#defineit

[grafitti-meat]

[gravitycoil]

one of my many visions

[codnasties]

cod characters jerking off

this post includes: soap, ghost, gaz, price, graves, konig & alejandro (extra: alex)

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soap 🧼- the exhibitionist

soap is defineitely the kind of guy that would get hard on the car, as he's on his way to work, by just thining about how you looked that mornig in bed. imagining how you shold be under him in that thin material that you like you call pijamas. this is the exact reason he leaves early to work, because he always has to deal with an unexpected boner.

and trust me, this man is just going to pull on the side of the road where anyone passing by can get a clear view of him as he rubs one out real quick. fully stripping down - because let's be real, the man's an exhibitionist - and start firsting his red hard cock. hand wrapping around his shaft and making sure to swip his thum over his sensitive tip with every stoke until he makes a mess. his creamy cum dripping down his cock and balls as he's unable to keep his hips still, creamy seed now covering his hand and the driver's seat.

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ghost 👻- slow but with some roughness

you know what? ghost takes his wanks very fucking seriously. like he ain't jerking off unless he has enough time to slowly play with himself and take his sweet time. because the loves to start by palming himself over his pants. pulling his cock out and start languidly stoking his cock and playing with his balls.

but as much as he likes to be soft and slow with himself he also craves a bit of roughness. something to contrast againts the pleasurable wank but also still pleasurable. that's why he sometimes stops mid stroke, pulls his hard cock all the way back and releases it, making it spring full force against his abs. the pleaure of his leaking tip hitting against his hard abs and some extra few slow stokes turning him into a mess. thick cum now covering his dick and stomack and heavyly dripping onto his stomach.

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gaz 🧢- the dirty talker

gaz is a dirty talker, no matter if he's fucking you or his fist. because when he's away he for sure is filling your phone with videos of him stoking his cock and saying all the nasty shit he wants so do to you. because he's unable to stop himself from telling you how good you are, how much him and his cock miss you and asking you if you want or how much you want his cock.

the wet sounds coming from the continuos teasing of his sensitive hard cock mixing with the dirty words he whispers. making sure to give you a good view of his cock as he cums, pearly white and thick cum slowly dribbling from his tip, making sure to fully milk himself dry. especially because he knows those are the videos you watch before recording some yourself to send back to him, that's why he gives his all.

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price 🚬- the rushed wanks

with how much he has on his plate ond how many responsabilities he has, it's quite understandablea that price is a busy man. and as such, he barely has any time for himself, much less to jerk off. so whenever he does, it's always quite rushed, but he always remembers to send you a little video so you can enjoy that beautiful video of his for a bit.

the hastiness showing in the way he pulls his pants only to the middle of his strong hairy thighs, underwear only pushed to a bit lower than his hips to get his dick freed from it's confines. hand hurriedly stroking himself, his alluring pecs moving with each stroke. the pleasure and the final release after a few stresful days making him unable to stop the raspy grunts that leave him as he cums.

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konig 🗡- the timid-hand bator

konig has big hands. ones that much his big cock. ones that could esily wrap around his whole shaft and give himself some full on amazing pleasure. but nope. because konig does those somewhat timid-hand jerk off. the ones in which he barely has his fingers touching his dick - fuck, he might as well just use his thumb an index with how 'delicately' he's toughing himself-.

but that gives him enough stimulation to get off. bitting his shirt out of the way because he is a big mess maker - he ends up hitting his face more than he would like just from thinking about you and your sweet body -. but he also bites his shirt to hel conceal all of the desperate noises he makes as he cums all over himself. stomach covered in his potent seed as he gives himself the last few stokes, giving you a prefect view of those juicy pecs of his.

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graves 🪦 - the double hand jerker

when graves finally gets home he doesn't have to think it twice, he throws his shit by the door, gets his shoes of and beelines thowards the beedroom. he may get his shirt off but the pants don't even make it halfway down his thighs as he throws himself onto the bed, pulls his aching cock out and gets down to business.

and let me tell you, sir philip graves doesn't do a traditional wank. no, he likes to use both of his hands, interlocking his fingers to create the perfect space between them for him to fuck. and even though at first he tries to actually jerk off, he's unable to keep his hips on the bed, bucking up his hard cock into the hole created by his palms. the pleasure and the sensitivity of his cock making him cum hard all over his abdomen and chest, and some of the thick ropes going as far as hitting his face.

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alejandro 🤠 - the palm user

you know what? alejandro is another two-hand bator, just like graves. but unlike the american he doesn't do that shit of interwiring his fingers to create a hole for him to fuck. what he does is use the palms of his hands. sandwiching his hard cock right between them, ensuring max stimulation.

when he jerks off like that he somehow ends up coming even harder than he normaly would. and he ends up making a mess over himself. but trust me, this man doesn't let a single drop of his creamy seed go to waste. he collects it back on his palms and uses it as lube on his still hard cock for round two ;)

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alex 🦿- the accidental mess maker

alex is just the kind of dude to make a mess on his car. trying to release some of that pent up tension before work. jerking his hard cock off right there on the drivers seat as soon as he turnt off the engine. but what he believes would be a quick rub and a little tissue to clean up becomes muck more. because he ends up shooting ropes that have such force they hit the car's roof, making one big mess, and now he has to clean that up :(

[tu-es-gegg]

also idk definite set date for it, most likely not tomorrow but eh keep an eye out to be sure

ok so mariana isnt gonna play today hes gonna try arrange it so he can play with people the people he wants first, honestly i think thats better instead of like cold turkey dropping him in the middle of what ever was today

[sweetheartsaku]

shu yamino ; violino, pierro piccioni

a/n : [fem!reader] writing this at 2:30am..

lavender !

shu yamino, who loves when you put your hair into a ponytail..

shu yamino, who always has a hairtie on his wrist incase you need one..

shu yamino, who instinctively clings onto your torso when hes sleeping and feels cold..

shu yamino, who most defineitely gives the best massages..

shu yamino, who's love language is acts of service..

shu yamino, who is super dependable in general and especially with math and tech help..

shu yamino, who always gives hand kisses and loves the feeling of his lips against your knuckles..

shu yamino, who'd lightly spray his perfume on your pillows before he leaves for off-collabs..

shu yamino, who has my entire heart. 💜

[cloud-somersault]

I've been following this fic since the start, and reading each chapter. We are so incredibly lucky to be enjoying this series at all, let alone for free. I appreciate all the work you’ve put in a lot of effort to create something that brought so much joy to so many people. Thank you so much for writing and remember you don’t owe us anything because you are incredibly talented and impeccable, and this story has me in a chokehold like no other and I would be more than happy to read more about what you have planned for this series.

It's great that your fics inspire such strong emotions in people because these characters are very nuanced and have a lot of depth and reasoning behind their actions, but sometimes it seems really hard for readers to remember, before writing any critique, that we have a lot more information than the characters in the story. We can see the same event from the perspective of different characters and even hear their internal monologues. But characters are limited to what they themselves can figure out, so of course they will make mistakes and do things that don't make sense at first glance. Sorry to hear you’re dealing with some drama in the comments. Hope you’re taking care of yourself! I know that must be pretty stressful, so maybe stepping away from a series for a while and then coming back later is a good choice. Your stories are completely worth the wait. Have a nice day or night! ❤

Thank you for sticking with this fic and this AU from the start! It's almost been 2 years. Thank you for reading and enjoying. I really appreciate that!!

That's very true. We, as the readers, have SO MUCH INFORMATION compared to the characters themselves. The only person who knows more is me, the author. And, something else I think is forgotten so much in this fandom in general is that Wukong and Macaque are immortal beings. The things that hurt us physically? Do not hurt them. The things that we think are egregious and out of this world? Are not to them. They have fought monsters and all that; they don't care about a quick squabble. They also know magic. We have to put all of that into context because, yes, in the real world, their fights and everything would be seen as wrong and dangerous. To them, though? Who have seen and been through so much? They don't have that same threshold that we do. I incorporate that into my writing.

And yes, the characters will do things that don't make sense! They will do things that will make you go "Aw, hell. This is gonna blow up in his face later." That's the entire point of fiction. Is seeing these characters grow and change or even fail to grow and change in some aspects.

That's also something we need to keep in mind. These are immortal beings. It takes them more time to understand something or learn a lesson or unlearn a toxic behavior compared to mortals who only live for so long. Wukong is nearly 4,000 years old; it's gonna take some time for some lessons to stick.

But thank you very much for sharing your opinion and kindness. I am defineitely going to take a step back once the epilogue is finished. I was going to stop here, at chapter 12, but I don't want to do that for my own personal reasons. I want it to be finished and in one place so that I can read it without opening a 300 page google doc and crashing my phone. It's mostly for ease of access right now.

But thank you!! Thanks for sticking with me. If you've been here since the start, wowie, you've seen it all. Thanks for seeing it through to the end with me. 💖

[that-one-i-think]

Okay, so I just found out that snakes like to wrap around hair like hair ties or scrunchies and that is so my AU Liochant coded

IT IS SO COOL AND CUTE! Young Liochant who had the curliest and bounciest black hair defineitely trained a small snake to do this.

[amethyst-geek]

Mike's role in my Total Drama high school urban fantasy AU

First, I would like to discuss which characters would become related to Mike in this AU. For starters Jen the Fashion blogger and Katie would be his cousins and perhaps his adoptive sisters. Jen and Katie's mother would be the older sister of Mike's biological mother. I would also have him be related to Dawn in some way. I will elaborate on this when I discuss Chester.

Like many Total Drama fans, I subscribe to the fan theory that Mike's DID was the result of an abusive childhood. Since my AU is an urban fantasy, Mike would be the son of an immortal being trying to take over the world, and he concieved Mike as part fo an elaborate plan to achieve that goal and he subjected Mike some pretty intense abuse and training. However, Mike was eventually rescued by his maternal relatives around the age of 7. I talk more about Mike's father when I discuss Mal.

For a while, I contemplated forgoing Mike having DID in favor of allowing the alters to literally be their own people with all of them instead being various relatives of Mike. However, to maintain the idea of Mike having a disability, I would have him suffer from PTSD (and maybe even give him a physical disability for good measure). However, it might be more interesting to maintain Mike having DID.

I will now go through each alters one by one explain the different ideas I have regarding their roles in this AU depending on whether I rework them into Mike's relatives or stick with them being alter egos.

Mal- even though Mal's the sixth personality in the show, I feel like I should talk about Mal first for the sake of context. As I already mentioned, my urban fantasy AU would give Mike an abusive dad who is also an immortal being. Mike's father would be a major villain throughout the AU. I talk about Mike's father here as Mal has the highest chance of being reworked into a relative even if the other alters remain alters. In Mal's case, he would be Mike's father and the leader of a supernatural cult (BTW Priya's parents would be members of this cult instead of Total Drama superfans in this AU and they would instead be training Priya to be an elite soldier for Mal and upon finding out about Mal having a son the same age as Priya they would also train her to be a potential bride for Mike). As a mythology gag, there may be a storyline where his Mal (with the help of his followers) switches bodies bodies with Mike as part of a plan to break out of magic jail. If I stick with Mal being an alter (the other stuff regarding Mike's dad would still be the same, expect he'd go by something other than Mal), then Mal was created from Mike's fear of what will happen to him if he doesn't live up to his father's expectations.

Chester- He'll defineitely be a relative of Mike's, while also being Dawn's grandfather, but how they're all related will depend on whether or not Chester remains one of Mike's alters. I know that sounds sounds weird, but hear me out. I basically have 2 different ideas regarding what to do with Chester in my AU.

1 idea is that Chester is a retired badass wizard who practically made a career out of thwarting Mal's plans and is his nemesis. In this scenario, Chester has 4 children- the eldest being Jen and Katie's mom, kid number 2 is an adopted Scottish son who eventually fathers Dawn, the 3rd is Vito's father Vince, and the youngest is another daughter whom we'll call Daphne for now. One day about 7 years after Daphne's supposed death, Chester discovered that she had actually been abducted by Mal. Chester and his other children tracked down Mal to his castle where they met Mike for the first time. Mal then reveals that he used his shapeshifting abilities to seduce Daphne, resulting in Mike, and that she died shortly after Mike's birth. Mal then proceeded to gloat about the horrific treatment he's subjected Mike to. Furious, Chester used a powerful spell that created a seal that kept Mal from using his own powers, at the expense of Chester losing his own magic, the use of his legs, and vision in one of his eyes. Chester then became Mike's legal guardian and acts as a grumpy mentor to not just his grandkids, but their friends as well.

Idea number 2 regarding Chester is that he is Mike's much older half-brother via their immortal father. He was forced to act as Mike's guardian in between training sessions. Chester wanted to protect Mike from their father and get him away, but his old age (as well as the power limiter he's forced by his father to wear) made it difficult to stand up to their father. Whenever Mike got frustrated about something, such as struggling to do a spell his dad wanted him to master, Chester would help calm him down and help him with hsis problems. Around the time Mike was 6 or 7, Chester did some investigating to learn the identity of Mike's mother and learned she was the younger sister of a powerful witch who would frequently thwart his father's schemes for world domination. Chester managed to get in contact with said witch (Who had been under the impression that her dead sister's child had been a stillbirth and that the pregnancy was the result of a 1-night stand with a random dude), revealed that her nephew was alive, and they came up with a plan to rescue Mike and stop Chester's father. To make a long story short, Mike's aunt helped remove Chester's power limiter, and just like in my first Chester idea, he uses a powerful spell to create a seal that his father form being able to use his power, only this scenario, the spell winds up killing Chester. Now this can go 2 ways- either Mike's grief causes his subconscious to create a new alter based on Chester or Chester's spirit winds up stuck in Mike's subconscious and acts as an alter and spirt mentor. In this scenario Chester would be be Dawn's grandfather similar to Chester scenario 1. In this scenario, When Chester was a young adult, he actually managed to get away from a father for a few decades. During this time, Chester had a child who in turn married an elf and had Dawn. However, when Dawn was still a baby, Chester's father tracked Chester down and killed Dawn's parents while forcing Chester to watch. Chester and Dawn were then taken back to hsi father's hideout where Dawn was raised alongside Mike. After Chester's sacrifice, Mike and Dawn were adopted by Mike's aunt (who is also Jen and Katie's mother).

Svetlana- If I go the "re-imagine all of Mike's alters into his relatives" route, then Svetlana would become Mike's grandmother, who is a retired gymnast. If she remains an alter, then she was created to help Mike through the intense athletic training his father put him through. She was also created from Mike's desire for a mother figure (hence why Svetlana is a girl)

Vito- If I go the "Mike's alters are his relatives instead" route, Vito will become Mike's cousin. I imagine he would still look just like Mike, which could to neat scene where Vito makes his first appearance in the AU and the audience is then treated to either a wham shot showing up and standing next Vito in real life well outside of Mike's subconscious or a wham line of Chester being heard offscreen. If Vito remains an alter, that could lead to an interesting storyline where Anne Maria learns about Vito being an alter and she angsts over it (especially when she starts to wonder as to why the trigger for Vito showing up is Mike losing his shirt and she's horrified upon realizing one of the possible explanations).

Manitoba Smith- In the "Relatives instead of alters" route, Manitoba would the one alter-turned-relative who would not be related to Mike by blood, instead being a family friend and a former apprentice of Chester's. He would also be the host of a popular adventure edutainment show. He would also be Jasmine's father (and her mother's a literal Amazon). If I go the "Manitoba stays an alter" route, then he was created to help Mike deal with his dad's tendency to leave him out in the wilderness and other dangerous places. As for why the trigger is putting one certain types of hats, my guess is that leading up to these training sessions, Mike would mentally prepare by watching various adventure shows and movies like Indiana Jones and Crocodile Dundee, and an in-universe adventure edutainment show hosted by Jasmine's father. And since it is pretty common for fictional adventurers to wear hats, Mike's subconscious began to associate hats with being a kickass adventurer.

What are your thoughts? Which alters should remain as such and which ones should be re-imagined as Mike's relatives?

[atownmaine]

@atownpromo , #facebookshop Is now open for business! Get a free #mixedcd with every #APAM , #apparel , #purchase #shopnow We now only have the following sizes left in our Black pull over hoodie and the Graphite Heather Grey full zip hoodie Lg, XL 2XL Find us on #facebook , @Atownpromotions @atownpromo #atownpromotionsadvertisingmedia #brandedmerchandise # #defineit , #visualizeit, #socializeit , #merchandiseit #hustle , #grind , #succeed #www.atownpromotions.com (at A-Town Promotions Advertising Media) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuZOMg1F9f6/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1o7mqlsj7hc1u

[tu-es-gegg]

yep defineitely no spoilers in this thumbnail

[flawlessgurlonthemove]

Hey Sis...it's time you defined what that dream means to you, declare that you will make it a reality and devote to it by staying focus. You're following isn't important but your impact is. I know it's hard. Some days I do ask myself questions but my why is amazingly huge and I push through those doubtful moments. Don't confuse yourself with seeing different posts on social media Bc these are just the highlights. It takes sleepless nights, hard work, empty bank accounts, determination, persistence, faith, prayer and a fighting spirit to get to the point where you can produce highlights. You will always fight resistance Bc you're making positive changes in your life and the old you know she's about to be evicted. It's time to go for it!💕💕💕💕 #sis #defineit #declareit #devotetoit #entrepreneurship #womenempoweringwomen #workhard #nodistractions #lovewhatyoudo #findyourpassion #success #itsajourney #femalepreneur #blackbusinesswomen #motivation #faith #prayer #ambition

[nowordsformylove]

okay finally getting back to you on this :)

Jonesmith: ive already talked at length about why i love them so much in showverse I agree that they arent really an rpf ship but they did have a fun type of friendship

Jolenz: my beloved <3 showverse jolenz works so well bc they are both chaotic guys who get mixed up in shenanigans and I think they would have a lot of fun with that together, plus they are so touchy and to me they come across as the two most romance-focused so I think that works well for them dating. rpf they are my everything, the way they were close in the 70s and then it all blew up bc they got into a fight and didnt speak for what like 8 years or so?? fucking crazy

Jork: I agree with everything you said, Peter's crush + their strong bond make them such a cute pair. unfortunately I dont really pay attention to their dynamic in show to have a fully formed opinion but I do think they are cute and I support my friends content for them :)

Torklenz: I actually really love showverse torklenz! not only bc they are the complimentary ship for jonesmith but bc I like how well matched they are in the show. they are both huge dorks and they have a teasing type of friendship where they can be kinda mean but it comes from a place of love <3 they dont interest me as an rpf ship

Dolenzmith: this ship has grown on me so much recently! in showverse they area bit like the mom and dad of the group and I really like their contrast of Mike being more serious and Micky being chaotic plus the running gag of them always being in each others faces close enough where their noses bump okayyy. they defineitely compliment each other well both in show and irl. I like their friendship a lot irl they always seemed close to me with how they admired each other and there was a lot of love there. I think that regardless of what you ship rpf these two were the monkees rpf endgame.

Torksmith: I have a complicated feelings regarding this pair but I will try to keep my response positive. I really like their showverse dynamic, Mike is the one that is nicest and most patient with Peter (can be interpreted as a more authoritative role like you said but I choose to interpret it as Mike understanding Peter the best) to me they are a very sweet couple and its grown on me since it is the complimentary pair to jolenz. rpf it is certainly undeniable that they had some type of weird relationship going on that was full of tension but whether or not i ship it,, ehhhh my nicest answer is that I dont care enough about it to ship it. maybe if I had been a peter-mike fan I would like it more but unfortunately (for me being on tumblr) I am a davy-micky fan so I only really care about what they were doing irl

and last: poly showverse is canon to me.

Hi Matt 🫶 you are my jonesmith brother in arms so I assume that is your favorite of the Monkees ships but I’m curious about your opinion on all the other ships and if you ship them or not/what you like about them if you do? not specifying show vs rpf so I’m leaving that choice to you :]

Yippee!! Jonesmith is definitely my fav show ship since it’s the first one I was interested in when I first watched the show! They hold a special place in my heart <3

As for the other ships, I wont lie I have tunnel vision for Davy 0.0 but!

Jork: This ship I see more as an irl ship because of Peters crush and just watching them interact with each other it’s obvious they shared a very strong bond regardless of romantic or not. Not to mention Peter always mentioning how he felt closest to Davy out of all the guys. I think they’re super cute irl and in show :3

Jolenz: Showverse Jolenz I love because the writers just loved to write these guys jumping all over each other and worrying about each other all the time. As for irl Jolenz (before their beef👀) I mean cmon, neck bite and nipple grab combo? Something was going on there 0.0 But fr I do love them in the 70’s and them literally making Nilsson give Micky a part in The Point just because they wanted to go together? Love them codependent freaks

These two I think are the only ones I truly believe there was something irl

Jonesmith: In showverse they’re my favourite because they bounce off each other so well and who am I to deny the tall guy small guy bit?? Irl jonesmith I do not believe in but I do think their friendship was super cute, like how they’d run to find each other when they heard a good joke just so they could share it

Torksmith: Showverse I kinda see it though I do see Mike more of an authoritative figure over Peter than a romantic partner so I wouldnt really say I ship it. As for irl… those freaks where would I even BEGIN, there are no words they are………. There’s so much lore 😭 I wouldnt say I ship it but I can see homoerotic beef when it happens 0.0

The next ones are all showverse opinions because I dont know enough about them irl to say anything 🙏

Torklenz: I did see them as a ship when I first watched the show, mostly as a secondary/complimentary ship to Jonesmith. But I do think their teasing and the scene with them dancing is cute. Other than that I wont lie I dont think of them much

Dolenzmith: Once again, don’t think about them much (Davy tunnel vision is a real illness). Showverse I could say I ship it simply because there is no excuse for getting that close to someone’s face that many times 😭

Poly Showverse Monkees are my heart and soul and truth🙌

[sojc123]

Word of the day: Litost (n) a state of torment created by the sudden sighr of own misery. #words #word #spellingwords #art #spelling #lit #increaseyourvocabulary #assess #vocab #spelling #spellit #useit #litost #definition #defineit #writing #writingcommunity #reading #read #classroom #learning

[reediculouslyfit]

Happy Motivation Monday! #defineit #declareit #devotetoit #mondaymotivation #exercise #workout #everylittlebitcounts #strengthtrain #foreverfit #feelgood #happyspirit #strongbody #mindfulness #yougotthis #imcheeringforyou #wintheday #yayyou https://www.instagram.com/p/CMuQXtLhKX0/?igshid=15iprh32molhr

[williej02124anewday]

Your WHY is the most important aspect of creating and maintaining change in becoming what you seek.. Because it comes from the most controlling and powerful part of you and that is your heart! Because what is in our hearts shows up in our lives! So find and define your WHY.. What Has You? Your purpose, Your desires, Your dreams, Your goals, Your reasons for doing and for being and get after it! Let’s Go🦾!! #riseup #whathasyou #yourwhy #defineit #dobetter #bebetter #believe #havefaith #commit #4anewday #letsgo https://www.instagram.com/p/CJ8sgn2suai/?igshid=13jgf5cp4pgp3

[sweetheartsaku]

OMG ALEX!!! MY LOVE!! YOURE BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKK !!!!!!!!! OKOGMGOG,GOMGOGMGOGMGOGMGOGM I GENUINELY CANNOT BELIEVE THIS OMDKMFMGMFK I AM IN SHAMBLES GOODBYE I MISSED U SM EEEEEEEEEK!!!! THE POOKIE WOOKIE IS BACK HAHSJSHSXMAH I CANNOT GOODBYE ☹️☹️☹️😭😭😭😭😭😔😔😭😭😭😭😭😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷💓💓💓💕💕💕💘💘💘💝💝💞💞💞💞💗💖💖💖

im so happy to see that ur slowly recovering ,, bc ur so strong to be able to endure all of that :((even though u domt deserve that) i hope we can continue saku and alex bc u quite literally mean the world to me and like... living w/o u js felt so empty!! it absolutely broke me when u left me, but im sososo happy you tapped that deactivate button bc i would go thru anything to see u heal from whatever was going on bc u DESERVE to be happy (even though we have our ups and down that are perfectly normal!!) :((

but the point is, ur back now and i hope i get to hold ur hand thru all of the slow healing bc u never should go thru it alone :( (if u feel comfortable to) <33 ur an angel alex!! ur almost a part of my soul (and defineitely my heart) and seeing u in a state thats struggling makes me sad bc i want to be there for u ☹️💗💗 i hope u can always talk to me bc ill be a listening ear, and i cant wait to make sm more memories w u <333

sending 100299393993939902010202 virtual hugs and smooches, l

otsa luv,, saku 🌸

sooo, hello!!🥹💞 or welcome back!!!!

i don’t really know how to start this, at first i prepared a pretty long text because i wanted to explain why exactly i deactivated and what has been happening, but in the end i chose to scrap that and not get into in detail because it’s all related to my personal life and it's probably better to just keep that private, plus it’s some pretty heavy stuff as well, and i don't want to load that onto you. so this has kind of turned into a ramble instead amdbjdn

truth is that i have been struggling, a lot. october was one of the worst months mentally for me, which is when i chose to deactivate. at some point i did start slowly feeling better and i wanted to come back on here earlier than this but then things got worse🙂 like so much fucking worse😭😭 it’s still hard to believe and it still hurts and i almost can’t stop thinking about it, but looking back, i’m at least glad about getting through things the way i did- because i feel like the me one year ago would have acted and handled those situations so differently, or maybe i would have barely been able to handle them at all.

in the midst of it all, i started to lose my passion for writing. writing stopped being a form of escapism or a way for me to use my creativity. it just felt like a burden. whenever i wanted to write and opened up a doc i just felt paralyzed only by looking at it. i couldn’t get anything out, nothing for days on end. i felt like i was losing myself, in multiple aspects, not just writing, and the disappointment that overcame me only added more and more to my stress.

and i’m not going to lie, i’m still struggling a lot to write again :’) but i do want to give it another try. maybe it’s the fact that i first started out last year in december that is kinda making my heart tingle for it again andbjsns this period of time feels nostalgic:(

however, due to personal reasons (not regarding anyone on here, just to make that clear) i’d feel much safer and much more at ease to continue with a different username, i hope you guys can understand. i do feel very attached to my previous one but i really want to be able to post comfortably.

i do kind of regret deleting my other blog because of all the memories i’ve lost, but at the same time i’m also happy i did it because in a way it allowed me to fully choose to work things out and focus on myself without feeling burdened or rushed.

i don’t know how long it’s gonna take for me to post something new. i’ve been working on multiple things at once but the progress has been quite slow ambdkdn but at least it’s something!!!! so it might take a long time, it might also not. i don’t know, i’m just gonna let things be and let them happen whenever they happen. maybe you guys can also tell me some of the fics i should repost?? i won’t do them all at once cause they were quite a lot and that would clog up the tags anbdjdnd + i also need to proofread them again cause most of the time i’d do that directly on tumblr before posting🥲

soooo yeah. if you’ve read through this whole post, i really appreciate it!! :(<33 i’m happy to return on here while being in a better state, and if there’s anybody who would like to talk, do feel free to send me a message or an ask!! i’m still at home on winter break, but i will go on a trip pretty soon😔✊🏻 just so you know in case i might be slow with posting/replying!!

i hope 2024 will treat both me and you well. i hope it can be a year of growth and love, a year where we can freely let go and start anew. in a world where you constantly get beat down for everything i still want to choose to be gentle, sensitive, and soft. i love you guys!!!! :(💞💓💖💘💞💓💞