#dems need to wake the fuck up and make sure a different persons gets the nomination

[allthebestcowgirls]

when i think about the people who are still trying to push for voting for biden i get sooooo fucking angry it like makes my blood boil. fuck everyone who votes for any politician who isn't calling for a ceasefire. fuck anyone who votes for a politician supporting genocide. the system is soooo fucked any way u slice it but we still have a tiny bit of power to not allow these people in office again

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Any hc for (non)binary brothers

You mean like...headcanons for their relationship/Demetri and Eli in general? Sure, I’ll take a stab at this! I have a bunch of miscellaneous headcanons for them anyways and have been looking for a place to put them, may as well post them here.

Fair warning that this is a bit of a disorganized mishmash of stuff I’ve thought up for them myself, headcanons I’ve seen others in the fandom make for them, and tropes that I’ve seen in fanfic that I really liked, so I kinda stole them to add to my own personal headcanon XD I may not be able to source all of them if asked...some of them I’m like “I genuinely don’t remember where I saw that, but I HELLA liked it” lol

~Demetri is like...RIDICULOUSLY good at coding. Eli is good at it too, but Demetri basically singlehandedly carried that coding competition they won. It was really more of a 70-30 effort, but Demetri consistently gives Eli 50% of the credit to try and help him feel good about himself and his capabilities. Demetri knows he did a bit more work than Eli, but he’s never once brought it up and he doesn’t plan to.

~Demetri looooooves cats. Like...the pretentiousness? The heightened sense of self-importance? The way they’re kinda misunderstood and often disliked because they can be mean, and don’t always show affection in the way people expect? The general air of annoyance and disdain they give off??? Demetri’s just like “yep, this is my animal right here.” XD Demetri doesn’t DISLIKE dogs, but he finds they can be a bit much sometimes, and likes that cats do their own thing a lot of the time.

~After getting the Hawk moniker, Eli lowkey got SUPER into hawks and birds of prey in general. Like he started watching documentaries on them and everything, and gushing to Demetri about how badass he thought they were. It even kinda verges into special interest territory (since Hawk/Eli is canonically probably autistic), although it’s not as all-consuming as some of his other ones. Back when he and Demetri are still on good terms, in the early days of “Hawk,” Eli rambles to Demetri about hawks and other “badass” birds a LOT when they’re hanging out. Eli only does this when he’s alone with Demetri because he’s a little scared to show THAT level of enthusiasm to anyone else, considering he’s trying to be a “tough guy” now. Demetri he still feels he can essentially be all of himself with, though. Demetri finds this new raptor obsession kind of hilarious but also kind of endearing.

~Demetri has a single mom who is lowkey overprotective and ends up coddling and sheltering him a lot. Demetri’s dad left when he was little, and his mom can be a bit overbearing because Dem is all she has left of his dad, in a sense. Because of this, Demetri definitely did NOT tell his mom Eli was the one who broke his arm. He said it was “some goon” from Cobra Kai, and said Eli wasn’t even there among the group that day. He knew if his mom knew Eli broke his arm, she would NEVER let Eli near him again, and would probably get a restraining order and possibly press charges. And Demetri just...REFUSES to give up on Eli, even after everything. He figures Kreese’s brainwashing and Kyler being in Cobra Kai are already putting Eli through a special kind of hell, and he wants to protect him from having even MORE things to deal with--in this case, the wrath of Demetri’s mom. And she never finds out Eli broke his arm--Demetri takes it to the grave.

~A little while after the Christmas party, Demetri and Eli resume their weekly sleepovers and try to make up for lost time. They decide not to pull out Eli’s Waterbed from storage, considering they both have pretty unpleasant associations with the waterbed after the incident at Moon’s party. They end up just sharing Demetri’s bed, like they used to when they were little and it wasn’t “weird” yet for two boys to sleep in the same bed. Maybe it’s weird now, but they figure as long as Demetri’s mom doesn’t blab to their friends or something that they’re sharing a bed, then it’s cool. Neither has any issue at all with sharing a bed, although they caaaaaan’t quite put their finger on why that is XD

~Eli actually gets nightmares about the laser tag arm incident more often than Demetri does. The fight will play out in a thousand different ways, but it always ends the same--with Eli pinning Demetri down and snapping his arm. Worse, sometimes he’ll have dreams that he’s beating up Brucks again, and then Brucks will slowly morph into Demetri, but Eli won’t be able to stop punching. He frequently wakes up panicking and screaming and crying during his and Demetri’s sleepovers, and Demetri just holds him and sooths him and wipes his tears off and reassures him that he knows Eli’s never going to hurt him again. 

~I actually imagine it’s on a night like one of these that they first get together--Eli wakes up from another nightmare, and Demetri is just hugging him really close and trying to reassure him, and at some point, Demetri just...impulsively leans in and kisses him. They both get super flustered for a second, and then Eli leans in and kisses Demetri super fiercely and before they know it, they’re making out like there’s no tomorrow. When they have to stop for breath, they admit they’ve always liked each other and just weren’t really sure how to say it. They spoon for the rest of the night, and are pretty much officially dating after that, although they’re kinda anxious about what people will think, so they keep it on the DL at first.

~Demetri has bad dreams too, but his are usually current--e.g. Eli reveals it was All An Act and he’s been spying for Cobra Kai, and doesn’t actually give a shit about Demetri. When Demetri wakes up from these at their sleepovers, he often can’t help but shake Eli awake, and rattle off a bunch of paranoid questions--”You actually like me, right? You actually wanted to be friends again, right? You don’t think I’m annoying? You don’t secretly hate me, after everything?” And this always kind of alarms Eli at first, because of how...out-of-character it is for Demetri to be that self-conscious about what people think about him, and for him to actally...well...care if people think he’s annoying XD But after a little bit Eli just puts his hand on Demetri’s shoulders and says “Demetri, I promise I want you back in my life.” And this is usually enough to calm Demetri down, because he knows it’s genuine, just like Eli’s apology at the Christmas party was.

~Eli is really, really terrified of hurting Demetri again. Sometimes Eli gets panic attacks when he and Demetri are sparring and he hits Demetri a little too hard. Demetri’s kind of come up with a “signal” for Daniel to indicate he and Eli need to take a break. Once Daniel figures out the situation, he’s more than happy to oblige. Demetri always helps Eli through his panic attacks and reassures him that he trusts him with his life now, no matter what happened before. 

~When Johnny finds out about this, he’s actually...way more understanding than anyone expects him to be, because Kreese traumatized him when he was young, too. He just kind of sighs like “Yeah, Kreese made me do some fucked up shit too, back in the day. He’s a bastard like that. You take a 10 whenever the hell you need, Hawk.” And honestly? Demetri lowkey loves Johnny for this. This may be the turning point that finally causes Demetri to view Johnny Lawrence with something other than mild to moderate disdain XD

~Demetri often makes a point of kissing Eli’s scar and telling him he thinks it’s beautiful. Hella corny, I know, but god knows Eli needs it. He kisses it in front of their friends, too, as kind of a way to reassure Eli “hey, I’m proud to be with you in your entirety, and I’m not at all ashamed of that aspect of you, even if you still are.” Eli definitely appreciates this, but he pretends he’s embarrassed by it and will often fall into a blushing, flustered mess when Demetri kisses his scar XD

I think that’s all I’ve got for now!!! I’ll post more later if I think of them!!!

[aestheticsuwu]

🌌🕹°Time Travel is a Bitch 🕹°🌌

Part 1 / 2

Time travel au . Pairings : Sam LaRusso x Miguel Diaz, Robby Keene x Doug Rickenberger, Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz x Demetri .

....

A snippet how one mohawk teenager manages to time travel with unwilling friends to a time where both senseis were pining from a distance , now the thing was they now have to manage how to survive-only good thing they all get to meet Mr Miyagi but unfortunately for the old man has to undure chaotic kids .

......

Wtf

Was exactly what was on eveyones mind . They were all having a normal day at the dojo , everyone with their signaficent other just fooling aroud and conversating .

Then suddenly , Poof .

...... ....

Sam and Miguel were teaching each other new moves with a flirty banter , Tory was letting Moon braid her hair while adding adorable pins . Hawk was rummaging through the boxes of Mr. Larusso and Mr. Myagi with Demetri .

While he was laying back  in between Dougs legs and skimmy through the pages of Mr. Larusso yearbook  .

" She looks hot "

Turning to glare at his dumb giraffe of a boyfriend that has no right to be looking at other people while he has a whole snack on his lap .

" Damn . "

" Dougie , Im this close to hitting you with this damn book .  " He wasn't kidding .

" Im sorry , baby . " Rolling his eye and pouting after hearing Doug chuckle .

" Give me a kiss . Robby , Robby . You know your the only one i want , pretty boy . Give me a kiss . "

" Ok " Turning around to kiss him , because hey ! , he's human after all and he lives off of affection now.

Everyone was to busy in their own little bubble that they didn't hear Demetri telling Hawk to stop .

" Eli , i think we should leave that alone . "

" Dem , dont worry . I got it under control just because the warning said not to- uh oh . "

" Eli ! "

" Whats going on guys ? "

Miguel rushed after hearing Demetri , Sam walking behind him to see what had happened .

" Nothing , right Dem ? "

" uhhh .... Yeah.  i was just overreacting like always "  Elbowing his boyfriend for making him lie , He was already feeling guilty . Demetri just hoped there wouldn't be consequences. 

You see in that moment they should've confronted the situation throughly. Knowing Godamn Eli Moskowitz was a crazy chaoctic dude that was never up to no good .

Especially after Hawk had made up that tazer tag game dragging Doug into the mess .

But they all turned a blind eye . Why ? Well because they needed the peace and quiet .

Hawk didn't quite get the assignment .

Moon and Tory left after saying they had a date planned for the afternoon . They left hand in hand looking in love as ever .

Doug was helping him get up from the floor when suddenly everything started to shake and if it wasnt for his boyfriend he would've ended up on the floor .

" What the hell is going on ! " , He shouted , wrapping his arms around Doug while the lights flickered .

 

Sam and Miguel were holding hands while trying to maintain balance over the turbulance of the floor .

" Shit , shit , shit shit ." Demtri kept chanting over and over . Alongside Hawk who was looking at Demetri as he hold onto a box .

It didnt help their case when Hawk opened his mouth , being the last thing they all heard.

" Were about to die , no cap fam ! "

Suddenly it all turn black .

..... ...... ....

Robby didn't like to point fingers but he's totally going to since he had a feeling it was Hawks fault .

Waking up felt like the worst hangover he ever had while he had to look at his surrondings . It was dark and no sign of no one .

Furrowing his eyebrows , confused at the sudden change of location.  He rubbed his temples to ease the headache , He starts calling out to his boyfriend .

Because well Sam and Demetri would look for their boyfriend . If not , then he was a really bad friend .

" Doug ! , Doug ! Rickenberger ! "  He was met with silence . Reaching his pocket to call his Doug and his friends but it was nowhere to be found .

He swore that if they were pranking him right now he would kick their asses .

Turning around quickly once hearing someone call his name but couldn't find the person .

" Keene ! "  He knew that voice ! Running towards the silhouette , hoping it was his boyfriend and not a stranger that he was about to jump on .

Crashing to his boyfriends body holding on tight , he feels the other arms squeeze him while he gave him kisses on his hair .

Both sighing of relief , until Doug pushed him away to look at him .

" Where the fuck were you !? " The taller boy asked , slightly raising his voice . He was scared for a moment thinking he had lost his short boyfriend .

" I was here ? Where were you ? Where's the rest of the guys !? .  " A look of panic crosses his face realising none of his friends were around . Doug dismissed his questions and took a hold of his hand taking him somewhere.

The rest of the group was outside of a dinner that he never seen before . Somehow they all looked different . Sam no longer had highlights and Hawks Mohawk was gone and no hint of hairdye in his auburn hair .

They all looked shaken up like they all seen a ghost . Catching his breath as Demetri passes him a newspaper . Everyone waiting for him to read , guess they forgot about his dyslexic ass .

Headlines with a bunch of shit he clearly didnt have time for , something about a mall's grand opening and Coke raising up sells but what made him feel like hhis lungs stopped was the date .  Nowhere near 2021 that was for sure .

Ring of bells rang once the door from the Dinner had opened . Laughter coming from the direction of a group of teenagers wearing red leathered jackets just mocking them .

Were fucked .

Oh god , they always had to deal with his dad and Mr. LaRusso pining now they have to deal with their teenage pining . He couldnt catch a break .

" We're Fucked . "

" And not in a good way ." They all turn to glare at Hawk after the words left from his mouth .

[iknowthekoolaidflavor]

Surrexit lingua vestra cattus

Thomas appears to be a friend, but he is a demon after all.

Pairing: demon!Thomas x reader

Word count: Abt 2k

A/N: The translations came from Google, so by any means, please correct my Latin. My idea for demons and their jobs is loosely based on Supernatural because I miss it so much 😭

Take Latin, they said.

It will be fun, they said.

As a senior, you thought taking a language class would somehow lighten your stressful workload, and you were wrong. Latin kicked your ass every single week.

“Why didn’t I take Spanish?”, you groaned, dropping your head on the desk

The dorm room was empty, save for the stressed-out senior studying for finals. Your roommate, the English major, breezed through all their courses with flying colors. Avery was a natural when it came to writing and criticizing your essays. They were sure to graduate at the top of the class. Y/N, on the other hand, struggled to conjugate daily activities in past tense. College may not have been too much of a stressor in life, but this semester has fucked you over in more ways than one. All you wanted to do was graduate on time and that meant for the next two semesters you had to take 18 credits.

With the final tomorrow, you knew relearning the information was a lost cause.

Can I go home and tell mom I failed? I will never hear the end of it.

I’ll have to sit through another lecture about switching majors.

The wayward thoughts took over, filling your head with how disappointed your family will be. You wrapped your arms around yourself, head dropped to your knees when you heard something hit the floor. To your left, a book managed to fall off the bookshelf, landing on its spine.

You took your time getting the open book off the floor and reading the bookmarked page. Who would have thought your precious roommate would also be interested in demonology? The page was in English except for one paragraph at the bottom written in Latin. You read it to yourself, wincing at your terrible pronunciation.

“I guess demons aren’t real after all”, you laughed to yourself as you placed the book back on the shelf

You turned on your heel, then ran into something solid.

“Who told you demons weren’t real, sweetheart?”

The figure braced himself for the scream that escaped your lips. It happened from time to time. Someone thought demon summoning was a joke, he showed up, then boom instant nightmare. The demon towered over you. He appeared to be in his thirties. The wild, but neat curls framing his face were enough to cover the bottom of his horns. He stared down at you with his pitch-black eyes, bored with your screams.

“Are you done yet?”, he scoffed, “I’m not that bad”

“You’re a demon”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing. I’m no longer disgusted in the presence of humans…although I should be. Just gross and full of emotions”

The demon walked around your small dorm, looking the at the bookshelf before his eyes landed on the book you just put away. He immediately perked up and pulled it off the shelf.

“I can’t believe they still make copies of these. Are you a fan of mine?”, he stared at you with a suggestive quirk of his brow

“It’s not my book, and why would I be a fan of you?”

“Sure, it isn’t. It’s also my book. Had to get the word out somehow”

“Everything is already stressing me out. Why would I want to add a demon to the mix?”, you hissed

“To make your life less stressful. That is what we’re here for”

“A demon just steps in, makes your life better at no cost at all?”

The demon smirked as he took a seat on your roommate’s desk. He remained composed during your interrogation. Typically, the deals were quick. Everyone knew what they wanted, and he set the nonnegotiable price for their demands. This might take a little longer, but he was up for the challenge.

“You have a point. Nothing is free, sweetheart”

“Don’t call me that”

“Don’t call me demon”

“Aren’t you a demon?”

He paused for a moment, opening his mouth for a smart remark, yet it never came. A soft laugh came in its wake.

“Thomas. You can call me Thomas”

The name put you at ease, but only for a little while. You sighed as you sat on your bed, picking up your Latin notes again.

“…and you are?”

“A human that doesn’t need your help. Nothing is worth risking a deal with a dem—you. I can’t risk that”

“There’s nothing I can help you with?”

“No”, you stated with as much firmness you could muster. The room felt slightly warmer since Satan’s spawn appeared out of nowhere.

“Not even your Latin homework?”, Thomas grinned, watching your faux hostility crumble. He knew you needed his help, but he did not mind waiting for you to ask nicely.

“I’m studying for a final and no, you can’t”

“I’ve lived for over three centuries. I think I’ve picked up more than enough Latin in my lifetime. Why do you think it’s all in my book?”

“Why would I want your help?”

“Because you’ll fail without me”

“No, I won’t. Maybe. Who cares? I don’t need your help”

“Well”, he sighed as he stepped off the bed, “te visurum”

Thomas’s hand touched the doorknob. How bad can it be? Why is he willing to help you? If he apparated in your room, why did he need to use the door?

“For dramatic effect. Do you want my help or not? I know a trick or two to help you study”, he reasoned, aware that you were already screaming yes

“Fine, but this is time for studying. I don’t need any distractions”

Thomas was indeed a distraction.

He stopped after every three phrases to ask you about your studies, hometown, and why you summoned him in the first place. You did not strike him as the type of person to summon a demon unless they were desperate.

The space between the two of you were sparse. The longer he stayed, the warmer it felt. The thermostat in the room remained untouched since he arrived. For some reason, you felt your body warming up the longer he stayed around you. You sat up on the bed with your laptop in front of you, attempting to put some space between you. Thomas laid on his side, holding himself up with his elbow. Every time his horn brushed against your arm; your skin tingled, sending small trembles to places in your body you did not want to speak about.

“Do demons have tails too?”

“Does it look like I have a tail?”

“You have black eyes and eyes, I wouldn’t put it past you”, you smirked, “Don’t get an attitude with me, blame the internet”

“I can’t do anything about the internet taking artistic liberties for what we look like, but some of it is erroneous. Don’t need a tail or wings”

“What about your horns? What’s their purpose?”

Thomas grew silent. He never wondered why he needed his horns, dark eyes, or claws. They were just there. They were a part of him. It made people fear him whenever they crossed paths and easier to get what he wanted without threatening violence. Although he loved the latter, it made his life much easier. It did not take much for him to intimidate the strongest of men, but you seemed different. Besides the initial reaction, it appeared that there’s no part of you that feared him. If no one knew who he was, one would think you were talking to another human.

“Did I offend you or something?”, you asked, finally looking up from your notebook

“No”, Thomas blinked, “Not at all. It’s going to take more than that to offend me…”

“I’m still not giving you my name and I like a challenge”

Little did you know, so did he.  

“I’ve been living amongst demons for so long, I forgot that humans aren’t used to our appearance. It got pretty lonely down there, then I came here and not much changed”

“I’m sure you’ll find someone who won’t scream for the hills when they see you”, you giggled

“I may have found one already”, Thomas replied with a devious smirk, “I’m going to give you a little push. There’s no way you’re passing this class…”

Trying to look offended was no use. You knew you were not going to pass either, regardless if Thomas helped you or not. This was a lost cause, and you were back where you started. Thomas pulled himself off the bed, collecting his coat and fixing his hair.

“There is another way I can help you, darling”

You closed your laptop and notebook, moving to the edge of the mattress.

“I’m not making a deal with you”

“You don’t have to. I’ll help you pass, and you’ll give me nothing in return”

“Why?”

“Do you know how often college students ask me for penis enlargement? Not help with studying. Not passing a class or paying for tuition. But you? You’re different. I like you, which is why this one’s on me”

“You’re going to help me…for free?”

“I only want to help”, he said, offering up his hands in mock surrender, “Next time, you’ll know when you’re summoning a demon. Do you know how much danger you put yourself in? Also, I’ll be happy to know you passed that final because you’re bound to fail”

“Gee, thanks”

If he helps you pass, he may come back and renege on his offer. There is probably some fine print that says you will belong to him for all of eternity. On the other hand, no more nagging from your mother about your major.

“Fine, I accept”, you agree as you moved to shake his hand

“Oh sweetheart”, Thomas laughed, “You naïve little thing. You really are new to this. That’s not how we seal the deal”

Thomas took a step forward, stepping in between your legs. In that moment, you became painfully aware of the dampness between your thighs.

“A quick kiss, then we’re all done”

You allowed him to move closer. He placed his hands against your cheeks as he placed a soft kiss on your lips. Thomas took his time kissing you, nails ghosting above your collar bone. The gasp that escaped gave him space to slide his tongue in your mouth. You found your hands tangled in his shirt, trying to pull him closer. Thomas happily obliged, placing his hands on the mattress, giving you the chance to wrap your arms around his neck.

Thomas’s hands inched up your shirts as he left rough kisses on your neck. The moan you released when he bit down on the flesh made him weak. His fingers wrapped around your hair and gave a slight tug. When your eyes rolled to the back of your head, he pulled harder, trying to hold himself up with his cock pressed into your thigh. You became so pliant in a matter of moments. This was all he wanted.

Before his hands could reach your bra, the faint sound of keys rang from the other side of the door. Panicked, you pushed Thomas off you.

“See you soon Y/N”, he winked before disappearing

Avery walked in as you were picking their book off the floor. You were quickly pulling your shirt down and trying to fix your hair.

“Told you the book was good”, they smirked

“Can I borrow it for a little longer?”

“Sure”

The next morning you woke up with last night as a distant memory. You quizzed yourself on past and present tense while you showered and focused on your phrases as you got dressed. You knew you were going to pass, something about today just felt right.

You stepped out your dormitory and headed to class. Across the yard, one of your classmates called out to you.

“Y/L/N, want to walk together?”

There was no reason to say no, but when you opened your mouth to say yes, nothing came out. You tried over and over, but each time, your mouth moved, your voice failed to follow suit. You stood in the middle of the yard. Everything felt like it moved in slow motion. Thomas took something valuable to you, and you were none the wiser to his game.

You yanked the demon book from your backpack, intent on summoning the very demon you now despise. In the middle of the cover was a sticky note with a message that made your blood boil.

Quid est? Surrexit lingua vestra cattus

 te visurum - see you later

Quid est? Surrexit lingua vestra cattus - What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?

[hikaridemina]

*Quietly tucks this into the corner* I really want to keep making OC x canon snippets but my confidence wavers. Oh well.

This turned out way more sad than originally intended.

Warnings/tags: Angst, swearing, OC x Canon, OOC

-----

A dim ray of sunlight shone through the darkened bedroom from between the curtains. Fizz’s eyelids fluttered open with the light shining in his vision, his eyes steadily gaining a green glow as they powered back on. He turned over on his side in the bed and was now facing the bat demon sleeping soundly beside him.

He was the first one awake apparently, which was... new. Normally Demina was the one waking him up at the ass crack of dawn, so she must have been exhausted to still be asleep. Well, after what they had done late into the night, it wasn’t too much of a surprise. A sly smile crept over the jester’s face as he thought about it.

After a little while, he carefully slid out of the bed, trying very hard not to wake her up. He seemed to have succeeded, and with the utmost care he grabbed the edge of the blanket and pulled it up to cover her shoulders. He then made his way over to the bathroom, stepping around both of their articles of clothing, including his trademark outfit, that were strewn about on the floor.

He flicked on the light switch as he entered and leaned on the vanity counter to look at the mirror. A frown appeared on his face as he tapped on the shiny piece of metal that started from where his collar bone would be, then extended all the way up to the middle of his neck. The posture collar had a fancy heart engraved on the front, and was a shiny silver which contrasted with the off-white of his torso.

The thing wouldn’t bother him so much if it didn’t stick out like a goddamn sore thumb, but at least it was relatively hidden while he had his clothing on.

Or maybe it wasn’t the collar itself that bothered him, but the reason why it was there. He had gotten careless, let his guard down for a few seconds and it put him out of commission long enough for Demina’s life to be thrown into danger. Luckily, she had managed to get herself out of it before any real harm had happened to her, but...

Still. That event continued to haunt him no matter how hard he tried to push it from his memory, and this fucking collar did nothing else but remind him of it. Well, aside from holding his upper chest together and keeping his head attached. Honestly, he rather would have gone through the long-term repairs for that instead of this ‘quick fix’ they did on him while he was offline. He let out a sigh as he kept staring into the mirror.

Damn, feeling sad sucked. Who knew that actually, genuinely, caring for someone else would make things so complicated.

His attention was then immediately drawn to the person who just had stepped into the doorway behind him, whom appeared to have put on a black t-shirt and shorts after having gotten out of bed. He quickly turned around and forced a toothy grin as he leaned back on the counter.

“Hey Dems! Finally decided to get up, huh?”

“Yeah...” The bat let out a yawn, “What are you doing in the bathroom?”

“... Uhh.” He didn’t know how to answer that, actually. “Just, you know... things.”

Fuck. That was such a Blitzo answer.

She picked up on the awkwardness right away, especially with that fake grin of his, which she was sure if it got any wider his face would probably get stuck like that. She raised a brow at him.

Another thing that sucked was when someone else cared just as much about you and could tell when you were full of shit.

Fizz then froze completely as she walked up to him and placed a hand on his chest.

“It’s the collar, isn’t it?” She said while keeping her gaze down, running her thumb over the heart-shaped engraving.

How the heck did she know? He had never voiced to her how he really felt about it... Maybe she was just too good at figuring these things out.

“Now I know what you’re gonna say...” He gently grabbed hold of her hand to move it from his chest, his fingers lacing between hers.

“You don’t need to feel sorry for it.”

She kept her gaze down, her hand now squeezing his a bit.

“But you got hurt.”

“Well robots can’t really get hurt, so-”

He was taken aback as she shot a piercing glare up at him. Through her angry expression he could spot her bottom lip quivering, along with the dew forming in her eyes telling a completely different reaction.

She threw her other arm over around his shoulders and nestled her face into his neck.

"That's not what I fucking mean..." She took in a shaky breath to try to keep her voice from cracking, but it didn't do much.

"I know you think you can just keep getting into shit, getting fixed over and over again until one day..."

She couldn't hold it back anymore as steady streams began to flow down her face. Fuck, how did it get to this point so quickly.

"I had to-" her voice hiccupped mid-sentence and she had to gulp down her breath before continuing, "I had to fucking see you on the ground with your eyes all black, you didn't answer when I called you, you didn't move, I thought you were... Gone."

For once the jester was speechless. He had no witty remarks, no comebacks, no smartass-ness. All he could do in that moment was stand there motionless as his girlfriend hung on to him, while he continued to clutch her hand like he was never going to let go.

"Dems..."

If he could be crying himself right now, he would be. This entire time he had thought she had gotten out of that terrifying situation unscathed, but it was now apparent that wasn't the case. His free arm coiled around her waist to pull her closer into the hug.

"I... I'm sorry, okay? I couldn't let those bastards get away with trying to hurt you-"

"But you didn't have to chase them!" She interrupted him, her breath hitching again as she had to breathe through her mouth.

"We could have just ran away! We could have got away together and everything would have been fine!"

She unintentionally let out a sob as she buried her face in his shoulder, her large ears folding flat. God, she was such a mess, and now she also felt bad for practically yelling at him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to be such a bitch..."

"N-No you're not bbbeing a bitch!"

Wait, did his voice just glitch out? God fucking dammit that was supposed to have been fixed. He nuzzled the side of her face.

"I'll be more careful from now on, for you."

Demina sniffled as she wiped her face on her arm. She was finally starting to calm down.

"You have to promise, and not just for me either."

"Alright. I, Fizzarolli, promise to stop being a dumbass and scaring his girlfriend."

He smiled at the exasperated sigh he received in response from the bat still nuzzled into his shoulder.

"Stupid fucking clown." She muttered just loud enough for him to hear, a smile also having formed on her face.

"Crazy ass bat." He said playfully in return.

She moved back a bit so she could look up at him, unable to hide her smile.

"How am I crazy?"

"For crying over the stupid fucking clown."

Their smiles widened as they both leaned in to connect for a kiss. The soft moment felt good after the emotional rollercoaster they had just been through.

After the kiss, Demina let go of Fizz's hand and motioned for him to let go of her as well.

"Okay I'm gonna have to kick you out of the bathroom now."

"Oh woe is me."

He unraveled his arm from around her waist, but didn't budge from his spot in front of the vanity as he grinned at her.

"What if I wanted to stay?"

"You are not staying in here when I need it."

"Aww, you never know, I could be into that."

"Ew."

She promptly used one of her wings to push him out before slamming the door shut behind him, whilst he did that wicked chuckle of his that he does every time he acts like a little shit.

At least that unexpected morning drama was over with and he felt pretty much back to normal.

He noticed the clothes that were on the floor had been picked up and put in the laundry basket, with the exception of his jester attire which instead had been laid out at the end of the bed.

He had a different idea though and made a beeline for the closet, sliding the door open to take out a faded violet hoodie. With some effort he managed to slip it over his head, pulling it down over his body. He held his jester ears down in front of himself as he put the hood up and pulled the string to keep it in place.

Now he was perfectly content.

Fizz then moved into the living room to sit on the couch. Moments later, Demina entered the room as well and began to gather her wallet and keys.

"So I have to get some things from the store, you can come along if you want... to..."

She stopped and stared at her boyfriend sitting on the couch wearing her hoodie, which was fine, except there was something missing.

"Where's your pants?"

He shrugged in response.

"Didn't think I needed them."

"Oh for fuck's sake," she rolled her eyes as she went back into the bedroom, a few seconds later returning with his black and white striped pants in hand.

He gave her that shit-eating grin again.

"If it was for fuck's sake, I'd leave 'em offPFT-"

She had thrown the pants over his face.

Yeah, everything was back to normal, alright.

[toonstarterz]

BECAUSE I’M NOT POPULAR, I’LL READ WATAMOTE: CHAPTER #167

Hey, I’m not dead!

Yeah, sorry that took a while. Had a lot of real-life shit to work through, honestly. In any case, I finally sat my butt down to really crack down on yet another fun-tastical chapter. Tomoko’s actually doing what a lot of quasi-incel degenerates are afraid to do in high school and is taking an actual stab at self-improvement. Will karma rear its ugly head, or is the series now beyond that point?

Chapter 167: Because I’m Not Popular, I’ll Spend My Time Wisely unlike me

This is a really pretty shot and...that’s about it. Real pretty. 

Oh dear! The friendship disease has disrupted Tomoko’s gremlin-like body clock and has her waking up early like a healthy human being!

Reminds of that one Gintama episode. You know, that one with Kagura and the sick kid and you don’t care, do you?

I know Japan prides itself on its cheap, quality goods, but Tomoko is a real penny-pincher, eh? Well, she’s a Gen Zer, so I can’t complain.

Not sure if this makes me sound like a perv or whatever, but hot damn, the detail on this model is stupidly good. I mean, just look at the patterning on that bra. You can really tell when Ikko’s really getting into the art.

They’re really milking the armpit fetish, aren’t they?

Tomoko...sweetie...my girl...

You don’t even have a dick. I mean, sure, you could find it fascinating from a purely educational, not-applicable-to-you perspective. And yeah, I suppose it could be useful if you were to start a sexual relationship with a noncanonical male. But to be honest, I can’t help but take it as more signs of your gender dysphoria here. 

I mean, hey, whatever floats your boat.  

Well, they say kids learn more about practical knowledge out in the real world than in school, don’t they? 

Then again, coughgoogleitcough.

I always thought Tomoko was just having some kind of psychosomatic experience when she talks about being de-energized from a lack of sexual stimulation. 

Now I’m inches from calling that shit an actual, physiological withdrawal.

Ah, the good ol’ days. Back when future prospects felt like a lifetime away and you could spend days on end dicking around, lamenting the need to get serious, and disregarding your resolve right after because you secretly didn’t really care.

...I gotta stop projecting.

Despite Tomoko proving time and again that she can be a crass-hole with a negative outlook on life, it’s when she does childish things like laying your head on your arm when studying and cuddling her plushies that her innocent side pops up and you realize that Tomoko’s a legitimate cutie. 

Fake-smoking? Tomoko, stop! If you keep this up, you’ll turn from a deconstruction of a cute, moe girl to becoming an actual cute, moe girl.

I only just noticed that Tomoko’s wearing a “happy” shirt. Remember when she was sporting the “alone” shirt back in year one? Even her clothes get character development.

Oh, shit. Your girl Yuu-chan talking this whole cram school thing seriously even though she’s at a disadvantage. You see, this is why Yuu is literally the best. Despite being at the “top” of the school clique food chain, she has not once ever felt like “bottomfeeders” like Tomoko and Komi were below her in any way. Sure, she knows they’re weirdos, but she makes those acknowledgments without judgement, and all while putting herself on the same leveling field. She doesn’t love them ironically–she loves them sincerely, and that’s why Yuu is awesome. 

Sorry if this turned into a ramble, but Yuu only gets like, one panel of dialogue nowadays and I wanted to make the most of it. 

Tomoko be raising that “phone-call” flag like a motherfucking chad. 

...

...

...

Oh, sorry. I saw Yuri with her hair down and lost track of time.

...

...

...

Damn, Yuri’s pretty.

Black leggings at home? That’s exactly the kind of conservative attire Yuri would wear and only Yuri could look amazing in. Seriously, If Ikko hadn’t become a manga artist, she would have made a damn fine fashion designer.

And Tomoko be crushing that “home-visit” flag like a motherfucking chode.

I could make a pretty tasteless joke about how “haha, Yuri will never look at you like you’re trash like she does at Tomoko,” but, 

a. it’s just the angle of the smartphone like Yuri said, and

b. you’d probably prefer to get denied like that, wouldn’t you?

I can’t help but wonder if Tomoko realizes just how homoerotic she sounds. Like, does she have any inclination that her borderline-sexual harassment jokes could easily be misconstrued as flirting? Sure, she might be using the old excuse that “we’re both girls, so it’s fine right?”, but given that Tomoko at least knows about LGBTQ+, you’d think it would have at least crossed her mind.

Or maybe, on a sadder note, Tomoko doesn’t see it as flirting because she really does have zero faith in her own attractiveness...  

There is no heterosexual reason for this exchange whatsoever.

Alright, so I’m a dude, so...hell do I know. But do girls typically not wear bras when just lounging around the house? I know Tomoko is the kind to just wear tank tops if she can help it, but I always thought that was a characterization unique to her, and that other girls wear bras for the comfort and support like any other undergarment. I mean, sure, Yuri’s kind of reserved, but I wouldn’t think wearing a bra at home would be considered an oddity, yeah? I ask this out of genuine curiosity, but I’ll stop before it gets too creepy.

Side note, you can officially tell when Yuri gets pissed by her nose crinkles.

I could give a long, analytical spiel about why Yuri didn’t give Tomoko a straight answer and speculate on what she was doing, but I eventually realized the answer was actually really simple:

It didn’t fucking matter to the story.

The last time Tomoko had one of these “I know!�� moments, she ended up trimming her pubes on a class trip. But surely Tomoko’s character growth wouldn’t allow something like that to happen again, would it not?  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Adorbs.

Can’t fight awkward with awkward, can you?

Tomoko, what are you playing at? You just said that video chatting was erotic and tried to get Yuri to lewd herself for you. And now you were planning to appear on-screen totally naked and you somehow don’t see any sexual implications for this at all? Finding it funny would be an elementary schooler’s mentality. If you seriously have no confidence in your sexuality, then sweetheart, you need some help. 

You ever notice that Tomoko can lie through her teeth when trying to screw with people, but when lying to be nice, it sounds so phony? I think that says a lot about the kind of person she is.

Ya’ll knew I was gonna add this panel, didn’t you?

I was never one to go crazy about blushing anime girls ‘cause to me, it always felt like it stemmed from some sadistic desire to see girls look uncomfortable. So while I can’t get behind it for reasons like that, I can admit that Yuri’s blush is fucking precious and I think that’s because I love seeing her so emotionally transparent for once. It feels rare, raw and well-earned after all this time, so yeah. A++ 

Oh, Tomoko, if only you knew that skill often has nothing to do with it. Yuri’s not embarrassed because she sucks at humming, but because you saw a side of her that she only lets out in private. Trying to reassure her is a good move, but putting the girl on blast like that is not going to end well.  

I felt like the vibration alone would’ve left a huge-ass crack on Yuri’s phone screen. This whole moment is like eleven tiers of funny because even though Tomoko is probably miles away, the impact of Yuri’s punch still jostles her. It also helps that we can visibly see Yuri’s fist come down mere millimeters from Tomoko’s mug. 

There is no escaping her wrath, Tomoko.

I feel you, girl. For me, nothing beats a good ol’ burger and fries after a hard day of studying.

Careful there, Tomoko. If there’s one thing that studying has taught me (other than I hate it), it’s that you could get serious burn out if you go all-out on the first day, especially if you’re typically not a regular studier. Always make sure to get dem breaks in. 

That sounds like the kind of line you’d see in a mainstream shounen action manga like [ ]. I don’t even have a direct reference here, so feel free to fill in the blank.

Hey, with Tomoko’s luck, I was expecting karma to hit her harder than Truck-kun in an isekai anime, so I consider this a small loss. 

Man, remember when we were young and had ambitions as high as the sky, and we all wanted to change the world by being firefighters, astronauts, idols, and presidents?

Kind of sucks that “financial stability” has become our goal in life as we enter adulthood. Perhaps that’s just the mindset creative-types like Tomoko have towards the STEM industry when it’s hard to see what makes that world so personally fulfilling. 

Oops, my opinions are starting to seep in, so let's move on.

Nooo, don’t do it, Nico Tanigawa Tomoko! Don’t sell out your passions for financial security even though it’s a totally viable career decision! How else are we going to validate the pursuit of our artistic dreams?  

How in the hell is Tomoko balancing that drink? I’m willing to let it pass for rule of cute, but I don’t care how secure that cup is. One wrong move and those practice sheets are done for. 

Jesus Christ, Nemo is on some otherworldly dimension of cute right here.

I don’t even think Tomoko is trying to one-up her or anything. This is already the most effort she’s given to study in a single instance, so I think she genuinely just wants to share this personal accomplishment.

You know, while it’s already been established that Tomoko and Nemo have different tastes in anime, that doesn’t necessarily mean they wouldn’t watch the same show, right? Just for different reasons. While Nemo would watch her cute slice-of-life series earnestly, Tomoko would probably watch them ironically MST3K-style. In any case, it’s a good way for them to find some common ground.

Bruh, Nemo must be over the fucking moon for this opportunity. Think about it: when was the last time she’s had someone to watch anime with her? After concealing her power level for so long, this could be the first time Nemo has had a fellow anime fan to geek out over a series with. And not just discussing it afterward, but actually reacting to a live episode together.  

Nemo may give Tomoko all kinds of shit, but this is actually what she wanted all along, wasn’t it?

Boy, Tomoko sure gets pretty demanding when she’s sleep-deprived, huh? I’d hate to see how loose her inhibitions get when she’s stark-raving drunk.  

Is this referencing the Quintessential Quintuplets anime? I don’t know anything about it other than that’s a kickass title.

Hey now, Tomoko, beggars can’t be choosers. Let Nemo give you the play-by-play at her own pace. She’s even acknowledging that you hate the source magazine without a hint of judgment. She’s gonna go places.

At first, I thought all this recent armpit content was just an incidental joke. Then I thought it was the mangaka slyly inserting their fetish into the series. Then I realized the series turned the joke on its head and made it a meta-reference about their very thing their readers were accusing them of. 

Well played.  

You ain’t slick with that leg service, Nino Tanigawa. Just sayin���.

Seriously though, I love the dynamic going on in this conversation. Tomoko and Nemo are approaching the discussion from different outlooks, the former looking at it from a degenerate’s perspective and the latter looking at it more optimistically. But even so, they’re not trying to “get the upper hand” like they might've done before. They’re simply having a totally organic talk about what they do and don’t like about the series, while still recognizing each other’s personal preferences. For once, it’s completely devoid of passive aggressiveness and it really shows how earnest their friendship has become.

At some point, I think Tomoko’s consumed so much near-pornographic content that pretty much all anime, manga, VNs, etc. looks like the same hentai to her.  

Every fiber of my being says that this is a reference to Komi-san Can’t Communicate, but it could just as well be the mangaka shooting themselves in the foot for a good joke. In any case, I do like how they point out shy, socially awkward girls is a rising trend that borders on romanticizing communication problems. 

Does that make Watamote a hipster manga since it did the whole “social anxiety girl” shtick before it was cool? 

I wanted to make a pretentious joke about how basic that anime sounds and how I’m so above a show that panders to the masses, but even I like junk food, so I’ll spare you the hypocritical humor.

If Ucchi caught a glimpse of this, she’d probably explode right on the spot.

I spent a good five minutes trying to decipher how Tomoko’s sleeping expression could be seen as “happy”, and I realized that it’s not that she looks happy. It’s that she doesn’t look unhappy. I’d imagine that those plagued by anxiety and stress have it evident on their face when they sleep, so the fact that Tomoko fell asleep in relative bliss must mean she’s had a pretty satisfying day. To top it all off, this is one of the few times someone–and Nemo of all people–has seen Tomoko in all her vulnerability. 

And you know what? Nothing bad happened. No punchline undermining the moment, no sarcastic quip, no embarrassment. Just genuine sweetness and it really speaks to the series’ faith in its heartwarming moments.

As a final note, I just wanted to thank everyone again for their patience. I’ve been trying to put a fresh spin on this, making it a little more comedic since its honestly getting harder to “analyze” without constantly repeating myself. It’s a lot of fun, and I hope you guys enjoy it for what it is.

[magnuslightwoodbane]

hidden gems

read on ao3

follow up to

warning for violence

The Clave had, unsurprisingly, been incredibly unhelpful in something they deemed as a “solely warlock” problem. Alec being there at the time was apparently his own fault. He thinks that the representative he’d spoken to was still disgusted by Alec’s decision to “taint” the Lightwood name by joining it with a Downworlders’, with Magnus Bane’s, rather than actually believing that it wasn’t something they could poke their noses into like always.

That’s okay, though. Alec knows loopholes like old friends, and this means that so long as Magnus leads the investigation, they have a lot more leeway as to process AND punishment.

(He thinks of themselves as they far more often than not now; he and Magnus are a team, and if you wrong one you wrong the other no matter how slight the injustice.)

It wasn’t easy tracking down the person behind the warlock trap, but it wasn’t all that difficult either. It took them about a week to gather enough concrete evidence to implicate Roland Wantor, a young but promising warlock who had the misfortune to own a personality that kept grudges; grudges over things like being a downright asshole towards him when he worked as a barista in the 70’s (Lorenzo) to rebuffing his advances (Magnus).

“I was with you at the time,” Magnus grumbled. “And I was perfectly polite about it!”

Magnus and Alec had decided the best course of action was for the two of them to approach alone, with backup a portal away; far better to go in and arrest Roland peacefully than to storm the place with armoured Shadowhunter soldiers, after all. Alec doesn’t mourn the version of himself that would have thought differently.

Magnus goes to knock on the door to the house they’d tracked his last location to, but it creaks open under the first rap of his knuckles and he glances back at Alec, frowning. Alec doesn’t draw his bow, but he does rest his hand on the hilt nestled in the holster strapped to his thigh as they both silently agree to move forward. The large house looked ordinary from the outside, grass perhaps a little unkempt for this particular Hamptons neighbourhood, but everything inside is covered in a thick layer of dust. Unopened envelopes and flyers for long-past fairs and fetes litter the wooden corridor, and everything that Alec can see is painted in a murky blue-grey, the light struggling to make it through all the closed blinds.

They stop, make eye contact, reassess. Alec draws his bow and takes the lead.

They move silently towards the open door at the end of the hall. All the others they pass are locked, and while simple locks are no match for runes or magic, it would be a waste of their time. Alec takes the first step into the open living space, eyes trained to his left, while Magnus follows close behind and sweeps the right side of the room.

There is eerie silence. Then-

“Come to seek revenge, Mr Bane?”

The voice rings out around the room; its source is everywhere, nowhere.

“Come to seek justice, Roland, and perhaps more importantly answers.”

The voice scoffs. “If it’s answers you want, well. I don’t mind divulging them to dead men. I wish to be feared, revered, and if I need to stake my reputation on making sure everyone who wrongs me meets a violent end, then so be it. Have you brought this random Nephilim again just to pretend that you didn’t just reject me outright? As if you would even look twice at one of their kind.”

Magnus’s eyes narrowed, offended at the very notion that anyone could disregard Alec’s importance like that, and Alec smirks. This warlock really doesn’t know the type of fire he’s playing with.

“This random Nephilim just so happens to be one that I not only looked at twice but also then married, Roland. Why don’t you come down here and address us face to face, hm? And we can settle this in a civil manner?”

“Are you accusing me of incivility?!” the voice snarled back, louder now. I mean, attempted murder probably qualifies, Alec thinks, before his senses begin to prickle, hairs on his arms raising in a manner that he was intimately familiar with.

“Magnus, dem-“

A burst of magic cut him off mid-sentence, slamming him against the nearest wall hard. Pain shoots through his arm as he lands awkwardly, dropping his bow as he feels his wrist snap and crying out through gritted teeth. It’s nothing an iratze can’t fix, but Alec cannot move. He tries, but none of his limbs make any sort of headway against the invisible force pinning him there.

“Perhaps if I keep him there, you’ll be far more inclined to be nice to me,” the voice says, closer this time. Alec looks over at its new source; a pale, lanky man stood where no one had a moment before, clad in a tweed jacket, his legs those of a goat and his brown-grey hair slicked back. His eyes were sharp and cold over the frames of his small round sunglasses (completely ineffective, thought Alec). The words hit him then, and he can’t help the laugh that escapes him.

“Is something funny, Nephilim?” he spat.

Alec laughs again. “Oh man. You have no idea who you’re fucking with, do you?” The warlock frowns, as roughly insectoid demons shimmer from the air around the room, and despite his decades of training, Alec is near indifferent. He trusts Magnus, knows his capabilities, knows that Roland Wantor is about to get the rudest wake-up call of his life. “I’m all good here babe, take your time, have some fun,” he calls out cheerfully. Magnus nods in acknowledgment, closes his eyes in contentment.

When he opens them again, they are his own. The stillness of the air is suffocating.

The battle begins in a second and Alec attempts to drink it all in, despite tears of pain clouding his vision. As Magnus conjures wards for Alec, Roland surrounds himself in his own sickly green shield, attempting to leave Magnus to the mercy of the demons he’d summoned. One of them pounces from the back of the room straight at Magnus, only to be impaled on a spike of clear ice, splintering the floor and reaching towards the high ceiling. Alec smiles.

Magnus is a master of control, a brilliant dancer, and here in his battle element he is no different as he ducks and weaves and gestures a path of destruction. He cuts one demon in half using a portal closed opportunistically, causing its severed head to fall at a stricken Roland’s feet. Alec can’t help noticing Magnus’s shirt sleeves straining as he moves, the blood spattered across his brow from when one tried to get too close. If this is how Magnus felt when he saw Alec do this last week, he completely understands his husband’s recent desire for rougher sex.

The sight of demons felled in battle is poetry to Alec; there is a beauty in it he can’t describe. Even though he wishes he were the one partaking, admiring Magnus fulfilling the duty he was raised for feels a little like salvation. He watches as Magnus corrals four demons into pairs without them realising; one pair he lifts and surrounds in a sphere of moving water, the other he begins the same but encases them in a metal orb. He spins as they hover in the air, throwing out a stream of daggers of pure light with a mere wave of his arm at one who dared skitter into view, hitting his mark with every one. He smirks at Roland, before his outstretched palms call forth elemental destruction. Lightning strikes the sphere of water, causing the unfortunate beasts to explode inside their exoskeletons, viscera flowing now with the water. Fire envelops the metal orb and burns with intensity, and Alec can hear the shrieks as that pair are cooked alive.

There are still three more left. Roland looks terrified. Magnus doesn’t seem to care.

One brave one leaps, and Magnus pirouettes, catching it out of the air by its back and slamming it into the floor, crushed immediately as Magnus stamps, shards of bone and blood flying out in a perfect circle around it. He kicks its body into its comrades, knocking it back from its advance where it meets a wall of force that hadn’t been there a second ago and disintegrates where it passes through.

There is one left, and this one has learnt. It cowers, snarls and hisses, facing Magnus all the while as he walks backwards through the carnage towards Alec.

“Hey,” Alec says.

“Hey yourself,” Magnus replies, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Alec feels his wrist reset, though truth be told, he’d barely noticed the pain, transfixed as he was. “Mind if I borrow this, darling?”

Magnus’s hand is on his seraph blade and Alec grins in anticipation, staring Roland down. “Go ahead, my love.” Alec enjoys the whimper he hears from Roland as Magnus pulls the blade free, bathing the room in bright crimson light. He strides forward. The demon charges, leaps. Magnus moves faster, grace guiding him, and slices the airborne demon. It hits the ground with three sickening thuds.

Roland’s shield is down now, and he’s backing up towards the door, fear in his eyes as Magnus turns towards him and cocks his head. “You hurt my husband,” he says, voice cold, every inch the prince of hell Alec knew he was by nature, and by nurture could never become. He advances.

Roland is pleading, but Alec doesn’t care to listen. He watches instead as Magnus’s magic snakes out, forcing him into a rigid pose, limbs extended, and begins to raise him up into the air. Even looking up at him, Magnus has all of the power.

Magnus looks utterly vengeful in this light.

“Did you know,” he hisses almost gleefully through his teeth, “that carbon makes up by mass around 18% of a human body? Most of the rest is gas, minus, oh, around 4% of other trace elements?”

Roland squeaked, held aloft and unable to move.

“Did you also know that magic can serve as an effective replacement for the high temperatures and pressure needed for graphene to become diamond? Or, perhaps,” Magnus’s voice dropped dangerously low, “that I am the only warlock on this Earth capable of completely rearranging atoms without consequence? I don’t do it often, but I think I can make an exception.”

Roland begins to scream. Alec sees his legs begin to disintegrate from the bottom up, cloven feet the first victim. Dust falls, which Alec knows must be the trace amounts of solid elements in a human body, and as it creeps higher tiny crystals join the pile, catching the light. The screams sound almost animal.

It’s not until Magnus reaches his knees that the binds holding Alec finally falter, and he drops free to the floor. While there is some small part of him that calls for blood that finds this satisfying, he knows that it’s not the kind of justice he came for. He also knows that Magnus not caught up in the frenzy of battle will regret this; he is harsh and unforgiving to those who do not deserve mercy and yet Magnus’s default state is a drive to do what is right, no matter its difficulty.

Alec kicks carcasses out of his way as he walks swiftly to Magnus’s side, resting his hands on either bicep and gently pushing his arms down.

“Magnus, it’s okay. I’m here. You can stop now.”

There is resistance at first, but as Alec murmurs into his ear and presses his lips to his skin, the onslaught stops.

“You healed me Magnus, saved me. This is not the justice your people deserve, the punishment he should face.”

Magnus only exhales. Roland lowers gently to the ground, open wounds sealed shut, unconscious. Alec kisses the side of Magnus’s forehead.

He knows full well what his husband is capable of, the cruelty he has been forced to wield in order to survive, in order to please his father, knows that this trauma and state of being is as ingrained in him as his love for Alec. He knows this part of Magnus, but he also knows that this is not all that Magnus is, that Magnus is kinder than he is severe, more predisposed to generosity than retribution. He knows this, and knows that he is not going anywhere, and he thinks as his love sags into him that Magnus knows that now as well.

[isroselalondebisexual]

this one's a bit of a loaded question, but what do you think the kids swapped with their patron troll would be like? like rose in kanaya's place, jade in karkat's place, dave in terezi's place, and john in she-who-must-not-be-named's place. they're all trolls ofc

Rose Maryam, a troll of moderate wealth and status, whose lusus is a Virgin Mothergrub. Well, we know from how Kanaya spoke of her and the brief times we saw her that Mamagrub was a very loving lusus. She comforted Kanaya when she was crying over getting her heart broken and Kanaya told a story of how she and Mamagrub just stayed in for troll-christmas and read stories. Mamagrub is, then, likely to be a more authoritative parent, as much as a weird alien bugmom can be. Rose would probably act somewhat less recklessly than she does in canon, more used to there being consequences to her actions and used to the potential for deadly consequences thanks to her culture. She’s very strong, with quick reflexes, used to having to fend off zombies from her desert home, but I doubt the experiences would be particularly traumatizing because her lusus is right there to make sure she’s okay and zombies are just oogie boogie scary monsters. Probably still has very similar interests, mirroring Kanaya’s own interest in Rainbow Drinker Trash Fiction and whatever passes as troll-goth, which I have firm reason to believe is actually light-centered but that’s a different post. Her role as a Seer of Space- okay, so, full stop, I imagine Space to be the ULTIMATE in Seer aspects, so I’m a little biased- but her role would be p much The Storyteller. Much like Calliope in canon, she is the one who sees not the timeline, but the STORY. The WHOLE. Space, by my understanding of it, is very interested in the WHOLE, and less interested in the PARTS. So Rose can’t really say “do x thing for y result” but she can say “This is our current goal for the moment, we need to work towards that.” Breeding the frog would be… fun… She’d honestly probably need help with that task, if I’m being wholly honest. Rose would, of course, be ENAMORED with the aliens they end up running into, and Kanaya, who I’m assuming would take the role of Light player in this scenario, would fit perfectly with Rose’s Alternian-goth aesthetic and the two of them would generally just continue being soulmates like they are in canon.

Jade Vantas, a mutant troll with incredibly low funding and pretty much no status, whose lusus is an anthropomorphic crab. She’s already pretty punchy in canon, but raised by Crabmom, she’s likely gonna end up with her particular apple not falling far from that tree. Not to mention the constant injustice of her society being shoved in her face, the stress of having to keep herself hidden, she’s gonna wind up pretty snippish! Would absolutely lie about her blood color, though, not hide it. She’d pass herself off as a rust, do absolutely everything she could to make sure the people around her saw her as a rust blood and not suspect her as a mutant. Stays away from games that could make her bruised or bleeding, but if she DOES accidentally get bruised, well, it’s CLOSE ENOUGH, right, no one should stare too long because it’s a reddish hue. She’s gonna make social connections first because she likes having friends, but second because she knows her chances of surviving go up exponentially if there are people who are like, actually important, who care about her. Angrily feels that there should be more worth placed on her own life, but feels deeply insecure due to her own place in society. Her lusus, while cantankerous, does love her though, and while they do have a mutual back and forth of caretaking, Crabmom is somewhat more intelligent than Bec the magic dog so Jade has better met emotional needs. Still ridiculously smart, but with less access to resources Jade’s intelligence is going to be more of a “known in theory not in practice” variety. Being able to alchemize a lot of shit during the Game is gonna be SO FUN for her. Her role as a Witch of Blood would be focused on her ability to use her bonds with her teammates to accomplish their goals. Jade’s gonna end up a little master-mind-y, and she’s the one who’ll take Rose’s “This is our goal now” and go “Okay, here are the people who need to work on that and here’s how” so she ends up sort of the leader? More like team manager, maybe. She knows her friends well, knows their strengths, and can accurately direct them. The fact that her friends will actually listen to her, even after learning her true blood color, and still love and respect her, will be very affirming for her and help her with her insecurities! Being really irritated all the time will need some work, but once removed from the society that makes her frustrated that’ll slowly simmer down.

Dave Pyrope, middle class, raised by a dragon egg. Probably ends up doing something cocky because he puts forth a “hot shit” persona and gets himself injured lmao. He’s chilly, but not cold blooded, and he can get away with some shit but he’s not invincible. Probably for the best that he lives in a goddamned tree tbh. He’s still a sweet boy though, he just craves that validation a little too hard and does stupid shit for attention. His Dragondad isn’t really around to give him all the attention he needs, especially in his more formative years, and even after Something Dumb makes him wake up on his moon when he can talk to Dragondad, Dave still wants ATTENTION dammit. Also I just realized that all the patron trolls were on Prospit, I just realized that. Anyway, Dave does indeed put forth a coolkid persona because it’s something he thinks is going to make people like him, and he’s kinda lonely out in the middle of a forest by himself with only a giant egg for company. That, and it’s Alternia, and signs of weakness can get you killed, so he wants to seem impenetrable and aloft and put out “don’t fuck with me” vibes even though Dave is, admittedly, pretty easy to fuck with. His role as Knight of Mind would start out as him closely guarding his own mentality, shielding it from others’ eyes so they do not know what he’s truly like. He would think, based on his classpect, that this is the right and true way for him to act, that makes sense, and become briefly even more entrenched in his own coolkid persona. But then going past that, he would need to understand that guarding one’s mind can be good, yes, but he’s not actually doing himself any favors by locking his true thoughts and feelings up. Rather, he needs to protect his mind, and the minds of his friends, by encouraging openness and honesty between them. He needs to come to terms with the fact that nothing is going to be clear cut and logical, that everything is messy and the smartest, most pragmatic thing to do when dealing with brains- these things that house all our messy thoughts and emotions and spur our behaviors- is to cultivate them. Dave has to learn how to productively manage psychology, his own and those around him, and accept his own personality. This is something Latula never did. Something Latula ended up failing to do, which is why, even millions and millions of sweeps after her death, she still puts forth her coolkid persona and uses her fake persona as a shield. Karkat remarked on it in canon, and a Doomed Dave in this verse would be a Dave that follows in canon Latula’s footsteps. They have to be honest.

John Serket, upper middle class, with a nasty nasty lusus. He’d get the demand to kill other trolls and feed them to Spiderdad, and honestly? I don’t think he could. I think he’d refuse and he would die, Spiderdad would die, or Spiderdad would have to go get his own damn food, possibly abandoning John. Or maybe Spiderdad would scream in John’s brain until he DID kill somebody. But John, he’s not the kind of person who would take it well. He’d be numb for the start of it, yeah, he wouldn’t feel anything about the warm corpse still bleeding body heat, even as he chucked it into Spiderdad’s web, and I don’t think he’d feel anything in the shower or as he went to sleep that day, even though he wouldn’t be able to stop THINKING about it I don’t think there’d be an emotional connect. Until the daymares. He wouldn’t stop thinking about it, and the guilt and disgust and horror would sink in slowly, slowly, slowly, building and building inside him until he’s sobbing on his kitchen floor and choking on his own breathing because what the FUCK did he do?! Oh god he killed somebody. I could imagine John making the decision that, since he has proven he can kill a troll, he can defend himself, and he can’t do that again, he cannot kill another troll to feed Spiderdad ever again. John would likely use his mind control powers to prompt Equius (or, whoever he’s living next to, idk how trollswaps really work either) into using his STRENGTH into causing a minor avalanche, effectively killing Spiderdad, because how dare he force John to kill, he didn’t want to do that, yeah he’s Cerulean but he never wanted to hurt anybody! And then, of course, comes the guilt of killing his own lusus, of forcing his neighbor to do the dirtywork, of using his powers against a FRIEND and John hadn’t wanted to ever do that either. He’s a list of broken promises to himself. So anyway very traumatized. John’s also likely to end up a very ANXIOUS person, in this kind of swap. A lusus who didn’t really love him, when a lusus is SUPPOSED to be the one creature in a troll’s life that they can KNOW values them, would leave its mark on his psyche, and the mantra that the people who you love/who love you will make demands, demands that come at deep personal detriment, is gonna fuck him up too, regardless of whether John kills his lusus or his lusus just starves or his lusus sticks around but keeps SCREAMING at John to do things for him. Literally all of those options are gonna leave John jittery and utterly anxious as a person. He’s gonna be the type of person who gives into demands very, very easily, and see requests from his friends as things he really can’t back out of, or else it’ll make him the bad guy, a terrible friend, a selfish greedy lazy person who doesn’t pull his weight, no matter how often he says “yes” it’ll never feel like enough to justify a “no.” He and Jade would end up working very closely, because Jade is the one issuing out orders and John responds quickly and without much argument. Like as not, John is gonna be the one helping Rose breed the frogs. As Heir of Luck, which I sorta discussed in my John Lalonde post, he’s a very lucky dude, and breeding frogs would probably go REALLY well for him! But given his different life situation, John Lalonde and John Serket are pretty different people with pretty different goals. John Serket’s personal quest would be more about becoming bright, as a person. John’s natural disposition is to be friendly, cheerful, playful and even somewhat childish. He was stripped of that, by his lusus and his society as a whole, but now he has a chance to play a Game with his friends free of his lusus, free of his old planet and it’s culture, and to truly bloom as a person he has to shuck all the things that were unlucky about his past life and embrace the things that WERE lucky. He’s got good friends, a solid inborn set of morals, and a laugh as brilliant as the dawn. He’s a cheery sunny boy with a lot of love in his heart, so his quest is to really, truly shine.

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 7

The man on the screen is Governor Cyprian General Cortas, who is the father of Andi’s first ever (accidental) kill. 

So of course, this means that Andi must have yet another dramatic flashback:

Wind in her hair, the kiss of freedom coating her skin as she sprinted through the darkness hallways, Kaley Kalee beside her.

Laughter bubbling between them as they snuck onto the Governor’s general’s personal starship transport ship.

The click of Kaley’s Kalee’s harness, buckled tight in the copilot’s seat, and Andi’s nervous laughter, again, as she dared Kaley to undo the harness.

To fly free.

“Don’t you trust me?” Andi asked, as her fingers curled over the wheel.

looked at her charge, the girl she was sworn to protect.

“Are you sure about this?” Andi asked, her fingers curled over the throttle.

Kalee lifted a pale brow, a smile tugging at her lips. “As my best friend and personal Spectre, I command you to do this, Androma.”

The engine purred as Andi started it up. A feeling of excitement coursed through her at the sound.

Kalee smiled. “For once in your life, have some real fun.”

Young Andi was a total dumbass, as you can see.

Shinsay decided to rewrite this scene to further absolve Andi of any crime. See? Kalee ordered Andi to do it! Technically it wasn’t her fault!

Also, I’m glad to see that Kaley’s name went from white to whiter.

I see that they changed this dude from governor to general, and chose to have the narration and the characters properly address him by his surname instead of his first name.

I hope the people who bought the preview bit were compensated, because they basically bought the first goddamn draft and were promised that “not much sould change” in the final product, yet here we are, with major character and narrative changes. 

I guess if nothing is of any consequence, then this doesn’t matter, but in a good book, even small changes can make a big difference.

In front of her was a victim of her foolishness, and next to her was the man who created her and then betrayed her.

The man in front of her was a victim of her foolishness. Beside her was the man who’d rejected her love.

The two of them, together? It was nearly enough to shatter Andi.

Yeah, look at this hardened badass nearly shattering because of Teh Menz. I get why she’d be upset in Cyprian’s presence, but Dex is her shitty (D)ex, why is she so miffed over him?

Why was the line changed from Dex betraying her to him “rejecting her love?” Andi had a good reason to hate him before, but now she’s just a woman scorned? Come on, Shinsay. Weren’t you all about girl power and shit? Can’t do one goddamn thing right, can you?

And can I just wonder about the possible and implied age difference between Andi and Dex? If he’s old enough to have taught her “everything she knows,” he’d have to be older to actualy know those things. Is this going to go into squick territory?

Anyway, Andi sees Arcardius behind the general and we find out that she attended the “Academy” with other “military students,” where she also learned to dance (???) and how to pilot ... things, I guess, and also where she’d been handpicked to be the personal “Spectre” for the general’s daughter, which is apparently super duper cool and most people only DREAM of. 

Everyone wants to be a dancing body guard, I guess. 

Cyprian reads some of Andi’s crimes back to her from a newspaper for ... reasons. So we can know how epic and edgy she is.

Turns out that she once shot down two passenger ships as a “distraction” from when she was smuggling illegal weapons. I’m ... not even going to open that can of strategically questionable worms.

Update: This has been changed to Andi shooting down two “black market ships” (what does that mean) and the debris from that battle falling down on a “village.”

Just one village? That’s some pinpoint aim on that debris. 

Also, this just further removes Andi from doing any actual harm. Like yeah, she did a dumb thing, but in the original version, she purposefully shot down civilian ships as a distraction. 

How the fuck did you edit your book about a space pirate and make her WIMPIER?! 

Can’t fucking handle the thought of your character not being morally fucking flawless, can you? Unless it’s just on the surface and only there when she needs to be sexy and badass, huh?

[Andi] took complete responsibility for those deaths. She’d never thought the debris would get through the atmosphere in such large pieces, let alone hit one of the few settlements on Pazus.

Oh, and she even feels remorse and takes responsibility, what a peach! 

Jesus Christ, how fucking boring can she get? 

It’s honestly so sad how even female authors can’t write morally grey or just outright cruel female characters in fear of them being unlikeable. 

Yeah, bitch. That’s the point. Let her be shitty and unlikeable. You can’t both let her be a ruthless space pirate and the “Bloody Baroness” and a pwecious widdle angel who cries for every man she kills and knits little mittens for their children and widows.

One of the darker choices I’ve made, Andi thought.

In case y’all didn’t get that shooting down two civilian ships and murdering over a dozen people for your own gain is “dark,” Shinsay’s here to clear it all up!

Update: This has been removed, but I’m leaving it in the snark because you need to see the stupidity, even if it was edited out.

“You were never caught,” Cyprian General Cortas said, his voice low, “but I knew it was you. That is what you do, Andi Androma. You leave a path of chaos in your wake, and you don’t ever look back to see whose lives were ended because of it.” His green blue eyes flashed at her.

It’s Morse code. He’s trying to tell you something, Andi.

.- -. -.. .-. --- -- .- .. ... .- -... ..- - - .... --- .-.. .

“The Bloody Baroness,” Cyprian General Cortas said, as he set setting down the screen, “is mentioned in thirteen cases since last year, six of those involving numerous deaths. Though And I have no doubt, Androma, that there are many more cases that went unnoticed. You are one of the most notorious criminals in all of Mirabel.”

Dude, did you come here to do anything besides stroking Andi’s ego? Because I’m getting kind of mixed signals here, buddy.

Bloody Baroness is still stupid and not at all intimidating, Shinsay.

At least she’s not an assassin and her job doesn’t rely on being undercover, I guess, so I’ll forgive some of the ridiculous infamy.

Against all odds, Zenith continues to be better than Throne of Glass.

“I’m not here for revenge,” he said, and again, Andi was reminded of the crash. The light. Kaley’s bloody hand, slipping from Andi’s as she breathed her last breath.

That’s great, buddy. You’ve had this flashback five times now.

Update: This has been removed. Why do you keep removing my favorite dumb bits, Shinsay? A pox on your house! 

Anywho, remember that dude in the MOST DARKNEST DARN DANKNESS DARK DARKNESS DARKNESS COLD VOID COLDEST VOID NOTHING EMPTY BLACK DARKNESS???

Turns out that he’s Cyprian’s son! And he’s been missing for a while! 

And now the general is so desperate that he’s asking Andi to help him find him again.

Valen, Kaley’s older brother with summer hair and soft eyes, who’d made her blush as a child, who’d never spoken more than a few fleeting words to Andi each time she visited Kaley’s floating estate on Arcardius.

*looks at Valen*

*looks at Dex Dogtective*

Hoo boy here we go.

Also, what does “summer hair” look like?

Update: This has been removed, and now Valen has “dark hair” and “soft hazel eyes.” There’s also no mention of him making Andi blush, and in fact the text says that they barely spoke to each other, though he did try to stop Kalee and Andi from sneaking out, and didn’t show up to court when Andi was on trial.

Three years after losing one child, the other had been taken from [Cyprian].

Two years after losing one child, the other had been snatched from him, too.

Again, the guilt clawed at Andi from inside.

I love how the inclusion of “again” both tries to excuse and also ironically highlights the extremely silly repetitiveness of Andi’s pointless oh-shit-I-feel-bad moments.

It’s Shinsay shrugging at the reader like: “Yep, there that wild bish Andi goes again with dem flashbacks.”

“Two weeks months ago, one of our satellites picked up a coded signal from Xen Ptera’s prison moon, Lunamere. The message was in the code that our top military operatives use, meaning only a select few know it. It said four words: I am here, Father.” Arcardian military code, which you no doubt remember from your time serving.”

We get a brief flashback to where Andi sits and tries to decode the “strange ancient symbols” where she admits that she can fight good but she’s not especially book smart. Why the hell are the military using one single code that apparently military students get to learn, and why the fuck is it ancient? 

That’s like ... the mother of all secutiry flaws. How has nobody cracked their code yet? What the fuck?

Anyway, apparently the general had been personally teaching his son this super secret, ancient, well-known code, and he thinks this signal is from Valen because it’s the last word he told him to decode.

I’m gonna love the explanation to how the fuck he even did that.

The reason Cyprian is telling her all this is because he wants Andi to find Valen, and he can’t send his men to do it because it would upset the fragile truce that’s between uh ... “their” part of the galaxy and the part of the galaxy where Valen is being held. Sending a pirate who has no official ties to anyone I guess makes sense, but this raises like a billion questions still.

Won’t the people holding him captive realize they’re working for Cyprian as soon as they try to bust him out? Just because they’re pirates he assumes they’ll be allowed to enter the prison and get whatever dude they want? What exactly is Cyprian expecting to happen here? Even if they’re pirates, when they deliver Valen back to him, the enemy will realize that they were infiltrated and still go to war. Or is he hoping that they’ll never admit that they did it? If they kidnapped the guy in the first place and placed him in the prison, they were already doing something that could easily provoke a war, so I don’t see them exactly backing down and pretending it didn’t happen. War is kind of inevitable at this point. It would’ve made more sense for Cyprian to hire Andi to smuggle him out so he’d be safe and not used as a pawn, but he’s framing it as a political move to avoid war, which doesn’t make much sense.

And if the government isn’t actually affiliated with the people who stole Valen, then why can’t he just ask them for help? Surely if they wanted to keep the peace, they’d help the guy find his son? I know that he suspects the government did it, and if they actually did it, keeping up appearances won’t change the outcome. If they didn’t do it, then asking might actually help him find him faster. I’m just saying that he probably should’ve like ... asked first. For political reasons, even if they deny it. The book does mention that “there has been no word from their end” (What, they’ve been silent for two years?), which is a red flag, but Cyprian should’ve been more persistent and not resort to pirates so quickly. The fact that they didn’t instantly jump to help him find Valen is enough to turn up the pressure, I’d say.

And why aren’t the people holding Valen captive demanding a ransom? He’s the son of an influential politician, what were they doing to him during these two years? Wouldn’t whatever medium Valen used to send out that signal still be picked up by the captors, even if they can’t decode it? (Don’t get me started on that btw.) When we saw Valen in the prison in the prologue, he was just rotting away and nobody seemed to want to keep him in good health because he’s a political asset, so why’d they take him in the first place? If he’s been gone for so long and has managed to survive but is seemingly also abandoned, what were they doing to him? What was their plan? “Let’s just grab him and have him sit there for shits and giggles.”

I guess these are questions that will be answered, but this feels a bit flimsy already.

*inhales*

I’m ok.

Andi says that she can’t do it.

“You can’t?” Cyprian The general barked out a laugh. “The Bloody Baroness does whatever she wants. Even if it means stealing a starship in the middle of the night, crashing it into the side of a mountain, and slaughtering an innocent girl in the process. One she was sworn to protect.”

Cyprian is supposed to sound angry here but somehow ends up stroking Andi’s ego some more.

“She was to be my heir,” Cyprian General Cortas whispered. “And you stole her from me. From my wife. From my people.”

Cyprian, you fucking drama queen. You do realize that military ranks can’t be inherited, yes?

This all makes sense to Andi, because of course.

The Mirabel Patrolmen couldn’t just waltz into a Xen Pterran prison and steal a prisoner out from under the guards without violating the terms of the treaty. The agreement was meant to prevent further war between Xen Ptera and the galaxy’ s other major systems, Prime, Stuna, Tavina and Phelexos. Galactic peace had always required a careful balancing act between each system, and when the Olen System rebelled, it had upset that balance.

The Unified Systems couldn’t risk an upset again.

But a pirate, not officially affiliated with any side...

Yeah, you’re right. And when you deliver that boy back to the general, he’ll just go “oi oi thanks lads, here’s your payment though you were totally not affiliated with me in any way lmao anyway cheerios” and the Xen Pterrans will be like “oh his son is back at his side is he? well that definitely doesn’t mean he hired people to invade our space, maybe Valen just walked out of the prison.”

Like ... they stole your son. They probably 100% stole your son. They broke the treaty. You’re free to attack. What I’d do is send in a spy, to check if Valen truly was there, get proof, and then hide him away to a safe place and then explode that shit. 

But no. Let’s send a fucking NOTORIOUS SPACE PIRATE with her FANCY SHIP and IDIOTIC, FLASHY METHODS (blew up two ships which then rained down on a village, good job).

That’ll fucking do it, you jackass.

“There is, of course, another option.”

Andi raised her eyebrows, and Cyprian General Cortas smiled, cold and calculating.

Cyprian tells Andi that if she does this, he’ll ERASE ALL HER CRIMES so she can START FROM SCRATCH. And if she refuses, he’ll just kill her.

“I will pardon you for your crimes. Lift your death sentence. You could return to Arcardius, Androma.”

Home, Andi’s mind whispered.

A thousand memories suddenly unlocked, poured into her from the place she’d kept them safely hidden away.

Her mother, twirling in a circle as a silver gown blossomed around her. Her freshly painted nails shining under the chandelier light as she pressed a soft hand to Andi’s cheek and whispered, “My daughter, protecting the general’s heir. A true Arcardian dream.”

Her father, later that night, praising Andi as she blocked his attack. “You’ve been practicing without me,” he said, hands flexing as he lunged forward and she slipped easily past him.

Arcardius, full of warmth and laughter and beauty .

Arcardius, full of Kalee’s screams and blood on Andi’s hands, hot and wrong and...

The chapter ends on Andi accepting (after making the general recite the “Arcardian Vow,” bless this book’s little heart) and asking for ship upgrades to help on the mission and we get this:

At that, Cyprian the general smiled, and looked not at Andi, but at Dex.

“He The bounty hunter will take care of that for you,” Cyprian General Cortas said, his voice dripping with sick satisfaction, “since he’ll be joining you on your mission.”

Oh, joy.

Who saw this coming. I sure didn’t.

What a buffet of surprises Shinsay has cooked up for us. 

[valyrianczarina]

If people keep acting like this, we (Dems) will continue to lose elections.

Listen. I am a Mulatta Latina. My father is a white Cuban, my mother is a passingly “white” Panamanian - and her father is Black/Indigenous. I, however, came out with darker skin. As a kid, I have been taunted, ridiculed, and bullied for my skin tone and curly hair. With that being said, this is my totally non biased and objective opinion: If you really believe that the SOLE reason Donald Trump is our president right now is because of a race war - you are wrong, and you need to acknowledge it. Do I think Donald Trump is a racist? He might be. Does his message intersect with people who are racist? Yes. But that is not why he flipped 3 democratic states and won the election on November 8th. 

1. Obamacare pool was struggling due to high enrollment of low income and pre -diagnosed individuals. It’s how a market of that size works. Premiums more than doubled for many people, many of them being above the poverty threshold and having no pre existing conditions. This within itself was even raising the cost of health insurance for families OUTSIDE of the market. My law firm’s HMO Group was one of them. ACA Tax Penalty was PENALIZING people for not having coverage. A substantial amount! $695!!! And even so, many people took the penalty and went without coverage, because their income was too high for a cheap $40 a month plan. This was reported weeks before the election. This is where the SILENT MAJORITY comes in. 

2. WIKILEAKS. The DNC rigged the primary election to favor Hillary Clinton. We saw the emails. Donna Brazile leaked the debate questions to the Hillary campaign. We know this for a fact. It was reported, and people paid attention.

3. Politicization of FBI Director James Comey.  Hillary’s “investigation” was reopened 2 weeks before the election because of fucking Anthony Wiener, his wife, and their fucking desktop. They found nothing, this scandal lasted a whole week. It made a huge difference, as early voting was still happening all over the country.

4. 6 million people voted third party. 

5. HRC had no charisma. Donald Trump had a MOVEMENT. Yeah, he's fucking dumb, ridiculous, and unqualified - and anyone with an average level of intellectual curiosity can see this - but it didn’t matter. He had the message. America loves scandals. People have a very short attention span. The energy was with Bernie Sanders. Bernie was a 75 year old man who filled stadiums and rallies with hundreds, if not thousands, of 18-22 year old kids. He also won 23 states. A democratic socialist won 23 states. He also won all of the states that HRC was supposed to win. WHITE WORKING CLASS STATES. Are those same people who carried Obama to victory twice, racist? No.

6. Syria, Brexit, and an overall anti immigration hostility gaining ground in Europe. Various terrorist attacks happened in the EU, and Pulse Nightclub Shooting happened. The Democrats’ decision to refrain from using the term “islamic terrorism”. This small detail actually motivated a lot of easily manipulated dummies to vote for a reality tv star.

7. Republicans showed up to vote as usual, democrats stayed home. Like I said, there was no energy surrounding the Clinton Campaign. Yeah, sure, she was a woman - a highly qualified one. But that wasn’t enough. Barack Obama was a star. She is not a star. 

So, there. Election of Trump was a MISTAKE. Its disheartening, its horrible, its embarrassing. I feel the same pain everyone else feels. But we can’t keep calling our opponents racist at every disagreement on policy. John McCain was also endorsed by the KKK. The KKK endorses the GOP candidate in every election!!! WHY WAS THIS SUCH A BIG DEAL? 

Do you want to be prideful and politically correct, focus on the social/civil rights issues at every turn and make your adversary look like “the bad guy”? 

Or do you want to play the game the way it is meant to be played. Do you want to focus on the FISCAL AND EDUCATION POLICIES that will actually HELP the minorities who are stuck in a cycle of poverty, inequality, and oppression? That is my question. This race thing won’t work next election. Because his voters don’t give a shit. They voted for him because he promised to repeal Obamacare and bring back manufacturing jobs (which we know is not going to happen). They don’t give a shit about climate change, public school funding, federal school loans, Planned Parenthood...They just want better jobs! THEY DON’T CARE. YES, THEY’RE THAT FUCKING STUPID. 

SO WAKE UP! STOP CRYING! GET INVOLVED AND THINK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED. STOP ACTING LIKE A VICTIM AND ACT LIKE A SURVIVOR. TALK TO PEOPLE WHO THINK DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU. SHOW THEM WHAT YOU KNOW, CONVINCE THEM TO JOIN YOUR SIDE. DEBATE. Unless they attack you first with that “snowflake” bullshit, then go in guns flaring. But STFU about the race thing. Is it wrong that his campaign fueled racism and islamophobia? I personally think it is. But they don’t care, and guess what? Their vote is just as powerful as yours. Stop getting riled up by his BAIT. Part of his campaign slogan was CROOKED HILLARY. WHO IS MORE CROOKED THAN DONALD TRUMP? But no, they focused on his projectile vomit speeches and his predictable crassness. Everyone was so fucking consumed by the race war and the stupid wall, but not the fact that he is a horrible orator, a person of low emotional intelligence and impulse control, a sleezebag, a complete WACKJOB?! UNACCEPTABLE. 

LOOK AT HIS CABINET. ITS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!!

YOU HAVE TWO YEARS UNTIL THE SENATE AND CONGRESS SEATS ARE UP, AND 4 YEARS TO KICK HIM THE FUCK OUT!!! ITS EITHER THAT OR TWO TERMS OF PRESIDENT TRUMP. THIS IS HOW IT WORKS. ITS NOT CHANGING. WORK WITH THE SYSTEM, NOT AGAINST IT. 

I’m done. Had to let it out.

[geborgenheit-dream]

Love letter in the dark times!!!

I wanted to write it on a real paper but i couldn't wait for it. When these situations will calm down then i will write another one and send you via post (another promise). When the whole world is going through panic, fear, anxiety and depression and I am sitting in my small room and thinking about you. I may sound like a hopeless romantic, or a dreamer, but I am well aware of the current scenerio too.

Soon it's gonna be 3 months of our toghterness. We haven't seen each other but connection is somehow deeply rooted in our consciousness.

This relationship is not an easy one, people might call it immaturity, may laugh at us. But believe me they will be surprised to see us after 5 years. Our story will be a sound example of Love, understanding, maturity and everything you can think of. (Only if we can make it till 2021, which we will for sure)

Since the beginning of 2020 we are merging and creating our mutual realities. As the matter of fact we are two completely different person, I don't believe in the statement "opposite attracts" because this simplify the connection to the very basic. What it takes to maintain/or to have THIS strong connection is very unlikely in modern times, and one needs to redefine his/her beliefs, trust issues, understanding, perspectives on life and many more. 

All we have for now a deep connection in our mind and physically we have a virtual window (phone screen) and lots of words and Art, in which we are trying our best to bring out best of ourselves in given things. And we have also experienced some things which can't be defined - like dreams, or some beautiful coincidences they are more than that - we are deeply rooted in each other's consciousness in a very short span of time.

And it's okay to be afraid sometimes, because our path is very difficult. I know sometimes we get frustrated, and we get into the realm of doubt.

It's totally okay to feel these emotions, BUT the most important thing is that, we need to communicate/to have a dialogue, if you or me are in these zones, it's okay to dwell there to face these dark emotions or feelings (because you can't escape) but as soon as you get back then we should talk about it.

I love the most about "us" that we are so fucking, brutally honest. I know your friends say we should not be totally honest, but believe me it's the best way. Imagine hiding something for 6 months and then you find out, time will amplify the consequences like 100 times. 

I still remember those moments when you surrender yourself in the realm of intoxications and then you ask some questions "Do you understand me ?, Do I understand you ?". The answer is yes we do, answer is in our chats, in our videocall, in our Quizup or chess games. We are in this together. We know each other's past (well more than 90-95%, that's what I think) and we have accepted them and we should respect each other past, doesn't matter good or bad memories, they will be always there.

And I don't want to leave my memories in you, because I am not going anywhere. My memories will be there always with me and you. I know when i will meet you for the first time, i will show you all the screenshots and maybe i will read this letter again. We both will be there to create those memories and we will talk about them, and simultaneously creating new memories (Inception/The good place Reference :D).

You bring out my all sides (27th March) and I can't thank you enough. You know about my monotonous life since January and still you are bringing smile on my face everyday, although i don't get frustrated easily, but i know you are there.

All those beautiful things which you have been doing for me. It amazes me that you love me so much knowing that i am too far away, and what will happen when I will be with you (this feeling gives me goosebumps) and I promise to love you even more and more. Love triumphs everything.

We are working towards a better connection everyday. We are transforming ourselves under the shadows of each other. And I know how stubborn you are, and how hard you are trying your best. I don't say it too often, but i can see how fast you are growing and my Love won't let you give up on this (specially waking up a bit early in the morning :P). And same goes with me I am trying to evolve too with your Love.

I think we can feel that. We even have written down our pros and cons which we will keep revising with time. Who does these things, who put so much hardwork in the relationships, being so far away from each other. We are a good balance of Rationality and Emotionality. 

We both know that the time/situation is not very good and won't be good in near future. And we might fight, get frustrated but communication should always be there. In German there is saying by a writer Martin Buber- Ich bin, in dem du bist, roughly translated :- I am, because in me there is you. Kind of duality. And we have discussed so many things: Like geometric patterns - I am ∆ (Triangle) and you are O(circle).

All i want to say that we connect to each other with everything what we do in the different time zones everyday. And this a magic, power, luck- i really don't know. All I know that I want YOU to be there with me, because my all questions lead to you. Geborgenheit- you already know this word. This feeling is you. When I am not skeptic, I am not looking for information, when my mind is at peace - this feeling is YOU. 

You are my fire 🔥.

Let our Love grow more and more to the infinity.

Be there for me, wait for me!

We will surely survive this difficult time.

I love you!

❤️

Taro

[2getmeoutofthis]

1st post, at least 10 posts too late.

And I can’t even decide what language to write in.

English is not my first language, but for some reasons  I’ve been using it a lot, and I realized that it’s easier for me to talk about feelings/emotions in english, probably because there’s an element of disassociating myself from them when it’s not in my mother tongue? I don’t know, why am I even explaining this.

So it’s day one.

Day one of back to writing things down, day one of Sertralinum. Asertin for me, most commonly sold as Zoloft.

I’m not sure I feel any change but I also don’t think I’m supposed to, that soon?

I felt pretty nauseous today, not sure if it’s the med or just me. We’ll see.

Let’s rewind.

It’s by my estimate about 15 years I’ve been depressed. Or depressive. Who knows, can’t tell. But let’s say, it’s been at least 15 years since feeling remotely normal/happy (no, not even happy but just somewhat normal) about the world, myself and my life is something rather episodic(?) as opposed to feeling low-key depressed, constantly-in-the-background-casually-pessimistic, sometimes apathetic or just sad. Some days are better, have been better, some days are bland, some days I’m happy to see the sun and do things (well, that’s been a while but I’m on the larger picture now). If things are looking up I’m looking up too, sure. I’m usually happy when I’m in love, though it usually goes downhill somewhat fast. Because I guess you can’t really be in a functional relationship, if you have a dysfunctional relationship with yourself.

And I am not very in love with myself.

I never really wanted to kill myself, except for that one episode with overdosing on gummy candies (at least that’s how I explain it to myself - ate about 2kg of them one night and went from a super high to a really “ooooh shit i kinda wanna die” low, but yeah I didn’t attempt anything, just tried to rationalize with myself that something happened to my brain and it’ll pass. I wrote “overdosed” cause I’ve read somewhere that if you eat too much sugar too fast the brain can’t process it or something and bam you get a high and then oh boy you get a  low). Anyway, I don’t really want to die or kill myself, and never really wanted, I just don’t really act as if I wanted to live either.

And it’s not that I don’t (want to, live). I do, and I want to enjoy life, it’s just...

so fucking hard? It seems simple but it also seems like everyone is walking just fine and I’m in one of those blow-up bubbles that you can get into and say roll yourself off a hill, but I’m trying to walk on water while inside of it.

That’s me trying to be “happy” (and by happy I only mean not miserable)

So, again, I never wanted to kill myself, and that is one of the main reasons why I never sought help - because it can’t be that bad if I don’t want to kill myself, right?

Wrong. So fucking wrong.

If anyone ever reads this, I hope you don’t waste as much time as I did telling yourself you’ll get better on your own. I’m still learning that, but it’s ok to seek help. Fuck, how I wish I’d done it earlier. And I’m barely beginning to try to fix things. 1,5 year after I’ve quit my job, when I’d get to a point that I don’t have money to pay the rent, but I also just can’t really get a job or think about getting one, just a wake up-eat-sleep rinse-repeat cycle

kind of blank and kind of hungry

plans for tomorrow: none (I don’t feel like making plans and I don’t really feel like doing anything)

I kind of feel like I should go to sleep (2 am now) but the past few days getting in bed ended in me bursting in tears because it’s where the escapism ends and I’m dreading that so I guess I don’t go to sleep but then it gets later and later and I know how it fucks up everything but yeah, not like knowing things ever helped me

oh, let’s try this gratitude/good things list. I always knew I should be doing it but always was too lazy. so here we go. let’s make it 5 things i guess?

1. today J. visited me (and was supposed to motivate me to paint the ceiling in the other room and i even took a shower and got some “painting” clothes on, but only to decide I really don’t feel like it and after all feel pretty dizzy/nauseous. but this was supposed to be a good things list, so...)

- it was nice to interact with her I guess, I kind of dread human interaction these times because honestly, 1) the only thing happening to me lately is that I’m depressed, I’m depressed as fuck and possibly the worst so far, and all t he things that happen around that (i.e seeing specialists) , and I don’t necessarily want to discuss that with everyone, 2) the other thing happening to me is literally nothing, so i have literally nothing to talk about. I can talk to you about how my plants have been growing lately. or whether my cat pooped in or outside the litterbox. 3) it’s stressfull . So J. is actually much younger and already on meds for a while, also depressed+anxious+maybe other things, and honestly? feel kind of shitty to say this but when I first met her, or maybe first couple of times I felt like she’s pretty unstable (and I guess in a way she is, she is really emotional and so am I but I guess I’m just older and learned to control some things + maybe have a different temper)..anyway the funny thing is I used to think (with all my sympathy to her) that she’s like, pretty unstable and just not really well, now she visits me and she’s the one starting a job tomorrow, I’m the one who can’t even think of trying to get one. But she gets it, and I know it’s not easy for her either. She gets all of this, which is why I’m grateful that I can talk about all those things with her and not feel judged, which is why I can ‘handle’ her and honestly I don’t think I would want anyone around rn for whom I’d have to pretend like I’m a normally functioning undepressed person.

lol I fail at making lists

2. we watched “Little Miss Sunshine” (both for the first time), I’ve been putting away this movie for so many years now and it’s really a super feel-good, so I’m glad that we did.

3. I guess when she was around there were times when I was feeling pretty normal and that was nice

4. ok this is hard. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... ok i’m grateful that my cat decided not to poop outside of the litter box, it’s pretty silly but it’s really frustrating as fuck when she does it

5. Actually it was my mom’s birthday today...so I guess I should say that I’m thankful for her? :|

6. ok wooh look at me doing so great i thought of a 6th thing. I’m pretty thankful to have free health care and for the fact that (at least my meds) are so idiotically cheap I really regret not going to a psychiatrist earlier, i’d be pooooppin dem pillz like candies, yeahhh. (no not really but asertin here costs like 1.5$)

p.s I had a dream that I was this kinda weird girl (somewhat like Barb from Stranger Things maybe?) and maybe kinda retarded or at least acting like i was; I went to a library and asked the librarian for one book after another, trying to find my “father” except she’d give me a children book about fish and i’d point at one and shout “oh that’s my father!” and then go on to the next book and whatever character and claim them to be my father as well and none of it made sense and that poor girl was looking at me like “gurl you cuckoo much?” but with sort of a confused-pity, it was like i was on some weird cray search for a father figure and didn’t really know who my father was and I was recognizing “him” in every next thing I could. and then after a while of going through those books, I acclaimed that I just realized Tommy Wiseau is my father and I need to get in touch  with him, I had some weird reasoning why I thought it makes perfect sense that he is and for some reason in the dream logic it worked in my favour that I was this mentally challenged girl and didn’t really have bad intentions and I think the librarian girl sort  of helped me to get in touch with Tommy Wiseau (as opposed to any other person who would want his contact details to stalk him or something?) but not much came out of it cause I woke up.

the end (that’s a pre-ssri dream btw)

end end

[bfilmblues-blog]

Movie Review - The Last Slumber Party

No, this movie isn’t about a large surgeon fighting thunder storms. That would be an awesome movie though.

Pros: One of the most nonsensical twists I have ever seen in a movie which is kind of entertaining.

Cons: Birth of a Nation was less controversial and hateful. The theme song is now burned into my brain and unfortunately the only cure is death. Terrible ending. Terrible acting. Terrible killer. The longest quest for Orange Juice I have ever seen in any form of media.

Let me start by saying that normally as a fan of questionable music taste I can listen to the most horrible of audio treats in the world and still wear a grin on my face. Vaporwave? Bring it on. That bootleg Gaslamp Killer cut? Whatever, sounds good. That rare ICP/DMX beta track that was found in an abandoned grave in small Mexican village? Let's turn it up. Still, out of everything that has poisoned my ears "LETS GO OUT TONIGHT" is by far the worst song I have ever heard in my life. 

I don't say this lightly, who ever made that song is a terrible person but also some kind of autistic savant of audio, some kind of reverse Johann Sebastian Bach who hated both music and people. Not only does this song play every three seconds in the movie, but it also seems to have the ability to drown a ton of the dialog as well which makes it even more aggravating. Nothing shows this more then the very first scene where 99% of the dialog is drowned out in a classroom, which should be the easiest fucking place in the world to capture decent audio. I could go on for pages about how atrociously bad the sound is, but it really is something that one can only experience for themselves. I have watched a ton of low quality movies that has worse recording when it came to the audio, but it was a blessing because those movies often were terrible and not hearing the actors (Or your drunk friends you paid $2 to attempt drama) was normally a good thing. The sad part was, I was actually kind of interested in The Last Slumber Party because I am pretty sure it might be one of the most 80's of all 80's slashers I have ever seen and I was trying to find out what the hell was the deal with all the plot holes and illogical scenes put into this movie.

Well, joke is on me, I watched this like five times now and while I fully understand every line due to a crack team of Chinese secrete police who transcript the movie for me, nothing still makes sense.

The movie starts with three extremely unattractive women and the three counterpart boyfriends they have talking about summer vacation, how much summer is going to rule, and how some nerd in the background named Science rules because he helped them with their biology homework.

The three most beautiful women of Louisiana!

Meet Chris, Tracy, and Linda. Here is a easy chart to describe each character.

Chris:

Red Hair

Hates people with a different sexuality then hers so much she has to comment about it about 50230 times every single day.

Loves to drink all day, wake up at 4:00 AM, then continue drinking.

Might be a meth addict in real life.

Tracy:

Blonde

Extremely boring and stupid.

For some reason needs to bring every phone into the bathroom.

Only has like 5 lines.

Linda:

Nerd.

Has a dad who is a lackluster neurosurgery doctor.

Is holding a sleepover in the ugliest house on earth.

Really wants Man-nerd bad, which is odd because they are going out already. Don't know what that is about.

For the men counterpoints, I can't remember their names but assume each are named Jock, Goof, and Man-Nerd and they all fit the same tables as above.

Class is about to end and summer vacation is right about to start (But they are all like 30?) and the girls talk about the kickin' rad slumber party they are going to have that and if they should invite boys or not. Chris says a party without sex and men is a waste, Linda kind of twiddles her thumbs and agrees while talking about her lust over Man-nerd, and Tracy tries to remember she is in a movie but fails to do so and nibbles on her hair tips while drooling. Everyone cheers when the Bell rings, the conversation continues, and everyone goes home.

Later that night at a hospital entrance, a nurse walks out complaining that no one wants to have sex with her, which is odd considering she looks like the most attractive person in this film. She goes to a bus stop and waits on a bench while some sleepy guy next to her snores. She complains and complains and complains until finally the audience is granted mercy as our killer comes out to change things up. The killer is by far, in the movie, the most lazy of all slasher killers I have ever seen and consists of some random dude wearing scrubs. That's it, he just looks like some random guy at the ER. Anyways, the killer moves a scalpel in front of her face and she dies from this somehow. Sleepy guy, despite hearing her complain nonstop, scream bloody murder, and the struggle does not wake up. He wakes up afterwards and starts complaining that the bus is taking forever. The killer, obviously annoyed at this doofus, kills sleepy guy for a double whammy.

The face of evil. Hygienic evil. Also, that's the director.

We eventually learn the killer is some kind of random guy who had a lobotomy and became evil for no reason. With part of his brain gone, he now runs around town lightly stabbing people and being a jerk at various parties. Other then that, we never get a name, motivation, or any further background on him. Hell, even in the credits they just label him "Maniac" which is the height of laziness. The only snippets we get are when Linda's dad gets various phone calls we can't hear and he can blandly reply with things like "Oh, that maniac escaped? That's too bad." and "I need to find that maniac. I think."

Now, I have seen a bunch of bad actors in my day, but I might have to say the actor playing Linda's father may be near the worst. Every line he has is read with zero emotion. He can't have any facial expression besides minor puzzlement. Also, he sounds like a robot. I'm not joking when I say that all the actors in Birdemic did a better job then this asshole.

We finally get the titular slumber party and uh... well, not much is happening.

...You guys wanna play monopoly or something?

The girls sit around in various moo-moo's and sleep jerseys while looking bored as hell doing nothing. They do have a slight dance at the start, but it's interrupted by Linda's dad who says he has to get Orange Juice, for the girls to behave, the music they are playing sucks and he then leaves the house. After being burned on the music, they sit down and watch TV where a black static image of a news logo tells them that two people were murdered at the bus stop! DUN DUN DUUAAAAA~ - But they don't care because it's not connected to them in anyway and it’s Louisiana, so people get murdered all the time.

Of course, after hearing about the horrific murders, they immediately think of romance and debate on calling "Men-folk". It's at this point in the movie where suddenly every single person has a southern accent. There was no southern accents before, but now they are in full force. Every sentence ends with "Bless ya'll hearts" and "NASCAR RULES!".

Before they can call dem' ol' boys - well, they show up. They knock on the window with dumb Halloween masks and Chris calls them gay homo's for like, a half hour before they leave to go get some beer. This is a reoccurring theme in the movie where Chris will have a discussion with one of the male counterparts and often goes into a diatribe about how they must be gay and love the idea of having men tongue every orifice they own in a hedonistic sodomy session. It's really nonsensical and so out of place, but almost 90% of her script reads like bizarre homoerotic sex fantasy the director must keep hidden.

Welcome to beautiful Louisiana!

At the gas station, the guys drink in the parking lot when Linda's dad shows up still on his holy quest for Orange Juice. They talk back and forth when Linda's dad is like "Welpp... shit, prob - no Orange juice at this gas station, I better check my work. By work, I mean, the hospital." and just leaves the set. Science, the nerd from the first scene shows up. The guys throw a beer at Science and tell him to party hard, because it's summer! Science looks slightly miffed at this friendly jest and leaves. The guys then describe in great detail who is going to have sex with who, how much summer vacation rules and about how much fun it is to drink beer. All in all, seems like normal high school talk, except you know, that they all look 30-ish.

Back at the slumber party, the girls debate still for another five fucking hours if they should call the boys. Uh - They already said they were coming back. Calm down, ladies. After talking about boys, calling boys, and if smoking pot is cool (They come to conclusion it's not while continuing to pound shots) they finally decide it's time for bed. While they are heading upstairs, one of the boys somehow ends up at the house before the rest of them, had a ladder placed against the bedroom window, and climbs up and enters the room just as the ladies enter it. They pull him inside and after an absurdly awkward conversation between Chris and him involving homosexuality, Chris pushes the girls out the room and explains she wants to get busy. Before that, though, she has to shower. Uh - Ok. She tells him to lay on the bed and in the connecting bathroom, she showers for what seems like four hours - during that time, Science comes into the bedroom and kills Jock-kid who was laying there waiting for some muskrat love. After killing him, he puts his body in the closet.

Huh.

Now you are thinking - Why would Science kill this guy? Is Science the main killer now? The answer to both of those questions are I don't know, and no. For some reason, that light joke about being more upbeat about summer vacation really set off Science, so now he has a blood lust. Whatever. They never explain or show why Science would kill the people who liked him or why he would kill them, but also do their homework for them too, but uh - arughh - my brain.

Chris comes out and in frustration that another man would accept death rather then have relations with her screams to the heavens calling Jock-man a fag and queerbait nonstop over and over before finally getting exhausted from her rant and heading back downstairs with the other girls. Science hides in the corner of the room during all this and is able to not be found. Once again, I’m not sure why Science is there or why he is filled with murderous rage, but hey, that’s horror for you.

Like poetry, Tracy finds goof kid, they go upstairs to have sex and goof kid asks if she has any drugs. Unsure if she does have drugs, Tracy goes into the bathroom to search for some while Science murders the hell out of this loser and chucks his body out the window. During this time, the real killer comes in from the ladder and watches Science doing his stuff while nodding in approval.

Just so you know, there is now two killers in this room, both have not communicated with each other and both are easily hiding in different places in the room. Only the real killer knows Science is in there. While Science does his normal hide in the closet, real killer decides he is a under the bed guy.

Tracy leaves the bedroom, calls goof kid a homo a couple of times because of his disappearance, then screams because she finds a knife the floor. All the girls meet up in the room and discuss where the knife could have came from. After a slight bickering session, they decide it's all a prank from the guys and all cuddle in bed together to go to sleep. In the same room. With the two killers. Oddly enough, the killers leave them be and continue hiding. Seriously. They sleep for like five hours and no one disturbs them. Pretty polite killers, really.

You know a film is bad when even the dude who likes FIRSTRYKE says it's bad.

Chris has a dream where she wanders around a house for like twenty minutes doing nothing while terrible synth music plays. Finally, after the most boring dream of all time, she gets stabbed by various people and wakes up. All the girls are fine, everyone is still asleep. Also, the killers might be asleep too, who knows? Anyways, Chris gets up and decides it's time to start drinking. Hitting the liquor cabinet that isn't hers, she picks up the phone right when it rings (Rude) and gets some heavy breathing. Freaked out, she runs upstairs and tells the other girls about the dreadful phone call. They both could care less. Speaking of phone calls, the conversation then cuts to them debating if they should call the boys again for the 100th time. It’s like, 5:00 AM. Jeez, calm down ladies.

Chris is like "Whatever, I'm drinking" and Linda goes with her. Tracy continues to sleep in bed where she is almost murdered by Science in her sleep, but Science is dispatched by our main killer and is thrown out the window. Haha, that's what you get for not enjoying summer vacation, NERD! Main killer then kills Tracy, stabs Linda off screen, and sits around the bedroom doing nothing. Chris continues to drink when Linda's mom gets a call waking her up from dad saying he is still getting orange juice and will be back home soon. Dude? It's been like 10 hours. This causes Linda's mom to get up and tell Chris to shut the gate outside for some reason. Chris goes outside and see's the guys car, confused why there would be a car but no boys to call gay, she goes into detective mode.

And here is where the movie hits a climax. By climax, I mean the most absurd and slow ending ever put into a horror film. Chris walks around the house looking at nothing forever. There was less walking and looking in Homeward Bound. Honestly, it’s just like ten minutes of her walking around a house inspecting various things while the killer always hides somewhat in random frames and looking as goofy as possible. After the longest walking scene in any film ever created, Chris discovers the phone lines have been cut and Tracy is dead upstairs. Chris, by far, has the best reaction to this I have ever seen as she goes “Eh” and just walks out of the the room.

Jeepers Creepers,  Fuck. Oh well, time to drink.

Now, I know it’s Louisiana and I assume it must be pretty normal there to see your best friend murdered by some kind of random violence, but it may just be a bit of bad acting when you have no emotional reaction whatsoever to seeing a corpse in a bed. Like, I get it, acting is hard or whatever, but come on, lady. Chris wanders around till she gets back downstairs and Linda's mom bumps into her. She is like “Oh, uh - I’m dead.” and just falls over holding her throat. We are supposed to assume she was stabbed and wandering around in a panic, but instead she looks kind of bored and lazily falls onto a sofa. Neat.

Linda then also taps Chris on the shoulder and says “Get help.” before also falling on the floor dead from an invisible stab wound. Why, this slumber party is terrible... in fact, I hope it’s The Last Slumber Party! Once again, despite seeing two people she knows die, Chris has no reaction whatsoever and proceeds to walk around the house some more, because twenty minutes of that wasn’t enough. Armed with a large knife, she walks and walks and walks and walks an - Whoops, in a moment of awkwardness, Chris believes she notices the killer and lunges her knife at a figure around a corner and it’s the last doppelganger boyfriend. He dies instantly and yet again Chris has no reaction to this, but instead is just like “Meh.” while leaving the knife inside of him and walking off. 

 Finally, Chris meets the killer. Who will win? They both almost have similar body counts and only one may survive. Truly, this will be an epic battle of survival as - Oh, Chris just stabs him once and he dies. Well, shoot, that was easy. After a full night of binge drinking and murder, Chris passes out next to the killer in the kitchen. Huh... so fifty minutes of walking and a 10 second battle between the killer and the final survivor? Now that is some good film making.

Finally, dad comes home and HEY - He still forgot the Orange Juice! What the hell has this idiot been doing for eleven hours? He goes inside his home and looks at everything all broke/smashed up and his phone lines cut. He rolls his eyes, goes to the fridge and drinks a tall glass of orange ju - Ugh. I just - Come on, director. After his beverage, he continues to look around, still continues to look around, and finally is like “Meh, I should go to work” and drives to work, where upon reaching work he rides the elevator up to his office where he is killed by the killer. How did the killer get up there? Who knows. Anyways, Chris wakes up in the house, steps outside towards the pool, and that Killer must have the fastest running legs on earth because he is now back at the house and attempts to kill her in the pool. Alas, with a big fuck you to the audience, Chris suddenly wakes up and it was all a dream.

Now, “It was a dream” endings are always terrible, but this one somehow continues the stride of doing things on a legendary bad scale decides not only was that not enough, but to keep pushing and somehow get the most dumb ending of all time. Chris wakes up, calls her friends and asks if they are still doing the slumber party. Blah blah blah - Chris goes to her Linda's house and the killer sneaks in, it’s like some eternal loop of bad plot holes and confusion. Scream, credits.

You can watch the whole movie on Youtube, I believe. Check it out and let me know what you think. I would normally write a conclusion, but I just can’t for movie. It’s abysmally bad but at the same time unlike most b-films it is not entertaining either. It’s some weird void of garbage that never brought joy or happiness to anyone or anything.