#dear Sam

[jadelathetranny]

Dear Sam,

Hello again. So I have to be honest. I think the catalyst for creating a blog to was to better articulate some of the issues I've been having with my relationship. First, some background, I have been in a relationship going on 5 months now and I suck :P Seriously I've been having a hard time navigating my emotions and how best to express myself in this relationship. This is my first relationship and it is becoming very apparent that I do not have any idea what I'm doing. This makes sense since this is a first-time thing for me I just tend to think I should know everything, which proves to be its own challenge. But I digress. I feel as though I am actively hurting our relationship. See, I love Sam. Very much. I feel that my absence of a romantic partner or even success in my platonic friendships hurt him and I hate that. I hate that it reflects in our relationship. I understand that I should give myself more grace with such a new experience but I often find myself wishing that it wasn't such a costly toll on each of us.

I shared with him the other night a scary thought, but a thought that remains true. "I don't think I was ready for a relationship when we first met." I'd say most people have their first relationship at much younger ages than me a 22-year-old. (yes, this is stupid) I just wish I had a few other relationships under my belt to make mistakes with rather than risk losing the love of my life. I wish I was just better prepared for him. I hate subscribing him to someone insecure and naive in love. I let my past relationships and trauma infect our relationship like mold on last week's leftovers but refuse to toss it out. -The dilemma: I hurt someone I claim to care about but I cannot even begin to think of a world without him. Is this selfish? Or am I putting complete faith in my man?

Dear Sam, I don't want you to read these excerpts. Even though they are technically addressed to you I think this is a fun way to open up talking points with myself. As if I am simply writing a silly little letter directly to the love of my life. I will say I should also prioritize speaking to you In person as it is becoming painfully clear that I have communication problems I need to work through with you to grow. I would like to use these as "screeners" if you will. A filter of thought and processing that needs to happen before I talk to you in person. I don't want this to be a buffer between us, I just feel like I need to practice talking about my feelings. Hypocritical as this sounds: to work on talking with you I gotta type it out on a blog :) I'm new to this and I'm trying my best so bear with me world. We are gonna get better.

[northernfireart]

read the whole story> here by @clarionglass :)

[paunchsalazar]

Castiel bringing Dean back from Hell vs. bringing back Sam

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[ministarfruit]

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[seasononesam]

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[hinamie]

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[take-it-on-the-run]

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[talesfromthecrypts]

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[hellosweetdayspng]

2022 Birthday Mugs

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[sweetdayspng]

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[sammygender]

Dean, just stop.

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[bloomics]

via roseys_kawaii_shop on instagram