#damn not me giving straight people rights 💀

[italiangirlcoresblog]

main masterlist \\ lando masterlist

-----------------••✩🍪☕️🩹✩••----------------

𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐞

✩ : everyone has been speculating about a possible relationship between you and lando, but neither of you ever confirmed anything — until the infamous hard launch

𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦 : @ tatemcrae on ig

𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭. : lando norris

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : humor, mature

✍︎ : sports car has my heart and soul, so might as well give it a smau too

OR

me still procrastinating lando's fic

-------------------------❦︎-------------------------

itsynbitch

Liked by oliviarodrigo, chappellroan, lando and 229,997 others

itsynbitch it's lights out and away we go

View all 963 comments

oliviarodrigo can't wait 😍

♥︎ by itsynbitch

username1 OMG???

username2 let's take a few steps back shall we

username3 i'm so confused

username4 i think we all are

username5 wait what did i miss

username6 HOW DID WE GET HERE

username7 biker y/n!?

username8 more like f1 y/n with that caption

username9 wdym

username10 it's the line croft always says at the start of the races

username11 imagine if it's the theme for her new album

username12 girl I WISH

username13 hey siri, how to become the guy in this reel?

username14 reel ❌️ real ✅️

username15 i hope he knows how lucky he is

♥︎ by lando

username16 DAMN ALRIGHT HAHAHA

username17 i wasn't expecting that

username18 he's not wrong tho

username19 lando we see you brother

username20 you're all of us

username21 whatever this means i'm here for it

chappellroan ICON

♥︎ by itsynbitch

itsynbitch

Liked by oliviarodrigo, chappellroan, lando and 1,240,114 others

itsynbitch "2 hands" OUT THIS FRIDAY

stay tuned 🧡

View all 13,437 comments

username22 this did something to me

username23 you mean i have to wait a WHOLE WEEK for this masterpiece?

username24 technically it's just four days ☝️🤓

username25 still way too long 😔

username26 screw my finals, y/n's new single release date just dropped

itsynbitch keep studying kids

username27 if y/n says it, we shall comply

username28 i'd have all straight As if she asked me to

username29 divided by countries, united by mommy issues

lando orange suits you

♥︎ by itsynbitch

itsynbitch my favorite 🧡

username30 chat are they flirting in broad daylight

username31 she meant the color... RIGHT?

username32 y/n babe that was pretty misunderstandable

username33 WHY ARE WE IGNORING LANDO’S COMMENT HELLO

username34 my man just wanted to shoot his shot

username35 honestly if i were him i'd go for it too

username36 papaya reference anyone!?

username37 i was literally thinking the same thing

username38 i have no one to talk to about this

username39 same 😭

username40 mother delivered as always

username41 LET'S GO 🏎💨

username42 buckle up, we're in for one crazy ass ride

f1gossippofficial

69,654 likes

f1gossippofficial some clips from y/n's tiktok. does the car look familiar to you? 👀

View all 7,710 comments

username43 that's a whole ass mclaren right there

username44 that's not just ANY mclaren that's LANDO’S mclaren

username45 according to who?

username46 there's literally his number printed on it 💀

username47 "iT CouLD Be a CoiNCiDeNCe" no it couldn't shut up

username48 you people really need to chill

username49 just stating the obvious

username50 y/n x mclaren collab is something i didn't know i needed

username51 what a great time to be fan of both

username52 fr we're being blessed with this content

username53 this is great and all but are we not gonna talk about lando's "good taste in cars"?

username54 I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD MENTION IT

username55 i knew you'd bring this up lol

username56 and y/n replying "well thank you" like AAAAA

username57 what's so special about it

username58 1. we got more y/n x lando content and 2. THEY WERE OBVIOUSLY FLIRTING

username59 norris fangirl detected, opinion rejected

username60 the way i could smell the comments from a mile away

username61 cry about it

lando

♫︎ y/n • 2 hands [E]

Liked by oscarpiastri, carlossainz55, itsynbitch and 877,168 others

lando bangher

View all 11,909 comments

oscarpiastri mate i think you misspelled it

lando no i didn't

username62 oscar trying to gentle parent lando out of his dyslexia

username63 dorks

username64 as a landoscar fan this is everything

username65 pause. rewind. NO HE DIDN'T

username66 did what

username67 GUYS IT'S BANG—HER

username68 omg are you serious

username69 oh he was smooth with it

username70 if this is about y/n i swear

username71 WHY WOULD IT BE

username72 idk maybe because he used her song???

username73 some of you are actually sick

carlossainz55 🤨

username74 carlos is just as confused as us

username75 lando sponsoring his girlfriend's single 🥰

username76 WHAT ARE THEY TOGETHER!?

username77 no they're not stop assuming things it's weird af

username78 then why would he even use it?

username79 because it is, in fact, a banger, AND HE JUST FUCKING MISSPELLED IT

username80 ok but what about y/n also being in the likes

username81 e x a c t l y

username82 everyone arguing in the comments:

me vibing to 2 hands: 💃💃💃

itsynbitch

Liked by lando, oliviarodrigo, chappellroan and 891,472 others

itsynbitch life lately ✨️✨️✨️

View all 12,670 comments

username83 man lando did not waste one second

username84 he came here faster than he won in singapore

username85 he was in the likes before y/n even posted

username86 miss gurl that's a lot of orange

username87 @ mclaren just take her as your ambassador already

mclaren we'll think about it 😉

username88 ADMIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

username89 y/n feeding us crumbs until the big reveal

username90 me acting surprised when she'll confirm the lando rumors: 😮

username91 no way you've been banging dating in secret who would've thought right

username92 i can't with y'all 😭

username93 don't mind me just staring at the jacket in the first slide and trying to understand where i've seen it before

username94 i knew it looked familiar

username95 born to say lando, forced to stay silent and act clueless

username96 IT'S SO OBVIOUS IT'S PAINFUL

username97 pros and cons of being a lando fangirl

username98 truly a blessing and a curse 😔

username99 y/n might have good taste in cars but lando sure as hell got good taste in women

username100 you can't really go wrong with her can you?

username101 i fear she's everybody's type

f1gossippofficial

97,407 likes

f1gossippofficial 🚨 BREAKING: lando norris seen carrying the same rhode lip phone case shown in y/n's story before they were caught partying together by a fan

WATCH VIDEO ▶️

View all 8,325 comments

username102 god forbid someone else other than her has a rhode lip phone case

username103 you're pushing it way too far now

username104 i'll never understand why we normalized shoving our phones in famous people's faces

username105 lando literally ran away poor baby

username106 the way they immediately tried to hide when they saw the camera

username107 they both looked so uncomfortable please leave them alone

username108 if they want to keep their relationship secret they clearly have their reasons

username109 listen they're probably not even dating but you decided they are and you forced it on them

username110 stop playing matchmaker for them it's getting out of hand

username111 i was getting all excited about them as a couple but then i opened the comments

username112 hey at least now we know they're together

username113 idc what everybody else says a win is a win

username114 imagine them scrolling through these and laughing at how dumb you all sound

username115 lando was probably busy remixing y/n's songs at the club

itsynbitch

♫︎ y/n • sports car

Liked by lando, oliviarodrigo, chappellroan and 2,377,677 others

itsynbitch "sports car" song and mv 🏎🏁 OUT NOW

~ it was a pleasure working with you @ lando

View all 17,809 comments

username116 so... i wasn't exactly expecting all of that

username117 I THOUGHT SHE ACCIDENTALLY LEAKED A SEX TAPE WTF

username118 how else do you wanna call it?

username119 okay but i don't think this was accidental 😃

username120 are we paying for this?

username121 so lando did start onlyfans after all

username122 he's multi-tasking

username123 f1 driver by day, whore by night

username124 i might've seen a reflection of lando’s weenie in the window and i fear the image is now stuck in my head forever

oscarpiastri same

carlossainz55 yeah

maxverstappen1 i agree

charles_leclerc unfortunately

username125 I'M CRYING

username126 the drivers being traumatized for life: a series

lando pleasure's mine @ itsynbitch

itsynbitch i know

♥︎ by lando

username127 WE KNOW TOO

username128 she's the man in the relationship

username129 how do i achieve this level of mothering?

username130 they really uh-uhed in it huh

username131 💀💀💀

username132 the fact that they probably weren't even faking it

itsynbitch take the "probably" out

username133 GIRL

username134 hard launch ❌️ hard while launching ✅️

username135 HAHAHAHAHA

lando good one

username136 boy what 😭

lando

Liked by itsynbitch, carlossainz55, oscarpiastri and 1,081,828 others

lando finally made it on main

View all 14,994 comments

username137 "finally" mf wanted to simp over his girlfriend in public so bad

username138 can't blame him tbh

username139 MY SHIP HAS OFFICIALLY SAILED

username140 wasn't the mv clear enough 🤨

username141 i mean all singers do that

username142 ... no?

username143 they could've been just banging buddies

username144 banging buddies 💀

lando i love when you guys get creative like this

username145 lando trying to make us forget what we saw in that video:

oscarpiastri i wish i could forget

username146 this will haunt him forever

username147 poor oscar witnessed things he was never supposed to

username148 new nightmare unlocked

username149 CUTIES

username150 i wanna cuddle with lando like that too

lando cuddles reserved to y/n only

♥︎ by itsynbitch

username151 AWWW

username152 couple goals

username153 LOOK AT HOW HAPPY SHE IS

username154 my shayla 😭💖

itsynbitch

Liked by lando, oliviarodrigo, chappellroan and 1,398,755 others

itsynbitch my silly boy

View all 15,897 comments

oliviarodrigo favorites ❤️

♥︎ by itsynbitch

lando i love you

♥︎ by itsynbitch

lando i looove you

♥︎ by itsynbitch

lando I LOVE YOU

itsynbitch alright baby i love you too

♥︎ by lando

username155 you know what that is? SIMPly lovely

username156 wait that's so mean (do it again)

username157 max from his private account:

username158 lando will never live it down

username159 the 4 on lando's shirt 🥺

username160 "my silly boy" MY HEART

username161 they look so good together

username162 ikr???

username163 they just make so much sense

username164 freaky and freaky lover

username165 my bisexual awakening i fear

username166 POOKIES

username167 they're so very dear to me

username168 LANDO’S NOSE SCRUNCH

username169 he's just a little bunny

username170 i wanna bite his face

itsynbitch only i get to do that sorry

lando jealous much?

lando KIDDING

lando please don't leave me

italiangirlcoresblog this man has ZERO shame

-----------------••✩🍪☕️🩹✩••----------------

©italiangirlcoresblog // do not copy, rewrite, or translate any of my work on any platforms

[ryusuisloveinterest]

henloo ‼️ how has everything been lately? i hope you're alright and having a nice day/night <3

can i make a request for Ryusui, Sai, Ukyo and Tsukasa with a dyslexic s/o reader? nothing too fancy, just them being comforting because it is actually a very frustrating condition most of the time, haha

that would be it, tysm 🫶

hi anon (you’re now 🐳 anon)! I tried my best because I’m not that familiar with what people with dyslexia go through so if anything so insensitive or offensive I’m sorry and please let me know🙏 I hope you like it💗

Ryusui, Sai, Ukyo, & Tsukasa with a dyslexic s/o🫶

Ryusui:

I don’t see Ryusui really noticing at first lol. If anyone were to ask him if you have dyslexia he’d probably just shrug and be all like “idk but who cares?”

When he sees the red on your face when he points out you’re sentence is missing some words he feels so bad

“Love I didn’t mean to offend you! I’m so sorry I just want you to make a good grade that’s all!”

“I know Ryusui… it’s just so hard dealing with this…”

“With what?”

“Ryusui you know I’m dyslexic right? Ryusui?”

Immediately goes to Senku💀

He wants to know how he can help you

If you want a professional to help with your words and/or writing than bet Ryusui will have like 10 of the best at your doorstep in 10 minutes 

If you just wanted some encouragement than Ryusui’s got plenty of it!

“Hey love it’s alright. Take your time I’ll be here to listen.”

He’s always here for you to vent and to listen no matter what

Sai:

Sai is more likely to catch on, but doesn’t want to say anything because he’s worried he’ll offend you if he’s wrong

He does bring it up though when he sees you having a hard time reading a menu at a restaurant 

“Darling do you want me to read it for you?”

With a blush you nod, that’s all he needs to know

He has no problem helping you 

He makes sure that if you spelt something wrong or need help reading something to whisper it so you’re not embarrassed 

If you ever get frustrated he’s definitely someone to go to. He’s not good with words but while hold you and let you vent

Ukyo: 

He heard you mumbling to yourself when he found out 

“Damn this stupid dyslexia…”

He never brought it up to you but definitely helped a lot

When he talks to you he always waits with a smile for your response 

“Sorry Ukyo, it just takes some time for me to find my words…”

“Hey don’t ever be sorry! Take all the time you need.”

If you ever misspell something he’ll either whisper it to tell you and give you a small sign like gently tapping your shoulder or motioning his head towards the word

He wants to help you in anyway you can, so if you wanna read to him to help yourself then he’s gonna listen

If you wanna write him little notes he’ll read them and identify any changes if needed

“Take deep breaths baby, we’ll get through this together!”

Tsukasa:

He found out when you went to one of his matches

You help a sign that read I love you Tuskasa!! 

He didn’t say anything to you after the match, but Mirai did 😀 kids are so bold I swear

“Big sis that’s not how you spell Tsukasa’s name!”

Your face immediately reddens as you look at the sign again. You didn’t recognize it at first but after slowly reading it you found the issue

“O-oh…my bad. I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s alright princess. No harm done, in fact I love the sign.”

After that Tsukasa asked you about it and told you Mirai didn’t mean any harm in what she said 

“It’s alright my prince, I’m just embarrassed. The whole arena saw that stupid sign.”

“Hey I told you I love it so don’t talk bad about it!”

His next match it was hanging on his side of the ring❤️

He’ll help you in anyway he can 

He also talks to Mirai so she understands of course she gives you a big hug and apologizes

God forbid someone else gives you crap for it cause he’ll knock them straight out without hesitation 

Random dude: “you spelt this wrong. What’re you a kindergartn-“

Tsukasa smacks the shit outta him know he’s knocked out

“Come on y/n let’s go.”

No one messes with his girl

[ezra-editss]

Just watched X-men Apocalypse. What the hell.

Okay, so I kinda have a take on all this and idk if that's just how it feels to me, but that's what I wanna know. (I don't think this actually happened, but it's the vibes it is all giving)

So it started when I told my mom about First Class (keep reading I'm gonna get to apocalypse eventually) and we came to the conclusion that it feels like they wrote the script, looked at it again and thought:

"Hmm, this seems pretty gay.. Erik and Charles both have no female love interests and they have those lines that seem pretty romantic. Also, Erik seems almost obsessed with Charles at the end with how overprotective he is. Let's fix that!"

And then they gave both of them a kiss with a woman they weren't interested in and added the line "We're brothers, you and I" and then were proud of how well they "saved" it.

And then they made Days of Future Past and didn't even think of it, but when it came out they saw how people were shipping it and then they were like "oh shitt"

And in the first hour of the movie, I thought they were just doing all of this stuff to "erase" any potential gayness people thought there was and wanted to make sure nobody got the wrong idea about the recent movies. But it was more the reminder they like women, before the EXTREME GAYNESS in the second half.

(This is getting so much more unserious than initially intended💀)

Anyways, Apocalypse.

Either I missed something or Erik settling down and HIDING makes NO SENSE. In the last timeline it was 100% clear that he'd never stop believing in what he did, he would never stop fighting his war. So yes, this is a different timeline, but there is no reason given why he suddenly decides to try Charles way. He failed in Days of Future Past and Charles let him go, but there is no way that's enough. And they played this off like that isn't the thing they both wanted since forever and never seemed possible. Being on the same side. Erik switching to Charles side is insane, why wouldn't he talk to Charles in all those years then?

I can't believe they threw away everything that IS Erik, just so he had a reason to be angry enough to join the guy.

(They also died in such a weird/lame way)

And Charles and I still don't really know her name😭.. I have to admit the scenes where Charles was nervous were cute, but that's just because Charles is adorable. But in First Class she was obviously only there for the plot, in Days of Future Past, she wasn't even mentioned and in Apocalypse, she was, again, only there for the plot. She literally doesn't say anything the entire movie after the beginning. She has like two lines. And in the end fight, she's just standing there. And then Charles makes her remember and the flashbacks are soo bad, BC THEY HAD NO MOMENTS. (Especially bc you can compare it to Erik's flashbacks, we're gonna get to that)

(I don't think I have to say it, but to be sure. I have absolutely nothing against straight couples. I don't care if it's gay or not. But if one of them were a woman, I wouldn't be writing this. I just hate how often they prefer to write a heterosexual couple that has no chemistry at all instead of making the two guys/girls kiss.)

Let's talk about the ending. Sometimes when I talk about this stuff I'm a little worried that I interpret things wrong bc I want it to be like that and I'm not being objective anymore, but I was proven right so many times in this. When Mystique and Erik kissed in First Class, it felt really weird to me because Erik obviously had no interest in her. (I suppose it was to show her she's beautiful) And that was pretty much proven right when she talks to him and he barely reacts to what she's saying. I also thought that he probably didn't know Charles was dying, bc he wouldn't let that happen. Then Mystique says "Charles" and suddenly he does show a reaction and when she's gone, he has those god damn flashbacks. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS ISN'T A ROMANTIC PLOT?😭 and then the specific one of Charles turning away and leaving him. (Could be a metaphor for Charles giving up on him) THAT'S WHAT GOT HIM.

And they make it even more clear when Mystique is dying and Erik doesn't react, but when Charles is dying, is when he steps in.

Ending was cute, but damnn the "you can make me do anything" was crazy.

(This turned out soo long, I've never been so obsessed with something.)

[wrathyforest]

Is there a story behind office robbery?

Okay, due to your curiosity, the office robbery lore :D

It was a stupid (because I'm dumb) and funny situation (though later when I was re-watching it in my head, I was terrified). It was time when I worked in the office, and my office was a filiation of another department. So, my office's work hours are till 17:30, the department's - till 18:00. Usually every worker at ours wants to go home early, so at 17:30, maximum 17:45, the very last worker left. The thing is that back then the department's secretary was sick and there wasn't anyone who could do that work, so they asked my boss to give them a capable worker for a few days or a week (you may guess it was me even though I tried to refuse, but huh life is a struggle), so I ended up at that place. During the lunch break I always went back to my original office to drink tea. That day I was in a hurry because there was a lot of work, so I drank my tea, but forgot to wash my mug (back then we also had an invasion of cockroaches), so I had worries someone can decide to sit there in my mug, so I decided to go wash it after work (which is after 18:00). Also an important detail: I was one of the few people who had duplicate keys - keys was given to me because of my unmatched punctuality (even office janitor lost to me when tried to come earlier 💀 ), so I thought that it was convenient to peacefully wash my mug after work and then go home. So. It was 18:10 or so. When I came to the office door, I put the key into the lock, BUT IT DIDN'T TURN. I was confused, I tried the door handle and it was open. And then straight out of the dark room to me a tall guy rushed out! I wasn't terrified, I was confused (yeah, sometimes I realize stuff later), he was obviously nervous (another funny thing that it didn't scare me but rather made me extremely chill like oh poor guy what's the matter? I know I'm so dumb), so I asked who was he. He began to vaguely tell me that he's fixing an internet?? And here another gag in my defense: that week my colleague invited some IT-guy to help build a web-site and some days they could stay for a few hours after work, so it confused me, because I have never seen the guy. Okay, so I asked who let him in, he vaguely began to explain but I haven't heard a single name of the people working here. I was asking a few questions like, "who let you in, come find me the person", to what he was answering sm like "YOU come find" and I was like ???? are you ok, dude? At this point I was rather pissed off by the situation.

So again. A dark 4th floor, with no one around. Me and him, and then I just came into the office room to check if everything is okay (back then we didn't lock out laptops in safes, everything were right on the tables lol). Everything visually was fine. The guy just went away, and there I spotted that he left his phone on the chair 💀 lmao and on the phone someone named "Melon" was calling him :D I giggled a bit and in a second the guy RUSHED BACK HERE AND WAS LIKE OMG I FORGOT MY PHONE!!! And I was like: is this it? Here. Anything else you forgot? And he: no, thank you, I'll come back tomorrow, And I was like: Okay, goodbye. Him: Goodbye.

Lol. After I immediately contacted my boss to clarify if there was someone staying in the office, and she told me that no, and like I GUESS SOMEONE TRIED TO BURGLARY US. And I was like whoa damn,,,, I need to check everything. I went into the office room again, turned on the light AND SUDDENTLY A LIGHT BULB EXPLODED. And only at this moment the thought "damn, some real shit is going on" crossed my mind💀. I tried to remember if every laptop is in place. Haven't noticed anything unusual, so I locked the office and went home thinking stuff like "what if the guy had a knife?" :DDDD (actually it still might not consider as a successful preventing robbery, because the next day it turned out that the guy has stolen a photo camera..... but who knows if he'd stole more)

The funny thing is that my mug was left unwashed that day.💀

[base0h]

Hiii :D

Wanna req some modern au Kid, Mihawk and Shanks with a s/o who always manages to zone out at the worst time possible, (like they're driving and stopped at a red light, not realizing that what seemed a moment later the light turned green and everyone is beeping at them or they're being late, smth distracts them and they literally just freeze in place lost in the most off topic thoughts ever) hcs or scenario, all's good with me gosh I zone out way too much

Gosh sorry for the long ask and since I'm here I just might remind you to go drink some water and take care of yourself, cuz we need ya and your hilarious writings here, to brighten up our days yk? ( ˙꒳​˙ )

love ya <3

a/n - ERROR HOW HAVE I BEEN LAUGHING FOR A SOLID TEN MINUTES AT THIS ASK SUEBDHBDHDBD 😭😭😭😭 awww I’m so glad that I can brighten up your guys’ days that really brightens mine 🥺💜💜

Warnings ⚠️ - cracky, g/n reader, modern au, shanks doesn’t have an arm (let’s just say it got bitten off by a shark because he thought drinking beer while surfing was a brilliant idea)

- watch him ban you from driving 💀

- last time you decided to drive to a coffee shop was the last straw for the poor man

- “Y/n please keep your eyes on the road.”

- *minute passes, now it’s a green light*

- he’s looking at a newspaper while people behind you guys are honking

- you had taken sight of a beautiful monarch butterfly, cruising around just outside your window

- you didn’t even realize the light had turned green

- Mihawk was about to get out of the car and go punch some people for honking but then he realized the light had been green for minutes, and you two were holding up the biggest line of cars he’d ever seen

- “Y/n! It’s green-!”

- He undid his seatbelt and climbed into the seat with you, hitting his head on the ceiling while simultaneously giving himself a bad back

- he pressed the gas while you stared at the butterfly, and you snapped out of it when you realized the car was moving, and Mihawk’s huge ass was right in front of your face

- “Mihawk what are you doing-“

- he sighed and kept driving forward until the light from before turned red right as he started going

- Cars from the right were about to crash into you too when you started screaming at him to go faster

- “MIHAWK GO GO GO GO GO-!”

- “THIS DAMN CAR WONT GO ANY FASTER! GET ON MY LEFT SIDE!”

- he was saying that to protect you, so that he would take most of the damage if you both were hit

- Luckily, you two made it to the next intersection just before getting hit, and there was a long silence in the car on the way home

- “… you’re banned from driving.”

- “BUT-“ “I don’t want to hear it.”

- “thank you for protecting me, don’t pretend like you didn’t do that 😏”

- “😐😑😐”

- he ignored you for about an hour after that (he wasn’t mad, just terrified)

- shanks is a horrible driver himself, so he gets it! He’s usually drunk while driving anyways!

- zoning out is totally fine because usually he’ll just stare at you and think about how beautiful/handsome you are 🥰

- today you both were driving to a movie, you had gotten a nice cup of coffee just before as well :)

- shanks was staring at his phone, struggling to figure out where the fuck he put the tickets

- you saw the most awesome skateboarder who was doing tricks along the sidewalk, and you managed to turn sharp left, almost straight into the sidewalk

- shanks immediately grabbed the wheel with his arm and swerved back, but the absolute boiling hot coffee cup was slipping through your grip

- poor shanks saw that and was starting to panic

- “Baby i only got ONE ARM-“

- the hot coffee spilled all over his lap and this idiot started screaming at the top of his lungs

- “BABE MY BALLS ARE GOING TO MELT WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS IT SO HOT?”

- bigass man baby woke you up and you started driving normally again, apologizing to your almost crying boyfriend for zoning out

- “My dick hurts.”

- “Please don’t ever say that again.”

- “BUT IT’S TRUE?? IT HURTS LIKE- HELL!”

- “also what were you looking at out there?”

- “some cool skateboarding guy.”

- excuse me-??

- “A guy?..”.

- “THATS WHY YOU BURNED MY COCK OFF BABE?! AM I NOT PRETTY ENOUGH?!”

- he started shaking your arm and you were literally about to crash, “SHANKS STOP IM GOING TO CRASH!”

- pls he’s a terrible driver just because of the fact that he will literally scream and flip someone off for not using their turn signal

- I imagine him to obey every single driving law except for the one “don’t be a fucking asshole”

- he oftentimes will ask for your help when he’s building stuff, like asking for tools and such

- “babe hand me the wrench.”

- “hammer.”

- “nails.”

- “water.”

- that’s basically what your job is. 💀

- he was welding today, and needed your help to place something at just the right time so he wouldn’t either burn your apartment down or burn his arm off

- “Babe, need it now.”

- you were tuned out completely, and of course at the absolute perfect time 🙂

- “babe.”

- he waved his other hand in front of your face to try and get your attention but that didn’t seem to work

- “Y/N L/N HELLO?!”

- kaboom

- smoke filled the room as you coughed and grabbed the thing you were supposed to hand him

- “Kidd you need this thingy yet??”

- …

- your audacity.

- his sllooooooooow turn of his head

- his face was stained with black smoke, a nail shooting out of his work and hitting him in the forehead as he stared down at you with the most dead expression

- you were dead. so dead.

a/n - not me being a little cheeky shit and giggling at my own writing 💀

[youremyheaven]

OKAY STORYTIME u guyysss

so my friend, we'll call her Mishti was in a long term relationship with a deadbeat loser guy who was toxic and crusty af (she's a Solar girl- Krittika Moon and she basically provided for him and he never gave her anything, not even peace of mind 😭) they started seeing each other in 2021 and I always thought their breakup was imminent because she was a straight A student and ambitious af and he was an unemployed toad 🐸 (they started dating when she was 21 and he was 26 btw 😬 to have no education or job AND expect your girl to spoil u at that big ass age is 🤢🤢🤮) they were always fighting and arguing and never had a moment of peace. She was talking to him ALL the time (she's Revati Sun)

I made my IG account in early 2023 and this guy started following me. He would unfollow and refollow me every few days so I just stopped letting him back in (i have a private acc) and he send me DMs like "why won't you let me follow you" and I was like ??? bc you keep unfollowing me?? and he was like "ohhh i was just trying to get your attention 😜" and I was like ???? (mind you, I had never ever met this guy and I'm sure he knew I was in his gf's college but I don't know if he knew that we were good friends) and he was all like "I know all about you, aren't you studying for ______ and aren't you from _____" (this is basic info bc it's just his gf's details basically) and I was like huh??? and he was like "I like looking at your profile, I look at it often" and I stopped replying after that 💀🤡😬😬 I know it doesn't seem immoral exactly but i don't think you should be talking to your girlfriend's friend this way 😬😬🤮

I thought of telling her but then I didn't want her to think I was a bitch 🤡 bc girlies in love will defend their philandering men and blame the women,,, so I just shut up even tho it really bothered me to think that I was the only friend of hers that he followed and he felt fine ??? talking to me like that ??? like was he not in the corner of his mind thinking that I might tell her that he's a bit sus 💀 IDK

Anywayyysss months go by and he sends me messages that I ignore (all of them are compliments and it doesn't feel right 😬😬) finally in June, he send me a long message about how he just wants to be my friend and wish I'd just talk to him 💀💀💀🤡 and I was like okay that's it, I can't do this shit anymore and I blocked him and messaged her to tell her about her man weirding me out

She told me that they'd broken up in early 2024 and that he'd been cheating on her 💀💀💀💀💀🤡

And I was like damn it I should've said something 😩😩😩😩 like clearly that man was lusty messaging and cheating with many women 😩😩and maybe i could've made the breakup happen sooner 😩😩🤡

But honestly Solar girlies stay in relationships they gain nothing from for far too long 😔

They're always dating men who give them breadcrumbs

She had 9383838 reasons to dump his ass but she stuck by him for YEARRSSS until finally he did something she couldn't forgive 😔😔😔

If you're a Solar woman, please stop giving your time and energy to men who give u absolutely nothing. I know you're an independent queen who needs nothing from anyone but don't carry around people who are dead weights and rob u of ur light 😩😩🙏 don't be independent at the expense of being with someone uncaring

[not-goldy]

I'm on a break but I had to jump in real quick on this

Gonna ignore everything you said bout Jungkook- cos it's not necessary. You don't have to go there. He's my bias too so you can understand why I find it offensive when you guys make derogatory comments about him. Like I'm not gonna clap for you or side with you for putting dirt on his name like be fucking for real.

There's a difference between being objective, giving constructive criticism of a person and just plain hating on someone and I'm sorry if you like Jungkook a little bit some of these comments won't fly out of your mouth nor would you entertain them.

And if you wanna get sensible words out of me avoid the triggers is all I be saying. Don't trigger me and then act discombobulated when I act crazy.

But I like what you said about Jimin....

I've been applauding Jimin's supporters since face cos yall pulled your weight and got him where he and the company hadn't contemplated going- let's get that very straight.

I said in my previous post I don't think like crazy was created specifically for a western audience. Nor was it intended to be as huge as it was.

It wasn't even his lead single yet it's his number one single💀

PJMS did too much and got him a number one on BB. BB DID NOT SEE IT COMING. THEY WOULD HAVE MOVED THE GOAL POST I TELL YA.

Yall did too much pushing his tracks to the top of charts. Yall acted as if it was a BTS come back like calm down 🤭

PJMs are soo extra🤭

But don't stop you doing amazing sweetie

They set the bar for Jimin to the high heavens. And we are hungry and wild for his success. It's cool but damn yalls appetite 🤭🤭🤭🤭

I don't think that is a bad thing. It just goes to show people are ready to support Jimin and take him to a level never seen before.

His next come back is gonna be 🔥 🔥

I mean the moment they got friends on a Marvel project I knew the Western industry thought he was on to something with his unique voice and all. Then they got him on Fast and Furious and lemme tell you that's some huge marks on his portfolio.

The portfolio this man is building is crazy!

I get all flustered and tingly thinking about what else he's gonna do and where he's gonna end up next in his career. He might have to move to Los Angeles soon cos he seem to have a place in Hollywood too the movie industry loves him🙂

If you wanna talk about the west then yea without a doubt, he is the one member who has a footing in with producers ready to work with him to make songs for their movies.

Fuck, I have a sense he's gonna cameo in a few Hollywood movies soon and he's gonna get booked to work on more soundtracks and OS for Hollywood. DAMN, IF THAT HAPPENS 😌😌😌😌😌😌

You guys need to relax, be patient and watch him.

Just watch him and don't jinx it up for him I swear to God! Yall be blocking your own blessings with unnecessary rants sometimes🙄

He's on the right track with his career. I genuinely believe that.

And I hope when he's finally ready with a predominantly English Album intended for the western market that hybe will move heaven and earth to give him the extra push and support he needs.

THEY BETTER COS WHEN I TELL YOU IT'S GONNA BE BLOODY UP IN THESE STREETS💀💀💀💀💀

And there's something about Jimin yall not realizing... those who know know.

I mean, Jimin even said it himself. he wanted an MV for every track and they shot him down....

EVERY TRACK....

THAT'S CRAZY.

And I know they shot him down, perhaps because they didn't think it was necessary for something they didn't intend to go all in on????

which is understandable but.....

We Libras are like that.

One time I set out to write a paper for a friends blog and it was supposed to be quick short and easy, but I decided to throw in a few references here and there to make it more academic and well researched- but I had to make sure it was accurate references so I hit the library. Before I knew it, I was calling up professors here and there and going all in I ended up with a 300 page dissertation and my friend couldn't use it for her blog so decided to keep it for her dissertation- so I told her I could work on a proper dissertation for her....

She said she was told she was too ambitious when she submitted it💀😬

When I get asked out for a spontaneous night out, I drive by the store to pick a new outfit and end up getting a pedicure manicure lashes silk press facials, bleach, exfoliate my butt- all for a girls night out.

Don't invite me for a sleep over cos this would be me- literally

We don't do casual so well and always end up going the extra mile and over doing things.

Oh you're sad? Don't worry. A text won't do. I'll call to check on you, email you, make a blog for you, drive by your home in the middle of the night, move into your home, get married to you, have your children, dig my own grave and bury myself next to you cos I never know how much affection is enough 😭💀

I dare you to ask me a simple question- I'll go on and on and try to cover every base and every aspect. One lecturer told me, you are brilliant Goldy but learn to limit yourself and limit the scope when answering questions- yes, I was always the student who never finished a paper on time and always run out of time cos I had so much to say and everything I had to say felt important😭😭😭😭😭

If you listen to Jimin, it wasn't even intended for set me free to be as big as it turned out to be💀💀💀

As amazing of a voice as he has, he had to request for voice training just to make sure he was on track- when I tell yall, sometimes his "shortcomings" are all in his head bless his heart😭🥲

How many times did Jungkook and Yoongi say they had to reassure him he had a great singing voice and yet those were the times he kept insisting he wanted voice training😔

Sometimes we see flaws in ourselves others don't see. Most times those flaws are as imaginary as could be. And yet we obsess over those perceived flaws and even worse, we try to fix them....

If you're someone like that sometimes it may appear all everyone does around you is shoot you down and try to bring you down- but in reality, they'd just be the ones keeping you tethered so the perfectionist or dysmophia in you don't drive you over the edge.

Not saying Jimin struggles with dysmophia of all sorts..... but he lowkey give off vibes if you know what I mean💀

All these comments about him being the triple A guy when it comes to effort, the hyungs using him as inspiration to work hard, the whole Kpop industry making him out to be the "rookie Bible" lowkey stems from over ambitiousness and innate dissatisfaction with the barest minimum- but sometimes that's all that you need to do. The barest minimum.

It took me a while to understand this and feel comfortable with lecturers and people around me telling me I'm enough and don't need to do too much all the time to feel good enough or accomplished.

One time I scored a B+ on a paper, I cut myself for not working hard enough. After bleeding it out of my system I gathered the courage to confront the teacher only to find out she had my grades mixed with someone else's 😭😭😭😭💀

I spent so much time in the study room at boarding school people called me the study room freak and I kid you not I got an award for it😭😭😭😭😭😭

I'm much much better now and can let my grammar errors fly without feeling a need to read through my writings a gazillion times. It's the Marijuana but still. It feels good to not care about anything anymore 😌

He's said he's working on his perfectionism and isn't consumed by it anymore but lowkey lowkey- we love him regardless 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Bottom line, we shouldn't confuse what happened with Face with what's happening with Jungkook.

Jimin's entanglement with the West wasn't intended at all in my opinion. It just happened. He had had Vibe and I think they just rode on the waves of the publicity from that for Set me free and Later like Crazy.

Thus he made more money spending less on advertising and marketing- comparatively speaking.

Then you have the youngest who had to sacrifice and go last after everyone- bare in mind who ever went first with their Solo had the most organic publicity because it was a new phase and all attention was on BTS since they announced a hiatus and going solo.

With little effort, that person was guaranteed to back some coins 🪙

The one to go last is relatively disadvantaged because he loses that organic attention and would require a lot of publicity to sell- but if he happens to be Jungkook then they would need to do just a little lifting because again- Golden Maknae. But imagine if Hobi were to go last- like some of yall wouldn't even care at all lets be honest which is not fair to Hobi but also the sad reality.

If I were Jungkook or Tae I wouldn't agree to go last at all don't give a fuck it's everyone for themselves💀

See this is why I wanted them all to release their albums at once. Hybe would be over stretched but then everyone would shut the fuck up. 😒

It may appear to most that the company didn't put in much effort to promote Jimin and- I understand these sentiments. I do. I just don't think it's a fair objective assessment of the situation💀

It's easy to say this wasn't treated well or that wasn't treated well when all you focused on is your bias. And I think sometimes equity prevails over equality because in as much as some went ahead of others, some already had kicked started their publicity with other collabs, some had been allotted more of the spending budget, some had high productions or low productions, they all can't get equal treatment.

Jungkook's launch is very much deliberate and well strategized too for the last debut. They took the lessons from the others launch and are trying to cover every base. He went last and so Hybe just had to make sure he went out with a bang. It be like that.

Every has to bag their coins somehow and that's all that matters.

Now that phase one is done. I can't wait to find out what they have install for phase two- I hope it's not gonna be crickets cos they all in Jail or military or whatever 😭💀

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Nightmare basically being the local cryptic fits him so well, and that'd probably why they sought him out in the first place

That OR they were foraging in the forest and randomly came across this skeleton wearing some style of old royal clothing and a cloak of some sort, like hello?

Kind of off track here but this'll make it make more sense, in my head nightmare and dream are both disney princess level of good with animals and they both attract them, dream more usually prey animals and nightmare predators but thats interchangeable (will probably put in another ask going more indepth about that one)

Going back on track that teen just saw a skeleton with black bones(thats alive) surrounded by foxes playing around him while he is reading a book with an owl resting on a tentacle of his

Like obviously they're gonna talk to him (girl you shouldnt but okay freakaleak do your thang)

Cuz basically in my head this teen was all gothic and obsessed with supernaturals right, i saw some headcanons from an au of gravity falls and that is kinda where i got "what if they were suicidal and were trying to get killed by something they loved, aka something supernatural and inhuman"

I think he'd threathen them but soon realize this other teen lost their marbles and isn't really a threat so okay might as well get info on humans and where to get more books (i know what you are) ((its called being autistic))

I think BECAUSE this human was suicidal (i think instead of the rotting in bed depression it'd be more, yeah im gonna live but if somethings gonna kill me who gives a shit, like basically gave up) he'd be more relaxed around them, because hell this kid is both a negativity source for him and an info source.

onto matching his freak part

I think this kid straight up did not give a fuck after hearing he kills people, like yeah okay, thats cool dude but keep talking about what you know about monster culture. Also that teen was also definitely homocidal, and would give him creative ideas of torturing people and killing them

"You should try stuffing their families bodies and make them have a tea party with their dead family members! Imagine all the negativity you'd get from that!"

"You're insane....i fuck with it."

I love this headcanon so much, damn 3 am me got some great ideas

Hell i got even more i just need to be able to put my thoughts into words

Gonna start smacking my brain onto my phone to see if that works

I feel like their dynamic is like this (which also makes me think of killer and reapertale Chara’s possible dynamic too 💀)

I like to imagine that these two are like, kinda obsessive with eachother in like a scientific way. They keep and write journals all about eachother lmao. The human beings nightmare crushed and withered flowers and he rips up or eats the first few ones he received and the human was like “so cool so cool so cool so cool—“

Do these two go as far as to kill and scare people as for their date nights. Imagine if the human just also has an interest fascination with death blood and gore like the sisters from the movie Ginger Snaps.

{ @brokenramunebottle }

[player1064]

Hi! All such great carraville drabbles so far! If you’re still doing them, may I request them coming out publicly and the various reactions of news broadcasters, other ex/current footballers and of course, the internet. Thanks!

aaa thank you!!! and yessss I love fics where it's public reaction to stuff and i LOVE multi-media type fics so this was fun to write (even though i am much too lazy to come up with fake twitter usernames)

---

Group: MU mob

Phillip: forwarded an instagram post by gneville2 Phillip: ???

Gary: what Gary: do u think I was too nice to him in the caption Gary: I can edit it to add something about scousers maybe Gary: or how he never won the league

Phillip: you and Carragher???

Gary: ?

Paul: whyd u make me look at that rot first thing in the morning Paul: put me off my breakfast that did

Ryan: im not installing instagram for this whats he done now

Nicky: ^

Phillip: he’s dating Carragher?????

Ryan: where have u been for the last 2 years its literally all he talks about

Phillip: America! I have been! In! America! Phillip: Gaz I can’t believe you told them and not me?

Paul: I wish he hadnt told us to be fair Paul: they r so annoying

Gary: sorry phil I mustve forgot Gary: timezones etc Gary: gtg we’re having breakfast before he has to head to studio 🥞😍

David: nice post Gary 😊🏳️‍🌈 Happy for you x

Chat: Stevie G

Missed call from Stevie

Stevie: Carra

Missed call from Stevie

Stevie: Jamie Lee Duncan Carragher Stevie: pick up your damn phone Stevie: you are shit at this best friend thing yknow Stevie: also Gary Neville??? Stevie: you were moaning about him when I called you just last week Stevie: but if he makes you happy that’s alright then Stevie: tell him he’s buying me a pint next time I’m home Stevie: in liverpool mind Stevie: don’t care if you love him you won’t see me in pub in manchester

The Daily Mail

LIVERPOOL AND MAN UTD LEGENDS JAMIE CARRAGHER AND GARY NEVILLE REVEAL GAY RELATIONSHIP?

Former rivals turned co-pundits posted Valentine’s day messages on their Instagram accounts which appear to show an intimate relationship between the two men, who were both married to women for over ten years. Neither has responded for comment.

Comments:

> they’re the worst pundits on sky anyway they don’t even try to hide the bias for their teams

> gary neville’s always trying to bring politics into everything rishi was right he should stick to football!

> well I will be getting my commentary from MOTD moving forward. wish I could cancel sky sports but can’t afford to miss all the match coverage so they will be getting a strongly worded letter from me instead.

The Guardian

OPINION: IT’S 2024. WHY HAS THE FOOTBALL WORLD NOT CAUGHT UP?

There are still no openly gay players in the top tier of the men’s game. Now that two retired premier league footballers have come out, we have to ask: why is this headline news?

Both Liverpool and Manchester United football clubs have posted messages in support of Neville & Carragher, and so have many current and former players. But it begs the question why they thought that support might not be implicit, or why the two pundits had to publicly “come out” at all.

Comments:

> tbh I didn’t even know who they were until I saw Beckham’s ig story 💀

> surprised Gerrard’s not said anything, thought he and Carragher were mates >>> probably can’t if he wants to keep his manager contract $$$

> the guardian: why is the media making a fuss about two ex-footballers coming out? the guardian: is part of the media making a fuss about two ex-footballers coming out…

Twitter

Sports - Trending Gary Neville 264k tweets

Jamie Carragher 151k tweets

@.1111 they’ve been obsessed with each other for years is anyone really surprised

@.222 ngl I thought Gary Neville was already out as gay? You’re telling me people have believed he’s straight this whole time??

@.333 it’s giving slow burn enemies to lovers 150k words…

@.444 sky already wheels the two of them out together whenever they need to promote ANYTHING I bet it’s gonna get 10x worse now

Chat: J ❤️

G 👹👸: good luck on show tonight G 👹👸: no vday dinner :( G 👹👸: I shall have to waste away and pine instead G 👹👸: drown my sorrows etc

J ❤️: should be back to hotel by 1 at the latest J ❤️: I know that’s past ur bedtime old man so don’t wait up

G 👹👸: I will be up (😉😉) and ready to give you your dessert 😘 G 👹👸: might have a cheeky nap before though to be fair

[wawamouse]

[bursts into your inbox as if we were having a conversation you were definitely not aware we were having] -one reason we need more slightly more modern outside AUs is: how unhinged could the texts between Chico and Miguel get?? The possibilities for conversational wtfuckery with these two!!

(I'm sure for the longest time it would be the most short and uninformative texting desert where they barely go beyond "u hungry?" and "k" level communication. But there would be bursts of amusing absurdist insanity that goes on and on.)

Yes this was prompted by something you reblogged on another blog, and I came here to tell you rather than politely musing in my own area.

Wow you’re so right, we need to make miguel and chico millennials…. or we just need to give them cellphones lol

(for those wondering, the post I reblogged was this )

also i do think “k” & leaving on read is miguel’s style of communication (toward chico) but probably only because i headcanon chico texting him like an insane person, both when he like-likes miguel and also when he hates him (bc that's hardly going to make him leave miguel alone lol). i could see him firing off an essay in single line texts and god help miguel when chico discovers audio messages (but at the same time, i think miguel would send audio messages more) (which chico would love because… come on 😂). i think miguel is better at cyber stalking someone than chico tho (ok now i’m just going into my Technology Headcanons). just, like, miguel is better at researching than chico. but chico knows more about torrenting and vpns and anti-virus stuff. also his bookmarks bar has a bunch of porn sites saved if we're being real

idk, i just don't see miguel as a texting person 😂 I think he prefers face-to-face communication or talking on the phone where as chico who probably has a really aggressive way of texting and also he uses T9 lol

i also think chico would send truly indecipherable memes sometimes, not because he thinks they’re funny (he doesn't get them) but because he just compulsively forwards every little piece of internet junk, clickbait, memes, buzzfeed quizzes, etc, straight to miguel, not really caring if he even responds or not bc anything he Actually wants miguel to see, he'll just bring up in person...

2 AU thoughts that immediately jumped to mind:

they meet as wrong numbers—like, one of them accidentally texts the wrong new contact or something—they got a fake number (haha), etc., and then the other person responds and they have a sort of curt conversation of realising they have theyre talking to a stranger before being like Whoops my bad! ...but then weeks later when the first guy (let's just say, chico - that' kinda what i'm imagining anyway) mistakenly texts miguel again bc he never deleted the contact info. and he's like totally shitfaced too so he just ends up calling miguel and being like HEY Come get me. I'm at xyz location!! … and that’s how they meet—because Miguel is moderately bored and curious and he thinks Chico will have drugs 😂 (maybe he’s mentioned it idk) (anyway he does have them) ...

dating app AU (cough hook up app) 💀 they chat/sext for a long time more as like friends for a while... idk, some people you just sort of end up befriending and having longer running fun conversations with / gossip about your other hook-ups on the app bc there's more to it in a way. they end up exchanging actual phone numbers and chatting bc they have a lot in common—even know the same clubs and know they don't live that far apart, but they just don't meet up right away. And then it gets kind of weird bc at a certain point, they're more lookng forward to meet up but then it's like damn, what if the spark isn't there in person 😵‍💫 what if they meet up, have sex, and then never text each other again or it all falls apart or something. And then something something, when they finally go Fuck It and decide to meet up and get it over with, they get completely sidetracked (just gotta do a minor job real quick! swing by a location!) in a Date Ends Up With Them Almost Getting Shot and Running For Their Lives type way. but good news: even though they bicker like hell in person, and each find the other vaguely infuriating, the spark is definitely there 👀

[aneenasevla]

Red Velvet - Chapter 10 part 2

MasterList / Akane’s profile / Last chapter here

Chapter 10 - Thrift Store Wars (part 2)

Lihito sends the pic of him holding the prized red rug in the group chat. It didn't take long for the answers to come in, and they came in all degrees of confusion.

Gigolo_Master: 

dude what the hell is that??

GiantKiller: 

?????

What happened to your eye?!

EggHead: 

ffs should’ve known this would happen sooner or later

alright, where are you hiding the body? Need our help?

Kelpthullu: 

relax, he’s just happy he had a successful hunt 

it’s a rug

EggHead: 

huh

a rug??

looks like a monster right outta shadow of the colossus to me

why the hell do you want a rug??

Kelpthullu: 

he’s here at the bakery bragging his ass off

I don’t blame him though, he deserves it

I heard it was a brutal battle

with old ladies branding sledgehammers and everything

lots of kicks and blows too

GiantKiller: 

???¿¿¿

Wait, you’re serious?

You aren’t joking, Ohma?

What about that emoji? You forgot the emoji, man!

Kelpthullu: 

I’m serious

he’s got a black eye and everything

EggHead: 

yeah, awesome, but that doesn’t answer the question

WHY THE HELL DO YOU NEED A RUG 😳😳😳

AND ONE THAT CAME STRAIGHT OUTTA SOME VINTAGE PORN

Gigolo_Master: 

Did you decide to abandon your pride and finally fuck someone on top of those?

Mr_Iron_Fingers: 

calm yo ass down egghead

the rug isn’t mine

it’s Akane’s 

I got it for her 

😎

Kelpthullu: 

with means he got himself into an epic brawl to get it for her

I’m proud of this bastard for the first time in years

Mr_Iron_Fingers: 

fuck you tokita

but yeah, I’m proud of myself too!

Gigolo_Master: 

wait

no, wait

I’ll need a better explanation 

Kelpthullu: 

(answering to @Mr_Iron_Fingers) you already fucked yourself enough for both of us 

was it any good? 😎😎

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

🖕

GiantKiller: 

Seriously, explain what happened, for god’s sake!

What’s up with the “old ladies with sledgehammers” part?

EggHead: 

I'm still waiting, but they completely ignored me

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

calm the fuck down

you have to explain this shit better tokita

I got the rug at a thrift store

remember how Akane wanted me to go shopping with her?

yeah, so

this fuzzy bastard was on sale for only 500 yen

500 FUCKING YEN

Gigolo_Master: 

500 yen???

holy shit they were almost giving it for free

EggHead: 

damn… where’s this store? I kinda wanna buy one now, it's so cheap 

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

it’s in Shinjuku

it was one of those thrift stores only street

the perfect place for a quality brawl lmao

Kelpthullu: 

and then he faced some old ladies with sledgehammers

lots of people in a free-for-all brawl

all because of that rug

if I had heard about it, I would've jumped right into the middle

and it wouldn't even been for the rug 😎

Gigolo_Master:

oh a thrift store fight

classic

you went easy on the weaklings there, right?

you can kill one of them with a single bitch-slap

and now that I think of it, it's a good thing ohma wasn't there too

you two would’ve gone to jail for a few months

Kelpthullu: 

I wanted to face the sledgehammer ladies too… 😎

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

there was no sledgehammer lady, dude, just one with a heavy ass purse

but yeah I went easy on those bitches

just hit them with the rug a few times to get the point across

fuck’s sake

Gigolo_Master:

LMAOOOOOO

Fuck I wish I could’ve seen that 💀

GiantKiller:

Oh my god 😂

EggHead:

fuck why didn’t you record this shit?? 

next time we’ll go with you

Kelpthullu: 

I’m coming too 🙋‍♂️

I want a new sweater! 

EggHead:

no, guys, wait…

you aren’t addressing the elephant in the room

you went to a freakin thrift store

got yourself into a brawn for some cheap rug

almost got arrested (again)

all because of… Akane?

Kelpthullu:

and why do you think I’m proud of him?

he got a prized prey for his woman

I would do the same!

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

DON’T GIVE ME THAT ‘MY WOMAN’ SHIT

she saw the rug, liked it and wanted to buy it

she couldn’t do it on her own cause of the freakin crowd on her way

they all wanted the fuckin rug, so I went there and got it for her

nothing more

GiantKiller:

and you were absolutely okay with taking a sledgehammer to the face for her

just like that

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

it wasn’t a sledgehammer

it was a purse for fucks sake

GiantKiller:

HAH!

You didn’t deny it! 

You really were doing all this for her!

EggHead:

I refuse to believe he did that just to bang a chick HE ALREADY BANGED 

there’s a line and you ran over it with a fucking backhoe! 

and I'd also do the same for tomori, tokita, we're on the same team ❤️

hey @Gigolo_Master would you do the same for your lady friends?

I've never saw a more dedicated fuck-buddy LOL

Gigolo_Master:

hell no, they would get the wrong idea! 

LMAOOOOO

I’M CRYING

KANEDA YOU’RE A GENIUS 

you caught him red-handed 

🤣

GiantKiller:

Hey @Mr_Iron_Fingers are you answering us or nah?

You’ve been typing for ten minutes now

Kelpthullu: 

he's here at the bakery, and he's pissed

I almost choke on my food when he yelled at me

Cannibal is all confused

Gigolo_Master: 

OH SHIT

she’s there with him??

EggHead: 

man that’s one badass she-devil

dumbass didn’t even realized she folded him like a napkin 

I tip my cap to her, Tomori has some kickass friends, holy fuck 👏👏

Kelpthullu: 

go hunt a boar down and give it to her

she'll drag you to bed in no time

EggHead: 

holy shit tokita

this isn’t stone age

the fuck you’re talking about

Kelpthullu: 

I’m serious

it happened to me

GiantKiller: 

My goodness, Ohma

Himuro's right, you're getting quite scary

Gigolo_Master: 

told you so!

and answer us already @Mr_Iron_Fingers

we’re waiting!

I’m on my smoke break, so be quick 

Kelpthullu: 

he excused himself and went to the toilet

and come on, haven’t you ever eaten something on top of one of these carpets?

I like eating katsudon with Kana on top of one 😎

"Hey, Ichiro, aren't you going to answer them?," Ohma asks, outside the chat.

"Rihito, damn it! Uuh...," Rihito, who had jumped up from the table, hugging his phone to his chest with a furiously red face, turned to Akane. "Excuse me, I'll be right back..."

"Oh... okay...," She gives him space to get out of the chair, and goes to the counter. "Eh... I want some chocolate donuts."

"Alright!," Tomori says, smiling, while Rihito practically ran to the men's toilet, slipping into one of the only two cubicles and sitting on the toilet lid, huffing angrily. He takes several deep breaths, trying to control himself, trying not to let the jokes and insinuations affect him, throw him off balance, or make him unable to stop thinking about Akane's happy smile when he handed her the rug and how it left his heart beating like crazy…

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

man you guys are so fucking dumb

really

you should’ve figured out what my plans are by now

GiantKiller: 

And here we go again 🙄

Kelpthullu: 

what, did you buy it so you could eat katsudon on top of it? 😎

Gigolo_Master: 

I doubt it ohma

but alright rihito

I’ll pretend I believe in your intentions just this once, for the sake of argument

what are your plans?

Kelpthullu: 

I still think it’s related to katsudon

with hot cocoa on the side

on top of a fuzzy rug, in the middle of winter

sounds pretty nice 😎

EggHead: 

man stop

it’s cold as fuck and you’re making me hungry

Agito is in town and he loves katsudon 

I think I’ll invite him to go eat some

Kelpthullu: 

you should invite tomori instead, I think… 😎

Mr_Iron_Fingers: 

man quit with the katsudon shit!

and I do wanna eat something on top of that rug

HER

it must be hella nice to have sex on top of that rug

it’s as soft as a peach

Gigolo_Master: 

… Rihito

my man

my pal

my panther slayer

stop

just stop

it’s getting embarrassing 

no one's buying it 

GiantKiller: 

Even Ohma’s making jokes now, man, just quit it

Hey, wait

WAIT

Katsu = breaded meat

Don = an impact sound

…

Oh my God, Ohma deceived us 

What an evil genius! 

Kelpthullu: 

you noticed it just now?

Gigolo_Master: 

FUCK

SON OF A BITCH

HOW DIDN’T I NOTICE IT BEFORE???

EggHead: 

EEEEEEEW 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

DUDE YOU MADE ME THINK OF AGITO

THAT’S FUCKING NASTY

I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND FOR FUCK’S SAKE

Kelpthullu: 

sorry, I know agito likes katsudon

but it was all your fault anyway 😎

EggHead: 

FUCK OFF TOKITA

I was gonna invite my bro to eat, all innocent and shit

now thinking about katsudon is making me sick, all because of you 

I’m gonna eat some noodles, SO DON’T JOKE ABOUT MY FOOD

Gigolo_Master: 

man, what a day we’re having

ohma making double entendre jokes

okubo questioning his own sexuality 

and rihito abandoning his casanova ways thanks to a she-devil 

this year started with a fucking bang! 

GiantKiller: 

I’m already crying 🤣🤣🤣

I can't even concentrate on my work!

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

FUCK YOU GUYS

NO, REALLY

sometimes I don’t even know why I still talk to you

I already said I’m not like you!

I’m a man as free as a nerd

*herd

**BIRD

FFS

Gigolo_Master: 

LMAOOOOO I’M DYING 

I’M GONNA PISS IN MY PANTS

I’ll need to go change in the middle of my shift all because of this fucking chat

😂😂😂😂😂

Kelpthullu: 

better go now before your break ends

… damn, I want to eat katsudon now

I’ll ask kanami if she can make it for dinner 

no rugs this time 😎

GiantKiller: 

GUYS STOP

Everyone’s staring at me!

EggHead: 

dude you're FORBIDDEN from talking about katsudon on this chat

jesus titty fucking christ 

I can’t fucking unsee it now

you ruined the reputation of a good ol’ katsudon bowl for me

… but the rug thing is actually a good idea 

I’ll buy one for Tomori, I think she’ll like it

Kelpthullu: 

you gonna eat katsudon on top of… alright, alright, I’ll stop

I already had my fun

tell agito I said hi 

EggHead:

sure thing

"Hey Kanami, can we eat Katsudon for dinner tonight?," Ohma asks the baker.

"I think so, we have the ingredients," She smiles and raises an eyebrow. "Why? Are you craving it?"

"Yeah, kinda," he says with the most inexpressive face in the world.

Akane had no idea about ​​the uproar Ohma caused in the group chat because of a dish. And because of her rug.

Gigolo_Master: 

man this rug is the talk of the town now

rihito sure created a trend

watch out for the sledgehammer ladies okubo

EggHead:

nah, I’m not going to a thrift store

I’m smarter than that

I’m gonna order it online so I can choose a color she likes

Kelpthullu: 

are you running from a good fight now, okubo?

ichiro was braver than you

have some shame 

EggHead:

dude I’m a public figure

I can’t just start fights on thrift stores and get away with it

but I’m gonna ask first, Tomori doesn’t like expensive stuff 

Kelpthullu: 

boars are for free and you can find one on any forest nearby 👍🏼

and you can even eat it

10/10

EggHead:

I wanna hear that story some time

but in person, and with beer on the side

Gigolo_Master: 

and rihito said it was only 500 yen

what, you’re gonna buy it online only to pay more? Don’t be dumb

ask him the name of the store and order one from there

EggHead:

dude threw hands for 500 fucking yen

It isn't funnier only because he didn't pay for it

Ohma grimaces.

"Hey," He turned to Akane, who was still at the table waiting for Lihito. "Who paid for the rug? You or him?"

"Oh, it was him," She smiled. "It was so cute of him, wasn't it?"

"Cool. Thanks," he gives Akane a thumbs up. She just shrugged.

Kelpthullu: 

he actually paid for it

EggHead:

HE PAID FOR IT?!?!

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HOLY SHIT MAN

HE WENT TO A THRIFT STORE

GOT HIMSELF INTO A BRAWL

ALMOST GOT K'ed O BY AN OLD LADY’S PURSE

GOT PUNCHED BY SOME LOSERS

GOT A BLACK EYE

ALL TO GRAB SOME PORN-ISH RUG

FOR A FUCK-BUDDY

AND HE PAID FOR IT ON TOP OF IT ALL

man you’re my fucking hero LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

you went the distance just to fuck a chick who’s pratically YOURS 

give him a round of applause everyone 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

GiantKiller: 

Goodness gracious

I’m all for respecting women, but this is on another level

I’m speechless

Well done, man, we love you 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Kelpthullu: 

a boar would be less trouble, you son of a bitch

I’m so proud of this idiot, damn 

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Gigolo_Master: 

WHAT

HE PAID FOKNQ21wjmhs76jm

462m

GiantKiller:

?????????

Himuro

Are you okay??

EggHead:

maybe he had a stroke

I’m almost having one myself

Gigolo_Master: 

THE FUCKING PHONE FELL FROM MY HAND

HOLY CRAP

I'm floored

and this motherfucker says okubo is a simp LMAOOOOO

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

EggHead:

as he said before

“the tall trees will be brought down” and shit

well, that tree fell to ground like a sack of brics LMAO

I feel so fucking vindicated! 

Kelpthullu: 

me too, he always gave me shit for that

well, he’s always saying he’s built like a bull

now he’s been tamed like one 😎

GiantKiller: 

What do you have to say in your defense @Mr_Iron_Fingers?

Rihito?

Gigolo_Master: 

HIS ICON WENT OFFLINE LOL

we fucking broke him

EggHead:

DUDE FUCKING RAGE QUITTED LMAOOOO

MAN THAT WAS FANTASTIC

I told you guys, I’ve never felt more vindicated in my life 🥰🥰

Kelpthullu: 

maybe he drowned in the toilet or something

he's been there for a while now

the Cannibal is still here waiting for him

Ohma looks at the toilet area, gets up and goes to the door.

"Hey, Ichiro, are you okay there?," He knocks on the wood.

"What happened, Ohma?," Kanami asks.

"We were talking on the group chat, but now he went silent…," His face was completely unfazed.

There is no response from inside the toilet. A full half minute passes in silence. And just when Ohma thought he would need to break down the door to make sure Rihito hadn't tried to flush himself away or something, it opens abruptly.

Rihito comes out, pale, staring at Ohma as if he doesn't recognize him. His green eyes seemed strangely glassy, ​​unfocused, as if his mind wasn't present with the rest of his body. 

Ohma raises an eyebrow, legitimately worried.

"Hey man, what's up?," He wasn't laughing or joking. "Seriously, you're worrying me here... you look sick."

"What's going on?," it's Akane's voice, getting closer, concern on her face. "Are you feeling ill, Rihito?"

She holds onto his arm, trying to reach him.

Her touch seems to finally awaken Rihito from his lethargic stage. His eyes come to life again as they look at her. He swallows hard, manages a weak smile and, when he speaks, his voice is more controlled than Ohma would have expected.

"I- no, no, I'm fine! It's just... I think the thrift store incident got into me more than I imagined," He snorts a little, touching his injured eye. "But don't worry, I'll be fine! I won't be knocked down by some losers, hahaha…"

"Do you want me to help you go home?," she asks, even more worried.

"I can help you both, if you want," Ohma offers. Despite what happened in the group chat, they were still friends. "I can call a cab…"

"No! I mean... there's no need, Tokita," Rihito assures, waving a hand. "Walking will do me good, I think I just need to get some air... and anyway, Akane, we agreed that I'll help you with the rug, right? I can move the couch so you can choose the best spot for it and such…"

"Yes, but not if you're not feeling good," She was really worried. "But... are you really okay? Can I trust your word?"

"Sure you can! You saw me drag at least two dudes across a store aisle without even breaking a sweat. Moving a tacky couch around is a piece of cake," He assures, and opens a smile that at least seemed confident on the surface.

Ohma just looks at him suspiciously. Then he looks at Akane. "Look, if he starts to feel sick, you know who to call."

"Okay," She nods, sighing. "Let's go then, I'll give you some medicine when we get to my place... anyway, being alone won't help. I'll let you know how he's doing, Mr. Tokita."

He nods, looks at Rihito one last time and returns to the counter. Kanami looks at him a little worried but Ohma gave her a thumbs up, to wich she just nods.

Rihito does the same, scratching the back of his head again. He glances one last time at Ohma over his shoulder before following Akane and helping her with the shopping bags, the rug once again securely tucked inside one of them.

For a second, Ohma felt like he saw something strange in his friend's eyes. And it wasn't anger or hurt at their jokes on the group chat. He didn't know what to call what he saw, but he knew he had never seen it in Rihito's eyes before.

Ohma returns to the group chat to share the news.

Kelpthullu: 

he left with Cannibal

seriously everyone

he’s acting really strange

he looked almost disturbed when he left the bakery

I’ve never seen him like this before

I think we went too far

Gigolo_Master: 

dude what do you mean

he loves to make fun of everyone here, but can’t handle it when it’s his turn?

we didn’t go that far, c’mon

he would do the same in our place

GiantKiller: 

yeah, but he’s not used to being the target around here

he needs to learn how to take a joke

EggHead:

no, wait a sec, he isn’t like that at all

he usually doesn’t mind being the butt of the joke

he just tells us to go fuck ourselves and calls it a day

now I’m kinda worried

maybe it’s because of his injuries?

he said he took some blows during the thrift store brawl 

Kelpthullu: 

maybe

he looked really pale

and it didn’t look like he threw up

the Cannibal took him to her place, she’ll give us a call if anything happens

I’ll keep you guys updated

Gigolo_Master: 

thanks ohma

but man, that’s so fucking stupid

now I’m pissed

he’s acting like a prissy bitch just because he doesn’t want to face the truth

okubo didn’t act like that when it was his turn

I’m too old for this shit

GiantKiller: 

Guess we’ll have to do an intervention

And I’m not looking forward to it

Kelpthullu: 

(answering to @Gigolo_Master) thank fuck you guys didn't have to deal with me when it was my turn, and I'm serious

GiantKiller: 

We can give it a pass when it comes to you, Ohma

You had those heart problems in the past, so you had no idea what was going on and got confused

Okubo was just too embarrassed to talk to us, but he accepted it pretty quickly

Rihito is the one who likes to act all high and mighty and who's too worried about his stupid manly pride

Like he would lose his golden jewels if he admitted he's a human being with feelings

Kelpthullu: 

I’ll admit it, I was one of those dumbfucks before I died that time

and I got my ass kicked for it

I am glad it was before I met kanami

GiantKiller: 

Yeah, that’s my point

Even you, the least educated of us in the academic sense learned from your mistakes

Gigolo_Master: 

exactly

and the girl’s pretty chill

I meet her for a single night, but I could see she’s nice

and they’re on the same vibes, not just the perverted ones

but does this make him accept his feelings and give the relationship a try? Nope

dumbass is too worried about his stupid pride

if things keep like this, she'll get tired of waiting and will kick him to the curb

and who'll have to deal with his bitching and moaning afterwards? US

EggHead:

you guys know he’s still on the group chat, right?

we’re acting like a bunch of gossipy old ladies here

Kelpthullu:

I’m down with being one of those if I have a sledgehammer 😎

so I can knock down any blonde fuck who tries to steal my rug 😎

EggHead:

FFS DUDE LMAOOOOOO

GiantKiller: 

OH MY GOD OHMA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Gigolo_Master: 

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

I even forgot what I was about to say man

okay I remembered

(answering to @EggHead) dude I don’t give a damn

he should read what we’re saying, then he’ll see this shit isn’t funny anymore

I’m not one to talk about someone behind their back, specially if it’s one of my friends

Kelpthullu:

alright then

I’ll be off now guys

kanami’s shift is almost over

again, I’ll let you guys know if anything happens

EggHead: 

sure thing

go eat some katsudon LOL

okay, now that I’m calmer, this shit’s pretty funny

I’ll be off too

let’s schedule a day to go talk to rihito later

Gigolo_Master: 

yeah, and I’ll beat his ass if he tries to run away

I’ll go back to work now

talk to you guys after my shift

see ya

GiantKiller: 

see you guys later

Nextpart here

[bluecoolr]

D.B. NSFW Alphabet

You already know guys and girls. 👀

Darr and B are both bi. B's just more straight passing 🤣, but you have no idea how tmi his ramblings about guys are with Darrell. One headcanon is afab-specific but I did try to keep everything as gender neutral as I could. Please don't hurt me.🫣

And, yes, they do hinge threesomes. (Cue their Pa yelling "When I said it's important to share, I didn't mean it that way!") (Also shut the fuck up Erasmus you know damn well you got down to ungodly shit with your wife.)

Tagging:

@the-pinstriped-hood @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better @solmints-messyocdiary @goldrose-star @probably-a-plant-thing

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

🎱

Dazed. Panting. Reeling. Needs to be grounded with kisses and skin to skin contact. Would melt into your arms if you hug him. 

Give him a minute to breathe and give you smooches before he goes to get what you need, ok? Glass of water? A towel? He'll be right back. You just sit tight.

💀

Very much still pumped up. Super giddy when you finish together

Giving you so many kisses, and praising you for being so good to him. 

If you hold him close, he's hugging you right back. He's petting your hair and lovingly kissing your cheek.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

🎱

His hands. 100%. Likes that people compliment him a lot over them. And his dick. 

Your tits and lips drive him hog-wild. 

He's real big on kissing. Loves doing it when he's buried up to the hilt inside you.

💀

His chest/torso. Thinks he looks fucking badass with his scars. 

Trace his scars while he pounds you. He absolutely loves it. Also loves it when you grab on his shoulders or just generally brace your arms around his torso.

Your tits, thighs and lips. 

Also big on eye contact, and absolutely loves looking into your eyes.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

🎱

Thick and white. 

Cums a lot that it tends to leak, which he loves because he gets to fuck it deeper inside you.

💀

Also has thick consistency but usually doesn't cum as much. 

Doesn't expect you to swallow, actually likes to see his cum dribble down your chin.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

🎱

Would love to do double penetration (particularly vaginal dp, because the thought of how wet you'll get to accommodate two cocks turns him on sooooo much).

Just loves the idea of completely filling you up and using all your holes.

💀

Cut him during sex. Make him bleed. Make it sting.

Give him a cut that'll leave a scar. 

Carve your name into his skin.

He'll totally goad you into doing it. "Do me one good, yeah? Fucking kill me."

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

🎱💀 

They both know what they're doing and are pretty experienced. 

Their individual experiences outnumber their shared encounters.

Don’t worry you’re in good hands.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

🎱

Missionary and its variations: spread eagle, both your legs on his shoulders, one leg up, ankles around his waist.

Spooning

Spit-roast

💀 

Missionary, specifically with your ankles in his hands. 

Doggy. He likes to bite your shoulder while he’s back there. 

Prone position

Spooning

You on top

Spit-roast

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

🎱

Serious. More focused on the connection and the pleasure. Does his best to tune in to you to make sure he’s giving it to you exactly how you want it.

Doesn’t crack jokes but makes you smile with genuine praise.

If you praise him, tell him how good he makes you feel, he’s gonna break into the sweetest fucking smile.

💀

A lot more laid back. Just wants the whole encounter to be fun for both of you.

Giggles. Lots of giggles. 

Doesn’t joke but absolutely showers you in praise. 

You try to return the compliments and you get cut off with kisses. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

🎱

Just a lil FYI: As a rule, black-haired Darrells have a more positive story outcome.  

The carpet more or less matches the drapes, though it is a bit more dark-ish brown.

Still doesn’t shave but trims to keep everything manageable.

Has a light growth of chest hair that doesn’t get too thick or unruly. 

💀

Also doesn’t match. B mooched off Darrell’s black dye for years. Did it just to try it, but also to annoy his brother. 

Eventually got bored with dyeing and stuck to his basic blond. He’s lazy and would rather Darrell did it for him.

Manscaped. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

🎱💀

Very intimate.

Both are big on eye contact. It's a different experience looking into one twin's eyes. Darrell's are warm and deep, calming. B… Well, he's not called Bright Eyes for nothing. 

Sometimes, they take breaks and just rest with their faces buried in the crook of your neck. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

🎱

Still so damn horny. Still masturbates at work. 

Humps his pillow like a man deprived of all pleasures of the flesh.

Gets off to pictures or recollections of you if you've been intimate with him before.

💀

Doesn't masturbate as often, because he gets a lot more action.

Uses his hands or a fleshlight to jerk off when he does get the urge.

Watches porn but imagines it's the two of you doing the scenes. 

Will send and ask for nudes. Like literally you'll ask him to buy you some food on the way home and he replies with "Ok" and a pic of him with his dick out in a bathroom.

Absolutely loses his shit over your nudes.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

🎱

Breeding

Praise kink

Mutual masturbation

Gagging

Outdoor/public sex

💀

Praise kink

Dom/sub

Knife play

Blood play

Gagging

Spitting

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

🎱💀

His place, your place, anywhere honestly.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

🎱

It’s really not that hard to get Darrell going. If you feel like getting it on, just tell him and he is dropping what he’s doing. 

Flirting

Dirty talk and naughty texts

Tenderness and comfort

Themed lingerie 

Lap dances

When you do anything that he finds remotely cute.

💀

Revealing clothing. It doesn’t even need to be elaborate or anything. You could be wearing a muscle shirt or showing a bit of chest. You could be wearing low rise pants. He loves to see the V's on your hips and the dimples on the bottom of your spine. Loves cheerleader and basketball shorts

If you show interest in him.

If you get annoyed with him. B likes to weasel his way into your favor. 

When you're sweet to him.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

🎱

Anything that would hurt you. No slapping or hitting. He would grope and squeeze but never hit, even if you ask. It just doesn't sit right with him. 

Extreme BDSM. He'll hold your wrists above your head but won't use restraints. 

Degradation.

Watersports or scat. Just not his thing.

CNC

💀

Extreme BDSM. He's more open to using restraints - ties or handcuffs or even his/your shirt - but he's not gonna actually push it to the point where you get hurt. 

Watersports or scat. Just not his thing.

CNC. He hates the thought of you ever crying because of him/something he did.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

🎱

Loves both honestly

Sloppy toppy. Gives absolutely filthy head. 

Considers it an honor if you give him a blowie.

💀

Since he's more of a dom, he's not too good at giving head yet.

Fucks your throat.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

🎱

Gives you time to adjust ♥︎ and settles on just the right pace. 

Actually pays attention to you about the rhythm that works.

Generally likes to take his time, because he wants to practically memorize every part of you, every little reaction.

💀

Just goes right in there as soon as you're wet enough. 😭

Tends to go fast and rough but can go slow and hard depending on the mood. 

His favorite part is feeling you clench and spasm around his cock.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

🎱💀

Would die for a quickie. Please. Spare a quickie for a pair of struggling men?

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

More 💀 than 🎱 really. 

B's the real freak between them.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

🎱💀

3 max where he cums each time, but each round lasts a while. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

🎱

Knows the power of the Magic Wand and will absolutely use it on you.

If you have other toys, he'll be so game to use it during sex.

However, he doesn't have any toys of his own.

💀

Has used and has had toys used on him. Will do so again 😈

Owns pretty standard stuff - a fleshlight and his own wand or vibe.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

🎱

Still doesn't like to tease or be teased 🥺

Do not deny this boy. He just wants to show you how much he cares for you.

💀

Complete opposite. Is such a fucking tease, but can't take the taste of his own medicine.

Absolutely the type to walk around shirtless when he knows it gets you flustered to see him shirtless.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

🎱

Loud, uncontrollable moaning sprinkled with expletives.

Begs you to come for him. 

💀

Tells you to come on his cock.

A little more quiet (he's made fun of how loud Darrell is), but has the most gratifying moans. Lets you know he's loving every second with you. 

Yes, he growls. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

🎱

Likes to lick up your back, torso, sternum, and neck. 

Will lick up your chin and tongue kiss you. 

Will also definitely suck your tongue.

Gives you hickeys. 

💀

Bites. Not enough to break skin. Unless you ask 👀

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

🎱

A shower. 8 inches in length. 5 inches in girth. Uncircumcised.

💀

Also a shower. An easy 7 or 7.4 inches in length. 5 inches in girth. Uncircumcised.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

🎱💀

Craves it. Would love to have sex at least twice a week, whenever you can spare the time.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

🎱

Is already quite sleepy when you're done. 

He can stay up enough for a little conversation and a tender kiss or two, but he's out cold in like 5 seconds.

Falls asleep all snuggled up against you, and when you wake up his arm is still wrapped around you. 

💀

Is not going to sleep anytime soon. 

Will get up and eat. He just disappears into the kitchen and comes back with a whole sub. Offers you a bite. 

He's gonna finish his food and lie down next to you to chat about mundane stuff, as if he didn't just rearrange your organs. 

Strokes your hair while you talk. 

Also snuggles up to you before going to sleep. Except he swings his leg over your thigh, and that thing becomes dead weight once he's out cold. 

[aanglican]

natla s1e6 reaction liveblog

zuko flashback with hair

”what is it” “nothing” “tell meeee”

i’m just realizing this is his room

zhao: this is my ship now

we’re at the temple heyyy

this show isn’t unbearably dark but still has a harsh quality to the lighting/color grading that i’m really not loving ughhh [insert nth comment about wishing this looked like house of the flying daggers instead]

lmao roku got jokesss

“anything you need—” “koh.” “anything but that” 💀

“friends can be a liability” oh i’m sure you know that now roku

so there’s no huge fanfare at the fire sage temple and june catches aang instead. we switched out roku possessing aang for kyoshi instead. i guess emphasizing kyoshi over roku was done to avoid giving roku the opportunity to tell aang when the comet is coming. if roku spends any more time with aang then the topic of the comet’s return will be bound to arise, but since the writers don’t know if and when they’re getting a second season then we can’t mention that for now. hence less roku.

love how aang is realizing there’s people who don’t even want him anymore because they would rather live under familiar chaos over the promise of risky liberation

so THAT’S where the chocobo promo still is from

aang psychoanalyzing zuko lol

ozai testing out zuko’s intelligence in front of everybody ouuu

i love dallas’ delivery on “but they’re gonna he lost”

ozai went straight to the agni kai damn okay

“disrespecting me means dishonoring your father”

“ozai was gracious enough to lend them to me” not fire lord? send him to the gulag

they’re not calling it hari bulkan but capital city hmm*

this exchange is so uncle-nephew i love it

zhao thought he ate that… FLOP!

here comes the fire nation supremacist speech.. ken leung slaystress

fire spitting? these fn drinking games get crazy huh

i love this escape sequence

zuko got hit and aang found out it was him under the mask and now he’s saving him ouuuu

THE HAND SLAP LMAO i love this dynamic

when are katara and sokka coming back i just realized it’s been a while

aang asking after zuko’s calligraphy and stationary awww

“the monks are all gone so all i have is your notebook” 😩

AZULA BANGS NAURRR

OZAI AND IROH SCENE

filial piety and feudal hierarchy hitting hard right now

not zuko fighting back

is this a reference to aang’s almost-killing strike on ozai in the series finale?

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG so zuko’s crew is the same as the new recruits that were bound to die by the machinations of the war room?? the 41st division???

“sometimes the weak can become stronger [if] you gave them a chance” “i have made a mistake”

URSA MENTION

lieutenant jee was gagged !!

one thing about waiting for this remake has done to me is make me a lot more interested in the fire nation royal family

momo keeping guard over katara and sokka’s bodies aw :(

after all the zuko backstory i’ve completely forgot about the hei bai spirit lol

i still don’t understand why koh and wan shi tong are here like huhhhhhh? i guess they wanted to involve comic content and couldn’t find a place to put the mother of faces more seamlessly?

gyatso is gone again 💔 “can we talk about it when we get back?” UGHHHHHH

this is kinda the best episode of the series 🤭🤭

*so i checked wikia: Hari Bulkan,[4][5] also known as Royal Caldera City,[6] a residential district situated within the crater of a dormant volcano hosting the Fire Nation Royal Palace and various homes of Fire Nation elite.

[celestie0]

ELLIEEEE.

i read ch 3 of ihm and wanted to share my thoughts and praises of how freaking amazing your work is!!!!

"I would rather make love to one of those inflatable balloon salesmen at car dealerships that flail and flap around in the wind than let you touch me for the purpose of sex."

girl, the way i straight up CACKLED. how are you so freaking good at banter? like my queen, what is your secret, i could kiss your brain. the moment i started the chapter and read this i already knew it was gonna be another BANGER.

"I don’t really go after women with daddy issues."

💀 💀 💀 bruh. the way gojo is just casually throwing shade while watching CNN. i am loooooving this ihm gojo so fking much.

“Oh, thank god,” he exhales in relief, “I almost thought it was an avocado for a second.”

this whole little argument was so fun and sillly GAH i just loved it so much. the way you describe y/n when she gets mad is just ✨GOLD✨ like idk how to describe it, i just love how you manage to make her have such a spark. she's got a backbone and a heart. sometimes i manage to fall for your y/n more than your gojo 🤭 hehe

“The dog had rabies. It bit an old man. Had to put it down,” he deadpans.

OH MY GOD 💀 this fking scene with choso. girl, this whole story gives me such romcom vibes, like damn you deliver, yet another line that made me cackle.

“Your capacity for catastrophization never fails to amaze me,” he says. You’re pretty sure your therapist said something similar to you last week, too. 

i felt personally attacked here 😭 fking choso lol.

Also, why the fuck didn’t he get you chocolates from London?!?!?! The fucking snake. 

RIGHT?!?!?! WTF GOJO???? oh my god this was hilarious though, y/n being caught in her lie 🤭 girls gotta get her stories straaaaight. to be fair though, makes sense why she didn't realize gojo was out of town considering how much she's got on her plate rn.

So who really got the last laugh? Day shift workers. Literally.

this is so sad 😞 this aint fair. like why do the people that are working their asses off at ungodly hours to save and help people get the shit end of the stick? wow, much love and respect to health care workers. i can only imagine how hard it must be, in more ways than one.

 (who the fuck drinks juice from a coffee mug)

the same kind of sick fucker that would probably eat string cheese whole 😡 nah, this is a crime.

So you just relish in the ridiculous feeling of being on all fours in your vintage grandma nightgown in front of your shirtless and, breaking news: very hot, fake husband.

again, ROMCOM vibes. this is so hilarious 🤭 like y/n, my girl, i would be right there with you checking him out 👀 the way you described gojo shirtless.... 🥵😩🤚🏻

“Why the fuck would I call someone for a job I could do myself?”

oh. my. god. this fucking hit HOME for me LOL. my own dad literally has like 10+ ongoing unfinished projects bc he refuses to pay someone to do it professionally. it's like a pride thing, but daaaaamn my mom be mad when theres like, an open hole in the roof for weeks. ihm is giving such DILF vibes and i am absolutely HERE FOR IT.

-

and lastly

JUNO.

need i say more??? she is so PURE and i must protect her at all costs 😩 UGHHHH i was so misty eyed when she was crying about being bullied. and the way you wrote y/n comforting her and interacting with her 😩😩😩🤚🏻🤚🏻🤚🏻 eeeeeep, i hope we get to see gojo and juno interact in the future bc anything with men and kids is literally my kryptonite. the few little tidbits with him wearing the slippers and having my little pony on the tv already made me smile so big 🤭🥰

-

okaaaay, literally i love your work so much, and i feel like i never say it enough so i really want you to understand just how fking incredible you are. like seriously, i love the entire tone of ihm. like you said, the writing style is so laid back, but that adds even more to the appeal, and when the serious moments hit you shift the tone so effortlessly that DAMN those moments hit even more.

i can already see just how much you can accomplish with this series and i'm really looking forward to seeing your vision come to fruition. you are incredible, ellie ❤️ thanks for sharing such an amazing story with us.

-aly💕

HIIII aly omg thanks so much for this review of ch3 ihm!! it means sm to meee :'') i'm cracking up so hard reading this BAHHAH

girl, the way i straight up CACKLED. how are you so freaking good at banter? like my queen, what is your secret, i could kiss your brain. the moment i started the chapter and read this i already knew it was gonna be another BANGER.

pls reader really came to cut a knife w that comeback i think even ihm gojo was like damn woman chill 😂😂 as for the banter i have conversations w myself like i am crazy ❤️❤️ helps w dialogue LOL

omg thanks you for enjoying ihm reader <3 i have worries ab her being a little much but honestly i'd ride n die for her she's going thru a lot bahaha. but i'm so happy you see that spark!! and yes i try to picture romcom & kdrama vibes when i write ihm xD just like kinda cringe and absurd at times but also surprisingly heartfelt? hahah

ahhh yea sm respect for night shift workers, esp those in healthcare. it's a suuuuper rough lifestyle and there's a lot of research that shows how detrimental it is to the body in the long term, and there are ppl who work the nightshift for like 20+ years. it's crazy

PLEASE MY DAD IS THE SAME HE ALWAYS WANNA BE FIXING THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE LIKE DAD IT'S BEEN SIX MONTHS I'M TIRED OF WASHING MY DISHES BY HAND PLS JUST CALL SOMEONE 😭😭😭 no but yea that scene was funny to write bc it was giving dilf vibes but also he's so unconvincing of his abilities to fix things xD idc tho as long as i get to see his abs while he's on his back working on sumn under the sink 👍🏼👍🏼

eeeeeep, i hope we get to see gojo and juno interact in the future bc anything with men and kids is literally my kryptonite. the few little tidbits with him wearing the slippers and having my little pony on the tv already made me smile so big 🤭🥰

AW thanks sm for liking juno <3 i've never written a kid character before and also i haven't been around children in so long so i was like watching youtube videos of children trying foreign country foods to see what tf they sound like xD anyways yesss omg i love men w kids. like sir pls lemme give u babies :// imeanwhatwhosaidthat

like you said, the writing style is so laid back, but that adds even more to the appeal, and when the serious moments hit you shift the tone so effortlessly that DAMN those moments hit even more.

AHHH thanks sm i could cry srs this is such a sweet thing to say :'') yea that tonal shfit stuff is tuff but to hear it's coming off is so relieving thanks so much aly <33 and for all your words too 😭😭 i hope you have a wonderful saturday!!!

much loveee ❤️❤️

[wisconsin2002]

In my opinion miraculous has been doing pretty decent with season 5. Chat Noirs Been a freaking badass this season so far. Marinette seems more mature in a way

( I like that for her I really like that for her. Marinette was once one of my favs and to see her get constantly dunked on by the writing as the seasons went on just hurt)

and the material (up to this moment) is handled okay.

(except Luka. Literally don't know what they were thinking making Luka figure out both Ladybug and Chat Noirs Identities in a pretty decent episode in season 4, and the next we see of that they barely elaborate on it and have the fucker LEAVING PARIS?!!! QUE MAMADA?? And Juleka wasn't added to the conversation becaaause? )

*sigh* anyways I digress.

But oh my goodness😂 bro I-

Were the writers that wrote fucking derision just doing this?💀:

Cause that's what it felt like. Chloé's the reason for Marinettes trauma and past stalkery behaviour now? 😂 Bitch please.

Wasn't Astrucs excuse when people were talking about Marinettes creepy behavior and stalker tendencies was because she's a teen girl and teens do stuff like that or some shit?

What changed?

And you can make the excuse that he didn't wanna spoil that part of her past, but in that case why respond at all? Why not just stay quiet and let people figure it out? Literally makes no sense.

(Bro responds to every tweet I swear to god. 😩 You can say "miraculous is cacapoopoofart" and Thomas would still take it seriously. Like damn brother sorry my little niece grabbed the phone for five seconds. )

Like dude this is a pretty big reveal for Marinettes character that you'd think they would handle more carefully! But... I digress again.

The flashbacks were pretty cool too but also dissapointing cause that's where things really fell flat with the writing and at times just felt straight up random and made up.

This entire episode is such a rewritten contradiction to what the writing had set out to do in the beginning. Especially with Chloe and Kim.

Like Kim's just a shitty guy now after you show him being a pretty neat dude for most of the seasons and even give him a lover? 💀 TF? Why wasn't this brought up In season one or two? I mean his crush on Chloe was brought up but not the fact that he was a freaking douchebag. And why the hell did they revert him back to a pick me boy for Chloe in this episode? 💀 They even have him speak nice about Chloe for no reason(IN FRONT OF HIS GF BTW!) and have no remorse for what he did to Marinette at all despite his dislike for Chloé after he moved on from his crush on her. And he feels no remorse at all? Really? And if it wasn't bad enough, bro gets off easy with a slap on the wrist and a half-assed apology. Like bro wha-💀

And Chloé's the source of Marinettes trauma? Again I can't get over that. 💀

Okay okay okay

Look

That's not too hard to believe if the way they were going at it was believable.

It ain't.

Being anxious about rejection is one thing right. And yeah it can cause trauma to kids no doubt, I've been through it myself.

But bro

Look me dead in the eyes. And tell me with a straight face that fucking Chloe and Kim's prank was what caused Marinette To be doin all THIS!

LOOK ME DEAD IN THE EYE AND TELL ME CHLOE AND KIM CAUSED THIS TO HAPPEN!

I think tf not.

You know what I think? I think the writer's Chloe spite is so strong that they decided to use one of Marinettes character writing flaws and give it a fucking alternate universe level size rewriting to fit the "Chloé's a shitty person for no reason and always will be" Narrative that they created and just can't let go off.😩

And at this point I already know the writer's don't care for Chloe. Right off the bat. Hero or villain, good or bad. They don't care for her character at all. I mean they're making her live with her neglectful ass mom cause now they decided that the bitch should be the one to turn over a new leaf and become an actual responsible mother. Right when her daughter hit rock bottom because of taking after her BS priveledged lead example of maternity and morality.

(hell her writing was perfect for an anti villain in the making story but I guess we'll skip over that too. What else is new 😮‍💨)

She's nothing but a punching bag used to show the audience that no matter what, Chloe will always be Astrucs punching bag to try and prove to other peoples potential development, thoughts and ideas for her wrong. And now thanks to that. That's turned her into a literal contradiction of her own character.

*sigh* well atleast Astruc doesn't really write anymore in season 6. Chloé's character cannot go back to what was and I don't expect her to but they can at the very least write her an actual goal as a villain Instead of just making Marinette the vain of her existence for no reason.

Didn't Chloe literally say in season 3 that she didn't care all that much about Marinette?

I find myself asking again.. What changed? 💀

Also am I supposed to believe that Marinette is so traumatized by Chloé's pranks and antics?.... but yet she gave her a miraculous??

Also didn't Marinette go to the pool place before In past episodes and have absolutely no panic attacks or issues at all?

Am I actually supposed to believe all of this? Because I don't. It doesn't sound believable and the writing sure as hell doesn't do it justice either.

Madre mía. I'd say more but I'm rambling at this point.

This episode was just basura. Some good interesting things and attempts, but mostly basura. For every step forward it took, it also took like five steps backwards.

Would I say it's the worst episode? Nah. It had redeeming qualities.

Unlike this time wasting pile of dog shit that I'm convinced whoever wrote it was fucking doing this :

[atlanticsea]

not going to tag this bc it's just me being a hater but i find it so disingenuous of the episode to have isaac tell colin "i was mad because you lied to me." first of all ENOUGH with reactions to people coming out being "well i'm mad because you lied!!!!" girl deal with that yourself on your own quietly i don't CARE that you feel this way we've had this shit so many times and it's never been good i hate it so much lmaooo. literally your personal feelings about your friend taking time to come out to you Do Not Matter and i'm tired of pretending they do <3

second of all the idea that isaac, known for being super empathetic and willing to grow and change and reconsider his actions when they've been hurtful, would hear his best friend say "i was 99% sure you'd support me but that 1% terrified me" and not realise that him giving colin the silent treatment and REFUSING TO EVEN TOUCH HIM OR LOOK HIM IN THE EYE was confirming colin's worst fears is so 💀💀💀

like idk i think isaac saying "damn i'm so sorry i never considered your feelings in this and made it about myself without even making sure you knew i was on your side" or colin saying "and btw you ignoring me after finding out was a confirmation of my worst fears and it really hurt me" was needed because i'm SOOOO tired of this narrative that if someone didnt tell you they were gay or queer in any way youre more entitled to feeling hurt than they were entitled to feeling scared. bullshit. especially since isaac is apparently aware that he sucks at keeping secrets like!!! coming out to him had implications and i haaaaaate that the show doesn't acknowledge that, or clearly state that colin had EVERY RIGHT not to come out to ANYBODY. jesus. this is why i hate coming out storylines.

and third of all the reason im calling that "you lied to me" line disingenuous is that the show was CLEARLY doing a homophobia fake out considering isaac refused to even have colin's hand touch him. the show wanted you to think isaac was disgusted by colin because it wanted drama and then had to walk it back but it barely works and i'm mad <3 same with isaac going "what did you call me" and not "what did you say," the idea is to make us think isaac is offended at the implication he could be gay, not at the bigotry. it's all so transparent lmao and it's SHIT! and THEN to have a "haha straight man looks panicked when a gay man says i love you hahaha" joke at the end like come on man. fuck you. genuinely go fuck yourself. i truly hate the way isaac has been written for this entire thing because it seemed like the only reason he was written like that was to create drama around whether or not colin would be accepted, when he has consistently been a caring and compassionate guy. sucks ass lol. ted lasso fuck you