#darmine doggy door

[elliot-amy]

what have they done to us?

[i-think-you-should-leave]

The Darmine Doggy Door! Happy pet, peace of mind!

Anything can happen in this world. We really know very little.

[vanwizard]

forcing everyone to watch my favorite itysl sketch it kills me every time alkjdlfkjadsf

(commercial music begins)

Narrator: Dog doors can be a problem. Your dog can get out, but other things can get in. The Darmine Doggy Door brings you the newest high-tech doggy door from Darmine Devices. These doors are fully automatic, and activated by a digital chip in your dog’s collar! You’re not gonna get varmint, you’re not gonna get intruders, and you’re definitely not gonna get this thing!

(creature demonically squeals)

Narrator: …‘Cause I saw that thing. That thing came in here while I was on the couch. 

(sinister music plays, more demonic squealing) 

Neighbor: It’s a pig!

Narrator: …What the FUCK!? …WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK!? 

(commercial music resumes) 

Narrator: My next door neighbor had put a Richard Nixon mask on a pig and had it go through my doggy door ‘cause we’ve been arguing over a property line!

(trampoline bouncing sounds, narrator in flashback yelling: Get it off my bushes!)

Narrator: He was trying to call me a liar and a thief like Nixon and a pig – 

Neighbor: You’re a PIG!

Narrator: – but I didn’t know what the fuck was happening ‘cause I’ve barely been sleeping since my wife got flipped upside down by a swing dancer at a wedding! HE MUST’VE FLIPPED MY WIFE EIGHT TIIIIIMES! And it reeeally bothered me. When you can’t sleep and you see that thing –

(pig squeal) 

Narrator: – you’re not just right away like ‘that’s a pig with a mask,’ you’re like ‘THAT’S GONNA KILL ME! THAT’S REAL! THAT LIVES WITH US ON EARTH!’ 

(pig squeals again) 

Narrator: I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA GET EATEN!!! I’m not a stupid fucking idiot, I know it was just a pig, but for fifty seconds it felt really real. And when you think you’re gonna get eaten and your first thought is… great! I don’t have to go to work tomorrow! You’re relieved you don’t have to go to work ‘cause you thought you were gonna get eaten!? What the fuck is this world? What’ve they done to us? WHAT’D THEY DO TO US!?!? 

(pig squealing and destroying coffee table) 

Narrator: That was the most consequential day of my life because now I know I don’t like my work. THE DARMINE DOGGY DOOR! HAPPY PET – PEACE O’ MIND! Anything can happen in this world, we really know very little! My life is nothing I thought it should be and everything I was worried it would become because for fifty seconds I thought there was monsters on the world.

[goingtolesbos]

you’re relieved you don’t have to go to work because you thought you were gonna get eaten? what the fuck is this world? what have they done to us? what did they do to us?

[the-old-man-has-the-phonebox]

Yeah unexplained supernatural experiences are cool, but have you ever been 9 or 10 years old, having a sleepover at a friend's place, gotten up at night to go pee without turning the lights on, and then heard something coming up the stairs before you see the creature - a long-limbed, gaunt but distinctly humanoid figure dashing up on all fours, who then spots you in the dim light, as mortified as you are horrified, stands up to walk like a human, heading silently into his room without saying a word?

And that's the way you learned that some people like to go up stairs on all fours like a dog when nobody's looking, and that your friend's 15-year-old brother is one of them.

[kalverian]

saw a picture of junpei in the finale of 999 and got so emotional about it i almost started bawling

[dandorkity]

I fucked up at work, and I've since talked myself down that it wasn't that big of a fuckup, but in the moment I thought "ok worse case scenario you get fired ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ more time to spend with Butchie"

[fieldmoths]

me and emily watched the entire 3rd season on i think you should leave on sunday in like. silent awe and disbelief

[pregretting]

I would hang out all day with him and we would rant about capitalism and I could handle the communication with our trampolining neighbor and help him emotionally process the swing dancing incident.

wait a minute...

YEAHHHHH-

my life is better

[tomwambsmilk]

Dog doors can be a problem. Your dog can get out, but other things can get in. The Darmine Doggy Door brings you the newest high-tech doggy door from Darmine Devices! These doors are fully automatic, and activated by a digital chip in your dog's collar. You're not gonna get varmin, you're not gonna get intruders, and you're definitely not gonna get this thing! ([inhuman squealing]) 'Cuz I saw that thing. That thing came in here when I was on the couch. ([muted inhuman snorting, squealing]) ([creature shrieks]) (It's a piiiiiiig!!) WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCK!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! My next-door neighbour put a Richard Nixon mask on a pig and had it go through my doggy door 'cuz we've been arguing over a PROPERTY LINE. (Get it off of my bushes!!) He was tryna call me a liar and a thief like Nixon, and a pig! (You're a pig!) But I didn't know what the FUCK was happening 'cuz I've barely been sleeping since my wife got flipped upside down by a swing dancer at a wedding. HE MUST'VE FLIPPED MY WIFE EIGHT TIIIIIMES!!!! And it really bothered me. When you can't sleep and you see that thing, you're not just like right away, "That's a pig with a mask". You're like, "THAT'S gonna kill me, THAT'S real, that LIVES WITH US ON EARTH!!". I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA GET EATEN!!! I'm not a stupid fucking idiot I know it was just a pig but for 50 seconds it felt really real. And when you think you're gonna get eaten and your first thought is, "Great! I don't have to go to work tomorrow." YOU'RE RELIEVED YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA GET EATEN????? What the fuck is this world....... What have they done to us.... WHAT DID THEY DO TO US!?!?!?!?!?!!?! ([squealing]) ([objects clattering]) That was the most consequential day of my life because now I know I don't like my work. THE DARMINE DOGGY DOOR! HAPPY PET, PEACE OF MIND! Anything could happen in this world, we really know VERY LITTLE! My life is nothing I thought it should be and everything I was worried it would become because for 50 seconds I thought there was monsters on the world.

[i-think-you-should-leave]

s1 results・s2 results・s3 results

mod note: if my choice starts to lose, I'll go on my phone.

[holeposts]

i am once again asking for someone to hit me with a car so I don't have to go to work

can somebody hit me with a car so I don't have to go to work today

[amygdalae]

All I have to do is think the words "darmine doggy door" and my favorite I Think You Should Leave bit of all time plays verbatim in my brain within the span of a millisecond instantly flooding my body and brain with joy hormones like a shot of heroin

[gwynndolin]

i think about the existential realization of living in capitalism tim robinson has in the darmine doggie door video like at least once a week

[mattythemassmurderer]

Your birthday is only once a year but a good dog door is forever! And so are the horrors! Here's Captain Toma with the Darmine Doggy Door :)

Happy birthday @unsoundedcomic <33 I hope you have many good treats and see many cute boys and dogs today kiss kiss

[redpandarascal]