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spaceumbredoggos · 9 months ago

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So much for stardust chapter Nineteen

Kenz’s Point Of View:

“Kenz!!! Kenz!!! Kenz!!!”

I grumbled awake to Dipper slurring in his half-rabid state. Fuck. It’s like he’s drunk. Is this supposed to happen?

Bee walked into the room, noticing Dipper laughing his ass off at pictures of me sleeping. “He’s acting like he brushed his teeth with Jack Daniel’s. Can you make him stop? And also, why is he acting this way?”

Bee was also super alarmed by Dipper’s erratic behavior. “That’s half rabies, half the Umbredoggo venom.”

“Well at least it’s working.” I tried to sit up, but my bones ached. Dipper stumbled on the ground and flopped onto me, causing me to yelp in pain. “GET. HIM. OFF!!!!” I wriggled out from underneath Dipper as he booped me. “Dipper knock it off and go to sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up.” But Dipper didn’t listen. Instead, he was chewing on one of the wounds on my shoulder. I snapped back and held him down as blood trickled down my shoulder, dripping on Dipper. “You’re making a mess on Bee’s guest bed. With my blood. Stop acting creepy.”

Bee blushed as I stood up. White hot pain surged through me as I noticed the chunk bitten out of my leg. “Just lay back down.”

Dipper got back up and started trying to eat a frosted sugar cookie. However, his throat kept spasming as he tried to swallow, almost causing him to choke. I operated the Heimlich that Ford taught me to use on that one time Stan tried to eat a live cicada (gross.) and managed to get Dipper breathing again. He gasped for breath and smiled. “You saved me.” He rubbed my head and blushed, totally delirious and out of his mind. He’s crushing on me bad.

“Kenz?!”

“Yeah, Bee?”

“Do you have a moment?” I tried to stand up, only to feel the pain in my torn calf. “You might have to pull me aside.” Bee carried me into the other room and gave a heaving sigh. “I think I know where Dipper got rabies from, and it’s not very good.”

“Rabies by itself isn’t really good. It’s usually fatal. He just has uncanny plot convenience in the form of a friend who happens to have the only cure.” I sat down on the couch, noticing some scratches in it. “Hey, where the hell did these come from?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” Bee pulled up a picture of a deer with a long bushy tail, cat-like paws, and sharp canine teeth. I recognized the snowy white Big Dipper marking on the forehead. The antlers were similar to that of a mule deer, and the sharp teeth was similar to that of a wolf’s stuffed in a deer’s mouth. “Is that Dipper?”

“He got rabies from a weredego—“

“Is that like a Wendigo werewolf hybrid?” Bee nodded as I felt a chill down my spine. “He’s cursed to transform into that form whenever he goes into his rabid phases. But he can eventually transform into it at will.”

“Are you sure?” I bristled, feeling the feral Umbredoggo brain in the back of my mind snarl at him, seeing him as competition. “We should tell Ford immediately.”

“I already told him.”

“Is there a way to break the curse? This is gonna crush him. He’s already gonna be crushed when he hears that he can’t be with Pacifica, or anyone really, due to the risk of transmitting rabies.” My heart tore itself in half for Dipper. The poor bean. I wasn’t there to protect him from this.

“Kenz, you’re gonna have to keep an eye on him at all times. Until he can control this.”

“I can’t control my umbredoggo form either. As of yet, at least.” I grumbled, thinking about how badly Dipper was crushing on me. “And another thing. Why is Dipper suddenly fawning over me?”

“I don’t think he even knows what he’s doing.” Bee looked pained, like she felt terrible for letting it happen. “So, how are we gonna break the news to him? And to Mabel, and to the town… His parents… I know he’s a grown adult, at eighteen, but he’s only just.”

“So are you.”

“I turn nineteen in May. It’s already April. He doesn’t turn nineteen until August.” I limped to the room Dipper was in. He was thankfully asleep. I laid down next to him, wiping some of the froth off his mouth. “We should be heading back to the shack pretty soon.”

“I think you’re gonna be sharing a room with Dipper because of his—“

“Wait! Umbredoggos are predators. Deer is one of their prey items of choice.”

“Dipper isn’t technically a deer. He has some traits associated with werewolves and wendigo’s.”

“You’re right. Fuck. That tumblr post about what if deer were predators. It’s all coming to life.”

Bee drove us back to the Shack as Ford walked me in to the living room. Dipper slept the whole ride home, leaning on me and nuzzling me. I carried him to the couch and got some sleep myself.

I woke up to the sound of Ford’s loud snoring. I grunted in irritation as Dipper’s frothy drool soaked my clothes. I stood up, bolting to the shower. I washed my hair and body and came out with a fresh wolf tshirt and pair of grey sweat pants. I sat back down on the couch, nearly rolling in a puddle of Dipper’s drool. “You’re gonna make me do everything, huh?” I stood up, grabbing a bandana and tying it around Dipper’s neck to catch the drool. I cleaned up the drool on the couch, grabbing my phone to watch a movie. I turned on Rio, needing some childhood comfort. “Huh. They put a chain on the two of those birds.”

I heard a massive crash come from the kitchen, which woke Ford up. “I’ll manage this idiot.”

“Kenz, it’s 3 am. You should be asleep.” I glared at Ford and bolted to the kitchen, catching up to Dipper. He was sleep walking and making a mess. I facepalmed and bolted to Dipper. He started to bleat in his sleep. “Oh no you don’t. You’re not transforming into Deerper now.” I held onto Dipper, trying to stifle his deer like tendencies. Dipper squirmed and woke up, drooling on me. “Dipper. You were sleepwalking. Go back to the couch.”

Dipper flailed in my arms, trying to get out. “Let me go!!!” He yelped, swatting at my arms as I tripped on his foot, falling to the ground. Ford burst out laughing as I kept tripping on everything trying to get to get up. “You got him, eh?”

“Shut up and actually be helpful. I can keep an eye on the idiot for a change!!! If he bites you, at best you have to go to the hospital for shots for the next several weeks, and at worst…” A heavy feeling punched me in the gut as I turned my head away, dragging Dipper to the couch and holding him down. “Kenz—“

“Dipper. You have to be more careful.” Is he fully lucid at this point? I wrapped him in blankets and noticed that he wasn’t drooling anymore. Is he aware of the news? He must be terrified. Does he remember anything from being rabid? My heart ached for him, knowing that the first few weeks of recovery would be the hardest.

“Dipper, just go to sleep.”

“Kenz, why are you being so—“

“I said, Go to sleep!!! You were sleep walking!!! And don’t glare at me like that! I know what’s going on!!!” But Dipper kept squirming. “Kenz, let me go.”

“No!!!” I pinned him to the couch. “Look. I don’t know if you’re aware of how serious everything is. You could have died. And you could die. At any point! You’re not healthy and a single bite to anyone would infect them. I’m thy e only one who’s safe to bite. If you go rabid again, you could kill someone.”

Dipper’s eyes widened as he gazed at my wounds. “Did I—“

“It’s not your fault. You don’t know what you are doing half the time. Right now, the world feels so confusing and crazy and you’re all like, how am I not dead yet? I should be dead. The truth is, I care too much to see anyone die.” I held Dipper in the blanket burrito. “Kenz—“

“Dipper, just hold still.” I noticed a tick on his head. “Okay, I’m gonna let you go, but stay still. Ford, get the bug comb. Dipper has a massive tick in his hair.”

“WHAT?!!”

“Have you been going days without a shower?” A whiff of body odor caused me to bolt to the other side of the room. “Dipper. You’re getting a bath. A really long one.”

“You can’t make me.” Dipper stuck out his tongue. “I can.” I carried Dipper to the bathroom and locked the door. “Why did you lock us in here?”

“Because you need to get clean. You need basic hygiene. How do you expect to get better when you smell like a sweaty gym locker?” I started the bath, but Dipper bolted to the door. I tackled him, but he wrestled me off of him. I tripped him. “Dipper. Take your clothes off and get in the tub.”

“Make me.”

“MASON PINES!!!”

“Uh oh!!!” Dipper bolted to the other side of the room as I managed to get his shirt off. “There’s the bite. Dipper, how come you didn’t tell Ford you got bitten by whatever the hell bit you? You could’ve avoided the rabies nightmare and—“

“Shut up!!!” Dipper slipped on a puddle as I grabbed his pants, causing them to come off. “Underwear, now!!!”

“Fuck you.”

“Don’t make this harder on yourself.” I cringed, realizing what I had to do. I eventually managed to get Dipper in the tub. “The water’s fucking hot!!!”

“I elbowed it! It’s perfect temperature.” I doused him in soap, getting the bug comb to get the bugs out. “Fleas, ticks, and head-lice? Okay. I’m getting the heavy duty bug soap. How have you not gotten the bubonic plague or Lyme disease? Also, comb your hair. It’s matted worse than a neglected poodle’s.”

“And your hair is any better?”

“Yes. I actually shower every day. It helps me reset after dealing with your bullshit.” I’m getting sick of your bullshit, Dipper. I grumbled and groaned, glaring at Dipper so that he would actually wash his body and not just sit there. “Do you have to stare at me naked?”

“It’s called doubling. It’s for those who have executive functioning problems such as myself. At least my problems are not hygiene related.”

“I don’t have executive dysfunction.” Dipper rolled his eyes as I drained the tub and washed out all the dead bugs in his hair. Dipper tried to hide the bite wound from me. “Let me see it.”

“No.”

“It smells awful. I think it’s infected.” I held Dipper by his head and gazed at the bite on his torso. “Shit.” I caught a glimpse of a couple of maggots and swallowed back my vomit. “It’s just maggots, Kenz.”

“MAGGOTS?!!!”

“Don’t make this worse than it already is.” I grabbed some hydrogen peroxide and some gauze. “Hold the fuck still and this will be easy. If you squirm and squeal like Waddles, I will bite you and you’ll know what real pain is.”

Dipper froze as I washed my hands and put gloves o. I doused the wound in hydrogen peroxide, flushing the pus and the maggots out. I grabbed Ford’s scalpel and managed to cut out a lot of the infected tissue. Dipper held still the entire time, screaming curses like a baby. I called Ford over.

“Nice job.”

“I had a bit of practice on my own bite wounds.” The wound was free of infected tissue and was bleeding a bright red. “What do you think? Should we stitch it up, cauterize it, or wrap it in gauze and let nature work?”

“I’ll handle it from here.”

“Of course. I’ll hold Dipper still so he doesn’t bite you.” I put Dipper in the same gentle headlock as before, keeping his line of sight away from the wound. “I should’ve called Ford over sooner, but this was an emergency situation and Ford was out getting medicine. He did train me in treating my own wounds.”

“I fucking hate you so much.”

“Believe me, the feeling’s mutual.” Dipper wriggled to get out of my grasp as I rolled my eyes. “For fuck’s sake. Stay still.”

“It hurts.”

“You’re acting like a cheeky ankle biter with all your yapping!!!” Ford burst out laughing at my sudden Australian burst. “You watch too much Bluey.”

“And that’s something I’ll be proud to admit.” I heard a splash as Dipper tackled Ford. I spun back as Ford was struggling to wrestle Dipper off. He’s gone rabid again. Feeling a new energy channel through me, I tackled Dipper in my umbredoggo form. He retaliated by turning into his deer-like form, smacking my face with his paws. I hissed and bit him gently on the scruff, thinking it will immobilize him.

His antlers slashed at my jaw, cutting a vessel that caused electric blue blood to squirt everywhere. I locked antlers with Dipper, fanning my wings out. “This has to stop!!!” I spread my forelegs out in an arched position, growling. The blood draining from the wound on my jaw made me dizzy, and my head spun from the fight for consciousness. I struck Dipper in the skull with a swift nap from my right forepaw, enough to knock him out. I collapsed on the ground, heavily breathing and my flanks heaving from my sides. Ford rushed over to me as I tried to lay protectively on Dipper, keeping him from waking up and moving. Ford approached my head. “Let me see.”

“And risk Dipper waking up in his rabid state and biting you?” I snarled, holding his jaws shut as he flailed and started spazing. “I can knock him out with a tranquilizer.”

“Fine. But do it quickly.” Ford rushed over and jabbed a needle in Dipper’s neck. Dipper bucked me off, but collapsed as the drugs took effect. He passed out as I carried him to his bed before collapsing on it myself.

Ford grabbed me by the scruff, immobilizing me so that he could examine the wound. “You’re lucky it missed your carotid artery. You would have bled out in seconds.” Ford took out a pair of clippers and cut away the fur around the wound. I was in too much shock to really protest as he put stitches in the wound. I panted from exhaustion, walking up to Dipper’s bed and laying on him.

I dipped my head, sighing with exhaustion as the sun rose from the window. Ford patted my head and put a blanket on me. “Get some sleep.”

I nodded, leaning on Dipper. You have to see that things are different now. Dipper started running in his sleep. I put my wing on him to comfort him. He stopped stirring as I dozed off myself.

#gravity falls #self insert #ford pines #dipper pines #so much for stardust #bee helluva boss #helluva boss #angst #rabies #deerper #everything turns to deer for me

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