brother’s happiness grow, his family growing as well. In seven years that passed, Y/N had become a surgeon specializing in oncology patients, though it took her a while considering she had twins three years after Hamza was born.

After a while, Grayson started withering. He truly loved his nieces and nephew, he adored Y/N and there wasn’t even an inkling of jealousy of his brother – the chief of surgery, but he did have longing. He longed for a love of his own, to have his soulmate in his arms and look into her eyes for the first time and have it all make sense.

He wanted that grey streak in his hair, the one that meant his life wasn’t an unstoppable, repeating cycle that drowned him with a people, events and emotions he could easily predict at this point. And he loves his job, always did, but something was missing and he knew it was her.

Sighing, Grayson passed Y/N in the hall, leaving a quick kiss on her cheek before continuing down the hall, realizing he’s almost late for his next appointment.

Going over the list of things he has yet to do for the day, he walked into the examination room, heading straight for the sink to wash his hands before putting on a pair of gloves. If anything, Grayson was always a firm believer in protocol concerning disinfection between patients, writing a book on it about fifty years ago that became a core for future hospital guidelines, ones still in place today.

While he went about his duties, his patient watched him intently – something he’s used to considering he’s a very handsome ‘young’ man in a sensitive part of medicine. He could feel her gaze upon him, but he just couldn’t bother with yet another flirtatious patient. While he’s usually friendly, charming and kind, Grayson tends to be a bit colder with those who want to cross the lines.

“I’m Doctor Dolan and I understand you’re here for a Pap smear?” Turning around, he looked at the patient’s already prepared position – legs spread with a cover still allowing him to see the full image of her vagina and everything he’d need to see to do his job right, however, in seconds, the woman closed her legs and gasped, sitting up frantically and only then did he make direct eye contact – no longer distracted by anything but the undeniable appearance of a silver streak in her hair right before his eyes.

“Oh my God!”

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Tags: @beinscorpio @peacedolantwins @heyits-claire @dolandolll @godlydolans @dolanstwintuesday @ethanhes @graydolan12  @zeusgrayson @libradolan @justordinaryjen @pineappledolan @graysavant @livexdolan  @shadowsndaisies @dolans4lyfe @mendesficsxbombay @fxkthatdairy @drewsstarkey 

[borusawa]

When I Was Promised Love, This Is Not What I Expected

❀ Pairings   BoruSara

❀ Rating T

❀ Beta-reader Is it too bad that I don’t know his tumblr? I truly love him if that compensates please forgive me Sean

❀ Word Count 1,933

❀ A/N It’s still the 25th in here so please don’t judge. This Soulmate AU has been sitting on my drive for so long I decided to show it to the world. I’m not very comfortable with my writing recently, hence why I’ve been barely posting but I’ll try to manage my time better so I can come back here and have my priorities straight. This is not a promise. Anyhow, I’m thankful for being part of this amazing fandom through which I met people I can’t picture my life without and I’m ready to celebrate one more BoruSara week! 

BoruSara Week Day 1

“Sarada, do you think we will ever find love?”

The vibe of the slumber party had suddenly changed when the girls started to talk about their frustrating love lives. Chocho’s words were a trigger and Sarada, even though having nothing to share about the subject in general, had made that same question to herself many times, never coming to a result.

“Maybe. We supposedly will,” she managed to answer sincerely.

During the long silent period that followed, all the girls got immersed in their own minds, including Sarada. She held back the urge to check once more the words written over her forearm in look for explanations that were impossible to reach. 

‘Will we ever find love?’ she wondered incessantly.

If they weren’t supposed to, what was the meaning of everything? She thought about her parents’ story, about how they met at a young age and the long way they went through before actually getting together. Their promised words were simple and clear: Sakura had his name on her arm and Sasuke had the sentence “what’s your name?” Meanwhile, Sarada didn’t possess the same luck, holding an unhelpful “hey” on her arm. Ever since she first learned what it meant she got frustrated; those words should be used to guide a person towards their soulmates and she couldn’t believe hers meant nothing.

‘Will I ever find love?’ she tried to settle but it was unlikely.

Every new person who greeted her with “hey” or anything in that area made her look if the golden words over her arm had turned into a black tattoo, a long-time habit that was becoming old as she progressively gave up. She had seen people finding their soulmates at events, parties, stores and even concerts she went, but her time never came and she was done waiting for it.

Maybe she would meet the love of her life but she was decided to stop looking for it. Let it happen. Maybe it would. Supposedly.

Her friends were gone in the morning and since her mom had left to work in the break of dawn Sarada was alone rather early for her liking. Although being used to it, for some reason, she felt the urge to be outside and enjoy the beautiful day that had just begun. With no purpose for staying at home, Sarada was soon at the streets, feeling the always delightful summer breeze and the warm sun rays against her skin. It felt good to be outside for once, in a way she couldn’t understand. Passing by an ice cream shop, she decided it could do no harm and went in.

Many flavors were listed on the menu and she took her time to decide; it needed to be different but tasteful and match her summer feeling. She got closer to the cashier and smiled.

“Hello! I want a pineapple ice cream.”

The attendant was a polite and slightly older man. “You’re a lucky girl! We don’t have much left, only enough for you.”

She smiled fondly, happy that they still had that flavor and that the morning was indeed so pretty. The girl had just taken her ice cream in hands when a blond boy entered, and seemed so bothered that his negative vibe made her chill. It was an instant dislike.

“Do you have pineapple ice cream?” He asked and the attendant looked at Sarada; she couldn’t do much but laugh at the situation.

“I’m sorry, that girl just took all we had left.” The man apologized.

The pair of blue eyes, that didn’t look at her once since the owner’s entrance, suddenly locked on her. He was simply pissed and Sarada would take a step back but she was no woman to run away.

"Hey! This ice-cream should mine!" He said, looking at the cone on her hands.

Sarada smirked and took a bite, laughing even more than before. "Too bad I already licked it then."

"This is not funny! My sister will be so mad at me! No other place has a pineapple flavor at all, this was my only chance." He complained in a quite aggressive tone. If Sarada didn’t like him before he said any words, she disliked him even more after.

"This is not my problem and you're being extremely unreasonable." She mimicked his tone.

He rolled his eyes. “What do you know?”

“Apparently I know how to talk to people better than you do.” 

“You say that but you’re doing the exact same thing I am.”

“Listen here. I don’t…”

It was then that they both felt a burn on their arms, right over the words Sarada stared so profusely the night before, one that made their hands go straight into it. She was scared to look but the boy in front of her did it and started to laugh right after, suddenly relaxed.

Boruto had deliberately denied telling anyone his soulmate's first words as he was the only one that could see it. He asked himself how could a person ever say such a thing in a first encounter but smiled when thinking about how unique they would be together and about what could his other half have on their arm. He never thought it could be it. The girl in front of him was pretty; even if he thought destiny was just joking when brought them together that way, he wanted to know more than her favorite ice cream flavor.

Sarada looked at him one more time before seeing the black tattoo over her arm. She took a deep breath and thought about it for a second. It was impossible to avoid your soulmate, she knew it, even when apparently there was a mistake. She would never love anyone that screams at others for no reason.

"Well, that's unusual," the attendant of the ice cream shop broke the awkward silence that had settled with a smug expression. "I've never seen soulmates fighting when they traded their first words." 

As the couple didn’t show any reaction, the man started to get uncomfortable as well. It seemed like they didn't know what to do next; everyone always talked about what happened before, about the first words and that exact moment where they found their soulmate and knew they were for life. No one ever talked about how to deal with it. 

At his constant stare, Sarada felt completely different from anything she had in life. "I can't believe that you, out of all the nice people I've met, are my…"

“For all you know, I could be really nice.”

“Or you could be terrible.” She said matter-of-factly.

“To be fair you can also be really terrible. If that’s the case then we can be terrible together and scare little kids in public spaces.” A smug grin grew on his face; Sarada knew he was proud.

“Yeah, I’m thinking no… But thanks.” She held back her own smile.

Boruto chuckled and walked away, closer to the booths in the back of the shop, followed by a confused and kinda mad Sarada. “I’m Boruto by the way. You?”

With narrowed eyes, she slowly enounced her name. “Sarada.”

He turned away and sat, waiting for her to sit across. “I think we began in the wrong way.”

“Oh, you think?” Sarada wondered if that was the time to use her self defense skills and kick his snob ass to space, however, something about his smile of the way he moved his hair away from his face made her stay still and appreciate it.

"Sarada… Your name is Sarada right?” She tried to glare him but whenever she looked at his direction a blush spread itself all over her face. He was it. He was her long-awaited love. And he was a jerk.

“What.”

“Don’t be mad at me,” Boruto said, smirking. “It’s none of our faults that fate wants us together.”

Sarada crossed her arms. “Does fate have a customer attendance service? I want to file a complaint.”

“We’ll have a long time in our lives for you to complain about it as much as you want.” He looked to the other side. "I'm sorry for screaming at you."

"It was extremely uncalled for."

"I’m not just a rude person, I swear. My sister is sick so she can't leave the house. It's kinda stressful but, since it's summer, I just wanted to sneak in some ice cream to her and I know pineapple is her favorite. I think I went too far." 

"You did. Nonetheless, if that was the case you're forgiven." 

Boruto lightly took her arm from over the table and checked the single word on it. His smile made her blush.

“I always wondered what my words to my soulmate would be and I cannot believe that it’s only 'hey'." Boruto grinned while he showed his extended left arm for her. "I wanted to know how you'd be like. Those are bold words, the kind of thing you listen once or twice in a lifetime, if ever." Sarada could read ‘too bad I already licked it then’ written in black over his arm and she immediately got red all over. It was not a great sentence, she should've shut her mouth. Seeing her reaction he retrieved his arm. "Well, it could be worse. You were just talking about ice cream. Which by the way we should probably take another one for you." He pointed at her long-forgotten pineapple-flavored ice-cream that splashed against the floor.

Sarada denied his offer but he asked for a coconut ice cream himself. She watched as Boruto called his sister saying he would be late and explaining the situation and overheard the screaming answer he got. Truth to be told, Sarada had never felt so vulnerable. He was just a random guy that all of a sudden had a lifetime promise by her side. As Boruto looked inside her eyes she felt like he could read her thoughts. She couldn’t understand why she wanted to stare deep in his blue eyes for the rest of her life. Maybe she wasn’t supposed to understand the way he had such an effect on her, even when rationally he was not on her good side. When he finished his ice cream they got up and walked towards the door in silence.

She fidgeted her dress, looked everywhere else but him. Words were trying to escape her throat as she walked nervously through the streets. In a deep breath, she let it go. “Do we really need to get together now? We barely know each other.”

He chuckled. “No. Destiny is not decided for us. It’s entirely our choice as to if we want to follow this path. We were only given an option. I understand if you want to walk away.” He casually said.

Sarada stopped on the spot and her sight suddenly couldn’t leave him. After all his positiveness towards the situation, she was afraid he was backing out on them or in what they could be because of how she placed her words. However, when he took both her hands, blue eyes captivating and blond hair slight hovering over her face she couldn’t help but think if that was how having a soulmate felt. It felt like coming home after the storm, relieving and warm, safe and comfortable. His smell intoxicated her nostrils while his hand carefully interlaced their fingers. Only then she noticed that the important part was not the first words like she grew to believe, it was what happened next.

“But if we have this chance, I'd like to try,” Boruto whispered.