#demian delight

[chaoticmiserablelover]

Was it casual when? No, nothing about this relationship was ever casual.

[yes-demian]

[youthofpandas]

this line in addition Sinclair acting out the role of Bari during the plays is really getting me from the perspective of trans Sinclair, like Sinclair you are sooo close to getting it. It's really great seeing them come to such realizations about themself, wanting to crack the egg and become someone that they're proud to be...

playing Bari's role in the play, with Sanson (known Demian collaborator, instantly acknowledged Sinclair having the sign) as the director is so delightful and interesting. Bari is strong and confident and seeking out strange places in the City, she is likely the exact kind of person Demian believes Sinclair can one day become if able to overcome their self doubts and fear, which is why Sanson put Sinclair in this role

the answer to Sinclair's character growth is becoming a woman is what I'm saying here. it is the only logical course of events.

[captain-joongz]

Abraxas; Masterlist

Pairing: mafia boss!Min Yoongi x police office!reader

Genre: humour, angst, investigation themes, dark themes, enemies to lovers, slowburn, eventual smut, some fluff

Summary: My downfall ended up being a story in three acts. The introduction, the seduction, the damnation.

Or; Young and fresh out of police academy, I set out to take down one of the biggest gangs in Seoul. I didn't expect the whirlwind my life would become after meeting the one and only Min Yoongi. Caught between two worlds, it was hard to say whether I was pulled down or returned where I always belonged.

Current word count: cca 78k

Warnings: dark themes, talks of illegal activities, murder, sexism in the workplace, brief reader x OC, eventual smut, innacurate description of police work, some slight stalking (reader tailing Yoongi), each individual chapter will have its own warnings

A/N: welcome to my new and very first series! I will attempt to update this every month, so it's done quicker. Hope you enjoy your reading, don't be shy and feel free to interact!

Taglist is open! Let me know if you wanna be added ^^

Act 1;

Ch. 1 | Interlude I. | Ch. 2.1 | Ch. 2.2 | Ch. 3.1 | Ch. 3.2 | Interlude II. | Ch. 4 | Interlude III.

"That which is spoken by God-the-Sun is life; that which is spoken by the Devil is death; Abraxas speaketh that hallowed and accursed word, which is life and death at the same time. Abraxas begetteth truth and lying, good and evil, light and darkness in the same word and in the same act. Wherefore is Abraxas terrible."

- 3rd sermon, Seven Sermons to the Dead, Carl Jung

The First Companion | An Old Friend | Boy Warrior |

Act 2;

TBA

"The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must first destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God's name is Abraxas."

- Demian: The Story of Emil Sinclair's Youth, Hermann Hesse

The Prodigal Son | Enemy of an Enemy is a Friend | The Golden Maknae |

Act 3;

TBA

"It is splendid as the lion in the instant he striketh down his victim. It is beautiful as a day of spring. It is the great Pan himself and also the small one. It is Priapos.

It is the monster of the under-world, a thousand-armed polyp, coiled knot of winged serpents, frenzy.

It is abundance that seeketh union with emptiness. It is holy begetting. It is love and love’s murder. It is the saint and his betrayer. It is the brightest light of day and the darkest night of madness.

To look upon it, is blindness. To know it, is sickness. To worship it, is death. To fear it, is wisdom. To resist it not, is redemption.

It is the delight of the earth and the cruelty of the heavens. Before it there is no question and no reply.

That is the terrible Abraxas."

- 3rd sermon, Seven Sermons to the Dead, Carl Jung

Epilogue

[zahramorningstar]

Abraxas is the sun, and at the same time

the eternally sucking gorge of the void,

the belittling and dismembering devil.

The power of Abraxas is twofold; but ye see it not, because for your eyes the warring opposites of this power are extinguished.

What the god-sun speaketh is life.

What the devil speaketh is death.

But Abraxas speaketh that hallowed and acursed word which is life and death at the same time.

Abraxas begetteth truth and lying, good and evil, light and darkness, in the same word and in the same act.

Wherefore is Abraxas terrible.

It is splendid as the lion in the instant he striketh down his victim.

It is beautiful as a day of spring.

It is the great Pan himself and also the small one. It is Priapos.

It is the monster of the under-world, a thousand

armed polyp, coiled knot of winged serpents, frenzy.

It is the hermaphrodite of the earliest beginning.

It is the lord of the toads and frogs, which live in the water and go up on the land, whose chorus ascendeth at noon and at midnight.

It is abundance that seeketh union with emptiness.

It is holy begetting.

It is love and love's murder.

It is the saint and his betrayer.

It is the brightest light of day and the darkest night of madness.

To look upon it, is blindness.

To know it, is sickness.

To worship it, is death.

To fear it, is wisdom.

To resist it not, is redemption.

God dwelleth behind the sun, the devil behind the night. What god bringeth forth out of the light the devil sucketh into the night.

But Abraxas is the world, it's becoming and its passing.

Upon every gift that cometh from the god-sun the devil layeth his curse.

Everything that ye entreat from the god-sun begetteth a deed of the devil.

Everything that ye create with the god-sun giveth effective power to the devil.

That is terrible Abraxas.

It is the mightiest creature, and in it the creature is afraid of itself.

It is the manifest opposition of creatura to the pleroma and its nothingness.

It is the son's horror of the Mother.

It is the Mother's love for the Son.

It is the delight of the earth and the cruelty of the heavens.

Before its countenance man becometh like stone.

Before it there is no question and no reply.

It is the life of creatura.

It is the operation of distinctiveness.

It is the love of man.

It is the speech of man.

It is the appearance and the shadow of man.

It is illusory reality.

Seven Sermons - Carl G Jung

‘The bird struggles out of the egg. The egg is the world. Whoever wants to be born, must first destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God’s name is Abraxas’ —

Demian, Herman Hesse

[strangefellows]

THE CANTO 7 PV DROPPED

SPOILERRS DOWN HERE

FUCK. THE DESIGNS ARE ACTUALLY DAMN GORGEOUS. MEURSAULT GOT BOTH A FANTASTIC LOOKING ID AND EGO. COWBOY HONG LU. DONNN.

I am INTRIGUED about rodya and sinclair getting hex nail, sinclair’s could be an elaborate reference to his past with n corp but rodya is hmmmmmm that girl has Issues. Idk what abno hong lu and faust got egos for so i cant give an in-depth analysis on it, but cowboy and cowgirl faust. bottom text. the most interesting one by FAR is four hundred roses’s ego “yearning-mircalla”, which both don quixote and meursault got

a quick search shows mircalla means “blood countess” in hungarian, and is also apparently the name of the main antagonist in the carmilla novel.

anyways. looks at how theres a lot of rose themed egos in this pv. looks at demian’s and rim’s rose metaphors. looks at how you talked about lunacy looking like brainstems and roses. looks at the carmen is dulcinea theory. looks at meursault talking about how the sun got in his eyes when he killed that man. looks at carmen sun metaphors.

I SAW IT TOO I HAD MY PHONE UP ON THE PREMIERE BC I WAS AWAKE THEN

Since Hex Nail's entire thing is being an aberration of Teddy Bear, I see the theme of them both wanting love and acceptance but only being hurt in both Rodya and SInclair's story both, I think.

The Lasso EGO is from the abno event that drops Barbed Snare, this one here, it's related to Snow White's Apple, it's supposed to be the Huntsman, so it's verrry interesting that Hong Lu and Faust got it I think.

AND YEAH YEAH THE ROSES AND MEURSAULT AND SUN THING I SEE THAT I SEE YOU. I am SO EXCITED to see how heavily Meursault seems to be getting involved this Canto. The MeurDon shippers are probably delighted, but even aside from that the fact that not only has he gotten the other Carmilla-themed EGO with Don, but he's got what looks like the White Knight/Mirror Knight Fixer ID tying him to the book and Don's story....that's fascinating, and the ties between them that's building...hrmmmmm.

[thecorporatetower]

────˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗────

╭-┈ OUR SYSTEM ┊✩system name: ┊────The Corporate Tower ┊✩collective name: ┊────Anderson (Please do not use without permission) ┊✩collective pronouns: ┊────It/its ┊✩disorders: ┊────Autism, ADHD, MADD, NPD, BPD, DPDR, CPTSD, hypersexuality, psychosis, depression, anxiety, misophonia, and munchausens syndrome. We're questioning schizophrenia. ┊✩system type: ┊────OSDD-1B ┊✩system origin: ┊──── Mixed origins (Traumagenic, neurogenic, and paragenic) ┊✩system structure: ┊──── corporate-based ┊✩member count: ┊────20-30 or more known ┊✩consciousness type: ┊────Multiplexconscious ┊✩signoffs/emojis that describe our system: ┊────🌃,🏢,⚙️,🌌 ╰-┈-┈-┈-┈-

╭-┈ OUR FORM ┊✩form's age : physically an adult ┊──── ┊✩species : we are physically an android and a extraterrestrial/celestial being not from your universe ╰-┈-┈-┈-┈-

╭-┈ OTHER COLLECTIVE THINGS (THINGS WE ALL AGREE ON) ┊✩ collective sexuality (fluctuates for each depending on whos fronting. Like at different levels.) ┊────Ambiamorous, androsexual, autoflux, caedaroace, demian, mlm gay, multisexual, objectum, robosexual ┊✩collective genders: ┊────HERE ┊✩collective interests: ┊────space ┊✩collective hobbies: ┊────drawing, gaming ╰-┈-┈-┈-┈-

╭-┈ OUR STANCES ┊✩ We are dragonqueer🐲🌈🔥 ┊──── ┊✩ We are pluralpunk/systempunk ┊──── ┊✩ We are collectively pro endo ┊──── ┊✩ Systemarchist ┊──── ┊✩ We are STRONGLY anti-transid/transx and anti-radqueer ┊──── ┊✩ We want to reclaim some labels that the transid/transx community have stolen such as "transspecies" ┊──── ┊✩ If purchase isnt ownership, then piracy isnt theft ┊──── ┊✩ contradictory labels (ex. lesboy) are valid ┊──── ┊✩ Singlets do not belong in syscourse ┊──── ┊✩ narc abuse does not exist ┊──── ┊✩ "systemhopping" or "system travel" does not exist and is not possible due to multiple problems and factors. When you are a system member in one body's/form's system, you stay there. ┊──── ┊✩ being endogenic or willogenic isnt the same thing as being "transplural" ┊──── ┊✩ okay maybe making system members for other people can help (it does).. but selling them for money is a bit of a different story ┊──── ╰-┈-┈-┈-┈-

╭-┈ SOME OF US BECAUSE WE ARE NOT LISTING ALL ┊✩ Natasha, Angel / she/angel/star/bun/pink/flower / BPD holder, sexual alter, hyperérosian / 🌸[Intro here] ┊──── ┊✩ Syntax / he/it/night/star/rave/dragon/h3/⚠️ / co-host, loyalist, sexual alter, anger holder, BPD holder, hyperérosian / ⚠️ [intro here] ┊──── ┊✩ Supernova / she/he/it/star/silly/cringe/:3 / optimist, delight, energetic alter / 🦊[intro] ┊──── ┊✩ Megatron, Lord Megatron / he/it, or none / [no roles] / 🤖 ╰-┈-┈-┈-┈-

╭-┈ OUR TAGS (that we dont all keep up with when posting ┊✩ #the corporate tower ;; natasha🌸 ┊✩ #the corporate tower ;; syntax⚠️ ┊✩ #the corporate tower ;; supernova🦊 ┊✩ #the corporate tower ;; quantum🔥 ┊✩ #the corporate tower ;; vandro🖋️ ┊✩ #the corporate tower ;; megatron🤖 ┊✩ #the corporate tower ;; archiver🌎 ┊✩ #the corporate tower ;; (unknown) ╰-┈-┈-┈-┈-

Top banner with the stars inspired/modified from here

///

Commissions info

///

Things we've coined :

Coiner of the corporate based term Coiner of the corporate themed term Coiner of the processormade term Coiner of the desircorporate term We also coined the educated self diagnosis flag Coined the factitious disorder flag coined a apiconscious flag just for fun. we're not even apiconscious.

Link to our official system flag

Last updated : October 15th, 2024

[strobbylemonade]

accompanying progress photos

edit: here's the sinner quotes in case the vfx are too strong. and you're not bothered to scroll to every half second. btw i kept all the spellings of names from the translations i used to prevent confusion. but it is still pretty confusing.

yi sang (the end poem of The Wings): I stopped my pace and wanted to shout. Wings, spread out again! Fly. Fly. Let me fly once more. Let me fly just once more

faust (god talks to mephistopheles about faust): He drives his spirit outwards, far, / Half-conscious of its maddened dart: / From Heaven demands the brightest star, / And from the Earth, Joy’s highest art / And all the near and all the far, / [But] Fails to release his throbbing heart.

don quixote (idk the context i stole it off of goodreads ngl): When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams — this may be madness. Too much sanity may be madness — and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!

ryoshu (yoshihide, her inspiration, requested to watch a woman be burnt in a carriage so he could finish his portrait of hell. the emperor agrees to his request but burns his daughter instead): No longer did his eyes seem to mirror the image of his daughter's agonised death. His eyes seemed to delight beyond measure in the beautiful color of the flame and the form of the woman writing in her last infernal tortures.

meursault (at the end of the novel, before his execution, he realises the world doesn't care for him, and gains happiness through this realisation): As if that blind rage had washed me clean, rid me of hope; for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world.

hong lu (pao yu/baoyu/hong lu discovers his soulmate died on the day of his arranged marriage, and falls into such a suicidal depression that his soul slips into the spirit world): Utterly broken, Pao Yu sank back on his pillows. It became black as lacquer before his eyes, and his spirit became lost in the semidarkness of a distant dreamland.

heathcliff (i don't think i need to explain this one): Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living. You said I killed you—haunt me then. Be with me always—take any form—drive me mad. Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!

ishmael (don't need to explain this one either): Call me Ishmael. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world.

rodya (sonia confronts rodion about his actions and he goes on a mad rant to her while trying to justify his actions, scaring sonia in the process. i thought this one was really good for rodya's "stagnation" in tkt): Did I murder the old woman? I murdered myself, not her! I crushed myself once for all, for ever…. But it was the devil that killed that old woman, not I. Enough, enough, Sonia, enough! Let me be!’ he cried in a sudden spasm of agony, ‘let me be!’

dante (another goodreads victim. appropriate for their job as manager): Through me you go into a city of weeping; through me you go into eternal pain; through me you go amongst the lost people.

sinclair (he comes to terms with his childhood ending - demian has dealt with kromer's bullying, but sinclair feels forever changed by kromer introducing him to sin/crime): What had once been Franz Kromer was now embedded in me. And in this way the 'other world' was gaining power over me from outside.

outis (ulysses returns home to his wife penelope, who assumes he is dead. in their house, he pretends to be a stranger to her): So here inside your home, question me about anything you wish except my family or native land, in case you fill my heart with still more grief, as I remember them.

gregor (his final thoughts before his slow suicide by starvation. i included the family line for irony. the apple in his back was thrown at him by his father): The rotting apple in his back and the inflamed area around it already hardly troubled him. He thought of his family with tenderness and love.

virgillius (virgil's introduction in Inferno): I will be thy guide, / And lead thee hence through the eternal place, / Where thou shalt hear the desperate lamentations, / Shalt see the ancient spirits disconsolate, / Who cry out each one for the second death.

charon (this is from Aenid, a latin epic poem by Virgil, the poet who inspired virgil in Inferno): The sullen boatman admits sometimes these, sometimes those; while others to a great distance removed, he debars from the banks.

and a sigmund freud quote about ego: Driven by the id, confined by the superego, repulsed by reality.

also more details in order of when they appear:

angela is far paler in her pale librarian form than her lobcorp form (i SHOULD HAVE included her eye pattern in her lobcorp form but i didnt)

benjamin's broken heart at the first “give me your heart ringing like” which is covered by his tie. some symbolism for him putting aside his morals to work for ayin (speaking of i really wish i included more ayin and carmen in here)

my friend called the pose where angela puts out her hand to roland the 'angela ibuprofen' and i cant stop thinking about it (said friend’s friend then sent her this video)

the first ... --- ... has the dots cover roland's face to mimic his perception blocking mask. the dashes show up in the order angela cuts off his limbs at the start of lor

lobcorp yesod is looking at malkuth because her death is what pushed him over the edge to develop contamination paranoia. also i thought it was weird they mention he was covered head to toe but he wore a crewneck t-shirt and an open labcoat so i changed it to closed labcoat + turtleneck

lobcorp hod has enkephalin on her hands because she feels guilty for what happened to netzach, both his death and addiction

enoch is completely uninjured in the lobcorp flashback

this is just hard to see but the crib is on the left of roland's flashback where he's sitting on the couch

i'm really satisfied with the gebura to olivier transition. yipeee.

puppet angelica's heart is exposed although its pretty hard to see

binah/hokma's 'hearts' are references to their lobcorp breakdown form

i forgot to colour in leviathan vergillius' eyes orz

and when the end credits start rolling the text changes to the taglines of the games (e.g. it says 'song: Face the Fear, Build the Future')

SAVE THIS GAME MR. A

[gameguides]

Mini Heroes Summoners War Codes, 2023 May (DAILY!)

Embark on a captivating journey through Mini Heroes: Summoners War. Unveil a boundless fantasy realm brimming with accessible adventures. Craft a formidable team using strategic cards, bask in the delightful art style, and uncover codes for rewards and free items. Explore our Mini Heroes Codes guide for an exhilarating adventure anytime, anywhere! First, let's talk about what Mini Heroes are. Mini Heroes Summoners War codes are a series of letters and numbers that can be redeemed for various in-game rewards such as gold, diamonds, stamina, skins, and even rare cosmetic items. The best part about Mini Heroes codes is that they are completely free to use. All you need to do is enter the code in the designated field within the game, and the reward will be added to your account. These codes are a great way to get ahead in the game without having to spend real money on in-app purchases. While you are successful in these duels, you may also need free prizes. We have listed the Mini Heroes gift codes you need in this guide. Make sure you always stick to naguide for the latest and greatest code guides before proceeding with the rest of this guide. We have articles covering Doom Clash Codes, Astral Lord Origin Codes, Demian Saga Codes, and much more.

Mini Heroes Summoners War Codes

#MiniHeroesSummonersWar Read the full article

[yes-demian]

demian_tweet x/twitter post [080123]

[cjs-booknook]

Dark and Chaotic Academia Book Recs; Perfect for Autumn Vibes

Aesthetic: undone button ups layered over wrinkled graphic tees of bands you love and places you long to be, piles of old books with yellowed pages and worn in spines, red wine sipped straight from the bottle, scribbled notes in the margins of secondhand textbooks, crying in the library the night before finals begin, the echoed ding-dong of a grandfather clock.

SOME NOTES BEFORE READING

Some books come with trigger warnings please read them before reading the book. Storygraph has a great system to sort through trigger warnings.

All of these books are on my TBR list, except for those noted otherwise by a little asterisk (*). If I have read it, I wholeheartedly recommend it. If I have not, it is something that I am anticipating as a new favorite or something quite close (4+ stars read).

The following books are mixed from several genres and age ranges (ya and adult).

Must Haves for Any Dark Academia List

The Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

If We Were Villains by M. L. Rio

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

Viscous and Vengeful by V. E. Schwab

Classics

Demian by Hermann Hesse (*)

Dracula by Bram Stoker

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (*)

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

Orlando by Virginia Woolf

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley (*)

Anything by Emily Dickens (*)

Anything by Edgar Allan Poe (*)

Contemporary/Modern

Bunny by Mona Awad

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth

The Things We Do To Our Friends by Heather Darwent

They Never Learn by Layne Fargo

Maurice by E. M. Forster

Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado (*)

Babel by R. F. Kuang

The Maidens by Alex Michaelides

Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas

A Lesson in Vengeance by Victoria Lee

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong

Wilder Girls by Rory Power

[ava-monstrum]

"BETWEEN TWO WORLDS!!!!"

So I just saw this super last minute and I just wanna say, yeah, Splatoon has a larger audience. Limbus Company just came out and is not even even finished, meanwhile "Ebb and Flow" is the FINAL boss song. So if you feel that that's reason enough to pick "Ebb and Flow" I get it.

HOWEVER, please consider at least giving "Between Two Worlds" a chance.

I'll put my argument below the keep reading section but please give it a read (also the game is +17 so like, you can ignore this if that bothers you)

it long lol

"Between Two Worlds" is a VERY deep song.

Limbus Company is a game which reimagines characters from classic literature in a post apocalyptic world. And the representation isn't shallow either. Each character and their story so far has had many references to the works they come from. From what I've seen so far, it's heavily implied that the game is going to explore the themes and ideas that were present in these books.

I'm new to project moon, but I've seen fans talk about the passion that the company has for literature and from what I've seen, it shows. Before the game even came out, it was a delight to see everyone theorizing on what would happen to the characters and the various references that were made. Plus, project moon has made two other games previously, so I don't think this reputation is coming from nowhere.

From what I've heard, Project Moon is a small studio with a big ambition. They've made two hefty games with hours of content and an eye for detail, even having the games translated to English despite all of their games being super text heavy. Their passionate and it shows in their story.

Why does that matter? I don't want Limbus Company to be swept aside as just another gotcha. They don't push purchases in your face, the base characters are all viable so far due to the mechanics, and Project Moon has been attentive in updating any issues the game has had so far.

The focus of Limbus Company is absolutely the characters and story. Dante, the player character, is no self insert. He has his own personality, character arc, and interacts with the Sinners in fun ways. The Sinners themselves all have a unique personality that creates some great interactions and situations. HECK, you can only play as the 12 Sinner for the whole game, the gacha is only for pulling alternate versions of them as well as special weapons.

The world is bleak and cruel, and each Sinner has a dark past that they need to overcome. And a horrible feeling looms over me on whether they'll be able to overcome unseen forces in the story.

So, the song. "Between Two Worlds" plays in Chapter 3 (the last chapter available so far), and is focused on Emil Sinclair. A horrible person has destroyed his life and traumatized him. And now that we are confronting this enemy, she wants to shatter Sinclair and have him join her in her fanatic quest of causing suffering. This song is a culmination of both his and her feelings, as well as the themes of the book Demian from where Sinclair is from. It even shares some lyrical motifs from the main them of Limbus Company, "In Hell We Live, Lament." The gentle chorus of the first part show the religious fanaticism of the boss, even twisting the concept of Christmas (an important holiday in the Project Moon series apparently) into something vile. And the second part cascades into chaos, sweeping you up into emotion as the boss is heading for destruction and Sinclair's sense of self is in danger.

In the end, pick whatever you want. It's fine, I also love "Ebb and Flow", and I had a hard time choosing. Heck, Limbus Company is still a young game and could possibly get worse over time. But I see something special and unique in Limbus Company. And Project Moon said that they made it a live service game so they can fund future projects.

Just, give it a listen, maybe even look at the boss fight. Heck, even if "Ebb and Flow" wins, I just want people to know about this game that feels special to me. I don't want to see it written off as a shallow cash grab. And maybe there could be new fans too!

fly octo fly/ebb and flow | between two worlds

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: Revolutionary Girl Utena Is Too Much, That's Why It's Great

  Once upon a time, there was a girl named Utena who wanted to be a prince. At Ohtori Academy, she met another girl named Anthy, who is engaged to a cruel member of the student council. There is a secret ritual at Ohtori in which the student council duels each other for the right to possess her. Utena refuses to allow this to go on any longer and wins Anthy’s hand after school in an arena deep in the woods under the shadow of a fairy tale castle. With this decision, Utena stakes her claim to the nobility of the prince who inspired her. But what does it mean to be noble, anyway?

  So begins Revolutionary Girl Utena, an anime series assembled by former Sailor Moon staffers under the Be-Papas label. But Utena is far more than just that. It’s a festival of gorgeous imagery, teen melodrama, and operatic prog rock. It has a skewed sense of humor that encompasses surfing elephants and pooping monkeys, but is at times one of the scariest and most unnerving anime ever produced. The show’s staff list includes Academy Award-nominated directors like Mamoru Hosada, as well as anime luminaries like MUSHI-SHI’s Hiroshi Nagahama and art director Chieko Nakamura. It’s one of the best anime of the ‘90s and might be my all-time favorite depending on how I feel that day.

    Revolutionary Girl Utena is overflowing with stuff. There’s the classic moments that have spread through popular culture, like Utena doing a flip in the dueling arena or the Sword of Dios erupting from Anthy’s chest. Then there’s the symbolism: multi-colored roses, fine art, and weird goofy animals. There’s are countless references to other things: fans mention Demian and Twin Peaks as clear inspirations, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized the debt the show owes Keiko Takemiya’s seminal boys’ love comic Kaze to Ki no Uta (Song of the Wind and Trees). Series director Kunihiko Ikuhara has earned a reputation over the years as an uncompromising auteur, but in hindsight, I think his talent isn’t so much originality as it is his capacity as a remixer: taking different styles and motifs — for instance, Sailor Moon and avant-garde ‘70s Shuji Terayama plays — and combining them in unexpected ways. The result is a frightening Katamari ball of repurposed pop culture united under a singular visual aesthetic.

  The show’s breadth grants the creators the time and space to indulge in some truly weird ideas. One of the most iconic parts of the series are the shadow girl sequences, which appear like clockwork before an episode’s duel and are either a key for its themes or a joke at the viewer’s expense — or both. Then there are the Nanami episodes, which delight in finding new and hilarious ways to torture the show’s resident mean girl. An entire third of the show is devoted to the Black Rose Arc, which puts Utena and Anthy’s story on hold to flesh out the side cast and crank up the horror imagery. Despite its lack of relevance to the show’s “main plot,” the Black Rose Arc alone is a favorite of several folks I know and foreshadows all of Ikuhara’s later work.  I can’t imagine the show without it.

    Plenty of anime has since come along bearing Utena’s influence. Some of them were created by Utena staff members, like 2019’s Sarazanmai. Others are disciples of later Ikuhara-directed projects; for instance, Shouko Nakamura led a crew of Penguindrum alumni to create the charming film Classmates, while the visually stunning Revue Starlight anime franchise is led by Yuri Bear Storm director Tomohiro Furukawa and his team. Across the seas, Steven Universe bears Utena’s print. Even the massively popular phone game Fate/GO has some Utena DNA through its writers' shared interest in the series. Some of these works have managed to approach Utena’s substance, while others have equaled or even exceeded its style. Yet I’d say that none of these series have managed to fully encompass what Utena was at its best. Even my pick for the best of the lot, fellow Sailor Moon alumni Ikuko Itoh's marvelous Princess Tutu, lacks just a bit of Utena’s spice by comparison.

  Utena has plenty of style and substance, but I wouldn’t say either of those elements is the show’s true secret sauce. One potential answer is its cruelty. Utena allows its cast to be genuinely mean to each other in ways that contemporaries like Revue Starlight never allow. At the same time, the show tackles themes that child-friendly series like Steven Universe and Princess Tutu could or would not touch: rape, incest, abuse. That is not to say that Utena does so perfectly. While rewatching the series this year with friends, I found myself questioning exactly what the creators were trying to do with certain scenes (especially in the show’s final arc), or wondering if they were being too knowing or flippant with such loaded material. I wouldn’t begrudge people who find it to be too much for them, or prefer work that takes a less aggressive approach. Personally, though, I appreciate Utena’s willingness to delve into messy and conflicted feelings. I think the show’s heart is in the right place even if it can be mean to its audience.

    That said, rather than cruelty, I think the true answer is the show’s size. At 39 episodes, Revolutionary Girl Utena sprawls, replete with weird little cul de sacs and dead ends. These indulgences are inseparable from the show’s character. When I first watched the show as a teenager, I thought it was perfect. With the benefit of hindsight, I see that the series isn’t a pristine monument, but a tangled bird’s nest. Yet that’s exactly what makes the show as a whole so enduring. No other anime of its kind is as shocking, hilarious, dramatic or even boring for so much time. Utena is not any weaker for being overstuffed.  Utena is great because it is overstuffed.

  That great uncompromising size and density has drawn writers to the show over the years like moths to a flame. Enterprising readers looking for an episodic guide to the series might turn to Vrai Kaiser’s Consulting Analyst or Dee Hogan’s Utena Watch Party. Those seeking to understand Utena’s influence on Japanese anime at large should turn to the classic blog post Ikuhara School Directors & Utena's Legacy. If that still isn’t enough, the annals of the fansite Empty Movement will keep you busy until the End of the World. I believe that these writers are drawn to Utena not because it is intimidating or pretentious but for its generosity. It’s not so much that the answers to Utena are in doubt, as that there are so many answers you could continue to write about the series for years and still never cover them all. Like Revolutionary Girl Utena itself, their collective efforts are an act of love. As Be-Papas honored what they loved in their work, we honor them. Meanwhile, Utena endures: a gorgeous, funny, scary, frustrating, outrageous, weird, and always surprising masterpiece.

  Are you a Revolutionary Girl Utena fan? What is your favorite Nanami episode? Do you ever find yourself singing "Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku" while walking up staircases? Let us know in the comments!

      Adam W is a Features Writer at Crunchyroll. When he isn't rewatching the Utena movie every New Year's Eve, he sporadically contributes with a loose coalition of friends to a blog called Isn't it Electrifying? You can find him on Twitter at: @wendeego

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a feature, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Adam Wescott

[arizonapoppy]

Sweeter Than Sweet

"He too was a tempter; he, too, was a link to the second [world],

the evil world with which I no longer wanted to have anything to do."

Herman Hesse, Demian

Pairing: Arihnda Pryce x Thrawn

Words: 1087

Summary: Arihnda Pryce visits an exclusive (and secret) nightclub on Coruscant with all manner of exotic delights.

Warnings: non-consensual kissing, sex work, sexual slavery, canon-typical racism

Read it on Ao3

A/N: Thank you to my beta, @myevilmouse ! This is my entry for the “Thrawn in Chains” challenge. Those of you who know me, know exactly what inspired me. This is a combination Thryce Discord Challenge/Valentine’s Day/IFD2022 cross-over. Mind the tags.

[gerrycoco]

Here are chapter 4 and 5 of the TOL fanfic I’m writing based on @nwarrior777 comic. I’d been meaning to post chapter 4 a while back but hadn’t been sure where my cut off was between these two chapters until I finished them today. 

Hope you enjoy and more should be coming soon hopefully! 

You can also read this fic on ao3

Chapter 4 

The weeks ticked away slowly but surely at the Academy, summer turning into fall and steadily veering into winter. I continued to have the best of fun with Tamara doing all sorts of shenanigans.

With the end of October came Halloween where she snuck us out to go trick or treating when Halloween came around. As we finished up grabbing as much candy as we could, I only half noticed how cold the weather was becoming.

A few weeks later there came the first snowfall, which everyone was super excited about. After a particularly big snowfall most of the residents of the Academy, myself and Tamara included, found ourselves in the outdoor courtyard making snowmen.

Given my nature of not being very good at anything, my own attempts at making a snowman were quite subpar. I could see others not far away snickering among themselves, probably whispering about how ironic it was that someone with ice powers was so bad at stuff involving snow.

I was rather preoccupied by my increasing discomfort at being in the cold to really notice them. Tamara, however, glared in their direction as she joined me after reappearing from having gone to get some extra accessories for our snowmen. "Don't listen to them, Demian," she said, "this isn't a competition or anything, the whole point is just to have fun."

"Yeah I know," I replied, trying to blow on my hands to get them warmer, which only made things worse as with my powers all I did was blow frost over my fingers. It was then that I realized that I didn't have to go about making a snowman the old fashion way. Stretching my hands out in front of me me I tried summoning the snow around me to form into a shape.

"Demian maybe that isn't a good idea," Tamara said, her voice filled with concern, "the doctors told you to be careful about how long you spend in the snow and you already look really cold. I think we should go back inside."

"Hang on, just give me a minute," I managed to reply despite my teeth chattering loudly due to how cold I was. A small crowd of others had come by to watch curiously and I was not about to give them another reason to tease me. Within moments I'd accumulated a pile of snow that I was twisting and bending with frost from my own hands. I’d stopped shivering by then so I ignored how painfully cold I was feeling and concentrated to finish what I was doing.

Soon I had made a full sized snowman, but this time shaped like an actual human. "Tada," I said, with difficulty, now that my whole face felt frozen, "say hello to snow Tamara!" The others all gasped as they came closer to inspect the near perfect snow and ice replica of my friend.

Tamara herself however looked at me, a very stern expression on her face as she grabbed my hand and teleported us inside. Once she was done she dropped my hand and glared at me, looking quite mad. "What were you thinking?! That was dangerous!" she exclaimed loudly.

"What do you mean?" I meant to ask, surprised by how angry she looked. I never got the chance to do so though as everything suddenly went dark.

***********************************************

"You got him here just in time so thankfully he's going to be alright," I heard an unknown voice say.

I groaned as I tried to stir, finding that my whole body was tingling from the sensation of me slowly defrosting. With difficulty I managed to open my eyes, to see that I was in the back room of the infirmary.

"What, what happened?" I asked, the words slightly slurred as my mouth and tongue still hadn't regained full sensation.

"You did something really stupid is what happened," Tamara spat out, angrily wiping tears from her eyes. She then ran out of the room, leaving me alone with who I now saw was a nurse.

“Tamara wait!” I called out. I tried to sit up so I could go after her but realized I was still too numb to do so.

“Woah take it easy there,” the nurse said, putting a hand on my shoulder to prevent me from trying again. “You need to stay lying down for a while longer, your body likely can’t tolerate going into an upright position just yet,” he explained to me. “Right now you need to rest. The doctor should be here shortly to check up on you to make sure you’re doing alright.”

I sighed unhappily but nodded in resignation. The image of Tamara’s face was burnt into my mind as I replayed the scene again over and over again. She had looked so scared and hurt, I felt terrible for putting her through what I imagined was a rather frightening experience.

My wallowing was interrupted by the arrival of the doctor, who I saw was the same I had met when first arriving at the Academy. “We meet again young man,” he said, though he clearly was far from delighted to be seeing me at the present. “That was a very foolish thing you did back there.”

“Yeah I know…” I replied, feeling the guilt weigh on my chest. Added to the fact that I fail at basically everything, I’ve also never exactly been known for being a particularly smart person. Even back at home, my family would usually avoid leaving me alone for extended periods of time.

“It’s a good thing your friend was there and that she was able to teleport you back inside when she did,” the doctor went on, his brows creasing into a concerned frown. He looked over at the monitor I’d been hooked up to and then picked up the chart on my bedside to examine it as well. “Thankfully you hadn’t gone far beyond moderate hypothermia and so your loss of consciousness was likely a form of rewarming shock.”

“I… I didn’t realize it had gotten that bad..” I said, feeling quite scared myself now that the reality of what had just happened was sinking in. “I wasn’t even shivering at the end.”

“Well that’s because shivering is only associated with the milder forms of hypothermia,” the doctor explained, putting the chart down and pulling out a small flashlight from his pocket. He then proceeded to point it in front of each eye and had me follow the beam with my gaze. “We already knew that you would be more sensitive to cold, but it appears now that because of your powers you’ve gone from warm blooded to cold blooded, no pun intended.”

“You mean, like a lizard?” I asked, my brain feeling a bit fuzzy as I tried to process what the doctor was telling me while spots danced in my vision from having the flashlight directed at my eyes.

“Yes precisely, or almost anyway,” the doctor replied, “cold-blooded creatures can’t internally cool themselves off while you have no problem with that. However, like them, you appear to have difficulty with generating sufficient body heat without some external help, which would explain why you progressed so quickly into an increasing hypothermic state.”

I simply blinked at him in response, his sciency explanations were too much for my thawing brain to understand. He appeared to see the look of overall confusion in my eyes and he gave me a small half-smile as he put the flashlight away in his pocket.

“The point is,” he went on, “from now on you will have to take extra special care to make sure you only spend short periods of time in cold environments.”

********************************************* I took the doctor’s word very seriously once I was allowed to leave the infirmary. Not only did I completely avoid going outside, I also made sure to always have an extra warm sweater as well as a hoodie wherever I went. While it might have been overkill, I didn’t want to risk anything happening again.

Mostly I kept to myself as the others gave me looks whenever I was in the common areas or the cafeteria. They had either been there to see me almost freeze to death or had heard about it as gossip spread rapidly around the Academy. I therefore spent the next few days in my room waiting for something new to happen so they wouldn’t be focused on me anymore. Time passed slowly though as I spent it alone seeing Tamara and I hadn’t spoken since the incident.

While normally she was constantly popping into my room to hang out, almost a week went by without me seeing her at all. She had obviously been very upset by my actions and I figured she was still mad at me about it. I really wanted to go and apologize, but, because of her teleportation powers, Tamara was very good at making sure she wasn’t able to be found if she didn’t want to be.

After a few days I decided it had gone on for long enough and decided to park myself outside her room. I figured if I stayed there at one point she’d have no choice but to talk to me. There was always the risk of her teleporting in and out of her room without ever having to use the door, but Tamara could usually only teleport so many times in a day before it started draining her too much and she risked ending up in the wrong place.

I decided then to go and wait outside her bedroom door after dinner time since she was more likely to be tired then and therefore less likely to use her powers to disappear on me. I’d been sitting there for a while, just scrolling on my phone as I waited, when I finally saw her walking down the hallway towards her room. She hadn’t noticed me yet, her head bent and gaze stuck around her shoes, looking about as miserable as I had been feeling.

“Tamara!” I called out, popping her out of her thoughts as her head snapped up at the sound of my voice. At this point she was about ten steps away from her door and I could see in her eyes that she was weighing whether it was worth it to try teleporting past me.

I stood up quickly and walked the distance between us, putting my hand on her arm. “Tamara, please,” I pleaded, “can we talk? I’d really like to apologize…”

She grimaced for a moment then let out a sigh. “Fine,” she replied, removing my hand and going to her bedroom door. I followed closely as she opened it, hoping that she wouldn’t dash in just to slam the door in my face. Instead she held the door open and gestured for me to come inside.

I went and sat down on the chair by the desk while Tamara shut the door before going to sit on the end of her bed. She glanced quickly in my direction before looking away and crossing her arms, visibly still quite upset with me.

I’d spent the time waiting outside her room going through how best to apologize to her, but in that moment all scenarios vanished from my mind as we sat in silence while I tried to figure out the best way to start. “So… I guess I’ll just start off by saying that I’m aware that what I did was really stupid and dangerous and I’m sorry for doing that to you…”

Tamara was silent for a beat before turning to look at me. “What were you even thinking doing that?” she interrogated. “Even without using your powers you’re more at risk when it’s cold, but with what you did you just made it 10 times worse! So what, you just couldn’t help but show off, right?”

I stared at her, surprised for a moment. It hadn’t occurred to me that by using my powers I’d put myself in even greater danger, although thinking about it now it did make sense. “No I wasn’t trying to show off, at least I don’t think so…” I replied, feeling quite uneasy. “I was failing at making a snowman the normal way just like I fail with everything else and then I remembered I have ice powers so, like, why not use the one thing I’m good at that’s actually relevant to the situation for once.”

“You’re telling me you made a snow person that looked just like me and it wasn’t just so you could look good in front of the others after they had made fun of you?” Tamara retorted, looking rather skeptical.

“I mean, maybe a tiny bit,” I admitted, “but mostly I did it because I thought it would make you smile. You’re always doing nice things for me so I just wanted to be able to do something nice for you too for once.”

“R-really?” Tamara asked, her tone now very different.

“Yeah, I just thought it would be funny for you to have a snow twin,” I said, letting out a nervous chuckle.

At this Tamara finally gave me a small smile before it fell away and she suddenly looked quite sad. “I guess I thought you had ignored my warning because you were too busy trying to impress the others. And maybe deep down a part of me was also scared that if it worked you were going to find new friends and wouldn’t want to hang out with me anymore…”

“What? Tamara no of course not…” I replied, getting up from the chair and going to sit down next to her on the bed. “You’re my best friend Tamara, you’re my only friend really. You’re also the reason nothing worse happened since you pretty much saved my life by teleporting us back inside when you did.”

“Damn right I did,” Tamara retorted with a smirk. “I hope you learned your lesson because I might not always be there to save your butt.”

“Oh don’t worry, I don’t plan on making the same mistake again,” I laughed. Tamara gave me a real smile this time and leaned over to hug me tightly.

“Okay enough talk about snow and ice now, how about we go get some hot cocoa?” I suggested.

“Good idea,” Tamara replied before teleporting us out of her room.

Chapter 5 

While I was quite happy to be hanging out with Tamara once again, our time together afterwards was somewhat short lived. Her one year at the Academy was coming to an end and shortly before Christmas she returned home to her family. Thankfully, during the holidays, the Academy made special allowances where they hosted an annual Christmas party and other fun events for family and friends. With this I was kept well occupied up until New Years after which things went back to normal, leaving me to find myself mostly alone once again.

I was able to see my family during visiting weeks of course, but I still wasn’t having much luck in finding any other friends now that Tamara was gone. No one really cared about me when I wasn’t using my powers and ever since my last incident I’d basically decided against doing anything ice related unless it was actually useful, which in the dead of winter it really wasn’t.  

Although my own one year milestone was still a good few months away, I figured I could start looking at different job possibilities to look forward to once I was able to return home. It was better than dying of boredom in the meantime. After all, the Academy had a department set up for the exact purpose of counseling and preparing those who wished to find themselves jobs once their time was up.

This didn’t end up being the most successful endeavor however. While the counselors were very nice and tried to look at different options with me, they had a hard time finding anything that would be a good fit. I’m not sure what I was expecting really, since by being not so great at basically everything I didn’t exactly have very many employable skills. The other issue is that usually the main solution is to try to find something that works with a person’s specific powers. In my case though, this didn’t pan out much since all the actual real jobs that would hire someone with ice powers involved working in very cold environments, and I was not going to make that same mistake twice.

“Unfortunately the only other option I can find is volunteer work,” Lenny, the counselor who had been assigned my case, informed me. “That means you wouldn’t be paid, but it would still be something if ever you’re interested.”

I left the employment center feeling quite disappointed as I headed towards the cafeteria. It was family visiting day and my mom would be arriving soon. Multiple parents and other family members had already started arriving as I entered the cafeteria and sat down at a table while I waited. A few minutes later I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Hi mom,” I said, doing my best to smile as I turned to hug her before she sat down next to me.

“What’s wrong honey?” my mom asked directly. “Something is up, I can tell.”

I blinked with surprise at this. I’d forgotten how perceptive my mom could be. “I… well…” I started, going on to explain to her my less than promising visit with the employment department. “So I might not be able to get an actual job once I’m done here…” I added, looking down at my hands, blinking my eyes madly as I tried not to cry.  

“I see,” my mother replied. She reached over to take one of my hands in her own and gave it a tight squeeze. I looked up at her to see her smiling warmly at me. “Demian, just remember that no matter what happens, whether you manage to find a job or not, you will always have a place at home waiting for you,” she said tenderly as her free hand went to wipe away a tear that had slid down my cheek.

I gave her a watery smile as I leaned in to hug her tightly. “Thank you mom, I love you,” I said, sniffling softly.

“I love you too sweetheart,” my mother replied, hugging me back just as tightly. “Always have and always will.

****************************************

After the visit with my mother I felt somewhat better about my future beyond the Academy. Though I still didn’t exactly know how I would ever manage to find a job, I also knew that I couldn’t give up trying.

My mood was also greatly improved by Tamara’s sudden and unexpected return to the Academy mid February. She’d had an unfortunate mishap with her powers, although she hadn’t really wanted to talk about it much upon her return. Bottom line was that she needed to be monitored at the Academy for another year now because of it. While I found that extremely unfortunate for her, I was also, rather selfishly, quite happy to have her back around.

It was only about a month later that she was finally willing to explain to me what had happened. Apparently when she had gone back home she had bumped into a former partner she had been dating not long before she had arrived at the Academy. They stayed in contact for the first little while after she had discovered her powers, however the long distance slowly became a strain on their relationship.

“At that point we agreed it was best to take a break and reconnect once I was able to go back home after my year was up,” Tamara explained to me.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about this?” I asked, feeling surprised and almost a bit hurt that I’d never heard about this before.

“I guess I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high just in case it didn’t work out,” she replied. “In the end that’s what happened because when I finally saw them again they were dating someone else…”

“Oh Tamara… I’m so sorry…” I said, gently putting my hand on her shoulder.

“It’s okay,” she said, though she had a sad look in her eye. “It was for the best really, I don’t think we would’ve lasted very long in the end. But this happened on Valentine's Day of all days so needless to say I wasn’t feeling great after that. After seeing them together with their new partner I almost ran home, trying not to cry. I tried to teleport back but instead of my room I somehow ended up on Mars.”

“Mars?! You mean, like the planet?” I asked, shocked and confused.

“Yep,” Tamara replied. “Luckily I quickly teleported back to Earth, first in Antarctica and then at the top of the Eiffel Tower. It took a few tries but I finally made it home before coming back here and begging them to put me on blockators. I felt like I was going insane.”

“Wow that’s crazy,” I said, not sure what else to say at this point.

“Yeah…” Tamara acquiesced, her gaze downcast. “I’ve never really been lucky with dating anyway so I guess it’s not really all that surprising. I am a bit much after all and I’m not really dating material…”

“Absolutely not!” I protested, offended that my friend could think so low of herself. “You are funny and adorable and super thoughtful and anyone would be lucky to date you!” I exclaimed, tapping the table with insistence with every new point I added.

Tamara laughed at my display, most of the sadness now gone from her eyes. “Thank you, I really needed that,” she giggled. “But that makes me think, what about you? I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned anything about dating either.”

“Oh,” I replied meekly, now that I was being put on the spot. “I haven’t ever really dated to be honest…”

“Really? Like you’ve never had a girlfriend… or a boyfriend?” Tamara asked, leaving the door open for me to fill in the blank.

I could feel myself blushing at this, feeling a bit embarrassed about the topic. “I, uh… I guess I’m not totally sure where I stand in terms of sexuality… it’s never felt super clear for me and I haven’t really had the chance to figure it out for myself quite yet.”

“That’s okay then,” Tamara said, smiling kindly. “There’s no rush for you to find an answer or anything. And if ever you do figure it out and feel like dating whoever it is will also be lucky to be with someone like you.”

“Thanks Tamara,” I said, smiling back at her.

“Just for the record, you’re great and everything, but you’re not my type dude,” Tamara stated matter of factly. We looked at each other seriously for a moment before both bursting into laughter so hard we were in tears.

**************************** Before I knew it there was only one month left before I was to leave the Academy. Poor Lenny was still doing his best to try and find me a job but unless I miraculously developed an actual useful workskill there was only so much he could do.

Of course I was allowed to stay on at the Academy once my time was up in order to volunteer and help with the newcomers. I would be allowed to room and board there by doing so but it wasn’t an actual job or anything and that wasn’t something that actually paid. Because of the laws and regulations put in place for awakened, there needed to remain a place for them to stay if they weren’t able to return to society for one reason or another. To avoid people taking advantage of that and using it as an easy way out to not have to work, the Academy stipulated that they would not pay permanent/long term residents. Instead it was a barter type system where those who wished to stay had to contribute in some form or fashion according to their powers or abilities.

Some people, both within and outside the Academy, still saw it as a lazy option while others saw it as the epitome of despair. I thought both those views were rather extreme and unfair. However, I also didn’t want to stay at the Academy forever. I wasn’t ready to believe that there was truly nothing out there for me, not yet at least. The only thing that made me feel better was knowing that Tamara was also still going to be around for a good few more months even if I did wind up having to stay at the Academy for longer.

There was also the option of going back home to my parents for a while before coming back to stay at the Academy. That way I could stay with them for a bit and then move back into the Academy the next time I would be coming in for my regular post one year check in to make sure my powers were still stable. As time went on I figured I would go with that option since I hadn't gone home in nearly a year and had mainly seen my parents during visits. That way I would get to spend some time with the rest of my family but also come back to be with Tamara for the time she had left at the Academy.

I was starting to pack my stuff when I heard an unexpected knock at my door. I was confused as to who it could be, since Tamara usually just let herself in at this point. Putting down the shirt I’d been trying to fold I went to open the door, surprised to see Lenny standing there. “Lenny, what are you doing here?”

“Hi Demian,” Lenny greeted me, “I know you’ve been planning on going home soon but I have some interesting news for you that might just change your mind…”

[mercyfuls]

he wouldn't call it dreadful, but the event is definitely firmly on the side of obligation rather than enjoyment. and he can understand why demian would give it that label. " i can imagine, " he says — though his situation is different, dom grew up in the shadow of his prodigy siblings and knows the delight of managing others' unreasonable expectations. he knows better than to dig, instead seeking a new topic of conversation. " well, if anyone asks, we're having a deep and extremely important discussion about work that simply cannot be put off any longer, " dom offers. " or you can shadow me for a while, i've found it's useful to have agents from multiple factions in a conversation. "

               "     amusement  colors  their  expression  at  the  agent’s  answer  ,  he  doesn’t  look  directly  miserable  ,  but  demian  would  bet  a  fortune  he  is  close  to  it  .  they  take  pity  on  them  ,  though  ,  and  decide  not  to  make  him  one  of  the  victims  of  their  stupidity  tonight  ,  instead  ,  a  sip  is  given  to  their  drink  ,  followed  by  a  low  hum .     "  it’s  a  dreadful  night  ,  i  get  you .  "    and  they  do  ,  truly  .  that’s  the  reason  they  started  drinking  the  moment  they  arrived   —   to  make  things  easier  ,  to  avoid  this  dreadful  night  full  of  appearances  and  a  duty  they’ve  never  been  good  at  fulfilling  .  clicking  their  tongue  after  a  sigh  ,  demian  contemplates  their  answer .     "  i  can’t  afford  an  escape  ,  so  definitely  just  a  respite  .  my  parents  have  been  on  my  ass  since  the  invitations  arrived  and  …  yeah  ,  it’s  , uh ... exhausting .  "     everyone  knew  about  them  ,  demian  was  aware  of  that  ,  but  somehow  ,  deep  down  ,  he  harbored  hope  that  domnhall  was  one  of  the  few  absolutely  oblivious  about  their  parents'  reputation