#dear diary ass post

[motochiri]

it's spring 🌼 woke up at noon & walked around the nature park w an old friend. it was packed and everything was dead but there were lots of turtles sunning on logs<3 being in the sun for a while made my freckles pop OUT like i forgot they were this....... STRONG........ & idk it feels.................. different today. nostalgia everywhere 🔮

[normal-goatboy]

Think I’m gonna blow my life up in 2023, honestly can’t wait

[vegaseatsass]

I'm rewatching Manner of Death with my friends who have never seen it in advance of 4 Minutes Friday, and experiencing Inspector M with people who have seen Wandee Goodday and more or less shriek like they're at a Beatles concert every time Great comes onscreen means I'm paying a lot more attention to his character this time around instead of just giggling at his incompetence and gratuitously tight uniform, then redirecting my attention. We all firmly believe he's in love with Doctor Bun but physiologically incapable of not fumbling that bag every chance he gets; I cannot believe M had a chance to court the hot doctor before every other character in the series fell in love with him, and he left Bun alone at a club to go pratfall into his future husband's arms instead of properly wining and dining him himself. Absolutely a metaphor for his police work. For me the absolute funniest thing M did so far was get REALLY insulted and upset when Doctor Bun said cops were wasting taxpayer dollars, like this really genuinely hurt his feelings, and go out of his way to follow ONE SINGLE CLUE (the abortion clinic clue he got from the journalist's laptop which BUN put all the effort and legwork into finding and rightfully steals back later), finally do ONE SINGLE PIECE OF WORK (but also arrest Fan, the town hero, so even his one win comes with innate-to-the-job copfails), and come running back to freely hand Bun police documents and bring him into a police interrogation just so he can be like see? see? I am helpful and good! I am still an eligible bachelor in a uniform three sizes too tight wyd tonight

Like he actually says out loud "Now do you think the police are wasting taxpayer dollars :D?" after he does this. He genuinely wants Doctor Bun's approval so badly despite making choice after choice that confirms every ACAB opinion he has. Lol I don't know if I can get across how funny I am finding it but I do think his writing is pretty great in that he is a COP cop, he obviously really believes in the police as an institution and will always choose them first and obey his commander's commands, but this hot man reading him to filth every time he turns around is still shaking him and making him want himself and the police as an institution to be able to be something they're not. Which is an entertaining position for an incompetent policeman to find himself in. I am enjoying it greatly.

[giddlygoat]

i’ve just been informed that some of my sam & max art made it into a callout post [my art was not the issue, just relevant to the context] and i find that impossibly hilarious

[freshfromhell]

hold on guys i gotta be weird and earnest on my blog for a second

these past two years have been so insane for my health, and especially my mental health. the rupture i dealt with last year strangely made me start remembering a lot of childhood memories i had totally forgotten. or... like... remembering them and contextualizing them and then realizing how truly fucked up they were. and the gyn appts I'd been going to had slowly wore down on me, until I suddenly was triggered into a full on ptsd freak out that lasted for over a week and made me realize how traumatic the shit i went through as a small child really was. and all of this compounded and made me realize that people don't experience much of the world the way i do. because i had always intellectually acknowledged that the things i went through as a kid were traumatizing and abusive, but I had never acknowledged it in the emotional sense. as in, having feelings about it. and as i've started actually addressing the things i felt and compartmentalized back then, i'm realizing that a lot of people don't feel things the way i do. a lot of people don't experience the fear, and the rage, and the irrationality that comes with ptsd. they don't understand the crushing helplessness, and the lashing violence that follows. the physical, clawing, teeth-aching need to fight one's own powerlessness at any cost.

obviously, if you follow me, you read MANIA, and probably relate to my writing enough to know what I'm talking about. i've written these traits into billy and mandy with intention. it just hadn't occurred to me until recently that some people have never grappled with these types of feelings. that the reason i could not find these type of characters in the books i read growing up is simply because most people don't know the feeling, or cannot verbalize it.

there is a great amount of people that have never been pushed so far as to have to toe the line between the rational man and the frightened, primal animal. they can experience loss and grief and injustice and it does not feel like the end of all things. their grief does not manifest itself like a black hole, turning the world around them into a soundless, colorless void. they will tell you that it will pass, that you'll get over it, that it's not the end of the world. they will tell you there's nothing to be afraid of, to just do it, that it won't even hurt. they'll tell you that you have no choice anyway. it's do or die. it's all inevitable. you can't control anything. but you'll be fine. you can just get help. they'll dance themselves in rational little circles around you. placating, rationalizing, condescending. like it all never occurred to you. like it was ever an option. like you have a choice.

i guess my point is: i didn't know that so many people had never turned from the sun to peek down at their own shadow. the thought has never even occurred to them. some people don't know they have a shadow at all. a lot of people don't have these dark night of the soul moments over and over again, and when they do have them, they are not so harrowing, not so bone-deep. it is a wound, but life for them has not been all wounds. it is easy for them to remember that the wound will heal. it is easy for them to remember the coming promise of the sun. for them, the sun has always risen, and the wounds have always healed.

anyways, i'm losing steam here, so let me get this out quick:

i had a dream last month about saving a bobcat i initially thought was a rabbit being mauled by a dog. i saved the bobcat, but not before the dog ripped off its leg. it yowled and lunged at me as i backed away from it through the snow. it carried its leg between its teeth, growling around the meaty stump, splattering blood in loops all around the snowy ground as it chased me. i wanted to help it. i wanted to save it. to pin it down and stitch it back together again. but it was too angry, too vicious, to get close enough to help.

as i drove out to chicago a couple weeks ago, i saw a real one, fluffy with a stubby tail, dead and stretched along the side of the road. it looked like a teddy bear. that probably means something.

[starboymp3]

my mental state or whatever is so bad these days i genuinely started thinking that my purpose in life is literally just to kill myself lmfaoo 😭

[lottaham]

Hai…

[gonedigital22]

September 29th 2024

i need a job just as much as I need a bear to eat off my face. Working is a horrific experience. Though, it is fortunate I get to do it from home. My psychotic brain is far too gone to even possess the courage to work in an office again. I fear loosing my job. It is very good for someone like me, or rather better than the alternative. Still though I hate it with every wish I ever made to be free from it.

I want to scream at every face I pass by, exclaim "This isn't normal! What is a life spent working!? Shall we all die together slowly? Shall we all hold hands and allow the tides to swallow us up? Are we really going to sit here and watch the rape of humanity occur to everyone we have ever known or loved?"

But I am a hypocrite, I march along with all of you, toiling in my office chair.

-Elizabeth 9/29/24

[citylighten]

You are the most beautiful in the world

BEGINNING // PREVIOUS // NEXT

[centralpark1981]

does anyone remember the user on here back in like 2012-2016 era that was a teen girl from Australia and she was popular because of her storytime posts she'd make? I remember the one where her friends got her a baby duck for her birthday and had to hide it from her mom at school. There was also a post she made about the 2009 dust storm that turned australia red, and I think there was one about how magpies and other birds would attack during the spring time and she would fend them off with branches and stuff. She was also a bon iver fan and I found her twitter once in like 2019 and she was a raylo but I could never find her blog again like please god tell me her url if you remember it the tumblr search function is so broken I can't find any of those posts

[altrxisme]

@swordofthreekings sent “Don’t touch her/him” (Either or both?)

Send “Don’t touch her/him” to see my muse’s reaction to your muse defending them against a physical threat // accepting!! — You're getting both! Have a Jackson first ;)

This particular cultist was either quite bold or they were ready to die as Cor's arm kept Jackson behind him, the man's blade kept the sword swing from following through.

The brunet wasn't completely defenseless, far from it even, but certain weapons had quite the advantage over him. More so if they were able to get the drop on him and close the distance.

He was thankful for the other's presence there. Jackson wasn't about to let the princess be on her own.

[vegaseatsass]

I took a nap earlier tonight which was a luxurious and great choice on my part but now I'm fighting the impulse to fuck around online til 9am when My Stand-in 5 drops and just catch up on sleep on Saturday lol

[kiwikiwikiwiii]

How can I be a fraud if I'm not even asking for money?

[beatsboy]

sort of wishing i had covid so i could explain all that is feeling destroyed and wretched in this dying body

[starboymp3]

does anyone else have that feeling sometimes when youre saying goodbye to someone that you wont see them again lol

[lottaham]

I have wildly underestimated how hard it is finding content of SkyIanders characters of all things. Trying to find stuff of Sņap Shot is like that scene from Monsters Inc where Sully and Mike are abandoned in the artic and Sully frantically opens and shuts the door that brought them there to no avail