#deanial

[kaz2y5bradbury]

Castiel’s diary hunters journal entry 2:

Dean and I went to get ‘burgers from the dinner near where we are staying.  They were good. Dean bought me two. We are hunting a demon right now. Dean says its a ‘sonnovabitch’. Sam says it’s a lower level demon. Dean has been pacing the room. He looks tense. I have tried reasoning with him. He says we need to find it before more people die. I am worried about the hunt. 

[sirlancenotalot]

ok so calling them my partner or s/o is a recent development because i'm aroace and i kind of went back and forth with this because of stuff and this was me a few days ago

[vision meme] maybe i am dean winchester

not my partner (who knows spn by association) suggesting that we should be dean and cas on this game because it would be funny and that we could name our alliance spn (yep we're dean and cas now)

[caztiel]

we got aziraphil howley for halloween can we get castiphil deanial for november 5th

[lovekz]

can you write "deanial" part 2?? really love that, cause i love hurting myself :>

do you mean this denial?

if so, it's apart of a series that i did called "the five stages of grief"

it's finished now btw

other than that, i'm not too sure of what you're talking abt

im glad you like it though! <3

[campchitaquamemories]

ok but why [ash] [andy gallagher] [castiel] [deputy linus] [nick munroe] [dr. sexy] [security guard bill] [benny lafitte] [aaron bass] [deputy brice graham] [bartender donnie] [gunner lawless] [lee webb] if dean not bi?

[dessertbird]

Cas was in deanial about his feelings for Dean.

[helianthus21]

Monday 6: Jealous

[doing this] ~1,2k

The rationale so far is this:

Dean’s used to having pretty girls admire him, girls they save from what goes bump in the night. He’s a hero in their eyes, one that saved their lives and, judged by Dean’s considerable experience, that’s easily one one the best turn-ons. It scored him a fun night in the sheets on more than a few occasions and with the lifestyle he’s leading he seizes every such opportunity when it’s offered to him. He’s not gonna say no to a good thing among all the shit life throws at him after all, and he’s proud to say it happens more to him than to Sam because everyone agrees he’s the more handsome brother of the two.

That, and only that is the reason why he’s so grouchy at the way the current damsel of the week is throwing herself at Cas of all people. 

There’s just something wrong in the way Chiyo grabs Cas’ hand under the pretense of looking for comfort and reassurance that the monster really can’t harm her anymore which Cas readily gives. Because he doesn’t know what it means when she bats her eyelashes at Cas, the White Knight of her very own rom-com and asks him to walk her home “just in case”.

“Just in case” what exactly, Dean thinks and rolls his eyes at her audacity. The ghoul’s fucking dead as a doornail, can’t get any deader, get a grip, girl.

And maybe he’s being a little unfair to her but that’s just ‘coz his pride’s a little hurt ‘coz this woman’s got no friggin’ taste. 

The strange tightness in Dean’s stomach gets worse when Chiyo pretends to stumble over her own feet so Cas can catch her in his strong arms and Chiyo can admire just how strong they are with her own hands. She actually tightens her grip around Cas’ biceps to get a good feeling. 

Dean grits his teeth in a fit of inexplicable rage. He feels irritated on behalf of his friend, of course. Poor dude has no idea he’s being flirted with. That lady’s taking advantage of a clueless angel, basically!

Next to him, Sam bumps him with an elbow, grinning. “Hey, if they became a thing, their ship name could be ‘Chica’.”

“Shut up, Sam!” Dean bites back.

Taken aback, Sam holds up a hand. “Touchy, touchy,” he says. “What got your panties in a twist?”

“Maybe I just got enough of your ugly mug.”

“Okay,” Sam says, not at all put out by Dean’s testy comment, seeming more amused instead. “So which one of ‘em are you jealous of?” 

Feeling like he needs to block an attack without a clue as to how, Dean whips around. “What?”

But Sam just brushes past him, following Cas and Chiyo at a respectable distance. “Oh, nothing.”

Before the next intersection, they’ve reached Chiyo’s apartment. “That’s it,” she announces, playing with her keys and flashing nervous glances the brothers’ way. “I live on the third floor.”

Okay, Dean thinks. So this is goodbye. Finally.

But Chiyo has other ideas. “Do you want to maybe… come upstairs with me? I have coffee,” she suggest hopefully, looking at Cas and only Cas and wow rude, Dean thinks. What are Sam and him, chopped liver? 

He opens his mouth to say exactly that but Sam puts a hand on his shoulder, swivels him around with force. “We better go, give them some alone time,” he whispers significantly before raising his voice so Cas and Chiyo can hear. “We’re hitting the road, bye Chiyo. Seeya later, Cas.”

And before Dean can gather his wits enough to react, Sam’s urging him further along the road towards where they parked Baby. 

Each step away from them feels like a stab through the heart, and Dean should know what that feels like. 

“Hey, I know I gave you shit about this earlier, but if you wanna talk,” Sam says softly. “You know…”

Dean doesn’t look up from the road. He doesn’t know if he could cover up the frown on his face with a suitable mask right now. Truth is, his denial techniques only reach so far. Deep down, he’s knows his feelings for Cas span farther than the Milky Way and are more complex than some part of him wishes they were. 

Because it’s hard, being who he is and loving someone like Castiel. 

Castiel, who seems so close yet so out of reach sometimes. 

It seemed so easy for Chiyo, to pull Cas into her orbit. Maybe someone like her is just what Cas needs. Someone far away from the hunting life, someone less complicated. Someone who doesn’t trip over his own feet as much when it comes to talking feelings. 

Maybe she could be good for Cas.

He won’t pretend to like it, though.

So he takes up Sam’s offer, the only way he knows how. “‘I got coffee upstairs’,” he scoffs. “How cheap was that?”

“Very cheap,” agrees Sam benevolently. “Apple pie?”

Dean sniffs. “Biggest we can find.”

***

Cas flaps into their motel room not longer than half an hour later. After Sam and Dean drove by a bakery to buy the biggest apple pie they have, Sam’s gone out to commune with nature or whatever he’s doing when he wants to give Dean some space. So it’s just Dean here to greet the angel, hunched over the sink to eat his piece of pie without dropping crumbs all over.

“She did not have coffee,” Cas reports, skipping the hello. 

“Huh,” is all Dean can get out, fork freezing halfway to his mouth. 

Cas steps further into the motel room. “Apparently that was a ploy to get me into her apartment.”

“Oh?”

“She kissed me.”

Dean says nothing. He wouldn’t know what without sounding like an asshole. His throat’s suddenly tight and his eyes sting annoyingly.

“I told her, very politely, that I was not interested,” says Cas. 

Dean drops his fork into the sink. “Why?” 

"I don't…," Cas starts. "I wasn't interested."

"You said that," Dean says dryly. "Why not? She's pretty, seemed sharp and funny too and she was obviously into you." He doesn't know why he argues the point when every word is like a nail in his own coffin.

But Cas shakes his head, a little sadly. "It wouldn't be honest."

Dean chews his lower lip, mind racing. "You have pretty high standards, huh."

"The highest," Cas squints at him. "He'd have to be quite a Righteous Man, in fact."

Dean breathes in.

And he breathes out.

"Well, shit, Cas."

Cas' gaze drops to the floor. "It is quite unfortunate a situation…"

"Unfortunate how?"

"Because he doesn't-"

"...Admit he loves you back."

Cas frowns because that clearly wasn’t what he was gonna say but it’s quickly chased away by the small smile that replaces his confusion. "Apparently," he says softly, still a little uncertain. 

"Well, he's an idiot, Cas." 

"It's a very endearing part of his personality. If trying, at times."

Dean shrugs, a grin of his own fighting for control of his features. "As long as you're into it." 

And then he does the bravest thing he ever did.

He pulls Cas into their very first kiss.

It tastes faintly like apple pie.

[its-everything-oclock]

I decided spn ended on 13x06 🖤

[jilted-love]

Lmao Cas is the new Marvel’s Loki 

[deanandcaswithwords]

Little Drop of Poison (ao3)

Amazonia_8 (63,275; NC17)

Summary:  Castiel doesn't know how to explain what happened to him a year ago, only that something killed his friend and a mysterious Alpha appeared out of the blue to make it all go away.

Now he spends his days running a small holistic health shop in LA, unaware that a looming political decision will throw him back into the path of the stranger he's never been able to forget. But how are they supposed to navigate monsters, conspiracies, violent pasts and family secrets when the only thing their instincts care about is making them mates?

Comments: This was actually a really fun political intrigue fic. Oftentimes, fics like this can drag through the slower, research parts, but this fic has something to compensate for that: smut! Desperate denial-filled true-mate smut! And the political conspiracy side of the story and the hunter vs. non-hunter side of the story are just intertwined enough to keep the plot cohesive. Gabriel is pretty fantastic in this fic, and I loved Cas’ employees and the Balthazar cameos.

Sort of an atypical ABO verse where reverse discrimination actual came true. Omegas knocked alphas out of power and now the omegas are in charge and the alphas are oppressed. 

Now if this were a movie or something, I’d say the resolution went just a tad too smoothly, but this is fanfic and all I really want is for these two numbskulls to live happily ever after so I’m not gonna complain.

[campchitaquamemories]

@citizen-zero Sam “the amount of microaggressions I experience daily from my brother means I know the struggle you live with daily and I only want to help bring that to light” Winchester

NOTHING is funnier to me than Sam "Went to a Liberal Arts School" Winchester being like "i'm so well-adjusted and knowledgeable about Real people, if only *I* was the queer sibling, i woud handle it so much better and be SUCH a good gay, but alas I am tragically Straight" meanwhile dean is hucking on as much flannel as he can and chugging beer and fondling a pool stick like every butch lesbian trying to play at being straight, bent over the pool table booty-out like, "you ARE the queer sib tho?"

ajshkshfkdjfk ok sam trying to be a good ally discourse is out now the only thing I care about is this. dean sucked a dude off in the bathroom then called sam gay for ordering a salad and sam is just like I would have been so much better at this than you at least I know the lgbt LORE, dean

[rustling-pages]

But hes not tho

Since when???

I mean, occasionally you think: By Chuck, I think he’s finally got it! 

But you were mistaken.

[googledocsdyke]

deanial

the politics of repression and self-deanial,

[ninacarstairss]

C h a p t e r 4 0

WHAT DO YOU MEAN CHAPTER 40?? THERES NO CHAPTER 40 IN CK IT DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS HOUSE WE LIVE IN CONSTANT DENIAL

[campchitaquamemories]

Rhonda Hurley this one’s for you baby

[helianthus21]

Before finding out what exactly Cas, the creature who pulled Dean out of hell, is, Dean insists he must be a siren bc Dean cannot admit that this attraction he feels towards Cas is his own