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who-knew-a-sheep-can-write · 8 months ago

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Police Dog: Bigby Wolf x Fem!Cop!Reader - Chapter 1

Welcome to the rewrite :)

I made a reference to another game series, lmk if you guys spot it ;))

You stared at your monitor, the dim screen barely reflecting back into your near-lifeless eyes as you mindlessly scrolled and robotically clicked through the usual files only to have to actually go into another file to really make any work at your mind-numbing task. Why were you even given this bullshit to begin with? You leaned back in your horribly worn chair, the spine and back cushion creaking eerily as the wheels squeeked against the “polished” stone floor. You picked up the paper cup filled with coffee to take a sip, only to sneer and place the flimsy cup back down. Your coffee had grown to be ice cold, there was a strange grittiness to the brew and it tasted like someone had replaced the coffee with ink.

You heard the constant rushing of other officers in the background, whatever your cubicle really allowed you to hear past the tall wood and styrofoam walls really. Mindless chatter, the bubbling of the water cooler, some cop banging the shit out a vending machine, that horrible fucking fax machine you wished the captain would put out of its misery. You were going to hear those grating sounds in your nightmares for the rest of your mundane life.

At least it wasn’t too bad, today. Normally, the oh so “charming” lifestyle New York City made things pretty ridiculous sometimes. The main office was pretty quiet today, so much so you could hear the very faint classical music playing overhead you normally couldn’t hear over the rambunctiousness of your fellow officers.

That was, until the bullpen was let out.

Just hearing that door slam open and the cops inside spilling out almost made you knock over your nasty ass coffee onto your keyboard. You slouched in your chair, leaning back as you finished your work finally after doing this boring nonsense all week. You took out the usb drive with a content sigh, toying with it in your hands as you listened in on what the others were saying. Something about a shoot out somewhere in the South Bronx caught your ear when you saw a reflection move past on your monitor screen when it stopped behind you. Turning, you quickly saw the tall and brawny figure of one of the sergeants who was casually leaning at the entrance to your cubicle.

“The captain’ll have your knees for leaning,” you turned back to your monitor. You were about to mindlessly pretend to look through stuff just to get him to go away, but he didn’t seem to get the hint. Turning back around after a few minutes, you noticed the stupid smirk on his face that you wanted to smack off so badly. “What?”

“He’s been havin’ ya on paperwork for the past two weeks. Don’tcha think somethin’s up?” his thick accent teased.

“Considering I’m the only one who knows how to do things the way he likes them, not really.”

The sergeant gave you a pointed look before shrugging.

“Whatever you say, rookie.”

“I’m not a rookie, I’ve been in this department for almost a year now.”

He ignored you and sauntered off, definitely eyeing one of the female cops that would bat their lashes at him to get out of work for the day. Just as you started fiddling with the usb drive, your stationary phone started to ring. You picked up the phone, noting how you needed to fix the coiled cord as it somehow became tangled yet again.

“(L/n),” you greeted with your last name.

“Officer (Y/n),” the captain’s smooth voice greeted you from the other end of the line.

“I finished all the paperwork, sir, I have the usb dr-”

“I know you have, you always get the job done. Please bring the drive to my office, and hurry. I have another assignment for you.”

The phone cut off with a monotone buzz. Placing the cradle back into the receiver, you stood from your squeaky chair and started for the captain’s private office which was past the bullpen that still had some cops. The few that remained inside eyed you as you neared the captain’s door, their voices hushed as they started bickering about what it was you could’ve done.

You didn’t need to worry.

You knew that if you had fucked up, the captain wouldn’t have hesitated to call your ass out from over the intercom and demand to come to his office louder than any military drill sergeant.

His door was closed and the blinds were drawn shut which was a bit odd unless he was speaking to someone important. You stopped before the door and knocked promptly, eyeing his placard with his name written in dark ink across the golden plate.

“Come in, Officer (L/n),” the captain called out.

“Are you sure that-” As you opened the door, the conversation that was just going on had cut off.

Aside from your captain who was in his seat behind his grand desk, there stood another man. Tall and broad but fairly thin, he was imposing for sure. Dark, slicked back hair. A tan tailcoat hiding the strength you knew this man had. And when he turned to you, you couldn’t help but feel a little threatened under his intense gaze. His eyes looked as though he’s seen some fucked up shit, he looked fucking tired too, like he hadn’t slept in days. His grown out stubble also showed that as well. He eyed you up and down, not saying anything, his face was hard to read.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but here’s the flash drive,” you spoke up, offering out the usb drive to your captain.

You captain stood from his desk and beckoned you to sit in one of the chairs provided, but not before accepting the drive from you. Your captain sat back down at the same time as you, but the other man in the room just stood. He moved away from the desk a little bit, his chest to you but he was now looking back at your captain.

“Excellent work, like always.” Your captain turned towards the stranger, giving him a look you really couldn’t read either. “I promise you, Sheriff, she is the right officer for the job.” Sheriff? He didn’t look like the sheriff from the boroughs, and especially not any deputy. Was he maybe from upstate?

“I’m still not sure about this.”

His voice was deep and gravelly, like something out of an edgy comic book turned into media.

“Nonsense, Sheriff Wolf.” There it was again. Your captain turned towards you once again. “Officer (L/n), I’ve asked you here to see if you were willing and able to help Sheriff Wolf here with… a delicate situation.” You eyed the two back and forth slowly, confusion painted obviously all over your face. “You can back out at any moment if you wish to do so, but I must iterate the importance of keeping something this delicate between you and yourself alone. Nobody else must know.”

You eyed the “sheriff” warily once again. There’s no way your captain would do something stupid like leading you off with this guy. There has to be a reason.

“Okay?” You cocked your head in question. “What delicate thing are we talking about?”

You saw the stranger pull something from his pocket but you couldn’t tell what it was as it rested in his hand.

“Are you aware of what societies live along with us?”

“You mean cults?” you cocked a brow.

Your captain laughed, the stranger stayed quiet and unmoving.

“No, but that was a good one.” He regained his composure. “Let me rephrase this: Do you believe in the supernatural? The unknown?” You eyed your captain as though he were just some crazy loon. “There lives another society among us, a good portion of said society live right here in New York City across the five boroughs. Sheriff Wolf here is the- uh, peacekeeper for said group. You were the first officer to come to mind for this position.”

“What kind of secret society are we talking about?”

“Fairy tale creatures.”

A part of you never stopped believing in that kind of stuff, especially with some of the weird things that have popped up on the news recently. Photos of creatures that can’t be explained, videos that weren’t ever proven to be edited, miracles that just seemed to pop out of nowhere.

You eyed the stranger again before nodding to your captain.

“Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll help.”

Your captain’s shoulders slouched a bit in relief before he smiled at you.

“Thank you, Officer (L/n).” He motioned to the Sheriff as he stood. “You’ll be reporting to Sheriff Wolf here until this situation is done. He will give you all of the details.”

Sheriff Wolf pocketed the item - which, now that you got a good look at it - looked to be a perfume bottle? He walked towards the door and opened it, waiting for you to get up and pass through before he followed soon after. You uttered a soft ‘thank you’ before you both walked together towards the elevator.

You both stood in silence as the metal shaft rolled down. You stared at the numbers ticking down, wondering to yourself about what you possibly could have just gotten yourself into. You worried at the inside of your cheek and figeted with your hands until the doors swing open at the chime. You both started off for the front door of the station.

“So-”

“Not here,” he cut you off. He flinched at his own words. He stuck his hand out to hail a taxi. “Not here, there’s too many people. I’ll explain it all when we get there.”

A taxi driver finally caught sight of the sheriff and quickly pulled up to the curb. You were about to start for the other side when he opened the door for you once again. You couldn’t help the little flutter in your stomach at just a normal gesture as you quickly climbed in.

The Woodlands. You glanced at the seemingly solid gold plate slapped onto the stone pillar as you wait for Sheriff Wolf to pay for the taxi. You peered through the wrought iron fencing at the towering building. It looked as though they were luxury apartments and nothing more. It could use a good powerwashing, though. Other than that, from what he barely told you in the taxi, this would be where you were going to stay for a little while if you wanted. You honestly wouldn’t mind it; No crazy traffic, not getting wet when it pours, you get to stay in bed longer.

“So you’re all, um, fairy tale creatures?” you tried to strike up a conversation.

“Yeah.” Something told you he wasn’t exactly the type for small talk, but the silence between you both was suffocating. The sheriff opened the gate for you as you both walked towards the front doors to the apartment. “Gonna stop by the Business Office. Snow will wanna meet you if she’s still there.”

You beat him to the entrance this time, holding the door open for him to which he gave you a semi-amused look. As you stepped inside, it really was a shock at how dated the lobby was. Hell, it even had a security guard asleep at the front desk, slumped over the desktop, hat covering his bald spot as he drooled on his tie. The carpet was so discolored from packed on dirt, the wallpaper was stained from years of neglect, the chandelier in the center had a few bulbs that were that spiders had claimed to be their new homes.

Maybe you wouldn’t stay here…

“Snow? As in Snow White?” you asked as he called in an elevator.

How bad would that be if the lobby looked like this? Did you just sign your death certificate?

The sheriff hummed in agreement as he pulled out a carton of cigarettes, a brand you’ve never seen before: Huff n’ Puffs. He tapped the bottom so only one cigarette popped out the top and he took it with his teeth. He fished out his lighter but stopped before he could light the flame, eyeing you.

“You good if I smoke?” he asked you rather politely.

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

He lit the cigarette and pocketed his metal-plated lighter, making sure to blow the cigarette smoke away from you. You could smell that the cigarette was stale and a little old, but the way he scrunched his nose a bit drove it home.

‘What fairy tale creature was he?’ you couldn’t help but think.

He didn’t look like any you’d recognize.

“Are you also a- uh- fairy tale person or…?”

He eyed you, throwing his brows up before puffing out another plume of smoke.

“Yeah.”

The elevator finally opened up, allowing you both to enter. You watched as he hit a button and the doors closed with an eerie creak before it jutted back to life. You were lying to yourself if you said you weren’t afraid of the thing collapsing underneath you and plummet into the basement.

“We never properly introduced ourselves.” You wanted to smack yourself across the face. Really? You bring that up now? He looked at you out of the corner of his eye, puffing out another plume away from you. “I’m (Y/n).” You stuck your hand out for him to shake. “You don’t have to say the whole Officer (L/n) schpiel, just (Y/n) is fine.”

He eyed your hand before he took it, and holy shit, his hand was big.

It was big and warm and calloused, and very strong. You could tell he was being gentle when he shook your hand.

“Bigby Wolf.”

Bigby? You never heard of a fairy tale character named Bigby Wo-

“Oh! You’re the big bad wolf?” you blurted out as your hands parted.

You felt like an idiot for not getting it earlier. Wow, just looking at him now, it kind of makes sense. But how was he… human?

“You got it right,” he gave an airy chuckle. “It took your captain a minute to get it.”

The elevator came to a direct stop, nearly toppling you over as the doors swung open. You quickly exited the damn thing, telling yourself you’ll take the stairs from now on as you followed Bigby down the halls.

“So - if you don’t mind me asking - how are you… human? Is that correct?”

“Normally, Fables that aren’t human need something called a glamour to make ‘em look human - to fit into the Mundy world.” He stopped and looked at you. “Mundies are people like you; Human.” He continued down the hall. “I didn’t need one after what Snow did to me before we all came here.” You briefly wondered what she did, but he filled in the blank for you. “She stabbed me with a special blade covered in werewolf blood.”

So he’s a werewolf? Like, a big, tall, hairy wolf man werewolf? Does he go crazy on full moons? Is that something you have to worry about now?

“Oh,” was all you could say. Your eyes briefly went to down to his coat pocket to see the faint outline of the perfume bottle. “Do you mind if I ask you another question?” He looked at you, stopping before a door and putting his hand on the door knob. “You had like a perfume bottle in your hand back in the captain’s office. What was that for?”

“It’s some magic shit the witches on the thirteenth floor concoted. It’s supposed to knock whoever out for a few minutes and make them forget about Fables. I would’ve used it on you if you said no.” He turned towards the door, looking at you barely over one of his broad shoulders. “Brace yourself, this isn’t shit you see everyday.”

What could he mean by that?

He opened the door and your jaw dropped. The place was fucking massive. Not only was it large enough to fit an entire circus in, it was also towering! You swore your entire station could fit in here with room to spare. You walked in, passing Bigby who was looking at you amused with his arms crossed. Your eyes scanned the towering bookshelves of books magically moving around and sorting themselves, spying the magical trinkets and statues that lined the carve outs of the wall. And the fucking ship. You watched as a fucking pirate ship lazily floated on by, the wood softly creaking as it turned in the air like it had down for so long.

“Holy shit,” you whispered. “This is your office?” you gawked as you looked back at Bigby.

The sheriff laughed. He actually laughed, the cigarette nearly falling from his mouth.

“Fuck no. My office is basically a glorified broom closet,” he walked past you. He eyed the three empty desks in the middle of the floor with a short frown. He sighed through his nose and took out the now near-burnt out cigarette before he snuffed it out on the heel of his dress shoe. “Stay here,” he looked at you, “I’m gonna go see if Snow’s still here.” You nodded silently, quickly wondering why he looked up at the ceiling as he walked away. “And don’t be scared if a green monkey with wings falls from the rafters, he’s just drunk.”

Your eyes widened as you watched him disappear behind a bookcase. You turned around, looking at all of the magical items that littered the room in awe.

You understood why something like this had to be kept a secret, but holy shit, this was wonderful.

You spied something out of the corner of your eye and slowly walked towards it. Stashed in between two rows of bookshelves laid a large mirror with a very intricately wound golden frame. It looked to be freshly dusted unlike most of the other items in the room. As you approached it, you quickly found yourself slightly dizzy as the mirror swirled to life with hazy green swirls. A theater mask appeared before you, no face or body attached. It blinked at you and smiled softly as the mirror hummed with life.

“Welcome home, such as it is. This squalid office, these corrupted streets, they are yours now, and are bound to them.”

It was hypnotizing, your body relaxing in the green glow as you stared at the mask before it quickly faded away. You blinked, seeing that the mirror had returned to just that, and Bigby was now standing next to you.

“I never understand the damn thing,” he grunted and looked at you. “Snow isn’t here, probably went out for the rest of the day doing Deputy Mayor shit. I need to do some paperwork on you before we can actually start, come on.”

You were hesitant to leave the office so soon but you figured it wouldn’t be wise to make a bad impression on your first day. You followed him out and back down the office before stopping before another door similar to the Business Office. The same standard door with the same color of frosted glass for the exception of the writing of just his name.

He stilled his hand on the doorknob before looking at you sheepishly.

“I wanna start off by saying that I’m sorry for the mess. I wasn’t expecting to actually get the help I need.”

“Oh, don’t worry. You should see what some of the cubicles look like at my current station.”

“Oh, I know,” he wore a look of disgust, “I smelled the shit the second I stepped into the building.”

“My old station had worse.”

Bigby shuddered, his thoughts now running rampant at just the smells he could conjure up. That was horrifying.

He turned the knob and opened the door, still holding a little bit of embarrassment on his face as you fully saw his office.

It wasn’t bad, but it also wasn’t great either. The walls which probably were painted white originally were now stained yellow probably from his smoking. You spied an extra large ash tray that looked to be from the 70’s when smoking wasn’t yet linked to so many horrors filled to the brim with a tower of snuffed out cigarette butts. There were files everywhere, some opened, most were closed. The file cabinets all sat overstuffed, his desk was covered with mugs of half-drunk coffee, his metal-mesh trash can was filled with dead pens and crumbled up paper balls. His poor office didn’t even have a window to even air out the smell, just a rinky dink fan in the corner.

There was something nailed to the flimsy drywall on the back wall, a plaque in the shape of the typical shield used for law enforcement and military. A gold panel had his name scripted, and underneath commended him for-

Three centuries of service?!

How old was this guy?

#the wolf among us #twau #bigby wolf #bigby wolf x reader #bigby x reader

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hirocimacruiser · 11 months ago

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A31

Powerful tuned Cefiro swapped to RB26DETT

Recently, the number of Cefiro tuned cars has been increasing, but this car is a bit more spirited. Although the appearance is close to stock, the engine was swapped to the RB26DETT for GT-R. This is a tuned car finished by Auto Salon Shonan based on the normal Cefiro. The engine has been carefully tested. Of course, the vehicle was inspected in this condition.

Turbine, intercooler, DETT

Since the parts such as the front cover are transplanted directly from genuine parts, the price is also quite low. The brake system was replaced with GT-R rotors and calipers. The main focus is fine tuning on the intake and exhaust systems, so you can ride with peace of mind without worrying about any trouble with a decent amount of power. Auto Salon Shonan is a great place to handle such discreetly tuned used cars.

It's a special shop.

The suspension is equipped with JIC coilovers, making it versatile from streets to mountain passes. If you want to pursue even better performance, you can install a roll cage or an additional meter to increase body rigidity.

The engine of this Cefiro runs smoothly and the acceleration is outstanding. It definitely seems to be producing more power than normal. The shift feeling is natural and there is no discomfort. However, unlike the GT-R, it is an FR model, so be careful when using the accelerator when starting off.

At the time of interview, it was a normal seat.

However, when the car is delivered, the two front seats will be replaced with genuine GT/R bucket seats. Cefiro equipped with RB26DETT comes with vehicle inspection at this price

If so, it might be worth it.

PIC CAPTIONS

-Equipped with a bullet-type 100 muffler that also accents the rear form. It delivers a powerful, sporty exhaust note with deep bass.

●As we increase the power of the engine, we also do not forget to strengthen the brake system. The rotor and caliper were replaced with GT-R NI versions, and the GT-R aluminum wheels were also installed.

●Equipped with RB26DETT for GT-R. The main changes are to the intake and exhaust system, and the engine, turbine, and intercooler are still stock, but they are still powerful enough and easy to ride.

INFO BOX

Cefiro

1991 model inspection October 2010

Mileage 69,000km 2,580,000 yen

Tune data: RB26DETT

Intercooler for GT-R

GT-R Caliper & rotor

JIC vehicle height adjustment

Cannonball type 100 muffler

Original Computer

Genuine bucket seat for GT-R etc.

SHOP INFO

Auto Salon Shonan

836-1 Tsutsumi, Chigasaki City, Kanagawa Prefecture 253

0467-54-8998

We mainly have 5-speed sporty cars, but we have a wide range of cars from normal cars to tuned cars. We also do nationwide mail order sales, trade-ins, and purchases, so please feel free to contact us. Fax is available 24 hours a day.

#A31 Cefiro #RB26DETT Cefiro #Cefiro #Nissan Cefiro #JDM

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sugarpopss · 1 year ago

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Better Uses for Company Time

ALRIGHT first installment of the 90's wall street chubby Aegon. I think I'm just going to do short snapshot style fics for this AU, but idk honestly we'll see. I KNOW that the next one is going to be blowing Aegon after he fills up on hors d'oeuvres at a charity event, that's already in the google doc babe.

tagging the babes I blabbed about this to @khaleesihel and who drew the LOVELY Aegon art that I stared at while writing @who-told-you-this-was-butter

Ummm Aegon is a sleazy trust fund baby, reader is fucken h o r n y, implied fem reader, slight mention of how hot I think Rhaenys is (I'm right)

You weren’t sure if Aegon actually worked at T&V Investments.

He was certainly around a lot, grab-assing on secretaries and making tiny paper airplanes out of sticky notes and generally being a menace to productivity levels, but he didn’t seem to actually work.

When you’d first been brought on as a receptionist, you’d been told to just ignore him.

“He’s like furniture.” Rhaenys had said. You’d nodded, but hadn’t really internalized the information. You were a smidge busy dealing with the fact that you were being shown around by the hottest hiring manager you’d ever met.

But it turned out that Rhaenys had a point. Aegon had, in the time since your hiring, become something of a fixture of the building in your mind. His presence was as normal as the weird noises the fax machine made.

This normalization did nothing to help that fact that you’d wanted desperately to ride him like a pony since your first day at the office.

It really wasn’t your fault. Aegon was hot, in a pathetic, trust fund kind of way. Besides, you had a feeling he knew exactly how difficult it was to focus when he leaned over the reception desk, smelling of nicotine and too much cologne, and said something absolutely disgusting to you.

Maybe that’s why you’d gotten the job in the first place; maybe he’d told the previous receptionist that he could ‘help her out of her pantyhose’ and she had straight up quit instead of entertaining Aegon's nonsense the way you did.

Good for her.

But you couldn’t quit. In addition to needing to pay the inflated rent of Kings Landing, you got to see Aegon in the office practically every day. It may have been distracting, when he got in your space, but it wasn’t unwelcome. You couldn’t imagine not taking the opportunity to get an eyeful of his pretty face-all soft, rounded angles and big violet eyes, just begging to be looked at, to be given attention.

It was hard to not give him attention, sometimes. You thought you were decently subtle, at least. You didn’t outright ogle-Aegon may have been an HR disaster in waiting, but not you-just took a ‘prolonged glance’ every now and then. Very casual, very professional, and not at all indicative of how badly you wanted to fuck the guy who slapped your ass when you showed up for your interview.

Alright, maybe you sometimes gave him a bit of attention. Maybe sometimes you made idle conversation out of his gross remarks, just so he’d keep leaning against the reception desk and you could keep stealing peeks at how the edge of the desk dug into his soft hip.

You weren’t one to defend objectifying people, but it was completely Aegon’s fault for wearing such tight jeans all of the time. Paired with the soft looking sweaters that probably cost more than your utility bill, he just looked so good all of the time.

Maybe it was how you could make out just the faintest shadow of his collarbones when he moved, or how easily you could imagine smearing your lipstick over his blurry jawline, or just maybe it was how badly you wanted to get your hands up under that stupid angora sweater, onto where you were sure he was plush and warm and sensitive.

All things you definitely did not spend company time thinking about, of course.

#house of the dragon #chubby aegon #aegon targaryen #aegon targaryen ii #aegon ii fic #aegon x reader #90s wall street aegon

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sun-to-sorrow · 11 months ago

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So like, reading Maximum Ride again after like 4-6 years and like, there are so many things I’m questioning. For starter Manga reader only because I have this issue of not being able to read other forms of something I’ve already read. Brain kinda shuts down. So like

1) The whole Max, Martina (Martinez?), and Ella thing is just so strange. For starters Max is just awful. Prioritizing a random girl being cornered and has an easy escape route (Max took it after all) over your 6 year old sister who is in the hands of actual mad scientist who you know has actively done shitty unethical things is just, why?! Angel could’ve been saved just a bit earlier if you listened to Fang! But also the whole Martinez has something to do with the school but then it’s completely forgotten.

2) Max leaving the Blind guy and the 8 Year Old alone because “Angel (who is to young to know how to escape the school) might escape and come back here”. Gazzy has little combat experience because he is either told to run/hide or uses bombs and Iggy is BLIND!

3) Iggy really goes between I have the best hearing in the flock to I have normal human hearing. Like sometimes he can hear Erasers (like only twice?) or the homeless people in the subway and most of the time either he’s surprised by them (angel’s kidnapping or the ambush when Max and Fang leave) or Angel finds then before him (the two children). Like, JP make it’s consistent! Let Iggy be the Flock’s alarm so when they don’t have him in the group they suffer more casualties! Especially during when Erasers become robots so Angel becomes useless (like de buff the girl honesty)

4) speaking of Iggy. He has been shown enough times that he’s really REALLY smart. Building bombs, being able to remember recipes to cook, learning and mapping places out (E house and Anne’s place), yet JP literally doesn’t expand or utilize it to its fullest. Iggy could probably be the Flocks brain but no~, he’s to blind to be the flocks brain, let’s have Fang (the right hand man, second command of the flock, has invisibility powers and (I just learned) immortality) and Angel (child with telepathy, mind control, shapeshifting, and probably other things) be the brains and Max (leader and golden child) have moments here and there. The most I’ve seen of Iggy utilizing his brains was lock picking or making bombs/planning out traps. I could be missing some but JP makes it so hard to know.

5) the severe infantilism of Iggy

6) Gazzy still has no new power unlike everyone else (but Iggy’s are pretty shitty because they all are powers to “help him see without him actually seeing”). Like let him have telepathy or maybe a way that only him and Angel can communicate each other.

7) Nudge. Like she isn’t as bad as Iggy and definitely not the worst like Gazzy, but god she’s still really poorly written. She has this whole thing of not wanting to be a freak and wanting to find her family and wanting to be normal and not having to run all the time but every single one of these just stops on a dead note! It like stops existing after like 2-3 chapters and never brought up. Like she’s the most interesting girl in the flock but just so butchered.

8) their looks. Ok I’m not gonna harp so badly on the Manga artist because she is Korean and Korean beauty standards and all that is just bad in general but that’s just cultural differences. But one thing I never understand was that makeup transformation. Angel who has short hair suddenly has hair that goes below her neck. Nudge’s bleached streak somehow stays even though her natural hair should’ve shown by the 9 manga vol. Fang who always was shown with straight hair now has really curly hair. That’s not how hair works and let’s not talk about Iggy and those weird dark tips.

9) Fax and Ella/Iggy (which I learned was canon. I was wondering where all those Ella/Iggy stories came from) I don’t hate straight ships. I just hate these straight ships.

10) oh poorly written trauma handled even worse my beloved. Your telling me Iggy, the one who was awake the entire operation on his eyes doesn’t have trauma. Your telling me Fang, who almost died to an Eraser doesn’t have trauma. Your telling me Max, the one who continuously has a voice in her head, a chip in her shoulder, seeing an Eraser in the mirror doesn’t have trauma?! Angel?!

But like I could continue because there is so much but, there where definitely things I liked. I like how Iggy was drawn. Out of all the characters he looked always bony and skinny and long. Like even next to Fang who is supposed to be the same height he looks so twiggy and tall. Gazzy was so interesting because he was that grey “I suffered through the school but I was also way to young to remember” and I wish it was expanded more. I liked the Ari arc if you ignore every other Ari part in the story. Total was nice if we found nice as before he talked.

Like not to be the paranoid one but if I was in the flocked I would be questioning everything. A Gazzy photo from an abandoned apartment? They could’ve stuck it there after knowing their research was stolen just to trap the flock. Anna watching a new about Iggy’s parents? She purposely put it on so Iggy will be removed. Erasers still finding the flock? Did anyone thing that the others might have chips in them, especially when Fang, Gazzy, and Iggy where attacked. Also how does Fang still have his laptop when he was captured by the institute?

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autisdicksimmons · 2 years ago

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I could literally talk about all of Simmons’s body issues for hours (no I’m not projecting ahaha) but yes he’s trans and struggles with disordered eating and he’s trans and he’s autistic and all combined those things give him a super hard time enjoying functioning as himself especially in body-related ways (these thoughts are gonna be disjointed deal w it sorry dude)

But like, the way that he gets after Grif when it comes to food, and drinking, and smoking, and everything else? Yet despite this, we know that he has quite the self-destructive streak (crying and punching mirrors) which makes him a huge hypocrite— so why get after Grif like that? One could say that it’s because he has his body parts, but that can’t be all true because he’s still getting mad at Grif before the surgery, so it’s just things that he finds inherently undesirable traits— traits that have anything to do with a lack of self control, which Simmons believes himself to have. Not to mention the fact that he doesn’t seem surprised at all when Sarge uses withholding rations as a punishment— so either A. Sarge does that a lot, which could be true though we never see him do it after season 1 B. He’s accustomed to this as a punishment.

I think B is most plausible, given Simmons’s general demeanor and upbringing. He gets mad at Grif for not doing anything to earn food, then “overindulging” anyway, where Simmons views food as just that: something to be earned. Likely he was sent to bed without supper as a punishment as a kid, or forced himself to study through meals or similar behaviors at the very least. In my own mind it goes further than that, but his relationship with food is definitely complicated (especially with his mentioning going vegan after having to eat a dog at a previous outpost??? Holy shit that’s a trauma). Especially being trans (bc he is) even though he speaks far more positively about his mother than his father, the way that body issues get passed down from mothers to their afab children? Even if it wasn’t an intentional thing on his mothers part, those things are too easy to pick up

More on the having to eat the dog thing too, that history of food insecurity/starvation, plus being generally food anxious, is definitely something that lends itself to rationing and portioning and keeping their stock organized… which he does. And then consistently gets mad at Grif for eating more than his planning has allowed for. What’s one of the first things we learn he’s been doing in season 11? Growing fucking cabbage. Which, for one, how, but also the fact that he’s the only one of them to do something like that says a lot about who he is. Stupid, anxious about food, and resigned to the fact that no one is coming to get them (or at least planning for that scenario).

Not to mention, trans people are WAY more likely to develop ED’s than cis people, and I don’t even need to go into all of the reasons I think he’s trans bc I feel like that’s a separate post and I’m sure someone else has already summarized it better— but anyway, picturing a young Simmons, struggling to fit in and be good enough for his parents and not hate himself entirely and have control over something? Yeahhh OOF plus, I’m also not explaining why I think he’s autistic rn, but adding autism to the mix? Having difficulty with certain foods and textures makes it hard to want to eat to begin with, and with the kinds of pressure he seems to have faced as a child to be strong and tough and athletic and generally not his nerdy self, having sensory problems probably made it just that much harder, making him hate the way his body responds to things other people, “normal people,” can handle fine, returning him to that cycle of self-hatred, and that’s just within himself ignoring all of the bullying we know that he’s faced. It’s no wonder the dude showers in his underwear still, like, bro’s self conscious and anxious and probably just generally does not like his body.

Also his ass is literally a fax machine. That’s gotta do a toll on the psyche

#dick simmons #rvb #red vs blue #animal death #trans dick Simmons #autistic dick Simmons #long post #food #tw ed descussion

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belschine · 2 years ago

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Hi! Tumblr crashed when I tried to answer this properly so I’m gonna try with a proper text post under the cut instead.

To keep things simpler I’m gonna separate mental/emotional exhaustion and physical exhaustion/injury. I’ve been having a long day (or week, or month...) so please forgive me if I forget someone, although I’m not doing the non-canon characters

Physical rating

Trevor > Simon > John > Shanoa > Jonathan > Julius > Grant > Hector > Charlotte and Eric > Christopher > Juste > Richter > Alucard > Maria

Trevor lost an eye and that chest scar of his looks like it should’ve killed him, Simon just got cursed, John’s having his life sapped away by the Vampire Killer.

I imagine that Dominus, even though it didn’t kill Shanoa, probably still took a toll on her.

Jonathan, if he uses the VK, is probably less hurt by it than his father thanks to ‘proving himself’ to Sara with that cool mental battle with Richter. I still don’t think it’s completely harmless, though, but that’s just how I feel about it and not canonically stated anywhere.

In 1999 Julius is the strongest Belmont and perhaps the strongest just normal human out there, but I feel like the very last battle Drac could put on would be the most vicious. I also loosely headcanon (as in I believe it but if it’s too inconvenient I will roll with something else) that he used a modified version of the Dominus spell - explaining his amnesia and giving a good reason to the complete, permanent destruction of Dracula’s body than just “it was prophesied” - so the Shanoa thing applies to him too somewhat.

Grant just spent probably like 3 months or so going from staging a rebellion to getting transformed into a monster to joining another rebellion and winning that time. Good for him! But that sounds exhausting.

Hector’s awesome and badass but he does still seem to eat shit a lot. Sorry, Hector. Charlotte is noted to be a really powerful witch, and Eric seems pretty tough. It’s been a really long time since I’ve played Bloodlines, since before the whole fax fiasco went down, so I’m not 100% on that one.

Christopher, Juste and Richter are pretty self-explanatory - they’re Belmonts, and the Belmonts get more powerful with each generation. Juste and Richter’s damage is mostly emotional, so we’ll get to that. I don’t have any thoughts on Christopher in the physical category beyond this either.

Alucard’s not human, so he’s got a leg up somewhat, but in SotN specifically it’s also notable that Dracula appears to stand down after Alucard passes on Lisa’s last words rather than be killed by Alucard’s hand directly.

Maria is fine. She’s 12 so she could fall off a building and walk away. You know how it is to be 12

Mental/emotional rating

Alucard in 1476 > John and Simon > Maria > Julius > Alucard in 1999, Grant, Trevor and Sypha > Jonathan and Charlotte (?) > Hector > Juste > Richter > Christopher > Eric > Alucard in 1797

Shanoa just lost her brother and left a cult, but things are looking up for her now that it’s over and she’s experiencing catharsis, so I’m not sure where to put her on a scale for that. Honestly she simultaneously fits at both ends in my mind.

Alucard in 1476 is obviously bad. He more or less goes out of the situation committing the closest thing to suicide he can get as a vampire.

John and Simon probably both know they’re going to die.

Maria is definitely not going to think about it for a long time but what she’s been through would have messed up an adult, let alone a child. She also just lost her parents so. Yeah.

Julius may have forgotten everything, but his dialogue in Aria suggests he still has PTSD over it anyway. As if amnesia wasn’t enough!

Alucard in 1999 is at the point where it’s like, at least it’s fucking over, but also I assume he’s left to believe Julius is dead and has been left to grieve his friend. Grant, Trevor, and Sypha are likewise grieving Alucard, an interesting inversion of this... *chuck supernatural voice* CIRCULAR NARRATIVE

Jonathan and Charlotte are grieving and stuff but it’s a cathartic experience too I think I havent played Portrait in so long I’m sorry. I need to get on the grind again maybe over winter break. In my defense I also got lead poisoning since the last time I played it which did make me forget a lot of other things from that time period as well (I’m ok ^_^’)

Hector is still grieving his wife and his revenge was kind of pointless and doesn’t actually make anyone feel better. But he made a friend.

Juste just nearly had to kill his best friend. He didn’t in the end, which is great! But still a really stressful thing to go through. He’s clearly agitated and upset about it. He also lies to Lydie about what happened, likely to try to protect Maxim, given his own family’s history of being driven to the fringes of society due to their power.

Richter was absolutely fucked over from fighting Dracula, but I think in the end things would’ve been worse for him if he hadn’t. He was socialized to believe it was what he existed for either way, and the second it’s over he’s basking in the glory of victory... For but a moment. Needless to say, it doesn’t last.

Christopher is like... whatever in his first time around I guess, but fighting your 15 year old kid has got to suck. Even if I do think he probably wasn’t a great dad to lead to that outcome

I honestly don’t know where to put Eric on this he’s just chilling I think. I have the same excuse for Bloodlines inaccuracy as for Portrait I’m sorry

Alucard’s conversation with his dad in SotN was probably really cathartic for him, even if he does try to go back to his old ways as soon as the fight’s over and kill himself again - there’s something to be said about how recovery is harder than continuing to perpetuate your own misery, and Dracula continuing to oppose humanity in all his resurrections after 1797 is a testament to this. So they’re kind of parallels when you think about it!

#castlevania #asks

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nusta · 2 years ago

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I completely agree with @fiftysevenacademics and I try my best for my private life, but at work it's awful, and I can't do much about it.

I've seen the development first indirectly with my mother's job, which was similar to mine for most of the aspects since she was an employee like me. From paperwork with pen and typewriter and carbon copies to computers and printers, and from fax to emails, it was a revolution. Like in the comic above, the definition of "rush" shifted, and the expectations changed a lot: between employers and employees and between offices and clients too. The bureaucracy generally fastened everywhere in the last 20 years: something that was done in a couple of weeks now takes a couple of days or less, but it isn't all due to the informatization of the databases, lots of it is from workers crunching hard and being exploited.

Ten years ago, in my office (I'm in Italy) we still received a lot of documentation through fax or mail (real paper mail), sometimes days after we received a word from our clients about that. We talked to them on the phone or in person and we visited regularly. Now no one has the time for that, no one wants to "lose time", but we receive twenty times the emails that we received ten years ago, and many of them could have been a simple call -and I know the joke, but the human aspect of this kind of situation it's underrated, imho.

Now we log in online to access databases and documents, and if we don't answer our clients in a few hours, we get a "bad" review from an algorithm that evaluates many aspects of our job.

That's the same in a lot of workplaces and I think these kinds of algorithms are built with a distorted vision of what a human being should be put through in the workplace, and in life in general. I know that there are studies about how much time a simple task should take and nothing can convince me that they aren't, for the most part, completely ignored or manipulated to demonstrate something different from reality. We should account for more rest, more errors, more unexpected, more leisure and more freedom above all.

I can't believe that we are still considering normal working 8 hours a day, but that's for another rant.

i dont know exactly how to articulate this in a way other people havent but everything is too fast now. 24/7 news cycle, online focuses that last for hours instead of months or years, songs written just so ten seconds can go viral. movies and books churned out to meet some nebulous income quota. idk. im motion sick

#lifestyle #work #mental health #cose mie #sorry for my bad english #politics

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curlygrant44 · 10 days ago

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He pretends that he doesn't notice the way his double doesn't actually seem bothered by the idea at all, and he definitely pretends not to think anything more about that at all. It's better if he doesn't. He can die on his own time, right now he should focus on his responsibilities.

"Well, it's not great," he admits. "Are you familiar with that...orange woman? She was asking about access to uranium earlier, and while I hope we don't have any on board, I can't verify that with the ships in the state they're in..." Curly grimaces. Here comes the real problem; he'll have to hope his double isn't offended that he took action before consulting with anyone else about this particular matter. "I contacted an OSHA-compliance officer whose ship was relatively close and asked them to come check things out. They're en route, I'm told."

He pulls the faxes from his breast pocket and unfolds them to hand to his double. "Here...normally I'd have talked it over with you and the others first, but if there is any aboard, this could be an emergency. Especially considering how accident-prone Daisuke is..."

Just the thought of all the hassle this is going to prove is threatening to give him a headache. God only knows what the Jimmys will do...

Restless as he is, Curly wanders aimlessly and sketches a rough diagram of the halls, pausing now and then to answer messages as he goes -- it's when the tablet's battery gets low that he decides to follow the map to backtrack to his room and take a break from wandering.

Except...when he opens the door, there's no familiar paperback on the desk, and the one person in room -- changing clothes, no less -- is definitely not Jim.

This isn't his quarters, clearly, which means...

He blinks at his double before averting his eyes, suddenly embarrassed. "Shit, sorry, I- I didn't mean to intrude, I got turned around."

Well. He'd meant to find his double to ask about the matter of nicknames and color-coding the crews, anyway. Not to mention discussing the uranium situation. He might as well stay for a moment. "...I did have a couple of things to ask about the next time I saw you, though. Do you mind if we talk? I, uh. I can wait outside for a minute, if you'd rather."

( @curlygrant44 )

At seeing his door suddenly opened by his double while he was getting changed does cause a small deer-in-headlights type effect before he blinks and quickly putting his shirt on properly.

"No worries, it happens with the state of the ship." He says as he moves to tidy up the room slightly as he didn't really expect anyone to ever enter the room besides himself.

"But you are quite welcome to come in. Don't mind the small mess? What do you want to talk about since I'm all ears." He offers a small smile before offering his bed to sit on.

#captain curly #captain's log #two captains one cockpit #fellas is it gay if it's yourself?

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fyodior · 2 years ago

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CAR SEX!

ꔮ cw: semi-public sex, vaginal sex, riding, creampie, 18+ minors DNI!

ꔮ pairing: dazai x afab reader

ꔮ wc: 3.6k

You weren’t sure when you and Dazai became a thing, couldn’t quite pinpoint an exact moment or words said that indicated the change in your relationship. How you went from complete strangers to friendly coworkers who joked around every once in a while, to whatever you were now. Nonetheless, you were currently on his lap in the front seat of his car, moaning his name as he pressed hungry kisses all over your neck and chest.

You had felt some sort of shift that morning when you first walked through the door into the office, running just slightly late as usual. Everything else was the same: Kunikida writing furiously in his ideals notebook, Ranpo chewing loudly on a sweet, Atsushi having a meltdown about God knows what, but Dazai seemed different. He usually welcomed you with a blinding, ear-to-ear smile and waved from his desk, announcing your name in excitement as if you didn’t walk through that same door every single day. It became a little moment you looked forward to, alongside all of your other interactions with him. But today, he looked up from his computer and stared at you intensely, eyes dark and lips pursed. It was so jarring you completely missed Junichiro greet you and offer some pastries he picked up that morning.

“Uh, hello?” he asked, waving a hand in front of your face. You startled and laughed suddenly.

“Oh! Uh-”

“Are you okay?” His head cocked to the side, eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah! I’m totally fine,” you said as you turned towards him, grabbing a pastry from the box with a small thanks.

You headed over to your desk, attempting to convince yourself he was just having a bad morning, or maybe he was just pissed about whatever paperwork Kunikida was blackmailing him into doing. That was actually a very likely scenario. But more than anything, you tried to convince yourself to stop caring this deeply about Dazai and his reactions towards you in the first place. The two of you had nothing even remotely serious going on, only just ambiguous flirting and one or two drunken kisses. He never quite seemed to remember those, but you always did. And as much as you didn’t want to, as much as you resisted, you couldn’t help yourself from falling for him. You could never get those brown eyes or his silky, wavy hair out of your head no matter how hard you tried. And you dreamed of his slim hands and long fingers more than you would ever care to admit.

But his mood never lifted, even as the day went on. It was a slow day at the agency, pretty much everyone confined to their desks finishing reports and discussing matters over the phone, with Kunikida occasionally barking at Atsushi to run some miniscule errand. On days like these, Dazai would usually be bouncing off the walls and driving everyone insane for his own personal entertainment. Yet he continued to sit at his desk in silence. Occasionally he would lift his head only to set his eyes on you with an expression you couldn’t read, tapping his fingers on the papers in front of him. You really tried your best to ignore it, push it out of your head and complete your needed tasks, but you just could not stop thinking about it. Why was he acting like this? Where was the normal Dazai?

It wasn’t until much later in the day that things began to change. Atsushi had been assigned yet another frivolous task, hand-delivering a document to a judge that definitely could’ve been faxed or emailed, and he had asked Kunikida if you could come along.

“I get so bored and lonely, can I please take someone with me?” he begged, slouched over in exhaust. His eyes wander over to you. “Oh! (y/n), it doesn’t look like you’re too busy, do you want to tag along?”

“Sure,” you said with a smile. You didn’t have much left to do and really felt like you could use some fresh air, but also really needed to escape Dazai’s piercing stare.

But before Kunikida could okay it, Dazai stood up abruptly, kicking his chair back. Everyone was used to Dazai making a scene, but right now all eyes were on him.

“I just remembered a very important… meeting I have to discuss things with Akutagawa, and I really need (y/n)’s ability.”

“Oh?” Kunikida remarked, raising an eyebrow. “This is the first I’m hearing of this.”

“That’s because it’s last-minute… and confidential. But I need (y/n).”

You stared at him in bewilderment, as this was also the first time you were hearing of this. Why the hell was he meeting with Akutagawa, and what could he possibly need your ability for? You really hoped this wasn’t about to turn into a fight of some sort; that was the last thing you needed to deal with today.

He strode over to your desk and grabbed your wrist, yanking you out of your seat, and began dragging you towards the door.

“Dazai, what the hell?” you whispered, not wanting to turn this into even more of a scene. Everyone was still staring.

He said nothing, didn’t even look at you until he had dragged you all the way to the stairwell, despite your protests. Once the door slammed shut behind you two, he let go of your wrist and stared at you intensely.

“What the-”

He cut you off mid-sentence, pushing you against the wall and kissing you. This only increased your confusion, but you soon melted into the kiss. You could never be immune to Dazai’s touch. He used both hands to cup your cheeks, caressing your skin softly as he deepened the kiss. You felt every ounce of confusion, frustration, and anxiety drain from your body as you let yourself just exist in the moment.

He soon pulled away but kept his hands on your cheeks, rubbing gentle circles but saying nothing. You lifted your hand up to rest it on his wrist. His eyes finally met yours as he took a deep breath.

“You’ve been on my mind for weeks- no, months,” he admits, voice low. “You are all I think about.”

You couldn’t help but gasp at that. You were entirely under the impression that he saw you as nothing more than a funny acquaintance, someone he could joke with at work to pass the time and ease the tensions. You had never allowed yourself to truly believe it was, or could be, anything more.

Dazai continues. “I guess I just got… fed up. I felt like I was already at my breaking point this morning, then seeing you walk in tipped me over the edge. I tried to contain myself, but I just can’t do it anymore.”

You stayed silent, at a complete loss for words.

“How do you feel about that?” he asked.

“I- well, I-,” It felt like your brain was short circuiting. You finally landed on, “That makes me happy.”

Dazai chuckles softly, petting your hair.

“You’ve always had quite the way with words.”

You swatted his hands away but laughed, eyes pointed towards the ground. You had never imagined this situation actually happening and were completely unprepared. It never felt like a real possibility that Dazai would ever reciprocate.

“Can I kiss you again?” he asks.

You look back up at Dazai, into his dark eyes that gleamed, and nodded. He smirked before leaning over you again and pressing his lips to yours. His hands rested on your hips this time, gently playing with the fabric of your dress. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and stood on your toes so you could have better access, and you could feel him smile into the kiss as his hands tightened around your waist. He moved his lips to pepper kisses down your neck, making you laugh.

“Dazai, is there actually a meeting with Akutagawa?”

“Nope,” he says, gently nibbling at your neck. You had to hold back a moan.

He crowded closer into your space, pressing you harder against the wall and sliding a leg in between your thighs. You couldn’t help the deep noise that rose from your throat. Your fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck, twirling it gently. It was so soft and thick; you were honestly a little jealous. He went from sensually biting and kissing across your jaw to licking you, making you cackle. There was no scenario where Dazai could stay serious for more than ten minutes. You bit the tip of his nose, and his goofy smile brought you more happiness than you would ever admit. You still had no idea whether he was fond of you in the same way, but right then was not the time to think about that. You knew you just needed to live in the moment, cherish each kiss, every touch and commit them to memory.

“Come with me,” Dazai whispered, grabbing your wrist once again and led you down the stairs, and you went willingly this time.

He took you all the way down to the parking garage and towards his car, and you started to wonder if there actually was some sort of meeting you were attending. He unlocked the doors before falling into the driver’s seat and pulling you on top of him. You settled on top of Dazai with an oof and he chuckles, yanking the door closed. You never really were known for your gracefulness.

“Why here?” you asked.

“Where else do you propose, Kunikida’s desk? Akiko’s bloody locker?”

“The bed Naomi and Junichiro probably share.” Dazai winced but smiled.

Pulling you closer towards him so you were chest to chest, you braced your thighs around him and pressed your forehead against his. Being right on top of him meant you could feel him getting hard, seriously straining against the fabric of his khakis. You smiled devilishly as you began grinding your hips down to create friction, and he hissed.

“Fuck (y/n),” he groaned as he dug his fingers deep into the back of your thighs.

You pressed your lips against his again, missing the feeling much more than you probably should’ve. He kissed back with passion, slipping his tongue in your mouth. It was wet and messy, and saliva was dripping down your chin, but it was so much better than you had every dreamt. And you dreamt a lot. He bites your bottom lip and drags it between his teeth gently. Your hands had found their way back into his hair and gripped tightly with every move that made you jump. The groan it pulled from him each time was a nice side effect.

Dazai removed one hand from your thigh to palm your breast, massaging it gently. You inhaled sharply – this was farther than the two of you had ever gone before, but it was a very welcome change. Your hand met his and encouraged him to grasp harder. His eyes meet yours, eyebrows raised as if to ask permission. You nodded and both of you smiled as he ducked his head down to kiss your chest, trailing down slowly. When he got to the neckline of your dress, he looked up at you again. You ripped off your dress without a second thought, left only in a bra and panties.

“You are so beautiful,” he breathed, voice almost in awe. You averted your eyes and blushed. Dazai took your chin in his hand, so you had to look at him. “I’m being serious. You are so beautiful, (y/n).” His use of your name made you blush even brighter red, but you mumble a thank you. It wasn’t the first time you had heard that, but it was the first time you believed it.

With better access he continued working at your chest, pulling down your bra strips with your permission. He kissed your breast, making his way down until he reached the center. He pulled your nipple into his mouth, and you couldn’t hold back from moaning dramatically. The noise only seemed to encourage Dazai more; he alternated between biting at and gently kissing the sensitive area and you could not get enough.

As he switched his attention to your other breast, you began working at untying his tie, but somehow got it stuck.

“Uh… Dazai.”

He pulled back and looked down to see the tangled mess you had managed to create out of his simple tie.

“That’s talent, truly. I’m jealous,” he deadpans. You gasped and swatted at his head, and he couldn’t keep from laughing.

He paused to do his best to untangle the tie, and you took this time to take in the man you were currently on top of. His hair, his perfect skin, the stupid bandages wrapped around the base of his neck. The way he stuck out his tongue just a little in concentration as he worked at the tie. You adored him too much. Far too much.

Eventually he managed to free himself, and you searched his eyes for permission to unbutton his shirt. With a nod, your fingers worked diligently to pull each button out of his loop, and he helped to pull it off his body and throw it into the passenger seat. You ran your fingers delicately over the bandages and you laugh to yourself, able to hear Kunikida calling him a suicidal maniac! in your head. His eyes followed your hand as you pulled it back to yourself.

“I can take them off, if you want,” he offered.

“You really don’t have to, it’s okay, Dazai. I promise.”

He rolled his eyes affectionately before unwrapping the long stretch of bandages, and you briefly wondered how many rolls he went through each week. Once they were removed you touched the bare skin, just as soft and smooth as his cheeks.

You unhooked and discarded your bra, so you were now bare chest to chest, and it was far more intimate than you were prepared for.

He smiled before mouthing at your neck again as you palmed him through his pants. The pressure pulled a low grumble from his throat, encouraging you to massage harder. He made quick work of undoing his belt and shimmying his pants off. It was only a little funny.

Things were getting faster and more intense, and your head was spinning, but you wanted this so much. You reached your hand down and take his cock into your hand. Feeling how hard he was without having done much more than making out made you feel smug. His head fell back hard against the headrest as you pumped your hand, taking in a breath sharply. At the same time his hand wandered in between your legs, barely grazing the fabric of your panties. You wanted more, needed more, so you grinded down on his hand. He looks up at you.

“More?” he asked. You nod fiercely.

He only began rubbing lazy circles around your clit over your panties, clearly teasing you. You whined, making him smile an evil smile. He pushed his hand into your panties and actually began massaging your clit, pulling an even louder wine from you. After a bit his fingers wandered over to your hole and pushed inside you. You gasped and clenched around him. Absolutely no one’s hands were like his.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he groaned.

Soon, he brought his mouth to your ear.

“Can I fuck you?” Dazai whispered. You shuddered, a wave of desire crashing over you.

“Please.”

He had that glint in his eye that was so Dazai, and you were mesmerized.

He pulled your panties to the side, not even bothering to pull them off, and checked with you one last time before lining himself up. You sunk down onto his cock and nearly screamed, having to bite the meat of his shoulder so that the entire building couldn’t hear you. It burned but felt so good that you saw stars. You were so caught up in yourself you almost missed the ungodly face Dazai was making. You smiled and kissed his wide-open mouth.

He gave you a moment to adjust before helping you lift up and fall down on him again, and before long you fell into a steady rhythm. You had your arms wrapped around his neck tightly, nails digging into the skin of his back. Both of your moans and wet sounds filled the small car as you rode him, quickly becoming obsessed with the feeling of being completely filled by him. His mouth found your chest again and started to suck at your nipple, and this paired with him fucking you was almost too much to handle. He yanked off the necklace hanging around your neck, muttering something about it being in his way. You could not have cared less about that necklace in that moment.

Every single one of your nerve endings felt like they were on fire as he fucked you. He used his long fingers to pull your cheeks apart to give him better access so he could push his cock harder into you. You screamed and yanked at his hair, overwhelmed with the feeling.

“Dazai,” you moaned, the pitch of your voice wavering with the motion.

“Call me Osamu,” he whispered, voice deep and guttural. He pulled you down particularly hard on him then, and you were no longer in control of the noises you were making.

“Fuck- Osamu.” His first name felt unnatural yet so right in your mouth, and soon you couldn’t help but moan it over and over again.

He noticed you had started to get tired riding him, so he stilled your hips with his hands and began thrusting into you. This change in motion had him fucking into you in just the right spot. You half-screamed half-moaned as he picked up the pace, his fingers pressing deep into the soft skin of your ass.

You realized it had been a while since you had kissed, so you leaned back over to press a messy, wet kiss to the side of his mouth. Your precision skills weren’t exactly at their best then. Osamu laughed and kissed you back, clearly quite good at multitasking.

Adding on to the multitasking, his hand finds your clit and began rubbing circles. Your breath hitched as he was hitting it just right. The sensation radiated to the tips of your fingers and toes, and it wasn’t long before you hit your orgasm, screaming his name.

You guessed he was probably getting close too, as he had started thrusting into you with record speed, and you could barely catch your breath.

“Fuck, I’m so fucking close,” Osamu hissed. You smiled before leaning close to his ear.

“Come inside me,” you whispered. Osamu’s eyes went wide at that.

“Are you- sure?” he asked, breathless.

“Positive.”

He didn’t need any more encouragement after that. He pulled you back down onto his lap hard to still you as he came inside you. You peppered kisses down his neck as he moaned, a sound you only ever thought you’d hear in your dirty dreams. You could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

Once he came down, he pulled himself out, but you remained in your spot on his lap with your arms around his neck and his around your waist. Nothing was said as you both tried to catch your breath.

“That was-”

“-so good,” Osamu finished for you.

You checked the watch on your wrist, deducing it likely had been as much time as the supposed meeting would’ve taken. There was comfortable silence as you both redressed, barring Osamu whining about how badly you fucked up his tie. You just laughed as you pulled your dress back over your head and did your best to fix your hair into a relatively presentable state. He looked at you endearingly as you delicately wrapped his bandages back around his neck, which also conveniently covered the bruises you had accidentally left.

As you walked back towards the building, Osamu took your hand in his and laced your fingers together, smiling wordlessly. Your face burned but the simple gesture made your heart soar and gave you some hope. That maybe this was more than just sex.

He dropped your hand delicately before you got to the Agency office, winking at you.

He busted the door open with his foot and threw his hands up, clearly turning his Dazai back on.

“We have prevailed, the Port Mafia have been defeated!” he announced as you trailed behind him, rolling your eyes.

Kunikida looked over at you with a glare. “That meeting took you three minutes and 24 seconds too long,” he grumbled, snapping his notebook shut.

Just then Kenji is running over to you, looking distressed.

“Oh no (y/n), did Akutagawa get you bad?” he asked.

You stared at him, completely bewildered.

“Why would you think that?”

“Your necklace is gone!” he exclaimed, pointing to where the jewelry you always wore should’ve been. “Akutagawa must’ve stolen it from you!”

Your eyes widened as you realized, suddenly remembering Dazai ripping it off your neck for ‘better access.’ You completely forgot to grab it.

You heard Dazai cackling in the background from where he had returned to his spot, feet crossed on top of the desk.

“You’re damn right, Kenji. We gotta get that evil bastard back for that,” he exclaims, holding a fist in the air.

You and Kunikida groan in unison. At least Dazai was back to normal.

#dazai x reader #dazai smut #bungo stray dogs #bsd x reader #dazai osamu #sealed with a kiss ♡#flora’s fics

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agent-yolk-writes · 3 years ago

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Friends Like You and US - Venom!Reader - Chapter 8

No, I did not forget to update on Tumblr. Totally all according to plan. Expect me to catch up with what's left to post throughout the week as a christmas gift of sorts. Thank you for your continuous support!

Read in its Tumblr entirety here*

Previous Chapter*

AO3 Version here

*Link functionality may vary. Please send me a message if you're having issues. Also I'm aware of the odd spacing between words, I tried fixing most of it but there's definitely still some there

Peter Porker was many things. A pig-spider with cautious foresight was not one of them.

By all the tricks in the book, this should’ve been the part where all the scientists would conveniently step out talking about something relevant to his search (“Hey Tresse, did you see the Bets game last night?” didn’t count.) and then he kicks out the grate and begins snooping. Once he finds it, he’ll have to make a daring yet stealthy escape outta there.

Hmm...Talk about a lack of security. Not even a barely functional security camera in the corner. For a lab owned by some kajillionaire, they’re really skimping out on the security budget. Where’s the laser tripwires? The pizazz?

Good golly, this is the most boring science lab he ever had to break in! Where’s the rube goldberg of fragile lab equipment? The questionable experiments shoved in mason jars? The foreshadowing? The complex machinery and the convenient outdated computer with ‘Password’ as the password? All there is in this lab is microscopes, disappointment, and that file with a huge ‘CLASSIFIED’ stamped on the manila folder in bold, red ink sitting unattended by the fax machine.

...Oh, that might be important actually. He should take a look at that.

With careful footing, Ham zips on over to the file. Overall, the file doesn’t look too thick. If he scums through it, then he’ll be able to read all of it. What information he’ll actually retain will be a problem only future Peter can take on.

The moment he opens up the file, his mind goes blank. It practically snaps in half trying to figure out what all these long words are let alone what they actually mean. It’s going to be a lost cause if he tries to cram it all in his head like he’s studying for an exam the night before...ah, screw it! He’s going to steal it! Peni is the one with the brain cells, not him!

Does anyone object to this?

…

...

The silence is not objecting, so he should totally steal it! He slips it in his handy dandy bag of tricks for safekeeping.

Missions success! Man, this was a walk in the dog park. He should web his way back up the vents and tell the oth-

It was a miracle no one else was in the elevator when the spasms started again. You remembered gripping one of the handles before it happened, and for a moment you thought you saw your hand going through it. And for one second too many, you lost touch with all your senses.

It was another miracle you didn’t clip through the elevator.

By far, this was the worst episode you’ve experienced. If this is what you’re going through, you can only imagine what the others are going through. Not to mention the way the pain lingers for a little longer than normal. You can only hope the others are okay.

You managed to regain your senses by the time the elevator door opened. You ignored the concerned looked of the scientists that were waiting for the elevator as you pushed through them without a word. There was no time for barely passing persuasion checks, it’s time to put on your serious face and power through like a law office intern.

You only know about Alchemax in your home life because they would sometimes send contract help to your aunt’s company should they need additional hands despite interns being a thing. Mary would do it on occasion just for the extra cash and that was it. It was usually clerical work or double-checking someone’s math from what she told you. Very disappointing in prospect, but it is what it is.

The only thing that’s preventing you from getting into the actual lab is yet another card swipe away. Who would’ve thought that your own guest ID, programmed primarily to get around Mary’s workplace, wouldn't work here?

“Well...I didn’t think this far.” You muttered. As much as barging in there sounded so tempting, you don’t want to ruin this for all the bystanders that’ll be involved. Plus your aunt won’t have her specialized job anymore if they were smart enough.

You were about to phone Peni to see if she can hack her way had it not been the soft sound of entry confirmation. In a bout of confusion, you looked at the hand that had a very stolen ID from one of the scientists you passed by. Whoever this Treece person was, you hope they don't realize what was missing.

But how…

You’re welcome.

Ah, you shouldn’t be too surprised by that now. Looks like you’re in the belly of the beast, and there’s no telling if you can make it out as safely as you got in.

Still, there’s no way of telling where in the world your teammate could be. You tried to consult your artificial sixth sense, but all you get is a dull tingle in the back of your neck. Wait, that might just be your anxiety. Looks like it’s going to be that kind of day, it seems.

You press into your ear. “C’mon, Ham. Tell us something...please.” You muttered. Of course, all you get in response is nothing...not even static. All you could do was quicken your pace, hoping you could outrun the fear before it has a chance to settle in your shared stomach.

As you turn a certain corner, your nose picks up something that almost sends you reeling. You had to close your nose as the onslaught of unknown chemicals mixed together in the once sterile air. It’s so potent that it made you gag. Guess this Alchemax branch wasn’t all cubicles, it seems. With chances of smelling your swine companion dashed, you pressed on.

Unfortunately, your eyes (Venom’s eyes?) began to wander over the passing lab doors. It, in all honesty, was disappointing that it was just thick doors with a small tinted glass window built in just above all the safety procedure signs. And of course, they all require an ID card to get inside. You could try opening all the doors willy nilly, but that could be more of a risk than anything.

“(First Name), look.” Venom whispered into your unplugged ear. “Over there.” He guides your head to something on the floor just a few feet away. It was small, possibly broken. It absolutely stood out from the bleach-white floor. Getting a closer look at it gave you a realization that you really didn’t want to know at the moment. You crouched down to pick it up.

You know what it was, there’s no use to denying it. As if your mind was craving for some kind of closure, you pinched your earbud out to get a side by side comparison. True to your intuition, it was indeed the matching earbuds Peni provided for all of you. Small, but just big enough to have that spider logo that mech of her donned.

Before the morbid clarification could really sink in, you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. Not the most appropriate time to be checking your messages, but it’ll make you feel better just in case the files you sent somehow didn’t go through.

maryyy: Tysm dear! youre my hero :-D you can pick dinner when i get back

maryyy: (thinking emoji) A dr. lester? (thinking emoji) no clue. asked some co-workers here if they know but theyy said nothing about a

maryyy: BRB, alarm’s going off

You: are u ok?

maryyy: Yes, but this doesn’t sound like a fire alarm.

maryyy: Sounds more frantic, like there was a robbery or smth. (shrug emoji) probably no big deal, but I have to follow procedure.

maryyy: Will call you l8r, love you! <3 (kissy face emoji x2)

While her answer sounded innocent enough, you could feel the goosebumps forming on your skin. Outside of the scientists you encountered earlier, there hasn’t been any notable signs of life in this lab. The holidays happened weeks ago, so who-

Look out!

You’re unable to process your body bending backwards in such an inhuman way, the wall to your right starting to open up with a myriad of bullet holes decorating it. The suddenness of it all made you lose your grip on your communicator in favor of Venom using it to support your shared body up. You could feel your voice making a sound equivalent to a surprised shriek, but the frantic beating of your heart was louder in your ears.

Oh, now your spidey-senses go off. This damn thing needs to get recalibrated.

It was a struggle trying to get back on your feet as more bullets ripped from the wall. It was starting to become a dangerous version of Twister at this rate. Some did manage to scrape your arms and legs, but it was healed as quickly as the damage was inflicted.

As the wall began to open up more, you could see more clearly the violent shenanigans that were occurring on the other side. The bouncing ball of red and blue, who you can only deduce to be your very alive swine companion, was up against someone who really needs to practice his aim. Through the holes, you can see the primarily black with white decal suit that practically screamed he’s a bad guy.

There were two notable things about this guy. The first thing you notice is that black and white bullseye logo that practically stands out right on his forehead. The second thing...the realization of it filled your shared body with dread. He smelled strongly like sulfur, charcoal, and potassium nitrate. If you remember correctly, those are the main ingredients used for gunpowder.

Dr. Lester also smelt like gunpowder when he entered your aunt’s office.

That’s no doctor. That’s a villain, and he tried to steal something from your aunt while she was away. The thought alone almost made you see red.

“A little help here, new kid!” Ham notices you through the wall, interrupting your internal buildup for carnage. “I’m starting to run outta jokes! Believe me, I’m not a good punchline either!””

Vee, mask!

On it!

You charged towards the tattered wall, breaking it down completely the moment Venom encased your body with your signature suit. You could only hope the dust and debris was enough of a distraction to grab Spider-Ham and high tail it out of there. Fingers instinctively reached for your communicator when you realized- shit! You realized that you dropped it so you wouldn’t get shot. Ham, on the other hand, could only blow a raspberry at the assailant from under your armpit.

Why couldn’t things be easier?! You screamed internally.

This floor is like a goddamn labyrinth all the sudden. There’s no indicator on where a possible exit could be. All you can do is shoot webs blindly and hope it lands somewhere important to the crazed killer behind you.

“What do we do?” You asked at Ham pretty loudly.

“I don’t know! I just do something that I think is funny!” He fired back. “We gotta ditch this guy first! I can’t think while being shaken like a baby.”

“What do you think we’re doing, then?!”

You pivoted on your heel to face your pursuer. In a fit of frustration, you threw Ham at him like a football. That’s right, you yeeted the pig right on the enemy's noggin. You could hear your partner’s confused screaming and the sound of the collision of cartoon meeting bones. Bullseye, his name henceforth, was obviously caught off guard by the sudden attack. You could see him stumbling back and grabbing at his head. Ham’s body squished and bounced off him like a rubber ball, making it easier to catch him and continue your escape out of here before Bullseye’s ass made contact with the ground. It wasn’t enough to punch his lights off, definitely, but it’ll give you two some extra time before he hunts you down.

It became clear, however, that there’s no way of getting out of here safely. Not in this direction, at least. So now the two of you ran into the closest lab and promptly barricaded the wall using whatever was available. Once it was clear that there was no way anyone could get in, you let out a sigh you didn’t believe you were holding.

Holy shit. You didn’t want to do that again.

The moment of silence and clarity was quickly ruined by Ham karate chopping you right in the middle of your forehead. “Ow! What was that for?” You complained.

“For using me like a boomerang! Do you know how much it cost to animate and render all those moves I had to do?”

“Uh…” For two beings sharing a body, your mind is practically empty. “Got me. Look, sorry that I used you as a weapon. We-We panicked, okay? Hopefully we didn’t, like, break anything important.”

Ham’s facial expression lit up as he remembered something. He dove his hand into an unknown pocket and pulled out a manilla folder. It’s a little bent in the corners, but going by the big, red, and bolden text that read ‘CLASSIFIED’ on the cover, it had to be important.

“I managed to snatch this!” He exclaimed. He opened the folder and skimmed through the pages nonchalantly. “And if I’m reading this right, it looks like Kingpin’s up to something.”

“Define ‘something'.”

“Hang on, there’s a whole lot of mumbo jumbo about quantum physics and nanomachines...Aha! Here it is...in collaboration with Dr. Olivia Octavius and Wilson Fisk, Alchemax is working on a…’Super Collider’? That would...open a window to parallel worlds...” He continues reading, eyes slowly scrunching up. “...It is unknown at this time if retrieving personnel from one of these parallel worlds will have any consequences, short-term or long-term. Testing is currently being conducted.” Both of you stare at each other with bewilderment.

“Parallel worlds?” You repeated. “Could it be...why all you guys are here? And-” Your arms spasmed out in it’s typical glitchy fashion. “...That? Hold on.” You crawled over to Ham to take a look at the files. “There has to be a way to stop it. Like a-a-a switch or something?”

“I’m getting there, I’m getting there.” Ham flips a few more pages. “Let’s see...there is a failsafe inside the Collider just in case, but…”

“But what?”

The barricaded door rattled abruptly, making you let out a small shriek. God damn it, how did he find you guys already?!

“Shit, we have to get out of here. Now.” You said as you got up. “There has to be a way out of here.” With frantic steps, you look around the lab to see what you can use with Ham in tow. There’s a vent up on the ceiling, but it’s too small for you.

You got to be shitting me!

Calm down.

I am calm!

You're not calm at all. Let’s be real here, you can’t overpower Bullseye without exposing Venom. It’s been too long since you’ve properly ‘ate’ too, so even then you’re not at full power. Your back, quite literally, is against the wall this time.

Ham, meanwhile, had his head against the wall. It was like he was searching for something. Before you could even think about asking, a literal lightbulb turns on above him.

“I got it!” He said. “I know a way out! Rookie, put your ear to the wall.” You did so, trying to push away the nickname he gave you for another time.

You tried to ignore the rampant thoughts of your internal companion asking you why you are putting an ear to the wall. You weren’t sure yourself. All you can hear is pipes, machinery, electricity, and the howling wind.

Wait…wind?

“...Oh. My god.” You couldn’t help but blurt out. “Ham, don’t tell me…”

Ham looked pretty smug at his idea. “That’s right! We’re breaking out of this joint!”

“But-But how?” You flinched when the door gets slammed again, this time you definitely heard furniture being moved.

“With this!” He pulls open his pants with one hand and searches for something with another. You couldn’t believe it when you saw it, but he pulled out a battering ram. It even had the face of a ram at the end. “The ol’ reliable!” He spat on his hands and lathered them up grossly. “Alright, rookie. It’s time for your first lesson. Ever heard of the rule of threes?”

“No?”

“Well too bad. The best way to learn is by doing it on the job while under intense pressure!” The door got slammed again, this time you could hear the audible groans of the furniture being moved from the force. “Now come help me. This thing’s heavy.” With an annoyed sigh, you complied.

Good lord, this thing weighs a ton! How did this pig manage to move around with this in his pants?

“Alrighty. When I say ‘go’, we’re going to ram this into the wall as hard as we-GO!” Ham didn’t even wait for you to process what he said as both of you proceeded to try and knock the wall down.

The first strike made a lot of damage to the wall, and certainly a lot of noise, but it wasn’t enough to tear it down, much to your chagrin. You didn’t have time to finish cursing under your breath as the door gets closer to being kicked down.

Thankfully you were prepared mentally for the second go about on the wall. The hole was definitely starting to cave in, but it needs more force to really crack it open.

“Alright. This time should do the trick.” You tried to convey a panicked expression through your mask as Ham spoke. “We gotta give it our all, or else we’re gonna be chop liver.”

You, ever the ray of sunshine, asked “But what if it doesn’t?”

“You gotta believe in yourself. That’s all it is, kid, a leap of faith.” Those words rang in your head for only a second, but it was enough to adjust your grip on the battering ram. With a nod to your semi-mentor, the two of you faced the soon to be broken wall.

“Okay, on the count of three. Ready? One…”

“Two…"

“THREE!”

You could only hear your heart thumping hard as you charged towards the wall. You didn’t not stop, you couldn’t stop. You just kept running until you heard a louder crack than the first attempt. You thought you could hear the door behind you finally forced open, but you couldn’t look back as there’s nothing under your feet to stop you from free falling.

Before you could shoot a web to stabilize yourself, a painful spasm tore through your body. If you thought every nerve in your body lit up before, then you’re practically on fire now. Under the roaring whips of wind, you could hear Venom making a noise before going quiet. As you reached your hand to shoot a web again, an ice-cold shock formed in your belly as you saw your skin rather than your Venomized suit.

This isn’t funny, Vee. We need the suit. You said with panic laced in your thoughts.

He doesn’t respond. You could still feel him bonded to you.

Vee? You called to him again.

Nothing. Tears form on your face, but they are quickly dried by the wind smacking at your unprotected face.

“VENOM!” Your cry out to your unconscious friend was drowned out as you plummet to your demise.

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forestwater87 · 3 years ago

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Okay, for all of you who don't feel like watching Miles RP as David

Here are some of my favorite quotes. Context may be added if I feel like it. Reactions are my goblin brain screaming. All of these came from a discord so if they don't make sense . . . see goblin brain comment.

(That link should start directly at the point where he becomes David; if it doesn't, skip to 1:40:33)

In roughly chronological order:

David: "Teachers are sort of like camp counselors during the rest of the year."

The thing is David is absolutely up his own ass enough to think this.

David: "Trail mix is expensive!"

^ said to show he understands why not everyone can donate to the charity for teachers. Very adorable, am crying.

David's "ooooh" seeing one dude was extremely non-heterosexual. Fucking bicon. Him losing his mind that one of the arenas is called "Survey camp"

David: "A person's hitting me -- I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry this is just pretend!"

This is just canonically how David plays video games. Either this or he's unwilling to commit violence at all, but I'll defer to Miles.

David: "That's very goat of you!"

Spencer: "Is David popular amongst his campers?"

David: "I like to think so! There's only 3 staff members, so I'm definitely in everyone's top 3."

"That also means you're in the bottom 3."

David: "Well, I choose not to think of it that way."

(I have to keep adding reacts so you can tell when one quote ends and another begins. Judge not lest ye be judged)

I think the other person in the stream is named Spencer. Friend of Miles. I know literally nothing else about him and am not even confident on those facts.

Every time he says something so non-David in his David voice I die: "I have a lot of grenades!"

David: "Oh my goodness, would you look at this beautiful scenery! Can we hike that mountain?"

This is so goddamn cute. I am dying. Miles looked at his fans and said "they will eat tonight" and I am so relieved.

David: "Not to be a couple of Greedy Garys, but I say we get this [care package] and then I'll drop another one!"

The fact that Miles is grinning like a lunatic the entire time is very good. (Also if this is formatted badly then I'm sorry but not all that sorry. I'm doing my best and David would be proud of me.)

David: "Didja getim? Didja getim? didja getim? How 'bout now?"

Spencer: "I didn't get 'em."

David: "Well, you tried your best and that's all that matters."

He calls healing "a little health kiss." I'm not sure why but it's very important to me.

David: [while jumping to murder someone] "Hi! Scuse me!"

(i just need something to separate the quotes okay)

David: "Well you know what gang, we did our best. You don't always win the 3-legged race. You did a wonderful job!"

Then there's a bit where they talk about Spencer's time at summer camp:

David: "ooooh hand-holding's pretty serious!"

David is too pure.

David: [dreamily] "Did you fall in love, Spencer? A summer love?" [puts hands up to his face]

Then there's the fact that David/Miles gets to pick where they play each round, and he keeps insisting on going to the one called "Survey Camp" every single time because it has the word "camp" in it.

David: "Now, I don't like to disagree, but . . . I was thinking we could go . . . to Survey Camp!"

Spencer reminds him that technically since David's the one with the power to choose, his opinion is the only one that matters:

David: "Everyone's opinion matters. And my opinion is we're going to camp."

David just steamrolling over Spencer's interests is very good. There are these little selfish nuggets sprinkled in among the wholesomeness that really capture the full David experience.

David: "Well, he's climbing up . . . he's coming my direction . . . oh, he looks scary . . ."

Spencer: "Is he coming towards me?"

David: "Oooh, I don't know. I'm dead!"

The positivity is relentless. I think Miles said on twitter afterwards that this whole thing was exhausting and I can see why. Being David is no picnic . . .

David: "I have a question: do we have to shoot each other in this game?"

And then a few seconds later:

David: "I'm just wondering if maybe there's a way we can, you know, help others. Talk through our issues."

And a few seconds after that:

David: "I was asking if they wanted to be friends in the game!"

I believe that moved killed him, too. Precious.

Also we're interrupting the real Miles!David content to share something my friend suggested to me while I was watching this and giving her quotes; she said that maybe David just calls everything camp to make life more fun, and then sent me this imaginary exchange that actually killed me all the way to death:

David: Gwen Santos would you go to marriage camp with me

Gwen: I'm going to have to change this story when I tell everyone

It made me laugh quite a bit.

Anyway, back to the video!

Spencer: "How do you sign up for [Camp Campbell]?"

David: "Well, um, you can fax, uh, an application to [email protected]. And . . . you can know that myself and Gwen and Quartermaster and sometimes Mr. Campbell will do our best to make sure they get what they need! Which more than anything is love and support. And friendship."

Spencer: "How many dollars does this camp cost?"

David: "You know . . . it is, um . . ."

And then the conversation switches subjects and David breathes a sigh of relief.

Very shortly after this he changed his character from a woman (she was wearing a yellow shirt, which he liked because the campers wear yellow shirts) to "a Forward Scout with a positive attitude!"

"I like his style."

Spencer: "Does everybody abuse David verbally?"

David: "You know, sometimes people have harsh words. Mostly Max, and Neil, and Gwen, and Quartermaster, and Nurf."

Spencer: "Did you just list almost everyone?"

David: "Mmm . . . I'd say maybe a third."

Poor David. Somebody please protect him.

Spencer: "Yeah, I think people abuse David. I get that vibe. Or at least, I feel it in my heart. Like I wanna put ants in your bunk or something."

David: "Well, I think that says more about maybe some of the hurt you're carrying with you. And sometimes when people don't know how to process that, they act out. Do you want some trail mix?"

David just said his favorite part of trail mix is the raisins which is so cute. "They have a little bit of salt on them, which isn't typical for a raisin."

And he keeps telling chatters to watch their language.

David: "Who is my favorite camper? Aww, you know I couldn't pick a favorite! . . . But I know who has the most potential, even if he doesn't want to admit it."

I KNEW IT!!!!!

I've been saying for years that David doesn't have a favorite and gravitates towards the ones he thinks need him the most AND I FINALLY GOT ONE RIGHT!

David: "Well you know, Gwen swears and that's okay."

shipping intensifies

David: [gasp] "The moss is growing on the north side of the rock!"

Every time he nerds out about weird shit in the game I gain 3 seconds to my life.

Spencer: "Did you get teabagged?"

David: "What's that?"

Spencer: "It's where somebody places their most intimate bits on you for . . . friendship."

David: [softly] "Oh, I don't know about that."

Also David confirms that the whole show has been a single summer, so please see the "vindication" gif above.

David: "I know a lot of fun camp songs."

Spencer: "Sing 3."

David: [starts singing] "Bum-bum-bumblebee, bumblebee tuna, I love bumblebee, bumblebee tuna . . ."

Spencer: "Okay, please stop. I immediately regret this decision."

David: "Max said the same thing! One of my campers. And, uh, and my co-counselor, Gwen."

He's literally made of sunshine. I would die for this fictional man.

Spencer: "Are people at camp against their will? I feel like they are."

David: "No! . . . They don't always like it immediately, but it grows on them."

Spencer: "It sounds like they're there against their will."

David: "Well I just think that's a negative way of looking at it."

FWIW Spencer makes an excellent foil to David. Not as aggressive as Max or as dour as Gwen, but he brings a very . . . like, straight-man energy to the conversation. Like how a normal person would react to David IRL. I'd enjoy seeing these two interact more.

Spencer: "It's like your overpositivity is wanting me to balance it out with negativity."

David: "You know, I feel like that dynamic's pretty popular with me."

eeeeeeee <3

And the last one that I personally found noteworthy:

David: "One day we'll be able to afford safety equipment. Until then, we'll just have to deal with Quartermaster's Ropes Course. And a lot of pillows."

There's point near the last 20 minutes where either it got kinda boring or I just got too tired to keep track. But if there are any quotes you think I missed, please share them! This was a really lovely bit of content to feed our starving maw, and I appreciate Miles very very very much for taking one for the team.

#campcamp #camp camp #cc david #roosterteeth #rooster teeth #miles luna #this isn't content #it's more like a public service #also i threw the gwenvid in like the trash goblin I am

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