#danny wagner series

[builtbybrokenbells]

belladonna | v

Too beautiful to resist, and too deadly to survive; the tragic tale of belladonna in all its glory.

Masterlist | Taglist

Pairing: Danny Wagner x f!reader

Word Count: 20k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, oral (f!receiving), fingering (f!receiving), semi-public sex, exhibitionism, name calling, dom/sub, bratty sub, biting, nipple play, praise/degradation, mentions of toxic/abusive parents, mentions of/toxic relationships, mentions of criminal activity/criminal records, poverty, crying, mentions of homelessness, mentions of physical violence, mentions of blood, mentions of AA/NA, NA meetings, heavy descriptions of addictions, use of/mentions of drugs, mentions of relapsing, drinking, flirting, mentions of hookups/sex, smoking, depression/anxiety, mental health struggles, fluff, swearing, sorry if I miss any!!

I know this story isn’t the most popular, but I feel inclined to keep writing it because it is my main source of healing at the moment. It’s imperative for me to tell this story in hopes that it helps someone who struggles/has struggled the same ways I have. So, for the few of you who continue to stick with me through this, thank you from the bottom of my heart. As always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes! 🤍

May 31st, 2022

“Play that again!” You exclaimed, dropping your pen against your journal and pointing your finger at Danny, sitting across the porch from you with golden sunshine accentuating his already perfect features. Daniel and Sam both jumped in surprise at the suddenness of your actions, previously not hearing a word from you since you took post on an old blanket under the early summer sun.

“What, this?” He asked, picking a quick little tune on the bottom strings of his guitar. Your heart warmed at the sound, a smile blossoming on your lips as you gave an eager nod.

“Ventura Highway!” You sat up in your seat, leaning further into the music the two of them were playing.

“In the sunshine.” Sam smirked, nodding up at the sky as he motioned one arm vaguely around the three of you.

“The days are longer,” Danny joined in, biting back a giggle at the silliness of your conversation.

“And the nights are stronger,” Sam leaned into his friend, both of their eyes pointed at you as they awaited the strong finish.

“Than moonshine!” You laughed, listening as Danny played the quick sequence of notes again. “My brothers fell in love with this song when I was a little kid. I remember dancing around the living room with them when mom was gone, because nobody could get mad at us for making noise.” You laughed, reminiscing on the fondest of childhood memories that all seemed to happen when your parents were nowhere to be found. “It was on one of the old vinyl records we found in Grandpa’s attic, so we snuck it home and played it over and over again.”

“As much as Steely Dan?” Danny teased, recalling your fascination with them.

“Nothing was played as much as that, Daniel. Don’t be ridiculous.” You shook your head, relaxing into the fleece below you as the sun kissed your bare thighs. The air was warm, the lush grass on the lawn in front of the Airbnb was desperate to be cut, and the pollen was making your nose stuffy. It was crazy how different their yard was compared to the street you lived on despite it only being minutes away.

Now that the weather was nice, the three of you spent your days (when you weren’t stuck at the Fox) lounging outdoors and enjoying the summer before it passed you by. Every afternoon, Sam and Danny got lost in playing songs and writing down ideas while you scribbled in your journal or puttered away on your laptop (which was now on its very last leg). They were writing as much music as they could, harnessing the energy they came to New York to find all while encouraging you to do the same.

Nearly all of your days off were spent with them, aside from the few days you set aside to attend NA meetings. You were still keeping that part of your life a secret, unable to find enough courage to share it with them in fear it would scare them away. Thankfully, because of their company, your addictions were much less pressing than they had ever been, so keeping it to yourself had proven easier than expected as the days passed by.

The diner was the same, never changing in the near two years you spent there. Vincent was a mess, only worsening since your altercation a few weeks prior. Talking was off the table once again, and communication was limited to an occasional snide comment and a lingering glare. You were standing your ground, furious that he had the nerve to say such despicable things to you, and he was doing as he pleased, which was no different than usual. He was still convinced he was in the right, that you were the problem and you were responsible for the heartbreak shared between you, and you knew he would never see the other side. Instead of dwelling, you did exactly as you said you would, and since that night you had stayed as far away as possible.

Although it hurt, it was the right thing to do. After telling him you were done for the thousandth time, it finally seemed to stick.

You did question if it was because you finally reached a breaking point, or because of the curly haired boy who made it impossible to worry about anything other than him.

As time dragged on, it became harder and harder to resist the pull of your heartstrings when you heard his name or saw his face in your mind.

“Sing it, Utah.” Danny said, playing the small riff over again as Sam joined in on his own guitar.

“No way!” You exclaimed, shaking your head. Although you were passionate about art in any form, singing was not your forte, and you weren’t keen on embarrassing yourself in front of the only boy who could make you feel this good.

“Come on!” Sam encouraged, playing through the intro one more time to give you an opportunity to change your mind.

“Not a chance!” You laughed, standing your ground despite feeling pressured to do so.

“Together?” Danny offered, barely thinking about what he was doing as his fingers drifted over the fretboard. Your lips were stuck in a permanent smile, unable to feel anything other than happy while in their company. Eventually, you gave a roll of your eyes and a reluctant nod. “That’s my girl!” He exclaimed, playing the intro one last time before he led the three of you into the verse.

Nothing sounded bad when there was a promise of doing it together, and if he continued to refer to you as his, you would do anything he asked of you. Despite trying so hard to ignore the feelings constantly growing in your heart, you knew you were a goner—falling for him was the easiest thing you’d ever done, and it started long before he knew your name, the very minute you heard the echoing laugh and saw that breathtaking smile from the kitchen at the Fox.

June 6th, 2022

“That’s the abandoned school.” You pointed out the windshield, looking at Danny to ensure he noticed what you were referring to. The parking lot was crowded with overgrown trees and the building itself was hidden behind them. After years of no upkeep, the plot of land had grown wildly out of control. He slowed the car, peeking out the side window to get a better look at the scene. Then, without a word, he flipped on his signal light and pulled into the poorly maintained lot. “What are you doing?” You laughed.

“Exploring! Come on, Utah. Live a little!” He parked close to the brick building, looking over at you with a hopeful expression.

“There’s nothing to explore.” You explained, a lingering smile on your lips as you sipped away at the king can of Redbull in your hands. “Unless you find asbestos and debris fascinating.”

“There’s lots to explore—you just need to know where to look.” He said, ignoring your comment as he opened the car door and stepped outside. With a small sigh and a roll of your eyes, you stepped out to join him.

You walked around the car, grabbing his hand as you led him to the side of the building, knowing it was the only entrance that you could actually get through. The front and back doors were boarded up, but they forgot about the side entrance hidden by a few trees. What was once likely the service entrance for the maintenance crew and janitors, was now the only passage inside to admire the ruin of the place. Perhaps he was right; the charm had worn off for you because you’d seen the inside a hundred times, but to him, it was all brand new. You brushed off your lighthearted negativity at the realization, putting on a smile for him and making a promise to see it for the first time all over again, with him by your side.

Since meeting Danny, new beginnings and reimagined ideas had become the norm, and if you had to admit, it wasn’t the worst thing in the whole world. In fact, it almost felt freeing.

You pushed open the door with your shoulder, using force to unstick the bottom tread from the eroded metal frame. The stale air from inside hit you in the face, musty and still damp from the thaw of winter into summer. You propped the door open with a rock on the ground, remembering how difficult it was to get the door open from the inside.

“Watch your step, Michigan.” You warned, pulling your phone from your pocket and turning on a flashlight. The place didn’t get much natural light between the lack of windows and the ones existing being covered with plywood. The floor was sticky, damp with condensation and covered in dirt and unknown substances leaking from exposed pipes. You made sure to find a clear path before he stepped inside, not wanting him to trip and fall.

“Woah,” Danny breathed, his eyes scanning the short, barren hallway that was cluttered with garbage. “Spooky.” You giggled at his reaction as you stepped forward, kicking away a few sheets of cardboard to clear the way.

“Stay with me, lots of shit to trip on.” You informed him, keeping a straight path down the hallway. The doors at the end had been busted open a long time ago, likely by kids who were often unsupervised by their parents. The top hinge of one of the double doors had rusted through, leaving it constantly open and hanging on an angle.

You felt Danny’s hand on your waist, his touch comforting as you helped him navigate the unfamiliar territory. You passed by a long row of lockers, some of the doors open and some still padlocked shut. The building was in much worse shape than it was the last time you were inside, and by the sight of crumpled sleeping bags in the corner, it seemed as though some of the homeless population had taken shelter inside.

“So what’s the story?” He asked, keeping a close eye on where he was stepping to ensure he didn’t trip.

“Not much of a story.” You chuckled, peeking your head into an empty classroom that was illuminated by a few rays of sun. “From what I heard, the building was in terrible shape when they built it. It was supposed to be a temp school until they could build a bigger, better one. The development got pushed back and the city got lazy, so they ended up using this for a few decades. Eventually, when the foundation began to crumble, they decided to shut it down and follow through with the original plan.” You recounted the tale as it was told to you, leading him into the room to look around. “Now by the looks of it, it seems like tent city has moved indoors. They keep saying they’re going to tear it down, but they can never find enough money in the budget, so people have been putting it to use.”

“Why would they tear it down if people are sleeping in it?” He asked, sympathetic to the situation but unfamiliar with the general outlook on homelessness.

You paused at his gentle ignorance, the statement forcing you to remember the differences between the two of you. He didn’t understand it like you did because he never had to witness it—and never had to live it. Instead of chastising him for his lack of awareness or responding with harshness, you thought it best to educate. It was the only way to truly make a difference.

“Right?” You gave a dry chuckle, your eyes scanning over the faded posters and art projects still hanging on the wall. “I wrote a letter to the city when they started pushing for the demo. I got signatures and everything, asking if they would reconsider their decision and transform it into a shelter for the unhoused population. Pretty sure they threw it in the trash and spit on it for good measure.” You tried to hide the scowl, but your distaste for the situation ran so deep that it nearly sickened you.

“You didn’t hear anything back?” He was shocked, almost making you laugh at his naïveté.

“I did,” you nodded, inspecting the bulletin board with torn pages still tacked to the cork. “But it was no more than a commendation for my effort and a slap in the face. They said that in lieu of the growing drug problem, they couldn’t possibly allow for such a system to be in place in an already struggling community.” You scoffed. “Like the drug problem hasn’t been this prevalent since the eighties. Like the problem doesn’t begin with poverty and homelessness, and mental health. Instead of addressing the root causes, they try and cover it up and pretend it’s not happening. They don’t care—they don’t want to help. They hope nobody speaks up against their ridiculous views and they silence them when they do.”

Silence hung thick between you for a moment longer than you liked, making you realize what kind of position you’d just thrown yourself in.

“You’re very passionate about this.” He noted, looking from the art on the walls to your stony face. You tried your best to sort your thoughts, to let him in just enough that he didn’t ask any questions but not enough for him to think too hard about it.

“I am.” You agreed, nodding slowly. “It’s hard not to be when it’s in my front yard and I see it every day. It’s hard not to be when I’m stuck in the same shitstorm as they are, praying to make it through tomorrow. I’m lucky enough to have a roof over my head, but just barely. I know that one off paycheck could have me out on the streets, too. They’re people, human beings with no house, no food to eat, no water to bathe or drink. I never understood how people could be so cruel, like the people living on the streets are less than human and don’t deserve a lick of kindness.” You worded your rant carefully, trying not to expose too much of yourself.

“I know addiction. My mother was the highest functioning alcoholic I’ve ever met, and my dad was a deadbeat who always chose getting high over his children. I left home to get away from it, and I ran so far I ended up behind it, staring at it from a different direction. Vin and Dylan are my best friends, but they’re barely 20 and their lives are ruined because of it. If they don’t change soon, they’ll spend the rest of their lives this way. I try to detach from it, to tell myself I’m fighting a losing battle, but I can’t. I can’t sit by and watch, knowing how close to home all of the issues are. I can’t stop talking about it, because I’m one of the only people who does. If I stop, maybe the rest of them will, too, and then nobody is advocating for the people who are hurting.”

He was learning things about you he started to believe you would never share, finding the soft spot for you growing tenfold as he listened to your words. He knew you were complex, closed off and focused on staying that way, but he was desperate to know you, the real you rather than the bright and shiny version you showed the world. He wanted to ask, to dive deeper, but he let you say whatever you pleased, promising himself to always listen to you. From what he gathered, it seemed like nobody ever had, and he would die happy if the last thing he heard was the sound of your voice.

“I’ll fight for it for the rest of my life, even if I die and never see change, because that’s who I am. I’ll fight for free healthcare, for affordable housing and accessible mental health facilities. I’ll fight for the food banks, for NA and AA programs, for improved social assistance, and for the justice system to take a step back from things it has no business controlling. We’re criminalizing and dehumanizing people who need help, people who turned to the streets and drugs because the world failed them. Not every addict is good, but they’re all certainly not all bad, and not every homeless person is an addict at all. There’s a family of four who lives in the alleyway next to my house, because they lost their house in a fire and didn’t have insurance, so they couldn’t afford to buy a new one, and subsidized housing fucked them over so bad they missed out on low income rentals. To overcome the problem, we have to fix it at the very root of the issue, not slap a bandaid on it and call it a day.” You paused, feeling your chest burn with indignity over the way people just like yourself have been treated.

He was stunned, speechless as he processed your words. Slowly, his hand raised to your back, a silent show of support over a topic he had never been well versed in.

He didn’t have to speak; in that moment, he had done more than you ever expected of him.

He listened, and he supported, without judgement and without questions, even if he didn’t know anything about your passion projects or why you were so passionate about them in the first place.

“I’m proud of you, Utah.” His words hit you hard, nearly causing you to double over in agony as the feeling of being appreciated ravaged you. You worked so hard, did so much and tried to put out so much good in the world to right the wrongs you did when you were a lesser version of yourself, and most of the time you received no encouragement or any kind of acknowledgment from the people around you.

Something he likely grew up hearing was a foreign language to you, something you were only lucky to hear a few times in your lifetime. He had no idea how good it felt to hear it, no idea how much it meant to you.

Maybe letting him in wasn’t so terrible after all. Maybe you had him misconstrued, and he cared enough to love you despite your struggle. Maybe for once, you had finally found someone more willing to give rather than take.

It was too soon to tell, but you were beginning to believe that Daniel was unlike anyone else in the entire world, that not only did he serve as a muse and a hero in your miserable story, but he was one who was committed to staying, rather than getting your hopes up only to leave you behind.

You couldn’t be certain, but you were eager to see if he truly was everything you hoped he could be.

June 14th, 2022- 6:57 PM

“Get in, Utah!” Danny exclaimed, splashing a handful of water in your direction.

“It’s cold.” You reiterated the same point over again, your toes barely touching the ripples of waves crashing against the shore. “It’s too early to swim.” It wasn’t too early to swim; in fact, the weather was fantastic, and you were just being stubborn after laying in the sun all afternoon.

The two of you woke up early with big plans; a road trip to New Jersey to spend the day at Long Beach, and he had booked the two of you a hotel for the night upon learning you had never actually stayed in one. The drive was fun, and the laughs were plentiful. You had never had so many good days in a row, but this was proving to be the longest streak in your entire life, all thanks to him. Sam was overjoyed at the idea of a night alone, to which neither of you inquired about, so you had the entire day and afternoon of the next day to yourselves, reveling in the joy of seclusion together.

You packed the car and set off, fingers intertwined together and your phone playing music over his speakers. The drive went by in a flash, leaving you in the lot of the (exuberantly) fancy hotel long before midday. You deposited your bags in your room, leaving them atop the king bed as you changed into your bikini and Danny lathered sunscreen over your shoulders. You grabbed lunch at the restaurant attached to the lobby of the hotel, checked out a few stores nearby, then made your way back to the car.

The beach was much less busy than you anticipated, giving you top choice at the best spots. You settled blankets a few feet away from the water, spending most of the afternoon laying between Danny’s legs as you flip-flopped between scribbling in your journal and getting lost in conversation. Eventually, when the sun began to sink in the sky and the population on the beach thinned down to you and a few other groups, Danny decided he was ready to get in the water, which you had been trying to avoid all day.

Though, you’d come to learn that you had an incredibly hard time saying no to him, and in this instance, the fact remained true.

“Never too early to swim, baby.” Danny brushed you off, ignoring your protests completely. “We drove for an hour to get here, you have to get in the water.”

“I’m getting there!” You snipped, feeling the frigid water reach your feet and fighting every urge to recoil. “You just have to give me a minute!”

“I’ve given you plenty of minutes.” He said, taking two large strides towards you. “All day, actually.” You stepped backwards, quickly getting away from him as you recognized the devilish smile on his face.

“Do not.” You warned, pointing your finger at him to stop him in his tracks. “Daniel!” You shouted, narrowly escaping him as he reached out to grab you.

“Utah, I’ve been waiting all day! Come here!” He bounded forward again, water splashing on your sun kissed legs and sending a shiver down your spine.

The softness in his face as he pleaded with you tugged on your heartstrings just enough to make you cave, and with a sign of defeat you relaxed from your rigid form. Not long after, he was in front of you, water dripping from his tanned skin as his curls stuck to his shoulders. The golden glow of the sun complementing his already breathtaking face nearly made you weak in the knees.

“Have you not learned to trust me yet?” He raised an eyebrow, refraining from touching you so you would come to him on your own accord.

“I do trust you.” You broke, the corners of your lips turning upwards as you looked over his face. He was intoxicating, so much so that it was impossible to think of anything other than him when he was near. Your mind was hazy, your vision blurring the background as you admired him, and you wondered how the hell you ever got so lucky to have him in your life.

“So you know I’m not lying.” He continued, stepping a little closer. Despite having just swam in the water, his cologne still stuck to his skin, mixing with the summery smell of sunscreen he reapplied not long ago.

He was fucking delicious, and he was making your stomach do somersaults without even trying.

“It’s not that cold—once you get in, it’s actually kinda nice. Promise, Utah.” He said, his hands reaching forward and pulling you into him by your hips. Although his skin was cold, it was offset by the fire burning in your belly that always ignited when he touched you.

“If you say so…” you whispered, hesitancy clear in your tone.

“I do.” You were close enough to him that your chest was pressed against him, ensuring he could feel your rapid heartbeat as you gazed up at him. Somehow, even after the weeks of spending every day with him, the giddiness never seemed to wear off. You were always excited to be with him, everything he did was electrifying and wonderful, making it impossible not to fall in—

No.

Love, although tempting, was not in the cards for the two of you.

“You know what’s even better than swimming?” You asked, a quick distraction to make him stop talking about it.

“Hmm?” He asked, his eyebrows knitted together so delicately you barely noticed it. He was watching you carefully, not willing to miss a single detail of the moment with you.

Instead of verbally responding, you leaned forward, a hand on his bicep and the other on the back of his neck as you pulled him down to meet you. Your lips landed on his, the saltiness of the water still lingering on his skin, making your heart race even faster. For a moment, the world seemed perfectly right, calm and peaceful, like nothing in the universe could ever hurt you again. Sometimes, when the world quieted down like this and you let yourself truly feel the beauty of being in his arms, his company made up for every bad thing that ever happened before.

“Yeah, this is better than swimming.” He conceded, his voice low and husky as he processed the surplus of emotions coursing through him. “Do it again though, just to make sure.”

“Of course.” You giggled, your eyes twinkling as you pulled him in for another kiss. Ever so gently, you felt his teeth graze your bottom lip, pulling it between them and applying a slight pressure. You melted into his touch, the pit of your stomach ablaze with desire for him.

When he pulled away, he let his forehead rest on your own as he swallowed back the urge to take it any further. Your nose brushed against his, a droplet of water running from his face on to your own. Carefully, you reached up and swiped it away, seeming to remind him of where you were and what you were doing.

“Swim with me, just for ten minutes. Then, we can go back to the hotel.” He bargained, knowing he would crack if you even suggested going back to the hotel straight away.

“Fine,” you huffed, giving in far too easily when he smiled at you. “But I want to take your picture first. You look really pretty right now.”

“P-pretty?” He stuttered, his cheeks turning red as soon as the word slipped off your tongue. You let your thumb drift over his still-wet skin, giving a slight nod and a soft smile.

“Very.”

With that, you turned and walked back to your blankets a few feet away. You rummaged around in your bag and found the disposable camera Sam had graciously donated to you a few weeks prior. He told you that it was imperative that you caught the memories on film, to which you had no argument.

You and Sam had formed an unusual friendship during your elongated (and free) stay at their Airbnb. Sometimes, in the early morning while Daniel was still deep in sleep, you found yourselves conversing in the kitchen over nothing and everything all at once. He was unlike anyone you had ever met before, a slight pretentious air surrounding him but never concerning anything that truly mattered. Below the surface he was a sweetheart, surely the nicest and kindest soul you had ever had the pleasure of knowing, and for no other reason than to simply be kind. He was funny, albeit a bit loud, and so genuine and accepting that it made your head spin sometimes. You showed certain parts of your soul to him that not even Daniel could reach, solely because he had a way of prying it from you without you even realizing it.

He was yours and Daniel’s biggest fan, and he wasn't shy to show it. In fact, it appeared like he was more invested in the label on your relationship than you were. He didn’t mind you imposing on the slightest, and even took it upon himself to invite you into their lives in many different ways, whether it be advice on a lyric or encouragement to visit them in Nashville.

He was the most unexpected ally of the entire, odd situation you’d found yourself in, but you were so grateful for his presence that it didn’t seem to matter.

You snapped a few photos of Daniel, taking a moment to admire his features as the sun continued to sink lower in the sky. Without a second thought, you tossed the camera back in your bag and sent him one, challenging glance.

“Last one in pays for dinner!” You shouted, catching him off guard as you took off in a sprint. Before he’d even registered what you said, you were nearing the water, and even once he did, he only started a slow jog.

You were racing because there was no way you could afford dinner, and he let you win because there was no way he’d ever make you pay to begin with.

𓇢𓆸

June 14th, 2022 - 8:38 PM

Freshly showered and wearing a sundress you had no idea you owned, you walked hand in hand out of the restaurant and bar branching from the lobby of the hotel. You were slightly tipsy, the pitcher of sangria you shared with Daniel taking more of a toll than you realized while sitting down. Your cheeks were blushed, your smile seemingly permanent as he led you to the elevator nearby. You watched as a group of people filtered out, dispersing in different directions without as much as a second glance at the two of you. Danny whisked you inside, quickly pressing the button for the top floor as you waited to see if anyone else would be joining you for the ride.

Eventually, the doors slid shut, locking the two of you in there by yourselves. You turned to him, your eyes heavy as your gaze scanned him as a whole, scarily similar to a predator and its prey. He was wearing a simple white button down and fitted black jeans. He had chosen a new cologne for dinner, one you’d never noticed him wear before. It was musky, strong hints of sage and cedar, and it was driving you wild.

“Thank you for dinner.” You whispered, your voice thick with emotion as he caught your eye.

“You don’t have to thank me for anything.” He assured you, sliding a hand to your hip as he pulled you closer. You couldn’t help but notice the gravitational pull towards him, like the universe was pushing you straight into his arms and giving you no other choice. You settled comfortably in the nook of his arm, your chest pressed against him as his hand grew dangerously close to your ass.

You could see it in his eyes, too. The alcohol had taken a quick effect after a day spent in the sun, leaving him a bit more courageous than he usually was. His head was turned down, watching your face as you stared up at him. It was in that moment, the slightly inebriated and overtired man realized the truth of the situation; he was absolutely smitten, head over heels for you and for far more than what you had to offer behind closed doors. Weeks of constant company and endless memories had left him feeling exhausted in the best possible way, and worse than that, teetering on the edge of the emotion you had both been trying to ignore.

You couldn’t chastise him, because the liquor had you pondering all of the same ideas.

“You sure about that?” You asked, raising your hand to his chest and gently running your fingers over the soft material of his shirt. The light touch, even through the fabric, sent a shiver down his spine. “There’s nothing I can do to thank you?” Your hand trailed down his chest, tickling over his abdomen and finally stopping just above the buckle of his belt. He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, swallowing hard as he watched desire begin to cloud your eyes.

“Well, when you put it that way…” he trailed off, the hum of his voice rattling his chest and in turn, your own. Feeling confident, you dropped your hand a little lower, your fingertip grazing over the metal teeth of the zipper on his jeans. You could see the muscles in his jaw tense, and you could feel his hardening length already. Your actions were not helping his situation, but they were definitely helping your situation.

You gave him a little smirk, pushing your luck a little further, but all it seemed to do was push him over the edge. His free hand came up to cup your cheek, giving you little time to react before he was leaning forward and capturing you in a kiss. Your stomach twisted with need, the ache between your legs growing tenfold as his tongue grazed your bottom lip. He tasted sweet, fruity just like the drink you finished off moments before, and it was driving you mad.

Although the entire day was filled with fun, wholesome memories you would cherish for the rest of your life, you’d been waiting for this.

With little shame, he guided your hips into his own, giving him little to no relief and only crazing him more. You raised your hands to his neck, your fingers tangling in the hair that laid over his shoulders as you held him closer to you.

If you had it your way, you’d let him have his way with you right then and there.

Just as you let a moan slip into his mouth, the elevator came to a halt and a sharp ding sent the two of you away from each other. You turned your head, looking at the floor number as you realized it was not your stop. When the doors swung open, Danny grabbed you by the hips and positioned you in front of him, just in enough time to remain concealed as another hotel guest stepped inside.

Your heart raced, beating against your ribcage with a fervor as you leaned back into him. Your ass met perfectly with his hips, and his cock strained against his jeans only made you resent the poor man who was just looking to catch the elevator.

Thankfully, his stop was before yours, and he saw himself out almost as soon as he stepped inside. When the two of you were alone again, it didn’t take long for Daniel’s hands to go wandering. He reached around you a little further, his fingertips resting on your stomach as he slowly slid his hand upwards until it landed just below your chest.

“You think we could get away with fucking in the elevator?” Clearly, he was on the same train of thought as you were, spiraling further as you pushed your hips backwards on him.

“Probably not, considering we almost got caught already.” You giggled, feeling his hand cup around your braless breast, only the thin material of your dress separating you from him.

“Worth a shot though, right?” You could hear the smile in his tone, wondering how he made it so easy to feel so carefree. You felt like a horny teenager, excited at the prospect of living for the first time and unbothered by any consequences. He brushed your hair to one shoulder, leaning down and pressing his lips to your neck. At the same time, his thumb traced over your hardened nipple, both sensations working together to turn you into a mess.

“You can wait the three extra minutes it takes to get to our room.” You said, your words breathy as his tongue traced over a sensitive area of skin. Your eyes fluttered closed and your stomach twisted in a knot, making you wonder if you could wait the three extra minutes.

“Normally, yes.” He agreed, humming the words against your burning skin, slick with his saliva. You tried not to think too hard about it in fear of losing all self control. “But not when you look this fucking good. Not when you act like this.” He said, noticing the movement of your hips just like you hoped he would. You could feel his heart thrumming in his chest, making the display all the more intimate as he held you close to him.

“Can’t take a little heat, Daniel?” You tried to chastise him for it, but the whine that followed your statement made you look like a fool.

“If I remember correctly, you started this, not me.” He reminded you, pulling the top of your dress down to expose your chest. The chill of the AC was a shock, but he didn’t take long warming you back up with his hand. The feeling of his skin on yours was even more euphoric, only worsening as he began rolling your nipple between his thumb and forefinger. “Seems like you want to get yourself in trouble.”

“Daniel, we can wait. Seriously.” You tried again, but it was no use, you were too far gone and he wasn’t open to discussing the matter any further.

“Where’s the fun in that, Utah?” He teased, his fist already beginning to bunch up the fabric of your knee length dress. “Wonder if that stop button will sound an alarm…” he trailed off, his eyes settled on the bright red button, devious thoughts filling his mind.

“Yes, probably.” You rolled your eyes, unable to believe he was truly considering the possibility.

“Only one way to find out.” He shrugged, dropping his hand from you and sliding out from behind you. You grabbed his forearm, stopping him before he could move any further away, a look of warning in your eyes as he grinned at you.

“Where’s your sense of adventure, baby?” There was a condescending tone in his voice, but you knew he didn’t truly mean it. Still, it irked you beyond belief as you dropped your hold on his arm.

If he wanted to take the chance, he could take the responsibility if you got in trouble.

Even if his cocky attitude was getting on your nerves, you couldn’t deny the wetness pooling between your legs from his actions. Besides, you were in a town where you knew nobody and would likely never return to. The thrill the idea gave you was enough to pique your interest, and as his finger settled over the stop button, you no longer felt any need to argue with him.

The wine definitely wasn’t helping your poor judgment, but you figured however it went, you could deal with the consequences later.

Right now, the only thing you cared about was getting his hands on you again, and the walk to your room seemed far too long to endure while needing it so intensely.

The two of you held your breath as he applied pressure to the button, your eyes locked with his as you prepared for the shrill sound of an alarm. You felt the elevator come to a stop, making you lose your balance ever so slightly. Gripping on to the rail tighter, your stomach twisted with anxiety. After a few seconds passed and silence remained, you both let out an audible breath of relief.

Without any further thought, you sprung forward and wrapped your arms around his neck. His hands found your hips, pulling you closer as you pressed your lips to his. This time, you had no fear of interruption and your hands grabbed the collar of his shirt, so far gone you were tempted to tear it straight from his body.

“Better be quick if you don’t want to get caught.” You breathed, squeezing your eyes shut as his lips attached to your neck. He sucked a mark into the skin below your ear, his large hands sliding backwards as his palms cupped your ass. You felt a whine slip through your lips, nearly embarrassed about how desperate you were for him and how easy it was for him to get you there.

“That’s up to you, baby.” He corrected, his fingers gathering the soft cotton of your dress as he pulled it upwards. The chill of the air on your legs only furthered the ache between your legs, reminding you of how risky the situation was. Although you had always been rebellious and impulsive, this side of you did not exist until you met him. “If you’re good, we’ll be back in our room in no time.”

He pulled your dress up over your hips, his fingers dusting over the smooth skin of your thighs. He trailed them upwards, ready to taunt you with a snap of the elastic band of your underwear, but seemed to freeze in place for a moment. On your hip, where it usually sat, was bare and telling of the mischief you were hoping to cause.

“Fuck, babe.” He hummed, looking down at your face through his dark lashes.

“You like it?” You flashed a sickly sweet smile, using one hand to hold up the skirt for him. His hand moved between your legs, his middle finger wasting no time running through your folds and gathering your arousal. He trailed it up to your clit, tracing slow circles into the already sensitive bundle of nerves. Your legs quivered as you felt a pull of pleasure deep in your stomach. “Did it just for you.” You forced through your teeth, already lost in the sensation and trying your best to keep your composure.

“You shouldn’t have.” He smirked, noticing your eyebrows furrowed together as he applied more pressure. “You’re too good to me.”

“I can be nice sometimes.” You sucked in a sharp breath, all of the tension that had been building all day finally having an outlet.

Watching him, shirtless on the beach was almost too much to handle, but you persevered until dinner, where he only seemed to want to torture you more. He dressed up, an expensive looking watch on his wrist and a shiny gold chain around his neck. The ring on his middle finger drew attention to his already captivating hands, making it hard to ignore the picture in your mind of his fingers closing around your neck.

The wine had clouded your mind, leaving you lightheaded and making your normal anxieties flee you completely. The entire evening spent in the restaurant left your fingers intertwined with his, or on his knee below the table, gently tickling his jean-clad thighs. Even your legs were intertwined, and you seemed to gravitate closer to him the more that time passed.

Silently, you’d been begging him to take you back to your room all night, and now you couldn’t handle another minute without him.

“Since you were so nice, I suppose it would only be right if I was, too.” He bargained, his nose brushing over your shoulder as his tongue grazed your collarbone. Your skin was littered with goosebumps, your head swirling with thoughts pertaining only to him.

“God, you make it sound like a chore.” You snipped, feeling his teeth gently close over the flesh of your shoulder.

“Not a chore, no.” He muttered a disagreement, his middle finger still keeping a steady pace on your clit. “I enjoy it quite a lot, actually.” At that, a nervous flutter erupted in your belly, making your cheeks burn red and your heart beat a little faster. It was difficult to comprehend anyone being kind to you, but kindness from him was even better than anyone else’s. You couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that he wanted to be with you, to be around you—he wanted you, and you had no idea why.

Even if you didn’t understand it, you certainly weren’t protesting it.

“Here, baby.” He nudged you back towards the wall, closing in on you until your back pressed against the cool surface. Without any further hesitation, he dropped to his knees before you, wasting little time as he guided your leg over his shoulder.

“Oh, fuck!” You gasped, feeling the warmth of his mouth connect with your aching core. Your posture slipped slightly, your entire body melting into the feeling as his tongue swirled around your clit. You felt him smile against you, floored by the immediate reaction and eager to keep up the momentum.

Your hips bucked forward against his tongue, the friction gentle enough so not to overwhelm you right away, but just enough to give you the relief you were searching for. A high pitched moan filled the tiny space, echoing off the metal panel walls and contained behind the heavy doors. For a moment, you forgot where you were and what you were doing, focused solely on feeling one with him.

There was something so profound about the two of you that it made your head ache and your bones heavy. You wondered why it took so long to find him, and more importantly, why it couldn’t last forever.

The knowledge that he would be leaving haunted you, infiltrating every dream and waking thought, consuming you every second of the day. After twenty three long years of misery, you were finally comfortable, and more than that, happy. It felt like two decades spent wandering aimlessly finally landed you in the right spots, that the mistakes you made didn’t matter and the scars you collected could fade rather than stay red and angry forever.

However, you knew that the peacefulness that came with his company was bound to end no matter if he packed up and left or stayed in New York forever, for he did not know the truth about the woman he was falling for. In fact, he hardly knew anything at all.

You wanted to let him in, to show him the jagged edges and daunting faces of all the monsters in your closet, but you were afraid. Being bright and shiny was difficult, and pretending things were perfect was hard, but showing him your innermost struggles was even worse. You had given him pieces of you that you never intended to hand out, and even if he handled them with care and caution, you worried he might not do the same if he knew everything.

You were privy to the fact that your past was hard to digest, mostly because you still struggled to swallow it down. You longed to bare your soul to him, to give him all of you, mostly because you had never done it with anyone else. It was hard to carry it around on your lonesome, and sorrowful to constantly feel so isolated. You wanted to share it with him not because you needed help with the weight of it, but because he was the only person you could trust with it.

Still, you feared it would send him running, and cutting your time shorter than it already was seemed agonizing.

But you could let him in a little, right? Show him some things, but not enough to reveal yourself too much?

The thought was tempting, and the more days that passed, the more comfortable you felt about doing so. You just wished that he would continue to be around, to be in your life even when he was far away and living a completely different lifestyle. The thought of telling him such things and then returning to strangers made you sick, which ultimately forced your hand in the matter, locking up all of the things you came a little too close to sharing.

After all, you were friends. No more, no less.

Very close friends—closer than anyone who ever came before him.

Friends who fucked. A lot.

And friends who slept on hotel beds with rose petals and shared bottles of champagne. Friends who drank a little too much wine at dinner and let the sparkle in their eyes shine, showing more emotion than they should for the label they put upon themselves.

God, what a mess.

A beautiful, intricate, life changing mess.

Your hands tangled in his curls, the softness of his hair on your skin comforting as pleasure twisted your stomach. You wanted it so bad your limbs were aching, locked and trembling as he continued to use his tongue to push you closer to the edge. You were shamelessly riding his face, your hips moving with no intent to slow. The pleasure took precedence over shame, and the feeling he was giving you was too strong to resist.

You needed an orgasm, so badly that you managed to push all other thoughts out of your mind, which was something you had never been good at. Perhaps the idea of people waiting for the elevator, wondering what was taking so long and almost willing to report the issue at the front desk, was forcing you to remain focused.

Either that, or how good he was making you feel quickly outshined any other worldly trouble you could think of.

“Come on baby,” Danny pleaded, pulling away just enough to talk you through it. He let his thumb take the place of his tongue, not daring to slow down the momentum as he looked up at you through locks of his hair. Your expression was telling of all that you were feeling; your eyebrows knitted together and your lips parted as whiny moans filled the air. Your cheeks were flushed and your eyes were clouded with lust. “Being so good for me. Don't make me wait any longer.” He caught your eye, the glisten of your arousal on his chin making the knot in your belly tighten even further.

You were a mess for him, and he was keen on keeping it that way.

He returned his mouth to you, the warm wetness of his tongue a million times more enjoyable than the rough pad of his thumb (though, you’d never been picky, especially when it came to him). He let out a hum, pleased just from the taste of you on his lips. You watched his face, delirious from the sight of his beauty as you wondered how you got so lucky.

You didn’t have to wonder for long, because the knot in your belly snapped under the tension, leaving your legs weak and your mind blank as you descended into your climax. Your fingers tightened around the locks of his hair, your body slack as you tried to push your weight against the wall to keep you upright. He had a hand on your hip, his fingers bruising the skin as he used his strength to help you, never wanting you to fear falling so long as he was by your side.

His name slipped past your lips, sung like a hymn and washing down over him like summer rain. Never in all of his years on earth had it ever sounded so beautiful. He wished you could scream it from rooftops, speak it until your lips turned blue and your lungs deflated from a lack of air. He never wanted you to stop saying his name, no matter if it was selfish of him to think so.

He worked you through the high, attentive until the very last second. Your legs relaxed, still wobbly as the height of the pleasure passed you by. Your heart pounded against your ribs as you sucked in a long breath, regaining some of your senses as he parted from you. Your mind was still hazy as he moved your leg from his shoulder, standing slowly as he kept a firm hand on your hip.

With little help from you, he spun you around and pulled your hips backwards ever so slightly. Tired and still fighting the effects from the wine and the lingering orgasm, you pressed your cheek against the cool metal panelling and let the temperature sooth your burning skin. You heard the metallic clang of his belt buckle as he freed himself from his pants, a whole new rush of emotion flooding you just at the thought of what was to come next.

You wiggled your hips back towards him a little further, silently showing him you were eager for him to continue. His hand ghosted over your ass, a long inhale sounding from him as he admired the scene before him. You swallowed your insecurities, knowing that he viewed you much differently than you saw yourself, but still self-conscious as you felt his eyes rake over you.

“Fuck me, please.” You whispered, a slight quiver in your voice as you tried to draw his attention elsewhere. “Please, baby.” You continued, hoping he could feel how badly you needed him from your words alone.

“Since you asked so nicely.” He crooned, his voice low and gravelly as he lined himself up with your entrance. The action sent your body into overdrive, feeling yourself clench around nothing as you anticipated the feeling of him being inside you.

He pushed his hips forward, letting out a hiss of pleasure at the feeling of you wrapped around him. The stretch was slightly painful, but you couldn’t help but focus on how perfect it felt, like the two of you were made for each other.

“God, you feel so fucking good, Y/N.” Danny’s posture faltered slightly, his top half leaning forward into you as he gave in to the pleasure for a moment.

“S’all for you, Danny.” You promised. Although there was a lack of labels on the two of you, there was no doubt that you were one-hundred percent his, and he was yours. The fact alone was freeing, liberating you from your torturous mind and for once, giving you a breath of hope that the next fifty years did not have to be the same as the previous twenty.

The thought twisted your stomach, forcing a plethora of other things to swarm your mind. For the first time in your life, you could see seventy, and not in some miserable, shrouded state of you hunched over in a rocking chair, still angry about the choices you made as a teen. You pictured seventy with aching lungs from laughing and crows feet by your eyes from smiling so much, grandkids around and begging you to tell stories of how you met their grandfather.

The grandfather in question was not some random old man who you would encounter years from now, but the very same man who stood behind you now, whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

Seventy did not seem uncertain and unappealing—for the briefest of moments, you felt a shred of joy at the thought. Excitement, even.

Troubles would come to pass, but never destroy you as they had in the past, because you believed with Daniel by your side, you could conquer every bad thing and kick any lingering habits.

But he was leaving, and you were friends.

He would not be by your side when you had gray hair and wrinkles. He would not shout loudly over a blaring television to catch your attention because the years had greatly depleted your hearing. He would not share wisdom and stories with your grandchildren, because he would not even be here when the year came to an end. A few months from now, he would be packed and ready to head to Nashville, ready to make an even bigger name for himself without you to hold him back or tie him down.

In three months, you would not even be a passing thought in his mind. You would be nothing, equated to a summer fling that served just enough purpose to keep him company and ensure he was not bored.

If you were just friends, a fling with no strings attached, why the hell did it hurt so bad?

“Where’d you go, bug?” Danny’s hips slowed, concern thick in his voice as he reached up and brushed the hair from your face. With worried eyes, you looked back at him over your shoulder, your stomach twisted with sadness as the warm brown of his irises seemed to stare straight into your soul.

“I’m okay,” you breathed, blinking hard as you tried to bring yourself back to earth. The ache in your chest was still very much alive, but seeing his face made it ease indefinitely. “Just feels so good.” You weren’t lying, because it did feel good. You were just withholding the truth about your mental absence, which to you was much different.

“You sure?” He asked, not fully believing you and always hyper-aware of your comfortability.

“Promise, baby.” You gave him a soft smile, leaning a little further back and pressing a kiss to his lips. At the feeling, his hips pushed forward automatically, showing you how little it took to drive him crazy.

Maybe he felt it, too.

You pushed the thought from your head, knowing it would serve no purpose to feed into a delusion. Instead, you let yourself live in the moment, just the same as you had been since the day you met him. When he began a steady pace with his hips again, it was much easier to let go and move on from the sick feeling in your stomach.

“Ah, fuck.” You whined, letting your forehead rest against your forearm. “Better hurry up, honey. Wouldn’t want to get caught.”

“Let someone catch us.” He hummed, gathering your curled hair in his hand and wrapping it around his closed fist. He pulled your head backwards, his lips settling just over your ear as he added more force to his thrusts. “One look at you and they’d know why I couldn’t wait any longer.” At the sound of his words, your eyes squeezed shut and your walls fluttered around him, pulling him in even further. “That’s it, baby. Just like that.” He smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of your neck and you rocked your hips backwards into him, desperate for more than he could give.

There was something about him, so intoxicating and alluring that it made all of the fear go away. Your normal apprehension, your new found need to think twice, all seemed to disappear as soon as you were near him. It was almost as if nothing else mattered so long as he was beside you, because the only thing that made any sense was being in his company. With him by your side, you felt like you could do anything.

“God, you’re so tight.” He hissed through his teeth, also seemingly lost in the euphoria of being inside of you. He didn’t care if he got in trouble, because every second spent with you was worth any kind of risk. “Feel so fucking good like this. Does it feel good, baby? Want to hear how good it feels.”

“Feels good.” You reiterated his point, a strangled cry leaving your lips as you felt him brush against the sensitive spot he knew so well. “Could stay like this with you forever.” You confessed, your moans growing louder and more intense as he continued at the same pace.

“Think I like the sound of that.” He chuckled, reaching one hand around your hips and settling his middle finger over your clit. “My beautiful girl, just like this, forever.” He crooned, reiterating your point as he began to trace slow circles into the sensitive area. Your legs trembled under the weight of your body, both sensations sending your body into overdrive and making it difficult to stay upright.

“Danny,” you warned, your voice weak as euphoria began to creep in on you. The tingle began in the very tips of your toes and fingers, quickly snaking up your limbs and wrapping around your torso. You felt light, the pleasure pulsing under your skin and behind your eyes. You tried your best to resist it, but you knew it was no use.

“Cum for me, baby.” He encouraged you, just as far gone and ready for a release.

It didn’t take much convincing—with one last thrust of his hips, you were pushed over the edge and were sent spiraling once again. His name fell from your lips amidst a slur of curses and raspy cries. He raised one hand to your mouth, clamping it over your lips to silence the sounds begging to escape. As much as he would have liked to listen and commit all of them to memory, he knew it was best not to draw any more attention to your current situation.

Before you came down from the high, he was reaching his climax too. You rode out the last of the pleasure as he spilled his release inside of you. He leaned forward, his chest flush against your back as he let out a long breath, the tail end of it resembling more of a whine. You felt yourself clench around him, the sound producing a whole new immortal desire within you. Before you let it get any further, you shook the thought from your head and returned back to reality.

Danny’s arms snaked around you, squeezing around your torso as he held you close. He wasn’t ready to part ways, to end the moment that left him so blissful and calm. You relaxed into his touch, figuring another minute wouldn’t hurt anything. Eventually, he placed a kiss to your shoulder blade, his nose brushing against your skin and sending butterflies erupting in your stomach and chest. Carefully he withdrew himself, taking a step back as he let your dress fall back to your knees. You straightened up, your cheeks turning crimson as you squeezed your thighs together. The lack of underwear seemed like a cheeky choice at the time, but now it was biting you in the ass. With a knowing smirk on his lips, he buckled his belt and adjusted himself in his pants, then reached forward and pressed the emergency stop button. Within seconds, the elevator began to ascend to the top floor as if nothing happened at all.

“Better hurry back to the room, Utah. Wouldn’t want to make a mess.”

𓇢𓆸

June 14th, 2022 - 11:43 PM

Tired and no longer tipsy (but a bit stoned from the joint Danny provided), you were curled up under the comforter on the king bed. The television was playing reruns of a sitcom in the background, but neither of you were paying attention to the corny jokes and cheesy laugh tracks. Instead, your legs were tangled delicately with Danny’s as you laid on your side, your head resting comfortably on the fluffy pillow below you. He was close to you, also on his side and facing you with one hand draped over your waist. His eyes were heavy and red, a permanent upturn of his lips sending butterflies erupting in your stomach every time you thought of it for too long.

He was tracing shapes into your skin, his touch featherlight and tickling you further every time he moved. Your hand was hovering over his arm, your fingers doing the same as his. The moment was filled with intimacy, just like the rest of the evening so far. Since returning from dinner, you’d only left the bed twice; once to share a joint on the patio attached to the room, and Daniel left to get concessions at the front lobby to stave off the midnight munchies. Other than that, you had stayed wrapped up in him and cherished every second you had alone with him.

Conversation was limited, the day filled with activities leaving you both exhausted. The weed was no help, and every time the television went quiet, you felt the lull of sleep draw your eyes closed for a moment. You forced them back open, deciding that time spent with him was much more important than sleep, especially knowing that it was limited.

You were so full of emotion it felt like your chest would explode, and you were having a hard time swallowing it back. You were certain he could see the sparkle of admiration in your eye, telling him more than you were willing to give. You wished to let him in, the thoughts that came to you in the elevator still plaguing your mind and only ever growing louder the longer you ignored them. You were still afraid, in a constant back and forth battle with your own mind, and it was relentless.

The haze from the high left your guard down, and the sleepiness was only worsening the situation. Would it be so bad? You didn’t have to tell him everything. Opening up wasn’t the worst, especially knowing he would keep it just as safe as you would. Besides, he had proven he was a good listener, and you thought he was the only person in the world you could share a piece of your soul with and not come to regret it.

Oh, to hell with it. You were tired of always holding back, tired of living halfway instead of fully. You wanted him to know you, so what was the big deal? Even if he was leaving, even if he would become a stranger again in the future, you knew deep down that you wouldn’t regret it. He was the only person in the world you ever wanted to see you as you were, rather than the mask you put on for everyone else.

“You know, I’ve never really had anything like this before.” You whispered, your voice raspy from the smoke and sleepiness.

“What do you mean?” He asked, his tone gentle and intrigued. He gave a soft smile, happy that you were willing to offer any kind of personal details. He knew you were reserved when it came to sharing your story, so he waited patiently in hopes you would eventually feel comfortable enough to do so, and now it finally seemed to be paying off.

“I don’t know… like this. Us.” You explained, finding it difficult to phrase. You didn’t know exactly what you were, aside from being messy. “I didn’t have many friends growing up… and the ones I did weren’t really friends, I guess. Never had someone care like this before.” You swore you saw his eyes twinkle at the recognition, but you tried not to focus on it. When you did, it only made your stomach do somersaults, and you were still trying to convince yourself there were no feelings involved in your relationship.

“Tell me more.” He urged, tracing hearts into the bare skin of your hip. Your heart raced at the touch and the idea that he wanted to know you genuinely, rather than just on the surface.

“What do you want to know?” You giggled, pulling the blanket a little tighter to your chest.

“Everything.” He breathed, his eyes trailing down to the fabric squeezing against you, noticing the spill of your breasts from the taut material wrapped around you. “Whatever you want to tell me.”

“Well,” you started, brushing your hair from your shoulder. You felt the strands tickle your back as they fell behind you, but you paid no mind to it. “I didn’t have the best upbringing, I s’pose. My dad was never around, n’ my mom was… my mom, I guess.” You let out a stale laugh, the sound seeming far away as the weed continued to work at your mind. “That’s a story for a different day. My brothers and I stuck together, thick as thieves because we only ever had each other to rely on. God knows nobody else would do it, ‘cept my grandparents, but they were old and tired. Think they always wanted to get us out of that house, but they knew they couldn’t afford it. Besides, they knew they would never win a fight against my mom. Nobody could. Just the way she is.” The conniving, evil, narcissistic bitch that she was. You kept that thought to yourself, not wanting to make it too heavy on him.

“We grew up in a small town, so everybody talked. Everyone knew everyone's business, even if they shouldn’t have. Think because of that, lots of people had this preconceived notion about us three based off what our parents were like, which isn’t really fair, but I can understand it now. They told their kids to stay away from us, which made it hard to have any kind of social life. Once we got older, things changed a bit and some people came around, but I almost wish they didn’t.” You chuckled, pausing to see if he was still listening. It was hard telling him half a story, especially when you wanted him to know everything, but you knew it was for the best. Maybe someday, but definitely not yet.

“I didn’t have any true friends. We were more like partners in crime, always getting ourselves into trouble and then laughing about it later on. My brothers tried really hard to warn me, but it never really stuck.” You explained, periodically checking to see his reactions to your story. His face showed nothing other than a desire to listen and learn. You thought about your old friendships and relationships, finding parallels to your life now and wondering if the cycle was caused by you, or the universe trying to punish you. “Boyfriends too, I guess. Not like I ever had any real relationships either, but the ones I did were a waste of my time. I got in with the wrong crowd, and it fucked me up more than I ever thought it could.”

“I don’t think you’re fucked up.” Was all he said, catching your eye so you knew he was telling the truth. You gave a sad smile—he didn’t think you were fucked up because he didn’t know. Once the truth came out, you were sure that outlook would change.

“So I’ve never had this.” You changed the topic, avoiding his sweet sentiments like the plague. “Someone who cares, who listens, who wants to be around. Never had someone look out for me like you do… whatever we are and whatever that means.” You have a wry smile, saddened from the thought of not being anything more.

“We’re lots of things, Utah. For what it’s worth, all of those things mean a hell of a lot to me.” He whispered, wording his response carefully so he would not scare you.

“Earlier, in the elevator… It got me thinking about a lot of things. ‘Bout us, more specifically.” You let your eyes close, taking in a long breath to sooth your tight chest. Anxiety was riddling your entire body, and not even the high could satiate the feeling. Being open and emotional was hard for you, but for him, you wanted to try.

For the first time in your life, all you wanted to do was try.

“Like?” He pried a little further, wanting to know what you were thinking about, wondering if it was the same things he was thinking about.

“I want you to know me, Danny. Like, really know me, not the surface level shit I give to everyone else.” You confessed, knowing the only reason it was so easy was the effect of the drug coursing through you.

“So let me.” He smiled, relieved you felt so comfortable with him. Your face fell slightly, your chest burning with sadness as you swallowed the lump stuck in your throat.

“It’s just… it’s not so easy. When we first met, you asked me if everything was a long story, and I laughed it off at the time, but it’s true. Everything is a long story, and it’s a hard story to tell. My life has been anything but boring, and for all the wrong reasons. I want to tell you, I just can’t do it yet, and I don’t know when I’ll be ready.”

“Okay.” He hummed, his thumb reaching soothing circles into your skin. “Tell me whatever you want, whenever you’re ready. I won’t pressure you, and there’s no rush. I like being this person for you, Utah. The one you can trust, the one who looks out for you… I want to keep being that person, as long as you want me to be.”

“I’m scared.” You whispered, catching his eye. The warmth in his stare made the world seem okay, but you feared you could not trust it. You didn’t know how to trust anything, and that was your biggest flaw. “I don’t want it to make you look at me differently. I don’t want to scare you.”

“Then we’ll work on it together. Start slow and then we’ll go from there. I’m not going anywhere.”

Oh, how you wished it was true.

“Start slow?” You asked, pushing the end of the summer far away from your mind. You had to enjoy him while you could, and you felt deep down that part of enjoying him included being vulnerable with him.

“As slow as you want, baby.” He promised, giving a gentle nod.

“Okay.” You spoke so quietly it was almost hard for you to hear yourself, but he waited patiently for you to keep going. You wondered where to start, what you could say to let him in just enough to reap the benefits but avoid the consequences. Figuring it was the easiest, you started with you and him, and why you were so reserved about loving him.

“You know, I say that we’re friends a lot… I know that whatever this is, whatever we are, is more than friends, even if we don’t have a label on it. I don’t want you to think that it’s because I don’t want to be more, because I do, I just don’t know how to be.” You explained, choosing your words carefully. “I have this undying desire to love people, and to take care of them. I don’t know if it’s because I genuinely want to, or if it’s an easy way to avoid doing it for myself. I do all of the motions, do everything a girlfriend should but I run away when I think about a label so serious. Vincent kind of threw it in my face the other day, and I know it was because he was hurting about something else, but it really made me think about it.”

“How so?”

“I commit myself completely, and then I throw the friend label on it as if it lessens my commitment somehow. To me, friends sounds better, because I don’t know what a real relationship is or how it works. Maybe I’m trying to protect myself, convincing myself that it will hurt less when it ends —and that comes back to me always expecting everyone to leave when things get tough.” You shrugged, finding yourself tracing the stick and poke sun on the back of your hand. It was a nervous tick that you’d coined not long after rehab, and you did it subconsciously more often than not. You wondered if he was judging you, if he was too nice to say that you were crazy, but when you allowed yourself to study the look in his eye, it was nothing but sincere.

“Growing up, my parents didn’t teach us a whole lot, and what they did wasn’t good. A lot of fighting, a lot of blame, and even some violence.” You chuckled, even if the situation was not funny at all. “They taught us bad decisions, how to avoid accountability, and lots of other stuff, but never love. My parents were together on and off until I was ten, and when they were on, they should not have been. Never loyal to each other, and they were fucking miserable on their lonesome and even more so when they were together. Eventually, when my dad left for good, my mom got together with a guy who was worse than my dad, which I didn’t even think was possible. We didn’t have a fuckin’ shot.”

You braced yourself for sympathy, already regretting telling him because you knew what you would receive, but it never came. Instead, he remained stoic, the corners of his lips dipping down into the tiniest frown as he studied you in silence. Then, quiet and gentle, he spoke.

“It’s crazy how life works, sometimes.” He started, hoping he wasn’t deterring your desire to share by giving input. “How someone so fantastic has to endure something so terrible, how someone so precious came from something so hard.” You sniffed away a tear that sprung to your eye, your chest burning from his sweet words. You wondered if he knew everything, would he still view you in such light? Or would your darkness become too much and taint the radiance that was him? “You know, learning all this stuff doesn’t change how I feel about you, Utah. What happened before doesn’t change who you are now, and that’s the person I love spending time with. As much as I hate knowing you’ve been hurt before, it would never change how I think of you.”

“There’s so much shit, Danny. So much you don’t know… so much I’m not sure I want you to know.” You argued, a tear slipping down your cheek as you squeezed your eyes shut. Your chest ached, your stomach sick as you pictured the look on his face when he finally learned all of the pieces to your twisted little jigsaw puzzle of a life.

“So what, Utah?” He gave a soft smile, reaching up and swiping away your tears with his thumb. For a moment, the pain in your heart was replaced with warmth, making you wonder how he always made it so easy to fall further for him. “Everything that happened made you into the person laying beside me right now. To you, it seems ugly, but to me… it’s just a story. We all have one.”

“You always know what to say, huh?” Feeling more tears flood your cheeks, you wished you could disappear and turn to dust, for the mattress to open up and swallow you whole. You didn’t want him to see you like this, but you knew if you were going to open yourself up to him, he’d be seeing a lot worse than some tears and a broken heart. It scared you, but at the same time, it made you feel lighter than ever before.

Nobody had ever been so calm, so accepting of your feelings and your faults, but there he sat, ready and willing to listen and take whatever you had to offer him. He was the best thing this world had ever known, and you were sure of it. As much as you were grateful, you also wondered what you did to deserve him, almost fearing that there was something he was hiding that would offset the beauty of his existence.

‘No, Y/N.’ You stopped your train of thought before it could progress any further. ‘Apple Juice—not the big complicated mess.’

If you continued searching for a flaw, you would end up creating them all on your own, ruining something good for no real reason at all. It was your best trait, but you couldn’t stomach the idea of inflicting that fate upon him. He deserved more, and because of that, you were determined to be more, to be the person he deserved to have.

“It’s not a bit or an act, Y/N. It’s the truth. I haven’t and I would never lie to you.” He said, still wiping away tears as they fell. You weren’t sure why you were plagued with so much guilt at his confession; you hadn’t lied to him, but you had withheld the truth. Was that the same thing to him? To you, it wasn’t, but maybe it was just a poor justification for your shitty actions, for your need to keep him in the dark.

But he knew there was stuff you were holding back; you had been more than open about that, and he was choosing to stay. He would make his own judgment about the situation when the time came, but he refused to start this relationship with you with preconceived notions and ideas about a person he hardly knew.

He was so much better than you, and every day that passed only further proved that.

“If being friends is easier for you, that’s okay, Utah. I don’t need a label to be secure about how I feel about us.” He promised, his thumb drifting over your still damp cheek as a soothing gesture. “If calling ourselves friends and still doing whatever we’re doing makes it so I can be with you, I’ll take it, and I’ll be happy about it.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be more, Danny. I truly am—you deserve the world, and since the day I met you, that’s all I wanted to give you.”

“You give me so much more than you know.” He whispered, the softness of his tone paired with the loving actions making it impossible to keep your eyes off of him. “Whenever you want to tell me more, I’ll be here, ready to listen. Hopefully, when you’re ready, I can show you something different, that I’m different. That I want to be here and help you, and that I’m not going anywhere. We’ll take it at your pace, baby. I’m happy as long as I’m with you, no matter what we’re doing or what we are.”

It was hard to focus on his sweet sentiments, especially when he continued to promise that he wasn’t going anywhere, even whilst knowing the end of the summer would mean the end of the two of you.

If he had never and would never lie, why was he promising himself forever when you both knew your relationship had an expiration date?

June 28, 2022

Your phone ringing loudly on your bed beside your head woke you with a start. With blurry eyes and an aching head, you turned the screen to see who was daring to disturb you. You blinked a few times to allow your vision to focus, and your previous annoyance disappeared in an instant. You hit accept and pressed the speakerphone option, immediately hearing the whir of traffic on the street in the background.

“To whom do I owe the pleasure, Michigan?” Sleepiness was laced in your tone, a lazy smile on your lips as you heard him chuckle.

“Just wondering if you’re up for a few visitors? Should have texted before we came, but I got ahead of myself.” A touch of guilt filled his tone, but you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“You’re always welcome here.” You assured him.

“Great. We’re downstairs.” He informed you. “Wanna let us in?”

“Yeah—give me five and I’ll be right down.” You breathed, throwing the tattered old blanket from your legs and sliding out of bed.

“No rush.” He assured you, a smile clear in his tone.

“A little rush—“ Sam’s smart remark was cut short, a groan sounding from him instead. You assumed Daniel’s fist collided with his arm, his protective nature growing tenfold when it came to you. “See you soon, Utah!” Sam recovered quickly, replacing his earlier sentiments with a cheery tone.

With that, Daniel ended the call, leaving you staring at the notifications on your Lock Screen but not fully registering them. You rushed to the bathroom, quickly brushing through your knotted hair with one hand as you brushed your teeth with the other. You applied some mascara and lipgloss after washing your face, and dabbed on a touch of blush on your cheeks. Once you were satisfied, you ran back to your room to change. You picked out an old cropped tank top and a pair of jean shorts that were a tad snug around your hips. Since getting sober, you noticed some weight begin to return to your body, which was as uplifting as it was motivating.

You weren’t sure why the two were at your apartment so early—the night prior, you and Daniel had spent most of the evening lounging on your couch as you watched Netflix (his, of course) on your laptop. When darkness took to the sky, he sadly informed you he had to head back to the Airbnb, without an invitation for you to come with him. You thought it was odd, especially considering you hadn’t spent a night apart in weeks, but you didn’t pry. Instead, you took the opportunity to work on your novel without any distractions or disturbances, which allowed for you to make a whole lot more progress than you thought you would.

You left your front door open, knowing the other tenants of your building wouldn’t dare go in (it wasn’t like there was much to steal anyway). Most were too old to leave their house, and the others were too strung out to know where they were. The remaining few stragglers were either at work or not home. You rushed down the stairs, seeing the two patiently waiting at the front door. With a smile on your face, you lifted up on the handle and pushed it open, allowing them to step inside. Before they had a chance to greet you, a leashed Rosie ran to greet you, her tail wagging happily as she sniffed at your hands.

“Hello, sweet girl.” You grinned, giving her some attention before you turned to the two boys. “And hello Daniel and Sam.” You added.

“What, no nicknames for us?” Sam feigned offense to your greeting, clearly teasing.

“Right, sorry.” You chuckled, as if you had forgotten completely. “Hello Dumb and Dumber.” You corrected yourself, stifling a laugh as Sam’s lips turned down into a frown.

“First one was better.” He deducted.

“What’s all that?” You asked, motioning to the bags in their hands.

“Let’s go upstairs and you’ll find out.” Danny said, placing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Can I help?” You asked, reaching for a bag. He retracted his arm, giving a slight shake of his head and soft smile.

“Don’t worry about it, Utah.” He hummed, nodding to the stairwell. With a shrug, you led them back upstairs.

Before you passed through your front door, you paused in your tracks, noticing a white plastic bag hung on the handle, black sharpie marks scrawled on the front of it. Your eyebrows furrowed as you slipped it off, wondering how you missed it on your way down but not spending too long dwelling. You let the boys in first, a nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach as you watched Sam’s eyes take in the surroundings. He’d yet to step foot into your building, and you wondered if he would be as accepting as his best friend, or if he would pass judgment like so many others would have.

You closed the door behind you with force, shaking the knob to ensure it latched shut. You flipped the lock, noticing it was stuck and refusing to work with you. With a huff of annoyance, you shoved your shoulder against the hollow wooden paneling, using your body weight to hold it shut as you twisted the deadbolt. Finally, it clicked in place and you eased up on your shoulder, looking to the other two who weren’t even aware of your struggle.

“I love these windows, Utah.” Sam stared in awe at the large panel windows of your living room, casting rays of golden light through the entire apartment. Overlooking the mold growing on the waterlogged sills, he went straight to the style of the glass. “Very Victorian.” He commented, his eyes trailing to the art hanging on the walls peeling of their paint.

“Well, thank ya.” You smiled, noticing the seriousness in his tone. They didn’t see you as some poverty stricken struggler. They saw their friend, who lived in a worn down apartment complex that still had some breathtaking elements despite its flaws.

They were too good for you, and you felt horrible for placing blame on them for something they would never do. Since the day you met them, they had never made you feel lesser for your lifestyle, even if it was different than theirs.

Maybe you just needed to hear someone else’s appreciation to find some of your own.

“What’s that?” Danny asked, raising an eyebrow as he sat the surplus of bags down on your kitchen table. He was referring to the little bag held in your hand, which you seemingly forgot about amidst your anxious thoughts.

“Oh!” You exclaimed, looking down at it yourself. “Not sure. Let’s see.” You said, pulling it towards your face. At the rustle of the plastic, Rose’s ears perked up and she trotted over to join you, hopeful for a treat.

“Here, Rose.” Sam called out to her, reaching in his pocket and grabbing a bone shaped biscuit for her. He tossed it to her, and she caught it in her mouth with little hesitation.

You turned your attention back to the bag, noticing the word ‘dollface’ scrawled across the thin plastic. You knew it was from Vincent and Dylan, but you had no idea what it was or why they dropped it off. More than that, you wondered why they didn’t knock and come inside. You gave them your spare key way back when you started working at the Fox, knowing quickly that they were the only ones you trusted with it. They shared an apartment close by, which meant that if in peril, either one of them could make it to you within minutes if need be.

You untied the top, peering inside with furrowed eyebrows. You grabbed a pack of Marlboro Reds, wrapped in plastic with a shoelace tied around it as a makeshift bow. Alongside it were two joints rolled to perfection encased in a small ziplock bag to keep them safe. A few messily drawn hearts decorated the clear plastic, bringing a small smile to your face. There was a napkin and a small piece of what looked to be receipt paper inside, so you pulled them out too, just to see what it was all about.

On the napkin was a small, handwritten note that was signed by both of them.

sorry we couldn’t aford anythin better doll. happy birthday we love ya! here late last nite didn’t want 2 wake you. cya thursday

Dyl and Vin

The small piece of receipt paper was in fact not a receipt, but a voucher from one of the slot machines at the Pony. It was redeemable for 31.78, which was a whole hell of a lot in Dylan and Vincent’s opinion.

Wait—birthday?

Hastily, you pulled your phone from your back pocket, tapping on the screen to see what the date was. When the white letters stated it was in fact June 28th, you felt a wave of dread wash over you. Not only was it your birthday, it was also your least favorite day of the whole year. Already exhausted just from the thought of surplus of calls and texts from people who cared little about you, you began dreading the yearly Facebook post on your wall from your mother in which she raved on about how much she loved you and how proud she was of you, only to neglect to actually call you or care about you. To her, it was important to maintain outward appearances, even if she had always been your worst enemy and biggest bully.

On top of that, you were twenty-four. Not that you were aging and withering away, but you were sickened at the thought of another year passing you by and having nothing to show for it. No accomplishments, no celebrations, no progress. Another year that left you just as dejected as the last, making you wonder if the rest of your life was destined to be the same things over again in one, relentless, mind numbing cycle.

“It’s my birthday.” You let out a dry chuckle, slipping your phone back in your pocket as you sucked in a sharp breath through your teeth. “I forgot.”

“Really? It’s your birthday? We had no idea.” Sam giggled, finding your forgetfulness amusing. “How’d you forget about your birthday when we didn’t, Utah?” From anyone else, you might have blown a fuse at the lighthearted jokes poking fun at your hidden traumas, but from Sam, it was oddly funny and aided you in pulling yourself from your misery.

“It’s not my most favorite day.” You gave a soft smile, placing the bag from Dylan and Vin on the table after tossing the items back in. “Never really celebrated it when I was a kid. If my mom let me go to my grandparents house we did, but she usually wasn’t that nice.” Sam gave you sad eyes, which made you avert your gaze to the floor. “Most of the time it came a couple days after, the next time we went to my grandparents house. Then they’d have a cake or whatever.” You explained further, trying to lighten the mood.

Even after you moved out of your mothers house birthdays were never anything grandois. The first year, you spent at your eldest brother's tiny apartment where you were so poor you couldn’t even afford the power bill. Eventually, your addiction got too out of hand and you left to spare him from the worst. You spent a year floating around on couches and shelters, and one at your ‘boyfriends’ house (he was a dealer and the house was a trap). The fourth still in Utah, you spent at the Pinnacle Recovery Centre, where they gave you a cupcake and decorated the common room.

Your first one in New York was spent at the Pony, which got you in more trouble than you ever expected. You originally went to cash in the voucher for the slots Vin and Dylan gave you that year, but got caught up in the cheap drinks and company at the blackjack table. Your ‘winnings’ consisted of a dime bag, which made for a wonderful gift. A night spent in the detox box and a surrendered key tag made you vow to never celebrate your birthday ever again.

“Well, this year, that’s going to change.” Sam assured you, taking a seat in one of the rickety chairs at the table.

“Guys, you don’t have to—“ you began to protest, but Danny held up his index finger to cut you short.

“We want to.” He said, a tone of finality in his voice. “Maybe after today, you’ll change your mind.”

“Guys, this is too much.” You whined, crossing your arms over your chest, plagued with guilt at the idea of them spending so much time and effort on a day no different than any other. “It’s just a birthday. It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s your birthday, Utah.” Danny corrected. “It is a big deal to us—to me.” Your cheeks turned red, your eyes glistening with unshed tears.

How did you ever get so lucky?

“Besides, you can’t say it’s too much, ‘cause you don’t even know what it is yet.” Sam pointed out, which was fair. At the same time, you’d come to know them quite well, and you knew for a fact it was too much. “Start us off, Daniel.”

“Right.” He nodded, carefully picking the first bag from the pile of them. “See, I wanted to stay here with you last night, but if I did, I wouldn’t have been able to surprise you with breakfast.” He smiled, flashing you the inside of the bag, which was filled with takeout containers. “And I needed Sam’s help with some stuff.”

“Yeah, he didn’t actually invite me. He used me for hard labor and felt too bad to drop me off at home.” Sam rolled his eyes, joking but not all at the same time.

“Whatever.” Danny rolled his eyes, brushing him off completely. “You remember that restaurant we stopped at on our way to Jersey? The one with the huge waffles?”

“Danny, you did not!” You exclaimed, overwhelmed with joy at the thought of how much he cared for you.

“I did.” He grinned. “One waffle for Utah, on her birthday.” He sat a container out in front of an open chair. “And some other food too, but I remembered how excited you were when you ordered it, so I couldn’t help myself.” He scattered the rest of the takeout containers around the table, grabbing paper plates and forks.

“You’re the best, Michigan.” You whispered, your eyes sparkling with glee as you bargained with your own happiness.

It was the first time in twenty four years you had ever felt so loved (or loved at all for that matter) on your birthday, and it was all thanks to him.

“It’s what you deserve, Utah.” He replied, just as hushed as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. Then, he pulled a chair out for you, taking place next to you once you were settled.

Breakfast was fun, lighthearted and sweet. Danny had picked you up a king can of Redbull, remembering that it was your favorite, and they had gotten coffee to go from the restaurant they retrieved breakfast from. After about an hour passed, filled with laughs and smiles, you couldn’t force yourself to eat another bite if you tried. They asked you about your novel, to which you told them how good writing was going after it seemed like you were stuck at a dead end. After nearly two years, the end was just out of reach, but still attainable.

For once, life was good. Writing was great, your free time was never boring, and your addiction had never been so far from your mind. You didn’t want to accredit it to Danny completely, but he served as a fantastic distraction from life’s normal routine and trouble. After the confessional at the hotel, it left the two of you closer than ever, happier than ever. He finally felt like he was breaking through the walls of defense you had built so high, and you finally had someone you could trust.

The only downfall was that you were falling further and harder with every second that passed.

You wanted to tell him more, to keep explaining bits of your past you never cared to share with anyone, but you were taking it slow. You’d always been impulsive, jumping the gun and getting yourself in trouble, and although you didn’t think this was the same, you still wanted to err on the side of caution.

When the morning began to bleed into the afternoon, the boys took it upon themselves to get on with the next birthday festivity.

He searched through one of his bags, pulling out a few different things after urging you to keep your eyes closed. You heard the crinkle of packaging plastic, then felt him step closer to you. After a few moments of nothing but rustling plastic, you felt him place something on top of your head, then urged you to open your eyes.

When you did, the first thing you saw was an expensive looking cupcake, taken from a half dozen container sitting just off to the side. There was one candle stuck in the middle of it beside a little topper that read ‘happy birthday’. You looked across the table to Sam, who had a cheap cardboard party hat from the dollar store sitting lopsided on his head. You looked at Danny as you reached up to see if he’d placed one on yours, too. He had a goofy smile on his lips, the thin elastic holding his hat in place only making the sight all the more funny.

He leaned forward, igniting the wick of the candle with a cheap gas station lighter. Before you had a chance to speak, the two began singing a dramatic and drawn out rendition of Happy Birthday. You couldn’t begin to express your gratitude—your eyes were brimming with tears, the lump in your throat making it hard to breathe as you felt Danny’s hand on your shoulder. For once, the tears were not because of sadness, or a feeling of being forgotten. Instead, you were overwhelmed by the surplus of love being thrown in your direction, unable to comprehend the kindness of their actions.

“Make a wish, Utah.” Danny whispered, his lips hovering over your ear as he spoke. The warmth of his breath on your skin sent a shiver down your spine, sending your mind swirling with thoughts of him and only him.

You did as you were told, leaning forward with a smile on your lips as you closed your eyes. You needed no time to think, knowing exactly what your wish was as soon as the breath left your lips to extinguish the tiny flame.

You wished for the boy behind you, and every good thing he had brought to your life since walking into it. More specifically, you wished he never had to leave.

You opened your eyes, forcing yourself out of the dreamlike state as you pictured a life with him always by your side. You were greeted with a kiss on the cheek from Danny, and a whoop and a holler from Sam.

“What’d’ya wish for?” Sam asked, his eyebrow raised as he watched you pull the candle from the top of your cupcake.

“Can’t tell ya, or it won’t come true.” You bargained with the pain that came from realizing it would never come true anyway, no matter if you kept it secret or not.

“Yeah, s’pose you’re right.” He hummed, leaning back in his chair with a defeated nod. You gave a soft smile, pulling away the parchment wrapper lining the bottom of the cupcake.

“Thank you guys… for everything. This is… it’s fantastic. It’s more than anything I’ve ever gotten.” You spoke gently in fear your voice would crack and the tears would finally make an appearance. Thankfully, you’d been able to swallow back all that dared to threaten you thus far, and you were intent to keep it that way.

“Days not over yet, Utah.” Danny reminded you, giving you a long lasting sinking feeling in your stomach. You could never repay him for what he’d already done, and he was planning for more?

“And it’s not that much. Cake was supposed to be homemade, but as it turns out, we are not very good at baking.” Sam informed you, taking a bite from his own cupcake. At that, you let out a small giggle, already picturing the two of them covered in flour and arguing over ruined cake batter.

“It’s so much, Sam.” You corrected, ensuring they knew how appreciated they were.

“Well, one more thing from me and I’m out.” Sam slapped his palms against the table, a mischievous smile on his lips. “Then you and your lover can have some alone time.”

“No more!” You exclaimed, panicked at the idea of receiving anything else. Guilt was already eating you alive, and you were sure if any more was added atop of what you were feeling, you would crack under the weight of it.

“Oh, quit!” Sam exclaimed, laughing at your stubbornness. “If you haven’t noticed, Utah, we love you.” He stood calmly, reaching for a gift bag as if he hadn’t said the most earth shattering words in the entire world.

They loved you.

After all the bad they’ve seen, the tears and the struggle, the impoverished lifestyle you led, they didn’t care. They thought you had enough good to outweigh all of the bad combined, and so much so that they had surpassed the threshold from simple friendship to something stronger.

And damn, you loved them too.

Even if you didn’t want to.

Even if it was easier not to.

You loved them, and so much so that you were almost unable to picture a life without them.

Out of all the things in the universe, that scared you the most. You were resilient, independent and strong, and you never once needed anything from anyone. You had let yourself grow a soft spot, or a weakness more likely, without even realizing it. Normally, it would make you want to run and hide. Usually when things meant so much to you, you tried to detach, just so it wouldn’t hurt as bad when it inevitably disappeared, but you didn’t want to this time.

For the first time in your life, you let yourself truly and genuinely be loved, no matter the consequences.

You could worry about those later—for now, you never ever wanted to let it slip through your fingers.

“In my opinion, this is the best part.” Sam hummed, his eyes drifting towards Daniel.

His appearance was nervous, his fingers drumming against the edge of the table as he nodded along in agreement. He turned his head towards you, offering a soft smile as he spoke a wordless conversation with Sam. The other boy seemed to catch on to his drift, picking up a neatly wrapped box with a bow on the front from one of the bags.

Before any more words were shared, Sam placed it in front of you, then grabbed another wrapped item, this one thin and much smaller. You looked between the two, your stomach twisted in knots as you already began to worry about the money the two spent.

“Happy Birthday, Utah.” Danny whispered, his features soft as he swallowed hard. “Those are from me.”

“Danny…” you whispered, concern knitting your brows together as you silently objected to the act of kindness.

“Open them, baby.” He responded, dismissing your unspoken point entirely. “You’ll love it—I know you will.”

“I have no doubt about that. I just… I feel bad.” You expressed your opinion on the matter.

“No need. I wanted to.”

He wanted to.

Since the day you met him, he continued to show you that he wanted to do more than anyone else ever had, and he was still committed to it months later.

“It doesn’t matter which one you open first.” He said, ending the conversation so you couldn’t argue any further.

Your eyes lingered on him for a moment longer, but eventually turned to the two packages in front of you. When was the last time you had a real birthday gift? One bought with care and consideration, one in which was curated for your taste only (as much as you appreciated the cigarettes and joints, you knew that was the same gift the boys gave to everyone). Maybe, the last time you’d ever torn wrapping paper off a box or pulled tape from a shiny bag plastered with color was when your grandparents were alive. Possibly even before then, because in later years they stuffed cards with cash, and upon learning about your addictions, gift cards for groceries and clothes.

With their help, you were reliving a childhood dream you only got to participate in every now and again.

For that alone, you were forever indebted to them.

You reached forward, settling on the smaller of the two gifts. You let the tip of your finger run across the thin piece of tape holding the paper together. You peeled it back, the coloured paper underneath it lifting with the adhesive. You folded it back once you freed it from the tape, your heart skipping a beat at the familiar tan colour of the item inside.

With a new found bout of excitement, you flipped it over, tearing the rest of the paper away from it as you did so. You nearly jumped from your chair as you tossed the wrapping to the ground, your eyes studying every detail of the abstract picture. The bright yellow and blue of the lettering caught your eyes, and your hand raised to it as you gently traced over the words like you used to do so long ago. The red lips standing prominently underneath them brought a smile to your face. Slowly, you turned to look at the man who wasn’t technically your boyfriend or your friend, and understood that he did not need to be either of those things, for he was the best thing that had ever happened to you, the most important person in the world, no matter the label.

In your hands was a brand new copy of Steely Dan’s Can’t Buy a Thrill, the plastic wrapping still shiny and perfectly intact as it waited for you to spin the familiar melody of Dirty Work.

“You remembered.” You forced the words through your teeth, your throat scratching as you wheezed in a breath. Holding back your tears was becoming more difficult by the second.

For some strange reason, you wished he didn’t.

It would have made it easier to overlook the bond that had formed between the two of you.

“Keep going.” He urged, not wanting to dwell too long when there was more sitting in front of you.

You moved onto the bigger box, knowing exactly what it was before you even tore the paper from it. Underneath the fancy bow and wrapping, sat a brand new record player that likely cost him a pretty penny.

Your stomach filled with lead, your bones heavy as you sat with your own thoughts for a moment. With no way to stop it this time, you felt tears flood your cheeks, angry and vengeful for being repressed for so long. You raised the back of your hands to your eyes, the coolness of your skin soothing to you as you drew in a shaky breath. Without thinking twice, you pushed your chair backwards and sprung forward, taking the few steps towards him. He stood to meet you, noticing your distress and worried that he overstepped.

When you wrapped your arms around him and buried your face in his chest, shamelessly loving him and unafraid to show how much it meant to you. Your tears stained his t-shirt, but he assured you he wasn’t bothered by it as he held you tighter to him.

“I’m sorry if it was too much, I just wanted—“ you cut him off by pulling away, staring up at him with watery eyes and a smile as you nipped the thought in the bud.

“Don’t you dare apologize.” Your statement was strong despite your quivering lip and dry throat. “You don't have anything to be sorry for. This is… you are… Danny.” You breathed, tripping over your words as more tears spilled down your cheeks. “This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. You’re the best thing…” you trailed off, your bottom lip caught between your teeth as you swallowed back a sob. You didn’t need to say it aloud, because he knew exactly what you meant. Instead of replying, he pulled you into a tighter hug, happy to know the tears were not from sorrow, but from happiness.

“Alright, alright.” Sam cut the two of you off. You both looked over at him, smiling as he nudged his gift bag towards you.

You stepped forward, wiping your cheeks as you pulled at the tape holding the bag together. It popped open with ease, giving you the freedom to look inside. First, you pulled out another record, the tears making an immediate return as you looked at the cover.

“Bringing It All Back Home?!” You exploded, another sob shaking your shoulders as you hugged it to your chest. You felt like a child on Christmas morning, high on sugar and the feeling of being alive while sorting through gifts laced with magic from Santa himself.

“Aaand?” Sam raised an eyebrow, nodding towards the bag again. Cautiously, you set the vinyl on the table and reached back inside, pulling out one last record to top it all off.

“Harvest…” the yellow cover that was so distinct sent a smile straight to your lips. “I seriously can’t believe you remembered I said all this. It was so long ago, and so unimportant.”

“Nothing is unimportant when it comes to you, Utah.” Danny placed a hand on the small of your back.

“Seriously… thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me… it’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done… the best gift I’ve ever gotten.” You were beside yourself with emotion, your chest aching from all of the love you held within it.

“One last thing from me, Y/N.” Sam added, pulling something unwrapped from the bags beside him. He handed it across the table, watching as you pieced it together and waiting for your response. You grabbed it from his hands, the cool leather immediately sending a shiver down your spine. Wordlessly, you flipped it open, in awe of how well made it was. “I saw it when we were out today, and it made me think of you. You probably have lots, but when you get to that one, at least you’ll think of us. Maybe it’ll even give you some motivation on the hard days. Someone as talented as you should never stop writing.”

“Sam, this is the most beautiful journal I’ve ever seen.” You assured him. The black, leather bound journal was hefty, heavy from its size and astonishingly beautiful in its simplicity. It was big, many more pages than any of the ones you already owned, and it was even better because it came from him, one of the truest and most genuine friends you had ever had.

You placed it on the table, quickly scurrying towards him as you pulled him into a hug. Your tears had become less aggressive, but were still steadily rolling as you laid your head on his shoulder. Perhaps one of the best things about falling for Danny was gaining a friend like Sam, because you’d never experienced anything like it before.

“Thank you so much.” You whispered, your eyes closing as you enjoyed the brief moment of intimacy.

“Can’t think of anyone who deserves it more.” He promised you. “You make him so happy, Utah. You deserve people who make you happy, too.”

You held him a little tighter, touched by his sentiments but stuck pondering the same question that would ultimately eat you alive; would you still make him this happy if he knew the truth about you? Would they still think you were so fantastic if they learned of all of your mistakes?

You wanted to say yes, to be certain that two people as wonderful as them would love you no matter what, but it was very hard to believe.

Hopefully, by the time the facade faded away, they will have grown to care about you enough to look past it, to accept you as you are and let go of who you were, just the same as you had to do (and still continue to do).

Or, better yet, you hoped that maybe they would be gone before you ever had to expose yourself at all.

No matter how much you loved them or how different life seemed, you were still the same person they met at the diner all those months ago, even if you desperately wished you weren’t.

TAGLIST: @imleavingyoufornewyork @itsafullmoon @bladenotblaze @jessicafg03 @dont-go-home-without-me @peaceloveunitygvf @torniturntomyarrow @lostoverseer @clairesjointshurt @jordie-gvf @lallisonl @smoking-jakelane @gretavangirlie @hollyco @aintthatapity @dont-go-home-without-me @demonrat444

[joshfuckingkiszka]

𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔯𝔢𝔭𝔲𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫 𝔳𝔞𝔲𝔩𝔱 𝔥𝔞𝔰 𝔟𝔢𝔢𝔫 𝔬𝔭𝔢𝔫𝔢𝔡

joshua michael kiszka - end game

jacob thomas kiszka - dress

daniel robert wagner - king of my heart

samuel francis kiszka - call it what you want

bonus - daniel robert wagner - delicate

[seenoversundown]

For Death Or Glory Masterpost

Jake Kiszka x Charlotte (Female OC) New Chapters on Thursdays!

Workplace Romance | Friends With Benefits to Lovers | He Falls First

Summary: Jake has always been a hopeless romantic, heavy on the hopeless. He’s gone out with plenty of girls, but they never last. Tired of being told he’s “too sweet”, he tapped out on dating once he bought the bar. Just waiting for the right one to walk into the bar and steal his heart.

*This is an AU Series*

Warnings: Fluff, (eventual) Smut, Anxious Themes, Mentions of Death, Smoking, Drinking (a lot of the story will take place surrounding the bar) Teasing, Yearning, Eventual Smut, Romance, Silly Goofy Boys.

(Warnings will be updated along with the series & More Detailed Warnings will be listed at the beginning of each chapter)

Word Count: 121.6k

Chapters:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25

One Shots:

Affirmation ⁂ - Jake x Charlotte (Fem OC) find themselves in an oddities shop where Charlotte has her tarot cards read, whether she believes in it or not.

White Christmas ☠ - Jake x Charlotte (Fem OC) have a million and one things to do on Christmas Day and Charlotte is already stressed by 6 am. Thankfully, Jake knows exactly how to calm her down.

Siren ⁂ ☠️ - Jake x Charlotte (Fem OC) get stuck at the bar on Valentine’s Day, but Jake makes sure to make it up to her after the bar closes.

Allure : Part 1 ⁂ | Part 2 ☠️ - Jake x Charlotte (Fem OC) Family Lake Day! Starts off with Charlotte longingly watching her sweet motherly boyfriend take care of everyone all day but ends with him making it up to her in the sweetest way.

Playlist:

Taglist Currently:

@gvfsstardust, @myleftsock , @mindastreamofcolours, @dont-go-home-without-me @literal-dead-leaf @lizzys-sunflower @mackalah @edgingthedarkness @writingcold @i-love-gvf @takenbythemadness @threadofstars, @earthgrlsreasy , @peaceloveunitygvf @musicspeaks , @gretavanfan @jazzyfigz @smoking-jakelane @anythingforjtk @woyayaofdreams @demonrat444 @hollyco @josh-iamyour-mama @wrldabomination @broken0mens @whereiskeara @gvf-luna @katuschka @ourlovesdesire @chloeshell1219 @becinabubblegvf @sanguinebats

reply or fill out this form to be added!

The Caravel Tavern Masterpost | Masterlist (One Shots / Other Fics)

[gretavangroupie]

VIGILANCE MASTERPOST

Pairing: Jake x Reader, Sam x Reader, Jake x OC, Sam x OC

Word Count: Far too many...600k+

Summary:  She loves me, she loves me not? Maybe love really is written in the stars.

WARNINGS FOR THIS SERIES: 18+ MINORS DNI - Alcohol, Gambling, Smoking, Marijuana, Cursing, Dramatic Themes, Nightmares. Smut Including: Kissing, Touching, Making Out, Light Degradation, Dirty Talk, Praise Kink, Biting, Fingering, Name Calling, Edging, Mentions of Sub/Dom Themes, Voyeurism, Orgasm Denial, Unprotected Sex, Digital Penetration, Pet Names, Spanking. Angst Including: Jealousy, Possessiveness, Infidelity, Heartbreak, Toxic Themes, Arguments, Yelling, Extreme Portrayal of Sadness, Crying, Sexual Assault, Stalking, Cheating on Partner, Abandonment, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Hospitalization, Severe Injury, Death, Poor Coping Mechanisms, Slight Alcohol Abuse, Extreme Grief, Fluff.

This story is a collaboration with my lovely pal @gretavanmoon.

Playlist for the Series: Apple Music | Spotify

Chapter List:

one | one revisited

two

three

four

five

six

seven

eight

nine

ten

eleven

twelve

thirteen

fourteen

fifteen

sixteen

seventeen

eighteen

nineteen part one | nineteen part two

twenty

twenty-one part one | twenty-one part two

twenty-two part one | twenty-two part two

twenty-three

twenty-four

twenty-five part one | twenty-five part two

twenty-six

twenty-seven part one | twenty-seven part two

twenty-eight part one | twenty-eight part two

twenty-nine

thirty

epilogue

The Outtakes:

Plan A

Coda

Rekindled

Disruption

Secret Ingredient

Sin City Revisited

[kissingkiszka]

The Sweet Symphony - Jake Kiszka x Reader Series Masterlist

Summary: this series follows an unexpected love between the reader and Jake Kiszka, guitarist of Greta Van Fleet. Will the love blossom after you spontaneously decide to leave all you know behind and join Greta Van Fleet on tour?

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12: (coming soon!)

[devilat-thedoor]

A/N: Lovers, babes, friends🩵 this is an open love letter to anyone who has kept up with my little baby of a fic. If you’ve stuck around this long, i’d just like to offer my love and appreciation for you. The amount of support and love that i’ve received through the journey thus far has been incredible and truly inspiring and heartwarming. I know it’s been a roller coaster of emotions, but the ride isn’t over just yet……There may be a loop or two ahead? I love you all endlessly💜

In Progress | 18+ Minors DNI | Includes smut&other mature themes

Word Count: 104.5k

Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4 (TW:SA)

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11 (coming soon)

[emsfallingsky]

Of Fate and Fury

Pairing: Danny x Acotar au x female!reader

Word count: 19.1k

Warnings: 18+ ONLY! sexually explicit content. Enemies to lovers, M dom f sub, violence, gore, fighting, mating, unprotected sex, (kissing, fingering, choking, name calling, praise, cursing, oral sex (f recieving), dirty talk, breeding kink, hair pulling).

It had been a long day– a very long day and you were completely wound up. Your body was tense and overwhelmed and it seemed like nothing was easing the fire that left your blood boiling.

You quickly finished up your task at hand and set yourself on a determined mission, storming up the stairs that led to the training ring atop The House of Wind. You didn’t hesitate one bit as you led yourself across the ground, kicking up specks of the tan dirt beneath your feet. But as soon as you grabbed a sword off one of the racks, you felt all their eyes turn to you. 

Without any hesitation you immediately started swinging your swords at one of the wooden dummies, silently cursing at yourself from the instant strain in your muscles from not being warmed up. 

You didn’t care though. All the pent-up emotions and frustrations came flying out of you with each swing of your sword. You gritted your teeth tightly together, letting out a deep grunt as you hit the blade of your sword directly against the torso of the dummy before you. You could feel the vibration of the sword as it collided with the soft wood, traveling all the way up the expanse of your arm. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the fae warriors standing frozen in place as they watched you. The sheer formidable force of them flanked into you but you ignored them.

You turned on your heel, spinning yourself around as you flung your arm backwards and hit the shoulder of the dummy. As you spun, you caught sight of their varying expressions. Some of their eyes were wide with their eyebrows raised and others looked at you blankly, but you could read their annoyance on their face. Thankfully, none of them decided to interfere, allowing you to continue unleashing yourself on the piece of wood that was slowly starting to chip and splinter with each hit.

You weren’t sure how long you had kept at it but pretty soon you were an exhausted and panting mess. The muscles in your back and biceps were practically screaming at you and your thighs had started to shake from using them to push yourself as you flung yourself at the target. 

It wasn’t long before you found yourself collapsing to your knees in the dirt, struggling to catch your breath. The sword had dropped beside you, but you kept a loose grip on the pommel, not fully wanting to give into the exhaustion that was starting to sweep over you. 

The hair you had tied back in a braid had come loose and now stuck to the side of your face and neck. Sweat covered every inch of your body and dripped down your neck as you continued to kneel in the dirt, trying to catch your breath.

With your hair draped around your face, you barely took in the black boot, scuffed with brown dirt that came to a stop beside your limp hand. You sucked in a breath and slowly lifted your head. When you peered up, you saw Daniel. The Illyrian warrior, second in command from Cassian, who was in Rhysand’s inner circle. 

His long curly hair was tied in a knot above his head, but he had managed to leave the bottom half of his hair loose, letting the rest drape over his broad shoulders. You could see the layer of sweat that soaked through his white tank top, surely from his earlier sparring. It was hard to ignore the dark whirls and patterns tattooed along his arms that rose higher along his neck and plunged down beneath the edge of his shirt that covered his chest.

Daniel crossed his arms over himself, making you notice the thick muscles of his chest and biceps that rose through his shirt. He stared down at you with nothing more than a blank face, his eyes stone cold and distant. You would have looked away in fear if it weren’t for the fact that you were too tired to care. If it wasn’t that it was the sight of the muscle that feathered in his jaw that shut you up.

“You are exerting too much of your energy…you’ve worn yourself down completely,” he said, his voice flat and monotone. 

“I don’t care,” you muttered back, your own jaw now clenched. 

Daniel shifted his weight to his other foot and raised his eyebrows up at your response. “Are you sure about that? You know you could have injur-”

            “I don’t…care,” you repeated again, this time making sure your words were laced with a hint of malice.

            Daniel shot you a glare and you watched him turn his head to the side like an animal observing its prey. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice and facial expression didn’t falter once. You glared up at him and brushed the sword away from you as you climbed onto your shaking feet. You held his eyes but when you turned on your heel away from him, you could feel tears start to well in your eyes. All you had wanted was to let out some of your pent-up anger and frustration…not be bombarded by an Illyrian general. 

            You strided across the ring, not acknowledging Rhysand, Cassian, Azriel or Jake who stood there watching you. You had made it across the ring and were about to reach the top of the stairs when you felt a firm hand clasp your shoulder and spin you around. Instantly, you knew it was him and refused to meet his stare. If you had, you would’ve been able to see the glimpse of worry that sparked across his face. 

            “You don’t get to walk away when I’m talking to you,” Daniel spat, his grip on your shoulder squeezing just enough to make you feel your muscles start to protest. You refused to look up at him, feeling all your anger start to boil to the surface once again. You didn’t have to look up to see him take a step closer to you, his body now so close that your face was practically pressed against his chest. 

            “Now,” he says, tightening his grip on your shoulder, making you hold back a wince, ‘What’s wrong?”

            “Nothing,” you muttered, still not being able to raise your eyes to meet him. 

Daniel clicked his tongue against his cheek, sucking in a small hiss, not believing a word of your bullshit. His hand slid off your shoulder and then you found yourself frozen in place when you felt his hands grip the underside of your chin and tilt it upwards, so you were now forced to look at him. 

            “I’m not going to ask again,” Daniel said, his voice low and hoarse, ‘What’s wrong, YN?”

            You found yourself clenching your jaw, your eyes becoming cold while you glared at him. “I need to go take a bath,” was all you said as you turned yourself on your heel and began to walk away from him. 

You were instantly stopped as you felt that same stern grip on your shoulders and could feel the eyes of the other accessing the scene. You turned back on your heel and ripped his arm off of you. “Do not!” you said, hissing at him. 

You stormed down the steps and stomped into your room, slamming your door closed. You were just starting to undo the top of your tunic when you heard your door fly open and slam into the wall so hard that it made the room shake. You knew who it was before he started talking and you ground your teeth so hard that it made your jaw ache.

            “What the fuck has gotten into you?” Daniel yelled; the once calm tone he held before now completely stripped away. You turned yourself quickly around to see him far closer than you had expected, leaving you to have to tilt your head up as he towered above you. 

You aren’t sure what gets into you, but you find yourself taking a challenging step towards him. All the work you put in to fend off the anger now seeming useless as you feel your blood start to turn once again. 

            “I thought I told you I wanted to go take a fucking bath! I don’t need you as my fucking babysitter Daniel!” you snap at him, your chest now rising and falling quickly while you struggle to maintain an ounce of any composure you had left.

            Daniel seems to weigh your words and takes a step back, but his face doesn’t falter. His eyes seem to mirror yours as they ignite with anger of their own, making his hazel eyes glow golden- flame like. 

He crossed his arms over his chest and nodded his head in the direction of your bathroom. “Fine, go take your damn bath but I’m going to be waiting right outside for you.”

“You will leave,” you hiss, pulling back the top of your lip to give him a flash of your elongated canines. It didn’t seem to do anything, and you watched him lean against the door frame, cocking one of his brows up. “I’m not going anywhere,” he says in a stern voice, not one word faltering.

“Get the fuck out of my room Daniel!” you scream at him, your hands balling into fists beside you.

            “Or what Y/N? What the fuck are you going to do about it?” he asks, pushing himself off the wall to only then halt his steps right in front of you. His gaze is hard and unwavering as he peers down at you from over the tip of his nose. 

            You couldn't help it- contain it. The anger within you was screaming, pleading you to let yourself go and unleash everything you had upon him. So, you did. 

            Without really processing it, your hand that was curled into a tight fist beside you flew up at lightning speed to deliver him a hard smack against his cheek. You might’ve gasped or heard your breath hitch as you realized what you just did but you couldn’t hear or process anything from the roaring of anger that rumbled in your ears. 

Daniel didn’t falter one bit as you struck him. His body didn’t move an inch. The only sign to show that it had happened was the red, angry handprint on the side of his cheek. Danny gave a slow blink while the corner of his mouth started to tilt in a smirk. He clenched his jaw and his eyes slowly slid back to yours. 

You don’t back down. You stay planted right where you are, not showing him any sign of guilt, fear, or remorse for your actions. Daniel struggled to maintain the smirk growing on his face. He tilted his head to the side, studying you- a predator's stare. Most people would immediately back down if an Illyrian male looked at you that way but notyou. 

Daniel sucked in a breath and clenched his jaw, flexing the muscles that lay beneath his skin and took a step closer, bending down so his face was merely inches away from yours. “That was cute,” he said, his breath hitting your cheeks. “But no.” 

You clenched your own jaw, feeling your teeth protest against it. You were then the one to smirk and you let your eyes slowly drift down to his lips that were so close, they nearly brushed against yours. His eyes followed your own, noticing what you were now staring at. You decided to use it to your advantage.

Your eyes drifted back up to his and then you bit the bottom of your lip, a sinful sight with him being as close to you as he was. His reaction was just what you were looking for. His body seemed to halt, and you swear you saw his breathing stop for a second. 

It was an extra second you didn’t take for granted as you quickly reached a hand around his side, plucking a dagger that hung from his leather belt. You clutched the dagger in a firm grasp, pressing the blade against his side. If Daniel had an ounce of fear flowing through his veins, he didn’t show it. “I would be very careful if I were you,” you draw out in a hiss. Daniel’s wings twitched in annoyance and the muscles that built his firm chest and ran along his arms flexed as he held your stare. You pressed the blade against him harder. “Get. Out.”

Daniel sent out a rumble of his power that threatened your hands to almost release the blade flush against the side of his abdomen, but you pushed past it. You were defiant and you would not stand down. 

Daniel’s eyes flicked down and then back up to yours, the lick of flame that was once in his eyes now grew strong and mighty. Wildfire. The golden flecks in his eyes now moved as the flames raged and danced within them. “Put down the blade,” he growled. 

It took every ounce of your strength and will not to send that dagger plunging straight into his flesh. “Get out of my room and I will.”

Daniel let out a huff of annoyance but then smirked at you, surely analyzing you as nothing more than a piece of meat. “You wouldn’t dare to stab me with it.”

You shook off the glare from your face, instead replacing it with a sweet smile. “Try me,” was all you said as you whipped the dagger, slashing it against the fabric of his shirt. You made sure the blade didn’t cut him though. You just wanted to prove it to him that you were not afraid, and you would not back down from a challenge. 

Daniel glanced down to the town fabric of his shirt now hanging loose against his side. He raised his head to look back at you but before your eyes could meet his, he lunged and grabbed your wrist in his hands. He moved so fast that you couldn’t even process how you ended up slammed against the stone wall of your room. It reminded you exactly who you were dealing with. His power, his strength, all of it…All of it was coming from a fae Illyrian warrior. 

Daniel pushed you back so hard and with so much power that it made the back of your head thump against the wall. You back groaned as you felt the hardness of it press into your spine. Both parts of your body instantly began to throb, and the pain left you groaning. 

The dagger in your hand dropped to the floor as his hands on your wrist tightened, threatening to shatter the fragile bones beneath your skin. He was so big. So full of strength and unweighted power. His hands were so large that they almost wrapped twice around your wrist. “Stupid, stupid girl,” Daniel growled in your face. Once again, he was so close to you that you were practically left sharing the same breath as him. He wasn’t wrong though…Stupid. How very stupid it was for you to be challenging him. 

Every inch of your body was screaming. Screaming with pain, rage and absolute fury. You lifted your face that had tilted downward from the force which he threw you against the wall and beckoned to look up at him. 

Once you did, you held his stare. You were breathing hard, your chest rising and falling with each deep breath you took. Your whole body was left shaking as a mixture of emotions rose to the surface. Fear, rage and something else you couldn’t quite put your finger on but nonetheless, your fighting spirit was still left thrumming against your veins. 

You clenched your jaw and then moved your tongue around in your mouth, drawing up saliva on your tongue. You purse your lips and then spat directly onto his face. 

Daniel closed his eyes and turned his head to the side as your spit hit him directly in the center of it. He shrugged one of his shoulders up and wiped your spit off of his face. When his eyes came back to yours you knew you were unmatched. Your throat bobbed as you swallowed but he was not done letting you know just how stupid you were. 

He moved both of your hands over your head and then pinned your wrists in one hand while his other wrapped around your throat and squeezed it in a tight grip. “Are you trying to piss me off?” he growled. All you could do was respond with a strangled groan, your eyes now growing completely wide. 

Danny gripped you by the neck harder and pulled you forward, making you arch your back and neck up at an awkward angle. His wings rustled again, clearly showing you just how impatient he was growing. 

He pulled you closer towards him, so the tip of his nose brushed against yours. “Answer me,” he growled again. You couldn’t. All the words that were on the tip of your tongue vanished and it felt like your head was swimming each time he tightened his grip on your neck, depriving you of oxygen. You opened your mouth to respond but you couldn’t. You just stared at him; your brows knitted together with your jaw hanging loose. You tried to wriggle yourself away from him but between the grasp he had on your neck, wrists and the wall that dug into you. For the first time in a long while, you were utterly helpless. 

Using all the strength you could muster, you finally choked out something…his name. “D-Danny,” you stuttered in between a strangled gasp. It was the only word you managed to get out before the doors of your room flew open and Rhysand, Cassian and Jake stood there. Their faces all conveyed the same thing. Utter shock. 

Daniel glanced behind his shoulder and when he saw them, he seemed to snap out of his anger induced fury. He instantly let go of your wrist and neck and you slumped down to the floor coughing while your own hands clutch your neck as you try to pull in oxygen. 

Cassian and Jake were immediately upon Daniel, grabbing him by his shoulders and yanking him back. “Are you out of your fucking mind?” Cassian snaps at him. “You could’ve fucking killed her!” Jake shouts. 

Rhysand quickly walks over, crouching on the floor beside you. When you look up you could see only worry and concern shining in his eyes. He places a gentle hand on your knee and asks, “are you alright?” The only answer you could manage was a small nod of your head while you continued to gasp and sputter for any air you could wield into your lung. His eyes soften further, and he tilts his head down. “Are you sure?”

“Out,” you said in a voice that is merely a whisper. “Everyone get the fuck out.”

Rhysand, Cassian and Jake all exchange glances, Daniel’s eyes look everywhere but your own as he stares down at the floor. You can see the muscles in his shoulder twitch, but Jake and Cassian’s hands tighten on him.

Rhysand looks back at you and nods before rising off of the floor. Rhysand walks by the three men but stops before Daniel. “You and I are going to have a little chat,” he sneers before leading them out of the room. The sound of the door clicking into place is the only indicator that they had left. 

You don’t move from your spot on the floor. Instead, you invite the welcoming cold of the marble floor against your skin. You draw your knees up to your chest while your brain makes any attempt to start working again. What the hell just happened?

Your brain starts to turn, sending you down an endless hole as it replays all the events that just unfolded before you. You were shocked. At Daniel, yourself…all of it. You knew he had every right to defend himself. Every right. And the words he spoke were nothing but the truth. ‘You stupid, stupid girl’. 

Yes, so utterly stupid. Why you found yourself unable to back down and just stop, you didn’t know. All your emotions stirred within you, leaving your chest feeling like a heavy weight pressed down upon it. You felt so…hollow.

It took you a few seconds to render that tears that started to fall down your face and you pressed your knees further against you to cradle yourself. Your shoulders began to shake as you released everything into the world. You would be lying if you said you didn’t know how you ended up here, but you did. And it was all but entirely your fault.  

So, you let yourself cry…and cry and cry. You let out all the emotions within you; all the rage, the anger, the fury…then the sadness, shock and guilt that came along with it. Images flashed in your head. The hand he placed on your shoulder when you went to exit the training ring and how in that moment his face looked so soft and full of concern for you. Only then to be stripped away as the image of his face with nothing but primal rage plastered on it as he pinned you against the wall. 

You could again feel that anger start to swirl within you but you pushed it down, so it was only a soft hum in your veins. Despite everything, there was something else that prodded and poked against the walls of your brain. Something you couldn’t quite understand or begin to explain. You pushed that thought aside, you would come back to it another time. 

You weren’t sure how long you sat there crying and holding yourself, letting your own body be the sweep of comfort that you would allow. But soon enough, you were exhausted. You could feel the marks of where your tears fell down the sides of your cheeks, leaving them to feel damp and sticky where they rested against your knee. Your eyes burned and you were sure that if you were able to see your own reflection you would notice how red and puffy they were. 

You let out a deep sigh and finally raised your head, letting your eyes readjust to the dim lighting of the room. You were completely exhausted, but you still had your mind set on what you initially came in here to do. Bracing a hand on the marble floor, you pushed yourself to your feet and strode past the door leading into the bathing chamber connected to your room. 

With a twist of your hand, you turn the knob of the bath, making sure to twist it all the way to the left to get it to the highest temperature. You wanted it hot- scalding, so that when you slid in, it would burn and sting against your skin before it left you feeling numb completely. 

You begin the process of removing your clothes, having to peel them off your body as they stick against you with sweat. You had just removed your pants and were straightening your body when you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You turned your head to fully face the mirror and what you saw made your gut swirl. 

A red mark shone on your neck, wrapping around it entirely. You leaned yourself further into your reflection and when you did, you were able to see the faint mark of where Daniel’s thumb had dug into the side of your neck. 

You lifted a shaking hand to your throat, lightly brushing your fingertips against it and had to hold back a wince. The area was so sore and tender. How did you not render how hard he was choking you?

You yet again pressed down all the emotions stirring within you and swirled yourself around and strode for the bath. Good.  Let that mark he left on your neck be a reminder, not for you but for him. Let him look upon it and feel all the remorse and guilt for ever laying a hand upon you. Let it be a reminder. Gods, how you now regretted not plunging the dagger into his flesh so he would have his own reminder of who he truly was dealing with. 

You sat in the bath for what felt like hours, letting the scalding water grow cold and frigid. If not the heat of the water being able to welcome you then the icy water would also do the trick, letting it numb you to the core and making your teeth chatter against themselves. 

As badly as you wanted to stay in the water, you couldn’t stand the way your skin started to feel. Your fingers were pruney and rigid and the water was so cold that it only made the bones in your body ache.

You lifted the drain and set it on the lip of the tub before you pushed yourself out of the water. You didn’t bother with grabbing a towel and instead reached for the fluffy robe that hung on the back of the door. You bundled the soft, velvet like fabric around you and let it breathe its warmth back into your body. 

You strode out of the bathroom but not before taking a final glimpse in the mirror to see the angry bruise around your neck that was slowly starting to turn to a deep shade of purple. 

When you made your way back into your room, you looked out the window to see the sun starting to set over the snowcapped mountains. It’s light making the sky flush with pinks and purples- a rather beautiful shade of purple compared to the ugly mark that was left around your throat. 

You walked over to your wardrobe, opening the wooden doors of it and gazed at the clothes before you. Your hand drifted over to a tunic but stopped and instead grabbed for a sleek lilac colored evening gown. The sun setting is what alerted you that it was now dinner time and instead of staying in your room to grovel over the event that took place, you wanted to make a stand against him if only to prove a point. 

So yes, the evening dress would do just that. Instead of opting for the tunic that would cover your neck you chose the gown with its thin straps, leaving your shoulders and neck bare. You thought about grabbing one of the necklaces that was laid out your vanity but no- let it remind him. 

Slipping on a pair of flats, you opened the door of your room and descended the steps, leading to the dining room with your chin held high. Let it remind him…

When you first came around the corner you could hear the deep voices and laughter filling the space, but they were immediately silenced when you first stepped into the room. Everyone’s eyes- Rhys, Cassian, Jake, Azriel and lastly, Daniel’s laid upon you but then slowly dipped down to your neck. Good. 

You didn’t acknowledge them or give any sign that you noticed their eyes staring at you or your neck. You silently strode up to the table and it felt like all the air in the room stilled and had been sucked up. 

You took your place at the table next to Cassian leaving you to sit directly across from Daniel. Jake and Azriel sat along either side of him and Rhys took the head of the table. 

When you sat down, you could feel Daniel’s eyes upon you, and you met him back with a cold and unwavering stare. You could still see the imprint you had marked across his cheek, but you also noticed the bruising around his cheek bone and the split lip. Rhys had certainly had a little chat with him.

Daniel’s eyes cast down to your neck and then you were left hearing your own blood starting to thrum in your ears, feeling all of its fury work its way back up. Rhys stayed silent at the head of the table and watched the two of you silently battle, seeing who would be the first to yield. Cassian did the same and you could feel his body stiffen beside you as his eyes darted from you to Daniel.

You finally ripped your eyes away from Daniel, but your face was still sneering even as you looked away. This wasn’t you yielding to him –no, never that. This was you telling him fuck all the way off. 

A deep sigh escapes you and you reach for the wine in the middle of the table. You slowly pour out its content into your glass, the room still cold and silent with all eyes set on you–watching and awaiting your next move. 

You take a sip of the wine and see Daniel’s eyes fixed on yours over the rim of the glass. It was the way he stared at you that truly pissed you off. All signs of anger were gone from his face and instead his eyes were soft and full of worry. You hadn’t expected him to give in so easily–so quickly. You had wanted him to go down swinging and fighting. You had wanted to fight and argue with him.

You slammed down your glass, gripping it so hard the tops of your knuckles turned white. Cocking your head to the side, you looked at Daniel and let your eyes slowly rake up and down his body. A chuckle escaped you and you leaned forward to rest your elbows on the table and then clutch your hands in front of you. “You know what’s funny?” you ask, letting your eyes sweep over everyone at the table, pinning them in a hard, unforgiving stare before solely landing on Daniel. 

Daniel’s glare returned to his face, and he looked back in a way that was rather unsettling. His tongue pushed against his cheek, and he cocks an eyebrow up as to ask ‘What?”

You took one of your arms off the table and sat back in your chair, draping it over the backrest so you appeared loose and casual “For as long as I could remember, I always dreamed about having a necklace that was full of diamonds and deep, rich colored rubies. Oh, but wait,” you lift a hand to your neck, “Well now I do. And I guess, I can owe that all to you,” you say waving a hand in Daniel’s direction. 

Everyone in the room stills and you can see them all trying to come up with something to say to ease the burning tension. Your eyes linger on Daniel, and you watch as he blinks and drops his head. “Fuck,” he mumbles under his breath. 

Your eyes narrow on him and you shift further back in your seat. “What’s wrong Danny? Is it not as beautiful as you imagined?” Daniel’s eyes were still looking down, utterly fixated on his hands placed in front of him on the table. 

After what felt like ages, he slowly lifted his head to meet your stare. You could see every line sketched upon his face, conveying just how bad he truly felt. It was almost enough to make you cave but you would not yield. When he spoke, his voice was low and soft- barely a whisper. “I’m sorry.”

The thrumming in your ears returns, making you clench your steak knife placed next to you. His eyes immediately spy your hand wrapping around the utensil and you swear you could see his body grow stiff– as if he were waiting for you to plunge that knife into the side of his neck. 

His eyes then turn away from the knife and come back to meet yours. He takes a deep breath, and you see his throat bop as he swallows. “C-can I ask you somethi-”

“No, you may not,” you say through gritted teeth. Daniel seems utterly stunned and at a loss for words. He looks back to your neck and it seems to truly cause him pain as he looks upon the angry bruise. He opens his mouth to say something but immediately shuts it and lets out a sigh that makes him sink back into his chair. 

You suddenly push your chair back and rise to your feet, your hand still firmly wrapped around the knife. You look back over at Daniel and lean so far over the table that your face is only inches away from his. You lift the knife from the table and point it at him. “If you ever do anything like that again, I won’t even give it a second thought before I cut off the part of you,” you angled the knife down, “that deems you as a man. Do you understand?”

Daniel seems to wince as you point the knife downwards. He doesn’t look at you while he says, “Yes, I understand.”

“Good,” you say and send the knife down onto his plate, piercing a piece of meat on it and sliding it onto yours. You sink back into your chair and take a bite of it before you turn to Cassian. “And how was your day, Cassie?” you say, smiling at him around your fork. 

Cassian shifts his once tense body, snapping out of whatever trance he was in as he watched us. “My- my uh, my day was good,’ he says with a small cough, ‘Although it certain wasn’t as interesting as y-”

“Watch it,” you hiss. 

“Sorry,” Cassian mumbles. 

You turn your eyes to look over at Rhys and see him stiffen under your gaze. “And how was your day, High Lord?” Rhysand blinks and takes a sip of his wine before he says in a short and low tone, ‘My day was…fine.”

You place your hands back on the table and smile at him, reaching for your glass of wine, taking a sip. “Didn’t have to wrap your hands around anyone’s neck then?” The muscles in Rhys’s jaw flex and his eyes dart over to where Daniel sat. “No. No I did not.” 

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing that our High Lord knows how to behave himself. Such a shame that others cannot…” Rhysands eyes drift to yours and he holds them. “Are you trying to insult me?” he asks, wrapping his hands around his glass.

Shit. “No sir,” you say, your voice dipping a bit as you hold his stare, unblinking. 

“Then may you explain the need for such a comment?” You can feel the tops of your cheeks flush feeling utterly embarrassed at the lack of being able to control your own tongue. You clear your throat, “Respectfully sir, that is none of your busine-”

“Then why bring such things to the table?” he asks, cutting me off. All you can do is lower your head and nod. “I understand, sir.”

Rhysand sits back in his chair, but you can still feel his eyes burning into you. “Now are you done?”

You clench your jaw, your hands gripping hard around the knife in your hand. “No…so may I be excused?” Rhys seemed to weigh your words, but he sighs and waves a hand at you. “Yes, you may be excused.” You give him a small nod and scoot your chair back. You let the knife clatter onto your plate and stride out of the room, aiming for the staircase, not bothering to take one glance behind you. 

You enter your room and shut the door behind you. Now being in the comfort of your own room, you feel like you can finally let your guard down. You walk over to your bed and sit on the edge of it, letting out a deep sigh. You bring your hands to your now unbound hair and rake your fingers through it, trying to sooth yourself. It was working but then you hear a knock at your door. “Go away,” you say through gritted teeth. The person on the other side of the door seemed to pause. The voice then finally speaks and it’s the last person you want to see. 

Daniel’s voice is on the other side of the door. “C-can I come in?” he asks, softly. 

“No, you may not.” The pause is longer this time, and you think he has accepted the defeat and walked away but his voice calls again. “May I please come in and talk to you?”

You let out a deep sigh and pull your hair at the root. “Go away Daniel.”

“Y/N please, I need to talk to you,” he pleads, his voice cracking. 

Gods why? The sound of his voice cracking as he said your name sent a ripple into your chest and threatened to make you cave but once again, you had to brush it aside. 

“I thought I told you to fuck off!” you yell.

“Y/N please. I have things I need to say to you.”

You are not sure why or how but with the exhaustion tugging at you, you no longer felt like putting up a fight and so you say, “Fine.”

The door to your room slowly opens and you see Daniel slinking into the room. He sweeps his eye around the room letting them stop at the wall he had you pinned up against before letting them rest upon you and you see him recoil at it.

He softly shuts the door behind him before taking a few steps into the room and then halts. He looks over to the chair placed beside your bed and then glances at you before making his way over to it to deposit himself in.

Your arms are crossed over your chest, watching his every move. When he slumps into the chair you send a glare his way. “What do you want?” You ask sharply. 

Daniel looks over at you but then looks away. He rests his elbows on the top of his knees and bows his head. He brings one of his hands up and rubs it over his face. “I- look, can we just talk?” You grit your teeth and keep that cold gazed fixed upon him. “I'm waiting.”

Danny brings his hand down from his face and rests it against his leg, leaving his hand to hang limply over the side of it. “Can I just ask you som-”

“Oh for fucks sake Daniel! Look you better make it quick because I’m at my fucking wits end with you,” you snap, waving your hands in front of you. 

“Before I ask this…can you promise me you won’t get angry with me?” Your arms go back to cross over your chest. “I cannot make such promises.”

“Well then just promise me you will listen without interrupting me.” You clench your jaw at his words but give him a small nod of your to him to let him continue. 

Daniel swallows hard before he takes a deep breath. “May I explain why I put my hands on you?”

You scoff and roll your eyes. “Oh! So, you’re not here to apologize then, instead you're going to try and justify your actions? Real fucking smart,” you say and then push yourself off the bed and stride over to him. 

Daniel doesn’t move back as you come to step in front of him. Instead, he angles his head to look up at you. He brings his hands together in his lap and clutches them. “You’re right. I am not here to apologize.” All you could do was expose your canines to him as you hissed. 

Danny sits back in the chair, moving one of his hands to adjust himself as he spreads his legs open. Gods.What a cocky and arrogant bastard. 

“Yes, I did put my hands on you but let me explain exactly why I did so.” You snarl at him and take another step to stalk towards him. “I thought I told you I’m running out of patients.”

Danny remains stationary as you snarl down at him. He puts his arms over his chest and sank further back into the chair, crossing his ankle over his knee, making his foot brush against the fabric of your dress. Fucking prick.

 “Let. Me. Explain,” he commands in a stern and unwavering tone that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand on its end. You pray to the Gods that he won't notice the change in your scent as a small ripple of fear rolls up your spine. You push the fear aside and cross your arms over your chest and then lean down so your face is in front of his. “Speak.”

Daniel holds your stare, and you can see that cocky smirk starting to spread over his face, but he quickly washes it away. You straighten yourself back up and wait for his words.  “What I did was out of pure rage. Is it something that I wish I hadn’t done? Yes. However, that does not negate the fact that at that moment I was not thinking clearly.”

You let out a deep chuckle and throw your head back. You take a step away from him and turn on your heel, holding your hands behind you. Most people wouldn’t dare to turn their back to such a powerful male, but you didn’t care the slightest. 

With your back to him, you can practically feel his eyes roam over your body as they take in the deep cut out of the dress that exposes the skin of your back to him. You then stop your steps and swirl back to him and you were right. His eyes were lingering on your body. “I bet you are thinking of other ways to harm me right now huh?” 

Daniel sucks in a breath and leans himself back over his knees, his eyes going back down to stare at his hands clenched before him.  “I’m going to have to be very careful with this,” he seems to whisper to himself. Your eyes narrow on him, your brows scrunching together as you try to piece together what he could have meant. “With what?”

Daniel peels away his gaze from his hands and sets them on you. “With you.”

You feel your body stiffen. You? What could he possibly want from you? “W-what about me? Do you wish to harm me or strangle me again?” Daniel’s eyes seem to grow wide, and he shakes his head. “I wish to do neither of those things to you.”

You don’t why the question comes to mind, but it comes out of your mouth before you can even stop it. “Then, then what do you want to do with me?”

Danny’s body seems to grow rigid, and you watch as his pupils dilate. One of his hands releases from his own and you watch as it sinks into his thigh. He uncrosses his legs and lets his eyes rake over your entire body and it leaves you still and utterly breathless. “I would like to ask you a personal question, Y/N.” That seems to do the trick and snap you out of it. Your eyes narrow again and you feel your anger start to stir and something else. That same feeling from before. “And why the fuck would I allow you to ask me such a thing?” you hiss. 

“Listen you may say ‘no’, but just let me ask you the question.”

“You know I’m armed right?” 

You watch his eyes as they look over to the knife on your dresser. You let out a small laugh and shake your head. “No, that isn’t the knife I’m talking about.” Daniel nods and clears his throat. “I’m aware. So let me ask you this. I know that at this moment you are not going to forgive me for my actions, but I would like to know if you would consider it one day?”

You give him a small shrug and turn back on my heel away from him with my hands still clasped behind my back. “Who’s to say?”

You hear Daniel loosen a breath behind you. “Then may I ask you one more question?” You whirl back on your heel to face him. “I would be very careful with how you wish to proceed,” you snap back, your eyes narrowing on him again. 

Daniel takes note of your body language and the growl that came from you. His eyes again sweep over you. “Would you be open to the idea of possibly starting a relationship with m-”

Your body grows utterly stiff but then you find yourself unable to contain the fury that sweeps over and blinds you. “Are you out of your fucking mind?” You yell, stomping over to him. “Why would I ever do such a thing, huh? S-so I can grant you the liberty of possibly inflicting harm on me? A-and how would you even know, huh? How would you even know if there is some sort of bond between us? O-or the sheer fact that I would even accept it? Are you actually out of your fucking mind?” 

The pure fury that flies out of you leaves your body shaking. Daniel takes note of it and holds up a hand, his eyes growing wide at your outburst. Your body halts seeing his hand being held up. Daniel leans back against the chair and sighs. “If you would have let me finish my question before you decided to interrupt me, I would’ve explained further.”

“Then what the fuck do you mean ‘relationship with me’?” You hiss as you push aside his hand and lean over him. 

“What I meant was a civilized relationship. Get your head out of the fucking gutter Y/N,” he hisses back but you could see the amusement that started to spread on his face. Your body stiffens and you pull yourself away from him. “Oh,” is the only word you find yourself able to say. 

Daniel leans back in the chair, and you see him smirk as he runs a hand through his curls. “Mating bond though? That’s cute,” he says with a small laugh. You feel heat rise to your cheeks and this time you know it’s not out of anger. “S-shut up,” you say but your voice falters. 

Daniel moved his body and sat up slightly in the chair, his arrogant smirk still plastered on his face. “Why? Do you wish to find out?” he says in a cocky tone, this time letting his eyes linger on curved parts of your body without trying to hide it. Your hands bawl up to fists at your side. “No. No I would not,” you say through clenched teeth. 

Danny sighs and slumps back into the chair. 'Shame, cuz’ I wouldn’t have minded. I’ve always wondered if you are crazy and reckless in the bedro-” You hiss again and find yourself leaning back over so your face is right in front of his. “Oh!? So, you just want to ‘mate’ with me? Is that it?” you shout into his face.

Daniel’s eyes dip to where the front of your dress hangs down, exposing the upper part of your chest to him. He slowly lifts them back up and stares right into your soul. His eyes seem to gleam, and you know it has nothing to do with any sort of rage. When he speaks, his voice is low and gravely. “I’m going to be very honest with you Y/N…yes.” 

That was it. That was your final undoing. 

You reach under your dress where you kept the dagger strapped to the side of your thigh. You pulled it out of its strap and pressed it against his neck. “Is that what you came in here for? To tell me just how badly you want to fuck me?” Daniel doesn’t move away from the blade- doesn’t even try to push it aside. “No…but what if I said yes, then what?”

You grit your teeth and angle the dagger closer to his neck. “And why the fuck do you think I would ever grant you the access to share that part of me?”

Danny swallows and you see his throat bob against the blade. “Because I think you’ve thought about it before– I know you’ve thought about it before.” Your hand that clutches the blade starts to shake. “S-shut up,” you stutter out. 

You don’t know why you didn’t try to deny it or why you didn’t immediately protest as such an outrageous thing. And maybe, just maybe his words held an ounce of truth in them. 

His eyes hold yours and don’t make any sign or indication of looking away. “I know Y/N. I see the way you look at me…how your eyes sometimes linger over my body. I know because that is the way that I find myself looking at you. I know.”

Your mind had gone completely blank. Not at him stating that he knew your eyes would sometimes linger, but at his own confession. The fact that he looked at you the same way with nothing but hunger and desire. 

“I thought I told you to shut up,” you spit back at him, tilting your body so you hovered back over his face. Daniel does nothing except gaze back. His eyes began to swirl with smoke and flame. 

The mixture of emotions that courses through you makes your head spin. You knew it was true. All of it. There were times when you had come into the training ring and found yourself unable to take your eyes off of him. The way his muscles shifted each time he flung his sword and how by the end of it, his body was drenched in a layer of sweat that made those muscles of his glisten under the rays of sun. You knew that he noticed you watching him– could sense your eyes on him but he never acted upon it. All he would do is cast you a knowing glance and a smirk would be upturned on his face. All you could do was glare at him and then quickly avert your eyes, feeling warmth spread over the tops of your cheeks.

Leaning yourself further into his face, you press the dagger closer against his skin. “So what?” you say, with a cock of your eyebrow. Another small challenge for him. He swallows and lowers his voice to that gravely and dark tone that makes chills form across your skin. “So…would it be such a bad thing?”

Your chest tightens at his words, and you feel yourself not knowing how to think– let alone act. You open your mouth to say something snarky back, but no words seem to come to mind. With a shaky deep breath, you let yourself finally give into that nagging feeling that had been pestering you all day. 

With your legs failing to collapse under you, you deem yourself to take a step forward. Then another so you are now standing between his legs. You can see Daniel sink his hands into the soft cushion of the chair like he was fighting against every instinct that raked through him not to reach out and grab you. 

Another deep breath and then you move one of your legs and lift it over his. Then you follow with the other, so you are now sitting on his lap, straddling him. Daniel’s body stiffens beneath you, and you once again spot his hands sinking into the cushion, clawing at the fabric. You wouldn’t be surprised if you saw small tears in the fabric the next day. 

His eyes close for a moment and you can hear him mumble a curse under his breath before he lets out a ragged breath and looks back at you. 

You look at him over the bridge of your nose. “I-if you think that there is even the slightest chance of having a mating bond,” Gods, the words felt strange and foreign as they rolled off your tongue, “then now would be the time to prove it.”

Daniel doesn’t know what to do as he is pinned under you. His heartbeat pounded so hard and fast that the noise appeared to be rattling his brain. All he could do was blink up at you. Was she really going to allow him to try something or was this just another one of her games?

Daniel swallowed thickly and you could feel his body tremble beneath you. “I- I would like to try something…”

The cloud and whirlwind of emotions starts up again, feeling like it is ripping you from the inside out– gutting you. It’s worse than the feeling of a blade piercing your skin. You swallow and your eyes dart over the expanse of his face. “W-what is it?” you ask, your grasp started to loosen on the dagger.

The muscles in his jaw feather and you feel him shift beneath you. It takes everything in you not to gasp at the feeling of his body moving beneath yours. 

“There is a way…to test it. To see if there is truly anything that lies between us. Would you be open to finding out?” Your tongue feels heavy in your mouth, but you manage to find the words. “H-how? What is it?”

“There’s a certain gesture–no gesture is the wrong word for it,” Daniel says stumbling over his own words, “I don’t really know how to phrase it other than it being a sort of test. But if it does happen to work and there truly is some sort of bond in place, then it should be almost instantaneous.”

You feel your body grow tense. You weren’t sure exactly what he had in mind and that only made the wheels in your head start to turn. For the first time, you let your guard drop in front of him and show him the nerves that made your body start to tremble. 

Daniel’s face grows soft, noticing the change in your demeanor. “Hey, hey, it’s nothing crazy or anything that will harm you…I promise you this Y/N,” he says, and you watch his hand come off of the cushion and raise it but then he drops it. It was like he was going to reach out and caress the side of your face but then opted against it. 

“What is it Danny?” you ask with a soft voice but you make sure to pull yourself back together and manage to throw in a snarky comment. “And don’t be smart about it. I can already feel your other gesture poking into my leg,” you say with a small smirk. 

Daniel’s mouth curves upward into a smile and you see his eyes quickly dart to where you are seated on his lap. “Yes, there is also that, but allow me to show you what I mean.”

You feel your body burning once again as you grow impatient. The tip of the blade angles deeper against his neck and presses, letting it sink into his skin but not deep enough to truly cause any harm. 

Daniel tenses beneath you and you watch as he turns his head slightly to try and put some distance between himself and the blade. He sucks in a deep breath, and you see his face harden, his brows narrowing in on you. “You may not like it. You have to fully submit yourself to me.”

Your body grew stiff and rigid. Your mind instantly felt leadened as you realized just exactly what he was saying– what he was asking you to do. And you couldn’t. You would not. 

What Daniel was asking of you was something that was far too much– too invasive…too intimate. The idea of it extinguished the growing fire that filled you and burned it away. The sheer thought of having to submit yourself fully to him and having to willfully show him everything made your stomach turn. 

There were things you couldn’t even bring yourself to acknowledge but you knew these things had happened and you felt nothing but shame and guilt for the things you had done. For him to even ask you of that, to fully allow yourself to show yourself to him– all the good, the bad and the ugly…it was all too much. 

“No,” you said softly and when that fog in your mind cleared, you started again, this time your words sure and steady. “No! I- I can’t! I will not lower my shields for you!” You try your best to control the trembling racking through your body, but it feels all too much. You weigh his words again and the trembling continues. 

You swallow and blink, trying to shake away the racing thoughts that blur your vision. You tried. You tried with all you might to remain strong in front of him, but it was too much. You let your eyes drop, your hair cascading in front of you to shield him out. If you were to have taken a glance, you would’ve seen the softness that crept onto Daniel’s face. 

“Why? Why not Y/N?” He says, his voice coming out as nothing but a whisper.

Your chest ached at the softness of his voice. The softness of it, the vulnerability in it as if he was truly trying to understand what burned underneath all the fire and anger you held in your heart. He was trying to understand. The thought alone made your eyes line with tears. 

You sucked in a shuddering breath and lifted your head. When your teary eyes met him again, you saw his face ripple with what looked like desolation and sorrow but not only that. Pain. 

The hand clutching the knife against him was now limp as your eyes searched his face, really searched his face. You took him in, letting your eyes linger on the parts of him that you hadn’t dared to let yourself get lost in for too long. His strong cheekbones, his chiseled jaw, the way in which his prominent nose stood from his face to arch down at the end to form a point. A point that led down to his plump, sensual lips.

Your eyes flickered back up to his and you saw his browns come together, trying to read through every thought that washed within you. “B-because…I don’t trust you Danny,” you whispered to him.  Danny actually winced, he winced at your words. The thick column of his neck bobbed as he swallowed again. With a slow and steady hand, he reached up and tucked back loose tendrils of your hair behind your ear. You felt yourself shudder against the touch and you knew it wasn’t from fear. 

            His hand brushed against the side of your cheek until his fingers crept under your chin and held your face there. This touch, this touch was far different from the hands that had been wrapped around you earlier. They were weary and seemed a bit unsure. 

            “I know Y/N…a-and I’m sorry. Truly I am. But, just,” he sighed, “Can you at least put the knife down?” Your fingers again wrapped themselves around the handle of the dagger but then you slowly loosened them and dropped the dagger. The sound of it clattered to the floor and you glanced at it briefly before your eyes slipped back to his. Danny let out a shaky breath and you felt his body relax under you. 

            “Good. Okay, now will you try? W-will you let me…please?” There was such uncertainty in his words, and you saw his eyes dance around your face trying to read the blank expression plastered on it. 

            Slowly, so slowly you nodded your head and relief washed over his face. But it was instantly gone as you stiffened your body and stared him down. “Wait. I want to try first. Let me in your mind.” Danny’s eyes grow wide a bit, surely taken back by what you now laid out before him but then the expression was gone. He nibbled against his bottom lip but then gave a small incline of his head. “Okay.”

            His words were the confirmation you needed, and you gathered all your strength inside you, felt it coil and rip into your veins. Daniel dropped his hand from your face and laid them back over the arms of the chair. With your hands now free of the dagger, you slowly let them come to rest on top of his. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to touch him, you did but you knew that the added connection would help you. Would wield you in a way to him. A sort of lifeline if you needed it. 

            With a final shaky breath, you let your gaze harden on his. The room was silent as he stared back at you blankly as if to show you know he was no threat and that for you…he would do this for you. 

            Slowly, you let your eyes close, keeping the frame of him wielded inside your brain as you sent a blind hand out to try and find just what you were looking for. 

            Everything was dark as you pushed your power forward and your face contorted into a grimace as you concentrated. Your jaw clenched as you pushed yourself further but still. There was nothing. 

“I-I can’t find you,” you said, feeling your eyes shift back and forth behind your eyelids. Your hands that rested on top of his now gripped the top of his hands as if doing so could help you further. 

            “Steady yourself. You're coming on too strong and you're letting your emotions cloud over. Try to relax and ease yourself in,” Danny spoke softly. You let out a deep sigh to ease everything stirring within you. You flexed your hands out over top of his and then let them lay gently on top of his. You cleared your mind and let it go blank before you tried again. 

            Slowly you let your mind go and this time you could feel it creeping to something–for something. It was still dark, but it now felt you were being guided down a tunnel. You felt all of its twists and turns as you reached with a hand and let your hand brush against it, trying to find a sliver or weak spot within it. “I-it’s still dark. I still can’t find you, but I feel something…like I’m being carried somewhere.”

            “Good. Keep trying, keep following that path. Let me guide you there. Just focus on the sound of my voice.”

            You gave a small nod of your head and felt him shift under you. Then one of his hands slipped out from under yours and you almost cursed at the lost connection until you felt it gently placed on the small of your back, steadying you in his lap as he leaned himself forward. His breath danced along the side of your neck, your ear and felt it send a shiver down your spine that made your back arch slightly. “Follow my voice. Focus on it. The pitch, the words. Use it and let it guide you.” With your eyes still closed you nodded. 

            “Are you listening, Y/N?” he asked and the way that made your blood run hot but this time not with rage or anger. You could feel his breath hitting your ear and the tone he used lapped around you, making your breath shutter. You silently cursed at yourself when you felt your core pulse. “Yes,” you whispered, your voice suddenly stripped from you. 

            “Good, now just listen to the sound of it.”

            “I’m listening.”

            “Good,” he says so softly and you swear you could almost feel his lips murmuring the words against you.

            You forced yourself to focus back on that task at hand and when you did– a small shimmering. An opening. You wanted to race to it, not knowing if the image would stay but you held yourself back. If you lunged for it too quickly it might vanish. Instead, you let your mind slowly creep towards it. 

            “I-I see it. I see a wall,” you said faintly. 

            “Describe it to me. What all do you see?” Danny cooed into your ear. 

Your brows knitted together, trying to focus on just what it was exactly that was in front of you. It was solid and blank. Just a high stone black wall that was so high you couldn’t see the top of it. It just stood there, looming in front of you. You frowned again and shook your head. “I don’t know, i-it’s just a wall. A big wall.”

“Then you know what to do, Y/n. Go through it. Try to find a way through it.”

You squinted your eyes further together and tried to find a door, a crack, a sliver of something. Anything. But it was solid. A hand reached for the wall trying to feel for any weak spots but there was none. As you reached that blind hand towards it, you heard Danny shudder slightly at the nails now trying to scratch in and open his mind. “That’s it. Keep going.”

So you did. You walked yourself along the wall that seemed to stretch for miles and miles but there was still nothing. All his training had paid off. The wall seemed utterly impenetrable. You tried again, now trying to picture an opening. Trying to find any way through.

You were about to give up but then suddenly– it was like a window appeared out of nowhere. You were now the one to shudder as you slowly made your way towards it. “I- I see something.”

“What do you see?” Danny said, breathing down your neck. You felt his hand that was resting against the small of your back, digging into you a bit.

“It’s a window…a-and it’s open.”

“Good, now climb through it.”

You approached the open window and took a step forward. You were about to push it open and step into it but it was stuck. You grimaced and tried to open it wider again, but it didn’t move. You let out a deep sigh and shook your head. “I can’t get through. It’s stuck.” You had tried your hardest, but it seemed like it was no use. 

‘I’m sorry,”’ Danny said but there was something off. He was speaking but the words didn’t come from his lips. 

As soon as you realized just what had happened you felt yourself stumble into the window. You opened your eyes, them growing wide as you took in the sight of him. His body was now close, so close to you. He pulled back a little so you could see the full shape of his face before you. But even now, seeing him before you, you could also see inside his head. There were many different doors. Some were lighter and looked welcoming and others– others were dark and just looking at them made you feel unnerved. 

 ‘W-wait…it worked? Can you hear me?’ you spoke to him now mind to mind. 

You saw the own shocked expression flash across Danny’s face as he too realized that you had actually done it. You had gone into his mind. Were in his mind.

‘Yes, I can hear you. Can you hear me?’ Danny said to you. 

You gave a nod of your head. ‘I can see everything,”’ you said as your hand grasped the knob of one of the more welcoming doors. You opened it and were met with a memory of him, Rhys, Cassian, Azriel and Jake who were all lounging on various chairs and couches. Their heads were tilted back in laughter as Cassian told a story about an encounter with a girl and clearly, she hadn’t known who he was– what he was and told him that she could very well take him up in a fight without a doubt. 

The sound of your own laughter filled the room, and you watched Danny’s lips curve upwards as he let out a soft chuckle. More warm memories infiltrated your brain, and you smiled but then the memories vanished, and you felt yourself being shoved through another door. This one was not welcoming at all. 

Images flashed in your head of– of war. It was bloody and gruesome, and you felt nausea turn in your gut as you beheld fallen soldiers, bloodied, and splayed out before you. They were scratched and bloody, so bloody. Some of the cuts were so deep that you could see the white of their bone at the opened gashes. 

Your body was frozen, and your hand dug into his. His own eyes grew wide at the sight of your fear. “Out! I want out! Danny push me out!” you screamed at him this time the words came from your lips. 

Danny beheld you in front of him, a frantic look on his face and then he grimaced, and you were instantly shoved out of the door and then slipped completely out of his mind. 

Your breathing was heavy, and you panted, trying to calm yourself down from the images that were now permanently embedded in your head. 

Danny slipped his other hand out from under you and reached up to troked the side of your cheek, but you flinched back. He instantly recoiled his hand and placed it back on the armrest. “I-I’m sorry. I don’t know why that door appeared, why it felt the need to push you through it. Are you okay?”

You gave a slow nod of your head, your breathing now coming out at a slow, even pace. You slowly braced your arms on the chair and pushed yourself off of his lap. Even though your breathing had slowed, your heart still beat rapidly under your chest.

You paced around the room trying to gather all the thoughts that invaded you and sort them out. If this truly was a test, then was that meant to happen? Were you supposed to see everything?  The good, the bad and the ugly…all of it. 

Danny sat perched in the chair, watching you as you paced the room. Ever so slowly, he pushed himself out of the chair and started to approach you. “Y/N,” he said but you couldn’t hear them over the thoughts that clouded and filled your head. He took another step and placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. That same gentle touch from earlier that now seemed like a millennia ago. 

“Y/N,” he spoke again, this time his voice sounding clearer.

You whirled around instantly to face him, not realizing how close he was to you and had to take a small step back. You were so frustrated and– and confused by what this all meant that it made you snap at him. “What does this mean?” you hissed at him.

Danny pulled his hand away from you and let it drop to his side. His own confusion was now written on his face too and he looked at the floor, shaking his head. “I know as much as you do. I know that people– Daemati can speak mind to mind…but mates? I…I don’t know if that is something that is granted or perhaps just happens? It is beyond the knowledge I possess.”

“I know, but what does this mean?” you signaled with your hand, pointing between the two of you. Daniel again shook his head and raised his eyes to meet you. “All I know is that you can now enter my mind and maybe I can enter yours, if that’s something you would allow me to anyways. But it works both ways. Even with or without the mating bond…it still means there’s some sort of connection.”

You took in every word he said. Both of you seemed utterly lost. While yes it may be something. It wasn’t necessarily the answer you were looking for. You looked at him and you felt your eyes soften as the question rose into your head. “But how do I know if you’re truly my mate?”

Daniel’s eyes took you in and something flashed in them– something feral and wild. A smirk marked his face, and he stepped forward closing the distance between us. “Well then maybe we should find out. It could be rather interesting. Do you want to play, Y/N?” 

Your hands found his chest and you shoved him back as you scoffed. 'Prick.' You heard Daniel laugh and you cursed at yourself for not pulling your mental shields up. Daniel smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. He cocked a brow, that cunning smirk still on his face. “And here I was thinking that your anger towards me wasn’t anger at all. I think you rather enjoy it.”

You let your face harden as you glared at him. “What are you talking about?” You asked, mirroring him and now letting your own arms cross in front of you. Danny stared at you and his grin grew further. “Oh, come on, all the so-called anger you have towards me. You don’t think I’m that stupid do y-”

“Oh, it's definitely crossed my mind.”

Danny just rolled his eyes but let his hands fall to his sides. “I think all that anger is you trying to flirt with me. You like it. You like when we bicker and argue. It does something to you and I would be lying if it didn’t do the same to me.”You scoffed and rolled your eyes. “That doesn’t mean shit.”

Danny took a step toward you, and you could clearly see the challenge held in that step. “But it does. You want to play. You like it when we play.”

“Have you maybe thought that for one second that it’s because I think you’re an arrogant, annoying asshole?” Danny tilted his head back and laughed. “Oh, come on, we both know the answer to that. But I can see it– sense it when I’m around you and when I touch y-”

“Oh! Like you did early when your hands were wrapped around my throat?”

Danny’s gaze hardened and you watched the muscles in his jaw flex. “You know how sorry I am about that. I- that’s not what I meant,” Danny said with a shake of his head. 

When his eyes met yours again, they had that feral gleam in them. He took another step towards you. “Don’t lie, you know exactly what I’m talking about.” You swallowed as you looked up at him. “Just now, when you were sitting on my lap, you felt it didn’t you? Felt the way my hands felt on your body, the way you arched into me when I whispered in your ear. Did you enjoy that?”

All you could do was stare up at him. You couldn’t begin to deny it because it was true, and it left your body trembling…your core aching. 

You had had many lovers, some of them good, some of them…bad. But even with how amazing they were and how they left you pleased and satisfied it felt like nothing compared to the way his hands felt. 

You had noticed it the first time he touched you. It was an accident. You were up in the training ring sparring with Jake, and you had stumbled back only for Daniel to wrap your arms around it to catch you but when he did…it felt like lightning had been shot into your skin. You had whirled around to see who it was who had caught you and when you realized it was him your eyes grew wide, but you quickly replaced it with a glare. The same look had been plastered on his face, but he only gave you a nod of his head to signal to go back to training. 

“You felt it too?” Danny asked, looking at you once over. You stared blankly at him but gave him a small nod. “I think that’s when I knew.”

“Knew what?” You asked, your eyes narrowing in on him. Danny sucked in a breath and let it out. “It’s when I knew…you were my mate.”

Your eyes grew wide, and you just stared at him. Stared and stared and stared. The hands you had crossed in front of your chest dropped and you let them fall to your sides, your mouth gaping. “W-what?”

“Mate,” Danny said again, “you’re my mate.”

Mate. Mate. You were his mate. Your eyes scanned his face, searching for what? You didn’t know. Your body felt like it was a statue, and you felt your breath halt in your chest. Shaking your head, you closed your eyes, trying to process what he just said. You opened them. “I- what? How? W-when did you know?” Danny gave a casual shrug like any of this was normal. “I think I knew from the first moment I saw you.”

Your eyes grew wide, and your hands bawled into fists. “Y-you’ve known for that long, and you didn’t tell me?”  Danny gave another casual shrug of his shoulders. “Well yeah…I-I guess I didn’t know what to say– if I should say anything at all.”

A scoff escaped you and you threw your hands back over your chest. “You knew…and yet you still didn’t tell me. Why? Were you afraid I might reject you…it?” Daniel’s face softened and you saw that doubt and uncertainty flash onto it. “I- yes. I was afraid you would say no-”

You took a step forward. “And what would you do if I rejected it now?”

Daniel stiffened and opened his mouth and then shut it. He took you in, really looked at you, the same way you had looked at him moments ago. And the way he looked at you, it ignited something under your skin. 

“If I’m being honest…I don’t know. I think it would crush me…I’d get over it- I mean I’d have to.” You watched him speak with such sincerity and you felt that ache in your chest grow. Would it crush you as well?

You let out a deep sigh and ran a hand down your face. You dropped it only to see him standing there and you swear he almost looked uncomfortable. Perhaps this was rather uncomfortable. It was for you anyway, but you couldn’t imagine how it must’ve been for him since he’s the one who knew and had admitted it. 

“I wait…I have questions. Sit,” you said pointing back to the chair behind him. Danny gave a small nod of his head and walked the short distance and plopped himself into the chair shifting his wings, so they draped around the back. He clutched his hands together as he balanced them over his knees. 

You stalked over to him. “If what you’re saying is true…then is this why explain why we’re always at each other’s throats– feel the need to be? I mean what you said is true, I enjoy it…t-the playing, the taunting…the flirting. But is this the real reason why?”

Danny gave a small nod of his head and shifted in his seat. “Yes, I think that may have something to do with it. I don’t think it is much of a coincidence how easily we seem to rile each other up. I think sometimes we- well maybe more I would, I guess sometimes see it as a challenge, a way to almost invade me or my space but it almost felt…territorial, I guess. Like I wanted– still want to keep drawing you back to me because I knew…I know. I wanted to keep you coming back because that part of me deep down knew that you were mine.” 

“And when you put your hands on me…. Was there something more behind that?”

Danny nodded slowly and let out a sigh. “I think it’s because I was frustrated. And believe me I know it wasn’t right– isn’t right but it killed me to know something was bothering you o-or hurting you and you wouldn’t tell me. And in turn, I couldn’t do anything about it. And it’s not because I could see that you were clearly upset…it’s because I felt it. I could feel something was wrong.”

“B-because of the bond?” you asked softly. “Because of the bond,” Danny echoed. 

“B-but then why couldn’t I feel that? If you were upset or something was bothering you,” you asked with a small frown. 

Another casual shrug. “Maybe because you didn’t know? But then again, maybe you did feel something but mistook it as your own emotions, whatever that feeling was.” His words made sense. You were always a bit moody, and your emotions always seemed to run high but there were times when you would feel a strong wave of emotion hit you and you didn’t know where it was coming from or why. But maybe these emotions were actually his all along.

You stopped short in front of him and the ache in your chest grew. Not for what he was saying but for him.Danny laid everything out. All the things he had kept to himself for so long that he had finally confessed to you. 

His eyes stilled on you and something like fear flashed across his face– like he had said too much and regretted it. But no, you wouldn’t allow him to think those thoughts. Instead, you prowled closer to him. 

“You know, I can smell you, scent you when you’re around. And sometimes, when a room is packed and crowded, I still can scent you and it’s strong. It rises above all the rest even when I can’t see you. Like something in my body knows you’re there and is telling me to go to you…” Daniel swallowed and leaned back a bit. “I know, because the same thing happens to me.”

“You can scent me too?” you said, taking another weary step to him. 

“Of course, I can and sometimes it drives me fucking nuts. Especially when I know you’re there and can’t see you.”

The both of you stilled and blinked at each other for a moment. You took him in, his casual appearance and how he seemed utterly calm. “H-how are you okay with all of this? How do you look so calm?” Danny’s eyebrows raised upward, and his eyes grew wide. “Calm? I’m anything but that right now. I may not be showing it but I’m freaking out right now.” You gave him a small smile to try and reassure him and he returned it. 

You stalked closer to him. “And just how do I reject or accept the bond?” Danny went utterly still and looked up at you. He blinked a few times and then cleared his throat. “Well, if you want to reject it, you do just that. Reject it. But if you decide to accept it…well the act seems rather silly but it’s something deeply rooted into our traditions.”

“And just what exactly is that?”

“The female offers their mate food if she accepts. But with that they also accept everything that comes with it. Embrace it, but not only the bond but who they are. It means they accept everything about that person regardless of the flaws they may have. It means that they claim them as theirs and they claim them as the same. As one.” You swallowed and nodded, absorbing all the information he laid out for you. Your eyes traveled to the nightstand beside your bed. You slowly walked over to it and felt his eyes on your back. If he was thinking about your movements, he didn’t voice them. 

“But I guess there may be another way…another way we already know. And before you protest– no it’s not that. I mean of course it can certainly help in some cases but what I mean is touch. Some people know then and choose to accept it that instant if they feel it. But like I said…we already know that. Sometimes a pair can know just by looking at each other. It differs from everyone.”

You gave a small nod of your head as you closed the distance to the nightstand. “But even though we may have felt that…I didn’t accept it because I didn't know then,” you said as you opened the drawer to the nightstand. “That is correct. For us– well for you, you hadn’t known. So, in our case, it’s different,” Danny spoke.

You gave another nod of your head and rummaged around in the drawer and then you found what you were looking for. You grabbed it and held it behind your back as you walked back over to him. Daniel ran a curious eye over you as you stopped in front of him. 

“Well, I may not have known then, but I know now.” Daniel kept that watchful eye on you, trying to understand just what you meant with your words. Your hand tightly gripped the item behind you and then with a shaky breath, you extended the hand out to him.

In it was a small chocolate wrapped in a red bow. His eyes grew wide, and he looked up at me. “I know it’s not much, b-but it’s all I have.”

Daniel smiled at you, truly smiled and he plucked the small chocolate from your hand. This wasn’t just an offering. It was a sort of union. A knowledge and acceptance that you would now be his and that he would now be yours. 

You watched him carefully as he undid the tiny bow and plucked away at the wrapper. A small smile was on his face as he brought it to his mouth and when he did his eyes found yours. He held the small candy in front of his mouth, and you felt your breath catch not knowing if now he would accept. But then all the worries that clouded your mind soon vanished as he popped the candy into his mouth. 

A relieved breath escaped you and you watched him chew and then swallow. And maybe you were too caught up in the moment, but you swear something shifted within you. And maybe he sensed it too because something lit up in those hazel eyes of his. 

All you could do was stare at him, your mind racing at one hundred miles an hour as you realized what you had offered to him and what he had now gladly accepted.

The moment seemed to last forever as you both beheld the sight of each other. Mates. He was your mate, and you were his. That word echoed through you and felt foreign but something about it felt so…right. Danny was your mate. 

Danny reached out a hand and gripped the fabric of your dress loosely and Gods. The sight of him seated below you with his head angled up…It tore through you and ignited a fire that burned so deeply that it felt like all of the worlds had tipped on its axis. 

His hand slid up and cupped your thigh from behind, pulling you closer to him. His hand dug into while he pulled you in so close that his nose almost brushed the lilac fabric of your gown. It was enough to make your breath and body halt in their place.

Your hands were still hung loosely at your sides, and you rubbed your thumb over them, suddenly not knowing what to do with them– where to put them or if you should put them anywhere at all. Danny’s eyes glanced at them and then back up to you. ‘Just fucking touch me already,’ he said into your mind. So, you did. 

Your hands lunged for him and grabbed hold of his face in your hands while climbing back onto his lap. He shifted back into the seat, his hands now coming to hold onto your waist. 

You didn’t waste any time as you crashed your lips into his. The feeling of his lips moving beneath yours gave you the same electrifying feeling from the first time he had touched you but this time it was way more intense. Your hands and body worked on a mind of their own as they moved along him, touching, and exploring the parts of him that you had secretly pawned over for so long. 

If you thought that you were a mess, then clearly it was nothing compared to how Danny had felt. His hands moved along your back, gripping you tightly to him as they did the same and explored your body. You could feel his breath tangled with yours and heard the sound of him groaning as he pressed himself further against you. 

You felt one of his hands move to cup your backside while the other snaked further up your neck and grabbed hold of the nape of your neck. He gave a small tug to the hair there and your head tilted back, a low moan crawling out of you. 

He tore his lips away from yours only to replace them along the column of your neck. Danny let out his own soft moans against you while he kissed and nibbled along the sensitive skin. 

Your own hands traveled up his body until they were tangled in his curly locks. You came to the top of his head where half of his hair was tied up in a thin leather band and hooked your finger under it, letting his bounded hair fall down to his shoulders. He was so fucking beautiful. 

Your hands and body were now frantic as every thought left your mind and there was only one left. You needed him and you needed him badly. 

Your lips found his again and you practically melted into him when his tongue pushed into your mouth. If his scent was enough to drive you mad, the taste of him would make you go utterly fucking insane. Danny’s hands traveled back to your hips and gripped them, he shifted a bit and you felt his own madness poking beneath you. Your hands ran down the front of his body, feeling the hard, taught muscles of his chest and stomach until they gripped the bottom edge of his tank top and ripped it off of him, carefully minding his wings. 

You brought your mouth away from his and peered down at his bare chest beneath you. You felt his hungry eyes watch you every move. When you looked down, you could see the tattoos that slithered along his skin. You had seen them before but never up close. You let your fingertips trace along them as if to mark a new imprint of your own against him. 

Your eyes traveled along the expanse of him, and you noticed his golden tan skin that had small flecks of white lines– old scars. Some of them you noticed were cut so deep that his skin hadn’t healed smoothly and protruded out. Battle marks. Each from a different war or past encounter. Each a different reminder of all that he had faced in his past.

Your finger grazed over one of the more brutal looking scars and you casted your eyes up to his. “Do they hurt?”

Daniel gave you a soft smile and shook his head. “No.” You just glanced back at his body and gave a small nod of your head. One of his hands left your hips and came to cup the side of your face as he pulled your back to his lips.  His kiss erases all those daunting and looming thoughts that plagued your mind. 

You were completely consumed by the desire that raged and pressed into your veins. A groan escaped you when you felt his teeth nip along your bottom lip and it left your core aching. You nipped him back and felt him smile beneath your lips. “I knew you wanted to play,” Daniel mumbled against your lips. You smirked and let your mouth meet his again but not before you ground your hips against him. He hissed and his hands tightened on your hips. Play with me Danny, you spoke into his mind. 

It seemed like those were just the words he had needed to hear because his hands slid to cup your backside and he rose up from the chair in one fluid motion. Your legs tightened around his waist, further pushing his hardness into you that made you cry out at the pressure. 

He walked the short distance to your bed and gently laid you on it, not breaking the kiss. You felt him crawl up the bed, placing one of his hands beside your head while the other lingered on the crest of your hip. 

You pulled back for a brief moment just to cast a glance at him and when you did– cauldron burn and boil you. He was propped on his knees, kneeling between yours. His bare chest in the dim shadows only seemed to further enhance the ridges and dips of his muscles. His dark curly hair that was now unbound came to hang around the sides of his face. His dark wings that were tucked behind him now were splayed out. And his eyes– God's eyes. They devoured you from the inside out and were completely wild, his pupils shot. A picture of purebred power only that could be crafted by the Gods hands. 

Daniel’s dark eyes raked up the expanse of your body and you watched his chest rise and fall heavily. You pushed yourself up so you balanced on your elbows and reached a hand out and laid your palm flat against his stomach. You felt his muscles twitch and saw him look down at your hand, bringing his bottom lip between his teeth as that started to slide down lower and lower. 

You let it stop at the top of his leather pants and you leaned yourself up into a sitting position as you ever so delicately began to undo the laces of his pants. You were able to see the outline of just what exactly was being held and bound against his pants and the sight was enough to make your hands start to shake. 

Daniel’s hands came to rest on top of yours and you tilted your head to look up at him. A flash of concern was drawn on his face. “We don’t have to, you know,” he spoke softly, his hands tightening on yours to try and ease that shakiness. You looked away from a mere second but then quickly found his eyes again. “I-I want to.”

Danny gave a small incline of his head and then leaned down, so his lips tickled the shell of your ear. “Just tell me if it’s too much. I’ll try to be as gentle as I can, but I have been dreaming about this moment for so long that I don’t think I’ll be able to hold myself back.”

You felt your core clench around nothing as his words lapped against your ear. You continued with the task at hand and found your fingers quickly working to undo those final laces, this time trembling from anticipation alone. You got them undone and turned your head slightly and felt the side of his face against yours. “Please. Please don’t hold back.”

That seemed to be all he needed because he softly pressed his hand to your chest, and you fell back onto the bed. He gripped both of your thighs and slid your body down to him. He gave a small shift of his hips and fully pressed himself against you and that feeling alone had your back arching off the bed. You could see the outline of him behind his pants and knew he was big but it was nothing compared to how he now felt pressed against you. 

Danny’s lips pressed against the bottom of your neck and slowly trailed upward so his mouth was once again hovering by your ear. “I was hoping you would say that because I have no intention of holding myself back.”

A moan ripped from your throat, and you found your hips bucking up, grinding them against him while you tried to ease the ache that made your wetness start to pool. Your hands rested on his wrist while he held them on you and pressed his weight against you while you writhed underneath him. “Please Danny,” you begged, “I need you so fucking bad.”

That fiery flash rose in his eyes and Danny leaned up a bit and let his hands quickly went to his own body. He tugged down his pants and revealed himself fully to you. Your eyes grew wide seeing the full length of him, his cock hard and glistening at the tip with his arousal. He was fucking massive. 

He leaned himself back over you, bringing his mouth back to yours while his hand snaked up on the other side of your lilac dress, slowly dragging it upwards. The tips of his fingers brushed against the edge of your undergarments, and you bucked into his hand, signaling him further. 

Danny let out a low chuckle against you and his finger dipped under the elastic and pulled it back and let it snap against your skin. A shock squeal escaped you and his laugh rumbled through you. ‘Such a sensitive thing, aren’t you?’

‘Pri-’ but your thought was quickly cut off when you felt him drag a finger against the fabric and come to stop right at the apex of those nerves. A moan escaped you and he removed his mouth away from yours and pressed his lips back against the side of your neck. Your hips seemed to have a mind of their own, slowly rocking against his finger while you tried to get some relief from the building ache that lingered between your legs. 

‘Tell me what you want,’ Danny spoke into your mind, his lips still continuing to trail up and down the expanse of your neck. 

‘You, I want you. All of you. Please.’

Danny let out a deep growl and moved his hand and grabbed the edge of your undergarment and tore it off you –literally tore it. You felt the fabric sting and burn against your skin, and he tossed it over his shoulder and let it fall to the ground. 

‘How bad?’

‘So, fucking bad Danny.’

Without any hesitation, his finger brushed through your center and felt the wetness pooled there. “Fucking Hel, Y/N,” he growled. His finger made another pass through your wetness before it stopped at your clit and began to draw slow, coaxing circles onto it. You arched your back and a deep groan ripped through you. “Gods please Danny,” you cried. 

Danny nipped at the skin of your neck and moved his body down further along yours. He continued those small, daunting circles and you watched while he placed kisses over the fabric of your silk dress until his head was between your legs. 

With his other hand he slowly grabbed the hem of your dress and lifted it up. His eyes drifted to your face where your jaw was hung open, soft, shallow pants puffing past your lips while you anticipated his neck move. 

Danny pulled up the dress and you were fully revealed to him now. His eyes stared right between your legs, and you heard him cursed under his breath, his tongue poking out to wet his bottom lip. ‘You look fucking delicious.’

You were about to respond back but the words were knocked from you when you felt the brush of his lips against the inside of your thigh. He licked and nipped at the skin, and you felt your legs start to tremble just from the touch alone. 

He traveled his way up your leg, and you opened them further for him when they connected to the inside of your thigh where it met your hip. You cried out and released one of your hands from his wrist to tangle in his hair. You pulled at the root and jutted your hips up to try and catch his mouth. Danny let out a low laugh that sent shivers up your spine. ‘Is someone getting impatient?’

“Danny please,” you cried in a breathy moan. His fingers that were circling your clit stopped and you were about to try out again from the loss of contact but then you felt his tongue lick a stripe though you. 

Your back arched and you released the hand from him to have it clamp over your mouth as a loud moan was drawn from you. Danny groaned as he tasted you and you saw his hips grind down into the mattress, trying to release some of his own tension. 

‘You taste fucking delicious too,’ he said and licked up you again. You clamped your hand further down against your mouth and that hand he had stilled on your hip came up and yanked it away from your face. You looked down at Danny and saw his face set into stone. He removed his mouth from you and his jaw flexed. “Don’t do that again. If I’m going to make you cum, I want to hear every sound I coax out of you. I don’t give a fuck if others can hear. Do you understand?”

All you could do was nod and Daniel moved his head back down between your legs. His mouth clamped around your clit and this time the sounds of your pleasure filled and echoed off the walls of the room. 

He sucked on your clit and then rolled it gently between his teeth, making your fist a handful of his hair. His other hand was back and you and started to draw lazy circles at your entrance. You were absolutely drenched, and his fingers spread your arousal around. 

Danny moved his head to the side, taking his finger that was circling off of you. You whined and shifted your hips wanting more of him. His eyes flicked up to yours and you watched as he placed two of his fingers in his mouth and sucked. His eyes rolled back in his head while his tongue licked over his fingers and took in the taste of you. Your chest was falling rapidly and a heartbeat later you felt him push his finger into you and encompassed his mouth around your clit. 

You through your head back, a strangled moan clawing its way up through you. You kept your hand fisting his hair while the other clawed at sheets of the bed. He was good with his mouth alone but his fingers…Gods. Both of them worked in tandem, licking and pumping into you and your body trembled and shook around him. 

You were already so close, and he had barely scratched the surface. He groaned and it vibrated against you. His finger inside of you curled and brushed against that spot deep inside of you. You had never felt anything as intense as this. Nothing compared to this, and you knew nothing ever would now that he was yours. 

Danny pulled his finger back and slid them back into you, this time adding another digit into the mix. He had worked them into you slowly but now there was determination in each and every one of his moments. He curled his fingers, continuing to sweep over the spot while his tongue worked on your clit. You were close. So fucking close. 

Your breath grew faster and became more rapid. His eyes found yours and he sucked against your clit so hard that it had you shooting up. A low laugh rumbled against you, only making the pleasure grow stronger. He slowly pressed his hand to your chest to push you back down. ‘I know you’re close. I can feel how hard your pussy is squeezing my fingers…cum. Cum for me, Y/N.’

You bit your lip, looking down at him from your half-lidded eyes. The sight of him between your legs would forever be burned into your brain. His fingers gave another curl and with a flick of his tongue you came undone. 

Your cries of pleasure filled the room and your whole body trembled as you shook around his fingers. You had never come so hard before and you could see stars dancing behind your lids while you arched your back so high you thought it might snap. 

Danny removed his mouth from your clit but kept his fingers inside you slowly pumping them in and out while you rode out the length of your orgasm. His mouth peppered gentle kisses along the insides of your thighs, sometimes licking and biting but never enough to truly hurt. 

He withdrew his fingers from inside you and moved his face back up and gave a small kiss over your clit. Your body shuddered and you heard him chuckle. “So so sensitive for me, huh?” Danny said in a low voice and then proceeded to further his point as he blew against that sensitive spot that made your legs shake. Danny let out a hum of approval and then moved from his spot nestled between your legs to climb back over you. 

You let your free hand that wasn’t still tangled in his hair come to dance along his arm. Feeling the hard, strong muscle of it. Danny leaned down and brought his mouth to yours while his hands caressed the side of your face and neck. When he slipped his tongue into your mouth, you were able to taste yourself on him and you let out a deep groan.

Danny dug his hips into you, and you could feel his hardness pushing against the inside of your thigh. You moaned against his lips and felt him shift his hips, so his length was brushing higher and higher. 

“Please,” you moaned, grabbing the underside of his arm as you tried to push him further against your mouth. All he did was hum against your mouth and you felt his hand come off the side of your neck to grasp the edge of your dress. He tore his mouth from you and sat back on his heels while he pulled up the fabric of your dress. You too sat up, raising your arms over your head as he pulled the silk dress off of you and let it drop to the floor. 

Danny’s eyes scanned up the expanse of your body, the two of you now completely naked and bare before each other. You saw his cock twitch while he took in the sight of you and felt his hand slide up your stomach and then crept higher, pressing his palm between your breasts. ‘You’re fucking beautiful.’

Blush crept onto your face, and you gave him a soft smile. He brought his hand to the side of your cheek and swept his finger over the top of it, returning the small smile on your face. He slowly brought his mouth to yours and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. ‘You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this.’  Your lips started to move against his and you let yourself fall back against the bed and he fell with you. ‘Then please, give it to me Danny.’ 

Danny shuddered at your words and then shifted his hips, so he was closer to you. With his free hand, he grasped his length and began to drag it through your wet core. You moaned into his mouth, your back arching at the contact of him dragging his tip against your clit. ‘Just tell me if it’s too much’

You nodded and then you felt him drag his tip down further, so it was at your entrance. He pushed his hips and you felt him slip into you. Danny groaned and you let out a deep moan, your eyes growing wide at the sensation. He practically tore you in half. You gripped his bicep, and you watched his eyes that were fixated between your legs come to meet yours. ‘Shhh, just relax…you can take it. I’m not even all the way in yet.’

Your eyes grew wide but then you bit your lip and nodded to feel him give another push of his hips. Your back arched and Danny threw his head back, letting a moan slip past his lips. “Fuck Y/N.” He pulled his hips back and pressed into you again and you felt him slide in further, but you knew that still wasn’t all of him. You decided to wrap your legs around him and gave him a nudge to press into you further and he did.

“Oh, my Gods,” you screamed and felt your walls wrap around him as he pushed himself fully into you. Danny shuddered and fell onto his forearms to keep him upright. His mouth found yours and you felt your hands clawing at him to continue. 

He brought his hips back, almost fully pulling himself out of you before he plunged himself deep into you. You gasped and your body lifted off the bed as pure pleasure swept over and encompassed you entirely. His pace was slow and steady–sloppy even but it made every inch of your body stand on end. 

You brought your mouth back to his and let your hands travel along his back. Your finger gently grazed across the edge of his wings which made him let out a deep moan before you let them latch onto his shoulders. Your nails dug hard into his skin, puncturing it and you knew that marks would be left there. Good, you thought. You forever wanted to mark his entire body so he would forever be reminded that he was yours. 

Danny moved his mouth away from yours and then you felt him bite where your neck met your shoulder. His teeth sunk in and all you could do was groan at the sensation. It hurt slightly but it felt so damn good. 

He pushed away from you to grab both of your hips in his hands, angling your bottom half off of the bed and brought your body down against his. Something not short of a scream ripped through your chest while he continued to slam his hips into you, hard and utterly viscous. He told he wouldn’t hold anything back and he didn’t. 

Each thrust of his hips knocked the breath out of you and your hands didn’t know where to reach, to grab for him, your own body, or the sheets beneath you. You were a complete fucking mess. 

Danny’s muscles in his arms and across his stomach flexed while he pumped into you and the sight of him like this made your core tighten around him and a small curse fell from his lips. He bit his lip and watched where the two of you connected, the sound of wet skin ringing through the room. 

Danny brought a hand off your hip and moved it between your legs and let his thumb circle against your clit. “Fuck Danny!” you cried and felt your legs start to shake. You felt them starting to close, only to be interrupted by his body between them and he smirked. His hand left your clit only to give you a small smack to the inside of your thigh as he pushed them open. “Don’t you fucking close those legs,” he growled and then his thumb was back to circling against your clit. Your eyes roll back in your head and your whole body trembled, feeling him hit that sweet spot hidden so far inside of you. 

“D- Danny, I’m gonna cum,” you cried, your voice now sounding straightened and hoarse. “I know baby, I know. Let it happen. Cum for me,” he cooed. Your walls gripped him tightly and you felt him hiss. You tried your best to hold his eyes but found yourself unable to as they rolled back into your head. 

One of your hands fisted the sheets and the other gripped his wrist tightly and soon you were plummeting into that fire. You shook beneath him and cried out, feeling that wave of pleasure sweep over your body. It felt like your soul was floating outside and above your body and the sheer pleasure that drove through you made tears start to form in your eyes. You felt yourself explode around him and you were left as a panting mess but that didn’t stop him. 

Danny cursed and the grip he held on your thighs only tightened as he took you over and over again. With each powerful thrust he gave, you found yourself not knowing your name or seeming to remember you were a part of this world because this world, your world now belonged to him. The only thing you knew for certain was him. Danny. His name echoed like a chant inside your head and maybe it fell from your lips, but you were too encompassed by his actions and the pleasure he ripped out of you to know for sure.

He drove you further and further into that state of bliss where stars and colors danced with one another, and the sun and moon collided and filled the world in a fiery, bright flash. And then you felt it and you came utterly undone around him. Your body thrashed and withered underneath him and you felt the bond snap into place.

“Fuck Y/N!” he growled and continued with his merciless power, thrusting into your hard and deep while your body continued to shake around him. You knew in that moment he felt it too and it drove him utterly mad.

You could sense it in his body, the way he seemed to grow stronger and stronger with each thrust of his hips and it was either the dim lighting behind him but you swear that he seemed to glow.

With another couple of deep and powerful strokes, he collapsed on top of you, his chest now damp and sticky with sweat while he poured his release into you. Daniel’s breath was heavy and ragged, but his lips met with yours and his hips continued to find yours. ‘You’re mine Y/N. You’re fucking mine. You’re my fucking mate.’

“Say it,” you mumbled against his lips, already feeling him starting to coax another orgasm out of you. Danny gave another powerful thrust of his hips that rocked your entire body. “You’re my fucking mate,” he growled and the two of you found your release again and you traveled into that colorful world the two of you had created full of stars, light, and fire. He was yours and you were forever his. Your mate. 

Tag List:

@gretas-sweat @dannyshair @itsafullmoon @peaceloveunitygvf @darianh07 @thunderstomp-and-tequila @gretasfallingsky @bathingin-thelight @jordie-gvf @withlovegvf @jazzyfigz @iliana-gvf

[builtbybrokenbells]

belladonna | i

Too beautiful to resist, and too deadly to survive; the tragic tale of belladonna in all its glory.

Masterlist | Taglist

Pairing: Danny Wagner x f!reader, f!reader x OC

Word Count: 12.5k

Warnings: mentions of toxic/abusive parents, mentions of/toxic relationships, mentions of criminal activity/criminal records, poverty, mentions of physical violence, mentions of blood, mentions of AA/NA, addictions, use of/mentions of drugs, mentions of drinking, mentions of hookups/sex, smoking, depression/anxiety, mental health struggles, swearing, sorry if I miss any!!

hi everyone! I’m so so excited for this one. I will forewarn you that this series will touch on some pretty heavy topics. i’ve been using this as therapy to avoid paying actual therapy bills 🤭 i hope that you enjoy this as much as I do, and I really hope that this series does for you what it does for me 🤍 as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes!

March 31st, 2022

The sound of the radio hummed through the air, wrapping you in a blanket of comfort as you wiped crumbs from another dirty diner table. Your tattered converse were covered in spills and specs of food and your apron was stained so completely that the baby blue color no longer existed. The line cook in the back was whistling every time you bent over one of the booths, causing a blush and a slight smile to pull at your lips. Every so often, he’d make an obscene comment, just to see if you’d turn around to face him so he might be able to catch a glimpse of your cleavage underneath your black v-neck. Dylan knew his limits, but he loved to push them.

“Don’t you have a job to do?” You glanced back at him over your shoulder, pushing your hips out slightly to entice him even further. He would never have the chance, but it was fun to let him believe it, sometimes.

“Yeah, actually. Why don’t you come back here and keep me company?” He sent a wink your way, causing you to chuckle. He was around your age, and undeniably attractive. His neck was littered with the peek of tattoos from his chest, and a gold chain hung around them to accentuate the detail. He looked permanently stoned, but he had a killer smile and a certain charm despite his vulgarity. His arms were strong and despite his constant flirting, you knew he would never make an unwanted advance. The only reason you refused to indulge in him was because of his very extensive criminal record, but even then, the temptation grew stronger every day. He loved poking fun only because you seemed to enjoy it so much.

“You’d like that too much.” You rolled your eyes, chucking a dishcloth through the kitchen window at him. He caught it midair, giving you a cocky smirk.

“Anything else you’d like to throw my way?”

“Leave the poor girl alone, Dylan.” The second line cook gave him a shove, pushing him out of view and popping into your line of sight. “Give me a chance, would you?” Not long after the words left his mouth, a playful wrestling match ensued on the other side of the wall. Instead of engaging in their antics, you turned and cleared the dishes of the last table of the night.

“Vincent!” You scolded, watching them battle for your affection. “If you guys break anything else back there tonight, I swear to god I will not cover for your asses!” Just as you spoke, the wrestling came to an abrupt halt, and Vincent’s head peeked up from the window. He raised an eyebrow, cocking his head to the side slightly. His loose brown curls hung down over his forehead, and the veins in his forehead were protruding slightly, showing you how much energy he’d put into getting Dylan to the ground. His skin was flushed red, partially due to the heat of the grills, but mostly because his blood pressure was always peaked. His emotions got the best of him, no matter good or bad, and his heart was ready to give out at the ripe age of 22.

“You wouldn’t do that to me, would you sweetheart?” He flashed you a smile, his eyes softening the longer he looked at your face. Your heart gave a small flutter at the expression. Dylan was attractive, but Vincent was completely captivating. You wish you could say that you had enough strength to abstain from both of them, but it just wasn’t true. Way back in the beginning, you’d fallen victim to Vincent’s intoxicating charm and fell into bed with him. You blamed it on being new to the city and lonely, but you knew it was all because of him. You were certain that Dylan did not know of this, because if he did, it would crush him. Also, you had cut it off pretty quickly after it started once learning about all of Vincent’s baggage. Save for a few drunken nights, the two of you were nothing but friends.

It was easy to tell yourself that, but every so often, when your eyes lingered on each other for too long, you could feel the energy in the air.

Although it was clear that Dylan’s only intent was to get in your pants, sometimes you had to question if Vincent actually felt more for you than physical attraction, or if you were just making it up in your own head. Then again, you knew he looked that way at every girl who stood before him, and you wouldn’t allow yourself to feel special (again). Also, upon learning about his aggravated assault charge from a bar fight in his late teens, you found it much easier to keep your distance after the initial hookups.

Although you hadn’t seen the criminal side of either of the boys, you knew that they hadn’t learned the right lessons from their brief stays in jail; they just got better at avoiding the cops. You made it a point to stay straight when you moved to the city, and you were intent on keeping the promise to yourself. Involving yourself with those two would be nothing but trouble, and you had grown to hate trouble with a passion.

Besides the painful flirting, they were good company to pass the time, and when you all spent so much time working together, it was impossible not to form some kind of bond.

The Foxhole was a fabled place, and after decades in business (albeit, with many changes), it was still one of the most popular diners in the surrounding area. It sat just outside of city limits, drawing in attraction from travelers and all of the concrete jungle dwellers, too. New York was a large place with many different types of people, and after a year and six months of living there, you were still trying to find your place in the world. When you moved, you had little money in your pocket and lots of hope in your heart. You had a backpack full of clothes and personal items and nothing else but a dream, running as fast as you could to get away from the curse of being your mothers daughter.

Eighteen months later, it felt like you were still running.

You went to a public library and printed off a million copies of your resume (which was incredibly bleak, with only one previous job and a reference stated previous employer, but was really your best friend from high school) and you applied at every bar, restaurant and corner store within walking distance of your low income rental. The Foxhole, although not your dream job, responded within days to schedule an interview. You showed up with a smile and kindness, but quickly realized that not even friendliness was a requirement to be a server there. John, the (third) owner, asked if you had a criminal record (with a follow up question of ‘if you do, how extensive is it?’). Not ten minutes later, you had an apron in hand and you were scheduled for the upcoming week.

Not long after starting, you quickly gauged the environment of your new workplace. The Foxhole, although popular with the public, was an absolute shithole (You soon learned that this was actually the nickname your fellow employees referred to it as). In the seventies, it started as an old tavern. It was popular with middle aged men who hated their families, but not many others. It ran for just under a decade before the original owner stopped paying his mortgage and filed for bankruptcy, and the whole establishment flopped. It was then purchased by a younger couple in an estate sale from the bank in the early eighties, who decided to keep the bar theme. Instead of marketing themselves to middle aged, miserable men, they painted it bright colors and added a dance floor, trying to push the disco theme. To nobody’s surprise, they followed in the same footsteps as the original owner.

Although they did try a bit harder, and the proof remained to this day. You could see bolts in the floor of the old dancing area, signifying a stripper pole was once installed. They put in some more booths and tried to push a menu, but eventually, it went belly-up. Before the banks could foreclose a second time, John stepped in and made the purchase, which ended up changing his life. From the stories you’d heard, you could not gauge if it was for better or for worse. John gutted the whole place and painted over the abhorrent neon colors, placed an old jukebox in the corner and refinished the interior. He named it Foxhole, and seemed to strike gold despite the building causing nothing but shit for previous owners. With a small menu and cheap food, he’d been milking the success for over thirty years.

Success meant little when it equated to making only enough money to keep the doors open, though.

Employed at the Foxhole was four female waitresses who were older than the building itself, five line cooks (three who had a criminal record), two busboys, and four young women who waitressed the overnights (including you). John worked nearly 24/7, and his wife sat in the office and yelled at him all day. They capitalized off employing older women who had nowhere else to go, struggling students, and ex-convicts and addicts. That way, they could offer employment to the desperate and still pay them much less than anyone else. Plus, shared tips were a great selling point. Besides, how else would you find staff for the only 24-hour diner in the area?

You took the Thursday-Sunday overnights with a girl named Katie, while the other young waitresses took the rest of the nights. The older waitresses split the days, and the line cooks worked according to a similar schedule. Vinny and Dylan almost always worked with you, and a part of you was grateful for it. Although they had their flaws, you had grown to enjoy their company, and could honestly say that they were the only real friends you’d made since moving to the city.

“You gonna go home and write your silly little poems?” Vinny asked, his Brooklyn accent nearly grating as he hoisted himself up on the counter. As he waited for a response, he gave you a smirk. You rolled your eyes, dunking your hands into the steaming water in the industrial sinks. It was nearing 5, which meant you only had an hour left to go.

“Yeah, all about me.” Dylan cut in, leaning against the door of the walk-in freezer.

“Don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart.” You could only manage a half-smile as you spoke, the thought of writing nearly tearing your heart in two.

“What’s wrong, dollface?” Vincent asked, picking up on your withdrawal. “You better still be writing. That’s the whole reason you came here. That’s your ticket out of here.” His lips turned down into a frown.

“I… I am, yeah.” You nodded, drying your hands on your apron. You didn’t have the heart to look him in the eyes, nor could you admit that writing was the last thing you wanted to do. Inspiration had run dry, and now you were stuck wondering if this really was the end of the road, or if your mother was right and you would come home with your tail between your legs. For the last year and a half, you wrote about everything; the way the trees looked in the sunlight, the skyscrapers, the way the birds chirped, and even the cracks in the sidewalk. You found inspiration in your own sadness and fear, and your own happiness when it came along (even if it was rare). You wrote about failed relationships and lost friendships, and most of all, you wrote about the broken kinship between you and the woman who gave birth to you.

Writing was your safe space, but now that the motivation had passed, you were left feeling unsecure and lost. You feared that you had written every single thing that your brain could come up with, and that the desire would never return. Since the decline began, you’d been desperately searching for something to give you that spark back. You sat at the grocery store for hours, overlooking the produce, brightly coloured yet blemished. You looked between the cracks in the city stone, finding moss rooted and peeking out from the concrete. You looked at the sprouts of weeds in the sidewalk, and the crying babies and laughing children as they passed you on the street.

You searched everywhere for just a hint of an idea, but you were left with nothing. The feeling was gutting, and you feared that you did not know how to live without your pen pressed to paper.

You’d heard stories of writers block, and lately, even found yourself reading articles about it, but you had come to one, horrible realization; you had never experienced it before, and you were unsure if it was truly just a bout of writers block, or if it was a permanent, more serious issue. After twenty three years, you had never felt this way, and you were beginning to believe that it was just the way life was, now. You went home after work, sleeping for hours instead of your usual routine of writing until your eyes forced themselves shut. You couldn’t look at your laptop, and your journal was a stranger.

You came to New York to write a book, but you feared that you were now stuck in New York with nothing but a wasted dream and crushed hope.

“I’m definitely no palaeontologist, but I think you might be lying.” Vinny raised an eyebrow, pointing a finger at you.

“P-palaeontologist?” You asked, stifling a laugh. “Do you by any chance mean… a psychologist?”

“Oh, fuck off with all your fancy words.” He snipped, getting defensive. For a moment, you could see the vein in his forehead pop out again in frustration. “Clearly you know what I fuckin’ meant. You know I didn’t graduate.”

“No, no, I think you have me misunderstood. I’m actually quite impressed you know that word.” You assured him.

“Yeah, but I don’t really know what it means.” He calmed down, laughing at his own stupidity.

“That’s okay, darlin’.” You reached out, giving him a pat on the shoulder. “I guess I am lying.” You shrugged, looking towards the floor. “I haven’t really been writing much at all, lately.”

“Why not?” Dylan joined, immersed in the conversation now that the laughter died down.

“I don’t know,” you sigh “guess I just haven’t had much inspiration. Hard to write something meaningful when I know nobody is ever going to read it… or fucking care about it.” You grumbled.

“Listen, I know we can’t read very well, but I’m sure the two of us could piece it together.” Dylan gave Vinny a pat on the shoulder, smiling over at him. Vincent nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, we care, sweetheart. Don’t we count?”

“Of course you do.” You chuckle, finding your cheeks heat with a blush. “It’s just… weird, right now. I usually want to write about everything, no matter what. Emotions, memories, places I’ve visited, but now I don’t feel like anything is worth writing about. I don’t feel like it’s interesting enough.” You tried to explain it. “Feels like I’m just putting words on a paper, and nothing more. Think maybe I’ve been in my head a little too much. Sad and angry, and all of that… fuck, I don’t know.” You groan, running a hand through your hair.

“Why don’t you write about that, then?” Vincent offered. You looked up at him for a moment, contemplating his words. “If you’re feeling all of that stuff, then maybe it’ll mean something more.”

“Yeah,” Dylan agreed. “Go home tonight and write about not wanting to write. Maybe it’ll help you figure your shit out.” You looked between the two, giving a soft smile. After a few moments, you gave a slow nod.

“Yeah, maybe I will. Think you guys might finally be right for once.” You teased, trying to keep the conversation light. Vincent’s face lit up with a grin, happy that you thought it was a good idea.

“What can I say? I’m more than just a pretty face.”

April 3rd, 2022

You stood, top half leaned out the back door of the building as a cigarette smoldered in your hand. The night was darker than usual, and the city was much quieter, even for a Sunday. You took a long inhale of smoke, puffing your cheeks out and pursing your lips as you blew it outside in the direction of the dumpsters. As you did so, you felt a hand on your lower back as someone reached to open the door a little more. Vincent leaned his head out beside you, just over your shoulder as he gave you a cheeky smile and raised an eyebrow. Without any words exchanged, you rolled your eyes but brought the cigarette to his lips. His eyes fluttered closed as he took a drag, waiting a moment before he exhaled through his nose. His hand remained on the small of your back, the gentle touch sending a shiver down your spine.

“You can use your words, you know.” You tried to sound stern, but there was a smile on your face as you continued holding the cigarette to his lips.

“Why should I? You already know what I want, sweetheart.” He shot back, taking another haul.

“I do,” you chuckled. “For some reason, I don’t think it’s a cigarette, though.” His grip on you tightened for a moment as he shot you a sideways glance.

“What do you think I want then, Miss know it all?”

“An excuse to talk to me?” You raised an eyebrow, offering the idea. He stayed silent for a moment, but eventually gave a slow nod. A smile began to break out on his lips, knowing he’d been caught.

“So what? You have a problem with that, sugar?” His body was closer to you than it had been in a long time, and you wondered if he was taking his shot while Dylan was preoccupied with the freezer inventory.

“No,” you whispered, shaking your head. “Unless I should have a problem?”

“Nope,” he popped the p, shaking his head. His head was still turned to face you, his lips unbearably close to your own. He watched as your gaze flickered down towards them, but he didn’t move any further. “Goin’ to the Pony after this, if you’re interested?”

“Are you actually, or is it just an excuse for me to let you sleep at my place?” You questioned. The Pony was a bar just around the corner from your apartment complex, and it was in just as poor shape as the Foxhole. The drinks were strong and cheap, but it didn’t have much else to offer (except for smoking inside, which was a rare thing to stumble upon). There were a few old slot machines in the back, and they played blackjack in the main room on Tuesday’s.

It was mostly occupied by gangbangers who were looking for a new client to sell to, and 70 year old men who chose drinking over starting a family. Vincent went quite often, but you feared that it was for one of two reasons; he was still caught up in his old habits, or he was trying to find an excuse to wiggle his way back into your life. He lived on the other side of town, and once he had a few beers into him, the drunk calling started, and you were never one to let him drink and drive. He knew this well, and he used it to his advantage.

There had been many nights where he came knocking on your door, or when you stumbled out into the darkness to find him drunk, leaning against his car with a grin but no intent to drive. His brown eyes would sparkle in the moonlight, and his soft lips would invite you in. He wouldn’t have to speak a word to get you to open your arms, inviting him in for a hug before you inevitably invited him upstairs. He spent many nights on your couch, but a few in your bed. As much as you wanted to scold him for pushing his luck, you knew you were the only one to blame; you invited him in every time, and you woke in the morning with a sense of freedom and happiness, like you’d just broken free from the chains you had placed so tightly around your own wrists.

You wanted him, and somehow even after convincing yourself that he was bad for you, you never felt a shred of regret for what you did with him. He wasn’t all that bad, but you knew that distance was your best option; he did not seem to outgrow the bad habits you had tried so hard to keep yourself away from. That did not make him a bad person, nor did it make him any less important to you, but you knew that if you wanted to keep yourself on the right path, a relationship with him was out of the question.

“If I wanted to come over, I would ask, and you’d say yes.” The cockiness radiated from him, and you hated that it only seemed to entice you further.

“Vincent…” you warned, giving him a sad stare.

“Oh, would you cut that shit, y/n?” He snapped, the withdrawal seeming to sting him. “You make it seem like I’m a monster.”

“That’s not… that’s not what I meant, and you know that.” You felt the fire burning in your chest, but you managed to swallow it back.

That was another reason to stay away from Vincent; he always seemed to bring out the worst of your emotions at the drop of a dime.

“Then what do you mean, doll? ‘Cause I don’t seem to be understanding.”

“Fine, Vin. You want me so bad, get clean.” You snapped, just the thought of it irritating you. “I’m not going through rehab all over again ‘cause you want to fuck me.” The words seemed to hurt him, but you were unsure of the reason. Part of you wanted to believe it was because he was appalled that you would ever think that he would let you backslide, but the more logical part of you knew it was because he hated your rejection. He had a taste of the sweetness you had to offer, and he couldn’t stand the idea of never having it again, but it came between you and his lifestyle, you knew what the priority was. “The Pony’s a shithole anyway. Wouldn’t want to waste my morning there.”

He looked like he wanted to fight, but instead his lips turned into a tight frown as he gave a curt nod of his head. “Once an addict, always an addict, right?” He said, moving back from you completely.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” You rolled your eyes, turning to face him.

“It means,” he said, narrowing his gaze at you. “That’s all you’ll ever fuckin’ see me as.” You swallowed the sour taste in your mouth, scowling at him as his chest heaved with his hurt. Vincent’s biggest flaw was not the addictions, nor his history with the law, but how every emotion he felt always seemed to dissolve into anger, and his ability to turn every conversation into a fight. “At least getting high never makes me feel the same way you do.” With that, he turned on his heel, storming off to join Dylan in the freezer. You tried to hide the look of hurt on your face as you tossed the cigarette butt in the bucket, slamming the door with enough force to shake the walls. You threw your lighter down next to the pack of smokes sitting on the metal shelving unit, walking back out into the main area to keep cleaning.

When you walked out the swinging half-door, the other waitress, Katie, leaned against the counter while scrolling her phone. She looked up at you just for long enough to give you an expression of distaste, almost biting her tongue hard enough to hold back a snide comment.

“You planning on working tonight, or are you just going to make the whole place smell like cigarettes?”

“Yeah, ‘cause you sure look like you’re fucking hard at work.” You grumbled, kicking the rolling mop bucket out from behind the counter. The dirty mop water sloshed from the sides, spilling over onto the floor and inevitably pissing you off even further.

“You have another fight with your boyfriend?” She smirked, the sneer in her tone making your skin crawl.

“Do you ever take a night off from being insufferable, or is that a permanent kind of thing?” You grabbed the blue metal handle, ringing the head of the mop out before swinging it over the side. It landed on the tile floor with a squelch, and you wasted no time in cleaning up the mess you made. She didn’t respond to your jab, instead making a move to restock the jam holders at all of the tables. You worked hard scrubbing the grime from the floor while she took her time making sure the single-serve condiments were organized. Every so often, you shot a piercing glare at the back of her head, wondering what it would be like if you threw the whole mop and bucket at her.

Katie was undoubtedly the worst part of working at the Foxhole, and you considered it a victory when she called in sick for her shifts. It was a regular occurrence, and since you were hired, you’d heard that it only became more common. Your distaste for being around each other was shared, and you knew hers stemmed from your ability to get along with Vincent and Dylan. Or, perhaps, their ability to get along with you.

From the beginning, it had been clear that you were not the only one who’d fallen victim to Vincent’s charm, yet you seemed to be the only victor when it came to his heart.

When you first arrived, Katie did not seem all that miserable. She was timid, but smiled at you and taught you the ropes. You would have to be blind to miss the nervous stutters and blushing cheeks when she was around Vincent, and it made you think the two of them had something beyond what it looked on the surface. You quickly learned that was not the case, and her schoolgirl crush resulted from a lazy hookup in his car after a long night shift, and after that, his interest in her greatly declined. When you both walked in the front door of the Fox one day, standing a little too closely with matching hickeys on your neck, her smiles became scarce and her desire to get to know you fled.

You did not know the history between the two when you first hooked up with Vincent, nor did you know much of anything else. It did not take long for her to do whatever she could to make you miserable, starting with explaining Vincent’s criminal record and (required by parole guidelines) his AA/NA meeting combination. Instead of jumping the gun and shutting him out, you approached him with the new found information looking for an answer, and after some heavy avoidance, he admitted to all of it. It was a long night shift with many conflicting emotions, but you eventually came to the conclusion that you had to stay away for your own sake, despite already falling for him beyond anything you’d felt before.

Even after you ended things, Vincent and you remained close friends, and every so often, broke the boundaries you had set in place. Katie still hated you, despite your efforts to apologize and make amends, and Vincent seemed like he struggled to comprehend the fact the two of you could not be together. It was a shitshow, yet it was oddly comforting. You weren’t sure if you could handle it if something were to suddenly change. Even when your misery got the best of you, you knew that Katie would always hate you and her snide remarks would keep you on your toes, that Vincent would always trip over himself to flatter you (which would eventually lead to a fight), and Dylan would never know the true extent of the situation and serve as comedic relief.

As you finished mopping the corner tiles, relieved that most of the dirt was lifted from the floor, something light struck you in the back of the head. You furrowed your eyebrows, letting out a small huff as you turned in the direction it was thrown from, first looking at the floor to find a balled up piece of receipt paper. Then, you saw Vincent looking at you, a playful smile on his face, but regret in his eyes. You placed the mop back in the bucket, using the handle to wheel it along with you as you walked towards the back. Vincent’s eyes followed you as you moved towards him, but he didn’t speak. When you joined him in the kitchen, wheeling the bucket towards the mop closet, he followed close behind.

“You have something to say?” You grumbled, opening the closet door as you flipped the bucket upside down on top of the grate covering the drain. You were still upset, and he could see that. His words, like always, had a huge impact on you. You wished he would think before he spoke rather than speaking out of anger and trying to apologize ten minutes after the fact. For someone who claimed he cared, he wasn’t very good at showing it.

“Sorry, sweetheart.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, looking down at his feet. “Shouldn’t have said that.” You held back a scoff as you let the closet door fall shut, not straining yourself to soften the slam. “Do you ever think that maybe, instead of turning straight to insults, you should bite your tongue for a second and fucking think about what you’re saying?” You brushed past him, grabbing the spray disinfect and a new rag. This time, he didn’t respond, which only seemed to piss you off more. “I’m not out to get you, Vincent. I’m protecting myself.”

“From what, y/n? You keep saying that, and I don’t get it.”

“I moved here to purse my dream of being an author, but I also came here to get away from the life I made for myself at home. I spent six months in rehab, and the minute they let me go, I packed my stuff and I ran. I thought that once I got here, I could start over.” You paused for a moment, spraying down the metal countertops. You took a long breath before speaking again. “I like you, but I don’t like that lifestyle, Vin. I’ve already fucked up too many times, and I’m scared that if I do it again, there’s no going back. Besides, I can’t pay for another detox at the hospital.” You chuckled at the thought, knowing that the seven days of torture was not worth the thousands of dollars, even with insurance coverage (which the Foxhole definitely did not provide).

“Okay,” he gave a slow nod, looking across the kitchen to gather his thoughts. “So… if I get clean, you say you’ll give me a shot?”

“Sure, yeah.” You forced out the words, the pained look on your face clear. In a perfect world, that’s how it would be, but you knew that he’d never stick to the promise. You couldn’t force him sober, and he didn’t really want to recover. Even if he did, you weren’t sure if you could trust him enough to believe he would stick with it. The conversation went the same way every time, and clearly no progress was made, hence why you were sitting in front of him explaining the same things for the millionth time. You could not allow yourself to get your hopes up, and you could not trust him while knowing that making a promise to stay sober for any person other than yourself is a terrible idea.

“I think… do you think that I don’t care?” You stopped for a moment, your whole body freezing as you wiped the lemony-smelling cleaner from the countertop.

“What?” You asked, looking back over your shoulder at him. His brown eyes looked sad beneath the tough exterior he’d built up. His cheeks were red, irritated from the cold of the freezer. He was only a couple inches taller than you, but in the moment of high emotion, It felt like he was towering over you. For once, anger did not seem present in his face.

“I know… I’m not the best at the whole emotions thing, and I say shit I don’t mean, but I care if you’re sober too, doll. I mean, your last detox was… it was hell. I don’t want you to go through that again.” You swallowed hard at the thought of the relapse, and the thought of his concern.

“You just hated working without me.” You forced a smile, trying to lighten the mood. When focusing on your own addictions, you began to panic. The fact that he knew that part of you so well scared the shit out of you, but also made you feel like he should understand why you were setting the boundaries. There were many things you didn’t understand about Vincent, the biggest one being his long list of red flags, yet his huge heart that cared about everyone so deeply. You knew that it was not entirely his fault; he had no guidance growing up, nor did he have anyone to help him correct his mistakes, but that did not change the fact that he was a 22 year old man that did not know how to hold himself accountable for anything.

Vincent was many things; a son born into a family who did not care if he lived or died, a child who was never loved the way a child should be, and a hurt little kid who grew into a man that was angry, lost, and trying to bargain with his crushing disappointment over his own failures. He struggled with the law, but more than anything, he struggled with his own demons. He had an addiction he could not face up to and overcome, and monsters in the closet that all looked like his father with a belt in his hand. He had a criminal record which stopped him from pursuing the things he once dreamed of, and was destined to be stuck working at the Foxhole until he could either clean himself up, or he died.

He was vindictive, sly, arrogant, and naive. He was raised by drug dealers who taught him all of the wrong morals, and who always made it a point to show anger before any other emotion. He was taught how to evade the law, and how to use fists instead of words. He picked himself up off the ground every time he fell, and grew a nasty amount of independence. He relied on nobody but himself, and would not let anyone take that away from him. He did not know how to trust, nor did he know how to love, but god did he want to. He felt like he needed to, especially when his eyes landed on you.

Despite his struggles, he was not a bad person. He cared deeply for the people that were important to him, and he would die for them on any given day. He was funny, and he was goofy, and he was great company. He was easy to fall in love with, but that was the danger. Although all of those things were true, down to the core, what he said earlier was correct; he was an addict, and worse than that, an active addict. Nothing was more important than a fix, and it turned him into the worst version of himself. You were no stranger to the evils of substance, but now that you were sober and intent to stay that way, you could finally see the monsters it created. His irritability and his lack of control over his emotions was staggering, and his inability to understand the harm he was putting on to others was catastrophic. He was selfish, and so much so that it constantly hurt others in the crossfire.

You could not judge him too harshly, because you knew all too well that it would take little for you to become that person again, too.

Even though you saw him for all of his flaws, you saw him as a human being, too. You saw him as the charming man who only had to smile in order to make your stomach fill with butterflies. You knew him as the boy who would drive you around as needed, or would lend you his car if he needed to be elsewhere. You saw the man who showed up at your front door with a wrench and a smile when your pipes burst in the kitchen sink and your landlord did not care enough to fix it. He was your friend, and he was someone you cared deeply about. His addiction was not who he was, but rather what made him be so hard to digest sometimes. You knew that if he managed to get clean and stay that way, he could be that person all of the time.

Unfortunately, you did not have the courage nor the ability to help him get there, and the thought of that alone nearly killed you.

Helping him was all you wanted to do, but you knew better than anyone that the only person who could help Vincent was himself.

“Don’t look so sad, sweetheart.” He said, reaching out and laying a gentle hand on your arm. You looked down as his fingers connected with your skin, the touch sending jolts of electricity through your whole body. You caught his eye, your lips turned down into a frown. You wished so bad for it to be easy, but after twenty three years, you knew that this lifetime was never meant to be kind to you.

Before you could speak, you heard the familiar chime of the bell above the door. You looked between Vincent and the empty dining room. As if she knew, Katie peeked her head back into the kitchen, giving you a look and a raised eyebrow.

“They’re in your section.” You could hear the distaste in her voice. Unlike usual, you didn’t have a witty comment or a sarcastic response to shoot back at her.

“You… you can have it. Take the tip, too. Don’t care.” You muttered. “I’ll finish cleaning.” For a second, you thought you saw a shred of humanity in her eyes when she caught sight of your pained expression. Without any further words, she turned and left the two of you alone again. Before Vincent could continue your earlier conversation, Dylan pushed open the door of the freezer and stepped out, shuddering at the sudden rush of warmth on his skin. The tip of his nose was burning red and his teeth were chattering together.

“Cold enough for you, dumbass?” Vincent asked, baffled and Dylan’s refusal to wear anything other than a t-shirt while he did inventory.

“Keeps me awake.” He said, doing a couple small jumps in his spot to get the blood rushing through him again.

“No, makes you look stupid.” You corrected, wiping at the counter again. “Is that grill on? We’ve got a customer.” You nodded towards the blackstone grill that looked awfully cool. No billows of black smoke were filtering into the air, telling you they definitely turned it off in anticipation of having no more customers for the night. Dylan rolled his eyes, but flicked on the heat to the max, hoping to get it hot before Katie brought back the order.

“Who the fuck goes out to eat at,” he paused, looking at his watch “two in the morning on a Sunday?”

“Obviously them, and enough people that John decided to keep us open 24 hours.” You sighed, knowing you would have to clean the dining room all over again.

“Okay, miss know it all.” Dylan put on a mocking smile as he walked to the window to grab the order slip. Once you deemed the kitchen clean enough, you sat atop one of the counters you’d just scrubbed clean. Vincent seemed to be keeping his distance, now. You weren’t sure if it was because you had hurt his feelings, or he was too afraid to show his emotions around Dylan. Katie hung out by the window, using the soda machine just underneath to pour the customers their drinks. “You write about not wanting to write, yet?” Dylan asked, throwing a veggie burger on the grill.

“No, not really.” You chuckled, looking down at your hands. “I mean, I did, but it was terrible.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad, doll.” Vincent said, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Yeah, no, it definitely was.” You gave a slow nod. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Feels like I can’t write anything anymore.” You sighed. “I’m trying to find inspiration in anything, but it all just seems… bleak.”

“It’ll come, always does.” Dylan assured you, flipping the food with the thin metal spatula.

“Yeah,” you noded, trying to believe it. You ran your hands over the hem of your apron, pondering your lack of a muse, when suddenly it seemed like the universe was laughing at you.

No, it wasn’t the universe laughing; it was something far more beautiful and melodic than something that was normally so sinister.

Your head snapped up and your heart pounded against your chest. The sound was so powerful that it seemed to shake the whole building, making the rotten foundation quiver and threaten to give way. More than powerful, it was breathtaking, and you were desperate to know where it was coming from. You looked out the window, peeking into the dining room to see what the commotion was, and why it was so striking that it made your heart skip a beat. Your eyes soon landed on the corner booth, taken by the only two customers in the entire store. Sat in the very corner, shoulder pressed against the window that onlooked the road dimly lit by street lamps, was a man who was certainly the most beautiful you had ever seen.

The smile was still lingering on his lips and the ghost of his laugh hung thick in the air. His hair, long and curly, hung down over his broad shoulders to frame his beautiful crafted face. A tattered band shirt with the sleeves cut off and a worn out logo magnified his strong arms. His jawline was sharp, angling down into a soft chin, and although large, his nose was stunning. His eyes, even from far away, managed to make your stomach flutter with curiosity.

Whoever he was, he had turned your entire world upside down in an instant. The warm embrace of his presence was more profound than anything you had ever felt before, and as you sat staring at him, you were aching to know him. His beauty was blinding, and his laugh seemed to strike more inspiration in your heart than you even thought was possible.

It was in that moment that you realized a muse was not something you could search for, but rather something that finds you when the time is right.

After weeks of feeling defeated, wondering if your entire life had lead to nothing but disappointment, or spending hours in bars and coffee shops trying to find inspiration yet met with nothing, it only took a split second for your hands to beg to be wrapped around a pen. You needed your notebook, or your laptop, because the sight of his face prompted enough emotion for you to write entire novels about the feeling.

Dylan served the two plates in the window, and you watched as Katie walked it to the boy and his company. Whatever his friend said prompted another laugh that blossomed straight from his chest, echoing off the walls and making home in your heart. His friend seemed loud, definitely more talkative than the curly haired boy. He was facing away from you, his long brown hair falling down his back. You did not even truly care what he looked like, because you were certain he would pale in comparison to the boy who already managed to steal your heart. You sat, completely immersed in the sight with no shame about your staring. You hung on to every small detail and miniscule expression, hoping to sear it into your memory for the rest of time. Every time a laugh fell from his lips, butterflied erupted in your stomach.

He did not notice you, but god did you notice him, and so much so that it was hard to see anything else.

When you finally broke from the trance and looked back into the kitchen, Dylan and Vincent’s eyes were both burning into you. Dylan was smirking, like he already knew what was running through your head without you having to say a word. Vincent, on the other hand, was definitely not even close to smiling. His jaw was hard set, the vein in his forehead protruding slightly as he clenched his teeth together. He knew exactly what you were thinking, and it absolutely gutted him. Your cheeks tinged red as if it were the cherry on top of an already catastrophic disaster, and you wanted the floor to open up and swallow you whole. Instead of speaking, Vincent grabbed the pack of cigarettes the three of you shared and walked out the back door, making sure to slam it for extra salt in the wound.

You swallowed hard, looking back at Dylan with a flicker of anxiety in your eyes. He shrugged it off, clearly not understanding the extent of the situation and leaned against the counter beside you.

“So, are you gonna go talk to him?” He asked, giving you a goofy smile as he gazed out at the man in question. You looked back towards the dining room too, your eyes shining with wonder at the two unnamed men. You have a slow shake of your head, knowing that you would never, but wishing that you would.

April 4th, 2022

You woke with a start, your head pounding as the sun shined brightly through your large panel windows. You shifted in your position, immediately wincing from the aches and pains that ravished your body. You blinked a few times, trying to focus your eyes as you took in your surroundings. You were on your living room floor, head propped up against the couch with your journal still laying atop of you. You must have fallen asleep writing, as your pen was still clutched tightly in your hand.

You quickly located the source of the disturbance, seeing your phone ringing loudly and irritatingly beside you. You picked it up, focusing your eyes on the screen to see who could be calling. When you saw John’s name on the screen, you felt your stomach drop for a moment. You swiped across the screen, accepting the call as you hit the speaker button.

“Hello?”

“Hey, y/n.” He said, almost sounding pained to be calling you.

“What’s up, John?” You asked, stretching your limbs out to rid yourself of the pain lingering in your joints. Sleeping on the floor was definitely a bad call, even if it was only for a few hours.

“I hate to ask this, but could you come in and cover the lunch rush? I know you worked overnight last night, but Linda had to leave; her husband fell and she had to take him to the emergency room.” Linda was one of the older ladies who worked the mornings. You quite liked her, even if you did think she smelled like the basement of an old Catholic Church. “I’ll pay you time and a half.” He offered, hoping to bribe you with the extra pay.

“Yeah, that’s no problem.” You would have agreed anyway, but the offering was not something you were willing to refuse. “Give me about thirty minutes and I’ll be down.”

“Thank you, darlin’. You’re a lifesaver.” You could hear his relief through the phone.

“Love you too, John.” You chuckled, ending the call and making a move to stand. You quickly ran to the bathroom, jumping in the shower and washing away the night shift that was still lingering on your skin. You washed your hair and took an extra minute to condition it and sit under the warm water, then rinsed off and jumped out. You blow dried your hair and styled it slightly, dusting on some light makeup. You always made sure to look nice for a busy serving shift, because it made the older men much more generous with their tips.

You ran to your bedroom, pulling out a pair of black leggings and an old Zeppelin shirt that once belonged to your brother. One thing you liked about the Fox was that the dress code was nonexistent. You could show up in your pajamas and John would just be relieved that you showed up at all. You stuffed your purse full of the necessities and grabbed your phone from the couch as you passed by. You locked the door as you made your way into the hallway, throwing your keys in your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. As you walked down the stairs of the creaky old apartment building, the sun already began to hurt your eyes before you even reached the door. You pushed open the front door and took a long breath of air, the coldness filling your lungs and making your chest ache for a moment. Spring was just around the corner, but winter still seemed like it was trying to hang on.

As you slipped your headphones in your ears and hit shuffle on your playlist, your eyes noticed something familiar across the street. You furrowed your eyebrows, your lips turning into a frown as you recognized the rusted out body of the 80’s model car. As you walked a little closer, you noticed the silhouette of Vincent, sleeping soundly in the driver's seat. You approached the vehicle, raising your fist and rapping it against the glass with force. It only took a second for him to shoot awake, looking around to try and figure out where he was. With a defensive stance, his head whipped towards the window. As always, he looked ready for a fight, but when his eyes landed on you, his expression softened. As you pulled your jacket closer to your body, he rolled the window down.

“What are you doing sleeping in your car, Vin?” You asked, clearly displeased with his actions. “You know what type of people hang out around here.”

“Drank too much last night,” he grumbled, rubbing his face in his hands as he squinted at the sunlight. “Knew it was best not to drive.”

“You could have called.”

“Thought you didn’t like it when I did that, doll?” He cleared his throat, the rasp of cigarettes still heavy in his tone.

“I…” you paused, shifting your weight between your legs. “I'd rather you be safe.”

“I’m safe, don’t worry sweetheart.” He chuckled, his cockiness peeking through. Vincent loved framing himself as unafraid of anything, but it simply was not true. He thought he was invincible, even if you knew he was just a man. “What are you doing, anyway?”

“John called me in, something about Linda’s husband falling. She had to leave.” You explained.

“That guys always fucking falling. Should get him one of those little stair elevators, you know? Like in the commercials?” You laughed at his idea, nodding in agreement.

“They probably would if they weren’t poor.” You reminded him.

“Yeah, aren’t we all?” He leaned his head against the headrest, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to keep the hangover at bay. “You want a drive over?”

“Sure, if you’re headed that way.” You agreed, walking around to jump in the passenger seat. He started the car, the old engine turning over a few times before eventually sputtering into a slow start. The interior immediately began to smell like gasoline, but you ignored it. It was one of the most charming quirks about the vehicle.

“You sleep last night? It’s awfully early to be going back in.” He noted, looking down at his watch. The radio system in his car no longer worked, including the digital clock (it read the wrong time when it did work anyway, so it did not really matter).

“A little, fell asleep on the floor of all fucking places.” You chuckled, pulling your jacket closer to your body again. He rolled the window up, noticing your small shiver. “I’m only going in for a few hours, so it doesn’t matter much anyway.” He did not respond to this, instead pulling the car around and driving out onto the highway. The rattle of the engine filled the stale air, and you looked out the window as he drove.

“You’re going to miss NA.” He stated, glancing over at you for only a second. “You didn’t go last week, either.”

“I know, I know.” You sighed. “I’ll catch the Wednesday meeting instead.”

“You promise?” He pushed, not willing to let it go. You bit your tongue, knowing he was the last person in the world who should be scolding you about missing your meetings.

“Yeah. Are you going today, or do you want to come with me on Wednesday?”

“I’ll come with you.” He said without hesitation. You were the only thing that made the meetings bearable for him. You did notice he was slightly withdrawn, and he did not even attempt to reach over and put his hand on your thigh.

When you turned your head to look at him, you finally noticed the details you managed to overlooked before. His eyes had dark circles underneath, and the whites were bloodshot. His pupils were blown, nearly engulfing his irises, and if you squinted hard enough, you could see the red ring of blood lining his nostril. He was still coming down from the high the night before, and the thought almost made you sick to the stomach. The emotion was not because he chose to do drugs, but because in the moment of seeing him like that, you could remember what it felt like so vividly that it made your head spin. Your hands went clammy and your fingers began to tremble as you bargained with yourself to just make it to the diner.

He clicked on his turn signal, cutting sharply into the parking lot and pulling up to the door so you wouldn’t have to walk through the parking lot. “Thanks, Vincent.” You choked out, still trying to distract yourself from the idea of his endeavors the night prior.

“I’ll see you Wednesday.” He said, forcing a smile. The come down had hit him hard, and you could tell his whole body felt like lead. His eyelids were heavy, and he would likely park in the empty lot next to the diner for a while to get some more sleep.

“Yeah,” you nodded, forcing him a smile, too. You jumped out of the car, pulling a half smoked cigarette from your pack to smoke before you went inside. You stood a few feet away from the door, and finished it as fast as you could. You crushed the butt beneath your old ratty converse and took two large strides to the entrance, pulling the door open and stepping inside.

The chatter in the room was immediately overwhelming, and the smell of the deep fryer hit your nose almost instantly. You rushed behind the counter and through to the kitchen, grabbing a clean apron and an order pad. You shoved the book and a pen in your front pocket, and knocked on the door of the office to grab a cash float. You heard John tell you to come in, and as you opened the door he sent you a smile. He already counted the cash and had it waiting on the desk for you, which you shoved in the second pocket.

“Thanks again, darlin’. You only have to stay for the rush.”

“Don’t mention it.” You smiled, closing the door behind you. You moved back out to the dining room after punching in a time card. John had not yet moved to an updated system, because computers were not his forte. Nobody complained, because you got paid all the same. Betty gave you a wave as she dropped off some order tickets at the window, relieved to see you there.

“Linda has the back section, and there’s a couple people who haven’t been served yet. You mind starting there?”

“No problem.” You assured her, grabbing a stack of menus to bring over with you. You stopped first at a booth with a family. They had two small kids with them who seemed to be getting impatient. The mother held the baby in her lap while the little boy sat next to his dad. You handed out the menus and took drink orders, stopping to crouch down and talk to the boy who looked to be only five.

“And how old are you, baby?” You asked, giving him a warm smile as he played with his tiny model car on the table.

“Four and three quarters!” He grinned, looking over at you.

“Three quarters?” You exclaimed, matching his excitement. “That means your birthday is coming up soon?” He gave an eager nod. “That also means,” you stopped and checked the front of the menu to make sure of the policy before saying the wrong thing. “You get to eat for free today!” You glanced up at the mom, sending her a gentle wink. Not often did you serve kids, because you usually only worked at night. According to the menus, kids under 6 ate for free. “So you can have all of the Dino nuggets you can eat.” The prospect seemed to excite him even more as he looked to his dad, hoping he would verify if you were telling the truth. “I’ll be back in a few to take your orders and bring your drinks.” You told the woman, who was smiling at you while bouncing the baby in her lap.

You moved on to the next table, an older couple who was sweet and already knew what they wanted without even having to look over the options. You wrote it down, knowing they were likely regulars. You assured them it wouldn’t be long before moving to the last table. You barely looked up as you made your way towards the corner booth, but when you did, your heart nearly jumped straight from your chest. The curly hair was unmistakable, and the outline of the big nose made your stomach twist with anxiety. You hated to admit that he noticed you and spoke long before your brain could formulate a word, ultimately leaving you looking like an idiot.

“Hey, mind if I have one of those?” As if it were some sick trick from the universe, his voice was just as heavenly as his laugh was the night before, and his eyes were just as soft and warm, inviting you in even further. His teeth were white and impossibly straight as he smiled at you, and it made your heart thud dramatically against your chest.

The boy that you’d spent all hours of the morning writing about was in front of you, sitting in the exact same seat he was when you had seen him for the first time.

“Y-yeah, f’course.” You forced a smile, your cheeks burning red as you handed him a menu from the dwindling stack in your hand. “You, uh… what brings you here?” You asked, internally facepalming at the stupid nature of your question. It was a diner; obviously he was there to eat.

“Uh… food?” He raised an eyebrow, smiling at you as he answered. He didn’t seem concerned about your nervousness, and if anything, it sparked an intrigue in him.

“Yeah, obviously, sorry.” You chuckled, shaking your head as you tried to straighten your thoughts. “I mean, you were here late last night, too. I know the food’s not that good, so it has to be something else bringing you here.” You flashed a real smile, your wit seeming to find its way back to you.

“Oh, yeah.” He laughed, nodding. “I’m not from here, actually. My friend and I are traveling. We booked an Airbnb for a few months, so it gives us some time to explore New York. Our flight came in late, and this was the closest spot last night…. And this morning.” He explained.

“The truth comes out,” you chuckled, cocking your head to the side. “Where you from?”

“Michigan.” He replied, trying to read over the menu, but his attention seemed to only want to be on you. “What about you? You definitely don’t have the accent like the rest of the city does.”

“Utah,” you grinned, surprised he picked up on it.

“So how the hell did you end up here?” He smirked, seemingly very interested in the conversation and uncaring that you were working amidst a lunch rush.

“Long story, sweetheart.” You laughed, brushing it off. He didn’t really want to know, and you didn’t want to bore him.

“I’ve got all the time in the world.” He shrugged, motioning to the empty both. You pondered his words for a moment, biting the inside of your lip. He was completely enamouring, and you barely even knew him. From the twenty seconds of conversation, you felt compelled to keep talking to him, wanting to know everything you could.

“Why don’t I take your order, and if you still want to know, we can make that happen.” You offered. He thought about it for a moment, finally seeming to realize you were working. He was so enthralled in your face and your words that the whole world around him seemed to disappear.

“Yeah, that’s probably a better idea.” He nodded. “Any recommendations?” He asked, completely ignoring the menu in his hand in hopes that you would keep talking.

“Breakfast or lunch?”

“Breakfast.” He confirmed.

“Omelet is good, vegetarian or not. Can never fuck up one of those.” You explained, smiling down at him.

“Sure, one of those, however you like it.” He said, his brown eyes lingering over your face. “And a coffee, please.”

“Sure thing.” You gave a soft smile, reaching down to pick up the menu again. “I’ll be back.”

“Can’t wait.” He shot back, keeping his eyes glued to you as you walked away. As you went to drop off the order tickets and collect the drinks for your tables, your cheeks were burning and your chest was filled with curious excitement. You didn’t know him, but you wanted to, and it was almost hard to believe that he seemed to want to know you, too.

You did not want to get your hopes up, because men had always let you down, even if they had ample amounts of promise. Then again, he seemed different than anyone you’d ever spoken to before. He didn’t seem creepy, nor did his eyes travel anywhere other than your face. He was friendly, soft spoken, and kind. He didn’t think your anxiety was strange, and he didn’t even mention it in efforts to keep you comfortable. You didn’t know him at all, but he seemed better than anyone you’d ever laid eyes on, looks and personality-wise.

You never know unless you try, and try was the only thing you knew how to do. You were determined to know him, and only then you could truly judge his character. Even if he turned out to be an asshole or disappointing in some way, he would at least be nice to look at in the meantime.

You dropped off drinks at your other two tables, then doubled back to brew his coffee. You tapped your foot against the floor in anticipation, hoping it would speed up the process. When the coffee maker sputtered the last pathetic spurt of liquid, it let out a tired groan as the button and lights clicked off. You poured a mug and grabbed a milk and cream dish. You carefully walked it over to his booth, setting it down in front of him with a sigh of relief. You were known as the coffee spiller amongst the staff, and you finally seemed to deliver one successfully.

“Thank you,” he smiled up at you, the sight nearly taking your breath away. “I’m Danny, by the way.”

“Danny…” you pondered, the corners of your lips tugging onwards. “I like it. I’m y/n.”

“Pretty name for a pretty girl.” He smirked, tearing open a sugar packet and dumping it into the steaming cup. Your cheeks dusted red again, your entire body heating at the compliment. “So you said you were here last night, but you definitely weren’t the one who served me. She seemed a bit…” he trailed off, trying to find the proper words.

“Bitchy?” You offered, raising an eyebrow. He let out a laugh, so similar to the one you heard last night. It nearly made you weak in the knees.

“Sure, yeah.” He nodded. “That’s not how I would word it, but that’s probably the best way to say it.”

“I shouldn’t be so mean,” you sympathized with the girl, even if she wasn’t standing there to hear it. “She’s not the worst person in the world, but she is hard to get along with sometimes.”

“Yeah, I can see that. She was giving Sam dirty looks the whole time.” He chuckled at the memory. “I get it, though. Sam’s loud, and he’s a lot to take in. I’m sure you guys weren’t expecting that at two in the morning.”

“We’re usually a bit busier at night, but last night was super slow. Think she was just doing it because technically you were sitting in my area, and I was busy.”

“Busy, but still concerned with who was sitting out here?” He questioned. You prayed your cheeks would stop rushing with blood as you tried to think of a proper response.

“I’m nosy, what can I say?” You shrugged.

“I must have left an impact, cause you recognized me today.” He pointed out, taking another sip of coffee. You gave a slow nod, a smile pulling at your lips.

“Yeah, well, we definitely don’t get too many cute boys in here. Usually just drunkards from the old tavern and teenagers who snuck out.” You explained.

“Cute?” He pressed, liking the sound of the term. You rolled your eyes, playful but sweet.

“Yeah, yeah, get over yourself.” You gave a soft laugh.

“No, actually.” He shook his head. “I’m sure I’ll be thinking about that for a while, especially coming from someone as beautiful as you.” You smiled, biting down on the inside of your lip again. Instead of continuing the conversation, you decided to play hard to get.

“Your food shouldn’t be too much longer.” You gave a smirk, adding a little pep to your step as you turned and walked away. Again, he watched as you disappeared behind the counter, waiting for your plates to be served.

Soon enough, the meals for the family of four were served on the windowsill. You grabbed the ticket and brought them their food, letting them know to just give a holler if they needed anything else. You went back and retrieved the plates for the older couple and dropped them off to them just the same. Eventually, Danny’s meal was served and you had to stop for a moment, regaining your composure before you brought it over to him. You picked up the omelet, carting it close to your body as you walked to the corner booth, being mindful of your steps so you did not trip over anything. When you reached his table, he gave you a smile as you placed it down in front of him.

“Looks good,” he commented, happy with the recommendation.

“Definitely not a Michelin starred restaurant, but we know how to make an omelet.” You grinned.

“Seems so,” he gave a nod of approval.

“Let me know if you need anything else, sweetheart.” You said, looking over your shoulder as more customers filled up the seats in your section.

“I will for sure.” He promised. “Thank you.” You didn’t respond, but gave another smile as you walked to greet the new customers.

After a while, the buzz began to die down. People were leaving with smiles on their faces and full bellies, and the tips were flowing generously. You brought the debit machine from table to table, allowing people to pay so they could make their way home. Every time you saw a customer out, you checked to see if Danny was ready. He seemed to be taking his sweet time, but you didn’t mind at all; it saved from another person replacing him in his seat, and it gave you something pretty to look at. If you could have it your way, you’d never let him leave.

He was intriguing, and you seemed to like every exchange of words more than the last. He was someone you wanted to keep talking to, and someone you wanted to share things with. He was interested in everything you had to say, and you hung onto every word that fell from his mouth. He was the most interesting person to ever sit in the diner, in the best way possible. You wanted to ask for more, to see him again, but your fear was stopping you. Rejection terrified you, and embarrassment was not any better. Instead, you stole glances at him and hoped that he would ask first, or that he would at least come back once he decided it was time to leave.

When most of the crowd filtered out, John let you know that you could head home, and that he convinced the night waitresses to come in a little early to cover the dinner rush. You nodded, letting him know you had one more customer to see through and then you’d be on your way. He thanked you again, wasting no time returning to the office. You liked John quite a lot; he was friendly, nice, and didn’t really care much about what you did during your shift as long as the job got done. He was old, and he was tired. The diner had given him a run for his money, and he was excited to retire, but realistically he knew it would never happen. You felt bad for him, but at the same time, you were happy to know he would be running the show for the foreseeable future.

You walked over to Danny, hoping to catch another quick conversation with him. He seemed to be pleased with your decision to join him again, smiling as you advanced towards him. “Back again?” He asked once you were in earshot.

“Just couldn’t stay away,” you smirked. “You all finished?”

“Yeah, think so.” He nodded, draining the last of the coffee from his mug. “Trying to get me out of here?” He asked.

“No, but the sooner you leave, the sooner I get to go home.” You explained. He gave a slow nod, picking up on the situation, now.

“If that’s the case, I’ll get out of your hair.”

“No need to rush.” You assured him, hoping you didn’t come off as rude. You’d stay all day if it meant you got to talk to him.

“I know, I know,” he chuckled. “But Sam’s probably wondering where I am, so I probably should get back.”

“Yeah, no problem. I can grab your bill?” You offered.

“Sure,” he nodded. “Mind if I borrow your pen for a second?” You grabbed it from your pocket, handing it over to him before running to the counter to print off his receipt. You brought it back over to him, placing it face down on the table.

“Shit, do you need the debit machine?” You asked, remembering that you hadn’t asked him yet. You were too caught up in the beauty of his smiling face.

“No, cash is fine.” He promised, flipping over the bill. You mindlessly watched out the window as he pulled some money out of his wallet, leaving it on the table as he made a move to stand.

“Oh, hold on.” You stopped him, eyeing the fifty dollar bill with unease. For a second, you thought you might have charged him wrong. “I’ll get your change.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he smiled. “I’ll see you again sometime?”

“Danny, that’s way too much-“

“Ah,” he cut you off, shaking his head. “Whatever happened to the customer is always right?” He raised an eyebrow. You let out a sigh, knowing that it was best not to argue with him.

“Thank you,” you said, feeling guilty for accepting such a large gesture. The tip was nearly four times his bill total.

“No need for thanks, the service was excellent.” He assured you. “You said you work the overnights here, right?”

“Yeah, usually.” You nodded. “Thursday to Sunday.”

“I’ll have to stop by sometime.” He noted, slipping on his jacket. Your eyes lingered over the muscles of his arms shown off under the sleeves of his t-shirt. You swallowed hard, trying to push the thought away.

“Guess so,” you agreed, nodding slightly. “Have a good rest of your day.”

“You, too.” He said, his shoulder gently brushing with your own as he passed by. The contact sent a shiver down your spine, and you turned to watch as he walked out the front door, wishing that you had the courage to follow after him or ask him to stay. Instead, you saw him disappear from view, and you were left with a sinking feeling in your stomach and regret looming overhead.

You turned to the table, grabbing the cash he’d left and your copy of the receipt. He’d penciled in the tip total, but what caught your eye was a napkin laying underneath that had black pen scribbled on it. You picked it up, bringing it closer so you could read the messy handwriting. As your eyes drifted over the words, your stomach filled with butterflies and your cheeks began to ache from the smile that took hold.

It was fantastic meeting you. If you ever have the time, I’d love to hear about Utah.

Below that, he left his phone number and a series of X’s and O’s. You bit down on your lip, slipping the note in your pocket to save for later, turning away to count your tips. As you went to the register, you couldn’t help but notice the excitement filling you, and how eager you were to get home and use the number he’d left, even if it was just to tell him about Utah. For the first time in eighteen months—no, for the first time in years, your happiness was genuine and you were eager to see what the next day would bring.

TAGLIST: @imleavingyoufornewyork @itsafullmoon @bladenotblaze @jessicafg03 @dont-go-home-without-me @peaceloveunitygvf

[joshfuckingkiszka]

hey guys guess what

look at ALL my fics ideas. yall are gonna be so well fed for a WHILE

[gretavanmoon]

THE FIDELITY SERIES MASTERPOST

fi•del•i•ty (noun)

-In audio, fidelity denotes how accurately a copy reproduces its source

Hey friends! Welcome to the Fidelity Series, an experimental collaboration with my bestie @gretavangroupie. This series of one-shots is purely for the sake of fun, whimsically- inspired writing, based upon the songs you so kindly submitted to us. We've chosen a handful of them, and will continue to add our stories to the jukebox as they're written. We won't have a set schedule for these, so keep an eye out for new goodies all the time. Each story will have its own description, warnings, etc. Enjoy!

Join the taglist here

Press a button to make a selection on our virtual jukebox:

R47

S17

E09

[age-of-greta]

The Sun

The Sun presents a feeling of optimism and fulfillment. It represents the dawn which follows the darkest of nights.

Author’s note: hi!! Welcome back to The Sun! Sorry it’s been a while, life is busy and I try to write when I can. I hope you enjoy this ~spicy~ chapter

Pairing: Josh x reader & Jake x reader

Warnings: cursing, alcohol consumption, smutttttttt, minors DNI

Word count: 8.3k

PART 3:

“I’m actually so depressed that you’re leaving me for a week.” You groaned, as you plopped down on his bed.

“I know. I’m not sure how you’re going to survive without me.” Josh said, throwing a pair of socks into his bag.

You huffed and folded your arms. Josh was about to leave you for a whole entire week. Well, really just five days, but close enough. He was going to meet with a vocal coach to prepare him for the sound of their new album. You were really bummed about it. You and Josh had spent virtually everyday together for weeks. He was your best friend and the thought of him leaving to go to LA made you feel sick. You wondered if he would be going to lavish parties with other people in the industry. Would he meet other people? Other girls? That’s completely normal worries to have about your best friend, right?

“What time is your flight tomorrow again?” You ask, picking at the ends of your hair.

“8:45 am.”

“And we’re still getting breakfast before I take you to the airport?”

Josh chuckles. “I hope so.”

“Okay.” You respond.

Josh closes his bag and sits down next to you. “I wish I didn’t have to go either. But it’s only a few days and I’ll call you as much as I can.”

You smile at him. “I know. I’m being such a baby about this.”

He smiles back and places his hand on your knee. “I think it’s sweet.”

Your eyes meet his and you feel a strange feeling brewing.

“Hey Josh, do you need this?”

You remove your eyes and see Jake standing in the doorway holding a neck pillow. He makes a face when sees you and Josh.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks.” Josh responds, getting up and grabbing the pillow from Jake.

“Didn’t know you were here Sug.” Jake says, crossing his arms.

You nod. “I’m taking Josh to the airport in the morning.”

Jake bites his lip. “Hm, okay.”

He glances you over once more before heading back down the hallway.

“Alright, I think I’m finally packed.” Josh throws all of his bags by the door and turns back to you. “Wanna order Chinese?”

“Oh yes please. I’m starving.” You say dramatically.

“Okay. You mind asking everyone else if they want anything? I’m going to throw all of this in the car and make a phone call real quick.”

You salute him. “Yes sir. Can do.”

Josh drags his bags down the stairs while you wonder around the halls looking for the other three.

“Danny?” You knock on his door. No response. “Sam?” You yell down the hallway. Nothing. You huff heading downstairs, but it’s also a ghost town. Finally, you open the back door and see Jake sitting by the fire pit reading. You glance around, still not seeing anyone else before deciding to head over and approach him. “Um, hey have you seen Sam or Danny?”

Jake glances up at you and slides his sunglasses off his nose. “They’re gone.”

“Oh.” You state. “Josh and I are ordering Chinese food and we wanted to see if anyone else wanted anything.”

He closes his book and turns to face you. “You can sit, you know.”

You glance down at the chair next to Jake and decide to take a seat. “What are you reading?”

Jake grins at you. “The Hobbit.”

You let out a laugh. “Again?!”

He nods his head. “Yeah. It’s one of the greatest novels of all time.”

“You and your Tolkien.” You huff. “It is one of the best books I’ve ever read though.”

Jake looks at you incredulously. “You read it?”

You nod. “And The Lord of the Rings trilogy.”

“When?”

You shrug. “Not super long ago.”

You didn’t want to tell him you had read all of those novels to try and feel closer to him. But once you started reading them, you had actually enjoyed them quite a bit.

“You’re full of surprises Sugar. Always keeping me on my toes.” Jake says, still smiling largely at you.

Josh walks outside and sits next to you. “So what’s the verdict?”

You clear your throat. “Sam and Danny aren’t here.”

Josh raises his eyebrows. “Oh lovely. Jake, what do you want?”

Jake stretches out a little. His shirt rises ever so slightly and reveals a small sliver of his stomach. You try not to look but fail. “I’m good.”

Josh makes a face at him. “You love Chinese food.”

Jake shrugs. “I’ll be out later.”

“Mhm.” Josh nods. “Holly or Katie?”

Jake shoots his twin a foul look.

Josh throws his hands up then faces you. “Okay. Wanna go get this order started.”

“Yep.” You say coolly, getting up to follow Josh.

As you walk away you glance back at Jake. He’s looking at you, like he wants to say something. But he doesn’t say anything, so neither do you.

**

“This is so freaking good.” You say, plopping chopsticks full of noodles into your mouth.

Josh smiles at you while chewing. “I told you. I have the best recommendations.”

You were both sprawled out on his bed watching an old western film that you had never seen before, but Josh definitely had.

“Josh?” You say, timidly turning towards him.

He glances over to you. “Hm?”

You purse your lips in contemplation before speaking. “I really have enjoyed spending so much time with you. You’re my best friend.”

He bites back what appears to be the beginning of a grimace before smiling back softly at you. “I have too. I love you, you know.”

You grin at him. “I know.”

He bites his lip. “Do you?”

You stare at him and give him a soft smile. Unsure as to where he might be going with this. Josh lets out a bated breath and reaches close to your face, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. For some reason your heart is pounding. It’s getting louder, but it’s not your heart. You jolt when you realize someone is beating on Josh’s door.

“Oh what the fuck.” He mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He groans and opens the door to see Sam standing there. “What?” Josh bites.

Sam furrows his brows at Josh and then glances over to you. “Sorry to disturb you… I just wanted to come by and wish you well on your travels before I went out tonight. If I’m successful, I won’t be home this evening.”

Sam gives Josh a wink and Josh clears his throat. “Yes, well thank you Sam. Good luck to you as well.”

He grins at his brother and shifts his eyes to you. “Will we be seeing you at all this week?”

You shrug. “I’m not sure. I’ve got a busy work week ahead and I really need to hang some shelves in my bathroom.”

“I told you I’ll do that for you when I get back. You're not the greatest at making things level.” Josh pokes.

Sam fake gasps and nudges his brother. “What a gentleman. If you get bored after work or are looking for trouble, you know where to find us.” Sam says with a wink.

You huff a laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Well, I don't want to hold you guys up any longer. Good luck Josh. Love you guys!” Then Sam is waltzing away to get into God knows what.

Josh closes his door and lets out a chuckle. “He’s going to be the death of me one day.”

You shake your head. “He loves you.”

He smiles at you. “He’s a little shit.”

“Can’t argue with you there.” You say, smiling back at him.

Josh rejoins you on the bed, picking up his container of rice and scooting ever so closer to you than he was before.

After you both had finished eating you had cleaned up and longued about before getting ready for bed. You grabbed your micellar water and doused it on a cotton pad to remove your mascara. You smiled when you glanced at the place it had lived in Josh’s bathroom. In fact, you had a whole shelf full of your small toiletries that you needed when you stayed over. After completing a quick version of your nightly routine you slid in bed next to Josh, adjusting your pillow just how you liked it.

“I need to get you softer pillows for when you stay over huh?” Josh laughs.

“I don’t know how you sleep on these flat things.” You say, fluffing up the pillow.

“Believe it or not, sleeping on flatter pillows is better for singers. It helps even out the breath in your sleep, leaving better airflow for your vocal chords.”

You make a slightly surprised face at him. “Wait, really?”

He turns and smirks at you. “I have no idea. I just made all of that up. Flat pillows are better though.”

You playfully smacked his chest, leaving your hand there. “Josh! I totally bought that. I think I would believe anything you said to me. That’s a dangerous quality to have. You should start a cult.”

He scooted closer to you. “Yeah? Would you be a member?”

You grinned at him. “Oh, I’d be your biggest fan. Give me that Kool-Aid, no questions asked.”

He snickered at that. “Good to know. Loyalty is of utmost importance when embarking on such a journey.”

You absentmindedly fidgeted with his necklaces. “Loyalty is everything. But I would need to know what my leader thinks the meaning of life is?”

He puts his arm out while you nuzzle yourself into it. This was somewhat of a new position. But you two were best friends, so testing the waters was platonic of course. This is what you told yourself as you took in his scent in an anything but innocent way. “The meaning of life?”

Josh pondered for a minute, lightly tracing circles on your arm. “To be happy and to be with people you love. Where there is love, we must live on. Where there is not love, we must provide it.”

You fluttered your eyes closed, feeling sleep sinking in. “I like that. You’re very poetic.”

He turns his head towards you and places a small kiss on your forehead. “Goodnight sleepy girl.”

**

You groggily woke up the next morning at an ungodly hour. Josh still had his arm lightly across you. You gently lifted it up, smiling at his soft snores and scooted out underneath him. You quietly crept to the bathroom doing a small routine before slinking down the stairs. You wanted to make Josh some coffee and surprise him with cooked breakfast before he headed off this morning. You tried to remain quiet through the house, not wanting to disturb anyone. Then you remembered you were probably the only two here. That wasn’t the case when you turned the corner and saw Jake sitting at the kitchen island. He was in a pair of very worn navy sweatpants with a steaming cup of coffee sitting next to the same book from earlier. He had made significant progress through the pages since you last saw him. It was early. Did he just make it back from whatever he did last night? You tried not to make any sound, but your heart sunk when you realized the sweatpants he was wearing were a gift from you.

“Morning.” You said lightly as you entered the kitchen.

Jake glanced up at you, almost surprised to see you. “Good morning.”

You began to clink around with the mugs, trying to act entirely normal.

“Sleep well?” Jake asked from behind you.

You nod your head, placing two stone mugs on the counter. “I did. How was your… night?”

Jake shrugged. “Got a lot of work done in the studio. Then came back and crashed.”

The studio. He was there. Not at someone else’s house. That made you feel relieved and it ate you alive simultaneously that you even cared.

“I don’t remember you being an early riser.” You poked, pressing buttons on the fancy coffee machine.

He half smiled at you. “I’m full of surprises too Sug.”

You met his eyes and couldn’t help but grin back at him. “I’ve changed a bit.” He offers, in a quieter tone, his expression too serious to read.

You swallow hard, trying to figure out what to say. Trying to figure out just what he meant.

Your thoughts are plundered by the soft padding of Josh making his way into the kitchen. “Morning.” He says through a long stretch and yawn. He eyes Jake. “Why are you up?”

“Wanted to get a jump start on my day I suppose.” Jake responds to his twin, rather flatly.

Josh turns to you and smiles. “Is that my coffee?”

You let out a small laugh and nod.

“You’re my absolute favorite person, you know that?” Josh gushes as he heads over to you and wraps you in a hug while grabbing his coffee.

You giggle at him. “So sappy Joshy.”

He plants a kiss on your head dramatically. “Ah, just for you.”

Jake clears his throat.

You're transported back to reality for a moment and realize how cozy you and Josh are. To you, this felt normal. Natural even. But you could see how it might look to Jake.

“Anyway, I had planned on making you breakfast before your big trip. But it appears you only have Ritz crackers and margarita mix.”

Josh laughs. “Now that is a meal. Don’t sweat it, let me go get everything ready and we’ll stop somewhere before you drop me off.”

Josh grabs his mug and darts off towards the stairs, leaving you and Jake in silence. You take a few sips of your coffee, leaning against the countertops. Jake has resumed reading his book while absentmindedly tapping his fingers on the counter. You had come to learn this was something he did when he had a particular riff stuck in his head.

Finally, you broke the silence. “Better go get ready.”

He glanced over at you. “Sure.”

You couldn’t help but notice the bite in his tone.

**

It was too early for any normal breakfast place to be open so you and Josh settled at a Dunkin Donuts close to the airport.

“Pink frosted sprinkled donuts are my spirit animal I think.” You joked, biting into your sweet treat.

Josh smiled at you. “That donut is an embodiment of you.”

“Philosophical Joshua. I have a confession though…”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Do tell.”

“Pink frosted sprinkle donut. Right? But what’s the flavor? It doesn’t taste like artificial strawberry or like medicine, bubblegum or cotton candy. The taste is simply… pink.”

Josh cackles and claps at your revelation. “Oh my god. You finally get it now babe.”

Babe? That was new. It made a warmness flutter in your chest.

You tried not to sound bashful. “Yeah, I think I do.”

Josh smiled at you as he licked chocolate frosting from his thumb and sighed. “We should head over soon.”

You frowned. “You’re probably right.”

He grins. “That’s typically the case.”

You fake roll your eyes. “Can it.”

You put your car in reverse and drive the short distance to the drop off at the airport. Josh is lightly humming to a Joe Cocker song that had come on shuffle. Somehow during the short ride his hand found it’s way on yours. You tried not to think too much on it, but it felt nice. What the fuck was happening to you?

The bustle of the airport was still chaotic even at this ungodly hour.

“Fuck.” Josh muttered.

“Hey, be safe okay? Keep me updated on when you land and all that.” You say.

“Yes ma’am. Thank you for taking me. I really appreciate everything.”

You softly smile at him. “Of course.”

“Well.” He groans. “Better go before that whistle starts blowing.”.

He leans over and grips you in a tight hug before grabbing his carry-on and opening the door.

“It’s not really a goodbye. Just a farewell for now.” Josh offers with a bright smile, standing at the door.

“Okay people move along!” One of the traffic officers yell accompanied by a whistle.

“See? Told ya. These fuckin whistles.” Josh scoffs.

You laugh at him. “Be safe! Come back in one piece please.”

He winks at you. “I’ll try.”

**

A dreadfully boring Wednesday had rolled around. The week had already been long, you had been in the office the past three days. It was now nearing dark and you were so excited to throw some frozen orange chicken in the air fryer and make a lazy version of stirfry as soon as you had gotten home. Traffic had been brutal and you were on the final stretch, finally making that turn towards your townhome. You parked your car and grabbed your work tote, thankful that you only had one more day to work this week until you had three days off. Subsequently, you were so excited to see Josh again. You two had kept in touch of course calling and texting, but you were both also busy. You unlocked your door and kicked your black heels off at the door. You threw your tote bag and baby blue blazer down on the table. You know you shouldn’t cook dinner in your work attire, but your stomach is too empty for you to care. You tied an apron around your waist, trying to hide the white bodysuit and baby blue slacks from any stains. Then you got to work taking out your frozen vegetables and putting them in the skillet with oil. You put on a Dire Straits album and swayed around your kitchen as you let your mind wander. It was liberating doing such a mundane task after a long day. A knock at your door disrupted your thoughts. You made at face and glanced at your phone. No texts from anyone and you weren’t expecting company. You wiped your hand on a dish towel and felt ready to let whoever was on the other side of that door that they needed to go. But when you opened the door you were taken aback slightly. It was Jake. He had a toolbox on hand.

“Good evening Sugar.” He smirked.

You furrowed your brows at him. “Jake, what are you doing?”

He shrugged. “Sam had mentioned something about some bathroom shelves.”

You pursed your lips together. “I can hang them.”

He laughed and stepped by you into your house. “As if. Come on let me do this for you Sugs. Friends remember?”

You huffed a little. “Okay. Well, um I’m cooking dinner. Orange chicken stirfry. Would you like some?”

He smiled at you. “Absolutely. Nice place you got here. Want to direct me to where you would like these shelves?”

**

You had lit a scented candle. Why? You don’t know. For some reason you were nervous. You could hear Jake with a drill in your bathroom as you anxiously tapped your fingers as you plated the food. You took two plates and sat it on your kitchen table, then grabbed two wine glasses and your favorite bottle of moscato. You placed everything down, took your apron off, and smoothed your hair before heading towards your bathroom. He was just finishing hanging the first shelf. His brows pinched up in concentration, while he had a drill bit hanging out of his mouth. He had always been a perfectionist.

“Looks good.” You say, standing in the doorway crossing your arms.

He pops the drill bit out of his mouth and turns to give you a smile. “Yeah?”

You nod. “Dinner’s ready.”

You turn back heading towards the kitchen and hear Jake picking up. He joins you just a few minutes after and takes a seat across from you while you scroll on your phone.

“Oh Sug, this smells great.” He says with a smirk.

You place your phone down and force a laugh. “Thanks. Most of it is frozen though. I rarely have time to cook anything else. Wine?”

“Please.” He says, tipping his glass towards you.

You uncork the bottle and pour the chilled wine half way full in each glass.

“It’s my favorite. Not too sweet, not too bitter.”

Jake swirls the wine around in the glass and brings it to his nose before taking a sip. “Wow okay, yeah. You have good taste.”

You shrug and try to act like that’s not a huge compliment coming from him as you poke around your plate with your fork.

“So, tell me all about you. What’s new?” Jake asks, taking a bite of food.

You hum. “Nothing too exciting. I work a lot. I occasionally go out and I enjoy going to the park to read.”

“Enthralling stuff there honey. But let’s cut the boring shit here. That’s not us. What’s really been going on? Have you dated anyone seriously since me?”

You can’t help but smile at his bluntness. “No, not seriously anyway. Have you?”

“No.” He responds with a grin.

You take a sip of your wine. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

He raises an eyebrow at you but keeps that grin on his face. “How come?”

“Well Jake, you’re not exactly relationship material.”

He cocked his head to the side. “Maybe not for most. But I was for you.”

You felt your cheeks grow pink. Fuck. Why did he affect you like this? Play it cool. “Right.”

“Despite everything. I always thought about you. Wondered about how you were, what you were doing, who you were with. Sometimes I would think I would look out into the crowd at a show and see you there.” He admitted, flicking his gaze towards the table as he talked.

The wine had made you feel warm inside, at least you told yourself that was the reason. “I’ve been fine. Building my career, working on myself, loving myself.” You paused, finding those honey brown eyes. “But of course I had thought about you too. From time to time.”

He smiled at your acknowledgment. “Well hot damn. After all of this time, look at us huh? Who would’ve thought we’d end up here?”

You shook your head and laughed. “Not me.”

After you two had wrapped up dinner and finished the whole entire bottle of wine you had changed into lounge clothes and migrated to your couch, spending hours talking and giggling. At some point Jake’s hand found its way to rest on your calf as you sat criss cross facing him while he leaned towards you.

“So moral of the story, that’s why Sam no longer drinks kombucha before shows.”

You giggled at his stories as he tried to fill you in on every major detail that had happened since you two had last been together.

“God you really have lived an adventure huh?” You ask, twisting the ends of your hair.

He nods. “And I hope it’s only getting started. It’s been so surreal and being here in Nashville makes me want to stay. There’s so many different people and the weather. Oh the weather.”

You nod your head. “That’s what did it for me. I don’t think I would survive a full Michigan winter again.”

He placed his hand on your hip and began to tickle you. “Nope. You’re too warm blooded now.”

You leaned back in a fit of laughter. “Jake! Stopppp!”

He continued and leaned over you. “Mhm I know all your spots Sugar.”

He finally stops and you brush your hair out of your face. He’s essentially on top of you, in between your legs. “You’re such a little shit. You know that?” You say lightheartedly.

He leans closer to you, the tip of his hair tickling your collarbones. “Now that’s not nice to say darlin. Do I need to remind you how sweet I can be too?”

Your heart is thumping in your chest as you two make fierce eye contact with each other. The wine has you feeling giddy. But, you’re saved by the bell as your phone begins to ring loudly on the coffee table. It jolts you from your thoughts and your position. You reach over and grab your phone seeing “Josh” pop up on your screen along with a silly picture of you two.

“One sec.” You say to Jake, who clearly seems disappointed. You run to your room and close the door.

“Hello?”

His chipper voice rings back at you. “Hey there, pretty lady. It’s been an insanely busy day, I’ve just now got a five minute break to have my own thoughts. What have you been up to today?”

You clear your throat, trying not to sound as flustered as you feel. “Oh you know, same old same old. Just a long day of working. I made stir fry for dinner.”

He sighs into the phone. “Now that sounds good. I’ve been living mostly on takeout and party foods.”

You huff a laugh. “Party foods? Oh poor you.”

He returns your laugh. “I know it’s rough out here. Hey listen they’re about to call back for me. It was good to hear your voice. I’ll give you a call tomorrow?”

“You better. Have fun, be safe.”

You collected yourself and cleared your throat before heading back into your living area. You found Jake in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner.

“Everything okay?” He asked, rinsing a plate.

“Mhm. Yeah yeah, just checking in. Hey you don’t have to clean up. I can do it.” You offer, stepping in to help.

He shakes his head. “No, I got it. I’m going to finish up and I’ll be out of your hair. I know you have work tomorrow.”

You nod, trying to decipher if you were relieved or disappointed.

“Care if I come back by tomorrow to put that other shelf in?” He asks with a soft smile.

“Sure. I can make dinner again.”

And you did. He had come over again Thursday night, installed your shelf, and you two had made pizzas together. A flood of nostalgia flooded you as you two had rolled the dough out. Jake put a dab of flour on your cheek and you returned the favor with pizza sauce. This was a date you two had before, but this time there was no arguing. In fact, the night had gone quite pleasantly. You had watched a movie and Jake went home after. He kept his hands, mostly to himself- which surprised you. You had woken up on Friday morning in a haze. The past two days had felt surreal with Jake. Part of you had believed maybe you had hallucinated the whole thing, but when you saw how perfectly your shelves were hung you smiled to yourself. Josh would be home Sunday morning, but all you could think about is if Jake would try to come by again. You checked your phone. Nothing but a Snapchat from Josh. In the past two days you had unblocked Jake and even shared a text or two. You decided to try and push him out of your mind and switched it up today, going for a hot yoga class. This was a little further of a drive than your pilates studio, but the drive cleared your mind. After yoga you felt energized and grabbed a coffee to get you through the rest of the day. You decided to stop at a shopping plaza to treat yourself. While gandering at all the pretty little things you felt your phone vibrating in your purse.

Jake.

Your heartbeat picked up and you felt a rush go through you as you answered.

“Good morning Sugar. Do you have any plans later?”

You decided to play it cool. “Nothing too concrete. Why?”

“Great. I’ll pick you up later. Before you ask, wear whatever you want. You look good in anything. I’m about to head to the studio, but be ready by 8.”

You glanced at the black lacy matching set you had in your hands. This would do.

**

7:58. You stared at the clock on your wall, tapping your fingers absentmindedly on your couch as you waited for Jake. You felt unusually nervous, as if you hadn’t been on a date with him before. Was this a date? Who in the hell knew. Your feelings were scattered everywhere. But the one thing you knew was that Jake had sunk his claws right into you again. Everything inside of you was screaming no while also simultaneously screaming yes. You had decided on a casual little orange dress that complimented your tan perfectly with platform sandals and gold jewelry. You put loose curls in your hair and did an ample amount of makeup. You felt summery and pretty. You hoped Jake would think so as well.

A knock on your door at 8 pm sharp jolted you from your thoughts.

“Hello gorgeous.” Jake said, stepping in and handed you a small bouquet of red roses.

“Do friends buy each other flowers?” You ask, trying to play off that this was the first time he had ever gotten you flowers.

He smirked at you. “They can. Ready to go?”

You two had ended up at a stylish little cocktail garden across town. Jake had reserved a table on the rooftop, pretty hidden from the rest of the crowd. You both selected different specialty cocktails and ordered a quite large charcuterie board.

“This place is cute.” You said sipping your drink and surveying your surroundings.

He flashed you a smile. “I thought you might think so. Very ‘Nashville.’”

You laugh. “Jake, baby, not every place with neon signs is distinctly Nashville.”

You feel your blood run cold as you just realized you had let that word slip out. Fuck these drinks were strong.

Of course he had noticed it too and bit down on his straw giving you a sly smile with those eyes. “Sure, but the fake flowers on the wall and shitty country music makes it feel that way.”

You hold your hands up in defense. “Hey I know you love your dingy little hole in the walls. But time and place for everything. At least enjoy the oxygen that isn’t littered with cigarette smoke.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Since when is cigarette smoke a problem for you?”

You grab your straw and perhaps suggestively take a sip while locking eyes with him. “Time and place for everything Jake.”

When the charcuterie board arrived you both had picked at the selections while continuing to drink. You giggled and laughed and then giggled some more. You were smitten with him yet again. You weren’t dumb, you knew it wouldn’t last. The hell would come. But for now, you allowed yourself to keep your head in the clouds.

“I don’t think I can drive Sugs. Care if we Uber back?” Jake asks, finishing off drink number-hell you had lost count.

“That’s a smart idea. Gonna go to the bathroom before we leave.” You slightly slurred.

The walk to the bathroom proved a little off-kilter. You were on the cusp of tipsy and your brain was swirling with bad decisions.

You glanced at yourself in the mirror, lightly rolling on lipgloss and fluffing your hair before making your way back out. Jake had already taken care of the tab and was waiting for you out front.

“Uber should be here in about 15 minutes.”

You nodded and followed him into a crowded elevator. You two had to squeeze in, which meant you were pressed into each other. Jake glanced down at you with a certain look in his eye that made your mouth water. His hand snaked around your waist, his fingers pressing into your hip. A spot that he knew would rile you up. You bit your lip and held your breath. You didn’t dare breathe again until you were at the bottom.

“That elevator was pretty cramped huh?” You played, stepping outside of the building.

He shrugged, matching your walking pace up the sidewalk. “I didn’t mind it.”

You lightly shoved him. “I’m sure you didn’t.”

He smirked at you. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”

You shoved him again, slightly harder. “Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?”

He signed. “You’re done Sugs.” He scooped you up and tickled at your side.

“Jake!” You giggled out through laughter. “Put me down! Jake I swear!”

He continued. “Or what Sugs?”

“Jacob Thomas!”

He laughed. “Okay fine. Fine. No need for government names.”

He placed you down and you braced up against the concrete wall and you fixed your hair that had gone wild. “You don’t play fair.”

He stepped up closer to you and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. “There. Perfect as always.”

His eyes searched for yours, his gaze intensely switching to your lips. Fuck it. You pushed yourself up on your tiptoes and kissed him, hard. There was zero protest from him as his hands immediately found your waist. Warmth flooded your senses and you felt entirely weightless. You lightly bit his bottom lip which caused a small groan to leave his mouth.

“Now who’s not playing fair?” He growled into your ear as his fingers found that spot on your hip.

The intense session was interrupted by Jake’s phone buzzing. He cleared his throat. “Uber’s here.”

You nodded and took his hand as he led you into the car. Neither one of you spoke the whole entire ride home. Jake kept his hand firmly planted on your upper thigh while both of you took stolen glances at one another.

“Thanks.” Jake said, tossing a stack of bills at the driver.

He guided you up to the door, standing close as you fidgeted with your keys.

Finally, once inside and the door was closed. His lips were on yours again. His hands running wildly up and down your body, your hands in his hair as you two shuffled through your house. Somehow you two had made your way into the kitchen.

“Fuck, you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this.” He panted in between kisses.

He backed you up against the counter, his eyes glaring into yours. Then his rough hands run under your thighs as he lifts you and places you on the counter. Neither one of you had dared to speak yet. Then Jake broke the silence.

“So pretty.” He spat, as his hands ran up under your dress.

You were impossibly turned on. Anticipation sat in your throat like a softball.

You bit your lip as his hands hooked around your panties. He pulled them down and scooted you closer to him. He bunched up your dress right to the very beginning of your thighs.

“So fucking pretty.” He stated again.

You squirmed under his touch as he raked his fingertips around your inner thighs.

“Jake, stop teasing.” You said, though it came out more as a beg.

He smiled at you, then craned his head down and kissed you on your sweetest spot.

A jolt ran through your body.

“So needy. My pretty girl, so needy for me.” He says with a smirk. “Let’s see how wet you are, Sugar.”

He takes one finger and slides it in between you, just grazing. You slightly buck your hips, desperate for some sort of friction. Desperate for that feeling that only Jake had given you.

“Whew, fuck Sugar.” Jake says, taking that same finger and popping it in his mouth. “So sweet, just like I remember. So wet for me.”

You huff out at him. You’re beyond ready to beg, but he can’t have that satisfaction. You have to play the game right back. “As if you’re not about to bulge out of your pants right now. Face it Jake, you’ve never had better.”

He grips your thighs. “You’re right about that. You drive me crazy Sugar. Especially when that pretty mouth says such filthy things.”

“Jake.” You say looking down at him, batting your eyelashes. “Can you just shut up and fuck me?”

His mouth falls open slightly at that and he stares up at you completely enamored.

You use this as an opportunity to tease him. You slide back and open your legs a little more.

“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” You say with as much sex in your voice that you could muster.

Jake takes in a deep breath and then a devilish smirk appears on his face. “No.” He starts. “But it’s about to.”

He licks a stripe up your thigh whilst holding eye contact with you. Then, he smiles before burying his face in between your legs.

You arch your back and tilt your head backwards as soft moans escape your lips. Jake shimmys your dress up even further, then slides his fingers into you.

“Fuck.” You whined, which only egged him on further.

“Yeah come on baby. Give me all of those pretty little sounds.” He begged.

His fingers worked expertly with his mouth. Like he had your body etched into his mind and he knew how to make you unraveled. Just as you were right there, white hot- he stopped. You unclenched your eyes and looked down at him in shock. He smirked back up at you and lightly bit your thigh.

“Come on Sugs. What’s the rush? Let’s take this to your room.”

You scoffed at him, hopping off the counter and pulling your panties back up. You were bewildered, but you knew him edging you was a sick little kink of his. You followed him into your bedroom where your lips connected once more. You unbuttoned his shirt while he kicked off his shoes. You pushed him back onto the bed where he raised up on his elbows and watched you intently. You slowly began to pull at the sleeves on your dress and dropped it to the floor, leaving you just in the black lacy little number you had just bought.

“God damn.” Jake barely whispered as he watched you with full blown lust.

“Oh this little thing?” You teased running your hands over the lace.

He swallowed hard. “Fuck. You are so fucking hot. I- Get over here please.”

You laughed. “I thought there was no rush?”

You turned around walking towards your dresser, giving him a nice show of your plump ass.

“Oh my god.” He all but groaned. You could sense him twitching over there, just itching to get his hands on you.

You struck a match and lit a small candle. “That’s better isn’t it?”

He nodded.

You walked over to him, slowly. His eyes were trained on you. You straddled his lap and his hands immediately found your hips, the whole entire time you stared into each other’s eyes. So much unspoken. So much unsaid. He leaned in and kissed you with fervor. His hands immediately gripping at the flesh of your ass. You were the first to slip out your tongue, but were met eagerly with his. You worked quickly to undo his belt and pants. He managed to shimmy them off while never breaking the kiss. You both leaned by entirely, you slowly grinded down onto his boxers causing him to almost lose it right there. You would start and get him worked up, then stop. Playing his own game right back at him. This earned you a swift smack on your ass. “You little tease.”

You sat up, fully shifting your lower half on top of him. “What’s wrong Jakey? Can dish it out but can’t take it?”

He let out a laugh. “We gonna play these games all night or are you going to let me fuck you? I can ruin that pretty makeup by having you in tears, begging me to let you come. Or I can fuck you so hard you won’t be able to think straight. Both are equally intriguing to me. Your choice baby.”

You tilted your head to the side. “Still think you’re up for the task? Can you even make me come, Jake?”

In a swift motion he flipped you over, him now on top of you. He pinned your hands above your head, holding them there. “Such a little brat. I could think of a better way to put that mouth to use. Looks like you chose the hard way.”

Excitement bubbled in your chest. No one ever got you this worked up, it was only him.

He released your hands and ripped your panties off of you. He pulled the fabric apart until it ripped.

“Jake!”

He didn’t flinch. “I’ll buy you one hundred more of these, especially if I can take them off of you like this.”

He grabbed your hands again, tying them up in the now ripped lace fabric. He slides down next to you, his fingers finding your center to begin work. After a few seconds you’re already squirming.

“Thought you were clever huh Sug? Asking me if I still can make you come?”

You flutter your eyes closed, trying to recenter yourself. Jake slapped your core. “Eh uh. Eyes on me.”

You pry your eyes open to watch him, trying your best to act like you weren’t on fire inside.

He kissed below your navel, making your shutter. “Did you miss me?”

You refused to answer that.

“Mhm I think you did. Do you touch yourself and think of me?” He asked, in a sickeningly sweet voice as he continued his descent.

“No.” You say, calmly.

He nips at your thigh. “It’s okay if you do. Sometimes I find myself thinking of you, late at night.”

You huffed as he continued to tease you.

“Not as sweet as the real thing though.” He made contact making an obscene slurping sound that made you twitch.

Then he stopped again coming back up to kiss you.

“Taste that? That’s you. My sweet girl.”

“You’ve made your point. Just fucking touch me.” You all but whined.

He chuckled at you. “So demanding.”

He unties your hands while freeing himself from his boxers. Then he flips you around and spreads your knees wider. You arch your back, silently begging for him to enter you.

“Fuck. Now there’s a view I would never get tired of.”

He slides himself all around you, still trying to tease you, but you could tell he was faultering. Slowly, he sunk into you. A moan left both of your mouths. He took his time but finally pushed himself all the way in.

“Ah fuck. Fuck baby.” He cooed.

He reached down and pulled you up, so you were flushed with him. Then reached down and rubbed at your bundles of nerves, sending you almost right over the edge.

“Jake- fuck don’t stop.” You whined.

He bit at your jaw. “Who fucks you like this? Who is the only person who will ever fuck you like this?”

“You! It’s you.” You barely spit out.

That warmness spread all over your body and you were about to explode. You squeezed him with everything you had.

“That’s right. You’re such a good girl Sugar. Fuck.” He grunted.

“Jake I’m- I’m.”

He removed his hand. “I know. I wanna see your face when you come for me.”

He unclasped your bra, tossing it to the side and flipped you over on your back.

“Fucking gorgeous.”

His hands massaged your breasts before lightly biting at your hardened nipples.

You were now in the home stretch, both of you struggling to hold on. Jake hooked your leg up over his shoulder and started to pound into you.

You could see the sweat beginning to trickle on him as his hair stuck to his face and neck. He guided your hand down to your sweet spot and guided you. “Almost there baby. Eyes on me.”

You locked eyes with him and that’s all it took. That wave came crashing down, completely washing you away with it. Jake was right behind you and you could feel him release into you. You gripped his shoulders while his mouth found yours, swallowing all of your sounds.

“Shit.” Jake groaned, rolling off of you. Both of you absolutely spent. Sweat, sex, and panting still filled the air. You reached over and grabbed a pack of American Spirits from your bedside table, they were old but necessary. You flicked a lighter and lit it while Jake looked at you with a smirk.

You shrugged and met his eyes. “Time and place for everything. Remember?”

**

Light filtered in through your blinds the next morning gently waking you. You turned to your side. Empty. Should have figured. Fuck, you were sore. You groaned as you stretched out making your way to the bathroom. You jumped in the shower to wash off the smell of sex and nicotine then brushed your teeth. You couldn’t tell if you were slightly hungover or slightly sad. Of course he left, that’s what he does. Coffee. You needed coffee badly. You tossed a giant band tee on and some cotton underwear and combed through your hair before padding out into your living room. Also empty. The refrigerator was embarrassingly barren. Leftover pizza, expired creamer, and strawberries. You needed to go to the grocery store, badly. You snickered at the thought of Josh seeing your refrigerator like this. He would playfully scold you and force you to Publix. You missed him. A loud noise crashed through your apartment and you jolted out of your thoughts.

“Jake? What the fuck! You scared me!” You clutched your chest.

Jake had bounded through the door with a coffee carrier and brown paper bags. A sight you never thought you would see.

“Don’t look so surprised to see me Sugs. Did you think I would have just up and left.” He asked with a smirk.

You can’t help but let out a small laugh. “Well yeah.”

He shakes his head at you. “I stole your keys so I could let myself back in. Had to Uber to get my car and then I got us breakfast. Hope you like breakfast burritos and coffee that’s a little too sweet.”

A smile twisted up on your lips. That was thoughtful?

“I do. Thank you.” You say, walking over to the counter to grab a coffee. You took a sip, it wasn’t your normal complicated vanilla latte. But it would do.

You both had plopped down at your table, somewhere you had found yourselves often the past few days and ate breakfast together.

“So, Danny and I have a meeting today. Some sort of podcast thing, but I’ll be free after. Care to go out again?” Jake asks, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

You bite your lip. “Josh comes back tomorrow.”

He shakes his head. “Uh huh.”

“Jake, he can’t know- about any of this really. He would freak out.” You say cautiously.

He gives you a sly smile. “S’okay Sugar. I’ll be your dirty little secret.”

You tap his arm. “I’m serious.”

He sighs at you and holds up a hand. “Fine. Scout’s honor.”

“Then yes, we can go out again tonight. But it can’t be a repeat of last night, I have to pick him up from the airport and do not want to be hungover.” You say, standing your ground.

Jake shrugs. “I dunno, maybe it could just be a little bit of a repeat from last night.”

You crack a smile and shake your head at him. What in the hell had you gotten yourself into again.

**

“I am so happy to see you!” Josh says, climbing into your car and squeezing your shoulders with a hug.

You smile at him. “I missed you too. I can’t wait to hear about all of your adventures.”

He huffs. “I have so many to share. Can I run by my place and shower and then come over? I am craving a home cooked meal so badly.”

You click your blink and laugh. “Well yes, but I don’t have much to cook. You would be appalled at the state of my refrigerator right now.”

“Hey, you have to take care of yourself. Change of plans; I’ll call in Chinese tonight and pick it up on my way over. First thing in the morning we are going grocery shopping.” He says in a caring tone.

“Deal.” You agree.

After dropping Josh off you had decided to tidy up a bit before he came over. You had already done a sweep of your house, making sure there were no remnants of Jake lying around anywhere. You had spent last night together again in a similar fashion to the night before. The last thing you wanted was for Josh to know that.

“These egg rolls are fresh today.” Josh said, stepping into your house.

“Oh I can tell it smells good.” You took the bags from Josh and placed them on the counter.

“Can you turn on that documentary we were watching last week? I’ll be right back, my bladder is about to explode.”

You chuckled and set out all of the food on your coffee table then started searching for whatever you two had previously watched. Once it was queued up you grabbed and extra blanket and waited for Josh. A few moments later he came walking into your living room.

“Shelves?”

You turned around and made a face at him. “What?”

He pointed behind him. “You hung your bathroom shelves?”

Fuck.

“Oh-uh yeah. It wasn’t too hard actually.” You tried to say as nonchalantly as possible.

He made a face at you. “Where did you get the tools?”

You shrugged. “I borrowed them from a neighbor. Come on, I'm starving and this food is going to get cold!”

He chewed on his cheek and eventually joined you on the couch. You hated lying to him, but the alternative would be worse.

That night you two had ended up asleep on the couch. You were wrapped in Josh’s arms, but his twin was the one occupying your mind.

***

Thank you for reading!!! <3

[seenoversundown]

For Death Or Glory : Chapter Sixteen

Jake Kiszka x Charlotte (Fem OC)

Warnings: Brief mentions of sex (nothing too deep) Mentions of Loss / Grief / Death, Sad / Anxious themes briefly, Fluff, RomComs (Char is a crier) , Jake being the little sweetie pie that we know and love him to be, and last but certainly not least- A LOT of references to John Tucker Must Die (may include some spoilers if you haven't watched the movie, but also go watch it?? What are you doing? It's incredible.)

Word Count: 4k.

Summary: After a long night with him, Charlotte finds herself in a bit of a predicament.

Author's Note: Oh, this turned out to be a cute one guys! I honestly went into this chapter with a vague idea of how I wanted it to go and then suddenly had the Jimmy Neutron-style brain blast when I realized what they needed to be doing. I really hope you enjoy it; it's a bit of a niche chapter but, it's actually kind of important in the grand scheme! Can't wait to hear your feedback and I really can't wait for next week. 🤭

Feels Like - Gracie Abrams "Met you at the right time, this is what it feels like."

The feeling of him pulling me back into him as I’m half asleep, letting a little ‘mmm’ slip out with his face tucked into me. Our bodies tangle into each other as he slides one of his legs between mine, keeping me as close to him as possible. The warmth coming from him made up for the lack of clothes we had on. 

We lie there for a while, in and out of sleep, sharing gentle touches occasionally; he’d slide his hand up and down my thigh a few times and then fall back to sleep or kiss the base of my neck slowly. I’ll never understand how he’s real. 

“I have to pee so bad,” he mumbles into me. His morning voice is extra raspy, and despite him being a little too honest, it really is adorable. I just quietly laugh at him as he tightens his grip around me. 

“You should probably go take care of that,” I whisper back, trying not to laugh more. 

He lets out a long breath against me, “I’d have to stand up, and that just sounds awful.”

“Yes, but if you pee on me, I'm never letting you live that down,” I tell him, making him laugh. 

“Alright, alright,” he groans. “But, don’t move– I’m coming right back.” He leaves a kiss on my shoulder before sliding out of bed. I turn around to watch him as he just pulls on a flannel, his legs still fully on display from how short his boxers are. It's hard to believe that no girl has tried to get with him; he is effortlessly gorgeous. 

Once he’s left the room, I grab my phone, unlocking it to see the dreaded email from my boss that I knew I would be receiving. We’ve been going back and forth the past few days trying to figure out what I'm doing. To be honest, I don’t really know what I’m doing. Not cooperating with your job is what you’re doing. Be so for real, Char.

Knowing I’d probably regret my choice, I decided to open his reply. 

‘Charlotte- I’ve been trying to be as flexible as I can with you, and I understand that you’re technically doing work—I can’t stress how much this isn’t an option for you. You were hired as an in-office employee. Now, I know you’re still grieving, but our bereavement days are only supposed to be for immediate family members, and we are already letting that slide for your friend, so I would really appreciate it if you were a little more cooperative.  I need you to figure out a return date within the next week or so and give it to me by the end of the day.'

‘Letting it slide for your friend,’ the sting from that specific line, making my heart pound and my eyes start to well up. I can’t cry right now; I doubt he meant it to be mean, Char. I don’t care how he meant it; it hurts. She may as well have been family, in my mind. Now, the daunting task of how I’m supposed to go back into the office after all of this will plague my mind today. 

My hands are shaking as I scroll up and down through the email. I swallow hard to try and stop the sadness that’s forcing its way up my throat. I quickly lock my phone and toss it to the other end of the bed as the door to his room opens. 

“I had a feeling you’d be up,” his soft voice rang through the room. He looks so sweet, carefully walking over with two mugs full of coffee. I figured you would want this.” He holds it out for me, his gaze finally meeting mine. 

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. 

“Thank you” comes out a bit more strained than I would have preferred. His eyebrows pull together. He sets his mug down on the nightstand and sits in front of me. 

“What’s going on?”

I shake my head, my throat feeling tight all over again. 

“Hey,” his hands gently rubbed my legs, “Whatever it is, you can tell me.” 

My eyes betray me as they well up. I set my coffee down with his, quickly wiping my eyes as the tears started to come out. 

“It’s a long story,” I choke out quietly. 

“I have time.” 

The tears instantly fall as I sit there in front of him, feeling like he wants nothing more than just to make sure I’m okay. My hands fly up to cover my face, feeling dumb for crying in front of him.. again.

His hands moved to my arms, gently pulling me towards him. He whispered, “Ooh, come here, honey.” 

Without hesitation, I crawled into his lap, resting my face against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me. We sit there for a few minutes like that before I finally decide to say it. 

“Um.. my best friend passed away,” I tell him, doing my best to keep it together enough to explain. “Her funeral was the day I came in to help and cried in your office.” I can feel him take a deeper breath before saying anything. 

“I can’t even imagine,” he says softly, “I’m so sorry.” Resting his face against the top of my head. 

“Yeah, it’s just a lot.” My heart aches, replaying the thoughts in my mind before I choke out,  “I miss her so much.” 

“Tell me about her.”

What? He— oh. I shift myself to face him, sitting in between his legs. He sweetly wipes underneath my eyes, his hands dropping to find mine. 

“Her name is Cassie,” I start. Telling him everything I could, how we met, and how she always made me laugh. The way she was so naturally beautiful and inspiring to watch exist. I was explaining how we would always end up spending the night at each other's houses because we would just get too caught up in talking. I found myself laughing at one point while explaining, even with tears still falling. 

He held my hands the whole time. He listened so intently, keeping eye contact and only letting go when I needed one to explain something or if he was wiping a tear away from my face. He was everything I needed at that moment.

“She sounds wonderful,” he says, softly squeezing my hand. 

My eyes well up as I look at him, forcing out a laugh as I stare up at the ceiling, trying to prevent the tears from falling. She would have loved you. The look on his face makes it harder to keep it together, his eyes looking so concerned as more tears sneak out. 

“She really is,” I let out with a sigh, which swiftly turned into a laugh. “I swear I can hear her in my head half of the time.” 

He smiles for a second, “That’s how you know she was a good one.”

A tear falls and lands on his hand, feeling the little spray as it bursts against him. Pulling me out of the moment and realizing how close we are. He's so gentle the way he runs his thumb over my knuckles as we talk. He quickly pulled me into his arms, and as soon as he saw tears, there was no hesitation. My heart shakes at the thought. 

“You know what,” he starts, bringing me back to earth and gently squeezing my hands. Let me talk to Josh real quick. I have an idea.” His eyes are soft, gazing all over my face. 

“Can I know what it is?” I ask quietly. He leans forward, pressing his lips to my forehead carefully. 

“If I can make it happen, yes.” 

I grab the coffee he brought. It’s questionably cold at this point, but I'm sipping on it anyway. Cass, I wish I could get confirmation from you or something. How am I supposed to know if you were right? 

He leans against the doorframe and looks at me. “Okay, are you comfortable hanging out for a little bit?” 

“I can.” 

“I’m going to go down to the bar for a few, and then I need to grab a couple things, and I’ll be back,” he says,  talking faster than I think I’ve ever heard him speak. “If that's okay?”

I nod, “I might try to read a little then.” 

He wanders over to sit in front of me again, “are you positive?”

“Mhmm,” I can’t help but chuckle at him a little, “Do what you need to.”

He gets dressed quickly, which is unfortunate for me, before walking over and kissing the top of my head. 

“You promise you’ll be alright?” he asks, squatting down in front of me and instinctively grabbing my free hand, looking up at me, waiting for an answer.

I can’t help but laugh, “Yes, I’ll be okay.” 

“There she is,” he says, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

After he left, I spent a few minutes debating whether to reply to my boss but choosing not to do that while I was still emotional felt like the right option. I curled back into his bed, holding his pillow close to me as I drifted in and out of sleep for a while. Hearing the door open, he was definitely carrying something when the thud of it hitting the door rang through the apartment. I crawled out of his bed and snuck out into the living room. 

“Hi,” I squeak out, feeling oddly excited to see him. 

He turns around, a sweet little smile on his lips, “Hey you.” 

I wander over to the couch, pulling the throw blanket over me while he’s putting things away. 

“Okay, so,  I got us some shitty food to make and some Downeast,”  He looks over at me, holding up his hand out of defense,  “I can cook, but it just felt appropriate for today, alright?” 

“Do you not have to work?” I ask, letting my eyebrows pull together as I stare at him. 

He shakes his head, “That’s why I went down early, so I could be free for the evening.” He took the night off for me? 

“You didn’t have to do that!” 

“No, I know,” he says, his smile making my heart melt, “I wanted to.”  

He practically took the wind out of me with that statement. He wanted to..? He’s far too nice to me. It’s almost like I deflated but in a good way. Nobody has ever cared enough to do something like this..  Not realizing how zoned out I had been until his voice brought me back. 

“Want to pick something to watch, hun?” 

Something about the pet name always makes my body tingle. Last night probably didn’t help.  I know immediately what I want to watch, opening Hulu quickly. 

He wanders over, handing me a drink. 

“What’s the verdict?” He asks, sinking into the couch next to me as I click play. 

“John Tucker Must Die,” I tell him, sipping on my drink before setting it on the coaster near me. I have to tell Josh how cute these are. 

“I don’t think I could tell you the last time I watched this,” he admits. 

“Really? We watch it—” I start to say, but being hit by reality again, “Um... Cass and I would watch it all the time when we’d hang out.” It feels like he can tell that I am having a moment because he quickly grabs my hands. 

“Well then, I apparently have been sleeping on a cinematic masterpiece!” He spits out, making me laugh. He sinks back into the couch, propping one of his legs up on the corner of the coffee table. 

I was readjusting myself a little, partially for comfort but also because he was so close, and I didn’t know what to do with my legs. He glanced over as I was trying to get situated, silently grabbing my ankle and pulling my legs over on top of his. There were those butterflies again. 

The opening segment of the movie showcases how terrible John Tucker really is. Unfortunately, I have wasted plenty of dates on men like him. 

“This dude sucks?” he mumbles. 

Giggling quietly, “Well, you’re not really supposed to be rooting for him, so I’m glad you think so.” 

A few minutes later, Scott Tucker, as we know—he is the better brother—shows up on screen. I look over at Jake. He’s focused on the movie, but his hand is holding my leg, casually running it up my calf, and occasionally giving it a little squeeze. 

Watching him for a minute as he’s focused on the TV, I notice that his expression is naturally so soft. I lean forward, pulling some of the throw blanket over him, not realizing I had the bulk of it. 

“Didn't mean to hog the whole thing,” I giggle as I tell him. I was still trying to toss the excess blanket over him. 

The way his eyes smile when he says, “Well, thank you.” He grabs the edge of it, helping me before bringing his hand back to my ankle. How he keeps some form of contact is so funny to me. It’s very clearly an absentminded thing that he does, and I won’t argue that it isn’t nice that he just wants to be touching me casually. It’s a wildly comforting feeling that I didn’t realize I enjoyed. 

His giggles when John has the estrogen meltdown have my heart melting. Just the organic laugh out of him is such a nice sound, especially after earlier. I’ll take any ounce of serotonin I can get. It takes me a few minutes to focus on the TV and not just look at him because I’d almost rather spend the entire movie watching his reactions. 

“Yeahhhh .. been there, bud,” he mumbles, as John is tripping over his words because Kate’s in red lingerie. He looks over with an exaggerated scowl at me as I bark out a laugh. 

“Hey now,” I start, “You seemed to enjoy it!” 

His mouth falls open, “Of course I enjoyed it? I would have enjoyed it more if I wasn’t behind the bar fighting demons the entire time, you little shit.” 

“Oh, was it so terrible?” I tease him, trying not to laugh. 

He grabs his phone, quickly swiping through our messages and clicking on one of the pictures I had sent. He turns it to face me and slowly blinks at me, “How was I supposed to be okay when you look like THAT?” 

“Okay, maybe it was a little unfair,” I let out through a laugh. 

His eyebrows pull together, “A little? God, I was sweating, honey.” 

There’s that pet name again, and I don’t know what makes the butterflies show up, but they do every time. I pull myself closer to him. He looks over at me, lifting his arm for me to get closer to him. 

Staying pressed against his side, his hand lightly drawing little circles on my arm while one of my hands found comfort on his stomach. Something about him, in general, just made me feel safe. The doom and gloom in my brain seemingly lessen when I'm around him.  

I look up at him as Scott asks her to be his lab partner again, feeling my eyes well up a little. It’s him, isn’t it, Cass? Seeing the way his eyes light up at their interaction before glancing over to me.  

“Oh?” He questions, his eyebrow popping up quickly. 

“No, I’m fine,” I laugh out, trying to blink the tears back into my body. “It’s just sweet.” 

“It is,” he says quietly, holding eye contact for a minute. I feel my heart start to pound as he stares at me. Why am I nervous, like we haven’t kissed before? My eyes wander to his lips just for a second. He really does have such a pretty mouth. It's hard not to admire him when he’s so close. 

His stare drops to my mouth now. This is like the worst game of chicken we could ever play. A smile slowly pulls on the corners of my lips as he gazes at them. 

Clearing his throat he starts to sit up, “Do you want some food?”

“Please, I’m shockingly hungry.” I almost couldn’t respond fast enough. 

After a couple of minutes, I can’t help but move into the kitchen with him. 

“You know,” I start, “it’s really unfortunate that they never kissed at the end.” 

“You think so?” he glances over.  

“Mhmm,” I say, “You can’t tell me you weren’t waiting for it.” Folding my arms over myself, waiting to see if he argues against it. Even though there’s not a good argument against that. 

“Mmmmm...” his voice gets quiet. " It probably would have been a good one, too, huh?” He leans against the counter, holding his hands out to me. 

“I feel like it had to be, right?” I move closer, and he smiles as I take his hands. 

“Maybe something like,” he pulls me into him, “this?” 

His hands held my jaw, pressing his lips into mine. Slowly, we moved against each other, my hands pressing against his chest. He lingers over my mouth for a second; his smile grows as he looks at me. Oh, oh no. The butterflies in my stomach go crazy as he smiles a breath away from me. 

“Yeah, that would work,” I mumble. We’ve kissed countless times at this point; I mean, we literally had sex less than 24 hours ago.. Twice even. Something about him today is making my body react differently.  

The oven beeping scares the shit out of me and brings me back to real life as I flinch, still in his arms. 

We fall back into our regular routine of telling each other little stories that we can recall as he makes food; I’m just physically present rather than watching him through Facetime. And it’s not three a.m. 

Not even eating could stop us from laughing about some ridiculous story he was telling me about him and his brothers as kids. I could listen to his stories all day, how he’s so happy when he’s talking about them.

“Should we watch your favorite now?” I ask quietly.  “It is November now.” 

He beams over at me, “I’ll never turn the opportunity down.” 

He steals my plate away from me once I’m done eating, putting all our dishes in the sink. I watch as he just takes care of everything without question, which only encourages those pesky butterflies. I didn’t know who was in control of my body when I stood up, moving over to him at the sink. 

“You can go get comfy if you want,” he tells me, glancing over.

I shake my head at him, “Not yet.” 

His face was visibly lost, grabbing the towel from behind him to dry his hands off when he turned to me. I move into him, wrapping my arms around him. 

“Oh?” he mumbles against me, pulling me tight into him. I soak in the feeling of his arms and chest against me; it’s becoming one of my favorite feelings, and that’s terrifying. 

We just stood there quietly for a moment until I finally said what had been on my mind. 

“Thank you,” I whisper. 

He leans back to look at me, “For what?” 

“Everything,” I start, “You didn’t have to do all this for me, but.. I just really appreciate it.” And you.

“Sometimes we need people, but we don’t know how to ask for that,” He tells me, his calm tone lacing the words. “You deserved this. I couldn’t just send you to be home alone after that.” 

My throat tightens at his words, and I can feel my breathing get heavier; oh, he’s–. 

His hands rub my back a few times before sliding down the back of my arms; he giggles as he says, “C’mon, let’s go so you can laugh at me for loving this movie too much.” 

Sitting back onto the couch but quickly fell into a more comfortable position this time, pulling a blanket over us and tucking his arm back around me. He’s slumped against the arm of the couch, and one leg stretched out so I can lay against his chest. It’s hard to focus on the movie when I’m listening to his heartbeat in one ear and feeling his hands holding onto me, with the subtle little thumb rubs to remind me that he’s still there. 

“This movie really is good, isn’t it?” I mumble. 

His chest vibrates as he giggles, “I’m glad you agree.” 

The warmth coming from him is comforting, but the sudden heaviness of his arms around me makes me look up. He looks so delicate as he’s drifted off to sleep, sweet boy. I snug back into him, just enjoying the occasional little sounds of his breathing.  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The sound of the door opening startled me awake; I don’t remember falling asleep. I saw Josh and Quinn sliding their shoes off and quietly walking through the apartment. I made eye contact with Josh, sitting up a little to acknowledge him. 

“Hi,” I whisper. 

His grin shines even in the dark, “Well, hello there.” 

“I can wake him up, so you two can do whatever,” I say, not wanting to inconvenience the two of them. 

“Not necessary, love,” he mutters, looking over at his twin, who’s still out cold. “He hardly sleeps before four a.m. Keep him warm, and I’ll see you in the morning.” He shoots me a little wink as he pads off to find Quinn. 

Looking back at this precious sleeping boy, he probably needed the day off. I reach down, grabbing one of the throw pillows that had fallen off the couch. 

“Hey,” I whisper, carefully letting my hand rest on his cheek for a second, “lift your head for me.” Seeing his eyebrows pop up like he didn’t fully hear me.

“Mmm,” is all that comes out of him. His arms pulled me back into him, making me giggle quietly. 

“Jake, let me help,” I laugh out, trying to push myself up again, but he’s tightening his arms around me. Peeking up, he has his eyes closed, but his little grin makes my heart flutter. His silent protest keeps the giggles coming from me. 

“Baby, come on,” slips out; my face warms after calling him that, but his arms relax a bit so I can sit up. “Here, scoot down a little.” He never opens his eyes, but he listens, moving so he should be more comfortable. Slowly, he reaches up, his hand holding my chin and pulling me to him; he gives me one very tired kiss before he mumbles, in the cutest, little, husky tone, “Thank you.” 

“Of course,” I whisper back. I move his leg over so I can squeeze between him and the couch cushions. My leg draped over his, pulling myself into his side and snuggling my face into his neck. His arms tightened around me for a second before I felt his hand run down the back of my head, leaving it there as he kissed my forehead. I can feel his lips smile against me; closing my eyes as a tear sneaks out, hopeful that he doesn’t notice. 

I lay there, listening to his heart slow and his breathing change as he drifts back to sleep. I was just looking at the necklace he had on carefully, trying not to wake him. Occasionally, I softly scratch his chest, just trying to be in the moment, even if the tears are still slowly falling. His hand moved from my side to his stomach, so I decided to take the chance. I grab it and bring it up over his heart with mine, lacing my fingers into his. The sight of it caused a slight smile on my face despite the tears falling this time. 

“Oh, Jacob,” I whisper to him, “what am I supposed to do with you?” 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Seventeen

FDOG Master Post | Masterlist | Playlist

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[gretavangroupie]

VALOR MASTERPOST

Pairing: Jake x Reader, Daniel x Reader, Jake x OC, Daniel x OC

Word Count: 283k+

WARNINGS FOR THIS SERIES: 18+ MINORS DNI - Alcohol, Gambling, Smoking, Marijuana, Cursing, Dramatic Themes, Nightmares. Smut Including: Kissing, Touching, Making Out, Light Degradation, Dirty Talk, Praise Kink, Biting, Fingering, Name Calling, Edging, Unprotected Sex, Digital Penetration, Pet Names, Spanking. Angst Including: Mentions of Drug Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Struggle and Poverty, Suicidal Thoughts, Allusions to Suicide, Mentions of Violence, Emotional Manipulation, Cheating, Abandonment, Jealousy, Mentions of Violence, Mentions of Weapons, Mentions of Death, Fire & Property Loss, Physical Fighting, Blood.

This story is a collaboration with my lovely pal @gretavanmoon.

Valor Playlist: Apple Music | Spotify

Valor Trailer

Chapter List:

Prologue

One

Two

Three

Four

Five Part One | Five Part Two

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine Part One | Nine Part Two

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

Thirteen

Fourteen

Epilogue

[greta-van-chaos]

I Will Possess Your Heart // Part 4

Oliver Reed x Reader

Part 3 < > Part 5 (wip)

Warnings |  Explicit sexual content, oral (m recieving), cursing

Word Count | 3.6k

Authors Note | I take a lot of breaks, I think you guys have caught onto that by now. I don't want to sit here and be like i'm really busy guys, sorry but truly i'm just so busy and my heart hasn't been in writing at all. I want that to change but I can't make any promises. For now, as a peace offering, here is the next part to I Will Possess Your Heart and hopefully the fifth and final part will be releasing very soon after.

The morning slides into the afternoon and the afternoon slides into the night and before you know it, once again you are beneath the covers of Oliver's bed, ear pressed to his chest as you listen to the slow, content beating of his heart. Although he denied his tiredness he has fallen into an easy sleep with you beside him and though anxiety pools in your stomach you refuse to deprive him of the sleep he seems to need so desperately.

You know you should leave, you can't stop thinking about it. Who in their right mind seeks a stranger out in the dead of night due to car troubles and then let's him entertain them for a weekend with sex and booze? It wasn't a normal situation and the guilt was truly getting to you.

For now, you decided, you'd sleep. At this point in the evening there wasn't much for you to do in terms of relieving Oliver of your presence and you weren't even sure he'd want you to go when the time came. So, sleep. It was a problem for future you to sort out.

~

And so, morning came, much faster than you'd have preferred but seeing Oliver still sound asleep, face beautifully calm in the morning light you knew it was time to go.

Reasonably, there is no way, no way at all that you have fallen so deeply for a stranger. You've known him for two days and already you felt an attachment that makes you shiver when you begin to even think of severing it.

Finally, you rise, peeling yourself carefully away from the bed and assuring that Oliver says sound asleep. Before leaving the room though, you move to stand on his side of the bed so you can brush a kiss to his hairline. You feel bad about what you're going to do but you know that if he woke and asked you to stay again, you may not be able to bring yourself to say no.

Once down the stairs, stepping as carefully as you can so as not to make much noise, you begin searching for your phone. You expect not to find it without a fight but there it is, perched on top of your now cleaned and dried clothes that lay folded on Oliver's desk in the living room. Miraculously it still has a charge to it and in an even greater leap of luck you now have cell reception.

Without thinking to hard on the money you're able to set up a tow truck and a ride back into the city where you reside, all things able to be neatly wrapped up before dinner time this evening.

You'd really feel unforgivable if you didn't leave something for Oliver, some sign of life, maybe an apology letter. After a small bit of deliberation you decide to scrawl your number on the legal pad you find at his desk and a short note. You don't feel the need to say much as you really aren't certain of your feelings yet but still, you make sure it's something substantial enough not to leave him with hard feelings.

With that, you gather your belongings, opting to keep the clothes he's lent you and call a car. Not a single sound alerts you that Oliver has stirred awake and for that you are grateful. You'd rather be out and gone without a word, like some specter or ghost, unseen.

The car pulls up within a timeframe you're certain is impossible considering how far out and into the woods you are. Once situated you take one more look at the manor house before your driver pulls away. You swear that in one of the windows on the top floor you can feel Oliver's form, standing, stoic. It takes all of your willpower to turn your cheek and leave without a single whisper of a goodbye.

You're doing what needs to be done. You can't live in a fantasy with a man you barely know. You hope he calls, of course you do but you know it's better for both of you if you're rid of the house now rather than later.

~

Days went by, days and days and days until the days faded to weeks and now, it's been almost three months since you left Oliver's glamourous home. Almost three months since you scrawled your phone number on a notepad atop his desk. Almost three months without a single call. Almost three months since you were forced into the realization that you won't ever be seeing him again.

Huffing you curl your body sideways, allowing your forehead to rest on the chilly glass of the train car you're sitting in. The world moves by in a blur and as you watch you wish the endless slew of city lights would swallow you whole. Ever since you left his house that night, you'd felt empty which almost made you laugh considering you had nothing to build upon apart from the strange situation you had found yourselves in and incredible sex.

An automated bell dings and your stop is called out by a voice that is equally as artificial. Gathering your bag and pulling your coat on a bit tighter you stand to leave. As you approach the doors, which are very slowly hauling themselves open you're robbed of all breathe.

With a dull thud your purse hits the floor, "Oliver?"

His eyes are tired and dim but when he hears your voice they seem to open wider and brighten. "Y/n?"

None other than Oliver Reed is standing at the very end of the train car, following a short line of people to exit the vehicle. The world stops around you and the overwhelming rush of emotions that grasps you keeps you glued to the spot. Hardly aware of people pushing past you to get off the train you take in Oliver's appearance and your heart aches. He's wearing a vest similar to the one he shrugged off after inviting you into his house on that fateful night and a pair of slacks. His hair is neatly brushed unlike the tangled tresses you were so used to. Even as the sky donned the night like a silky, starlit nightgown he wore a pair of oddly cut sunglasses that somehow looked perfect on him but would make anyone else look ridiculous.

Finally your brain catches up and before you realize you're doing it you rush towards him, belongings forgotten on the floor. You stop right in front of him, mere inches away from touching, your hands folded together at your chest, "I never thought I'd see you again."

He huffs out a breath and reaches for you, placing a hand on your cheek. "Neither did I."

As though you've been forced back into your body and made to see out of your eyes you blink away the haze of excitement just enough to remember that you're supposed to be exiting the train. He makes a noise of affirmation when you turn to get your bag and grab his hand, pulling him off the train and into a tight embrace once you're steady on your feet. Both of your hearts are beating fast and hard, as if to escape their confines and meld together, two halves finally whole. Oliver holds you against him and now that you're back in his arms you never want to leave. The cold outside does it's best to chill your exposed skin but the warmth of the man in front of you helps quell the bite.

When he pulls away you step back, blurting out the one thing you couldn't stop thinking about, "You never called."

"I didn't know what to say but--" He sighs and looks at you, forlorn "--please believe me when I tell you that I wanted to. I think I was just... confused."

"I do, I swear. I just wish that you did. I--" You pull yourself into his chest again, pressing your face into the crook of his neck to bite back your words, not ready to fully realize how deep your feelings run. "God, I missed you."

He smells the same as before, warm, sweet and slightly alcoholic. "I've missed you too, love."

You break away for a moment and just stare into each others eyes, the train leaving the station a blurry background noise to your occupied brain. The entire world around you has dimmed and all you know is Oliver, all you feel is Oliver, all you want is Oliver. Without really thinking you thread your fingers through his hair and pull his lips to yours, smiling at the softness of his mouth moving in sync with your own.

When his hands move to your hips and pull you flush against him you smile against his mouth and he hums. It feels perfect.

All of the questions, the worry, the unanswered want, they're all melting away and making room for this moment. You never thought you'd be reunited and now that you are it's sweeter than you could have ever imagined.

"Let me buy you dinner," He mumbles, words muffled against your lips.

"Please."

~

You both walk in silence, the streetlights illuminating the rain speckled road. Apparently Oliver is in town for a movie audition and plans to be around for a few days, the thought that you'll have him nearby for the weekend puts an immovable smile on your lips.

Hand in hand you make your way to a small pub and as soon as you enter you're warmed from the crown of your head to your toes. The lighting is dim and the bar is crowded with people but somehow you're able to find a little booth tucked away in the back. Everything is falling into place as if this moment is destiny. You truly believe that to be so.

Once you've ordered drinks, Oliver places his chin in his hand and gazes upon you with nothing but pure bliss and adoration in his eyes. "It's so fucking good to see you, love. I never thought I'd be able to again."

You look up at him through your lashes and smile bashfully, "I never thought I would either." You still can't shake the hurt of knowing that he was fully capable of contacting you the whole time but chose not to. Clearing your throat you lock eyes with him and press again, "I still don't really understand why you didn't call."

He sighs and looks to the side, avoiding the almost accusatory expression on your face. "I just... I was upset and confused and I really thought that your number may have just been a courtesy. I didn't know if you actually felt the same." The pained look on his face makes you reach out for his hands. You take them in your own and rub circles into the backs of them with your thumbs. His instinct at first is to pull away but quickly he melts into it and lets out a deep breath through his nose.

"I'm sorry."

Completely shattering in the moment the waiter walks over and places your drinks down. Oliver nods his head at the boy and then looks back to you. "So, do you come here often?"

A dumb grin pulls on your lips and you laugh. "I do, in fact. I live just down the street." You cock an eyebrow at him "What brings Oliver Reed to this neck of the woods?"

He looks surprised for a moment before you can see on his face that he realizes he hasn't explained his presence in your city. "I've got brunch with a director tomorrow, I was coming in tonight to stay and get my bearings before we met."

"Funny coincidence that you end up so close to me," you laugh, truly just so happy to be in his presence.

"You've got that right, love. What a surprise to see you on the same train as me, I thought I was hallucinating until you came right up and I could touch you."

"Well, I'm real and I'm right here and I am just as surprised as you."

You both sit in silence for a moment, just staring, taking each other in. What a situation you have found yourselves in, to being on the same train and now to knowing that Oliver will be staying a night in the place you've lived your whole life.

"What do you say we head back to mine after dinner?" You ask without thinking "You could even stay with me for the night if you want. Though I'm sure if you've booked a hotel you'd better stay there..." You trail off, slowly getting quieter and mumbling throughout the sentence but he shakes his head.

"How could I ever say no to you, darling. Let me worry about the hotel and I'll let you worry about leading the way." Letting go of one of your hands that you didn't realize he'd been holding he reaches to sip his drink. Taking the opportunity you run the toe of your shoe up his leg, you hope the gesture is sexy and not awkward. Guessing by the way his eyes darken and how he sets down his glass, you had the effect you were going for. Something about him makes you so much more playful and daring than usual. "I think I might take you up on that sooner than I had anticipated."

"Patience, Oliver, patience." You send him a flirty wink and he just smirks, a million plans of what he could do to you seemingly flashing behind his eyes.

"I'll show you fucking patience doll, just you wait." The look in his eyes has your pressing your thighs together.

You spend the rest of the night drinking and laughing and shamelessly flirting. It feels so natural and now that you've fallen into a rhythm with him you don't want it to stop.

You cash out and leave quicker than you'd anticipated, dragging him down the street. You truly do only live a couple blocks away and in this situation that is more than perfect. You're both itching to get inside.

The whole walk you're both giggling like teenagers and Oliver can't keep his hands off of you, the entire time his arm is firmly planted around your waist, effectively keeping you pressed into his side.

"This is my building, right here" You say, fishing out your keys as you walk up the steps and approach the door. Once unlocked you lead Oliver by the hand to the elevator.

Almost immediately the doors open and as soon as you step in Oliver is on you, pinning you to the wall and kissing your neck. He presses his leg between yours and grips your chin so he can give himself all the room he needs to suck and lick and kiss at your throat. You giggle and pull him off of you just enough to haphazardly throw your hand to the panel of buttons on the wall and hit your floor, all the while his hands are trailing down your top until he can slip them under your shirt and cup your breasts.

"So impatient" You breathe, the words holding the same cadence as a soft moan. Despite your words you thread your hands into his hair to pull him back and grind down on his thigh.

"Seems like you're the impatient one, you and your needy little pussy" He practically growls.

You can feel your cheeks get hot and when he looks down at you you almost melt. Every time your eyes meet it feels like an electric shock.

"I think you like it." You whisper, guiding his mouth to yours by a soft hand under his chin. He releases a content sigh when your lips meet, almost melting completely at having you this close again.

"Oh yeah? and what makes you think that?" His voices is taunting and his breath is warm against you cheek as he breaks the kiss to speak.

Instead of using words you slide the hand that isn't holding his face between your bodies, palming him through his pants. Usually it's him that does the smirking but right now you have the most smug look on your face and he does nothing to challenge it and regain control. A whimper-like sound shakes out of him and he leans into your touch, starting to press his hips harder into your hand as you rub your hand against him faster.

The elevator doors opening makes you both freeze, your bodies eerily still. He rests his forehead against yours and sighs. You're reluctant to break apart but force yourself to in favor of being able to indulge in the privacy of your apartment.

Once again, Oliver's hands refuse to leave your body and when you get to your door he presses himself against your ass, letting you know just how hard he is... as if you weren't already aware. "When that door opens... I'm going to ruin you" He murmurs into your hair.

"Oh I'm counting on it" You throw back, pushing the door open and stepping inside. Instantly following through on his threat he slams the door closed and spins you around, starting to unbutton your blouse. You might have assumed that he'd already been in your apartment by the way he walks you back to the couch without hesitation but you have a feeling that if there was no couch to run into he would've kept walking you back until you ran into something else. He just got lucky, apparently.

When the backs of your knees hit the arm you're almost forced to sit down which brings you level to his belt. You slide back so you can kneel on the couch and then pull him closer by said belt. He abandons any attempt at removing your shirt when he sees you unbuckle it and claw his pants down. You've waited for too long for this, you're not gonna waste any time with pleasantries.

As soon as he is no longer confined to the sleek black boxers beneath his slacks you put your mouth on him. First by flattening your tongue and dragging it along the underside of his cock, then by taking him fully into your mouth. He throws his hips forward at the feeling and hits the back of your throat. You recover quickly and hum around him, bringing one hand up to rest on his stomach.

"My god, you look so fucking hot like this" He mumbles, starting to guide your movements with the hands he's anchored in your hair.

Even after the short amount of time you spent with him you're relishing in everything that is Oliver. You missed it so... the feel of him, the weight of him on your tongue, his moans and breaths and the way his fingers feel dancing over your cheekbones to coax himself further down your throat. He's got you in a trance and you wouldn't have it any other way.

You tenderly rub your thumb over his hipbone, a far more gentle and loving action compared to the way you're lavishing him with your mouth. His hips stutter and you can assume he's already close by how desperate his thrusts have become. At this point he's controlling everything, holding your head in place and guiding himself in and out of your mouth at whatever speed he pleases. You don't mind one bit.

He lets up briefly, pulling away from you and stroking his hand over himself. Spit has managed to smear all over your lips and cheeks and you can feel that your makeup has fallen into a state of disarray. You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and slide your eyes up his body "I've thought about this every single night since I left. I just can't get you off my mind."

That does something for him, maybe the geuninity in the admission or the soft look on your face, you'll never know but he pulls you up by your arms and kisses you deeply. His hands are back in your hair but this time, the way he's holding you feels so different, almost loving, like you'll break if he isn't gentle.

After a beat he pulls back and searches your face. The entire mood has shifted and the air has grown thick with unspoken words. You'd never guess what he says and when it passes his lips you feel so incredibly full of affection, "You're the only thing I've been able to think about. I spent so many nights just staring at that note. I really and truly am so sorry I kept you waiting."

"We're here now," You whisper and then you pause, thinking. "Do you think you would have called if we didn't run into each other today?"

Your arms are around his neck and you're still close enough that if you leaned forward your lips would touch. "I honestly... I don't know. I want to say yes but to be truthful, love, I was fucking terrified."

"Don't be... there's nothing to be afraid of." And that's that, any other words that could've slipped into the sliver of space between your mouths dies in the air as you pull him back in.

Slowly but surely you slide a hand behind you and lower yourself back onto the couch, bringing him with you. You're vaguely aware of him kicking off his shoes as he climbs on top of you, eventually making himself comfortable as your legs fall into place around his hips.

~

One more part left and then these lovebirds will have a complete story. Give me all your thoughts!!! Do we want part 5 and soon?

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[devilat-thedoor]

What Is and What Should Never Be Ch. 4

A/N: I know this one took awhile and i’m sorry. life has been life-ing😅 I don’t know if anyone has really noticed or cared, but for each chapter, I’ve linked a song that heavily inspired the story for me, whether it influenced the specific chapter or just influenced the storyline in general. I’m always listening to music while I write and it’s where i draw a good bit of inspo from. idk. But I really recommend listening to the songs or at least reading the lyrics💖

Word Count: 7.8k

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI. No smut this chapter. Toxic Themes(Fighting/Arguing), A lot of angst and a bit of fluff. Nothing else really? just a general sadness…

…Stay a little longer if you convince me and tell me all the things that you have against me // Every time we make up the truth is fading, everybody’s blind when the view’s amazing...

You pulled the visor down, letting the keys drop into your lap. Your chest felt tight and you fought to keep the tears back, blinking them away as they came. As you turned the car on, you realized that you left your bag beneath the counter and it had your wallet with your license and money and cards, but there was no way you could go back into that place. You looked through the windshield as you put the car in drive and saw Josh barreling through the back door, trying to get your attention. Ignoring his waving hands, you drove out of the lot and went straight home.

“Why are you home?” Bellamy was standing in the kitchen when you came through the door and dropped your keys on their hook, “I thought you didn’t get off until 9?” 

You slipped out of your shoes as you turned to her, “Umm. I wasn’t feeling good, so J- I got sent home…” You walked past her to open the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water, “I’m gonna go lay down.”

She caught your arm before you could exit the space, “Don’t lie to me, Y/N. What’s wrong?” She gripped your shoulders, forcing you to face her, “This is the second time you’ve come home upset and I can’t help but think this time also has something to do with Jake. What is it?”

“Bellamy, it’s nothing, I just want to go to bed.” Your voice cracked as you tried to pull out of her hold.

“It’s not nothing. What did he do?” Concern was etched across her face as she stared at you.

You shook your head, trying to hold the tears back again, “He didn’t do anything, Bell, it was me. I fucked up… You told me from the start not to get caught up in them and I didn’t listen. I did this to myself.” You were embarrassed at letting it get to this point. You should’ve just left them both alone and kept it purely professional.

“Hun, I also told you to have fun…” The guilt was creeping over her but it was quickly replaced by her protective nature over you, “Which one of them were you working with? Who’s there now?”

“No. Bell-“

She cut you off, stepping around you to exit the kitchen, “I just want to talk to him. Which one was it?”

Now you were grabbing her arm to yank her back, “Please, Bellamy.” You let out a sigh, “You can’t fight this one for me. I’ll deal with it, I just- Not right now. I wanna forget about it until tomorrow.”

“Okay. Fine.” She released a sigh, nodding her head as she allowed you to exit the room.

You strolled into your bedroom, clicking the door shut, and went straight to your closet. Stripping out of your work clothes, you reached for the one article of clothing that you always sought solace in; Your dad’s old, blue Penn State college hoodie. It was littered with teeny holes and fraying seams, the nittany lion logo peeling away from the fabric, but it still smelled like him. You pulled it over your head, the hem falling to your mid thigh, and held the sleeves over your face to breathe in the familiar and comforting scent.

Grabbing your phone from the dresser, you flicked the light off, crawled into bed and checked your notifications. There was a single message from Josh but nothing from Jake.

Josh 7:21pm: Did i cross a line? What is going on with you and jake?

You 8:02pm: I crossed the line. I’m sorry.

You didn’t wait long enough for a response, just plugged your phone in after turning on Do Not Disturb and laid it facedown. You picked up your laptop from beside the nightstand, opening it up to play some music. After clicking play on a playlist, you put the laptop down beside you and curled deeper into the mattress. The soft organ notes of the first song floated through the room, Cold Heart Killer by Lia Marie Johnson, the lyrics immediately plaguing you with thoughts of Jake.

But my friends keep saying he’s a cold heart killer

Make you crazy, yeah, he’s smooth as liquor

So damn dangerous, I got too close

Oh, I should’ve known better…

You really should have known better but even now, after the constant back and forth, after what he said, the idea of him was still enticing. Pulling the duvet up to your chin, you closed your eyes and willed your brain to conjure up thoughts of anything else, anyone else, but it was no use. Your mind kept wandering back to the night you spent with him, waking up with him, your body longing for the feeling of his draped over it. You gave up on fighting the thoughts and let them run wild until you inevitably fell asleep.

💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿💿

“Y/N…” Bellamy’s hand was on your back, shaking you awake, “Hey, Jake is here to see you.”

A soft hum vibrated from your chest as you peeked an eye open, not quite registering what she was saying, “M’sleeping, B.” You pulled the blanket up over your head to partially block out the morning light but also to make her go away.

She yanked the comforter away, whisper-yelling, “Jake is in the living room…”

You rolled over, wide-eyed, “No. Get him out.” Sitting up, you pulled yourself from the bed.

“What am I supposed to tell him? He knows you’re here, Y/N!”

Now you were yelling in a hushed tone, “Tell him that I don’t want to see him. Tell him that he’s a fucking dickhead! I don’t give a fuck, Bell, just make him leave.” You pointed at the door to get your point across and watched her slip out and pull it shut behind her. Raking a hand through your hair, you let out a sigh and reached to pull your phone from the charger when your door was flinging open.

“Dude, what the hell is your malfunction?!” You heard Bellamy yell before the door slammed shut and drowned out her shouting.

You whipped around, knowing exactly who you were about to face, “Did you not get the message? Leave.” 

He stood just a few feet away from you, those stupid sunglasses covering his big, dumb, brown eyes and his annoying, soft mouth drooped into a frown. He lifted his hand, holding your bag up, “You left this at the shop…” He was looking around your room and you weren’t sure if it was just out of curiosity or because he was trying to avoid your eyes.

“And you couldn’t just leave it with Bellamy? You had to bring it to my room?” Your tone was growing louder and you thought you saw him flinch, “Or better yet, why bring it at all, Jake? Why make the special trip down here for a whore? That’s what I am, right?”

“No. Y/N-”

“No? But that’s what you said, hun…” You were sure you looked crazy with your wild sleep hair and angry eyes, “I’m just a fucking whore who gets on her knees for everyone, according to you.” You released a humorless laugh as you turned away from him, “Yanno, my dad always said all a man’s got in life are his balls and his word and he shouldn’t break ‘em for nobody…So don’t take it back now, Jake. Own the fuck up to it.”

“Can we just have a conversation like adults? Are you capable of that or does everything have to be a goddamn fight with you?” He grabbed your shoulder, spinning you to face him again, “I wanted-”

You were cutting him off again, ripping yourself from his touch, “Fuck you! I don’t care what you wanted and you made it blatantly obvious that you don’t care what I want.” Your voice dropped, cracking a bit as your emotions became overwhelming, tears prickling in your eyes., “Why are you here, Jake?” You brought your hands up to your face, trying to stop the tears from falling. When he didn’t answer, you dropped your hands to see him coming towards you. He was grabbing your waist with one hand, the other curling around the back of your neck, as he collided his lips with yours. You instantly melted into him, moving your mouth against his without a thought as your fingers desperately searched for any sliver of his skin they could find. He was pulling you in tighter, his thumb pressing into your hip, when you finally realized what was happening. You flattened your palms on his torso and forced him away, “Stop it- Just-”

“Y/N, please…” He reached for you again, but you threw your arms up, blocking his hands.

“Don’t touch me… I want you to leave.” You could hear your voice shake with every word, but you tried to remain stern, “I don’t want to see you anymore, Jake, just let me be.” You finally started crying, unable to hold it back anymore, “Can you please just leave me alone? I can’t do this anymore, I can’t- I need you to leave.” You sat on the bed, letting your head hang as you stared at the floor, watching the hardwood collect the salty droplets from your cheeks.

He stayed rooted in place for a minute or so and you could feel his eyes boring into you, begging you to just look at him and tell him to stay. You saw his old, filthy vans turn around, followed by the sound of the bedroom door opening, “I didn’t mean it, peach. I’m sorry…” Your head snapped up at his dejected voice, but he was already gone, leaving the door to hang open as he left you alone. Just like you asked…

“God, he’s a real piece of work.” Bellamy came into the room after a few moments and found you crying, “Oh babe…” She rushed to your side, sitting down on the bed to hold you, “What did he do?”

“Bell, I just want my dad…” You leaned into her, letting your tears soak into her shirt, “I d-don’t kn-know what to do.”

She took one of her arms away from you to pull her phone from her pocket, “I know, Y/N. Hang on…”  After a few seconds, you heard the facetime calling tone coming from her cell, “It’s not the same, but it’s the best I can do, babe…”

You raised your head just as Bellamy’s dad picked up, “Hey, hon- Oh, it’s both of my girls! How are you guys?” Mr. Cole’s jovial greeting brought a tiny smile to your face.

“We’re okay. Umm… Y/N could really use some advice, dad.” She angled the phone in your direction.

His eyes focused on you through the blurry pixelation, “Awwe, sweet pea, what are you crying for?”

Your heart warmed at the nickname; Your dad graced you with it when you were three years old and took it upon yourself to pick all of the flowers from your mother’s garden. You held them tight in your grasp, running to find your mom on the back porch and presenting what you thought would be a nice gift, Mommy, look what I got for you! When she saw you, covered in soil with fistfuls of the tiny, pink blooms, she was furious. She yelled and threw a tantrum about her precious flowers, but your dad just smiled as he pulled you to the side  of the house and turned the hose on to clean your little fingers off. He looked at your mother with a gentle smile and said, “We can always plant more, honey… But this sweet pea? She’s irreplaceable.” He pinched your chubby cheeks and left a soft kiss on your head and the name stuck. Even after a few years of him being gone, Bell and her family still kept the nickname alive for you.

“I really messed up, papa Cole… Dad would be so disappointed with me.” You put your head in your hands again, shaking with soft cries.

“No, Y/N. There is nothing you could ever do to disappoint him.” He paused, only speaking again once you brought your attention back to the phone, “You were the world to him, his perfect, little sweet pea blossom.” His voice held a solemn tone now, “Talk to me about what’s hurting you, honey.”

After a few more sniffles, your eyes flicked to Bellamy and she gave a gentle, reassuring nod. You know she was dying to know what was going on so she could help. You looked down at your fingers, twisting them together as you started to unload on your best friend and her dad, leaving out the moment in the parking garage, for obvious reasons. “...And Jake saw me kissing Josh and he said some really shitty things…and maybe I deserved it, yanno?” You shrugged, confused by your own feelings, “He made me feel disgusted with myself, but I…can’t stop thinking about him. Part of me still likes him and I hate myself for it…And I like Josh too, of course I like him. He’s so sweet and he’s funny and he doesn’t make me insane, but I just-.” You couldn’t find the right words to describe what you were feeling, but Mr. Cole and Bell both listened to your ramblings with no judgment. “God…I can’t even imagine what dad would say.”

You could tell Bellamy had so much she wanted to say, but her dad spoke up first, “I think he would say that you went with your gut and you shouldn’t punish yourself for that. You may have made a few missteps, but that’s life, Y/N. You can either make decisions with your heart or your head, and though the outcomes may be different, neither choice is wrong… Now given what the boy said, I can confidently say that your father would’ve made him eat his words and his teeth.” He released a soft chuckle. It was times like this when you realized just how close he and your dad were. He could form sentences to sound exactly the same way your father would put them, “Girls, I have to get back to work but you can call me later. I love you both.”

“Love you, dad! I’ll call once you’re home, I wanna see mom too.” She hung up the call after you waved bye and mumbled a ‘love you.’

You flung your arms around your best friend, pulling her backwards to fall into the mattress with you, “Thank you for sharing your dad, B…and thank you for just being you. I wouldn’t be able to get through life without you.” You planted a hard peck on her cheek, making sure to pop your lips when you pulled away.

She forced a grimace as he wiped the wet splotch from her face, “Pea, my dad loves you like you’re his own, hell you practically are. I don’t think of it as sharing. You’re my sister, you know that.” She rolled on top of you, grasping your face to return a sloppy peck to the middle of your forehead, “I’m gonna make some breakfast. You hungry?” She popped up from the bed, heading for the door.

“No. I’m gonna shower and try to get my shit together.” You pushed yourself to stand and snatched your phone from the nightstand. The screen illuminated as you pulled the charging cord, showcasing a few text notifications. You pulled the old hoodie off and folded it, tucking it back into the safety of your closet for the next time you’ll need it, and made the short walk to your bathroom. Allowing the water time to heat up, you finally opened the new messages, three from Josh, one from Jake…

Josh 8:11pm: Y/N i wanted that kiss but if there’s something between you and my brother then tell me. Why did he say that?

Josh 8:32pm: Can you at least answer me to tell me you made it home okay? You were crying when you left

Josh 12:02am: Okay I’m trying to give you space but I’m going a little crazy worrying about you Y/N please

A new kind of pain rippled through your chest at his messages and you knew you owed him an explanation.

You 10:56am: I’m sorry, Josh. I didn’t mean to worry you. I made it home and just went to bed early. There was something with me and Jake or at least I thought there was. I never should’ve kissed you the first time, it wasn’t fair to either of you. I’m just really confused about my feelings.

You hit send and swiped out of the thread to read Jake’s single message, only it wasn’t a text, it was a voice message. Your heart dropped into your stomach as you clicked play to listen, his slurred speech coming through the speaker.

Jake 2:35am: *inaudible grumbling* … Youuuu… ha ha…. You really have me soooo *hiccup-burp* so fucked up… I don’t know hoooow you do it, peach…ha ha ha ha…peeeeeach. *glass clattering* You love it when I call you th-that. My sweet pea- *hiccup* My sweet peach… But you’re not miiiiine, are you? Nooooo. Naaaah. You’re too good for me…drive me fucking craaaazy, baby… *childish giggle* You and that goddamn mouth…just love to… press… my but- *droning snore* Shit…*more grumbling* ha ha. She…loves it…

What the fuck…

You listened to it again. And then again. The bathroom was filled with steam by the time you put your phone down and stepped into the shower. His message continued to replay in your head, the nauseating rush of butterflies growing more powerful each time you thought over it. You had him fucked up??? Did he even know what kind of effect he had on you? You finished washing up and pulled a towel around you to go back to your room. Sitting on the edge of your bed, you let his voice play one more time, catching on one thing that hit you with a head rush; Your nickname. Albeit accidental, caught in a boozy hiccup, but it was there. Spoken through Jake’s lips with that intoxicating rasp that made you weak in the knees. But it didn’t matter… None of it mattered anymore because you sent him away, told him to leave you be and that’s what he did. Would you have acted differently if you’d heard his message before he’d shown up? You shook your head, trying to dispose of the thoughts altogether, and started getting dressed.

When you walked into the kitchen, Bellamy was sitting on the counter, eating a bagel, “Hey, babe…” She mumbled cautiously around her bite of food.

You looked up at her as you pulled the fridge open, “What’s up?”

“Would you be like…upset if maybe…Sam came over later?” She lifted her shoulders, bracing for you to tell her that you would absolutely be upset, but it was the complete opposite.

You chuckled at her, “Bell, of course not.” Grabbing a string cheese, you closed the door and leaned on the counter beside her, “I love that weird little guy.” There was a pause and you turned your head to see her smiling shyly as she typed on her phone, “You like him don’t you?”

She looked up at you, her smiling growing, “I think I do, Y/N. Don’t tell him that, I can’t let it go to his head.” She bumped your shoulder with her own, laughing quietly, “We’ve been hanging out a lot when our schedules line up. Most of his classes are either early morning or early afternoon. He goes to CCA.”

“Oh yeah, you said he’s majoring in photography, right?”

“Yeah! He’s actually really fucking talented too…Hang on.” Bellamy held her phone up, opening instagram to find his account, “Look at these pictures, they’re unreal.”

You took the phone from her and scrolled through the array of photos. A mix of landscapes and portraits, even a few wildlife. You were quickly noticing how much he favored film over digital, but nevertheless, his talent was undeniable. Scrolling for a few more seconds, you were about to give her phone back when one portrait grabbed your attention. You tapped on the tiny square to get a full view. Jake. A black hat, wild hair and an intimidating glare, his eyes staring straight into the lens. He looked exactly like the Jake you knew, yet different…younger maybe? You slid out of the app and handed your friend the cell, “You’re right, he does have talent. Those are all amazing.” You looked away, peeling the wrapper from your string cheese.

She clicked on instagram again, the screen popping right back to the photo of Jake, “Don’t do this to yourself, sweet pea… He doesn’t deserve you, not with the way he treats you and definitely not after what he said.” She jumped down from the counter with a sigh, “You have to understand that, babe. You are worth so much more than what he’s reducing you to.”

You wanted to argue, to tell her that he wasn’t the guy she thinks. He was sweet in his own warped and twisted way. She thought he was sadistic…maybe he is…but not always. Not in the way he held your hand or how he always made sure you had lunch when you worked with him. The way his tongue would beg for permission before slipping against your own…But arguing was no use, she made up her mind about him, “Yeah, Bell. I know…I uhh- I’m gonna go get a coffee and maybe check out a few of the local shops.” You turned away and stalked out of the kitchen, wanting nothing more than to escape everything for a bit, “I’ll be back later. Love you.”

After getting your coffee, you wandered through the streets, slipping in and out of different locally owned stores. You found a cute little thrift store that you wound up spending over an hour in, sifting through vintage t-shirts and knick knacks that could be considered relics. When you finally started your trek back home, it was slipping into early evening. The apartment was too quiet when you entered and you found Bellamy napping on the couch. Deciding to let her be, you went into your room and followed suit, stripping out of your clothes to pull on an oversized tee and some boxer shorts, and fell into bed for a nap of your own. You opened your music app and clicked on your ‘Dad’s Favorites’ playlist, being met with the distortion heavy opening of War Pigs by Black Sabbath. Placing the phone on the opposite side of the bed, you snuggled beneath the warm blanket and allowed yourself to drift.

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*bzzbzzzzzbzzbzz*

You woke up to the feeling of your phone vibrating beside your head. Snatching it up from the pillow, you squinted through tired eyes, focusing enough to swipe the button and lay the device over your ear with a groggy, “Hello?”

“Y/N, hey…You answered…”

You shot up into a sitting position, pulling the phone in front of your face to be sure it was who you thought. Slowly bringing it back to your ear, you squeezed your eyes shut, “Josh… What’s up?” You tried to sound normal but you’re sure he could hear the anxiety in your voice.

“I wanted to apologize for not texting you back earlier, the store was slammed all day. We did really good in sales, but the order is gonna be a bitch to put away next friday.” The casual conversation threw you off a bit, but you were lying if you said it wasn’t comforting.

Your nerves eased at his usual joyous tone, “That’s great about the sales, though. And if you need me to come in to help out with the delivery, I’d be more than happy to, Josh.”

“Y’know, I might hold you to that, especially since I don’t know where to pick up with your organizing in the storage room.” You could hear his smile through the phone, but then there was a shift, “Hey, listen…” You braced yourself for what was coming, staying silent, “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable about anything. I like you, Y/N… You’re cool as hell and such a sweetheart. But if there’s business between you and Jake, I’ll step back.”

You released the breath you didn’t realize you were holding, “I like you too, Josh, really…and not just as my boss, but-” You took a pause, not really sure what to say, “It just that- Jake and me, whatever it is or was…it’s unresolved and I don’t know where we stand right now.” You dropped your voice to a whisper, the bleak shame settling in, “I made a complete mess of everything and I don’t know how to begin to fix any of it…”

“There’s nothing to fix with me, consider the slate clean. As for him… Jake is easy. Just ask him.” He stated it so plainly, like it was the most obvious answer, “I know he wears his bad guy mask pretty well, but it’s just an act. He’s not good when it comes to feelings ever since-.” He stopped like he was about to share something sacred, “He just has a hard time dealing with his emotions. You have to push a bit and he will push back, but he can only fight for so long. I promise, I know exactly how he is.”

“I don’t know…” You fell back against the pillows, talking to Josh like he was your middle school best friend, “He’s so confusing, Josh. Just when I start believing that he likes me, he’s saying mean things or he’s flirting with Olivia. I just can’t help but feel like he only serves to hurt me.” You sat up again, realizing how shitty all of this probably was for him to hear, “Fuck. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-”

He was quick to shut you down, “Don’t fucking apologize. This is the shit friends talk about. We’re friends, aren’t we?” He let out a breathy laugh and put on a valley girl accent, almost like he was mocking Olivia, “Baaabe, like, you know that, you can tell me, like anyyyything.” When he heard you giggling he broke character, “Okay, seriously, Y/N. Just talk to him and find out where his head is at. If not for yourself, do it for me…If he doesn’t want what you’re selling, I know somebody who’s dying to take it off the market.” He was laughing again, a sweet, melodic sound, “Listen, I gotta get everything cleaned up for closing but I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

You were smiling wide, feeling the hot blush spread across your face, “See you tomorrow, boss… and thank you, Josh. This- I like being able to talk to you, it’s nice.”

“Feelings mutual, Y/N. Goodnight.” He hung up the phone before you could respond.

Pulling the phone from your ear, you checked the time, feeling a comforting warmth spread through your body. 8:39pm. You slept a lot longer than you wanted to, but you felt great after the conversation with Josh. Flinging the duvet from yourself, you rolled out of bed and heard voices coming from the living room. You stretched your limbs as you remembered that Bellamy invited Sam over and made your way out to say hi. They were both on the couch, Sam leaned back with his bare feet kicked up on the coffee table and Bell, stretched across the cushions, with her legs over his. You stepped closer, making your presence known, “Made yourself right at home, huh, Sam?” You said it with a laugh so he would know you were joking.

“I actually did, yes. The moving truck is downstairs, I was waiting for you to wake up to help carry the big stuff.” He flipped his palms up with a shrug, “I’m surprised you’re not spending the night with Jake since he has tomorrow off.”

Bellamy pulled her legs from his lap to sit up, smacking his arm, “You’re brother is a dickhead, Sammy. She’s done with him.” She said it with finality, like she was making the decision for you.

He dropped his feet to the floor, looking from her to you, “Wait, what did I miss? Weren’t you guys like-.” He poked his fingers together, making kissy noises.

“I thought we were, but shit happens, I guess?” You dragged a hand over your face with a sigh.

Bellamy popped up, “He made her think that he liked her and then practically called her a whore. Not to mention the way he flirts with that other girl.” She shuffled around his legs to walk to the kitchen, “I’m gonna grab another beer, do you want one, babe?” She pointed at him, receiving a nod in return as she disappeared through the doorway.

When you turned back to him, his eyes narrowed, giving you a questioning stare and prompting you to tell him what happened, “Look, Sam, I don’t know, okay? We hangout, have fun, and then he changes in a flash and becomes this malevolent force that just loves to jumble my brain. I can’t do it, the back and forth, it’s- He’s fucking twisted but…I still feel this pull towards him, I hate it.”

Sam sat up straight on the couch, “He’s got some shit to work out, that’s for sure… And I don’t know all sides to the story, but there’s something you have to understand about Jake.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he looked up at you, “He’s barely even looked at a woman since his last girlfriend. Yeah, he flirts, he’s had hookups, but it’s never serious, not to him.”

“Nothing excuses what he said, Sam.” Bellamy chimed in as she came out of the kitchen, “He’s been treating her like trash since the minute he met her. Brother or not, you can’t sit here and defend him.” She handed him the IPA and sat down beside him.

“Bellamy, just let him talk. I wanna hear this.” You sunk into the chair opposite the couch and turned your attention back to Sam, “What were you saying?” You ignored your best friend’s scoff as you encouraged him to continue.

Twisting the cap from his bottle, he took a long drink before speaking up, “I’m not defending him. I just think there’s a reason that he’s acting like this.” He took another drink and placed the beer on the table, “His last girlfriend, Ivy, she really fucked him up. They were together for four years, really fucking lovey dovey.” Sam shook his head as he recalled, “We all kind of thought they were a forever deal, even mom and dad. Jake was so deep in love, he talked about moving across the country with her because she wanted to live in New York… Two years in and he was gonna drop his entire life to stay close to her.” He paused, scratching his chin, “He’ll kill me for telling you this.”

“Sam, please. Help me understand.” You stood up again, pacing back and forth, “Explain to me what I could’ve done for him to treat me like this, because I can’t keep forgiving his behavior. He’s letting me in, making me feel like he might really want me, just to push me away again. Over and over, and I can’t do it, I won’t.” You were rambling out of pure anxiety and frustration, “It’s not fair… I made it clear that I liked him, that I wanted him. We had fun on his birthday…at least I thought we did. We stayed up all night, completely wrapped up in one another, then the next thing I know, he wakes up a completely different person and kicks me out? I mean, what the hell was that?” You stopped to take a breath and Sam was quick to raise a question.

“Wait, you- He let you stay the night?” His confusion was clear as you nodded your head, “Like, slept in the same bed?”

Now you were confused, “Yeah… He begged me to stay. Not that he really had to.” Your shoulders dropped in defeat, “It was kind of sweet, when I woke up, I mean.” A faint smile appeared as you remember the warmth of his body draped over you, “He was out cold, laying on top of me. Fuck, he was like, clinging to me. But then he woke up and it was like a switch flipped… He pushed away from me, wouldn’t even look at me. I tried to ask him what was wrong, he gave some bullshit excuse and practically told me to get the fuck out.” You wrapped your arms around yourself as you stood in the middle of the room.

Bellamy stood up and came over to you, “He kicked you out after you slept with him? Why didn’t you tell me that when I picked you up, babe?” She was mad, that was clear, “I would have went straight up there and beat his ass. What an asshole!”

“We didn’t have sex…” Your voice was quiet as you stared out to the balcony, “But we still did things… That’s why I didn’t say anything. I felt used and I was embarrassed, Bell…”

“You didn’t sleep with him and he still let you stay? All night?” Sam was standing now too, trying to connect the pieces.

You released a huff of annoyance at having to repeat yourself, “No, I didn’t sleep with him and yes, I stayed all night. We made out, cuddled, wrestled a little bit and listened to music and then we fell asleep in the same bed, wrapped up in each other. Any more questions?” Pulling away from your friend, you stalked towards the sliding door to get a breath of air.

“He likes you, Y/N… Like, really fucking likes you.” Sam let out a chuckle and you turned around to glare at him, “No, I’m serious! It makes sense now!”

“No it doesn’t, Sam! Nothing makes sense!”

He flinched at your loud tone, “It does though…” He held his hands up in defense, waiting for you to lash out, but you stayed quiet, allowing him to explain, “Jake doesn’t let himself get close to anyone anymore. Not since Ivy. He barely hooks up, but when he does, it’s always some girl he meets in a bar that he knows he’ll likely never have to see again and he’s sending them home the minute he’s finished. Then here you come.” He was smiling like he solved an impossible puzzle, “I knew something was up with him. That day that I met you, when you came into the store and he forced me out?” You nodded to let him know that you remembered, “He was off his game. Normally, nothing can bother Jake, he’s always so sure of himself. But he was messing things up, putting shit where it didn’t go, and just overall in a shitty mood. Kept checking his phone and staring at the clock… Then you came in and there was this shift. For someone who doesn’t know him, it wouldn’t have been noticeable, but I noticed.”

You thought back on it for a moment, “You said he was on edge because of me…I wanted to ask what you meant but he was shoving you out the door before I got the chance.”

“I just kind of forgot all about it, but him sleeping with you- or not sleeping with but- well, you know what I mean.” He was waving his hands to get his point across, “Anyways… You said he kicked you out in the morning?” Nodding your head slowly, you told him about the entire interaction you had with his brother that Sunday morning, “He got freaked out. That’s it, I’m telling you!”

“Freaked out about what? He woke up with the same girl he asked to spend the night. What is there to get freaked out about?” Bellamy stared at Sam with her eyebrows raised high, clearly frustrated.

He slapped his palm over his forehead, “How can I simplify this…” He took a deep breath, “Jake hasn’t wanted anything past sex with women for two years. After Ivy, he changed. He-he’s closed off, doesn’t let anyone in, doesn’t let himself get close to people or let people get close to him. Ivy fucked him up, destroyed his trust.” He was talking with his hands, waving them around as he explained, “But he likes you and he refuses to admit it to himself. That’s why he freaked, because when he woke up, all cuddled up with you, it scared him. He’s afraid to get close to you because he thinks you’re gonna hurt him just like she did, Y/N.” Sam tossed himself onto the couch with a grin, proud of himself for cracking the case.

You let it all soak in, but something was still digging at your brain, “What did Ivy do to him, Sam?” You didn’t know what Jake was like before, but the way his little brother described it, she must’ve done a good bit of damage.

“That’s something he’s gonna have to tell you himself, it’s not my place.” He shrugged, leaving it at that, before grabbing Bellamy’s hand to pull her down on his lap, “Sorry, Y/N.”

You were fiddling with your fingers in silence for a few minutes while they both stared at you, completely lost in your own head. Your eyes went back to the balcony door as you gazed out at the city lights and then you were moving, heading for the front door and slipping your vans on. Bell called after you, asking what you were doing, but you just grabbed your keys from the hook and left.

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“Come on…” You had been standing outside for at least 20 minutes, waiting for somebody to come through the front door of the building so that you could slip in. You tried calling Jake multiple times, but he would just send you straight to voicemail every time. Just as you were about to give up completely, by some stroke of luck, a man was coming outside. You rushed to get into the door before it shut and went straight for the stairwell, running up to Jake’s floor. When you made it to his door, you hesitated, wondering if what you were doing was a bad idea. Pushing the nerves aside, you shook out your hands to wrangle your nerves before leaving three knocks against the door. You could hear him shuffling around inside, but he wasn’t answering the door. You knocked again. No Answer. Refusing to leave without talking to him, you reached for the doorknob, chancing it with a slight twist. You were surprised when it turned and the door popped open, “Jake?” You said it quietly, unsure if you should have gone in at all. Closing the door softly, you walked a little further in, calling his name a bit louder, “Jake…”

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He came out of the kitchen and walked by you, straight into the living room, making no move to send you back out, “How did you get in?”

You kicked your shoes off by the door and went after him, “You weren’t answering and it was unlocked. You ignored my calls… I need to talk to you.”

Jake was slumped into the couch, a bottle of bourbon in his hand, “Now you wanna talk. Convenient.” He scoffed, lifting the bottle to his mouth for a short chug, “You said you didn’t wanna see me, told me to leave you alone. So I did. Now you can repay that fucking courtesy.” His voice was calm, not the slightest hint of aggression despite his words.

You inched closer until you were standing at the end of the couch, looking down at him, “Tell me about Ivy.” You watched his eyes go wide as he swallowed hard, “What did she do to you, Jake?”

“Who the fuck- I’m gonna kill Josh.” He sat up, slamming the bottle on the coffee table with a bang, “There’s nothing to tell. It’s in the past and it’s nobody’s fucking business.” Now his chest was rising and falling hard, angry huffs pushing through his nose.

You didn’t come here to upset him, you came for clarity and he was the only one who could provide it. You put on the softest tone you could muster, “Baby, look at me…” His eyes flashed to you, a sad vulnerability in them that made your heart ache, “Why do you pull me in just to push me away? Tell me what she did, Jake, please.” He started to shake his head as you took a seat beside him, but you reached down, carefully taking his hand in yours, “How did she hurt you?”

He stared down at your hand wrapped around his, your thumb rubbing over his knuckles, “She left. That’s all people do is fucking lie and then leave.” He picked the bottle back up for another drink.

“Jake, I’m not leaving. I’m-“

“But you still lied, Y/N! You fucking lied right to my face!” His tone made you wince.

You pulled your hand from his, taking his face instead, “You’re right, I did. I’ll own up to that, Jake. I lied and I’m sorry.” You tilted his head, forcing him to look at you, “I can’t take that back, but you have to know it was only twice. I kissed him before I came into work and I don’t know why I did it, but then he came back and it happened again and I just-… You have my mind so messed up.” You watched him roll his eyes, ready to argue, “I’m not blaming you, I made the choice, that was all me. But you’re not entirely innocent either.”

He gripped your wrists gently, removing your hands from his skin, “I don’t know what you want me to say. What do you want to hear, Y/N?” He was lifting the bottle back to his lips when you snatched it from his hands.

“I just want the truth, Jake! You fucking string me along and just when i start to fall a little bit for you, thinking you might catch me, you cut the fucking string and leave me to fall on my face.” You put the bottle on the far end of the table, away from him, “If Sam’s right and you’re just afraid that I’ll hurt you, then tell me that. But if it’s all just some game, then it’s over. You don’t get to question me about what I’m doing or who I’m doing it with, it’s not fair!” Your voice was rising out of pure frustration, but he remained quiet, staring at the floor, “Tell me what you want, Jake… If you want me to leave, I will walk out that door right now and you’ll never have to see me again.” You waited for him to say something, anything, but he was silent, still avoiding your gaze, “Okay… I’ll text Josh my resignation.” Standing from the couch, you looked down at him, giving him one more chance before heading for the door.

Just as you slid your shoes on and grasped the doorknob, his hand was grasping onto your shirt, tugging you backwards, “Please don’t go.” His big brown eyes were pleading with you, holding all the emotions that his words couldn’t carry, “It’s not a game… Not anymore. I-.” He paused, fighting to find what he wanted to say, “I’ll tell you about her, just- Not tonight… Don’t make me talk about it tonight, peach.” He sounded so deflated, the complete opposite of the Jake you’d come to know.

“Okay.” Your hands went to his arms, sliding up over his shoulders to cup his face, “We don’t have to talk about her tonight, baby, it’s okay.” You kept a gentle tone, guiding your arms around his neck to pull him into an embrace. Despite the tension keeping his body stiff, you held him close, “Do you want me to stay, Jake?”

His movements were hesitant, but he slowly brought his arms up, circling them around your waist, “I do.” His face was buried in your neck as he mumbled the two words.

“Are you still gonna want this in the morning?” It came out a whisper.

“I will.” His body finally began to relax against you, “Promise. That night you stayed, my birthday…” His was still murmuring against your throat, “I slept so well. For the first time in so long.” He was tightening his arms around you as the confession spilled from his mouth.

“Then why did you kick me out?” You brought your hands back to his shoulders, trying to push him away so you could look at him, but his grip remained locked.

Jake released a soft sigh, “That shirt you picked to wear- the old store shirt… That’s the one she always reached for.” His lips were tickling over your skin as he spoke in a solemn tone, “When I woke up, I was groggy. I saw the shirt, your body underneath me…felt like the last time I woke up with her and it made me sick.” He finally lifted his head from your neck, meeting your eyes, “When I came out of the bathroom, I wanted to tell you to stay but the look on your face… I knew you’d want an explanation and I couldn’t-.”

“Whatever she did, whatever pain she caused you,” You held his liquor-blushed cheeks, “I’m not here as a reminder, let me help you forget it, Jake… Just let me in.”

“I’ll try” He let his head fall back into the crook of your neck, letting the silence take over as he breathed you in. You held onto him, pulling your fingers through his tangled hair, until he finally spoke up again, “Can we go to bed, peach?”

His arms tightened around your waist again as he lifted you from the floor. You wrapped your legs around him, keeping a grip on his shoulders as you whispered, “Yeah, baby. Let’s go to bed.” Allowing him to carry you into his bedroom and kick the door shut behind him.

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[kissingkiszka]

The Sweet Symphony - Chapter Seven: Interviews & Cocktails

Jake Kiszka x Reader series

Words:5.2k+

Summary: After Jake comes close to risking it all at an interview, he takes reader out on a romantic date.

CW: MDNI, 18+, smut, fluff, drinking, cursing, talks of sex, h!ckeys, daddy k!nk, pet names, degradat!on k!nk, teasing, masturbat!on, unsolicited flirtation, dom male, I think that’s it

Masterlist

Sorry for the late post, I saw GVF this weekend and it was so much fun :)

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In the morning, Jake woke you up quite early. He stood in his bedroom, looking at himself in the mirror while he buttoned up his shirt. It was quite a view to behold. He turned to you, noticing you had awoken.

“Goodmorning, my sleeping beauty.” he walked closer to the bed.

You rubbed your eyes and sat up slightly. “Goodmorning.” you said through a yawn.

He left a tender kiss on your cheek. “I ordered coffee and donuts to the house. They’ll be here soon.”

“Thank you. You're so thoughtful.” You smiled.

“I have to leave for my interview soon. Will you be okay here?” he asked, rubbing cologne on his wrists and neck. The smell spread around the entire room. His seductive scent had always gotten the best of you, in the short time that you’d known him. You continued to take in the scent of his musky cologne, not registering a word he was saying. “Can you let yourself out?”

You snapped back to reality, “Mhm.” you nodded.

He put on his coin necklace, one that had to be his favorite by the amount he has worn it. “Josh is calling me, I gotta go.” He gives you one more kiss. “I’ll see you tonight, my love.”

You watch as he leaves, already missing his alluring & charming presence. You lay back down, the feeling of his bedsheets surround you. You help but take a deep breath, inhaling the fabric that smells just like him.

You feel your eyes becoming heavy as you begin to drift back to sleep. His natural scent on the sheets engulf you. You feel at peace. Then his doorbell rings.

Jake’s POV

Walking out of my apartment I couldn’t stop thinking about y/n. She has me in a trance and my consciousness has been taken over by her, but I can’t complain. She is the most beautiful, wonderful woman in the world.

And having her beneath me as I fucked her senselessly made her even hotter.

I was going to have to keep it together today. We do interviews often but now I’m not my normal self. She brings out a new side of me, a better side.

Getting in my car I turn on the heater to counteract the cool autumn breeze. I offered to pick up Josh on the way since I was heading in his direction. I knew he’d be full of questions about the night y/n and I had. Although I’ll share the amazing time we had during the party and her spending the night, I would be keeping the intimate parts between her and I.

As much as I wanted to share her to the world, I wanted her to be kept a secret. When people find out about our love lives it can get messy, and invasive. I want to protect her and I’m sure if I explained it to her she would understand, but on the other hand I don’t want to mention it. What if she thinks I’m taking this too fast and it scares her off?

Too many things scrambling in my head causing me to almost run the red light. I get it together and pull up to Josh's house. He’s waiting outside his house, and makes a face as if he’s been waiting there forever.

“About time.”

“I don’t wanna hear it Josh, you’re always late and now you wanna act like you’re on top of things.”

Josh rolls his eyes. “Soooooo tell me about Miss Y/N from last night, how long have you been seeing her?”

Josh and I were close, I could trust him not to share with everyone else.

“I don’t know…3 or 4 weeks.” I shyly say.

“So it's getting serious.” He says with a giggle and gives me a cheeky smile.

“We’re nothing Josh, just enjoying each other's company, I’m not trying to bring attention to her. But as long as it’s okay with everyone you might be seeing her more often.”

Josh has a confused look on his face waiting for me to continue.

“I know the band has been looking for a hair stylist for tour, and Y/N mentioned she was a hairdresser and the offer kind of slipped out of my mouth.”

Josh thought about it for a moment staying silent, I was worried that I did something wrong.

“I mean, we're going on tour soon anyways so if we can fill up the spot, I don't see why not.”

A sigh of relief left my breath.

“But I don't wanna see any canoodling on the tour bus.”

I slap him on the shoulder.

“So what happened last night with you and her anyway Jakey?”

“None of your business, and if anything happened I think we’d wanna keep that between us.”

“Okay Mr. Mysterious.” He joked.

I pull into the lot where the interview would be. Getting out of the car and locking it, Josh and I start walking up to the building.

Before reaching for the door, Josh stops in his tracks and turns to me. “You know you're not as mysterious as you think you are.”

I shoot him a confused look.

“If you wanted to remain ‘mysterious’ I would cover up that chest of yours.”

I quickly glance down, noticing my chest is covered in her marks. I can’t help but to smile to myself, remembering all that happened last night. My face flushes red out of embarrassment. I look back up at Josh, who’s currently examining my entire chest.

“You think I give a fuck?” Am I really doing this? I actually do kind of give a fuck. I know I said I wanted things to be kept private with her for now, but at the same time I also just want to show off everything she’s done to me. Plus, no one will really know it’s her, right?

“Well, you should.” Josh tells me.

“Why?” I questioned.

“Well-“ he trails off and I watch as he is at a loss for words.

“Exactly.”

Even if I didn’t say what happened between us last night, the hickeys on my chest would definitely tell a story.

The interview was all a blur. Normal questions about the new album, our upcoming tour, and of course our personal lives.

I didn’t talk a lot during the interview, I never do. Josh usually takes over and answers any questions he wants to. I was spaced out for a while until I heard my name.

After the interviewer asked the other guys some questions, she turned to me. “So Jake, we’ve seen you a lot on the internet with a pretty young lady at your release party and out and about, who is she?”

My face got hot immediately. I thought about it for a while not knowing what to say. “She’s a friend, nothing crazy.”

“Right and did your ‘friend’ cause those marks on your neck?” The lady pestered.

Before I could say anything, Josh stepped in. “He’s actually breaking out in a rash, so if you’re done asking invasive questions, I think we’ll be done with this interview now. Thanks.” He spat.

Josh got up and the rest of us followed, all giving an awkward ‘thank you’ to the interviewer.

Josh was speeding out of the building, I was finally catching up to his pace. He looked annoyed, wanting to get out of there as fast as possible. He could be a huge pain in my ass sometimes, but I really did love him and the way we always looked out for each other. Deep down, he truly is a great brother, setting aside all of the silly bullshit he pulls sometimes. I know how he would have felt if that question were to be asked to him, and I'm glad to know that I would have defended him in that same way.

“Thank you for having my back back there.” I give Josh a reaffirming pat on the shoulder.

“I just don’t want you to have to be pushed to reveal something before you're ready. Plus, I just wanted to go home.” He said. “But watch yourself, Jake. That was risky, what you did. And I don’t want that situation happening again.”

I nodded, feeling thankful for Josh but even a bit guilty. God, I can’t believe I was so stupid to do that. I should’ve at least tried to cover them up.

We got in the car and the rest of the ride was silent. After I dropped Josh off at his house, I caught myself looking down at my own chest multiple times.

I couldn’t stop staring at the beautiful marks she had left all over me. They were masterpieces within themselves. These marks were a result of our passion and thirst, and I couldn’t get enough. I was fiending for more.

A rush came upon my cock. Fuck. I needed to get home. I began to speed, nearly passing through multiple red lights and stop signs. The ache in me was growing stronger.

I run into my house, needing a release. I see that y/n had left, but not without leaving a trace. I see a note on my nightstand.

“Thank you for having me last night, sir. I can’t wait to see what you have planned for tonight.

-Y/N❤️”

Fuck, that was my breaking point.

I strip off my clothing rushing into the shower, turning on the hot water.

It made it even harder to control myself being in the same place she made me cum last night. I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

How sexy she looked with her lips wrapped around my cock.

Being able to see her ass while she was on her knees.

Looking at her begging eyes for more.

My cock was throbbing for release. I start pumping up and down, thinking about her. Every motion I make, I think about moving in and out of her. The tight walls of her pussy clenching around my length. Stroking faster, and faster. I couldn’t take it much more. My head swings back, getting hit by the hot water.

“Fu-uck.” I groaned under my breath

I came all over the tiles of the shower walls, continuing until I milked myself of every last drop.

Breathing heavy, I bring myself back down from the high I just experienced.

I finish my shower by scrubbing my body and cleaning myself off the shower walls.

Now all I could think about was the night I was about to have with her, and what was going to happen.

Y/N’s POV

You finished up your look for the evening. You didn’t really know what to expect other than to dress ‘pretty like you always do.’

You finished curling your hair and clipped the front two pieces back to keep them out of your face, not knowing what the night would hold. You didn’t want to assume that the night would end the way yesterday did, but the tension that has been shared between you and Jake is basically causing it.

You change into a burgundy slip dress. It was tight and just sat a few inches under your ass. You sat down and put on your black high heels.

Finishing up on your makeup, you put on a natural base and dark eye shadow paired with a dark red glossy lip.

You look down at your phone to see Jake had just texted you.

Jake: Your chariot awaits m’lady.

You smile to yourself as you read his text a few times over.

Grabbing your purse with nothing in it other than your lipstick and phone, you head out the door to meet up with your date. You didn’t want to expect he would pay for you, but come on, why wouldn’t he?

You walk out your apartment to be met with Jake leaning against the hood of his car. His arms are folded across his chest with his left leg on top of his right one. His swinging his car keys around on his pointer finger.

Even though he was concealing his chest, you could still see purple remnants from last night poking out. You hope no one saw them today at the interview.

He finally sees you coming out of your apartment and he hops up off the hood and runs a hand through his hair. You see him quickly reach into the car, to pull out a bouquet of flowers. Beautiful pink, purple, and white flowers were wrapped in brown paper.

“Hi Gorgeous.” He hands you the flowers, laying a kiss on your forehead.

“Thanks Jakey.” You had a huge smile on your face, your cheeks getting red.

Without any thought you bring him into a tight embrace. You feel his big, strong arms wrapped warmly around you. The passion between you two is coursing through his veins and into yours.

You feel safe with him, you never felt this way with another man before. You never got into a serious relationship with anyone before, but this one felt like it could be. But you didn’t know if he felt the same, or if you were just friends with benefits.

Releasing from the hug you look up into his dark brown eyes. How could someone be so beautiful. He still has your hands on the back of you, taking you all in.

“Seriously, how can you be so gorgeous.” He continues to rub up and down your back. “Are you ready to go?”

You nod and begin to go to the passenger side. Jake slides up from behind you grabs the door before you can, opening up the door for you.

He closes it and runs around to get in the car with you.

“So are you ready for an amazing night?” He says starting the car and pulling off onto the street.

“I am, but what do you have planned?”

“You’ll find out when we get there, darling.” He reaches over to grab your thigh.

You delicately place your hand on top of his, your thumb gently grazing over the back of his hand.

A few moments of comfortable silence passed by. You stared out the window, admiring the scenery. Jake's eyes were moving between the road and you.

“So, how was the interview today?” you ask, finally breaking the silence.

“Well,” he used his free hand to scratch the back of his neck, “Ehh…”

You could tell just by his tone it didn’t go too well, and you didn’t want to pry. “It's okay. You don't have to talk about it.”

“Let’s just say that…an uncomfortable question came up, and Josh confronted the interviewer and stormed out.” he let out a loud sigh.

“Oh no” you gasped. “I'm sorry that happened.”

“I'm over it.” he placed his free hand back onto your thigh. “I just want to focus on having a good night out with my girl.”

He smiled at you and your cheeks flushed a rosy pink shade.

“Actually, you haven’t made me your girl yet.” You give him a matter-of-fact grin.

“Well maybe I should fix that.” He mocks your smile back, gripping your thigh tighter.

It was only a little bit longer until you pulled up to the restaurant. You really couldn’t tell where you were when Jake pulled up alongside the building. He got out, walked around to your side to open your door. He gave a strong hand to help you out. Jake handed off the keys to the man waiting near the car, and kept walking towards the door with you in hand.

Valet? must be a nice place. He acted like it was nothing out of the ordinary. You could get used to this lifestyle, especially if you were going to be “his girl.”

He holds open the door for you, trailing closely behind. The hostess looks at you, and then to him.

“Hello Mr. Kiszka. Table for two, I suppose?”

All he does is give a nod to the hostess as she walks you to your table. The restaurant is very dim, only being lit by the candles on each tabletop.

When you reach your table, he pulls out your chair for you and pushes your chair into the table.

You scan over the menu, everything looking very delicious. You can't help but glance at the prices, your eyes widening.

Jake notices you doing this, and he brings down the menu from in front of your face. "Don't look at the prices. Get yourself whatever you want."

You assume he's been here before, so he's probably used to these prices.

"The cocktails here are some of the best I've ever had." He nods, scanning over the menu himself.

"Good. That's what I have been needing. What kind have you tried here?"

"I only really ever gotten the Negroni. It's top notch here. Josh got a hibiscus cherry vodka spritz last time-he made me try it-it was actually pretty exquisite." He tells you, his head still buried in his menu.

You nod. "I think I'll get that then."

He lifts his head up and looks at you. Just before he can say anything else, the waitress comes up to take your drink orders.

"Hi, I'll have a Negroni." He begins to order. "And she'll have the hibiscus cherry vodka spritz, please." He nods and smiles at the waitress. "Thanks."

You notice the waitress gives him a pining look before she turns to walk away, to which he notices, but ultimately ignores it. You look back to Jake after she disappears out of your sight.

“What was that about?” You ask him, sounding utterly offended. “That was completely inappropriate.”

“Yeah, that happens a lot.” He just shook it off. “It’s nothing to worry about, doll.”

Jake’s POV

I felt only the slightest bit flattered, but those were just advances that I didn’t want. I am completely committed to Y/N. Even though I do love how she is getting so jealous over it. I would do the same thing if I saw somebody flirting with her, and I have, but I think she already knows that by now. I liked how we could be so protective over one another. I would defend her for my life and I knew she would too.

As we waited for our drinks to arrive to the table, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. I loved the way her burgundy dress fit her body. How could she know burgundy was my favorite color? This woman just couldn’t get out of my mind.

Y/N’s POV

You noticed Jake was staring you up and down. His eyes were full of affection and longing.

“What are you staring at?” You ask with a cheeky smile.

“How did you know burgundy is my favorite color?” He asks, his cheeks start to flush a rosy pink tint.

“Just a wild guess.” You shrugged. It really was a coincidence.

“You pull it off really well.” He placed his forearm firmly on the table, his hand grabbing yours. “I like burgundy even more now.” He chuckled.

Someone brings your drinks over and you begin to sip at it.

You giggled as you slowly reached your foot underneath the table to meet with his. You rub your heel against his shin sensually.

“Playing footsies I see, are you trying to tease me?”

“No, I just want some physical contact.” You say sweetly.

He realizes that you truly are doing it with no sexual intent and smiles.

He reaches across the table and grabs your hands, cupping them inside his. Rubbing his thumbs over your hands.

“Is this better?”

You give him an affectionate nod.

“You look stunning tonight baby.”

You take him all in wondering how you got so lucky to be on a date with this man. You retract your hand and pick up your menu and begin to look at it, but before you could make a decision Jake takes it away. “You won’t be needing this.”

“How will I pick what I want?”

“You're not going to.” Just like clockwork the waitress comes back over. Radiating a smile only to Jake.

“So what can I get for you guys tonight?”

“I’ll be having 14 oz sirloin with mash potatoes and broccoli, and my date will have the 12 oz filet mignon with mash potatoes and green beans. Thank You.” He hands off the menus to the waitress and brings his attention back to you, with a shit eating grin across his face knowing what he did.

“So what was that about?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh I don’t know, ordering my food without me picking?”

He picks his hand up and with his index and middle finger he motions you to lean in a little more. “C’mhere.”

“If you haven’t realized by now, I’m in charge here, okay. You're mine, so I get to make the decisions for you. Got it?”

You got it, loud and clear. If anyone else had done this you would have slapped them across the face, but when he did it, it turned you on.

“Got it, Sir.” You say with a smug look on your face.

“Good girl.” He whispers.

The time between then and the food coming out was filled with light banter and slight teasing.

“You know, I was planning on getting a steak anyway.”

“That’s good, even though you were going to get that either way tonight.”

You laugh, you really like this dominant side of him. You would have never expected this from him. Sure he didn’t seem like a submissive type of guy, but you weren’t expecting this much from him so early on.

The waitress brings over your and Jake's food, setting it down on the table placing yours down and then Jakes. As she gets up from putting the food down, she pushes her chest out towards him hoping he would see down her chest.

He leaned away from her, but she didn’t take the hint. She slowly brings her hand up his arm and lands it on his shoulder. How dense could this chick be?

“Let me know if you guys need anything else. I will get you a refill, Mr. Kiszka.” She takes a look at your drink, obviously seeing that yours was also low as well and choosing to ignore it.

Jake calls to her, “Hey!” She spins around with an eager look on her face. “How about a refill on my date's drink too since it’s low. Well, you already knew that, but chose to ignore it.” He turns to you, “Anything else you want, baby?”

You shake your head, Jake sending a condescending smile to her. Her face turned red from embarrassment and walked away.

Jake reaches across the table and grabs a knife and begins to cut your food, you give him a confused look. “Whats the matter, y/n?”

“Now you're cutting my food for me?”

“Only princess treatment for you darling.” He says with a smirk across his face.

“What are you going to do now, feed it to me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I know you're not incompetent.” He grins.

Fuck, all this degrading was kind of turning you on. You’ve heard the ‘good girl’ and stuff along those lines, but this was different. Something you could get used to, something you were willing to explore.

You both continue eating your meals, chattering lightly. You guys had a lot in common that you had not noticed. You could see this turning into something serious. Jake gets the check, pays in check, and writes a note on the receipt. He stands up walks towards you and offers a hand for you to get up.

As you walk around the table to leave you get a glimpse.

Price: $237.57

Tip: Don’t be so loose with your customers.

Total: $237.57

You smile and giggle at the receipt walking hand in hand with Jake. It was an amazing night you would never forget, you felt closer to him, more comfortable. As you wait for the valet to bring the car around, he notices you shivering from the cool night air. He wraps an arm around your shoulders in an attempt to warm you up. He opens the car door for your guiding you into your seat, he presses a light kiss on your forehead and travels around to his side and sits next to you. He turns on the car and starts to drive out of the restaurant. You notice he takes the back roads rather than the main roads that would get you back to your house sooner.

“You know if you went right we would have been on the main roads, were kind of going out of the way.”

“I know.” He says sharply. “Hey, y/n?”

“Yeah Jake?”

“Take off your panties.”

“What?” Your face gets hot immediately. You couldn’t fathom what he just said.

And in the most condescending tone, “I said, take off your panties, place them in my hand, so I can feel how fucking wet you were the whole night, y/n. Did you understand it that time?”

You take a big gulp, realizing what he said wasn’t a joke, it was a command. You decide to test him. “And what would happen if I don’t?”

“You really wanna find out, don’t fucking test me y/n, or else your going to get punished.”

You begin to hike your dress up a little bit beginning to bring your hands to the hem of your lace panties.

“Bring the seat back, so I can get a good view of you and your dripping wet pussy.”

You reach down to the handle bringing your seat back just enough so he could get a view of it. You bring your legs together and pull your panties down past your ankles and untangled from your heels. He shoots his eyes back and forth between you and the road. You hand them off to him into his already open hand. He squeezes them tightly.

“So wet for me baby, I barely did anything. Were you thinking about naughty things during dinner?”

You were definitely thinking about it. About the things he could do with his veiny strong hands as he grabbed his drinks and cut your food. Or thinking about leaving marks all over his chest again just like you once did.

He grabs your thigh trailing up close to where your underwear once was.

“Maybe…” You say very quietly.

“Speak louder darling, it isn’t something you should be ashamed of.” His raspy voice commands. “Were you thinking about me doing naughty things at dinner? Were you?”

“I was, a lot of things.”

“I was thinking about a lot of things too, seeing you follow all my commands. It turned me on y/n, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t dealing with something during dinner too.”

You look down at him, he was hard, very hard.

“So since you're such a good listener, I want you to sit there and touch yourself and not cum until I tell you to. You understand, baby?”

You understood fully, and would be lying if you said you didn’t need a little release from the night you had. So you sat back and spread your legs and began rubbing quick circles around your clit.

“Good girl baby, always listening to daddy.”

God, he turned you on so much. This made you throw your head back into the seat, moaning aloud.

“Say my name baby, who am I?”

You sweetly moan “daddy” under your breath. Closing your eyes takes in all the feelings you were experiencing.

“Say it louder for me darling, who am I?”

You quicken your pace on your clit rubbing faster and faster. You are getting to your climax. “Fuckkk daddy.” You scream louder than before.

“There we go. You gonna cum for me, babygirl?”

You whine and start to moan louder and louder. He looks at you, in awe. “Fuck, you look so sexy right now y/n.”

“Jake I’m gonna..”

“Do it baby, look at me, scream my name.”

With a few more circles onto your clit your body is hit with waves of pleasure.

“Jake!”

You came, hard. Your white slick dripped in between your fingers, dripping down your fingertips.

“So good baby, go ahead and taste yourself for me.”

He pulls up to your apartment, just in time for him to turn himself to face you. You bring your hand up to your mouth, sucking on your finger making intense eye contact with him as you do it. His jaw drops slightly.

“Holy shit y/n, you're the sexiest woman I’ve ever met in my life.” He leans in and kisses you deeply, probably still able to taste your juices.

Doing the usual routine he always does when he drives. He opens the door for you, holding your hand to help you out. He continues to hold your hand as you walk up the cobblestone path.

As you approach your front door, he squeezes your hand a few times, letting you know his presence is still with you.

You grab your keys and unlock the door. He steps in and right as the door shuts he pushes you against the door. Before you can process it you are deep into another kiss. One hand on your hip and one above your head on the doorframe, pulling you towards him. You buck your hips forward and pull him in tight by his shirt. He pulls away looking into your eyes.

“You make me crazy y/n.” He grins. You smile, realizing the effect you actually had on him. He begins to kneel down leaving kisses on your legs as he brings your right leg onto his knee. He fiddles with the latch on your heels and removes them for you. After he does the second one he picks you up bridal style and carries you to your room lying you on the bed.

“Where's your pjs?”

You point to the middle right drawer, still coming down from the high you had just experienced. He picks out his favorite piece that he sees, a black flowy tank top and matching black flowy shorts. He begins to unzip your dress for you, pulling it down. To Jake’s surprise, you opted to not wear a bra during dinner. This was evident as his eyes lit up as the top of your dress revealed your chest. His fingers run over every curve and every inch your body holds. You can tell he is lovingly admiring you. It's in a sweet, affectionate way. Even though the sex with Jake has been more than great, you love to just be admired. You loved to just feel loved. It had been a long time since you had let somebody look at your naked body in a way that wasn't sexual, and it felt good.

Jake asked if you wanted him to spend the night but you had to decline his offer, as you had work early in the morning.

He delicately slid the silky fabric onto your body. Placing it delicately as if he was wrapping an ethereal art piece. He tucks you under your duvet and lightly presses a kiss onto your forehead.

“Sleep well tonight baby, have amazing dreams.” He whispers, making his way towards the door.

“I hope you're in them.”

He smiles, starting to walk towards the door in your room. Just as he’s about to walk out he turns to you.

“I would say I hope you’re in mine, but it already feels like I’m dreaming.”

And with a soft smile he left and a few moments later you hear your front door shut. You couldn’t help but get up and watch him leave from the window. You watch and smile realizing this is one of the most amazing experiences you’ve had in a while. You head back to your bed realizing that you truly are already in a dream.