#damn i sound like an old person
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I'm gonna say something harsh! The Garfield movie was disappointing
#looked like an add for a puzzle game#honestly turned it off not even halfway through#yeah i know its a kids movie but still#idk#even the character designs were throwing me off#and all the new tech and slang was irritating#damn i sound like an old person#ren won't shut up
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why do you reject serenity?
#because fuck you old man#re#re4r#resident evil 4 remake#my gifs#reedit#residenteviledit#re4redit#gamingedit#videogameedit#dailygaming#sounds more like an alien invasion to me#but no really why am i on a saddler kick who is to blame for this#and man this part was like holy shit at that lack of personal space#i was like :0#i've got issues but ya'll probably knew that already lmao#also saddler please share your eyeliner game because damn
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serious question, are there ANY (wired) headsets made today anymore that have seperated plugs for audio and microphone??
usb ones always cause trouble and the only other ones i can find are those with combined audio+mic into one plug, which i dont have the ports on my PC for.............
i tried looking through adapters but the only ones i can find are those that combine seperate ones, id need the reverse (if thats even possible)
(visualization bc i feel like i am losing my sanity trying to explain what i mean, am i stupid? did i halluzinate the two jack/plug thing???? do only cheap garbage ones have this??? is that one of the gaming chair things??? like oh you want a GAMING headset- that means either combined or usb haHA???)
#ganondoodles talks#personal#issue being that the new headset i bought is usb only and- of course- has a background noise that probably only ppl like me hear#im super sensitive to sound#like i hear bats and dog whistles you arent meant to hear#old headset (not the broken one) has a slight static and trouble with very silent sound which it cuts out#hence i got the newer ones (the now broken one) which didnt have that problem but well .. it broke after little use#new one has a weird beeping chirping in the bg#im so tired#(new one is the razer kraken v3- its usb only and any other plugs they have for other models are the damned combined one)#my computer isnt even that old but i literally cant find a single headset with those plugs seperated when i dont have that port#will i ever find a headset that fucking works with no drawbacks????#(wireless isnt an option bc i hate wireless anything that isnt a controller you can also use wired)#i know it may sound like its not working right but i am 100% certain its one only people like me can even hear#also i got no nerves to try and send anything back to amazon ... for once i bought it there....#or am i just stupid or did i miss some shit that made it standard to just call it differently or sth#like my pc has an audio port at the front and a mic port- two ports#the plugs (jacks???????) i see are the ones that have it in ONE#and i dont have it
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Y'all I am so fucking tired.
Me: vents about being shit on by doctors and struggling with ND symptoms in public
People: UM!!! AKTUALLY THAT IS NOW HOW YOU TALK ABOUT AUTISM! YOU ARE USING THE WRONG WORDS!!! LIKE I AM SO SORRY ITS HARD FOR YOU BUT UR MAKING IT SO HARD FOR PEOPLE WITH REALER DISORDERS :(((((
Me sitting here, not autistic and never once mentioning autism but with several other ND diagnoses that don't get taken seriously because US culture is a shit show and it doesn't exist if they've never heard of it, am never allowed to self advocate and constantly shut out of both NT and ND spaces for not fitting into the boxes people want, staring at the camera like I am on the office on the verge of tears.
Yes internet, people can 'go nonverbal', it is a real phrase for real symptoms and not just a term for someone permanently mute! No it is not 'just a meltdown' and calling an autistic person's symptoms 'just' anything is completely self defeating anyway, and so is saying I can't use the phrase nonverbal anymore because I have shown improvement in my conditions over the course of decades of hard work! I fucking HATE PEOPLE SO MUCH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#eljin talks#medical shit#vent post#im sorry guys i apparently am just not allowed to ever open my mouth ever anywhere without someone telling me im wrong#we need to reteach passive aggression i s2g one more bitch goes#but i didnt use mean words and added ur valid at the end of implying youre a bad person for using ur diagnosis term wrong :( ur overreacting#like ffs#'oh im so sorry that happened but ur wrong and hirting hypothetical people who must have it worse than u bc theres no way its that bad'#CONGRATS YOU NOW SOUND JUST LIKE THE PROBLEMATIC ASSHOLES WHO ARE THE REASON PEOPLE GET DENIED DIABILITY#YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM DOUCHECANNOES#'um u dont have that only rly sick people have that :('#HAVE U CONSIDERED I AM REALLY SICK SUSAN?????#this is the gods damned eauivelant of telling me i shouldnt use the handicapped parking incase someone more diabled than me needs it#lets take the dsm5 and use it to make moltav cocktails to pelt abelists and gatekeepers#oh also 'well if talking about it is triggering then you shouldnt talk about it :('#talking about it ISNT karen being treated like a 5 year old and or serial killer while trying to share something vulnerable is!
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truly nothing more depressing than seeing a blog glorifying self harm in the fight club tag in an unironic way and you click through to see its an anorexic 14 year old :/ i wish i could communicate like... it doesn't make you cool or better, it's not an actual way to control things in your life, i am so so sorry you think this is the sexy answer. but also jesus why do you blog about it
#like damn weve all been 14 yrs old and making health decisions that are actively damning your future health in very concerning ways#but also like#these blogs exist because of each other and if i could nuke every single one i could because that might help even one of these kids#to recover#jesus#makes me feel old#like. ive been there lol. youre depressed and 12 and self harm seems right and also cool#but thats insidious as hell snd listening to that is whats going to make you depressed for half a decade#i think the hardest part of growing up is seeing kids make the same or similar mistakes you did and knowing if you say anything they will#almost certainly double down and dig themselves deeper#but you feel its a crime not to say anything and also remember lack of pushback being part of the problem#but its just. you cant fix anyone#i wasnt anorexic ftr but its Very Relatable unfortunately#anyway whether i like it or not i have a lot of teenagers following me i think#all of you. be nice to yourselves#actively pursue making your life better#not in a momentary happiness sort of way but in a taking the work to get over your mental illness and grow and become a more confident and#secure person kind of way#it sounds impossible and it feels like hell but literally the biggest part is just really trying to do it and letting go of the comfort of#the pains you know vs the unknown pains of change#i should stop soapboxing because this is getting silly long lol
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guess who's gna hv to go to the hospital tmr and probably hv the infected wound surgically removed
#ITS ME ☝️☝️☝️☝️💥💥💥#skipping sch is so fun yall infection be damned#okay tiny rant after this yall hv been warned#THIS GIRL VERY FUNNY AH#bro ur concern means absolute jack SHIT to me if all youre gna do is be a bitch about it#yeah okay i admit i have zero clue how to treat wounds esp infected ones n i didnt even know the infection was this severe until someone#until my friends told me today#LIKE YEAH I ADMIT ID BE THE TYPE OF PERSON FIRST TO DIE IN A HORROR MOVIE#but like that doesnt give you the excuse to keep calling me dumbass/idiot/stupid#and all the other synonyms of dumb youve been calling me today????#like girl YOURE the certified first aider not me???#and like the qualifications doesnt even give u the right to call me dumb like what the hell#like ik shes concerned for me bec she was the one helping me treat my wound today b4 i saw a doctor#but like she kept making it sound like im a 5yo w absolutely zero sense of safety and shit#and like she kept making it sound like i was FORCING her to help me#NO I WASNT ??#YOU OFFERED?? THEN YOU STARTED BEING AN ASS ABOUT IT???#then like she kept. calling me stupid. like even after the joke got old#bec at first it was her and my other friends teasing me about it and it was funny at first but then she kept going on n on even after that??#then she forced me to see a doctor which i admit was smart i shldve gone to a doctor like. yesterday 😭😭#but then when we were at the clinic she deadass said smth along the lines of “i hv to work and worry sm bec of YOU today”#as if i forced her to accompany me to the doctor??? but it was HER idea ????#also she deadass called the nurse who dressed my wound unprofessional#and she called the doctor i saw on saturday useless bec the antibiotics he prescribed me last week werent working#like. bro if ur so smart then why dont YOU go med sch rn and become a doctor huh#bro ur goofy ahh 1y/o first aid cert aint shit compared to the guy who spent 12+ years studying med n working for even more years than that#like i cannot get over the fact she kept calling me dumbass the entire day#and it was so aggressively too and she threatened to slap me bec i was “being stupid”#and like she kept making my infection out to be so severe as if i wld drop dead right that second or my arm wld fall off or some shit#AAAAAAAAA THIS GOT SO LONG I HIT 30 TAGS WHOOPS HAVE A MWAMWA IF U READ THIS LONG IM SORRY IM JS PISSED BUT I TRIED NOT TO SWEAR 😭😭🙏🙏
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protecting my peace fr
#i only have 3 (4? if you count my bsfs bf)#close friends that i talk to and stay in regular contact with#but theyre all a year younger so they’re still in high school#except for my bsfs bf#but even then we don’t talk every single day bc we’re all so busy#i have literally no friends on campus#and i don’t dorm either#and all of this is perfectly fine for me#like awkward interactions w people im not that close w drain me#so i prefer being alone#so i see old friends from high school partying every weekend n shit and it’s like damn#what am i doing w my life#but then i realize i don’t have any opps#and i have no negative emotions for a single person in my life#which makes my life so much easier#bottom line: protecting my peace fr#ps sorry if this sounded like a trauma dump#i didn’t mean it to be#i’m very content w my peaceful#and introverted life#hannyoontify.misc
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Another derp for the episode of violin(ce) ~ 🎵🎻🩸🎶
#The Magnus Protocol#6#Day late but who cares#Yet another installment of “coconut makes podcasts doodles but for TMAGP specifically xey make them comically overly detailed”#I freaking love this episode#Musical horror is like such a niche genre of horror but it’s so amazing#Had to devote the whole doodle to the statement for that (sorry Samama looking up TMAGP and Gwen getting weird Lena video parts)#AUGUSTUS#I have like no idea who he could be I thought it was Jonah then Jurgen but now Jonah again 🫤🫤🫤🫤🫤 I have no idea#I’d think if it was either of the two they’d get their old vas back but no Tim Fearon is a totally new guy#Who does amazingly at his statement#I like the part where he gets the violin(ce)#Who could that person be I swear they sound like they were an eye devotee the way he told his whole life in front of him#The subtle string accompaniment in the back of the statement very cool#GOD THE PART THAT STARTS AT “AND ALL THE WHILE I BLED” TO “HOW COULD I DO OTHERWISE?” IS WRITTEN SO SO WELL I CAN’T#I PLAY PIANO I KNOW WHAT IT CAN BE LIKE LIKE AUUGGHHHHHHGHGHGH#AND OF COURSE “THE BLOOD FOR IT’S STRINGS NEED NOT BE YOUR OWN” LIKE DAMN THANKS YOU COLE WEAVERS FOR THIS EPISODE#And then the whole recitation part that was crazy#Just… ✨musical horror✨ dude#It’s so cool#This is my favorite episode so far#It goes 4 1 2 3#Also LENA DID YOU BRUTAL PIPE MURDER SOMEONE TO WE CAN’T ESCAPE THIS TROPE AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAA
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worming out of awkward conversations l i k e
#accidentally partially traumadumped on my coworker earlier auaaaaaa im so sorry#literally all she asked was ‘are you gonna be spending cny with your father?’ and cue the rant (sadge)#i didn’t really have to tell her that the dude tried to burn our apartment down during a certain rampage#(said fire was extinguished by my then-11 year old bro with water from the sink though. good boi)#the topic was successfully changed after that yeayyyyyy#but. m a n n n n . cny is not a good time for me lmfaooooo#i swear i have at least one bad memory for all of the years that i’ve gone housevisiting for the season#like there was that time when i，as a kindergartner，was deemed to be the cause of breaking apart the family’s bonds#over a can of cola at a reunion dinner bc i cried when my evil aunt scolded me for daring to want a drink other than water#i think my father still blames me for that to this very day lmfaoooooo#g o d. manifesting my hopes and dreams for that prick to not contact me this year im begginggggg#he’s. like. the one person i hate more than myself. 3rd place on my hatelist is his father ofc. no clue who 4th place would be though…#hmmmmm ok i think that’s enough traumadumping for one cny season lmao#tune in next year as i once again wonder what tf the name of one of my cousins is#bc despite how bonkers that side of the family is… i’m sure that the dude’s parents weren’t deranged enough to name their son ‘colour’—#his name is seriously one of my greatest unsolved mysteries. i mean. he has siblings with names like dylan and vivian/valerie/vanessa(?)#and yet everyone calls him something that sounds like ‘colour’.#like damn did his parents decide to skip giving just one of their children a first name or something? guess i’ll never know
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I think I have such complicated feelings about my voice bc like. I've had significant dysphoria about it since long before I knew what dysphoria even was, but that also means I've been (knowingly or not) trying to sound masculine for about that long and I haven't completely failed at it. so I hate hearing my own voice but it's a point of pride at the same time. and I want it to change but I don't want to lose what I've taught myself to do with it. and I want to show it off sometimes but it makes me die a little bit. yknow?
#trans stuff#I also just like to Make Sounds. singing or in general. dysphoria be damned#and like. do I think I'm a Good singer? debatable. I do community theatre and some people I know from there have said I am#but like I don't think it's anything remarkable personally. I can carry a tune. I have good lung capacity#I have. a weird range.#but anyway it's not exactly that I think I'm good at singing it's that I'm Proud of my voice despite not exactly Liking it#I don't know. if anyone is reading this far. hi#shoutout to 12 year old me determinedly practicing my Evil Villain Voice which was just an excuse to try and yell masculinely#also shoutout to all ages me hearing songs sung by men and thinking Well Why Shouldn't I Be Able To Do This
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so weird how everyone lies to you when they think you’re beautiful
#a bit drunk so bare w me but actually crazy how people just saw whatever to flatter you when they think you’re pretty#not that I’m stunning but I’m a young girl in a group of 40-50 year old men and I know what the vibe is and they all told me I was a great#dancer when I know for a fact this is the worse I’ve ever done and there’s no way on earth if I was someone they found unattractive would#they say that to me#I know it sounds self centered and believe me I’m the last person. to think I have pretty privilege but just like damn make it less obvious#anyways#delete later
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My dog has been having senior moments, such as randomly forgetting what she's doing or trying to walk into a street, and I've been calling her "Mr. President" when it happens.
Like, "No, Mr. President, we can't walk into oncoming traffic. That's how we get killed!"
#it makes me sad that she's so old. and it's only in the past couple months that she's been doing this.#she's still overall very physically healthy. we go on walks almost every day and as long as she wants to.#and she eats well and takes vitamins and her teeth are kept clean and her claws trimmed and her coat clean#but she's slipping a little mentally#she's 11 which is old as hell for a dog her size. the vet said golden retriever mixes (which is what i assume she is) usually live to 10.#and she's not even started going white too much. just around her snoot and a little on her paws.#so when i take her in the vet always assumes she's like 6#but I've had this crusty old lady since shortly before i was even legally an adult#and I'm scared for when she does die because my other dog dying damn near made me commit suicide#and like I've said. I've had her a lot longer.#if she were a person she'd be going into middle school. like.#and she's had her share of weird health things. she's had a thyroid issue since she was 4. she has a weird skin condition.#she's had a couple surgeries and has scars from being attacked by random dogs (not my fault. she's well trained)#she's fallen a couple times recently but the vet says that's normal for her age#she went blind then wasn't blind and is going blind again#her hearing is starting to get shit too#I'm just so worried about her. this dog is a person to me. she's more real than my family in my mind.#and my cat is cool and all. but she's not a people. she's just a cat.#i guess the best i can hope for her is she lives the rest of her life comfortably and can die peacefully in her sleep#i think I'd completely come unglued from reality if i lost another dog to surprise everything cancer#but that's what I'm most scared of#because it came on so quickly and no one caught it despite me being that person who takes their dogs to the vet over a cough#she's sleeping right now and making goofy ass dog dream sounds. and i know i won't hear that any more sometime soon.#dog#old dog#senior dog#clio#joe biden mention
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I love my friend dearly but sometimes they send me links to articles that make me feel homicidal and while I'm thankful to be kept in the loop of current affairs the stories make me feel stabby and they're gonna kept caught in the crossfire at some point
#this one was a story of a 19yr old detrans person being a fucking monster#i want her to die i dont care that shes a teenager shes advocating for shit#shes going to help cause the deaths of untold numbers of trans kids#she *allegedly* got the care that i desperately needed#treatment that would've saced me from about a decade of suicidal ideation and self hatered#and shes acting like it was hell on earth. despite her being the one that asked for it#her poor fucking parents too god damn#if her story is even true then they seem like good people#and yet shes making it sound like they were complicit in her being maimed#i hope she never feels happy again i hate her so much. i hate this whole goddamned ilk of monsters trying to get us killed#AAHHH#simi speaks#simi rages
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this Tylenol ain’t shit w
#talkingcore#emotions. man.#there’s so much music that I just haven’t listened to in a bit and it’s making me feel things it’s not even like sad things I’m like damn#how long has it been since I’ve listened to beautiful stranger by Madonna as featured in Austin powers international man of mystery#but also something in my brain feels like it needs to cry like I don’t feel like I physically can but something needs to be released#so do I go pet sounds? smile? falsettos? I feel like I need to be in a sleeping bag and Contemplate#fun fact! Kendra Morris has an absolutely stunning cover of don’t talk (put your head on my shoulders)#I’m pretty neutral on beach boys covers tbh I’m never crazy about them since like they really never measure up#how many mid covers of god only knows can I take? not many. but like she & him have their little Brian Wilson tribute I like that.#the covers are a lot better when they don’t try to perfectly replicate whatever the fuck Brian Wilson was doing they aren’t him#brain wants to go melancholy mode but I’ve no clue over what. girl just tell me what I’m supposed to be sad over I’ll commit to the bit#need to keep listening to new stuff but also need old stuff Maybe that’s it maybe I just need old stuff again? like routine?? shit idk#also like at 5 am I woke up and remembered how in choir people kept comparing me to the director they had the year before me#and the thing is she had the same name as someone else in choir that was student teaching my first semester so I kept thinking they were#referring to her Id be in my choir fit my silly suit my proud butch uniform and they’d be like oh this is so ‘insert name’!#and it kept throwing me off because the student teacher was like. not like me at all so I was like fuck#what kind of girl core energies am I accidentally emitting this is Bad. so anyway 5 am I’m like fuck it I need to research this person#I search. find her. she’s butch. I’m blessed. they weren’t lying like man we do such a good job at being generic! yay!#butch And in choir! love to see it! keep thinking how I am destined to be like in my 40s doing mundane tasks#I’m gonna be soooooo good at watering plants and putting salt on the sidewalk before it snows and cleaning drains#need to be a dad mom so fucking bad you don’t get it I need to drive carpool and take off work for dentist trips and watch hgtv#AHHHH i think that got rid of some of the sad lfg💥💥💥💥this must be super long god damn sorry
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When things go to shit it's never just one huge thing it's always multiple huge things hitting you at once like you're being pinballed between cars on a highway
#ramblings of an arrow#anyways aaaaaaaa#car thing bad enough on its own#but like fuck shit hell damn fuck#i dont know exactly whats going on with one of my friends from years ago#but she reached out for the first time in years#and I am not sure whether or not she is in literal physical danger yet#because I was the only person who supported her divorcing her shitty ass abusive fuckwad of a husband#she got back together with him and hadnt spoken with me much since#because she has 2 kids with him and no support system at all#shes gonna call me sometime tomorrow hopefully#I am SO worried for her because she wasnt able to like tell me much today#but she sounded /scared/#and her deadbeat of a husband was physically abusive to his 3 month old child last I heard a few years ago#so Im. so so afraid and sure that theyve only gotten worse#because everyone in their lives enables his shitty behavior and tells her she needs to suck it up and be a good christian wife#and I just AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#FUCKKKKKKKK
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funny how powerful a smell can be. it can really bring out so much emotion
#smelling something that reminds you of a place or a person can be so emotional like#it's stronger than looking at a picture of the place or person or thinking about it#it's so visceral#it's like an instant gut reaction#i don't think i've ever smelled something that reminded me of a loved one or a space that holds good memories#and not immediately teared up#i'm not usually too focused on smells i care about my hearing more like i always focus on sounds on a daily basis#but damn. kudos to the old nostrils#rain.stuff
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