#dean would melt is the worst part

[shallowseeker]

Dean, who sometimes fantasized about being admired, about getting real meaningful attention, like how in Tall Tales he romanticized a love interest saying: “looking at you is like staring into the sun”

God I mean

no one talks like that outside of cheap romance novels probably but but but—

If Cas did get flowery

if he did happen to break out the poetry

Or words like beautiful

Dean would’ve never recovered

[lostgirl677]

They didn't destroy you

One-shot

Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Established relationship

Masterlist

Summary: After Dean escaped Hell, he's still traumatized and Y/N helps him through it.

A/N: It takes place at the beginning of season 4

A terrifying scream tore through the night, waking me up with a start and making my heart beat faster. Even in my hazy state, I already knew who it was. I tried to open my tired eyes completely, then jumped out of bed to quickly get up and ran to his bed. The sight broke my heart. Dean, the fearless hunter and one of the bravest men I knew, lying here, shivering. Dean was drenched in sweat and tears, and he was all tangled in his bedsheets. I knew he was having a nightmare again. I slowly approached his bedside. “Dean”, I called softly while shaking his shoulder but he fought back. “Dean, wake up,” I said again as I kept shaking him. His eyes suddenly shot open and his body jolted as he sat up on the bed. His hands gripped my shoulders, making me jump back. He looked at me, completely panicked and his breathing was seriously labored. I could almost hear his heart beating.

“Dean, it’s okay. You are fine. You are awake, it’s over.” I attempted as I wiped his tears and reassuringly caressed his arms. “Y/N?” he asked, a bit stunned, with a clear relief in his voice. I smiled a bit at him and answered “Yeah, it’s me.” He looked anxiously around us and realization seemed to strike him and he suddenly released his grip on my shoulders. But it was to immediately wrap his arms around my belly. My heart literally skipped a beat at his gesture and goosebumps formed all over my skin. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I hope I didn’t hurt you.” he said with a raspy voice as he buried his face in my shirt. I melted in his tender embrace and hugged him back while caressing his hair gently. I could feel his tears soaking my shirt. “It’s okay. Don’t worry.” I assured him softly. His embrace slowly became tighter and tighter with each of my words, and his sobs grew louder. My heart shattered in a thousand pieces at the sight of this broken man. The man I loved more than anything. Dean would normally never let me see this part of him. But that night showed me how broken he really was.

For a moment, it was like we were apart from the world around us. It was just him and I, with his uncontrollable sobs for background noise. The worst was that I couldn’t possibly console him. Not after what he’s been through in Hell. Nothing could ease such trauma and pain. So, instead of talking, I just kept caressing his hair. But suddenly, I felt Dean removing his head from my shirt and I immediately looked at him, concerned. His eyes were red and puffy from crying and his cheeks were tearstained. Gently, my hand made its way to his face to wipe the stray tears, and he leaned his head on my hand. And he just looked at me, his eyes piercing through my soul. Silent tears were still escaping his eyes. He kept staring at me, in silence, as the tears still escaped his eyes. His eyes had lost their youthful shine. The only thing making them shine, now, was the tears.

Then, he opened his mouth and broke the silence. “Back there.” he said, gulping. “Back there, I yelled your name endlessly. Till my throat hurt, till I lost my voice.” he added, as his voice broke a little. I felt my eyes pricking a bit at his words. And before I could say something, I heard him taking a breath. “I never stopped thinking about you. You helped me to not turn into one of them. You were my anchor to my humanity. To everything I ever believed in. They kept beating me, torturing me till my body fell apart. Just to rebuild it and to do it all over again. They kept  saying terrible things about you and Sam. That you had forgotten about me, that you never loved me. But sometimes, I was able to remember the loving gaze you always give me, all your loving words. I was so scared to become a demon and that you…” his voice completely broke this time. Tears were now falling freely on my cheeks, completely overwhelmed by what he said. Images of what he had been through were flashing in my mind, making his words even more impactful as I let my imagination take over.

Dean stretched his right hand to slowly stroke my cheek with his calleous thumb. A small smile appeared on my face. His soft side was still there, meaning they failed to destroy him. Slowly, I bent my knees to give him a gentle kiss on his rosy lips. At first a bit surprised, he kissed me back, closing his eyes as he melted in my contact. I then ended the kiss and carefully sat next to him. His hand lightly took mine and his eyes were still on me. “Dean.”, I began softly. “What you are telling me proves that the demons failed miserably. They didn’t destroy you. You are still the most loving, and the most selfless person I know.” His eyes became a bit brighter as tears appeared again. “Those fuckers are just liars. They know nothing about love. About you. About us. They don’t know all the things I did to try to get you back. They don’t know how much I love you. They are unable to fathom a love like ours. I’m going to help you through it. We’ll fight the nightmares together.” I made a pause and looked at his face. The expression of his eyes, full of love,  made my heart swell. “I love you, Y/N” was all he said. But he didn’t need to add anything else. All the unspoken words he wanted to say could be read in his eyes. And he leaned again for a soft kiss.

After that kiss, I finally got up to get him a glass of water but a gentle hand snaked around my wrist and his broken voice whispered “ Please, don’t leave me.”  I turned my head to look in his direction.I surrendered the idea of water and simply replied softly “I didn’t have the intention to.” I swiftly closed the distance between us and embraced him in my arms. After a few minutes in this position, I made a gesture to invite Dean to lay down. And we finally both laid down on the bed. Dean cried a bit longer on my chest before falling asleep. “I love you.” I mumbled as I placed a kiss on his forehead and I soon fell asleep too.

@hobby27

[1-800-local-slut]

All I Want (2/3)

Dean has a crush. Nothing strange, Dean's fallen for tons of women. Only problem is it’s on his brother’s girlfriend. She’s a sweet girl, who makes Sammy happy. And that makes Dean happy. Only problem is he wants some of that happiness, and he doesn’t want it from anyone else.

Dean Winchester x Black! Fem! Reader (One-sided)

Sam Winchester x Black! Fem! Reader

Warnings: one sided love, pining, Dean is thinks badly about himself, mentions of alcohol, Dean wants reader bad but she's in love with Sam, Dean's really scared and really guilty, reader wears jewelry, most (if not all) of the female characters have a lot of accessories (lipgloss, nails, lashes, mascara, jewelry) because a lot of my works are self-indulgent and I'm a girly-girl ngl so i like being dressed up and having a lot of accessories on so if its not for you just ignore it

Part 2 of 3! Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'm so grateful I was able to start this blog because I've really found myself through it. I'm grateful to all of you as well, thank you so much for reading my works. Ily all, and I hope you had a wonderful day!

Please let me know if you guys enjoy!

Check out part three if you enjoyed!

༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻

Over the past year and a half, Dean's gotten used to jealousy. The feeling of jealousy that he tries to fight off constantly. He'll sit and think 'it's your brother, be happy for him' yet he can't. Not to say he isn't overjoyed with Sam's happiness. Yet, he feels it so often it's nearly impossible to ignore.

When doing research, she comes in with two cups of coffee and gives Sam a soft kiss on the cheek, he feels it. When they're at a diner and she'll tenderly spoon feed him some of her food. When he's giving her a soft back rub and she's dozing off underneath him, and falls asleep with soft snores.

It's not like Dean's never wanted a relationship. Sometimes, all he'll want is someone to be with and hold him. This was not the same. This was a specific desire, a desire for her.

Believe him, he's tried. He's tried dating others, maybe girls who look just slightly like her or girls who have some trace of her personality. Nothing ever worked, he would lay in bed beside them trying not to wish it was her. Trying not to wish her soft hands were the ones holding his.

The guilt is what really kills him. The guilt that his brother finally gets a girl and he's basically drooling over her. The worst part is, he can't tell if Sam knows or not. He can't tell if Sam's dissected the longing looks he sends her way, the way he melts under her hugs, the way his gaze softens when he looks at her.

When they visit a bar, while Dean is at the bar getting more drinks or talking to some girl and she's sitting in Sam's lap talking about something. Sam's big hands rubbing her thighs tenderly, the way Dean wants to. Does Sam see how he's trying not to stare?

No, it can't be. It can't happen. Sam can't know or find out. If Sam did, he would be crushed. Dean already knew he couldn't hurt his brother so much. Lord knows Sam's never had the best luck with ladies. Each one he gets, is taken from him with vigor. Dean can't do anything about the constant guilt he feels knowing that deep down he wants to take her away from Sam for himself.

The betrayal of knowing that your own brother wants to be the one holding your girlfriend at night, the one holding her hands, would destroy any pair of brothers.

Now he was sitting with his head in his hands outside the convenience store. Of course, Sam and his lady needed to go get condoms and Plan-B. Why wouldn't they, after last week's scare? They came terrifyingly close to becoming parents and in usual Sam fashion he took the steps to ensure it wouldn't happen again.

They'd be good parents, Dean thinks. Sam could certainly do it. Sam was the one who could talk his feelings out instead of drinking them away. He was the one who could give life advice, not a stupid pun that probably wouldn't do much to help. Sam was just Sam.

The door next to him opened and in slid the object of his desires. In her hands, a bag and her purse. Plopping it down at her feet, Sam crawled into the back.

"You two crazy kids get what you need?" Dean chuckled, trying to mask the slight pang he felt when he noticed the condoms peeking out of the bag. Dean can't remember the last time he needed to buy condoms.

She nodded, flipping down the mirror and painting on some lip gloss. Dean wanted to kiss it all off her, and feel her nails running through his hair as he held her.

"All stocked up, right baby?" She asked a sleepy Sam, who was dozing off for a nap.

"Yeah." Sam responded, rolling over onto his side. She passed a hair tie to him, without him even asking and Sam uttered a soft thank you and pinned his hair out of his face for an impromptu nap. They were on their way back from a hunt in Daytona Beach, a simple salt and burn really.

Sam did most of the fighting actually, and now as a result of fighting off ghost for the past four days was snoring softly in the back with his sweater wrapped around him.

Starting the engine, Dean reversed from the parking lot. Only six hours until home and he could put some distance between himself and the stunner next to him.

Dean hoped he could just suffer quietly through the ride but his wishes weren't granted.

"That was a weird hunt, that lady cried all over me and got snot on my jacket." She commented, pulling out the new pack of press-ons she had picked up from the store and holding them up next to her arm to see how they'd look against her skin.

"Yeah, that was a family of criers." Dean chuckled, his palms sweating. Now he had to converse and wallow in his heart ache? It was too much.

She plopped the nails in her purse before she turned on her side, now looking at Dean. She tenderly pressed her fingers to a bruise on his face. He'd gotten it when he got slapped with a branch running through the woods. It made a deep, ugly scar that Dean didn't want to admit hurt as much as it did. The blood had dried, but he didn't have time to properly clean it.

Considering their hunt ended with immediately jumping in the car and speeding away from that weird ass town, a shower wasn't his top priority. She complained the entire 15 hours so far that Dean and Sam smelt like sweat, and Dean made a show of capturing her in a big hug when they stopped for gas. Seriously, that town was weird, even the showers felt weird.

"I have to bandage this up." The soft words made Dean suck in a breath, trying to hide the shiver that shot through him.

"If you want." Dean remarked, shrugging his shoulders and trying to keep his eyes on the winding road in front of him. It just seemed to go on forever.

"Well we can't let it get infected. Who knows what we'd do without you?" She giggled and sat up right, twisting her body around to fish around for a first aid kit. He couldn't help but smile, the insinuation that she needed him made his heart flutter around.

Dean tried to keep his eyes focused on the road but it was worthless to try. He glanced down at her waist, her everything while she was looking for the small bag. He wanted to be the one wrapping his hands around her and hoisting her into the air for a deep kiss.

"Got it! Here, pull over, let's get this done now." Pointing to the side of the road, down raised a brow.

"What's the hurry?" No seriously, what's the hurry? Dean needed time to prepare himself for her close proximity. His heart might jump out of his chest the way it was hammering around in his rib cage already.

"I'm tired, come on." She urged, pushing his shoulder.

"The way you're so eager to help makes me think this is a ploy to shank me." He chuckled, pulling over onto the side of the road. Her eyes playfully rolled and she shook her head in a smile. The Sun bounced off her and Dean watched her slowly open the bag and set aside some antibiotics and bandaids.

"It's deeper than I thought. Go sit on the hood, I'll be right out." The order was firm but it made Dean grumble. His legs were sore, the underside of his thighs were sore. He wished he was fast asleep in the back, snoring his heart out like Sam.

"Why do I have to get out?" Dean groaned. His ass was sore enough. After sitting for the drive, and landing on his ass after getting slapped with the tree branch, he'd be surprised if his backside wasn't bruised like a peach falling from a tree.

"There isn't enough space in here for me to clean it properly, I'd have to like, sit on you." While she was slipping her shoes on, Dean swallowed thickly.

He was picturing her soft thighs on his, chest pushed into his while she held his face in her hands. She'd take her time, cleaning the cut before wiping away the dried blood and putting the bandaid on. He'd stare into her brown eyes, showing her everything he felt and the world would disappear around them. The car, the Sun, the sky, everything. It would be the two of them, the way Dean really wanted.

He would hold her face gently, taking her full lips in for a soft kiss, and she would kiss him back with eagerness. Big hands would leave her face to hold her in place on his lap, and he could nearly feel the ghost of her nails raking over his scalp.

He knew she was a hair puller, because he heard a one off conversation of her apologizing for nearly tearing some of Sam's hair out. And because he walked in on them making out, and quickly slid out the room before he could be spotted. Her hands were yanking on Sam's long hair, while he (rather aggressively) held her face and was attempting to tear her shirt off her. He doesn't like to think of that day.

Clambering out of the car, Dean wished his muscles would stop aching and pushed his body down into a stretch before he plopped onto the hood of Baby.

The door shut and she came out, fluffing out the part of her hair she'd been laying on.

"Open your legs."

"What?" That startled Dean more than anything he'd ever seen or dealt with.

"So I can stand? What's the matter with you?" Her eyebrow raised and hands on her hips.

"Sorry. Just tired." Dean chuckled, and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. He pushed his legs open the best she could and she shimmed her way in. Her hips were too wide for the small gap he provided and he hissed at the pain of his legs being forced apart.

"Oh hush. If you take a warm shower when you get home it'll help. She got onto the tips of her toes, pushing his head back. The Sun gleamed in his eyes and he shut them. Everything just seemed to hurt today.

The sting of the alcohol patch rubbed his skin, and she cleared off the dried blood. Her soft hands rubbed cooling ointment onto the skin, while she held him in place by his neck. Closing his eyes, Dean embraced the moment, as wrong as it was.

It warmed him, down to his toes. That ugly feeling in his stomach grew, as he remembered Sam was sleeping in the back. Later on, she would be giving Sam a neck rub, since he would certainly wake up with an aching neck after he was put in a chokehold and was now awkwardly slouched over in the back. Dean would be alone, nursing his own sore muscles.

Before he knew it, the moment was over. She placed the bandaid on his face and smiled gently at him.

"There, all better." She turned, bouncing back to the car and sitting comfortably in the passengers seat, leaving Dean to his spinning thoughts. Maybe the cut on his face wasn't throbbing anymore, but his heart certainly was.

[peppymintdreams]

A resurfacing Nightmare

Andrew Marston x Darling

Dreams of their once big scandal haunt Andrew so much he wonders why

Andrew jolted awake, his heart pounding in his chest, sweat dampening his sheets. The dream had been so vivid too real. He sat up, running a hand through his disheveled hair as he tried to slow his breathing. The room was dark, except for the faint glow of the moonlight slipping through the blinds. Darling slept soundly beside him, completely unaware of the storm that had just ravaged his mind.

It was the same nightmare that had haunted him for weeks now. In it, the walls of his classroom blurred into the oppressive hallways of the university. His desk loomed large, like a judgmental figure watching him as whispers circled around him. He could hear the accusations the rumors about his relationship with Darling. The scandal that had nearly destroyed everything.

In the dream, he stood in front of the Dean again, but this time, the Dean wasn’t simply questioning his professionalism no, she was outright condemning him. "You’ve ruined your career, Andrew," she spat, her voice a venomous echo. "And for what? A fleeting romance?" Behind her, faceless students murmured in agreement, their voices rising like a tidal wave, drowning him in shame. Even Luca had been there, watching from the sidelines, his usual harmless smile turned into a smirk of disapproval.

The worst part, though, was Darling. They stood at the back of the room, their expression unreadable, slipping further and further out of his reach. He tried to call out to them, but his voice was strangled in his throat, his words lost in the cacophony of judgment. He could see them fading into the shadows, the gap between them widening as his career and his life fell apart.

Andrew sighed, rubbing his temples, trying to shake the remnants of the nightmare. His mind was often rational, logical he prided himself on it. But the nightmare played on his deepest fears, the ones he rarely voiced. He was terrified that the scandal would resurface, that the quiet life he had built with Darling would shatter in an instant. Even though they had moved past it, the possibility of it all coming back to haunt them lingered like a shadow in the back of his mind.

As he looked down at Darling, their peaceful face brought him some comfort. He hadn’t woken them, thankfully. Carefully, he slipped out of bed, not wanting to disturb their rest, and padded softly into the kitchen. He needed something to distract himself a cup of tea, perhaps.

The ritual of making tea was familiar and grounding. He boiled the water, listening to the kettle’s soft whistle. As the steam rose, he felt some of the tension leave his shoulders. But the lingering weight of the nightmare didn’t disappear completely.

Pouring the tea, Andrew leaned against the counter, staring blankly at the cup. He hated how vulnerable the whole situation made him feel. Despite everything his intelligence, his achievements he couldn’t control this gnawing fear inside him. He couldn’t stop thinking about how close they had come to losing it all.

A soft creak behind him made him turn. Darling stood in the doorway, rubbing their eyes sleepily. “Andrew?” they murmured, their voice thick with sleep. “What are you doing up?”

He hesitated, not wanting to burden them with his worries, but the concern in their eyes melted his resolve. “Just… had a nightmare,” he admitted, his voice quieter than usual.

Darling approached, wrapping their arms around his waist and resting their head on his shoulder. “The same one?”

Andrew nodded, feeling some of the tension in his body ease with their touch. "It’s ridiculous," he muttered, "we’ve moved past all of that. But sometimes it feels like it’s waiting to resurface."

Darling held him tighter, sensing the vulnerability he rarely showed. "It won’t," they whispered against his shoulder. "We’re stronger now. Together."

For a long moment, they stood there in the quiet of the kitchen, the warmth of the tea rising between them. Andrew slowly relaxed in their embrace, feeling the darkness of the nightmare recede. They were right—he wasn’t alone. Not anymore.

Darling pulled back slightly, looking up at him with a small smile. “How about we go back to bed? You don’t have to face it on your own.”

Andrew’s lips quirked up at the corners, a rare softness in his eyes as he nodded. “Yes… let’s.”

With Darling by his side, the haunting shadows of the past seemed a little less daunting. As they returned to the bedroom, Andrew knew that whatever came next, he wouldn’t have to face it alone

[asmutwriter]

You Saved Me (Part 18)

DESCRIPTION: (Season 14) Its been weeks since Michael came to visit you. And with no news from Sam you surely weren't expecting to see Dean when you turned up back at home.

A/N This chapter is strongly influenced by Deans dream S14E10. I like to think this happened and he enjoyed the idea so much that him/Michael made that dream happen.

WORD COUNT: 4793

From Beginning / Previous / Next / Master List  

WARNINGS: swearing, drinking, bar owner, talk of death, talk of Dean!Michael, light angst in the middle, mainly fluff, pet name (handsome)

DISCLAIMERS

- This is fiction. Please always talk to your partner before doing anything and make sure they are ok with what you are doing beforehand

It had been a few weeks since your encounter with Michael. Since you rang Sam. And everyday you checked your phone. Waiting for that phone call or text message. Letting you know that Dean was ok. That his brother had found him.

Today was different. Your phone had died overnight and your charger didn't work in the car. No one had a spare wire to charge up your phone. With the little battery you had in the morning you texted Anna. Telling her that if she needed anything to ring her work and not her mobile. Turning your phone off so that if you did need it for an emergency then you would at least have some battery left.

This is how you missed that phone call from Sam. The text message later that day from Anna. Driving back home you listen to the radio. Pulling up to your home you see your eldest daughters familiar small blue car in the drive. Pulling up next to it as your eyes get drawn to the other familiar car. A 1967 Chevy impala sat comfortably next to your daughters car. 

You go into the glove compartment. Taking out a pair of knuckle dusters and carefully placing them onto your fingers. You'd done some research. Finding out as much as you could about angels. Managing to find a mislaid angel blade. Melting it down and turning it into a knuckle of your weapon. Getting out of the car and locking it. Your adorned hand now resting inside your hoodie pocket. Going and opening the front door. Heading upstairs to your small home you share with your family.

"Anna? Lydia?" you call out. Expecting the worst. 

"Kitchen!" you hear one of the girls call out. You wonder down the corridor. Seeing Lydia sat on the counter top. Anna and Dean making some sort of hazardous looking mixture in a bowl. 

"Everything ok in here?" you ask. Scanning over the situation as best and subtly as you could.

"Dean has never baked before. I was cooking so I decided to teach him" Anna says. The green eyed man looks at you. An apologetic smile on his face.

"I hope you don't mind me dropping in. I did try and ring but the call didn't go through" you shake your head. 

"My phone has been off". He motions at your eldest daughter.

"Anna said that your phone had probably died". You nod slowly. "Are you ok?". His eyes grow concerned as he looks at your nervous demeanour. 

"Yes. Yes. Sorry. Been a stressful day at work". You half smile. Looking at him. Those familiar light eyes comforting you. Whatever concern you had quickly fades as you deem that he is human. Pushing the knuckles off of your fingers as you smile fuller. "What monstrosity have you started making then?" You look at the concoction of a mess they have made in the glass baking bowl.

"They're meant to be Halloween themed cupcakes. But we didn't have any red food dye so we improvised". You look at the brown sludge in the bowl. "I never said that our improvise worked"

"Hey" Dean says. Looking at her. An unsure smile on his face as she tilts her eyes up to his. "I think it still has potential to be great". She laughs. 

"What did you improvise with?" Your voice a higher pitch as you question the cooking skills of them.

"Well" Anna clasps her hands together as she looks at the mixture. "we had some pink food dye and we figured that to make red into pink you add white. So making pink into red you add black". You nod. A soft chuckle escaping your lips. "And now we have this mess". You go over to the drawer. Taking out some baking trays and cupcake cases.

"Put some of the mixture into these. Fill them up about two thirds of the way up". You say. Grabbing out four big spoons. Handing one to each of the people. Even though Lydia refuses to get involved she still takes the spoon from you. Shutting the drawer with your hip before you start splitting the mixture between the different cases.

Putting them into the oven. You go into a cupboard. Taking out a bar of white chocolate. Then grabbing out a saucepan and glass bowl. Filling the pan with water and placing it onto the stove. The glass bowl in the middle as you turn the gas on. Breaking up the white chocolate into the bowl. Taking a wooden spoon as you start to stir.

"Do we have any left over pink?". Anna nods. Going to the work station she was at. Wiggling her fingers as she tries to locate the item. Giving a small 'aha' when she finds it. Coming back over with the item. You add a few drops. Making the melted chocolate go a shade of pink. "There is a bar of milk chocolate in the cupboard" you point with the non stirring hand. Dean goes over. Opening it. He takes a minute to take in all the various sweets and snacks in the cupboard. Quickly shaking himself out of it as he grabs the bar. Handing  it to you. "Now-" you speak as you open the packet. Taking out a couple of squares. "It wont be the main cake but we can drizzle it on top. Try and make it look like blood splatter or something. The brown should mix with the pink and give us a nice red colour"

"I told you that adding black would be too dark!" Lydia says. Teasingly pushing her sisters shoulder.

"But you one; didn't stop me. And two; didn't tell me what to add instead of black"

"Your older. You should've known this". Giving a soft smile as you diffuse the situation.

"Ok girls. Come on. No arguing in front of our guest". They glare at each other. Giving a soft huff in response to your words. You try not to laugh. Smiling at their behaviour as you look at the green eyed man. "I apoligise for my children's behaviour". He shakes his head. Meeting your smile with his own.

"Nothing to be sorry for. Me and my brother are the exact same". You place you hand on your chest. Looking at him.

"And I have the joy of being an only child" you smile at him. Blinking softly as he laughs. Bringing your hand to rest onto your hip. "I assume the girls have invited you to stay round for food tonight?". He nods. Licking his tongue over his lips as he smiles.

"Shoot I forgot to tell you" Anna says. You draw your attention to her. A small tint of a smile on your lips as you look at her. "Mum?"

"Yes?"

"Can Dean stay for dinner tonight?"

"Of course" you smile fuller. Looking back at Dean. 

"What film do you want to watch?" your eldest daughter looks at him. He lets out a puff of air. Tilting his head to the side as he looks at her.

"What films have you got?" She takes his wrist. Dragging him to the living room. He lets out a whistle as he sees the head to toe stacked DVDs. You follow after turning the heat for the chocolate mixture down. Lydia jumping down from the counter top as she also pursues. Anna motions at the stacks of movies.

"Any of these. We do have some horror which would be fitting given the spooky season" He nods slowly. Eyes scanning over the various movies. He looks at a couple of classics. 'Sixth Sense', 'The Others', 'Conjuring', and a few more.

"I've heard good things about this film" he gently taps the spine of a DVD. You tilt your head. Giving a soft chuckle at the diversity from the films he was previously looking at. 'The Greatest Showman'. Anna nods. 

"Its a very good movie. Great cast of characters. Wonderful choreography and singing". He nods. Giving a soft chuckle as he picks out one of the films.

"This film as a classic!" He holds it up. A prominent joy in his voice. 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'. Anna and Lydia both shake their heads. "You don't like it?" he almost sounds hurt at the words. 

"Never seen it" they admit. You bite your bottom lip as Dean looks flabbergasted. His mouth slightly agape as he looks at them. Turning to face you. 

"Tell me you've seen it". His voice filled with horror and shock. You shake your head slightly. "No? Really?"

"Its just never been one Iv'e had time to watch. I always meant to"

"Everyone go and sit your butts down. Now. W are watching this damn movie. Anna" he holds the disc case towards her "Can you put it in please?" she gives a small laugh. Taking the case from him and going over to the DVD player. 

"Let me start cooking dinner ok? Give me five minutes and Ill be in". You go to the kitchen. Taking out the forgotten cakes. Lightly drizzling the melted chocolate over the top. Putting a couple of oven pizzas in as well as some chips. Going back into the living room. The girls sit on one sofa. Dean sat on the other. You go and sit next to the Winchester. Bringing your legs up onto the sofa as you sit them under you.

“Ok. Everyone is here. Start the movie” he says. A soft chuckle escaping your lips. Resting your elbow on the back of the sofa. Placing your chin into the palm of your hand as you put your undivided attention to the movie. Anna pausing it when you go and grab out the food from the oven. But for the most part it’s completely uninterrupted. Mainly because every time you try and speak over the movie Dean shushes you. Arguably that causes you to want to complain more but you refrain from doing as such.

Soon it has your full attention. The final scene comes and goes. End credits start to scroll over the screen. Anna pauses the movie. Dean smiles at the three of you. “Well?”

“It’s good” Anna says. You and Lydia nod in agreement. Giving it heavy compliments.

“You said it was based on truth right?” You querie. He nods. "Goodness". His face unable to help the smile over it as you all praise the movie. Your eyes glance to the clock on the wall. “Where did the time go?” Lydia looks at the clock on the wall.

“It’s ok mum. It’s Friday today so it doesn’t matter if we go to bed later then usual”

“Of course!” you shake your head. A soft laugh coming from your lips. “Sorry. It feels like a Sunday today”. 

She nods and smiles at you. “Having said that. I’m knackered” she stands up. Stretching her arms above her head. “Are you staying the night Dean?” He looks at her. Eyes glancing towards you briefly.

“I’m not sure yet”

“You’re welcome too. I’ve got a spare room that you can stay in. Be the first guest in there in fact” he chuckles softly. 

“So long as your sure?” He looks at you. You nod. Smiling at him.

“Of course”

“Yes then” he looks back at the youngest daughter. She nods and smiles. 

“I won’t say goodbye properly then as I’ll see you in the morning” she comes over to you. Hugging you. “See you tomorrow” you kiss the side of her head.

“Goodnight” she stands up tall. Heading up the stairs. Anna also wishes you both a goodnight. You know full well that neither of them are going to sleep and will likely be up internet scrolling until 3am. But you let it slide. It is Friday after all.

That leaves you and Dean in the living room. You look at him. Meeting his green eyes. “How have you been?” He gives a soft scoff. 

“I’m great. Never been better” undertones of sarcasm lace his voice. Your brow twitches slightly.

“Dean” he looks at you. A comforting smile over his lips. “I know when you’re lying”

“I’m fine. Honestly. It’s just…” he pauses. Drawing his tongue over his bottom lip as he turns his head downwards. No longer looking at you. “I’ve had a pretty hectic life the past few weeks”

“Because of Michael?” You whisper the name. He jolts slightly at the mention. Looking back at you. Querying how you know. “I spoke to Sam. He told me what happened”. Nodding in response. 

“Anna said something to me earlier”. You glance to him. Giving a soft ‘hmm’ in response. “She told me that I’d been round only a couple of weeks ago”. You bring you bottom lip between your teeth. Looking away from him. "Fuck" he mutters. His eyes retreating as he shakes his head slightly. "I didn't- he didn't hurt you, right? Or the girls?". You think for a moment. Too long, you realise. "Shit are you ok?" He goes closer to you. His hands going to your arms as he almost holds you in place. Looking at him as his eyes fill with fear and concern. His body turned towards you on the sofa.

"No. Yes. Sorry. Yes we are ok. Me and the girls are fine. We're all fine". He watches you. His eyes staring into yours. You softly smile at him. Bringing your hands up as you cup his face between them. The light stubble scratching your palms. "We are fine Dean". He stays like this for a minute longer before dropping your arms. Wrapping them around you as he hugs you. You hesitate for a second. Bringing your hands up. Resting them onto his back. Scrunching the fabric as you pull him close to you. One hand remains on your lower spine. The other travelling upwards and resting into your hair. 

"I am so sorry Kat". You shake your head. Hiding your face into his chest. He kisses the bunch of hair on top of your head. The affection drawing you into him more.

“It doesn’t matter now though. You’re no longer him. We’re safe”. You feel him hesitate. Though you cant see his features you feel his body tense.

“He’s not dead. He’s still in our world. He’s just no longer possessing me”

“He’s- he’s still alive?” He nods. Taking in a breath through his nose. Moving so he can see your face. Still holding your arms as he watches you.

“What did he want?” You shake your head slightly. “Kat. Tell me. I need to know everything he said to you”

“He said he was building an army and he wanted me to join him”. He frowns slightly. Cocking his head as he looks at you.

“Why would he want you?”

“Thanks Dean” you speak in a slightly hurt tone but the notion of trying to lighten the atmosphere. He shakes his head. Dropping your arms as he turns away from you. Resting his forearms onto his knees. His head tilting towards you but his eyes remain down.

“It doesn’t make sense. You are human. You’re not even a hunter. Not an active one anyway”. You remain silent. Tilting your head as you look down.

“He… he told me things. Things about myself that I didn't realise. I’m-“ you shake your head slightly. Looking upwards as you speak. “I’m not human. Not technically”. He pauses a moment.

“What does that mean?”

“He thinks that when my mum did a deal with a demon they plucked a soul from hell and planted it into my body when she conceived”. You scratch the back of your head. “Although my flesh is unique I am just a reused soul. That’s why I can’t die from natural reasons. My soul is already dead”

“That’s why you can’t die?” You nod

“It explains why I have been medically declared dead on several occasions but come back only a few minutes later”

“He wanted an immortal on his side”. He whispers. You take in a breath. Nodding in agreement. You fiddle with the sleeve of your hoodie. He notices your behaviour shift to a more defensive one. "You said that you spoke to Sam?"

"Yeah. A short but brief conversation but yes"

“Did he tell you he’s invited a bunch of strangers to live in our home?” You shake your head. Furrowing your brow as you look at him. His mouth tinges a smile. A small laugh coming out as he looks back down. “Yeah well… they’re nice enough. But I don’t know them. And they’re all just… there”

“Is that why you came here?”

“I just needed a bit of normality” he speaks. Can’t tell if it was towards you or himself. You take in a breath.

“Come on” you say. Hitting your hand onto his knee as you stand up. Holding a hand out. He gives you a confused look. “You want normality. Come and help me clean the kitchen” he chuckles softly.

“I said normality. Not chores” you take his hand. Pulling him up.

“Stop complaining” you keep a hold of his hand. Taking it with both hands as you walk to the kitchen. Letting him go as you open the dishwasher. “You do the mugs” you point to a cupboard “they live there. I’ll do the more complicated bits”

“Did you give me the mugs because this load-“ he motions at the machine “is only filled with mugs?”. You smile at him. Wiggling your eyebrows.

“Maybe” he chuckles. Shaking his head as he picks up some of the cups. Starting to place them into the cabinet. You grab the thing of cutlery. Taking it over to the drawer and filling it up.

Once you’ve both unloaded you start filling it up again. He grabs the plates from the living room. Bringing them out and place by then in. You thank him. Smiling softly at him as you continue to fill it up. “I’m hoping to open up the bar downstairs in the next couple of months. Just waiting for the license to sell liquor. Once I have it then I’m open for business”. He looks at you. A smile coming over his lips. He leans against the cabinet side. Folding his arms over himself.

“That is brilliant news”. Feeling his eyes on you.

"I'm very excited for it" you grin. "I've never owned anything really. I've only ever rented homes. Worked under a boss. But now-" you spread your hands out. Smiling at him as you hold two dirty mugs. One in each hand. "all this is mine." You raise the glasses. "these are mine. Thar weird smell downstairs. That's mine" you place the mugs in the machine. Shutting it as you point to the lampshade dangling in the middle of the room. "That ugly ass light that's rusted to the ceiling". You point at your chest. "Mine". He laughs. Scratching his jaw as he nods. Looking downwards.

"I felt the same when I moved into my place. Never had anywhere to call home. But now- Well I now look at the tacky books and think 'this is my home'". You smile. Going and rinsing your hands before going to the fridge. Taking out two beers. Handing one to him.

"Its thrilling isn't it?" you place a hand on the counter top side. Pushing yourself up so you sit on it. In the curve of the kitchen so you can still see Dean. Him being just the other side of the dishwasher from you. "Being able to own stuff. Actually having something to call your own". You undo the bottle lid. Tossing the metal cap into the sink. Placing the cold beverage to your lips as you take a mouthful.

"You know I've never had my own bedroom. Not before becoming an adult anyway" Removing the lid off his drink.

"Really?" he shakes his head. Taking a sip of his beer.

"We used to rent out motels when I was younger. Never had an actual home. Not until we found the bunker". You go to speak your sympathy but he shakes his head. Bringing a hand up in an effort to quiet you. "It was a long time ago. I don't need pity for it". You nod. Taking a mouthful of your drink. Bringing the bottle back down.

"Do you want to see what I've done with the place? The bar that is"

"Yes". He replies with zero hesitation. Excitement in his voice. Causing you to let out a soft laugh as you jump down from the counter.

"Follow". You speak. Heading to the front door. You grab the keys from the key rack. Opening the front door you motion for him to leave first. He thanks you. Walking down the stairs. Shutting the house door behind you as you follow. Getting to the doors of your bar. Taking your keys and unlocking it. Pushing the door open. Going in first as you hold the door open for him. He goes inside. Looking around. You reach round the corner. Turning the lights on. He lets out a whistle.

"Holy hell" he says. His face beaming as he looks around. You take the keys out the door. Shutting it as you chuck them into your pocket. Folding your arms over yourself. A smile coming over your face. "This must've taken you ages to do". You nod. Running your tongue over your lips.

"Its taken a few months. Thankfully I'm a handy woman so did most of the technical parts myself. Or I have friends in high places who did it for cheap" you smile. Taking a sip of your drink. He walks over to the bar. Resting his bottle on top of it. Running his hands along the top. "You can go behind the counter if you'd like". He looks at you. You can see a smile threatening his lips. "I know you want to". He grins. Giving a soft laugh as he walks over to the bar flap. Lifting it up as he goes in. You lean against a table. Watching as he smiles like a kid in a sweet shop. An obvious joy in his walk.

"This is awesome" he says. A smile in his voice as he looks at all the things. Turning to admire the different alcohol choices. Seeing an archway. He goes over. Looking inside. "Kitchen?" he questions. You nod. Folding your arms over yourself. Taking anther sip of your beer. Resting the bottle into the crook of your arm as you watch him. "This is really cool Kathrine. Makes me want my own place" you chuckle softly.

"Whats stopping you?" He gives a soft pfft. Shaking his head as he looks downwards.

"I can't. Not really" You watch him. Giving a small nod.

"Shame" He looks back up at you. You smile at him. "I'd have liked the competition". He chuckles softly. Shaking his head as he picks up his drink again. Swigging it. You stand up. No longer leaning against the table. "We should go back upstairs". You go over to the bar flap. Lifting it up. "Come on handsome". He half smiles at the pet name. Chuckling softly. Going upstairs. You turn off the light and lock the bar door behind you. Going upstairs as you then lock your house door.

"I'll show you the guest room". You walk down the hallway a little bit. Opening a door. Turning on the light. A neatly made bed one side of the room. Boxes and other knick knacks the other. "I apoligise about the clutter". He shakes his head.

"Its still cleaner then most places I've stayed at". You smile at him. Going into the room. Kicking his shoes off and placing them in an untidy pile by the bed. You lean against the door frame.

"I'm just across the hall. If you need anything just holler". He nods. Turning to face you. "Goodnight Dean"

"Night Kat". You lean forward. Taking the door handle as you pull it shut.

You wake to the sound of gentle laughter coming from the kitchen. A soft grumble coming from your lips as you stretch awake. Plodding out into the kitchen. Dean and Anna sitting at the dining table. Cereal bowls in front of them both as they chat and laugh away. They both look at you. Anna smiles.

"Morning mum". Dean glances at your donut pyjama bottoms and cat wearing sunglasses tshirt.

"Nice peejays". You shake your head. Bringing a hand up to your lips.

"shh. Too early to process comeback". He gives a chuckle. Smiling as he watches you go over to the coffee machine.

"sleep well?" your daughter asks. You give a small nod. Pouring yourself a cup full of the liquid before plodding over to the table. Pulling out the chair next to Dean as you sit down.

"Why are you both up so early?"

"Because its a beautiful autumn day". You shake your head.

"But its Saturday" your voice filled with disbelief at your daughters statement.

"That doesnt make it any less of a beautiful day" She smiles at you. You shake your head again. A small smile forming on your lips.

“Mad. The both of you" You sip your coffee. "What are the plans for today then?" You place the mug softly onto the dining table.

"Well" Anna speaks. A smile in her voice "I’ve been asked out on a date". You raise your eyebrows.

"Is this the lucky fella you’ve told me about?" she nods. Dean raises a hand slightly.

"Woah. Hang on a minute. You’re going on a date?". She nods. Smiling at him. "Who?"

"His name is Henry. He does sociology and history. He’s equally smart and handsome". She emphasises the word ‘and’. Exaggerating it with her hands as she pushes them into the table. A soft laugh of air coming out of his lips as he looks down. Gently hitting the table with his knuckles.

"He sounds wonderful". She nods and smiles.

"What time is your date?" You questions.

"Hes picking me up at 3. We're going to watch a movie and then he’s taking me out for dinner" You go to speak but she cuts you off. "Don’t worry. I’ve told him I need to be back by 11". You smile. Nodding in approvement.

"Good". You tilt your head slightly. "Thats why you’re up so early isn’t it?" She gives a sheepish chuckle "Couldn’t sleep from the excitment of today?". She nods. Drawing her bottom lip between her teeth as she tilts her head slightly. She looks at you.

"You’re good. You should’ve been a detective and not a pub owner". You laugh. Sipping your drink. Placing the mug down. Hearing a soft ping from Deans phone. He smiles apologetically at you both before taking his electronic out. You turn to face him as he lets out a deep sigh.

"Everything ok?". He glances up at you

"Yes. Sam is just checking in to make sure I’m ok". He pushes his phone back into his pocket. Lightly tapping the table rhythmically with his fingers. "I should be heading back to him. Don’t want him to get worried about me". You nod.

"Are you sure you don’t want to stay for longer?". He shakes his head.

"I shouldn’t be out for too long. He'll only worry otherewise". He smiles at you. Standing up. You stand with him. Anna remains sitting as she smiles widely at him.

"Its been good seeing you” she speaks to him. “You better come back soon. You promised me that you’d show me more of those old western movies" he chuckles and nods. His phone pinging again. You try not to smile. Drawing your lips between your teeth.

"Its been lovely seeing you" he speaks. Coming and hugging you. You grip his shirt tightly as you embrace him. Feeling him kiss the top of your head. You hold him tighter. Pulling him close to you. His phone pings one more time. You both give a laugh. Moving away from each other. "I'll see myself out". He speaks softly. Turning tail. You fold your arms over your torso as you watch him walk down the stretch of hallway and out the front door. The gentle thud of the door closing behind him. You watch sadly at the now empty doorway.

Giving a small sigh as you turn back around. Eyes glancing to his empty bowl on the table. You feel a small sadness fill you. Anna seems to pick up on this as she speaks. "He'll come back to see us mum. He always does". You blink a couple of times. Glancing up at her. Nodding as you force a smile over your features.

Previous / Next

TAGS

@sojuxxi

[genevievemd]

James Dean Daydream

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Genevieve McClure) Word Count: 1384 Rating: G Category: Fluff, Ethan POV Trope(s): and one of them dabbles in music

Summary: The day Ethan Ramsey realizes he’s in love with a swiftie. 

Warnings: none

A/N: This is really just pointless fluff that I’ve wanted to do this idea for a while lol And I also just love showing these cute little everyday moments between them. Enjoy the fluff, peanuts!  And yes, I did in fact make the cover for this look similar to the 1989 album cover. I am who I am lmao 

November 13, 2020

No matter how many years Ethan Ramsey has spent in medicine, working diligently in one of the country’s most prestigious hospitals, it never ceased to amaze him hw absolutely idiotic the world became on Friday the 13th.  He didn’t even subscribe to the superstition, and yet, without fail, the date would come around and the emergency room descended into madness. 

It was as if anyone with only half a brain cell watched it die and they gave into any and every intrusive thought.

And unfortunately for him, this was the second occurrence this year. Ethan didn’t even think anything could top the chaos of March 13th. The hospital had been running on empty, patients and residents, even doctors, were beginning to transfer to different hospitals. It was pure madness. He had foolishly believed that would be the worst he’d seen or would ever see. 

Until today.

There had been no less than five major traffic accidents, the computer system was down and every staff member was locked out for close to two hours, Leland kept interrupting the diagnostics team whenever they finally had a moment to convene, and to top it all off, Ethan’s favorite resident had the day off. 

Although it was a much needed one and it was at his behest. Genevieve had worked almost 72 hours nonstop with only a few hours of rest here and there. So he’d sent her home that morning, completely forgetting the date. 

She’d texted him sporadically, offering to come back in, but Ethan refused. Gen needed to sleep and they could manage without her. So instead, he told her to utilize the quiet of his apartment and spend the day watching her favorite shows and catching up on sleep. 

He’d almost forgotten the offer, until he arrived home that evening and pushed the button for his floor on the elevator. 

A small part of him now regretted it. He was exhausted and all he wanted was a hot shower, dinner, and crawl into bed. Gen would most likely be her normal energetic self and eager to hear about all the “tea of the day”, as she would say. But, another part of him loved knowing he was coming home to her. 

His bubbly and sweet rookie. The sunshine to his midnight rain. 

A smile spreads across his tired face when he gets to his front door. Whatever song she was playing was loud enough to be heard quite clearly through the door. 

If he had to guess, it was probably Taylor Swift. 

He opens the door slowly, greeted with the sight of Genevieve in his Hopkins sweatshirt and a pair of leggings, hair in a messy ponytail as she dances and sings along to what is absolutely a Taylor Swift song. Using a metal whisk as her makeshift microphone. 

Unwilling to disrupt the show, he gently places his briefcase one the floor and closes the door. Leaning against it with his arms crossed. 

As the song progresses into the second verse, and she twirls back to the stove, he realizes she’s cooking. Ensuring that he came home to a homecooked meal after a long day. That knowledge melts his heart and almost forces him from his spot. But, he also doesn’t want to interrupt and miss the mini concert he’s getting. 

He loves her like this, so free and happy. Enjoying the simple things in life to their fullest extent. 

“He says ‘what you heard is true but I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout you and I’ I said ‘I’ve been there too a few times’” She sings the lyric with an excessive amount of dramatics and flare. Jumping right back into what she calls dancing as the chorus begins again. 

At this point in their relationship, and friendship, Ethan is certain he’s heard every song ever made by Gen’s favorite artist. And while it may not be his cup of tea, he’ll never tire of seeing how excited and happy Gen gets when a song comes on. 

Like when she accompanied him to the grocery store earlier that week. A song had come on when they were perusing the vegetables and she squeaked with excitement. Humming along and mouthing the words to him. It was one of the cutest things she’s ever done and a moment he burned into is memory. 

Just like he’s doing with the one happening now. 

Unable to resist any longer, Ethan joins her. Taking her hips in his hands and spinning her around to face him. As predicted, she screams in shock then breaks into a brilliant and beautiful smile. Dropping the whisk and wrapping her arms around his neck. 

“Hi!” Gen beams, not at all embarrassed to be caught. Reaching to turn the volume of the music down. “Did you just get home?” 

“I did.” He smiles back at her, leaning down to kiss her sweetly. 

“I made dinner, I figured you could use a nice meal after the day you had.” 

“Thank you, that was very sweet of you.” 

“Always, babe.” She kisses him again, a little longer than before but no less sweet. Like she’s pouring her whole heart into the simple gesture. 

After another second, Gen pulls away. Moving back to the stove to turn off the burner. 

Deciding he’s not ready to fully let her go, Ethan follows. Pulling her back to his chest and kissing her cheek. 

“You know, you’re ruining my Spotify every time you use my Alexa.” 

“Ruining it, or adding some flavor to an otherwise boring list of top plays?” Gen laughs, the sound so pretty he can’t help but smile more. 

“I stand by what I said, Rookie.” He lets her go, stepping to the side to take off his coat and tie. Though he keeps his eyes on her, noting how she continues to subtly dance along to the new song coming through the speakers. 

“It’s your fault for picking me to be your girlfriend. You should have known; once a swiftie always a swiftie.” She laughs again, continuing to finish plating their dinner. 

“Swiftie?”

“It’s what you call a Taylor Swift fan.” Gen steps over to him, patting his cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you all the lingo. Especially if we plan on staying together forever. You’ll need to know.” 

“Right.” He nods, grabbing their plates and walking over to the dining table. “So the mentor would become the mentee?” 

“Absolutely.” She follows close behind with two glasses and a bottle of wine. “Do you want to shower first?” 

“I thought maybe we’d eat and then you’d join me in the shower.” He smirks at the blush that quickly rises to her cheeks, the way she bites her lip and look away for the briefest of seconds. 

“That actually sounds nice. I missed you today.” 

He takes the glasses and bottle from her hands, putting them down onto the table beside their meal. Taking her back into his arms a second later. 

“I missed you, too, G.” 

Whatever regret and dread he had before was now melted away. Along with almost every ounce of stress that had been heavy on his shoulders before walking in the door. And it was all because of her. 

Her dancing and singing, the happiness of being reunited with her after a long day. 

Ethan had purposely ignored her comment a few minutes prior, about being together for the rest of their lives. Not because he didn’t want that, but because it was still to early to be discussing those things. She still needed to finish her residency and decided on her future in medicine. 

But he hoped that they’d be together through it all, because the love he feels for her – regardless of the fact that they’ve yet to voice it – was unlike anything he’s felt before. It’s healing and fulfilling. Bringing with it the type of happiness that only exists in daydreams and fairytales. 

He didn’t care about their differences, he wanted to embrace them. Learn to love what she loves, like she’s doing with him. 

He wanted a future where he continues to come home to find her singing and dancing with a metal whisk in his kitchen to a Taylor Swift song. Knowing that it would continue to dissolve the stress and pressure of the outside world.

A/N: Little does he know, his future self intentionally added Taylor Swift songs to his Spotify playlist so he could listen to them when he goes back to the amazon lol 

thanks for reading, peanuts. 

[princeblack]

“i doubt anyone else noticed you were gone on the full moon both times,” he says, trying to reassure her. “i noticed because i always notice when you’re not there.” how could he not? he craves her presence like a plant in the shade would crave sunlight.

he listens to her explain her experience, seeming shaken up as her blue eyes fill with tears. it makes him frown, hating to see her suffer. his chest aches because he’s not sure he’ll ever understand the feeling of losing control of your entire body; being trapped inside of a vessel that’s not really yours.

his heart breaks when she cries over eating bunnies, pulling her close against him because he can’t stand not holding her any longer. he’s spent years pining for her and he was sure he would probably pine for the rest of his life, but he loves her too much to let her go through this alone, regardless of what she feels for him. he’s ready to tempt the desire within him if it means cradling her close and giving her some kind of love and support during the worst time of her life. “you didn’t have control when it happened,” he shakes his head. “it wasn’t you because it wasn’t your choice; it’s part of the curse.” he can’t think of anyone who deserves to be cursed less than bee and it forms a lump in his throat that she’s so sweet but has to deal with this kind of torture.

his arms remain around her as he shifts back, allowing her to wipe at her cute nose as she cries. he likes the way she looks at him when he wipes the dirt from her cheek, feeling warmth in his stomach even though touching her shouldn’t be the focus right now. because of his comment about the flowers he’s rewarded with the sound of her giggle, making the lump in his throat start to pass. she says she doesn’t know why the wolf picked this spot, her voice still tinged with sadness.

“because,” he starts, touching her temple gently with two of his fingertips. “somewhere in that pretty head you were trapped in there to suffer, because of the curse.” his green eyes flicker across her features, lingering at her lips for a moment because they’re so close. “and you needed comfort.” he hates that she has to feel the guilt of what the curse did, bearing emotional turmoil on top of the fear of waking up somewhere she didn’t expect and wasn’t safe or comfortable in. “i hope i can be your comfort,” he adds softly, slipping his fingers into her hair to comb through it gently.

she sighs into his chest and he hugs her tighter, arms around her waist as he pulls her tightly against him. his heart is racing because of her nearness and how soft she feels, her body naked aside from the robe between them. he nuzzles into her neck, comforted by her familiar smell and the way it’s mixed with the scent of flowers and soil, not far from how she smells when she’s just been in the greenhouse.

she starts crying as he tells her she isn’t alone, admitting how scared she is in a whimper. his palms rub her back soothingly, one hand moving up to her neck to cradle her against him. “let it out,” he murmurs against her skin, holding her close. “you’re never going to lose me… i’m yours forever.” he wonders if she has any idea how long he’s wanted her, thinking about her even when he had a girlfriend. he tried to ignore how in love he was because she was with dean and he was a death eater, but now all of that has fallen apart and all that’s left is how much he loves her. she nuzzles into him and it makes him melt, hugging her tightly as he strokes her back.

her voice rumbles through him because they’re intertwined, making his heart flutter because it feels so good to have her close like this, completely flush with him because the hug is so tight. her words make his chest ache, hating the world for being so cruel and causing bee to be paralyzed in fear of what could happen when people find out about her curse. she should be given support instead, not ostracized and shamed for something she can’t control. more than that he feels protective of her, like he could fight the entire world just to make sure she never has to feel anyone’s judgment or cruelty. he would actually kill for her and he knows it’s true. her words make him want to kiss her— he wants to touch and kiss every inch of her body and let her know just how perfect she is, and not to be feared or judged. “i’ll spend every day for the rest of my life working on repealing those anti-werewolf laws, if that’s what it takes. i’ll kill dolores umbridge myself if i have to.” his voice is darker than it should be, when he’s supposed to be comforting her. “i won’t let them hurt you, bumblebee.” he rests his cheek against her neck, pushing his fingers through her hair gently. “and you’re so strong… i believe you’ll always be strong. but i’m here to hold you, if you need to rest.”

he’s happy that his clothes will help, but even happier that she wants to be held longer, even nuzzling into his neck and making him sigh with contentment. he has butterflies in his stomach from the way she’s touching him, his hands trailing down her back and his arms squeezing her lovingly. her fingers feel good tracing his back and her words make him warm, hardly able to believe that she takes so much comfort in him noticing her. “i’ll always hold you… whenever you ask.” his voice is soft near her ear. he pulls back just a little, moving to cup her face as he looks into her pretty blue eyes. “i noticed you every single day, after we first met.” noticing she has dirt smudged on her lip, he moves to lick his thumb again, then swiping it across the spot. the pad of his thumb drags against her lower lip, his eyes heavy as he gazes at her pretty mouth.

he knew her too well and she can't be mad at him for it. if regulus had told her he knew her secret she would've begged him to stay away and it's not because she doesn't want him there when she does it's that she's scared of what she could do, of the monster inside of her and the danger he would be in if he got too close. what if she couldn't control it?!what if regulus showed up one moment too early? she hates the thought, dropping her gaze as she frowns

despite her fears it did feel good having him here, the way he helps her sit up and tries to tend to her, she's hyper aware of the fact she's naked and this isn't exactly what she imagined for the first time he'd see her without clothes on, she's dishloved and she feels gross, wondering what the werewolf must've eaten last night to make her stomach hurt. all she has is his slytherin robe, clinging it barely to her body as she gets her strength back and enjoying how it smells just like him, his clothes were so much nicer than most even his robes were newer and they felt good against her.

he pulls a leaf out of her hair and explains to her how he figured it out. making her look at him again as blue eyes soften. not even cedric noticed mostly because she told him she was just busy with school projects and he was so sidetracked with quidditch and headboy drama that he didn't thinkt too deeply but regulus did even if he was doing all the same things as her brother, he somehow made time to worry about bee when he didn't have to. "yeah I guess I wasn't as stealthy as I thought." she says sadly. "to tell you the truth it doesn't even feel like me...the wolf I mean. she doesn't feel like she's who I am and it scares me because I have no control over it...so I didn't want to get you involved in all of this mess." she sniffs, shaking her head a little. "I've eaten bunnies! w-who am I." she wants to sob again, rubbing her nose to keep it from running.

it's so strange, how she has gone from loving regulus from afar to becoming his friend to him becoming her person in ways that not even her brother could be. he came out here for her and even brought her robes and was now being so gentle with her despite not only knowing that she was a werewolf but that she hid something from him. she feels a lot of guilt and shame yet regulus knows how to ease her. he tells her that he doesn't think she's a freak, teary eyes looking back at him as he wipes away the dirt from her cheek. she tries to ignore the fact he licked his finger to do so though, biting down on her lower lip trying to fight a smirk when he points out the location. "I used to pick flowers here, it's the best place for it." she giggles. "I don't know why the wolf picked it though..." she's not her, she's not bee...she's something else.

bee was used to feeling alone, even surrounded by people she always felt out of place who knew it could've gotten so much worse. the wizarding world did not accept werewolves to the point there were multiple laws preventing them from being allowed to live normal and safe lives, most grew to live in poverty. amos wanted to keep the secret of this, including keeping it from bee herself until he was sure she inherited it and now it was just matter of time until all her dreams were gone, people would find out and no one would let her work with magic creatures when shes one herself...she'd be lucky to stay at hogwarts if this comes out.

regulus continues however, moving to sit next to her and hugging her so close her cheek is pressed into his chest. she leans there for a second, sighing softly. he smells even better than his robes, his cologne and the smell of old books. she can hear his heart beating too, it's so loud yet a bit off like he's almost nervously or something but maybe that wasn't right because regulus didn't get shy or nervous, it's what she longed for. it's his words that follow that make her heart race, 'you're not alone' she feels the tears falling down her cheeks now as she breaks out into a soft cry. "I was so scared...." she whimpers. "of losing you when I finally had you and yet, somehow you're the one to be here for me to catch me." she mumbles, fingers curling into his jacket as he pulls her into an embrace, he's so warm that she really needs it, kind of nuzzling into him more. she didn't feel very strong especially not after finding out what she is. "I don't know how much longer I can be strong though" she says softly. "when everyone finds out what I am my life is over regulus." she mumbles. "everyone is so cruel and judgemental..."

regulus mentions he brought more of his clothes for her which makes her smile a bit, the robe was a nice touch but it wouldn't keep her warm for long. '"yeah, I really need it actually...the downside to this is I actually miss my fur coat on cold mornings like this." she mumbles. but she's not ready to move away just yet, nuzzling against his neck as she holds him close, she needs his warmth and his smell, she wants to keep listening to his heart beat to remind her he's really here. "but can you keep holding me for a minute?" she asks, letting her fingers trace against his back. "thank you for noticing me..it's all I've ever wanted..."

[gentlemancowboy]

For @emeraldcas’s Creator Celebration for the prompt “I can fix this,” and @floral-cas’s Spring Floralnatural Celebration for the prompt “garden.”

Read on ao3

It starts with a few small pots on the windowsill in the kitchen. Some limp looking parsley, a ficus with only one leaf, a calathea with an infestation of mealybugs. A sad little assortment of dilapidated plants that anyone else would take one look at and consider a lost cause.

But not Cas.

Dean tries to stop him the first few times it happens. They’re out at the grocery store, or paying a visit to Sam and Eileen, or driving past a yard sale, and Cas inevitably notices a discarded or neglected plant and makes it his mission to rescue it.

“You know,” Dean says after Cas comes home one day with an extremely large cactus with suspicious black fuzz on its side. “If you want plants, we can just go to the nursery and get some new ones.”

“No. It’s okay, Dean. I can fix this,” he says, and Dean doesn’t have it in his heart to tell him otherwise.

So he lets it be.

Soon, the windowsill isn’t big enough to house the hodgepodge of foliage that has found refuge under Cas’s care. They spill onto the floor of the kitchen. They sit along the fireplace mantle and on the little table in the entryway and on the bookshelves in the library. When Dean finds a couple of wilted pothos in the shower one morning, he figures enough is enough, and spends the next few weeks digging out a patch of earth in the backyard for a greenhouse. Dean may not fully understand Cas’s green thumb, but if Cas wants a garden, Dean is at least going to give him a proper one.

Despite Dean’s skepticism, the plants begin to mend. The pothos spring back to life in a matter of days. The ficus pushes out several new leaves by the start of summer. And the cactus—which Dean was sure was a biohazard—now stands happy and healthy in a bright corner of their living room.

“I gotta say, I’m surprised,” Dean says one Saturday morning, walking into the greenhouse where Cas has already been posted up for an hour, tending to a heart leaf philodendron. It’s become a new part of their daily routine for Dean to bring Cas his morning cup of coffee this way. When they both became morning people, Dean will never know. “I didn’t think that little guy would make it to next week.”

“It just needed someone to take care of it, that’s all,” Cas says, accepting the coffee from Dean and giving him a small kiss on the cheek.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Dean looks around the packed greenhouse. “Still don’t know why you go through all this effort, though. Why not make it easier on yourself and get some healthy plants for once? Why bother with these ones?”

Cas smiles down into his coffee before looking back up at Dean. Even after all these years, that look still makes Dean’s heart to skip a beat.

“Don’t take this the wrong way but—well, they remind me of you.”

Dean looks at a shriveled up aglaonema on the shelf next to him—because apparently Dean is now a goddamn botanist and knows the names of plants and shit—and frowns.

“Gee, Cas. You sure know how to make a guy feel special.”

Cas tracks his line of sight and lets out a small chuckle. He sets down his coffee and wraps his arms around Dean’s waist. Dean doesn’t look at him, but he does let himself melt into Cas’s arms just a bit.

“That’s not what I mean, Dean,” Cas says, giving him a light squeeze. “I mean, yes, I did rescue you from hell and rebuild your body atom by atom—”

“Yeah, yeah, show off. Do you have a point?”

“Dean.” Cas’s hand is now cradling his jaw, his thumb stroking his cheek. Dean sighs at the touch, leaning into it, before meeting Cas’s eye. “You’re not the plant in this metaphor. I am.”

“What, uh—what do you mean?”

“I have been a weathered and withered plant on more than one occasion. I lost my way more times than I can remember. You could have deemed me a lost cause. You could have thrown me out. But you never did. Even at my worst, you never gave up on me. And now, I look at my life and what it’s become and—well, it’s blossomed. And that’s all because of you.

“So, yes, I see a bit of myself in these plants. But more than anything, they remind me of how you must have seen me. And if you saw all that and still brought me back from the brink of oblivion, I can surely help a few little innocent plants do the same.”

And Dean doesn’t know how Cas does it, how he makes Dean feel more worthy than he’s ever thought possible. He surely doesn’t deserve it, but he’ll spend the rest of his life trying to prove that he does.

He kisses Cas, solid and deep, because he doesn’t know what to say, and when they break apart, Dean sees tears welling up in Cas’s eyes. Dean brushes them away before they can fall.

“Thank you for saving me,” Cas finally manages to say.

“We saved each other,” Dean says, and kisses him again.

[haus-seeblick]

Suptober Day 2! "The Perfect Pillow"

Rating: Teen and Up

Ship: (Pre-)Castiel/Dean Winchester

Tags: Literal Talk About Pillows, Early Seasons, Flirting (kind of), Dean Wants Comfort, Castiel Wants Dean Winchester to be Happy, Humor, Pining, Horny Dean Winchester, Hand Kink, Crack and Humor, this is silly, Sleepy Dean

Summary: Dean cannot get comfortable on this awful, lumpy motel pillow. Castiel senses his distress and arrives to help him out. He takes the task very seriously.

Read under the cut, or on ao3 here!

Dean huffs a grumpy sigh and wriggles around under the covers once again, trying to reposition himself in a way that doesn’t leave his neck aching. The damn lumpy pillow on this motel bed is the absolute worst kind — way too soft and way too thin, providing neither support nor comfort. It’s infuriating.

Sam doesn’t understand Dean’s choosiness about pillows. Whenever Dean grumbles about one, Sam points out that they spend most of their nights sleeping in a car that doesn’t even have headrests. 

“That’s different,” Dean insists every time, though when Sam asks how, exactly, it’s different, Dean just sticks his tongue out at him. It’s way too much to explain that the Impala is home , and therefore the comfort is built in. It’s just a different kind of comfort. A motel has to work for it, starting with the pillow. 

Dean swears and sits upright, seizing the pillow and folding it in half before flopping back down. It provides slightly more support, but it’s still far from ideal. 

At least Sam is out tonight with that cute nurse they met while working the hospital haunting, so there’s no one around to judge him.

“Why are you restless, Dean?”

The gun is in Dean’s hands before his brain fully catches up, and the pillow flops to the floor as he sits bolt upright. The pale yellow light from the parking lot filters through the curtains, sketching out the shape of someone perched on the edge of his bed. Dean blinks.

“Cas?”

“Hello,” Castiel says calmly, not flinching at all as he stares down the barrel of Dean’s weapon.

Dean drags a hand over his face and lowers the gun. “Jesus, dude. You gotta stop doin’ this.”

Castiel tilts his head. “Visiting you?”

“Visiting me in the middle of the night, unannounced,” Dean says, tucking the gun away and leaning over the side of the bed to retrieve the limp pillow.

“I sensed your distress,” Castiel responds simply. 

Dean grumpily fluffs the pillow and collapses back down. “I’m not in distress.”

“Your thoughts broadcasted otherwise.”

Apparently Dean’s thoughts are a dramatic bitch. He glares up at Cas, who’s really sitting too close. Not that Cas would pick up on that. Dean’s only known the weird angel for a few months, but it’s already abundantly clear that Castiel doesn’t understand normal human boundaries. Normal guy boundaries. 

There’s a little pinging voice in the back of Dean’s mind, though, that points out that it doesn’t really matter this time, because they’re alone and who’s gonna see? No danger of anyone else noticing what Cas’ proximity does to Dean’s— well, everything.

“I’m fine,” he huffs. “So you can flap back off to whatever you were doin’.”

“I could help you sleep,” Castiel suggests, and Dean’s stupid, traitorous brain nearly melts at the unintended implication. He tugs the scratchy blanket all the way up around his shoulders. 

“Thanks for the offer, man, but I can get my four hours on my own.” He prods at the pillow, scrunching it into a lump and burrowing his cheek into it. God, it’s awful.

“It appears you are uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, well, part of the lifestyle,” Dean grumbles. When Castiel doesn’t respond, Dean sighs. “The pillow just sucks, that’s all. I’ve had worse.”

The covers rustle as Castiel shifts slightly on the bed. Dean watches him surreptitiously through a cracked eyelid. Even in the dim, fuzzy light, his features are sharp and defined — cut cheekbones, that straight nose, those watchful eyes. Even his eyelashes stand out, long and dark, casting shadows of their own. 

It’s rare that Dean lets himself just look. 

Castiel observes the window thoughtfully for a moment, before gazing down at Dean. “What are the qualities of a pillow that doesn’t suck?”

Dean doesn’t even have to contemplate. He opens his eyes fully, rolling onto his back so he can face Cas. “It’s gotta have some thickness to it, y’know, enough to prop up your neck, but not so much that your head gets tilted up. And it has to be firm, but not hard. Like, take this one." He gestures at the monstrosity under his head, “It's way too soft and loose, so I gotta bunch it up.”

“May I?” Castiel asks, reaching out, and Dean raises an eyebrow but props himself up on his elbows enough for Castiel to be able to sink his — long, thick — fingers into the pillow right next to Dean’s cheek. He kneads the fabric, thumb almost brushing the side of Dean’s neck. A tingly smattering of goosebumps buzzes along Dean’s skin. He hastily sits up straighter.

Cas withdraws his hand shortly after. “I see,” he says. “I’ll be right back.” And with a whoosh, he’s gone.

“Uh.” Dean sits there, mouth slightly open, then shrugs. “Okay.” He lays back down and tries very hard to avoid thinking about strong, well defined fingers and broad palms. Headlights sweep across the dusty-yellow walls and ceiling as someone pulls up to the motel, and Dean hears a door slam and voices fade down the sidewalk in the direction of the office.

His neck still hurts, but he’s not even thinking about it. The prospect of Cas coming back makes him thrill as if he’s a horny, crushing teenager or something. It’s ridiculous. 

Not two minutes pass before the curtains flutter with yet another whoosh, and Castiel stands in the middle of the motel room, arms wrapped around a bulging array of — pillows?

Dean sits up. “Dude, what did you do?”

“I brought you alternatives,” Castiel says, striding forward and unceremoniously dumping the bundle onto the bed at Dean’s feet. “I attempted to find pillows that matched your preferences in size and texture.”

Dean’s not sure whether to laugh or gawk, so he ends up doing a mixture of both and sounding like a choked sheep. Castiel regards him with concern. 

“Sleep is important for humans, Dean,” he says, with all the air of a professor imparting vital, brand-new knowledge on a dim pupil.

“You got me there.” Dean holds out a hand. “Well, hit me. Let’s try these babies out.”

Castiel lifts one of the pillows and — Dean hardly sees it coming — smacks him in the face with it. 

“What the fuck!”

“You told me to hit you,” Castiel responds, sounding perplexed. “I thought it was part of the comfort testing.”

Dean clutches the pillow to his chest. “It’s a figure of speech! I— Nevermind.” He squishes the pillow in his hands. “This one’s nice.” Nudging the shitty one off the bed, he floofs the new one until it looks ideal, then sinks his head down into it. Castiel walks around the bed until he’s standing right next to Dean’s face, staring down at him.

“What do you think?”

Dean can’t even bring himself to feel embarrassed by the proximity of Castiel’s crotch. His shoulders and neck melt into the pillow, even the muscles in his face relaxing. “’s amazing,” he nearly moans. 

“Does it support your neck without tilting your head?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Is it firm enough without being hard?”

“So firm,” Dean sighs, already drifting.

“Dean. There are more pillows to sample.” 

“This one’s a winner, buddy.”

“We need to assess all options before making our final decision,” Cas insists, and suddenly there’s an arm sliding under Dean’s shoulders and lifting his torso effortlessly. Dean jolts back online, eyes flying open to find Cas’ face just inches from his as the angel slides the pillow away and replaces it with another. 

“Lie back down.” 

Dean’s not sure he’s getting enough oxygen as Cas’ palm presses flat against his chest and guides him back onto the bed. 

They test five more pillows, and Dean allows Cas to manhandle him more often than is strictly necessary, but sue him. There’s no one else around, and Cas is the one who started it. Might as well drum up some material for the spank bank.

In the end, Dean decides on Pillow #3, which really is the most comfortable item of bedding he has ever encountered. It cradles his neck and head like it was custom-made for him, and he feels sleep descending almost as soon as he sinks into it. 

“Mmm. Heaven might be at war, but this was a good use of your time, Cas.”

“I agree,” Castiel rumbles from his perch on the edge of the bed. “It is a relief for me as well, to have the near-constant buzz of your discomfort assuaged.”

“Gee, way to make a guy feel special. You make me sound like a mosquito.”

“That was not my intention.” Castiel stands, and Dean watches him through his lashes. “I enjoy being in tune with your emotions. It’s— well, it’s more connected than I’ve felt to anything in my long existence.”

Dean’s not sure what to say to that, so he stays quiet.

“Sleep now, Dean.” Cas’ deep voice fills him, covers him, and he swears that he feels fingers brush his forehead as he drifts into unconsciousness. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean wakes the next morning to a pain-free neck and a kink-free back, and if it weren’t for the lumpy, discarded pillow on the floor next to him, he would’ve thought that he dreamed the whole thing. He reverently packs his new pillow into his duffel bag before checking out of the motel.

Sam comments on his jaunty mood as they pull out of town later that morning, and Dean just shrugs. 

“You had your visitor last night, I had mine.” 

[shallowseeker]

hello! i have a cas question for you today

do you think cas values monster or half human lives? we know he cares about human lives sometimes, and besides jack and jesse turner i cant remember another half breed cas is in contact with in the series (i could be wrong its been a bit).

early seasons i would hesitate to say either way, he did what he had to do for his end goal.

later seasons im drawing blank because fundementally this is still the same character, sure he has more respect for life but does it extend to not fully human ones?

jack has been the exception but it probably helped that he had heavenly parentage (even if it is lucifer)

Oh, no. What a difficult question. I don't know! Or, I don't have words for it, anyway. I guess, let's ramble about it, then? Maybe something will come of it or someone else can chime in...

///

DOES CAS VALUE MONSTER AND HALF-HUMAN LIVES? On the whole, I think no-ish. (But happy to be challenged on this?)

Broadly, I think he values human lives in a very chivalrous way, and I think he values angel lives in a very egalitarian, punching-up sort of way. (He'll do what he can to help them, but they're fair game when it comes to killing.)

I think hybrids live in a liminal space depending on whether he views them as more human-oriented or more predator-oriented. Jesse Turner was an active threat to humans, but Jane the Nephilim was viewed more neutrally, as an expendable innocent.

Even with Jack, Cas emphasizes his human qualities and pushes him to human media and toys and the "softer," human hunting way of warrior life. (Ironically, despite Cas's best intentions, Jack gets wrapped up in angelic civil war at just six months old!)

Cas seems to freak out when Jack edges closer to being purely celestial/soulless. Part of that is because Jack seems to die when unbalanced one way or the other (Byzantium). But part of it is that Cas is uncomfortable with his own brutality as well as the brutality of his angelic brethren, and I suspect that he doesn't want Jack to embody the worst parts of himself.

///

THE LOCUS OF MORALITY IS HUMANITY I hinted at this before, but I actually don't view Cas as much of a morally relative dude. Typically, he doesn't even indulge in moral relativism. He's far too pragmatic most of the time...

(Compare this to Sam, who seems to enjoy the academic exercise of troubling himself over morality. He seesaws into moral relativism on many occasions.)

Cas served Heaven for millennia but allegedly was the spanner who always tended to favor protecting humanity. Ergo, I think his morality is naturally more human-centric. He likes humanity. (He didn't just rebel for Dean. It was about his pre-existing values. He's the human-oriented spanner.)

CAS: Well, perhaps I've been down here with them for too long. There's seemingly nothing but chaos. But not all bad comes from it. Art. Hope. Love. Dreams.

In terms of the cosmic hierarchy, maybe Jody Mills was right to get prickly about Cas's natural chivalry. Cas actually is, cosmically speaking, a "women and children first," kinda guy.

I love the idea that Jody and Cas would butt heads because she doesn't hesitate to push against his lone-wolf crap.

///

HUMANITY ON A PEDESTAL? Anyway, because of this, we see Cas putting humanity on a pedestal a lil' bit. Like humanity is his "Don Quixote's Columbine," maybe. But there's a glimmer of de-idealization in later seasons, and he seems wholly aware that he's chosen to center his human family due to his own desires.

Even Dean seems aware of a family-first mentality, which is why he threatens Kaia in 13x09 and why Cas brain-melts Donatello in 13x14. They're actually moving in sync, even though they both know it's ethically gray. Dean's discomfort, I think, even for his own actions, comes out by being prickly with Cas re:ethics.

Devil's Bargain 13x13:

CAS: Right now, all that matters is getting Jack and your mother out of that place. 

Cas shows he's aware of and comfy with morally centering his human family in 13x22 Exodus. I don't think he's flying blind, either. I think he's thought about the implications of his allegiance re:ethics. It's as he tells Claire in season 10, "There is no righteous path."

AW-CASTIEL: You align yourself with the h-humans. CAS: I vastly prefer them to angels. AW-CASTIEL: Don’t think that you are better than me. Well, we are the same. CAS: Yes. We are.

And that's a big theme with SPN as a series--the horror of recognizing yourself in the Other, whether that's the Enemy or your Adversary or even your Food Source. But with regards to Cas, you sort of hope he sees you as family...and not the pig to be comforted and slaughtered (season 7).

Likewise, Jack as an entity is uncomfortable. As he grows into his powers, he moves further from his human family, at least in terms of the cosmic hierarchy. It's what AU Michael was crooning about in 14x09 The Spear.

AU MICHAEL: Your loyalty to Castiel, the Winchesters, the rest of humanity? It will fade. And so will the minor differences -- angel armies versus monster armies, this Kansas City or that Kansas City, one world from another -- they'll fade, too.

In 14x15 Peace of Mind, Jack insists the snake isn't hungry, but really it's because it's probably just uncomfortable to watch snakes eat mice.

That's why he's trying to feed two cute lil white mice to Felix the snake... (Motif-> "Sam and Dean being fed to a celestial.") It's why, "I don't think you have a good handle on what snakes eat." It's why Dean is playing Mouse Trap in Game Night 14x17.

It's why the weapon Chuck shoves at Dean is named the Equalizer. Dean and Jack naturally exist on different power scales, and it's uncomfortable and tragic and cruel!

///

CAS + DE-IDEALIZATION I think there's this fanon tendency to view Cas as some kind of delicate flower who's been lured into siding with humanity. But along with the stuff above, I just don't see it that way. Cas is pretty pragmatic about his motivations.

He's trying to live with the family he wants, to the point of creating sufficient cause to do so (raising Jack), and he's trying to keep Heaven on tap as a power source to bully his way into whenever he needs it.

This is how Kelvin pitches getting back into Heaven's graces in season 12, actually! He tells Cas to imagine "coming and going as he pleases," and having "all the might of Heaven waiting in the wings."

(I think too of that poor drunken angel he throws around in 14x19, lol).

Here are some de-idealization conversations I like that involve Cas:

14x14 Ouroboros:

CAS: Maybe we're wrong and -- and this isn't a monster at all. Maybe this is just a deranged person who's been getting lucky. JACK: Anyone who could do this is a monster. I mean, even if they're human. DEAN: Kid's not wrong. 

15x15 Gimme Shelter:

JACK: Sam was right. It's not a monster. (Jack puts the shovel into the back of the truck.) CASTIEL: Well, he has half right. Sometimes humans can be the worst kind of monsters. JACK: Yeah, but it's kind of not our thing. Guess we should just go back to the bunker and do nothing while we wait for Sam and Dean. (He telegraphs disappointment, hoping Cas will feel sorry for him.) CASTIEL: No. No, we're gonna stay. We can help. (Jack smiles.)

And 15x18 Despair, where he finally turns away from the idea of Jack's Big Destiny:

CASTIEL: We don't care about you because you're useful or because you fit into some grand design. We care about you because you're you.

It's nice. Cas isn't a simple dude.

///

WHY IS JACK AN EXCEPTION? But yes, you're right that Jack is an exception for Cas. I think we can all see that. But is that due to Jack's hybrid status?

Kinda, I think? Maybe a little bit, but...how do I put this? I don't think propping up Jack is a moral stance. It feels more like a personal one.

Jack represents an angelic force with all the bells and whistles of the "gentler" humanity. It represents Cas's romanticized self. Cas wants to be human but isn't. Jack can be like Cas but be allowed to dwell within the human world and experience his own emotions without being stymied by and giving into "angelic brutality."

So, Jack.

Jack represents an idealized future for Cas, too. Jack is a sufficiently Holy, Earth-bound cause, giving Cas a solid excuse to stay bedded down with his chosen human family.

When Cas talks about Jack, he talks a lot about his promise to Kelly. There's guilt there, for sure. It was his springing of Lucifer from jail that resulted in Kelly being preyed upon.

I honestly think Jack is really, really complicated and multi-faceted for Cas. If you scroll down to this bottom part of my original SPN parenting meta, "Cas loves Jack, but Jack is a good excuse," I talk more about why I feel that way. (WARNING: It's long. You have to scroll a looot.) /// When he's not being lobotomized by Heaven, Cas tends to put his loyalties where his "seflish" love is, even if that results in the killing of innocents like Jane the Nephilim and Rowena's Oskar.

CASTIEL: But she didn't choose to be a Nephilim, so she's innocent. METATRON: Yes, she is. I told you it wasn't gonna be easy. But if you want to do this, Castiel, if you really want to do this, you got to ask yourself what's more important – her life or your family?

[bloodsalted]

dean watches as his father gets up, crossed around the fire to grab another log. his own beer's held loosely in the grip of his fingertips. it's turning that moment, he can be caught looking back over his shoulder towards where sam wandered off to go get some sleep again. rest. he needed rest. the eldest winchester of the bunch isn't the only one in protestive mode. dean's always been wired this way. ever since the one who took the worst of the hits today took his very first breath. before dean can really remember that bond initially kicking in. so? it's always been there. just like breathing. or talking. or the way his heart beats in his chest. worrying about sam? it's all part of his wiring. sam doesn't quite get that. but one day? he might. least dean hopes so. if he doesn't? well. then.. it's not like dean can stop. it'd be like tearing out his soul. cutting parts of it away. then shoving it back in again. he wouldn't be him anymore.

and then there's the figure who's sitting down again. plucking up his beer because be damned if the fire's gonna ruin it. john doesn't understand dean feels the same way about him. that he wants to keep him as safe as john wants to keep his boys. sometimes? and dean would never breathe this out loud.. but sometimes. dean thinks he wants to keep john safe MORE. cause..if they stayed together? in dean's eyes? that'd be the safest for all of them. hell no. he'd never admit that he kinda sees that as one or two of the ways he's the more protective one of the two at this campfire right now. hell, though.

nothing about this family's normal. tomorrow that could change. in a minute it could. in sam's eyes; he probably sees things completely different in his view. same as john. same as himself. they've all been through so much shit that's screwed up how they view each other. how they view what a family is supposed to mean. it's so hard to piece it together to agree on anything. so? they FIGHT. they ARGUE. but dean knows he'd bleed out for either one of the two. and not give a single pause to think twice.

"he did," he asks looking back over his shoulder again before meeting his father's eyes. dean's face practically melting as chest grows warm. bottom lip gets dragged in between his front teeth. a quick smile. that one hit hard. it shows. sam came to him. fell. picked himself back up and FINISHED. dean looks skyward to keep the heat building up in his eyes only that and nothing more. a swig later and he's got himself together enough to murmur. "i worry about him a lot. i know sam can pick himself back up. i know he's strong. but what happened to his girl? what keeps happening to him?" he leans in closer--hushed and there's a fear that's building up in his eyes. terror, really. "what he's seein'?" his head shakes and he swallows-hard. "dad.. he's terrified, heartbroken and hurting and i don't know how to help him. i don't know how to make it better. and i'm supposed to be able to do that.. and i can't.." and that's killing him trying to piece together HOW.

( @bloodsalted asked: hearth. the sender and the receiver talk past midnight by the fire's light. (john) )

the wood pile's getting low, but the fire's still steadily burning. while the forest might whisper around them, it's little more than background noise, drowned out by the crackling, curling bark and the quiet conversation. he's lost track of the hours as conversation rose and fell, moments of levity spread out between more serious, solemn talk. and yet, even for the relaxed nature, the ease in which he tells stories, there'll always be details dropped, subjects that don't get broached because at the end of the day, john's protective instinct would always be stronger than talking. loss had painted his life, drenched it in blood, and all that really mattered was ensuring that his sons were still breathing. they might've said it was vengeance first, but he failed to understand how they couldn't see that vengeance would be what saved them.

as the chill begins to creep in around them, john's proactive. he sets his amber bottle next to his makeshift seat on some old stump, giving it a slight twist in the dirt to keep it from falling over when he gets up. ❝ the kid's never been a quitter, dean, ❞ he says, grabbing another log to toss on the fire, captivated momentarily by the spray of sparks lifting with the flames. sam's long since asleep, but he'd come up a couple times already throughout the course of conversation.

they'd argued. again.

but as far as he saw it, the boys had been reckless earlier that day ( sam in particular ). hell, sam had the injuries to prove it. but sometimes it was like going up against a brick wall with him ( he knew that stubbornness though, knew it too well ). but he's not the only one who worries. ❝ he's been picking himself back up from the moment he could walk, ❞ john steps back around the fire, taking his place on the stump again, knees groaning. ❝ you were probably too young to remember, ❞ he chuckles to himself, grabbing the discarded beer to take a quick swig, not about to let it go warm by the firelight. ❝ he came right for you, and before i knew it, he was on his face, ❞ he looks to his oldest sun, a smile as he remembers ( life had never been simple for them, not even then, but sometimes he wished he could go back, try it over. do it again, but better ). ❝ i was holding my breath, waiting him to cry, but he pulled himself up and stumbled his way over. ❞

[lostgirl677]

Baking? Piece of pie...or not

One-shot

Masterlist

Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

TWF x Fem!Reader

A/N: I bake a lot lately and it gave me this idea. It's a bit silly but I truly enjoyed writing it.

This morning, I decided to wake up earlier to prepare a pie for the brothers. Well, it was much more for Dean but still. There wasn’t any special occasion. I just wanted to do something nice for them. We all had a rough week with the last hunt. I knew that I had a chance to cheer them up with a nice dessert. Nothing fancy, just a simple apple pie. But I knew that the gesture would mean a lot to them.

I got out of my room as quietly as I could so as to not wake anyone. As I tiptoed to the kitchen, I tried to remember, without looking at the paper, all the steps of the recipe my mother used when I was younger. Once in the kitchen, I directly went to check that I had all the ingredients needed for the pie. Everything was here, ready to work the miracle of the glorious pie. As I placed everything on the table, I managed to make one of the mixing bowls fall loudly on the floor.“ Son of a bitch” I swore under my breath at my own clumsiness. I truly spend too much time with Dean, for sure. I just hoped that my clumsiness wouldn’t get in the way the whole time.

Once I was done with the crust preparation, I checked the clock. It was almost 7 AM. Given the time, I knew that I had at least another thirty minutes to myself before one of the brothers got up. It was now time to slice the apples. Cutting them was always one of the worst parts for me because I always managed to hurt myself. I know, it’s weird for an experienced hunter. The amount of apple pieces was so big that I couldn’t even imagine how it was supposed to fit in the pie plate. But at least it would be a very generous pie. To Dean’s joy, I guess.

I suddenly realized that I forgot one of the steps my mother used to do. I wanted to check the piece of paper but finally remembered that I left it on my nightstand. I now had to go back to my room. I sighed loudly, looked at the mess I caused with the flour, apple peels, sugar everywhere, knowing that I’ll have to clean while the pie cooked. I checked the clock one more time. It was almost 8 AM. I wanted to be done by 9 AM but if I kept messing things up, it would take longer than that. Maybe until lunch at this rate.

As I remembered, the recipe was on my nightstand. Exactly where I could see it when I woke up. What an idjit! I hurried back to the kitchen but what I saw almost made me scream. Almost all the apple pieces were gone. What the hell?! But maybe I wasn’t alone in the kitchen. Maybe a certain blond hunter decided to pay a visit while I wasn’t there?  tried to look in all the most obvious places: under the table, behind the door… He was nowhere to be seen. Then, I decided to catch him red handed by pretending to go out of the kitchen. 

As I hid in the corridor, I heard a bit of commotion and snapped my head by the door. There he was, with his mouth full. I finally caught the food thief. He was there, smiling like an idiot. “Dean! Stop stealing the pie ingredients!” His smile grew even bigger. “Hey! It’s not my fault. It was here unattended.” He chuckled and I couldn’t help but melt at this. “You’re worse than a raccoon. I knew it was you when I saw that half of the apple pieces were gone.” “Hey! How come you knew it was me and not Sam?”  He said while faking hurt. I just looked at him with one eyebrow raised. He sighed “Alright. But you weren’t even able to spot me.” He said smugly. “Okay. I must admit that you did great at hiding. Where were you by the way?” He tried the Blue Steel look on me while saying “Well, I’m Batman, sweetheart.” I rolled my eyes. “And I won’t tell you about my hiding place. How will I steal food next time?”.While saying this, he stole another handful of apple pieces. “Dean!” As if he defied me, he looked at me in the eyes and threw the stolen apples in his mouth. He will be the death of me. “You’re lucky  I love you.” “I know.” He said, imitating Han Solo’s voice and snaking his hand toward the apples.I smacked his hand. ”Don’t push your luck, Winchester.”

I then had to cut more apples. While Dean was sitting on the table, telling me stupid jokes. He was at a good distance from the apples but I knew that one second of inattention and he would dive in the bowl of apples. Then went the moment where I had to take one more apple from the counter behind me. As I walked away from the table, I could see him watching my every move. “Dean, if you just do so much as moving a finger, I promise to make your life a real nightmare.” I just heard him chuckling.

As I cut the apple, the knife slipped and cut my finger. “Goddamn it!” I screamed. Dean jumped off of the table and came by my side. “You okay?” I showed him my finger and said “Yeah, it’s just a cut. I’ll grab a paper towel and it will be okay.” He got it for me, wrapped my finger in it and said”I don’t understand how you can handle the worst monster all by yourself and still cut your finger while slicing an apple.” I slipped my hand out of his and said. “Oh shut your cakehole. It’s not my fault that I am better with a machete than a simple kitchen knife. Plus it wouldn’t have happened if someone didn’ t eat the vast majority of the apples I had already prepared.” I was about to throw flour on him but he dodged and Sam who just arrived behind him received it right in the face. His deadpan expression was priceless. He had flour all over him. Dean burst into laughter and Sam grabbed a handful of flour and threw it at him. 

Cas appeared at the moment flour touched Dean’s face. “Hello.” He said in a deep voice. He looked at us with a confused face and asked “Is throwing cooking powder a normal step in the human cooking process?” We all looked at each other and laughed. It made us laugh even more when Cas took flour in his hand and spread it on his face. The serious expression he had during the whole process was gold. He approached me and said “May I?” I just nodded. He thoroughly spread flour on my face. “Now we can cook.” He said once he was done.

In the end they all helped me. It was almost time to put the pie in the oven but I had to do one last thing. “Time for my secret ingredient.” I announced. “What is it?” Asked Sam, visibly curious. I tried to hide the label that spelled cinnamon while pouring it on my preparation. “Is it some aphrodisiac? You know that we don’t need that.” said Dean suggestively while trying to steal it from me. “Stop being a dork and let me do my thing.” Once the pie was in the oven, we began to clean everything.

As I took the pie out, I saw that Dean was about to jump on it. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” “Come on, I’m a tough hunter who's been in Hell. I don’t fear getting… Argh!” he screamed as he burned his hand on the plate. “I told you, tough hunter. Now put your hand under the faucet.” I said with a small smile. He swallowed his pride and did as I told him.

The pie was finally ready for lunch. They were all waiting for me at the table when I brought the pie we all made. They all looked amazed at the dessert we made together. I saw how eager they all looked at the sight of the pie. So I served everyone and we began to eat it. The expression on their faces made me understand that it was good. “God, Y/N. What kind of sorcery is this?” asked Dean, with his mouth full of pie. Castiel spoke before I could. “It has nothing to do with the practice of witchcraft, Dean.” We all laughed.“Are you sure? Maybe Y/N is a witch?” He seemed to think and said “It is a possibility, indeed. When was your last ritual, Y/N?” I then replied playfully. “When you all arrived. The magic happened at that moment.” Dean threw me a loving look. Then Sam decided to ask “What is that secret ingredient of yours?” “Well, Sam, I can’t tell.It wouldn't be a secret anymore if I told you”. I said while trying to have a mysterious expression on my face. Cas swallowed another bite of pie and decided to intervene ”I don't understand how the secret ingredient is supposed to be a secret if you can feel all the molecules contained in cinnamon.” He said that very calmly. “Cas! You just exposed my most well guarded secret.” I said in fake indignation. “I’m sorry, Y/N” He seemed a bit confused when I finally laughed and patted his shoulder.

“Next time you’re baking, I’ll make sure to come here to participate. It was very entertaining” said Cas. “Aw! I’ll make you an angel cake next time.” I said while hugging him. He seemed a bit confused. “Is it a cake made for an angel to eat or a reference to celestial food? Because angels do not need to feed.” “ It will be a cake for an angel in a trenchcoat .” Dean approached to kiss me on the lips and said “Thank you for the pie. It was amazing. If I were alone, I would've eaten it entirely. And Sammy always gets upset when I steal his food.” “But you always steal my food!” replied Sam.

If I ended up in Heaven, I knew that this day would be the one I’d relive for eternity.

@hobby27 @muhahaha303

[loserchildhotpants]

“you’re not sorry.” for destiel 😐👍

here's some end!verse angst and hurt/comfort for u <3

When Dean finds Castiel again, he's sat in the tall grass at the back of his cabin, a tablet of something melting under his tongue, and a journal open on his right thigh where he writes in foreign languages he still retains.

There's no proof that Castiel uses ancient Sumerian for the purpose of coding his personal journals, to make them near impossible to decipher their meaning, but Dean has a feeling that's exactly what he's doing.

It's fine that Dean can't read it. He doesn't want to. He's petrified of what he might find out.

"You don't need to hover like a ghost, Dean. Just announce yourself or leave."

"Says the worst silent-starer of history," Dean combats, hackles raising.

Seeing Cas turn to face him with that black eye and split lip nearly drives Dean to physical illness.

His heart sinks low in his gut, and he cringes, looking away.

"That's actually fair," Castiel allows, "carry on, then."

Rolling his eyes at the darkening sky, Dean counts to ten, then takes another step toward Cas.

The black eye is very distracting.

"You should put ice on that."

"I don't like feeling cold."

"Well, tough," Dean grumbles, scowling at the offending shade, physically restraining himself from going to fetch an icepack for him.

With just a tired sigh, Cas turns back to his writing, seeming to dismiss Dean until Dean is more willing to state his purpose. And that sucks for multiple reasons, chief among them being that Dean has no idea what he's doing there at all.

"Is there nothing you'd like to say?"

"What? You expect me to apologize?"

Glancing over his shoulder again, Castiel evaluates him, then decides, "no. You're not sorry. Why would you be?"

Scoffing, Dean throws his arms out and accuses, "you had it coming!"

"You punched me in the face."

"You tried to kiss me!"

"There's an operative word in there," Castiel replies, turning back to his writing, "if all you came here to do is tell me I deserve my suffering, I assure you, I don't require assistance."

For a few beats, Dean just stands there, useless, furling and unfurling his fists at his hips, floundering.

"I'm not good at this, Cas. I dunno what the fuck to do here."

"Okay."

"Don't give me that 'okay,' shit - you can be a real passive aggressive bitch sometimes, you know that?"

"Dean, I'm not interested in making you do anything," Castiel says to his scribblings, "I don't know why you're here, I am getting the distinct impression that you don't know why you're here either, and there's nothing I can do about that. You say you don't know what to do here, and I don't know what you're trying to do here, so I cannot help. I tell you it's okay because there is a throbbing on the side of my face reminding me that you don't have the emotional bandwidth available for things between us to be anything other than okay, and it's something I can afford you."

"The world is falling apart around you, you're tired, I'm tired too, and I can't do what I once..."

He trails off, lets his pen go loose in his hold, sighs again, hangs his head and mutters, "I'm not what I once was. You don't know how devastating that is for me. For you, it's an inconvenience. For me, it's... loss as I've never known. But I can't ask you to carry any part of that, as a friend or otherwise, and one thing I can do for you is turn the other cheek."

He half-looks over his shoulder, not really peeking over, but giving the impression of looking; it's very defeated.

"This is me turning the other cheek. I wanted to kiss you, you punched me, I've gone to lick my wounds in privacy which you've broken unannounced, and you want me to know you're not sorry, and that I deserve this. I hear you. I understand. It's okay, because that's all I have left to give you."

Dean feels ill again.

"Stop giving me shit - stop giving me passes, Cas. I fuckin' hit you."

"You did," Cas admits, shrugging, fully facing away from Dean, "That cannot be changed."

"Yeah, and you want me to be sorry."

"Do I wish you felt regret for causing me bodily harm? Obviously, Dean."

"Yeah, well, I don't!" Dean shouts too loud, his hands shake at his sides, his eyes feel hot, "and I'm not gonna - I'm not changing, okay? I'm not - I wasn't - I've never - and I won't. Okay? I won't."

"Okay, Dean."

"No, fuck you!" Dean argues, stomping closer to Cas' hunched form, "Don't do that!"

"What do you want me to do?"

"Get up, and tell me to go fuck myself!" Dean shouts, gesticulating wildly, "have a fuckin' spine! Face me, and tell me to wise up, or -"

"Or, what, Dean?" Castiel asks, standing and turning in an uncurling, graceful motion he's had the others learning in yoga, "you expect I'll leave you?"

Jaw locking up, Dean scowls dangerously at Cas, and growls out, "it's what I'd do."

"I won't leave you," Castiel vows, not for the first time; his eyes scan Dean's face, memories in his eyes, "I do not stay with you because I expect you to change, Dean. I stay with you because of precisely who you are - not for what you might be. I'm sorry if that unsettles you."

Pushing his chest, Dean shoves him and follows after, putting them much too close.

"Tell me to go fuck myself! I hurt you, Cas! I hurt you, and that's - it's fucked up! It's fucked up that I did that!"

"I agree," Castiel tells him, serene as anything, "I forgive you."

"I'm not -"

A broad, calloused hand wraps around Dean's wrist; he glances down at where Cas' thumb pushes at the smooth skin of his forearm, then glares into Cas' eyes.

Cas' other hand reaches up, nicotine-stained fingertips coming to brush delicately at Dean's face; he swats at the hand, postures like he's going to strike again, but Cas doesn't flinch.

After a brief struggle, Cas just takes that hand in his too.

"Stop it," Dean commands, a quiver in his voice as Cas steps closer.

He gets up so close, their noses nearly touch, and Dean flinches in Cas' hold, but Cas still has that preternatural strength of something not-quite-all-human, and has Dean well in hand.

"Is it so terrible? To be loved so tirelessly?"

Heart skipping a beat, Dean's eyes flash across Cas', flickering back and forth; his auditory processing isn't always great, it sometimes lags, and he thinks that if he gives them a few moments of silence, his brain will catch up to what was just said in a way that makes more sense, but then that doesn't happen.

"Don't say that."

"So many rules," Cas observes, like he's pondering again why humans prefer personal space.

"Let me go," he says, and doesn't resist.

"Is it so bad?" Castiel asks again, gaze soft and sorry, "I wouldn't know."

That takes the fight out of Dean; 'I wouldn't know what it is to be loved, can you describe it?' - it's a roundhouse kick that lands directly in Dean's solar plexus and promises to bruise for months.

"No," Dean mutters, eyes hot and vision cloudy, "don't - fuck, Cas - don't say that."

"What am I allowed to say?"

When Dean weakly tries to pull away again, Cas' hold gets tighter, he tilts his head, breathes in Dean's breath out, and asks, "what are you so frightened of?"

"Fuck you."

Squinting his eyes, Castiel looks at him, looks through him the way he always has, and Dean's praying to a God he doesn't believe in that Cas can't do that psychic shit anymore now that he's lost his wings - he has to believe he's got some privacy left at the end of the world.

It doesn't matter, though.

Cas knows him, has known him since the start, and just like they're standing back in time, back in the dark of that old barn, Castiel cocks his head and says carefully, "loss. You fear that voicing desire means marking someone for death. That if you allow yourself to feel loved, and to want, that inevitably, this too will be taken from you."

"It's easier not to hope, after a time, isn't it?" Castiel asks him, like he's not just flayed him, "you are a strong man, powerful, and fearsome, but not a harbinger of destruction, Dean. In fact, I think you're a brilliant engineer, better than my Father, even."

Dean's eyes round out, and Cas watches that happen with fascination.

He mutters, as though it's inconsequential, "you build invisible things. Homes, families, love. You don't destroy. You only create in the wake of destruction. Sometimes... I sometimes wonder if I was real at all before I met you."

That snaps the last hold in Dean, and he rips his hands away, grabs at Cas' shoulders, walks him hurriedly backwards, and throws him down into the grass.

Cas blinks up at him, wondering, and then Dean is on his knees, straddling Cas, cupping his face and kissing him like it's an insult, like he hopes there's venom in it that will kill his best friend.

Rough hands pet his flanks, his chest, his neck, and he's groaning or crying - he's one long, exposed nerve, and Cas kisses him like he's got all the time in the world.

"Stop it," Dean huffs out, biting at Cas' bottom lip, "I'm not any'uh that, Cas, I'm not - I hurt you. That's what I do. That's who I am."

"You're wrong, my friend," Castiel assures him, leaning up to kiss him better, to lick into his mouth and moan against him.

"I'm sorry," Dean manages tearfully, hands trembling around Cas' bruised and cut face, "I'm sorry, I -"

"Dean, I forgive you," Castiel answers, kissing him again and again, "I forgive you."

[wearywinchester]

Healing Hands

Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: After returning from a hunt, you’re there to patch Dean up.

Requested by Anonymous: ““Let me bandage you up.” and “Let me see your scars…” are sooooo Dean omg”

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: injury, mentions of blood, mentions of alcohol, scars, fluff, kissing

The very moment your hand fell to the mattress, the spot empty and cold just to your left, a heavy sigh huffed past your lips. The old bedroom was dimly lit as the occasional glow of moonlight streamed through the sheer curtains, quickly covered by more rain clouds as the night ticked by, the room quiet save for the wind swaying the trees outside. On the nightstand to your right, the alarm clock read 12:07 in blaring red numbers, blurred from the drowsiness that hadn’t quite left yet.

He still hadn’t come to bed.

With a yawn, you push back the tattered flannel blanket sprawled over you, bare feet pressing to the cool hardwood floors of the small bedroom as you make your way to the door. You knew exactly where he’d be as you wandered through the hall and down the stairs, Bobby’s snoring still just as loud as it’s ever been. The carpet lining the staircase was worn away from years of the same foot traffic in the same spots, fraying at the edges and threadbare in some places. You wince at the creaky squeals they made even with the slightest pressure upon them, sneaking a glance at Sam still nestled comfortably on the couch. As comfortably as he could be with the way his feet hung ever so obviously over the arm of it and his fingertips nearly brushing against the floor.

One simple move and surely he’d fall off.

You stepped lightly through the room and around the heaps of lore books piled on the floor around the old coffee table, one laying face down and open atop Sam’s chest as he slept peacefully. You knew he’d been looking for a new case even though you just got back from a hunt mere hours earlier, but that’s just how Sam was.

The softest glow of light filtering out from the kitchen leads you in the right direction, the very same direction you’d been heading in anyway. When you rounded the corner your lips pursed immediately at the sight, one you knew you’d be seeing and you were right, leaning your shoulder against the doorframe as your arms crossed over your chest. You eyed the empty beer bottle on the counter, two bent bottle caps to accompany it and you heaved the softest of sighs.

Standing just paces away from you was your beau, the man you’d been in search of for no longer than a couple minutes as he stood with his back to you at the small kitchen sink. If you had to guess, he’d been gazing at the tree line on the very edge of Bobby’s property, his mind probably going a mile a minute otherwise he’d have been in bed already.

In a matter of moments he’d turned his head, the silhouette of his nose and angle of his jaw, the curve of his lips and the raise of his brow coming into view.

“I thought I told you not to wait up for me, sweetheart,” he said softly, voice gruff and mildly frustrated all the same.

You roll your eyes, head tilting to the side. “And I thought you knew better than to believe I’d ever listen.”

He chuckles then, half humorously and half not as he turns to face you and lean back against the counter. That was the problem, you hadn’t listened almost the entirety of that day and it brought you closer to danger than he ever would have liked you to be. Your independence was something he would always love about you, but sometimes he wishes you weren’t so fearless for just once.

His tongue darts out to wet his lips as he looks at you, lips pursing to match your own. That’s when you saw it. You saw the smudges of crimson still remaining on his cheek and that alone was telling that he had yet to touch the graze on the top of his shoulder. You should have known better than to take his word for it when he said he’d do it.

His brow quirks up all the more when you walk the few paces towards the cabinet with a less than pleased expression.

“What are you doing?” He asked, watching as you pulled out the first aid kit, taking a sip from his beer.

“Let me bandage you up.”

“‘M fine, Y/n.”

The look you give him is one that has a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, one that deepened the displeasure you held because you were absolutely not amused. Not even a little bit. But he takes a seat at the kitchen table with a huff anyway, his gaze on you as you set everything down on the worn surface.

“I thought you said you were gonna do this, Dean,” you sigh, exasperated, digging through the kit in search of a few cotton pads and a bandage for his shoulder, snagging a few strips for his face.

“I told you, I’m fine,” he argues quietly, swirling the beer around in its bottle before flashing you a smile.

“Yeah, that’s the last time I’ll take your word for it.”

It’s quiet for a few moments and you can feel his stare, stealing a glance to meet his gaze before you look back at the task at hand, grabbing what you need and pushing the kit off to the side and out of your way. It was obvious you weren’t all too happy with him, he could tell by the soft frown tugging downwards on your lips and the furrow of your brows, by the way you tense your jaw no matter how subtle it was.

“Y/n—”

“I’m serious, Dean. You always say you’re fine and you’re not. You still have blood on your face,” you say, refraining from raising your voice as the frustration simmered in your stomach.

He sighed, his own jaw clenching as he looked away for a moment. Taking care of himself as never the first of his priorities, especially after hunts. His priorities were always you, whether it was when you were his stubborn best friend who made it a point to prove to him you’ve got this whole hunting thing down, that you could handle things yourself, or if it’s now and you’re the love of his life who shaved years off of it each and every time you do your own thing the second he puts the car in park on a hunt. It’s you and it’ll always be you.

He brought his hand up, smoothing the crease between your brows with the pad of his thumb as his chin rests atop the glass bottle he held to the table. His hand drops a fraction to settle on your cheek, calloused and warm. He always knew just what to do to get your anger to melt, to get you to not be quite so mad at him and you hated to say it was working. It was working and he knew it. He knew it when you grabbed his wrist and tugged his hand away, shoving it lightly as the corner of your mouth quirks upwards just enough to have you rolling your eyes to hide it.

You always did that and he’s come to know exactly what it meant.

“That’s not gonna work on me forever, De,” you say, trying to sound matter of fact with your words.

He laughs softly, grinning up at you. “Yeah it will.”

You exhale a huff, giving up your efforts on stifling the softness of your smile because you knew he was right. You couldn’t when he looked at you the way he did with a certain fondness reserved just for you. With a shake of your head you gather your thoughts once more from before he’d gone and distracted you, ripping open an alcohol pad before unraveling it. He winced at the sting it caused when you swiped it over his skin, grazing over the scratch across his cheek that he’d neglected since you got back to Bobby’s for the night.

“Easy there, would you, sweetheart?” He grumbles, lips pursed and brows furrowed.

“Oh, shut up,” you murmur, smile widening when he nudged you with his knee in disapproval.

It was then that you dipped down, lips pressing gently to his own to soften the grumpy attitude that surely was brewing the more you tended to his wounds. In fact, you knew it was with the way he bounced his knee under the table. You felt his smile press into your kiss, his lips lingering over your own to steal another before you went and pulled away from him. You knew how to ease his anger just as much as he knew how to ease yours, his grin still apparent when you pull back enough to see it.

“Don’t start thinkin’ that’s gonna work on me forever,” he says, copying your earlier words.

You raise a brow in amusement, leaning down to hover mere centimeters over his lips. You felt his breath fan over your skin and his nose brush against your own as he leaned all the more closer.

“I’ll try and remember that.”

You pull yourself away once more and the look on his face has you smiling, a laugh leaving your lips when he frowns, lips pursing till those dimples you love oh so much appear at the corners of his mouth. You reach behind you and grab the bandages you snagged from the kit, the cut on his cheek superficial enough to only require a couple of closure strips to heal as it needs to.

Next, you peel back the sleeve of his shirt, the soft gray material having been stained crimson on his shoulder, more than it probably would have been had he tended to it like he said he would. But you were too tired to argue over something so trivial, not after the day you’d had. What you weren’t too tired to do was flash him another displeased look at the sight of the scrape running red and irritated along his skin, some parts deeper than others. It wasn’t something that could just be let go, not with the way Dean gets bumps and bruises every other day.

He groaned when you grabbed the peroxide, something he hated each and every time you used it. He’s suffered some of the worst injuries, but he’s convinced it’s something as simple as an antiseptic that’ll kill him.

“Sweetheart,” he grumbles into his beer bottle, one you’re quick to swipe from him mid gulp and put it out of reach.

“It’s midnight, De,” you sigh.

He sits back in his chair with slumped shoulders, letting his eyes fall closed and allowing you to clean him up. You pressed a fresh hand towel you snagged from a cupboard and held it below the wound, careful as you poured some of the clear liquid over it. He tensed immediately, brows furrowing as he reached for his drink once more. He gives up when he can’t reach it, sitting back in his seat with that ever familiar frown again.

You cap the bottle and set it aside, gentle as you blot at his shoulder. His gaze bounces around from the window by the table to the clock hung a tad bit crookedly on the wall, it’s pendulum swinging lightly as the ticking filled the near quiet of the room. Then his gaze drops to the table, his fingers tapping against the scratched wood as he puckers his lips in thought. Something was going through that head of his and you knew it, knew by the way he bit the inside of his cheek. You knew it for a fact when you saw the smile appear on his lips the more he thought about it, even more so when the softest of laughs puffs out through his nose.

“Remember the first time you ever patched me up?” He asks, eyes lifting to meet yours.

Your own smile was instant, the thought quick to come to mind. You set down the towel in favor of grabbing the gauze and the half-used roll of bandage, turning back to him. “We were nineteen, and you just came back from a nasty hunt after playing tough guy with a wendigo.”

“I had it handled,” he defended, voice faltering as he recalled just what happened with a grin.

“You said that then too,” you counter, eyes rolling as you chuckle to yourself. You rest the gauze over the top of his shoulder before unraveling the roll of bandage. “You were sitting almost in this exact spot too.”

“Once a tough guy always a tough guy, huh sweetheart?”

If you roll your eyes another time they just might stay there, your head shaking and your smile widening. “You’re a dork, you know that?”

He’s beaming by this point. “I can’t be the handsome hero all the time.”

Your smile goes from teasing to soft, dipping down to press a kiss to his forehead, one that he very much got the utmost joy out of as he looked at you. “And remember what you said to me that night?”

“‘Let me see your scars’,” you said at the same time.

“But, out of all your hunting scars, you know which one is my favorite?” You hum, tucking in the end of the bandage once you finished wrapping it, tugging down his sleeve. “That one right above your knee when Sam accidentally knocked you off your bike when we were kids. Your dad didn’t let you see us for a week after that.”

“Because you were a troublemaker,” you jest.

“Was not.”

“Were too,” you argue, tone softening. “Still are. Ten years later you still are.”

Your words were backed when your eyes fell to his hand, catching a glimpse of the repercussions of getting worked up when a demon tries to get in even a word about you. Not to mention words that got Dean more than a little angry. He still didn’t master the ability to tune them out when they say things to work him up, that’s what they do. They can say all they want about him, but not you.

You brushed your thumb over his knuckles, sighing quietly as you looked at just how red and angry they looked, near purple and you knew his hand had to be sore. It was clear to see he’d at least cleaned them up but you knew it couldn’t have been anything more than the dish soap Bobby had under the kitchen sink. He was never really one to look after himself, especially after hunts. Unless he’d been seriously injured, he couldn’t care less about other things because he was too busy fussing over you. Even if you’d gotten something as simple as a scratch, he’d worry and he’d frown, he’d overdo it with the bandages and he’d grumble about it.

He watched as you ran your fingers over each knuckle, a delicate sweep along his skin and he knew it was because you were afraid of hurting him any more than that demon did. He heard your sigh and he saw the softest of frowns on your lips. Without a word he pulled you closer, sitting down on his lap.

“I would say I can’t believe you didn’t patch yourself up, but I can,” you say, watching the way his lips quirk into a smile.

“Maybe I just like when you do it,” he shrugs, his smile widening as he bumps your nose with his.

“You’re a dork,” you murmur with a sigh.

“I’ll take it,” he says softly, still smiling as his breath fans over your lips after he laughs quietly. “Now will you kiss me already? I’m dyin’ over here.”

Your smile is immediate as your lips brush over his, pressing fully as your grins mingle in the more than close proximity you had. His lips were warm and soft, his kiss tasting of beer and a bit of that apple pie he indulged in at the diner and maybe a hint of a burger. When you pulled away you weren’t quite ready, he wasn’t quite ready, kissing him once, twice, three more times with a promise that that probably wasn’t the last of the sweeter than sweet kisses to be shared that night. There were bound to be at least a few more before he finally crashes after the day you’ve all had.

“Thanks for patchin’ me up,” he murmurs against your lips, his forehead resting against yours.

You hum softly in response, smiling like a fool just as much as he was. You’d always take care of him and he’d always take care of you. Even if you’ve both got the attitudes to rival each other, there isn’t a single hunt that will go by where you wouldn’t look after one another.

—

Tags: @flamencodiva @stixnstripesworld @dean-is-sams-apple-pie @elegantbutedgy @humanmistakes @agalliasi @campingmonkey

[blackholelynn]

Your Protection - Part Six

<- Read Part Five

Summary: You work as a cashier in a small convenience store, and your days are completely, painfully normal. After a particularly bad run-in with a rude customer, your life gets flipped upside down, and the only one who you can count on ends up being a complete stranger – Dean Winchester.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Descriptions of drowning, loss/grief, rude/abusive customer interaction, swearing – these warnings are for this series of parts as a whole, so while some of these warnings may not apply on this part, they will apply for future parts

Word Count: 3.3k

A/N: Another chapter done! This is six out of the seven that I have written, so we're nearing the end. But!! Because of the reception of this series, I'll be writing a sequel/continuation of this! After I post the next part next week, this will be going on hiatus until I finish the next series of parts, but I will be working my butt off to get the continuation out as fast as possible 😉

Series Tag List: @leigh70

Supernatural Tag List: @hobby27

Also cross-posted to my AO3 account, you can read it here!

~~~

“Shut up and just let me finish,” Laurie whined. She had your hand pinned to the coffee table in your living room, assaulting your nails with a nail polish brush. The bright teal color popped against the color of the table.

You finally stopped struggling against her grip and laughed, “Fine, fine. I would like it on record that I didn’t want my nails painted.”

“Noted, Debbie Downer.”

You rolled your eyes and leaned back into the couch cushions. This was definitely a moment of respite that you needed, and you hadn’t even realized it. The tension that had been mounting in your shoulders melted away. Your thoughts drifted through the inky blackness of your eyelids, never dwelling on one moment for too long.

When you felt a drop of liquid on your hand, you huffed, “I thought you were painting my nails, not my hand.”

But then you opened your eyes.

Laurie still sat across from you, but her skin was a grey pallor that spread to her eyes. All the color seemed to have been drained from her while water streamed from her open mouth. Her face was stuck in a silent scream, and her blank eyes were filled with tears.

She gargled out your name through all the water rushing from her mouth, and a scream ripped out from your throat. You scrambled back further on the couch, wrenching your hand from her grip. The smell of damp moss overwhelmed your senses, and you couldn't manage to stop screaming. You squeezed your eyes shut and cowered against the back of the couch. You hoped that whatever would happen would be quick and painless.

“Hey! Hey!” Your shoulders were shaken, and you woke up on the springy couch with a gasp. Dean’s green eyes were swimming with concern as he held you by your shoulders. “Sweetheart, are you alright?”

Your eyes darted around the room, taking in your surroundings. Sam was nowhere in the room, and one of the double beds was already made. Finally, you looked back at Dean, and you remembered your dream once again.

In your terror and haze, you hurriedly threw your arms around his shoulders, clinging onto him desperately. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m alright.”

“Bad dream?” he asked, wrapping his arms around your waist. He tucked you into his chest, allowing you to listen to his steady heartbeat, and slowly you felt yourself start to calm down. The adrenaline clamoring through your veins was beginning to dissipate, being replaced by a hazy fog.

“The worst, honestly.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

You shook your head, resting your forehead against his shoulder. “No. I just want to stay like this for a little bit.”

“I can do that,” Dean answered. So you sat together on the couch, settled against Dean’s side, and took comfort by just being near him. When your breathing settled, he looked down at you. “I know how it feels. The nightmares, I mean.”

“They never get better?” You waited for a response, but his silence caused a spike of dread to wedge its way into you. You let out a resigned sigh. “I suppose it’s a hazard of the job.”

Dean nodded, “There’s a lot of those with this job.”

You knew that you should be rethinking your position on the hunt – that you should’ve been considering other options. However, all you could think of what Laurie’s face in your dreams, and it only strengthened your resolve. Maybe if you killed the nixie, you would kill the nightmares along with it. Or they would at least fade. You would take anything at that point.

Your stomach rumbled, and you untangled yourself from Dean, standing and going to the refrigerator. “Breakfast definitely sounds good.” However, you frowned at the barren fridge filled with only beer and a ketchup bottle. “Okay, maybe not. Taking a shot of ketchup isn’t breakfast.”

“Sammy’s out getting us breakfast, and when he gets back, we’re going to set up a plan.”

A plan for me to be bait . Despite advocating for the plan, there was no stopping the fear it caused in you. You desperately wished you could flip a switch and turn your self-preservation off, but that would be the one thing that would keep you from doing anything stupid. 

The motel room door opened, and Sam walked through with two large takeout bags in his hands, kicking the door closed with his foot. “Breakfast.”

“Yes!” You cheered, eagerly taking the bags from his hands and setting them on the table. You carefully laid out the styrofoam boxes on the table, and the smell of food overwhelmed you. “God, this smells heavenly.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up for a moment, and when you looked back over at him, you could feel your face burn up with embarrassment. “Damn…I didn’t know anyone could get so excited about food.”

“I didn’t eat anything aside from that milkshake last night, so call me a bit peckish,” you weakly supplied. You took one of the containers and opened it to find pancakes, and you couldn’t help the slight squeal that escaped from your lips. You grabbed a plastic fork and quickly took a bite, sitting back down on the couch. “So, plan time. What are we thinking?”

“Well,” Sam started, taking his own food and sitting down at the table. “It would help to know who the nixie might be taking shape as. Any ideas?”

Your brows furrowed as you thought about it. You weren’t there for the second murder, so you’d have to draw all your information from the first. Then it clicked, how Adam was there before the murder but nowhere to be found after. Your stomach flipped, and suddenly the pancakes in front of you didn’t seem appetizing anymore. You set down the container on the coffee table and covered your mouth.

Dean’s hands stopped midway into shoveling scrambled eggs into his mouth. “What’s wrong?”

“Adam DiMarco.” You stood up from the couch and began pacing the room, the rage inside of you building and building until you felt like it was boiling over. “That son of a bitch.”

“Mind elaborating?”

“He was the last person with Laurie. He works at the store.”

Sam had the same dawning realization wash over his face. “The same store that both victims worked at. That’s as good a place to start as any.”

“Laurie is not a victim,” you insisted, donning your coat from where it hung by the door. “My shift today is in a couple hours, and he’s scheduled to work today. You stay close, and I’ll take care of the rest.” You were out the door before either of the Winchesters could stop you.

Dean and Sam were left at the table, and Sam turned to Dean as soon as you were gone. “Man, she’s over her head. You’re really okay with this?”

“No. Not in the slightest.” Dean set down his utensils and wiped his mouth with a napkin before crumpling it and throwing it onto the table in exasperation. “But she’s not backing down, and I’ll be damned if we let her do this alone.”

“Huh.”

“What? What’s ‘huh’ about that?” Dean quirked a brow at his brother, who wore a smug smirk.

Sam leaned back in the dining chair and crossed his arms, a knowing look in his eyes. “Nothing.”

“Nothing, my ass. What the hell are you so smug about?”

“Dude, you’re head over heels. I’ve never seen you like this since–”

“We should go,” Dean interrupted, and without hesitation, he followed you out of the door and to the car.

~~~

The store was quiet and had been for the last few hours. You kept yourself busy by hiding your phone behind the register and scrolling through your social media accounts, but you’d been doing that for so long that your feed was starting to repeat.

You eagerly picked up when your phone rang, and Dean grumbled on the other end. “Thought you said Adam was working today?”

“He is.” You checked the call-in sheet for the fifth time that day. “He didn’t call in, so he should be here. He’s probably just late like usual.”

“Great.”

“Aw, getting sleepy? Past your bedtime?” You teased, a mischievous grin on your face as you wiped down the counter again.

“Just don’t forget the signal,” Dean reminded you.

“I won’t.”

You hung up the phone, tucking it safely away into your pocket. You might as well start doing Adam’s job for him and do some stocking since there were no customers. When you opened the backroom, it was overflowing with stock, something that unsettled you. It wasn’t unheard of that a stocker might not be in for a night, causing the room to be fuller the next night, but this had to have been two nights' worth of stock.

You picked up your phone and dialed your manager, and when the phone picked up, you were quick and to the point. “Hey, I just wanted to let you know Adam hasn’t shown for his shift so far. Is he still coming in?”

“Damn it,” your manager sighed. “I was giving him leniency because of everything that happened, but he’s had two no-call no-shows. Look, I’ll take care of all the overflow stock tomorrow, so you don’t have to worry about it. Thanks for letting me know.”

Your manager hung up the phone before you could ask anything else, and you groaned in frustration. Despite how flaky Adam always was, something in your gut told you something was wrong – very wrong. You were about to type in Dean’s number when a ring resounded through the storefront, letting you know a customer had entered. You hurried from the backroom back to the front with the register.

Your fake smile fell when you laid eyes on who had entered the door. “What are you doing back here?”

“Is that any way to treat a loyal customer?” The man who had entered your store before you met Dean stood in the doorway, a cocky smile on his face. “I hope your service is better this time around.”

You didn’t dignify him with a response and instead pretended that you needed to rearrange the candy selection beside the counter. Your skin crawling was difficult for you to ignore as you tried to continue your work, and it was taking everything in you not to call Dean and tell him. The only thing that stopped you was the hope that maybe Adam – and therefore the nixie – may still show up, and if that were the case, Dean would blow your cover.

“So, didn’t see you in yesterday,” the man pointed out, pretending to look at the shelf with ding dongs and twinkies. You still didn’t answer until the lilting melody of a violin quietly faded into your hearing. You froze. “I got worried. Thought something might have happened.”

There’s no way this is happening. It’s Adam. It had to be Adam. Oh god. I have to call Dean.

Just as your fingers brushed your phone, the man tsked, “No heroes this time.”

Suddenly your chest felt heavy, and the taste of moss and putrid water filled your mouth. You tried to take a breath, but when you opened your mouth, warm liquid spilled onto your clothes. Gasping for air, you clutched at your chest, but you couldn’t take a breath. Your hands clutched at your throat, which was overflowing with water.

“Your pathetic little store has only served to create litter. Where do you think that litter goes, hm?” His hand wrapped around your throat and lifted you off the ground. You tried to claw at his hand, but the water created a surface that was far too slippery for you to get a grip. “To the river. I have been dealing with the squalor long enough, and I’m tired of choking on plastic. You and everyone here are going to pay . One by one.”

His brows protruded and angled more right in front of your eyes, and his skin slowly took on a greenish-blue tint. The hands around your throat became slimy and webbed. Your mind reeled desperately to try and think of a way to contact Dean and Sam. Then your eyes caught sight of the red button underneath the counter that was used in the event of a robbery.

With one kick, you pressed the button, causing the nixie to drop you in a second to spin around and stare at the counter. “What did you just do?”

You could feel the water fill your lungs, gargling when you tried to take a breath in and spurting from your mouth and nose when you breathed out. You could only hope that the boys were listening to the police radio like they tended to do, that they would hear the call about a robbery inside the store. Your mind was beginning to grow fuzzy, and your vision darkened.

The last thing you heard before you blacked out was the door slamming open, and you could hear the nixie be tackled to the ground. Dean was by your side in a second while Sam took care of the monster.

“Sweetheart, come on. You just gotta look at me.” He picked your limp body off the floor and held you to his chest, shaking your shoulders. “Wake up. Come on, wake up!” But your eyes wouldn’t open, and he looked up at his brother in desperation, the nixie dead on the floor. “Sammy!”

Sam wasted no time coming to your aid, checking for a pulse. “She’s got a pulse. Start giving her rescue breaths.”

Dean nodded and went to work, making sure your airways were clean. He tilted your head back and sealed your mouth with his, breathing and watching as your chest rose and fell with the two rescue breaths. The taste of foul river water filled his mouth as you began to cough up the water, and he laid you on your side to allow you an easier time getting the liquid out of your lungs.

“Perfect, sweetheart. Just keep coughing. Get it all out.” Dean’s calloused hands rubbed up and down your back as you continued to hack and splutter more and more water onto the linoleum floor. Finally, the coughing seemed to subside, but your breaths were still labored. “Think you can walk?”

You shook your head. “No…it hurts.”

“What hurts?”

“Everything,” you whined, flopping back onto your back. You still felt like you had water in your lungs, but no more would come up. As you lay down, you felt your eyes droop again until Dean jostled you. You frowned. “Sleepy.”

“I know, but you’ve gotta stay awake. We’re going to get you to the hospital. Just stay with me, alright?” His arms picked you up and held you close to him, and he carried you towards the door, bridal style. Sam opened the door for him, and the two practically sprinted to the car. Sam wasted no time starting the car as Dean climbed into the back seat with you. When your eyes became heavy, Dean cupped your cheek, forcing you to look at him. “You’ve gotta keep your eyes open. We’re almost there, I promise.”

“Dean,” you cried, tears pricking your eyes. “I’m sorry.”

He gave you a forced smile, wiping away your tears with his thumbs. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.”

“I got hurt.” You began to sob, but the only sound that came out was a wheeze which forced you into another coughing fit. You noticed Dean urge Sam to go faster, and you gripped onto his shirt, grabbing his attention back to you. “This wasn’t your fault.”

“Let’s not talk about it now.”

You wrenched your grip on his shirt to force him closer to you, and the determined gaze in your eyes gave him no choice but to listen. “Don’t blame yourself.”

He struggled to form any words, too terrified of your prognosis and surprised by your willpower. When another fit of coughs wracked your body, he was startled out of his stupor and tried to help you regain your breaths, but you fell into unconsciousness once again.

~~~

A thin blanket was wrapped around you when you woke up, and when you opened your eyes, the bright fluorescents and beeping alerted you to the fact that you were in the hospital. The drowsiness and confusion were still plaguing your mind, causing you to have difficulty fully remembering how you had gotten there. You remembered being at the store, then the nixie, and then…

Dean. Where is he?

You bolted up, wincing when the IV in your arm moved in a way you weren’t expecting. Your eyes darted around your hospital room, but the space was completely empty. The blankets were quickly discarded, and the pulse oximeter on your finger slipped off, causing the monitors to emit a continuous beep. You grabbed the IV stand by your bed and heaved yourself towards the door.

However, you barely got a few steps before you felt too weak to go further, and a nurse from outside noticed you and urged you back into bed. “You shouldn’t be up and moving just yet, and you’re still weak from the drowning.”

“The men who brought me here, where are they?” Your speech was slurred, but you’d be damned if you weren’t going to find out. “I want to see them.”

“You were dropped off by the ER doors,” the nurse explained. Her face showed immense pity, and rather than feeling despondent, her pity only made your blood boil. She noticed your agitation and quickly put the pulse oximeter back on before stepping back. “We weren’t able to see who left you on the cameras. The detective assigned to your case will probably be by to see you soon since you’ve woken up.”

You quirked a brow. “A detective? What for?”

“For your drowning,” she answered, and your confusion only seemed to cause her concern to grow. “Are you feeling any confusion or disorientation? It’s a common side-effect after a drowning.”

“I’m fine. And my drowning wasn’t a crime. I fell into the river, and some friends had to fish me out. They were probably too nervous about coming in because they had been drinking.”

“Oh. You’re sure?”

“Positive. They were probably just worried about a DUI, but an ambulance would have taken longer than just driving me here themselves.”

She nodded, knowing that the river did pass by just a few minutes from the hospital. “I’ll inform the detective then. He may still want to speak with you.”

“That’s fine, but…” You patted your pockets only to realize you were clad in a hospital gown. You looked around at the nightstand at the side of your bed to see it was barren. “Where’s my phone?”

She took note of your vitals before answering your question, suddenly very intent on the business at hand. “It’s with your patient belongings. Top drawer of the nightstand.” The nurse sent one last smile your way with a final keystroke on the computer by your bed. “Well, I’m glad you’re awake. Someone will be back to check on you in an hour, and the doctor should be around to go over your prognosis with you.”

“Thank you,” you weakly answered, and then she was gone. You breathed a sigh of relief and struggled to reach the drawer. However, when you did, you quickly grabbed your phone and opened the contacts, immediately heading to the ‘H’ section.

You called him once. Twice. Three times. The fourth time you got his voicemail, you let your phone fall beside you on the bed, hot and angry tears falling down your cheeks.

Why? Why did we go through all of this for nothing?

~~~

Continue on to Part Seven ->

[estrel]

for #spnprideweek day 1: coming out + flags

↳ summary: cas tells sam a secret that he hasn’t (really) told anybody else. surprisingly, sam has one too.  PRIDE series | gen, sam & cas | word count: 1.7k

[READ ON AO3]

Sam’s grimacing a little at the grease from the fries on Cas’ plate. Cas would usually make a comment, here, about Sam keeping his eyes on his own paper, or that it isn’t nearly as bad as the veggie burger sitting on his plate at Sam’s behest. This is the recompense, Cas wants to say, but his mouth is dry and no words are coming out even if he wants them to.

Accompanying the inability to speak is the twisting feeling in his gut that won’t even allow him to pick up the burger. The smell is too much, too, and Cas hates to admit it but it’s probably the grease, so he sits back a little against the peeling seat of the booth to calm his nerves.

It’s just Sam. He can do this. It’s only that this is the first time he’s telling anyone, and that definitely ups the stakes a little.

Well, that’s somewhat of a lie. Cas had told the nice woman at the grocery store check out last week when he’d seen her little pin on her work uniform and asked where he could get one. 

He hadn’t actually bought one, of course, but Cas eyed the small bin full of brightly colored pins on the way out, convincing himself it was stupid to get back in line again for something so small and inexpensive. Still, he’d thought about it on the drive back to the Bunker, and that night in his bed, and the full week following, up until now. 

Now, Sam was looking at him with concern, and wiping his mouth in that way that means he’s about to get serious.

“Is everything alright?” he asks, pointedly looking down at Cas’ loaded plate. He’d barely taken a bite, except for a few nibbles of his admittedly greasy fries. And it was weird because since becoming human, Cas' appetite had grown considerably, much to Dean's delight.

And—Dean. That's what this was all about, wasn't it? Sure, it was more than just Dean, it was all the humans that had made Cas' body ache like it hadn't before, had made him think of what it means to be in this vessel—his body—and be attracted to other...humans.

It was odd. In hindsight, things in Heaven had been so much easier in this regard. Cas had spent most of his life clueless to the capabilities of human attraction, and then he met Dean and it all came crashing down around him. Only then, Cas was ignoring it. He was facing the other way, because though he felt human, he wasn't. Not really.

But everything is different now.

Cas clears his throat.

"Well," he starts, "no. I am feeling what I believe you’d call...anxiety. My stomach hurts, I find I'm unable to eat, a-and my hands are—"

"Cas," Sam interrupts. Shaking. Cas' hands are shaking.

Sam's fully set his fork and knife down now, hands clasped together on the edge of the table. "Talk to me."

Cas licks his dry lips.

"It’s not...it isn’t a big deal, really,” and yet Cas can feel his heart hammering in his chest. He sucks in a breath. “But I’m, uh. I wanted to tell you that...I like men.”

Sam’s expression doesn’t change, but he blinks at Cas once from across the table.

“Okay.”

Cas raises an eyebrow, pulse slowing down a little with his next exhale. “Okay?”

Maybe it was that simple, and Cas was worrying over nothing. It’s just...this feels like it should be bigger. Earth-shattering. Like Sam should either hug him or tell him he never wants to speak to Cas again.

Instead, he just shrugs, picks up his fork and pushes bits of his salad around his plate.

But then Cas’ gaze moves to Sam’s face and...Sam’s frowning. Cas feels his heart thumping hard again, waiting for the ball to drop. It feels a little like when Dean sat him down to “talk,” right after he lost his powers, and, well. Cas knew how that had ended. He braces himself for the worst, schools his features to something more neutral.

“I’m,” Sam clears his throat, “I’m sorry you got nervous over all of that. I-I get that coming out is...” he laughs, “usually a bigger deal, but. You don’t have to worry with me, you know? I get it.”

That makes Cas pause. “You...do?”

Now Sam’s looking at him, eyes a little wide, but he works his jaw and gets the words out. “Yeah. Uh... well I guess now’s a good a time as any to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

The fork is set back down again. The bell over the diner door jingles. 

“In college...you know about Jess,” Sam says, jogging Cas’ memory. He knows, so he nods and Sam continues, “Well we uh. We actually met in a Gender Studies class. I thought, ‘pff, easy A,’ but it was actually way more complex than I originally thought, so she kind of...tutored me.” Cas raises an eyebrow, and Sam rolls his eyes.

“Actually tutored me. Whatever. Point is, I learned a lot—‘cause she was a great teacher—and...not just about the class, but about myself, too.” 

Cas nods slowly, beginning to catch Sam’s drift. “Okay...”

Despite his tone, Sam’s posture stiffens a little, like he’s uncomfortable, or not really used to this type of conversation. Cas does his best to relax into his seat to ease him, unfolding his arms.

“What I’m saying is,” Sam shrugs, “I’m...not...cis. Like, I don’t....I’m not um, a guy, I guess. Well, sort of. I’m non-binary.”

Cas is silent for a second, mulling it over in his head. Eventually it becomes long enough for Sam to say, “Uh...you know what? You can forget it, man—”

“No!” Cas says, almost knocking over his plate in the process. The silverware clatters as it falls onto the table, and Sam flinches a little. “I was just thinking...I want to apologize if anything I’ve said about your gender has ever made you uncomfortable, or if you—”

Sam’s out-facing palm makes Cas stutter to a stop. There’s a weird guilt settling in the pit of his stomach, and the anxiety that he’d thought was gone is back full force again. Cas tears off a piece of his napkin.

“Cas, dude. Calm down,” Sam laughs. He takes a deep breath, and Cas follows his lead. They breathe in and out together for a beat, and when Cas feels fairly calmer, Sam pushes both of their plates aside.

“There’s no need to apologize for something you couldn’t have known about,” he starts, shaking his head a little, “and you haven’t done anything wrong, either. I still use he and him pronouns, and sometimes they and them. And besides, it’s not like I go around telling people. Especially with, uh, the way I was raised...I’ve been hesitant, you know? It was great in college, people were really supportive when I told them. But then when I started hunting again...I don’t know. 

“My dad...uh. I tried telling him, once. Didn’t go too well, so I didn’t try it again. I think that’s why Dean...” he shakes his head, frowning down at the table again. “It wasn’t easy, growing up the way we did. You could probably understand that.”

Cas nods. Under the table, his napkin is shredded into bits. 

“I do. I think, in a way, I also understand being trans.” Sam jerks their head up, intrigued. 

“Angels...we don’t experience gender the same way humans do. In fact, the concept is entirely nonexistent in Heaven. So, when we take vessels...”

“You’re essentially defining yourself,” Sam says in awe. It makes Cas smile to see them back in their element, leaning forward a little to listen better. “I never thought about it that way, not really.”

Cas shrugs. “I’m not sure all of my siblings did, either. Many chose according to which vessel would best suit them and their form. That was definitely a factor in me choosing Jimmy, but I also found the thought of looking like a human man...greatly appealing.”

Sam’s nodding now, gaze darting to different parts of the table. Cas knows that means they’re mentally crafting an essay right about now, or thinking of what books in the Bunker might further help in their research about it.

“Wow,” he says, “that’s—I mean. Wow, Cas. Thanks for telling me that. And uh, the other thing.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

There’s a comfortable silence between them now, and Cas takes it as an opportunity to sip from his slightly-melted iced tea. 

“So,” Sam starts again slowly, “have you told Dean?”

Cas sucks in another deep breath, and Sam nods. “Yeah,” he says, “me neither.”

It surprises Cas a little that Sam hasn’t told him, and he expresses that with an inquiring eyebrow. 

Sam purses his lips and dodges the unspoken question. “Dean’s not a bad guy. You probably know that better than anyone except me. You know he’d still love you if you told him.”

Cas’ heart pounds at the mention of the word. When Sam notices, he feels his ears begin to heat with a blush. 

“Oh,” Sam smiles, “that. I figured. For a while now, but I didn’t wanna say anything.”

Cas tries to will away the heat on his face. He doesn’t say anything, so Sam leaves it be.

The waitress gives them a worried look when she brings the check, eyeing their barely touched plates. They both smile apologetically, insisting that their food was “great” when she whisks it away.

On their way back home, Cas asks if Sam can stop at the store. They don’t ask anything more than, “we need groceries that bad?” and Cas dips inside. He knows this is just like any other grocery run—going in and out as quick as possible with the things they need—yet his heart hammers all the same when he stops in front of the bin near the door. The same employee from last week is working on lane six, and he’s sure to check out at that one with his goods. She gives him a knowing smile.

Cas flops into the passenger seat, a little out of breath.

“That was fast,” Sam starts to say, before noticing Cas’ lack of grocery bags. “Dude. What d’you buy, air?”

Instead, Cas brandishes two brightly colored pins. Sam tentatively takes the yellow, white, purple, and black one, eyes wide.

“For me?” they ask.

Cas smiles, running his thumb over the rainbow one in his hand. 

“For both of us,” he says.

[@spnprideweek]