#definitely should’ve waited until the end of January but it’s too late now

[laomelettedufromage]

Starting to massively regret deciding to move in December

[shelbywanders]

Chapter 23: Infertile

So...let’s start from the beginning yeah?

February 2018, we found out the best news, we were expecting! With my past history, we thought for sure we would be trying for a while. So the fact that I was staring at a positive pregnancy test after just a mere two months trying to get pregnant was unreal. But 9 extremely long, tiring and definitely taken for granted months, out popped the greatest gift I’ve ever been given; my Adeline Mae! 

She was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, I know that sounds so cliche. She came out looking like her daddy’s clone (go figure) except for that sweet little button nose & I just couldn’t believe that we had made something so damn perfect. 

I won’t get into the details of being a new mum and all that jazz in this post, but of course, there’s a lot that goes on in the first year. But one thing that started to get on me and my husband’s minds pretty quickly was growing our family. When Addy was around 6 months, we decided it was time to start trying again. We always talked about having our kiddos close in age and at the time, we wanted lots of them. I had a hard pregnancy with Addy, but that didn’t change my feelings about wanting that big family I always dreamed of having with the person I loved. I have three younger brothers who are 10, 8, & 7. I’ve grown to love how close they are in age and wanted that for my kids too. Me and my older sister are 4 years apart and while we’re super close now, there came a time where we weren't. We’ve always envisioned ourselves with kids just a couple years apart, and get all of our baby making years out of the way so that we can then stop, relax and watch all our kids grow up together. Of course, plans don’t always exactly go as planned. 

I exclusively breastfed Adeline until she was 20 months. When we started trying, my periods had returned but weren’t regular at all anymore. So I started my TTC journey a bit different than I did back in 2018. OPK’s became my best friend and little did I know how many I would go through the next almost two years and counting. But they did help me learn more about my cycle and I grew accustomed over constantly peeing on things every day. 

We were super excited in the beginning, it always is. It’s fun, it’s sexy, it’s exhilarating. The two week wait is exciting as you anxiously wait to pee on some more sticks. The first few times of getting your period, of course it’s a let down, but you keep on keeping on because surely...it will happen soon! Until it doesn’t...

Around Addy’s first birthday which was around 6/7 months of trying I started to get that aching feeling that was new to me. Why isn’t it happening? Shouldn't I be pregnant by now? What are we doing wrong? In our grand plan of our life, I was wanting to be pregnant by Addy’s first birthday and that came and went. Sex wasn’t much fun anymore, I was tired of having to buy more ovulation tests and tired of squinting at clearly negative but also wait, is that a line? tests over and over again. But of course...we just kept trying, praying that next month will be our month. 

December came, month 7/8. I was so busy creating orders for my small shop and we weren’t hardcore tracking. We did the the deed once, the day before my birthday. Two weeks later, I realized I was late. Two days late actually. What?! This hasn’t happened before...grabbed the nearest test to me and finally. Finally. Two pink little lines. A faint line, but a line nonetheless! We were pregnant!!! I remember running to the store to get more tests because I have to see the progression, ya know, peace of mind. I stopped in the kids clothing section and spotted a cute “Big Sister” shirt and grabbed it. I wanted Addy to wear it out and see how long it took my hubby to notice what her shirt said. Unfortunately, she never got to wear that shirt and it’s stashed in the bottom of her dresser three sizes too small now. 

To keep it short and sweet, we lost our squishy baby that should’ve stuck around for 9 months and created a family of four just a couple of weeks after finding out. Instead, it started a whirlwind of emotions that I didn’t even know I could feel and a fight that we’re still battling to as I type this all out. Maybe one day I’ll make another blog about the miscarriage and all the feelings that came with it, just not in this post. 

At this point, here we are entering 2020 grieving the loss of what would’ve been. We picked ourselves up as much as we could and kept on going. Trying. Praying. Crying. Trying. Praying. Crying. We hit a year TTC in May 2020 and I felt a new level of hopelessness. Chapter 23: Infertile?... But how? I’ve gotten pregnant easily in the past, I’ve carried a baby, my body has done this before...what is wrong? 13 months TTC and we had the talk. The talk about trying to find answers and get some help. I set up a costly consultation with a fertility clinic in June. Our insurance doesn’t cover anything so of course, it was a big decision we had to make. While waiting for my cycle to start so that we could start fertility treatments, I had my first chemical pregnancy. So that was another heartache...moving on. 

August 2020, I have my first medicated cycle with my RE. I was on Clomid 50mg, triggered with Ovidrel and progesterone supplements after ovulation. The first cycle was perfect. Absolutely beautiful. I was ecstatic! My body responded so well to the meds and I ovulated at the perfect time and everything seemed great. Didn’t get pregnant, which sucked. $1200 in the hole, but hey! The meds worked. Let’s try again. Second cycle, same thing. My body didn’t respond at all. Nothing. Cycle cancelled...$1200 done the drain again. At this point the holidays were quickly approaching and our wallets were struggling so we put a hold on fertility treatments and we haven’t done any since. The month after we stopped, I had another chemical. That felt like a big ol’ screw you. 

Hold tight, you’re almost caught up! We’re nearing the end of 2020, thank GOD. That hellish year needed to leave STAT. January 2021. New starts, new chances. I had an appt with my primary to talk about what I have been suspecting to be the problem of our infertility struggles. And that’s when a diagnosis came around. PCOS. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. it’s one of the most common reproductive conditions in women and one of the leading causes for infertility. It runs in my family, my symptoms matched, I just couldn’t see it being anything else. As for Addy? I truly think we just got lucky. Blessed. I will never question it. I’m beyond grateful because I cannot imagine not having her right now. I started on Metformin a couple of weeks ago, a drug that helps treat PCOS. I also started a diet and have lost about 15 lbs so far! My motivation is because after this we will probably start doing IUI’s and I want to make sure I’m in good health so that are chances are as good as they can be. But of course...we are praying and hoping that it doesn’t come to that and by some miracle, we get pregnant naturally again before we go down that road. 

So there it is! You’re caught up. I didn’t go into many details on individual experiences because I knew this post was already going to be long. I just felt like a little synopsis of our TTC & infertility journey was needed before I continue writing about my experiences! I’ve felt pretty alone, even though I have people around me who care and love for me but they just haven’t gone through this so it’s hard to relate to anyone. I find writing to help. Getting it out there even if no one reads it. I am absolutely determined to make 2021 beautiful and I believe in every inch of me that our rainbow baby is coming to us. This month. Next month. Maybe at the end of the year. But I know it will happen...I can’t lose hope even if I wanted to. I’m hoping by sharing our journey, we can all find hope within each other. You’re not alone. I’m not alone. Our wishes will come true. Our prayers will be answered. As they say...even miracles take a little time. 

xoxo shelby 

[skepticalcatfrog]

Every Week on Thursday (Aurora High School)

Introduction Part One Introduction Part Two Masterpost

Summary: When Finian realizes just how much he’s struggling in Social Studies, he turns to Scarlett for help.

Pairings: (Pre-romantic) Scarlett Jones x Finian de Seel

Word count: 4,090

Author’s Notes: Guess who’s back and better than ever with some brand new content! It’s ya girl! I’ve been in a real creative slump you guys, but I finally got something done and I’m feeling GOOD! (Requests for this au are still open, by the way! I can’t guarantee that I’ll do every one I get, but we’ll see.)

Important Author’s Notes: This story contains a character who is disabled. I did do some research, but since I don’t have a disability, it’s virtually impossible for me to be an expert on the topic. If you are more knowledgeable about this than I might be, and you notice an inaccuracy, please let me know what it is and I’ll try to fix it!

January 16th, Thursday

Finian hated Social Studies. It was as simple as that. He figured, why should he have to learn about a bunch of old people when most of them were assholes anyway? Not to mention the fact that he just couldn’t get the hang of it. He could never focus on studying, often found himself spacing out during class, and thusly struggled with tests and quizzes. He managed to keep his grades pretty high, and if anyone were to ask he’d say it was just luck, but in reality he found it insanely easy to get away with cheating.

For some reason, though, he’d decided that it was time to put in some effort. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do it on his own, so he’d concocted a plan. He would get himself a tutor. But it couldn’t be just anyone. No, it had to be someone he trusted. Fortunately for him, he knew exactly who that person would be.

The moment the final bell rang, he was off. Fin’s classmates rarely let him leave first, even though they almost definitely should’ve, so he was usually last. As he maneuvered his way through the hall, he looked around for the girl who would (hopefully) agree to be his tutor. Then he spotted her fiery red hair, and almost instinctively smiled. She was standing at her locker, packing her books into her backpack. He weaved around his classmates as he tried to get to her.

“Scarlett!” He called out, hoping she’d be close enough to hear him. Sure enough, she turned and waved.

“Good afternoon, Finian.” Scarlett said as he stopped beside her. She started walking down the hall, and he followed alongside her. “I’m going to the front door, is that out of your way?”

“Nope, not at all.” Fin lied, hoping she wouldn’t notice.

“Okay then, what’s up?”

“I’ve got a problem.” Fin got straight to the point. “I have a big test coming up in Social Studies, and I know nothing. My head is empty, there’s just clouds and stuff in there. Long story short, I need someone to tutor me.”

“Okay… and why are you asking me?” She raised an eyebrow.

“You’re, like, an expert at Social Studies. Why would I ask anyone but the expert?” Fin said as if it was obvious. Then, worried that he was coming on too strong, he added one more point. “Plus, you’re my friend, so I trust you to not fuck it up. For the most part.”

Scarlett laughed and shook her head. “You really have a way with words, don’t you?”

“It’s my specialty.” He ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to slick it back, but it immediately bounced back again. “So, what do you say?”

“Sure, I’ll do it. I’ve got nowhere better to be anyway.” Scarlett shrugged. “What were you thinking for times and locations?”

“Well, I would say my house, but that’s a no for a few reasons. For example, my siblings and cousins never shut up. Plus my parents would flip their shit if a girl visited who 1, isn’t related to us, and 2, isn’t with my cousin Dariel. I’ve got no clue how he gets girls in the first place, but somehow he does.” Fin said, already feeling like he’d given plenty of unnecessary information. “So do you have any ideas?”

“We could go to the library.” Scarlett suggested. “It’s pretty quiet, plus all the books and things will be useful.”

“Which one, the old dusty one that looks like the set of a horror movie, or the big two-story one in the middle of town next to the movie theater?” Fin asked.

“The big one. It’s newer, so I assume it’ll have more up-to-date information.” Scarlett explained.

“I’ve never been in that one. And who knows, maybe after the boring stuff, we could catch a movie!” Fin winked. He was mostly joking, but not entirely. Apparently Scarlett had taken it as a joke, because she laughed a little, then brought the conversation back to the subject at hand.

“And as for times, I’m free on Tuesdays.” She told him.

Fin shook his head. “I’ve got practice for the play on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. Friday, maybe?”

“Can’t, I’ve got debate club.” Scarlett thought for a moment. “What about Thursdays?”

“That works.” He nodded. “But today is Thursday, so does today count?”

“I’m going to say no, just because it’s too short notice. Next week, though, sure. What about 3:00, just to give us some time to freshen up after school?” Scarlett picked up her bag and started walking, Fin following alongside her even though his mom picked him up at the side of the school opposite the direction they were going.

“Is that your way of telling me you think I look bad?” Fin asked in false indignance.

“What? No.” Scarlett smiled.

“So you think I look good then?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Shut up, Finian.” Her smile widened and he couldn’t help but stare.

Okay, look. Finian definitely wasn’t much of a people person. He barely talked to anyone outside of the tightly knit friend group he’d made himself, unless of course he absolutely needed to. So what are the odds that he’d fallen for the exact opposite kind of person? Scarlett was extroverted, and was great at talking to people, had a smile that could light up a room, and was certainly more popular than Fin was. If it wasn’t for the fact that they were talking to each other at that very moment, he’d be convinced that she didn’t know he existed. He knew he’d never have a chance with her anyway. But still, there was something about her that drew him in, even though he figured it would end in disappointment anyway.

“I guess this is my stop.” Scarlett said as they approached the front door, pulling Fin out of his thoughts. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He waved to her as she left, waiting to move until the door had closed behind her. Once it had, he started on his way to the opposite end of the school, where his mom was most definitely already waiting for him.

January 23rd, Thursday #2

Scarlett had been sitting in the library and waiting for Fin for the past 30 minutes. She wondered if he’d decided to bail. He definitely had a habit of not admitting when he was struggling, so it was a possibility that he wouldn’t show. Maybe she should just leave and text him later, there was no use waiting if he wasn’t ever going to get there. 

She got up and slung her bag over her shoulder, but just as she was about to start walking, the entrance opened. And there was Finian. But he wasn’t in his wheelchair like he usually was, instead using a pair of crutches to get around. She tried not to look too perplexed, figuring it was probably something personal. But he saw right through her.

“What, something on your mind?” He asked as he approached, taking a seat at the table and setting the crutches down beside him.

“No, it’s nothing.” Scarlett shook her head, sitting back down.

“It’s the crutches, isn’t it?” Fin asked, gesturing to the aforementioned objects. “I would’ve gone with the chair, but it’s just that this library isn’t wheelchair accessible. And I didn’t know that since I’ve never been here before, so my dad had to bring me back home to switch them out, which is also why I was so late.”

“But there’s a ramp outside, isn’t there?” Scarlett asked.

“Yeah, but that leads down to the kid’s section. To get up here from there, you have to go up the stairs. And there’s no elevator.” Fin explained. “I don’t usually go with my crutches, if I’m going to be out and about for a long time I’ll use the chair. At school, for example. I really only use these at home, and even there I rarely do.”

“That makes sense, yeah.” Scarlett nodded. “We could go somewhere else if you want, my house is usually pretty quiet.”

“No, no, it’s okay.” Fin held up his hand. “I’m already here, there’s no point in leaving now. Maybe we could figure something else out next time.”

“Okay, if you insist.” Scarlett twirled a lock of hair around her finger. “Anyway, back to the task at hand. What’s your grade in Social Studies?”

“I’ve got an 95, I think.” Fin told her. “Haven’t checked in a while.”

“How have you managed to keep your grades that high if you’re struggling as much as you say you are?” She asked, leaning forward and resting her arms on the table. “You probably don’t even need tutoring if you don’t want it. I’m starting to think this was all a trick just to spend a little extra time with me.”

“Would it be so bad if it was?” Fin smirked. “It’s not, though. I’ve actually been finding other, slightly more against-the-rules ways to keep my grades up.”

“Finian de Seel, do you cheat on your tests?” Scarlett didn’t know whether to be shocked or impressed. She’d only cheated a few times, and every time she’d gotten caught, so if he’d managed to exceed a passing grade just by cheating, that was crazy.

“You got me. For some reason, I never get caught, so I just keep doing it.” Fin shrugged. “But I do want to stop, which is why I asked you to teach me about all of this history shit.”

Scarlett blinked slowly. “How long have you been doing it?”

“Since freshman year, when my grades started falling flat.”

“And you retained at least some of that, right?”

“Absolutely none of it.” Fin said sarcastically. “I guess we’ll have to be here all night.”

“Oh, be quiet.” Scarlett laughed. She had to admit, as annoying as he tried to be, she really did enjoy spending time with Fin. “Anyway… should we go find some textbooks?”

February 2nd, Thursday #3

The next week, after a bit of discussion over the previous days, Fin and Scarlett came to an agreement that they should just try going to the de Karran-de Seel house for their tutoring session. They’d already checked out all of the books they needed from their previous trip to the library, and they could use online resources if they ended up needing anything else. Plus, as opposed to the idea as Fin was before, he knew he’d be the most comfortable at home.

That being said, he felt like the short 45 minutes between the moment he got home and when Scarlett was supposed to get there were the most stressful minutes of his entire life. He spent the majority of his time rallying his family into cleaning up the house a little bit. He didn’t give them much information, which might’ve been a mistake in hindsight, but at the time he didn’t really care.

When Scarlett did finally arrive, the first thing she noticed was how loud it was. She could hear all of the family’s conversation from outside. It was never that loud at home. She walked up to the door and knocked three times. A kid answered the door, maybe around 11 or 12 years old.

“Are you Fin’s friend?” The girl asked. She took Scarlett’s hand and pulled her inside before she had a chance to answer. “Fin! Your friend is here!”

As soon as she was inside, the next thing Scarlett noticed was that Fin’s house was seriously populated. She knew that he had a lot of family, but damn. They all turned to look at her when she walked in, but only for a moment before going back to their conversations. None of them seemed to be too eager to talk to her. And every one of them looked exactly like him, with his same white blond hair and big brown deer eyes. Some of them had freckles like he did, others didn’t. The only one who really stood out was the guy who she immediately identified as Dariel. The best way to describe him, in her mind, would be that he looked like a young Severus Snape. And that wasn’t a compliment. He looked up to shoot her a wink, then went back to whatever he was doing on his laptop.

“Oh, you must be Scarlett! Finian has told me so much about you.” A woman who she remembered to be Fin’s mom approached her, leading her further into the house. “He’s in his room, if he hasn’t come out by now then he probably has his headphones on so he can’t hear us.”

As they dodged around family members, Scarlett couldn’t help but wonder if it was like this every day. She had to assume it was, Fin had made it very clear how many family members lived in the same house. She probably wouldn’t be able to survive a whole day in this house, and she didn’t know how he did it. Eventually, they got to a door at the end of a hallway next to the kitchen. Fin’s mom knocked on the door a few times, but when there was still no response after a few moments, she cracked open the door.

The inside of the room looked like an entirely different world. For starters, it was nearly pitch dark. It took Scarlett’s eyes a second to adjust. Not even natural light was coming in, because the curtains were drawn over the only window. There was a light in the ceiling, too, but it wasn’t on. The fact that the walls were painted black didn’t help much with the darkness. Speaking of the walls, they were adorned with a variety of things. 

There were posters for multiple musicals, only a few of which she recognized as ones that had been put on by the school. A bulletin board was hung on the wall, but she could barely tell what it was beneath all of the sketches and blueprints for what she assumed were set designs. A short bookshelf stood along one side of the room. It was stocked with books, but also a bunch of other stuff. Some notable examples were a seemingly homemade robot, a stack of CDs that may or may not have been burned already, a pile of tangled up earbuds, and a small plastic bag full of zippers and loose buttons, among other things. 

The floor wasn’t carpeted, it was hardwood like the rest of the house. The bed was in the corner of the room, and it didn’t look like it had been made in at least a few days. It had two pillows on it, but only one was at the head of the bed and the other was at the foot of the bed. Two beaten up notebooks had been thrown onto it carelessly, one purple and the other yellow. Otherwise, though, the room was pretty clean.

Fin himself was sitting at a desk that was opposite the bed. He had a pair of bulky wireless headphones on, and his face was illuminated by the bright light of the computer he was using. He was typing something up, maybe a screenplay. The music playing through his headphones was way too loud, and she could tell because he was singing along pretty loudly too. She had to stifle a laugh, but not because he sounded bad or anything. He actually had quite an impressive voice. It was just that he must not have known exactly how loud he was being.

Fin’s mother entered the room and gently put her hand on his arm. Despite how careful she was being, he still flinched and the room dropped to silence immediately. He looked up at his mom, slid his headphones off and hung them around his neck. “Uh, hey. What’s up?”

“Sorry I startled you, I thought I should let you know that your friend is here.” She stepped aside to reveal Scarlett, who was still standing in the doorway. She offered a small wave.

Fin’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh. Okay.” He hoped that she couldn’t see the redness rising in his face. She could.

“Alright then, I’ll leave you to it! Just let me know if you need anything.” His mom made her way towards the door, flicking the light switch on her way out. “You have to turn a light on in here sometimes, Finian. Someone’s going to trip on something one day.”

“So… not a fan of lights, huh?” Scarlett moved the notebooks aside and sat down on the bed. With the ceiling light on, she could see everything much better. “What song was that? You sounded really good.”

“You- you think so?” Fin stammered, turning his chair around to face her. His eyes were wide, his mouth hanging slightly open. For a second, he forgot he’d even been asked a question. “Oh, right, the song! It was What I Know Now. From the Beetlejuice musical. It takes some pretty powerful female vocals, but I can usually manage.”

“Well I think you killed it. I know you said that you’re on the tech crew, but have you ever considered actually auditioning for the play?”

“Nah, I’d probably just pass out immediately if I went to an audition. Let’s just say I haven’t taken to performing in front of people yet.” Fin was quick to change the topic. Because the truth was, as much as he did want to perform for an audience, he knew that he would be way too nervous to actually go through with it. He’d rather just go at his own pace. He gestured to the bookshelf, which was holding the textbooks they’d picked up the previous week. “I’ve been skimming through one of those books. It hasn’t been the most fun in the world, but y'know. Anything for the pursuit of knowledge.”

“Which one was it?” Scarlett asked, shifting to look at the books he was pointing at.

Fin left his spot at the desk and went over to the bookshelf. He couldn’t remember the name of the book, so he just picked up the one he was talking about and handed it to her. “This one. I read chapters 22 and 23, like you said to. And I did the questions. They’re in the purple notebook, right there.”

Apparently the notebooks weren’t as thoroughly used as she’d first suspected, because when she opened the purple one, only one page had been used. Both the front and back of it had been used to answer the 16 questions, 8 for each chapter. Aside from that, there were about a thousand doodles in the margins and along the top of the page, including little stick figure drawings of their entire friend group. She couldn’t help but smile at that. She took a second to read his answers.

“These are all right!” Scarlett closed the notebook and placed it back down next to her. “Great job.”

“And get this: I didn’t look up any of the answers.” Fin smiled wider than Scarlett had ever seen. Like, straight-up grinned. Not the usual cocky, teasing smirk. Not any sarcasm. Seeing him so happy, it made Scarlett feel… well, she didn’t quite know what the feeling was. But it was definitely a good one.

“That’s great, Fin!” She reached out and put her hand on his arm. “You’re doing a really good job with this, even just over one week.”

“Thanks. I’ve been feeling a lot better about my grades, like I can actually earn them.” Fin leaned forward to pick up the textbook, then turned around, went back to his desk and put it down there. “My future is bright, Scar!”

“Speaking of grades, what about your test? Are you feeling better about that?”

“Oh, yeah, for sure.” He turned back towards her. “I only read chapters 22 and 23, so we’ve still got the next two to go. Which is perfect! Because the test is on Monday two weeks from now, so we’ll have one more Thursday to go, which gives me time to finish both chapters.”

“Then I’m assuming you want today to be a review day?” She asked, clapping her hands once.

“Ugh, please and thank you. You’re the best teacher ever.” Fin laughed.

Scarlett stood up and grabbed another book from the bookshelf. “We’d better get started then.”

February 9th, Thursday #4

Fin quickly came to the conclusion that having a tutoring session at his house wasn’t bad the first time, but he’d rather not do it again. After Scarlett had left, his family asked him endless questions about her. Including Dariel, who asked if she was single, to which Fin had to begrudgingly reply that she was. In conclusion, he didn’t want to do that again.

In the end, they settled on the last location being Scarlett’s house. It was poetic, in a way, that they were studying to avoid cheating in the house where the principal lived. Which made Fin nervous, for good reason. Despite not wanting to continue cheating, he’d already done it many times, so he could still get in trouble for it.

Extremely luckily, the day was uneventful. Productive, definitely, but nothing particularly interesting happened. That day felt much more structured than the two previous weeks. When Fin had arrived, Scarlett had already set up a study station in the living room. Because everything they needed was already laid out, they got to work right away, and the hour that they had flew by.

February 21st, Tuesday

Fin caught up with Scarlett between third and fourth periods. He’d just gotten his test back, graded. And he had to tell her immediately. He pulled her aside, hoping that people would know not to bump into them.

“Scarlett. You aren’t going to believe this.” He grabbed his backpack, took a folder out of it, and flipped through the papers inside to find the test packet. He held it out for her to see. “83 percent! That’s, like, a B! It’s not much considering what I used to get when I cheated, but-”

“Fin, this is awesome! Even better than all that other stuff.” Scarlett assured him. “And you want to know why? Because this time, you did it yourself.”

Fin’s eyebrows drew together in thought, then a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “You’re right. This one’s going on my wall, I think.” He decided, turning the paper around to take a look at it himself.

“It should. I’m really proud of you, Fin.” Scarlett leaned down and kissed him on the cheek.

His face reddened and he did that oh-so-endearing broken engine sputter. “I- uh, yeah. Well, y'know, the real reason I asked you to help me with this is because you’re one of the smartest people I know.” He wasn’t even worried about keeping his cool anymore. He’d completely lost whatever train of thought he might’ve had. 

Now it was Scarlett’s turn to be surprised. “Really?” She tried her best to not let him know how big of a deal it was that he’d said that to her. She’d been called a lot of things. Some of them good, others not so much. But no one had ever thought to call her smart. It felt great. Because truth be told, as much as she struggled in some classes, she considered herself really good at some others. It was truly something else to finally have someone appreciate that.

“I mean, yeah.” Fin was starting to come to his senses, but he couldn’t take back what he said. And he wouldn’t want to anyway. “You’re really good at a bunch of crap that I suck at, which is awesome.”

“Thank you, Fin. I really, really appreciate it.” She reached out and ruffled his hair. Then the warning bell rang. “We should probably get to class, shouldn’t we.”

“Definitely. Wouldn’t want to end up in Adams’s office after we put in all this work to not do that.” Fin agreed.

They, somewhat reluctantly, went their separate ways. They couldn’t just skip their next classes, as much as they might want to. They’d get to talk again later. The best part was, though, that they left down the hallway both feeling just a little bit more confident in themselves. And neither of them would be willing to confirm that they thought about each other for the rest of the day. But they wouldn’t deny it either.

Taglist: @taco-taco-belle @ceceism @confusionnoises @bubblegumstardust @incorrectauroracyclequotes (Ask to be on the taglist!)

[benedictshurley]

Positive : Part 13

So, it’s been almost two years since I updated this story and I finally have another part for everyone! I’ll link the masterlist in case you guys want to reread! I don’t know if i’ll continue past this part for awhile, I might release a summary of how I planned it to end when I first came up with this concept. Masterlist here

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Pairing: Rob Benedict x Reader  

Word Count: 2,188

Warnings: non explicit smut, fluff, angst, time jump 

Disclaimer: this is pure FICTION. I mean no harm or hurt to the Benedict family, or others involved. Marnie is Rob’s fictional wife from Kings of Con. I originally used Mollie (his real wife) but ultimately decided to change it as it made me uncomfortable writing about her and his kids.

(Gif Below is mine.)

Previously on Positive

“Yes Rob. I am completely and utterly in love with you. I’ve been trying to hide it but I can’t anymore. And I just hope that deep down, you still love me too.” Your voice matched your face. Hopeful. “Please say you still love me and I’m not too late.”

Rob was still silent. It took him a moment before he opened his mouth. “I.”

Taking his silence as a no, you flushed red and tried to head toward the door. “This was stupid i should’ve known i was too late-”

You were stopped by Rob grabbing your wrist.

“Yes. God yes. I still love you.” Rob gripped your face in his hands before pressing his lips against yours.

Moving in sync, the two of you kissed passionately, your fingers tangling in rob’s hair. 

“I love you so much. Fuck.” You spoke against his lips. 

The kiss was messy and teeth bumped each other but you didn’t care. All you wanted was Rob.

Rob pulled away for a moment. “Fuck wait, As much as I want to do this..you’re with Stephen. I can’t do this to him.”

You cupped Rob’s face. “We broke up. He tried making me choose between you and him..and I chose you.”

Rob’s grin returned as he kissed you once more, his fingers gripping the back of your shirt.

“Clothes..off.” You mumbled, fumbling with his t-shirt. 

Rob complied and helped you with his shirt, before he moved to yours and lifted it over your head before connecting your lips with his own once more. 

As the minutes passed, the clothes piled up on the floor and you two made it to the bed. Rob’s hands went up and down your body, a moan leaving your lips. 

“Rob..I love you so much.” You cupped his cheek.

“I love you too.” Rob kissed your neck as he spread your legs, and sheathed himself inside of you.

The next hour was filled with breathy moans and skin slapping against skin, and your nails dragging down Rob’s back, marking him up.

“You look so beautiful pregnant. That's our baby.” Rob breathed out, kissing your neck softly

“Ours. No one else's. Fuck right there.” You moaned, arching your back off the bed. 

Soon, you and Rob reached your climax, nearly simultaneously. As he pulled out of you, you relaxed into the bed, breathing heavily.

“That’s even better, completely sober.”  You laughed quietly.

Rob chuckled as well, laying next to you and covering your lower halves with the sheet. 

“I agree.” He smiled and turned to face you, pushing some hair away from your face. 

The next morning, you awoke in Rob’s arms, a smile on your face. As he slept, you got up and cleaned up in the bathroom, finding robs discarded t shirt and your underwear to feel less exposed. You climbed on his lap, and kissed his face softly to wake him up. 

As he stirred, you grinned and ran your fingers through his hair. “Morning sleepyhead.”

He put his hands on your hips and blinked awake. “Morning to you too. Nice shirt.” He chuckled.

“Thanks, I think I pull it off.” You laughed, kissing him softly.

He kissed back for a moment before sitting up with you in his lap. “Good to know last night wasn’t a dream.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and played with the hairs at the nape of it. “It definitely wasn’t.”

Rob’s hands moved from your hips to your stomach, rubbing over the bump slowly. “I love you both so much.”

“We love you too.” You kissed him again, and he kissed back, turning you over so you were on your back and he was on top of you.

Both of you were too engrossed in each other to heard Rob’s door open. Only when you heard Rich shout “Woah Bobbo!” did Rob remove his hand from your breast and quickly cover you with his body. 

“Rich learn to knock!” Rob groaned, covering your lower half with the sheet. 

“Sorry didn’t know you had company..especially not Y/N. Glad to see you two made up.” Richard set Rob’s coffee on the small desk in the room. “I’ll see you two downstairs for checkout.” 

As soon as he left, you burst into giggles. “Well..guess I should go pack and get ready for the flight.” 

Two Months Later, January 2019, 32 Weeks

After that night in Minnesota, you and Rob became official. You spent Christmas together, and you even got to meet Rob’s son Tyler and thankfully, he liked you. Marnie and Rob were moving through with divorce proceedings and switched off each week on Tyler. Now you were currently in Missouri, meeting Rob’s close family for the first time. That includes his mom, two sisters, and Matt. At least you’ve met Matt before. You were nervous and it showed on your face as you two pulled into Rob’s family home. You had opted to drive as you were over the recommended stage of flying for your pregnancy.

“Babe, you need to relax. They’re not gonna skin you alive or something.” Rob put his hand on your thigh, squeezing it lovingly. 

“I’m just nervous. What if your mom hates me? I broke up your marriage and we’re having a baby out of wedlock and I know how people can be about that even in 2019 but-” You began to ramble 

Rob put his free hand over your mouth and sighed. “Y/N you’re rambling. They’re going to love you. And our daughter. They weren’t the biggest fans of Marnie anyways. Okay?”

You relaxed a little and nodded as you both got out of the car, Rob forbidding you from carrying any of your bags or presents into the house. 

“Robert, I'm pregnant, not invalid.” You crossed your arms. 

“You only have 8 weeks left until your due date. Not risking you going into early labor in Missouri.” Rob hauled your things up to the door and opened it without knocking. “The R Benedicts have arrived!”

You blushed when he included you in the Benedicts. You guess it made sense, considering you were carrying a Benedict. Matt soon came to help Rob and gave you a quick hug and you were whisked away by the Benedict girls to go in the kitchen with their mother. 

Almost immediately they sat you down at the table while Vivian was washing dishes. 

“So..” Amy asked, curiously. “How are you feeling? 8 weeks left? Any cold feet? Wanting to ditch my brother and have the baby in Uruguay?”

You opened your mouth to reply but Nancy cut in. “No other secret baby daddies?”

Slightly offended, you cleared your throat. “I’m feeling fine, no I’m not going to ditch your brother and have the baby in Uruguay, and no I’m not cheating on Rob either.” You said with a fake smile. 

“Oh girls leave her alone!” Vivian turned off the sink. “If Robbie likes her then we should too. And she's carrying your niece. My granddaughter.” 

They groaned but apologized, and soon went off to tend to their own children in the backyard. Vivian sat down next to you and grabbed your hand.

“Are you feeling okay dear? Any signs of labor? How was the drive?”  She asked, genuinely caring.

“I’m feeling good, only Braxton hicks contractions so far. The drive...was okay. Would’ve been here a few hours ago but my legs kept cramping and I kept having to pee. I think I annoyed Rob a bit though.” You chuckled nervously. “Oh! We have ultrasounds for you.” you grabbed your bag and dug them out. “She looks like her father.”

Vivian looked at them with admiration. “Oh she does. Robbie had that same nose when he was born.” 

Rob came up behind you and rubbed your shoulders. “See I told you. She looks like me.” 

You rolled your eyes. “I know she does. Carry her for almost 10 months of my life and she’s gonna look like him.”

Later that night, you were exchanging Christmas gifts with his family. You got plenty for the baby, and Rob got a decent amount for himself, and they gave him Tyler’s presents because it was Marnie's week and she wouldn’t budge. Vivian even got you a beautiful maternity sweater. 

It was about 7 P.M when you heard the doorbell, as you were cleaning up from dessert with Amy and Matt. You shrugged it off and continued cleaning until you heard Rob ask someone what they were doing here. 

You wiped your hands and went out toward Rob before freezing in your steps. Marnie was here, Tyler already being inside and with his grandma. 

“Marnie why are you here? You weren’t invited.” Rob spat, looking back at you with apologetic eyes.

“I’m always invited to the Benedict January Christmas!  Plus I have wonderful news!” She forced her way inside and a majority of the Benedicts glared at her. 

You crossed your arms. “Marnie you aren’t a benedict anymore.”

Marnie looked over at you and sneered. “Neither are you, homewrecker.”

Rob quickly got in the middle, protecting you behind him. “Okay that’s enough. Tyler can stay but you need to leave Marnie. I don’t know what you’re trying to pull but it's not going to work.” 

“But Rob, we can’t get divorced now. I came to tell you that.” Marnie had a grin on her face, it was a bit too wide for your liking. 

Rob was confused. “Why not? I haven’t heard anything from my lawyer.”

You were starting to get nervous now, and you felt a little dizzy. 

“They can’t divorce us, because I’m 10 weeks pregnant! And it’s a Benedict.” Marnie smiled and pulled her coat open, showing a little bump.

You don’t remember what happened after, because you fainted, your heart pounding in your ears. 

When you woke up, you were on Rob’s childhood bed with a warm cloth on your head and Rob pacing the room. When he noticed you were awake, he quickly sat next to you.

“Are you okay? Do you feel okay? We checked the doppler while you were passed out, the heartbeat is still strong so everything’s fine with her but-” Rob rambled.

“Rob stop..I’m fine. Just, how can that baby be yours? You guys split up before you could’ve possibly conceived that baby.” Your head was pounding as your once perfect world was crumbling beneath your feet. 

Rob put his head in his hands. “A few days after the album release, I went to get my things, and she was there..I was so mad and she kept coming onto me..I regretted it immediately after it happened.”

You felt bile begin to rise in your throat. “Have you seen her since then?”

“No! Baby no of course not. I have not and will not cheat on you. Do you understand me?” Rob cupped your face but you slowly pulled them off.

“Rob, you shouldn’t have kept that from me. When we started this relationship we agreed to be open and honest with each other because of our past. This isn’t being open and honest!” You raised your voice a little.

“It was before we got together! I didn’t think it mattered!” He yelled back.

“Well it does! She’s pregnant with your baby! I don’t know how to handle this!” You stood when rob did.

“It was a MISTAKE. I thought she was still on birth control!” Rob yelled.

“Every time we’re happy it gets fucked up because of her! I can’t deal with this! Not so close to my due date!” you paced back and forth.

“You can’t just blame her! It takes two to tango. You of all people should know that.” Rob shouted.

“What the hell does that mean?!” You screamed back

“Because the same thing happened to us! I just didn’t think i’d be stupid enough to make the same mistake twice!” Rob spat.

You whimpered softly. “So she’s a mistake now?” 

Robs eyes softened as he saw the tears in your eyes. “Baby no I didn’t-”

“I’m a mistake too? You promised me I wasn’t! You told me you didn’t regret it!” You began to shove your phone and keys into your purse and pulled your coat on. 

“Y/N why are you getting that stuff on? I promise you I didn’t regret it! Baby” Rob tried to stop you from leaving the room but you pushed past him and went down the stairs where Marnie was sitting on the couch with a smug smile on her lips.

You opened the front door and slammed it behind you, grabbing the keys from your bag and getting in the car. 

Rob tried to get in, begging you not to leave. You hadn’t been to Missouri before. He didn’t want you getting lost. 

“Go away! I-i need a break!” You wiped your tears away quickly and drove out of his driveway, leaving Rob, who was a mess of tears, behind.

You didn’t know where you were going to go, but you needed to get away from him. Away from it all.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for reading!

Positive Taglist:  @natasha-cole @itsfunnierin-enochian @kocswain @missihart23 @wontlookaway @shanghai88 @rblstrash @burningrupture @sherlockedtash88 @bloodstained-porcelain-doll @tas898 @lullabylike @lexiemiller97

[roseyserpents]

Hostage

Summary: you're taken by the Ghoulies while walking home one night and it's up to the Serpents to get you back.

Warnings: kidnapping, violence, near drowning

Word count: 1,876

A/N: I haven't posted in a while so have something I haven't edited (this is rly bad sry not sry)

Posted: January 14, 2020 1:27 P.M. CT

"What are you doing all by yourself so late?" A voice asks from behind you, a chill running down your spine as you turn around. You see a man you'd seen many pictures of and heard many stores about, Malachi the leader of the Ghoulies.

"Ah, you're a Serpent." He grins, referring to the tattoo below your collarbone. "Are you the princess I've been hearing everyone talk about?"

You stay quiet and put on a face of stone. A Serpent never shows cowardice, You think, cursing yourself for leaving your knife at home. Malachi scans your figure and expression, looking for a chink in your armour.

"Well as you know it's not very safe to walk around the South alone, so I guess we'll be your company."

"What--?" You say right before someone behind you holds a rag against your mouth, your hands and feet viciously attacking the person holding you but the chemical in the rag was slowly taking away your strength until your eyes roll back in your head.

-

Toni checks the time on her phone after being woken up by someone knocking on her door, groaning when they don't stop. She stands up and trudges down the hall, opening the door and being met with Jughead.

"Uh hey Jughead? What're you doing here so early?" She asks.

"Is Y/n here?" He questions, peering slightly over her shoulder to look for himself.

"No, last I saw her was school Thursday. She probably stayed over at someone else's house."

Jughead nods before saying a quick goodbye and moving on. His fear got worse and worse after each person told him you weren't with them. He assured everyone he talked to everything was fine even when he knew it definitely wasn't, especially when he crossed off the last name on his mental list with Cheryl.

"Hey Sweet Pea can I talk to you?" Jughead asks, Sweet Pea finishing a conversation before walking towards him in a quiet corner of the Wyrm. At that point you'd been gone about three days and concern was growing in Jughead's head. "Y/n hasn't been home. I don't know where she is."

Sweet Pea stiffens at Jughead's words, worry displayed in his eyes though he tried to hide it. "Where do you think she is?"

"I don't know, but it must have something to do with the Ghoulies." He replies, referring to the increasing tension between the two gangs.

"We need to tell the others." Sweet Pea says glancing at Toni and Fangs playing pool.

"No, if we do it'll just make things worse. Only me, my dad, and you know."

"Well then we need to schedule a meeting with Penny."

-

Sweet Pea, Jughead, and FP sit gathered in the Jones trailer as FP sets down a phone in the middle of the table, the three Serpents waiting anxiously for someone to pick up.

"Took you long enough to call." Penny's voice says after she answers the phone.

"I'm not playing any games Penny." FP hisses. "Where's Y/n?"

"Don't worry your precious little daughter is safe. Or atleast for now."

"I swear to God if you lay a hand on her-"

"If you want your princess back," she cuts him off, "Meet me at the East side of sweet water."

"How do I know you have her?" FP asks, tapping his finger on the table and leaning on it.

"Here." There's rustling on the other end before you speak into the phone in a weak voice, "Dad?"

"Y/n, we're coming okay?"

"Hurry they're not-" you're cut off by the sound of skin on skin, a small whimper following it.

"Don't touch her!" Sweet Pea yells, slamming his fist down on the table.

"East side of Sweetwater. Friday eleven sharp." Penny says before hanging up, leaving the Serpents on the other end frustrated and scared for your life.

FP had announced to the rest of the Serpents the Ghoulies had kidnapped you that night, anger rising amongst the members. Everyone in the Whyte Wyrm that night prepared for a war against the Ghoulies the tensions preparing to snap.

-

Friday approached slowly for you. The two days after the call the Ghoulies had treated you worse than before, more bruises and cuts littering your body including a large gash on your upper side where your Serpent tattoo used to be. You'd lost a few pounds due to lack of food and heavy bags sat above shallow cheeks on your face, dry blood trails caking your face. A bag had been thrown over your head before you were thrown into a van, a bumpy fifty minute ride follows before you're thrown out, the bag being ripped off your head. You're kneeled down in front of Penny Peabody, someone tying your hands together with thick rope.

"The snakes are really desperate to get their princess back." She smirks, tapping the end of a knife in her hand. She nods to the person behind you who hoists you to your feet, you nearly collapse due to being so weak. "Not much left though."

She grabs your arm and harshly pulls you to the side, bruises forming under her fingertips as she wraps her other arm around your shoulders. The knife in her hand lies on your collarbone, the cold blade chilling your skin.

Hope blooms in your chest as you see multiple motorcycles pull up to the bank, Serpents jumping off of them and approaching the scene. The first people you see are your dad, your brother, Sweet Pea, Fangs, and Toni, and you never thought you could be more relieved to see them. All of their gazes are set on you and Penny, her knife now held against your throat.

"Let her go." FP growls, stepping closer causing Penny to step backwards and closer to the harsh current of the river the cliff you stood on overlooked.

"If you get any closer in cutting her open and dumping her into the river like Jason Blossom." She says, you closing your eyes and swallowing the tears building up in your throat.

"What do you want, Penny?" Jughead asks, your eyes opening again to watch the fight to see which side would get you.

"I want more power." She answers. "The Ghoulies have lived in your shadow for far too long. I want more of our territory back."

"Fine. Take your territory and give us Y/n." FP says, gesturing to you.

"I'll take that but you won't take her." Penny says. Everything seems to happen in slow motion. She pulls the knife away from your throat, a small trail of crimson blood dripping down your neck where it was. She pushes you backwards, sending you right into the black waves of Sweetwater. The part of the river you all gathered by was one of the strongest, the current easily pulling you under more than you could stay above due to your strength being deplenished. You thrash around, taking breaths as much as you though you started breathing in water more than air the longer you are in the river. Your clothes weighed you down, trying to drag you to the depths of the water. You hear people call your name but you can't respond, only focus on trying not to drown. You see a log reaching into the water from shore, your arms wrapping around one of the brittle branches as if your life depended on it - which it practically did. You desperately look around for someone, finally seeing Sweet Pea, Fangs, and Toni run towards the tree. The look frantic as they try to find a way to reach out to you without breaking the branch you clinged to. Eventually Sweet Pea inches as close as he could, lying down on the dirt with one of his hands reached out towards you. You try to grab it but almost get swept back into the current forcing you to wrap your arm back around the log and your eyes to squeeze shut.

"Y/n, you need to grab my hand." Sweet Pea yells over the sound of the rushing water.

"I'm gonna fall." You say, almost to quiet for him to hear.

"I won't let you. You just need to trust me." He tries to reason, the sound of wood cracking ringing through the air. Reluctantly you reach out again, this time your shaky hand getting hold of his firm one. "I've got you." He says, pulling you out of the water and onto shore. Once you are on land, you throw your arms around him and shake with an exhausted sob, burying your face in the crook of his neck. His arms snake around you, holding you firmly against him after pulling you both further away from the water.

"Come on." He says quietly, scooping you up in his arms and carrying you back to where the Serpents had chased away the Ghoulies. He sets you down, FP and Jughead running up and pulling you into a tight hug, a weak smile spreading on your face.

"Thank you." You whisper before pulling away. "Can I um spend the night at Peas?" Your dad looks from your disheveled appearance to Sweet Pea standing a few feet back before sighing.

"Don't take your eye of her, boy." He says, pointing a finger at the boy next to you. Sweet Pea nods, wrapping an arm around you and leading you to his bike.

It's a short ride back to the trailer park, Sweet Pea giving you some of his clothes to wear. The two of you sat on his couch for about an hour while he patched up the cuts and bruises and other marks left on your body from the Ghoulies, his hands gently working with each one until he's done. After he puts away the first aid kit he leads you by your hand to his room, both of you lying down facing each other. You could hear a party being thrown outside most likely for the victory over the Ghoulies, but neither of you bothered to look or go out.

"I thought about you a lot." You whisper, looking up at Sweet Pea. "It's like the only thing that kept me going, that I knew I'd be back here."

Sweet Peas arms tighten around you and pull you closer into his chest, his chin resting on the top of your head after he presses a kiss to your hair. Your legs tangle with his, your eyes shutting in peace.

"I'm sorry." He says, his voice quiet. "I should've walked with you instead of making you walk alone."

"It's not your fault." You say, pulling away slightly to look at him. "I'm the daughter of the King of Serpents and the girlfriend of a higher up, I'm a target. Something like this was bound to happen."

"How did I get so lucky as to end up with the strongest girl I know?" He asks, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Same way I got so lucky as to end up with the absolute perfect boy." You smile, leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, warmth spreading through you.

"I love you." Sweet Pea hums against your lips.

"I love you."

[theinnerhalf]

2019 in Review: Highlights

Making a venture back into writing again with this “year in review”. I guess I’m slightly less damaged than I was last year and have finally built the courage to write about how this year was for me, even some dark times included. Thank you 2019, for not much, but I guess thank you. A “fuck you” would be more appropriate but regardless, I’m grateful. Let’s do this. 

January 2019

An extremely slow start to the new year, as it usually is when it comes to me. My January’s tend to be bleak, gray, and cold especially considering the coming down from a constant holiday high. I spent this first month with friends I could call my family, regularly going out as much as we could while the two military guys (EJ and James) are here for the time being. In this month as well, I got to finally meet up with my ex who I can now proudly call a friend. Diana and I were able to catch up extensively to make up for all the lost time, talking about things like how we’ve been, the changes, the constants, and occasionally reminiscing. I know I’ve felt at peace before already, for having her back into my life rather than staying a bittersweet memory, but getting to catch up like this was a whole other type of joy I didn’t know I needed. As for the picture of the pants, I finally made the decision to buy a pair of jeans that I wanted soooo so bad from one of my favorite designers. 

February

Goodness...Where do I even start for this month?...Like January, February for me is usually bleak. Regardless it being a month for “love”, it sucked. Maybe the worst for me in the year. The start of this month wasn’t all too bad though! There was a fashion show that Celine was walking/modeling for held at Rice University in order to celebrate Asian cultures and Chinese New Year. The show overall was alright...I guess it was just nice to be out supporting Celine and whatnot. I thought this month would at least provide a break for me, but just five days later, my grandma was sent to the ICU after suffering from a stroke...It happened so suddenly...Celine and I were at an outing when the two of us came back to my place and ran into my dad who was leaving in a hurry. He had a lost look on his face, as well as panicky and shifty eyes. He broke the news to us and had the sinking feeling in me hit so fast. The next thing I know, we’re at the hospital waiting room, anxiously waiting to be briefed with (hopefully) good news. I remember disassociating when the doctor had finally came to us, thinking that this really couldn’t be happening...not to us...not to my dad. I remember thinking that this isn’t fair...We literally had just gotten her into our lives’ and now we’re losing her. 

We spent the following week trading stays at the hospital between my siblings and cousins. I can’t remember the proper psychology term for the feeling of false hope and security for an event that seems to be too horrible to be true, but that was what I had felt for the entire time. There’s no way that my family could lose our grandma like this...and not this soon. Just a day before my grandma’s stroke happened, she was asking when my younger sister and I were going to get married. The two of us looked at each other like, “What the fuuuu--? Where is this coming from?” My grandma explained shortly after that she felt as if she didn’t have much longer for her time here with us, and that she wanted to have the honor to make the dresses and suits for Lacel’s or my wedding. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t stop thinking about how cruel and merciless the world could be, but also at the same time, that I should’ve known better and that I should be used to this...I should be but I would rather not. I think it was after a week and a half where I found that my grandma would be transferred to a hospice. My family had told me this and I was under the impression that hospices were for people who had recovered enough that they don’t need to be in a hospital but still needed professional caretakers. I told this to Andrew and Quin and they both shared painful and shocked expressions with each other. I asked why they were looking at each other like that and then they broke it to me that hospices were for people who didn’t have much time left. I remember crying in front of them that day during work.

Virginia Barreda passed away, February 19, 2019. My family grieved separately and in different ways. I slept off the entire day...The picture of the room was how my grandma left the room right before she was taken to the hospital and was left untouched for the entire duration of the situation. I embarrassingly and shamefully made a gofundme to help raise money so that my family and I could attend her final farewell back home in the Philippines. I thought it wouldn’t get anywhere...but my heart...I was so surprised to see the amount of love and support that friends and even strangers had decided to put out, and I was touched beyond anything I had ever expected. A big thank you to those who donated and have come across this post by any way. You have my sincerest gratitude and even with that, I cannot thank you enough. 

To end the note on a positive note at least, Celine and I hit one year at the end of this month. Amazing. 

March

My family and I were in such a weird head space entering this month. There was a lot of recovering to be made and coming out of the state of denial from my grandma’s passing. It was like a new chapter of our lives abruptly opened itself onto us and we all did not know how to proceed. My dad was stressing out over medical expenses and how we were going to afford to bring the entire family to Philippines for my grandma’s final resting place. I did my best to keep the gofundme a secret from him, because knowing my dad, he would not accept the money under any condition. He only came to find out about it because some of his friends and relatives came across it, donated, and then told him about how sentimental and touching my gofundme passage was. He just asked why, and I regrettably said that it was because we were struggling out here and all I wanted to do was help. After some convincing with the help of my two sister’s, my dad accepted the help and agreed that we can now at least afford to take my dad for the initial ceremony while the rest of us would follow-up, hopefully in the summer or late 2019. 

The first picture in this month’s set is of the Pieta in Italy, taken by Lacel. Lacel was on a two week school trip, while in the second picture is the view my dad had while his two week stay in the Philippines. Both my older sister and I stayed at home while envying our dad’s and Lacel’s experiences. Their trips only served as motivation for me to save up a lot more for Japan and I really wanted to make that happen no matter what. Even if it meant me going alone, I was ready to accept it. 

The following pictures of Lacel are when they came back from Italy and celebrated their two years of being clean/no relapses. I know I rarely ever let it be known, but I really do care and love my younger sister a lot, and to see them make it this far in the span of two years meant so much to me. I’m glad that my family was able to celebrate that milestone in Lacel’s life because it was definitely quite the journey. The last photo is of my car’s fourth brake light functioning again with Travis’ help and was fixed just in time for the long drive to Marfa. 

April

Really, the only one significant highlight for this month, which I am incredibly excited to share, was the moderately spontaneous trip I took out to Marfa, Texas with Yentl. I do have to say, the two of us were quite ambitious for taking on this trip by leaving Houston around 12am shortly, after grabbing oh my gogi and some boba. With the help of a trenta iced coffee, I was able to knock out 6 hours of the 8 hour drive. While the drive was a lot of fun, I started getting really sleepy around the 4 hour mark but it started raining extremely hard after we had passed San Antonio. I was so reluctant to switch over to Yentl driving because I had been losing traction every now and then. It was only until the sun rose that we finally had passed the rain. I shortly knocked out after the switch.

I woke up to Yentl ecstatically saying, “We’re heeeeere!” I opened my eyes and was immediately blinded, forgetting that daytime was a thing. But from the short time my eyes were open, I saw a railroad and buildings styled from days of the past. I fought to keep my eyes open only to tell myself, maybe five more minutes. As soon as we parked, Yentl and I took the opportunity to walk around.The weather was pleasant, not too hot and not too cold either. The humidity that seems to be a pestering presence in Houston was nowhere to be found in Marfa, so the daytime stroll was bliss. The two of us checked out Marfa’s welcome sign, the city hall (only from the outside because it was closed), a couple of local shops and art galleries, and the hotel Paisano, a hotel best known for having a movie shot in it. 

All the walking had made us hungry...That and the only thing inside of us were boba and caffeine. Yentl and I checked out a place called Aster’s that was primarily a breakfast joint recommended to us by a person working at the welcome center. We both got an egg’s benedict. Me with a lemonade, and her an iced coffee. After eating, we proceeded to go to our Airbnb located 30 minutes away at another small town called Alpine. The Airbnb’s neighborhood was located in some rural area with cliffs surrounding it all. The Airbnb itself was a small and cute place that was divided into just three small parts: the bedroom, living room, and a bathroom. Yentl and I freshened up, put on the new fits, and made our way back to Marfa.

Headed back, we decided that we would first go see the outlandish Prada store located in the middle of the desert. The Prada store itself is a permanent art installation by artists Elmgreen and Dragset, built with the concept of using biodegradable materials so that the art installation could eventually return and be reclaimed back to Earth as all things eventually do. The drive to Prada, Marfa was an unexpectedly longer drive than I thought. It was a non-stop view of your textbook Western landscape...Desolate, scattered with ordinary desert shrubbery, and one thing to set it apart, a lonely, silver blimp just casually floating at the wind’s mercy. 

When we finally arrived, it looked surreal to say the least. The building was so unexpectedly placed, yet at the same time, it wasn’t intrusive to the desert landscape. There were less people there than I had thought, which made it easier for Yentl and I to take the photos we wanted. What a pleasant oddity it was, I thought, to even drive eight hours just to see this left me with a sense of fulfillment knowing that this had been on my personal bucket list for quite some time.

The two of us made our way back to the city to kill some more time before it was time to see the mystery Marfa lights. We checked out a bookstore placed in the lobby of a hotel, wandered around the from one edge of the town to the other, checked out some more art galleries, and ate dinner at a local BBQ place. The sun was on the verge of setting so we headed to the viewing area that was located right beside the highway. We got there conveniently early and was able to secure a good parking spot as there was not even a designated parking lot. Yentl and I situated ourselves onto a bench with a clear view of the field. We both sat there in amazement of the sunset…layers on layers of colors dancing in the sky, almost a love letter to us from the sun itself, as it sank over the horizon, tucking itself in to say goodnight. The two of us couldn’t wrap our heads around the fact that we actually did this, an 8-hour drive to see some art and an unexplained natural phenomenon that happens in the desert at night. We really did this.  

The sky turned from its calm lilac tones to an enveloping darkness and what followed were gasps of oooooh’s and aaaaah’s. It was finally happening. We peered over the horizon, somewhat confused, and there it was. Beside a constant blinking red light, appeared the mystery lights, bobbing up and down inconsistently, disappearing and reappearing on a whims notice. Yentl and I watched in awe and pondered about the mysteries of life like, does the supernatural exist, are there aliens out there, and what does it truly mean to love? Apart from the mystery lights themselves, the stars overhead was truly a sight to take in. The indescribable feeling of being small while looking up at the stars happens to be a favorite sensation of mine, but only this time, I was overwhelmed by it. I found a completely empty bench to lay down on just to look up. It must have been the most relaxed I have been since forever and I never wanted the feeling to end…But as all good things do, it did. Yentl and I made our way back to our Airbnb after catching what seemed to be a UFO flying above us. Marfa truly was surreal.  

The two of us rested for the night, packed our stuff the next day, and made our way on the long journey back home.

May

The start of this month initially started incredibly slow. Not much has been done aside from learning how to shoot better on film which I spent a lot of my time on. I would keep pestering my friends to let me use them as models and surprisingly, they agreed! The first three photos are just a few of the pictures taken. This was also the month that the restaurant I work at, Noon (previously known as Verts, also previously known as Vertskebap), had undergone the change to being Daphne’s Greek Mediterranean. The change allowed us to finally get tips trough credit cards and no longer just cash tips. This allowed me to leave my shifts with a lot more money in hand.

It occurred to me…with this I could finally make my Japan trip a reality…In the span of just a week, I was able to raise 100 dollars in just tips alone (I know this doesn’t sound like a lot, but this is a big difference coming from leaving work with no more than 50 cents to 5 dollars on a busy day). I decided that the tip money would be strictly set aside for Japan and Japan only. I thought at the rate it was going, a 100 dollars per week would be sufficient for a trip set out in October/November. The rough estimate was at least around 2000 dollars if I decided I would really stay true to my word and not touch this extra money.

In this month also, my little sister got their associates degree in art, which I am really proud of! They then decided that they would be continuing their education at the university of Texas at Dallas. The last picture is a picture of one of my favorite musicians, blackbear, taken at a concert for his DEAD 2 THE WORLD tour. It was my second time getting to see him perform live, and while he was not in the best health to perform my favorite song the way that he usually does, it was still quite the experience. I would be more than happy to see him perform live again, and hopefully in better health.

June

Ahhh June. What better way to start of this month by getting into an accident…My neighbor ran into the passenger side door of my car while they were reversing and failed to see that I had already pulled out first. Extremely disappointing knowing how much my car means to me…What followed shortly after were series of looking for a trustworthy and affordable auto body and collision shop to do the work while being able to get covered by the person at fault’s insurance. Was honestly such a convoluted process and was so stressful that a part of me decided that maybe I would just leave and live with it. I ended up finding a shop called legendary auto and agreed to the other person’s insurance’s choice to only cover 80 percent of the costs because I allegedly had some “preventative measure” on stopping the collision from happening. Me, tired and not in the mood for a disagreement, agreed. I just wanted my car back to the way it was before.

The next highlight for this month was for an overnight camping trip I took out with my family and other family friends somewhere near Austin. It was a lot of fun! Everything was nearly perfect with the trip aside from the sweltering heat combined with a THICK humidity that made its dominance extremely clear. I remember there being so much good food…and with family friends that you’ve grown up with, there was never a shortage of people telling you to eat more when you just downed three plates of crawfish, bbq, and rice. There were boats and a tractor with a little tow for people to ride on in the back, a working NES system, a basketball court, playground, and an entire forest to explore. We spent our time playing card/board games, held a basketball competition, the dads versus the boys, a bonfire complete with smores, and a sad attempt at a Marvin’s room music video, complete with a hot tub and color changing lights.

Spending your time consistently outdoors resets your internal clock, and so by 9, everyone had started to get ready for bed. I remember being outside on the campgrounds and it being pitch black. Not being able to see past 15 feet in front of me at the most. One look at the sky in this setting and there was the full moon. Brighter than I had ever witnessed it…almost blinding to be honest. The older “kids” were cooped up in the RV designated for more kids to sleep in and were there playing monopoly deal. I joined in and found ourselves playing monopoly deal until 2am until I called it a night. I woke up the next day, sad to leave earlier than we’d have to because I had a shift at work to attend to even with all the begging I did with my other coworkers to cover for me.

As for the rest of this month’s highlights, I finally got the see the Van Gogh exhibit that was here at the Museum of Fine Arts. It was the most packed I have ever seen the MFAH in a long time and was glad that I was able to see Van Gogh’s work as art is always inspiring to me…Sad that the starry night wasn’t there but that’s alright. I also got to visit and hang out with Yentl this month during a trip I made to Dallas for Lacel’s scholarship interview. I haven’t seen her since our trip to Marfa and we got to talking about the Japan trip we’d be potentially taking out in the fall. We had Gyu-kaku (which she covered for like BRUH) and went over the possible itinerary that I had been researching for months now. As usual, it was always nice to see her, and I left Dallas feeling even more hopeful and motivated for the trip.

July

After one long month, I finally got my car back in perfect condition! So exciting to see my car just the way it used to be…Marwan and the rest of his team over at Legendary auto have all my gratitude for doing a stellar job. Could not thank them enough. For this month also, my family and I visited Galveston for the 4th of July, mainly for a parade and pleasure pier. It was a really nice experience getting to spend a whole outing with my family which we aren’t able to do often considering how busy we all are. Even more so with Lacel going to school soon in an entirely different city the following month. As for the final highlight of this month, I got to catch up on life with Lexi as we talk about the occurrences of life and sometimes even the past and how much we’ve grown from it. Always an experience to see her and it’s so interesting to see how I get to hang out with her during my days in college when in high school, we weren’t all that close.

August

I kicked off this month by helping my younger sister pack and move into their apartment in Dallas. We had to rent a car for all their stuff to fit because the 86 definitely was not able to carry everything that Lacel was bringing. It was a quick and pretty emotional ordeal, having one last dinner together as a family, and then having to say goodbye. I thought that would be the last time I would see my sister for a long time, but soon enough, I found myself making a trip to Dallas once a week for five weeks straight haha.

For the next highlight, it’s just a picture of me reveling in the fact that I had finally mustered the courage to go and change my major from nursing to journalism. I was shocked by how much easier it would’ve been for me to finish my associates if I had done this so much sooner. I found myself with only two more semesters, and maybe even just one if I had dedicated myself to just school. Also, in August, I had been unemployed for about two months prior. Shoutout to Daphne’s for pulling the rug from underneath my friends and I without any warning whatsoever. A double-edged sword might I admit, because while it left me unemployed suddenly, the closing of Daphne’s allowed to me find more opportunities and finally be free from the comfort of familiarity that the restaurant had provided me for about four years. Being in H-E-B made me realize how much I was missing out on such a good work environment. Everyone was absurdly and unbelievably nice…The customers in my H-E-B are also nothing compared to the customers I dealt with in food service and my goodness, it was such a nice change of pace. Happy to be here, cause after all, “here, everything’s better.”

For the last highlight of this month, Celine threw an e-boi/girl themed late birthday party. It was honestly really well set up, especially with the Airbnb and the vibes it had come with. They were constantly anxious about how their party would end up and I was always telling them that it would be a lot of fun! Which in fact, it did turn out to be a lot fun and it was so interesting to see everyone so dedicated to the theme of the party. Seeing Celine around a lot of the people they care about was really something, and to see them have such a fun and good time was all that mattered.

A little later into this month, Celine and I decided to end things on a mutual note. Things had been comfortable for a while, and while there may have still been feelings, things have stagnated…A lot…My mental health at this point of our relationship wasn’t anywhere close to where I’d want it and things haven’t been okay with me for a long time. I spent a lot of my time getting triggered over the past and my thought process started falling towards methods of self-destruction rather than dealing with things head on. I found myself either in a constant state of anger or depression over not knowing how to deal with the thoughts eating away at me. Had I waited any longer, I’m not sure what I would have done.

Sad as that may have been…It was ultimately for the better. At least I hoped it was…

September

(Insert obligatory “Do you remember”) September was thankfully one of the better and more eventful months out of the year and kicked it off with Yentl’s birthday party. I remember making the 4-hour drive for the second year in a row just to celebrate a dear friend’s birthday. I arrived later than most and found myself in the middle of a really nice neighborhood where the Airbnb was located. Interesting, I thought. The area was devoid of streetlights with a lake nearby and made me hopeful that maybe a getaway like tonight could really take me away from all that was going on in my head. I’ll drink to that.

I shyly walked in, asking people where Yentl was. I was led to the kitchen where she was and found her already multiple drinks in. Received a tight hug from her and was cordially invited to start drinking haha. I told her that I’ll a eat a little bit, maybe get re-acquainted with everyone and the Airbnb first, properly settling in before I find myself trying to drown my demons lurking behind the corner, waiting to make themselves present in my conscience. I held my trusty detox water, comprised of lemon and limes, tightly, hoping it’d be my saving grace for this party. The objective for the night: Survive…But have a good time. I chatted up with people I haven’t seen in so long…probably since Yentl’s last birthday but I guess because of the vibes the party had, it felt incredibly easy to converse.

I made my way to the pool where everyone happened to be in the meantime. Too self-conscious to jump in so I just snapshotted everyone on film for the most part. Took the liberty and made myself the party’s personal photographer for the night. I went back inside to admire the Airbnb a little bit more or sneak a drink by myself but was ushered to take shots of someone’s personal tequila concoction. “I hate tequila”, I thought…but why not? The vibe was right and the goal was to get out of my mind one way or another. I downed it, regrettably. The burn of the tequila was reminiscent of the nights I spent uncoordinated, lacking self-control, and being passed out in a fetal position beside a toilet fighting for dear life. After recollecting myself after that shot, I was immediately handed another one while not realizing it. Everybody started bracing themselves for the shot, gathering their chasers and mentally preparing for the hit while I on the other hand, looked at everybody and the cup in my possession utterly appalled at the situation unfolding in front of me. Three…two…one…cheers.

After that, the rest of the night was a blur. There came I point where I nearly blacked out because my vision had nearly gone, but after two full servings of my detox water, I was all good to go. I spent the rest of the night just talking, occasionally grooving to Jayson’s live mixing, playing smash bros and leaving undefeated, making conversations, and trying my best to stay out of my head. The party had started to slow down so I went outside to sit by the pool with a glass of wine and admire the quiet and stillness of the night. The backyard overlooked a lake and I was reminded by how nice this Airbnb really was. The moon wasn’t out so it was extra dark and allowed for some reflecting on a couple things, like the break-up…maybe on how lonely I was feeling. I watched some ducks pass by and called it a night. I went back inside and saw Yentl passed out on one of the couches. Made sure she was okay, and we had a conversation about several things, like the break-up…and how lonely I was feeling. Eventually the conversation ventured onto more positive things like how nice this Airbnb is, how nice this party was, some unwanted drama that happened during this party, and the upcoming Japan trip.

After just spending a little more time with each other, and a disagreement on who would take the last bed and sleep on the couch, we said goodnight as she had declared I get the bed. Had to respect the birthday girl’s wishes, even when it was her who had paid for the entirety of this Airbnb…Not to disclose that information or anything, but it was a LOT. I woke up, surprisingly not hungover all thanks to the detox water. As much as I had wanted to stay for any further hangouts of the day, I had to leave for a shift at 2pm. I drove the four-hour drive back home hastily, only to find out that I wasn’t needed for work and that I could actually take the day off…Amazing. Thankful that I was able to attend the party in the first place and see Yentl at all.

The following highlight was a concert I attended in Dallas for the artist Aries’ Welcome Home tour and was a largely anticipated experience for both my younger sister and I. Aries had grown to be one of my favorite artists because of how new and refreshing his sound was. I also happened to find his music during a defining point in my life, specifically during a three hour mindless drive leading to nowhere and found myself halfway to San Antonio and has become the mood and aesthetic I had been living in for a quite a while now. Months prior, my sister and I had been listening to him constantly in preparation for this concert. My only concern was that since Aries is a smaller artist, the concert might only end up being more like a listening party rather than him actually performing. By listening party, I mean that his songs are playing in the background and is overpowering his vocals or that he’s not performing for majority of the time.

My sister and I arrived at the venue with the discovery of a line that wrapped around the entire block. The suspense was too real. The feeling of knowing that I just happened to stumble upon Aries from a YouTube video of him remixing a Post Malone song into a lo-fi one, to him suddenly having the anthem of the entire spectrum of my anger and the prolonging bitterness that dwelled inside me. His music is definitely a trigger, but in a different way. His music gets me angry but doesn’t drive me to a seething, blinding rage the way I see anything remotely related to skateboarding, tall fuckboys with curly hair, or the name Kevin (fuck you Kevin…fuck you!). If anything, his music was a testament to the three months of mental and emotional anguish I had undergone earlier in 2018. I was more than ready to yell my heart and lungs out to the lyrics, “fuck your friend, that man’s a bitch, probably wish I don’t exist”, and “Promise that I will stay out of reach, far gone, cause the shit still bothers me.”

The concert left me speechless by how much energy there was from the crowd, the hype man, and Aries himself. While it may only have been just over an hour, it was the most invigorating concert I have attended by far. Probably the most fun too. As Lacel and I headed out after taking pictures with the venue and our tour merch, we were suddenly told that Aries had came out to greet people. We rushed back in and just stayed around, somewhat awkwardly, casually standing by as fans took pictures with or of him. He was able to sign a piece of paper that Lacel handed to him and he left shortly after taking a big group picture with the fans that were present. We left soon after, put on his Welcome Home album to relive the concert in the car, and got lost driving around Dallas for maybe another hour to end the night.

The last highlight for this month was Quin’s birthday celebration that him and his closest friends organized. The initial plan was to pre-game at Marian’s place and then follow up by going out to Washington Ave. which is notoriously known for Houston’s night life scene. I arrived at Marian’s apartment for the pre-game, and even before I could greet anyone, a friend came by me with a bottle of Hennessy and started pouring some in my mouth. “So it’s gonna be that type of night”, I thought haha. I finally got around to greeting everyone including the birthday boy who was in the middle of taking a shot and was then shortly handed one to take alongside Quin and a handful of other friends.

We eventually made our way to Washington Ave. in different Ubers and arrived at Concrete Cowboy. The whole group lined up and waited for our turn to get in. As we neared the entrance, I pulled out my ID in anticipation as I’m used to being told that I don’t look older than 19 most of the time. The bouncer let my friends in but said something to me that I couldn’t quite make out over the music blasting from inside. I said excuse me, thinking like, hello…my ID is legit, I promise you I’m legal and this is a valid ID haha. “No air forces”, he said. “What?”, “No air forces…”, he repeated. Back to the line I went, astonished that this was even a problem in the first place. I received a bunch of texts from my friends asking where I was and exclaimed to them that I was denied access because of the shoes I was wearing. I went to the little fence that Concrete had and exchanged my air force 1’s with Andrew’s dress shoes and lined up once more.

Eventually that was all a waste because the group ended up leaving Concrete Cowboy…WITHOUT the birthday boy. We crossed the street to another club/bar that escapes my memory but this time around they let me in regardless of my shoes. Immediately, this was already better than the experience with Concrete, from the music, the general vibe, to how less packed it was. Ruben bought everyone two rounds of shots for some reason, and it really helped loosen everybody up. While the group was having a lot of fun in this bar, a handful of us felt guilty that we were having this much fun without Quin and decided we should go back to Concrete to go celebrate with the person this night was originally dedicated to. We left to go line back up across the street, only to find others that also separated from Quin to come join us over where we were at…We all found ourselves back in the same bar/club we just left haha.

Feeling guilty of admitting to this, but we were having an absolute blast at the place we were at. My friends and I ended up having the biggest floor presence and had even started a cypher with the occasional strangers jumping in who had actual dance experience as well. My friends and I shook hands and even made friends with these strangers after finding out we had mutual dance friends and connections to major Houston dance studios like soundbox and soreal. 2PM had finally snuck its way into the night and it was time to go back to Marian’s to regroup. We arrived at Marian’s apartment to find out that Quin had gotten shitfaced at Concrete Cowboy. Quin! The same Quin who took 20+ shots on his 21st birthday, just to be fully coherent, coordinated, and mentally sound to take care of other people rather than being taken care of. There he was, bent over the toilet, clutching it for dear life. It was an absolute sight to behold, and one we would never let Quin live down. It was finally our turn to take care of him, and as friends that love Quin, we were more than happy to finally get the opportunity to pay the favor back.

October

My birth month. My favorite month too and well deserved so. October for me is the transition from the Hell that is Houston’s summer to those cool crisp Autumn afternoons. A transition from bright yellow and blue hues to the golden, orange, and amber tones that coincide with everything regarding the season of fall. Fall is Halloween. Fall is Thanksgiving. Fall is pumpkin picking and carving, apple pies, and the metaphorical dusk of the year, while interestingly sharing the same colors as a sunset. This month was surprisingly uneventful but was largely a pre-cursor for what was coming up in November: Yentl’s and my Japan trip.

The first highlight for this month was this photoshoot/hang out with fellow FRZ86 owners, Lily and Ray. I was meeting both of them for the first time and was excited that they both agreed to be models for further practice with my film camera. Really happy with how the shots came out, I felt ready for taking pictures in Japan and grew more confident in this new profound hobby. The following highlight for this month but not pictured for privacy reasons, was my approval for my travel visa. The news had me beaming. After days of gut-wrenching anxiety at the thought of refunding my airfare, the Airbnb, and all the plans just going to waste if I was not approved, the good news was a major sigh of relief. It had finally cemented the trip, and the only thing that was left, was to save as much as I can in this last month.

My money saving process for the rest of this month involved eating four slices of a day for lunch (only when I was at work), refusing to hang out, and reducing my eating out budget to just under 30 dollars. I was determined. My will power, incorruptible. I attended a hang out that involved eating, and I only spent my money on a drink. My savings were not going to be stopped…My birthday eventually came around and my family and I found ourselves in Dallas…for the second year in a row. I don’t remember exactly why we were celebrating MY birthday in Dallas just to hang out with my younger sister, but that’s just what went down. We went to Gen Korean BBQ for lunch, and followed up with boba (a must). We hung around a Kinokuniya for a little bit to kill time and were deciding on what we should do now. I just threw in that maybe we could stop by the Dallas galleria to just waste even more time, while in the back of my head, I had a burning desire to finally pull the trigger on something I’ve been wanting since the summer of 2017: a Gucci ghost ring.

I only mentioned my intentions to my younger sister because I knew my idea would be met with opposition and disappointment from my dad. After several times being asked why we had decided to go here, I mentioned that I was buying the ring, as a big gesture to myself for making it this far and as a final accessory to bring along to Japan for the outfits I had planned. Ran me back $250 dollars, but did I mind? Not one bit. So much for saving…haha.

To close out October, I departed for Dallas to pick up my sister and Yentl. The plan was to pick up Yentl from Dallas, drive back to Houston because that’s where we’ll be departing for Japan, have a layover BACK in Dallas, and after an 8-hour flight, arriving at Narita airport in Tokyo weirdly at the same time we had left from Dallas due to time zones. The plan sounds counterintuitive with the layover being in Dallas and all…but departing from Dallas added an extra 400 dollars to the airfare. It also worked because it meant that neither of us would have to make a 4-hour drive back home to our respective cities due to another layover in Dallas on the way back home.

November

This month will have an entire separate post dedicated to Japan.

Enjoy these pictures for the meantime. 

December

After Japan. I had spent the rest of November coming down from the high I had experienced from my vacation. I had to deal with the come down as well as the seasonal depression that comes along with the shorter days of Winter, despite always being fond of the season. It’s going to sound a little silly to admit, but things really did start to lose meaning. I had this goal of traveling to Japan for as long as I could remember, and it was finally fulfilled! The long workdays, forty-hour work weeks, the months of research and planning, and just everything I had been doing was for the sake of trip.

Not wanting to feel as if my life had lost meaning, I forced myself to get into the holiday spirit…Or at least I tried.  In the first highlight presented for this month was Travis’ Christmas present to me. A bunch of treats…and a gun. Yes, a gun. Looks like just a random assortment of food but in reality, has a ton of sentimental ties to it. As described by Travis himself, the honey buns were given because of one time we were in the campus cafeteria and I was craving honey buns. The campus was charging 2+ dollars for a single one and Travis was like, “Don’t waste your money here smh”, and told me he had spent just a little over a dollar for a multipack. The oreo thins were given because I had an obsession with oreos, the gummies because whatever, and the limon lays for a callback when Andrew, Travis, and I would have consecutive movie nights together on the summer of 2017 where we would pick our usual snacks from out midnight Walmart runs. Lastly, but definitely not least, the gun. Travis was concerned by how often I would go to so many places during the middle of the night and was also tired of being my personal protection considering he himself was armed.

The gifts left me speechless and admittedly, a little teary eyed by how thoughtful it really was. During the brief period of trying to take the moment all in, Andrew pulls out his very own and the entire room goes up in screams and laughter. Travis bought guns for the two of us! Unbelievable and entirely wild of him. I love that man to death.

The following highlight of the drink and the board game was when I finally had a first successful meeting from a connection I had on a dating app haha. Wooo Ral finally stepping out there after multiple awkward matches and getting ghosted on several platforms. The two of us met up in Dallas at a videogame restaurant bar thing, where we can eat/drink while playing on a console! Pretty cool idea and props to her for actually catering to what my interests were. Ended making a cool friend out of that meet up since. The rest of the following highlights were just more Christmas festivities such as, baking Christmas themed cookies, secret Santa with the OG5 + DJ, H-E-B white elephant Christmas party, and seeing Christmas lights with Jackie at the River Oaks neighborhood.

Just like this year in review itself, I was so eager to get the year over and done with. 2019 seemed to be bad year for the world, myself included, but finishing writing this up in 2021…I only wish I had treasured the moments just a little longer, not knowing what I will be missing the following year.

P.S. If you’re just a person randomly coming through this, thank you for your time to scroll/read

[365days365movies]

January 14, 2021: GoldenEye (Epilogue)

WhoooooooooooooOK. Look, I’m gonna get through this, but I’m gonna have to go in a different order. I’m going from highest score to lowest, because that’s how I’m gonna be able to get through this. And for the record, I’ll be doing some...ranting...at certain points. This is gonna be interesting. Why? Well, let’s start with this little tidbit.

79%. Not my score. That’s the Rotten Tomatoes score for this movie. The average rating on RT is 7.1/10. My score...my score will not be that high. Maybe not terribly low, but...it ain’t gonna be that high. ‘Cause I got some problems. OH BOY...do I got some problems. And this might even be controversial for some, but if you like this movie, I’m so happy for you.

I...I was not that lucky.

Review

Direction and Action

To Martin Campbell: great job. I actually mean this sincerely, great job with the direction of this movie, as well as the cinematography. Good job from you too, Phil Méheux. Some of the shots and framing of this movie are great, and credit absolutely deserves to be given for that. And the action! Look, as stupid as some of the framing is for it (we’ll get there, dear GOD, we’ll get there), the action is all dynamite. From the jump into the dam at the beginning, to the VERY impressively brutal fight scene between Alec and James at the end. Absolutely impressive, and gets a 9/10 from me. Yeah, really. No complaints here. 

Wow, a 9? That’s a big deal! I thought you said you hated this movie.

I don’t hate everything in this movie. But some things...some things...we’ll get there.

Cast and Acting

I can’t believe I’m saying this, considering my opinions on a lot of the movie...but Brosnan is a pretty great Bond. I hate the lines he’s forced to deliver, I hate the relationships and lack of emotion in his dialogue (WE WILL GET THERE), but I don’t actually blame Brosnan for that. He does a great job with what he’s given. And that basically goes for everybody else...almost. Famke Janssen. Xenia...she, uh...HOLY SHIT DUDE. She fuckin’ GOES for it. She’s the craziest Bond...Girl...wait. No, wait, she isn’t the Bond Girl. SHE’S THE HENCHMAN. Shit. OK, I’m on board with Xenia and Famke Janssen’s portrayal. Over the top, sure, but I can deal with that. Sean Bean does great, no surprise there, and I even like Izabella Scorupco as Natalya. Alan Cumming...Boris....yeah, no, no pass for Boris, he’s obnoxious as hell. I know you’re a great actor, Alan Cumming. So why in the hell do I NEVER SEE YOU IN ANYTHING GOOD??? Except X2, you rocked as Nightcrawler. And y’know what, Judi Dench’s one scene as M was FANTASTIC. Seriously, more of THAT, please! So, yeah, when I really think about it, high marks here, too. 8/10!

And an 8! For somebody who liked Connery, I’m surprised that Brosnan was OK for you. And yet, you said you didn’t like this movie? Why?

Just keep reading. It’ll aaaaaaaaaaallllllll make sense soon.

Production Design

Not much to say here, except...yeah, it looks great! From Arecibo Observatory to the streets of St. Petersburg, it all looks great. Iconic sets, like that Soviet statuary. Costumes, ESPECIALLY Xenia’s, were also pretty good, although not particularly iconic. Definitely no real problems here. Good job, Peter Lamont! 8/10 for you and your cohorts.

These are pretty high grades, 365.

I know. I am aware. We are not done.

Music and Editing

Before I talk about Tina Turner’s song, I have one thing to say...the triangle guy in the orchestra was having a FIELD DAY. My girlfriend and I watched this together, and she noticed it first. Now I can’t unhear it. Everybody wants to be heard...even the triangle guy. Listen to the theme from the tank sequence, you won’t be able to unhear the triangle guy going CRAZY back there. 

OK, the opening sequence might’ve been crazy compared to others, but the song was...pretty good. Absolutely not my favorite Bond song (GOOOOOOOOOLD-FINGAAAAAAH-WHAP-WHAAAAAAAP-WAAAAAAAAAAH), but still good. And the rest of the music for the movie is good...but I won’t be buying the soundtrack, sorry to say. Still, Éric Serra did a good job, I mean that. With all that said, 8/10.

Gee, 365, you sure you don’t like this movieGIVE IT A GODDAMNSECONDOK???

Plot and Writing

...Hey, uh...you OK? Looks like your eyes have gone blank there, 365. You all ri-wait...wait, what are you doing with your thighs? No! NOOOOOOOOO-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHATETHEWRITINGANDPLOTINTHISGODDAMNMOVIE

OK, take a breathtakeabreathtakeabreathtakeaBREATH. The plot and writing of this goddamn movie cripples EVERYTHING ELSE IT HAD GOING FOR IT for me. And for the duration of the film, I’ve been trying to figure it out. What was it? I’m gonna have to break it into pieces here.

Plot first. At the end of the day, the plot isn’t actually bad in and of itself. However...it is the most UNORIGINAL, HACKNEYED, SPY MOVIE, JAMES BOND CLAPTRAP THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN. The entire film just feels scripted, and not in a good way. And I know that, logically, some things are going to stay the same. He’s gonna get the girl, there’s going to be a dastardly villain, there’ll be gadgets, Bond’ll be cool, and there’s the music. Let’s take the music out of it, obviously, and look at the other core elements of a Bond film, shall we?

The Girl: I might’ve liked Natalya, but the characters had NO chemistry. Can’t say that about Brosnan and Izabella, they did fine with what they were given. But the characters weren’t given a single satisfying reason to get together. They needed to either meet earlier, or you needed to give her something in her character to get her to convincingly fall for Natalya. The work needs to be done with her. Because, let’s face it: James Bond is a man-whore. It’s literally a part of his character definition. He doesn’t need an excuse to fall for her, she needs an excuse to fall for him. And we never get a convincing reason for their relationship. Ever.

The Villain: Gaaaaaaah, Alec! Alec was actually an interesting character! His motivations actually did make sense, and play on a VERY tough event in the history of the UK. While it certainly doesn’t justify his actions, it definitely makes him more three-dimensional. Which is why it’s a shame that the film works so hard to flatten him out. They turn him from an intriguing individual, to someone whose ultimate goal is to steal ALL OF THE MONEY IN LONDON!!! MUUUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!! This guy is a Baron Zemo, a THANOS. Doing terrible things for understandable reasons. Should’ve leaned into that more, instead of just turning him into Evil James Bond. One of the biggest failures of this movie, seriously.

Gadgets: WHAT GODDAMN GADGETS??? The acetylene torch at the dam? Barely a gadget, and you know it. The car? NOPE! Agent Wade takes it away! Here’s an ideaUSE THE CAR IN ST. PETERSBURG. Instead of TEARING UP DOWNTOWN ST. PETERSBURG. Real subtle, Bond, real great work AS A SPY, YOU FUCKLEHEAD!!! What about the pen? Oh, the one he uses by ACCIDENT? Yeah, not counting that either. The belt? Nope, not even touched. And lastly, I cannot stress this enough, WHY WOULD YOU TEASE ME WITH THE GODDAMN CAR MISSILES, AND DO NOTHING WITH THEM??? Yeah. Still not over the car thing, I mean that. Enraged. So enraged.

James Bond: Pierce...you did a good job. You did a great job, even. It’s not you. It’s the writing. See, Bond lines used to be cool. But then, Schwarzenegger happened. And Stallone happened. And literally the entirety of the 1980s and early ‘90s happened. And all during that, Bond was still around, and still pumping out movies. All of Connery’s wit and cunning got Flanderized into almost a parody of the original character. And Brosnan...Brosnan does his damndest with those puns. Those awful...AWFUL...puns. If they were here and there, sure, I could’ve taken it. But at times, it felt like EVERY OTHER LINE!!! At a certain point, the film felt less like a Bond film, and more like a parody of a Bond film. EXCEPT, that unlike Austin Powers, IT. WASN’T. FUCKING. FUNNY. But you may have noticed something...that has nothing with the plot. That’s all writing. OK, let’s get into it.

The writers need help; they were clearly locked in a room for too long until they came up with “good puns.” It didn’t work. And the problem stretches far outside of the puns. Lemme give you an example, yeah? At one point, Valentin asks if Bond has “joined the 21st century,” then notes that M is now a woman. That comment makes no sense in two ways. One, that phrase is meant to state that an individual is somehow dated, out of touch with the present, stuck in the past. Yet, working for a woman is most certainly a more modern trait, so that makes no sense. And secondly, THIS IS 1995, IN THE 20TH CENTURY. And that’s a relatively minor nitpick, at the tip of the iceberg of this film. There are plot holes, missed opportunities...long story short (too late), the writing is TERRIBLE. It’s goddamn awful. It’s so awful...that I’m going for 1/10. Yeah. This movie PISSED ME OFF.

There. You get it now? Most of the elements of the movie were fine, but the writing TORE it for me. Which leaves us with…

A 68%.

*wakes up* W---WHAT? You tried to Xenia me, and you still gave it a 70%? What about the whole “My score will not be that high” thing? HUH?

I mean...it wasn’t. The average rating on Rotten Tomatoes was a 71%. Mine’s a 68%.

Because here’s the thing: it’s honestly not a bad movie. It just infuriates me for one reason. By all other metrics, this movie’s totally fine. It’s just the unoriginal plot and cringeworthy writing that tears it down a peg. Just imagine if the writing was good. This movie would be considered one of the best action movies, instead of just once of the best James Bond movies. And even then, if you ranked these movies by Tomatometer, GoldenEye’s only #9. That’s beneath Lazenby, a Moore, two Craigs, and the first four Sean Connerys. In other words, it’s the worst Bond movie I’ve ever seen...and I’ve only seen the first four Connery movies. So, really, this rating makes sense when you think about it.

There it is: a good action film with shitty writing. That’s GoldenEye. And PLEASE disagree with me, I’m one of the outliers with this movie. It is a beloved classic for many, and I respect that. But for me...it’s a 68%. Just my opinion.

But this isn’t fair. I want me a good Bond movie, or at least one that I like. Already seen Goldfinger, so...let’s go for the Bond after Brosnan, shall we?

January 15, 2021: Casino Royale (2005)

[patchofsunlight]

i'm usually better about taking care of myself😭 bc i already had to start drinking more water for band and i usually have snacks anyway, plus i can usually tell if i actually might pass out or if i just need slow down but that parade was definitely an oopsie😭 i can only think of like 2 more times where i might have passed out and all the other times i was dehydrated, but i think everybody is used to it by now😭

when me and my brother were younger we would either get along super well or be yelling at each other and there was no in between😭 now it's more neutral😭😭

taking about how i met people is always fun for me because besides being intimidated by literally everybody my first impressions are always interesting😭 it's usually either we were around each other a lot for whatever reason and then one of us said something funny so we're friends or something really weird happened and we just kept talking after😭 like me and the one friend have definitely known each other for 3 or 4 ish years now and we had our first one on one conversation in september😭 we were also talking about elementary and middle school and i made a joke about my elementary school crushes but everybody was embarrassed by theirs😭

my projects are going...😳🥴 another friend has both classes with me and was helping me a bit but it's not that i'm having trouble with the work itself i just actually have to go and do it😭 but we're on break right now so it's easier which is good😎

my favorite is korra but i love bolin a lot too, who are yours so far?

but i accidentally stay up late all the time too😭 it makes sense for me because i'm definitely more of a night person and i already have a weird concept of time, but what usually happens is i'll go "i'm gonna do this and then go to bed" and then something distracts me but i still want to do the first thing and then all of the sudden it's 3😭

i'm good tho! today is christmas eve so me and my mom were going through gifts because i'm impatient and some of them weren't really wrapped so we opened them anyway, i accidentally spilled this bath bomb thing on my floor😭 but i also got one of these plague doctor plushes i always get instagram ads for because me and one of my friends said we'd get them and match😎 but i mostly chilled today

what about you? how are you, did you get to write anything or study? -🍓

HEY BABYYY SORRY FOR THE WAIT I WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR LIKE A WEEK AND A HALF WITH NO STABLE INTERNET CONNECTION OR DATA BUT IM BACK

strawberry..... omg. that’s- god. yes please take care of yourself LMAOOO

PFFFT FELT that’s just how having a sibling works

ANDKWKSNWK NGL I LOVE THAT. GOOD FOR YOU. ALL FRIEND-MAKING TACTICS ARE VALID. i never know how i get friends im usually just vibing and then it happens. it’s wonderful

how did that work go!!! tell me!!!

ugh BOLIN I ADORE HIM HES DEFINITELY MY FAVORITE NCKWKDKEK he’s just...... so nice........ i love him. but i love korra and asami too!!!!! specially asami she’s such a bad bitch and i love her so much

EXACTLY. going to sleep is so much work. i have so much shit to do. humans should’ve out evolved the need for sleep already. let’s all be awake all the time until the end of time

that sounds so fun!!!!! did you like all your gifts??? AND BRO GNEJXKWKS HOW DID YOU SPILL THE BATH BOMB THING HOW DID THAT HAPPEN. and the plushie 🥺🥺🥺🥺 thats so fucking cute. who’s gonna get matching plushies with me, huh????? who???? i CRAVE I T

i’m alright!!! i’ve been resting a lot so it’s time to go back to studying 🥴🥴🥴 but i hate...... studying LMAOOOO specially bc i’ve basically finished studying for portuguese, literature, history, geography, sociology, philosophy, and biology (worry not i have done it over the course of months not in like 2 days LMAOOO entrance exams ask for too much i’m just a child please) which is the shit i LIKE so now i have to go through math, chemistry, and physics. and it’s a nightmare. i hate it here i despise it here. i opened up my studying questions for physics and i felt the urge to cry. why must i go through this.

and i haven’t written at ALL LMAOOO FKEJXKWKXK YEAH 🥴🥴🥴 i have my most important entrance exam january 10th so i think i’ll not write until after that. idk i’m just NERVOUS. cant college just let me in. do i have to take an exam. i hate my life

what about you, strawberry??? how have you been??? did you have a nice christmas??? a nice new year’s eve??? how are you

[trialround]

Philipp Aschenwald/Gregor Schlierenzauer

January 2020

“Looking for this?”

Gregor sits on the bed looking smug while I run around the tiny hotel room, throwing stuff into my suitcase, trying to make sure I don’t forget anything. Gregor refuses to help like he always does. He told me yesterday that I should pack everything ready so I didn’t have to do it in the morning, but I didn’t listen to him. I was exhausted last night after the competition, and I thought it would be better to wake up earlier today and finish packing in the morning.

Well, newsflash, it isn’t better. Mainly because I didn’t wake up earlier. I kept snoozing my alarm until it was too late, and now I’m in full on panic mode, because I don’t have enough time. The departure is in twenty minutes, and I refuse to be late.

Gregor thinks it’s hilarious. He came back from his morning jog while I was crawling under the bed trying to figure out where I had lost the phone charger. Instead of just going to take the shower and then taking his stuff downstairs and leaving me to panic in peace, he sat on the bed after his shower, making sure to let me know how I should’ve listened to him in the first place. He of course did all the packing yesterday, and all his stuff waits neatly by the door, ready to go.

“Yes, yes, you know everything,” I mutter to him while throwing clothes into my suitcase and frantically hoping the charger will magically appear from underneath the clothes. I made a New Year’s resolution and promised not to lose anything for the rest of the season. Gregor is always complaining how careless I am with my stuff, and I wanted to prove him wrong. I told him I could take care of my stuff if I wanted to and not lose anything anymore.

I’ve already lost five pairs of socks during these weeks of January but Gregor doesn’t know that. He does know, however, that I’ve lost my charger, and he’s being extra smug about it.

Where would I hide if I were a charger. I scan the room, desperate for the charger to appear.

“Looking for this?”

I turn to Gregor. He is lying on the bed, one hand propped beneath his head, the other one holding my charger, casually swinging it back and forth.

The thing with Gregor is, he doesn’t usually tease anyone. He’s snarky at best, but most of the time he just doesn’t care about things that are happening around him. I call my teammates friends because that what they are to me, but for Gregor everyone is a competitor, a colleague maybe if he’s in a good mood. But a friend, no. Never. He is very strict about keeping his private life completely separate from his work. I had to beg for months to have his phone number, and even then he would only give it to me, because we sometimes only have one key to our room and we need to coordinate our comings and goings. He made me swear I’d never call or text him outside the competition weekends. I broke the rule once because I needed to check if he had accidentally taken my gloves after one weekend, and he refused to talk to me for two weeks because of it.

So yeah. Gregor doesn’t treat the rest of us like friends, he doesn’t tease. Much less flirt. But sometimes – sometimes he does something like this, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s only doing it for his own amusement or if there’s something else behind his actions. With Gregor, it’s hard to tell.

Sometimes I catch him looking at me with a thoughtful expression on his face, sometimes I think he seems almost fond when I do something particularly stupid. Sometimes I think he might actually enjoy spending time with me, maybe even consider me as a friend. Sometimes I let my fantasies take over and dream of having the courage to maybe ask him out. It’s a ridiculous fantasy, I know that, but sometimes – sometimes it feels like maybe he wouldn’t just say no and laugh in my face.

I know the rules with Gregor. He has made it very clear that he doesn’t like people touching him. He’s very particular about personal space, I know that. There are pillow walls between our sides of the bed, there are those times I get too excited and try to hug him and he has to impolitely remind me to back off. He always stiffens when someone tries to give him a hug on the hill after the competition, and if someone forces him into a hug, he never lingers.

But I’m desperate and I definitely don’t have time to be amused by whatever game he is playing right now.

So.

Fuck the rules.

A lot of things happen during the next couple of seconds. I lunge for the charger, aiming to surprise him with my unexpected attack, but I trip over the corner of the bed, and instead of swiftly snatching the charger off of his hand, I end up lying halfway on top of him on the bed. He seems surprised – who wouldn’t be when you suddenly find your teammate lying on top of you – so at least I manage to do that, although flinging myself on top of him definitely wasn’t my plan.

I expect him to push me away and snap at me, but when I reach for the charger he’s still holding, he raises his hand further away from me.

I huff, frustrated, and look at him. His face is too close, and I must be heavy on top of him, leaning on his chest the way I do, but he smirks at me, raising his eyebrows, and my competitiveness kicks in.

There’s no way I’m letting him win this one.

I have no idea if he’s ticklish. You don’t just ask Gregor personal questions like that. I’ve tried but he gets snappy and never answers. So I’ll take my chances.

Quickly – before I have time to second-guess my plan – I attack. I dig my fingers into his sides.

He lets out a sound I’ve never heard from him before. It’s a laugh, I realize a second later. It’s a surprised, joyous, carefree sound, and I almost stop tickling him when I hear it.

I think I might be in love.

I dig my fingers deeper into his sides, and he shrieks, trying to squirm his way out of my reach, but our legs are tangled together and I’m lying on top of him, and there’s nowhere for him to escape.

At that moment it’s easy to forget that he is Gregor Schlierenzauer – a living legend, that snarky, distant idol, I used to look up to when I was younger and he was out there winning everything you could imagine. At the moment he isn’t an idol, a legend. He is just a man, an ordinary man, trying to wrestle my hands away, laughing uncontrollably. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the mask of professionalism drop off of him so completely.

I get my hand on the charger eventually.

He is out of breath, surprised, when I lean back, smiling victoriously down at him.

“I won!” I declare happily.

He blinks at me, trying to catch his breath. I grin, expecting him to have a snarky comeback and come up with some weird rule to belittle my victory.

I don’t expect him to wrap his arm around my waist, pull me back against him and kiss me.

I breathe my surprise against his lips. He swallows my quiet oh easily, pressing his lips firmer against my own. My mind goes blank, but my body seems to know the proper way to react. I open my mouth slightly, but he keeps his shut.

He tightens his hold of me though, kissing me with a closed mouth. His fingers stroke my back, his other hand finds my hand, and I drop the charger in order to lace our fingers together. He smiles against my lips, finally opening his mouth slightly.

I should not be surprised that Gregor, who hates being bad at anything, is a fantastic kisser.

He starts out with a gentle touch, pulling back whenever I try to deepen the kiss too soon, and it’s driving me crazy, but whenever I think of pulling back to complain he gives me more: explores my lips with a tip of his tongue, pulls me closer, lets his tongue slide against mine. I let out a weird sound, and he smiles against my lips, humming happily before I have time to be embarrassed.

When he finally pulls away, I blink my eyes open. Did we kiss for minutes or hours, I don’t know. The world around us seems distant. He’s staring at me, a smile on his face, and for a brief moment his face is soft and open, his eyes sparkling at me. But when I lean in to kiss him again, he blinks, the softness on his face disappearing. He pushes me away and gets up. Confused, I roll over on the bed, only to find him standing next to the bed, smirking down at me.

“I won,” he grins at me, showing me the charger he’s holding in his hand. I stare at him, willing my brain to understand what he’s saying.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

There’s no way. No way that kiss was just a distraction.

“Oh, no,” he assures me with a mock serious expression. “I take competing very seriously,” he continues and stuffs my charger into his pocket. “I’d finish the packing if I were you. You’re going to be late.” He turns away, opening to door to the hallway before coming back to get his luggage.

“Yeah, well.” I sit up on the bed, digging through my brain, trying to come up with something clever to say back at him. “Whose fault is that?”

“Not mine,” Gregor says cheerfully, walking out of the door.

[whats-the-story-tc]

21st of January, 2020

"The One with the Anonymus Guardian Angel"

I'm gonna have to change my tagline, as V refuses to wear flannel as of late. But like... she wore this shirt with a pattern consisting entirely of little white cats. You don't get any cooler than that.

Before Physics, just as V was leaving the teachers' lounge part of that corridor, two of my girls from training were walking directly in front of her. These two always run up to me for a hug and call me "Miss" all the time, and today wasn't any different. Seeing as V knows about my coaching position (we've had a few convos about it), and that it's almost definite that she saw this, I wonder what she thought about it. What she thought about me. Probably nothing much, but hey. A girl's gotta dream.

Fourth period. We're all sat in the classroom waiting for V, reading our Grammar notes for the test we were about to write. As I look towards the door to see if she's coming, all I see is her slowing her walking down a little, yelling "HALF A MINUTE" then speeding right past. It was almost cartoon-like, gave me a proper laugh.

There is one thing I especially hate about V during tests, and that is her choice of standing place. When she's teaching, she rarely leaves the close vicinity of the blackboard and the teachers' desk, but when we're writing a test... she always stops right beside me. Always, all the time. She does walk around, now with a red pen hanging out of her mouth a couple times as she was doing some grading, but her favourite place to stand is right beside me. I hide my test paper, look down, try not to gay panic too much but... never works. Probably why I overcomplicated half my answers.

She made one of the Boys in the Back (the blond one, as the other's a brunet) sit in the empty desk in front of me and Pocketwatch Friend, and the tried to cheat off us. Normally, like him and me did with the latest Chemistry test, I'd let him. I'm used to people doing this. But, I mean... come on. This is V's class, I can't do that here, I have a reputation. So I just pulled my test paper away, laughing nervously at the situation and when V noticed this, she told him "Doesn't work telepathically." I don't remember what he said, but V gave him this very Done™ look, then looked me in the eyes (mind you, I was still laughing) before turning back to her work.

He kept on arguing with her, which she told him off for, saying "This is an argument you can't win." And when he tried to complain that some of the stuff in the test we didn't even cover during classes, V, for some reason, gestured towards me/my desk/in my direction when she told him that we wrote these down (which we did). She probably wasn't doing that towards me specifically, but in that minute, I liked to think she did.

One of V's iconic catchphrases is "Let's talk about the future", which she always uses when we set a date for a poem to learn, a book to read, or a test to write. Our next required reading is Onegin (V doesn't like assigning her required readings during the summer, bless) and when a girl asked how many pages it is, and I told her, V looks at me and she's like "Are you scaring them on purpose?"

We also spoke about the upcoming second term, and how most of the writers and poets we will cover will appear in our senior year exams.

NOTE: I'm really scared of them and Tumblr won't let me edit this post unless I leave this in.

So, as I'm planning to take an A level English (as in V's subject in this context, but also as the foreign language itself) exam, I subtly asked V if she means we have to know about all those writers and poets for the ordinary exam everyone has to take or the A level. I think she told me both, but honestly, I don't remember. Then a friend of mine I have yet to mention here, whom I'll just call Art Friend, told V that both she and I are planning on taking the A level exam (which I didn't know she was, but anyway). You guys. V was masking it, but the cockiness and pride on that woman's face when she told as she might tell us at the end of the year to read some books during the summer that we'll need to have read for the exam... I don't think I've ever seen her like that. I might have misread it, but I honestly think she was just... so fucking proud that we were even considering doing this.

I don't think I've ever mentioned this on here, but V is the only person the entire world I love hearing my first name from. It just sounds... much nicer than it is. So when she said "To answer Specs' question out loud..." I was more caught up on her having said my name than on whatever she actually said.

Lunch break after fifth period. We're in the classroom of the other class in our year, which V just left. And speaking of left—she might have walked out, but her signature green water bottle and some test papers stayed behind. No wonder, she left in a hurry and didn't even say goodbye to them like she did to my class. I was stood there, asking Pocketwatch Friend if I should take them after her or not (like that time with the dice). I asked one of the girls whose test was there and she was like "Why do you want to take them to her?" I got confused and just said "Cuz she left them here?" And after way too long thinking, I decided to grab the stuff and take it to V, dragging Pocketwatch Friend along, who kept teasing me on the way.

Just my luck. She was nowhere to be found. So I just knocked, walked in, tried to figure out where actually to leave them until I found a cabinet thingie with her name on it and left them there, leaving in a hurry immediately after. Or rather, as I texted my friends, "And I just evacuated the teachers' lounge real quick before V finds out who her guardian angel is." (My ego is perfectly healthy, thank you.) Then promptly spent the whole of German class afterwards panicking whether I should've done what I did or not. Still kind of do.

She probably found them—the cabinet is right next to her chair, she has to have seen it. I wonder... could she guess I did it, taking last time into consideration? Did she even wonder how her stuff got there? Or did any of the teachers who were in tell her we left her what she left us? Guess I'll never know.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

[chogiwank]

A Year’s Farewell - NonIdol!Jaehyun Smut&Fluff | Part 2

You Can Read Part 1 Here

Word Count: 2,502

Warnings: Smut, Phone Sex, Toy, Sir Kink/Mr.Jung, kinda proofread???

Pairing: Law Major!Jaehyun, Non Idol!Jaehyun x University Student!FemaleReader

A/N: I mean I really hope you guys like this because I’ve been working on this as much as I could since like January oh god and its still probably shit enjoy!!hopefully also side note,, happy birthday to jung jaehyun!! the softest bean and wow im so in love destroy me please

Knock, Knock…

The soft taps on the door caught his attention from sitting on the couch, watching his weekly reruns of ‘Friends’ on Netflix. Standing up to answer the door, checking the time - 10:00PM he wondered who it’d be so late, definitely not recalling order for take-out. Opening the door revealed a female with baggage and bundled up with a jacket to keep her warm,

“Hello,” he kindly greeted the girl, her nose red from the cold outside. “is there anything I can help you with?”

“Hi, I’m so sorry it’s so late but I just came back from a summer trip - I didn’t know if you’d be awake…” She cleared her throat, unwrapping her scarf from her neck and unzipping the jacket.

Jaehyun cocked an eyebrow at her, “You might be mistaken.”

“Uh no, actually I didn't get to fill out the housing form, but I got some luck since your old roommate dropped out so hi, hey, how’s it going, I guess we live together now.” She flashed a smile at him, “I’m Y/N, great to meet you.”

Jaehyun’s ears turned red slightly embarrassed knowing he’d be sharing a dorm with a girl, and even more, realizing the first thing she sees him in is duck pyjamas, “Nice to see you too, let me help you in.”

“Thanks.” She laughed, “love the pyjamas by the way.” teasingly winking picking up her suitcase into the dorm. His ears turn a brighter shade of red, grabbing onto the rest of her bags and dragging them into the vacant bedroom.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be a bother to you for that long,” sliding off her jacket onto the bed. “I’ll be out next semester.”

“Why is that?”

“The apartment I’m supposed to be in is occupied since there was a little mix-up, so the resident will be out by the time the second semester comes around.”

“Oh, okay,” Jaehyun awkwardly laughs. “Well I should be leaving you alone, don’t want to invade your privacy or anything.” Turning around to walk out back to the living space.

“Wait, I saw you were watching Friends, mind if I join you?” Enthusiastically he accepted happily to have someone on his lonely weekly binge. “Alright, just ten minutes and I’ll be there.” That first night the two bonded from strangers to acquaintances over Netflix and junk food, despite the unexpected meeting and ungodly hours of the night, - laughing and getting to know each other just a little, this being the beginning of it all.

Exams, final exams are coming up, all the stress headaches and late night study sessions begun. This was it, this was going to happen sooner or later I knew it, my sanity coming to borderline insanity. The shooting head pains - whether it be lack of sleep or too much studying - making me hallucinate, my brain pulling tricks on me and the fact I was practically alone in the library did not help even a bit. I swear my eyes just made me see Casper the ghost or something near. She thought.

The unreasonable hours she’s been studying late into the night, right now at three (3) AM exactly. Abandoning her workspace to search what she claims to see, calling out ‘Hello’s’ and ‘Anyone? Please answer.’ Turning the corner she’d lost balance bumping into a hard chest -hearing a book’s thump as it hit the ground- her fall halt by a hand grabbing her arm. Opening her eyes she tightly shut expecting to harshly hit the ground, unmasking the mystery of the said ‘Casper,’

“Jaehyun?” He gave an apologetic smile.

“Hey, sorry I scared you.” Helping her upright on both feet. “You were gone so late, I kind of got worried when I got up for a glass of water and you weren’t passed out on the couch with your books.”

She slightly blushed at the male’s concern towards her, “Well I mean, thanks but it would’ve been nicer and less scary if you’d told me you were coming.”

“I know I just didn’t want to disturb you beforehand, guess I should’ve planned it out better.”

“It’s alright, but you really are so pale, you looked like a ghost!” She exclaimed.

“Well how about I just changed my skin to orange? Less frightening?”

“That’s appalling.” The two laughing in unison as they gather Y/N’s materials and head back to their shared apartment, ready for a best-as-can-be goodnight’s sleep.

And with that, she woke up once again in the library. This time in broad daylight packed with many others.

Oh, it was a dream. The reminisce of when she first developed unknown feelings for Jaehyun, his unexpected kind-heartedness settled a secret warmth within her heart.

She must’ve passed out halfway through reading her textbook and writing notes. Sighing she collects her belongings returning to her apartment. Setting down her backpack and plopping onto the couch - her mind jumbled with thoughts and memories of her boyfriend. - a new year of University begun again and he’d flown overseas for job placement and studies the whole year. One complete year without him and going through school without their weekly night routine of cuddles, kisses and chats. Considering the amount of stress which would sometimes build up, he helped to get rid of it by deep, comforting talks or sensational sex - rough or sweet however she’d preferred. She fathomed what to do in her situation and really all she needed was to see him.

Sending a video chat from her phone, she pleads to all those superior to let him pick up - a smile forming upon her features as his face pops up on screen - her request heard.

“Hey baby, how are you?” He spoke cheerfully, face beaming. His tousled hair and rosy cheeks, visible due to him being barefaced, gave him a gentle look. Oh how badly she’d missed the sight of him, his arms wrapping around her with a soft “hello beautiful” and peck, greeting each other after their long schedules.

“Oh, I’m so sorry were you busy?”

“No, not really I’m just finishing up some notes,” he cleared his throat. “listen, I’m so sorry for not calling.”

“In all honesty, me too, These four (4) weeks have been hectic, I’ve had no time,” a clear voice crack heard. “But at least now we can talk.”

Interrupting his notetaking, he looks at her with eyebrows furrowed, “are you okay?” She shakes her head no. “Babe, talk to me please don’t cry.”

“I-it, it’s just so much workload from school and I haven’t been managing many shifts…”

Jaehyun nods his head, encouraging her to continue as he listens to her bothers,

“So I barely have the cash to buy proper food, it’s just been the cheapest, greasiest fast food I could find. And I…” sniffing as she sobs, tears wetting her cheeks. “I miss you so much. I want you to hold me and come back soon.”

“Listen to me,” Jaehyun speaks sternly. “First off, don’t cry you know how much it pains me when you do.” Deeply inhaling she wipes away her tears, sitting up on the couch and bites her bottom lip. Nodding as she motions him to continue speaking,

“You are so precious, don’t starve. You’ve got my key, I’ve got a good amount of money for you to use-”

“Jae, no, I can’t-”

“Yes you can, what’s mine is yours. Please, stay healthy. It’s in my closet a little safe box behind all my clothes, emergency money.”

“That’s very kind, thank you.” She snuffs cracking a smile, her eyes twinkle from happiness and gratitude towards the boy.

“It’ll be enough for until the end of the semester, then I’ll return, make sure you stay on top of work and studies.”

“Wait…you’re coming back? I thought it was the whole year?”

“Shortened it, I don’t think you’ve noticed but it’s extremely lonely.” His sarcasm compliments his ‘duh’ expression.

“Honestly, I’ve been having the time of my life. Spectacular food, parties, can’t even feel the solitude.” The two giggled. Knowing they’d missed one another’s presence and voices, warm gazes sent to the other through the fluorescent screen. Both sitting in silence as the other virtually accompanied them, the sounds of the clock ticking and unexpected raindrops landing upon the window were the only sounds heard. Flashing silly faces at each other, the two ended in a fit of laughter during their battle,

“You shall never beat me y/n! I am always the winner!” He dramatically poses, mimicking a victory action.

“Never? You’re wrong. Truly so, so very wrong.” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow at her, intrigued by the comment.

“Why may that be?” He questions.

“Because,” she cheekily states. Standing her phone on the coffee table against a small glass decor, settling on her knees. Unbuttoning her top enough to reveal cleavage, smirking at her own actions, “I never lose with these, you give in so quick to me baby.” She innocently bats her lashes. He licks his lips while she continues to unbutton her shirt, her breasts exposed yet covered with her lace bra worn underneath,

“I don’t think this is the best time, y/n.” He gulps, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, swallowing his saliva from the desire building up.

“Awe, why?” She pouts.

“My roommate, he’ll be back in an hour-” restless eyes flickering to the time on his watch.

“You’ve done me faster,” A bold, mischevious interjection said as her shirt pools on the ground, bra hook unclipped and straps slide down her arms, throwing the undergarment elsewhere. “Please Mr.Jung.” Putting on a show of her exposed breasts on screen. Flaunting them with a little bounce and a little shake, “I’ll be so good.”

Breath hitching in his throat, choking out a fuck it. The sounds of the door locking and his belt unbuckling heard off screen. Sitting back in his seat, he positions his phone on the desk, backing up to have his body in full view,

“I can’t believe you actually affect me this much.” Pulling out his semi-hard cock, pumping the length in an attempt to fully erect. “Baby girl, please you got to cum for sir and make him cum too, okay?”

“Yes, Mr.Jung.” Now positioned on the couch, bottoms off and legs split open in view of the camera, she begins to rub her clit and finger herself. Self-teasing with one finger, with such unexpected pleasure without being touched by Jaehyun for weeks. Her clit erogenous, shivers racing up and down her spine, soft moans of Jaehyun’s name left her mouth, and her’s from his. The two lasted for a while until y/n halts her erotic actions.

“What’s wrong?” he pants, hesitantly slowing down his movements on his cock as she disappears from the screen, silently groaning as the familiar knot fades. Shuffling noises heard in the background until she returns to her previous spot, this time with a hidden item, “Baby girl, what are you up to?”

“I really miss your cock, Mr.Jung, and I really want it, but I can’t…” Picking up her phone, fixating it upon the counter she grabs a nearby chair, “you can punish me later but I really need it.” Sticking a purple dildo on the chair, she gave him a roguish smile - Jaehyun and her never used the dildo much, not unless he wanted to tease her or make her work for her orgasm. In other words, punish her mostly for his own amusement. Although she never touched it, unless an order was given.- her legs centre the dildo to her entrance as Jaehyun breathes out,

“Naughty bitch, I’m going to fuck you senseless when I come back.”

“Please do.” She begs, almost whining.

“That’s a promise.” He says grunting, watching her lower down upon the toy feeling her walls stretch and accidental whimpers release. Speeding up the pace on his length at the sight of his girlfriend pleasuring herself. Moaning out for him, how desperate she really was for him. He whispers her name but loud enough to be heard through the call. Her walls clench around the toy - just like she did with Jaehyun, his moans erupting from his throat every time. - chanting profanities like a prayer, the two came near their highs, Jaehyun being the first to climax. Strings of his cum landing on top his shirt and pants, ruining the two articles of clothing.“Fuck baby girl, you made me ruin my clothes.”

“Mmm.” She lets out a high pitch whine. “S-sorry Mr.Jung.” As she races to find her climax.“Remember the first time, baby girl…” Jaehyun talks through cleaning himself up, simultaneously changing into his pyjamas, preparing for whenever his roommate knocks to be let in and avoiding the thoughts to ravish his girlfriend, controlling his once again developing hard-on. “The first time you came so hard, you squirt on me. Right on your bedroom floor and we had to buy a new rug. That was so sexy, cum like that once more for me.” Her moans a higher pitch from every word he spoke, the familiar twist in her stomach formed. Sweat glistened on her forehead and wet, pornographic sounds of her sliding down the cheap dildo, “Remember all those times I stayed over until the morning and woke you up with my tongue?”

“Yes, yes…” she pant.

“The days we’d both be pissed at our professors or bosses and you’d let me push you against the wall to throat fuck you.”

“Those were really fucking hot…” her head thrown back and fingers rubbing her clit in an eager attempt to release.

“And that one time against your balcony doors, on my birthday. How they’re glass and in clear sight of anyone passing by to-“

“FUCK, YES OH GOD.” She lets out a scream as ecstasy devours her. Thighs trembling from the hard orgasm,  “I remember…” lowering her voice as she calms down. “I remember when we fucked against those doors,” her untidy, sweaty, post-sex appearance covered with a suggestive smirk on her face could bring Jaehyun an instant boner again. He did, usually, it did, but he’d have to control himself now. “That was really the hottest fuck we ever had, and we are doing it all over again when you’re back.” She says with more stable breaths.“Of course-“

Knock, knock!  The sound of the doors alerted Jaehyun,

“I’ll be there one second!” He gave his girlfriend a loving and apologetic smile, “Clean yourself up baby girl, I’m sorry we can’t do round two, but I swear, you will get such a better fuck when I’m back.”

“I’m waiting.” She winked, blowing him a farewell kiss.

And with that, the call ends and y/n makes the utmost effort to clean herself up. Despite her weak legs and heavy eye-lids, her mood was completely different. Definitely still with stress but, a relaxed feeling from the masturbation and her boyfriend.

Anon Asked: Hiii!! love ur work!!! can you pls write a phone call smut with jaehyun (non-idol AU) where you’re really stressed and tired about school or something and you miss him while hes away for smthn and then u call him crying and he talks u down and gets u all loose if u know what i mean lol !! pls and thanks 💕

[bathtimejebshler]

I’m bored at work so take this joshler au I one promised @haunted-gays I would write, then never did

Josh is in his senior year of high school, getting ready for college.

His academic advisor tells him about an app that the university uses to match roommates. You make a profile, include your habits and preferences, and you get matched with people the school thinks you’d get along with

It’s basically Roommate Tinder

Josh does that

He makes a profile, messages a few people, and gets to know a couple other incoming freshman.

But no one seems to take an interest in him as a roommate.

Josh isn’t bothered by this. He figures he might just have to roll the dice on a roommate, come freshman year, but decides he doesn’t mind if that’s what it comes to.

Then he gets a message from a kid named Tyler.

According to his profile, Tyler is a night owl (important), doesn’t mind clutter (more Important), and doesn’t snore (most important).

He’s also Big into the same music as Josh and that???? Makes up Josh’s mind.

He’s gonna room with this dude.

They talk for a bit via the message server, then they exchange phone numbers.

Tyler is a computer engineering major, Josh finds out. He’s also minoring in music. Just cuz.

Josh is majoring in biochemistry.

They talk for a bit via phone.

Josh finds out that Tyler was going to go to school on a basketball scholarship, but ended up dropping the sport senior year, due to an injury.

While stuck on the couch/in bed with his injury, Tyler’s mom teased him that he was “useless” because he couldn’t play. So, Tyler teaches himself to “play” the chorus to Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On, out of spite

That makes Josh fall a lil bit in love with him.

They meet in person for the first time during spring break.

At this point, Josh doesn’t think he’s really interested in Tyler. It’s just excitement and infatuation.

In general, Josh hates to say the words “I have a crush”, especially when referring to someone he hasn’t met in person. He feels like it’s glorifying the person, putting an expectation on them that they might not be able to live up to. He would hate to taint a new friendship like that.

So he brushes aside any romantic thoughts or feelings that are directed at Tyler. It’s pure excitement and infatuation

But then they meet in person

Holy shit.

Tyler’s not what Josh was expecting. Until now, the only image Josh had of Tyler was of him and his best friend Mark pouring slushies down each other’s shirts.

But in person

Josh can hardly take his eyes off Tyler the whole time they’re together. He’s like a new constellation that suddenly appeared in the night sky - electric, terrifying, and oh so fucking mesmerizing.

Josh doesn’t feel worthy to walk next to Tyler.

Let alone see his laugh

Josh would do anything in the world to make Tyler laugh, if only to watch the way his eyes squint up, the way his nose scrunches, the way he-

Josh doesn’t know what to do. Tyler seems like the perfect choice for a roommate, the way their personalities just align so perfectly. But Josh would hate to room with him, to live with him, while secretly in love with him. It’s not fair to Josh’s poor lover boy heart, but it’s also not fair to Tyler. He can’t force Tyler to live in a situation like that.

So he stops replying to Tyler’s texts.

He starts talking with a handful of other people the app paired him with, but every message he sends through the app’s server is a reminder that he could have something really fucking good if he was willing to just put his heart on the line and tell him what’s been going on, why he hasn’t responded, why he’s removed himself so completely.

Eventually, he does.

During finals week, Josh had one too many all-nighters. In the delirium of sleep deprivation, Josh texts Tyler. The first time in almost a month.

First, he apologizes for going MIA. Texting Tyler has just been too much for him recently, and he strongly apologies for pushing him away.

Then he explains why. He tells Tyler that the first time they met up during spring break was like meeting an old friend he had forgotten he knew. Everything about Tyler was so familiar, so easy, so comforting. In a world full if choas and stress, sometimes you need familiar, you need comforting. He needs Tyler.

He doesn’t get a response right away. He didn’t expect to, as he’d sent the text at around 4 am. Still, the next morning, he worries. By the afternoon, he panics. He fucked up. He should’ve just blamed something else. He should’ve done anything else. He shouldn’t have ruined a good thing.

That night, Friday night, the night confirming the end of Josh’s senior year, Tyler responds.

He blames exams for his late response.

Josh couldn’t care less, he’s just happy Tyler replied.

First, Tyler asks for clarification that Josh wasn’t drunk texting him. When Josh confirms that his drug of choice was Not Going To Bed, Tyler accepts that Josh was sincere in his message, and meant every word.

Tyler admits that he’s a little shocked.

He asks Josh to meet up with him again, to talk things out.

Nervously, Josh agrees.

They meet at the same place they had during spring break - a Taco Bell that backs up to a mall that holds a bowling alley, movie theatre, and skating rink. Everything a 90s kid could want.

Tyler isn’t there when Josh arrives. He slides into a booth and waits.

His heart is pounding, and he can hardly think straight. Surely Tyler didn’t invite him here just to reject him, right? But he found it impossible to imagine any other scenario.

Then, Tyler walks in.

He enters the small, nearly abandoned establishment. His eyes take a minute to find Josh.

When they do, he smiles.

Josh enjoys his smile, he always will. But why did it fuel the anxiety burning in his chest?

Tyler walks over to where Josh is waiting. Josh can see determination set across Tyler’s face, but isn’t sure what it’s directed at.

Tyler sits down. They talk for a bit, during which nothing really happens. Tyler doesn’t even bring up their previous conversation.

Josh is happy that he isn’t being rejected outright, but he’s oh so confused.

Until they go to leave.

As they stand up, Tyler asks Josh to stop.

Ok, Josh thinks. So this is it. Here comes the rejection.

Tyler again asks if Josh meant what he’d said in his text.

Shyly, anxiously, terrified, Josh says yes.

Tyler smiles again. This one also makes Josh’s heart beat a million times a minute, but he doesn’t think it’s from anxiety.

His heart again speeds up, nearly bursting out of his chest. He’s filled with joy, excitement, and confusion as Tyler leans in and kisses him.

Josh doesn’t know what he expects to happen next, but he’s just glad he wasn’t rejected

they move in together in early august, after spending the past two and a half months in a long-distance relationship

come get y’all juice? idk i wrote this back in january and i’m definitely not gonna do anything with it, including finish it, so.

take it, drink up

[toxoplasmajuice]

Episode 8: Replies

i think i skipped last episode’s reply post :x but anyway:

@harmoniouspixels​ replied to your photo “Wallace-Hensley BCx2: Episode 8 - We’re Halfway There...”

My tiny gremlin brain at the title: Wooaaah, livin’ on a prayer

~~~~~~~~~

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “[Heraklea]: …and yelled “Ah! No! Wrong tape!!” as footage of his own...”

My soul also hurts for this guy 😬

this story hurt to write tbh (but coming up with stories was Hard so i had to take whatever my brain threw at me)

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “[Heraklea]: …and so we now have a bunch of young teens who think...”

MMBC deniers are a group I don’t really consider all too often in-universe, but knowing their existence is. Hmm. Big yikes

i mean... in the case of these kids, it’s not that they’re actively denying it, but that they were misled... which is at least slightly better?

but then again my own canon had students learning about hawthorne mmbc in school in 7th grade so maybe they should’ve known better. or maybe that was just at the boatschool, a very weird school that sometimes taught things early because common core doesn’t matter when you’re a private school on a boat

@autistichatkid​ replied to your photo “[Angelo]: Should we go look for them? [Jez]: Maybe we should wait a...”

if the bacheloret doesnt show up within 15 minutes we're legally allowed to leave

step out a second early and Island Community Justice will yeet you into the ocean

@bountifulberries​ replied to your photo “[Angelo]: Should we go look for them? [Jez]: Maybe we should wait a...”

dead at the tags

Island Community Justice has claimed a rulebreaker

harmoniouspixels replied to your photo “Soon… [Zeinaba]: Hey, sorry we’re late– [Saturday]: Hey, January’s not...”

My brain is like “oh this is like the first song of Heathers when the Heathers are introduced, except their cats here” so that’s a thing

i know nothing about heathers but im showcasing this reply for the enjoyment of followers who do

harmoniouspixels replied to your photo “[Zeinaba]: Alright, now one of you can take it away! [January]: You...”

Oh same, Marisa, same

marisa continues being The Relatable One

@tiny-tany-thaanos​ reblogged your photoset and added:

Look it’s Jez! And they’re still in game! I kinda awaited it but I’m still glad that two eliminations of my contestants in the row didn’t happen. Last time it didn’t end well (right, Phoenix and Cornelia?)

they’re actually doing Really Well! (they’re the first contestant on either side to become friends w/ their bacheloret!) u should be proud of them

though it’s gotta be hard to keep track of how your contestant is doing when i only update this damn bc biannually, lmao

@geezsims​ reblogged your photo and added:

seeing a sprinkle always makes me ;~; but i’m so glad ze’s off on an adventure

carryin on that family legacy... even without the actual legacy part

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

bringin’ those constructive ideas to the table!

this island really needs zer Eco-Friendly trait

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

i’ve definitely said “literally literally” before to emphasise that i do in fact mean the word i’m using and not the exact polar opposite… same hat

it’s a necessary clarification to make sometimes, lmao

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

hell yeah! militant resistance!

war is bad UNLESS it’s us on the island resisting The Man

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

i have nothing to say about this post but i want it on my blog bc dew is being awesome and bless you for writing zir this well :’)

akdfghkdfhkas thank u... i sometimes worry about how well i’m writing the sims in this bc because the gaps between episodes are so long and i’m like oh no have i forgotten everything about these sims

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

!!!!!

welcome to the Totally Not Government, dew!

geezsims reblogged your photo and added:

FEAR DOT JPEG

...yeah, honeydew’s face in this shot is basically how i externally present fear/worry

geezsims replied to your photo “Soon… [Zeinaba]: Hey, sorry we’re late– [Saturday]: Hey, January’s not...”

THIS SQUAD

😎😼😎😼😎😼

geezsims replied to your photo “[Islander Cat]: ([to self] Ohhh dear. The cats think I’m a cat.)”

is this an animorphs situation clover

it’s... a situation, alright

geezsims reblogged your photo and added:

r i p </3

i’m so sorry....

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

ouchie!!!!

I Am So Sorry

geezsims reblogged your photo and added:

hey… yeah! wholesome!

geezsims reblogged your photoset and added:

this is actually very blessed :3 my heart has been patched back together

eliminated contestants gotta stick together!!!

geezsims reblogged your photo and added:

these actually aren’t as same face-y as i thought! they’re cute!! also thanks for having dew ♡

i try. i reroll Play With Genetics thru nraas mastercontroller over and over and over until the kids are 1) not clones of either parent and 2) sufficiently unique irt each other. i roll and i roll and i roll. sometimes the portraits of the rolled kid don’t render and i have to guess which features are from which parent. my wrists start to rot away. the ts3 loading cursor burns itself into my retinas. my game threatens to crash and i see my life flash before my eyes, with the ts3 loading cursor over everything. my right wrist straight up breaks. finally, i have sufficient maybe babies. i can hardly see them through the ts3 loading cursors clouding my vision but i know i’ve met my goal.

(ALSO thank u for sending me zer!!!!)

bountifulberries replied to your photoset “[January]: I– [Honeydew]: You knew, didn’t you? [January]: Knew… what?...”

:(

I’m So Sorry, Everyone

harmoniouspixels replied to your photo “We’re Halfway There! THAT’S RIGHT–OF the twelve initial contestants,...”

Penelope sweetie you’re doing great! (Also staff killing the horizontal bars is why the posts in Froot looked weird alfnlsmdla. Why take that out when people actually used it)

RIGHT like what was staff even thinking??? “hey, let’s take something out just to fuck with our users”??? hey tumblr users we’d like to announce that we’ve gotten rid of the bold text option

@theworstsimblr replied to your photo “We’re Halfway There! THAT’S RIGHT–OF the twelve initial contestants,...”

if you change the editing mode to html and put in <hr> where you want a bar that usually works!

i’ll have to try that next time... my fear is that it won’t show up on the dashboard dfkjghksdf

[yuki-setsu]

12 Days of (Lance) Whumpmas! - Day 9 [Broken Limbs/Bruises]

yay for broken limbs but i also broke.. other bones... :’) 

Crystal Venom is actually one of the few episodes i’ve seen from season 1 and it was GREAT... which is where this story came from yay for glitchy Castle that turns evil

part of the 12 Days of VLD Whumpmas hosted by @vldwhumpmas2017! you can still submit up until january 7th (rip my late ass), so check out more info on the challenge here if you want to participate!

Lance didn't usually train on his own. The team had plenty of group training exercises to cover for most practices, and he preferred winding down in his room after long days. But sometimes, he found himself on the training deck for private sessions. He still needed to carry his weight as a Paladin, after all.

Today, it was target practice. Mostly just shooting at moving gladiator bots before they got too close. He figured it wouldn't be a long session, opting to just take his hoodie off and shoot instead of having to change into his armor completely. Even still, he kept steady throughout, occasionally dodging a gladiator that dove forward to strike as he felled one after another. Seeing the hole open up and swallow each bot that he struck accurately brought a nice sense of satisfaction. He kept at it for two or three levels before he grew exhausted, his arms sore from staying in the same position for so long.

“Ugh. End training sequence.” Lance groaned, dematerializing his bayard and relaxing his arms once the last bot disappeared. He was probably done for the day. Might as well duck out before he risked running into Keith here. That guy was obsessed with the training deck.

Lance headed towards the doors, bending to grab his hoodie and shrug it on. But then he heard a slight thud behind him, and Lance turned around to catch a gladiator bot marching towards him, sword at the ready. He barely had time to dodge the bot's broad swing, tripping backwards onto the floor as his bayard clattered out of his hands.

“What the—” Lance scrambled to his feet, ducking from another attack. “Uh, hello?! I said end training sequence!”

The bot didn't shut down like it should've, instead charging once more, its gem an ominous red. Lance yelped, running for the doors and into the hallway, the bot close behind. Crap, he never picked up his bayard. How the heck was he supposed to fight an armed bot with his bare hands? He was pretty sure only Shiro could manage that on his own.

“Guys, need a little help here!” Lance shouted, running down the hallways in a full sprint. He chanced a glance behind his shoulder, spotting the bot just a few feet behind. “Castle's trying to kill me again!”

Seriously, where was everyone? More importantly, it was getting obvious that Lance wasn't gonna be able to outrun this thing. Maybe if he could just get rid of the sword... He'd have a better chance of not dying.

Lance skid to a stop, turning around and sidestepping the sword as it swung into an arc down at the ground where he previously stood. The swing was so powerful that Lance felt it from the wind that whisked by his face. Jesus, it wasn't holding back at all.

He didn't hesitate in lashing out a powerful kick at the bot's hands in the hopes of loosening its grip on the sword. It only managed to get one hand off before the bot swung the freed arm up. Lance got his hands up in front of his face in time to block the blow, his arms stinging as he stumbled back with a gasp.

There wasn't any time to recuperate, and Lance caught the swing of the sword again, ducking his body down enough to prevent himself from getting sliced in half. One more time. He waited until the bot stepped too close again, baiting it into swinging its sword back down. It was a simple feint, and Lance was ready enough to dive backwards in time to catch the sword slam its blade onto the floor in front of him. He twisted around, putting even more strength into his kick as he did so. This time, he was successful in kicking the sword out of the bot's hand, and it clattered against the wall before dropping onto the ground.

But before he could even consider trying to make a grab for it, the bot dove forward with a speed that was way beyond the typical gladiator bot he'd been fighting. A sudden force—the gladiator's arm, it turned out—slammed against his chest and sent him crashing into the wall. For a second, Lance's vision went completely white before he felt himself hit the floor.

Lance crumpled onto his side with a cry, trying—and failing—to take a deep breath. He couldn't, it hurt to even get out a shallow breath, let alone a deep one. His vision swam, shapes and figures still trying to reorient themselves in his mind. Maybe he got lucky that he landed not too far from where the sword fell. He reached out an arm, ignoring the way his body screamed at the movement. But before he could get any closer, a foot slammed down on his arm, and Lance could literally hear the bones crack at the force. He definitely screamed this time, the sound ripping its way out of  his throat. It hurt, shit, it hurt so much. Black creeped at the edges of his vision, and he was desperate to just fall unconscious at this point.

The floor rumbled, and Lance distantly heard someone yelling before the gladiator disappeared, tackled to the ground by a large figure. Lance couldn't tell who it was, but all that mattered was that someone came. The ground vibrated with slams and heavy footfalls of a fight he couldn't see, and Lance groaned at the slight waves of pain even that sent through his body. His hands lay loose in front of him, trembling every time he tried to move his unbroken arm towards his chest to assess the damage. It hurt to move, it hurt to breathe, it was so hard to breathe.

And all of a sudden, the vibrations stopped. Lance didn't have to wonder who won for too long, because the next thing he knew, Hunk was in front of him, a hand grabbing at his shoulder. Lance choked out a scream, and Hunk's hand disappeared in an instant, his voice slowly starting to trickle back into Lance's ears.

“—nce, what happened?! I heard your screaming and—Wait no, that's not important right now.” Hunk rambled, hands floating helplessly in front of him. “Quiznak, your arm... Are you injured anywhere else? Talk to me, buddy.”

“My chest,” Lance gasped, trying to focus on Hunk's face. “I think my ribs...”

Hunk paled. “Your ribs? Oh God... Can I check your chest real quick? Let me see where.”

Lance couldn't manage a reply, but Hunk reached out anyways, gently pressing his fingers against Lance's front. When he grazed on an area slightly lower, a strangled cry forced its way out of Lance's mouth, and Hunk's hand disappeared as he apologized repeatedly.

“Crap, I'm so sorry, I just... God, it's already bruised pretty badly, too.” Hunk glanced down the hall before he ducked towards Lance, gripping at his uninjured hand. “I'm gonna go get Coran. We need to get you in a pod fast. Can you hang on for just a few more ticks?”

Lance stiffened in alarm, his mind going hazy with pain at the movement. “W-wait, don't leave...”

“I'll be right back.” Hunk added, frantic. “I'll send the others to where you are before going to Coran. I promise. You need to get help right away. I'm sorry.” Hunk squeezed Lance's hand tightly one more time before he ran off.

He wasn't being abandoned, but Lance still felt terrified of being left alone in the hallway. What if another bot activated and came across him? What if someone didn't come in time? His chest throbbed, and Lance bit back a sob. It hurt so much.

And then the ship shuddered, the lights in the hall flickering and dimming for a few seconds before it went back to normal. Lance felt his already short breaths quicken at the sight, panic blinding him. Something was wrong with the Castle. There had to be. He tried to sit up again, almost blacking out at the strain.

“Lance!” Someone was yelling his name, and Lance slid open his eyes again. Shiro flew into his line of vision, crouching down in an instant. “Hang on, Hunk and Coran are coming.”

To be honest, it was a relief to see Shiro after the paranoia he was going through. Lance tried to shudder in another deep breath, a whimper escaping when he couldn't quite make it again. “The Castle... Something's...”

Shiro lifted a hand, gently carding his fingers through Lance's sweaty hair. “I know. There was a glitch from a bug that got through Pidge's laptop and it messed with some of the systems. She rebooted some of the Castle mechanisms just now so that she could fix it.”

So that was what happened earlier, with the flickering lights. If it was fixed, Lance was glad.

Shiro glanced briefly at where the gladiator must have fallen, a dark expression on his face. He looked back at Lance. “Hunk told me you might have broken ribs,” Shiro said, wincing. “Can you try taking in a deep breath? You might get a chest infection at this rate.”

“I—I can't... Shiro...”

“It hurts, I know. They'll be here soon. You'll be okay, I promise.”

The floor rumbled with footsteps again, and Keith appeared behind Shiro, panting. “They're not here yet?”

Shiro glanced up. “No. Don't worry, they're coming.”

“His arm looks... What about his ribs? How bad is it?” Keith pressed, staring at Lance in a way that was so concerned it was almost unbelievable. “What if it punctured something, like his lung...”

“Gee, thanks.” Lance managed between gasps. “So comforting.”

Keith had the decency to look guilty at that, shifting his weight impatiently from one foot to another. “Sorry. You're gonna be fine.”

Lance wanted to laugh, but he was pretty sure he'd actually faint if he did. Pain thrummed in his chest and he shut his eyes again, doing everything he could to prevent himself from making a noise. It worked, but it was exhausting. When he opened his eyes again, Shiro was busy staring at him with thinly veiled worry while Keith paced in the back.

“What's taking them so long?” Keith grumbled.

Shiro shifted his hand from Lance's hair and moved to wipe away some stray tears instead. “Hang in there. You're doing so well. We'll get you healed up in no time.”

Lance couldn't do anything more than lay there, his body trembling with both pain and exhaustion. He was glad to feel the floor vibrate again with footsteps this time, Hunk and Coran's voice booming down the hallways. Shiro moved aside for them as Hunk apologized to Lance for taking so long. They had trouble finding something similar to stretcher to carry him on. But everything would be fine now, because they'd get him into a pod ASAP.

The struggle to get Lance onto the stretcher with as little movement as possible was agonizing, but the shaky ride to the medical bay was not great, either. But the thought that he could close his eyes soon and let the pain fade away once he got into the pod was what kept him going. And once he felt the familiar cold creeping up his body, Lance let sleep take him.

When Lance stumbled out of the pod, he was surprised at the thin build of whoever caught him. Definitely not Hunk. Or Shiro. Not even Keith. His eyes blinked open, more than a little surprised to see Allura holding him up. He backed up a bit too quickly, staggering as Allura helped steady him.

“Do you feel alright?” Allura asked, eyes wide with concern.

Lance pondered the question, trying for a deep breath. His lungs stretched to their full capacity, and he relaxed at the sensation. His arm was moving fine. Nothing hurt this time, which felt unreal given the pain he'd been feeling not too long ago. He glanced up at Allura, a slight grin on his face.

“No offense, Princess, but I think your Castle has it out for me. This is like—what—the third time it's tried to kill me?”

Allura frowned, guilty. “Lance, I'm so sor—”

Lance's eyes widened, and he lifted his hand, waving it quickly. “No, I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything! My terrible CQC skills are to blame. It was a joke, honestly.”

Someone enveloped him into a hug, and Lance inhaled a mouthful of Hunk's clothing before he was released. “You almost dying isn't a joke, dude.” Hunk moaned. “It scared the heck out of me and everyone else.”

Lance felt someone else burrow into his side with a hug, and he looked down to spot the top of Pidge's head.

“It was my stupid fault you got hurt.” Pidge said, words muffled against his hoodie. “I'm sorry. I should've paid more attention when I was transferring stuff from my laptop.”

Lance grinned, ruffling her hair. “Aw, you do care. I'm all fine now, honestly! It's okay.”

Pidge didn't budge; if anything, she squeezed him harder. Lance coughed awkwardly, the somber atmosphere starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. “Seriously, you guys are acting like I actually died or something. How about we go to the kitchen and talk about something fun while I eat? Because I'm starving and would like for everyone to go to sleep on a happy note.”

“You truly feel all better?” Coran piped up, a worried crease in his eyebrows.

Lance blew out a breath. “I swear I am. Heck, I bet I could spar with Keith right now and take him down one-handed.”

Keith rose an eyebrow from where he stood a few feet away, arms crossed. “Seriously? You?”

Shiro finally cracked a grin, gently extracting Pidge from Lance's side (she still opted to walk closely next to him though, like a protective puppy—Lance found it adorable) and leading him towards the doors. “I think we've had enough sparring for today. Let's get you something to eat.”

Lance laughed. “Whatever you say, bossman.”

When Lance finally got into bed after his late night snack, it was with a relieved sigh. This day was something he was glad to get over with. He probably wouldn't be doing another solo training session for a while, though.

[purplesurveys]

1067

JANUARY 2020

Where did you go on new year’s?: I believe we only stayed home and had a big dinner with family. We’re usually home during the New Year since our rooftop already offers a fantastic view of the fireworks around the city and in Manila, and also because my dad usually isn’t home on December 31st/January 1st.

Who kissed you on new year’s? I didn’t kiss anyone when 2020 hit. Gab and I always celebrated holidays and spent weekends separately...in retrospect, both already should’ve served as a bit of a red flag for me.

Did you have a New Year’s Resolution this year? I didn’t. I thought I had it together. Oh well.

Does it snow where you live? It never snows here.

Do you like hot chocolate? It’s comforting and I order it a lot, but as I’ve said before I don’t like hot drinks haha. No restaurant or coffee shop serves lukewarm chocolate, so I usually just get an order of hot chocolate and then wait for it to considerably cool down.

Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop? I’ve never been to New York and they don’t show that program here.

Is January anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) My dad’s birthday is on the 31st. I also always remember my aunt and uncle’s wedding anniversary on the 11th since theirs has so far been the only wedding of an immediate family member that I’ve attended, and so I remember the preparations and the actual event being really hectic but fun.

FEBRUARY 2020

Were you single? No. I was in a happy, committed relationship at the time.

Who was your Valentine? My girlfriend at the time was, but I remember we agreed to make Valentine’s a little lowkey last year because we were both low on savings at the time. Still, she got me a street food bouquet and I got her a pretty flower bouquet in return. I think we also had an Italian dinner somewhere between Valentine’s Day and our anniversary.

When you were little did you buy Valentine’s for the whole class? No. I don’t see the point.

Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not? I really don’t care about this in general. It’s not a thing we follow here.

What did you receive for Valentine’s day? Like I said, Gab went to my favorite street food stall and she manually made a bouquet herself, fancy paper and ribbons and all. The ~bouquet had chicken isaw, pork isaw, barbecue, Betamax, and Walkman in it, which are my favorites.

What did you give for Valentine’s Day? A big bouquet. She was shooting for a school requirement that day and was at her best friend’s house, so I spoke with that friend in secret so I can plan out a surprise visit and hand her the flowers.

Is February anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) I used to look forward to February because it was mine and my ex’s anniversary. I’m not threatened by the date this year and I will just make plans for myself. Or I can also ask Angela to hang out with me. Idk yet, but what matters to me right now is that I’m no longer sad about it.

MARCH 2020

Are you Irish? Not one drop of it in me.

Do you like corned beef and cabbage? I haven’t tried these together but I will sometimes eat my samgyupsal with cabbage, so I doubt this combo would be bad.

What did you do for St Patrick’s Day? We don’t celebrate that here.

Are you happy when winter is pretty much over? We also don’t have winter.

Is March anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) My late grandpa celebrated his birthday on the 11th. March will also forever be burned in my brain as the month that 2020 ended for me.

APRIL 2020

Do you like the rain? Love it. Rain makes me feel calm and peaceful.

Did you play an April fool’s joke on anyone this year? I don’t think so. I just enjoy watching prank videos on social media sometimes, but I don’t pull them myself nor is there anyone who pulls them on me.

Do you get tons of candy for Easter? That’s not really tradition here. Most families will just go to church on Easter Sunday, and only families with young kids will have Easter egg hunting games.

Do you celebrate 4/20? Nope. I celebrate the day afterwards, which is my birthday haha.

Do you love the month of April? I do get a childlike excitement for it every year because I always get excited for my birthday, no matter how small my plans may be for it in a given year. The only thing I hate about April is the weather, because this is when it starts to get unbearably hot in the country. Is April anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) My birthday, my parents’ anniversary, my brother’s birthday (at least I was excited for it until I stopped talking to him). April is also usually Wrestlemania month, and something I will always look forward to regardless of how detached I’ve gotten from pro wrestling.

MAY 2020

What is your favorite flower? Roses and peonies. Sunflowers make me feel hopeful, but I wouldn’t say they’re my favorite.

Finish the phrase “April showers…”: I don’t know.

Do you celebrate May 16th: National Piercing Day? That’s a day? I always remember May 16 as being Katreen’s birthday lol. Anyway, no I definitely do not celebrate it. I don’t even have piercings beyond my earlobes.

Is May anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) It’s my favorite cousin’s birthday. May also marks the end of the school calendar, so back in college I had always looked forward to the 3rd or 4th week of May. In 2020, Andi and I also wrapped up our thesis in May.

JUNE 2020

What year did/will you graduate from high school? I graduated in 2016. Happier, simpler times.

Did you do anything fun during this Month? I learned how to use iMovie so I can make a surprise birthday video for Gab, where I collated video greetings from her closest friends and also asked them to put photos they have with her in a Google Drive. That was exciting to learn and make, even though my efforts ultimately went to waste. We also got Cooper last June!!!!! when he was still a small small tiny bean of a pup, and I could still carry him with one hand.

Have a favorite baseball team? I don’t even know how baseball works.

Is June anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) Yeah used to be her birthday but I obvs can’t celebrate it with her anymore. Otherwise, pretty uneventful month overall.

JULY 2020

What did you do on the 4th of July? We don’t celebrate that here. This used to be the date of our Independence Day back when US still had a much tighter grip on us, but I believe a former President shifted it to a different date (the one we have now) to serve as a sign of our independence from that country.

Did you go to the fireworks? We don’t have fireworks on July 4th, nor do we have fireworks on our own Independence Day.

Did you blast the A/C all day? I wanted to but was not in the place to, given that I did not earn my own money yet to help with the bills.

Is July anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) Last year, my college graduation was held in July.

AUGUST 2020

Did you have a sunburn? No. No reason for me to get one considering I stayed at home from March to September, except for the time I went to the doctor in May.

Did you go to the pool a lot? I didn’t, but my parents did blow up the inflatable pool that we keep and placed it on the rooftop so that we can cool down. Summer this year was unforgivable.

Did you go out of town? I don’t believe we did in August.

Is August anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) My university-wide graduation. My school has quite a large population so we get two grads - a more intimate one with our own college where we can be called one by one to go up the stage; and a larger, more general, university-wide grad, where the university higher-ups and a chosen summa cum laude student make speeches and there are multiple music/dance performances.

SEPTEMBER 2020

Are you attending college/school? Not anymore.

Do you like fall better than summer? We don’t get fall.

What happened this month? Man you had 8 other months to ask this, why pick my worst month?? Lmao. September was the month of the quick deterioration of my relationship and its eventual breakup, my first job interview (that I got ghosted by), Nacho’s first death anniversary, opening my first bank account, and the start of my internship.

Is September anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.): Angela’s birthday, my mom’s birthday, Nina’s birthday.

OCTOBER 2020

Whats your favorite candy? Fruitella. I got soooooo many Fruitella packs from my relatives this Christmas because that was what I put on my wishlist hahahahaha.

What was your favorite thing(s)about this month? October was terrible. The only thing that kept me alive was my internship and the people in it, our Halloween party, and Good Mythical Morning. But in general, September through the first half of December 2020 is a period I would like to bury permanently.

What are you planning to be for Halloween? I don’t have plans for Halloween 2021 yet.

Are you going to be trick or treating? Nope.

Is October anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.): I don’t think so.

NOVEMBER 2020

Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving? Sigh. I don’t care for Thanksgiving.

What are you going thankful for this year?: Too early to tell, but on the second day of the new year, so far, I’m thankful for the positive people around me, the kindness and patience they extend to me, and myself for powering through and living to see 2021.

Do you love stuffing? No but I’d like to try it.

Anything exciting happen this month? Again, November was still shitty times for me.

Is November anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.): I got employed and started my first real job.

DECEMBER 2020

Do you celebrate Christmas? Yeah, but it clashes with my non-belief so it’s something I’m still figuring out.

Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe? No.

Get anything special last year? I got one too many bottles of soju and packs of Fruitella, hahah. I also got the wooden portable table that I’ve been eyeing for a while.

What do you love most about December? THE HOLIDAY WORK BREAK ZZZZZzzzzzz I can’t believe it’ll be over soon :( I’m not yet ready to go back to work ugh.

Is December anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.): Two of my aunts’ birthdays, my godson’s birthday, my grandma’s birthday, and get-togethers with different sides of my family.

[denbruhh]

real (reddie)

hey guys, this is the first fic i’ve done. it’s set about 4 years after the losers’ club defeats pennywise for the first time, and prom season is coming up.

i’ll do a second part if this one is actually good lol. and yes, i referenced @jonstavk‘s literally hilarious textpost with richie’s version of ben’s january embers poem SORRY

wordcount: 1.7k

It was the word on everyone’s lips, a shadow of something only imagined in movies. It was the feeling you got hearing your mum talk about how she felt in her dress all those years ago, the snickering of boys in corridors talking about yeah, you already know what as the sun set on that ever-so-special evening. It was elusive, it was thrilling, and it made Eddie Kaspbrak’s heart pound a hell of a lot. (Still not quite so much as facing off against that god-damned clown four years ago. But this was definitely up there.)

The Losers were soon graduating, and that could only mean one thing - prom season was coming. For them, this time, instead of every other ambiguous older year group. They’d be the ones donned in suits and ties, making their own memories. It should’ve been exciting, but, frankly, it was somewhat terrifying.

It was like every kid in the grade was fighting to out-do each other. Who could have the most elaborate prom-posal, as everyone seemed to be calling it these days. Greta Bowie even had someone drop on one knee and sing to her, something which seemed to be received well by most of the school community - despite that, Richie and Beverly seemed to mock the scenario at least twice a week, to everyone else’s amusement.

It was coming off from one of those sly references that Stan spoke up, that Thursday morning during lunch break. The group was sitting at their table, the one Richie engraved the name they’d invented for themselves into, in that fateful summer of ‘89 - LOSERS CLUB RULEZ. It had been a fairly regular break until this point, when Eddie’s nerves about the reality of prom were really set off at the point of - “So, are we doing anything after prom?”

“Are we even doing anything for prom?” Ben remarked. “Like, was the plan that we were just going to all go as friends, or...?”

And now, Eddie had to actually think about what he’d been tossing up for the past few months, ever since prom was first mentioned at some wayward assembly at the start of the year. Do I ask Trashmouth if he wants to be my date? What if he thinks I’m only joking if I actually ask him?

“I mean, we c-c-could do that if you want. I’m holding Bird Boy’s hand all night either way, though,” Bill, the unofficial leader of the group, remarked with a smirk. As if to prove his point, he gently put a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder while Stan flipped hurriedly through his organisational planner.

“I only say so because I’ve got to go to the synagogue the following morning with my dad and Bill, so I don’t want to stay up too late the night before if we end up going anywhere,” he stated. Stan looked up from his planner, pen poised to write the first thing his friends suggested.

“Uh... we could go to the quarry? Go for a late night swim and head home?” Beverly suggested. With that iconic grin of hers creeping onto her face, she added, “Anything to get me out of those fucking heels. By that point my feet will literally be dead.”

“Sounds good to me. Whaddaya reckon, Eddie Spaghetti? You’ve been a bit on the quieter side today,” Richie shot him an expectant look from across the table. Eddie could feel a slight blush coming to his face, but he faked a cough and took out his inhaler to make it look like ‘just another asthma thing’.

“Uh, y-yeah. Sounds fine,” he stammered. God, I sound like Bill. This is what you do to me, Tozier!

Stan scribbled into his planner. “It’s a date!”

The bell rung, jolting Eddie slightly. Followed by a collective groan, the Losers started packing up their things, flipping through their timetables to remember what class to dash off to. “Ugh, why doesn’t Mike go to our school, he actually likes history!” Bev complained, scoring a few laughs from the boys as they wandered off to their lessons. 

**

Eddie’s last class for the day was good ol’ maths. He really did try to understand it, but today they were doing linear equations, and, honestly, he’d never understood that shit since, like, fifth grade. Y = mx + bullshit. None of the Losers were in his math class, so he’d usually spend lessons like these daydreaming or doodling in the back of his book, dreading the inevitable stress he’d have while trying to catch up on his work later. That particular worry wasn’t the first thing on his mind today, though. Why can’t I just admit to Richie that I’ve liked him for years? He hooks up with guys AND girls, even if I get rejected, at least I tried and ACTUALLY had a chance! Should I just wait until prom before I confess my feelings? Would that ruin prom for him? Would that ruin prom for me? God, why did everything have to be so fucking difficult when it came to that curly-haired, foul-mouthed angel-in-disguise?

He felt like a fourth grader with their very first crush whenever Richie crossed his mind. Well, if one wanted to be specific, other than Jonathan Knight from New Kids on the Block, Richie technically was his first crush. Ever since Stan had introduced them when the boys were only ten, he’d had those butterflies around Richie Tozier, the butterflies that all the teen shows used to say meant lucky boy, you’re in love! Of course, Eddie couldn’t really label the feeling of warmness, of security, that he got when they were together until a few years after that. Despite the terrible feeling that everyone already knew, that the Bowers gang would never leave him alone if he came out, all he wanted was to be held by Richie. Not in a joking headlock, or an overbearing hug, but a firm embrace that made up for the years of empty words and double takes across judging corridors. Eddie wanted to be held and know that it was worth all the fear; that it was for real.

His pen absent-mindedly danced across some anonymous page in his workbook, drawing rows of circles all clumped together, zig zags, rectangular scribbles. Eddie entertained his ten-year-old self by doodling in the corner of the page: EK + RT. Eddie Tozier? Richie Kaspbrak? Tozier-Kaspbrak? Kaspbrak-Tozier? Jesus, that really does NOT roll off the tongue.

Richie, Richie, Richie. Aw, shit, the ink had bled through. He flipped over to a blank page hurriedly as Mrs. Campbell made her rounds closer to his desk, tearing out the lesson’s scribbles and placing them in his front pocket. The closest waste basket was right by the door that led out of the classroom, opposite to where Eddie was. He’d just tear it up and pop it in there on his way out.

As if some omnipotent force had been listening in on his thoughts, the bell chimed harshly in three quick successions. Kids scrambled to stuff their books and pencil-cases into their scruffy backpacks, barely even having one strap on before dashing out the door. Guess I’m not the only one that hates maths. Eddie was always the last one out the door, making certain that everything was arranged in his bag properly, with any sharp items (like scissors) safely packed away. With a sigh of contentment, he methodically put on his backpack and paced out the door, nodding with a slight smile at Mrs. Campbell as he passed her.

“Eddie Spaghetti, my love!”

Eddie jumped at his crush’s surprise ambus. “Jesus, Richie,” he exhaled, although he couldn’t help but smile at the little pet name, even if he was only kidding. “What are you doing?”

“Walkin’ you home, of course, sunshine,” the bespectacled boy exclaimed, putting an arm around Eddie’s shoulder as they began strolling towards the gates.

“Uh, you never walk me home. You live in, like, the opposite direction.”

“I’ve got some free time, Eds. Plus, I wanted to see how you were doing, yaknow? Catch-up, chit-chat, whatever you wanna call it.” Richie grinned at the shorter boy.

“Okay, but you’re literally going to have to walk all the way back home from my place. That’s at least a thirty-minute walk, and you know how many weirdos there are around here?” Eddie took a quick glance at Richie, who raised his eyebrows in mock concern. He could see Richie’s grin just itching to burst out across his whole face, and God, he wanted to make him smile so badly. So, naturally, he kept rambling. “I mean, what if you get sidetracked? What if it gets dark, or you get lost?”

Richie snickered, taking his arm off Eddie’s shoulder. “Yeah, right, what if there’s poison ivy on the way back and I trip and fall right in the centre of the damn thing? Or...” he stopped walking abruptly. “...a killer clown in the sewers!”

The boys paused for a few seconds before bursting out laughing. Eddie’s heart was pounding with nerves, but he didn’t feel uneasy, or negative at all. It was moments like these, where he didn’t overthink anything, and just went along with the natural flow of conversation between them, that he felt happiest with Richie. And, he thought, maybe even when Richie felt the happiest with him.

But was it real, the way Eddie wanted it to be?

“Eds, have you been writing poetry like Hanscom?” Richie started, leaning over as the boys continued on their walk.

“What? Uh, no?” Eddie responded quizzically. What the hell are you on about now, Tozier?

“Here, let me do a dramatic reading,” he reached for the folded paper poking out of Eddie’s front pocket, snatching it just as the smaller boy’s heart dropped. He felt sick, but froze as Richie started unscrunching the paper he stupidly forgot to tear up and throw out after maths class.

“Richie, come on...”

He cleared his throat, standing tall, shoulders back. He took a quick glance at the crinkled sheet, before declaring in one of his more eloquent ‘voices’: “Your fanny pack is fire December is lit My wang burns there, too.”

“Whaddaya think, Eds? One of my more refined pieces, I reckon.”

Eddie stood, heart in his throat. Okay, so Richie obviously hadn’t really looked at the paper yet. If he could just get it back before he saw all that shit he scribbled about him in maths class...

“Oh, come on, you’re just gonna stand there? I know it was moving and all, but some applause would be appreciated. Help a guy out here!” Richie stated, before glancing down at the paper. His brow furrowed, as he started reading. “Eddie, what...?”

Oh, shit.

thank you for reading omg

taglist: @richiietozierr @january-emb3rs @toshitophchan @httpsalien @ri-chietozier @richiedenbroughs @birdbabestan @goshdarndiddlyheck