#day 20 of no adhd med refill

[kenobster]

how much of my life can the drug enforcement administration destroy in three weeks

[a-is-away]

eight step guide on how to study (as a third year pre-med student with ADHD and a 4.0)

welcome to my step by step guide on how to study. i have a love-hate relationship with studying, but this is what works to get me going. getting started is the hardest part, i promise.

step one: prep your space. get a glass of water or coffee or energy drink and make sure you have everything you need out and ready. throw your phone across the room or just put it out of sight. you will forget that other fun things exist (like tik tok) if you cannot see it. out of sight, out of mind.

step two: sit at your desk (or table or a general designated study space with a chair). studying in bed never works like you think it will and studying on the floor (while enriching) will do nothing but hurt your back from hunching over. sitting at your desk makes you feel much more productive (most of my study sessions start by just forcing myself to sit in my chair).

step three: put some music or ambience on. if i need to use my brain more i'll opt for some fantasy-themed forest ambience or sci-fi droning sounds. your brain is tricked into thinking that you're having fun if music is on, but plot twist! you're actually being productive. music i turn to is soft piano, video game soundtracks (genshin, undertale, minecraft, stardew valley) or lofi, but your mileage may vary. DO NOT do music with words unless you want to be distracted.

step four: make a list of need-to-dos and rank them based on priority and time. start by doing an activity that will take a short amount of time. by completing a short to-do, it builds the motivation to keep going.

step five: start a study timer. i bought a physical study timer that is so satisfying to wind and set and watch the time tick by, but a desktop one works just fine. set your timer based on how much energy you have. some days i go for 60 minutes, some days i do 25, it all just depends. as a study session goes on, it's normal for your amount of energy to go down. i may do 60-45-30-20 then take a long break. know thyself and thine needs!

step six: lock in. do not think about what you are doing, simply do it. do it before your brain has the chance to convince you it doesn't like what you're doing.

step seven: take regular, controlled, and useful breaks. do not start an activity on your break that will break your flow. walk around, stretch, check your phone, refill your drink, have a snack. reward yourself! you're doing great, i promise.

step eight: long break. do something that will rest your mind. maybe watch youtube, eat a meal, play a video game, read a few chapters of a book. be proud of the work you've accomplished.

i hope this helps! happy studying!

[dogstarblues]

today's accomplishments

showered

loaded the dishwasher

washed my face

did step 1 of my skincare routine. trying to start it back up again

only smoked 2 cigarettes so far; i've been rationing them, trying to slow down

read 20% of a book despite lack of adhd meds meaning i was distracted to shit

drank 3 cups of tea today

snacked for most of the day, mindfully

went to the grocery store to get more types of tea and refill one type that i only had one bag left of

checked the mail

did some writing in the morning

relaxed my hands

read some more of an isekai webcomic for genre research

[itsgirlcraft]

God, HOW did you know, Tumblr? How did you know I just got my meds refilled?!

Forgive me if this is more of a vent than informative, but this is probably the best place for this...

I...God, the past week was INSANE and it's all because of this. Because I'm diagnosed with ADHD and have a therapist and my pharmacy just. They didn't even have it. My mom was too stressed 2 weeks ago, so I had to call the pharmacy myself. But I didn't know what to do with that information. I don't even have my doctor's number.

I was already knee-deep in college work and couldn't take days off from my medication. I've managed to scrape together 3 pills over the past several months, just in case. And I had to use every last one last week. I barely got a week's worth of work done in two days. And then I used my last pill to try to enjoy Halloween. And I did! I did have fun! I did enjoy it! But I went to bed at midnight...and I had quite possibly the worst possible mental health episode I've ever had the next day.

Last Friday was the closest to depression I've ever been in months, years, even. Between being unmedicated, sleep-deprived, menstruating, and the anxiety of college constantly on my peripheral, I was in the worst state I've ever been in. I can't shower while unmedicated due to overstimulation, and I was already 4 or 5 days overdue for one.

I'm used to being more tired and anxious when unmedicated, but this was something worse. I was too tense to lay down, too tired to stand, and too anxious to be alone with my thoughts. The only coherent thoughts I had were my anxiety. Periodically I would break down crying as I realized how helpless I was to the passage of time, knowing I'd need to do college work soon again. I didn't know if my medication would ever come, and if I may have to drop out.

Two weeks ago, I'd had a severe anxiety attack that came back repeatedly, related to college. I was scared I wouldn't be able to do the reading for both classes, and I'd have to drop out of (ironically) my psychology class. Running out of medication following that was the worst possible scenario for my mental health. That anxiety came back throughout the week I was unmedicated and crescendoed horrifically on Friday.

Like stormcloud, my life's improved with medication and diagnosis, but monthly prescriptions still creep up on me. I thankfully can handle offbrand medication just fine, but my pharmacy has a tendency to be incredibly unreliable. Even if I stay on top of it, despite everything, it's still likely that they somehow forget or are late again. I haven't been able to transfer to a different one nor get an actual doctor. I've been stuck with pediatrician despite being 20.

anyways can we start recognizing adhd as an actual and serious disorder that

can affect on functioning in every day life so badly that it interferes with taking care of very basic human needs

is not 10 yrs old white boy exclusive disorder

is not a fake disorder created to benefit medicine companies

definitely should not be reduced to “kid who cant sit still and wont stop screaming” stereotypes because adhd has a whole fuckton of symptoms ranging from serious memory issues to fine motor control difficulties

[alfea]

1.3,6,9,12,15,19,20,21,24,26,29,30,21,33,36,38,40,42,43,45,47 <333

1 do you wear makeup every day? why or why not?

no, i’m lazy and forgetful lmao

3 do you know what you would have been named if you were assigned a different sex at birth?

most likely miles

6 if you could keep any species of animal as a pet and have it be legal, which would you choose?

sugar glider. basic bitch answer

9 do you have a favourite piece of furniture?

my headboard, it’s got two levels of shelves on it

12 have you ever been on a cruise?

the very idea of a cruise is terrifying to me

15 when did you last make a phone call?

yesterday morning, i called to get a refill of my adhd meds

19 do you prefer pirates or ninjas?

i’ve always been more of a pirate girlie

20 if you could get an all-expense-paid week long trip to any city, where would you go?

probably los angeles, i would get to visit my best friend and also see what the atmosphere is like just in case i ever decide to move there for career reasons

21 what kind of flooring do you have in your bedroom?

shag carpet babey

24 if you woke up one day as another person, what’s the first thing you would do?

probably look for an id so i can figure out who i am now lmao

26 if you could cook any one thing perfectly every time, what would it be?

veal parmigiana my beloved

29 what was your favourite childhood stuffed animal and do you still have it?

lambie! she was a small pink lamb, she’s somewhere in my closet rn!

30 you don’t have to share what it is, but do you like your last name?

it’s fairly uninteresting but it’s decent

31 what is one song you’d like to never hear again?

hey soul sister. that song should never have existed in the first place

33 how many hair colours have you had?

seven i think? i may be forgetting one

36 what’s your usual chinese take-out order?

beef fried rice and wonton soup!

38 do you prefer candles or incense?

candles, incense makes me more nervous that i’ll knock it over on accident

40 if you could change your eye colour, would you? and if so, which colour would you change it to?

i think it would be sick to have red eyes

42 do you prefer vanilla or chocolate cake?

vanilla!

43 did you take any foreign language classes in school?

german in high school and japanese in college :)

45 do you know how to play poker?

no, i don’t think i ever learned

47 if you could instantly change one thing about your house/apartment, what would it be?

i wish the insulation in my room was better so it didn’t get so fucking hot in the summer

[sassypotatoe1]

To the pharmacist who had to refill my adhd meds yesterday even though your manager told you not to because the script was back dated and you couldn't get ahold of my doctor to confirm it's a real script I'm sorry I cried and became a little passive aggressive! I didn't want to be a white woman tears karen I was just actually upset because these meds literally keep me alive and functioning and I can't afford to go to my doctor every month to get a new script.

The medical aid plans that will cover my chronic medication and specialist visits is 3/4 of my salary and the medical aid plan I can afford doesn't cover my chronic medication or specialist visits so I end up having to pay for those out of pocket anyway on top of the premium. So I dumped the medical aid because it was a useless expense so now I have to limit even doctors visits.

I know you could get in trouble over back dated scripts, as you explained, and I am fully willing to just bring the blank scripts from now on so you can manually date them to avoid trouble, and I'm sorry I put you in a bad position. I already ran out 2 days ago and yesterday was hell on earth so I wasn't thinking clearly. It wasn't your fault and I have nothing against you for just doing your job, I just have the worst fucking adhd on the planet and off the meds I'm a mess. I barely survived the 20 years I wasn't on them (I have almost walked into a moving train, fallen down stairs and forgotten to eat for days at a time off my meds).

[skottandbehr]

i am SICK of having one day off a week and then when i complain about it my mom just brushes me off and says that’s what people have to do i am SICK of bringing drive up orders out to cars in 20 degree weather i am SICK of explaining to patients how med refills work even tho they go through the same exact fucking process every month i am SICK of being yelled at over the phone because we don’t have something in stock at target (something i can’t control) or adhd meds are back ordered and your kid needs them for school (something else i cant control) i am SICK of doing disgusting “cat and jack” returns of unwashed, stained, smelly clothes that kids grew out of so parents decide target will just take them back because apparently we’re a used clothes exchange store now i don’t want to work i am going to move to utah and become a fucking mormon and have 15 kids or something so i never have to work again i swear to god

[theaceofskulls]

Attempting to refill ADHD medication

Me: I've got about a week or two of meds left. Better put in an online refill request.

My insurance website: HOLD THE FUCK UP JUNKIE, THIS IS RESTRICTED SHIT. WE NEED TO CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE NOT INJECTING IT INTO YOUR EYES YOU SCUM. This request will take up to 2 business days.

Me: I've only been taking this for 20 years but fine, whatever.

[a whole ass week passes, the tracker shows the doctor hasn't approved it]

Me (@ the doctor): Hey what gives?

Nurse: We actually approved it immediately. You have to go through a phone call to fix it yourself.

Phone call AI Lady who I want to murder: (speaking in the slowest pace possible) Press 1 to do something our website does. Press 2 to do something our website does. Press 3 to do something our website does. Press 4 to get to the selections you need.

Me: 4

A machine made solely to inflict suffering: I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. You're stupid. Please try again.

Me: 4

This fucking computer: Okay, now tell me your birthdate.

Me: [I'm not giving you personal information in a vent post]

H̶̭͕̱͖͍̫̩̼͍̝̱̽̂́͜͜E̵̢͓̐̈́̽̔R̴̨̬̃̋͂̆̄̽̎̚͝: Okay I got [correct month and day], 2919. Is that correct?

Me: What no?!

I cannot overstate how much I'm turning into a Luddite: I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. Was this correct?

Me: N.o.

[skipping ahead]

Satan herself: Okay, we just need you to have your exact member number which you don't have memorized. You have 4 seconds.

Me: [searching my wallet]

The Audacity Itself: I'm sorry, I didn't understand that.

[skipping ahead]

Pharamacy rep I finally got after 30 minutes: Yeah it turns out that the doctor screwed up.

Me: Okay... so if i cancel this order and put in a new one, that should work.

Pharmacy rep: yeah that would work.

Me: Right so I'll just... It says I can't order this.

Pharmacy rep: Oh right, it's a restricted drug and you put in a recent order. I'll need to talk to your doctor. Can I call you back.

Me: I'd rather burn down the entire industry but failing that, sure.

[akitoscorpio]

Let me put it like this, your brain is two six lane freeways that are intersecting, and it's more or less high speed traffic all day every day.

ADHD medication, takes that mental intersection and adds some traffic lights to it so the cars don't crash into each other constantly.

It takes the ADHD brain and way of thinking, the swirling disorganized chaos of random thoughts, self distractions, day dreams. All of the other intrusive mind things that will blow your ability to concentrate on the task your trying to focus on clear out of the water because you really have about 20 things you'd rather be doing, and gives you the tool to focus. It puts up a stop sign to those side thoughts your fighting, and tells it to wait it's turn...

As someone currently on Azstarys, I can not actually describe how much calmer my brain is when I'm taking my medication to combat the ADHD side of this cluster fuck of a brain I have.

Edit: Adderall and by proxy other ADHD meds does have one massive problem, all the Tictok junkies that self diagnose and try to get Adderall has made it a real proper bitch to refill most of the ADHD medications as of late.

I keep hearing from pretty much anyone with ADHD that takes adderall and such for it that it's "life-changing" and just makes things so much easier and like

I'm wondering wholeheartedly how it'd be?? Like jfc i haven't seen anyone say "i regret it", just "wow i function like a person", and like, wow gimme that

[bigskydreaming]

I’m still working as best I can towards getting the surgery I’m always talking about in these posts, because when I tell you how much that will fundamentally change every aspect of my life right now, I’m not kidding. As usual, I’m way behind on rent, haven’t been able to afford new meds in a couple weeks, and am low on food and energy, with the first of the month being tomorrow and like.....I’m trying so hard to get the surgery at least before the end of the year, because as soon as I do, not only does it address all my health issues, I’ll be able to ditch the super pricey insurance I have to maintain just to keep the surgery I’ve otherwise paid for even a possibility? 

(Again, the surgery is already paid for, all 21K of it.....the reason I keep having to put it off is not having any extra to pay for rent and food while I’m stuck in bed recovering for a month after it, since I’m perpetually behind and stuck in the hole as is).

My breakdown of actual expenses, priority wise is:

- $812 per month insurance, without maintaining these specific benefits, I’ll owe additional money before they’ll even do the surgery, and there’s no way I can afford the out of pocket surgery price tag

- $1400 rent (there’s two of us living here, and we’re essentially living at one of those extended stay motels that give deals to people who are otherwise homeless, which is us. Yes, there are cheaper places we could live, even in LA a studio apartment can be found for like half this, but both of our credit scores were trashed in maxing out loans and credit cards even just to get us this far and we have no ability to rebuild our credit score while scrambling to keep up with day to day expenses as is, and we have no one who could co-sign on a cheaper apartment for us)

- $230 medication (I have an annoyingly high metabolism which means only specific pain medication works for me in the first place, as well as ADHD, C-PTSD, clinical depression, anxiety, something that is not OCD but is OCD related and hard to explain to people not familiar with it, and a few other things in the mix. I take four medications monthly, or am supposed to, and this total includes the cost of my refill apppointments, because many of my meds are controlled substances they won’t refill without monthly check-ups. Currently have been off my meds for over two and a half weeks. Its been grand)

- $80 phone/internet (necessary for most of my freelance work as well as refill and doctor appointments, etc. has been disconnected for over a week so there’s an additional $20 reconnect fee)

And anything I have left over after that goes to food. Literally the ONLY thing I need to finally be able to KEEP a surgery date is like....being able to afford rent, meds and food for the month after the surgery as my jaw will be completely wired shut, and I’ve been told to expect that I will not be able to get out of bed and move around for at least two weeks minimum.

But the SECOND after I’ve recovered from surgery, I can change so much of this? I can drop my pricey insurance, with the money I save from that I can fairly swiftly up my credit again as I’m less than 5K in debt overall, my biggest credit card is only $1K limit, I just can’t even afford to make tiny payment installments when I’m constantly behind even just on rent, as soon as I up my credit a bit and without the pain/medical issues limiting my ability to travel and use public transportation, I can find us a cheaper place to live, and like......between that, the gains I can make on sleep, nutrition and rest I can up my ability to find freelance jobs proactively, get more done, turn my attention back to various original projects that can potentially bring in money but that I haven’t been able to devote any attention to while needing to keep my focus such as it is limited to just producing fan content when and where I can since its mostly just mutuals and followers keeping me afloat as is and fan content caters to established fanbases whereas I simply don’t have the time, energy or focus to spare on building a fanbase with original content even though that’s potentially what can net me more money in the longrun, I’m just....stuck on short-run mode, lol. And have been for several years, so we’re talking law of diminishing returns here, as opposed to the expansion packet that original content can potentially reap, so add the frustration of that to ye olde mental/emotional turmoil.

ANYWAY.

Current sources of income other than donation posts are a part time job at a nearby fast food joint for minimum wage (limited hours though because I don’t set the hours and also physical disability makes this pushing it even as is), freelance work ghostwriting (mostly for self-published erotica and romance, though open to anything, please feel free to DM me if you have any potential work here, freelance editing (again mostly for self-published authors as that’s where I have the most contacts but open to anything), cover design (again mostly with self-pub authors but open to other stuff).

Other options I’m looking into to expand my potential income or revenue streams are making a youtube channel with more video essays on a range of topics, TikTok videos of various skits and scenes I’ve written for fandoms I’ve in, developing a Patreon with options for things like input on what output I create in those first two arenas, as well as things like capitalizing on my work history in the publishing and self-publishing industries as well as in Hollywood to step by step show the process of taking an original novel from single logline to fully self-published novel or querying agents in the traditional publishing world as well as mapping out similar journeys/processes in self-producing new media content as an actor or writer hoping to eventually create for film or television, etc.

Like, there’s a lot more I can do or offer there, its just first and foremost I’m hampered by time, energy and productivity constraints brought about by my lack of meds, food, and constantly needing to catch up on rent and insurance before I can even think about actually creating along any of those latter lines because I have to weigh the potential for greater income from longer term projects versus guaranteed income from short term projects of less broad potential but more immediate gains.

Anyway, I just went into detail here in ways I haven’t before hoping to shed a different light on the otherwise sameness of me constantly asking for help for the same thing, but like, please know there’s so much I can do to change my situation and I WANT to do, but there’s simply no way for me TO do that without meeting a certain threshold first, and like....that’s what I’m struggling to reach, month after month. After that? Could be a whole different ball game. 

https://ko-fi.com/kalenp

https://paypal.me/bigskydreaming?locale.x=en_US

[probably-enjolras]

r.e. disabled les amis headcanons: omg please add yours

yay someone wants to hear mine! some of this will be projection on my part. i’m disabled myself, i need a cane to walk because of a condition called Amplified Musculoskeletal Pain Syndrome (AMPS) which is very similar to fibromyalgia. i’m also going to include some neurodivergent and mental illness headcanons, but i know some people don’t consider those disabilities, but from my own experience with them, i do, so that’s why i’m adding them!

jean valjean has chronic back pain, specifically a problem with the discs in the upper spine, from his time in prison. gradually gets worse as he gets older because of lack of treatment and him triggering the pain himself by lifting the crashes cart and then marius in the sewers. in my modern aus i like to think he gets an upper back/neck and shoulder brace that he wears, and he’s a bit insecure about it so that’s why he’s always wearing big coats even in aus where he’s not being pursued by javert

javert, marius, and enjolras are autistic. javert has known most of his life but marius wasn’t diagnosed until his late teens due to lack of familial support. enjolras would have been diagnosed as a kid but he’s afab and there’s lack of diagnosis for afab children and he doesn’t get diagnosed until he’s in his 20s after doing his own research.

enjolras, grantaire, courfeyrac, and bossuet have adhd. enjolras and bossuet have more hyperactive traits, enjolras’ manifesting in his need to constantly be doing something and chronic boredom, while bossuet doesn’t display his as physical hyperactivity but more racing thoughts and an inability to slow his mind down. courfeyrac and grantaire have more attention deficit issues. they can’t focus on one topic for a while unless they go into hyperfocus or it’s a hyperfixation. grantaire has a lot of self worth issues because of his adhd because growing up he was seen as a bad student and a bad child because of his attention issues and executive dysfunction. courfeyrac got medicated really early on in childhood. enjolras did too and it becomes a bit of an issue between him and grantaire because grantaire doesn’t start medication until he’s about 24 and enjolras has been on medication for a long time and he’s kinda forgotten about how difficult it can be being unmedicated so he thinks grantaire isn’t trying enough. that changes when the pharmacy won’t refill enjolras’ medicine and he has to go a week without it. it’s a really humbling experience he apologizes to grantaire once he’s back on meds (this is based on personal experience actually… i didn’t start meds until a few months ago and i had a friend who started meds in middle school do what enjolras did and ur sucked)

joly had to get his knee joint replaced through surgery and still can’t walk properly without pain in the area so he walks with a cane. he also has an autoimmune disorder that makes him get sick really easily, as well as chronic fatigue and brain fog that makes it hard to complete daily tasks even when he has a low pain day. he also has very bad anxiety that sometimes manifests in worrying about his health excessively and vigilance about staying healthy because he knows that if he even gets a cold, it will be worse for his body than someone without a chronic illness

cosette and eponine both have c-ptsd from living with the thenardiers, and i have so much to say about this that i’m thinking about making an entirely separate post about it. just know that both of them have trauma responses, with cosette becoming very docile and a chronic people pleaser because she doesn’t want to get in trouble even though she won’t be punished like that anymore, while eponine has become hardened by her trauma and puts up walls so she doesn’t get hurt. she also gets frequent nightmares about her siblings being hurt and wakes up sweaty and almost screaming. gavroche came home late one day and eponine was on the verge of a panic attack even though it had only been half an hour

combeferre is blind in one eye and his other eye is partially damaged so he doesn’t have very good depth perception in what he can see, and he also has very limited color vision

feuilly is deaf and grantaire is HoH. feuilly’s primary form of communication is sign language, though he can lip read but not very well. all the amis know basic signs like how to ask if he wants some water/food, hellos and goodbyes, and how to sign their names. once feuilly becomes close with them, he creates signs specifically for their names, which at least in the american d/Deaf/HoH community is very special. a very close family friend of mine is HoH and he gave me a name sign when i came out as trans (it’s a quick movement of the letters R and Y up in the position where male signs are signed like “father”) grantaire is hard of hearing and has hearing aids. sometimes when he fights with enjolras he just takes out his hearing aids and just lets enjolras keep going until he realizes what’s going on.

this next one is very personal to me and is something i don’t think i’ve ever seen before, but i hc jehan with having schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type). i personally have this disorder and i have found some comfort thinking jehan has it too. they started having mood symptoms first, which started as a depressive episode and then suddenly they felt like they had been shocked into a manic episode. once the mania started they began having delusions of grandeur and the belief that they were a prophet sent to help the world. they began thinking people were after them and they heard voices from “angels” telling them what to do. they started writing poetry as a way to get the voices out of their head and onto paper. it took two years to get a diagnosis and a some very rough nights where they weren’t sleeping and would show up to meetings with delusional ideas, and they were scared. they refused to go to the hospital but needed help, so grantaire took them to the community out reach center that he goes to for alcohol addiction treatment and jehan got a psychiatrist who started them on antipsychotics and a mood stabilizer. i like to think that jehan got better quickly, just because i’ve had this disorder for a very long time and i’ve tried almost every antipsychotic out there and im not really better, so i want them to not have my experience. they were accepting of treatment pretty easily, but they did worry that their poetry wouldn’t be the same afterwards. fortunately, they channeled their frustration into poetry as opposed to writing what they were hearing and even though their poetry changed once they got on medicine, they didn’t lose their ability to write it. they’ve also learned how to have confidence in themself and the revolution without becoming delusional, which did take time because hearing enjolras’ strong ideas, it just felt like too much for a while. but the longer they’ve been stable and connected to reality, the easier it becomes to believe that yes, some things may seem improbable, but they can still happen AND some ideas are delusions and can be differentiated between the improbably ideas

bahorel has hypermobile joints and has to be careful when boxing with grantaire because he has subluxed or even fully dislocated his shoulders, elbows, and finger joints while boxing. jehan bought him some colorful finger braces and has stitched patterns into his knee and elbow braces

that’s enough for now because this is getting really long but yeah. lots of projection on my part (whoops) but what is this blog without me projecting my issues onto les mis characters? is this not what this blog is based on 😂

[natcat5]

I cant even begin to describe the day I just had. Executive Dysfunction with a capital E and D and every other letter capitalized as well

basically my family doctor ‘retired’ despite being like 30, and in the subsequent months, I have discovered that the prescriptions she wrote for me were....sus, to say the least. understandably, my new family doctor wanted me to see a psychiatrist before he gave me refills for any of new or old prescriptions, and psychiatrist told me I should NOT be taking my adhd medication every day and should have ‘off days’ to try to mitigate building up a tolerance to it. 

i tried out having an ‘off day’ today. and it sure as shit was an off day! getting anything done felt like fighting through brambles in my mind. by fighting tooth and nail against my own inattention did I manage to complete two pieces of homework. I was supposed to finish a project today. I could not even look at that project for more than 20 seconds without getting distracted. I spent a cumulative hour and a half just running around my kitchen with excess energy. i lay on the floor. i paced the house. 

I think I’m going to have to take ‘off days’ when im at work and constrained to a predetermined repetitive task bc there’s no way I can be off the meds on days I’m at home trying to get schoolwork done. respectfully today has been a nightmare

[davekitties]

putting under a readmore because it's a long, rambly, rant.

I need to remember how upsetting these past 4 days of not having meds has been. I get that it was over the holidays, but I was doing everything correctly, and people were still treating me rudely. I literally can't refill my meds until the day they run out/maybe one day before, and all these different people I called were like "you should know we are closing 2 hours earlier than listed online and that we are gonna be closed extra days too sweaty," while I was literally following their stupid rules. I called them Friday morning, no one answered, so I left a message, and then I called back around 2:30 (they close at 4pm) because no one called me back, and they were fucking closed and the lady on the line was condescending about how I should have known they were closing at 2pm that day. so I wait till fucking today, Tuesday, since everything was fucking closed yesterday for new years day, and call and they're like yeah, we can write your meds for a different MG, just tell us what pharmacy to use since there's tons of adderall shortages. I call my pharmacy, and they have fucking NONE. I call around a few places and find one that has some. Call my psychiatrist back, leave a message saying to send the script to the new pharmacy, wait a few hours, call them again to confirm they got my message, and the nurse goes "oops, I sent the info to the wrong doctor, sorry, lemme send it again, tehe," (SO LIKE IF I HADNT CALLED AGAIN IT WOULDNT HAVE GOTTEN DONE RIGHT). I wait a few hours, and then get a text from my psych's office saying they sent meds in, so I wait an hour and call the new pharmacy (that I had to completely switch all my other meds over to in order to get this one), give them my new insurance number (love medical stuff early January 🙃) and they tell me they JUST got the script in the system, and it'll take 20 minutes to fill. my bf, who's off today, went and got it and delivered my meds to me.

okay, that was fucking long, sorry, probably gonna add a read more higher up, but like, holy shit... from the first lady Friday laughing at me and telling me that not having my meds doesn't count as an emergency to talk to the on call doctor, to the incompetence at my psychiatrist's office. I'm going to switch psychiatrists I think uhghh but, anyways, my point is that the american healthcare system is fucked and especially fucked for people with ADHD or other developmental issues like I almost gave up and was just gonna go without adderall because this was such a fucking hassle from the phone calls to being treated like a criminal for needing adderall to function. the only reason I persisted was because I just got promoted at work, and I can't be slacking right now, and I was slacking without my meds!! I was sleeping 12-14 hours and got jack shit done (even in video games, if you can believe that).

so, yeah, im going to remember my rage, my anger, my frustration and stress and anxiety, over this. the only reason I kept trying was out of pure, indignant, rage, and I know it's not healthy, but without my medication I felt like a shapeless blob, bobbing around randomly. my motivation to do anything was fucking gone, and I knew the only way to solve that was to get my ass into gear and start harassing (nicely) people on the phone until I got my motivation back.

just... be kind to people, okay? even if you don't understand, be kind in any way you can, and shout out to the lady at the new pharmacy that was so helpful and sweet

out of my medication and I can't even call and get anyone to fucking fix it because the pharmacy is out of my mg and my pysch's office didn't answer my fucking calls and everything is closed until Tuesday and apparently not having my medicine doesn't count as an emergency to the on call doctor!!!! Im fucking screaming

[antiterf]

Do you have tips on learning about your own medications?

Name and dosage are the most important parts so when you get the prescription from the pharmacy or get prescribed it, you should remember the dose (20 mg for example) the brand name (Ritalin) and the, I don't know, actual name (Methylphenidate).

Usually the dosage will be on your prescription along with one of the names (I always get off brand so my adderall is "amphetamine salts" but I'm not sure for brand name). You can also probably call or email for your doctor to ask for the name and dosage.

For inhalers and pre filled syringes I don't have experience so I wouldn't know. What you should do for syringes in general is know how far into the skin it should be going (for instance is it muscle or subcutaneous, this can be somewhat determined how you're supposed to angle the needle) which will effect the diameter of the actual needle (gauge size). Then there's the volume of how much the syringe can hold (3 ml for example) and lastly there's needle length. My main issue is always the volume or how much the syringe can hold since I need the smallest type and no bigger (1 ml) with gauge and length not being as much of an issue. But if you have an injection that's in the muscle then the gauge and length should be something to look out for.

With insulin I think the same advice would apply only instead of ml it's units.

Then depending on the laws in your area, there's controlled substances. These usually aren't things like anti depressants but stimulants for ADHD, take as needed anxiety meds, and testosterone (along with other steriods) would be. The main difference for me in IL is that they are not automatically refilled and you have to call the pharmacy itself, to transfer them to another pharmacy I need to call the doctor, and I can only pick up my adderall about a day before it runs out (often leading to withdrawal for various reasons). Controlled substances in the U.S. are under a ranking and Adderall is one of the most controlled at schedule 2, schedule 1 being shit like cocaine. While Ketamine is schedule 3. Some lower tier controlled substances may be easier to get but I'm not sure. Oh, and they will not make an exception to fill the controlled substance if something happens. Lost, damaged, stolen, doesn't matter that's your problem.

So as a college student with adderall and a roommate I get a safe for that.

With that said I learned all of this stuff as I realized that it was useful but otherwise I'd say find one place to write down your meds and dosages.

[yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy]

Adderall

So, a week and a half ago I FINALLY got my adult ADHD diagnosis and I finally got on Adderall. What is to follow is personal and only read if your interested, otherwise, have a nice day. 

(I got diagnosed with a bunch of other scary shit but I been knew all of it and it tracks for the trauma I’ve been through so I wasn’t surprised) 

Anyway, so my psychiatrist has me on a small 5 mg a day dose that I take in the morning. 

So before Adderall, here was my day-

Wake up at 8, get my daughter to school by 8:20-8:30, come home and have a 50/50 chance of going back to sleep till 11 or noon or sit on the couch in a daze/heavy mental fog until about noon or 1pm. By 3, I realize I have half an hour before my kid get’s home from school and shit, I need to do something with my day before my husband harps on me for being a lazy slob sitting on my ass on the couch all day and doing jack squat (hello executive dysfunction) and by 4, my daughter is off the bus, I gotta get something ready for dinner, eat between 5:30-7 AND THEN my brain wakes up. At 8pm my mental fog clears, I have energy, I can write coherantly and can do things and I’ve gained momentum. 

Problem was- I have to go to sleep by 9-10pm so I can wake up at 8 the next morning. 

My natural circadian rhythm is being awake from noon to 3-4am and then sleep the rest of the time. and my “Sweet spot” for getting stuff done, house chores, writing, all of that happens between 10pm-3am. Which is impossible for me to achieve and still be a “normal functional adult”. 

So in order to “function” on my husband’s and my daughter’s life schedule I have to be very, very heavily medicated to go to sleep just as my brain is waking up and building up steam and momentum. So much so that if I am not in bed by the time my meds hit, I will pass out wherever I am. And I take doses that would put any other person into a coma for at least three days, but I take it on a nightly basis and it STILL takes an hour to an hour and a half to finally succumb to the sleep. (if anyone wants to know exactly what I take and in what doses, let me know)

So now that I’ve been on Adderall for a week- here how it has drastically changed my life. 

Wake up at 8, take Adderall by 8:15, I fully wake up but 8:30-8:35 and I’m alert and the fog clears by 8:50 and by 9am, I’m doing house chores and writing and getting shit done and getting things taken care of and it’s great, a process that normally takes most of my day is now shortened down to barely an hour, 45 minutes. 

Here’s where it sucks. 

Adderall, for me, wears off at 3pm. Normally when I would be “waking up” my brain is wearing down and shutting down and by 4 I am STRUGGLING. just trying to make dinner and trying to jump start my system and trying to recapture that momentum. 

By 6-7pm I get very aggrivated and very frustrated with myself because there’s still more shit I want to do but the go juice is empty and I can not make myself do much of anything. I try to focus on something that usually soothes me- like knitting or crocheting or writing or refilling my many fountain pens. Nope- all those tasks that once brought me joy, get on my nerves, make me frustrated and aggrivated because I can’t fucking FOCUS ON JACK SHIT. 

And by 8, my brain and my body are BEGGING, and I mean BEGGING, PLEADING, throwing a tantrum to go to sleep. I went to bed at 7:30pm because I was especially tired and very cranky bitchy the other night and was out by 8:15 and woke up at 8 feeling great and then proceeded to have a very nice rest of my day. 

I did not expect myself to get so ANGRY when the Adderall wears off. 

Is this normal? Is the anger part normal for anyone else? Like I’m partially afraid that if I tell my psychiatrist that I get HANGRY but without the hunger part when it wears off, she’ll pull me off of it completely and I don’t want that. I went through hell just getting this diagnosis and it’s helping but not enough. I’m supposed to meet with her again in a month. We’ll see how it goes from there. 

[accreature]

Gonna add some tips I've found for how to manage this (some must be done in fair-weather times): Vyvanse is sometimes available when adderall is not, I'm guessing because it's more expensive. With a manufacturer's coupon though, you pay ~$1/pill. That's not terrible. See if your psych/meds prescriber will split your dose -- 20+30mg gives you the choice of taking less and banking one on some days. On most days you take both. The insurance justification is you take the second one later in the day. (You actually take them at the same time.) If not, see if you can get a "homework dose" of ritalin, again for "later in the day when the meds wear off." Don't take it unless you run out of your original. It's not XR but it works. Guanfacine works for me as a good ADHD med in addition to stimulants. It makes the days without/with reduced stimulants easier. Switching your dose up or down can get you new meds in the middle of the cycle, letting you bank whatever you have left. So can switching medications. Haven't you wanted to try concerta?

Always refill ASAP. If you can, set stuff to auto-refill. If not, set reminders. If you're able to get meds delivered, even better. Do NOT use Capsule for this -- they let you know wayyy late if they're out of stock of your meds, wasting precious days. Do not use CVS caremark for vyvanse -- they don't take the manufacturer's coupon. Call around to pharmacies and ask what they have (you probably already know this one).

You're going on an extended vacation (out of the country, even)! You need a (and this is specific language) "Vacation Override" to get a 90-day supply of your controlled substance. They are able to do this, even if they don't know it. I *think* Walgreens has the better policy than CVS, but it might be the other way around. (Probably only do this if you're actually going somewhere, you don't need it in your chart that you're a dirty dirty meds seeking liar.) Also if you have to resort to buying your meds from not a pharmacy, please also purchase a test kit and verify that you're taking what you think you are.

The nation wide adhd med shortage has me rationing my pills for days when I need to get more things done which probably isn’t the best idea in terms of how my body feels about it but these things are expensive and take weeks to get refills of so can you blame me