#day 5: i love you that will never change
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introspectivememories · 9 months ago
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too many of you guys think nico is the loser and not lewis for letting the divorce go on for so long. like they're both losers about each other. emotionally constipated idiots who can't talk about their toxic homoerotic friendship that imploded on itself like 8 years ago and are now making it everyone else's problem. yeah nico's on television or in beer gardens talking about lewis all the time but like every other month some reporter is like "lewis, what's your favorite moment in your career?" and lewis no hesitation is like "oh man, karting, y'know? everything was simpler then" and then spends another six months skirting around nico's name. like this whole thing they're doing in the media isn't some kinda extended foreplay for them. they're both still pressing on the bruise to make sure it's still there!!! every few months, they're literally just asking on public television, does it still hurt for you like it does for me? and like clockwork, someone will release new information about them or one of them will say something about each other (in my heart, he's still my best friend/yes... and teammate) and the answer will remain the same, yes, of course, always.
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sovonight · 2 years ago
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surviving on drawing/writing the barest scaffolding and filling in the rest of the blanks in my mind
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itspileofgoodthings · 7 months ago
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Porfiry telling Raskolnikov that at least he was honest and in one bound took the furthest leap to put his theory to the test of actual action——
#Taylor believing a man who is obviously lying to her#like. it’s fascinating to me how they’ll say anything to her and she’ll be like ‘okay let’s go’#she’s never read Jane Austen and it shows. but that’s okay because she’s the character in an Austen novel#she has no sense of self-preservation she has no common sense when it comes to love#and the reason I have endless patience for that is because she IS different. she is extraordinary. she is WEIRD. she’s so needy#so angry so fragile so stupid so brilliant so completely helpless#like the bolter———I can’t even LOOK at it right now#because you know she was like this since she was 5 and SHE knows it#just so. Different. so strange. I mean she ruled her family with an iron fist from the age of 11#and her packaging is so basic and she she had so much access to everything anyone could want#so there are none of the usual marks of someone being so Different#but like. people HATED her from day one. you know her own strength of personality was drawing out many people’s hatred or envy#and she’s so helpless in her own personality because she can never change#like thank you aimee? or whatever? heck yeah there was some girl who bullied her and brutalized her on the playground#and you know it devastated Taylor from day one and still does#and it’s just. I don’t know how people can’t see that someone with that extraordinary set of gifts#wouldn’t also suffer in such an extraordinary way#and ways that elicit so much scorn and non-sympathy because people are unsettled and jealous and annoyed by her#because she WILL find a way to win#but isn’t that proof enough that she is the very OPPOSITE OF NORMAL#it’s why people have to be like ‘oh she sold her soul to the devil for this success.’ or whatever the psy-op spy thing is#because there’s no human way to explain her success if she really were as basic/talentless as people say#ugh this is all so incoherent and irritating and I’m so sorry but I just. I cannot explain how protective my heart is of her#and all the many many mistakes she’s made and the prisons she’s made for herself because she’s LIVING the tragedy#of never having denied herself one time/getting everything she wants#and discovering the poison at the bottom of everything she reached for with desperate hands#like. I love her so much and I am so protective of her because she is so helpless and she is getting shot in the face every time#and she feels every blow!#whew I need to turn off reblogs and will probably delete but I just#this album is all of her spilled out and people DO hate to see it because a lot of people hate her!!!!
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miodiodavinci · 7 months ago
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about the packaged au, i've never really seen their full designs other than Kyo and smol Kyo [guitar was it?] where are they?? can i see them??
A H you can find most of the stuff related to it by heading here, but if you're interested in the designs Specifically here's the original post where i shared those for the gang w
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hauntingblue · 3 days ago
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AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH WE GOT ARCANEEEEEEEEEE
#MY GOOOOOD JAYCE MAKING VIKTOR?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?! AND OG COURSE CAITS MOM OOOOOF#cant believe were getting angsty caitvi breakup music video second thing in the show aldjaksk they got PRIORITIES#CAIT AND MEL WHEN TWO QUEENS JOIN THEIR POWER TO MAXIMIZE THEIR JOINT SLAY#vi just at caits house all this time.... like probably a week at most but akdhsksnsl#cait hasnt shed a single tear its going down down#oh wow......... yes she didnt think but whats worse is that vi will end up accepting WHYYY#vi will change the enforcers from the inside.....no fucking way qkdhaksjska#YEEEEEEEEESSSS CAITLYYYYYYNNNNNNN#VIIIIIIIIIIIIII#did ambessa really orchestrate the attack with the underground??? no fucking way but that would make so much sense#damn what did caitlyn see in that computer bc she switched up quick!!! and vi too!!! she went from call off the attack to ill join them#well of course the attack changed theit minds but vi still said to call off the ttack after that....#ALSO vi wiping off caits tears.... caitlyn just crying on her chest like throwing herself on her.... no kiss even yet.... but i like this#i love the tension..... the courting you would call it#what will viktor think when he comes back wrong (FOR SURE) because of jayce when he was soooo accepting of his death... kind of#like he knew he was gonna die and he did what he could with the hextech but i think it was not out of desperation#it was just ambition bc thats what he can do... jayce became councilor bc of ambition and viktor kinda saved his own life#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2#everybody going thru it in the intro credits and ekko just doing flips akdhaksnsla#jayce hiding from the spotlight.... NOW??? Also viktor is givning diavolo vibes in the jojo 5 intro too aldjaksjksnsl slay#sevika defending jinx.... never thought i would see the day#they did NOT orchestrate the attack look at this mess#OF COURSE SKY IS IN THE HEXTECH!!!! OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH THE VOICES VIKTOR!!! LISTEN TO THEM!!!#jayce promised to destroy it omggg of course....... the confession......#it was affection that held us together..... what are we..... christ why is he so serene and logical.... the hexcore yeah#viktor will bring a class war the likes weve never seen#jinx has claggors googles.... which vi has after the timeskip.....#they are here..... and that arm is gonna cost sevika dlahdksns viktor savior of the underground... i used to pray for times like these....
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cunninghamchrissie · 1 month ago
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i'm stuck in limbo and i can't get out and i'm tired of being told i should just try harder
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ame-to-ame · 4 months ago
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year ago
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Current temperature inside of my room right now in the middle of the night whilst about to go to sleep... villain origin story...
#You just get SOOOOO tired of being hot all the time for multiple days straight.. with very little relief ever... hhHHHH#I forget that I literally lose my mind and become evil every summer like clockwork#I don't evenknow what I mean by that because I'm just as calm/monotone as ever lol.. but I just feel more evil.. low level pent up rage#or something. nothing changes on the outside but on the inside it's like hmm.. I'm like 5% more hostile than I usually am#not outwardly expressed still of course. but just.. my bones are made of a little more violence recently..#percentages moving around. My character stats get a temporary modifier all summer where I feel chronically just a LIIIITLE more noticably#unhinged. like I will never do it of course. but I will think about. maybe I'll just throw all the plates at the wall and break every wind#ow with a baseball bat. No. I shant. I would never.. but .. I could. 5% more than I usually could. But I shan't. but let it be known.. I#c o u l d ...i COULD.. if I had to. but I don't.. but still.. keep the notion in the back of the mind.. hmm.. lol#And this is not even during a heat wave at the moment it's just like.. normal summer.. >:')#I think it's also largely the shitty apartment which was not built for coolness. Like older houses will have tall cielings and those window#above the doors and ceiling fans and be built high up from the ground and all these other ways to manage warm weather#naturally. but cheaply constructed dinky city apartments with no ventilation and windows only on one side and blah blah#It retains heat insanely like being trapped in a green house or something#even with all the windows open & fans in the house and stuff it just doesn't really move air well because the space is not made to do that.#Also really testing my anticapitalism/leftism/etc... sitting and thinking 'damn maybe I should play the stock market.. I should sell#some sculptures and overprice them.. howmuch could I charge for these clothes..' < *is desperate to afford a living situation with central#heating and air conditioning*#Haha! Guillotines?? who said anything about those? I LOVE rich people.. haha.. now what's a guy gotta do to instantly get about $50.000 ar#ound here? haha! kidnap someone and sell their organs? okay haha! I love the free market! going to home depot right#now to buy an axe! Don't you just hate taxes? so glad I live in the best country in the world under the best economic system on the planet#USA! USA!! USA!!! *visibly shaking. nose starts bleeding. you notice i am also levitating off the ground slightly*#ANYWAY gfgfgh.... winter......... my sweet child....i miss you so so much.... SUMMER you are my ENEMY#ah well now it's gone down to 80.4 Farenheight. cancel post. thats such an improvemtn surely I'll be able to sleep soundly now /s#what was I ever worried about? it's all good! haha!! *still levitating a little *#In better news - I have finished the Victorian Pharmacy documentary series and am now watching them build a medieval castle! and one of my#goofy joke song snippets suddenly got 6.000 views on youtube which was cool?? though very random? I made kale chips again. and had asparag#us. And saw a duck. carved a lot of things out of avocado pits. Little tidbits to keep me sane..#See a funny little duck outside and go 'hmm... life is okay actually :) I no longer want to break windows :3'#then it gets like 85F inside again and you're liek NEVERMINDaaaaaaahhh!!!!! then you see a duck next morning and calm down :)
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lorisystem · 1 year ago
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The nicest person in the world is the lady who helped me tie my shoes at 5ish years old so i could go play during recess. (I elaborated in the tags but theyre fairly long,,) -???
#ive already told this story to some people but i love to tell it.#ok so when i was young i only wore velcro shoes bc i couldnt tie laces.#even now i havent learned the proper knot that literally everybody has learned. idk why i just cant commit it to memory but to be fair#i havent tried to learn it in years bc now i learned a different way to tie my shoes which takes longer so everybody is always like why do#you take so long tying your shoes.#but anyway this story is when i was around 5 maybe younger or maybe older but max 7 yrs old.#my mom only bought me velcro shoes since i couldnt learn how to tie my shoes normally and at some point trying to learn made me so#frustrated i just refused to try and cried etc.#so anyway in my old school there was this weird rule ive never seen anywhere else that we had to use other shoes in the class#i guess to avoid dirtying the floors or something.#and one time my mom bought me new shoes with laces and threw my old shoes probably thinking id have to learn it. i didnt lol.#so she tied my shoes in the morning and then i went to school changed shoes and like i had to like. put back my lace shoes on to go outside#for recess. now get that the teacher hated me. not sure why you would hate a child this age. but she was usually mean to me.#so when she saw this issue she was rlly annoyed and told me so and like the first few days she tied my shoes so i could go outside.#and idk after 2 or 3 times she got rlly tired of doing it and said i had to do it by myself. and she just like fucking left and went outside#leaving me alone on the staircase.#and now this building had a 2nd story which was like a house or flat where people lived. and they were totally unrelated to the school afaik#but the lady was always rlly nice. so she happened to be going down to go outside and about her day and she saw me crying by myself on the#staircase and said whats wrong and i told her i cant tie my shoes and she just helped me and consoled me and then i could go.#anyway she was an angel to me.#its hitting me now as i tell this that when i was a child many of the adults around me were really mean#so i really imprinted on nice adults like i thought they were really amazing and the best people ever.#anyway thank you for reading my story!!#lorisys
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IGNORE ME I'M SORRY I KEEP TALKING ABT IT i'm just so not used to my cat not being around and it kinda kills me inside to not hear him walking around or meowing or sleeping at the bottom of the staircase anymore... it used to be like a nightly routine where i'd go downstairs and make myself a drink and give him some water and now i just. don't even wanna go down there anymore.
#you really underestimate how different things will be when they're gone. 18 years of learning his new routines and favorite places to nap#and it's just all. gone. not like i didn't experience it but just the fact that i will never experience it with him again... it's so hard#& that's like the last vestige of my childhood gone too. i mean i got my current dog when i was around 13/14 and she's gettin' up there too#so it's just like. my life dropped out from under me and i'm desperately clinging to what is left but there's not much#everything feels so hollow and i don't know hoe to vocalize that because my family is always trying so hard to heal and i don't want to#make their grief process any harder by accidentally awakening the same latent feelings in them. or whatever#i just miss him so so much but i know we made the right choice. he was old and we had a lot of good years together and we saved him from#spending his last few days in suffering by ending his pain early and offering him as much love and warmth and comfort as we could#and i know he appreaciated it and i know he loves us all and like that's not the part i have issue with#it's just. his lack of presence. i don't deny that his ghost may be around (my famjly is very spiritual like that and i have heard him) but#physically he's gone forever except for chunks of his fur and whatever else is laying around#loss is just so fucking unfair because it's completely understandable and makes total sense but it will never ever be unable to be felt...#idk. i'm just exhausted and sad and i miss my little guy. hell i still miss my dog and that happened like 5 years ago#love never goes away it just changes shaoe and makes you really really sad and kinda wanna kill youself but that would make THEM sad#so. you gotta live. you gotta be brave.
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lilgynt · 11 months ago
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i will sob my brains out at 5 am remembering events from this year and also christmas last year and being annoyingly petty and unable to let go of relatively small comments just bc i’m sensitive and raw and have a complex
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girlscience · 2 years ago
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@people who have a stable sense of self and identity, what's that's like? how's it feel to be beloved by the universe?
#people who say shit like 'i knew i was [insert identity here] when i was 5 or 12 or whatever' i wish i was you#i have been flip flopping on this shit as long as i can remember#and it's not like it's new feelings i'm flip flopping about? it literally like the same exact emotion every god damn time#and my internal idk sense of self really doesn't change much but which piece my brain thinks is important does?#i don't know if that makes sense#like... i would never say that some mornings i wake up and feel zero attraction to women but some days i do think i've made it up#or like some days i think maybe i am attracted to men but i just never want to date or marry or be in any sort of romantic relationship#with a man... i just don't hate dicks and could theoretically have sex with a man... and like some fictional men are pretty.#and i had one crush on a guy when i was like 12... but i also was incredibly jealous of him and hated myself because i was female#and i would never get to be him#but then i'm like does it matter that i don't want to date men? i am not sure i want to date at all?#except i kind of would like to date a very specific tyler of woman in a very specific type of relationship#and i do genuinely think i would love that so much and sometimes i want it so bad i physically ache#but i don't feel that way about men. but the one guy i had a crush on i did when i was 14 or whatever#but also people talk about all these experiences they had as a kid with being gay in the church and how hard it was#and sure i had a hard time but it wasn't very hard to hide it from everyone so like i didn't face a ton of shit other people have#so like does it really count?#maybe i'm just making all of it up and i'm just straight and lying to myself about everything#but i've known i found women attractive since i was very young#and not to be tmi but until i was presented with outside information about sex with men i only pictured myself having sex with women#because the idea of piv sex literally doesn't compute at all in my brain#i genuinely think i would rather die than let anyone stick their dick inside my body#and i used to have legitimate panic attacks about having to marry a man and have sex with him because i felt like i had to#and i know all of this is super super cis centric but i'm going to be so honest. adding in trans identities when trying to figure this out#has only made it significantly more complicated in my brain#and i feel shitty about that but it's true and i don't know what to do about that#and i could keep going on and on about the fact i'm 99% sure i'm stone which also confuses things#because i can find stuff about being a stone butch lesbian but if i am bi.... i have literally never seen anything about being stone#with a man before. literally never.#but also does it matter? because i might be a lesbian since i am very uncomfortable with the idea of romancing a man in any way
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bethiewhimsy · 1 year ago
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overwhelmed with my love for bsd this fine day
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tokifanclub · 2 years ago
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PSA
#this is NOT about any of my followers/mutuals#this is NOT about people who are talkinv to their friends less because they're actually tired/busy/depressed#this isnt even about perceived abandonment due to abandonment issues when really your friends still like you#this post is about a SPECIFIC trend#where someone will lie to you and say nothing has changed in yalls relationship when it is CLEAR theyve lost interest#ex: i once had a boyfriend who got really quiet and distant and when i asked what was up he would tell me nothing was up#nothing had changed and he still loved me#he broke up with me two weeks later. turned out her was cheating on me the whole time#ex 2: a good friend stopped talking to me almost entirely. i ask whats up. he said nothings up and we're still best friends#he had a girlfriend! and now that he had a girlfriend he didnt want to talk to me anymore#one day he just quietly stopped responding all together. without ever admitting anything was different or wrong#ex 3: all the friends i had in middle school that would swear up and down they wanted to hang out#before shooting down every single hang out plan i ever made until i just gave up#ex 4: the friends in middle school who BLOCKED ME without ever letting me know and would still hang out with me during school#ex 5: my friends boyfriend who all the sudden barely texted her ever and when she asked why he said he was busy or tired or depressed#and that he'd start texting her more#he never did#AND HE WAS CHEATING ON HER THE WHOLE TIME#ex 6: my friends girlfriend who used to text her all the time and all the sudden nothing#said she was just depressed#turns out she has a new girlfriend!#this post is NOT ABOUT people who are legitimately tired or busy or depressed!!!!#its about people who practice quiet quitting with friendships#to reiterate#IF YOU DO THIS YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE#and you need to be honest with the people in your life and stop wasting everyone's time
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jankwritten · 2 years ago
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Actually, I don't think I'll be altering it, necessarily. I think that what I'm going to do is exactly what the show did - some Fuckshit that allows People to Come Back. Because Altea randomly reappears, and I think that Allura's energy should be allowed to come back too. The episode is titled The End Is the Beginning. I call bullshit that the lions just DISAPPEAR. I call bullshit that there is no more need for a defender of the universe. ALL realities were reestablished, and we had SOLID PROOF that all it took was one person, one event, for everything that happened to happen again. There would still be war. There would still be need for something like Voltron, even with the Atlas and the next generation of fighters. Even if it's not the current paladins - Voltron shouldn't just disappear. That ending is dumb, sorry.
That being said - holy shit. I genuinely loved that whole experience and I feel kind of bad for the people who let expectations and silly plot points blot out the whole show for them. Was it dumb at times? Yeah. Do I agree with the way that things went and how it ended? No! But that doesn't mean the show itself sucks or anything like that. This is the whole reason fandom spaces exist, or, part of the reason: so people can love the source material, and change what they don't, if need be. Like, that's the whole reason fanfiction exists IMO.
So, uh, anyway. If anybody has a pirated copy of VLD just lying around and uh....wants to just kick that my way in case it ever gets demolished off the internet.......i would love you forever and ever LMAO.
Wow. Just wow.
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inkskinned · 4 months ago
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they will need to whipstitch the wound closed, but embroidery is a "woman's" task. they will need to eat and clean and mend clothes, but why learn basic things when you can have a woman measure out your life in beads. he will be the "head" of your house, but if you want him to act accordingly, you must assign him a list of all applicable activities. you will be otherwise constantly in charge of almost-everything; so he will lead the house he is absent from.
in movies and books, the "cool" girl will be more-like-a-man. she will be "less boring," more "fun". she will have masculine ideas and masculine talents, which means a man doesn't have to change in order to find her fascinating. she will disdain of something as simple as stitching. how boring!
she will kick open the door of a car and quip what, girls can't drive? and flip her long hair down one side. she will grill and shoot a gun and skydive. be a guy. she will be sexualized.
somewhere, working on computers becomes a masculine task, and now on tv a gen-z disney character throws her hands up in the air. i can't be a computer science nerd, i'm a girl! in the real life, she will be unable to sit through some of her classes, shivering when she realizes she is the only woman present in several of them.
how many times have you read this book and seen this show and watched this movie. the singular woman is allowed 5 lines because she's not just smart! she's also pretty! she is surrounded by 20 average men, but she is stunning. she is the exception to the bland, pale lives of women-at-home, who will never be shown. she likes dirt and motorbikes and blood and shows up in a tiny dress during the final scene, rolling her eyes at our male lead's incredulity - just because i like motorcross doesn't mean anything. i'm still a woman, okay? i actually like shopping.
it is almost never reversed, and you think about that often. it is vanishingly rare to have a single man in a cast of women. the male love interest does not show up at a feminist march and sardonically squint at our leading lady - what? you thought only women care about human rights? he does not know how to balance a checkbook or kickbox because i grew up with three sisters.
when he cooks he is a chef, which is sexy. when he cleans, he's being kind, genteel. when he nurtures his family, confetti rains from the ceiling. when she does these things: it is her duty and her identity. what do you mean she has other passions and hobbies? isn't her hobby and passion homemaking?
the other day a friend embroidered a seam closed on your jacket into the shape of ivy. every time you touch it, you think of her.
something about women's hobbies and art and skills. something about women's work.
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