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n0wornever · 4 years ago

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Big Reputation - Luke Patterson x Reader

Can u do a luke x reader where luke pretends to be a bad student (helps with his rockstar reputation) but is actually really good at school subjects. The reader has been having trouble in a class and luke is recruited by the teacher to tutor her?

I LOVE THIS IDEA I’M SQUEALING, THANKS ANON, I hope you like it!

“Y/N, I’m sorry...there isn’t much else I can do to help you dear,” Ms. Clementine said, staring up at the girl with wide eyes. “All my tutoring sessions are booked up for the next week or so, but I will try to definitely get you in the next time around?”

The girl nodded, sliding her test with bright red F spilled across the top back into her hands. She had failed another math test and she was certain that her mother was going to go ballistic as soon as she walked in the door and showed her the most recent mark she’d received. She really did try to focus this time, but her brain couldn’t seem to calculate the formulas correctly no matter how hard she tried.

“The good news is, is that we still have several other homework assignments and three more tests coming up, you have a lot of time to make up your grade.”

Y/N tried to gather her burgeoning negative thoughts as she forced a smile onto her face. She held the paper to her chest as she paced quickly toward the door. As her eyes turned toward the open hallway, her path was blurred by a vision in all black.

She recognized the boy in front of her, Luke Patterson. His band had recently made their big break and opened for a late night show at The Orpheum and ever since, the school had been buzzing about the band members. He was in three of her classes, and although he seemed very charismatic on stage, he sat pretty still in class. She did take note that his posse was absent from this course, and they were rarely ever seen away from each other. Her eyes fell to the rings resting against his knuckles that were pinched in a soft fist and his chain that rattled against his black cargo pants before her view shifted to his face.

Luke studied her with cautious eyes, his lips pulled straight across in an emotionless gaze. She quickly pointed her attention back toward the door and started walking faster. As she finally hit the open doorframe, a voice called her back inside the room.

“Y/N, wait just a moment please.”

She spun around on her heels, eyes falling on the teacher’s beckoning hand. She walked slowly up to her desk, keeping her distance from the brooding student that stood to her left. Ms. Clementine pointed at Luke with a smile before addressing her again.

“Y/N, you know my star student Luke Patterson... right?”

Star student? She questioned internally. It wasn’t that she had ever thought that Luke was dumb. She took notice to how quickly he finished exams and how often people asked to be paired with him for group work, but she assumed it was always to schmooze him for tickets to the next Sunset Curve show, not to raise their grades. Luke’s lyrics were always ripe with rebellion, so the idea of the eyeliner-clad, angst-driven teen being anything more that sticking to the status quo in terms of high school academia.

The older woman pointed between the two students, that knowing grin still laid on her face.

“I have an idea that may help both of you,” She said as she tapped her pen against the wood desk below her.

“Y/N you do need help with raising your grades...”

Y/N shifted her weight to her other foot as she listened to her teacher talk, refusing to make eye contact with the boy she could already feel staring at her.

“And Patterson over here needs a stellar recommendation letter to get into that ivy league program.”

The girl’s eyes shifted over to him, his falling toward the window. Ivy league? She wasn’t even sure that Luke would go to college with the band taking off. Y/N’s eyes fell onto the reddish hue that took over the boy’s neck as he continued to refrain from making eye contact. Y/N looked back over at her teacher, who shook her head at the boy before shifting her eyes back to the girl.

“So I think that it would be a perfect plan for both you and for Luke here,” The boy’s eyes fell back toward the conversation at hand. “Is for him to be your new tutor!”

Luke opened his mouth seemingly to protest, but Ms. Clementine placed her hand up, silencing him.

“Luke, I would be able to writing a glowing review of the extra time that you took to help a fellow student, and Y/N here could pass my class with flying colors with your assistance!” The woman clapped her hands in glee as she spoke.

Y/N’s gaze crawled over to him again. His eyes were firmly planted on the floor with his fists now tightly wound at his sides. The room went silent for a moment as neither student replied. Y/N looked back over to her teacher with pleading eyes and the older woman turned to the boy. As she was about to speak, Luke’s head perked up and he nodded.

“Are you free at 3 on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays?”

The girl swallowed hard, unable to formulate her next thought. Instead, she simply nodded in his direction. His gaze swirled around her face for a moment before her gave her a quick smile. If she would have blinked, she’d probably had missed it. But it’s quick presence still sizzled enough to warm her cheeks.

“Cool, I’ll meet you at the library then, starting today.”

With that he stuck his hands in his pockets and moved toward his desk. Y/N turned to the right to thank her teacher before scurrying out of the classroom. Her brain started spiraling the moment she entered the crowded hallway, her eyes searching for her best friend Grace.

She saw the girl leaning against the stairwell in front of her, scrolling through her phone. Y/N practically ran to her friend, almost taking her down to the ground as she grabbed the girl’s arms as she reached her. Grace looked at her wide-eyed with a smirk on the left side of her face sliding forward at the nervous state Y/N presented back to her, hands. shaking at her sides as she released her grip on her.

“What is up with you, incredible hulk,” Grace asked, rubbing up and down on her arms.

Y/N pulled her into the less rowdy side hallway in a huff. The girl pulled her taller friend behind her, leading her to the outdoor plaza in the middle of the school, Grace giggling as she trailed along. As they made it to their final destination, she leaned against the window as she crossed her arms at her chest, waiting for her best friend’s urgent answer. Y/N took a second to catch her breath before talking.

“I,” She took in breath of fresh air, pointing a finger toward her awaiting friend. “Ms. Clementine assigned a new tutor to me to help with my grades.”

Grace rolled her eyes “That’s what all this fuss is about?”

Y/N shook her head, leaning next to her friend. She turned to face her with wide eyes.

“My tutor is, Luke Patterson.”

Grace’s mouth gaped open, staring at the girl. She pushed off the wall and walked in front of her friend.

“You mean Sunset Curve’s Luke Patterson?” She tapped her finger against her chin. “Huh, I never took him for a scholar.”

“Me either,” Y/N whispered, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

“Why are you so nervous? You two barely know each other...” Grace asked with an eyebrow raised.

Y/N sighed loudly. She knew that she barely knew him, but that’s exactly what made it so nerve-wracking. She was okay hanging out one-on-one with people she knew quite well, but the second she was left alone with a stranger she froze like an icicle in the middle of December.

“Exactly Grace! I don’t know him, you remember the last time with that group project?”

Grace nodded, letting a little giggle escape her lips “You mean when you almost had a panic attack on Reggie’s kitchen floor because he asked you what you thought about the slideshow he created?”

“EXACTLY,” Y/N was shouting at this point, running her hands through her hair.

Grace looked at her friend with a sympathetic smile. She moved back over to the window to sit next to her, the girl’s head falling onto her shoulder.

“It will be okay love, you can text me at any moment you’re feeling anxious, and excuse yourself to the bathroom. I’ll stick around for an hour after school just to make sure you’re alright.”

Y/N took a deep breath, mumbling a thank you in her best friend’s direction and Grace placed a kiss on the girl’s head.

Y/N headed over to the library exactly five minutes before three. As she walked in, she waved at the librarian that often let Grace and her avoid the cafeteria by turning a blind eye as they ate their sandwiches in between the stacks. Finding an open spot by the window, she set her bookbag on top of the empty table. She took out her textbooks and sank down, finally let herself rest against the chair.

At exactly 3 p.m., he walked in. He met her gaze with wide eyes, shaking his head at her. She tilted her head to the side as she watched him speedwalk toward her. He grabbed her book off the table and tapped against the hardwood.

“Nope, too public, come on.”

She stood up and grabbed her bag, throwing it over her shoulder, rushing to keep up with him. She followed him down the narrow corridor toward the bathrooms. She furrowed her brows in confusion as Luke turned to her. He pointed at a door on the lefthand side and then stepped forward to push it open. The small stairwell led them down to the basement where a lot of the archived newspapers and anthologies were stored. Y/N could smell the books as soon as she entered the room, letting her eyes closed as she breathed in their scent.

Luke slammed her book down on the table near the film reading machine and smiled sheepishly at her. She moved toward the other side of the table and sat down without another word. Luke eased into the chair across from her, leaning his head against his fist resting on the table.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly.

She turned to meet his eyes, biting down on her bottom lip. “Is this where you kill me?”

Luke’s face broke out into a full smile at that point, unable to hold back the full-blown cackle that racked through his ribs. She watched as his head fell back as he laughed, letting a small smile fall onto her lips too. As he rose to meet her eyes again, the smile stayed.

“You’re funny, huh?”

When she didn’t answer, he spoke up again. “I don’t want people to getting the wrong idea.”

“What, that you’re a secret genius? How terrible!”

She shrugged, pursing her lips as her shoulders rose. Luke’s jaw locked as he looked at her for another moment, a smirk rising to the right side of his face.

The silence hung a bit too long and Y/N knew her cheeks were growing redder by the minute. She shifted her focus back to the textbook below her.

“So, where do you want to start?”

She forced her eyes to meet his again and his regular scowl was back in rotation. He placed his pencil behind his ear, looking off into the corner of the room for a moment before holding her gaze again.

“Next week’s quiz is the last one on chapter 9, so let’s start there.”

She nodded at him, flipping the book open and diverting her gaze to the pages of text. She heard his voice ask a question over her head.

“What’s the most difficult question for you on the last homework assignment?”

She chewed on her bottom lip, if she was honest, she’d say all of it. But she knew they only had an hour a day, three days a week. So she pulled out her marked up piece of notebook paper. She tried to hold it close to her to hide the red from his eyes, but she knew the marker ran through the paper. She gave in and laid the paper flat on the table, and pointed to the fourth problem in the first row.”

“Probably question D, I don’t even remember her talking about this ever??”

He leaned over her shoulder, looking at her paper. She tried not to think about the woodsy aroma of his cologne that wafted close to her as he did, trying to focus her attention the paper shaking in her hand.

“Ahhh no, that’s a tough one.”

He leaned back over to his side, pulled out his red folder and brought out the same worksheet. She watched as he looked over his work before turning to her again. He looked over to her paper and read over the equation she had written. Y/N let her eyes gaze over to the clock on the wall, not wanting to watch as he realized how terrible she really was at math.

“You literally made the tiniest mistake,” he said with a chuckle.

She turned her head and looked at him, his crooked smile directed right at her. She look of confusion fell into a pout as she tilted her head at him. He pointed down at the paper and walked her through the entire problem. As they reached the end, Y/N fell back into her chair with a groan.

“You’re literally telling me I just forgot to carry the 1?” She said as she nervously gnawed at the end of her pencil.

He squinted one eye as he braced for his next statement. “Afraid so, that seems to be the only issue with your process.”

She lifted her head to the ceiling, shaking it as she laughed angrily at herself. As her gaze fell back to the table, she saw him already looking at her with a strange look, his eyes were wide and the line across his forehead sat tensed.

“What?” She asked, letting her hands rest on the table.

“You’re a little too hard on yourself.”

That statement sent a shock through her system. His soft eyes and worried gaze was galaxies beyond what she expected Luke Patterson to be like. Her eyes fell to his hand where his fingers anxiously tapped against the table. He was waiting for her to respond. She pulled herself together, meeting his eyes again with a forced grin pulling at her lips.

“No, it’s just that....I’m just really bad at math.”

Luke peered over to her paper again and her heartbeat rose. She watched as he scanned all the bright little dots and checkmarks before returning his eyes back to her face.

“No, like a lot of this stuff is really easy to fix.” His hand moved to point at a problem. “You just get to about the middle and slip up a bit, which derails the final answer. Totally fixable, you’re on the right track.”

She shook her head at him “Why are you being so nice to me?”

He let out another laugh, eyes crinkling at the impact. “Did you expect me to be terribly mean?”

She paused for a moment, word vomit spilling out from her mouth without giving her a warning.

“Honestly? Yeah, a little bit.”

Luke brought his elbow up to the table, letting his cheek rest inside his hand. He let a small smile spread across his face as he looked at her, biting down on his bottom lip.

“I do love to prove people wrong, so I’m going to take your wide-eyed look of confusion as a compliment.”

She immediately dropped her gaze, giggling down at the table. She looked back up and his eyes were on the stacks, monitoring the collection of old papers that lined the shelves.

“You know, I don’t think it makes you less rock and roll to be good in school,” She finally said, her tone coming out in a soft whisper. “You don’t need to hide in the basement of the library.”

His gaze pointed back at her and she immediately stiffened. She had pushed too far, she thought as she looked at his pensive face. But a smile fell onto his cheeks quickly after, sending a sigh of relief though her.

“You’re probably right,” He admitted, leaning back in his chair. “But I’m not necessarily hiding anymore with you here.”

The left side of her mouth rose as she held his gaze. The two sat in silence, staring dreamily at one another for a moment. Finally Luke broke the silence by clearing his throat and looking at toward her worksheet again.

“Ready to try another one?”

She let her eyes fall on his side profile for a moment before responding.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

She waited to hear that chuckle again before looking down at the paper in front of her again.

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#luke patterson #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson imagine #luke patterson fanfiction #jatp #julie and the phantoms

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marimopeace · 3 years ago

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d. gray-man still fucks me up...

in the best of ways, even after all these years plus breaks on my end as a fan and hoshino's circumstances.

loved all things gothic and fantasy in middle school to escape my life via power-wielding teens (i.e. 07-ghost, pandora hearts, soul eater, karneval, hakkenden, etc.) and d.gray-man was huge for me since i was still in a phase where i was binging all the long anime series i could since it gave my attn span something to latch onto and be immersed in for a good amount of time. tbh i can't tell if my attn span has gotten even shorter considering i usually substitute streaming social media videos over tv nowadays or better since i'm able to better sustain interests in specific niche things?

i switched to consuming content on a more seasonal basis in high school but i became more of a manga reader so at the time i was still on the nose for the rare new d.gray-man chapter. i was so excited for when hallow was announced! i think the hallow promo visuals + posters were some of the last things i shared on my old tumblr blog actually lmao. didn't love hallow as a show but i loved it for what it brought back to me in terms of bringing hoshino's drawings to life via sound + color and seeing ppl turn into fans via gifs in comment sections. that's part of the reason why the furuba reboot meant a lot to me too tbh! always so nice when you can see new and old fans come together to show artists the love they deserve <3

took a break from d.gray-man specifically since the searching for a.w. arc was just a lot for me to take in chapter by chapter since it was hard to keep track of intricate plot details without needing to re-read some chapters for every release and that's not how i enjoy content personally. and i guess from there life just kind of ? came and went? college + growing up in general with new life obligations have changed the way i pursue entertainment aha.

i don't know what switched it on but i ended up spending this past weekend going through everything from scratch! i haven't sat down to marathon 100+ chapters/episodes of anything in a long time since i either keep up with shorter serials now or keep up with things on a monthly basis and wowwww the immersion hit different this time fr XD i swear i felt like a kid again!

but wow going through the entire manga + anime bit by bit from my new position in life really made me appreciate hoshino's storytelling a lot more; it's not so much that the plot of d.gray-man aged well, but that the whole series works together to tell one of the most cohesive stories i've seen for a fantasy shonen (esp with such a young protagonist--allen is the age of a high school sophomore!!!!!! a literal child!!!! someone be on his side kthxJohnny).

when i say i went through bit by bit i MEAN IT i fully had a list of episodes via wikipedia out and i was going through chapter arcs as they were recreated in the old anime series i went in completely XD god i'm crazy.

but it felt so sweet and so wonderful to dive into the adventure head-on.

i'm trying to do the same with the hallow sequel but reading/watching d.gray-man like this is really making me see how rushed it was ^^; it's taking more chapters to get to where each episode of hallow ends and i get why hoshino was so peeved with both shows now to be honest for the out of order details or skipping of content.

i'm also really resonating with hoshino's anger towards TMS for the hallow promo materials and i get why she went as far as to shoot their bank accounts in the foot bc the way i started tearing up during hallow episode 6 with talk of the lotus, flashbacks, and the hand reaching up to the sky....ㅠㅠ #bigoop

kanda shouldn't have been shoved into a yaoi narrative for the sake of money (nor allen esp considering his age) since it completely goes against his character arc and everything he is with alma. i'm getting so fucked up by their past lives' love story and their current again like when i say the tears i'm shedding come from something so old and deep inside of me ㅠㅠ (oh lorde it's so sad!!)

i had to pause my marathon since i spent my monday without wifi bc of a storm in my area and it'll prob be a while until i can finish re-reading/watching until the end of hallow. i'm excited to read new saying goodbye to a.w chapters though! i know it'll definitely be worth waiting these past few years <3 seeing allen's character growth as he matured as a "destroyer who saves" and how he grapples w mana's influence is fascinating and exploring the nitty-gritty of the morality that pervades the Black Order is just! ugh love this kind of worldbuilding with strong characters sm

planning this next content binge will be tricky though since i meant to catch up on the furuba reboot before it ends next week...welp i'll see how this goes ^^;

// time to get to writing this thesis marimo! //

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the-fandom-is-now-my-life · 4 years ago

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Hc inverse au! Fem Reader in Victorian era England and ynm characters are in our time.

You are a character in an anime and ynm are in real life

Williams

( he seems like the type to be into really dense, historical mangas)

He first read a manga featuring you when one of his students left their copy on their desk and he had to overview some students while they were using the presentation room.

He mostly just sat in the first row while the group of teens were recording hamlet for the theater class.

He didn't really took the story seriously so he started reading a lady who was trying to seduce a noble for a few pages, he was about to leave the manga given that he supposed it was a hentai but when you poisoned them with the wine cup he found it interesting

The main character had a set of very strong ideals that weren't so common in the historical context, be it strip nobles and royals from benefits, be a suffragette, or something similar .He ate the manga in five minutes

When he returns home (and leaves the item in lost objects, ofc) he checks online to buy the first volume to see if the background and sort are interesting along with every other volume and official light novel and Novella . He usually isn't home from very early to very late at night so it would be Louis most likely the one who receives the box with the books

"Brother, did you buy a box full of comics" Louis asks from the kitchen after he feels his older brother returning home

" oh? They already arrived? I thought they would be here next week" well Louis always was worries about how his brother didn't have any hobbies aside from teaching at the University so he was happy that he found something else to do with his life

He would ask for a sick day on a Monday or Friday so he could plan everything that was needed at his class that day and spend the weekend lazing around and reading the various volumes and the light novels. That day Louis and albert almost cried of happiness, that was the first time he took a sick day in all of his teaching years to take a break

The type of fan who creates theories that everything is symbolism, how they are ambidextrous to show that even if they intend good sometimes their methods are too extreme or how their hat was placed or the color of their clothes show their political affiliation. Nothing can be just a coincidence with him, everything means something

Is a big pain in the ass about historical inaccuracies, be it dress, manners or social hierarchy being off

" But listen this is the late Victorian era, where is their crinoline??/ They are supposed to be a Victorian dandy and the writer wants me to believe they would wear that? In that society?" williams turned on the lights to his younger brother room while walking in circles as if he was trying to calm down

" Williams it's 3 am. Please I want to sleep"

" Oh and don't let me get started when they crossdressed/dressed as lady northinburg, that tight lacing scene made me so angry" he was dragging his words, Louis guessed he was sleep drunk " how much I hate that, karolina or bernadette would kill those producers if they saw it" Louis simply opted to sleep while his brother was ranting about how the hairstyles were al wrong

When speaking of merchandising he appreciates his mature and elegant reputation so he would buy small things like cute stationery and notebooks and a few pens. Most of them either are about the main character, you, or have the anime title or something similar

A few students think that the professor brings some childish pens in case some student forgets one and he doesn't have to give them his mechanical pencil. He actually uses those pens when he is grading the exams. His notebook annotations look a lot cleaner and are more colorfully bc of the markers and pens

When and if your manga gets and anime he would be 100 percent bitching about how they skipped, if you are a minor character, scenes where you are introduced or you character gets development.

" Oh my goodness, they skipped to this ark? And 'the mask'? In that ark we get the development of many characters, yn, edward, Amélie, Alex. We are absolutely robed of their backgrounds and aspirations and how they are all connected"

" Brother be honest with yourself, you only wanted more animated yn, you follow their voice actor on twitter"

" That is not my point!"

Albert

he was watching it when he came late

Albert usually keeps company to his youngest brother until around 5-6 pm, then he leaves for work and returns around 12 am and eats dinner alone mostly.

When he returns from his job the house is more often than not totally dark so he makes his way to the kitchen and microwaves the leftovers and eats silently.

But one day it seems like Louis or williams forgot to turn off the TV before going to bed, he was about to turn it off but decided that watching something with the tv muted wouldn't wake his brothers up and kept watching.

He didn't pay much attention to it at the start but it became routine, he comes home, heats the food, sits down and watches that show so he grew quite fond of it

How much attention he pays to it depends on the type of plot it has, if it is light-hearted humor he would most likely not pay much attention but laugh when a joke came, one the other hand, if it's a more serious he would find it hard to take his eyes away from the screen

Second least likely to buy merchandising, if he buys it's mostly to wear home, a one size too big shirt for a pj (mostly for the comedy anime) or, if they aren't childish and look professional maybe a pocket watch like the one x character uses ( in the more serious one)

Won't buy the mangas if there are any because he is happy watching the animated version and already has to read a lot at work, but if he is gifted the volumes he will read them sparingly, maybe he will finish one volume every week and a half, unlike williams.

Louis

He spends most of his time home because of his illness and doesn't like to stress too much given that it makes the symptoms worse, he enjoys light hearted comedies or cooking in the victorian era or those typical time travelers who now have to live in different situations than those they are used to

He most likely found it after doing all the housework and being bored so he opted to browse the TV or netflix and fell on one specific serie

If it is a comedy he will listen to it while cleaning or cooking, he feels like he does everything faster and the housework is more enjoyable that way.

If it's a cooking related program he will watch as entertainment after doing everything and to get ideas what to cook, he is always surprised with the recipes that your character comes up with, be them savory ( things he will absolutely do the next day for lunch or dinner) or sweet ( things he will make more sparingly given he can't have too much sugar). I think of mangas and series like the duchess' 50 te recipes or shokugeki no soma

If it the third option he was interested on the alternatives to modern things, like how to make a more natural soap with animal fat and wood ash, or how to use certain plants to help a headache or stomach bug.

With merchandising he doesn't buy much, some kitchenware and some bowls mugs and maybe a tea set that isn't much of an eyesore. Overall he isn't all that crazy over that kind of things if there is a cooking book he will definitely buy it

He, like albert, doesn't care much about historical accuracy and if the events that happen are cohesive, he is there to have fun

Fred

He watched it because he heard his classmates talk about it and wanted to join them but was too scared to bother them if he didn't know anything. Baby has the social abilities of an anxious lobster

He comes home from college and looks the anime up in his phone and, like every broke college student, he watches it from an illegal streaming service.

He gets hooked up and stays all night watching it until his clock snaps him out of his trance and makes him drag his feet to his 7:30 am class

Fred tries and fails to talk to the group so, after the lesson, he drags himself to his room to be miserable alone. It's not until he reaches a certain chapter or episode where you say something that make him think, " if you wish to be loved you must face first your fear to be known" he keeps thinking about it, he didn't truly ever talk to the group, he cowarded before even trying.

The next week at that same lecture he approaches the group and tries to make some small talk

" Oh hey uhm i heard the past class that you liked (maga name)" he was this close to running to his desk and act as if nothing happened

" Yeah! You like it too?" The boy seemed to notice fred was nervous

" Yes! I really like it, what is you favorite character? Mine is yn" he certainly didn't have any favorite one before but after this he thinks your character is pretty good " they are really inspiring"

In terms of merch he is broke so there is none, If he had any money to spare he would buy notebooks and even those chibi statues or funko pops

#yuumori #yuukoku no moriarty x reader #yuukoku no moriarty #moriarty x reader #albert james moriarty #professor moriarty #moriarty the patriot #mtp #ynm #gn reader #william moriarty #williams james moriarty x reader #louis moriarty

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doienseatee · 4 years ago

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One with the Star

GIF IS MINE

Pairing: Doyoung x Reader

Genre: Strangers to Lovers, Fluff, College

Note: I’ve been having a hard time for the past week so it took me a while to finish this and be satisfied about it so forgive me for that matter. Writing this became an escape for me from my problems so I hope you’ll understand the delay. I didn’t proofread this yet so there might be a lot of grammatical and typographical errors ahead. Thank you so much for the likes in chapter 1 and I hope you’ll enjoy this chapter as much as you did with the previous one. Do leave a like or comment below because it really means a lot to me and your simple heart uplifts my mood. Thank you and enjoy :) Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: You developed a crush on the school band’s vocalist and somehow got close with him when you friend, Jungwoo, joined them. You’re too shy to make a move and so you are more than happy to be friends with a star like him.

CHAPTER 2

previous chapter

next chapter

It was a Monday morning when you were on your way to watch Jungwoo's 1st day of practice with NCT. You didn’t have any morning class and you accomplished everything on your to-do list so you can enjoy observing them (and listen to Doyoung's heavenly voice again and again) Suddenly, you remembered what happened last week and although you'd like to indulge yourself with the adrenaline rush when he followed you on Instagram, your notification didn't let you.

"@do0_nct is now following you"

was immediately succeeded by

"@eh_ovo_nct is now following you"

"@_jeongjaehyun is now following you"

"@onyourm_ark is now following you"

Soon realizing that the entire band followed you and not just Doyoung. Well, as much as you were disappointed, you focused on the fact that they followed you! Isn't that great? So you followed them back immediately and you were happy and contented to be mutuals with them on IG.

Going back, you are now in front of the university's music room and you are hesitating to knock the door for some reasons. You suddenly felt shy for being there and barging in their practice session when you're not even a part of the band. However, your train of thoughts were interrupted when the door opened revealing Doyoung inside and both of your eyes widened when you saw each other.

"Hi!! How long have you been standing there?" he asks with his gummy smile on his face that ignited the butterflies on your stomach.

You had nothing else to reply than "not too long ago" to put up a facade in front of him that you're all good and so he proceeded to escort you to the room only to be surprised that it's just the both of you that are present. Apparently, they're all running late and not picking up his call so he was about to look for them that's why you met in the doorway. At this point, you're now shaking on the inside because you're alone with your crush but of course, he didn’t notice since you were hiding it. You were thinking about how you should’ve just arrived with Jungwoo or how you should’ve just came late to avoid being alone with Doyoung.

It’s not that you were uncomfortable being with him but more like you didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of your crush so you tried to calm down and be as “normal” as you can when he apologized in behalf of his bandmates for being tardy. It was nothing to you since Jungwoo was running late as well but the fact that you’re alone with him on a Monday morning does make you feel things.

He then started calling the members one by one to let them know that the both of you are in the practice room already but Taeyong and Mark still weren’t answering for some reasons while Jaehyun suddenly cancelled because he had a make-up quiz that he totally forgot. So you called Jungwoo as well to check up on him because you haven’t heard news about him since you woke up and he was just telling you how excited he is for his 1st day of practice with NCT the night before, so his absence was making you worried.

It took you 2 attempts before hearing Jungwoo’s morning voice so you assumed that he just woke up therefore you told him that “you’re late! I’m already here in the practice room!” and you heard him curse a little bit and start fumbling through his things to “get ready” and told you he’ll be there as soon as possible before ending the call. You just sighed and said sorry to Doyoung for your tardy friend but he just shrugged it off and said sorry as well since his friends are late as well —missing in action even.

So now, the awkward silence (for you) was back and you didn’t know what else to do but that’s not the case for Doyoung since he offered that you can take a look around the practice room and make yourself comfortable while you wait for the others. You accepted the offer since you were itching to roam around the room the moment you entered but you were just shy to ask if you can so thank God, Doyoung suggested you to do so.

It wasn’t a big special room unlike what you see in those dramas that are provided for the elites in the school, it’s spacious enough for the instruments and for the little lounge area for the band. It had drums, electric and acoustic guitars, bass, keyboard and synths, 5 mic stands, a 5-seater couch and a table. It also had a shelf for trophies and photos that made you curious more than anything else in the room (aside from the man observing you) so you looked at him with eyes asking for permission if you can check them out to which he nodded and to your surprise, he joined in you looking because he wants to “relive the moments” according to him.

The first photograph you talked about was a photo of them in highschool with their original member who recently graduated college and was replaced by Jungwoo and he went by the name Taeil as per Doyoung. It was the group’s first stage performance as their school’s band and the eldest was in 11th grade followed by Taeyong in the 10th, Doyoung as a 9th grader, Jaehyun in the 2nd grade and Mark as a freshman. They all looked young but you’ll be lying if you said that Doyoung won’t catch your attention back then because he still looked charismatic just like now (or you were just genuinely whipped for the man, who knows?) He just laughed at how young they looked and how puberty wasn’t on their side back then and although you beg to disagree, you just laughed with him to avoid being suspicious if ever you say that he still looks good even in high school.

The 2nd photo he pointed was the group’s first time to win a championship in an inter school competition and they finished off as the first placers. They were all smiling from ear to ear with a trophy and medals and their arms were linked to one another. You could feel the happiness of that moment through the photo and you wished to see a version with Jungwoo in it in the future. You also felt butterflies in your stomach when you saw how happy Doyoung was and you just wanted to give everything that the world could offer to see that kind of smile on him again. You went back to reality when you heard the man of your dreams speak and tell you that it was such an amazing experience and you just agreed because obviously they enjoyed that moment based on their faces.

You were about to move on to look at third photo when his phone rang and showed that Taeyong was calling and so Doyoung excused himself to take the leader’s call. You went on and took a look at the photos alone and even without Doyoung explaining the context, you could easily tell the stories behind the photos through the settings. One was in Taeil’s high school graduation, another was in Taeyong’s and then another for Doyoung’s and then Jaehyun’s and the most recent ones were Mark’s and Taeil’s respective graduations. You then realized that the group wasn’t just a band and that they are now home considering how long their friendship has been. You then thought how it is an honor that Jungwoo is now part of the group and you just hoped that they would all click with one another and not leave your friend out.

You snapped back to reality when you heard Doyoung’s “well then, see you later i guess” and their exchange of “bye” with each other and you concluded that the morning practice is cancelled. Right after, he approached you while saying that Taeyong couldn’t make it right now because he was procrastinating a project due later that afternoon and that Mark had an emergency at home so he would be gone for the entire day. He just sighed and said “sorry” for all the troubles and something along the lines of “so much for Jungwoo’s first day” but you assured him that it was totally fine since Jungwoo himself was running late. Afterwards, you offered to message Jungwoo and notify him that the practice for today was postponed and he doesn’t need to rush anymore. All you got was a “Ok”, “Thanks”, “Sorry” and “See you later” from him.

Disappointed wasn’t the best term to describe what you’re feeling at the moment but your excitement definitely dissolved into thin air when you grasped the situation and thinking of all the sleep you would’ve gained more if you didn’t come early but on a brighter side, at least you got to know the band’s history and most especially Doyoung. The little time you spent together made you a bit more comfortable beside him (and fell for him even more)

As you were about to say goodbye to him, he went on and asked if you would like to grab some snacks with him. You still had time before your first class and so you agreed in a heartbeat soon realizing that you’re basically having a snack date with your crush. How crazy right? Of course, you tried to be as cool as you could while you were walking with him on your way to the cafeteria. It’s a good thing that he never runs out of topic so there was no dead air between the two of you.

When you arrived at the cafeteria, it’s obvious that many people recognized him. Of course, he’s the school band’s main vocalist, he’s somehow well-known but unlike in the dramas, no one’s glaring at you for being with him. It’s like no one paid attention to you but in a good way and you were relieved because of that and you just thought that you were overthinking things so you went on and asked him what he will eat. It’s not like the cafeteria had a wide variation of food choices so the both of you just ended up with a big slice of pizza, fries and iced drinks.

You spent half an hour finishing your food and it was longer than usual since you were chit chatting with Doyoung the entire time that you didn’t notice the time.From your highschool memories, to their competition stories, to academic stuff, his hobbies and your past times and all that he could ever think of were all discussed when you were munching on your foods. To say the least, you enjoyed your snack date (and watching him eat like a bunny) and you loved talking to Doyoung and you really hit it off with him — as a friend, you thought. You were blessed to discover more about him and his smile was not helping you to not fall deeper for him. It was as if your budding friendship was a way for you be fond of him even more and not that you’re complaining but you were scared at the same time.

He’s like a star that you can’t reach the only difference was that he was an inch closer to you but still hard to obtain. So you remind yourself that you need to be wary and take care of your heart even if it’s just a crush.

It was almost time for your first class so you started to clear the table to throw away the trash and start preparing for your class. Doyoung stood up to throw everything for you and you started to say goodbye to him since he still have an hour before his class. Before he let you go, he asked for Jungwoo’s and your phone number so that he can easily reach out to the both of you in regards with the practice schedule since they kinda forgot to exchange numbers in their own group chats (might seem funny but embarrassing for him)

On your way to your classroom, you were pondering on how Doyoung is such an easy-going person and considerate to you even if you’re not formally a part of the band. The little snack date that you had felt surreal and will surely be one of your most memorable moment with him. It warms your heart and made you smile unknowingly but the text message you received made your heart skip a beat.

“Hey, it’s me Doyoung. Are you up for a snack date again tomorrow? :)”

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taglist: @jungwoosnoopyyy @staysstrays :)

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edit: should i include the song inspiration that i use for every chapter? well, not exactly "inspiration" that the chapter is aligned with the song's message but more like what i was listening to while I write. should i? :))

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CHAPTER 3

***chapter 3 is now up :)

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addierose444 · 4 years ago

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A Typical Week: Spring 2021

Before getting into the actual content, I thought I would just point out that this is my 100th blog post! You can check out the full list here.

As noted in my fall 2020 version of this post, my week is primarily dictated by my current course schedule. (To check out all of my past courses, click here). Furthermore, the way I write these posts is to focus on academics as they're a big part of my life, but also the most natural thing to write about publicly. This post should give you a realistic sense of the structure of my week and courses. I thought it may be useful to contrast expectations and reality when it comes to productivity. Early in the semester, I mapped out my idealized homework schedule around my meetings and assignment deadlines. The first row lists deadlines. The other rows are split by my meals (lunch and dinner). Even if I don’t strictly follow the schedule, spending the time to map things out is quite useful. To write about my real schedule, I actually looked back through data from my time tracking application, Toggl Track. I know this is a very long post, but it wasn’t really interesting enough to become a two-parter.

A typical school day starts off with my 9:00 (or 9:10) alarm. I also often have a second alarm set for 9:15 as a backup. Here at college, I simply use the default clock app on my phone and have it play from my favorites playlist on Spotify. I very occasionally need to wake up earlier to finish up an assignment as midnight is my strict cutoff for doing work. I know a consistent sleep schedule is very important, but it’s definitely something I struggle with.

Monday:

My week begins with a 9:20 math class. The specific course is math methods which as previously explained is an applied math course from the physics department that is required for physics and engineering majors. We usually start off by going over the pre-class check in (PCCI) and/or other questions students have. This review is followed by a lecture on new material. Throughout the class, we work through example problems in breakout rooms (on Zoom whiteboards) and answer multiple-choice questions using the poll feature. (The poll questions are anonymous and ungraded). Partway through the class, we get a 4-minute break. One nice thing about this class is that we actually thoroughly go through the example problems when we regroup as an entire class. This is important because, without feedback, practice is of limited utility. Furthermore, going over the problem gives me a chance to get everything into my notes. The integration of lectures with practice is something I really appreciate about this course. In past math classes, the format has been a lecture followed by a worksheet of practice problems. While that model sometimes makes sense, I much prefer this integrated approach. One issue with leaving practice until the end is that you sometimes run out of time and don’t catch knowledge gaps until the end of class. After math methods, I get a 20-minute break during which I often listen to the latest episode of The Daily (a short new podcast from the New York Times).

Next up is my philosophy of logic class which starts with a few minutes of breathing and stretching. On the first day of class, I thought this was a really strange thing, but have come to appreciate it. Afterward, we go over any relevant announcements and sometimes debrief the previous class. This class is different from my other classes in that it is reading and discussion-based. We spend most of the class in the main room strengthening our understanding of the reading through full class discussions and mini-lectures. Even though the class is already very small (13 students), we also make use of breakout rooms to work through study questions. Our tests are pyramid style which means we spend one class period working independently and another class on the same questions in a small group. We also have short quizzes, called mini check-ins, every few weeks. Next up is lunch during which I sometimes listen to a podcast or audiobook. You can check out some of my favorite podcasts and books of 2020 at the associated links.

After lunch, I have my computer systems lab. The teaching assistant of my lab section starts off with a quick introduction to the assignment. We then work independently and ask questions as they come up. Even though we don’t really work collaboratively the lab is sort of fun because it’s less formal than a regular class. For the first part of the semester, the lab assignments often took way longer than the allotted time (and sometimes longer than our projects) so I often spent more of the afternoon finishing up the assignment. Fortunately, the course staff was made aware of this issue and adjusted accordingly. Just for some context, this course is a UMass class which is why there is a whole course team and teaching assistants. To read more about Five College course registration click here. At Smith, while some classes have teaching assistants who help out during class, all of the classes are taught and run by our actual professors. We also have student tutors as an academic resource outside of class. To read more about academic support systems at Smith, click here.

After finishing up my lab assignment, I start in on my math methods PCCI. A typical PCCI consists of reading a section or two of the textbook (written by our professor) and completing a short practice problem or so-called discovery exercise. Depending on the week, I either start in on my reading assignment for my computer systems class or logic class. At 4:00, I have my weekly one-on-one meeting with my supervisor for my ResLife job. Following the meeting, I relax by listening to music or an audiobook. At 5:00, I order, pick up, and eat my dinner. After dinner, I complete any remaining readings for my computer systems and logic classes. If I haven’t yet completed my lab assignment or have an exam the following day, I devote some of the night to circuits. Otherwise, I may work on a computer systems project or theory of computation assignment.

Tuesday:

Tuesday’s are my busiest day of the week in terms of class hours. With that said, it’s nothing compared to my Thursdays last fall. I start Tuesdays off with my circuits class. During class, we learn new circuit theory and circuit analysis techniques. We also go through example problems. While we often run out of time to fully work through the extra practice problems in breakout rooms, fortunately, my professor posts videos going over those problems. After taking our feedback into account, we now get a break partway through the class. Each lecture covers a lot of material, so the brain/screen break is much appreciated. To check in on how the class is feeling about various concepts, our professor has us use the annotation feature on a scale from totally get it to totally lost.

After circuits is my 20-minute break followed by my theory of computation lecture. The theoretical nature of the material means that it really is a lecture. While we obviously go through examples, there aren’t really practice problems as there would be in a math class. We use the chat to some extent in all of my classes, but to a greater degree in this course. Next up is lunch and a COVID test. At 1:40 I am back to circuits for the lab. Most of the labs are virtual with physical lab equipment, but a few have been in-person so that we could use special equipment. Ironically, one of our in-person labs was actually fully virtual in terms of lab equipment. (We were sitting on the lawn outside of Ford together and running circuit simulators on our laptops). Fortunately, we don’t usually need to stay until 4:30. I tend to just collect my data, ask some questions about the material, and then finish up the write-up at a later point in time. This time block is also the one used whenever we have an exam.

I always start by doing the textbook reading for circuits. I don’t read super closely, but it’s still a good primer for the next class. In terms of other work, Tuesdays are a bit more unpredictable and really depend on how much I got done over the weekend. Specifically, while I usually finish my math methods assignment over the weekend, occasionally I need to finish it up on Tuesday evenings. Likewise, for circuits, I sometimes finish the last few problems on a Tuesday evening. At 7:00, I have a staff meeting with the other community advisors in my neighborhood and our supervisor. Our meetings usually take place over Zoom, but our most recent one was in-person with ice cream from Herrell’s which was a lot of fun. You can read about some other Northampton food locations (restaurants, cafes, and more) here. In weeks where I haven’t yet started my computer systems work, I do what I would usually have done on a Monday on a Tuesday.

Wednesday:

Wednesdays are similar to Mondays without the computer systems lab and ResLife meeting. In the afternoon I often attend office hours for my theory of computation class to ask questions about the weekly assignment. Even though I don’t have my logic class until the following Monday, I usually just do the reading on Wednesday afternoon. On Wednesday evenings, I typically work through my circuits revisions. I also tend to do a good chunk of my computer systems coursework. This consists of watching lecture videos, taking notes, and taking lesson quizzes. Furthermore, I have definitely spent some Wednesday evenings working through computer systems projects.

Thursday:

Thursdays are like Tuesdays without the circuits lab. Even though I have the whole afternoon free, unfortunately, I am sometimes having to finish up my theory of computation assignment. It’s also common for me to start working on the new math methods problem set. In the case of this Thursday, I played some guitar and then started writing this post. I also do my circuits reading for Tuesday and take the quick lab quiz. If I have any remaining computer systems coursework, I do that as well.

Friday:

This semester I only have one class on Fridays, math methods. After class, I get a COVID test and an early lunch. I know it seems crazy how many free afternoons I have given that I am taking 22 credits and am a double STEM major. However, part of this is explained by my UMass computer systems course being asynchronous and the fact that I completed the one-credit companion course in C programming before my Smith semester started. My computer systems class was originally scheduled to meet Monday, Wednesday, and Friday afternoons. Even though I wish the class was synchronous, the flexibility of an asynchronous class has been much appreciated. Furthermore, the class was in a terrible time block that would have caused me to miss most of house tea. Back to what a Friday afternoon looks like! After completing my PCCI for math methods, I often rewatch the lecture videos for computer systems (on double speed) and then take the weekly quiz. I next pick up tea snacks from Cutter-Z and attend house tea at 4:30. After tea, I order dinner and often eat it in the living room with housemates. Fridays are definitely my least productive day and I have definitely taken a few weekly quizzes on Saturday after having planned to take them on Friday. Instead of doing real work, I often spend Friday afternoons writing blog posts. As for this post, I wrote most of it yesterday but spent a good chunk of Friday afternoon on it as well.

Saturday:

Despite my best efforts to have a consistent sleep schedule, I often sleep in on Saturdays until 10:00. I then have a leisurely hour or so of listening to an audiobook. At 11:00, I get an early lunch. As mentioned in the Friday description, I sometimes end up taking my weekly quiz for computer systems on Saturday. When I have tests in math methods, I typically take them on Saturday night. (The tests are timed but are self-scheduled over the given weekend which includes Friday). When there is not a math test, I often work on my math problem set in the afternoon. Every few weeks, I host POCheese at 4:00. This week we are actually going to be meeting at 5:00 for a ramen night! At 6:00 I have a uke club meeting over Zoom. In weeks where I have already finished my math problem set and don’t have a test, I start in on my circuits problem set.

Sunday:

Sundays start like Saturdays in that I often have a leisurely morning. At 11:00 I get a COVID test and an early lunch. Sundays are almost always devoted to my circuits. This includes working through the problems set, the lab writeup, or studying for an upcoming exam. If my Saturday wasn’t as productive as intended, I do the homework described in that section. At 6:00 I have a Society of Women Engineers (SWE) board meeting. At 7:00, I either lead a community meeting (part of my ResLife job) or attend house council. Afterward, I fill out my weekly report (also part of my ResLife job).

#college #Smith College #academics #schedule #week in my life #homework #spring 2021

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komahinasecretexchange · 4 years ago

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Title: The Flowers That Had Torn Them Apart

Author: @gravestone-monarch (Grave)

For: @creepioz

Pairings/Characters: Established Hinanami, Komahina

Ratings/Warnings: Major character death, blood, angst, unrequited love

Prompt: 1) Coffee Shop AU 2) Any Angst 3) Hanahaki’s Disease

Author’s Notes: So, hello there! I’ve never written Komahina or hanahaki before, so I’m sorry if some things seem out of place! (It also doesn’t help I haven’t played SDR2) (this probably isn’t very reassuring huh)

I know I was probably just supposed to pick one prompt, but I looked at the list and the story just clicked in my head

So now you have this!

I really hope you enjoy it! I did *shudders*

rEseArCh

For this so hopefully it’s up to standard!

Also I know it says Hinanami in the tags, it makes sense in the story (this isn’t a hinanami centered story I swear)

Once more, enjoy!! ^^

Komaeda had been getting his lunches at the Jabberwock for as long as he could remember. He practically lived in it at this point. Each day he’d come in, order, sit for an hour and leave. Day in, day out. He was lucky the little coffee shop hadn’t closed yet. Usually he has rotten luck.

But one day, something changed.

The something that would inevitably be the death of him.

He walked in one day and noticed someone new at the counter. Short brown hair, heterochromia, well toned…

Well, he was certainly attractive, Nagito would give him that.

He walked up and stood in the queue, checking his phone for the time. He was here a bit earlier than usual.

“Next!”

His head snapped up as he realised the relatively short queue had depleted.

“Ah, so sorry!” He said to the man.

“No problem. What can we get you today?” The person said.

“Mm… I’ll have the usual.” He said. The cashier raised an eyebrow, then sighed.

“Sir, this is my first day. What’s ‘the usual’?”

“Oh!” Nagito chuckled nervously. “Sorry about that…” he looked down at the person’s nametag. “…Hajime.”

“Mhm, it’s fine. Honestly, it’s already happened three times this morning.”

“Really? That’s almost impressive.”

“Almost, yeah.” Hajime grinned slightly. “Now, what’d you say you wanted?”

“Oh, right! Well…"

He gave Hajime his order, and seeing as there was nobody in the queue behind him, he stood talking to him for a few minutes.

He learned a lot about Hajime in the time he had. He was the same age as Nagito, and actually went to the same college, despite being in different courses. Nagito told him he wasn’t sure what he was planning on doing with his future. Hajime agreed.

"Yeah, not sure either, really. It’s a writing course, so it could really go anywhere. Journalist, author, scriptwriter… you get the point.” Hajime said, Nagito nodding.

“I see! Sure does give a lot of hope, doesn’t it? Knowing you’re not stuck on one path… it’s great!”

Hajime looked at him. “Yeah, probably. Oh, your order’s ready.” Hajime told him, writing Nagito’s name on the cup.

“Oh! Thank you so much, Hajime.”

“No problem. That’ll be ¥360.”

Nagito passed over the money as Hajime passed him his coffee. Their fingers brushed for just a moment. Neither said anything, but Nagito felt his pale cheeks flush slightly.

“Well, I’ll be sitting over there now. Bye, Hajime.” Nagito said, waving. Why was he waving? Was he on waving terms with this guy?

He was being awkward.

Hajime laughed, shaking his head. “See ya, Nagito.”

Nagito smiled back at him, almost a bit too wide, as he sat down, taking a sip out of his coffee. It tasted slightly different today, but… not in a bad way. It almost tasted better, actually.

“Huh…”

He didn’t pay it much mind, just enjoying the taste as he pulled out his laptop. He had decided to get a bit of work done while he was at the Jabberwock today. His next paper was supposed to be about lesser known or folklore diseases. After a bit of research, he had decided on a certain disease that had caught his attention.

“Now, how do I start this..?” He wondered to himself. After a moment, he opened his document and started typing.

The hanahaki (ha-na-ha-ki) is a fictional disease that affects people with unrequited love.

As he finished his coffee, he saved his work, closing his laptop. As he was about to throw out the cup, something caught his eye. Where he thought his name was, a series of numbers had been scribbled.

You seem cool. Call me, if you want

xxx-xxxx-xxxx

-Hajime

Nagito’s breath hitched. That was Hajime’s number, right? He couldn’t believe it. Hajime gave someone like him his number?

Woah.

He looked back over at the counter, where Hajime had started serving another customer. As he turned around to start his customer’s order, he caught Nagito’s eye. He gave one last smile before turning away.

Nagito smiled, putting the empty cup in his bag. With one last glance back, he left. Until the next day, at least.

Hajime and Nagito got to talking over the next few weeks. Hajime told Nagito his schedule (Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays) and Nagito made sure to come in on those days, if he couldn’t make it on the others.

They learned a bit more about each other over the weeks. Hajime was born on New Year’s, leading to parties doubling as New Year’s and birthday parties (despite him not always enjoying them.) Nagito was born on April 28; his birth month representing death, sorrow and horrid luck, but his birth date representing increased luck and fortune. As such, he’s always had a weird mix of luck, which Hajime just found kinda funny.

Nagito started getting staff discounts, which was great. Both were born into rich families though, so it didn’t make much difference to either.

Nagito did end up asking why he started working at the Jabberwock if he already had enough money to last him a lifetime. Hajime responded with I’m not really sure. I suppose I just… had a feeling. Besides, what harm could a bit of extra pocket change do?

Nagito got his paper submitted on time. Hajime helped him out at parts, knowing a surprising amount about the disease. Once he finished, Hajime congratulated him with a free meal.

Honestly, Nagito didn’t feel like he deserved it. Hajime’s friendship, he means. Sure, he was kind of frank at times, almost vaguely rude to people he doesn’t like, but he was able to put up with Nagito’s rants about whatever was on his mind, which wasn’t easy, considering his random theories and such.

He was nice.

Nagito knew he was falling for the man. He’d be a fool not to. The man was attractive, nice, understanding… yeah, Nagito definitely had a crush.

The days when Hajime wasn’t in work were the lonely days, as Nagito called them. They just felt emptier, since he started talking to Hajime.

Nagito wasn’t entirely sure what to do about his feelings. Becuase, let’s be honest here. 'Why would Hajime ever like someone like me? Besides, he’s probably straight.’

But he knew he couldn’t keep it in forever. It’d get too much to handle at some point. He was getting distracted in his classes for thoughts of Hajime. So one day, he decided.

He’d just tell Hajime so he could reject him. Get it over with. If he was lucky, maybe Hajime wouldn’t be totally repulsed. Maybe he’d still want to maintain a friendship! Wouldn’t that be great?

So that Saturday, he decided he’d say it.

Now, he was just counting down the days.

Saturday rolled around, and Nagito made his way to the Jabberwock. He probably wouldn’t stay too long today; he’d just say it and leave. But when he walked in, he noticed something.

Hajime wasn’t there.

“Huh..?”

Wasn’t that just his luck?

The day he finally decides to be honest, the object of his affections isn’t even there.

Well, that’s fine too. He can just come back in a few weeks. Maybe a year. Perhaps a century or two. Not too long, right?

He sighed, turning to leave. As he turned though, he slammed right into someone.

“Ah, sorry! I- Nagito?”

Nagito looked up at Hajime, who he had just slammed into.

“Oh, hello Hajime! I’m so sorry about that, I had no right to touch you like that, I-”

“Hey, hey Ko. What’d we say about the self-deprication?” Hajime said, raising an eyebrow.

“R-right. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Actually, I’m glad I ran into you. I wanted you to meet someone.”

“Ah, has Hajime made a new friend? How wonderful!”

“Haha, you could… yeah, you could say that.” He gestured to the girl beside him, who Nagito hadn’t even registered until now. She had pale pink hair and was wearing a navy hoodie, holding her phone. He could hear faint Tetris music coming from it.

“Nagito, I’d like you to meet Chiaki Nanami, my… my girlfriend.”

Nagito could’ve swore his world just broke.

The floor felt like it was crumbling apart, the walls falling beneath their own weight.

“Hey.” The girl greeted. Both smiled at him like they hadn’t just broken his heart.

Well, they didn’t know, did they?

“A-ah… n-nice to meet you, Nanami… I’m- I’m so sorry, but I really must go. I- I don’t feel the best.” Nagito spit out that lame excuse as he advanced to the door.

“Oh, you need a lift? I could-”

“No-! ahem, I mean… no thanks, Hinata. Thanks for the offer. Bye.”

He pushed the glass door open and walked out, quicker than he had ever walked before. He didn’t live too far away, luckily enough, so he walked home quick enough, just desperate to get away from it all.

“Hm.” Hajime hummed.

“What’s up with him?”

“Not sure… a-anyways, what would you like?”

That night, the flowers started.

It was only a petal at first. He was sitting at his desk, booting up his laptop to take another look at his paper. Something had been bugging him about it, he just wasn’t sure what.

This wasn’t the first thing he’d done when he got home. His pillow was definitely tear-stained and he’d run his box of tissues dry. He wouldn’t admit that to anyone, though.

He had finally gotten over the throbbing in his head the crying had given him and sat down to re-read it when he felt a tickle in his throat. He tried clearing his throat, which turned to a full on coughing fit. At the end of it, he finally coughed it up.

A small daffodil petal, a bit smaller than his thumb.

Nagito froze, staring at the petal.

He just coughed that up, didn’t he..?

He looked from the petal to the computer screen in horror, not taking long to put it all together.

He thought the disease was fictional… but he had most definitely just coughed this up.

Nagito had the hanahaki disease.

He wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. Lucky for him, he’d already done his research, so he knew the deal. Flowers blossom in the victim’s lungs, eventually rendering them unable to breathe and suffocating them. The only cure was for the victim’s feelings to be romantically requited. You could also get surgery, but that results in you being incapable of romantic love, and Nagito couldn’t bear that. Despite knowing he didn’t have a chance with most anyone, especially Hajime, he’d like to make himself believe he still has.

Now, here was the kicker.

In most of the stories he’d read, the victim simply believed their love interest didn’t like them. But not in his story, oh no. Hajime was already romantically involved. That meant he most certainly didn’t feel how Nagito did. And if Nagito was going to avoid the surgery…

“I’m going to die.” He concluded, putting his head in his hands. He didn’t have enough energy or tears to cry anymore, so he just sat there, letting the cold truth set in.

It already felt harder to breathe.

It only got worse over the next few weeks.

After only three days a full daffodil head had come up, while he was in the Jabberwock, no less. It was getting increasingly harder to hide it in front of others.

Especially Hajime.

Hajime was usually very observant. He usually knew when someone was lying or hiding something from him, so he had to pull out his best acting skills.

Which, admittedly, were those of a teenager.

While he sat there, he was constantly clearing his throat, trying to force down the seemingly harmless flowers clawing their way up.

Luckily for him, the same person that put him in this situation was his unaware cover.

Chiaki.

As much as Nagito hated it, Hajime was now a lot more preoccupied with his girlfriend, which meant if Nagito needed to slip away to choke up a flower or two, he could do just that.

He didn’t know how to feel about Nanami. Sure, on one hand, she was basically the reason he was walking up Death’s driveway. But on the other hand, it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but his own for having these feelings

How does that one song go?

How could I hate her? She’s such an angel.

But then again, kinda wish she were dead.

Not to that extent, but that basically sums up his feelings about her.

Feelings very unlike those for Hajime.

He did a bit of research when he could. Why daffodils? Turns out, a meaning for daffodils was unrequited love.

And wasn’t that fitting?

He was marking the days. Appreciating each day he still got to wake up, not having been smothered in his sleep. In all honesty, though?

He’d rather be killed in his sleep than choked to death at a coffee shop table.

He was also trying to appreciate his time with Hajime. He knew he would never have that sort of relationship with him, not now. So he tried to make the most of their friendship with him.

It was nice, for a while.

But all good things come to an end, as they say.

He was coughing up flowers multiple times a day, now. He’d noted to himself that when he saw blood, his time was almost up.

Terrifying, right?

It really was.

He’d just come home from a walk. He’d started going on them a while ago, when he’d just got it. He hoped the fresh air would do him some sort of good.

It’s funny, really. A while ago, Nagito wouldn’t have cared if he was killed. We practically would have welcomed it.

But now? Now he’d met someone. And because he’d met someone, he was dying. Because he’d met someone, he didn’t want to die.

But it’s not like he got a say in the matter, did he?

His lungs were being overgrown by weeds that call themselves flowers. Horrid things that were worming their way up his throat every. Single. Day.

And eventually, blood would come with them.

So here he was, sitting down after his walk. He sat down at his desk, his throat wheezing as he did. It had been three weeks and four days, and each day suffocated him just that bit more. And right now, he was dizzy. Probably from the lack of oxygen.

Right on cue, his next coughing fit started. It lasted as long as all the others, felt like all the others… but afterwards, it didn’t look like all the others.

He opened his eyes to see what he’d been dreading. A horrible stain of blood splattered across his desk, almost looking pink in the lamp light. He saw two daffodils laying in the midst. Some would call this poetic.

What would Nagito call it?

A death sentence.

He could barely breathe. The flowers crushed his lungs as he scrambled to get his phone out.

Logically, he should call an ambulance. Emergency services, anything that would help.

However, Nagito wasn’t thinking logically.

And that’s not what he did.

He looked over at the old cup, tapping in the number scribbled on it.

He’d never see that handwriting again.

He’d never see him again.

His hands shook as he pressed dial, holding it up to his ear. He also pulled up his paper on his laptop, scanning over it.

Now he knew what he was going to add.

“Hello?”

“Ah, h-hello, Hajime! S-so sorry to bother you th-this late.”

“Mm, no problem. Something up?”

“N-no, nothing at all..!” He scrolled to the bottom of the document, typing quickly. “I just wanted to ch-chat, is all… you g-got a minute?”

“Ahh, sorry Ko. I’m with Chiaki right now. Mind if I call you back tomorrow?”

“…sure. That’s no problem, Hajime. Hajime Hinata…”

“Huh? Ko, you ok?”

He saved the document, plugging in the laptop to charge shakily. He wanted to say his usual; Yep, I’m fine! No need to worry yourself, Hajime. See you tomorrow, hm?

That’s what he would’ve said had his throat not closed up.

Instead, he fought for his breath. He fought a battle that he’d inevitably lose. Hands shaking, chest wheezing, he spoke into the phone.

One last time.

“H-Hajime…”

“Yeah Ko?”

“I-I think I’m dying.”

He dropped his phone to the table, his head following suit not long after. In his last moments of consciousness, he heard Hajime yelling through the phone.

“What?! Nagito, did you say you’re dying?!”

“Nagito, answer me!”

“Nagito Komaede, talk to me!”

“C'mon, c'mon! Answer already!”

“I- Chiaki, call emergency services to this address. I’m sending help, Nagito. Just… just hang in there, please.”

A pool of blood drying on the table.

A final call ended.

A bleach white head of hair stained.

A final message on his computer.

In conclusion, the hanahaki disease is a very terrifying prospect, and now that I have experienced its effects first hand, I can confirm.

The hanahaki is deadly. I, Nagito Komaeda, have been killed at its hands.

March 11th.

They just didn’t get there quick enough.

Emergency services got there moments after Hajime did, who had sprinted up the stairs to where Nagito once resided.

He was shocked to find the scene in front of him.

He ran over to Nagito, trying to shake him awake. But no amount of shaking could uproot the flowers that had torn them apart.

He was brought off to a hospital, but he was already dead when they arrived. It didn’t take long to put together what had happened, despite nobody quite believing it. With the document Nagito had left, the blood and flowers and the tangle in his lungs, it was determined he most definitely had the disease, and just managed to keep it a secret.

Hajime.

He just couldn’t believe it.

Nagito was just… gone.

That phone call was the last time he’d ever hear the poor man’s voice. See him smile or laugh, despite how unnerving it could be at times.

All of that… gone.

Just because he loved someone.

Nagito had never talked about having a crush on anyone. But only people with unrequited feelings got the disease, right?

So whoever he liked just didn’t like him back.

And there was just the smallest, miniscule part of Hajime that had a feeling he knew who it was.

He prayed to whatever gods were up there that he was wrong.

Years later, Hajime still can’t look at daffodils.

For all they mean respect, chivalry… rebirth, eternal life, new beginnings, all of which Komaeda didn’t receive…

They also meant unrequited love. The cruel mistress that took his life.

He used to like Spring. Now he can’t stand it. That’s when daffodils bloom.

That’s when Nagito died.

He still lays awake some nights, thinking about the man he used to know. What would have happened had they not met? Had Hajime never taken that job, would Nagito still be alive?

A question that would never be answered.

He quit his job right after, not wanting to be reminded of the man. Despite that, he wouldn’t let him be forgotten.

So now, all he could do was heal. Mourn him, and heal.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever like daffodils again. After all, they’re the flowers that tore them apart.

-End-

#komahina #komahina secret exchange #fanfiction

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epochofbelief · 5 years ago

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Breath Control, Chapter Four

an A Court of Mist and Fury College Swim Team AU

All characters belong to Sarah J Maas!

Primarily Feysand.

Warnings for drinking, mature content, etc.

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three

Please Enjoy and let me know if you want to be tagged!

Four

Monday morning was my first practice with the middle distance group. Luckily, Mor had swooped in and decided we were carpooling to my first day, so she’d picked me up at 5:00 at my house and we’d ridden in to practice together. Indie music issued from her car’s speakers while I struggled to stay awake on the passenger side.

“Are you nervous?” she asked.

I shrugged. Yes. “No,” I said.

She yawned. “I bet you are. But don’t worry. Just get in a lane with me, or Rhys, or even Azriel and you’ll be fine. You’re fast as hell, I know that, so you’ll keep up with us without any trouble.”

Her encouragement helped. A little.

But practice ended up going just fine. I wasn’t as weak as I could be. The past month of me spiraling into an enormous confused mess had taken its toll but moving from distance to middle distance masked most of that. I needed to get my ass into gear and fast if I wanted to make the travel team, though. Coach King’s words had been anything but encouraging on that front.

And now I knew why. The list for this weekend’s travel team had been posted that morning outside the locker rooms. I had not made it. The first time I hadn’t been chosen to travel. I tried to be upset and I was a little disappointed in myself.

But I didn’t care as much as I should have. As much as I would have a year ago if I hadn’t made the travel team. I really needed to sort myself out.

Mor gave me a clap on the shoulder and didn’t say anything. She probably thought she’d upset me if she tried to comfort me. Really, I was embarrassed I hadn’t made it, not disappointed because I couldn’t compete. Which was the wrong way to feel about something I was supposed to be passionate about.

After practice, we headed over to the gym for weights. I partnered with Mor, who kept up a constant stream of chatter, explaining a few new movements I hadn’t previously done while training with the distance group.

Cassian came over about halfway through the workout. “Hey ladies.”

Mor rolled her eyes as she struggled to deadlift something like 250 pounds. I turned to Cassian. He was attractive--obviously. Dark hair, growing fairly shaggy. Stubble covering his impeccable jawline. Hazel eyes that constantly focused on everything in front of him with clear intent. Unless he was drunk. I’d seen Cassian drunk off his ass at many-a-college-party.

“How was your first day, Feyre?” He winked at me, ignoring the attitude emanating from Mor, who was moving through her five reps with the bar very slowly. I could tell it was playful, though.

The desire for a friendship like theirs, a group like Rhys’s and Mor’s, suddenly overwhelmed me.

“Not too bad. A lot less yardage in this group than I’m used to,” I said a little competitively. Wasn’t that what my mom had always said, before she’d died? Talk to people as though they are already your friends and you’ll become friends much faster? Cassian was my new training partner--as all those in Mid-D group were. I may not care so much for the direction my swimming career was headed in right now but I could at least make an effort to make friends with Rhys and Mor’s friends. Especially since Cassian had intentionally come over here to talk to me, it seemed.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Archeron. It may have been shorter in terms of length but it was definitely way more intense than you’re used to. You could barely stay under for those eight underwaters, if I remember correctly.”

He was right. Underwaters were killer. This morning we had finished our warmup set with 8x25s (eight lengths of the pool) all underwater on thirty-five second intervals. Not my favorite thing in the world.

“Give me a week and I’ll be swimming circles around you and your whole group. Above or under the water.”

He smiled and I could tell he was pleased with the very tame trash talk I’d been able to muster. I wondered how much Rhys had told him about the wreck that had been my life for the past few weeks. Months. Year. Cassian had probably come over here out of pity, to help the poor, friendless, out-of-shape Feyre Archeron. No thanks.

“We’ll see about that. I’m glad to have you in the group. Az is too. Sometimes a change is good. We need more hard workers in Middle D.”

I blinked. Was that. . . pride I was feeling at his mild praise? “Thanks, Cassian.”

He gave me a salute and crossed back over to the rack he was sharing with Azriel and Rhys. Azriel was deadlifting but Rhys was looking directly at me. I met his eyes. Then Cassian said something and Rhys turned bright red. He snapped his attention to Cassian, obviously retorting defensively at whatever Cassian had said to make him so--self-conscious? I shook my head. None of my business, whatever those boys were joking about. Probably girls, or something.

I didn’t let the possibility that Cassian had been teasing Rhys about me even cross my mind.

As I moved to lift the trap bar, Mor having collapsed on the ground next to it and asking me to leave her there to die, I did let myself admit that Rhys’s behavior toward me over the past month had been. . . unnecessarily kind. And the possibility that he. . . felt something for me. . .

I shut down that thought as quickly as it floated through the back of my mind. And as I pulled the trap bar up, an enormous

BANG

sounded from Cassian, Azriel, and Rhys’s weight lifting platform.

“SHIT!”

I dropped the bar and rushed after Mor, who had taken off without a second thought, and found myself pushing through the small crowd of people already forming around the platform before I knew what I was doing. Rhys, doubled over, his hands braced on the bench in front of him, had his eyes squeezed tightly shut. Cassian was setting a fifty pound weight off to the side. . . and I put together what had happened. That weight had fallen onto Rhys’s . . . foot? Leg? Toes?

He looked to be in a lot of pain, although he hadn’t uttered a word. The curse had come from Cassian.

Azriel was already there, easing Rhys’s arm around his shoulders and helping him take a seat on the bench as our athletic trainer ran over.

“Get back to work, everyone. Only two rounds to go,” our weight trainer said and everyone turned to head back to their stations. Mor made no move that suggested she planned on leaving Rhys’s side. And for some reason I found that I couldn’t either.

Our trainer, Madja, knelt next to Rhys. “What happened?” She asked gently, assessing the situation with her cunning eyes. Madja was the best of all the athletic trainers at Prythian University. Rhys was in good hands.

Cassian, running his hands through his hair, spoke. “I was being an idiot. I tried to pick up the fifty and the thirty at the same time and I wasn’t paying attention, so the fifty slipped out of my hands while I tried to re-rack them. Fuck, Rhys, I’m so sorry. Shit.”

Madja raised her brows at Cassian’s cursing but said nothing. Rhys, despite looking as though he was in a fair amount of pain, gritted out, “You didn’t do it on purpose, Cass. It’s just sore. I can walk now, I think.”

Before Madja could protest, he stood up. “See? I’m fine.”

Madja poked his shoulder, forcing him to put weight on his right foot. He hissed, eyes squeezing tightly shut.

“Sit.” Madja eased him back down onto the bench, then seemed to notice that Mor and I were still there. “Didn’t you hear your coach? Finish lifting. Rhys will be fine.”

Mor nodded, biting her lip. She told Rhys to call her as soon as he knew anything in case he needed help getting home. She brushed past my shoulder as Rhys’s eyes met mine. Something in them seemed to. . . soften, as he looked at me.

I gave him a hasty smile and turned away. And made sure the suspicion building within my mind was buried.

Deep.

-----------------

After weights, Mor bounced off to a four hour lab of some sort and I walked to class with Cassian and Azriel. All three of us had our Monday morning classes in the same building, luckily.

I’d been extremely nervous about making new friends in this group, and since my Saturday night “bonding session” had been severely interrupted, I’d figured it would take a while to find a group in Mid D. But as I had walked out of the locker room after weights, I’d found Cassian and Azriel loitering around the main path to campus as though waiting for someone. Mor had probably asked them to talk to me or something.

I was pathetic if I needed someone to arrange my friendships for me.

But I knew Mor had my best interests in mind as I made to walk past the boys. And I certainly wasn’t going to be able to do it myself. The boys fell into step beside me and Cassian started chattering away.

“Feyre! Fancy seeing you here. Heard from Rhys about his foot? Did Mor say anything?” I could tell his guilt was eating him pretty badly. His eyes were wide and he radiated tension. Cassian was in my year, a sophomore, but he’d quickly grown to become close friends with Rhys, Mor, and Azriel, who were all juniors. Amren, whom I hadn’t interacted with this morning, was a senior.

Azriel gave him a look as though pushing him to calm down, but I answered, “Mor hasn’t heard from him.”

Cassian cast his eyes down and I found myself suddenly eager to assuage his guilt. His attitude now was so at odds with the playful guy I’d spoken with in the weight room. “But I’m sure he doesn’t blame you, Cassian. It was an accident.”

Azriel pitched in. “You’ve got to relax, man. He’s not going to hate you.”

“What if I just ruined his career,” Cassian stated flatly.

Azriel launched into a long explanation for why a foot injury wasn’t going to ruin someone’s career and I realized this was probably the first time I had ever heard Azriel speak. He was definitely the quietest of their group, usually overshadowed by all of his friends. All of them had such large, loud personalities. Mor was both chipper and an absolute badass, Cassian had the confidence of a world leader, Amren took no shit, and Rhys was self-assured and--the thought flew through my mind, unbidden--sexy.

I shook my head. Rhys and his sexiness did not belong there.

But Azriel. . . he was fast. Always traveled to compete with the team. Had decent grades, from what I’d heard. He was one of the few who didn’t hook up with girls from the team. He was just. . . quiet.

Cassian’s voice broke into my thoughts. “Well as soon as I hear from him I’m going to the med clinic or wherever he is. What if he can’t travel with us this weekend?”

Azriel sighed. “He’ll hang out with Feyre, I’m sure. Pretty ideal--” He cut himself off at the look Cassian was now giving him over my head.

“What?” I asked, glancing between them.

“Guess I’m not the only stupid, clumsy one around here,” Cassian finally grinned, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Rhys will hate us both when he gets out of the doctor’s.”

“Bye Feyre!” Azriel said hastily and he and Cassian sped through the doors of our building, up the stairs and out of my sight before I could badger them for details about what they’d meant.

My suspicion grew.

----------------------------------

After my three classes, I headed back to the parking lot to wait for Mor’s lab to finish. I hadn’t realized that I’d be stranded on campus for an extra few hours since she’d been my ride. And almost as if she’d sensed me thinking about her, my phone rang.

“Feyre! Thank God you picked up. I need an enormous favor, that will also happen to benefit you.”

I tried to respond but she trilled on in her usual way. I couldn’t help smiling a little to myself. Mor was so confident with her every word and yet kind at the same time. Nothing like Ianthe, who’d talked over me constantly for the past year and a half, always feeling the need to be in the spotlight of whatever conversation we had, with whoever we were with. I’d take Mor over Ianthe any day, I realized.

“I’m in the middle of my lab but Rhys just called me. His foot is 100% broken. He can’t travel this week, nor can he swim for at least the next month. Don’t get me started on how devastated he is. I feel awful for him, and for how I know Cassian is going to feel, too. The doctors want him to go home but it’s his right foot, so he can’t drive himself. I know you can’t get back to Astrid Oaks until I’m done but. . . What if you got the keys from Rhys and drove him back there? The doctor wants him to rest the rest of the day. No class.”

I didn’t even have to think about it. I owed Rhys enough already and he was probably in a lot of pain, not to mention anxious over his swim season. “Of course. Where is he now?”

Mor told me to head over to the Med Clinic at the edge of campus. “Oh, and Feyre? He has no idea I’m sending you. He’s kind of embarrassed that it’s broken and that his season was just doomed so he might be kind of surprised when you show up! Okay bye!”

She ended the call. Great.

I pressed on toward the clinic though, and found Rhys sitting in the lobby, staring down at his phone, his foot in one of those black boots and a pair of crutches leaning against the chair next to him.

He looked up only when I stood right in front of him. A frown covered most of his face. “Feyre.”

This might have been the first time I’d ever received a less-than-enthusiastic greeting from Rhys. I could tell from his facial expression and tone that he was not in a good place right now.

“Hi,” I said and sat down next to him.

“Mor sent you didn’t she.”

I nodded, daring to glance at him from the corner of my eyes.

He groaned and leaned back in his chair, resting his head against the wall. “I do love my cousin.”

“You’re cousins? I never knew…” I had used to assume that Rhys and Mor had a thing, or something, considering the fact that they’d been roommates since they’d moved out of the dorms. They’re interactions over the past few weeks had mostly disproved that, but. . .

“Most people kind of assume we’re involved in some way. Nope. Just cousins. And because of that, Mor usually takes it upon herself to do things that she thinks will be ‘good’ for me. Often without consulting me on them.”

“How would me coming to pick you up and take you home be considered ‘good’ for you?”

I dared another glance. His ears were bright pink. I instantly regretted my question. I used to think that the great Rhysand Night could never be flustered but. . . Now I wasn’t so sure.

“So you are taking me home?” It didn’t escape my notice that he had avoided my question.

“If you’ll let me. Doesn’t seem like you can drive yourself, and walking would probably take you all day. . .”

He let out a sharp exhale of breath from his nose. “Alright. Let’s go then.” He made to stand but before I could stop myself I had my hands on his shoulders and I was forcing him back down. He stilled at my touch, and I didn’t think it was just because he knew he should stay off his foot.

“No, no, no. You give me your keys right now and I’ll go find your car in the athletics lot and bring it here. You are not crutching your way back across campus.”

“Feyre.” I was pleased to hear he sounded more exasperated than sullen for the moment.

“Rhys.” I put my hands on my hips.

“Fine, Mom,” he said sarcastically and passed me his keys.

“Thank you. Don’t move or you’re grounded.”

Twenty minutes later I pulled up outside the med clinic and found Rhys seated on a bench outside. He used his crutches to get to the passenger side and clumsily got in, pulling the crutches in beside him and tossing them into the back. We were five minutes down the road when he spoke.

“Thank you, by the way.”

“It’s the least I could do.”

“Nothing I’ve done for you over the past two weeks has been because I wanted you in my debt.” He was back to his sullen self. I didn’t like it. I wanted his mind off of his current situation. An injury like a broken bone for an athlete. . . Wasn’t good, to say the least.

“I know. Neither is this. Although. . .”

I waited, but he didn’t bite. His uncharacteristic silence really unnerved me.

“I could think of ways you could repay me.”

“What does that mean.”

I clicked my tongue. “I’m sure you’re well versed in all the ways you can repay a woman.”

He stiffened, then turned in his seat, eyes wide. A smirk erupted across his face. “Why are you suddenly so eager to help me, Feyre darling?”

I smiled at my victory. “Perhaps I’m interested in what the payout for me is, after all.”

He rolled his eyes and settled back in his seat, nothing more than a satisfied male. “When I’m back on my feet again, Feyre, you might just find out.”

And damn me for feeling it barely two weeks after my breakup with Tamlin but I couldn’t prevent the thrill that raced through my body at his words.

Time to get this conversation back on track.

“So what’s the official prognosis?”

“Broken,” he sighed, although his somber attitude was all but gone. “At least four weeks until recovery. They put me in this boot for now and I’ve got to go back tomorrow for x-rays and shit. Crutches until the pain goes away and they clear me to put weight on it. I’m clearly not traveling for our dual meet this weekend.”

I worried he’d slip back into his early drudgeon. “Looks like we’ll have to find something to do with ourselves while everybody’s gone, then.”

Despite himself, he smiled. “Looks like it. Isn’t that going to be a lot of social time for you, though? The Feyre I knew a month ago would probably hole herself up in her room if she wasn’t able to travel. Talk to no one.”

“You barely knew me a month ago,” I reminded him. “You still barely know me now.” I didn’t mention Tamlin’s tendency to insist I hang out with him and only him--or Ianthe. I remembered the day he’d walked in on Lucien and I as we innocently watched a horror movie last year. The fight between the two had been earth-shattering. And all we had done was turn on a movie to watch as friends while we waited for Tamlin to finish a final, or something.

No one but Tamlin and I knew why Lucien had transferred from Prythian University to swim somewhere halfway across the country. And even though Lucien had never had the strength to stand up to Tamlin, he’d been a decent friend to me. Friend and nothing more, and yet Tamlin’s jealousy destroyed his friendship with Lucien and drove Lucien away from the school. It didn’t do much for Lucien’s and my relationship, either. I hadn’t spoken to him in a long time. The reality of my stupidity at remaining with Tamlin hit me again.

Rhys seemed to read my mind though. “I know you more than you think. And I guess now that you’re single it’s easier to have friends. I hope at least that’s a positive for you. I know it must be hard.”

I knew it pained him to say those words and I was grateful for them all the same. “Yeah. There’s a lot less arguing, too. And at least if I want to hole myself up in my room alone now, it’s my choice.”

He didn’t respond for a while. “I guess you’re going to be my personal chauffeur this week while everyone else prepares to travel. No holing yourself up til after then, I’m afraid. I’ll need someone to cater to my every whim.”

“I think the price of my services just increased.”

He reclined in the chair. “I promise it’ll be worth your while.”

“Pig.”

#acomaf au #acotar au #breathcontrol ar ff #a court of mist and fury #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury au #a court of thorns and roses au #feysand #feysand au #college au #nesta archeron #elriel #feyre x rhysand #feyre x rhys #rhysand #high lord of the night court #fanfiction

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natreviewsbooks · 4 years ago

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Kingston and the Magician’s Lost and Found: KATMLF Book Tour

I’m super excited to talk about this next book. It’s a magical story that blew me away with it’s premise and characters. I found myself drawn into this area of Brooklyn where magic lies just below the surface, if you know where to look. I’m so glad to have a copy of this book to go on my shelves, because it’s one that I will love to share with the kiddos in my life. While it carries fantasy elements, themes of family and friendship also permeate this story and makes it all that more stunning to read. Make sure to read until the end to find out how to win your own copy of this incredible book.

I’m super glad to have been selected for this tour by Turn the Page Tours, which if you haven’t checked out yet, you absolutely should! They’ve set up some amazing book tours so far, and have some really neat titles lined up, so if you’re a book lover like me, you should absolutely look into it.

Now, I’m sure you’re dying to know what the book is about so let’s get on with it!

Synopsis:

Magic has all but disappeared in Brooklyn, but one tenacious young magician is determined to bring it back in this exciting middle grade mystery.

Kingston has just moved from the suburbs back to Echo City, Brooklyn–the last place his father was seen alive. Kingston‘s father was King Preston, one of the world’s greatest magicians. Until one trick went wrong and he disappeared. Now that Kingston is back in Echo City, he’s determined to find his father. Somehow, though, when his father disappeared, he took all of Echo City’s magic with him. Now Echo City–a ghost of its past–is living up to its name. With no magic left, the magicians have packed up and left town and those who’ve stayed behind don’t look too kindly on any who reminds them of what they once had. When Kingston finds a magic box his father left behind as a clue, Kingston knows there’s more to his father’s disappearance than meets the eye. He’ll have to keep it a secret–that is, until he can restore magic to Echo City. With his cousin Veronica and childhood friend Too Tall Eddie, Kingston works to solve the clues, but one wrong move and his father might not be the only one who goes missing.

My Review:

I won’t lie to you, I’m a pretty adventurous reader. I’m always willing to try reading stories and genres that I don’t normally read, because there’s always a story that will pleasantly surprise me. Because of this, I’ve learned to go into new stories without many expectations, and to keep an open mind. Kingston and the Magician’s Lost and Found has an incredible way of capturing your attention from the start. Kingston, or King, is a kid who’s gone through something pretty traumatic, the loss of his father during the finale of a magic show. From the start, there’s a lot of underlying emotions and feelings he’s observing, both from within himself and from those around him. King is bright, but there’s no doubt, he misses his dad. There’s a lot to unpack with them moving back to Brooklyn that he and his ma have to deal with, and undoubtedly stirred up emotions within me as I progressed in the story.

Of course, as we’re going through, the magical elements of the story start coming to life. The way the magic is woven through is so phenomenal and the transitions into magical scenes so natural, you almost forget you’re reading a story. There’s also a bit of code breaking involved that I really got into, and leads to some interesting consequences for King involving his hand. Not going to lie, it was definitely a humorous situation which turns a little more serious. Something that this story won’t let you forget though, is that actions have consequences.

The central conflict/mystery centers around trying to figure out how to bring back King’s dad, but there are some warning signs that things aren’t as they seem. There’s definitely some danger and thrills and there aren’t too many characters to keep track of, but each character you meet plays some sort of role in the story that might seem insignificant, but becomes vital later.

I absolutely loved the friendship between King and Too Tall, and the family/friendship that he has with Veronica. What I loved even more, is that Veronica and Too Tall have their own small stories going on, which I loved even more. They’re not static characters that sit in the background waiting for things to happen. What’s more, all of their personalities contrast, but they’re clever and it’s clear that they treasure their bond with King.

Now, I’m not normally a fan of adults in middle grade novels. They don’t tend to be the greatest, but in this book, King’s Ma and uncles are really neat and layered characters. They certainly care for King, but what’s made clear is that they’re going through their own trauma. They’re coming to terms with the loss of a spouse and a sibling, and are trying to protect King in their own ways. All of it creates a really well rounded story.

Finally, I want to talk about that cover. It’s got lots of motifs and visuals that are hints to the story. The colors stand out and make it look amazing on a shelf. Overall, this story is definitely a 5/5.

Book Title: Kingston and the Magician’s Lost and Found

Author: Rucker Moses and Theo Gangi

Publisher: G.P. Putnam's Sons Books for Young Readers

Release Date: February 16, 2021

Genres: Middle Grade, Fantasy

Goodreads link: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/51151742-kingston-and-the-magician-s-lost-and-found

Book Purchase link:

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/573019/kingston-and-the-magicians-lost-and-found-by-rucker-moses-and-theo-gangi/

Theo Gangi is a novelist and writing teacher based in Brooklyn. He’s written several acclaimed novels and short stories, and he’s worked on shows for Netflix. He writes far-out adventures that happen right next door. He directs the MFA program at St. Francis College and lives with his wife, young son, and their dog. Kingston and the Magician’s Lost and Found is his first book for young readers.

Author Links:

https://www.ruckermoses.com/

https://www.instagram.com/rucker.moses/

https://twitter.com/moses_rucker

https://www.facebook.com/rucker.moses

http://www.theogangi.com/

https://twitter.com/tprgangi

GIVEAWAY:

Enter to win one (1) finished copy of Kingston and the Magician’s Lost and Found by Rucker Moses and Theo Gangi! Open USA only. There will be 1 winner.

Giveaway starts: Monday, February 15, 2021

Giveaway ends: Monday, February 22, 2021 at 12:00 a.m. CST

http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/1e4a114d23/?

#book review #book love #kingston and the magician's lost and found #book tour #turn the page tours #ttpt #books and libraries #reviewer #book #review

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stayforya · 5 years ago

Text

I DON’T KNOW IF WE CAN BE FRIENDS | PT. 1

member: hwang hyunjin

genre: college!au

words: 5.4k

summary: there were no doubts you and hyunjin would be friends for life, nothing would be able to tear you apart. except one of you.

a/n: another au based on a song, this time it’s by hollyn. i’m thinking about a part 2, this story may need one. if you think so too, please tell me <3

link to part 2

“I love you, y/n. everything about you”

you remember those words like an echo in your head

if you’re in silence, they come back

you end up thinking about it over and over again

you remember the kiss hyunjin gave you after saying that

you were lying your head on his shoulder

and his gaze, you swear, could make you fall in love a thousand times

his lips tasted like cherry and love was almost touchable when they reached yours

you and hyunjin met years ago

he was in a big part of your life

all your high school memories had him because your friendship was too strong

it’s like never wanting to be far from each other ‘cause you were never tired of each other

morning, afternoon, even some evenings you spent together

talking about anything

hanging with some friends

crying over the tests you had to do in order to find a university

the days when the sunshine was too strong and weather too hot so he bought you ice cream even if you didn’t ask

the days when the rain was pouring and the weather too cold so he’d put his jacket over your head

he’d hug you when you were at the peak of stress

he knew it calmed you down

it was the ‘once in a lifetime’ kind of thing

you didn’t believe in only one true love during life, but you knew what you had with hyunjin was definitely special

life has its own path, though

you two finally kissed, but none talked about becoming more than friends

you were enjoying each other in a new level, which everyone already suspected but for a long time it was truly only friendship

by the way you two were involving into the relationship, it would end up happening

you kissed and said things you already said to each other before

like ‘I love you’

but it sounded different

it wasn’t just a friendly ‘I love you’

it felt like dating, but you didn’t want to discuss or label the relationship

you wanted to live it

hyunjin never had any problem in giving you hugs, even when your friends kept making some jokes about you two

he never stopped touching you because of what people said

but when you two confessed

and kissed

you kinda felt like he felt more free

he touched your hair, kissed your cheeks, looked at you closer, locked his fingers in yours

whenever he had an opportunity he’d come to you, put his right hand on your neck so naturally

and kiss you

say funny or beautiful things next to your ear

laugh when you tied his hair and played with it while he worked on some math exercises

all memories

it was hard to swallow that truth

one day, exactly one week after you got your acceptance letter

hyunjin got his

but he didn’t look so happy

even though it was his dream university

you didn’t understand

“this is amazing!”, you said, giving him a hug

he hugged you back but his smile wasn’t the same

“it’s your dream uni, right?”

“yeah yeah”, he answered, “do you want to eat ice cream?”

why did he suddenly change the subject

you agreed anyways

you tried to talk about it again, but he didn’t seem like he wanted to keep the conversation

days went by, the last days of high school

everything between you two was normal

specially during the last week

he took you to the cinema

took you to an amusement park

brought you flowers

spent a lot of time with you

and in every event he created to enjoy

you thought he was about to ask to be your boyfriend

but no, you were wrong

and the last date, on Friday

he took you home, kissed your forehead

and said “I love you, y/n. everything about you”

he held the entire galaxy in his eyes

caressing your hair and looking at you

saving that moment in his memory

right there, the sunset behind you two

you kissed like it was the first and last time

the beginning and the end of something, you didn’t know how to explain

but it kinda felt like a farewell

you loved him, too

you always did, and you didn’t plan to stop

during the same night, before going to sleep

you were so immersed in feelings and thoughts

you sent him a message

saying how you felt

how good it was to be with him and how much you wanted to spend a lot of time with him

his presence was enough cause he was enough

after that, you just went to sleep

in the morning, he hadn’t replied yet

day went by, and still, he didn’t reply

on sunday he still didn’t give you any sign

on monday, when the whole class gathered at school to prepare for graduation day

hyunjin wasn’t there

everyone was asking you

and with a broken smile you answered “he couldn’t come today”

after school you finally decided to knock on his door

no one was home, not even his dog

did he suddenly turn into dust and disappear? did he go to space or something like this?

you sat in front of his house, putting your backpack aside

since his house’s wifi connected automatically on your phone, you just stayed there scrolling through your phone

waiting

30min later, a car parked

he and his mom came out of it and you stood up

as soon as he saw you, you could notice the worrying expression on his face

his mom saw you there and came immediately

“oh, hi, y/n! did you spend a lot of time waiting?”

“hi, hm no, I just got here”, you lied and gave her a smile

“do you want to come in?”

“thank you, I have to go home because it’s getting dark”

hyunjin was doing things slowly as if he wanted to avoid talking to you

when he finally closed the car’s door, coming on your direction

your heart started beating faster

you were a mix of mad, relieved and disappointed

how could you start that conversation?

“hey”, hyunjin said and it was almost a whisper

“I don’t understand what’s happening”

“I couldn’t go to school today”

“you didn’t say anything after friday night. what am I supposed to think?”

he looked at the ground, running one hand on the neck

“I’m sorry, y/n”

“hyunjin… did you… regret? if so, just tell me”

“no, I regret nothing, y/n”, in that moment he looked at you and you could see the sincerity in his eyes, “but there are so many things happening”

“so tell me! I’m your friend, remember?”

he took a deep breath

“I’m moving. the university I’m attending isn’t here so my family decided to move.”

why didn’t you think about it before?

of course after high school things change

“when?”

“we went there today to see a new place, by the end of this week I’m probably moving already”

“so that’s why?”

he didn’t understand your question

“that’s why you did it all last friday? was it your way of treating me the best you could to say goodbye afterwards?”, the words came out quickly

“y/n…”

“is that it, hyunjin?”, you were very serious

he took a while to finally say something

and you wish he didn’t

you wish he said something else

because it hurted

“yes. we won’t be able to date in this situation, I’ll be in another place and it wouldn’t be fair to you”

“did you ever ask what I think about it? I mean-”

“it wouldn’t work, y/n. it’s also a new step in our lives. maybe it’s for the best”

“would you tell me if I didn’t come all the way here, waited for you and asked? would you go there to break up with me or would you simply ignore me and move on?”

your voice didn’t show all the madness because you weren’t only mad

you were also sad and disappointed so you just kept talking fast, but not angry

he always looked in your eyes

and the fact that he wasn’t at that moment

seriously…

why was he acting so cold?

you never saw hyunjin like that before, not with you

but you knew his bodytalk well enough to know what he was feeling

he just didn’t want to show

“I’m really sorry, y/n…”, he touched your right arm

for the first time it felt different

you held his arm before he could go

“did that mean something to you?”

you both knew what ‘that’ meant

the kiss

the ‘I love you’

the moments you shared, not only as friends, but as two people who had feelings for each other

“hyunjin?”, his mom’s voice came out of nowhere

he didn’t get in so she wanted to make sure if he was still there

“I have to go”, he said

your hand let go of his arm as if it was toxic

you turned your back at him and kept walking

and walking

your steps were so firm and you felt so mad

but at the moment you got home, after a long walk

your body fell on your bed and the tears came down

silently

you’d never

ever

be friends with him again

what happened crushed it all

your friendship, your relationship

any trace of feelings should be gone

you had a lot of pictures of you two on your phone

good memories

your finger was almost deleting everything, but you’d regret

saving those moments in pictures would make you look back and feel good

in the future, maybe, not now

there was a video

of you filming the sunset and suddenly he comes running

getting closer and filling the screen with his smiley face

your voice saying “noooo” and laughing right away

dang

it hurt

you thought it would be hard to see him the next day at school because you didn’t know how to treat him

talk? ignore?

but turns out he didn’t even go

probably too busy with his ‘moving’ things

who cares

finally the other day he was there

you arrived and he was already sitting on the place you used to sit together

since those were the last days, your class just had to finish some graduation details

so you didn’t need to talk to him

mainly because he didn’t seem to care at all

you could feel his glances

but he was the one who broke up, wasn’t he?

so it wasn’t up to you run back to him

of course it hit you hard

not because of the love relationship

but the long term friendship you guys had

if you ever knew it would be ruined like this…

after graduation, all the news you had from him were by watching his instagram stories and seeing his posts

he was already living well in his new place, making some friends and taking pics of everything like he used to

you didn’t talk again

you didn’t go to say goodbye when he left, but you almost sent a message

and deleted it all before having the courage to send it

you just had to go on with your life

also, uni wouldn’t take so long to start

the next couple months were, firstly, chill and, then, busy

you needed to get ready for this new chapter of your life and you were pretty excited

you found a nice roommate

the university was huge, so different from high school

so many things happening at once

you were still trying to absorb everything

the first weeks were quite hard

you had a lot to catch up on

new subjects, new people, new life

in the end of the day you were always tired, so you just took a shower and went to sleep

just after the first three months you’d say you were 100% adjusted

finally getting to enjoy the weekends a bit lol

“are you going to the festival this weekend?”, one of your friends asked

you made a funny face

“is there a festival happening and no one is talking about it?”

“no, you’re just out of the world”, she laughed

“there’s this band coming, two of the boys are from here”, another friend said, eating one of your fries

“are they famous or something?”

“well, people really like them here but I never saw them live, so…”

“I wonder how they find time to rehearse”

“a friend of mine said they just play for fun, so they don’t rehearse a lot but they’re very good”

“they must be talented, then. are you guys going?”

“of course, some other artists will come too”

“then I’ll think about it”, you said, drinking the last sip of juice

“you know who plays too?”

“tell me”, you faked an interest to make fun of them, cause they were already making fun of you with that question

“lee minho”

your eyebrows raised in real interest

but you tried to pretend you didn’t care

too late, they noticed

“you can’t even hide it!”, they burst into laugh

“I said nothing”

“no need to say, your face showed it all”

“alright, alright”

now you had a motivation

lee minho was a handsome and smart guy from technology department

he was your senior and you met him through some TA classes he gave

everyone knew how fun he was, yet dedicated

knowing he played in a band was unexpected but it did spark more interest

that week was full for you and the only moment you had to breathe was while walking from one class to another

but on friday morning you’d finish everything and enjoy the festival with your friends at night

that’s how it went

you just put a comfortable nice clothing on and went to the field where the concerts would happen

you met your friends there, they saved a place for you

but after a while no one would be sitting anymore

everyone was gathering

when you got up to get something to eat, you met minho on the way

“oh hey”, he smiled at you

“hey”, you sure smiled brighter

he was quite shy but cool at the same time

you didn’t know how, but minho could do both pretty well

“so aren’t you playing today?”, you asked

“ah yeah yeah…”, cutie minho jumped out, “we already set everything up”

“can’t wait”

“oops, careful”, he told someone and put his hand next to your arm as if he was shielding it

you didn’t even understand what happened but by the way the guy said ‘sorry’ he was probably about to bump into you and minho noticed before

“thanks”

“where were you heading to?”

“just to find something to eat”

“can I follow you?”, his eyes. no words to describe. cool minho popped up.

“of course”

you and him were talking about some stupid stuff and laughing together while you waited in a long line to get some hot dog

when you finally got it and was about to go back to your seat, some guys stopped you two

you and minho turned around to greet them

there were two of them

one you already knew, he was also from your uni

the other guy was from another one but minho introduced him too

and when you thought there were only those who played in the band with him

you remembered there was one missing, probably

he came running

tall and handsome

nice clothes on, but a friendly smile

wait

that shirt, you knew it

you knew those sneakers too

that necklace swinging while he ran

your smile was fading

“oh, here he is”, minho said, “this is hyunjin”

never

ever

you imagined

you’d meet

him

again

like this

out of all the possibilities, why like this? how in the world was he there, at your university, friends with minho, playing in a band

you hadn’t seen him since that day

and after a while you just didn’t pay attention to his instagram updates anymore because

one: you didn’t have a lot of time

two: you were getting over

you already did, right?

but seeing him in front of you

the sunset behind him

a pinkish orange sky

the wind blowing on his face

no matter how many days, months, years

he’d still hit right in your feelings when you met him again

and the day was there

he smiled slightly, greeting you

“we know each other”

the other boys were surprised

“we studied together”, you completed

was that awkward? maybe the way you guys looked at each other

it felt like the time stopped, no joke

but you guys made it work out well

“did you come for the concert?”, the other boy asked

“yeah, can’t wait”, you opened a weird smile now that hyunjin was, like, in front of you

even when you weren’t looking at him you could feel his stare

minho made way for you and kept talking until he had to go up and you had to find your seat again

you wished them luck, not directly looking at hyunjin for more than one second

coming back to your seat, you were just wishing so hard that he didn’t notice how nervous you got

“are you okay?”, your friend asked

“for someone who was wandering around with lee minho, you should look happier”

you made fun of her

“of course I’m okay, he introduced me to his bandmates”

“oh shoot, I should have gone with you”, she said in a funny tone

the concert started some minutes later

and that festival feeling

you were really needing that

so many things to do and finally you had time to just have some fun

minho was so amazing playing and singing

your eyes should be stuck only on him

that’s what you wanted

but hyunjin was next to him, you couldn’t help but frame them both and keep staring

it felt like some kind of dream

it couldn’t be real, he couldn’t be there

there was something different about him

still, you could see the same guy you shared so many moments

the song they were playing, the sunset, everything

it made you feel some kind of feeling you couldn’t really explain into words

they sang five songs and after them there were other artists

after they got out of the stage, you saw minho far from where you were

you were trying to communicate

but hyunjin appeared right behind him and started looking at where minho was looking at

which was you

you couldn’t really concentrate on minho with hyunjin there but you focused a lot to talk to him

he said he was going to eat

and asked if you wanted to meet next to the food truck later

you consented, it was just hard because there were so many people around you

he nodded and smiled, but hyunjin…

he did the same

he knew you weren’t talking to him, still he smiled at you after you and minho smiled at each other

stupid guy

since you were having fun with your friends, you and them watched that concert and only went eat when it finished

another artist was starting a concert

but you guys went to the food place to eat something

you found minho and waved at him

“sorry we’re late”

“no problem”

hyunjin wasn’t there anymore

minho was there with just one of them

“the other boys went home already”, he said as if he could read your mind

“uh I love this song”, your friend said

the atmosphere was very romantic to be honest

even the vocalist told the crowd to find a partner and dance

you weren’t close to the stage but the song was loud, you could hear it and feel the romantic thing in the air

“do you want…?”, minho asked in a cool way, slightly pointing to the stage with his head, just to make sure you knew what he was talking about

“yes”

he was asking you to dance

you held his hand and, slowly, let yourself come closer

because that song needed a slow dance

your arms around his neck were the first step

but after a while, your head was already close to his

and he smelled so good

he danced so well

he did everything well, right?

minho was one of a kind

you guys didn’t kiss, but for a moment you almost did

because you two were just so close, enjoying the song

and right when you had the chance

the concert was over

everyone was standing to applaud

that was the last day you saw hyunjin

he posted a pic of the concert on his instagram and you looked at it for a good amount of time

until you just stopped the thoughts on your mind and kept going

there was a lot to do

months went by

what you had with minho wasn’t a relationship

but it wasn’t a friendship also

he was in a very busy moment of his undergraduate life and you understood that

since you were trying to study the most you could while you had the energy for that, on the first years of undergraduate degree

you met each other every week because of the classes you had at the same building

people were already suspicious that you guys had something

and yes, you did

you just didn’t know how to name that ‘something’

you know what

it felt just like what you had with hyunjin

it had been one year since you and hyunjin broke up

you laughed by yourself

‘break up’

“I love you, y/n. everything about you”

what a joke

minho sent you a message at the same time you were thinking about this

he wrote that the class was about to end and he’d like to see you if you had some time

you two set an hour to meet and you were already excited to see him

maybe because the thoughts of hyunjin haunting you

minho always made you feel light and happy

you took a shower and got ready to meet him

by the amount of perfume, your roommate knew you had a date

crossing the campus to meet minho at the café wasn’t even tiring, you just put some music on your earphones and walked there

maybe because you needed some glasses you couldn’t see pretty well the person walking towards you

oh one was a colleague of yours with whom you had classes together once

the other one you never saw

it was the moment of the year new people were arriving, so that’s why there were some fresh faces

then, as if it was a movie scene, one walking towards the other

it was him

his black shirt, his necklace, his bracelets, rings

so different but still the same

again, after such a long time

right when you were forgetting everything

hyunjin

you couldn’t avoid

or turn around and pretend you didn’t see him

he was right in front of you, kinda lost

you felt your feet stopping before your mind could think about why

everyone was passing by, but you two were stuck right there

what should you say?

what should he say?

did you both have anything to say?

“y/n”

your name sounded prettier coming out of his lips

“you, here?”, you heard your voice as if it wasn’t coming from you

“I’m transferring”

“you what?”, again, you said before thinking

“it’s for a year, initially. if it works, who knows…”

“sorry. hm. how are you?”

this conversation was such a mess

“fine”, he smirked, “you?”

“when did you…”

“I just arrived”

you nodded, looking around

“I didn’t know”, you said

of course you didn’t! was he supposed to tell you after not talking to each other for more than one year?

“yeah… not a lot of people know”

“this sounds… unreal”, you smiled at yourself. not a happiness smile, just a ‘can’t believe it’ smile

“my university offered this, some people from here are going to study there too, so”

“nice, yeah, nice”, you didn’t know what to say

he was biting his lips almost unnoticed, because he was a bit nervous

you didn’t know a lot of new things about of him, if anything, you knew his body language very well

“it’s good to see you again”, hyunjin said

“it’s been a long time”

“that day at the festival, sorry I couldn’t talk to you”

you nodded but changed the subject

“you play well”

“thanks”

the conversation was getting weirder

“do you know where minho is? he said he’d show me around”

“minho? do you guys still play?”

“just when we have time to meet”, he smiled running his hand through his hair

and you noticed everything

but, come on, he did too

he looked at every single movement you made

paying attention to you in a way he didn’t in a very long time

as if he didn’t want to miss the moment

he had gentle eyes

you missed that

you missed him, you just tried to forget

you didn’t solve things; you guys didn’t talk after what happened

he broke up and you had nothing to say

just let him go

“I’m about to meet him, though”

“oh”, he wanted to sound surprised but you could see how half of him knew what was going on. who didn’t notice on the festival day?

“do you want to come?”, you asked

“can I?”

you just gave him the look you always did

and kept walking, knowing he was following you

hands inside the pockets and a little smile on his face

minho was there at the café

he didn’t notice until you got through the door

his face went from happy to surprised

because he saw hyunjin

he talked to you first, giving a hug and caressing your hair

it wasn’t cringy, he knew the limits to affection in public

but hyunjin, after noticing the hug, started looking around

until minho greeted him too

“how did you find me?”, he asked

“y/n”, hyunjin answered

“sit with us, please”

you looked at minho trying to make him send hyunjin away

lol he could do that because he had his savageness

but since hyunjin just arrived, he’d be the nice friend

“what would you like to eat?”, minho asked you

since he wasn’t looking at any of you, both answered

“hm, I-”, you started

“anything is okay”, hyunjin said

you looked at him

he looked at you

minho looked at both

and giggled

“it’s on me, choose whatever you want”

you rolled eyes because of hyunjin

during the whole time, he was talking to minho

why didn’t he already leave?

you wanted some time alone

the date would be so nice if he hadn’t stepped in

here and there you said something, but you weren’t even in the mood

they talked about the band

talked about the university

and the only moment you really paid attention was when hyunjin started talking about his reasons to study there

“I felt bad because my family moved there so I could go to university”, he said

“and now, where are them?”, minho asked

“they’re planning to come live nearby now”

“so everything’s good, bro”

“yeah, they’re very good to me”

“oh, I just remembered. you two know each other, right?”

oh no minho

you didn’t have to…

“yes”, hyunjin answered

“we do”, you said

“but how? tell me”, he was interested and you had to be careful with all the words

why not let hyunjin explain

“we studied together for a long time”, he said, “but, because of university, we didn’t keep in touch”

ha ha ha he’s the funniest

you lifted one eyebrow paying attention to his narrative

“yeah, it’s been a long time”

“so maybe you could help him tomorrow, y/n?”

“help?”

“yes, he needs to find some places and I won’t be able to help him because of my exams”

ok but what about the other guys he knew? I mean, why you?

“me?”, you tried not to sound too bad

“his building is right next to yours”

oh great, amazing, splendid

“ok, I will”, you smiled to minho

since the three of you had finished eating and talking

and your date was successfully ruined by hyunjin’s presence

maybe now you could have time alone with minho

but you were wrong

“I’m sorry, guys, gotta go. I have an extra class now…”

your disappointed expression was noticed by him

he gave you another hug

“see you tomorrow?”

you nodded

hyunjin was pretending to search for something on his phone

“see you, call me anytime!”, minho said to him during the handshake

“thanks, bro, I will”

you watched him run to his appointment

wishing you had some time

it was crazy

cause hyunjin was there by your side too

and when you focused on the fact he was there, your mind became a mess

so you kept walking

and he followed you

you stopped

he stopped too

you turned around

“are you following me?”

“yes, so I can find things easily”

“if you need help, just ask”

“I need help”, he said

“ok, what”

“I have a question”

“I’m waiting”

“what’s going on between you and minho?”

after hearing that, you started walking again

and he was already by your side

“excuse me?”

“I was wondering…”

“we’re friends. very close friends.”

you knew hyunjin, he already knew what was going on, he just wanted to make sure by hearing it from you

“like we were?”

that topic was a bit hard

“no. like I am with him. it’s different”

silence for a while

“I missed you”

you couldn’t help but laugh a little

“you did?”

“I do”

“it was harsh when you ended up things, okay? you were childish”

he was listening carefully

you knew your words were supposed to hurt

“I am sorry. your friendship was… is very important to me, and I didn’t want to lose it”

“we couldn’t help but like each other in another level”

“I know but I was scared. it didn’t happen in a good moment because I’d have to leave anyway”

“before anything, we were friends. you should have told me.”

“I know. and I don’t regret anything we lived together. as friends and… as lovers”

lovers

for the first time, a name to what you guys had

so ‘lovers’ was what you and hyunjin were

for a brief moment

“I also don’t regret anything I told you. how I- I loved you”

“why are you telling me this now?”, you questioned, moved by his words

“better late than never. y/n, you are one of the reasons I am here. you changed my life in so many ways and, yes, I was childish by not knowing how to deal with my feelings”

you already have walked a lot and now you were close to the dorms

you looked at him

“I didn’t have to be one of your reasons”

“it’s not up to you to decide... you are one of them.”

his sweet face staring at you

being sincere with everything he felt

but you didn’t know if it was right to just let go of it all and start again

not as lovers, but as friends

at least friends…

even though you missed him in each and every way

his voice sounded soft and low

“I still love you. you are part of me and I can’t let go so easily. I wanted to tell you this for a long time, I wanted to say sorry and maybe try again.”

he reached out for you

“I don’t want to be a stranger to you like we have been for a very long time, hyunjin…”

“me neither. let the past be past. I want to be a friend again”

friend or lover, you wanted him

he was a part of you hard to let go, too

it could be easier

just say yes and become friends again

but the process isn’t easy like this

to start over would be complicated

it would mean you’d have to restore each other’s confidence

and take the risk of falling in love again

this risk… it was too much

he would always mess with your feelings, as a friend or a lover

and because it was hard

because you weren’t sure

because he suddenly came back and messed it up again

you had to say

“I don’t know if we can be friends”

his hopeful eyes became a bit sad

you tightened your grip on his hand before letting go

and walked back to your dorm

link to part 2

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celawrites · 4 years ago

Text

Day 11

Mondays. I hate them. Like whoever has the name Monday is an automatic joy kill. I’m not too sure about that fact but I hate Mondays. I’m not sure when I started to have them, but I guess the idea of going to school again after 2 days of rest is just pure annoying.

I skip a proper breakfast today and grab a bag of turtle chips I bought yesterday. Cooking could wait. I start the car and get out of my neighborhood. A call comes in.

Sun is calling…

“My oh my Sun? Whatever could you be calling me at 7:00 for?”

“Can you drive me to school today?”

“Are your parents not home?”

“No, it’s just my brother had a morning class today and took the car with my parents”

“So you’re home alone?”

“Essentially”

“Send me your address. Do it quickly too, I was about to get on the freeway”

“Sent”

“Alright~, See you later! Love you!”

“I literally haven’t said I like you back yet and you’re already saying you love me?”

“I say it to everyone darling. I like you is my term of endearment, because love you sounds more natural after a conversation”

“You make no sense”

“Neither do my grades”

“Alright see you in 5”

“See you”

The drive to his house is. Chaotic. I’m having a crisis comprehending that he would call me of all people to carpool with. Pebble had a car, lived closer to him, and he probably could’ve carpooled with her? But then again he doesn’t like her that much. Probably because I’m tolerable or something. What if he likes me back? No! That is the most irrational thought I’ve ever had wtf. Who in their right mind would like me? My thoughts are interrupted when I end up at his house.

“Get in loser, we’re going to school”

“Sounds boring.”

“Says our Valedictorian”

“Will you stop calling me that?”

“Mm. No”

“Remind me why I decided to ask you to drive me to school again?”

“Because you loooooove meeeee” A look of disgust from him.

“I’m joking. Because I’m the only tolerable one in our class”

“Pretty much yeah”

“So. Got your eyes on any of our juniors?”

“No I’m not attracted to any of them. I have decided my last crush was enough”

“Oh come on. Clinging onto the past isn’t good for your mental health you know”

“Says the one who still can’t let her feelings go”

“oK IN MY DEFENSE I GREW EXTREEMLY EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO HIM”

“Clinging onto the pAsT iSnT gOOD fOR yOUr MEnTaL HEAltH yOU kNoW”

“Stop quoting me!”

“Wise words from someone who doesn’t even follow them”

“I’ve been attacked. Remind me to never drive you to school again”

“Does that mean you’ll finally stop texting me at 3am to go to McDonalds with you?”

“Nope. 3am and 7am hit different. They don’t vibe the same”

“You make no sense”

“Good to know you finally caught my vibe”

“Remind me how you managed to publish a book?”

“I don’t know. I wish I did sometimes”

“How’d you even publish one?”

“I ran a blog. Which no one at our school knows about, and someone contacted me to publish the story I was writing”

“I’ll make a mental note to find your writing blog”

“Have fun trying”

“You use the same username for literally everything, it’s funny how you think I won’t be able to find it”

“. you got me there”

“I could always text your public school friends and ask them about it”

“Only one of them follow the blog. And like the rest of them don’t even know about what I do”

“Why?”

“The Canadian friend. The last time I went to visit him, he asked me if they were really my friends. I had told him about how they told everyone my secrets”

“Ah. Well.”

I look at him in the corner of my eye.

“I know I may be emotionally constipated.”

“pFFt”

“Let me finish. But I really wanna repay you for being there for me when I needed someone. So if you have any successes or things you wanna vent about. Uh. You can come to me?”

“I’m touched. This is why our school questions our friendship”

“Because you’re the only girl I hang out with?”

“Yeah. You’re such a softie too!” I coo. “I wonder what our classmates would say if they found out that you’re so emotionally vulnerable!”

“I would never hear the end of it”

“But honestly. I feel like all the students in our school tend to put up a facade. No one ever mentions having anxiety or being anxious or paranoid about things. I only found out about that vulnerable side when I had left”

“Being anxious is normal. It would be unrealistic to be emotionally stable”

“You’re only saying that because you’re emotionally unstable. I honestly think you’d be more stable if you had a girlfriend or something”

“You’d let me?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Only if it’s me~” I laugh immediately after.

“Hopeless romantic as always”

“hEy! LEt me live in my fiction!”

“Whatever floats with you”

“I’d rather drown-”

“Your humor has gotten so dark-”

“Whose fault is that?”

“Yours”

“No my dad’s”

“Your dad?”

“My public school one. The father figure that I lack”

“I was gonna say. I didn’t take you for one who would get a boyfriend”

“Ok. No one wants to date me. I’ll just end up as the cat lady”

“If you do end up getting a cat, I call dibs on naming them”

“No. My precious baby” I pout. The school is in view now.

“You don’t even have a cat yet?”

“Still. My precious baby”

“You’re boring”

“Mm” I hum in agreement. I’m parking the car at this point. It’s 7:25 and we arrived at our normal time. He wasn’t one for a morning snack, and I wasn’t particularly hungry either.

“Are you not going to go grab breakfast?”

“Why would I?”

“You literally had a bag of chips for breakfast”

“So? It’s not like I’m gonna pass out from lack of nutrients or something”

“It’s not good for your health”

“When has my health ever mattered”

“Since now. Swap seats with me I’ll take you to Starbucks for a sandwich or something”

“No”

“What do you want?”

“You-” I cackle and he flushes red. “I’m jOKING JKSFGW I’M SORRY SUN”

“Ok but what do you actually want”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Even if I take you to Paul’s Place?”

“hHHHHH. I’m not h-hungry”

“Let’s go. We can walk over”

“We literally have like 20 minutes. That’s not nearly enough time to grab food”

“Then you’ll let me raid our school’s kitchen. There has to be some sort of leftover food there”

“You’re telling me to whAT?”

“I know you have the keys to every room at school. Don’t think I didn’t see you asking the principal for them so you could arrive here at 5am in the morning huddling in a classroom for vibes”

“I’m hurt”

“Open the kitchen for me. I’ll make you a sandwich or something”

“Aww. You’re gonna cook for me?”

“Would you rather do it yourself?”

“I’d rather starve”

“I-. You’re insufferable”

“Thanks, I get that a lot”

“What do you want for breakfast”

“A hug”

“That’s illegal”

“nO THE CONTRACT JUST SAID NO DATING I HAVE A PHOTO HH”

“No hugs until you eat breakfast”

“So you’ll hug me if I eat breakfast?”

“We’ll see”

“bREAKFAST HERE I COMEEEEE”

The kitchen was pretty much empty other than the sauces. There were a couple leaves for a salad, and the ranch dressing that I had grown to hate but I had to eat what I could. There was no way I was allowed to run off. He had kept me within the inner side of the kitchen where I couldn’t leave without him trapping me in.

“If you take any longer people are going to think that we’re doing the deed in here”

“You’re disgusting”

“Ok but like you’re gonna get teased either way”

“We are not going to do the deed in here”

“If this were public school then someone has definitely-”

“BUT THIS IS A CHRISTIAN PRIVATE SCHOOL SO NO HORNY”

“hiSSS”

He glares at me for another couple of seconds while I start to scarf down my salad.

“dON’T CHOKE ON IT. YOU’RE GOING TOO FAST”

“lET ME CHOKE ON MY SALAD. I SHALL GLADLY EMBRACE DEATH��

“nO?”

“yO wHAT ARE YOU TWO UP TO IN HERE?” Someone’s head popped in.

The two of us screamed. And I ended up choking on the salad. Helping me regain my breathing, he gazed at the person who had burst in.

“Is there ever going to be a time when you don’t just burst into the room I’m in?”

“Nope. But I’ll probably stop if you move out for college”

“I swear”

It’s his brother. I offer a smile and throw the now empty plate away.

“I hate ranch. If I have to eat that anymore I’m going to kill someone” I cough.

“As much as we know how to hide a body, I don’t exactly want to be an accomplice in a murder”

“Don’t worry about it Z. If anyone’s going to jail with me it’s your brother”

“What did I do???”

“Become my friend and partner in crime. You know, the usual”

“Can’t you get Sam to hide the body for you?”

“What’s the fun in that? You know more about the human body”

“oH?” His brother wiggles his eyebrows.

“The first bell’s rung. Let’s get to class”

“See you later Z!”

“See you!”

So class starts again. The day is calm, welcoming, serene. The day passes and I’m home again. Today’s supposed to be a McDonalds night but I end up waking up late for the 3am run.

Clown: I’m late today McDonalds?

Sun: Z wants to go But I want sleep

Clown: I’ll pick him up Tell him I’ll be there in 10

Sun: Got it

Seen at 4:03

My car starts and I drive towards his house. I’m already in my school uniform and my bag is in the seat next to me. My lights are dim so I don’t wake anyone in their home. I see his brother open and close the door, then slide into the seat next to me.

“Ready to go?”

“Yea. McDonalds right?”

“Yea”

The drive is quiet. He looks out the window while my music plays softly in the background. He probably isn’t as awake. Their dynamic at school is reversed at home. I never understood why.

“Is something bothering you?” My voice is soft. And he sighs.

“Are you sure you want to listen?”

“Always”

“I met this girl online. I thought we hit it off really well too. She was flirting and everything with me. I found out a few days ago that she had a boyfriend. It turns out she only started to talk to me because I had a rank that she wanted to be in. She broke off contact with me yesterday. I guess it hurts. I really thought she could be there for me for high school too”

“Don’t let it drag you down. It sounds rude to say that, but you have your whole life ahead of you. One small bump along the way won’t matter to you in the future. So focus on what you want to do and reach for it. If you ever need someone to be there for you my number is always there. Text me whenever you need, I’ll always try to be there.”

“One bump along the way…Thank you. I kinda get why E’s always going to you for help”

“It’s not much. The least I can do is listen to your worries.”

“But you aren’t obligated to do that”

“Yeah. But it doesn’t matter. I want to be of some help.” I pull up at the McDonalds drive through.

“Hey darling!”

“Hey. Can I get the usual and then… Do you want ice cream?”

“Wait the machine works?”

“Yes or no.”

“Yes please”

“And a large M&M McFlurry?”

“lARGE?”

“Of course darling! Did your friend go through the breakup blues?”

“More like got emotionally attached to one of those internet bunnies”

“Holy. That’s the worst. It’s on the house then”

“yOU caN’T JUST DO THAT”

“I DO WHAT I WANT I’M THE MANAGER”

I gawk and drive up to the second window. He shoots me a grin and hands me the food. I pull out my card to pay but he’s already gone.

“That little piece of sh-”

“Thank you” Z mumbles silently.

“Ah. Don’t worry about it! It’s the least I can do as your driver.”

“But you didn’t need to?”

“Internet bunnies are the worst. I would know”

“I’m not gonna ask how you know”

“Haha” I laugh. “Welcome back Z”

“A moment of weakness”

“3am hits different. Don’t worry about it. We’re all emotionally fragile”

“Especially the three of us”

“I would guess.”

“Ready to go?”

“Let’s”

And the rest of the night passes with laughter, smiles, and jokes.

Previous : Masterlist : Next

#fluff #angst #bc theres actually angst this time #writing #fiction #365 days of rejection #365 days of writing #projects #quarnatine projects #i hope this helps with college admissions lmAO #my ocs #365 days

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moldy-mold · 5 years ago

Text

Diary Post: My Thoughts and Processes on Making “Silent Strength” It’s lengthy, taking place over long period of time. Mainly written for my future-self to remember what I went through, but also for anyone who is curious. Now that the project is over, I can post without reservations. There are certain things I need to keep secret though, so if I’m vague I do so intentionally!

Basically, a lot of number-crunching, physical labor, and psychological labor.

It started off as kind of a joke tweet I made. I had enough content to make a Tales Of art book and people were receptive to it. So… I thought maybe I could go somewhere with this. A few weeks later, I suddenly had a lot of Kratos art. Like. 80% of all my Tales art was Kratos. It didn’t make sense to make a broad Tales Of book when really most of it was Kratos.

I hadn’t made a book since I was in college despite it being one of my favorite things to do. They were never art books, just some editorial design projects that totally didn’t count. This book… would be my first-ever art book.

Several times, I came close to having enough art to print a book - the last time was my large collection of Yusuke Kitagawa, but the quality wasn’t where I wanted. At that time, I was still experimenting with my iPad Pro and figuring out Procreate, so that was what I used him for.

NGL, I was pretty afraid of looking like a clown. After doing all this work, what if no one actually buys it? I was talking to some friends and they said they would buy it. It was enough for me. In the end, I’m creating something that I love. - The first thing I really wanted to work on was the cover. It needed to be epic but also mysterious (lol)… It was a good time to practice lighting and backgrounds. The cover had to be freaking Fantastic. I spent 3 days drawing nonstop. I was on vacation so I could spend full days just drawing. It was really intense. I would stop in the evenings to go for a run or else my legs would never get circulation again.

The hardest part was keeping it secret. I wanted to share it with the world right away bc I was so proud of it. Well, all I could do was show it to my parents and some close friends. They didn’t know who Kratos is, but it was obvious I was crazy about him.

Initially, I was doing some hand-lettering for the zine title instead of using a typeface. Tbh, I was so sure I was naming this zine “Blame Your Fate!” bc that is such an iconic line. But it just didn’t work with my cover, which looked… a little too serene for that. So… Silent Strength or Divine Strength? I asked around and got my answer.

But what size? All of my art has been on letter canvases. I wanted it to be large so you could see the details in the art. I’ll just start with that. - Luckily, I had all my Kratos-related art in one place. I started my InDesign file and threw everything in there just to see what it looked like. Man, I draw a lot of boxes… But I didn’t want them all next to each other. I also wanted to kinda organize it by the people Kratos hangs out with. There’s a Yuan section LOL… and a Lloyd section… and an Anna section. Idk, I tried to get some kind of order in there with a sprinkling of full spreads here and there to keep it fresh and interesting for the eyes.

I hadn’t worked with InDesign on such an intense level since college. I forgot all of the tips and tricks we learned in class. Spent some time reading on how to do things again… like adding page numbers. - I started drafting my pre-order form. It’s my first time making a google form like this. It��s kind of fun? I spent a long time on it, despite how simple it was. This was going to be my “Store” so it had to look and sound good. - My friend introduced me to charm-making. It seemed easy enough, and I wanted to give my zine more oomph. Besides, I’ve always wanted to make a charm.

I remember someone saying they’d buy a book of just the 4 Seraphim if it existed. I like them too and they lack art imo. In the end, I decided to do a polaroid charm. It’s not really that unique but I wanted Kratos to have actual friends to hang out with for once LOL.

She was going to do a group order to try to reduce the costs. I thought maybe 4 weeks would give me enough time. In the end she said I only have 2. I work well under pressure, so needless to say, I did make that deadline. I actually sketched the whole thing on the plane headed home. - After playing the game the second time, watching the OVA again, and reading “Offerings to a Star,” I have gained a real soft spot for Yuan. My friend once said, “If you weren’t stolen away by Kratos, you would be in love with Yuan.” Lol. I’ve been in a “Kratos and Yuan hanging out” mood lately, so of course I needed something good for the zine. They’re so cute together! Now… what is the bro-est thing I can draw?

I was currently in Florida for my friend’s wedding. I was friends with the groom and his best man since high school, so that makes it 10 years now. Seeing how they’re still friends after all this time, despite living in opposite sides of the country, was really moving to me. Of course, me being me, I could see Kratos and Yuan’s long friendship being similar to this, if they had gone to school together. I just had to draw it. - When I got back from vacation, I did some research on zine sizes. Mine was HUGE compared to others. I just didn’t quite realize it until I held a magazine in my hands. It really is huge…

I settled for a medium size. 7x9. I really liked how it looked. Petite but not too petite. Unfortunately resizing my book had messed up my artwork placement so I spent hours rearranging all the text and resizing my images. I found out afterwards that there’s a way to retain the format while changing the document size. Gee, that would have been helpful 4 hours ago.

Sadly, choosing a custom size booklet makes printing more expensive. But I wanted it badly enough that I’d be willing to pay for it. Letter size is just too large… - I decided to stop dragging my feet and post a promo. I just really needed a deadline for myself to get this all done before July ended. I’m happy it was well-received. A lot of people like Kratos huh…

Anyway, the pre-order is due in a week and I still don’t know what all the costs are yet. I need a physical proof ASAP to weigh at the post office! - Something possessed me one day to do another drawing. I don’t usually do painterly style (mainly because it’s really difficult and takes 10x longer) but I just REALLY wanted to push myself on this Final Piece to the zine. I wanted it to be… radiant. Almost religious. I worked on it obsessively. From breakfast to sundown. The only time I would stop was at 7pm to go running or else my legs would give out on me.

Call me crazy, but I would save my progress on my phone so I could examine it for errors during my warmup. I also spend an hour examining it for errors before going to bed. It’s a miracle I hadn’t dreamt of the painting. - I sent my files in on Sunday in hopes that they start working on it first thing on Monday…. and it HAPPENED! They finished before I even woke up. I think they start work at like 6am…

Of course, I drove over there as soon as I heard so I can get a look. “Please… please let the colors be okay,” I prayed as I was driving. I barely remember driving there, I was so lost in thought. It would be another long ordeal if I had to fix all the colors.

Thank the stars. The press proof looked BEAUTIFUL!! I was screaming to the client coordinator how much I loved it. I mean, I worried for a looooong time that everything would turn out too dark (it usually does) but it was PERFECT. I was especially worried about the cover, which contained a lot of yellow and I def did not want it to come out mustardy… But it was great in the end!

The press operator is a quiet man. He’s got a scary face and never smiles but I think he’s secretly nice. He has done a lot of favors for me in the past without my asking. He was the one to print, bind, and trim the book for me. Obviously he had to have seen what I was drawing. I wonder what he thought of it…? He walked away before I could express how happy and thankful was. He didn’t need to hear it. It was like he already knew. So cool…

I immediately took it to the post office to weigh it. I needed as much info as I could get and plus, I was dying to know for myself. This is the week I was supposed to open pre-orders and there was still a lot I needed to do. Take pictures, create mockups, pricing, etc.

NGL, all of these costs were building up fast. It was so darn expensive to make a zine while also keeping prices down. But I wanted so much more for my baby. Extra glossy cover, perfect binding!! I knew by the end of this, I probably wouldn’t make much money. It hurt a little, but I tried to think that it was for the greater good. Learning experience and all that. And creating something beautiful. Especially something beautiful of Kratos. - Pricing was really the hardest part. I pretty much threw profit out the window. However, I definitely did not want to be losing money. My dad and I had worked together to create a spreadsheet of expenses to make sure my head was above water. I followed it… loosely.

My friend came to talk to me at the right moment. I was sort of panicking at the prices. She made me realize I was thinking way too hard about it and gave me some tips based on her own experience. It really put my mind at ease talking to someone who understands my woes.

The truth of the matter is, the book is wonderfully made and has a lot of pages - countless hours of drawing. There is only so much I can do about pricing. It is what it is… I just needed to come to terms with my own worth. - Boy, what am I going to do once the zine is done? My friend says that I’ll be so over Kratos that I’ll stop drawing him (but the love remains). It’s like… all of the intense planning, working, struggling nonstop will just suddenly… stop. TBH, I’m running out of ideas. I spent it all on the zine. - Photoshoot today. I had to paint my nails purple for this occasion. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the look I wanted in the apartment. It’s just so naked without props. I think I’ll take it to a cafe for some nicer backgrounds. I talked it over with my friend and decided to do a quick flip-through of the zine as a promotional video. I used the most professional video program I had on hand… Snapchat. It actually turned out pretty legit and of course I slapped stickers on there because it’s Snapchat.

I had to tape/hide some of the pages for the video because I wasn’t actually done with the drawings. I had the printers print it anyway so I could examine it for color accuracy.

I’m really stressed about pricing now. It turns out I had a lot more international fans than I anticipated. I wish I took notes on interest earlier in the game to cater to them. I had a list of “possible buyers” and I only just now decided to check where they live? Foolish.

I did another cost analysis on paper to figure out what my goal was to make up for the charms. Right now they’ve cost me a fortune for something that was supposed to be giveaway. Other things that rack up are packaging costs, PayPal fees, and some other supplies I needed for this project.

Maybe I shouldn’t have made it 40 pages. It is an impressive number, but no one is really paying for quantity. I think 25 is a better number lol. If I had done that, I could have had my super-gloss cover like I wanted. :’(

There is hope though. And I’ve placed it in the hands of my followers to come through for me. I think I’ll open pre-orders on Saturday or Sunday, depending on what I finish. - “Losing your cool will only lead to poor decisions.”  Thanks, Kratos twitter bot. You always know what to say.

I read this post today on what makes people buy zines. Very interesting!  https://twitter.com/andythelemon_/status/1141469048653398019 - Photoshoot part 2 today. My friend and I went to a cafe nearby that had some nice atmosphere in hopes of finding the right shots. I brought all of my Kratos merch just in case. I’m glad I did though, since the tables were pretty sparse and it was difficult to capture the backgrounds without getting a bunch of random people in it too.

I would have been the photographer, but I definitely wanted my hands in the shots. In a way, it was meaningful - to show that this was made by my own two hands. Plus, I wanted to depict natural interaction with the product. It made it feel real.

The photos were cute! I feared it would look a little amateurish with all the merch in there, but I think fun was what I was really going for, not “professional.” And plus the flip-through was a Snap anyway LOL. As long as the photos have good lighting and tasteful composition, you really can’t go wrong with “fun.”

Now that I’ve finished editing my photos, there really isn’t anything holding me back from opening pre-orders. I’ve pretty much come to terms with my pricing. If I fail to break even, I’ll just have to open commissions to try to make up for it. I was telling my friend on the way home, “I gave this zine EVERYTHING I had to give. So at the very least, I won’t be disappointed in myself.” No stone left unturned, no detail left unchecked. It was perfect according to my standards. I really love my zine okay?!

I thought I was crazy for not only choosing a small fandom, I narrowed it down even further by picking ONE GUY to make this zine about. She replied, “Even if it’s small, those people who love him now must be EXTREMELY LOYAL to still be in love with a character from a 15-year-old game. All of them will want your zine.” - I went to bed that night with the intention of making the pre-order post live in the morning. I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake until at least 5 or 6 am. Luckily, I was able to doze off for a an hour or two before I would shake myself awake again. It was a mixture of anxiety and excitement. It was the moment of truth - to see if all my effort made a difference. Was it going to sell? - The pre-order post looked really freaking good. I’ll give it that. I even made a YT account just to post that darn preview video on tumblr lol. It was definitely fun seeing everyone’s excitement and we all just freaked out together.

I broke even! That’s what really matters. Honestly at this point, I couldn’t care less if I made profit or not. I now know how much people really like the zine and that alone made me so happy I could die.

I was particularly fascinated at Google Form’s ability to transfer all the data collected into a spreadsheet. That is extremely helpful. I spent hours organizing the data. It was really fun…?! Now I can tell who gets invoiced and who paid and separate them into categories. IT’S FANTASTIC!

Stayed up late researching how much adding tracking could be. I had a slight panic attack thinking “what if my books got lost in transit?” It would really hurt me to have to reprint books and ship them again. And then I realized I will need to fill out customs forms for all international orders. Yikes, I’m gonna be living at the post office lol. You can print them out at home if you fill out the form online but there are still some things I’m uncertain about. I may visit the post office later this week to ask all my questions. - This morning I sent out everyone’s invoices. I gave the international people the option to purchase tracking. It’s expensive… but I need to provide that option just in case.

I received a nice message from someone who offered to advertise for me on Instagram. Of course, I gave them the OK! I’m really so shocked they would do that… They said the liked the zine so much it deserved more exposure. My dude… I love you… T_T

I thought about advertising on insta myself earlier in the week. For some reason I felt it was going to be fruitless since I don’t have an art account on there with a following. So, I gave up on the idea. Hey it worked out in the end.

I’ve never been so organized in my entire life. I want this zine experience to be perfect. The people have placed their trust in me, so I cannot mess up. - Edited some pages in the zine. The typography must be perfect… It made me think back to undergrad days in graphic design school. Man, if only I can present this as a project - photos, videos, matching accessories and all. I’d probably get an A lol. - Orders slow down after the first day. The rest is just about getting new people to see the post and giving other people more time to decide.

I finished my Kratos stationery today. It’s going to be so cute. My friend said people would want to buy it but I don’t have it in me to do more products at this time. Plus, I want it to be a surprise.

Why make stationery? Well my real job (no, I don’t draw Kratos all day for a living) is a stationery designer! It would feel really wrong not to put into practice what etiquette I’ve learned in this business. Plus, I felt that it was necessary to properly thank all those who ordered. And it’s fun?

I started designing the shipping labels for the domestic orders since I don’t need to fill out a customs form for those. I wish I had sticker labels but… it’s okay. It will still look good in the end. - Every so often, I would get nervous at the amount of money I’m responsible for. Perhaps, if I had a store with existing products I wouldn’t feel this way, but the fact that the books haven’t been printed yet made me scared. I know, I need this money to even print the books in the first place, but I’m just baffled at my customers’ trust in almost a total stranger. I felt pressured that I could not let them down and lose that trust. It probably didn’t help that I watched a documentary on Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) that day.

So, I prayed every single day that nothing would go wrong. I’d check my spreadsheet constantly for any mistakes. It was a little obsessive, but I would rather be that than overlook something.

I began collecting cardboard boxes. My plan was to cut them up to protect the books during transit. I would have preferred hard envelopes but they were a bit pricey. If I have to do more work myself, so be it.

I’ve been getting nice DMs from some buyers. I think my invoice due date scared them… I really did not intend to be strict, but I wanted people to pay now if they can rather than forget about it. This happens at work all the time, so the best thing to do is have it due immediately. It would not look good to have to wait on stragglers when I close pre-orders, so I’ll probably reach out when there is one week left. - My Kratos stationery arrived! Aww it is SO CUTE!!! My babies… I have a lot of notes to write so I got started right away. It’s going to be a lot of work trying to come up with creative ways to say “thank you,” but I don’t mind. I said I was going to put my all into the zine experience so I will.

At long last, the charm order has been put in motion. My friend said it could take a while… I hope it won’t be longer than 3 weeks. I really do not want to keep everyone waiting. I may ship out the ones who did not win a charm first. I mean, there is no reason to make those guys wait. I should ask the charm winners if they still want to wait and see if anyone wants to give it up for someone else who is more patient. Hm. - I finally stopped by the post office today to collect customs forms. I have my work cut out for me since I’m filling all of them in by hand. D:

I’m not used to international addresses so I think I’ll ask for help in checking them for spelling errors and typos. Heaven forbid I mess up on the very last part of the zine experience.

In my nervousness, I decided to reach out about invoices early on. If someone wanted to cancel, I would rather find out sooner rather than later. Everyone was really nice about paying and thank goodness they’re still excited.

Feeling kind of overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, but it’s a good thing. If I don’t know what to do, I can either: cut cardboard, write letters, type shipping labels, draw more Kratos for a… possible volume 2? Someone I talked to today already said they’ll pre-order a second book if I make one. Omg I think I’ll die. But we’ll see. It’s just a joke right now haha… - Preorders end today. I had another nightmare last night that the books could not be printed properly and there was nothing I could do. Why do I keep getting nightmares about the zine! I had one a few days before about people canceling their orders when I asked them about the invoices. I’ll take these dreams with a grain of salt. I’m probably just stressed/worried but everything is going to be okay. When I open my eyes, nothing is on fire.

I received my final proof a few days ago. With all of the artwork completed and changes applied. The book looks good, no doubt about it. There was only one thing I was nit-picky about but it can be fixed. The press operator offered to print another book for me to inspect. I’ll go see it on Monday and then submit the rest of the orders. I also asked to to have a meeting with the press operator so we are on the same page. It would be beneficial to have an understanding of how my book is made so that I may be more helpful to him.

I spent the day preparing shipping labels. I hate to admit, I am not too familiar with the format international addresses so I had an address validator open as I was typing them in. For the most part, everyone was helpful in already formatting their addresses in the preorder form! - My parents called me the day after preorders were closed. They wanted to say congratulations on my success. No one thought it would do this well. I couldn’t be offended by that since I was also guilty of it. I’m happy though. It feels like my love spread across the world and was contagious.

I tried to think of what advice I would give to others. Obviously, genuine love for the subject and hard work were a necessity. But it would be good to consider value. If I were selling it at this price, I had to make sure my pieces and presentation looked the part. I ask myself, if someone else sold it, would I buy it?

I sent out messages to all the charm winners in the morning. I wanted to apologize profusely at the ridiculous amount of time it has taken to get them made. But no, I’ve got to stop apologizing. I stated the facts and left it at that. Everyone was really kind and patient⁠—to which I was thankful for. I don’t usually get that when I’m working customer service. - All the books were done printing in one day. Wow! I went to pick it up immediately of course. I can’t believe all of this is coming to an end. I finished preparing the mailers. All that was left was to stuff and seal the domestic orders. They were the easiest to do so I’m going to ship those first. The rest will need customs forms, which I haven’t filled out just yet. It’s going to be a while for those…

The mailers were quite sturdy with the cardboard cutouts I slipped in them. I have nothing to worry about. I’m sure my babies will be okay! - I took a whole box of domestic orders to the post office today. Wasn’t sure what to expect. But my clerk had to input every single address one at a time while I checked for errors. Omg, why are the post office shipping labels SO HUGE. I thought it was going to be half the size. And they’re ruining my designer labels! Slight panic but oh well…

I had a long long line behind me. I’m so sorry, people. Luckily there were two clerks or I would be really sweating. Despite my intimidating box of zines, the clerk and I had Synergy and we managed to ship all of these in about 15 minutes. I received a very long receipt and quite the bill lol. - Shipped the international orders today. I was kind of a mess since I had no idea what to do. I keep wondering if I can help speed up the process in any way but I don’t think I have the option to ship first-class at home.

When shipping international, keep the post office copy of the customs forms together with the package since they use that to type the address info into the system. Also, we get free tracking, which I did not know about. The other clerk told me that we did not get tracking for international first-class but I guess he was misinformed. It’s good to know for next time. - The charms finally arrived!! And THEY’RE HOLOGRAPHIC?! It was pretty awesome, but it makes picture-taking kind of difficult!! Anyway, I was a tiny bit disgruntled that they got my order incorrect, and I even asked for a reprint. But they said no, so I left it at that. Besides, it seems the holographic effect was well-received.

I like this size that I made. It’s really cute! Larger than your normal charm but not too huge. It’s almost like an Instax photo! - There was one customer who I found lives near me! I asked her if she wanted me to hand-deliver it to her in a public setting and she agreed (to my amazement). We finally met a few days ago and talked for hours and hours lol! I’m glad to have finally made a new friend here in this town but of course she’s moving away in two weeks. <:’3

We’re going to meet again to make the most of her time left. - I shipped the rest of the orders on the following Monday. I HAD to get these out. The poor guys have been waiting over a month! I think I picked a bad time to go because I had a huge line behind me and only one guy working. People in line were getting antsy or mad. The clerk at the other post office was super fast but not this guy…

For some reason shipping to the UK and Japan nearly doubled in price since the last time I checked. RIP. T_T - Omg I finally made a mistake. I wrote a letter to the wrong person. And the contents of that letter are too personalized!!! I am dying of embarrassment!!!!! Screams!! Had to apologize to both customers too!!! Luckily they were good sports about it but I’m seriously kicking myself AAAAAAAA!!!! - The most rewarding part after sending all my babies away is seeing the commentary on my project. It is so so nice to receive positive feedback. People are happy! Happy with something I created out of thin air. Everything was worth it 1000 times over. I can die happy!

I’m especially thankful to those who show understanding for how much effort went into it. It definitely wasn’t easy and I poured way too many hours into it… not that I regret that.

I don’t want to jump the gun but I would really love to make a volume 2. Because I know I can do better than last time. New and improved art and comics! But we’ll see if I make enough pieces for another book. I was against printing 40 pages before but now I kind of like it. It feels more worth it than a 25-page zine. If i’m going though so much effort, might as well bring in the entire package.

I’ll be printing more of this volume for Aselia Con 2020. Now I know people will appreciate it.

#diary

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addierose444 · 4 years ago

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A Typical Week: Fall 2020

We are living through a pandemic, so the word typical seems extremely foreign. Even so, my days still have some structure and regularity. As a college student, my day is very much dictated by my class schedule. To read about my fall 2020 courses, click here. You can also check out the rest of my courses here.

Every morning, my smart speaker starts playing music at 7:55. Do I actually get up at 7:55 every day? Unfortunately no, but I haven’t slept through any classes so I guess it’s okay. To ensure I am up in time for class, I also have an alarm on my phone that goes off 10-15 minutes before my first class. At the end of the day, I have a strict rule of stopping homework at 11:00. While I have been really good at following this rule, it doesn’t always mean I get to sleep promptly. Hence, the poor adherence to my morning wake up schedule.

Monday:

I start the week off with a computer science lecture at 9:20. After class, I listen to the latest episode of The Daily. (The Daily is a sub-30-minute news podcast from the New York Times). You can read about some of my other favorite podcasts here. I also often go downstairs to grab a snack. When I have the time, I like to make and freeze a batch of buttermilk pancakes. To serve, I just pop them in the toaster and then add peanut butter. At 10:55, I return to my computer for multivariable calculus. After class, I head downstairs for lunch. After lunch, I usually listen to an audiobook, a short podcast, and practice guitar. I also post a discussion prompt to Moodle for my job as an RCA. Before my final class of the day, I often read the next section of my calculus textbook. At 3:15 I hop on to Zoom for discrete math. After class, I relax for a bit and then make and eat dinner. After dinner, I work on math homework.

Tuesday:

I start Tuesdays off with a mechanics lecture followed by my news/snack break. I next return to Zoom for thermodynamics. Afterward, I rush downstairs to grab a quick lunch before returning to my room for a guitar lesson. After my lesson, I often listen to a podcast or audiobook before my 2:00 meeting with my supervisor. At 5:00, I hold open hours over Zoom. Afterward, I grab some dinner. Tuesday evenings I read the next sections of my engineering textbooks and complete my revisions for both engineering classes. I also often have math homework to work on.

Wednesday:

Wednesdays proceed just like Mondays, but right after discrete math, I have a ResLife meeting with my supervisor and the other RCAs in my neighborhood (Paradise). Wednesday evenings, I do math homework and start working on my computer science lab problems.

Thursday:

Thursday is my super busy day. Instead of my usual 9:20 start time, I need to be on Zoom at 8:10 for the first part of my CSC 212 lab. (It is because of this class that I try to be up by 7:55 every day). I then have to leave the lab early to get to my 9:20 mechanics class. The day proceeds like a Tuesday, with my news/snack break, thermodynamics, and lunch. The engineering department seems to have most of their talks and presentations on Thursdays from 12:30 - 1:20, so that’s how I spend some of my early Thursday afternoons. At 1:40 I have a mechanics lab until 4:30. Fortunately, the lab doesn’t always run the entire time. (I do enjoy the class, but it’s a really long time to be on Zoom especially on my busy day). Finally, I attend the last part of my CSC 212 lab. I often spend this time helping my peers with lab problems. In terms of homework, I often continue working on math homework. As exhausting as Thursdays are in terms of Zoom, I don’t do as much in the way of homework.

Friday:

My class schedule on Fridays is identical to Mondays and Wednesdays. However, I also have house tea and Uke Club. House tea alternates between 12:30 and 5:00 and Uke Club is at 6:00. It definitely varies, but after dinner, I often do my CSC 212 homework.

Saturday:

My weekends are less predictable than the week. I often start the day off with an audiobook. I usually spend part of Saturday morning working on calculus homework. In the afternoons, I like to work on my thermodynamics homework for the following week. I also always make sure to find time to practice guitar. Recently, I have been writing most of my blog posts on Saturday. Click here to read my recent blog update.

Sunday:

Sundays are always my busiest day in terms of homework. If not completed on Saturday, I make sure to finish my thermodynamics homework. I also complete my mechanics homework and any remaining math homework. Every Sunday evening, I have a SWE meeting. Every other Sunday I have a house council meeting and do my laundry. Lastly, I always submit my hours and weekly report (for ResLife).

#college #Smith College #schedule #fall 2020 #week in my life #homework

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fresh-outta-jams · 6 years ago

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Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Part 12

Namjoon x Reader Author: Admin Mo Summary: You’re in college when your soulmate tattoo shows up, an address. You figure it couldn’t hurt to send a letter, right? Note: I’m so excitedddddddd oof here we go, y’all. Warnings: Some swears, soulmate fluff. Word Count: 3.5k

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, Epilogue

Nervous didn’t even begin to cover the emotions coursing through Namjoon’s body. He was terrified, excited, elated to be getting on the plane, and as soon as he sat down, it all sank in. The next time he got out of this plane, he would be in your state, and then soon after, in a car on the way to your school, and then even sooner after that, he’d have you in his arms, smothering you with kisses and affection. God, it was almost enough to make him pass out.

It had been a while since he’d flown somewhere alone, Namjoon reminisced. He missed the chatter and laughter of his brothers, filling the plane. Instead, sitting in First Class alone, he had to turn to his phone and computer for entertainment. He’d told you a few hours ago that he’d broken his phone, another lie, and that he wouldn’t have it for the rest of the day until it got fixed, so the two of you wouldn’t be able to FaceTime. And, if the problem arose, he’d lie to you about his webcam being dysfunctional too. It was a fourteen-hour flight and you couldn’t have any idea he was on the way, if he wanted the surprise to pay off.

Lily and Grace had offered to keep an eye on you, making sure you stayed at the library, which was where he planned to meet up with them, and therefore, you, when the time came. God, thinking about it made his heart race.

After this flight, he’d be with you. After this flight...He’d. Be. With. You. It was going to drive him mad. Figuring his best bet to pass the time was sleeping, Namjoon lowered his seat and pulled his Koya sleeping mask down over his eyes, his headphones playing something soft and romantic. He had no idea how he would ever be able to sleep when something so exciting was waiting on the other end of that dreamy tunnel for him, but he figured he’d have to if he didn’t want the minutes to crawl by.

So, he let his breaths slow, and he let the music carry him off to a happy place filled with coffee shops and a girl with pink hair and a camera.

***

You were decidedly itchy. No, maybe itchy wasn’t quite the right word. You were antsy, more like it. It was seven. You’d just woken up from a very odd dream about an airplane, which you’d written off as anxiety about your upcoming first flight.

Today was Monday, the first day of exam week, which certainly contributed to your itchiness. And once you unlocked your phone to scroll through the night’s notifications, you got some more answers as to exactly why something felt off.

Unknown Number: Hey jagiya! It’s Namjoon! Your clumsy boyfriend dropped his phone, so I won’t be able to text or call you today. I’m sending this from Hobi’s phone. I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much and I’ll talk to you tomorrow! Have a good day studying for your exams. I know you’ll do well! Fighting!

It was sweet, very sweet. How thoughtful of him, to send you a message instead of leaving you to wonder if your amazing wonderful boyfriend was ignoring you. But that was what Namjoon was: thoughtful. And yet, something still felt off about it, yet you couldn’t put your finger on it.

So, you sat up, stretched, hung your sleeping mask on its designated Command hook, and started down your ladder to begin one very uneventful day of studying.

***

You were a strong believer in study breaks. Cramming without stop always made you more frustrated than anything else. So, every couple of hours, you took a thirty-minute break to talk to the other two friends who had come to cram with you. Well, at the moment, it was one. Lily was taking her Psychology exam, so that left you with Grace, who had her nose in her American History book, jotting notes down in her red, white, and blue notebook.

When she looked up, and caught your gaze, she set down her textbook and smiled, stretching. “Break time already?”

“Yeah, it’s like three.”

“Holy shit that went by fast.” She checked the time on her phone only to find that what you’d told her was accurate. And also, she’d received a DM from your soulmate, the one person you could not know she was messaging. She snatched up her phone as quickly as she could.

Your eyes narrowed suspiciously, that sinking feeling you’d been harboring since this morning returning in full force. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” She blurted too quickly, clearing out her notifications, and with them, any remains of Namjoon’s message. “No, I just, uh, my professor emailed me a study guide and I really needed it.”

“Oh, that’s good…” You nodded, attempting to take a sip from your now-empty glass of tea. Luckily for you, you’d been saving up your meal dollars, so you had enough money for all the tea you could ever drink...and then some. And, in addition, you had to spend all of them before the school year ended, so you figured you may as well use them.

Standing up from the table, you grabbed your empty cup and tossed it in the trash, walking up the stairs to get another one from the tea place on the second floor. While you were gone, Grace unlocked her phone and opened Twitter. It was Namjoon, of course, messaging in the group chat he’d started with Grace and Lily.

RM_fan_94: Around five or six hours left on my flight. How are things going? Is she okay?

GracieGirl: She’s fine, Namjoon. She has consumed around six cups of tea since we’ve been here, tho. Your girl has a problem…

RM_fan_94: She sounds like me with coffee haha

RM_fan_94: Do either of you have tips for when I get there?

GracieGirl: I’m going to send you navigation from the entrance of the school to the library, but besides that, it should be fine. We’re sitting in this little area on the bottom floor.

GracieGirl: It’s her favorite spot, so there’s no way we’re moving.

GracieGirl: Plus, this place is full bc of exams, so we couldn’t really move if we tried.

GracieGirl: Once you get here, go through the door on the front of the building (facing the giant bird statue) and go down the stairs. It’s basically impossible to miss her. She has hot pink hair.

GracieGirl: Also, she’s wearing a BTS shirt.

RM_fan_94: Awwwwww that’s my girl.

Lilyyyy: Exam is FINISHED!! Operation Babysit (Y/N) Commences!

RM_fan_94: I hope you did well!

Lilyyyy: Omg where did she find you? You’re so perfect?? And sweet?? Did she make you in a lab??

RM_fan_94: Probably haha omg. But no, after many debates over the topic, I’ve concluded that she is the perfect one in this relationship. I’m just her hype man.

GracieGirl: Oooookay, Mr. Superstar, whatever you say.

Lilyyyy: Y’all are cute as fuck. I can’t wait for tonight!!!

Namjoon paused for a while before he typed out his next message, sighing to himself as he laid his head back against the seat again.

RM_fan_94: Me either…

***

You sat at the table, drilling film terms until your head started buzzing.You had watched your project so many times, you couldn’t stare at the editing program for another second, or you were sure you would go insane. So, instead, you were studying for your Film Analysis class, reteaching yourself about motifs and mise-en-scene and all of the other terms from the beginning of the semester that had been buried by all of the new things you’d learned thus far.

You still felt itchy. Maybe moreso now than when you had woken up, but itchy nonetheless. It was an odd feeling, like something was hanging over your head, something real and heavy and dropping fast. And yet, the more you thought about it, the less it made sense. Nothing was happening. You were fine. Everything was fine. It was just stress. Yes, of course, that’s what it was. Stress. Logical.

The only thing hanging over your head was your exams and the upcoming flight to Korea. That’s all it was, and it made perfect sense.

You sighed and checked the time on your phone. It was six, and you were hungry. You’d had a muffin for brunch and nothing since then. Time for a break, then. You got up and both Grace and Lily looked, wide-eyed.

“Where are you going?” Lily blurted when she saw you grab your keys.

“I’m hungry.”

“Oh. Gotcha. I’ll come with.” Lily offered, picking up her keys too. “If we take the tunnels, we don’t even have to go outside.”

“That is a good point.” You agreed, waving to Grace, the appointed guardian of your things for the time-being, seeing as she had grabbed food thirty minutes ago while you and Lily were busy working.

The two of you walked through the library and through the tunnels that connected the learning center to the building next to it, where there was a selection of fast food places. You got in line at the sandwich place and scrolled through Twitter, your thumb moving to send something funny to Namjoon until you remembered, stopping in place, that Namjoon’s phone was broken.

Your heart sank a little, but you saved the link so you could send it to him later.

“You okay?” Lily nudged your arm and you nodded. “Something wrong?”

“Namjoon broke his phone, so I can’t talk to him…” You sighed. “But I’m glad he told me. Is it weird I miss him? Also, I’m itchy.”

“You’re...itchy?” Lily giggled. “You might want to get a cream for that, sweetie, I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“I know, it’s weird.” You agreed, laughing with her. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just nerves from...everything, you know?”

“Yeah, I think I kind of get that.” Lily nodded. It was a good thing you were busy with your phone or you definitely would have noticed the knowing smile blooming across her features. If only you knew what was in store for you in two short hours…

***

When Namjoon got off the plane, he was shaking. Every part of him, trembling in anticipation. He fumbled with his suitcase, struggling to get it out of the luggage check without dropping it. His heart raced. He was here, like twenty minutes from your school, and as soon as his Uber texted him, he’d be on his way.

Namjoon reached into his pocket to check the time. It was around eight, so according to your friends, you’d still be in the library by now, but he figured he’d better send a heads-up just in case. His fingers were shaking almost too much to punch in the message, but somehow, he managed, pressing send after reading over it once or twice.

RM_fan_94: Just landed. Uber should be here soon. I’ll be there twenty minutes after that. Keep her busy.

His face was flushed, heart pounding, banging against his ribcage in hopes to escape and run down the street to find you. God, you were so close. You two had never been this close. There had almost always been an ocean between you, at least, since you’d started communicating. And now, all that was standing in his way was a car ride. Namjoon almost couldn’t stand it.

So, nervous as all hell, Namjoon started pacing in the lobby of the airport until he finally got the notification and went sprinting for the front doors and into the van of his Uber driver.

Every atom in his body was buzzing, buzzing, buzzing and burning as he got closer and closer to the gates of your college. He read the signs on the side of the road. Twenty miles turned to ten, which turned to five. Namjoon felt dizzy, suffocated by his rapidly-approaching destiny. He was sprinting towards it, now, a handful of miles standing between him and the love of his life.

In the passing streetlights, Namjoon could make out the lettering on his wrist. The tattoo that had started this all. He remembered his excitement the moment his fingers brushed against your first letter and the words tingled into existence on his skin. He remembered when all he had to go on was a name and the fact that you were from the States. He remembered the overwhelming joy that washed over him when you sent him the first picture of you, dressed up as Wonder Woman and smiling like you didn’t have a care in the world. He remembered your first phone call, the way his veins pulsed when he finally heard your voice.

All of it was coming to a peak, now. The precipice. This was the beginning of something very new, something uncharted for himself and the rest of the members in BTS.

Without warning, his Uber driver reached the traffic light to turn onto campus. It flicked from red to green, and he drove across the halted lanes of opposite traffic, under the giant arch that marked the beginning of your school. This was it. There was no going back now.

***

Something was wrong with Lily and Grace. They were acting weird. Both of them had gotten a notification from some mysterious group chat, and now neither of them could look you in the eye. It was odd, to say the very least.

“Everything okay?”

“Yep! Just peachy!” Grace lied through her teeth, beaming at you innocently. Something very, very strange was afoot, but you were too burned-out to attempt to get to the bottom of it.

So, seeing as your drink was empty once again, you stood up and began the trek to the tea store up the stairs.

“Where are you going?” Lily asked, almost shooting up out of her seat.

“I need more tea.” You shrugged, looking from Lily to Grace. “I’ll be back in like five minutes tops.”

“Okay.” Lily nodded, walking to the bathroom to cover up the fact that she’d shot up so fast to attempt to stop you.

Shaking your head at the strange behavior, you finished walking up the steps and stood in line at the tea store, ordering yet another iced drink. By this time, the barista didn’t even need to ask. It only took him a few minutes to get your drink to you and then you were on your way back down the stairs to the table. You were sitting down when your phone rang with a call...from Namjoon. Your eyebrows furrowed until you realized it was like ten in the morning in Korea, so his phone must have gotten fixed.

Brightening immediately, you picked up.

“Hey babe! Did you get your phone fixed?”

“I did…” His voice sounded weird. You could hear his tone and his breath shaking with each word. “Good thing, too…”

“Joon, is everything okay?”

“Great, baby, everything is great. Super, super great. I just...God…” And then he hung up, his connection cutting out, assumably. Your eyebrows furrowed, waiting for him to call back, like he usually did when your Skype calls cut out, but he didn’t.

“Something wrong?” Lily asked, almost unable to hide the grin on her face. Grace subtly held her phone, obviously recording. She had been since you got back with your tea. And yet, your head was buzzing too much for you to notice.

“I think his phone cut out.” You said softly, staring at the screen as you contemplated calling him back. You waited for a few more seconds before you noticed someone standing at the bottom of the steps. He was tall, his long frame dressed in an oversized black shirt and ripped jeans, tufts of pink hair sticking down out of his black baseball cap.

Maybe it was the pink hair that caused you to look back down at your work for a split second before your heart lurched and you did a double-take. You studied him, frozen and wide-eyed. You urged your legs to get up so you could get a closer look, but they weren’t listening.

You put your hands on the table, pushing yourself to a standing position as Lily and Grace giggled. Your legs wobbled with each slow step over to him. He was frozen, too, an amused grin on his face as he watched the wheels turn in your head, dimples on full display.

“N-Namjoon?” You whispered, tears fogging up your vision. You covered your mouth with your hands, taking a step forward and then a little step back, still unsure if this was actually happening or if it was some cruel hallucination, cooked up by twelve hours of staring at a book and taking notes.

“It’s just me, baby.” He reassured softly. “I’m right here.”

That was all the reassurance you needed. He set down his duffle bag and opened his arms, waiting for your legs to finally get the message from your brain. Eventually, they did, and you broke into a run, closing the distance between you until you were jumping into his arms, legs wrapped tight around his hips. One of his large hands came to rest under your thigh, and the other fastened around your back, rubbing comforting circles as your floodgates finally opened, a cascade of tears following.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” He tried to hush your sobs, but he realized after a few seconds that he was crying too.

“How did you get here?” You croaked. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to come surprise my girl.” He chuckled softly, happy tears rolling down his cheeks. “I knew you’d need a little pick-me-up for exam week.”

“So you just came at the drop of a hat?”

“This has been planned for months, baby. It’s all worked out, I promise.” Namjoon was still holding you, your legs firmly gripping his waist, but he pulled away to look at you up close. You were the most beautiful person he’d ever seen, even with trails of black mascara running down your cheeks. “God, you’re so beautiful.”

“I look like a mess.” You shook your head, chuckling at how much of a disaster you probably looked on today of all days. Of course on the one day that mattered, you looked like you’d just been hit by the bus.

“Baby, you’re the most beautiful person on the planet.” Namjoon pressed a long kiss to your forehead, closing his eyes before murmuring, “You look perfect, always. I love you, jagiya.”

“I love you too.” You took a moment there to look at him, to really look at this man who held the other half of your soul in his heart. You raised your hands to his cheeks and gave his dimples a pinch, earning a laugh from him. “You’re real…”

“Weird, isn’t it?” He raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t count how many times he’d heard that from ARMYs all over the world. Although, it was never as tender or careful as this statement.

“Mmhmm.” You hummed, studying his features up close, squishing his dimpled cheeks together. “Joonie?”

“What?”

Your eyes lingered on the pillows of his plush lips. They were calling to you. “I want to kiss you.”

“Then kiss me.” He replied, leaning in slowly to meet you in the middle. It was electric, sparks flying the moment your lips melted against his larger, warmer ones. You almost forgot you were in public until you heard cheers from all of the other brain-dead students flooding the library currently. Blushing, you reluctantly pulled away from Namjoon, finally unwrapping your legs from his hips and settling yourself back on the floor.

“Was it worth the wait?” You whispered, taking his hand and leading him back over to where your grinning friends had pulled up a fourth chair.

“I would wait a hundred years for you if I had to.”

“You’re cheesy.” You scrunched your nose and looked up at him. You knew all along that he would tower over you, but up close it was entirely different. Namjoon seemed to notice too, as he looked down on you gingerly. He leaned forward and pressed another lingering kiss to your forehead, pulling you against his chest.

“So are you.”

“That’s fair.” You giggled into the fabric of his shirt before finally sitting down with him. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you no matter how hard he tried. But eventually, he did turn to give his thanks to Lily and Grace.

“Thank you, ladies. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Don’t mention it.” Grace smiled. Lily nodded in agreement.

You, however, looked between the three of them with wide eyes. “You knew???”

“Explains a lot, doesn’t it?” Lily chuckled, shrugging as she got back to her studying.

“Congratulations, you two.” Gace bidded before slipping her headphones back over her ears.

Namjoon took your hand in his own, scooching his chair closer to yours. He studied your little fingers with a smile before bringing your hand to his lips and kissing it. This, he imagined, was what the rest of your little forever looked like, and he wouldn’t have it any other way...

Tagged: @iie-wakarimasen , @ffantasylandd, @jooniefluff, @chimchimsauce, @mrs-saeyoung-choi, @theprinceoftheundead, @angyexoxo, @copenhagenspirit, @lovelylittlekittn, @lilgaga98, @iminlovewjjk, @feed-my-geek-soul, @loveandwitch, @recoveringflowerchild, @demonic-meatball, @maddieisaacs, @scissorsandtonfas, @carirosesg, @backtonormalthings, @local-mochi, @faliwi, @spoopyela, @nanie5, @ingenu--e, @undiscovered1personality, @andalos, @calspixie, @filtermono, @huhuehuey, @mikey-girl12, @lilliaflurr, @hypophrenium, @sitkafay, @spiicyari, @andeerwilson, @btswerewolfaus, @oyasumi7, @mycurrentusernameisalreadytaken, @gangstavixsta

#armyofwriters #kpopwonderlandtag #namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon imagine #bts #bts imagine #fluff #soulmate au #bts soulmate au #rm #rm x reader #rm imagine #signed sealed delivered

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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SEVEN DEADLY SINS

Sin 1: Lust 1. Who was the last person you checked out? Did they check you out too? Surprise surprise, it’s my girlfriend. Yeah she did - I think I’d start worrying if she didn’t, lmao.

2. Who was the last person you desired, but they didn’t feel the same? Gab, at one point. Other than her, I haven’t desired anybody else; but I was on the ‘didn’t feel the same’ side at least once, back when Mike used to like me.

3. Ever cheated on a significant other? If so, have you learned from it? No, I’ve never cheated.

4. Do you watch porn? Yes. I’d have phases where I’d view it 2-3 times a week, then I’d completely stop for months – kinda like how everyone plays The Sims lol. I don’t know why it works like that for me.

5. Do you masturbate? Sometimes.

6. Best physical features on your preferred sex? I don’t have a preferred sex, and my favored features differ per person.

7. Who are some celebrities that you think are totally hot? Kristen Stewart, if you don’t me already haha. Also Eugene Lee Yang from the Try Guys, Beyoncé, and Jennifer Aniston.

8. Did you ever lust after a best friend’s significant other? How did it turn out? Mmm nope, I never found myself attracted to Hans in any way. The fact that he has always been associated with Angela ever since high school also helps.

9. When was the last time you had sex? Like a week before Christmas, I think.

10. Ever pursued someone, even though they were taken? No, that’s a little awful.

Sin 2: Gluttony 1. When did you last eat at a restaurant? What restaurant was it? Last Monday – Gab and I went to Yabu to catch dinner. We had been entertaining my mom’s guests and their kid all day and thought we couldn’t leave the house cos it’s a bit impolite, but I had such a craving that I ended up asking permission if we can go to Yabu by 8:30 even though the mall closed by 9 lol. I realize I talk about Yabu an awful lot on here so for those who wanna know, it’s this local Japanese place that serves theeeee best katsu.

2. When did you last have fast food? Where did you get it? I don’t actually remember. If I’m not wrong, it was around two or three weeks ago, and we had KFC delivered to our house because we were too lazy to cook or go out. I had the Zinger Steak, which I hope they never phase out because it’s insanely good.

3. What was the biggest meal you had all day? I haven’t eaten yet, and it’s only 10:51 AM.

4. Do you have too many clothes? How often do you go shopping? I wouldn’t say it’s overwhelmingly many, but I definitely own more clothes than the pieces I’d usually wear, and that’s because I don’t like throwing old stuff out just in case I’d need them in the future (definitely got my great-grandma’s hoarding tendencies). I go shopping once in a few months, which in itself is pretty seldom, but that’s because when I go shopping I usually already buy a shit-ton of new clothes, enough for me to be able to mix and match to come up with new outfits for the next few weeks.

5. What’s something you have a LOT of? Black clothing. I’ve made an effort to get more colored tops, but the blacks still overpower.

6. Do you eat a lot? I’m very takaw-tingin, which is a Filipino term used when you get a crapload of food either because you’re hungry or because you’re confident you can finish it – or both – then you never do. Takaw means greedy or glutton, tingin roughly means sight, so it literally means that you just kinda want to get everything because it looks like a lot. So to answer the question, I always feel like I can eat a lot, but at the end of the day I just end up with stomachaches and I never learn.

7. What was the last thing you splurged (spent a lot of money) on? If a bunch of stuff counts, then I splurged on Christmas presents for various people that I all bought in one go – I got massage oils, a garlic press, a frisbee, Marikina sandals, lipstick, and Instax film. If you’re talking about a single thing that I had to drop a ton of money on, it was for my dog’s blood test and some arthritis meds that the vet recommended.

8. What do you spend most of your money on (besides bills and anything necessary like that)? I only ever spend on necessities like gas, clothes, and food, honestly. Other than that... I spend on (and this is very seldom) whatever hobby I’m into at the moment. At one point I spent on slime because I got interested in them, and before that – and y’all know about this – I spent my Christmas savings on adult coloring books and pencils.

9. Last time you ate candy? What was it? A week or two ago; I had a Crunch bar.

10. Last thing you ate too much of? Eggs, I think. My mom makes it for breakfast so I have it almost every day.

Sin 3: Greed 1. Do you share things? How often? Yeah I can be pretty generous with my stuff. I know I’d appreciate it when other people lend me their belongings, so I try to do the same. I once lent my phone to Rita for over an hour just because she wanted to play Mario Kart, and I also lent a book that’s really important to me to an online friend I barely knew; it was with him for like two years, lol.

2. Someone asks you for a piece of your cookie. You break it in half, but the pieces aren’t equal. Who gets the bigger piece? Usually it would be me; but if the person who asked for it was Gab, or if that particular person likes the cookie I have, then they get the bigger piece.

3. When you see change on the ground, do you pick it up? Only if it’s a 10-peso coin, because I’m greedily picky like that lmao. Other people might need a peso or a 5-peso coin more, so I leave it be.

4. How often do you lend money to people? I don’t, and that’s one thing I wouldn’t tend to lend. My parents just give me allowance and it’s usually enough for necessities and for treating myself once or twice a week, so I wouldn’t be able to have some left for others. Besides, that’s my parents’ money and it would be pretty fuckin’ unfair to them if I just give it away to others lmao.

5. Do you loooove money? I hate what it’s done to society, how it’s divided the rich and the poor, and how the people with the most money also tend to be the most selfish coughcoughBILLIONAIREScoughcough. But I love spending for my own, hah.

6. If someone offers to pay for you, do you decline or readily accept? Oh no no no. Decline all the way. If they keep insisting then I’ll probably give in because it’s the polite thing to do, but if I can, I’ll keep declining.

7. Which of your friends is the wealthiest? Rita. Her grandpa is a former senator and she lives in literally the swankiest neighborhood in Metro Manila; I was a bit intimidated when she invited us to her place for the first time lol. She’s the simplest person I know, too; and that’s my favorite kind of rich.

8. Would you take a high-paying job that you didn’t really like just for the money and benefits? That’s definitely what I plan to do, lmao. At least this is how I know myself now: I have enough money to buy whatever I want, and I’m a happy camper. That may change in a few months or within the next year and I may eventually wanna search for a passion – but for now, it’s the mindset I’m going with when I go job-hunting soon. If I survived four years of college with a very burnt-out, emptied passion for journalism that I thought I had, I could probs do the same in the workplace.

9. Ever stole from anyone? What about stole from a store? What happened? I unknowingly stole a box of crayons from a store back when security equipment wasn’t that rigid yet lmao. I realized I ‘stole’ it because I had it in my hands and not in a paper bag when I walked out, so I immediately went back to pay for it. I’ve never stolen anything from anyone.

10. Do you ever have enough money? I don’t think anyone ever feels this way. Ever heard of billionaires?

Sin 4: Sloth 1. Last thing you procrastinated on? Washing the dishes last night.

2. When you’re at a strip mall and the next store you want to go to is at the other side, do you drive over there instead of take a short walk? It depends how far “the other side” is. <-- Yep pretty much. If it’s literally on the other side of a street, then obviously I’d go walk. But in places like my school which is super big and where ‘other side’ could mean 2 km away, a drive would be more convenient.

3. What’s a typical day off of school and/or work like for you? I’d normally spend the day lazing around on the couch with my dog beside me and lurking around social media.

4. What’s one talent you have that you don’t really work on, even though you have the ability to be good at it? Public speaking, or debating.

5. How many hours of television do you watch a day? I keep Friends as a background noise on Netflix nearly all day because I hate when it gets too quiet around me. As for watching on an actual television, I haven’t used one in years.

6. What about the amount of time you spend on the internet a day? The internet takes up my entire day it’s crazy lol. I kinda need it for everything now.

7. How many hours of sleep do you get a day? Do you sleep in late? It’s always different. I can go anywhere between 3 and 10 hours of sleep. I don’t sleep in often, though.

8. Do you drive to places that are less than three blocks away? I don’t know how big blocks are supposed to be since we don’t use that system here. But yes, I usually drive even though Point A to Point B is very much walkable hahaha. My friends make fun of me a lot for it but I don’t care, at least I don’t get to my destination all sweaty and smelling like the sun.

9. When was the last time you exercised? November, on my last PE class.

10. Ever copied and pasted your homework from a website on the internet? I never did this. My schools always emphasized the consequences of plagiarism so as someone who always stuck by the rules, I always made sure I at least paraphrased the content I see on the internet.

Sin 5: Wrath 1. If you could kill one person and get away with it, would you do it? I know it’s pretty dark to come from such a place, but I’ve always thought death is an easy way out for people who’ve done awful things. I could answer this question with a name of a corrupt politician, rapists, or animal abusers, but tbh they don’t deserve the sweet escape of death, even if it were from murder.

2. Is there anyone you honestly and truly can say that you hate? Anybody who has hurt cats and dogs.

3. Is there anyone you want revenge on, whether you want to get them back big-time or just play a little prank on them for hurting your feelings? Like I said, I’d daydream about getting revenge just to satiate my desire for it, but I think it’s pretty childish and downright cartoonish to actually go through with it. I’ve only ever seen people getting petty revenge in movies, but it seems a bit stupid in real life.

4. Are you fighting with any friends right now? Why? No. The most that’s happened was me kinda scolding Andrew for not letting me know beforehand that he submitted our thesis proposal to our prof through VIBER, which is incredibly unprofessional and I definitely let him know what I thought about it. I didn’t fight with him though.

5. Last time you were really angry? What happened? The aforementioned thesis prof letting me know we’re missing a part of our thesis on the last day for profs to submit their grades. That meant that however early we submitted a revision, she wouldn’t have been able to give it a mark anyway. That definitely pissed me off, especially considering that she was silent for two weeks and didn’t give back any comments which made us think we were good to go.

6. When you’re angry, what do you do to calm yourself down? I watch Friends or any one of my favorite YouTubers so I can have some relief. Other times, I’d force myself to sleep.

7. “Hate is just the fear of loving someone.” true or false? No. That makes no sense to me.

8. What’s the best revenge you ever got on someone? Never done this before.

9. Was there any hard feelings after your last break-up? On whose end was it on? There were definitely hard feelings in the beginning because she executed the breakup so poorly and I thought I didn’t deserve any of the treatment I was getting, and I was also mad that I wasted my time for that long only for her to break up with me in the end.

10. Ever been cheated on? How did that make you feel? No.

Sin 6: Envy 1. Is there anyone you’re jealous of? Name a person and tell us why. Envious is the better word, and I feel this way towards anybody who live with both parents. My dad’s worked overseas all my life, and as grateful as I am for his sacrifices, having a dad at home is more foreign sensation to me than the idea of having a dad who’s gone for 4-6 months a year.

2. List three physical features some other people have that you’re envious of (no need to get specific and name people; you can just say something like “brown eyes” or “having perfect eyebrows”). Straight teeth, fixed eyebrows, legs that don’t need much shaving.

3. List three personality features that other people have that you’re envious of. Confidence, independence... is privilege a personality trait lol?

4. Are you a jealous significant other? I can be. I don’t make a big deal about being jealous as much as I did two or three years ago anymore though.

5. Could you date someone who was really jealous? Gab can be a little jealous but for the most part it’s endearing because it’s never turned into abuse.

6. What celebrity’s looks do you envy the most? Audrey Hepburn.

7. Do you think anyone is envious of you? In your opinion, what characteristics (physical and mental) do you possess that you think someone might be envious of? Being in a long-term relationship, definitely. A lot of people my age want significant others so bad, and I know this because a good chunk of them post the same wish over and over on social media lol.

8. What are a few things you wish you were good at? Drawing, playing an instrument, dancing ballet, changing a car tire, COOKING.

9. Did you ever date someone, break up, and then see them dating someone very attractive a few days later? Were you jealous of that person? This has never happened to me.

10. When looking at a love interest’s exes, do you often find yourself jealous of their good-looking exes? I haven’t had to do this, because I was Gab’s first. I wouldn’t want to fixate on exes if I were in a different situation, though.

Sin 7: Pride 1. What’s something you brag about a lot (be honest–we all brag sometimes)? My school is easy bragging rights. Everybody wants to be in UP.

2. What physical features do you take the most pride in? My body figure in general. Also my fingers, legs, and jawline.

3. Are you satisfied with what you have? Yeah but as the above questions have made it clear, I can always use more money lol.

4. Be honest… when someone is telling you something, do you often change the subject so it’s about you and your accomplishments instead? NEVER. That’s one of the worst things anyone can do. I feel like I used to do this when I was younger, then it just hit me one day about how tasteless it can be so ever since then I’ve let other people hype themselves up and be excited about accomplishments or new things in their life as much as they want with me, as long as they aren’t being so conceited.

5. Do you like talking about your achievements? If I’m in a group and we started sharing our achievements then yeah I’d join in. But I wouldn’t bring it up if it wasn’t already being brought up. It’s better to let the accomplishments speak for themselves.

6. Do your parents tend to brag about how well you came out? My mom is definitely more ~braggier than my dad, but she’s never come off as an asshole about it. If she was, I’d pull her aside.

7. Do you strive to be better than others? Do you think competing with others is healthy? I keep a mindset of competing with others, but I keep it internal.

8. What do you do better than most people? See the little details. I’m always surprised at how most of the people I work with just look at the big picture – like how they don’t pay attention to the red squiggle under misspelled words on a group paper (or if they do see it, they don’t do anything about it), or how they don’t seem to care about proper spacing on a Powerpoint and proceed to just dump a bunch of text on one slide. Now this is something I can brag about too, cos a lot of people are just so not detail-oriented lol.

9. Do you believe in taking pride in things you can’t control (ex. being proud of your heritage, being proud of your skin color, being proud of your natural artistic ability)? I don’t see why that’s an issue.

10. Who are you competing with right now (it could be anything–classmates for a grade, co-workers for a position, other girl for a guy, etc.)? There’s no particular person, but like I said, I’m always in this perpetual mindset of wanting to compete with others just so I’m more motivated to perform well and get things done.

#survey #surveys #this was fun

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