#demon nik because yeS

[indoodlingmadness]

This is a comic I made for a Huskerdust AU I'm roleplaying with a friend. We called it the Loser Diaries AU, because the idea is that Nik (human name I chose for Husk, it's short for Nikolai, yes he's a russian immigrant in this AU) and Tony meet when they're human, date for 10 years until Tony eventually, tragically dies from overdose. And then Nik keeps the diary, addressing all the following entries to Tony, as if he's talking to him. They diary (a real google docs file) follows the rest of Nik's life, his sorrows, his career as a professional magician in Vegas, and his eventual fall from grace as he crashes and burns after a messy divorce (it was an awful marriage in the first place and did nothing to help him move on) and sinks deep into his vices.

The last entry in the diary implies that Nik finally had enough, and ended his own life at 67 years old, to meet Tony again. (Threw himself off the tallest casino in vegas.) Nik goes to hell, renames himself Husk because of all the emptiness he feels inside, and never. EVER. Stops looking for Tony. The whole reason he even became an overlord and built the casino was to find him. But he never did. Eventually he had to give it up, or at least try to accept there was a real chance Tony got permanently erased from existance.

Then he meets Angel Dust. God, who does he think he is?? Annoying, disrespectful, impossible bastard of a man. But fuck he does sing good, at least.

So Angel starts working for him part time, with Valentino's approval. They get closer, starting a bit of a relationship. Husk has a million hang ups about Tony, he feels like he's betraying him despite everything. Angel doesn't fully trust Husk because he's an overlord.

Eventually it all boils over and they have a messy fight. Husk had paid to have the diary returned to him from the human world, it was sitting there in his desk the entire time. Angel gets angry, Husk comes clean about Tony. Angel gets even more enraged. Husk leaves him be, and Angel completely trashes his office, finds the diary, and remembers everything. The gambling of the contract only happens after they truly confirm it's them, Nik and Tony behind these new demon forms. And they... they don't live happily ever after, they have a ton of shit to work through. Nik being suicidal and insecure, Tony's sexual trauma and years of abuse. But you know what? At least they're in this shit together. And they wouldn't have it any other way.

[nrdmssgs]

Zhar NSFW aphabet

Because a few demons befriended me (I love them)

Masterlist with OCs stuff

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Before meeting Nikolai she was always the caring figure almost every single time. Olga genuinely loved taking care of her last girlfriend. Kissing all her weak spots, wiping away any aftermath, bring her water, treats, run her a bath, lull her to sleep, while holding her ever so softly - Olga did it all gladly. So the first nights with Nikolai felt strange. Poor Zhar couldn't understand, what should she do while he is taking care of her.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Olga loves girls collarbones and that place where their necks meet their shoulders. Those lines, angles and curves make her weak. With Nikolai it's another story, of course. His hands drive her mind to some unholy places.

When it comes to her - she loves the lower part of her belly. Soft curves, but still a trained body. An invitation, a dare embodied.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Her lips will be all over you, sir/ma'am, so feel free to paint them. Olga is actually quite ok with any spot of your choice. Just keep this all protected.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Once she returned to her place after deployment and discovered, she had new neighbors across the street. What was interesting about that couple is that they seemed to be afraid of the dark and liked the flow of fresh air, so they were pretty on the display for a whole night. She didn't stare (for too long), but the image of these two ravishing on each other, taking care, edging, coming, was so appealing, it practically imprinted on Lts mind. She sent them flowers. No note, no nothing - just a gesture of gratitude.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

More experienced with women. With guys, she makes it all about them, faking it. Doesn't work with Nikolai, however.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

With girls: either the one, you're comfortable enough in to let her eat you out, or making you sit on her lap in front of a mirror. She doesn't want to just please her girl - she wants her girl to see, how beautiful she is, when Olga makes her come all over her fingers.

With Nikolai: straddling him, while he sits. The eye contact, his voice so close to her, his hands roaming around, pulling her closer, the perfect angle. Also him standing behind her, pressing her against the wall, caging her body, nipping on her neck, half-whispering half-growling praises and teases...? Yes, please.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

She can be a tease herself, used to do it a lot, so there was a bit of joking here and there. But then she met the guy, who lives to tease, and had to taste her own medicine. So Zhar is more serious with Nikolai.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

After the incident in A heart, she tends just to remove all the hair from her intimate zones. So that her skin looks more or less even (in terms of hair growth)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Very careful about showing Nik her soft, romantic side. Sometimes she wants to throw away, whatever keeps her busy at the moment, find him and just hold him tight for as long as he lets her. Zhar is secretly touch starved. But showing it would mean declaring, she needs this particular man more than she is ready to admit. Olga believes, he will at some point move on, find someone really worthy, so she tries to not make it harder for him.

Its a good thing, Nikolai has all the time in the world to convince her otherwise. He is not going anywhere, she is not yet another whim of his.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Tends to neglect her body's needs. After what she experienced as a teenager - she doesn't really think, that she deserves to feel good. Could go on for months without touching herself. It only went worse after joining the TF141. "Who needs sex, when we have so much work" was a joke for all the guys, except her. Instead of paying attention to her body she just volunteered for more work. It didn't help, that she had no female friends to talk to and never shared too much with Kyle, her best friend (he could at least have explained her, that Price and Ghost became such good soldiers not because they never paid attention to their needs).

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Voice kink. Very heavy one. So Nik got the Jackpot right there.

Blindfold sex.

Wax play

Claiming. Because someone does it every single time.

Somnophilia. She sees it as one of the best ways to wake up to, but it will take her time to admit it to Nikolai.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Tries to keep low profile and behave on bases (both Chimera and 141). Tries so very hard to make Nikolai behave in hangars and around his iron bird. At some point she will fail.

Her favorite places are the ones, where she feels safe and doesn't need to protect her beloved ones. Nikolais house has many magical spots (kitchen, shower, outer deck).

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Seeing, how good/skilled her partner is in anything. Nik repairing his heli does things to her, so she tries to not spend too much time near him. Hearing him negotiating, planning the mission, seeing him piloting is also hard...

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Spanking. She can endure through much pain - she just doesnt want to bring it in her bedroom.

Age play. There is an age gap between her and Nikolai, but she was never into this DD/LG thing. Thats actually why she snapped at him in a Heart, when he called her 'little one' (he was referring to her height all this time btw).

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Before Nikolai she was all about giving. Zhar would start simulating, when someone went down on her after a few minutes, just because she feels ashamed, that she needs much time and attention. But Nik has time. All the time. And he loves spending it in his moaning, heavily breathing, almost crying heaven.

Zhar feels very sorry, she can't take Nik fully due to his size, but loves the feeling of him against her tongue. Little does she know, he gets off even of a view of her kneeling before him.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Loves it rough. But Nik spends such an ungodly amount of time on foreplay, that she is usually on a verge of release even when he just starts with slow long thrusts.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Due to their extremely tight timetables, quickies happen quite often (they need a proper vacation with proper dates).

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Zhar trusts Nikolai with almost any experiment, he is interested in, as long as it happens not on the base.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Doesn't last too long with Nik because this guy shamelessly stimulates all her weak spots simultaneously. But gladly goes for another round for a few times. Just a few minutes of Nikolais raspy voice tickling her ears is enough to convince her.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

She never really had time to explore different options and decide, which fits her the most. And the guilt for pleasing herself was too potent to even start thinking of involving toys.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Loves teasing. It's not the easiest task with Nikolai, but on rare occasions a message pops up on his smartphone in the middle of Chimeras debriefing... Usually it happens, when some other soldier talks. His eyes dart to the screen, and to her, sitting on the other side of room, seemingly paying no attention to anything, but debriefing, definitely not having sent her boyfriend a photo, she made in the shower last evening. Poor thing doesn't count on Nikolai actually having the nerve to cut the debriefing short and let everyone except his second in command go.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Has the tendency to cover her mouth, so that she is quiet, even when they are in private. But Nikolai doesn't tolerate such a behavior. He needs her to scream his name, he gets drunk on sounds of her whimpers and moans. Her breathy 'please' and 'yes' sends him.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Almost all her colleagues (141) considered Olga an asexual for ages. Only one person knew, she had a life beyond the base.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

I mean look at her

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Quite low before she met Nikolai. Or so she thought. Because her body aches for sex, its been begging her for some action for years, but she kept neglecting. It scares her sometimes, how badly she needs Nik to pull her closer, ignore her weak reasoning and just go for it. So it all gets better.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

In Nikolais hands - quite quickly. But she tended to feel really worried about a few first times because of her burns and he spent quite some time on talking her through that stress.

[bella-rose29]

Not Your Lover - Chapter 7

a week late but it's finally here! I had assignments that were kicking my ass all week and for some reason I couldn't get this chapter right for ages (I really wanted it to be right bc its so important)

please don't hate me for what you're about to read

I'm maintaining the idea that Gregor knew the relationship was fake the whole time bc nikolai told him

Series master list

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings: swearing, mentions of assault (from Davor), Nikolai being stupid about relationships, awkward conversations, panic attack, Evalina is a bitch, reader's mother is also a bitch, reader has a lot of doubts about herself, reader's father is a saint, mentions of divorce, reader is being mildly irrational (but at least she's aware of it), trust issues, unhappy ending to the chapter (sorry)

Tag list: @a-candle-maker, @bubybubsters, @el-de-phi, @hauntedenthusiasttragedy, @iambored24601, @itsyoboo-jassy, @karensirkobabes, @kentucky-criedfricken, @little8sun, @mrsklockwood, @mvidaaaa, @nalie-98, @naushtheaspiringauthor, @notoakay, @pietromaximoffsbabe, @simbaaas-stuff

As always, let me know here if you would like to be added to/removed from my Nikolai tag list <3

(not my image)

Gregor was startled when Nik came into the shop that morning, given the early hour.

He'd composed himself quickly upon hearing somebody walk in, terrified it would be him again, but when the undercover ex-royal's blond head poked through the doorframe instead, Gregor let out a small sigh of relief.

"You alright? You look a bit... ill," Nik asked, frowning as he stepped into the office.

"I'm fine," he stood a little straighter, still unsure how to act in Nik's presence. It had been a good few weeks since figuring out who his new apprentice was, but Gregor had no idea whether it was impolite to boss around the previous king of Ravka. Nik didn't seem to mind, though, and he really was good with machines. "What are you doing here this early?" He moved around the desk, shuffling papers in the hopes that the other man wouldn't notice how messy the room was.

"I, uh... needed some air. Figured you would be here, so I thought that I would come and see if you needed anything."

"What d'ya need air for? Relationship giving you problems?" Gregor joked, but upon seeing Nik's grimace he stopped laughing. "Shit, really?"

"No. Yeah. No- ugh, I don't know. It's difficult. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Oi, don't change the subject on me, boy. Sit. Talk to me." It would take Gregor's mind off of what had happened before Nik walked in. The blond man slumped in a chair, legs sprawling and a hand running tiredly over his face.

"We had sex."

Gregor froze where he stood, not expecting that to be the cause for Nik's stress. "You... you had sex? And now you're, what, hiding?"

"Yes, I'm hiding, because she doesn't know who I am, Gregor, and she has severe trust issues, and I think I might actually have feelings for her!"

"Right..." Gregor lowered himself into his own chair, still processing everything. "So you had sex with your fake girlfriend, and now you think that you've got feelings."

"Yes. Saints, this is horrible."

"Well, it's not brilliant."

"Of course it isn't!"

"So-" Gregor broke off, sighing as he tried to figure out what the hell was going on. "Just... talk to her. I'm sure she'll understand." Nik just stared at him, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

"You have met Y/n, haven't you? Doesn't like men in general, hates liars, had a very strong opinion on my personality based purely on what I look like?"

"She likes you too, idiot. She'd just rather die before admitting that she's got feelings for somebody again."

"What? She said that?"

"Not directly," Gregor shrugged, delighting in the way that the younger man sat up eagerly. "But she talks about you a lot, and she doesn't always have a demonic gleam in her eye like she wants to kill you when she does so. Besides, she's tolerated your presence a lot longer than she would if she didn't like you that way."

"Really? That still doesn't mean she won't react badly though. You know her, Gregor, she's not going to wrap me in a hug and ask me to marry her for lying to her face for weeks. I've gained her trust, and she's going to feel like I've broken it, and then she'll think that I'm like Davor, and I can't have her think I'm like him, because he's awful, and-"

"Alright! Take a breath, yeah? Look. At some point, she's gonna find out that you've been... obscuring certain parts of your life, yeah?" Nik nodded. "So she might as well find out from you, and it might as well happen very soon, because otherwise she will literally never talk to you again. Now, you've got it going for you that you have a genuine reason for not openly advertising who you really are, and from what I can tell, your intentions are good. Davor was an asshole- well, he still is, to be honest," Gregor swallowed, moving on quickly. "You at least are a good guy, yeah? So hopefully Y/n won't hate you for too long."

"Okay. I'll tell her later. Oh Saints, this won't be pretty, will it?"

"Not likely, no. But it's gotta be done, yeah?"

"Thank you, Gregor. Really." He nodded, smiling gently at Nik. They sat in silence for a while, Gregor staring mindlessly out the window and Nik with his hands over his face. "Did somebody break in?" Nik's voice was suddenly too loud in the office, and Gregor stiffened.

"Why?"

"Your paperwork is messier than usual. And the picture frame is wonky." Nik pointed to the photo of Gregor as a child, his parents and siblings surrounding him. He was right; it had been knocked. "Gregor... did something happen?"

"No. Nothing that matters. It's fine." He pushed out of the armchair, moving toward the door to the rest of the shop. Nik followed, springing up to stop him before he could leave and placing a hand on his arm. The action made Gregor flinch, and Nik took his hand back, concern clear on his face.

"Seriously, what happened?"

"Davor. He uh- he came in before you got here. Wanted to know stuff about you, asking questions about who you are. I didn't tell him anything, you know how good I am at keeping secrets, but he pushed me against that wall, that's why the picture's off. I'm fine, promise." Nik cursed under his breath, and Gregor looked down at his shoes. He was a grown man, for fuck's sake. Why was he scared of somebody thirty years younger than him? It was embarrassing, how threatened he felt, but he couldn't help it.

"Hey," Nik's voice was soft, and Gregor felt ashamed at the feel of tears on his cheeks. "I'll see what he wants, okay? See if I can get him out the town, yeah? If I really have to I'll write to the palace and come up with some grand masterplan to have him sent away to the Southern Colonies or something."

"You don't need to do that, Nik. It's alright. I'm fine."

"You keep saying that, but you're clearly not. If he's threatened you then I'm going to find out what it is he's after, okay? He needs to know that he can't keep doing this." Gregor met Nik's eyes, the sight slightly blurry from his tears but the sincerity in his gaze clear as anything. Gregor had never really understood how an entire country could put their trust in one man like they had with Nikolai when he was king, but seeing the determination and promise in his eyes, Gregor knew that Nikolai would do what he said.

It was a shame, really, that rumours had a tendency to ruin things. Nikolai would most certainly have been the best King that Ravka ever had.

~~~

When Y/n woke up, she frowned at the lack of warmth in the hotel room.

It didn't come as much of a surprise, given the incredibly shitty temperature control in the hotel and the fire dying out overnight, but usually she woke up on Nik's chest, his body heat keeping her warm.

Instead the bed was empty, and his clothes were gone.

Blinking the last of the sleep away, Y/n took deep breaths, hoping that Nik had simply gone to get breakfast, or was needed by Gregor. She stubbornly refused to listen to the voice in her head that was telling her that he was just like Davor, and pushed back the covers to get dressed.

A few minutes later footsteps sounded on the stairs, and the door was pushed open slowly (clearly trying not to disturb anyone) followed by Nik entering the room. "Oh, you're awake."

"Yeah. Not been up long. Where have you been?" It was awkward, an obvious tension in the air. Y/n was also stubbornly refusing to remember the night before.

"Went to see Gregor. Davor visited him, threatened him. I'm going to go and talk to him in a bit. Oh, I got breakfast, too." He passed over a brown paper bag, and Y/n recognised it as one of hers from the bakery.

"Thanks," she replied, internally wincing at the silence that followed. "I should... I should head to work."

"Yeah, of course." He moved to the side, freeing up the doorway. Y/n paused on her way out, one hand holding the door open, the other clutching the bag for dear life.

"Should- maybe- are we...? Should we talk?" She could feel her face heat up, and to her relief Nik started blushing too. At least she wasn't the only one flustered by the events of last night.

"Uh, yeah? Yes, talking would be good." Y/n let go of the door, angling her body towards his. "Oh, you mean now? Okay."

"Would you rather... talk later? I just thought-"

"No, no, now is fine, I- You said you needed to- never mind. Uh, what did you want to talk about?" He winced, clearly unhappy with how he'd just handled that, and Y/n stifled a snort.

"Just, you know. We're not meant to be actually dating, but last night was... Well, I don't know that I can fake date you anymore, Nik." He stared at her, and suddenly the slight confession felt silly.

"What- what are you trying to say? That you want to- to date for real?"

"I guess? I don't know, this is confusing for me, okay?" Y/n felt herself smiling. "I think I might actually have feeli-"

"Don't." Nik's voice was rough, and her smile faded. "You don't... you don't know me, and I'm scared that you'll hate me for it." He sounded strangled, like it was causing him physical pain to say the words, and Y/n's heart plummeted in her chest.

"So tell me, Nik. Tell me, because I want to know! And I hate myself for letting you in when I told myself I wouldn't fall for anybody again, but you and your persistent personality wriggled their way into my life and now I don't know that I can go without you, so tell me." He looked pained, and paler than usual. "Please," she whispered, barely registering how desperate she sounded. When he didn't speak for a while, Y/n gave up, turning to leave. "I've got to get to work, but I'll see you later at the mansion, right? We've only got seven days left now." Nik nodded, and Y/n sighed as she closed the door behind her. Her stomach growled and she opened the bag, peering inside.

He'd got her favourite.

~~~

Nikolai Lantsov could talk himself out of any situation, and could manipulate every conversation to his advantage, but somehow he'd managed to lose that ability when Y/n had walked in to his life.

He wished he could go back to hating her, because that was so much easier than loving her.

He hadn't missed the way that she implied that she'd fallen in love with him, but knowing that he'd been lying to her about his identity for the past three weeks made him feel guilty for being pleased that she reciprocated his feelings. He told himself that he'd tell her everything later that day, when they were in the mansion so that it was just the two of them, and the unease at not knowing how she would react crept up his spine and sat heavy on his mind.

He turned a corner, boots coming into contact with the wooden planks of the docks. He'd shoved his hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched against the sea breeze as he scanned for Davor.

"Can I help you?"

Whirling around, Nikolai saw the very man he was searching for, and he wondered where the hell he'd appeared from. "I was looking for you, actually. Heard you paid a visit to Gregor this morning, asking about me?"

"Yeah."

Nikolai resisted the urge to slap his palm to his forehead, or scream in frustration at the monosyllabic answer. Or to do both. "What did you want to know? You could have just asked me, you know. You don't have to go around threatening people." Davor shrugged.

"Would you really tell me what I wanted to know?"

"Depends on what it is," Nikolai cracked a smile, internally praising the man for using a long sentence for once.

"Why are you pretending to date Y/n?" Nikolai hid his shock, pushing the demon down in his mind when it rose up in outrage.

"I'm not," he replied slowly, letting confusion lace his features and a disbelieving laugh come out. "Why do you think that we're faking it? Are you jealous that she's moved on?"

"You are faking it, I know you are." Davor smiled then, but Nikolai hadn't seen anything less joyful since the Darkling. It was cold and cruel, and he suppressed a shudder. "I have proof." Nikolai's mind was racing, trying to think of anything that Davor could have seen or heard to draw that conclusion, and he tried to not let the panic show on his face.

"Well," he said, allowing an incredulous smile to appear. "I'd love to know what it is!" That was the key: don't let anybody see how you really felt. Let them think that you have the upper hand, that you believe that your version of it is the truth, and then the situation is yours to handle.

"I don't think so. I'm talking to Y/n's mother in a bit. In the square. Everybody will know that you're fakes, using this stupid excuse for her stupid dream. Seven days, right? Time's a-ticking, Dominik. I'll see you in the square?" He turned and walked off back towards the town centre, and Nikolai could only stare after him, fear creeping up his spine.

No no no no no, he thought, panicking. This isn't good.

~~~

Y/n had been taking her lunch break when it all went to shit.

She'd barely been out the shop for five minutes when she saw Davor talking to her mother, and immediately she knew that whatever it was couldn't have been good. None of that was helped by the mildly disastrous conversation that she'd had with Nik that morning, and now she didn't know where she stood with him.

She'd frozen upon seeing the two of them, causing people wandering around in the busy marketplace to bump in to her, frowning slightly when they did so. Her throat started closing up, her chest tightening and making it difficult to breath, and her breaths came much shorter and sharper than normal. Now people were frowning for a different reason, some looking like they wanted to help but not entirely sure what to do, and others frowning because she was starting to make a scene. Y/n barely registered them though, unable to tear her eyes away from Davor and her mother. Everything was too close and too far away all at once, and was the world spinning? Fuck, she needed to move, to get out, to leave, but her body wouldn't let her. She wasn't sure how long she stood there, whether it was two seconds or two hours, but she did notice when a figure blocked out the sun and wrapped her in his arms, murmuring softly in her ear that 'it's alright, darling' as one hand stroked her back and the other tangled in her hair. Eventually her breathing matched his, and each breath she took smelt entirely of Nik, and she pulled her head away from his chest.

"What happened, darling?" he asked, voice quiet and gentle as he moved the hand in her hair to cup her cheek instead, thumb brushing away the tears that had slipped out.

"Da-" she coughed, her voice rough. "Davor. He's talking to my mother." Nik's eyes widened, and he whipped his head around to follow her gaze.

"Shit. Okay. I spoke to him, just now, he thinks this is fake and he seems to be sure that he has proof."

"W-What?" The tears threatened to fall again, everything too fragile and likely to break at any moment. Nik hadn't moved his hands and she was glad for it; the action kept her grounded. He glanced around, biting his lip as he furrowed his brow in thought before moving them over to a quiet spot.

"We need to figure out what's going on with us," he started.

"Yeah, no shit. I mean, how are we meant to convince people that we're in a relationship if we ourselves don't fucking know?" He sighed, running a hand over his face.

"Ok, then let's talk." He stared at her expectantly, but Y/n only stared back.

"You're the one that needs to talk, Nik. I think I've made myself clear enough. I want to date you, for real, and I want to know you. If you don't want that then tell me now and we'll figure something else out."

"I'm afraid, alright? I'm afraid that if you know the truth, you'll hate me, and you won't want to be with me."

"So... does that mean that... you do want to be with me?"

"Saints, of course I do. I'd be an idiot to not want to wake up with you every morning, or fall asleep next to you every night. To not want to be the one holding your hand, or kissing you, or to be the one that you love. I just- I know how you felt about me when we first met, and I know that Davor really fucked your view of men, and I don't want to be the reason that gets worse."

Y/n didn't reply for a while, and Nik started to look worried that she was going to agree with him, and tell him to leave and never talk to her again.

Before she could respond, having looked up and seen his concerned expression, Evalina appeared.

"I hear you're single, handsome," the woman purred, and Nik visibly cringed away from her. She cast a look at Y/n, sneering as she grabbed Nik's arm.

"No, I'm not," he said, voice hard.

"Well word is that you two are faking it." Another sneer. "So I think that means you're here for the taking." She was winding her fingers up his arm, and Y/n couldn't bear to watch anymore. She shoved Evalina away, taking Nik's arm defensively.

"Stay the fuck away from him." She vaguely noted the shock on the other woman's face, and the glare on her own, and before she had time to think about anything she'd marched off in the direction of the mansion, leaving Nik behind.

~~~

"Dominik? Could we have a word?" Y/m/n called out, and Nikolai wanted to punch something. He needed to follow Y/n, and figure out what their plan was, but her mother was very insistent and wouldn't let him leave. "Now. Davor here tells me that you and my daughter were faking a relationship so that she could spend council money and do up the mansion."

"That's a lie," Nikolai growled, and he felt the demon stir.

"Well I think that Davor is more believable than you, Dominik." Nikolai's laugh was humourless, and he looked between the two of them. Y/m/n was smug, thinking that she had the upper hand, and Davor was... well Davor was impassive as always, but for the glint in his eye that seemed somewhat sharper than normal.

"I'm sorry, you actually believe him over your own daughter?"

"Y/n hasn't been a good daughter for a while now, not since she met you. Davor was always good to her, so yes, I'll believe him over her any day." Nikolai could only stare in horror at the woman. How could she despise her own daughter that much?

"Fuck you," he said, turning on his heel. He wasn't going to waste his time talking to her when she wasn't going to care about a word he said.

"Excuse me?"

"I said fuck you. Have you ever stopped to think about her, or was it always about what you wanted?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" She looked outraged, and Nikolai thought she didn't have any right to do so.

"You've fucking destroyed her, do you know that? She hates you for what you've done, and you will never fix that. You've pushed so hard for Y/n to be what you want her to be and you have never once considered what she wants to be. You have never asked what her dreams are, her goals, her aspirations. You don't listen to her when you need to, because you are already busy thinking about how to convince her to do what you want, and she hates you for it. And if either of you go near either of us again, I will fucking ruin you, okay? Because I love her, and I will not let you destroy her again." He left them behind, not caring that he'd finished by shouting, and went in search of Y/n.

~~~

Everything sucked.

Y/n blamed it entirely on Davor, of course, since he was the reason she couldn't trust men properly, and Nik was so good and wonderful that it hurt that she couldn't express her fears about being in a relationship with him. It's not that she didn't want to; Saints, she hadn't wanted anything this much since the mansion when she was a kid, but there was so much that could go wrong or hurt her more than Davor hurt her, and she'd promised herself that she wouldn't let her heart be shattered again.

She'd been about to tell him all of that, tell him that she was afraid too, but by the Saints she wanted to try, when Evalina appeared, and then the doubts about whether Nik would always stay with Y/n or move on to somebody better, somebody prettier, crept in, and she couldn't bear the knowledge that she would always have competition making her feel like she wasn't enough and had left.

Shoving Evalina had felt good though.

Now Y/n was hiding in the mansion, which wasn't terribly effective as a hiding spot since she spent a lot of her time in the building and it was probably the first place that anybody would look for her, but it calmed her. A soft knock on the door startled her slightly, and when she looked up she expected to see Nik.

"Dad?"

"Hey, thought I might find you here. What's going on?" He came and sat down next to her on the floor, pulling her into his side and stroking her back while she cried into his shirt. Y/n explained everything: how she and Nik had faked the relationship so that her mother would give her the grant for the building and so that Nik could stop worrying about being grabbed by Evalina and the other women in town, how she'd hated him at first but loved him now, and he felt the same, and how she thought she would always be scared that it would only be a matter of time before Nik realised that he was better off without her and left. When she'd finished, her tears had long since dried, and her voice was hoarse from crying.

"I just don't know what to do, Dad. Because I know Nik, and I know he's not Davor, but he's right. Davor did really fuck with my view of men and I don't know how to fix that."

"I think you just need to tell him how you feel, love. He's a good guy, I know he is, and I'm sure that he'll understand and he'll want to help you- don't you look at me like that, you need somebody to help you. I don't care if you're an independent woman because people, no matter what, need somebody that loves them unconditionally, and Nik is that somebody for you."

"You mean that?"

"Absolutely. Please, just tell him all of this."

"Okay. I'll go find him," Y/n sniffled, wiping her face and standing up.

"Atta girl." Her father had stood up too, and was dusting off his trousers. "Y/n?"

"Yeah?"

"I uh, I don't want you to think that it's your fault, at all," he started, expression earnest. "But, well..."

"Spit it out, Dad," she joked.

"I'm divorcing your mother."

Y/n could only stare at him in shock, not entirely sure where this was coming from. Her mother might be a bitch but she at least thought that her parents loved each other. "What? Why?"

"Because we haven't loved each other for a few years now. I don't think I ever realised that until I saw you with Nik, but it's true. You look at each other like you're looking at the person that hung the stars, and it's beautiful. But I haven't looked at your mother like that for some time now, and I am quite sure that she is the same. Besides, she's been a colossal bitch to you the past month, and you're my sun, alright?" Y/n let out a wet laugh at the last part, and was startled to realise that she was crying again, the tears silently slipping down her cheeks. "Now. You go find that boy of yours, yeah?"

"Yeah," she nodded, wrapping her arms tightly around her father. "I love you, Dad."

"Love you too, Y/n."

~~~

Nikolai was shitting himself.

Not literally, of course, but he might as well be with the amount of nerves coursing through his body right now. He'd managed to get the last word in earlier when talking to Y/m/n and Davor, but apparently people had overheard the topic of their conversation and rumours spread like wildfire in this town, people already questioning the legitimacy of their relationship. He made his way into the mansion just as Y/f/n was leaving, and when he saw Y/n stood in the middle of the front room wiping the last of her tears away his heart clenched.

"... Are you... okay?" He wasn't sure she wanted him here, given how quickly she'd left earlier, but her responding hug put him slightly more at ease.

"Not really," she said, although it was muffled since her face was pressed into his chest. "I'm glad you're here though, Nik. Really really glad." He brought his arms around her, holding her tightly, and he squeezed his eyes shut with a frown.

"I have to tell you something," he said, voice quiet and filled with fear. Y/n lifted her head to look up at him, and seeing her soft smile he felt queasy.

"What is it, Nik?" When he only opened and closed his mouth a few times, strangled noises coming out instead of words, she tried again. "Dominik?" Y/n was the one frowning now, clearly unsure why he was acting so strangely, and the use of his supposed full name made his decision easier.

"That's not... that's not my name." He was looking anywhere but at her, swallowing thickly and tensing his muscles repeatedly for any hope of distraction, but her own body stiffening against his wouldn't let him concentrate on anything else.

"What do you mean that's not your name?" she asked slowly.

"It's-" he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a few steps back. "My name isn't Dominik, it's Nikolai."

"Wha- what are you going on about?"

"I can't keep lying to you about who I am, Y/n, not if I want to properly date you. You said you wanted to know me, right?" She nodded, although the action was distant. "Well, this is me," he spread his arms out and then let them drop back to his sides, desperation starting to creep in to his body language. "I'm Nikolai, not Dominik, and my last name isn't Opus, either. It's Lantsov. Or Opjer, I'm not actually sure. But I'm Nikolai Lantsov, the previous King of Ravka."

Y/n froze, clearly unsure how to respond.

---

Of all the things she thought that he would say, it hadn't been anywhere near that. "W- you- what?"

"I'm Nikol-"

"No I got that, I'm just... very confused. Why the fuck would you hide that? You're being serious, right? This isn't a joke?"

"It's not a joke, I'm being completely serious. And I know that I've lied to you about who I am-"

"Yeah, no shit!"

"-but I did it to start over, to have a new life, and also because there is a very high sum of money on my head in foreign nations and I quite like it attached to my neck! And I'm sorry, okay? But when you said this morning that-" he gasped, running out of air. "When you said this morning that you wanted to date for real I couldn't do that without telling you the truth, because I know how you feel about liars and people that look like me, okay? And I'm telling you now because I need to know if there is any possible chance that you'll still have me, because I have fallen completely and irrevocably in love with you, Y/n. So please, if there is any chance, I'll take it." He'd moved closer to her during his speech, arms gesturing wildly as he went on, and he was close enough that she could reach up and kiss him if she wanted to.

Instead she stepped back, expression blank as she tried to figure out which emotion to wear. She vaguely registered Nik's- Nikolai's pained face, and her own head shaking as she brought a hand up to her mouth.

"I- I can't- what?" The last word was quiet, her voice breaking as she tried not to cry. She didn't want to; he had a logical reason for not telling the truth, and he felt the same as her, Saints damn it, but some irrational part of her told her that he was lying about other things too, and it would only be a matter of time before he was lying about loving her. It was ridiculous, how badly Davor still affected her, and she really thought that she could change with Nik, but apparently not. She did want him, like she wanted air, but right now it was too much, and she felt like her lungs would burst from the pressure. "I'm sorry," she whispered, tears pricking at her eyes as she turned away. "I can't... I don't know... I can't do this right now," she sobbed, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. She felt Nik's hand on her shoulder, light and fleeting before it disappeared and took his warmth with it. Dimly Y/n registered his words.

"That's okay. I'll wait."

Chapter 8

[mister13eyond]

A very good reference post just crossed my dash again but it made me realize I don't have canon heights or weights for my ocs

But like

For most of them I feel like that is, immaterial,, anyway.... their bodies are made of magic and they can shapeshift quite a bit, limited only by how Much Magic they have since total mass is Directly tied to power level.....

So they're really just. You know. A vaguely blobby Range of sizes, since they could also redistribute that ratio and be short and thick (like vin and alkali and ike) or tall and thin (like amaranth and asphodel) with generally the same range of power as long as you maintain your ratios right

It's just a matter of what the upper and lower ends of that scale are, like.... if vin wanted to be Tall, he'd probably be Really Fucking Gangly since he has less mass to redistribute, so instead he stays short and caked up because he's too invested in Being Thick to surrender any of that extra power to a few inches of height

Meanwhile Ike and Nik are at roughly the same rank, with Ike *slightly* outranking Nik, but Ike chose to go thicker instead of taller and Nik surrendered to a more athletic dancer build in order to be a little taller

Meanwhile because Alkali and Amaranth are both still Actively Employed by heaven and hell, they can afford to be generous and splurge on whatever body type they like, which is also why Alkali is indulging with her sheep head- she has enough mana that she can afford to keep the sheep head and just cast illusions when out and about, whereas since Vin, Ike and Nik are all Unemployed From Hell they have to rely on gathering their own magic from humans, which leaves them more likely to choose something Mostly humanoid so they only have to cast small illusions to hide horns, tails, eye and skin colors, etc

Which yes, does imply that of all of them, Calcine is Vastly the most powerful. There are a LOT OF perks to being a collective entity like they are, which is also that they're as powerful together as seven individual demons would be apart. They can afford to not only be VERY LARGE, they can also afford to simply cast magic that keeps humans from noticing them. Theoretically they could take an incredibly wide array of shapes, but I think the last time they shapeshifted was when they took *this* form, in order to form and become Calcine, and no thought of ever changing shape again has struck them since. They're happy as they are, and even when the other demons shapeshift in minor or subtle ways (such as adding and removing things like tails and wings, or swapping out genitalia or teeth and claws etc, just individual changes on a whim level) Calcine generally stays completely unchanged.

[bklynmusicnerd]

First I would like to say that I find your responses to be well thought out and insightful and I appreciate the time and effort you take in crafting them.

That said, after today's reconciliation, and Trina putting her foot down, where do you think this storyline is headed?

Based on your use of "today" I'm guessing I'm a couple of days late seeing this, so sorry for the late response (blame it on holiday week shenanigans).

First of all, thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate them.

Now onto where I think the Trina and Spencer stuff is headed and, well, all signs point to POUND TOWN (I'm so sorry).

No but Spencer attempting to sex his way to redemption aside, I've been thinking a bit about the current arc for Trina and Spencer, especially in the aftermath of the New York stuff, because it feels a lot more intentionally written than the post-Greenland "arc".

In a lot of ways, the New York trip was like a "happily ever after". After two years of obstacles and miscommunication, Trina and Spencer finally express their love for each other. If this were a rom com, they'd roll the credits after the New York trip. But this is not a rom com, this is a soap, the story keeps going.

So now the story is no longer "Does Spencer love Trina?" or "Does Trina love Spencer?" They love each other, that's settled. They're in their "what now?" phase:

Like the classic ending in "The Graduate," there's all this uncertainty between Trina and Spencer. The only certain thing between them is that they love each other. They defeated all these external obstacles but are still dealing with the internal ones. I feel like the current arc for Trina and Spencer as a pairing is rooted in this idea of "is love enough?". For Spencer, that's a quick "yes". He thought everything was settled after New York and that any and all problems would wash away because they love each other.

For Trina, it's more complicated. She's not dreamy like Spencer, she's very grounded and forward thinking. All New York did for Trina was give her the confidence to take the idea of a future with Spencer seriously for the first time and then Spencer sort of screwed that up with his demon spawn spiral.

So I think a lot of this reconciliation era is going to be Spencer eagerly wanting to prove to Trina again that she can count on him because there's damage to her trust in him right now. I also see Spencer possibly clinging to his relationship to Trina more, both because he almost lost her and also as a way to distract him from the demon spawn of it all.

I'm sure we'll get a reaction from the sociopathic mooch as her plan to get Spencer to chase her backfires again thanks to Trina but I really don't give a shit about her redundant ass anymore so 🤷🏿‍♀️.

I'm hoping during this time that in between all the holiday sex, Spencer starts thinking about his own future and who he wants to be beyond Nik's son/Trina's boyfriend. This is what Trina was getting at with the "five year plan" stuff. Her passion makes her naturally excited for the future in a way that Spencer isn't, and that's something they have to sort through.

I do think this all has to culminate in some sort of reunion between Spencer and Nik because Nik looms over all of this and Spencer facing his issues with his father is too significant to his arc to not be dealt with.

But yeah, in general, I think the reconciliation arc is going to be about Spencer trying to prove to Trina that he was serious about them being an "us". The ball is really in his court since we know that Trina has landed on the decision that she won't drown with him on the basis of "true love."

Spencer put Trina back into a "one foot out the door" headspace, thinking those days were over and he could do/say whatever because she admitted she loves him. It's up to him to get her out of self-preservation mode and trusting him again. So for now, I'm thinking tentative holiday-based honeymoon period with the angst over their internal obstacles still looming over things.

[olympianroyals]

- April 22nd, Friday (1 day before the funeral) -

Pandora sighs: Ever since I’ve been back here… I've been having the same dream over and over again.....

Pandora sighs: What does it mean? Why is this...creature..haunting me?

Meanwhile....Back at the Palace

???: Well don't you look like shit

Nikolaos couldn't help but laugh: Thanks Nico, I see the past years haven't changed you much. I have missed you truly

Nico: Bullshit, I guess that's all that bad karma coming back to bite you in your pale ass huh?

Neo: Nico!

Nico: What?

Nikolaos: It's quite alright Ms. Neo, I'm... quite use to Nicole and her wild antics.

Nico: Boi I know you did not just use my government name-

Neo cuts her off: She didn’t mean that Your Highness-

Nico: Yes I did. I wouldn’t have said it if I hadn’t meant it Neapolitan since we’re using people governments now-

Neo: Ignore her. Still thank you so much for allowing us to stay here, you really didn't have to allow us into your home like this

Nico mumbles: I rather we had stayed in a motel. I don't want to owe these people any more than we already do

Nikolaos: It's really no problem, we have plenty of space for two more and I know the girls would love to see a familiar face around here.

Nico raises an eyebrow: Is that so? and how has my girls been exactly? Cause I find it real weird Pandora ain't been answering our phonecalls and how y’all got all this damn money and yet nobody paid their phone bill because why nobody picking up my damn calls-

Pandora: Aunite?

Neo: Hey baby girl

Pandora: Neo! You guys are really here!

Neo: Of course we’re really here!

Nico:….Panda…why do you look...

Pandora shakes her head: Please don't

Nico: like shit?

Pandora: it’s a long story Auntie,

Nico: We got time, you betta spill every drop of it. What happened?

Pandora: You have no idea how much I’ve missed you guys is what happened.

Later

Nico whispers: Hey Nik

Nikolaos: Yeah

Nico: As soon as we're done here, I'm knocking you the fuck out

Nikolaos sighs: Wouldnt be the first time. Are you gonna tell me why beforehand or are you just gonna attack out of the blue again? I just wanna know now so I can have a medic on standby for when my security take you out again

Nico fake laughs: When I sent my girls to you... you swore to me they would be in good hands and yet... somehow in the five hours I've been here, Daphne had not said one single word and Pandora has eyebags deeper than the motherfuckin canyon. Why do the both of them look like they've been fighting demons?

Nikolaos starts: Nico,

Nico cuts him off: Save it, I'm not interested in your excuses, just know that after the funeral, I'm taking the girls and were gone...for good.

Book 1: Chapter 1, Episode 17

|The Beginning of Chapter 1 | Previous Episode 16 | Next |

AN: whew the history these two have. They very much have a love hate relationship where it’s more hate than love but anyways we’re two posts away from the end of Chapter 1.

I have a few things planned before we jump into chapter 2, A new mini series and Olympian history lessons are in the works currently, I can’t wait to start sharing it with you all.

[neonbitemarks]

Nikolai, Blood, and Nonhuman Variations

Nik can obviously drink human blood. However, because of his anemia, it tends to break down faster in his system and is therefore not as filling or even very good for him - think of it like eating junk food with empty calories but no good nutrition.

Since witches are closest to humans in biology, Nik can drink witch blood without any issues, and it tends to be better for him than straight human blood because it's a little more potent.

Being half-Keres, Nik can drink "Greek" blood (ichor), so anyone in his immediate family and extended family who have compatible blood. In terms of keeping Nik stabilized and on top of his condition, ichor is the best blood type for him as it is the most compatible biologically and it is extremely potent. Due to his being a hybrid, he is also immune to the addicting effects of ichor that he would get if he was just a vampire.

The same goes for vampire blood - he can feed with no issues due to high compatibility, though it is less potent than ichor

Were/shifter blood - A bit of a gray area. Full shifter (especially bitten) is a yes, but hybrids are dependent on what they are crossed with.

Angels and demons - Blood type somewhat similar to ichor, so Nik can consume it so long as it's not from a hybrid of an incompatible mix.

Hellhounds - Nik can't drink hellhound blood due to hellhounds being of fae origin, so their blood upsets Nik's stomach.

Fae blood - Absolutely not. Fae blood is highly toxic to Nik and will put him in critical condition in a matter of minutes (it's toxic to vampires in general but especially to Nik with his medical issues).

[ofviolentdeath]

Character(s)::Ava and Cord Word Count:: 660 @bleedtheneonfromthebitemarks and @strifeincarnate because reasons

                                                            ~*~

Despite the number of people that lived at the bar, it was quiet as Ava sat on top of the water tower, a bottle of whatever Cord had pressed into her hands earlier raised to her lips. She was stressed, tired, terrified, worry over her youngest son practically eating her alive. The alcohol didn't help, it never did, but she also knew it was Cord's idea of comfort.

"So, ya gonna tell me what's gotcha all tied up in knots or do I gotta go on the rumor mills?" the demon asked as she made her way to the top of the water tower and dropped down beside the other, her usual bottle of whiskey present and a lit cigarette clasped between her lips. How she managed to speak around that damn thing was still a mystery to Ava, but she had assumed, at this point, her friend was well-practiced in it.

"Depends on what rumor you heard," she muttered, bitter and more than a little annoyed. She shouldn't be surprised, her kids and Cord's kids often spoke. She knew for a fact that Hemlock and Damaris especially were close, but that didn't mean she had to like that Nik's business had traveled so far.

Cord held up her free hand in quiet surrender, not wanting to poke the proverbial bear any more than she had clearly been. "Just that Nik was hangin' 'round Eris and ya weren't keen on the idea. Belladonna was here a couple nights ago pickin' up a book she had been lookin' to get her hands on and filled me in."

That made sense and Ava relaxed a little. If Bells had been venting to Cord, she wouldn't have done it where everyone else could hear. Despite how much her daughter liked to talk, she valued her siblings and their privacy enough to keep things on a need to know basis.

Cord always managed to make that list and vice versa.

"Not keen on the idea is an understatement. I'd trust Judas on a bender before I trusted Eris with my kid."

If it had been anyone else saying it, Cord might have taken offense, but Ava had been around the kids their entire lives and they knew she didn't mean any insult by it. Although, Cord wouldn't have been upset if she had. Not after Judas had gotten one of Ava's kids shot once.

"That bad huh?" The demon let out a low whistle, drawing an odd stare from the keres.

"Okay, one, yes, that fucking bad and two, how the fuck can you whistle like that with a damned cigarette in your mouth, Cord? Are you secretly some sort of ventriloquist or something?"

"How long ya been sittin' on that question?" they laughed, pale grey smoke pouring from their lips as she shook her head. "Forget I got the damn thing in mouth half the time anymore. Sorta become second nature after a few centuries."

"I'd tell you those damn things will kill you, but I think you'd just take as a challenge."

"Pretty sure yer youngest would too. Kid's got enough of ya in 'im."

Ava opened her mouth to argue but sighed instead, knowing the other had a point. "I just don't want him to get hurt and I would put money on Eris getting him hurt one way or another."

"Is that comin' from yer head or yer heart?"

It was a fair question, but that didn't mean she had to like hearing it any. "A little of both. I know Eris, Cord. I know the sort of shit she gets into and I also know what Nik can and can't handle. There's no good ending here."

"Tried tellin' him that without the panic?"

"I got his therapist involved because I don't know how to be calm about this."

"Well, ya better figure it out. Ain't gonna do neither one'a ya any good if ya can't talk to him proper."

[sanktnikolais]

I Will Not Bow - Angstober (7/31)

A/N: this kind of went longer than i expected. This was supposed to be done and posted earlier but alas, readings and sleep got the best of me.

Based on the prompt ‘Demon’ on the Angstober list. (And a bit of a rough excerpt probably in Storm and the Cursed Prince part II idk man but most likely yeah KHADHFLAF)

For @chaotic-art-druid. Happy birthday! Stay awesome. <3 <3 

Word count: 858

Transitioning back to human had always been the hardest. Sometimes the pull of darkness was still strong, as if the demon didn't want Nikolai to resurface and keep him under its clutches. 

          It demanded strict focus, which had always been one of his weaknesses. Can never sit still, as his former instructors always said, and he found that he agreed to that fact. 

          He felt a growl erupt from his throat, whether it was from the demon who still wanted to take over or from his real self that demanded to be set free again, he didn't know. It was a blur of clashing identities that tore his mind apart. 

          Somewhere in the conscious part of himself, Nikolai heard his name being called. But the continuous battle of authority over his body deemed it unrecognizable. 

          Was it Tolya? Tamar? Genya? David?

          Or even Zoya?

          He didn't know. 

          There was a voice again, much clearer this time. Though he still couldn't recognize whom it was, it sounded familiar, a reminder of someone he knew as himself. 

          So Nikolai held on it like a lifeline. 

          Flashes of brightness started to blink back to his sight, and he willed himself to keep it there. He turned his head to the side, seeing the silhouettes of a few figures before his vision darkened again. 

          Focus. 

          Was it his own voice in his mind? If it ever was, he almost wanted to laugh, and he felt the demon thinking the same. At least they could agree on that one thing. 

              Yield, young prince, end your misery and give in. 

          Despite the struggle, a small part Nikolai found to ponder about it, how it would be so easy to let go. Let the darkness take over and unleash it. It would still result in the same end no matter how many times he looked at it in a different perspective.

          He would still lose.

          The pull became stronger and stronger, and he let himself get dragged back. The demon's laugh was becoming too loud, the triumphant tone of it was enough for him to know that he had lost. 

          Nikolai fell deeper to its clutches, and he closed his eyes. It was the end. 

          Then something resisted, an unexpected wave of calmness washing over him. The feel of home. The feel of safety. 

          He opened his eyes, and that was then he heard it. 

          The faintest of lights is enough to shatter the endless darkness. 

          A deep voice that held conviction, but never lost its gentleness and nobility. 

          We'll find a way out of this, just like we always do. 

          A cool voice that could sound dangerous and threatening at times, but never had the intention to harm as the situation deemed fit.

          You have optimism as steel, and it's unbreakable. Never lose it. 

          A shy voice that would only speak at certain times, but always gave the strongest impacts. 

          Do that thing you were always good at—finding a way out of anything. 

          A soft voice that spoke volumes and from experience, one of the wisest and the most sensible, never to cower. 

          Giving up so readily, Prince Wretch? 

          A stern voice that could command armies and make them listen. The same one that never failed to oppose him if he was in the wrong, and the one that held determination and never wavered. 

          The voices overpowered the demon's opposition to Nikolai's sudden want to fight back. 

          Remember who you are. 

          The bastard prince. The broken soldier at Halmhend. Sturmhond. Sobachka. Prince of the Air. Too-clever fox. 

          Nikolai Lantsov. 

          Names born out of spite and notoriety, respectful and mocking, but it was still all who he was. 

          He had never been so appalled to forget it.

          The demon cackled once again, but he could hear the strain in it. It was getting weaker. Hesitating. Yield, it said.

          Not today.

          A hiss erupted from his mouth, as if the demon had been burned as Nikolai barreled through its control. The struggle out of it was easier this time, and whatever bounds the monster had against him loosened as his vision began to clear, the sight of his darkened hands braced on the ground making him laugh breathlessly.

          Slowly, his talons retracted and disappeared, the sound of his laughs were no more maniacal but human, and for once, his mind was silent. 

          Nikolai let out a shaky breath, feeling much better than before. He turned to look to the side and saw Tolya and Tamar staring back at him with relieved expressions.

          Tamar’s hands moved away from her axes. “Good to have you back, Nikolai,” she said, offering him a hand.

          He laughed and took her hand, allowing her to haul him up to his feet. “I wouldn’t want to get butchered just yet,” he replied with a strained smile, though it disappeared as quickly as it came when a thought occurred in his mind.

          Nikolai had fought off the demon, and was successful at keeping it at bay.

          But for how long?

          It would always be the question that remained unanswered, and he could only hope that he lived long enough to see its end.

[batsandbugs]

The Great IKEA Game

Chapter 4: The Three Stooges 

AN: At least it hasn’t been two months again 😅. Let’s check in with the other batboys and see how they’re handling Damian and Marinette’s chaos. 

Chapter 1 Chapter 2  Chapter 3

Tim wondered when his day took a solid dive off the cliffs of normal and into the waters of weird.

It probably started when Dick dragged them out of bed at eight in the morning – on a Saturday – piled them into the car, and drove them an hour and a half out of the city to an IKEA. If they had actually been there to shop they would have either burned the store down or killed one another. 

Not that those things were off the table yet. 

Tim had work, actual work, that he could be doing. But no, instead he was playing a demented game of hide-and-go-seek, which was careening into an all-out war. The destroyed shelving units, shopping carts, and forklift were unmistakable evidence of that.

How had the demon spawn accomplished this in less than a minute?

Bruce would kill them, once he came back from off-world.

That is if Alfred didn’t get to them first.

“Uh, order 177? Shit, my pay isn't enough for this.”

The words shook Tim from his stupor. He walked over to the counter.

“Hi,” he said, flashing his most charming CEO grin. “I have a quick question?”

The server's fixed smile contrasted with his dull eyes.

“I need to know what way the boy who ordered this headed.”

“No.”

Tim sighed, “Look, it’s important. My brother-”

“I mean, no, it wasn’t a boy.”

Tim paused. “Huh?”

“It was a girl, a teen girl. Black hair, big blue eyes, French accent. She was sitting over there,” he waved at an empty table. “But I think she walked away before that happened.” Referring to the giant train wreck occurring a few aisles over.

“Oh,” said Tim. “Thanks.”

“Do you want the order?”

Tim held back an annoyed sigh.

“Sure.”

So that’s how he, Jason, and Dick, sat at the abandoned picnic table, staring at the abandoned meal bought with Damian’s credit card. Jason grabbed a couple of fries and shoved them in his mouth.

“That’s evidence, nitwit,” hissed Tim.

Jason ignored him, stabbing a meatball with the plastic fork. “What? It’s going to go to waste. Girlie obviously ain’t coming back for it.”

“We should be more worried about how a random girl used Damian’s credit card!”

“She could have stolen it?” offered Dick.

“Demon spawn would have broken her arm before getting pickpocketed,” countered Jason, eating another fry. Silence. A weird glint appeared in Jason's eye. He turned to Tim. “What did you say the girl looked like again?”

“Black hair, blue eyes, French accent.”

“Shit,” muttered Jason.

“What?”

“I think I ran into her earlier, about an hour and a half ago. Asked her if she had run into demon spawn – she sounded confused and tourist-like. But maybe…”

“Maybe she’s working with him?” offered Tim.

“Could be.”

“Damian? Working with another person? A stranger?” Dick shook his head. “Doesn’t sound like him.”

Jason shoved another fry into his mouth. “The brat’s a competitive little shit, if he thought teaming up would help him get ahead, he’d do it in a heartbeat.” He pointed a fry at Tim. “Can you look at the security footage?”

“I’m already two steps ahead of you,” Tim said, flashing his phone with the hacked in security camera footage on-screen. Jason and Dick huddled in close as a small girl walk on screen and stood at the counter.

“Yep, that’s her. Can you ID her, Timmy?”

Tim rolled his eyes, “This is a smartphone, Jay, not a laptop.”

“I thought Mr. World’s Second Greatest Detective would be prepared for anything.”

“Well excuse me for not having facial recognition software, on my phone.”

“Guys chill.”

“Shut up, Dick,” Jason and Tim said in unison.

The footage played out and they watched the girl order two meals and pay with Damian’s credit card. They switched to another camera when she left and sat at the picnic table. A few minutes later Jason and Tim walked into frame.

“Look, there! She tenses. Look at her body language, she’s panicking. She knows who you two are.” Dick looked shocked that, yes, Damian had teamed up with a partner.

They watched the girl panic, although she managed to keep her body from reacting too much. She placed her phone to her ear and walked away from her spot.

“Who is she talking to?”

“Maybe Damian was watching out of sight?”

“Shoot, Tim, she’s out of frame. Do we have another angle?”

It took another minute or so, but Tim found the right security camera catching the mysterious girl leaving the food court. As she walked away the image on the screen flickered, and a moment later the shelving units fell.

“Oh crap,” swore Jason. “Do you think she has magic? Fuck, it would be just our luck if demon spawn teamed up with someone dangerous.”

Dick shook his head. “It could be a coincidence. We didn’t see her do anything. The chaos could have been a coordinated effort between her and Damian.”

Tim wasn’t so sure. “Come on Dick, you’ve been in the game long enough to know just because something looks one way, doesn’t mean it's true.”

They watched the girl hurry out of sight, this time it was much more difficult to follow her progress through the store. She would randomly duck in and out of showrooms, coming out differently than how she came in. If the three boys hadn’t been trained in stealth and detection for years, they would have had a challenging time tracking her.

Jason whistled low. “Who is this chick? I’m impressed. She has serious skill.”

Finally, she ducked into a showroom and didn’t come out. Tim couldn’t find a camera giving them an unobstructed view, but it didn't matter. They had a destination.  

“This was ten minutes ago, they could already be long gone,” said Dick.

“Or they could still be hiding there,” countered Jason.

“We’ll find out when we get there.” They walked out of the cafeteria and past the closed aisles. The forklift that had been buried under the collapsed shelving unit was being unearthed by a flock of bewildered employees.

“Ten bucks says she has magic,” said Jason.

“Yeah, no.” Tim was good at math and the odds of everything happening just as she left was too big to be a coincidence. “I’m not stupid enough to take that bet.”

“Come on you guys, let’s focus here,” chided Dick.

Walking back through the showrooms Tim kept an eye out for any sign of his brother or his accomplice, but it was as if they had disappeared into thin air. Arriving at the last location they had spotted the girl, they waited for a touring couple to leave before descending on the tiny, boxed room like the detectives they were trained to be.

It didn’t take long to discover the lasered off vent.

“Shit,” groaned Jason. “They could be anywhere by now.”

“Tim can you-”

Tim had his phone in hand, “I’m already on it. I’ll have the vent layout in a minute.” He felt insulted they even needed to ask.

Jason peered into the vent, “Damn, I think we’re too big to follow.”

 Dick sighed. “I miss my vent crawling days; they just don’t make them as big as they used to.”

“That’s what she said,” snickered Jason.

“Focus you two,” Tim snapped. “I’ve pulled up the air duct plans.” He flashed the screen to his two brothers who settled down. “This particular vent runs a couple of places. We have one entrance at the back of the store in the storeroom. Then another veering off near the daycare center, and the last which comes out near the unloading dock.”

“I’ll take the one next to the daycare center,” said Dick. “I’m the only one who isn't demented,” pointing to Jason, “or sleep-deprived,” pointing to Tim.

“Hey!” exclaimed Jason.

Tim sneered, repressing a Damian-like growl, “I wouldn’t be so sleep deprived if you hadn’t dragged us out of the house at eight in the morning. I arrived in from patrol at three.” He hadn’t had coffee in hours, and the weight of his body pressed on him like a panini maker.

Dick ignored them. “Jason can take the one at the loading docks, and Tim you’ll be able to bypass security and get into the back the easiest.”

“Sounds good to me,” grunted Jason.

“Alright,” agreed Tim. “The second any of us spots them, text the group chat, will box them in from there.”

They nodded and headed off their separate ways. Despite the tiredness in Tim's bones, there was a heady rush of the hunt thrumming in his veins. Damian, and whoever he had decided to pair up with, were going down.

Tag List: (Closed, sorry!! I’m so glad you all like it though.)

@multplelifes @bluesimani @justhugefangirl @nik-nak-3@redscarlet95 @purplesundaze @incredulous-reader @k-poplunardreams @our-preciousss @blackmagicforever @vgirl-10123 @lozzybowe @wannajointhecrabcult @dast218 @chaotic-mess-of-a-life @fidget-eep @kawaiigiantjudgefish @queenmj10@tumbling-down-hills-and-stuff @crazylittlemunchkin @fandom-writer642 @nach0ava @ladybug-182 @sam-i-am-0222@spyofthenightcourt @how-to-fuction-properly@emotionalsupportginger @dreamykitty25 @tomanyfandomsonmy-mind @mystery-5-5 @theatreandcomicfreak @weird-pale-blonde-person @whatthechickenfriedfuck @myazael@pawsitivelymiraculous @urbanpineapplefarmer @karategirl119@consumeconstantly @hauntedstudent99 @ertyzeta @thornalchemist23 @iloveitwhen @animegirlweeb@byronsacademics @i-wanna-be-a-ninja @moonlitjiminie@iglowinggemma28 @constancetruggle @catgirlkittypryde @waffelyunsure @maskedpainter @lilkymilky @unhappyraspberry @avengerthewarrior @quotesandanime @tbehartoo @clumsy-owl-4178 @g-arya @chocolateherringtacofan @jalaluvsu @crazyrandomrebel @fatimaabbasrizvi @thenillabean @goblinwhoships @bluefyoto94 @nerinalith @loopingtangent @demonicbusiness @hecate-hallow @themcclan @tropestropestropes @paintedhope7 @whitetiger1249 @glitchon @vulpixmina @kitkat81804 @kissa-chan @beautiful-disasters-sunshine

[fragmentedink-archived]

Hell to Pay: Part Fifty-Four

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII, XXX, XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV, XXXV, XXXVI, XXXVII, XXXVIII, XXXIX, XL, XLI, XLII, XLIII, XLIV, XLV, XLVI, XLVII, XLVIII, XLIX, XLX, LI, LII, LIII

cowritten by @lux-scriptum

The body of the demon Cameron dumped on Cyrus’ floor made a solid thunk. Cyrus winced, but leaned forward out of instinct. Only one of the demon’s eyes was able to open, but the glittering purple was enough to reassure Cyrus that he was indeed still alive. Cyrus chose to look up at Cameron instead, mouth thinning despite his best efforts.

“Is this the sacrifice?” Cyrus asked, despite knowing the answer.

“Do I need to be the one to kill him for this to work?”

Stifling a sigh, Cyrus shook his head. “No,” he promised, reaching for the candles strategically set out. They sprang to life, but even that didn’t ease the amount of magic he had roiling under his skin. He’d been hoarding it for weeks, and supplementing with what he could only really equate to magic energy drinks. It felt like he was seconds away from splitting at the seams and deflating without the magic to hold him up. “But I think I need some of your blood. Just to tie it to him and make sure the spell takes hold in him, not you.”

Cameron took a thin switchblade from his pocket and sliced precisely across his palm. Black blood welled instantly, suggesting he cut deep. “Figured as much. Take what you need.”

“Do you have the ashes?” Cyrus asked, knowing and not caring there was an edge to his voice as he snatched up a cup to catch the blood. It took only a little magic to close the cut on Cameron’s hand with a golden flash. “I think after that we’re ready as we’ll ever be.”

While Cameron left to retrieve the urn, Cyrus went to work, muttering the spells he needed. Where the blood was smeared on the demon, it soaked in and disappeared. As Cameron returned, Cyrus could see the brown hair of the prone figure before him slowly start to morph closer to white.

“With your blood, I was able to shift him into... you,” Cyrus explained as he took the ashes. Cameron hadn’t looked perturbed, but Cyrus felt the need to explain anyway. “Even though... I’m sorry, what is his name?”

“That’s not important.”

Cyrus waitied, folding his hands over the urn patiently. “I want his name.”

“For...?”

“Consider it payment for casting the spell. I never specified my price, but I want to know the name of the demon I’m killing for you. I have to live with his death, whatever he has done.”

Cameron raised a brow, staring him down. Eventually he said, “Sage.”

Cyrus nodded. By this point the demon had fully morphed into an exact likeness of Cameron. Albeit, a very battered looking Cameron. “Even though Sage will be dying in your place, it’s still a body that is... you. It’s cheating in spirit, but Asmi has promised to fill in the gaps to make sure the spell succeeds.”

Cameron gave a thin smile. “I’m sure they’ll be glad to fill the gaps. Angels always are happy to do so.”

“They’re a god, not an angel,” Cyrus muttered, before calling out for Darius, giving a tug with his magic to let the ghost know they were ready.

Darius materialized not a moment later, looking unruffled and determined. “Hello, Cyrus.”

“Are you ready?” Cyrus asked. “We are if this is still what you want to do.”

“It is,” Darius said. He was quiet for a heartbeat. “Will it hurt?”

“It didn’t hurt Levant,” Cyrus said. “This should be the same.” He offered a smile. “Just try not to linger on the other side for three days, and you should be just fine.”

“I will do my best,” Darius said, offering his own smile. He looked at the urn in Cyrus’ hands. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt pain. Or much of anything else.” He looked back up to Cyrus’ eyes. “Thank you, Cyrus.”

Cyrus only smiled a little, and went to work. It was still a complex spell, and he wove his magic into each word, until his voice was hoarse and his hands shook. Sage’s body slowly disintegrated before them. Without a physical magic to help even out his, the sparks of raw magic fell from his fingertips visibly. Bit by bit, they replaced where Sage had been until a very real Darius lay on the floor instead.

Darius’ golden eyes flickering open was the last thing Cyrus saw before his own rolled back and he toppled to the side.

---

Cameron watched from his spot as Cyrus crumpled into the floor. He was well aware the witch’s heart was still beating, even if his nose was bleeding steadily. He stepped over Cyrus’ body and knelt next to Darius.

Even if Darius’ brown skin was currently leeched of its warmth, he was still him, still physical and now breathing. And now staring up at him unblinkingly. Even though Cameron was pulling his suit jacket off to cover Darius’ naked frame. “I have clothes for you in the car,” he said. “I didn’t have anything from before, so I had some made.”

Darius opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it, frowning. Instead he took Cameron’s hand into his icy ones. Cameron’s entire body flinched when Darius kissed the top of his hand, almost in a thank you.

“Well,” Cameron said, tersely. “It was the least I could do. I’ll get the witch’s mate.” He slipped his hand from Darius’ and pulled out his phone to send a text, telling the demon to come collect Cyrus and put him to bed. He looked down at Darius, despite the blood pounding in his head. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

Not that he could.

And it certainly seemed like an amusing thing for Cameron to say by the look on Darius’ face.

He ignored it and disappeared back to his car for the clothes he promised. By the time he got himself back inside, Darius had moved himself into a sitting position, or was trying. “I thought I told you to not move,” Cameron said, flatly, already moving to help sit him up.

Darius patted Cameron’s arm, as if he were trying to humor Cameron. Cameron ignored the suggestion that this was humorous in any way and carefully moved in front of Darius to begin putting clothes on him. “Are you cold?

When Darius shrugged, Cameron sighed irritably. “I see five hundred years in limbo hasn’t taught you how to give yes or no answers.”

Cameron moved to pick Darius up and set him on the couch. He grabbed the few throw blankets available and wrapped Darius up tight, remembering how Lev complained about being cold.

Sorin eventually popped into the house, looking flustered and anxious. Cameron and Darius both watched mildly as he fussed over Cyrus’ limp body.

It was that inopportune time that his phone decided to start buzzing. He had let it go to voicemail twice before answering Ash the third time.

“What the fuck did you do?” Ash said, sounding like he was in tremendous pain.

“I’m not sure I know what you mean,” Cameron said, indifferently, watching Darius.

Darius frowned, but Cameron just looked away as Ash laid into him, giving a few rather choice words about whatever it is Ash ranted and raved about. “I can’t see and I can’t access any of my magic, Cameron. So I ask, what the fuck did you do?”

He wasn’t sure that he had been expecting exactly that, but considering Asmi, and how they are the god to the angels, this was something on brand for the angels. “I gave Lev what he wanted.”

“You gave Lev-” the phone thudded and Cameron could hear Ash yelling at Lev from wherever he was.

Cameron waited a few moments to see if the idiot would pick his phone back up but when he didn’t he decidedly hung up and turned his focus back to the scene in front of him.

Sorin had Cyrus’ head in his lap and was trying to clean the blood. “Cyrus wasn’t sure if you were staying or not,” he said, distractedly. “So he had the guest room set up.”

Cameron looked to Darius, who was already staring at him expectantly. He frowned. “I should… probably let you stay here for a day or two. I need to talk to Nik.”

Darius nodded.

Cameron had completely spaced it off. He’d kick himself later for it, but he had to get Nik’s overreaction out of the way before he brought back someone who was just dead for five hundred years. Last thing he needed was Darius to get sick or for Nik to burst a blood vessel yelling at him because he brought someone home he didn’t expect.

Cameron got up from the couch and swatted Sorin’s hands away before hauling Cyrus over his shoulder and began carrying him back towards their bedroom. “And they called you a soldier.”

Sorin rightfully didn’t say anything and went back to Cyrus’ side when Cameron carefully placed him on the bed. He propped pillows to help with blood flow and left Sorin there to fuss while he tended to Darius.

---

Nik and Lev had spent the last hour or so putting the gifts from the babyshower away.. There were so many and if it hadn’t been for his belly, it was the gifts and the nursery itself that made it feel real. That he was in fact having a baby.

That was if the kid managed to survive whatever hell Amara and the witch had unleashed on the demonic lands.

He held onto a soft blue and white baby blanket Nate had brought for the baby. “I’m not really doing the right thing, am I?”

“It doesn’t take a genius, Nik,” Ash said, from the doorway. “But I already told you I’d do my best to help keep the baby healthy.”

Nik side glanced Lev, who looked a little saddened. “It might be best for the baby,” Lev said, quietly. “I don’t want to lose either of you.”

Nik looked back down at the blanket, and ran his fingers across one of the thick blue stripes. “I don't want to leave you and Cameron. I also don’t want to deal with Papi. Last thing I need is him breathing down my neck.”

“Could Bay and Nate keep him away from you?” Lev asked. “Or Ash? I don’t want him anywhere near you. You’re ours.”

“I’m sure both Bay and Nate would be more than glad to keep Az’ril away from Nik so he can incubate in peace,” Ash said.

Nik rolled his eyes. “You exhaust me.”

“Yeah, well, next time I tell you to do something, maybe you should do it,” Ash replied, unfazed.

Lev touched Nik’s shoulder. “It wouldn’t be forever.”

Nik sighed. “I’ll… think about it.”

Lev opened his mouth as if to say something, but instead choked on nothing at all and doubled over.

“Lev?” Nik said, putting a hand on Lev’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?” At nearly the same time, Ash crumpled to the ground, pain twisting his face. “Ash- whats going on?”

His voice was rising as Lev heaved, puking black nothing onto the floor, where it slowly faded away. “Will someone fucking answer me?”

Ash’s breath was shallow, and he wheezed in pain, but not before Celeste appeared in the doorway with Dakota in her arms. “Nik, take him,” she ordered, moving to check on Lev.

Dakota was luckily sleeping in Nik’s arms, but he still watched in horror as Lev seemed to be dispelling his own magic.

“Nik,” Ash rasped, “Grab my phone. Right now.”

Nik hurried to grab the phone from Ash’s room, finding it on a desk, and returned as quickly as he could while not waking the baby. “Here.”

The bright green in Ash’s eyes was fading in and out, and Nik could see bruises peeking out from under his shirt. Nik knew enough that it meant that Ash had used far too much magic and it was now burning him nearly from the inside out.

He swiped it from Nik’s hand. It was nearly half a minute before Ash managed to get someone on the other line. ““What the fuck did you do?” Ash snarled.

Rage whitened Ash’s face. “I can’t see and I can’t access any of my magic, Cameron. So I ask, what the fuck did you do?”

Ash froze, head snapping up. “You gave Lev-”

He dropped his phone and tried getting up to his feet, even when in searing blinding pain. “What was that fucking bargain you made with Asmi?” Ash yelled. “And why the fuck did you rope me into it?”

“Ash-”

Ash’s mouth snapped shut when Celeste whipped her head in his direction. “You shut your mouth right now, Ashwyn. You are not helping.”

“I don’t know,” Lev croaked. “I said I’d help take the punishment if necromancy was practiced again, but I was supposed to be the only one anyway.”

“Well someone clearly didn’t get the memo,” Ash bit out. “And now I can’t access any of my magic, including the magic that I was using to keep Nik’s baby healthy.”

Nik’s head went very quiet and he went to pick the phone up. But unsurprisingly Cameron had ended the call.

He pulled out his own phone.

Nik: where are you

It was a moment before Cameron finally deigned to answer.

Cameron: I’m at the witch’s house. I was going to call you in a minute.

Nik: sure you were. Why the hell are you performing necromancy???

Cameron: It was something that needed done. And Lev had asked for Darius, so that’s what I’m doing.

Anger sizzled through Nik’s blood and he threw his phone across the room. “Great.”

“I’ll talk to Asmi,” Ash said, using the crib to hold himself up. “I have an inkling they're behind this."

---

It was only after Cameron got Darius settled in the guest room did Darius ask him for something to write with; Merely a scribble on his hand.

Cameron nodded slowly and went towards the witch's bedroom and leveled a single knock before opening the door. "Where are your writing utensils?"

Sorin was in his demonic form, watching Cyrus for a moment before climbing down from the bed and leading him back towards the office.

There was a sense of a chaotic, but methodical organization that Cameron could make out. Clearly the witch wasn't able to keep his work space clean. Either that or he didn't consider it important enough.

Sorin jumped on the desk, a few papers falling to the floor, as he picked his way across it. He poked around for several moments before sitting on the edge on the left side, draping his tail over the edge until he could grab it with his fluffy orange-striped tail and pull that open. Inside was a supply of pens and sticky notes of varying sizes.

Without prompting, Cameron reached for a pen and one of the larger pads of sticky notes and headed back to the bedroom. Darius was exactly where Cameron had left him, and was watching him very closely. He put the pen and notes in Darius’ extended hand. “Can you still write?”

Darius rose a brow, but looked down at the pad of paper for a few moments before very carefully writing: You should call home and talk to Nik.

“Why don’t you go ahead and tell me that and I will.”

Darius’ brows furrowed, and he looked down once more only to write: :/

Cameron sighed internally. “Alright,” he said, fishing out his phone once more, even if he detested phones. “Have your way.” He rolled his eyes at the smile he got in return for his troubles and decided to FaceTime Nik and get this over with.

It took nearly five minutes of continuous calling before Nik answered. He looked every bit annoyed and angry as Cameron expected. “Oh well, thank you for gracing me with your presence, Cameron.”

“You’re welcome,” Cameron replied, mildly.

“So were you going to just bring home your dead ex-boyfriend and expect us to welcome him in with open arms, or...?”

“He was never my boyfriend,” Cameron said. “That implies I ever agreed to date him.”

“Oh right,” Nik snapped, “just like you’re not my boyfriend, right?”

Cameron ignored that. “It was not my intention to not tell you,” he said. “It just never crossed my mind.”

“It didn’t cross your mind while you went behind my back?”

“I haven’t thought about Darius in over five hundred years,” Cameron said, “and you have also been rather busy being pregnant and miserable, so no, it never really crossed my mind to tell you upsetting news.”

Nik’s eyes narrowed. “Whatever. So is he just going to be living with us, or are you just gonna pick right back off where you left off? Do I need to, you know, pack my bags and go back home now that you have your original model back?”

“I have no intention of making you go anywhere you do not wish to go. If you choose to go back to Liwen, that is solely your choice and yours alone. Everything will remain the same unless you make it so.”

“Yeah right.”

“He will remain with us until he is able to live and move on his own without any assistance. After that, he is free to move about and out just as you are. Nothing changes, Nik. I am mated to you and you alone.”

Nik’s lips thinned. “Fine. When are you going to be home, because I’m hungry. Or are you giving me permission to cook?”

Cameron’s nostrils flared. He did not want Nik cooking in his kitchen. The absolute mess Nik makes no matter how much he tries to not make a mess makes Cameron’s skin crawl. “We will not be back until tomorrow morning,” he said after a moment of internal debate. “So yes, you may cook. Make Lev clean up after you, if you must.”

That at least got a smile from him- though it was sharp and pointed enough Cameron knew well enough that Nik was going to make a mess of his kitchen on purpose.

tagging:  @incandescent-creativity @solangelo3088 @lil-miss-red @halstudies @littleyellowdinosaur @caelisis @idreamonpaper

[apexlegendsimagines]

New Year Resolutions and Celebrations

Bangalore:

-She really just wants to get better at being a people person

-Not that she’ll be sociable like Mirage, but she does want to understand the other side of the fence

-Reason  being the events between Loba and Revenant

-She’s eager to celebrate her years of training that caused her to be able to lead the others as smoothly as they could be lead

-The group decided to have a pot luck kind of celebration so she does decide to bring an imported beer that she personally liked to drink in her early years. 

Bloodhound:

-They’ve never really celebrated the new year, it wasn’t a big deal to them since there were local traditions they did keep to 

-So their resolution would be to integrate some of the others holidays and traditions into their life

-This is their resolution since they never really want to forget how they were raised and what they grew to learn

-They actually grow their own garden. So they’d honor the group with a large platter of some of the fruits and veggies they have grown as Artur had shown them

Caustic:

-There are no real resolutions with him

-He only wants to kill using his gas and he only hopes it’ll continue to work and fool people

-But his resolution would be to make sure his bases are covered

-He’s pretty sure that no one will ask questions about the infamous Nox, but he will promise himself to go back and make sure all bases are covered. 

Crypto: 

-This is the year. 

-That is all. 

-Well, he hopes that this year he can smooth things over with Wattson. But it might not be the best idea. Since his purpose is to take down the games Wattson has loved and grown up with

-He doesn’t bring anything to the pot luck and certainly doesn’t drink anything there. He was dragged here by Mirage

Gibraltar:

-He hopes to move on from Nik, he does still love him, but he understands that he shouldn’t get involved with Nik’s life

-He know’s it’ll be difficult but regardless of the memories that will plague him during the games and outside them, he promises himself to work hard on understanding the good times and bad as just the past

-For the pot luck he does bring an Ika Mata which is a raw fish salad with coconut. He encourages others to try it and even enjoys a couple of bowls of it himself.

Horizon: 

-She hopes to find the answers to her prayers so to speak

-She hopes that as soon as she could, she’ll be back with her son. Asking for forgiveness and being apart of his life

-But also in the mean time she hopes to become friendly with everyone, as hurtful as it could be when she leaves. 

-She comes to the celebration with a couple of servings of shortbread cookies, these are defiantly a hit. 

Lifeline:

-She knows that the party they attended for the battery was the start, but she hopes to officially cut out all of the toxic people in her life

-Her parents were a start but there are some other people who she has her mind on, it’ll be difficult but she knows she will have the strength this year

-She would bring store bought/baked cookies. But she does mix in some oatmeal raisin cookies

Loba: 

-This year she found the Demon, this was the year she found the code to kill him

-But this is also the year she learned she would be the demons savior, should she choose to go through with her plan

-So she has multiple plans for this new year, she plans to make the choice, whether or not to end the demon soon or wait until the last possible minute. 

-She plans to move on from her trauma. It wouldn’t be easy but she knows she needs to move on with her life

-She brings to the party high quality cheesecakes of all kinds of flavors

Mirage: 

-He really does want to set aside just a bit more time for his mother. Her health is declining and so is her memory

-He just wants to be there for her more and continue learning as much as he can from her before she is totally gone

-He also wants to be prepared for the worst case scenario while also hoping he can have more than just this next year left

-He brings the drinks and pork chops. Yes he does and he is the designated mixer. He mixes some pretty strong stuff

Octane:  

-To be fair he has pretty much set the boundaries with his parents and is living the best life he feels is best for him

-He comes off as a jerk so in light of New Years, he will try to be nicer or less of a jerk

-In other words ‘less perfect’ 

-He brings the energy drinks for the old farts who won’t make it till midnight

-He also brings the kickin music

Pathfinder:

-He is familiar with this tradition since his various of jobs prior to joining the games included working in bars

-People would often gather, packed back to back just to scream “Happy new year” and then leave

-But when he asks the others about this tradition, they let him know the purpose of it

-So he sets up one main goal, to find his creator

-But his other goals include making more friends!

-He brings the face palms and such because he asks who he will kiss for new years since everyone at the bars has done this as far back as he can remember

Rampart: 

-She knows her skills. She knows she great. So she really doesn’t have to much to hope for this year

-But she does hope to one day start up her shop one day. The games are getting to easy so perhaps the challenges of clients would make her days funner

-She doesn’t bring anything but her joyful self and a large appetite. But once everything is eaten and she could still eat, she orders a couple large pizzas

Revenant: 

-He only hopes that Loba will kill him. He’s tired. 

-He’s tired of reliving over 200 years of memories and death just to wake up in a new body and repeat it all over again

-He really doesn’t care to go to the party. Why does he want to celebrate another year?

Wattson:

-She hopes to grow stronger, this year was really and eye opener

-So she hopes to learn how to choose her friends, but she promises to herself to continue being the kind person she always has been

-She brings backed apple brie, others claim its odd but somehow the sweet and salty taste make it addicting. 

Wraith:

-She hopes to move past her trauma of the experiments conducted on her

-After the labs were opened up for her to explore it all came running back to her, but with the friends she made, Mirage, Path and Wattson, she knows she’ll be safe

-She brings a bag of her favorite hard boiled sweets, lemon drops. 

[little-miss-sunny-daisy]

14! 15! 18! this isnt an oFFICIAL option but i'm gonna ask for a snippet of either the thing you've got open RIGHT NOW to work on or the thing you're THINKING about opening to work on NEXT anyway because i like to live dangerously

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

Usually towards the end! Once I have a feel for the fic’s ~atmosphere I start scrolling through song lyrics (shamelessly, I generally just use songs to name my fic). Currently trying to shoehorn a ‘folklore’ lyric into a title because I am obsessed.

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Titles, for sure. I do struggle with tags sometimes, because I don’t want to spoil things, but I definitely want people to know what they’re getting into.

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

YES. I have an AU of ‘birth’ where Dean and Klaus are unlikely friends, like a buddy cop show kind of relationship? Where Dean begrudgingly accepts that Klaus is dating Caroline, but is very much like “hear no evil” when discussing their relationship while they troll around Mystic Falls looking for demons. 

Alas. 

What I have open RIGHT NOW:

Sometimes, this reminds her of dancing. Dodge, strike, parry is just another version of one, two, three and she keeps an eye on Nik’s feet, taking her cues from their tiny, nearly unnoticeable movements. He’s taking it easy on her, she can tell, but she’s not losing. She’s holding her own, even landing a few light, hesitant hits of her own that make something she can’t decipher flare in his eyes.

Fun Meta Asks for Writers

[frischkasekuchen]

Carrie Au(Death of Margaret White)

Part 1

Part 2

Credits:

Verse provided by the Good News Bible

Hetalia- Hidekaz Himaruya

Dreamtalia, its characters that were used and Nevo- Kyokyo866

Vanya(Mentioned)- thriftlita

Carrie- Stephen King

Warning:

Religious abuse/themes/trauma

Child abuse

Blood

Beheading/Decapitation

Knives

Minor swearing

Self-Loathing

Starring:

World(Nicholas) and Reve as Carrie White

Nevo’ nik(Nathan) as Margaret White

The girl hurried back at once to the king and demanded, “I want you to give me here and now the head of John the Baptist on a plate!”  

This made the king very sad, but he could not refuse her because of the vows he had made in front of all his guests. So he sent off a guard at once with the orders to bring John’s head. The guard left, went to the prison, and cut off John’s head; then he brought it on a plate and gave it to the girl, who gave it to her mother. When John’s disciples heard about this, they came and got his body, and buried it.

(Mark 6, 25:29)

Reve and Nicholas finally arrived in his quaint neighborhood, the only place free of the stink of smoke. The two trekked down the sidewalk together in silence once more. The blood covering them had begun to go cold, making them shiver.

From what Nicholas could see his father was still awake. Flickering light was pouring out of the house, and everything got warmer the closer they got.

When they entered the house, it was almost covered head to toe in lit candles. Nicholas had Reve hoist his skirt up as not to light it afire. 

Nicholas led Reve into the bathroom and began to run some hot water. He then turned to Reve, who was quietly sniffling while clenching balls of the dress’ bloodied fabric. Nicholas patted Reve’s shoulder to get his attention. Reve’s head perked up, it was hard to see, but he was crying.

“Hey, could you sit down for me?” Nicholas asked.

Reve obediently slumped to the floor, twiddling his thumbs. Nicholas joined him on the floor and an arm around him. He began to sing:

 My soul longs after you

As the deer panteth for the water

You alone are my hearts desire

And I long to worship thee, 

Reve gradually began to sing along, albeit softly.

You alone are my strength

My shield,

For you alone does my spirit-

Nicholas stopped singing abruptly as Reve sang along.

Reve asked, “Is something wrong?”

“I should be asking you that!” Nicholas replied.

“Whaddya mean?”

“You’ve been quiet since- you know! I know this might be a stupid question; but are you okay?” Nicholas asked hesitantly.

Reve twitched, “I’ve turned us into monsters! I killed Ludwig and-and you killed a lotta people! If I hadn’t brought you up onstage- maybe I could’ve saved lives.” 

Nicholas cringed and stared at the reflective wall, he wasn’t wrong. He looked at his reflection, dyed in blood to the point it looked like red skin, like a demon.

“I can’t go back home! The police will come after us- we’re gonna go to prison!” Reve nails began to grow out once more as his breathing quickened. 

Nicholas had to remedy this situation and swiftly, lest his father make a fuss. Nicholas cradled  Reve’s head in his hands and pushed him to his chest, letting him listen to the sound of his heartbeat. Nicholas gently ran his fingers through Reve’s bloody and tangled hair. 

Reve’s breathing seemed to slow down gradually by the sound of Nicholas’ heartbeat. Even now, at eighteen years old, something as simple as a heartbeat soothed him. Reve being childlike and carefree was something Nicholas always liked about him. Yes, the boy was well aware of vulgar subjects but was surprisingly innocent. 

When they first met, Nicholas swore he was an angel. The unwarranted kindness, porcelain skin and white hair- Nicholas thought Luciano had finally killed him that day. From that point on both the boy and his father called Reve a heaven-spawn.

“Nicky?”

“Yes?”

“The bath’s overflowing.”

“Fuck-”

--------

Nicholas sent Reve upstairs to get a nightgown after they’d cleaned up. Unlike Reve, Nicholas always had a change of clothes in the bathroom. Nicholas let out a sigh of relief as Reve seemed to be finally calming down. All he had to do now was replenish himself. 

When Reve dressed himself, he gave himself a good look in the mirror. Clean, but still a murderer.

‘I’m not a monster.’

‘You didn’t have to kill him- y’know. He asked you out, offered you dinner, gave you a kiss- and this is how you repay him?’

‘I’m not a monster.’

‘You have no self-control.’

‘I’m not a monster.’

‘He had a family, people who’ll miss him and you killed him.’

Reve began crying again, holding himself up on the dresser and watched as his tears fell onto the dresser. 

‘You absolute turd, Luciano was right and you know it.’

Reve gasped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around to see it was Nicholas’ father.

“Why are you crying dear boy? Had your heart broken?” Nathan asked, rubbing Reve’s shoulder.

‘No you didn’t. You fucking killed him you shit stain-’

Reve nodded wordlessly.

Without even offering, Nathan embraced Reve. “Don’t worry about it, happens to the best of us.”

Reve didn’t like Nathan, not one bit, but he needed someone- anyone to hold him. Reve hugged him back and muffled his sobs into his chest. 

He sat down Reve on the bed and said, “I have to go downstairs for something all right? Then you can tell me what happened.”

Nathan left Reve alone in Nicholas’ bedroom, he knew what he had to do.

--------

Nicholas was helping himself to some strips of bacon in the kitchen. He heard footsteps coming down the stairs. 

Nicholas peeked outside the doorway to see Nathan, with an arm up his sleeve.

Nicholas shot him daggers, “What do you want?”

“My sweet boy, my own flesh and blood. I should’ve killed you earlier.” Nathan purred, approaching Nicholas.

Nicholas backed away in both paranoia and confusion, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I was weak, and let the raven loose on the world. I let you loose on the world.” Nathan pulled out a dry and crumpled wash cloth from under his sleeve.

“I thought my teachings would fix you. But you let the blood in that demon’s eyes lure you away from the light with its scent, you dog.” he growled.

“We’ve been over this! Vanya isn’t a demon, he’s an angel if anything!” Nicholas barked back. 

“YOU’RE THE DEMON, YOU’RE THE DOG!”

Nathan cackled, unwrapping the cloth to reveal a knife.

‘Mama’s butcher knife-’ Nicholas thought to himself, before pinning Nathan to a wall from afar.

“Let me go Nicholas, this is the only way He can save you!” he cooed.

Nicholas dropped Nathan as he lost focus in fear, his knees unfortunately gave in as well. The exhaustion had finally caught up to him. No matter the situation, even with these powers, his father always struck fear into him- he always had control.

“REVE- REVE HELP!” Nicholas screamed as Nathan was getting much closer to him by the second.

Nathan soon had Nicholas backed up against the stove, trapping him in a corner. Luckily the cavalry had arrived, and knocked Nathan over. Nathan dropped the cleaver in the scuffle.

“BOY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Nathan said he squirmed under Reve’s weight.

Reve pulled Nathan up to his feet, only to grab him by his hair and slam him against a nearby cupboard. 

They both pulled and clawed at each other’s hair, slamming each other into walls. Reve took the initiative not to kill Nathan, just to lock him away. Reve let out a inhuman screech once more when Nathan nearly tore his hair from his scalp. Nathan had to cover his ears, forcing himself to let go of Reve. 

Reve grabbed a nearby broom and tripped Nathan over causing him to fall on his stomach. As Nathan tried to stand up, Reve picked him up by his ankles and began dragging him. 

“LET ME GO!” he screeched hoarsely.

Reve surveyed the house for a place to isolate Nathan, and a certain room caught his eye.

‘The prayer closet!’ Reve thought to himself as he struggled with Nathan’s legs trying to kick him. Reve reluctantly released one of Nathan’s ankles to open the door. As Reve opened it, Nathan tackled Reve and accidentally closed the door behind them.

Nicholas picked up the cleaver before going to investigate. He held out the knife, so if Nathan jumped out at him he’d be injured. 

Nicholas stood in front of the confessional’s door as he heard something fall and thud against the door. The boy cautiously opened the door and felt something warm at his feet. 

He peered to see it was a head, Nathan’s bleeding head. 

Nicholas looked back up to see his father’s headless carcass, slouched on top of Reve’s body.

Reve was sobbing, wheezing:

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”  

(Author’s Note: The thing Nevo is talking about-the blood eye thing? I decided keeping Vanya’s eyes red and having Nevo deem him a demon to further demonstrate Margaret’s worldview. While keeping Reve’s white hair and have World and Nevo assume he’s an angel. A lot of Nevo’s dialogue is based on Margaret’s strange and twisted version of Christianity/the Bible; with calling men dogs lured in by the scent of blood(period), saying Eve was weak and let the raven(sin) loose on the world. But in this case, Adam(Nevo) was weak and let the raven(World) loose on the world(The Prom). Also the reason why I made both Nevo and World the White household is due to their God-complexes. The use of growling and barking is based on Margaret's belief that men are dogs.)

[bklynmusicnerd]

keep going back to the fact that I feel like Spencer's feelings are rarely ever taken into account. It feels like everyone downplays all the trauma he has indured because he’s privileged and chalk it up to him “being a cassadine”. He’s barely looked at as a human being with feelings. They use the term privileged a lot, and while he is financially, his life overall is not. His life has been filled with loneliness, emptiness, abandonment, and loss. I don't like that the people who should love him the most, always seem to abandon him when he needs them the most. Nik was gone for years and gone again, Sonny is a drive by uncle, and Laura was going to leave him somewhere in Greenland, don’t take into consideration his feelings towards Esme, and not once asked if he needed to be checked out. I really don't think he truly knows what unconditional love looks and feels like. I wish he was allowed to process his trauma in a real way.

Interesting take, anon. I don't think (most of) the people in Spencer's life are intentionally callous to him, I think they just don't really understand him. Spencer often uses being a Cassadine as both a crutch and his sole identity. It's not just the people around Spencer downplaying his trauma, Spencer himself downplays his trauma.

So it's not quite as simple as everyone is just ignoring that Spencer needs them, Spencer works really hard to convince them that he doesn't. This is why all his moments where he admitted to Trina that he needed her in his life were actually a very big deal for him.

He's very prideful and not big on letting people in. I get why people are frustrated with the writing for Laura when it comes to this Esme crap, I am too, but I still feel a need to challenge this idea that Laura doesn't love Spencer unconditionally. I think Laura struggles with juggling an unconditional love for him and his father. But Laura frankly shouldn't have ever agreed to Spencer staying in her house to be near demon spawn. If anything, she struggles to tell him no because she feels guilt by proxy for Nik's abandonment of him.

Spencer is always hiding his vulnerability behind a "dark prince" performance, so he needs people with the patience to see through that. That's where Trina comes in. She's the first person in Spencer's life with zero obligation to understand him who saw beyond his trust fund brat surface. I don't know about "unconditional" love because I don't see conditions, especially if they're boundaries, as an inherently harmful thing.

But I do think, imperfectly, because she is also young and growing, Trina does take Spencer's vulnerabilities seriously. Yes, she calls him out on his privilege, but she also pushes him to see himself as more than just another Cassadine. Trina also has yet to walk away from Spencer after the many, many times he's challenged her affection for him with dumb decision after dumb decision. So I think it's important to acknowledge that Spencer's story isn't all tragedy all the time.

But yes, he definitely has a lot of tragic components and should probably have been in therapy a long time ago. But I do think Spencer sort of revels in the Dark Prince identity in a way that processing his trauma in a healthy way is not something that he's going to be drawn to anytime soon.

[chickensarentcheap]

I Found (chapter 8)

Warnings: none really. Some bad language. Maybe a bit of angst. I needed an Esme chapter for character building purposes before I get into the past chapters.

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y @hemmyworthy @alievans007

Esme watches him; the way he stands thirty meters away with his arms crossed over his chest and a pair of Ray-bans covering his eyes. He stands out like a sore thumb. A peculiar site among a street crawling with folks in swimsuits and other summer gear.  The sun beating down on that simple yet surprisingly stylish black suit, the heat and humidity causing beads of sweat to gather on his forehead, at his temples, and on his top lip.  She both envies and feels sorry for him.  Envies the fact he hasn't yet seen the real heartache and the real darkness that comes with the job. He hasn't had the demons and ghosts settle in yet.

And that's what makes her sad. Because it is inevitable.  Somewhere down the road his eagerness to live up to a legend will lead him in the right direction but into the entirely wrong place. And he won't be the same kid that he is right now.  Anxious.  Scared to make a mistake. Wanting to impress.  Dreaming of the missions of guts and glory and seemingly endless brutality. Right now he finds it glamorous. They all did at one point.  But one day he'll wake up and realize just how fucked up it all was.  He'll look back on the places he'd been and the things he'd done and he'll wonder why the hell he'd ever been so eager to get into the trenches in the first place.

She'd been there. She WAS there. And it eats at you. It chews you up and it spits you out. And the memories come back so fast and so hard that there's times you pray...beg...that the ground will open up beneath you and swallow you whole.

“You can sit down you know,” she calls to him.  She admires the determination. She's sure there's a little bit of fear he'll fuck up and get his ass handed to him because of it. But he's steadfast. A rock. Even if he does look like a secret service agent.  “I don't mind. I could use the company.”

He regards her through the dark lenses of his sunglasses. She imagines he looks like a deer caught in the headlights right about now.

“I don't bite,” she assures him. Although her husband would beg to differ. He'd been at the receiving end of more than a few during their often rough and uninhibited love making sessions. Teeth marks like war wounds on his shoulders, neck, even the insides of his thighs.

He takes a step towards her.  Then hesitates.

“Are you being serious right now? Look, you're making me extremely nervous right now and people are getting suspicious. If you're going to be watching someone...if you're going to be someone's detail...you have to less conspicuous about it. If there was a bad guy around, they would have made you about ten minutes ago. Sit down. It's hot out. Get into the shade.”

He finally relents.  Crossing the promenade in two long strides, unbuttoning his suit jacket before sitting down across from her.  A waitress scurrying over to take his order.

“We come here a lot,” Esme says. “It's one of our favourites. The coffee is strong and the food is good and the people watching is A plus. You'd be surprised the weird and funny shit you see when you actually sit back and pay attention.   Sometimes I even come here by myself. When Tyler has his own shit to do or he's at the doctor's or at the shrink. He won't let me go with him to those things.  He says it makes him nervous.  That he's too busy worrying about what he might say and that means he won't actually say it.  So the baby and I will come here. Just hang out.  Forget about everything else in our lives for a while.”

“Shrink? What...?”

“You talk about wanting to fill those shoes. Believe me, those are shoes that are probably best left empty.  Don't go down that road kid. I know you admire him. I know you've heard the stories. You've seen the numbers. And it's impressive and it's bad ass and it's something you want to emulate. I get it. I do.  He's my husband and I admire him. But this isn't the life you want. This is not how you want to end up.  Because it fucks you up and it haunts you.  For the rest of your life. And if you're not strong enough, it will eat you alive. It takes no prisoners. Unless you're prepared for all of that, don't go following down anyone else's path.”

He nods slowly, considering her words.  Then smiles at the waitress when she returns with his coffee.

“But that's just words from someone who has been in the game. Who is living with the after effects. So I won't be offended if you tell me to  gofuck myself.”

His eyes widen. “I'd never say something like that to you, Mrs Rake.”

She laughs at that.  It makes her feel so old; Mrs Rake. It's so mature and so formal and it seems as if it should belong to someone twice her age.  But it's who she is now. It is part of her identity. Someone's wife, someone's mother. And they were the two greatest roles she'd ever been fortunate enough to play in her entire life.

“What's your name?” she asks.  

“Jason, ma'am. Jason Andrews.”

“Well Jason Andrews, it's nice to meet you. I'm sorry it wasn't under better circumstances. I was a bit more likeable a year ago.”

“I think you're likeable enough just fine, ma'am.”

She laughs, pushing her sunglasses up onto the top of her head. “Ma'am? Just how old do you think I am?”

“My mother always told me to never ask a woman her age or never even gather a guess. I'll have to plead the fifth.”

“You're from the south, aren't you.”

“Yes, ma'am.  Just a tad east of North Orleans.”

“I haven't been there in years.  University was a wild time.  Trips down to Mardis Gras. Back when I had less gray hair and people still called me Miss instead of M''am.  It's Esme, by the way. But I'm sure you already knew that.”

He nods in confirmation.  

“You can call me by name, you know.  It doesn't have to be so formal. This is some unprecedented shit you've gotten yourself mixed up in. I'm pretty sure that means we can move on to first names.”

“Nik has told me a lot about you,” he informs her. “A lot about the both of you.  You're from Colorado?”

“Snowmass. About fifteen miles from Aspen. Just a little place. All of twenty five hundred people.  Or at least that's what it was when I left. There's probably more now.”

“You haven't been home in a while?”

“I had a place there.  A house.  A quaint little thing with a porch swing and a fire pit in the backyard. My brother lives there now. With his wife and his kids.  He took it over once I decided I wasn't going back.  But I haven't been home, home, in just shy of six years. You know, family dinners on a late Sunday afternoon,  coffee on my folks' porch,  watching my nieces and nephews playing.  Life just got away from me. The job just took hold. IT became who I was as opposed to something I did.  Life got away from me.”

“Excuse me for saying this, but that's kind of....sad.”

“It is what it is,” she reasons. “Those are the choices I made.  I knew there was no going back...truly going back...when I made them. And then I took the job with Nik and I ended up in Dhaka and now...well here I am.”

“Here you are,” he echoes, a sense of sadness creeping into his voice. “You were military?”

“Once. The Marines”

“My older brother is a jar head. A gunnery sergeant.  Forgive me for saying this and I mean no disrespect, but you don't seem the type. You don't really fit the picture of what people have when they think of the Marines.  And you definitely don't seem to be the type to be involved in the job.”

“I guess that was my greatest weapon of all.  People looked at me and would never think...in a million years....that I was capable of doing the things I've done.  It's not one size, fits all. There's a lot of us that don't look the part. Sometimes that's good when it comes to the job. You blend in. People aren't suspicious of you. Half the time they don't give you a second glance.  It worked in Dhaka. I gained peoples' trust.  I got them to open up.  It worked until it didn't work.  And once that happened...” she sighs. “...well let's just say that it went way worse than anyone expected.”

“I've heard the stories. People like to talk. I'm not sure how many of the things I've heard are actually true.”

“When it went bad, it went extremely bad.  It happened so quick. We didn't even have time to catch our breath.  One minute we're making friends with the locals and the next we're running for our lives. No one expected it to go as horrible as it did.  I mean, you go into things expecting and fearing the worst. But that...” she runs the palms of her hands along the sides of her glass of iced tea. “...that was way worse than anything I ever imagined.”

“And now you're going back.”

“And now I'm going back,” she concedes, and then clears her throat noisily.  “Trust me when I say that it isn't a place I thought I'd ever return to. I thought that was behind me.  I needed it to be behind me.   But want and need are two entities of their own.  What my heart wanted and what my brain allowed are two entirely different things. I realize that while I physically put it behind me, mentally I've been hanging onto it.  Mentally I never left. If that makes sense.”

“Yes, m'am...Esme...it makes perfect sense.”

She noisily clears her throat, slides the sunglasses back down onto her face. “You have family? Other than an older brother?”

“A younger sister.  She's still in high school.  She wants to be a nurse.”

“Your folks?”

“Still alive. They've been together since high school.  You?”

“My father died when I was a teenager. My mom is still kicking. She remarried a about ten years ago. My step dad's a good guy. Ex Army. He still has the hair cut, the swagger, the stories.  We call him The Sarge,” she smiles at that. Fond memories of a man that had come into her life and filled a role that had been missing since those difficult teenage years.  “He treats her well. They're happy. They're the disgustingly content retired couple that owns two Harleys,  a motor home, and like to visit Graceland.  The type that has 'my grand kids are better than yours' bumper stickers. It's been a while since I've seen them...”

Her voice drifts off, recalling all the earlier times. The easier times. When all that mattered was bush parties and hanging out with friends and the fights and good natured ribbing that occurred between siblings.  

“...one day I'd like to go back,” she continues  “I'd like to see them again. I'd like to sit across the table from Sarge and have him light into me about my tattoos and my piercings.  I'd like to sit with my mom on the front porch; sipping sweet tea and eating her homemade peach pie.  I'd like to see my little sister graduate from high school.  Be the one that takes her to college and helps her move into residence.  And I'd especially like to see my brothers and their families again.  Hug and kiss my nieces and nephews. Meet the ones I haven't got a chance to.”

“You have a lot?”

“Fourteen,” she confirms. “My brothers wasted no time. They're baby making factories.”

“What about your baby?”

“They haven't met her. At least not in person. I send pictures. We do face time chats. That type of thing. I didn't even tell them I was having a baby until she was almost here.”

“Why not?”

“Things weren't easily explained.  Things were messy. Complicated.  They were still reeling over the fact that I had run off and gotten married without telling any of them. I'm the first daughter. My mom was super pissed that she didn't get that whole mother of the bride experience. She felt robbed. And I can understand that.  It's not an easy pill to swallow.  Your first girl running off and meeting some random guy and deciding to settle down in Australia and never coming home.  It's a lot for them to digest. And they don't even know the whole truth of it.”

“Why not?”

“Do your parents know about the job? Do they really know about it?”

“Just that I do security detail for a private company.”

“My parents thought I went into business when I left the corps.  Because that's what I told them.  I told them I was making a career change. One that would have me travelling a lot.  It was a half truth, I guess.  But they couldn't handle all of it. How do you tell your folks something like that? That your new skill set includes rescuing some and killing others? You don't. You don't tell them that. You make up some shit that will be easier on them.  They think I came here on a business trip, met some guy and never came back. That's pretty much it.  They know his name, what he looks like, his age. But they think he's in law enforcement. They think he was in an accident and I stayed here to help him through it and this is where I made my life.  It seemed so much easier when I first told them all that. Now I realize just how fucked up it actually is. Not that I lied to them. We all lie. Some more than others. But why I had to lie.  Why I had to cover  it up.  It's screwed up.  I'm screwed up. This whole thing is screwed up. And you know what the worst part is? There's no easy way out of this. No matter what I tell them or how I tell them, it will be messy.  They're going to hear things they don't like. And I'm worried they're going to hate me.”

“Parents could never hate their kids.  It isn't in their nature. Could you ever hate your daughter?”

“No. I can't imagine I ever could.”

“Your folks could never hate you.  They'd probably be surprised at the truth.”

“Probably? They would be.  The truth is stranger than fiction. At least in this situation.”

“But hate you? No. I don't think that could ever happen.”

She stares down at the amber coloured liquid in her glass, tracing a finger tip on the side, making patterns in the condensation.

She hopes he is right.